Chiefs Win The Opener, NFL Week 1 Preview And Picks, Pirates Pitcher Paul Skenes + Fyre Fest of The Week

Chiefs Win The Opener, NFL Week 1 Preview And Picks, Pirates Pitcher Paul Skenes + Fyre Fest of The Week

September 06, 2024 2h 33m Explicit

The Chiefs take Game 1 with a thrilling ending and a ref show (00:00:00-00:10:46). NFL Week 1 is here and we do picks and previews for every game + a TD Parlay, is Dennis Allen getting desperate and Jerry Jones is turning up the heat (00:10:46-01:15:39). Fantasy Fuccbois is back (01:15:39-01:22:34). Pittsburgh Pirates pitching phenom Paul Skenes joins the show to talk about his rookie year, his crazy story to being the number 1 pick, is he worried about Baby Gronk and more (01:22:34-02:05:53). We finish with Fyre Fest of the week (02:05:53-02:31:35).


You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/pardon-my-take

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Full Transcript

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
On today's Pardon My Take, football is back and we are ready to roll. We're going to talk about Thursday Night Football, the opening game.
We have Paul Skeens, Pirates pitching phenom on the show in studio. we are going to preview every single game for Sunday

fantasy Paul Skeens, Pirates pitching phenom on the show in studio. We are going to preview every single game for Sunday.
Fantasy Fuck Boys is back. We got some picks for you.
We're going to do Fire Fest. It's a football Friday.
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let's go. Hey, football guy, Patino, A.W.

Hey, part of my take, yeah, part of my take, yeah, part of my take, yeah, part of my take,

yeah, part of my take, yeah, part of my take.

Welcome to Part of my take ends 919 only on draft kings the crown is yours today is friday uh september 6th and god damn it the chiefs did it again football is a game of inch uh it was uh it was a sloppy game it was the classic nfl we have a new rule that we don't tell anyone about that we're gonna you know strictly in force, kind of only for one side of the Ravens, and make the game as clunky as possible. But the game persevered, and we had an all-time ending with the Ravens almost winning, or almost tying, or they were going to go for two.
But Isaiah Likely, who is a dog, absolute dog, thought his shoulder was separated on two plays before. I think what happened was he landed on it.
I think it dislocated. They popped it back in, and he was like, let me back in the game.
Dog, because he was killing people in blocks, over 100 yards receiving, but his toe is just a little bit too big. And the Chiefs, they did it again.
They start the season. They're 1-0.-0 they looked good xavier worthy that's the thing is they've got they got a guy that's going to be a problem for everybody i'm gonna we said it on draft night we were like how did the bills let this happen yeah i'm keon coleman better be really good he better be better he better score three touchdowns because xavier worthy is incredible uh and they just have so much speed yet again, and it feels and Pacheco and Pacheco who never gives up he never gives up tackling it's like tackling a pillowcase filled with elbows yeah it's just like he doesn't stop running he'll just hit you he doesn't appear to be the biggest guy in the world he doesn't get tired they do a good job of of saving him too like the first half a lot they won't run Pacheco that much and then that's pacheco time yeah he was he was a monster and uh yeah the chiefs i mean they it looks like what we thought going into the season but it it proved true tonight uh and i the ravens made a ton of mistakes but it looks like the chiefs might like that was better than what we saw regular season chiefs in terms of their offensive weapons yeah like last year when the first three months of the season, it was like, does Patrick Mahomes have anyone to throw to? Does he like anybody in the locker room? It's crazy thinking that they upgraded.
They went from Kadarius Toney to Xavier Worthy. It's like they played all last season with a lead batting donut, and now they're up at the plate and they can actually swing.
It's nuts. That was some right there you like that yeah like that analogy yeah yeah i think it's true though yeah no you're right you're right on expert mode last year and now they're like okay i'm just gonna chill i'm gonna smoke a little weed and let's just put it on like rookie yeah we proved to everyone we can win the hard way let's just go back to doing it the easy way now i do think the ravens i mean that was as sloppy as sloppy gets for the Ravens because they look like they hadn't practiced.
They were getting delayed. Every single time they were getting, I don't know if the calls were coming in late, but Lamar was snapping the ball with one second left.
He was missing big throws. They ran their field goal team out on the field, then brought them back out.
They also did last year, AFC Championship game, like, hey, if the Ravens just run the ball, they win this game. They come out first quarter, they ran it a little, and then it felt like it was just for that, the middle two quarters was just a flurry of Zay Flowers' like three-yard screens.
And having their offensive line never get to go forward and start trying to lean on the Chiefs. What happened was they found out pretty early on that they couldn't run the ball up the middle that well.
And so after that, they tried some stuff on the outside, some pitches, some reverses, and tried to work the outside edges on them. And then that worked a little bit, and then they just never went back to even trying.
You got to establish the run. And Lamar was great.
I mean, Lamar was great running the ball. missed like a couple there was a i mean he missed the guy before the likely uh out of bounds play the second last play i don't know who that was in the middle of the field he missed there was that back-to-back plays where he missed someone uh deep and then missed him on the sideline i just yeah it was it was a great it was a great game it was a crazy game there's two football.
One, you have to establish the run, and two, you have to run the damn ball. And three, you've got to lean on them.
And then, yeah, lean on them. Get your boys going downhill.
But it was one of those situations where it felt like the offensive line for the Ravens had no chance to go forward for a good portion of the game where it was just they were blocking forever for Lamar or they were trying to block in space on the outside it's also hard to go forward when you line up like a yard off the line of scrimmage which again we saw refs in this exact game or it was the lions last year but it was lions chiefs in week one you saw guys lined up way deeper at tackle that they weren't flagging at all yeah this was a secret point of emphasis to call illegal formation and now i don't even think that the refs are going to have to call it for the rest of week no they won't like sometimes they call it week one for everybody they set such a tone calling the illegal formation i don't think they're going to have to call it down the line and there was i felt like three quarters of the time that they showed harbaugh on the sidelines he had that look on his face the look that he gets when it's like he found out that his son got like locked up in jail he's like what the what the fuck's going on it was just like he was he seemed like he was befuddled the Ravens the Ravens they were yeah the Ravens were like discombobulated pretty much it yeah every single offensive possession even the ones that worked felt like they never were there was never smoothness to him I guess their first drive nice, but there was never a smoothness to their offense. It always felt erratic and weird and, like I said, plays coming in late.
Yeah. Lamar did look faster, though, now that he's minus 20 pounds.
And I was trying to think how Lamar lost 20 pounds. It was right in front of her face this entire time.
He just had diarrhea all over. Oh, yeah, for sure's just that's just butt weight that he got rid of yeah yeah so uh still like as as much as some of that game was frustrating to watch because it did feel right off the bat that the refs were like hey we're everyone's here to watch us still the best it's awesome still the best i mean that end of the game was was electric i was so happy watching football tonight.
I tell myself that I can get through the offseason and that I enjoy watching these other sports a lot, which I do. But then when football hits, it's like daddy's own.
It's a drug. Yeah.
Daddy's own. I need it.
And we get more tomorrow and we get more all weekend. Also, Taylor Swift looked good.
Yeah, I thought so.

Liked her boots.

Yep.

Those are good boots.

Really good boots.

Boots with a T.

Yeah.

B-O-O-T-S looked good.

Yeah.

Travis has the mustache.

He's looking good.

Haircut.

A lot of people looking good.

Yeah, everyone.

A lot of guys looking good.

A lot of girls looking good.

Harrison Bucker looked good.

Yeah, he looked good. He was hitting bombs.
Justin Tucker might be washed. Yeah.
Can't hit 50 yarders anymore. Bucker is making some good points.
Yeah. Listen, he was hitting some bombs.
I don't think we've ever done it. Should we do a Thursday night game ball? I have somebody that I would like to give the Thursday night game ball to.
Taylor Swift? No. Oh.
Crocky J.cky jay i knew that we knew carson steel was going to be a star i didn't think that they were going to put him like front and center in the week one broadcast but god damn i love crocky jay yeah what's not to love mac legend and maybe the cool well what's funny he went from the mac to ucla ball state ucla he should have gone ucla to ball state yeah that would have made him a lot cooler yeah he's got an all-time football guy name yeah he owns a crocodile he's by far the coolest carson on that team who's the other carson we don't want to talk oh yeah carson wentz is on that team carson wentz is on that team yeah i saw the side of his face tonight it should have been rated tvma you should have warned me before they should blur out his face on the sideline i also learned something tonight i i think i knew it but i just didn't ever really piece it together but that woman with the puppets she she's like a 30-year legend um i had some chiefs fans being like you don't know balls like yeah i don't know your celebrity fans uh but she rocks well i know once i like her i know one celebrity fan of the chiefs unfortunately 17 years 17 and a half years in prison prison. Do you think he watched tonight? Well, it's in Kansas.
So it's the same place that Mike Vick went for the puppy issue. Yeah.
It's really bad when you know the names of the town where the federal prison is. Leavenworth, and then there's one in the Rockies.
I'm trying to remember. It's the one that El Chapo is at.
El Chapo and the Unabomber. Yeah, Leavenworth is not good.
It's where Carson Wentz should go, too. Yeah, when you know Leavenworth.
But Chiefsaholic is requesting to be transferred to Illinois. Oh.
To whatever federal prison is up here. Maybe Chiefsaholic was the magic behind the Chiefs run, and maybe he moves to Illinois, and then the Bears go on a little run.
That would be nice. That would be nice.
But, yeah, 17 years. Okay, anything else before we do our game preview? So we taped that earlier.
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Okay, boys, we've made it.

Week one.

Yes.

Here we go.

Yes, I love the order that comes along in football season.

It really puts your life into a routine.

Correct.

The routine is watch the news

and read articles on Monday if your team wins.

On Tuesday, that's when you watch the sports clips

and all the debate shows,

read the articles if your team loses.

Then on Wednesday, you think about what's going to happen.

On Thursday, what your bet's going to be.

Then on Thursday, you forget to update your fantasy team. Then on Friday, you make plans for saturday saturday you make plans for sunday sunday watch football and then monday the cycle repeats itself i was gonna say it's as simple to me is that just every week has a just big dangling carrot at the end yeah i'm just excited about every single weekend and for someone who doesn't really have a social life father of three all that shit every weekend now has importance to me well you know what else happens during football season thursday becomes friday you get a new friday every week is basically a 40 and when maxion comes back tuesday is friday and yeah and already you've got monday which is already friday no monday's sunday now monday is monday is just like a beautiful come down that you just- I love Monday Night Football.

Just a reminder for any new listeners,

Max doesn't watch Monday Night Football.

I love Monday Night Football.

Yeah.

No, you do.

You don't watch Monday Night Football.

Remember that?

Max doesn't watch Monday Night Football.

I forgot about that.

Yeah, Max does not watch Monday Night Football

because he says there's just too much football,

and he doesn't-

He's like a porn star that won't have sex. Can you imagine that, Hank? Can you imagine one of our producers on this show saying they would skip an entire day of football? It's crazy.
It's nuts. Not us.
We watch every second of it. Thursday becomes Friday.
Friday is still Friday. Saturday is Friday.
Sunday becomes Saturday. Monday becomes Sunday.
It's such a beautiful time of year. And we're back.
All right, so like every year, we're going to go through every single game. Little preview.
Then we're going to do our picks. All five of us.
Oh, Hank's already dreading the picks. No, no, no, no.
He's back in there. I had a funny thought.
So what's the punishment this year? I don't know. We've got to figure it out.
It should be Super Bowl New Orleans related. Yeah.
P's a perfect game pitch a perfect game in what mlb mlb okay um it should be super bowl new orleans related new orleans known for their mlb baseball yep um 70 yard field goal 70 yard field goal okay you're just spitballing here you're confident about the nine daughter yeah he's upset about the upset about the nine darter. Yeah, he's upset about the nine darter, but you could lose this too, Hank.

Yeah.

That's all I'm trying to get.

Equal expectation.

Hank, you're also the one that said that you were going to set yourself up to be able to dunk.

So you're really making impossible challenges for yourself too.

I will dunk.

What's harder, dunking for you or throwing a nine darter?

The nine darter.

That's impossible.

Dunking is happening.

I think you'll be able to do the nine darter within three days. Dunking, it's taken three years.
Still not there. Still not there.
All right. Well, maybe the AWLs can help us out.
We need a punishment for last place. Are we doing second place? It's a little bit different now because there are only five of us.
So second place, I feel like it should just be a last place punishment. What about last place and then second to last gets the equivalent of what the second place was where it's like the punishment but just like kind of half of it or what about last place and second place gets a prize first place doesn't yeah because because then it keeps it competitive what if what if uh it's some sort of a hat situation but it's not a.
First place gets to pick which punishment last place has to do. Or second place does.
No, no. First place gets to choose what punishment last place has to do based off of like four options.
Depending on who it is. But second place gets nothing? I like the second place just because it keeps- Steak knives.
Well, it keeps everyone in it. Because if someone runs away with it

and someone falls really behind,

there's nothing left.

Second place, the odds are,

if you have a second and fifth place,

there will always be content coming at the end.

First place gets to determine

which event the second place person has to do

and which event the last place person has to do.

Okay.

Okay.

And we need the punishment. So AWL has let know.
Maybe something we can stream in New Orleans. Wrestling an alligator.
Yeah, wrestling an alligator is not bad. No.
No, Max. Spending an entire week with Mincy in New Orleans.
Shadowing Mincy. 24 hours on Bourbon Street.
Shadowing Mincy for five days. 24 hours on hours on bourbon street can't go to sleep just go homeless for a day yeah that sounds get drunk yeah but it would fuck you up for yeah super bowl i like the idea of staying in like an airbnb with mincee and like eating all your meals with them but yeah oh my like hour by hour reporting on what mincee does yours understudy for a week.
I think that's a good one. That is not a bad one.
Second place has to eat only jambalaya all week. I can tell Big Cat didn't like it because he moved on from it.
No, but that's just because you really don't want to do it. No, it has nothing to do with that.
It's more that I don't want to pay for Mincy to go to. We're basically giving.
You don't think he's going to be there? No, he's going to be there on his own dime. But we're basically giving him his best content idea ever, and he doesn't have to do anything.
He just gets a free place to say. That's his best content.
I know. But I've been trying to wean myself off that.
Well, how about we do none of that during the season? Good content's good content. Yeah, that's a good point, Hank.
Yeah, listen. It's going to be you, Hank.
Yeah, probably. Yeah.
Did I lose this last year? But Hank's just going to go to sleep the whole time. Yeah, you did lose last year, Hank.
Hank, are you serious? It's a stand-up. Oh.
Are you okay? You just memory-holded that. Well, no, I have lost so many of these, I forget which thing is for which thing.
Yeah. But I assumed it was, yeah.
Yeah, you're on a sugar rush right now from uncrustables yeah your brain you're overdosing on uncrust all right we'll figure it out uh show send us any ideas anything fun we could do uh but we'll figure it out we'll have something fun uh okay we ready to get into it boys what about get a cat we haven't done that one in a while. Yeah, that's true.
I'm allergic to cats. So.
That's better content. That's just life.
Yeah. I mean, it would be funny if you had to get a cat, Max, and you're allergic, a hyperallergenic.
Would you get a cat?

Yeah, I mean, I'm sure my kids would like a cat.

It would ruin my life, but.

I would get a cat.

I'd just put it in a room with Blake and see what happens.

I don't know.

Would you get a cat?

I'm a man of my word with all this stuff. How about no golfing for last place for an entire year?

Oh, no.

That would be brutal for me.

Yeah.

That's the thing.

You don't want to go golf.

But then it's like once I actually want to work, you hate that too.

What are you talking about?

I've enjoyed you today.

I came in.

You were taking a nap.

And you had a couple of Incrustables.

You said that you were mad that Mr. Pear was waking you up during your nap.
I didn't say that. You said he's making noise.
I said, no, you can power through. Yeah, you're like, oh, the whole time.
Power through. How was the nap? It was good.
It was longer than I expected, so I woke up kind of like in a funk. Oh, no.
He slept too much. It was 60 minutes.
Relax. 60 minutes is actually a bad nap time.
That's what I'm saying. I've been here since 9 a.m.
We're going to be here until 12 p.m. I had three hours of nothingness.
You need the 15 minute. Yeah.
I thought someone was going to come in and wake me up, but it just never happened. I like that.
Now he's mad at us for not waking him up early enough. I never said that.
I hate you guys do this so much okay all right we'll figure out a punishment but we will do the picks after we preview every game let's start packers eagles so mr pair is going to pick this game mr pair is going to pick all standalone games this year and we'll see how he does from that packers at eagles in brazil uh eagles are minus two and.5 over under is 49.5. Two new defensive coordinators in this game.
I kind of like the over for that reason. I also think they're all like trapped in their hotels, right? Yeah, it's a lot of travel and it's weird.
There's weird security protocols in place down there. They just don't want anything bad to happen.
Did you see Dus slayton had to clarify online that he's darius slayton because darius slay i guess uh on a podcast was like fuck brazil yeah not him different guys so they're both there this guy's way just so you guys know i'm slayton this guy's a thousand pounds heavier than darius slay yeah so i i don't know um i guess we'll ask max are you worried about this losing streak because you guys are on a bad streak i don't care about i mean seven games in a row they've lost but they don't they don't count from last year oh no if they lose this game that's eight games they're zero and zero if they lose this game they're oh and one eight games in a row that would be oh and one what how do you think big uh big dom's gonna be able to handle the favelas down there yeah big dom can handle anything you know that what if they throw a bunch of big fat asses at him what oh what in brazil they got brazil they got big fat asses you know that i know that but what saquon is gonna hit right in yeah what if they throw a bunch of those at him big dom can handle anything i thought i just said that all so i was talking to mark titus about this yesterday it seems like this is a good bet for jalen hurts to score a touchdown and instead the tush push call it the brazilian butt lift i like that although they don't have jason kelsey but they've got saquon with a big ass that's true yeah that's true um i'm gonna take the eagles in this game just because i

hate the packers but i'm worried about the packers i'm probably going to do the exact opposite i'm going to take the packers because because i hate the eagles that's fair but i'm worried about the eagles yeah although if if one of these teams has the ability to fall apart easy and which one would be funnier to see it fall apart you can at least admit watching the eagles just disintegrate.

Oh, I would prefer the Packers.

Yeah.

But yeah, I think I know we're going to get to our touchdown picks later, but I do think that Jalen Hurts might have a big game. Because Jeff Halfley, like, I was seeing a stat that new defensive coordinators, especially against good offenses, like, it takes a little bit of time.

It's a little bit, which you could say for both teams here.

But Jeff Haffley, the former coach of Boston College,

he likes a little press man on the outside. Maybe he gets some guys running right down the field.

You got some fast guys, Max.

Is Jalen Hurts feeling okay?

Yeah, he looks good.

Max is, I think what he's doing, he's trying to stay removed from any eagles discourse this year are you going to overreact no i you know that's like the football starts everyone asks each other like how you feeling about the team this year how you feeling about the team this year how you feeling about the game tonight i feel about the game tomorrow i just keep telling myself tomorrow's a weird game it's in bra They can't leave their hotels. Everyone is like not happy to be there.
So I think that's on like both sides. So like if the Eagles play really well and they dominate them, like I don't want to overreact because it's a weird game.
If they play really bad and get smoked, I don't want to overreact because it's a weird game. But I'm going to overreact the second that that clock hits zero one way or the other.
But I'm trying to tell myself it's a weird game and that it won't show what's going to happen for the rest of the season. That's a fair point.
It is a weird game. It's a game in Brazil on a Friday night.
So it's easier to write that one off if it doesn't go your way than it would be like a home game on a Sunday. Yeah.
Right. I agree with that mentality.
I'm trying to tell myself that, but my brain is saying that, but my heart is telling me that I'm going to overreact. Yes, I think the safe money is on Max overreacting despite telling himself not to overreact.
You know what, Max? History has taught us anything. Why don't you just embrace overreacting? It's one of the best things you can do as a fan.
I like to overreact because I like to feel something. It's not good for my health.
I understand. Listen, at least I overreact a lot.
I overreact as much as you do. I'm at 39, so you can maybe at least make it 12 more years.
Yeah. That would be crazy, though.
If I dropped dead from overreacting like week two, would you guys change? You'd change your whole life, Max. You'd have to.
See, I would try to, but I don't think I would. So you'd just be like, I'm going to die at it's in like it would be the same thing like going after that i would tell my brain to be like you can't you you gotta calm down you can't care so much one day that's gonna be me and i'm okay and then jalen hurts would fumble on inside his own territory and again right right away i would overreact i hope that doesn't happen again.
Okay, next game. We're now into Sunday.
What's the split we got? How many games? I think it's a pretty good split. And they made a rule this year where it's going to be a good split every week, I think, right? Yeah, it looks like eight and four, I believe, if I'm reading it correctly.
So good split. First game I have on the list is Steelers-Falcons-Arthur Smith game yeah i mean the big question is how do you stop bijon robinson and nobody knows how to do that better than arthur smith that's true it's been all last year doing it mike tomlin as a dog mike tomlin as a dog i don't know if it's a mike tomlin game yet though because it's week one i just anytime it's mike tomlin as a dog i did see that that Russie has got a flare-up in his calf.

His calf is tight.

Sierra's been pegging him too good.

Okay.

Cramp that thing right up.

So the problem is Russell Wilson already has limited mobility, and now he might have...

If you could actually...

Oh, man.

If you had to do a bionic quarterback for every team, so you had to pick top half, bottom half of each guy, their quarterback room,

I think the Steelers might have the best room.

Thank you. for every team so you had to pick like one top half bottom half of each of each guy yeah like their quarterback room i think the sealers might have the best room so if you were to take like justin field's legs yes and russell wilson's arm so russell wilson had his like mobility of a better mobility than a young russell wilson when that was like a big part of his game yeah that would be that'd be a good quarterback if you put russell wilson's brain inside justin fields yeah that'd be a good player yeah or his confidence yeah but then he throwing over the middle russell wilson doesn't like to do that hmm we'll workshop this okay we'll figure out which will work has the best one uh yeah but i just mike tomlin that's all three and a half it's it It's Atlanta minus three and a half right now.
I'm excited to watch these Falcons. It feels like it's been a long time since I've been excited to watch the Falcons play football.
I think they're going to be better. I think they will be too.
I have no idea what to expect from Kirk Cousins. Or Kyle Pitts.
Well, no, I do. What do you expect from Kyle Pitts? Not a lot.
Okay, I expect more than that, I think. I don't know.
know i think cow pits might just be in theory yeah he's really good right in theory he's great in theory but also in theory he doesn't have desmond ritter thrown on the ball this year correct in theory in theory in theory theoretically he should a man his size and speed should be good will we if he doesn't have good year, will we still be making excuses for him next year? 100%. Yeah.
So that's kind of where I'm at. Some team is going to give up way too much if they try to do a trade for him.
Is this the last year? He's on year three right now, right? I think he's on year four. Is he year four already? I believe so.
Kyle Pitts, I feel like, has been in the league. We've been doing the Kyle Pitts thing.
They'll have to make a choice about his contract soon. I'm pretty sure it's year three.
It might be year three. Sort of bad.
You're right. Yeah.
So they have to make a choice about year five on his contract soon. But a team could trade...
No, I was right. Year four.
Oh, is it? Yep. Okay.
Well, we'll see what happens. In theory, Kyle Pitts should have a breakout year.
In theory. Yep.
In theory. Okay.
Cardinals Cardinals Bills very excited for this game I think the Cardinals offense is going to be very good this year and also we have Damar Hamlin back starting he's starting yeah not just uh not just running fake punts anymore he's starting but I think the Cardinals offense will be good I don't think their defense is gonna be good I think they're gonna I think they might be one of those really fun teams to watch like they're in that category where yeah they might not you know they might win 7-8 games but they give us some great red zone late witching hour moments in all year long we're like yeah that was fun Marvin Harrison Jr. seems like the kind of guy that is the quintessential just like throw the ball in his direction

kind of guy, and he'll just bring it in no matter what.

So they'll probably give you a heavy dose of him,

despite the fact you can't buy a Marvin Harrison Jr. jersey.

Correct.

Because that lawsuit is ongoing,

and Fanatics just made a big mistake.

They named Marvin Harrison Sr. in the lawsuit.
So they'reing marvin harrison senior that guy's got a gun i didn't say that i did i'm just saying i'm i stand with the second amendment it's his right if he does own a gun it's his right to do so i stand with marvin harrison senior as i do on every single other subject involving marvin harrison for the record that guy's got a gun yeah. Yeah.
Apparently, he signed his name on his son's contract. I hope they wouldn't notice.
And then after the fact, they're like, wait a second. This is a senior.
This says senior on it. I like what Josh Allen is going to have to do this year.
I like the position it's put him in. Yeah.
Where it's like, he's got to get it done. Obviously, he's got some weapons at tight end.
He's got a rookie receiver, but it's all relatively unknown. He knows going into the season that this is on him, the entire thing.
It's also the expectations are a little off for the Bills, where the last couple of years everyone's been like, Bills, Super Bowl, this is year, Super Team, all that stuff. It does feel like from a storyline storyline perspective if you ask someone hey what about the bills like ah they're kind of they're they're in a rebuild they're in a yeah reshaping their roster i think it might i think it might they might be good and this isn't biased like i think the like dalton kinkade is very good i think i love clue shakir uh i think keon coleman's gonna be good i think run the ball.
I like the Bills this year. And they're going to get some great content from Keon Coleman after the game too.
Yeah. I like the Bills a lot this year too.
Because Josh has been in these places before where either going into a game, Stefan Diggs has been like his brothers put something weird out on Instagram that Josh Allen has somehow had to answer for. And he knows going into it like, okay, no one thinks that we're a team.
No thinks that we can pull it together and then he goes out and he just like jumps over six linebackers right so I kind of like this Josh Allen yes uh okay next up we've got the Titans and the Bears are you a little bit nervous yeah I think it's a it's it's a can't lose already maybe a must win loser leaves town it's a must win in the fact that I will overreact it's a can't lose. Already.
Maybe a must win. Loser leaves town?

It's a must win in the fact that I will overreact.

It's a must win for my own mentals.

Yeah.

I do think that people are overlooking the Titans a little bit.

I think they're going to be not a terrible team.

But, I mean, I'm picking the Bears.

I'm very excited for this game.

I actually feel bad for you, PFT.

I mentioned this a couple weeks ago, that you have to wait a whole slot.

Yeah, at least you get it over. I get it right away.
Yeah. But yeah, I don't know.
Maybe it was just because I watched the ending of Hard Knocks like 75 times last night. But yeah, I'm ready for this season.
I think they're going to win this game. Yeah, I would expect that.
The Titans, they're the team that just added everybody else's players in the offseason. They're going to look very, very different out there, and it's going to take a couple weeks to remember, oh, yeah, that guy's on the Titans.
Tony Pollard. Tony Pollard's on there.
Legereus Sneed. Calvin Ridley.
All on there. Yeah.
Yeah, so they're going to be a new look Titans. And, I mean, Legereus Sneed is a legitimate great quarterback.
Yeah. So he'll be able to take away maybe one out of your three weapons.
The one thing I will say is starting the season with the Titans, actually kind of similar to starting the season with the Bucs. Although you have Steven Che to worry about.
It does feel like the Titans are one of those franchises. I have no ill will towards, and I don't know how I would even get ill will towards the Titans.
If Steven Che rooted for the Titans. Yeah, right.
like there's nothing that could happen to me where i'd be like oh man fuck the titans i fucking hate the titans so that takes it down a little bit where like last year it was week week one was the packers you know what i mean you don't have like a terrible towel that they could stomp on yeah piss you off enough to hate the titan right there's no divisional opponent so i i i feel i'm excited about this game yeah it is nice it's like interconference no real history of a rivalry playing the jaguars yeah and i don't mean that as an offensive thing it's just there's not when you play an afc team that's not been around for a really long time you don't know anyone who roots for them i don't know yeah you guys they never drafted a quarterback that you could have drafted right you got upset about right no there. Right, exactly.
I do like Roma Dunze in this game. I like Roma.
All season. He had a great quote yesterday.
He said that he's mostly excited about the pregame flyover because he's a big, big fighter jet guy. Love that.
Yeah, they got the growlers, electronic warfare playing. Love that.
Yeah. Okay.
Henry. Yes.
Patriots hit Bengals. Bengals are minus eight and a half.
I believe the over under is like 40 and a half now, all the way down to 40 and a half. A couple of things for you, Henry.
One, Joey Chestnut is doing the halftime entertainment. Whoa.
He's going 5v1 in a bratwurst eating competition. He should have been eating Skyline Chili.
Should have been eating Skyline Chili too. And you eat one bite of Skyline Chili.
Fastest bite. I mean, he's going to win that by 20.
Yeah, he's going 5v1. I don't think it matters though.
No, it doesn't. Who's he competing against? Five.
But five just normal guys? What can he eat? 60 bratwurst in 10 minutes? Yeah, he's going against five guys. Five guys can't eat 11 bratwurst each? No chance.
Also, Dan Hurley is the ruler of the jungle for this game. What the fuck does that mean? Yeah.
I said it. Will you want me to say it again? Why? Dan Hurley is the ruler of the jungle for this game.
He's a diehard Bengals fan since birth. Have you ever seen pictures? No, pictures like I think we talked to random it's very random we've talked to him about it he's like there's every year I feel like there's a picture he posts of him and his family take him to a Bengals game so he has been named the ruler of the jungle for this game wait so they have a real jungle there they have a real jungle and they have a real ruler every single game and he's the week one ruler of the jungle.
Does that make you nervous? Has to. Has to.
I didn't know they had a jungle. That's it.
I mean, it's a functioning, legitimate, real jungle. It's a real jungle.
Yeah. Classified as such.
Yes. I don't know.
I don't know what the classifications are. But it's kind of crazy that he's going up against the Patriots.
It seems like that was intentional, right? Going up against New England, and you have the UConn coach there. Yeah, although Connecticut is split.
And they probably just do it before college basketball starts. Yeah.
Ruler of the jungle. Yeah.
So you got Joey Chesna and Dan Hurley in the building. Probably the two biggest alpha males you can have.
Yeah, I'm not expecting much from this game. That'd be awesome.
What if Dan Hurley was like, fuck it, I'll take him on. What if Dan Hurley just goes down to the field and he's got his starting five from UConn? Yeah.
Or I think he could probably, I think Dan Hurley, if he just went like, he blacked out, was just like, I'll fucking beat Joey Chestnut. He could.
I think this game's going to be yucky. Yucky.
Yucky, yucky. Like blowout, but not a blowout.
I don't think it's going to be a blowout. Yeah, it's's gonna be like a 10 to 13 point blow i don't even know about that the patriots defense might not be terrible and jamar chase not practicing t higgins had the holdout for a while i think the bangles might have they've all they have started slow i think it's gonna be a yucky game i keep thinking thinking that Jamar Chase is going to get signed before this weekend.

He'll take care of the contract before the weekend.

He's done a hold in, not a hold out.

So he's been around, and then he was reported to go to practice.

And Zach Taylor said, yeah, he's going to practice.

And then he didn't show up.

And then later, Zach Taylor was like, I'm just going to give you the boilerplate answer of it's done when it's done from now on.

If I had to bet he's doing the same thing kind of that Brandon Ayuk did, which is which is genius by the way the move that some of these guys are doing this offseason which is just saying like i don't want to go to work for a month i don't want to go to camp and so i'll hold out if you give me a two percent raise at the end of it i don't have to go to camp that's a great contract extension hank would i've never held out i put it no you hold in Yeah, you hold in. You quiet in you quiet quit yeah hey hank you are the definition of a hold in when things are going poorly for you wait i also don't think jamar chase and joe burrow have have played so much together i don't think it matters how if he's not practicing with the team yeah i yes and no though like there's definitely just getting into i mean we see it every single September, especially with the shortened...
No two-a-days, the shortened preseason. September football has not been the prettiest football.
And T. Higgins...
That's the part I don't understand about the Bengals. I feel like it was all about T.
Higgins. And then the minute T.
Higgins was like, I'll show up, it's like, wait, oh yeah, also Jamar Chase. Yeah, who's definitely better than T.
Higgins. Yeah.
That's the real issue. And they did lose Taj Boyd.
Yeah. Tyler Boyd? Taj Boyd? Tyler Boyd.
Tyler Boyd? Tyler Boyd? Tyler Boyd. Tyler Boyd.
I was right. Who's Taj Boyd? Taj Boyd's another guy.
A basketball player. Taj Boyd.
Why did I say Taj Boyd? No, Taj Boyd was the Clemson quarterback. Remember him? He was the one right before Deshaun.
Yeah. He was like the last Clemson sucks.
Clemson can't win the big game. I think I like the Patriots.
Big boy. I do too.
And it's not like this is the same early season Bengals that we've seen the last couple years because one was like an appendix and then I forget what the other one was for Joe Burrow. Yeah.
But it was his calf or something, right? Yeah. But yeah, this is, I don't, I feel like the defenses are just by and large better than the offenses this time of year.
Yeah. Yeah.
And it's just, yeah, I think it's going to be a clunky game. How about Bill belichick getting on insta face huh i don't like it oh yeah i was looking it up i don't like it at all hank um bill belichick follows yep what i know what you're about to say what was i about to say you're gonna say who he follows who does he follow it's like brady he follows 12 people follows 12 people a lot of nfl nfl films mcafee but he follows both peyton and eli and brady no patriots no craft i think there might be beef there between Belichick and Kraft? Do you think so? I mean, listen, I wasn't able to make a definitive statement on it until I figured out who he followed.
Yeah, Belichick, do you think he's running his own shit, or do you think he's got somebody that's doing it for him? Probably someone from Omaha Productions, since it's Peyton Eli Omaha Productions. That would have been awesome if he got Instagram and he followed Kraft and then unfollowed him, just to unfollow him.
Yeah, Bill Belichick is unfollowed Mr. Kraft.
And he follows his girlfriend. Does he? Yeah.
I'm just going to see who that is. It is Jordan Isabella.
Oh, is she the entrepreneur philosopher? Correct. Since here, she's 23.
Correct. so Hank you are so down that you don't even think you're going to get blown out it's tough to say otherwise when it's a you know rookie coach and a a new team i don't want to confidently say that they're going to be in this game before i watch them that's a pretty reasonable thing to say are you you going to be watching? Yeah.
Are you golfing on Sunday? No. Promise? Promise.
Do you think it's going to be fun watching the Patriots? No. All right.
Okay. All right.
Next game. I have on my list Texans Colts.
time the last time the Colts have won a week one game is that Phillip Rivers 2017 2013 holy shit they just lose week one yeah I did not know that I did not know that because i wanted to bet on the colts this weekend i do too but i saw that and i was like nope but they don't always play at home yeah i know this is uh this does also stay the stadium is different this year though it is different don't have the the banner for the afc finalist up anymore that's in our gym they got the loser stink out of it. This is the toughest game for me.
If I look totally up and down the board, I can give you a somewhat opinion on every game. This game is simply, it's either going to be the biggest trap or the easiest bet.
I think it's the biggest trap. Yeah, that's like, you could sway me either way.
Anthony Richardson looked good last year in the first couple weeks. True.
People forgot about it because he got hurt so early on in the season. But the Texans, man.
And the Texans look so good. Everyone's high on the Texans.
I'm also high on the Texans. But I'm also high on the Colts.
I'm not high on the Colts. And I'm high on the Texans, which makes you want to take the Colts.
Figure that one out. Oh, I forgot.
I still have Colts season tickets.

Oh, yeah.

So we got to give those away.

Two season tickets. If you own a Joe Flacco Colts jersey, send me a picture of you wearing it.

The tickets are yours.

Done.

It's a part of my take.

Or people probably don't have a Colts Joe Flacco jersey yet.

Someone has to.

What else?

What else can we do?

Submissions.

You have a Colts hat. A Colts hat.
Mm-hmm. Best Colts hat.
Okay. Best Colts.
I want to know what the. Or Joe Flacco jersey.
Or Joe Flacco jersey gets position A. Yeah.
But if you have the best. If you think you have the best Colts hat in Indianapolis, prove it.
If there are multiple Joe Flacco Colts jerseys, tiebreaker's the hat. Yeah.
Yep. All right.
So tag at part of my take. Yep.
And send it in. Also include your TVs too so Memes can post his TVs again.
I love Memes TVs. I do too.
Memes is a star now. Yeah.
He's going to leave us soon. Don't you think, Hank? Mm-hmm.
I asked him if I could watch football at his place, and he didn't answer me. He was just like, eh.
He's too Hollywood. Yeah, he's too Hollywood.
Okay, next up, Jaguars, Dolphins. I don't know what to think of this game either, actually.
So I'm going back on what I said just a second ago. Dolphins minus three and a half over under 48 and a half.
I feel like the Dolphins obviously always start hot. Jaguars have a new defensive coordinator.
Dolphins have some injuries. Their defensive line is not great.
I'm leaning towards the Jaguars, but I don't really know what to think about this. This is a sideline bet for me.
They're going to have the Jaguars in the heat, no shade on the sidelines. There might be rain.
Okay, good, good. I appreciate the weather update.
Got you. Are you sure there might be rain? I said there might be rain.
Okay. Hank, can you double check? Well, it's South Florida PFT.
Yeah. There always could be rain.
You know what they say about the weather in Miami. Yep.
If you don't like it, just wait five minutes. Oh, no, I thought they said there might be rain.
Oh, they also say that too. Yeah.

Hank, look it up for us because there might be rain.

We need to know.

We need to know.

Sunny with chance of clouds.

And rain?

Chance of precipitation goes no higher.

Oh, it's 0%, 0%, 0%, 0%, 0%. 0%.

It's 10%.

It's impossible for a train.

It's 10% at 7 a.m. and then 10%

at 9 p.m.

So I'm right. There might be rain.

No, 10% at 9 p.m.

Yeah, but there might be rain.

7 a.m. and 9 p.m., there's a 10% chance of rain.

Okay, there might be rain.

Everything else, zero.

There's a 100% chance of 0% rain at noon.

There might be rain.

Or 1 p.m.

There could be rain.

And what's the temperature?

Hot.

Hot.

Very hot.

How hot?

Shit.

90 degrees.

Sideline bet. It's a sideline bet.
Taking the Dolphins. You're smart.
You're a smart guy. That's a smart bet.
It's a smart sideline bet. It gets hot.
I think this is one of those moments where I'm really regretting the fact that I taped all the other gambling shows earlier this week because I think I took the Jaguars in every single one of them and you swayed me on the sideline. Yeah, don't forget about the sideline forget about the sideline yeah you can't do it i needed you there to reminding me you think mike mcdaniel's gonna have a new look this year um he gets like frostier and swagger every year he should actually just frost the tips of his hair pete briscoe did get in my head a little bit with the whole he's too friendly with the guys yeah he got in my head But this is the perfect time of year to be friendly with the guys.

Yeah.

Right at the start.

Yeah.

Okay.

Let's see.

Next up, Panthers at Saints.

Saints minus four over under is 41 and a half.

I love the Panthers in this game.

Oh, I had one thing for the Dolphins.

I forgot.

Sorry.

Because the Lions won a playoff game last year, the Dolphins are now the longest playoff drought in this game. Oh, I had one thing for the Dolphins.
I forgot. Sorry.
Because the Lions won a playoff game last year,

the Dolphins are now the longest playoff drought in the NFL.

Win.

Playoff drought win.

Okay.

Does that go back to, I'm going to guess what year.

Is that back to the 90s?

No, it's 2001 season.

Okay.

Do you know the other big four sports longest playoff drought win? So it would obviously be a series in hockey and baseball and basketball twins? twins are not the answer I was shocked at this answer there's a lot of sports I gotta go through right now the Reds 1995 that's a long ass time and then the other two were the Hornets and the Sabres which makes sense it it does those are definitely it's still a long time for the dolphins yeah no the dolphins so so i think we're we can't the dolphins winning a playoff game would actually be bad for us very bad our clock would be ticking next up yeah we're not yeah i don't know what year you are i i just always see the stat of like the last team to have a 10 win season that one's very depressing because every other team is within the last five years, basically. Yeah.
And then the Redskins commanders, you got to go back to 2005. Yeah, I think it's you, then Jets, then...
Or no, it might be you, then Bears, then Jets. I think they were 2010.
But still, that's our last insurance play right now is the Dolphins. Yeah, we need the Dolphins to not win.
Well, no. That was old us.
That was old us. Now our teams are good.
That was old us. So we don't have to worry about that anymore.
Yeah. We'll get our playoff.
Oh, no. The Raiders.
The Raiders are also in there. Thank God.
So it's Raiders 2002, Commanders 2005, Jets and Bears tied for 2010. Okay.
So we need the Dolphins. We need the Dolphins because then it just slowly creeps up on us.
Okay. So the Panthers and Saints.
I love the Panthers in this game just because it's my rule of you're never as bad as you were the last year. Sometimes you could be worse.
But that doesn't mean you're going to be good if you're the Panthers, though. Now, I am rooting for the Panthers.

I'm rooting for their fan base because the position they were put in with Bryce Young last year and how bad it looked at times.

I want for them to not be like, oh, shit, we really fucked us up.

Now we're fucked.

You know, like I want them to have some hope in Bryce Young.

I don't think the Panthers will be good.

I think they're going to be competent, which they weren't last year. Do you know that the Panthers last year, they won two football games last year.
And there's a lot of football games. 17 football games.
Do you know the Panthers did not take a single snap in the fourth quarter with the lead? I did not know that. Both of their wins were last second field goals to win by two points.
That's crazy. It's insane.
That's nuts. The entire four.
I mean, that's insane. Yeah, that is crazy to not know what it feels like to maybe win in the fourth quarter.
Have a single lead in the fourth quarter with an offensive snap. Yeah.
So I don't think they're going to be good. I think they're going to be better.
I think Dave Canales is going to have them. I mean, Dave Canales was good with Baker Mayfield.
He knows the division. Yeah, he knows the division.
I also have my fun Dennis Allen stat of the day. You ready for this one? I was doing some digging last night.
Dennis Allen, this is how bad it is for Dennis Allen. He is now thinking that he's going to get a competitive advantage by not divulging where offensive coordinator Clint Kubiubiak is going to be during the game in the booth or on the sideline correct he said uh we could be anywhere we get in a game mode and try to keep as many things in-house as we possibly can nothing to give our opponents any sort of advantage a reporter immediately questioned if matters were uh where the panthers seek kubiak calling plays to which alan swiftly responded don't know don't know whether they care don't care whatever i just don't know if that's anything i wanted to divulge yeah so i like that in fact they should they should take two options they should take one step they should have everybody on the coaching staff dressed up like kubiak yeah and that way you don't know which one is kubiak Eminem.
Yeah. It could be anybody.
Yeah. It could be any of those guys.
But this is, you know, your football coach is kind of losing it when he thinks that he's getting an advantage by being like he could be on the field or in the booth. Okay.
Now. You never know.
Counterpoint. If Dennis Allen was Jim Harbaugh, I'd be like, this guy's playing chess.
Yeah. I'm not giving any information.
But Dennis Allen is not. Dennis Allen read a book this offseason about how to be more like Jim Harbaugh.
And this is how he's trying to implement it. Correct.
Yeah. Because if he was actually about that life, he would have been doing this gamesmanship for the last however long he's stunk up the NFL.
Right. But now he's learned new tricks that he's trying to adapt.
It's part of his personality that doesn't actually exist.

Correct.

Yeah.

I just love this story because, yeah, the guy's reeling.

By the way, are we going to have Mr. Pear pick a game?

He forgot to pick Packers-Eagles.

Are we doing that during this?

Yeah, he should have picked Packers-Eagles while we're talking.

Mr. Pear is such a dude.

Okay.

Have him pick Packers-Eagles, and then when we get to Rams-Lions Lions, he should pick Rams, Lions. Got it.
Yeah. Okay, next up, Vikings and Giants.
I have a theory, PFT, and this is kind of like a choose which door and one door is death kind of feeling to it. I think one of the two quarterbacks in this game will be better than expected this year, I have zero idea which one it will be I think it's going to be Sam okay I kind of think it's going to be Daniel Jones I think it's going to be well that's tricky because I would say weirdly the expectations I think at least for myself are higher for Sam Darnold than they are for Daniel Jones right but I just think that at the end of the season we're gonna be like oh daniel jones or oh sam darnold not a bad year but i think the other one's gonna be terrible i'm gonna bet on sam darnold because i like kevin i like kevin o'connell and uh brian dable i think is a good coach but there were some times with daniel jones where he was just you could tell he was like watching just like any of us were yeah like you got to be shitting me yeah and we did see that daniel jones moment in the preseason which i know is a preseason but it was still a play but you said brian dable i know that it's a panic move but he's calling offensive plays now yeah i mean he was a really good offensive play caller for the bills before he took the giants job he's also skinny brian dable he's lost a lot of weight um i yeah i don't know it's just one of those games i i i was feeling it before i was like one of these quarterbacks i can't figure out which one but one of them i'm gonna walk away from the 2024 season being like not so bad i actually like the giants in this game but i like sam darnold over the course of a season if he doesn't get mono is he staying in hoboken before the game? I don't know.
You know what? Smooching, Sam. I'm going to say it right now.
If whoever wins this game, I'm going to be all in on believing on that quarterback. Yeah.
For the rest of the season, I will ride or die with that quarterback being like, he's not that bad. I don't know if I can.
Even though he will prove. Yeah, he will.
He will make me look like a fool time and time again. Did he pick a team? He hasn't moved a step.
He hasn't moved a step. Okay.
Throw some lettuce down. This fucking pear, this turtle sucks, memes.
What are you doing now? When he's making all that noise down there, what's he doing? He's trying to escape. Is he scratching? He's trying to escape.
Raiders are Chargers.

Ultimate football guy matchup.

I think the Chargers are minus three.

Over under is 40 and a half.

I love it.

Both these guys, they just want to fight.

If you just had them fist fight, it would work as a football game.

You don't need a ball for this game.

No.

Just send the teams out on the field. Line up, hit each other, and then whoever is more physical gets the win.
I like the Chargers, though. I like the Chargers in this game.
I believe in Harbaugh. Their team is not good, but I believe in Harbaugh.
But Justin Herbert's good. Did he pick anything? What's going on here, memes? Memes? It's okay.

He just takes his time.

Oh, that was so cute how you just said that.

Do you talk to him in that voice?

It's okay.

Oh, my God.

Why doesn't memes come in here?

I think the turtle's a little bit afraid of Max.

Yeah.

It'll, Mr. or Mrs.
Bear will go.

Miss, it's M-I-S-S and then last name Turpare. Let's switch.
Now that nobody's around, it'll go. It'll move.
Okay. I'm excited to see Gardner Minshew.
That's fun. That is fun.
He's going to do some weird shit out there. I hope.
One starter Gardner Minshew. I hope that they don't make him just like a vanilla quarterback.
I hope that if you openly acknowledge that Gardner Minshew is your starting QB1, you have to also deal in the fact that he's going to do some crazy shit. Don't try to change.
Yeah, let him do his own Gardner Minshew thing. Don't try to make him just a boring-ass quarterback.
Agreed. Agreed.
PFT, you want to talk about your game? Commanders at Bucks? Yeah. Yeah, I do.
All right. So you were saying you're excited about this game, but you also know that you're going to overreact.
I almost don't even want this game to happen because I love Jaden Daniels and I'm nervous now because he's so good. I'm nervous that either I'm wrong about him being good or that something's going to happen to him.
You basically want to look at your cake, not eat it. Yes, exactly.
I just want to have... It's like Jay Leno's cars.
He's got 400 cars and he just keeps them in the garage. I've got Jay Daniels.
I just want to be like, that's my quarterback. Keep him in the car.
Watch these highlights from preseason and from college. Isn't he awesome? He's mine.
Yeah. So that's part of the equation.
I did text our friend Jasonason light from the bucks i said hey just take it easy on maybe do two hand touch don't hurt him and what do you say uh he said that i was pulling a lou holtz move which is just always tell your opponent how bad you are so they take it easy on you i wasn't trying to do that i just honestly meant please don't hurt him yeah please do not please do not hurt jayden Daniels. It is a classic commanders thing going into week

one on the day of

the NFL kickoff where one of the headlines is commanders fire their vice president i was waiting for you to oh he took the packers okay i was waiting for you to disavow this man uh well let's see let's see what he got fired for saying he got fired for saying that some of the players are homophobic he got fired for saying that Roger Goodell is a $50 million puppet. He got fired for saying that some of the players are homophobic.
He got fired for saying that Roger Goodell is a $50 million puppet.

He got fired for saying that Jerry Jones is racist.

I got no problems with any of those.

So I think two out of three.

Well, you're missing a big one.

What was the other one?

He said most of the fans of the NFL are high school-educated alcoholics and mouth breathers.

I went to college, buddy.

Yeah, I do breathe through my mouth.

Yep.

At points in my life, I have drank enough where i would be considered an alcoholic yep uh but alcoholics go to meetings that was the part that i was upset about i wasn't i was mostly upset about the fact that he got fired for i think saying that roger goodell is a 50 million dollar puppet he also said that he he helped run state media because when guys had that leak, he had to tell everyone, don't worry, it's not sewage. Yeah.
Yeah, he did. Well, that's your job.
That's been your job if you've worked for the commanders for the last 20 years is to be... You remember Saddam Hussein's right-hand man that was like...
Who could forget? Baghdad Bob. Oh.
You remember Baghdad Bob? I thought his name was Kevin. I don't know.
They called him Baghdad Bob. I'm just kidding.
But he was the one that was like we're winning the war as like baghdad was being leveled to that guy that's been the job of the commander's vice president of communications for a very long time right um also a lot of people are dogpiling on the commanders and it's like the best way i can describe it is like i have an ugly baby and you know some babies are not that attractive just naturally some are cuter than others i know i have an ugly baby and i walk around my baby i love it i take care of it i change his diaper i feed it all the time i'm always going to love this baby no matter what and i can be like okay you're a little bit ugly right now you'll grow into it but the second somebody else is like your baby's ugly i'm like fuck you right you piece of shit right this is my baby agreed only i can call my baby ugly yeah in-house that's how i feel about the commanders yeah when people are like oh hanks a piece of shit we don't like him he's doesn't work and he's a fucking he sucks at golf and he he's a mouth breather and he's worse i'm just like dude you can't say that that's what i say to him thank you i say you can't say that bro because you're I say to him. Thank you.
I say, you can't say that, bro. Because you're a top guy.
Top guy. You're top G.
Appreciate that. But don't you fucking call my baby ugly.
People say Max is fat and he fucking cries and he's such a bitch and he sweats everywhere and he clogs his toilets. And he hates dogs.
He hates dogs. I say, no, you can't say that.
Yeah i get what you're saying pft yeah so it is fitting though that the commanders fired somebody on on the day of nfl kickoff yeah that was perfect that's like a classic commanders perfect but i am i'm excited about jayden but at the same time i just i've seen too much bad stuff happen to me. How jealous are you going to be?

I'm very, very, very scared.

How jealous are you going to be of me if the Bears win

and Caleb Williams balls out and I basically am sitting there.

It's like basically winning the first game of March Madness

on the Thursday afternoon.

Yeah, so what's going to happen?

I've thought through that scenario.

Caleb goes out there, lights it up, and I'm waiting.

And then I'm getting more and more nervous as I'm watching.

And then Jaden goes out there, fumbles, throws interception, looks bad.

And then Big Cat's like, I'm going to go in the other room and get ready.

Because you don't want to be around me.

Yeah.

Because you know that you're happy about your guy.

Yeah.

And you don't want me to see your happiness while I'm feeling sadness.

Right.

So this is, actually, this is the eight hours on NFL Sunday while these two games are being played. It's a big gateway moment for part of my take.
Correct. I think best case scenario, well, for us, is they're both good.
Worst case scenario is one's great, the other stinks. And then we have to deal with the repercussions.
Because even if they're both bad together, at least we have each other. Yeah, yeah.
If they're both bad together, we can deal with that. Right.
But if one's good, one's bad. I don't know.
I don't know if we're going to be able to pod. Yeah.
Probably going to have to cancel the pod. Memes, you're stepping up.
Memes, you're ready for the prime time. Okay.
A couple games left. Two-hour long Jets preview.
A couple games left. Broncos at Seahawawks seahawks minus six uh the over under in this game is 41 and a half i love the seahawks in this game so i like mcdonald yeah i like that guy a lot uh i think he's probably the perfect person to replace pete carroll because they're not alike at all and i like that you're bringing in some guy that is like obviously Pete Carroll wasn't exact was he fired or was it like mutually mutual parting of ways mutually we both agree that you're fired yeah which is a nice way for him to leave I guess if you have to leave somewhere it was like a mutually we're done with this yeah and then you bring in like some tough-ass defensive coordinator him.
I like that transition. Yep.
I like that a lot.

Agreed.

McDonald, I think, is a good coach.

I'm excited to see what happens with the Seahawks offense now.

But they got a good running back.

Yeah.

Kenneth Walker's good. Yeah, I just think rookie quarterback on the road against a guy who's very good at coaching defense disguises some things.

I think it's going to be a long day for Bo Nix.

Not saying Bo Nix is going to be bad, but this is going to be a long day.

So Bo Nix, is it fair to say hand-picked quarterback by Sean Payton?

That's exactly what he is.

Hand-picked quarterback.

Well, he saw the inside of his book bag.

That's right, and it was unbelievable.

Right.

And would you consider Sean Payton to be a quarterback whisperer or a quarterback guru?

I would actually say he'd be more in line with he had Drew Brees.

Okay.

He's a Drew Brees merchant.

He has... or a quarterback guru? I would actually say he'd be more in line with he had Drew Brees.

Okay.

He's a Drew Brees merchant.

He had Drew Brees.

Drew Brees merchant.

Because to be a quarterback whisperer, I think you got to do it with a couple guys.

Got to have two.

But he did it as an assistant.

Yeah.

And he reads a quarterback whisperer.

Yes.

He did it with Don McNabb.

He did it with Alex Smith. Yeah.
and mahomes sean payton yeah yeah sean payton we'll see but this is his guy how quickly into the season do you think sean payton is allowed to be a dickhead to bo nicks if bo nicks does something wrong because with russell russey was from the previous regime yeah it wasn't his guy so he could be like it's like moving into a house. He wasn't the stepdad.
He was the dad that stepped up. Fuck this bathroom.
I'm going to smash it. But with a guy that you handpicked, I feel like Sean Payton can't be a dick to him right off the bat, which I think is good for the Broncos.
Yeah, I'd agree. I think he has to wait.
He's got to do the carrot for a while and then smash him up the ass with a stick later. Yep, I'd agree.
All right, last two games, Cowboys at Browns. Browns minus 2.5.
Over under is 40.5. I don't really know what to expect from Deshaun Watson.
Remember him? Yep. I do like Jerry Jones' spin zone.
Every year he's got a nice spin zone or something. Last year he was all in.
this year he said people were asking him like

what? spin zone every year he's got a nice spin zone or something last year where he was all in uh this year they he said uh people were asking him like oh you got to do something after the green bay thing he said the green bay thing that's what he's calling that loss the green bay thing the incident you got to do something about after the green bay thing you got to fire people you got to you got to change some things uh and he said actually i have changed some things by not changing things everyone's on the hot seat so by not in the past in the past he would have changed things but he did change things but you know what it would have been it would have been actually easier on those guys if he had changed things because now he's like you guys made a mess you got to clean it up yeah but he's he has changed things by not changing things. He said, I didn't make many changes, but within the realm of not making changes, totally changing people out, I tried to turn up the heat on myself and everybody involved.
So he didn't change anything. He just turned up the heat.
So what you're saying is there was maybe about to be a change, and then Jerry Jones was standing in the background as that change was happening happening not necessarily preventing that change from happening but maybe telling everybody let's see what happens before we make this change yeah and he took a picture of it right he's like don't change anything let's just turn up the heat yeah let's turn up the heat let's turn up the got it so that's the new we're turning up the heat of the cowboy season where'd hank go he sneezed uh Grab the Rams-Lions picks for Mr. Pear.
So Mr. Pear does have the Packers.

And Mr. Pear...
season where'd hank go he sneezed uh grab the rams lions uh picks for mr pair so mr pair does have the packers and mr pair is gonna pick oh he sneezed again rams lions did we did we screw up when we talked about jerry goff earlier when i said that he uh he's an mvp candidate because 14 out of 17 games are in the dome do we count this as a dome does this qualify as as a dome? Because remember, they've had lightning delays. They're playing in Detroit.
Okay, so it does qualify as a dome. Yep.
Okay, good pick. I wrote it down.
That was a good question. It was a good question.
Had it been in LA? I wrote it down wrong. I wrote Lions at Rams.
Yeah. That's been absolutely 100% debunked.
Five Pinocchios. You know what? We just made sure that people are just staying on their toes.
Yep. Yes, it is a dome.
And yes, I love the lines in this game. I do too.
The only thing that makes me nervous is Dan Campbell's an actor now. He's a really good actor.
It was an awesome commercial. Yeah.
I fucking love Dan Campbell. Don't ever see you coming.
I'd do anything for Dan Campbell. He's the best.
I wish I didn't love him so much, but I do love him. Yeah, he's impossible not to love.
Yeah. Yeah, I like the Lions.
I like the Lions. I wonder if they're going to boo Matt Stafford's children before this game.
They're not attending. Okay.
Yeah, they are specifically not attending. Kelly and the kids are not coming.
Not after what happened last time. Not after what happened.
They won't let Detroit Don and Sprinkles and Superfan do the same thing. Hank, are you okay? Yeah.
Okay. You had a sneeze attack.
I had a couple sneezes. Yeah.
Sugar? Sugar? Do we have the pick here? Is he picking anything? He hasn't moved. He hasn't moved, okay.
We probably didn't think this turtle thing out very well. I would have thought this turtle would be faster.
Ah, damn it. Now, to be fair, Mr.
Pear does does great picks when he has the sheets that are printed out and he's on the ground. True.
He's just... Because I think he's panicking.
He thinks he's on... It's like the blue turf.
He thinks he's on water when he's on our rug. Yeah, he could...
Yeah. In this situation right here, he's inside of his pen or his crate, which is where he normally chills, so he has no motivation to move.
Yeah. Okay.
So do you guys want to do our uh touchdown parlay so here's what we're going to do every week we will have it in the draft king sports book we all pick one guy to score we put them all together so we're doing a four to score parlay max you got your pick i do what do you got uh sunday night football I hope that it comes down to me David Montgomery Do you really hope that Yeah Really That's a lot of pressure No you don't No but I like to pick Gibbs was kind of banged up throughout training camp Everyone's talking about Gibbs going into the year Montgomery's still the bruiser And the game's in Detroit Yep A lot of people thought it was in LA.A. And there's going to be a lot of points.
I like the pick. I like David Montgomery to score.
I like the pick, too. Okay.
Good pick, Max. I'll go with the one that should get us on the board.
I'll just go with Dalton Kincaid. I think he's going to score.
Okay. So early game, get it out of the way, try to get us on the board.
I'm also going tight end. I'm going Kyle Pitts.

I'm pretty sure he has three touchdowns

in his career.

All right.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

The pick is in.

It is Kyle Pitts.

He has six touchdowns

in his career.

Three years.

He's got a much better quarterback.

Yeah, he's got Kirk Cousins.

Kirk Cousins loves tight ends.

Love it.

Yep, he does.

It's good odds, I'm sure. What are the odds plus a thousand plus a thousand for a carpet score touchdown you're looking at first touchdown we're just doing touchdowns oh 195 you're right okay yeah it's preseason frank too all right okay and then so we got kyle pitts we got dalton kincaid we got david montgomery and pft.
I like just saying Brazilian butt lift, so I want to say Jalen Hurts, but instead- You can't do Friday. Yeah, I'm going to say it has to be Sunday, so I'm going to go with Alvin Kamara against the Panthers.
Remember him? Yeah. Alvin Kamara against the Panthers.
You don't even have to watch that game. That'll just be one that you'll have maybe you'll refresh the score occasionally on your phone on and just see if alvin scored yet can i say i'm a little nervous about that pick for one reason why we don't know where clint kubiak's gonna be but clint kubiak is calling off calling plays for the saints but kamara doesn't need to have i'm just saying i'd like to know where the oc is okay all right i mean this dennis allen guy he's got the greatest secrets in the world yeah but that's good no that's good though that we don't know where he's gonna be i hope he's like in a closet somewhere he's already i've been watching the game what if he was secretly fired blind plays yeah um shadow clint kubiak friend of the program yeah office manager brett they don't make a lot of Clint's anymore.
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Now he's going towards the Lions. Wait, which did he pick? I didn't see him go over.
Oh, no. Now he's at the Lions.
You said Rams. Do we have a ruling? We said we were going on first move, right? VAR.
Well, first move of the last one was Eagles. But he ended up.
It's where he's got to end up. No, it's where he's got to end up.
Memes. Memes, you're the replay official.
Lions. Lions is a pick.
All right. All right.
So let's do our picks. I forgot how we do it.
We start with just saying your favorites. We did two last year.
Two. That's right.
We did two picks. You got to pick a total and a spread.

I like that better.

Okay.

So, Memes, do you want to start?

We'll obviously change the start as we go along.

No repeats.

So, these are our picks.

No repeats.

And, Memes, go ahead.

I'm going to go Saints-Panthers under.

Let me get the exact number. Got to have it.
Got to have it. Memes, are you also keeping track of these? Yeah, I'll keep track.
41 and a half under. 41 and a half.
Okay. Max.
I'm also going to go with an under. I'm going to go Raiders Chargers i like that under 40 and a half i like it though okay pft i'm going to go with an over bronco seahawks over 41 and a half okay i also will go with an over because it's football's back and i want to root for points so i'll go cardinals bills over 47 okay i will go with an over because football's back and I want to root for points.
So I'll go Cardinals, Bills, over 47. Okay.
I will go with an under between my New England Patriots and the Cincinnati Bengals, under 41. All right, good pick.
Do you believe in Jared Mayo? Gerard Mayo. Yeah, thank you.
Hank, I got your back. Who cares? Guy's name is spelled Jared.
It's not Gerard from Subway. We don't talk about him.
Who definitely would have been a recurring guest if we were doing that show. Yeah.
In the 2010s. I hadn't thought about that.
We definitely would have been like, oh, yeah, Jared from Subway wants to come on the show. Oh, okay.
We'll talk to him about the Colts. We'd probably have his pants framed on the wall.
There'd be pictures of us with him.

Autographed pants from Jared. Would have been bad.

What was Hank's number?

Sorry.

41.

Okay.

41.

All right, Hank, you have another pick.

My next pick is going to be the Chicago Bears minus three and a half.

Love it.

I don't think it's a troll.

It's not.

I know.

These picks matter.

These picks matter.

The pick you make right now could be the difference between you having to wrestle an alligator and not. Exactly.
I'm going to take the Panthers plus four. Okay.
Does it not worry you where Clint Kubiak's going to be? I think it makes me happy that Dennis Allen might not even know where he's going to be. Okay.
I think he might forget where to put him. Where you want to put him? Imagine there's a staffer who comes up to him.
He's like, coach, one last thing before we kick off. Where do you want to put him? It's like in the Matrix where they're all the agent.
Yeah. Just standing around him.
Doesn't know who to talk to. Okay.
I'm going to go with one that was controversial earlier. I'm going to go with Colts plus three.
Okay. Colts plus three.
Home dogs. Yep.
And remember, we're doing half a point for pushes. So if anything pushes, it counts as a half a point.
Okay. Win counts as one.
Loss, obviously zero. Maxie.
I'm going to go with Seahawks minus six. Seahawks minus six.
I like it. Does it make you nervous that Bo Nix was named a captain? No.
He's a quarterback. I actually said this to memes, and he was like, yeah, he's a quarterback.
It doesn't make me nervous because Sean Payton was like, I hand-selected this guy. He's going to be a captain.
Kale Williams is a captain. Yeah.
He was voted on by his teammates. No big deal.
How many captains do you guys have?

Like five.

Yeah, a lot of captains.

Three on offense.

You need some captains.

Participation trophy culture.

You need a special teams captain.

Two and two.

Everyone gets a captain.

Everyone gets a little logo.

Here's your gold star.

Great job.

You're not saying this because Jaden Daniels is in it.

I haven't looked it up.

I don't know.

I truthfully don't know.

Hey, they're going to try to pit us against each other. Let's not let them do that.
Well, I think what Dan Quinn's doing is he's not naming captains. I think he's like, I'm going to tell you before the game who's going out for the coin toss, but nobody on this team has earned the captaincy.
What if the ship goes down? Then it's every man for himself. Okay.
Then everyone play your music, get to the lifeboats, fuck women and children. Yeah.
No,'t mean like that. Ha ha, BFT.
Not literally. But yeah.
Fuck. Fuck women.
Fuck women. Fuck women.
And don't worry about the children getting to the lifeboats. Got it.
Fuck women, kill children. Yeah.
Marry men. There it is.
That's what it is. Memes, last one.
I'm going to take the Raiders plus three. Okay.
All right, good job. So those picks are in.
Let's finish up before we get to Paul Skeen's Fantasy Fuck Boys. Hey, it's John Gruden.
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So head to Chevy.com and score huge with Silverado today. Okay, fantasy fuckboys.
What's up? My name's Paulie Guglielmo. What's up, Paulie? Paulie G.
Who, who, who, who, who? I start him. Bill Belichick.
Yeah. He's getting with the times.
He's on social media. Join InstaFace.
Careful with those double taps, Billy. He's going to be double tapping.
He's going to be sucking and fucking in no time. Oh, we're going to suck and fuck.
He's going to be in those DMs. I sit him..
Taylor Swift and Travis Kelsey. Uh-oh.
What happened? Trouble in paradise. The script is out.
They're breaking up. Allegedly, I think I have to say, we knew the whole time this was never real.
Say whatever you want. NFL rigged.
P and V. Pete.
Nope. Yep.
You said say whatever you want. You said say whatever you want.
I want to see P and V P and V I want to see No I would not look I would not look No Do that again No I would not look My sleeper I would look Oof Not wrong My sleeper Is eating shit Oh Okay A lot of dialogue about eating shit A couple studies have come out It's actually healthy and nutritious It helps build strong bones These sound like These sound like some very reputable studies. Who released that study? Just stick your hand under your bunghole and fucking take a nice bite out of a steamy deuce.
Your own poop, huh? Yep. That's something else.
Take your buddy's poop. Okay.
What's up? Hey, what's up, pricks? It's me, Pete Prisco. Love it.
What's up, Pete? I'm starting Chiefsaholic. Oh, that was my startup.
Chiefsaholic is a stand-up guy. Some of the cash fell off the back of the truck.
Big deal. He got a 17-and-a-half-year bid.
He's a stand-up guy, though. Don't tell him your friends.
Don't tell him his friends. He's doing the time like a man.
Respect him. Yes.
Doing it on his feet. Doing it on his little wolf paws.
Yes. I'm sitting Calebs because he cried to his mama a strong italian man like me would never have an unhealthy relationship with his mother like that it's not something that we do why are you saying this i'm saying in italian culture we never have too close relationships with our mothers we don't live with them for forever and have them cook all of our meals, even after we get married.

It's weird to be so attached to your mother.

As an Italian, I'm saying that.

My sleeper is Russell Wilson.

He's a sleeper.

He's got a tender little calf in Italy.

We call that veal.

The veal parmesan.

Little tender calf.

Yes.

Bring me my bib,

because I'm eating every ounce of that, motherfucker.

Yes.

Okay.

My stardom was going to be Chiefsaholic,

but I'm going to change it. My stardom was gonna be chiefsaholic but i'm

gonna change it my stardom is uh dan hurley rule of the jungle you want to go in the jungle well fuck with oh i forgot to say my name is guido uh uh du du du du lecepi hey hey guido Dulespe.

Guido Dulespe.

But yeah, Dan Hurley, my stardom.

He's a ruler of the jungle.

You don't want to come in this jungle.

Ruler of the jungle. My cinnamon's Brazil.
Sit down on your big fat ass, Brazil, because guess what? There's a new sheriff in town. His name is Big Dom.
Don't you try anything. Big Dom's ready for it.
Don't you ask him to keys to nothing on his way back home. Oh, fuck that.
I would love Brazil. I would love them.
No Twitter. Yeah, because some of us do our job.
Hank would hate Greenland. No golf.
What's his green? He goes there. He goes there.
He goes there. Mighty Ducks 2.
Hank would land in Greenland. Mighty Ducks 2.
Hank lands in Greenland and he says, where's the pin? Hank would hate the Pacific Ocean. No golf.
My sleeper is Hank because all he does is fucking sleep. He was sleeping on the couch just a second ago.
Oh, he lifted today. Hey, hand up.
We should have woken Hank up early so we didn't nap for so long. Yeah.
Sorry for waking you up. Sorry, Hank.
I never said that. From the bottom of my heart, I'm sorry for not waking me up.
Hey, sorry. I never said that.
Okay. I might have changed my last two because of you.
What did you say about Brazil? He said, no, Big Cat would hate Brazil because they don't have Twitter. Saying I'm a just.
I didn't say that. That's a timely joke, Hank.
Yeah. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for trying to make a timely joke on this podcast. I'm sorry for joking about golf.
Hank can't exist. And you're sleeping.
Yeah, I mean, the sleeping, I don't really know. We should put a bed in here.
The couch is fine.

Yeah.

9 a.m. till midnight, there's a couple hours.

There's a long day.

There's nothing to do.

Why do you work out in the morning when you know you have hours in the afternoon?

Because there was no time.

In the afternoon? The guy that I work out with.

Oh, got it.

I was like, huh?

The random dude.

Yeah.

I thought you had a chick trainer. Daniel.
No, that was- That was the last one. That was in Jersey.
Oh, yeah. Yeah I was like, huh? The random dude.
Yeah. I thought you had a chick trainer.

Daniel.

No, that was-

That was the last one.

That was in Jersey.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

She liked you.

She didn't like me.

Oh, she didn't?

She was older.

Oh.

You had an old lady train you?

For like a month, yeah.

It was stupid.

It was a waste of money.

What did you do?

Like underwater aerobics?

No, we just- Richard Simmons? I mean, I think that didn't work. Obviously.
Obviously. Obviously.
Okay. Let's get to our interview with Paul Skeets.
Rated T for Teen. My name is Paul Heyman.
Special counsel to Roman Reigns and the Bloodlines wise man. Step out of the ropes and onto the island in WWE 2K25, an epic WWE-themed world ruled by the one and only Roman Reigns.
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And now here here's paul skeins okay we now welcome on a very special guest phenom can i say phenom you can say whatever you want okay pitching phenom it is pittsburgh pirates starting pitcher paul skeins i i think phenom i think you what else have you been like you phenom how how early in your life were you like phenom or next up uh had to be within the last year so it wasn't when you were like 13 everyone's like oh man this guy's no he's the guy no when i was 13 i was probably hitting 11th in our travel ball games seriously yeah that's crazy what happened just grew grew into my body one day I'll grow. Yeah.
It'll happen. Yeah.
No, I guess now you are a phenom. I think that's what you call a rookie.
Yeah. A rookie is a phenom, but you were never a prodigy.
You weren't like an ace at an age. Yeah.
Was it like you put on weight, you grew, and then you just became a dominant pitcher? Yeah. I mean, the pitching thing happened really recently.
I put on weight and I grew you know when I was a senior in high school freshman in college uh had a big growth spurt and then kept putting on weight um but I was a I went to college as a catcher yeah you were you were like an incredible catcher I read something that basically if a scout was like yeah if Paul Skeens caught five games MLB right now he'd be one of be one of the best catchers out there yeah i'm trying to convince uh i was talking to one of my teammates about that the other day connor joe and who also caught in college and he asked me um you know if there was one position other than pitcher that you could play on the field what would it be and i said catcher and he he just started laughing and i'm like, I'm serious. And I'm really trying to convince them that I can catch.
But yeah, probably for good reason. They don't really believe me.
You could get injured back there a little bit. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Wait. So this is fascinating.
So you were in high school, you were a catcher. Did you, you pitched as well a little bit? Yeah.
It kind of just, it was just, Hey, let's go pull out the pocket radar and see how hard we can throw so how hard were you throwing in high school like 88 that's nuts and then you went to air force for a couple years you're still catching then yeah and then when you went to LSU is that when you started pitching or you started all time okay yeah I mean I was pitching I closed my freshman year at air force uh and started uh you know started on Fridays uh my sophomore year at Air Force and then went to LSU and it was when I transferred I was I wanted to be the the two-way player um hitting the fall all through the fall but they were like you're not catching um and I was like you know that's that's fair um but yeah I hit through the fall and then pitched through the fall and then they just stopped putting me in in BP groups groups. Yeah.
And that was kind of where the writing was on. Oh, you just showed up one day and you just weren't in your BP group.
Yeah. I, I, I didn't see my name on the wall.
So, uh, I was like, all right, I guess, I guess we're gonna, you know, try this pitching thing out and see if we can win a national championship just doing this. So you were a catcher at air force and then you would also, you would take the pads off and then you'd go out on the mound and you'd close that same game? So my, yeah, so my first, uh, my first series ever was actually at LSU and, uh, it was during COVID.
So the, the, it was like 25 or 30% capacity. Um, but I caught, I don't know, seven or eight innings and then took the pads off and went down to the bullpen.
And I just remember the fans down the – because the bullpens are on the line and the fans are right on top of you at LSU. And, you know, oh, they're out of pitching.
They're bringing their catcher in, that kind of thing. And I came in and we won.
But I did give up a home run to Dylan Cruz. Great player.
Good player. Really good player.
Great teammate. Dude, this is insane.
So I didn't fully realize that like so have you had – I mean I would assume you've had moments where you've had to like step back and be like this has all happened in basically two years because you went to LSU, you win a national title, you start pitching full time, you're the number one pick, and then before it's even a year past the national title you're pitching in major league baseball throwing like 11 strikeouts a game like that's that's insane has anyone ever sat down and been like this isn't how it usually goes this is nuts yeah i mean people people talk about it but um i don't know it you know nobody nobody's trajectory is the same yeah um's not linear. Nobody progresses through this game the same way.
This is kind of how my journey is. That's kind of what I've realized.
Not to say that it's never happened before or that it's not going to happen again, but definitely cool to take a step back, but it's just baseball at the end of the day. Yeah, wait, so when was the first time – do you remember the first time you threw 100 and you're like, oh, shit, that feels different? I think it was at LSU.
Yeah. We had a fall game.
I think it was against, like, Nichols State. And right after the Alabama game when they were running on, you know, they mobbed the field and all that.
So it was a pretty cool couple of days. Yeah, yeah.
And then I think they had the track man pulled up in the dugout, and it said 100 on there. And I came into the dugout after I pitched.
And they were like, hey, you just hit 100. And I looked on the sheet the next day because we get a sheet with our actual velos, movement profiles, that kind of thing.
And it said 99.5. And I was like, ah, you're kidding me.
You rounded up. I didn't actually hit 100.
So I think it was during the season at some point. Yeah.
They should round up for every other number except 100. Except 100.
Yeah, 100. And then 90 in high school or college, whenever you hit 90 for the first time, I think that's the same way.
Yeah, those are two big milestones. So do you think you could catch yourself? I think so.
Yeah? Yeah. I mean, it should be easy, right? I mean, yeah.
I'm sure there's like a – with all the different batting cages and like Trevor Bauer's whole thing, I'm sure you could mimic Paul Skeen's throwing and you catching. Yeah, well, there's something called a traject now, and that's what I think all the big league teams have.
I know we have it. It's basically a machine that I think it's like a screen that shows the pitcher going through their delivery and then the ball coming out, and it's all your pitches, and so you can put it into a – which is honestly pretty tough for pitchers because hitters have faced you however many times they even step in.
So guys can step in and hit off themselves. So I could catch myself.
I just don't think. Could you hit yourself? I could.
I don't think anybody would like that if i i could if i wanted to i imagine that being a catcher it prepared you to be a pitcher yeah because you see it from a different perspective right yeah and i i think being a hitter also but definitely i mean just just seeing the game from the the other side of it um that was something i was super lucky with when i was at air force we got got scouting reports and then they were just like, hey, you're going to call the game. Because college, the coach calls it and then you put the fingers down, whatever.
But from the beginning when I was at Air Force, from my first game there, because it's a leadership exercise, that's our, our head coach put it. So I was calling the game from, from my first game, you know, that I was catching at LSU or whatever my freshman year, um, you know, thinking the game that way.
And I think it's, it's only helped me, you know, to this point. Yeah.
I read that you were, you were considering both Navy and Air Force for college. Did you pick Air Force because the Navy doesn't have F-15s? Um, no.
That's why I would have picked. Yeah.
Yeah. So I had, I had a couple uncles who were in the Navy and one of them was on a sub and one of them was on a destroyer and they're both six five.
So, um, it's pretty tight, you know, you're walking around like that. So, um, I think, I think the, I, I, you know, at the time i thought the lifestyle in the air force would have been a little bit better i thought when i committed i was probably like 6-3 and i was like um it's like yeah flying f-16s would be sick and then i hop in an f-16 when i'm 6-5-6-6 in the back seat i'm like all right this yeah this kind of sucks do you think are you done growing because it feels like you might not i think so i don't know you i mean it feels like every if you if you grew that late you might still have another like what if you end up being six seven oh man yeah i definitely wouldn't be flying f-16 yeah um yeah good thing about the air force is there are a few different planes that you can fly yeah yeah what did you want to fly c-17s okay you know by the by the time it was all said and done when i was at air force that's that's what we flew to all our away trips um at the air force academy you know they would they'd be flying you know their own missions and just fly through colorado springs take us to wherever we need to go and um and like if you if you guys have never seen a c-17 it's's awesome yeah it's huge yeah and one of the recruiting uh the recruiting pitches that players would give us was uh you know hey while we're flying to north carolina or california or wherever we can play wiffle ball while we're on the plane because it's that big inside and i never did that but um we could have yeah that's so badass though yeah-17 picks up Air Force to take him on road trips.
Yeah. It just works out perfectly.
And C-17s, I think, are the biggest, the most common airplane for ex-Air Force baseball players to fly. So every time we fly, basically, we have an ex-Air Force baseball player, which it's awesome.
Just, you know, having a 2010 grad flying around 20, I was a 24 grad, um, you know, flying me around and it's, you know, he was there, you know, 10 years before I was for, you know, 15 years before I was, whatever it is. Yeah.
Just like the legacy of it. Um, that was, that was really cool.
That is awesome. So, and you still are very active.
You, you, uh, do stuff with the Gary Sinise foundation, which helps, uh, veterans. And so what, what kind of stuff have you been doing with them? Yeah.
I mean, really just trying to raise as much money as possible. Um, I think it's a hundred dollars a strikeout that I'm donating and, um, obviously trying to, you know, just basically get as much support as possible just cause, um, they're, you know, they're, they're a really good foundation that does a lot for veterans, first responders, um, and their families.
Um, and that's, that's something that, um, you know, we, we can never fully repay them for what they've done for us. Um, so, you know, it's, it's, it's never going to be enough, but it's a step.
So step so yeah yeah that's awesome how many more starts do you have left this year man got a month left or something yeah probably like four or five around there yeah you know what i'll match oh i'll double not that i'll double that's gonna double i'm gonna match i'm just matching big cats double i'm doubling for the record so two hundred strikeout two hundred strikeout yeah i'll do 100 you're very good at pitching so i don't i don't want to do 200 all right i'm matching i'm doubling i'm doubling i've doubled love it yeah what's crazy is that i think i i said yesterday that ted williams is uh he's the only player in terms of unbreakable stats that hit 400 in a season and also shot down four enemy aircraft i feel like like you are the, probably the only hope to break that record ever. Yeah.
I don't, the 400 would probably be tough. Yeah.
I might have to get like two at bats and get one hit. Yeah.
In a little pit. That's what that counts.
Especially with the no DH now. But that would count.

Yeah, the four enemy aircraft actually might be the harder one in that.

But you're at least in the conversation.

You're in the conversation. You're in the conversation.

You're next up on the tech.

Yeah, we started the conversation.

Yeah.

I got to ask a question about the game earlier.

I think it was last month.

Or no, it was in July against Milwaukee. No hitter through seven and they take you out yeah were you pissed um be honest you can be fully honest we'll cut all this yeah no I was more pissed at myself than because I was at like 98 pitches or something like that and I was I was I was tired oh you were yeah and that's that's what our it was the outing right before the all-star break I was um I was tired to be you need to like have like a sign in your back pocket where you can take it out and be like I'm tired guys because I was mad for you yeah but I wish I had known I should have been not mad I was also at 60 pitches I think through three innings so I was I was really just and that was one of the games where, you know, guys will say, like, you have 30 starts in a year.
You're going to feel great for 10 of them. You're going to feel terrible for 10 of them.
And then whatever, 10, you're going to, you know, it could go either way. Something like that.
I've heard that a number of different ways. But that was kind of one of the ones where I just woke up and didn't feel great um yeah day games are tough like um so that was that was one where it was almost like I bet we better get the pain going in the second because we'll see how far and then you end up going no hitter through seven yeah yeah it kind of funny how that works but um yeah that was I like I said I was more pissed to myself because I was at 60 pitches through three innings.
Okay, so we can't be mad about that one. And I guess you have a long career.
It's smart to take you out if you're tired. But I also, every time there's a no-hitter or a perfect game, I'm like, if it was a perfect game, would you have stayed in? Would you have at least fought for yourself to stay in? Yeah, I mean, and that's thing that you know i fight for myself to my uh you know to an extent with all these games um because there there are games where i throw 100 pitches and i feel like i could throw 50 more and there are games where i throw 85 and you know all right that's it so it really is game to game like that because i think we are stupid sports fans where we're like 100 pitches is always the number in our head.
Like once you get over 100, oh, man, this is – but there's some days where it's like I could throw 150, no problem. Yeah, and I think that is one of the perks of being 22 probably.
Yeah. Because I would do that pretty routinely last year at LSU,

and we were all comfortable with it.

I would feel good the next day.

My body was just built up, and I think it is still built up,

but that is also – this is the longest season I've ever played

because I've basically been full go since the start of spring training

in February until now,

as opposed to whatever, February through June in college.

So it's an adjustment.

Yeah.

So with the transition to the rookie year, I remember Jamar Chase, LSU guy,

when he started playing with the Bengals in practice, he was like,

it's going to take a second to get used to the ball.

There's no white stripes on the ball in the NFL.

But this might be a dumb question. In baseball, is there a difference between the college ball and the major league baseball big time um and i actually like the big league ball uh more but the seams on a college ball are the college balls are pretty bad um and because the the seams vary so much you know you get you get one with big seams small seams um and then you can feel like the the how hard the baseball is how soft it is that kind of thing um just because like they're they're cheaply made you can you can like feel it with the college balls and i think up to double a double a is kind of like the college ball but then triple a and the big leagues use the same balls and then spring training we use um we use big league balls also and I think up to double A.
Double A is kind of like the college ball, but then triple A and the big leagues use the same balls, and then spring training we use big league balls also, and I

threw with big league balls the entire offseason, so I think that you look at numbers. Guys with

18 vert fastballs in college will get to throw them with major league balls, and it'll be a 14 vert vert fastball for example like everything just kind of moves a little bit less with a big league ball but they're more consistent they're I don't know they feel better in my hand so it's an adjustment to make I think some guys hate it some guys love it I'm probably on the love it side but um yeah it's it's definitely, it's definitely an adjustment. How many strikeouts do you have a number in your head that you have to reach where you don't have to worry about Baby Gronk anymore? No.
Okay, so you think you could throw, like, infinity strikeouts you'd still have to worry about Baby Gronk? No. Oh, it's the other way? Yeah, other way.
Okay, you don't have to worry about baby Gronk. Yeah.
Okay, all right, good. That's good because I don't know if I was ever in your head.
You're like, baby Gronk. No.
He's trying to rizz up my girlfriend. No.
I don't worry about this. Like, I'm at the ballpark.
Where's baby Gronk? No, no, never worried about that. All right, good.
I think you're taking the right approach. Yeah.
But I just wanted to make sure because we'll take care of baby Gonk for you if you need us to no i don't yeah i i don't have social media or anything like that that's smart very really smart yeah that stuff because i don't i don't even want to start talking about the risler and what could the rislers he's next up i don't even know who that is yeah yeah and that's how i was with baby gronk or whatever how long did it take for somebody to explain to you what was happening during the Baby Gronk thing? Because I'm online and it still took somebody like 30 minutes. It was basically like someone speaking Chinese to me.
Yeah, somebody, I don't know, sent it to me or something. What? All right, whatever.
Baby Gronk? Just some more stupid internet stuff. Yep, that's pretty much what it was.
Stupid internet stuff. Yeah, that's it.
Okay, we're not worried about Baby Gronk. And thank God you don't know who the Rizzler is.
Maybe I'll tell you afterwards because- Yeah, whatever. He's like seven and he's a phenom.
Oh, great. Yeah.
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Now you can get NFL Sunday ticket from YouTube TV to keep up with all your favorite teams and out-of-market games on sunday afternoon too get an awesome deal on nfl sunday ticket from youtube with verizon and now here's more paul skeins what what's your favorite type of strike out is it looking or uh swing i love looking definitely depends looking looking is sweet yeah especially i mean not especially not one of those where um you know one of those cheap ones where the umpire gives it to you yeah and they're arguing but like one where you just like kind of beat him yeah um he's sitting something else and you throw the you know exactly what he's thinking right basically i just love whenever you whenever a pitcher like freezes a guy up because there's no there's no worse feeling of like i didn't even get to swing the bat yeah yeah yeah yeah but do you have a favorite strikeout like from this year yeah or or yeah maybe a bat or from lsu uh probably but i don't know i i if if there were one favorite it would definitely be a looking strikeout. I'll say that.
Okay. I don't know.
Maybe – I don't even remember if my first strikeout was looking. Yeah.
I mean the – Yeah, I guess my first strikeout. All-star game you had a strikeout, right? No.
Oh, you didn't. No.
Oh, man. I can tell the word.
Kind of a bust. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Super disappointing. You shouldn't have started.
Yeah. that's going on baby gronk's bulletin board when did those strikeouts the all-star game yeah when did you find out that you were going to start because we were saying like two weeks before yeah that if baseball is smart they will make sure that you start in the all-star game yeah so i was on the dan patrick show and um the day after my start in milwaukee we had just gotten to chicago we were playing the

white socks and doing the podcast on the the dan patrick show and our pr guy um texted me said hey if you make sure to keep your phone on while you're i'm doing this thing on the laptop uh and he texts me make sure to keep your phone on uh and if you get a call from whatever area code answer it and I'm like alright like

I think I know what

this is then if I'm

going to answer a and if you get a call from whatever area code, answer it. I'm like, all right, I think I know what this is then

if I'm going to answer a call while I'm on the Dan Patrick show.

But Torrey Lovello is the manager and he ends up calling Dan, I think.

He was like, hey, I chose you to start the All-Star game.

I was like, oh, okay.

I didn't say yes or no. He was like, do you accept? I'm like, uh, yeah, of course I told me on air.
My, you know, my parents, my family, uh, you know, everyone's watching it. And so that everybody found out, um, at the same time that I did basically while it was, while it was live on air.
Yeah. That's very cool.
Awesome. Where do you stand on robot um umps um i like the challenge system that's what we had in triple a yeah um i really i do like the human part of the game which is kind of probably ironic to say but um we have we have a really good catcher yells money grand doll and that that's obviously how i came up i mean grand doll you know henry joey bart like they're they can all catch they can all receive and that's part of the game is just stealing strikes um and it's part it's also part of the game of you know the cat and mouse game between the catcher the pitcher the umpire all of it um so i i i think if we're gonna go any anywhere with it um the challenge system but i think it's uh i think full-on robot umps is it kind of just removes the purpose of a catcher a little bit de-incentivizes framing and making stuff look good which is for the longest time I wanted to be a big league catcher so I'm biased there.
I kind of agree with that too and And we always say that it's good to have somebody get mad at.

Yeah, always be able to punch.

Yeah, and you're like, you unfucked us on this one.

With a robot, you can't really say that.

Although you probably remember that pitch.

I think it was against the Cubs, right?

There was one last night.

There was one.

It was against the Cubs a couple weeks ago

where it was like 11 inches outside the strike zone,

but it was a position player throwing it, so the umpire was just like, strike, let's get out of here. Yeah.
In a 14-run ballgame. Yeah.
Yeah. That was quite a game.
You had to feel good, though, your manager having your back last night. Yeah.
Yeah, because that was like a – I think he was like, no, you talk to me yelling at the ump. Yeah, that was odd.
That was the first time I've ever had something like that in my career because that's not that's not a thing in college because I guess the ump was mad you kind of walked off but like yeah I don't know that's that's another thing you know Yaz is is a really good he fools me all the time um with those especially to the to the you know to my glove side he's just so good at moving the ball there um and I thought it was like you know well within the zone I look back and it was, you know, a baller, ball and a half outside. But yeah, I didn't, you know, just kind of, I thought he was, you know, stepping back to ring him up or something like that.
Yeah. That's what I love about umpires though, is that like they, they will get, I'm not saying this guy did it last night, but they have egos too.
And so you can throw a strike and then they're going to be like, nah, fuck that guy. He didn't walk off't walk off on me that's a ball yeah get back and then he'll start yelling at your manager to like get you in line i just it's fun having big egos like joe west those kind of guys and they're not always great for the players i understand that but it's fans at home that enjoy chaos that to me is like part of the charm of baseball yeah just watch the world burn a little yeah exactly it was cool because doug came up to me after and uh you know basically said yeah it's cool to to watch you pitch from behind the plate that kind of thing i got he said like he has five more years and he's looking forward to having me again and that kind of thing so kind of a it was cool yeah yeah and did well yeah yeah you don't seem like a guy that would try to show somebody up no and and that's one thing that i was thinking about also also is, you know, did I do anything? Because, you know, like he said, you know, that was the first time I had ever had him, you know, behind the plate for one of my starts, but I know I'll have him again.
You know, all these – that's really cool about the big leagues for me. You know, when I'm in college, up until the transfer portal thing, uh, we're, we're facing a team, like I'm not going to play with those guys, you know, for at least, you know, three or four years until maybe I get to pro ball and they're on the same team.
Um, transfer portal, it's a little different cause you could play anyone and they're on your team the next year, but that's how pro ball is. Um, you know, you, you know, you could trade for somebody claim off waivers that kind of thing anyway any it's it's cool for me to think about how any anyone on on the cubs could be on our team next year and yeah i could be playing with them beyond the cubs yeah like it's just you know we could we could all be playing together so it doesn't make any sense for me to have anyone on my bad side.
Yeah. And we're going to be playing against each other forever.

It'd be cool if you reunited with Dylan Cruz at some point in D.C.

That would be cool.

That would be awesome.

Yeah.

I'd love to see that.

Yeah, we got him this weekend.

Yeah, that would be cool.

He's a guy I would love to play with.

You mentioned like AAA ball,

and you did play at AAA to start the season.

What was it like? So you pitched 27 innings and you had 45 strikeouts um was that just the coolest thing ever being like i this is so easy for me yeah i mean there was there were some growing pains there because i would i had a pitch count every outing oh and i was it was extremely frustrating for me to because I had a pitch count every outing. Oh, okay.
And it was extremely frustrating for me to – because I'm learning how to pitch in pro ball really. And a lot of these guys are big league hitters that are down there and getting called back up, that kind of rehab guys, that kind of thing.
So I'm pitching against big leaguers essentially. I would have an outing where I'm at 60 pitches in three innings and I'd get pulled and I you know I'd just be pissed for a week until I pitch the next time like so that that was the that was the tough part for me you know I was I was striking people out whatever 45 strikeouts yeah but crazy I was almost striking too many people out I think because it was so inefficient I'm trying to learn how to because how to, because I'm, you know, I'm getting a three, two counts too often.
And I did that yesterday too. So, um, it was frustrating for me on that end is, you know, just trying to, cause I, you know, I can strike out however many people I want in three innings, but that's not, you know, there are still six innings left to play in the game.
So I gotta, I gotta cover my innings. That's kind of how I was thinking about it.
Um, as I was, as was as I was building up I'm like this is how it's going to have to be when I get to the show you know um so I was really just learning how to how to pitch and in pro ball against big leaguers when you when you get a uh oh two count do you ever like I'm not wasting one like let me just strike him out right here yeah it depends um I think there sometimes it's it's like that and sometimes uh i mean if there are runners on it's it's different but sometimes i i play around too much yeah more than i should but yeah so you know still learning getting cute yeah they're like upset with you in triple a ball because they can't see you pitch out of the stretch enough i don't know how he does the runners on 45 straight. Yeah.
Yeah. I saw you.
Are you throwing a slinker? Yeah, they call it a splinker. I call it the sinker.
Ooh. Splinker.
What's the difference? Split and sinker. Yeah.
What's the difference between the two? So the splitter is like a true, you split the ball in between your fingers. Obviously in between your fingers, but kind of more in in the middle of the ball the sinker it's usually fingers together and it's just you know you throw it harder and it moves down an arm so i split my fingers a little bit i don't split the ball but i split my fingers a little bit and it just comes off my fingers in a way that it breaks spin and it makes the ball move down.
Basically, not necessarily more than anybody else.

It's just a little bit different, I think.

I just like the name, the Splinker.

Splinker's a great name.

Have you thought about throwing an Ephus?

No.

It would be an off-season project.

Yes.

Dude, the Ephus would fuck people up.

Like, every now and then. I'm not saying every game, but if you had an Ephus just every, I don't know, once a month, it would work.
Yeah. Because no one would expect it.
It's too slow for him. Yeah.
Yeah, Zach Granke. Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, Granke used to do it. It was so much fun too because you're like, what was that? Yeah.
And actually the only thing, the only downside of the EFIS, I feel like UMS don't know how to call him. Yeah, the one that was 11 inches out of the strike zone.
You might get that call. Yeah.
Maybe. That'd be nice be nice yeah so are you working on new pitches during the season or is that strictly an off-season thing uh i think it depends i i when i was in college last year when i was at lsu i i you know i was holding a baseball one day and i'm like oh this this grip feels good and started throwing it i wanted it to be a gyro slider.
Basically I was

throwing the sweeper. I wanted it to be something that was more down and, um, you know, just straight down basically.
Um, and then I ended up throwing it and it's, it's a full on curve ball, which is what I'm throwing now. And I started throwing it the next, next, uh, outing.
And that, that, that was how I did it last year. and it it just worked but i haven't felt the need to do that this year yeah um so you know we'll see where we're at next year probably an off-season thing if i'm going to add stuff um yeah i just haven't felt the need to do that this year i love the idea of you just holding a baseball and being like oh that i'm holding it differently than i've held it before let's see if i can throw it like this that's how that's how pitch design i mean that you know that's how pretty much all my pitches yeah that's that's just carry around a baseball with you at all times yeah i've had you moving it and you're like oh what's this a few pitching coaches tell me i should you know drive around have at least one at least one baseball in my truck, you know, and just hold it, you know, just play around with it.
Oh, that feels good. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I mean, there's something to it. Yeah.
That's how I figured out the sinker, splinker. That's how I figured out the curveball change up, you know, way back.
So, something to it. Yeah, it would be funny if you were like out at a restaurant somebody's like i think that's paul skeins but i'm not sure you're just holding a baseball looking at it so it's a funny story on that that's how i knew i was gonna go to lsu um because we were i'm touring i'm on my official visit there and i'm touring around um went to the football stadium touring the campus that kind of

thing and then we're going to dinner we're going to you know whatever steakhouse it was with the

coaches and it's just me and you know Jay Johnson our head coach Wes Johnson the pitching coach and

then Josh Jordan our our recruiting coordinator so just me and three you know they're all like

five five five six and then me and so it's kind of funny but Wes Wes you know is the pitching coach

he made me take a ball so we could go there and talk pitch grips and then within like 10 minutes

So, let's go. five six and then me and so it's kind of funny but Wes Wes you know as the pitching coach he made me take a ball so we could go there and talk pitch grips and then within like 10 minutes of us being at dinner I'm like I'd be an idiot not to go here yeah he just made me bring a baseball to Ruth's case or whatever it was yeah I'm holding it while we're getting our you know calamari and that kind of thing and he's telling me about you know oh this is this you know seam shifted whatever and uh so i was like yeah that this is how i know i'm going to ls yeah yeah that sounds like it's a good fit yeah it also just dawned on me i never even thought about it but you're kind of right like i feel like all college coaches are just like short angry guys they do have a breed to college coach baseball coaches yeah that that's how we we had this i think we had the shortest coaching staff in the country when I was there.
Maybe it's because I feel like catchers make really good coaches, so it's a lot of catchers who are shorter. Yeah.
Yeah, but it does. When I close my eyes and think of a college baseball coach, it's like a 5'5 angry guy.
Super tan. Yeah, super tan.
Never worn sunscreen. Yeah, like actually uncomfortably tan.
Yeah. We're like, should he get that checked out yeah yeah i love that i i read that you were uh you were a narc in college oh no narc yeah is that true depends who you ask uh you would you would you would patrol around the uh the dorms and be like that guy's bed's not good enough oh so so yeah so so we had gosh what was it, your, your rooms have to be an AMI is what it's called.
Uh, AM inspection is, you know, that's how it is. And, and, uh, freshman year rooms had to be in Sammy condition, Saturday morning inspection.
And we were, uh, I forget what the job was called, but we're in, you know, in our squadron, there are 40 squadrons and then you have, uh, I can't even remember how many elements and flights there are just the breakdown of it, but everybody has a job within the squadron. And so my job is basically to inspect other people's rooms, other squadrons rooms in, in, uh, during the day when I'm not in class and that kind of thing.
That's just how we do it. So I go to, I go to someone's room and it was pretty tough.
You can't have your locks unlocked while you're there. Cause that's a security violation.
You gotta, you know, if you have classified documents and that kind of thing, we're kind of just training for, you know, to be in the operational air force and, you know, locks were unlocked. He had a big Chicago bulls flag on Contraband Yeah contraband and i was like i if i put my name i was just thinking like i'm a sophomore if i put my name on this and you know a major or a lieutenant colonel something walks by and sees this and sees that i give uh gave this guy a passing score when it's clearly not a passing score,

which might have been a little bit paranoid on my part,

but I was like, screw it.

This guy needs to clean his room.

And I wrote, I don't know, whatever, 50% or whatever.

Was he your friend?

No, I didn't know him.

Oh, that's got to suck to turn on the TV and see you dominating and be like, that was the guy.

Yeah.

That was the narc.

Maybe he was right.

Maybe that inspires him to clean his... What would you give this room? We keep it pretty tidy in here.
We pass? I mean, it looks fun. But, I mean, you're not sleeping in here or anything.
I got classified. People have slept in here.
Oh, yeah. I don't know.
This wouldn't be in a condition. I got classified documents over here.
But it's a pretty cool room. We've also had the last- I do have this.
The last month we've been like, we're going to clean. We're going to clean.
Oh, that's sick. F-15 Eagle, 104-0.
Yeah. All-time record.
104-0. Love it.
Never been shot down. Yeah.
Classified. This might be a dumb question because it kind of shows that I don't have a lot of ambition.
Uh, but I always like dream about, uh, being a major league baseball player and not pitching, but the days off, are they awesome? Especially after you win. So I do it differently.
Okay. I think if you ask somebody else, it would be a, a different answer, but I, I 90% of the time when we have a day off, I'm at the field.
All right. So so yeah this is my lack of ambition where i'm just like i would love to win a game and then just like fuck around for four days yeah position players uh 95 of them don't come to the field you need you need your days off but some guys come to lift and you know hot tub cold tub whatever it is um but yeah i i don't a lot of guys you know golf or or you know do whatever on the day off you just love being at the field i just the way i see it like if i'm if i pitch you know i pitch every six days and if if the off day falls on the fourth day i gotta stay on schedule yeah that's just how i am but okay um yeah not not everybody probably why you're really good at pitching yeah yeah i mean it's not i basically daydream about the days off i'd be like i'm on vacation right now yeah yeah and and there are times where i need a day off too i mean it's such a long season yeah it is it's crazy yeah it's literally three times as long as the college season yeah and you were talking earlier about you were a Friday night guy but you were the guy that would get the ball in his hands on Friday nights and I you can sense like a big sense of pride when you say I was the Friday night guy yeah so I think I said that when I was because that's that was when I was at Air Force and I basically convinced the our coach to let me pitch on Fridays so that I could catch on Sundays because I couldn't catch on Friday and then throw on Sunday, which is what he wanted me to do at the beginning, and we just figured out that I couldn't do that.
My arm would feel terrible because we did that in the fall, and yeah, so I pitched on Fridays at Air Force and I pitched on Fridays at LSU obviously too. But that in the fall.
And, yeah, so that's – you know, I pitched on Fridays at Air Force

and I pitched on Fridays at LSU, obviously, too.

But that started just because I wanted to catch on Sundays.

Did any pitchers ask you to maybe not throw it back so hard?

Maybe at one point.

That's like –

I never even – it just dawned on me, like,

Paul Skeens is throwing it back to you.

That kind of sucks.

That was a – hey, dude, that pitch sucked. dude that pitch sucked so here oh yeah yeah yeah um other than that i'd i'd just lob it back yeah yeah yeah do you think you could compete in the home run derby uh not right now okay um i i do think uh i think it was marco gonzalez one of our other pitchers who told told you said this earlier this year, they need to have a pitcher's home run derby.
Yeah. Oh, I like that.
Yeah. And at the end of my hitting career, I was hitting like twice a week because that's all they would let me do because they're like, you know, we need to manage your back and your hips and, you know, your shoulders, that kind of thing.
So I'd hit twice a week and I just completely lost feel for it. And I was just spraying to right field that's the only place i could hit it that's the only place i was hitting them out to right field but could not pull the ball at all so yeah if we did a home run derby i would be just peppering it right field man a wall that's a great idea like i would watch yeah watch the hell i mean show hey would just derby yeah well he doesn't isn't it he's about to win the MVP.
Yeah, he's just a freak. Like, you – being in the game and pitching every six days, like, how insane is it that he's doing this where it's just – he does everything.
Yeah, it's crazy. And I think one of the reasons that – because my body didn't feel great when I would two-way, but I was a righty hitter, righty I think, um, it might help him a little bit to be a righty pitcher and a lefty hitter, just balance it all out.
But regardless, that's unbelievable. Like I've never been in the locker room with him.
It, but so I've never seen how hard he works and that kind of thing, but it has to be just unbelievable work ethic, intensity intensity and all of it like yeah to go out there and do that it's it's not unbelievable is there one guy that has hit exceptionally well off you like is there a guy that you're very careful around already um it feels like i mean definitely him yeah um yeah i'm not gonna look it up i feel like you've played against the cubs a lot yeah we have i probably shouldn't hold on let's say just yeah yeah i'll say it say it yeah classified information no um robs are listening i don't know i dev i don't yeah the cubs are tough to face they're not they really are no you don't have to, they are. They're not that tough.
All right, let's see. Cody Bellinger's two for seven off of you.
That's not great. Nico's got a home run off you.
He's two for five. He's probably the best.
Yeah. And then, yeah.
So that's, yeah, you can't get Nico out. There you go.
Yeah. He's the two for five.
He's the Paul stopper. Yeah, he's also got two Ks.
Oh, no, he actually hasn't gotten struck out by you. But, yeah, so there it is, Nico Horner.
He's the Paul Stopper. We got one.
I guess so. Yeah.
All right, so this has been awesome. Like I said, it's great that you're doing this work with the Gary Sinise Foundation.
We're going to match for the rest of the season. I'm going to double.
So go get some more strikeouts. last question roback question rhoback.com promo code take 20 off first purchase qzips polos hoodies joggers shorts roback.com promo code take uh pittsburgh we love pittsburgh it's the fans the people the city it's like one of our favorite cities hey do you feel like you're finally home at pittsburgh i know you've had a crazy last couple years but like have you had a chance to enjoy the city and be like this place rocks yeah it's a cool place yeah stadium's obviously really cool um only problem is the rain i mean that's just i think my first like six or seven outings at home uh there was some sort of rain delay or it was raining when we started the game or something like that or it rained that day whatever but fans are great um stadium's awesome just beautiful to to look out there i i live outside the city a little bit and so we i don't go into the city a ton um they have a canes in the city so i I go in there to get that sometimes.
Yes.

We've spent some off days in there.

It's a cool place to hang out.

It's just a really cool place.

Yeah.

Talk to Todd Graves.

Get something on the menu at Canes where it's the Pittsburgh style,

where it's the tenders, and the fries.

Yeah. And the fries.

I've never had – what is that, Permanee Brothers?

Permanee's.

Yeah.

I've never had a sandwich from there.

It's good.

Their pizza's really good.

Yeah. Yeah, it's very good.
Yeah. But I've heard've heard about that.
Have you talked to anybody on the Steelers? Is there a relationship there? If they need an emergency quarterback? Not yet. I haven't talked to anyone yet.
Do you have a pro team? Because you were from California. Did you root for an NFL team? No.
Steelers. Just say Steelers.
go here we go that's gonna be like that's gonna lead the seven o'clock news in pittsburgh yeah paul skein says he's always been a steelers fan my whole life it's seriously no that's how you get them they say in pittsburgh there's other sports teams but you guys are the baseball stealer yeah and then there's the hockey stealers yeah yep they're just always thinking about the Steelers. Yeah.
And then there's the hockey Steelers. Yeah.

Yep.

They're just always thinking about the Steelers.

That is one thing that's interesting about the fans, I think.

They're all Steelers fans.

Yeah.

That just come to the games.

They come to yell.

And I've never been in the stand, so I'm just having a guess.

They're coming to yell and drink and just have a good time.

Yeah.

Which makes it fun to be out there.

Yeah.

They're rowdy. Yeah, you got to go to a Steelers game this year.

Yeah, I do.

Yeah.

It's a great city.

I mean, it's walking distance. It's right there.
Yeah. It is one of our favorite cities because just, I don't know, people are just, they're great people and they love their sports and they also love food that's not healthy for you, which is something we love as well.
Yeah. We're describing ourselves.
One of a kind city. Yeah.
Yeah. Well, Paul, thank you so much, man.
We really appreciate you stopping by anytime you're in Chicago, which, again, I feel like you pitch against the Cubs like every other day. Yeah, it's at least twice a year at this point that we're coming out here.
Yeah. That was my fourth start against the Cubs.
I know. Seriously, I was just like, what the fuck? How is he doing this again yeah yeah but uh thanks so much man we really appreciate you stopping by yeah no i appreciate you guys yeah

thanks man welcome back to another fire fest of the week brought to you by our friends at morgan

and morgan you know it really sucks having a loud dog living next to you and you can't figure out

how to make it be quiet and you don't get any sleep and then you come into work and you're

grumpy that really stinks you know what really stinks being out how to make it be quiet and you don't get any sleep and then you come into work and you're grumpy, that really stinks. You know what really stinks? Being tired during the day, taking a nap and then having your co-workers just assault you for exercising your right to take a little snooze midday.
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While they can't help Hank catch his Z's and wake up refreshed, they can help to fight you get full and fair compensation when you're injured. They're fees free unless they win.
For more information, go to forthepeople.com slash PMT or dial pound law pound five to nine from your cell phone. For more information, go to forthepeople.com slash PMT or dial pound law pound five two nine from your cell phone okay let's wrap up the show fire fest of the week henry danny is your fire fest at memes is hollywood what's the beef with memes memes has posted uh the picture of his living room set up in i think four, four different social media departments.
Or four different social media platforms.

And Hank has now started calling him Mr. Hollywood.

Oh, he's just doing his jobs.

I'm poking a little fun.

I like memes coming out of his shell.

But I like to poke fun, too.

What's the beef, though?

I don't have beef with memes.

Memes has beef with me.

No beef.

No beef for me.

No beef?

Is it because, Hank, you think memes maybe post some mean things about us?

I mean, you guys would probably agree.

There's sometimes insult clips.

I don't think it's a grand conspiracy.

True or false.

That's the gig.

He's doing his job.

That is the gig.

No, I know.

I think you actually commissioned the Bears hit piece on me.

I get it.

Did you commission that piece? Which one? The one where I was like week to week, everything. Oh, no, that was great, though.
Yeah, listen, that was an insult clip, but it did crazy numbers. Right.
It was more that I think the 17th time I saw the TV thing, I just laughed. Yeah.
Holly memes. But it got a great feedback it's a good it's a good feeling I get it he found his people it made me laugh yeah it made me like it's just found his crew just poking fun there also was a couple guys there was one guy who had a setup that he looked like was Morgan Freeman and Batman yeah did you remember that did you see that memes that one guy set up he had like 15 TVs that guy rocks pretty good.
Also, maybe I'm just walking. I remember when I was finally like we moved to New York.
I was like, all right. And then I think I lived with roommates.
And when I finally moved in my own apartment, there is no better feeling than getting the like. But then I was having issues where like people were coming to my house being like, what do you like? What is this control center? Yeah.
When it's not like a night of a sporting event and somebody walks in there you should see my basement they're like what is this what closed circuit television cameras are these so i'm i'm no longer in that game but i kind of miss it i love the outdoor tv setup yeah if especially this time of year this is good outdoor weekend to watch football yeah memes i gotta send you my setup got five. I love it.
I love it. Yeah.

People just send me TVs.

It's incredible.

It's the best.

Maximum amount of TVs.

I actually, I can't get enough of it.

Memes, I want you to post it more.

Yeah, me too.

I had a plan for Sunday.

Oh, hell yes.

Let's go, memes.

Holly memes.

Okay.

And I'm not going to, I mean, I feel like my rep is just complaining about my own response. So I not gonna do it nine daughter i'm gonna do i saw that amateur did it yeah an amateur did it memes posted that there's a chance that well i think i posted first uh oh so memes stole your content no that's that's he's doing his job just doing his job uh and i'm not i'm not complaining because I accepted it.

I could have vetoed it, but I didn't.

And the reason- This is really good that you're not complaining.

That I didn't.

No, I'm just explaining my reasons.

I don't even know what he's talking about right now.

Hank's Firefest.

I love nine darters.

So my TikTok algorithm-

Hank's Firefest is that he can't complain about his Firefest.

My TikTok algorithm is nine darters. So in my head, I've i've seen so many nine darters right how hard could it be so that was my thinking when i accepted it and then afterwards when the show ended and we looked into the probability and math of it i came to the realization that i made a mistake uh that's not a fire fest last saturday last week of the year boat party i showed up like 80 person boat party white party didn't know are you talking about the when kent state and pittsburgh were playing it was the day of kent state pittsburgh okay i showed up to a boat uh there's no brothers people on board no why there's brothers everyone was wearing white you were the only person? There was one other guy, but he was kind of purplish later.
I was wearing a neon blue shirt. This is why we never get invited to the Fanatics party.
Yeah. So what happened? It was just kind of awkward.
I knew a few people on the boat, but it was mostly a bigger group of friends that I was not in. Why didn't they have t-shirts for people? I don't know.
They should. I mean, everyone was cool.
If it was all my friends, it's one thing to joke about, but I was kind of just introducing people. Yeah, that's brutal.
I would have gone home and watched Kent State Pittsburgh. Yeah, I was on the boat.
Well, you knew before you got on the boat. I knew as I was there.
You stepped on the boat knowing. Yeah.
Yeah, I wouldn't have gotten on the boat. But I also thought it was like, yeah, it's a white party because something else was going on the boat.
It was like, were you wearing white? And I'm on the way there. I was like, why would I be wearing white? He's like, it's a white party.
And I was like, fuck. And then I was like, well, we're here.
Yeah. Yeah, I feel like if you're having a white party, you have to have an extra T-shirt or two.
Yeah. You have to have some linen pants.
Yeah. Various sizes.
Just giving people a chance. Yeah.
You got to be ready for that. How was this white party advertised? I just got an invite from a...
I think they were just trying to fill out the boat. Like I said, it was a bigger group of college friends.
Got it. And then they were just trying to get...
were the weird guy but nobody told you i was the extra invite yeah my invite did it's the guy's fault yeah fringe guy i don't like the white the white party like no one looks like great in white why don't we do a sweatshirt party well some people look good in white yeah that's true who's that people that aren't fat yeah yeah i thought maybe Yeah, it's brides. Yeah.
Brides? Yeah. You're a wedding guy.
Yeah, I got another one.

The Saints. Who's that? People that aren't fat.
Yeah. Yeah.
I thought maybe he had brides.

Yeah.

Brides.

Yeah.

You're a wedding guy.

Yeah.

I got another one. The saints with their stormtrooper.

Yeah.

I thought the Ravens looked good in white tonight.

Stormtroopers, Ravens.

Sweatshirt party.

I'll host it.

Wear your baggiest sweatshirt.

I mean, that's a Sunday.

Yeah.

Okay. Yeah.
You're invited. Yeah.
Yeah. Okay.
PFT. Good fire fest, Hank.
Thanks. Mike went to a sick boat party.
Yeah. And he was not dressed correctly.
What a fire fest. An 80-person boat bar.
An 80-person wife. Well, the rest of us, we're just living our sad life watching Mac football.
I was on a boat with all these people getting drunk on a perfect day outside. It was a really nice day.
Wait, didn't you also golf that day? I did also. Oh, what a day.
What a good day. Oh, that day sucked.
What a fire festival. His day was filled with not watching football.
At what point during this day, Hank, it sounds like you were pretty busy on the course and then going out to the lake. At what point did you get a chance to peek in at the Wisconsin game? That was Friday night.
That's why he watched every second of that somehow. It was just on at the ball.
Yeah, he watched every second. All right, BFT.
My Fire Fest of the week is Blake related. So I picked Blake up from daycare the other day and put him in the El Camino.
And he loves to ride home, sticks his head out the window and has a great time saying hi to everybody in the neighborhood. As I was leaving, there was a little person that was walking by.
Child? It was a little person. And Blake looked like he was going to attack this little person i mean like went out of his way to really let the little person know don't get near my car and i think that blake might be racist against little people because there was one point where i brought him into the office and uh he saw za in the office he started barking his head off at Zod, nobody else i was i for a second i was ashamed i was like is my dog racist and then we had to see if he was racist and he didn't bark at anybody else who had darker skin and so i'm like okay cool my dog's not racist but now there's beginning to be a pattern where I see evidence that he does not like little people.

Isn't this something that starts at the home?

Yeah.

Well, that's what I was thinking.

I'm a little person.

Yeah.

No, it sounds like you might be like, oh, yeah.

Like he can tell that my own hatred for my own small stature.

Well, I think you probably look down on people smaller than you.

Well, yeah, because my eyes are higher. Right.
But you but you also were like oh at least i'm not that height huh i don't know i don't know what it is the vibes would say that because i was i was thinking the same thing i was like he spends all his time around me and i'm you know i'm not a tall i'm not a tall man yeah but i'm not a small man i'm a little bit small i'm a little bit small, Fyre Fest is a picture of me, you, and Paul Skeens because I haven't looked at it. I don't plan on looking at it, but I got to find shorter people to hang out with.
I mean, I'm dealing with my... Once a year, I shave the whole face, just mustache for advisors, and I just realized that my chin is just hideous.
I don't think you look... You look good this year.
No. You look good this year.
This is just... is just flabby.
Shane got it. Shane just zoomed in on it for Stella Blue Coffee.
By the way, buy Stella Blue Coffee. Fall flavors out.
StellaBlueCoffee.com. Next intern we get can maybe on the shorter side just so I don't look so short in pictures.
No, because then they can't take care of Blake. That's true.
That's a very good point. Yeah.
But yeah, so I don't know if that's an actual thing where some dogs don't like little people. What about children? I think it's you.
I think there's no bad dogs. Oh, my God.
I look so fat. But he loves kids.
Yeah, that's weird. He loves kids.
We look bad with Paul Skeen. Don't tweet.
Oh, no. We shouldn't say that.
Memes are going to tweet. Yeah, that's all he's going to tweet.
Well, good news, Hank. Maybe this means that he'll just stop posting his living room.
Also, really. Oh, my God.
This is a bad. Yeah, really, really bad to do.
We got it. We as guys.
We as guys got to stop doing the arms around each other. It's the fucking weirdest thing we do.
This picture goes nowhere. No.
Everyone just stand with your arms to the sides. Maybe flex.
There's nothing worse than doing the awkward like post-golf round yeah 10 dudes just standing with their arms around each other you don't look good when you put your arm like Hank if you release this picture the Drake May t-shirt comes out oh fuck all right I'll delete it did you post it well the drink you already posted it what fuck? It was like three seconds.

No.

Okay.

Jesus.

That was so quick.

That was so quick.

After he complained all day about memes.

Yeah.

Wow.

Joking.

This isn't a bad picture. A little hypocrisy.

All right.

My Fyre Fest is easy.

It's quick.

I went to...

Right before the game, I went to my son's school. He, he started kindergarten two weeks ago, and he had his, like, meet the teacher, like, see his classroom parent night.
And there was these pictures up, and all the kids did, like, my name is, I'm this old, years old, and I love this. And, like, every single kid was, like, mommy and daddy, my dog, all these things.
I don't think you can probably tell what this is PFT, but you can take a look and take a guess. This is what he loves.
Um, I don't know. Yeah.
I don't know what that is. I asked him TVs.
Nope. Rocks.
Okay. Loves rocks.
So that's what I got. I'm, I'm second place to rocks he's gonna be a geologist it was just two rocks i love rocks every other kid was just like mommy and daddy i love my family rocks yeah he's gonna study he's gonna study the earth it's like okay dude that was such a great time as a kid though yeah i feel like every kid went through a phase where they just were obsessed with rocks.
Oh, yeah. Dude.
Stipping rocks? No. No.
Yeah. You dig up a rock and you hold the rock.
Am I weird for that? No, no, no. I mean, like, looking around for rocks and be like, oh, my God, this is a great thing.
Oh, we'll go, like, to the park. And then when we get home, I'll, like, notice his pockets are sagging and there's just rocks in there.
He's just collecting all the rocks. Remember geodes? Yeah.
Geodes were great. I will say in his defense, though, there was another moment where he saw one of his friends and his friend was like, my dad's so strong.
And my son was like, my dad's actually the strongest. I was like, fuck yes, finally.
Love that. Finally.
So I'm back. I'm all the way back.
Love it. My daughter said I could lift a school bus the other day i might have to do that that might be one that might be a punishment lifting a school bus yeah for pics i could probably do it yeah yeah i mean there's videos people doing it yeah right what videos oh what if we do strong man you had to like toe uh uh remember these that Yeah, they used to tow, like, firetruck shit and stuff like that.
Where they have to pick up the giant rock and walk with it. Oh, we should do a CrossFit, the Murph or whatever it is.
Nope, nope. Get so hurt.
Get so hurt. We get so hurt.
Somebody just died doing that. Yeah.
Well, they were swimming. It's part of the CrossFit thing.
I understand.

I don't think it was Murph. That was also very tragic.

Yeah, it was.

Yeah.

Horrendously tragic.

There's people everywhere.

I still want you guys to set up your own podcast.

Yeah.

We will.

Yeah, we will.

That video will be funny.

Yeah, we will.

Maybe in football offseason.

Nah.

We got the advertiser, too.

Oh, okay.

Signed on.

Oh, nice.

They did?

Yeah.

You're closing deals?

Prince of the United States. We will.
Maybe in football offseason? Nah. We got the advertiser, too.
Oh, okay.

Signed on.

Oh, nice.

They did?

Yeah.

You're closing deals?

In principle.

The weed guy?

Fuck yes.

Okay.

He rocks.

What did he say?

Oh, what does he drink in the morning?

Ja.

I don't know.

I can't remember.

It was something really cool.

Ja Latte or something?

I have no idea what you're talking about. Jalate.

Yeah, it was just a word.

He just drinks weed.

Oh, that's cool.

Yeah.

Jalate?

Yeah, something like that.

Yeah, like Rastafari.

Yeah, yeah.

He was like Jalate every morning.

I was like, yeah, okay.

Rastafin.

Yeah.

Max, you got one?

Yeah, it's bad.

Oh.

Oh, yeah. I know your fire fest.
Oh, lay it on us. No, I didn't even tell you the real FireFest.
Oh, no. Because you do have a FireFest tomorrow night.
What's that? Just trying to figure out how to watch the game tomorrow night. Why? Yeah, because Mr.
Nuptials is going to another wedding. You have another wedding tomorrow? I have another one this week.
I have another one next week. And I have one two weeks after that.
I feel like Max is the wedding ringer.

You're a good wedding guest.

So you get invited. I am a great wedding guest.

How did they all do their weddings in the fall?

I didn't go to any this summer.

They're all in August and September.

That's insane.

Four and five weeks.

I'm excited for all of them.

Anyone who listens, I'm sure they're all great.

It sounds like you really love them. No, I do.
They're fun. I are great yeah it is awesome you got to meet trump not necessarily i didn't meet him he was he was there though um my fire fest is that i'm fat and i have a deviated septum What? Huh? You have a deviated septum? You just got it? No, I've had one.

Oh. that I'm fat and I have a deviated septum.
A what? Huh? You have a deviated septum? You just got it? No, I've had one. Oh, okay.
For a while. Snoring? I have bad allergies.
So you have a deviated septum and a bad toe? Well, yeah. Okay.
I've been at... These are fat guy injuries.
Well, no, it sounds like Max... Wait, let him finish.
Let him finish. It sounds like I got a rotten toe and deviated septum that those are fat guys i don't think these are these are all things that add up the snoring the rotten toe and it sounds like maybe you're waking your neighbor's dog up in the morning and that's why your dog starts barking waking you up uh no okay so keep going keep going sorry sorry sorry I don't know.
i just got to figure it out um my nose is clogged at all times like i can rarely breathe out my nose and i'm trying the mouth tape and like i i go to sleep with the mouth tape on and then i just at some point of the night just, just rip it off because I can't breathe that.

So this is what I do. Remember in camp when you ate the mouth tape? I ate the mouth tape.
Yeah, you did. We woke up the next morning.
You're like, I don't know where my mouth tape is. You ate the mouth tape in the middle of the night.
I didn't eat it. That's 100% what happened.
That's not what happened. You couldn't find it.
I did find it. I did find it.
Okay, keep going. It was just like underneath my bed.
Underneath my bed. Whatever.
I need this is honestly like a plea to

AWL's who find it okay keep it was just like underneath my bed underneath my bed whatever i need this is honestly like a plea to awls who because i got i got kicked out of my bed this my bed this week which was which was a real like i gotta figure this out oh no i i actually do think that you're waking the dog up and that's why the dog wakes you up no because the dog wakes up at 6 15 you.15. You need to get one of those TikTok videos where they pour tea out through one of your nostrils and it comes out the other one, and then you're fucked.
And it's bad recently. I don't know if it's allergies or something.
There's something that happened, and maybe it is the apartment. Are we worried? It is the apartment.
And I want to say this in the nicest way possible. This is going to...
You don't start something like that and then say anything remotely nice. Mrs.
Delente, if you're listening to this podcast right now, turn it off right now. We don't need you anymore.
She's going to listen. Okay.
Turn it off. Are we in the...
Max could die in a sleep stage? No. No.
No. It feels like you're struggling to breathe in the middle of the night no i also that was with the mouth tape i think that snoring is the one ailment or whatever you want to call it that people go through that has the most like quack science remedies that don't work i would try like the ones at the bottom of the shittiest news articles you'll ever read where it's the sponsored post things.
It's like, here's how to cure snoring. Tie a tennis ball around your waist.
I haven't seen any of that, but if anyone wants to tell me something like that, I'll try it. I mean, girlfriend try and plug your nose.
No, she. That's what I do to my brother.
I would just walk up and just fucking. What a dick.
It would stop him. I mean, he do it.
He would do it to me. We live in the same room i snored too yeah you guys just spent the whole childhood plugging each other's noses your parents walk in and it looks like hank's trying to kill his brother like like i'm sniffling at all times i just sniffle i just sniffled right there it's just i gotta figure out a way because the mouth tape tape is fine and i put in nasal spray before i go to bed and it's's fine.
I go to sleep, and I don't snore, and it's great. But then midway through the night, the nasal spray wears off, and then my nose is just plugged again.
You might be addicted to nasal spray. Your body might be addicted to it.
So when it goes hours without it, it just gets stuffy. No, but this is like a past week thing.
Oh. I know i don't know i gotta like i gotta try the like do you think those those nasal strips can't do anything right i think you need one of the the huge machines like the iron lung you need an iron lung it's not that bad but like the like you don't right am i right like the the you know you gotta try it people who...
You gotta try it, dude. I know.
I gotta try it. Sounds like you gotta try everything.
We'll sleep upside down. That's...
That sounds bad. No, I gotta try it.
If anyone out there knows any remedies, let me know. You know, like, the tea I'm talking about? No.
Are you talking about the neti pot? Yeah. Well, you use the mouth tape, right, Hank? Yes.
Yes. I use the mouth tape.
It helps. You should do it on the podcast.
But I do... I need to say I don't talk.
Can't exist. That's true.
You're right. You're right on that one.
Yeah, the neti pot. But yeah, sometimes...
No, neti pot rocks. Neti pot's wild.
But also, you can die from the neti pot. Did did you know that no yeah if you don't use like the right water it can like go into your brain and kill you that's if there's like from anything if there's an amoeba a brain eating amoeba that's inside your water and right or it into your nose it goes into your brain yeah crazy that's why you want to boil that shit i would say it's like 25 of the time i wake up with the mouth tape still on either like drool through it and and it falls off, or I just rip it off in my sleep.
That's how I am with the old Bluetooth blindfold. In the morning, I wake up, and it's on the ground somewhere.
I don't know if I was listening to a podcast that I hated, and I threw it off. It's like, God damn it, Alex Cooper, she's done it again.
I'll never be as good. So the AWS need to come to your defense basically just let me know all

right someone come to your rescue yeah your life yeah it is i like this instead of seeing doctors we just ask the listeners yeah i like that help us out i'm just gonna use that for my fire fat ailment i do should we all do a sleep study oh i did a sleep study when i was a kid No, I don't want to know.

I didn't sleep study when I was a kid.

I don't sleep, and when I do, I sweat. That could be kind of funny.
Yeah, maybe we should do some sleep study. Who's the worst sleeper? Who's the best? Who's the worst sleeper? This could be sponsored.
I bet you there's a place that's doing this. We should do a sleep study.
I did a sleep study when I was a kid. Yeah, I'd like to see all of our stats.
I was falling asleep while driving. The only request.
I can't have the. Wait, what? When you said kid, I thought you meant like.
What? No, like high school. You fell asleep while driving? I would just doze off.
And did you crash? I didn't crash. In the morning on the way to school? No.
Because it was 6 a.m.? I would drive for baseball practice at 5 o'clock. I was just doing too much shit.
I was waking up too early and working out and going to baseball practice. You might have narcoleps.
That's what happens. Yeah, true.
Dude, almost falling asleep driving is the scariest thing ever. Oh, yeah.
That's why I had to get a sleep study. A couple times where it's like I've been so exhausted and you just got to pull over and shut your eyes.
It's the scariest thing. Max, I just looked up WebMD, remedies for snoring.
They're going to say that I'm dying. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
WebMD is dead. Tell me if you would consider any of these.
Lose weight. Yep.
Yep. Why don't we telly slicer anymore? Because you lose weight.
No, we'll eat meats. Nothing else.
Avoid alcohol. Nope.
Okay. Practice good sleep hygiene.
I guess I do. I don't even know what that means.
I like take a shower before bed. It sounds like you might sleep too hard.
Like when you turn off, you're off yeah uh open nasal passages what does that even fucking mean that means like use some of that use some of those breathe right yeah whatever yeah maybe the breathe right strips will work yeah uh because the mouth tape works i just i rip it off and then it doesn't work anymore when's the last time you washed your pillows? Literally like yesterday.

Okay.

God.

Those pillows can talk.

Those pillows are chilling.

I always put one between my legs.

Yeah.

Always.

I go one between my legs, one body, one head.

I go under the arms sometimes.

Do you stay well hydrated?

No.

Okay.

Yeah, you got to do that body armor.

But that's such bullshit. Anytime you complain about anything on there's always a drink more water yeah but it actually does like cure everything but if you drink too much then you die yeah dry drowning i almost just drink pugs water um okay so help help us out awls help max out we got to get him sleeping um okay good show boys we got a new sponsor alert for the lottery ball new sponsor alert uh jackpocket so order official state lottery games on your phone with jackpocket america's number one lottery app the mega millions jackpot is now over 740 million dollars you can do it all from your phone new customers get a free mega millions ticket using And code PM that's code pmt on jackpocket for all awls listen nothing would make me happier than awls winning the lottery with our code free ticket use code pmt that's code pmt on jackpocket for all

awls uh so go check it out right now uh okay numbers 17 56FT have you ever gotten this 97 Pug stop telling numbers to me in public I will not stop it I'm not taking your public numbers stop I wouldn't wish this on my worst Hank you would love for this to be Hank you this upon Hank. Hey, remember when we said we were going to clean the studio before football season? Whoops.
Let's do it. Let's do it next week.
Let's have a clean day. Let's pick a time we'll clean.
We'll make a PMTV out of it. Yeah, love it.
12. Tell me.
Love you guys

What was that Shane?

He had 21

He's a horny guy

That's not even close to 12

Same numbers

Yeah

Love you guys

Shane have you ever gotten it?

Yeah

Oh you have okay

Memes

Memes hasn't gotten it in either studio

Memes is a big loser

Never have gotten it

But he's got sick TVs

Yep

Buy another TV this weekend memes

Okay gotten it but he's got sick tvs buy another tv this weekend memes okay Thank you. Thank you.
so

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