Nate Bargatze In Studio, Zach Wilson Disaster Class, CFB And The Return Of Guys On Chicks

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
On today's Pardon My Take, we have the very, very funny Nate Bargatze. He is in studio.
We did this interview on Sunday morning. Credit to us for coming in on Sunday morning.
Yes. Awesome, awesome interview.
One of the like best dudes out there had a great time with him. Uh, he's got a podcast.
He's on tour all the time. Go check them out.
We're going to talk some college football, college football Wednesdays. We have a Jets discussion that needs to be had with one producer named memes.
We're going to do some hot seat, cool throne in the return of guys on chicks guys on chicks officially back it's ever had one of those days when it's just too cold to keep working nah neither has ariot ariot work jackets and boots are packed with all the cold stopping waterproof protection you need to get the job done under any conditions so you can take any job out there and always deliver. Check out Ariat in your local

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The number one spot podcast on the charts and in your heart. Welcome to Pardon My Take.
Today is Wednesday, November 8th, and my God, they gotta to stop putting Zach Wilson in primetime games. Mr.
Fourth Quarter, he had a nice drive at the end of the game. It was awesome when Troy Aikman was like, now this is where Zach Wilson really comes alive on that last drive when they're down.
Was it 27-6 at the time? Yeah, no points, which hurt people who bet the over, which would have been a very lucky over. That was one of the most frustrating games to watch because the Jets defense is as legit as legit comes they dominated that game from a defensive standpoint and I know Zach Wilson has no offensive line Zach Wilson might be my favorite guy taking sacks because when he takes a sack he really he doesn't go half measure he's not like oh I'll just take this little sack here, this little five-yard sack.
No, no, no. He's like, how far back can I get before I take this sack? How can I make sure that even – there's a theory floating out there that Zach Wilson takes such great third-down sacks so that there's never even a doubt of going for it so he can get off the field.
Yeah, there's also the theory the jets offensive line is so bad that it doesn't matter who they have at quarterback where it could be honestly i think if they had josh dobbs at quarterback they could figure it out josh dobbs with zero practice reps is probably a better fit for that offense than zach wilson is um he he looks confused in the middle of plays like after he takes his drop and he looks somewhat competent as he goes back there and then uh as soon as anything off schedule starts to happen he looks like he had never run that play before and he has no idea what his receivers are doing what his offensive line is doing troy i love it when troy aikman gets frustrated at players yes like during the games because he he actually does not hide his disgust for it and um you know who does hide disgust for it? Who? His memes. Yeah.
Because memes just goes radio silent when the Jets are playing poorly. He lost the password to our Twitter account.
Pardon my take Twitter account for anyone who's looking for updates of Monday Night Football. Sorry, there were none last night.
It's okay. It's not like there was a huge upset in basketball going on.
Once in generation upset. He lost the password.
That's fine. He lost the password.
I understand. I'm not blaming gonna blame hank oh so wi-fi your phone doesn't work yeah no oh it's connected to what that's too bad you don't have cell service hank is doesn't work pay for your phone bill no it doesn't oh well it should but hank aren't you memes his boss i am so how how does memes lose the password he never reached out and and ran ran that up the chain either i would have been happy to facilitate getting him a password replacement as a boss does not that doesn't set off red flags that there's no tweeting going on during monday football or during the aforementioned college basketball upset it does we mentioned it to him and he just didn't respond hank was also busy because he was working on his lighthouse presentation which is coming out today yeah we'll get to that'll get to that in Hot Seat, Cool Throne.
Oh, I thought. Okay, all right.
We'll get to it on Hot Seat, Cool Throne. So memes.
We also had someone who tries to hide their disgust for Zach Wilson but does a really bad job of it is Robert Salah. After the game, he had one of the meanest quotes you can say about someone after Zach Wilson had a horrific Monday night.

Again, their offensive line is bad.

We're not going to say it's all on Zach Wilson.

He just loves to run backwards and find a way to just get maximum amount of negative yards.

But Robert Salah said after the game, I'm not going to say it was even close to Zach Wilson's worst game, which is so mean.

I actually agree with that.

It is, but it's true.

I don't know. said after the game, I'm not going to say it was even close to Zach Wilson's worst game, which is so mean.
I actually agree with that. It is, but it's true.
It's also so mean to be like, what you guys just watched was really bad. He's been way worse.
Way worse. It's true, but it's a very mean truth.
It's such a mean thing. It's an insult analysis.
Yeah. So memes.
Do you still think the Jets are the best team in the NFC? The NFC standings took a hit this week. The Jets play in the AFC, by the way.
Yeah. For anyone who doesn't know.
NFC standings took a hit. I put Lions one, Jets two, 49ers three, Seahawks four, Eagles five.
Okay. You know ball memes.
So where are you at, memes? Because this is the most frustrating team to watch I've been here before. Having a defense as good as the Jets' defense and then having nothing to show on offense will make you just not want to be a sports fan anymore.
The Jets won that game. That was a very winnable game defensively and what they did to the Chargers, but they just couldn't muster anything in terms of offense.
Yeah, and the worst part is that was probably the most important game of the season. Oh.
So going into the game, if they would have won, their playoff chance goes to 66%. Now that they lost, it goes to 33%.

It's a big hit.

It's a 50% drop, basically.

The Chargers beat you 27-6, and they had 191 total yards of offense.

Yeah, it's not a good Chargers team either.

No, it's not.

No, they did just beat you.

No, that's not saying much.

Mims, do you think that if you took USC's offense and put the Jets' defense on the team, do you think that they could beat the Chargers? Yeah, by 50. By 50? 50! Wow.
Wait, but it'd be USC's offensive line. Yeah.
That's fine. Okay.
If you're a Jets fan, your Super Bowl every single week is the same thing, and that's getting to watch Aaron Rodgers throw a couple passes and warm-ups and being like, well, when he comes back. You know what's a really good recipe for success? When you take like a 40-year-old quarterback that has one ankle and then you put him behind that offensive line.
I think that's going to end up well for everybody. And Aaron Rodgers, I've tried to make my peace with him.
I think I've done a good job this year it helps that he hasn't been playing I mean what what's he doing we criticized Russell Wilson for it, Aaron Rodgers is doing the same thing Monday Night Football comes around, Sunday Night Football comes around, he hops on a plane, goes to New York throws a ball around on the field just so that every camera in the world can catch him and be like whoa, this is crazy is he not with the with the team? Because I've been hearing stories about him being in meetings. Oh, he might be back with the team now.
But either way, it's just like every single game. You don't have to throw the passes before the game.
He's not taking simulated fist bumps running out onto the field, though. But there's no reason for him to stand on the field throwing passes just so that all the cameras can be like, Aaron Rodgers, look at him, he's throwing passes.
So my theory about Aaron Rodgers is he's a troll. He loves trolls.
He loves fucking with the media a little bit, right? I don't think that he's going to come back in a couple weeks. I think he's doing this knowing that the media will see him on TV and talk about Aaron Rodgers coming back.
Yeah. And he's doing it to fuck with everybody.
I don't... There might be an outside, outside chance that if the Jets make the playoffs he's back and I'm I'm saying this as somebody I did put a bet on Aaron Rodgers to win comeback player of the year which was plus 10,000 so I think I win I win $10,000 I put 100 bucks on it so I'm hoping that happens but I think he's fucking with us a little bit I so I think he's fucking with us he did say after the game, who is he talking to? Derwin James.
He's like, I'll be back in a few weeks. And he didn't cover his mouth.
Most of the time players cover their mouths. There also is the theory.
I saw one of the Levitard guys threw this out there that is a good theory that maybe he never tore his Achilles. Oh, at all? And he's just doing this to prove that modern medicine is Fugazi, and he just didn't tear his Achilles.
He had maybe a bad ankle injury. I like that theory.
He did a fake... He was actually in a green screen studio with the picture of him in surgery.
It was where they taped the moon landing. Stanley Kubrick field it.
Yeah. I mean, there's only one guy that this theory actually would give me.
I wouldn't be like, no chance that's true. It's Aaron Rodgers.
You couldn't do this theory for Kirk Cousins. No.
You could do this theory for Aaron Rodgers. Although we saw his calf.
We saw his calf rupture. It was like the KD thing.
So he got the same type of surgery, right? The speed bridge? Yeah. What's his name? He's bionic.
Yeah, Georgia. Brock Bowers had.
No, Brock Bowers had an ankle injury. He had the zip tie put in his ankle.
I thought that was also a speed bridge. I know it was a different injury, obviously.
That's the Alabama ankle, the TUA thing, where they're like, oh, you have a really bad sprain. Let me just zip tie your ankle together.
The doctor actually just takes you into the surgery room and just rubs some dirt on your ankle. You're going to get back out there.
But I don't think he's as close to coming back, especially if you see that offensive line. Why would you come back off the most major surgery you can have and then agree to play back there? Right.
He's throwing the ball. He's not running around running for his life, which he'd have to do.
It would be a great story. I'm rooting for him to come back.
As a reformed Aaron Rodgers fan or former hater, now fan, I'm rooting for him to come back. I just think that, you know, it's a little much every single Sunday or Monday being like, do you see this pass? I think they should have him just run out onto the field with the american flag before every game oh that was what means was that means that his password to his account yeah because he did tweet this was cool uh and it was just a video of aaron rogers coming out on the field so his wi-fi worked for that that should be his job for the rest of the year.
Just get the people amped up. Memes.
He's giving Max the death stare for not turning his mic. Yeah, Max forgot to push the button again.
Memes is such a dick. He's such a dick.
He's such a dick. That was fucking mics off.
This is great though because it's really like memes cares a lot about the jets and uh he's acting accordingly going radio silent being a dick to everyone this is how people should cope with their team coming to the realization that you're wasting an all-time defense on uh zach wilson i just wish that the jets would would make it fun at least you know and we get them them again Sunday night. Great.
We need to see them do something that's entertaining. We threw out all the best names as quarterbacks that should step in on a week-to-week basis.
Can you imagine how funny it would be watching Carson Wentz behind that offensive line? Why not? You want to talk about a guy running for his life and completely losing it in the backfield. Carson went to be so funny.

He'd break both ankles again.

We have, yeah, so the upcoming standalone games is the true sicko hour.

It's like we're testing our metal as sports fans because you have to remind yourself that in May you would kill for these games.

But we have Thursday night Bears Panthers, Sunday morning in Germany

Colts Patriots, Sunday night Raidersiders Jets Monday night Broncos Bills Broncos Bills. Broncos Bills might be kind of fun.
Yeah, it's it's it is really going to like you sure you love football. Watch every single one of these standalone games.
Then we can tell you that you love football. I do love football.
I do too. I will watching we would if i read that same list to you in july you'd be like give it to me right now i can talk myself into anything yeah now i might i might watch the morning game in germany like from bed and maybe take a take a snooze at halftime yeah and might not be like totally focusing on that but uh the jets just don't give us the jets in Jets in prime time anymore, please.
I'm begging you. The last one that they have Black Friday game, which we also have college football on that day, so you can at least have something else to watch.
The Jets were not playing football last night. It was not a football game.
Me? No, and then I'm on uh then when they're playing that bad i just don't know why they just don't give the ball to breeze hall like a thousand times and then they put dalvin cook in who does nothing so breeze hall does good put dalvin cook in does absolutely nothing they should cut him i hate dalvin cook oh recurring guest yeah no i'm done with the dal Cook experiment. Brees Hall.
Do you think it has anything to do with maybe the grotesque offensive line he's run behind and the fact that they know they can't pass? Yeah. No, you can still get downfield.
You can still run. Yeah, you can still run.
You can still run. Running backs run.
That is true. Good analysis backs do run uh what so where overall memes final thoughts i think the season's over okay wow that was really quick they went from being the one seed in the nfc to season over overnight i mean the zach wilson roller coaster ride is just you want to get off you're you've you've puked all over yourself so many times, and it's like a carny with like three teeth that just keeps hitting it even harder.
Like, hey, oh, you're puking? Well, I'm not letting you get off my ride. That's what's happening.
It's Iowa football. You saw the punt return touchdown last night, and you're just like, all right, the game's over.
Well, no, no, no, no, no. Iowa would never give up a punt return.
You're right, You're right. Their special teams is elite.
But still, to my point, punt return, touchdown, game is over, and then you just have to watch four quarters of shit. Yeah.
At least it seemed like the game went by pretty quick last night. Did I just make that up or did it end pretty early? Yeah, it did.
It felt like it went by a good brisque. No, that game took forever.
No, I thought it was fun. No.
All right. So before we do college football, we should also mention last night, JMU.
Yes. I don't know if you had it on your hot seat, cool thrown, but I figured they deserve the beginning of the show.
They do have a basketball team. Hank, we talked about it on Monday's show.
And I said, yeah, they're playing against Michigan State. And you're like, ew, gross.
You're going to get your ass kicked. Well, it turns out it was going to be my hot seat.
My hot seat was going to be Tom Izzo. Sorry.
Back on the hot seat. I figured GMU deserves the beginning of the show.
I appreciate that. I appreciate the acknowledgement for the University of Virginia, JMU.
Tom Izzo, we put him on the hot seat as a take that we were squatting on, or at least I did back in 2016. I don't want to lump you guys into my bad take.
No, I think I've been like, let's just say I haven't been pushing back. Yes.
Yeah. So it was 2016.
I don't totally agree, but I'm not like, PFT, you're crazy. It was 2016, and Tom Izzo was still very much, and still very much is, a great basketball coach.
Yeah. But I knew that at some point, the Final Fours weren't going to come at a rapid enough basis for people to be like, oh, Izzo is still the greatest coach in college basketball.
And so we just squatted on a take and said, Tom Izzo is overrated. We don't actually believe it now, but just wait because the conversation is going to happen.
We want to be the first ones to say it. Now, I'm starting to believe it a little bit.
Here's some fun stats about the game last night. You ready for this? Yeah.
Michigan State is the first top five team to lose its season opener

against an unranked opponent since two. Here's some fun stats about the game last night.
You ready for this? Yeah. Michigan State is the first top five team to lose its season opener

against an unranked opponent since 2005.

Do you know who lost that game?

Who?

It was also Michigan State.

Who?

Who lost to Hawaii.

This is a bye game, too.

They paid JMU to come and play basketball.

Yeah, we cucked them.

They paid for their friends.

Tom Izzard sat in the corner and touched his tiny little penis

while JMU just dunked all over his court.

It was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I like it.

I like watching you do that to my court.

I feel like... They paid for their friends.
They cut James. Tom Izzard sat in the corner and touch his tiny little penis.
Well, Jamie, you just dunked all over his court was like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I like it.

I like watching you do that to my court.

I feel like Tom Izzo might have a hog.

You think so?

He's a little guy.

I know.

He's Italian.

I think he may.

Italian, Italian stallion.

He might have used to have a hog.

Yeah.

But I don't know.

I've seen him like, you know, wrap his hands around his players throats before.

It looks like he's got some experience gripping wide shafts. James Madison beat them 79-76.
It's Michigan State's first November home loss since 1986. Long time.
It's also JMU's first win against a ranked opponent since 1992 when we beat Jason Kidd. I think they were ranked number 19 in the country.
And it was Lefty Drizell as our head coach at the time. Yeah, it's very cool.
JMU's a good team. They're a good basketball team.
I think they're picked by the coaches to finish first at the Sun Belt. They've got some good players.
I will say that Michigan State probably won't shoot as poorly as they did last night. One for 20.
One for 20 from three. And 14 free throws missed.
Yeah, the first half, they missed everything. The refs, by the way.
Refs and the announcers, both of them. Trying very hard to get Michigan State to win that game.
They tried so hard. They should be arrested.
It should be investigated. I think that there's some funny stuff going on up in East Lansing.
But, yeah, they also, you know, J.M., you played them tough. And I don't think Michigan State's going to play that poorly.
They'll probably be fine. But if you beat the number four team in the country, Big Cat, in their own stadium.
Yeah, you should be number four. You should be number four in the country.
Yeah, you should get to keep it. JMU should be right.
It's a big. You walk away with that ranking.
It's a big year for JMU sports. Not only are we in line for a New Year's Six Bowl, potentially, if the NCAA completely changes their mind about everything.
They always do. Also, we're 1-0 in basketball with a huge win.
And our soccer team just beat the number one team in the country, UCF. Look at that.
Duke Dogs, baby. Duke Dogs.
Yeah, JMU should be the number four team, and Michigan State should be picked to win the Sun Belt. Agreed.
They should be swapped. Fully swapped.
I think that's fine. Yeah.
Did you see the wild meter part of the game? Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Matt Buckland, JMU assistant coach, is the nephew of Tom Izzo. Whoa.
That is wild. That is wild.
Opening night. Uncle Tom's cabin is going to be pretty empty around Thanksgiving.
Damn. Wow.
Wild meter. Big time wild meter.
It was great to have college basketball back. When you were rattling off all that stuff about Izzo, is Tom Izzo Aaron Rodgers? And Aaron Rodgers Tom Izzo? Izzo yeah I think so they win one early have some moderate you know some success final fours NFC championship games win one early enough that everyone talks about you in this status in this tier that you don't belong yeah and also it helps that he's he's like best friends with coach K yeah and Jim Bayheim everyone's like K and Izzo, like they just win championships.
They've won six together. Yeah, they go out together as a crew, and it's like between them, they've got 10 championships.
Right, right. Green teams, both in the Midwest.
Yeah. Yeah, good point.
I think Izzo probably still hasn't called off practice yet. They probably stayed at the gym and practiced for about 10 hours

last night probably has them shooting foul shots he's gonna he's gonna use this as motivation no this loss was good they'll make a run and i think michigan state's going to be a pretty good team yeah they so the the one thing that you can go to if you're a michigan state fan uh because you obviously spent all football season saying wait till basketball season then basketball season started and you lost to JMU at home. The 2000 national title team lost to Wright State in the non-conference and 11 and 17 Wright State.
So those are the mental gymnastics you just have to do right now. This is a good wake-up call for that program.
Yeah. I think they played Duke next week at the United Center.
Here in Chicago, yeah. I also think that now that Boeheim is in the media, he's going to be gassing up Izzo.
Did you see that one guy at the Carrier Dome? I love that guy. So there was a guy at the Carrier Dome that said, Syracuse alum, first game since 1975.
First game back since 1975, Jim Boeheim started his coaching in 1976. He just hates Jim Boeheim.
I respect the hell out of it. That's a, I mean, imagine, because like the guy was, he was an alum, old, and like imagine holding onto a grudge knowing that you might not, he might outlive you.
Yeah. Like Jim Boeheim might still coach and you'll be dead and you just outlive that grudge.
No, that guy, that's the best moment he ever had. And he had a necklace, the necklace with a sign on it was so good that guy probably hates his own defense he loves man to man he's like thank god that guy's going i can't watch that shit anymore he he he follows all safety protocols when driving a car that kind of stuff yep yeah i don't know in the red autry era oh and one against the spread all that matters sorry all that matters you should you should win by more than 14 if you're syracuse playing who they play hampshire new hampshire yeah you should win by more than 14 uh okay let's get some college football i used to think that sandwiches were just you know basic until i realized how easy it is to level them way up it's all about starting with the best ingredients lately i've been obsessed with this sandwich.
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Boys, the monster is back. The monster is back.
Alabama. We all wrote him off.
The monster is officially back. Alabama is all the way back uh Jalen Milrow has figured it out he's actually been phenomenal since he got benched uh it was the Texas game then he got benched I think for the USF game and now he's back and Tommy Reese and Jalen Milrow have figured this thing out.
He is playing out of this world good.

63% passing, I think, the last five games.

Seven touchdowns, only two interceptions,

seven rushing touchdowns on top of that.

He has a stat.

In the last five games, Jalen Milrow is 25 of 40 for passes of at least 15 air yards

for 764 yards and 11 touchdowns.

Yeah, their offense is so fun to watch

because I don't think they

really trust them with an intermediate passing game no they just have them do like dump offs

they'll have them do wide receiver screens bubble screens and then they're like you know what fuck

it jalen just throw it deep because he's got a great deep ball and he's also able to run the

ball he ran over harold perkins yeah he like put harold perkins in the ground he also made a couple

plays so saturday night was just like pure college football ecstasy when we had lsu alabama and then

Thank you. Like put Harold Perkins in the ground.
He also made a couple plays. So Saturday night was just like pure college football ecstasy when we had LSU, Alabama, and then at the same time, Washington versus USC.
And it was four quarterbacks just playing out of their minds. Like just every single minute you look back and it's either Jaden Daniels or Jalen Milrow or Michael Penix or Caleb Williams making an incredible play.
But Jalen Milrow, that move he makes where he looks like he's not going to run and then he just hits the turbos and everyone is caught standing in place. He had that one touchdown run where he rolled right and he kept his shoulders cocked for a throw and all the LSU players just stood in place and And then he just hit the, like this little tiny hole for a 15 yard touchdown.
It's incredible watching him play football because he was so bad in that Texas game and the start of the season. And I was at that Texas game and Alabama fans were like, how are we going to be able to figure this out? I think, I think our take was right from, from September.
I think this is Nick Saban's best coaching job. I think think he would he would agree with that because what they've done with jalen milro like his ability now they're they're playing to his strengths he's able to get outside the pocket they're not making him a pocket passer alabama i mean it's it feels like destiny that they're gonna they're gonna play georgia in the sec championship they could beat georgia and if they beat georgia both of those teams get into the college football playoff, I think.
Now it's going to get interesting because you can make the argument like what happens with Michigan and Ohio state. And then you got Florida state as well.
I think Michigan, Ohio state's an elimination game. You think so? Yeah.
The only, it depends what happens this weekend with Penn state. The only way, if they're, if they're both undefeated in that game, the only way that it's not an elimination game is if other teams catch a couple losses so like Florida State loses if Texas loses again and Michigan beats Ohio State close Ohio State could find a way to sneak in essentially what happened last year you know it's gonna be funny though because Texas has a very good possibility they could drop an easy one to like TCU or something but they go to TCU then they go to iowa state yeah be tough yeah so they it's by no means like a gimme schedule for them but if they end up with one loss and alabama ends up with one loss but alabama beat georgia it's texas then texas gets left out even though texas's best win is over alabama who has the best win over ge.
I think they would put, as crazy as it sounds,

to not have any SEC teams in the Final Four,

if you had Florida State undefeated,

if you had Michigan undefeated, and Texas.

Actually, what they'd probably do is keep out the Pac-12.

That's what they would do.

They'd put Texas and Alabama in.

If Washington goes undefeated?

Yeah, I guess Washington could still go undefeated.

Yeah, so I think they'd put Texas in over Alabama, though.

You can't have, I mean, head-to-head has to count. But yeah, it does to people that make sense and think logically,

but to the people that are so invested in college football

and have had Alabama around for so long as part of this national juggerna I think I do think that if Alabama beats Georgia in the SEC championship game they would get in over Texas even though Texas beat them I don't because Texas lost because you can flip that coin this is what's so funny about these arguments is you can flip the coin say well Texas lost to Oklahoma who might stink now Alabama's loss was to a really really good Texas team a Texas team so good that they might even be better than Alabama yeah the only problem is the Alabama so right now Texas is in front of Alabama I believe and yeah I mean the Georgia win would maybe push them what's what's so funny is I love this time of year because we we play out all these hypotheticals it will all get figured out I think there will be losses that we don't see coming that will happen it will be like holy shit i guess that eliminates that team um it could be you know washington loses then oregon catches a loss and oregon beats washington in the pack 12 championship something like that uh or like you said michigan maybe lose to penn state and all this is like what are we even talking about it's funny's funny, though, because we go through all these hypotheticals. And the thing that I would bet on more than anything is chaos around the country, Alabama beating Georgia, and then both of them getting in.
Yeah, that's that. We spent all season being like, what if the SEC doesn't get anyone in? No, that's right.
And it's like, no, maybe they get they get two teams as always. That's's what I'm saying I think that I think we're going to end up with Georgia and Alabama in the final four I could be wrong I do think that Michigan is going to smoke Penn State sorry Max it just depends on if there's there's undefeated teams you can't put a one loss team over an undefeated team I just won't happen I agree I think that I think Penn State their defense is really really good Max I want to start by paying you a compliment.
Penn State's defense is as good as probably almost any team

that I've seen this year, but their offense is just –

it's Jets caliber.

Yeah.

Not – yeah.

Yeah.

Okay, thank you.

Drew Aller could be good, but I will be at Penn State,

Michigan this weekend.

So there's definitely a lose.

No, I think that means that.

That's a point for why they're going to win?

Well, I'm due.

Okay.

Yeah, I mean, but you've been due for a while.

You're like 10 months pregnant.

It's also the regular season.

You do good there.

Which.

Yeah, that's true.

Nah, college football is different.

College football is different.

It's like every game is a playoff game in college football.

Are we going to miss that next year? No. The fact that there's going to be a 12-team playoff, and so if you have two losses that would normally completely sink your season, are we going to miss how much each game means? No, because games will still matter a lot when you have buys and home games.
Right. The buys are going to be huge.
Think about it. like a team like lsu with jayden daniels who's having a heisman caliber season but his defense sucks could still be playing for a playoff spot right now even with three losses so i think it's gonna i know i know that people make the argument like oh it diminishes the regular season we're just gonna shift and the teams eight through 12 when have one or two losses, we're going to still be playing for a lot.
Like Penn state would still be playing for them to get in the college football playoff. Oklahoma would somehow still be alive on an outside chance.
Like all these teams would still have a chance. So I think it will be better.
It's going to make Arizona should get a cut talk. Arizona has been awesome.
It's going to make it more like a normal sport where like you're allowed to lose a game occasionally. It doesn't mean that you suck.
But I still think the importance of like the not catching that second loss will still be very, very important because of buys and home field. You know, if they figure it out, I can't remember what the setup is.
I think it's the first round goes home field. So that will like the difference between one loss and two losses could be a home game versus not which it matters greatly in college football home games yeah so i yeah i think it will still be fun i wish we had a 12 team playoff this year because there is a ton of parity the the craziest thing about alabama and if you go by this theory which makes sense you look at basically ari Wasserman, who works at the Athletic.
It's a very common sense theory, but he actually put a tag to it a few years ago. And so once you put a good name on it, it basically everyone, it becomes mainstream.
The stars matter theory, which makes perfect sense, like having good players matter. And if you look at the recruiting profile of national title teams uh it's essentially like you have to be at a certain threshold to win a national title you have to have the dudes to win a national title and the only three teams that are in that like like upper upper echelon are ohio state georgia and alabama so you just let alabama who could very well win a national title the dudes they have, back into the conversation.
Dudes matter. Stars matter.
Dudes matter. Michigan, obviously, is a very good profile.
Fight back against toxic femininity out there. Yeah, but it's the TCU last year.
TCU had an incredible run, but if you look at their recruiting profile, it's like there's no chance they can beat Georgia. Yeah.
And there was no chance they were completely outsized.

They shouldn't have beaten Michigan.

Yeah.

But coaching matters to Big Cat.

Yeah.

That's the one thing.

Stealing signs matter.

So let's talk about that.

The latest update on Connor Stallions.

He quit.

Resigned.

Yeah, he resigned.

He resigned.

Ride or die guy.

I think there's never been a guy that I'm more sure that will not snitch than Conor Stallions. Kept his mouth shut.
Kept his mouth shut. Now we're in a weird spot where the Big Ten, and as a member of the Big Ten, I can say this, are being a bunch of crybabies.
So Michigan did cheat. They probably should get some kind of, you know, suspension or something.
But this whole like anonymous meetings of all the Big Ten coaches and ADs and being like Jim Harbaugh should be disbanded. That's fucking crybaby shit.
You haven't beaten him in two years. Don't put your name on it.
You know what I mean? Like if you want to say that Jim Harbaugh should not be coaching right now, put your name on it. Don't do the anonymous source shit.
Say, come out. A coach should come out and say he should not be coaching right now because then I think all coaches are probably scared because then they open up Pandora's box of what are they doing in the gray area.
So anytime there's like, oh, yeah, all the teams met and we don't have anyone on record, but they all think that Michigan should never play football again. Shut up.
And I love babies. I love all the extra wrinkles that are coming out about how people are speculating that's Ryan Day's brother.
Yep. Who is a CIA member who was in charge of the investigation.
Fourth and one investigation. And apparently whoever.
Is that the name of it? Yeah. Shut the fuck up.
Yeah. Fourth and one investigation.
I think it it's fourth and one private investigation is his entire law firm just based around of uh like drawing those lines on the field to see whether or not michigan made a first down in that one thanksgiving day game uh yeah fourth and one investigations and protective agency llc i love that so um all the conspiracies around that are just so so perfect there are are people saying that there's now been alleged computer crimes committed. Yes.
So whoever was in charge of the investigation illegally accessed some of Michigan school records, which is that would be it would be so perfect if like they committed an actual crime in order to set up Michigan or uncover a fake crime, a college football crime that Michigan was doing.

And then somebody ended up having to go to jail

for a federal data security crime and got Jim Harbaugh fired,

which college football fans are so crazy,

they'd probably take that deal.

Yeah, I'll do two years.

Yeah.

Send me off.

Connor Stallions would do life in prison

if it meant Michigan won a national title.

The problem I have with Connor Stallions, and this is where it starts to get fishy for me. He is like a big opsec guy, right? He knows about espionage.
He knows about signed sealing covert operations. Why did he put his name on all these transactions? Why did he put his name on the ticket purchases, knowing that he was on record as being on the Michigan staff? Like something with that is a little bit fishy.
That doesn't add up to me for him. Is it actually Jim Harbaugh and he made up Conor Stallions? Listen, that's what this entire investigation is going to come down to is if they can find proof that Jim Harbaugh knew.
Because that's really all. Michigan is now being like, hey, yeah, Con Connor Stallions acted alone.
Yeah. That's our, that's our defense.
And they, it is funny cause the NCAA changed their bylaws. I can't remember as a few years ago where they basically make every college football team.
They can like prosecute them under the Rico act where it's like, you can't, no college football coach can say, well, I didn't know. It was like, if you, if he's employed, you knew, but that's what they're gonna have to try to prove yeah they're gonna have to sit show how jim harbaugh knew otherwise they'll give him a slap on the wrist and connor stallions be gone and then michigan be like well yeah we we didn't know he acted alone so if you're the big 10 actually if you're if you're michigan people complaining like oh michigan's like holding up this entire investigation what do you expect expect them to do? Do you expect Michigan to be like, okay, we're going to come clean.
Here's everything that we knew and how we knew it. No, you're going to drag your feet because you're going to be competing for a national championship.
So you don't want anything to come out in the next couple of weeks. You're going to be putting off meetings left and right.
You're going to be changing calendar invites saying, oh, sorry, I didn't get that. I thought it was in Central Time, not Eastern Time.
They're going to be absolutely holding this investigation up because the Big Ten, they do have all the power. So the Big Ten could have said, we're going to let the NCAA handle this and we're going to put it in their court.
But the Big Ten is investigating and they are the ones that could do something about it if they found something. But also, if you're the Big 10 you wouldn't and why would you because you've got a team with a chance to go to natty correct and then you all get money correct you know what you can't if you're the big 10 should be investigated under the rico act you can't you can't if you're the big 10 uh you know be like oh michigan's not playing the big 10 championship or michigan doesn't the rest of their season doesn't count you just sign these huge huge tv deals and michigan is very important to those tv deals so i think they're just going to keep passing the buck being like no ncaa you figure out all right ncaa you take forever what's going to end up happening is michigan's going to play the whole season nothing's going to happen like a year from now they're going to be like oh michigan like uh you you can't have like 10 we're taking away 10 recru.
Yeah. And then Harbaugh is going to be gone.
Yeah. And then we'll all be like, OK, well, I guess that's how it's settled.
I love that Michigan is now becoming big due process guys. Yeah.
Like, let's let's wait for due process. We all get due process.
Jim Harbaugh is going to get into like the sovereign citizen movement and be like this. I don't have to say word lawyer.
Yeah. That's all you're going to say.
Shut the fuck up. Fridays lawyer.
Yeah, pretty much. Yeah, that's all you got.
Michigan can very easily get away with it this year, and then who knows what happens in the future. Yeah, they want to win a national title this year.
What they can prove. But if they win a national championship, that is, I think, my dream scenario.
Yeah. Michigan wins the national title, and then for the next 100 years.
Yeah, we strip it. We make fun of it.
But Michigan fans are like, but flags flags fly forever but those wins didn't happen yeah it's gonna be great it's gonna be great and then we we get into like a big court battle over whether or not they're allowed to actually have a national championship banner in their stadium yeah all the like jj mccarthy's not allowed back on campus the stats the chris weber's yeah situation yeah all that stuff um all right a couple other things we've got to touch on. Bedlam was awesome.
I'm happy for Oklahoma State. Having Oklahoma leave and the rivalry be done, you had to win that last game.
The non-PI call was hilarious because I have no problem if Big 12 officials were like, yeah, fuck them. And what did they play? They played some Taylor Swift after.
I think it was never getting back together yeah so i'm happy for oklahoma state that was great they're playing good football uh they could easily be in the big 12 championship game so i'm happy for oklahoma state mike gundy they you have to win your last game if your rival's leaving you for for greener pastures i agree mike gundy has a great setup in stillwater too oh yeah he's he's we were talking about this a couple weeks ago with penn state of how if you're not ever really going to be the point we're going to win a national championship like carve yourself out a nice little niche and be happy with it and mike gundy has been a great coach for how when was the i'm 40 i'm a man speech that was 2007 it was like 10 15 years ago it was so so long ago. And he's got seasons where he flashes, where you talk about their offense.
This year, it's not their offense, really. Their defense has been.
Well, their running back, Ollie, I mean, he's one of the best. He missed like the first few games.
He's incredible. He's gotten into a dark horse Heisman, which I think the Heisman, by the way, now that Jaden Daniels lost to Alabama and he's been playing phenomenal, his defense shouldn't count against him.
I think the Heisman is going to just come down to if Oregon and Washington play in the Pac-12 championship game, Bo Nix or Michael Penix, who plays better? And it would be so awesome if Bo Nix won the Heisman after the mean. It would just be full circle.
Bo Nix just, I think it was last week, hit the most college football games played as a quarterback. You know what would be great about it? It would be so perfect because we would get two separate Bo Nix for Heisman campaigns in the same year.
And it feels like we've had those for the past five years. And now it gets two in the last one.
But it does feel like the winner, unless Marvin Harrison Jr. puts up 300 yards and five touchdowns against Michigan.
Maserati Marv. I think that it will come down to those two guys playing head-to-head and who wins.
Jaden Daniels, by the way, with the LSU loss, I almost want to upgrade LSU in my personal rankings for that loss because they were right in the game when he was playing. And then he got concussed.
He gets knocked out. That if you're an LSU fan you're like hey you remember Devin White you remember what happened with that yeah a little reciprocity year yeah um but uh the way LSU played before their quarterback got knocked out like you could make the argument that they deserve to at least hold firm in the standing yes I'd agree um all right last two things I had uh Lincoln Riley riley finally decided that whatever blackmail alex grinch has on him is not worth it uh so he got fired alex grinch one of the most confusing defensive coordinator uh jobs for it feels like forever we've been talking about him um he finally got fired because that was pathetic us USC and their tackling and just guys

every single time Michael Penix

dropped back, there was a guy wide open.

They don't tackle. They do not tackle.

Cale Williams, people were getting

on him for crying. I'm fine with it.

Yeah, I'm okay with crying. Cry.

Why not? Cry's not bad. Yeah.

I'd cry if I had that defense too. You're allowed to cry

two times. You're allowed to cry if you lose a

big game because it shows that you are committed to your teammates. And you're allowed to cry during the national anthem.
Not before the Super Bowl if you lose. Retroactively.
Yes. Retroactively, don't do that.
So, yeah, I was listening to the Andy Staple show earlier this week. And he was talking about how it actually would be a good thing for Grinch to get fired.
Like it would have been a good thing for grinch to lose his job in the offseason even because the way that lincoln riley runs their practices they don't allow tackling yeah maybe once a week they'll do some live drills but their defense doesn't practice tackling ever and if you go to a different program with a different coach that gives a shit about defense like georgia for example he said like most most big programs they will allow you to tackle in practice well it's it's a theme that we've saw seen a lot with air raid offense the defenses usually struggle because in practice the air raid offense is just fucking ripping them apart and they never get to practice against like they never get to actually practice fundamentals they're just trying to catch up you can get all the like hundred thousand dollar tackling dummies that you want that have wheels on the bottom and like robot antennas that move around but you you should actually practice practice tackling yeah uh last thing i had and he is a friend of the show but people get upset when we don't criticize our friends i will do it right now i thought dion putting putting Pat Shermer as the offensive coordinator was a crazy move. Yeah.
And I know Sean Lewis is a friend, and he went to Wisconsin, but Sean Lewis was not the problem with Colorado, and it felt like Deion is trying to press panic buttons left and right, and they kind of did Sean Lewis pretty dirty. And Pat Shermer's a bad coach, and they went into that game against against Oregon State they had three points in 78 yards through three quarters that offense was not Sean Lewis's fault like the Colorado's problems was not Sean Lewis's fault it was that that bottom line was very deceiving in that game because Colorado was never in it no and they scored at the end um and but yeah that was not Sean Lewis got done dirty he he was not the problem their offensive line is not great their defense has struggled like sean lewis was very low on the list of issues with colorado and it felt like dion just needed someone to blame and and that sucks because i don't think that was the right move i thought that was a shitty move by dion pat shirmer is the all-time people forget that he was head coach of the new york giants yeah yeah and the the Browns.
And the Browns. Really bad head coach.
Very bad head coach. Really bad head coach.
Dion's going to get bigger dudes, though. Once he gets bigger dudes, I think Colorado will be good.
I think they'll even improve on this season and then some next year. But right now, they were a nice story to start the year.
Yeah. Because no one really saw it coming.
But they're not built to win this year i think chador should go pro i think dion will have problems getting bigger dudes who have to block for his son it's a weird dynamic you have to at least admit that it's a weird dynamic for the head coach to openly trash his offensive line who's blocking for his son he also trashed his son though yeah he did he said we had a lot of problems offensive line including the quarterback yeah and i'm i'm i'm still bullish on deon like long term i just thought that that one move was a panic move that that made sean lewis look bad and look like the the the failure here when it's it's way bigger than that and they probably the success they had early how everyone talked about him ourselves included doesn't them coming back down to earth. Yeah, I mean, we just didn't want to get called out by Deion.
Right. We were very transparent about that.
Right. We picked them to win every game this season.
And I will. I'll tell Deion that I don't think he should have had Pat Shurmur call plays.
I'll text him that. Hope he doesn't see it.
Did they find the stuff that was stolen at the Rose Bowl? What was stolen? Oh, yes, they did. They did did they found it this is like a this is a recurring thing for Dion yeah he gets a lot of stuff stolen stolen well he's got swag maybe change your security Dion he's got he also all right here's one positive for Dion ditch the sunglasses yep so he's listening yep smart move oh Arthur Smith also shaved the mustache smart move smart move it's a smart move you got to take you got to you got to minimize the mistakes that you're you're putting out there with uh sunglasses and mustaches all right let's do hot seat cool throne it's brought to you by our friends at coors light hot seat cool throne always brought to you by coors light fall doesn't have to be a buzz kill coors light helps you find moments to unwind big work presentation follow it with a happy hour some friends and a cold course light weekend chores take saturday off and hit the tailgate even if you don't have tickets to the game whenever you need to hit reset reach for a course light it's made to chill there's only one beer out there that's literally made to chill and that's course light the mountains mountains on the bottles and cans even turn blue when your beer is cold that way you always know when it's time to chill we need to hit reset just open a Coors Light it's mountain cold refreshment made to chill we love Coors Light it is the best beer in the world the coldest beer in the world Coors Light is perfect for football season perfect for tailgate season Coors Light is the one we choose we need to unwind maybe hit that Friday afternoon weekend time sit on the, unwind with the Coors Light.
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Hank.

Hot Seat is myself.

Oh, why's that?

After the Patriots-Commanders game, the Patriots lost.

I knew I had to do a presentation.

Yeah.

So I started.

I wanted to get started early.

I had some thoughts in my mind.

I wanted to put a pen to paper via laptop.

So I- You wanted to put finger to button? to button max shot of max couldn't find my laptop searched all around sunday just couldn't find it i walked around a hundred times you guys probably saw me just coming in looking underneath things trying to find it trying to retrace my steps knew i had it here find my iphone had it here every time i've left the office it said you know you've left your laptop behind so i knew it was. Find my iPhone.
Had it here. Every time I've left the office, it said, you know, you've left your laptop behind.
So I knew it was in the facility. Couldn't find it.
Slept on it. Said, I'll come back tomorrow stronger, better, faster, hungrier.
Find it Monday. Nope.
Spent all day Monday. I was losing my mind.
PFT. Earlier this fall, you said that you're going to be all work.
All work. During the fall.
You weren't going to be golfing no time off i mean living at the office you're gonna be you'll be working all the time yep um and you haven't had your laptop for how long it was last seen on thursday yeah so i had i had calls i had meetings yesterday that i did at my home because i have a pc there but i did it and then i then I came in. I thought you were going to be living at the office, though.
I had to do these calls. I didn't want to do them on my phone.
Well, your computer was at the office. I couldn't find it.
I could not find it. So you lost your computer for seven days.
No. And you are the CEO of this company.
I lost my computer for a couple days the weekend, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, as we know. And then it's basically one day i lost my computer for one day monday uh and then i came in super early to find it so i could do this presentation i have a good outline i have some thought starters i needed to you know put it together can i see the outline no let's say we'll save it for friday because he doesn't have an i have a google doc he Doc.
He doesn't have an outline. I do.
So, Hank, yeah, I'm disappointed. I'm not mad.
I'm just disappointed. Well, I did have the chance.
I could have billiated and just thrown something together. I had about 20 minutes, and I could have thrown something together and done a half-assed effort.
But I have this long – I have links. I have works cited work cited who farted i think that was my shoe i think i was i think hank just farted no that was my shoe did you hear that jake i did not but i know we're clear because our mics were off so it feels good yeah that was a fart that was a fart that was a nervous fart yeah he's a nervous fart now hank did, did you do this outline or did you outsource it to somebody else like you

did with the original presentation?

I mean, I have collaborators, esteemed colleagues that I work with, just like any good, you

know.

Oh, also, Hank.

I have a point of order in your Twitter bio right now.

What does it say?

Because part of the agreement was you were going to change it to acknowledge the Cape Hatteras lighthouse i mean i did no you didn't you put hater ass the cape hatteras lighthouse is the tallest lighthouse in continental u.s you spelled it hater ass you are a hater ass how do you spell hatteras there's just one s no keep it out it's funny because people thought hank did that on purpose but he definitely did No, 100 thought objen was a word like two years ago i mean again like why would you i i'm not a female i've never gone to the fucking ob-gyn how is that something i would know about have you ever seen a vagina yeah okay well you obviously don't know much about them but when like when at what point in your life do you learn that ob-gyn was ob-gyn like what i don't know when i was like 10 or 11 why because you just know things you grow up and you learn things when would you have learned that at what point were they like hey and she's like oh i i have to go to my ob-gyn appointment my option a 10 year old no not when i'm 10 but you said you just said that i said i learned when i was 10 because you hear words because you hear Sorry, I got down early. That's what you said.
You just said that. You said, I learned when I was 10.
Because you hear words. Because you hear.

Sorry.

I got down early.

That's disgusting.

Put it on the bonk list.

That's gross.

Yeah.

And like, again, I don't know.

You got down.

Then she was like, I have to go to the doctor now.

No, obviously I heard that word when I was 10 and I found out.

Where did you hear it?

Why would you hear that?

I don't know.

Because life happens.

I'm going to step in here. That's early to learn that word.

You learn life happens.

Well, I'm learning new things every day and the

listeners and you guys will learn a lot on Friday.

Okay. Friday.

You're going to have it.

I found my laptop. Yeah.

It was in a desk

that I walked by maybe a hundred times.

Good. Hot start.
Hot start. All right.
And then my cool throne is the Cubs. Yeah, that was my cool throne, but go ahead.
Well, I did it first. Yeah.
A lot of manager, you know, musical chairs going on. I don't really know what's going on.
I don't know why Craig Council is like the greatest the greatest manager of all time but mets fans are really upset that they didn't sign craig council and then the cubs did sign craig council which caused the brewers to basically disown him oh yeah the brewers owner said we've lost craig but i've reflected on this craig has lost us and lost our community lost the community what makes craig council this this Messiah a manager Craig Council is a good manager, very good manager the Brewers don't spend a lot of money and he's had them competitive every single year I'm very excited because I'm sad about David Ross it feels very reminiscent of when Ricky Renneria got fired for Joe Madden right when the Cubs were like, alright, we're going to start winning. And I love David Ross and it sucked because obviously he probably found out a different way but I don't think I've ever seen an announcement of a hiring of a manager when you never got the announcement of a firing of a manager.
It was literally Jeff Passan was like, Craig Council's going to the Cubs and then didn't say like, David Ross is fired.

I had to wait till for like an hour and Dan Dockett's reported breaking news. I'm hearing David Ross is out.
My ass. Yeah.
So it was a very confusing moment. That's weird.
Yeah, it was like stunning because I don't think, I know David Ross was on a warm seat with how the Cubs finished. Well, they said earlier this season that he was not going to be fired right right that was before the collapse but here's why i like it so craig council is a very good manager i also think this is the sign that the cubs are ready to start spending and start competing for world series again because you're not craig council if you're craig council you don't go to the cubs your rival i he craig council is from wisconsin you don't go there unless you have a deal in place from Jed and Tom Ricketts being like, hey, we're going for this.
This is the start. And they're also paying him $8 million a year, which is a lot of money.
I think it might be the highest paid manager. So this is good.
I feel good. I'm excited.
I'm sad for David Ross, but I'm very excited about the future of the Cubs because it does feel like the sign of hey we're now we're now going to take this seriously no more like half-ass rebuilding like let's go spend some money let's get some really good players craig council's a very good manager i'm excited cubs are back is that basically that's the end of the world series team uh we have a couple left is hendrix hendrix is on the team uh that's always sad when it's like yeah the whole team is gone Ian Happ I believe was I don't know if he played he was on in the organization yeah no it's sad but Hendrix I love Hendrix the professor the professor um yeah Happ made his debut the year after so yeah it's but yeah, Greg Council and the Cubs are going to spend money big time. Going to be exciting.
Um, so I want to touch on something we mentioned on Monday's show because we were a week early on Wisconsin deer season in terms of hunting. Um, found out an interesting fact today.
Did you know that Wisconsin has so many hunters and so many guns that, uh, the state of Wisconsin is the eighth largest army in the world technically oh i respect that i respect i respect that a lot also the deers like people who are anti-hunter if you drive in rural illinois wisconsin minnesota and you said like hey no one can kill a deer the deers would kill all of us on the highway yeah's so many fucking deer. Yeah.
And I love it when cars just drive down the road with deers just strapped to the home. Oh, yeah.
It's good food. Yeah.
Next weekend. Or this weekend.
This weekend. No, next weekend.
Wait, I got to pull it up right here. It is...
Next weekend. Next weekend.
Next weekend, because I have friends who are doing it. Well, if you're disabled, you're allowed to hunt early.
There you go. And kids.
And kids. Kids can hunt early.
And you only get one is that the rule yeah there's tag yeah yeah there's like they they might be more than one but they definitely you can't just go out and just start like killing like 150 deer what if they just made it you can kill a deer any day of the year if you use your bare hands i like that i like that a lot choke it out i like that a lot uh My hot seat was Tom Izzo. Yeah.
Tom Izzo's on the hot seat, as we discussed earlier. My cool throne is orcas.
And orcas are also back. There's a new pod of orcas that are attacking off the, I guess it's the Strait of Gibraltar, so in between Spain and Morocco.
A new pod of orcas spent like eight hours going after this yacht and sunk the yacht themselves.

Just straight up attacked it.

Yeah.

You're a whale guy?

No, not orcas.

I don't like orcas.

Well, yeah, we know your stance on Jim Irsay.

Orcas are a killer.

It's not their fault.

Tilikum fucked up the whole squad,

but orcas are bad.

What about Tokatay? You were heartbroken when Tokatay died. Was Tokatay the Ursae one? Yeah.
Well, yeah, I'm sad that a human got involved and basically stressed a whale to death. But it was an orca, so it really gives a fuck.
Yeah, you actually, Tokatay dying might have saved some lives because he would have gone out into the water and just started killing people. That's true.

Yeah.

But respect to these orcas that are over in Europe just taking out yachts.

I think it was a Polish cruise that it took out.

So, yeah, they repeatedly hit the yacht's rudder, causing major damage.

Any deaths?

No, they got all the people off.

That's why we can laugh about it.

Right before it sank.

Yeah.

But it's pretty good.

Listen, I don't want to fuck with orcas. I want to, I want the orcas to know, cause they probably, they do listen to podcasts that I am on their side and I am a friend of the whale.
This feels like a Polish joke. Polish Navy got taken down by an orca.
The screen door submarines. Yeah.
Okay. Polacks.
Cool. You think, you think what I've had, I've had, you know am obsessed with whales i think about them often what about like a show like like if you could translate you know because whales speak to each other yeah and like a reality show oh oh like real housewives of the mediterranean of the street of gibraltar yeah it's kind of like that that um prairie dog show or whatever the one in Africa is.
Yeah, like imagine seeing them plan that and then take it down. It'd be sick, yeah.
It would be sick. Let's do it.
Something to think about. Don't steal my idea.
How would you translate what they say? Would you just completely make it up? I'm just going to say right now, I want it on record. I'm not going to steal his idea of making a Real Housewives of Orcas.
Of the Strait of Gibraltar. No, I'm not going to give you the Strait of Gibraltar.
I might make another reality show off the Strait of Gibraltar. People can...
That's the technology. I don't know if there is a whale translator out there.
There's not. Someone that speaks fluent whale.
Conner Stallions probably could. Yeah, give him enough time.
But you could probably put it together with subtitles stop myself from making a joke connor stallions did steal signs for brett biela that's what yep yep what does he have in common with will i when we were in wisconsin uh when we were in madison for ohio state they have like a a tunnel with all the former coaches brett looked good back in the day yeah he looked good he's he's actually think he's lost a little weight he's still a powerful man yeah yeah uh hank i do like your idea though but we just need to you could just do it and fake it and just pretend that you know what they're saying yeah yeah let's go sing just about if i can hate the polish all right you're that was your cool that's my cool throne because again tom iso yes is on the hot seat yes and also cool throne letter writing jamie also wrote a strongly worded letter to the should have done notes app this is like the fifth strongly worded letter that i've seen float around out there um this is gonna be the one that gets it done though because it's more strongly worded than the ones in the past so yeah they're just they're on a letter writing hot streak down there the ted kaczynski's of central virginia yes yes okay my hot seat is me for two things one I'd like to make a correction on Monday I said Jedrick Wills is a star offensive lineman that is my fault because he was drafted in the top 10 and that's hard to get out of my head so my bad that's still you're still you're still a star and also his name's cool I was just like yeah he's a lottery pick guess what depth issues now yep so he could have been a star depth wise uh and then my other uh my other hot seat for myself is my parenting uh quick story time i on monday mornings i take my son to school every day and on monday mornings we have a conversation of whether or not the bears won or lost and so i was getting sick of telling him every monday we get in the car he's like did the bears win or lose and i got sick of telling him that they lost so on monday morning i explained to him that they lost but they actually kind of won trying to lose yeah and uh because he gets really excited because his his teacher's a bears fan so he goes and tells his teacher like when they the two times they've won he's been able to go tell him like the bears team won flash forward monday night i'm putting him to bed and i was like what'd you learn in school today and he was like the bears team lost but it's they actually that's actually good yeah so i am now raising a loser it's good parenting he the fact that he was able to conceptualize tanking that quickly is not good for the future of our relationship and his sports fandom but he got it he got it right away he repeat it was you know 12 hours later and he was like the bears lost but it's good he's gonna watch trent dilfer explain how you cannot lose and still win and be very confused he'd be be like, that guy's full of shit. I realized it last night.

I was like, God damn it.

I'm raising a loser.

Yeah.

We've accepted losing in this household.

We're okay with losing.

He's going to learn about the Revolutionary War and be like, well, at least England got

a good draft pick.

Yeah.

Fuck.

What was the tank guy?

What was your process guy?

What was his name?

Memes didn't want to click the fucking button there. Oh, he doesn't know it either.
No, he did. He just called you off.
Sam Henke. Sam Henke.
I was thinking Sam Presti, but that's Oklahoma City. So, yeah, I'm raising a little Sam Henke in my house.
So, hot seat me. I got to reevaluate that.
The Cubs are back. The Cubs are back.
Sam Henke drafted an MVP. Also, true.
True. Maybe.
And a... Did he draft...
Player of the Week. A Player of the Week? That might have been after.
Tyrese Maxey was probably drafted after. He got the picks to get Tyrese Maxey.
I mean, he was just fucking with me now. But also, Jason Tatum won Conference Player of the Week last week.
Oh. So no longer.
Max, congrats on the third quarter of the week by Joel Embiid last night. Yeah.
That was an insane quarter. That was maybe the quarter of the month.
Sixers are – I'm back in on the Sixers. Nick Nurse is a guy.
Oh, okay. He is a guy.
This will end well. Sixers are good.
Clip that memes. That will be a nice start to the montage when the Sixers lose to the Celtics in the playoffs.
I do agree, though, that Max, we should give you some credit here because you do have the same guys as last year, essentially, but you upgraded majorly at the head coach. Yeah.
Like a huge, huge upgrade. And in the locker room, you lost Harden, brought in Pat Beth.
Yeah. That's a locker room upgrade for sure.
By the way, of losing uh all-time insult stat you should everyone should be following jay kuda online jay cuda he's very very funny does great graphics uh he did a graphic the cities with four plus sports teams and it's their combined overall uh against 500 since the start of 2022 and there are only two cities that are all red, which means under 500 collectively. And it is Chicago and Washington, D.C.
Yeah. Good for us.
Good for us. You can't laugh at that.
You can't laugh at that. That's our joke.
Don't laugh at that. My teams are above 500.
Yeah. Flyers.
We know that flyers. That's why you're not allowed to laugh at it the only city with all four teams above 500 Colorado nope Texas Minnesota wow Twins, T-Wolf, Vikings, Wild all above 500 You OK? What was that? I thought Colorado was a good guess.
Colorado. Did you forget about the Broncos? The Rockies.
And you forgot about the Rockies. Very bad.
That was a guess. The Rockies was a hope.
Half of them. Yeah.
My cool throne is coffee drinkers because we got new Stella Blue flavors out now. We had some fall flavors.
Now we have some Christmas holiday flavors. We have gingerbread and we have butter cookie.
Both very, very good. I tested all of them, fine-tuned it.
Go buy it, StellaBlueCoffee.com. They are delicious.
There's nothing better than a nice warm cup of butter cookie sitting by the fire, sitting by the tree, sitting by wherever, maybe outdoors, maybe outdoors crackling fire some gingerbread so go buy it right now they are very very good uh and some new mugs in the store as well jake finish us off my hot seat is jimmy clausen former quarterback yeah cam newton came out with a story saying that he initially wanted to wear number two that was his college number so he asked jim Jimmy Clawson for it. Jimmy Clawson said, all right, that'll cost you $1 million.
Thought he was kidding. Clawson said, all right, I'll do it for a lower tag of $750,000.
Cam Newton hangs up the phone, calls the equipment manager, says he's going to wear number one. And he told himself that'll be the last time Jimmy Clawson will ever be heard of in Carolina.
He was correct. I respect that move by Jimmy Clawson because he knew that he was bad and he was going to lose his job.
And Jimmy Clawson, I don't know what his career earnings are. I'm looking them up right now.
He's made $5 million. Could have been six.
So that would have been like, deal that would have been he needed that extra million dollars that's just an insane ask like you i think that if you say 50k cam newton probably pays it yeah oh for sure discount of 750k because what was cam newton's signing bonus it's big but yeah insane jimmy clausenson definitely didn't play that correctly. Insane.
My cool throne, plug God, the Barstool Sports Invitational. It is game day if you're listening on Wednesday.
Huge doubleheader on Barstool.tv. Returning Final Four team FAU.
Hometown team Loyola Chicago in a power conference matchup. Two tournament teams from last year.
Arizona State, Mississippi State. Big Cat and I will be in the booth with Dave Portnoy.
We have tons of great coverage coming your way. Sister Jean.
Sister Jean. Sister Jean will be in attendance.
Yes. I might be in Sister Jean's box.
Yeah, you should. Yeah.
I'm going to try to get her in a box. You should watch the game with Sister Jean.
Yeah. I would love to.
See if we can get you a mic and get a one-on-one. Yeah, if you're in Chicago, WinTrust.
There's still tickets available. It's going to be a great time.
Everyone's going to be out there. If you are not in Chicago, Barstool.tv.
You can watch all the action. Nothing better than a little college basketball on a Wednesday night.
Also, not my words from Ken Palm, the two best games of college basketball are the Barstool Sports Invitational today. Wow.
Fuck yes. He ranks the thrill score, like how exciting each game is.
Number one and number two are our games. For some reason, I'm just like really, really into this college basketball year.
Yeah, I wonder why. So far, one day in, I've never been this excited.
We had the Loyola guys here on Monday and the big guy, the two guards. Tom Welch.
And a big guy. Tom Welch.
I'm going to need your notes by the way, Jake, in the next couple of days or actually now finishing. The guards were like, Hey, you want to dunk? And he's like, I don't think I can.
I was like, Oh yeah. I forgot to tell you that our rims are like 11 feet tall.
Yeah. Thanks a lot, Hank.
Yeah. They're a solid 10, four.
Pretty close. I think it's 10, six pizza.
He checked yesterday. They're 10, one no way i heard 10-6 right away they noticed right away instantly do you trust pete i'm just saying think about that he he didn't have wi-fi working in an office that runs the internet for about six years he was big fired up yesterday he also what he brought out was this little i don't even know what it was it was like a it was like a laser that like, that's the top of the rim.
You're seeing it. It says 10-1.
Yeah, I don't trust him. He's a liar.
Got to measure from the base all the way down at the base. Yes.
And guys, my other cool throw. Oh, two.
Yes. All right.
Let's go, Jake. Double trouble.
Double trouble. It is drama.
Uh-oh. Drama in the NWSL.
Guys, this season has been so dramatic that even Nike submitted this season for a Golden Globe. Okay, so...
Wait, what? My only thing about the NWSL, if Rose Lavelle has a million fans... Badger.
...then I'm one of them. Badger.
If she has no fans, then I am dead. And if the world is against Rose Lavelle, then it's me against the world.

So she's on the O.L.

Reign, right?

She's our recurring guest.

Badger.

Best player in the world.

Yes.

So the championship game is on CBS this Saturday at 8 p.m.

Eastern time.

Let's go.

Megan Rapinoe.

Swan song.

And she's on Rose Lavelle's team.

Sure is.

Let's go.

How can you not be rooting for them?

Rose Lavelle. Dominant.
So what time is it? 8 p.m. Eastern on CBS.
Saturday. Saturday.
Love it. And there's so much drama.
It's a Golden Globe. Nike's putting it up for a Golden Globe.
They should win. They should win.
Agreed. Okay.
Good job. Good job, Jake.
Double trouble on the cool thrones. I like that.
Let's get to our interview great interview with very very funny

comedian nate bargazzi yeah before we get to nate he's brought to you by body armor these interviews

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It's superior hydration. Keeps us hydrated during these interviews and nate bargotzi is a great interview thanks nate for coming in thanks to body armor okay we now welcome on a very special guest you see him everywhere now is comedian nate bargotzi i i screw up your name because i saw you did fallon maybe yeah and it was you went a whole thing where everyone says Bargatze and then it's Bargetze.
Bargetze. Bargetze.
Sorry about that. Yeah.
It was one of those things that I literally woke up. It's a great day to start the day, dude.
I woke up and I was like, don't say it wrong. Don't say it wrong.
And then when you sit down and you keep telling yourself that, you're like, I'm going to fucking say it wrong. I know I am.
Everybody, I mean, I really don't care. Like, you know, you just get, it's been said so many different ways.
You just kind of go, all right. Well, it's an A, too, that screws everyone up.
You know, there's some stuff in there that messes people up. Italian? Paisan? Yeah, it's Italian.
Yeah, you got a couple, there's like a couple speed bumps in there. They're oh how am i saying this yeah it's tough but yeah you you've been everywhere you're you're it's incredible watching uh the last even three weeks you did snl a couple weeks ago you did uh college game day yeah now you're doing pmt some say that's the big three i mean it we y'all are enormous so it is it's it's yeah it is i know

coming on here i was like this is it's going to get where people like all right dude yeah i know

it's been yeah people sick of you i mean probably i i'm not trying to make it that way no i uh but

it all just kind of snowballed into you know these are all things yeah besides you guys uh it was

you know snl and game day all kind of happened very kind of quickly last minute yeah so it just

I'm going to go ahead and get it. you know these are all things yeah besides you guys uh it was you know snl and game day all kind of happened very kind of quickly last minute yeah so it just kind of went with it it must be very cool because we're about the same age and i grew up watching snl and it's you know iconic obviously you saw the greek cast back like i think the 80s and the 90s uh to like mid 90s of snl that was like the peak of the show in my opinion oh yeah um just like iconic stuff and then you get to host so what was the process like during the week were you were you involved with the writing how like how detailed did they let you get behind the scenes or were they like hey here's the idea we have for a script here's your role yeah you show up monday uh show up monday and then like five o'clock you go in and then it's and that's where you meet Lauren, you meet all the writers and all the cast and everybody kind of just pitches just a real, like two, you know, they, they would, they would be like, uh, Washington, uh, doing the milliliters and our measurements and, you know, just something kind of quickly.
And then you go, okay, you're just kind of hearing stuff. And then the next day, uh, it's a little bit tighter.
and you go just something kind of quickly and then you go okay you're just kind of hearing stuff and then the next day they uh it's a little bit tighter you go sit with the writers you're kind of there you're more like noon to 10 or 8 or 7 or 9 something like that uh on tuesday and then you meet with each writer and then they kind of go like all right we're going down this path with this script i mean they really make it around the host yeah so that was the host you have a lot more say than you think as a host and that was something some people told me uh i mean as much say as i still you know you're like i'm pretty lucky that they're having me on yeah so i'm i'm I'm not you know be like well let me you're gonna do this yeah but you you do have a lot of say to go you know i don't i don't do i don't want to do political i don't want to i'm not i'm clean so it's like i don't want to do dirty stuff and so it was and i said that they're it's they're just doing know, the kind of dumb, silly sketches that they, we ended up having. Yeah.
Uh, so they, everybody kind of pitches a little bit more cause they got to sit up and write all night. So Tuesday night, I mean, all those there, they just, you go home and then they stay up.
I mean, they might be there till six in the morning. Yeah.
Yeah. I, so I had a question about the clean stuff because I saw your show on friday night absolutely incredible if you're if you're thinking about going to a comedy show and nate is in your city you have to go it is that good um and i i brought my wife and a couple friends and they had never seen you before and the best way i described it i was like he does comedy on expert mode because he doesn't swear and it's not like the raunchy stuff but it's funnier than everyone else who does that so thank you but it really does feel that way because us being idiots yeah when we run out of words we just say fuck it's a nice you know it's like oh i'll just make a dick joke yeah so was there ever a point in your career where you were like people tried to push you one way you're like no i'm staying i'm gonna be me and i'm gonna do it my way because you don't see it very often and again you were funnier than pretty much everyone else out there uh well thank you and it uh i it was just you know i'm not from the south right you know and maybe my dad's here like you met my dad like i just never wanted them to be embarrassed to come to show or something and we just we didn't you didn't curse you went to church you did it was just the environment i was born in yeah and i mean when i remember when i moved to new york and people curse more and then i bad go like around my friends parents you're like yeah well there's families in new york or chicago or somewhere where you're like people just curse and it's not it doesn't stand out right where it would have really stood out in my upbringing.
Right. And so I just kind of kept that.

But when I... and it's not it doesn't stand out right where it would have really stood out in my upbringing right and so i just kind of just kind of kept that but when i first started you would have to do late i mean i would go on at midnight one in the morning these shows and you know some of them be uncensored show and they're labeled all this stuff and i would just do my act yeah and i would just do it and just you just kind of i think you just do it and just hope no one notice right that was the main thing you just well i don't think there's anybody that's in the

crowd that's like i really wish you'd say fuck man you're so funny but if you had like talked

about like taking a shit that would have been awesome it's people stand up yeah yeah this is

too clean i'm not a guy will leave that's the testament to how funny you are is that you don't

even notice it because you're just finding funny angles on everything, and you're like, man, I wish I could be smarter like Nate and find a way to speak without swearing every other word. It's, you know, it's – some comics, what I say do, I was like, you got to fix it off screen if you have someone ever – because no matter what, even if you're a comedian, you're on stage presenting an act, it's probably better not to overly do it.
Right. You know, you can do it, but don't overly do it.
You got to just, like, not do it in real life. Right.
Did that open any doors for you? I mean, it is now, completely. And I thought it would quicker earlier and it didn't it took uh you know i kind of just it's been a slow kind of like going it's always moved forward i could do late night sets i did a lot more late night sets than most people i could very i could be asked to do a late night set last minute because it's they just knew i didn't have anything yeah uh i don't ever have to worry about i mean when i did a common central special uh where you couldn't say stuff uh i mean i would only the only thing that would be that you can't say walmart you can't say mcdonald's or or something like that that would be the only thing i couldn't say yeah i i like the idea of like your big controversy being that someone caught you saying like the f word.
Being like, oh my God. It'd be a huge.
Yeah. Like a sex tape.
The disappointment. Yeah.
Oh no. Everything is alive.
Yeah, yeah. They got this guy.
Did you ever like have a moment of weakness? You're like, you know what? Tonight I'm going to go blue. I never had the jokes.
Yeah. So I just never, you know uh any sex stuff i never had and it's just i just never i since i started that way my brain just never really went that way right and everybody i'm friends with i mean my closest friends are big j okerson and lewis you know gomit jay gomez and a lot of people from this, this,

this comedy where the skank world.

And like most of my friends are some of the dirtiest comics you could ever see.

And they're,

but they're all very funny.

So it was just,

I was blended in.

Like when I first got at the comedy,

so it was a comedy club in New York.

Since I was close with big J,

I first got into that club.

They would always put me on real late at night.

And I was like,

I can tell that like, they did not, they don't, they't they have not watched my set right they just assume i'm with j they assume i'm dirty and so then they would throw me up at two in the morning and uh i you know it's like i would be better at 8 p.m than two yeah but it helped me because then you got to make your act work at two in the morning. You got to somehow make it seem like it's, I don't know, it's got, I don't want to say bite to it, but whatever.
They just can't be too noticeably clear. Yeah, you talked about your dad.
He is here. He just came in the studio a second ago.
I saw a clip where he started a fire in your house while you were gone. Not in my house.
In their house. Oh, in their house.
They're now in our house. How did that go? He was cooking a bratwurst.
I was trying to tell the story. I don't know if I want to say this story.
I was saying about him setting on fire, but I think I got another thing. But he cooked a bratwurst.
The idea, like, it's a very old man thing to cook. Yep.
It feels like. I don't, I mean.
Yeah, a bratwurst the idea like it's a very uh old man thing to cook yep it feels like i don't i mean yeah a bratwurst you when you cook a brat when you actively are saying i'm going to make a brat you're like i'm just gonna poison myself for dinner that's fine yeah like i don't really have anything to live for right now yeah people you can like brought what you can like them yeah eat them at places but to cook one alone to actively go out and get one yeah like if you're if you're handed one at like a tailgate that's normal yeah yeah i would even say just like the act of grilling one bratwurst is a very sad it's like it feels like a death row meal yeah yeah and then so he left it uh he left the stove on and then it uh just started smoking kind of caught fire and now they're gonna get And then, so, I mean, everybody was fine. But now, yeah, now they're staying with us.
Yeah. Yeah, he's, I mean, your dad is very funny.
It's, he's, I think you told me on Friday night that he's been, he's done 90 of your shows. Yeah, 90 of them.
Which is so cool. Like the fact that your dad, you know, who was a magician when you were growing up, which I'm sure that would probably give a lot of your material like how you became a funny person i'm always interested in how comedians become comedians having a dad as a magician i would imagine had a lot of help in like growing you as a person yeah i don't know if i realized it at the moment but it was yeah it it does it where it's uh he's because he's always done comedy with his magic so it's always been funny and so it's like that stuff has just played into it completely and it it did more than i realized like as i got older and comedy it's like i could tell you know i think my timing is a lot of based off him and all this all the kind of little stuff you can see that i picked up just throughout the years yeah was it cool having a dad who's a magician as a kid? Or was there a place where it was cool, then it became not cool, then it became cool again to have him? Yeah, probably like that.
I was just always around it. I look at it like my daughter.
My daughter does not know a world that I'm not a Right. And so I don't know a world when my dad's not a magician.

I mean, your kids would not know. My three kids, I'm worried for the day when they're like, wait, what did you say online for the last 15 years? Yeah, yeah.
Well, they're just going to, I think it's normal. Howard Stern's kids were, you know, he's Howard Stern.
I think they just know it and they can separate it. You know, they're not as don't you're not always maybe as impressed as at the beginning you know versus now it's like and it's fun to be able to take him out now because we've always known how great he is and so now a lot of people are getting to see how fun of a show it is and i mean i have a lot of people that are like they i mean just when my dad comes out it's just uh they love it much that they're not expecting it.
Because I think, you know, they're like, all right, we got to watch this guy's dad. Right.
Don't expect it to be, you know, you just figure like, all right, like I'm watching. Yeah.
I'm doing this guy a favor watching his dad. But then when it's, when people are losing it and they're laughing, they're like, oh man, it was so fun.
Yeah. That's very cool.
So I had a question about your about your process as a comedian. I understand, you know, you'll work on material, go up.
But when you come up with an idea, like, for example, you did this in your SNL monologue. You also have in your set.
I'm not going to burn your set. But just the idea of calling yourself from the 1900s.
Yeah. Like, did that just pop in your head? Because it's something that, you know, we're both born in the 80s.
We're from the 1900s yeah like what did that just pop in your head because it's something that you know we're both born in the 80s or from the 1900s but when you say it's like god damn it that is so funny and i never even thought of that just framing it that way yeah it's i was so this hour i i started for some reason i started thinking of like old timey uh when i started thinking of this hour and i kind of just the first time I kind of thought of it like that. But it was like I was kind of thinking of old timey and and just like, you know, how it's getting out.
We're in such a futuristic world versus what we grew up with. And I had that donkey, which I told on SNL, the donkey story at the fair.
And so I had like this old thing. So I was like trying to be like, we're a mix of people that have seen this kind of world that's from the fifties to now, you know, you got your watch sends you a message and you can call on your watch.
And so it's like, there's still a lot of us that have to balance both these worlds. We're not going to learn stuff.
And so I was saying it, and just probably a month before SNL, I kind of stumbled on to say I'm from the 1900s. Because when you start the set, I didn't know, I was like, well, what's the shortest, quickest way to put you in the mindset of what I'm trying to say? And so you just kind of stumble on it.
And and then you're like i'm from the 1900s and you go okay that sets it up a lot of it is you know you can have a lot of funny jokes but if i don't give any kind of context or put you in that it's like what's the quickest way i can set you into that mind yeah get everyone ready and where they're going to be yeah it's yeah i mean it was very relatable like I said, we're both 38 years old. So a lot of the stuff that you talk about, it's like, yeah, this is crazy.
I'm kind of giving up with new technology. Yeah.
Like I've tried five times to be a TikToker. Yeah.
And it's failed every time. Yeah.
I just can't do it. With AI, everybody, like even the people that are making AI are giving testimony in front of Congress being like be very careful like we might we might screw this up bad yeah and it seems like everything they're coming up with we all agree like hey please don't do this but they're like just so you know it's coming it's gonna suck but it's coming yeah please stop yeah yeah it's funny to yeah because they say like it is they're like well it's coming you're like yeah are y'all not in charge of like the reason it's coming because their whole mindset is like if i don't do it somebody else is gonna well no you you just stop doing it just yeah let's just take a break take a quick break let's reassess yeah maybe this isn't the best thing ever well i was like because a a a thing i was trying to add to it and i'm still messing with but i you know it people, someone, you know, there's people being born now that are going to live in the 3000.
Right. You're like, well, what is that? Right.
That's crazy. Wait, no, they're going to live in the 20, if they did, if there were a hundred, it'd be 21.
Dude, you know, it's so funny. I'm so dumb.
Well, we're done. That would be a great tiktok yeah yeah i said that on stage like i've been saying that the past two nights and uh i was in my head i was like this ain't getting what i thought it should be getting and then uh that's you know what it is though because we're of a certain age where we saw the change yeah from 19 you know the 2000s so we're like holy fuck we feel like we're in a certain age where we saw the change from 19,

you know,

the 2000.

So we're like,

holy fuck.

We feel like we're in a,

yeah,

no,

that's,

I mean,

it's 20.

Like my kids will live to like 2100.

Yeah. That makes,

that's not as fun as 3000.

I think you should keep doing the 3000.

Dude,

I said it.

Because you took me for a second.

I was like,

damn,

you're right.

Modern medicine.

You never know.

You never know.

That's right.

You're very nice.

You help me. I mean, just keep bouncing around, dude i i like that you did this though because uh you're a lot of your set is you know self-deprecation about not being the smartest person and that was very authentic like you're not you're not putting on not you know neither are we yeah yeah because i you i had you had me for a second yeah i was like yeah 3 000 That's crazy.
That is crazy. And that would be crazy.
Yeah. I said that on stage.

And it's in front of 4,000 people. I'm like, right, everybody? And I'm like, man, this thing, I ain't getting what I think I should be getting out of this.
I thought that last night. They're going to become like avatars.
They're going to exist online like the matrix yeah and then they might they might live in 3000 yeah we don't know that we don't know you said it with confidence i was like yeah wait yeah but wait no i'm dumb yeah so then you start to doubt yourself yeah um when it comes to your writing process are you are you like hypercritical do you micromanage yourself do you go back and watch specials and you know watch anything that you tape and say okay that joke didn't get as big a pop as this one need to retool that one or is it mostly about like what you remember in the flow of your shows in terms of like okay i'm going to keep this part and maybe add something new it's it's the flow i mean you kind of you kind of figured out like starting in i started in chicago i lived here for two years and then new y York was where I really, it was eight and a half years there.

We would all kind of write on stage and you kind of do it.

And you just kind of go, it's filling the audience.

And so I do it like that.

I don't really watch the old sets or I should watch more.

I never really did that.

But you just kind of go in the moment.

You just fill it and you go like, all right, this is not, you know,

I didn't really feel like that got what I thought it should have got.

So I either need to present it.

I've been... really did that but it was but you just kind of go in the moment you just feel it and you go like all right like this is not you know I didn't really feel like that got what I thought it should have got so I either need to present it I mean this morning we were riding over and I was talking about because a lot a lot of new stuff I have in the front of my hour now and so I was trying to be like well I got to reword I was like I think I gotta get into this quicker sometimes you can think you need something this long thing and then it's to set up something and you're like i just need to get into it yeah yeah instead of there the setup is too long and too it doesn't really matter and you can feel it and i can feel it when because when the jokes are tight and they're ready to go uh you just start hitting at it it just starts starts the crowd just a lot better.
Like I have a joke about community college and like that, that one I've been doing. And so, you know, I do 10 minutes up top.
That's still messing around. And then it's like, I get into this community college.
I know no one knows. And it just starts hitting.
Right. Because that thing as SNL is every, a lot of people, especially at this crowd have seen that snl monologue and that's all my new hour yeah and so when i do those jokes especially this weekend it's felt like everybody's like yeah yeah we know this joke we've heard it because they've just watched it were you worried about that burning it i i was but snl i understood the opportunity i was getting that it's like you can't i don't i you know i don't have the clout to go like i'll just mess around yeah like i knew when i you know the the an audience of snl versus the people even though you know we're selling i'm doing arena you're doing all these big things but there's a mainstreamness a mainstreamness to SNL that it's, that there was a lot of people that are going to see that, that don't know who I am.
So you're, you know, it was like a, you got to go back to prove like, all right, I got to really prove that I, to these people that, you know, I'm, I'm worth their 10 minutes to watch this monologue or whatever it is. Yeah.
mean i also think it was a great appetizer and i i am a believer too like a funny comedy special i'll re-watch i don't care like it's funny is funny yeah i mean you don't really i i i'm gonna have to just keep doing it i'll be interesting to see in two months what the crowd feels like if they've kind of like i can be back doing these jokes i mean i'll a little bit. I'll, there'll be inklings of it.
I bet some stuff gets a little dropped or here and there. But overall, it's like, you're kind of like, yeah, this is part of my hour.
You're like showing a glimpse of your hour and then being like, all right, here's this hour. And then, you know, it goes back into my act.
But this, it was very interesting this weekend. We're going to get back to Nate Bargatze in a second.
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So everyone should listen to Nate has a podcast called the Nate Land podcast. I was listening to it and I got a bone to pick with you.
Cause you were talking about some of the stuff that didn't make it to SNL.

And you were talking about a skit based around people who don't put cases on their phones.

Yeah.

And I really needed to see that.

Cause I've been for 10 years now,

a no case guy and I've stood on the table for it.

And like I,

now I have money.

So people are like,

Oh,

you'll just go get a new one.

But I wrote a blog like literally 11 years ago when I had no money being like the biggest thrill in life is having no case and when you drop it being like well that that's probably gonna be bad it's the best yeah it's the best feeling in the world so it's one of life's greatest like small thrills that you can have where every time i'm holding my phone it's life or death yeah so i got i'm just now this is the first time i've ever done no case you go no case yeah i am yeah it's the first time i've done it feel good yeah and it's uh well it just looks very nice it's smaller yeah it was meant to be held like steve jobs made it isn't that what apple care is for right yeah i have apple care right i do too so i think that's yeah i thought that's what it was for sometimes though they really get you because i've broken my phone before and I'm like but I have Apple care and Right, I do too. So I think that's, yeah, I thought that's what it was for.
Sometimes, though, they really get you because I've broken my phone before and I'm like, but I have AppleCare. And they're like, yeah, but you did such a number on it.
You really broke it. Yeah.
Because I'll just drop it like getting out of my car onto cement and it will just be such a shatter job. Yeah.
But again, it's thrilling. Like I've saved it kicking it before.
Yeah. Like kicking it to myself.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah myself. Those are moments that I'll just cherish forever.
Yeah, the idea that I thought of that, because you can tell them sketch ideas too. They wrote that one out, and it just wasn't, because sometimes the sketch could be, it's like that joke is funny, but I don't know if it can stand on its own sketch.
But they did like it, and they wrote it out. But, yeah, because I just thought of it because I was like, I don't have one.
And then people really get upset. Yeah, they do.
I think they root for you. Yeah.
Oh, absolutely. And they want you to drop your phone.
Yeah. They want to see it.
They want to see you in paint. It does look elegant.
The phone looks sleek. It's a beautiful phone.
It is a beautiful phone. And And I mean, if you see somebody that has a perfectly clean screen with no cracks, you're like, that person's not any fun.
Yeah. You know, like if I, if a girl has a cracked iPhone, you're like, she's trouble.
But I kind of like her. Oh, yeah.
Yeah. You see people have phones where you're like, what were you doing? Yeah.
Like, what is your life? They're like cutting their finger while they're trying to use it,

but they won't stop using it.

They won't.

Yeah.

They won't go.

Yeah.

You're like,

can you not change it out?

Just scrolling on Instagram.

I respect those people.

They live life on the edges.

Yeah.

Yeah.

They don't,

they're like,

you know,

it's people that don't take their phone as serious,

which is a good thing.

Right.

Right.

Right.

Exactly.

There's another clean comedian out there.

I'm not,

you probably are aware of him. He's a little but um dan nanan do you know dan uh the clean comedian that lies about his age may then they heard the story i don't know he is he is one of my favorite people online he's been saying that he's like 28 years old for the last i don't know 15 years yeah and he's very clearly.
Yeah. And he won't admit that he's not in his 20s anymore.
He's got like a psychological block against it. Yeah.
What's his, how do you spell his last name? I think it's N-A-I-N-A-N. Nainan? Dan Nainan? Yeah.
I think I know who that is. That guy is my favorite person.
Yeah. Because I honestly think that guy was with, I remember him when I started.
Yeah. And so.
He was 28 then. He's 28 now.
Maybe he's 28 then. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think I remember him when I started. If I'm not, I don't want to say positively, but I feel pretty confident I remember him.
And this is back in message board days and all this, but I remember him being there. And I mean, I've done it for 20 years so uh i do i think i remember that name 20 20 years is crazy to be doing it so he was eight yeah he was eight years old started yeah yeah jokes about he's a prodigy yeah he's before pete davidson yeah i remember pete coming and pete was 14 or 50 yeah when we first started seeing Pete come around.
Yeah. But this guy was.
Yeah. When did you start doing comedy? When did you have enough material where you could actually get on stage and be able to relate to somebody with your jokes? Well, it was 2003.
I moved here. I took a comedy class here.
Jim Roth, he does a comedy college. And it was, I wouldn't say you needed a class for, you know, but I just didn't, you don't know what to do.
It's like very intimidating to start comedy. You know, it's, you don't know, you just need to be, you want to be around people that are also like starting.
And so you at least feel like you can make a friend and all this. And, uh, so I started, I started here and It's hard to do five minutes.
Then I went to New York, and then you're going up every night, and you're doing five minutes, seven minutes, and then you just slowly, just over time, get going. It wasn't until my first TV thing was like 2008, I think, 7, 8.
Was it Second City that you started? I took a little class at Second City, but this one was just stand-up. But I took about an eight-week course at Second City.
The thing I didn't like about improv is I knew I wanted to be clean. And with improv, you've got to go with the group.
Right. And I knew, you know, it's like, well, you're going to go down.
I was just, I didn't like that. I wasn't in control of where it was going.
When they hand you an invisible dildo, you can't be like, well, you're like, yeah, hello. Banana.
I actually, I took, I took a improv class. I signed up for an improv class at second city after I'd started at Barstool.
Cause I was like, I I was like, I'm going to try to get funnier. And I went to one class.
I paid like 500 bucks. And it was all like kids in their early 20s.
And they had a bathroom break in an hour in. And I just left and never came back.
Yeah. Because I was like, I can't do this.
Yeah. Like, this isn't for me.
I'm just going to keep writing blogs and hope it works out works out well it's like anything just do what you're right know how to do and you will learn within that thing how to do all the other stuff yeah was there was there a moment in those 20 years where you thought it wasn't going to happen because it is i mean you've been you've arrived a long time ago obviously this last like month and a half has been pretty crazy which i'm sure it's funny for people to say, wow, you're really blown up. It's like, well, I've had some pretty successful specials the last five years.
I've been doing pretty good. But was there a moment where you're like, this might not work? I just can't break through? I don't know if I ever felt.
I remember one time my wife being like, well, how long would you be doing this before? But I was just like, I'll be doing it forever. Yeah.
And then that was the only time we've ever talked about it. That's a good combo.
Yeah. I mean, it's like you got to go like, well, this is all I know.
Yeah. That's what I tell people.
If you do anything, you have to be obsessed with it. And if you're not obsessed with it and willing to basically just be like, no, I'll do that.
There is no backup plan. You really are probably not going to make it because it's you just can't have a backup yeah no that that's very similar to like this world not uh you're more successful than us but having that moment where like i started blogging i mean y'all are enormous but but i well thank you but i started blogging and i was like well i'll just go back to like corporate america in a couple years it doesn't work out and then getting a couple years in and being like no i think this is this is my But that's what you do.
You go, you know, I'll just go back to like corporate America in a couple of years. It doesn't work out.
And then getting a couple of years in and being like, no, I think this is, this is my job. But that's what you do.
You go, I'll, you know, I know what I can go back to. Right.
I can't like, you know, I'm not, I've talked about now. I was a water meter eater in, uh, in Mount Julia.
And I, so I knew I could go back to that. It was a job.
The guy I started with, he, he's, uh, went back and he's working. He so i knew there was a job i was like i knew i had any job i knew i had a job i could go back to and so you have that but then once you in it i don't know if you ever think i mean did you think like you don't ever think you're not gonna make it right because we got it did burn the boats too we've said so much dumb stuff right yeah you can't go unemployable anywhere else in amer except here right so like i could go back i could go back to being a dog adoption counselor in austin at some point that's probably the only job i'm still qualified to do right now but we've worked ourselves in a situation where like this is our world now yeah i had that moment where i was like i i don't think i could even have a resume anymore yeah what would my resume what would i would i down? Like I blogged for 10 years? Yeah, yeah.
You'd have to. Yeah, I don't know.
I mean, I'm in the same thing where it's, I don't know. It's freeing though.
Once you take that step over the line, you're like, this is it. Well, creating is, you know, I mean, that's what you create, I create.
When's the, it's the best because you're in control of it. Yeah.
Where you have like this, you know, the strikes are all going on and stuff, all these things that kind of, you know, you feel bad for actors. Like I always thought that with acting is like, you got to hope they want you.
That's it's not in your hands. And so when you're a standup or when you're you're doing this you create it so you're in you're it's up to you if you want to do it and that's a very freeing feeling to have to just go like i'm not relying on someone else yeah what's your favorite part of the process is it when you come up with something that you you personally enjoy and you're like you know what this that's a good joke i'm very happy with it or was it is it when somebody else like you deliver it to an audience and they laugh at it and you're like okay that hit that landed that's great yeah new joke is is is the best feeling in the world yeah when you have something new i had one little new thing that i added in uh this weekend on something and it and it just started hitting so hard and that's because you're i mean you haven't you haven't told her, you're not tired of it.
You're not, you know, cause you can get tired sometimes telling some of this stuff. Cause you might, I mean, you're telling hundreds and hundreds of times, uh, to, to fix it, to find it, to whatever.
And so when you get something new, I mean, it's man, it's just like, cause you got, you know, it's like you never know what you're got.

As a creator, you don't, it's not like you have a plan.

You only can go out so far.

And so when you come up with something new, it's like, well, now, all right, I bought some time.

You feel like you bought time to go like, well, now I got this.

It's like still got it.

It's like a reminder that you're not completely falling off yet.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's a cool way to think.

A new joke feeling.

Yeah.

That's got to be right up there.

How's your golf game?

I mean, I'm an eight.

That's pretty damn good.

Yeah.

It's probably even worse now.

It hasn't been great.

I haven't been able to play.

I need to play.

And I just haven't been able to play.

It's just such a big time commitment and it's just,

everything's got busy. And so mentally it takes so much to do it.

So I'll go play when I go home and just play at my course and, you know,

where I can just run around and it's not like a whole pressured,

you're not playing somewhere that's the nicest place in the world.

And, you know, you're just like, I'll just hit around and whatever.

But, uh, hopefully I'll, it got COVID. I mean, COVID was, you know you're just like i'll just hit around whatever but uh hopefully i'll it got covid i mean covid was you know i played every day then yeah yeah with the holes that had the like cup filler remember those yeah yeah just walk around outside how many lives did those save uh i don't know probably millions but i mean people shot some low scores yeah because i mean You just brush that little pool noodle you're like yeah got it birdie going 30 miles an hour covid was actually a great thing for america if you if you look at our handicaps our handicaps all went down yeah yeah now we're all regretting it because now you're down there and you're like man this is not yeah yeah if you're playing if you're playing against someone you're like damn i wish i didn't have that covid score on there yeah what uh so you're you're from nashville you do you root for vandy not tennessee yeah i'm a big oh that's unfortunate yeah it was uh growing up uh we i we had my mom worked at vandy she in the ticket office for a little bit my i had a cousin that coach there in the seventies.
And so we just kind of grew up around Vandy. And, uh, so yeah, I've always been a Vandy fan.
I've, you know, I think it's built character in me. Yeah.
Like it's, uh, adds a lot. I, I, I, I'm a giant, I love Vandy family.
We got baseball now. Baseball is great.
Bowling. I say we're, uh, quite the problem for teams in women's bowling.
Women's bowling? Yeah, we're not. You do not want to.
Okay. Yeah.
I do think that rooting for a bad team does build character, though. Oh, for sure.
You're definitely right about that. Oh.
We both root for the worst NFL teams. He's a Bears fan.
I'm a Commanders fan. If we were successful, if we rooted for, like, the Patriots, then people would absolutely hate our guts.
Yeah. Yeah.
Well, that's when you can see there's a lot of kids. I remember LeBron was he's like a Yankees, Cowboys fan.
And there's that age where you're like, are you kidding me, dude? But then he went to play for Cleveland. So you're like, alright.
I mean, he was in it. But yeah, you're like, well, I mean, I mean, I don't know the Cowboys are not doing good now.
Yeah. There's probably, there's a whole generation of people who picked up the Cowboys and they're like, wait, we were, we thought we'd win every year.
Yeah. It's been like 25 years where they haven't won anything.
Yeah. Yeah.
You got to go through that. Yeah.
That's, it's nice to just be like, golly, just you think, I mean, your heart gets broken so much. Yeah.
I saw Vandy. We played – I remember in like 95 or 6 or something, we played LSU.
LSU was ranked 7th. We're not ranked.
And it's 7 to nothing. And then we score a touchdown with 13 seconds left.
So it's 7-6. And so we're going to go for 2 because it doesn't – you know, it doesn't.
And I mean, I was at the game. You're like, this is the greatest thing we're about to beat.
I mean, if we get it, we're going to beat LSU. We had all the momentum.
We get back to back delay game penalties and then kick like a 90 yard extra point that gets blocked and then lose the game. And it's stuff that you're like, i couldn't have even guessed that that's what was

going to happen yeah you thought all right worst case we just don't get it but we tried back to back delay and then the next day because this one you had to read in the paper about the interviews next day they ask uh it was woody woodenhoffer passed away but he woody uh they asked him uh they go what play were you going to do he goes out the same play you're like then what What were y'all talking about over there?

Because just there was no change.

There was nothing.

But here. They go, what play were you going to do? He goes, oh, the same play.
You're like, then what were y'all talking about over there?

Because there was no change.

There was nothing.

But here's the one positive thing about being a Vandy fan

is it's every other team in the SEC's nightmare to lose to Vandy.

You have that over them.

You could lose 20 in a row, but if you beat them once,

like LSU, Alabama, all these teams, they would be completely mortified, and it would ruin their year. So you have that eternal spoiler.
Cutler beat Tennessee for the first time in 20-something years. I have the DVD of that game at home.
And it's, I mean, that was one of the greatest days. That's what I mean.
If you're, say you just become a Chiefs fan now, right?

And you've seen them win all these Super Bowls now.

It's like the appreciation of, I mean, we didn't even go to a bowl game that year that we beat Tennessee.

But we beat Tennessee.

Yeah.

And it hurt them so bad.

You beat Florida in the swamp, too.

We beat Florida in the swamp.

That was, yeah.

So when you do those, I mean, that is my national championship. Yeah, right.
And so you appreciate it at a level that's... Yeah, and it completely ruined.
There's a Florida fan and a Tennessee fan listening to this right now being like, God damn it, Cutler did beat us in the swamp. Yeah, yeah.
And they're still upset about it. It's being from a small town kind of feeling where you're like, yeah, I i'm not in the big city i don't know how that is yeah so we don't get talked about much i mean i've been watching espn or if you see i remember just trying to see if your team would get talked about if they were you know like if we had a good weekend and then you're like dude i mean they might like you know part of the eruption might talk about us or someone might talk about And then you get to hear people talk about vanity and you're you just are like i can't believe you know because it's they're not you know they're just talking about the main yeah no biggest market we get that on this show where we'll talk about you know a cool story or a smaller team and people like thank you for talking about this yeah like thank you for giving us three minutes on on this team yeah we don't need much right yeah right just be like they're good they're good yeah and you're like they are good rewind i make game day they were not going to show that vandy auburn pick no and they did that just because i was on they're like i would start with vandy auburn what was that was that like on game day any pressure to get your picks right I don't know I wanted to again you're going to such a giant thing

and What was that like on game day? Any pressure to get your picks right? I don't know. I wanted to, again, you're going to such a giant thing.
And obviously, being from the South, game day is a giant thing for us. For everybody that's in college football.
But game day is such a big thing. And so I went, we kind of said, I was like, I just wanted to have it.
You have like know 5-10 seconds for every pick so I was trying to just come up and just have a joke with everything so just everything I got to we just went through it and like just be like just let me have one little quick little joke whether you know be the best like joke I could come up with for what it was so I was I think I did good I think Arizona beat UCLA they did i think i had three losses yeah and and you also pissed off all of oklahoma which is good yeah because that's like that's really the key to college football discourse is like you got to make at least one fan hate you so much yeah i never want to do that and i it was it's impossible not to it's impossible i mean that was that was just that was in the moment i did not think of that until in the moment but then i'm you know you're surrounded by all sec yeah uh i was just trying to make a joke and that was the only i just in the moment i was like i'll just say this and then i just said it and then afterwards yeah people college football fans can get very upset you're gonna get it like when oklahoma hangs 60 on vandy you're gonna get so many people being like oh yeah yeah yeah yeah i expect it yeah they're like yeah yeah but they're thinking about it they're waiting for that moment they're waiting for that moment that's the best part about college football is you say one thing it could be a throwaway line and people will remember it for years and years and years to shove it back in your face yeah i wonder I wonder when we play. But imagine, all you have to do is just beat them once.
If you beat, if you beat, oh, if you beat them the first time. Oh, my God.
If Vandy beat Oklahoma. Yeah.
Oh, man. You're building something, man.
You're building something. That's why I love college football, though.
People are so psycho and everyone's psycho. Like, it's not like, oh, there's a rational fan base out there.
base out there no no everyone has their own quirks every fan base is weird in their own special way and rational ones are the one that went to that school yeah it's the people that couldn't go i mean yeah you're i'm sure vanderbilt a team that i could never get in that school right and then you're you become teams of all this stuff that's like oklahoma all this what yeah that's actually insane that you became a Vanderbilt fan without without going to Vanderbilt it's like you chose this life yeah I mean I was yeah you just kind of it's torture yeah you just get into it yeah you're yeah a lot of two wins that's zero wins yeah it's like a lot of people say like you believe it's gonna win I mean dude the beginning of the season you're like dude we might I mean Oh, yeah. You put up.
You played Hawaii and you beat them. We beat them.
This season, I thought, I go, we might be undefeated going into Georgia. And I believed it in my heart.
And you just because you're. That's what I love about sports is you have a.
You just have this. You go, I don't know how we're not going to yeah yeah no i mean yeah i go show me where we're gonna lose yeah you're asking your other friends point at the game at worst we're nine wins yeah i go at work i go if you're lucky i'll give you i'll give you a we have one loss i give you i give you a georgia might be yeah i'll give you that that's why august is my favorite month i wish i could go back there right now because I'm a Bears in Wisconsin Badger.
I went to Wisconsin, and it's like there's many clips of me being like, yeah, I think Bears are going to win 11 games, and Wisconsin's like 10 or 11 as well. And both are not even close.
But that two weeks preceding football season, where you're just walking around and being like, anything can happen. You know, so you're a Commanders fan.
I was a Redskins fan when I grew up, because we didn't have the Titans. Now I'm a Titans fan.
But when they were, the Washington football team was the best, that was the best name in the world. I agree.
And it made me, when that name came out, I go, I saying these other names yeah yeah exactly why are we it should be the tennessee football team and it should be you know you're like oh the titans are the dolphins and you're like this feels stupid yeah exactly you're like a philadelphia fan you wrote for like a cartoon bird yeah yeah great job we. We're a football team.
We play football. Yeah.

None of this candy ass stuff.

Yeah.

It made it.

I like,

and it never thought about it until they were the Washington football team.

I was like,

well,

that's the best name I've ever heard in my life.

Yeah.

I kind of hope they go back to it.

I don't think they're going to stay with the commanders.

I think they're going to go back either to the football team,

maybe the hogs.

We might be the hogs cartoon pig would be kind of fun,

but the hogs would be good.

But I, I it's, I think the whole league should just go, just say the city you're from yeah yeah you know yeah the miami football team and you're like perfect yeah i agree football yeah we line up and play football we line up yeah we don't need these are grown men yeah because the dolphins we have a theory like the dolphins very good team but when you take those jerseys the aqua and and the orange and all that, and you put them in like Buffalo or Pittsburgh in like a December game, you can't win that game. That is true.
You just can't. It's just the jersey.
It's got a summer vibe. Right.
It's like you can't play football in those jerseys in January. Yeah, that is interesting.
Yeah. Yeah, you need a little more hard.
Your colors need to be a little harder.

And this is also why I'm a lifelong loser betting,

because I'm betting on football jerseys.

Yeah, being a Dolphin fan is probably so fun right now.

Yeah, we can't beat any good teams.

Just lost today.

Yeah.

It's fun, but you also have to think in the back of your head,

like, we might be frauds.

Yeah, which is the worst thing that could happen.

You'd much rather be like, I know my team is bad.

Or I know my team is good.

But being the frauds where it's like, oh, our record is good.

But every time we play a good team, we lose.

That's the worst feeling in sports.

I like Mike McDowell's a lot.

I met him.

Dan Soder, a comedian.

Yes, his childhood friends.

Yeah, yeah.

And so we met him when he was at the Redskins, the commanders.

The Washington football team. And so we met him then.
and he was like before San Francisco, he's like coming up. And so it's super fun to see.
Yeah, he's come up. Yeah, where he's at now.
Yeah. All right, I have one last question.
This has been awesome, Nate. We really appreciate you taking the time.
Oh, yeah, thanks for having me. Roback question, R-H-O-B-A-C-K.com, promo code TAKE.
Roback.com, promo code polos hoodies joggers shorts everything roback.com promo code take so a little bit of a personal question that i actually i might be projecting but how long do you think you could do comedy do you can you do it for the rest of your life or is it something in your head you're like i'm gonna be 65 doing this and again i might be projecting because i ask myself this all the time like yeah I mean uh i mean seinfeld does it he's yeah 68 good point uh cosby did it for you know as long as he could he turned out great he turned out great uh as long as he could is a great yeah yeah i mean his age didn't stop him uh and then you know, Don Rickles was 90. Yeah.

I mean, when Don Rickles got up there, I think it was pretty tough. It just, they get so old.
They're older. I mean, Steve Martin and Martin Short still go out.
They're 78 maybe, or I don't know how old Martin Short, but they're that old. So comedy is a great thing that you can.
You build your audience. and if you keep growing with your audience,

I mean, I think you hit an age

where you're not getting new fans right but the people that do like you are just kind of keep going with you and you just keep putting stuff out yeah so i i do think you can do it for as long as you want to it's tiring to come up with stuff that's i mean you guys will know that creating stuff can be exhausting and you're just kind of non-stop so it'd be nice to be like you know just where you can go I'll go out when I want to go out Seinfeld right now can just go you know what I'm gonna go to Philadelphia and then he's like let's go set it up or he's coming here to Chicago next week with Gaffigan him and Gaffigan are doing shows together and shows together. And, you know, you can mix, you know, can do some stuff like that.
It's like that's kind of some fun things. Yeah.
I do hope to create stuff that can outlive, like, where I don't have to go out and do shows. Right.
But I think I'll always do shows. I really, I mean, telling a joke.
Live audience. That was the thing about Saturday Night Live.
Performing in front of a live audience in Saturday Night Live, it's so much fun. Yeah.
And it's just your timing is good. It's just the greatest thing to go do something live.
And so that's the thing that I think I would be addicted to is you want to get out in front of a crowd and be like, I want to make them laugh in the moment and all this kind of stuff. Yeah.
You don't really hear about comedians retiring that much. It's like hanging up and saying, you know what? I'm just going to stop being funny.
Yeah. Yeah.
They don't. Bill Ingvall, I think, kind of retired recently.
But I mean, it's like he'll still pop up and do some benefits. You're still going to get asked to do stuff.
So I think you just kind of do it. You know, Foxworthy, I know, goes around.
You just, the goal is to hopefully do it how you want to do it. Yeah.
Where you can go. Yeah.
I'm going out. I go out twice a month or something.
Yeah. And then whatever.
Instead of now where it's like, just like, I look at like going, I'll, I'll get to 50 and then I'll be, I'm 44. So I always thought 40 to 50 will be my, you know, it's like, that'll be a giant run.
And let me see where I'm at at 50. And you know, I might be like, well, I'm looking.
I mean, right you know it's like that would be a giant run and let me see where i'm at at 50 and you know i might be like well i'm looking i mean it's yeah right now it's like you're you're to the moon yeah yeah well it's crazy so hopefully people don't get i don't want to be too much around i try to not do i mean this is a bit a lot this week but does it ever bother you when people say you're the nicest guy in comedy that would bother me uh no no i like i mean i don't you know you are like the nice guy but you know nice is sometimes seen as like oh he's nice yeah yeah well i don't want people to think it's fake you know yeah no it's not fake it's like i mean i've like because i always i think people think i'm very driven i'm very you know with comedy i can take comedy very serious I have all that stuff

but then it's also I just want to be nice

I just want to be nice to

you know when you meet people

people that come into your shows and stuff like that

I just don't ever think the weight of my world should be on

an audience's shoulders

and so it's like I don't want them

to ever worry about it I'm there to entertain you

and that relationship should be that

I think it's also just like the idea of a

comedian people can't really be like

hey he's a really good person because comedians like he's like oh well they're you know making jokes at everyone's expense and that but that's obviously not you so i think it's like well that's why i make fun of myself right yeah right and i or my fan yeah and it's and if so i if i'll just i never liked making fun of someone because i just feel bad right and so then now I can just – the way I do my hour now is like I've stumbled on this. I write it where it feels like – I feel like a movie.
Like I'm just – even these are real stories, but it's like I'm a character in a movie. When you're up there, you're like I'm kind of just reading a movie.
Yeah. And so I just want you to picture me like Adam Sand or you know it's him making fun of himself and all these movies and uh it's it's that kind of feeling where you just want to be like this is just trying to be fun i'm in this movie i'm just kind of this yeah fun dumb guy going through all this kind of stuff well yeah like i said i saw you on friday night i was dying laughing you're insanely talented uh and thank you again for by.
We love having you on. Anytime you're in town, maybe hit the golf simulator.
I know, I know. This is such an unreal space.
It is very cool. Yeah, we're very excited.
Yeah, I would be. I definitely would be excited.
It's fun to come to work. Yeah, yeah.
Without a doubt. All right, well, thanks so much, Nate.
Appreciate it. Actually, he was right, and then he was wrong about being wrong about him.
He did an emergency spaces last night on Twitter. That means he's feeling it.
He's got to be doing more than that. To start listening, download the Amazon music app or visit amazon.com slash barstool 23 that's amazon.com slash barstool 23 okay the triumphant return of guys on chicks Hank how's your reading voice doing great I was born to read the triumphant return of guys on chicks hank was born to read.
The triumphant return of Guys on Chicks. Hank was born to read.
He's a reader through and through. Henry.
Guys on Chicks. Hi, PMT.
Breaking Moose. This comes from Dove Kleinman.
He is saying that there is saying that there is a rumor. Thank you, Max.
Owner Robert Kraft could move on from Coach Bill Belichick if they lose in Germany to the Colts via the Boston Globe. That's interesting.
From the report, based on my conversation, I don't think it's 100% that Belichick finishes out the season.

I have the hiccups.

Could they leave him in Germany?

Dolph Klein is not a real person.

This report sounds real.

It's via the Boston Globe.

Ever heard of it?

Hold on, I have more.

They did spotlight, Hank.

If Belichick comes home from Germany with a 2-8 record,

I think there's a chance the Crafts could make the move in the bye week

and install Jared Mayo as the interim coach for the final seven games.

Wait, but Big Cat, I have a question.

Didn't he just sign an extension this offseason?

He did.

Oh, also in that same report, it says that it was an extension through 2024.

So it's a one year.

What was that noise, Hank?

What did you say?

What was that noise, Hank?

I'm sorry, Max cut my headphones too.

Thoughts, Hank?

Max cut my headphones.

People would like to know your thoughts. About what this report.
You want me to read it all again from the start? No. Just went in Germany and this is a must win for Belichick.
It's a must win in every sense of the word. Yeah, every game is a must win.
I'm not fucking stupid. He's literally coaching for his job.
Yeah. It's his job to coach.
Correct. He's always coaching for his job.
Also, I feel like any time a team is bad and they're playing overseas, the go-to joke is leave blank in blank. Yeah, leave him on the tarmac.
Yeah. Don't bring him home.
I feel like Belichick would have fun if he got left in Germany. Yeah, he would.
I feel like if Belichick he'd go on an awesome bender go hang out with your girlfriend yeah like if he got he's he's been fired before with the browns this time he's fired he's got six rings who the fuck cares he's got probably hundreds of millions of dollars going to count the defensive coordinator rings like that he's got eight rings well do we as a head coach he's got six yeah but he's got eight rings. Well, do we?

As a head coach, he's got six.

Yeah, but he's got eight.

Okay.

It's a team.

So you count all those?

Okay.

That's fine.

Absolutely.

Bless you.

Bless you.

Bless you.

I mean, he's a defensive coordinator.

It's not like he was like special teams assistant.

Yeah, but I just think it's interesting that he might get fired as head coach,

and there's two other guys that are sitting in the same room as you

that are looking for head coaches.

Now, wouldn't that be something if one of us got him?

Yeah, it would be something.

Yeah.

It would definitely be something.

Which team would you rather he go to, the Commanders or the Bears?

Probably the, I don't know.

I mean, at least the Commanders have a new owner,

and they might turn things around.

The Bears are currently a dumpster fire with no turnaround in sight.

Maybe the oldest owner.

So at least the commanders have a new owner, and they might turn things around. The Bears are currently a dumpster fire with no turnaround in sight.
The oldest owner. So at least the commanders, like they are a horrible franchise with just a history of losing over and over and over again and breaking players, losing good players, losing all their good coaches.
But that was kind of the old regime, And maybe the new regime can be a little better.

So I want Harbaugh, so I don't care.

I would take Belichick.

I just want to say that for the record, I think Bill Belichick is a good head coach and I would like to see him coaching my team.

Especially if it's instead of Hank's team.

I think I want Harbaugh in Chicago more than anything I've ever wanted in my life.

Mello?

I did want Mello very badly.

Yeah. Didn't get him.
Hey, PMT. my life mellow i did want mellow very badly yeah didn't go uh hey pmt hey hey my boyfriend has lost so much lately that not even my roommate wants to sleep with him what can i do to make him feel better he says he just wants to focus on work but i heard from one of his co-workers that he's having trouble hitting a button three times a week Oh man This is so fucking funny My girlfriend's roommate I didn't read this Boyfriend That was the question? Read this start My boyfriend has lost so much lately that not even my roommate wants to say Oh that's such a great setup This is That might not be about Max, though.
Yeah, that could be about anyone. So let's answer this.
All right. This guy sounds like he might be going on a diet.
So that's good. Maybe he'll get his libido back.
I think what he needs to do, turn it around, is first of all, he needs to dedicate himself to his job. If you can find success professionally, then you feel better about yourself.
So if you get really into doing your job well all the time, that would be a good idea. Second, we can learn from Arthur Smith a little bit.
Change up the facial hair. Maybe take the beard off and I'm just assuming this guy has a beard.
If you're sad and if you're losing, you grow a beard. It's your sadness.
It's escaping your face. I cut my hair.
Wait, whoa, what? What do you mean you? This isn't about you. I cut my hair.
I was just letting you guys know. You are a narcissist.

I'm letting you know.

Are you so sad that you won't even sleep with your girlfriend's roommate?

I do not sleep with my girlfriend's roommate.

You did once.

You did.

You slept with her.

You did once.

I fell asleep.

You literally slept with her.

What happens after you fall asleep?

What are you doing?

Where did you fall asleep?

Or where did you wake up? Did you or did you not sleep together? This was so long ago. Like, why? This shouldn't be still talked about.
I've realized Hank's kind of like Ron Burgundy on the teleprompter. Yeah, you could do anything.
Yeah, facts. That's how great of a reader he is.
He's born to read. My boyfriend is a big soup guy and loves to make it.
He's been exploring new recipes of different soups that he finds on TikTok and are a good amount. And some are good and some aren't so good.
Chicken noodle is his best soup that he makes. That was worded incorrectly.
Chicken noodle is his best soup that he makes, but also makes it at least three times a month. How do I go about telling him that some of the new soup recipes are not good and telling him that he makes chicken noodle soup too often? Sounds like a soup hater.
Yeah, this is a hater for sure. Like, he's experimenting.
Your complaint is that your boyfriend switches up the soups too much. Like, that's a good thing.
But then also at the same time, you're like, he makes the same soup all the time. I don't understand that.
Like that like first of all if he has a good soup recipe that he makes three times a month isn't that much it's really not and soup is like if you want a meal you can get a meal soup is just great to have whenever you need it and a little soup pack here for all my broth heads out there if you make a good chicken noodle soup you can switch it up a little bit a chicken noodle soup can turn into an avgolomono greek soup that's a greek chicken soup which is my favorite soup in the world it can also turn into a chicken tortilla soup if you add in you know like some uh some peppers some corn some tortilla strips so you can make variations off the chicken noodle soup but yeah this sounds like you don't know what you want also sounds like you just need more crackers i'm a big crackers guy in soup. Any type of soup.
Just more crackers. Spice it up.
Hey, boys. Hey.
My boyfriend and I have lived together for over a year now and have been talking for years. He's always been into sports, but after moving in together, I've come to know what that truly means.
When can I expect to have my boyfriend back? He likes the Steelers, Penguins, and Michigan football. Come on.
He's got a lot going on. I mean, if you didn't know this obsession before he moved in.
Also, the answer is May, June, July. Yeah.
He sounds like a Pittsburgh fan. The good news is because he's a Pittsburgh fan, he probably doesn't watch any basketball.
Or baseball. Yeah.
So you're you get you get almost a third of the year with your boyfriend yeah don't don't push it every guy's sports addiction is is like any other addiction they let you know they dabble in it but they hide from you how truly like the lengths that it goes to so when you see it in your face you're like wow that's that's way more sports than i thought you did you do a lot of sports do a lot of i could quit at any time, but I just, I love doing it goes to. So when you see it in your face, you're like, wow, that's, that's way more sports than I thought you did.

You do a lot of sports.

You do a lot of sports.

I could quit anytime,

but I just,

I love doing it.

Yeah.

All right.

Last one.

Hey,

father of three,

best college team in the nation.

PFT loser.

Did she specify which sport loser max?

She did not.

Could be three and very cool.

Jake,

my fiance has really bad gas. He rips a loud one right when we wake up as we're laying in bed at night during dinner literally all the time that sounds normal actually that's not during dinner is a little much he refuses to go see the doctor see if he has a problem and says it's just who i am i fart a lot and they smell that's part of being a man yes all men fart all the time? What's an acceptable amount of farts in a day? You know what? I've never kept track of how often I fart.
I would say... It's a game of runs.
Sometimes it's really bad. It's a really bad day.
Sometimes you don't fart at all. Well, yeah.
It's diet. So if you want to just start feeding them better food, you probably won't fart as much.
I've actually noticed the opposite. If I eat healthy, I have worse farts.
Salads are the worst farts. I was so excited to chime in.
Eating healthy makes you fart more, and that's just a fact. I don't know about that.
It might be because your body is so confused. It's like, what is a vegetable? But if you just eat protein, if you go caveman diet, I don't think caveman would probably be fine.
Yeah.

Caveman diet. I would just love to see that guy actually go to the doctor and he makes an appointment.
The doctor's like, what's the problem? He's like, I fart. He's like, pull my finger.
Yeah. The doctor, they just start farting in the room together, having a great time.
I would say baby steps. Dinner is an appropriate time to say, please don't fart every other time just let him be and as we always say

with guys on chicks if you just start farting he might stop you know like if if if you just start

farting in his face and you're like that's what i do i fart he's like oh all of a sudden farts

aren't that funny fight fire with fire if you fart exactly as often as he does he will stop i guarantee

you if you fart as much as him and then you're like hey let's make a pack to stop farting he will stop also just slip him some bino does that work yeah it does get on some bino i gotta start doing lines of bino bino does work um okay good show everyone everyone go uh if you're in Chicago, come to the Barstool Invitational.

If you're not, Barstool.tv.

Good reading, Hank.

6 p.m. Central is the first game tipping.

545, I think, is the anthem.

It's also on the Barstool Sports YouTube.

Ooh, on the YouTube as well.

After party at the River North Bar.

Hell yes.

Afterwards.

Okay.

Hank.

I'm going to be ripping that River North Bar. Hell yes.
Afterwards. Okay.
Hank. I'm going to be ripping that River North Bar.

Have you ever gotten this?

Gotten what?

The lottery ball.

Yeah, I have.

This one?

On the new machine?

No, I haven't.

Oh, that's too bad.

Have you?

Numbers.

18.

8.

17.

20.

What? What are you laughing about? 52. 3.
Where'd you get 52 from? Khalil Mack? It's not Khalil Mack. Yeah.
Let's go Khalil. Evan has 99.
10. Shane has 10.
Nice job, doofus. Fuck you, you freak.
Fuck you, you freak. Statistically, 17 is a horrible pick.
What's Evan's number? Evan has 99. Ooh.
It feels good. There's also 100.
Oh, yeah. Also, in the reveal video, 47 popped up, and I had a few people ask me.
That counts. That counts for them or for? Counts for the machine.
Okay. Officially.
I don't know if I can add it in because it wasn't an episode. We'll figure it out.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Let's go. You dickhead.
52. Hank gets it first.
You dickhead. Let's go.
Let's go. This is mine now.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
Khalil Mack. Big Cat took my number.
PFT took my number. I got it.
Big Cat took my number. I got it.
I looked around. I saw this bobblehead Khalil Mack sitting right behind Big Cat.
Bang! Bang! Bang! We have to get a new lottery. Wow.
I'm at my night is ruined. That's huge for him.
Shut up, Jake. You make this worse.
You make it worse. Great night tonight.
Boo. It's sad how much of your night and your life really is predicated on you guessing.
Are you guys talking about yourselves? No, yours is. Let's do another.

Let's do another.

17.

Counts?

Counts, counts, counts.

18.

20.

Let's go 34.

You're going Shaq now?

All right, I'll do 33.

Round in.

What do you guys guess?

What did you guys guess?

I don't think any of us are changing.

Yeah.

Chain 10.

Yeah.

God damn it, man. Only Hank changed.
Bill Belichick's going to leave you, and he's going to coach my team. Chain 10.
God damn it, Hank.

Bill Belichick's going to leave you and he's going to coach my team.

He's going to win the Super Bowl.

96.

Oh, fuck.

I thought that was 99 for Evan.

It wasn't even close.

96 looks a lot.

That's not even for me. Max, you can delete this.

Don't post it.

You could.

What if I didn't press the button?

Oh!

Soul patch for two years.

Why don't we just delete it?

Why don't we just start over?

Max, would it be worth it for you to have a soul patch for two years for Hank not to get it?

I would rather Hank get the lottery ball every single day.

You're such a piece of shit, Hank.

You lost your computer for seven days.

Where is that computer?

Did you hide it?

I don't have it.

No?

I don't fucking know.

I don't care.

So you're just not going to work?

I'll find it.

I'm going to enjoy this moment.

Show is over.

Love you guys.

I hate you so much.

It's part of my team.

The number one spot podcast on the charts

and in your hearts.

Hey, football guy.

But Dean of A.W.

Parton Mighty.

Yeah. Parton A.W.
Yeah, pardon my dick. Thank you.
Yeah, pardon my dick. Pardon my dick.
Pardon my dick. Pardon my dick.
Pardon my dick. Pardon my dick.
Pardon my dick. Pardon my Yeah.
Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.