Lamar Jackson Talk With Stavros Halkias, Dan Snyder Selling The Team, NFL Coach Picture, Hot Seat/Cool Throne + Guys On Chicks

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Speaker 1 On today's part in my take, we have our good friend Stavros Halkius. He's on to talk about Lamar, the Ravens, everything.

Speaker 1 Also, a little NBA thrown in there. Always fun to have him in studio.
Very funny takes on the entire situation.

Speaker 1 We have breaking news that the Washington Commanders might be officially finding a new owner. So we'll get into that.
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Speaker 1 Okay,

Speaker 1 let's go.

Speaker 1 Now in the street, there is violence.

Speaker 1 And then a lot of solved work to be done.

Speaker 1 No place behind a lot of washing.

Speaker 1 And then I can't name all of them.

Speaker 1 Oh, no, we're gonna rock it down to electric avenue.

Speaker 1 And then we'll take it higher.

Speaker 1 Oh, we're gonna rock it down to electricity. Part of my Trick Avenue.

Speaker 1 Welcome to part of my take. Today is Wednesday, March 29th, and PFT, the day has come.

Speaker 1 Even though Hank gave a little side-eye when I said it, the day has come. The Washington Commanders have found a new owner.
Congratulations to you. We all dressed up in suits for it.
I dressed up.

Speaker 8 I wore black to stunt on my biggest hater at his funeral.

Speaker 1 Fuck you, Dan Snyder.

Speaker 8 I fucking hate you. I'm not done with you yet.

Speaker 8 I want you arrested. I want you to die in prison.

Speaker 8 But I'll take you selling the team for now.

Speaker 8 I almost cried when I heard the news.

Speaker 8 I didn't think I was going to get emotional about it, but the fact is that what Dan Snyder has done done to Washington, D.C., the entire community for the past 25 years, is nothing short of criminal.

Speaker 8 When this dude bought the team, 1998, whenever it was,

Speaker 1 we were pumped.

Speaker 8 It was like when he was going to be our Mark Cuban.

Speaker 8 He bought the team, and everyone was like, we got this young, flashy billionaire owner, not afraid to spend money, awesome dude, probably chill with the fans.

Speaker 8 He went out there, he spends money, right? He gets Deion Sanders. He basically treats it like his fantasy team.
He gets Mark Carrier. He gets

Speaker 8 all sorts of guys. Jeff George, right off the bat.
We were stocked up, ready to go, won a playoff camera first year. And then we slowly got introduced to who the real Dan Snyder was.

Speaker 8 And to call him a piece of shit is actually doing a disservice to actual pieces of shit out there. He's lower than a piece of actual cow excrement.

Speaker 8 And what he's done over the last 25 years, the Commanders, the Redskins, at the time, they were,

Speaker 8 it was like the one thing that held Washington, D.C. together and made a community.
Sundays, people would stop whatever they're doing.

Speaker 8 The Redskins were a big deal. We were a model franchise.
Everyone loved the team. And to see him tear that away from the entire community over the past 25 years through just being a real asshole.

Speaker 8 Like, I wouldn't, a real, real asshole. He's a child.
Not is he, there are tons of incompetent owners out there, but he's a world-class asshole.

Speaker 8 And to see what he's done to that community in the past 25 years has been awful. He took away my love of football for a brief period of time.

Speaker 8 I think a lot of people in D.C., he took away their love of the sport of football.

Speaker 1 And you love football.

Speaker 8 And I love football despite everything that he's done to try to make me not love football.

Speaker 8 And I always thought, like, if you would give me truth, Serum, we've been talking about Snyder on the show for seven years right now.

Speaker 8 And if you would give me truth, Serum, I would have said, in my deepest, darkest portions of my mind, I actually think that I'm going to die before Dan Snyder sells the team.

Speaker 8 I thought he's a billionaire. He's going to be drinking endocrine.
He's going to be drinking, what's the stuff that the adrenochrome.

Speaker 1 Adrenochrome.

Speaker 8 That the billionaire is cracking baby skulls. Right by the neck, sucking them down like they're fago.
I thought that Snyder would outlive me and that I would die with Dan Snyder still owning the team.

Speaker 8 And the fact that he's selling the team to Magic Johnson, awesome. Yeah, so

Speaker 8 happy to have Magic Johnson on board.

Speaker 8 I didn't think that it was ever going to happen. And like, it is one of the best days of my life.
I would say Washington Capital's Stanley Cup is day number one of my sports life.

Speaker 8 Nationals World Series, probably number two. And then I would put Dan Snyder selling the team.
No.

Speaker 1 The day we got Barcelona Vantok?

Speaker 9 Yeah, that was a good day in my sports life.

Speaker 1 Fuck it. I'm going to put this number one.

Speaker 8 Okay. I think this is better.

Speaker 8 I think this is a better day because it opens up the entire future of my football fandom. And

Speaker 8 I get to love, you know what I actually hope happens?

Speaker 8 I hope that Josh Harris, Rails, and Magic Johnson, I hope they buy the team. And I hope they're like, you know what, this name sucks.
The Commanders sucks. Nobody cares about it.
Hogs.

Speaker 8 And then I hope they say, okay, we need a year to figure out what the end name of the team is going to be. So we're going to go back to the football team for a year.

Speaker 8 And then the year after that, they announced the new team name, Hogs would be.

Speaker 1 Red Hogs would be awesome.

Speaker 8 Red Hogs, just the Hogs, whatever it is. Commanders, see you, bitch.
Yep. Dan Snyder, buy, bitch.
Retire, bitch. I hope you die in prison.
And we're going to throw a parade.

Speaker 8 I'm in touch with my people in D.C. We're going to do a parade celebrating Dan Snyder out.

Speaker 1 I mean, it's incredible. New stadium, new name, new franchise, everything.
Bring it back to D.C.

Speaker 1 So the exact tweet from Adam Schafter was the Josh Harris Mitchell Rails group, which now includes, oh, he has a typo in here.

Speaker 1 He said, which now's includes Magic Johnson officially has submitted a fully financed bid that meets Dan Snyder's $6 billion asking price per source. Now, Hank, I saw you scoff at it.

Speaker 1 Are you not a good friend?

Speaker 4 I'm a great friend.

Speaker 4 To who? To you. To you.
Love you, PFT.

Speaker 4 Obviously, we're wearing the suits. You know, I'm more on the on the I literally put it on because I saw this tweet.

Speaker 1 Yeah, like,

Speaker 4 you know, I've been around a deal or two in my day, and I think nothing's official until it's signed.

Speaker 4 That's my only concern, especially PFT is the boy who cried wolf with this situation. So it's like when?

Speaker 4 The amount of times I've walked in the studio and you're like, yes, did you see like Dan Snyder selling the team? Like, oh my God, like, did you see like the Commanders?

Speaker 1 Like, you know,

Speaker 1 so I did pop shampoo.

Speaker 4 Until I see the picture of Magic Johnson in Washington, signing the paper, new owner.

Speaker 4 That's when it's official in my mind.

Speaker 1 It's actually a great lesson for the show that just came back on Sunday Succession, the show that's about deal making.

Speaker 1 I don't think we've ever seen a deal actually get made.

Speaker 1 No, we haven't.

Speaker 1 Oh, it's had four years of dudes sitting in a conference room or a really sick hotel or a private airplane being like, Well, we just gotta tickle the belly a little bit and get this deal done.

Speaker 1 And no deal ever gets made.

Speaker 4 So I love PFT. I just don't want to see him get hurt again.

Speaker 8 The Washington Commanders franchise has been run like succession if everybody involved was Kieran Colkin's character. Yeah.
It's all sending dick pictures to each other all the time.

Speaker 1 They're just jerking off to their older co-workers.

Speaker 8 Hank, I just, you're wrong about this one. It's done.

Speaker 1 You're wrong, Hank.

Speaker 8 As Big Cat said, the Bad Man's gone.

Speaker 1 The Bad Man's gone.

Speaker 8 This has been an awesome month for part of my take just slaying our enemies.

Speaker 1 And listen, I'm fully supporting PFT. He didn't fully support me when Aaron Rodgers was gone, even though he's gone.
You need to get in line. Support the man.
I will. Once it's a good friend.

Speaker 1 He's gone. I'm trying to help him.

Speaker 1 I'm trying to prepare him.

Speaker 8 He's gone. He's gone.
We did it. We did it, Joe.

Speaker 4 He's gone. One tweet.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's from Adam Scheffer.

Speaker 4 What if the finances are fucked up? What if they go in?

Speaker 8 No, it's fully financed. I already said finance taking.

Speaker 4 No, but what if they look into the commanders and are like, oh, wait, this is not worth $6 billion?

Speaker 1 No, it's definitely more out.

Speaker 8 There's definitely some fuzzy math behind the scenes. I don't like the energy Hank's putting back in the world.
It's bad energy, but whatever. This is just suit life.

Speaker 1 You guys understand now.

Speaker 1 How many deals do you get done?

Speaker 1 Plenty. List all your deals.

Speaker 4 I can't. That's confidential.

Speaker 1 Okay. Max.

Speaker 4 Mid-five figures. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Max.

Speaker 8 Josh Harris is the face of this new ownership group. The biggest name, the first name listed.
It just occurred to me, actually, because of Hank's.

Speaker 8 Also, Dave Snyder hasn't accepted the bid.

Speaker 1 No, it's met his nice price.

Speaker 8 It's met his asking price.

Speaker 8 But what's getting

Speaker 1 starting to get in my head because I'm thinking, like, what?

Speaker 8 What's getting me nervous now?

Speaker 8 What's getting me very nervous now?

Speaker 4 Like eBay, you can make a bid.

Speaker 8 But they have to accept it.

Speaker 1 We should find a super cut of every time PFT is like, it's over.

Speaker 1 That would be funny. Which getting me to be.
It's been three years.

Speaker 8 It's been first and goal.

Speaker 1 Hank's starting. PFT, I'm trying to stay strong for you, but Hank's starting to fucking get in my head here.

Speaker 8 What's making me nervous is that, what if this is another Schefter prank on me?

Speaker 1 Oh, man. He's in my head.

Speaker 4 He did do the spell checks. That'd be rude.
Or he did have a spelling error.

Speaker 8 Yeah, he's in my head. But, Max,

Speaker 8 as a Sixers fan, Josh Harris is also the owner of the Sixers and the Devils. Can you give me a scouting report on

Speaker 8 this?

Speaker 4 He's currently in free fall.

Speaker 8 Shut the fuck up, Hank.

Speaker 1 Free fall.

Speaker 1 I'm on Max's 30. Yeah.

Speaker 3 I mean, we're basically brothers in arms right now with owners.

Speaker 1 Well, no. Yeah.
No.

Speaker 1 Because,

Speaker 1 like, this will get into a situation where if you own two teams, like, which one does he care about more? He's from DC. It's kind of like a Jerry Reinsdorf situation with the White Sox and Bulls.

Speaker 1 Like,

Speaker 1 you got to have a favorite child. He's also his third team.
Right. Well, I would assume Devils are not his favorite child.

Speaker 1 So what will be his favorite child?

Speaker 8 He's from D.C.

Speaker 1 But what will be his favorite child?

Speaker 8 I think the hometown boy.

Speaker 1 Okay, all right, good. Good.
I'm rooting for you. So now Max, though, will be upset because Max, money that's going into the commanders will be coming out of the Sixers.
That's how it works.

Speaker 8 The bottom line is it can't be worse. I would have taken anybody.

Speaker 8 I think you threw out Putin to me as a suggestion like six months ago. Yeah, give me Vlad.
Give me Vlad.

Speaker 1 At least he dominates the East. He would spend the money.

Speaker 8 At least he dominates the East.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and he also would be sick quarterback because no one would tackle him.

Speaker 8 That's true. I would have taken literally anybody on planet Earth over Dan Snyder.
I don't care who it is.

Speaker 1 So it's big news. I'm happy for you.
Thank you. We're all wearing suits.

Speaker 1 The other big news, which we'll talk to with Stav in length in a minute here, is Lamar Jackson demanded a trade as of March 2nd.

Speaker 1 If you missed it, credit to all of the NFL reporters that quote-tweeted Lamar Jackson's tweet saying Lamar Jackson has asked for a trade as of March 2nd, just looking for automatic retweets on someone else actually Lamar Jackson himself saying what the deal was.

Speaker 1 But yeah, we now have Lamar Jackson news around the, you know, it's the news cycle of Lamar Jackson.

Speaker 8 Yeah, and apparently nobody

Speaker 8 has asked to even inquire about what it would take to get Lamar Jackson on the team just yet. Which is weird.
There's some dark horses out there, some stalking horses, some unnamed bidders

Speaker 8 that we'll get into Stavi with that a little bit about. But

Speaker 8 it's been a really weird saga for Lamar in Baltimore, and it feels feels like there's a chance they don't have to trade him if they don't want to.

Speaker 8 But it also sounds like Lamar is not going to play on the transition tag, so we could end up being in a situation where Lamar comes back to the Ravens and just doesn't play at all next year.

Speaker 8 Which would suck. Which would suck for everybody.

Speaker 1 For everyone. Lamar is fun to watch.

Speaker 8 But who knows? A lot of stuff can happen between now and the start of camp.

Speaker 1 And he released the news, perfect timing. When John Harbaugh was getting in front of a microphone at the owners' meeting, we had the classic coaches' picture,

Speaker 1 which is still the funniest thing in the world that they just trot out a bunch of like gruntled

Speaker 1 middle-aged NFL coaches and be like, stare directly in the sun, and all of you take a picture like you're friends.

Speaker 8 It was very funny. My favorite of that whole group was the combo of McVay and LaFleur sitting next to each other.
Yes. Looking like they had just been partying it up.

Speaker 1 Oh, and Sean Payton just laying dong. Sean Payton's cock was.
Oh, I didn't see that. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 He not only,

Speaker 1 he had a seat for himself and his cock because he made Ron Rivera scoot over to basically sit in two seats.

Speaker 8 I'm going to have to look at the...

Speaker 8 I didn't do a deep dive into it.

Speaker 8 I zoomed in on the center of the picture. Yeah, check it out.

Speaker 1 Sean Payton's laying dong.

Speaker 8 I thought I'm going to wait for Kyle Brandt's breakdown of this picture to come out because that's what I watch too every time.

Speaker 1 Andy Reid sitting where I

Speaker 1 broke it down, but Andy Reid had his hands on his knees, which I feel bad for Andy Reid because any big guy knows having your arms forward is just a terrible look.

Speaker 1 You need to have them behind the person next to you. But he and Belichick sitting front and center.
Good to see Belichick in the picture, Hank.

Speaker 1 I feel like he hasn't been in the picture in for a long time.

Speaker 4 I know. He knows he's getting Lamar, so he's excited.

Speaker 1 Oh, oh, yeah. Peyton's got a hog.
He's got a hog. And he basically was like, Rivera, scoot over.
I need some room for my dick.

Speaker 8 Yeah, that's the horse cock. That's why the Broncos won.

Speaker 1 The whole picture was great because also Dennis Allen, if you notice, he's the only one wearing a credential because I think he was like, I have to prove that I'm actually the head coach of the Saints now that Sean Payton's back.

Speaker 1 And then the only other big one, you can go check out my blog, but Dable. Dable.
Oh, Dable looks like an actual meatball.

Speaker 8 Dable looks like he's in Goodfellas right now.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, he's, I said.

Speaker 8 He's got the tracksuit on.

Speaker 1 He basically, like, he's just waiting for Sopranos to come back so he can do a cameo with them.

Speaker 1 Nick Siriani wasn't there, though. I think he probably was like, everyone's going to talk about the fact that I cried before the Super Bowl that I lost.

Speaker 8 Yeah, there's that. So he didn't show up.

Speaker 9 Dan Campbell.

Speaker 8 Dan Campbell could beat the fuck out of anybody in this picture.

Speaker 4 Dan Campbell. He doesn't own an iron.

Speaker 1 Dan Campbell doesn't own an iron. Also, no one ever told him in his life that wearing the

Speaker 1 shirt you buy off the rack and you have it unbuttoned and it's a dress shirt and it's down to your knees is a ridiculous look.

Speaker 1 But I don't think anyone should tell Dan Campbell that because he would probably punch him in the face. Kevin O'Connell's fucking huge.
That was the other takeaway.

Speaker 1 Kevin O'Connell standing next to Dan Campbell. He's a monster.
I didn't realize how big he is. Big dude.

Speaker 1 Huge dude.

Speaker 8 Yeah, I got him confused for a second there. I thought.

Speaker 1 There's a couple newbies. A couple newbies.
Jonathan Cannon, Shane Steichen, who, yeah,

Speaker 1 he's got a look.

Speaker 8 Doug Peterson looking like he is Mr. Florida right now.
Oh, Doug Peterson. Doug Peterson, when he's not on a football field, he's on a golf course.

Speaker 8 Doug Peterson has not been inside for the last three years.

Speaker 1 I was saying that Doug Peterson looks like a guy who

Speaker 1 had a life insurance business and he got a lucky break and a big dog bought him out.

Speaker 1 And he's like, I'm just going to go to Florida and Marlon Fish and swing with my wife for the rest of my life he looks like the mascot for Margaritaville yeah he's he's just a vibe the the Zach Taylor line was I laughed out loud probably the hardest in the whole plot oh Zach Taylor's wearing roback shout out Roback he was comico take through 20% off that's all I said I was like the super positive dad with impeccable fashion sense cheering on his kids at the hoo soccer game that's him wearing robacks yeah and then brandon staley looks like a i think i said he looked like a youth church leader who kind of creeps you out because he's got a look that like dude just figure out Justin Herbert.

Speaker 1 Just, just, he's got to, like, you don't have to be Jacked, but I feel like you're going to be

Speaker 4 coaching guys. You got to have some type of Jackson.

Speaker 1 My guy, Matt Eberfluus, has some packs.

Speaker 4 Even Matt LaFlore, like, you just have to have, you don't have to be like Jacks, but you have to look like you're fit.

Speaker 1 Right. And Zach.
Or either you have to look like you're fit, or you have to have a Super Bowl ring and you can be fat.

Speaker 4 Right. Brandon Staley's got like my physique, skinny, and it's like, all right, come on.

Speaker 1 Remember when he did those butt yoga things?

Speaker 8 Yeah, yeah. No, that's the cat cow pose.
Yeah. I'm zoomed in right now on Sean Payton.
Sean Payton looks like if Mac Lemore was in top gun.

Speaker 1 He also, we also had, I kind of missed on Josh McDaniels, who I think just keeps gaining 20 pounds every offseason, but someone pointed out correctly that Josh McDaniels does look like a state trooper that is a little corrupt.

Speaker 1 He's got that look to him. Like, if he pulls you over, you're like, fuck, I'm fucked.
He's going to ding me for everything.

Speaker 8 Or in a good way, if he pulls you over, you're like, this is nothing that $500 can't fix right now.

Speaker 1 That's true.

Speaker 8 Let's save both of ourselves a lot of paperwork.

Speaker 1 Yeah, let me just hand you the weed and you can just take it home with you.

Speaker 8 The funniest part about this picture is how many coaches have sunglasses

Speaker 8 that are not being worn right now.

Speaker 1 And they always take it directly in the sun. Yeah.

Speaker 1 They don't give them any benefits.

Speaker 8 Arthur Smith

Speaker 8 looks like

Speaker 8 a baby cow that's been kept inside of a small box his entire life and is getting to see the sun for the first time in his life.

Speaker 1 He's giving off vibes of a guy who wears jeans to the beach.

Speaker 1 It's bad.

Speaker 4 Do you hear from any of these coaches after you read that blog? I was thinking that yesterday, because obviously those meetings, they're probably having dinner or something.

Speaker 1 There's a good chance that

Speaker 1 they all read it together.

Speaker 4 And I'm curious what that feedback is.

Speaker 1 Yeah. If any.
Some of them are probably not happy.

Speaker 1 I would imagine Brandon Staley, I basically, yeah, but he would have a fair gripe. And Kevin Stefansky, our friend, just wearing, like, trying to be the cool guy with

Speaker 1 Jordans. Yeah.
But yeah, if some of them hit me up, it's, you know, it's all good fun. Yeah.
We have fun with it. You could take a little roasting.

Speaker 8 Mike McCarthy looks like his daughter's getting married to a man that he does not, he has never liked a day in his life.

Speaker 1 No, I said that he's 90% fart in that picture. Yeah.
His body's just composed of fart. He's getting ready to get away.

Speaker 1 This was probably the meanest one.

Speaker 4 I feel like Mike McCarthy already thinks highly of you anyway.

Speaker 1 No, no, definitely not. But what am I going going to say? Like, I looked at him, I was like, that guy is, like, if you took, if you did the 23andMe test, it'd be like 10% Irish, 90% fart.

Speaker 8 That's it. It looks like there's a preacher right off screen saying, if anybody objects to this couple being wed, speak down.
He's about to put his hands on his knees and stand right up standing.

Speaker 1 He's about to just have an all-out brawl with the wedding planner over the bill. Yeah.
After like a beautiful ceremony, everyone had a great time. And he's like, I didn't fucking pay for this.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Who put on the ice loose?

Speaker 8 Andy Reid's lost a lot of weight everywhere except for his legs. Yeah.
His legs are just still thick as ever.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's the power. It's where the power comes.

Speaker 8 Ron River has been working out, too.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 All right, so what else we got? The

Speaker 1 little NBA. Oh, by the way, MLB is starting.
We're going to do. Did we pick a team that pick a league? Are we going to do a league?

Speaker 10 Are we going to do a new one to you guys, but I don't think we fully confirmed.

Speaker 1 Should we just do a league ourselves? That was a joke. Oh, that was a joke.

Speaker 1 I was joking.

Speaker 1 I don't know where.

Speaker 1 Never mind. What? No, never mind.
Say it.

Speaker 4 Never mind. Say it.

Speaker 4 I do think if we did a league ourselves, it'd be too hard to update without it getting confusing for the listeners.

Speaker 1 But can we do it publicly that people can see? Maybe.

Speaker 4 Big cats come out of the clouds with a passion for fantasy baseball.

Speaker 4 I was not prepared for it. I was kind of joking where I was like, yeah, let's all do a league.

Speaker 1 And here's the thing. Here's what it is.
We should. I'll explain it to you.

Speaker 4 The last few years, I feel like you were like, why are we talking about fancy baseball?

Speaker 1 I'll explain it to you. I have less time to follow some sports, baseball being one on the cutting block.

Speaker 1 I need something where I can learn some of the other players and be like, hey, I know some of these guys outside of the Cups.

Speaker 8 That makes sense. 90% of my baseball knowledge in the past two years has come from strictly owning the Seam Head Express.
Yeah. And it is good.
And I fucking hate Mondese. We're not drafting Mondesey.

Speaker 8 That guy is a walking injury. I hate that guy.
He's a piece of shit.

Speaker 1 But this is for the listeners. This is for the listeners.

Speaker 4 So in that case, then maybe we should all do a team because then

Speaker 4 that would apply to all of us.

Speaker 1 Right, exactly.

Speaker 1 If we all know a little bit more about baseball, I think the podcast might get a little bit better.

Speaker 8 There's too many names, though.

Speaker 8 Take it worse.

Speaker 8 I think we draft one team, and that way we're all behind the same 15, 20 guys all year.

Speaker 8 Right? How many guys are on a team?

Speaker 1 Max or something.

Speaker 11 I'd rather play you guys because I know you won't keep it up with it as much as I do.

Speaker 1 Oh, I'm going to fucking dominate it.

Speaker 11 We all were on the same page where we're just all right.

Speaker 1 We're starting a league. We're starting a league for us.
We're starting a league for us. There's no.
So no AWL league? No, there's six of us in the room.

Speaker 1 We'll add Shane and Evan, so there'll be eight teams. I think you can do a league with eight teams.
Our teams will be awesome. Yeah.
With eight teams.

Speaker 8 What MLB guys should we invite? Should we invite Dan Heron? Yeah.

Speaker 1 We'll invite Dan Herron. Means will be nine.
Oh, means we'll be nine, so Dan Heron will be ten. Or we'll find it.
We'll find a tenth person.

Speaker 1 And we also should do the draft after the season starts. So we all can get get a look at the teams.
Okay.

Speaker 11 Can we do the thing that Max said, which was like the whole team's pitching rotation instead of individuals?

Speaker 1 Oh, I like that. Yeah.

Speaker 9 Because then we don't have to update it every day.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Okay.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 That's the thing that I've found. Like, switching out pitchers every day is where fantasy baseball becomes impossible.
I like that. There is a way where it's like picking defense

Speaker 1 football. We can do weekly football.

Speaker 3 Yeah, so you put in your pitching staff, and then that's it.

Speaker 1 I love that. I love that.
All right, so we're going to do it.

Speaker 1 And the listeners are going to be better off for it because essentially what you'll get out of this is we'll say a random name every now and then and we actually know the person. A little bit, yeah.

Speaker 8 Yeah. Can we call the league the CM Hat Express?

Speaker 1 Sure, that's actually great.

Speaker 8 Because we got our guy Triggs came up with an awesome design, like a logo. Yeah.

Speaker 8 We should sell shirts with the CM Hat Express on it.

Speaker 1 And then you know what we'll do?

Speaker 1 Let's invite an AWL.

Speaker 1 Let's invite an AWL to play in the league. One lucky AWL gets to play with the league.

Speaker 11 Are we going to do punishments?

Speaker 1 Yeah, we'll figure all that shit out.

Speaker 10 So are we doing the same submission?

Speaker 1 No, let's actually pick from one of the guys that emailed you.

Speaker 1 We'll let one of those guys be in the league.

Speaker 8 How about this? Yeah. How about this?

Speaker 8 We should put out a tweet tonight before the episode drops. Everybody pick a number if you want to join in our fantasy league and only somebody that gets the number right on the lottery machine.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we'll find that person, yeah. So we'll have a lucky AWL play in our league.
That would be be great. Look at that.

Speaker 8 And then

Speaker 1 there's a lot of work. And then the random guy in our fancy league would have gotten the ball before Hank got.
Yeah, Jake, you're going to have to set up the league. I got it.

Speaker 1 Okay, so you're going to have to set that all up. We're going to have to figure that all out.
We'll take care of it. We're going to have to do a draft.
We'll do a live stream draft.

Speaker 1 Tell me what you want to do. On the part of my take, YouTube.
I think next week we should draft after we get to.

Speaker 4 We should see. I'm not going to be here next week.

Speaker 1 Oh, geez.

Speaker 8 Okay. We're not doing auction.

Speaker 1 No. Okay, good.

Speaker 8 Good. Although that'd be fun.
It takes way too long. Yeah, it takes way too long.
And I have no idea what to bid on most of these players. Yeah, same.
I might just draft the entire Angels roster.

Speaker 8 They're awesome. They're going to be so good this year.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Yes. That would be.
Yeah. Just all Angels.

Speaker 8 The last couple years,

Speaker 8 I've come up with a proprietary system to gamble on Major League Baseball. Two years ago, it was awesome.
Fade the Pirates. And every single, like, it made so much money.

Speaker 8 I think I'm going to fade the A's

Speaker 8 all year long. So it's going to be a combo, a parlay bet of the under and taking the A's.
I think it's either to lose money line or lose by one and a half. I like it.
Runs.

Speaker 8 I feel like the A's are going to win 42 games this year.

Speaker 1 Maybe less. The only other thing I have before we get to Hot Seat Cool Throne, do we want to talk just a quick

Speaker 1 recap of the fact that the Sixers have just been the worst team in the NBA since Max?

Speaker 4 It could be a transition if you want.

Speaker 1 Okay, all right, so let me do the ad and we'll do a transition.

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Speaker 1 Hank, hot seat cool to wrong. My hot seat is the Philadelphia 76ers.

Speaker 8 Oh, interesting. Why?

Speaker 4 They're in a

Speaker 4 complete freefall. Lost four out of the last five.
They played Jokic. Everyone's talking about Embiid versus Jokic for MVP.
Embiid wasn't even man enough to play.

Speaker 4 James Harden also didn't play kind of a bullshit excuse, like calf soreness or something.

Speaker 8 Do they control their own destiny?

Speaker 4 They don't control their own destiny. At this point, you know, everyone's talking about Sixers, Celtics, second-round series.

Speaker 4 The way things are going for the Sixers, it might be a first-round series, which would be exciting.

Speaker 1 But yeah, is that true, Max?

Speaker 1 You got to get healthy.

Speaker 3 Regular season NBA.

Speaker 1 Soreness? You got to get healthy. Got to get healthy.
Got to get healthy. Oh, no, sorry.

Speaker 4 Harden was soreness, and Biade was tightness.

Speaker 1 Embiid was rest.

Speaker 8 Embrace the bait. Would you rather be sore or tight?

Speaker 4 Rest against the guy. You know, that's where it's like, not my NBA.
You're an MVP candidate.

Speaker 4 The guy that's probably going to win the MVP, you have a chance to go head to hell with him and prove to the haters why you're the MVP, and you just sit out because you're well.

Speaker 1 The updated that.

Speaker 4 The updated odds are right calf tight?

Speaker 8 Updated odds are Embiid is the favorite now.

Speaker 4 Right, but then he didn't show up.

Speaker 3 Well, the last time they played, Embiid absolutely ate his lunch.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 4 months ago?

Speaker 3 It was probably like a month ago, and Sixers won.

Speaker 1 How's it been going since?

Speaker 3 You know,

Speaker 3 it's a rough stretch. You know, we're trying something different this year.

Speaker 8 Load management.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I mean,

Speaker 3 at the end of the year, normally we play really well in the regular season. Everyone gives it all, they're all in the regular season.
By playoff time,

Speaker 3 they're in a drought. So

Speaker 3 this year we're trying something different.

Speaker 1 And, you know, I'm all for trying something different right now.

Speaker 8 Max, there is something to that. Like, you don't want to win the president's trophy, right? You want to be peaking at the right time.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 3 And we've done that before. Yeah.
And we've peaked at the wrong time. And now we're just getting everyone ready for the thing that actually matters.

Speaker 1 The big dance.

Speaker 1 The NBA playoffs, I'm so excited for because it's absolute chaos in terms of seating, especially in the West, where it's like the Warriors might play in the play-in game.

Speaker 1 I mean, the Kings light the beam. They're they're third.
Like, there's going to be some crazy matchups in the first round.

Speaker 8 T-Wolves are looking frisky.

Speaker 1 T-Wolves are all the way back up to six.

Speaker 8 Yeah. So I in the middle of the night.
So I I uh I took an ambient last night. I I take ambient like twice a year, but I didn't really sleep much the two nights before that.

Speaker 8 So I was like, okay, I'm going to go go to bed at 9.30, wake up super refreshed the next day. I woke up at about like 11.30,

Speaker 8 11.45,

Speaker 8 and

Speaker 8 I put a future on the Timberwolves.

Speaker 1 15

Speaker 8 plus 15,000

Speaker 8 on these guys. And they beat the Kings.

Speaker 4 Well, what's the, I still, something is not adding up fully with that number and what you're proposing.

Speaker 8 What are you talking about?

Speaker 4 What is the future on?

Speaker 8 On the Timberwolves to win the NBA championship.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 you were telling it.

Speaker 4 You were in the room, Max. You were telling me they just had to win two series.

Speaker 8 No, I'm saying they win two series, then you can hedge out and make a shitload of money.

Speaker 1 What happened to Nuggets?

Speaker 8 Yeah, no. No, I'm still on my Nuggets.

Speaker 4 I got my future on Nuggets. I mean, that's not going to happen.

Speaker 1 What? The T-Roll? They're not going to win the championship.

Speaker 8 They could play the Kings. You never know.
They could play the Kings first round. You never know.

Speaker 1 Yeah, all right.

Speaker 8 And then second round, they could play the Grizzlies, and we've seen that they can play with the Grizzlies last year in the playoffs.

Speaker 8 So they win two series, and all of a sudden, I'm sitting on a gold mine over here.

Speaker 1 You never know.

Speaker 1 They also could lose Minnesota.

Speaker 8 You don't respect Minnesota.

Speaker 1 They could also miss the whole playoffs.

Speaker 8 I did not calculate that into

Speaker 1 my mind.

Speaker 1 The seeding in the West, five through 10, they are two and a half games apart, all those seats. So it's pretty nuts.

Speaker 8 T-Wolves are hot.

Speaker 1 So any team could drop out, and it's actually 5 through 11 because the Mavericks are sitting right there, too. So who knows? It's going to be fun.
I'm excited.

Speaker 1 And the Bulls are going to be in a playing game.

Speaker 8 I'm going to get myself pumped up for that. You got to make shirts if they win.
Playing game championship.

Speaker 1 Yeah, oh, definitely. I got a lot of.

Speaker 4 Imagine if Pat Bev does it again. Yeah.
Mr. Pat.
Wins a playoff game and then goes down.

Speaker 1 Mr. Playing.
Playing P.

Speaker 10 Badgers tonight. Oh, thank you.

Speaker 1 Thank you. I appreciate that.
I did a poll, just a random poll. Would you rather be invited or selected to something? And 55% said they'd rather be invited.
So the NIT is my championship.

Speaker 10 And if they win, I have the best NIT bracket in the world. They win the whole thing.

Speaker 1 Now I'm kind of rooting against them.

Speaker 8 God damn it. In the world?

Speaker 1 Yeah, now I don't want the bad. How do you know that?

Speaker 1 Because NIT still. How do you possibly

Speaker 1 able to do that?

Speaker 10 Because I filled out a bracket.

Speaker 1 No, no, no. But

Speaker 1 you

Speaker 1 being able to say a perfect bracket. It's like perfect.
Jake gets to walk around saying, is it NIT perfect bracket or my team perfect? Is it the NIT?

Speaker 1 I think I'd rather them lose now. All right.
No, I want him to win. Okay.
Yeah. All right.

Speaker 1 I'll drop a six shirt.

Speaker 1 Oh, what's your cooldown? Oh, Billy.

Speaker 11 No, I just had a question for Max. Are you still trusting the process? Is that still like a thing?

Speaker 1 Good question, Billy.

Speaker 11 I think that was the greatest Ponzi scheme of all time.

Speaker 1 Good question. No, we've talked about this.

Speaker 8 The process is right. I trust the process of the process over the results of the process.

Speaker 11 Max, do you trust the process?

Speaker 3 Yes, the process worked. The process got the Sixers into a situation to be contenders in the NBA.

Speaker 9 What the fuck is the process for?

Speaker 3 Because that's the whole thing with the NBA. If you stick around the eight seed, seven seed, you're stuck in there forever.

Speaker 3 So it's like, yes, it didn't result in a championship and probably will not result in a championship, but I'd rather like have the idea of possibly getting to a championship than being in the seven, eighth seed every fucking year because that is way more frustrating as a fan.

Speaker 8 The problem is the process hasn't hit in the process of selecting players via the process.

Speaker 1 Wrong, well, indeed.

Speaker 8 Yeah, well, he's processed adjacent, and now he's sitting out games.

Speaker 1 I would, Billy, like right now, the Bulls are in the 10th spot, so they'd be in the play-in to potentially get the 8th spot, right?

Speaker 1 I would much rather the Bulls be the worst team in the league and get Victor Wembanana.

Speaker 3 There's something about being a fan for the worst team in the NBA that is like even more, it's more fun than being a middling team because you have like a couple young guys that that's all you care about is them playing well.

Speaker 1 No, being in the no man's land of like making the play-in, and it sucks.

Speaker 3 Like, it sucks. Like, when the Sixers just had Drew Holiday and Thaddeus Young, that were like the stars of the team who are good players and good role players, it was so boring to watch them.

Speaker 8 They should do a playoff after the season for for all the teams that built

Speaker 8 that don't make the playoffs and then just have the winner of that get the first overall seed or first overall pick.

Speaker 1 That would be cool.

Speaker 1 Your cool throne? My cool tone is Meek Mill.

Speaker 4 Yes. Philly guy, king of Philly.
Everyone knows that.

Speaker 4 He is working on getting Lamar Jackson to the Patriots. So shout out to Meek Mill.

Speaker 8 We talk about that with Stavros in a little bit.

Speaker 1 He gets very upset.

Speaker 8 Yeah, he texted.

Speaker 1 Oh, he texted Robert Kraft.

Speaker 8 And Robert Kraft was like, yeah, well, that's a Belichick question. So Meek Mill's working working the phones.
Very upset at you.

Speaker 1 Philly, yeah, you're right. I appreciate that.
Philly guy. Very upset at you.

Speaker 4 Hey, sometimes, you know, it's always, it's like it just,

Speaker 4 you think there's all these things going on. It's like, maybe sometimes it just took a text from Meek Mill to open those doors.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. That'd be awesome.
All right, Pifty, your hot seat cool's wrong.

Speaker 8 My hot seat is visors.

Speaker 1 Who?

Speaker 8 Visors are on the hot seat. I think it was Golf Digest had a study, and they say for the first time in like 40 years, nobody in professional golf that's in the top 20 is a visor guy.

Speaker 8 No one wears visors anymore on the tour. Visors are a good look.
I think we need to bring back visors. Damn.
When I think of like all the best players growing up, Steve Spurrier. Steve Spurrier.

Speaker 8 Well, yeah, that's the thing.

Speaker 8 Football coaches have really swagger jacked the visor look from professional golfers, but we need one guy.

Speaker 8 Maybe Brooks just needs to become a visor guy. Just change things up.
That'd be nice. He's got the sick hair.
He's got the blonde coming out the top.

Speaker 8 I might become a visor guy and just wear those visors with the fake hair on top. Yes.
That's always a funny look. But yeah, visors are on the hot seat big time.
My cool throne is U.S.

Speaker 8 soccer because we beat Granada 7-1. Hell yes.
And then we won last night against El Salvador 1-0. And Pepe, El Trein, the train is back.
And Giorina is playing.

Speaker 8 So we've put the world on notice, or at least... El Salvador and Granada, two soccer powerhouses.
Yes. And we've gone back to back against them.

Speaker 8 And now we get to play in the Confederation's Champions League of CONCACAF, Northern

Speaker 8 America, or whatever it is. We're going to play it.

Speaker 8 It's always going to be all roads lead to U.S. versus Mexico in a big game.
Yes. So

Speaker 8 I think we get to play against Mexico and Las Vegas. Yes.
Yes. I don't know how that works, but USA is back.
Big time.

Speaker 1 I love it. I love it.
Okay, my hot seat is the NBA in general, because did you guys see Bronny Jr. dunking over Bryce last night?

Speaker 8 Shit was lightweight hilarious.

Speaker 1 I mean, lightweight hilarious. Like, he, all these guys in the league, like, they low-key suck.
Yeah. And we got Bronny dunking over Bryce.

Speaker 8 The next man up.

Speaker 1 League is in good hands.

Speaker 8 Yeah, absolutely. With the James gang.
I would love to see them play on the same team together.

Speaker 1 All three. Yeah.
That would be sick. That would be so sick.

Speaker 4 You think LeBron, like, when he went to the steroid doctor in Germany, brought Bronnie with him?

Speaker 1 Probably. Well, we won't know because as soon as the offseason happens, LeBron doesn't talk to us, which was the funniest.
I think we out of all. Did you not see that?

Speaker 1 Well, we talked about it on Monday, how he saw the LeBron James afoot doctors. And he also said they asked him, like, are you going to get surgery in the offseason?

Speaker 1 He's like, if I do, you guys won't know because I don't talk to y'all. It's like, you're going to post it the second you get a fucking in like a surgery and you're going to be like, the grind is back.

Speaker 8 He'll be like, no one has ever recovered from the surgery as fast as they'll recover from the surgery.

Speaker 1 You're going to let us know instantly when you get surgery.

Speaker 8 Yeah, if you're LeBron James, and hypothetically, if you had been taking HGH, steroids, whatever the case might be, over the course of your entire career, do you tell your son that as your son enters the NBA?

Speaker 8 Or does the dad instinct to always be able to beat your son in basketball supersede that? And you're like, I'm not going to share that with him because I need to always be able to dominate Bronny.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 8 I think I would personally, I'm not a father except for my hypothetical son, in which case, I would not tell Chris ever that I was on steroids because I just love dunking on the streets.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he loves to just beat him forever. Yeah.
Yeah. Back him down.
LeBron, yeah, if LeBron's got that dog in him, he wouldn't do it.

Speaker 1 He would back him down at 60. Yep.
Like, I'm still the king. Yep.

Speaker 1 My cool throne is Stella Blue on Amazon. So we are on Amazon now, and we're running a special deal.
You leave a review. Please rate and review.
I've heard that helps.

Speaker 8 Subscribe.

Speaker 1 Subscribe. Rate and review.
But seriously, please subscribe.

Speaker 1 Leave a review on Amazon.

Speaker 1 Billy.

Speaker 11 My hot seat is bounty hunters everywhere.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 11 Chiefs a holoc

Speaker 11 cut off his ankle bracelet. and is currently on the loose in the state of Oklahoma, probably heading towards Mexico.

Speaker 11 So Chiefs Hollock, if you don't remember, he was the bank robbing Super fan who was then released on bail from prison and actually attended the Super Bowl.

Speaker 11 That was the last time he was seen in public.

Speaker 11 The judge allowed him to travel on a family trip to the Super Bowl, and he attended the Super Bowl. And he also just cashed in a huge Kansas City Super Bowl future that he had.
What a legend.

Speaker 8 This guy's got a... Such a legend.

Speaker 11 Like, robbed multiple banks. He's got a good amount of cash in his pocket, and he's on the loose.

Speaker 8 He's a political prisoner.

Speaker 4 If he gets to Mexico, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.

Speaker 8 Yeah, how come we celebrate

Speaker 8 bank robbers and movies? Jesse James, Butch Cassidy, but we vilify Chief Sahali.

Speaker 1 We got to buy the rights to this movie.

Speaker 8 His only crime is armed robbery.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 8 We got to buy the rights of this movie because are you going to find him?

Speaker 11 I was wondering, I have a bounty hunter in Oklahoma who's willing to link up

Speaker 11 a ride along. I don't know whether to chase him.

Speaker 9 Yeah, you should chase him.

Speaker 1 Wait, dog's not going after him?

Speaker 1 No chance of it. Dog hasn't surfaced.

Speaker 1 Yeah, there's there's no chance billy you should chase him i would like to chase can i go chase him yeah but i'm just letting you know you're not going to find him unless dog is involved if dog wants to collab dog will dog dog dog is ready dog always if you want to go with christ bro i know a lot about him wait but billy Aren't you on his side?

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 8 Because why would you want to put him justice?

Speaker 1 This is like the town.

Speaker 9 Yeah.

Speaker 1 What's better content?

Speaker 11 Me being on his side or me chasing him.

Speaker 8 I could see him.

Speaker 4 You robbing a bank with him would be the best. That video would be the best, the most viral video in the history of Chief.

Speaker 8 I could see Billy pulling up to him in the bounty hunter car and seeing Chiefs of Holic in the full wolf uniform looking at him and then turning his head the other way slowly. He's massive town.

Speaker 8 He's also in a wolf map.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think you need to find him with the bounty hunter and then when you get him, you arrest the bounty hunter.

Speaker 8 Or, yeah, or Chiefs fans everywhere should just, you should show solidarity with Chiefs of Holic.

Speaker 8 You should all get dressed up in wolf costumes and just drive super fast all around Oklahoma and Texas and throw people off the scent. They can't arrest all of you.

Speaker 11 I think that's what I got to do. I got to go put my wolf costume on and then just start running around Oklahoma and try to be a distraction.

Speaker 8 Yes. Listen, you know who else attacked moneylenders? Jesus Christ, right? And he's a pretty good guy.
Chiefs of Holic, just modern-day Christ.

Speaker 1 Yeah. He is definitely Billy's Messiah.

Speaker 11 No, but

Speaker 11 can I go down there?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 8 Yeah, for a long time.

Speaker 1 Okay. Let's see the

Speaker 1 plan. Let's see the plan, let's see the deck, and then we can go.

Speaker 11 Okay, let me put the deck together. The thing is, hopefully, he doesn't get caught before I finish the deck, right?

Speaker 1 That's that's a race against time, yeah. That is a race against time, and you have to be an agent first.

Speaker 1 Well, I looked into that, we'll get into that in the stop. Okay, all right, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 11 I need $2,500.

Speaker 1 All right, there you go. You said it right at that time.
Yeah, Billy, when stopped, when we asked him, he was like, I need 2.5K.

Speaker 1 I was trying to wait, what?

Speaker 11 Because when you say 2.5, people are like, oh, that's a lot. That could be like millions.

Speaker 1 But then I'm like, K.

Speaker 8 But then you say the denomination.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and then they're like, oh, I need $2.5?

Speaker 11 But then it's still $2,500, which sounds way more than $2.5K.

Speaker 4 You call them a 5 double zero.

Speaker 8 It's low four figures. Yeah.

Speaker 1 All right. Your cool throne? Oh, no, you have.

Speaker 11 My cool throne is fishing competitions. Justice has finally been served.
Hell yes. Remember that story from way back when of those ice fishermen? Oh, not ice fishermen.

Speaker 1 There's weights in the fish.

Speaker 11 Put the weights in the fish. They have pleaded guilty to the crimes.
Good.

Speaker 8 Pleaded guilty to putting weights inside of fish.

Speaker 1 Which everyone saw on the video. Yes.

Speaker 8 What kind of prison time goes along with putting weights into a fish?

Speaker 11 I think they're still waiting on sentencing. Okay.
But justice has been served. The fishing competitions are still sacred.

Speaker 8 That's good. I love it.
Thank you, Bill. Do you think you played a part in that and bringing them to justice? I think so.
You put them under a pretty big

Speaker 8 national microscope.

Speaker 1 I know.

Speaker 11 Thank you. I'm just a lot of criminals involved in these stories.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 All right, Jake.

Speaker 10 My hot seat, Major League Baseball umpires. We did one of the most ridiculous ejections you'll ever see in a spring training game on Monday.
The home plane

Speaker 10 umpire ejected JT Rio Muto for

Speaker 10 you dropped the ball into his mitt.

Speaker 1 Rio Muto put his mitt backwards to try to get a ball from the umpire. And then right before the umpire dropped the ball, Rio Muto pulled his glove back.

Speaker 1 So like basically like the handshake to your head.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he thought it was trying to embarrass them yeah and he just tossed him right away it was awesome he didn't download too slow to the ump and get rejected for it but awesome it wasn't even intentional i don't think i i respect that

Speaker 8 i respect the um it's it's listen it's spring training for blue too right yeah so they're still getting their they're getting their shit together right now i love i love when umps are like this people come out here to watch me but again it's kind of like with uh with foster in the nba i want one umpire to be like that and the rest to be good i just want one wild card yes agreed Agreed.

Speaker 10 Yeah, so that was tough. My cool throne is attempting to get out of speeding tickets.

Speaker 10 Someone in Minnesota handed a cop a Monopoly get out of jail free card to try to get out of a ticket. It didn't work, but good job.
Should have worked.

Speaker 1 It was a genius move. Yeah, yeah.
Comedic effects.

Speaker 10 You saw this, Billy?

Speaker 11 If it wasn't for body cams, that guy would have gotten off so easy.

Speaker 8 The cop would have been like, this is like, fuck.

Speaker 1 This is awesome. Yeah.
Great job.

Speaker 1 All right. Good job, Jake.
Let's get to stop.

Speaker 1 So, y'all y'all know that we're big fans of Cracker Barrel. And this holiday season, I will be sat at their table with a big plate of country-fried turkey.

Speaker 13 And Brandon, I'll be right there with you, and I'll check it off my Christmas list in the country store while I'm at it.

Speaker 5 It'll make a nice holiday tradition.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's so cute of you.

Speaker 13 Enjoy all the more holiday traditions only at Cracker Barrel.

Speaker 1 All right, here he is, our good friend Stavros.

Speaker 1 Okay, we now welcome on our very good friend.

Speaker 8 It is Stavros Alcius.

Speaker 9 What's up, boys?

Speaker 1 He texted me and was like,

Speaker 1 I got to talk to Lamar. I got to go to therapy.
This fucking sucks. We were planning on having you on anyway sometime soon.
So this worked out perfect. Yeah.
Not for you, it did.

Speaker 9 For the whole fucking league that needs a quarterback, except the Baltimore Ravens, it did.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So where do you want to start? I mean, like...

Speaker 9 I would like to start here.

Speaker 9 Steve Bashati and Eric DaCosta have fucked the city of Baltimore in its ass. That's where I would like to start.

Speaker 9 The fucking treatment of of Lamar Jackson is inexcusable, dude. What the fuck? How the fuck are we going to lose Lamar over nothing?

Speaker 8 So like a year and a half ago, we started to see how they were like communicating with Lamar and handling Lamar and shit. It's fucking horrible.

Speaker 8 And he would just, he would be out of practice for a couple days and then Harbaugh would be asked about it. This is like 2021.
Yeah, dude.

Speaker 8 And Harbaugh would be like, yeah, you know, I'm not real sure what the issue with Lamar is right now. It was real strange going back then.
I know.

Speaker 9 This is like when you just know your girlfriend is starting to cheat on you. That's what it's felt.
Like, you know, you're losing a woman that's much hotter than you. And it's like, oh, she's,

Speaker 9 she's been going to the gym more than usual.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean?

Speaker 9 Like, oh, that's, well, that's good. I mean, I guess health is fine.
You know, and that was like the beginning of like the weird communication.

Speaker 1 Some new clothes.

Speaker 9 New clothes.

Speaker 9 Her and her friend at the office seem to be pretty chummy, but

Speaker 9 he's got a girlfriend, so I'm not worried. She's trying to get you into the gym.

Speaker 1 Right, right, right. Yeah.
Hey, why don't we work out together? Why don't we work out together?

Speaker 9 Why don't you make a long-term commitment to me? And I'm like, I don't know. I mean, let me play the field a little bit longer.

Speaker 9 That's really what the Ravens have been, dude. It's like a fucking fat guy with a little ass dick who's got a hot girlfriend.
We lucked into Lamar. Should never have fallen to us.

Speaker 9 We got lucky because the league is racist, essentially, right? Everyone thought he was a fucking running back for real.

Speaker 9 We got lucky because the Dundalk character that I do is how half of the GMs think.

Speaker 9 And he fell to us for no fucking reason. And then we just fucking have taken him for granted.
This really is like my dating life. That's maybe why this is so triggering to me.

Speaker 9 it's like every hot girl i've dated i've treated her like the ravens have treated lamar yeah and now this is like i'm at the point you know when you send like emails after a girl's broken up with you and you're like just just one more thing i'm sorry i just need to get this off my chest i respect your decision and you really you're hoping that that's gonna be the thing that she's like oh my god this long rambling email that i got at 4 a.m yeah what changed my mind oh he really loves me even though he non-franchis non-exclusive franchise tagged me now he told me i could go look for others others.

Speaker 8 You're like bargaining right now where it's like, maybe, you know, maybe we're at a good spot in a relationship where when he comes back to Baltimore, we'll have a tribute video for him and go wave talking.

Speaker 9 No, dude, I'm not even ready. I'm still.

Speaker 9 I mean, I know it's not happening, but I'm still like, nah, dude, they're going to work it out. It's not a big deal.

Speaker 1 It's like, he's going to talk it through.

Speaker 9 We're going to give him all the guaranteed money he wants.

Speaker 9 This is all a silly thing we're going to put behind us. Meanwhile, you know, he's fucking looking for condo.
He's probably looking for condos in like Miami right now as we speak.

Speaker 8 The next quarterback you draft, you're just going to treat him like shit from the get-go.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I can't have my heart broken. This guy fucking sucks.

Speaker 1 Don't get emotionally involved. All right, so what about,

Speaker 1 well, there's a couple things that could happen here,

Speaker 1 but let's first start with like Lamar's gone, okay? So that happens. Let's just say he's gone.

Speaker 1 Are you buying the Chris Mortensen? Because this is

Speaker 1 one of my favorite parts of the NFL is the machine that's behind the owners.

Speaker 1 Because Lamar said, I've asked for a trade March 2nd, and Chris Mortensen came out, like, I don't know, a few hours later, being like, you know, he's a great player, but there are questions about his diet and his sleep schedule.

Speaker 1 I know, dude.

Speaker 9 It's like, come on.

Speaker 9 The guy won MVP when Joe Burrow was fucking sucking on Coach O's nuts still.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean?

Speaker 9 Like, he was fucking, he was so young, so good, and we're talking about his sleep schedule. Okay, he shit himself.
He got COVID eight times, and he shit himself during a playoff game.

Speaker 1 Whatever.

Speaker 9 It's fine. I want my quarterback to be fucking weird and kind of dumb in every other place but football.

Speaker 1 Lamar's awesome.

Speaker 9 He's the fuck, he's hilarious. And yeah, he's a fucking 20, whatever-year-old super athlete.
Like, sometimes it takes those guys, like, they do have to, like, transition into, oh, I'm 29.

Speaker 9 My body is a little bit mortal now.

Speaker 1 Yeah, right.

Speaker 9 But those guys, they make the fucking connection. They figure it out.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. So the diet, you're not worried about the diet? Because I saw that and I was like, red flag.

Speaker 1 He shouldn't even be in the league.

Speaker 8 I'm worried about the sleep schedule for him. I want my quarterback, like Aaron Rodgers, staying up for

Speaker 8 three days at a time, putting him in the dark. Don't an ayahuasca.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 8 I want a quarterback that doesn't sleep.

Speaker 9 Yeah, oh, he, he's, he has a house, he eats a couple fucking hot Cheetos every once in a while. Who gives a fuck? Yeah, he's fucking awesome.

Speaker 8 The timing was so weird yesterday, too. I don't know if that was a coincidence.

Speaker 1 Oh, it was smart. Oh, it was not.

Speaker 8 Maybe Lamar is the smartest human being on earth.

Speaker 9 I think he's probably, I think, okay, what this feels like to me is like,

Speaker 9 well, first of all,

Speaker 9 Lamar not having his own agent is a weird wrinkle. Yes.
Right. Because,

Speaker 9 but they are, they, that's kind of, it was almost smart because he, if you don't have your own agent, the team should, if they're smart, treat you with more respect than they would with an agent.

Speaker 9 Because an agent, it's like,

Speaker 9 you can throw out a disrespectful offer, and that's the guy's job to never, so it never gets to you. Right.
You never hear the first offer. But Lamar's heard every like bargaining tactic.

Speaker 9 And really, once he decided no agent, they should have just been like, he's our franchise player. He's got us by the balls.
Let's fuck it.

Speaker 9 All right, we might have to overpay a little bit, or we'll just have to make this quicker than most negotiations. So that's one of the weird things.

Speaker 1 It's also, I do think the owners,

Speaker 1 it's very funny because I don't actually think the owners are actively colluding against Lamar. I think they all are just the exact same person and they all think independently the exact same way.

Speaker 1 And none of them want to pay quarterbacks guaranteed money.

Speaker 9 Pieces of dog shit is what they are. Every owner can suck my dick, and not just, but our owner specifically right now, because

Speaker 9 that fucking cocksucker is worth, I think, $6 billion.

Speaker 9 Okay. $6 billion.
He bought the Ravens for the money.

Speaker 1 But how much in cash? That's the key. Sure, sure, sure.
Because Jim Ursa, like,

Speaker 1 they're in the middle of the league meetings right now, and Jim Ursa is just all the quotes of him being like, I don't want to pay quarterbacks guaranteed. I think it's a bad precedent for the league.

Speaker 1 No, dude, you don't want to put the money in escrow. Right, right.
Like, you need that for the pills. Exactly, exactly.
So don't. That's a lot of Vicodin.

Speaker 9 That's a lot of Vicodin and dick pills that go. Right.

Speaker 9 You know, Ursay's got the kind of dick pills you have to, like inject into like your nut, that one big vein in your nuts.

Speaker 9 Like, he has to fucking, he's got some, no other dick pills have worked on Hatman since like 1994. He's got some kind of experimental dick pill that he cannot tie up the money for that.

Speaker 9 I think quarterback.

Speaker 8 That dude's done so many drugs over the years. I bet you he nuts without even getting hard in the first place.

Speaker 1 Yeah, just completely. Just looking at it and carls out.

Speaker 1 He gets wet like a woman.

Speaker 1 He just slowly, he slowly is coming the whole time.

Speaker 1 He just slowly seeps out.

Speaker 8 I think it might be collusion, not that they're all getting together in a room and saying, okay, we all agree on this.

Speaker 8 Let's sign on this piece of paper in blood, saying that we're not going to pay a quarterback all this guaranteed money. Well, I mean, Kirk Cousins got a guaranteed contract, right?

Speaker 1 So some guys do.

Speaker 9 Yeah, if you pull your dick out at a chiropractor, you can get a fucking guaranteed contract, too.

Speaker 1 It turns out.

Speaker 9 I mean, fuck the Browns, too, and fuck that sex criminal, Deshaun fucking. Watson, whatever the fuck is that.

Speaker 8 I think that's more what it is. I think that when it happened with Deshaun,

Speaker 8 when the Haslams gave him all that guaranteed money, everybody got so fucking mad at the Browns franchise and their ownership that it's like an unspoken thing.

Speaker 8 And they all got all their shit off their chest on that one. And they yelled at this dude and they said, this is going to ruin.

Speaker 8 It's going to turn the NFL into the NBA if the players get too much power. Then I think it's just kind of understood from that point that, okay,

Speaker 1 we're not going to do this again.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry. No, no, go ahead.

Speaker 9 It's the fucking quarterback. That's the fucking thing.

Speaker 1 There is the wrinkle, and it's not like we're, you know, I know Mike Floyer, our friend, like, he'll talk about it and get into the weeds with it, and people's eyes will glaze over.

Speaker 1 But it is a real thing that the stupid rules that were invented, you know, 30 years ago, where they actually thought teams could offer money and then the team could go under and they would never be able to pay the money.

Speaker 1 That's why the escrow thing is

Speaker 1 real.

Speaker 1 So, like, you hear about it with Mark Davis. Like, he has to actually put the money when he guarantees the money.
He has to put it in escrow.

Speaker 1 He has to be like, Here's the money, so I won't spend it on something else. And so, some of these owners, like, the Bears are the same way.

Speaker 1 They have their

Speaker 1 billionaires because they own the team, right? But in terms of like cash in their pocket,

Speaker 1 they don't have that.

Speaker 9 I believe me, I looked this up. The Ravens are worth 3.9, he's worth six bill.
Okay, so he's got a little fucking cash in the pocket.

Speaker 1 He's got cash in the pocket, yeah. So, that shouldn't be.

Speaker 9 Also,

Speaker 9 again, that's such bullshit. The NFL can't like be sucking its own dick about how it's the most profitable league in the history of mankind.

Speaker 9 And then be like, oh, we made these rules 40 years ago, so we can't actually pay you guys. And it's also, I mean, it's also unethical.

Speaker 9 Like, the Lamar, there's a couple things here, right, that kind of that gets me on multiple levels. As a Ravens fan, I'm the most pissed, right?

Speaker 9 Because it's like, then we can go back to talking about that. But then from like a

Speaker 9 like fair, pure fairness standpoint, the NFL, like, those half these motherfuckers, their brains are fucking scrambled eggs, right?

Speaker 9 And that's the league league that you don't fucking guarantee the contracts.

Speaker 9 You could just blow your knee out, and it's like, you could be the most talented guy in the world, and then, oh, we'll cut you. And guess what?

Speaker 9 And the fucking NFL, you know, they're fighting not to insure anything. Like, you know, it's just like, this is the most violent fucking league.
And look, it's sick.

Speaker 9 Football rules, we love to watch it, all that shit. But you should take care of these guys if they're putting their body online this much.

Speaker 9 And the fact that this profitable fucking league with the most, with the most, in the most important position in the whole

Speaker 9 sports

Speaker 9 sports the most valuable position in the most valuable fucking league and they're like oh because of an accounting issue we can't pay these guys guaranteed money and it's like this isn't some fucking guy on a practice squad who even don't get me wrong even those guys should have their every all their shit full of guaranteed and everyone who plays a down of NFL football should have top-tier health care for the rest of their lives.

Speaker 9 Like, it's disgraceful how they treat a lot of ex-players. But especially a fucking MVP quarterback should be able to get the same contract as fucking Bradley Beal.

Speaker 9 Yeah, he literally wants Bradley Beal's contract five for $250. Yeah, that's are you kidding me? What the fuck are we talking about?

Speaker 1 That wasn't a coincidence, by the way, PFT, because he did, he released his tweet

Speaker 1 right when John Harbaugh was speaking. Yes, I saw him.

Speaker 9 It was perfect timing.

Speaker 8 That's what I was wondering. Does he have like boots on the ground? Is there somebody that's at the owners' meeting that texted Lamar like the second that Harbaugh started talking to the press?

Speaker 8 That's interesting. Okay, he's talking right now.
What if he's

Speaker 1 watching?

Speaker 8 Lamar's like, I've got a very very important thread that I'm about to drop right now?

Speaker 9 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 8 And then he just, it was the timing was impeccable because he asked Harbaugh about it. He's like, I don't know.

Speaker 8 I haven't read the tweets yet because obviously the tweet came out right as he was starting the press conference and put him under the gun. I don't think that

Speaker 8 there's a situation where the Ravens owner could legitimately claim that he can't put that money in escrow.

Speaker 1 They're like, you can get a $10.

Speaker 8 You can get a line of credit taken out on your team. No, no, no.

Speaker 8 You can ask Roger Goodell to fucking float you alone. The guy gets paid $65.

Speaker 1 No, it's a bullshit excuse.

Speaker 9 It's completely fucking bullshit excuse me. It's a bullshit excuse.
Why are you a fucking owner of a team?

Speaker 9 Like, truly, if you look at the Lamar, the story of us getting Lamar, it's like, you know,

Speaker 9 I mean, even the Flacco contract that we were getting our asses fucked on for years, if my memory serves correctly, it's because they didn't want to pay him just a little bit more in season.

Speaker 9 Like, they were penny pinching, and it ended up fucking the franchise up. And look, again, pay Flacco.
We fucking, you know, shout out to Joey.

Speaker 9 We won a Super Bowl. The best run.
I mean, you have never timed for the four best games of your life. Yeah.
Better. It's the bet.
I mean, he rules for that one.

Speaker 9 And I don't begrudge him the money at all, but I, you know, we had to fucking watch Flacco, you know, lose whatever fastball he had with that huge contract.

Speaker 9 And then it really felt like shit was bleak as a Ravens fan. Everyone was ready to fucking fire horrible ball.
Shit was not going good. And then Lamar fall.

Speaker 9 Literally, I remember watching the draft because, look, you guys love football. I like football.
You know, I'm not as big a football guy as you guys.

Speaker 9 And I was kind of like, the Ravens are fucking assholes. And this was in the, you know, you know, all the like Kaepernick shit was going on.
I was like, fuck the league. Fuck the NFL.

Speaker 9 I don't need this shit. And then that was the, and I was watching the draft like on the background.
And then we got Lamar and I was like, NFL football, baby. I'm fucking back in.

Speaker 9 I was in from the moment. I knew he was going to be awesome, right? And so he falls to us.

Speaker 9 And the narrative of what you want as a football team is like, you want that like magical thing to happen with your quarterback. You want him to come out of nowhere.

Speaker 9 That Chargers game where they put him in and he fucking almost wins it. And we're like, wait, what the fuck is going on? Like, that was fucking awesome.
He's incredible the fucking next year.

Speaker 9 His MVP season was like every Sunday was fucking awesome. It's like that.
You're like, oh, yeah, this is the kind of shit you're a sports fan for.

Speaker 9 To watch this guy become, and he's got a brand of football that's fucking awesome.

Speaker 9 It's not like he's a, you know, even if we sucked, he's the kind of player that keeps interest in your franchise just to be like, what's Lamar going to do? Yeah. Right.

Speaker 9 It's like, in every fucking way, he's the kind of guy that you're homegrown, incredibly like, you know, incredibly explosive, already accomplished. I don't care that he's.

Speaker 1 Bad diet.

Speaker 9 Bad diet.

Speaker 9 Knows his way around a fucking ham and cheese hot pocket.

Speaker 1 You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 9 Staying up till 3 a.m. watching fucking The Office.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean?

Speaker 9 Like, whatever. He's one of us.
You know what I mean? Staying up watching 30 Rock, DMing, but she's definitely DMing girls, trying to get his dick sucked. No problem.

Speaker 9 Like, he's one of, truly, a man's man. He's like, fucking agent.
I'm keeping my 10%. A dumbass who doesn't understand that you need an agent for something, but that's how I am, too.

Speaker 1 Yeah, right. I'm like, I'll sell my own podcast ads.
I don't care.

Speaker 9 I'm not giving you 10%.

Speaker 9 No ads on Stobby's World, by the way.

Speaker 1 I'm still working on that.

Speaker 9 I still have to figure that out.

Speaker 9 I really should listen to Stavby's World, by the way, folks.

Speaker 1 It's a great podcast.

Speaker 9 Six months, we still haven't sold a single app.

Speaker 9 So I get it. I'm fucking stupid, too.
I relate to Lamar in so many fucking ways. And it's like he is all the shit you want.

Speaker 9 Like, you motherfuckers, you were sucking your, you were coming in your pants, Tyler Haneke, fucking,

Speaker 9 you know, three good drives. Justin Fields doesn't fumble four times in a row.

Speaker 1 You described my entire, the Bears were literally the worst team in the NFL, and every Sunday I was like, this is going to be awesome. Yeah, dude.
Like, he's going to do something cool.

Speaker 9 It sucks so much, fucking dick. And it's like, and then what's the worst case scenario? If we sign Lamar to guarantee money, he gets hurt.
We suck dick for a few years. Well, guess what?

Speaker 9 We're about to suck dick for a few years. Like, it's like either buy the lottery ticket with the guy your fans love, have watched come up the whole time, and guess what?

Speaker 9 You might win a fucking Super Bowl. Everyone's like, oh, he hasn't done shit.
And, you know, it has bothered me as a Lamar fan how much everyone's sucking Josh Allen's cock over him.

Speaker 9 It's like, what did that motherfucker do this year?

Speaker 1 Oh, he's a friend.

Speaker 9 Well, I know, I know, and, you know, but he can suck my dick in this context. I think he's a good guy, but every

Speaker 9 in this specific context, he can suck my dick. Joe Burrow, I know he's your friend.
He can suck my dick in all contexts. Fuck the Cincinnati Bengals and everyone in the AFC North.

Speaker 9 But everyone is talking about how they're so much better. All this other shit.
It's like everyone is so fucking, has such a short attention span. Shit takes time for fucking quarterbacks.

Speaker 9 This shit is rare. How long did Peyton Manning, how long was he fucking blowing it in the playoffs? You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Well, so do you think, though, that maybe Lamar, that MVP season, like maybe too soon, not too soon, but like, no, he did it very quickly. Right.
And the injuries part, I think, is fair.

Speaker 8 The injuries part is definitely fair.

Speaker 9 But let's also look at it like all the quarterbacks we just talked about where Josh Allen starts showing some promise. They get him a fucking receiver.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean?

Speaker 9 They go out and get him digs. You look at Tua hadn't shown dick, and they fucking, how much did they invest in that offer?

Speaker 1 There's so much about that. You know what I mean?

Speaker 8 You can look at Kyler Murray. Look at Kyler Murray's Murray's contract.
He got five years, $230 million, and $160 million guaranteed.

Speaker 8 You think Lamar would have taken that?

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 9 I think if they didn't offer him that, literally, I'm not going to say what should happen, but it involves a gun and somebody who owns a certain sports franchise's head.

Speaker 9 If they didn't offer him that, that's what should fucking happen. I mean,

Speaker 9 I can't believe that they wouldn't offer him. that.
Like, that's fucking insane.

Speaker 8 I think Big Cat might be right, though. Like, if he had his MVP season last year or two years ago, he timed it.

Speaker 1 He's the reverse Flacco. Right, right, right, right, right, right.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he peaked, and then the last couple years have, like, we have to at least be honest, the last couple of years have not gone well with the injuries and the way the seasons have finished.

Speaker 9 And that's totally fair, but you also have to think, I personally think, like, how much of that is bad management? How much of that is, like,

Speaker 1 you guys got an F- in the strength to play.

Speaker 1 Exactly.

Speaker 9 No, truly, which is hilarious. It's a fucking NFL franchise.

Speaker 1 The strength fucking room.

Speaker 9 We have rusty weights. It's like working out at a fucking Planet Fitness at the Ravens facility.

Speaker 9 But like, how much of that from his perspective is like,

Speaker 9 and okay, you can argue, oh, you should be able to, you know, overcome any obstacle, whatever. But it's like...

Speaker 9 If you've we've all worked in shitty places, if your boss doesn't give you, is mistreating you, you're not going to fucking work hard.

Speaker 9 And part of it is like, he sees all the receivers everybody else gets. He sees all the help.
And it's like, not only are they not giving him shit, they're trading Hollywood Brown.

Speaker 9 Which, look, it was a good trade in terms of like value, and the guy gets hurt, whatever.

Speaker 9 We get a first rounder out of it, but optics-wise, the quarterback's like, hey, anyone but a fucking tight end to throw to, could I get that? And they're like, no, no, you cannot, as a matter of fact.

Speaker 9 And guess what? We're trading the only guy, the guy you're fucking friends with, the guy you guys are like, boy, both from the fucking Florida.

Speaker 9 You're working out in the offseason with him and his insane uncle. No, that guy's fucking gone.
And good luck with, you know,

Speaker 9 a returner.

Speaker 9 The returner, guess what? He's actually the number two now. It's fucking insane.

Speaker 1 That's the Ravens' way. It really is.

Speaker 8 The Ravens love doing that. The Ravens love not ever having a wide receiver.
They really do.

Speaker 9 Shout out to Jermaine Jackson.

Speaker 1 This is why, like, when the Bears traded for DJ Moore, it's like, this fucking rules. He literally has the most receiving yards.
He would be the number one receiver in Bears' history.

Speaker 1 So it's like, I know what you're saying. Like, you have to put guys around your franchise quarterback.

Speaker 9 And you're right about like, yes, the MV, if he had timed it different, but it's like, that's a failure on the Ravens' part where it's like, we're taking this for granted and we're going to like not build around him instantly.

Speaker 9 And it's like, you're not even learning the basic fucking lessons.

Speaker 9 Everyone now, like, again, I'm not as big a football guy as you guys, but even I know the best fucking window is when you have a fucking star quarterback on a rookie deal.

Speaker 9 Even a fucking dumbass like me understands that, but it's like, and you have an electric, and even even the arguments that are like, oh, Lamar's playing style isn't going to age as well.

Speaker 9 He's very, you know, he runs around all this shit. It's like, okay, well, then let's fucking

Speaker 9 make the most of these four fucking years.

Speaker 9 But instead, they treat him like shit. They not only, not only, it's like, you can't even say, like, look, they're bargaining with him hard, but at least they took care of him on the field.

Speaker 9 No, the fuck they didn't. The offense sucked dick.
It was like, it really was like schoolyard football of like the playbook ended up being like, all right, third and whatever, Lamar does some stuff.

Speaker 1 Do something cool.

Speaker 1 Do something. Do something cool, cool, Lamar.

Speaker 9 Was called 80% of the time in high-leverage downs.

Speaker 1 It was do something cool, Lamar.

Speaker 9 Or it was a fucking, you know, three running backs, you know, option bullshit. You know what I mean? It was like the wishbone.

Speaker 1 Those were the two things.

Speaker 8 Take care of you guys. At least they could.
Steve Viscotty could have put some brick watches in the lobby for Lamar to pick up.

Speaker 1 Yeah, just say thank you. Keep the players happy.

Speaker 9 It's a fucking disgrace, truly. It fucking sucks so much, Dick.

Speaker 1 So what's the worst case scenario? Because I think I know it, and I'll say it.

Speaker 1 Bill Belichick has always had eyes on my body.

Speaker 9 My God, dude.

Speaker 1 And you saw yesterday.

Speaker 9 I will fucking put on

Speaker 9 a suicide vest, and I will drive.

Speaker 1 I won't do it.

Speaker 9 Somebody else will. It won't be me.
Delete the part that said I would do it.

Speaker 9 A guy I know would probably put on a suicide bomb and drive right to the Patriots facility the day they announced the signing.

Speaker 1 It was Meek Mill. Meek Mill's trying to get it.

Speaker 1 That was

Speaker 1 Meek Mill texted. And by the way, who the fuck is Meek Mill?

Speaker 9 Roof for the Eagles, you fucking piece of shit.

Speaker 1 Fuck Robert Kraft. Fuck Meek Mill.
Robert Kraft saying that out loud was so hilarious because he essentially said, I want Lamar Jackson, but it's up to Bill Belichick.

Speaker 9 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 He's like, Meek Mill hit me up.

Speaker 1 He said he wanted Lamar Jackson on the Patriots, but that's Bill Belichick's decision.

Speaker 9 Dude, if he goes to the fucking Patreon, because if he goes to the Patriots, you know he will do exactly what's necessary. It's like a fucking, it'll be, it really is the absolute worst case.

Speaker 1 Absolute worst.

Speaker 9 Because it's like a fuck, you give a guy who's been completely underutilized, not only personnel-wise, but like, you know, whatever.

Speaker 9 It was a meme to make fun of Greg Roman, but still, the offense was not fucking imaginative at all. It was fucking dog shit.
So you take a guy and you put him with the Patriots, who now.

Speaker 9 Fucking Bill Belichick has something to prove.

Speaker 9 After last year, he embarrassed. Tom Brady wins a fucking Super Bowl, you know, gets deep and does another deep playoff run without him.

Speaker 9 Belichick fucking embarrasses himself trying to like, you know, get his boys, like that fucking moron. Uh,

Speaker 9 Patricia's fucking an offensive coach.

Speaker 1 What the fuck?

Speaker 9 Belichick was like, let's just fuck it, let's fuck around, brother. Like, that really was like, who gives a fuck? I'm checked out.
I'm coming into work drunk. Yeah, Matt, you fucking do it.

Speaker 9 I don't fucking care. He was like, oh, wait, fuck.

Speaker 1 I didn't hire an offensive coordinator.

Speaker 9 Matt, what do you, you know, you know, plays, right, dude? Like, that's what last season felt like.

Speaker 9 And now he has something to prove. No Brady.
It's like, everyone's talking about how.

Speaker 1 Oh, they'll win a Super Bowl. They will win a Super Bowl.
And I hate the fucking Patriots.

Speaker 9 I hate, like, outside of the AFC North, obviously, outside of the Steelers,

Speaker 9 a little bit, the Bengals, even though whatever, they can suck my dick still.

Speaker 9 There's no worse team than the Patriots.

Speaker 8 Bill Belchick has tried to do, he's gotten bored with football. I think where he's now trying to, he's trying to beat the game like it's Madden on expert mode.
So he dominated for so long.

Speaker 8 Now he's like, you know what? Fuck it.

Speaker 8 I'm going to put my son as defensive coordinator.

Speaker 8 I'm going to get a rocket scientist that's never coached offense to take all my plays on offense. You know what?

Speaker 8 Now I'd really like to be able to win the Super Bowl with a completely different style of play, like with a quarterback that runs the ball.

Speaker 1 Like that's interesting.

Speaker 8 That would be interesting to figure out how to break the league that way.

Speaker 9 Fully, fully. It would be a gift that would just fall into his fucking lap.

Speaker 9 And by the way, I mean, I don't even want to start talking about trade, like what we would need back in a trade because then it starts feeling very real.

Speaker 1 Well, so here's the interesting part.

Speaker 1 It doesn't have to be the two first. No, no, it's the non-exclusive.
So a bench,

Speaker 1 basically the Ravens were like, we're going to let you talk to everyone. If someone signs you to a deal, we're just going to sign you to the same deal because he's worth more than that.

Speaker 9 That's what I was begging.

Speaker 9 In my heart, I was like, it's all a fucking ploy. They're going to see what he gets.
And then, guess what? They'll throw a couple extra million at him to just really smooth things over. Yeah.

Speaker 9 But that's, yeah, that's what I was hoping. Obviously, that doesn't feel like what's going to happen.

Speaker 1 Well, I think there's also a weird thing that's at play now because we're so close to the draft. I think teams are not going to do, they're not going to try to trade for Lamar right now.

Speaker 9 Because they all love the board.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they love the board. They have a pick they want to take or whatever.
After the draft, they might be like, all right, it actually makes perfect sense. Like, if you're going to trade for Lamar.

Speaker 1 Do it in the future draft picks that you have to trade because if you have Lamar, you probably won't be bad.

Speaker 9 And you want the team around him as good as possible, as quickly as possible.

Speaker 8 Right. If I was the Jets, I would be talking to Lamar right now.
I know they said that they're not going to do it, and I think that they're fucking stupid.

Speaker 8 They're saying that they're not going to do it, and they're afraid that Aaron Rodgers is going to see them talking to Lamar, and then Aaron Rodgers will, like, I don't know, have some sort of revelation of, like, this person doesn't actually love me.

Speaker 8 And then he's going to go into a different frame of mind where he might want to go, who knows, back to the Packers or somewhere else.

Speaker 8 He might feel like he's disrespected because they're talking to another quarterback.

Speaker 1 They should talk.

Speaker 8 The Jets should absolutely talk to Lamar Jackson at the very minimum.

Speaker 9 From a baseline, like put a little pressure on the negotiation. Yeah.

Speaker 9 Because they're in a weird, no-one-has-leverage situation between the Packers and the Jets, where it's like, no one, the Packers got to get rid of fucking Rodgers, and the Jets have no other options.

Speaker 9 Now you have Lamar, and it's like, yeah, at least make the Packers sweat a little bit.

Speaker 9 And if you're not a dumbass, Aaron Rodgers should understand that that might get a better, might make the team he's going on have to trade less to get him.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I feel like the Jets should have leverage if they had played this correctly right because aaron didn't he fucked the leverage up by just going on well the whole thing from everything that's i've read because i obviously am like reading it all going like please please of course get out of this deal done like do you need me to help what if what if somehow he stays and the lions get lamar

Speaker 1 that's that's the only that's like a uno reverse where it's like i wouldn't feel good but at least you'd suffer a little bit yeah you know what i mean no that would be very bad that'd be very bad i actually i actually don't think that aaron is going to play for the packers no matter what yeah i think i think it's more likely that he retires than he goes back to the Packers.

Speaker 1 But what it's all come down to with the Packers and the Jets, and it makes sense from the Jets' perspective, they're essentially saying, all right, you get the Jets, the Packers want a first and a second.

Speaker 1 The Jets are like, let's give you two seconds, and if Aaron stays on the roster for two years, one of them will become a first. Because they essentially are like,

Speaker 1 we don't want to trade for a guy who could just be like, I'm going to fucking South America in a year and quitting football, which totally makes sense from the Jets' perspective.

Speaker 1 So I think that's, like, if the Jets called up the Packers today and were like, all right, first and second, no stipulations, the deal would be done.

Speaker 1 And I get it. Like, the Jets don't want to trade for a guy that could be like, I quit football after a year.
Yeah, and

Speaker 9 if you're the Packers, I guess

Speaker 9 at push comes a shove, you got to think they're going to take whatever the fuck they tell them, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think, yeah. It seems like, and it would,

Speaker 1 you're basically, it's funny that they'll, like, trade Aaron Rodgers, but still be tied to him because he has to keep playing for for a couple years for that to become her first pick, which I kind of love.

Speaker 1 That is pretty funny. Yeah, they like they like they're like a divorced couple, but they don't have any kids, but they have a dog and they have to like figure out how to deal with this.

Speaker 9 As long as the dog stays alive, you get alimony.

Speaker 1 Yeah, right. Exactly.

Speaker 9 Like, please feed him. Feed the fucking dog.

Speaker 1 Right, right.

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Speaker 1 Lamar going to the Patriots would suck for you. Where else would it really suck? I don't know.

Speaker 9 I mean, there's no interdivision. There's no way they're trading him into the division.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the Colts are the only other team.

Speaker 9 The Colts would suck, though, too, because you have the wrinkle of they stole the fucking team. Right.
And, like, that pill-popping cocksucker, Ursay,

Speaker 9 he's just fucking, he's the one owner that none of the owners fuck with.

Speaker 9 And he might just do it to be like, I mean, it's good that he's a cheap prick, so that's the only reason, but like he likes to fuck with the other owners.

Speaker 9 You know, he goes off all the time and says shit he's not supposed to.

Speaker 1 Which I love from him.

Speaker 9 So that did scare me, but I didn't know the thing you were talking about where he was talking about how he doesn't want to pay.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, he was going off in the leave meeting being like, we can't have it become basketball and baseball. We can't do the guaranteed contract.

Speaker 8 He said, he actually did say the quiet part out loud. And all the other owners are like, dude, you can't say that.

Speaker 1 You can't say this to a reporter.

Speaker 9 But then again, you know, let's say none of the quarterbacks they want fall to them. Let's say he's on some fucking white wine and zanny bars.

Speaker 9 Who's to say he's not signing that fucking check when he's really feeling it?

Speaker 8 They could bond over being poop guys.

Speaker 8 Jim Ursai, he threw off Josh McDaniels during the interview because he went to his house and stayed in the bathroom for 45 minutes.

Speaker 8 Him and Lamar just share a bath. He gets the keys to Jim Ursai's bathroom.

Speaker 1 Well, look, you know, fucking opioids block you up. You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 9 He's constipated, and then when it's coming, it's coming.

Speaker 1 Let's tell the funniest story. Joshua Daniel's wife was like, this guy's giving me a bad vibe.
He's been in the bathroom for 45 minutes.

Speaker 9 I love the idea that he's shitting and beating off in there. And doing that.
You know, the old sixth grade, you got to squeeze one in. The whole family's around.

Speaker 1 We should say, by the way.

Speaker 9 It's a cover of a shit to jack off.

Speaker 1 Jim Merce is probably top of the list of owners we'd want to party with. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 I actually like his vibe a lot.

Speaker 8 I like Jim Merce. I would like to hang out with him.

Speaker 8 I would work for Jim Ursa.

Speaker 9 Yeah, yeah, whatever. Fuck the Colts.
Fuck Jim Ursay.

Speaker 8 That's why I thought Snyder might make a move at him for the Commanders

Speaker 8 because of the escrow thing. For sure.
Because the bill wouldn't become due until after Snyder sold the team. So he'd sell the team for $7 billion or whatever.

Speaker 8 And then the very first thing that would happen to the new owner is like, oh, yeah, you got to put $300 million extra dollars into escrow.

Speaker 1 Right, right, right.

Speaker 9 Yeah, and

Speaker 9 to fuck all the other owners on the way out, right? Because all they want to do is no guaranteed money. Snyder, know, him being like, fuck it.

Speaker 8 We would treat him so good.

Speaker 1 DC. Lamar, like, if Lamar, come, come to Washington.

Speaker 8 No, fuck you.

Speaker 9 Fuck you in all those Photoshops. You did it.
You had a part to play in this, you motherfucker.

Speaker 1 You were putting the energy in the world.

Speaker 9 Spending like, fucking how much? You know, half of Barcelona's Photoshop budget was going on Lamar for the first time.

Speaker 1 Oh, our guy, Shane, we found out after because we were just having him, like, I was having him do some stuff too. And he, uh,

Speaker 1 we like one of Max or memes told us after, they're like, yeah, it takes Shane like five hours to do that. You were a really good Photoshop.

Speaker 8 People were hitting me up being like, Yo, who's your Photoshop guy? These Lamars.

Speaker 1 It's pretty good.

Speaker 1 Also, I was like, Yeah,

Speaker 8 I do think that to a certain extent,

Speaker 8 the conversation reached the upper levels of the Washington Commander's management. They asked Martin Mayhew, their general manager, about it yesterday.

Speaker 8 He's like, I have no idea where all this Lamar to DC stuff is coming from, but it's become a thing in the media. It's literally because we just put our Photoshop out of work.

Speaker 1 And let me just say a warning out to everyone out there. Shane is, he's a devious guy.

Speaker 1 I love that he's on our side. He puts a little secret watermark on these, and he showed me once, like, every media company is using his Photoshops.
That's awesome.

Speaker 1 So, like, I actually wouldn't be shocked if Aaron Rodgers goes to the Jets. Like, week one in the Jumbotron, they're using Shane's photos.
Yeah, that would be great. That would be great.

Speaker 8 I would love him so much in D.C., though. I would treat you so good.

Speaker 9 See, that's the thing. It's like, I'm torn between, I hate even having these conversations because it makes it real.

Speaker 9 But it's like, I don't, like, if he goes to your shitty fucking franchise, something bad is going to fucking happen.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, like Turf will kill him. I don't.

Speaker 9 And so it's like, it's like, it's, again, it's like a relationship where it's like, you did actually love the person, and things have, you've been ripped apart for, you know, factors that neither one of you wants.

Speaker 9 So it's like, I don't want him to, like, go and blow it. I want him to go fucking win, you know, but I just don't, it can't be with the fucking Patriots.
It can't be in the division.

Speaker 9 I mean, honestly, it's got NFC,

Speaker 9 just get him out of the fucking fucking conference, you know, the completely.

Speaker 8 It's bullshit, though, that the conversation around Lamar is he's a running back that's playing quarterback, and you're not giving him the opportunity to even get better at passing. Like,

Speaker 8 you're saying that with the expectation that he won't grow as a passer? Mike Vick grew as a passer over the course of the year. They just don't

Speaker 9 grew as a passer.

Speaker 9 It is going to be so fucking embarrassing when he is, because he is fucking awesome. Like, we, like, okay, the injuries are a real thing, but F minus on the fucking, you know, we

Speaker 9 how about the turf?

Speaker 1 Mars, the diet. Listen, Mortensen told me the diet, it reminded me of when Derek Rose was just eating candy on the sidelines.
Like, you got to, you know. No, true.

Speaker 9 I mean, but that's what's going to happen here.

Speaker 9 It just feels so horrible to be a Ravens, to be a Ravens fan here, because, especially because

Speaker 9 he's his own agent, right? He's representing himself. Everything,

Speaker 9 he's taking it personally, clearly, right? The way the organization has negotiated with him has rubbed him the wrong way for two fucking years.

Speaker 9 So, I mean, I think we're at the point where even if the Ravens were like, look, you can have the Deshaun contract, I don't think he'd fucking come with the

Speaker 9 I really don't think so.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, you're right.

Speaker 9 I don't want it to be the case, but that's what I feel in my heart.

Speaker 1 It wasn't just yesterday because obviously, remember at the end of the season when he released all his medical stuff. Yeah.
And he was like, this is

Speaker 1 stop saying that I can play and like, stop believing that, like, I'm just sitting out for no reason. Here's my medical stuff, which most players don't do.

Speaker 9 Right. No, and that's again, that's the other thing where the Ravens, it's like they're thinking, well, we're, well, he doesn't have an agent.
Great.

Speaker 1 We'll win the PR war.

Speaker 9 But it's like, that's not how this shit works. It's a fucking human being.
You're not fucking playing Madden, you fucking dumbasses.

Speaker 9 So every time that you think you got one on Lamar, no, now he hates you more, you fucking retards.

Speaker 9 Like, it's just, I'm so, everything they've done is wrong in every fucking direction, and it's fucking embarrassing. It's just like, we have squandered this guy.

Speaker 9 And it's like, look, if he got hurt, he got hurt.

Speaker 11 Who gives a fuck?

Speaker 9 It's like, that's the thing about being a fan. You love your guys.
And it's like, we loved Lamar. If he got hurt, it would be fucking sad.

Speaker 9 And then we'd be like, fine, fucking Huntley can run, you know, two and a half yards of fucking play.

Speaker 1 I don't give a fuck. He could try to reach for the end zone, even though he's short.

Speaker 1 You know what?

Speaker 8 It reminds me of.

Speaker 9 At that point, we'd have good karma, those would, like, if he got hurt and they're like, we're going to scrap together and win it for Lamar. That's what the feeling would be like.

Speaker 9 Instead of now, it's like, same team. No, it's like, I mean, I really, I don't want to get too extreme, but I'm like, am I going to fucking boycott a season to show the Ravens?

Speaker 1 I probably. No, you definitely won't.

Speaker 1 You'll find that. I mean, that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
You know that

Speaker 9 Sunday.

Speaker 9 Maybe I just won't watch Ravens games.

Speaker 1 You know what I'm saying? No, you still will watch them. Oh, well, I'll take a picture.

Speaker 1 They're on the little TV, though. They're on the small, they're on my laptop.

Speaker 1 Take that. You'll boycott the preseason.

Speaker 1 And I'm watching them on Reddit.

Speaker 9 I'm not letting you get the fucking views, NFL.

Speaker 1 It reminds me a little bit of Kawhi.

Speaker 1 That's a boycott.

Speaker 8 Remember at the end of the Spurs with Kawhi? How he was being weird about his leg injury and all that shit?

Speaker 9 That's exactly what this is felt like.

Speaker 8 And then he asked for a trade afterwards.

Speaker 8 That's what it seems like to me. You know what? The ultimate power play.

Speaker 8 Now, if the players had their shit together, and it's tough to ask players to do this, but who are the next quarterbacks that are coming up right now for deals? Joe Burrow?

Speaker 1 Joe Burrow's coming up.

Speaker 1 Herbert will be coming up. Yeah, Herbert's coming up.

Speaker 8 If the big-name quarterbacks got together and they're like, we're not going to sign

Speaker 8 a deal that's not fully guaranteed. No chance.

Speaker 1 Joe Burrow will be interesting, though, because he is one of those guys that you got to pay, but the Bengals are cheap. Yeah.
Like he will, you'll run into a similar

Speaker 1 talk.

Speaker 8 Watson Crooks tying the bandanas together. But that's another thing.

Speaker 9 Dude, that's what would be so fucking heartbreaking if the people who start this are the fucking Browns, right? Yeah. By being fucking married.

Speaker 1 Jimmy Haslam just ruins everything.

Speaker 9 And then

Speaker 9 the Ravens take a stand for the good of fucking your players over. Wow, what a great karmic fucking franchise to be.

Speaker 9 And then the cheap-ass Bengals of next year, those motherfuckers give Joe Burrow $2.50 guaranteed. And then we're just the only ones that never did it for Lamar.

Speaker 1 Again,

Speaker 9 a guy I know will go somewhere with certain things.

Speaker 8 You only get one of those savvy.

Speaker 1 If you already used your suicide vest in the patriotism, that's not how suicide is. I don't know what you mean, me.

Speaker 9 It's not me. It's a guy I know.

Speaker 1 So you really should be mad at Tennessee football. This all goes back to Tennessee football because Tennessee football was good.

Speaker 1 Jimmy Haslem maybe doesn't buy the Browns because he was running the show there. Right.
Where's that little donor? Yeah.

Speaker 9 Where's that little man in cocksucker? He could have been born like five years earlier, and I probably would be okay right now.

Speaker 1 Fuck, dude.

Speaker 9 This fucking sucks so much, Dick. And it's like, what am I going to have to watch?

Speaker 1 But you're going to still watch. I don't know, man.

Speaker 1 I don't want to go back to those days. the fucking chris fucking redmond fucking oh kyle kyle bowler kyle bowler fucking oh he's stone you could just come back with us dude listen it's fine

Speaker 1 not having a quarterback for the entirety of your franchise is totally normal at least we had the awesome defense but that's that doesn't look like it's good like well it's the ravens way you win a quarterback with a

Speaker 8 like a historically underperforming or you win a super bowl with a historically underperforming quarterback trent dilfer

Speaker 9 trend dilfer i mean flacco was the fucking man that that run.

Speaker 1 Yeah, what about bringing Joe back?

Speaker 8 Dude, listen.

Speaker 1 Free agent.

Speaker 1 No joke.

Speaker 9 Even as much as, and the hard part is, like, obviously I've done that character a bunch, and then it just took on a life of its own to the point where, like, I put out these videos of just the dumbass who loves Flacco, obviously.

Speaker 9 And people have started coming to shows in, like, Joe Flacco jerseys and being like, Flacco, dude, we need him. And I'm like, no,

Speaker 9 that's the joke, you dumbass. Of course, we're fucked if he's our quarterback.
Like, only a moron would believe these things, but at the same time,

Speaker 9 I see him suit up in that number five. He throws a great spot.

Speaker 9 I would not be mad. Like, there'd be one game where he'd like beat the Browns, and it would feel like old times again.
You know what I mean? I would feel, you know what I mean?

Speaker 9 My dick would be getting hard, normal again.

Speaker 9 I'd be in college again. It would be awesome.

Speaker 8 The first time he throws like a 60-yard bomb, that's

Speaker 8 for a 70-yard wide receiver, and it's underthrown, and he gets that.

Speaker 1 Get that PI dude. At that point, you're like,

Speaker 1 I'm back in. I'm back in on Flacco.
He's like 11, baby.

Speaker 1 You are us in the fact that, like, it's, it's a blessing and a curse that we are the same way where it's, we have meatball, like, thoughts in our brain. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 But we have a little bit more intelligence to realize, hey, that's a meatball thought. But those still exist.
They exist. And you can revert to it at any time.
No. Being like, oh, yeah.
Flacco. Like,

Speaker 1 we could win with Flacco.

Speaker 9 Once Lamar leaves, I will have to revert there to protect my psyche. Yeah.
Like, I'll be, if I, if I'm thinking higher thoughts, they will be dangerous.

Speaker 1 You have a football lobotomy? I want to have a football lobotomy.

Speaker 1 We're just sitting there drinking applesauce through a straw. Being like, Flago, Flaggo.
Joey, put Joey in. Where the fuck's Joey at?

Speaker 9 Huntley's a piece of shit.

Speaker 1 Trade whatever. Get Joey back.

Speaker 1 We need a pill that football fans can take and just make you a full meatball and just be excited about playing defense and running the ball.

Speaker 1 Run the damn ball, Couch. Run it.
Run the fucking ball. Fucking three yards and a clown at the

Speaker 1 hunt on fourth and one.

Speaker 1 You got to play field position. It's old school shit.

Speaker 8 I think Bengals fans had that for a while, too, with their defense, where they would just have to turn off the logical part of their brain. Be like, I fucking love Vantes' birthday.

Speaker 8 This guy is so much fun to watch.

Speaker 9 I mean, and what a name. I hate to compliment any Bengal, but Vantes.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Awesome. So sick.
Perfect.

Speaker 1 Sick. So sick.

Speaker 9 It's like a dumbass trying to remember perfect.

Speaker 1 It's like my son saying perfect. Yeah, yeah, toddler.

Speaker 9 That would literally be what a toddler would name an awesome football player.

Speaker 1 Perfect. Vontez Berfict.

Speaker 1 And then they had Vontez Berfect, and then, oh, then we got Pac-Man at quarterback. And he is a six-year-old's favorite team, for sure.
It absolutely is. But yeah, the,

Speaker 1 you know, listen, I would rather be us, though, to be able to revert to the meatball than some of the nerds who, like, for sure.

Speaker 1 They, they can't see football how, you know, it was meant to be played back 50 years ago. Of course, of course, of course.

Speaker 9 It's like, yeah, talking about don't fucking throw it on first. What are you doing? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Stop using one hand to catch the ball. What if you don't get the combo? What if they don't get a completion on first?

Speaker 1 Second and 10.

Speaker 1 You could have set up a second and seven.

Speaker 9 You idiot. I will have to watch football.
The Ravens will be so bad, dude. It's going to be.
And now I'm like, people in my life are having kids.

Speaker 9 I'm like, they could have been watching Lamar for their first memories.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 9 And it's like, it's like, they better. Like, when, you know, there's, you know, I'm just like, I don't want to have like, you know, nieces and nephews that have to watch dog shit football.

Speaker 9 You know, that's literally what I'm thinking of right now. I'm like, they robbed Lamar.
They robbed like, because a little kid watching Lamar will love the Ravens forever.

Speaker 9 But if the team is dog shit, that's a great fear of mine, especially when you don't live in the city that you're, you know what what I mean?

Speaker 9 Where it's like a kid, you know, you fucking, an inferior, like, we could be trapped in one, in a fucking DC or Bears-esque death spiral for 15 years.

Speaker 1 It happens.

Speaker 1 It's been longer than that.

Speaker 9 I know. I'm trying to be nice.

Speaker 1 You had flashes. Her lacquer was pretty cool.
Listen, Justin Fields is like my, it's my team.

Speaker 9 All right, dude. Justin Fields for Lamar.
No, straight up.

Speaker 1 Do you know what? It's funny because I've said this in the fall. Like, with Justin Fields ascending to where he was last year.
I know he's got a lot to work with.

Speaker 1 Everyone's going to be like, oh, he can't pass. I found myself defending Lamar a lot more because I'm like, yeah, dude, he's electric.
Like, I get it. I understand what it is.

Speaker 1 It's so much fun to watch.

Speaker 9 Dude, I literally, like, I've been seeing his highlights in my head.

Speaker 9 Like, I've been seeing the fuck those spin move, that spin move where he fucking got out of three cocksucking Bengals were trying to tackle him. And I literally see that when I close my eyes.

Speaker 9 Like, it's been a tough 24 hours.

Speaker 8 He would, like, stop short, and then people would just dive into the damn thing. Oh,

Speaker 1 you'd sneak through like you could find a crack.

Speaker 8 He was the best at going from 60 to zero. He was the best at stopping in the NFL.
It was so fun to watch all these awesome players just look like they were dizzy trying to tackle like Lamar Jackson.

Speaker 9 No, it was fucking sick. He reposted the video I did yesterday on his story.
I damn it. I was like, Lamar, I hope you watched the whole video.
It is a joke. I am on your side.

Speaker 9 The franchise is at fault here.

Speaker 1 It has not been read.

Speaker 9 But I think he got it.

Speaker 9 He literally reposted it, and

Speaker 9 he was like,

Speaker 9 you know, I still love y'all. It's not, you know, a lot of stuff hasn't come out.
And then he was like, but this is funny as shit, though. So I think he got it.
Yeah.

Speaker 9 Because the video I'm talking about, you know,

Speaker 9 getting my baby mama to sell pussy to keep Lamar over.

Speaker 9 So I think he understood it was a joke, and it's not a man soliciting prostitution

Speaker 9 to raise 250 mil.

Speaker 8 But I mean, credit to you for, like, you throw that out there. You're like, ha ha, I would do this as a joke.
And then,

Speaker 8 but when push comes to shove, it's like, yeah, probably.

Speaker 9 There's a lot of people in Baltimore that would truly sex traffic their loved ones to keep Lamar on the team. No questions asked.

Speaker 8 You're not going to have Ravens fans doing the jersey burning after Lamar,

Speaker 1 are you? No, no. I hope not.

Speaker 9 I mean, yeah, there will be some.

Speaker 9 And that's the thing.

Speaker 9 It's like, I wanted, like, when I, when I did, because the character I do is the dumbest Ravens fan, but I couldn't, because there was a very racist, like, very stupid jersey-burning way to go with that character yesterday, but I was like, it's, it's, I can't do it.

Speaker 1 It was not in my heart. Right.

Speaker 9 But there will be a few. I mean, you do see, even in the comments of like the shit I was posting yesterday, you see people being like,

Speaker 1 literally being like overrated, getting hurt, no respect for the game. Like that diet shit.
Yeah, bad diet. Dude, he doesn't sleep.

Speaker 1 The bad diet is still Chris Morton tweeting that out. Just, I mean, questions about his diet.
Yeah.

Speaker 9 It's like, how do you fucking look yourself in the mirror? It's like, come on. You have to beg the guy.
You have to beg whatever Ravens PR person told you to say that.

Speaker 1 I have a family member. I can't do this.

Speaker 9 I'm going to be disgraced.

Speaker 1 I can't tweet this. All right.
So

Speaker 1 let's wrap up with some positive things.

Speaker 1 The Bucks. The Bucks.
Giannis. It's fucking awesome.
Yeah. How are you feeling about NBA playoffs?

Speaker 9 I'm feeling really good about it.

Speaker 9 I do think, I really, I mean, the Bucs are the prohibitive favorite. It feels like the West is such a fucking mess.
Who knows who the fuck's going to come out of there?

Speaker 9 And I think the Celtics can suck my dick. I think ever since Joe Missoula, do you see where he,

Speaker 9 when the fucking, the queen of England or whatever, or the prince came to visit? Oh, yeah. And they asked him about that, and he was like, I thought the only royal family was Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.

Speaker 1 And I was like, all right, they're going to lose.

Speaker 9 No fucking bitch-ass nerd who says something like that is winning a fucking championship. So ever since he says that, I'm out.
And then then I was scared of the Sixers,

Speaker 9 but there's just, and look, before him and Giannis were feuding, I was a Harden fan.

Speaker 9 I just, there's something I love about somebody who just, you know, doesn't reach his potential, gets fat as shit at the most important moments, goes to strip clubs, and like when it's, it's awesome when it doesn't matter, and then as soon as the lights are on, you shrink up.

Speaker 9 Again, I fully relate to a man like that. Squandering your talent and just, you know, having a good ass time.
I love Hardin for that.

Speaker 9 But he was playing awesome, but it's just like some about the, like, there's too much Doc Rivers, you know, Harden, even Embiid, who is great. It's like, he's a little, you know,

Speaker 9 he's like injury prone a little bit.

Speaker 1 Max.

Speaker 9 I'd love to speak, you know, if you want to talk about it, Max. I'd love to talk about it.

Speaker 1 Max gets irrationally angry about all this stuff.

Speaker 9 It's true. You know, everything I'm saying is pure facts.

Speaker 3 No, there's nothing that we've said that to prove otherwise than what he's saying.

Speaker 3 But, you know, there's always a first for everything.

Speaker 1 Okay, I respect that. There's a first for everything.

Speaker 1 What if everything works out perfectly? He's due. He's due.
And that's another meatball. That's another coaching mechanism.
He's due.

Speaker 1 Like, what if everything works perfectly?

Speaker 1 Well, no, it won't, but what if it won't?

Speaker 3 I do think the city of Philadelphia, this would be the time for it to work because everyone

Speaker 3 has that same feeling of like, we've seen this before, we've seen this before.

Speaker 1 So I'm twisting my brain. But also, let me ask you this.
Hype is less this year. Five days ago, Max, you were like, we're winning the championship.
Well, we've lost four in the last five days.

Speaker 9 Well, let me ask you this. Let's say, game seven of the finals,

Speaker 9 would you be drinking champagne the night before?

Speaker 1 Oh, what do you think about that? That's a good question.

Speaker 1 I didn't think you knew about that.

Speaker 9 I had to watch. I was excited.

Speaker 1 You watched the video of him in the game. It's one of my favorite videos.

Speaker 1 I was like, a fucking headache.

Speaker 1 I have to suck up all the others.

Speaker 9 Like, I literally have gone back and looked at sports sorrow from other fan bases.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 9 Because I'm at my lowest right now.

Speaker 1 It's literally.

Speaker 9 All I have is people being sad.

Speaker 1 The foundation of Barstool Sports is Dave always wins and everyone else always loses.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 the most popular shows we ever do is when we are in the absolute bottom.

Speaker 1 Like for a while there, we would look at the numbers and it was like our number one show was Mike Florio. And we're like, wait, what was that? And it's like, oh, that was the double doink.

Speaker 1 And it was like, everyone's just listening to be an asshole.

Speaker 9 Dude, I was refreshing my shit. I was like, let's see what fucking big cat's got to say about this.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Sick.

Speaker 8 Because you don't want to listen to some guy that's super successful.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 8 Go tune into Gary Vee talk about how much money you have.

Speaker 9 That's also why, truly, if Lamar goes to the Patriots, I just cannot. I was just...
Hank is going to get a joke.

Speaker 9 Dude, I was tasting them talking about them. Oh, my God.
Put in fucking Zappy.

Speaker 1 Shut the fuck up.

Speaker 9 I was excited for like 10 years of whoever the fuck the next Zappy was and just them losing and being dog shit. Belichick going senile.
His son just getting to inherit

Speaker 9 the throne. Just like, you know, oh, that would have been awesome.
If they get Lamar, oh, they're getting Lamar. Don't fucking do that.

Speaker 1 I would chill out.

Speaker 8 In a weird way, I would love to see it.

Speaker 1 Stop! I would.

Speaker 1 Shut the fuck up, both of you. It would be fucking horrible for everyone.
You know, he wanted him in that draft, too.

Speaker 9 He could have fucking drafted him. No, no, no.

Speaker 1 He could have drafted him.

Speaker 9 He chose not to. Fuck him.
I thought it was happening. Literally, that's what.
I was... I mean, there's no way to prove this, right?

Speaker 9 I hate to be the guy who's like, dude, I've been on this the whole time. But this would be so horrible because it's like...
I saw, this already happened. The Patriots were ahead of us in the draft.

Speaker 9 And I was like, he's going to the fucking Patriots. Because I truly loved Lamar from the fucking jump.
And the fact that we, this is, it's even worse. Like, it's one thing to get rejected, right?

Speaker 9 It's one thing to try and fuck this beautiful woman, but to, like, get it and then be like, you know what? Actually, no, I don't want you.

Speaker 9 And then she goes back to the guy you were worried about the whole time. It's like, it's even worse than never having it.
If I'd never drafted Lamar, I'm happy, bro.

Speaker 1 That's true.

Speaker 9 We suck, dick.

Speaker 1 You should never have good dicks.

Speaker 9 We suck dick. Nothing bad has happened.
You know, Harbaugh's gone. Who knows who the fuck is coaching? You know, what horrible coach we have.
Hopefully, he's fat as shit. Love a fat football coach.

Speaker 9 Some just, you know, we're fucking nine and fucking eight, whatever the fuck. Yeah.
Who gives a fuck?

Speaker 1 That's the dream, man.

Speaker 8 I would love to be nine and eight.

Speaker 1 Go nine and nine and eight.

Speaker 1 You won't win the Super Bowl.

Speaker 1 Well, you've won Super Bowls, but we had the hypothetical a few weeks ago where it's like we would take, if in the next 50 years, you told me you could lose 15 Super Bowls or win one but miss the playoffs in all other 49 years.

Speaker 1 We're like, we'd love to lose a Super Bowl. 15 championships.
So many NFC championships. It's a dynasty.

Speaker 8 And think of the ratings and the shows after we've been playing.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. Absolutely.
It'll be so much fun to root for a team that goes to the Super Bowl 15 times.

Speaker 9 But that's another wrinkle. Sorry to keep talking about why the Ravens organization has fucked us all.

Speaker 9 We've had a couple Super Bowl. We're not even like that where you're like, well, if he gets hurt, we're fucked.
And it's like, and our chance for the Super Bowl is over.

Speaker 9 Dude, we're not even close to having that desperate. It's going to be another 15 years.

Speaker 1 No, you guys are a model franchise in terms of like consistently being in the mix.

Speaker 9 Exactly. So stay in the mix with one of the fucking most talented quarterbacks there.
It's just like, ah, build around him instead of taking him for granted.

Speaker 8 And who else liked Lamar was Sean Payton in the draft.

Speaker 9 He loved Lamar.

Speaker 8 What about this?

Speaker 1 I have no idea how the cap works, all right?

Speaker 9 Yeah, yeah. I have no idea like that.

Speaker 8 Yeah, yeah, yeah. As far as I'm concerned, it's numbers that don't really work.

Speaker 1 There's no way that would work.

Speaker 8 They just tell teams that there's a salary cap and they trust the teams like, okay, they're scared of a salary cap violation.

Speaker 1 They're all cheap pieces of shit.

Speaker 8 Yeah, exactly. So I don't know how this works with numbers, but Sean Payton loves Lamar.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 8 I can already tell he hates Russell Wilson because right day one, he's like, yeah, he brings his own coaches into the building.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's not going to work.

Speaker 8 Could they trade Russell Wilson?

Speaker 8 No, no, no. To the Ravens.

Speaker 1 Get them all. They're not unlimited.

Speaker 9 They've already

Speaker 1 done it.

Speaker 8 You're telling on yourself for not having an unlimited mindset.

Speaker 1 That is true.

Speaker 9 I am showing my limitedness right now.

Speaker 9 I think, didn't they trade everything to the fucking Seahawks to get him? Yeah.

Speaker 9 It's like,

Speaker 9 if we were to take on that horrendous contract, we would need like eight first round. It would be like the four Lamar deserves.
I don't know about this two bullshit.

Speaker 9 And like four to take on that horrendous contract. But yeah, it's like, that's the other thing.
It's like, I don't know where he would go where it would be cool.

Speaker 9 But I would love to see him with a fucking offensive mind like that. That would be sick.

Speaker 9 And I mean, although AFC still, but like, put him in that. Truly, just put him in that.
No joke, big guy, I would love to see him go on the Lions because that would be a good idea.

Speaker 1 Jaredoff is good. He's very good.

Speaker 1 Hey, we'll take him.

Speaker 9 We'll place hold of QB for a couple years.

Speaker 1 Listen, you just stumbled upon, though, where you can go with this. So Lamar either stays with you guys, you're happy.

Speaker 1 Or if you get three or four first-round picks, you just play that game for the next four years where you're like, oh, we got this pick, we got this pick. Like rooting for against another team

Speaker 1 plus you're rooting for a team. That's fun.
Right. So that's what you got to root for.
No, I would,

Speaker 9 it's just like, I can't even, it just feels bad to even think about the world where I have to root for not Lamar.

Speaker 9 But yeah, if we get, because like the package has to be, I don't know, this like, you know, thank God they don't have to trade him for the two first, the whatever, you know, franchise tag shit is, because, like, the package would have to be,

Speaker 9 I mean, what if Russell Wilson did, didn't he get two and two and two? Yeah. Plus a couple players? Yeah.
It's got to be way more than fucking that. Yeah.
Like, it's got to be a crazy trade.

Speaker 9 But then that's the thing. It's like the Ravens have so successfully fucked up this negotiation that they have lowered his trade value too.
Because nobody else wants to pay him either

Speaker 9 for some fucking reason.

Speaker 1 So he thinks he's going to stay in the Ravens.

Speaker 9 Maybe for one year.

Speaker 1 But he might not play.

Speaker 9 But he might hold.

Speaker 9 Dude, I don't think he's going to fucking play. Believe me, I want this to be true, and I've tried to look at every situation.

Speaker 9 Best case scenario, maybe they pay him a little because I think technically they don't have to give him just the non-exclusive. They could bump him up to the whole tag.

Speaker 9 And maybe

Speaker 9 he like plays a year and we do this weird like one more run.

Speaker 9 It sucks and no one is happy and like he's not playing.

Speaker 9 If he's even sort of injured, you know he's sitting out. And like, it's just,

Speaker 9 that's the only way we have. And at that point, it's like, unless he's trying to get his value back up or something, and he plays.

Speaker 1 It's all bad. It's all bad.

Speaker 9 There's no good scenario.

Speaker 1 It's all bad.

Speaker 8 When if players ever requested a trade and the team's just like,

Speaker 1 no.

Speaker 9 The only one I think about is Kobe, right? Where he was about to go to the Bulls.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he was about to go. But he wouldn't throw in Lou Auldang or something like that.

Speaker 1 He was actually looking for places to live.

Speaker 1 And sightings.

Speaker 9 Yeah. But then here's a couple things that are different.
Great owner, right?

Speaker 9 Jerry Buss, who's like a fucking crazy good owner, who could personally smooth these things over and who was not opposed to spending money, just wanted to be smart about it, right?

Speaker 9 So it's like, you know, you had an owner who ultimately did have your back. We don't have that, right?

Speaker 9 And it's like, and so you had that going on. And then it's like, well, look, stay here and we'll fucking,

Speaker 9 I've proven that I can win before and I'll do it again. And then they went out and got fucking Pal Gasol and they had the whole second run of Kobe's career.
It's like, none of that shit.

Speaker 9 Lamar had maybe

Speaker 9 even if the Ravens were like, we fucked up so bad and we'll do anything to keep you. I think they fucked up the relationship so bad.
Oh, and Kobe had an agent, right, who was the buffer.

Speaker 9 That buffer is really the fuck. Because shit like this, he could come back.
If he had an agent, I honestly wouldn't even be this apoplectic right now. I'd be like, we can figure it out.

Speaker 9 We'll fucking smooth it over. It's the no-buffer that's the fucked-up thing.

Speaker 1 You need Ken Francis to step in.

Speaker 9 Where the fuck is that cocksucker at?

Speaker 1 Make a call.

Speaker 9 NFL, please. Just give him a fucking, let him be the agent for 72 hours.

Speaker 1 Let Ken smooth this all over. It would be great a pay-per-view.
Ken Francis gets like, it's like a, it's like a bomb that is about to go off. Ken Francis gets 48 hours to figure this out.

Speaker 1 Just have a live

Speaker 1 sports movie.

Speaker 9 Ken Francis saves the Baltimore Ravens.

Speaker 8 Is Ken Francis actually real? Yeah.

Speaker 1 He might just be Lamar, right? No, he actually did something with Lamar.

Speaker 9 They have like a weird like at-home gym thing.

Speaker 9 It's like just some guy that he sells like dumbbells with. He's like, hey, what do you guys think? Fucking guarantee? 48 year guarantee?

Speaker 8 We're trying to get Billy certified as an agent.

Speaker 1 Hell yeah, dude.

Speaker 1 How's that going?

Speaker 8 How's your project going?

Speaker 9 I need 2.5K.

Speaker 9 And

Speaker 1 that's where you say it. Like 2.5K.

Speaker 9 So you're cash poor right now. Is that what you're saying?

Speaker 1 Not very liquid? Not very liquid. I'll put it in escrow for you.
If you're ever going to go and do it.

Speaker 11 No, the master's degree or seven years in negotiating experience.

Speaker 11 Seven years ago, I was 17. Okay.

Speaker 1 Okay. So

Speaker 11 what I've been doing since 17 that counts.

Speaker 9 Oh, come on, Billy.

Speaker 9 You've been trying to get girls not to let you wear a condom since you're 17.

Speaker 1 That counts, probably.

Speaker 1 Come on, I'm clean.

Speaker 8 We'll see if that works.

Speaker 8 Yeah, lying is another way of negotiating.

Speaker 1 Your entire life is a negotiation. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Boom. Yeah.

Speaker 9 Every time you claimed your internet was down so you couldn't put on a blog.

Speaker 1 That's a negotiation. That's a fact.
Oh, Stop.

Speaker 8 I got a present for you as a Baltimore guy.

Speaker 1 Oh, hell yeah, dude. Here you go.
As an Orioles guy?

Speaker 8 My man. Here you go.
This is the Billy Ripken.

Speaker 8 The fuckface card. Yes.
Where somebody wrote fuckface on his back.

Speaker 1 And he didn't know it when they were taking the pack.

Speaker 1 This is fucking awesome, dude. Thank you so much.
This is huge, actually.

Speaker 9 Because I remember getting a

Speaker 9 Bill Ripken

Speaker 9 because we were opening packs in, I think it was second grade, and being like, and you know, I'm like a foreign kid. We don't know about baseball.
My family doesn't know shit.

Speaker 1 And I see Ripken, and I'm like, oh, it's Ripken, you know?

Speaker 9 And I'm like celebrating, and all my fucking friends are like, that's fucking Bill Ripken.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, what? Who the fuck is this? So this is to turn that loss into a huge

Speaker 9 fuckface card is huge.

Speaker 1 Thank you, brother. All right, so last thing.

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Speaker 1 Tell us what you're doing right now so people can go see you. And also, we're going to have you guest the lottery ball.

Speaker 9 Oh, I would love to. Okay.
What am I doing right now? So I have a podcast. Last time I was here, I didn't have a podcast.
Stavi's World, new podcast.

Speaker 9 I have people on. You guys, before you go to Chicago, you should come fucking do the show.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we're in.

Speaker 1 We will bring our own ads. Bring your ads.
We do that.

Speaker 1 Another podcast is the best move. You just do another podcast and halfway through, you're like, you do the robot question.

Speaker 1 Totally welcome.

Speaker 9 So listen to that.

Speaker 9 I have a crowd work special coming out soon, just a half hour of me fucking around in New York when I was getting ready for this tour. So it's pretty fun on my YouTube channel,

Speaker 9 just Stavros Halgis on YouTube. And I'm on tour all over the place.
I got a big theater tour.

Speaker 9 So go to stavi.biz.

Speaker 9 I'm actually coming to Ohio, so if you want to laugh at me in Cincinnati, in Columbus, in Cleveland, you can come fuck, you know, come rub it in that the quarterback has left the division probably.

Speaker 1 But I'm coming all over the place. Florida.
You're going to the Vic Theater in Chicago this year.

Speaker 9 This weekend.

Speaker 9 Sold out. Sorry, fuckers.
Sorry, you fucking Chicago pieces of shit.

Speaker 1 Should have been Scalpers. The Scalpers can get it.

Speaker 8 Maybe the Scalpers can get it.

Speaker 1 Maybe the Scalpers.

Speaker 9 So I'm on a huge tour, and I am going back to Baltimore.

Speaker 9 It's funny because, like, as much as the character of making fun of this guy has been

Speaker 9 people think I'm that guy. At the same time, it's made me hysterically popular in Baltimore.
So I sold that, dude. I sold out a venue that Yo-Yo Ma plays at.

Speaker 1 I sold out the lyric Opera House six times off the strength of dumbass Ravens fans.

Speaker 9 So thank you so much for that one.

Speaker 8 He's like the best musician of the 21st century.

Speaker 8 He's playing the most expensive instrument. Can't sell it out.

Speaker 8 He's like, I'm going to sell my girlfriend's pussy.

Speaker 1 Talk about how little my dick is.

Speaker 1 But yeah, so all that shit.

Speaker 9 See me on tour, the YouTube channel, all that. And listen to Stavi's World.
So that's that. And then

Speaker 9 what's the other part of the question?

Speaker 1 Lottery ball. Oh, the lottery ball.
Fuck, yeah. So this will be be an official guess

Speaker 1 for everyone in this room.

Speaker 8 Okay, Billy, let the guests go first.

Speaker 1 Yeah, let the guests go first. Numbers.

Speaker 9 Fuck. I'm torn between doing the number Billy wants.

Speaker 9 I'd love to just be like, ask Hank later, but I actually want that number.

Speaker 1 So then, so that, like, what's his guess last? Well, he always guessed 17.

Speaker 9 17 it is.

Speaker 1 69.

Speaker 9 I was, yeah, that was my.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 8 I'm going to do 44.

Speaker 1 I'll do

Speaker 9 20.

Speaker 1 18.

Speaker 1 What's I'll do 8 for Lamar. Oh, I should have done that.
5 for Flacco. Okay, fine.

Speaker 9 It's going to be 8, and I'm going to feel like an asshole.

Speaker 1 This does count. Official.
Official record. This counts.

Speaker 1 Come on, Stop it. It's going to be 8.
10.

Speaker 1 Oh, Mitch Trubisky on the Ravens. No.
Fuck you. Don't say that.

Speaker 1 This is a great guy.

Speaker 8 Big Ben comes back for one more year. He wants to to play in Baltimore.

Speaker 9 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 All right. Well, thank you, man.
Appreciate it as always.

Speaker 9 Thank you, guys. It was awesome.

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Speaker 8 I just looked it up

Speaker 8 with the the Dan Snyder sale. I was curious how much he bought the team for.
How much do you think he paid for it in 1998?

Speaker 1 Ooh, $800 million. Yeah, it was $800 million.
Really? Wow, I nailed that.

Speaker 8 And now he's selling it for $6 billion. And think about how incompetent he's been, not just in terms of winning Super Bowls, but in terms of just pissing away money and

Speaker 8 fan interest, merch sales, ticket sales.

Speaker 8 He's the worst person to ever do it. And he still made $5.2 billion.

Speaker 1 That's hard to to see. I mean, pardon my take investment advice by an NFL team.
Yeah, you can't go wrong. It works.
It works. All right, guys on chicks.

Speaker 4 Hey, fellas. I just started listening with my boyfriend who just started a new job that is remote from home.

Speaker 4 This is his first job working remote, and now I can't get him out of the house because he says he's swamped.

Speaker 1 Any tips? He's swamped?

Speaker 1 He's swamped at his new job working from home?

Speaker 8 He's just lying to you.

Speaker 1 Working from home is like you only do half the work.

Speaker 8 Yeah, that's the beauty of it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you just basically fuck around all day and then, because every job in the world is the same.

Speaker 1 There's, let's say, 40-hour work week that you're supposed to work when really, if anyone actually looked into it, you can get your job done in like five to six hours of really hard work.

Speaker 1 That's just a fact. That's how America was built.

Speaker 1 Billy's nodding his head. Yeah.
He knows. That's a fact.
Like,

Speaker 1 you can, if you are sitting in a desk right now, you're nodding along as well because you're like, yeah, you know what? If anyone figured out the fact that I could do my entire week's worth of

Speaker 1 work on a Monday morning,

Speaker 1 probably wouldn't get paid as much. Probably wouldn't have that job.
That's actually usually you do it on like a Thursday afternoon is when I would do all my work.

Speaker 8 The nice thing about having a job where you have to get out of the house is all the errands that you run on your way to and home from work. Traffic home.

Speaker 8 And so he doesn't do any, he's not doing errands anymore, and one errand leads to another. You need to have some sort of errand schedule set in for him.
Yes.

Speaker 8 Just to get him out of the office and to be out of the house. And so he interacts with other people in the world.

Speaker 1 Also, just put a nanny cam in his home office. And just be like, I've checked the tapes.
You

Speaker 1 spent four hours on browsers. You played a bunch of snood.

Speaker 1 And yeah, you just dicked around and looked at your fantasy team for 50% of the work week. Yep.

Speaker 1 Next.

Speaker 1 Hank, I'm going to say this. With your black tucks, you look like you can read.

Speaker 1 Wow. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I can't.

Speaker 1 Well, yeah.

Speaker 1 But I look like I can. Yeah, you look like you can.

Speaker 8 You should rock a monocle.

Speaker 1 There's a moth in the studio right now.

Speaker 1 How is that possible? A monocle? Get me out of this.

Speaker 4 What's up, boys? I recently had a guy ghost me so badly that it resembled the dentist system.

Speaker 4 He was traveling slash camping and told me, sorry, I don't have have service. And my texts to him were green, so it made sense.

Speaker 1 However, a few days later, where I knew,

Speaker 1 however, oh man, never mind. I take it back.

Speaker 4 However, a few days later, when I knew he was supposed to be back, the texts were still green. I had my friend call his phone to see if it would go through.

Speaker 1 Stalker!

Speaker 4 Originally, it went straight to voicemail, only for him to text back.

Speaker 1 Who is this?

Speaker 4 10 minutes later. Why do this psycho behavior and block me instead of just telling me he wasn't into it anymore?

Speaker 4 Where do I find guys that aren't such P-words? Love y'all. AWL, Dre, Aw, Dre.

Speaker 8 No offense to this woman, but who's being the psycho in this?

Speaker 1 Yeah, and also, why

Speaker 1 just press one button on your phone versus having to have an uncomfortable conversation? Because we're all pussies and that's the easiest way to deal with things in life.

Speaker 8 Ghosting is so simple.

Speaker 1 Dude, you remember back in the day, you'd have like your friend break up with your like girlfriend on AIM? I think like that's we're the we're the biggest cowards in the world.

Speaker 4 It depends on what went on here though. Like if there was like you know a date intercourse maybe there should be some conversations of like all right this isn't going well.

Speaker 4 If it was just like a you were just talking or like hadn't met up or anything like ghost away.

Speaker 4 I think it there's levels to like it's scumbag behavior if you've kind of gone through some steps and

Speaker 1 it's so dark. Yeah, it's scumbag behavior, but it's it's you know the thought process.
Yeah, we are cowards.

Speaker 8 There's also a good chance that this girl is like a little clingy, sounds like, when she's doing all this.

Speaker 1 Let's get that vibe for all this detective work.

Speaker 8 And so maybe it's just he knew that having that conversation with you, you would not take it well. Show up to his house.

Speaker 4 Also, I mean, it also depends, like, if he wasn't traveling, camping.

Speaker 4 That's he truly was just delaying the inevitable. Like, oh, I'm not going to text you this week because I'm traveling, camping.
And then

Speaker 1 this guy, I know exactly how his brain is working right now, and I say, you executed it flawlessly.

Speaker 8 Now, what you you should do is you should fake a pregnancy. Yeah.
That's the best way to get him back.

Speaker 1 Either that or say I'm going to kill myself if you don't respond to my text.

Speaker 8 These are all totally healthy ways to handle this situation.

Speaker 1 We got one more?

Speaker 11 There's also a total chance that this occurred over like from a Friday and it's now like Monday, Tuesday and he has texted her back already.

Speaker 1 Probably totally panicking.

Speaker 4 No, if the block, if you're blocking.

Speaker 8 You never unblock.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you don't unblock.

Speaker 8 You just forget.

Speaker 1 Or you got an Android.

Speaker 4 Yeah, I'm not going to be a ghost apologist, but you don't just block someone for no reason. Yeah.
Hey, lottery ball winners, except Hank. Fuck you.
Also, if you...

Speaker 1 Nah, never mind. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Say it, say it, say it, say it, say it, say it.

Speaker 1 No. Say it.
No. You have to say it.

Speaker 1 Say it in a British accent.

Speaker 1 Say it in a British accent. Hey, Hank, I won the lottery ball today.

Speaker 4 No, you fucking didn't.

Speaker 9 Yeah, you didn't.

Speaker 1 No, you didn't. Yeah, they didn't.

Speaker 1 There's no correlation. There's no evidence.
Like, you're just making shit up to make me feel bad.

Speaker 1 No, people play the lottery ball at home all the time. That's the best part about this.
People are invested in it and they play it with their friends. That's like it.

Speaker 4 That's like saying, you know, I won a fucking rec league game. I won the NBA championship.

Speaker 1 Like, absolutely not. No, no,

Speaker 1 I actually will disagree with the sir over here.

Speaker 1 If you play at home and you get it authentically,

Speaker 1 you get a ring.

Speaker 4 But you're, yeah, they're just lying.

Speaker 1 No, they're not.

Speaker 8 Hank, you would kill for a rec league championship right now. Yeah.

Speaker 1 The amount of people that listen to the show, there's only a hundred options that means hundreds of people get it every day that's a good point boss yeah yeah yeah and also I've seen people like show the text where they guess it in a group chat and then they get it right that's real fake okay

Speaker 1 believe in something man you're such a heartless

Speaker 1 I didn't finish that sentence no people are just people are just mean you're a heartless bitch you're you're a ghoul You're ghoulish right now.

Speaker 3 Hey, lottery ball winners, except Hank. So my 29-year-old husband has had a small gray spot in his hair.
What the off the top of his head for most of his life.

Speaker 3 His friends have always made fun of him for it, and he's asking me, Should he diet? What should I tell him? Thank you. No,

Speaker 1 he's a skunk.

Speaker 8 Yeah, he got that cool look.

Speaker 8 Dennis Schroeder. Who's that one guy that was on Talk Soup for a long time? That had, was it Henson that had the one gray spot on the side? It's a good look.
It's distinguished. Yeah.

Speaker 1 People know you for something.

Speaker 8 You're like a leopard.

Speaker 4 What, Hank?

Speaker 4 I'm also, and it's fair, you know, this is the price you pay for vacation, but like 17 is going to hit next week.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and that's unfortunate that we're not going to let you participate.

Speaker 8 Should we just give Hank 17 for next week?

Speaker 1 No. No, no.

Speaker 1 That doesn't count.

Speaker 4 I would just be the same as these fucking fraud-ass listeners.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, vacation means that you don't get to play.

Speaker 1 I know. If I were you sitting in your seat, never gotten it, I wouldn't go on vacation.

Speaker 8 What would you do? Hank, would you rather give up a vacation to get the lottery? No.

Speaker 1 It's not real. So you don't care about it.
Stupid dumbbells. Oh, it's real.
Dumb machine.

Speaker 1 By the shirts,

Speaker 1 buy the shirts. All right, so should we do it? Have you ever gotten this? No.

Speaker 8 Numbers? I'll do 17. 69.

Speaker 9 18.

Speaker 11 What did you guess last time?

Speaker 1 Six. What'd you guess? He guessed all the numbers of, was it 95 seeds? 22.
23. 23.
I'll go 23.

Speaker 4 Six for how much they're paying for the football team, even though it's not going to go through.

Speaker 1 Oh, six. It's never been picked.

Speaker 1 20. Oh, let's go.

Speaker 8 Six god.

Speaker 1 Drizzy.

Speaker 11 Running through the six. TFT, the Aaron Rodgers thing hasn't gone through, so I'll sympathize with you.

Speaker 1 He's close.

Speaker 1 50.

Speaker 1 50.

Speaker 1 Close. That's an easy number to guess.
50?

Speaker 11 Right down the middle.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 10 Tied for the lead nine times.

Speaker 1 Oh, hey. 47.

Speaker 9 You would just 52, 64.

Speaker 1 If Hank had just stuck with 50, he would be the leader.

Speaker 8 Well, the funniest part is that if Hank had just stuck with any ball, he would probably be.

Speaker 1 Yeah, there's only like three or four that he wouldn't have gotten.

Speaker 10 620, 629. I picked one of the three that haven't been picked.

Speaker 8 Damn. You're pretty bad.
You're so bad at this. You actually, I've swung around.
I used to be like, you know, this is a game of chance.

Speaker 8 It doesn't make a difference what number you pick, but you are actually bad. You're picking three, not even in the machine.

Speaker 8 You're picking numbers that have never been picked in the history of the league. You're terrible at this game.
You're very bad at this game. You're a bad person.
Like, actually, this is personal now.

Speaker 8 Like, you are a bad battery ball

Speaker 1 player.

Speaker 10 Just stick with the same number, you'll get it.

Speaker 1 Fuck up, Jake. I'm just saying.

Speaker 9 We've all gotten it because we stick to the same number.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 8 Hank hasn't figured that part out of it. He's got 90 systems, none of which work.

Speaker 11 Who's hit it with multiple numbers?

Speaker 1 Oh, I have.

Speaker 1 All right, see everyone on Friday.

Speaker 8 Love you guys. Norwegian brown rats are typically the rat found in New York, Chicago, and any other area.
But the black rat is what causes the plague.

Speaker 8 don't know what

Speaker 8 to say, I'd say in any way.

Speaker 8 Today is a map day to find you, shine away.

Speaker 8 I'll be coming for your love of faith, love of me.

Speaker 8 change.

Speaker 8 Needless to say,

Speaker 8 I've outset it. So burning some little play.

Speaker 8 Shutting up life is okay.

Speaker 8 Say unto me.

Speaker 8 It's so better, didn't say it's on it, didn't say time.

Speaker 8 Tell me.

Speaker 8 I'm watching it. It's funny, it's done right away.

Speaker 8 Shutting the light is your head. Say I'm dreaming.

Speaker 1 It's the better to say it's on you. Say it's on me.
Say it's on you,

Speaker 1 I'm on the heart.