Comedian Sam Morril, NFL Week 5 Picks And Preview, The Bears Finally Win A Game, Marlins Man Calls In Plus Jimbo's

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
On today's Pardon My Take, we have comedian Sam Murrell on the show in studio. Very funny interview.
Great, great comedian. You should go see him on tour.
He changed his whole flight to come in to hang out with us. So AWL and recurring guest.

We have Thursday Night Football, Bears Commanders. We got a lot to talk about there.
Tattoo Bet. Week 5 picks and preview.
And I'll just say this right now. I'm putting on a must-listen for a call we had with Marlins, man.

It is a must-listen.

Probably when we were doing the stream earlier tonight,

the guys around us asked for the third most shocking thing that he said,

and we told them, and they're like, what the fuck?

There's two more shocking things?

What was the third most shocking thing?

I think it was...

Teaser. It's a teaser.

Yeah, it's a teaser.

It's a teaser.

I think it was when he said that we we we everyone thought we hate women um yeah yeah the whole country thought we hate women uh so uh and then we have fire fest to end the whole thing before we get to all of that there's making a sandwich and then there's crafting a sandwich and when i want something perfectly crafted i go I go straight to Boar's Head. For over a century, Boar's Head has been dedicated to crafting premium deli favorites.
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Boy! Boy! Now in the street there is violence And then a lot of work to be done No place to hang out or wash in And then I can't blame all on the sun oh no we're gonna rock down to electric avenue and then we'll take it higher oh we're gonna rock down to electric it's part of my take presented by Barstool Sports. Welcome to part of my take today Today is Friday, October 6th.

And the three best words in sports.

Four best words.

The Bears are back.

The Bears are back.

The Bears have won.

Ron Rivera just kicked another field goal.

The Bears have won.

He loves field goals.

That guy loves field goals.

We should never ever call him Riverboat Ron again. After this game and the game against the eagles he's he's lost riverboat ron he's no longer riverboat ron so pft you were at the game uh i'd love to get your thoughts on what the vibe was like uh first of all rip dick buckus all-time football guy he passed away this afternoon uh the bears i don't know if if the strategy of having Bears legends die and then getting that to galvanize the team is a sustainable strategy, but it felt like it worked tonight.
And RIP Dick Buck is seriously like a legend of legends when it comes to the football world. But the Chicago Bears lost 14 straight games.
They headed into Thursday night football, and they shit-pumped the Commanders. I don't like the smile on your face.
I don't like the way that the entire intro is going. I don't like the way the entire intro is going.
Bo, bo, bo, the Bears, oh, the Bears are back. You buried them.
You buried the Bears. I did, yeah.
Four weeks in a row. They're done, they're done, they're done.
Oh, the Bears are back, the Bears are back. It was a bad first half.
There's no game planning against, like you said, Dick Buck is passing away. As much as that was an emotional factor, I'm sure, for some of the Bears, it probably affected Ron Rivera, too.
I'm sure Ron Rivera was super close with Dick Buck. He played on the Bears.
He's been very close in Chicago. He is a Chicago guy in terms of his football career, at least his playing career.
I'm sure he was sad going into the game but yeah the first half was bad it was as bad it was that was chicken shit football all across the board for the commanders and there was no getting out of that hole plus it's helpful that you have dj more uh maybe get him the ball more often because yeah he is unstoppable oh worry about your own team worry about your own he was so good i i am he. I am.
He was so good. Emmanuel Forbes, our rookie first-round pick,

who has played – he played pretty well until A.J. Brown, like,

snatched his soul.

But Emmanuel Forbes got benched,

and then the people that we put in for Forbes couldn't guard him either.

So it was a bad night.

After the first half, we had a little comeback in the second half.

We were feeling good.

I changed my jersey.

The vibes changed in the stadium.

It looked like we were coming back. And then all the momentum got sucked right out of the stadium with that field goal.
With Joey Sly. So, all right.
So, I'm not allowed to change my opinion. So, let me ask you this.
PFT, still thinking Soupy? No, I'm thinking Justin Fields is a good quarterback. I was right about that.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. I was right.
Credit to me for not wavering on that take. Yeah, very wavering.
Yeah, I mean, Justin Fields was phenomenal. He's been phenomenal.
600 yards, eight touchdowns, and one interception the last two games. I think I'm back in love.
And I know that, like, listen, he was bad to start the season. The Packers game was bad.
The Bucs game was bad. The Chiefs game was bad.
The last two games have been great. And I got to give credit to Luke Getzey the offensive coordinator he actually called a great game plan you know what actually works when you have Justin Fields having designed runs I don't know you probably you notice this PFT but like I think it was probably six or seven drives started with a Justin Fields run yeah just to be like hey we have this weapon you now have to defend us differently not all of them worked but just doing that changed how the bears looked and how they were able to attack the commander's defense uh which i the defense of the commanders the defensive line is just as good as the eagles they had some good moments site it wasn't about the defensive line this game was about we We ran the ball pretty well.
It was about DJ Moore. And so we actually beat you with a fullback at the end.
Yeah, I know. That was twisting the knife.
DJ Moore probably should have had 280 yards, but they said he was out of bounds. We didn't get a replay in the stadium, so I still haven't seen that play.
Was he out of bounds? Because he looked mad. They didn't show a replay on TV, so he was not out of bounds.

There's no way he was out of bounds if they don't show a single replay.

They showed a replay, but it was the far angle.

They never showed a replay of his feet being out of bounds.

Yeah, he would have. I think we should do the math on it, but I think he would have had like 270 yards,

280 yards receiving if they didn't call him out of bounds on that one.

He would have had what, four touchdowns? How many did he have, two or three? Three touchdowns. Three, so he would have had four and like 280 yards receiving if if they didn't call him out of bounds on that one he would have what four four touchdowns how many do you have two or three three touchdowns three so he would have had four and like 280 yards so he was he was electric he was and you're right about justin field so the thing i noticed about justin fields when you're up close watching him in person and not like watching the tv angles after the design runs even the ones that don't work he is so confident after them he loves them he loves doing it and then when they ask him to pass the ball after he's feeling good about himself he's a way better passer because he's confident he's not overthinking things so it changes his entire mindset this is what we're saying like justin field should run the ball more frequently it sucks that he you know he's going to get hit yeah but that's the nature of football but he's a big dude he can dole out some punishment he was running into people and he's bouncing right up and it makes the whole run game work because obviously we lost all of our running backs tonight but khalil herbert when he was running was phenomenal he was ripping off big runs left and right all right i'm gonna come back down to reality i had to do that because i was i was very excited it's it's good listen i'll come back down to reality i don't think the bears are all the way back they're still one and four they're still bad team.
But it's just nice to win one. 14 games started to weigh on me a little bit, like where it was like this feels like Iberflus is about to get fired, all this stuff.
It's nice to win one. Justin Fields deserves a win.
He's been playing his ass off the last two games. It's nice to win one.
I did look at the schedule coming up, and I've convinced myself they could potentially go four and one in the next five but I'm gonna save that for another day because I know there's still some big problems I also know Justin Fields is not he's I'm falling back in love like it was it was basically like we had like a two-week breakup where I was like you know what let's get different places and and I started to sign a lease and I was like ah fuck I really miss this guy so I think I'm all the way back in love but I know it's one game I know it's one game it was one game I'm not gonna get so crazy it was one game but it was a fun game it was good to win one and the Bears almost tried to blow it because the offense was not that great in the second half and if Joey Sly makes a field goal I actually think this pft you could tell me if i'm wrong you could tell me on vibes in the stadium i think if joey sly makes that field goal to make it 30 23 the bears probably lose that game because all the pressure goes back on them vibes in the stadium that's exactly what it was saying like if that was like a 46 yarder yep and from where memes and i were sitting we were on the sidelines and uh everybody in our section thought it was good and so we started to celebrate and then we're like oh shit no he's he's waving his arms the wrong way that's the wrong way to wave the arms and so we just looked around at you everybody was like that went in right we we collectively had uh like was it like collective delusion for about 15 seconds where we're like that was that was the wrong call that field goal went in yeah so we couldn't tell that bummer. But yeah, the way that we're moving the ball and Sam Howell, I heard some people calling him Sammy Soso.
That's mean. Don't call him Sammy Soso.
Oh, that is mean. Yeah.
Oh, dude. He had some runs that were insane.
They were like, how is he doing this? And how is he getting just like tossed to the ground and just getting back up? He's a tough motherfucker. And he had some dimes too.
I actually, like, I was surprised by the commanders. It did feel like the commanders came out in the first half.
They're like, the Bears suck. We'll win this game.
No problem. Because it made no sense.
Like, the Bears have no secondary right now. Their defensive line actually showed up for the first time all year, which was nice.
It felt like the defense was playing with which I haven't seen for four weeks like guys flying around but I don't know why the commanders weren't just trying to to take deep shots all night they did miss a couple in the first half but once once Sam Howell was throwing a deep like we were getting gashed yeah BNME doesn't like to call the deep shots unless it's like right around midfield. If we get a first down on first down, we're going deep.

That's kind of his style.

And then everything else is intermediate or screens, things like that.

But, yeah, I agree.

I think we should have gone deep way earlier.

Like throw the ball up there for Terry.

See what Terry can do and draw a pass interference if he doesn't catch it.

But I want to just go back.

The real story tonight, you know, we don't really care about this football game.

Tonight was bigger than sports.

It was Dick Buckus.

We should first and foremost think about that.

When you think of football, Dick Buckus is one of the first names you think of

just because you just think of the old footage of him

just looking three times the size of everyone else,

just clotheslining people, just fucking smashing people.

He was football. He was football.
So I was talking with a bunch of staff from the commanders here after the game they were great they we i got to meet josh harris shook his hand great handshake oh uh fantastic handshake by the way cool guy jacket he was wearing a cool guy jacket he was i also noticed not wearing anything that said the word commanders on it again good thing good thing you seven thousand dollars worth of commander's gear yeah it is well i gave i gave like 20 000 of it away met the people i had part of my cheesesteak tonight the mediums sold out in record time i gave away me and memes tossed out probably like 30 medium uh pullovers fleeces button-ups in about two minutes so it was was like 300 left. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
But it was cool. So the commanders were, they were great hosts tonight.
I was talking to some of the people from the staff after the game. They were asking me what my tattoo is going to be.
And we were just tossing around ideas and the idea of just getting lips on my ass, on my ass cheek for butt kiss. Ooh, nice.
That one sounds like it it could work i'm also thinking maybe just take it back old school barbed wire tattoo a tribal tattoo or lacquer if only there was a tattoo you've talked about getting since the beginning of this show sleeves a plaid half sleeve yeah i'm also thinking about the plaid half sleeve still pft i'm gonna say this right now that's i mean that's that's the one of the best ideas you've ever had you always talk about it you talk about that i've got a lot of great ideas uh pft i spent all day planning out what my tattoo was gonna be that i might just get one with you i might just be a good soldier and get one with you because i literally was just like looking at at images all day being like what is my tattoo gonna be because i just i didn Bears were going to be able to. I thought they were a dead team.
And someone behind you looking in. Oh, hey.
Hello. Oh, hey.
Oh, should he be here? She's saying, is this guy? We got some AWLs coming. Yeah.
And get her on the pod. Get her on the pod.
Yeah. Get her on the pod.
Yeah. What were your thoughts on the game tonight? Well, I'm shocked that you're here.

How did you guys get in here?

Oh, nice.

How did you get in there?

Yeah, yeah.

That's all I need to know.

Okay.

Yeah.

All right.

Personal friends of Josh Harris.

No big deal.

All right.

Wait.

So before we talk to you.

Shut the fuck up, Hank.

I just want to do one last thing.

Were people doing that around the stadium?

I don't think you've been to a game since.

I was.

Were other people? Yeah. Yeah.
There were. It's all the rage.
Like beer? I think it's just so weird that in the stadium, everybody pretends that something that's sticking straight up in the air is super cool, Hank. Yeah, very original.
Got you there. I mean, I think that's what you should get for the tattoo.
All right, wait. So before we do the tattoo PFT, I just like last thing.
Like where? Because I want to. I was a little.
I'm a little. Oh, you should get for the tattoo uh all right wait so before we do the tattoo pft i just like last thing like where because i i want to i i was a little uh i'm a little i i oh you should get soup you should get soup the the win had me a little delusional there for a minute i've come back down to earth i'm just grumpy okay you're grumpy i'm happy slash i know that the bears i still need justin fields to put together a lot of these um but I'm very excited that he's back in my life I feel I I understand completely like Justin Fields is fun to watch when he's doing that stuff right I get it I get it entirely I'm just I'm upset because I thought this was when I haven't been back here in like 13 years and then I was all pumped up for this game and thinking about it for a year ever since the last Thursday night game who could.
Who could forget? And, yeah, now I'm just bummed out. And I'm going to have to get a tattoo.
Who do you guys have next week? I have not even brought myself to look at the schedule. Oh, Falcons.
Falcons and Giants. Yeah.
But this is going to be a win that we'll look back on and wish that we had at the end of the year. We're going to be like, remember the Thursday night game against the Bears when they hadn't won a game in a calendar year and we lost because we came out and didn't do shit in the first half i'm gonna i'm gonna think about that one for sure but also you can't really do that with games where you get lose by 20.
yeah it's true but it's the bucket game like we came out there was there was no energy at all on the team in the first half it was just a bummer that whole first half was a bummer bummer. And then I booed.
I booed at halftime. Sorry, Evan Neal.
I pay these guys' salary, kind of. Well, they pay my salary, too, because we do a sports podcast.
So I found myself in a real pickle here. But I booed Ron Rivera's clock management at the end of the first half, which was bizarre.
Yes. Where he doesn't use his timeouts until the last drive that we start on our own 25 yard line and we've got like i don't know 20 seconds left and then he he calls a bizarre series of plays that culminates in like a pass across the middle that gets us to like the 50 yard line yeah and gets us tackled there it made it made absolutely no sense so i actually don't think that ron rivera understands how time works that's the only explanation i come up with and going for the field goal when you had like fourth and three or whatever it was uh no that's the field goal that i'm upset about the joey sly one i can live and die with like you miss a 46 yarder that shit happens but the field goal on fourth and three yeah that made no sense whatsoever i want somebody to look up the stats and the.
What percentage win probability did that gain us kicking a field goal there as opposed to if we had missed it? Because I would imagine missing a field goal is probably only like 3% less than making that field goal. Yeah, you're down 13.
Why would you kick a field goal? It makes no sense. No, it was just – no, we weren't.
We were down – Oh, you were down – I think we were down 16 at the time. Oh, yeah, 16 at the time oh yeah yeah that's right because you yeah you're down 16 and then you got the the touchdown with out the two-point version either way i i'll say this uh it was fun for the bears to win i don't like playing you pft because i love you and you know it's you know it's it's not fun doing bad blood between us yeah i mean i'm not upset i'm not i'm not actually mad that you're happy i'm happy that you're happy thank you i just i wish our first i'm i'm i'm happy that you're happy and i'm sad that i'm sad here's what i'll say i wish the bears first win in almost a calendar year had come against any other team well what a good friend i am your last two wins are against the patriots and the commanders do we play the play the Eagles? Best in the office.
Beat that ass.

I know you play the Dolphins.

I think the Dolphins play everybody on part of my take this year.

No, we don't play the Dolphins.

Yeah, it's sick and twisted that I went through the Bears' next five games.

Vikings, Raiders, Chargers, Saints, Panthers.

And I was like, that could be 4-1.

That's fucked up because I know that's not.

But I'm going to just have one night where I'm like,

could the Bears be 5-5 in mid-November?

Oh, we got someone else.

I'll see through right now. So the plaid half sleeve, the lips, and then the barbed wire and the tribal armband.
Those are the four that I'm thinking'm thinking of right now but i'm willing to entertain any better ideas i think a bowl of soup could be like pretty uh understated but cool i think if you got leroy if you got leroy that's like that always plays no one can say shit about leroy yeah um that that could be good yeah maybe yeah maybe just his face or maybe even like a minimalist Leroy where it's like his muzzle. Yeah.
Or his paw print. Yeah.
I've got one of his paw prints. Paw prints work for sure.
That would be cool. Marlon's man.
Stop. Stop.
Hank, enough with your troll shit. Hank's on his troll shit right now.
Oh, he's big time troll shit. Hank, improve your posture.
Well, you bet the Bears money line. Okay, I'm going to go Matt Patricia on you.
Sit up when you're talking to me, Hank. You look like you're melting into that chair.
He's very happy. He bet the Bears money line.
I mean, the second Dickie B died, it was a lot. He had to.
He had to. Yeah, agreed.
So, Jake, you'll like this. We ran into Al Michaels tonight.
I saw that tweet. What was that interaction like? So I was waiting to meet Josh, and I was sitting in the owner's suite area.
And we get up there. We sit down, and the first person that walks past us is Al Michaels.
He's the only person besides us in the room with one of the security guards that was bringing him up there. And he walks right past us.
And Memes, as he was walking past us, Memes points right in his face and goes, that's Al Michaels. I was like, come on, Memes.
Be cool. Be cool.
And then Herbstreet walked by a second later, and he was like, that's all michaels i was like come on memes be cool be cool and then herb street walked by a second later he was like that's herb street uh so shout out herbie he says what's up to all the awls he says what's up to all you guys say anything about my my problem with his plane tweet he no he did not say that i'll take it up with him when we have him on again he kept that to himself and then me and memes were sitting in these chairs and a bunch of kids walk in and they're all wearing like nationals gear watching nationals gear and then we hear them start to scream and we're like what's going on i turn over my shoulder magic johnson walks out oh magic johnson was just standing right next to me getting pictures with every one of these kids magic johnson's the nicest person in the world oh duh he's magic he's literally magic It's that's like one person that I was completely starstruck by. It was Magic Johnson.

I could see that for sure. Memes also did some weird video work where he was just so close to you.
I don't know what was happening. He was zooming all the way in on you.
Yeah, Memes likes to get a nice tight shot there. He was in the seat directly next to me.
Did he tell you he was doing that?

One of the ones that looked like you didn't know he was recording you

and just looked over and discussed

and then happened to see the camera after the fact.

Oh, I never knew when Memes was recording or when he wasn't.

It was just a complete surprise.

I would turn around and he'd have the camera like right in my face.

Oh, PFT, last thing.

We talk about this in Firefest.

Yeah, all right.

We talk about this in Firefest, but the thought crossed your mind,

and I know because it crossed mine.

When Joey Sly was about to kick that field goal to make it 30-23,

we were in tie zone.

Yes.

So you can ask memes with 10 minutes left in the fourth quarter. 10 minutes left.
I looked at him. I go, you know, Ty's not off the table.
I was thinking it's him. Ty could happen.
I was like, oh, my God. What have we done? What have we done? That thought definitely was a big factor.
Also, memes booed a veteran tonight. Oh, no.
So in between quarters, they bring a veteran out. Memes is an indoor, you can't bring me anywhere service memes booed the veteran.
I looked at him. I was like, what are you doing? Memes is like, it's a black rifle coffee ad.
Oh, all right. Yeah, he's like, I'm a soul blue guy.
There we go. Means one God.
Yes. All right.
What was your last tattoo? Oh, since you'll never actually own one you could get an el camino tattooed on your body oh that was mean i'm gonna buy an el camino just to spite you that was mean i'm gonna light it on fire that was mean that's not a bad idea that'd be a cool tattoo you're excited what are you gonna get a pft wouldn't that be i think i have to do it pretty soon, right? Dr. Fish would be a cool tattoo.
Yeah, it would be a cool tattoo. Yeah, you got...
Okay. We'll get...
Yeah, we'll go make a video of it. PMTV, if you get a tattoo.
What if you get it not to... I mean, you're not doing the punishment, but we're going to have nothing else going on during the 24-hour stream.
Oh, you want me to fill up hours of your block of solo content? Well, for the viewers like what don't make your problem my problem no i'm just trying to kill two birds with one stone that's a good i will get a tattoo if there's if there's a chicago-based tattoo artist that's good please refer them to me um and any other ideas that you have i'm sure people are tweeting me tattoo ideas non-stop right now so i haven't really checked twitter much after the game but um yeah i'll get i'll get the tattoo soon i would like to get it and i might get one with you for halloween what about leroi leroi playing the guitar i oh that'd be never did that dogs can't play guitar they don't have a thumbs i i uh like i said pft i spent all day planning my tattoo that i might just i might just get. I might just have a neck tattoo.
What about an open tear? And if you can ever beat the Bears, you can close it. A teardrop on my eye? Yeah.
Is that stolen valor for murderers, though? That's true. That's true.
All right. Other things.
We got to talk about baseball real quick. More like the mild card.
That's a good one, Frank. Yeah, Frank.
Actually, I saw that and I laughed. I retweeted it right away.
He's right. Yes, he's absolutely right.
All sweeps. Yeah, all sweeps.
I was telling Max this earlier today. I'll say it for the whole audience to hear, but even though I'm a Nationals fan, they're a division rival, I really like the Phillies.
They're so much fun to watch dude and they're the big gnats they've got they've got all our old players we're like you know we're the farm system for the phillies so very easy to root for awesome environment it's fun to watch the phillies and postseason baseball it's it's also just shwerber i'll root for shwerber wherever he goes like i fucking love that dude so goddamn much he is the best like him. Did you see the video of him? They were trying to get him to a keg stand and it was like Schwarber.
It like hit in his head that he wasn't at an Indiana frat. And he's like, wait, I shouldn't do a keg stand, but he wanted to so badly.
He's the absolute best. Yeah.
And that, listen, toughest place to play. The bank is Hank hater.
Hank hater. Hank has been going crazy into saying, oh, everyone stood up for a home run.
Never see that anywhere else. No, listen, I have no issue with Philadelphia fans.
I love the passion. I do have an issue with our producer, Max, saying there's nowhere else like it in sports.
Professional sports, I said. It doesn't matter.
Stand by it. I mean, I'm not the only one who's been saying it no that's not like again the clip it's a great clip they're definitely the most passionate fans probably left in the in the current playoffs but like they're it's not saying there's nowhere else like it in professional sports it's just lie.
That's my quote. This is Hater Hank.

Yeah, this is Hater Hank.

It is like the talk of baseball right now is the Phillies crowd.

It is electric.

It is electric.

No, it's electric.

Hater Hank.

That's not Hater Hank.

Oh, no, no, no.

You're being Hater Hank.

Like that video of the crowd singing Bryson Stott's walk-up song

as he walks to the plate and then five seconds later hitting a grand slam

is like one of the coolest sports videos of the year.

Yeah, for sure.

I'll see you next time. crowd singing Bryson Stott's walk-up song as he walks to the plate and then five seconds later hitting a grand slam is like one of the coolest sports videos of the year.
Yeah, for sure, of the year. Like everyone has a walk-up song.
You never hear the entire team just like. That's not true, though.
That's where it's like you're losing me. Fans sing along to songs.
That's not like. No.
Yes. In Europe? Yes.
In Europe? No.

I've been to Red Sox games where they do that. Well, they do like the...

Sweet Caroline.

Sweet Caroline.

No, but like...

A song that Neil Diamond wrote about a 13-year-old girl.

Max, what about your fucking...

What about your boy, Shane Victorino?

When he was on the Red Sox World Series team, everyone sung his song and he walked up.

True.

Like, that's my point.

I'm not trying to be a hater, Hank.

I'm just saying it's not like it happens. Hater, Hank.
H Hank. That's fine.
This is hate. Let the hate out.
You know what? I like hater Hank. No, we need a hater.
Yeah, we do. He plays it well.
I mean, but I'm not the only one saying it. Who else is saying it? SVP? What did he say? Well, he had SVP his first question.
I don't know if it was his first question. First question of the clip, and it was the only question of the clip.
He asked, what's different about Citizens Bank Park? And Jeff Passon said, it's an SEC football crowd in a baseball stadium. Right.
In your face. I'm not saying that.
I'm just like. Well, he didn't say which SEC school.
It could be a Vandy school. It could be a Vandy.
Like Cubs fans, if they were in the playoffs, they're just as passionate. You know, we definitely sang all those songs when they did the walk-offs.
Yankees, Division Rivals. Definitely not the Yankees.
If the Yankees are in the fucking playoffs, like, those fans go nuts. Red Sox fans go nuts.
Phillies fans go nuts. It costs, like, five bucks to go to a Yankees game.
Not if they're in the playoffs. Not in the playoffs.
Okay, but regardless, it costs five. It's Rocky in October if they make it.
No, no. Max just said it costs $5 to go to a Yankees playoff game.
I didn't say playoff game. I said it costs five bucks to go to a Yankees game, which it does.
Even the A's do. The A's have trombones and shit.
They're not even a like a real team anymore. The A's? The A's when they're...
We're talking about... When the A's are in the playoffs.
We're now talking about the... We could look at what just happened.
We just saw... The race couldn't even get a quarter of the stadium filled.
We're not talking about the bad teams. We're talking about the good teams.
And there's a lot of them. You the A's When the A's are in the playoffs It's nuts Fact or fiction That's a fact That is all I'm saying Is like Max saying There's nowhere else I get sports It's like I'm not the only one saying it though Hey That is just like Let's get fucking Jared Karabas on here That's the only thing he says And he talks about talks about the Red Sox.
And he says that the Philly stadium is different. It is a good environment.
I think what we've discovered here is postseason baseball crowds are just cool. Yeah.
But the Phillies is the best. Not the Rays.
I would actually say the Mariners probably is even better. Fuck off.
I need to turn my mic down. I think the Orioles are going to give the Phillies a run for their money.
Those fans are hungry. Agreed.
Agreed. Orioles is going to be popping.
I got a video of them singing along to a song. So shout out to Dan Heron and the Diamondbacks.
You're such a fucking cock. Shout out to Dan Heron and the Diamondbacks.
Shout out to the Twins. Go beat the Astros, please.
I got the hiccups. Who else? Go Twins.
That's number one. Oh, the Rangers.
And the Orioles. Yeah.
And the Dodgers. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And the Rangers beat the Rays. And the Rays were pathetic.
That was so pathetic. The crowd was so pathetic.
We need O's Phillies. O's Phillies would be awesome.
Oh, that'd be great. What's the highway that connects Philadelphia and Baltimore? 416.
No idea. 95? Probably 95? Probably 95.
95 connects everything. Yeah.
All right, so Max, last question. Are you worried about the Braves and Bloopy? The Braves are really good, obviously.
For everyone who wants to take some notes for some playoff baseball, here's the official scouting report. The Braves are really good.
Braves are really good. What's their home environment like? Not as good as the Phillies.
Strider is scared to go to Philly? Strider is definitely scared to go to Philly. Just win one on the road.
The Phillies have the best winning percentage at home at Citizens Bank Park in the MLB. That's just a fact.
They've won more games at Citizens Bank Park than any other team this year. No, their winning percentage at home in the playoffs is the best in the MLB.
That's a fact. Because it'd be 2-0.
No, of all time.'s every playoff game at citizens bank park at least 20 games played phillies have the best home winning percentage you guys ever been no hit there i'm i'm i'm saying a fact all right philly i got so well so was big cat and i got so much shit for reminding you that on the last episode too like you gotta take the good with bad it was with the bad. It was awfully quiet at the bank that night.
Yeah. The bank wasn't able to do it that night.
The Phillies have the best home winning percentage in baseball since the bank has opened. Really? What was the question? I just forgot that stat.
I didn't forget it, but I just needed to make sure that was said. Okay.
Oh, the Braves. Yeah, Braves are really good, but they were really good last year, and we fucking spanked them last year.
And I think that we're better this year than we were last year. I'm still worried about our starting pitching, but our bats, our lineup is just so fucking good.
I mean, but so is theirs. I think Philly's Braves is the best.
Philly's Braves will probably be the best series. I was just talking to himself.
The Phillies Braves will probably be the best series of the entire playoffs. Max, when they start to do the chop in Atlanta, you're going to be like, oh, this is a pretty good environment.
No, the chop is such a piece of shit. Oh, getting a little liberal over here.
Do you think it's offensive? Yep. Okay, nice.
Way to stand on it. Way to stand on it.
Yeah, bloopers is going to gonna be annoying and i'm not creative enough to go back at him so i'm gonna have to the thing about bloopers you can't beat a mascot because he's a mascot you just gotta hope the braves lose and then you just dance on his grave yeah he's what you have to do max can i give you some advice yep you gotta lean heavy on shane and his photoshop game for this one you gotta have a bunch of really embarrassing blooper photoshops because you don't want to get into a war of words with a mascot. They don't they don't speak.
So all their good thoughts just come out and tweet for him. You have to have you have to have Shane whip up some seriously fucked up photoshops like blooper on Epstein's jet.
That type of shit. Has he said anything to you yet, Max? Yeah, he said I said, give me blooper.
And he said, I don't think you need me. You need a salad.
Yeah. He's going to play dirty.
Yeah. But my goal is to just say that he's Little Brother mascot.
He just wants to be the Philly fanatic. Yes, that's good.
So if memes could start thinking of some memes about him being little brother. Maybe a little you small.

Small you.

What is it?

Little you small?

Oh, PFT.

Did you see the song?

I forget that.

PFT, did you see the song?

Oh, also PFT.

No, I haven't.

We'll use that as an outro in the group chat.

PFT, that's also good.

Yeah, good thing.

It's a banger.

Good thing you weren't here

because there were a couple times

where the Bears big boyed the commanders.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yes, I'm aware.

I watched the game.

Yeah, I just wanted to say.

Big boy football.

It was big boy football a couple times.

Also, Jonathan Allen kind of big boyed Justin Fields at one time when he body slammed him.

That was cool.

Oh, he got concussed.

Justin Fields got concussed.

He got, that was right on the top of his head.

How much does Justin Fields weigh?

Like 240 pounds?

Like 230.

Yeah.

Jonathan Allen's strong.

Strong man.

He's so strong.

Okay.

Anything else?

We should kick it to ourselves.

We've got, like I said, must listen tag on Marlon's band's call in the middle of the

picks and preview segment. And then an unbelievable interview with Sam Morrell.
So yeah, let's kick it to ourselves. Okay, time for our weekend preview.
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Okay, boys, week five. The bye weeks are here.
The bye weeks are here. We have finally, finally, the NFL has given us an appropriate slate where we have a London game, six one o'clock, 12 o'clock games, and then four afternoon games.
So it's perfect. We have every TV active.
It's going to be great. Maybe not some of the best matchups, but the best matchup is Sunday night.
So it's perfect we have every tv active it's gonna be great maybe not some of the best matchups but the best matchup is sunday night so it's it's crazy because at first glance we're like awesome we have football all day which kicks ass but then also it's like kind of shitty once the london games start happening because you have no time to be a real human being at all on sunday you can't so it's very important on sundays to at least do one activity that makes you feel like you're not an asshole go outside walk outside take the dog out one time uh help out around the house do a chore do your taxes if you got the extension Hank but in this case it's like you are just back to back to back to back football you have no time to do anything which no time I love I love it but also just let me pretend to be a human being for like give me a an hour and a half window yeah i take my kids to the diner every sunday morning and i uh last week i we just you know well it goes pretty quick but i just had to watch some of the game on my phone that's you know you got to make sacrifices a little bit you do yeah yeah uh all right so london game first game and then we'll get to the uh the the the early slate jaguars at bills London game. Jag jaguars are this is fucked up that the bills lost the home game huh yeah i didn't think about that but they do something different i think they might they might get that home game back there's some sort of scheduling quirk where they're like well if you if you miss out on this one we'll give you something extra i forget what it is okay all right either way that's is fucked up.
Although I did see the mayor of Buffalo has put in. This is so Buffalo.
Everyone, you know, politics hot button these days. Government hot button these days.
The mayor of Buffalo was like, I've made sure that it is allowed for bars to serve beer at 8 a.m. Okay, that's good.
So all bars are able to be open. That was like that.
Buffalo might be the where politics actually work because they care about the important things. Can Bill's fans get drunk for the London game? They're serving the people up there.
Right. Well, they know which side their bread's buttered on.
It's not like you're going to get votes if you shut down the bars. I'm excited to see Bill's Mafia over in London.
Yes. See how they're going to slam back a bunch of 52-degree beers.
Do you think the Duval people have just stayed?

Probably.

I'm sure that there are some people from Jacksonville that have just made like

probably moved to London.

That's my favorite thing about sports is the vacations around sports.

You see it a lot with bowl games where college fan bases would be like,

yeah, I'll go to Tampa, Florida for five days around this bowl game.

That's true sports fandom where it's like, yeah, I guess I do need i do need a family vacation oh well let's just work it into my real life my sports team that does kind of rock though that they get two games over there so you can do an entire week yeah jacksonville fans would probably go out west hang out with the pikeys from snatch yep go to some bare knuckle that's basically jacksonville birmingham see thomas shelby yeah west england is very similar it's just just Jacksonville with fog. Yes, yes.
So this game, I like the Bills in this game. I have to say this stat every single week because it is incredible every time it keeps growing.
Josh Allen has 59 wins, and 45 of them are by seven points or more. It's pretty fucking insane.
Cam Robinson is going to, I think, going to be back. He's eligible to be back.
I don't know if he made the trip. I think that obviously will help the Jaguars' offensive line a lot.
And the only other note I had in this game, we talked about the Lunder. Jake hit his Lunder.
Tottenham over is 5-1. So when they play on that field, it's 5-1 to the over.
The Lover. The Lover.
We got the big Lover this week. Jake gonna take the lunder i know he is i know he is von miller might be back too so actually he might be so i my my my theory is that he's gonna say like i want to play i want to play and that the bills won't let him play but he is eligible to play this week he's returned to limited practice yeah he says he wants to practice this week so there's a chance i put it at like's going to play.
But if he plays, he'll probably make an impact. He's really fucking good.
I just searched him. He said, I feel like riding a bike, an old bike.
Oh, while he's over there? No, while he's getting back into like shape, playing shape. Okay.
He feels like he's riding a bike, an old bike. Oh, but he's like, it's riding a bike.
Like once you learn to ride a bike, you never forget forget but it might be an old bike where like the chain keeps falling off the giant front wheel bikes yeah that the newsies it's a little bit the front wheel's a little bit flat but you can't figure out where the hole is so it's just slowly leaking air yeah uh i i'd have a travel note on this game okay sean mcdermott so i love it when teams go overseas because they all think that they can figure out a way to outsmart Father Time and outsmart jet lag. And we've all been there.
When you're planning a trip over to Europe, you're like, okay, here's the plan. Here's how to do it.
Sean McDermott's plan was that the Bills flew through the night on Wednesday night to get there. Sorry, they're flying through the night tonight on Thursday night.
So it'll be yesterday if you're listening to my words right now. So they went overnight, tried to get sleep on the plane.
Then they're going to stay up all day on Friday, go to bed on Friday night at the regular time, even though it's going to be like five hours early. I did this exact move going over to Donnie's wedding.
I don't like this. And as good of an idea as it sounds like on paper, you think you've got the diagram out there.
You're looking at the hours that you're going to spend on a plane. You're thinking, oh, I'll get a full night's sleep, a solid eight hours on the plane.
My friend, you are not going to get eight hours of sleep on a plane. And then they're going to try to stay up through it.
I don't like this. I'm not confident with the bill of sleep plan.
Because speaking for myself, on Sunday, when I was coming back from Donnie's wedding, I was very gassy. So I think that was about time zones.
Von Miller might be gassy. He likes to fart in meetings.
So there are probably going to be some very, very stinky sidelines for the Bills. If I were a coach of an NFL team and we had a London game, I would leave right after the game on Sunday.
Yeah, get there as early as possible. go just be like don't even go home pack your bags let's go right away pack two suits just just deal with like the first because like monday tuesday will suck but then you'll be normal and you'll feel good that would be my plan my plan my plan would be i would get a team of doctors with dubious ethics and i'd have them just give everybody on the team an IV with anesthesia in it.
Yeah. Just knock them like medically put them into a coma for nine hours on the flight and then wake them up when it's morning time over there and then boom your body thinks that it's morning.
I would go one further I would knock them out I would have everyone go home have them go to bed knock them out go to bed and then go and carry their bodies onto the plane kidnap them yeah so that way you wake up and then you carry their bodies off the plane into a bed so they go to sleep in buffalo and they wake up in their beds in london yeah and i would put i would put like uh film or like the uh the game plan in headphones that they'd have to listen to while they're in a coma so they memorize the play calls they memorize the strategy going into the game it's like reading the game. It's like reading on a book.
It's like sleeping on a book. Yeah, yeah.
You get smarter. It's osmosis.
Nerd nugget. Yeah, this is the Josh Allen Bowl.
So linebacker Josh Allen recorded his 200th tackle as a Jaguar last week. He's tied for first in the NFL with six sacks and holds the record for most sacks through four games in franchise history.
Are you a little under the weather, Jake? I don't think so. Have you been hanging out around dogs? Allergies? Yeah.
You have? Yeah, I gave Blake a treat yesterday. Oh.
Oh, that's right. Yeah.
Blake got you sick. Are you? Yeah, because you sound like you're a little under the weather.
It's just because it's early. It is early.
Yeah, I'm fine. You sure? Powering through, yeah.
Okay. I'm fine.
I'm nervous about you. I don't want you to get sick.
Me either. Okay.
It is the Josh Allen Bowl, though. Yeah.
That's always fun when Josh Allen sacks Josh Allen. Hopefully it doesn't happen that often.
I am rooting for the Bills. I'm probably going to bet the Bills in this game.
Okay. Next game.
Starting the noon slate. Not great games at noon, but I think we're going to have a fun witching hour.'m predicting a fun witching hour Ravens and Steelers is probably the best game on paper just because I don't know if you heard this PFT but these two teams don't like each other you can throw out the record books when these teams get together that's a fact no love lost between the Ravens and the Steelers we're going to hear all those from the announcers it's going to be great I love hearing it I love hearing it every year twice a year uh i have a fun stat here did you know that roquan smith is not actually a raven oh really he's not a raven because he said last year you're not a raven until you beat the steelers oh and they asked him again about he's like yeah i would really like to be a raven next week so i'm not a raven yet okay so this is where roquan smith's chance to become a rave his wings.
This game, this is one of those times where you have to just pretend that you didn't watch the Steelers look horrible against the Texans. You pretend that you haven't seen the Steelers' offense struggle all year and the Ravens have looked good and just be like, this is just Ravens-Steelers.
This is Tomlin Harbaugh. Take the underdog no matter what.
It sucks. Because is Kenny even – Jerry said Kenny was playing, but it might be – He told the media he's going to be ready to go by Sunday.
So Jerry did have it first. He said he had it first on Monday that Kenny is playing in this game.
He was going to say that no matter what. Yeah, he was going to say that no matter what.
The underdog over the last 20 years in this game is 28-12-3 against the spread, tomlin versus john harbaugh the underdog is 22 5 and 3 it's just take the underdog every time yeah i love that's all it is i love that the points really don't matter being in being a favorite it just serves to give bulletin board material to the other team because like both teams are amped up for this game regardless and then when they know that they're an underdog that team's got the edge now and it's such a tomlin spot where like they came out flat we all knew they were going to come out flat against the texans their favorites after a big sunday night win now they're back home underdogs against the ravens have looked like shit there's no real reason you would want to bet the steelers in this game except for the fact that steelers ravens you just have to we need to go back and look at tomlin's record in games before they play the Ravens if they look like dog shit more often than not maybe Mike Tomlin is purposely tanking those games just to get amped up for Ravens Steelers just to get just to become an underdog so he can be like no one believes in us yeah just to be just to beat your division rival I like that I wouldn't put it past old Mike on that one no I wouldn't either uh I think that at this game, it's being played in Pittsburgh at Akersher Stadium. Akersher, yeah.
For this game, it should always be Heinz Field. Yeah.
It's Heinz Field for Ravens. Yes.
Don't tell me it's Akersher. Yes.
And it should also always be nighttime or late afternoon, and it should be like 40 degrees. And people should be getting hit, and you should be being like like oh that hurt yeah real bad somebody there needs to be at least two ejections in this game i actually have an idea for the ravens i don't know if it's possible to do they just they signed trace willing to their practice squad you know trace willing everybody knows trace of course um you probably remember him because he got into a fucking knockdown fight with george pickens when pickens was at georgia Swilling was at Georgia Tech.
They hate each other. I mean, George Pickens probably hates everyone.
But he especially hates Trey Swilling. They need to put Trey Swilling up on the game day roster just to get into a fight and get Pickens kicked out of the game.
I like that. That's the strategy.
I like that. Just have him go after him.
Yeah. Nerd nugget for this game.
First off, remember when these teams played on Wednesday afternoon? Yes. That was crazy.
That was crazy. That was wild.
Was that Thursday night football on a Wednesday afternoon? I love that. I think it was Sunday night football on a Wednesday afternoon.
Yeah, it might have been. I love that shit when it's Thursday night football on a Saturday night or however they mix up the days.
It's the best. Yeah.
18 of the last 30 games between these two teams have been decided by three or fewer points including both last year no division rivalry has more than 11 decided by a field goal or less wow wow 15 years wow okay uh next up giants dolphins giants look like trash dolphins came back to earth the big story here, is the Evan Neal controversy, the notes app that Evan Neal had to release. And I have to play some audio because Don LaGreca, who's a host in New York City, had one of the funniest, you know, we pay your salaries rant of all time.
So I'm going to play it for you. It is very, very funny.
So here's Don LaGreca on Evan Neal.

Evan Neal, he sets the table, but Evan Neal basically was like,

all these fans, they're just making hot dogs, flipping burgers.

I don't care about them.

Okay, here it is.

Hold on.

Tackle Evan Neal looked up towards the stands, raised his arms,

and gestured sarcastically.

He said he did not flip off fans, but he did yell a clear message to them.

They are booing us, so I said, boo louder,

Neil told NJ Advanced Media on Wednesday.

Why would a lion concern himself with the opinion of a sheep, he added.

The person that's commenting on my performance, what does he do?

Flip hot dogs and hamburgers somewhere?

Are you kidding me?

I'd cut his ass.

I would.

How dare you? These people pay your salary? They pay an obnoxious amount of money to park an obnoxious amount of money for psls to sit there and watch this pap and you call them hamburger flippers what you're so much better i'd rather have a guy that's flipping hamburgers block than your piece of garbage ass who the hell are you to talk to fans like that you piece of garbage i hate what players do that you're not above us what because you happen to play a sport you're better than me you're better than the people that pay your salary these giant fans were here before you and they'll be here after your sorry ass is cut what a piece of human trash and i don't want to hear some apology i don't want to hear oh i was, I was taken out of contact. I didn't mean it.
I don't want to hear, done, done. I would cut his fat ass.
If you see him in the mall of Willowbrook, boo his ass. If you see him on the DMV, boo him.
Don't stop booing him. If he goes to the Pro Bowl, boo him.
If he wins a Super Bowl, boo his sorry ass. Screw that guy.

We're not nobody.

Flipping.

How do you condescend to people that pay to watch you play?

Poorly, I might add.

Right tackle.

So good.

If you see him on the TFV, boo his ass. Oh, that's so good.

If you see him at the Willowbrook Mall, boo his ass.

I would cut his garbage ass.

His fat ass. His fat ass.
Where do you get off just because you play a sport you're not better than anybody so good i also love that you could also make the argument that uh that the giants pay don la greca's salary because that's like where most of his most of his listenership comes yeah and also the giants being bad like evan neal is great for don la greca's job exactly bad great for him. Yeah, it's like as much as we joke around and make fun of Taylor Swift, at the end of the day, she's giving us stuff to talk about.
Yeah, that's true. It keeps the world going.
It's the Deion Sanders one. It's like love him or hate him, but he gets the people going.
But yeah, that was such an all-time. He was so upset and so offended, which I agree with him.
When players are like, oh, they don't have a right to boo or you know no we have a right to boo yeah we can boo what do you mean we can't boo yeah you can boo that's that's half the reason why we go to games sometimes yeah we boo you have to you have to be able to to exercise your right your first amendment right to let guys know that you're paying money to watch them be a fat ass yeah it'd be like having a dog and never letting your dog go to the park or run around. Fans have to boo.
We need to be able to boo. Otherwise, that energy gets pent up and you see fights in the stands.
Well, sometimes instead of booing, what you can do is you can give them a standing ovation. That's true.
And amp them up and get the boys going. And sarcastically make them turn the season around.
That's what they should do for Evan Neal. Take a page out of Philly's book.
Yes, but yeah, the all-time rant. Evan Neal then released the Notes app apology, which there's just never been a good Notes app apology ever.
You can't. It just doesn't work.
Oh, I like this one because it was in dark mode. Yeah, it was in dark mode.
Which I enjoyed. It was a nice change of pace.
Yeah, so that's going on. The Giants look terrible.
I love the over in this game just because I don't know if the Giants – the Giants have played really good defenses, by the way. So they've played Dallas.
They played the Cardinals. They played the 49ers.
And then obviously the Seahawks aren't a great defense, but the Seahawks were able to do whatever they wanted with them. The Dolphins are a little bit of a step down in defense.
And then the Dolphins' offense I think is a bounce-back game. I think this is where Mike McDaniel is like, fuck everyone who said that we can't win these big games, even though this isn't a big game.
I think it's a bounce back game for the Dolphins. So McDaniel said it's a get right game.
Yeah. He said, get right or you're going to get learned a lesson.
Which, it's not really him saying it's a get right game outright, but it's in his mind. Like, this is an opportunity for the Dolphins to get a little bit of their confidence back which is why i like the giants a lot in this game um anytime yeah if a team stinks in a primetime game in front of a national audience and they stunk like the giants you know what evan neal should have done he should have he should have booed the fans back yeah you can do that you can get into a boo off yeah instead of going to the hamburgers hot dogs line insulting somebody and being like you're beneath me your job doesn't mean anything which i'm sure evan neil like look at his body type he he probably has uh paid a lot of salaries for a hot dog and hamburger flippers fat ass course of his life yeah he could be like no i pay your salary because i eat so much of your fast food yeah but the appropriate garbage the appropriate response is just to boo back just get into a boo off with each other yeah everyone can other.
Everyone can boo and it's fine. Yeah, everyone will feel better if you just get a nice boo against each other.
But as much ass as the Giants looked like on Monday night, that's exactly when you have to bet on a team. It stinks.
You have to just hold your nose and you have to bet on a team like that. What's the weather in Miami? Because this is also where we're still in that early part of the season where they put the opposing team in the sun and then you get the oxygen mass and the 86 and scattered showers okay you get the random reports during the game like this guy's out with a cramp this guy's battling dehydration I also love some cool fun story about how the coach made everyone like eat a banana before and you know you know drink salt in their water just try to keep the dehydration they've got pickle juice on the sidelines i i love the battling giant thermometers too they have it's like a piano bar in in miami when they have these like really hot games where they'll show the giant thermometer on one sideline and then the giant thermometer on the other sideline right and be like it's so much cooler over here yes yes uh okay so nerd nugget giants have faced the dolphins just 10 times their fewest games against any opponent in existence at the 1970 merger they're seven and three against them and four and one on the road that's a fun stat that's a fun nerd nugget yeah because giants dolphins there's another game this weekend i think the texans and the falcons i don't recall those teams ever playing each other it was like in the super bowl two years ago.
One of the Bengals and Rams ever played each other before that. Yeah.
Never. Bengals and Giants, too.
Seahawks, Jaguars. Never have.
They don't play. They do not play.
I know that technically speaking, they have to play every four years, but they actually don't. No one pays it.
Have the Cardinals ever played the Jets? No. I don't think they have ever played.
No. There's some fun games, yeah.
You can throw out there. You're like, no, I don't think those teams have ever played.
Texans, Seahawks, Texans 49ers have never played. Yeah, yeah.
The D'Amico Bowl. Okay, so next game.
Hank, Saints-Patriots, Matthew Judon and Christian Gonzalez out. Very difficult for the Patriots' defense.
Those are probably the two best defenders on the Patriots. Did you see, Hank, before we get into the Raiders' side of it, sorry, the Saints' side of it, did you see that we got a report from an AWL named Matthew who went to the Neponset River.
No, I didn't see. Okay, we have.
Why is Jake smiling? We have an extreme report from this guy. Extreme report.
I can just tell from Jake's face is this propaganda. They know.
Jake just gave it away. Hank, Hank, wait.
Jake's a little shit eating grin. They did the most serious investigative journalism that I've ever seen.
They got into the river. They got into the creeks.
They literally got in the water. They went to the top of the lighthouse, took pictures.
We have overhead maps detailing the line of sight. Look at that, Hank.
So they went in from the actual river. You cannot see the lighthouse.
They were then able to find a stream, a runoff stream, which is probably not a federally funded body of water. It's not.
It not it's connected than it is no it's not you guys don't understand water they were able to see it from the runoff stream uh but it's not visible from water behind uh in the actual in the ponset river and then they went up to the lighthouse uh and were able to look at everything this is i mean it's a it's a pretty good report you can't see shit well actually why wasn't i included why put this out like oh we saw this you're looking at your fucking email oh why would you why weren't we included in the report that you put together and also i presented it you oh no you weren't on this email oh yeah okay the definitive mouth of the river is an imposit reservoir hank mentioned this as part of the headwaters system of the river unfortunately for hank the center of the lake is 1.2 miles from the lighthouse. What's more, the lighthouse is obstructed by the stadium itself and surrounding shopping complex and a mile of foliage and neighborhoods.
The lighthouse would have to be a skyscraper to be visible from here. The same applies to all the bodies of water south of Gillette Stadium.
And yes, we checked all of them. Man Pond, the behind Bass Pro Shops and various points along the street and stuff these guys did some of the best investigative research we've ever seen PFT uh well I'd say that this guy is standing in the parking lot in a stream that's in the parking lot which is not the Naponset River I asked if I could use his name huh yeah he no we didn't we didn't ask him to send this he sent this to us on his own really good job by him like i'm very impressed with the links that they went to here yeah here's here's another part north of the stadium however allows for somebody to actually see the lighthouse from outside the complex depending on your vantage point we found the furthest indicator of a wide river not just a stream on google maps at its very thinnest is behind the parking lot of curry leaf indian restaurant along route one the water itself here is accessible after some bushwalk whacking so they probably had to they had to really find the water we managed to get into the water and look south southwest towards the stadium unfortunately for hank the stadium is completely obstructed by the foliage between here and the lighthouse if there was no foliage it is still unlikely the structure would be visible.
We felt safe crossing the section of the river off the list. It should be noted we had full intentions to drop a kayak onto those bodies of water, but heaving a kayak over a chain-link fence into the water that was waist-deep water at its deepest proved to be more trouble than it would have been worth.
Simply put, there's not a navigable bodies of water by any kind of boat, the exception being the reservoir. It's all Martian swamp.
But the reservoir, you can't see the lighthouse from. You can't see the lighthouse from the reservoir.
They literally went into the reservoir. Hank, look at this, okay? So this is the water right here behind Curry Leaf, all right? So this is where it would be considered potentially navigable, where you could have maybe a canoe or a kayak lighthouse not visible from water behind curry leaf and there he is in the water he's up to his waist in water you can clearly see and he's pointing at the lack of a lighthouse so i would say hank that this is pretty ironclad conclusive evidence that your fucked up lighthouse sucks dick that's not true uh it's good evidence those kids did a good job yeah really good job uh did you update your phone background i saw they this kid so shout out matt gave and his uh friend dan matt and dan did the the research that we needed the real research boots on the water to present evidence uh yeah correct you know that's That's one report, but it's obviously a little bit biased.
Why is it biased? This is just facts. They're AWLs.
Why would they send it to YouTube? They're clearly Big Cat and PFT sheep. No, Jake's on there as well.
Yeah, I mean, whatever. What do you mean, whatever? There's no discovery.
You're not entitled to see this. They wanted to present an unbiased review, they would have sent it to all of us.
The fact that they sent it to you two makes me think that they went into it with one solution in mind, and that was to make you guys happy so you would talk about them on your podcast. I'm going to have to do my own independent, you know, again, they did a good job, but find some more renderings.
I think it's one of those things like similar to like the Trevor Bauer thing. Like maybe they're just oh okay they're purposely leaving out evidence so are you trevor bauer in this case yes okay got it got it just want to make sure got it they are purposely leaving out evidence that they had in order to make the story sound better i don't know what evidence what other evidence they could have evidence of the white house from one of those fucking cranberry bogs also um i would also like to point out that the Neponset Reservoir is different from the Neponset River.
That's true. And that is a key difference, Hank, because the Neponset Reservoir is what's closest to the lighthouse, and you still can't see it from the reservoir.
But your whole point was that you could potentially. That's not the river.
That's not the Neponset River, and you know that. So you misled the court.
No, that was a mistake that I realized after the fact that i was hoping no one's gonna bring out yeah so you did mislead the court so thank you to matt and dan great work uh your check is in the mail uh and also yeah shout out to shout out to the patriots for trying to get in on on the uh the clout associated with the lighthouse by saying here's a nice lock screen if anybody wants to put this fake lighthouse. Do you have it?

Not yet.

Oh, so you don't even recognize it.

You don't even like it.

You even tweeted that you're all set.

You were like, I'm doing it.

You don't even know it's a thing.

Hank, you're not about that light.

Yeah, you have a real thing that's a marine thing.

Marine thing.

A marine thing.

All respect to actual marine stuff.

Marine things and stuff. I love whales.
Heretofore. Yeah.
Okay. This game.
Hank, must win? Sure. Okay.
I have a fun fact for Daniel Jones. Or sorry, Mac Jones.
Mac Jones is 10-20 and one against the spread versus everyone except Zach Wilson. He's 5-0 against the spread against Zach Wilson.
That's pretty good. That's pretty good.
He's just eating off Zach Wilson. I also did a little deep dive last night.
We don't give Dennis Allen enough credit for being one of the worst coaches of all time. Oh, I do all the time.
Yeah, he is. I went through it.
He is the seventh worst coach of all time in the Super Bowl era. So Hugh Jackson was 11-44.
Steve Spagnuolo was 11-41. Gus Bradley was 14-48 with the Jaguars.
Dave Shula was 19-52 with the Bengals in the 90s. Pretty cool that Don Shula had like two fail sons.
That's a good hit. Yeah, the Bowdens too.
Yeah, the the Bowdens uh Pat Shermer I completely memory hold the Pat Shermer coached both for the the Giants and the Browns he was 19 and 46 and then Dave McGinnis in uh 2000 coach for the Cardinals for three years at 17 and 40 Dennis Allen is also 17 and 40 so he's the sixth worst coach of all time we need to put more respect on Dennis Allen's name and it's not that he's just bad he's boring yeah like what he did with the Raiders okay it's the Raiders shit happens with the Saints you had a fun team a fun offense at least say what you want about Sean Payton he like he would roll the dice the Saints were always great to watch on TV he's made the Saints boring he's made the Saints unwatchable which I because I love New Orleans. I like the Dome used to be a great place to watch a football game.
Now it's like you see the Saints in a matchup and you're like, oh, gross. Yeah.
I don't want to watch this. Right.
So Dennis Allen, let's put some more respect on this guy's name for being a terrible, terrible head coach. Yeah.
I've got an interesting note on this game. So I've started, I love the maps that they put out on like Wednesday where they show the tv coverage and who gets what game yeah 506 across the country the 506 and usually every week there's like one map that they show where it's like why is this city tuning into this game why are we forcing this game on that city the patriots and the saints um it's really going to be raven stealers for almost all the country except for New England and then NFC

South Towns but Fresno California is being they're forcing this game on Fresno California I want to know why Fresno all the AWO's in Fresno I'm sorry that you have to watch this game but but why Derek Carr that makes sense Fresno State that makes sense that has to be why yeah right okay That would make sense.

It has to be why.

Yeah.

So if, yep.

Okay.

Mystery solved.

Yep.

That was good.

Look at that.

We saw. That makes sense.
Fresno State. That makes sense.
That has to be why. Yeah.
Right? Okay, that would make sense. It has to be why.
Yeah, so if, yep. Okay, mystery solved.
Yep. Look at that.
We solve mysteries on this show. We actually solve two here because of the lighthouse.
Don't the Patriots have a quarterback that went to Fresno too, right? Who's their backups? No, Bailey Zappi went to Western Kentucky. No, there's Malik.
to Louisville. No, the other guy.
The other other guy. Yeah.
The guy that got PEDs. Are you talking? Greer? No.
No, Will Greer went to Florida. Are you talking about? I think you're no, you're he's on.
I think he's on the Rams. I know who you're talking about.
Fuck, he was really, really good. He was really, really good.
Jake Hayner. Hayner? Jake Hayner's who you're talking about.
Is he not on the Patriots? I think Jake Hayner. I think he actually might be on the Saints.
He's on the Saints. He is on the Saints.
So there we go. Double Fresno State.
Double Fresno State game. Double Fresno State.
There you go. You get Hayner and you get Derek Carr.
Yes. All right.
Mystery solved. Okay.
Nerd nugget for this game. Patriots rookie punter Bryce Berenger is leading the NFL with 11 punts inside the 20.
He's on pace to finish the year with 47 inside the 20. That would be the second in NFL history.
Wow. That's pretty cool.
Yeah. Good punters.
That's a sign of a good foundation. I mean, if our fucking stats are a punting stat,'s just depressing.
You know you're a terrible franchise when you go out there and all you have to do is support your punter. If you're hypothetically wearing your punter's uniform right now on a podcast because you're so amped up for something.
You're so down. I'm wearing a Tressway jersey as we speak.
Hank, you're so down that you can't even get up for this game? You go two and three, season back on. Is it? Would it be? We have no defense.
Our defense is done. Well, it's not just your defense.
It's neither one of these teams has scored 20 points this year. Derek Carr looks so bad.
Looks so bad. The over-under is 40 and a half when neither team has scored 20.
Give me Jameis versus Zappi, and I would be all the way up. Yes, I agree with you i would be i would be locked in excited ready to go what about this jones versus derrick car how about malik willis versus jay caner i'd watch that game yeah turn around the franchise you got jc jackson back huge massive massive it's like that how did the chargers let him go it's the uh the the videos that always go viral where it's cold play fix you and it's all sad that's the start of the season and then it gets happy lights will guide you home it's just a close-up of jc jackson yeah you got this go get paid somewhere else and then you still suck get cut and we'll take you back there you go yeah it's pretty good system uh by the way marlon's man's about to board his flight, so we're going to call him real quick and just get –

he feels like he's being unjustly criticized by Barstool Sports. Marlinsman.
How you doing? What's up? So you're on PMT right now. We wanted to give you a chance to defend yourself.
There was a blog written by one of our colleagues that called you a fraud, and you texted me and Hank and said, I defended Barstool back in 2016 slash 17 when all we would talk about was

hamper. One of our colleagues that called you a fraud and you texted me and Hank and said, I defended Barstool back in 2016 slash 17 when all we would talk about was Hample, Gorilla, suck your dick, suck my dick.
And you basically saved us in that time frame. So we want to give you a platform to defend yourself.
Absolutely. Fire away.
OK, so why are you mad? Okay, so I basically felt you guys were going to be, and I thought you would be specifically, the Howard Stern of sports. When I first met you guys, I loved what you were doing.
I felt you were swimming upstream. Everybody's telling you you're doing it the wrong way.
You don't conform. And you were doing what you felt you wanted to do the right way and sure enough everybody turned around and started following you and i remember when i went around the country i was always getting abused why would those guys they're racist and they're bigots they're only white guys saying saturday is for the boys they hate girls they demean girls um they talk about sucking dicks blah blah i said no you don't understand.
They they're visionary they're great you're gonna see ESPN once told me we don't write about fans we don't want to write about you it was a bunch of crap I went to every single Sunday night game the whole year it didn't even mention me and you guys are about the fans yes facts someone's got to take a selfie. I got you.
Play it up. All right.
There you go. Nice.
Thanks, player. There you go.
There you go. There you go.
See you later. Oh, that's right.
Did we just get a shout out? Did the guy say he was listening to a part of my take? Yes. Oh, love it.
That's the Marlins man effect. So what I did was, since I thought we might be by video, I'm an idiot right now.
I put on my Marlins jersey advisory at the airport, and everybody's been swamped. Oh, no.
Now people can recognize you? You don't want the attention. No, I don't like attention at all, right? Right.
All right. So Marlins man so, so, Marlon's man,

the Geordie who blogged it,

he wrote the blog.

We, you know, we're a big company.

I don't stand with what he's saying,

but he has a right to voice his opinion.

I don't think you're a fraud.

He's going to take you to a rule,

which you guys didn't follow.

The rule is,

before you publish an article,

you always contact the other guy

for his opinion.

And normally they say no comment or something.

He didn't even call me

or ask me why.

That's true.

Bad journalism.

That's true.

Thank you. That's true.
Bad journalism.

That's true. That's true.
Yeah. Have you ever seen anything like it? He's a guest of honor.
And I love Philadelphia.

So he doesn't even know that.

But that's okay because obviously now I know it wasn't you when he's younger.

I'm not so pissed.

He needs to be spanked.

Is Eric, is that? And I love Philadelphia. So he doesn't even know that.
But that's okay because obviously not even it wasn't you when he's younger.

I'm not so pissed.

He needs to be spanked.

Is PFT there too?

Yeah, PFT's there.

Hey, Marlon's man.

How's it going?

I'm going to switch a little bit.

You know why I like PFT?

He asked me a question and I've asked everybody.

Does PFT remember the first question he ever asked me?

I don't.

He told me around the phone about Zach Campbell.

I don't.

Was it, will you suck my dick?

No. We'll get to that in a minute.
It it was who's the most famous person in your phone yeah yeah i thought about it i said that's a great question god damn it uh my mom and he said i love that guy i didn't like him before i love that guy my mom's the right answer that's always right now wait so you like wait so you like pft because of the question he asked you that you liked your answer that's right got it okay got it got it exactly yeah here's my question now pft and you have interviewed some of the most famous people in sports i love it i listen to your show all the time i'm gonna ask pft right now who is the most famous person in your phone uh Tiffany Gomez. Tiffany Gomez.
Your mom. Your mom.
My mom. My mom.
My mom. I missed it.
By the way, speaking of your mom, after your mom went to the Mets game, the Nationals game with me, everywhere I went in the country, people asked me, did your mom suck your dick? Marlins man. No.
And I said, all I have to say about his mom is this. Ready? She's super nice, she's hot for age, and they're real.
What is going on, Marlins man? Marlins man. Marlins man.
You need to chill, Marlins man. No, mommy did not suck my dick.
Will you stop saying that? It's her birthday, Marlins man You need to chill Marlins man No mommy did not suck my dick Will you stop saying that

It's her birthday Marlins man

It's her birthday

Alright so Marlins man

So we're good

Like we don't think you're a fraud

We understand you thought

Okay

Okay

The funny thing about it is

If you know the sports

And you guys know sports better than anybody

Yeah

Nobody knew where the fuck the Marlins were going to play

Until Sunday night

That's true

In fact they almost had to play the four-out game, which I was going to. I have season tickets to the Mets now in the second row.
I was going to New York for the four outs on Monday. And I said, I can't wait.
I already had plans. It looked like the Marlins were going to be in Milwaukee.
By the way, if you go statistics, there was only a 12% chance the Marlins went to anywhere but Milwaukee.

Yeah.

Okay?

In order for that to happen, the Diamondbacks had to choke and lose four in a row.

And the Marlins had to win three out of four.

Seven games had to go that way.

That's a 12% chance.

12 and a half. So I figured, okay, i invited the m&m guy i'm sitting at the front row amy with her fake tits you know i got the whole thing lined up i got three baseball celebrities you got me front row amy the m&m guy and i tried to get the pink hat guy from chicago to go and you and big guy you know who i'm talking yes Yes.
I thought we're going to have the four celebrities of baseball in the same place. And here was the big surprise.
Huge surprise for you. What? I thought you might be going last night.
I know. Okay.
And you're a big sports fan. I know you couldn't make it.
And I like you guys a lot. And I'm like, why would he do that? I just invited him to the game.
And now he just basically says I'm a pussy and a fraud and all that other shit. No, no, that wasn't us, though.
That wasn't us. I know you told me that, and that's when I changed.
Well, here's what my surprise was for you. What? What is the biggest thing in sports right now? Marlins, man? Taylor Swift.
Oh, Taylor Swift. Taylor Swift going to the NFL games, right? Yeah.
What if I could make something bigger than that and you were in the middle of it? What? Okay. Okay.
What was the biggest sports story in the NBA the last three months? Damian Lillard. Correct.
And what's the second biggest story? Whether Giannis is going to re-up in Milwaukee. Yep.
Right? Yep. So what if Giannis is on one side of you and Lillard is on the other side of you and then next to them is me, Front Row Amy, and the M&M guy? I didn't know this was a possibility.
Yes. Damn it.
So instead, when they just couldn't go because they weren't sure about security and stuff, instead I brought with me some of the Bucs employees and the guy sitting next to me in the blue is a great guy and he's skilled, and he's competent. He's the lawyer for the Bucs.
Oh. Okay? And they wanted to make sure, and they did.
Those were safe seats. Because what they didn't want to do was distract in the game and have all the fans come down.
Because here's Big Cat, the celebrity from, you know, Barstool. And here's Marlins, man.
And here's the Eminem guy. And here's Giannis and Lillard.
And what I wanted to tell him was in seat one which is where i was going to put you is right next to the camera well the fans can't come down and bother the guys and there's seven seats to the right so as it turned out it wasn't enough time if there had been a game tonight we would have done it okay it was i was going to tell you, you can eat, and the guys with George owns Windy City Limo in

Chicago. So he was going to arrive for you to be taken in a limo from Chicago up there on Windy City Limo.
And he was going to take you in a Windy City Limo, which is the team for the Bears, and he does the buses for the Cubs. He was going to have you go up there, and you were going to sit and blow up the internet.
And the NBA and MLB and the Bucs and the Brewers, we get all this, and Barstool, we get all this free publicity. They would go, Taylor who? Damn it.
You're right. That would be so much bigger.
Fuck. All right.
Well, I'm sorry we couldn't make it. Yeah.
We still love you, Marlins man. So don't worry.
It's a big company. Jordy has a right to an opinion.
We don't think you're a pussy or a fraud. We think you're a friend.
Here's what I want to do. Which city is Jordy living? Philly.
Perfect. If I go to Philly, I'm going to bring him to the game with me.
Okay. I'm going to make that motherfucker take all the pictures.
Yes. That's worse.
That's like hell. He's going to take about a thousand pictures and be saying, oh, this is disgusting.
Wait a minute. Okay.
Some of the people have called me a douchebag and a scumbag. I'm going to take pictures to become my biggest fans.
I love it. I love it.
All right. Well, Marlon's Man, have a safe flight.
We'll talk to you soon. I have a question.
Marlon's Man, how are your cats doing? PFT, tell your mom you miss her. I can't wait to see her in Washington.
I don't know if that's going to happen anymore. PFT asked how your cats are doing.
Oh, wait. I think instead of taking Nia Khalifa with me to the capital games, I'll take his mom.
Okay. All right.
How are you? All right. You know what, Marlins, man? We'll just talk to you later, all right? We love you.
Wait, when last thing is Hank there? Yeah, Hank's right next to me. Hank, how's Rita doing? I haven't seen her in a long time.
Oh, God. Oh, God.
All right. Goodbye, guys.
All right. See you, Marlins, man.
Holy shit, what a call. He just roasted the shit out of us.
What that? That was torched earth I think he played that perfectly He's more of a genius than we realized Because he's like, no, I'm not mad at you guys You guys didn't say I'm a pussy and fraud And then just was like, boom, right across the room Dude, that was a slaughter That was awesome I like how he's like, yeah, all these people We'd walk around the the country, and they were like, yeah, they're racist, and they hate women, and suck my dick. No, it sounded for the boys, so that means they hate women.
Suck my dick, gorilla. Oh, man.
I don't know how we go on from that. That was an all-time.
Maybe the greatest call-in part might take history. I need to collect my thoughts right now.
Nerd nugget, Jake, for saints uh patriots okay yeah do it again just to cleanse us patriots rookie punter bryce beringer is leading the nfl with 11 punts inside the 20s on pace to finish with 47 inside the 20 that would be the second in nfl history okay we're good boys i was i think i'm good like you're like well it was all good stuff he said that he didn't hook up with my mom yeah that's that's good you're like looking at your body being like no i think and then you look down you're like oh wait i have a gap i've never met him either and he has my number he texts me too yeah yeah i don't know how that happened yeah i'm very glad that i don't have Yeah. I like having...
He texts me all kinds of stuff. Actually, I take that back.
We DM and stuff, but... Yeah, he sends me all his stuff.
Our relationship is now officially icy, me and Marlon's man. Yeah.
Yeah. It's icy.
That was something. All right.
Hall of Fame call. Yes.
Yeah. Hall of Fame call.
Listen, content is content. That was good.
He has to bring Jordy now because if he brings Jordy, and that is the worst punishment you could give him, man, is you have to take thousands of pictures. I don't want to jump into the whole discussion about journalism, what Jordy did or didn't do, because I don't know if he tried to reach out to Marlins men, but I think that Marlins men should have been contacted.

I agree. I agree.
You have to hit him up.

Before you publish that, it's Journalism 101.

It's 101. Exactly.

Okay, next up, Panthers at Lions.

I had this stat from the Action Network.

They said last time the Lions were over a seven-point favorite

was December 31st, 2017, versus the Packers and Brett Hundley. That's how long it's been since they've been over a seven-point favorite.
They're like a nine, nine-and-a-half favorite against the Panthers. And Jared Goff, just a reminder, is the most profitable quarterback in all of football since he came into the NFL.
Here's another one. Most profitable Lions quarterbacks against the spread the last 20 years.
Jared Goff, number one. I got number two.
Easy. Yeah.
Actually, this guy might be better than Jared Goff. Teddy Bridgewater.
Nope. Teddy Bridgewater against the spread has been.
But not on the Lions. Right.
But in his career. Yeah, but there's Lions quarterbacks.
I know, but I'm surprised because the first thing you said was he's the most profitable quarterback. Oh, yeah.
No, it is. It is.
It is. More so Yeah, yeah.
All right, that's shocking. So most profitable Lions quarterback, so again, in the last 20 years.
Jared Goff's number one because he's most profitable in all the NFL. Who's number two and three? Last 20 years.
I mean, I want to say Stafford, but it's not him. It's not Stafford.
John Kitna. No.
Joey Harrington. Joey Harrington's number three.
Okay. Number two, Dan Orlovsky, 6-1.
How does he not? I would have that in my byline. 6-1 against the spread.
It's pretty good. That's all anyone cares about.
Like, if you're like, oh, Dan Orlovsky, you weren't a good quarterback. No, no, 6-1 against spread's an incredible quarterback.
Was he on the 0-16 team? I don't remember. He might have been.

That was Kitna and, yeah, it might have been.

I wonder how they were against the spread.

Because that's all I really care about.

Against the spread.

The 0-16 Lions.

Rod Marinelli.

What a team that was.

I'm looking right now.

First line.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7.

So they were probably 7-9 against the spread. That's pretty good.
That is pretty good. That's pretty damn good.
Yeah, I that team was not good but against the spread. Orlovsky played seven games that year.
So he was that was probably where he went in six and one. He was he was on fire.
They should have started Dan Orlovsky should have around Dan Orlovsky. Didn't get a fair shake.
Didn't get a fair shake. That safety was smart to take.
It prevented its swung field position. Yeah.
That's why they covered. Are the Panthers one of the more bummer teams to watch? They're definitely a bummer team.
I actually think they look better with Andy Dalton at quarterback. They're more exciting to watch with him back there.
Yeah. Bryce, he hasn't caught up to the speed of the nfl yet the there's a report that the panthers need they're looking for a wide receiver they don't have a first round pick obviously it's the bears pick and i thought i like dj more a lot but what if the bears traded dj more back to the panthers for the next two first round picks kind of like the the j your own jc jackson yeah we just get all the first round picks in the pants i don't want to part with DJ Moore, but if you're Ryan Poulos, you've got to at least make that call.
Yeah, I mean, Adam Thielen's not bad, right? He's had a good season so far. Yeah, but they need— I don't think that they're like a wide receiver away.
No, I think it's more they need a wide receiver for Bryce Young's growth, which I understand that. Yeah? Because you want your rookie quarterback to have someone to throw to.
Yeah. But, yeah, the Lions, this is actually a really good litmus test for the Lions.
And if they're for real, for real, like, you have to beat the Panthers soundly. Yeah, it might be a trap game.
Yeah, right. Like, the Lions have all the publicity.
They're really, really good. But these are the type of games, if you are destined for a deep playoff run, you squash the Panthers and don't make it a game.
The good news is they're getting Jameson Williams back. Yes.
So the NFL said our bad on that whole gambling policy thing. They revised it, and part of the revision was they gave amnesty and let people who were suspended under the old terms back.
Oh, nice. So Jameson Williams is back earlier than expected, even though I think they've just been in preseason,, they were just running and bragged on the like during practice.
They were just putting all the workload on him since they knew that he was going to play for a few weeks. Yep.
I think I think the Lions offense is about to explode. I think we're on explode.
Oh, I like that. We're about to see an explosion.
I like that. We're going to see.
Can I'm going to call? I'm going to call a 45 burger oh this week i like it a lot i'm taking it panthers defense isn't terrible but i like that yeah maybe some turn turnovers i think they're for real for real okay uh jake nerd nugget through four games the lions run defense has given up the fewest rushing yards 243 in the nfl it's the fewest rushing yards allowed by them since at least 1945. Okay.
Next up, Titans Colts. Jonathan Taylor.
Taylor Watch. He's back.
21 days to practice has opened up on Monday, I believe. So we're taping this early because PFT and Jake and memes are going to DC for the Bears' Commanders game.
I think he's speaking to the media today, so we'll find out a little bit more about where his head's at but everything that Shane Steichen has said feels like Jonathan Taylor I feel like Jonathan Taylor sat out and was like let me see how this team is obviously set out for the contract but now that it's two and two they look feisty they look frisky yeah yeah why not let's play they put them on the pup list just to buy

themselves some time it's like maybe in a month things will cool down you'll have some time to think about it you watch football you'll see your guys out there maybe winning a couple games and then you'll miss playing so you'll want to come back i don't know i don't know when he's going to actually get back on the field um but i do know that it has been a thousand and fifty days on Sunday since the Colts have beaten the Titans.

Whoa.

Which is so long. So long.
That's so long. It's been over 1,000 days since they've won that game.
So I think even though the Titans stink on the road this year, I think I got to go with the Titans. Because Derrick Henry looked like Derrick Henry last week.
You know, like when it cuts to red zone and a team's on their own 25 and you're like wait why are they showing this game there were some like no context derrick henry touchdown run yes last week 75 yards boom yeah this is um this is my witching hour chaos game yeah no matter what happens in this game i think we'll be watching it in the witching hour being like oh my god it's flipping back and forth maybe a live bet game uh jake nerd nugget anthony richardson leads the league in explosive play rates which is a run of 12 plus yards or a pass of 20 plus yards he's averaging six yards a carry and there's four explosive runs and four rushing touchdowns remember he's missed time too so the fact that he leads the league with explosive plays yeah he's missed time pretty sick he's so hang he's so fun hey how pumped would you be if anthony richardson right now? So pumped. He'll be incredible.
I mean, I have him Offensive Rookie of the Year. That's the only...
CJ Stroud might have a word with that. Let's go to that game.
Still time. There's still time.
Also, I love how the NFL... What'd you say? What'd you say, Max? Pukunukuha.
Oh, yeah. Pukunukuha.
Yeah. I love how there's explosive plays and actual stats.
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
It's a cool name. Oh, yeah.
There's havoc plays. There's all that stuff.
They have a staff for everything. All right.
Texans Falcons to finish off the early game. Real quick.
We did give away the cold season tickets for last for this week, right? Yes. Congratulations to Jordan and Alyssa.
What do we have them do? They they had video evidence that they attended Jim Ursa's kickoff concert and have videos of him singing lawyers, guns and money. Oh, hell yeah.
That's awesome. Okay.
And then we gave it to four people, right? Yeah. They each got a plus one.
Oh, okay. Nice.
Texans at Falcons, Texans at Falcons, Desmond Ritter. We've talked about this before, but he is undefeated at home in the NFL and college football, 30 and Oh, and he stinks.
Yeah. And we're officially on CJ Stroud interception watch.
So you think he thinks about that was the nerd nugget. Every time that he drops back to throw a pass, I would be nervous if I had a streak going that long.
It's like Jared Goff streak. Yeah.
Yeah. It's, it's, it's crazy.
So you, you would be, I would be thinking about that every time. Like, don't throw a pick, don't throw a pick, don't throw a pick.
He, well, how many many how many passes so he's the second qb in

nifl history to not throw a pick in his first four starts minimum of 30 attempts gardner mintry 2019 who here's here's a stat too who are the three quarterbacks uh starting quarterbacks who have not thrown an interception this year obviously cj stroud's number one yeah kind of surprising when I saw this.

Stafford?

Nope.

It is Brock Purdy?

Josh Dobbs.

Oh, yeah.

Josh Dobbs.

Yeah, Brock Purdy. Brock Purdy, Josh Dobbs, CJ Stroud, the three quarterbacks who have not thrown an interception.
We talked about Christian McCaffrey MVP watch. Yeah.
Should we be talking about Brock Purdy MVP watch? Top 10 quarterback. If you look at his stats right now.
People are saying he's a top 10 quarterback. Brock Purdy has MVP level stats right stats right now yeah that's all i'm saying yeah it's it's been in i've seen it in talked about in the sports world brock purdy top 10 yep uh okay that was your nerd nugget all right great so let's move on to the afternoon games eagles at rams max big cat are you worried uh yeah i mean r Rams are a good team.
Decent team. If Cooper Cup comes back, that makes me a little bit more worried considering our secondary hasn't been the best this year.
But I still think the Eagles are better, and they'll probably win a close one, and everyone will say that they suck because they win close games. I have launched a nuclear missile.
I did this yesterday on the Rams season. No, not this weekend.
Just listen. Not this weekend, man.
You're listening. You are so triggered right now.
I'm not triggered. Yeah, you are.
I'm not triggered. Look how pre-triggered.
Just be happy with your Phillies, Max. You're listening, please.
I am happy with my Phillies. You should.
You should be. I've launched a nuclear missile on the Rams season win total.
It's over seven and a half right now. I like it.
I love it. Look at their schedule.
Look at their schedule. They've got two wins already.
They've got two wins already. They play a lot of winnable games for the remainder of the year.
It was minus 114. It's my biggest bet of the season so far.
I reserve a right to make a bigger bet later. But I saw it and I love it.
I love it so much that it probably sucks. Three home games in a row.
Eagles, Cardinals, and Steelers. Then they go on the road to the Cowboys and the Packers.
But, yeah, they have the Cardinals twice, Commanders, Giants, Saints. Yeah, I like this, PFT.
I like this for you. I'm happy for you.
Yeah, feel free to join. Yeah, I might have to join.
I might have to join. Do you think Mike Trout's going to be at this game? Yeah.
I think he probably will be. Well, he might be at the bank.
Or he might be at the bank. That'd be so funny if Mike Trout was going to the bank and just screaming his head off for the fightings.
I thought there was a chance he was going to throw out the first pitch of game one. That would be so funny.
It would have been all time. Have him ring the bell.
How bad do you think Mike Trout, like when he watches the Phillies games, is like, fuck, I wish I was on the Phillies. I actually think that – when is he a free agent again? Never.
Never? Yeah. He'll probably try to do – he'll do a one-day contract to retire as a Phillies.
A Phillie, yeah. He's got to be like, oh, man, I wish I was in Philadelphia right now.
There was a story that when Roy Halladay got traded to the Phillies or signed by the Phillies, he called his dad and was like, we got Doc, we got Doc.

And his dad was like, oh, the Angels got Doc?

And he was like, no, the Phillies.

He was like, Mike, you play on the Angels.

All right, nerd nugget for this game.

DeAndre Swift has produced the second most rushing yards in the NFL,

364 behind Christian McCaffrey, 364 rushing yards,

and the most by an Eagle through four games

since LaShawn McCoy in 2013.

And they pay him, what, like $3 million?

Pretty good.

Pretty good.

Pretty good deal for the Eagles.

Pretty good.

Okay, next up, Bengals and Cardinals.

Joe Burrow has called this a must-win.

It's a must-win, yeah.

It's a must-win.

It's officially a must-win.

I don't see a way that they lose.

They can't lose. They can't lose.
Well, no, they can. They can lose, but just must win.
They must win. Yeah, they must win.
That's important. The Cardinals are wearing their all-black uniforms for the first time ever.
So it might be a must win for Arizona, too. Yeah.
Might have a battle of must wins. I think this is – if the Bengals lose this game, their season's over, right? I would say – well, I don't want to go all Ryan Clark because Ryan Clark was like, yeah, the Giants, they're done as a team after Monday Night Football.
It's still very early in the season. It is.
Do you chose the pinky team? Yeah, it's the Vikings. The Bengals have the 49ers and the Bills coming up in late October, early November.
So I feel like... It's a must win.
Joe's right. It's a must win.
They have to win this game. Apparently he's feeling healthier than he has all season.
So that's good for Joe. That's relative.
It's relative. Yeah, he's still very injured.
We'll see if the Bengals can score more than three points on the road. And so I did not know this about Josh Dobbs.
Call me a Josh Dobbs casual. But I did a little bit of background research into him this week.
Did you know he was an aerospace engineer at the University of Tennessee? Yeah, they made the shirts. Yeah.
The astronaut, the pastronaut. Yeah.
Caleb made those shirts. It was awesome.
He's an aerospace engineer. When he was with the Jaguars, he did an internship at NASA.
Love it. He's a fucking rocket scientist.
Yeah. And at NASA, he worked with the experimental groups like the trash to gas group where he was taking trash that you accumulate in a spacecraft and converting it to gas power that you can use to power your spacecraft.

This is just my eating every Sunday.

He was turning trash to gas.

No, he was turning trash into gas.

Yeah.

And if that doesn't describe the mission that he's on right now with the Arizona Cardinals, I don't know what does. It's the fact.
Like, he is around trash, and he's giving them gas. Yes.
And he's giving them energy. Yes.
I think it's very... I had no idea that Josh Dobbs was a nerd.
Yeah, the all-time nickname, the pastor and I. Yeah.
It was great. We made sick...
He was in a NASA headgear. We made the whole shirts.
It was cool. So I'm a casual, but a casual no more.
The casual no more. I'm a, I'm a Dobbs fan.
You respect his mind. I do.
Yes. Nerd nugget.
Yeah. We talked about this earlier, but Josh Dobbs, 123 consecutive pass attempts without a pick this year are the most in franchise history.
Start a season. Wow.
Wow. Kyler Murray getting a little worried.
Yeah. All right.
Next up. Jets at Broncos.
Broncos are wearing their snow-capped white helmets that rock. Yeah, they are good.
They look so sick. I have a question for you, PFT, and we're obviously taping this early in the morning before the Bears and the Commanders play, and I know that the Bears will make any team look good, but is there a chance that Russell Wilson, he's looked looked better but he has not played a good defense i was thinking about this by the raiders yeah played the commanders commanders defense isn't bad i mean they've given up 30 points in three straight games yeah on the points factor they are yeah but um there's a lot more that goes in defense than just how many points you love but it's but it still is like i don't think the commanders can can be considered a good defense right now.
No, they're not. They're not.
I'm joking, yes. The ultimate judge is how many points you give up in defense.
Yeah, we are very bad at that. Again, you probably look good against the Bears, so this is going to be, everyone's going to be like, wait, what are you talking about? The commanders held the Bears to 10 points.
No, I think the Bears are going to win outright. Shock the world.
I'm. Shocked the world.
So he played the Raiders, bad defense.

Commanders, bad defense.

He played the Dolphins, bad defense.

And then last week, they played the Bears, the worst defense.

So is there a chance that we see bad Russ here against the Jets defense?

We might.

It's like one of those things I realized, like, wait, in my head, I'm like, Russ has played

pretty well this year.

It's not really his fault.

It's a Broncos defense. And then I had a little, like, bolt of electricity.
Like, oh, have they not played anyone good on defense? Yeah, they might run into a buzzsaw this week because the Jets are going to be pissed off. Yeah.
The Jets, we got a coach matchup here. Hackett versus Payton.
Revenge game for Sean Payton's previous comments where he was like, that was the worst job coaching I've ever seen. The Jets are in a position where they need a reason to get fired up to defend their offense's honor every single week.
So if it's somebody that's calling Zach Wilson trash or an opposing player like Willie Gay pretending not to laugh when he's talking about Zach Wilson, that gives them a reason now to go out there and defend their offense's honor. Zach Wilson also played pretty good last week.
He did. But this is a real easy one for the Jets to be like, here is literally what he said about your coach two months ago.
Right. In an article to a reporter.
I think the defense for the Jets is going to be fired up. I think it's going to be Russ turning back into that Thursday night football Russ that we saw last year.
Yep. I think it's going to be an ugly Russ game.
This also is, it feels like whoever loses this game, their season is officially, officially over. Yeah.
Because 1-3 to 2-3. 1-4 and 2-3, it feels like the biggest difference in terms of how your season's going.
And the Jets have the Eagles next. And then I think they have a couple winnable games.
this is salvage time did you hear the interview with with Unc and and Marshawn Lynch talking about Russell Wilson yes Marshawn Lynch did a very good job of trying not to say anything mean about Russ but then Shannon Sharp kept like goading him on and be like no tell me more about that tell me more about that and uh it sounds like Russell Wilson wilson's like the worst teammate ever so marsha

lynch told the story which is very funny after the interception uh he went back to the sideline and russell wilson was like we'll get him next time and marshawn was like what the fuck are you talking about next time dude the super bowl's over and then marshawn lynch said that he took off his uh helmet and went right into pete carroll's face and just laughed in his face and went to the locker room yeah yeah this is a pretty good story and so after a game where Russ didn't play that well Marshawn Lynch had 150 yards two touchdowns he wanted to call Russ to be like hey man I know that you're bummed out like you're supposed to light this team up I I know that you didn't things didn't go the way that you wanted them to go today but just so you know there'll be days where I'm not playing not playing well, that you're going to pick me up. He wanted to tell Russ that.
He didn't have Russ's number, so he had to call their director of PR to give him Russ's number. And instead, Russ tried calling him from a blocked number so that Marshawn couldn't even get his number from the call from Russell Wilson.
It seems like Russ is just a bad hang. Yeah, he's not a good hang.
Overall bad. He had some good years in Seattle on the field.
I would say Russell Wilson probably the worst hang of any player in the NFL. Russell Wilson, I would not want to hang out with him other than maybe at a Gary V convention.
Then he'd probably be a pretty good hang. That would sound like the worst time ever.
Right, but him, he would fit in well there. He would fit in very well.
Right. Yeah.
Gary Conn. No, it's VConn, I think.
I don't know what it is. Okay.
So, next up. Oh, Nerd Nugget.
Since week 16 of last year, the Jets have not allowed a second-half touchdown. Seven straight games.
Tied for the longest of any team since 2000. That is fun.
That's a good Nerd Nugget. Is there any concern knowing that Russell Wilson likes to high-step all over Jets, though? It's kind of his thing that he does.
Maybe bet on Russ. Great games.
Okay. Chiefs at Vikings.
Chiefs at Vikings. I'm saying this is a get-right game for Patrick Mahomes.
This is a perfect – everyone – Patrick Mahomes didn't play well on Sunday night, didn't throw for 200 yards. Zach Wilson outplayed him.
People do their annual early September, early October, late September. What's wrong with the Chiefs? We're getting into that zone right now.
The Vikings defense is trash. They don't really pressure the quarterback.
This is a Mahomes four-touchdown game. We forget every year, too.
We write the Chiefs off in October every year. Oh, they're not the same.
The offense stinks. And then we're like, later on in the year, oh, yeah, remind me next year not to write the Chiefs off in early October.
It's just we get bored. Yeah, we do.
We get bored. So, fun fact, the Vikings, they're the only team in the NFL that Patrick Mahomes has never beaten.
Ooh. And that's because they're the only team in the NFL that Patrick Mahomes has never played against.
Oh. So, last time the Chiefs played against the Vikings, it was Matt Moore.
Got it. I think it was Matt Moore.
Either that or Hinty. It was a backup.
Yeah. One of the backups played that game.
But yeah, Patrick Mahomes has never started against the Vikings, and they're the only team that he's never beaten. So we don't know if he's good yet.
We don't know if Patrick Mahomes is good yet. Did you see Kirk Cousins went to the Twins game? Yeah, I bought his own tickets.
Bought his own tickets. I love Kirk.
Using game time. I like him now.
It's hard. It's like, it's really hard.
Of course. It's hard not to like.
Yeah, Kirk Cousins is awesome. Using game time.
Using game time. Actually, I wouldn't be surprised if Kirk listened to this podcast just to get the game time code to save $20 off his tickets.
Yes, shout out Kirk. Yeah.
Yeah. I do like Kirk now.
It was very wholesome. He just went to the game with his family, catch a ball game.

He said he didn't want to ask for any favors because he didn't want to make it a big deal.

Very cool.

He's a great guy.

Yeah.

Kirk Cousins is an awesome person.

Also, here's a stat for you.

After Mahomes throws for fewer than 200 yards in a game, the Chiefs are 10-1, and he's 9-2 against the spread.

So the get-right game is coming.

So we'll talk about Taylor Swift just real quick.

Thank you. than 200 yards in a game the Chiefs are 10 and 1 and he's 9 and 2 against the spread so that's the get right game is coming uh so I will talk about Taylor Swift just real quick in the context of this game careful I will I'll be very careful the mayor of Minneapolis if you thought that the NFL was simping for Taylor Swift like changing their bios changing their headers on on social media making everything about Taylor first all, people are like mad that Taylor Swift is on the NFL stuff.
The NFL sold out the NFL for Taylor Swift in terms of the simping. Like they're straight up saying like, yeah, Taylor, you're bigger.
If you think that's simping, the Minneapolis mayor is the king of Taylor Swift simps. He changed the name of Minneapolis, Minnesota to...

It was Swish... is the king of Taylor Swift's simps.
He changed the name of Minneapolis, Minnesota to, it was Swiftiapolis.

Oh, no.

When she was in town.

And now he's begging her to come back for this game.

Oh, no.

Like, it's honestly embarrassing.

If I was in Minnesota,

just know that your mayor will sell you out

in a heartbeat for one night with Taylor Swift

inside his city.

Yeah, that's weird.

Swiftiapolis.

Very weird.

There was a thought throughout this whole week.

What if I just bought a ticket to Taylor Swift's next concert in Argentina and went?

I mean, that'd be fun.

Yeah.

Should I do it?

Eat some steak.

There's actually nothing.

You couldn't pay me to do that. Not the Taylor Swift concert, the Argentina part.
Oh, Argentina would rock. Don't clip that.
Okay. Cowboys.
Yeah, but a long plane ride during football season. There's 50 days straight of football.
Yeah. Can't do that.
Yeah. Not only is this Mahomes' first game against the Vikings, but the Chiefs are becoming the 32nd NFL team to play at U.S.
Bank Stadium.

They've never played there.

And Mahomes has beaten the Fleshy Max.

Mahomes has played the other 30 NFL teams

and has defeated all but one, the Colts and the Vikings.

I thought that he had defeated the Colts too.

I see 0-2 against Colts.

Oh, well, then maybe I was wrong with my stat.

Oh, yeah, because he did lose last year against the Colts.

Matt Ryan, one of the weirdest games of the year.

Thank you. and two against Colts.
Oh, well, then maybe I was wrong with my stat. Oh, yeah, because he did lose last year against the Colts.
Matt Ryan, one of the weirdest games of the year. Okay, fact check that.
We'll go to the last game. Cowboys at Niners, best game.
So excited for this game. This is a game.
Regular season. Regular season.
Oh, okay. So he has beaten the Colts.
Gotcha. Yeah.
This is a game that I'm very curious to see the Cowboys. It's actually for both these teams because the 49ers are 4-0, have wasted everyone.
You could make the argument they haven't played anyone great, although the Rams are scrappy. The Cowboys' red zone offense is the big bugaboo in in Dallas right now how do we fix the red zone offense they are third to last in red zone offense they have had 85 red zone trips and only scored seven touchdowns out of that uh they even like in a game that they killed the Patriots they were still struggling in the red zone and you got it guess what PFT you can't beat you can't beat the Niners with field rules.
You can't. You can't beat the Niners with field rules.
Not when you got Brock Purdy under center. No, no, no, no.
If you're kicking for three, Brock Purdy will put seven on you. Brock Purdy is actually the top – the number one quarterback in the entire NFL in yards per attempt.
So it's not like he's checking down all the time. Yeah.
Like he's – No, he's – He's throwing. He's throwing the football.
It's also a Trey Lance revenge game. So a lot of talk about Trey Lance and whether he's going to be able to give away the 49ers playbook.
I don't even think they gave Trey Lance the real playbook. I think they gave him the third string playbook.
It's like, hey, you have to know what you have to know. You mean the Niners did? The Niners gave the Cow what I say no yeah the Niners gave Trey Lance the third string or you think the Cowboys did no do you think he'll be able to be a spy for the Cowboys or do you think

the Niners also gave him the third no I think that the night it's probably a case of like both

sides playing him as their double agent right where the Niners didn't give him the real plays

when he was in San Francisco and the Cowboys haven't given him the real plays Dallas Dallas. Right.
And so each side is getting misinformation from each other, and Trey Lance thinks that he's like a super spy right now. Yes.
Yeah, he's like going to park benches and looking underneath for drops. Yeah, but both sides are like, this guy's an idiot.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, I'm so excited for this game. This game is going to fucking rock.
Would you say it's a measuring stick game for the Cowboys? Yeah, I think it's a measuring stick game for both. Okay.
both okay because i think the cowboys if they win they are now very much have to be taken for real as a super bowl caliber team like a super bowl winning caliber team they're already probably a nfc championship caliber team but this would be a measuring stick for them in that respect and then if the niners beat the cowboys like they've been beating everyone else they might be just as we might have to go into 17 and 0 stretch so yeah we need to prepare ourselves mentally just in case the Cowboys win Hank's Cowboys yep we have to pre-spin zone ourselves into why Dak still sucks yes because like I'm not going to say that he's good I'm just I don't think I'll ever say that Dak Prescott is good he could throw for seven touchdowns in the Super Bowl be like, still sucks. You remember all those interceptions in 2022? Yes.
But we got to figure out a way to have that on deck in case they lose so that we can still be like, Dak sucks. Yes, yes.
Maybe Trey Lance gave him the plays. Trey Lance gave him the plays.
That's exactly what happened. Gave the Cowboys all the plays.
That's exactly what happened. You're absolutely right.
Okay, should we do our picks? Oh, yeah, Nerd Nugget. This is actually a cool one.
Is it? All of them are cool. Jake, don't diminish.
Well, I looked up when I saw it. The Colts Chiefs one you were incorrect about.
Well, I just left out some information. 49ers wide receiver Brandon Ayuk has 17 catches this season.
All of those have resulted in either a first down or a touchdown. Wow, I like that.
That is very cool, Jake. Very cool, Jake.
I think Kittle's going to have a big game. Okay.
Very cool stat, Jake. Very cool.
Let's do our picks. I had a terrible week last week.
Give us the standings, and then we'll go around and do our picks. Yeah.
So for the warm-up portion, I'm 5-3. Max is 4-4.
Meems is 3-5. So one game separating everyone.
And then the main event, Big Cat 4-2-2. Hank 4-3-1.
PFC 4-4. So all tight.
Jake's sick. He's sick.
You can hear it. He's very nasally.
He is sick. Don't let them sick-shame him.
We're not sick-shaming him. He's just sick.
You should be sick too, man. Max, you've been sick for fucking ever.
I was just jumping on your defense there, Jake. You're a sick freak.
No, ever since you said it, it might be in my head, but I'm like, ugh. No, it's nasally.
You made Jake sick. I might have made Jake sick.
I might have, but I was also, maybe I'm actually a hero. Yeah, you're a hero.
What if it's something way more dangerous than a cold? Or allergies. What if Jake's like, oh, Big Cat said I was sick, went to the doctor, caught the tumor before everyone else? Stop.
Well, I can't rule it out. Big magic, Jake.
What do you ever do? He got AIDS. I'm just saying that I look out for my boys.
No, Big Cat wants that to be a thing so that you could be like, oh, well, shout out to me if it weren't for me. Max, I said I told your mother that I would go to the doctor with you because I don't think you asked the right questions.
And I also don't think you went to the doctor. I did go to the doctor.
I think you went to a veterinarian. I really do.
Okay. I think you got dog pills like Kramer.
The pills aren't doing much. Yeah, exactly.
And you're eating them in bologna, little bologna pieces. No, no.
Peanut butter. It's peanut butter.
Every day, Meme says, sit, Max, and he throws a pill in your mouth. Okay.
So they're all tight. All the standings.
And then pancakes. Hank continues to dominate.
He has the top two guys in the league. There we go, Hank.
24 for Hank. Big Cat and Max with 15.
Meme's a 10. Me with 7.
PFT with 5. Okay.
And also, just as an update, we, I think, have secured the base. Just PFT.
What was that laughing? Close. We're at the finish line.
We're at the finish line for the dingers only punishment, which would be PFT playing against a college team. I'm actually going to throw six outs, right? Yeah.
It's only two innings. I've been working on my junk.
I got a sweeper now. Yeah, nice.
I got a nasty sweeper. And then the Mount Rushmore punishment, as soon as the new office opens, we will do that.
I think we have a date, so it'll be a Thursday. I completely forgotten about the fact that you have to do isolation chamber.
Isolation chamber for 24 hours. It's awesome.
I forgot about that, too. Yeah.
You're basically going to be in solitary confinement. It's psychological torture.
I mean, that is a joke of whatever. I mean, we're just going to play a lot of rock, paper, scissors, shoot.
Yeah, that's great. We have whatever you want to do.
But I just want to give everyone updates. Was that a threat? Did you threaten us with rock, paper, scissors, shoot? No, I was about to ask.
I was like, can we have cards or can we play games? You're going to be like, no. No, we're going to add something every hour.
Like, we're going to toss something in the room. Right.
It's like in prison when they bring you your meal. We'll have a cutout hole in the door.
We'll put it in there. They're going to make us fight for stuff.
Yeah, you guys are going to be like stink bombs. It's going to be like, no.
Oh, you know what we should do? Why did you say that? We should do stink bombs. Good idea, Hank.
For sure. Good idea.
We also should just toss in a DVD player, and the only DVD on it is the Patriots-Eagles Super Bowl.

Which one?

A mystery.

It could be mystery.

Yeah.

Mystery Super Bowl.

We should also just play pornography,

and so they have to watch porn together in the room together.

Yeah, you perverts.

You have to.

It's like sickos.

Yeah.

All right.

Who's up for us in the picks?

You guys are fucking weirdos.

You're a weirdo.

You're our producer.

You can stop any of this.

You've enabled us, Hank.

What?

Do you still have the bonk list going?

Yeah, but it's gotten weird.

I can't wait until the bonk list comes out, 2023 version.

I don't think Hank's done it.

I think he's let the bonk list slide.

Jake was supposed to double check.

Yeah, but you guys haven't said to add anything in a while.

Oh, yeah, I haven't said anything this week that was bonkable right jake uh usually say put it on the list okay yeah uh who's up first i think i'm leading off okay max you let off last week last thing i had why i said lauren bobert 922 big cat says he would watch tyreek hill in a porno facts did you see cam newton came out and said that he's a small dick that was They kept it. Jackie's ass was out, and she has a donk on the day of JFK's assassination.
She does. She's got fucking cake.
She was caked up for her husband's funeral. Mrs.
Metis hot, and he knocked it out the park. Of course.
I guess I'm talking. So I guess we're running with Hank at the end of the year.
Every time Hank reads the bonk list to us, I'm reminded of how correct we are with our horny face. wants to see Ricky Fowler stick his throat down.
Allison Stoke after the Ryder Cup stick his throat. That's what I said.
I think I don't do don't do the whole bunk list right now. I'm just saying.
Yeah, it's alive and well. Okay.
All right. Good.
Good. All right.
Go ahead, Jake. All right.
Lunder Jaguars bills under 48 and a half blind. I have to stick to the brand.
Boo. No reasoning behind it.
Boo. Except the name.
All right. I'm going to go under Saints Patriots.
Under 40 and a half points. Like I said, neither team has scored 20 points this season.
There are two of the three teams that haven't reached 20 yet, so I'm going to stay on that. Okay.
I'm going to go Buffalo Bills minus 5.5 against the Jags. Okay.
I will start with my over. I'm going to take Giants-Dolphins over 48.5.
Bounce back game for both offenses. Hank, did you say the Lills like the London Bills? Was that what you just did right there? The Lills.
I like that. Yeah, it's good.
That's very clever. I'm going to take Chiefs Vikings over 52 and a half.

I like it.

I like it.

I love it.

I love it.

I love it.

Did anyone take Steelers?

No.

No.

Okay, I will take the Steelers.

Plus four against the Ravens.

Plus four against the Ravens.

Those two teams don't like each other, Max. Those two teams don't like each other, Max.

Those two teams don't like each other.

Throw out the record books.

And memes took my over.

Did anyone take Bill's Jags over?

No.

I'll take the Lover.

Head to head.

This is huge.

I'm going to take Packers minus one.

Okay. Against the Raiders Monday night night I was thinking about that as well I'll take the Jets plus one and a half On Russell Wilson never playing a good defense I will take the, just for the sake of fun Cowboys 49ers over 44 and a half Thank you for the fun You're're welcome.
So, do I do the lag wars? Because I'm thinking about the time zones. I'm thinking about how the Bills are approaching this game.
I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it.
I'm going to be square. I'm going to respect the Kansas City Chiefs.
Kansas City Chiefs road favorites minus four. Four and a half.
Four and a half. PFT, that hook's going to bite you in the ass.
We know Patrick Holmes doesn't care about the spread. I don't care.
And I will close out with recurring guest, D'Amico Ryans and the Texans, plus two at the Falcons. All right.
It sounded like you said Mico. That's what his friends call him.
Yeah, Miko to Miko uh okay good picks boys I like those picks so we're all kind of not terrible yeah that's pretty good last year we were so bad yeah this is it's good if we can just you know a little bit of a ball knowing be not terrible NFL's hard 53% as a group it's hard to win in this league okay that's profitable right right on the edge fantasy fuck boy time and then we'll get to our great interview with Sam Morel what's up you fucking hey what's up what a piece of shit what'd you call us Wooder Wooder Royce said my name is fucking Rocky Rigatone hey stardom is the bank You ain't never seen a fucking atmosphere like this place It's fucking out of this world You're not allowed to say this one This is bullshit from you I'm at the bank Rocky Rigatone I don't accept this one the fuck up. Sid.
My sit-um is Justin Thomas and Jordan Spieth. Yeah, bums.
Bums. Fuck all those country club kids who talk shit about me.
That's what Brooks said when people were talking shit about him signing with the lift. I don't know why Justin Thomas and Spieth got singled out, but fuck them.
I saw Max Homer wear the Smash GC hat the other day. You see that? Yeah.
I would smash him. Knock him out the park.
You gonna fuck Max Homer? I never know. What are you, a homosexual? Oh, you never know.
And my sleeper, Triple Renegade. Triple Renegade.
The Steelers want to win. They did double Renegade a couple weeks ago.
They actually didn't do double Renegade. They're gonna do triple Renegade.
That was the TV production truck that played renegade. Well, I heard it on the number one sports podcast.
Then it must be a fact. A lot of things you heard on this show.
It was that cute guy with the long hair. Okay.
Wait, dickheads. Hey, what's up? You fuck.
It's a fuck you. Hey, fuck you.
Fuck you. Fuck you.
Fuck you. Fuck Max.
Calm down, Marlins man. No, he never.
He never did that. He never would.
Never would. He never did that.
Never would. What's up, dickheads? It's me, Commander Biden.
I'm back in the news. I'm a dog.
I bit way more people than they reported, it turns out. They did a good job keeping it under wraps, but they kicked me out, so I got no home.
My stardom is Hunter Biden because I ate a bunch of his crack, and that's what made me go insane. I'm sitting because I'm a good boy.
I know how to sit. They taught me that trick, so I'm sitting.
And then my sleeper this week. My sleeper is the Jaguars.
The Jaguars as a sleeper are pretty good because I don't trust the jet lag that they're doing. Sean McDermott, he takes cat naps.
I'm a dog. I need longer naps than that.
You didn't even pick him in the picks. I didn't.
You fucking coward. No, no.
This is Commander Biden. You're talking about that pussy PFT.
Orf. Orf.
Orf. Orf.
Orf. Go commies.
I'm a commander and a commie. Both.
What's up, you fucks? It's Frankie Fettuccine. Hey, Frankie.
My stardom is Jets. Sometimes you like to go to a game and watch the Jets play.
That way that Google pushes down all the stories about your Jets emissions. It's good to know that.
I'm not talking about anyone specifically, but if you ever have a chance to go to a game and everyone's giving you shit for your Jets emissions, make sure it's the Jets game. Make sure everyone writes Jets in the headline.
Then when you Google blank Jets, it just says he or she went to a Jets game. It's like when that sick fuck Walt Disney made that movie Frozen.
So that people, when they Googled is Walt Disney's head frozen, the first thing that come up is the movie that he made. Yeah, my sit-em is...
Also, he's a Nazi. My sit-em is Jalen Brown.
He can't dribble with his left. It's tough.
That clip was tough. It was very tough.
My sleeper is Patrick Mahomes. Don't sleep on this guy.
I think he's going to have a bounce back game. People say he stinks.
I don't think he stinks. I think Patrick Mahomes has next.
Next. Next up.
Okay. Do you want to talk about the Jalen Brown clip? How do the Celtics put that out? I think Jalen Brown was in on it.
No chance. Oh, you think it was a setup? Yeah.
Oh, I like that. I like that theory, Hank.
That was so funny. That was so funny.
It was so funny that it had to have been fake. Like, there's no way that that was...
This is, again, sad levels of cope if you're not right. But I believe it.
I kind of believe it now. It's better than the alternative of the Celtics just don't realize that he can't dribble with his left

and somehow got a video of him dribbling not with his left.

It's like when the Sixers PR accidentally put,

or was it the Nets that put out that clip

where Ben Simmons was in the background missing like a three-foot shot.

Yeah.

And then that guy got fired for putting that clip.

But you got to be smarter than that

if you're the Twitter account manager for the Celtics. Yes.
But if it was a joke and if it was like a big troll great job great work you deserve a raise great work uh okay let's get to our interview we got a great interview with comedian samorel awesome dude came changes travel plans because he wanted to come on the show uh sports fan great dude so must listen When your home system or appliance breaks down, American Home Shield will help fix or replace the covered item, no matter its age. Visit ahs.com slash listen for 20% off any plan.
See ahs.com slash contracts for coverage details, limitations, and exclusions. Okay, we now welcome on a very special comedian.
It's Sam Murrell. Thanks, man.
Very special guest. Very special comedian.
He's on tour right now. Very funny guy.
We actually have both done podcasts with Sam before. Yep.
You can check out his podcast, Games with Names. I don't know if I'm coming back on that one.
Oh, you aren't? Well, it was like, maybe he's going to keep doing it. I still love Julian.
still cool but uh they're it's like they need to do in la and i can't i'm on the road every week i can't do that sounds like you got fired from it shit who's the replacement that was an awkward start to the interview uh hopefully i mean hopefully like a football player someone hopefully it's not another comedian that would hurt oh that would suck so bad if it was just like the la version of you just like santino or something yeah that'd be a bummer oh no okay well We got to make sure that doesn't happen. But yeah, that would suck so bad if it was just like the LA version of you.
Just like Santino or something. That'd be a bummer.
Oh, no. Okay.
Well, we got to make sure that doesn't happen. But yeah, that was we both spent a couple hours with you.
That was a lot of fun. Yeah, that was.
Well, it was a lot of fun. I don't know if you're doing it anymore, but that was.
I love Julian. He's the only he is the only person I know who sends me voice memo text all the time.
It's some LA bullshit. I i think it's an athlete thing i think it's like you don't want to leave any sort of uh evidence as to what you've ever said to anybody so you can't screenshot a voice memo he'll also do he does voice memos i think to both of us but he'll listen to our show and then voice memo and be like this is why you're wrong about this and like give us notes on the show oh shit yeah yeah you're gonna be like your take is wrong here's why damn voice yeah he's i mean he would he knows his shit he played yeah he usually gets mad at hank but it's because he expects so much from our producer hank like anytime we bring up the patriots if hank doesn't do an adequate job defending julian edelman and the Patriots Julian will be like yo you got to talk to Hank you got to talk to him he's but I need more out of he was nervous with you guys he was like fuck they're so good I don't want to I don't want to you guys or like if it was a it was a stand-up I'd bring on athletes he I mean I'm nervous with the athletes right yeah I'm like holy shit Kurt Warner hates my guts oh well he's a gr grumpy guy i can't stop making jack off jokes to him because i know it's gonna make him uncomfortable and i just kept doing it and and he was like just looking at me like no yeah no yeah he definitely jacks off yeah yeah but gloves probably yeah he's probably got his old gloves on dome yeah yeah kurt kurt is a big dome guy he's like football should.
He's like, football should never be played in the elements. So he gets very grumpy with that online.
He's a grumpy guy. Yeah.
Not my type of dude. No.
So, all right. So meeting all those athletes, who was your favorite one that you got to interview? Eli was awesome.
I'm a Giants fan. So Eli's, the Mannings are just great.
So I'm wondering this because I feel like we obviously were living in New York for seven years. We were around a lot of Giants fans, worked with a lot of Giants fans.
For, you're what, 37? Yeah. Yeah, so you're our age.
For Giants fans under 40, is Eli just like a god? Yeah. I mean, anytime they compare Daniel Jones, I'm like, Eli had a fucking arm.
Right. What are you talking about comparing Daniel Jones? Jones actually plays like the way racists talk about black quarterbacks.
All he can do is run. It's weird to see a white dude.
I'm like, oh, that's like, this is weird to watch. I have a hard time watching him.
This is the point I have a hard time watching Daniel Jones. He was at the Comedy Cellar one night, and I was like, I don't even care.
Oh, no. That's a bad level that he's my starting quarterback.
You're not nervous. I didn't care.
Eli, I was nervous. I love Eli.
Yeah. And I loved him through the bullshit, too.
Because I, you know, I mean, who did we have before? Kerry Collins? Right. You know, we just never.
And we had Kurt Warner. Kurt Warner, right? But it's funny because we, outside of New York, think of Eli as kind of like a running joke just because he is funny.
Like, he obviously, the two playoff, the two Super Bowl wins, incredible, played out of his mind. But the Manning face and just his, like, his look on Sunday Night Football, like, it's etched in my brain, Eli Manning's, like, open-mouth look against, like, the Cowboys on Sunday Night Football.
And then when you talk to Giants fans of a certain age group, they're like, Eli's our goat. Like he is.
We love him. Yeah.
I mean, because he won twice. It's insane.
To beat Brady twice is the most insane. It's insane that Brady should have, what, nine Super Bowls? I know.
I know. That's insane that Eli.
And also Eli was just money in the playoffs. I mean, we had great players, but Amani Toomer was clutch.
Burris was clutch. Yeah.
Brandon Jacobs. The entire defensive line.
I also love that Eli has the bragging rights over Brady way more than his brother does. I know.
So even though like Peyton Manning, much better quarterback than Eli, at the end of the day, the two brothers, like this dude actually beat the goat twice. It's insane.
I remember the second time I was like, well, we're not going to, it's not going to happen again. I was watching with Boston fans and I was just like, I don't know why I did this to myself.
And by the end of the game, that Manningham catch, I was like, are you fucking kidding me? That might be one of the best pass catches like in Super Bowl history. He dropped it in a bucket.
I also think that towards the end of his career, especially when he was teamed up, it was like McAdcadoo and eli and the cameras would just cut back and forth between eli's dumb face and mcadoo's dumb face it was like the height of comedy as a football fan and you kind of lose perspective of oh yeah well this guy actually had two of the most clutch performances of all time in the super bowl yeah and it wasn't just a super bowl i mean he would go through good teams to get i mean we went through like you know the Packers in Lambeau we went through you know Dallas I mean Romo famously choked constantly but you know Eli was and look the defense was insane too yeah yeah all right so your comedy is fantastic thank you you've been doing it for a while now and you're I are you at a like I'm starting to blow up point because i'm always curious about comedians there's so many really great comedians and for some some don't it never happens but then when you watch it happen it's like this is awesome this guy's really funny he's finally getting everything he deserves you know it's you you stay humble because you get humbled so easily right yeah i'll get a taste of like taste of like, holy shit, Chicago Theater. This is epic.
But you never can, something will always happen to keep you down here. There's nothing.
I remember I used to tour. I used to open for Amy Schumer like years ago and it was on her arena tour.
So it would be like, I'd be opening an arena. This doesn't belong to me.
This is Amy's tour. Right.
But you start to feel it like, holy shit, I'm looking at Kyleyle lowry's face right toronto and then i'm doing jokes right and then the next night you're in the village lantern and you know in the west village for seven grumpy people so it's like it's the weirdest turnaround uh but yeah but now it's my tour and it's uh yeah you get taste yeah but then also every once in a while like certain cities just suck for comedy oh tell us Miami I've heard Miami's the worst Miami's tough and uh geez it's like I was in like some shitty like old school venue it was like Fontainebleau yeah it's like they're like this is where Sinatra performed I'm like cool you haven't renovated it since then it looks like shit uh you know so that was brutal they don't care like right you want like working class like orlando or tampa people you don't want miami where they like they're vapid they suck that's what big j okerson said he said ohio is the best place to do comedy ohio is good columbus is great cleveland's great yeah uh cincinnati yeah they're they're like real people that's right you want people with like jobs who have to think i mean mi people, it's like they post pictures of their ass for like a living. Yeah, they don't want to laugh.
That's not like a comedy crowd. Yeah, they're the type of people that would go to a show and get real pissed off.
They got made fun of. If a comedian was doing crowd work.
Yeah. Like, I don't want to expose myself to that.
That would really hurt my Instagram. Yeah, don't make fun of my plastic surgery.
Yeah, it looks fine. I spent a lot of money on this.
Yeah. Yeah, you want to...
It was just a bad gig. It was a bad venue.
But yeah, certain... Vegas can be tough, but also Vegas can be really fun.
Right. The Vegas locals are awesome.
Yeah. It's like the transplants.
The people that are passing through are tough. Yeah, that's a weird move, too, to go to Las Vegas and then go to a comedy show.
I know. I'm going up against Adele.
I'mele i'm like why may it's also when you're in vegas one of the weird parts about being in vegas is you're surrounded by a bunch of people who in their head they're walking around being like i have to have the best time of my life i know so whenever there's something that isn't the best time of my life you're like i'm wasting vegas it's in that expectation yeah year-round New Year's energy. Right.
It's tough. Right.
And I feel that way too.

I'm like, I better fucking, this better be great.

And then you're crushed.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So when you're opening for Amy Schumer, or if you're serving as the opening act, do you

like tailor your jokes based on like, hey, this audience is an Amy audience.

I don't know if they're going to like certain things that I say.

No, I don't.

You just got to do your thing.

Unless they'd say, don't do that.

I remember I was opening for Aziz once years ago. It was like right when the Me Too stuff happened.
And I did like 15 minutes of Me Too jokes. And he was like, hey, can you not do that? And I was like, yeah, that's a fair note.
In retrospect, like the Me Too thing with Aziz, that was some bullshit, wasn't it? Yeah. Like he had a bad date.
It was published on babe.net. Yeah.
This wasn't exactly a legitimate news source taking him down he had an awkward he had an awkward hookup one night yeah it's hard to separate there was there were some good things that obviously happened because there were some real fucking scumbags that got brought to the light but then you think of like remember there was like an excel sheet that like was like these are bad people and it's like wait what you can't just like anonymously just submitting bad people to an excel sheet the bad people are the ones that usually stay down Right. You know, it's like, wait, what? You can't just like anonymously just submitting bad people to an Excel sheet.
The bad people are the ones that usually stay down. Right.
You know, it's like because they don't have anyone being like, nah, he's cool. Right.
Right. Harvey Weinstein.
We got Weinstein. Well, he was.
That was an exception. I liked him.
Other than that. Yeah.
Yeah. All right.
So I always am curious to this. Comedians, for the most part, I feel like aren't the biggest sports fans.
I love sports. Yeah, no.
It's like you and Shane Gillis and Joe List. Yeah, Joe Burr is obviously.
Yes. Bill Burr is a huge, huge sports fan.
But do you feel like I don't understand it. There's a lot of comedians that just don't care about sports.
Do you feel like the odd man out when it comes to it it because we have a bunch of comedians on and there's some that we can talk sports like you're you we can talk sports with but there's a lot that like they don't even watch it because they're just on the road or whatever for me that's like why i mean if i'm you know when you're doing club weekend starting out as a comic it's thursday through saturday so i get off stage i get tnt late game inside the nba the best show on tv. Right.
No, I need it on the road. It's like I'm itching for basketball season.
Yeah. So you're Knicks fan, obviously.
Huge Knicks fan. Have you gotten kicked out of MSG yet? Are you on James Dillon's shit list? No, I'm playing MSG theater November 4th.
So I'm going to stay on his good side. All right.
So we're going to say good things about James Dillon right now. Being with us right now might get you kicked off.

Really?

We're not allowed there.

What?

Yeah.

I was at the Oakley game with Michelle Wolfe.

That was a tough one.

I've been to some rough ones.

I was at Stavros and I were at the game where fucking Porzingis tours ACL.

Oh, no.

Yeah, we should have mentioned Stav and the sports fans.

Huge sports guy. Yeah, Stav and I went to the Liberty game the other night we're we're huge we're huge basketball guys they got next they're fucking awesome yeah do you get do you go up on the jumbotron they put me on to just zero applause some lesbian artist went on before me and it like brought the house down and then they're like here's a guy uh here's a comedian and everyone's like who who gives and stav got recognized as the fat dude from the bear i was like that's not him that's not who stav versus they were uh i could see stav going on the jumbo trying a wmba game he does like the pussy no we want we want to stay on their good side at barclays because they got carbbone down there.
Oh, yeah, that's true. Get that spicy rigatoni.
Yeah. So the Knicks, it's funny because we, like I said, we lived in New York for seven years.
I didn't fully understand until this last year, year and a half. I was like, oh, yeah, like the Knicks do kind of run this city when they're good.
It's been a long time, though. Are you? I'm in, though.
This team, man, like we're just a piece away i i love jalen brunson so fucking much he's the best he's so new york even though he's not new york exactly his energy is just like chill it's he's a floor general right i love him uh randall's getting killed for just he just has got to be better in the playoffs but i think he really was hurt this time it's just sometimes we get it's body language for New York. Right.
Like when he's kind of moping, we're like, we don't respond to that. You got to, like, look at Jimmy Butler.
You never see that dude moping. What about Tibbs? Do you like Tibbs? Yeah, he's great.
I mean, he's another, like, that dude's never fucked a woman without, like, paying for it, clearly. And I mean that because he's not putting in the work.
Right. He's watching game tape and then he's like i'll fuck a hooker or something you know he's so committed to just basketball i feel like he has no life no basketball it's just transactional it's like us for eating lunch he's like okay i got 20 bucks in my pocket all right you can get a hammer real quick get that he looks at coming as being like an impedance to his work life yeah exactly like he he it's like the pop thing where you think greg povich wants to go on like a fucking date no i i mean he's just he's just all basketball so yeah i love tibbs he's part of that 90s culture you know with van gundy and all those guys so yeah i love i love this team i love the young guys the yeah tibbs is he's i i just envision I just envision every night Tibbs, he's not coaching basketball.
He's just sitting with like an old low main carton and like pointing to the TV like I found something. Like I found a hole in this defense.
Like I got it. Yeah.
That's it. Yeah, no, I love him.
I'm not really intimidated by a lot of the – I mean, I guess the Sixers have nursed now, but I don't trust Philly. I don't, I mean, Harden is just- Max is a Philly guy.
I'm sorry, dude. Yeah, Harden is just like, he just bugs me at this point.
He just like- He sucks. I don't like, he's in shape now though, which is like what you, he actually got it finally right.
What you do when you want to get a new team is you don't get fat. It's like the end of a relationship.
It worked for him. I know, but it's like the end of a relationship.
You don't fucking let yourself go when you're looking for a new suitor. That's not how you do it.
But he always gets fat as shit. And I'm like, no, you get ripped.
Yeah. So you can get moved.
Yeah. At this point, my theory on Harden is that I don't think he wants to win the playoffs.
No. I think he looks at like the extended playoff season as being like, okay, well, now I'm i'm not eating now i'm not going to strip clubs like and it actually kind of makes sense from if you're not like a super competitive person if you don't give a shit about rings yeah why do you want to do more work for less money you don't even get paid as much if you're hardened let's just get out of here it's been a long year it's summer he doesn't care about legacy the way it seems a guy like dame does yeah dame wants that it's funny for years dame is all about like you know it's like i'm staying here and then the second they just are like they clearly don't give a shit about when now he's like get me the fuck he just became that was the biggest 180 i've ever seen well dame it felt like was the last guy in the world to realize that franchises don't care yeah like he was like oh shit they don't actually care about yeah right building a contender around me i'm furious that happened because i i'm still i still think janice is gonna end up on the knicks oh so are you so you one of those knicks fans that every player you're like no not every nick i did janice's benefit i did uh i performed at his benefit got a fucking applause break from mayor adams on a magic johnson aids joke which i was like someone fucking get that on camera that was that was epic but uh but uh yeah i did his benefit i talked to him i tried to get stav to go it's his favorite player ever ever yeah so stav i'm like dude just it's the rainbow room just like wear a suit or something and and he's like i don't have any nice clothes i was like you're a fucking millionaire you don't have one dress shirt you can't get like one and he's like i can't i'm sorry but then i sent him a video with the honest and he was so fucking upset oh man but i i asked him uh because yannis after the benefit was like you a bucks fan i was like fuck the bucks i'm a knicks fan i said i respect your team i like your players i like holiday and portis and all those guys but no i'm a knicks fan he goes well you never know where i end up next free agency and his brother kind of was like nodding they want to be in new york yeah but now it's like they can't because they got damed so you you don't have the excuse but they lack the depth now so say there is an injury i'm not hoping for an injury that's horrible horrible.
But, you know, Middleton, that guy has not stayed healthy.

He's a great player when he's healthy.

But it's hard to root against as a basketball fan because I love both those players.

But I think we still have a shot.

Are you a Yankees fan too?

I am.

Okay, yeah, because that's like a very Yankees fan behavior.

Any good player, they're like, pinstripes three years.

It's different.

No, it's different though because the Yankees fan is out of arrogance. Any good player, they're like, pinstripes three years.
It's different. No, it's different, though, because the Yankees fan is out of arrogance

and the Knicks fan is out of desperation.

Right, right, right.

Because we never get the guy.

Right.

We never get the first.

When's the last time we got a first overall pick?

Ewing?

Yeah.

And also, I feel like Instagram kind of ruined the allure of going to New York

because it used to be like, well, in the 80s, 90s, like, hey,

we got to go to New York. That's where all the women are, the hot women.
like there's a ton of people now it's like well you can find hot women anywhere anywhere well you could get them to fly to you that's you find them online and then be like hey why don't you come on over to indiana i think there are hot women everywhere there are but the flying the women out is a roll of the dice i don't know that's who are you fucking bukowski that's a that's that's a ballsy move flying them out oh yeah what if you don't what if they look off what if the pictures are off i think you have a a buffer a middleman that's what lebron probably talent scout yeah probably yeah you just have someone like meet him before you meet him maybe yeah like a uh above board jeffrey epstein right like if he wasn't if he wasn't a pedophile he's just taking down your information in case there's an emergency that is i guess that's how you do it yeah that would stress me out though just on the road with a stranger it would be the worst because you'd be like all right now can you leave like i want my own room that's why tib says it right yeah yeah that's how you have to do it i think if you're a pro i yeah i think you can't just because you're putting in any work any any small talk. You're like, you're cutting into now I get five hours of sleep.
Right now. I'm tired for practice.
Right now you got to leave. Yeah.
So Eli was flying women out. I don't know.
I don't think so either. Eli feels like Eli would probably bum me out if any controversy came out about him because he does feel like wholesome.
Yeah, he is very wholesome. There was that one time where uh the giants equipment manager was like taking helmets and throwing them down the stairs and then taking them and be like yeah these are game worn yeah and then selling them online they got a little bit of trouble for that but that's such a funny move for the equipment manager just like take a bunch of shit and just beat the hell out of and be like yeah this happened in an nfl game now it's worth three hundred thousand dollars isn't that what john andres got canned for with the knicks yeah and then there was also didn't strahan have something weird happen strahan had didn't he have he had like something stolen from him like his uh uh like a hall of fame jacket yeah but then he's like it wasn't i don't know back yeah that was weird yeah memorabilia in uh new york athletes something weird's going on someone's got to look into that yeah someone's got to dig into that uh i don't want this to come across the wrong way but i have a question about comedians lifestyles sure when you do start making money is there a part of you that feels like a sellout where you're like as a comedian i should be living in like a shitty apartment and like nothing in my refrigerator and like you know a little box tv in the corner because that's where comedy comes from i do think that with struggle comes material right sure yeah there is a problem but the good thing about new york is even if you're making a lot of money you're still kind of living in the shithole you're still kind of pissed off all the time yeah i mean i've been living in this apartment for the last year there is section 11 drilling on my window okay it's been i can't be home so i'm i'm in a constant state of irritation uh there's you know fentanyl heads running around the neighborhood even in nice neighborhoods i i think new york keeps you cranky yeah yeah okay that's a good answer because i do it's kind of like in music like the first album's always the best because that's the the rise and the struggle yeah with comedy usually you put your first special out like after a long it should be a long time how long was it for you probably 10 years wow and then i put out one usually every couple years now so what was it for 10 years you're like i'm not ready i'm not ready yeah it's tough i and then one comic finally convinced me he's like you're scared you're scared to like let go of it and he was right.
So I let it go. And then you have to start from scratch as a nobody.
That's the hard part is when you're doing these papered rooms, free tickets on Syracuse Funny Bone, whatever. And they're not there to see you.
So they don't give a fuck about you or respect you. And they have no financial investment.
And you have to do new material and build. That process is not easy for people who don't give a shit about you right so so that was that's the hardest hour for me the second hour what about so when you were deciding to do your special was part of it like you didn't want is there something in the in the comedian world where like you can't have a special too early because then it's like this guy thinks he's a hot shot i mean maybe but also just more for me i was like i just don't want people to think i don't want the first taste of me for people to get to be like i'm fascinated with the the comedy world and all the comics like friends enemies like i've always said that if there was a woge of the comedy world it would be incredible the shade room for comedy yeah be like samurrell saw this guy the other

night and they had beef and like i think they do have that but it's just no one gives a shit oh okay like maybe i'm off yeah i think like in sports you're like holy shit dame but yeah no one no one gives a fuck about me and stav yeah if this is like the uh the marin podcast and he's like who are your guys who would your guys be well starting out you know like all the obvious like chris rock was huge for me david tell um david tell is so funny and i feel like the next generation it does not understand how funny how naturally funny that guy is because he hasn't had i don't know maybe you can correct me but like when i was growing up he was all over comedy central doing every show insomniac was fucking hilarious when he would just go out at night but i feel like he hasn't had that same staying power, or at least I haven't seen him as much recently. But to me, he's one of the greatest comedians ever.
Well, he's got a new special in the can, and so we'll see where he puts it out. But yeah, he did one a few years ago with Jeff Ross.
It was really funny. But yeah, Dave, he doesn't release a lot into the world, and I don't think he's like an internet guy, but knows that dave is like you know a comedy jedi is a genius yeah he used to take me out to open for him and you just like learning so much watching him you know how he handles a crowd he like he would bring me out on stage at the end of riff with me and as a young comic you're like this is fucking unfair yeah like you feel like you're literally playing like one-on-one with jordan because he just finds the angles before anybody.
He's so quick. I remember we were leaving Tarrytown Music Hall once.
And he's driving me back. And he was like, man, he just hates his act.
All these comics have this self-esteem. And he hates his act.
And he's leaving. He's like, I fucking suck.
I'm a hack. And I said, you're all of our favorite comics he goes well i'm better than you guys that's great so who are your guys now though who's your like my friends are my guys i mean like you know stavros mark normand i do a podcast with mark and i we're open micers together mark is so far joe list uh you know that's like my rachel feinstein's a really close friend of mine those are like that's like my uh gary veder i do the road with super tight you know that's my that's like my crew of comics kind of i guess that's like my my group yeah julian edelman julian yeah he's tried to be a comic before he's had well he had some sketch comedy uh videos that he put out burger time burger time oh i haven, I haven't seen that.
You got to watch Burger Time. I'll watch it.
Yeah. Dude, he was funny.
He's a funny guy. Yeah.
I love the guy. I think his body's too good to be a comedian.
You can't have a six pack. It's true.
Is there any comedian out there that you respect in terms of their comedy, but is like shredded up? It's tough. Because as you said, the more good shit you have, the more it's taking away from how funny you are.
Like, remember that season on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia when Mac just got fat as shit? Yeah. It's undeniable.
He was just funnier. Yes.
Right. The grosser you are, it is.
Right. I'm not saying you should get fat to be funny, but, like, there was, like, a line where, yeah, the more, because you're alienating dudes, think right the better you now you're a threat yeah yeah isn't there like some really hot comedian that's blowing up right now matt reif is very attractive yeah very good yeah because it is i think there's just a a natural world like world order where it's like hot guys shouldn't be funny guys because then you have it all i mean yeah i think there's people make rules but you know i mean whatever like who makes the line like i guess some people are like bugged but when you know i have friends who are like well ryan reynolds is funny but he's not like comedian comedian funny right you know people try to make rules but i'm like i don't know deadpool's pretty funny yeah yeah it's like when people say athlete funny you're like oh yeah he's athlete that's what blake griffin's great griffin he's tall he used to be able to dunk and he's hilarious yeah that's the the ultimate three right there yeah yeah and he's a cool dude he's a very cool guy yeah he's what how many times you won Blake of the year two times two times like your winner on this show yeah so it's pretty pretty big stuff it's pretty high territory uh okay so you're on you're on the road you're doing a whole tour how long is this tour that's the other thing i don't understand about comedians maybe this is just like a tom scur burt uh deal who we're friends with but like their tours never end i don't understand me neither i just you know i did this for so many years when it was awful that now people are like you're on the road a lot i'm like yeah but it's good now right it's fun you know it's like yeah i did it when it was i did it when i was like a crackhead in uh i i didn't realize how bad the places i was getting put up were until i i had a female comic i was like oh yeah it's a good hotel and she called me like there are meth heads passed out against the window it's a motel yeah and i was like oh yeah i guess i thought that was nice yeah that's how easy i was but uh yeah no i i never ends i do it every week yeah chicago theater i mean that's have you done the chicago theater i did it as an opener i never i've never headlined it that's awesome i'm pumped that's so i take my last special in chicago i love i love it here yeah taping a special are you are you going into the performance like is there any additional pressure is it like an athlete in the playoffs is there like special speed where you get on stage you're like this feels different because i know it's a special that that's a good question i mean um no because i taped seven i did it at the den which was only like 350 seats so i did seven shows and i got drunk after every show so i was like i'll get one of them you know i mean it's like if you have seven you know chances to get one good performance yeah i'm gonna get it yeah all bars generally taste the same, but not one bars.
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I know. So people, I do feel like they see me at my worst, you know, because I'm just fucking, the amount of times I've been like sprinting for a connect flight and they just like shut the door in my face.
You know, you're like, you're going to lose it. You're like, that's a fucking gig I just lost.
Right. What's the longest you've gone in between shows? Have you taken time off from comedy? I took like my first vacation this year.
I don't do it really. It's very hard for me because I like what I do.
So it's hard to. And also the fear of when you shut off, just shutting it back on is so painful.
It's just I feel rusty. I hate feeling rusty.
I ran into Chris Rock on the street recently. And he's like, you take a vacation? I was like, yeah, I took a vacation.
He goes, even LeBron needs an offseason. Chris Rock, words of wisdom.
He always finds the shortest way to just say, all right, I should take a vacation. So I did.
I went to Greece. I did shows on the way in London.
You're addicted. I love it.
It's good, yeah. I love doing it.
I mean, that's like like us with podcasting we've been doing it for a long time now but like when we take you know we'll take like a week off for july 4th and i'll just be sitting at home being like man i wish i could talk about some sports like something will happen and we'll be like fuck nba free we want to talk how your brain now it's how your brains work right yeah right and it makes i mean it's why we have the best job why you probably would say you have the best job because you love doing it that much it's awesome it's been so hard for me to shut off but then every comic is like you have a problem you know you don't but i i really don't oh do they think you're addicted to comedy i have a mark norman and i we are told constantly like you guys gotta like stavros will yell at me he's like if you are if you take this gig New Year's in Springfield Missouri I'm gonna fucking kill you and uh I'm playing Springfield Missouri it's like I got them the acts the action I don't like performing on New Year's Eve so I got him to the 28th through the 30th I don't like I don't like New Year's Eve crowd so come out Springfield Missouri yeah I just was like I, he gets so angry at me because I used to have a fucked up neck, and he was like, you are killing your body. Yeah.
I don't know how athletes do it. I think about that all the time.
Like, just the flying, because even on those private jets, if you're seven feet, that's not comfy. I see the pictures of Team USA, and it's like, they're sleeping like this.
Yeah, I know. That's not good.
I know. It can't feel good.
No, that's what the live tour is awesome because they just rent. They have this jet that's like, I don't know, probably like a $700 million plane that's got fully reclinable beds.
It's part nightclub, part hotel on there. They put out a ridiculous video when they first got all the golfers to join.
It's like, oh, I think they just might want to sleep. They just might want some downtime.
That's cool, though, being addicted to you you're addicted to comedy so you don't even think like you you're it's not even in your uh like far off vision of like maybe someday i'll retire oh god no no i think don rickles and joan rivers and danger feel like that's the dream is right the fact that you could uh just go till the end yeah you know i mean it's it's so cool i love that rickles would like literally go out in the wheelchair and be like look at this ugly fucker anything cool than that you're hanging on by a thread and you're still just insulting people i love it danger field too there's this old clip of danger field where he's like just bombing he's like gotta be 80 and he's bombing in vegas and they're just like you're like oh fuck guy lost his fastball and then he just like he turns it on and it's like one line or one line and he starts killing and he just kind of like arrogantly is like i know a lot of fucking jokes it's just such a cool moment that's i saw the uh there was the carol burnett special that happened like three months ago that's got to be kind of weird though if you're a very old comedian and basically they're doing your funeral for you while you're still alive like it's nice it's nice to see this but like somebody spent two million dollars putting on a show to like thank me for everything i gotta think in the back of my head like i'm probably gone like i've got months i've got months after this but how nice is that they do your funeral while you're still alive yeah they did in seinfeld special it's the everyone uh is taking his jokes at the funeral it's like who gets the bits yeah i love that yeah it's good no it's true we've we've had problems with that or no wait we oh yeah we did have problems with that we had john cena on once and we he had there was a rumor out there that he uh had died and we're like how cool is that that for like a day people thought you died and he just shut it down he's like it's not funny a friend of mine died and we're What? Yeah. A friend of mine died? Yeah, no.
He was wearing like a superhero outfit at the time. And it was over Zoom.
We're like, it's got to be cool to have people saying all these nice things about you. Because they think that you're past away.
But then you get to come back and be like, no, I'm still alive. You get a little glimpse as to what your funeral is going to look like.
He's like, I know what you're trying to do right now. And I just want to say, I don't think it's very funny Wow.
And he's got these big-ass gloves on in the camera for the superhero. It was a record scratch.
Yeah. We've had those moments before because we've been doing it for – Who else was like a weird not vibe with? Dan Marino was pretty bad.
Oof. That was also our fault.
We were in the back of a van Super Bowl week, and he was just like, who the fuck are – because I think it's gone in phases because when because when we started obviously it was like who the fuck are these guys now I think most people know what part of my take is before they come on but we'll get a few every now and then can we can we just say yeah we could believe oh is he bad yeah first of all I don't think he's a very good interview from what I've seen yeah and then we had him on the show and we came in hot on him and we're like you know a lot of people say you'll never win a championship blah blah blah blah blah we might have said things like that before we're trying to like joke about it and make it okay right up front we've said these things now make fun of us and he just shut down he was giving like one word answers for everything and he was trying to promote a book which is weird so he didn't he didn't like it yeah because i i'm a big believer like we'll have people on that we've talked shit about and i want to say hey i've talked shit about you because it would be such a fraud move to have someone on and just pretend that we haven't talked shit about them that's true most people for the most part know what we do and they know that the shit that we're talking is not serious and we give ourselves more shit than we give anyone else. So it's like, have some fun with it.

Like, bust your own balls.

So, but yeah, sometimes it backfires.

I could see him not being fun.

We definitely have people on our podcast who are like,

oof, do you fucking hate us?

Like, we're trying.

What's the worst one you've done?

Al Franken was really tough.

Oh, yeah, I could see that.

And it's like, we were like very much defending him.

We're like, ah, you got fucked.

And I think he just like every joke, he'd be like, you know,

he would like, we would make jokes and he'd be like, try the veal i'm like that's i guess that's your way of calling us corny or something try the veal yeah but he just like didn't he didn't like us he got that senator mentality where he's like above comedy now yeah it's so weird i think it's also like old snl just the ego is like i fucking i was on that was real comedy yeah mean, when we were growing up, it's like SNL was the pinnacle of everything. If you wanted to make it in comedy, you got on SNL, boom, you're good.
You're like minted at that point. Now I don't think that that's the case anymore.
I don't think that there's that many people that grow up in comedy that look at SNL as being like the destination. I couldn't name more than one cast character.
Oh, you could name, you know him if you saw him. It's just like, it's also been, you know, Strike too That's the crazy thing But you know, Michael Che and Colin Joseph Oh yeah, okay, yeah, yeah But yeah, you're right There's just a million different shows now So SNL growing up I mean, I would watch the Comedy Central reruns And it'd be like Sandler and Spade and Farley And, you know, Meadows and all those guys but now they're going up against a million shows i think it's just a a broader landscape now has podcasting helped your comedy a lot because i feel like listening watching comedians then they have a podcast and it's a funny podcast it's like it just they all blow up from that yeah doing each other's pod i think helps but it's weird now too we're like i feel like back in the day they'd be like we go on carson twice and we were famous and now you're like cool i did 900 podcasts i did and i got four tweets and two of them were in astoria you made me fucking travel for it uh yeah no it definitely helps i also i'm very conscious of like creative energy burnt you know because i

used to write all day i used to like i'd be like new jokes new jokes and now you just have other shit i guess that's that's a good thing it's part of you're busy things are going well yeah but uh stand-up is always for me number one and i always like i got into stand-up when i started stand-up there were no podcasts so i was like i'll be like a gary shandling type of guy i'll make a sitcom and now sitcom would like

that could like hurt your momentum

it's weird

yeah podcast so i was like i'll be like a gary shandling type of guy i'll make a sitcom and now sitcom would like that could like hurt your momentum yeah comedian it's weird yeah sorry i took out my phone i wasn't texting i was paying my parking which i've gotten like six tickets which is like two weeks what's your writing process like if you're coming up with new material for a stand-up set are you like dedicating certain hours like okay starting at 10 a.m i'm gonna a room. I'm just going to write.
Or do you go somewhere? Do you need to be like inspired by something? Well, no, I wish I knew. I will listen to a set and I'll be like, that joke is not finished.
That joke doesn't, you know, it has legs, but I haven't cracked it. So sometimes I have a joke that's like two thirds.
It doesn't have like that third pop I want. I want like at least three good pops pops and you want that last part to really be like oh okay but uh so i'll edit before writing is more like i'll just be walking around if something falls in my head right and i'm like that's something i'll go back to it i'll take a note of it i go back and i i start to just try to it's all in a word doc i just try to punch it up what's the what's the joke that's pissed off the most people oh that's a good one okay well this is uh this one pissed people off and my fucking what's great is uh oh okay first one this bombed fucking insanely hard in boston this years ago it was right after the boston bombing and uh yeah already not good it's at my comedy central half hour and i said uh you know and i saw that i was i was devastated my first thought was me and my brother we don't do anything together anymore you know crickets and then uh it's a good joke yeah it's solid and then the last one another one so i was, we try to be healthy on the road, mostly like basketball.

I mean, we drink at night, but during the day you'll like exercise.

And so we went to, for whatever reason, we're like, we'll do hot yoga today. We'll mix it up.

We did a yoga.

We'd never have done it.

So we go and the instructor recognized me and she goes, do you want to tell a joke in

a fucking yoga class?

And I'm like, of course not.

I just like looked at Brian, who's my tour manager. And and he and he's like gives me a look like i got this and i was like i don't know what the hell that means this is the joke he tells to a room full of women it's an old this is the bit that would get me shit he goes uh so my friend's girlfriend just had a miscarriage in the shower and i was like oh my god worst baby shower ever he tells it to a room full of women no one fucking laughs there was a uh there was one black dude who goes oh shit that's fucked up that was the most we got but uh no one laughed and uh afterwards i was like dude what the fuck he was like it's your joke i was like i don't open with it yeah right that's a delicate subject you got to earn that joke so that one would piss people off oh you know what one would upset people uh i said you know uh this was an old one this uh my i was talking to a girl she goes i need a man who will treat me like a princess so i hired the paparazzi to chase her and she died in a car crash groan yeah groans yeah those funny though yeah they're fun yeah but you just for a late crowd yeah right right do you have one that's like one that a joke that you've written that you absolutely love but when you tell it people don't appreciate as much they should you know what those jokes usually are is if they're if they're personal and you think something is funnier but to them it's dark i think it's like comics will get angry sometimes when a crowd doesn't like that.
But I think the crowd actually likes you and feels bad. Right.
But we hate that. So, yeah, I had one about my biological father who, when he left, and my dad who raised me, my stepdad, when you adopt a kid legally, you need the signature.
So my joke was it's kind of like the opposite of a ups package you're like hey you sign here and i don't want this never hit i think it made people sad yeah it's a hard line to walk between like that's funny and that's just funny to me right right because they don't feel yeah they're like i'm not gonna laugh at that that's fucked up it's like no but i'm laughing at it yeah that was a tough one yeah there's a few where you're like that one is so close but it's not it's it's something missing yeah yeah is there like a uh an mj lebron debate amongst stand-up comedians like who's the goat well i think yeah it's not like generational like that it's more like prior and carlin i think i think louis to some degree has entered that debate i think louis the amount of specials he's put out is is pretty insane right and and just the quality is so high but you know I think what with what happened with him he was kind of out of the mainstream conversation but comics don't give a shit about that like do you think the Grammys know anything about fucking stand-up like no no no you know we don't care about awards right although I think he did win he won a Grammy yeah yeah yeah so that was a bad example but I think usually they're like they just kind of go with Like, they don no, no, you know, we don't care about awards. Right.
Although I think he did win. He won a Grammy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that was a bad example.
But I think usually they're like, they just kind of go with like, they don't pay attention. But Louis is, yeah, I think he's definitely in the convo too.
Just for like sustained greatness. Longevity, yeah.
Could Carlin play in this era? Oh, yeah. I mean, Carlin was so fucking good.
You know who I think is also gets, I see some comics say he's overrated, but if we're going like guy who like, if he kept going would have been the guy, like almost like a Tupac Biggie situation is Bill Hicks. Because that guy's got five albums and he died at like 32.
Alex Jones, right? People think he's Alex Jones. Oh, yeah.
Young Alex Jones looks a little bit like Bill Hicks. Yeah, that's

a conspiracy out there that Bill Hicks just

went off the face of the earth, moved to Central

Texas, started talking about 9-11.

He would have done good Sandy Hook

jokes, so I don't think that's

him. But no, Bill Hicks had

some fucking brilliant jokes. And you know, Dennis Leary

stole a shitload of his bits.

Oh, he did? That was like a lot of the beef

is he just stole a bunch. Has anyone

stole a joke from you before?

Yeah, I mean, but it's usually like

Thank you. he stole a shitload of his bits oh he did that was like a lot of the beef is he just stole a bunch has anyone stole a joke from you before have yeah i mean but it's usually like i think a premise no it's usually like a uh like a meme person online it's like one of those like fat jew type accounts right just like i don't give a shit right and and the problem is the audience doesn't give a shit they because they just click like and move on right no one No one realizes that you labored over this premise.
Right. I had one that just, yeah, it turns into a meme.
So I get pissed. Comics are usually not dumb enough to do that.
Like the days of a Carlos Mencia are kind of numbered because he just got destroyed. Right.
Right. And it would be pretty hard now, especially with podcasts and everything.
You'd hear about it right away. Yeah.
It does kind of take balls. like it would be pretty hard now especially with like podcasts and everything you'd hear about it right away yeah it does kind of take balls like it would be kind of fun to just go and like steal an entire comics act so we have to do we have to do an hour-long like if i just went up and did like you're an entire act someone did that to ron white i think back in the day they they got into a fight with him and he opened for him and he just did his act because he knew his act i think about it like gary veter opens for me i'm like i could probably do his act yeah Speaker 1 05 005 Yeah, that's pretty funny.
Actually. Speaker 1 05 005 That's very funny.
Speaker 1 05 Yeah.

Speaker 1 05 Yeah.

That's pretty funny.

Actually.

That's very funny.

Yeah.

That's pretty funny.

Actually.

That's very funny.

Yeah.

Yeah. That's pretty funny, actually.
That's very funny. To do it in front of somebody's face.
Yeah. I like that.
I don't like doing it behind their back. It's like, here's the mic.
Have fun. It's pretty easy.
But yeah, you would get busted. I mean, look, we've all also made the mistake.
I've had friends be like, I'm like, oh, you just did. That bit's like in an old special mind.
oh fuck like parallel thought is the thing and you absorb stuff but uh yeah to do it on purpose now that the industry is kind of dead too i feel like people did it back in the day they're like i'll do this person's joke in a late night set right and i'll take off but now it's like podcasts as you said are such a big part of right what about like cover bands or tribute bands if you're just like a cover comedian and you go you do a performance if you listen this is my this is my tom waits version of that joke mitch mitch hegbird's not alive unfortunately he was a great comic but if you straightened out my hair and put like a corduroy jacket on me i feel like i could go out and tell his jokes and be maybe like one percent as funny as he is so we have to do a live set in vegas uh in our fans or it's our gambling picks yeah we're doing six long picks the person that comes in last place has to do an hour live in las vegas wow in front of a live crowd yeah when are you doing i might just feel jokes it just might be a cover night of comedy yeah yeah if you do a tribute yeah you attribute you do a tribute band session you're up front about it be like hey these aren't my jokes but i'm just gonna tell them tim dylan once told a funny story that in long long island he watched is like a rodney dangerfield cover act got in got in a fight with another rodney dangerfield cover act because he was like this is my fucking place that's two rodney dangerfields fighting yeah he dangerfield makes me so happy like that's like my guy like back to school there's not like a fun movie i i would i did uh whitney cummings is making something like regarding dangerfield so she's working with his wife so i was she was driving me to a set and she goes do you want to talk i know you love dangerfield do you want to talk to his wife and i was like fuck yes so she just calls dangerfield's wife who's like the nicest human just like a really hot younger woman that dangerfield was married to and uh on the phone she goes uh do you want to hear like a rodney story that no one ever heard and i was like please yeah apparently when he had brain surgery he was going in he was like please don't like if anything happens like all i have is my mind i need my mind i need to be sharp and then he comes out of brain surgery and the doctor's like did you call for anything up and he goes yeah 500 last week to a hole it's his first line out of fucking surgery it's like damn an unheard danger field gem he's such a he's such a class i mean that dude just i mean caddyshack there's so many great moments even meet wally sparks you know that scene where you ever see that one i've never seen that one no it's not i wouldn't say like a good movie but it's danger like he's just telling jokes he is just so funny just every time he's on the screen well he walks by this couple and they're uh making out he goes you two should go get a room then he walks by a fatter couple making it goes you two should get a warehouse like yeah perfect oh the best uh all right my last question this has been awesome everyone go see sam out on the road any so we're going to run this next week so anything coming up uh stand up live in phoenix this weekend thursday through saturday i got you know indianapolis columbus cincinnati springfield the big one is uh uh the nyc november 4th the theater mass and square garden which hopefully you still have after doing this podcast say something nice about james hey big fan yeah and uh and also uh yes australia i'm going to fucking australia and oh yes and then tampa vegas everything i'm going to literally every city as you guys said we don't stop so just take it to samorel.com i love it all right so my last question rowback question r-h-o-b-a-c-k dot com promo code take 20 off your first purchase q-zips polos hoodies jog Roback.com promo code take. Of the New York teams you root for, who's the next one to win a championship? Been a long time.
Been a decade and nine teams. Obviously, you don't root for all nine, but it's been a long time.
So who's the next? The honest question is probably the Liberty. I was going to say, you can't say the Liberty.
Okay. Well, I think they got it..
They got it. They got it.
I love their team. I love Stu and I love the whole team.
I Nescue's just a fucking shooter. I got to say, I think the Knicks will figure it out.
It's been too long. It's been too long.
Knicks before the Yankees? I guess in my heart, I just don't care. The Yankees have won so much.
I was a spoiled child of the 90s Yankees so right i'm kind of like i'm good i'm glad i'm glad to see that from a yankees fan yeah i don't care if we ever win again honestly you were great you were like the only thing in sports and i love those players i love posada and jeter and mo and and uh pett and all those guys bernie williams paul o'neill fucking amazingly cool team but i just give a shit. Baseball also lost me for so many years, just the way they horribly marketed the league.
Yeah. Thank God for Otani.
But are they going to fuck this up too? I don't know. Oh, sure they will.
So, yeah, I just got to say the Knicks are going to – they're going to find a way to get that free agent, whether it's Giannis, whoever. I don't know.
I hope it's Giannis. I hope he wasn't bullshitting me.
I'm so fucking mad they got Dame because I felt that when it happened. I was like, fuck.
Yeah. Because I know that hurt our shots, and I don't trust Embiid as the guy.
No. So I just – no offense.
I'm sorry. No, he knows.
Yeah. He's come to – I don't know that.
Yeah, he didn't do. Yeah, don't pull words in my mouth.
I just don't know who the guy is right now, if it's not Giannis, because it's clear Jokic and Giannis are the guys. Yeah.
Cooper Flagg. Maybe.
You got to get this guy. He looks nice.
He's a senior in high school, I think. Barron Trump.
He's going to be the first. Barron Trump's going to be a beast.
Yeah. Yeah.
Barron Trump. Yeah.
He's got that Latvian blood, right? We've always said the best would be Barron Trump and Bronny Jr. on the same team.
It'd be great. Bronny.
Yeah. Yeah, we'll see.
Is Bronny going to be good? Well, I don't know. I think, is he back? He had that heart thing.
He had a heart arrhythmia. It does suck having to be like, even if he's like average NBA player, which would be a phenomenal career.
Everyone would well you're not lebron james it's like being frank sinatra jr it's just not fair yeah it's not fair you gotta it's not fair you gotta change your name yeah it's something other than lebron james jr we used to hate like doing early days of the comic strip don't going up late night the comics they would let cut you just because they had a famous dude's last name and you're like fuck this motherfucker yeah but then they didn't try like that's the thing is like i think i heard gilbert arena say this he's like you it's tough to be the famous dudes even if you have the access you don't have that like hunger right right because you expect the access yeah yeah i mean a dude like you know draymond green like that's not a dude's son right it's a dude who wants to like tear your throat out right right it's true it's true well sam this has been awesome man thank you so much for making time it was awesome yeah you're always welcome back on so thank you guys thanks man sam was brought to you by sport clips we love sport clips we love it it's so nice i think memes you got your haircut at sport clips not, right? I did. I did last two weeks ago.
I'm also taking my son. We have a Sport Clips appointment this afternoon.
Love it. Love it.
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Okay, Fire Fest, wrap it up. Send everyone in to a football weekend.
Hankank get us going yes hank uh in june i found a website uh just plain white t-shirts like a little higher quality comfortable kind of like go you know not undershirts like going out just a plain white shirt big white tees yeah ordered ordered three of them like they came in a pack of three i accidentally set up for like a monthly membership that i keep forgetting to cancel and they just send you white t-shirts every month every month so i got three in june three in july three in october and i have 12 15 yeah at first i was like oh yeah i can use more white t-shirts. The last two packs, I haven't even opened them yet.

Oh, no.

And then I was trying to cancel yesterday, and it was being annoying.

I've got to remember to do it right now, actually.

But, yeah, it just comes.

I was like, oh, a package.

This is exciting.

And then it's like, fuck, more white t-shirts.

You know what?

I feel like.

And I probably spent like 200 bucks on white t-shirts.

Big white t-shirts, though, if you're going to have too much of something, and I'm just envisioning Hank wearing it. Are they big? No, they're like white T-shirts.
If you're going to have too much of one item of clothing. But also, I've worn a bunch, but then it's lame to just wear a white T-shirt.
A white T-shirt's not a bad thing to have a surplus of, though. 15, though, is excessive.
Yeah, probably. Wear it to the gym.
You're like Steve Jobs, but casual. You're just a white t-shirt mogul.
Damn, Hank. You got to get that subscription.
There's nothing better than canceling a subscription. It is nice.
It's very nice. Hank, you should just wear white t-shirts all the time and just throw them out at the end of the day.
Yeah. How big of a boss would you feel like if you did that? Yeah.
All right, PFT? Oh, that was the issue. I was trying to cancel it.
I was doing it on my phone and I logged the website. It's like, we sent a verification to your email, but you have to log out to get the verification.
So you can't. Got it.
I got to do it on my computer. Got it.
Two factor. Okay.
PFT. My fire fest.
I've got a couple. One is that me or Big Cat.
We're going to have to get... Are you okay, Big Cat? Are you sick? No, I'm not.

You sound sick.

I just had a cough.

You should go to the doctor.

I'm worried about you.

If I was, I would for the team.

I'm worried about you.

I would go to the doctor.

I don't have one, but I would.

That's the second time you cough today.

I'd find one and I'd go.

I'm just saying, put Big Cat on Cough Watch.

I'm on Cough Watch.

Okay, all right.

Cough alert.

My first Fyre Fest is that me and Big Cat are going to have to get a tattoo.

Yeah.

Really dumb idea to do a tattoo bet on this Thursday night football game. It did in like June.
Everybody in the world actively hates this game. Yeah.
It's become a big joke. I don't know if the Bears commanders, if there's anything inherently funny about those two teams playing each other.
It's not like they're really awful historical franchises in the last 20 years. Ever, forever.
It's a meaningless game pretty much. On Thursday night, the whole world hates that it's on TV, and then me and Big Cat are going to have to get our first tattoo if we lose.
Yes. Of our choosing, so we had credit to us for the foresight where we weren't like, oh, if the Bears win, you've got to a Bears tattoo or if the commanders win, I think.
We said tattoos enough. You get to choose what the tattoo is.
I might just get a birthmark. Dealer's choice.
That's not a bad idea. I did say, because somebody asked, what about a tie? Do you both get tattoos? Offhand on Twitter, I fired off a tweet that just said we will do a sex tape if it's a tie.
I didn't think about it. And then once I sent it, immediately I was like, that was maybe a worse idea than the tattoo bed.
But we're going to have to do it. We're going to have to do a sex tape.
P&A or P&M? P to P. P to P.
Docking. Yeah.
A little sword fight. Docking, yeah.
So that's Fyre Fest 1. Fyre Fest 2 is that Blake bit my penis again.
Oh, again, not on purpose.

And he was like chewing a toy, but he likes to chew on your lap sometimes because he's a big snuggler.

He's a great dog.

And he sometimes will bite your shorts, bite your arm.

And we're working on that.

We're getting better.

But he happened to bite my penis through my shorts the other day.

So no blood, no blood.

So maybe that would be the sex tape. Me and Blake going T on P for you.
Tooth on P? Yeah. Yeah, okay.
Yeah, that'd be nice. We'll take a big chunk.
Yeah, so Blake has a penis touching problem. Blake is the Mac Jones of dogs.
Yeah. Hank? No.
He's so sad. He's not good enough to hit people in their penis all the time.
No, he's not. You to like chris paul can get away with it a little bit because he's a good player until the playoffs even grace now and in college was good enough right mac jones you can't have a guy that sucks also hitting people in their dick did he get fined for that i don't know interesting yeah he got a bro fine code break code break yeah we should start sending that out man law code breaks.
Okay. My Fyre Fest, you know, it was a weird week because we were in the news a lot.
And it was, I would say my Fyre Fest is the people who went so crazy that they were like, you know, I'm going to go after your family and you and everything like that. But what if your son wants to go see Snow White? How are you going to bring? He will not.
No, no, not allowed. Not allowed.
I thought she made some really interesting. Rachel Ziegler.
That was actually a good tipping point where it's like, oh, you know, she's on that. She thinks it's not funny.
OK, then it must be funny. So but actually, it's a fire fest, crazy week that turned into a positive in that it like it was a good reminder.
I don't need people to defend me, but it was a good reminder that people have my back. And there was a lot of people who defended me and defended the fact that like this podcast is a joke as its existence is a joke.
The whole thing is a joke. So that was cool.
Yeah. My favorite my favorite article was the one that waited until like way after the giant pictures to be like and they were joking about it.
Yeah. But have to wonder like what if they weren't joking yeah what if they actually are demanding this i also i was thinking the other fire fesses that i kind of wish my only regret in the whole thing was uh i didn't have a mustache like i didn't have my beard shaved that would have been very funny yeah the mustache man overweight mustache man was demanding sex tapes yeah um but yeah whole thing was pretty crazy.
I liked all the tweets that were like, they need to just stop selling microphones to people. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
They need a test. Or the one tweet that always makes me laugh is all men should start their life in jail and prove their way out.
I like that. Yeah, I'm fine with that.
I'm cool with that. Jail sounds awesome.
Dude, jail is the ultimate man cave. Yeah.
Just spend all the time with the boys playing cards. The fellas.
Listen to music and a couple slap boxes. How did these two guys survive the Barstool layoffs? Yeah.
That's a good point. That's a good point.
Oh, it's great. There was also, there was so many threads going on in my mentions.
It's like deep people arguing. And then one guy made a great point because he was arguing with a Swifty forever and he was just like just so we're clear taylor swift has like the most insane security uh staff and everything uh because people like you not because of people like dan and it's like yeah that actually is that's probably true my other favorite were the people that were like tagging dave in it yeah saying dave how can you let this type of vulgar talk exist on your network? You need to stand up for women, Dave.

And it's like, wait, what world are we living in right now?

Well, Dave did make a good point on Pick'Em.

He said that now people are going to say, like, I like Barstool, but except for those PMT guys.

Like, Dave's one of the good ones.

Yeah, Dave is.

The whole situation has made me laugh.

It's so funny.

And, yeah, obviously the people that are, like, doing death threats towards families and stuff, those are some psychos i had some real fucked up tweets and i was just like what is going on yeah that will never do anything but the people on the internet are just they're just you know there's some weirdos out there yeah yeah weirdos they're playing basketball out there uh jake yeah well first off on that uh we're going to get the pot bouncing stopping. All right.
Yeah. LeBron tried to get an invite on Kelsey's pot, and I said, LeBron, you should come off.
Come on. And someone said, I hope the part of my take guy is dying of fire.
Oh. Something like that.
That's mean. Oh.
Yeah. That's very mean.
That's actually not that mean compared to what i've gotten but yeah so um we should give credit to lebron james lebron james went what was it 11 and 2 the part of my take creeps can die in a fire uh lebron james went 11 and 2 picking games last week he does a sunday morning games where he sits down on Instagram live. I put together a parlay.

I put 50 bucks on it.

That would have won 42,000.

He went 11 to any,

picked some underdogs to LeBron James might be the best sports

prognosticator in the world.

And he also,

yeah,

he had,

wait,

are you counting?

What was his record?

I think it was 11 and two straight up.

So you're not counting the lions that he picked.

Oh no.

Yeah.

Good point.

And say,

and the Jaguars picked the lions on Thursday night,

but he unfortunately was not able to put that pick out before the game. Yep.
And same thing with the London game. So, yeah, I think he was 13-2.
Dan LeBron was glazing. Yeah.
Yeah, he was glazing. Just because you guys are truly the kings of Northeast Ohio and I claim to be, be honest.
Seriously, you guys are awesome. Oh, yeah.
So we me on behalf of you guys, I extended the invite, but I haven't heard back yet. Okay.
You just heard that. We hope we die in our fire.
That's what the response was. We should before we finish the show.
Should we do score predictions? Because we obviously at the beginning of the show, you know what happened, but it'd be fun. A little time capsule.
Bears i think the commanders are gonna win 31 to 21 i think the bears are gonna win i actually know the bears are gonna win bears are gonna oh shut up bears are gonna win 40 to 10 40 to 10 40 to 10 that would be i'm gonna have bears are all the way back 40 to 10 i can't believe that happened earlier I'm so. 40 to 10.
I can't believe that happened earlier.

I'm so unlucky.

Damn it.

Damn you, Big Cat.

Damn your Bears.

Damn the Chicago Bears.

Max, the prediction master?

Bears 34-31.

What the hell are you guys doing?

Why are you predicting the Bears?

Bears 34-31.

Justin Fields coming out game.

Good prediction, Max.

Bears 11.

No, yeah. Commanders 20, Bears 11.
Gami. Okay.
Is that the most likely Gami that hasn't happened yet? No. 32-19, 32-26, 25-18.
32-26 surprises me. Yeah.
They seem like football numbers. Hank, someone just tagged us in a tweet.
Someone did an ai rendering of fenway with a lighthouse sick oh you've already seen it was my mistake how would i have known that lighthouse might actually work because it's close enough to the harbor right well yeah the the rendering has it like in the north end uh all right that was so stupid of me to be like hank new lighthouse dropped he's like dude i've seen that What do you think I jerked off to last night? Okay, do you think it would fit in you? That's what fit? Yeah, would it fit? That's a big one So, I did do L&A I did do a search A shopping search on Google for Lighthouse dildos that I was going to get. Well, lighthouse flesh.
They don't exist yet. They don't exist yet.
Oh, man. The technology.
Somebody could make millions of dollars making a lighthouse dildo. New kink unlocked.
Okay. Numbers.
Three. 69.
Memes, you ever gotten it? 40. Oh, okay.
Fuck you. You're such a sicko.
Memes, would you watch? Honestly. He would have to film.
Let's say that you were not involved. He would be the guy filming.
Memes, let's say you were not involved in the production of it whatsoever. You were not involved in the posting of it.
You would watch. Would you watch? I know you would.
No, that's gross. Yes, you would.
Yes, you would. Be honest.
Yes, you would. You yes you would you guys nude is gross oh yeah here's something to look at we're all gross it's true max would you watch maybe not jake but 100 percent yeah that's right any sex tape of like anyone you want to see what it is yeah anyone he said anyone anyone except for taylor swift if you hear that someone has a sex tape The first thing to your mind is

Oh I'm curious what that sex tape looks like

You wanna know what we're working with

If it gets like leaked

Yeah

Of course

Well we would leak it

Alright

Max did you guess the number?

20

Okay

50

50

Okay

We'll see everyone on Monday

We'll be in New York

Surviving Barstool

Love you guys Thank you. 50.
50. Okay.
We'll see everyone on Monday.

We'll be in New York.

Surviving Barstool.

Love you guys.

Riddle.

You.

Small.

Dr. Wayne.

Oh, yeah.

Riddle.

You.

Small. Fuego En No