Texans Coach Lovie Smith, Morten Andersen, NFL Week 3 Picks And Preview

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On today's Pardon My Take, we have a twofer for the people. We have Coach Lovie Smith getting ready for the Texans-Bears.
We talk his team, the Texans, the best team he ever played for, his high school football team team his time with the bears we also have our good friend morton anderson in studio talking a little kicking hall of fame we do picks and preview for week three in the nfl talk about every game we have fantasy russell wilson's we have fire fest of the week a pack show for everyone ever had one of those days when it's just too cold to keep working nah neither has ariot ariot work jackets and boots are packed

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Boys! Boys! Now in the street there is violence and a lot of stuff. Work to be done.

No place to hang out or wash in.

And then I can't blame all on the sun.

Oh, no.

We're going to rock down to Electric Avenue.

And then we'll take it higher.

Oh, we're going to rock down to Electric Avenue. It's part of my take.

Is ended by Barstool Sports Welcome to a part of my take presented by Visible Visible.com Check it out today 5G ultra wide band and global calling available on the Visible Plus plan Today is Friday September 23rd and PFT I think Jacoby Brissett might be a guy. He is.
He looked good. He's their guy.
He's their guy but he's not the guy. There's definitely a difference too because if a coach is like he's our guy that means we're riding this guy right now until our main dude gets back.

Yeah, so he had a very good game.

The Browns right the ship.

They go 2-1.

They could easily be 3-0.

And the breaking moves that I just saw and said, uh-oh, breaking moves.

Mike Tomlin was asked afterwards, are you thinking about making a change at QB or play callers in the mini buy? I never heard it was mini buy. Yeah, I like that.
His response, definitively no. Okay.
So Mitch is keeping his job. I know there's Steelers fans calling for Kenny Pickett.
It's the right move. But Mitch is keeping his job.
I'm going to run that through the Mike Tomlin translator. Definitively no.
It's double no almost. I think it's almost too much of a no.
It's a lot of no. Mike Tomlin, if he really meant no, he would have said no.
But it's like when O.J. Simpson, when they asked him what he pled at the trial, he goes absolutely, positively, 100%, not guilty.
Not guilty. It's too much.
It's me thinks the lady doth protest too much on that one. And it's actually funny because we do have Lovey Smith on the show and we brought up the Rex is our quarterback.
This feels like maybe one of those moments where he's adamant. Mitch is his guy.
Yeah. I don't know if Mitch is his guy.
The Steelers are – it feels like every week they have a different problem and all of it can be solved is just TJ Watt was healthy because they showed that stat where essentially I think they're giving up five points more a game and they have a half a sack without him. But George Pickens doesn't seem happy.
Made a great catch. Doesn't seem happy.
Was offsides on the onside kick. I don't really know what to make.
Like Najee Harris sometimes looks awesome and then other times their offensive line looks like trash., yeah, I don't know what to make of the Steelers. I don't think that they have problems that are going to be fixed by just a quarterback replacement.
No, I think it's just T.J. Watt.
If you look at T.J. Watt, that stat that they showed, it wasn't just the sacks and the points.
It was also like the team's overall record. Right.
And like we joke around sometimes, like with Jimmy G, it's like the dude's a winner. Just let him get out there and win.
When, you know, every other stat shows that he's, like, an average to slightly below average quarterback. And, you know, giving quarterback wins as a stat is one that, like, there's a certain degree of truth to it where you want a guy that's a good leader.
And there are some guys that are winners, some guys that are losers. But it's an overvalued stat for quarterbacks.
I actually think that it works with TJ Watt in terms of defensive linemen wins for TJ Watt.

He makes that much of a difference on their defense where he's getting triple teamed every time.

That it opens up everything.

Their defense plays at a different level.

But I don't think that the problems that they have to solve can be solved by going to Kenny Pickett.

In fact, I think it would just kind of screw with Kenny Pickett a little bit.

Yeah, because they put him in an obviously flawed team. Right, Right.
I agree with that. And I do root for Mitch.
It kind of sucks. I feel like Mitch would have been great if he had just stayed like a backup for a decade and just been cashing checks like the new Chase Daniel.
So I do think that he has a career as a backup if he wants one. Because he seems like a good dude.
he's like slightly mobile enough to be like kind of weird and dodgy if he has to come into a game and scramble for a first down but the problem is as always with backups if they show too much as a starter you can kind of ruin your backup reputation so hopefully he just like doesn't show next game if he goes like oneception, call it 56% passing, that'll be the perfect stat line for Mitch

to pursue a career as a backup quarterback.

Right, right, exactly.

And by the way, so speaking of the Browns,

I guess if you're a Browns fan, you have to do glass half full,

not glass half empty because you could sit there

and beat yourself up about you should be 3-0.

But the Browns have the Falcons next, and then they have the Chargers and the Patriots at home. The Browns could very well be a 4-2 team after six weeks here, and again, you could beat yourself up and be like, oh, we could have been 5-1, but I think they could win one of those two games at home.
So, Big Cat, I had a thought a second ago. What if Desha sean watson comes back later on this season and the browns are a good team like offensively i think they've got one of the best offensive lines in football uh they've got they run the ball they've got they chunt you to death at the running back position i think he had like combined like 150 yards tonight 160 yards yeah it was awesome i just love watching nick chubb run the ball yeah he just like turtles over to he engulfs the ball into his like solar plexus and he like almost folds over it in half and then he just starts moving his legs and he'll move a pile of like six dudes that are trying to attack and the beautiful thing about the Browns when you have a running game like that it's it's like beautiful football to watch a running game like that and then watch perfect play action passes like nine yard passes to the tight end.
Yeah. Because everyone has to be ready for the run.
And it's like, you know, play action is almost it's not a lost art, but it doesn't happen as much as it used to because teams don't run the ball the same way they used to. But with the Browns, it's like, no, you have to be scared that these guys are going to run the ball on every single down.
Although Kevin Stefanski was like he was he was doing some wild shit, some empty sets on third and one and stuff. I think he was just getting freaky with it.
He runs the pro form sometimes. Remember that from Madden when you have both your running backs in the game? No fullbacks, but you've got two halfbacks split out to each side.
People stopped doing that for a while. I don't know why.
It always looked awesome to run Madden. I'm glad that they're bringing that back a little bit they put like a backup lineman in at fullback yes they took a few guys out on the goal line that was sick but i was thinking like deshaun watson he's coming back yep whether you like it or not he's gonna come that's kind of his mo but uh he is he's gonna be playing quarterback later on this year and the team is good enough to the point where they can get into the playoffs like what if deshaun watson what if the browns go to the super bowl and deshaun watson is the quarterback of the browns this i i kind of was like everyone i would want to root for the browns in the super bowl but not with deshaun watson i also like this um trend we're doing with this show where like whatever game just happened the winner of that game like like right now we have the bills playing the eagles playing the Browns in the Super Bowl.
No, but you know what I'm saying, though. No, I agree.
The Browns aren't bad. They're a good team without their arguably top five quarterbacks.
What you're saying, and I agree with you, is the Browns and the Lions are the two teams that I think that if they somehow ever got to a Super Bowl, the majority of America would be rooting for them. Kind of similar to the Bengals last year.
But then you throw in the... The Bills, I think, are in that.
Yeah, the Bills are probably in that category as well. But then you throw in the Deshaun Watson part, and you're like, oh, maybe not.
It's actually the most Browns thing ever. Right.
If they win a Super Bowl... And America hates them.
And America hates the shit out of them. It should be their moment, their crowning moment of like, this team has never won a Super Bowl and America hates them it should be their moment their crowning moment of like this team has never won a Super Bowl holy shit this is incredible and like ah fuck they win the most hateable Super Bowl of all time yes so I don't want to Jake and Billy spent the night watching the game here so why don't you guys say something so it wasn't a waste I do feel feel bad because it is true.
We do these quick. We've already taped the majority of the show, so we only do these for like five minutes.
So I want you guys to have it feel like it was worthwhile. Was the catch better than Odell's? Good question.
Let's have the conversation. I think yes.
I have a convincing argument. He was facing away from the ball coming towards him, unlike Odell, who was facing the ball.
He did have it on his fingertips. It wasn't a touchdown.
Yeah, that was going to be my counterpoint. We're talking about the best catch, not the best touchdown.
Yeah. Okay, but the touchdown, it does affect how good the catch was.
Oh, of course. In the distance of the catch.

Yeah, the distance.

The ball was thrown a lot further.

Also, it was from Eli Manning, so that gives it a little extra pop for Odell.

This one, it's going to be from Mitch Trubisky, who's better than Eli Manning, so maybe even

makes it pop more.

Yeah.

That was close.

Is a shorter thrown ball harder to catch?

Ooh, no. Faster? No.
Less time to look at it. That's true.
Fewer time. Yeah.
Okay, Jake, your thoughts? It was interesting how you guys said Jacoby Brissett might be the guy when Deshaun Watson's on your guy list as a Monday. Can one team have two guys? Yeah, you can have two guys.
Kenny and Mitch. Two guys, yeah.
There it is. Two of them were on your list.

Yeah, no, no, no.

They're both on my list, obviously.

No, I just think Jacoby Brissett deserves credit

because he's playing great football,

and he has been put in a situation that's probably not ideal,

knowing that you're playing for your own job, for your own future,

but you also know that this isn't your team.

And he, I mean, what did we say? Last Sunday against the Jets, I think he completed over 80% of his passes. He's been very good.
I think if they end up two games above .500 by the time he's done, he might be in the conversation for best backup quarterback in the league. He's been in some interesting situations with the Brady Deflategate, right? Didn't he take over? Yep.
He's a over for Jimmy G. And he also, he might be, since Tom Brady's getting up there in age, he might be one of the best QB sneak guys in the league.
We remember when he was on the Colts and he would be the guy who would go in for Phil Rivers to QB sneak because Phil Rivers refused to do it. But it was, yeah, I'm happy for Jacoby Brissett because, like, this is his chance.
Similar to the Mitch conversation, if he plays well enough, he will have maybe another starting shot, but at least a backup shot for a very long time. He'll have, how old is he right now? Jacoby Brissett, if I had to guess, I would say like 30...
32. No, 29.
Whoa! Okay, yeah, so it's got from 2016. This is huge.
So if Jacoby Brissett does stay like two games above 500, I think he'll probably have a backup quarterback job for the next eight years. Yeah.
I think he'll be set. And that kind of is a guy.
You can have two guys. You're a guy sexual.
Now Hank is just scoffing at us because we have completely diminished the initial argument. But you can have a backup quarterback.
He's a guy as far as being a backup. He's a guy in terms of backups, yes.
He's the guy. There are certain backups that if the starter goes down, you're like, our season's fucked.
We're totally screwed. Jacoby Brissett is in the camp of like, he could maybe keep us afloat.
You know what it means when you say he's our guy? No, I've got it. This is crystal clear for me.
Saying he's our guy about a backup means we're not looking to get another starting quarterback off the street. We're not going to make a trade.
We're not going to try to make a splash. That's what a backup quarterback is.
We have our guy. He's our guy at backup.
He's not the guy, but he's our guy. That's every backup quarterback.
No, it's not. Brian Hoyer.
No, there's some quarterbacks that if your starter gets hurt, Josh Rosen. You panicked.
You smashed that. You just described a backup quarterback.
No, it's not. Brian Hoyer.
No, there's some quarterbacks that if your starter gets hurt. Josh Rosen.
You panicked. You smashed that.
You just described a backup quarterback. Yeah, we have.
No. We've flooded.
There's guy inflation on this show now. Joe and I agree.
He did it again. I'll leave you with this.
Guess how much money Jacoby Brissett has made in his career. Not so as a It's always a fun game.
$42 million. You looked it up.
I didn't. $42 million.
That's your count. Put it on the record, Jake.
The lottery. Well, it was actually 42-8-8.
Is that like a mini lottery? No, it does not count. Put it on the record.
Wait, let me double check. No, it was 43.
It's rounded up to 43, so you're not right. That was a good guess.
That was a great guess. Hank, I'll say it.
Great job. That's crazy.
Wait, guess the next digit. 42, no.
Yeah, smart. Just do it.
Smart. That was a test.
You're 10 digits. He heard me say it, but he is...
8. Yeah, he heard me say it.
He heard me say it. Wow, Hank got that one too.
Hank, you're really good. Damn.
Shit. But yeah, credit to Jacoby Brissett.
Credit to the Browns, two and one. Also, I just like saying dog check.
Yeah. Dog check.
Dog check. Dog check.
Oh, oh, oh, oh. And last thing, Amazon, like, dude, what are they doing with the mics in the crowds? I can't hear the crowd.
It happened with Thursday night. I forgot to mention it last week.
Arrowhead felt silent. Like, I i want to hear the crowd it's the loudest stadium in the nfl i want to hear the crowd it seemed really quiet and they did it again tonight that's one thing they got to figure out that i guess they don't have enough of those satellite dishes that the people on the sidelines hold you need to put those like make it sound louder than it really is yes that's that's like broadcasting 101 i'd much rather give me some flavor for environment right here, Jeff Bezos.
Yes, pump it up. Pump it up.
I think they had more Amazon commercials during the Amazon broadcast tonight. Yeah.
Thankfully, we had some college football games to distract us. And Aaron Judge, the cameraman should be fired from Fox.
I think that was hilarious. That was unreal.
It was very funny. He treated it like Aaron Judge put the ball on the fucking moon, and then it was like five feet short on the warning track.
It's funny because you don't think of the camera guy's responsibility during a seminal moment like that. I heard Big Cat say if you were the Red Sox pitcher, you would groove one down the middle, so you'd be on the highlight reel for all time.
If you're a bad pitcher. If you're a good pitcher, I wouldn't do it.
If I was a middle reliever guy who was like, I'm never going to be a great pitcher, I think I would lean being in... Be a trivia question.
Yeah, being in history rather than being a known... I think of Pat Light.
I agree. Pat Light makes funny TikToks where he's like, I struck out Mike Trout, but I also gave up 14 runs in a half inning inning.
Like, if that were my, if I was like, hey, this thing's probably not going to work out long-term pitching in Major League Baseball, I think I could make some funny content being like, guess who gave up 61? Me. Flash in the pan, but like you make the flashes as bright as you can.
Exactly. You're probably in Cooperstown.
Right. You're part of a moment in history.
So we think about the players that are involved in the play,

but we don't think about the camera guy because the camera guy knows that what he's recording,

that's going to be what everyone sees for all time.

Now, your name's not on it,

but it is going to be your piece of work,

and you're going to tell your kids, like, I filmed that.

So this guy had it in his head how he was going to do

the cinematography of it it and he thought he fucking

nailed nailed it he thought that this was a piece he thought this was better than citizen kane baby he had like the angle on it he was like zooming out to show how wide it was going and then as it zooms out and pans down the guy's just standing at the warning track oh and judge knew it wasn't gone you could see in his face like he knew that it wasn't gone ever like i'm sure the obviously the crowd because every crowd gets duped by home run balls.

But man, that Fox camera guy. Find a new job.
Seriously. Now it's Apple TV time.
Now it's Apple TV time. I hope so bad.
Hope he gets two. I hope so bad.
Hope he gets two. I hope he goes yard.
And it's the Apple TV broadcast that no one can watch, and everyone's going to hate to call up. Yep.
Yep. Okay, let's kick it to ourselves.
Back in studio, and then we've got a couple interviews coming up. Before we get to the weekend preview.
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Week three, excited.

We have our first Loser Leaves Town game.

Interesting.

Raiders-Titans.

I believe that is a lead.

You think that's it?

I think whoever starts 0-3 there, it's a wrap.

Yeah, I need somebody to bring up the stats. I'm sure that by the time you're listening to this, they've already run the stat on Football Friday on ESPN somewhere showing the percentage of teams that start out 0-3 that make the playoffs, and I'm pretty sure it's probably like 6%.
Yeah, and now I did have, there's a Raiders podcaster. His name is escaping me.
I apologize. I did watch his, he did the very smart thing where he, like, released his YouTube recap of the Raiders game and was, like, addressing Stephen A.
Smith's comments about the Raiders and Big Cat saying he's going to cut off his pinky. So I was like, well, I guess I got to click this to see what he said.
And he had the stat that four times an 0-2 team has made it to the Super Bowl. And three out of four times they've won the Super Bowl.
So, a little scary. But it basically never happens that they make it to the Super Bowl.
Well, his whole point was the 2001 Patriots were one of those teams. And Josh McDaniels was on that staff.
So, he's going to go into that locker room and be like, I started 0-2. And look what I did.
So, if Derek Carr gets his ribs broken, then who's backing him up? That's the question. I don't know.
And then also he conveniently, let me see, when was Josh McDaniels on the Broncos head coach? That was 2000. That was with Tebow, right? Yeah, that was eight.
Yeah, okay. So he conveniently also left out the fact that he put up the graphic that showed all the 0-2 teams that won the Super Bowl.
And so the 2001 Patriots is one of them, which he was like, Josh McDaniel was on that staff, and he just skipped over the fact that also the 2007 New York Giants were on that list. Josh McDaniel was part of that as well.
Interesting. And they had went and beaten the Patriots.
It definitely was in 2009. I want to say it was like 2010.
2009-2010. 2009-2010.
And 2010 was the, I think that was the Tebow year where things really fell off for him. Yes.
So the Raiders podcast, I like to imagine that the Raiders gorilla has a podcast. I hope so.
Where he just like is in costume the entire time, actually breaking down like serious numbers and analytics for the Raiders. One thing we didn't talk about week I can't believe we forgot about this Stephen A.
Smith when he was giving his analysis for the Chargers I think he said the Chargers were going to score more points than anybody oh yes I saw also lose somehow that's see that was when that Stephen A. Smith has a few of these remember he did it a couple years ago where he's like, the Chargers have Hunter Henry back.
It's like, no, he's out for the season. Yeah.
He just short circuits every now and then because he has to be on TV like 75 hours a day every day, and then he gets his information. I don't like when people own him on that.
We make a lot of mistakes on this show. We say a lot of stupid things.
Sometimes his brain flashes back like four years like four years right which it happens a lot if you talk about sports you just you get stuck in a time warp a little bit and you think it's 2016 it happens to the best of us and the only thing though he did take a month off he did take a month off to reset with a shoulder injury to reset his brain so i'd like to see a little bit more time after that before a new mistake gets made i have uh two weeks in a row now both weeks of the nfl season for some stupid reason i write down i'm the one who types the boomers while we all collaborate and put them you know put them together and for some reason i've written down two wrong scores and so monday morning i've woken up and people have been like you got the score wrong you got the score wrong you score wrong. I think I'm going to lean into it and just get a wrong score every week.
Either that or we just – It's usually like two points off. Or we just have Jake write the score parts to the game.
Yeah, no, I think one wrong a week, and this will test true AWLs. So the ones who are listening right now, you'll know that there will be one score wrong a week, and then the people who try to correct me, you look like an idiot because it was just a prank, bro.
Also, good luck fact-checking this podcast. Yeah.
If that's your mission to fact-check this, then you're going to spend more time running your fact-check on the show than we do actually making the show. It's going to be like Bitcoin where the amount of energy it takes to make Bitcoin is worth more than the Bitcoin.
The amount of energy it takes for your computer to fact check this show is far more expensive than just listening to the show. Yeah, it would take a room full of people.
It would take, how many do we have in this room right now? Six people? It would take eight people, seven days to fact check one episode apart of my tape. Yes, yes.
Okay, so let's do our picks. We'll talk about every game.
You want to give us the updated records? I think it's pretty bad.

It's pretty bad.

We have two groups right now.

Me, Hank, and Big Cat at 3-5.

PFT, Billy, and Max at 2-6.

15-33.

Okay, so we're all bad.

31%.

We're all very bad.

You know what?

It's not how you start.

It's how you finish.

Yeah, it's also how you start a little bit.

A little bit.

A little bit.

There's also a big part in starting.

No, that's a saying you use when you start like shit all the time. Yeah, when you start bad, it's like, okay, we have a lot of room to improve on everything.
The good news is we can't be as bad as last week. And we're a little...
No, we can. Oh, we can.
We did improve week one to week two. Yeah.
And we can be as bad. We can be worse.
So who's in last week's game? We had 27 wins through two weeks last year. Yeah, but last season was different.
Last season was so easy. We just saw everything.
Big Cotton Hank went 4-0 in week two last year. It was easy.
It was easy. It was easy last year.
This year, not so much. Okay, let's hop into it.
Let's start with our favorites. We'll throw in some stats, talk about the games.
Hank. My favorite, Bills Mafia.
Oh. Okay.
All right, interesting. Kind of a square pick, but I appreciate it.
And we have brought up the O in the last name. And you're coming from the guy that's 2-6 over here.
Also, I'm also on the Bills. Okay.
Sharp. Two sharps right here.
Two sharps, you and Billy. I'm very excited for this game because we're either going to— Five and a half against the Dolphins.
Five and a half. We're either going to find out if the Dolphins are for real for real or if the Bills are just like no one's going to them.
I think the Bills' defense is going to shut them up. I think the Dolphins are good, but I think the Bills' defense is that good.
I think two rookie cornerbacks starting for the Bills because Tredavious White, isn't he still out? Is he still out? I think he's still out. But he's been out.
No, no, he's been out. But then the really scary neck injury, which thankfully is okay.
I can't remember who it was. I want to say Dane Cook, but that's a comedian.
No, it's Dane Cook. Jackson.
Dane Jackson. That was half right.
I thought it was Dane Cook, too. Yeah, I thought it was Dane Cook as well.
So just something to look at. Jalen Waddell and Tyree Kilvers, two rookie cornerbacks.
But the strength of the Bills' defense is in their pass rush and being able to get to the quarterback with four people because they never blitz. They're not blitzing at all, and I think they're in the top five, I want to say, in quarterback pressures.
Yeah, they've been incredible. So they're all over the place.
I will say, though, that if the Dolphins win this, I'm going to start using the word hot shot from Mike McDaniel. Nobody's dropped the hot.
Everyone says, like, oh, McVay, one of these hot shot coaches. No one's talked about the word hot shot with McDaniel yet.
He's close to being boy genius as well. So it's hot shot or, yeah, wunderkind could also be talked about.
I'm just at the point, too, where I'm hoping this is the case, but, like, Vaughn Miller just goes to a different team every year and just becomes incredible. Like, could he have the most Super Bowls ever if he just keeps hopping around? Like Robert Ory.
Like, remember when Von Miller, at the end of the Broncos years, is like, is he kind of done? And now he's just, like, last year and this year, he's just Von Miller again. The thing about Von Miller is he's never, like, an intimidating-looking person.
He He's never making like – he's not a screamer. He's not a yeller.
He doesn't seem scary when he's talking to the press or he's just hanging out. He's like a low-key kind of guy, and he doesn't look huge and jacked up most of the time.
But he's just so fucking flexible, and he's so fast that he's able to just throw people off like it's jiu-jitsu. It's kind of crazy.
Yeah. If you want to look at cool Von Miller stuff, the ghost move that he does.
And he did a double ghost, I think, week one, where he just makes the linemen just look completely silly. Oh, it's judo is what it is.
He'll step to one side and then use their own momentum and then throw them behind him. No, he doesn't even touch them.
The ghost move, he doesn't even touch them. He just literally just like, it's almost like a crossover in basketball.
He just shakes them and then he runs right by them. There's the ghost and then there's the augmented ghost where you step to one side.
The offensive lineman comes at you. Then you like grab over their head and pull them back and throw them on the ground.
He's just, it turns out he's really good still. Yes, very, very good.
And this is also the game where we're going to have to update it. If Josh Allen wins, that will be, I think, an even 20 in a row on quarterbacks with the last name that doesn't have the letter O in it.
O in it, yeah. So something to look out for.
All right, that's Billy and Hank's pick. Max? Vikings minus six.
I kind of like this. Yeah, I do too.
I kind of like this. Bounce back game.
I like it. Kirk Cousins at one o'clock.
Yeah, Kirk Cousins at one o'clock. Perfect.
Kirk Cousins. Everyone loves Detroit.
Everyone's like, hey, look at Detroit. And then the Vikings couldn't have looked worse.
The only thing that scares me about this is we should start having a conversation about Dan Campbell, the greatest against the spread coach of all time. He's 13-6.
He's got to lose some time.

Well, he doesn't.

He can just cover.

Yeah, so he loses a lot, but he covers a lot.

But he's got to lose a cover sometimes.

Yeah, 13-6 is a pretty ridiculous against the spread record.

I have the other side of this.

We'll wait for that.

Yeah, we'll wait for that.

Yeah, we'll get to that.

Okay, you guys will go head-to-head.

PFT and I have the same favorite.

Yeah, Bengals minus five.

It's my game of the month. Over the Jets.

I love.

I'm terrified of how much I love the Bengals.

We'll see you next week. okay, you guys will go head-to-head.
PFT and I have the same favorite. Yeah, Bengals minus five.
It's my game of the month. Over the Jets.
I love, I'm terrified of how much I love the Bengals. I see six now.
Oh, six? Fine, even better. I like it better at six.
Five is a coward number. I love, it's Burrow Dark 30.
Joe Burrow has deleted social media from his phone. He's going, that's LeBron, the classic LeBron move.
Another Ohio boy, Joe Burrow is, it is like a panic button game if they lose this game well all right so there's a couple reasons that I I they I made them my game of the month um the first is as bad as the offensive line for the Bengals has looked and it has looked terrible I think we're forgetting that um TJ Watt and Micah Parsons might be besides Aaron Donald they're two of the three best I would probably have Micah Parsons one right now, but a healthy TJ Watt is either two or three. So they're two of the three best defenders that wreck games in the NFL.
That's who they played the first two weeks because obviously TJ Watt didn't get injured to the end of that game. The Jets don't have Micah Parsons or TJ Watt, so I feel like this will be the week that everyone's like, look, the Bengals kind of figured out their offensive line.
And then the other part, they lost to the Bengals, or the Bengals lost to the Jets last year. Can't overlook it.
The Jets just came off a miraculous win, and the Bengals, their season is kind of on the line. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
It's a panic button game for the Bengals, and the game last year was bullshit. They should have beaten the Jets.
That was the Mike White game, right? That was the Mike White game, and also there was a phantom call in overtime that absolutely screwed them over. I think Billy did apologize for that game.
You counted that as a Jets loss, right? It was a targeting call on a running back. Yeah.
Yeah, so I don't think the Bengals are going to overlook this at all because they have to win this game. Yes.
They're 0-2. Yes.
So it's a must. I'm going to say it's a must win for the Bengals.
I agree. Not even a can't lose.
It's a must win for the Bengals. Must win all the way through.
Who's your favorite, Billy? It was the Bills. Oh, the Bills.
That's right. All right.
Jake. I'm going with the Chiefs minus 5.5 at the Colts.
I think it's a little bit of a trap line. Yeah, it is.
It's a very big trap line. You'd expect eight or nine points, but Yeah, the boys on the desert are licking their chops right now about this one.
They're happy. Yeah.
You've fallen into the trap, Jake. It's so big of a trap that you take it.
I want to bet the Chiefs so badly, but I'm so nervous because the Thursday night game, Patrick Holmes threw like six interceptions and none of them counted. And Gus Bradley is so bad against Patrick Mahomes.
He actually had a press conference. He's the DC for the Colts.
He had a press conference yesterday where he said about playing the Chiefs last year when he was with the Raiders. He said, I think earlier we played a lot of single high against them and did some really good things points-wise, held them down last year.
That's just not even close to true. One game they did give up five turnovers, but the other one, Patrick Mahomes, was 20 for 24.
Sorry, Patrick Mahomes had five touchdowns and absolutely roasted Gus Bradley. I think he's something ridiculous like 7-1 against Gus Bradley defenses.
Now, to be fair, some of those Gus Bradley defenses, were they? No, that was post-Jaguars. 6-1 against Gus Bradley defenses.
Points per game, 33.2. Completion rate, 65.2%.
And 17 touchdowns, two touchdowns two interceptions so doesn't feel and now Patrick Holmes is good no matter what but it feels like Gus Bradley might not have the Patrick Mahomes stopper I just saw I saw a stat the other day that said Patrick Mahomes was um he had the luckiest luck when it when it came to interceptions and dropped inter, I mean, Thursday night. But no, I'm talking about like over the course of the last three seasons entirely.
So in terms of not just week one and week two where we did see a shitload of dropped interceptions, but like 2020, 2021, he was the most interceptable quarterback of all time in terms of like balls that were dropped. It's a skill.
So it's a skill. It's like free throw defense.
I don't know what it is. Yeah, or like field goal defense to a certain extent, too.
I don't know what it is. Maybe defensive players are so shocked that they're able to intercept.
They're like, oh, shit, I'm about to intercept Patrick Mahomes, that they get inside their own heads and they drop the ball. But I feel like at some point that luck has to start to change, right? The game I was referring to that Gus Bradley was like, yeah, we kind of held him down points-wise.
I actually remember, I think it was a Sunday night game and everyone was like, the Raiders are coming, the Raiders are coming. They were 5-3 and the Chiefs were 5-4.
So it was like, oh, the Chiefs were kind of down. Patrick Mahomes went 35 for 50, 406 yards TD zero interceptions didn't really hold him down yeah Billy we had that exact conversation about Patrick Mahomes interceptable balls this time last season did we yeah and we said it's probably now that stat is correcting itself and then after that short term where we thought it was going to correct he actually just kept going yeah I mean he I mean, he threw like four interceptions.
So what Billy's saying is like, we were just a little bit early last year. Now's the time when we're right about this.
You could find the recording where we say like, yeah, he's due to be the stat to be corrected. The market correction is imminent right now.
And with all that said, I just can't bet the Chiefs because I feel like this is one of those NFL rigged games where you're just like, the Chiefs are the better team, the Colts are a mess, but they'll just figure out a way to cover or win. Yeah, I actually do like the Colts in this.
I like the Colts. We are like, what was it, Christian Bale's character from the big short sitting in the room getting calls from all our investors being like, what are you doing? We're losing money.
losing money. I'm just wait.
Just wait. My system is right.
Patrick Mahomes will eventually throw interceptions. Trust me on this.
And then, of course, what most likely will happen is they'll win by three touchdowns. Of course.
And we'll be like, wow, we really overthought that one. Yeah, that's the thing.
I could easily see 21-3 at half. It's my old theory about being embarrassed.
Like, if you make a bet like when you're betting against bill belichick or nick saban you have the added uh element that you can feel so

embarrassed because people are like how could you bet against this guy right so if you bet on the

colts here like the bills on monday right you have to know that you're betting on the colts it might

be the sharp side it might be the correct side but there's an element of you could lose and lose so badly that everyone's going to be like,

I'm like,

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I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, as I'm exploring the deep numbers of this matchup, I'm seeing the Colts coming off an embarrassing loss against the Jaguars. Correct.
And everybody's burying the colts everyone's like i can't believe you lost and it's high against the texans and an embarrassing loss as they tied the texans everyone's burying the colts now is the time to invest in the colts correct buy low sell high but again the embarrassment factor but also so what if i'm right right so those are the angels and demons on her shoulder You got the demon on her shoulder being like, hey, you could be the one that's right. The first person.
And then the angels like, hey, just be smart. Just be smart about it.
I'm going to bet on the Colts on Sunday morning. And I know that there's the embarrassment factor.
Okay. Your underdogs.
Underdogs. Henry.
Colts. Colts.
There it is. Okay.
I like it. That is, I mean, that makes me like the Colts even more because Hank usually spots these.
Will they be in part of the Hungry Dog Parlay? I think they should. I think they probably will be.
Who else is going to be in it? Oh. Oh.
Patriots. Okay.
Mm-hmm. And? And? Say it.
Say it, Hank. You know you want to.
Oh, Dolphins? You know you want to, Hank. Are you going to see the Jets? You know you want to.
Titans. Oh, boo.
Okay, boo, boo, boo. All right, Max, your underdog.
This one's gross, but the game is just going to be weird. I'm taking Jags plus seven in LA Chargers.
I don't hate it because we don't know what is going to happen with Justin Herbert. He might not play.
He might get Chase Daniel plus seven against Chase Daniels, a pretty good bet. We also have – we've discussed this before on this podcast, but Peyton Manning, what he this uh league it just his legacy is forever because he had just two or one terrible rookie year and then not a great second year um or no he was actually good his second year but he had a terrible rookie year so every quarterback that's ever drafted you can just be like well Peyton Manning was terrible his first year um and we have a stat for that Trevor Trevor Lawrence is 0-9 on the road to start his career.
He'll try to get his first road win Sunday against the Chargers. Only QB to lose his first nine road starts and then win his 10th is Peyton Manning.
So Peyton Manning lost his first nine road starts. His first road win, kind of wild, Jake, was week three, his second season against the Chargers.
Isn't that wild? That is wild. That's wild.
I went to my stat guru, who is Uncle Chaps, when it comes to anything related to the Jaguars. He feeds me these sad Jacksonville Jaguars stats on almost a weekly basis.
And the one this week was the Jaguars are 3-14 in their last 17 games on the West Coast. Pretty bad.
The Jags don't travel well. What are they overall? So I was thinking about that.
Because that's one of those ones like, they stink overall. They do stink overall.
What are they overall without the Colts? But if you think about it this way, this means that they stink for like a longer period of time if it's 17 games going back that far. Because remember, it wasn't that long ago that they had Blake Bortles and they were a dominant team.
Yeah, they were a play away from the Super Bowl. It's fucking Miles Jack.
Yeah. All right, your underdog, PFT.
I'm also doing the Colts. Sam Ellinger vibes.
He might get in. Nice.
He might get in. He might be activated.
It seems that the crowd in Indy is turning on Matt Ryan so soon. Yeah.
They're just turning on the entire franchise. Also, this entire Colts breakdown is subject to change depending on whether or not Jim Irsay opens the roof or closes.
I'm banking on an open roof. So if he does tweet out that the roof is closed at some point after these words are coming out of my mouth, I reserve the right to rescind my underdog pick.
Is that okay? Yes. Can I make that contingent? Yes.
That tweet means business for me. Yes.
And instead, I'm going to change it. I'm going to go to the Lions.
I'm going to do the Lions as my backup. Does that actually count for our record?.
Yeah, but I'm saying that you can do two picks? No, I'm saying it right now. Billy, don't roll your eyes at me, young man.
We had something like this last year where Jim Irsay's roof open tweet. It's a big fucking deal.
That is a big deal. It's sponsored and everything.
Yeah. I'm going to allow it just for Jim Irsay.
So if the roof's open, you're sticking with the Colts?

I have every reason to believe that the roof will be open this weekend.

But if it's closed.

What's the weather?

What's the weather in Indy on Sunday?

I'll allow it.

I think that's fair.

74 and sunny.

Okay.

So it will be open.

It will be open.

Okay.

My underdog is very gross.

I'm taking the Panthers plus three against the Saints. I mean, Jameis has a broken back.
Yeah. I don't know.
And I feel like the Panthers are so bad, but a division home dog, I don't know. I don't have the stats in front of me.
I'm going to say it hits at 75%. That feels right.
Two Heisman winning quarterbacks. Yep.
Fuck. It's gross.
I'm going to... That's going to be one that I'm going to be very upset at myself on Sunday when I turn on that game.
I'm like, ugh, why'd I bet the Panthers? This to me has the vibe of a game where if the Panthers lose, then Matt Rule is officially fired. Yeah.
And they might not announce it for a couple weeks, but he can't reclaim his season after this point. Correct.
Bill, you're underdog. I'm going with a hard Lions.
We're going only Lions. So I like the Lions, plus six.
I think that they're looking for games that they can win to really go after for their record. I think they know that they can beat the Vikings.
Look, they're not going to show up. If the Chiefs come into town, I think it's going to be a little less high vibes.
But as they did with the commanders, they're going to go after teams they know they can take down. They did almost beat the Eagles, though, in week one.
Right. They thought that was a team they could take down.
So they're like lions. They're hunting.
They're looking for animals they can take down. The weak, the sick, the bad ones in the herd.
Okay, got it, got it. This feels personal a little bit at this point because you're upset still about my roof no i took this before you even said i think the vikings are a limping animal i think the lions are going to bite some kneecaps and take them down okay okay uh jake i'm going out west i'm taking the cardinals plus three and a half at home against the rams the rams obviously looked awful week one and week they did not close strong.
They kind of held on for dear life in that week two game against the Falcons, and the Cardinals have a lot of momentum off of an emotional, crazy comeback victory against the Raiders. I think this is public money marsh right now.
McVay is 6-1 versus Kingsbury. Dominant.
You remember in the playoffs last year? You remember how bad that was? That was one of the worst offensive game plans. I don't even think they actually had an offensive game plan for the Cardinals.
It was like snap the ball to Kyler. He's going to run sideways and throw the ball out of bounds.
That's pretty much what they did. That was the game that got me blocked by Kyler Murray.
Yeah. I said he was too short to play in the NFL.
Well, did you see Brian Baldinger's video clip that he put out yesterday? No. So he did one of the Baldy breakdowns and it was the end zone angle of Kyler Murray.
And he looked so fucking short from the end zone angle. He does.
It was tough. He looked like he was 5'7".
And as the play went on, because he kept drifting around, he got shorter. You have to watch this camera angle.
Okay. He shrunk down to like, it's like when mario you know when he gets the uh the mushroom and he grows it's that in reverse he got hit by a turtle as the play he got struck by lightning yeah like in in mario kart as the play goes on yeah i just i i don't believe i think the cardinals what they did last week against the raiders was like something that's just never not sustainable you can't be down 20 nothing and hope Kyler Murray is superhuman for an entire half.
I just think the Rams are a better team. I feel like the Rams are going to – they did fuck up at the end of that Falcons game pretty badly.
But they were killing them. They were killing them.
We're going to say Billy. The greatest description I saw of Kyler Murray is that he looks like a toddler running around with a stolen phone.
That's a pretty. Yeah, that is pretty good.
Or a dog. I know that feeling.
A dog with a pair like your socks running around the house. What do you think when Kingsbury because McVay I don't think McVay had Kingsbury in his wedding party but he was invited to his wedding.
That's just got to be like I own you dude. Come give me a gift.
No, that's six and one against you i kind of just beat you in the playoffs to get my super bowl ring i kind of disagree with you on that one i feel like it's better sometimes to be invited to the wedding to not be part of the wedding party no oh no i i'm very much a believer in that i'm just saying for their relationship like their friends it's got to suck to be friends with someone who just owns you. Yeah.
Like owns you.

Yeah.

And you're like, yeah, we're still friends. Like at what point if McVay goes 10 and one against Clint Kingsbury, Kingsbury as a man

has to just be like, we're not friends anymore.

We can't be.

This is not fair.

Yeah.

You know, it would be tough.

Like, what do you get him for a gift?

If you're showing up to his wedding, what do you get?

The man that has everything.

Yeah.

What do you get?

The man that owns you?

Yeah.

You can't get him. Like, you can't give him your playbook.
He already knows the whole thing. Because haven't you given him enough? Right, right.
Six and one. Okay.
I brought my own leash for you to walk me around on. Yeah, right.
Exactly. It's got to be a little awkward.
Okay. Under.
Over. Over.
My over is going to be over 52 and a half in the Bills-Dolphins game. Josh Allen, best quarterback in the league.

Best friends of ours.

The Bills have two rookie cornerbacks playing.

Nice.

I've known about that for a while.

So Jalen Waddell, Tyree Kill against two rookie cornerbacks.

I like that.

It's a recipe for a lot of points.

I like it.

I like it a lot.

Okay.

Yeah.

That's going to be a fun game.

That's going to be a very fun game.

And maybe the Bills offense, like I said.

Lose or leaves town. They just fucking score 40 points fun game.
It's going to be a very fun game. And maybe the bills offense.
Like I said, if they just serve,

lose or leaves town,

they just fucking score 40 points a game.

Well, who's,

who's to say they can't,

uh,

Max,

uh,

already talked about it a lot,

uh,

over in Bengals jets.

I think it's just going to be a fun game.

Ooh,

fun game.

You think that's a fun game?

I think it's going to be fun.

It's crazy.

If you had told me 42 years ago,

that Bengals jets would be a fun game.

Flacco number three,

number three in passing yards.

Yeah.

Yeah,

dude,

Flacco is,

he's on fire.

I am worried that it's going to be fun. It's crazy.
If you had told me two years ago that Bengals-Jets would be a fun game. Flacco, number three in passing yards.

Yeah, dude, Flacco, he's on fire.

I am worried that his arm is going to literally fall off.

He's going to drop back to pass at one point, reach back, and then just a bloody stump.

This might be his last game starting.

Yeah, so Joe, leave it out.

It might be your last time ever.

Yeah, he's going to throw it out.

It's going to be a Friday Night Lights moment. It's like this is the moment.
Right now, this is forever. Yeah.
Do it, Joe. I like it.
Okay, PFT, you're under. My under is Dolphins Bills under.
Whoa. Wait, are we still doing over? Sorry, sorry, overs.
I got confused. My over is the Patriots Ravens over 43 and a half.
I like it. I like that a lot.
I think this ain't 44. Even better.

I like it better at 44. Again,

this tells me I'm sharp with all my picks

as the lines keep sliding in that direction.

So over 44,

the Ravens defense

is absolute garbage. It sucks.

It stinks. It's trash.
Yeah, Mac

Jones, he has to

be the guy in this game. He's got to be a guy.

He's got to be the guy, Hank.

Three touchdown passes. He's got to have three touchdown passes.
Keeping my guy ball. I think he will, but he has to have a good game against the defense that's struggling.
They're struggling against the Ravens. If Mac Jones doesn't have a good game, it's going to pile on to the guy conversation.
The guy watch. The guy watch.
I mean, that's all. You guys are just obsessed with guys.

He's Guy Polar. Well, yeah.
I never had a guy. So, yeah.
Why wouldn't you be obsessed with the thing that you've never been able to achieve? Yeah, I guess I just can't relate. I've been ODing on guys my whole life.
Yeah. Where is your guy now? He's in Tampa.
He's in Tampa. Yeah, that's true.
That's a fact. All right.
And the other one got suspended. My over is going to be Lions-Vikings over 52 and a half.
I don't know. I like that.
I like that. Inside.
I don't know. The Lions.
Short trip. Short trip.
Non-primetime game. Non-primetime game against a defense that plays a lot more man than zone.
He's just. And the Lions feel like they.
They're going hunting. Their offense has been electric the first two weeks.
Give me that. Give me that.
Lions' running game is actually pretty good. Yeah.
Their offense is pretty good. Their offense is good, yeah.
You're over, Billy. I like Packers-Bucks, 41 and a half.
I mean, we got two old dudes who I think are going to try to outplay each other. And it's going to be Aaron Rodgers and Tom Brady just swinging at each other trying to see who's the last one standing.
I mean, I don't know why this is such a low. Well, because the Bucs might have the best defense in the NFL.
Yeah, so a couple things. The Bucs defense I think might be number one.
Yeah, like if my own power rankings, I don't do advanced stats. For my estimation of watching the first two weeks they're the best defense and uh the the packers have nobody at wide receiver and the bucks have nobody at wide receiver so the bucks just hired they just signed um cole beasley yeah right yeah right and i mean if you had told me like five weeks ago that cole beasley has never caught a pass from tom Brady, I would call you a liar.
I would say like, yes, they've been together for a long time. I really like.
He's not. I like to.
He's like a scruffier version of Julian Edelman. Yes.
Like if Julian Edelman was an adopted dog. Yes.
That's what Cole Beasley is. Yeah.
Julian Edelman was in a puppy factory, puppy mill. Yeah.
He was a beautiful lab. He was a lab that you bought out of like of like pet smart and even even you can even go further that like bill welichek was smart enough to be like oh our old lab is getting up there in age we need to keep him young by getting a puppy julian edelman so the old lab being west welker yes yeah so they they kept west welker alive for a little bit had to put him down right julian advances and then now tom's like well i need to he moved out on his own he got his own place away from his dad bill he wants a dog that reminds him a little bit of the dog he grew up with but he doesn't have the money to pay for a puppy mill so he's like yeah i'll adopt i'll adopt on the side of the street this guy he was eating so he was eating out a can of tuna fish in my backyard yeah he was trying to cross a highway i picked him up i put him in the car now he's my slot receiver that's that's cole beasley.
And Scotty Miller, I think in this analogy, would just be like a cat that is cool. A cool cat.
You know how people have cats and they're like, no, it's like he plays fetch. He's basically a dog.
It's like, no, just get a dog. Yeah, Billy? This one doesn't have all the shots though.
Good point. Good point, Bill.
True. Good point.
No, but the Bucs, I mean, the Dallas, the Cowboys, and the Saints are the two offenses that tested the Bucs. I still think Aaron Rodgers could get something done.
The side, like if you were going to play devil's advocate to what I just said about the Bucs being the best defense and the Packers having a very good defense as well, it's just crazy that a total is 42 with Tom Brady and Aaron Rodgers. It is nuts.
It's a quarterback league. Keep this in mind, though.
Matt LaFleur loves to kick field goals against the Bucs. So he might just go strictly field goal diet.
Yeah. I should actually.
Yeah, we'll hit him up and be like, hey, dude, you don't have to only kick field goals. Can we get a special bet in the Barstool Sportsbook on over 100 field goals for Matt LaFleur this weekend.
Yeah, yeah, field goals made. Okay, you're

over Jake. I'm with Hank

on Bill's Dolphins over 52.5. Nice.

It's going to be a fun game.

Alright, let's do the unders and then we'll clean up any

games we didn't talk about. I'm going against

Billy for the reasons we just talked

about and it's just, it makes no sense. It

seems disgusting. It's one of those like

you hate it so much you have to take it, but under 42 for the Bucs Packers. Yeah.
Okay. Okay.
Brady with no weapons is a different guy. Yeah.
We'll see if Julio plays. He can still grind out a win, and he's 45.
Yeah. Wow, you're talking bad about your guy.
No, I'm not. It was like that when he was on the Patriots.
Like, if Gronk was someone was out, it was a different. He's still a winning quarterback.
He'll grind out a win, but it's not going to be an explosive. I used to love these games when Belichick was his coach.
He'd be out of weapons, and all of a sudden, he'd just be handing the ball to Aaron Hernandez 10 times a game. They'd find somebody that has usually been a sideshow in their offense and make that one guy the focal point for that one game that you never hear from him again.
I just don't know who on the Bucs is going to take that role. Yeah.
Oh, for net. You know, he said he promised touchdowns.
Yes, yes, it is. Touchdowns coming soon.
You're under Max. This one pains me to say, but Commander's Eagles is going to go under.
Trap game for the Eagles. Yeah.
I just see this game being sloppy. I hate that field so much.
Yep. And I don't know.
I'm not going to be happy about this under, but I think it'll go under. I mean, it's a big-time revenge game.
This might be the biggest revenge game of all which is scary because carson wentz is the number one guy he where he does too much and it's a problem yeah i think that's that's worse yeah that's worse for yeah a million a million percent i'm gonna fucking throw it's not good a pass that gets us 10 touchdowns in the first play yeah he's gonna he's gonna try he's gonna uh do the reenactment of him killing 75 ducks in an afternoon yeah to the eagles and and probably fuck everything up it's gonna be a shitty day that field does suck it almost killed jalen hurts last time that's probably the best hope that we have is just have fedex field collapse before the game if that happens i like our chances and i love the under like batman 47 and a. Okay, you're under PFT? My under, I'm taking Dolphins Bills under.
Ooh. Just to be a contrarian.
You got a lot on this game. Just because I saw this line, and I was like, I want to take the over.
This is going to be an awesome game. I want to root for it being awesome.
And I got so excited about it, and I thought to myself, PFT, what are you doing right now? You're just taking it over because it would be fun to take it over and uh so i faded myself yeah okay um well a lot lot lot riding on this game every which way um my under i'm gonna do the broncos niners under 44 and a half on advisors tommy gave us a stat it was something like the last 45 prime time games it's 30 and 15 to the under and i was like oh that's why i lose all my money so i'm done i'm gonna i'm gonna try to try to ride the wave now because that was like someone tells you like hey here's exactly how you've lost everything oh it's because every sunday night we're sitting in the gambling cave being like what's the play why not just take the over yeah fuck it yeah it's the fuck it play It's the play that you make when you don't want to think too hard about anything.

Yeah, so let's be smart.

Let's start just doing unders on Sunday nights.

You know what you got to do?

It sucks, but you have to do it.

Here's what you got to do.

You lock it in right now.

Yeah.

Because if you wait until Sunday, I guarantee you 100%.

You wait until the afternoon slate.

Oh, for sure.

And you're going to change it to the over.

You got to lock it in now.

No doubt in my mind.

Billy.

I'm going with Texans and the Bears at 40. I like that play.
It's just. This game sucks.
We're going to talk to Lovie Smith in a second. This game sucks.
I've got a fun stat for you guys. And this isn't meant to be personal, Big Cat.
No, that's fine. You just said the game sucks.
You understand. Out of the top 32 quarterbacks in the NFL.
I saw a stat. I've been tagged.
Who has the least attempts? This will be for everybody else besides Big Cat. Top 32 quarterbacks in the NFL.
Who has the least attempts? Passing attempts. Well, Joe Flacco probably is the most, right? Yeah.
The question was least, and we're talking about the Bears-Texans. It feels like it's right there, guys.
Yeah. Who's number 32? Who the Bears quarterback.
Mike Glennon. Who's number 32? Can you name the Bears quarterback? Yes.
Who's number 32? Davis Mills. No, it's not Davis Mills.
Who is it? Number 32 in the league. Billy.
Ohio State quarterback. He doesn't know his name.
I blank on names. That's actually not the answer, but you don't know the name So number 32 Deshaun Watson Nope, close Okay, Billy The quarterback that's number 32 on this list Is Dak Prescott But who's 33? Number 33 is Justin Fields There it is He's is.
He's the 33rd. He's a starting quarterback, but he has fewer attempts.
Listen, we played a monsoon week one. This game's going to suck.
This game's going to be brutal. It also is a loser leaves town game in the fact for the Bears that if they lose this game, all the good feelings from week one are gone, and it's officially, oh, we might be a bottom four team in the NFL.
No, it's officially just focus on literally moving to the suburbs later. Yeah, and getting Bryce Young.
There you go. Yeah.
No, the Bears have to win this game. If they lose this game, the season is, it's already, the season's not going anywhere, but I was clinging to the idea that they were a frisky team.
They would win somewhere between six to seven games and win maybe one big game. If they lose this game, that is gone.
It's more like, hey, where are our three wins? Let's have that realistic conversation because I was thinking to myself after we lost to the Lions, who looked like a great team last week. What am I just content with for the season? I honestly think I'm such a fucking loser that if you told me that we went 6-11, I'd be like, okay, that's cool.
What about you? I'm a bigger loser because if you told me we went 2-15 but the second win was against the Packers, I'd be like, yes. Are you taking bigger account draft status because i'm not counting draft status no i'm saying if we beat the packers the rest of if we beat if our second and only second win comes against the packers i'd be like success so that's as loser as you can get we are we're just tremendous losing hurts and i think that affects productivity yeah as justin that's true.
It does hurt. It hurts a lot.
Let's finish up your honor. And then we'll hit any other games.
We missed. I'm with Billy under 40.
All right. Texans bears.
Good one. What games did we miss? We missed the Titans and the Raiders.
The loser leaves town game. I have, I think we might have a little bit of a Josh McDaniels, Derek Carr on different pages watch.
They might not be on the same page because we had in the preseason. I'm going to pull it up real quick.
Wait, I thought I wrote it down. Oh, no, I did a screenshot.
In the preseason, Josh McDaniels said this quote. I'm finding it.
Hold, please. Hold, please.
Hold, please. Here it is.
Joshua McDaniels says, you can't win until you learn how not to lose. Yeah.
I believe that is a Trent Dilfer quote. Yes.
But now Derek Carr last week said, we have to learn how to win. But first, you have to learn not to lose.
Right. But they haven't done that first part, so it feels like they're on different pages.

Because Derek Carr's trying to learn how to win,

and Josh McDaniels is trying to learn how to not lose.

In a way, Derek Carr is trying to learn how to not lose, though,

because he's trying to learn how to win.

Right, but he's a step ahead of Josh McDaniels

because before you learn how to win, you have to learn not to lose,

and he's going straight to, we have to learn how to win. But they've learned how to not win.
Right, but they have not learned how to win you have to learn not to lose and he's going straight to we have to learn how to win but they've learned how to not win right but they have not learned how to not lose learn how to lose and not win but he's saying that he wants to learn how to win right but they have not learned how to not lose yet I think you have to learn how to win before you learn how to not I agree but this is clearly a miscommunication it is yeah like Josh McDaniel like. Yeah, right.
He's saying to his team, we have to learn how to not lose in order to win. And they haven't done that part because you saw the second half against the Cardinals.
And Derek Carr's like, no, no, no, no. We have to learn how to win first.
I think first you have to learn that you cannot lose and win at the same time. Right.
But it's just watch it. They're not on the same page.

That's a confusing message that's coming out of the Raiders.

It's a red flag.

Yeah.

It sounds like McDaniels put up a slide on like an overhead projector saying

something along the lines of winning versus not losing.

And then Derek Carr like wrote down in a notebook, like a marble notebook,

what it said, and then tried to read it later and his handwriting was too messy

and just mixed it all up when he tried to say it to the press.

Right, right, exactly.

A very sad game in the afternoon slate is the Falcons and the Seahawks.

Yes.

Falcons at the Seahawks.

I just think this is a sad, sad state of affairs.

I don't know why, but when I see Falcons at Seahawks, 425,

I just think nobody, nobody should be subjected to watching this Third bowl. Here's something that's even sadder.
Pete Carroll went on his radio show this week and said it's time to let Geno cook. That's sad.
I don't want to see that. No, I don't.
That's like asking Billy to cook. No, that's like I don't want that.
That's like asking Jesse Pinkman to cook. Yeah, we don't need this.
We don't want this, you're offering pete carroll but he said it in a way that's like yeah we're finally gonna geno knows the offense we're gonna let him free i uh is that is that smart it doesn't feel smart i also think that vegas saw this game and they were like you know what who gives a fuck let's just call it a pick them call it call it a pick them no it's impossible to handicap this game uh fun stat last week. I don't know if this has ever happened in the course of an NFL game.
Marcus Mariota was 0-for-0 on two Hail Mary attempts. So he had one to end the first half, and then they had one to end the second half, and both times he just kind of drifted around for a while and didn't throw the ball.
0 for zero on two Hail Mary attacks. That's like the old Shane Battier.
If he got the ball at the end of a quarter, he would wait until the buzzer sounded, then launch the three, so his shooting percentage didn't go down. Yeah, that's why a lot of players don't take full-court heaves at the end of quarters.
I also have a weird stat I forgot to bring up when we were talking about the Panthers-Saints game that is gross. Matt Rule is 1-24 when allowing 17-plus points.
You literally just have to score 17 points to beat the Panthers. That checks out.
That's so bad. But on the other hand, you could say that if you flip that stat around and you see what the record is when they hold their opponents under 17 points, they're pretty good.
They're really, really good. So the defense just needs to show up.
That's a wild 17. And I think the league average is something like 24, 25, maybe a little less.
But still, 17 points to beat them. You can just walk into the locker room and be like, guys, two touchdowns and a field goal.
We win this game. Guaranteed.
Except for that one time. Who was that game against? I don't know.
That's a good question. Just based on vibes only, I feel like probably the Falcons.
I bet the Falcons beat them one time. I bet the Panthers beat the Falcons one time.
Let's see. Vibes only.
I'm checking. 2021.
Let's see. They won.
They won. They won.
Nope. When did he become coach? He became coach.
I'm looking at 2020. I don't think it happened in 2020 either, though.
Yeah, they won. They beat the Cardinals 31-21.
There it is. Okay, so that's the one time.
They were close. The Falcons, they beat the Falcons 23-16.
Oh, that's right there. If the Falcons had scored 17 there, the Panthers would have lost 23-17.
The Falcons probably missed an extra point to ruin that stat for me. What a stat though.
The Falcons just Falcons me. It's quite something.
But shout out to the Falcons. Actually, I don't want to talk that much shit about them.
Because vibes are changing. Will Compton, year 10 loading.
If they win this game just based on the promise of a Will Compton workout, then that could change their entire season around. Yeah, absolutely.
I think we hit everything. Yeah.
I mean, Monday Night Football, the only thing I'm going with that is that if you close your eyes and you say the Giants are 3-0, that makes no sense. It's also a whiteout game, though.
They're whiting it out. Yeah.
So I think the full white kit. And it feels like a game that Micah Parsons is going to end up humping Daniel Jones after a sack, after his sixth sack.
So I also think that we had our fun with Cooper Rush. Last week was the week where it's like, Cooper Rush had his moment.
It's not going to carry over. Yeah.
Well, if he can do one drive, if he can do one drive, I think the Cowboys can win the game. Jerry said that he would walk all the way to New York City if it meant that Cooper Rush was going to make it a tough decision for him whether or not to put Dak back in when Dak healed up.

Wow.

And I've also heard that Dak is on the field.

He's getting back to practice because he has just a hand injury.

So hopefully before the game,

we'll get to see some of the hip activations through the SkyCam.

Yep.

That was an all-time moment.

Okay.

That was our weekend preview.

Our Mount Rushmore bet this week.

Hit last week. Reminder, Barstool Sportsbook.
All it has to do is four guys have to go over 50 yards. Hank, what's your pick? This will be in the exclusive section on Sunday morning.
Hit last week. I think it was like plus 185.
Let's do it. Let's get a hot streak.
Saquin Barkley. All right.
Saquin, let's go. No, you got to pick Sundays.
Oh, yeah, that's Monday. Fuck.
All right. We'll come back to you.
We're doing Frenette again. PFT.
You're doing Frenette. Leonard Frenette.
Oh, shit. Okay.
He took my – that's fine. I can switch it up.
I'm going to go with – we're going to go with Joe Mixon. Okay.
Joe Mixon. I'm going to go with my guy, David Montgomery.
Texans' rush defense has not been good, and I don't think the Bears are going to pass ever.

So David Montgomery will be in there.

So Leonard Fournette, David Montgomery, Joe Mixon, and Hank.

Does it have to be a running back?

Yes.

That's Mount Rushmore.

Definitely has to be a running back. I think it has to be a running back.

Why?

Were you thinking Lamar?

Were you thinking Lamar?

Do Hurts.

I was going to do Josh Allen.

No.

I'll throw some names.

Do you want some names?

Austin Eckler might not be bad because you don't know what Justin Herbert's going to be. They might lean on him.
Chubb? Nope. That's Thursday night.
Let's go. We got something.
Damien Harris? Nah. Nah.
Brees Hall? Nah. Nah.
Nah, maybe. I kind of like Dalvin Cook.
I'm really putting a lot of thought into it.

James Robinson, final answer.

Okay.

Against the Chargers. This is going to be a juicy one, I feel like.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dave Montgomery and James Robinson.

Josh Allen gets 50 yards.

You owe me.

Well, no.

The rules are it's got to be running backs.

It does not have to be running backs?

I don't think it has to be running backs.

All right, fine.

Josh Allen's the pick.

I think it just has to be rushing.

Josh Allen's the pick.

All right.

You sure you want to do that?

Yes. Okay.
Yes. For think it just has to be rushing.
Josh Allen's the pick. All right.
You sure you want to do that? Yes.

Okay.

Yes.

Forgot to say for the Bears under, even though right now it says it's really nice weather,

there might be some lake weather coming off.

That's good for the Bears.

It's unforeseen.

Bear weather.

Checked in with Canada.

Okay.

Nice.

Before we get to Lovie Smith and talk about the Bears Texans and then Morton Anderson let's do Fantasy Russells Fantasy Russell Wilsons see how this goes boys let's ride hey let's ride let's ride hello gentlemen hey my name is Barney Abernathy my stardom is stealing money from the government to pay for a volleyball court. Love that.
No one's really gonna care and you'll still be in the Hall of Fame. It's just great.
It's like Robin Hood. Yeah.
The complete reverse. If you're a legend, it doesn't matter.
Robin the Hood. My sit-em is hooking up with co-workers.
Oh It's not a good idea It's always going to end badly And it's just not something you want to do Take it from experience Settle down One wife, one life Find that hole and stick in it Don't shit where you eat My sleeper is Jerry, Gerster. It's Rosh Hashanah's coming up, right? Sure.
Rosh Hashanah's coming up. Happy New Year.
Happy New Year. Happy, happy, happy.
52-71, I think. Jerry Judy's going to have a big game.
I'm going to get him the ball. Oh, okay.
Let's go. I'm going to try to get him six points.
Yeah. Star David.
Yeah. Let's ride.
My starting. What's your name, sir? Oh, hey, this is Russell Wilson.
Oh. It's supposed to be.
Let's ride. I had a fake name, too.
Same. I'm Russell Wilson, and my starting is getting that extra hour of work in.
Yeah. It's finally fall, so set your clocks back this weekend.
One hour, that means you get get extra hour to be an extra hour greater than you were an hour ago.

Nice.

The autumnal equinox.

Let's ride.

Let's ride.

I'm sitting my own head coach when he hears that he has an extra hour of clock management to screw it up.

Oh.

Sorry, Nathaniel.

Nate.

Nate Dogg.

Get the leg.

Run.

Pass.

Pass.

Ball. Run.
Ball. Ball.
My sleeper is Kirk Cousins. Big bounce back week this week.
Nice. Big bounce back from funny guy.
From old Kirk-y. Yeah.
Great family man. Captain Kirk.
I call him Kirk Cousins. He's my sleeper.
Nice. All right.
What's up, guys? It's James Tinselbury. Hey.
What's up? Call me Jimmy if you want. Titty fucks.
My stardom is Jeff Bezos. Great guy.
Inspiring guy. Someone I look up to personally.
He might buy the Suns. Way to go.
What an entrepreneur. Yeah.
Business leader. I love it.
He's changing lives every day. And philanthropist.
All right. My sit-em is money.
So my good friend Gary Vee once told me, people are chasing cash, not happiness. When you chase money, you're going to lose.
You're just going to. Even if you get the money, you aren't going to be happy.
Now, I can say that because I just signed a $250 million contract. But just remember, guys, it's really cool when a rich person tells you, don't chase the money.
Just shoot your family. Yeah, shoot your family.
Think about what that does to you. Okay, that sucked.
All right, my sleeper is also, or sorry, my sleeper is mirrors, and it's also a quote from my good friend Gary V. Mirrors, look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself what you want to be every day for the rest of your life.
I want to be a quarterback that doesn't throw in the middle of the field. That's awesome.
Cool. That's awesome.
I respect that. You got that grind sense.
Yeah. Don't break the mirror.
Let's ride. Seven years bad luck.
Also, I looked in the mirror once and I was like, don't fuck Sierra before you get married to her or something. I think that was the story.
I really like to look in the mirror at myself when I'm having sex with Steve. Premarital is no good.
Cool. All right, fam.
What's good, guys? What's good? What's good? It's him. Oh, yeah.
It's him. Nice.
My stardom. Jesus? No.
No. I mean, it's him.
I'm him. So my stardom is faith.
Faith. Love it.
Love it. Not just the name at the strip club.
My sit-em, low effort. We need high effort.
Always need high effort. Always need high effort.
Effort. Pass.
Run! And my sleeper is Jesus. Oh, okay.
Because he always loves you. Just for three days he slept.
Woke right up. Rise and grind.
Always will give you forgiveness. yeah coach's son especially when you pad throw an interception on the one yard line in the super he's got a plan yep he does have that plan great excuse for everything too okay absolutely all right that was fantasy russell wilson's i don't know how that'll go i had fun that was fun was jules i mean that's really the bar the barometer um do.
Hank, would you like to speak about your coach at all?

Eme?

Oh.

Yeah, Eme.

It's football season.

He may want to keep it in his pants.

Yeah.

So he's dipping his pen into.

You may want to go to couples counseling.

What's going on here, Hank?

Just a lot of rumors and scuttlebutt.

I haven't seen anything official from the team. Just Woj saying he's probably going to be suspended for a year.
He may. It was an all-time Woj ball.
Well, Big Cat also. I gave you wrong information.
I was trying to help you. I wasn't locked in on the internet last night, and I got some texts from Big Cat being like, don't worry about it.
Yeah, I was wrong. I didn't know he fucked everyone in the Celtics organization, Hank.
That was my mindset when I. I was like, oh, don't worry about it.
Woke up and it was like, he's going to be spending for a year. Yeah, the Woj bomb was so funny because it was, someone tweeted it was so perfect.
Woj was like, Ime Udoka is facing a suspension for team infractions. Team guidelines.
Team guidelines could be, suspension could be coming in the next 24 hours. And someone was like, I don't know if he missed a flight or killed someone.
Yeah. Woj was that vague about it.
So what happened was somebody, somebody leaked the information to Woj that he was about to be suspended, but he didn't tell him why, because that person wanted people to speculate why he was going to be suspended. There's no other reason to do it.
So then Woj puts out this cryptic tweet, and the cryptic tweet was almost daring Shams to go ahead and find out what the real scoop was, which ended up happening.

So Woj kind of got played like a fiddle on this one.

Yeah, he did.

Getting suspended, obviously you've got to wait for more details to come out.

I don't know if they will, but there's just a lot of question marks with the, you know,

they're very,

they're very upfront forward saying it was a consensual.

Yeah.

You know,

Thank you. else to come out i don't know if they will but there's there's just a lot of question marks with like the you know they're very they're very upfront and forward saying it was a consensual yeah you know relationship or whatever yeah but why would you get suspended for a year for that there's rumors that it was you know a member like a high-ranking member of the celtics wife and that guy is upset and that's the suspension is so long which is so kind of makes sense because and also just the fact that it got leaked means to me possibly that it was someone in the Celtics who was upset and just hates email and wanted to get it out there but like the Celtics the Celtics are you know they're a win-at-all-cost organization like it I I don't know what the details could have been that's so bad that they have to spend them for a year.
Do you think Brad Stevens found out about this violation of guidelines and Brad Stevens was like, we got a pretty good team. I kind of want to coach again.
Let's just spend them for a year. This feels like more of a who he sleeps with, especially if it's two consenting adults, who cares? It's more of a judgment thing.
Like, hey, don't do that if the person is, the other person's married. I think he was in a relationship.
Yeah, he's long. He's engaged.
It's in, like, the. Sat next to her at one of the games.
All the, like, it's a fucking organization. I don't know.
Yeah. He could have fucked you, Hank.

Yeah, big time.

Yeah.

He probably had eyes for you.

Yeah, when you did that pump fake, he was like, wow, he's got great hands.

It's a crazy plot twist that we all thought the horniest coach by far was Doc Rivers

for liking all that porn the other night, but it's Emei.

Yeah.

We also have Rick Pitino as a coach.

Yeah, well, not in the NBA, but shout out Stav. Yeah.
No, no, I'm saying yes. He coached on the Celtics.
Yeah, the Celtics, yeah. But I'm saying right now he's not, yeah.
But I think that you guys are right in that if it was between two consenting adults, the only way it's worth a year-long suspension, there are two ways, I think. One is if it's with somebody's wife that's in the franchise that's screwing up like the entire workplace dynamic two is if emay is this person's boss yeah and then that could be an issue too if it's just somebody like in a different part of the organization entirely i don't see a year suspension and what's weird is like why do you suspend him for a year instead firing him? Because it seems, it seems way more reasonable.
He's a good coach. Well, I know, but like a year long suspension is a fucking long.
No, I know. It's weird that there's like some sort of middle ground where it's not fireable, but also he's away from the team for an entire calendar year.
It's, it's a crazy story. It's also fucked up.
You know, obviously again,, all signs point to this leaking from the Celtics coming out, but it's like, it just fucks over the entire organization, and now everyone's speculating on who the woman was, and they're putting out pictures of all the, like, every woman that works in the organization. Like, it's like, it's a shitty, shitty, shitty situation.
Shout out our good friend Stavros, though, because when he was on to do the NBA playoff preview he was like Emei fucks and he was exactly right. He's a hot dude.
He's a hot dude. He's a hot dude and hot dudes tend to fuck.
Are hot chicks out? What do you mean? Are they not cool anymore? Or is the moment of hot chicks over? Because it seems like it's a pandemic right now where it's like Emei's fiancee, Nia.

Is that her name?

Nia Long, yeah.

Nia Long.

Emily Rajkowski.

Just got cheated on.

Adam Levine.

That whole thing.

Seems like hot women are having a tough go of it.

Yeah.

Thoughts and prayers.

Thoughts and prayers to hot women.

But hot dudes are having a moment.

Yeah.

Emei.

City boys up.

Yeah.

City boys. City boys.
Boys are buzzing. No yeah email boys up yeah city boys boys boys are buzzing us as city boys down oh city boys down yeah you could spend it for a year that's down that is that sound bad that's for fucking that's bad that's yeah that is bad a pretty bad punishment too to have it was like a net and have to go home and spend every single day with your fiance that you just cheated on yeah that's a tough stuff that's a tough deal yeah um okay let's get to our interviews lovey smith morton anderson when your home system or appliance breaks down american home shield will help fix or replace the covered item no matter its age visit ahs.com slash listen for 20 off any plan CAHS.com slash contracts for coverage details, limitations, and exclusions.

All right.

We. AHS.com slash listen for 20% off any plan.
See AHS.com slash contracts for coverage details, limitations, and exclusions. All right, we now welcome on a very special guest.
It is Coach Houston Texans head coach, Lovie Smith. Thank you for joining us.
The first thing I want to get out of the way just to start is that we are both members of Mills Mafia. Yes.
You know, Big Cat, I'm a part of the Mills Mafia too. A lot of faith, of course, in Davis.
You know, we as a football team haven't played our best ball yet, but really excited about what we're going to do in the future. And can I just say one thing too is that, like, don't say Davis is our quarterback just to, you know, trigger up old memories.
Just maybe just say I'm part of Mills.

What old memories?

You know, I have a hard time thinking about some of the things I've said in the past, you know.

But, you know, when a guy is your quarterback, though, I don't want it to be anyone to wonder.

You know, and that was easy. That was easy back then was easy back then with Rex Rex led us to a Super Bowl and I'm excited about what Davis Mills is going to do for us here.
As a defensive coach when you're watching practice we're in Mills Mafia for sure but when you're watching practice do you find yourself rooting more for the defense? Well in camp uh i would say so you know i i call plays here defensively so it's a little bit different relationship through training camp once the regular season comes here it's a little bit different then um but i'm in and even in training camp i mean i never have a bad day i mean if defense gets burned and offense is doing well, you know, I'm really part of the offense then, loving that. So you can't go wrong either way.
Yeah, you've coached, I mean, some incredible defenses, some incredible players. Do you have one player that sticks out to you that is just, you know, they were just different for whatever it may be? I mean, there's, again, there's a long, long list of great players you've coached.
Yes. And I'm not going to make that mistake.
I made that mistake before of I was asked kind of similar question. I started talking about a player at my my current stop.
And right after I got through with the interview, I got a call from another Hall of Fame player on the other end. So, hey, love you.
What's up with this? So I'll just say everywhere I've been, I know y'all in Chicago, you know, you love a lot of things that's happened in Chicago. Great memories.
I've, you know, talked to a lot of the guys from the past this week, knowing that we're coming back in town, but learned so much from the, you know, the names that you know about in Chicago. Seemed like every stop along the way, there's a player that has influenced me some kind of way whether it be through a hall of fame type career or just you know coming into work with your lines pale each day yeah um i'm not a chicago guy i'm about to be a chicago guy in a matter of months here you're going back to chicago can you tell me like where are you do you have any place that you're looking forward to to visiting where you're going back into town like if I'm looking at one restaurant if I got one meal in Chicago to eat where am I going again I try to stay away from those too just keep in mind uh we um my wife is from Chicago so we we've maintained a condo in Chicago throughout so I spend time there you know a little time in off-season every year.
And you just talk food. There are so many great places downtown, you know, to eat.
Joe's, Gibson's, Carmine's, you know. It's a lot about what food do you like, what food are you looking for.
So many things to do in the summertime, in the fall, to stay away from there in the winter.

Yeah.

So, you know, after you left the Bears and you went to Tampa,

then Illinois, now Houston, has there been any moments where you've looked back

and you've kind of maybe chuckled a little?

Like, wow, things haven't really gone well for the Bears since I left.

Oh, no.

You know, I can't say that's the case.

You know, when I left the Bears. I can.
I can say that. I can say the case.
I can't say that's the case um you know when I left the Bears I can I could say that I could say the case I can absolutely say that's the case you know I had a disagreement on on uh where our program was when when I was removed from my job there with the Bears I'll acknowledge knowledge that you know most of the time you uh you lead a team to 10 wins you don't get fired but uh life happens that way seemed like seemed like to me in my career, every time it seemed like it was a setback, it's really been a setup, something bigger and better. And I'm a guy from Texas.
I played high school football, proud of Texas high school football. So every stop or every job that I had that didn't end well, it led me to, as I see it, the perfect job for me of coaching a Houston Tex.
So you brought up high school football, Texas high school football. I remember hearing a story about your team in Texas high school football, and because it's been a few years since I was told the story, I was like, oh, yeah, didn't they have some dominant defense or something? I went and looked it up in 1975 lovey smith played for big sandy high school they won the texas state championship they gave up 15 points in the entire season i don't even know i still don't understand how that's possible how is that possible well it was you know you sometimes you just at the perfect place at the perfect time.
And that team was a special team. You know, on the offensive side of the ball, we scored 820 points in a 14-game season.
That was pretty special. But you play 14 games and you get 11 shutouts.
That's hard to do. Just glad that I was a part of it.
So that's what, when you come from that environment, you know, you expect to win a lot of football games, and hopefully that's what we end up doing here. So you give up seven points a game, you know, a couple times over the course of that season.
Were you mad at yourself after the game? Did you, like, have to chew out your teammates? Well, I remember that well, too. We gave up two touchdowns, and both times our cornerback fell down.
That's kind of the rest of the story, too. We gave up a safety in the state championship game.
So, again, those things don't happen very often. Special group.
In that group, so picture 18 guys being on the team or so. And one of the guys on the football team was David Overstreet.
They ended up being the 13th player in the NFL draft. Played for the Miami Dolphins.
So lightning hit at the perfect time there. Yeah, I mean, that's incredible.
Two touchdowns in 14 games. Again, I remember hearing about it, and then when I looked it up, I was like, wait, 15 an entire season do you guys get on the on the phone or like have meetups every now and then and just laugh about because that had to be the most fun team to ever play for yeah still you know a lot of your high school friends buddies or lifetime buddies for you and that's the case for me some of us do I know know every time we get together the conversation normally leads you know some kind of way back to the good old days that's what you do you know when you get a little bit older and uh and rightfully so you pop champagne every time a high school football team in texas allows their third touchdown of the year knowing that your record will never be broken that's that's honestly an incredible incredible stat.
I've been an admirer of your defenses that you've coached

and that you've drawn up for a while.

I personally think that the Tampa 2 defense is on its way back.

It's like it's making a little bit of a comeback here.

And you had a significant part in creating that defense.

Do you think that – I guess what's one word that you would use to describe the Tampa 2 defense when it's played perfectly? When it's played, you know, one word would be hard to say. I just think, first off, just cover two in general.
Like nowadays, you know, what do defenses play? You can play man. Most people, all people play some form of man, some form of three deep, some form of cover four quarters.
But the corners are by, they're just one-on-one with a receiver outside. The wide receivers are getting paid a lot of money.
I think you have to have a defense to give them a little bit of relief. So that's why I cover two.
Yeah, I think every game I've coached, I think cover two has been a base part of our game plan going in and when you say it's making a comeback uh there is a place for it and it's certain situations you know most people assume we play covered you know you have 50 plays 49 other plays we're playing cover two that's not the case you have to you know have do it all but uh there are moments when you want to corner just be able be able to double team a guy, you have to be able to play cover two. Yeah.
So hypothetical, whether it be cover two or any other defense, let's just say I gave you a team and 10 of the guys on defense were average, just league average, and you got to pick one position that was elite. What would your position be? say it would be a defensive lineman and then I would say okay uh who is a the closest defender to the quarterback and so I would say three technique and we've had you know I've had a privilege of being around a special hall of Fame three technique in Warren Sapp.
So it would be that. The next position, you say, okay, now 1B is still about the front.
Defensive lineman, a defensive end. And if we've been putting our defense together, you just look right down the middle of the field.
Then I think you need one special linebacker. I i've been a part i've been around a few of those and safety wise uh our defensive you know our defenses have a hall of fame i think in at just about every position but you first take care of the middle of your middle of the field so that's three technique and linebacker and safety okay i like that yeah you have you have coached some outstanding players over the course of your career i was actually looking back at some of the players that you've coached and uh i remembered about london fletcher london fletcher the linebacker in st louis i think he's one of the most underrated players uh at least in the last 30 years of the NFL.
Yes. And I was looking at his dimensions,

and I'd like for you to explain to me how it's physically possible

for a man who's 5'9", weighs 240 pounds, to run a 4'4".

Well, that tells you exactly what's important, I think, about a linebacker.

London Fletcher was more like a 4'5 guy. So he could run as well as the running backs could.
And when you're 5'9", 5'10", you're compact, you're going to be down low. You're going to be able to get down underneath defenders, offensive players, linemen's path.
And in London, he was one of the smartest guys that you'll be so the most the most overrated thing I think there is about just a player in general is size and especially height so London had all of the things that you you really need and if you look at his career yes I mean never missed a game and could do everything you're asking you know know, a defensive player, linebacker to do. This might be a dumb question, but in the coaching, in like the meeting room before games and you're going over the game plan, when the Bears were rolling with you and your defense was out of this world and the offense was the offense, to quote you, Rex is our quarterback, the offense was the offense would you guys sit there and be like all right well we can get at least one from devin like he we're good like did you pencil it into the game plan like devin hester will get loose once and we'll have at least six points out of this well i think a lot of you here uh you get to coach talk you know um they say hey it, offense, defense, special team.
I believe that. Yeah.
And when you've had an opportunity to see just about every touchdown that Devin Hester scored, and you see that that has happened, where offense, defense not really working, but what you, you know, Devin Hester scores two times on, you know, special teams that's definitely the case but for me yes a part of it is hey guys you talk to each group special teams you got to have we got to need at least one big make a difference play and from there defensively you know a lot of people like right now say okay who's the best defense uh in football they say well, total yards. That's one of the least important statistics you should be looking at.
It's, first off, scoring and plus defensively. It's not a good game.
Our goal is to take the ball away three times. If you're plus three in a turnover ratio, you have a chance to win.
So scoring, third down, red zone, defense. Right now, one of the things we've done well around here once the team gets down there you got to force them to kick field goals instead of touchdown so i talked about things like that and how to play complementary football offensively part of that turnover ratio is not turning the ball over right and and you had a quarterback, like we've said, Rex Grossman, RG3, the original RG3, Rex Grossman III.
He was not afraid to take shots. He took a lot of shots.
Some would say he loved taking shots. As a coach, how do you balance the fact that you want your quarterback to be able to make plays with with the fact like like you said if you lose the turnover battle you put yourself in a pretty tough position where you're going to be relying on your defensive score or relying on your special team's score would you have any like push and pull with rex after games where he just went out there and went full rex on you well i can't remember a lot of those times I just know how we look at our quarterback position now.

Yes, we want to take shots with our quarterback.

By having a good running game, that opens up lanes to be able to take a shot,

to stop the run.

Most times wide receivers are going to be in a one-on-one situation.

So there is a place for that quarterback that wants to sling the ball.

But to me, whether a quarterback is a good quarterback or not it's about you know decisions decision making each play and knowing when to pull the trigger when not to sometimes I just live to see another day and you have to you know put the team a little bit before you know maybe some just individual stats just just how big is Davis Mills neck like in person is it is it crazy well i know davis is a big man in general you know that's in an ideal world you want a quarterback to kind of look over kind of scan the you know scan the field that's that's a you know that has a stanford degree that's saying an awful lot too uh again he's got a bright future ahead of him we got to do some other things to help him but uh excited about the direction we're headed yeah do you have a do you have a beard bet that's lined up have you used that as a motivational tool to say like hey if we if we get to the playoffs we're shaving it no i'm not much for those kind of things i just think you know guys go out every day grind coming with your lunch pail. And I'm not a superstitious guy at all either.
So, spirit-wise, it just kind of makes sense, you know. After a while, guys that shave every day, you know, you kind of get tired of that.
I went on vacation about a few years back, and you grow it out, and I said, you know what? I think I'm going to keep it this time. You know, I've been married, but it'll be, what, 42 years this coming November.
My wife loved it, so it's easy to go that direction. It looks great.
I'll see how I'll follow suit, too. Yeah, it looks great.
I hope you keep it. But you mentioned your running game that you got this year.
I'm a big fan of Damian Pierce. I like what I've seen.
I watched him in the preseason a couple times. I don't know what it is about him, but I'm drawn drawn to him and I watch him play.
And I'm like, I think this kid can play. Um, are you planning on getting a little bit more involved? I know that he, he started using him more week two than he did week one.
Am I going to look like a genius for telling people that this kid passes my eyeball test? Well, yeah, I think you're, I think it's safe to go down that road. Um, and the reason why you like him is that, I mean, there's not a whole lot to dislike.
I mean, he can catch the ball, but you just talk about tough, hard-nosed football player that he can make you miss an open field. He can cut on a dime.
He can run with power in between the tackles. He loves contact.
You just look at it, you're right, from week one to week two, improvement. And that's what you see from young football players.
But in time, I think, yes, he got what I've seen. I've seen a couple, been around a couple good running backs.
And we saw it early in training camp. And it seemed like he confirmed that notion that we had, each day we go on the field with.
Have you checked in on your uh the 10 year old that you recruited at illinois do you remember that story he's 15 now i think you keep talking keep talking to him you know i'm getting a little old i forget a lot of things you know you offered a scholarship to a 10 year old yeah that's what came out a little bit as far as really offering a scholarship a scholarship you know I per se did not. We kind of talked again to him a little bit.
You know, you talk to a lot of guys, and sometimes it's casual conversation, and it all of a sudden becomes written in ink. Yeah.
I don't know much about where he is now. Yeah, people like to run with those stories.
So, Coach, this has been awesome. I have one last question.
It's the Roback question. Use promo code T code take for 20 off your first purchase qzips hoodies polos uh promo code take 20 off

your first purchase so like i said back in chicago this weekend i'm rooting against you uh i do like

you but i'm rooting against you what is your if you had like one memory highlight low light of

your time in chicago what would it be oh highlight is easy uh the nsc championship game against

Thank you. like one memory highlight low light of your time in chicago what would it be oh highlight is easy uh the nsc championship game against the saints yeah against the saints uh to be able to you know be the one seat play the play the game there at soldier field and right after the game the snow started coming down um to be able you know uh miss you you know, Miss McCaskill to be presented with the George Hallis trophy family there in town.
Just a great memory for a lot of us. That would be the highlight, of course.
And there were a lot more, you know, games, you know, that the team played. They showed up each week for me.
Yeah. For us.
And as as uh you know negative time oh that would you know i can't think of much on the football field that i remember but i'll give you one probably probably how about the last day i was in the office how about that okay well everyone will think it's the nfc championship game against the packers how about this one we'll you'll, you know, keep it light, but 2004 Thanksgiving Day Bears-Cowboys. Maybe the worst football game ever played.
That's, well, there's a few things. R.
W. McQuarters probably wouldn't say that.
He ran an interception back for a touchdown. Right? Yes.
That wasn't one of our best games, but you know how that goes. There's a couple that I could choose from down.
But glass being half full, I watched those out of the memory pretty quick. That's good.
Do you have any other questions, PFT? Can you talk about how awesome the second half against the Arizona Cardinals game was? That's a highlight for sure. I've never seen a crazier switch in a game at halftime than that.
I don't think I ever will. If you asked me for my number two favorite game, it would be that.
Just what can happen. Yeah, you're down and seem like you're out of it.
Seemed like in NFL this year, every game is like that. Teams come in and big deficits.
But it seemed like everything was against us that night.

And we had some special men in the locker room.

But at the half, though, I really did.

I thought we would come back.

If you just listen to, you know, Olin Kruitz and the guys that were,

they weren't talking like the game was over.

They were talking like, can we get out there in the second half

and to take the ball away. You know, we took the ball away that year like no one has before and to win it that way.
It wasn't a whole lot of offense that night, but Hester scoring a touchdown and to be able to get two defensive touchdowns also. There's a lot of ways to win football games, that's for sure.
I like it. Well, Coach, like I said, best of luck the rest of the season.
I can't wish you luck this weekend. But yeah, we're fans of you.
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OK, we now welcome on our good friend, recurring guest, Hall of Famer, Morton Anderson, one of the best voices.

It's a fact.

Great Dane, one of the best voices on this podcast.

First of all, welcome.

You almost got, thank you.

And second, I heard you had a meeting at the league offices.

Are you getting piss tested again?

What's going on?

Yes, they forgot to get me back in 83 so they ran a there was an audit and they're like oh shit there was a piss audit he's got a backlog of piss once in a while you know like some people like to go back and listen to old albums that they have stored back in their back rooms roger gudel has vials of piss there's nothing like a good piss story to get it going yeah yeah sweet what are you doing in the league offices are you are you part of the competition committee i had a meeting on on behalf of somebody i'm a brand ambassador for in the betting space and we're just trying to uh navigate through through that with the nfl and see if there's a spot for us there oh nice better collective i think i can say that yeah you, you can say it. We'll bleep it.
Yeah, I know.

You got your own.

Yeah, yeah, it's fine.

Was Roger there?

Did you see Roger?

I texted him.

He said he was in and out of meetings.

I said, well, you got to at least stick your head in, and that did not happen.

Oh, no.

I mean, that's disrespectful on Roger Goodell's part.

You're a Hall of Famer.

I thought so, but there was no sign, no greeting sign.

Did he text you back?

Do you guys have a good relationship?

Well, good enough that he texted me back, which was nice, I thought. That counts as something.
Right away. Is he an emoji guy? Or was he saying just straight to the point? No, he's not an emoji.
I'm not even an emoji. What's an emoji? Yeah, it's like the smiley faces, all that stuff.
The picture stuff? I actually was watching a highlight of one of your games when we did our show on Sunday. Was it real to real? No.
Listen, it was crazy. I want your perspective of it because we were talking about the Browns losing to the Jets and the famous Dwayne Rudd game.
You were the kicker who won the game for the Chiefs. That was wild.
Yeah, from your perspective. The wildest game I've ever been a part of.
Yeah, walk us through it. Again, if you didn't listen Sunday, you can explain what happened.
Yeah, a hot game in Cleveland, high scoring. We're down by two points.
It's like 38 to 36 or something crazy. We got a high-powered offense.
We're in Cleveland. It's like August, September.
One of the first games. game of the year yeah my first game as a chief and trent green goes back and in the last desperation attempt to advance the ball and get us anything you know we need a we need a field goal but we're running out of town so this was the last play of the game not not one more to come And he gets kind of half-sacked, and as he's going down, he kind of shuttle passes it to Tate, an offensive lineman eligible.
Good enough. He starts scampering around the left sideline.
Rudd, who got a hold of Trent's leg, thinks the game's over, throws his helmet. And, of course, we all know that the game can't end on a defensive penalty.
He gets a 15-yard unsportsmanlike tacked onto Tate's beautiful run. Right.
Which is a piece of work by Sally. People watch that thing.
And here I am with 0-0-0-0 on the clock, kicking a 35-yard field goal from the left hash.

Welcome to Kansas City, man.

It was wild.

And so you come in the locker room after.

You're like, how the hell did we win that game?

How did we win it?

On time play.

I've never been part of it. I played 382 games.

I have never been a part of a game where you win the game with no time on the clock.

Nuts.

I wonder if we did.

I'm sure you got some great researchers how many times that has happened. I'm going to see.
The untimed down. I remember there was a kick.
I think it was Nick Novak made a kick against the Dallas Cowboys. He wore a glove.
He wore like the glove. He did, yeah.
Remember him? 2006, 2007, Sean Taylor returned a blocked field goal, and then there was a face mask on the return that tacked on 15 extra seconds to his return Nick Novak stepped up and kicked like a 49 yarder to win the game I remember that one but yeah yeah this is the only other one that I can remember were you were you ready to come on the field for that did you know that that was a possibility like or did you think to yourself I was trying to plays over the game's over well I was watching Trent and said, okay. And then when I saw the helmet throw, I go, we're getting another play.
And I remember standing next to Dick Vermeule, Coach Vermeule, and he's like screaming, field goal, field goal! I go, yeah, well, gotta wait for the whole thing to shake out, and then we got field goal. Of course we do.
Yeah. You know, you're not gonna take a knee right yeah did he cry after that one uh you know there was some emotion on all levels i think i'm you know he's very good at that he's a big cryer yeah he does he i was real proud of him at the hall of fame he did a nice job in the speed did not cry oh wow very impressive he was impressive man waterworks he's got i know like a guy that can cry about his guys, you know? I know.
I'm crying a little bit inside right now because, you know, recurring guest t-shirts is a thing here. Yeah.
It's not a joke. I'm not there yet? Yeah, it's a joke.
It's on its way. Oh, it's a joke? Yeah.
Well, I think we- My son is like, oh, you got to ask me about the recurring t-shirt, the recurring guest t-shirt. We have like two that we ever made.
I think Spencer Hawes has one and Rachel Nichols has the other. All right.
Never mind. We'll get you one.
No, this is what we say. We say we get you one.
And then you walk out the door and we're like, we got another one. He thinks he's having a shirt.
So it's an urban legend. It's a complete urban legend.
Yeah. Yeah.
Well, shame on my son. I mean, he was the one that said, oh, I'm going to show you that.
It's a good question. If you can get your hands on one, it's probably worth a decent amount of money.
Collect this eye. Because there have only been two ever made before.
So you have to steal it. If you see Rachel Nichols in public and she's wearing it, steal it from her.
So take a look at this. Oh, shit.
What happened? I got ejected from a golf cart. Whoa.
And you got to show that again for the camera. Yeah.
Look at this road rash. So I was thinking about some non-fungible.
Doing the NFT of your scab. Yeah.
Oh, that's a great scab to pick. Yeah.
There's nothing better than it's pretty gnarly right here. I mean, this thing, it's itching now.
And I got this scar cream. I'm going to start.
This is gross. I had one of those.
I had basically the exact same one.

This is my plant leg, too.

Yeah.

I had that exact same one playing softball.

I went for a foul ball and slipped on the concrete in foul territory.

Oh, it was bad.

And I had it for like a year, and it was the best scab to pick.

I did road to grass, and then I laid there, and I was like, I didn't hit my head.

What a miracle.

Yeah, so how'd you get ejected from a golf cart?

Raining, you know, bad visibility, an overcorrection left, and an ejection to the right.

You were driving?

No, no, I was a passenger.

So you can blame the guy?

Yeah, he's going to remain nameless because I love him.

Okay, but? So we're not, but, you know. What is his name? Family member Yeah, he's going to remain nameless because I love him.
Okay.

But.

So we're not, but. What is his name? Family member? It doesn't matter.
No, he's a good friend and neighbor. And man, we're both responsible for that one, you know.
Yeah. There might have been some libations involved.
Yeah, I would imagine so. But anyway.
You mentioned Dick Vermeule in the Hall of Fame. Do you go to Canton every year? I do.
So is there ever a moment that you guys all have Hall of Famers to yourself where there's not fans around? And you guys, what are those conversations? The Merlots, the luncheon. Yeah.
It's really good. It's just everyone.
Anything goes in there. That's awesome.
And, of course, we can't talk about it. Right, but who's the best storyteller? Who's the best storyteller in that room? There's a bunch of guys that are really good.
Joe DeLamalore is a really good storyteller. I told the story of my nickname, The Matador, because they kind of celebrate.
Like, if you made it for five years and 10 years and 15 and 20 and 25, you get to speak. But in all the other years, you don't get to speak.
So the newbies, they don't get to speak.

Right.

They just listen.

And that's Friday lunch.

They don't have the gold jacket.

They're sitting in their polos surrounded by 140 gold jackets,

which is kind of wild.

That's incredible.

Then there's a moderator.

That's Willie Lanier from the Chiefs.

And then because it was my fifth year of being in,

I got in in 17.

We're in 22, 5.

I got to say a few words,

and I talked about my story being the matador.

And everybody goes, what?

And it's pretty simple.

It was with the Falcons.

We were playing Dallas.

A kickoff comes to me in an act of self-preservation. I do the Olay, you know, the Matador.
It becomes my nickname. Dan Reeves is pissed at me Monday at the meeting.
He flips a light on, and I said the only thing I should not have said to him, you don't pay me to do that. Oh.
So I had to his office he goes wink wink nod nod i have to treat you the same way and from now on you're the matador and that's the story i told at the luncheon and and uh everybody laughed and that was it i think that's a fair that was my contribution to the merlin olsen luncheon yeah so who holds court there who's the Who's the guy that is telling the big stories? So Willie Lanier is the one kind of spraying the wisdom, and then you've got some older guys, usually Michael Irvin, Chris Carter. They'll get up and say, because they're used to speaking in front of cameras and mics and so forth.
That's incredible. But it's a nice – it's a heavy room, guys.
It's like this year I said, you know, you're sitting next to Troy Aikman and then, oh, there's Dan Fouts and there's, you know, oh, there's the big – the original gangster, you know, the running back from Cleveland. Hello.
Jim Brown. Jim Brown.
Yeah. You know, I can't even – Sir Brown, Mr.
Brown. So it's a heavy room.
It's guys that play before me, some that you guys all know their names.

Yeah.

It's a pretty heavy room.

It's good.

You think Justin Tucker's going to be there one day?

I do.

If he continues on this path, he'll be the greatest ever.

I hate to say that because I was pretty good.

Yeah, you were all right. You got to, you know.

Are you shocked by, like, the distance that's now going down the nfl we're gonna see i think i might have said this on this show one time we're gonna see a 70 yard field goal yeah i feel i think i feel like i said that two or three years ago i think most kickers can make a 70 yard field goal if they're on an nfl roster There's a handful easily that can. My longest was 76 at Michigan State with wind behind me.
But live in the game, like the 66 he made in Detroit last year hits the crossbar, doinks over. But I've seen a couple of guys miss kicks that were shorter or hit, let's say, a 58 yarder the guy um from carolina last week that hit the um 58 yarder bombed it like it was deep in the net i'm thinking and you know how they have the check now the track man says hey good from yeah i said good from 68 we're gonna see good from 72 good from you know i want to see it i want to see it, too.
Like a walk-off would be badass, right? Yep. And just the whole vibe about the kicker has changed, you know, PFT.
You know, you need to take advantage of that, too. I know kickers are having a moment right now, except week one.
Yeah, it's tragic magic. That's the problem.
Well, that was my theory is that the kickers, like whenever we have a crazy week in the NFL, a crazy Sunday, if you're like, wow, what a wild Sunday, you usually can figure it out by how many kicks were missed because if there's missed kicks, made kicks, latent games, wild turns, that adds to the chaos. So week one NFL Sunday was incredible Sunday, so many games games coming down to the wire and i looked it up it was 10 missed kicks or extra points in the fourth quarter or later it's like there it is the kickers basically decide how fun the nfl is by sucking at times we're the fun factor yeah right or not yeah we're and you know i mean the 50 yard was a big deal back in the 80s when I was playing 80s and 90s.

That was a big deal when you made a 50-yard field goal.

That was like, wow, the magic line.

And then now the 60-yarder is like the new 50.

Yeah.

And the 70-yarder is going to be like the new 60.

Yeah, I mean.

But they're still missing extra points, and I can't wrap my head around it.

So what is it about kickers? That's 33 yards. Because kickers, they're so weird.
I feel like you were a little bit different. Thanks.
I appreciate that. You had a different mentality, right? Like your team respected you as being not just a kicker.
You were part of the team. But a lot of kickers, they're head cases.
They get real weird with it. And so they miss one kick, and all of a sudden, it's just their brain just crumbles into dust.
What is that? How can we help kickers? If we're putting the entire profession of kickers. They're letting one kick define their ability as a kicker instead of understanding that it's a marathon and that you look at your body of work over 25 years and I'm at 80%.
So if you're a general manager of a football team or a head coach you say if I can get 80 percent completion rate over 25 years I think that's consistency that's a guy that I can hang my hat on and I know 80 percent you know it's not like I think Justin Tucker is kicking around 90 like for his career 92 percent yeah yeah something crazy that's an insane number but back when Jan Stennerud was kicking he was 72 percent for his career, 92%. Yeah, something crazy like that.
That's an insane number. But back when Jan Stennerud was kicking, he was 72% for his career.
So everything gets better. You have the prolific long snappers now, and that's all they do is snap the ball.
We didn't have that. I had a greasy offensive lineman with gloves on who just got done with a 12-play drive, and now he's got to put a different hat on and snap the ball.
Yeah. Come on.
It's a big difference. It's a big difference.
And you don't have him in practice. Right.
These guys are attached at the hip in practice. Come here, little snapper, you know, over here now, and you got him.
Well, I don't think we talk about that enough, how the kicking game obviously has improved so much, but the specialist of having the long snapper, these guys, when they snap it, they've got it down to such a science that when it hits the holder's hand... Laces are 12 o'clock.
The laces are already set up. They know how much spin to put on the ball, and they can do it properly every single time.
That never spins, bad word. Spins, bad word, turn? Yeah, because spinning indicates a quick centrifugal motion.
We don't want that man okay you don't want to if i hit a ball that's moving like spinning on its axis right it's going to spin right off your foot you turn it turn you want to you want to tell your holder hey if you got to turn it turn it but hopefully uh you know that long snapper knows exactly how many rotations to get the laces at 12 yeah Yeah. But if they're at nine or three and I'm coming a snap to kick 1.2 seconds, 1.15, which I was, just leave them.
Yeah. Don't mess with them.
A moving ball is the worst thing to hit as a kicker. Yeah.
Leave it. Even if the laces are pointed at me, I can still compress the football through that.
Yeah. I got into an argument online um i think it was in the playoffs last year

about how the lace is being pointed in if you know everyone says like point the laces out and ideally you'd like the laces to be pointed out of course but they're pointed in a good kicker should be able to still make that field goal it's if they're on the side or if the ball is leaning to a side that you don't like it leaning to don't want to lean it like if it lean if it le like, if I'm left-footed, you like it leaning left just a little bit, but never, like, towards you. And you kick, because now you're going to hit the side panel.
Yeah. You're going to get a shit kick to the right or for a right-footed to the left.
So anyway, you want to have that nice vertical ball flight, wind-piercing ball flight, you know vertically right down the middle. And we aim for the middle.
Why PFT? Because the middle never changes. And one of the things that you taught me when we were getting ready for the XFL tryouts a couple years ago, your mentality was just your body is like a homing pigeon to the middle of the uprights.
Right. Whenever you step on the field, you like to be always walking towards the center of the uprights because you're just like channeling your entire energy at that direction.
The parameter is never going to change. It's going to be, you know, you're 18 feet into six inches.
So we don't care about that. We just care about a point through which and to which we're going to kick.
Yep. When you would miss kick what is the what does the sideline say does anyone ever say anything to you or is it just like because that's i i love that interchange where it's like yeah kicker misses a kick goes to the sideline maybe you see the punter being like hey nice try but yeah i love pat on the ass and you know next time would anyone like a quarterback come up to you or something or anyone say anything to you? No, not really, but I did have one instance in Jacksonville in 96, and this was what put Jacksonville in the playoffs with Brunel and those guys.
And we were down by two points. I had a 30-yarder in the rain, in the mud.
As I planted, my plant foot kind of moved up ahead of the ball, and kind of slipped and i shanked it left we lost the game we were like three and 13 we weren't going anywhere anyway and i'm laying there on my my my back and uh robbie chobek was one of the offensive linemen he straddles me and i'm thinking what a nice teammate's gonna help me out he goes you lost the fucking game so that situation was distasteful and then he stepped over me and left me there oh my god and it was the last game of the season so i had to wait the whole off season to to make one you know that was really bad oh that's brutal to have the season end on a miss oh it was bad that's really and tough. And it got Jacksonville.
But here's the rest of the story. So it gets Jacksonville in the playoffs for the first time in franchise history.
I get a call in March if I would come to Jacksonville and present Mark Brunel with the Sportsman of the Year Award as a surprise guest. It's a big black tie, shindig deal.
deal i said absolutely uh they said we'll set you up at sawgrass at marriott you know we'll give you a little scratch to come down i said i'm turning this shitty experience into something you know profitable yeah it's america i love it yeah so i go to jacksonville i'm the surprise i'm the last presenter nobody knows i'm there I walk out and I fake slip you know just like and I get a standing ovation for like 2,000 people in black ties it was freaking awesome Mark Burnell's laughing and then I went and played golf at Sawgrass for like three rounds and hung out at the Marriott it was awesome that's that's incredible right but so you you know you you turn a shitty thing into something fun and profitable what's wrong with that nothing absolutely nothing so you kicked forever in uh in new orleans you're a new orleans legend you were once ranked what was like the top three bachelor in new orleans which is number one but who's you know i also read a story that people would call like girls were calling the saints just like leaving messages being like hey if morton's around can you give me a call were you actually getting messages from from the new orleans saints well this was back when there was answering machines and landlines there was no there was no worldwide web there was no mobile phones so it was like meeting me at the bell tower at noon you know yeah it was very like the okay corral thing the OK Corral thing. It was like the Old West, you know, the wild, wild West.

Did you ever do that?

What?

Just show up somewhere random?

Like the Saints were like, hey, this girl just called.

She said, meet me down by the trolley.

You know what to do.

Meet me down on the neutral ground.

Yeah.

And you're like, yeah, you know what?

Today feels like a good day to try that out.

Let's make a bad decision. I made bad decisions back in the in the early 80s i certainly did um but for some reason my my outfits always got me through i had parachute pants uh i had the boots had the headband had a little eyeliner going google that take it to the top video you'll see eyeliner galore flock of seagulls.
Wham kind of thing. Yeah.
Yeah. And it's got traction now so many years, 40 years later, which I kind of like.
You know, people are bringing it back up going, oh, man, look at this. This is cool.
Retro's cool. He had the nads to do it back then when it was really cool to do it.
You know, with the mullets and all that. So there was a lot of fun.
I mean'm saying i was single back then you're a ball player in new orleans it's the only gig in town suffice it to say it was a lot of fun yeah i bet so so now are you still are you close with the team yes very so i have a theory that sean payton is still kind of like ghost coaching this team that that he wasn't ready to leave just yet.

I don't know if he coached Sunday, man.

Yeah, I don't know if he was involved with that.

He was on TV.

He was wearing a visor and a suit.

It looked really strange.

I don't know if you saw that.

Are you kidding me?

It was a strange look. It was very strange.

But I feel like Sean Payton, he's got to still be involved

to a certain extent with the team, right?

I don't think so.

No?

Honestly, I think he's a broadcaster for this year,

and then next year we'll see him coaching again.

You think Cowboys?

You know, we know his history there.

Thank you. the team right i don't think so no honestly i think he's he's a broadcaster for this year and then next year we'll see him coaching again you think cowboys you know we know his history there who who knows but you know if he goes the saints get gets a couple of picks nice picks yeah there's like true compensatory stuff yeah yeah first round pick i think yeah what was uh i don't know if we i don't think i asked you this first time what was your what's the one kick you like think about all the time like that was awesome the the your favorite kick there's a couple there's one in atlanta my one of my first game winners kenny stable the snake was the quarterback and he kind of uh we needed a field goal to win the game i was so nervous i remember we're.
We were in Fulton County Stadium. It was, like, getting dark.
It was like a late game. And the snake goes down and gets me into, like, a 35-yarder.
Calls timeout. He's standing by the, you know, and he had that timeout.
You know, you could just see him. And I'm coming on the field, and he grabs me.
I'll never forget it. I was nervous.
My eyes are, like, flickering, you know. I'm like, oh, I got it.
Now I can't screw this up. Snake just disarmed it.
Let's go home, Morton. He knows I'm going to make it.
Yeah. Yeah, very cool.
The snake just told me, let's go home. Well, you're going home no matter what.
Well, true, but, it as yeah you know yeah so that one was cool um the cancer city one was a lot of fun dwayne rudd game the nfc championship game was fun 38 and overtime that was fun because you're going to the super bowl you're going to the big dance you know um there was one in philly that was really fun because they were throwing ice cubes at me as i was lining up for a 50-yard field going bet the old vet yeah to put the game into overtime and then in overtime i had a 52 yard to win the game which we did in the snow and the ice and bombarded with ice ice cubes and and chunks i mean it was coming down heavy from from the end zone

it was wild yeah that's that's philly how do you manage kicking in in the snow that always seems like it's the toughest it's all about the footing i have this plant shoe that's really gnarly looking it's got all it's got these long kind of rubber suction cups on the bottom of it and it just grips right through any wet condition yeah it's ugly real real ugly shoe it's not you know you know it's not a brand i don't think you made it yourself i kind of just uh i had a sharpie and i just kind of did a logo just an arbitrary logo has nothing to do with any logo that exists from a profitable company. It was kind of like my own.
It was before they were branding shoes. Now everybody does their own shoes, right? They do their own shoes, their own causes.
I was doing my own brand back then, you know. It was like.
I feel like kickers are like that, too. They have their weird little things that that they you know they they get into the mindset

that makes them comfortable and then they get superstitious and they repeat those things did you have any really weird superstitions um i had a routine very uh very uh and i it bordered on psychotic i would say yeah so two white socks on my left on my kicking leg one on my right and there was a sequence to how to put the uniform on there was a sequence to the pre-game warm-up i would get to the stadium three hours before i would uh you know the whole thing was i would walk the hash hash marks yep why would i walk the hash marks i would mentally rehearse if there were any bad spots and then i would i had a notebook so i wrote everything down i showed you that when you came down i wrote everything down so 26 yard line right hash vet stadium a pitching mound you know because we played on paper back in the 80s played on baseball fields right so it wasn't like now where it was multipurpose stadiums we were playing in. So imagine going from dirt to grass or from grass to dirt and try to get footing and try to figure out you're not going to be able to change cleats depending on – because now we've got a first down.
Oh, shit, now we're on grass. But we were on dirt.
Right. So I've got to have another shoe.
It was like in Oakland. It wasn't even that long ago.
Oakland had it. San Diego had it.
Candlestick had it. Miami had it.
Miami had it. All of them had it.
So would you tell your team, like, hey, if you need to set me up for a field goal, can you try to get past the pitcher's mound? Or can you just try to put it on the right hash? Well, I would rather have straight dirt. Give me straight dirt or straight grass grass don't give me dirt to grass or grass to dirt meaning i don't want to start on dirt and end on grass and vice versa but if i'm on dirt i'm on dirt i go dirt to dirt all day right i like that grass to grass dirt to dirt all day put that on a shirt dirt to dirt all day would you rather go you know what grass to grass, fine.
You'd rather go dirt to grass or grass to dirt? I don't want to do either, but if I had a choice, I would rather go grass to dirt because grass is a little higher, so I'm coming down, and I'm also- That first push off, I'm on grass. I'm not going to skid.
I'm not going to sashay. You know how when you

push off and the cleat doesn't catch?

That's a real

shitty feeling of lack of leverage.

What do you think about it? So I think grass to dirt

would be better. Grass to dirt, yeah.

I can see that. Also, kicking off dirt,

it's a different sport, it feels like.

But if you can kick something...

I feel like you should get more points off dirt.

It's like a bunker shot. Correct.
Like in golf, yeah. I feel like you should get four points outside of 40 on dirt.
And, like, if you missed it, then you maybe get another trot. No, that's not realistic.
I do like the idea of having a four-point field goal. What about? A 60-yarder should be four points.
Agreed. What do you think about Justin Reed? Is he maybe the best athlete in NFL history? He's the safety on the Chiefs that's like kicking touchbacks? He was ripping the ball.
He kind of made us look bad. He kicked a fucking – I kind of was like pissed at him because I was like he's too good to play another position and he's making it look too easy.
And here we are making a living out of this. And here we are like spending all this time doing it.
And he just goes out and wings it and bangs the ball that kind of pissed me off it made everybody be like kickers aren't that good yeah because this right this guy just safety kick he kicked a 65 yarder in practice i don't want to he shouldn't be allowed to do that that's bad we got to cover that up if the kicker community has to he wasn't part of the union it's been a big community of silence for years that like yes anybody can kick a 65 yard

field goal it's not that hard to do and then he went ahead and did it for the cameras i think you told me that before you came down and and try to hit a 40. yeah well i had a 45.
yes you did i had a 45 now some people are saying it's the thin air in colorado but i was in a dome and the altitude doesn't travel indoors. No.
So it was thick air. Yeah, it was good.
No, but so that's a little concerning to me that you have a guy that's like a safety that just goes out and bangs the ball. It would be like me playing great safety ball.
It's not going to happen. Right, right.
The matador at safety position is not going to work. No, that does not work.
Are you looking forward to Adam Vinatieri being up for the for the hall of fame because you like hey he makes it here's another kicker yeah let's like we can hang out together so we're soon we'll have our own room yeah because that's that's three guys three is and we can add ray guys a punter and then we got of course blanda and and gogalak i mean not gogalakza, and they were multi-positions, but still they kicked.

Yeah.

And Tucker will eventually be in there.

Tucker will be there, and there's a couple other guys I think should be there,

but, you know, there's just –

Vinatieri would be big.

I think Adam is there for sure.

Yeah.

He's the leading scorer in the game.

He made big Super Bowl kicks in shit weather.

I mean, yeah, he's absolutely – he played forever, 23 years? Yeah. 24 maybe even? Yeah.
So, yeah, I feel like he should be there. And Janikowski? Oh, that's a tweener for me.
Yeah. I just like to see him at the banquet.
I also like. The bar is going to run dry.
Yeah. Yeah.
Janikowski's one of those guys that like, if he just trotted out for the Raiders on sunday i'd be like oh yeah yeah he's still there like i would like you know what i mean like he he was still playing yeah right like oh yeah yeah of course jaynikowski's about to kick right yeah no i i hear you on that he's like the yeah the tom brady of yeah he was yeah and and i had that too for 25 years yeah you're playing played for all three commission That was kind of weird. I played for Roselle, Taggibu, and Goodell.
Yeah. Was there any difference with how the ball flew depending on the signature on the ball? No, that's a good question, though.
They were all pretty much embedded in that leather, so it didn't make a big difference. Did you ever accidentally kick a non-kicking ball in a game? Many times because the K-ball didn't come into play until later.
So we had these gnarly, right out of the box from Wilson in Chicago, with the wax on them. Yeah.
And we had a whole routine where we tried to get them a little better, try to get the wax off of them, try to make them a little fatter. Now they're just like balloons.
Yeah. That's why the ball's just flying.
They're juiced? So in this era? I don't know if you can say the ball's juiced because I don't know. You know, I asked the question, put helium in the ball, will it go further? I didn't know.
I imagine it would, right? Well, I guess wind resistance also acts on the ball. No, it didn't do anything.
Huh. Interesting.
Maybe have a scientist on to try to prove that one it would be kind of a cool little um remember the shows they used to do yeah myth busters yeah or the sports version yeah sports science yeah sports science where they actually went in and proved a disproved a theory yeah i kind of like that idea yeah with the ball and the helium i think they did that actually on one yeah i feel yeah because i feel like so it's it's lighter so you'd be able to strike it and hit it with more force i guess it would start to travel farther but then the wind resistance would act on it and i don't lighter so remember but it would knock it down a little bit all i know is when you if you strike the ball purely it's gonna go where you want it to go yeah and uh with with power and accuracy you know that's a cool thing what about the onside kick issue that we're having these days why isn't there why can't we just get an onside kick specialist why can't somebody just practice 24 i mean i invented that high i called it the anderson that high bounce where you slam it into the ground. Yep.
And then Olindo Mare kind of took it over and said it was his. Everyone knows it's called the Anderson.
Yeah. I mean, come on.
I know it is the Anderson. It's the Anderson bump.
It is the Anderson. It's a myth buster right there.
Yeah. Yeah.
The Anderson. And what was great about that thing was you could predict it.
You could predict where it it came down 12 yards right on the hash marks or outside depending on where we overloaded and then of course and we we had great success we did in preseason we did it on every kickoff in the preseason game we got like 70 of them back wow so that was we just wanted to see the numbers yeah and prove to us, and we could do it both ways.

We could do it to the right, to the left.

We could do it as a deliberate or a surprise, which was cool

because you would take a normal approach to a kickoff,

and at the last minute I'd go, ee, ee, and boom.

And then guys are sitting ducks there.

Now we've just got a guy that goes in and plays rebounding.

Yeah.

And the first line just crushes them. But now rules have changed all you can't overload can't take a running start so you you took a play that was league-wide 26 28 success and now it's like 11 yeah we were saying six to eight yeah success yeah so you took a you basically have done this to the kickoff you've killed it.
It's a non-play. It's a boring play now.
Guys are kicking it out of the end zone because they're kicking it from the 35-yard line with balloon balls. So you don't have returns, which was, I understand the injury aspect to it, violent collisions.
But there's no returns.

Those were exciting.

I mean, ask Deion Sanders.

What if everybody did the Anderson now?

What if you taught the Anderson to NFL kickers?

They're doing it.

They are doing it.

Some guys are doing it.

But the problem is now when you can't overload

and you can't take a running start,

the Anderson is not as effective as when you could do the overload and the overload and the running start yeah because you would have your tall guys right behind the bulldozers you'd bring the bulldozers in and and level it used to be such a great play yeah it'd be chaos yeah and it it is like we were we were talking about that jets come back the fact they will return the onside kick that doesn't anymore. So it's like you don't get those moments.
These are non-plays now. Yeah.
And it makes the game less fun, I think. Yeah, because it would be the down 14 with, you know, a minute and a half left.
It's really no chance it's going to happen because you've got to get that onside kick. You kind of know it's going to be a little dribble for me, and maybe you get a bounce, and maybe one dude hits off his leg, and maybe it happens.
But most of the time, the guy's just going to corral the ball, fall on it, and it's their ball. Yeah, it's game over.
Yep, yep. What about from a practice aspect when you were kicking, if you were to just put the ball middle of the field, 40-yard line, or call it 30-yard line, so 40-yard kick, if you had to kick 50 balls how many you make i mean i make 50 40 yards and then you make 100 you have to in the nfl you cannot miss inside 40 yards ever so in practice now did i yes i did but in practice you'd expect to go 50 for 50 i would never go beyond 40 yards until i made 10 in a row inside 40 yards.
So I could put one 28, 32, 35, 37, 39, 36 middle, right, and spray them and make them all. Then I would go out and have some fun on the long balls, but never until I earned the right.
I kind of mentally told myself I've got to earn the right to go long by crushing the short. Because those those are your money kicks really 30 to 45 yards are your money kicks in the nfl has to be like 99 that's where the majority of the kicks are going to come that's where you need your point production you've got to have them yeah got to have them that's where the uh long balls are sexy exotic oh look at me i got a big leg you know that kind of It's fun.
It's like a home run, right? At the end of the game, a walk-off home run. Sometimes small ball works, though.
Just get on base. Yeah.
Singles and doubles all day. It plays, yeah.
Yeah. So I had one last question, a rowback question.
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Great stuff. Great golf stuff.
So we talked a little bit about betting at the beginning. Do you handicap games based on kickers at all? Like, are kickers involved in how you're – Yes, I think they are.
They are. I don't really bet a lot.
Yeah, yeah. But if you were, like, how would you – If I was too bad, I would say if a guy, you just look at his points per game, right? You look at what's his average.
I don't know. I don't even play fantasy football, although my kids do.
It's a lot of fun. It's engaging.
But I would say if you have a good kicker, he's going to win you at least three games. For sure.
Maybe more. i i averaged i would say probably walk offs you know impactful kicks and they're all important because they're points but like last five minutes of the game i probably had three to four a year over 25 years right that's a lot that's like a hundred and some game winners yeah yeah book um so i don't know how you would handicap because it's not really my you know like my thing yeah but um i mean the quarterback's obviously gonna be the guy because he handles the ball the most the receivers the studs that catch the ball right and can make plays happen that way pass rushers that can affect the quarterback play by sacking them and people that snag the ball in.
Cornerbacks and things like that. What about running backs? Not so much anymore, you know? Dying breed.
Tight end. Tight ends have become like wide receivers now.
Correct. They Yeah.
They're receivers with bigger bodies. Yeah.
Was there any team that you played against that was really good at affecting your field goal kicking? Like from a defensive, maybe not even blocking a lot of it, but maybe coming close enough or hitting you after the fact. Did you ever get really...
Steve Tasker in Buffalo. He was really good.
Steve was good. He really screwed us in the Pro Bowl.
I don't know if I told you this story, but we were – so if you win the Pro Bowl, you can make more money than if you lose the Pro Bowl. And I had a game winner, a 47-yarder.
Now, the rules in the Pro Bowl is you can't rush on field goals and punts because it's basically soft pads. Nobody wants to get hurt.
It's the last game of the season. You're going into theseason come on don't full out rush so steve tasker is like screw that you know i'm gonna block this kick so everybody's just like you know and he just comes flying through you're not supposed to and takes it off my foot but there's no rule for that like it's a it's an unwritten rule and then i get blamed lawrence taylor was pissed at me he goes you just cost us quarter million dollars man i go dude he took it off my foot yeah no one blocked nobody everybody just kind of and then the red sea opened up and steve task at that that that that's tough that's incredible and then you have to answer to lawrence taylor about it yeah that That's not fun.
That's tough. That's incredible.
And then you have to answer to Lauren Saylor about it. Yeah.
That can't be tough. That's not fun.
LT came at me hard. I was like, oh, sorry, dog.
Yeah, I just Googled it. I'll buy you a Mai Tai later.
Steve Tasker never blocked a field goal before that moment because, you know, it's hard to block field goals. He did.
He blocked a lot, actually. He was really good.
Here's a guy I think ought to be in the Pro Football Hall of Fame as a specialist, him and Devin Hester. Yes, Devin Hester absolutely should.
And I know I'm going to get pushback sometimes when I say that, but Steve Tasker was a guy. You can't write the history of the NFL without mentioning Steve Tasker and Devin Hester.
And Devin Hester, yeah. I mean, he was a game changer.
They affected games, field precision.

Yeah.

And he blocked, he scooped and scored a ton of punts and field goals.

Yeah.

And he was great in coverage.

Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, Devin Hester, there was six years where it was just

do not kick the ball to this man.

And even when teams tried to kick away from him,

he still would return him.

Right.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, this has been fun. Always fun hanging.
Great to catch up with you. Morton Anderson, Hall of Famer, the Great Dane.
The Matador. The Matador.
We'll go with the Great Dane. The Great Dane's better than the Matador.
Inventor of the Anderson. Yeah, inventor of the Anderson.
Hey, don't forget dirt to dirt. Yeah, dirt to dirt all day.
All day to dirt all day. Also, I might have a tryout coming up with the XFL.
I've been talking behind the scenes, so I'm dusting off the plates. We'll do some Zoom calls? We might have to do some Zoom calls, and I don't know, maybe we can catch up and go out there.
Refresh a course? Yeah, because I'm... You can always come to Atlanta.
It's been two years, so I haven't kicked in a long time. It's time for you to knock the dust.

You know, Russ never sleeps. I'm trying to get up to 37 yards.
That's my goal. Kick my own age.
They say that's very hard to do. You're saying 10 out of 10? 10 out of 10 from 37 in.
Ooh. I think we can do it.
That's high aspirations. I love it.
I'll take that journey with you, bro. I think we do.
I'll take that journey. Billy's got all the research chemicals necessary.
I love it. Hey, thanks, guys.
Thanks so much, Morton. Morton Anderson was brought to you by our great friends over at Curve.
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Yes. Great deal.
Yes. Great deal.
Yes. 175 to go to that game.
That's fucking there's going to be points. Yummy.
Fireworks. In conference.
Download the GameTime app. In conference.
Yeah. In conference.
Wow. Huge in conference game.
Download the GameTime app. Better yet.
In division. In division.
Wow. Yeah.
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Bills, Dolphins, $175. Wow.
That game is going to rule. And there's going to be a lot of Bills Mafia there.
Bills Mafia, if you're going to Miami, game time app. Yep.
Do it. And it's actually $155 if you use that code PMT for $20 off.
Bang. What can you buy in Miami for $20, Big Cat? Anything.
Anything you want. Yep.
Okay. Hank.
My FireFest, besides the Celtics coach getting suspended for a year. For what? Having a disgustingly messy public.
For being too hot. Drama, yeah.
That sucks. The only crime he did was his dick was too hard.
Wednesday night. Tuesday night.
Tuesday night. Tuesday comes before Wednesday.
Tuesday comes before Wednesday to kill the two-man. I wasn't even watching the game.
I was just playing video games, minding my business, doing my thing. Oh, let's get some context.
He's talking about the Yankees game. Yeah, I was going to get there.
Okay, all right. Okay, all right.
So I wasn't even watching the Yankees game. I was playing video games, and then I went to go use the bathroom,, sat down on the toilet and right as I sat down on the toilet, I checked Twitter as one does.
The two man. And I see, yep, it's two manning on a Tuesday.
You're a big poop guy, Hank. Huge poop guy.
Number two on this podcast in terms of being a poop guy. Yeah, well that makes you the ultimate poopest poop guy.
I see Aaron Judge hit a home run, number 60. Everyone's freaking out, and I see the score that they're down four runs.
We've been having this ongoing bad sports town debate on this show, so I decided to make a joke both at the bad sports town joke and at the Yankees fans' expense because fuck the Yankees and their fans. I like to troll them.
And I said, this is embarrassing that they are celebrating this hard when they just went down from four to three in the bottom of the ninth. Are the Yankees a bad sports town? Yes.
I think I switched apps. I sent the tweet out, switched apps, probably went over to Instagram, maybe Snapchat, who knows.
Just doing my thing. Go back on Twitter.
Before I even finish, I'm still in the process of twoing it up i'm still twoing like it was it was three minutes later you were two and on and i my mentions were were blown to smithereens with people being like oh my god oh my god you're fucking idiot what's the score check the score bitch like blah blah blah blah blah blah turns out mike stanton hit a walk-off grand slam uh so the yankees won the game. So Aaron Judge's home run was important, and they should have cheered.
It was very important. They should have cheered, and the fact that they cheered so they were a good sports town and the fact that they ended up winning in a Grand Slam made my tweet look idiotic, stupid, and I spent the night.
Big Cat retweeted it. Well, it was a great tweet.
I was behind in the game, so I was watching the game on delay. You got blown to smithereens.
I saw your tweet, and I was like, wow, that's a great point. And then when I got to real time, I was like, oh, my God, Hank, this tweet must have been really bad.
Yeah, I got a couple bombs dropped on me, and then Big Cat just came over the top with a nuke. And so I just got...
I had to retweet that. I was just getting all types of mean tweets and messages and people call me

all types of names.

And it just,

it wasn't nice and I didn't appreciate it.

Yeah.

Well,

sorry,

Hank,

I don't,

I don't hate to take though.

I kind of like,

I kind of liked the fact though,

when the way that they hid the score on the video that they tweeted from the

MLB account.

So you couldn't see how potentially inconsequential that home run was. That was chicken shit.
It was chicken shit. It was a chicken shit move on the part of Major League Baseball.
I also hope so badly that Aaron Judge hit 61. And yeah, I hope he had 61 and 62 on Friday night on Apple TV.
Yeah. And just everyone's pissed off about it.
And also, I don't. Michael K is not on the call.
I hope it's the least important moment in the history of baseball that's one of the most important moments. Yeah.
I get why scumbags like Jake and Billy care, because it's like he's going for the Yankees record. But who gives a fuck? I do, because I have this bet.
Right. So you three care.
Makes sense. Well, I hope you win your bet.
He's going. But I hope you win your bet, too.
He's going for sixth place in the all-time home run record. Who cares? At the same time, I kind of agree with Hank on that take.
You're going to win your bet. But I'm talking about the rest of the nation.
You're going to win your bet. You're going to cash out.
But at the same time, he plays in a Mickey Mouse stadium with Mickey Mouse fences. And if he played, I want to see how many home runs Aaron Judge would have hit if he played.
What's the farthest stadium? Well, Citi Field. Where he's going to play next year.
I want to see how many home runs Aaron Judge would have hit if he played – what's the farthest stadium?

Well, City Field, where he's going to play next year.

I want to see how many home runs he would have hit in City Field this year.

Mike Stanton's Grand Slam wouldn't have been out in Fenway, a real stadium.

Didn't we look that up?

With real walls.

He hit more not in the stadium?

I don't know.

Didn't we check that out?

Yeah, but it's not going to stop me from spitting this takeout, though. That's the thing.
I just don't get all the hoopla around it. I want to win my bet.
Okay. That's all I care about.
Whatever. It's a team record.
He's going for a team record. Yeah.
That's what it is. The person that gave him his ball back, I think...
Oh, my God. Fuck, that's just Yankees fans in a nutshell.
You're well within your rights to give it back. Bitch made.
And he's basically, he's like, yeah, Billy, we know that you're like an expert on ball contract law. No, no, but I have a take.
Okay. Okay.
I think that they're paying these guys a lot, but they don't make it public how much they're giving them because they don't want to raise the price for future type memorabilia. So all those times you're like, oh, this person's stupid for just taking that much.
Yeah. I think they're getting paid off behind the scenes.
Well, if I caught his 61st or 62nd home run, this is what I would ask for the ball. One, Judge's bat used for the home run inscribed by Judge.
Two, one of the jerseys worn by Judge inscribed by Judge. Three, a hard ticket to the game inscribed by Judge.
And four, pictures with Judge. That was Darren Revell cosplaying his foul ball guy.
He already has his demands. Darren Revell tweeted his own demands.
Oh, he said that's what he would do? Yes, that's his own demands. I would ask for season tickets for 10 years.
I would ask for season tickets for life. Yeah.
What are they going to say? Right. Legends tickets.
All right. Okay, I'll keep the ball.
You know what I would do? I would demand that Aaron Judge remain a Yankee after the season's over.

I would have held it hostage to make sure that Aaron Judge signs with the

Yankees and does not go anywhere else in free agency,

and then I give him the ball back.

It was funny because Ravel just tweeting out,

like, here's what my demands are for a ball I'll never catch.

There are a couple losers who are like,

I'd just give it back to him because he did all the hard work. A loser.
No, you wouldn't. That's stupid.
You're going to look real dumb. Yeah, get something, dude.
You're going to look real dumb when Darren Revelle catches the ball. I'm rooting for Darren Revelle.
How cool would that be? Here's the thing, though. It actually might be the biggest story in sports history if Darren Revelle catches number 62.
He won't be able to catch it. Hample went on vacation, by the way.
Absolute fraud. What? Yeah.
He bowed out the most important time? Brutal. Never meet your heroes.
Wow. No, Revell wouldn't be able to catch the ball because this ball, you're going to have to not only catch it, but you're going to have to complete a football move.
People are going to be going after you. Yeah.
It's going awesome. I think Darren Revelle would turn into a cornered house cat and just start scraping people with his nails.
That would actually be the best outcome is Darren Revelle catches it and then someone forces a fumble and then he spends the rest of his life complaining about how he technically caught it. Would be great.
Would be great. Okay, good FireFest, Hank.
Sorry for retweeting it. No, I'm not sorry great fire fest that's awesome when i retweeted loved your fire fest hank used code hank no use code jake code jake merchant palooza use code promo code jake jake billy i'm gonna ask you not to sign to our microphones yeah thank you he's not mad he's just signed promo code jake on all the you want.
10% off on the Barstool store, Jake. Promo code Jake for our boy.
Jake. Jake.
Jake. Thank you guys.
All AWLs have to use promo code Jake. Otherwise, you're not an AWL.
They're calling him Jake Merch. That's the new nickname on the streets right now.
Nice. That motherfucker over there, he moves product, as Erica Nardini would say.
PFT, your fire fest. My Fire Fest is I'm going to Knoxville, Tennessee this weekend.
Big Cat, you're also going there. I will.
The college football show, 1.30, I think, is our show. I can't remember what the bar is.
I will be at that bar doing some sort of wing contest thing. Versus Will Compton, yes.
With Will Compton. I'm going to do bussing.
I'm going to do the facility. I'm doing a lot of stuff with Matt Cardosin because Arian obviously went to Tennessee.
It's his first time back on campus. Big T is a giant Tennessee fan.
His name is Big T. Is he playing 101? We agree.
He might be. The Hill.
He might be. The Hill at the Hill.
130 at the Hill. That's such a great college bar name.
Yeah, it is. We're going to the Hill.
So I've been looking forward to this weekend. It's going to be a fun time.
But Knoxville, being a smaller city, doesn't have that many options for flights out. Yeah.
And so I'm going to have to fly back on NFL Sunday as games are going on. On a plane that I think will have TVs.
Delta, right? Delta has TVs. Delta does have TVs, but they probably will only have...
They'll have and Fox CBS and Fox, yeah CBS and Fox so I'm going to be subjected to whatever those games are I don't know how they determine what the local game is when you're on an airplane I feel like it's usually just New York so it'll be Jets-Bengals Jets-Bengals Luckily, PFT You might only get CBS then With Sling, they have the Red Zone channel. Okay.
Oh. Yeah, I've done it on a plane before.

If it's good Wi-Fi, it'll work.

Okay, well, it's never good Wi-Fi, though.

Give me the Allegiant Air, the plane that's in the process of crashing that has the extra Wi-Fi on it.

Sounds like you need Paramount Plus.

I do have Paramount Plus.

Great.

Good call, Big Cat.

So it looks like I'll be totally covered this weekend flying back.

But the point remains, flying during NFL Sundays, it's less than ideal.

I mean, yeah, I took a red eye last week because I didn't want to do that.

There's a lot of people. this weekend flying back.
But the point remains, flying during NFL Sundays, it's less than ideal.

I mean, yeah, I took a red eye last week because I didn't want to do that.

I didn't sleep just so I could watch football. My other option would be, like, drive to Nashville on Saturday after the game

and try to fly back in the middle of the night.

But there aren't that many red eyes from Nashville.

And time zones.

And time zones.

That's a bad airport for time zones.

Knoxville's eastern.

It is.

That's what I'm saying.

I was... middle of the night but there aren't that many red eyes from nashville and time zones and time zones that's a bad airport for time zones knoxville's east eastern it is that's what i'm saying but you go to nashville central remember different times true i do remember you forgot about time zones you go back in time yeah an hour you don't want to fuck with the nashville airport just in general yeah so i don't carpeted airport correct i don't like carpeted airport i don't think so man maybe i'm thinking you can sleep on them no but it comes something about carpeted airports like dude people spill shit in airports where does that go yeah i just stays there i just don't ever have a carpeted studio well yeah i know and but that's like a the coffee but an airport doesn't need to be carpeted they zambonioni the carpets.
Yeah, I don't trust that thing.

So, yeah, I'm very stressed out already about it.

Yeah, that sucks. It does.

It stinks.

I don't know what I'm going to do.

I'm still trying to find.

If you own a plane in Knoxville and you're looking to just let me tag along

while you fly up to New York on Sunday, Sunday morning, please let me know.

What's that look, Hank?

Yeah, someone hop in.

Let them rock. Anyone with a private jet? No, you opened your eyes.
I'm not going to the game. I went last year.
It was a great experience. Love Tennessee.
Shout out Dougs. Feels like 98.
But yeah, I'm not going to the game. I need to get home.
I want to watch Wisconsin lose by 75 to Ohio State. I'm really looking forward to that.
That's going to be fun. Okay, my Fyre Fest is, I'm just like two weeks behind PFT, but I have quit Zen and I am, yeah, I'm like four hours in and it sucks.
So, no nicotine anymore for these boys. I'm here to tell you it gets better.
I got some gum. I'm weaning myself off.
I'm not strong enough to go cold turkey, but yeah, it sucks, But we're doing it. We're going to be a nicotine-free podcast on this side of the road.
I'm going Nick free. Yeah? Are you? What's on your desk? That's Max's.
Hank went with, I'm holding it for a friend. Yeah.
So everyone, please be supportive. Yeah, just do this.
Big Cat, I'll be your sponsor. Well, Billy, let's not.
I had actually quit, and then you came back with 100 fucking fucking stuff. Yeah, that is the part that sucks right now.
No, I just bought 100 tins, but I'm quitting. That's actually the best way to be able to quit something is to overdo it.
Yeah. Because you're not going to quit anything unless you reach a place where you acknowledge yourself.
Like, your rock bottom was spending, what, $100 on nothing but zen at any given time? The tax was a lot. Was it? Yeah.
I thought we gave you money because it was cheaper. It was cheaper, but the tax is still a tax.
That's Billy's tax. Billy, yeah.
No, no, it's not my tax. Billy came back with so much zen that it had to be put into a box with foam packing peanuts.
Yeah. Which, I mean, Zen isn't really fragile, so that's telling you how much Zen we had.
And at that point, you have to look yourself in the mirror and say, okay, this might be- I'm done. It might be excessive at this point.
Ten logs. I'm done.
Yeah, ten logs. So, Big Cat, it gets better.
The first four days, in my experience, are the hardest. Yep.
I'm going to do it. This Sunday is going to be tough.
I'm going to do it. This Sunday is going to be tough.
What are you laughing at? I just saw Netflix's tweet, PFT. What about it? Yeah, told you.
They posted George's, the meme. I've got to focus.
I'm shifting into soup mode. They're clout chasing on soup.
Ah, damn. It's left and right.
I saw like three cartoons today. Just because it's fall doesn't mean now you get back into soup.
It's not chili season yet. It's coming.
Soup never left, bitch. Chili season might get here early.
I saw next week. It was going to be in the 60s.
That feels good. You know what meme has stopped, though? That it's going to be fall.
Time to start dressing. Oh.
That hasn't happened this season. Christian Girl Autumn.
Yeah, I saw one post, but it was like an ironic Christian Girl Autumn post today. Yeah.
Alright, Billy.'re Firefest. Firefest is that turns out Yik Yak is not anonymous.

The app that was very fun for colleges is not anonymous.

And we found that out today because someone threatened to blow up a nuclear reactor in the Utah University of Utah Science Auditorium if they lost to San Diego State University.

And it turns out it was a Yik Yak joke and they found the person and arrested them. All-time doctor is the mother moment when I think all of us here were like football guy, and then it came out it was a woman, so hand up.
Yeah, respect to her. Yeah, respect.
I think it's disgusting how social media companies are just trying to censor everybody left and right these days, and you can't threaten to detonate a nuclear weapon on campus after a bad loss that isn't even what she was doing she was rooting for her team yeah it's just kind of root for your team it's it's orwellian is what it is you can't root for your team otherwise you'll go to jail yeah uh also that's kind of to be honest with you that's like the coolest thing ever yeah that i'm not talking about like like the proposed detonation of it. It fucking rocks that the University of Utah has a nuclear reactor.
Yeah, apparently Purdue does too. Yeah, that makes sense.
They're pretty easy to make. Oh, God.
Jake, that's my fire fest now. Jesus Christ.
That's America's fire fest. Yeah.
Sorry, Jake. Sorry.
Billy's been reading about how to make your own nuclear. This is why you need to use promo code Jake, because we can't have Billy have just $10,000 to go build a nuclear device.
Well, you know what I'm going to do with it if I win? I'm going to put all of it on a Thursday night football game next Thursday. We've been through this.
You're not giving it to charity. Then we're going to donate the winnings from if it wins or if it loses.
So you're trying to act like this whole thing was for charity, when in reality it's to have you win money and then have you bet on a game, and then if you win extra money, then you give the extra money. Correct.
Making you look like a hero. I will pledge because I just wanted to show that I was able to push merch.
I will donate all of it and the winnings. I already said I'd use every dollar to buy PS5s for the people.
I said I would take a sick vacation. I will donate all of it.

25K plus the win.

Promo code Billy. I will put that in writing.

I'm saying it on the podcast. I don't even want the money.

I just want to show that because I'm in third

right now.

Do you want to make a bet? I'm saying it right here.

I'll make you a $25,000 bet.

Also Billy.

What if you promise to enlist

in the military if you win?

That's just ridiculous.

I'll actually.

I'll enlist if you want to win.

If you want to win.

If I win.

Yeah, same.

Okay.

Yeah, I'll match.

All right.

No, but like seriously, like I actually was pushing the most merch on the first day.

I was number one until the.

Oh, yeah.

We got one update two hours in and Billy was like, it's over.

Yeah.

I was number one for like most of yesterday until the stripper came. I didn't even know that the.
Seven days.'t even know that the... Seven days.
You're hanging a banner after the first round. I didn't even know the contest.
It's true. Look, I'm just saying...
He's not mad. Just so everyone knows, Billy's not mad.
I just wanted to show that I could do something. And Billy, guess what? Mission accomplished.
But I'm being attacked. But if you don't finish in the top ten, what have you shown? I'm going to...
Look, there's... The funny part is...
I'm just going away until payday. People are going to get their paychecks.
Then we're going to hit them with some serious sales pitches. Billy thinks that he's being attacked.
I'm not being attacked. You literally just said a second ago, and now I'm the one that's being attacked.
I just started to do well. Then you're all hating.
You're all being haters. I'm not hating at all.
You're all being haters. What happened was you got off to a lead.
We started pumping up Jake's promo code because we just wanted Jake to win. It had nothing to do with you.
And then you thought that everyone was attacking you because we were promoting Jake. I also didn't even know the contest was live for Billy's lead.
Like the time I realized that it was live, it was like, oh, okay. And then you were already out of the lead.
By the way, this is exactly what Hank wanted the entire time. I know, Puppet Master Hank.
When Hank developed this contest, he wanted it to turn to the Hunger Games. Where we have everybody taking shots at each other.
We're playing into Hank's hand right now. We need to look ourselves in the mirror and say, why are we attacking each other when we're being manipulated by our boss yeah i just know i can do it by myself and get to the top let's go billy but use promo code jake jake promo code billy please he's not mad uh promo code jake uh my fire fest is i got my flu shot earlier this week so did i and i've been sore in the neck and the arm it's been tough come on heating pad biofree oh my god i got it too it did not yeah it got me bad i don't know but uh yeah did you get it last year i don't think so i actually got it and i forgot i got it so like the next day i woke up and i was like went to take a shower i was like why do i have a bandit oh yeah I got a shot.
Also, I have an anti-fire fest for you. Oh.
Boborowski just retired.

Oh, yeah, I got a shot. Also, I have an anti-fire fest for you.

Oh.

Boborowski just retired.

Oh, nice.

Big 10.

Fuck him.

Basketball official.

See you never, bro.

Yeah.

He was the worst.

The worst.

Okay.

I just checked the standings again.

Yep, Jake, you're still ahead of Billy.

Nice.

Thank you.

But we got work to do.

What about the Not Mad standings? The Not Mad, Billy's still number one okay not mad but i'm third overall nice by myself yeah but number one not mad and not mad all right numbers well actually honestly we're still in the money you're the least mad person the least bad and if i'm in the money then i don't have to actually never mind never mind. All right.
Okay. Hank, have you ever won this?

Yeah.

No, I know.

Merch contest?

Number one.

The reason why I keep saying you're not mad is because you're not mad.

What was your number?

I'm climbing up the leaderboard.

Oh, Hank, how the hell did you get in seven?

Hank's winning his own contest.

I'll tell you right now, Billy.

The Car Stick 3.0, now available on sale.

That's interesting that it was released right now.

It's great for opening cans, bottles, and lots of other uses. Like what? In the car? Like what, Hank? It's a 360 invention.
There's thousands of uses. It's actually true.
There probably are thousands of uses for that. Like if you want to check someone's knee, what do you call it? The reflexes.
Reflexes. Yeah, if you're a doctor and you want to use a beer bottle opener to check somebody out medically.
Yep. Just lots of uses.
Probably use it as a fishing lure. Yeah, you could do that.
It looks like you could scoop stuff with that if you're baking a cake. All right, numbers.
Like a tiny cake. Yeah, yeah, if you're trying to measure out some flour.

If you're baking one individual cupcake and you're looking to measure the sugar to put on top of the cupcake,

that's a perfect device for it, Hank.

Perfect.

Yeah, I make Cheerios.

I like to do plain Cheerios to sprinkle a little sugar on top.

That's a great.

Scoop it right out.

There you go.

Beautiful.

It's exactly one pinch.

Yep.

Numbers.

Hank, you ever won this?

The ball machine? No. In this season of it? Or any season? No.
All right. 64.
Three in honor of the Car Stick 3.0. Available now.
Use promo code Hank for 10% off. I'm going to go with 18 in honor of Rosh Hashanah.

There we go.

Jake?

I'll go with 26.

Okay.

Billy, 69.

Max?

20.

I have 64.

71.

One guy did hit me up, said that they had 99.

In that brief second, they were ecstatic. Sorry to that guy.
71, which is dented. Wow.
Love you guys. Bat bites can occur without the victim even knowing.
Go Jake. I'm getting there When you

Masturbate

Think about my tongue

Or your clit

And switching back and forth

Switching back and forth

From my dick

To my tongue. Dick to my tongue.
Dick to my tongue. Dick to my tongue.
Switching back and forth from my dick to my tongue I'm getting there

When you masturbate

Think about my tongue

Oh, your clit and

Switching back and forth

Switching back and forth Switching back and forth

From my dick to my tongue

Dick to my tongue

Dick to my tongue

Dick to my tongue

Switching back and forth