Clinton Portis, Tiffany Gomas, NFL Week 9 Picks And Preview Plus Fyre Fest Max Forgot To Press The Button

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On today's part of my take, we have an incredible show for the people.

We have two guests.

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Talking Miami Hurricanes 2001, talking his career, running the football. Then we have Tiffany Gomez.

You might remember her from being a meme going viral online for a moment on an airplane which we get to the bottom of great interview with her as well we're going to do week nine picks and preview so much to get to fire fest should be can't miss ever had one of those days when it's just too cold to keep working nah neither

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It's Pardon Mike T. The number one spot podcast on the charts and in your heart.
Hey, football guy for D. Bye.
Part of my take. Yeah.
Part of my take.

Yeah.

Part of my take.

Welcome to Part of My Take.

Today is Friday, November 3rd, and the Texas Rangers are World Series champions.

I thought we had to start with that because we were obviously on an off day when the Rangers won the the world series on wednesday night we just the rangers fans deserve this you are world champions incredible run yeah never lost a road game they were awesome on the road congratulations to rangers fans first world series in the history of your franchise 63 63 years big moment congrats to all the great ones congrats to uh nolan ryan they were celebrating on top of his statue after the game adrian Belltray. Congrats to all the great ones.
Congrats to Nolan Ryan. They were celebrating on top of his statue after the game.
Adrian Beltre. Congrats to Rafi Palmeiro.
All the great Rangers that we've seen. Rough Ned Odor.
Yep. All the great ones.
Yes. And congrats to Will Smith.
Yes. Who is a three-time World Series champion.
First player to ever win three consecutive World Series on three different teams. I think his salary this year was $1.5 million.
Best investment of all time. Every team should try to go sign him.
He won with the Braves. He won with the Astros.
He wins with the Rangers three years in a row. It's insane.
Bruce Bochy, already a Hall of Famer, cements it even more. Four World Series championships.
They showed the stat yesterday. Since he came back the first time so obviously it was the padres uh when he was managing against the yankees in the world series in 98 i believe when he came back uh with the giants 14 out of the last 15 post seasons actually 15 out of the last 16 postseason uh series he's won that's insane it is pretty incredible yeah biggest head in baseball biggest head in baseball eight and a quarter and eight and a quarter size i don't know what that translates i think it's 25 inches yeah so it's like a small child's waist and they never lost on the road never lost on the road which is crazy um sorry to diamondbacks fans out there you guys had a good run i did like that they um they put security guards around the pool after the game was over to make sure that the rangers't.
You don't dip in another team's pool to celebrate. That was smart.
That would have been a bad visual for D-backs fans. You'd have to live with for a while.
And also, massive congratulations to the New York Mets. Yes.
Because Jacob deGrom and Max Scherzer won a World Series. Congrats to the Mets out there.
They were going to do it. And they did it.
And all the Mets fans said, like, well, you know, at least DeGrom's just going to take a paycheck somewhere and ride off into the sunset thinking that he wouldn't be competing for a World Series ring. Well, Jake DeGrom, World Series champion.
World Series champion. Yeah, the Rangers, incredible run.
I mean, not losing on the road is just insane. Like, that's such an accomplishment.
And I know that people will say, oh, the ratings were so low. Who the fuck cares? No one.
No one cares. I don't care.
I do not care that the ratings were low. Rangers fans deserve this.
I saw a couple of videos of them going crazy in the Dallas-Fort Worth area. It was awesome.
I have one last thing about baseball, then we'll talk quickly about Thursday Night Football. little trivia for you courtesy of our friend marlin's man you ready for this yeah okay marlin's man posted this last night after the rangers had won he said who is the last team to celebrate winning the world series in their home stadium as the home team quick who answer will surprise you quick who answer will surprise you is it the kansas city royals red socks it was the houston astros last year oh oh okay i know wild trivia that is crazy it did answer surprise that did surprise like it's not red socks of 2013 that wasn't that long literally every reply was like dude last year that is the okie though that's a great trivia question i think he forgot.
He definitely did because you don't ask that question if the answer. I guess the answer did surprise me, though.
It did surprise you. Max, did it surprise you? I don't care.
Okay. All right.
Well, we also had Thursday Night Football. I have two takeaways from this game.
One is Will Levis is good. Yeah.
Will Levis is good. He's the guy.
That was a game that you thought short rest going to Pittsburgh, tough defense, tough pass rush. I did not think that he would have the game that he had.
He was in that game all the way to the end, obviously an interception at the end, but you know, you're 11 seconds left. You got to force it.
He, his spiral is beautiful. You know what? Effortless.
The ball looks different. Yeah.
Coming out of his hand. Yeah.
His hand's in the pocket. He really does.
So that was my first one. And my second one was, I kind of love the Pittsburgh Steelers in the fact that they play the ugliest games, but they're a lot of fun.
Yeah. Because they're always close, and it feels like they're always dramatic because this is the Pittsburgh Steeler way.
Hang around, hang around, hang around. Kenny Pickett, fourth quarter drive, and then win with their entire defense teeing off on a quarterback.
Yeah, big difference today, I thought, was Matt Canada being on the sidelines. Yeah.
He's a different play caller on the sidelines. Yes.
They were running some plays besides the Najee up the middle and then a tight end screen for negative one yards. They were mixing around a little bit.
They didn't really go downfield that much. George Pickens had a touchdown where he should have gotten his other foot down.
Yep. That was one of the, I think he was like three or four yards in bounds when his first foot hit.
And then he didn't drag the second foot, stepped out of bounds. Deontay Johnson got his first touchdown since 2021.
The last guy who threw him a touchdown was Ben Roethlisberger uh it had been it had become it was a joke between us here because Jersey Jerry our friend who's a Steelers fan had been telling us to bet Deontay Johnson touchdown for what felt like five years never scored but it also had become like a pretty big story because Al Michaels mentioned it multiple times yeah and like to go to be a receiver like him who has 20 plus touchdowns i think in his career to go like a season and a half without a touchdown i'm happy for yeah and also i'm happy for al michaels al michaels had a pretty good night yeah he was a little juiced up i think i think somebody got in his ear and was like hey al take this eight ball cocaine before you go on the tonight. And Pittsburgh got him going.
It was wonderful. Yeah.
So it was a little juiced up. I think somebody got in his ear and was like, hey, Al, take this eight ball of cocaine before you go on the air tonight.
He's in Pittsburgh. Got him going.
It was wonderful. Yeah.
Yeah. So it was a good game.
Other thing before we get to our picks and preview, Bob Knight passed away. Yeah.
I did like how all the obituaries tried to dance around the fact that Bob Knight was a little bit of an asshole. They were like controversial or, you know, like checkered past.
Mercurial. Bob Knight was a legend in the sports world.
If you grew up in the 80s, 90s, even, you know, in the early 2000s, Bob Knight was a bigger than, you know, it felt like he was bigger than the sport at times. And he was a character.
He was a character through and through. Yeah, the thing you can say about Bob bob knight is people there's somebody in the world right now that is getting into a fight with somebody else about bob knight's legacy yes and that's what bob knight probably would have wanted that's how i want to be remembered i want somebody to fight somebody else because of my legacy at some point he also it felt like bob knight was a guy who just lived to the extremes in every way like you could could, you read stories about Bob Knight being like, you know, his players loving him and, you know, like helping out other coaches and, and giving back to the community.
And then you read stories about him being like a tremendous asshole. He just lived at the extremes at all times.
And those people are interesting. Yeah.
Those people make the world like a funner place to cover sports and to, to and to see these type of characters. So, yeah, that like I just whenever someone dies, like you don't have to shit on them right away.
No, you can let it settle for a minute. You can at the very least just let them know that you have a check that hasn't been cashed.
Correct. With their name on it.
That's the proper way to remember. Somebody is like that guy that just died.
I actually i actually own a piece of his memorabilia yes and it's not really a piece of memorabilia it's a check that he wrote that was never cash yes that's another great way to be remembered also bob knight he when he gave that speech at indiana said bury me upside down so my critics can kiss my ass what a great moment that what a great moment he also was the first to call mj there's a lot of stories about Bob Knight being like, MJ is the best player he's ever seen. When he coached the Olympic team in 1984, the famous story goes that the Portland Trailblazers with the second pick called Bob Knight and asked him, and they were like, we need a center.
He's like, so then play Michael Jordan at center. And so, yeah, he's he's, he's touched all like eras of basketball.

The craziest Bob Knight stat is he has the last perfect season,

which is nuts. 1976, I believe three national titles, you know,

many final fours, all these big 10 championships.

Bob Knight had one NBA all-star Isaiah Thomas. That's crazy.

It's nuts. That's Bob Knight.
He had a system. Titus who will have on to maybe do some college basketball preview said that his dad always used to say because he obviously grew up in Indiana huge basketball fan his dad used to always say that Bob Knight can take a bad basketball player and make him good and a great basketball player and make him good consistency yeah I love to hear yeah that's also Bob Knight way he's the only coach that was smart enough to realize, well, that's Michael Jordan right there.
The only person on earth good enough to lock down Michael Jordan is Dan Dockage. Yes.
Yes. So Bob Knight, I mean, he does those type of characters make sports more interesting for guys like us.
They make them fun. Yeah.
Maybe he wasn't always the funnest guy to play for if you were one of his players. Yeah.
Maybe you loved him. Maybe you hated him.
But again, people right now are getting into a fight because someone's like bob knight was the greatest and some guys like no bob knight was an asshole and then they fight about yeah it's great bob knight did he he knew he was an asshole because he said uh many times that he wants his players to hate him because it gives him something in common they're united yeah and the one thing they're united great way to bring a team chemistry coach yeah so uh all right let's let's get to our picks and preview we got a big big week uh nine i keep saying week 10 i don't want to say week 10 week nine so let's do that okay time for our picks and preview of week nine in the nfl it's brought when your home system or appliance breaks down american Home Shield will help fix or replace the covered item, no matter its age. Visit AHS.com slash listen for 20% off any plan.
See AHS.com slash contracts for coverage details, limitations, and exclusions. Okay, boys.
Week nine of the NFL, which means when we get to the end of the one o'clock games, we'll be officially at the halfway point of the season.

I hate that.

Okay.

But now we get football.

Football, the real football is about to be played.

You know what?

I'm going to call this separation Sunday.

Oh, I like it.

I like that.

I just like saying it.

And it looks like with these matchups, it might be real.

Because we've got a lot of good matchups.

And then we've got a lot of really shitty matchups.

But the nice thing is the good matchups, you get one in every in every block yes so there's good games going on at any given time and then you've got a lot of guys and you're like oh wait these two guys are playing quarterback so um the good teams are going to play each other and we're going to find out who's for i like it it might be fraud watch someday too yep we're going to find out who is for real so let's start with with the game in germany dolphins at chiefs now i spent essentially the last three weeks in my head being like i cannot wait to bet the chiefs i thought when they lost the broncos even better now you get the chiefs under a field goal patrick mahomes under a field goal incredible but the travel the travel is an issue. The Chiefs are getting into Germany like right now.
They're practicing one time. They're practicing on Friday.
One time. McDaniel got the guys in there on like Monday or Tuesday.
Monday morning. I think he left Sunday night.
He built in a fun day for them. He's like, you know what? I want you to go out and experience Germany.
See what it has to offer. go sightseeing, form relationships with your teammates.

They've got fuck-around time in Germany,

and that doesn't always end well.

But for these guys, I feel like it's going to be a good thing where they get practices, they get a day off,

they get to hang out,

and it's also Mahomes' first time ever going to Europe.

He's never been to Europe before.

Does he have his passport?

I don't know. That's a good question.

I don't know if they did passport day,

but he's excited to go over there and play and have some fun out there per Patrick Mahomes. But he's also coming to Europe before.
Does he have his passport? I don't know. That's a good question.
I don't know if they did passport day, but he's excited to go over there and play and

have some fun out there per Patrick Mahomes.

Oh.

But he's also coming off the flu.

He is coming off the flu.

Nothing worse than having to get on a long flight after the flu.

Yeah, like this game, I would love to bet the Chiefs, but the travel is so far in my

head and we've seen it.

We've actually been probably the preeminent travel podcast when it comes to tracking these

things.

What do we have?

The Titans were sleepwalking.

Yep.

The Bills, I... it we've actually been probably the preeminent travel podcast when it comes to tracking these things what do we have the titans were sleepwalking yep uh the bills i believe it was a combination of the titans sleepwalking and the ravens pass game over in uh in london where they got blown out by like 40 points and then harbaugh even said like i'm not doing that again and and the bills i believe also went late and they they slept walk against the jaguars.
So, yeah, this is, you have to bet the Titans. You got to bet.
Sorry, you bet the Dolphins. You got to bet the Dolphins.
We're betting on the clock. We're betting on the clock.
That's what we're doing. And the only counterpoint is, what time is it in Honolulu when this game kicks off for Tua? I have a really, really stupid Tua stat that means absolutely nothing but sounds really cool.
Okay. That's basically the show.
Yeah. one damn it quarterback that's my nugget i was so please don't yell like that uh that scared the fuck out of me i didn't realize how hot i was okay uh two is 12 and one against quarterback or sorry against coaches that have won a super bowl that's pretty good but it's not that cool because he's beaten bill belichick six times six of those times yeah so it's so it's like I went and looked at it.
I was like, it's McVay, Belichick, Gruden, Sean Payton, Belichick a bunch more times, Harbaugh, and Mike Thomas. Well, per Henry Lockwood on part of my take, Belichick's not that good of a head coach.
That's true. So I don't know.
That's what you said on Monday's show, I believe. But that is like a cool stat to have.
But it's dumb because once you look at it, you're like it's 6-0 against Bill Belichick. And the only time he's lost, Andy Reid.
Okay, that's relevant. That's when it gets relevant.
That's relevant. But beating Belichick six times is pretty good.
That is pretty cool. But when you say 12-1, you're like, damn, he beats all the Super Bowl the super bowl winning head coaches yeah well he just beat belichick six times i got some uh i did i dove deep into the grass at this stadium last night i ended up watching two 10 minute long videos of the guys installing the grass they do like a whole behind the scenes of what happens because last year you remember i was it who played over in europe last year maybe the the bucks the bucks might have played there yeah um the grass an issue.
Everybody was slipping everywhere. It was a bad scene.
They fixed it? So the NFL just cucked the shit out of the Bundesliga. And they said, if we're going to play a game over here next year, the NFL is going to choose what type of grass you have to play on.
We're talking Bermuda? It's a hybrid. Split grass? It's a hybrid.
So it's like 90% grass, 10% synthetic woven into it. Interesting.
So they put it down a week ago. Apparently, it got rave reviews in the first soccer game.
I don't know how that translates to the NFL, but it's a brand new grass system that they have over there. It's like grass with hair plugs? Yeah.
It's the top of Dave's head. Exactly.
It was grown in Holland, and then they moved the grass to Germany and installed it in Germany. I'm going to say right now the grass is going to suck.
You can't move grass from Holland to Germany. Why not? I feel like something bad happens there.
Well, if it's grass grown in Holland, there might be some other stuff in there. That's true.
That's true. That'd be awesome if they played a game on hemp, on a hemp field.
Hemp was the future for a while. Oh, it still is's like hemp clothes hemp this sustainable hemp george washington was 50 percent hemp hemp yeah his teeth were horse teeth they said uh they did an interview with tyreek hill this week and they asked him what to look for going to this game and he said you guys get it all wrong i'm not the most important player on this team two is not the most important player on thisle.
Ooh. The fullback.
Love that. Just got paid.
Therefore, Alec Engle anytime touchdown this weekend. The only thing I'm nervous about, so I probably will take the Dolphins.
The Chiefs lead the league in drops. They drop more balls against the Broncos, so I'm sure their lead has grown.
After the Broncos game, Patrick Holmes kind of like weirdly said, like, yeah, they did a good job of taking away 87, and it's not great when they do that, when taking away Travis Kelsey, which it seems like why hasn't more teams been doing this? I think maybe teams will start doing it because all their wide receivers drop balls, and they're starting to be like, hey, you know what wouldn't be the worst is seeing if Kadarius Toney can catch like 10 balls. Has the NFL figured out Travis Kelsey finally? Well, I think it's the NFL has finally figured out that the Chiefs might have some work in progress when it comes to wide receiver position.
I am of a firm belief that even if the Chiefs lose this game, I'm not freaking out about the Chiefs. I think they're still a Super Bowl winning caliber team.
And the Broncos game was a weird game. And they might lose to the Dolphins.
But they do have to figure out guys who can catch the ball. It was a flu game.
We can write it off to the flu game. And their defense is good.
And they should run the ball more. Andy Reid, we're back in the full circle of Andy Reid being like, hey, in the red zone, maybe have Isaiah Pacheco run the ball.
No, he doesn't do that. Andy Reid's not going to do that.
He's going to throw some weird screen passes every now and again, and he'll be like, that's basically the same as running the football. Running back has the ball in his hand.
Yeah. Nerd nugget, since you screamed in our ear.
By the way, that just shows how unbiased I am, because that was a stat I brought, and I was like, this stat stinks. Dolphins fans will love that.
Yeah. No, that stat stinks.
It's a great stat.

No, it's not, because six out of the 12 is Belichick.

So, he's beaten Sean Payton twice, Sean McVay, John Gruden,

John Harbaugh, and Mike Tomlin.

But his own loss against Andy Reid December 13th.

Oh, you didn't find a new nerd nugget?

You couldn't think on the fly?

I could have.

Good stat.

It was a good stat.

Hank's messing with my headphones right now. That's good.
Yeah, I asked him to turn it down. I think the damn that Jake- Oh, now we're just not on.
You know what? Jake dropped the hardest cuss word I've ever heard in my life. Now we're really loud.
Jake, are you a bad boy now? I'm mad at myself. I apologize.
You scared the fuck out of me. Now I'm gone.
I feel awful. Damn it.
It's okay, Jake's okay jake next play next play next play you know what

let's start with seahawks ravens and why don't you give us the nerd nuggets start better be good

raven safety geno stone leads the nfl with five interceptions he's recorded a pick in three

straight games and four of his last five his five interceptions tie ed reed in 2007 for most by a

raven through the first eight games of a season okay all right yeah i do like the ravens defense They're legit.

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they're, they're, they're, they're, right yeah i do like the ravens defense they're legit and very legit i also like kenneth walker a lot i've realized that every time i look at kenneth walker he's breaking off something special yeah but all right so my problem with kenneth walker i feel like in the first quarter of every game he has like a 40 yard run and then he doesn't do anything else after he's okay this is also just based fully anecdotally on the last game just so before seahawks fans correct me and be like that's not true i'm literally basing on one game they also stop giving him the ball sometimes yeah like they he should be bell cow you know what i'm calling on pete carroll make kenneth walker a bell cow running back well keep giving the ball pete wants to let geno cook he does but let let Kenneth walk the big story here is we had a couple weird

quotes Well, Pete wants to let Geno cook. He does, but let Kenneth walk.
The big story here is we had a couple of weird quotes. We'll get to Antonio Pierce and the Raiders and the Giants, but Gus Edwards said this week, I'm ready for it.
I'm hoping I get a big load again this week. Craving those loads.
He wants a load. He wants a big load.
Yeah, give it to him. DK will do it.
I'm so excited about this game because I do think the Seahawks are good, but in the back of my head, I'm like, maybe the Ravens are really good and they just smash them. And maybe they just go.
It's crazy looking at the splits, how bad Geno is against Mann, and the Ravens can play both. So I don't know i feel like the ravens like last week was kind of a sleepwalk they beat the cardinals they probably should have beaten by more uh and they were playing not a great like that was like a b minus c plus effort from them this week i feel like they're gonna get up and we've talked about it all year lamar jackson versus the nfc yep they're not ready for that speed.
And the Seahawks, I would feel more comfortable betting on them this week if they hadn't taken first place in the division on their own. Yeah.
Now too many people are talking about the Seahawks. I know.
I liked it before when we were like, the Seahawks are good. Plus 400.
Keep your eye on it. Keep your eye on the Seahawks.
But now that they're in that top spot, every casual out there is going to look at the standings and be like, wow, the Seahawks are good. Seahawks are good.
Yeah, we knew the Seahawks were good. Now they might be too good that they might be bad again.
I do like Leonard Williams beefing up that defensive line. That is a good pick up.
Yeah. I'd say there's a policing.
Yeah. And he actually said it was a situation where they were the – who's the GM for the Giants? Shone? Is that right? Sure.
Joe Shone. Yeah, Joe Shone.
You don't hear it often, but he went to Leonard Williams. He's like, hey, we weren't going to trade you, but the Seahawks called you cool with this.
And he was like, yeah. Yeah, I would want to go.
Doesn't happen often. Hell yeah, I would want to go.
The GM's like, hey, you cool with this? One reason I do like the Seahawks, though, is they've got a good secondary, the Legion of Spoon. We're Legion of Spoon guys of spoon guys yep and i feel like they're gonna do some damage against that ravens passing attack we are on odell beckham touchdown watch but i feel like i feel like the seahawks defense is good enough to shut down the passing but then lamar just might decide okay i'm gonna i'm gonna just run the ball i'm gonna run run run it i just i i had that ravens lions game in my head where like maybe the ravens are the a

big game type of team they play down to their competition does this loss to the cults like they you know the the cardinals covered the spread do the ravens i i like maybe it's not as simple as i've made it in my head it's basically ravens play uh inferior opponent take the inferior opponent Ravens play an NFC team take the Ravens Ravenss play an NFC team, take the Ravens. Ravens take the AFC North team, just take the underdog.
Does this count as a big game? I think this is a big game. It's a big game.
It's a big game. It's a big game.
I think this might be the biggest game of the early slate. It's absolutely a big game.
Yeah, big game. Okay, next up, Vikings and Falcons.
Taylor Heineke time. Yeah.
We finally made it. We got it.
We made it there it there guys he also had a great halloween costume this week you see that no so him and his girlfriend or wife i don't know but uh they went together she dressed up like a uh like a car with lights on her boobs and then he went as a deer that just stared at her boobs all night during the headlights i did see that pretty good awesome pretty creative work by taylor Heineke. So he would be getting some purple and gold Jordans if they win this weekend.
I'm excited to see that. Flores is the biggest blitzer in the NFL.
He sends a blitz more often than any other team. Heineke is very good against the blitz.
So I like the Falcons in this. I also continue to love Arthur Smith with all my heart.
We've talked about his fantasy football fuckery uh he also just tried to gaslight the entire american public because it was one week ago today uh that he said arthur smith says desmond ritter criticism due to toxic group think a lot of people don't watch film and then he was like taylor heineke is now the starter well it was like he he got us all off the off the scent for a second he's like you guys are idiots you're all fucking group things like no i think we're right and he's like yeah you know what you're right i was joking i think he's using an excuse too because he's saying that ritter he's not right he's not like he's not himself right now oh so heineke i think he's still saying that heineke is a temporary starter okay but i think that if heineke so he's still gas he's still gaslighting us. Yes, yes.
So if Heineke plays well, then Arthur Smith will be like, well, we got to ride the hot hand for a little bit, and then we'll go back to Ritter once Heineke starts stinking. But no, I think Heineke is going to take this job.
Yeah. As for Jaron Hall, QB is making their first career starter 38-70-1 straight up in the last decade.
Okay. Not great.
No, not what you you like to see and they're three and 15 straight up on the road do we know if nick mullins is he still on the ir and they brought him off yet or is josh no i think it's week 10 so dobbs is going to be qb2 dobbs gonna be qb2 okay past or not i love it i love i love the falcons this weekend i think i think if dobbs can get in this game if dobbs does get in this game, he'll probably be good because he'll be in relief and fresh start. Who was that? Was that Freeman? Was that Josh Freeman that played for, I think he played for the Vikings after like three days.
He did the Baker Mayfield one time. We got traded and started on the Vikings and probably had the worst game ever in the history of football.
You got to learn the play. It's tough to step in after just a couple days on the team i i think what we can take out of this week if nothing else the fact that the vikings did not sign carson wentz i think there's still some justice in this world yeah i think that's we're all winners for not having to watch carson wentz on sunday wait you love the falcons in this game i do i do so the only reason i just love taylor heineke i love taylor heineke too i just don't know if the falcons can win by more than four and a half against anyone.
I think they can. They feel like a team that just will play.
It will be a late red zone fun game where we're like, oh shit, get your eyes on this. Yeah.
Last possession. Even last week, they almost won.
Should we have the conversation about Jordan Addison that we had about Justin Jefferson like three weeks ago? If you're Jordan Addison, should you sit out for the rest of the season?

Should we trade him?

Yeah.

Sit out for the rest of the season.

You're too valuable.

Try to get a contract this offseason.

Just like have the two of them playing chicken with each other the whole time.

It is kind of a bummer because Addison looked awesome.

Yeah.

I think the Vikings are going to like be a little galvanized.

Like, hey, we're playing good ball.

The NFC.

Who's going to be the seventh seed in the NFC?

It's the biggest question.

Somebody bad. Somebody bad.
Somebody really bad. It might be a second team from the nfc south yeah which is crazy because if you go through it saints and falcons it's it's like no doubters obviously things can change niners eagles cowboys lions uh nfc south representative seahawks seventh I like how we put the niners first as a no doubter above the seahawks yeah that's true that are beating them right now but but seventh is going to be a combination of like saints bucks falcons vikings yeah bad yeah bad bad team commanders if they win a couple no no we're not doing that rams We're not going to do that.
Bad teams. I could be talked into.
I know I was pretty down on fire cell, get rid of everybody. I could always be talked into the Commanders, maybe squeaking.
Dude, if they win this week? I've seen weird shit happen in the NFC East. Yeah, if they win this week.
All right, what's the nerd nugget? Because let's talk about the Commanders Patriots next. Vikings rookie wide receiver Jordan Addison joined Elite Company last Sunday.

He became the sixth player in Super Bowl era

to catch their seventh touchdown in the first eight games.

He just shut it down.

Shut it down for the season.

You're too valuable.

Shut it down.

All right, Commanders Patriots.

How are we feeling, boys?

I mean, we have an opportunity to beat a Super Bowl-winning coach.

It's very hard to do in this league.

This would make Sam Howell, I think, one and two if he can beat Bill Belichick in lifetime Super Bowl winning coaches. Oh, no, wait.
The Eagles lost the Super Bowl last year. Yeah, they did.
I forgot about that. This is a win-win for me.
I think if they lose, it's better drafts capital. But then you lose to PFT.
And if we win, we beat PFT, and I can just hold that over him forever in a year where we're tanking we can still be the commanders and we're not tanking it's a tank off really the loser of this team of this game wins winner takes belichick is that what you're gonna you know oh yeah there's some fan fiction out there out there since you brought it up i mean it this is funny because usually we just take mike florio's fan fiction run with it on the show just to piss hank off i think florio took our fan fiction that we came up with on this show which is that josh harris wants a big splash he wants a big name coach belichick probably at the end of his tenure in new england why not get him to dc he can coach lacrosse at the naval academy annapolis is like 30 minutes from fedex field it's probably everything that he's wanted he probably really wants to coach for the commanders it was a florio fan fiction special because the report basically just said like when the year ends the commanders might reach out to belichick i reach out to craft to see what it would take i think these conversations are happening which means nothing i think you know you know who's making this no no hey where josh harris are like we need to get a big coach yeah who's the biggest coach bill belichick that'd be cool well thank florio conversation over the entire article was basically florio saying it would make sense in my mind if this happened which is a great way to like put a report out there without putting a report out there um here's how it's going to happen though Hank, what's the common denominator between Josh Harris, Bill Belichick?

Bad hand. out there um here's how it's going to happen though hank what's the common denominator here between josh harris bill belichick bad handshakes awkward guys there's a guy that's been on part of my take ruben i feel like ruben is what does ruben have to do with ruben and craft are aligned yeah that's what i'm saying ruben is going to be the go-between ruben's going to make this deal happen for me would this just destroy you if PFT got to root for Bill Belichick every weekend? I would become the biggest Bill Belichick apologist ever.
I don't think so. I would, no.
It's like when people said, you know, to destroy Brady won a Super Bowl. I was rooting for Brady.
I'd be rooting for, I would like to, you know, join up with my guy PFT and see Belichick bring a team to their first Super Bowl in forever. No, it would destroy you.
You got low-key destroyed when Brady won that Super Bowl. I didn't.
I made the biggest bet of my life on the Bucs. Yeah, but ever since then, what if we got McDaniels and Belichick, get the gang back together in D.C.? All the better.
Yeah, fuck it. Whole squad.
So you feel confident in this game? No. Okay.
I wouldn't either because Kendrick Bourne being out for the season, it feels like that's the one bright spot that you guys had. Defense is banged up.
Offense is bad. Washington just traded their whole defense, which, by the way, can't feel good to be Chase Young right now because it feels like everyone was pissed that Montez Sweat got traded and everyone was kind of happy Chase Young got traded.
Yeah. With some leaks and being like, yeah, he didn't play team defense and all this stuff.
That's kind of what I've been saying about Chase Young. I actually think it's good for both the Bears and the Niners.
The Niners get a rental. I don't think they're going to extend them.
And they get a guy who's not the dude. Like he has to slot in underneath Bosa.
Yeah, he's going to go there and he can't be acting like he's the baddest dude ever on the defense he has to kind of humble himself a little bit and he can still make some splash plays and he's been pretty good this year but montez sweat big cat can we have the conversation about montez sweat yeah because when the trade went down both our reaction was the same which was you guys got a very good player yeah he's a better player overall all than Chase Young. He the field he's more productive he's a dude we also thought there's no chance in hell the bears don't extend him when they give up a second round pick which i also still think is true i still think he's going to be extended but montez sweat said yesterday that he's not close to making a decision on that ideally you would want the deal to be basically done basically done by the time trade goes down.
Okay, so people were running with this quote. What the fuck do we think Montez Sweat is going to say? He has leverage right now.
Why would he be like, yeah, I'm here and we're about to sign a long-term deal? Ryan Poulos came out and was like, we're working. The first thing we're doing is working on a long-term deal.
So everyone was, listen, the Bears are a joke of an organization. I get it.
They're fodder for everyone on the internet. I understand how this game is played.
People just looked at Montez Sweat's quote and just ignored Ryan Pohl's quote. Of course, Montez Sweat is going to be like, yeah, I don't know.
Like, I'm not close to signing. He would be an idiot to be like, yeah, I want to be on the Bears long term and say that.
And then all of his leverage is gone. Ryan Pohl is going to get it done.
And if he doesn't, he's fired. Yeah.
He's fired. He should be if he doesn't get it.
Of course. It's a clearly fireable offense.
Of course. So I understood it, but it was also maddening that everyone was running with just Montez Sweat's comment and not Ryan Pohl's.
So I went from 100% he's going to be extended when the deal was done to now I'm like 95% he's going to get extension done he's going to get it done because ryan poole's job is literally on the line it is okay he might have to overpay him i don't know i just it was that is just how it works the bears get clowned i get it they deserve to get clowned there's a lot of shit that they need to be clowned for but this one everyone was just going with one quote and just ignoring the other quote that ryan poe's like the first thing we're doing is working on an extension and if anybody out there is saying wow the bears should be embarrassed that they gave up a second round pick and the niners only gave up a third rounder for chase young you're telling on yourself that you don't watch ball yeah you don't watch ball i've watched every snap that those guys have taken not not only that but chase young has not been has not been able to stay on the field. Yeah.
That matters. Let's see.
Where was the exact quote? Ryan Poles. Ryan Poles says the Bears are working to get a contract done now with Montez Sweat.
Okay, good. So that was ignored somehow by everyone online.
So the 5%, when I say 95% chance the deal gets done, the 5 percent is my personal delusion because i have considered a world in which montez was just such a fan of washington that he's like you know what trade me and then i'm not going to do the deal and then secretly i'm going to come back to you guys in the off season everyone's fan fiction about every team that ever trades anyone what if it happens you could what if it what if if Juan Soto comes back to DC too? It could. Also, the commanders are 1-0 this week.
We had an organizational win, as reported by Diana Rossini on Tuesday, that we had an organizational win based on the fact that we were able to trade away two players and get two draft picks. Yeah.
So we're 1-0 during the week. We're streak and we're going to the lighthouse and we're going to take the lighthouse out and hank i i told you before we sat down that there should be some stakes involved yes and i said think of a bet i don't want you to tell me and so hank has an idea for a bet yeah my idea is uh we're obviously still you know decorating the the studio it's.
Things are moving around. You'll probably notice in the background things are changing kind of episode by episode.
There is that poll behind PFT that if the Patriots would win, I would like to paint a replica of the Patriots lighthouse. So it's just always behind him.
Now, if the commanders win, are you willing to admit I want want a full written apology, maybe even a PowerPoint, on how it's a fraud lighthouse? No, that has nothing to do with it. No, because that should be it.
Only stakes on my side. What about yours? Well, I'm open to stakes.
Okay, so there it is. Is this a bet with me and PFT or me and you, Big Cat? All right, I'll talk to PFT.
PFT, you should make him admit that it's a fraud lighthouse and do a PowerPoint and apologize. I think you should admit it's a fraud lighthouse.
Good idea. And you should do a PowerPoint and apologize.
Great idea. And you should change your x.com bio to say the lighthouse in New England is fraudulent.
Cape Hatteras Lighthouse is the tallest lighthouse in North America, period, end of sentence, double period. And maybe also on your Hinge profile too.
You're're not a raya they won't let me on right it's crazy uh what's that you have to do i don't know i've gotten recommendations they probably think you don't have a job they don't because you don't vacation they don't want me uh i will do that my only condition is that i i'll just i'll let me i'll just acknowledge k patters is the tallest lighthouse in the world or whatever. No, you have to say you have a fraud lighthouse.
I'm going to do that via PowerPoint presentation. And in your x.com bio, it just says the Cape Hatteras lighthouse is the tallest in North America.
All right. Period.
We've got a bet. End of sentence, double period.
I love it. All right.
And it has to stay up there for the entire football season. Now, is this spread or straight up? I gotta be straight up yeah straight up i mean the patriots shouldn't be favored by three points against anybody right now okay also we're going next man up in dc you forget about next man up it is actually i mean it's a real thing that there's guys who have been backups who now get to play for a contract yeah that's real if this was if this was you know my team aside i would love the commanders in this spot as a hungry dog watching sam howell's first half last last week was like the patriots game was on and they were playing ugly and then the commander's game was the other tv and sam howell was just throwing dime after dime after dime after dime yeah sammy dimes belichick's gonna see this team up close he fall in love with it.
He's going to be doing the binocular meme,

just looking at our guys on the sidelines.

Man, damn, I wish I could coach for the Washington Commanders.

Damn, they could use some dogs on their defense.

Yeah.

Only difference between Mac and Sam Howell's coaching, though.

Remember that.

That's true.

That's true.

Good point, Max.

He's coaching.

All right, Nerd Nugget.

Commanders quarterback Sam Howell eclipsed 2,000 passing yards

and 200 completions last week,

becoming the 10th quarterback all time to reach 200 completions

Thank you. point max coaching uh all right nerd nugget commanders quarterback sam howell eclipsed 2 000 passing yards and 200 completions last week becoming the 10th quarterback all time to reach 200 completions through nine career games the fastest in franchise history wow wow we've got a lot of 200 great quarterbacks in our history too wow uh okay bears at saints next uh we talked about montez sweat i have to just quickly say something about uh mattberflus.
He had a quote yesterday. Well, first of all, the Bears have now fired a second coach under mysterious circumstances that HR was involved in.
Why do they keep saying HR was involved in this firing? That's such a weird go-to line to say. He also, Matt Eberflus said that there's a bunch of guys, or no, I think Ryan Pouls said there's a bunch of guys with integrity here.
And it's like, how? Do we have one guy who has all the integrity that's raising the average? Because we've fired two coaches now, HR involved under mysterious things. Iberflue said, we set the expectations day one.
You have to treat everybody with respect and be on time.

Yeah.

So he did one of the two bad things that you're not supposed to do. Yeah.
So Eberflus said the culture in our building is outstanding, noting that the Bears are 2-2 in their last four games, just forgetting the fact they were 3-18 before that. 2-2 in their last.
That's a massive, massive upswing. Ryan Poles also credited Matt Eberflus for taking on adversity and overcoming adversity.

I don't think you get credit when the adversity is being a bad coach.

If you bring on your own adversity and then you overcome it.

Yeah, like he's doing a great job coaching a bad coach team.

Yeah.

But he's the coach.

He's outperforming expectations that he set for himself with his past history. Like imagine having to coach a bad coach team yeah but he's the coach he's outperforming expectations that he set for himself with his past history like imagine having to coach a bad coach team that you made a bad coach team it's hard that's adversity it is it's like when dogecoin pops like five percent you're like wow it's really overcoming some adversity right now yeah there's also some weird things going on that people in the chicago media think that uh the Bears were leaking bad stories to NBC on Sunday football about Justin Fields trying to like basically start to move away from him.
Did they make him wear sunglasses on the sidelines? That might have been it. We can at least get Big Cat to be mad about this.
Yeah, that was very funny when you were angry for like 15 seconds. I was.
It's a loss. I talked about it with Max after.
It's really just the loss. When you lose, it's just you can't wear sunglasses when you lose.
You don't want to stand out at all. Right.
It's like when a quarterback, when Cam Newton would give his postgame media availability and he'd step up to the podium and he'd wear it. He would be dressed like a lamp from the 70s.
It's like, hey, dude, you should have a winning outfit that you wear and then a losing outfit that you wear.

Because if you lose, everyone's going to talk about your cowboy hat

with tassels on it.

Right.

Like, remember when Fitzpatrick went on his winning streak with the Bucs

and he was wearing, like, the chest hair popping out and everything?

If he did that after a loss, I'd be like, what the fuck is this guy doing?

Yeah.

Just going sweats after a loss.

Okay.

So, yeah, I mean, maybe Tyson Bajan.

I don't know.

The Bears just keep making lines that are like,

Thank you. yeah just go in sweats after a loss uh okay so yeah i i mean maybe tyson bajin i don't know the bears just they keep making lines that are like oh eight and a half they pay them too yeah these guys get paid to play football the uh the stat about derrick car i'm looking at though is he is the worst quarterback against the spread when he's a favorite in the nfl right now oh so this is lifetime for derrick carr he stinks against the spread as a favorite he's one in five against the spread as a saint when he's a favorite um however the coin has the saints winning eight no so this would be uh this would be nine and oh for the coin if they win i've told everyone if you want to if you like the saints this week which you should because they'll beat the Bears, bet them to win the division.
Now's the time. It's a free win.
Bet every team who plays the Bears, just bet that team to win the division because you know you'll get at least better odds once they beat the Bears. That's a fact.
It's a fail-proof way to go about this gambling. And I am rooting against the Bears.
Nothing personal. But I want the pick now.
I want the pick now, and then I want Montez Sweat back in the offseason. I understand.
All right, Nerd Nugget. New Bears defensive end Montez Sweat is one of six NFL players to record at least five sacks and 10 quarterback kicks in each of his first five seasons, joining Brian Burns, Max Crosby, Chris Jones, Miles Garrett, and TJ Watt.
Those are pretty good players that he's lumped in there with. Ideally, he would want a guy like that on your team.
Do you think we could hang out with him, Montez? Yeah. I got a lot in common with Montez.
I hit him up. Yeah, he's a good guy.
Yeah, I could follow him. I mean, I did follow him.
I could hit him up. Yeah, hit him up.
I don't know if his DMs are up. Let him know, like, hey, if you're looking for some good dive bars, if you want to go drink some Malort with me, I'll show you the ropes in Chicago to D.C.
guys that are new to the city.

Credit to me.

Just want to say this has nothing to do with Montez Sweat.

There's a kid who's 7'3", who's deciding between Purdue and Wisconsin to play basketball next year.

He's deciding on Friday.

And I wrote the DM, didn't send it.

That's good.

Yeah.

17-year-old.

That's good.

That's progress. Yeah, yeah.

That was progress because I started the DM and I was like, wait, what are you doing? This is bad. Where's he from? I don't know.
Okay. But yeah.
But he's tall. He's 7'3".
He's tall and he could go to Wisconsin. I was going to like the DM was like, congrats on deciding.
Enjoy the day. If you have any questions about Madison, let me know.
And I was like, stop it. This is a 17-year-old.acobson yeah 2024 three star friday 6 p.m eastern what about baron trump where are we at with baron trump's playing soccer bro process yeah soccer i mean just think about how good he'd be on the court he'd be sick baron trump number one overall nba draft pick would be hilarious be a problem all protein bars generally taste the same but not one bars One made protein bars are actually delicious with Reese's and Hershey's.
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Cardinals and Browns.ton tune versus pj walker we can't wait oh man i can't wait what a great game this is um i've talked myself a little bit to clayton tune though i have not i kind of have i watched some of his preseason tape um i don't think pj walker is that much better than clayton tune that's what i'm going off of pj walker's never lost a start at home in professional football okay xfl and nfl kevin stefanski stinks when he's a favorite okay uh 10 and 20 gets the spread clayton toon has to go up against the browns defense also the cardinals defense is like last or second to last in basically every metric yeah Yeah. That Cowboys win that they had really carried a lot of water.
Yeah. It really got us off the scent for a while there.
I think also the Cardinals are injured. I keep going back to P.J.
Walker. The game plan for Stefanski should be what we talked to him about this offseason.
Run the damn ball. Run the damn ball.
Stefanski, if you run the damn ball ball I know you don't have chunt anymore because chubbs out but you got Jerome Ford so you got Jareem Funt at your running back position yep Kareem Hunt still good run the damn ball run the damn ball that's all you got to do run the damn ball and that's our Browns Cardinals that's really all we need to say for it yeah I think the Browns are going to kill him that's all I got I just think the defense, like Clayton Toon having just started his first game against the Browns defense is not going to be fun. And what's the spread now? Is it 7.5? 7.5? Yeah.
If it gets up to 8, I'm going to bet the Cardinals. That's your bipole.
Oh, it's 8. 8? Going to bet the Cardinals.
Cardinals. No, wait.
Take back. Take back.
I'm going to bet the Cardinals first half again. Yes.
Cardinals first half. Keep riding it.
Keep riding it. All right, Nerd it alright nerd nugget run the damn ball indeed this is a matchup between two of the top five rushing attacks in the league Cleveland second Arizona's fourth teams have combined eight players who have rushed for at least 100 yards this season I'm shocked that the Cardinals are fourth in the league I guess James Connor was getting off to a pretty good start yeah they've got demarcato yeah marie demarcato it's a great name yeah yeah yeah so maybe make it like an army navy game just run just run the damn ball just run all right next game bad game rams packers these teams stink and matt saffron might not play so we got brett rippin brett rippin matt saffron might not play and if he does play i think it's going to be cold and maybe a little rainy, which means you can't grip the football.
He's got a thumb injury. Tough.
I still like the Rams. I feel like Sean McVay, if you've got a shitty quarterback, Sean McVay can make the most out of it.
That's a fact. Right? And Matt LaFleur, he's had eight weeks to work with a shitty quarterback.
And what Gudenkutzk, or whatever his name is? The GM. The GM said about Jordan Love, which is is like Jordan Love is not quite what we're looking for just yet I don't believe in Jordan Love he's not wrong but he said it out loud well listen uh I think Jordan Love you know doesn't have a lot of receivers offensive line stinks you got to give him some more time he's a young prospect he's a young prospect he's in his fourth year but that doesn't matter you got to give him some more time yeah i mean he's basically a rookie where you going hank oh he's turning on the tv again he's basically a rookie right he's basically a rookie yeah but he stinks uh i also the the rams can't run the football and that's where the packers are kind of can be gashed so yeah i think i should keep buying low on the packers i'm also interested in brett ripping.
I i'm interested in from like uh that's that's a curious guy to maybe watch play football because he loves to turn the ball over no no but hank i know you're shaking your head he takes a lot of change he's gonna be fun i'm not saying he's gonna be good i think brett rippon might be a fun quarterback 13 for 27 112 yards no no one touchdown you You don't watch ball. Brett Rippen's going to go 17 for 25, and he's going to throw one touchdown, two interceptions, and he's going to have 228 yards.
That's gross. He's still going to throw two picks.
That's fun. I guess.
And they're going to win. He has four touchdowns and eight interceptions on his career yeah yeah he loves picks he does love picks yeah it seems like he very much loves picks uh okay oh he had one game when was this oh did he come into relief yeah he came in relief last week i think yeah i remember he started the uh the game when blake bortles got covid you remember that one yes it was like the broncos and the jets i think on thursday night blake bortles gave the entire broncos i was trying to spin it the other way yeah or blake bortles got assaulted by covid all-time all-time blake bortles move we love him for that yeah uh yeah no he had he had a game uh where he went 19 for 31 242 two touchdowns and three interceptions.
Yeah, see, that's a fun stat line. He's fun.
That's a full stat line. Okay, Nerd Nugget.
According to Spotrak, the Packers and Rams are the two youngest teams in the NFL. The Packers have an average age of 25.3, Rams 25.8, Packers 24, Rookies Rams 21.
Okay. Yeah, I mean, is it good if your rookies stink? Probably not.
If you stink and it's like more young. They have to get even younger.
Yeah. The Packers are like as close as you can get to having the debate of if the best college team could beat the worst NFL team.
Yeah. And they did in week one.
They're young. All right.
The Bucs at Texans. This is going to be a fun.
this is a decide what you are game. Like the Bucs are – if they don't win this game, that would be four straight losses after a 3-1 start.
Put a fork in it. And if the Texans, you know, they're teetering right on that edge that lose to the Panthers last week.
Back home. I like the Texans in this game.
I would hope that the Bucs defense, they can still stop the run.

And the Texans offense, they run the most, I think, in the league first down,

which just let CJ Stroud sling it.

There's something nice about a team that when it's first and 10,

okay, run the ball.

Run the ball.

And they get three yards.

Now it's second and seven. It's almost like they can't start the drive until they get one run for two yards yeah you want to know what football was like in the 90s it was always second and eight yeah always second and yeah and it was awesome and we loved it so much it's like oh no this isn't working well eventually it will because guess what you got to keep leaning on it yeah eventually you'll you'll get maybe even a second and six you need to establish the run early on downs and then yeah it would become like second and eight and then it'll be third and four then you would make three yards and then you throw a slam and then you punt on fourth and one yeah that's how football is meant to be played that's what we grew up watching we throw the ball too much on first down now but i think the texans are smart they'll throw the ball on first down a little bit here they probably will and we've um we kind of hammered home a lot of stuff about todd bowles on this podcast he's not a good coach i came across a stat that took my breath away about todd bowles oh um and you're a todd bowles guy i used to be i'm a i'm a recovering todd bowles called him a top 10 coach in like 2018 i think it was 2017 yeah it was a It was a long time ago.
I was young, dumb, full of calm. I grew up a lot since then.
It is funny because we've been doing this for so long. There's just still some takes that like just stick in your mind.
It's like, oh man, I remember when BFD said that. Yeah, I did say it.
I didn't mean it, but I said it. You said it.
Todd Bowles, so when there's a strong recommendation to go for it on fourth down strong recommendation he goes for it 15 of the time 15 when there's a toss-up when it's 50 50 go for it or don't go for it do you know what percentage of the time todd bowles goes for it toss up a toss 50 50 and this is based on the analytics models that are out there like i think the new york times as like a fourth down bot or whatever yeah it shows you expected win probability going up or down based on whatever decision when it's a 50 50 how much does todd bowles go for it on fourth down so i don't know zero percent okay he goes for christ i didn't know if it's gonna be way high or but I wasn't going to get zero. He goes for it zero percent of the time on fourth down with the 50-50.
Jesus Christ. So Mike Evans was not traded this week.
No. Buck for life.
Buck for life. Apparently the Jets.
One jersey guy. The Jets reached out to him and the Bucs were like, no, we're not out of it.
And the crazy thing is the Bucs are not out of it. No, if they win this game, they're very much not out of it.
Someone's going to have to win the NFC South,

and someone's going to have to get that seventh seed.

Yeah.

Which, if you're a fan of a team that's in this weird zone,

I don't know.

I guess playoffs are playoffs, but man, that seventh seed is going to be bad.

Really bad.

Really bad.

And, I mean, it would be perfectly NFL if they somehow won a game. Yeah okay you know what i want i'm seeing the future right now of like what i really desire to happen in playoffs bucks beat the number one i guess there would be the number two seed cowboys first round of the playoffs how great would that be for the takes just for the takes i root for takes yeah uh nugget for this game.
Both the Bucs and Texans are very responsible with the football. The Texans have the fewest turnovers in the league with four, while the Bucs are tied for second fewest with six.
Very responsible football owners. Yeah.
I like that. Okay.
All right. Late slate.
Great, great game. We only have three games in the afternoon, but I'm okay with it because we have one that we can really focus on, Cowboys at Eagles.
Max, I want to hear from you. Can you make sure you press the button to talk? Memes pressed that button.
Oh, okay. Because you've struggled with pressing buttons today.
Yeah, no, that was bad. I thought we were going to talk about that later in FireFest.
Well, no, I was going to sprinkle it in. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah. So what you're saying is big cat just asked you to press the button but you weren't on the button so memes stepped in oh that's actually you know what that's very similar to at 7 a.m on wednesday morning when i had to call max didn't pick up memes did pick up he pressed the button that's interesting correct that is correct but we'll get to it on firefest been doing this podcast for a long ass time just wasn't out on wednesday that is correct.
But we'll get to it on Fyre Fest. Been doing this podcast for a long-ass time.

Just wasn't out on Wednesday.

That is correct.

Did you take a lap?

You should take a lap.

Right now?

Yeah.

Yeah, go take a lap.

Take a lap.

Take a lap.

All right, we got other stuff we can talk about.

I want you to come back out of breath.

I'm sure you've seen this PFT, but maybe not everyone who's listening has seen this.

The greatest, maybe fake, but I'm going to say it's real. The greatest fantasy trade offer of all time.
This was on Reddit. Some guy said, guy in my league is offering Pollard for Christian McCaffrey.
And I get to bang his wife one time. So here's what he says.
He says, guy in my league is three and five and desperate to turn his team around and needs more consistency with running back yeah he sent me a text saying he wants christian mccaffrey but there's not really anyone on his team i want i'm currently seven and one so i don't need to make any changes really he said i could bang his wife one time if i accept the trade and it goes through honestly it's pretty tempting since she has huge tits and i've always

fantasized about her is it worth throwing my chances to win the ship out the window for a

chance to bang his wife there's a lot that goes into that i how on board do you think the wife is

does she know i hope she knows she knows i'm hoping she knows there's a good chance that

she doesn't i hope she knows this is on the table if she knows well if she doesn't know this is

fucked up if she knows and down with it you have to make this trade but she might only be down

Thank you. knows this is on the table if she knows well if she doesn't know this is fucked up if she knows and down with it you have to make this trade but she might only be down for it because she knows that this other guy's fantasy team is so good that she's attracted to him but the second they bone he loses christian mcaffrey after you got to do the trade afterwards because right now she's probably like god this guy's in first place in fantasy after eight after eight weeks.
And what's so hot? And just play it out. Like, okay, you do this trade.
You bang this guy's wife. He wins the championship and he gets to talk shit to you.
And then you're like, but I banged your wife. Yeah.
He's got the one up card. Yeah.
There's a, I think you got to do it. If I was this guy and she's got huge.
The trade was proposed to me. I would create my own trophy after banging his wife of the wife of the wife yeah and that could be like i got flags fly forever i'd raise a banner in my house is this a keeper league if it's keeper then it's got to be every year yeah so i mean i i don't think this is real but it's funny if it's keeper you get to film it it's very funny this thing is very very funny uh yeah so that that is the big trade right now because tony pollard has not been good uh some sometimes that happens when you're feature back you know like oh this guy's got so much pop you take away ezekiel it doesn't have the pop anymore All right, cowboys at eagles uh max took his lap dac prescott kind of owns the eagles no he doesn't he's eight and three against the eagles yeah i was gonna say what seven and three in the last ten eight and three against the eagles no well are you sick max no i just got some in my throat okay Jalen Is it Jalen Hurts' dick? No, I'm good.
You need a cough drop, Max? No. We wouldn't want you to take a cough drop, maybe fall asleep and forget to put out the podcast.
I don't know how that would be a cough drop. Cough drops can make you drowsy.
Can they? Cough medicine can make you drowsy. Cough medicine? Cough drops? Yeah.
You want a robo-trip? You want some tussing? No, thank you. What are the keys to the game here? Did you already talk about the poke the bear thing? Oh, yeah.
Dak Prescott said, if you see me in a fight with a bear, pour honey on me. Oh.
Isn't that Shannon Sharp quote? I also still don't fully understand what that means. Neither do I.
I think it means, like, if you see me in a fight with a bear, make me more desirable to the bear. Yeah.
Because otherwise I'll whoop the bear's ass too much. Well, it was in response to Jerry Jones.
Jerry Jones was asked about the Eagles and he said, I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to poke the bear.
Oh. And then Dak said that.
So he was basically saying, I want to poke the bear. Oh.
Is Dak Prescott like the weirdest guy in the NFL?

Yeah.

I think he's low-key very weird.

Yeah, very weird.

So, Max, this is a big, big game.

Because if you lose this game, now the Cowboys look totally different.

No, it's a massive game.

It's unfortunate you won't be able to watch.

Okay.

We're working on punishments. We haven't decided what his punishment is yet for not putting out the podcast i guess we'll get to that okay no yeah that's yeah no i can call the game for max oh wow that's torture that would hey that would be good that's a good i was going to suggest that max gets to listen to it on like the steve bartman like portable stereo and you just have to sit on the gambling cave listening to the stream.
Big Tone DM'd me with some ideas. One of them was that every time- Big Tone, he's one of my guys.
Yeah, he DM'd me with a bunch of ideas. One of them was that every time Jalen Hurts squats during the game, because he squats before every snap, Max also has to squat.
That'd be tough. I thought that was Nick.
Oh, that was maybe Nick. Big Tone, hold maybe nick big tone hold on let me see big tones got some let's just read them out real quick uh oh this one's diabolical max has to do a breakdown of every celtics win for a month and why they win and and and why they're good and why it could be a problem for the sixers in the future i love that that's a's a great one.
That would be tough. That would be tough.
But I'm willing to take all punishments. I deserve all punishments.
Would you like to apologize? I've apologized on the bird. I guess that's not the bird anymore.
I thought maybe we should just get a button and see you have to press it a million times. I don't know.
How long would it take to press a button a million times? You know what, Paquette? Right now, it sounds like Max has acknowledged that he made a mistake, but he almost wants to be punished for it. Yeah, you're a bad boy.
You want to be spanked. You're a sicko, aren't you? You want us to spank you? Actually, I've got a good idea.
What about a soul patch, Max? Oh! It's a little button. It is a little button on your button you never forget the button if you look in the mirror because i mean max the fact of the matter is uh part of my take goes out to a million people every day right not not a brag just a fact there are a million people a million out there that were like where the fuck's my podcast max and you didn't push one button and you impacted a million people's lives.
All you gotta do is press the button. Max, my friend was on his honeymoon and he texted me like, where is the podcast? You ruined my best friend's honeymoon.
Wow. Jesus Christ.
You should have to fuck that guy's wife. Should we do like, put all the punishment together and kind of- Do them all? We'll talk about it at Fyre Fest.
Now's not the time to talk about it. Think about the soul packs though.
Yeah, just do some thinking. We'll get to Fyre Fest later.
Alright, so Max, do you feel confident in this game Jalen Hurst does not look like himself? What? That is... Max, you have to admit, he was tender.
He had a tender little knee. Do we have to do the player of the week thing again? He had a tender little knee.
Do we have to do the player of the week thing again? He looked good throwing the ball, but he doesn't have the same pop running it. He couldn't even get the brotherly shove last week.
Correct. He does not look the same, but his not the same is still an elite quarterback.
He might be even better. He won player of the week last week.
Yeah. So you just said he doesn't look like himself.
Player of the Week is a very important trophy. Yeah.
I mean, it just shows. Title Town, even.
It just shows the current state of how that player is playing. That's all I'm trying to say.
Player of the Week. And Jalen.
Wait, you guys have two Player of the Weeks right now? Tyrese Maxey and Jalen Hurts? Title Town. Damn, your trophy closet might be overflowing.
Basically, Title Town. Was Maxey Player of the Month? No, week.
Just week. We're just going week to week.
I think A.J. Brown was Player of the Month, though.
Oh, okay. Oh, damn.
So, whose man is this? Who's the real leader of the Eagles? You got the Player of the Month or Player of the Week? Well, quarterback. I mean, Jalen Hurts is our leader, but A.J.
Brown's the best player, but Jalen Hurts is the leader. I do think that as much as Dak owns the Eagles, 8-3, this is back to the similar talk about the Dolphins and the Chiefs.
The Cowboys have beaten some bad teams. Easiest schedule.
They've played a couple good teams, and they looked like dog shit so i say if

the cowboys lose this game frauds yeah we're we're gonna call them frauds yep if the eagles lose this game and it's close we're gonna say should you take out the panic button max you've had you're a big week with buttons i feel like the panic one might creep into your head we know you won't press it Yeah, that's fair That's fair I will not press the panic button But this is the Cowboys Super Bowl Was your mom mad at you? My mom and I had a nice talk Okay, good I mean, I'm mad at myself It's one button It's literally one button You button. You can ask memes.
Everything else was done. Literally every single thing that I needed to do for that pot, I just didn't click the right button.
No, when I called memes at 7 a.m., he was like, oh, yeah, Max didn't press the button. He's like, I'm looking at it right now.
The button never got pressed. I don't know why I didn't.
Shout out memes, by the way. Shout out memes.
Thank you so much. Thank you, memes.
Thank you, memes. King of the button.
Thank like i'm looking at it right now yeah no the button never got pressed i didn't and shout out memes by the way shout out memes thank you so much thank you thank you thank you the button thank you memes thank you memes thank you memes thank you memes memes wait memes published it from the gym no no that's i'm you know what i'm gonna give memes part of my take player of the week yep yeah yeah congrats memes um we finished the show early i normally 4 p.m i know and i normally how it goes we finish it late I publish it I wait to make sure it goes up on all platforms and then I send the tweet that it's live and that's my process of double checking every time we finish it early do you not schedule it when it's done early never schedule do you know what's fucked up is i actually woke up in the middle of the night scheduling scheduling scheduling is easier to fuck up than just publishing i i woke up in the middle of the night my son came in my room said he had a spider on his uh uh pillow liar uh so i woke up went back to his rooms like no spiders you fucking lied to me again uh then i it was like 2 30 in the morning i looked on i i just pulled up my phone it's 2 30 in the morning i saw the tweet and i saw everything under underneath being like there's no podcast i should have said something then but i was like oh it's probably just uploaded processing and then when i woke up at 6 30 no podcast i know i never said that i never said that i don't see the the for fire. We're talking about the Eagles and the Cowboys.
We'll have this discussion later. All right.
Cowboys, Eagles. I like the Eagles in this game.
Yeah. The only thing is it's a Cowboys Super Bowl.
This meme is laughing his ass off right now. I love this.
The Cowboys love beating the Eagles. Are they wearing Kelly Green? No Kelly Green? No Kelly Green.
They should have worn Kelly Green. I'm going to bet the over.
That's what I that's what i'm gonna do yeah because i can't decide i keep going back i don't get me wrong i think the eagles are a way better team than the cowboys i think the eagles will go farther but this is the cowboys super bowl where it's like okay they have they have a chance to like puff their chests out to develop expectations by the way how mad do you think jerry jones is that the r won the World Series? Oh, yeah. He's furious, right? He's like, God damn it.
Yeah. These bastards.
Big time mad. Big time mad.
Okay, Nerd Nugget. The Eagles own the number one ranked rushing defense 66 yards per game and have limited opponents to fewer than 100 rushing yards in seven of eight games.
Their 524 rushing yards allowed are the fewest through eight games in team history. Alright, so that guy's gotta wait a week to trade Tony Pollard for the wife.
Yep. Wait a week.
Yep. Maybe he could throw in something else, too.
He has a lot of incentives already. Maybe TF.
What do you think of Mr. Positions? Damn, you don't get freaky on us.
I don't know. Just saying.
Okay.

All right.

Giants at Raiders.

Josh McDaniels has been fired.

That happened late at night, and we've talked about it,

but Antonio Pierce is now the new head coach.

He said, I'm a former player.

I touch former players. They're going to feel me.

I need to feel them.

I love this.

I love this for an interim coach, especially.

Big time. Going up against your old team, the Giants.
Yeah. So Pierce played for the Giants for a while.
I love the interim coach. I was actually hoping that Jeff Saturday would get the call.
Because just let him be the interim coach for whatever team fires their coach first. Yeah.
In a season. Did you see RG3 kind of stepped in it? Because he said that Marshawn Lynch should get an interview for the head coach of the Raiders in the offseason yep and everyone was like hey rg3 remember when you said that jeff saturday doesn't deserve to be the coach of the colts yep yep well it was like well i said interview rg3 is uh rg3 has opinions about things that forgets his old opinion that's what i'll say about him he no one will ever accuse rg3 of not having a a loud usually incorrect opinion about something.
But he goes by the old saying, like, it's better to be first than right. So you have to give him credit.
Yes. Yes.
Okay. So we also have a couple.
So I like Antonio Pierce. He feels like he's going to light a fire.
And also, Josh McDaniels has to be the number one guy.

Like, thank God that asshole's gone.

Oh, yeah.

Like, the relief in that locker room has to be insane.

Oh, yeah.

And now they're going with AOC at quarterback, right?

AOC at quarterback.

He is the 24th different Raiders quarterback in the last 20 years.

And only two quarterbacks of the last 24 years for the Raiders have been profitable in a gambling sense against the spread, and the names will shock you. Raiders quarterbacks.
Only two have been profitable against the spread. In how many? 24 years.
Terrell Pryor. Yes.
That's a good one. Credit on that one.
That was a great one. That's a great pull.
The one, I'm going to go with Rich Gannon. Jason Campbell.
Oh, he was going to be my other guest. I mean, what a duo.
Yeah, because I remember, I think the Raiders were like 8-8 with Jason Campbell. Terrell Pryor had one decent year as quarterback.
Yeah. The Raiders have had 14 head coaches since Bill Belichick started in New England.
Wow. The Raiders also have had 18 head coaches since 1992.
I say that because the Steelers have had two in that time. It's very funny looking at the Steelers.
I think Nate Tice actually tweeted out that the Raiders have had four head coaches since they moved to Las Vegas, and the Steelers have had three head coaches in the last 50 years.

That's pretty incredible.

That's nuts.

And also Mark Davis, he's currently paying now two head coaches to not coach the team.

And he doesn't have the money.

He doesn't have the money.

He doesn't have the money.

John Gruden, I think, still has, what, six years left?

Yeah.

And McDaniels probably has four years left on his deal.

Yeah.

That's got to be so awesome.

It is truly my dream to one day be fired as an NFL head coach. Be great.
And just make money not doing shit. Apparently, there's offset language.
So you have to look for a job where you have to actively be engaged in trying to find a new position. And then that new salary gets offset against what they the former team owes you yeah

so if mcdaniels gets hired at like i don't know a million dollars a year to coach the commanders next year under belichick hypothetically then that'll be that'll be one million dollars less per year that the raiders have to pay but as of right now gruden's not working mcdaniel's not working mark davis's highest paid employees are two guys that don't work yeah yeah it's kind of like barstool sports yeah it's good yeah nice setup nice setup uh the so i love the raiders in this game because antonio pierce feels like it's the perfect uh interim head coach bounce except for the fact that uh the guy calling the plays now for the raiders offensive coordinator bo Bo Hardegree. Doesn't mean anything except for one little sentence before I read his name.
He is from the Adam Gase coaching tree. Oh, I saw that and I was like, no, what is it? What is the Adam Gase coaching tree? It's a dead tree.
It's a weed. What the fuck you if you're Bo you have to get that like find anyone else to be in their coaching tree.
It's just a dead tree. It's a weed.
What the fuck? If you're Bo, you have to get that, like, find anyone else to be in their coaching tree. That's, yeah.
Who else does he coach for? He's got to have somebody else. Let me look this guy up here.
Bo Hardegree. Bo.
I might be saying his name wrong, but he's got it. Yeah.
The Adam Gase coaching tree. He looks like a mix between Adam Gase and and sean payton he was an offensive assistant for the bears when adam gaze said miami dolphins jets patriots duke grad assistant duke so you can work with that maybe oh he was an intern at lsu for a little bit yeah so yeah be a 2011 that was uh less miles yeah he's a Les Miles disciple.
It's way better than Adam Gaze. I don't know.
Maybe Cutcliffe, Duke. Yeah.
Cutcliffe is the Mannings. Yep.
Yeah. All right.
So, yeah, you're a Cutcliffe coaching tree. Yeah, I don't know Adam Gaze coaching tree.
That's one of those things like, you know, when they tell you when you're coming out of college, like if your if your gpa is like under three don't put it on the resume yeah that's it when you're when you're in the adam gaze coaching tree leave that off the resume no it's it's a charlie brown christmas tree of coaching trees it really i was like raiders raiders raiders and i read that i was like oh no well it's it's funny because we talk about coaching trees and we think that anybody that has a good coaching tree or has one time been a fruit of a good coaching tree is you're essentially hiring that guy to be your head coach. You're different guys.
But if you're going to say a coaching tree, don't say like the worst person ever. I don't want to think about Adam Gase ever.
Yeah. Yeah.
So we did. All right.
And Daniel Jones is back. So that's fun.
He's officially back. I think he is officially back.
So we don't get Tommy DeVito this weekend?

Yeah, Tommy DeVito.

I did see, it was very funny because Jeff Schwartz,

who's very good at football analyzing,

he always laughs at the hypotheticals we throw out there

where people, it will trend on Twitter every now and then.

If you had the best offensive line and you had 10 carries,

how many yards did you get? And there was one the other day that was like, if you had the best team ever, could you get 100 yards passing in an NFL game? And Jeff Schwartz was just like, Tommy DeVito. We've proven this.
Tommy DeVito. We've proven that these hypotheticals are absurd tommy devito is probably the best quarterback

in his high school's history yes probably in the state probably in the time well he was a i think he was a new jersey guy yeah because billy was saying the other day that he and tommy grew up together oh yeah and that the two of them were looked at as being like two of the top quarterbacks in the tri-state area so tommy devito beat out billy for the four star or whatever it was rating Basically what you're looking at is like

A much much much much

Better version of Billy football playing in the NFL. And he got negative two yards.
And he got negative two yards. So that should put that hypothetical to bed for a while.
Although I do think I could. I don't think I would throw an interception.
I wouldn't fumble if I ran it. No, I have too much pride to fumble.
We've been through this. It's like the details, you get all the points of contact.
I would not carry the ball like a loaf of bread. I said it last night after the end of the World Series.
I would never, ever make the last out in the World Series with my bat on my shoulder. You got to give it a good, honest chance.
Yeah, I'd swing the next day. I don't care.
Imagine all the guys that are in the dugout watching you at the end of the game.

Do it for them.

Take a cut.

All right.

Nerd nugget.

The Giants Raiders game features the two worst offenses in the league with both squads averaging 268 yards per game.

The Giants are also the only team in the NFL that have not scored at least 100 points this season.

They have 95.

Oof.

Yeah, I think the Raiders have gone under their team total every single week this year. I don't think they've scored 21 points yet, have they? That's crazy.
All right, second to last game, Colts at Panthers, Frank Reich, Paul. Yeah, revenge game, big-time revenge game for Reich.
And he's going up against Gus Bradley, who he hired to be the defensive coordinator. Do you think Frank Reich, he doesn't seem like a guy that talks much in general.
Do you think he's getting his team amped up being like, they didn't want me? Yeah. Because if he said that to the Panthers, do you think the Panthers would be like, we don't want you.
That's pretty, it sounds like they're a smart run organization. Yeah.
What are their, can you share their phone numbers? We want to talk about some stuff. Yeah.
He might not say that, but it's so early on in the season and they just got to win that there might be some guys in the Panthers' locker room that believe. Yeah, sure.
They might be believers. Sure.
Like, let's win this one for coach. I know the Colts' defense is really bad.
They've given up 38, 39, 37 points in the last three games. Yeah, they're one of the worst in the league.
The Panthers, on their defensive side, they've got a flu going around. We're on flu watch for the Panthers still.
It's that time of year. Troy Hill was out with the flu.
Hayden Hurst, tight end, he was out with the flu this week. So there's an illness going around the Panthers' locker room this week.
Keep an eye on that. Okay.
I'm going to need to keep very close tabs on that. Eye on that.
For sure. Okay, Nerd Nugget.
In their first game since switching to play calling duties, the Panthers averaged 7.6 yards per pass attempt

with OC Thomas Brown calling plays in last week's win

compared to 5.5 during the first six games with Frank Reich.

Okay.

So it's progress.

Yeah, no, I said it last week.

Thomas Brown, McVay coaching tree.

That is a coaching tree you want,

and they looked a little bit better.

All right, last game of Sunday, which is the best game.

Bills at Bengals.

So excited for this game. DeMar Hamlin's it demar hamlin yeah they're gonna they're gonna hammer us with demar i do think the bills maybe there's a weird thing going on where the bills are like trying to josh allen was like i want to play up tempo i want to play up tempo ken dorsey wants to play with some tight ends i i feel like they're gonna start playing up tempo i hope they're gonna start playing up tempo that's their best chance their their defense stinks they have to like basically be like hey listen we gotta play up tempo we gotta we gotta score a shitload here because our defense is not good yeah that's so that's what i've missed about the bills this year is um they're not playing in even the games that they lose they're shootouts, really.
Yeah. And so I want to bring back the shootout bills.

They did get Lenny.

They got Leonard Fournette.

Oh.

So we got to figure out what we're doing.

Playoff Lenny.

Is it Playoff Lenny?

Lombardi Lenny?

Wingnuts Lenny?

Lenny Mafia.

Lenny Mafia.

I kind of like Lenny Mafia.

He was practicing the other day.

He was wearing, he was basically wearing a swimsuit when he was practicing.

Love it.

Legs look great, Lenny. Great job.
Always. You look like you're in good shape.
So you can expect. He's usually good for like, what's a typical Leonard Fournette stat line? I would say it's like 11 carries, 42 yards, and a touchdown.
Now or back in the day? Because back in the day, it was like 20 carries, 75 yards, two touchdowns. Yeah, that was like old Lenny.
I feel like now carries three yards three touchdowns oh no like the drone bettis three carries zero yards three drone bettis yeah that'd be great stat line for for lenny mafia um we got fucked last week we got fucked by the bangles joe mixon had a baby before the game yep they didn't tell us they didn't tell us and then zach taylor said on the post-game radio show, Joe Mixon has a brand-newborn daughter, and it was his best game of the season. We got fucked on that.
We did get fucked. They should be listed on the injury report.
It's my fault. I should have dug into that.
No one knew. No one knew.
They didn't make it public at all? No, it wasn't made public. It should be on the injury report.
The NFL should come down on that and be like, Joe Mixon definitely will play, has great sperm. Although maybe Jake should be calling every hospital in America.
I need to put in more effort. No excuses.
My fault. All right.
So in the Bengals are back. They're back.
Like this is a game that it's a Bengals win. They're all the way back.
Yeah. Because it Joe Burrow looks healthy.
Everything looks like it it's clicking. I'm so excited for this game.
Separation Sunday. It's another must-win for the Bengals.
The Bengals only play in must-win games. And the Bills.
Because they got off to a slow start. You think it's a must-win for the Bills? I think it's a must-win for the Bills.
I think it's a must-compete for the Bills. I think it's a must-win for both these teams.
It's going to be big. Okay, Nerd Nugget.
If you're an NFL player listening, please DM me if you're about to have a kid. Yep.
Actually, but not in a creepy way. Just like every time you have sex, DM Jake Marsh if you're an NFL player.
Yes. What does Chaps use? The sunglasses emoji? I don't know.
Yeah, just DM Jake with a sunglasses emoji. You're about to have a kid.
When you have sex. Unprotected.
Perfect. This is my Nerd Nugget of the week.
I have one every week that I hype up and try to wow you guys. Okay.
Here we go. Wow me.
In 20 regular season Sunday night games, the Bengals are 3-17 overall. Their last Sunday night win came over the Dolphins in 2004.
Okay. It's a long time.
They are very, very bad. Interesting.
Now, they also have been very very bad over the last like 25 years so they haven't had 20 games though 20 games is a big sample size but there were some significantly bad bangles yeah but you wouldn't think they would get a prime time spot they played they'd play them on afc north games oh yeah when it was carson palmer yeah yeah yeah 3-17. It has been 19 years since they've won something.
Okay. Okay.
That's a good stat. All right.
That is a good stat. Very cool.
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Okay.

Picks.

Uh,

in the warmup 15 minute opening act,

I am 10,

five and one max is eight and eight memes of seven and nine.

The main event one hour on the stage,

big cat nine,

five and two PFT nine and seven,

Hank seven,

eight and one.

Ooh,

it's close. About to be halfway Hank memeses and Hank.
All right, who goes first? I think it's PFT because we switched up. Yeah, that's right.
And we're going this way. It's all next.
Yep. All right, PFT, you're up.
I am going to go with the Atlanta Falcons. Minus four.

Okay.

Falcons minus four against the Vikings.

Shut up, Hank.

You don't get to somebody's pick.

I just did.

You're in last place.

That's a compliment.

All right.

Jake.

I will go with Seahawks Ravens over 44 and a half.

Okay.

First place.

Max, make sure you press the button to talk. Yep.
I will go with the Eagles minus three. Oh, wow.
That was no confidence. I'm just speaking with no confidence today.
You are. Why would happen? All right.
Memes. We'll talk about in Firefest.
Yeah, we'll talk about in Firefest. Memes.
Colts, Panthers over 44. Ooh.
Okay.? I'm going to go with my squad, my boys, the boys, Cowboys. Cowboys.
Plus three. Head to head.
Okay. I got two easy ones, but my picks are still here.
Yeah, that's true. Bengals over 49.5.
And then I will also go with the Browns minus eight.

Love the Browns.

That's the Cardinals.

Clayton, Hank.

I'm going to go to a game with two teams with non-existent defenses.

One team is banged up.

The other team traded away their best guys.

Pat's Commanders, Lighthouse Bowl, Battle for the Lighthouse,

over 40 and a half.

Ooh, spicy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's it, but at least, you know. No, I think it's a good pick.

We're going to be watching it.

It is a good pick.

Yeah.

When someone says a pick and you say,

that's good.

I was going to take it.

So congrats, Hank.

Thank you.

Okay.

Memes.

I'm going to go bangles minus two. that's the bills okay okay i will take as anyone's done commanders patriots over yes you aren't listening and you can't press buttons are you serious that he just took is that real uh it was real max you'll actually hear hank taking that when you edit the podcast and forget to put it out.
Correct. We basically did a podcast on Wednesday just for Max.
That's not true. Did you leave a review? That's not true.
You should have to leave a five-star review on all platforms. I will do that.
A lot of people said they were driving angrily. You can look at my sheet.
You probably caused car accidents, Max.

Me and Max listened to it on the way in.

Yes, sir.

I will go.

I will go.

I will go.

Sounds like you're not ready.

Rams, Packers, under.

Okay.

Rams, Packers, under.

What are we at?

38 and a half, I believe.

Okay.

I'm going to go with the Carolina Panthers plus 2.5 at home against the Colts. Okay.
Frank's revenge. Okay.
I'm going to go with Seahawks-Ravens over 44.5. Ooh.
Okay. I took that.
Are you dead? That was your first one? It's okay. Don't worry about it.
We're doing a great job. Okay.
In that case, I will go. Wait.
I should start hooking these up to the monitor so you guys can see it as I type it in next week maybe. Sure.
Yeah. Or you could check the shared document.
Or we could listen. You know what? Just listen.
It's literally two picks a person. I'm going to go double down on the Vikings-Falcons.

I'm going to take the over 37.5 points in that game.

Oh, double down.

Double down on it.

I like that.

Yeah.

I like that.

Okay.

Well, we'll treat out all the picks on Sunday morning for the part of my take Twitter.

Let's do some fantasy fuckboys.

What's up?

What's up?

What's up?

The Germans. The Zenefels is love good.
Oh, we're doing this, Germany. No, no, no, we're not.
Fuck the Germans. Fuck the Germans.
My stardom is Tilted Towers. Tilted Towers.
Where we dropping, boys. What is that? If you don't know me, you fucking don't know me.
Oh, Tilted Towers. Tilted Towers.
Fuck yeah. We're fucking back.
Fuck yeah. I don't know what that is.
My cinema's the fucking lottery ball machine. Fuck this stupid piece of shit.
Fuck. I hate it.
Why? Why? Baseball bat to it and break it. You don't like running numbers? This guy is beautiful.
Nice sleeper. Victor Wempinyama.
Oh. He's only tall.
Slender man. This guy might be okay.
This guy might be good. He's someone to keep an eye on.
He wouldn't be that good if he wasn't that tall. Nah, he's legit.
Yeah. Hello.
Oh. My name is Hans.
Hans. Hans.
Hans. I'm my fantasy fuck boy.
Hans. Hans.
Hans. Hans.
Hans. Hans.
Hans. My startup is Robbie Anderson.
Robbie Anderson, he is playing overseas right now in the fatherland. And it's Robbie Chosen now.
I love Chosen guys. I just love everything about the guys.
Sure, sure. This is why we didn't do the Germans.
I think he'll be a great player. My system is the Commonwealth of Puerto Rico Finance Department because Derrick Revelle.
You have no Derrick Revelle. You're losing it.
You know Derrick. Derrick Revelle.
He's got a check. He's got a check that he tweeted out after Bobby Knight died.
Talk about some bad bookkeeping, yeah? My sleeper is the Chiefs because the Chiefs are very tired. Tired.
Very tired. Sleepy boys on the Chiefs this week.
I think they'll be too tired to play football with, right? Yeah. Yeah, boy.
Sure, sure. Last two weeks in news.
I know, yeah. Yeah.
Hello. Hello.
My name is Franz. Hello, Franz.
Franz. My stardom is possums.

Possums.

Possums on the field at Texas Tech.

Oh, the possums.

The possums.

My situm is trademarks.

Trademarks.

Okay.

God.

Travis Kelsey.

Trademarked.

All right, nah.

Da.

Let me say that again. All right, nah.
All right, nah. That's a trademark.
All right now Let me say that again All right now All right now That's a trademark All right now We are committing Trademark infringement Yeah Yeah All right Yeah All right now My sleeper is Jordan Poole Oh he's so good He's sleeping He was sleeping On Jordan Poole He's so good at this. We go swimming with the ladies.

Show off the backboard.

Yeah.

Kyle 20, my guy. We jump in.

Jordan Poo's the backboard.

Doesn't matter.

We're down 20.

Sure, sure.

Vastu Fee.

Yeah.

Okay.

It's Fantasy Germans.

Yeah.

Someone break the ice here.

I was right there.

I'd just like to say that we were on alignment that we were going to do fantasy Germans.

No, we said we were going to do fantasy fuckboys, and then I said Z Germans, and then we went half and half.

You got everything.

You got the axis there.

Well, listen.

There's a lot of German-Italians out there.

Yeah.

They live in Argentina.

Yeah.

Za.

Da.

Da.

Okay.

Let's get to our interviews.

We got awesome interviews. Clinton Portis, Tiffany Gomez.
What a combo. What.
Da. Da.
Okay. Let's get to our interviews.
We got awesome interviews.

Clinton Portis, Tiffany Gomez.

What a combo.

What a combo.

Crazy.

Never been done before in podcasting history, I can assure you that.

Dream blunt rotation.

Yes.

All right.

Before we do that, PFT.

Hey, it's Rhea from Chicks in the Office.

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Okay, we now welcome on a very special guest. He's BCcs national champion two-time pro bowler it is clinton portis in the studio clinton thank you for joining us for coming here appreciate it we both pft and i both like when we were like hey clinton portis name throwing around like yeah we love watching him play ball because you running the football was the best.
Appreciate it, man. You know, thanks for having me, first off.
And I just think the back position has transitioned so much. You know, a lot of those guys are so talented that teams only highlight it.
You know, you just highlight that specialty instead of allowing those guys

to become the total package, like force those guys to be three-down backs.

Everybody is kind of running back by committee.

You see a guy jogging on, you make a good play, you're jogging off the field.

It's hard to get a rhythm of the game with that style of football.

So it kind of takes it away. When you look at backs not getting paid, that's the reason why.
Because you don't get to display in its higher body of work. Maybe three backs in the lead get 14 or 15 carries a game.
That's absurd. 15 carries a game? If you average five yards a carry, that's still only 75 yards.
Would you even take a shower if you ran the ball 10 times? That's not even a game. I would definitely take a shower.
I would take a shower if I go outside and sweat. So I would definitely take a shower.
But it's hard for a Beck to just really take over a game and dominate in that aspect. Yeah.
So i did used to love watching you run the ball but there was something else that you did that i loved watching more that was your pass blocking like in pass protection you were a dog you were a fucking beast as a blocker i remember there was one play maybe maybe you can tell me like what game this was from but um i think you were chipping You laid the dude out, and you did a little dance over top of him. You did like a celebration dance.
Yeah, that was the Giants. And I think it was Kewanuka.
And what actually happened was the play before, I think Osi attempted to help me up. And he came O.C.'s hand, not knowing our relationship, not knowing we were already friends, partners, you know, whatever it is.
He came and slapped O.C.'s hand and had comments like, don't help that weekend, whatever it was. And I jump up and we exchange words.
And the very next play, like, I see him lined up outside. And I told Chris Samuels prior, I was like, stay inside.
And he had this look like, what are you talking about? And he just, if you look at his set, it was like, okay, I'm sitting, I'm staying inside. I don't know why you're telling me that.
And he never saw it. Yeah.
Like he never saw it. To this day, he still don't know what hit him.
Doing a horizontal in the air before he hit the ground. Yeah, he still don't know what hit him.
Yeah. And it was like that dance was me exchanging those same pleasantries that he shared prior.
You know, like watch your mouth. You know, you're not ready for this type of situation.
Yeah, you were one of my favorite players in the world. So I really appreciate you coming in.
It's very cool to see you. I want to go back real quick to the college days for you.
We've had a couple guys from the U on this show before, and we always just sit there naming guys that were on that team because you had, like, the best roster of all time in college football. But more specifically, your running back room that you were in, probably the best roster of all time in college football but more

specifically your running back room that you were in probably the best group of positional players in college football history at the time so can you walk us through what that was like getting on campus getting all that talent around you and if you guys knew that you were all different I would still say to this day you know a lot of people uh look at running back rooms and outside of that Thurman Thomas

Barry Sanders

you know, a lot of people look at running back rooms and outside of that Thurman Thomas, Barry Sanders, you know, what what collective group and they needed a third man. But outside of Thurman Thomas, Barry Sanders, you know, what what group of guys had that success on the next level as well? You know, when you look at myself and Willis, we were just shy of 10,000, Frankie G third all the time.
That's crazy. Yeah, it is.
You look at all these other backs, you know, they talk about Alabama and they talk about Georgia. Those guys, you know, probably finished their career with 5,000 or 6,000 yards, knock to it's just what we had was was so different just as an entire team, because our competition like I didn't look at my competition as Frank or Willis.
You know, we were all together and I didn't look at them as my competition. My competition was we got to figure out how we kick Ed Reed ass today.
We got to figure out how we kick Phillip Buchanan ass today. Like Jonathan Ville.
You know, that was our competition. It was the defense.
You know, and then when you look at the offense, you're like, man, Dre over here, Shockey over here, Brian McKinney, you know, Vernon Carey. It was so much work on that team that you didn't.
It wasn't like, no, oh, man, I'm looking and this is Frankie G. Like we sitting here trying to figure out a solution.
Like, you know what, dog? Reid tried us yesterday. I'm going to go out there and I'm going to fuck Reid up.
You know, so it was one of those situations that made us all better because in practice, our practices used to be crazy and i know everyone says the same thing like our practices were so competitive like if if i walked up and one of you guys walked up i'm like that's a wasted rep to me like move out of the way like or i'm not doing either okay if you're different though yeah i would i would respectfully like i go low on you yeah but i wouldn't give you that chance because that's what i'm saying you going low on me mess around and hurt me yeah so i wouldn't even go with you like hey you know what let me get out his way and i'm gonna go with the the next guy you know the guy i'm going against was the dan morgan or or the jonathan villman you know and i knew jonathan villman was going to be special because the summer that he came, Dan and Nate Webster, States and him, Chris Campbell, they didn't want to. It was like, nah, CP up.
Come here, Vilma, come here. And he just would take that ass, like he would take that ass woof and step back up like, I'm going to get you eventually.
Yeah. Yeah.
Like, the competitive side of him was there. So I knew he was going to be something special, you know.
And to go on and see it, it was just like, you took this ass whooping all summer, and then you developed that mentality that we had. So now, when your sophomore year come up, it's like, now you want to be ready yeah how fun was it being on that team and you're saying like summer practices you know you're playing against incredible guys all these guys are going to the nfl on game day were you like were you guys ever worried because you only played a couple close games it must have been incredible to be on a team like that knowing we're probably going to dominate and we're going to probably just kick the shit out of you and there's nothing you can do.
Well, I think we knew we were going to dominate. And I think it started when Ed Reed came back.
Ed Reed came back. Coach Davis left.
Reed came back. And that changed our program because the year before, we slipped up in Washington and just on some cockiness.
We were too cocky and too arrogant. You know, the late great Al Blades, you know, a lot of the guys were just like Washington was going to buy down to us.
And they didn't. They came out and hit us in the mouth early and we had to fight to get back in that game.
And we would have had 10 more seconds. We win that game.
But after that, I think it became a staple.

We're going to fight to the death of us.

So that 2001 team, we never was worried.

I think we might have had the Boston College game.

Everybody look at like, oh, well, Boston College was about to win.

They were driving.

They had been driving most of the game but kicking field goals.

So they were going to have to settle for a field goal. Again, that drive, I don't think they were going to beat us, but the play that made just solidified that game.
And then we went to VTech. That was probably the hard game for us.
Because VTech, and what's crazy is we were blowing them out and then they blocked a kick and that crowd got back into the game. It was like 20-7, and it's like we rose bowl bound, and all of a sudden they blocked a punt, and that crowd erupted.
Beamer ball. What? That's a Beamer special.
And it just turned into a game. They hadn't even scored.
They blocked that punt, the crowd went crazy. Like, it just was like, dang.
Like, it was a fight, which was good for us because once we beat them, Nebraska didn't stand a chance. Yeah.
It was a great team. It was an awesome team.
And your close friend, my favorite player to ever watch play football, Sean Taylor, ended up on uh that miami team too people forget he was recruited he was the number one running back in the state of florida he was like breaking all the records he got brought in moved over to safety i know you guys became real real close uh as your careers went on um what kind of guy was sean taylor so what's crazy is like a quick story about that. So myself and Phillip Buchanan, we used to always watch all of the incoming recruits.
You know, we would go out and watch the Frankie G's, the Roscoe Parrish, Willis. We were going to their games.
Everybody was from South Florida. So we were going to those games to watch them.
So when we were watching the incoming crew highlight tape, the one person that I hadn't heard of was Sean T. So we're getting this quarterback from Gulliver, and we're getting another player.
But we were hearing about the quarterback. We knew nothing about Sean.
So now when we're watching the highlight tape, and I see Sean jumping over people, running past people, like he was doing crazy stuff way before everyone else. So I get in my feelings like Coach Sollinger, like, you know, you talk about Frankie G, you talked about Willis.
Why hadn't you said anything about Sean? He was like, that kid wants to play safety. He doesn't even want to play running back.
And it was like a, whoo! Damn, like, you know, like, I'm glad. And, you know, once Sean came in and Ed Reed was already our all-world safety.
So then you add Sean and Antrell Roll, Kelly Jennings, like, it's so many names on that roster that guys forgot about that were key contributors, you know. But Sean, man, to get him, once I got to Washington, every day, you know, we were talking about and discussing, they were going to take Kellen Winslow, which would have been a great addition for our team to pick our offense up, you know.
And Coach Gibbs was like, yeah, man, I got to get you some help on the offensive side of the ball. And our conversation went this simple.
He was like, I got to get you some help on the offensive side of the ball. I said, Coach, you want to help me on the offensive side of the ball? He said, yeah, I got to get you some help.
I said, well, good. Draft Sean because he's going to get us the ball back and that's going to give me more opportunity.
He said, do you really think this kid is this good? I said, listen, if you don't draft this kid, we're going to regret it. And I was a teammate of Kellen Winslow who was awesome as well, but I played with Shockey, so Shockey was that deal.
You know, like Shockey was, Kellen was more animated and you know about me compared to Shockey like Shockey I remember Bush Davis acts as Shockey because he had been jumping off sides like Jeremy Shockey what can I do to get you to stay on side and you know he like, go on fucking first sound and sit back down.

And the entire locker room looked just like you all.

Did Shockey just say that to Coach Davis?

So, you know, playing with Shockey, I knew Kellen was really talented.

I just felt like Sean was what we needed in D.C.

And draft day, I'm calling, calling, calling.

And finally, they called me back and was like, so do you really think we should take Sean? And I was like, dog, that's a no-brainer. And when that Sean T popped across the bottom of the screen, it was up from that point on.
That's awesome. He was a ball hawk.
He would intercept crazy passes. He would hit you so hard you would not want to run across the middle of the field.
I've never seen a player like Sean Taylor before where he will affect a game and have every wide receiver that's running anywhere close to a hash mark just put their hands down and look around for him. It's like, fuck, where's Sean? It's crazy because you're thinking of, bro, I think T.O.
is one of the best receivers of all time. Like, I would say T.O.
is top three receivers of all time. Of all time.
Sean, the way the personal problem that he had was with T.O. to punish T.O.
every time he ran a route. If you go back and look, I think we got flagged, maybe the Eagles game.
T.O. ran an out route, or maybe he was in Dallas.
T.O. ran an out route on the far

sideline, on Dallas sideline, and the play came to our sideline. They ran the ball to our sideline.

Sean went and hit T.O. out of bounds on Dallas' sideline.
Yeah. Like, we got a 15-yard penalty because he just wanted to make T.O.
know. And I think that was the same game that T.O.
had the Gator arms where he was wide open and Sean had been after him for so long that if he just stick his hands out, it's a 70-yard touchdown. Knowing those footsteps, because Sean had bit and blew the coverage, and, you know, they didn't even complete it.
That's incredible. Just to have that effect, you know, even I remember him playing Randy Moss.
Like, I remember us going to Green Bay and playing single high safety against Brett Favre, and he getting sideline to sideline. He covering the entire field, and I think he should have had four or five interceptions.
So he was a different breed. He was a different character.
We're going to get back to Clinton Portis in a second. Before we do, he's brought to you by McDonald's.
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So when you get drafted, because we love watching the Shanahan system run the football, when you get drafted to Denver,

were you like, this is incredible?

Because it really did feel like for the stretch, even now with Kyle,

like they just make running backs great.

What was it like running in that system compared to every other system?

You know, it's crazy.

I walked out of my draft meeting at Indy at Combine with the Broncos. They had Mike Anderson, Alandis Gary, Terrell Davis, Karan Coleman.
They had four backs on their roster. Three of them had 1,000 yards.
So when I went in to meet with them, I'm like, man, it was midnight. You know, that was a long day.
I'm like, man, you all not drafting me. Like, why am I even in here? And he was like, are you tired? Like, I'm like, yeah, I'm tired.
Like, I've been, you know, it was kind of annoying. Like, this is a wasted meeting.
And then it turns into the team that drafts me. So on pro day, I mean, on draft day when they call call, it was just like one of those shocks.
Like I didn't know who drafted me because I wasn't watching the draft after, after Carolina took the Sean Foster with the second pick in the second round. I was over it.
Like every team is going to pay. You know, like I left my draft party, like, you know what? They going to they gonna pay and they're gonna regret this so I was on my way to Tallahassee when I got the call I didn't know what round I went in I I didn't know anything I just it popped up on my phone Aurora Colorado I'm like yeah hello like hey Clinton we just you know wanted to welcome you let you know your name in.
Wanted to put you on the phone with Coach Shanahan. I'm like, all right, you know, thanks, whatever.
Me and Coach Shanahan have a conversation. Like, congratulations, we can't believe you were there.
You were our top back on the board. We can't believe you failed to us.
I'm like, well, why you ain't drafting me in the first round? You know, and he's like, kid, just be happy we drafted you. I'm like, man, you won't regret this.
Like, I'll win rookie of the year. I promise you.
And he's like, man, don't worry about the accolades. Like, just come be the best you that you can be in.
I'm like, coach, you won't regret this. You know, and it ended up being a blessing in disguise because you look at William Green went to Cleveland.
T.J. Ducker went to Atlanta.
Deshaun Foster went to Carolina. Combined, I ended up with more yards than all of them, more touchdowns than all of them, more knockouts than all of them.
All three of them combined, my stats were better in every phase. And it was just like one of those personal issues my first two years where I felt like I needed to punish everyone and make them know my name.

And you did.

Rookie of the year, 1,500 yards, 15 touchdowns.

Like, that was – I mean, it was great.

But something about that Shanahan offense too,

it's just like running backs just are featured in a way

that it's just beautiful to watch.

Well, I think it gives you – it gives you –

and Bobby T, who was one of my favorite coaches,

Bobby T and Don Salinger, two of my running backs coaches, two of the greats of all time. Those guys put you in position to win.
I remember Coach Sollinger, hey, listen, every back I got can run the ball. How are you going to differentiate? Every back that I got in here can run the ball run the ball I put anybody in to run the ball you know so that's what made us learn how to block at Miami then when you got to the NFL Bobby T would always tell you like man you're getting my ass chewed off like everything was an issue you could never satisfy Bobby T but he was going to do everything he possibly can to have you prepared for the game and all of of that dancing in the backfield, if you look at any of the backs that come out of that system, there's no dancing and reversing field and doing, hey, man, you got one cut downhill.
It's like it's going to go one, two, three, everybody going to disappear. And that's just the way the O-line was.
That's the way the system was set up. And then you had guys that were doing the extra, the Shannon Sharps, the Rod Smiths, the Eddie Max.
That was a blessing for me to be around those guys because they knew how to win and they won as a team. So that ego was out of the door.
Yeah. Was it an adjustment at all, learning that one cut system, like put your foot in the ground? I would imagine you have to see blocks develop in a different way in that system then it wasn't really it wasn't really an adjustment to me because if you look at i think i played nine years i had seven different offense coordinators you know so every year i was adjusting and people don't people don't have that discussion but from from college you know uh it was just one of those your first read is the most important and if you stay on your first read you get to the point that your first read gets you to and that's where you make your move like don't you do anything prior to stepping on this point and i think in that system that was so great because once you got there, you had free reign to do anything, but you had to get to that point first.
And, you know, being that I helped with backs, teaching young backs, that's what I tried to get them. This play is designed to get you here without being touched.
Now, once you get here, you got to turn into a playmaker. Yeah.
So then you go to D.C., Joe Gibbs comes back. Your very first play from the line of scrimmage, your first carry against the Bucs, right? Counter-Trey to the house.
When you were back on the Redskins, I think a lot of people were like, maybe Joe Gibbs will see if his coaching philosophy and systems can translate to the modern game.

That offseason when he's installing that counter-trade-based running offense, all that shit,

was there a part of you that was like, this seems like some old-school football.

I don't know if it's going to work.

Or were you guys all bought in from the start?

We just bought in.

And Coach Gibbs was my favorite coach.

I played for some great guys.

I think Coach Shanahan was a great coach.

But Coach Gibbs, man, just everything about Coach Gibbs was winner. You know, the way he carried himself, who he is as a person, the way he lives life, like, it was a winner.
So when you're

talking to a winner, when you're talking to a guy who's won and everything, like, Coach Gibbs was an

open book. Like, my favorite coach by far, still converse with him.
Still call and check on him. Coach Gibbs, it was just that, like, whatever you need me to do.
You know, like, you want me to jump, enter the stadium from jumping out of an airplane. Coach, although I'm scared shitless, I'm going to do it.
You know, like, that's the relationship that Coach Gibbs brought out of a lot lot of the guys. He doesn't cuss, right? You ever heard him cuss? He doesn't curse.
Never even when he's really mad? No. God damn it.
He got the reds. And he would get really red, and it would be like he's pointing at his chin and kind of shaking.
So that was the curse word. I got the reds, is that what he said? That was, you got to have the reds.
He'd be like, yeah, I got the reds, you know, whatever it was. But that was just Coach Gibbs, man.
He had a way to affect you. It didn't take cursing.
It didn't take, like, it was just, I'm going to allow you to be you. Just do it full speed so you uh were eccentric when you were playing you had the costumes do you have any different characters that you look back on and be like oh that one sucked or i love that one because you had everything reverend gonna change dollar bill what's crazy is those costumes playing around because i wasn't practicing a lot so we were doing that prior to the media catching us i had been doing it just playing around because I wasn't practicing a lot.
So we were doing that prior to the media catching us. I had been doing it just playing around and walk through with my teammates because the energy was low.
So, you know, our old line thought I was fucked up. Like, they thought I was screwed up in the head.
Oh, I thought you were fucked up in the head. Yeah.
I loved it. They thought I was screwed up in the head.
Like, they were like, what is wrong with this guy? You know, like, and then what's crazy is if you, I think maybe two weeks or three weeks, you see the entire team participate. You see the Chris Cooley, the Rock Cartwright, Brandon Lloyd, like Devin Thomas.
You see the entire team.

I think it was Bro Sweets. And every – I had like seven or eight of my teammates participating with me.
And I think that's the game that everyone bought in. Yeah.
And it changed our culture. Yeah.
You know, like it changed our locker room. Everybody bought in.
And then from that point on, it was like every player, his wife or his kid

or somebody in his family sent a wig or sent some glasses

or had, you know, some input on it.

And for me, it was just like, yeah, it was keeping it loose.

And, you know, we had a win streak going, and the guys started to buy in,

and it just turned into to like, it fed,

it fed the city,

you know?

Yeah.

Who was your favorite character that you did?

I would,

I would say bro sweets.

And the reason I would say bro sweets is because everybody was there and I

wasn't going to do it.

Like I didn't come with God.

Like I didn't come with glasses or a wig or anything.

I was done. I only had like three or four costumes and i was out and you know i show up i show up to practice in the parking lot i'm thinking somebody got traded like something crazy happened cnn like all of these big trucks were sitting in parking lot like.
Like, man, what's going on? Like, what happened?

You know, and I come in and I'm like, like, what happened?

You know, I'm looking for Miss BJ, but it's early morning.

Like, man, like who in the hell got traded or who got in trouble?

And when I finally find somebody with an answer, they was like, oh, no, that's the media.

They're here for your costume.

I'm like, I don't even have a costume.

They were like, what? I'm like, I don't have a costume they were like what i'm like i don't have no costume like i'm not doing that today and they were like no what do you need like we gotta do it and i'm like bro whatever y'all go get like i'll i'll be creative enough to do something with it and they went and got so much stuff that's why everybody was able to be in costume uh that third week so i would say bro sweet that's what you get into character i remember sheriff gonna get you that was my favorite one that you did yeah when i look back you know if someone send me the clip and i look back i often laugh like what what was i thinking you know like what was i thinking you know what was i going through what was i dealing with but i can remember all of those times you know uh i did the um uh the napoleon dynamite yeah and that was one of my my favorites because everyone who knew me like i was always quoting napoleon dynamite and doing crazy stuff in the room. So when we did that, like, I remember talking to Randall L and maybe Mike Sellers in Santana, like, messing with them.
Like, yeah, I taught them this. So it was a good time.
You know, I can recall the memories. Like, each costume, I can kind of recall, like, that environment that day.
Yeah. Coach Janky Spanky.
There were some good ones. There were some really good ones.
Good times, man. Do you remember in, I think it was 2008, Chris Cooley, your teammate, when he posted a picture of his penis online? You remember that? I do.
That was like the beginning of online. Yeah.
And Coach, like I remember Coach was was so, like, what is wrong with Chris Cooney? Like, I remember Coach Gibbs calling me to talk to Chris Cooney. Like, Clint, have you talked to Chris? Is everything okay? I'm like, Coach, he's perfectly fine.
Like, and on his folder, and this is what people don't know, the picture that he posted, like he was drawing balls in like cocks on his folders and turning them into Coach Gibbs. Like no one ever talk about that, but he was like, that was all over his folder.
And he was turning it into Coach Gibbs and Coach Gibbs thought like this kid is like this kid is off his rocker. Yeah, I think it was for, like, his own blog that he was doing.
He was, like, in his hotel room. He took a picture of his playbook to be like, look, I'm up all night studying.
And his tiny little penis was just, like, poking in the body of the picture. It's like, dude, you didn't look at this before you put it on your own blog? Hey, Cooley is crazy.
Cooley was one of my favorite teammates. Yeah, good dude.
Dumb question. I always love the visor look on a running back.
Was there ever a time when you, like, couldn't, when you would tint it, and you were like, I can't even see, but this looks cool? Because, like, when you play Madden, it's like, first thing you do, tint the visor. You know, I never had that issue.
When it stopped being cool was the NFL when they started fining me. Really? Oh, yeah.
Those fines started. You know, it was like when it was a $5,000 fine.
You were like, oh, well, like I'm going to wear this for $5,000. And then it started doubling and tripling.
And, you know, I think the Eagles game when me and Sean came out with the candy cane and, you know, the different shoes, the soccer cleats, and he had his face mask taped up. I think they fined us like 70K.
Yeah. You know.
That's significant. Yeah.
That's when it was like, man, this shit's not worth it, you know. But those fines just started adding up.
You're like, okay, it's five grand. Like, cool, whatever.
But once they hit us for the big lick, I was like, yeah, I'm done. And then that following week, the refs, as soon as I walked out of the tunnel, like, stopped me and was like, any infraction, you're out of here.
I'm just like, what are you talking about? And they were like, any infraction. Like, they checked my socks.
They checked my shoes. My gloves had to be the same.
Like, my visor. They were like, any infraction, you're gone.
That's insane. But you looked awesome in that game.
Yeah, visor is worth it. It was an awesome look.
They appreciate it. Yeah, it was a good look for that game.
It's also insane that they would throw you out of a game if your socks were like the wrong height but what's crazy is they adopted that that my cause my cleats yeah i was the first one with the gold bottoms and all of that then they found a way to capitalize yeah monetize yeah that's how they do it found a way to monetize it also means that you've probably saved a of lives because there's all this my cause, my cleats, people raising money for charity. Now it's a charity thing that would not exist if it wasn't for Clinton Portis.
You're a hero. In all the fines, I probably paid for a lot of those charities from the beginning.
I promise you I paid for a lot of those charities. But I think it's a great cause now.
It's just how you monetize it you know yeah when the the individuality of a player you took away yeah so uh this is a maybe a dumb question hard question but when you're a running back and you're getting later on in your career what's the first thing uh where you're like oh shit i'm old like what is it is it the burst is it you it the power? Is it like what was the first time when you're like, oh, this isn't me being 21 years old anymore. This feels different.
I don't even think I got to that feeling. I think for me it was the politics.
Oh. When you start like realizing and recognizing the politics of the game.
Yeah. Like it happened for me on the sideline.
We were playing the Steelers 2008, I think. For me, the incentive was it was going to be the fastest I ever got to 1,000 yards.
I was leading the NFL. I think I had like 980-something yards rushing.
So it's like my incentive is I'm coming out of week eight and I'm already at 1,000 yards. It's up.
For me, that was the incentive. And it was taking the wrong way.
I'm telling the coach, run the ball because I got this. I'm going to get these yards you're getting yards every time me right it wasn't asking selfishly like hey let's run the ball it was kind of I'm in my bag I know they can't stop me so give me the ball you know right and we had a blow up on the sideline and it just kind of changed.
Like he felt like I was being like, I'm not worried about your stats. And I'm like, what are you talking about? You're averaging four over four yards a carry.
Yeah. You're talking about you're not worried about stats.
Like I'm telling you, I'm going to get whatever I need to get done and I'm going to lead this team. And I think after that conversation, it kind of went the wrong way.

And we had a bye week.

We came back and we played Dallas.

And, you know, we had this crazy, we're going to throw the ball against the Marcus Ware.

Like, that's a bad idea, you know.

And any time I could tell if we were going to win or lose against Dallas, just contingent upon the game plan. If it was pass heavy, they're going to win.
If it was run heavy, we were going to win, you know. So it was one of those three-week stretches where I went from leading the league in the NFL to three weeks or four weeks later, I probably had gained 100 yards because me and the coach had a rift on the sideline where he felt like I was being selfish.
So I think it was at that point, I'm like, yeah, man, this, I'm over this. Yeah, I think we were, what, six and two at the time? We were definitely six and two.
We were really good. We were six and two.
And then shit fell completely apart. And that's the reason it fell apart.
And people never talk about that, but that's the reason it fell apart. It was like four weeks that it was some internal stuff going on that people didn't know about that just separated that team.
Because at 6-2, we were playing really good football. And then it got to the point like, okay, I'm going to show you.
I'm the coach. We're not running the ball.
This isn't about you. and then it got to the point like okay i'm gonna show you i'm the coach we're not running the ball this isn't about you and then we lose three games in a row yeah yeah it's uh is it okay that i say we i always think about that if i'm talking to a player like it's we if you we if i'm a fan you went through it with us i was with you i was with you the whole time you went through it with us so in transition between Gibbs, he leaves the team.
They're trying to figure out who to hire as the next coach. This was maybe the weirdest coaching search of all time that the Redskins went through.
We hired Jim Zorn, the offensive coordinator, right? He was a quarterback's coach. We brought him in as an OC.
Then everyone was like, oh, we're going to hire Fossil. He used to coach for the Giants.
He's going to be the next head coach. Things kind of went sideways with that for whatever reason i don't know maybe you can explain that but then snyder says okay we're just gonna you know what zorn's going to be the head coach now i know he's never called plays before he's never been a head coach before but i believe in this guy he's going to be the head coach as a player on that team when you're going through that process do you just sit back and be like, can somebody explain to me the logic behind this? Oh, you got me speechless, and that's rare.
I think as a player, we wanted Coach Williams. Everybody wanted Greg Williams.
Yeah, Dr. Heat.
To be the coach. And if Greg Williams takes over that team, I honestly think within those years,

because that team was so put together from Coach Gibbs

and Coach Williams' philosophy was kind of that hard nose just like Coach Gibbs,

I think we had an opportunity for more playoffs

and possibly to make a run with the team built the way that it was. And then once you switch to the new guy, it was downhill because that shift of being tough, that shift of being a red skin, which Coach Gibbs had that toughness, you know, which Coach Gibbs had built disappeared that quick.
You know, it was like, let's go another direction. You know, I don't want to be the tough.
We're going to be finessed. We're going to be, you know, and we got, we went from tough to soft.
And the faces and voices changed so quickly that the direction was lost you know uh for for a bunch of the guys that I would say were the leaders that were the the blood sweat and tears you kind of wanted to silence them and go in a different direction and when you you went in that direction, it lost the team because those guys didn't have the respect of the hard nose. So the people who landed on the line, you know, were kind of like, you're landing on the line, but you're not my guy.
And this is my guy. And you're like, that guy is soft.
Like, that guy is, you know, garbage. But it was one of those situations.
And, you know, in 08, after the season, we went to San Francisco. We finished the season in San Fran, New Year's.
I asked to be traded. You know, that never got out.
But I tried to leave. I'm like, just trade me.
You know, like, get me out of here because this is going in the wrong direction. You know, from Coach Gibbs to missing Greg Williams to the direction we went in.
In that six to eight months, it changed everything. We love Dr.
Heat. We love Greg Williams on the show.
Yes, big time. In practice, would he fuck up the offensive game plan because he just blitzed everybody all the time? Oh, he was arrogant.
But that was a good thing because that made us competitive. When those guys, you never knew what he was going to do.

And then you had craziness like Marcus Washington and Sean and Antonio Pierce.

Like, you had these guys who were just like his, like, this is heat-seeking muscle.

Yeah.

And it's a guy that you respect.

You know, Marcus Washington coming off the end, full speed disrupting. What are you going to say to that? That's the way he play.
Ashanti Blitzen, what are you going to say? That's the way he play. So it's not like he's doing this, you know, as a practice player.
It's like, okay, let me buckle my shit up. Like, they own one today.
Iron Shirt was iron, yeah. Yeah, it was more of that.
And once you lost that and you started to see the politics, like, everybody going to ask for Greg, and this is what you give us? Like, do you really want to win? You know, it was a lot of questions. Who's your favorite back right now to watch? Of course, it's hard not to say Christian McCaffrey.
Yeah. because I know the system that he's in.
But I think those backs in Miami, which, I mean, that's from the tree. Yeah, that kid, A-Chain, when he comes back, that separates Miami.
You know, that gives them another dimension. But I like guys like that.
I love guys who can hit the home run from anywhere. You know, you look at Brees Hall.
I don't think he get enough opportunity. But when he puts the ball in his hand, he's out.
Like, it's a big play waiting to happen. I think ETN is getting into his bag as well.
You know, I've been watching him lately. And I think he's growing as a running back.
So I love the young guy, like the explosive guy, that can take it the distance from anywhere because you're not getting that opportunity. You look at Derrick Henry, who was getting 20 to 25 touches a game.
His touches are down, and he's not having the same effect on the game. But your quarterback is – not House of Back is – what's the quarterback name? Oh, Will Evans.
Tannehill or Will Evans. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, your quarterback is Tannehill and you're throwing the ball 40 or 50 times a game. That's not adding up.
Like I got Derrick Henry and I got Tannehill and I'm letting Tannehill showcase his talent,

it's something wrong with that. Yeah.
Yeah. You mentioned Antonio Pierce.
He's now the head coach of the Las Vegas Raiders. That's kind of wild that he got installed as interim.
How do you think he's going to be as a coach? I think he's going to be great. You know, what's crazy is AP entire career has been crazy.
So AP was the special teams guy for the Redskins. And he was a key contributor in our run.
You know, and everybody loved him. Like he was big on our team.
And, you know, he was about to sign a deal with the Redskins to stay in town. I think we had, like, six weeks left, four to six weeks left.
And they had offered him, like, $2 million. He come down and says everybody knew he was negotiating.
You know, he came downstairs with his head down. It was, like, the last day of negotiations.
And he was about to sign for like 2.5 and he you know like he was sad like man they lowballing me but I'm finna sign it and I'm like who your agent you know he was like whatever his agent name was I'm like man I'm gonna call my agent and my agent was Drew Rosenhaus I called Drew like Drew man we got this kid, like Antonio Pierce. He's really good.
They're lowballing him. Like, his agent really not helping.
You should talk to him. You know, I introduced them.
AP ended up not signing that deal shortly after. He goes to New York, becomes a team captain, Super Bowl, Super Bowl.
You know, like, and his career just blossomed after that. So I think AP does well.
I wish it was a fair opportunity instead of this interim where you're going to go and look for someone else, you know. But it gives him an opportunity to showcase what he's capable of.
And if you look at that Giants defense, AP was the one put everybody in space, put everybody in position to get them guys together, that D-line,

the linebacking core to have everybody where they needed to be.

So he's a really smart guy.

I think instantly the Raiders' defense improves,

but I don't know offensively how much they bring to the table.

But if I had Devontae Adams in fantasy, I would think the AP is going to get him the ball. Feed him the ball.
Yeah. Yeah.
He has to. Dumb question that I like to ask some of our professional athletes to come on the show.
How cool was it being fast? Because you were really fucking fast. You ran track in high school, right? Yeah.
It was. You're just faster than everyone.
Do you ever you ever think about man, that was awesome when I was so fast? Yeah, it was. But it seemed like back in that day, everybody was fast.
It seemed like everybody ran track. I can remember being in a race.
We were in the Big East Championships and I just looked down the line and you got Santana Moss, Phillip Buchanan, Najee Davenport, Torrey Mitchell, myself, and Daryl Jones. It's only eight lanes.
Yeah. It's only eight lanes.
And six of the kids were from the football team. Right.
And I'm like, I wasn't even the fastest. I think I finished fourth.
That's crazy. I finished fourth.
Santana, Torrey, Phillip, and then me. That's nuts.
Do you think it's weird that guys don't run track anymore? Yeah, I think it's really weird. And the weirdest part about it is that's the fun.
Because all the women are on the track team. Like, why wouldn't you run track? You don't get hit.
Yeah. Why wouldn't you run track? And it was a way to get out of workouts for me.
Yeah. So it was like, Coach, we got a track meet, man.
I can't be in here lifting all these crazy weights. He would be like, Portis, like, get in there.
And, you know, eventually let me just go on the track practice and handle my business. I'd be like, Coach, man, all this weight, like, it's slowing me down.
You're going to get me burnt. Like, you're going to get me smoked, you know.
So it was just one of those. But it was so fun because the guys for us, for myself, Tanner, Andre Johnson, like, that gave us a chance to just get out of Miami and really bond.
So when we came back to the team, we got more shorts. Ed Reed was on the, he was throwing javelin.
Like, half an hour football team was on the track team. That's the most intimidating track team of all time.
It has to be. The coach of the Miami track team is the luckiest person on earth.
Jesus. He's like, I'm just going to invite all these guys to be my guys.
And he's throwing javelin. Oh, my God.
I got to see some tape of that. Yeah.
Yeah. Being fast would be cool.
I've never been fast. I mean, you lose it.
That's the thing about it. You're definitely going to get slower as you age.
Yeah. Yeah.
yeah. All right, so give us your Super Bowl pick.
Who you got this year? Who are your two favorite teams? I like the Eagles. I think the Eagles in the NFC, they're the most complete team right now, barring any injury, and they have depth.
So barring nothing happens to Hurts or Brown or Smith, I think the Eagles go NFC. And AFC, if Lamar continues to develop and that defense, you know, it's a new D coordinator, they're getting their stuff together.
If that defense hits stride in December, January, where they have that identity back of a Baltimore Ravens defense, I think the Ravens become tough because the goal is to keep Lamar fresh during the season. And if you can get him into the playoffs healthy

instead of nagging injuries like every other year,

I think he brings a different element and dimension to that team.

So right now what he's learning to do in keeping himself fresh

is going to be problems for people down the line.

Okay, good answer.

I have one last question, rowback question. Promo code TAKE.
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Okay, this is a hypothetical. Last question, and we're going to probably talk about it in Fyre Fest, but you've been in a lot of team situations.
What do you do if one guy on your team, he's got the easiest job in the world. All he's got to do is, let's say, press a button, and he doesn't press the button, and he fails the whole team.
How do you deal with that? You whoop him. Okay.
All right, that's a good answer. You whoop him.
Yeah. At Miami, that guy would have got whooped.
Yeah. Okay.
I like that. He would have got hands and feet put on him.
Okay. Hands and feet put on him.
I like it. Maybe nobody would have known about it.
Yeah. Him in the body.
Okay. The next time he would have pressed that button early.
Yes. Hold on.
Yes. Hold on.
Let's get this right. One, two, three.
You want me to press it on three, right? All you got to do is press the button. All you got to do is press the button.
He would have understood. So I think that was the great thing about Miami, D.
The discipline came from the players, not even the coaches. The discipline came from the players, and it was a bonding moment because you were holding each other accountable.
So all of that little sneaky

and somebody saw you.

Somebody saw you.

I like that.

Our producer forgot to press the button on Wednesday

when the podcast just didn't go out.

Put hands and feet on it.

Ooh, whoop them.

Alright, well Clinton, this has been awesome, man.

So much fun. Also, tune in, Pro Football Football Show.
Clinton was on this week. That's airing on YouTube, 8 o'clock Easter on Friday night.
Awesome time with you today. Yeah.
Thanks so much. I know people will be listening to this on Friday, but you're going to stick around for the stream, too.
We're going to watch the ball. Oh, yeah.
I'll be here. Yeah, love it.
Thank you for winning a playoff game for us. We won a playoff game.
And that was the last time. That was crazy.
That was the last time. I think Mark Brunel had like 42 yards passing.
You had a touchdown. I remember that.
That's honestly, that's the highlight of my career fandom as a Washington Redskin commander. That's crazy, man, because it should have been so much more.
I honestly think the year that we lost to Seattle, we were up at halftime. Carlos Rodgers missed the pick six.
And the onside kick, I think we recover an onside kick and we come out throwing the ball for midfield and they stop us. We go for it on fourth down and that changes the game.
You know, if we win that game, I honestly think because we had already played the Bears and the Steelers that year, I honestly think that give us a chance at that Detroit Super Bowl. We were running the damn ball.
Yeah. That's what we were doing.
All right. Well, thanks so much, Clinton.
Appreciate it, man. Hey, no problem.
Thanks, man. Clinton Portis is brought to you by Rocket Money.
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Manage your money the easy way by going to rocketmoney.com slash take that's rocketmoney.com slash take rocketmoney.com slash take and now here's tiffany gomez okay we now welcome on a very special guest it is a part of my take exclusive it is tiffany gomez she is here in studio you probably remember her uh she did go viral a few months ago the plane incident which let's let's we can put that in the past i mean who cares about that right oh is that fingers crossed please oh please yeah yeah so i don't remember that's yeah i don't even i don't even remember what we're talking about you're just our friend so we invite you to the podcast. Right.
So what did you see? You really start off with that? Well, it's a hard question. You start off with a hard question, and then it's like everything's going to get easy off that.
Yeah. Wow.
We can start off, and then we'll jump to Big Guy's question. First question, sup? Yeah, sup? Sup? Just so you know, I'm kind of like ...
So I got three kids. I'm the dad dad like i kind of like hank's dad he's the cool guy here um so like i'm i'm like the dad of the podcast but hank is like our guy okay yeah yeah i just wanted to set the stage well hank kind of runs barstool sports yeah i've heard he drives an audi he's the guy behind the scenes he's the best golfer he's he's always on vacation he's the guy yeah i see you're like saving kittens and all sorts of shit oh yeah i mean that's people you know people oh yeah they like to gas me yes it's so wild yeah i drive a lamborghini i donate to charity constantly yeah addict all that stuff all right so i'll start it easier then no i'm kidding no we can get to that right.
So how crazy has your life been in the last few months?

Because I would imagine the internet's a weird place.

You go viral and you're like, holy shit, all these people watch this video.

This is insane.

Oh, man.

Yeah, it was.

It's been very wild.

I don't even know how to explain it, honestly.

There's no playbook to going viral, right like i'm just a normal person is contrary to what people think promise you i'm a pretty normal person and after this all went viral um yeah my life to change like i chilled for a little bit and people didn't think that because like dmz and all the things but no i did like i didn't come out of my house for like over four weeks that's crazy like literally blinds down everything like so all right so walk us through when it happens so it happens and then you go home and then the next day it goes viral and are you like no that's not that big of a deal only a few places have posted it and then you're like oh wait fuck this is now become like a meme and everything because I would imagine It's a that big of a deal. Only a few places have posted it.
And then you're like, oh, wait, fuck. This has now become like a meme and everything.
Because I would imagine it's a very scary feeling. That's a funny story.
So, obviously, I leave the airport finally, which I did not get arrested. I know everyone thinks I did.
Don't know how I didn't, but I did not get arrested. And I had already left when they like came out with some citation or something so I didn't refuse to sign anything like I just was gone you left yeah yeah so I'm like in the uber calling my mom I'm like this is bad like mom this is bad and I'm like I'm gonna go viral tomorrow so you saw the phone you do at the time um I just knew what a fool I acted like I just knew like I knew I was going viral yeah and you know how social media is like I'm not dumb to to realize what's gonna happen so that was like a later flight by time I got home I am like literally like a crazy person not literally but searching like American Airlines American Airlines on TikTok.
Like, i'm like i know it's gonna come out and i am freaking out inside like talk about anxiety way more anxiety than i had in the moment right um so anyways yeah we and i got on another flight at 6 a.m on southwest successful flight successful flight um wearing the same outfit yeah wait did you put your hair down at least the next time no i can't like my hair is wet like the reason why i slick it back like that people think that's like oh she's trying to get no no like that's my lazy fit like yeah you're on an airplane my hair's wet yeah like i tie it in a bun like as long as hell it takes 30 minutes to blow dry it like i'm trying to do that every day right so um yeah we get there and we're going on a cruise so you like drop off your bags like immediately so i can't even change so the only person that knows what's going on is my mom and we have like my grandparents my siblings everybody's there on a family cruise oh yeah But I'm the only one on like i'm on a separate flight right um i'm meeting them there so yeah i like can't even like get a new shirt out of my bag i'm like mom you have a hat like do you have a beach hat like sunglasses anything but it hadn't gone that viral yet thank goodness um but that night i like literally got off of all of social media yeah i deactivated every account deleted every photo the only photo they can find is like 10 or 12 years old from an old like they're like she doesn't look like the same girl i hope not that was 12 years ago yeah right like i mean so you're not got my eyebrows microbladed since then sorry you're not a clone officially. Because then when the apology video came out, everybody was like, oh, it's a different person.
Are you a CIA plant? Is this a big opportunity? Oh, my God. Yeah, I'm a fed.
I'm CIA. I mean, the conspiracy theories are really good.
Yeah, they kind of are. I mean, they're really entertaining to listen to.
But no. We were saying when it happened, like, everyone that thinks that this is a different person like have you ever been with a girl yeah women have like a hundred different looks yeah that they can get into a lot of you well but not that not too many the right amount a good amount of the good amount he's experienced yeah yeah right hank's kind of a perfect amount he's a daddy the perfect amount oh my god i can't I can't.
Zaddy, actually. I can't.
Wait, so, okay. Can I ask again what you saw? You know, the reason why I probably haven't come out yet, because it's like so cringe, I did not see anything.
What? I mean, I think y'all knew that. Okay.
We honestly had no idea. Yeah.
You said you did. No, I did not.
The media. Those motherfuckers.
You said this motherfucker's not real. I said that motherfucker.
Is not real. Not these or they.
Apologies. Yeah.
So I got in a bit of an altercation. It spiraled out of control.
It was not my best moment. I mean, it's actually a horrible moment.
It's absolutely mortifying. Everyone has bad moments on planes.
Yeah, but mine, you know, 450 million plus people have seen it. Yep.
like it's actually a horrible moment it's absolutely mortifying everyone has bad moments on planes yeah but mine you know 450 million plus people have seen it yeah like it's a lot of people exactly exactly thank god people like don't think it's me though yeah i'm cool with that i'm cool with that i'm happy if they don't think it's me so what you're saying is that clip that we all saw that motherfucker's not real is not like you thinking someone is an alien. It was just the tail end of an argument.
It was an expression of speech. Okay.
So it was just like you had an argument with some guy on the plane, and then as you're leaving, you're like, that motherfucker's not real. Yeah.
That's crazy. Was it like an armrest? Like you guys are fighting over the armrest? Yeah, what was the fight over? Overhead space.
This is way less crazy, by the way. You're completely vindicated, because everyone obviously said they watched the clip and they're like oh what'd you see an alien what'd you see this like no no she was just saying that motherfucker's not real yeah i mean so daily mail was like the first to like take it and run with it and they're like she saw a not real person and i'm like they are making me look bad shit yeah and given i did like i did look absolutely crazy um but no i'm just was in my feels needed to get off that i was highly distressed um not a good look it was not a good situation yeah so it's not a good look so was the armrest guy smelled bad i was thinking no i was actually in, and I, like, gave up my aisle seat because I'm, as you heard me say, I'm only 5'2".
My little bratty-ass voice, like, so sorry for that, by the way. So gave up.
I was in the middle seat, and it was just, there was just a really bad energy, and I don't want to get into, like, all the details of that. Just, as know there's it's ongoing and yeah it's probably not the smartest to get into that but um yeah i i feel like you're vindicated now because it really was everyone thought like oh she saw something she saw something she's crazy she's on drugs i mean no that's just an expression it would be way cooler if i did yeah yeah uh now like people dressing dressing up as you for halloween that's crazy that's kind of that's wild was there one in particular that you saw and you're like that's my favorite um there was actually this little baby that was adorable that they dressed up but you know there was the one girl that like panned to the bunny that like dallas tv news put on and that one was pretty legit Babies are funny play.
Babies are funny. Yeah, but the baby's like honorable mention for sure.
Yes. So after this happens, and when you see like the first like five, 10 minutes of you going viral, and you're like, shit, somebody put it out.
This is happening. Did you like hope that somebody very famous died right then? So that that way people just focus on that instead of the video? You know what is so great? there's so many things that happened that it's still continued to go viral right i have no clue why like literally the people that shit on a plane like yeah i mean i was like i thought that was the best thing for you i was like we're gonna move on didn't go away like it still didn't shit on a plane yeah and i was like really like don't get me confused with the person that shit on the plane like i just lost my shit yeah i got i got a i got a theory and i hope you don't take this the wrong way i think maybe you are attractive that might have been why people people like no seriously like the internet is uh a horny place and so they're like oh attractive woman going crazy yeah i'd'd rather watch that video than literal human feces.
I mean, let's be real. No pun intended.
My voice was just so high pitched. And people were like, she doesn't sound the same.
Well, thank God I don't sound like that every day. Like, who could deal with that? Yeah, you had a bad moment.
It was amplified to like the big... It was like the wrong place at the wrong time times a million.
It was really bad. It seems like.
It was really bad. And so now everyone has bad moments.
It was really bad. Now your worst moment like exists as like the internet's focus of who you are as a person.
Yeah. So people like think I've like been trying to like, I've been trying to dodge it, honestly.
Like I, you know, I put out the apology video because obviously I am really sorry to everybody on the plane like that i disrupted a lot of people and that's i travel a lot and that's just really not my character um it was just a wild situation that i was in and i needed you know i did need to get off um i just wish i would have done it peacefully yeah not not making some outlandish comments yeah well anyone who's like judging you long term is crazy they're they're not real those motherfuckers aren't real because like who doesn't have a bad moment who cares and now it's like for the longest time i couldn't laugh about it like now it's like dude you were out you were out there yeah like you need to chill yeah yeah you gotta lean into it at some point yeah well now it's like, dude, you were out. You were out there.
Yeah. Like you need to chill.
Yeah. You got to lean into it at some point.
Yeah. Well, now it's like, it is funny now that like a little time.
Yeah. Times passed.
Like it was embarrassing. Like I felt really bad for my family.
Like super close with my family. Yeah.
You're going on a cruise with them. You can't be any closer than going on a fucking cruise.
Yeah. Jesus Christ.
Can you imagine like I go viral and I'm have to get on a cruise ship. you can't be any closer than going on a fucking cruise yeah that's great can you imagine like i go viral and i have to get on a cruise ship i am like losing my mind the last thing i want to do is beyond that but it was probably the best thing for my mental health yeah i'm sure it was a bunch of people wearing like mascot outfits jumping around you and you're supposed to act like i tried my hardest to get a picture with minnie mouse I tried.
But she had a line out the door.

This should be a warning to everybody,

just never go on a cruise.

If you had never gone on a cruise,

this wouldn't have happened.

Exactly.

Cruise ships are like prisons.

Yeah, don't do it.

Are your parents internet literate

where they knew what was going on

or were you just like, yeah.

There's this video going on.

Good question.

Thank you.

Good question.

Just a really good question. No, not at all at all so my mom her facebook profile was public yeah that's the internet first person found me is because my mom's facebook profile was public yeah i was like mom what are you doing and i was like okay no just it's my fault yeah my fault yeah um so anyways she just deactivated her account because she she felt bad.
I'm like, mom, it's not your fault. Like, that's a crazy one.
The people who are looking for your mom on Facebook are also the crazy people. Like we live on the Internet.
We our job is to be on the Internet. Yeah, it sucks.
It really does. I mean, it's not very nice.
No, it's not nice. But I mean, I have pretty thick skin, but it's definitely callous now.
Yeah. there was a video of somebody that was like looking on their computer for your mom trying to find your mom that's a crazier moment yeah way crazier way crazier thank you yeah way way crazier but um well hank actually was telling us that before it was his point we still wanted to like my name didn't get released for so long which people are like i don Like why people, you know, like I said, Dallas news TV, like they, they put me on or they put my clip on.
And so then I have all these people texting me cause I've already deactivated social media. So I have all these people texting me and they're like, Oh my God, this is your doppling ganger.
This is you. And I was like, yeah, cool.
It's a lot like me. Cool.
I've just been on this Disney cruise. I don't know what you're talking about literally just played it off and pretend i was like yeah cool never responded to anyone yeah like my real friends like my really close friends were like oh we could tell about your mannerisms like that yeah yeah and then you posted the apology video which i think was really well done um and then it's confusing to a lot of people it's confusing because we want to know what you saw.
That was the whole thing. But you didn't see anything.
Because you know what? Deep down inside me, I thought that you... I thought you saw something cool.
Yeah. I wish I did.
I really did. I mean, who knows? I wish I did.
Yeah. No, I had multiple people telling me what I should and shouldn't do.
You know, you have voices coming at every angle. And it's like clear the noise which i tried and it was like okay who am i you know who am i what do i really want i want to disappear yeah and i tried and then the travis chapman painting came out of all the not reals yeah yeah so then it's like cool it goes viral again yeah then it chills for a little bit then my name gets released it goes viral again yeah so it's like everyone thinks like oh my god i'm seeing this girl like i didn't want that right at all it just got pushed on no i did not want that and the internet will get rid of anything if you give it long enough yeah so right it's like talking about it also helps where if you're trying to conceal something then people search harder but if're just like, this is what happens.
I wasn't trying to conceal anything per se. But I'm not an athlete.
I'm not a celebrity. I'm not any of those things.
So I didn't know I needed to make a statement. I didn't know I needed to do these things.
Yes, I'm in marketing. But I'm not in crisis management.
I'm not in PR. I did what what i thought right right and then it got a lot of backlash like i just i think no matter what i do it's probably not gonna be right yeah yeah well i i could tell you one thing that you did wrong um i'll just say listen this is all due respect you took that picture of you in your kitchen uh when you, the feet? You put your feet out there.
You shouldn't have put your feet on the internet. No, I didn't really know that.
The fucking horny guys were like, you gave them away for free. No shit.
I should be making money on that. I know.
I should have blurt them out. I know.
God. If you want us to track those guys down, Hank will.
He'll fucking fight them. I mean, I feel like I should get compensated for something.
Well, that's why you don't give them away for free. I didn't know that was a thing.
Unfortunately, it is. Who likes feet? I think feet are disgusting.
A lot of guys. A lot of guys.
A lot of weirdos. Not Hank, but there's a lot of weird guys out there.
We actually have a feet guy here. He's a girl.
You could meet him face to face and be like, why? I mean, I'll show him my toe. They're pretty great.
No, no. He probably already knows it.
He really zoomed in. Keep them hidden.
We'll actually blur out your boots that you're wearing right now.

We don't want you to give this away at all.

When you released that photo, were you like 10 minutes later like, shit, everyone's talking

about my feet?

No, I had no clue.

And then everyone's like, oh, you're AI, you're AI.

And I was like, what?

I mean, clearly y'all can tell I'm not.

You're not AI.

You're real.

I'm not a robot.

You are fucking real. Thank you.
Actually, can we just get you to say the Miami Dolphins are not fucking real? Can you say that? Do I have to do it in the high-pitched voice? No, no. So bad.
Normal voice is good. Oh, I'm like, please don't make me bring that back.
No, no. It's so bad.
Your normal voice is outstanding. Thank you.
Good voice. Thank you.
It's much better than the Minnie Mouse. Everyone thought I was Minnie Mouse for the longest time.
Yeah. What am I saying, though? The Miami Dolphins are not fucking real.
The Miami Dolphins are not fucking real. Ooh, I like it.
That's good. I like it.
People are going to get mad at us for that. Yeah, they will.
Not at you. Yeah, they will.
They better get mad at you. They're going to be happy for you.
I don't need any more people mad at me, okay? No one's going to get mad at you. Please don't.
People shouldn't be mad at you. They shouldn't.
This is crazy. Again, it's like your worst moment.
It happened to be caught on film. You did nothing bad.
And then then it resonated because you're an attractive woman and there's a lot of horny weirdos online yeah and so we keep going back to it um but yeah when you were when you were dealing with the aftermath of this you do work in marketing did that like affect your your business life did that affect you thank god i work for myself okay good i i saw some oh she got fired oh um thank you for letting me know i fired myself that's great you should have fired yourself that would have been a good pr move oh yeah we have let tiffany go yeah yeah due to the circumstances that have been brought to our attention and then you quietly rehire yourself but what's so crazy is everyone thinks like i'm this marketing genius which is highly entertaining but um i actually do real estate investments. That's like my primary source of income right now.
Okay. Legit.
I literally don't. I've done marketing my whole career, promotional and e-commerce, but primarily now just real estate.
That's sick. Hank owns his own condo that overlooks Lake Michigan.
Nice. It's very sick.
It's got like a panoramic view. It's really sick.
I think it's on like one of the highest floors in the building. Yeah.
It's so dope. Yeah.
Thanks. It's nice.
How tall are you, Hank? 6'1"? 6'1"? Yeah. 6'1"? 6'1"? 6'2".
Thanks. Well, I told the whole world I was 5'2", 120 pounds.
But I might be like 125, 28 right now. That's fine.
We're not counting. I've that's fine we're not I've never lied about my

weight I've never lied about never lied about my height we're just all we're really just normal how tall do you think I am careful careful be very careful you could actually we this whole interview could turn on this oh yeah okay that's fine I was worried you were gonna say five nine and short-chain.

How much do you think I weigh?

This isn't fair.

I won't get hurt. Hank, I'm going to stop saying nice shit about you.
No, Hank's being funny. But he is funny.
Hank's so fucking funny. I don't know.
We fuck with each other like that, Hank and I. We're just boys.
He's a guy's guy, but also a girl's guy. Pass.

Pass.

Okay.

You can say any number.

Say any number.

It won't hurt my feelings.

205.

Oh, my God.

That was incredible.

Look at us.

I'm so much fatter than that.

Look at us.

That's great.

205 and 510.

I love it.

I love it.

We're fucking just killing it right now.

We're killing it right now, especially Hank, though.

I wish we could be half as close as Hank.

Hank is.

Yeah, yeah.

What's the weirdest celebrity that's hollered at you? Weirdest or like best? Both. Yeah.
I mean, Conor McGregor reached out. Okay, yeah.
I saw he liked one of your tweets today. No, he like sent me a DM.
Like he wasn't trying to get my pants or anything. No, no.
He's just saying what up. No, he wanted to know what I saw.
Oh, okay. Like literally wanted to know what I saw.
The fuck did you see? But regardless,'s connor mcgregor follows me like yeah what the hell that's pretty cool yeah that is very cool kind of wild have you got any weird dms from people don't question the weirdest i think we know that yes yeah i'd say so yeah has there been a guy named jersey jerry that hit you up about your feet i don't okay all right we just want to make sure he works here so i just wanted to say i want to make sure that he's not there's certain things like i mean i can't feel it at all like because it it's kind of crazy yeah yeah and i actually have a full-time job so i can't spend my whole time on social media yeah yeah no that's fair miss here and there and people are like she posted like her page is all over the place it's the wildest shit no i'm just like a normal person yeah yeah i do post like random ass shit yeah you should just you should sprinkle in some like real estate investment opportunities in between the pictures that you put yeah let everyone know you're hard working like hank hank works harder than anyone here yeah so i have a few rentals have an office building love that yeah I work sorry but he also plays hard yeah he's like vacations hard as well yeah yeah I don't know why they asked me to sit in this and there we just love oh I know I know listen so it's know why they do. No, listen.
Hank is just a catch. Hank's going to be going with us to the game this weekend.
So it's going to be Iowa-Northwestern. Hank's a big Iowa fan.
So I feel like we should all root for Iowa this weekend. I don't feel like he is an Iowa fan.
Well, he's deciding his Big Ten team. Yeah.
Me and Tiffany already kind of. We already talked about that.
Oh, so you don't even need us here, Hank. We'll leave.
Yeah. But I do need some Iowa gear because I don't have any.
Okay. Yeah, we can get some.
We can get some. Hank's got a guy for that.
Easy. He's got a guy for everything.
It seems like. Yeah, Amazon.
Jeff Bezos is his guy. Why did you decide to now start speaking out? You know, at the end of the day, it's not necessarily going away.
I think it would probably be a good two years before it truly goes away and i'll be a meme for the rest of my life i get it i get it but at this point it's funny like it is funny it's not funny what the passengers had to go through at all but it me and the outlandish shit i said was absolutely funny right and i mean what are you gonna do with it like yeah it's a great attitude like lean into it it is what it is i own it like it's embarrassing my very worst moment caught on camera but i mean it is what it is honestly like like i said we our lives are on the internet we live on the internet every single day like joking about it and being like it's funny we'll make it go away faster than anything well and like humor is what's gotten me through this whole thing like the first four weeks were i mean first eight weeks really were brutal and you know like i said there's not a playbook for it so it's like how do you how do you deal with it how do you survive it like that's different ballgame yeah media is media is mean yeah yeah and they they they don't post they don't post real facts well yeah the tabloid bullshit yeah it seems like you've got a good support group around you you got friends like the best of friends yeah like why did my name not get released because my friends are loyal that's awesome that's actually that reminds me of hank yeah he's a fucking best friend we were thinking about like after it happened it was weird how long it took for your name to get there and i i didn't put two and two together but yeah you obviously have like an ironclad yeah yeah and even to this day like they won't speak on it love it and all my friends like you know there's everybody else like what did you see what you see not one of my friends asked that every single one of my friends was like how are you yeah that's awesome and it's just i have people in my corner that's really cool that does remind me of hank so when you uh when you flew up here you obviously you travel a lot right so you get around a lot do you have to now go like in disguise on a plane or have you ever fucked with people and you wear the the old outfit and you step on no so what was funny is everyone thought i wore the same exact outfit like when tmz did their thing no i was not in the same exact outfit actually i had a brown tank top on my wardrobe is basically black and brown guys aren't good with details no but what they didn't see is i had some big old baggy cargo pants on yeah i have some tight jeans and i sure as hell wouldn't show in my midriff. Yeah.
Yeah. Guys are dumb.
We think when we see a woman on camera one time, we think they're like a cartoon character. They wear the same outfit every time we see them.
So wait, you're wearing a green dress. I mean, yeah, but I had a 6 a.m.
flight. So they're like, oh, her hair's pulled back.
Well, yeah, it was wet. It was soaking wet.
Right. They're like, but it's darker.
It's wet. Right.
Right. Literally.
Again, guys don't really understand any of this. Did TMZ just find you? Like, were you expecting them or were you just like, why the fuck are these people? I think they like, they chill out at the airport.
It's not. I mean, it's LAX.
Yeah. And that wasn't my first flight.
I'd been on multiple others before that. That's more mitigating circumstances.
We've all been there trying to make connecting flights. No, I wasn't connecting there.
That was a different trip. I had already been to Sedona, Belize, and then LA.
Okay. So you can fly.
I can fly. You can fly.
How about this? How many flights have you taken successfully? Probably 16. In my whole life? In your whole life.
Oh, my God. I can't even count.
At least, like, two a month for my whole adult years. Okay.
So you want to say, like, 500 flights? At least, yeah. And you've had one bad flight.
Yeah. Why don't we talk about the $4.99? That's an incredible run that you've been on.
Yeah. You know? Like, you should reframe it.
Like, 99.98% of flights that you've been on have been completely successful. Yeah.
I mean, when you look at it like that. It's facts.
It's not too bad. It's facts.
Alright well this has been awesome Tiffany. Appreciate you coming in.
Yeah thanks for having me. You're going to watch some football with us tonight right? I hope so.
Do you want to guess our lottery ball machine? No one's gotten it yet. This is a new one.
So we so back story is I bought a lottery ball machine from China like three years ago. Does it work? At the end of every show yeah at.
At the end of every show, we all guess. We all got it.
Hank got it like a shitload of times. We all got it a ton of times, but now we have a new machine.
No one has ever gotten this one. Now I'm nervous.
No one's even come close. No one's even come close.
So I just guess a number? Well, Hank's come close because he's really good at it. Hank basically got it.
How many? Do I just guess one number? One number. Hank pretty much got it two shows a good one.
This would be an all-time moment if you got it. No.
Go ahead. 24.
Okay. Let's go.
Man, would this be... And don't be upset because this is kind of like the flights.
There's many... We've done this hundreds of times where we don't get it.
Ah, 91. 91.
Oh, like who would guess 91? Yeah, I know. This is a stupid guess.
It's a stupid machine. Like there should only be a poster.
I'm throwing this machine out. It's not even that big a part of the show.
So let's just get rid of it. Yeah, that's horrible.
Don't use it every day. All right.
Well, Tiffany, thanks so much. We are Tiffany Gomez fans now.
Yeah. We have your back.
We will tag us in on any fights online that you get into. If anyone goes after you.
I do see you get comment or tagged in like everything. Everything you post.
Your response to everything you post. Yeah.
I'm so sorry. If you have a problem, if you have a problem, you come tell us.
Will you all be my bodyguards? We will absolutely crack some skulls. I'm not kidding.
We will do it. We do it.
Internet bodyguards. This is what we do.

We do it for our friends.

All of our friends.

You're now in the circle of trust.

Yeah.

Can you please tell people I'm not actually batshit crazy?

You're not crazy.

You've been out here all day.

You're not crazy.

You're not.

I'm actually functioning.

I'm a functioning human most of the time.

What does Tiffany Gomez do for fun?

Ooh, that's a good one.

Concerts, sporting events, travel, beaches at least you just listed hank's favorite activities it's crazy me and hank need to be friends i think so yeah a lot in common yeah sounds like it thank you so much tiffany really appreciate it thank y'all for having me before we get to fire fest it's sponsored by our friends at Morgan & Morgan.

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This is a paid advertisement. Okay, let's wrap up.
Firefest of the week. Henry? Yes.
My first F first fire fest is we forgot to mention the new intro song at the beginning of the podcast oh yeah yeah you were supposed to remind me i for my we're at fire fest i forgot yeah yeah uh but if you're watching on youtube we have a new intro song absolute banger joss dicks back in the mix yes that ron didn't even know it poet uh he did the theme song for bbt him and pft collabed came up with a new song for the youtube intro so watch the youtube and listen i honestly think it gets stuck in your head yeah it's very very catchy job job did a great job we didn't know what to expect we just sent him like the lyrics and then he sent them back to us and it was like great job job knocked out of the park. My second fire fest is that this podcast, when it started, one of our big themes was kind of roasting Dude Perfect.
And then a few years ago, we did a documentary review, and you guys kind of came around on them, and I stuck on the Dude Perfect or Losers, their lame train. Now we're Dude Perfect.
I like the Purple Hoser. Now're dude uh with uh cody and cody yeah we were smart to switch everything got inspected and i've kind of been going around today like playing around being like i'm just gonna do trick shots all day like i am you are perfect i'm going to be dude perfect and i've spent the last 10 years shitting on them but now that i see it it's in front of me and I'm able to do it myself.
It's like, yeah, no. Here is why not just do some trick shots.
Trick shots are fun. Trick shots are cool.
Here's the spin zone. We're dude.
Perfect. But we fail all the time.
Exclusively. Yeah.
Here's a promise. We will always edit out the shots that we make.
Yeah. No.
Yeah. Yeah.
So you now have to say that you were wrong. did i not just firefest that's not what you said i just came clean you just you said you guys came clean and then i realized there's trick shots you didn't say i henry lockwood was wrong i henry lockwood was wrong that dude perfect no clip that exactly how it was i want that clip for social forever and i will keep that thank you memes make sure i have that don't let in the part of the dude perfect i already asked i already asked memes i said i need to get a compilation of the compliments from the tiffany interview just so i can have that no with no context that never happened that never happened no that never happened i thought we did a pretty normal interview.
Yeah. Yeah.
I don't remember complimenting. Did it work? No.
I mean, we're chilling. Yeah.
Yeah. Podcast.
Yeah. Hank's like, no, I didn't leave you guys.
Yeah. No, it's midnight.
We're podcasting. Yeah.
Did I gas you up? No, dude. I'm sitting here eating pizza with you on a Thursday night.
Midnight. It's about the friends we made along the way.
Yeah. That's fact.
It was all a bit. We don't mean any of it.
But I will be, yeah, like, I'm going to be doing Dude Perfect type shit and posting it, and people are going to be like, you're a fucking sellout loser, Dude Perfect. Not us, because PFT and I.
And I'm going to be like, yeah, it is what it is. I'm a purple hoser guy up and down.
It's fun when you have, you know, when you got a basketball court, you got a beam. You want to be like, let me see if I can throw this ball off a wall and into the hoop it is yeah dude it's fun yeah you get millions and millions and billions of views no dude perfect youtube stresses me out i i've been watching this show called vlad and nicky fly tv no it's these two little kids and they just like do random shit and they get like they're they're russian they live in florida they walk on bridges it's for like kids stuff it's like kids watch it they're like playing kids games and stuff every single one of their videos is like 75 million views it's crazy it's just saying whatever you can put on to have on repeat while your kids just watch we need to make kid programming That's what we need to do.
Kids YouTube is insane.

It's insane.

My niece and nephew is watching Miss Rachel.

Have you seen her?

No, I don't want to get that.

Those are terrible.

Like, they're 200 million views.

Yeah, we need to get it.

Hey, that's the future.

We got to get kids programmed

because we have the space now.

Let's fucking make a kid's YouTube

and we'll just put on, like,

what?

Why?

You just got to have the bloopy voice.

You can do a tour of the office

I'm sorry. fucking make a kids like let's make a kids youtube and we'll just put on like what why you just got to have the bloopy voice you wait you can do a tour of the office and be like in the bloopy voice like wow look at this basketball it's orange yeah kids love that ball wow that's a great pass big cat and you and all all the hoops are 10 feet tall and i've been playing basketball since james day smith came around in a beach basket now look at this it's a small white ball not like a big orange basketball what do you think we do with this oh well you hit it with a stick whoa that's seriously it that's it yeah it's fucking billionaires yeah yeah i mean we're gonna be doing that stuff office reveal drops monday uh but yeah i i was wrong we should definitely do kids videos and in the middle of that, we'll be like, look at this brown ball.
That's a football. You throw it real far.
Hey, kids, you ever hear about Dak Prescott? He can't win the big one. Hey, this is a brown ball.
You throw it real far, and then when you play it and you get hit on the head, you see little Tweety Birds, but you'll be fine. That's okay.
It's just cobwebs. Shake it off.
Get back into the game. Dude, we yeah hank just figure it out make a little kid set we'll fucking do the stupid voices we'll put on stupid hats and we'll go mega viral hey kids guess a number oh you got it before hank oh 69 why does billy always guess that it's because when when mommy and daddy love each other very much they put their mouths on each other's privates when mommy puts her but daddy puts her d and mommy's m and we're still waiting for that taylor swift video you think we're ever gonna see her milkers that's where milk comes from we could do this dude we could easily do this yeah i'm sold okay All right, we're we're done i'll fucking we can test it with my kids yeah let's do it yeah listen i'll i'll do anything i'll do anything for millions of dollars for clicks and we just subtly put in part of my take stuff and we just get all these young listeners i'm in all right the chargers are frauds they'll a big game.
When Daddy gets mad, it's because he lost his 16-team parlay. Oh, yeah, we should do a betting series.
Daddy really needed Deontay Johnson to score a touchdown. What does overrunner mean? Well, you'll root for the points.
All right. PFT or Firefest? My Firefest is we were playing basketball out on the court.
This was in between the Miss Gomez interview and the live stream. We were playing some three-on-three out there.
And it was myself, Max, Memes, who's sneaky good at basketball. You never know it from how he runs around.
He's sneaky good at everything except being nice to people. He is very bad at that.
That one he sucks at. He's great at being mean to people.
And Shaneane was playing evan was playing pug yep pug we got a pug our youtube guy evan was playing there was a loose ball a scramble ensued for it and pug is built like a fire hydrant he's pug he's pug yeah he's bug and uh i was going for it he was going for it he put his shoulder as my hands were up in the air he put his shoulder like right into my ribs and i instantly heard and felt something pop when he did it and now it hurts to breathe it hurts to move it hurts to laugh it hurts to do anything hurts to sit hurts to stand up i have broken ribs before i don't know if this is a broken rib or if it's like displaced cartilage but he fucks something up inside my chest and it hurts real bad. And it's day one of playing basketball on our court.
And of course, somebody has to get nicked up a little bit. Yeah.
And then- Yeah, I mean, someone was going to get hurt first. Yeah.
I told Clinton Portis about it. He was like, I can rearrange your ribs.
And I was like, I don't think- Oh, that sounds- Yeah. And I was like, I don't think that- Rearrange your guts.
I was like, I don't think that's a thing that you can do he's like no seriously just like lay down on the ground so i laid down on my chest and then he just put his arms on my on the upper back and just pushed down and just fucked me up i think he fucked me up worse of course the sound that you made i was in the kitchen it hurts so bad like someone died yeah because it like i'm like i had to run in i'm in actual it was like a run in what's what's that scream sound not like a i'm in pain right now and with clinton portis who is a big dude pressing down that he rearranged my ribs for sure yeah and not in a good way um so yeah my fire fest is that i have a rib injury from pug playing three-on-three basketball happens happens yep um okay my fire fest is so i'm a little bit of a creature of a hat of habit uh tuesday night i went to sleep not early but whatever regular time after max and everything uh wednesday i woke up and i have this one podcast that i love to listen to every wednesday morning it's called pardon my take and i went to my phone phone to see if it was up. It comes out on Wednesday morning.
It comes out on Wednesdays, every Monday, Wednesday, Friday for seven plus years. And I went to look for it and it wasn't there.
What happened? Nothing. I actually did not do an episode.
This is ghost big cat. I killed myself on spot.
Oh, yeah. No.
Yeah. It was so confusing.
It cost us a listener. These guys literally do the show every single show every single Monday Wednesday Friday they've been the most consistent part of my life every single morning they're in my phone they're there for me it's the trust relationship that's been built up years over years over years I know they're working late just so that they can record a show and I can wake up and listen to it.
And then everything changed.

It wasn't there.

And my trust is completely gone.

And I don't know if I'll ever listen to it again.

That's a really bad thing that happened to you.

Yeah.

That's like fire fest of the century.

Yeah.

Why do you think they didn't get it up?

I don't know.

I have no idea.

Because my understanding is if you're publishing a podcast,

you edit the show and then the show's done. And then you have a button that you press to upload the show to the world.
But what happens if you forget to press a button? Well, I guess the show wouldn't go up then. Yeah.
So maybe someone was broken. Yeah.
Yeah. Maybe there's an emergency.
I hope not. Well, okay.
You know what? So these guys that I listen to call part of my take they do uh put in a lot of hours and they sometimes record really really late so it could have been a situation where the producers it was like so late that the podcast didn't come out till later um so yeah they could have been just recording really late that i've heard of that podcast part of my take and one thing that's great about great about it, because you know they've got some funny guys that are always around jumping in when their teams are good or bad sometimes, but they never forget what their job is, and that's to press the button. Are you sure we're talking about the same podcast? Can we just do it? Can we just get to this? This has been the longest intro in the history of fucking intros.
Max, we'll wait for your fire fest, bro.

Yeah.

I'm doing mine.

Okay.

So yeah, they must have recorded late, but then I saw one of the guys, Big Cat said they recorded at 4 p.m.

So that's like-

How long does it take?

Does it take-

That's like eight hours to press the button.

Sometimes it can take 12 hours to press the button.

Yeah.

So I still don't know what happened. I don't have an answer for it and i'm i'm never gonna listen to him again probably listen to like bill simmons or you know pat mcfee one of the all it takes one day of not being there for the people then maybe they became daddy gang yeah father cooper got a couple new followers all right that's our show max yeah it was a good show.
So is it going to go out? What was your Fyre Fest, Max? I was the one who did not press the publish button. You? Of your favorite podcast.
Yes. How could you? You the guy that everyone loves? No.
No. So what happened, Max? Well, to be fair to Max, when he was planning ahead, he probably thought the Phillies were going to be in the World Series that night.
So he didn't have it scheduled. He's like, we'll probably clinch.
We'll probably sweep. Yeah.
Yeah. We finished the show early.
I finished doing my work early. For people who don't know, there's a whole process of putting in the back end you gotta i know i know about it all the grass don't make this sound the process what's the process of sticking in the back end well you put in the back end and then you have to upload the description never ask is it and then you have to put in the time stamps and then you have to go in and you have to input where the ads are and i did then you got to reach after it's in the back end you have to go in, and then you have to input where the ads are.
And I did.

Then you got to reach.

After it's in the back end, you got to reach around and just press the button.

No, I did.

You got to make sure you got to pull it out of the back end, too.

I don't know what happened.

Don't go into the front end after it's in the back end, though.

I get infection.

I just, I did every step.

Well, no, no, no, no, no.

Except for the step that lets everybody listen to the show. And what I normally do, I normally do it late at night, and I put it out, and then it takes a little...
Once you press publish, it takes probably 15, 20 minutes before it actually gets out to the platforms. so normally what I what I do is I press publish it takes like probably 15 20 minutes before it actually gets out to the platforms so normally what i what i do is i press publish and then i keep and then i keep looking and i keep keep refreshing keep refreshing and then i look on i look on apple i'm like all right it's up i'll do the tweet now from the main account being all right podcast is live finish the show early didn't didn't do the whole refresh thing because i wait no you never hit the button no yeah this is this is really sad yeah no the like that's i'm just explaining it out but you did the tweet but you didn't press the button so i forgot to do the tweet so i it was one of those things where i went to bed wait no no you forgot to press the well i forgot to press the button i thought i pressed the button but i went to bed and it was one of those things where it's like half i was not bad i was falling i was falling asleep and then i was like oh fuck i forgot to do the tweet okay so the tweet is not yeah would you rather have a tweet or no the most important i said i forgot to do the most important part, not the tweet.
I forgot to publish the button. You woke up and you're like, damn, I forgot to tweet it.
No, I didn't wake up. I was in bed and then I thought to myself, I was like, oh, fuck, I forgot.
To tweet it, but never was like, oh, fuck. But then I didn't.
What I normally do is check to make sure it's up. It was so long i just i just did it and i and i that was like the first time that i haven't checked to make sure it wasn't on apple and the first time that i've ever thought that i pressed publish and didn't press publish how so it was a double whammy of first times i've ever done that and can you because you can walk me through the next morning can you walk me through like eight hours later yeah how to feel next morning super bad did you wake up did you wake up to an alarm i woke up to i woke up to an alarm at 8 30 because so that was already two hours after we had because i woke up at 6 30 and saw that it wasn't up wrong you called me at you called me at 6 58 Yeah.
So I woke up at 630, saw that it wasn't up. Wrong.
You called me at 6.58. Yeah.
So I woke up at 6.30, saw that it wasn't up. Okay.
Went and brushed my teeth. Was like, oh, maybe it's still loading or I'm missing it or something.
And then I realized, no, this is a problem. Yep.
Called you. No pickup.
No pickup. Called memes.
Memes is the king. What would we have done? It would have just gone up an hour later it was yeah that's why it's player of the week memes is player of the week I saw the call I was like oh fuck but it had to have felt like a little bit good that it was my fuck up and not yours it was just what do you mean it's not on and then he looked and he goes oh didn't press the button.
Like memes went on, saw in the back end that everything else that needed to be done was done. I just ate just the button.
Should we get the button? Should we get access to the button in case this happens again? You have access to the button. I can hit the button.
I can hit the button. Yeah, I think you have that.
No chance. You could give me an hour.
I would never be able to figure out where the button is. No, no, no.
But I could? Hypothetically, you could. I could figure out how to get the button.
Do we need to put you guys on? Should there be a buddy system for the button? In theory. No.
This will never happen. Oh, this will never happen again? This will never happen again.
Wait, you were about to say the chances of it happening again. The chances that it happened once a fucking well high not high well yeah it happened but it that doesn't mean that going into it that the chances were high i mean it was better than one percent how many of these how many how long you've been how many episodes like 70 no less than one percent well you've done 70 episodes 52 52 weeks in a year over a year three episodes a week yeah less than one percent so how many have you done he's probably done he's been here for a year he's probably done a half 210 episodes yeah so half oh yeah three times 52 i'm doing my math wrong half a percent it's more than zero no i didn't say zero i said it was low.
All right, so what are we going to do to make sure this never happens again? I have a system so that this shouldn't happen. I have the system.
The system broke. The system is broken.
The system broke, but the system will not break again. And what happens if it's done? That's what they said in Chernobyl.
My system is that I check. Before I do this, I don't know why.
I will never tweet the tweet without seeing it's up on Apple and Spotify. I think that's the simple system.
I don't think the system works. No, that is how the system works.
We need a process. That is the process and the system.
I broke my system. But that is my system.
Yeah. And that.
So the system's not going to fail, but you might fail your system. I think I found a flaw in the system.
Like, it's crazy that all the... Like, I have never done the tweet without making sure it's up on Apple, and I've never not posted the show thinking that I posted the show.
I've never murdered a person. It was this one time.
Yeah. Am I a murderer?

On 99.9% of the nights, OJ Simpson went to sleep.

He did not commit a crime.

You don't know that.

That's not true.

He went to jail for something else.

Yeah, 99.9%.

He's been on Earth a long time.

He went to jail for stealing his whole memorabilia.

Yeah, that's not really a crime.

Did he go to jail for it?

He was emancipating his Heisman.

Did he go to jail for it?

Crime.

Yeah, but that's a whole other penalty. All right, fact or fiction for Max.
Factor fiction Max, when you had a soul patch, you actually were a thousand percent. You did not miss hitting the button ever.
That's a fact. Because I think I found the flaw in the system.
He literally would maybe quit before he gets a soul you never you never miss publishing the podcast when you had a soul okay like all right here's here's here's a fair deal ready max if this ever happens again you have to have a soul patch for two straight years that is a great carrot right in front of you and you can't quit to you can't quit i you can't quit i i if you forget to hit the button ever again it's soul patch for two straight years question yes sometimes there's problems with the back end i can understand that yes yes if there's questions with the back end you'd be like hey guys there's quite there's yeah you'll let us know like yeah you'd let us know like hey it's not there's the publishing we know what normal like sometimes oh like amazon music or google play doesn't have it we get that this was just very clearly the button wasn't pushed. If you don't push the button, it's soul patch for two years, and you can't quit.
This isn't really a negotiation, by the way. We could also give him a deal, which is a soul patch until a Philadelphia team wins a four-major sport.
So it could be way shorter than two years. No, because I want to give him, I want to make sure, I don't really want to punish Max.
Max does a great job. I don't want to punish Max severely right now.
I want to put in an extra system on top of his system that incentivizes him to never break his original system. We're talking about Max 2.0.
The Max 2.0, if we hit that point, Max 1.0 will cease to exist. So Max 1.0 has to make sure that Max 1.0 stays alive by hitting the goddamn button.
Deal. Yeah, I think that's fair.
There's no way Max will not hit the button if he has to have a soul patch for two years. And he can't quit is a very part of big part of the stipulation because I think actually with the soul patch for two years, you might try to quit.
I wouldn't let you. I wouldn't let you.
He also you have to shave it like every day. He also could keep it clean.
Shave it every day could quit, though. No, he can't quit.
He legally can't. What happens if I just said he can't quit? What happens? We'll offer him so much money that he'd be an insane person to quit.
Would it be worth like, Max, if we paid you like five hundred thousand dollars a year, but you have to have a soul patch. Would you do it? Oh, maybe we just get the soul patch for just some cash.
I don't know. That's what it sounds like to me.
Max, I think it is fair. Yeah, no, this is fair.
What I tell you, when you texted me, you were very apologetic.

It won't happen again.

And I said, I understand.

And obviously, this part of it is like it happened.

Part of the reason why it's okay, or it's not okay,

but us giving you shit means that you're not actually in trouble.

And I said to you right away on Wednesday morning, I was like, it's okay if it ever happens again it's a problem yeah no because i think that is fair like one mistake everyone gets a mistake if it ever happens again then we have soul patch city yes and now i'm rooting for it to never get pushed i would be willing to trade one episode worth of downloads for max with a soul patch for two years. I am now like...
It would be the happiest day of my life if I wake up and they're like, where's the podcast? It is this exact situation. Yeah.
It's not pushing the button. Not pushing the publish button.
Correct. Okay.
And not saying anything. I also would like to see...
You can't wake up with no... The podcast isn't there and you haven't alerted us as to why.
Right, right. I also do want to do one of Big Tone's ideas.
I think next week... I don't know what the schedule is, but I would like a Celtics minute from you.
Okay, that's fine. On every episode next week.
I like that. Talking about...
On every episode? Yeah, next week. But you have to talk about how good they are.
Yeah, you have to say how good they are. Trust me, I can get in the Celtics mode.
Yeah, that's true. Max is very funny when he goes.
We've seen Celtics mode. I actually love that character of yours.
All right, I think it's fair. Yeah.
You're not in trouble, but big trouble's on the horizon. No, yeah, that would.
That, yes, yes. I mean, it'll never happen again, so it's not a problem.
But if it did. But if it did, that would ruin my life.
My girlfriend would probably break up with me. My family wouldn't want, I wouldn't get invited to any weddings.
I wouldn't be in any wedding pictures. That would ruin, I mean, that would legitimately, I would go into, I think I would legitimately go into like a depression.

No pictures would be taken of you ever.

You'd make us laugh.

The one thing that it might do, it would probably force me into sick shape.

Yeah.

Yeah. But probably not.

No, no, no.

It would.

If I, it would.

Because the soul patch isn't the biggest.

It is.

It's your neck.

It may as well be a clean shaven face. It's the.
Yeah. All right.
So hopefully we never get to that point. And I'm sorry to all the listeners that Max didn't push the button.
You want to say sorry to my friend Brian, Max? I'm sorry, Brian. You ruined his honeymoon.
I woke up. Like, I just started calling memes and just, like, talking.
I called him twice, and I was just like I just I just need you to talk to me. Why did you think that the hammer was going to come down harder? Well, it wasn't even that like I even when I got your response, I knew that like it was more so like I just I don't like fucking up.
Yeah, no, I know. That's why that's why I did.
I did not. If I if you were a guy who like fucks up all the time and fucking fuck ups were part of your like M.O., I would treat it very differently.
you're not. If you were a guy who fucks up all the time

and fuck-ups were part of your MO,

I would treat it very differently.

You're not.

You actually are very, very...

I trust you so much.

And now we just have a soul patch

just looming over our heads at all times.

Just got to press the button.

He called me.

I was at the gym.

Oh, sick breath.

I think we just sat on time. The first thing memes has said in all week.
I was at the gym and uh oh sick brad i think we just sat on the first thing memes is said all week i was at the gym and we just sat in silence for like two minutes memes yes look at i want to see you real quick stand up okay if the button doesn't get pressed uh you have to shave your head for a year. Okay? I like it.

So now you guys are in it together.

All right.

You're in it together.

Memes, was there like a small part of you that was like,

yeah, Max fucked up.

Nope.

Because I was dealing with the problem at...

No, but you were saving the day.

Some people were saying...

Some people were saying memes might have drugged Max

because the YouTube views probably went crazy because the YouTube was up. Sabotage the button.
It was up. But like my neighbors know all your names now.
I was motherfucking everybody. Yeah.
No, I deserve that. Shout out memes.
Yeah. Shout out memes.
Player of the week. Player of the week.
Player of the week. And shout out me for being up.
Yeah. Yeah.
Shout out you. Shout out you.
For being up. For being up.
But yeah. Okay.
I think this is a fair way to deal with it. No immediate punishment.
I'm sorry that I brought you into this memes. I'm not a.
Well, no. This is the protocol is better this way when you have a buddy system.
Memes will not let this happen either. Right? Shaves head for two years.
Some job Okay. No, me.
No, no, no. No, no.
If the button doesn't get pushed, you lose your job. No, no.
I'm fucking with you. All right.
How about a 10-year no shit? Yes, I have no hair. I want him in this.
Okay. So two years.
No, no hair for memes and soul patch for max. The button will get pushed.
We let everyone know the button will always get pushed from here on out. Are you a little nervous for tonight? No, tonight.
I mean, you're going to jam that button. I mean, I'd be a little nervous.
Forever is a long time. What if someone knocks you out with a frying pan like like yeah what yeah what if there's like wiley coyote comes and just knocks you out with a frying what if there's like a what if i get into like a car accident or something well we can talk about that you should actually maybe get like a button in your in like a life alert i'm thinking that's the podcast button so if you like are about to die you can still publish the podcast or if i woke up and realized that it wasn't published just go get into a car accident all right what if you what if in the middle of the night you sleepwalk into the other room and you accidentally unpress unpush the button oh no that's that could have happened that could have you can unpush it no i you can move it to drafts.
There's a second button? No, you can publish it, and then you can move it to drafts. It was saved to drafts when I woke up.
So Hank, could I move it to drafts? I'm going to just take a picture of every time. That activity is tracked.
I would not fuck with it. I want the podcast out.
This is all just a... We have a system.
The podcast will be out. I think that might be my new system.
I think I'm going to take a video of myself pressing the button every time. Send you a group chat.
No, just to have the data. Just so I have the data in case.
I like that. I like that.
All right. Five years of soap action.
Either way, we love you, Max.

It's one fuck up.

Don't beat yourself up.

You know, and you knew that we were going to bust your balls.

Yeah, no.

That means that it's not any real fuck up.

We would not have busted your balls.

We would have been like, you're in actual trouble.

Yeah.

Busting balls is a fast way back.

Okay.

Numbers.

Great show, boys.

Eight.

Twenty. Seventeen.
That's a good number. show, boys.
Eight. Twenty.

Seventeen.

That's a good number.

Thirty-one.

Three.

Thirty-one for Hank.

Hank, have you ever gotten this?

Evan, 22.

Shane, 10.

Have you almost come close to got it?

What's your number,ank 31 what's yours i took eight memes you're three max is 20 shane 10 evan 22 77 he thought it was 17 for a second.

77.

Love you guys.

All right, see you on Monday.

I love that this lottery ball machine is now dominating Hank.

So quickly. So quickly.

But Hank was so mad at the lottery machine that time.

I'm talking away.

I don't know what to say.

I'm saying it anyway.

Today's on my date to find you shining away. I'm coming for your love of three.
Shining away. I'm coming for your love of three.
Thank you. Take off me.
Take on me.