NFL Week 5, Fastest 2 Minutes, The Cowboys Got Whomped, Lions Are For Real And Tons More

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
On today's Pardon My Take, week five of the NFL. Boys, I think we're starting to find out who the contenders and pretenders are.
Great week five, a lot to discuss. I just burped.
We are also taping surviving bar stool no spoilers so we're in the new york city office and we had jake memes and max right boomers for us today because we were doing a shitload of stuff during our football sunday but a great show coming uh let's see if we can maybe do a show where we don't offend the entire world.

I disagree.

Okay.

All right.

Maybe we'll offend the entire world.

What?

Talk of war?

Big demographics out there that we can really lay into.

Yeah.

Hank's right.

We could just maybe talk about the Middle East.

Okay.

Yeah.

Let's do it.

What are your thoughts on Israel?

I stand with Israel.

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

Okay.

Here we go.

We're already in it.

We're in it.

We're in it.

All right.

So, great week five. NFL.
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No place to hang out or wash in

And then I can't

Play all on the sun

Oh no

We're gonna rock down to

Electric Avenue

And then we'll take it higher

Oh we're gonna

Rock down to

Electric Avenue It's part of my take Presenting by Marshall Sports Welcome to part of my take Today is Monday, October 9th Week 5 What? What? These boomers are brought to you by The law firm of memes, Max, and Marsh The 3Ms, the Eminem boys We start in London where Zay Jones got the scoring started As he girlboss slayed his way to a touchdown But it was Etienne that had the Bills defense frightened all day.

Etienne, Etienne, I'm frightened, Etienne.

Diva Watch was in full effect

when Stephon Riggs was crying like a man leaving Pinehurst.

Jaguars 25, Bills 20.

That was a good one, memes.

We move down to the Steel City

where you can throw out the record books

when the Ravens and Steelers get together. These two teams don't like each other.
There's no love lost. Justice Pill alleviated any symptoms of butterflies from Baltimore fans entering his game when he scored an early touchdown.
Miles Killebrewski screamed, the mountains are blue, when he blocked a putt for a safety to give the Steelers some momentum. And the game-winning touchdown was scored by George Part in my Pickens Tenders.
You the plug god, Boom. I am.
I really am. The Steelers, 17.
The Ravens, 10. Off to Detroit where Samilton LaPorter told the Panthers defense, you play ball like a girl.

Carolina couldn't pickle the beast that was Jared Goff,

who was hotter than Wendy Peppercorn today, throwing for three touchdowns. In another edition of The Run, David the Jet Montgomery stole the show

by running for 109 yards and a score.

And there's no need to squint at the standings, Lions fans.

Your team safely remains in first place. Lions 42, Panthers 24.
What? What? In Miami, Devon Jackie Achan karate kicked his way into the end zone for the Dolphins. The New York football giants have their backs against the Waller, and things look pretty grim early on until Joseph Pinoc-Knock, who's there, scored on a pick six to give the G-Men life.
But in the end, Tua Donnie Darko caught the Giants defense sleepwalking and tossed the ball to Ty Greek Hill, who played Euroball when he scored a touchdown and enjoyed some cheetah bread in the end zone. The Dolphins 31.

The New York football time.

16.

We head north to Indy where Zach Amabasma said,

fuck it, I'm going to run for 165 and two touchdowns. There may be a running back controversy in Tennessee

as Derrick Henry Ford is breaking down

and Ty J, Brittany Spears is saying,

give me, give me more, give me, give me more.

Josh Clowns, it's Brittany, bitch.

Thank you. Breaking down and Ty J.
Britney Spears is saying, Gimme, gimme more. Gimme, gimme more.
Josh Clowns. It's Britney, bitch.
Josh Clowns, the Tennessee secondary as the rookie, had his coming out party that helped bury the Titans for good. The Colts 23, the Titans 12.
Someone wrote this down as Titans 12, Colts 23. What is this, Europe? That's backwards.
That's backwards. Sounds like the Colts put Tennessee in a conservatorship.
Also, I think the Titans didn't have 12. I think they had more than 12.
We head over to LA where Jalen Hey Mr. Carter, he is him, was dominating the Rams O-line.
Jalen flirts. On offense, the Eagles continue to push it.
Uh, push it.

Uh, push it real good.

Push it real good Pooper

Pooper Cup

Poopanakua

And Poopoo Atwell

We're sitting on the Eagles secondary

But it wasn't enough to take down

The Dirty Birds

The Eagles 23

The Rams, 14. In Denver, the Jets joined the Mile High Club as Bryce huffed and puffed and blew Russell Wilson.
Pause. Down.
Robert Salah was screaming Wilson, get on the ball as he let the clock run down to end the half.

Adam Mike Troutman scored despite not being familiar with October ball.

Ooh, that one hurt.

With two minutes left, Sean Payton had a real hack-it job as they fumbled the game away.

Jets 31, Broncos 21.

More like Nathaniel can hack it.

Who?

Huh?

More like Nathaniel will be jacking it to that game team. Masturbating.
Off to Minnesota. Mr.
Mr. Fizer was saying his ankle hurts.
Well, guess what? Now your back's going to hurt because you just pulled landscaping duty. Anyone else's ankle hurt? Hey, Alexander Billy Madison.
You blew it when you dropped a ball that couldn't lead to an easy touchdown. Scuba Steve Spagula dialed up a sack that sealed the game for the Chiefs.
The Chiefs, 27. The Vikings, 20.
Max Memes, Jake wrote this. Standing on a corner, Jameis Winston down in Nola, such a fine sight to see.
Foster Moreau scored in Foxborough, and yes, he's cancer-free. The Pats haven't won yet with the lighthouse at Jalowat.
And this was Belichick's worst loss yet. Saints go marching.
Saints go marching 34, Patriots 0. And that was...
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Okay, week five in the books. Thank you to Jake, Memes, and Max for writing the Boomers this week.
I said at the beginning, but we're doing Surviving Barstool this week, so we're in NYC, and we're filming a bunch of content, so it was hard to get everything done today, but so they chipped in. Great job, boys.
Thank you. Great job.
We appreciate it. Great job.
Great job. Memes, memes great job I could tell which one was written by which person yes it's nice yeah people should should you can you can submit your answer sheet tomorrow via Twitter X or Instagram or Snapchat or wherever you want to do it so week five in the books and because we've been doing all this stuff, we're taping a little bit later.

We're taping in the fourth quarter of the 49ers-Cowboys game,

and guess what?

We know who the winner is, so we can start with the Sunday night game,

and then we'll go back to the London game and go forward from there. But the Cowboys got their asses kicked.

This is a measuring stick game, and the measuring stick is directly up their ass, which is in the process of being kicked. It's a painful game for the Cowboys and for their fans.
The 49ers, congratulations to the 49ers. They won the Week 5 Super Bowl.
If the Super Bowl were played today, I say that the 49ers would win easily. I'd agree with that.
Now, we get a lot of things wrong on this podcast, but credit to us, because two that we got right. One, the fact that last week the Niners won a game handily against the Cardinals with one combined catch between Debo, Samuel, and George Kittle.
And we're like, hey, imagine when they get these guys going. That's how good the Niners are.
Well, George Kittle then had three touchdown catches tonight and looked awesome. And number two, Brock Purdy is 100 percent a top 10 quarterback.
If you disagree, you aren't watching the games. Brock Purdy is just good.
He is very good. It's time for everybody to accept it.
We did our list last week. He might even be top seven quarterback now.
He absolutely could be. Guess what? He's better than Dak Prescott.
Yep. Yeah and uh the Niners are really fucking good and they just kick the shit out of the Cowboys but my other question PFT are we sure the Cowboys are good no because again this was a measuring stick game Jerry Jones that they lost to the Cardinals yeah and they just got their ass kicked like this is as big an ass whooping as I can remember in in a while for the Cowboys in prime time and more than that their wins so they're going to be three and two after this game their wins are the jets week two that was the first week that zach wilson had to come back as a starter because aaron rogers they killed him and then they won week one against the giants and last week against the patriots the giants and the patriots might be two of the worst four teams in the NFL so who have the who have the Cowboys beaten so no one I this is where we're going to find out how good the AI Jerry Jones is because the real Jerry Jones would be down on the sideline right now he loves to do that pace the sideline a little bit stand directly behind your head coach and just stare at him yes just let him feel you staring at him for a while.
I can't wait for Jerry Jones interviews that he does where he talks about just whatever random thought pops into his head. I think it's like 105, that radio station in Dallas that he always goes on and completely throws the messaging of the team that McCarthy is trying to put out there.
Throws that out the window and then talks about circumcising a mosquito. I can't wait to hear what he says about Mike McCarthy this week.
He calls in and it starts regularly. And then he stays on for a little bit too long.
And he makes a million headlines and puts everyone on the hot seat. And Mike McCarthy.
So next week they play Monday Night Football against the Chargers. That's a game they should win if they're supposed to be one of the best teams in the NFC, which I don't know.

I think this was, and we'll get to all the other games,

but I feel like today was a day that we found out there are three really, really good teams in the NFC,

and then there's everyone else.

Yeah, so I would expect that Jerry Jones would do the vote of confidence this week.

It feels like it's vote of confidence time.

Like, Mike's our coach.

He's our guy.

We're confident that he's going to be able to turn everything around.

McCarthy's going to have to smash a watermelon before Monday night.

He's going to have to pull out some stops because whatever they did at halftime tonight did not work at all. And by the way, I'm obviously, when I say that there's three really, really good teams in the NFC, I'm referring to the Philadelphia Eagles, the San Francisco 49ers, and the Detroit Lions.
Those are the three teams right now that I would put above everyone else. Don't forget the Bears, Big Cat.
Yes, the Bears are hot. In the last two weeks, Justin Fields has thrown eight touchdowns.
Eight touchdowns. I had a stat.
I'll save it for later because the Bears didn't play today. It was nice watching football today and not having to stress about that.
It is actually kind of cool not having your team play on Sunday. That's the best.
Yeah. It's the best, especially if you win on Thursday.
Yeah, It's like free play all weekend. Yeah.
So weekends really look a whole lot brighter if your team has already gotten their win out of the way. Can I say something too about weekends? They're not as fun as they used to be, obviously for me, but I think the best time of the week is like three o'clock on Thursday because that's the moment that you have all the football ahead of you.
Yeah. And that feeling like three o'clock on Thursday is right when I've processed everything.
I have opinions on things. I have some picks in.
That is the moment that I cherish where I just sit back and I'm like, oh, all the football's in front of me. I disagree.
I think 1 45 PM on Friday is the best time of of the week i love thursday night football it's almost a weekend still a weekday though hank um but it's it's at the oh dac oh dac another pick okay now i have to get a tweet i just tweeted uh just threw another tweeted dac wilson now i have to tweet dac jones yeah just really making the rounds on this one here there we go fired it off um yeah 1, 145 is the best on a Friday because you might be a little still hungover or tired from Thursday night football that you just stayed up watching,

and you're done with your lunch.

You feel a little bit better, and you're not expected to do any work whatsoever.

And so that is the start of the weekend, in my opinion.

What was that shaking your head?

Don't shake your head.

Jim Calhoun, don't shake your fucking head.

I was watching this replay.

Yeah, so, Hank, we're going to get to your other team, but your Cowboys are down bad. Yeah, they're horrible.
Jack Jones is not good. The defense of Bandarush just got hurt.
That's not good. Yeah? It's not good.
You're going to lost for words on your Cowboys. Did you bet on them tonight? I bet on them big.
Oh, no. Against your boys? Against our boys, the Niners? Shut up.
Big? When you guys do this shit big. Well, Kittle will probably hear this.
I bet on Kittle to score a touchdown tonight. I love Kittle.
I feel good about that. No, you don't.
Every chance you have to bet against Kittle, you do. False.
Two for two in the last two. Yeah, and I'm 0 for two.
So stop doing it. You're welcome.
It welcome it's for no it's not uh

this team might make it to the division round of the playoffs they're gonna get smoked if they make it any anywhere past that yeah yeah i don't know and you can't feel any differently well they're gonna have to go on the road to start i mean i obviously we're still just in week five but the eagles look like the eagles of they've rounded back into the eagles of last year and the Cowboys, again, the Giants and the Patriots and the Jets are their three wins. That's three of the worst teams in the league.
The Jets might not be in the worst teams in the league category anymore, I don't think. I don't know if they are.
They're tough. They're tough.
But the Giants and the Patriots are absolutely in the bottom four. We were talking about how the Niners haven't played anybody, and now that win against the Steelers where they just smoked the Steelers on the road week one, 30-7, that's looking a lot better.
Well, the Niners, maybe the Cowboys are so bad, the Niners still haven't played anybody. Yeah, they haven't.
So let's see. They got next week the Browns, then the Vikings, then the Bengals.
The Niners aren't going to play anybody this year. When're that good they play the Eagles December 3rd but the Niners are in the category where it's just keep everyone healthy because their team is so fucking good and Brock Purdy I might even say he's elite he's got to win a Super Bowl to be elite but it's anyone who doesn't think Brock Purdy is a top 10 quarterback top seven quarterback you're not watching you're not watching the game bro here's what I'll say Brock Purdy is a franchise quarterback yeah he might not be technically elite just yet I look forward to having an entire offseason talking about whether or not Brock Purdy is elite if they win the Super Bowl that's going to be awesome to do but he's definitely good enough to win now what we have to start doing is next time a quarterback gets a contract extension we have to be like Brock Purdy's up next imagine what Brock Purdy's going to make yeah you have to start thinking about his money now yeah I guess what we can we the Cowboys I don't want to totally overreact but I feel like the Cow Cowboys are at a weird crossroad in not only their season, but their franchise in terms of Dak and just what, like, they have the defense, and they've just got torched tonight by Kyle Shanahan.
Torched. By the way, did you see, last thing on Brock Purdy, so they did a story about Brock Purdy having a roommate.
He still has a roommate. That's cool.
I know that he doesn't make a lot of money. He makes $870,000 a year.
That's not like nothing. Yeah, but in San Francisco, it's tough.
Santa Clara. Still, he doesn't need a roommate.
Yeah. He definitely doesn't need a roommate.
If you're young, it's fun to have a roommate. Yeah, true.
Maybe someone would take care of the house. But it's not like he needs a roommate because he can't afford an apartment.
Yeah, but I think if you're under 26, it's fine. Yeah.
I have a question for you, big cat. How would you not want to live with one of the boys? That's true.
It is fun. That's true.
Does he have a girlfriend? Yeah. Once you get a girlfriend, then the boy...
Obviously, yeah. Then your girlfriend's your boys.
It's usually a little period, too, where it's like you start dating a girl, and then your boy's like, wait, she's been sleeping over a lot. Does that mean we're not going to play Xbox till 3 a.m.
anymore? That would suck to be one of Brock Purdy's boys right now, and then he gets a girlfriend, and you've got the sweetest life ever. You're roommates with a starting quarterback in the 49ers, but you can read the writing on the wall.
It's like, oh, no, he's growing up. He's going to move out.
You have to sabotage that relationship. And you get the worst of it because he's not super rich yet.

Yeah.

You got to make sure Brock Purdy doesn't get a girlfriend until he gets a contract.

You got to get at least one year in the Mega Mansion driving sick cars.

You can't let him get a girlfriend in the next year and a half.

Oh, they're engaged.

In July.

He has a fiance.

And a roommate?

That makes no sense. Now that makes no sense.
It might just be her. She might be the roommate.
All right. I'm going to find this roommate shit.
I have a question for you, Big Cat. Yeah.
Is Brock Purdy him? Yeah, he might be. I think he's him.
Yeah. It is Brock Dober.
You don't think he's him? He's a good quarterback playing a good system. He's him.
Okay, Brock Purdy. Brock Purdy should be in the MVP conversation right now.
Brock Purdy still has? Liberal, the correct use of that word, so that's a liberal use of him. Of him? You can use him on anything.
Like Cool Ranch Doritos are him. All right, wait.
It doesn't have to be an individual. That's like saying Lays are him.
You're saying Lays are him. Lays are not original Lays.
I know. Correct.
Not him. Pringles are him.
Original Pringles, yes. Yeah, Pringles are him.
Lay's, get the fuck out of here with your Lay's. All right, Rock Purdy still has a roommate that he splits rent with and drives a Toyota Sequoia.
He and I are still splitting rent. I still drive my Toyota Sequoia.
Other than that, it's pretty simple. So wait, so he's got a fiance too? July 3rd.
Here's to forever. Oh, it might be a situation where he's not allowed to live with her until they get married Oh, so this roommate really is missing out on everything Yeah, he's getting boned Dude, you gotta get alimony, you gotta get child support, you gotta get friend support Which is ironic, because I don't think Purdy believes in boning your roommate I think that's part of the reason why he's getting engaged Okay Okay.
Let's get to the rest of the games. London game.
Jaguars 25. Bills 20.
The Jaguars are back. I don't...
I want to give all the credit to the Jaguars for playing very well. Punching the Bills in the mouth.
Their defense stood up. And Trevor Lawrence looked good.
I love the fact that the Jags are starting to run Trevor Lawrence more. It's like every time he runs, I'm like, damn, he's fast.
Yeah, you forget that watching him play because he looks so good from the pocket, but when he starts to move, you can tell he's a young quarterback. Right, and Travis Etienne was phenomenal, 188 total yards, two touchdowns.
He also played against himself in fantasy football today, so that sucks. He tweeted that after the game.
Br the game brutal uh you think he sent himself a dm afterwards being like yo fuck you what the fuck man yeah god damn it trade for himself yeah he should trade himself and trevor lawrence was eight for nine for 89 yards and a touchdown on third down very good game from the jaguars jaguars feel like they have righted the ship from their loss against the texans uh pete Prisco might be back onto the schedule, Jaguars. Jaguars feel like they have righted the ship from their loss against the Texans.
Pete Prisco might be back onto the schedule Jaguars. But this was probably one of the games that he had circled as maybe a loss.
He might have had it as a loss. They got one back.
They got one back because he had the Texans as a win. With all that said, and again, Jaguars deserve to win this game.
The Bills' schedule to go to London, which we talked about on friday made no sense no sense at all and they showed the part like they actually looked like they were sleepwalking in the first half josh allen said on friday that he felt sleepy stefan diggs called him sleepy head of course you feel sleepy like yeah they flew overnight thursday night they get to they get to london on friday morning stay up all day through the day and then try to get re-acclimated at night there's no chance that worked out for it was a very dumb decision they started the game with four straight punts 11 penalties in the game again it's the jags deserve all the credit for winning the game because they played great and they held off the bills and they also like the bills made a little rally in the second half when they woke up and the the Jags did a very good job of, like, you know, long drives when they needed it, using Travis Etienne. But, yeah, the Bills basically threw this game away with how they traveled.
So, like we talked about on Friday, what should happen is the moment you get a chance, like maybe that Monday, maybe that Monday morning, you put your guys in medically induced coma, knock them out, put them on to London time, get their body naturally acclimated, fly them over while they're all knocked out. And then you get there, you practice through the week, you use a copious amount of drugs to put them to sleep at night and wake them up in the morning.
And then you have to do the exact same when you're coming back. So I think they play Sunday night, right? So they should have.
The Sells Giants. Yeah.
Yes. So they've got a mini-buy.
They play Sunday night. Against a terrible Giants.
Yeah, so that's going to be good for them. But you've got to do the same when you're coming back now.
Do you think that McDermott's going to keep his guys over there until Thursday night and then fly them back? No, it makes sense to get them over there as early as possible in the week and not have them be sleepyhead. Yeah, and then Matt Milano getting hurt is bad.
That's very bad. They blamed it on the turf.
Ah, shit. They said Tottenham Stadium was like playing on concrete.
Oh. So I don't know where we're at because we're a grass podcast.
We believe in grass. Yeah, which we were there before the Swifties were there.
We were there. Yeah.
Yeah. Swifties.
I mean, you can join our movement if you can. But you're joining our movement, not us joining yours.
Remember that. Yeah.
But yeah, the Bills now have Tredavious White out for the year. Matt Milano looks like he might be out for the year.
Vaughn Miller did come back. But this feels like it's getting to a point where the Bills are just going to have to score 30 every game because their defense was playing great, but he is very important to everything they do.
Yeah. Jake, did you see the wild stat that happened today? The wild play? No.
Josh Allen sacked Josh Allen. Didn't it come back? Yeah, there was a penalty, but he still sacked him.
Still cool. Sacked Josh Allen, and they were both drafted seventh overall, and their names are both Josh Allen.
So I have my – Josh Allen has Josh Allen's number. Yeah.
My official Josh Allen power rankings are still number one, Josh Allen, and then two is Josh Allen. So it's this Josh Allen, Josh Allen, the one that we're friends with, is one, and then Josh Allen, the pass rusher, second.
But head-to-head, Josh Allen has Josh Allen's number. All right.
I like that. Hard to argue that.
Yeah, hard to argue that. Hank, you've got to be pumped.
Bills take a loss for the AFC East standing. Shut up.
What? Not mathematically eliminated. I mean, that was huge.
You always want to see the teams in front of you lose. No, I love Josh.
I love our friends. Bills Mafia is great.
I never root against our friends, so that was disappointing to see. All right.
I was trying to cheer you up. No.
That was big. Nope.
Okay. We also had an all-time Jaguars fan over in London today.
The guy rocking the bow tie with the giant lapels. Oh, I thought you were talking about the guy also dressed as an actual cat.
No, he was. He was dressed as a cat and wearing a huge.
I wouldn't say the bow ties were the thing I remember. Well, he was the Jaguar.
He was dressed as a Jaguar wearing this big-ass suit, and he gave himself a captain's logo on it, so he voted himself to be team captain. He looked awesome.
Yes, he did. He did.
The London game's the best. I think we have another London game coming up.
I think next week. Germany.
Germany. No, I think we have London, maybe another one next week.
I want to say the Ravens. Ravens play in London, yeah.
Ravens play next week, and then we've got the Colts and the Patriots in Germany. Oh, that'll be fun.
And the Chiefs and Dolphins soon. Yeah, next week's Tottenham again.
Okay. Tottenham again.
Bad turf. Lunder.
Next up. Is the Lunder hit? 2-0.
Steelers 17, Ravens 10. The most Steelers-Ravens game I think I've ever watched.
The fact that this game was 10-5 at one point was so perfect then 10 to 8 but it was so perfectly Steelers Ravens because as we said on Friday in this game you always take the underdog and for the first half first three quarters it looked like the Ravens it looked like the Steelers were the worst team offensively ever and they get a uh they started of the game punt punt punt field goal punt punt punt and then they blocked a punt for a safety and it woke up the whole team and they end up winning this game uh with jalen warren making big plays george pickens making big plays but just so perfectly raven steelers that you walked away being like the ravens had a million win that game, and they should have put them away, and they didn't because that's just how this game goes. Yeah, it was an awesome game.
And even when the Ravens and the Steelers play shitty games, it's actually better. It's so cool to watch these two teams just beat the fuck out of each other for a while.
And the Ravens wide receivers stunk today. I was going to say, yeah.
They had six drops today. They've got the worst hands.
Ironically, JPP does not have the worst hands on that team because they had drops all across the board, and it was ugly. Lamar was throwing some good passes early.
Yeah, Lamar, if you look at his stats, you're like, oh, he had a bad game. No, he put them in a position to win.
If Aguilar makes that catch down the sideline, Bateman makes that catch in the end zone. I think Mark Andrews might have also had a drop.
Mark Andrews dropped a touchdown. Yeah, Lamar Jackson played fine up until he didn't.
If his wide receivers catch the ball, the Ravens are up three touchdowns going into the fourth quarter. Yeah, it was a tough loss for the Ravens.
But yeah, credit to the Steelers and their defense. TJ Watt just takes over a game sometimes.
It's 14 sacks against the Ravens all time. He just flips a switch, and he's just always around the ball.
Had a fumble recovery. Had a big sack.
He was just playing with his hair on fire at the end of the game. And yeah, one thing I can say about the Steelers' offense, Jalen Warren should get Najee Harris' touches.
He's so good. So much better than Najee Harris is and Najee still has that that like shine that goes with him a little bit of being a high draft pick and so you want to keep trying to feed him the ball but anybody with eyes can see Jalen Warren carry the ball and be like this guy has 10 times the burst Najee has that was when the game flipped when they blocked the punt and then Jalen Warren had a 23 yard catch and like a it was like a 10-yard 15 yard run back to back he jumped over dude and then did a spin move right after he landed he completely reinvigorated their offense i don't know how you can't get george pickens the ball more he got it a good amount today he had a big big day but he's elite like he he makes incredible catches he is hard to bring down i just they were they were saying fire Canada in the middle of the uh first half which I understand because they did look really

bad but the Steelers all of a sudden three and two and they've already won they won two beat

the Browns beat the Browns and the Ravens so they already have two division wins I don't know

Steelers like it's just Tomlin if their favorite bet against them if their underdogs bet on them Beat the Browns and the Ravens. So they already have two division wins.
I don't know.

Steelers, like, it's just Tomlin.

If they're favored, bet against them.

If they're underdogs, bet on them.

Maybe it's can't catch either.

Yeah, we were saying, like, Lamar Jackson wasn't, if you look at the stat sheet,

you're like, ooh, Lamar Jackson kind of shrugged because he had a couple interceptions.

The one, the interception in the end zone was a bad interception.

Yes.

That was a bad thrown ball that Joey Porter Jr. picked off,

and that game could have been over right there. They also dropped the easiest touchdown in the end zone.
Ever. Ever.
I think they dropped two touchdowns. Yeah.
And we talked about it on Friday, but Roquan Smith's still not a Raven because he hasn't beaten the Steelers yet, not officially a Raven. But, yeah, the pick by Joey Porter Jr.
in the end zone,

after he picks it off, he turns to, I think that was,

was that Odell Beckham that he got it from?

I think it was.

He turned to him and said, go be a family man.

Kind of punked him.

He did the verbal too small.

Go be with your family?

Yeah.

That's tough.

Okay.

Yeah, just a perfect Steelers-Ravens game through and through.

Next up, Colts 23, Titans 16. Anthony Richardson got hurt again.
Yeah, it's tough. Gardner Minshew is the best backup in the league.
Okay. So I disagree.
Okay. Because I thought about this too.
Is he the best backup? Tyler Huntley made the Pro Bowl last year. He did.
But that was also what? Three, four people? It was like five people that dropped out. Yeah, five people dropped out.
Yeah, Gardner Minshew is actually probably the best backup quarterback in the NFL. Well, Jameis Winston, too.
Jameis Winston, too, but Gardner Minshew has now had to come in, what, three times this year? Mm-hmm. And the Colts are 3-2.
I actually think Shane Steichen, coach of the year, early week five. Probably have to give it to Kyle Shanahan Yeah Kyle Shanahan Or I mean McDaniel His offense has more yards than any offense ever In the history of football through five games Yes that's true that is a fact But Steichen's in the conversation We're having the conversation right now He is definitely in the conversation Because I did not expect anything from the Colts this year.
He's got them three and two. And the degree of difficulty of having your starting quarterback, who you have a set game plan for, being knocked out of three games, that's pretty crazy.
So the Colts and Jonathan Taylor was back, even though Zach Moss was the one who got all the yards. But, yeah, the Colts, like that drive, we're watching the game.
The Titans have fourth and one on the five. They handed off to Derrick Henry, which couldn't get the short yards, stopped.
There's eight minutes left in the game. Gardner Minshew then went on a seven-minute drive, field goal, but it gave the Titans the ball back with a minute left and no timeouts.
It was like that was the game right there. He just methodically worked them down the field, ate all of the fourth-quarter clock, and the Colts are now 3-2.
Crazy. And the Titans, they don't give up big numbers in terms of the rushing game to their opponents, but they got gashed today.
Yeah, they did. They got gashed big time.
Zach Moss had that big one. So it was 1,051 days since the Colts had beaten the Titans.
Reset the clock. They're back on.
They're back on. They're 1-0 in their last one.
Colts' offensive line looks awesome, and they have Jonathan Taylor back. Yeah.
So they worked out that deal. I think both teams won.
I think the Colts won won And I think Jonathan Taylor's team won The Colts won because they get A great running back to return to the team And Jonathan Taylor got way more money than he thought He was going to get and he doesn't have to get traded Somewhere else But the whale died You can absolutely point to the moment That Jonathan Taylor The holdout everything started. Jim Irsay might have taken his eye off the whale.
So Jonathan Taylor might have killed a whale in this, but he did get paid and he deserved to get paid. I did the math on it.
And with his guaranteed money that he's going to be making, Jim Irsay could have saved 11 to 12 orcas and flown them across the country. So Jonathan Taylor, I hope you're happy with yourself.
I hope you can sleep at night knowing that there are 12 beautiful creatures that are probably going to die in captivity because you had your owner pay you a livable wage. Jim Merce definitely feels like one of those guys, which I kind of like an owner being like, we have to make this right for Jonathan Taylor to show people that we're a good place to play.
Yeah. Yeah.
I think it was pretty quick that he came back and like, yep, here's the new deal. Yeah.
I think so. There was a lot of rhetoric.
Like people were saying, he's never going to play yeah you know yeah i think it was pretty quick that he came back and like yep here's the new deal yeah i think so there was a lot of rhetoric as like people were saying he's never going to play in india again he just wanted a new deal he won a new contract and guess what holdouts work sometimes yeah like your teammates might be a little bit pissed at you your fans are going to be a little bit pissed at you for a little bit but if you do what's right for yourself you're probably it's it's probably going to work out in the long term. Yes.
Also, Sabermetrics, did you know, Big Cat, that per Jim Irsay, the Colts are 10-0 when the roof is open and the window is closed. Oh.
So that combination of the roof being open, window being closed, they're undefeated at home when they do that. It's elite.
It's cheating. It's're they're gonna ban this it's gonna be the brotherly shove and then jim ursa's roof hygiene i saw the i saw the tweet saying the roof was gonna be open good for jim ursa finally got it open yeah uh and the colts yeah they're they might be the surprise team i i might put a future on shane steikin win when uh coach of the year i don't know he gets my vote and we do have votes I have a stat here about theichen when Coach of the Year.
I don't know. He gets my vote, and we do have votes.

I have a stat here about the Titans' offense.

They're averaging 7.2 non-kicker points per game.

Not good.

Not good.

Although DeAndre Hopkins was making some big catches.

He was.

That was good.

And Derrick Henry threw a touchdown again.

Did that count?

Oh, it didn't count?

I don't think it counted.

Well, I saw him throw a touchdown, and then we had to do something. I think maybe it was just barely out of bounds when he caught it.
I saw that, too. And I thought to myself, yeah, Derrick Henry continues to be an elite quarterback.
Yeah, it was. It did not count.
So DeAndre Hopkins has had a 100-yard receiving game with 11 different quarterbacks in his 11 seasons. Isn't that nuts? That's insane.
So Ryan Tannehill, he got him 100 yards today. And they finally realized Hopkins is still pretty fucking good.
Let's get him the ball. And he can still play.
So, yeah, just the Titans offense stinks when they're on the road. I also like the Titans jerseys today.
I might just do this update every single Sunday because they do have maybe the highest variance outside of the Chargers of jerseys that look cool to me. me.
And then you're like, what the fuck are they wearing? Yeah, they've got some that just look like a 2001 Sega Dreamcast. Yeah.
And just slow. But today they look good.
Yeah, let's speedy. OK, next up.
Lions, 42. Panthers, 24.
Lions are one of my top three teams in the NFC. I said this before this game.
I judge. I'm like the old BCS computer.
I judge, obviously, big wins, road wins, important. The Lions won at Arrowhead.
They won at Lambeau. They've proven that they're good.
I judge beating the bad teams by a lot just as highly as beating the good teams on the road. Because I think there is something to be said about the NFL where if you can just not have those sleepwalk moments, not have those games where you just kind of roll out the helmets and hope you win and have these fluky games, that counts for me.
And they kicked the shit out of the Panthers. it was defense it was Jared it was like Hutchinson making plays David Montgomery just bully balling everyone the Lions are fucking really good feel like they didn't have a Monra or Jameer Gibbs I feel like Hutchinson has a shitload of interceptions for four intercepts against Justin Fields last year four interceptions his career he's always making plays in back.
They're just shoving people over. He's so strong.
Yeah. So strong.
I agree with you. I think this was a take care of business game.
I predicted 45 points for the Lions. They got 42.
Pretty close. It was a take care of business moment.
The Lions are actually a contending team. Yes.
No, they're really good. I really do when you can when you can just absolutely no doubt pace the bad teams i pay a lot of attention to those wins as well because i do think there's something about that that just shows that you are consistently a way better because the nfl like every team the the gap between the worst and best team is is smaller every other league.
So any given Sunday can happen.

But being able to get up there and be like, hey, yeah,

we know this Panthers team hasn't won a game.

Let's not take them lightly.

Let's beat the fuck out of them.

And they beat the fuck out of them.

Want to play a fun game?

Yep.

It's called when are the Panthers going to win their first game?

Okay, go.

All right.

Give me the schedule.

At Dolphins.

Loss.

At home against the Texans.

Ooh. Loss.
At home against the Texans. Ooh.

Loss.

At home against the Colts.

They might win that one.

Okay.

They might win that one.

I'm going to put a maybe.

I'm going to say tie.

Okay.

At the Bears.

Thursday night football.

You guys are pretty good on Thursday nights.

Or hot.

Or hot.

The Bears are missing.

And also.

Dustin Fields is Mr. Thursday night.
The Bears are going to be at that point somewhere around 5-5. So they're going to want to beat the Panthers to keep that one number one pick.
Yeah, because you would rather have them have the number one pick than use your own number one pick. Yeah.
All right, win. All right.
The Bears. Cowboys at home.
That actually could be a win. We've seen how the Cowboys play against bad teams on the road Yep At the Titans At the Titans loss At the Bucs It's a divisional game Loss At the Saints in the Dome Loss At home against the Falcons They might win that one I think they might win that one And then they finish off at home against the Packers At the Jaguars At home against the Falcons.
They might win that one. I think they might win that one, yeah.
And then they finish off at home against the Packers, at the Jaguars, at home against the Bucs. Loss.
Yeah, that's what it's going to be. They're going to beat the Falcons at home.
Seasmith's going to owe us some hats. They're going to beat the Falcons at home.
Yeah. But the Panthers are not good.
No, this was also a game where expectations were so high for the Lions that Eminem was in the house. And if you can play to your maximum at an Eminem game, you're doing something right.
It could have been a lot closer. Like Dan Campbell, before the game, said that he was afraid.
He was worried that they weren't going to be focused. And the Lions actually, they did take that step into becoming a very, very good team.
They're almost a great team. Lions are team i think so too i don't want to get ahead of our if you look objectively at their roster right now they're one of the best rosters in the nfl and they were very injured today and they're very injured and they're well coached their offense looks incredible they're running that trick play with like the two flea flickers find sam laporta for a touchdown There's the Iowa touchdown play sam laporta 49ers ran as well yeah laporta has as many career touchdowns as kyle pitts does isn't that fascinating oh yeah it is fascinating it is yeah it's fascinating it is fascinating uh yeah so congrats to the congrats to the detroit lions now if you're a panthers fan we talked about a little bit last week doubt is starting to creep in and by.
Now, if you're a Panthers fan, we talked about it a little bit last week. Doubt is starting to creep in.
And by doubt, I mean in your quarterback, Bryce. He gets hit in the head a lot.
I've noticed that about Bryce. Yeah.
I think it's because of his height. He's like at elbow level.
So he takes a lot of shots to the head, which isn't good. And they don't call it.
And I think they're just like, oh, he's short. So people naturally, they don't have anything that they can go down low and hit.
Because that's basically his head that you're aiming at. But there's probably some doubt for Panthers fans.
Like, did you make the right pick? Do you know why they picked Bryce Young? Like what solidified them on Bryce Young being the guy? No. They went out to dinner.
Always the dinner. It's the dinner.
Always the dinner. And Bryce Young ordered scallops and a salad at dinner.
That's a red flag. That should have been a big red flag.
CJ Stroud gets the 72-ounce bone-in ribeye. That's a fact.
With his hands. He doesn't even eat it.
I still think Bryce Young is going to be good, but it's not good right now. I don't know.
A long-term approach. I want him to be good, and he seems like a really nice guy and a guy that you want to root for.
I just watched him so much in college that I'm like, he can't be that bad, and he's playing on a bad team. So I'm just going to keep holding out hope.
Yeah, he doesn't have great pocket awareness. He'll try to run away from guys, but he won't run as fast as he can.
Then he gets caught from behind by him a lot. He threw three touchdowns today.
Okay. Two interceptions.
Yeah. Touchdowns.
Yeah. He threw like a one-yard interception.
Listen, if you're not throwing interceptions, then you're not trying. It's true.
You have to be taking risks. But, yeah, it's not good for the Panthers right now, which I love, but it's not good.
It's objectively not good. Okay, let's take a break.
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Okay.

Oh, we have Breaking Moose.

Breaking Moose.

Breaking Moose.

Tegan A. Smith,

his reaction to the Cowboys game.

Oh, God. I was making this video after it was proven that I was right when I said that Prescott was going to throw two interceptions.

And guess what?

Before I had a chance to finish the video.

Damn it, before I had a chance to finish the video, it before i had a chance to pass it was three i like his turtleneck yeah his turtleneck's great he acts so bad that he threw his third interception in the middle making of that video how about it how about right. Next game.
I love how when he does those videos, he's very clearly just begging for Skip Bayless to watch it. Yes.
Skip, you know you have to watch this. Subtweet.
It's a subtweet. Saints 34, Patriots 0.
Is that right, Big Cat? Or are you reading last week's score? Because I know that they lost by mid-30s.

Oh, they scored three points last week.

Last week, 38-3.

Okay. This is Saints 34, Patriots 0.

In Foxborough.

In Foxborough.

PFT, I have a stat for you.

Okay.

Bill Belichick has coached 499 games. He's the greatest coach of all time.
He's going to maybe pass Don Shula. The worst two losses he's taken have been the last two weeks.
The six worst losses he's taken have all come since 2020. Wow.
That's pretty bad. Wow.
That's really bad. I have some stats for you, too, Big Cat.
Okay. So career pick sixes at Gillette Stadium.
Mack Jones has four. Okay.
Tom Brady has four. Oh, no.
For his entire career. Also, the Patriots are 0-3 with a fake lighthouse.
Oh, no. I have some more stats.
Mack Jones in his last two games, both of them being benched.

He has four interceptions, two pick sixes, a fumble return for a touchdown,

260 yards total.

Total.

Total.

Not just one game?

This is two games and zero touchdowns. Henry, is this rock bottom? Yeah.
This is rock bottom. Rock bottom was last week.
No, this is rock bottom. I think you said last week, like, you can't get worse than this.
We didn't lose as bad as we did last week. We did not score.
We haven't scored in ten quarters. It's rock bottom.

I now understand what it is.

You had three points last week.

You guys, the Bears are always really, really bad.

Oh, the Bears won this week.

Here we go.

So that means that the team they beat is really, really bad.

Okay, very good.

So we're just like the really, really, really, really bad podcast.

Thank God for Jake and Max because our teams suck the patriots suck it's it's depressing uh i have a depressing stat too i thought you guys were gonna say it oh i have one more too uh mac jones has played five games this year he has five touchdowns justin fields in the last two games has eight touchdowns since 2000 the patriots have now lost more home games without Tom Brady starting at QB 25 than they did with Brady starting at QB 24. That is insane.
Is that true? Yeah. Here's another fun stat for you, Hank.
This is the first time ever that Belichick has been shut out at home with a starting quarterback. Yeah, I mean, it's bad.
They got They got to move on from Mac. Well, I got a good stat for you.
Because the Mac Jones camp is starting to do, you know, sources. Yeah, I saw that.
I saw that. That's tough.
Even Patriots fans are getting mad at me saying I'm a fake fan, and they're like, oh, he has no weapons. He has no weapons.
Brady never had weapons. He had Randy Moss and they had Jules and Gronk and stuff, but there was a lot of years.
Those are three really good players. I understand.
He had weapons, but there was a lot of years that he didn't, and when he didn't, they still won the division. They still made it work.
He was never saying, I have no weapons. And again, you might have no weapons, but zero points.
You have to be able to score if you're a quarterback. Here's some good news, Hank.
The last quarterback to throw back-to-back pick sixes was Matthew Stafford in 2021 when the Rams won the Super Bowl. There you go.
Soupy. You thinking Soupy? Soupy? Back-to-back pick sixes? It might have been back-to-back games.
Stat Hole sent me this. Back-to-back games? Figured out Stat Hole.
Oh, yeah. I like this.
Grumpy Hank. Listen, Hank.
Yeah, Mac Jones got to go. He's bad.
Yeah, he's bad. He's got bad attitude.
He's not great. I hate the Mac Jones camp is saying this.
I hate that. It's ridiculous because Mac Jones is bad.
He's bad. Yeah.
Their defense is so banged up. You can't even be mad about the defense not playing that well.
Two plays that were really, really bad that stuck out was Devontae Parker actually looked like he was trying to get his foot out of bounds

on that one catch.

Do you remember watching that when he was like, he actually stepped.

He made a step that looked like he was intentionally trying to get his second foot out of bounds.

And then the Mac Jones pitch that was a fumble, that was bad.

You're rock bottom.

Do you think the lighthouse, do you think if they tear down the lighthouse?

So, Big Cat, it's funny that you brought up the light.

Or, Hank, it's funny that you brought up the lighthouse. Hank, it's funny that you brought up the lighthouse.
I didn't. You always do.
Well, you said it was rock bottom. I've got another stat for you.
So the Patriots today were 0-1 on field goals. That's why they were shut out today for the first time.
I don't know if you heard the stat earlier. First time they've been shut out with a starting quarterback in Belichick's career.
They were 0 for 1 on field goals. They said this on the Patriots broadcast that Belichick has told them that they need to adjust to the new wind conditions in the stadium that is directly affected by the new lighthouse.
Wow. New lighthouse took three points off the board for you today.
That's just a fact fact What are you going to do about this? The Lighthouse is all we got That's really the only I think you rebuild around the Lighthouse That is the foundation Get rid of Belichick, get rid of Mac Jones And just build around the Lighthouse Build an entire team around the Lighthouse But it's tough The 0-3 thing things tough i've really been on the front lines i was hoping that you know we're gonna get some magic and kind of use it as a rallying point and turn the season around and i could be like this is all the lighthouse but it's really blowing up my face uh you know people are going up there setting videos and it's tough to see the river yeah it's very yeah tough is one way to put it. You guys got agents going out in the field

planting fake reports.

Here's the good news. You play the Raiders next week.

There you go. Loss.

No, McDaniels, he owes that

to Belichick. He owes him a one.
Two and four?

Maybe you're back?

No. Oh.

There is a good website

you can check out. Fakelighthouse.com done by AWL Wayne Jr.
Check that out if you're interested in learning more about it. Just peruse it, Hank.
Wayne Jr.? Yeah. Your son? Tables? No, it's not me.
So, Hank, you're so grumpy, Hank. That's rock bottom.
Wayne Jr., what kind of fucking name is that? I don't know. I mean, there's some people out there probably listening to him.
Is his last name Junior? I don't know. No one's last name is Junior.
Hank, you misspelled the name of the person that did your entire presentation for you. That's true.
I did the presentation. Hank, walk me through rock bottom, or you just like...
I'll walk you through rock bottom. Matt Jones has to go.
I watched the first half, and then I was like, I don't want to watch a fucking second of the rest of this game. Yeah.
Do you think, what's the deal with Belichick? I think Belichick, whatever he wants to do. I mean, I agree with you.
I'm just wondering, because this is his two words. I wouldn't be surprised if he is like, I need to get the fuck out of here.
Yeah. Yeah.
I've got a couple theories, Hank. A couple theories about Bill Belichick.
Should be good fan fiction. No, just hear me out.
Hear me out here. So Belichick, we all know that he sends his assistants around the country to get hired and then destroy the franchises that they go to and make the AFC easier for him.
There's documented history behind that. I think he's ruining the Patriots because he's going to go somewhere else, and then he'll make the Patriots easier to beat when he's at the next location.
So where would that be? Good question. A couple ideas.
It's a very good question, Big Cat. Probably not going in the division.
Probably not in the division. But he would want to be in the eastern division.
Well, since you brought it up, he could go down to the commanders, who will be looking for a new head coach at the end of the season.

An owner that's looking to spend a lot of money.

Annapolis, Maryland is 30 minutes away from Landover, Maryland.

He could coach Navy.

He could coach Navy lacrosse and the Washington commanders at the same time.

That's probably unlikely.

That wouldn't be playing the Patriots.

That might.

Yeah.

So that might be fan fiction on my part.

Okay.

However, what about a coach swap? What about a coach trade? Vrabel to the Patriots, Belichick to the Titans. Because I actually looked this up, Hank.
And first, I was thinking about this like Hopkins. Hopkins going to Tennessee.
That was kind of a weird decision on his part. Okay, this is getting weird.
Belichick's always wanted to coach Hopkins. He's been very, very open about that.
He's right about that. Now also,

I found some quotes from Bill Belichick

about the city of Nashville in the

past. This is what he has to say about Nashville.

It's a great town, a great atmosphere.

I have a place in Franklin.

We know the area pretty well.

We're getting to know it even better.

But this we're

is no longer we're.

We just love the people and we love the atmosphere down there. Who we? When you keep saying we, who's we? Steve Yeah, probably his family It's a great area These are good It's a great area, we love the people down there Vanderbilt is where my dad coached Nashville is where I was born Whoa Has a a bit of certainly a lot of good vibes and sentiments from nashville and the tennessee area that's what belichick has to say coming home it's coming home just think about it you would like i honestly like you would want right yeah barcel nashville bars would be fun and be a good time i would want favorable i thought you're going to go with a uh what go with a coach swap for the Raiders.
Get Brady and Milichek back together. That would be interesting, too.
I mean, he clearly has a lot of connections with the city of Nashville. For sure.
We should briefly talk about the Saints. Their defense was phenomenal today.
It's not hard. The Patriots had eight first downs.
They had one first down in the second half. I mean, this is how the Saints have to do it.
Their defense has to be awesome, although Derek Carr looked a little bit better than he did last week, but that was a whooping. Yeah, it was just an ass-kicking.
So, Hank, are you just are we thinking draft? Are we looking at the draft board? Who are you going to draft? I watched the Celtics preseason game today. I don't think I've ever watched a preseason game in my life.
Congratulations on Peyton Pritchard getting an extension. Drew Holiday looked great.
Porzingis looked great. Jalen Brown had his shorts on backwards.
Peyton Pritchard's back. You put him on with his left hand.
Yeah. Did you see he had him on backwards? That's swag.
Like crisscross? I don't like seeing this down. I don't like seeing this down.
Season's over. It's October again.
I'm happy I have you guys to kind of walk me through this. I guess this is where you're like, well, we just love football so much, so we just watch football.
It was good. Me and Big Cat are in the darkness, and we're like, come join us.
Yeah. We're so happy to have you.
Give you the map.

I just don't like, again, and I'm going to catch heat from you guys

and from the fans of this podcast.

I get it.

I understand I'm spoiled.

But, like, I just don't love football like that.

I like the Patriots.

It's fair.

There's a lot of people like that.

It's not – juice just doesn't hit the same.

And maybe it's because I'm having a really bad gambling season too, but it's like – remember the Titans, zero fun, sir. Are you ready to – Zero fun, sir.
Are you ready to press the eject button on this 2023 football season? Yeah. Okay.
Just put me – yeah, put me in – put me to sleep. Wake me up in the summer.
I think it's just a fact, and I don't mean this in a negative way, Hank. Wake me up in April.
You are spoiled by the Patriots. It's just a fact.
You grew up in an environment where they were winning Super Bowls. Anybody would be spoiled by that, where the expectation is you're going to win the Super Bowl every season.
I'm sure that was awesome for you to deal with, but now that it's no longer the reality, I think it's totally normal for you to be like, yo, the NFL isn't really that cool anymore. I get it.
You didn't learn to love all the other games. Yeah.
I love all the games. I cherish every game.
Yeah. Also, it probably has to do with you not gambling well this year.
I would say if you were gambling well, you would not feel this way. Oh, for sure.
But I've just been. So what about a turnaround? What about next week?

Who's line is it anyway? Start betting favorites?

At Raiders? I guess it might not be

out because the Raiders are playing Monday Night Football.

Oh, short week. Yeah, there you go.

I don't care.

I do not care.

Even if they win. They were trying to get it out of you and it's hard.

Nothing. Hank, think about this.

If you go to Vegas and you beat

the Raiders by three points. It's also like how many times are going gonna show the stupid they're playing Vegas again yeah why oh what happened last time there's from yeah how is that legal what happened play in Vegas two years in a row yeah it's actually illegal yeah it's illegal I don't remember they're gonna show that play a line, by the way.
Okay. I'm going to say Raiders by two and a half.
Yep. Nailed it.
Let's go. You're supposed to let all of us guess.
Yeah. Well, I nailed it.
Yeah. Raiders by two and a half.
I was going to say Raiders by two and a half. Nailed it.
All right. Okay, Hank.
Well, sorry. No, you're not.
I'm not. Billy Zappi? Why don't you put in Malik Cunningham I'm down who's that guy we signed and let go the Louisville kid that was him right no yeah that's Malik Cunningham oh yeah he got hurt oh he got hurt he got excited about him and then 10 minutes later he got hurt yeah Matt Jones just is it just...
It's gone bad for him.

Really bad.

He touches people's penises.

He touches people's penises.

Oh, you admit it now.

Yeah, I don't care.

Who cares?

Build around the lighthouse.

What was worse?

Defending the lighthouse for so long or defending...

I will defend the lighthouse.

Like I said, let's just get about what's going on in the field and just focus on the lighthouse. Build around the lighthouse.
Get this thing fucking legalized. Enough people in the lighthouse.
You get enough money to get the cap. You start paying people under the table.
Get it legalized. Get a plaque made.
Stick at the PFT. Throw some Coast Guard members up there.
We can send Sergeant Bobo up there. His name's Commander Kroll, and he has a decorated, illustrious career.

What you need to do is you need to expand the Deponsa River.

If you expanded the Deponsa River, then I would look much differently at this lighthouse.

You've got to be like a beaver.

If I ever had the chance to talk to Mr. Kraft, I would suggest maybe just doubling the size.

Of the lighthouse. The lighthouse might not be big enough, big enough yeah you can see it from the ocean yeah fucking end this debate once and for all yeah yeah okay uh all right next up falcons 21 texans 19 desmond ritter 300 yards first time in the nfl he's 31 and 0 at home in college in the NFL.
Desmond Ritter looked good.

He looked competent.

Falcons' defense is also very legit.

So credit to Desmond Ritter for, like, there was a lot of heat on him.

He looked very bad.

He was getting put in the conversation and one of the worst quarterbacks in the NFL.

And he answered that with playing an exceedingly competent game.

So it goes back a little further than that. He hasn't lost a home game since his junior year of high school.
Wow. So, yeah.
Then he did lose a home game in high school. So it's easier to say.
Yeah. 31-0 is crazy.
Don't bet against Ritter at home is the middle of this story. And everybody that watched this game, if you had money on either team or if you're a Texans fan or a falcons fan the nfl owes you money for what happened on the game-winning field goal at the end young wake who steps up kicks it the screen cut to black and then it cut back in and you had to just see what the refs were doing with their hands that field goal never happened yeah as far as i'm concerned never happened oh it's false flag it's bad uh also cj stroud still hasn't thrown an interception i have a question about set a record yeah question about that at what point is that a problem i think it so it has to it's a problem that he's probably thinking about it all the time not only that but like i kind of like my guys throwing interceptions every now and then so what it means is that cj stroud is not a gunslinger right not a gunslinglinger.
It's an incredible stat. He's played phenomenal.
But maybe it's the inner Cutler in me. I'd like him to just throw a ball that there's no chance it's going to be completed.
Is CJ Stroud a game manager? Is he a great game manager? That conversation will start. I think he has to throw one just to get everyone off the scent.
And a bad one, too. Bad one.
He needs to throw a reckless interception. Like triple coverage.
Yes. Just trying to do it all on arm strength.
And it's like, oof. But he was taking a shot.
Yeah, but he did look good today. He put together what could have been a game-winning drive.
Yep. Threw a touchdown with, what, like a minute left in the game to give them the lead.
So Stroud looked good. If you're a Texans fan, you're probably, it sucks that you lost this game because you it felt like you had all the momentum in the world and then you lost a winnable game which stinks but I don't think that you're walking away from this game being like oh we suck it's just like okay you're a young team you're a growing team there's going to be blips you competed you almost won it also was like this game the Falcons were favored by two the Falcons won with a walk-off field goal, one by two.
These two teams are like mirror image. Like, I'm high on both these teams going forward.
They have to fix a couple things, but they both play competent football and are well coached and good for the Falcons. Their defense was good today.
Competent football. Yeah, I think that's a good way to describe these.
Those are young teams. Yeah.ent football.
And also Bijan catching that shovel pass behind his back and then scoring a touchdown was fucking awesome. It looked like he almost did a behind-the-back pass fake while he caught it with one hand and then brought it.
Like he traveled. He traveled on that touchdown.
It was incredible. And Kyle Pitts, not just doing cardio.
Seven catches today. And Kyle Pitts involved.
Drake London got involved too. Yeah.
So yeah, Ritter was spreading it around a little bit. And I love how every coach on the Falcons has a mustache.
Yeah. Mustache football.
Yeah. They look like they just show up in their choppers.
Orange County shoppers. It's great.
Big Paul yells at Little Paul. Little Paul yells at Big Paul.
Bike gets made. Yeah, the meme.
That's how it goes. A classic meme where they're throwing shit at each other that's how every episode goes and I watched every episode I love that show give the boat they're just yelling give the ball to Kyle Pitts no give the ball to be John Robinson I said give the ball to Drake London okay I was actually on a flight once with Mike jr oh yeah very starstruck what was he like uh he just looked like he wanted to make a chopper yeah yeah I asked for I said hello to him after I took a picture and got his card.
That's cool. Yeah.
Also, it really fucked me up when I watched that show for a season and I didn't realize that Orange County was just upstate New York. Yeah.
That really fucked me up. What? Yeah.
Shut the fuck up. Yeah, they're New Yorkers.
Shut up. Is that Orange County, California? No.
They're in upstate New York, dude. There's an Orange County upstate New York? Yeah.
There's an Orange in New Jersey, too. Like Syracuse? Orange County, New York.
There's no way. Orange County Choppers is in Southern California.
It is in maybe not upstate. I don't know what the upstate is.
It might be New Jersey. No, it's not.
It's in New York. It's where Legoland is.
It's like an hour away. Legoland is in fucking New York.
It's not even upstate. It's like an hour away from New York City.
That is so fucked up. Those guys, they're from Orange County, California.
They're just north of Yonkers. This is stupid.
I know. They're on the Hudson River.
That show sucks. Now that show sucks.
You're like, oh shit, they're Yankee fans. Orange County choppers.
I'm very upset by this. Let's see what the actual town is.
Orange County, New York. Newburgh.
The town of Newburgh. Do they purposely give off California vibes? No, I don't think they really do give off.
Once I figured it out, I think it was I was watching an episode and it looked like cold. I was like, what the fuck? I think it's like they don't wear sleeves.
Yeah, no, they don't wear sleeves. So that's why I assume California.
All right, let's just see. If we wanted to take a trip up there right now.
Oh, it's actually really close. Hour and 16 minutes.
Yeah, that's not upstate. Well, it is from here.
New Yorkers always are like anything above Yonkers is upstate. But yeah, Orange County choppers.
Fuck me up. So you shared a flight with him one time? Yeah was cool it was really cool one time i met the guy from hardcore pawn that's also at guy fieri's uh super bowl party i accidentally said i love pawn stars to him i also called him mike so it's so embarrassing why'd i say why'd i say mike it's paul and paul jr the fuck damn it what was i thinking mike paul paul tuttle i'm pa Paul Jr.
My mind is just blown from the fact that they're not in California. I apologize for calling him Mike.
His name is Paul. I can't believe I fucked that up.
I love that show. I love that show.
Orange County Choppers. We should get a chopper made for us.
Yeah. If anyone who's listening to this show is an Orange County Chopp's employee in New York, not California, please hit us up.

We'd love to make a Pardon My Take Chopper for the new office.

How sick would that be?

Yeah.

We could do a whole episode.

My life has been shattered.

Please hit up PMTintern at BarstoolSports.com.

Yeah, sorry I had to do that to you.

That's so weird. Also, you know Repo Wars is not real.

Shut up. Or Storage Wars.
Storage Wars. wars storage wars i feel like storage wars no repo wars i that one hurt a lot when i when i found out that one repo wars is the funniest show on television it is the best i was a storage wars fanatic and that that was as betrayed as i've ever felt what when i found out storage wars what do you mean it's not real like they repo game they go and pre-check all the lockers and shit yeah like the people know what's gonna i want to hear that yeah no it's not so now we've had everyone just break the fourth wall fifth wall yep yep and he wears the the bone gloves yeah yeah fucking fraud uh okay next up dolphins giants congrats shake all total paul paul tuttle senior and juniors new york giants uh dolphins 31 giants 16 the giants are really bad the dolphins actually didn't play their A game 2-0 was not great but the stat that was ridiculous to me from this game is the Dolphins Devin A-Chain had a 76 yard touchdown run where he had it was technically the fastest run in the NFL this year, 21.93 miles per hour at his top speed, only to be broken a quarter later by Tyree Kill, who had a 69-yard catch for 22.01 miles per hour.
That's how fucking fast they are. They're just one-upping each other with who can be the fastest guy in the NFL.
So stupid. The seven fastest times by a ball carrier in the NFL this year are all Dolphins.
Yep. Tyreek Hill is number one.
A-Chain is two and three. Tyreek Hill is number four.
Raheem Mostert is five. Tyreek again at six.
And then A-Chain again at seven. It's crazy.
It's crazy. And Waddle's not on this list because he hasn't played that much, but he's really fucking fast too.
Yeah. It's not fair.
And A-Chain has seven touchdowns in four games. It's not fair.
It's not fair. They are, you said earlier, but they have the most yards to start a season through five games in NFL history, beating the greatest show on turf with the Rams.
Mike McDaniel said, mission accomplished. Our whole goal this entire offseason was statistical output through five games.

Here we go.

Coach of the year.

That's funny.

That's a funny guy.

He's a funny guy.

And the Giants are a train wreck.

Yeah.

So, all right.

The Giants defense today, I know you got beat pretty badly, but you had turnovers.

You had pick six.

You had three turnovers, and you had a pick six today. And you still lost 31 to 16.
I feel like if you get three turnovers, I don't think. Did they turn the ball over? I think they might have had a fumble.
Maybe not. I don't know if they did.
They might not have. And you lost 31 to 16.
That Dolphins offense is just crazy. And the Giants offense is just trash.
Very bad. That's really what it comes down to.
This is actually, I think that. Did not have a turnover.
I think Saquon Barkley has cracked the code for how to make running backs seem more valuable. It's just when you're not playing, your team looks like ass.
Yes. And then people are like, oh yeah, maybe that running back actually is the key to things.
Another fun fact from this game, the Giants had the ball for 11 minutes more, 12 minutes more than the Dolphins. The Dolphins outgained him 524 to 268.
They scored too quick, big cat. The Giants just had the ball doing nothing.
Yeah. They just held the ball doing nothing.
I wonder if Dable actually would sit down and be like, hey, one time in possession. That's the first thing.
We're on the right path. Daniel Jones got injured.
It doesn't look great for him. He got sacked another seven times or five times.
Yeah, so he got hit in the head and then he said it reminded him a little bit of that injury that he had in 2021 that lingered a little bit. A neck injury? Yeah, it's like neck, head, that whole part of your body.
Good news for them. They're playing the Bills on Sunday Night Football after the Bills lost.
Yeah. They're in worst team category.
This has spiraled. Because remember, their only win was that insane comeback win against the Cardinals.
Or also 1-4. How much did you put on Dable? Because you have to have the conversation.
As good of a coach Dable was last year, and he was was a great coach he might have been the best coach in the nfl last year considering the roster that he was working with and the turnaround job that he did um you had to put some blame on him right yeah i mean i i think it all starts with the party yeah reported about yeah the six-year-old birthday party easy party but yeah it's i i think their their team also when we do the dude off they have no dudes dudes they have literally no dudes they have who would be first it's saquon yeah i'm gonna know saquon tibodeau um dexter lawrence yeah he's kind of a dude but that's it they have no dudes they're so lacking in dudes i guess uh waller yeah waller's a dude yep that's they need more dudes they need

to go into the draft being like we

need dudes and then they're going to end up

drafting a wide receiver and their offensive

line is still going to suck do you think

that this is like the so last year

was obviously fun for Giants fans

but having a year like that

where you win a playoff game and you're so

excited and then going

like all the way back to being

bad Giants

I don't know they can feels because you don't get a high draft pick from last year because you made the playoffs. That has to hurt just to be like, we're back to square one.
You thought you were building something. Now you're back to square one.
You'd still probably take the season you had last year. That was fun.
It was. Getting a playoff win is huge.
It is. You had that whole week.
But, yeah, the Giants are really fucking bad. Yeah.
Let's do a worst team in the NFL. All right, Panthers.
Panthers have to be the worst team. Yep.
The Giants are up there. I think the Giants and the Patriots might be the Broncos.
Yeah, I would say Giants probably number two. I guess the Bears obviously have to be in there.
We did win one game. We can put the Commanders in there because we just got our ass kicked by the Bears.
But yeah, the Giants are definitely... There's...
Let's see. Vikings? Vikings might be in there.
I don't put the Cardinals in no the Cardinals fight scrappy in every game a fucking fight yeah the Giants have let's see the worst I would say Raiders are probably in there too let's go just off point differential point differential Giants are minus 91 That is the worst in the NFL.

Patriots are minus 76.

Yikes.

Ew.

Yikes.

Minus 91 is very bad.

And it's going to get worse probably.

Because the Bears are minus 42.

Like that's, and yeah, it's bad.

It's bad for the Giants.

Okay.

Late games.

By the way, East Coast time sucks.

Yeah.

Midnight. It sucks.

It is. It's bad for the Giants.
Okay. Late games.
By the way, East Coast time sucks. Yeah.
Midnight. Sucks.
And it just sucks. The late games ending at like 730 just sucks.
Eagles 23, Rams 14. Eagles are back.
They never left. But I feel like everyone had this game as the, ooh, maybe this will show the Eagles aren't the same Eagles last year.
And Jalen Hurts looks phenomenal. I feel like he's gotten all the rust off.
The tush push is unstoppable. The brotherly shove.
It's so unstoppable with two seconds left in the first half. They did it on the goal line, knowing that it was the last play of the half, knowing that it would work, knowing they would score a touchdown.
Max? Yeah, it was a good game for the Birds. Hurts looked really good.
The pick was bizarre, but can't look at one play. He played really well.
Jalen Carter is so fucking good. He's a problem.
He is so good. Don't look at me with those eyes.
I will say it every week. I know, right? It's really fucking good, too, buddy.
Okay. You just got buddied, Max.
No, that's fine. That's fine.
You going to take that? I just want Big Cat to say whatever he says to himself to make him sleep at night. I told you.
Here's the thing. Jalen Carter doesn't bother me because I told you before the pick, before the draft, that if the Bears took Jalen Carter, it would be a disaster.
The Bears have the worst leadership, locker room, all that shit.

It wouldn't have worked.

He's in the perfect spot.

Yeah.

You have to be able to understand that spots matter.

I'm happy you passed.

Could you imagine Jalen Carter during NASCAR weekend in Chicago?

Crazy.

He probably would win.

Yeah.

He is a problem.

He is an issue on that defensive line.

He is running through offensive linemen like they're not even there. Yeah.

No, he's not. Bad man.
Yeah. He is a problem.
He is an issue on that defensive line.

Like, he is running through offensive linemen like they're not even there.

Yeah.

Shoving him out of the way at full speed.

He's awesome.

And it's not fair that you guys have him. Try as you might.

You can't make me feel bad.

Okay.

That's fine.

So, Big Cat said it is fine.

Fine.

Stop saying it.

I am saying that it's fine.

So, Big Cat said that you can't stop the brotherly shove, the tush push. The NFL actually might stop it.
Yeah. Schefter announced this morning that the NFL and the NFLPA were going to look into the injury rate on the brotherly shove.
And then they're going to figure out whether or not they should ban the play. That's loser shit right there.
That's loser shit. Listen, I'm saying this as a Commanders fan, as a division rival.
It's loser shit to ban the brotherly shove. Because just because you can't stop it doesn't mean that they shouldn't be able to do it.
Because other teams try to do it. When the Giants tried to do it on Monday Night Football, it looked like ass.
And they couldn't do it. Other teams try it and they can't do it.
The Bears actually did a pretty good job with it. Yeah, but also again, if they ban it, the Eagles will still do it and it will still work.
Yeah, they will still do Jalen Hurts sneaks and they will still work and they're going to get behind the left side of that line, which weighs way more than the defensive line does and they're stronger and they're lower they know the snap count, and they're going to continue to dominate on it.

And that's just how it's going to go.

But it is bullshit that they're looking into banning it just because defenses haven't figured out a way to stop it yet.

Max.

I can't remember what I was going to say.

It's late.

The Rams didn't play poorly in the second half.

Yeah, they did.

They didn't score.

Yeah, but on defense.

Oh, yeah, but they didn't score. They didn't score.
Their defense didn't play that bad, and they were in the game. Two sides to the game.
Yeah, two sides to the game. It's complimentary football.
Fuck, what was I going to ask you, Max? God damn it. What was it about? Oh, what was Jason Kelsey freaking out about? I don't know.
I was actually just looking. I think they're upset about the red zone because our red zone defense is like.
You mean offense? Yeah, red zone offense is like 28th in the league or something. Oh.
So he just said something about it on Twitter, and I was trying to listen to it. That was like there's something about Jason Kelsey because he's.
Is he older than Sirianni? He might be. He looks like he is.
It felt like a dad yelling at a kid even though Nick Sirianni is the head coach because he's got the big beard and the bushy eyebrows. Right.
Right. It's like it was it looked like 42.
Okay. It looked like a dad yelling at a kid being like why the fuck did you wake me up and just screaming at him like supposed to stay're supposed to stay in your bed.
This might be a little too on the nose for me. Yeah, it is personal.
But, yeah, you got to figure that out, Max. What's going on? Maybe we'll find out.
Yeah, it's all right. Win football games.
Okay, win football games. The goal is to win football games.
The Eagles are winning football games. Do you think the Eagles this year are as good or better than last year? Right now, I still think that not as good as last year.
So they won't get to the Super Bowl? Right now. There's 17 games in a season.
Got to win. What's the math? Whatever.
Math. You got to win football.
You got to win X amount of football games to win a Super Bowl. All right think that's very true do you think that the eagles could be any number yeah that's what x means yeah have they thought about the eagles wait i want to know how many games they have to win max x x the answer is x what is x what is x solve at least do you think 11 the eagles have home field advantage again do you think they'll consider maybe playing it at the bank? That would be electric.
I think if they played at the bank that they would win every football game. It's the same fans.
No, but it's different. It's a smaller field.
It pig pops. Yeah.
There's something about that ballpark.

Would you fuck the bank?

I also, like, I was looking at it.

The Niners schedule is bullshit.

There's no way that we're going to have a better record than them.

They play nobody.

I'm looking at your schedule right now.

You guys play each other.

We're going to find out.

That's it.

October 22nd, you play the Dolphins.

That's going to be an awesome game.

Yeah.

No, they have the Cowboys, Chiefs, Bills, Niners. Yeah.
That's the stretch. Gauntlet.
Tough stretch. Gauntlet.
Gauntlet. Gauntlet.
And then the Cowboys again. Yeah.
Yeah. Although the Cowboys might stink.
Yeah, they are ass. So you think the Niners are cheating because their schedule is so easy? Probably.
Dak also fucking sucks. That's one thing I wanted to say earlier it's one thing about Max's Niners do have a very yeah it's a joke but it also is because they're very good yeah but like when you look at one team schedule if like the Niners don't have to play the Niners and they also are just better than everyone yeah but usually you have to play the first place team in every division from last year they do have to play the bangles who are looking better they play the jaguars who aren't bad and they play the first yeah yeah then they play the eagles yeah and the ravens it's just the vikings stink now yeah so it changes how you look at it uh okay uh yeah cooper comes back yep he i think they threw to him six times on the first drive.
Your staff was like, I missed you so much. They're doing breakfast club again.
Yeah. And Puka, they can coexist.
Yeah. We both had big days.
Okay. Next up.
Bengals Cardinals. Joe Burrow's back.
Yeah. Big time back.
Jamar Chase. So we all knew going into today that Jamar Chase is always open He said I'm always fucking open And he is turns out he's right Yeah he tweeted a picture of 7-11 after this game I love that I was thinking Waffle House when he first said it 7-11 is probably better But yeah Joe was like I'm going to get the ball to Jamar Chase Because he is always fucking open And Joe was able to move around the pocket he looked good he could run a little bit he did he looks so much better could escape and it's crazy to me to think about this that Joe Burrow has like played his way through an injury to the point where he's no longer as injured anymore yeah when you think about what you do in over the course of an NFL game where you're getting into car accidents every time you get hit and somehow he's getting healthier as he does does that.
Yeah, and their offensive line played well, too. And, yeah, Jamar Chase had a Bengals record, 15 catches, three touchdowns, 192 yards.
The Bengals are back. Maybe this is what the Bengals' season is.
They're just going to drop a couple and then be like, our season's on the line, must win. Yeah, it was a must-win game.
Jotes said early in the week, this is a must-win, and they won.

They won.

Take care of business.

Josh Dobbs threw his first pick of the season, and then he threw another one.

Yeah, Josh Dobbs didn't look so great today.

Yeah.

And astronaut.

James Conner got hurt.

I think that was also because he just runs angry all the time.

Yeah, James Conner, he's the king of having, like, three touchdowns on 11 carries for 23 yards.

Yeah.

He also, like, the Cardinals were weirdly in this game, even though they ended up losing by 14. But, yeah, I feel like this was the game the Bengals needed because Joe Burrow did look night and day better.
Night and day better. And they fed Joe Mixon, too.
Yeah. Yeah.
I think that's kind of, I don't know, what else we got from that game. I mean, that's the story.
7-Eleven tweet. That was cool.
Joe Burrow back. A lot.
Joe Burrow all the way back. All right, let's take a quick break, and then we'll get to our last two games.
And then who's back? Yeah, before we get back into the football, it is brought to you by our great friends over at Rocket Money. That's right.
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It is my dog Blake's first football season. He's loving it.
He got his first win on Thursday. He took the Bears on Thursday night football.
Blake's a very good boy, and pepperoni treats are Blake's favorite snack on game days. He puts up his Blake stats, and he's putting up record numbers of pepperoni treats, eating pepperoni treats.
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Puparoni. All right.
Last two games. Jets 31, Broncos 21.
The Nathaniel Hackett revenge game. He was named captain of the game.
He got a game ball after the game.

Yep.

TJ Uzama, before the game, was seen pumping up the team saying,

their coach made this personal.

Well, fuck him and fuck them.

Let's go win this shit for Nathaniel Hackett.

Yep.

And I'm happy for Nathaniel Hackett because guess what?

Nathaniel Hackett coached Zach Wilson and made him look better than Sean Payton coached Russell Wilson and made him look. That's just a fact.
That's a fact. Like, Russell Wilson stunk today.
Zach Wilson didn't stink as bad as Russell Wilson stunk today. Actually, you know what the big change is? You know, Zach Wilson's not wearing a headband anymore.
Ooh, that is a big change. He says he doesn't wear the headband when it's a little bit cooler because he wears the headband when it's hot because it keeps the sweat out of his eyes that's what he says so i put together some stats here he didn't wear the headband last week against mahomes either so this zach wilson with a headband is 389 of 709 uh 54.9 completion 17 touchdowns, 22 interceptions 69.3 passer rating

Zach Wilson, two games with no headband. He is 28 of 39.
That's a 71.8% completion percentage. 245 yards, or excuse me, 75% completion percentage, 444 yards, and a 92 passer rating.
92 passer rating compared to 69.8 passer rating. He's turned the corner.
It's the headband, baby. It's the headband.
And he did look good. He had a Patrick Sertan picked him off.
He also had a weird end of the first half where he threw the ball underneath it with like 15

seconds left inbounds and it the half just expired.

That was pretty bad.

Yeah, but he looked good.

Like I work Zach Wilson is not the worst quarterback in the AFC East.

I don't think he is.

Who would have thought we'd be here?

I think objectively speaking, you can say that Zach Wilson is the third best quarterback in the AFC East. I think.
It's hard to argue except for head-to-head matchup. Head-to-head matchup, you are right.
How was headband Zach, though? Big difference. Russell Wilson stinks.
And what we said, he looked okay the first four games, but he had to play a real defense for once. His average depth of target in the first half was .6 yards.
That's pretty bad. .6 yards.
Kamara. It's like he has Kamara on the backfield.
He had 68 yards on 11 completions with eight minutes left in the fourth quarter. He did put up some yards at the end.

He also had, he fumbles, maybe the funniest fumbler in the NFL.

Yeah.

His fumbles are like cartoon fumbles.

Yeah, when he gets caught from behind and he always acts so surprised.

The ball just goes flying.

Yeah.

And they wasted really cool uniforms.

They did the great helmets.

The white helmets look so good today.

White cap helmets, yeah. And then they had the giant D painted on midfield.
It looked very, very cool. And then after Russ fumbled, the one where he got caught from behind on the ball just squirts out, goes to the sidelines.
I think that Sean Payton and Russell Wilson don't have the best relationship. I don't think so either.
I think that Sean Payton said some bad words to Russ, and Russ is not programmed to receive bad words. Made him him short circuit for a second.
I don't think they're going to get along well for the rest of the year. Who's I mean, who has a worse situation right now than the Broncos? Overall.
It's pretty bad. It's really bad.
I don't really know what team is in a worse spot because there was that report, too, that everyone is available for trade. Yeah, and then the Jets did the Kevin James meme to Sean Payton after the game.
It was Kevin James as Sean Payton coaching for the Broncos. I still don't even understand what that means.
Yeah, I don't really either. Just Kevin James.
That's the joke. Get it? Yeah.
You don't get it? It's Kevin James. Don't get it.
Get it it how do you not get it it's kevin james i will never understand the meme i i have a somewhat understanding but i feel like a lot of accounts don't like i don't even know if the jets know what it means yeah well it's like jake jake saying i don't get the kevin james meme you can just respond to that with the kevin james meme right sure broncos do have their first pick first round, first round pick coming up, so I guess they'll just draft a quarterback, try to fix everything. Yeah, I'm trying to think who in this draft profile matches up with what John Elway likes.
Drake May. Oh, Sam Hartman.
Sam Hartman, that would be a bad first round pick with the third pick. That would be a bad pick.
Drake May is 6'4". Okay.
He's going to be off the board. Well, I mean, this is only through five games.
They could lose a lot more games. It's true.
They could really lose a lot more games. I could definitely see John Elway reaching like he did with Brock and taking Sam Hartman way too early.
Yeah. He's been like, well, I watched those Notre Dame games.
He just looks like a quarterback. I don't know who has it worse right now than the Broncos.
It's just depressing. What team is like Arizona you could still sell yourself, okay, Kyler's going to come back eventually.
Carolina has Bryce Young. You hope that works out.
The Bears have two picks. Maybe the Vikings, but you have Justin Jefferson.
Giants. Giants could be in that conversation.
Maybe the Patriots. I still think the Patriots could be in that conversation.
The Cardinals might be in that conversation, too, because everyone thought they were trying to tank. They're going to play themselves out of having a bad draft pick they still a good draft pick you have kyler murray who like yeah i they remember the cardinals also have houston's pick right oh that's right in that trade yep yes so they have two first rounders i don't we should do we should do a bleakness draft who's got the bleakest situation right now? Maybe we'll do it on Wednesday.
Bleeckest situation. Everyone who's a fan of one of these teams, make your case of who has the bleakest situation right now.
It really has to be with cap space, current roster, and lack of draft picks. Bleakest situation.
I would say the Giants. Giants and the Patriots.
The Giants, Patriots, and Broncos might be the answer. Giants, Patriots.
Vegas, maybe. Broncos, Raiders.
Raiders. Raiders are, yeah.
Raiders are definitely in there. Especially because Josh McDaniel's a dick.
Rams. They have no picks forever.
No, they have picks now. The Rams are competitive.
I think they're getting picks back. No, they have their first round pick this year.
Shit. Yeah.
Take it back. And they have a rookie receiver.
That's like one of the best in the league. Yeah.
And Matt Stafford. You took it back, Max.
Shut up. With the exception of today for at least the second half, Matt Stafford is playing really well.
Yeah. Yeah.
Okay. We'll do a bleakness draft on wednesday uh all right last game chiefs 27 vikings 20 travis kelsey got hurt for a second and the swifties came to his rescue they're gonna get us grass everywhere well they have i don't know that was london sorry what what i'm i'm i'm i'm not i'm not top of it right now.
Okay, that's okay. You want to eject on the football season? London has grass, and they didn't use it.
Yeah, they did. Tottenham Stadium is grass, right? Oh.
Yeah, it has to be. Yeah.
Oh, no, he's right. They have grass.
They didn't use the grass. They brought out the field turf.
They play soccer on grass there. So the soccer team.
They have a turf that they can put over it. The Kois, the Tottenham Kois.
Play on grass. Play on grass, but they brought out field turf and made them play because they didn't want the football team to come over and mess up the Kois stadium.
Okay. Got it.
There was a Swifty that tweeted. You're on top of it.
Fuck it.

There's a Swifty that tweeted,

I'm so devastated for Taylor.

We know how much Travis makes her happy.

Do we?

Do we know how much?

We haven't seen it.

She had to be so worried right now.

She finally has a man who shows her love back,

and he got hurt on artificial turf.

This is so wrong.

We can fix this. No more turf.
Yes. and there's a hashtag swifties against turf swifties no ball again swifties we have been here you you you're joining our our take now happy to align on this particular issue so yeah let's get let's get grass everywhere and grass let's figure come back in and score a touchdown let's figure out all the stuff we don't like figure out how to make uh pass interference not reviewable hey but how to make sky judge i bet you the swifties could make sky judge happen swifties i think you agree with me here we can find common ground wasn't it bullshit that last week on sunday there were nine early games and three late games yeah let's fix that.
Six-four splits. Great.
Let's fucking fix that. Bullshit.
We want to watch all the football. Evenly spread out.
The Swifties could actually get the touchback rule changed. There also was a rumor that Taylor was going to this game and then pictures started floating around of random cabinets and stuff in the Vikings stadium.
She's in there. She's in there.
But yeah, the Chiefs, I don't really know. The Chiefs, I think we're just going to keep doing this with the Chiefs all year.
Are they really good? Because they fuck around. But yeah, they are really good.
I think the Chiefs are just awesome. Yeah, no, they're really, really good.
But they also have a way of making teams stick around in games where they leave just enough for people to talk about it on Monday being like, ooh, something wrong with the Chiefs? No, they're really good.

Yeah, they're awesome.

They're better than really.

They're definitely a Super Bowl contender for sure.

Justin Ross had a great catch today.

Incredible catch.

He is.

They're going to unlock him at some point this year.

You saw one great catch from him.

He's a massive target.

He was great in college until he got injured.

But Justin Ross could be the next guy up for the Chiefs wide receiver core.

And Travis Kelsey, he's a tough motherfucker.

Yeah.

Coming back from that ankle, he's a gamer.

He got hurt, came back in the second half,

and he's a better defensive back than Rob Gronkowski.

So if you're comparing the two based on, okay, who's the better tight end,

they put him back there for the Hail Mary at the end of the game.

They didn't score.

Can't say the same for Gronk when they put him back on the five-yard line against the Dolphins. Yeah.
They didn't score. It was a coverage sack.
It was a coverage sack. Because Kelsey's coverage was so good.
Yeah. I mean, again, I don't think this is Kirk's fault.
We've changed our tunes. The Vikings are just bad.
And I don't know. Could they trade Kirk? I don't know.
Zach Wilson's so good now. Yeah.
They might have missed their window to trade Kirk. But the Broncos, the clock management was so bad at the end of the game for the Vikings.
Taking a delay a game. There's like there's no excuse for that.
We should say, too, the Vikings got screwed. Yes.
Vikings got absolutely screwed. They called the passer interference, then picked up the flag.
There was that call. There was also the cornerback for the Chiefs took off his helmet.
Jerry Sneed. Yep.
And then there was also a hands to the face on that play. And they were like, oh, it got tipped.
It didn't get tipped. I don't know what the call, why they picked it up.
But the Vikings got absolutely screwed on that.Jerry Sneed, when he was complaining to the ref, and I think it was on the pass interference penalty that they ended up picking up. Yes, it was.
I think it was the same play. Sneed takes his helmet off, and the ref looks at him and goes, put your helmet back on.
Yeah. Tells him to put it back on, otherwise he's going to have to flag him for it.
He took his helmet off. By the letter of the law, that's a flag, right? Absolutely.
Am I missing something? No. it's just probably the the the uh the the the the the the the the the the the

the

the

the

the

the

the

the gonna have to flag him for it he took his helmet off by the letter of the law that's a flag right absolutely i'm missing something no it's just probably the the the uh ref was scared of the swifties yeah listen i'm not i'm not blaming the loss on the refs but you have every right if you're a vikings fan to blame it oh absolutely this is a perfect situation where you've got three things you can point to and be like refs fucked us over now if you're a chiefs fan you guys played really good today for the most part the chiefs are good you'll be very good we people always say like oh you guys don't respect the chiefs enough what else do you want to say about the chiefs you guys have a great team yeah and you have the best quarterback maybe to ever play football the only thing that you don't do is like you don't like totally blow teams out, yeah, but you win games. You're going to probably be in the AFC Championship game, if not the Super Bowl, and probably win the Super Bowl.
Patrick Mahomes is that good. He's the best quarterback on the planet Earth.
And who do the Chiefs play next week? I don't know. Probably the team they're going to win.
I think it's the Broncos. They play the Broncos on Thursday night football.
The Broncos have never beaten the Kansas City Chiefs.

Ever.

Basically.

Well, yeah.

Patrick Mahomes has never lost to the Broncos.

Yeah.

It's actually a fact.

Yeah.

Wait, where's the game?

Arrowhead.

Whose line is it anyway?

Chiefs minus 10?

Minus 11 and a half.

Jake?

10 and a half.

10 and a half.

I win that one. Yep.
to one okay let's do our overly direct take so it's time to move on to our overly direct take presented by DirecTV DirecTV is the ultimate destination for pro football it's where fans can get their football fix this season whether you're watching games live on TV or streaming app Dire DirecTV has you covered, and you can get DirecTV without a satellite. Get a $400 reward card with 24-month DirecTV package and receipt of 2324 NFL Sunday ticket from YouTube.
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Direct tv.com. We're going to be in our new office in two weeks.
We have direct TV. No big deal.
Hank, your overly direct take. My overly direct take this week.
Oh. Yeah.
Travis Kelsey and Taylor Swift. Yeah.
Go on. Go on.
We're going to break up. Oh, no.
Oh, no, Hank. Hank, she just found love.
Allegedly. Allegedly.
She's got to go back out on tour. Travis has got some rehabbing to do with the injury, not going to have as much time.
I think this is kind of the three-week honeymoon phase is over. It always ends up for three weeks.
They've kind of realized this whole long-distance thing might be an issue. He's going to get some good bed rest this week, though.
Yeah, Hank, let me make sure I got this right. You're wishing for a breakup between Travis Kelsey? It's not your DirecTV wish.
That's not what it's called, right? It's just your overly direct take. You want it to happen.
I don't want it to happen. Okay.
Sounds like you're rooting for it. No, I'm not.
It's just a take. Do you not want Taylor to be happy? I want Travis to be happy.
He said, Travis said, which was a little bit conceited, I think,

after the Super Bowl, he was like,

I got a lot of attention after the Super Bowl.

It was awesome, but this is even better.

Why is that conceited? Talking about the intention.

Not about how good he was feeling after the Super Bowl

and how much better he's feeling now that he's dating Taylor Swift.

He was just talking about how happy he is about the attention he's getting. The podcast is popping off.
He's dating a pop star. But it's about attention.
It's not about love. That was how I took that.
As a diehard Swifty, I just think, you know. Did you get more attention after the Patriots won their most recent Super Bowl or when you started dating Beyonce? Beyonce.
That's a little conceited of you to say that. I wouldn't say I love...
Oh, nice. Made it.
Whatever. I like Travis.
You don't like Taylor? I love Taylor. Oh, okay.
But you want them to break up? You think they could both do better? I don't. I'm not saying I want...
It's just my take. Flip it.
I want to tweet this out. When they relock with demands, they break up.
If they do break up, Travis has unlocked an entire new level of person that's going to be seeking him out. Correct.
Yeah, that's awesome. Yeah, it is pretty cool.
They're saying they're never going to break up because they're in love. Yeah.
PFT, what's your overly direct take? My overly direct take, Big Cat, is I was just looking at a list of quarterbacks this year. Yeah.
Brock Purdy this year is a top five quarterback in the NFL. I like it.
Top five. I think he's number five in the NFL right now.
Top five. That would make him elite adjacent.
I agree. I agree with you.
I'd say if he gets to a Super Bowl this year and he continues playing the way that he's

playing, which, by the way, he should be in the MVP discussion that we're having right

now.

Yep.

So now, boom, he's in the MVP discussion.

So is Christian McCaffrey.

If he gets to a Super Bowl, I'm going to say it.

Brock Purdy might be elite.

Wow.

Love it.

Love it.

All right.

My overly direct take is Monday Night Football.

I hate betting on this team, but I think the Packers are going to kick the shit out of the Raiders. Yeah, Raiders.
Little mini buy. Raiders.
That Lions game. Oh, no.
Yeah, factor that out. The coldest gambler in the world has spoken.
What's the spread? One and a half, plus one and a half for the Packers. I had a huge Vikings, Cowboys, Packers.
Money line? Barlay. So none of those hit.
I'm just for the record. Yeah, no, you're right.
That means the Packers will hit. You do.
Maybe. You weren't even close to hitting that.
Oh, shit. That's what I'm saying.
Trying to help the people. A little bonus nugget for you.
I can't help myself. A bonus nugget.
Packers are 4-0 under Matt LaFleur in the game,

heading into the bye,

turning the ball over just one time in those four games

with a plus-seven turnover differential.

Did you get that ready for Friday's show,

just bonus nugget,

or did you get it ready for today's show?

No, I do every game,

but I only talk about Sunday games on Friday.

Come on.

So you did it Thursday.

Yeah.

He's been sitting with that nugget all weekend.

Yeah.

Waiting to fuck up.

Sometimes I can slip it in. Sometimes I can't.
Yeah, I like when you slip it in. It's on the blog, with that nugget all weekend.
Yeah. Waiting to fuck up.
Sometimes I can slip it in.

Sometimes I can't.

Yeah.

I like when you slip it in.

But it's on the blog, too, if you guys want to watch.

Read it.

Okay, Jake, your overly direct take.

My overly direct take brought to you by DirecTV is that Mac Jones will be benched before Halloween.

Oh.

Oh, spooky.

For Bailey Zappi.

Very cool, Jake.

Just benched.

For Bailey Zappi.

Maybe.

Yeah. Well, who else would it be? Bring someone a leak leak yeah her cousins they they they should you get kirk cousins you should start over with kirk cousins at mitch kirk cousins in a giant lighthouse who says no well the thing is they're playing at the raiders and then the bills and the dolphins before halloween so spoiler season uh hank you actually might play spoiler this year i i know we will at least once yeah hank i'm trying to find oh look there's some big titties yeah there you go did you look at any today hank no i've been locked into this Look at that My for you page is just big titties Mine's just whales Mine's just dogs Occasionally with like a big titty girl That has a cute dog Back stretching exercises I did this for four minutes And now my lower back pain is gone I just get get that video.
I like that. Okay, let's finish up.
Who's back of the week? Let me ask Hank. Roback question.
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Hank, who's back of the week?

Who's back of the week is kissing your bros.

Oh, yeah.

Did Max do something?

As a matter of fact, he did.

Oh, interesting.

Are you coughing, Big Cat?

I did cough once there.

The Phillies.

Are you okay?

Are you fine?

Are you sick?

No.

You should get checked out.

Jake is sick.

I was right.

Allergies. I think I need to get tested again.
You're permanent. I think I've developed new allergies.
You are just a walking allergy. You're allergic to life.
Yeah. Not allergic to you guys, though.
It's great. I wish.
You wish? I'm just kidding. What? You're allergic to us, Max? Yeah, that's why.
I'm always sick around you guys. No, you're just always sick.
Nah. So you were fine this weekend when you were screaming and getting your bros kissing you? Yeah, that rocked.
Yeah, so the Phillies played the Braves. They won.
Max was going nuts at a bar. And then before his seductive singing of Dancing on My Own, he put out a video.
Ballgame, baby! Screaming the camera i literally thought you're gonna take a bite out of the camera but instead before that happened his bro kissed him on the cheek i love that it was great love that for you they're there actually nothing makes me laugh harder than max just his face getting sucked and max doesn't even blink max was going was that planned that's so hard that's the beauty i think i love max's bros yeah i think my one buddy told my other buddy to do it and i had no i but i had no idea that that was gonna happen but you didn't even flinch you you get real time do you think like damn i just got well i'm just in the moment like i'm i'm when i'm doing those videos it's like i'm feeling everything about that game that nothing else is affecting what i'm doing in that moment i love it i love my favorite max emotion is when he's screaming into the camera and he's so excited that he gets angry and so angry that he's gonna cry his like eyes start to like well up a little bit and he gets so mad and unhappy looking but he's the's the happiest person in the world. But it's like you want to fight your phone because your phone doesn't believe in the fighting enough.
I just get so excited. You get so excited.
It's great. It's incredible.
Do you feel bad about bullying Blooper offline? Blooper is a fucking bitch. That was truly amazing to see on saturday seeing headlines that that read like braves mascot gets bullied off of twitter by philadelphia like he's a mascot he's not a person he like takes offense to what people are saying to a mascot yeah it's true i mean he did he he came out to Fanatic.
Yeah, I mean. Well, someone, a Philly fan said he wishes he died, which is funny.
But that's Philly. That makes, I like.
Oh, it's hilarious. It happens every time with me, too.
It's like, I like to come to Philly, but then you know what's coming on the other side. Yeah, they don't cry about it.
Well, unless. Philly fans, can you say one bad thing about philly like even even chirping max a little bit people just well really go for the jugular unless unless you're uh a dork who wears glasses and you wish jalen hurts got hurt max won't do shit right it's true i mean that that was it's bad moment he's i mean he's irrelevant of views Jalen Hurst talked about in his press conference.
Yeah, so it seemed somewhat irrelevant. Irrelevant.
It is relevant. But how is Jalen Hurst talking? How many times has he talked about you in his press conference? He's probably ashamed.
That's the worst part. Thinking about Jalen Hurst watching the video, and if you saw you, you would have been like, you went to jail for me.

Jailers could be like, you punched a guy in the face for me.

Would have been huge.

You put it all on the line for Tom.

Wish I could say the same about Max.

Nope. He didn't even put up a little resistance.

P.F.T., who's your who's back?

My who's back of the week is hockey.

Yeah.

The National Hockey League, eh?

Starts up this week.

On a regard, hockey's back. So we should do a season preview for hockey.

Who do you guys have winning the Stanley Cup?

The P's.

The P's.

I've got the A's.

Was it last year?

Vegas.

I've got the Avalanche.

Yeah, that sounds right.

Okay.

Yeah, I'll go with you on the Avalanche.

Hank, you got the B's?

B's. B's, P's, As, As.
Max, who you got? Flyers, for sure. Max doesn't know what letter they start with.
The Fs. The Fs.
The Ps. The Fs.
You already said the Ps, the Flyers? Definitely almost had the Ps. Max, you should go the Phillies, the Ps.
Sure. I mean, I'm just so excited for tonight.
Yeah. My who's back of the week.
I know we'll do our college football recap on Wednesday, but we have to at least say my who's back is the teams that are always said to be back. Texas, Notre Dame, and Miami all lost.
And Miami, maybe the worst loss of all time. It was so bad.
The literal worst loss of all time. Mario Cristobal with 35 seconds left.
Ran the ball instead of kneeing the ball. Georgia Tech didn't have any timeouts.
Fumble. And then Georgia Tech scored a touchdown with two plays down the field.
Incomprehensible. So I heard a rumor.
Don't know if this is true. That their running back had 99 yards.
And Cristobalobal won to get him a 100-yard game. Yeah.
And that's why I had him run the ball. You kneel that fucking...
I'm not a clock management expert by any means. There was literally 35 seconds left.
I do know that when there's 35 seconds left and the other team doesn't have a timeout, it's called victory formation for a reason. The play clock is 40.
You take a knee and then you have victory. It's pretty easy to figure this one out.
The victory formation. That's what it does.
You win when you do it. Yeah.
I feel bad for the players. Yeah, I do too.
But all the teams that the media loves to have back are not back. Not back at all.
They all took a loss. Okay, Jake, you finish us off.
Who's back? My who's back of the week is playoff Kershaw. Oh, yeah.
He got rocked in game one of the NLDS against the Diamondbacks. He got shelled.
He stinks in the playoffs. It's crazy.
And he's so good, but not October. Yeah.
Him and Verlander. Is Verlander good this year? Is he shoving in the playoffs? One game one.
Okay. All right.
Yeah. So the Orioles are down 2-0.
Sorry, Big Cat. The Diamondbacks.
A lot of road teams winning in the AL and NLDS so far this weekend. I think the Diamondbacks had five runs before Kershaw had an out.
Jumped all over them. It was tough.
11-2 the final. Yeah, and it was tough, too, because it was 9-0, I think.
And a Dodgers player, maybe like the third inning hit a double and he did like their celebration to the crowd like doing his hands it was like it's nine nothing dude oh the twins won yeah so they split pretty cool uh and then for some reason the nlds got a day off on a non-travel day it's usually after two games it gets weird yeah and they also have a day off after the next game yeah so i don't know why they did that yeah it is weird uh max because max you're not you have monday and wednesday right monday wednesday that's so weird i don't know why today was off twice probably tv and nfl fills are hot the bank fired up for tonight can't wait for tonight can't wait tonight. Are you a little nervous that I have a future on them? It's giving me Super Bowl flashbacks for sure.
Well, the way you're acting after one win is giving me Super Bowl flashbacks. You made a video in the top of the first when it was 0-0.
You are giving me the flashback. I thought that ball went over the fence.
It actually hit off the fence. You partied last night like you won the World Series.
It was game one of the NLDS. You celebrate victories.
We've talked about this on this show. That is true.
You got me there. And like out with your boys.
I mean, we don't often get to go to bars. How many chances do you get to get your Spire bros? I take it back.
I rescind it. It take it back.
How many chances do you get to get your... I take it back.
It's by your bros. Yeah.
I take it back.

I rescind it.

It's like one in the morning I rescind.

You accept or rescind?

I accept or rescind.

Okay.

Can you meet up with both your boys tomorrow so we can get a double?

Ooh.

Kiss sandwich. I'd like to see some tongue get involved.

Maybe some T&M.

No, no, no, no, no.

Tongue and mouth.

I'd like to see like a light grope of your breast. A little T and E? I'd like to see some T and E.
Tongue and ear? Yeah. Yeah, sure.
Why not? A little T and E. A little Lauren Boebert, maybe? Yeah.
O-T-P-H-J? A little T on your pee? I'm done with this. A little tongue on your flyers? I'm done with this.
No? Let's go Phil's. What about Eskimo kisses? Just rub your noses on each other? Oh yeah, butterfly kisses? Eyelashes on the cheek? Let's go Phil's.
We should just all go to the game on Thursday. Yeah.
I guess. I'm not like totally opposed.
It would be sick. I mean, we have work.
Right, but to see the bank in person? Yeah. Hank, you don't want him to take a vacation? No, this would be for the show.
What about the reality show that we're all here for that we have to do on Thursday? Doesn't that end on Thursday? It ends Thursday night. Yes.
Oh, okay. All right, Max Max we're not going

Alright numbers

3

Good show that was adversity

Memes you ever gotten this

Nope

Is the machine here

69

It's upstairs

What did you say memes

2

Hank check your phone

I did I sent it to the group

Love you guys Two Hank, check your phone Billy's favorite number 45 I did, I sent it to the group Maybe send me some tips

45

Love you guys

I'm looking away

I don't know what

I'm about to say

I'll say it anyway

Today's another day

To find you

Shining away

I'll be coming for your love okay

For your love okay

Love okay

We'll be coming for your love. I'll be gone.
I don't want to.

Needless to say.

I want to send it.

But he's stolen away.

Though he learned that life is okay.

Say after me.

I feel better to be safe and sorry. To be safe and sorry.
Take me on I'll be gone in a day of change. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, I'll be gone When I tell you