Kansas State And Gonzaga Win In Thrillers, Comedian Ari Shaffir + Fyre Fest Of The Week

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Speaker 1 Terms apply.

Speaker 1 On today's part of my take,

Speaker 1 we have March Madness, great Sweet 16 games. We also have an awesome interview with comedian Ari Shafir.
Very, very funny guy. Go buy tickets to his show tonight.

Speaker 1 Tonight, he is performing in New York City.

Speaker 1 It was really fun to talk to him, meet him. We have Fire Fest of the week, and also we're going to start the show at the end of the UCLA Gonzaga game, so you get bonus.

Speaker 1 Max being in full Eagles meltdown with how this game is going.

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Speaker 1 Okay, let's go.

Speaker 1 No place to hang out on washing.

Speaker 1 And then I can't name all of the suns. Oh no, no, we're gonna rock it down to Electric Avenue.

Speaker 1 And then we'll take it higher.

Speaker 1 Oh, we're gonna rock it down to Electric. Part of my Trake Avenue

Speaker 1 Welcome to part of my take. Today is Friday, March 24th.

Speaker 1 And it is the Marquise Noel Show. That was an awesome, awesome game.
But we should also, we should also let everyone know Max is doing like silent, silent theater right now.

Speaker 1 We are watching the last three minutes of UCLA Gonzaga. UCLA forgot how to play basketball, and Max is losing his goddamn mind.

Speaker 2 They haven't made a shot in 10 minutes. Yeah.
This is ridiculous.

Speaker 1 Max. They look so good.
They're not even fucking close to making a shot.

Speaker 5 They're just passing back and forth to each other and just say, no, you shoot it. No, you shoot it.
And then they just take a little fucking floater and it hits the front rim every fucking time.

Speaker 1 Timmy is just eating your lunch right now. Drew Timmy has become a- Drew Timmy is the best fucking player on the planet.

Speaker 5 He's actually every single time he wants to score.

Speaker 1 He scores.

Speaker 5 Did just miss that free throw.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so for people who obviously follow the show, they know. For anyone who

Speaker 1 hasn't kept up with Max's wild world of wagers and this is all spawning from the Super Bowl bet, I gave him $1,500

Speaker 1 on my UCLA future. So he'd be standing to win like 12 grand, 11 grand.

Speaker 1 So he is living and dying with the Bruins, who he picked, and everyone gets hurt when he picks a team.

Speaker 7 And they were looking like the best team in the world the first half.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the best team in the world.

Speaker 5 I was already thinking about UConn. I wanted UConn bad.

Speaker 1 Yeah, because you hate UConn. Here's a three.

Speaker 8 Another brick. Surprise.

Speaker 6 No's not going to hit either.

Speaker 1 This is brutal.

Speaker 2 This is bad. This is really bad.
I felt so good about this in the first half, and then just utter shit. They've played like dog shit the second half, Max.

Speaker 5 Five for 24 in the second half.

Speaker 7 They're also getting doubled up on rebounds.

Speaker 2 It's like 46 to 24.

Speaker 2 It's bad. This is bad.
This is a bad moment for the podcast.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so we did watch an incredible, incredible Sweet 16 game game over. Turn the TV.
Game over. Gonzaga just hit a three to go up 10.
This has been an insane second half.

Speaker 1 Drew Timmy has 36 points on 24 shots. He has just dominated this game.
UCLA stopped playing basketball basically for the last 10 minutes.

Speaker 1 It's 39 to 16 in the second half.

Speaker 2 That's insane. It's ugly, but let's not let this overshadow the real story of the day.
My guy,

Speaker 2 Marquise Noel. Incredible.
Short king holding it down for 5-8 guys everywhere.

Speaker 1 5'7.

Speaker 2 5'8. Marquise? Yeah.

Speaker 2 No, he's 5'8.

Speaker 1 He said he's 5'7 on a good day.

Speaker 2 I heard he was 5'8.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I was reading an article that he was saying himself he's 5'7, but that even makes him better.

Speaker 2 If he's 5'7, I'm 5'7.

Speaker 1 Okay, there you go. You stand with him.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I stand.

Speaker 2 I'll shrug my shoulders a little bit, bring my neck down. Whatever.
He's the fucking man. Marquise is incredible.
Noel took over Madison Square Garden tonight. He had 20 points.

Speaker 9 Mr.

Speaker 2 New York. Mr.

Speaker 1 New York, March Keese.

Speaker 2 Yes. He had 20 points, 19 assists, five steals, one turned ankle, and he got America free chicken wings, too.
Yes. So shout out because

Speaker 2 it was the first overtime game of the entire tournament. So

Speaker 2 America gets six free chicken wings. We were due.
We were due. Well, actually, chicken wings asterisk because of the boneless ones.

Speaker 1 But whatever. I'll take it.
I'll take it.

Speaker 2 I'm not going to look down my nose at free chicken.

Speaker 1 He was so phenomenal.

Speaker 1 He had the ball on a string. It was just like everywhere he went on the court, he had perfect control of the entire game.
He was making passes.

Speaker 1 Like, yeah, assists, not all assists are equal because sometimes you can make an assist and a guy will, you know, hit an incredible shot.

Speaker 1 He was putting, he was putting the ball in his players, in his teammates' hands, like six inches from the basket. He was making the best alley oops, backdoor cuts.
It was absolutely phenomenal.

Speaker 2 He was almost throwing deflections off of his teammates' hands into the basket. It was incredible to watch.
It was magic.

Speaker 2 The play of the game was the fake alley oop where he was like yelling at his coach. Yes.

Speaker 2 And they were having an argument over what to do so i originally when i saw it i said they drew that up yes that's a great disguise play argue with your coach throw an alley oop while the defense is reacting to that and get an easy two points out of it i was wrong about that so they asked marquise and i think they also asked uh tang the coach after the game and uh they said it was actually a discussion they were having on whether or not to go for a two for one yep and Noel saw his teammate streaking out of the corner of his eye as he was talking to his coach and in one fluid motion through the alley oop.

Speaker 2 It was perfect. So it wasn't drawn, which is actually somehow more impressive because I was going to say, like, the ball is on Tang to run that play in that moment.
That's incredible.

Speaker 2 But the fact that Noel saw that and made it happen himself, even better.

Speaker 1 It was basically perfect basketball. He was playing perfect basketball.
He even threw in a couple, you know, I'm just going to say fuck it and try to shoot from the logo, which he's allowed.

Speaker 1 He missed a couple of those, but that doesn't matter because he completely dominated that game. And it was a night when Michigan State was also playing phenomenal.

Speaker 1 Like, they were shooting the lights out. Both teams could not miss.
It was just, it's why you love the tournament. Games like that.
It was truly a special game that even

Speaker 1 maybe halfway in the second half, we're like, yo,

Speaker 1 this is an awesome game to watch.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and stay woke on the logo thing because they're making the logos bigger so you get more logo threes.

Speaker 1 But he did shoot it very far. He did.

Speaker 2 He did a couple heat checks on those.

Speaker 2 This is just complete vindication for many of us who have asked in the past, is Tom Izzo overrated?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's not.

Speaker 1 But we did get a little salty, Tom Izzo, after. He said that they had some lucky shots.

Speaker 1 You know, mostly talking about Noel's

Speaker 1 bank shot when he basically lost the ball, recovered it. Not luck.
Yeah, but it was a little salty from Tom Izzo.

Speaker 2 Listen, I'd rather be lucky than good sometimes.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. So it was an incredible game.
It was truly like one of those games that you'll remember, March Madness games. Max, checking in on you.
This game is, you declared it over.

Speaker 5 I mean, there's never been a game that's ever been more over than this game.

Speaker 1 Oh, really?

Speaker 5 I knew that it was over 10 minutes ago.

Speaker 5 There's never been worse body language on a basketball team than UCLA has shown since the 10-minute mark of the second half.

Speaker 2 Max, I love your passion, but don't get two downers. I mean, you've got, you got, at least you got Harper and Hoskins, right?

Speaker 1 I don't want to talk about that right now. What? What happened?

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 this is a bad time to be

Speaker 1 asking me about that.

Speaker 1 I saw him go down with an injury.

Speaker 2 Did they do an MRI? Have they checked in on him?

Speaker 5 I don't know. He's dead.

Speaker 2 The MRI is dead.

Speaker 5 It's because he couldn't field a ground ball.

Speaker 1 That's how people are not going to like that. Are you injury shaming him?

Speaker 5 No, I'm not injury shaming him, but if he fielded the ground ball cleanly, he doesn't tear his ACL.

Speaker 2 It sounds like you're saying he's a lightweight pussy.

Speaker 5 I just hate UCLA so much.

Speaker 1 Dude, you picked this team.

Speaker 5 I know I picked them.

Speaker 1 And you're going to pick Exactly.

Speaker 1 Why did you pick Exactly? Clark got hurt.

Speaker 2 Adam Bone had got hurt again.

Speaker 5 I didn't even know that when I started watching this game. And maybe he could have stopped Timmy once.

Speaker 1 Would you even accepted the money if they'd won it all? We were talking about it. Oh, yeah, I would have.
Like, that's not

Speaker 1 been bullshit that you would have made money off

Speaker 1 the Eagles. Twice as much.
Yeah, twice as much money. Oh, blood money for the Eagles.
But who cares? It's over. You saw Max Homa in the Masters.
Max Homa is going to to suck.

Speaker 1 Oh, man. All right.
So the other games, UConn absolutely throttled Arkansas. Yeah.
Like, start to finish, they looked phenomenal.

Speaker 2 UConn might be the best-looking team in the tournament so far. Overall, start to finish every game.

Speaker 1 Well, no,

Speaker 1 the first half and the first half against St. Mary's, they were down and Iona.
But yeah,

Speaker 1 they have... In complete games, they have dominated their opponents.

Speaker 6 Maybe Alabama.

Speaker 2 It's like Alabama, UConn. Those are the two teams that you look at, and they definitely...
What is Stephen Shea, like confetti quarterback?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Houston struggled a little bit. I mean, I guess if you're just going complete games, yeah, those are the three because UConn has absolutely killed their opponents.

Speaker 1 They have come out a little slow in the first two games, but this one, it was right from the jump. And Sunogo is practicing Ramadan, so he didn't eat before the game.
Still dominated.

Speaker 1 Like, I'm always just amazed about that because

Speaker 1 I don't know how, like, you didn't let me eat or drink all day and then, like, go running up and down this court.

Speaker 2 You can't have water during Ramadan?

Speaker 6 I don't think so.

Speaker 1 Maybe, maybe water.

Speaker 2 Still, I was saying earlier, I can't podcast if I haven't eaten during the day.

Speaker 2 I don't know how you can play a basketball game.

Speaker 1 Oh, wow. UCLA just hit a shot.
Drinking water during the hours of fasting is not permitted. Oh.

Speaker 2 And that was.

Speaker 2 I was talking Islam.

Speaker 1 Also, Marquise Owell is listed at 5'8.

Speaker 1 We'll hijack him. Yep.

Speaker 2 We'll hi-check him. Then I'm 5'8.
But I mean, that's, yeah, that's every 5'7 guy says they're 5'8. That's not true.

Speaker 2 I am 5'8, and I say I'm 5'9. Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 1 So you just round every 5-years. Actually, every guy under six feet rounds up.

Speaker 2 We get one-inch. You've got to give us a little bit of space.

Speaker 1 I think one. I mean, it's your shoes.
Yeah. You're one inch taller than your shoes.

Speaker 2 If I'm wearing my 270s, I don't know what kind of air bubble he had on that pocket, but yeah, he looks 5'8 to me.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And then we, so UConn throttled Arkansas, and then Rick Barnes choked yet again.

Speaker 1 That was a game where Tennessee felt like they were in control, and then FAU went on like a 20-4 run in the second half. And FAU is just good.

Speaker 1 I think they've tricked a lot of people because, one, they didn't have to play Purdue.

Speaker 1 Two, they won their conference tournament, but people don't, maybe some people don't realize they would have been in the tournament regardless. They're just a really good team.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and they might have gotten a little lucky against Memphis, but we don't apologize for wins.

Speaker 2 They're a very good team. They scare me.
I'm going to be rooting for Kansas State. That's my team now.

Speaker 1 I think the world is sad.

Speaker 2 Marquise Noel is like a transcendent player to the point where the first thing I did when the game was over, I called my dad and I was like, Dad, did you watch?

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, I texted my dad.

Speaker 2 I was like, did you watch? It's a major get in touch with your dad to make sure that they saw that. So I'm pulling 100% behind Kansas State for the rest of this tournament.

Speaker 2 But I am worried about FAU because they're a damn good team and their guards are awesome.

Speaker 1 Yes, and obviously we mentioned it on Monday's show, but Kansas State has the team of Destiny with Keontae Johnson. So

Speaker 1 they got everything going right now.

Speaker 2 And Willie the Wildcat.

Speaker 1 Willie the Wildcat and Bosco clapping out of out of rhythm.

Speaker 1 So everything's going for them. And the lavender.
The lavender pops. Jerome Tang is awesome.
I love Jerome Tang. So yeah,

Speaker 1 it does feel like the team, especially after Noel's performance tonight, he actually said afterwards, Jake did interview him. He asked him how wild it was that he did this in Mass Square Garden.

Speaker 1 That wasn't a block. That was not a blocking.

Speaker 1 That was a charge. Max?

Speaker 5 I've already considered this game dead.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 10 That was for sure a charge.

Speaker 1 That was absolutely a charge.

Speaker 1 He said that was the best game he's ever played in his life. Pretty good time to do that.

Speaker 2 It was the best game I've ever watched in my life out of a single player. Like, you can point to other individual performances in the tournament, especially with hot scores that just can't be stopped.

Speaker 2 But the way that he took over the entire court was unreal.

Speaker 1 He was, it's.

Speaker 2 I ordered a Marquise Noel jersey, which I just realized is going to be completely, well, not really obsolete, but if you get it, maybe if they get to Houston.

Speaker 2 If they get to Houston, I'll be able to wear it while he still plays.

Speaker 1 You know what it is? It's cross-sport analogy. Yeah, we can do those.

Speaker 1 It was a little bit, I felt like, a little bit like Messi, where when Messi has the ball on his foot and he controls it and it's on a string. That's what it felt like with Noel, where it's like even

Speaker 2 like his passes across the court.

Speaker 1 Like they were trying to trap him a couple of times, but they couldn't because he can throw it. He can hit someone from across the court in perfect stride, in perfect motion.

Speaker 1 And it was just the whole thing was beautiful to watch.

Speaker 2 Vika, you know me. I'm a bit of a NBA draftnick, and I've been putting together my big board.
I've got Marquise Noel going one overall ahead of Wimbenyambo.

Speaker 1 Drew Timmy, too?

Speaker 2 Drew Timmy's going three behind Wimbenyambo.

Speaker 2 But then after that, there's a steep drop-off to the next level. I actually predict that

Speaker 2 he's going to have like a 15-year career in Europe, and he's going to play for a team in every single country, basically.

Speaker 1 Listen, I think a team will give him a shot in the NBA. He's not going to be...

Speaker 1 You know, maybe a late-round draft pick, but like if you, if you have that, like, he...

Speaker 1 short guards obviously struggle he is very short and it sucks but he's a perfectly average he could he could absolutely be you know a second team guy who comes in for a few minutes and tries to get things going yeah i mean he's all heart uh what was what was dj augustine's height see this is the problem with nba players like 5'10.

Speaker 1 yeah like when you do or even like 6'10 like steph curry 6'3 and you're like wait he's not short at all yeah dj augustine was 5'11

Speaker 1 so it might but still that i mean isaiah thomas yeah nate robinson yeah you could get, still praying for him.

Speaker 1 Remember that? Is he, where is Nate Robinson?

Speaker 2 Shadow Realm.

Speaker 1 Isaiah Thomas was six.

Speaker 2 Oh, the other Isaiah Thomas.

Speaker 1 Oh, other, yeah. Other Isaiah Thomas.
Okay.

Speaker 2 The good one. The good one.
The one. Wait, which good one?

Speaker 1 The Celtics one. He was 5'9.
Yeah. So, yeah, there you go.
He's just got to be Isaiah Thomas. He's got to grow one inch and be Isaiah Thomas.

Speaker 2 I would draft him.

Speaker 1 I would honestly draft him. Yeah.

Speaker 1 This game, where are we at, Max? Give us an update. We have momentum.
We have momentum. Okay, do we have a league?

Speaker 1 We have momentum. We'd rather have a league.
How did we get momentum with three eighths of momentum?

Speaker 1 This is the exact date of the Adam Morrison game.

Speaker 7 The Adam Morrison game, I re-watched the last two minutes on YouTube. I forgot how much of a collapse.

Speaker 1 And that big guy getting the ball in the corner. Adam Morrison throwing to the big guy who just stood there with the ball over his head and got it stripped.

Speaker 7 Also, the shorts, it's definitely like the biggest old thing ever, but like the, I love the shorts.

Speaker 7 I wish we still rocked the long shorts.

Speaker 1 Long shorts are great. The only other thing I had that was outside of the tournament.
Oh yeah, Tennessee. Tennessee, I feel bad for Tennessee fans, but also

Speaker 1 kind of expected. This is actually an all-year game one.

Speaker 1 We're back. 74-70 with 45 seconds left.
Max is going to have an aneurysm.

Speaker 2 I think with Johnny Fanta, we talked to him about Rick Barnes, and we kind of made the excuse, like, Rick Barnes, since there are no expectations, we can't hold any losses against him this tournament.

Speaker 2 I've reversed on that take because that was so ugly in the second half. Yes.

Speaker 8 You got your ass kicked by F.A.

Speaker 2 It was, yeah.

Speaker 1 They absolutely killed him.

Speaker 2 As the game went on, he kept looking more and more and more like an old retired Catholic priest.

Speaker 1 Turns out very sad. Turns out you need to make shots to win games.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it helps if you have some players that don't base their entire

Speaker 2 low post game off being like a Jokic brother. Yeah.
Just throwing elbows into people's mouths.

Speaker 1 All right, here we go. 74-71, 45 seconds left.

Speaker 1 They inbounded the ball and they're fouling. Dude,

Speaker 10 What are they doing?

Speaker 1 Why? Max, can I tell you something that makes you feel a little bit better?

Speaker 1 Can I tell you something that makes you feel a little better?

Speaker 1 No?

Speaker 5 Yes.

Speaker 1 This will get my over to hit.

Speaker 5 I don't.

Speaker 1 Why would you foul there?

Speaker 7 You're down one possession.

Speaker 1 I can't believe you fell for that. I thought you knew it.
I was going to say. I don't know.

Speaker 9 I thought there was some good.

Speaker 1 I was just 50 years old. He thought it was good news for you.

Speaker 1 Miss it. I got some good news for you.
Oh. Oh.
He missed it. He missed it.

Speaker 5 I didn't know he was 57%.

Speaker 7 This is five-headed.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 2 at least the Eagles are going to get Ezekiel Elliott.

Speaker 5 He was good like five seconds. I fucking hate Ezekiel Elliott.

Speaker 1 Clip it.

Speaker 2 Hank is diabolical. Hank actually plays 17-dimensional chess whenever there's rebounds.

Speaker 1 Oh, that was a drop.

Speaker 2 Whenever there's like a slight possibility that something heartbreaking will happen to Philadelphia, Hank becomes a genius. Yeah.

Speaker 1 By the way, the other story I had. Oh,

Speaker 1 and he scores, so it's 73, 33 seconds left. Five seconds.
Let's steal it.

Speaker 1 And they're going to not steal it. They're going to have to foul again.
What are they doing? Oh, they're not fouling. They're trapping.
Timeout.

Speaker 1 Okay, good D.

Speaker 1 How about this guy who's going around saying he's Lamar's agent? Oh,

Speaker 1 what's his name? Ah, fuck. I got to look it up.

Speaker 2 I swear to God, it's not me. Although I have done many of the things that Lamar's fake agent is being accused of doing, but I have not ever represented myself as actually working for Lamar.

Speaker 1 The NFL had to release a statement being like, hey, everyone, don't, if this guy calls you, he's not Lamar's agent. But there was another, this guy's a wheeler and deer, Ken Francis.
Yep.

Speaker 1 So, so Tom Pelisaro tweeted, Ken Francis is a Florida man who most recently was pitching a home fitness invention, I'm told.

Speaker 1 He now is trying to negotiate a nine-figure contract with NFL teams who are being told they're not allowed to negotiate with him because he's not a certified agent.

Speaker 2 I think Ken Francis is like when Donald Trump used to do the John Baron voice, where he'd call people and give quotes as his representative. I think it's Lamar Jackson.

Speaker 2 And he's putting on a fake mustache and calling teams, pitching Lamar's services.

Speaker 1 I like Ken Francis. I'm going to say it.

Speaker 1 I know that this is illegal and you shouldn't do this, but to go from pitching a home gym invention to calling up NFL teams being like, I'm here on behalf of Lamar Jackson, That's just great fake business going on.

Speaker 2 It's the most Florida man thing ever.

Speaker 2 You didn't even have to read the rest of the description. You just stopped it at Florida Man.

Speaker 1 And you know he's got the Bluetooth. He's walking around.
He's got the holder for his phone. He's just going into like a local coffee shop doing big-time business calling up NFL teams.

Speaker 2 I see him sitting down in a Starbucks and putting his feet up on a table like it's his home office. Yeah.
And he's not even wearing socks.

Speaker 1 Please, please, please. I'm on the phone with the Colts right now.
This is a very important call. I'm talking to Jim Ursa.

Speaker 2 This is a very important call, sir.

Speaker 1 Chris Balor just offered me four years for $220 million. I'm going to try to get him up.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'm talking to the Saints because they know that there's no such thing as a salary cap.

Speaker 1 Did you see that?

Speaker 2 Yes. The Saints are actually, they're out of Cap Hill again.
The Saints have been in and out of Cap Hill so many times in the last five years.

Speaker 2 Every year, it's like, well, nope, Cap Hill coming up for the Saints. The salary cap is not real.

Speaker 1 It doesn't exist. No, it's not.
It's cap.

Speaker 1 It truly is. Every single time anyone says anything about the cap, I'm like, well, they'll just cut cut a couple players and do some weird contracts, and they're good players.

Speaker 1 They'll just renegotiate and pay them more right now and not pay them more later. And they'll kick the can down the road and they'll be fine.

Speaker 2 Do you think there's somebody in the league office who's in charge of looking over every spreadsheet from every team and finding out who is actually violating the cap?

Speaker 2 It seems to me like the cap is just like an honor system thing.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, they call them once a year and they're like, you good? And they're like, yeah, we're good. We're going to be under it.

Speaker 2 It's like elf on a shelf. Yeah.
They're like, no, we've got a guy.

Speaker 2 He's watching your transactions very, very closely. They missed a foul shot.

Speaker 1 This is crazy. They missed a foul shot.
It's 75, 73 with 25 seconds left.

Speaker 2 It's like the threat of getting in trouble is what keeps people from violating the cap. What did you just whisper, Max?

Speaker 1 What did you just whisper? No, no, no, no, no, no, no,

Speaker 1 say it again. I said, Hank, you can't say cut.
Like, what did he say?

Speaker 5 I said, miss it again, you bitch.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay, that's fine. Yeah, what's wrong with that? What did you think he said? I'm there to show it.
Drew Timmy's mom screen.

Speaker 5 I was not talking about Drew Timmy's mom.

Speaker 1 Put it on the record.

Speaker 1 There was no mother talk there.

Speaker 2 What did I say before the game started? Drew Timmy's foul shooting. Issue.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Highlight it.
Underline it.

Speaker 1 It's an issue. It's an issue.
Come on, Max. Come on, Max.
Come on. Come on, Max.
UCLA with the ball 7 times 73, 17 seconds left.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Three-pointer up. Come on!

Speaker 1 There's 12 seconds left, you idiot.

Speaker 1 There's 12 seconds left, you idiot!

Speaker 5 I know, but that was a great shot!

Speaker 5 Excited about good shots!

Speaker 1 You got to be able to celebrate the beauty of basketball right now. No, I'm excited about the good shot.
You started screaming, I fucking did it.

Speaker 5 No, I said I fucking love this team.

Speaker 1 Did anyone else see him say that I fucking did it? I don't know. I was just too angry.
I thought you said I fucking did it.

Speaker 9 12 seconds left. I don't know what I said.

Speaker 5 I don't know what I said.

Speaker 1 Oh, man.

Speaker 1 This is going to be great, Max.

Speaker 1 We're going to win this game. don't don't say that what it's my bet i have i have a lot on it yeah max everybody in this room actually has yeah

Speaker 1 we're all in this together but we're all counting on you yes you're the leader and i i just want a team to get to the final four in houston and if uconn plays ucla i'll have that i'm out of breath he's he's he's john wooden son yeah that was crazy he's also like 85.

Speaker 1 titus did throw out a interesting thought uh when we were streaming he's like UCLA

Speaker 1 has a very good history in basketball, and maybe because it's so long ago, but I don't hate them whatsoever. No, I think they're cool.
Not yet, not at all.

Speaker 2 Because they've got the teams in the 90s were awesome.

Speaker 1 They were

Speaker 1 bannons, yeah.

Speaker 2 The pyramid of success. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You should make a lot of so much fun. And he was fat.
He was fat and

Speaker 1 outlet passes. Yeah, Russell Westbrook.

Speaker 2 We need to make a part of my take, Pyramid of Success.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Losing bets.
Titus Everson. Titus Edney, coast to coast.

Speaker 1 Yeah, UCLA is fun, but it's very rare that you'd have a team that can boast that many national titles. These guys, what are they doing? Timmy's just going to score a stad hug together.

Speaker 5 Timmy's just going to scream.

Speaker 1 Have this much success and not be hated. I'm sure USC fans hate him, but who else hates UCLA?

Speaker 2 You know how we were talking about how Drew Timmy can come back and play another year if he wants to?

Speaker 1 Hank just made a very bad face about a woman on the screen. Oh, I'm looking at the game.
I'm nervous. I'm nervous.
She was an LA woman with maybe some plastic surgery.

Speaker 10 I'm nervous.

Speaker 1 Hank just threw up again for the second time this week on a part of my take podcast.

Speaker 1 All right. 76-75 UCLA.
12.4 seconds left. Gonzaga inbounds the ball.
We need Jake here. They're bringing it up.
Looking like they're in a little bit of a bunch of them. Oh, they're all

Speaker 1 played. They ran the play.
And he hit it. And he nailed it.
And he nailed it. And he nailed it.
Oh, my God. 78-76.
Campbell, coast to coast. Oh, no.
He's going to miss this. Oh, he got stalled.

Speaker 1 Oh, no, Max.

Speaker 1 Did Max say I did it?

Speaker 1 Did Max say I I did it?

Speaker 2 They ran the play, Max.

Speaker 7 That was the Villanova play.

Speaker 2 That was the Villanova play.

Speaker 7 Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 That was using his favorite play of all time against him.

Speaker 2 That's on you, Max.

Speaker 1 You said that. I did it.

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 I need to listen back.

Speaker 1 Okay, is there any way that we can...

Speaker 1 I wish we had our new studio.

Speaker 2 We could listen back to everything right away, right, Hank?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yes.

Speaker 1 Can we listen back?

Speaker 7 They ran.

Speaker 1 How long will it take for us to upload?

Speaker 1 If we go to Ari Shafir and then we come back for Firefest,

Speaker 1 the Philly special play on you, Max. They ran the Philly special on you.

Speaker 1 Max.

Speaker 1 Max, you need to talk. Don't text.
You need to.

Speaker 5 I can't believe. Like, that's my play.

Speaker 1 Oh, he missed it.

Speaker 2 Okay, we're still alive.

Speaker 1 We're not alive.

Speaker 1 Damn. What a game.
UCLA and Gonzaga just only played bangers.

Speaker 7 And that was like the end of the Morrison game.

Speaker 1 He just gave it up. Yeah.

Speaker 7 Do you want to get a shot?

Speaker 5 Do you you miss this if you're the Zags?

Speaker 1 I think you do. Yes.
On purpose. No timeouts.
Yeah. Yeah.
No, I think you missed this on purpose. No, but they have no timeouts.

Speaker 7 You want to tie the game.

Speaker 7 You don't want to leave a shot for a heartbreaker.

Speaker 1 No, but with no timeouts, they have to rebound the ball.

Speaker 1 The best you can get to no timeouts.

Speaker 7 But no timeouts, they still have to go full court.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 7 the best you can do is tie.

Speaker 1 Right, right, right. But

Speaker 2 if they miss this shot, they're just catching a rebound. They have to turn around immediately and shoot.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the best they can do is like a 75-footer.

Speaker 1 If they make this shot,

Speaker 1 they can maybe get like a actual three.

Speaker 7 I'll take it guaranteed.

Speaker 2 They just added a mystery 0.3 seconds onto the clock.

Speaker 6 He made it.

Speaker 1 Okay, Max, there's no chance he's getting this. So I don't know why we have our hopes up.

Speaker 1 Game over, UCLA. Sad.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. He has an incredible look.
He had an incredible look.

Speaker 2 That was a great play.

Speaker 1 He had an incredible look. Max, the Philly special.
Max, you ruin everything. UCLA goes down.
All of us have UCLA. You ruin everything.

Speaker 1 You know what?

Speaker 1 Here's a spin zone. Quick spin zone for everyone.

Speaker 1 Max, this is going to make you feel better. The one, you hit your over? No, no.
I wouldn't do that to you twice, but I did.

Speaker 7 Overs back.

Speaker 1 Yeah, overs are back.

Speaker 1 Big brain. I was like, March Madness saw all the bad publicity.
I said that to you. I was like, they're going to see all the bad publicity about shop making.

Speaker 1 They're going to loosen up these fucking rims.

Speaker 7 The cat said that Saturday morning at like two in the the morning.

Speaker 1 I was like, I've been thinking a lot about this.

Speaker 1 No, Max, the spin zone here, the silver lining is now that UCLA is eliminated, no more of their players can get injured because you've injured their entire team.

Speaker 5 I don't care about this team. Like, this is one thing.

Speaker 1 No, you definitely don't care. No, you gotta win.
No, I really don't. Like, I don't.

Speaker 5 I wanted them to keep winning with the potential of winning a lot of money. Like,

Speaker 5 that was fun to me.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you would have won $12,000?

Speaker 5 I think it was 10 to 1.

Speaker 1 Oh, so you would have won 11? Yeah. No, yeah, $1,500,

Speaker 1 $15,000. Damn.
That's a lot of money, Max.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I would have enjoyed that.

Speaker 8 Bought a car?

Speaker 1 Well, no, he is buying a car. I am buying a car.

Speaker 1 I sold my car to Hank for $1 two years ago. He's selling it to Max for $2.

Speaker 6 It's a businessman.

Speaker 1 So, Max, you know you have to now sell this car for $4

Speaker 1 in a couple of years. Yes.
We got to see if we can get a million-dollar

Speaker 1 Just keep going it up.

Speaker 2 Hank, real quick, as a math anomaly person, how long would it take for the car to be worth a million dollars

Speaker 2 if you sold it every two years for a 100% profit?

Speaker 7 Every two years? Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 7 90 years.

Speaker 2 90 years?

Speaker 1 I think it'd be more than that.

Speaker 2 I think it'd be way less than that.

Speaker 1 90 years?

Speaker 1 No, wait, a $2 profit or two. No, double.
Double, double.

Speaker 1 Double.

Speaker 2 I think it would be.

Speaker 1 Every two years? I sold 45 times.

Speaker 2 My guess off the top of my head is 20 years.

Speaker 1 One, two, three, four. This is terrible podcasting.
Someone talk five, six.

Speaker 2 He gets using his calculator right now on his phone.

Speaker 1 I don't know what, 12, 13, 14.

Speaker 1 Counting 16, 17.

Speaker 2 He's just doing times 20 years.

Speaker 1 2, 4, 16, 19.

Speaker 1 19 years? 19.

Speaker 1 Or 19 times. 28.

Speaker 6 Yeah, so 40. That's what I meant.

Speaker 1 I meant 20 times. I'm bad at math.
Really bad at math.

Speaker 1 Were you ever thinking about maybe selling it to to him for like five grand? No. That would have been so mad.

Speaker 1 I would have been so mad.

Speaker 1 It was like a midnight profit. All right, Max, you ruined everything.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Bad guy.
Incredible games, though. These were like

Speaker 1 phenomenal. Two incredible Sweet 16 games.
Instant Classics.

Speaker 2 Villenova's still in the NIT, though.

Speaker 10 Nope.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 Damn. Villeneuve's checking.
Wisconsin, the last Big Ten team playing basketball. Interesting.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 That did happen. Okay.

Speaker 1 I just want to say.

Speaker 7 I tweeted an unreleased Super Bowl picture, too.

Speaker 1 Oh, no.

Speaker 1 It's just

Speaker 1 a new Super Bowl picture draft. I just look really fat.

Speaker 7 I had to do a live look at UCLA.

Speaker 2 Are you going to ever put the vomit picture out?

Speaker 1 Oh, that's a bad one. I mean, yes.
Eventually, yeah. How many more do you have?

Speaker 1 There's a few. Thanks saving the puke one for the

Speaker 1 66. You have 76.
You have some of the good ones.

Speaker 7 I've got some really good ones. But yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, yeah. I don't think they'll make a pass the summer.
I'm wearing these pictures.

Speaker 2 It's like, yeah, it's burning a hole in your pocket right now.

Speaker 7 And if you're looking at the picture, the shirt on his lap is full of puke.

Speaker 1 Just know that. I still wear that shirt.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 5 I've washed it. Bad guy.

Speaker 1 No, bad guy. No, I like that shirt.

Speaker 7 But you let the puke marinate for like five days and then washed it?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's the morning after

Speaker 2 that.

Speaker 1 Oh, man. All right.

Speaker 1 Let's go to our interview with Ari Shafir, a hilarious comedian, and we have a great conversation with him. So let's do that.

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Speaker 1 All right, we now welcome on very special guest is Ari Shafir. He has a show on Friday, 3:24 Beacon Theater.
Go check it out. He's headlining the Beacon Theater.

Speaker 1 You also can find him online. He's got podcast Skeptic Tank.
He's on Joe Rogan all the time. You're doing Stand Up Everywhere.
You are the man. What's up?

Speaker 10 Thanks, bud. It's great to be here.
Great to finally meet you guys.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 10 We were having a debate before we started whether we can fart on command.

Speaker 2 I think you can. You give me a five-minute window, I'll fart for you.

Speaker 1 So then just do it at some point.

Speaker 2 I'll fart during this interview. You have to guess when it is.

Speaker 1 It might be sucking.

Speaker 10 I mean, I assume it'll be when I hear a fart sound.

Speaker 1 So, wait, is this,

Speaker 1 so it's good to have you on.

Speaker 6 You are.

Speaker 10 I'm sorry I was never in the NFL.

Speaker 1 No, it's okay, but you are one of, we love to have comedians on, especially comedians that also like sports. Yeah.
And you are, you, you check that box.

Speaker 10 I do love sports. I was a practice player for the Maryland basketball team.
Really? Maryland women's basketball team.

Speaker 1 Okay, I was going to say.

Speaker 1 I was like, what? Are you going up against Juan Dixon? Like, what's so many many of you played golf in college.

Speaker 10 I did play golf in college. I was, I think, the worst athlete in all of college that year.
I shot a 143 in competition. Okay.

Speaker 10 It was a small school. It's pretty much if you got clubs, you can be on the team.

Speaker 1 143. Yeah.

Speaker 10 Both coaches were laughing at me.

Speaker 1 Was that the first time you'd played golf?

Speaker 10 No, I've played before. I was just not, I was not good.
And the pressure got there. I'm like a 120.

Speaker 1 Okay, yeah.

Speaker 1 You're talking to 120s in this room. No, that's good.

Speaker 2 I'm a 146, so I aspire to be where you're at. But did they have cuts? Or was it just ⁇ because to me, that sounds like a hell of a deal.

Speaker 2 You show up and you're like, I'm a Maryland golfer, and you get free greens fees.

Speaker 10 No, that was at Yeshiva University, my first year. I went to a different school near here.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 10 We didn't have a course. Maryland had a course, 17 bucks.

Speaker 1 It was great. Yeah, I mean, I've said it before, but you can shoot whatever you want in golf.
You just fill it out. Like, I went to Shinnecock where they played the U.S.

Speaker 1 Open, and I filled out a 72, and everyone was like, holy shit, I didn't know you were that good.

Speaker 1 And I was like, yeah, that's, yeah dude shows 72 you figured it out yeah it's like I don't know why everyone stresses about their golf game when you can just put whatever score you want yeah they always come down to people like you signed an incorrect scorecard and you're like no I didn't yeah well yeah I did I made up every hole so yeah I absolutely did I stand by it yeah but uh so is it the Beacon Theater headlining on Friday is this like a career check mark for you?

Speaker 1 Yeah, for sure.

Speaker 10 I've wanted to do this for a while. It's a big homecoming show.

Speaker 10 I got special guests coming out. I don't know.
It's like I'm excited.

Speaker 1 It's a massive fucking room.

Speaker 10 Sorry, I don't mean to curse in this podcast.

Speaker 1 No, you know, you never say whatever. I appreciate you guys.
I don't mean to. Oh, you can say whatever you want.
Fuck shit. Fuck, cunt.

Speaker 10 Jizz. How's that fucking?

Speaker 1 Oh, shit, I forgot about it, actually.

Speaker 2 I'll start marinating right now. I read online, this might be something fake that somebody just wrote about you, so you can correct me if I'm wrong, that you're the Lakers' number one hater.

Speaker 10 That is true.

Speaker 1 I hate the Lakers.

Speaker 10 Fuck the Lakers, dude. Fuck the Lakers.
I've never liked the Lakers. Is it personal? Yeah, it's personal.
I used to live in L.A. Every time they had fucking playoff games, no one would come out.

Speaker 10 Could be up 3-0 in the first round as a one-seed. And people are like, they're such fucking bandwagon fans.

Speaker 1 Fuck all of them. And I would imagine it's gotten a little more personal after the Kobe tweet.

Speaker 10 No, I dominated that city.

Speaker 10 They can't think of their fucking hero without thinking of me. That's true.
Fuck L.A., fuck the Lakers. Fuck all of you.

Speaker 1 Or do you get upset when people are like, oh, wasn't there a Kobe tweet guy and don't actually remember your name? He's like, I bet you there's a lot of people like that.

Speaker 1 Like, who is that kobe tweet who is that guy like i know right disrespectful yeah how could you do that yeah that i mean that was a while i mean you i do appreciate that you are uh you will say a lot of shit that a lot of people won't say yeah and that like sense that sense of humor especially now really plays because you're making jokes and you're making statements and you're you'll stand by them dude it's so funny you see everyone bow down to this like the worry about like not fitting in now yeah i think it's comedy got popular or everybody.

Speaker 10 And then all you got to do is stay in the pocket and still just fucking light people up.

Speaker 1 Yeah. It's like, what the fuck was that? Right.
Like, you must feel like you have a superpower at some time. Exactly.
Because you're just like, yeah, I'll fucking make a joke about this. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And everyone's like, no, you can't do that.

Speaker 10 Shane Gillis says it. He's my downstation friend.
And he says it the best.

Speaker 10 He goes, you get three, four comics in a row at the comedy seller going like, you know, injustice is terrible, you know, and then all you got to do is come on and go, injustice rules.

Speaker 1 And everyone like knows you're joking and and then they're having a good time. Yeah, right.

Speaker 2 The videos that you would do, the amazing racist stuff, was very, very funny.

Speaker 2 And there was an element of that, but also, did a lot of people watch those videos and they would just like laugh at the racist jokes and not realize that, like, oh, yeah, I do.

Speaker 2 You were making fun of that stereotype as well?

Speaker 10 Yeah, for all the people who got mad at me thinking I was like completely serious,

Speaker 10 you'd have some people being happy because I thought I was serious. Yeah.

Speaker 1 They're like, finally, someone's saying it. You got the balls to say it, man.
Thank you. Appreciate it.
Yeah.

Speaker 10 I was like, no, me and my buddies were in Vegas for the March Madness. We would go for an opening round.
Yeah. Gamble on everything, women's included.
The best.

Speaker 10 Always bet on Colgate to cover the 44-point spread.

Speaker 10 Yeah, and some guys came up to me. He's like, I like what you did to those N-words.

Speaker 1 And I was like, damn, dude. But they used the word.
I was like, no, fuck, dude. No.
You didn't get the joke. You didn't get the joke.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I was like, oh, my God.
Yeah, I mean, we're obviously big sports fans.

Speaker 1 March Madness.

Speaker 1 All of them.

Speaker 1 Football is mostly a football podcast. But yeah, I love March Madison.
I mean, I love to gamble, so March Madison the absolute best.

Speaker 10 It's great. Anyone could win.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 10 A pool, anyone could win. Yeah.
We had a chick in my high school who won because her ⁇ it was a long time. It was when UNLV was undefeated, headed into the tournament.
It was like 90...

Speaker 10 I don't know, two-ish.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, Larry Johnson.

Speaker 10 Yeah, and they kind of threw that game. I think they threw it to make it close, and then Duke was like close enough to win.

Speaker 1 Yeah. But anyway,

Speaker 10 we picked whoever picked the round that UNLV lost in got an extra like 30 points, and her dog's name was Duke. So she just picked that and won.
And we're like, should we even tell her?

Speaker 1 Does she even know? It is the best. It's also the perfect.
I was thinking about it why

Speaker 1 everyone in America, like, because college basketball has probably waned a little bit in popularity regular season.

Speaker 10 Warm and duns make it terrible.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And every time you start talking about it, you sound like your dad, where you're like, these fucking kids don't stay for four years anymore.
But stop calling traveler.

Speaker 1 The bracket is the perfect tournament.

Speaker 1 And the way it leads up to it where everyone has a conference tournament, it's like, it's what every other sport should aspire to be, where it's like, yeah, maybe it's not the best team overall, but like chaos happens.

Speaker 1 And if you get hot for six games, you win the tournament.

Speaker 10 That's all you got to do is bring it together at the end. And also, they show you four versus...

Speaker 1 What, 12? 13. 4 versus 13, yeah.

Speaker 10 Yeah, and they show you right there. So if you have no idea, you're like, I think the four.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's also four probably should be better.

Speaker 2 It's also just this, just having one of these in your hands. The printed out bracket, the entire page is covered, two sides of a bracket.

Speaker 2 You can get behind that if you, even if you don't care about sports, even if you're like a math person. Yeah, like there's a bunch of numbers on here.

Speaker 10 The only better thing than that is the Super Bowl box pool. Yes.
Yeah, where literally there's no knowledge involved in any way.

Speaker 1 I also, for that, I, my barber shop in Brooklyn, I've probably lost, I don't know, like three grand the last seven years.

Speaker 1 I just give it to them, and I never never actually get like, because I'll go get my haircut like a month later. I'll get a haircut like right before the Super Bowl, and I probably have won it.

Speaker 1 And he just doesn't tell me. Yeah, he's like, Yeah, I never check in on what the numbers are.
He's just, he knows that every person who sits in the chair, he can be like, Oh, you want, you want a box?

Speaker 1 Yeah, of course I do.

Speaker 10 Yeah, yeah, they're not going to come back and be like, What's my box?

Speaker 1 Upload that shit, dude. It's the internet.

Speaker 2 It's always fun to go to a sporting, like any sporting event, and you play the 50-50 raffle, but then you leave before the raffle.

Speaker 1 So you're just basically like giving.

Speaker 10 0,

Speaker 2 Here's $200, and then I'm going to leave. And I'm just going to trust that I didn't win.

Speaker 10 How much different is that than Bet DSI? Yeah,

Speaker 10 where you're just pretty much giving him away your money. I mean,

Speaker 1 if I win the 50-50 raffle, I'll be even on my life for the 50-50 raffle.

Speaker 1 That's how bad I've, I just love playing it. I'm just like, yeah, give me more tickets.
Give me more. I went to a Toledo football game this year, and I must have had half the tickets because

Speaker 1 I spent like $1,000 on tickets, and I still wasn't even like, like, no, I wasn't even like three numbers close. So I think that shit's raised.

Speaker 2 Someone's got to do the math on that and figure out how much would it cost to buy all the tickets and then you at least get 50% of your money back.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Great investment.

Speaker 10 Great investment. Do we know how many it is, how many pools you have to fill out to ensure that you will win?

Speaker 1 Oh, like iterations and shit?

Speaker 10 Yeah, of the NCAA.

Speaker 2 Yeah, because every year Warren Buffett's like, I'll give a million dollars to anybody that gets a perfect bracket, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah. That's also bullshit.
He should give a billion. Yeah.
A million is nothing.

Speaker 2 That's what he's giving his kids, right?

Speaker 6 Yeah.

Speaker 2 A million? I'd be so mad if I was Warren Buffett's kids.

Speaker 1 Or Bill Gates' kids.

Speaker 2 Because Warren Buffett's like, I'm going to give away all my money because I want to raise human beings that'll have to fend for themselves.

Speaker 10 I love that idea, though. Those kids are already ruined, though.

Speaker 1 Right. Right.

Speaker 10 I think they're normal now and hard workers. Right.

Speaker 2 Definitely not. But I'm okay with it if it's somebody else that's not getting the money.
But if it was me, I'd be like, dad, that's fucked up. You're the world's richest human.

Speaker 2 I'm not getting anything.

Speaker 10 That's a dead dad. That's our household.

Speaker 10 That dad is not making it to that bill.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Kill him before he signs his will where you get no money.
Yeah.

Speaker 10 Like you've just made him have no choice.

Speaker 1 Yeah, right.

Speaker 1 You signed your own destiny.

Speaker 2 Can you look up and see how many iterations it would take to pull a perfect bracket together?

Speaker 10 Yeah, how do you? I've used the word iterations.

Speaker 7 Here we go.

Speaker 13 Good word. One in nine quintillion, two hundred and twenty three quadrillion, $372 trillion, $36,000,854,775,808.

Speaker 10 Well, that's not a real number.

Speaker 1 Anything over like 100, I stopped counting.

Speaker 10 Yeah, I thought if it was 100, 130.

Speaker 1 I thought it was like, yeah, I just got to fill out, I got to like, you know, two hours of bracket filling out, I would get it.

Speaker 10 Those first two numbers, I didn't even, I don't even recognize it.

Speaker 1 Quadrillion?

Speaker 10 Quadrillion.

Speaker 1 Quintillion, and then quadrillion, and then trillion, billion, million. Okay, well, here's how you cut it in half.

Speaker 2 You just, you just don't do any of the ones that have a nine through 16 seed winning at all.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
Boom. Yeah.
Yeah, because that was one and one.

Speaker 13 Now we're making $5 billion if you know a little something about basketball.

Speaker 10 What was Villanova one year? They were an eight, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 10 So yeah, nine below.

Speaker 1 And then maybe just like have it be a one or two winning. Now we're just filling out a regular bracket.

Speaker 1 Yeah, actually, maybe I like Kansas a little bit more.

Speaker 6 Get rid of Virginia.

Speaker 1 We just, we tricked ourselves into filling out our actual opinions.

Speaker 2 UVA's out, so now we're down to probably like two quintrillion. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Why is UVA out?

Speaker 2 Because it's just because they suck.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they suck.

Speaker 2 They're just not very good to see. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You're a big Yankees fan, too, right?

Speaker 10 Love the Yankees. this is it was

Speaker 10 they're i mean they're just they're kind of a joke now it's just like it's just i can't do it every year with the emotion yeah it's just like they should go

Speaker 10 and then the one year that was definitely our year we're saying it all year and then they we got robbed on a fucking cheating scandal

Speaker 10 is it still like on site with the astros for you guys the astros dude you know one of the greatest moments in podcast history was I think Rob Lowe on Rogan's podcast wearing a Houston Asterix hat.

Speaker 10 Yeah. No mention of it.
Rogan didn't even know what it meant. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I saw it, it must have been like, I think it was right before he went on Rogan. I saw him at the Super Bowl.
Yeah. And I was like, Rob, that's fucked up that you're wearing that hat.

Speaker 2 And he was like, because I thought it was an Astros hat. Yeah.
I was like, dude, that's fucked up. You can't support that in our beloved sport.
And he takes it off. He shows it.

Speaker 2 He goes, I made this myself.

Speaker 1 He made it himself.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 10 Wow. Dude, I was at the year or two before with Giannis Papas.

Speaker 10 We went to Houston Yankees. I think we were down like four runs in the seventh and came back.

Speaker 1 It was wild.

Speaker 10 The place was going nuts.

Speaker 10 But before, where we were still down, there were these Astros fans all around us. And they were like, let's go, Astros, which is bullshit to do in the Yankees Stadium and when you're up four runs.

Speaker 1 That's fucking bullshit. But is it soft the Yankees aren't what they used to be? Like, those guys should get punched.

Speaker 10 He started a Hurricane Harvey chant.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay. All right.
That's loud. Everybody got that.
That's more than a punch. Yeah.
They were like, come on, my grandmother lost her home. And we just got louder and louder.

Speaker 1 Rally the troops.

Speaker 2 Do you count the rings for people? If they come at you, you're like, well, historically, we're a better franchise.

Speaker 10 Nah, I don't like that stuff.

Speaker 1 What about pinstripes? I love the pinstripe debate. What do you mean? Like, who earned their pinstripes? It's my favorite debate in Spanish.
What do you mean? Who earned their stripes? Like,

Speaker 1 did A-Rod earn his pinstripes?

Speaker 10 Oh, no.

Speaker 1 Really? Not even for 2009?

Speaker 10 No, he got all his numbers. All his stats came in, like, blow-out games.

Speaker 1 You can do this with everyone.

Speaker 1 The pinstripe debate is the best. Yeah.

Speaker 10 It's amazing how they took A-Rod right back.

Speaker 1 Yeah. They did.

Speaker 10 They won't talk to Sammy Sosa or Mark McGuire.

Speaker 1 Sammy Sosa's not even allowed to be there.

Speaker 2 A-Rod's got a great publicist.

Speaker 1 That's the difference. Yeah.
Yeah. What about John Carlo? Does he have his pinstripes?

Speaker 10 No, he plays shitty. He's never lived up to it.

Speaker 1 He never lived up to that kind of thing. See, they're fun to do.
What about Judge? Judge got it. Yes, easy.
And then you're like, but what does Judge want?

Speaker 1 And then you always, what's the guy?

Speaker 10 He's a leader of the team. He's great.

Speaker 1 Who's the bald white guy?

Speaker 1 Fuck. Me?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Brett Gardner.
Brett Gardner. Everyone's like, Brett Gardner, pinstripes.
That's just because he hustles. He plays the game the right way.
Yeah,

Speaker 10 he's like an out of shape.

Speaker 10 We can't really do it, but he plays hard.

Speaker 1 He's like, yeah, definitely pinstripes. He earned them today.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I hit 10-hour runs this year.

Speaker 1 Man, he's a Yankee through and through.

Speaker 6 What about Joba?

Speaker 2 Did Joba ever earn the pinstripes?

Speaker 1 Oh.

Speaker 10 Yeah, because he was so fat. You know, he was eating the time, keeping Little Italy in business.

Speaker 2 He was. And the Midge game against Cleveland when his face was just covered in bugs.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 10 Dude, Yankees rule. What a great.
You know what we do every year? We get a

Speaker 10 weekday day game and we get like $10 bleacher seats. And then we just head up there with like 15 comics.
And if we're near kids, we just move where that's open. That's awesome.

Speaker 10 Because we're going to scream horrible things.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 What about the Mets? Do you hate the Mets or are they just kind of like the annoying little brother?

Speaker 10 Never minded the Mets until I went

Speaker 10 to Metrodome Stadium, whatever the fuck they call it, and tried to take my shirt off like a gentleman in the summer, and these dumb fuck Nazis told me I had to put my shirt on.

Speaker 1 How long has this been a rule? That's crazy.

Speaker 1 That's crazy. No, you go to a daytime baseball game.

Speaker 2 You take your shirt off.

Speaker 1 You should not have a shirt off. It's off.

Speaker 5 What the fuck, dude?

Speaker 1 That's crazy.

Speaker 10 The Mets. And I was scarred.
Then I went to a Wrigley.

Speaker 1 I was sat in the fucking bleacher. You can wriggle.
I was like, can you take my shirt off? I don't understand the question. Yeah, yeah.
No, you can take everything off.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you can take everything off. You can.

Speaker 1 There are no rules in there. The only rule is no fighting.

Speaker 10 Who do you guys like for baseball?

Speaker 1 Cubs. So, yeah, I've seen tickets to the

Speaker 1 Cubs. Yeah, and I did, like, I don't know.

Speaker 1 Our schedules are crazy now. But before we all moved to New York, I had season tickets for the Cubs.
And I went, there was one season where I went to like 65 games. It ruled.
Wow.

Speaker 1 Because it was like, because they play a lot of day games, and there's something about, like, baseball is a very hard sport to follow, 162 and the ebbs and flows.

Speaker 1 But when you go to like, if you go to like a homestand and you're like at six out of seven games, you get such a feel for like what's going on with the team, and it's so much fun.

Speaker 10 I love when you show up to a game and somebody booze like a home, home player. Yeah.
And you're just like, you got to look up his stats. Like, has he not been hit?

Speaker 10 Yeah, you're like, did you see last night?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 10 Did you start to recognize the people around you?

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
It becomes, yeah, because the bleachers, it's general mission. So, and there's people who like have their specific spots.
But yeah,

Speaker 1 there's nothing better than a day baseball game because you're stealing time.

Speaker 10 It's the best. Yeah.
It's just like, and now the problem is they hit me up all the time. They email me like, hey, can we get you in-free season tickets? The Yankees? Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, dude, I just bought one fucking game. Relax.
Yeah. Relax.

Speaker 2 It's got to be so expensive to get Yankees season tickets, right?

Speaker 10 Yeah. Forget it.
Yeah. But I'm also, I keep emailing them like, guys, I'll go when it's a nice day.
Right. I'm going to look at the weather.

Speaker 1 I'm not going in April. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 10 What? We Jay Day games is one a month per team. That's when you want to show up.
Nobody's there.

Speaker 1 Yeah. See, that's you should, you should go to Wrigley.
I mean, Wrigley Cubs play it every Friday afternoon, which is the best. That's the absolute best because that is truly your time traveling.

Speaker 1 You get to the game, you go to the bar at like 11, you're drunk, you go to the game, you get more drunk, you get out of the game, and it's like a passing of the ships.

Speaker 1 All these people getting off the train from work, and you're like, I've been drunk for seven hours.

Speaker 1 This rules. Like all these people with their, with with their slacks on and their briefcase.
You're just like, yeah, I've been cheating the whole system.

Speaker 10 That's great. And also, everyone gets out.
It was like, it's Wrigleyville, right?

Speaker 1 Right there with all the bars. Yes.

Speaker 10 It's like, it's the game's not over. Yeah, right.

Speaker 1 Keep going.

Speaker 2 They were the last team to get to get lights set up, right? Yeah, 1988.

Speaker 2 1988.

Speaker 10 I kind of remember that.

Speaker 1 Playing day games up until then. It was a rainout.
It was 8,888, and then that got rained out. So the official one was 8, 9, 88.

Speaker 2 See,

Speaker 2 I think baseball is meant to be played in the daytime. I think so.
I think in October, you can play play it at night. Like the World Series games, I'm down for night games then.

Speaker 2 But baseball is so much more enjoyable as a fan to watch it during the day. But unfortunately, people have jobs, so they can't watch baseball all day.

Speaker 10 Isn't that a recession? Shouldn't we go back to it now? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, everyone's working remote.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I mean, daytime baseball, it's perfect.

Speaker 2 You can get a little nap in the fourth inning, wake up in time,

Speaker 10 pass out drunk a little bit.

Speaker 1 Still go to dinner.

Speaker 2 There's nothing worse, though, than so. Big Cat's a Cubs fan.
I'm a Nats fan. Our teams are going to suck this year.

Speaker 6 They're going to be really, really bad.

Speaker 2 And so knowing that I have to sit through 160 games of just dog shit before the season starts, there's like no chance that my team's going to be good at all.

Speaker 1 But you're all to start.

Speaker 10 You'll still be within five games after two weeks.

Speaker 1 There's always that one team that goes like stretching 10 and two and then ends up losing 100 games. Yeah.
You're like, remember that?

Speaker 2 But it's so depressing to know that for the next like eight months, I'll be rooting for player development.

Speaker 2 For like, for like a first-year call-up to be like, oh, that guy's performing a little bit better than I thought that he would. Yeah.
That's the highlight of my season.

Speaker 10 You just got to go to another sport. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You, you mentioned going to a game with a bunch of comedians. What, I'm fascinated by like the comedian

Speaker 1 world and what.

Speaker 1 Is there like a lot of infighting and clicks and everything? Is it, I mean,

Speaker 6 that's a very dumb question, I assume, by your emotions.

Speaker 10 They're the pettiest people in the world. Yeah.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Are you able to stay out of it or is it, or do you find yourself?

Speaker 10 I've been drawn in a few times, but then you try not to.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 What are the beefs usually over?

Speaker 10 Chicks. Yeah.
That's a lot of it.

Speaker 1 Actually, no,

Speaker 10 we should get back to that. That one I can understand.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 10 It's, it's, it's less like, um,

Speaker 10 it's less fair. I don't know.
It's less not fair. What's the word? It's, it's more lame when it's over like someone's success.
Yeah. It's way more lame and that'll happen sometimes.
Yeah.

Speaker 10 During the pandemic, it was like, oh, you're touring. Fuck you.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 10 Yeah, it's over chicks. That's fine.
I get that.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that makes sense. That's every

Speaker 1 guy.

Speaker 10 You fuck that guy's ex, he's going to punch you.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we haven't had a good joke stealing controversy in a while, right?

Speaker 10 That kind of went away. We need someone.

Speaker 1 We don't do it much.

Speaker 6 Well, it's hard to pull off now.

Speaker 1 I mean, Mencia was like, we probably should give him respect. He was the last goat of jokes.

Speaker 1 He really was.

Speaker 10 He really was. He got him right at the end.
The system changed around.

Speaker 1 He had to calls on him to just be like, yeah, I'm taking everyone's shit.

Speaker 10 He would go after specific guys. Like, he was like, he was like, I'm going after Paquette.
He's got a big head now.

Speaker 10 Let me go look at his act, find one of his favorite jokes and steal from him specifically like he's like a cover band for comedy yeah yeah and i like i

Speaker 1 yeah i know that you probably have different view on it because it like if you're in the game someone stealing jokes is the worst thing you can do yeah but from afar and now there's time pass like carlos vincia like props you dude like you

Speaker 1 like i can't believe you actually you're a scumbag yeah but you did it it's funny people would be like how would you feel if someone it's like someone stole someone's car be like like, Oh, if I can get a cheap car, I'm fine.

Speaker 1 Like, I don't work in the automotive industry, so that doesn't bother me.

Speaker 10 Yeah, I don't think anyone else should be involved in this.

Speaker 2 He took it all the way to Comedy Central. Like, he got his own special based on stealing other people's jokes.
That is impressive to be able to pull that off. Like,

Speaker 2 how dumb are the people that work at Comedy Central that didn't know that about him?

Speaker 1 Like, well, you don't have to be in Comedy Central Network anymore.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's kind of true a lot. Yeah, Carlos Vincia took him down.

Speaker 10 Dude, he had, at some point, there was like the My Damned Can had like a few clips up, and three of the four clips were my buddy Freddy Soto's.

Speaker 1 Really? What the fuck?

Speaker 10 Yeah. He's dead now, so everybody wins.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So wait, when you, like, did you, were you part of the comedians that called him out? And, like,

Speaker 1 because how did it all kind of shit? It's all way, way old, just for the record. Right, right.

Speaker 1 That's why I say it ruled. Like, in the moment, it was not, it was like, this guy fucking sucks.

Speaker 10 It was the greatest night in like comedy in years.

Speaker 10 It was, Rogan was going after him, and they were were on stage. My friend Nick Youssef called me, and he was like, What's going on? Or I texted him.
I was like, He's like, I'm coming.

Speaker 10 He came all the way from Lewis Field. It took him like 30 minutes, and it was still going.
He's like, I'm getting out of my car right now. Keep me on speakerphone.
Like, everybody wanted to hear it.

Speaker 1 Wait, so Rogan had.

Speaker 10 The polite young women comics are like all dainty and quiet. They were like, They were screaming for blood.

Speaker 1 So it was great. Rogan went up and Mincia was there?

Speaker 10 Rogan had finished.

Speaker 10 This is so old. This is so done, by the way.
Don't reach out to anybody in this, this. But Rogan had finished, brought up a comic who wrote for, and he said, this guy writes for Mind of Menstelia.

Speaker 10 It was like a nickname. And then Carlos was there, and he was like, oh, you won't say that shit to my face.
And Joe was like, yes, I will. What? I just didn't know you were in the room.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 This is wild. George Lopez accused him of plagiarizing 13 minutes of his material.

Speaker 10 That's such a specific number. I know.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he timed it. He has stopped watching.

Speaker 1 It also, like, I think if I were George Lopez, I'd be a little, like, I'd be mad. But then there'd also be that feeling of, why'd you stop at that joke? Did you not think the next one was funny? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like, what the fuck, Carlos?

Speaker 10 Yeah, when you get a joke stolen, when you're like a young comic, there is a part of you that's like,

Speaker 1 it's kind of an honor. Yeah, you think I'm funnier than that.

Speaker 10 I wrote a stealable joke.

Speaker 1 Right. Finally.
It's a song play for the rapid. Right.
Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 10 Right.

Speaker 1 And if you have no jokes stolen, you're like.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 10 It's like those

Speaker 10 Catholic kids who don't get raped.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. What about my chopped liver?

Speaker 10 Yeah. You see how smooth my butt is?

Speaker 1 I gotta start working out.

Speaker 1 Come on.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

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Speaker 2 I think the first time I heard you was actually on the radio. There was a radio station in Austin that used to just do like two-minute clips of stand-up comedy back to back to back to back.

Speaker 2 I thought that was the most brilliant format for a radio station of all time.

Speaker 10 I love that station. They're out of business now, I think.

Speaker 2 I think they're gone, but it was just bangers only. And it it introduced me to so many new comics.
They need to bring that back.

Speaker 10 They need to bring it back. And it was also, they let somebody curate, so they'd have me in and be like, pick six comics.
We'll find clips from them. Yeah.
And so, like, who do you think is funny?

Speaker 10 And you just like pick a mixture of high and low levels, and they'd find them and then they'd play that.

Speaker 1 It's a great idea. Yeah.
Who, who are you watching, listening to now?

Speaker 2 Who are your favorite comics?

Speaker 10 I mean, it's the mixture of the old and the young. Segura is always great.
Um,

Speaker 10 um,

Speaker 10 Adrian Appalucci is his comic in New York. She's the darkest,

Speaker 10 funniest chicken in the world. She's great.

Speaker 10 Shane Gillis.

Speaker 10 Norman, I don't know, so many. Nate Bargatzi's great, but he's a Christian, so it's tough.
Yeah, he doesn't swear.

Speaker 1 He doesn't swear. He's really tough.
Yeah. He doesn't swear at all.
He is very funny.

Speaker 1 He loves the Lord. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Psycho. It's odd.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 you were raised very religious, then you're not no God anymore.

Speaker 10 I went hard the other way. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I feel like that happens.

Speaker 10 It does. If you get too deep into it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you're just like,

Speaker 1 I woke up and I was like, what the fuck is going on?

Speaker 10 Yeah, it's way better now. You realize how few blowjobs you're allowed as an Orthodox Jew.

Speaker 10 And it's pretty much no-brainer. I feel like, honestly, if you get to heaven and God's like, what the fuck? You know, how come you didn't do this?

Speaker 10 And you'd be like, God, let me introduce you to one fucking slut who I know OD. She's up here.
Let me show you how deep she can get your cop down her throat and get that backspit.

Speaker 10 And then he'd be like, oh, I get it. Come on.

Speaker 1 you're welcome, man. Yeah, I mean, God created blowjobs, right?

Speaker 10 Like, God did create blowjobs.

Speaker 10 No one came up with that.

Speaker 2 No, that came

Speaker 2 straight from the Lord. So, I don't know how you can be against it.

Speaker 1 Who came up with BJ's?

Speaker 2 The first blowjob.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it must have been the greatest thing ever. All right, he's like, Watch this.

Speaker 2 The dude must have been terrified at first.

Speaker 9 That's not going to eat my dick.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you're eating my dick. What the fuck? Yeah.

Speaker 2 And then he's like, Wait, dude, the first time

Speaker 10 this chick from my class, I love, she was so in love with her, and I was a virgin. And I just heard the term eating a girl out, and I didn't know.

Speaker 6 I didn't know.

Speaker 10 And I finally was hooked up with her, and I went down there, I just took a bite out of her puss.

Speaker 10 I had no idea. I looked at it for a second, and I was like, I guess this is it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, she's got a gotta just take a big chop.

Speaker 10 Yeah, I mean, I it wasn't like the molars, but like uh, it was the fronts for sure.

Speaker 1 She's like, What the fuck? Did you swallow?

Speaker 1 I didn't tyson it, nothing came off.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, what, so I do, I love that you put on other comedians because you've said before that, you know, Rogan was the bump that you needed to get to where you're at.

Speaker 1 And I, I, that part, I hate when people get really successful and they just kind of ignore like the luck or the bounces they get because everyone needs one.

Speaker 10 Everybody needs and any industry.

Speaker 10 Everybody, when they get out of college, I want to do this by myself. And it's like, no, you need your dad's friend to like tell the HR at the company you're applying to to look out for this resume.

Speaker 10 That's every industry.

Speaker 1 Right. People need that bounce.
Yeah. So in Rogan, Rogan was that bounce for you, right? Yeah.

Speaker 10 Yeah, he really put me over. I mean, he'd bring me on the road when I was just like a struggling, nothing comedy, and they exposed me like real crowds.
And I could pause.

Speaker 10 There was no

Speaker 10 worry that the crowd's going to fucking leave. Right.

Speaker 10 Like they were in the original room at the comedy store. Yeah, it was great.

Speaker 10 So, yeah, the only way I can pay him back is by, you know, paying people well and taking people on the road and putting people over.

Speaker 1 Doing the same thing.

Speaker 10 Yeah, I try to put on my Instagram. I try to put like funny comics, especially younger comics.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's awesome. Because that's how you find them.
I mean, like, that's... Yeah, you're not putting it if you see anyone on my page.

Speaker 10 It's like, I approve of this guy.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 2 Right. It's also if you, if you put somebody on it, someone younger than you, then as that person gets bigger and older, that's like a new audience that you could also be involved in, too.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 It's good. It's just good karma.

Speaker 10 I'll be canceled every two years, so I will need these young guys to take me on the road with you.

Speaker 2 How long has it been since people got mad at you for something?

Speaker 1 Like, really mad.

Speaker 1 Let's see.

Speaker 2 Are we due for another one soon?

Speaker 10 We're due for another one for sure.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Do you want to do it right now?

Speaker 1 Yeah, you can't really try.

Speaker 10 See through it. It's really got to be like every time it's happened to me.
I'm like, wait, what?

Speaker 1 Yeah, like, I don't. What are you talking about?

Speaker 1 I do have to thank you, though, because your Kobe tweet did take some heat off of me in the moment. Really?

Speaker 10 What did you do?

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 maybe the worst luck of all time, I started doing it because the night.

Speaker 10 You were on that helicopter.

Speaker 1 I was not on that helicopter. The night before, LeBron passed Kobe in all-time points.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I started just doing a bit that LeBron is the best Laker of all time. And I had like my top fives, and Kobe wasn't on it.
Like Lakers. Yeah, it was like Nick Van Exel.
It was like Shaq.

Speaker 1 So all these like me.

Speaker 9 Shaq for sure.

Speaker 10 Will Chamberlain, Kareem, Magic. I'll give Worthy.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And then LeBron.
And LeBron. And then Nick Van Exel.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So I was doing all these tweets just like trashing Kobe and then he died 12 hours later. And everyone just went to the tweets and was like, you piece of shit.

Speaker 1 It's like, dude, I was doing this last night. And then you came over the top and I was like, that guy, that's the one.

Speaker 10 Yeah, I took some heat up.

Speaker 10 Yeah, the context people do not love to see. Yeah.

Speaker 1 No. They just jump to whatever.
Basically on Twitter,

Speaker 1 if you feel any emotion. If you feel it all.
If you feel it all, it's like you feel that emotion for a second, then you go immediately to anger and you're like, Let's find the guy. That's it.

Speaker 10 It's all these sleuths who are like, dude, I got doxxed on my old phone number. So there's some guy with an LA number who's probably a Laker fan, just got tons of death threats.

Speaker 2 Jesus. He's like, fuck you, disrespected Kobe.

Speaker 1 He's like, I like Kobe. Fuck you.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I feel like the death threats you don't actually have to worry about.

Speaker 2 Nobody that's actually going to kill you is going to threaten you beforehand.

Speaker 10 No, and also Laker fans are pussy.

Speaker 10 So that's another thing to think.

Speaker 1 Yeah. But it's crazy.
Like the DeMar Hamlin thing, it was everyone was like, oh my God, this is a tragedy. And then five minutes later, it's like, fucking, let's get skip Bayless.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you didn't react right. You didn't say this right now.
Right, exactly. It's like, wait, why can't we just all just feel the emotion instead of just being instantly anger and going forward?

Speaker 1 It's crazy. They're like, have a take.

Speaker 10 And if it's not exactly like everybody else's, if you have any sort of artistic license or integrity or have an opinion, they're like, we don't like that. Get rid of them.
It's all 1984.

Speaker 10 If you just have different shoes, it'd be like, get rid of them. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Prayers for DeMar, though.

Speaker 1 Prayers for Damascus. Yeah, prayers for DeMar.

Speaker 1 We just want to make make sure that's funny.

Speaker 10 I had the minus three, so I covered that day because they ended the game.

Speaker 6 So it was fine.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Oh, man.

Speaker 2 Bengals fans got so mad in the aftermath, too. Yeah.
Because they're like, we were going to win that game. We were up 7-3.

Speaker 6 We're driving.

Speaker 2 We were going to beat 14-3 in 30 seconds. Then Damar went down.

Speaker 10 What a faker, too. He's fine.

Speaker 2 Oh, do you see he was raising his hands above his head in the box? You can't do that if you have cracked ribs.

Speaker 10 Yeah, they made rules on it where you can't fake an injury with under two minutes. You get a 10-second runoff.

Speaker 1 Yeah, right. That's what he did.
Neither going up tempo. He knew he didn't want to fight.

Speaker 10 He was smart. Didn't want to waste the time out, but he had changed the momentum.

Speaker 1 There is going to be, there is going to be a coach.

Speaker 1 Jamar the game, Hamlin.

Speaker 2 They're going to tell you, instead of the hamstring, just pretend that you have, what is that?

Speaker 2 Modio arrest, yeah, modiocortis or whatever, and just pass out on the field, and then nobody is going to accuse you of faking that one.

Speaker 10 Yeah, dude, I loved it too. As soon as people, you just, everybody politically weighed in, it's like, it's the vaccine.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 10 That happened in zero seconds.

Speaker 1 I can see it a mile away.

Speaker 10 It's happening. I'm like, wait, it's one heart attack in 50 years of the NFL.
And you're like, it's the vaccine.

Speaker 1 Yep, it happened.

Speaker 1 Everything we've read online is true. Yep.

Speaker 10 Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's immediately. Immediately.
Yeah.

Speaker 10 By the way, that's what John Morant should have done. Yeah.
Just fake a heart attack.

Speaker 1 Or he should have just been like, the vaccine made me horny.

Speaker 2 This is what's great.

Speaker 1 He's in a counseling program. It's so fake.

Speaker 2 Being addicted to a gun. It's so fake.

Speaker 1 Dude, how old is he?

Speaker 10 25?

Speaker 1 Yeah, 23, 24.

Speaker 10 Or a 23-year-old.

Speaker 1 If you show him a gun, he's not going to be like, cool. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 10 It's so fucking dumb, this whole thing. This counseling is just a phony thing to appease the fans.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 You remember when Riley Cooper, that video of him came out yelling the N-word back in 2013? Oh, yeah. And the Eagles were like...

Speaker 10 Also, one of the GOATs, one of the last ones.

Speaker 1 Yeah, one of the last.

Speaker 10 One of the last openly racist.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And then

Speaker 2 they sent him away and he went to counseling

Speaker 2 for being racist.

Speaker 1 I don't know. I don't know what counseling.

Speaker 2 But he came back two weeks later. He's like, I'm cured.
I'm cured.

Speaker 10 I met a black guy. It turns out they're cool.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 It would be funny if John Morant is like doing like Warcheck or however you say that test where it's like, Do you see a gun in here? It's like, like having to get him so he doesn't like guns anymore.

Speaker 1 Our take immediately was: I'm sure you saw the video, but like, if you're going to get suspended, it's got to be a bigger gun than that. Use it.
Yeah. No,

Speaker 1 or use it. Yeah.
You go even one further. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 10 If John Morant was like, I was hunting the greatest game of all.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I gave Edis Cantor a two-minute head start. Yeah, I'm concerned that he, he, okay,

Speaker 1 It's not enough to be in front of all these fans. I need to do this.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's a dude that gets death threats a lot, too. Edis Cantor Cantor, yeah, from the president of Turkey, which is wild.

Speaker 2 Like, he's a marked dude for assassination.

Speaker 1 Isn't there a theory, too, that he's a CIA operative? Yeah. Because he did, like, his birthday party at the FBI.
No. He took a picture.
It was like, yeah, greatest birthday ever.

Speaker 1 It was just him with blurred-out faces at the FBI.

Speaker 2 Well, the school that he went to in Turkey has connections with American intelligence. Right.

Speaker 2 But it was funny because I heard a clip of the Simmons show with Rasilo the other day, and Rascilla was like, I don't know.

Speaker 2 I'm so conflicted about Enos Cantor because politically he says all these things that are objectively wrong and I hate and I can't stand.

Speaker 2 But he also hates LeBron, which I like.

Speaker 1 So it's a real 50-50.

Speaker 10 God, I wish the Lakers would miss the play. They're such an underachieving team.
Oh, they're so bad. And everyone's like, it's going to be great.
With Westbrook, it's over now. And it's like, no.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 we don't count the Bumble Championship.

Speaker 10 that doesn't count it abs a hundred percent does not count it's you don't have to play any road games you have a team whose only weaknesses that are extremely fragile and be like well don't do any of that yeah just hang out in disney world rest until the playoffs and then we'll go in yeah and also try that's in charge of scheduling all the games is it's a d2 captain lebron james lebron is controlling everything inside this bubble yes oh do you know what is so fun when he was like fuck this racism we're the nba is over let's walk out and then yannis and all the other players like i'll see you dude we're gonna play

Speaker 10 how this stops racism.

Speaker 1 And then he's like, fine, we'll play.

Speaker 1 But I'm going to win.

Speaker 10 Yeah, human rights violations, but China's fine. Fuck LeBron.
Fuck the Lakers.

Speaker 1 I like this anger.

Speaker 10 I hate the Lakers so much. I love it.
They haven't been good in so long. This has died not seeing that team make the playoffs in years, just so you guys know.

Speaker 10 He died thinking you guys were a loser city.

Speaker 1 This is going to piss some people off. I liked it.

Speaker 1 I mean, this show is built on like dumb sports fandom because we are dumb guys.

Speaker 1 And I've always like rooting for your team is obviously part of sports, but rooting against your enemies is probably bigger.

Speaker 10 Yeah, it really unlocked for me. I found a guy who was doing that, and I was like, yeah, especially when your team's not in it.
You can just root against a fucking hated rival.

Speaker 1 I hate the Packers. I hate Aaron Rodgers.
And we had him on, and I explained to him, I was like, you losing in the playoffs is my Super Bowl. Like, I have 11 Super Bowls.
You only have one.

Speaker 10 How did he react to that?

Speaker 1 He was just like, all right, whatever.

Speaker 1 You can't argue with statistics. Yeah, like I have more rings than you.
Yeah. Because that's the best.
I know I'm a loser. Yeah, I know my team's losing.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the Bears suck. I admit that part.

Speaker 1 My hatred now is my fandom. Yeah.
Until they get good.

Speaker 10 It's great.

Speaker 10 You should make a jersey. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I was thinking about just raising a bunch of banners, just being like, Pat's lost, 1997.

Speaker 10 Pat's lost, 1998.

Speaker 1 Yeah, right. There it is.

Speaker 10 2001.

Speaker 2 Besides the Lakers, who else are you like that with?

Speaker 10 Really? That's my number one.

Speaker 2 Just spend all your energy yeah

Speaker 10 i mean i i will look i'm a pels fan but like before

Speaker 10 i look at how they did i'll look at how the lakers

Speaker 1 you're hatred fusion you're a pelicans fan yeah from charlotte to transfer to whatever followed him yeah followed him and zion just won't play

Speaker 10 he just won't play annoying he's he's not fragile it's a different injury every time i know but it's just like what the fuck we need you i do think that the nba rigged it to give us zion yeah i mean well yeah, they do that.

Speaker 1 I mean, the NBA rigged.

Speaker 1 They rigged the Bulls getting Derrick Rose. That is a fact.
Like, and I'm hoping they do the same thing.

Speaker 1 Like, that's the best part of rooting for a team in the NBA where you're like, maybe this year they rig it for us.

Speaker 6 Right.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they're like, ah, like, I've talked myself in it. Like, maybe Victor Wembana goes to the Bulls because they're like, hey, we need the Bulls to be good again.

Speaker 10 Yeah.

Speaker 10 Who would they be most likely to give it to?

Speaker 1 I actually think it might be the Bulls. I don't know.
Probably. Yeah, they walk them back.
It could be the Knicks. But the Knicks will win the lottery.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they're going to be the one.

Speaker 1 It's a lottery team. Like, it's not

Speaker 1 the Rockets, maybe.

Speaker 2 Well, the Lakers. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, God. I don't think they have their pick.

Speaker 6 Yeah, they don't.

Speaker 1 They don't have any picks.

Speaker 10 No, they're good. It's because of the collusion.

Speaker 1 Yeah, G.M. LeBron traded them all away.

Speaker 2 Le Collusion?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Le Collusion.

Speaker 1 Fuck that guy. By the way, did you want a Zen? I saw you eye it.

Speaker 10 Did you want one? No, I was just seeing what it was.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. When I put one in, you were like...

Speaker 10 Those got me...

Speaker 1 They got me wired.

Speaker 2 Yeah, the Sixes, especially.

Speaker 10 Hey, how's that fart coming, though?

Speaker 2 Oh, I farted five times already.

Speaker 1 I told you you weren't going to know.

Speaker 1 I have a question about

Speaker 1 you are very open about your mushroom use. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm starting to micro-dose. Do you micro-dose every day?

Speaker 10 I have some right now in my pocket.

Speaker 1 Really? Yeah. Do you micro-dose like every single day? Oh, fuck.

Speaker 10 No, I do not.

Speaker 1 I go hard when I go hard. Oh, you go hard?

Speaker 10 I tried micro-dosing.

Speaker 1 It made me real dumb.

Speaker 10 Really? Yeah, real cloudy.

Speaker 2 It just

Speaker 2 makes me happy.

Speaker 10 I got to try with acid.

Speaker 1 That's coffee. That's not micro-dosing anymore.
No, cuffs. I'm not gonna cut it off the little corners and stuff.

Speaker 1 Yeah, now you're just doing drugs.

Speaker 1 No, I've just started. It's every few days, but yeah.

Speaker 10 How much do you take?

Speaker 1 It's like, I don't know.

Speaker 1 I gave Big Cat a bottle full of them and I was doing it these weeks ago too.

Speaker 2 They're these capsules, and so you just take one.

Speaker 10 How much is in a capsule?

Speaker 2 I have just one capsule.

Speaker 1 I can get them for you. Yeah.

Speaker 10 And I just want to know how much you're taking for microdose.

Speaker 1 It's very little. Everybody's taking it.
Yeah, no, it's, I love mushrooms, too. It's the best.
We went to Denver and we did a meet and greet with our fans and we just got handed so many drugs.

Speaker 1 It was insane.

Speaker 10 That's the best, dude. That's the best thing.
Then pussy is number one. Number two is free drugs.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 10 Fandom. People are like, here, you should take this.

Speaker 1 Either like, here, have these mushrooms. Somebody gave me the hike, and it was like

Speaker 10 they're hard to find. Yeah.
Mushrooms. It's not like weed where you can just get it.
Right. You're like, I appreciate it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, like people handing you weed, it's like. All right, you just went next door?

Speaker 10 Mushrooms and acid is the only thing I'll take home. If people give me weed, I'll be like, I'll smoke it here in Indianapolis, but

Speaker 10 I'm not going to transport this.

Speaker 1 Yeah, can you fly?

Speaker 10 Good bag of mushrooms.

Speaker 1 It's like, we're risking it. Can you fly with mushrooms? I mean, physically?

Speaker 1 Do they have like mushroom sniffing dogs?

Speaker 2 I don't think that they train them for psilocybin, right?

Speaker 10 Probably not.

Speaker 1 Let's hope not.

Speaker 10 Let's hope not. Dude, I got a rolled up newspaper.
It's my first time getting some in Indianapolis. Somebody's like, Ari, here's this newspaper today for you.
And it was just like, and I'm like, oh.

Speaker 1 And you just open it up for the staff. Like, what's this?

Speaker 10 You're like, it's fun time.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Do you ever, you never the best? Do you take mushrooms and go on stage?

Speaker 10 I have before.

Speaker 1 How does that go? Bad. Yeah, I was going to say, I don't think it would go well.
Yeah. You're just laughing at your own jokes.

Speaker 10 Yeah, and you focus on the wrong things. You see, you immediately are like, How long have I been on?

Speaker 1 Fuck.

Speaker 10 Has it been here like an hour? It's been fun. Shit.
And then you realize, like, I'm supposed to keep talking. Or you'll focus on a light.

Speaker 1 Like, is that light always been there?

Speaker 1 Is that about me? So it's fun for you and no one else. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 10 Like jazz music and improv.

Speaker 2 yeah exactly um yeah it's it is fun but no don't also people do it at comedy shows i like at fans like i'll take mushrooms it's the worst place to be yeah you don't want to be in a chair locked into a fucking seat you want to be able to get up and you want to walk around yeah yeah absolutely i took i took acid for the first time in qatar at the world cup a sober game around like 70 000 other people that might be the worst possible experience to take acid for the first time at it was bad it was bad i was just and also, I was on camera the entire time.

Speaker 2 So I was. Why? Because we're doing it for content.

Speaker 7 We're making a video.

Speaker 10 Did you tell them you are on acid in Qatar?

Speaker 1 Oh, God, no. No.

Speaker 2 In retrospect, it's one of those things where it's like,

Speaker 2 I picked the worst possible time to do this particular drug.

Speaker 2 But I need to have another experience. So,

Speaker 2 in your opinion, taking acid, if you're going to take it for the first time, what would the perfect environment be?

Speaker 1 Oh, good question.

Speaker 10 You want open space.

Speaker 10 So I'll take it at a party and then I'll find myself on a golf course at like 2 a.m yeah i took it at a ufc once oh that must meet some buddies it was great he really me joey diaz we told rogan we were doing it and he was like sick

Speaker 10 come on dude we it was one time we had bad seats and he was like where the fuck are you guys and we like showing like

Speaker 10 dude i mean i was crying i was crying and every time like Yeah, when people would like come into the octagon with like, with, you know, with, with like back music, like walking music, I was just like, this is like the Coliseum.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 We're all screaming for blood. What are we doing here? Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 In those moments, yeah, you're like,

Speaker 1 how did I get here?

Speaker 10 It's great. Yeah.
It's great when you get like a deep hunger and you get like a burrito or something. You take one bite.
You're like, that's what I'm doing.

Speaker 1 Do you ever try to bring up other sports to Joe?

Speaker 10 Hilarious.

Speaker 1 Our boss went on, yeah, and he basically got trapped in like a three-hour UFC.

Speaker 10 Fournoy went on, Rogan? Yeah. Oh, finally, that's a good matchup.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but he got trapped in like a three-hour UFC conversation. He likes UFC and billiards.

Speaker 10 Really? Billiards. And that's it.
He knows deep pool history.

Speaker 1 That's crazy.

Speaker 2 Yeah. How much history is there in pool? Like, it's nine fucking.
How many balls? 15 balls?

Speaker 10 Nine.

Speaker 1 Nine balls? Yeah.

Speaker 10 If they don't know where he plays that other kind, yeah.

Speaker 7 That's bars.

Speaker 10 Yeah. Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 10 He'll play for hours, too. Really? Yeah, you go on the road.
Blake when he plays in pool, it's like, okay.

Speaker 1 And then like an hour later, like, let's get out of here, though. And he's fucking playing for close.

Speaker 10 He has a glove he wears. What a fucking loser.

Speaker 10 He comes with his own little stupid glove.

Speaker 1 So he goes,

Speaker 1 did he bring a stick? Yes. Yeah.
Yeah. That's actually, I kind of respect that.

Speaker 10 Yeah, you respect that.

Speaker 1 The glove is like, fuck off. Anyone who shows up to like a bowling alley with a bowling ball, you're like, all right,

Speaker 1 this is more than a hobby. Like, you're ready to go.

Speaker 10 Yeah, no, he knows like a lot of the pros. I got fucking blasted drunk at a podcast once and then like with Norman and Shane.
And then they were like trying to pick me up. I mean, I was so drunk.

Speaker 10 I'm I'm throwing up. And they're like, let's go, let's go.
I'm like, guys, I'm fine here on the floor. Yeah.
It's like if I got drunk and you all have to go.

Speaker 1 No, no, I'm good.

Speaker 10 Anyway, woke up like two hours later and he's just in the other room playing pool with like these like high-level professionals.

Speaker 1 I'm like, are you gambling?

Speaker 10 I don't even know what you're doing.

Speaker 2 I used to love the trick shot videos in pool.

Speaker 1 They played with Black Widow. Yeah, the Black Widow was awesome.

Speaker 10 She ruled. She ruled.
She was hot.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 I've learned the hard way that you can't drink with Shane because he's a tank. You can't drink with him.

Speaker 10 It's a mistake.

Speaker 1 He is an absolute tank.

Speaker 10 It's a mistake to try to keep up with him. Yeah.
I've done it before. Give it up.
Give props to the fucking master.

Speaker 1 He really is. You just can't.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we did a case race, and I was like, yeah, I'm going to.

Speaker 10 You're fucked, dude.

Speaker 1 You saw it in his eye, too. He's like, oh, they think that they can drink with me.
And sometimes you'll get him too drunk.

Speaker 10 But he's also got that spirit of like, you won't beat me, though.

Speaker 10 So even if he's like, I would stop except I see you beer for beer.

Speaker 1 Right. I'm never stopping.

Speaker 10 Yeah. Oh, he'll talk you into it, too.

Speaker 10 So I was like, I was the day before, I tried to keep up with him, and it was like, I'm going to go beer for beer with you tomorrow. And he's like, what?

Speaker 1 Yeah, he lied. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 10 And I was coming off a month of sobriety. And it's not my game.

Speaker 1 And it's his game.

Speaker 10 And I'm like, all right, well, I'll go every other beer. He goes, so you're immediately pussing out? Like one second after you made your claim, you're going to puss out?

Speaker 10 I was like, all right, whatever. And then I cracked the first beer of the podcast, and I just like eyeballed him from the side.
And he was like, oh, really?

Speaker 10 I kept up with him for 10.

Speaker 1 And then it was over.

Speaker 10 And then I smoked a joint. That's what ruined me.

Speaker 2 Do you go back and listen to those podcasts before you put them out? Or do you just trust in yourself and you're like, fuck it. We said what we said.

Speaker 10 We said what we said. Yeah.
Dude, the deal is you're supposed to say whatever, take some chances. Yeah.
If a joke's not good, it's not good.

Speaker 1 You can't be worried.

Speaker 1 That's probably really freeing. Did you always have that in your head? Or was there a moment where you're like, you know what? I'm going to say what I want to say.

Speaker 1 And everyone knows that this is what I'm trying to do. And if if it doesn't land, we go on to the next one.

Speaker 10 Yeah. I mean, that's early Twitter was like that.
They told us, like, throw it anything. Right.
And if it's not funny, it just won't get retweeted. And if it is, it will.
Right.

Speaker 10 And then the rules changed around us. And we're like, hey, remember nine years ago you did this? And we're like, yeah, it just wasn't funny.

Speaker 1 Like, yeah, it wasn't funny. And I'm like, wait, what?

Speaker 1 It's nuts.

Speaker 10 But the best moments in comedy is when you take this deep chance and you hit it. And it's worth a bunch of failures.
Yeah. One time I was doing this bit, I mean when I was a young comic,

Speaker 10 and it was late night in the original room at the store, and I was doing this bit about how Jews were

Speaker 10 the original blacks in this country. Like, we made all the boxing, basketball.
It was all this. Here, because Jews was a basketball team.

Speaker 1 Because we were poor immigrants.

Speaker 10 And the joke was we were the original Len words. And

Speaker 10 I would use the word. And this big, jovial black guy was like, no, no, man, you got to do A-H at the end.

Speaker 1 You got to do A at the end.

Speaker 10 And I was like, okay, so then it's okay. And he goes, yeah, as long as you use the A at the end, it's fine.
And then I just did this deep joke. I'm like, these fucking, I can't even do it now.

Speaker 10 But I'm like, these fucking, and I would say it with the A,

Speaker 1 are fucking our women.

Speaker 9 They're taking our jobs.

Speaker 10 And he was dying laughing. Yeah.
And it was like, you got to take a chance.

Speaker 1 Yeah. It's, it's the, it's the comedy when you, when someone says something that is at risk and you, in your head, you're like, oh shit, I never even thought of that.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And, and like, it unlocks something in your brain.

Speaker 10 and you might you might this could go really bad and for every person that walks out angry in my show it's like 98 of the rest of people are really loving it that's i mean it's an awesome way to look at it yeah i love it if i don't get two people walking out every show i failed really you got to have a couple people like fuck this guy And also, they get even madder when everyone else is laughing.

Speaker 10 Right. So it's like, it's just your line is different.

Speaker 2 It's confusing to me. A person that would go to a comedy show and then get so mad at the comedy that they leave.

Speaker 10 Yeah, not just, eh, it's not for me. Like if somebody does political humor, I don't follow any of that shit.
So I'm just like, I don't even know who that is. Right.
I don't get it.

Speaker 10 But I'm not mad at it.

Speaker 1 I just don't get it. Right.

Speaker 10 You know? Or sports humor, not everybody likes. They don't get the reference.
They don't get it.

Speaker 1 It's fine. But, like, mad.

Speaker 10 You paid for joviality. Right.

Speaker 1 You're leaving angry. It's nothing.

Speaker 10 So, Adrian, this is why I love her so much. The day after Parkland, one of the worst shootings.
I mean, it was fucking kid kids.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 10 And it

Speaker 10 happened on

Speaker 10 Ash Wednesday. And so this was Thursday night.
So everyone's feeling it. And she goes, yeah, it was terrible.
It made it worse is all those kids had targets on their foreheads.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 10 And dude, it was like silence for like 30 seconds and then this eruption of release and laughter. Yeah.
But most people would go, it's not worth the risk. Right.
And she's like, no, it is. Yeah.

Speaker 10 And it was the best joke of the year. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. That's, I mean, it is crazy to think about like those you want.

Speaker 1 I hope we never get to a spot where comedians stop doing that.

Speaker 10 They do. They do, but it just opens up the door for real comics.
Yeah. It's great.

Speaker 1 It must be, like, is it the best time to be a comic?

Speaker 10 It's the best, dude. You follow these fucking chuds.
They do fucking nothing.

Speaker 1 It's so easy.

Speaker 9 Yeah.

Speaker 10 Oh, my God. Yeah, it's the best time to be a comic.

Speaker 1 First of all, it's popular.

Speaker 10 And second of all, yeah, we could kind of do whatever we... I had a lady waiting for me outside.
Sometimes when they leave, I'm like, which joke was it? Right. Because it's just their trigger.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 10 So I was like, could have been one of seven or eight different ones. This lady, they told me she got mad at the Village Underground.
I was like, all right, whatever. I was talking for a while.

Speaker 10 Then I left, went to the comedy cellar. And as I'm walking down the street, down third, somebody's like, you're a piece of shit.

Speaker 9 And I'm like, oh, I bet you're that lady.

Speaker 1 I bet you're the one that left mad.

Speaker 10 Imagine. Oh, I love it.
They have no idea how much joy it brings me, too.

Speaker 2 Well, if they told you the reason why they left, you would probably write more jokes about that thing.

Speaker 10 100%.

Speaker 10 Every time somebody comes down on like...

Speaker 10 Somebody overstepped with an Asian joke. It just makes everyone do Asian jokes.
A rape joke makes everyone start going, oh yeah, I should do more rape rape jokes.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 10 It's just the opposite of what they want. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Hey, it's PFT here, reminding you that Boarshead makes game day entertaining elevated and effortless.

Speaker 2 Whether you order catering platters ahead from your local Boars Head retailer, or you create your own spread at home with Boar's Head premium deli meats and cheeses, you are sure to impress your guests.

Speaker 2 My favorites like oven gold turkey or blazing buffalo-style chicken, paired with their classic Vermont cheddar or creamy Munster cheese, are sure to score big and help me elevate my entertainment every time whether it's for a tailgate or a home gating celebration seriously guys it's a game-changing flavor for every gathering boarshead committed to craft since 1905 this is kind of a i i don't know if it's a fucked up question or like i'm always just curious because anyone who's in the entertainment business anyone who's producing content comedians especially have you thought of like how many years you have left and like what what this what the path looks like or is it just yeah dude my hands fucking shake i've I've done too many drugs, so I probably got seven years left.

Speaker 10 Either an OD is going to take me or one of those fucking heart attacks that leaves me fucking spoon-fed.

Speaker 10 Probably seven years left.

Speaker 1 Damn. Yeah.
And I'm going out hard. So you don't even have to worry about someday not being funny.

Speaker 10 No, yeah, it'll be done.

Speaker 2 Do people have permission to make a joke about your death when it happens?

Speaker 1 Dude, what an honor.

Speaker 2 Yeah. That's a good way to, I feel the same way, man.
I really do.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Mari Shafir died seven years too late, so we could have never seen that Kobe tweet yeah

Speaker 10 wish he had died before Kobe so we everybody gets mad at that I'm just like oh you're just telling me you're a dork that's all you're telling me is that you're a fucking humorless dork yeah walking around with that anger it's so funny too because I'll do that all the time just like people worship celebrities too much so just like everyone's like you know when everyone's talking about a friend Yeah, you know, and they're like, oh, that guy rules.

Speaker 10 Oh, he's great. One time he picked me up from the airport.
That guy's awesome. It just kind of goes around the circle.
And all you got to do is go, fuck him.

Speaker 1 And it's just funny.

Speaker 10 And that's the moment. But it's different groups get mad at me.
So, like,

Speaker 10 who's the guy? Kenny Rogers died. Yeah.
And I called him a racist. And fucking, that's why he only had roasted chicken, not fried.
And he didn't want black people at his restaurant.

Speaker 10 And there's all these like middle-aged, like, white ladies, like 60-year-old white ladies, like, fuck you.

Speaker 1 This is why you'll never have a special.

Speaker 10 You're not funny.

Speaker 1 I'm like, fun, four.

Speaker 1 It's a great.

Speaker 10 I just love it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's making people uncomfortable.

Speaker 10 Yeah, dude, I hope I OD.

Speaker 1 I want to go hard.

Speaker 10 I don't want to age out.

Speaker 2 Like an accidental OD or just like load up one day?

Speaker 1 I hope you don't die from an OD.

Speaker 10 How do you hope I die?

Speaker 1 I don't know. I mean, just die a nice little, you know.
That's the dream. I mean, if you die.
71. Yeah, if you die.

Speaker 10 He dies from an OD at 71.

Speaker 1 If you die of an OD and you're old, that's the best way to get it. Okay, yeah.
71. I was thinking you were going to OD like tomorrow.

Speaker 10 Yeah, yeah, yeah. It'll be soon.

Speaker 1 It might be soon. Right.
Yeah, don't do that. But yeah, if you get to 71,

Speaker 1 fuck it.

Speaker 2 Can we politicize your death?

Speaker 1 Ooh.

Speaker 1 Vaccine. It was the vaccine.

Speaker 1 It wasn't the fucking vaccine. You got to get it.
10 pounds of acid. It was the vaccine.

Speaker 10 Yeah, he always, Zastard always worked on him before.

Speaker 1 Now suddenly.

Speaker 10 Yeah, you got to find a new political cause and make it about that. I give you full permission.
Okay.

Speaker 1 I will. Like, make it not.
But, like, what? Like.

Speaker 10 Yeah. It's because the Yankees are underachieving.

Speaker 2 Or Russia. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Russia's hot. Yeah, Russia.
Russia killed him. Just vague about Russia.
Oh, Hillary.

Speaker 2 Russia was involved. Say something bad about Hillary.
Yeah. And that way, say that you have information

Speaker 2 leading to the arrest of Hillary Clinton.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Another Clinton body count.
There it is.

Speaker 2 That's what I want people to say when I die is like, Hillary got him.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Clearly.
Yeah. Too much.

Speaker 10 That would be an honor. Yeah.
That'd be like, oh, you were on her radar. Yeah.

Speaker 1 She didn't like one of your jokes. Yeah.
Okay.

Speaker 1 That would be, that would be props to Hill Dog if she killed you because one of your jokes offended her. She's just running away from me.

Speaker 10 Remember when her husband was just fucking everything, and then she found out and it was just like, I'm sticking with him. And then we all found out like, they haven't fucked in years.

Speaker 10 She's a hardcore lesbian and everybody knows it and that's when it was proven this is how she's gonna get she munches you said too much truth

Speaker 10 you're now you're now on the list that's right and she fucking her and oprah just fucking 69 each other you know it you know it's true photoshop it

Speaker 1 that makes it true uh all right well everyone go check out ari beacon theater uh march 24th friday gonna be who give us one of the guests this coming fuck no dude surprise guests that's what i love

Speaker 10 yeah my special drew is on YouTube right now. But yeah, surprise guests.
It's going to be a fucking fun time. Yeah.
I'm pulling out all stops for this because it's my homecoming.

Speaker 1 I love it. I love it.

Speaker 1 Thank you so much for coming by. Dude, thanks for having me.
Yeah.

Speaker 10 This is one of the best shows there is.

Speaker 1 Oh.

Speaker 10 Like, legitimately. You guys don't take anything seriously.

Speaker 1 That is true. Yeah, it's great.
Sometimes we do, and then

Speaker 1 we laugh at ourselves for being a good person. Yeah, true.
Exactly. It's okay to fuck up.

Speaker 1 All right, I'll tell you. Yeah, remember when I got mad about this? That was stupid? Yeah.
That's actually the best when you can be like, yeah, wow. When you're like, yeah.

Speaker 1 I fought with people online about like a bear's free agency. Like,

Speaker 1 how big of a loser?

Speaker 10 You ever get troll-bad troll that halfway through, you're like, Oh, you don't care about that.

Speaker 1 You got me, dude.

Speaker 1 I've started to get a little bit smarter where someone will say something that pisses me off, and then I'll click on their profile and it's zero followers. I'm like, can't reply, cannot reply.

Speaker 1 Damn, like they have to have at least 10.

Speaker 10 I'll give them props. I'm like, You got me, and then they'll keep you like, No, no, this is where I really feel like it's over, dude.

Speaker 1 It's over. You got me.

Speaker 1 Stand up. You got me mad.
It happened.

Speaker 1 All right. Well, thanks so much, man.
Appreciate it.

Speaker 10 Yeah, thank you guys.

Speaker 1 Thank you. Roback, come in those pants.

Speaker 14 Whether I'm hosting game day at my place or taking my talents to the tailgate, Boarshead is my go-to for a spread that's as exciting as the game itself. Their platters are a hit every time.

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Speaker 14 My personal favorite, the blazing buffalo chicken, hummus, or even one of their charcuterie collections for game-changing flavor.

Speaker 14 Boarshead helps me elevate my entertaining every time, whether it's for a tailgate or a home gating celebration.

Speaker 14 To upgrade your spread, visit your local Boarshead deli for platter options or build your own to make it perfect for your crowd. Boarshead, committed to craft since 1905.

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Speaker 6 The road trip might be over, but dinner's just getting good.

Speaker 1 Okay, let's wrap up with Firefest. We reviewed the tape.
It was a confusing. Ah, he fucking hit it.
Ah, he fucking hit it.

Speaker 7 Cell phone.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
I mean, you held the ah. That's why I heard

Speaker 1 I fucking did it.

Speaker 2 You can really hear whatever you want to hear that. Yeah.
If you hate Max enough, you'll hear I fucking hit it.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I was just hoping you said I fucking hit it with 12 seconds left, which would have been a very premature call.

Speaker 7 That's a good cue to my Fire Fest. Oh, okay.

Speaker 7 We had a men's league game, and they start doing the countdown clock with two minutes left.

Speaker 7 And so they were counting down the clock like 10, 9, 8, 7, 6. We were down one.
Hit a shot with one second left and I thought the game was over. But it was the shot clock that was one second left.

Speaker 7 There was 12 seconds left.

Speaker 7 They came down.

Speaker 7 Hit a shot. We lost by one.

Speaker 7 Big T got hacked with two seconds left.

Speaker 1 What's Big T's game like?

Speaker 2 Exactly.

Speaker 7 He looks exactly as you would imagine. He's a gentle giant.

Speaker 7 He's not aggressive. He's a big body, big presence.
Doesn't really, you know, take advantage of that, but he likes to shoot. Okay.
But he got a good look, got hacked.

Speaker 7 The ref didn't caught it, it's one of those situations where it's like intermural, so it's like how mad can you get at the ref, but it's like if you're gonna be refereeing an intermural game and someone gets hacked with two seconds left, maybe not in the middle of the game, who cares?

Speaker 7 Foul schmal. Yeah,

Speaker 7 but what's the point?

Speaker 2 He's usually a big stop-the-steal guy. Yeah, it sounds like he got his pocket picked on the last play there.
No, he just got hacked.

Speaker 7 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 7 I also have a flight to Chicago in three hours. Wait, Hank, Hank.

Speaker 1 Go, what time? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Don't let

Speaker 1 that. Hank, real quick.

Speaker 2 So, in this game, it sounds like you played pretty well, right?

Speaker 7 Yeah, no, so that was actually, I wasn't even going to mention the end of the game because, like, who cares? My real Fire Fest was this was my first basketball game I've played in three months.

Speaker 7 I showed up late because I was playing video games with PFT.

Speaker 1 I had to run there.

Speaker 7 Nope.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 7 they were playing a zone. I didn't warm up.
I literally walked in as the game was starting, didn't warm up. And I was just like, fuck it.
They're playing zone.

Speaker 7 If I get an open look, you know how these pickup games go. It's pretty casual.
People aren't super aggressive in the beginning because no one's good. So no one's going to be just ripping threes.

Speaker 7 And I was like, all right, in my head, I was like, fuck it. I'm going to get an open look.
If they pass me the ball, I'm just going to shoot it. Don't think, just shoot.

Speaker 7 I legitimately shot it over the backboard.

Speaker 1 It went out of bounds.

Speaker 7 It was a hierarching shot that bounced off the top of the backboard.

Speaker 1 But that's your patented, I'm not ready yet. Shot.
I know.

Speaker 1 You are the king of like, I've always said it when people are like, what is Hank like playing basketball?

Speaker 7 I'm like, his first couple shots will completely miss the rim and then when he gets actually like honed in he will he will he will be good shooter right so it was it was comical it was somehow not Billy I wish Billy was here Billy as similar to Big T where it's like his game is exactly how you'd imagine his game to be Billy's game is exactly how you'd imagine it be where he's just a football player playing basketball right he

Speaker 7 shot a three

Speaker 7 Somehow he jumped high enough where I feel like he was parallel to the backboard. The ball went straight.
There was no arc on it.

Speaker 7 Bounced so hard off the backboard that I think it bounced and landed past the three-point line.

Speaker 1 It was, and

Speaker 7 I was laughing, but I was also like, I also just had one of the worst shots of all time, but it was, it was,

Speaker 1 I don't think I'll ever forget it.

Speaker 7 I don't think I'll ever forget it.

Speaker 2 I was honest to see Billy doing that and being like, that was pretty sweet.

Speaker 1 Yeah. No, he kept shooting.
Yeah, it didn't. It didn't stop.
Oh, my God. I got to keep shooting.
Yeah. Yeah.
I'm a little rusty here.

Speaker 2 It shatters the backboard.

Speaker 1 So good.

Speaker 2 So good. And then you came back and you won the next time that we played video games.

Speaker 7 Nope. Nope.

Speaker 1 Almost.

Speaker 1 Oh, shit.

Speaker 7 I tried, though. I'm just out here trying my hardest.
Shit. Hopefully I make this flight.

Speaker 1 Yeah, what time's your flight?

Speaker 1 7.

Speaker 1 A.M. Yeah.
It's 12.30. Yep.

Speaker 2 So you have to leave

Speaker 1 in like four hours, four and a half hours?

Speaker 2 I'm going to make it.

Speaker 1 You just leave right now.

Speaker 7 I'm going to do some thinking when I get home.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I would go to the airport.

Speaker 7 Yeah, I might just pull a Nick Tirani and just get to the airport.

Speaker 1 Get to the airport to the airport.

Speaker 2 Have a couple termies.

Speaker 2 Keep it loose.

Speaker 1 You're screwed.

Speaker 1 Nah. Yeah, yeah.
All right, PFT, what you're doing.

Speaker 2 You know what's going to be great if Hank gets on a plane at 7:30?

Speaker 2 The type of yawns he's going to be hitting with his

Speaker 2 complete stranger sitting next to him.

Speaker 1 I don't care.

Speaker 1 He might make something land.

Speaker 7 Sometimes I wake up and it's like inception, like where they're all looking around. Like, did that just happen? And I wake up off a flight.

Speaker 7 I'm like, the person next to me probably heard me sleep talking, snoring.

Speaker 1 You probably had a boner.

Speaker 1 Maybe I had a far boner.

Speaker 7 Who knows? I feel like I don't really fart a bone in my sleep, but sometimes. But it's like I'm never going to hear about it, so who cares?

Speaker 1 Have you ever fallen asleep on a plane and woken up and had maybe a little half a chum? You're like, uh-oh.

Speaker 2 I get boners on the way to the airport.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it sucks so bad. You're like, wait.

Speaker 7 Morning wood.

Speaker 1 This has been happening? It's morning wood. You can science.
You know, I have a thousand. You've come in your pants on a plane.

Speaker 5 Yeah, that's my fire fest.

Speaker 1 I came in the flight back.

Speaker 5 No, but I have had that.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, that just happens.

Speaker 2 PFT. My Fire Fest is, you guys know I've got the golf bug.
I've been playing a lot recently. We haven't heard.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 2 listen, it's in your blood. You want to get it.
You're not a parvert like me, but it's all I think about when I wake up, all I think about when I go to bed. And

Speaker 2 the mission that I'm on, I'm denying myself. I'm building myself up like a video game character in golf, where I'm not allowing myself to get a golf bag until I break 1.30.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 that means that I'm carrying around a full set of clubs whenever I go to golf anywhere, which is very, very triggering for a lot of people online when they see that I've literally taken a belt and I've wrapped it around my golf clubs and tightened it to keep them all together.

Speaker 7 You're like the guy that hit the hole in one and wears the iron covers because that's what he had to do when he was poor.

Speaker 1 Like you just, you know, you've got to earn it. Yeah, I got to forget your roots.

Speaker 2 I don't have golf shoes yet. That's another thing I'm going to level up on eventually.

Speaker 2 But it's really starting to hit me how much it sucks not having a golf bag when you're going around to golf So you could just get a golf bag or no no no no no no you could just shoot at 130.

Speaker 2 Why why do you

Speaker 2 why do you as a man need a golf bag? You're basically carrying a purse around well you just say

Speaker 2 it sucks to have to carry my golf clubs Yeah, it does suck to have to do that and then also to try to have to look at which club you need and which club you're gonna use and then you pick up like seven clubs and look at which one they are before

Speaker 2 you rate everyone golf bag. I'm listening I'm building myself up no earned not given.
That's my motto when it comes to a golf bag. So I went to the to the indoor simulator and played with Jake today.

Speaker 2 I beat him. That's not really what I'm talking about, but I did beat him.

Speaker 2 But I definitely held up the pace to play big time, having to scavenge for whichever club I'm going to use each and every time.

Speaker 2 It's probably adding, I don't know, like a good hour, hour and a half to every time I try to play around a golf on the simulator. So

Speaker 2 it's a prison of my own design that I'm living in. Yes, yes.

Speaker 1 Max, by the way, trending topics right now. What a shot.
Chris Jenkins.

Speaker 6 Yeah. Who's Chris Jenkins?

Speaker 5 Chris Jenkins would be the player for Villanova.

Speaker 1 Oh, no, that is right. I knew I recognized that name.
So that was your play.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I mean,

Speaker 1 I'll still take that play.

Speaker 2 I'll take that. Where's Villanova from?

Speaker 1 Villanova, Pennsylvania.

Speaker 2 Okay, what part of that?

Speaker 1 Wait, is that right really the town name? Correct.

Speaker 5 That's crazy. Radner Township.

Speaker 2 I did not know that. What city?

Speaker 2 They're in like the big five, right?

Speaker 5 They are in the big five of Philadelphia.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay. Yes.

Speaker 5 And they just, and that play just beat ucla yeah no i'll take that i mean that was a win for me that was that was like one of the best days of my life so i'm 150 15 000 would have been nice

Speaker 1 fifteen thousand dollars would have been nice correct that is correct and that is my fire fest all right my fire fest i get a weird one i

Speaker 1 had to get my cavities i had two cavities that i'd been sleeping on for about six months thought they were going to become uh root canals went to the dentist and my fire fest it's a little bit of a twist because most people are like oh i hate going to dentist i actually uh

Speaker 1 now that we're moving i'm going to miss my dentist i have the best dentist in the world i've never had a good dentist in my entire life and my dentist fucking rules he's a fan of the show fan of barstool like tells me straight up what he's like this is how long this is going to take like it's going to take this you want a little gas okay you get a little gas all the stuff it's the best thing ever i don't know if i'll ever go to the dentist again oh yeah i've never had a good dentist.

Speaker 2 Oh, I've never had, I don't think good dentists exist actually. Wait,

Speaker 1 when was the last time you guys been to the dentist?

Speaker 7 I'm working with it. I think, I would say five plus.

Speaker 2 For me, it was in March. Probably a couple.

Speaker 1 Oh, you've gone. Okay, so you're good.

Speaker 2 It was March Madness.

Speaker 1 No, no, not this March.

Speaker 2 No, no, no, no. This is March

Speaker 2 2018.

Speaker 1 Oh, man.

Speaker 7 Yeah, I'm definitely pre-COVID. And I'm definitely...

Speaker 2 I brush and I floss twice a day. I've got great teeth.

Speaker 5 It's five years easy.

Speaker 5 I would like to find a dentist.

Speaker 1 I have a great teeth.

Speaker 5 But I'm also like the Chicago thing. It's like, eh.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you just wait till you move.

Speaker 7 No, I'm not before I move, but I'm going to brush it. Why would you go?

Speaker 7 Because I'm trying to just get my shit together.

Speaker 1 There's going to be so much blood.

Speaker 2 Nah, dentists are a scam.

Speaker 7 I just like it.

Speaker 7 They're going to be like, you have

Speaker 7 three canals.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Root canals suck.

Speaker 2 You brush your teeth, though, right, Hank?

Speaker 1 Yes. But I love sugar.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, brushing your teeth is obviously good, but you still get cavities. Like, I brush my teeth, I get cavities.

Speaker 2 You don't have a cavity until somebody tells you you have a cavity.

Speaker 1 That's true. Or your mouth hurts.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 2 People don't go to the dentist when their teeth are feeling great.

Speaker 1 Yeah, although cleanings, I know. I actually learned that cleanings,

Speaker 1 they're not the worst if you actually do it semi-frequently. I remember because I was on the same streak as you guys.
It had been like probably four or five years.

Speaker 1 I went, got the cleaning, was the worst experience ever. And they're like, if you come back in four months, five months, it won't suck.
And then I did that, and it didn't suck. That's how they get it.

Speaker 7 You had a kid, and then you started being responsible with that.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 going to the dentist.

Speaker 7 Was this guy?

Speaker 7 Was it a coincidental?

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 I had connected with him about something else. And then he was like, I'm a dentist in Brooklyn.
And I was like, okay, great. And then, yeah, he's saved my life.
And I'm going to miss him.

Speaker 1 I might just fly to go to his place. I have a question.
Yeah.

Speaker 5 Has anyone gotten the physical that we all said that we were going to get? Oh, fuck. fuck.

Speaker 2 Oh, I need to get it.

Speaker 2 Actually, thank you for reminding me because the guys with the F-18 hit me up and they're like, yeah, you need to get a physical from a real doctor if you want to go up in this plane.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we got to do physicals. I think they're going to, are they going to do the butt thing to me?

Speaker 1 No, you're not 40. Would uh

Speaker 1 you weren't here, I don't think, Hank. We said we'd all get physicals and share the results.

Speaker 1 That was a fun conversation.

Speaker 5 Teams said that was his resolution?

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's right. It was your resolution.
All right, so we got to do that.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I still haven't got it.

Speaker 1 None of us have. But Jake definitely has.
Jake's definitely done a physical. Speaking of physicals, there was a Saints player who got a physical, and he found out he had cancer.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Thank you.

Speaker 2 That's why I never get physical. That's why they're not

Speaker 1 a real bummer. I don't think I'm going to get one.

Speaker 1 That was a bummer, memes.

Speaker 1 Damn, dude.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 Jesus Christ.

Speaker 2 Thoughts and prayers?

Speaker 1 Way to fucking end the show on a bummer, man.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, it was Moreau from the Raiders. Prayers for Moreau.
Prayers for Moreau.

Speaker 1 Fuck, memes.

Speaker 1 I don't know what to say after that.

Speaker 2 Definitely not going to physical. No.

Speaker 1 No, definitely.

Speaker 7 No, we should. I mean, if we're going to all have cancer, we should probably try and navigate.

Speaker 1 Well, let's hope we just don't get cancer.

Speaker 7 Now I think I have cancer.

Speaker 2 Statistically, only like two of us in this room have cancer.

Speaker 5 Chicago.

Speaker 1 That's when you'll find out that you had cancer. No, cancer.

Speaker 1 You can't get a doctor now.

Speaker 5 Right. Yeah.
Like, I haven't gotten a doctor nor a dentist since I've been in New York.

Speaker 1 So, maybe this is the key to never going to the dentist or doctor's moving every few years. Yeah.

Speaker 7 Yeah, I know. And you live like an hour away.

Speaker 2 I don't want to start that relationship now.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
I'm going to miss this relationship. I wish

Speaker 1 I could keep it. I might, I might actually, it might be better to fly to New York to do dental work than like start a new relationship.

Speaker 7 I have so many dentists hitting us up.

Speaker 1 Yeah, hopefully. We want cool ones.

Speaker 2 No, you can move on for me. Don't bother.

Speaker 1 We need them.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Hank, have you ever gotten this?

Speaker 6 The lottery ball machine? Yeah. No.

Speaker 1 You just take L's.

Speaker 7 Always. Max.
Almost like Max.

Speaker 1 All right, numbers.

Speaker 1 Oh, Hank. You know what number you should pick.

Speaker 2 I'm going to do 17.

Speaker 1 I'm going to do three. 69.

Speaker 2 Three's not in there, you idiot.

Speaker 1 How do you...

Speaker 1 Are you trying to move on? How are you so bad at this?

Speaker 7 I'm not trying to fuck with memes.

Speaker 2 It's shocking how bad at this you are.

Speaker 1 I thought you were going to pick 69.

Speaker 1 Nah.

Speaker 1 20. Oh,

Speaker 1 who has. Who's...
Oh, Johnny Fanta has 26.

Speaker 1 Fuck him. Yeah, no, no, no, no.
Johnny Fanta has 26. Max has 25.
48.

Speaker 1 Max Homo has 25. 87.

Speaker 2 I like the sound of 48.

Speaker 1 I feel good about this, Hank.

Speaker 1 Where's Jake?

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 2 He's doing the titus show. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Two. Oh, you were one-off.
Damn.

Speaker 1 If when we had said it was there's no three, you've just been like, fine, two.

Speaker 1 Why? That's not a crazy thing to say. No, you were one off.
You were close. I was so close.
You get Hank.

Speaker 2 You're getting closer.

Speaker 1 Max, you got an animal fact for us?

Speaker 2 I love you guys.

Speaker 2 Dogs are chill.

Speaker 1 Don't get away.

Speaker 1 I don't know what I'm to say. I'll say it anyway.

Speaker 1 Today is

Speaker 1 another day to find you shying away.

Speaker 1 I'll be coming for your love, okay. And

Speaker 1 take

Speaker 1 on

Speaker 1 me,

Speaker 1 take

Speaker 1 me

Speaker 1 on,

Speaker 1 I'll

Speaker 1 be

Speaker 1 gone

Speaker 1 in a day or

Speaker 1 two.

Speaker 1 So, needless to say,

Speaker 1 I'm odds and ends.

Speaker 1 But that's me, I'm stumbling away.

Speaker 1 Slowly learning that the life is okay. And

Speaker 1 say after me,

Speaker 1 it's no better to be safe than sorry. And

Speaker 1 take

Speaker 1 on

Speaker 1 me,

Speaker 1 take

Speaker 1 me

Speaker 1 God

Speaker 1 in a tale

Speaker 1 to

Speaker 1 And all things that you say

Speaker 1 is it live or

Speaker 1 just to play my worries away.

Speaker 1 You're all the things I've got to remember. You're shying away.

Speaker 1 I'll be coming for you anyway.

Speaker 1 Take

Speaker 1 on

Speaker 1 me

Speaker 1 take

Speaker 1 me

Speaker 1 on

Speaker 1 I'll be

Speaker 1 God

Speaker 1 in a day of two

Speaker 1 I'll be

Speaker 1 God

Speaker 1 in a day or

Speaker 1 two

Speaker 1 in a day or two.