Coach Mike Vrabel, Comedian Gary Vider Growing Up With A Scam Artist Dad + We Introduce Our New Intern

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
On today's Pardon My Take, we have a packed, packed show. Our good friend, Coach Mike Vrabel, on the show.
Awesome interview with Coach Vrabes. Large and intimidating.
Yes. We also have a very interesting interview with comedian Gary Veder, who has a new podcast out that everyone should go listen to called Number One Dad, basically talking about his childhood living with a father who was a scam artist, and he had these crazy stories.
He snuck into MSG with his dad over 50 times. Awesome interview with him.
We're going to try to do the Mount Rushmore pizza toppings for real this time it's our third try at this we tried it last year we tried to run it back and uh and give hank a shot at redemption hank threw it right off the top taking spinach in the first round yeah so but i think hank's really turned around his attitude's much better i was watching the old clip and hank used to be just in a sour mood all the time yeah didn't want to talk didn't want to participate all he did was complain that we ruined mount rushmore season but now it's the summer of hank we've got a new boy and he's chipper as hell different guy this is gonna be great different guy and then we also have the introduction of our intern so we're going to whether there's an extra person in here our new intern uh who we all are fond of he's been in the office for a couple days now but we've kept him a secret because we wanted the awl to see him first so we'll finish then with fire fest but we have an awesome show as we progress through the season every fan knows that big wins are hard to come by and tough losses are even harder to accept but you know what isn't hard to accept? Discover.

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Okay, let's go now in the street there is violence and then a lot of work to be done

no place to hang out or wash in and then i can't blame all on the sun Oh no We're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue And then we'll take it higher Oh we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue It's part of my take presented by Barstool Sports Welcome to part of my take presented by DraftKings Best Best Ball Week is here. Download the DraftKings app.
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It's Best Ball Week only on DraftKings. Today is Friday, July 19th and my co-host looks like

a poodle. Got the perm, baby.

Yes. Got the perm.
Finally, at long time.

Yes. Now, I've wanted

to pay this bet off for a long time.

I was originally supposed to pay it off when I got

the tattoo. Memes

didn't book the appointment correctly.

Not to throw memes under the bus. Don't point fingers.

But if I were to point a finger, it would be directly

at memes, but I'm not going to. Yep.
I tried to reschedule it a couple times. Things popped up with travel.
Finally got it done today. I was the first male partner.
What? Popped up? Yeah, things popped up with travel. Things popped up with travel, yeah.
Are we starting off with a negative attitude? No, I'm just curious. Things popped up with travel.
I actually was going to do it the day before Beer Olympics, But when we got kicked out, I scheduled it. Then we kicked ourselves back in, had to reschedule it.
You didn't know Super Bowl week was happening? Didn't know Super Bowl week that blindsided me. Final Four also blindsided.
Yep. I was the guy's first perm.
Oh. So a guy in that salon had never done a perm on a guy before.
Wait, was it his first perm or a first? It was his first perm. First perm first same sex perm same we're doing it now perm is perm yep in 2024 you look good thank you shout out to the people at salon sen nice and salon uh up north in boystown love it great place to get a perm it does smell though the stuff that they put in your hair yeah they don't tell you about that they they really stink it up for a while.
I'll be honest. It looks like you just jumped in the ocean.
Yeah. I mean, I've got curly hair anyway, so I told them to use the tightest, smallest rods they could find.
How long does it last? I think until I wash it out. So it's tough.
Yeah. No, I'm not going to wash it out.
I can see why you put it off for so long. No, I didn't put it off, Hank.
You missed it. Meme screwed it up.
If you wondering why hank might be in a bad uh mood is because we're doing the out rush more of pizza toppings today for the third time we've done it twice uh the famous first time we threw it well we didn't throw it we were just trying to help our boy second time hank threw it third time we're gonna do it for real for real yeah real for real um okay so you got your perm i kind of like it yeah it looks i'll tell you what cruising the el camino with a perm hanging out yeah that's a good look you're basically a time traveler i'm pretty much from 1970 yeah i'm living dazed and confused yeah so um we have a couple sports things to get to before we get to mount rushmore but the other thing we have to get to uh there's another person here. And we have our intern.
And his name is Matt. Or Matthew.
Matthew? I'd prefer Matthew. Okay, great.
Okay, why would you prefer Matthew? I think I'm a little too fat for Matt. Okay.
I think, you know, Matt's, you know, last six months, they've probably gotten laid. Yeah, right.
And you have not. Hey, you said it.
Okay. then you lose the letters yeah then you'll just be matha but then what's the point yeah yeah so i know when you came in for the interview we instantly fell in love with you i'm a little disappointed that you're not wearing the suit again because the suit that you wore was a good look yeah it was a good look i got it i mean i i can bring in any day.
Okay. So you got your one suit.
Yeah. Matthew, we'll get your backstory real quick in a second.
And then we also give you a task. Matthew blew us away.
He came in the wettest handshake of all time, which, by the way, I don't know if you guys shook his hand on Wednesday's first day. Yeah.
Still wet. always damp uh still wet still wet he's our moist little boy see he had an upper lip that was just wet as could be uh and then he sat down and we started talking he is uh nba hole on twitter with a w with a w and we were asking about it and he said that the he had an NBA podcast called NBA Hole

but he then decided he was gonna you know equal time here we're gonna add the women so he became

NBA Hole with the W and then we asked uh if we could listen to his podcast and we're like hey

how many episodes have you done and he's like I've been doing it for a couple years I got

over 200 episodes like great we'll listen to it he said well I accidentally deleted uh

Let's go. have you done and he's like i've been doing it for a couple years i got uh over 200 episodes like great we'll listen to it he said well i accidentally deleted uh over 200 of my episodes so that right there was basically like we need this guy yeah we need you we need you that that seems like the kind of guy that would fit in real well around here yeah and then and then i think he also had it did you have another podcast yeah, that also accidentally fell in the same category of waste.
Okay. That one.
But yeah, that one was more of like just a whatever, you know, whatever floated my boat type of podcast. Okay.
What does float your boat? You know, just whatever I'm in the mood for. Yeah.
I'm a big, you know, sports scene. Those are my hobbies.
Gambling, obviously. I'm a big horror movie fan, so I like to get into weird thoughts and which killer could kill me quicker.
Okay, okay. You know, type of thing.
Which guy do I have a shot against? Yeah. Who do you have a shot against? Pennywise.
Okay, nice. You're ready with that.
I've never seen it. Well, you never need to.
Is that IT? Yeah, IT. it yeah it that scared the fuck out i saw it way too young as a child like the first one yeah and i shouldn't have seen that movie and i saw it and it was the scariest thing ever all right so matthew give us a backstory give us who are you from what are you about what are you about what are you what were you doing before this you know.
Yeah. I'm from Detroit.
A little bit north of Detroit, more specifically.

A small little town called Macomb.

Okay.

A high school.

We got a lot of cougars out there because that's our high school name.

Okay.

You know, a couple hot moms, but, you know, a lot more young studs.

We won a state title this year.

Oh, you think so?

Oh.

We were, like, first place in the state, you know, like, what, a year, two years ago so you're asking you're saying it like we know we don't know yeah what's i'm hoping somebody else so we're talking like the football team they're going to win state this year michigan uh that's the goal okay every year i'm gonna hold you that i'm gonna be become very very uh i'm gonna pay a lot of Michigan Heights school football. Do it.
You're going to be in it for a rude awakening. You don't even know what team he roots for.
Yeah, come on. What if he roots for Macomb? You're not going to.
No, I'm a Kalamazoo guy. Well, we have a rival.
Yeah, I know. Okay.
Who's the rival? Chippewa. Yeah, Chippewa.
That's my team. Yeah, they went under a name change a couple years ago.
Yeah, now they're just the football team. Yeah, what happened? I think they're the Big Reds now.
Okay. That's almost worse.
Yeah, that might have been the old name. They changed.
They won this title in 2019. So we're falling behind them.
Okay so you you're from north of of detroit michigan yeah did you go to college not one bit i took one uh one english class once okay where uh at a community college in macomb okay why'd you take one class well i just wanted to get it tested out you know see how i could do in the college life see how you know you know, just I was working. So just let's add one thing.

See if I can manage a class, manage the extra hours.

Couldn't.

Okay.

The extra hour?

It was about an hour and a half.

So what kind of jobs did you have after high school?

So I've done, you know, lots of odds and ends.

A cook, prep cook, laborer, non-union.

You know, so just done it all. Very good, yeah.
Yeah, don't know what a union looks like. Okay.
What does laborer mean? That seems like it could be anything. Exactly.
Picking things up, putting things down. Yeah.
Giving birth? Yeah, putting some drywall. Maybe, you know, I'm the grunt work.
So up and down the stairs, you know, I was the one carrying everything. So Randy didn't hurt his back type of thing yeah um and then yeah like you know just helping you know hold stuff uh get this yeah you know nothing skill that sounds illegal well like hey hold this for me no not hold this hold this bag for me hold the ladder up so i can install the light got it got it got it that type of hold okay um and yeah just kind of stuff like that just uh i wouldn't say anything too skillful but uh yeah we got to get you together with jerry oh me and jerry had a night last night they are very good friends already yeah you remind a lot of interest you remind me a lot of jerry right off they share a lot of interest how They share a lot of interest.
How much money are we going to have to loan you? A lot of political interest. Yeah.
You're not going to have to loan it. You're going to have to earn it.
Okay. All right.
So the podcast that you started, NBA Hole. Yeah.
I kind of want to just call you Hole. I don't know.
I like Matthew for some reason. Hole is good, I think.
Hole Matthew. We're just a nickname company, though.
Yeah. I need nicknames.
I know, but it feels like he's a Matt guy, and then Matthew's almost his nickname. It's our intern Hole.
I think I'm going Hole. Okay.
With a W? That's so weird. Or just like our guy Hole? I mean, we call memes at Tahoe.
He's introducing himself to celebrities like, hey, what's up, Hank? And he goes, hey, I'm Memes. And the people were just like, what? Memes makes sense.
He's a memes guy.

But saying memes to another human being is weird.

But that's the beauty of it. Okay.

All right.

We'll work on it.

Let's not.

We have a kid named Pug.

Also, Matt.

Well, he's a dog.

Matt and Max sound a lot alike.

Matthew, that's what I'm saying.

Matthew.

I like Matthew.

But okay, we'll figure it out.

We can't decide right now. Let's see how we go.
He's going to do something stupid. So you started the podcast.
What inspired you to start your own podcast? I just love sports. I like a place to go and talk about it and funnel it down into a place where I...
I'll be honest. I've listened to my own podcast two to three times over.
What? That's crazy. I wanted to understand...
Wait, so were you listening to your podcast so you had another podcast to listen to? Or were you making your podcast so you had another podcast to listen to? No, I was making it just so I could go back and listen to myself and learn how I talked and my beats. Oh, okay.
That's good. Yeah.
And practice that so that it was like, because I can sit there and hear somebody else talk and talk about, I can sit there. There we go.
I can sit there and hear somebody else talk and do all that, but when it came to myself, I just wanted to actually understand how my beats and my emotions and at the end of the day, you could talk, but then you're not listening back to the film. It's going over game tape.
All 22. Except for you when you deleted it all.
Well, listen. I already listened to it back twice.
I had all the information. Is there something that you listened back to that you changed about how you did the podcast? I just like certain in and out of topics, how I would transfer it from one topic to another, just making sure those transitions were a little bit better, understanding, making sure that there was a little bit more of a beginning beginning middle and end to my points and not just uh a point that you know didn't know where it was going to fizzle out so just kind of being a little bit more prepared for those things not even necessarily writing it down but just mentally knowing where to take that okay so let's let's show everyone what you can do so uh why don't you tell us your order of teams like your your fandom order of teams.
You can do college as well. And then transition into the first thing we asked you to do, which was we want the top 10 current basketball players in the world.
So that's NBA and WNBA combined. All right.
All right. Well, first off, I guess I'll give you my rundown of my teams.

First off, as you can see, I'm repping them proudly, defending, reigning, undisputed national champions of the college football world, the Michigan Wolverines. Okay.
So the football team will go one. Dan Campbell and the Detroit Lions are going to have to take a nice spot at number two.
number three sadly

my loyalty

goes out to Tommy Gores and the Detroit Pistons. Okay.
Four, Dusty May coming into Michigan Wolverine basketball. Okay.
Taking them back. I like that.
Fab Five is going to be fabulous once again. Okay.
Yeah, then, you know, Tigers and Red they're at the bottom they're tied are you are you a michigan man michigan man of heart what makes a michigan man well that's a good question um hard work and that's about it okay what would you say to people who might call you a walmart wolverine You're not a half wrong. Okay.
I think that's a fair statement. Because I think at the end of the day, I think it's fair to say the Wolverines have a little bit of pride and prestige.
And, you know, a lot of doctors and lawyers go there. Yeah.
So when you never went to Michigan and you never even touched the university, but then you're sitting there saying, look at these boys. These are my boys.
It feels a little, you know, it feels a little fucked up. Listen, I don't prescribe to the theory, the Walmart Wolverine, I think you should root for whoever you root for and it doesn't fucking matter.
If you were to say that about everyone that cheered for every SEC team. Yeah, it's stupid.
There's a level of prestige. Yeah, but gatekeeping that stuff is the dumbest thing in my mind.
So, all right, so those are your teams. Oh, yeah, and then, you know, but at the end of the day, those teams are awesome.
They are nowhere near as awesome as these 10 people in and out of the NBA and WNBA world. That was a great transition.
That was a great transition. And last, we're going to start with number 10.

The old man himself, the man who's done it before,

and he'll do it again, LeBron James.

You think he's going to win another title?

He could.

Wait, are you a LeBron fan?

I like excellence.

Okay.

Okay.

And he's been excellent.

Okay, so you are a LeBron fan.

For now.

What do you think about him making the Lakers draft his son?

Man. It was disappointing um lebron's a better person than that and i think at the end of the day sure he's gonna play with brawny one day but it's i like that you're disappointed you're actually you're disappointed yeah what about i mean i always say a man who doesn't spend time with his family can never be a real man.
That's what I always say. Maybe he was trying to speed line that process.
Yeah. Bringing Bronny to his team.
Yeah. So, you know, just disappointing.
Okay. Just, you know, made me look at him differently as a father.
Oh. That's what I was like.
Oh, okay. Yeah.
Number nine. Not a father.
Are you a dad? No. Okay.
And neither is this guy, I don't think. Joel Embiid.
Okay. I think he definitely is a father.
He's 100% a father. 100% a father.
All right. Arthur is the name of his son.
Yeah. I got a dog named Arthur.
All right. So he's number nine.
What kind of dog? A Pomsky. What's that? Like a little...
That's the chief of staff for Coach O at LSU, remember? A Husky. A Husky Pomeranian.
Okay, yes. Yeah, he's a little thing.
Okay. Joelle, you know, dined, but, you know, at the end of the day, is he going to do it? No.
Number eight. I like how he did.
That was a great, like, sports broadcaster thing. You didn't even answer your own question.
Is he going to do it? And then just go to the next one. Number eight, a guy who arguably maybe shouldn't be on this list.
You made it. That's why I'm arguing.
Okay. You're arguing with yourself.
Love this. But he's probably the best ball handler in the world.
Magical, some say. Kyrie Irving.
Whoa. Yeah.
I don't hate that end of the day if you're gonna if you want to win a game he can help you do that turns out

more than joel he was hurt at the end of last season he got uh he just got surgery okay well

he is kairi this is there's a lot of big names left seven yanis antetokounmpo okay job uh yeah

a great greek freak uh he's you know a couple couple rough seasons and the bucks are rough

I'm going to go all right. And if they have him, they'll manage.
Okay. Six, obviously, the man who still does it, Stephen Curry.
Okay. I think he just performed pretty well against Serbia.
I think he was 18 in a couple minutes. Rivalry game, yeah.
Great kid. Got to keep doing big things.
Hold on. Let me interrupt you for a second.
Is that your accent, is that a Michigan accent? Nervous Michigan, that is. Okay.
Steph Curry's like... 34.
Yeah, he's like 10 years older than you, right? Yeah, he's a young guy. Great kid.
Great kid. Not even 40.

He's got a whole life in front of him.

Number five, the man himself, SGA.

Okay.

Shane Gildress.

At the end of the day, he does great things.

And his ceiling is, he's blown my expectations out of the water.

Yeah.

Okay.

Number four, maybe a pretty controversial pick, Victor Wenbenyama. Oh, yeah.
I like this. Let's get him out there.
Oh. By the time this man can rent a vehicle, he will be the best player in the world.
Wow. Was that 25? Yeah, 25.
That's 25. We got like four years? Yeah.
I mean, to me, the sky is nothing but a limit. When you put it that way, it seems like he's about to be the best player in the world.
Yeah. Because you would assume he'd be able to rent a vehicle.
No, he can't. Can't now.
But he will be. Three more years.
Probably. How old is he? I think he's like 21? 20? How old are you, Matthew? 25.
Okay, so you can rent a vehicle. He's 20 years old.
Five more years. All right.
Number three on this list. The only woman I want to make clear.
Let's make it clear now. Asia Wilson.
Oh, good call. She averages 12 rebounds, two steals, three blocks.
Four more points per game than second place in the league. Her EFF, which is her overall efficiency, is nine more than the second place girl.
Wow. And that's points, rebounds, assists, steals, blocks together, minus field goals and missed free throws per game.
In turnovers. I think her being the best woman in the world compared to the second best woman in the world, the gap is as long, as as strong, as as big as Patrick Mahomes to the second best quarterback in football during the playoffs.
Specifically the playoffs. Okay.
You're confident with her.'re you know she is skillful she's athletic she's insanely talented yeah she can do it all you're not worried about what she can't do you're worried about what she can do all right against them and she's gonna be okay yep okay who's the second best quarterback in the nfl in the oh oh during On playoff time, I would take Joe Burrow. Okay.
All right. At the end of the day, you know.
Good answer. He hasn't been, you know.
Yeah. He's been injured.
He's come back. Number two, a teammate of a man we named earlier, Luka Doncic.
Okay. You know, just what he does, his overall stat line, just impressive as can be.
A little bit of a beer belly, but hey, I'm no one to talk. Same age.
Same age. Number one.
Good kid. Number one.
Great kid. Number one, the best player in the world, Nikola Jokic.
Yep. I like your list.
This is a solid top 10. At the end of the day, he's one.
And that's the difference between difference between him and luca yeah world champion and you can argue asia should be two because she has a title yeah so maybe do you want to make that change sure okay all right i like that i can't find any holes any gaps at all in that top i want to be realistic at the end of the day yeah you have to have to be honest. There isn't going to be another two or three girls on this list.
Yeah. You know, Caitlin Clark fans can shut the hell up.
Oh. With that being said, 19 assists, that was incredible.
Incredible. Incredible.
I haven't seen something like that since Kirk Heinrich in NBA 2K06. Oh.
But yeah, that was my list. That's good.
I give, I would rank your list very highly. That's one of the top 10 lists I've heard this year.
Yeah. Hopefully it's the best.
Okay. All right.
Anything else before we talk some other stuff? Hank, do you have any comment on that? No, I think the only one that I would take umbrage with would be SGA. Yeah? You're an umbrage taker.
Who do you think should be on it? I think there's a guy who's the same age. Jason Tatum is not in the top ten.
More NBA first games. Jalen Brown is not in the top ten.
Yeah, well, I heard your list. I know that.
I said if I were to take Umbridge, I'd be with that. Yeah.
More points per game, more rebounds per game. Way more playoff wins.
No Anthony Edwards either. But that's fine.
Yeah. All right.
So, then you you also said that you were working on mount rushmore ideas why don't you give us two okay and then we'll we'll keep moving you by the way matthew said he he was working on mount rushmore ideas he came up with some he found some he found some and split them i don't know what that means. Okay.
But he found some and he split them.

So one I got families to live with.

The Mount Rushmore families to live with.

Like you could do sitcom families like the Griffins.

Or like the Hutchinson family.

Yeah.

And you just want to wake up next to good looking people.

Oh.

Yeah.

So families to live with or be from.

I don't hate that one.

Yeah.

That felt like that.

Okay.

So Hutchinson was right there with. It's a good family.
Yeah. Okay.
It's a very good family. Yeah, yeah, no, very good family.
This is a good one. Missed shots.
Oh. Rushmore missed shots.
Yeah, that's kind of wide open. Yeah, a lot of missed shots lately, I'd say.
Oh, okay. Yeah.
Missed shots being up there. I also got fat guy sayings.
Oh, okay. I like that.
Every draft is stacked for Max and Big. I'll have another.
Yeah. Are you going to eat that? Yeah.
I could eat. Yeah.
Yeah. I'm not full.
What's for dinner tonight? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that.
Can we have seconds? I hate pizza. I hate ice cream.
That's what Max has been saying all week. Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Hank, how could you call us fat again?

Another fat guy.

Or the one today.

Jerry walked in and was like, oh, we got the big guys in here.

Max goes, what is that supposed to mean?

Damn, Max.

But it wasn't.

Guys, it's okay.

Yeah.

I was calling you my big boy on Tuesday night.

Yeah, that was good.

Yeah, I said, that's my big boy.

I thought the jersey was too small.

Yeah, yeah. Okay, Matthew,

we're excited to have you.

You'll be helping out as much as you can. Internship for the rest of the summer.

I was having one conversation with him

yesterday that I told him to save for the show

and that I need to hear your coach

Doug's critiques. He started breaking

it down. Breaking it down.
He has a notebook.

So I took notes on every game. Okay.
Just general philosophy stuff. Yeah, so it's actually just really impressive what you've managed to do.
Feels like... Because somehow you performed worse on the second night.
What? Even though you had more wins. Huh? Which is actually impressive.
No, this This is good Went ugly You threw I want to make this very clear Eight pick sixes last night I played more games You threw 16 interceptions Yeah, I played more games I played five games the first night I played what, like eight games the second night? You still threw 11 interceptions on the first night. Yeah.
Three of them picked sixes. Yeah.
Four touchdowns. Yeah.
And I think these are all passing numbers, but I think there was only three touchdowns, and I'll give you an extra one because I felt bad. Okay.
I mean, it was just honestly awful. Yeah.
But I won. The Cal game, the first game, you threw five inter interceptions yeah i mean that's that's a horrible way to start a season yeah that was the first game of that i played in the game yeah these are long quarters right yeah these are yeah 10 15 minute quarters he should be running the ball more okay i mean that was the one thing i kept noticing is positive yards happen more times than not when the ball is in the ball carrier's hand.
Yeah. But then you throw the ball and shit doesn't go well.
Yeah. No, you're right.
And you were, the craziest part is on the second night you were staying in the pocket more, but yet you were more inconsistent with your throw. So somehow you learned from your mistakes, but you didn't.
Just so we're clear, I'm the offensive coordinator. I'm not playing the game.
game right like the players played the game but the play call hasn't been great either okay okay okay you know we're gonna get into it okay but i did win i turned the season around won a bowl game which you have yet to congratulate me on congratulations thank you on the best season wazoo is gonna have under you coach ducks. I mean, the roster coming into next season.
Are you poopy stinks? I'm realistic. Okay.
And I wanted to root for you. Okay.
But when you're missing reads, I mean, you could have beat Oregon. Yeah.
Game one, or that's, what is it, the second or third week? Yeah, you're talking about the first night, though.. It was just, it was, it added to the badness on night too.
Okay. If you won that game, we, you know, sky's the limit.
Yeah. You could have got a three-star recruit.
Yeah. Okay.
I'll take that criticism. It was rough.
Yeah. All right.
That's fair. Listen, I'm a big boy.
I'll be in the booth next season and I'm excited. Okay.
I'm rude. I would love to see your notes after a game.
I would love to get you notes. The feedback helps.
Yeah. No, I think you need to listen to your thoughts more.
I feel like you're just doing things. Yeah.
No, that's true. You just got to calm down, breathe, and take it one day at a time.
One play at a time. Yeah, that's facts.
That's facts. Okay, so Matthew, I like that.
I like that. Come in in at thugs i like that so you you're gonna be there you'll you'll watch the games the streams you're gonna be with us for the rest of the summer uh we'll see how it goes we're excited to have you and uh what else anything else for matthew no i'm excited i'm excited i think we're gonna have him be the world's first college football bracketologist yeah pre-.
So maybe next week. Yeah.
Next week. Next week.
Do your bracketology for the top 10. Yeah.
Top 12. And between now and the end of the show, think of a fire fest.
Okay. All right.
All right. You got this.
I like Matthew. That's Matthew, our intern.
Mr. Hole.
Yes. There's got to be some people who applied and they're like, the guy fucking fucking deleted 200 podcasts, and that's how he got the show.
I mean, I like that. We've got a guy whose only job is to press the button to publish the show.
Yeah. Now we have a guy whose only job is to press the button to delete the show forever.
Yeah. Yeah.
There are also the video with all of the interns that applied will be coming out shortly. Yeah, and you'll see Matthew did sweep us away.
He was quite something. He had his suit on, and he looked, I think I called him John Candy, New Age John Candy.
Yeah, like from plane trains and automobiles. Yeah, if you're watching right now, he's got a John Candy look that makes him very lovable.
So we're big Matthew guys. Okay, sports world.
Caleb Williams officially signed as a bear. Was there a doubt that he was going to sign? Oh, that's funny, PFT, that you asked that.
If you listen to the lamestream media, there was a doubt. The Florios, the Cowards, the RG3s of the world.
Wait, are you talking about pre-draft? I'm talking about the entire process of there was pre-draft. There was in between draft and signing that people were like oh he's he's trying to get the bears to uh agree to no franchise tag he's trying to get the bears to agree to no fifth year right now wanted equity all these rumors were such bullshit because Caleb Williams doesn't have an agent so you have agents basically saying hey Caleb Williams if you had an agent all this stuff wouldn't be happening you should have hired me but Mike Florio Colin Coward RG3 the countless anonymous trolls all who said that there was zero percent chance that Caleb Williams was going to sign with the Bears that he was going to force a trade that he was going to demand ownership Florio said he was going to play another season at USC.
You all look like morons. Cale Williams is officially signed as a bear.
We now have a window. And I would like an apology.
I would hope Florio would be a big enough man to apologize. I don't expect it.
Coward the same. Remember Coward said his father said he's no chance he's going to go to Chicago.
All these people spent all this time and no one's taking him to task. So you've been taking a task, and he's officially a Bear, and I'm excited.
I think that there was a lot of talk through the season about certain teams he didn't want to go to, and then for like a month leading up to the draft, then that ESPN article came out that was like, Caleb is down to play in Chicago. Because it was was no, I haven't heard any other doubters after the draft, post-draft.
There were people who were saying he was trying to get the fifth year taken away and to get the franchise tag taken away. Like there are people, and they'll move the goalposts.
I had people yesterday telling me that Caleb Williams won't sign a second contract. That's a, let's have that discussion right now.
It's just crazy. I don't listen to the Flores of the world.

I listen to the boogers of the world.

An RG three on Booger McFarlane.

He said today on get up.

Don't be surprised when Jaden Daniels is the guy that they're talking about next year as

being like a CJ Stroud and Caleb Williams is the one being talked about like he's a

Bryce Young.

So I'm I go with Booger Booger played in the league. Okay.
That's my guy. Okay.
He knows ball. Windows open.
Windows open. All right.
What else do you guys want to talk about? That was a dud. No, I honestly just.
Of course. I didn't hear it.
Bronny hit a three. He did? Finally? Bronny hit two threes.
He had a good game. 12 points.
And there's talk that they might shut him down after he had one good game.

Just leave him with a good taste in his mouth from Summer League.

So I don't know if that's going to happen.

But that was the big story.

A lot of other people are pointing out that Alexander Sarr went 0 for 15 from the field,

0 for 7 from three points against the Blazers.

You know what?

You learn more from a miss than you do from a make.

Yeah.

So I feel like Alexander Sarr has nothing but room for growth.

Wait, so Bronny hit 1-3.

Oh, I thought he hit two.

I thought it's... you know what? You learn more from a miss than you do from a make.
Yeah. So I feel like Alexander Sarr has nothing but room for growth.

Wait, so Bronny hit one three.

Oh, I thought he hit two.

Oh, he hit two?

I thought he went two for five.

And one of them was clutch.

He's on fire.

What do you mean it was clutch?

It was like the fourth quarter to take the lead. The agency?

No.

Oh.

I think they're all clutch.

Yeah.

Yeah, he is all clutch.

We also had the list, the top 100 athletes. We called it serena williams was number one was she yep fucking nailed that we forgot about michael phelps oh no it's michael phelps sorry michael phelps number one we forgot about phelps serena was number two okay and then number three i was messy okay messy that which i i like that that makes sense and then after that, Tom Brady? It was two, Serena.

Three, Messi.

Four, LeBron.

Five, Tom Brady.

Six, Federer.

Seven, Simone Biles.

Okay.

We didn't have that on our radar.

Eight, Tiger Woods.

Nine, Usain Bolt.

Ten, Kobe Bryant.

Interesting.

Yeah.

And then Novak and then Nadal and Ronaldo.

Oh, so interesting.

Messi's way higher than Ronaldo. Way higher.
Where was Djokovic? Djokovic was 10. Did they have any horses on the list? I don't think they had any horses on the list.
Null and void. I do not think they had any horses on the list.
Steph was 14. Katie Ledecky, 15.
Yeah, they did a good job of switching up on us because we thought it was going to be Serena, and then they went with the Phelps. We forgot about Phelps.
We also had Sam Pittman, Arkansas coach. He went in front of the media today, and he gave the best quote of the offseason besides Mike Gundy saying that he's driven drunk thousands of times.
Sam Pittman said, our focus this year is to embrace the hog at Arkansas, which I love. That's a great slogan that you can put out there okay it's easy to chant that's what bill clinton's motto was for the state when he was governor there and i feel like uh arkansas might be back i think they're also back because they get to renew the rivalry against texas yeah which is bigger than a lot of people think like arkansas and texas hate each other yeah and so we didn't get to see too much of that in the last couple years but i don't know i like i like sam pitman i'm wishing the best for the hogs embrace the hog yeah it's uh and he's also got those big old breasts big breasts yeah and the jowls yeah i yeah we're sam pitman guys i would like arkansas to be good oh also russell westbrook he's in the news today yeah what happened with him so he was traded to the Utah Jazz again, and they're going to buy out his contract again.

He's got the best career ever.

So this is two years in a row where he will be on the Utah Jazz.

I don't think they ever even thought about making a jersey for him.

They should really do a retirement video for him.

Yeah, welcome back.

Yeah, welcome home video.

He went to the Nuggets today.

Yeah, so he went to the Jazz.

They bought the contract out.

Oh, I don't like him. And then he goes to the Nuggets.
I don't like that fit on the Nuggets either. Yeah.
I don't like that on the Nuggets. Huh.
Okay. And then we had the Open Championship.
Victor Hovland sucks. Yeah.
Tough course. That was a bad decision by us with the whole death thing.
And we're like, oh, maybe this will be. And then he was eating ice cream.
That sucked. Yeah.
This is tough course is tough course we saw a couple people i think morikawa did it where he hit a bunker shot and it just went around the bunker and came back in the bunker i saw that a couple times those are fun bryson's basically out ludwig's basically out yeah tiger's definitely out he had that one birdie though which was sick yeah and then brooks had likehole span where it looked like. Brooks is alive.
Brooks is alive. Brooks is dialed right now.
And Bryson also had a moment where he corrected a reporter's English, but Bryson was wrong. I don't know if you guys saw.
No, I didn't see that. He said incalculable.
Yeah. The reporter, I believe.
Hold on. Let me get the clip.
I think the reporter said incalculable, and he said it's actually incalculatable or whatever. incalculable yeah uh the reporter i believe hold on let me get the clip uh i think the reporter said incalculable and he said it's actually incalculable or whatever incalculatable yeah hold on ready there's not that many there's a couple yeah there's a couple but not many many things that are maybe incalculable incalculatable uncalculatable might be a word i don't know but yeah incalculable is the word incalculatable i i love the idea though uh bryson just correcting people and being wrong though that's good i think i like that good for yeah did you see the the plants the bors is that what it's called yeah that's what shane that shane was telling us about have you seen the pictures of it yeah it's fucking gnarly yeah it is crazy it doesn't I know that like links golf is supposed to be the best golf and everyone wants to go to you know the UK to play it but I just never seems fun no when I watch it I'm like this the wind is always blowing it's overcast there's huge bunkers it just doesn't seem fun yeah and the courses look like they were just like bombed out in world war ii yeah never repaired them yeah um it it looks like uh the worst event to go to as a fan as a spectator yeah just sitting out in the rain and the wind the whole time yeah but you guys love the course i do but i'm just saying it for like courses the course is fighting correct no these are good things for the course yeah i'm talking about like the experience of being out there in person i the course like when i watch the masters i'm like man i wish to go play augusta that looks incredible when i watch the british open i'm like i don't know if i'd want to play that and i obviously i'm not a big golfer so i get it it's incredible for golfers but like it looks miserable in the fact that if i ever got in that bunker, I'd never get out.
Ever. In a million years.

It's cheap over there. Golf is

cheap over there, which seems appealing.

But you have to fly over there.

Yeah, but if you're right, that's true.

How cheap is it?

50 bucks? 100 bucks? But the flight?

I'm saying, though,

like that... In the hotel? Hank's thinking

about moving. No, no, I'm not saying...

I just think that's a nice thing. Golf is for the people.
It's for the people. Should we take a trip? I'd be down at group week.
Yeah. We're throwing that out there.
Yeah. Do you think you can golf right now? I can't.
No. Oh, no.
He can't eat ice cream. It's on Firefest.
Yeah, it's bad. Oh, no, Hank.
Sacrifice. You do sacrifice for us constantly.

The team needed me, and I didn't want to back out.

Yeah.

What?

I agree with you.

You were awesome on home run derbies.

You didn't want to back out.

No, I didn't.

I wanted to, but I knew I couldn't.

Hank was very good.

Stand-up guy.

Yeah. No, he was fucking awesome.
He had a great swing. Okay.
Anything else? Brandon Ayuk demanded a trade. Again? No.
He formally requested it with the team. Instead of passive-aggressively.
Instead of just posting practice videos of Washington Commanders. Yeah, I wish I could play with this guy.
Yeah, but he apparently requested it with the team.

But the Niners have a history of not honoring trade requests

because you don't really have to.

Yeah, no, you don't have to do anything.

You don't have to do anything.

Brandon Auk's really good.

In the NFL, that's what the contracts basically say.

It's like your only leverage that you have is to just be annoying.

So he wants to trade.

Wait, is something going on with Devontae Adams too, memes?

A lot of people shot it down, but there's speculation.

So, but there's speculation. But you're thinking maybe.
I'm thinking if the Raiders start off bad, then trade rumors are going to ramp all the way up. Nice.
Nice. Yeah.
Nice. Yeah.
On the new Netflix show, The Receiver, he was just pissed at Jimmy G. I saw that.
He's like, he's going to get me killed. Yeah.
Never want to see that. We should watch that show.
I thought it's good. Yeah.
Never want to get me killed is not what you want your wide receiver saying. They got to make a show just the fullback.
Like how we had the quarterback one, then wide receivers one. Give me a fullback show.
It's just a 10-minute episode. All fullbacks.
Yeah. 10-minute minute episode but just like dudes lighting people up sideline shot sideline shot sideline shot yeah line package sideline shot then like the bye week and they're on like their family farm using a tractor yeah that's what i want show me fullbacks jose fullbacks all right should we uh do our mount rushmore something that is probably the most ambitious thing we've ever done is this podcast.

We're going to try to do a Mount Rushmore for the third time for real this time, though.

Hank?

Water?

Oh, we did do water.

Yeah.

Water was a good one.

It was a good one, yeah.

Water was a good one.

You remember what went 1-1 overall?

I think it was from the hose?

Maybe the ocean? The ocean probably went 1-1. My dad did that one.
It was bad. Bad performance.
Okay. The second time we did it.
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So good. They gave us the old plastic cups, the hard plastic cups.
Ah, delicious. So every meal is better with a Pepsi, especially pizza.
And we are going to do the Mount Rushmore pizza toppings for real this time. Hank, do you, are you going to participate i think i'm gonna i'm gonna i'm gonna leave it up up to my guy hole no no no no no i have a question for him i have a question for him if you got if you got lied to and burned there we go i would like to after this question I would like to, after this question,

I would also like to ask a question.

No.

What do you mean no?

I can't ask a question?

He can answer, not before he answers my question.

All right, answer his question,

then I'm going to ask you a question.

But I object to Hank's question.

Objection, because he did not get burned.

If anything, we were...

That's what I was going to ask.

We were gassing him up.

Yeah, save it, save it, save it,

because I'm going to ask him a different question after.

All right, you do something with honor and integrity.

You believe everyone's playing by the same rules,

and then you find out that people bent the rules.

They went behind your back.

They lied to your face.

He's a Michigan fan.

Would you give them the time of the day and do another version of that?

Or would you stand for something?

You should give them another chance. Oh, I love that answer i did last summer i love no no he didn't no he didn't no you didn't uh let me let me no he took spinach one one let me ask you a different question uh matthew uh would you say uh if you're if you have a friend and they are going through some tough times down in the dumps they're losing Mount Rushmore they're just not happy like life is but that's the thing I'm losing Mount Rushmore's right now so how am I supposed to believe you hold on Mount I don't believe I already everything is going poorly his life I actually I've lost the last five Mount Rushmore's that's not true I lost I lost Monday's Mount Rushmore His life is not great, and then your friends come and pick you up and try to make you feel good for a moment.
Do it as a bit to make you feel worse. They make you feel worse.
That was the worst thing that happened to me that whole summer. Four years ago, Hank was getting crushed, and life wasn't good for him at the time, and we might have thrown a Mount Rushmore pizza toppings when he found out he was so mad.
So, so mad. And then last year we tried to do it again for real and he took spinach 1-1.
So we're going to try to do it for real this time. Let's put it together.
Let's do it. I'm going to go for real.
Me too. Max? Hex acted like a little kid at camp who got bullied once.
He's like, this is the worst thing that's going to happen to my whole summer. Can I come home? I understand your PTSD.
Oh, I said that was the worst thing that happened to me that summer. It was a joke.
Yeah, I got it. Yeah.
I did too. Well, you just said whatever.
All right. I know you have PTSD from this.
Hank doesn't think you actually got it. You said this is going to be the worst thing that happened to me this summer.
I kind of agree. I did not.
All right. Okay, whatever.
Let's do it. Hey, who's up first? Hank is.
Hank. Pepperoni.
Come on, Hank. Good pick.
Good pick. Don't be a bummer.
Don't be a bummer. Come on.
I literally will not do this in good faith. You just set it up.
Your friend's been losing Mount Rushmore's. Have I been losing Mount Rushmore's? Yes.
So how... I'm going to go through with good faith.
I'm not going to... I can't...
But our picks are going to show that we're trying. But Hank, you're not losing Mount Rushmore's season by that much.
No, you're not. You're getting smoked early.
I'm only four points ahead of you, and I lost on Monday's show. It's early.
There's always a comeback. All right, who's up second?

I think it goes more.

That'd be Max.

I'm second?

Yes.

Oh, fuck yeah.

Sausage.

Easy.

Good pick.

Good pick.

All right.

I'm going to go double olives.

Just kidding. No, it's BFT, right?

It was a joke.

Wait, didn't I go last last time?

No.

No, you went first last time.

It's a circle. I'm sorry, Hank.
Wow, I'm sorry. I apologize.
I apologize. All right, I'm going to go with bacon.
Then I'm going to go- Wait, what? We're all fucked up here. Yeah, yeah, bacon.
Bacon. Bacon.
Bacon. Bacon.

Okay.

Hank has collapsed.

Hank definitely thinks something's up.

Hank has collapsed.

So what's been taken?

Pepperoni, sausage, and bacon.

I want to take double halves.

I'm not going to.

I'm joking, Hank.

That was a joke, Hank.

That was a joke.

Hank's having a great time. That was a joke.
Hank, can you at least pretend to be excited about Mount Rushmore season? Mm-hmm. I got a question.
Does sausage include all sausage or just like classic sausage? I think sausage is sausage. Sausage is sausage.
Is chorizo sausage? I think chorizo can be a chorizo can be different okay so i'll go uh barbecue chicken and then chorizo are my two picks okay uh my second pick is going to be extra cheese i don't like extra cheese oh i love i'll take buffalo chicken okay nice pick hank this is a good draft hank how how do you think we're throwing this. There's no pick.
Hank, this is a good draft, Hank.

How do you think we're throwing this?

There's no throwing.

We're doing this.

I will do peppers and onion.

We'll give you both.

No, we'll give them both.

No, he has to take one of the two.

Okay, fine.

We're not pandering. Either peppers or onion onion you have to take one or the other all right are the peppers and onion oh oh yeah yeah yeah okay that's good two picks that's a good pick okay uh max there's it feels like there's a gun at everyone's head right now.
We're in a Mexican standoff, but we're actually doing this for real. Yeah, no.
Hank, are you all right? No, it's not. I don't think he's all right.
All right, Max. I mean, we all know that Mount Rushmore died four years ago.
People love Mount Rushmore's season. Okay.
Some people hate it, but I absolutely love it. I'm going to go mushrooms.
Ooh, I like them. Yeah, not bad.
I'm going to go meatball. Okay.
That was my other pick. Yeah, meatball, baby.
Pick it. We're not allowed to think about two picks? I mean, I would have picked all these.
I'm saying I was thinking between meatball and mushroom. Got it.
Yeah. You love meatball.
I always pick meatball. That was the other reason.
It was on your sub, too, right? Yeah. No, it was also on my meat.
It was on my sub. I should have done meatball.
Fuck me. Mount Rushmore's salads.
Meatball. Yeah.
Great salad.

Meatball salad is an excellent salad.

Is that a real thing?

Oh, yeah.

It's an Italian thing.

Meatball salad.

Meatball salad.

That's the fattest thing you've ever said.

It's a thing.

I can't tell you what things are.

Okay.

Can I put forth a motion to have Hank smile?

He won't.

Just smile, Hank.

He won't.

You'll feel better.

Is a white pie a topping or no?

I don't know. Can I put forth a motion to have Hank smile? He won't.
Just smile, Hank. He won't.
You'll feel better.

Is a white pie a topping or no?

I don't even know what would be the topping.

Is it a different sauce?

We'll give you a regret.

Yeah, that was weird how you said that.

That was very horny.

Say it again?

No, not saying it again.

Okay.

I do love a white pie.

Love a white pie love a white pie uh fuck it i love it i don't care pineapple i love pineapple on pizza yeah i fucking love pineapple on pizza i love pineapple with with uh barbecue chicken on a pizza yeah i like pineapple on pizza too yeah there'll be haters pineapple and bacon pineapple bacon's great as well because that's my favorite pizza yeah like i i don't know why what what happened at what point was it like did it become a thing where people like pineapple doesn't belong on pizza i personally don't don't like pineapple on pizza but i don't mind people that do yeah but it's just like it's one of those things someone on it It's kind of like mayo when mayo just got a bad rap for no reason.

You order.

You got to if you're doing like a big order, get one of them.

That's got the pineapple on there.

Yeah, of course.

And then I'll go.

I'll go with a prosciutto.

OK.

Last pick.

I'm going to go in a nod to the margarita pizza.

Basil.

Good pick.

Fresh basil.

Get a little fresh basil on there. Fresh basil, mozzarella, tomato.
That's really all you need. Yep.
That's a good pick. I'm going to go with a Soprissat.
I think I like it better than a pepperoni, and it's kind of similar. Oh, yeah.
Soprissat. I don't think I've ever had Soprissat pizza.
Oh, it's good. It's really good.
Oh, I forgot one. Fuck.
I have another one. I forgot one.
Oh, I'm so mad at myself. I'm so mad at myself.
Can I ask Cole for a recommendation? Yeah, his name's Matthew. I don't know if Cole sounds so weird, but I understand we do nicknames.
Should I go meat or cheese? Meat. Taco meat.
You asked him if you should go meat or cheese? Yeah. Come on.
He's going to say meat. Taco meat.
It's not bad. I've got a taco pizza before.
That's a good pick. That's a good pick.
I totally forgot. Oh, burrata's a good one.
Burrata would have been much better than taco meat. Burrata's a great onethew oh matthew piece of shit you ruined it would you guys have accepted hot honey yep i was thinking the same thing okay that was the one i forgot yeah it's because when you said so percent i was like hot honey so damn it this is that that's the exact thing that was going through my head i was like uh that could be like a drizzle i don't know if that's necessarily a topping I'll just go with so persat I'm mad at my hot honey was what I was thinking as well I'm mad at myself all right what what what got left off I I like and this is more you do it with the pursuit but uh an egg on the pizza is pretty good you guys ever get that never had in the middle never had oh it's great no you don't like it Matt Matthew no that was I'll get you guys one I'll I I order from a place that it's pursuit and there's an egg in the middle? Never had.
Oh, it's great. No, you don't like it, Matthew? No? I'll get you guys one.
I order from a place that it's prosciutto, and there's an egg in the middle, and it's fucking delicious. I actually like the pizzas with the prosciutto and the arugula on top as well, so arugula is another one I like.
Jalapeno. Could have put that on there.
Jalapeno on a pizza is pretty good, too. Yeah.
I hadn't had it until I'd been out here, but sausage, like, Jardinere is really good. Yeah.
I've never had Jardinere.

Yeah.

It's regional, but it's good.

It's really good.

If I get, like, a tavern-style pizza, get one with Jardinere.

Probably the fattest thing you can do, but I fucking love it. It's the pizza place in Madison, Ian's, which actually they have one.

Demos is the name of it.

It's in Chicago as well.

Macaroni.

Yep.

I had that in college.

Yeah.

They have that at, what's the name of the pizza buffet place?

Pizza Hut?

Little Caesars.

Ceces.

Oh, no. name of it it's in chicago as well macaroni yep we died they have that at um what's the name of the pizza buffet place pizza cc's cc's pizza buffet there you go matthew nice nice job whole uh tomatoes on the pie sometimes pretty good yes it can be overkill yeah yeah tomatoes like a margarita yeah margarita pizza yeah margarita pizza is good salami Trust tree? I used to work at a place that had like, it wasn't great pizza, but it was an Italian place with like the oven style, thin, and they had a really good like salami and like hot honey pizza.
Yeah. Are we the trust tree? But I haven't ordered it.
Like it's not something I would order. I want pizza real bad right now.
Tell you guys something being totally honest. Yeah.
I don't mind anchovies. I don't like them.
I don't mind it at all. I almost never get a pizza with anchovies on it, but when there's a little bit of anchovies as a treat, they just taste salty.
They don't taste fishy at all. It's just so hard to do that because you need buy-in from three people.
Yeah. If I'm by myself once every couple years, just as a get half of it with anchovies on yeah i had a chicken caesar slice and my college pizza place that was good it was yeah it was just like chicken caesar salad on a pizza but it was nice one of the biggest pet peeves i have is when you order pizza for a large group and someone's like get a get a cheese or or whatever cheese or like maybe get like a mushroom or something and they only have one slice that and they eat all the other ones i'll make people if they ask for something like if they ask for anchovies i'd be like you have to eat four slices you better put in work like you have to you can't you can't have one anchovy and then go to the pepperoni that we're all eating you guys ever eat a full pie by yourself colony grill.
I don't know if that's full pie. It is the full pizza, but it's thinner.
But yeah. Yeah, I've had it.
What is your favorite? If you're going and you can get any toppings you want, what is your customizable pizza order right now? Bacon, pineapple. I'm doing pepperoni, jardiniere, and then I've got hot honey at home that i put on it i go one pepperoni pie one barbecue chicken with like sauteed onions pie one cheese pie is all for me no that's it i go pepperoni and then a barbecue chicken with sauteed onion i do sausage onions and mushrooms that's my that's my favorite solid order that's i love mushrooms on pizza but i know people aren't gonna and there's some people that just hate mushrooms no i i think mushrooms belong on pizza yeah it's all about the saute too like it's not they're not eating like you know dry mushrooms yeah when i was in college i was a pizza delivery guy for i think a full year full calendar year i worked at a place called anthony's italian touch which is a very creepy name for a pizza that is weird and what made it weirder was the guy that ran the place was not anthony his name was nick but he just called it anthony's italian touch because it sounded more italian but i had this one customer that would order uh extra mushrooms like double mushrooms that was all that that he would get.
And that shit would stink up. Double mushrooms.
Double mushrooms, like extra, extra mushrooms. Double mushrooms.
My car would smell so bad. What do you guys think about a little pesto? Pesto on the pizza, that's nice.
Yes, it's not bad. A little change of pace.
Not bad. That's another one where I won't order it if I'm not eating.
You have to eat a lot of slices. You can't be like, I want the pesto pizza.
Memes keep saying vodka pizza, but I don't think that's a topping. I feel like that's just a sauce.
I thought about doing stuffed crust, but I don't think that's a topping. No.
It's a style of pizza. No.
Yeah, that's style. Matthew, did we miss any? No, I think you covered it.
Okay. I mean, unless you want to start talking barbecue sauce sauce and ranch and- Well, yeah, barbecue chicken.
Yeah, but like the sauce is specific. Just the sauces, yeah.
I do like a little- Yeah, like if you can't get a little barbecue sauce, a little Frank's Red Hot. Frank's Red Hot's pretty good.
Frank's Red Hot goes on everything. If it's like shitty pizza, I like like a ranch or like a hot sauce.
But if it's good pizza, I just like want like the pizza by itself. By the way, Hank still thinks we're fucking with him.
He's just not participating. I think what happened is this took Hank back to a dark place.
Yeah, no, there's PTSD. It's like trauma involved, and he hurt his fucking pizza.
Yeah, the death of this segment. We've had so many good moments.
We had Max saying the titty fucking. There's been some incredible moments.
Mr. Positions.
Yeah. Yeah.
Billy and Jake doing AI Taco Bell orders. There's been some great Mount Rushmore moments.
I don't know. The integrity of the death of lost.
Look at that. We haven't broken the integrity since we broke it one time and you still have trust issues.
Why wouldn't I?

Of course I do.

Because we've done three seasons straight up since then.

I've watched that video so many times, by the way,

of us doing the original Mount Rushmore pizza draft,

and then Hank being totally surprised whenever he got his next pick on the board.

Yeah, he was so mad at us.

Yeah.

So, so mad.

We're back.

This was a good draft. Come on yeah good times it's a good draft Hank you won an NBA championship like three weeks ago your favorite athlete of all time sucked your dick at his retirement ceremony you can't get down in the dumps because of a segment I'm not down in the dumps he's got his got his guard up.
Yeah. He's got his guard up.
As I should. But you are down in the dumps.
But we just pulled this off. Now we can put it to bed.
Now we can lay it to rest. Pizza toppings are done.
What? I feel like that's what you're setting me up. You're trying to set me up.
I know you are. This whole time you've been flinching.
Trying to get me to get my guard down, and then you come back over the top. I'm surprised because I'm getting smoked in the standing.

So, yeah.

What are the standings?

It's not that bad.

Yeah.

There's remember last year you guys.

Didn't you guys make a comeback?

Yeah.

The end.

Yeah.

Hey, Billy and Jake did.

Oh, it was Billy.

It'd be a real shame if people voted for this Mount Rushmore based on attitude during the

Mount Rushmore.

No, we had a good lead and then I went on vacation.

Oh, yeah. That's right.
so you just suck at mount rushmore hank that's all it is yeah i feel like you always have like two good picks i tried to blame the team i had the team angle for a while yeah that's kind of there's nobody left to. It's all right.
It's a long season. It is a long season.
Yeah. We got a lot of Mount Rushmore left.
Okay. Let's get to our interviews.
We got two great interviews. We have Mike Vrabel.
Wait, did we lose last year, Max? Yeah, you lost. You had to go over? Yeah, we did the 24-hour stream.
Oh, damn. Yeah.
Yeah. It was bad.
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Okay, here he is. Mike Vrabel.
Okay, we now welcome on a very, very, very, very special guest. One more, Barry.
Very, very. One of our dear friends uh it is a chill week interview presented by Coors Light and Chevy Silverado one of our dear friends uh recently retired NFL head coach Mike Vrabel you can't fire me I quit uh I I was gonna say the recently retired but then I realized you have a job you're a great job I askedvin stefanski the coach of the cleveland browns what is vrabes doing for you and he said he's uh scout team middle linebacker so that's what you're doing for the browns partly yeah any anything they need help with and anything i can do to learn it's it's been awesome you were actually putting on the pads right you were you were uh doing like kickoff return uh yeah just helping you know i mean bubba ventrone's a special teams coordinator bubba was a rookie when i was with the patriots and so we would take bubba and his girlfriend his wife at the time now uh now his girlfriend katie you know we take the rookies to dinner or whatever and so bubba now is a special teams coordinator so it was an easy transition to help on special teams.
I've played a lot of those positions. I've coached them and helped Kevin and Andrew and the Browns and the Haslam family however I can.
Wait, you just said whatever I can do to learn? Yeah. I mean, that's actually a pretty crazy – it's cool and also crazy thing to say.
You're a very good NFL head coach that is in a transition period where you're going to be an NFL head coach again. And you're like, I'm back to learning.
Well, I think like anything else, you guys look at podcast. There's a million podcasts.
Well, there's a lot of ways to coach football. There's 31 other teams, head coaches.
There's coordinators. There's guys that have been other places.
places Andrew Barry his personnel staff how they go through draft prep how they you know integrate analytics and how they communicate with the coaches and all that stuff that I'm trying to learn and be a part of and you know it kind of worked out for for them and for me especially and so that's what I've tried to do that's super mature way to look at it I when you relate to podcasting it's like we should send hank off to another podcast to learn yeah we should learn we should send him to politicking when we were at ohio state urban meyer was like whatever alabama's doing if they have 50 people in recruiting we need 51 right and if they have this then we need to have one more like that's how he looked at it and so you're always trying to figure out what everybody else is doing that's successful and try to figure something out. So yeah, you're a consultant for the Browns, right? Is that your official title? Yes.
That's an awesome title. Coaching and personnel consultant.
It seems like you do like whatever is needed. Are you coming up with like your own initiatives? You have to be like a self-starter.
I think there's a lot of leeway there. I the the first uh the first thing I want to do is help Kevin wherever I can I've got a lot of respect for him I think he's done an unbelievable job um is help and support him wherever if he has questions or he wants to bounce something off of me and then uh I thought it was a great idea he's like we have a pretty new offensive staff you of guys that have, you know, transitioned on to other places.
And now we've hired some really good coaches that are new to Cleveland.

Why don't you hang out on the offensive side and give a defensive perspective?

Tommy Reese, former quarterback at Notre Dame, Alabama coordinator,

and he's coaching tight ends.

So he's like, why don't you work with Tommy yeah

and the tight ends and so I played a little tight end yeah yeah yeah oh maybe Miles Garrett at tight end this year I mean I mean you can't stop that it's July you can't stop it dude so anyways I that's been really cool to have that perspective on offense which you know having you know six years as a head coach in Tennessee there's plenty of offense that I was doing and understood and communicated with so that's what I've been doing so do you think uh Stefanski is going to have you address the team in the Mike Vrabel uh situational spot this year during the season uh potentially I mean we've discussed it I put you know I put, you know, I put tapes together for Kevin and things that they've done, things that we've done, things that people around the league have done. I showed it to him.
He's got a great group there. And so we sat, you know, a few mornings and went through the tape.
And what you try to do situationally is you try to take all these clips and you try to, you know, that you can show the team, you can show the quarterback, so that everybody sees it through the same set of eyes. They're not going to be able to watch 3,000 clips in the last 45 seconds of the first half in the last 45 seconds of the game.
So you're like, okay, that's a good one. And then you come up with this cut-up, and then you just show it to the coach, and then he decides how we want to do things.
Do you know what I'm talking about, though, in terms of the actual situational spot? I knew. I knew where you were going with this cut up and then you just you know show it to the coach and then he decides how we want to do things do you know what i'm talking about though in terms of the actual situational spot i i knew i knew where you were going with this yeah there's a lot of just tell me what situation yeah it's the uh the tennessee titans are playing uh a sunday night or monday night game and they're like seven to ten point underdogs and everyone thinks they're gonna get absolutely killed and then mike vrabel comes in and he wins the game we did that quite a few times yes that seemed like every game we won pretty much seemed like that anytime the anytime the titans were like consensus written off as they got no chance in this game you guys would win out decent money line yeah very good so like that's the that's i don't know i don't know how you did it.
It really was more than just a couple times where it became something that I almost expected where it's like if their backs are against the wall and people think that they got no chance, Vrabes is going to figure out a way to get this team to play and play their best football player. Here's what I say.
You guys have a team. You guys have an operation.
You're very good at what you do. Early on a few years ago you're like we're gonna make this switch and it's gonna work and and our and our shit's gonna take off and we're gonna we're gonna nail this we're gonna figure it out whatever that was whether that was with dave or you guys and so early on i forget what it was 2018 we said so it was like i think it was the second game we're playing Houston and they were rolling they were good Deshaun was down there we we had nobody we had everybody got hurt in Miami we had like our practice squad tackles Marcus got hurt and it was like how are we gonna win well we faked a punt threw a punt to Byard for a touchdown I was like we're going to stand in the huddle for 38 seconds we're going to run the line snap it we're going to go wildcat with derrick i mean we did all and it's i was like for the night before the game i was like 40 17 and 2 i was like we got to run the ball 40 times we need to hold them to 17 points or less and we need to get two turnovers and we won 20 to 17 yeah and it was like that was so when you explain these things then you're like this is how we're going to win it may not be the same every week it may not always work but this was the plan and i think if you can do those things and then the people around you see it work they're like okay we'll give it another try and see how it goes.
So you had a specific plan like that when you would go into a game

where maybe your team didn't match up 100%, like talent for talent.

You know if you play this game 100 times, you're not going to win 50% of them.

But you had that plan of, hey, if we can muck it up and do these three things.

Reserve the right to punt.

We played the 49ers, and we came out.

I said reserve the right to punt it

was back and forth we took care of the ball but a huge turnover in the red zone and um and then

jimmy came out i think it was the first play of the second half and we had gone from playing all

zone we switched it up we played man he kind of chunked the ball a money hooker intercepted it

and and we ended up beating them and they were you know they were really good thursday night game

yeah right around christmas yeah i remember that that was one of the ones yeah where's like in the

I'm not sure. hooker intercepted it and and we ended up beating them and they were you know they were really good thursday night game yeah right around christmas yeah i remember that that was one of the ones yeah where's like in the ram sunday night game remember that one was there a dolphins one too the dolphins one was last year yeah yeah there's so many where it's like you just go in and everyone's like titans got no chance but you know that and whatever team hires mike variable next as head coach is getting like an entire season's worth of Mike Vrabel being counted out.
Yeah. I think the 49ers were wearing all whites in that game.
Yeah. I actually gave you a chance after I saw those.
Those didn't make any sense. I mean, I don't know necessarily being counted out, but I just think that there's a mentality that, you know, I mean, these guys were here for a reason a reason everybody I think each week you just try to explain everybody that you have to prepare as a starter and I think it kept guys engaged I think when they saw that you know we play different guys in different places and whatever we try to do you just try to keep them engaged and you know hopefully I get an opportunity again and would love to try to do it I think it's going to work out for you for sure i mean this offseason i felt like you were one of the top coaching prospects out there it's like i i was going through my own personal coaching search at the time and i was like yeah mike vrabel would love to have mike vrabel in dc it's a lot of it is about fit you know i think these interviews get uh overblown i think that they they go through a process i think that uh or you too you you were too big and intimidating yeah you are too physically big it's a big man's game you scared away a lot of owners because it's a big man's game boys and uh i mean they just keep getting bigger and bigger and so uh you know i i didn't really necessarily i tried to do my job the best that I could for that organization.
But these interviews are interesting, right? You try to make a connection early on, right? We have a connection. I've known you guys, you know, thought I had great interview in LA, you know, for the Chargers.
And, you know, Harbaugh decided to come back to the NFL. and that's what Mr.
Spanos and John Spanos communicated with me. And I respect them for that.
They literally called me on a speaker phone. Didn't string you along, yeah.
No, they called me, and that rarely happens to where if an owner is going to interview you and then go in a different direction, they'll personally call you. And they were like know second place isn't going to give you much but wanted to tell you that you know we just had an opportunity to hire you know john harbaugh so um that's how it goes or yeah i was i was actually surprised every time yeah it is fucking impossible every single time just say harbs harbs know them so well and i just always do that yeah i was i was actually shocked that you were fired this year because it felt like you were a good thing a stable thing that the titans had going your team's always played hard and i remember it was during the season that was i was always proud of that i appreciated that as a young coach um there was a veteran coach at ohio state he came in dave adolph, and he was a defensive coordinator with the Raiders, and he was a defensive coordinator for Al Davis, and that's not an easy thing.
And he was helping out Ohio State when I just started there. And he came in, and Trestle had brought him in to kind of just watch, consult, hang out.
Good football coach, and he's since passed away, but he said, man, your guys play hard yeah and i didn't realize how good that felt when he said your guys play hard and so i always try to carry that through um you know and i figured it was the contract that you made for the team with the team yeah you you individually that's the contract that you make with the football team is that you're going to play your ass off but that i really I really do think the way, if you can get your team to play hard in the NFL, I think it actually is worth, like consistently, week in and week out, I do think it's worth a win or two at the end of the season. Yeah, and then if you're worth a broke one, then you got a chance to win.
You know what I mean? It's like, if you play hard, you're going to be in the game. Right, there are teams that you can see like, oh, they're just not, they don't bring it to the other team at week in and week out but when you when vrabel coaches a team that happens well let's hope so yeah we should hire him right now yeah you want to you want to coach our podcast we don't have a head consultant i mean if i can't beat out one of these guys yeah you could definitely yeah yeah name your title hit record on the on the camera yesterday the coffee yeah did, Hank, you know, he's slow.
Yeah. So, all right, so would you ever coach college? I'm not going to say never, but it's certainly turned into a different game.
You know, I talked to, you know, Coach Fickle. Yeah.
You got to be a huge fan. Are you going to go up there and have him on or no? Yeah, we've had him on.
Oh, good. But I saw him when I was up there in the spring, and I'm going to go up for a game this year.
Are you contributing to the NIL? I've been telling them. Bah, bah, bah.
I'll tell you the answer. I'll tell you the answer.
I've told them, find me a really good player, and I will do a Stella Blue Coffee NIL deal that's bigger than, like, just get out of the room. Luke, we'll call right now the basketball team i told the football team but figure out like you bring the player to me and be like hey we're this close to this guy can you help and i'm in and i'm not gonna bring in the closer yeah i'm not gonna just write like uh you don't you don't trust i'm just not gonna write 10 grand check and just be like oh i see where it goes 10 grand is not gonna get you a player right exactly right i want to actually I'm going not going to write a 10 grand check and just be like, Oh, I see where it goes.
10 grand is not going to get you a player. Right.
Exactly. Right.
I want to actually get a player for 10. I want to actually have like an impact where like, if you just give money to like a collective, it's like, where's this going to go? It's going to go to the players.
But, but anyways, I don't know. Like Luke and I've had conversations about this, about, you know, how do you want to structure that money that you have, that you're allocated for each team, your salary cap.
Is it going to be this group of incoming freshmen that I would consider rookies that you're not really sure on and what's the hit rate? Are you going to try to develop your own team and then re-sign your own guys? Or are you going to live in the portal and that's free agency? And again, those are six-month rentals. Guys are coming in and then they they're out there's a lot about coaching college football that's not about coaching football at all and i feel like it would be you could have more success i think translating from the nfl to college than you would go the other way around but also at the same time if you're an nfl coach i don't see like why that would appeal to you you have to work so much more well there is a lot know, in the summer, you know what I mean? You'll be sitting at baseball games or you'll be sitting at things and kids will call and say, hey, coach, I'm 30 minutes from campus.
And you're like, I mean, there was a guy from Georgia. I was at one of the kids' baseball games when I was coaching Ohio State.
And he was making the Notre Dame, the Michigan, Ohio State loop, like in the summer. And he went to high school like an hour from Georgia, and I'm thinking there isn't a chance in hell this guy's coming to Ohio State.
But I've got to come in there, open up the stadium, go Bucs, and I'm thinking just go on down there and commit to Georgia. Yeah, and yeah, it's chasing.
And he did. Yeah, right, of course, he did.
So do you think Coach Fickles – I mean, I'm very bullish on this season. I think it's a tough schedule.
But how do you think – I think going into his first year at Wisconsin – And again, I'm a football coach and a football player. Bull, bear, like can we clean up that? Like you mean that you're excited about the bull is a good bear? Bull is strong.
Bull bears. Have you seen the bears out here? I'm bullish means I'm very excited and I'm like by the Luke Fickle stuff.
It gets very complicated when he's talking about Chicago because he's always bullish on the Bears. Bullish on the Bears.
Yeah, bearish on the Bulls. I can see where that is.
That's true. Yeah, that's true.
So I am high on Luke Fickle. Good.
I think the first year going to Wisconsin probably were – it was maybe more of a mess that he had to clean clean up. He was my host at Ohio State.
He was there as a freshman, and I came in in December, and he was waiting for me when I got there at the hotel, and the rest was history. How cool are you guys? Best friends.
Were you guys like best friends initially? It's amazing how well his ID worked for me when I was 19 years old. Who would win in a fight right now? Fight beat his ass i mean this is not a sanctioned wrestling event he only lost once as a high school wrestler right i think he lost three times as a freshman he was an unbelievable wrestler i thought he only lost once his entire career i think he lost three i because i went to a really really good uh high school wrestling program i was a basketball player it's too athletic to wrestle but um i remember and we we had we had end up winning a national championship so my buddies were wrestlers and they played football and so luke i think lost three as a freshman and then went undefeated three straight years so he kicked your ass yeah no no no like in a sanctioned like wrestling match absolutely yeah but if you if you guys fought right now, he would wrestle you to the ground.
I do not believe if it was a street fight that I would lose to him. I think he'd have you.
What's his size? He'd splatel your ass. You're way bigger than him right now, right? I'm intimidating.
Yeah. You are bigger than him.
He's lost a little weight. But all right, so back to the Luke Fickle question.
I think the first year at Wisconsin, maybe a little bit more of a situation he had to clean up than he realized how do you think i think i am always high on luke i i wanted um luke recruited my oldest son tyler when he played in houston and he recruited him at cincinnati jen and i you know obviously we don't have a say my my wife and i thought it would be amazing because what he was doing with that program. Right.
And then Tyler's like, Dad, I've known Uncle Luke since the day I was born. You put him in a tough spot, yeah.
And it was like, yeah, when you look at it like that, you make the decision that's best for you. Now you've got to call him.
And Tyler was like, fuck. He's like, I've got to call him.
I said, yeah, that's part of the deal. He goes, I figured you were going to say that.
Yeah, he should have just gone to Cincinnati instead of having to call him. I was like, Luke, you're pissed at me because Tyler's not coming.
I was like, don't be pissed at me. Right, right.
Hank, you got Brabe's coffee? Where'd he go? Hank's just off surfing the internet in the other room. So speaking of Hank, his favorite person in the world, Tom Brady, I don't know if you saw, but he went to Tom's Jersey retirement.
Yeah. Tom called him out by name.
Yep. Brady four.
We also watched the roast of Tom Brady, which you were not at. I was thinking that you were going to be there.
I mean, all the good stuff. I mean, I was too much low hanging fruit on those jokes.
I've done much more. Yeah, I mean, it does feel much low-hanging fruit on those jokes.
I thought there was – yeah, I've done much more.

Yeah, I mean, it does feel like you were –

you maybe spent whatever it was,

the first five years of his career roasting him every single day.

Yeah, no, we had – those were great.

Those were fun.

The roast was funny.

The funny parts, I mean, I didn't sit there for three hours,

but, you know, there was some good stuff.

Yeah.

Do you want to,

what if Hank was Tom Brady?

Would you roast Tom Brady?

Like, what would you have said at the roast?

Oh, I,

there's a lot of stuff left in there,

I think, that we could have done.

But, I mean, it was a lot,

again, the,

I struggle with,

I like to age gracefully. I got wrinkles.
I got crow's feet. I got scars.
It's just a polish and a shine on that face of his right now. I think everybody in this room, we all age gracefully.
Exactly. We just embrace it.
He's kind of like an anime version of Tom Brady. It's like an airbrush.
Yeah. Right, right.
It's an Instagram filter of himself. I was with him.
We had a family over the summer come and hang out with us a couple days, and we went out on a boat. We got a 16-year-old son and a 12-year-old daughter.
The daughter wanted to get pictures of her jumping off the boat. And as she's in there, she's she's like put it in portrait mode and i'm like what what is portrait mode yeah i mean the game is the game has changed it's uh everybody's got to got to go on instagram or tiktok the uh speaking of which thanks hank are you surprised that uh no build and get it get a job uh that was a little surprising to me it a job.
Yeah, again, there's about a connection, right? You know what I mean? You come in, you sit down. Some organizations have eight to 10 people there.
Some have just a few. And you have to sit down there and they have to, you know, I don't think many people know Bill.
I mean, he's been in New England forever. So I don't know how those interactions went, but there's certainly a connection that has to be made.
It's not just they have to see and say, this is the person that's going to lead our team to a championship, not that he did it in New England and it's just automatically going to work. So there's a lot of fit to it, having done it, there's a lot of fit with the pieces that are around you with ownership, the support, the communication, the general manager, the personnel people, however that works.
And so, you know, maybe that wasn't the right fit. Yeah.
I think there's a chance also that he gets into media and he, he either loves doing media or he loves the time away from football and kind of leans into it and doesn't come back. Well, I think there's just so much knowledge there and the way that he can articulate it and he explains it.
When I watched him briefly in those media opportunities, that's what we felt like, me and Teddy and Willie and on and on on and on and and everybody that we played with and rodney and it was just that's kind of what we got in a team meeting was this overall history of football understanding of who we're playing how we have to win uh just the intricacies of that and i think you saw some of that yeah no i mean he was great on the on the draft night stuff it's uh yeah i just i was shocked we'll see you're right the fit is always you know the connection the human connection with the owner and the coach but that just feels like maybe maybe owners are intimidated too where it's like a guy who has that legend behind him and the amount of super Bowl rings he is going to command a lot of eyeballs and kind of take a lot of attention in your organization and sometimes you need that though sometimes somebody's got to stand up there and take the bullets yeah and uh sometimes that's a good thing did you um yeah did you think the uh Apple TV documentary was uh what'd you what were your thoughts I didn't watch it. They came in, they interviewed me.
I said, you know, I can be available for an hour or two in the summer right before training camp or something. You know, they came in and I didn't really, again, I was in a different position.
I was coaching. I was going to play against, coach against Bill.
I wasn't going to play, hell. Coach against Bill.
So I didn't really, like, catch much of the undertone of the hit piece. Right.
You know, I didn't watch it. I talked to some big, big Patriot fans, and they're like, if they spent 10 minutes on a team that won 20, however, three games or four games in a row in the National Football League, then it wasn't a very good documentary.
Oh, yeah, your team, Scott, they basically showed the first Super Bowl. And they won again.
And they were like, yeah. And they won again.
And also, they won two more. Okay, now Aaron Hernandez.
It was crazy. I felt like the roast thing, man, that was probably what bothered me the most was like the whole idea of about a roast like if we went out or we were hanging out like you'd make fun of me I'd make fun of you or you'd make and then you'd make fun like you're there to like you you get made fun of and then you get to stand back up yeah and then make fun of somebody else this poor bastard he can't even defend himself yeah like he's in the he's in the great it's like we can yeah you can't really like there's no swinging back from that standpoint that was i was some of those jokes i was like but there were some funny moments in that roast yeah yeah so you obviously still have you know close ties with the patriots always will was there any part of the uh the ring of honor ceremony that maybe rubbed the titans the wrong way Where it's like, does he love them more than he loves us? Well, you're asking him more than he loves us.
I certainly hope not. You know, I certainly hope not.
You know, when you – there was going to be some uniqueness to this. I don't know – you know, I can't think off the top of my head.
I'm sure there's coaches that did something, but not currently where I went back. It was the bye week and everything was structured.
It was hopeful that our bye week in Tennessee was Patriots home game. And it was, and it did, and it worked out.
And as soon as it came out, you know, you call the owner, you call the team president, you know, because you can kind of see like, this is how it's going to be. It's going to be a big deal.
You know what I mean? It's like, I played there. You're going back there.
You're going to put a red jacket on. You're going to stand with Mr.
Kraft for four hours. There's going to be that you're going to sit in the box next to him and you're going to watch the game and you're going to have a conversation and all these things are going to be caught on television.
Right. But like my, that didn't affect my desire to be in Tennessee.
Right. Right.
Like, that's how it goes. Like, you go back there, and it was amazing.
And the conversation that I had with the fans was, don't be frustrated about this season. Like, look up there and look and see.
Like, when teams come in, like, they stare stare at those banners like I remember going back there in 2020 in the 19th season and telling the players like you're going to see those banners and those aren't you know I mean you don't get caught looking at the pinstripes boys like those things are amazing and what they've done and yeah they were 19 and 3 in the month of January in the playoffs like it's going to be a tall task but we're up for it and i'm going to tell you how we're going to win but also a lot of teams go in there and they stare at those banners and i wanted to explain that to the fans like it's not like you don't walk in nfl stadiums and see the entire end zone like with afc uh central division champion banners like these are super right banners these are lombardi trophies These aren't Division champion banners. Like these are Super Bowl banners.
These are Lombardi trophies. These aren't like division banners.
That was a great game, by the way, where you stole time from Belichick. You just time traveled.
Did he ever say like, hey, touche? Like, good job, Braves. No, it's different.
I mean, Bill and I, we have, I think, a great it's, it's different, right? It was a player coach. Now it's coach coach.
And we're, you know, we were competing against each other and now we're, you know, up, up hopefully potentially for, for some of the same opportunities if the, if it presents itself. And so we never really talked about that situation or, you.
And it's kind of understood. These games are all tape, guys.
Somebody comes up with an idea, and then somebody tries to do the same thing. But you did it perfectly.
You did it perfectly, and you did it to the guy who doesn't tell you. Right.
Yeah, it was good. And again, my guy – You had that smirk on your face, too.
I did not want to smirk. smirk i did it i swear to god you definitely had a little smirk but my my guy stretch up in the box uh who's with the rams now he's going to help the rams john striker stretch yeah like my my personal assistant game management he was doing a lot for for us and now he's with the rams but he was in my ear and he could watch on the tv copy and he is like he is steaming yeah like stop stop telling me this because i could not i didn't want to like smart explain explain the situation the loophole that you got that you took advantage of outside of uh yeah the outside of um five minutes any defensive penalty they

would just wind right the clock they would just take the yardage off and then put 25 seconds back

and start the clock so you could take it down you could you could fall start or you could delay a

game then you could fall start then you can delay a game again eventually because if you're punting

from the 36 yard line or 35 yard line you don't want to attempt a long kick in the in the weather or whatever it may be what's the difference for these punters nowadays between the 40 and the the the plus 40 and the minus 45 they're they're so good they're so specialized they'll just you know instead of kicking in and end over end you know they'll just kick it in the corner and kick it out of bounds so the yardage really didn't matter it was about taking the time off and figuring that try to give tom brady less opportunities or if we get a stop then they would have less time we ended up stopping them and then they had eight seconds and there's nothing the other team could do they're sitting there yeah they can sit over there and yell at the officials and the officials are like if you do it again it's going to be this this and i said you know i'm like the guy jumped off sides like the guy flinched i don't know what to tell you like jesus christ you're yelling at me like i know the rules yeah it's right there and you've done that just tell me what the rules are and we'll play by them and we'll do the best that we can. So then the next year, they said, any penalty, the clock stops.
Any offensive penalty, the clock stops. That's kind of an honor to get a rule change because of something you did.
I had one as a player, too. What was that? So it was the old fake timeout because the rule is you can't call two consecutive timeouts.
You pump fake to timeout? I pump fake to timeout. So do this on like the field goal block and um because this is back when you could push yeah so teddy and i would literally stand with our hands on seymour's ass and ty warren ty warren's ass and we would as soon as the ball was that you could push and it was like it would just be a tidal wave and the line would go go back, and everybody would try to block.
And then you can't push anymore.

Right.

So we would like, I used to kick her.

We'd call the old timeout, and then I would stand up,

and I'd be like, timeout, timeout, timeout,

knowing that the official wouldn't give it to me.

And then the tight end who had his hand down,

he would like think it was a timeout, so he'd pick his hand up.

I'd go, that's a false start.

And they would move him back five yards.

Because the guy thought, oh, it's going to be another timeout. I said, watch, this guy's going to pick his hand up i'd be like time out time out and he would like and i'm like false start and like yes he's right we gotta throw it so then they're like if you do that then that's the delay yeah you can't do that anymore yeah but we did that a couple times back in new england you also just take a guy sometimes i think it was on punt maybe punt return you would just take a guy on the sidelines be like hey go run out on the field get 12 men for us real quick so that is a uh that that was a clock thing and it wasn't necessarily punt return um i don't want to get too far into the weeds on that one because that's actually a pretty good one it's a way to keep that one yeah yeah for sake you know i mean you're you're down in the game let's say you're down in the game right so now you're trying to conserve time there's two things you want to consume time or conserve time if you're down you obviously want to conserve um and they get a long gain on first down right so now it's second and one do you want to waste time out what's the probability that they gain a yard give them a first down right so you're kind just resetting the process.
Right, that's smart. Because again, it's second and one do you want to waste a timeout right probability that they gain a yard give a first down right so you're kind of just resetting the process because again it's not about the yards it's about the time so you kind of run a guy out there and you know yeah because the worst could happen is they get like a gain of no yards on second down and then get a first down on third down then you're fucked yeah have you ever read up on i think it buddy ryan's polish goal line defense yeah you ever heard this one no oh yeah i'm trying to remember it was my first coach in new england was rob ryan and he'd tell buddy ryan stories he didn't tell this one you put 14 guys on the field on defense or like 13 guys i think it's 12 or yeah it's 12 or 13 what difference it make if you're 12 12 is good 13 gotta be better but 12 it's harder

sometimes the ref will miss 12 right no and well i mean not the nfl refs no it's happening yeah i think if you get a penalty it's half the distance so you go a centimeter and then if there's like six seconds left yeah then they can some of those seconds burn off maybe yeah and so then now they only have one time down yeah or like the hack of shack where yeah you know there's six seconds and you think it's the last play usually it's the half but a lot of these teams now with the analytic you know i mean they're going for it where there used to be a field goal they would just take the field goal now you know they untimed down the ball's on the half yard line most teams will go yeah you've you've uh i mean are you i feel like you would go for it a relative like you'd play the game of hey this makes sense you went for it this actually was i mean you know this will compton's a fucking moron he's got like rocks in his brains uh we had the whole debate about dan campbell and he was like you got you can't go for two you gotta you gotta kick the extra point you gotta kick the field goal i was like your coach mike vrabel who from the outside people would be like old school doesn't like analytics he did this against the dolphins on the monday night game where they're down 14 and you go for two after scoring a touchdown he did it that is what that That is playing the percentages. He is showing you that you can adjust, and Will just didn't understand that.
Yeah, it makes sense when you look at it that if overtime is a coin flip, you try to avoid the coin flip. Right.
And you're just trying to put the numbers, give yourself a best chance to win it in regulation. and you know you can debate whether you want to do that from you know the the eight yard line I don't know what the number that was the day Campbell yeah those are those I think the odds start to go down yeah but you know that that's the whole idea and the mentality seeing a lot of these teams you know just being able to go for it more when you cross the 50-yard line.
Yep. And a lot of those things inside the two or three-yard line, going for it on fourth down.
These things are all very important. And how you combine those numbers is critical.
Just like when you talk about analytics and and drafting players right height weight speed um different scores that they put together based on the testing arm length um you know how you weight things what positions may take in analytics you know to more seriously than other positions would right like maybe not need to use the analytics so much in this position, but historically height, weight, speed has transferred, translated pretty well in these positions. Yeah.
Yeah. Maybe this is what you should do for your next, when you get to the next coaching cycle that you're trying to get hired, you bring Will with you and you sit him down and you're like, watch, I'm going to teach him something basic uh that's risky though because he might not pick are you just that's true you might just bring a monkey in there to watch him wipe his ass before i'd interview will what you do is you just have will and you debate will and you show how much if you bring will then taylor's right there you know and they got like seven jps yeah and they got bus, which is a great idea that they had to do a podcast on a car.
I love Will, but I literally, I wanted to fight him. I love them too.
I wanted to fight him on the analytics thing because I was like, you just don't understand the simple math behind it. How did beer Olympics go? Oh, it was fantastic.
I'm still hung over. It was a lot.
Puke and rally? Well, they kicked me out. So if you puke, you're out.
I was i was like i can still play put me back in coach it was like you didn't pass they took my helmet yeah they took my helmet i was like i want to get back in there protocol they took big hat to the tent and they were like he's not coming out of this tent i i actually i threw up after the very first event you compete as an individual i was very sneaky about it so i just he threw up right away yeah so i chugged three beers and then just calmly walked around the corner, puked and came back and started drinking again. Good to go.
They didn't see that. The cameras weren't on me.
They saw mine because mine was at the end of the day and it was after all day. And I'm so did you guys show up in one of those like party buses? Yeah.
Yeah. And it was I mean, it was fun with the boys.
Like those guys are the best. All the guys that were there.
The not fun part is being 39 years old and waking up with like crippling hangover anxiety and being like what the fuck am i doing i just want to go home that part wasn't fun but everything else was great who won uh will and taylor so they yeah oh can we yeah i don't we can bleep i mean everyone said it went on rich eisen and said who. Oh, he did? Yeah.
So they invited everybody to Nashville to win. Yeah.
That was basically it. Also, the last game of beer pong took, I think, an hour and a half.
It was insane. He was playing David Bakhtiari, and they just, none of them could see.
Will and Taylor beat our asses in the pool, because I started a rumor that they were drinking fake beer. And everyone in the whole house kept on coming up to them.
They're like, arealcoholic beer and so uh yeah they kicked our asses they like almost drowned hank i noogied the shit out of taylor you should come i've been invited uh i didn't think that was the best place for me probably not you should come as just security just beat the fuck out of god it looked it looked fun it looked like carnage it was of fun. It's like there's something about just hanging out with the guys, playing games all day, getting drunk.
It's just fun. Yeah, that's awesome.
Out there throwing a ball around with the boys. Yeah, right.
It's just fun. There's nothing.
Yeah, there's moments. I think around 4 o'clock, I was like, I'd pay a fucking million dollars to be in my basement right now.
But still. Just get me out of here.
You're like looking for the Irish exit. Let me yeah looking for the irish exit like the old mountain dew sliparoo yeah so like me and big cat never had a chance to win no that's what we realized after we got there because you're competing against giant dudes that can all hammer beer flew all here this process the bus yeah we were talking i was talking to two guys who played uh on michigan last year just got drafted.
Not only are they freak athletes, they're 300 pounds, and they're 22 years old. We got no chance.
Can't compete with that. No chance.
We made the cut, though, which I think is pretty good. Yeah.
What is that, like top? It was like the top half. It was half, yeah.
Half. I did a three-beard chug in 8.19 seconds.
Tom could chug. I would say that.

That's the one thing I remember about that.

He was like.

Just one right down.

He would break that out.

Parentes.

There was a bar outside of Bryant College called Parentes.

And then we would go there for like an hour after meetings before bed check at the Patriots.

And it would be like.

Okay, boys.

Let's go.

When did he stop chugging, though?

Oh, I don't know. He had to have stopped.
he had to stop a couple years yeah when he was new yeah man that's how it goes it was transition that's a transition yeah yeah i mean i we don't i don't i don't drink with like my co-workers anymore let's i can't no they don't want to either yeah no they won't tell you this but they don't want to hang out with you Well, if I pay, they do want me there to pay. They really don't want to pay.
Yeah, no, they don't want to either yeah no they won't tell you this but they don't want to hang out with you guys well if i pay they may want me there like they really don't want to yeah no they don't want me there i think i think we can drink with them for the first like four or five beers and then we got to go and let them do whatever they do late night i mean i guess if that's the you know the culture that you guys want to create yeah we're not cool no they don't want to hang out with the bosses just like nobody wanted to hang out with the head coach it's how it goes are you gonna be on the sideline for the browns this year no no you're gonna be up in the booth i'm not i'm not i knew going in kevin and i talked and not having a role on game day oh um but i think that that's good you know i mean i want to do everything that i can you know prior to the to the game to pre-advance the practices help out where i can and i don't want to change their flow of um the game day right i mean there'll be games that i go to and again these were conversations that kevin and i had like how is this going to work you know first we talked about is it just going to be for the home games, right? Would it just be for the home games? And then the schedule comes out and it's like, they've got three home games in a row and then they got three away games. And I was like, I don't, that's not good to you.
That's not fair to you guys. I don't think that anything I want, like maybe I'm starting to work with a young player or helping a coach or doing something and then I'm just not there for three weeks.
I didn't feel it. So just trying to find something that's consistent.
And so we came up with this, and I think it's going to work really well. Have you thought about what your Sunday is going to be like now, though? Yeah.
Welcome to our world. You're going to be watching the games on TV like everyone else? It's harder than playing.
Yeah. I mean, I think that that's exactly what I'll do.
I'll watch that. Watch the Browns or I'll watch whoever, you know, we're playing, um, next.
Yeah. Try to get ready.
You're going to get to watch the red zone. What is that? The red zone or that? Yeah.
You're going to experience red zone. We have all the TV.
So we put on all the games. We have all the TV.
I'm telling you the truth. You, you, you, you're going to have, you strike me as a one TV guy.
You strike me as a one TV guy. You guys are like, Hey, you want to know how everybody's doing, and you just don't want to know that they're doing better than you're doing.
I mean, it's our job. I think they're doing, Braves.
I'm doing good. I think it's also a fair question.
How many TVs do you? How many TVs do you? You guys got a job. How many TVs? That's true.
I'm a consultant. You don't have a job.
You're right. You work at Deloitte.
Wait, are you on contract? You guys understand. I used to wear orange-brown sweatpants to school with a dog.
We'd see how many dog biscuits you'd eat. You want to talk about chugging beers.
You haven't lived until you've puked on milk bone. You know, there's hair in those things when you eat them as a sixth grader.
You ever party at the Muni lot? What's that? You hang out at the Muni lot ever? At the what? At the Muni lot.

Isn't that what it's called?

The Muni lot?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Municipal lot?

That'd be funny if that was your favorite.

The first time I ever smelt weed, I was in seventh grade,

and my dad splurged for dog pound tickets.

And it was like guys had a keg there, and they're like pouring beer,

and it's like passing jays around.

And I was in seventh grade, and I'm like, what is this?

He's like, well, this is a good time to talk through a lot of this stuff here as we're watching the ball game um was at the last uh game at municipal stadium oh wow which was awesome they were people were pulling yeah you remember if you see yeah yeah yeah taking out the seats the rails and they come out or the chairs and they come out like 15 seats in a row and it was like ah ah ah and they would throw it over thing, and the place would go nuts. Yeah.
Yeah, Browns fans are special. I do have a good place in my heart for them.
I've tailgated a couple times that parking lot. I have never seen people that drunk before 10 a.m.
before. Northeast Ohio is a great place for football.
There's a lot of history, which is really cool. You know, they had a lot of Ohio State players.
Yeah. You know what I mean? And so the history there, they've had a lot of history which is really cool um you know they had a lot of Ohio State players yeah I mean so the history there they've had a lot of Ohio State players um obviously Paul Brown you know coaching high school football uh in Maslin so that's the kind of stuff that's really cool um you know Bill Willis was like one of the first like nose guards he played at Ohio State and they said the story was that he kind of was like a linebacker.
And then he walked down over the center and put his hand down. And that's how he became a nose guard.
And he was, you know, he's a Hall of Fame player. Hall of Fame, Pro Football Hall of Fame, College Hall of Fame, and Ohio High School Hall of Fame.
So there's a ton of history there, obviously. And it's cool to look up and see a lot of those names.
Yeah. Speaking of Ohio, does it bother you that Michigan has your number right now,

or do you not care?

I care a little bit.

I don't care a lot.

Yeah, you're not.

You know what I mean?

I'm not.

No.

I care.

I don't care that much.

Okay.

You don't care that the NCAA football game just shat on Ohio State with their trailer, right? Didn't catch that. Did it cross your radar? No.
That's shocking. I thought that for sure would have been on your radar.
Nope, that's not true. We're not hot to a girl.
She was on the timeline. She was on the For You page.
She was on the For You page. Yeah, spit on that thing.
She did a documentary about her about her and i love this like they're hillbillies in tennessee and we're making sure she gets every dollar she's supposed to get and she's over there signing hats yeah that's great good for her for cashing in though you guys you gotta know strike while the iron's hot he's like i'm representing her now and she's gonna get every dollar she's supposed to earn. I'm being ethical about this.
You've got to have a follow-up plan if you're Hawk to a girl. How do you follow up that massive first hit? I don't know.
I mean, you don't. Yeah.
I mean, other than like a fantasy camp where you come in and it's like, you teach, here's the technique and everything else coach yeah she could be a coach I got kind of a kind of a serious question we talked about uh Dan Campbell kind of serious we talked about Dan Campbell earlier and I feel like where you were early on in your head coaching career in the NFL is kind of like where Dan Campbell has been around the last couple years where um what I mean by that is that I feel like journalists and the media and fans a lot of times didn't necessarily know how smart you were for the first couple seasons they saw you as you know former linebacker meathead he's aggressive and I don't know if you played into that aspect to like let people underestimate you but I feel like that same thing is happening with Dan Campbell where he gets all all the clicks where he says i'm bringing a live line onto the field you know doing all the meathead stuff but secretly yeah that was our fault but secretly secretly he's like very very smart in a football sense and he's like he's been around a game he played for a long time he um you know obviously was successful in new orleans and miami and everything that he did. And I think that that's his ability to translate that being a player, right? These tight ends are very unique positions, right? They're involved in a run game.
They're involved in the pass concepts. So they know coverages.
They also know fronts. So he took a lot of that as a player and the way that he played the game and then translated that to his coaching style and when you go out there you're not trying to prove anybody like oh i'm this or i'm smart i'm i'm i'm very intellectual it's all about what you're what you can get your players to believe in right but i feel like sometimes he does it the other way where he he puts stuff out there to make people underestimate him and not realize i mean i don't know that maybe he does or maybe that's that's his personality um but they they've certainly been successful and and and i love the way that they play i love the you know i i always root for dan i think that he's you know like would always have conversations with him and uh wish him the best until they play the browns yeah yeah i mean it's it is i i think it also just speaks to uh the way the game is talked about has obviously evolved analytics uh a lot of it's covered in a different way but analytics is always something that was a part of the game of course there's always percentages they're always this and i think now that there's got to be a fine line right there's got to be some working balance between the two you know they're humans and you have a feel and not every time the conditions are the same and you know the decisions that we make yeah they have to be you know you just don results-based analysis.
Yeah. Right.
Well, it didn't work. So, or it worked.
And so it was right. It's got to be thought out before.
Like if we get this situation, here's what we're doing. We've always had analytics.
It's just how the numbers that we're now measuring are different because we've learned what's better, what's not. And having a coach that has like real life, like especially playing experience absolutely helps when you've got the numbers and then you also have game feel at the same time.
The application of it. And the biggest thing is that the players understand what it is that you're doing.
Hey guys, we got to call upon this practice in August when we went through this situation. And this is why we're doing this.
this and I think that those once you can get the players to understand it and buy into it and believe it you know then you got a chance did you have that moment where you could feel that the players were fully buying into everything you did because it feels like every time I hear a story about coaching and this goes back to Belichick it's like the minute the players realize the coach is putting them in the best spot they buy in 100 and they're all in and they'll do everything for that coach yeah i i do i mean i think um it was uh you know early on i think we'd i think that they um we might have beaten the patriots in 2018, even before we went up there. And they had lost to them in the playoffs the year before, and they went hurry up, right? They went on the ball, and they weren't ready, and they weren't lined up.
And it just didn't look like it was a unit, right? It didn't – there was no flow to what they were doing. And so I just said you guys are going to be ready.
And to beat this team, to beat this quarterback, and to beat this coach, when the game is over, you have to be mentally and physically exhausted. And however you want to put that first, physically and mentally exhausted or mentally and physically because every snap if you're not ready to go a quarterback like tom is just going to pick you apart right they're just going to spread you out if you can't get lined up he's going to snap it and he's going to throw to the guy that's open that's how they operate and we we beat him in tennessee and in in the guys that were there and then had gotten beaten And we're like, okay, we felt like we were prepared.
They went empty. We blitzed them.
I mean, we sat down like eight times. You know what I mean? And they were like, okay, this felt better.
It felt like we were ready for what they were going to do. So that was something that I think early on helped us.
I just thought of another variable game. I i think you held pat from homes to three points we did yeah that was a class was that the week after you guys lost the cardinals opening week i don't know if it was the very next week but that was a variable game well yeah where the chiefs were like oh the chiefs are the best pat from homes you held them to three points yeah and we had great you know i mean again to be able to i think travis had one catch or something like that and so um the guys executed the plan they they knew you know just um but you know unfortunately we weren't able to you know to beat them when it mattered that was to go to the super i need you back in the leagues yeah we need the mike variable weeks it's just you get a sense yeah you get a sense of it and it's like okay at least i've i've got one winner this weekend yeah it's always good to

go in the weekend knowing you're you're not gonna get shut out yeah the steelers or the titans are

underdogs and everyone's written them off great oh have you thought about the new kickoffs yet

yeah we've worked through that what's gonna happen with those i think you'll probably see

um i think as the season goes on probably more touchbacks you know i think that we'll see um you know what's the difference i know that analytically somebody's gonna as soon as this comes out they're gonna tell me the difference between the 25 and the 30 um it's five yards just did it for you uh points okay points is it a half a point it's a third it's a third is a third of a point one three points is? Is it a third? It's a third of a point. It's .13 points.
Is it? Yeah. Good.
Yeah. Sure.
It's a third of a point. But I think that if it keeps the kickoff alive and it keeps guys, you know, the special teams in the game, I think that there's going to be more returns.
I think there will be more yardage gained. I think guys are going to, you know, be able to, um, to get it up.
You know what I mean? To, to be able to hit it in there and, and get some yardage out there and we'll see what the 30 yard line does on the touch. Yeah.
And maybe have kickers that can tackle too. We, you know, that's, that remains to be seen.
That'll probably never happen. One of my best friends in the league playing.
Every coach is still needs kickers. Larry Izzo came with this idea when we were in Houston.
And he went to – you know, Larry and I played for eight years together in New England. And so he was like, Billy, I think we're going to have Brian Peters, you know, Northwestern guy.
We're going to have Brian, who's our special teams, like really good player. And he's like, I'm going to have Brian kick off.
You know, he can kick off. And it's like, we're going to get an extra guy covering.
And I think we were in Minnesota. First one, he kicks down to like the five.
And maybe it wasn't the first one, but the second one he kicked. And you could just see his quad go.
So it just exploded. And I'm like, Larry, this isn't going to go well for you.
Yeah, there's one guy who's like, what the fuck are we doing, Larry? I think he's on the Texans, right? He's a safety and can also kick pretty well. He did a couple kickoffs last year.
Might have made a field goal, too. Reed is a safety for Kansas City.
And then Dare is a running back. Yeah, Badger.
He was versatile. He was in Houston the first time when we were down there and uh he kicked last year i think he had a kick against tampa bay the game that you know houston came back yeah and and won at the end yeah yeah do you still hate kickers because i think you for a time period you did hate kickers right i i mean i i don't know how many we've gone through but there should be a game have you kicked for the tennessee 2008 to 2022 and i wouldn't be able to tell you if they did or not there was i think one year we probably had six field goal kickers and sometimes you just wouldn't send the kicker out there it'd be like you're just like i'm done with kickers i can't handle another another miss yeah i mean i i see these guys that kick for us caro santos missed four field goals against the bills bills were good they're still good i mean josh allen you know i mean a great defense four field goals you know the last field goal he missed was that fourth one again against the bills and then he goes to chicago i don't think the guys missed no he's been actually money you would be it was unreal yeah and i'd watch every week i'm like oh greg joseph he could only kick 52 yarders when he was in tennessee apparently he made a 65 yarder or whatever he did to win the game i'm like nice kick greg these guys are great guys apparently they get down here on a broadway yeah they can't sell like they can't they can't make them i mean we nick folk was fantastic for us last year and i and i joke but we we had certainly some bad loss some bad breaks yeah yeah all right so i got one last question this has been awesome we love having you on brabes uh can't wait till you get back in well you're in the league but head coaching if you need us to like call in a recommendation we got you um i try on a resume yeah yeah recommendations i tried i tried to do that last year there was a guy from the commanders remember he was on he was like sitting first class on a plane you were on that same plane i was like you should go talk to mike rabel about this job he told me you were on there did he talk to you sad.
But I like Dan Quinn. Dan Quinn, great coach.
Absolutely. But all right, so my Roback question, R-H-O-B-A-C-K.com, Roback.com, promo code TAKE, 20% off your first purchase, Q-Zips, polos, hoodies, joggers, shorts.
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That was all from the dome. I know.
For the cue card, there's no cue card. Make sure my swag bag's ready here for the road back.
Well, how was the coffee? Hank wants to know how was the coffee. Hank got you the coffee.
I meant the road back, the golf stuff, Hank. How are you golfing? We'll see.
What's your handicap? It's better than what it was last year. I got really good at skiing this year.
I mean, I'm a scratch skier. I got fired, and I went to the mountain, and I skied.

But it is – I mean, when you go out there, like, it is nerve-wracking.

Like, there's fans.

Like, it's a long line.

And every ball, you got to putt everything in, and it's like no, like –

No gimme's.

Yeah, no gimme's, yeah.

Yeah.

So wait, what's your handicap?

Do you have one?

I do.

The index would be 8.3 if you looked it up right now. That's like Joe Biden.
That's pretty damn good. It's pretty damn good.
What's the workout? Sometimes maybe good, sometimes maybe shit. Incline walk, some push-ups.
That's it? Hike. Wait, what is it? Incline walk? What's the incline at? That's a hot girl walk.
You're doing hot girl walks. 12 and 3.5.
Okay. Accountability.
You don't hold on to the things, right? You go hands free. That was a dumb question.
I'm just making sure. Some push-ups.
You see his face. He's like, I don't fucking know.
I did get into this boot camp. So the boys back in Nashville at Richland Country Club, there's a 7 a.m.
boot camp. There's like four of us.
And we got this trainer uh justin and he does this like boot camp and i was like screw it out these guys are guys i golf with and uh i'll you know pico and the boys and chappy and and gotty and so we'll go in there and he grinds us and it just gives me a chance to cuss him out yeah for an hour it is something about like being pushed by someone else it's right and it's not even like heavy weight it's just like do as many reps you can do for 30 seconds yelling at you take two second break and then go yeah um so you go incline walk three and a half uh speed 12 incline for 30 minutes yeah 35 30 minutes and then how many push-ups right 100 or whatever if i don't do that's a full workout yeah do some toe touches and some core maybe stretching some core so wait when you get the first tee you do 100 push-ups how how many breaks do you take i just go straight through you just do 100 push-ups yeah yeah same me too i don't go on my shoulder i mean yeah the last two years i would say this the last two years i have felt like man i my i felt like i played like i was okay 45 46 and then now it's like jesus what's going on but now you're skiing i wake up identify as i'm set yeah but that's gravity skiing just go down just using gravity yeah yeah that's how you got a place in utah right i do is that isn't apocalypse bunker i heard it might have been i heard it was apocalypse bunker the Entire state? No, no got a place in Utah, right? I do. Is that an apocalypse bunker? I heard it might have been.
Yeah, I heard it was an apocalypse bunker. The entire state? No, no, your place in Utah.
Yeah. No.
It's not an apocalypse bunker. The entire state.
No, it goes right on the mountain. You just ski right off.
You just go right out the back. The entire state of Utah is an apocalypse bunker.
So it's in the mountain. Your place is in the mountain? That sounds like a bunker to me.
It's half in the mountain. You know what I mean? The top part is not.
So it's half a bunker. The bottom part is.
So it's half a bunker. Yeah.
It's a good place to go in case shit goes down. Will you let us in the bunker when shit goes down? Yeah, we'll go down there.
We got a golf simi in the lower level. Nice.
Tomato cans and tuna. No, just beer cans in there.
Okay. All right.
That sounds like a good like a good any guns you got guns out there no not not not a huge gun guy you know um but that doesn't mean we can't we can't get some yeah right we'll get some yeah it's i don't know why you need one i mean other than a bet you know you go hiking right you guys are married and and you know we go hike and my wife my wife jenna and i would hike and she's like well i saw on the instagram they got bears out there now park city and i'm like but i don't have to be faster than the bear i just have to be faster than you yes right exactly it's not that hard to understand yeah yeah we saw jody yesterday i'd fuck a coyote up yeah easy yeah they're they're they. They're like 90 pounds.
Punch in the face. Yeah, that's like a raccoon.
That's like a carp with legs. Right.
Yeah, they were afraid of us. We were intimidating as fuck.
All right, Braves. Did you enjoy this? You're the best.
Yeah, of course. Did you enjoy it? Are you kidding me? Yeah.
Are you kidding me? You're the best. Was it Rodney Harrison that said you're the nicest asshole that he knows maybe i think i think that's yeah you're you're you guys you guys remember that story about rodney and kevin falk right no no so we bring right bill like comes up with this idea that he's going to sign rodney harrison after the chargers let him go and he comes in it's like the first day of pads and um kevin falk runs one of his like routes out, and I try to cover him, or Teddy tries to cover him, and we can't cover him.
So he catches it, and he turns up, and Rodney comes and knocks the shit out of him. And everybody, you know, this is when we had like 8,000 fans.
And he wasn't a cheap shot. And Falk gets up and kind of slams the ball.
And Rodney's like, fuck you.

And then Dante's like, Skarnecchia, right?

Little Scar.

He's like, take care of you, Tia.

You can't.

Rodney goes, fuck you, too.

And me and Teddy looked at each other like, I think we got a dude.

He comes out with Dante.

He comes out with the coaching.

Fuck you, too. We were like, me too.
Yeah. We it we got to do a guy with some edge yeah fuck yeah that's that's right all right yeah you know you're the best we love having you on um maybe come watch some games with us on a Sunday I think we could do that yeah let me see if uh see all the tvs let me check with my boss okay Kevin I'm gonna reach out to you yeah and i'll see what he thinks i have one last last question do you have any interest in doing tv meteor tv because i feel like at some point in time i just don't want to cross over i don't think that it's ready to go to the dark side no no you don't want to dark side yeah well i mean by that i mean like once you go to media yeah like you these guys they never missed a tackle yeah they never dropped the.
They never threw a pick. That's what I mean.
Yeah, that's true. It's a good point.
All right, Braves, thanks so much, man. Thank you.
We'll get back to Coach Vrabel in a second. He's brought to you by Chevy.
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And now here's Gary Veder. And now now for something completely different okay we now welcome on a very special guest it is comedian gary veder who is here uh for his comedy but also for his podcast that is out now it's called number one dad i've listened to every episode it's an insane story so we wanted to have you on talk about it there's a very weird and awesome sports angle to it uh so let's start there let's start with number one dad uh first of all thank you for coming in here totally um do you want to give it like a quick yeah yeah i'll give a background yeah background and a ton of questions.
And like kind of where like the podcast picks up. It's my dad and I, we had a extremely complicated relationship.
But back, this is in the early 90s. My dad, he, for one, he's a con man.
Yes. Get that like, you know, right out there.
He's a con man. And we stopped talking 24 years ago.
But back in the early 90s, him and and I we shared this special moment where one of the cons involved me where we would go to Madison Square Garden he'd call up ahead he'd say that we work for Sports Illustrated for Kids that I was a reporter and he was a photographer and when we'd arrive at the garden they'd give us press passes to these games back in the 90s between 93 and 97. And we went to over 50 games completely for free without tickets.
And they gave us access to the locker rooms also. So when we would go there, not only would I meet the players, but I would keep up appearances and I would also interview the players as well.
So I met all the New York Rangers back in the 90s. I met all the Knicks back in the 90s.
And then if they're playing you know a cool opposing team especially like the bulls when they came to town and michael jordan was there i met and interviewed michael jordan as well it's crazy yeah would you actually like write stories uh no we wouldn't even write stories then that's the thing nobody asked because over time one for one people just believed us because after they see you a few times they're like oh here you are here you are again. So it's all good.
But they never questioned us. They never asked to see any articles or anything like that.
But I would come around with like a notepad and a pen. And I would ask questions, mostly like, you know, bullshit questions.
So it would be like, what's your favorite food or what's your best advice for a kid that, you know, wants to maybe one day be an athlete. So things like that, things that they would actually ask in Sports Illustrated for kids.
It's crazy. And obviously the whole podcast is, you know wants to maybe one day be an athlete so it's things like that things that they would actually ask in sports illustrated for kids it's crazy and and obviously the whole podcast is you know about your dad and he has a ton of different cons that you broke apart your family and and like was very hurtful but this one when i first saw this one i was like oh shit this is insane because there's pictures of you with michael jordan and patrick ewing now how old were you when this happened So I was between the ages of 9 to 13 when we were doing the SI for Kid Scam.
Did you have any idea that you were part of this con? Because at 9 years old, I could see a 9-year-old not fully understanding and being like, this is just the coolest thing ever. For sure.
I mean, I knew 100%. I was kind of groomed into my dad, I think, wanting me to be like him.
He wanted me to be this kind of con man, this fast talker, a guy who had a lot of street smarts. So very early on, my dad was operating like this and just everything he would do.
If we're going to a restaurant, he's trying to cop a free meal by whether he's bartering or might he own a payphone slash telecommunications business their their phones would just be magically out somehow i would always think that my dad would cut wires and things like that and we'd be getting a free meal because they needed somebody to repair the phone system so i was seeing my dad operate on a certain level so when it came time to do the si for kids scam i was very familiar with how my dad operated that i knew it wasn't, you know, who we were, but that we would just have to keep up this, this ploy to actually get in. So there was no part of you that was like, when you get SI for, I remember getting SI for kids when I was a kid, there was no part of you that was like, Oh, I'm going to see my article in here.
No, no, no, no, no. Yeah.
You're just like, this is what we do to get tickets. Oh, for sure.
And my dad would take the pictures, and he would use these pictures to show off to people. If we went to restaurants, he'd be like, oh, look, this is who my son meets, to kind of give him a higher profile.
He always just loved bragging about different stuff, his accomplishments. He loved lying.
So him succeeding in this particular lie definitely brought him joy. Yeah, so did you tell any of your friends that you were writing for Sports Illustrated for kids? No, never told them.
And that was part of my dad's thing. He knew that.
However, if I was to tell somebody, they wouldn't understand it. And then it would also get back to him.
So we kept it very hush. Later on, I was like, I want to share these moments.
I want to share that I met Michael Jordan with people. So my dad agreed that we could tell people that he knew somebody at the garden and that's how we had access okay so it was never you know being uh completely forthcoming or anything like that yeah go ahead was there like a moment growing up where you realize that like a lot of what dad says is bullshit oh yeah and it becomes a point where you're like damn can't you just be like a normal dad right that's all you want you just want your dad to be normal at a certain point you're living this cool this cool moment where you're going to these games and all my friends they weren't able to go to see i went to rangers game game seven stanley cup game one game five and game seven without a ticket game seven i sat glass and watched the rangers win the cup went to locker room after the game watching them drink from the cup went to the after party so these are things then and i go to school the next day i can't share

with anybody but i just want i want to i wish that we i could have i wish i could have been like my dad and i we did this thing but you can't you have to keep it quiet because you don't want to not be able to do it and i didn't know what the repercussions were about lying i just knew that it probably wouldn't be good probably we probably wouldn't be seen in a good light have any of the so when you went you you posted the first uh like story about this during covid right yeah so you posted like hey i lived this life as a fake sports illustrator kids reporter well the last dance just came out right so it kind of brought it up and my son was just born so i was like maybe i should just start sharing this and i would tell people like nate bargetsy and and my friends in comedy all about it when we were when we were like starting out and they're like oh this is so insane and i just i didn't really find the right time to say it and then having a kid of my own kindly uh kind of brought this out more of why you know make maybe make maybe question why did my dad do this why what were his did he even do it for me? Was he doing it for himself? Or was he actually wanting to show his kid a good time and this is the only way he could show it? Yeah. And then kind of made me wonder, what has he been up to after all this time? Because like I said, we haven't talked.
We have had no communication in 24 years. And yeah, I wanted to see what he's up to when you went public with it did any of the

i would assume none of the athletes reached out but did anyone reach out like from madison square

garden or anyone being like hey this is crazy i remember this no nobody nobody reached out um the

only i mean sports illustrated reached out just so i could write an article for them right and uh

then they went under so i don't know if that was because of me yeah but uh but besides that i would

say uh yeah nobody did and it was before dolan so i think i and i've been to madison square garden

and I will see you next time. Then they went under, so I don't know if that was because of me.
But besides that, I would say, yeah, nobody did. And it was before Dolan.
And I've been to Madison Square Garden. I went through the private entrance before, and it's after that article came out and everything.
So I think I'm good on Dolan's terms. But other than that, it was pre-Dolan, so I think everybody's gone from the garden at this point.
The craziest part to me is, so you're a professional you went i want to talk about you you won did you win america's got talent no i i uh i was a finalist though finalist yeah i lost to a uh a magician or somebody it's always a magician or some guy that like invents a musical instrument that takes up the entire room yeah yeah but so so you you've been doing comedy for a long time and comedy you know we we have a bunch of comedians on we have friends that are comedians it feels like most comedians tell a lot of personal stories you just didn't tell this story through all your comedy all these years yeah never never told it it was one of the ones where i cut i wouldn't even mention my dad in my act i i didn't want anything to do with him I completely cut him off. It was just too much bringing him up.
And then I needed a kind of a right platform to bring out the story. And then so I thought that this podcast would be it.
Yeah. It's kind of beautiful too.
You ended up becoming a Sports Illustrated columnist. Yeah.
Because your dad lied about you being a Sports Illustrated columnist. Yeah.
24 years later. And you're like, I would hope that you're, I mean, the podcast is really, really well done.
Everyone should go listen to it. But I would assume you're making money now off your day.
It's like you're kind of getting them back a little bit. Yeah, yeah.
He exploited me, and now it's my chance to exploit him. Yeah, he put you through all this.
Yeah, this is everything he taught me. Yeah, right.
It's coming right back at him. Full circle.
Yeah. That's crazy.
The other one that, and you mentioned it there for the payphones, I don't know if you listened to it yet, PFT, but your dad basically went around selling payphones pretending to be AT&T, even though he had no relation with AT&T. Yeah.
My dad was a master at pretending and posturing people. He could be somebody, anybody he really wanted to be.
And as soon as he saw something as, as simple as this is, but, uh, with AT&T, he owned and operated his own payphone slash telecommunications business. And he would go and get accounts by saying that he personally was AT&T.
They didn't know that he was just a one person to maybe he had four people max working for him at a time, uh this very small company and he'd get accounts like toys r us and costco and he'd put in all their payphone systems and all that and this is i mean this winds up being big money back then and they had no idea they weren't actually working with uh uh at&t so like when he'd send them a bill would it say at&t on the bill yeah he would uh he forge it. He would have their insignia and their symbol on there and their logo.
And if you called my dad's phone, it would have the AT&T chime on it. So they fully believe that they're in business with AT&T.
And then he would give, when they would change over managers, he would give them a commission. And then if they move managers, sometimes he wouldn't give them commission.
Things like that, Just finding ways to weasel his way in and out of certain deals. Was he always on the look for a scam? Would he go about his day and be like, oh, that's something I can take.
I'm going to circle back on that one later. Or was this just about get a meal here or there, he'd have a couple big ideas every now and again, like the Sports Illustrated for Kids, or was this like an everyday thing where he always had a new project? Everything, everything he did.
So before the, what predated the AT&T thing, he had a furniture business and he would give some people their furniture and then some people not. And this is back in the eighties.
So finding out how, where my furniture is back in the eighties, you have to jump through hoops. You could call the better business bureau, but are you one of, you know, you know, two people complaining about this furniture company or, you know, how long do you have to wait on the phone? This whole process or, and this guy is saying, meanwhile, my, my father's saying, I did send you your furniture.
You do have it. What are you talking about? This person's lying.
So your word against his. And eventually people, enough people complain about my father.
He wanted to be in court. The attorney general, New York state attorney general, filed suit against him.
And apparently my dad, it was something over like a hundred thousand dollars that, that he took from people back in the eighties, which is equivalent of like 400,000, 500,000 now. And these, all, all these scams do feel like you couldn't pull them off today.
A lot of them. Yeah, you can't now a lot of my dad's scams it's simplicity it's him saying he is somebody and then somebody buying it the AT&T thing the sports illustrated so a lot of people look at certain scams as you know to get into Madison Square Garden I'm gonna have to Jimmy a lock and then slide in through a back door my dad's just gonna walk through that front door because you're gonna give him access a lot of his things are figuring out a way in the most simple way to get in yeah we've i'm ashamed to admit this but like it it wasn't until about two years ago that i realized that con man didn't mean con like you're tricking somebody con means confidence and so if you just do something with enough confidence and you act the part and people just let you we've always said that the easiest way to get into places is if you have a clipboard and maybe like one of those orange day glow vests and earpiece yeah yeah no one's golf cart if you're on a golf cart with a clipboard you can get in anywhere in america but yeah so so your dad was like a very confident person and everything he was doing.
Oh, absolutely. Would he like change his style or was it always like a very assertive, aggressive guy? He was always like, I mean, very assertive.
But, you know, if he was talking to somebody who is like Israeli, he could put on like a Hebrew accent or Russian. He's figuring that out.
French, all of a sudden he could like speak French. So he's a guy so he knew what to say to make certain people like him yeah yeah so he could always figure out something the psychology of it is is so fascinating to me because i've i've dealt with a couple people in my life who are you know i think your dad is probably to the like very far extreme but like i used to have to manage property in my old career and like i dealt with someone who they moved into an apartment and all they made a list of like 300 things to complain about and their whole plan was you can't fix 300 things so i'm just not going to pay rent for three months until you finally kick me out and like they and then i i looked it up after it was like i was very naive i looked it up after the person was in all these court cases and that was their entire thing they just go from apartment to apartment knowing that they could they could live off of people for long enough to then go to the next one yeah they just figure out a way and they just it's like i think there's such a fascinating thing where like most people are trusting and most people want to take people at face value so if you have this sociopathic brain you can take advantage of anyone for sure and now some people are not going to buy your bullshit but for the most part a lot of people are right i mean not everybody think when somebody's talking to you you're thinking that they're going to be telling you the truth right even on the street oh i need you know anyway the directions for this by the way could i have you know five dollars i have no money it's like well now i gave you directions you already had a conversation maybe now i am going to give you five right yeah you know what it's like that was their whole intent but they got you kind of talking or whatever people just figure out a way because they don't think that uh they're going to be lied right and it's like it's it's a it's kind of a scary life hack it's it's actually almost i was thinking about it more because again this podcast is so so good and i i was listening to it all weekend um thank you it's like it's like the people like in homeowners associations who complain and complain and complain and they know that if they complain enough they'll just wear everyone else down right and it's like if you if you're just in like if you just annoy people to a point that they just give up that is like a weird life hack that's a loophole that you can use and it seemed like your dad kind of had that figured out he's like people will eventually give up because i won't yeah yeah i'm not going to give you your furniture because i know that it's going to be a pretty hard for you to figure this out or maybe you don want to put in the time.
So I'm going to get away with this for a while. Right.
But yeah, but back to the confidence thing. Yeah.
My dad, uh, he kind of operated on a thing where, you know, when we're all young, you, you kind of like, I could do this thing. I could, I'm going to sneak into, you know, uh, six flags or something like that.
I'm going to figure something out. But when you get older, you're like, Oh, I don't want to deal with the consequences i think as my dad got older he really just didn't care continue not to care about the consequences right he just had that mentality like i'm gonna go through with this i'm gonna figure out how to how to get by and if i get caught i'm not gonna be embarrassed it just is what it is yeah did he ever get caught in front of you yeah i mean there was one time we were at we were at a diner and I had like a small cut on my hand because there was some glass on the table.
And my dad just went up to, I guess, the manager of this diner and said that my son is bleeding. You know, you should comp our meal.
And I was with a friend at the time. Next thing I know, my dad was getting thrown out of the diner.
So it's these little things where you don't want your father to be doing that. There's no reason for him to ask for a free meal.
And who knows exactly what he said to them. But next thing you know, he's having the cops called on them.
And eventually, he pressed charges against them. And he got more money out of it.
Yeah, it's a complaining thing. If you keep pushing, someone's going to give because they're like i don't want to deal with this exactly that's crazy is there anything that you've you've taken from him that that he taught you either like knowingly or unknowingly that you've been able to use to your advantage like either yeah we're obviously the podcast the stories right right big thing but just like his mannerisms or how he approaches people in a conversation uh i would just say that you know basically how people take you at face value yeah so you could really use that you know to your advantage but you don't want to use it i don't i didn't want to be anything like my dad but in terms of comedy if anything it just taught me you know if you could be if you could be confident uh if you use your your skill set in a positive way you might be able to do something actually with your life as opposed my dad would say that he was a cop he would say that he was a lawyer he'd impersonate these people he would say that he's a photographer and these are things that he all probably could have done on his own if he actually worked hard but he chose not to yeah because he does sound like a very smart guy yeah he was funny too.
So I saw all this, that he had the capabilities of being a different person, but he chose to, he loved lying. He loved conning.
And it seemed that that really brought him joy. Well, as a comedian, it's interesting because that's probably the one line of work where you can't lie about it.
You can't fake it. You can't fake it.
You can fake comedy. In comedy, you can fake a lot of comics you go on stage and you know you're still in front of an audience you have to act more confident than you actually are right so it does play some sort of a role but uh but yeah for the most part there is vulnerability vulnerability and uh i can't even say that word but it's a good one yeah and uh if you're funny you're funny yeah yeah like you can't guess you could steal it in people's jokes.
Yeah, you could say. But there's still some truth in who you are on stage for sure.
Yeah. So now that you're a father, are you worried your son is going to have, if he shows signs of being a con man early? Because it does.
I don't know the actual psychology of it, but it does feel like this is something that some people are just born with where they have that sociopathic like ability to lie and they never relent on their lying yeah i think you know whatever made my dad do it it might have been his upbringing his need to see that he he couldn't afford things and then you know he was like how am i going to get certain, you know, material goods? But in my son's case, I think if you just try and teach them right, hopefully they, and tell them to be honest and say that's not a good way to go about your life, hopefully that they stay clear of that. It's funny because like every kid has moments where they bang their arm on something and then it's a big deal and they act like they're hurt.
It's a perfectly normal thing for a kid to do. Yeah.
But maybe you look at your kid, you're like, oh, no. Yeah, yeah.
Are you really? Yeah. He wakes up the next day and he had neck brace being like, dad, where's our settlement? I'm slipping fall.
You know what my son does now? And I mean, kids are... How old are your kids? Five, three, and one.
i have a four and one year old now and my my four-year-old he'll say sorry about stuff he'll hit his brother and be like i'm so sorry after he does it yeah but he's saying it just so he could you know what else are we gonna be like well you shouldn't do that and he goes i'm sorry no they know it's easy way out it's a very very a very good tactic at manipulating the situation so they so kids have it and it's just it depends how you you kind

of maneuver around it but they're always wrong yeah no it's true my son does the i'll say sorry

if you say sorry and i'm like what the fuck how did you get that and then obviously i'll just be

like yeah i guess i'm sorry yeah so that way we can move on like yeah like yeah yeah my kid will

do that too be like say you're sorry for for raising your voice yeah right yelling i'm like

Thank you. be like yeah i guess i'm sorry yeah so that way we can move on like yeah like yeah yeah my kid will do that too it'll be like say you're sorry for for raising your voice yeah right yelling i'm like yeah exactly i just said don't do that yeah like well that was too loud right yeah fucking yeah the kids kids are little con men right um how bad was it looking back on pictures and seeing your bowl cut oh my god i God.
I would have done anything. That's probably actually why I didn't share the story forever.
I went bald on purpose for that. But that bowl cut is horrendous.
But it was the 90s. Yeah.
And that's what they did. And I had a guy who was cutting my hair.
And I guess he was probably just bored. He just kept on doing it every single time.
I definitely had the had the bowl cut probably too long i probably had it going into 2000 yeah because it's like oh sick you got a picture with mj i know bowl cut i know oh it's terrible so how did how did this end how did you guys decide okay the sports illustrated for kids thing i'm too old for that now i was started getting fed up with all the stuff my dad was lying about he wasn wasn't treating my mom well, my sisters, and myself. And we'd be going to these games lying.
I wanted eventually a real relationship with my father that I saw was nonexistent. I saw all my friends had it.
And I was also getting older. And there was always a chance that I could run into somebody that I knew at the garden, a friend that was there.
So that was always on the back of my mind. And I felt that it was kind of at its course.
So I was about to be probably close to 14 at the time. And I just said, you know, we got to, we just stopped doing it.
And my relationship with my dad was kind of fizzling out. Yeah.
And you, you, you did say the anecdote that you would, when you went there, you would go as your fake press credentials,

but then you would never sit with your dad.

You'd sit by yourself.

So you're nine years old.

Never actually having the father-son experience going to a sporting event with your dad.

You're just sitting by yourself.

Yeah, I would sit in the press area,

or if he found me a seat, I'd be in another part of the arena

where he would be taking pictures on the floor or he would have his camera through the glass. That's crazy.
Yeah. So he would actually take the pictures though.
Cause he was, was he like your photographer? He was my photographer and wouldn't say that he was my father either, which was totally unnecessary. He could have said that he was my father, but I think that he just enjoyed not saying that he was my father and that he was a professional photographer and I was kind of this prodigy kid reporter.
Yeah. Yeah.
I mean, yeah. He's, he sounds like he like got high off the lie where it's just like lying to someone makes you it's, it's, it's wild.
Cause I mean, I think everyone's probably had an experience. We know somebody like that.
Yeah. We know.
So it's like, dude, just tell the truth. It would be so much easier if you just told us the truth instead of lying and then when we say it's a lie you're like well no it's not it's like why are we doing this yeah and i went to uh tons of therapy over over time just to teach myself not to lie i would lie and with my wife about things i don't even need to lie about and then she'd be very upset with it, you know, when I saw Top Gun Maverick, I didn't tell her about it.
And then she was like, you want to go see it? And I'm like, sure. And she's like, you saw it already, right? And I'm like, no.
And she's like, you saw it? I'm like, yes. And then she got so furious with me.
But it was such a pointless lie. Right, no reason to lie.
And in her mind, she's like, if you're lying about that, what else are you lying about? Yeah, Right. Wow.
That's crazy. So have you made a plan for the podcast of all the different storylines you can go down? Are you rediscovering? Are you re-remembering some of these old things? For sure.
It feels like doing the podcast itself might be almost a therapeutic experience. Definitely therapeutic because a lot of the stories I buried.
I had them so far in the back of my mind. I wasn't thinking about it.
And then as a more, I thought, and then I started interviewing different people, but my sisters, and then of course, uh, talking to old people that, that work for my dad and it just brought back tons of old memories. And then just going to therapy, I would be like, Oh my God, we counterfeited money together.
You know, we would get in, he would purposely get in, he would purposely get in Fender benders and then just going to therapy i would be like oh my god we counterfeited money together you know we would get in he would purposely get in he would purposely get in fender benders and then and say you know act like my neck hurts also just so he could collect on an insurance claim so these things you know getting thrown out of that that restaurant these are all things that i completely forgot about uh you know when we would go to a movie theater back when i was i remember five years old the first thing that we would do is I would sneak under the ropes and then he'd go find me. And it's normal.
Who hasn't snuck into a movie theater, but not with your dad. Right.
So, and I didn't think, I knew my childhood was messed up, but I didn't think that it was as messed up because I'll get a response from people and be like, oh my God, I can't believe you went through this. And I was like, oh yeah, I guess my part of part of my childhood you know i missed out on certain things or at least a normal relationship with a parent yeah it's like the stories going to madison square garden sounds very cool and then you're like but it was also with your dad who was supposed to have a relationship with like that's not running cons how i don't understand how he never got arrested yes everything that i've been able to find he never has been arrested and since 1984 he's been involved in that i've been able to find 23 court cases geez and that's just what i've been able to find and these are only the stories that i know and there's got to be so many more that that he has that maybe he'll share uh and you know we'll find out you also told story

he was not in the mafia but he knew mafia guys and would like hang out with them would you would he take you to those places yeah i never went to this place there's a place called wiggles and my dad uh installed their payphone system and had had uh their all their communication was done by his company.

And this strip club, Wiggles,

was owned by this guy, Vinnie Palermo, who was the head of the Decavacanti crime family. And some people say that that's who Tony Soprano is based off of.
And apparently, and this comes from one of my dad's ex-employees, is that he found a bug in their phone. phone and from that point on these guys were completely indebted to him and that's what that's the word that that came from one of my dad's employees and then knowing my father most more than likely he put the bug yeah planted the bug told him that just so he could be on good terms with them false flag he's the hero yeah So it seems i'm not a i'm not a licensed therapist obviously but it seems like a lot of the stuff that um that a con man would do is rooted in deep deep insecurity for themselves yeah like every interaction that you have you have to feel like you're getting one over on somebody like you're smarter than them like you're better for sure these people who are successful you know to everybody else let me feel better than they are yeah i'm better than that guy everyone thinks he's high and mighty tell you what i'm gonna trick him and now i feel good was he ever like that was he tried was he conning you though you my thing with him was i played sports i played baseball and i played hockey and in those senses he would take what I was doing and use it to his advantage if I was playing baseball he would have to be the coach all of a sudden equipment for the team would be missing yeah and and that would be I assume that he was selling it and he was you know responsible for it and the clubhouse that he had access to for a little league in hockey he was hockey basically this is early on where they kind of started having a you teams especially during my age of growing up when in the 90s and he started his own a you hockey team essentially and he would overcharge the parents and i would be playing on these teams i wouldn't deserve to be playing on these teams he would have really great players some guys went on to play d1 and in the NHL as well but he would overcharge their parents and he would make money off of them meanwhile I love playing hockey but then you're hearing parents complaining about your father overcharging them when you know hotels shouldn't cost four hundred dollars it should cost a hundred dollars right yeah and he'd be charging these people and making money off of them and then kind of putting a bad taste in their mouths about him.
And then I'm hearing about it on the bench, of course. It sounds like a lot of complications that you have to deal with as a kid.
Oh, nonstop. And I could see why that relationship would probably get fractured at some point.
So now that you're doing the podcast, you're talking about all these stories stories at some point he's going to hear the podcast right yeah do you think he has already i i don't know i haven't i haven't heard from him since the podcast has come out so as far as i know uh he hasn't unless he's preparing a lawsuit oh that's got to be a concern yeah i mean i maybe that would be season two season two. Do you want- Oh, shit.
Do you want- We probably could get sued. Just having you in here.
Yeah, yeah. I think he's a good guy.
I love him. I don't believe you.
No, that man, he's a stand-up guy. Never done anything.
Never told a lie in his life. Yeah, yeah.
Would you want him to reach out? You know, so, I mean, the way the podcast is going right now is that I- I mean, I tracked him down. I have his phone number.
And that was the episode that just came out today. So the next thing is just to wait and see where we're supposed to meet face-to-face in the podcast.
Okay. Going to the Second Avenue Deli.
Yeah, Jesus. All right, so your comedy career.
So when did it start? What was your first big break? Or was it America's Got Talent? No, first big break was Conan. I did Conan in 2014.
And then that was the first time I was ever on TV. And then the booker at the time, he saw me at a comedy festival in Portland just randomly.
And it was, there's nobody in the room. And fortunately enough, I went on second and he was still in he was still there and I did

well and then I got booked for Conan maybe like a month later that's awesome yeah cool so I always

want to do Conan yeah so you did Conan and then was it from that point on it was like everything

started opening up a little bit then I yeah started opening up started touring more started

headlining and then I got America's Got Talent and then going pretty far in that that helped get an

agent and manager and uh and then some more gigs and then you know fortunately enough Got Talent and then going pretty far in that, that helped get an agent and manager and then some more gigs. And then, you know, fortunately enough, a lot of my friends, they started doing well too.
So guys like Nate and Sam Morrell and guys that I've toured with, Salvocano. So their career is exploding.
Friends help friends in comedy and that's kind of been the best thing, better than any agent or manager. They've been uh definitely a deep part of any type of success that i've got i love that part about comedy where it's like there's little groups and if one of them you know quote unquote makes it to that like big supernova level they kind of bring everyone along for the ride yeah and i didn't know that going in comedy you just you think it's uh very secluded that you're just going to be in isolation all the time writing jokes, but you meet a lot of people who have maybe similar past to you or could at least understand your past, and that's been a cool thing, and then those become your best friends.
Yeah. Has Nate ever sworn around you? Never.
Now do you think of? Yeah, I try getting him every time. Yeah.
He doesn't do it. He won't say damn? No, he told me to not say damn, actually.
Really? Yeah, yeah. He cleaned it up? I was like, damn.
Damn. Is it weird watching Nate with his dad? His dad does shows with him, and it's like he's incredible, very funny.
It's so perfect. And his dad loves the podcast, and he loves the sports stuff.
But it's such a different relationship than I had with my father. They're so close.
He had Nate's dad opens for him, and it's super cool. Are the Knicks back? Oh, my God, yeah.
And especially getting bridges, it's insane. Yeah.
I love it. Villanova Knicks.
Yeah. It's crazy.
None of your sports fandom was diminished at all by any of these things was it for yeah i mean but also the knicks and the rangers had some bad years yeah in the in the 2000s so that kind of affected it so i took a step away from sports especially with my dad as mentioned getting involved in hockey i was like let me just put the the skates down and the stick down in the skates because i couldn't be around ice hockey anymore after by the time i was 17 yeah and then uh and then i'm back in it now yeah you kind of just sports just just warms your heart you love it it draws you back in yeah and especially when you have kids too exactly i want to share these moments completely yeah at the garden especially like these playoffs were just incredible the atmosphere there like i get it i understand why people say Madison Square Garden is like the mecca of basketball. When you see them win a playoff game and they go nuts, it felt pretty special this year.
So, yeah, the Villanova Knicks, they've got like every player from that college. Do you want Jay Wright to coach the team? I mean, if he came back, that would be insane.
But, I mean, right now they're great. I mean, I think coaching is kind of set, but I think that they could definitely make a run.
But other teams are making moves too. Yeah.
It's fun. We lived in New York for seven years, and I hate to admit it, but when you go to a Knicks playoff game, there is a different vibe to it.
And it's better for basketball. If the Knicks are doing well, it's better for basketball.
Same with hockey. If the Rangers are doing well.
Yeah, I mean ESPN just sucks their dick the whole time. Yeah, yeah.
The Pacers weren't even in that series. Right, right.
It was just the Knicks. Yeah.
Brunson is amazing. And I met him at a game and he's such a nice guy.
And you always hear great stories about him. He'll help old people he's a superhero yeah Dante DiVincenzo too he's that that dude seems awesome oh he's super cool that they just seem like cool dude yeah yeah Brunson's helping old people yeah I heard a story that uh like one of Sam's cousins Sam Murrell's cousins said that uh they helped Brunson helped and his uh, I think, or girlfriend, helped their grandparents carrying their groceries.
Sam can't be trusted, though, with the Knicks. I know.
He's just going around just doing guerrilla marketing for them. Yeah, you hear Brunson, he saved a bunch of puppies.
Exactly. Yeah, yeah.
What? Okay, sounds good. What about on the baseball front? Baseball front? I mean, I like the Yankees, but I'm not diehard in any which way.
And I did love baseball at one point. I know you guys are huge baseball guys.
Oh, yeah. Huge.
Big time. Huge.
Are you being facetious? Oh, no. I thought you were.
No. I mean, we just did our – we do a fantasy league called Dingers Only.
Oh, okay. Where we just draft nine players and the only stat is home runs.
Oh, okay. And we start it July 3rd, which is like three months into the season.
Yeah, yeah. And we drafted like half players that were on the reserve.
Yeah, and everyone gets very mad. I mean, baseball to me is always- Oh, because I heard, yeah, what's his name? Christian, you're- Yellish.
Well, we, yeah, it's a whole other issue. I don't know.
We might have to- Nate would not want to hear this story. Yeah, we told him when he was on the Marlins, so before he was hitting a ton of home runs, he was like, I think I could win a home run derby.
We were like, no, you can't. And there was a porn doppelganger of him.
There was a video of a guy who looked exactly like Christian Yelich eating a girl's ass. So we said stupidly, if you ever win the Home Run Derby, we'll eat each other's ass.
And the one year that he – did he win MVP? I think he won MVP that year. He got hurt right before the Derby, so we dodged that.
But I think he's going to be in the Derby this year, so we might have to eat each other's ass. Yeah.
He could end this podcast. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, really stupid. Or make some good money.
People would be into that. But at what cost? Right, right what cost it would just be Bella I don't know if I could look big cat in the eye well you won't have to yeah the brown eye yeah it's gonna be bad that's actually a really bad thing that like is in the back of my head kind of like your dad yeah yeah like just bury it and every now and then it comes up and triggers a memory right and we're like oh fuck we oh, fuck.
We have to get to say that. Go to therapy.
We should actually have a therapist on the show. Like in Billions, how they have Wendy that just sits in the corner.
Oh, yeah. You need somebody.
Yeah. Yeah.
What's the hardest part about comedy? Hardest part. I mean, coming up with new jokes is super hard because you might think you have a new joke.
Then you have to test it on stage and then it might not work. Are you going to able to are you going to use your dad now like because that i might that feels like a treasure trove of material i might i'm definitely you know letting so much out in the podcast so i mean i i do sprinkle it in a little bit in my set right now so we'll see how it goes and as time goes on but uh yeah if there's room for it so you know it's if now that people know the story and then you know if they come to see me that gives it a little bit more weight so that kind of helps yeah the the it must be a weird feeling too now that you're a public figure knowing that all this time your dad probably was still scamming using your name yeah telling people yeah like that's my son that's my son for sure like that's crazy to think about that that's something i was yeah i i've thought about that and you know i had concerns about him even showing up into my life before i went and you know approached him until now which was when my wife and i got married we had to tell security at the wedding venue this is what my father looks like make sure you don't let him in because who knows we're like maybe shows up and dress up as a waiter yeah yeah that would be that would be wild though if you got super super famous most popular stand-up comedian in america and then your dad's out there somewhere telling everyone that's my son and they're like dude stop bullshitting us yeah yeah there's no way that is the root the only real real thing yeah yeah that's that could very well happen yeah maybe i were rooting for

you the uh the so so the whole story and everything coming out have have your friend what is your

friend's reactions been are they like well now i understand you a little more like because my wife

says that now really yeah she's like oh wow you mean you really i mean she knows all this stuff but now just hearing it and you're like,

oh,

you could have went one.

I mean,

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there's, there's, there's, there oh you could have went one i mean there's only one or two ways there's no in the middle you have to you're either going extreme extreme liar or you're gonna be you know i i like to think decently honest you know pretty honest so i try and uh you know tell the truth and and be a good person be a good father because i could have been a bad father and that was kind of what was taught to me but maybe maybe you're being a con man right now i know none of this is true all of it and you've taken all of his lessons that he kind of gave you right but you're just you're taking all made up yeah your dad's actually literally the number one dad yeah it's all in plain sight yeah you. Yeah, you did that as a joke.
It's reverse. So my son could have a podcast.
That would actually be a fantastic ending to the podcast. This has been a con.
Here's my dad. He's a sweetheart.
Yeah. And I just knew that I would get good content out of this.
Right. But I like what you said.
And I thought of that recently, but he exploited me as a kid trying to use me, whether it was sports or going to the games together and getting what he wants out of those lies. And then now it's kind of my turn.
Yeah. Yeah.
You get back in them. Can you take what you've experienced with your dad and are you better at spotting another con man? Oh, yeah, absolutely.
I mean, also the key is just think everybody's lying to you. Yeah.
That's one. Just like that everybody's full of shit and most people most people are i mean you a lot of times you go and you start talking to people if they're at a party people start bragging about they're already they're already lying because you're trying to uh be entertaining you're trying to sound interesting yeah so a lot of a lot of things that people are saying to you are going to be false yeah and it is that like first feeling of oh i just got conned like it does change you where you're like all right now i'm looking at everyone and not like i'm not going to take them fully at face value because i find myself i struggle with that where i i think i'm too trusting of a person sometimes and it's like i could you know you're trusting where the guy when you uh the stella blue coffee last time i was here you're like i'm sending it and you did you said i did yeah yeah oh i didn't even do oh nice fuck yes i did but a lot of times people give you know empty promises and they'll say they're gonna do something and they don't so you know you're my good graces because you kept your word you're an honest man that's probably credits to page who's our office manager who who's fantastic i probably was like hey send him some so she credit to her she did the hard work right but i at least said please send him it happened it happened i want to go back to howie mandel real quick so uh america's got talent how he's a recurring guest on this show interesting guy yeah did he ever he never shook your hand right never shook my i've opened for him too he's had me open for him in ac i bombed too it was not a not a fun crowd to uh perform in front of ac's oh a lot of trash there and uh but he's a good guy howie he's a good guy so i i would assume that doing stand-up comedy for like him and howard stern would be you'd be like thinking in the back of your head like oh fuck this is this is howard stern super cool.
Yeah, Howard Stern was one of the judges on AGT when I was there. And Howie being there.
And you're seeing them because you grew up listening to them and seeing them on TV. And obviously, they're both very famous.
But that is definitely in the back of my mind. But even more so, these shows were live.
They were live. And I'm at Radio City.
So you have a lot going on where you kind of don't even care that it's howie mandel and howard stern yeah yeah backstage it must have been quite a scene though like when i think of america's got talent and the cast that are on there yeah you've got like a guy with seven dogs you've got acrobats dancers oh it's it's uh it was awful that whole the whole whole scene back there, it's very hectic. You're waiting to go on, and then you only have a couple minutes to perform on the show.
And meanwhile, the person before you, on my shows, they would have a singer, and they wouldn't even be singing an original song. On my show, sometimes they do sing original songs, and that's cool.
But when they're not singing an original song and then they're getting a standing ovation to me it's it's karaoke yeah i'm telling her i'm doing my joke right and i wanted to say that to the judges but then you seem like you're a dick yeah but it's true and also going out there you're sometimes the act before you they stink and then it's a cold audience and now you've got two minutes like just jump right into your stand-up routine completely there's no build-up whatsoever for it you just gotta be like okay i gotta be funny within the first like five seconds of being on stage for sure and comedy works better when there's comedy a little bit before you right an audience just needs to start hearing jokes and just getting warmed up so the whole setting is tough but i i whatever the lineup that they had me in it definitely it worked to my advantage somehow was there any reservation of doing america's got talent that it was like not a comics comic move like you're kind of doing this thing where people are going to look at you and be like it's kind of cheap for sure really yeah you in the back of your mind you just don't want to it's kind of an icky feel of you don't want to be associated with it. It's not as cool as a Conan or being in the light of just kind of a cool vibe.
Right, which is a crazy thing to be like, I'd rather grind it out in clubs than have this be on network television in front of me. I guess an advantage is not winning it.
Yeah, true. Then you don't have the label, but you still have, oh, I was on, and you have cool clips.
I still feel like a lot of comics or a lot of people from America's Got Talent have from America's Got Talent after their name. Who's the most famous America's Got Talent person? Jeff Dunham? I don't think he was.
The puppet guy? Was he? Who's the most successful? He brought puppets back. Maybe Gary Veter.
Yeah, maybe. It might be you.
It could be you. most successful america gary veter and manny veter my dad just it'd be funny if it was did they do like a puff piece on you or like a sob story yeah i oh i lied in my in my sob story i said that i had well there are two things i lied about one i said that i had a roommate at the time because i didn't have material yet about uh having a girlfriend we were about to get married so I made up a whole story about having a roommate and and that was my backstory and my roommate was uh was played by a comedian Greg Stone and he was kind of just a piece of garbage and he would steal from me so that was kind of my backstory but my uh I was actually getting married at that time and I didn't want to share that with him because I didn't want them to ruin the wedding.
It was either them or my father that I was thinking was going to ruin my wedding. I don't recognize any of these names.
Terry Fader, he's an impressionist. A lot of these guys, if you win, you get a show in Vegas.
I don't know if they, I'm pretty sure they still do that, but yeah, that name sounds familiar. Yeah, it'd be funny if it was just like, if I was scrolling, it was like Kawhi Leonard.
Yeah, yeah. He just went and dribbled and was like, oh, shit.
The Olate Dogs won in season seven. I remember them, yeah.
Yeah, a bunch of little small white dogs that did all these tricks and jumped through hoops. Matt Franco.
I don't recognize any of these. I was on season 10.
Paul Zerdin. Yeah.
So you lost to a puppeteer. Yeah, puppeteer.
ventriloquist. That's brutal, dude.
Yeah, it was tough. It was really tough.
That's the most tragic thing that's ever happened in your life. Because you try, yeah, I know.
You try, you do, and you try so hard to be funny and this is a set I'm going to be doing and you run it, even though it's two, three minutes that year you're going to be on stage and then, yeah, you lose to a guy who's a ventriloquist. What's also tough about America's Got Talent as a comedian is they've got, don't they have the buzzers, the Xs, if they don't like you? Yeah.
So you can tell one joke, and then you just hear buzzers, and then you have to keep going until they all X you out, right? Oh, completely. And Heidi Klum did not like me whatsoever.
Oh, shit. And she was still pretty attractive back then.
Yeah. And also, I thought know i loved her too growing up so then hearing that you as part of you as a you're you're a kid yeah talking to one of these people that you knew back then you know in your mind and i remember her saying that she didn't like my comedy it hurt but i'm at the and then i'm like screw her she doesn't even know the language yeah yeah good point right you.
You got this. Wasn't Red Panda on America's Got Talent? I don't think so.
Shin Lim was the big winner. I know he's got like a whole act in Vegas.
I feel like that's where she got discovered. Yeah.
Yeah. Season eight, America's Got Talent.
Was Red Panda? Red Panda. That's where she got discovered from.
Yeah. She's the most successful.
She's the most talented person. Yeah.
All right. right i have a couple last questions appreciate you coming by uh everyone go listen to number one dad it's an incredible podcast uh last couple questions roback question rhoback.com promo code take 20 off your first purchase q-zips polos hoodies joggers shorts roback.com promo code take do you think there's going to be a movie or a show out of this right now working on writing up a tv show yeah and uh any cameos oh absolutely podcasting i think i could see you guys in it we're we we are like we strike out on every cameo no but if it was up to me i want to throw in as many of my friends as possible i think it's super cool who are you are you going to play your dad? That'd be cool.
I mean,

maybe,

I mean,

they might need a bigger name or,

or something.

I,

but I would be totally down and I think I could do it.

Yeah.

Sure.

And,

uh,

I think that it would be cool because it could be,

you know,

definitely a nostalgia piece.

So back in the nineties,

maybe,

maybe mix in,

you know,

present day,

especially me being a,

being a father now and stuff like that.

I think it'd be, I think it'd be really cool, but whether it's a tv show or movie i think it has legs for i agree or what about uh so i know that the answer i know probably the answer to this but has there ever been a small part of you that's like let's go to a game and pretend there were someone else yeah you wouldn't want to do it, especially when I had no money.

It's all I was thinking.

I was like, I could go to these games

and I could probably get in and figure out a way.

Yeah.

And I do know how, but it would make me look so bad.

I can't say it.

Yeah.

Think of the worst thing, and that's how I'm getting it.

Oh.

One time I tried to sneak into RFK Stadium. It was the Nationals' first year and it was the fourth of july i was drunk i was shirtless and i uh i went up to the media entrance and i told him i was like yeah you have my name on the list and they're like no we don't what's your name i told him i was michael wilbon and they said no you're not mike wilbon he's black and i was like touche that was my that was my biggest experience but hank our producer he used to sneak into the Boston Garden almost every night.
With butter knife. With a butter knife.
Yeah. There was one door that had a latch on it that you could just go up to and wiggle, get into the garden.
And he, like early Barstool days when the Blackhawks played the Bruins at Stanley Cup and Dave and I went to a bunch of the games and we were looking for tickets for one of the games. Hank was like, we could just butter knife in him.
And dude we can't like do you imagine the look of us like trying to break into the stanley cup right right like he just didn't even think about he's like it'd be no problem we'll just butter knife in i know the door but yeah he used to do that all the time one thing i do agree with your dad on it's fun to sneak in places oh yeah that's very it's a thrill it's a absolutely you have a rush you there's something about. There's something about not paying for something and then getting away with it.
Yeah. And you got to see something that was amazing.
Seeing game seven of the Stanley Cup. I was at Jordan.
The time I met Jordan was at his double nickel game. That's crazy.
So it just winds up being this historic event that I was able to go to completely for free. And you got to interview Jordan one-on-one after? I did.
He was in a private locker room. It was him, Phil Jackson, and a few other assistant coaches.
And then I just went in there. I only asked him what his favorite food was.
I was so freaking nervous that it was Jordan. And, I mean, I couldn't believe that we were able to do that.
Yeah. And that game, the actual Real Sports Illustrated for Kids was there, and this is the only time they were ever at a game.
And it wasn't a kids reporter. It was two adults.
They didn't use kids back then. Wait, what? Yeah, they didn't use kids.
So that was another part. What the fuck? It was scammed up.
It was for kids, not by kids. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, yeah, yeah. But eventually they wound up using kid reporters.
Maybe they got it from my dad. But at the game, we we found out that they were there and my dad went up to them and asked them for their business cards i don't think he led on that we were uh saying that we were sports illustrated for kids but he said whatever to them got their business cards and when it came time at the end of the game to go in security let us in didn't let them in i go and meet michael jordan we're coming out and then they were still trying to get in that's crazy yeah man and not only this i was i found this out because uh we interviewed and we had to cut it for the podcast but i was the last person to interview michael jordan for sports illustrated uh for kids because he didn't take any interviews with sports illustrated they had an article called bag at michael title bag at michael and from then on he said i'm never interviewing with sports illustrated again so you were the only one yeah he let me slide because mine was in 95 and that article came out in like early 95 or 94 and and you weren't even sports illustrated yeah you need to get in touch with mj i know listen your boycott actually stands yeah i didn't actually work for sports right right yeah it still works wait so what was his answer though what's his favorite steak food steak yeah good choice good answer good answer that's a good steak's good yeah um all right well gary thank you man anytime you're in chicago you got to come by definitely appreciate it and uh everyone please go listen to number one daddy i can't recommend it enough it's uh it's like a very nice refreshing change of pace of like it's in the line of a true crime podcast but you don't have to listen to someone getting murdered yeah yeah that's the best yeah might be your elevator maybe my dad did murder somebody and i don't know about it but it you know it's not in the pocket i feel like he i feel like he didn't have that in him like he's just he just gets off on lies i think he's the type of person that he could be a j he'd be adjacent to it Yeah.
he would never have the blood on his hand right right right well thanks so much man and uh best of luck with everything uh going on with this podcast and the show thank you both gary veter is brought to you by body armor this episode is brought to you by body armor sports drink i've got the body armor water right here i've got the body armor right next to it. Both delicious, both real hydration, real ingredients packed with electrolytes, vitamins, nothing artificial.
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Okay, let's wrap up Firefest of the Week. Hank? I have bicep tendonitis in my right arm from hitting dingers.
Wait. Sorry to hear that.
Hold on. Is that bad for golf? It's terrible for golf.
Why? Because I can't really lift my – it hurts to lift my right arm. So the backswing, there's a lot of pain, a lot of pain.
Yeah. I saw you try to eat an ice cream cone today.
And when you couldn't eat an ice cream cone, I knew it was significant. Yeah.
I mean, it's not like, you know, debilitating pain. And I talked to a steam doctor, AKA chiropractor at the office yesterday, and he gave me some exercises to work on it feels better today than yesterday but i keep doing things and and reaching for things and going to like lift things up and just being like ah ah ah so yeah i was trying to eat ice cream and almost uh died here's a good exercise saying put your elbow kind of down at your side bend your arm at 90 degrees lower it a little bit lower your elbow look yeah drop your whole arm a little bit wing it down a little bit no no like this hank look at my arm like that bring it down bring down over to you bend it over to your now start moving your wrist back and forth you don't know what he's gonna do like that there you go that's good he's trying to get you jerk off yeah yeah just do that a lot you'll be fine i'm just searched it that's that's like golfer's elbow is it the same thing as golfer's elbow i don't know is that what it says yeah yeah that's bad so hank when i fucked my elbow up a couple years ago you remember that i had like the the ucl when my my fingers went numb from swinging a golf club um i actually got injected billy football injected those research chemicals into my arm and they worked now the downside to this is you have to let billy football inject you with research chemicals but it worked so the question is how bad do you want to golf we're see i'm just going to ride it out and just hope i wake up tomorrow and i'm fine oh that's the point it's a wait and see approach yeah okay i don't hate that ice heat ice heat is that is that medically advised ice yeah ice heat have you done any of that yeah what's the heat uh like a heating like a i have like a heating pad heating pad for my when i blew my back out a few years ago yeah i'm pretty sure you just have to go ice or you just have to go heat i don't know what ice heat ice heat does well ice is right after you injure it yeah first like 48 hours heat it can be used when you're like if he's like actually gonna go out and play it can help warm up the muscles i don't know if sitting on your couch a heat does much but i'm not a doctor well good luck hang thank you ice is a great choice for the first 72 hours like i said so maybe i am a doctor heat on the other hand helps soothe stiff joints right so i i actually nailed that that's heat is what you do when you want to go play and you want it to feel like warm and good wow yeah i just don't know if you should do both at the same time no no no oh that's hot ice well hot you said ice heat ice heat like ice it and then heating pad yeah okay well good luck thanks i really want you to be happy because i can't take this hank for yeah i'm like i i think we said it would be a shame if he got hurt and couldn't golf now that we're here it is a shame it fucking sucks because i need it's like having a dog like on a rainy day a hype a hyper like leroy yeah you're like blake no no no you're a.
No, like Blake is like that. And he had two elbow injuries.
Yeah, but you- And he couldn't go out and play. And yeah, he was a pain in the ass.
Yeah, and you're stuck inside and you're like, man, I wish I could just get my dog to run around. Yeah.
He would be a lot happier in sleep. We need you to play some golf so you'd be a lot happier in sleep.
I actually have some of his old anxiety medication that I use to keep him calm. Maybe Hank could use some of that oh put a cone on you you'll have to talk to a dog to make sure that it's okay to take so we'll have pug see if you can take that medicine yeah i think it should be fine yeah okay uh my fire fest of the week is i've gone down a rabbit hole and i've got a new hobby because i've gone down a rabbit hole too and i think that the driver uh actually was the one who shot jfk but go ahead oh in like way back in the day yeah well you can bet your ass that it wasn't the story we're being told yeah because the secret service agent said he found that that bullet that bullet dude i watched one video and it looked like the driver turned around.
Either way, I'm down on the rabbit holes.

Go ahead.

Back into the left.

Yeah.

So my rabbit hole is just about growing weed.

Yeah.

So I've been talking to a lot of people about it.

I think I'm going to start growing weed on my rooftop, which is legal.

It's totally legal for personal use.

But they said, I got to go to a store and ask for a clone.

And then when you get the clone, then you can grow it. and then the trick is to harvest it before it gets too mature that way i can get my mids nice my my perfectly average weed nice and then if it does well maybe i'll experiment with it it does well then maybe we get into the the weed business and we sell pm thc i like it What do you guys think about that? I like it.
I've gone down this rabbit hole before.

Uh... the the weed business and we sell pm thc i like it what do you guys think about that i like it i've gone down this rabbit hole before uh the key is when it's you're ready to pluck it it's drying it out so you gotta wait you gotta you gotta wait you gotta dry it properly or else you're just gonna spend months growing weed and then you go to smoke it and it's just wet as hell and pointless yeah so i've heard so i i need to talk to somebody that has experience this my aunt actually grew weed when it became legal in virginia she had her own plants and then she gave me some of it like in bags and it was like the most 1960s yeah ever with like seeds and stuff i don't want that i want i want like just decent weed also i've heard if you're if your friend that you're growing it with wants to like pluck it soon because they really just want to smoke it but it's like if you're supposed to wait an extra couple weeks and you get a lot more yeah just wait okay if my friend tells me that okay what would you say to people who say that you're a drug guy i'm not a drug guy okay uh marijuana is not a drug growing weed it's a nerve it comes from the earth watch this video watch this video is this revel no this is it's no i don't want to watch this.
No, it's fine. This is Reveille.
No, I know. No, it's not.
It's not. It's a nerve.
It comes from the earth. Watch this video.
Watch this video. Is this Ravel? No, this is...
No, I don't want to watch this. No, it's fine.
This is Ravel. No, I know.
No, it's not. It's not 8K.
Look, the driver. The driver turns around.
Bang. Oh! Yeah! I told you, I've been down some rabbit holes.
I unfortunately have gotten into a very bad... I mean, this has to be an edited video.
That video, the guy is holding a gun and scratching him in the head.

There's no way that that is the video.

That is the most edited video of all time.

My algorithm.

He's running with a gun in his hand.

My algorithm is so toxic right now.

That is not.

There's no way.

Yeah.

I clicked on like three things a week ago, and it's gotten crazy.

The internet that I've gotten into is crazy.

So, yeah, I saw this.

And, yeah, now that I think the driver did it.

I'm not.

My mind's still open about this.

Yeah, okay.

I guess JFK's is.

That's fine.

Just click.

Is that too soon?

No.

You're good.

Just click more of those videos, and you'll see it. um yeah it probably is edited you're right hank uh yeah it's so crazy have you guys seen the octopus murders on netflix no so it's a crazy crazy documentary series one part of it is this dude who claims to be cia brings somebody in shows them the video and then uh edits something into it and tells them like this is the video that you haven't seen your entire life and then that person spends the rest of their life not knowing what video is real oh shit drives them nuts now i don't know what's real yeah that's all simulation yeah um okay my hiccup yes hiccup my fire fest on tuesday night uh we hit dingers it was a lot of fun with the boys, but I think I'm officially officially washed because it was one of those things.
I had so much fun being out with the guys. I'm not claiming I was ever a great athlete, but I do think a younger self, I could have probably hit more dingersers and uh it was halfway through the whole

competition and I looked at the leaderboard and it was like me Titus Chief Brandon and I did the math and it was like every guy who's 37 plus and Max obviously played college ball like Max was a fucking beast so I would never thought that I was gonna hit as many dingers as Max but it just dawned on me that it might be time.

I might be washed.

Hank did.

What?

Hank. So I would never thought that I was going to hit as many dingers as Max, but it just dawned on me that it might be time.
I might be washed. Hank did.
What? Hank thought he was going to hit as many as me. I don't understand.
I don't understand. Max, where are you going after Hank right now? No, no, no, no.
This is crazy. This is like, this is good.
I am a competitive person. We are a team.
Max is by far and away the best hitter so i'm i'm striving for something like you want to be the best and in order to be the best you have to beat the best now do it did i think i had any chance of beating max no if we did that a hundred times would i beat him once maybe but like i think you i think you thought you were going to beat him at one point i didn't think i wanted to to beat him. Yeah.
But I never thought I was going to beat him. But I don't think there's anything wrong with like wanting to beat the person who's the best.
Here's the question. Right? I'm not going to lie.
It seems crazy. When Max was up at the plate, were you rooting for him to hit home runs? Yes, because I wanted to leave.
Or were you happy when he didn't hit home runs? I wanted him to hit home runs because I wanted to leave. Was there any point where you were rooting for him to not hit home runs no if it had gotten closer maybe but it so at the beginning when it was close it never no because it took me a couple rounds to get hot there was a point where i was like maybe six or seven behind and i would but i also was my arm was fucked yeah hank was awesome yeah yeah no but i will say like when you came up to me we're like how many did you hit last round and then someone was like are you trying to beat him you're you're like it's keeping me in it it's keeping me in it and then competitive drive kept that like i was kind of like cruising and then you said that i was like all right now i just have to hit a home run so that was good yeah you did you did like iron sharpens iron yes and then i ended up but then people were like i can't believe you want to be max like yes i don't i don't there's nothing against max it wouldn't matter who you know the best person was like why do something if you don't want to try and win it okay no yeah it kept me more involved too i can see both sides many fine people on both sides yeah it was fun it was a lot of fun but i'm so much it was the first time i mean there's been other times but it was the first real time where i was like if i were 10 years younger i feel like i would be hitting more home runs and i like i was maxing out everything i had and it wasn't that good well you didn't have to swing that hard right because there's only 215 feet right you just make decent content no i wasn't maxing out my swings i'm saying I was maxing out the fact that I was tired after four swings.
Right. I think you went the third furthest ball.
But still, I was just not. That actually proves my point even more, that I feel like it was there at some point, and it's just completely gone now.
So that hurts. That hurts.
Shout out Evo. He was a fucking beast.
Yeah, Ebo was a monster. And that's the thing.

I'm not deluding myself to think if I were 25 years old, I hit the fifth.

Fifth.

That's not close enough.

Yeah.

If I were 25 years old, Max would still kick my ass.

Ebo would still kick my ass.

I just think I would personally have performed better.

That school is hilarious.

They put my fucking film school.

Yeah, they put your film school.

Also, Jersey Jerry's just bar stool.

Yeah.

So, yeah, it was a lot of fun.

Thank you for everyone who watched.

Just hitting dingers.

We got to do it again.

We should just do it and not even count it.

I'm down to do it just casually.

Yeah, it was so much fun.

Taking BP rocks. Yeah, it was so much fun.
okay matthew did you get a fire fest yeah okay uh city living uh very new for me okay uh grew up uh my house is a next to a farm your country mouse yeah that's all i know is uh fresh air and nothing else uh so yeah just trying to get like and like trying to get here like a 45 minute walk doesn't seem like that big of a deal to me but when i said that yesterday jerry had a pissy fit when he was like 45 minutes that's a long that's a long walk yeah so i don't know small stuff like that uh there's a bus there's a train there's an uber Yeah Planes, trains, and automobiles. Yeah.
I can't hear you.

It's anxiety-filled.

Just trying to pick which one is best for me at that particular time of day.

So what's your commute like so far?

Can you ride a bike?

I mean, I'm fucking fat, dude.

Sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I also really like the way you're wearing your headphones No one has worn their headphones like that At all I'm sorry Matthew My dad thought about bringing an electric bike But I'm like dude, I live on the fourth floor So I'm just going to bring an electric bike up Four floors every night You're not going to be fat after that But yeah, just yeah just trying to get get around and understand you know get get a feel for my the streets and the environment having roommates is a new thing that's not uh not family uh so that's you know feel like i can't be as comfortable with them are they are they random roommates just random guys yeah yeah they're dudes they're normal like 30 year old guys uh you know normal jobs and stuff uh nine to fives, so kind of can go off of that. But, yeah, I don't know anything.
What do you think? Do you think they like your vibe so far? Do they like Barstool? Dude, I don't know anything about these people. You don't see them? I saw the one guy.
He leaves today, and the other guy I haven't seen. And it was just different times.
Different times. You know, I hear him.
I got home yesterday at midnight. I heard somebody come home at 2 in the morning.
Oh. But I was the guy leaving today so then i heard another guy there today at like 6 a.m and then he left but i heard somebody else in there so i don't know who there could be 13 people in that back all week i don't know but i know there was one person in that front bedroom and that's me are you sharing a bathroom yeah yeah one shared bathroom again haven even run into them.
So it's been perfect timing every time. All right.
That's a good fire fest. Wait, did you try to walk? Did you try to do the 45 minutes? No, I do plan on that.
That's a weekend trip. I'm thinking I'm just going to make sure to do it on a weekend day, make sure I kind of get the route, kind of get a feel for it.
You're going to take a dry run on a weekend. Yeah, just take two hours, take two hours.
Well, Matthew, when you're here late, I'll take care of your Ubers, okay?

So when you're here, like, you know, past dinner time, we'll talk and I'll make sure

that you can take an Uber home.

Okay.

That sounds good.

Thank you very much.

You don't need to take a bus at midnight.

Yeah.

Well, yeah.

Yeah.

Is that what you did last night?

No, I took a...

No, Meems drove me home last night.

Oh.

Yeah.

So that was fun.

Yeah, that was fun.

What was that conversation like? I mean... Was there one? Yeah, there was.
We had about 40 to 70 words said. Okay.
Yeah, it was nice. It was a quick drive.
It was, you know, we didn't have time to get into it. Yeah.
But yeah, great guy. What did Memes say? What did he lead off with? You know, just, you know, asking the simple questions, you know.
How was the day? day everything good you know you know don't don't worry too much everything's gonna be all right you know just get i'm a little stressed out it's a lot so yeah everyone's been awesome okay yeah just be like if you start to to post online and you get a lot of traction and maybe you're really good with social media just don't take take any more rides from memes. He also has experience coaching.

Because he will take you out.

You're a coach?

Yeah.

I forgot about this.

Three years.

For what?

Defensive coordinator.

Middle school.

Okay.

Yeah, we went, what was our four?

I think we got like eight wins, three seasons.

Total.

Yeah.

And you came at me for my coaching? Hey, man, I got 12 my hand you got grown men you know i got kids i got kids trying to live dreams so what were what was the most complex uh defense you were running oh i mean stack the box very similar to coach doug's four plays okay all right we had an alabama and a michigan and that was just blitz up the middle or blitz on the outside. Okay.
So, you know, just switch it up every now and again. And middle meant Michigan.
So, you know, middle, you know. Just keep it simple for these kids.
Yeah. One kid I coached, his name was Marquise Johnson.
He's a third-string receiver right now at the University of Missouri. Whoa.
Yeah, literally knew him when he couldn't even tackle,

and now he's, you know, catching balls down the field.

Do you think he would recognize you?

Yeah, I mean, I haven't changed much.

Yeah?

I only lost six pounds since.

Six pounds, that's big.

I didn't gain a single one.

All right. All right, numbers.

Matthew, pick first.

Go ahead.

42.

20. 56.
8., pick first. Go ahead.
42. 20.

56.

8.

He's going to get it.

40.

That was so funny.

What was your number?

99.

Pug.

56, Matthew?

No.

21.

42.

42.

47.

Oh, my God.

I thought that was it.

That was incredible.

That would have been unbelievable.

Love you guys. Shining away I'll be coming for your love I'll be coming for your love

Take me

Take me

Take me

Take me

Take me

Take me

Take me

Take me

Take me Take. Take me on.
I'll be gone. Leave it to your dreams.
Stop the same days in love. Just stay my life away.
You are the things I've got to remember. You're shining away.
I'll be coming for you anyway. Take on me.
Take on me.