Best of 2022, Aaron Rodgers, Chris Berman, Dungeons & Dragons And More

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Speaker 1 On today's Pardon My Take, best of 2022.

Speaker 9 We have everything that happened this past year, best interviews, best moments, all of it

Speaker 9 in one spot.

Speaker 13 Relive what was a great year in Pardon My Take.

Speaker 14 Hey, it's PFT here, reminding you that Boars Head makes game day entertaining elevated and effortless.

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Speaker 24 Okay, let's go.

Speaker 24 Now in the street, there is violence

Speaker 24 And then a lot of work to be done

Speaker 24 No place to hang out or washing

Speaker 24 And then I can't blame all on the sun Oh no, we're gonna rock it down to Electric Avenue

Speaker 24 And then we'll take it higher

Speaker 24 Oh we're gonna rock it down to

Speaker 25 Electronic my take.

Speaker 26 Presented by Barstage.

Speaker 1 Welcome to Part of My Take. Today is Wednesday, December 28th.

Speaker 27 And let's get into the best of, shall we, PFT?

Speaker 30 I'm pumped.

Speaker 31 We had a very good year.

Speaker 32 A great year.

Speaker 33 Some of our best of is actually, ironically, I think some of our worst stuff.

Speaker 34 Yep.

Speaker 33 Always looking at the list of some of the stuff, but that's the magic of this podcast.

Speaker 18 Sometimes it's so bad that it's great.

Speaker 35 Yes.

Speaker 36 So let's dive right in.

Speaker 9 Best of 2022, and we will be back live with a new show on Friday, live from the Arizona Bowl, which you can watch on barsool.tv, 4.30 p.m.

Speaker 35 Eastern, Ohio versus Wyoming.

Speaker 40 Check us out. We will be there.

Speaker 18 Hey, Big Cat, do you have any New Year's resolutions?

Speaker 41 Yeah.

Speaker 18 I'm not telling you. Okay, that's smart.
That's smart. Because then you won't do them.

Speaker 4 Yeah, no, I'm going to get in shape.

Speaker 18 Here's a good one.

Speaker 14 Here's one that you can use for free. I use this every year.

Speaker 16 I'm going to start drinking more water.

Speaker 24 Yeah, no, I did. One year I did more apple juice.

Speaker 22 So I had one cup of apple juice.

Speaker 18 Yeah, I think I'm going to drink more water. I'm finally going to.
The boys are getting hydrated in 2023.

Speaker 32 Hard bodies.

Speaker 44 Yeah. Hydrated.

Speaker 9 It's going to be a great year.

Speaker 45 Super Bowl absolutely. Loving.

Speaker 7 Yeah.

Speaker 46 So let's hop in.

Speaker 9 Best of 2022.

Speaker 48 He's won one Super Bowl, which we can get into because I have the theory that if you win one Super Bowl, you actually have none.

Speaker 13 He is a four-time MVP of the league.

Speaker 48 He has an 11-10 postseason record,

Speaker 4 one in four in NFC Championship games.

Speaker 28 I'm just introducing you.

Speaker 11 One of the best quarterbacks ever, Aaron Rodgers.

Speaker 7 Welcome to the show.

Speaker 19 Thank you.

Speaker 52 Okay.

Speaker 53 I don't really know where to start other than like, how dare you?

Speaker 54 How dare you?

Speaker 45 Big Cat, we'll not ask you any

Speaker 18 questions that aren't threatening, so I'll start it because we ask everybody this time.

Speaker 42 Yeah,

Speaker 56 I forgot about that. I got blinded.

Speaker 21 What does grit mean to you?

Speaker 18 Wait, are you recording this? I know you like to, you don't trust the media.

Speaker 20 You don't

Speaker 57 play your own.

Speaker 52 Yeah. Yeah.
Okay.

Speaker 54 What does grit mean to you?

Speaker 19 It means you're from Pittsburgh.

Speaker 54 Ooh. Okay.

Speaker 28 That's actually an answer we haven't had yet.

Speaker 60 It's a great answer. And it's true.

Speaker 19 That's what's been ingrained in me since I was a second-year player in the league. I've been surrounded by Pittsburgh people.
Everybody from Mike McCarthy to Tom Clements

Speaker 19 to Ben McAdoo, Dom Capers, Darren Perry,

Speaker 19 Frank Signetti,

Speaker 19 a lot of Pittsburgh people. And all they talk about is just toughness, man.
Yeah. That is Pittsburgh grit.

Speaker 17 Putting fries on sandwiches.

Speaker 40 Wait, so are you saying that you miss Mike McCarthy?

Speaker 19 I love Mike McCarthy.

Speaker 63 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 7 So

Speaker 4 why don't you marry him?

Speaker 65 Listen. Okay.
All right.

Speaker 22 Let's just cut through it.

Speaker 14 Put our cards on the table.

Speaker 4 If you had to go to jail or prison, which one would you pick?

Speaker 63 What's the difference?

Speaker 35 Well, jail's probably a little lighter than the city.

Speaker 54 You're like in prison. County jail?

Speaker 6 I've said, see, listen.

Speaker 22 Maybe you like the Manhattan correctional facility with like a real jacked-up former cop as your cellmate for another.

Speaker 19 Yeah, from what I've read, I think if anybody in this room, and I don't know some of the other people in here,

Speaker 19 and Tom has a sketchy past, but I think you would

Speaker 19 probably be most likely to go to jail between all of us anyway.

Speaker 52 Really? Yeah.

Speaker 48 I have committed some crimes, that's fine, but I also admit to the crimes I commit where you don't, and you

Speaker 67 kind of skirt around it.

Speaker 65 But listen, I'm actually very

Speaker 9 realistic about you as a player.

Speaker 7 I've always said you're a very good quarterback, very good quarterback, even league MVP four times, right?

Speaker 6 I do think that

Speaker 1 you should be in jail or prison, and I'm fair to say you get to pick.

Speaker 4 I think jail's better than prison, so you can have that, and I will meet you halfway.

Speaker 19 No.

Speaker 52 Okay.

Speaker 68 All right. Well, I'll work on it.

Speaker 45 Let's do it.

Speaker 68 Let's try a different angle.

Speaker 70 How close were you to retiring?

Speaker 64 Be honest.

Speaker 63 Close. I don't know.

Speaker 71 How close is close?

Speaker 19 I was thinking about it. Yeah.

Speaker 15 So, Jeopardy, that would have been cool.

Speaker 63 Yeah, that would have been cool. Yeah.

Speaker 72 Did you want that job?

Speaker 19 I did.

Speaker 17 I feel like it's a thankless job, though, because that's become one of those shows where no matter who's hosting it, it's almost like the Jeopardy community loves to like nitpick.

Speaker 17 at the host and be like, you're not Alex Trebek.

Speaker 19 Well, yeah, I mean, that's the case. And I would say for many of the shows that I grew up watching, that is definitely the case.
You know, price is right. Nobody can ever be Bob Barker.

Speaker 52 Best show ever.

Speaker 19 But I will say one guy who's transcended all of that and even surpassed Louie Anderson, who nobody thought ever could, is Steve Harvey with Family Feud.

Speaker 48 He's America's host.

Speaker 19 Family Feud. You know what I mean? That show went through so many different people.
And although I didn't maybe have one iconic host other than Louie,

Speaker 19 I think Steve definitely did that.

Speaker 64 So I was actually like,

Speaker 29 like I said, I'm actually fair with you.

Speaker 7 You might think I'm not fair, but when you were

Speaker 1 saying that you wanted to...

Speaker 19 No offense, but I don't watch your stuff.

Speaker 74 What?

Speaker 7 My what?

Speaker 16 We don't think about you at at all.

Speaker 63 You're never going to retire.

Speaker 75 You're never going to retire.

Speaker 67 I just got one follow-up.

Speaker 19 Are you really sensitive about what I said last year after I scored that touchdown?

Speaker 48 Okay, let's get into it.

Speaker 58 So you said

Speaker 54 I own you.

Speaker 1 I fucking own you to the city of Chicago.

Speaker 9 The city of Chicago has $38.7 billion of debt.

Speaker 58 So are you going to pay that?

Speaker 19 That's a good one. I mean,

Speaker 78 if you own us.

Speaker 19 No,

Speaker 19 I don't think I'm

Speaker 19 saying that about the entire city. Now, maybe Soldier Field, every fan who was flipping me off, you know, that negativity that was kind of coming my way.

Speaker 16 There was a pretty substantial FCC fine that came Fox's way.

Speaker 79 Do you own that fine?

Speaker 21 You can't just say fuck on TV.

Speaker 19 I don't think it's. It's supposed to be a 10-second delay.
So I think that's out of my hands.

Speaker 18 Yeah, well, I actually own you because I'm a Packers owner.

Speaker 17 Facts.

Speaker 31 So I own you, you own him.

Speaker 19 You own a piece of paper that has

Speaker 53 the actual value.

Speaker 16 I actually stole it from our goldfish.

Speaker 17 So our goldfish owned you. Then he died.
Then I inherited the share. Now I own you.
You own Big Cat.

Speaker 45 So I kind of, I guess

Speaker 67 I inherit that debt.

Speaker 30 Okay. Do you feel bad for what you've done to my friend Big Cat?

Speaker 19 No, I don't.

Speaker 33 At all. Like, not at all.

Speaker 31 Because, like, I don't know if you can feel it.

Speaker 81 I think he's conflicted.

Speaker 19 You know, he's conflicted. It's kind of like...
Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker. Remember? You know, he's like, I can feel the conflict within you.

Speaker 19 And he says this fake statement, like, oh, there's no conflict. I'd move on.
Inside, he went to Wisconsin.

Speaker 52 Yeah.

Speaker 82 I hate you, though. I hate that.

Speaker 19 He's seen some of my all-time best moments on the field, not only at Soldier Field, but also at Ford Field.

Speaker 29 So I was a Lions fan for 24 hours.

Speaker 9 And I went to go help support the Lions fans to try to beat the Packers, and then you threw the Hail Mary right in my face, directly in my face.

Speaker 85 Like I said, you've tortured me.

Speaker 39 They had me on the way over here.

Speaker 37 They were like, what's the worst moment?

Speaker 9 Aaron Rodgers versus the Bears. And I just started listing like a laundry list.

Speaker 7 And it goes on forever.

Speaker 84 Do you get extra, like, do you, do you actually relish in the fact that you beat the Bears the way you do every single year?

Speaker 82 Yes. Fuck.

Speaker 56 I mean, I mean, I knew the answer to that.

Speaker 19 Because it's a great sports town. You know, if we're beating up on a town that doesn't have great sports history, it's like just another win.
But Chicago is Chicago.

Speaker 19 You get 100 years of Bears football, almost, right? You have the Chicago Bulls. I grew up a Bulls fan.

Speaker 19 You know, back on my old TV, we had like seven dials, you know, and you had to like hit it just right with the antenna doing.

Speaker 19 We could get in so we could watch you know cubbs baseball and harry curry you know that was like iconic and bulls basketball so we're like i grew up watching chicago sports so all right what's your favorite memory i'm just gonna do this because everyone's gonna want to hear it what's your favorite memory of beating the bears what's your favorite bears all time

Speaker 7 because there are a lot I actually like weirdly, I'll tell you mine first because there's, you know, Randall Cobb was terrible.

Speaker 4 The NFC championship game was terrible.

Speaker 38 when you faked you had an injury with khalil mack that first half and you came back weirdly though the one that just kills me the most because actually hank and dave we were in arizona for some college football thing and we watched sunday night football it was a game that you put up like i think you guys were up 42 nothing at half and they just laughed at me for an entire half and they're like how do you watch this that one hurts i think weirdly the most so what's your favorite go ahead

Speaker 19 well that one hurts because it was 42 whatever at halftime, and I'd thrown six touchdowns and the record is seven.

Speaker 74 And

Speaker 19 Mike was going to sit me.

Speaker 19 And I was like,

Speaker 19 how about one more possession?

Speaker 19 He goes, okay, one more. So we got down to the nine-yard line and threw it three times, three in completions.
Ben don't break.

Speaker 52 Yeah.

Speaker 19 So we went up 45-0. Yeah.

Speaker 66 All right, so what's your favorite?

Speaker 56 Probably 2013.

Speaker 74 Okay.

Speaker 19 Only because I came back from my collarbone. Randall came back from his knee injury.
And then

Speaker 19 somehow it was for the division. You know, after so many things happened, you know, for us to be able to be in it.

Speaker 19 And I believe that Detroit was still in it the week before, then they had a bad loss to somebody. So then it came down to like our game.

Speaker 19 And,

Speaker 19 you know, neither team, I don't think, was great that year,

Speaker 19 but we're still playing for a home playoff game. And I start off, I threw a pick to Chris Conte

Speaker 19 on a rollout. And I'm like, shit, like, is it going to go like this

Speaker 19 tonight? And then I threw another pick to

Speaker 19 Jennings in, I think, the second or third quarter. And then we had that weird, fluky pep, you know, cause the fumble, and Boykin picks it up, and nobody's doing anything, and he runs in the end zone.

Speaker 19 And on the last drive, we converted three fourth downs, you know, fourth and like inches on a dive play, a fourth and three on a throw to Jordy. But the last one was pretty amazing.

Speaker 86 So, what this is, this is terrible.

Speaker 9 I don't, I, I actually hate that I'm doing this. This is actually my least favorite thing I've ever done coming here right now.

Speaker 67 But

Speaker 62 when you saw that, you look good.

Speaker 71 Thank you. Thank you.

Speaker 19 No, I mean, sometimes, no, I mean, you know, I know that we've all struggled with our own issues, and I know weight's been kind of up and down for you, but I feel like you look at it.

Speaker 72 Well, you don't watch anything I do.

Speaker 52 No, I just heard.

Speaker 88 Oh, okay, okay.

Speaker 71 You heard about the weight.

Speaker 89 All right.

Speaker 33 I'll be honest, I like you.

Speaker 17 I don't like what you've done to my friend because you probably aged him like 30 years.

Speaker 19 Well, you're a Washington fan, so you don't care.

Speaker 66 Yeah, but you don't watch anything that we do.

Speaker 72 You're right.

Speaker 22 I'm a nihilist, okay?

Speaker 17 Like, I'm convincing myself to root for Carson Wentz this year.

Speaker 21 That's how bad things have gotten.

Speaker 17 I'm actually a Commanders fan. Don't forget about that name change.

Speaker 32 But I do like you.

Speaker 18 I noticed that you had...

Speaker 17 almost like a significant change in perspective over the last few years.

Speaker 18 You become, it seems like you're having more fun from what I've seen. You're enjoying your teammates.

Speaker 17 You're enjoying the process.

Speaker 55 You're enjoying what you get to do while you're still able to do it, which I think is very cool.

Speaker 17 And you have a good perspective on where football fits into your life.

Speaker 20 I think a lot of people don't have that, especially from the outside.

Speaker 17 So I guess my question is, when did you first try ayahuasca?

Speaker 19 A few years ago. Yeah.

Speaker 16 Straight from the source?

Speaker 19 What source? Ecuador.

Speaker 52 I don't think it's me.

Speaker 19 I don't think that would be the source. Amazon.
Amazon. Yeah.

Speaker 15 By the way, the tattoo looks better in person.

Speaker 20 Thank you. That's another thing I admire about you.

Speaker 22 You're totally go-ahead.

Speaker 20 You're like, listen, if you want to put a needle in my arm and inject whatever you want in there, I'm totally on board with that.

Speaker 19 I could never do that.

Speaker 54 People say, oh, immunization, vaccination.

Speaker 66 No, I did.

Speaker 82 I said that a lot.

Speaker 63 Yeah, you did.

Speaker 43 How many people do you think you killed?

Speaker 66 What's your count? How many grandmothers? Let's just do grandmothers.

Speaker 19 I mean, I know you guys are fucking right. I don't find that part funny.
I really don't.

Speaker 52 Oh, shit.

Speaker 19 We got John Cena.

Speaker 52 No, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 19 Can I ask you a non-condescending, in a non-condescending way, a question?

Speaker 52 Yeah. I'm going to.

Speaker 52 That question was

Speaker 61 a rhetorical question.

Speaker 16 That intro question was a little bit condescending.

Speaker 19 It was rhetorical. Yeah.

Speaker 74 Okay.

Speaker 19 Truly, is it hard

Speaker 19 for you as a Bears fan that some of your greatest moments are cheering against me when the Bears aren't playing?

Speaker 93 Okay, good question.

Speaker 1 Very good question.

Speaker 84 No, it's it's actually great because what I've told everyone is um, I'm very realistic about the Bears, not a great franchise, just don't do the right things for the most part.

Speaker 7 Every year, I look forward to the playoffs and the game that you're going to lose.

Speaker 83 And I've told this story on the air, but like when you guys lost to San Francisco this year, we were watching the game in New Jersey, and I drove back to Brooklyn, Bragg,

Speaker 1 and I listened to Tausher, ESPN, Wisconsin.

Speaker 15 For three hours, I sat in my car.

Speaker 7 I arrived home.

Speaker 38 It's a 20-minute drive.

Speaker 7 I had ride home.

Speaker 11 I sat for three hours listening to callers be like, blow up Lambeau, get 12 out of here.

Speaker 1 We need to build a dome. This team isn't built for the outside.

Speaker 8 And it was, that was the highlight of my NFL season.

Speaker 48 And I have no problem saying that because I know I'm a loser.

Speaker 65 That's the best part.

Speaker 9 I've come to grips with the fact that I'm a loser.

Speaker 1 So, yes, watching you lose in the playoffs is my, that's my Super Bowl.

Speaker 101 And I've won a lot of Super Bowls, if you do it that way, more than you.

Speaker 103 I'm not going back to college to be your friend. I'm going so I can get Uber One for students.
It saves you on Uber and Uber Eats.

Speaker 103 I'm there for $0 delivery fee on cheeseburgers, up to 10% off smoothies, and 6% Uber credits back on rides.

Speaker 105 Just to be clear, I'm there for savings, not whatever you think college is for.

Speaker 106 Get Uber One for students, a membership to save on Uber and Uber Eats. With deals this good, everyone wants to be a student.
Join for just $4.99 a month. Savings may vary.

Speaker 106 Eligibility and member terms apply.

Speaker 108 We are at Ryan Russil's house. It is Ryan Russil, Mark Titus, PFD, myself, Life Episode 2.

Speaker 111 Yeah, there's definitely, there's a lot of times where I'm like, you know, especially like on the weekend when I'm, you know, doing a lot of parenting and I'm like, I miss the dude who can just go and get drunk at a bar at like noon.

Speaker 13 But then you don't really miss him.

Speaker 69 But you do.

Speaker 114 What is the biggest difference between having the two kids? Not emotionally, because

Speaker 114 your answer is going to be like, you know,

Speaker 114 I love more whatever, blah, blah, blah. Who cares?

Speaker 100 That is the truth, though.

Speaker 111 That's one of those ones that, like, if you don't have kids, and I don't, I'm not shaming anyone, but like, when you do have a kid, you're like, oh, fuck, this is completely different than anything else.

Speaker 94 Yeah, I have a dog. I get it, Dan.

Speaker 100 Yeah,

Speaker 115 it's a love you can't understand.

Speaker 114 What is the biggest difference day-to-day life or like the thing you've had to cut out that you didn't anticipate having to cut out?

Speaker 108 It's and having kids it's like there's no there's like very little time where i can just do nothing yeah you know what i mean like there's very there's like maybe

Speaker 108 it's like friday night and then like maybe like an hour or two on like a weeknight where i can literally just do absolutely nothing that's the part like where you can't like i can't just like sleep till 11 and be like i'm gonna do nothing on saturday yeah that's i'd say that's the biggest time thing but it's you know it is what it is right yeah don't have kids i actually think you should, but who, me, or all of us, everybody, no, yes, yes.

Speaker 72 Why'd I get a no?

Speaker 115 I had, I remember the first time I thought I was gonna have a kid, I was 21.

Speaker 115 Oh, yeah, I headed back to UVM for my senior year, and this older woman, fitness instructor, no big deal, she was like, I'm pregnant, and I was like, this is gonna fuck up my senior year so bad.

Speaker 54 Yeah, that would.

Speaker 115 That was definitely a time I wasn't ready, and it wasn't gonna turn back on anytime soon. And then, then,

Speaker 115 guess what?

Speaker 115 Magic of science.

Speaker 115 I think she was just fucking with me, seeing how I react.

Speaker 120 Pretty massive.

Speaker 121 That's actually a funny thing.

Speaker 115 Well, it wasn't funny for me at the time, but I remember being like, well, fuck.

Speaker 116 Like,

Speaker 115 I guess, how am I going to do this?

Speaker 115 Like, this isn't going to, this is going to, like, can I go out on Thursdays still?

Speaker 54 Cut off Wednesdays.

Speaker 94 Like, will it be a custody thing?

Speaker 115 Because I'll definitely, like, not have 50-50. I'm 21 and in school.
And, like, we have a dog and there's six of us, so the kid can't probably stay with us that much.

Speaker 115 Anyway, you know, look,

Speaker 115 didn't happen, and here we are.

Speaker 32 All right, so we do have Hank.

Speaker 122 So, this is gonna air right before he has to give the speech, but he's giving his first best man speech ever

Speaker 111 next weekend at his brother's wedding.

Speaker 47 So, he asked for some advice, and I think we've all done it at least once, a couple times.

Speaker 119 So, like,

Speaker 114 what is the expectation, Hank?

Speaker 109 I do think there is like an expectation for me me to put on a show. I'm definitely like the outgoing one.
Yeah. Always got in trouble and stuff.

Speaker 109 I feel like there will be some expectations similar to you where my family's expecting a show. So.

Speaker 69 Wait a minute.

Speaker 105 Can I just...

Speaker 124 A show? Sure.

Speaker 125 They're like, oh,

Speaker 109 this speech is coming. Something's coming.

Speaker 41 No, I know.

Speaker 126 That's a reverse.

Speaker 61 Yeah, no, similar speech.

Speaker 109 The reverse is my brother's very shy, like, you know, a little more guarded. If it was reverse, I don't think they're expecting a crazy speech.

Speaker 114 Yes, no, Hank, you, you, like, like, you do, you have a job, you have a lifestyle that you're like, you're in front of a camera sometimes and talking to microphones and stuff.

Speaker 114 So, I think people go to a ton of weddings, and you see people get up there that are nervous.

Speaker 114 So, anytime it's a situation where you know someone might not be nervous to publicly speak, you're like, oh, thank God, this is not going to be the worst fucking speech I've ever heard.

Speaker 129 Yes.

Speaker 114 So, then it kind of sets the expectation high.

Speaker 110 Yes, people are expecting it.

Speaker 118 Yeah, no, you're absolutely right.

Speaker 111 So, I have a couple high-level thoughts, and you guys can go off of it.

Speaker 28 But I already told Hank,

Speaker 130 I think you have to keep it like five minutes or less.

Speaker 115 I think anyone who goes longer than that is people don't mean every woman.

Speaker 129 Yeah, well, I didn't say that you did.

Speaker 110 Yes, I did say though to Hank, I was like,

Speaker 25 make sure you go out.

Speaker 58 The science backs it up.

Speaker 18 Well, that's true.

Speaker 31 What Ryan just said.

Speaker 132 You got to remember that you're not the star of the show.

Speaker 16 You got to remember that the stars of this show are actually

Speaker 132 the bride's dad

Speaker 14 and then her maid of honor.

Speaker 121 They're going to go super long.

Speaker 30 You're probably going to go on after the maid of honor.

Speaker 132 Your job is like people at that point are looking around, like, when can I go back to the bar?

Speaker 48 Yeah, it's three to five minutes.

Speaker 43 The biggest thing, though, you can't have notes.

Speaker 133 Yeah, you can have to speak from.

Speaker 111 I think the notes make you freaked out.

Speaker 2 But you, the guy who goes up with, I've seen some really bad ones.

Speaker 61 They got another friend that's probably not as they're not as seasoned as you are.

Speaker 27 There's one friend that's listening right now that's going to know exactly.

Speaker 4 I'm talking about his wedding, but he brought like cue cards, and it was, he forgot to mention the bride, which you can't, you have to mention the bride.

Speaker 135 Have to.

Speaker 13 But I think no notes is the way to go.

Speaker 114 I think you have to prepare notes and then don't use them. Correct.

Speaker 62 Correct. But you can't be a good one.

Speaker 85 Because you can't.

Speaker 114 The worst thing you could possibly do is be the winged guy.

Speaker 68 No, you can't be the winged guy.

Speaker 114 And

Speaker 114 that is an absolute disaster. So

Speaker 114 you prepare the speech, but then don't, if you're up there reading notes.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you lose already because everyone's like, wait, you need notes for this?

Speaker 130 Like, you got to be, it's got to be, because people will be like, oh, wow, you really spoke from the heart.

Speaker 110 It's like, well, I did practice it, but yeah, you're right.

Speaker 16 I think it's a pretty simple formula for the most part.

Speaker 115 Yeah, Hank, go ahead.

Speaker 109 Plus, is there a formula of like, you know, old anecdote from we were kids?

Speaker 69 Yes.

Speaker 138 Things he's taught me.

Speaker 109 Yeah. Yes.

Speaker 139 Bride.

Speaker 7 He's a better person than me.

Speaker 86 That's usually a good one to be like,

Speaker 61 you know, like, I've always looked up to him.

Speaker 94 Yes. Yeah.
And then a bride.

Speaker 115 He's a lot of days, but, you know, he's out of it. Yeah.
No.

Speaker 34 Don't do the, don't, that's, don't do the bride.

Speaker 111 The one thing you can screw up, and a lot of people do it, is they do like the bride add-on at the end.

Speaker 8 They're like everything I said about you like and it's your wife too.

Speaker 2 Like you got to have a story about the bride.

Speaker 117 Yeah, the way to get around that is you you talk you find the things about your brother that you appreciate about him that you don't have and then you can say like this is what I've always looked up to him for and then at the end well then also include one story about a time he got into trouble and then everybody will laugh at that and then not too much trouble.

Speaker 132 Yeah exactly you have to be careful yeah you have to edit it a little bit you can't be like oh remember that time that he got busted with that hooker and acapulco?

Speaker 117 No, you got to be like, you remember that time where we, you know, we were on a road trip together or something like that, and you made the best play.

Speaker 18 Like, joke around a little bit about stuff, but don't make it too serious.

Speaker 140 And then at the end,

Speaker 132 say something about how she's so much better than he is.

Speaker 43 Yeah.

Speaker 32 Because that gets a laugh too, where it's like, I always thought that you'd marry well, but I had no idea that you would outkick your coverage by this far.

Speaker 14 You know, like something nice. I hate jokes like that.

Speaker 105 Yeah, well.

Speaker 126 That one's tough.

Speaker 14 I'm just saying, like, this is how you got to end it.

Speaker 117 Say that she's better than him a little bit.

Speaker 130 See,

Speaker 122 I think you have to add a story about her that doesn't, like, you can't, the mistake you can make is like, you say a poll speech, you do four and a half minutes, and then the last 10 seconds, you're like, oh, and also it goes for her.

Speaker 2 You have to have a story about her.

Speaker 109 What do you say, Ryan?

Speaker 115 Did he ever tell you a story about meeting her?

Speaker 115 There's got to be something in there about that he met her. There had to be a moment that he shared with you about how he cared for her.
Or just make it up. That's what I did for my brother.

Speaker 115 I also have a total zag because you said you wanted to give him a show and that your brother's quiet.

Speaker 83 Ooh, I like this.

Speaker 115 It's a dying art ventriloquist.

Speaker 115 And you bring one out

Speaker 115 and you say it to your brother and you talk to him and ask him questions and tell stories. And because he's shy, you don't even have to be good at it because he doesn't want to talk.

Speaker 115 He's in front of all these people. And that's how you play it off.
You give your speech through a ventriloquist dummy that you're not even using because your brother's shy.

Speaker 144 It's just a sock puppy.

Speaker 111 I got another one for you, Hank, that could bring the house down because your close personal friend, Tom Brady, has some time on his hands.

Speaker 122 Get him to give him a message. Play that.

Speaker 115 I do those for free, by the way. You do?

Speaker 85 Priscilla will do it for him.

Speaker 115 Yeah, that's probably going to bum people out. You know, when you're younger, a lot of the stuff that you're going through when you're younger is kind of like your own insecurity.

Speaker 115 And I always try to remind this to like people.

Speaker 115 It's like, you know, just remember, like, the other person you're talking to and all the insecurities that you have about yourself, pretty good chance they have just as many.

Speaker 115 So just, you know, go up and talk to the hot girl. Right.
Because, you know, there's a moment where she doubts herself, and maybe that's that night. Yeah.
You know, and who knows?

Speaker 115 But I think it's like a good rule to kind of operate with where you're like, you know, just remember, like the stuff that you second-guess yourself, you're not the only one doing.

Speaker 115 Literally everybody else.

Speaker 115 And even though they're trying as hard as they can to project that they're not having any of those things, just like you do, just admit that, like, all right, this guy's probably got some weak spots.

Speaker 115 Let's go.

Speaker 68 It's absolutely true. So,

Speaker 140 Ryan, you're right, but I also love that

Speaker 140 the statement boils down to like, you can fuck a really hot chick if you try.

Speaker 128 Don't give up on yourself.

Speaker 115 That's a little aggressive, P.F.T. I meant, you know, relationship, I third-handed.

Speaker 110 What you're saying links into what PFT said and what I'm saying about caring.

Speaker 111 Like, a lot of times you, when you're younger, you're like, I don't care about this, or this is less.

Speaker 148 It's cool to note.

Speaker 111 Yeah, because you don't want to open yourself up to have someone be like, oh, you like that?

Speaker 129 Yeah.

Speaker 115 Look, it's the same thing, too, as, you know, where I went to school, you know, it's Vermont, smaller school, but for whatever reason, you know, there's a ton of Boston guys,

Speaker 115 a ton of Fairfield County guys. And then we'd always be like, why are you here when you're from Arizona? But all we did was make fun of each other.
That's all we did.

Speaker 115 So like the only way you could keep up, not that this is like, oh, wow, that was the college where college guys made fun of each other all the time.

Speaker 115 But like, I remember carrying it into our 20s, and I would just be like ripping on everybody all the time. And then you're like, wait, you know, who's probably not a great time to hang out with?

Speaker 115 A guy who makes fun of everybody for everything. And it wasn't, I don't know if what it was.

Speaker 115 It was just what i was used to right and i remember talking to my buddies being like hey do you have like weird moments at work and a couple of guys like oh my god like i had to stop doing that a couple years ago like i almost got fired and what i'd say is that there are these moments you know like when you're in your 20 and you think you have like this is a bigger thing like i'll use the hangover theory on this one like when you're hungover you know big night with the boys and it goes away like on tuesday it fucking goes away right it goes away it doesn't feel like it's going to go away and you're like should i take a foreign language you know maybe i finally learned an instrument this year i'll get back on the dating apps you know i need to change things up and then by tuesday you're like what a fucking weirdo i was for 36 hours right what what was that right

Speaker 115 did you write a poem or something you fucking weirdo yeah so it goes away I'd say that you can expand life out that way because all of these little moments, all these little things, and I think this is, you know, we're all kind of around the age and obviously I'm older than you guys, but you start to learn like almost none of it ever fucking mattered.

Speaker 115 None of it. That all of it kind of goes away.

Speaker 115 And that's the one thing that I still try to, now that I know that, when I'm dealing with something in the moment, you're like, like, you know, this is going to mean almost nothing.

Speaker 115 Like this is going to be completely insignificant. And even though you're consumed by it today, you know that later on this will have meant fucking dick.
Yep. And it's hard.

Speaker 115 to learn that until you go through it enough but i would just keep hammering it over and over again like as you're aging as you're getting a bit older it's a great feeling when you start to be like hey i don't want to be an asshole to everybody but i also am like not going to worry about this stuff as much because it's not as significant on the path of the bigger stuff yeah the world keeps on when you realize the world keeps on moving, it's a freeing thought.

Speaker 29 And you're like, oh, this is not the end.

Speaker 115 Yeah, not everybody is thinking about me. Nobody really cares.

Speaker 43 Do you want to do any little life acts?

Speaker 68 Yeah, let's go.

Speaker 53 I know people liked that last time.

Speaker 149 Yeah.

Speaker 110 Yeah. So start us off, PFT.

Speaker 150 Okay.

Speaker 30 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 93 We actually just talked about this briefly on the ride over here.

Speaker 140 I've started in the last like three, four years to put my clothes away at hotel rooms when I know I'm going to be staying there for like four days.

Speaker 43 That's good.

Speaker 117 Three or four days.

Speaker 43 I don't live out of the suitcase. I set up the kitchen sink or the

Speaker 30 bathroom sink with like all the shit that I need out there.

Speaker 117 Never done it.

Speaker 138 Never really. Never unpacked.

Speaker 126 Oh, it feels great.

Speaker 133 Oh, it is in the hotels, dude.

Speaker 94 And then you call the hotel home.

Speaker 99 Like, let's go back home.

Speaker 40 It does.

Speaker 42 It feels really good.

Speaker 30 You wake up and in the morning, you go to your drawer and you pull it out, and you're like, I know where everything is.

Speaker 117 It's like a little mini home.

Speaker 47 Hang up your shit. Although

Speaker 61 I got hung up stuff.

Speaker 108 I had a one

Speaker 83 for bachelor parties: be do

Speaker 108 get up early one morning and clean the whole place.

Speaker 115 You're the king for the whole weekend.

Speaker 122 There's that one guy, like if you get a house, if you'd make the effort, because it's always that like who's cleaning, everyone knows the asshole who doesn't do anything.

Speaker 111 If you're just like, one morning, you're like, all right, I'm getting up and like, everyone's going to get up and they're going to see the whole place is clean.

Speaker 111 You now have like basically checked off your, I've done something to help the crew here.

Speaker 114 To expand on that, I think just the

Speaker 114 every so often grand gesture gesture in general is a great play.

Speaker 154 Right.

Speaker 114 The like selectively picking up the tab. If you're someone that doesn't have a lot of money and

Speaker 114 you can't not pick up the tab every single time. One time when you're at like maybe a mid-tier restaurant, you're not out at the really fancy place with all the friends.

Speaker 114 You're like, you know what, guys? I got this one. And then they'll remember it forever.

Speaker 111 Yeah.

Speaker 114 That was a trick I pulled with my rich friends once they got to the NBA and they'd come back.

Speaker 114 I would try once every like two years, I would pick up the tab and they would all look at me like, what the fuck?

Speaker 114 And then I feel like in my mind, I've positioned myself, unlike all those other mooches over here. Like, I'm trying.
I'm doing my best. And I don't know.

Speaker 111 It also is like, if you are in a spot where you've made, you know, some money and you have people you're working with who haven't like doing the little things of like picking up lunch, doing shit like that.

Speaker 2 Like, it actually...

Speaker 111 It matters. You know what I mean? And like, people,

Speaker 111 I also am a big believer in, like, if you do, if you're in a spot where you're,

Speaker 111 whatever job you're in and you have people that do a really like good job helping you be better, you have to make sure that you take care of them.

Speaker 111 Like I heard a story once that like Saban just like, he has everyone over to his house, like everyone, literally like ball boys, like everyone who has anything to do with the program.

Speaker 111 And like everyone gets like a huge Christmas bonus.

Speaker 47 And it's like, from like every person down the line.

Speaker 111 And it's like that type of thing. Like if you have a, if you're in a spot where you have the ability to do that, it means a lot to people and you don't want to be the guy who doesn't do that.

Speaker 117 Who was it that we were talking to that had like Matt LaFleur over and he thought he was going to a party?

Speaker 115 Brian Kelly. Yeah.

Speaker 94 Yeah, but that's Ryan's guy. Yeah.

Speaker 43 Yeah. Yeah.
Your guy, Brian Kelly. And he was just with Salah.

Speaker 53 He was just the ballet.

Speaker 25 He was the cooler guy.

Speaker 115 That story's so bad I almost can't believe it's true. Like apparently Kelly invited Sala and

Speaker 115 LaFleur over and they thought they were going to a Christmas party and instead they stayed outside and parked cars.

Speaker 117 Yeah, parked cars for him, yeah.

Speaker 115 But like little shit like that, it's like there's I don't even know. I don't know, that's so bad.

Speaker 110 It's true, but there is like you know,

Speaker 115 you have to take care of people that are no, but there's a there's a bigger thing than what you're saying, and you're right, you're totally right.

Speaker 115 And you know, you got you may not learn it till a little bit later. You know, you also have to be the person that's in position.
Like, look, early on, Van Pelt paid for every dinner, right?

Speaker 115 Okay, he just knew he was going to pay for everybody, he's going to take care of everybody then. I get to a certain point where it's like, hey, let me grab a check here.

Speaker 115 Like, I know it's your move, but let me grab one just like Titus was talking about.

Speaker 115 Like, it's almost like if, you know, I remember like dating somebody when I was younger and she didn't have any money. I didn't have any money.
And I paid.

Speaker 115 And then like once a month, she'd be like, I got it. And it meant the world to me.

Speaker 150 It's a good point.

Speaker 54 The reverse.

Speaker 115 And I've had other people I've hung out with where they had money and they, they wouldn't fucking cross the street for 10 bucks. They'd ask me for it instead.

Speaker 115 You know, and you're just like, look, it's just a little. But I think what you're saying is like, I'll get all these life advice emails about,

Speaker 115 well, we had the bill was this. And then after this vacation, it ended up being all these different things.
And it can sound like, well, hey, you guys are now older and you've made some money.

Speaker 115 You're more dismissive. And I'm like, look,

Speaker 115 we just spent all this time talking about how hard it was to make friends and to meet friends when you were older and stuff.

Speaker 115 And some of you fucking guys want to argue over $75 from a fucking bachelor party weekend where you're ready to.

Speaker 115 And I get like, hey, there is a guy in the group that always thinks he's winning by not kicking in money. And it fucking sucks.

Speaker 115 And the only thing you can do is just keep hammering him on it when he keeps doing it all the time. And that's his role in the friend group.

Speaker 141 But don't be so like

Speaker 115 ready to go on some of the money stuff where it's like, you realize like some of the stuff you guys are going to lose lifelong friends over 50 or 75.

Speaker 115 You know, look, if somebody keeps doing it, like I said, I can understand it being an issue, but I can't believe how many emails we get.

Speaker 115 And you're just like, all right, you want to start cutting guys off because of happy hour after fucking at 26 years old. Go ahead.
But you're going to regret it.

Speaker 115 I would encourage people to call for more meetings. Now that I've been out in LA for a couple of years, people love fucking meeting.

Speaker 115 They love telling you who you could meet with and they'll set up a meeting.

Speaker 115 I would say you should take that back to like the Midwest, Midwest sensibilities, maybe Northeast, Pacific Northwest, American Southwest, turquoise.

Speaker 92 Shout out turquoise.

Speaker 115 Just if you're at the office or you're 23,

Speaker 115 start asking people to meet.

Speaker 127 Don't you ever get me.

Speaker 110 Yeah, no, you do feel important when you got to meet. It's like, oh, I got a meeting.
Yeah.

Speaker 115 Yeah. Yeah.
I'll still never forget this one intern, like, emailed Greeny. This guy was out of control.
He's the most aggressive intern I've ever seen in my entire life.

Speaker 115 He would just start emailing guys on the corporate email to be like, would like to set aside some time with you for like 30 minutes or whatever. And Greene was like, do I know what?

Speaker 115 And he would like leave the voice. He's like, why do I have a lunch at 10.45 with that?

Speaker 155 Did I?

Speaker 115 Did I agree to this? What? And he was so confused. And it happened to Van Pelt.
Van Pelt one time was like, who the fuck is this guy?

Speaker 126 and this intern was just running around ESPN

Speaker 115 just booking meet and he would actually like he would phrase it in a way that was vague right so it wasn't like do you want to meet because that's no it would be like was hoping to follow through on the time I'd set aside and you're like what the fuck is going on

Speaker 22 so again That guy went a little too hard with it.

Speaker 115 And then once everybody kind of figured him out, I think he got a talking to because it was like, hey, I don't think Chris Fowler is going to meet with you anytime soon. I don't know.

Speaker 115 Chris Fowler wouldn't meet with me.

Speaker 110 But don't don't be afraid to maybe, you know, hey, I'd like to follow up on something you said here.

Speaker 115 Yep. And take that LA sensibility and apply that to other places.
I like that.

Speaker 111 Off of that, too, you, my favorite thing to do, and I think most people know this, but like maybe like the first week of December is the perfect time to be like, let's touch base after New Year's.

Speaker 158 And just fucking push everything.

Speaker 111 Like you can start that like the day after Thanksgiving.

Speaker 100 Like, like, you know what?

Speaker 54 Hollywood. Hollywood.

Speaker 68 Hollywood is

Speaker 115 Hollywood doesn't do vacations. They shut down like seasonally.

Speaker 115 I'll be like, hey, like, hey, can you get this in? And I'm like, why do I have to be like, well, you know, people are going to pick it back on February 12th.

Speaker 126 You're like, what?

Speaker 36 The meeting thing is good, though.

Speaker 110 It really does make you feel important.

Speaker 161 You're like, let's have a meeting.

Speaker 149 Yeah. Let's talk about this.
Take a meet.

Speaker 162 Hey, this is Rhea from Chicks in the Office. And this season, we're heading home for the holidays with Abercrombie and Fitch.
We all know our calendars are about to get chaotic.

Speaker 162 For non-stop plans, Abercrombie has the pieces to curate your perfect seasonal wardrobe, sweaters and denim for casual plans, party dresses for nights out, and comfy matching sets for everything in between.

Speaker 162 Keep the chaos cute this season in Abercrombie. Shop their new holiday outfits in the app online or in stores.

Speaker 29 Okay, we now welcome on a very, very, very special guest.

Speaker 99 Long time coming.

Speaker 9 It is the Schwamm, Boomer, Chris Berman.

Speaker 164 You know, the the natural thing that you would say if somebody was doing the squealed pig play would that would be a whoop situation wouldn't it yes no no no no the rumbling bumbling stumbling and fumbling would be part of it the whoop came from barry sanders oh okay so that it came as a whoa there's no other way to describe barry's

Speaker 164 i think his ankles were bionic Tommy and I both think this because he there's no way you could swivel as a human being like this speed and so that was the whoop of the whoop that was more barry's moves that come from barry sanders uh-huh he's he's the the impetus for that and now it's anybody that kind of does that yes now it because the sound i get stopped all the

Speaker 134 like 15 20 whoop like say it whoop and i go go go nuts but it's so now i've moved it to the squeal picnic but it was started with barry sanders and of course a lamar jackson type of player you would do it with but that's where it came from out of respect for Barry.

Speaker 93 So what is the secret to a good whoop

Speaker 33 I've heard you hit I've heard you hit somewhere.

Speaker 25 Was it McKissick?

Speaker 164 Yes.

Speaker 164 It was like down at the right somewhere.

Speaker 126 Yeah,

Speaker 18 it was against the Falcons.

Speaker 104 It was like early, like early October or something.

Speaker 22 You let out this whoop that I swear.

Speaker 42 It bounced off the back wall of the studio and gave back to you.

Speaker 31 Yeah.

Speaker 177 I heard it twice and highlighted it.

Speaker 164 I was inspired by his leap.

Speaker 165 Like he took a five-yard.

Speaker 171 It was like

Speaker 174 someone trying to do the pole vault in the Olympics.

Speaker 105 Like you've run a long way to take this leap.

Speaker 141 It wasn't just a little leap because the tackler went low.

Speaker 102 I don't even think the tackler went that low.

Speaker 178 He's a little guy.

Speaker 102 So he went.

Speaker 164 It was at halftime, right?

Speaker 165 So it was the first real whoop of the season that I could crank out on a halftime play.

Speaker 164 I do think of that every now and then.

Speaker 104 Early in the

Speaker 105 let's put more ingredients in it a little bit.

Speaker 146 You got to warm up the pipes, right? Yeah. You got to warm it up first.

Speaker 171 Yeah, it was not the first player. You got to pry the punch a little bit.

Speaker 81 So do you like open up your chest?

Speaker 30 Is it from the diaphragm?

Speaker 131 Is it just like McKissick did?

Speaker 54 I took a running leap.

Speaker 95 Yeah.

Speaker 15 It is, I mean, even you doing those little whoops for Barry Sanders, like, we do it, but when you do it, it's like, oh, yeah, that's it.

Speaker 164 Oh, but you're doing it.

Speaker 165 You like it.

Speaker 91 Yeah, but like the way people just made that the little public domain

Speaker 55 like it's not the same it's it's only you we also love the the raiders i try to do the raiders when we run the scores back i do it as much as i as i can you do a good job i've heard it thank you so much that means the world to me uh but when i do it i feel like it takes my my entire body about two minutes to recover from it i don't know if that's something it does it hurts yeah

Speaker 131 well that really is it's again it's taking on a life of its own but

Speaker 141 and everybody loves that and scott of course van Pel runs it.

Speaker 164 I mean, he has my best couple and he has it on a button.

Speaker 182 Even if they're not playing, I think he presses it.

Speaker 174 It was really an ode to Al Davis, who really liked us.

Speaker 98 Al,

Speaker 175 this is his Al's voice in the 80s when I met him first couple times.

Speaker 182 You know why I root for ESPN?

Speaker 131 Because you're the underdog.

Speaker 25 Just like that.

Speaker 98 Like,

Speaker 54 okay. Yeah.

Speaker 164 And they were winning all the time.

Speaker 182 Then, of course, you heard him all the other.

Speaker 167 So, that's really an ode to Al.

Speaker 102 So, a lot of these are ode to

Speaker 105 Barry,

Speaker 163 Al.

Speaker 164 So, that, but the Raiders know everybody loves the law. That again, that's great.

Speaker 172 That's a Louis Tiant wind-up.

Speaker 54 Okay, that's a

Speaker 105 Raiders.

Speaker 54 Right, yeah, you just need a batting practice.

Speaker 68 I haven't had a sip of water in a half an hour.

Speaker 98 Yeah, you know what?

Speaker 116 I'm gonna.

Speaker 104 So, I'll be ready the next time you ask me.

Speaker 9 So, all right, so the whoop, the Raiders, we got to do Circle the Wagons because that's, I mean, that picture, too, of you holding the big Bills jersey.

Speaker 99 Well, and we're honorary members of Bills Mafia.

Speaker 7 We love the city of Buffalo. We love Josh Allen, but there's just something about no one circles the wagons like the Buffalo Bills.

Speaker 69 It just.

Speaker 164 Well, that team in the late 80s and 90s were...

Speaker 102 I mean, they never won a Super Bowl, but they only wanted to go to four straights.

Speaker 131 So say no more.

Speaker 181 And it's Hall of Famers.

Speaker 164 And obviously, Jim Kelly and Andre Reed and thurman thomas and bruce smith and you know they may have others and cornelius bennett was a great player we could go on marv's marv levy's in the hall of fame bill polian one of the great executives of all times in the hall of fame ralph wilson the owners in the hall of fame it and it's buffalo right you know it's it's other than green bay it's about the smallest now i mean it's the bills and this is the city in western new york they asked for nothing i started picking them in 88 they were horrible for the whole decade they thought i was out of my mind they started 4-0 and i got to the championship game and lost to the Bengals.

Speaker 181 I actually thought these Bengals, except they've now gone to the Super Bowl, reminded me of the 88 Bills.

Speaker 164 Like I wasn't sure they were going to get past Kansas City, but they've already announced we're here for a while.

Speaker 134 Like we're really good.

Speaker 172 You know, I actually said that.

Speaker 163 So I forget what game it was, and I just cranked it out.

Speaker 120 on prime time.

Speaker 134 No one, you know, looking right in the camera.

Speaker 165 No one circles the wagons like the Buffalo Bills and it became a war chant.

Speaker 176 Even the years they were terrible, I mean, up until Josh and Coach McDermott, et cetera, not a lot of great, right?

Speaker 176 But it just became so much fun.

Speaker 164 And I don't want to do this, but I guess I will tell the story since you brought it up.

Speaker 104 So

Speaker 134 if you're a rock and roll singer, let's say...

Speaker 175 Because I saw Billy Joel in Fenway, and then you're singing piano man, and everybody knows the words, right?

Speaker 182 He played at Wrigley.

Speaker 172 He played all these places, any arena.

Speaker 141 And you get halfway through, and then you lay out, and you hear, if you're Billy Joel, like hear them sing every word.

Speaker 102 And he's like, oh, my, oh, my, oh, my God.

Speaker 131 Like, this is.

Speaker 164 So when Thurman Thomas had his number retire, it was only about four years ago.

Speaker 148 It was on a Monday night.

Speaker 182 And they asked me, Thurman, would I come up?

Speaker 120 And the Bills, it's a quick, I'm going to speak real quick.

Speaker 131 Someone else is going to say something for a minute. Thurman's going to speak.

Speaker 175 It's halftime.

Speaker 164 And I got up for 20 seconds.

Speaker 175 And again, the place is packed. They're playing the Patriots when the Patriots who still beat them a lot.

Speaker 181 They played well that night, Buffalo.

Speaker 120 They weren't ready yet, you know.

Speaker 131 I think Josh was a rookie.

Speaker 174 Okay.

Speaker 174 So I think, yeah, he was.

Speaker 175 And I said, okay, Buffalo, you know where we're going here.

Speaker 134 We're doing it on three. And like this.

Speaker 131 And there's 70,000.

Speaker 174 I went, no one.

Speaker 120 And then I stopped. And I heard, circles the Rockets, like the Buffalo Bills.

Speaker 144 Wow.

Speaker 164 That's Billy Joel singing piano man in front of me.

Speaker 11 It was really.

Speaker 170 My relationship

Speaker 182 in my 43 years, the relationship that I've ended up by accident because I'm on ESPN and the Bills and it's Buffalo and the players, the team, the organization, the players, and the city 30 years later.

Speaker 131 It's the most rewarding relationship I've gotten through my job.

Speaker 6 They're great people. Yeah, we've

Speaker 165 great people.

Speaker 65 We've experienced

Speaker 54 nothing.

Speaker 111 Yeah, every time we go, it's like this place.

Speaker 20 One thing I wrote down that I have to bring up:

Speaker 14 we're a big fan of yours all around, big fan of your golf game as well.

Speaker 20 Love the wide-brim hats.

Speaker 14 Has anybody ever told you, like, maybe don't wear a gray shirt when you're going to be out in the 95-degree sun?

Speaker 105 Yeah.

Speaker 165 Sweating, I sweated at 12.

Speaker 134 Okay, so

Speaker 165 I sweated a long time ago before I was, was, well, I'm better.

Speaker 178 You know, I lost a lot of weight now.

Speaker 175 But, I mean, again,

Speaker 175 it's the Titanic losing a few deck chairs.

Speaker 91 So

Speaker 134 they're floating right out there right now.

Speaker 147 So

Speaker 165 gray, I never wore gray.

Speaker 54 No, it's always colorful, but I mean, if it's warm and hot and you got a carnation shirt, you know, or a

Speaker 175 nice sharp purple shirt.

Speaker 153 Look,

Speaker 172 if you've ever come to my studio, which now, I mean, I'm only, but back in the day, three hours, you know, countdown,

Speaker 150 even in September, the camera people had to wear a jacket.

Speaker 102 You can hang meat in there.

Speaker 131 Yeah.

Speaker 176 Because I sweat in an igloo.

Speaker 20 Yeah, I run pretty hot, too.

Speaker 80 No, after I do shirts, wine shirts.

Speaker 54 Yes. Hide a lot of stuff.

Speaker 24 Yes, they do.

Speaker 4 It's like a magic eye poster.

Speaker 102 Whack, and that would be a good thing.

Speaker 54 Yeah, blacks.

Speaker 11 But I wear black shirts.

Speaker 25 Well, right, but not on a golf course when it's 88. Yes.

Speaker 29 Can we tell you something funny that you probably have no idea about?

Speaker 9 That's a very weird.

Speaker 101 You're going to think we're stalkers.

Speaker 54 Your

Speaker 98 suit cleaner in Connecticut

Speaker 99 had a signed poster of

Speaker 70 your grid father.

Speaker 83 We have that in our studio.

Speaker 99 He gave it to us.

Speaker 131 I can send you as many as you want.

Speaker 183 We have that one from your dry cleaner because his son is a huge fan of ours.

Speaker 1 And he said, I've had this.

Speaker 37 My dad's done the Schwamme suits for 30 years. I want you guys to have it.

Speaker 1 It's sitting in our studio.

Speaker 81 It's not very funny.

Speaker 29 Every single time you come in, it's it's right there.

Speaker 164 I have plenty of them. They supposed to print 400

Speaker 102 20 years ago, and there's 4,000.

Speaker 131 So I haven't gotten rid of all those.

Speaker 41 They're in the basement.

Speaker 99 But that guy, I mean, your dry cleaner's got it.

Speaker 134 The grid five.

Speaker 165 We made it look good five.

Speaker 54 There's even a knuckle ring. There's everything.

Speaker 168 It's puccino-ish. Yeah.

Speaker 68 But your dry cleaner, he's probably had to do some work with the sweat.

Speaker 25 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 164 And some was like, just sorry, I tried my best.

Speaker 38 All right.

Speaker 37 So this has been incredible.

Speaker 92 We got to wrap.

Speaker 37 I mean, we don't want to take your entire life here, but we got to do your best nicknames.

Speaker 15 What are your best nicknames?

Speaker 8 What are the ones that you, you know, at the end of the day, it's like, oh, that one.

Speaker 1 Because we have some of yours that we can.

Speaker 11 Oh, I want to hear those.

Speaker 163 So are we going football?

Speaker 105 All right. Whatever you want to do.

Speaker 134 Well, we'll do football last.

Speaker 134 Okay.

Speaker 131 Because that's kind of, I mean.

Speaker 169 So baseball, a lot of them now will predate even so much you guys because I'm going to the ones that, because the 80s, I did did 10 sports centers a week.

Speaker 120 We all did. Bob Lee did.

Speaker 131 Tommy Mies did

Speaker 131 John Saunders. Today's John's birthday.
We lost him what, five years ago, six years ago?

Speaker 141 Great. You know, we could go on and on.

Speaker 141 All the guys, we did 10 shows a week.

Speaker 164 Doesn't make us heroes, but hey,

Speaker 153 we're a network, but we have one-fourth of the staff.

Speaker 120 So

Speaker 11 you okay to do the next show?

Speaker 148 Well, I did the last. Yeah, we got another one.
Go ahead.

Speaker 150 So

Speaker 131 did baseball all the time.

Speaker 163 So the best, I'll go right to that.

Speaker 169 Bert Blylevin, because that's be home Blylevin.

Speaker 174 Yep.

Speaker 131 Because

Speaker 131 you don't have to, see, a lot of these nicknames are, you don't have to know, A, he's a pitcher. B, he pitches for the twins or the pirates or whoever.

Speaker 98 C, he has a curveball.

Speaker 181 We got him into the Hall of Fame.

Speaker 85 You.

Speaker 175 are a kid and you heard from your parents, be home by living.

Speaker 167 And as a parent, you've told your kid, be home by living.

Speaker 164 You don't have to be a genius to figure these out.

Speaker 131 Right.

Speaker 102 So that's probably the best.

Speaker 131 I mean, the early ones, baseball, Jose, can you see Cruz?

Speaker 166 Julio, won't you let me take you on a seat?

Speaker 150 Cruz, a lot of them were from Rock and Roll, Vaughan, Purple, Hayes.

Speaker 164 A couple that stuck, and I just saw him last month.

Speaker 134 Crime Dog McGriff.

Speaker 131 That stuck with him.

Speaker 175 Doggy. Like,

Speaker 184 every player calls him doggy.

Speaker 176 He loves. He's such a good guy.

Speaker 102 Certainly Borderline Hall of Famer.

Speaker 174 Didn't touch a thing, and he hit almost 500 home runs, by the way.

Speaker 120 But

Speaker 38 Chuck Knobloch is one of my favorite.

Speaker 164 New kids on Knobloch.

Speaker 54 Yeah.

Speaker 164 He liked it too, even when he didn't make the throw correctly.

Speaker 164 Oh, now I'm Space.

Speaker 102 Roberto, remember the Alamar, that history movie.

Speaker 72 Yeah, I love that one.

Speaker 54 I mean,

Speaker 178 food.

Speaker 170 There was a movie, Blame It,

Speaker 6 not food, but George Taco Bell.

Speaker 172 I mean, like that with Toronto.

Speaker 135 Like, food.

Speaker 105 Everyone knows what Taco Bell is.

Speaker 167 You don't have to know he plays for Toronto.

Speaker 178 That's the

Speaker 166 best part of him.

Speaker 148 And it's, did I really hear that?

Speaker 173 And

Speaker 175 even if I get a chuckle out of them, you'll see even more.

Speaker 163 So, what do you have based on?

Speaker 9 So, one of my favorite baseball ones is Miguel Tejada.

Speaker 148 Very good.

Speaker 104 See, I'm going to, I don't forget these.

Speaker 102 Yeah, how did they go? Come? Tejada Day Falls.

Speaker 159 Yes, right?

Speaker 126 The best.

Speaker 54 I mean, it's

Speaker 54 right. Jimmy Cliff.

Speaker 23 The best.

Speaker 104 Oh, man.

Speaker 102 So I'm going too far back.

Speaker 135 I'm trying to think of.

Speaker 62 We can go to football too.

Speaker 54 Oh, football's a ton.

Speaker 104 Yeah.

Speaker 163 So football, the best ones are those you can deliver under the highlights.

Speaker 131 You can sing with them.

Speaker 182 We've resurrected Lido Shepherd this year with Debo, you know, which is Boss Gags.

Speaker 178 Debo?

Speaker 61 Whoa.

Speaker 167 It's the Lido Shuffle, one of the great wind-up songs of all time.

Speaker 175 We used to do it for Lido Shepherd, defensive back Philadelphia. The GM of the Niners, John Lynch, texted me like a month ago.

Speaker 54 Debo, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Speaker 120 Like, you know, and I've known Lynchy since he played, of course.

Speaker 176 But

Speaker 134 so

Speaker 175 when Steve Bono would go back to pass and complete it, you could go to do,

Speaker 105 I got you, babe, on a completion, right? Yeah.

Speaker 164 You could go.

Speaker 54 So Elvis Gerbach, again, these are all, but they're plenty right now.

Speaker 131 If Elvis went back and was going to be sacked, caught in a trap, you know.

Speaker 11 I mean, I mean, okay.

Speaker 104 Mark Bulger, remember him with the Rams?

Speaker 134 Yeah. Well, that's the scarecrow.

Speaker 148 Ray Bulger, right?

Speaker 102 So he'd go back to,

Speaker 102 if I could only find a receiver, you know.

Speaker 102 And then the kickers had a lot of them,

Speaker 141 including David Greenacres and the vet that used to play the theme from the TV.

Speaker 174 So, but this is old.

Speaker 148 So now,

Speaker 164 and the guy that should be a head coach is Eric sleeping with B.

Speaker 168 Enemy. Yep.
You know,

Speaker 168 he should be.

Speaker 175 And that was really Curtis, my favorite Martin.

Speaker 131 Martian was a TV show.

Speaker 165 Obscure.

Speaker 164 Good for this audience.

Speaker 102 Do you remember

Speaker 166 Steelers, primarily fullback Chris

Speaker 188 Mafala?

Speaker 164 Yes. Fu Matu Mafala.
Yes.

Speaker 163 We called him

Speaker 164 Chris Fumatu, bad Mafala.

Speaker 164 And then Tommy would chime in, because that came out of shaft.

Speaker 131 It was with a...

Speaker 148 you know, can you dig it?

Speaker 131 Can you dig it?

Speaker 54 Yeah, like

Speaker 20 shut your mouth.

Speaker 7 We throw those in, too.

Speaker 48 We'll throw in like the teeds going back with the Bengals.

Speaker 59 I know that.

Speaker 105 You're absolutely right, Ben.

Speaker 164 No, I'm so now.

Speaker 175 See, okay, now.

Speaker 28 I have, yeah, we're missing a couple of my absolute favorites.

Speaker 141 He's in the Super Bowl. Who's in the Super Bowl?

Speaker 175 So I'm going quicker.

Speaker 172 Joe mix and match.

Speaker 167 It's okay.

Speaker 172 It's not great. It's okay.

Speaker 178 But I'm thinking Bengals.

Speaker 45 I can give you one for the Bengals who have.

Speaker 16 Please.

Speaker 14 So Joe Burrow throws a pass to Jamar Chase.

Speaker 190 Burrow and Chase hide and seek.

Speaker 133 It works.

Speaker 55 Hide and seek.

Speaker 93 Hide and seek. Or you could go,

Speaker 16 what do we do for Joe Burrow?

Speaker 22 Do we do like

Speaker 93 all systems Joe? Yeah.

Speaker 141 Which is what it is.

Speaker 144 Think about it. Yeah.

Speaker 102 Two years ago, he won the national title and now he can win the Super Bowl.

Speaker 105 Yep.

Speaker 141 Two years ago, he sat in the box with us at the Super Bowl.

Speaker 100 Yeah.

Speaker 167 Now he's playing it.

Speaker 175 He might win. It's crazy.

Speaker 175 Good for him.

Speaker 11 But why am I? I mean, we have, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Speaker 167 The Chuba Missile Crisis.

Speaker 54 Yep. Yep.

Speaker 80 Chuba Missile Crisis. I think it's this year.

Speaker 54 Oh, there's a, go ahead.

Speaker 92 Well, I mean, Jake Dalome.

Speaker 9 Jake Delome is one of my all-time favorites.

Speaker 164 Daylight, come and you got it, Delom.

Speaker 62 Yeah, you got it.

Speaker 29 And then John Kitna was my other favorite that you always had.

Speaker 62 Yeah, he,

Speaker 141 well,

Speaker 141 go ahead. Kitna Caboodle?

Speaker 105 Yeah.

Speaker 159 Yeah, okay.

Speaker 54 I mean, I hadn't thought of him in a while.

Speaker 126 Yeah, I know.

Speaker 11 But that's, I love those.

Speaker 102 Look, a lot of them, a lot of the kickers.

Speaker 40 And I, yeah, I think it was with Jeff Fiegels, Jeff Philadelphia Fiegels, which is like so, it's so easy, but it's just so funny to say because he's playing for the Giants, and you're like, Jeff Philadelphia Fiegels.

Speaker 165 But when they work, when they're from where they're from,

Speaker 131 like Royce Clayton was a short setup with the Giants, Royce Aroney Clayton,

Speaker 134 a San Francisco treat, you know?

Speaker 164 but Jeff, not Fiegels, Jay Feely, who TV now? Yeah.

Speaker 3 So I would do the who for that one.

Speaker 134 On long ones.

Speaker 178 See me,

Speaker 95 Feely.

Speaker 171 And you like to sing, right?

Speaker 86 Have you sung the anthem or something?

Speaker 15 The anthem, yeah, when we do our boxing. Yeah.

Speaker 95 That's a hard song.

Speaker 95 Yes, it is.

Speaker 134 Bob Seeger and Huey Lewis, and then there's the other Stephen Stills.

Speaker 135 It's really cool that,

Speaker 175 and what you guys are finding.

Speaker 164 Yes, you have your hardcore audience that's sports and all but you meet people from all over america canada etc

Speaker 68 white black old young who like hey we're football fans yeah for example and sports has allowed me and us to we allowed me to to meet you guys football frankly you like football we like you like football i like football we like football i like football i like football let's have let's let's have a let's have a meal what do you say what do you think you want to talk about it's a perfect ending you want to talk football some spread

Speaker 164 from a commercial.

Speaker 192 Man, I'll tell you what. When you're hungry out there, you start acting like a rookie quarterback in his first game, making bad decisions, messing up the basics, being all out of sorts.

Speaker 192 That's where Snickers comes in, man. That thing is packed.
Roasted peanuts, nugget, caramel, milk chocolate. It's like the MVP of candy bars.

Speaker 192 And when you bite into it, boom, it sorts you out, gets your head back in the game of life, satisfying your hunger. Remember this: Snickers handles your hunger so you can handle everything else.

Speaker 192 Snickers satisfies, man.

Speaker 60 That's a winning play.

Speaker 92 We have

Speaker 9 our very favorite, probably one of our top three favorite guys that is in the Pardon My Take universe.

Speaker 29 It is Tim Woods on the show for a special

Speaker 9 edition of Dungeons and Dragons where we are going to have, this whole episode will be an entire adventure.

Speaker 99 And we have added

Speaker 4 the biggest nerd in the office in Nick Turani.

Speaker 193 He's here. Hot seat Jake.

Speaker 28 Yeah, so it's going to be an incredible experience.

Speaker 1 We're going to start fresh because we know we've done a bunch of Dungeon ⁇ Dragons episodes where like the first hour of the episode was us recapping what happened in the last one.

Speaker 50 So we're like, fuck it, let's just start fresh.

Speaker 194 Let's do an extended version all in one episode.

Speaker 29 I am so excited.

Speaker 99 Tim.

Speaker 22 Take it away. Absolutely.

Speaker 139 It's so good to be here. Great to be back.
It's been a while, and and I'm so excited for us to dive back into D ⁇ D. I think it's also going to be great that we're starting fresh.

Speaker 139 The adventure that I have planned for us today is a classic. It is known as Lost Minds of Fandelver.

Speaker 139 It is one of the most well-known D ⁇ D adventures, and it is, in fact, the one that we started playing, but only did a little bit of before we turned upon each other and killed each other.

Speaker 139 So now I think we're actually going to be.

Speaker 66 And that was like three years ago.

Speaker 179 That was so long ago.

Speaker 147 ago.

Speaker 54 Absolutely.

Speaker 65 Hey, are you going to drink those beers or are they just for show?

Speaker 109 I actually should. They're getting heavy on my head.
Yeah, you should drink some.

Speaker 12 Go ahead, drink them.

Speaker 139 Crack them all. Got to lighten up that encumbrance.
Yeah.

Speaker 29 Okay, Hank's cracking the beers.

Speaker 139 Let's do it, though. Absolutely.
And in fact, our story begins with a little bit of drinking as it were.

Speaker 116 Here we go.

Speaker 139 At dinner, and drinks are being served. Because, of course, they always are being served at a dwarven merchant's house.
We are at the home of one Gundren Rockseeker.

Speaker 139 He's a dwarven merchant, one of the three Rockseeker brothers, and the first things they serve in his house are always the drinks first, food second,

Speaker 66 second priority.

Speaker 7 Absolutely.

Speaker 196 Bill Cosmos' house.

Speaker 54 Okay. Makes me strong.

Speaker 139 And I'll just say that Wayne the Bard, just a reminder as to who our characters are, Wayne the Bard, you are also a dwarf. So I'm going to say that's probably how you know Gundran Rock Seeker already.

Speaker 139 As a dwarf in the city of Neverwinter, you are part of that dwarven community.

Speaker 18 Right, but like dwarf, it's not because I'm short, right?

Speaker 139 Um, no, it's not just because you're short,

Speaker 139 because dwarves tend to congregate together, they're

Speaker 139 close-knit families and plans, and they are always hanging out together. A lot of dwarves in Neverwinter know each other and are part of this thriving community.

Speaker 139 The boys are back in town, the boys are back in town, absolutely.

Speaker 139 And Norm the barbarian, that's me, you are a human, and in theory, in the thriving city of Neverwinter, you're even rarer than a dwarf because most of the barbarians live out in Neverwinter woods, which is full of like werewolves and witches and all kinds of monsters.

Speaker 139 You are making maybe one of your rare visits to the city of Neverwinter, mainly because Gundren Rockseeker has offered you money for a moment.

Speaker 15 I'm like the kid that Bleacher Report posts, like the seventh grader who's seven feet and he's just dunking on a bunch of like five-foot kids.

Speaker 54 Okay, yeah, that's me right now.

Speaker 139 Absolutely, though you are younger than Gundren, you are significantly larger than him.

Speaker 139 As a barbarian, you are muscled and strong and very much stand a good twice the height of Gundry when you are standing.

Speaker 53 This kid's going to be a problem in 2030.

Speaker 151 Absolutely.

Speaker 54 Never is. Yeah, never is.

Speaker 9 Always like, nope, he was just taller than everyone.

Speaker 139 He's got the natural talent, but you got to level it up, of course.

Speaker 86 You've got to learn how to play center in seventh grade, and then you're never going to grow, and you're going to be like 6'3.

Speaker 18 Yeah.

Speaker 53 No ball skills, whatsoever.

Speaker 34 Close as fuck, yeah. Okay.

Speaker 139 It's a good analogy for a barbarian because whereas you don't focus on the strategy of fighting, you just rush right in and have all that natural rage that is carrying you through.

Speaker 139 You know, you said something about drugs and he forgot about that. He is just focused.
He has spilled all the beans. And I asked him

Speaker 18 if he knows where to get some drugs, though, just for tonight.

Speaker 139 He says,

Speaker 139 I mean, I do. And he pulls out of one of his bags this pouch.

Speaker 121 Not for me, by the way.

Speaker 139 I've got some pipe leaf here, if that's what you need. We can break this out.

Speaker 139 And I just, listen, I just asked you, keep it away from Gundren because if he starts blazing this tonight, he's never never going to leave. He's just going to hang out.

Speaker 139 And the next thing I know, I'll be the one tying him onto his pony to get him out the city gate.

Speaker 88 It's going to be a whole mess. Right.

Speaker 194 Got it. Facts.
I smelled the weed and I called the guards.

Speaker 139 If you wish to smell what is in the pouch, this would be a D20 roll for you.

Speaker 93 Yeah, I gotta find. Is this mid-leaf?

Speaker 77 14.

Speaker 139 This is some long bottom leaf right here.

Speaker 70 Awesome. Sticky, icky.

Speaker 80 OG Kush.

Speaker 139 With a persuasion of plus six, and 19, I'm going to say you don't know where it's coming from this house, but you are catching a whiff

Speaker 139 of some dank pipe leaf.

Speaker 91 I ain't one bit.

Speaker 25 Real dank pipe leaf.

Speaker 57 Straight gas.

Speaker 139 And as a paladin of protection, you certainly like tis, tis, tisk. Like, this is this is

Speaker 134 against the law.

Speaker 72 Wow, what?

Speaker 66 I'm a pussy.

Speaker 139 The laws of Neverwinter strictly state that pipe leaf use is regulated. But, you know, the law enforcement isn't really cracking down on it that much anymore.
It's not that big a deal.

Speaker 93 Just to throw this out here, I think we should smoke cake out. I think we should make cake get high.

Speaker 70 He should sample it.

Speaker 196 Tim, they made me do dip a few months ago.

Speaker 73 Oh, no.

Speaker 54 Oh, gosh.

Speaker 11 That was bad.

Speaker 59 He does love the long cut, yeah.

Speaker 196 And I had to take my shirt off at a hockey game and wear fake boobs.

Speaker 139 Okay, I suppose that was

Speaker 139 step one, then step two, the

Speaker 53 whole alley of process.

Speaker 93 Let's just get him high real quick.

Speaker 21 Just take one hit, cake.

Speaker 139 Certainly, we would have the opportunity. Gundren is ready to break out just tobacco pipe leaf.
And if somebody were to do a little switcheroo, it might be a little

Speaker 139 bit more difficult. It would be a while before somebody realized that they were not, in fact, smoking tobacco pipe leaf.

Speaker 196 Hmm.

Speaker 82 All right, let's do it.

Speaker 139 Absolutely. So you've got the sticky icky right now.

Speaker 88 Well, Hank actually does.

Speaker 37 I gave him some some before we walked in.

Speaker 66 Absolutely.

Speaker 139 Well, in real life.

Speaker 65 Okay,

Speaker 198 there you go. Absolutely.

Speaker 139 I'll say, Wayne, right now, you have just been given some by Sildar.

Speaker 139 The other characters, I'll say of all the other characters, it would be Norm and Ehrlich, who would be the most likely to just be starting play with a little bit of their own pipe weed.

Speaker 139 And you certainly have a large pouch of some that Sildar has just given you, hoping that you won't say more about what you know at this point to Gundren.

Speaker 30 I won't say anything, but I do want him to smoke it.

Speaker 22 Absolutely.

Speaker 139 When you get back, I'm going to say dinner's done. Gundren is packing pipes, wooden pipes for everybody, of some of the finest tobacco.

Speaker 139 This has got like cigars in his mind that he is passing around to everybody. Do you want to do anything as Cake is about to receive his wooden pipe of tobacco?

Speaker 21 I'd like to put on some cool music.

Speaker 44 Oh, absolutely.

Speaker 139 Now, putting, oh, actually, you can literally do what you're saying because you can either break out an instrument to play it or you could create an illusion of your favorite music.

Speaker 193 Yeah, I want to do a hologram Tupac.

Speaker 54 Absolutely.

Speaker 54 An actual incubus. Yeah.

Speaker 139 Dwarves are historically not very friendly to people who have killed their brothers and they are very tight.

Speaker 151 Okay, so here's what we do.

Speaker 54 Yeah, we didn't kill his brothers.

Speaker 92 Not yet, certainly.

Speaker 64 We should kill him.

Speaker 9 We should take his penis and bring it with us to Fandalen and go to his brothers and be like sports again.

Speaker 12 And look, look, look what we got, your brother's dick.

Speaker 99 And then we kill him.

Speaker 139 Let's cut off the head so they see the dick is detached.

Speaker 54 Oh, yeah, good call. Good call.

Speaker 139 I would be prepared to say they may not recognize that body part.

Speaker 54 Oh, they're brothers, yeah.

Speaker 66 They are brothers, so a headache.

Speaker 38 They used to take back.

Speaker 152 I could name everyone's cock in here.

Speaker 52 No problem.

Speaker 194 Where do my flaws come into play?

Speaker 139 Your flaws are yours to decide. There are some advised flaws here and personality traits, but you get to decide whether those are true or not.
Those are just recommended choices.

Speaker 194 I have an insatiable desire for carnal pleasures.

Speaker 139 This is a fact about the human paladin that he wrestles with this carnal pleasure, apparently.

Speaker 194 I'm so afraid of death.

Speaker 12 I need to get one more lay-in.

Speaker 45 Absolutely.

Speaker 144 Yeah, I'm going to try to fuck cake.

Speaker 54 Okay,

Speaker 92 absolutely.

Speaker 139 You are feeling overcome by your carnal desire. I'm going to ask, when you say you are trying to fuck cake, do you mean you are just trying to

Speaker 139 approach him right now and do this? Or are you trying to convince him? This is a good idea. Convince him.

Speaker 194 I'm trying to get consent for fucking.

Speaker 139 I would like to know, number one, what you're saying, but number two, what your persuasion skill is. Oh, wow, you're very persuasive.

Speaker 180 You have a plus six on this.

Speaker 139 You're a handsome man.

Speaker 194 I turn into a cartoon wolf and my tongue rolls out of my mouth.

Speaker 73 Absolutely.

Speaker 54 I move like a tuna can lid to get it back in.

Speaker 197 Absolutely.

Speaker 139 You're kind of seeing like ahead of you, Cake is getting spells at the ready.

Speaker 202 Yeah, he is.

Speaker 201 He looks hot.

Speaker 129 His ass is jiggling in that road he knows what he's doing

Speaker 195 absolutely

Speaker 139 what are you gonna say to cake the combat has just broken out and you're fucking i'm just i'm gonna bite my bottom lip and just say wow that's all that's actually very good that's all you say 100 make a persuasion check

Speaker 139 seven

Speaker 139 with a plus six that is not as bad as it could have been a one would have been very good right now honestly uh but a 13 i'm gonna say with a 13 I will not force Cake to make a wisdom saving throw.

Speaker 139 It's not seductive enough that he is in that position. But Cake, I will ask you, how are you responding to this sort of advance?

Speaker 196 Maybe just he wants to have sex with me.

Speaker 139 It's clear what he is doing is biting his bottom lip and just saying wow, and it's enough that you can tell it's directed at you.

Speaker 139 It was provocative enough, you looked back and you saw the look on his face.

Speaker 24 Just let him give you a head. Don't be a prude.

Speaker 79 You know,

Speaker 196 Something's going on downstairs.

Speaker 204 That's the truth.

Speaker 139 Now I will ask, if that is the case, are you trying to hide this and play hard to get?

Speaker 54 Or yeah.

Speaker 200 I don't know if I have the balls to do that, so I'm just going to straight up tell him.

Speaker 179 It's all

Speaker 124 it's true.

Speaker 139 Charisma is not your strong suit, and so it would be hard for you to hide the feelings that you're having right now.

Speaker 200 I like telling the truth straight up. Absolutely.

Speaker 139 What do you tell him?

Speaker 200 I tell him, let's do it.

Speaker 79 Absolutely. 100

Speaker 204 i'm gonna roll for the goblins real quick and the goblins are like what the fuck is going on down there they immediately understand

Speaker 139 there's some arousal going on here and they are like

Speaker 139 and they're so thrown off their game immediately you you hear uh i think someone here does speak goblin i think it would be the barbarian you can tell that the goblins are saying wait do we we still we still fight them and the other goblins are like yeah yes i don't know what they're doing right now And the goblins are like getting disadvantaged on any attack rolls they do because they are so thrown off their game of like

Speaker 88 I think we're attacking the wrong group.

Speaker 66 These guys are just in love.

Speaker 79 Like, so yeah.

Speaker 139 Norm, I'm sorry to say you just got critical hit by what you think is a ghoul

Speaker 139 and this ghoul is hitting you with its claws. So I'm going to need you to make a constitution saving throw as the ghoul's claws hit you.

Speaker 66 This doesn't have to be a hit.

Speaker 139 Plus, six, I believe, you have because you're quite good at this.

Speaker 52 Four.

Speaker 54 Oh, I'm sorry to say, with the ten, that is not going to be enough.

Speaker 55 Constitution destroyed

Speaker 19 Norm.

Speaker 139 I'm so sorry to say that since you are not, you weren't able to rage because there were no enemies around to rage against at the moment. And I'm so sorry to say that you just took 20

Speaker 77 or sorry, 18 damage

Speaker 72 from the claws of the ghoul.

Speaker 139 They leap up to you. He starts throttling you and digging your claws in.
And that was the bad part.

Speaker 3 Here's the worst part.

Speaker 139 As the claws dig into your neck, you start to feel your muscles

Speaker 79 locking up.

Speaker 7 Oh no, you are

Speaker 66 paralyzed by the claws of the ghoul.

Speaker 58 They're gonna have to push you around and you're fat as fuck.

Speaker 139 That means that as you're getting paralyzed, the ghoul's looking around.

Speaker 90 He's gonna turn to brand the year of my healthy.

Speaker 139 It has one more attack, and it wanted to do that bite attack against somebody else to like try to take down another ally. Except when you get paralyzed, the ghoul's instincts kick in.

Speaker 139 It loves when people get paralyzed because then it can feast slowly.

Speaker 59 Oh, no.

Speaker 139 And it's gonna bite you because it has advantage on this attack role.

Speaker 78 Roll now that you're paralyzed.

Speaker 139 That's going to be a 21 to hit you, I'm sorry to say.

Speaker 139 That means he gets critical hit damage for the bite attack as well.

Speaker 139 But he's rolling bad on this so far uh okay he stopped that nine so far ten plus two another 12 points of damage so norm you've taken 30 damage in all from this ghoul

Speaker 54 can't touch my balls again you can't walk

Speaker 139 certainly the days have passed and so in theory your healing is back up to full now greg so you could get healed again and then the last bit of bad news after the ghoul does his attacks

Speaker 61 the worst news is that

Speaker 139 this isn't quite as bad news because nobody's attacking you right now at least, but the two other

Speaker 72 ghouls

Speaker 67 in the room look up from the bones that they are chomping on.

Speaker 139 And they just turn in that scary way and start rushing over the beds, leaping from bed to bed towards Norm and the others.

Speaker 34 Where are my bros?

Speaker 139 Ehrlich, you hear all of this? And so all of you can now roll into initiative against these ghouls.

Speaker 77 Can my bros help me, please?

Speaker 197 Yeah, they certainly will.

Speaker 52 I want to help.

Speaker 139 Otherwise, I know you have mage armor as one of your spells.

Speaker 66 You have shields.

Speaker 200 Oh, I do have the shield.

Speaker 42 You have the shield spell.

Speaker 80 That's going to be very interesting.

Speaker 129 I got to pee too. I was just going to pee in this bottle.

Speaker 28 I was too, but I wanted to ask Tim first.

Speaker 60 Yeah, can we pee in our bottles?

Speaker 53 I'm totally fine.

Speaker 53 I actually just got this one out for that reason, though.

Speaker 197 Absolutely.

Speaker 139 I'm reminded that I have my

Speaker 139 gear that I'm going to use as well. Absolutely.

Speaker 66 And

Speaker 66 yeah, so. Cake, don't look.

Speaker 128 Liam, blur out my penis.

Speaker 139 Cake, you are taking up the position against the ghouls. I'm going to roll against you first while they're busy.
And here's the first claw attack against you.

Speaker 139 I'm so sorry to say, the claws of the ghoul, as you step forward, like, bring it on, it lunges forward and gets a 20 against you. Now, I'm sorry to say that your armor class with the

Speaker 139 mage armor is 16,

Speaker 74 but...

Speaker 139 If you were to use shield, that would bring it up to 21. It only lasts for one turn, but shield would protect you from this claw.

Speaker 139 Are you using a shield?

Speaker 200 I'm a little distracted right now.

Speaker 66 Same thing.

Speaker 6 Did you fill it up?

Speaker 208 I got to pinch off.

Speaker 74 Well, I just peeked a little on the tire.

Speaker 124 Holy shit.

Speaker 87 Hydrated?

Speaker 87 Yeah.

Speaker 139 That's a constitution save right there to pinch off.

Speaker 197 Absolutely. Okay.

Speaker 71 Just peek a little on the tree.

Speaker 54 So if you use shield, you'll be safe from the claw.

Speaker 52 I ever flown. Yeah.

Speaker 66 Stop.

Speaker 58 It doesn't hold as much as as you think.

Speaker 78 You guys have the exact same color piss?

Speaker 74 It's incredible.

Speaker 66 This is guys being dudes.

Speaker 156 Has anybody ever peed in a game with you before?

Speaker 139 No, this will be a first. Love it.

Speaker 18 I don't know. What's the strategy here, guys?

Speaker 25 We're in a lot of time.

Speaker 86 I can heal norm.

Speaker 22 Okay, so should I try to draw?

Speaker 15 Should I try to draw the ghouls to me as I make a break for the door and try to put them onto Hank?

Speaker 14 I don't know.

Speaker 139 You would be able to do do that with either deception or another.

Speaker 66 Too risky.

Speaker 14 I don't know what else I can do right now.

Speaker 121 I've got spells.

Speaker 16 I've got Thunder Wave.

Speaker 139 Thunder Wave can hit all three of these.

Speaker 20 I do have Unseen Servant, too.

Speaker 22 So I can get an invisible.

Speaker 136 I've got an invisible friend of my own, Hank.

Speaker 180 Yes.

Speaker 21 How's that sound?

Speaker 20 So can I use my Unseen Servant?

Speaker 139 Yes, you could.

Speaker 194 Okay, to go open up the door and unleash these beasts onto Ehrlich.

Speaker 139 The answer to that is, of course, absolutely. Yeah, that is exactly what Unseen Servant can do.

Speaker 139 So if you spend your action summoning your Unseen Servant, it immediately conjures this invisible air elemental into the air. You whisper to it, go open that door.
It flies over.

Speaker 139 Now, the only problem is the Unseen Servant is very weak. I need you to roll a D20 just to make sure he gets this door open.

Speaker 139 It's stuck like the door was when we first got it.

Speaker 17 I just rolled a two.

Speaker 139 A two, I'm sorry to say, is not quite enough,

Speaker 197 especially with the penalty that the Unseen Servant has.

Speaker 68 Shut the fuck up or something.

Speaker 71 Fuck, you actually.

Speaker 139 Oh, there is something you can do here.

Speaker 44 You're dead.

Speaker 73 You're dead.

Speaker 139 With your bonus action.

Speaker 44 No, you're literally almost dead.

Speaker 11 No, you're dead.

Speaker 54 At least I can walk.

Speaker 53 Wait, wait, I got a bonus action.

Speaker 44 I get a bonus action.

Speaker 22 Yeah, I get a bonus action, bitch.

Speaker 139 You can use your bonus action.

Speaker 139 You get to use it to inspire one person here, and I would allow that person to be your unseen servant. If you give your unseen servant inspiration, you get to add a D8 to that too.

Speaker 54 Okay.

Speaker 139 All right, here we go. So go ahead and roll a D8.

Speaker 180 You inspire your seat. Which one's the D8?

Speaker 56 One with D8.

Speaker 139 It looks like two pyramids stuck together.

Speaker 38 Five.

Speaker 139 Five is enough.

Speaker 152 Just barely get the door to open.

Speaker 139 What do you say to inspire your unseen servant?

Speaker 193 I do my classic.

Speaker 30 It's the Draymond talking to Kevin Durant.

Speaker 18 I get up in his ear and I'm like, you got this. You got this.

Speaker 139 Absolutely. You tell him to believe in himself.

Speaker 30 I think I'll throw the guy's head with the dick on it and try to get that dick tied around his dick ear.

Speaker 88 I'll allow that.

Speaker 25 Like an earring.

Speaker 139 Yes, 100%. Go ahead and get a drink.

Speaker 196 The rats get their tails tied together.

Speaker 27 Yeah.

Speaker 139 A king dick, as it were.

Speaker 78 Or a dick king, I guess. Yes.

Speaker 139 Go ahead and roll a D20.

Speaker 18 If you've got a dick ear, you can definitely hear us coming.

Speaker 53 Here we go.

Speaker 136 17.

Speaker 139 17. With your attack bonus, that is enough that it hits him in the ear, and I will let you roll a dexterity saving throw to avoid your ear getting tangled in that.

Speaker 79 Oh, I got a one.

Speaker 54 Fuck you, bitch.

Speaker 209 Hey, dick ear.

Speaker 139 With a natural one, it's not just tangled on your ear. It is in your ear.

Speaker 71 It's still docking. Yeah.
It's docked.

Speaker 61 docked.

Speaker 74 It is docked.

Speaker 144 It's the new hotness.

Speaker 40 Every podcast has decided they need a quarterback on once a week to make sure that they're.

Speaker 86 I don't know what I don't.

Speaker 187 I actually don't know the reasoning behind it.

Speaker 14 I think I know the reasoning behind it.

Speaker 93 It's because Aaron Rodgers did it.

Speaker 94 Right.

Speaker 34 Oh, why don't we call Jared?

Speaker 7 Oh, yeah, we called Jared.

Speaker 69 All right. All right.
Good call. Good call.

Speaker 193 Yeah, let's get Jared on the pod.

Speaker 146 I've got so many.

Speaker 41 Oh, Jared's calling me back. Here we go.

Speaker 100 Okay.

Speaker 15 Jared.

Speaker 157 What's up?

Speaker 187 Dude,

Speaker 7 we're, I don't know if you've noticed, but like every podcast is having a quarterback on every week. Okay.

Speaker 7 So we want to have, we were going to have Blake on for one question every week, but we called and he didn't pick up.

Speaker 83 So you're just going to be on this week for one question.

Speaker 105 Is that cool?

Speaker 157 Sure.

Speaker 7 All right. So you're on right now.

Speaker 54 What was our one question?

Speaker 18 Our question was going to be, do you think Queen Elizabeth's in heaven?

Speaker 6 Oh, do you think Queen Elizabeth is in heaven?

Speaker 157 I hope so.

Speaker 18 All right, Josh, my one question.

Speaker 54 Are you him?

Speaker 60 I think there's too many hymns right now.

Speaker 41 Yeah.

Speaker 70 It's like church.

Speaker 109 There's a lot of them going around.

Speaker 30 I think, you know, if everybody's great, nobody's great.

Speaker 45 So we gotta, there's gotta be a new word, you know?

Speaker 40 Gardner, I know that you, you know, you're a tough guy. We've had you on the show.

Speaker 8 You talked about having to break your own hand,

Speaker 51 which was a crazy story.

Speaker 7 If the doctors were to x-ray your heart, how many dogs do you think would be in there?

Speaker 211 Man, that's a good question.

Speaker 211 But, you know, I don't know if it's about the number of the dogs, but the size of the heart in the dogs.

Speaker 211 And my dogs have big hearts. And so I'd say there's probably about two dogs with very big hearts.

Speaker 44 Okay.

Speaker 159 Okay.

Speaker 54 I like that.

Speaker 33 Yeah. It's like the size of the dog in the fight.

Speaker 22 You've got small dogs, but if you x-ray them, your dogs have dogs in them.

Speaker 61 Yeah.

Speaker 67 One question with the quarterback, Blake Bortles.

Speaker 60 My question is:

Speaker 1 We had a little bit of a discussion, possibly people reaching out to you to see if you could, you know, train, come in, you know, maybe be a backup.

Speaker 24 How are you? Are you in good shape?

Speaker 186 Are you ready to be signed by a team?

Speaker 156 Maybe even the Patriots, Hank, is trying to hog all the Blakes.

Speaker 52 I did.

Speaker 211 I heard Hank mention that the other day, and I appreciate that, Hank. I have not touched a football since January.

Speaker 211 No, I quietly quietly didn't tell anybody. I retired.

Speaker 52 Just didn't tell anyone.

Speaker 211 So I guess you guys are kind of the first to hear it publicly, maybe.

Speaker 83 It's one question with a quarterback.

Speaker 28 Kirk, we each get one question, yourself included.

Speaker 117 My one question is a very important question.

Speaker 28 I saw when you were in London after the game, you did the gritty off the field.

Speaker 183 Do you think you killed the gritty?

Speaker 152 Because I don't think it's, I don't, it's it's not cool anymore after you did it.

Speaker 137 I haven't seen the tape. So I got to see the tape and then I could give you a better answer.
But

Speaker 137 no, there's room for improvement. There's always room for improvement.
We can all be better, big cat, but

Speaker 137 I got to watch that tape certainly. And I would agree that anything that I do is no longer cool.
So like when I wear the plaid button down to week one, you know, it looks like I got it from Kohl's.

Speaker 137 But if Justin Jefferson wears that same plaid button down to next week's press conference, everybody in Minnesota is buying a plaid button down. So I'm fully aware of that.

Speaker 137 And I don't want to do anything to tarnish the gritty. It's got a lot of momentum right now.
So it's probably best if I just stay away from it.

Speaker 50 I hate that you have the self-awareness there because that makes me...

Speaker 212 Okay. All right.
That was a good answer.

Speaker 59 That was a good answer to my one question.

Speaker 23 God damn it.

Speaker 121 I don't think Minnesota needs any help buying button-down flannel shirts.

Speaker 25 I feel like

Speaker 54 they're doing okay.

Speaker 208 Yeah, we have to be very efficient with these questions because we only get one. So I'll just tell people to check out the Joe Burrow Foundation.

Speaker 208 I'll give you that plug right off the bat because I'm a nice guy. My

Speaker 208 question for you is: if you could get one guy for the month of December and the playoffs, so you get him for the playoffs too to join the Bengals between Odell Beckham, LeBron James at tight end, or Harambe is alive again and he's playing defensive end.

Speaker 208 He's doing a three-man rotation with Trey and Sam Hubbard. Who are you taking?

Speaker 113 You got to take Harambe, right?

Speaker 72 Yeah.

Speaker 215 I mean, the strength to weight ratio is just way higher than humans.

Speaker 208 You got to get after the quarterback in the playoffs. You have to be able to heat him up.
Like you got to, you got to take Josh Allen or Mahomes.

Speaker 208 I think the only person that's taking Josh Allen down is probably a silverback gorilla.

Speaker 117 Yeah.

Speaker 215 That's, I mean, that's an easy seven sacks a game, I'm sure.

Speaker 196 Hey, Matt, Jake Marsh, part of my take podcast. Congratulations on the win this week, but what's the longest you have gone without having to hear about 28 to 3?

Speaker 54 Oh,

Speaker 210 I'll give like the in-season answer. It's once a week because it's every stadium I go into.

Speaker 210 Some unoriginal clown comes up and goes with the 28 to 3 line. So it's every week, every week in in-season, but during the offseason, it just depends if I'm back in New England or not.

Speaker 210 If I'm up in New England where I went to school where my wife's from, then we'll hear plenty about it.

Speaker 27 And now you have to reset the counter because Jake just brought it up.

Speaker 13 So today, correct.

Speaker 61 Yes,

Speaker 127 this week.

Speaker 22 Yeah. Swag, big fan.

Speaker 18 How many quarterbacks in the NFL right now do you think that you could start over?

Speaker 216 50%.

Speaker 159 Oh,

Speaker 18 I was going to say higher, but that you're a modest guy.

Speaker 30 What's up, Kenny? Quick question.

Speaker 214 What happens when you throw a football without a glove on?

Speaker 113 Oof.

Speaker 210 You know, I do that in the walkthrough, and everybody on the offense is just amazed at how I'm able to do it. So it's not too different, but I manage during the walkthroughs without the gloves.

Speaker 158 That's the sound of extremely processed dog food, which is the norm at most pet food companies. But at the Farmer's Dog, we do things differently.
We gently cook our food without ultra-processing.

Speaker 158 It's developed by our team of board-certified nutritionists, made to human-grade safety standards and portioned for your dog, then delivered right to your door.

Speaker 158 How does that sound to you get 50 off your first box available only at thefarmersdog.com and my cool throne is jack ni claus who rejected

Speaker 54 what nicholas no this is over this podcast is done jake is gonna have a stroke hold on hold on no one tell him jack nichola okay jack was niklaus how did you say that jack nichola he said it like like

Speaker 200 it took me like two seconds to realize that's who he was talking about that's why my reaction was delayed.

Speaker 54 Oh,

Speaker 77 on what planet did you.

Speaker 34 Jack Niklaus.

Speaker 212 Where did we find you, Billy?

Speaker 170 Rejected

Speaker 218 $100 million.

Speaker 73 Stay true, Billy.

Speaker 23 Stay strong.

Speaker 218 Do not go to the Saudi Golf League.

Speaker 174 Shocking.

Speaker 219 Yeah, he rejected all that money because of his morals.

Speaker 141 So, cool throwing him.

Speaker 86 Wait, wait, Jack Nicklaus?

Speaker 42 Wait, Jack Niklaus was offered millions.

Speaker 27 $100 million to golf?

Speaker 68 He's

Speaker 34 90.

Speaker 4 I know, no, to be the commissioner

Speaker 183 yeah so he didn't pull up all right good for Jack Klaus

Speaker 86 so it's fucking spelt

Speaker 35 no I'm with you Billy but that he's like one of the why does he just spell his name Nicholas

Speaker 136 why is it Nick Laus because his grandfather's grandfather grandfather that's how he spelled his name

Speaker 126 for not anglicizing his name

Speaker 54 oh wow that was a joke if you saw the picture of him would you not recognize him make your name more American.

Speaker 146 That's probably the first time.

Speaker 18 No, it's definitely the first time in his life that Jack Nicholas has experienced racism.

Speaker 198 That's why it's fine to say that.

Speaker 177 Holy shit, Jack Nicklaus.

Speaker 151 You are a special person.

Speaker 86 Yeah, no, you're a special person.

Speaker 179 Don't ever change.

Speaker 136 Don't read another book out there.

Speaker 25 That was a shit.

Speaker 35 That makes like Hanks, like, Obgen and Thailand.

Speaker 179 That's up there.

Speaker 24 We should do a Mount Rushman.

Speaker 54 I think it's pronunciation.

Speaker 109 I think Thailand is equally as bad because it's like you should recognize the name. The same way when you see Jack Nicholas, like, you know, the things that I've only read.

Speaker 40 I've only read his name.

Speaker 18 Yeah, but Objin is maybe even better because you're also not understanding a vagina.

Speaker 23 That one, well, yeah.

Speaker 109 But who knows what an object is, like, who knows what that is?

Speaker 54 Who knows what that is?

Speaker 109 Yeah, but probably because you're significant others, like, I have to go. Like, I was single at the time.

Speaker 61 Objin.

Speaker 59 Jack Nicklaus. Unbelievable.

Speaker 4 Print the shirts.

Speaker 92 Jack Nicklaus.

Speaker 54 It's also all capital letters.

Speaker 217 When was the last time he played?

Speaker 24 But he gets talked.

Speaker 177 You've heard his name said.

Speaker 30 Billy, he tees off at August.

Speaker 18 I'm pretty sure he's the first person that hits every single year. Right.

Speaker 30 And they say, to kick off this year's Masters tournament, here he is, Jack Niklaus.

Speaker 217 But

Speaker 217 when did he stop playing?

Speaker 86 A long time ago.

Speaker 146 I think he stopped playing at the Masters in the late 90s, probably.

Speaker 30 Yeah.

Speaker 219 I was born in the late 90s.

Speaker 68 That's true.

Speaker 14 But he's still like, I think he has the all-time record for major tournaments.

Speaker 183 He's the guy that Tigers don't know.

Speaker 136 That's how you should know his name because for the last 20 years, everyone's been like, when is Tiger going to get Jack Niklaus' rebound?

Speaker 212 Jack Niklaus is the goat.

Speaker 179 And he got.

Speaker 218 And Niklaus sounds better than Jack Nicholson. He's 82 years old.

Speaker 186 Jack Nicholas sounds like every other dude.

Speaker 1 He's 82 years old. Jack Niklaus.
It is confusing when you got like Jack Nicholas and you got Phil Mickelson.

Speaker 30 You want to call him Jack Nicholson.

Speaker 62 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 219 I almost thought this article was about Phil Mickelson. I thought he turned down the money, but it turns out he didn't.

Speaker 121 No, Phil did.

Speaker 152 No, no, Phil did.

Speaker 217 He's still trying. He's still taking the bait.

Speaker 4 That's what I'm putting.

Speaker 40 He should chef to this.

Speaker 1 Like, when Tom Brady was

Speaker 1 suspended, it was Dom Grady that was starting for the Patriots.

Speaker 13 Jack Nicklaus should take the $100 million. Yeah.

Speaker 35 And Jack Nicholas should say no.

Speaker 36 That would be smart for him.

Speaker 180 Jack Niklaus.

Speaker 59 Unbelievable.

Speaker 7 What a moment.

Speaker 40 So, just to recap for everyone: Billy wants us to send him to Nashville to party with tight end you.

Speaker 40 And we basically were like, if you are on good behavior leading up to it, yeah, we could think about this.

Speaker 186 This might be fun.

Speaker 27 And then for some reason, last night he got so drunk that he didn't show up to work.

Speaker 221 That doesn't feel like

Speaker 7 doing enough to get sent to tight end you.

Speaker 220 So

Speaker 67 the floor is Billy's for all the lies that he's about to give us.

Speaker 45 Look, dude, it was

Speaker 44 entourage.

Speaker 79 It was sick.

Speaker 61 It was entourage was filmed.

Speaker 86 You want to unpack that?

Speaker 151 What was the entourage?

Speaker 4 Kai Becca Film Festival, YOLO.

Speaker 45 I mean, it was awesome.

Speaker 154 I mean,

Speaker 137 I'm here to take my lashings.

Speaker 109 Did what I did, you know, but it was cool.

Speaker 14 What did you do?

Speaker 43 Specifically, yeah.

Speaker 22 You did entourage.

Speaker 136 As far as I know, you were in entourage last night.

Speaker 137 You were cosplaying entourage.

Speaker 45 It was awesome.

Speaker 67 So who did you go out with?

Speaker 132 Literally all the best lacrosse players from my childhood.

Speaker 16 Okay, anybody else that works on this show? Was anybody in there?

Speaker 125 Anyone in particular?

Speaker 4 Jake went home.

Speaker 18 Okay. Oh, so no, so Jake went out with you, though, right?

Speaker 60 And then he went home. And then he went home, and then he came into work.

Speaker 4 No, no, Jake went home very early.

Speaker 198 After party till one in the morning.

Speaker 6 Oh, you were there, Jake.

Speaker 54 Until one in the morning.

Speaker 71 I look at it at one.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so that's a reasonable thing.

Speaker 35 So this is also, these are my favorite moments, too, because Billy thinks that the history of Barstool started when he showed up and he'll sometimes be like uh big cat you don't understand how hard i have it like you don't understand like this is like

Speaker 147 i so

Speaker 51 hold on hold on hold on hold on so i remember vividly um if i could just share a story when the blackhawks won the stanley cup i think in 2013

Speaker 37 um i was lucky enough to go out with the team i was out till i want to say four or five in the morning because i remember i vividly remember hearing the birds chirp when i got home And then I wrote like 14 blogs the next day because I know if I didn't, Dave would have like reamed my ass out and made a fool of me.

Speaker 29 Um, and so that just kind of shows you the easiness that you have because really the only punishment you're getting is we're just doing this five-minute segment where we're like, dude, you couldn't come to work

Speaker 109 on a Thursday?

Speaker 7 On a Thursday at noon?

Speaker 137 It was 2 p.m.

Speaker 4 I thought we were doing it at 2 p.m.

Speaker 68 I don't know whoever said that.

Speaker 61 Wait, wait, when you said it, what time do you usually come to work?

Speaker 54 It's 2 p.m.

Speaker 22 What are you talking about? What was 2 p.m.?

Speaker 113 I mean, okay.

Speaker 132 I have no excuses.

Speaker 206 There it is.

Speaker 96 Hey!

Speaker 146 You're not getting the emoji.

Speaker 202 There we go. The emoji's already gone.

Speaker 186 I don't want to take all the emojis.

Speaker 64 Billy, let me ask you an honest question.

Speaker 44 Sorry. I am sorry.

Speaker 60 Do you think that you are at a place in your life where you can handle the freedom of going to Nashville next weekend?

Speaker 57 Be honest.

Speaker 211 Yes.

Speaker 61 Oh, come on.

Speaker 183 You should have said no there.

Speaker 9 I would have given you an emoji for for honesty if you said no.

Speaker 23 I cannot

Speaker 131 because

Speaker 185 the thing is, past couple of days, been entertaining a lot of clients.

Speaker 123 And wait, what?

Speaker 71 What are you in sales now?

Speaker 54 What the fuck?

Speaker 195 Entertaining what?

Speaker 188 Clients? Who's a client?

Speaker 183 Name, list the clients, because there was an S on that.

Speaker 199 I would love to hear one client.

Speaker 67 Game time?

Speaker 23 Oh, Arian. Arian's a client.

Speaker 68 Wait, wait, game time.

Speaker 18 No, because they give you a free ticket doesn't mean that you're entertaining.

Speaker 53 That's not how that works.

Speaker 205 They're actually entertaining you.

Speaker 34 Yeah.

Speaker 149 Yeah. And I don't think you were with that.

Speaker 109 You just went to a game.

Speaker 127 Like, I don't think you were with.

Speaker 24 No, he, no, he wasn't.

Speaker 27 He went to a game.

Speaker 54 So that was entertaining game time.

Speaker 183 It's basically like when you, Billy thinks that when he drinks 15 Coors Light on Friday night, he's like, well, I'm entertaining Coors Light.

Speaker 66 I'm a client.

Speaker 86 Yeah, I'm at a big ag partner dinner tonight.

Speaker 40 Billy, you're literally sitting and drinking beers on your couch.

Speaker 28 I'm doing work, guys. It's content.

Speaker 64 It's fine. I'm actually not mad.

Speaker 51 I'm just more, it is, like I said, I'm happy that it happened so that it can be an illustration to our audience who sometimes thinks PFT and Hank and I are too hard on you.

Speaker 27 It's like, actually, we're very easy on you when it all comes down to it because I'm not, you're not in trouble.

Speaker 1 It's just,

Speaker 9 it's just very funny that you couldn't show up to work.

Speaker 138 The thing is, like, I like, this is like, I took a shower.

Speaker 61 Like, oh, okay. Awesome.

Speaker 54 Now we're, yeah, progress.

Speaker 149 I got up like at 10, 30, 11, like being like, okay, okay, take a shower, get like going to work.

Speaker 45 And then it was like, oh, shit, we're recording at 12.

Speaker 109 And I was like, fuck.

Speaker 18 Okay, so you got up and everything, and you even took a shower before you were even supposed to be at work.

Speaker 190 So technically, you were early.

Speaker 109 I'm sure there's plenty of AWLs who can relate to waking up for work at 10.30 and 11. And they're like, this is, no, this is cool.

Speaker 28 Also, also, just want to throw that out there that PFT, you know, usually how this podcast works,

Speaker 1 as much as we think we, people think we don't have our shit together, we'll share on the text chain, like, hey, what's the schedule tomorrow?

Speaker 39 Let's just fill each other in.

Speaker 183 PFT at 5:42 p.m.

Speaker 9 last night.

Speaker 35 So that's fairly early. That's not like late breaking news.

Speaker 64 Texted the group.

Speaker 50 So noon tomorrow for Firefest for Stapp and Perez at 3.

Speaker 13 Started the show via Zoom after the game.

Speaker 91 And everyone laid out a lot of that.

Speaker 61 Nice little teaser. Nice little teaser.

Speaker 68 Yeah, that is.

Speaker 86 Yeah, that is.

Speaker 36 But that was all laid out.

Speaker 1 And everyone was like, yep, that's perfect. Let's do it.

Speaker 9 Minus Billy.

Speaker 23 Yeah, dude.

Speaker 44 Ping a big L. Billy.

Speaker 7 This is the full send Billy.

Speaker 28 I'm so excited.

Speaker 184 This, look,

Speaker 10 you guys are going to hear it and you're going to be like, whoa.

Speaker 194 But.

Speaker 24 Will we know what it is?

Speaker 34 Yes. Okay.

Speaker 50 That's a good start.

Speaker 79 Corn.

Speaker 55 Oh, God.

Speaker 219 Corn is a fruit.

Speaker 196 Can you guys beat all that?

Speaker 53 Is it? I'll let Billy say whatever he wants.

Speaker 109 No, that's pretty much. I'm going on the graphic.

Speaker 27 I think it's a corn vegetable.

Speaker 10 Corn is a fruit.

Speaker 170 It's

Speaker 170 a vegetable.

Speaker 219 If you look it up, corn is a fruit.

Speaker 10 It has fruit qualities.

Speaker 35 Wait, that doesn't mean it's a fruit.

Speaker 191 Fruit.

Speaker 177 No, it has qualities of a fruit.

Speaker 41 It's fruit curious. Yeah.

Speaker 10 No, no, it has.

Speaker 55 So the kernels, corn,

Speaker 109 are

Speaker 95 fruit.

Speaker 86 Isn't it a grain?

Speaker 212 The first question.

Speaker 118 It's got to be a grain.

Speaker 29 So the first question on Google is, why is corn not a fruit an ear of corn is not technically a fruit instead each kernel is a fruit exactly but that's not so you're taking one kernel one single kernel of corn it's like a single hornet yeah no

Speaker 61 one single plants so taking one strawberry one yeah

Speaker 44 no yeah so we're taking a strawberry no if you had a taste test but remember remember you're taking a kernel but you only eat kernels of corn.

Speaker 59 No, no, no, no.

Speaker 54 You don't eat corn.

Speaker 99 No, if we did, if we if we put this all out in the kitchen and we said, here is everything, you get one cantaloupe, you get one blueberry you get one strawberry you get one nectarine and you get one kernel of corn there's kernels of corn that are bigger than one blueberry okay that's fine but you still like blueberry has a lot of taste in it corn does not have corn is very sweet they're a great band too butter i love corn corn i am fruit i don't know you can eat multiple corn all right so you guys vetoed it so we're going with that no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no he gets a single kernel of corn i know you might be out there and you might be like me and not really like fruit but love corn.

Speaker 219 And you're going to vote for Team Jilly because of corn. And there's some of you who might just love corn in general.

Speaker 44 What are you talking to?

Speaker 219 I'm talking to the corn lovers of America.

Speaker 54 Vote for us.

Speaker 70 Trist got your vote.

Speaker 217 Bring Team Jilly to our first W this season because of corn.

Speaker 87 No, we have a class every time.

Speaker 70 But corn will bring us there.

Speaker 202 Trust in corn.

Speaker 71 Okay.

Speaker 191 So a single kernel of corn is going on in the Mount Rush.

Speaker 54 No, no, corn. It's just corn.
Yes. No.

Speaker 183 Corn is what I just say.

Speaker 202 You're scared of corn.

Speaker 217 No, no, no, no. You are scared of corn.

Speaker 193 Corn is actually a vegetable.

Speaker 35 That's what it says.

Speaker 142 And then a single kernel of corn is a corner.

Speaker 218 So that's like saying the stalk of a strawberry is a vegetable.

Speaker 127 What? No.

Speaker 18 You said you get the strawberry.

Speaker 13 No, no, no.

Speaker 64 But when, no, the corn is a vegetable.

Speaker 61 No, no. The kernel is a fruit.

Speaker 54 Corn is a fruit.

Speaker 126 Great pick.

Speaker 151 Corn. Great pick, Billy.

Speaker 65 I think it's a good pick. On the graphic, four letters.

Speaker 202 COVID.

Speaker 54 Single kernel.

Speaker 202 K-O backwards R-N.

Speaker 41 Yeah.

Speaker 57 We'll do that.

Speaker 18 If you put corn, the band on there, you might actually get more votes.

Speaker 59 Yeah,

Speaker 59 I'm down with that.

Speaker 24 Corn.

Speaker 183 If you ask someone, like, can you pick up some fruits at the grocery store?

Speaker 64 You think anyone calls Zack of Corn?

Speaker 183 In Billy's defense, sweet corn is really good.

Speaker 202 Corn?

Speaker 179 I noticed.

Speaker 25 You're scared of corn.

Speaker 58 Corn is one of my favorite foods of all time.

Speaker 54 I'm not corn.

Speaker 23 Corn is not wood.

Speaker 127 It's not fruit. No, I know.

Speaker 219 You're scared of corn on there because corn might win.

Speaker 28 I'm shaking him. Bill Murray gift.
Okay.

Speaker 30 Why did we have that big knockdown drag out earlier about tomatoes?

Speaker 4 If you guys didn't even pick them.

Speaker 136 Well, I was.

Speaker 70 And you were going to eat corn instead.

Speaker 54 Yeah.

Speaker 212 Hank, what's in that bag?

Speaker 66 Let's take a look.

Speaker 82 You got it. What's in that bag?

Speaker 209 Well, why don't we end the show?

Speaker 79 Oh.

Speaker 54 Oh, it's a part of my cheesesteak.

Speaker 159 Oh, wow.

Speaker 64 Who are part of my cheesesteak at this hour?

Speaker 99 They were just lying around the office.

Speaker 183 Oh, okay. Great.

Speaker 13 So, anyone's supposed to eat one?

Speaker 33 I think Billy lost a bet to White Sox Dave tonight.

Speaker 23 Oh, you know what, Hank?

Speaker 33 We got to get the hot sauce.

Speaker 54 Oh,

Speaker 44 where is it?

Speaker 30 I think it's out on the couch.

Speaker 25 Okay, let's go get it.

Speaker 72 Yeah, let's have a bite.

Speaker 89 We'll just have a bite.

Speaker 199 Yeah, we'll just eat some of the stuff. Let's have a bite.

Speaker 179 So, let's have a bite.

Speaker 16 As we wait for Hank to get back, so Billy and White Sox Dave had a contest, and Billy was on the side of the Commanders.

Speaker 18 White Sox Dave obviously

Speaker 140 was on the side of the Bears, and whichever team

Speaker 14 scored first, whichever team scored first, the other guy had to eat a part of my cheesesteak with Sean Evans Hot One Hot Sauce that's got, I think it's the 10 out of 10 spiciness.

Speaker 16 So, Sean is actually, he's a friend of ours, and he said, because he's very excited to watch you eat this, Billy, he loves you.

Speaker 14 If it's a good sandwich, then we could maybe do a secret menu with Sean Evans, which would be, I mean, that's a good business opportunity for you.

Speaker 16 So, I hope that you're able to eat this.

Speaker 20 Could mean a lot of money, Billy.

Speaker 13 By the way, I don't like the orange helmets.

Speaker 9 Maybe if they had won, I would like them.

Speaker 121 That's kind of how it goes. Yeah.

Speaker 89 Can we call it timeout here?

Speaker 54 Okay, timeout. Okay, timeout.
We're holding out 20 seconds.

Speaker 64 You get 20 second timeout.

Speaker 28 20 second timeout.

Speaker 44 I'm taking a full.

Speaker 56 Okay, full. Sorry.

Speaker 12 You get a minute.

Speaker 27 You get a minute timeout.

Speaker 217 This was supposed to be for the stream.

Speaker 18 This is a stream of sorts.

Speaker 209 So if White Sox Dave.

Speaker 217 If White Sox Dave would have lost, he wouldn't have had to do it.

Speaker 6 He would have gone home.

Speaker 87 Oh, no, he would have done it.

Speaker 73 No, no, you did have to do it.

Speaker 54 That guy does everything.

Speaker 34 No, he doesn't.

Speaker 28 All right.

Speaker 29 I'm telling you right now, if we could go back in time and change it so that the commander scored first, I would make White Sox Dave do it.

Speaker 196 Billy, we got this

Speaker 81 third quarter. We were just holding it for after.

Speaker 109 We would have done it to him on the stream. I know you're trying to come up with a fan.

Speaker 141 Show me your sheets.

Speaker 141 Show me your sheets.

Speaker 224 Yeah, yeah, motherfuckers.

Speaker 54 Billy, are you just.

Speaker 73 Dave getting fucking punked on the shit.

Speaker 54 Are you just

Speaker 128 like, you guys think I'm an idiot?

Speaker 1 Well, White Sox Dave did beat you in the Wonderlick.

Speaker 54 Yeah, 10.17.

Speaker 86 Okay, but still, that is.

Speaker 86 Wait, that is the third quarter.

Speaker 6 That's the third quarter.

Speaker 135 10.30.

Speaker 98 Uh-uh-oh.

Speaker 64 That's the third quarter. It's 11.45 right now.

Speaker 30 I hate getting punked by Billy all the time.

Speaker 159 What the fuck is this?

Speaker 35 Hey, what the hell is this?

Speaker 136 Billy, why can't you ever just do something without?

Speaker 71 I do every fucking thing.

Speaker 6 Like, what the fuck?

Speaker 42 Okay, you don't have to eat the entire sandwich.

Speaker 177 It's just, like,

Speaker 45 just Billy, give me...

Speaker 217 How does putting tons of hot sauce advertise for the fucking cheesesteak?

Speaker 24 Because they're like, I'm going to not like it with all the hot sauce.

Speaker 6 I don't know.

Speaker 36 Because you belittled our franchises, now I want to see you do it.

Speaker 43 Just give me three bites.

Speaker 16 You don't have to eat the entire thing. Just three bites.

Speaker 128 I'll take a bite. Billy, I'll take a bite too, okay?

Speaker 218 How much hot sauce are we putting on it?

Speaker 152 Will you call me a bottle?

Speaker 27 I'm going to take a bite, but I'm on a diet because Hank called me a fat fuck.

Speaker 185 Like, because I'm going to probably not be able to sleep tonight because I ate fucking hot sauce, and that's going gonna be like fucking it's just annoying now.

Speaker 18 Billy's gonna be like you're giving me mental illness from having to do this.

Speaker 42 Yes, eating the fucking hottest sauce ever.

Speaker 128 I just told you I'd take a bite.

Speaker 146 Why can't you just do something? I'll smell it.

Speaker 125 You can do everything.

Speaker 125 Oh,

Speaker 54 I'm actually hungry, too.

Speaker 41 Yeah, so eat it.

Speaker 35 So eat it.

Speaker 24 I will eat it, but like, how.

Speaker 209 Just take, take three bites.

Speaker 53 I'll take one bite, okay?

Speaker 24 No, I'm going to eat it, but it's...

Speaker 86 I'll take a bite.

Speaker 180 I'll take a bite. Am I supposed to put hot sauce on it?

Speaker 188 Yes.

Speaker 202 Billy, what are you talking about? Don't receive it.

Speaker 71 No, but there's no hot sauce on it.

Speaker 202 Do you want me to eat it? Billy, there's hot sauce right next to you. Are you...
What are we doing here?

Speaker 155 Are you being serious? What are we doing here?

Speaker 221 See how easy it is to take a bite?

Speaker 155 No, because there's no hot sauce on it.

Speaker 180 That's not the point. I was so easy.

Speaker 34 Take a bite.

Speaker 90 Billy, give me the hot sauce.

Speaker 71 All right, now put your hot sauce on.

Speaker 161 Give me the hot sauce.

Speaker 90 Sometimes I think you don't speak English.

Speaker 152 You just took a bite.

Speaker 155 No hot sauce. Okay.

Speaker 186 I said I would take a bite.

Speaker 8 I didn't say anything about hot sauce.

Speaker 14 I will take a bite with hot sauce.

Speaker 159 My team lost.

Speaker 54 Okay.

Speaker 157 Boom. That's it.

Speaker 35 Here comes the bite.

Speaker 40 And he took the bite.

Speaker 155 Wait, when we originally talked about this, there was going to be dousing it in hot sauce.

Speaker 34 He feels good.

Speaker 45 That's really good.

Speaker 143 He looks good.

Speaker 36 He feels good.

Speaker 155 So that's how much I can put on?

Speaker 179 That's how much I can put on.

Speaker 54 I can get to three bites.

Speaker 41 Now do you feel that?

Speaker 86 I know I'm looking unreasonable, but this is.

Speaker 127 No, no, no, no,

Speaker 126 way undersold.

Speaker 177 This is way oversold.

Speaker 128 I just took a bite.

Speaker 81 Who sold anything?

Speaker 24 Nobody.

Speaker 54 Will you stop me?

Speaker 54 I'm not.

Speaker 188 Stop me.

Speaker 40 Billy, will you stop talking and give me your sandwich?

Speaker 124 Because you're about to douse in hot sauce.

Speaker 124 This is so stupid.

Speaker 72 I love it. We're sick of it.

Speaker 58 Will you stop talking?

Speaker 144 Billy, stop talking.

Speaker 177 I don't want to hear you talk ever again.

Speaker 109 We thought Billy got over his fear of food and getting conquered by food in Colorado. You can't do it.

Speaker 79 There you go.

Speaker 11 Yeah, that's a little bit. See that?

Speaker 54 Oh, Billy.

Speaker 22 That's three bites worth.

Speaker 57 PFT ate it. I did eat it.

Speaker 22 I'm actually going to take another bite with more hot sauce, okay?

Speaker 54 Oh, whoa.

Speaker 34 He's just doing this for sport now.

Speaker 6 He's showing you up. Stupid.

Speaker 30 Okay, I'm just putting more hot sauce on it and doing this because I'm a man.

Speaker 116 Mm-hmm.

Speaker 116 Wow.

Speaker 28 He's showing you up.

Speaker 159 Alright.

Speaker 116 Oh my god.

Speaker 218 How are you? Be careful. Be careful.

Speaker 144 Be careful. Be careful.
Stop talking.

Speaker 70 This is your idea. Stop talking.

Speaker 53 Yes.

Speaker 18 My idea is you to eat the sandwich, not talk to me about eating the sandwich.

Speaker 86 Billy, be careful.

Speaker 17 Watch me. I'll take a bite.

Speaker 209 You're all taking bites.

Speaker 217 You're all taking bites of sandwiches without hot sauce in it.

Speaker 87 Not me.

Speaker 90 I just ate three bites in your face.

Speaker 86 Take a bite.

Speaker 27 Hank just took a bite.

Speaker 9 Wow. What a beast.

Speaker 40 Hank's a beast.

Speaker 105 I just took a bite.

Speaker 105 You know what?

Speaker 152 Billy, I'm going to eat your half house.

Speaker 204 How mad are you? How mad are you?

Speaker 24 How mad are you?

Speaker 155 You literally volunteered me for something to put tons of hot sauce on it.

Speaker 223 Why are you so mad?

Speaker 177 Why are you so mad?

Speaker 124 Because I'm about to do it. I'm about to do it.

Speaker 124 I'm about to do it.

Speaker 6 Billy. I'm about to do it.
You got to eat it.

Speaker 23 Give me your sandwich.

Speaker 177 I'm going to have to eat it because you won't shut the fuck up.

Speaker 50 All right, let's kick it to ourselves.

Speaker 8 Weekend preview because he's not going to eat it.

Speaker 53 So it doesn't matter.

Speaker 54 He's not going to eat it.

Speaker 44 Do you want to play off baseball quickly?

Speaker 54 What? Playoff baseball quickly. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 87 Yeah, give us a little playoff baseball.

Speaker 86 Jake, give us a little playoff baseball.

Speaker 25 Division series.

Speaker 196 Aron Alvarez, very good. Really good.

Speaker 54 Monster.

Speaker 196 Walk off in game one.

Speaker 59 Another one in game two.

Speaker 78 There is some love.

Speaker 54 Monster.

Speaker 60 The Padres steal one in LA. Yep.

Speaker 59 1-1. Oh, yep.

Speaker 54 Oh, the goose.

Speaker 86 Taking a bite.

Speaker 57 The goose landing on the field.

Speaker 196 Or even in the Battle of the Analysis between Atlanta and Philadelphia, and the Yankees got reigned out. So, by the time you're listening to this, it'll be game two in the afternoon.

Speaker 196 Yankees looking to go up to Love over Cleveland.

Speaker 11 That's two love. All right.

Speaker 86 Thank you, Jake.

Speaker 18 Hey, Billy, that was the wrong side of the sandwich. You just took a bite at.

Speaker 159 Yeah, fucking eating the bread. Hot.

Speaker 50 Okay. It's not that hot.
We'll kick it to ourselves.

Speaker 183 Watch PM TV.

Speaker 22 You can watch the rest of it.

Speaker 86 It's not that fucking hot.

Speaker 111 Because I'm sure it will keep going on for a few minutes.

Speaker 9 Anything else from game four that we miss that we need to talk about?

Speaker 71 What, what?

Speaker 46 Like,

Speaker 118 what does

Speaker 109 what do you need to see starting a grammatical lesson?

Speaker 67 Oh, really? About what? I hate that.

Speaker 9 I uh I tweeted

Speaker 109 fucking a man.

Speaker 105 Oh.

Speaker 109 Didn't use a comma. So yeah, I was like,

Speaker 109 I went back to my Twitter. Like, it was, it was just a live tweet like during a commercial or something.

Speaker 87 I was fucking a man.

Speaker 109 And didn't even look at it till after the game. And then I was looking, you know, it's like replies, 20 replies, 30 replies.
And then fucking a man had like 300.

Speaker 54 That's perfect.

Speaker 14 You're such a good ally.

Speaker 32 Love is love.

Speaker 72 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 202 It's Pride Month.

Speaker 187 I do think the Celtics plus three and a half is a good bet on Monday night.

Speaker 22 Me too. I like it.
It might look stupid.

Speaker 136 So, I mean, if the Celtics have never, they haven't lost this postseason following the loss.

Speaker 60 They haven't lost two straight, that would mean that they will win the championship.

Speaker 4 Correct. In seven.

Speaker 80 Numbers never lie.

Speaker 152 One fiction.

Speaker 13 They have won two in a row, so they could win two in a row.

Speaker 54 Facts. Win in six.

Speaker 64 And you are going to be sitting on the wood for game six, which actually makes Monday night like the most pressure-packed game of your life because you can then go and sit on the wood for possibly a championship.

Speaker 52 Yeah, and

Speaker 183 you'd be in like the trophy presentation.

Speaker 109 Let's just not even talk about it. Let's just focus on tonight.
No, we'll focus on tonight.

Speaker 24 Clearly, you've thought about it.

Speaker 27 You've thought about looking up and seeing confetti.

Speaker 18 You're going to get on the court. You're going to have a net draped around your neck.

Speaker 109 I'm concerned with how much I've thought about it.

Speaker 85 Yes.

Speaker 186 Do you think they'll let you give a speech?

Speaker 109 Maybe not. I mean, not like your speech at Wisconsin, but

Speaker 52 I'm not going to talk about it publicly.

Speaker 109 I have thought about it. I drove home today.
I mean, I had a five-hour drive home today.

Speaker 6 You're right.

Speaker 9 So, you were thinking, like, all right, what am I going to say here?

Speaker 109 Not say it, but just like, yeah, no, I'm not even going to talk about it.

Speaker 136 Go back to the fucking a man tweet.

Speaker 18 Did you capitalize the letter A?

Speaker 22 No.

Speaker 72 Oh, no, that's even worse.

Speaker 6 So you really were fucking a man.

Speaker 109 Yeah, according to my that was my update. That was my Twitter update in like the third quarter or fourth quarter.
It was probably after Steph, like kind of after Steph did something.

Speaker 32 It was after my first Steph Woe.

Speaker 14 This might sound like I should know, I should know the answer to this question already, but what does fucking A mean?

Speaker 219 I'm looking it up right now.

Speaker 146 Is it just from like British people being like, fucking hell?

Speaker 45 What is it? I just go.

Speaker 31 Did you type fucking Amanda?

Speaker 71 I bet they commented.

Speaker 42 Come on, Billy.

Speaker 136 What does fucking A mean?

Speaker 34 It's okay.

Speaker 1 Where does it come from? Fucking A.

Speaker 18 Because I think British people would always be like, fucking L.

Speaker 226 Oh, it's U.S.

Speaker 10 slang, vulgar, an expression of triumph or joy, usually in response to an unexpected good news, comes from the military saying affirmative, which was said by soldiers in the heat of battle as fucking affirmative, which was later shortened to fucking A.

Speaker 125 However, over the years,

Speaker 10 the meaning of this phrase has been changed. It is now used to express something as good.

Speaker 109 This is a double negative. Yeah.
I didn't even use it correctly.

Speaker 128 Twice.

Speaker 18 I think you can also use it to be like, ah, shit.

Speaker 22 It could just be like shit.

Speaker 44 That's what I was going for. Yeah, it could be.
Fucking A.

Speaker 18 Listen, language evolves over the years.

Speaker 109 Fucking A, man.

Speaker 20 Fucking A, man.

Speaker 10 Yeah, so it's like,

Speaker 25 did our bunker get bombs?

Speaker 59 Yeah.

Speaker 219 Fucking affirmative. Yeah.

Speaker 27 I missed it. I was fucking a man.

Speaker 13 That kind of thing.

Speaker 4 I was sitting minding my own business at home on Monday night.

Speaker 1 I was actually putting my kids to sleep, and I get a text message.

Speaker 109 You're a father?

Speaker 35 Yeah, I'm a father, too.

Speaker 28 And I got bothered by you, Hank.

Speaker 9 With this text message.

Speaker 109 Sorry to your one kid.

Speaker 122 That's two.

Speaker 7 Trolling me. My bad.
Well, actually, it's three.

Speaker 1 Hank's Billy and you, too, because now I have to worry about what you're going to text to everyone.

Speaker 44 So four.

Speaker 121 This is Hank lashing out right now. Oh, big time.

Speaker 196 This is about to get contentious. I don't like that.

Speaker 59 Oh, no.

Speaker 6 Yeah, Jake's nervous.

Speaker 40 So there was a text message thread that Caleb, our great colleague Caleb, started six years ago at the Super Bowl.

Speaker 65 It was me, Caleb, Dave, Gaz, and Hank.

Speaker 34 We were at the Super Bowl.

Speaker 9 I think it was probably after a late night of drinking.

Speaker 99 It was 3.23 in the morning.

Speaker 29 He texted everyone, good night, fam.

Speaker 9 I texted one love because I love you guys.

Speaker 99 Name the group. Name the group, Fam.

Speaker 28 Flash, no text messages on that group chain for six years. Flash forward to last night.

Speaker 194 And Hank sends us a picture of

Speaker 1 just a sweaty face staring deep into our souls.

Speaker 16 His sweaty face.

Speaker 99 And it says F45 day one check mark.

Speaker 99 And we're all like, huh?

Speaker 13 And I actually didn't even, I looked at it, I was like, oh, this is weird.

Speaker 1 And then I just kept on doing what I was doing.

Speaker 29 And then an hour later, Hank was like, whoops, I meant to send this to my family.

Speaker 99 And

Speaker 101 since then, yeah, it's pretty much the worst people you could ever send a text message to.

Speaker 4 Me, Dave, and Gaz.

Speaker 1 The internet has memed you.

Speaker 99 And

Speaker 99 I'm uncomfortable with you in the room.

Speaker 29 I submitted an HR complaint because you snitched unsolicited.

Speaker 86 That's a situation.

Speaker 64 Because you're my boss now.

Speaker 88 I'm not.

Speaker 57 And you work on the third floor, and the power structure.

Speaker 6 The power structure is so off that you send me.

Speaker 80 There is no power structure.

Speaker 57 You literally nothing has changed.

Speaker 42 You sit on top of us.

Speaker 33 Yeah,

Speaker 183 you sent me a picture that made me feel uncomfortable, and then you tried to silence me by calling me a snitch.

Speaker 209 That's fucked up.

Speaker 23 It is a snitch

Speaker 92 word.

Speaker 18 I did because you turned him into HR.

Speaker 16 You saw that on the streets.

Speaker 40 When I turned him into HR, I actually just went upstairs.

Speaker 9 I was like, where's HR? And they just pointed in the corner.

Speaker 37 And I just said out loud, I'd like to file a complaint against Hank, and then walk back downstairs.

Speaker 121 Hank does sit in the corner office upstairs.

Speaker 109 No, I sit with HR, so I took the complaint and just fucking

Speaker 209 control it.

Speaker 101 This is the power structure.

Speaker 18 This is corruption all the way down.

Speaker 70 So, Hank,

Speaker 9 I'm uncomfortable being around you, but I guess I have to power through.

Speaker 7 Credit to me.

Speaker 1 I feel like you should be supporting me.

Speaker 109 I don't know. Like, again, like.

Speaker 1 No, I don't want that picture.

Speaker 109 Caleb, I blame, I'd say 48% of the blame is on Caleb. 48% of the blame is on Loud Sean for spiking my phone, which forced me to get a new one, which when I turned it on,

Speaker 109 all the messages repopulated, but only from Saturday night. Like it was like, that was the last time my cloud updated, which was no, who cares? Like, it was a day's worth of meaningless text messages.

Speaker 109 But this group text, the PMT group text, my friends from home. And my family group text didn't show up.
And I was like, whatever, new phone, new phone blues.

Speaker 109 I texted this group literally just to make sure

Speaker 109 things were going through.

Speaker 109 And then, yeah, I worked out. Again, new phone.
So, I was sweating and I didn't think the flash was on. Like, I'm not used to my flash on my selfies.
It's a shocking picture.

Speaker 109 So, I typed in fam because that's what my family group text is called. And I don't know, I'm again, I wasn't factoring in this fucking Super Bowl crew from six years ago.

Speaker 34 Typed in FAM.

Speaker 165 You say that, like, that's your fam.

Speaker 121 It's not my fam. Yeah, it is.

Speaker 34 You know what I mean? It's not.

Speaker 32 That fam was the first time I ever hung out with the company as a whole.

Speaker 30 I remember.

Speaker 202 You know what?

Speaker 30 That was probably post-second slices at the House of Prime Rip.

Speaker 7 Yeah, House of Prime Rip.

Speaker 126 And

Speaker 40 that's your family.

Speaker 59 Or your

Speaker 59 family.

Speaker 99 And you just...

Speaker 1 I mean, I'm just, I don't know. The best was that Hank texted me after.

Speaker 23 Either way,

Speaker 109 I went back and texted, and when I realized that it was those three, I pretty much

Speaker 109 got paralyzed.

Speaker 129 He said embarrassment. Yeah, he said.

Speaker 109 Once I realized it was Gaz.

Speaker 109 I said it earlier,

Speaker 109 if it was maybe Caleb and Big Cat, you probably would have posted it, but maybe you wouldn't have, or like, I could have

Speaker 54 150, yeah.

Speaker 109 Gaz probably definitely would have.

Speaker 109 Dave probably wouldn't have just because he wouldn't have known what was going on, and like Caleb wouldn't have, like, but the fact that it was all three of you just, like, piling each other on was just, I knew it was, it was no shock.

Speaker 1 Hank sent me a text after he's like, I haven't felt like this in a really long time. And it just made me so happy because, like, this guy, he's been promoted to vice president of Barstool Sports.

Speaker 54 He's literally our boss.

Speaker 177 Executive vice president.

Speaker 36 And he's still, but it's nice because we can do like a throwback 2014.

Speaker 51 Hank embarrasses himself.

Speaker 12 Just when you thought that the suit had gotten, you know, you'd graduated.

Speaker 14 I don't think it was anything to be embarrassed.

Speaker 22 I thought you looked good.

Speaker 90 You looked like you were in shape.

Speaker 72 Or it's just such a weird picture to night.

Speaker 54 I was scared.

Speaker 58 Like, it wasn't like I wasn't thinking, like, when you take a selfie, sometimes you take a picture, and I don't know, again, I don't know what I was thinking.

Speaker 109 I don't know what I was doing. I thought I was sending it to my flesh and blood.
Yeah, so that actually turning and sending it to literally.

Speaker 54 Would they have been as scared as I was?

Speaker 66 That was my biggest thing.

Speaker 72 That would have been like, yes, Hank.

Speaker 54 Good job. How was it?

Speaker 23 Like, I love it.

Speaker 136 I understand how it's here's me playing paddle tennis.

Speaker 54 I understand how it's going to be.

Speaker 44 It's a word score.

Speaker 54 It's like, just it's family shit. It's not like,

Speaker 109 and I don't, I don't really drop in that much. Like, it's, I'm probably the least active.

Speaker 109 Never do it again. They're kind of like, you know, why don't you ever update us? And I'm like, I don't really have much update.
I'm like, oh, I worked out.

Speaker 126 Like, here we go.

Speaker 85 Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today,

Speaker 36 Saturday, April 2nd, 11:20 p.m.

Speaker 36 in the city of New Orleans.

Speaker 4 and Coach Mike Shaszzewski is dead.

Speaker 31 R.I.P. Coach.
Dead.

Speaker 67 He had a hell of a run.

Speaker 31 No one can take that away from you, but you're dead. So you're not listening to this right now.

Speaker 31 I want to take the high road, if I could.

Speaker 36 Unlike Duke, who didn't shake hands.

Speaker 31 Unlike Coach K's grandson, who would take the drunk road.

Speaker 13 Yeah.

Speaker 86 Oh, he won an award, though.

Speaker 35 That wasn't rigged.

Speaker 31 So I want to take the high road for a brief second and just say that tonight's basketball game was an incredible game.

Speaker 31 We were lucky to see it in person.

Speaker 34 Instant Classic.

Speaker 11 It was an all-time game.

Speaker 31 We're going to see it probably forever.

Speaker 81 Ever.

Speaker 31 I would actually imagine that this will be the most replayed game of Coach Mike Szyzzewski's career.

Speaker 183 It might bring back ESPN Classic as a TV station just to play this.

Speaker 31 It was a great game. It was fantastic.

Speaker 31 It was, you know, it was two heavyweights. They're separated by less than 10 miles.
North Carolina, Tobacco Road.

Speaker 85 Wait, but they've met before.

Speaker 31 They've never played in the NCAA tournament. It was...

Speaker 31 So, Big Cat, I don't know if you remember this, but a few weeks ago, Coach K's final night at Cameron Indoor Stadium, he played against UNC.

Speaker 126 Yep, I do remember.

Speaker 31 And they schlacked him.

Speaker 28 Yep, I do remember. That was bad.

Speaker 31 And then tonight, UNC beat Duke again.

Speaker 205 He screamed at the kids.

Speaker 31 He screamed at the kids. It was, listen, it was a great game to watch.
Credit to UNC. They were all over the offensive boards all night long.
They seemed to want it a little bit more.

Speaker 31 Coach K tried to work his magic with the refs.

Speaker 18 Didn't work.

Speaker 31 The better team tonight won. I think we could all say that, but we can also say that

Speaker 31 we're going to miss Coach K.

Speaker 3 He's dead. He's deceased.

Speaker 13 His legacy is tarnished forever.

Speaker 36 It can't get worse than what happened.

Speaker 7 Well, and you're right.

Speaker 3 You're right. It's over.

Speaker 34 Hard work pays off and dreams come true.

Speaker 36 Everyone who worked their ass off to make this possible, most notably the UNC basketball team, but everyone else who hates Duke and we gave them a voice, it happened.

Speaker 24 The witch is dead.

Speaker 28 Ding-dong, the witch is dead.

Speaker 31 I want to give you personally, big cat, a gold medal.

Speaker 54 Thank you, I appreciate it.

Speaker 31 In the hater Olympics.

Speaker 31 You are the GOAT hater right now. Tonight is your night to celebrate.

Speaker 31 I also do think, though, that tonight is Roy Williams' night to celebrate for walking away at the right time, naming a worthy successor instead of taking a year where he had to have everybody go around and deep throat his cock and make love to him every single night.

Speaker 31 He did not do that.

Speaker 31 He picked a good coach to take over for him. And guess what?

Speaker 31 I actually think that tonight's victory over Duke is the final feather in the cap for Roy Williams being a better head coach in the state of North Carolina than Mike Shaszewski was.

Speaker 15 in the last 20 years.

Speaker 64 And it's the Roy Williams final because it's Kansas first UNC.

Speaker 35 So I had two thoughts and we have Hank here.

Speaker 36 We're going to get get to him in a second.

Speaker 163 I had two thoughts that are crazy thoughts, but both like, I actually gave some, like, oh, this could happen.

Speaker 7 One was this morning when I woke up.

Speaker 36 I've been living in so much Duke and Coach K hate. It's been consuming me for basically the entire month.

Speaker 36 And I thought to myself, do you think if I started a serial type podcast and I did enough investigative journalism, I could make, I could get Coach K in imprisoned for life?

Speaker 7 And I was like, that could actually happen.

Speaker 36 And then my second thought was:

Speaker 36 there's like a 2% chance that UNC puts a statue up of me in Chapel Hill.

Speaker 24 I'm not going to rule it out.

Speaker 36 I'm not going to be a total narcissist and say it's definitely going to happen. But let's just say if I got a phone call in the next year and they're like, hey, thank you for your service.

Speaker 7 Cause like I, I did like six tours in the last week.

Speaker 57 I'm like handing out KS.

Speaker 118 I'm like, Coach K, handing out, I was, I was getting in a fight with a Duke fan on the way out.

Speaker 36 He was going, act like you've been here.

Speaker 141 Show some class.

Speaker 64 And I was just doing the crying face to him.

Speaker 54 And I was like, ooh,

Speaker 58 your team lost.

Speaker 34 And it was, it was the

Speaker 126 childish.

Speaker 54 Oh, wait, wait, wait, Hank.

Speaker 31 Hank, we'll get to you in a second.

Speaker 86 Hank, we'll get to you in a second.

Speaker 183 Can I just say,

Speaker 36 my guy, Henry Lockwood, and I've been with him for many, many years and many ups and downs.

Speaker 207 This guy, Hank, he knows ball.

Speaker 24 Because in the first half,

Speaker 54 in the first half, he turned to me and he said, I love Caleb Love.

Speaker 120 He's awesome.

Speaker 31 Okay,

Speaker 205 I'm going to say something nice about Hank.

Speaker 54 You know ball.

Speaker 36 You know ball. Because

Speaker 31 I don't think Hank gets enough credit. If you go back, you look at the tape from 2015.

Speaker 30 It was Wisconsin Duke.

Speaker 7 Yeah.

Speaker 159 Hank.

Speaker 31 kind of swallowed his Duke pride.

Speaker 57 Yeah. And he lost.

Speaker 126 It was a different time.

Speaker 31 He defeated you you graciously yeah in that moment i just want to give hank credit for doing that for doing all the right things but at the same time i also do want to laugh in every duke fan's face there was there was this one duke fan that was sitting the row in front of us tonight uh and he flipped out after the loss was over and he tried to fight a UNC fan that was a row behind us.

Speaker 31 It was the saddest fight that I've ever seen.

Speaker 31 He like halfway punched the guy in the stomach, not even like a full punch, and then like halfway like kind of hit him like in the leg and then got up in his face and was like, I will fight you if you want to fight.

Speaker 27 I will fight you.

Speaker 31 And he was trying to fight him, but he knew because he's probably a lawyer that he could not throw the first real punch that could be construed as battery.

Speaker 31 It was great to see the Duke fans lose tonight. Although, I do want to say, like, it was.

Speaker 199 It was an all-time game.

Speaker 88 Yeah, it really was.

Speaker 36 That was, let's, I mean, it was an all-time game. We can all agree with that.

Speaker 36 Sports are great, and it made it even better that Coach K went out in his legacy is completely ruined, and Duke players didn't shake hands.

Speaker 8 And

Speaker 28 this is what I'll remember about Coach Kay.

Speaker 36 Yeah, and yo, listen, everything he's done in his entire career has been wiped away.

Speaker 7 No, it's okay. So there's nothing left.

Speaker 31 You want to talk about the all-time chokes? I think tonight was an all-time choke.

Speaker 36 Can I tell you something else that I might

Speaker 23 go to?

Speaker 147 Oh, scared.

Speaker 127 Didn't say a word.

Speaker 54 Can I tell you something else that I might do

Speaker 31 in a great plot twist if we're like going season two of this?

Speaker 54 I might season two of what?

Speaker 36 I might root for John Shire to become a better coach than Coach K.

Speaker 36 I might root for John Shire to have like I might root for him to have six titles and to beat UNC in the tournament and like everything to be like John Shire is 10 and like never has moments like the Pete Godette, never has like these terrible moments of Coach K just being a fucking asshole.

Speaker 183 It was just great. I think there's

Speaker 183 North Carolina has one up Duke for eternity and there is nothing eternity.

Speaker 126 Oh John Ross, he just walked in.

Speaker 34 That was a capital E that he put on that. He put some stank on eternity too.

Speaker 28 Sorry, my phone was just playing videos. My bad.

Speaker 31 I think that there's a good chance though that I know what you're saying, Piquette, that it would be nice to have Shire take over and take the program to like an elite level.

Speaker 23 I want him to be really

Speaker 31 want Duke and Duke fans to achieve the greatness that they deserve.

Speaker 31 And I think that John Shire is the guy that can get them to that point but I also think that there's a good chance that if they falter off the stretch you might not have seen the last of Coach Kay

Speaker 36 he might come back well Roy Williams might have to go to Duke and save the program that would be

Speaker 183 so let's let's hear from Hank I let me just set the stage

Speaker 36 on the walkout Hank was just he kept on mumbling to himself this couldn't be worse. This couldn't have gone worse.

Speaker 36 He would like literally, he would start wandering away from me and I'd get get back close to him and I'd just hear him being like, that couldn't have gone worse.

Speaker 71 That couldn't have gone worse.

Speaker 11 And now we've been sitting here getting ready to record and Hank gave me a look.

Speaker 36 Like, and I know you've seen this look, PFT, where he, like, he looked me dead in the eyes and it was just like, I'm going to say some mean shit to you, like, some shit that will like hurt your soul.

Speaker 36 He's going to start playing Cat's Cradle in my face again.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 3 let's don't do that. Yeah, you're going to do that.

Speaker 109 No, I mean, like, you know, maybe you could take a lesson from Coach K. You know, the hair, the gray, what is so good.

Speaker 89 A lot of pictures and videos.

Speaker 58 No, I'm not just saying, I was reviewing some of the tape from tonight, and it's like, whoa,

Speaker 54 who's a silver fox?

Speaker 34 By the way,

Speaker 50 we did have the conversation before this game.

Speaker 36 What would it be to my legacy if Coach K ended up winning the national championship?

Speaker 24 Good thing we don't have to answer that.

Speaker 36 My legacy has never been higher.

Speaker 64 People will, this will be the first line in my obituary.

Speaker 36 I killed Coach K.

Speaker 126 I did. Yeah,

Speaker 126 a vet, a war hero. I killed him.

Speaker 179 Pretty much war hero.

Speaker 66 Sometimes the haters win.

Speaker 54 Yeah.

Speaker 92 Yeah, no, no, but no, no, no, no.

Speaker 67 But there's a lot of people.

Speaker 118 This is the rare time when the haters are the correct side of history.

Speaker 31 Yes, this is like if Ross Perot was president.

Speaker 109 But this is like, there's losses that are bad, and there's losses that the ripple effect. And it's like, trust me, I fucking know big hat.

Speaker 183 Oh, yeah. He kept on saying that.
He goes,

Speaker 28 he's going to have this over my head forever.

Speaker 36 And then as he would say that, another UNC fan would come up and be like, can we get a picture?

Speaker 24 And they'd be like, we did it.

Speaker 57 And I'd be like, we did it.

Speaker 11 So, Hank, like,

Speaker 34 you know, ball, dude.

Speaker 36 You said you're like, my eyes are on Caleb Love.

Speaker 109 Caleb Love. I bet heavily on him against UCLA.
Caleb Presley, one of our good friends, one of my good friends, I was texting him a lot about Caleb Love during the UCLA game. I was like, I love Love.

Speaker 109 I bet on him against Baylor. Love, Love.
Great player. I was, you know, and it was casual in the first half.
We were like just talking, just going back and forth. I was like, Caleb Love,

Speaker 54 great player.

Speaker 86 I put it in the back of my head.

Speaker 23 I was like, fun to watch.

Speaker 36 Hank is probably one of the smartest basketball minds I've ever been around. And he was like, watch out for Caleb Love.
This guy's got big shot potential.

Speaker 34 There was a backback. Well, he just doesn't.

Speaker 185 He has no, he doesn't give a fuck.

Speaker 109 That's what I respect about him is he doesn't, the moment wasn't too big for him because he doesn't care. He just wants to fucking shoot no matter what, what the circumstances are.
He made it.

Speaker 109 Mark Williams.

Speaker 11 There was some

Speaker 89 questionable foul calls. Yes.

Speaker 74 And

Speaker 109 I will say there there was some questionable foul calls, but the real reason they lost was the Mark Williams shooting, missing those two free throws.

Speaker 109 Basically turned the game where it was like they were going from a one-possession game to like a four-point game where it's like you got to play the foul game.

Speaker 109 If you make those two free throws, Caleb Love, 75-7 different games.

Speaker 36 The ball's on him to hit that shot.

Speaker 31 And Baycott with playing on like half a leg.

Speaker 67 Oh, dude, the guys went.

Speaker 30 The guys on this guy.

Speaker 31 I'd be surprised if he was a bad guy.

Speaker 54 That was boss again. If you lost

Speaker 54 incredible.

Speaker 109 If you have a fucking injury timeout where they call a wheelchair and an ambulance on the court, you should have to stick out for more than five seconds because he was back in the game.

Speaker 89 They called the ambulance, and then he walked back in the game one minute later.

Speaker 34 Hank, shut up.

Speaker 115 New Beyond Raw Lid V2.

Speaker 120 GNC's number one pre-workout. Now with harder-hitting energy, an intense mind-body connection.

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Speaker 115 Supercharge your workout with new Beyond Raw Lid V2.

Speaker 141 Available now at GNC and GNC.com.

Speaker 50 Yeah, what was your, what, what went, I mean, for people who don't know, there was just one of those stupid internet rumors that John Cena died from COVID.

Speaker 28 That's got to piss you off a little bit.

Speaker 154 No, no, it doesn't. Honestly, if anything, it just

Speaker 154 when someone see it's weird that you can take a piece of information like that and say stupid internet rumor. I wish I wish more people would have

Speaker 154 a perspective to cross-check and fact check and dive deeper for truthful information because there's so many things out there that might fall into the classification of stupid internet rumors.

Speaker 154 But when it's something as silly as that that we know isn't true now because I'm speaking to you in real time on this show,

Speaker 154 I think it's a nice exercise and to don't believe everything you read.

Speaker 18 Was there a small part of you that wanted to just kind of go along with it for a day just to get some of the tributes out there, just so you can see all the nice things people might say and then be like,

Speaker 154 a small part of me that wanted to end my existence? The answer to that is a resounding no.

Speaker 116 I love the gift of life, and

Speaker 154 I want to have the gift as long as I possibly can.

Speaker 43 So, no, not to end your existence, but to just kind of not say anything about the rumor being fake for a day.

Speaker 115 What?

Speaker 113 And

Speaker 154 where is the good in that?

Speaker 177 I guess people would just be like,

Speaker 154 man i love john cena he's such a great guy remember that time i people would share anecdotes like i would have tweeted remember that time john cena wanted to my belly button man i missed that guy uh i know i know you guys are trying to have some fun i just uh i just lost a really close friend two days ago oh

Speaker 154 no no that's cool so when i say something like that and you take the smile off your face uh loss is a really tough thing and uh trust me i'll joke about a lot of stuff uh especially if you watch peacemaker i'll joke about a ton of stuff.

Speaker 154 But if you're trying to get headline grabs, I don't think especially at this point, at any point, at any point,

Speaker 154 the fragile nature of human life is a headline to grab. So I know what you're trying to do.

Speaker 154 I can't fault you for trying, but in taking a moment to reflect on the passing of a good close friend of mine.

Speaker 154 Man, I just, I see things from a completely different perspective. I just don't think that's the right avenue for me to go down.

Speaker 115 John Cena just fucking threw us through the ring there i'll tell you what let's ask russillo all the questions that we get asked yeah but we'll just redirect them towards him who's the best interview interview you've ever had ryan uh you know what's actually i shared this on the podcast but the bill russell interview that i did in the first year i was ever on the air was one of the coolest things i've ever done because i was nervous as shit i couldn't believe we we only got him because we were promoting some other thing that his his handler was doing so it was rare he never did anything right and so really nervous i'm doing a morning show with a couple other guys in their 20s we barely have any hours under our belts doing this radio show.

Speaker 115 And somehow we end up with him in the interview, which was crazy to begin with. And as soon as the host introduced him, he stopped us and interrupted us.
And we're like, fuck.

Speaker 115 Like, this is going to suck. He's going to be like, who are these idiots?

Speaker 187 He's going to be Korean. And he goes,

Speaker 115 if you're going to introduce me

Speaker 115 instead of Hall of Fame or an 11-time champion, I would appreciate it if you introduced me.

Speaker 116 And we're like, oh, no.

Speaker 115 as captain of the Boston Celtics.

Speaker 105 And I was like, oh, hell yes.

Speaker 115 Yeah. So that one's always, because it was was so early and it was a big deal.

Speaker 37 And I thought you were going to say Brandon Marshall.

Speaker 54 Well,

Speaker 66 the other one.

Speaker 115 I'm probably most proud of that Brandon Marshall interview. For those that don't know, we were pitched Brandon Marshall the receiver.
It was confirmed by everybody.

Speaker 109 We were good to go.

Speaker 115 I opened up the Zoom and I'm like, that's not Brandon Marshall.

Speaker 72 But it was.

Speaker 126 But it was, but it wasn't.

Speaker 115 And I'm immediately like double checking an email and I'm going, what the fuck are you going to do right now? Who is this? And I'm like, what's up, man?

Speaker 58 And he's like, hey, how's it going?

Speaker 45 And I was like, all right, cool.

Speaker 115 And I'm like, I can't go in the Zoom chat. And I'm trying to like message Sarudi being like, or Kyle.
I think it was just Kyle at that point. And I was like, what?

Speaker 45 And so it's the first question.

Speaker 115 You go back.

Speaker 187 It's to we left it up.

Speaker 116 Cause I was like, fuck it.

Speaker 3 I was like, what's up, man?

Speaker 24 What have you been doing?

Speaker 146 Like, hoping to find some sort of common ground with his answer of what he's been doing.

Speaker 5 Yeah, because I'm trying to like,

Speaker 3 why would I have a different Brandon Marshall that he would think he's like, hey, I'm doing one of these sports podcasts tomorrow.

Speaker 143 Like, why does he think this is okay? Right. If this isn't, like, something's going on.

Speaker 115 And then I actually did remember. I'm like, oh, I think he's that Denver guy.
I kind of like their

Speaker 61 linebackers.

Speaker 115 Yeah, I like their linebackers that year. But I still, I mean, you guys know how this is.
Like, if you let your head get fucked with in the process, you can make it way worse. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 115 So now I'm like, you may think it's the Broncos linebacker, but now you're so screwed up because you can't believe that somebody confirmed this.

Speaker 115 And then as he was answering, I'm checking the email and I was like, no, it's actually the receivers confirmed on the email from the the person.

Speaker 115 So, by the third question, I finally like piece it together.

Speaker 115 And then Kyle was like, What do you want to do with that interview? And I go, leave it up, and then we'll tell everybody what happened. Yeah, huh?

Speaker 44 It was great.

Speaker 45 I was actually proud of myself. Yes, yeah, yes.

Speaker 85 Let me give you a hypothetical situation for the playoffs.

Speaker 100 Okay, ready for this?

Speaker 154 I'm ready.

Speaker 43 You're down eight.

Speaker 68 It's fourth in goal from the eight.

Speaker 186 There's two minutes left,

Speaker 28 and you have all three timeouts.

Speaker 186 You're going to need a stop either way.

Speaker 85 Do you go for it or do you kick a field goal and make a two-possession game a two-possession game?

Speaker 115 I'll tell you what, you would go there, big cat.

Speaker 86 What?

Speaker 126 That's a hypothetical.

Speaker 113 Yeah. I don't.

Speaker 224 Did that happen to you?

Speaker 115 I don't know. Maybe.

Speaker 88 I mean.

Speaker 50 Here's another brain buster for you.

Speaker 99 Three times three, less or more than eight.

Speaker 69 Excuse me? Three times three, less or more than eight.

Speaker 27 So that's what you're trying to do.

Speaker 29 You're trying to kick three field goals in the last two minutes of the game.

Speaker 113 That's smart.

Speaker 116 No, that was smart.

Speaker 126 Okay, now I got you.

Speaker 45 Okay, big cat. I got you, man.

Speaker 61 I never covered that show again.

Speaker 86 Never have to get in the end zone where you kick three field goals.

Speaker 30 Okay, then the last one I had here, hypothetically, fourth down at the eight-yard line.

Speaker 14 There's two minutes, nine seconds left. You're down eight.

Speaker 16 You kick a field goal there, just take the points.

Speaker 19 Yeah, just take the points. Just take the points.

Speaker 56 That's it. Yeah.

Speaker 19 Yeah.

Speaker 52 What was the line?

Speaker 194 I think it was three.

Speaker 17 Yeah, it didn't help us. Yeah.

Speaker 19 Yeah. You got very upset about that.
Yeah, you guys hit us in the points. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 18 So, every time we talk to your coach, LaFleur, um, we give him a hard time about that, and he's put all of it on you.

Speaker 20 He's like, Aaron wanted to, you know, kick a field goal, he wanted to get off the field.

Speaker 194 He didn't trust his arm, he was late,

Speaker 18 he was late for a flight to go hang out with Miles Teller in the jungle.

Speaker 13 Yeah, so it was he wanted to get out of there.

Speaker 59 We're like, all right, fine.

Speaker 15 It's credit to him.

Speaker 27 He's never said it publicly.

Speaker 19 I think maybe he was thinking, if I get three now, then we stop him, get three again, get on-site kick, and then another three.

Speaker 80 Yes, three times three-one.

Speaker 19 Yes. Yeah,

Speaker 82 championship.

Speaker 18 We ask every head coach that gets their first head coaching job the same question just to kind of like gauge where they're at, if they're an aggressive guy, if they're a conservative guy, whatever the case may be.

Speaker 140 So if it's hypothetically like fourth quarter.

Speaker 94 Fourth quarter.

Speaker 53 Playoff game. Playoff game.

Speaker 20 And you're down by eight points.

Speaker 20 That's right. Eight points.

Speaker 40 And you have the ball.

Speaker 61 On the eighth. On the eight-yard line.

Speaker 54 And it's

Speaker 54 fourth and goal. Fourth and goal from one.

Speaker 203 There's two minutes in eighth, second, eight, and third and eight, and fourth and eight.

Speaker 59 Incompletion.

Speaker 20 Move the ball downfield, though, to the eight-yard line.

Speaker 93 Who potentially could be the quarterback? One of the best quarterbacks.

Speaker 51 The guy who threw three interceptions today, hypothetically.

Speaker 16 One of the best quarterbacks of all time.

Speaker 43 So

Speaker 199 do you kick a field goal?

Speaker 18 And then you would give the other ball.

Speaker 16 You would give the ball away to the best quarterback of all time.

Speaker 42 Okay, so

Speaker 94 there.

Speaker 203 Golly, I'm glad I haven't been in that situation.

Speaker 203 I mean, you know, I wouldn't want to have to make that decision.

Speaker 15 Because we talked to LaFleur last week, and he was like, that was all hacket.

Speaker 84 So he said that you're the one who said, kick the field goal.

Speaker 37 We'll kick three field goals and we'll win this game.

Speaker 203 I'll let you know. I blacked out.
I didn't even know what was happening. You know, I'm pretty sure I fainted during that process.

Speaker 40 I freaked out and I had no clue what was going on.

Speaker 139 And

Speaker 62 it was, you know,

Speaker 126 are you talking about the

Speaker 54 hypothetical? Hypothetical.

Speaker 66 Hypothetical.

Speaker 205 Okay, I'm just trying to get this, get this right in the head.

Speaker 203 Yeah, you know, I think I'd have to run it through the computers because I'm a nerd and I'd want to go through the statistics on everything and make sure that you made the appropriate decision.

Speaker 22 I can distill it down real quick. Okay.

Speaker 16 What's more, three or eight? Three, eight.

Speaker 205 Take your time.

Speaker 37 You're a failed doctor.

Speaker 203 Eight points?

Speaker 92 Yeah, eight points. You got it.

Speaker 40 Okay, so you're aggressive.

Speaker 86 I like that. Smart cut.

Speaker 146 Eight points is good.

Speaker 53 Yes, I hear that.

Speaker 190 Yeah.

Speaker 13 The Steelers, I mean, we're friends with Kenny and Mitch, so fucking bad.

Speaker 40 Fuck the Steelers. Kenny and Mitch can suck my dick and balls.

Speaker 15 But they're right in the middle.

Speaker 54 They're right in the middle in the fuck game, right?

Speaker 126 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 But Kenny and Mitch, I think, will just give you a solid, like, quality start.

Speaker 54 Six innings, three-yard runs.

Speaker 128 I think you think you got to take them both at the same time.

Speaker 14 So in this situation, you have to be like, it's Kenny and Mitch double-teaming.

Speaker 138 Kenny and Mitch double teaming. Okay.
Between them, they could satisfy one woman.

Speaker 59 Yeah.

Speaker 79 Yeah, exactly. Yes.

Speaker 61 Yes.

Speaker 23 Exactly. I can see that.

Speaker 151 Tag each other in. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 54 Let's go.

Speaker 92 I'm going to see you. Mitch.

Speaker 138 Mitch has the pussy wide open. He just throws it to the left.

Speaker 80 He puts his dick on her thigh. That hurts.

Speaker 54 That hurts.

Speaker 189 I'm not going to lie to that that one.

Speaker 61 That hurts.

Speaker 138 She's got her mouth open waiting for the cum shot. It just goes behind her.

Speaker 49 I was open.

Speaker 159 I was open, man.

Speaker 89 You're going to hit me right in the tonsils.

Speaker 89 It slipped out of my cock.

Speaker 54 What can I say?

Speaker 28 All right, so that's AMC North.

Speaker 121 Tua doesn't know how to fuck.

Speaker 138 They're bottom of the barrel as far as I'm concerned.

Speaker 18 Tua just got married married to his, I think, his college sweetheart, which is weird.

Speaker 22 Like, this far outside of college.

Speaker 14 Like, that just tells me that he's thinking, like, yeah, you know what?

Speaker 18 College was the best time that I ever had.

Speaker 127 Oh, no, you're so right.

Speaker 54 Shit was awesome.

Speaker 138 So sell your fucking Tua Stock.

Speaker 151 He's like,

Speaker 189 I want to play the field of Miami.

Speaker 53 He went to Miami, and then he's like, you know what?

Speaker 28 This girl I met in Alabama, I think that's about as good as you're going to be.

Speaker 127 Oh, you don't exist. That's all right.

Speaker 138 Fuck-wise,

Speaker 99 that's the nail in the coffin he's done.

Speaker 179 He'll be out of the league in two years.

Speaker 13 Yeah, because if he he married her right after, he'd be like, oh, that makes sense.

Speaker 27 Of course.

Speaker 138 Divorce coming. Yeah.

Speaker 40 And then, yeah, Mike McDaniels, he does seem to me like he would, like, he would basically just be sitting on a couch so high, and the girl would be like, hey, you want to do something?

Speaker 13 He's like, no, I'm watching Netflix right now.

Speaker 190 And then next thing you know, he's falling asleep next to his bong, and you're like, all right.

Speaker 138 He's like, there's some interesting stuff going on about 9-11.

Speaker 109 I don't know if you've heard about it.

Speaker 71 She's like, I'm going to bed.

Speaker 89 I'm taking out the vibrator.

Speaker 126 I'm going to bed.

Speaker 53 I can also see him getting domed out, though.

Speaker 18 Like, he's wearing a mask and just like chained up against a wall.

Speaker 30 He's just getting wit, not ever fucking, but just the guy that.

Speaker 14 Have you ever seen the videos of the dudes that just get like knead in the balls or pure?

Speaker 30 Yeah, that's kind of like what I picture him just gets stepped on.

Speaker 14 I could say, but I think he's more go with the flow, though.

Speaker 138 You know, like, you know, I could, I think there's other subs in the NFL.

Speaker 142 Okay.

Speaker 14 Like, more, you know, more specific subs.

Speaker 59 Yeah. You know?

Speaker 64 All right. AFC South.

Speaker 66 AFC South.

Speaker 97 I love Davis Mills.

Speaker 48 We're Davis Mills guys. Okay.

Speaker 38 His long-ass neck.

Speaker 40 Long neck is a good sign.

Speaker 22 Yeah. A lot of people get in in there

Speaker 110 yes yes yeah yeah trevor lawrence i don't think i don't know there's something wrong some's off there doug peterson he fucks with the visor on yes for sure and he's he's got doug peterson is probably the top of my list for swingers yeah he definitely seems like absolutely leave the garage door crack open

Speaker 138 come on in i got a hot tub yeah whole fucking towns the whole you like my wife's i saw you look at my wife's ticket stand

Speaker 54 give him a squeeze give him a squeeze

Speaker 129 The whole cul-de-sac is coming to Doug Peterson's house to get sucked and fucked.

Speaker 138 Without question, without question.

Speaker 30 He's got like seven different blenders in each room.

Speaker 58 Make it like, here's my

Speaker 93 Thai room.

Speaker 138 He's got themed fuck rooms for sure.

Speaker 1 Because it's those guys that, like, you see them at like the, whatever, like the hedonism guys, the guys that go on these resorts where they're not in like great shape, but they were at one point.

Speaker 44 They were, yeah.

Speaker 28 And you can kind of tell they got that confidence.

Speaker 54 Like, I want a Super Bowl.

Speaker 7 Like, I'll fuck all these chicks in front of my wife.

Speaker 9 100%.

Speaker 44 And and I'll have her get fucked too.

Speaker 112 And then we'll

Speaker 54 be happy, happily married.

Speaker 54 Four kids, who cares?

Speaker 202 That's probably why he kept starting Nick Foles in Philadelphia.

Speaker 128 He was like, This dude fucks.

Speaker 23 Yeah, we're going to reward him by what he did to my wife. Exactly.

Speaker 138 His wife's picking up the kids from soccer practice was just full of Nick Foles juice.

Speaker 54 We're never going to get an interview with that after this.

Speaker 61 Fuck.

Speaker 61 And then Matt Ryan.

Speaker 13 Yeah, Matt Matt Ryan is.

Speaker 54 Matt Ryan's Matt Ryan. You know what?

Speaker 18 Matt Ryan's like, he's really good at missionary.

Speaker 126 Yep, yep. Like, he likes it.

Speaker 138 No, he's the guy.

Speaker 14 It was actually what you were talking about with Solid, where it's like, he fucks his wife well.

Speaker 138 Yeah.

Speaker 59 And that's what we'll say about Matt Ryan.

Speaker 138 But he sees another, he sees a color nipple that he's not familiar with. He'll freak out.

Speaker 127 Yeah.

Speaker 138 If his wife's nipples are hot pink and he sees a dark brown, he doesn't know what to do.

Speaker 23 Yeah, he goes into WebMD.

Speaker 54 Yeah.

Speaker 61 He's been doing the same thing for a long time.

Speaker 54 He does it well.

Speaker 129 And he's solid ass.

Speaker 34 Next question.

Speaker 127 This is crazy. This is crazy.

Speaker 20 Next question.

Speaker 202 Blake Griffin, complete the lyric.

Speaker 14 Yes.

Speaker 136 Jealousy, turning saints into the sea, swimming through sick lullabies, choking on your alibis.

Speaker 33 But it's just the

Speaker 126 Christ,

Speaker 157 I, and it is just the price of a

Speaker 61 priest

Speaker 147 calling me.

Speaker 149 Yes.

Speaker 152 Yes, you nailed it.

Speaker 25 All right, Blake Bortles.

Speaker 18 Blake Bortles, your chance to respond.

Speaker 15 Complete this Drake lyric.

Speaker 186 You gotta be nice for what to these

Speaker 91 and I get three words.

Speaker 204 Complete the lyric, Blake.

Speaker 129 Okay, that one was a joke. That one was a joke.

Speaker 136 I won't make you say that one.

Speaker 64 We're tied 2-2 still.

Speaker 195 No, no, it's 3-2.

Speaker 65 No, no, Blake's whole thing was just a setup to get Blake.

Speaker 50 All right, so it's 3-3.

Speaker 217 3-3. It's 3-3.

Speaker 193 I'm going to give, you know what?

Speaker 190 We're going to give Blake Bortles credit for the correct answer.

Speaker 86 Yeah.

Speaker 177 Because you could see he knew,

Speaker 205 he didn't want to act like he knew.

Speaker 18 Yeah, but you knew. Because, like, is it racist? No, I don't know.

Speaker 199 Yeah.

Speaker 54 So 3-3.

Speaker 121 So we're going to go to a tiebreaker here.

Speaker 54 Wow.

Speaker 20 Blake Bortles, name every team that Blake Griffin has played for in the NBA.

Speaker 123 Can I get a total?

Speaker 54 Yeah, give him a total. Yeah,

Speaker 61 sure.

Speaker 159 Three.

Speaker 109 Total number. Yeah.

Speaker 147 Yeah.

Speaker 91 Three, yeah, three.

Speaker 116 Three.

Speaker 229 Clippers?

Speaker 229 Yep.

Speaker 189 Nets.

Speaker 66 Yep.

Speaker 50 He's trying to forget this as well, so it's fine.

Speaker 230 This was a one-year stint, the one I'm missing.

Speaker 157 I was like, no, no, no, no, multiple, multiple years.

Speaker 147 Do I answer these?

Speaker 59 No, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 215 No, I know I don't answer them.

Speaker 189 And

Speaker 35 you got it.

Speaker 216 Is there a time limit?

Speaker 35 No, yes, literally forever.

Speaker 51 We did the ping-pong balls last last year, so.

Speaker 211 Half under pace.

Speaker 123 I'm struggling. I don't know.
I'm going to guess and say the Suns.

Speaker 70 Good guess.

Speaker 21 You give off Suns' energy.

Speaker 14 Yeah.

Speaker 128 It's the Pistons. It's the Pistons.

Speaker 126 Yeah.

Speaker 123 Blake, I'm sorry. I knew that.

Speaker 21 Yeah, shit. Detroit Pistons.

Speaker 127 Sorry, buddy. Yeah.

Speaker 30 I mean, Blake might be on the Suns.

Speaker 32 He might be part of that KD trade package that he wants.

Speaker 44 Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 86 Never know.

Speaker 64 I think we should give him a point for each one.

Speaker 195 So it's five to three Blake Bortles.

Speaker 128 Well, here's what we'll do.

Speaker 14 Because what I'll say is that Blake Bortles' career, he's played for twice as many teams as you have, Blake Griffin.

Speaker 121 So

Speaker 16 we can just reduce the fraction and say that you can tie Blake on this answer if you get four of the six teams that Blake Bortles has played for.

Speaker 50 And if you get all of them, or five out of six, you're the winner.

Speaker 231 Five out of six, I win.

Speaker 109 Yeah.

Speaker 160 Okay. So we got the Jackson.

Speaker 147 Five teams.

Speaker 80 What did you say?

Speaker 116 Teams.

Speaker 177 He's only played for five teams.

Speaker 202 Oh, yeah. You played for one of them twice.

Speaker 70 Okay.

Speaker 68 All right. So five teams.

Speaker 109 I know that one.

Speaker 147 That was a test one.

Speaker 147 We got

Speaker 231 Jacksonville. Yep.

Speaker 216 We got the LA Rams twice.

Speaker 160 Yep.

Speaker 216 We got the Green Bay Packers. This was right around the time we were doing Blake of the Year last year.

Speaker 231 Yep.

Speaker 216 And, well, I mean, PFT kind of gave this away, Saints.

Speaker 116 Yep.

Speaker 216 And I believe we had a stint in.

Speaker 86 I'll give you a hint.

Speaker 85 He gave everyone.

Speaker 34 No, no, it's a hint.

Speaker 28 He gave everyone COVID.

Speaker 116 Denver.

Speaker 91 Denver.

Speaker 109 Can you elaborate on why Canadians prefer missionary while Americans gravitate towards doggy?

Speaker 54 Is that true?

Speaker 59 Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 66 I always thought it was the other way around so you can both watch hockey.

Speaker 231 I like missionary just because I like kissing. I like doing the French kissing.

Speaker 61 Burying my smoocher?

Speaker 231 Burying my 4Z deep inside.

Speaker 93 You smoocher?

Speaker 155 Is this how the TNT show goes usually?

Speaker 92 No, we don't talk about it.

Speaker 68 Yeah, sometimes you throw in a few dick jokes.

Speaker 224 I like to make out and kiss while I'm doing it. So I don't mind doggy.

Speaker 180 I just, you know, it's good.

Speaker 126 I switch it around. You're a passionate man.

Speaker 224 Those are my two go-tos, Doggy.

Speaker 121 The eye contact.

Speaker 27 You're like Leo and Rose on the Titanic.

Speaker 177 You just like to stare at each other.

Speaker 231 Yeah, I'm making out and staring into their eyes and making sure that everything's good.

Speaker 143 Everything good?

Speaker 54 Yeah.

Speaker 54 This work? You happy?

Speaker 24 Are you happy? Can you feel anything down there?

Speaker 86 No? Okay.

Speaker 142 All right, let me use my finger.

Speaker 187 But yeah, no, I'm.

Speaker 54 But who gave you that poll?

Speaker 24 That might be a made-up thing.

Speaker 23 No, that seems

Speaker 53 to stick with it.

Speaker 121 In America, it's been probably a decade since I haven't done a doggy style inside these borders.

Speaker 40 I usually like the doggy style.

Speaker 18 If I get a passport, that means we're flipping over.

Speaker 231 I like the doggy style when you got your foot on their face, you know, where you kind of go around.

Speaker 85 It was a fucking joke, big cat.

Speaker 231 I don't put my feet on their face.

Speaker 58 Hey, guys, got summer beach question for you.

Speaker 195 When is it time to change?

Speaker 224 No, let's talk to Jake about what he likes better.

Speaker 145 Are you here? Let's pass the mic over.

Speaker 18 You went to college pretty close to Canada.

Speaker 6 Are you from that?

Speaker 224 Jake, are you an anal guy?

Speaker 98 I'm

Speaker 72 not. Have you ever,

Speaker 145 have you ever, have you ever licked a girl's asshole?

Speaker 145 Have you ever sucked the fart out of a girl's ass?

Speaker 79 No.

Speaker 145 You've never licked a cornhole.

Speaker 72 No.

Speaker 51 No leather Cheerios?

Speaker 74 No.

Speaker 4 I'm not a big anal guy either.

Speaker 218 You know, Jake's a Panthers fan.

Speaker 78 You are? Yeah. That's my hometown team.

Speaker 196 I could have been better this season, but I'm going to be better these next few weeks.

Speaker 66 I'm good.

Speaker 81 I'm glad you're good.

Speaker 145 I wish these guys came better prepared. What did you make of the Kodak Black incident in the box?

Speaker 120 I was interested.

Speaker 231 He was grinding his cock. Yeah.

Speaker 126 I think he's an anal guy.

Speaker 179 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 196 Those things happen at bad teams games, but the Panthers.

Speaker 36 They're good.

Speaker 25 Well, it takes a while for them to, like, they're good.

Speaker 13 But you're not like, they're a good franchise.

Speaker 193 Right.

Speaker 11 Good season. Yeah, right.

Speaker 200 Like the Reds thing.

Speaker 65 We talked about earlier.

Speaker 27 Yeah, they have to have a few seasons in the consciousness to be like, that's a good franchise.

Speaker 128 Yeah.

Speaker 231 Jake, if you like what if you met the girl of your dreams and she wanted to do a stand-up 69 but she was holding you and you're like you were off the ground would you be clear with that

Speaker 27 i don't know yes yes i'll answer for jake yes

Speaker 180 yes uh good question though biz was kodak black actually having sex with that girl i never did i think he was getting an over-the-pant rub where yeah just

Speaker 231 brand so he was like super gremlin so yeah so when you're in the american hockey league you're not making that showdough and we used to sometimes go to the strip clubs. I would not do this.

Speaker 231 But I would have teammates who they would go to the bathroom at the strip club.

Speaker 231 They would take their underwear off, put their dress pants back on, and then they would get lap dances because when you're getting that rub, they would be able to come just from doing lap dances.

Speaker 54 So they wouldn't.

Speaker 89 So that is out with.

Speaker 128 That's the funniest old hockey trick I've ever heard.

Speaker 67 And then they would go back.

Speaker 224 They would have come pants, though.

Speaker 145 They would have come in there, but they would go back and they would put their boxers on, and then

Speaker 231 they wouldn't be feeling the wetness of the cum on their dress pants.

Speaker 25 Yeah, but then these guys were savages.

Speaker 231 One of which ended up, uh, well, I guess we won't go with that because we had to take it off the podcast because he got in a little bit of trouble.

Speaker 143 We said for our birthdays, we'll buy more expensive gifts every year

Speaker 143 until we get to a million dollars.

Speaker 59 And so then, unbelievable, but I'm like, I'm like looking at my time.

Speaker 143 Like, Tom's 42. I'm 49.
I gotta, I gotta speed this up.

Speaker 226 You know, it started with an e-bike.

Speaker 146 I got him an e-bike.

Speaker 77 Which is like three grand.

Speaker 54 Yeah, two grand.

Speaker 127 Yeah, three grand.

Speaker 226 And it was like, like, wow, this is awesome. And he was like, you give way better gifts than my wife.
You know, he's like, my wife gave me a fucking wallet. He's like, who the fuck wants?

Speaker 226 He got really upset about that. And I think she got him like a nice wallet.
He's like, what a shitty gift.

Speaker 45 So we do gay birthdays. So we do,

Speaker 143 gay guys buy the best presidents ever, right? So one year, Tom bought me like a $3,000 electric bike that goes 40 miles an hour.

Speaker 68 Oh, those things are sick.

Speaker 94 They're awesome.

Speaker 62 Yes. And they're even better.
They're motorcycles.

Speaker 143 They're even better at 2 a.m. when you're drunk and no one's out, right?

Speaker 226 I got him this e-bike, and then he's like, I'm gonna step it up i'm gonna get you something that's more expensive and we'll top each other and so it's been topping it was like he got me a jet ski so i buy him the next year he had moved to austin i bought him a fifteen thousand dollar wave runner that goes 70 miles an hour right so he's like nice so then this year

Speaker 143 every fucking day oh okay tom's a speed freak okay so he gets on glass and just

Speaker 226 he uses it so much he bought a second one i got him charter flights in and out of austin this year he calls me up i'm stressed.

Speaker 143 We got the movie coming out.

Speaker 54 We're wrapping the movie.

Speaker 143 I'm doing screenings in like Sugarland, Los Angeles. I'm doing shows.

Speaker 54 I'm on tour and I'm stressed out.

Speaker 143 Tom knows. And I'm doing two bears in Austin and he knows I'm stressed out.
And he calls me up. He goes, happy birthday.
Don't worry about next week.

Speaker 187 It was like my busiest week.

Speaker 143 And I go, what? And he goes, don't worry about it. I got you.
After you show in Minneapolis, I got a private jet. It's going to pick you up.
It's going to take you to Austin.

Speaker 227 We're going to do two Two Bears.

Speaker 143 Then the private jet's going to take you to Sugarland, and it's going to drop you off to go to the screening of the movie.

Speaker 143 Then it's going to take you back to LA so you can see the girls and do your voiceover. And then the private jet is going to fly you back out on the road.
And I was like, for real? He was like, yeah.

Speaker 143 And he goes, and it's not one of the tiny ones. It's the fucking G5.
It's like the fucking big one. It's like $70,000.

Speaker 143 And I'm like, all I thought was, motherfucker, I got to spend $100,000 on this guy next year.

Speaker 226 He got me a fucking race car with a trailer. Right.
Because you can't drive it on the street.

Speaker 226 Yeah. And so now it's, it's about, and that was a, that's a substantial purchase.

Speaker 38 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 143 So I said to him, he's really into cars and racing and i said let's start two bears racing i'll buy you a race car for your birthday and he's like are you being serious and i said yeah and he goes no you don't mess around with me this is like my dream and i was like done so i bought a 56 000 race car uh we're doing endurance races bmw endurance races hell yeah so how are you gonna step it up to him i i have something planned i cannot

Speaker 22 give away now what's the expectation on your part for him to come back at you next year what's the oh what's the ground floor for the price level?

Speaker 143 I mean, I'm assuming we're just going to double up. I'm thinking $200,000.
Yeah.

Speaker 59 I don't know. I kind of want like a ranch house in Montana.

Speaker 226 But I have a pretty substantial

Speaker 226 gift idea.

Speaker 14 So this sounds like something that we do on this show a lot, which is we get really into things and our own like weird ideas and traditions and customs that we have here until it goes to a place too far.

Speaker 18 And we all have to agree that we have to stop doing it entirely.

Speaker 232 I think we're about there with the gift giving.

Speaker 48 Well, I was going to say, what year do you think one of you is going to the moon?

Speaker 13 Get us the dates for next year. I want,

Speaker 7 we'll build an entire grit week around it.

Speaker 44 We don't care. I love that.

Speaker 94 I mean, yes.

Speaker 67 Yeah, we'll do it all. We want to do it all.

Speaker 13 So it didn't work out this year, but yeah, we're in. We're in.
So let's get ahead of it. And then we'll just block off the whole week.

Speaker 35 It'll be like, fuck it.

Speaker 13 We're going to come to Nashville and we're going to get fucked up.

Speaker 37 Don't, Billy, you can't listen to that part.

Speaker 7 Billy's not allowed to drink on the road.

Speaker 119 Not?

Speaker 7 No, but maybe for tight end you, I'm starting to think one night.

Speaker 233 I'm going to lights a sponsor.

Speaker 112 Yeah, I'm going to give him an emoji.

Speaker 13 I'm giving him an emoji.

Speaker 93 But he fucked up the man in question.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but I'm giving him an emoji just because he's down on himself for that, and that's showing like he can't.

Speaker 205 He's down on himself because he thinks that

Speaker 58 he's getting drunk.

Speaker 54 Yeah.

Speaker 137 Billy, can you stand in front of the camera?

Speaker 154 Oh, there he is.

Speaker 80 Why doesn't he get it?

Speaker 146 If he's worth an emoji, he knows how to listen.

Speaker 152 If Billy could do 275 right now, one time in front of you guys, he'll get an emoji.

Speaker 44 Done. Okay, that's easy.

Speaker 126 Easy.

Speaker 220 easy. He says that's easy.

Speaker 42 Well, and let me go on. Let me see his body.

Speaker 54 Let's see his body. Stop in front of the camera.

Speaker 68 Show your body. He doesn't have bots on his pants.

Speaker 149 Take your shirt off.

Speaker 233 Can you take your shirt off for this?

Speaker 4 He wants to see your shirt. They want to see your body.

Speaker 214 Can you take your shirt off?

Speaker 214 I want to make a bet, but I got to take a look at what he looks like.

Speaker 185 He's done it before, but this is a little more pressure because you guys are watching.

Speaker 61 I'm sorry.

Speaker 233 Dan, will you tell him to take your shirt off? Take your shirt off.

Speaker 141 George wants you to take your shirt off.

Speaker 1 Oh, they said you're disinvited if you don't take the shirt off.

Speaker 61 What? Billy, take your shirt off.

Speaker 206 How much weight is on there?

Speaker 61 You just said that.

Speaker 96 Time out.

Speaker 214 How much weight is on there?

Speaker 50 275.

Speaker 154 What kind of

Speaker 45 weights?

Speaker 214 What are those plates? No warm ones.

Speaker 233 Wait, are you really not going to take your shirt off? You're a rookie.

Speaker 118 Take your shirt off. Yeah, wait, wait, wait.

Speaker 27 They are saying that you're not invited if you don't take your shirt off.

Speaker 233 Take your shirt off.

Speaker 27 George is saying he's got to take his shirt off.

Speaker 86 All right.

Speaker 71 Thank you. There it is.

Speaker 116 All right. Look,

Speaker 50 I'm even starting. I'm showing you right now.

Speaker 214 I want.

Speaker 213 Hey, can you ask him why at 275 is 100?

Speaker 67 Knocking everything over.

Speaker 115 It's like a fucking chaos.

Speaker 25 Earthquake.

Speaker 50 I'm starting my notes app right now.

Speaker 152 The Billy T E E U.

Speaker 214 What emoji are you going to use?

Speaker 3 What do we use?

Speaker 75 I think maybe just the arm, the strength.

Speaker 214 Yeah, arm. I think it's got to be the bicep.

Speaker 115 This is incredible. All right.

Speaker 214 The wide grip. He's got a wide grip.

Speaker 89 He got it. He got it.

Speaker 78 Way to go.

Speaker 116 Arm.

Speaker 54 The guy did it.

Speaker 209 Billy gets it. You get an emoji.

Speaker 213 You just pop a peck.

Speaker 57 I'm giving him, look, I just gave him one strength emoji.

Speaker 54 Look at that, Billy.

Speaker 183 I think you have to have 15 emojis on me and PFT's phone individually.

Speaker 27 So 30%.

Speaker 213 Did you just pop a peck? You guys just asked the first pack.

Speaker 179 We want you to earn it.

Speaker 177 Yeah, we want you to earn it.

Speaker 14 You know how much more you're going to enjoy this if you earn it?

Speaker 151 Big cat. Yeah.

Speaker 214 Big cat. Ask him if he just popped his pec.

Speaker 42 Did you just pop your pec? No, he's fine.

Speaker 30 He's crying about it.

Speaker 14 He's got like a little sore shoulder.

Speaker 68 This is fine every day.

Speaker 94 Yeah, he'll be fine.

Speaker 11 He's not Billy.

Speaker 40 He's like Big Ben.

Speaker 15 He just like,

Speaker 7 every injury, like, oh, this hurts.

Speaker 214 I don't like the way he's holding his shoulder.

Speaker 119 He's fine.

Speaker 4 Trust me, I've seen this a million times. That would be so funny if he got

Speaker 214 why you guys have so many plates on for 275. What kind of plates are those?

Speaker 15 These are bumpers.

Speaker 28 45, 25, 35, 10s.

Speaker 214 That's the most ridiculous way to get the 275 I've ever heard.

Speaker 54 Yeah, we don't have enough 45.

Speaker 14 That's all the weights that we have. Yeah.

Speaker 14 So we were doing Max Tuesdays, but then we ran out of weights.

Speaker 18 And so it's just kind of like, I guess we just maxed.

Speaker 137 I guess we benched all the weight in the world yeah you can't get any thank god you don't have more this guy's peck would shred off oh he's hurt he's hurt all right

Speaker 213 i'm gonna call it right now he's hurt

Speaker 214 i can see it in his eyes he's hurt not he's saying he had no warm-up so he's hurt i i've seen guys get hurt before he his face looks hurt no he's he's playing tough but yeah i think he's hurt he's got resting hurt face

Speaker 53 yeah i'm gonna actually give him you know what because he's hurt i'm gonna give him the hospital emoji too so he's got two on my ball two good job billy So before you got into this room, we were actually having a discussion.

Speaker 30 We wanted to make you feel comfortable in this studio.

Speaker 18 You know, you're just starting to do podcasts.

Speaker 42 We want you to be cool.

Speaker 18 We want you to be yourself.

Speaker 22 Would you be more comfortable if we were all shirtless as well?

Speaker 18 Or would you like to be the only shirtless?

Speaker 135 This is...

Speaker 227 The greatest way I've ever started a podcast in the history of fucking podcasts. Not only would it make me more comfortable, but it makes you guys more primals, right? Because most people are born to.

Speaker 7 It definitely doesn't make me more comfortable.

Speaker 59 It makes you more primal, though.

Speaker 35 I don't even think that's true either.

Speaker 27 It just makes me be like, all right, cool.

Speaker 35 Everyone's going to be like, hey, look how fat this guy is.

Speaker 9 And I'm just like, all right.

Speaker 35 And I also, like, you know, don't you want me to be me?

Speaker 64 Should I be me or should I be you?

Speaker 227 What you don't understand is you

Speaker 227 being primal is your truest, most authentic self.

Speaker 3 Before we started wearing shirts.

Speaker 68 Primal me has a shirt on.

Speaker 227 Listen, before we started wearing shirts, right, the truest expression of who we are, bare-chested is fucking, how were you born?

Speaker 45 With a shirt or without?

Speaker 83 I think I had a shirt on, yeah.

Speaker 212 The way that you were born is how you should rock it okay all times i had a chain on i was wearing a necklace yeah came out what about all right so

Speaker 28 i would assume the primal part and billy has a lot of questions so the primal part off with the shirts who's taking the fuck yes billy fucking football all right

Speaker 9 yes yeah i'll take it off i i did think like just you walking in here with our shirts off was just weird we're making history I mean, it's not history.

Speaker 27 We've taken our shirts off many times. No, this.

Speaker 17 This is the first podcast ever done shirtless by guys.

Speaker 22 All right.

Speaker 35 Hey, sir.

Speaker 227 I don't guarantee you that the viewership's going through the roof right now.

Speaker 7 Definitely not.

Speaker 75 So the primal thing, is that no deodorant?

Speaker 12 Hell, no deodorant.

Speaker 7 Yeah, I know. I noticed the musk.
The musk is strong.

Speaker 28 It's strong musk.

Speaker 227 This is how a man is supposed to fucking smell. If everybody stopped wearing deodorant and perfumes, right, the new normal would be this fucking musk, right?

Speaker 28 Would be melted tar.

Speaker 20 Pheromones, right?

Speaker 212 So you're just, you're talking about France.

Speaker 7 That's not, yeah, I don't know if we want to be France, but yeah, okay.

Speaker 28 So no, no, no deodorant.

Speaker 227 I agree on the France thing, right? But like those people are detoxing, right? The way the fucking badass American lives, right?

Speaker 227 You go fucking chop wood. You go do hard fucking work, multiple workouts a day.
The way that we eat, the way that we sleep, the way that we, our fucking attitude, there's a different smell to that.

Speaker 227 There's a different smell. And pheromones is exactly what I'm talking about.
If everybody's

Speaker 227 living a life like this, you get an attractive woman in here, right?

Speaker 54 You let her.

Speaker 151 You're gonna try to fuck us?

Speaker 143 She's gonna close her eyes.

Speaker 227 She's gonna pick that fucking American because he smells like this.

Speaker 67 Yeah, like that.

Speaker 9 Actually, people will probably accuse you of paying us to come on this podcast we, for the record, wanted you on.

Speaker 25 But yeah, there's like a whole handful of cash.

Speaker 185 There's a whole industry of people paying to appear on other people's podcasts.

Speaker 227 Yeah, this is ridiculous. All these ridiculous accusations.
People say I take PEDs.

Speaker 1 People say I have ab implants.

Speaker 92 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Speaker 186 Can we be honest?

Speaker 93 Like, you definitely take PEDs.

Speaker 193 You know what?

Speaker 227 Fuck it. I'm going to be on for the...

Speaker 25 All right, here we go.

Speaker 144 I take PEDs.

Speaker 33 Yeah.

Speaker 196 I prioritize, execute, and dominate.

Speaker 7 Every fucking morning. Every morning.

Speaker 23 But I'm going to finish.

Speaker 58 I take PEDs.

Speaker 14 I pray every day.

Speaker 180 So we both fucking take PEDs. Here we go.

Speaker 54 The whole world should be.

Speaker 8 I take PEDs. I'm on Windstraw.

Speaker 92 Don't know much, a whole lot about that.

Speaker 195 But people say the same thing.

Speaker 146 I got ab implants, right?

Speaker 227 Or AB Etching.

Speaker 22 I got him.

Speaker 86 You can get ab implants. That's definitely what Hank's.

Speaker 204 Hank's got to get that.

Speaker 92 Hank's got to get his six back there.

Speaker 152 I'll pay for Hank's surgery.

Speaker 15 Our other producer, who's not here right now, because he's now a suit and he hates his life. He's actually the true beta.

Speaker 27 Like when you say the nine-to-five guy who goes and hates his life, that's who you're talking about, Hank. He's convinced he can get a six-pack.

Speaker 83 I think I'm going to pay for his ab implants.

Speaker 45 I'm looking at ab implants right now.

Speaker 81 They look pretty good.

Speaker 34 I might have to go.

Speaker 18 Wait, the third image result on ab implants is you.

Speaker 49 This is good. I love it.

Speaker 86 I love it, right?

Speaker 14 And then after that, it was, hey, he has hair implants, right?

Speaker 184 Because

Speaker 54 when I first went on social media, I was always wearing a hat, right?

Speaker 142 And then sometimes I don't wear a hat and people are like, hey, you know, you were bald because you're taking PEDs.

Speaker 227 And then you got here.

Speaker 193 So the accusations will always come.

Speaker 227 I want to set the record straight. In 2018, I went to Singapore and I got gene editing done.

Speaker 227 I modified my myostatin gene. Right.
And this is actually the truth. I was the first human to ever do it.
It's always been

Speaker 54 really bad. Are you serious?

Speaker 28 This is how these funny accusations.

Speaker 64 Oh, wait, are you serious or no?

Speaker 28 I'm completely fucking.

Speaker 74 Okay, guys.

Speaker 183 Because what you did there is you made a joke, but we don't know what you're talking about except Billy like when you said that I was like what does that mean and Billy was

Speaker 227 this is CRISPR right like and and and so uh again like ancestral tenant right now is have a little fucking fun yeah right take let these accusations fly you know what you gave me a hundred K I gave you a hundred K Yeah, right, you did, you know, and then hopefully you I'm gonna be paid for the ab implants for Hank.

Speaker 25 That's right.

Speaker 39 When Hank has a six-pack, it's like Liver King did that.

Speaker 54 The song, um, the Dunder Mifflin, the people, the people persons, paper people, that is a jam.

Speaker 26 have you thought about taking paper yeah can you sing it just stock there's friendly faces around the block break loose from them chains that are causing you pain call michael and stanley gym the wine and creep call andy and kelleny for your business paper and these call the the me flip people persons paper people

Speaker 98 yeah

Speaker 14 i think that have you ever like considered just changing the words to it not being about a fictional paper company and just making it into a hit?

Speaker 98 I have not.

Speaker 18 I think it's good enough.

Speaker 98 Wow.

Speaker 54 It's so smooth. Yeah.

Speaker 41 I'd agree with you. Why not just keep it like it is then?

Speaker 53 Yeah, I guess so.

Speaker 146 This is me trying to

Speaker 14 organize a whole like people want the office to reunite because they want to go back in time to feel the way that they felt about it the same time they first watched it.

Speaker 42 That's what I'm doing with that song right now.

Speaker 18 I want to go back and listen to it again for the first time.

Speaker 26 Do you have your act here?

Speaker 30 I do have a guitar down here.

Speaker 134 Oh, is it acoustic or acoustic?

Speaker 73 Bust it out, man.

Speaker 41 There you go. Shoot.

Speaker 159 Why not?

Speaker 146 What do you want to sing?

Speaker 222 Purple Ring.

Speaker 54 Oh, you went right to expert mode there.

Speaker 86 What do you want to do?

Speaker 83 Oh, one of the best songs from the best artist of all time.

Speaker 54 Real quick.

Speaker 79 Why not?

Speaker 67 You got to put it on him there.

Speaker 18 Who would you say are your favorite artists of all time?

Speaker 18 Wow, man.

Speaker 74 It was deep.

Speaker 187 Good deep. Michael Jackson.

Speaker 56 Yeah.

Speaker 26 Michael Jackson.

Speaker 188 Prince.

Speaker 188 James Brown.

Speaker 74 Marvin A.

Speaker 54 That's a good ass Kennison.

Speaker 12 That's a pretty good fucking list.

Speaker 9 Are you searching how to play it?

Speaker 18 No, what key do you want to play it in?

Speaker 222 Let's go be flat.

Speaker 33 Be flat.

Speaker 91 Okay.

Speaker 67 Have you ever played Purple Rain?

Speaker 30 I have a long time ago.

Speaker 188 Do you need the lyrics?

Speaker 161 Limit calls you into sorrow.

Speaker 26 I never meant to cause you any pain.

Speaker 26 I only wanted one time to see you laughing.

Speaker 49 I only wanna see you laughing in the purple rain

Speaker 71 Purple hooray, purple hooray

Speaker 161 Purple rain, purple rain

Speaker 161 Purple rain, purple rain

Speaker 161 Only wanna see you, baby, in the purple ring.

Speaker 25 That's beautiful. Yes.

Speaker 54 That's beautiful. I mean, that was off the top.

Speaker 56 That's fucking sick.

Speaker 222 That was

Speaker 222 thanks, bro.

Speaker 56 Thanks. Nice.

Speaker 82 Nice skills there. I heard a little fuck.

Speaker 93 I mean, you picked it in beat flat, which is tough to do and make it sound nice and open.

Speaker 18 You know, couldn't play the open chords on there.

Speaker 222 It was a little high for me, too. I was like,

Speaker 12 I mean, that was fucking awesome. You do have a smooth voice.

Speaker 34 You have a gift. Yeah.
Oh, I appreciate it.

Speaker 7 Get it from my mom.

Speaker 28 Do you have something for our good,

Speaker 11 our good boy William football?

Speaker 4 Yeah, I do.

Speaker 64 I just, you know,

Speaker 229 I'm an AWL. We established that.

Speaker 235 And I just, I like to jot.

Speaker 229 notes down about Billy throughout the year. And when I come on, I like to just,

Speaker 4 well, I just wrote them down.

Speaker 61 Let's do it.

Speaker 86 Yes.

Speaker 48 I would love to hear it.

Speaker 70 Okay.

Speaker 61 This is a poem for Billy.

Speaker 236 Billy, Billy, Billy.

Speaker 229 This is a diddy for the man who seems to have it all made.

Speaker 236 Billy, Billy, Billy.

Speaker 230 Even though he didn't grow hair in his pubis until the 11th grade.

Speaker 229 Billy, Billy, Billy, we yearn for your knowledge and how wide it does span.

Speaker 229 Billy, Billy, Billy, like Wednesday when you referred to the country of Russia as one giant clam jam.

Speaker 235 Billy, Billy, Billy, yes, some of your takes are, shall we say, strange.

Speaker 236 But Billy, Billy, Billy, at least unlike Hank, you seem to believe in climate change.

Speaker 235 Billy, Billy, Billy, sometimes when you speak, we all turn to our radios and we shout.

Speaker 236 Billy, Billy, Billy, shh, we can't hear you.

Speaker 215 Your internet's going out.

Speaker 235 Billy, Billy, Billy, who are you exactly? We only have a few hints.

Speaker 119 Billy, Billy, Billy, we know you have a hedgehog and live with a man Ben Mint.

Speaker 235 Billy, Billy, Billy, as a man, you are near perfect. Nothing with you is broken.

Speaker 229 Billy, Billy, Billy, but God, do we wish we had video of you getting dunked on and hole broken?

Speaker 235 Billy, Billy, Billy, we all need your wisdom, so give him a raise for God's sake.

Speaker 154 But Billy, Billy, Billy, we all know you're just going to get a coupon to pardon my cheese stick.

Speaker 235 Billy, Billy, Billy, we love you, Billy, and we love you with this crew.

Speaker 236 And Billy, Billy, Billy,

Speaker 154 never ever

Speaker 154 lose that dog in you.

Speaker 230 This is a poem for Hank.

Speaker 230 Henry, Henry, Henry,

Speaker 230 to the man behind behind the men who seems to have no fear.

Speaker 230 Henry, Henry, Henry, no matter what you do or say, the Patriots are strictly middle tier.

Speaker 230 Henry, Henry, Henry, shout out to Coach Belichick, who, like you, is pretty tightly wound.

Speaker 230 Henry, Henry, Henry, maybe he should stop hiring his children and running that franchise to the ground.

Speaker 230 Henry, Henry, Henry, the Tom Giselle split must be hard for you to cover.

Speaker 230 Henry, Henry, Henry, maybe they'd still be together if your boy was a more attentive lover.

Speaker 230 Henry, Henry, Henry, we'd love to hear your takes and your comebacks that are sick.

Speaker 230 Henry, Henry, Henry, like motherfucker never smelt a football field, never did shit but beat a dick.

Speaker 230 Henry, Henry, Henry, we love your addition to the team and you always seem so stable.

Speaker 230 And Henry, Henry, Henry, in no way did you ever, ever puke at a blackjack table.

Speaker 205 It didn't happen.

Speaker 230 Henry, Henry, Henry, always bringing wisdom and never sounding dumb.

Speaker 230 Henry, Henry, Henry, even if you can't pronounce the word interim,

Speaker 113 say it, Henry.

Speaker 154 Interim. Interim.

Speaker 154 Sorry? Interim.

Speaker 113 Interim. I'm sorry.

Speaker 116 Interim.

Speaker 25 Interim.

Speaker 230 Interim.

Speaker 154 Interim. Interim.

Speaker 73 Interim. There you go.

Speaker 230 Henry, Henry, Henry.

Speaker 4 You get to the point.

Speaker 230 You're concise and you are always frank.

Speaker 230 And Henry, Henry, Henry, for that,

Speaker 230 we will always be Team Hank.

Speaker 79 We love you. There you go.

Speaker 92 That was beautiful.

Speaker 160 We love you, DMT.

Speaker 118 Wow. And Jerry, you didn't say anything.

Speaker 152 You didn't say anything about him not getting the lottery ball machine.

Speaker 115 That's what I was waiting for.

Speaker 154 I'm not going to lie.

Speaker 109 I thought I was just going to be about that.

Speaker 15 Is it weird?

Speaker 1 Now, you know, talking about pulp fiction, one flew over the cuckoo's nest, twins, all these movies that are classics, and now people probably just yell rum ham at you when you're walking down the street.

Speaker 159 Absolutely.

Speaker 54 Rum ham.

Speaker 57 Yeah, have you had a moment where you're like, oh, well, this is what I'm after.

Speaker 54 This is what I am now.

Speaker 11 Yeah, I become, yeah, well, it's like kind of cool, though.

Speaker 173 You know what I mean? Like with the whole, the whole thing where you go, people transfer. Like when Louie, when I did taxi,

Speaker 173 you know, the next day, it was like every, anywhere you went, it was Louie. Hey, Louie.
Hey, Louie, Louie. And they'd play the song when I come in and the whole thing, Louie, Louie.

Speaker 26 You know, that whole thing.

Speaker 165 And then now with

Speaker 173 It's Always Sunny, Frank has become like, you know, it's a strong and the ham is.

Speaker 25 It's classic. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 165 People have tattoos in the ham.

Speaker 54 Yeah.

Speaker 71 Yes, I really agree.

Speaker 6 Is that weird for you, Lucy?

Speaker 99 Like your dad, you know, obviously all growing up, he's an actor, and then he gets this part that becomes like we're the same age and like it's our age demo just loves this show and now loves your dad in a totally different way.

Speaker 107 No, I mean it's it's it's awesome. I think it's really cool, you know, that he's able to like, I don't know.

Speaker 107 I have friends who've seen Sunny is one of those shows that like I've seen, I see it, I've seen, but I don't know the episodes back and forwards like some people do.

Speaker 107 And I, you know, I love it that people, you know, know my dad in that way, you know, I think it's really funny and awesome. And, you know, I think it's, I don't know, I think it's cool.

Speaker 40 It's a totally like different second act of your entire career.

Speaker 9 And it's, I mean, always sunny is, I think if you pull everyone in this office, it's a top five show for everyone.

Speaker 98 Yeah, that's cool.

Speaker 173 We've done enough of them.

Speaker 103 We're going to do more, though. We're going back.

Speaker 173 Yeah. We're going to go in.
You know, the guys are great to work with.

Speaker 173 You know, and they do a, they actually have a podcast, by the way.

Speaker 56 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 173 That they've been doing. I haven't been on it yet.
But the whole idea is that we're going to go back, I think, in January for season

Speaker 165 could be 16?

Speaker 173 yeah something like that man but we have a good time doing it and you just say like look

Speaker 173 and I do almost anything basically you know it's written that we talk about it and everything like do am I gonna come out of a couch naked or am I gonna am I gonna jump flat fall out a window lose my mind am I gonna be slimed and what's gonna happen and I'm I'm game you know I did whitey tighties naked in that or half half naked in a couple shows where I was laying on the ground oh yeah was that

Speaker 54 slime Nightworms?

Speaker 25 I was watching the slides. Was that the game you were playing?

Speaker 173 Oh, well, you mean

Speaker 173 with Charlie?

Speaker 34 Yeah,

Speaker 18 you just crawl around on your stomach in the middle of the night.

Speaker 54 Yeah, we do that.

Speaker 173 I mean, I shit in the bed once.

Speaker 54 You know,

Speaker 201 they're a little nuts, those guys.

Speaker 117 I think the great part about that show is that

Speaker 30 you can keep getting away with a lot of stuff.

Speaker 14 All the characters can do basically whatever they want because the unspoken joke that the audience is in on is that all these characters are detestable.

Speaker 54 Yeah, they yeah, and they're bad, and they're all assholes.

Speaker 16 They're all assholes.

Speaker 14 So, you can say things on that show that you wouldn't be able to say if you were not operating under that premise.

Speaker 18 So, I guess my question would be: Has there ever been a moment where they tried to write something that was so out there that you're like,

Speaker 30 I don't think we can make this funny?

Speaker 173 Well, no, they did one thing.

Speaker 173 We try everything, you know, we try all kinds of stuff, but they did one thing.

Speaker 25 I remember it was early morning.

Speaker 173 I was going to go to work, I was about to go to a read-through of the first

Speaker 173 script for that season. I can't remember which season.
And somebody handed me a script at the house and said, look, the guys have changed their mind.

Speaker 173 They're going to do this script instead of the one you were going to read.

Speaker 25 And I said, oh, oh, God, okay.

Speaker 173 They said, but they want you to read it right away.

Speaker 173 And they're all in the office and they want to hear what you have to say. Because they're going to change up.
And this is going to be the first show of the season. I said, cool.

Speaker 173 So I started reading it. And it's a show, normal show.

Speaker 38 They're in the bar.

Speaker 173 They're doing some prank. They're doing something.
They're trying to get over on somebody. And they need a hooker.
So they send me out to get a hooker. So I go in a car.
I go to get a hooker.

Speaker 173 I get arrested immediately. Page four.
I get arrested, right? I'm thrown in jail. I'm in a shower getting banged by some guy.

Speaker 54 Okay, wait a while.

Speaker 173 So, and I read, and then they go back to the bar and they're doing some wearing antics and everything.

Speaker 165 They wrote an entire script where I I get banged like six times by white supremacists, by cops, by everybody, until the very last moment.

Speaker 173 Frank is like, you know, description of me laying on a cot.

Speaker 173 I'm depleted.

Speaker 25 You know, I've been banged by everybody. And

Speaker 173 the cop says, somebody

Speaker 102 made your bail.

Speaker 173 And I go, oh, thank God, I get up, you know, and it says he's walking.

Speaker 25 He can't walk.

Speaker 173 And finally, the cop, this this big guy, says, he's got a billy club in his hand. He says, well, Frank, you're not going to leave before you say goodbye.

Speaker 61 And he throws me down on the ground.

Speaker 159 And all the cops come.

Speaker 173 And in the very last moment of the script, the cop leans into me and says,

Speaker 164 April Fool, motherfucker.

Speaker 234 And I knew immediately that it was April 1st. And those sons of bitches

Speaker 54 wrote a whole script just to bust my boy.

Speaker 54 That's amazing.

Speaker 102 I called them up.

Speaker 234 They were all sitting around with the speakerphone, laughing their asses off.

Speaker 171 I was like an inch away from calling my lawyer.

Speaker 205 At the same time, like, it's a fucked-up script, but I could actually see that word.

Speaker 91 Yeah, it's a hilarious show.

Speaker 71 I mean, I'm sure it was a good script, right?

Speaker 199 Yeah, I visualized the whole thing. I was like, that's funny.

Speaker 54 We got to the end.

Speaker 232 Yeah, that year was big. 98 was huge.

Speaker 232 we saved that team from being the L.A. Cardinals.
I mean, they were the LA Cardinals, if not for 98.

Speaker 37 Yeah, and go to the playoffs. So

Speaker 38 that was your first time being a backup.

Speaker 83 The next time you were a backup was your last game, right?

Speaker 15 And I read the story.

Speaker 40 It's very funny. So

Speaker 16 it's a great story.

Speaker 83 Everyone should read it on Sports Illustrated.

Speaker 15 But Jake essentially tells a story that he's the backup. At first, he was upset that he was a backup, but then he realized, like, hey, why don't I enjoy this?

Speaker 37 Like, I'm going to go out and enjoy the fans eating hot dogs at halftime.

Speaker 84 So you get in the last game and you were just like, fuck it, I'm just going to throw it deep and see what happens.

Speaker 232 No, not at all.

Speaker 232 I was rolling to my left and saw Javon Walker taking a break, going deep. And so I let it go.
I mean, I think the ball traveled 50-plus yards in the air.

Speaker 232 Right when it was coming down, he got tripped and the guy came flying in and picked him off. So that was my last throw in the NFL,

Speaker 232 which I'm fine with.

Speaker 109 Yeah, right.

Speaker 232 I came to the league to try to make a play, and that's what I told. I walked by Shanahan.
He's looking at me like, what? And I'm like, trying to make a play, coach.

Speaker 232 Really sat down on the bench, and my coach, QB coach Pat McPherson comes over and he starts to pull something out. He's like, yeah,

Speaker 24 you can go ahead and get out of here.

Speaker 54 Get out of here.

Speaker 63 I'm not talking to you anymore.

Speaker 232 I don't need to tell you what I was doing. I mean, I was trying to make a play.

Speaker 54 I wanted to win the game.

Speaker 151 Jesus put me in the game.

Speaker 232 We win that game. We go to the playoffs.
I mean, just no offense to Jay either. It's just that was my team.
And when I came back out, that energy was still there.

Speaker 232 I felt it, and it felt good to kind of like my last curtain call was a haymaker rolling my leg trying to make a play.

Speaker 232 I threw 161 TDs in the NFL, and I also threw 161 interceptions.

Speaker 202 Oh, wow.

Speaker 54 That's sick.

Speaker 68 That's the definition of trying to make a play.

Speaker 58 I mean, I came out even, man.

Speaker 54 I made a lot of good ones and some bad ones.

Speaker 42 You are the ultimate hands-off-the-wheel guy.

Speaker 16 Like, that's so perfect that the universe ended your NFL career on that play with the same amount of touchdowns as interceptions.

Speaker 190 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 232 I mean, you know, it's kind of funny. There were about a good 10 of those, maybe maybe a little more, were Hail Marys at the end of the first half with the Cardinals, too.

Speaker 232 So keep in mind, I didn't throw it out of the end zone like a lot of QBs would for their rating.

Speaker 85 I was like, come on, let's get this defensive.

Speaker 61 I'm trying to make a play to Hail Mary.

Speaker 224 I'm trying to make a play.

Speaker 232 I put it into the end zone, and there'd be a defensive guy would pick it off. So at least 10 of those.
Even Dave Brown, my backup, was like, dude, throw those out of bounds.

Speaker 155 I'm like, are you kidding me, man?

Speaker 232 If we get a touchdown going in, we come out, we get another touchdown, we're only down by 14 now.

Speaker 58 Instead of 28, we got down by 14 like that.

Speaker 54 I mean, I never gave up till the clock was over.

Speaker 70 So that's awesome.

Speaker 232 That's what my teammates loved. I think that I just never let them be complacent.

Speaker 154 Everybody loves you. You guys are fantastic.
You're great for football. Thanks for having me on the show.

Speaker 154 But I'm feeling somewhere in the wind.

Speaker 154 So I'll let my mind be surprised. Stay after me.

Speaker 154 I'll take the way to save this of me. Take off to

Speaker 154 I like the way to stay to me. Day

Speaker 154 time.

Speaker 154 Drink on the day.

Speaker 154 Drink on the

Speaker 154 top of your turn.

Speaker 154 Slightly saving

Speaker 154 a lot of just the way we're in the way.

Speaker 154 You all feel things I've got to remember. Be shy and away.

Speaker 154 Love is coming for you anyway.

Speaker 154 Be a shy and away.

Speaker 154 Love's coming for you anyway.

Speaker 154 Take on me.

Speaker 154 I'll make

Speaker 154 you

Speaker 154 take

Speaker 154 me.