Ryan Whitney And Paul Bissonnette, The Avalanche Win The Cup + Mt Rushmore Of Things That Change After Age 30

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
On today's Pardon My Take, the Colorado Avalanche have won the Stanley Cup. We talk about that.
Ole Miss is national champions. We have who's back of the week.
Our good friends Ryan Whitney and Paul Bissonette in studio. We taped it last week, but we did a great interview and we did a Mount Rushmore with them.
Mount Rushmore of things that change after you turn 30. Great Mount Rushmore.
And then we'll wrap up with Hank's thoughts about what's going to change for him when he turns the big 3-0. And we're brought to you.
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Boy!

Boy! done no place to hang out or wash in and then i can't blame all on the sun oh no we're gonna rock down to electric avenue and then we'll take it higher oh we're gonna rock down to it's part of my take presented by martial sports Welcome to part of my Take presented by Marshall Sports. Avalanche are Stanley Cup champions.
Big one for the South. Yeah, the Cup goes back to the South.
Big weekend overall for the South. Yeah.
Ole Miss baseball wins. Colorado Avalanche win.
Roe v. Wade overturned.
All dubs. Huge one.
You threw that one in there. All dubs.
Listen, I don't care who you root for in the NHL. Oh, I thought that was going to be, I don't care who you root for, but Roe v root for yeah I'm about to both sides of the issue real quick no back to hockey yes um where we were I was I was gonna say like no matter who you root for it's a great ceremony like seeing the person lift the cup for the first time the team captain or like a long-time veteran on that team finally get their Stanley Cup it's awesome that's like a top three sports moment it's the The lifting of the cup, the passing it around as they do it, you know, depending, you know, like the oldest guy usually goes first, then they pass it to the guy who hasn't had a chance and the captain and all the stories.
Also, shout out the keeper of the cup and the vice keeper of the cup. Those guys are like trapped in 1980.
Their their hair was incredible just flowing i actually wonder we should interview the vice keeper of the cup because that is his backup so he basically the keeper of the cup who's been doing it forever probably the coolest job ever uh goes around with the cup chaperones around with the cup even when the players get it for a day he's there but i do know that the vice keeper of the cup the backup guy i think he gets like days like three through five of the celebration when it's like you know just a few guys and they're all just blacked out and it's not as fun so that guy's that like and you know the cup has the cup has a curfew yeah no yeah the cup goes to sleep at, I think it's 11 o'clock or midnight,

when they bring it back to Colorado, they'll be partying,

and then they'll be like, all right, cup's got to go to sleep,

got to bring it home.

They pack it up.

They've got that special case that they lock it up in.

I remember when Ovi won the cup,

and he was taking pictures of it in bed with his wife.

You have to think the keeper of the cup was there

with his little white gloves. He was taking the pictures.
Yeah yeah that guy's got to have an ironclad nda oh yeah the shit the stories that he could tell i would buy a book actually by that guy now that i'm thinking about it like coolest job but kind of a shitty job at points because you basically have to be around the drunkest people ever with a big super expensive uh piece of hardware and hope it doesn't break. Yeah, and...
That would be all-time anxiety. Yeah, it's a tough job.
Maybe not anxiety, but just like it would get annoying after a while. I think just hanging out with drunk people all the time.
Yeah. But yeah, it's the greatest tradition in sports.
The Stanley Cup, the pass around, the kisses. Everyone kisses that cup.
They're all sharing diseases by the end of the night. The guys with the white gloves, though, you can do anything with white gloves on, and it's like the classiest fucking thing ever.
If you ate a sandwich with Mike Greenberg, and he is a classy man. Yes, and the Avalanche, incredible team, like an absolute wagon of a team.
I looked at it. So they didn't win the President's Cup.
They finished second in points to the Florida Panthers by three, but they did have the most points in the Western Conference. They went 16-4 in the playoffs.
They had a four-game sweep, four to two against the Blues, four-game sweep of the Oilers, four to two against the Lightning. If you combine it all and you take out overtime losses in the regular season, they won a 78% clip, which is insane.
It's pretty good. That is just an awesome, awesome hockey team that deserves to win the Cup.
They're just super likable, too. Oh, yeah.
Their team's awesome. Kadri, after the game, he said, everyone who thought I was a liability in the playoffs, you can kiss my ass.
Love it. Love it.
That's just hockey talk. Yeah, love it.
I think that you're completely allowed to swear if it's the Stanley Cup ceremony on TV. They just forget about the FCC.
Yes. As it should be.
Yes. But, yeah, they're super likable.
McKinnon was awesome. Awesome drop.
Dale McCarr wins the Conn Smith, who we talked to Whitney about it. Like, he has a chance to be one of the greatest defensemen ever in terms of where he's at his career right now in the talent level yeah he was just a beast like the times where he would just he would i feel like there was multiple times where i was watching and he would have like minute 45 two minutes then he'd be sitting on the bench and just like squirt of water not even hunched over still ready to go just like he those type of guys those type of athletes they're like secretariat like i wouldn't be shocked if his heart's like double the size of everyone else's yeah did you see the uh the stanley cup also has a fire twitter account yeah they put out a pretty good tweet they said turn the lights off carry me home a little nod to the all the small things fans damn yeah that's great and uh the uh worst award goes to cory perry who's now lost three straight cup finals so he was on the canadiens he was on the stars and then he joined tried to join the super team of the lightning going ring chasing even though he has one and uh came up short again i that's brutal i mean mean, the fact that he has one makes it not that hard.
It's different. If he did not have a cup and it was the end of his career and he went 0-3 with three different teams, that's so fucking hard to do.
Actually, the hardest one they had was last year, getting to the cup with the Canadiens. That's like the most unlikely loss that he had in the Stanley Cup final.
Yes. Are we going to do the Tampa Bay Lightning frauds talk? Are they a fraudulent dynasty? Kind of.
Kind of fraudulent dynasty. Kind of.
Mickey Mouse. Mickey Mouse.
Mickey Mouse. Two's not a dynasty.
They're not even a dynasty. Two isn't a dynasty.
That's a fact. Yeah.
But if they win next year, dynasty, perhaps. Yeah.
But then we'll debate the Mickey Mouse. It's hot in the streets.
What's a dynasty?'s a fact yeah but if they win next year dynasty perhaps yeah but then we'll talk is hot in the streets what's a dynasty three three and three and five years i agree three and five seems right to me yeah i agree that the blackhawks were a dynasty facts um yeah the avalanche though they're fucking awesome yeah i don't i like that was as impressive of a run as you can have because it was just, it was just never, like, they just never really sweat. They never got to a game seven, and they just trucked half the competition.
And Stan Kroenke, some people are saying, wins a Lombardi, wins a cup within six months of each other. Is he the best owner in sports? Stop the league arsenal fans i actually was trying to troll troops our friend troops but arsenal fans are feeling high and mighty right now because i guess he's spending some money in the transfer window oh so so they just they're like yeah he's fine he is good yeah so maybe got a taste of winning and he was like i just want to i want to keep winning which that i never understand any owner that doesn't like i love an the idea of an owner winning one and being like oh this is fun i should try to do this again yeah like what were you doing before it takes that moment for them to be like oh shit yeah yeah that was kind of cool it's better to win than it is to lose yes they always say about stan crookie like a great owner, even better person, though.

Yeah.

Even humanitarian.

And the best mustache.

A great mustache.

A supervillain mustache for the ages.

And great hairpiece.

Yep.

Just all around all sort of a gentleman.

Rich enough that no one will say to his face, hey, that hairpiece is disgusting.

Which is really all you need to do as a super rich owner is you just got to get to a point

where no one would ever dare say to your face, hey, that hairpiece sucks davis yeah exactly that's not a hairpiece no that's that's all natural they would never sell that mark davis is in the zone where no one's like hey dude your haircut sucks yeah to his face it'll be nice to get there one day hopefully everyone says it behind their back yeah but like would you care if you're a billionaire that no it really is like can you get to a point where literally no one ever says anything mean to you to your face? It's also just an obscene level of wealth if you own three major professional sports teams. I think he owns the Nuggets too, doesn't he? So he's got four.
I'm pretty sure he does. He's got a piece of the pie with Nuggets.
That's got to be awesome. Oh, man.
Like the sports calendar is just – you have a sport that you own, a team that you own, like, all year round. All the time.
That's pretty sweet. But he is the owner of – okay.
Oh, my God. He's the owner of the Los Angeles Rams, Arsenal, the Denver Nuggets, the Colorado Avalanche, the Colorado Rapids, the Colorado Mammoth.

What even are these things?

Los Angeles Gladiators, Los Angeles Gorillas.

I think we've gotten into eSports.

Screaming Eagle Winery and Vineyards and Wagoneer Ranch.

Screaming Eagle is like the best American wine.

Yeah.

Damn.

That guy just owns Sheesh. That's crazy.
That's a wild, like his life is perfect. It's kind of fucked up they have it as owner of the Denver Nuggets because we know that's governor.
It's governor. It should be governor.
That's fucked up. But yeah, Avalanche.
I do want to give a big middle finger to the sports calendar though because my internal biological clock is all kinds of screwed up. There should be more NBA games after the Stanley Cup's over.
It makes no sense to me. It really is like a sad feeling to be like, there goes the last meaningful sporting event for a couple months.
I watch baseball, but you can't have the same feelings about regular season baseball as you do of any playoff. Oh, the Livetour.
The Livetour is back in action. The Livetour is going to be electric.
In Oregon this week. By the way, did you see our guy Brandless Chambly got caught with his hand in the cookie jar? What did he say? He was lying about...
It was something about Charles Schwartzel basically not getting paid for winning that tournament. Essentially, he was saying that all their money was up front and it counts like their winnings when they win an actual tournament counts against their guaranteed money.
And then I forget his name. Can you look it up? Jake, the caddy who does stuff on ESPN.
Very funny guy. Oh, yeah.
That guy's awesome. He was like, yeah, this is just not true.
And then he just roasted brandlessless and was like why don't you get why don't you go to why don't you walk the course during tournaments yeah michael collins get your facts straight he was like he was basically blasting him being like everyone hates you you're a coward that's a good idea though like if anybody out there from saudi arabia is listening i know we got a big demographic over there but we should they should do the thing where they like everybody up front and then they're just indebted. They're indentured servants to the Saudis for the rest of the...
And they have to win their way off the tour. Yes.
That would be awesome. Yes.
That's what he made it seem like. Or they could just not pay them and be like, hey, Charles Schwartzel, you have to go ask for your money.
You have to send your thugs over to get your money out of MBS's pockets.

You've got to go do an interview for your money.

Yeah, you have to get that out.

Meet us at the embassy.

Yeah, bring your favorite journalist.

Let's see if you can do it.

But yeah, Avalanche fans, congratulations.

Today is the day.

I mean, there's also the fact that it's happening right rolling into July 4th.

I'd imagine the parade is going to be, what, Tuesday or Wednesday?

I said Thursday. Thursday.
Oh, that's even better. Yeah.
So you just don't go into work. Do your last week on when last work of the week on Wednesday and then just roll for like a week and a half.
Just just maybe having fun and just drinking where the cup could possibly be. Maybe just duck out of work early on Wednesday.
Get a head start on Thursday. Get all you got to go to the grocery store get all your provisions for the parade then go to the parade thursday take off work friday then you have monday off anyways that's that's actually great they did it thursday because parades like early in the week suck yeah i agree so good job parades are the worst yeah probably another masterstroke by stan crocky guy just keeps winning oh we also got a backup commissioner tonight, too.
It's the summer of backup commissioners. I know, because I love booing Gary Bettman.
We had Gary Bettman stand in. And it's crazy listening to him talk, because you forget what an impersonable piece of shit Gary Bettman is.
Oh, yeah. All commissioners are kind of cut from the same cloth.
Their job is to be just their wallpaper is essentially what they want in terms of of your personality and then they have a guy that noticeably likes hockey that's out there presenting the cup and it's everything up it fucks everything up it's like wait you're not supposed to have a personality yeah you're supposed to just like stand there get booed and then let the guy take the cup yeah yeah and we didn't we got robbed of our booing last thing about Cup playoffs, over-under two and a half cups for this core of the avalanche. Got to do it.
Got to do it. We got to do this.
And if you take the under, it means that they're going to be disappointed. Yeah.
It's going to be disappointment if they don't turn into their own dynasty. I'm going to say over.
They've been knocking on the door for a while now. They got a crazy good young team.
I think they're getting exactly two stanley cups okay two two on the nose um also hank said that nathan mckinnon's legacy took a hit because he didn't win the con smith you stand by that people are asking yeah you see the steph it was the nhl it was a very it was a very good like natural legacy comment right as the cup was being raised he's like hey wait a second for real puck boys Well, for real puck boys like Hank that know, like Hank watches puck every night during the winter. Every night.
And so he knows that, like, that was Nathan. The big question was, like, can Nathan McKinnon get the Conn Smythe Award? And the answer's no.
Resounding no. Did he choke? Hard, hard no.
Do you think, like, if you were to inject him with truth serum, would he be like, I kind of wish that we lost? Yeah, they choked game five. I don't know if this season's a success for him.
They choked game five, not winning it at home. Robbed him.
I really wanted a game seven. Because the other story, the other ring that we handed out today, Ole Miss baseball, who was, I think I saw the stat, they were at 1.7 and 14 in SEC play, barely got in tournament and essentially our colleague ben mince willed them to victory with a little help from chris castellini uh incredible run by them and i was like i first of all i was pissed that they had that game at three o'clock in the afternoon like i don't know why they're they're crowning a champion at three o'clock in the afternoon and And then I just wanted one more.
I wanted either a Game 7 Stanley Cup or a Monday night winner-take-all college baseball national championship. We got robbed of both boys.
I wanted the Monday night just because I wanted a full day of solo shine on college baseball. I never even knew that it existed until Ben Mintz told me about it.
Correct. He's growing the game one person at a time.
In fact, I've heard that if you see Ben Mintz around,

he's going to probably go on his own Stanley Cup tour.

We actually should hire a keeper of the cup for Ben Mintz.

Like just a full-time watcher that follows him around with the gloves.

Make sure everyone's keeping him open.

A keeper of Ben Mintz.

A keeper of the Mintz.

If you see him, give him a big wet kiss on the cheek.

He loves that.

And say, PMT sent me. PMT sent me here.
This one's from Big Cat. Yes.
And put two fat lips right on his cheek. a big wet kiss on the cheek.
He loves that. And say, PMT sent me.

PMT sent me here.

This one's from Big Cat.

Yes.

And put two fat lips right on his cheek.

That one should be on the lips.

Yeah.

I went to Pride Parade today.

I noticed you guys weren't allies being there.

Oh, my friend died.

Sorry, I was at a funeral.

Okay, well, I knew you had an excuse.

Hank, what's your excuse?

You don't want to get too close to employees you're probably going to fire because they're gay?

I was just feeling really proud on the golf course.

Oh, golf.

Would you shoot?

It's not important.

Nice.

So you went to a country club that is notorious for keeping out.

No, it was a Mooney.

Oh.

Everyone's welcome.

Did you at least play the back nine?

Yeah.

How bad did you shoot?

Not good.

Tell us.

Tell us the number.

105.

105? That's pretty good. That's okay.
For a 13's okay for a 13 year old yeah no that's not bad tiger did that when he was five yeah it was bad what do you want me to say well at least you're getting better i'm trying to at least you're getting exercise yeah exactly that's a good walk yeah good solid walk but yeah congrats to ole first, I think, NCAA-recognized team sport national championship for Ole Miss. That's crazy.
And they also did it a year after Mississippi State. And I know that our friend Brandon Walker will think I'm trolling with this, but I told him this exact statement a week ago.
I think that if your bitter rival wins a championship the year after you do, it almost erases your championship. Oh, completely.
Because you have zero time to gloat over it. None.
None. It's over.
It never happened. It never happened.
Especially the way that it happened. That was Mississippi State's first national championship in a team sport.
Correct. And then Ole Miss gets theirs.
I think now it's just Virginia Tech that's left without a title. That's crazy.
Yeah. I've got a dumb question about Ole Miss, though, and I'm sure that everybody will tell me exactly the reason behind it.
Why isn't it Ole Miss? Why is it Ole Miss? I don't know. Why is it E? Just what they got? Yeah.
Sounds cooler. Ole Miss would be weird.
It would be very weird. Ole Miss, Ole Miss.
It's good Ole Miss. Not good Ole Miss.
They well, like all throughout the college world. They're the hottest team in baseball.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
But then now you've got all the people being like, well, they shouldn't have been in it to begin with. Silence them right up.
Can't do that. Can't do it anymore.
Can't do that. They won the whole thing.
I'm so sorry. I have to go to the bathroom.
Oh, my God. What? What did you eat? I had chicken and rice, but I guess the chicken.
it a you problem now? It was always a me problem Alright We'll call you for your Who's back Jake's got IBS guys Unreal He's got Crohn's maybe Billy Oh no I can't say his name Nope Swear jar Billy jar Alright I'm gonna look up I'm gonna look up What Jake might have Who's back of the week Is brought to you by our friends at Skrill. Skrill is the best digital wallet for gamblers because it was built for gamblers.
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Hank, who's back of the week?

My who's back of the week is throwback jerseys.

Okay.

So obviously with the NHL season coming to an end, college baseball coming to an end, no more NBA.

It is now kind of that like get ready for football time.

And I saw the Patriots.

Are you saying football's back?

Thank you. It is now kind of that, like, get ready for football time.
And I saw the Patriots. Are you saying football's back? I saw the Patriots.
I think you just said the first football's back. I saw the Patriots put out that they're going to come and wear their red throwback jerseys this year.
And that was the first time. I was like, I think football's back.
I can't wait. There we go.
That's a record new time for us. You say the words.
I didn't say that. You said people are getting we're getting ready for football now.
Football is back. There's football back.
Thank you, Hank. We're getting ready.
We're getting prepared for it to be back. The Patriots are wearing their red jerseys this year? Yeah.
Are they going to have Pat the Patriot on the helmets? Because you can now do two different helmets, right? It changes everything. I like that.
I think the Eagles are doing Kelly Green, which is like, they should always do that. My other who's back was NIL deals because four-star QB got $10 million from Miami.
Yep, pretty good. He turned down, I think, 11 mil from Florida, and he went with 9.5 from Miami.
I think I might be outgunned with my let's make some sick t-shirt pitch to a bunch of high school kids that I slide in their DMs. I'm going to have to refigure this one.
Yeah, so I think you have to shoot lower. You just have to go for two-star recruits.
Yeah, maybe bench on tank tops. He obviously signs.
He's going to make more than that too, right? Yeah, I don't know because he's also just insanely rich because of the Manning family, right? Yeah, he's going to make money for sure in Austin. There's no doubt about that.
But I could also see Arch Manning being like, because they have so much money, being like, no, we're still college athletes. We're not taking any money.
I don't know. I feel like that was a pretty big deciding point for him.
Yeah, it probably was. But it is interesting having a guy being that rich also walk into that type of money.
So good for Arch Manning. Good for this kid in Miami.
Four star too, right? Not even five. Damn.
I think he was like number 30 overall in his class. Going great for five stars.
That's crazy. That's so nuts.
Well, Tennessee gave that one kid like six milli. I realize now how bad this is going to be for the kids if they suck.
Oh, yeah. Like, they're going to get roasted.
Because there's always been the, ah, they're just kids. But if a five-star is getting $9.5 million and he stinks, people are going to fucking crucify.
That's what Arch has in his Twitter bio. Just says high school athlete.
So he might just do that. Just a kid.
Might just play for the love of sport. I'm just a kid.
Yeah. All right.
Who's your who's back, PFT? My who's back is quitting. Oh.
Quitting's back. Specifically, Jason Kokrak.
Is that how you say his name? The golfer? Oh. So he.
Oh, yeah. I saw this.
This was awesome. You remember Vontae Davis, the guy in the Bills that quit at halftime? Yes.
So after his second round this weekend, he hit his second shot on the last hole, 44 yards over the green into spectators that were on the road and then he uh just like finished up the hole and didn't even submit a scorecard just got his car left and left to join the live tour love it yep that's a great way to do it it's awesome because then you don't have to talk to anyone yeah yeah my other who's back is cigarettes because jewels are getting out loud oh thoughts and prayers to bubba on that one it's gonna be tough listen if you need any advice i kicked it i kicked it cold turkey back in summer cigs now summer cigs analog cigarettes are back jake's back jake um quick question for you uh are you using again no i i don't know how there? We're good. It was a pretty quick one.
A number of diseases and conditions can cause diarrhea, including viruses such as COVID-19, bacteria and parasites, lactose intolerance, and digestive disorders like IBS, ulcerative colitis, celiac disease. Are you gluten? Do you want to gluten? Do you think your mom's going to text you after this segment? Of course.
And just be like, what's going on, honey? No, because this has been my thing my whole life. But the fact that it's on this show, why couldn't my body have done this an hour ago? Right, right.
It's just synced up to the show. Yeah.
And we're doing a super fast show, too. Does that make it tough, like in the bedroom when you've got all these butthole issues? Well, he eats butt.
He doesn't get his butt eaten. Well, no.
Is that true? I don't know. Yeah.
Oh, there it is. Okay, good.
Did you find out the Ole Miss thing? Ole Miss was a term, well, slaves used to refer to the wife of a plantation owner. Oh, yeah.
Oh, okay. All right.
So that's just reading. You shouldn't ask that question.
You don't want to dig around too deep for questions. You don't want to know the answer to.
All right. My who's back is wild things.
Crazy wild. Bonk.
What? You know the movie. You thought of that.
All-time scene. That's a bonk on you, buddy.
All-time scene. That's a bonk on you not me wild uh russell wilson threw the first ever football at as monaco's practice field it was wild he did a whole instagram video

and he's like check this out guys no one's ever thrown a football on this field and then he threw

it he broke the seal on it was fucking nuts did people go crazy i mean i it was a where were you

moment like how the ball is like differently shaped from any ball that they've seen before

I was sitting on my couch while i was watching and i was like wow it was it was like watching uh you know them land on moon on the moon which was actually just a soundstage while i'm gonna try to yeah stanley kubrick directed here we go i guess that's true though isn? Watch. I don't want to show them a football that I know, and it's the first pass, football pass ever, here at AS Monaco practice facility.
Come with me. Come check it out.
And then he threw the ball. That's crazy.
Was it a good spiral, at least? It was pretty good. Let's go.
Let's go. Let's go.
First ever. No, that's done.
First ever. Listen, I'm surprised they didn't burn them at the stake for being a witch.
Crazy. When they saw that football.
Because it's football. They say football over there.
But it's a different football. Right.
And it's shaped differently. So there's been a lot of football passes, but never a football pass.
Wow. Crazy.
Grow the game. And then my other who's back is Mark Appel, which is actually a really cool story.
Former number one pick in the MLB draft. I always know him as the guy that let the Cubs get Chris Bryant because Chris Bryant went the pick after.
But he's talked openly about his struggles getting, you know, mentally getting through injuries and all these things. Everyone called him the biggest bust ever.
He finally got called up to the Phillies over the weekend. Very cool story.
One of those, like, yeah, sports are, like, sometimes things work out for good guys who are just grinding. Yeah, he's a pitcher, right? Yes.
And so he had, I think he had Tommy John surgery. And then he had shoulder surgery, too.
That's got to be so frustrating for a pitcher. I'm surprised that more players don't just, like, completely drop off the face of the earth after they get Tommy John surgery.
Because it's, like, a year a year and a half worth of rehab so like the moment that you're told you need Tommy John or you need a shoulder surgery you have to just accept the fact that you're not going to throw a baseball for like nine months I think it was more I think I saw a tweet where he was like I when I got my when my shoulder uh got fucked up I I couldn't play for 30 months yeah crazy yeah that's got to really fuck with you as a yes so for him good for him and also the uh brawl between the mariners and the angels was awesome yep there should be more brawls it's usually like right around this time of year there's another brawl yeah come on more brawls i love the second wave when it's the bullpen that runs out and it's like two minutes after the fight's already started and usually been like broken up then you get the bullpen guys coming in for the second round of pushes. But there were actually some punches thrown in this one.
Yeah, there were. Which was nice to see.
And the Angels continue to be the weirdest team ever because I think Mike Trout and Shohei Otani probably are one, two in terms of most electric guys to watch, and no one watches them. No one ever watches them.
It's crazy. It is crazy.
Shohei Otani hit a home run the other night that was like jaw dropping and no one saw it. So we were talking about the sports biological clock that your body has earlier.
This to me, this is the exact right week to get a brawl in baseball. I just know a brawl is coming.
The other thing that I know is coming this week is going to be an NFL news dump. That always happens.
Ja'Shawn Watson suspended for infinity. For a year, but also indefinitely.
They're going to drop that one on us on Friday. Yep, right before 4th of July, and the Browns are going to look.
And then Baker. Baker might be going to Seattle.
I would love to see Baker. I want to see Baker have to play for the Browns this year.
I don't think he will. I don't think he has a choice.
I don't know. He's just not going to play football? Yeah, maybe.
No. He would come off looking very soft if that happened.
Yeah, and he wouldn't get paid. If he was like, I refuse to play football for you because you were mean to me.
Yeah, no chance. He'll play, and it will be very awkward.
And I hope he's good. I hope he lights it up, and then everyone has to be like, shit, we signed Deshaun Watson.
Yeah, so what if this happens? What if Baker like, to the second, third round of the playoffs this year? And then Deshaun. Well, if he gets them to the third round, that's, yeah.
I mean, the AFC championship would be insane. Yeah, then Deshaun comes back next year, and Baker just lit it up.
They're paying Deshaun $200 million. But Baker, what if he had, like, a Pro Bowl season? Something to look forward to.
Football's back. Do you see the pizza delivery portion portion of that brawl someone delivered a pizza to the Mariners locker room for Jesse Winker and he got the pizza and DM the girl thank you really that's awesome that is great that's great that's also the most like Mariners story ever yeah yeah because he got kicked out all right who's your who's back Jake um I don't know if I missed anything so I apologize for doubling yeah the water dogs are back yeah they won their first game of 2022 they smoked the defending champion chaos in Baltimore over the weekend so congrats to them great good job woke congrats on doing your job they have to give us a win eventually one and three they have to give us a win eventually so like of course, of course, why not be, like, against the defending champs?

Yeah.

A little too convenient, right?

I was this close to offering my portion of the Water Dogs up to Stan Kroenke.

Because at least he would get shit done.

Yeah.

He would win.

Winners win.

I've said that if the Water Dogs get above $500, I'll issue a formal apology.

Above $500.

Not $500. Above $500.
They've never lost with me in attendance has do they is that true yeah i don't know whether i want you to go or not go no all right i'm wrong last year i went to long island oh damn um they won't you did a great job on your call thank you thank you guys uh for all i also want to say a special shout out because my favorite thing to watch it when jake is calling a game there's times where he i think he knows that we're watching and he's very like particular do you know what i'm referring to maybe your co-host quinn kestnich yeah was like man this game's crazy we thought there'd be 40 goals bet the over. He's like, we thought there'd be 40 goals with the way the first quarter went.
And you were like, well, hopefully there still will be. We're rooting for the over.
And I was like, that a boy, Jake. Also, they put the lines right above the scoreboard.
I'm like, you're free to talk about it. That's the future.
There's no more tidbits. Jake Marsh is the future.
Wait, we had Jake Marsh calling the sport of the future while there was lines? lines's the future like right no whoa no more that is it whoa jake marsh is the future wait we had jake marsh calling the sport of the future while there was lines lines of the future we're just in the future at what point do we say we're in the future that was nice it was wild it was nice yeah the future's nice like the broadcasters don't really need to tiptoe around it anymore no it's out there but i appreciate it because i know that in the back of your head you're like i know big know Big Cat has the over because he tweeted me and said that I'd be very upset. And it was a good start to that game too.
Yeah, not a great finish. And then Archers didn't score in the second quarter.
You looked extremely tall on television. Thank you.
I think the camera added like seven inches to you, Jake. Yeah, it did look pretty tall.
You were towering. Yeah, you're a beast.
My favorite thing that Jake told me, like a little behind-the nugget, is they give you cue cards in case you know, to cover virtually any circumstance that happens during a game. And one of the cue cards was for a TV announcer apology.
Where if Jake had said something bad on the air, they had like a form ready to go where he was like, earlier in this broadcast, I said X, Y, Z. And I like to apologize for that.
Oh, man. They were prepared for Jake to drop something bad.
That's great. I love that.
You should frame that at the end of your career and be like, never had to use it. Yeah.
Knock on wood. No, I'm not knocking on wood.
I hope you have to use it. Are you kidding me? I want you to use it so bad.
Memes wants you to use it bad so you'd have a new template ready to go. I also want some really famous person to

die during a PLL

game so you have to announce it.

Your John Lennon moment? How does that work?

So in terms of sports

hierarchies, if you're announcing

a double A game or

a single A game or a Savannah

Bananas game

and what if the president

dies? The president gets assassinated and Jake has to cut away from the archers and cannon. Yeah.
God, oh, man. Now I'll knock up wood.
That would be incredible. That would be so great.
That would be so fucking great. Yeah, maybe more to come later this season.
We'll see. Yes.
Okay. Yeah.
All right. Do it.
Great job, though, Jake. Do it.
Thank you, guys. I appreciate it.
Every time I see Jake on TV, I do get a feeling, of like a proud dad. Big time.
Big time. All right.
Let's get to Ryan Whitney and Paul Bissonette. Great interview with them.
We also do the Mount Rushmore of Things That Change after you turn 30. Very funny.
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What am I supposed to do? It is Ryan Whitney and Paul Bissonette in studio. It's been a while since we had both you guys on at the same time.
The old office. Yeah, the old office.
Two on two, no back checkers. Two on two, no back checkers.
I don't know if you guys probably didn't hear. You guys didn't hear our- You our criminally horny like i get a lot of shit for being horny and i'm not you are actually you should be locked up well actually i'm less horny now that i'm over 30.
yeah oh okay so that's a preview we're gonna do the mount rushmore of things that uh we're gonna make it broad so it's things that change after you turn 30 so it can be things that you suck at as well your dick size uh yeah yeah but yeah. But let's chop it up.
Or your belly size, so your dick you just can't see. That's two.
Optical illusion. That's two.
If you don't use it. You lose it.
You lose it. We actually were talking about, how about this for a horse name? Leather Cheerio.
Oh, that's a good. Okay, all right.
Can you imagine Leather Cheerio winning the Kentucky Derby? Leather Cheerio? Where did this come from? Am I missing something? He's one of my buddies from Wellen, Ontario, the way he described a stripper's asshole when he went to the sundowner back in the day when he was lighting loonies and toonies up, getting them hot. It'd be great if Leather Cheerio was like a brown horse that was really good in the mud, too..
Disgusting looking horse. So we're taping this.

The jockey was a stripper.

Instead of continually ripping off your goggles,

he's ripping off the domers.

It was that girl Mercedes driving the horse.

Yeah, his little horseshoes are just big condoms, magnums.

Yeah, I just, oh, I don't use those.

Leather Cheerio.

I double bag those ones.

You're not supposed to do that. What, double bag? It's friction, dude.
You ever learn that? Don't tell me how to fuck my wife. Oh, congrats.
Congrats on the marriage. Yeah, congrats.
Sounds like- And the sex. And the sex.
All right, so we're taping this on Wednesday. So there's Stanley Cup, and we're going to run it on Monday.
So Stanley Cup has happened. What? I just saw you.
We're changing. We're doing the different format.
Oh, my God. Talk about not being able to think on his feet, dude.
A half hour ago. It's all-encompassing.
So whenever you already have counts. No, this guy's just doing teams.
We're not doing teams. Oh, my God.
Hank, we just talked about being quick-witted and being able to think on your feet. You're proving you can't do either.
No, I'm ready. Big Cat's just, I don't know.

He's just muddy in the waters.

No, he said it's the same thing.

I think it's all gone to his head since he's been sitting courtside.

Yeah, no shit, dude.

He's got splinters in his toes.

Stop thinking you're so big-time and just adjust.

Everything you picked can still work.

All right.

But I was going to say, so we're taping on Wednesday.

We're going to run it on Monday.

So Stanley Cup final, do you guys want to give a prediction that's going to be wildly wrong by the time we get to Monday? What will that be? Tampa's coming back and winning this thing. Oh, I like that.
But I've been on Tampa for the past two years. I picked them to win the last two cups, and I picked them again this year because I won't pick them until they lose.
So I'm not going to go against my feelings now because Game 3, which just happened, it went exactly as I thought it would.

Yeah.

So if Kucherov's hurt, now granted this before game four,

I know this is going Monday.

If Kucherov's hurt, we could be in trouble.

But I think that now Vasilevsky's figured it out.

Every series, Tampa just gets better and better.

Biz, have you noticed now that you're a big-time fucking TV star on TNT?

Yeah, you are.

Yeah, you are.

You mean, you want any shout-outs real quick?

Oh, yeah. He thanked the whole – he thanked Turner Broadcasting Company.
Yeah, he doesn't even remember, though. No, I thanked everybody because they were so kind in being able to mix in the Chicklets and Barstool brand with a major network.
And I mean, hey, maybe you're just a little jealous because ESPN pigeon-tossed you guys. Oh! Yeah, you two got absolutely pigeon-tossed.
You guys got pigeon-tossed. You want to know why? You guys couldn't do what Biz does.
You want to know why? They gave you the sock. You're hired sock.
Because we need to go on other shows and be like, hey, I'd like to take the next 30 minutes to thank a company. Yeah, you should.
Hey, thanks to ESPN. We just want to say ESPN, you're great.
You should have gone on. Mickey Mouse, pound me in my ass and call me straight away.
I fucking love you. Things that suck after 30, giving double barrel wristers to every company I work for.
Biz was thanking the people who cleaned his room at the Four Seasons in Atlanta. I was getting shisterkened off stage there.
They started playing the wrap that shit up. Wrap that.
Who was it? I think it was Tyler, the creator, when he was at the Grammys. They were like, wrap that shit up.
Get the fuck off the stage up get the fuck off what I was gonna ask though like are you watching the games now with like a professional mind because I feel like you're walking around giving like like hey who do you think's gonna win the series and you get into biz tv mode and you start breaking it down it's like dude I just asked like if I asked Whitney that he'll just be like yeah I think the lightning well he just talked for a minute I would say that I'd say that it's to come down to pivotal game four. Winner of that game.
I mean, that's basically a game five. What do you mean? We said pivotal means game five.
Yeah. These guys are trying to mess you up.
It's a pivotal game four. Don't fucking listen to them.
If Tampa ties it at home in game four. Yeah, that's basically a game five.
I think that Tampa has a good chance of coming back in the series. Game four, if they lose it, it's over.
No way that they win three in a row. So if it's 2-2, Tampa has a shot.
Well, you told me to fucking keep it simple and off the glass and out Hal Gill style. You made him spit on himself.
By the way, you could get Biz, you want his take on the series and then he'll give it to you and then you say, alright, now smoke biz and then he'll be like, oh, bro, yeah, broads in the stands

are unreal

so I'm on Tampa

and Colorado's

in Southern State.

So you can get

two different bizes

depending on when you

catch them during the day.

You get crackhead biz

and then you get normal biz.

If I sit next to R.A.

on the stream,

I become crackhead biz.

Hey, biz is,

biz right on TBS

is like Chappelle

doing his stand-ups

and then biz on Barstool is like crackhead Chappelle from the skits. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Tyrone was biggum. Yeah.
Biz, is there – actually, it's a good question to ask, though. Is there a bigger swing that anybody in media has than sitting next to R.A.
on your podcast and then sitting next to Wayne Gretzky? That's a good question. On TNT.
Yeah. Yeah, and then R.A.
sent Gretzky home from the one time I got to hang out with him because he asked him if Adam Oates was a better passer than him. I'll never get over that.
What did happen? You don't know this? No. Yeah.
Oh, my God. We had a night with Gretzky.
Let me explain. You had a million nights with Gretzky.
They used to drink until freaking 3 in the morning together and tell all these awesome stories. I had it one night after we interviewed him, having drinks, Wayne's telling stories, stuff that he's not going to say on the podcast you know being a little bit more not personal but he's not being recorded right and all of a sudden RA's talking to him for a while and I look and Gretzky just gets up he's like good night guys I was like what the fuck just happened we have videos like what happened all right what'd you say and he's like I asked him if Adam Oates is a better passer than him.
He's got more assists than anybody else who's ever played hockey has. It made Wayne leave.
Wayne goes, nice meeting you. See you later, guys.
There's a lot of stuff you can say about Wayne Gretzky. I always like to say Ovi's a better scorer than Gretzky is, a goal scorer.
Well, not yet. But you can't say there's no chance that anyone could ever be comparable to him when it comes to assists.
But is there, like, can you debate eras? Like, it obviously was more offense when he played, right? Because that's obviously a big NBA debate, NFL debate. Like, you know, any passing record that happens now, you're just like, okay, whatever.
Like, they just passed way more than they did 20 years ago. Yeah, I don't think anybody's going to deny, like, the equipment.
The goaltending has obviously improved. Yeah, they didn't do butterfly, right? Team structure, the way that players handled their bodies in the offseason, whether it was training or how much they were boozing.
But just given how much he was better than his peers at that time, I don't think that we're ever going to see anything like it. I think Lemieux was close.
You're seeing Connor McDavid's basically what? Twice as good as most guys in the NHL. But Wayne was like three times as good.
Maybe four times as good as some guys. I've argued that McDavid's is good.
It's a tough one. I think watching McDavid and what he can do physically compared to everybody else, yes we have never seen anything like that.
But the sheer dominance and the amount of points that somebody can produce and comparable to the better overall competition, it's just going to be very difficult. Wayne was just so much more ahead of his time.
When did they start butterfly technique in goal? Because that's one of those stupid ones in sports where it's like even the last 10 years in the NBA where you're like, oh, yeah, three points counts more as two. You should probably take more of those.
Like, oh yeah, doing butterfly technique probably helps you. I think that's a very strong comparison in the eras.
Goalies were, it used to be get giant defensemen, big power forwards, and the goalies would be 5'6", like a bunch of Darren Pangs. And if you went around.
And he's a great guy. And now the goalies are all Vasilevsky, 6'4".
You want a 6'5 goalie, and you're willing to deal with smaller players. That's completely switched.
That's what I'm saying, though. It's such an obvious thing looking back on it.
We're like, yeah, maybe a taller guy in a net that you're trying to guard is smart. Or a sumo.
You don't even need the height necessarily, but having the long arms and the long legs, that makes a big difference. Like any of these toe saves, like you see a guy like Vazlewski, and you're like, you couldn't have a guy that's my size doing that.
It's just funny seeing it in all sports. Like even you could say NFL, like the tight end position.
It's like, oh, maybe we should have our biggest, strongest guy go and catch balls where no one can guard him. I don't think one thing is emphasized enough, though.
Back then, it was like prison rules. There was a lot more clutching and grabbing.
If you went around a defenseman that was 6'5", who probably worked at the local grocery store or lumber yard in the offseason, he would just come in with a full... He'd just slash your wrist and have it.
He'd take off your wrist. Like, break his wrist.
Boom. Good job.
Yeah. Good defense.
That's how to defend. You could use the guy's arms hanging off.
No suspension. Yeah, you suspend the other guy for being a pussy.
He's like, what's going on? He's got inflatable arms. Yeah, this guy's a China doll.
Look at him. Yeah, yeah.
Outside of a bad bone. Bar salesman, yeah.
They had to, like, take out the can opener. That was the way that defensemen used to play one-on-ones, where as soon as the forward would come down, you'd just put your stick in between his legs, and you'd go whoop, and they would just fall.
That was legal. Dude, you know what they should do? They should have an NHL.
I know the NHL has done a good job of growing the game. They've done a great job.
The outdoor games. What if they just had an old-school rules game? None of the goalies can butterfly of the goalies can butterfly.
No helmets. There's 40 fights.
No glass, just fencing with barbed wire on top. Everyone has to get shit-faced the night before.
How great would that be? Holy fuck. The funny thing is if you go look, so the 0-4 Cup, Tampa beat Calgary.
Then the whole season was canceled with the lockout the following year. Then the NHL came back with completely new rules.
It was actually Biz and I's rookie year. The game completely changed.
If you go watch Game 7 or any part of the Cup Finals of 2004, it's like watching a game from 1950. The guy will dump the puck and skate by a defenseman, and the defenseman just takes him and just pushes him into the wall and holds him there.
Yeah, or like the devil's, like the trap and everything and Sean Avery just standing in front of the goalie. Yeah, Alexander Graham Bells on the glass.
The Sean Avery shit is so funny. That was an ultimate moment because nobody had ever tried doing that before and just one night he decided he was just going to stand in front of the goalie and just kind of like hit him.
There was an immediate rule change the next day. They're like, oh my god, the Avery rule.
Only he could do that. Actually, going back to the Canoper, I think they took that out in that lockout because Brian McCabe used to do it right before that all the time.
I think it was in 2003-2004 was the last year before it? Yep. We had another geography moment with Ben yesterday when I came to the studio.
I want to set it out for him. I was going to say, what other rules should there be for this throwback game? No helmets? No helmets.
This would be hilarious. Goalies wear that.
You're allowed to wear that one, you know, like the Jason face mask. Yes.
The paper mache face mask. Yes, yes.
It would be, I mean, tell me that would be great to tune in. Just like, obviously, player safety would be a big issue, but it would be awesome for one game.
Yeah, any stitches you'd have to get with a rusty needle. You know what they do? Maybe they do.
That would give you hepatitis. Maybe what they do is instead of, so they have the regular All-Star game, and then they just have an All-Star game of every goon on every team, because there's maybe not as many goons anymore, but like guys that get in fights.
What was the most memorable All-Star game that you can think of in the NHL? Yeah, the guy who got John Scott. So let's do that.
And then it doesn't matter because there's a big bunch of tough guys playing slow hockey, but it's hilarious to watch. We joked with Grinnell and you guys about doing something like that where you compete with the NHL all-star game where you ask maybe all these old goons to show up and do a charity game of some sort.
It would be incredible. Well, because a lot of those types of guys have a lot of personality too, so you can get them saying some pretty interesting stuff.
Would you play in it? I would probably try. We should do a broadcast team where we commentate.
I'm in. Jake Marsh right here.
I'll wear the Don Cherry suit, a little throwback. Tell the geography.
Okay, so the geography, it was a minor dust-up. It wasn't like a full-scale biz meltdown.
It wasn't Colorado in the South? It was similar. So we were talking about the end-of-the-season awards that they're giving out, and I was like, do you think Austin Matthews is going to get the MVP? He was like, yeah, I think so, because with Toronto, they've got that East Coast media bias.
And so Toronto, if you know geography, it's west.

Oh, no, no.

He's right.

It's west above.

Thank you.

Are we counting Toronto as East Coast?

You have no idea what you're talking about here.

No, I'm not saying it's not media bias.

I'm saying it's that East Coast media bias.

It's just being – he meant Eastern Conference.

Eastern Time Zone.

He meant Eastern Conference.

No, is it?

Yeah, it is Eastern Time Zone.

I would say that –

I would say if you chop North America and divide it into three pieces. Yeah.
Okay? If you drew lines, what would you call that down from? West, central, east. I think you'd call that time zones.
Yeah, we have three hours behind in L.A., two hours behind in Colorado, eastern time zone here. That's such a hot line, though.
We have the United States split into four, and he's like, no, let's make it three. Three seems better.
So in that case, you'd have the Eastern, and then the Central, and then West. This is mind-boggling stuff.
The term was coined based on the people that aren't staying up enough nights to watch the Western Conference. So they're just seeing Austin Matthews do his thing, and then maybe not as many as McDavid's teams.
That's real. That's absolutely real.
It happens with the Heisman in college football. So shut the fuck up, bitch.
The writers who vote for the Heisman, the majority of them don't watch every USC game at night or Oregon game. That's absolutely real.
So thank you. I agree in the premise that there are a lot of hockey writers from Toronto or at least have spent time.
Dude, they're going to tell you what those guys had for pregame meal. They could tell you the last OnlyFans chick that they crushed.
They know everything about the players. That's how psycho they are about it there.
That's probably why a lot of guys don't want to go play. They're assigned there as free agencies.
You can maybe say that about Canada in general, but when you go to Toronto, there's just just buddy. The fucking whole room's packed.
They're walking all over the logo. There's about 100 media members.
Yeah. Speaking of McDavid, are you guys friendly with him? Do you talk to him? Yeah, yeah.
I talk to him a little bit. What do you say about that little dust up on the street? We don't really like to get into the guy's personal life.
But we do. Oh, okay.
No, I'm just kidding. We don't even have at it.
We don't even have at it. It could have been an old video.
Yeah, it could have been an old video. No, I don't.
Guys, we don't really like to get into the guy's personal life we do just oh okay well i'm just kidding we don't have at it we don't we're gonna sit an old video yeah it could have been an old video i don't guys i honestly didn't look into it much other than the fact that i saw it once and then we were like well we're not talking about it how about shivery shivery isn't dead he's helping a young lady walk down the street after a night at the bar that's where i'm nice there was a puddle yeah and it was in the middle of the street that's dangerous it was a puddle just trying to get her to the car exactly exactly i haven't seen the video i mean you're such a you're such a loser if you're if you're you're a loser that video on the big time loser move it's just like huge loser i don't know but that speaks to you know it wasn't in toronto so i have no idea where it was or the hockey it was yeah it was probably years people people people in media always bitch especially in hockey oh there's not enough personality there's not enough personality there's plenty of personality they just take advantage of it and shit like that is why guys are they close ranks they just fucking close it all off the minute they get to the rink it's like a sonar system like they're not they're not saying a fucking word you get them as far away from the rink as possible and then then they start to loosen up and like did you guys ever get burned like because i i actually agree with you like when you talk to athletes you can tell like you know like a rookie or someone who's like the second year there's there's a little bit of a wide eye like this is awesome and then you know they'll go through a couple years and they'll realize oh you know i can get burned by people people are trying trying to take advantage of me. People are asking me questions.
They're trying to get me. Did you guys ever get burned with something? I never got burned on anything like off the ice or anything, but I do remember when I was in Pittsburgh, and granted I was playing good when I was young and came to the league, so I would give reporters quotes.
I actually enjoyed like, oh, after practice or games, I'd try to be not like the boring type of interview. And then all of a sudden I started sucking and the same guys are like, hey, what's up? Wait, what do you think of the game last night? Those same guys were just carving me.
I was like, oh, I guess it doesn't matter. You're not at all friends with them.
Not that I thought that, but at any point in time that you're not playing good, they don't care that you've been a good quote. still gonna bury you right so i was like all right well fuck especially in edmonton i was like i don't want to talk to any of these guys anymore and that's why but it's their job to talk about how bad i'm playing so it still sucks though if you feel like you know the guy a little and he's like whitney with another minus three pathetic uh game and he lost the he lost the puck in overtime and this guy's lost what is this guy doing it? And that's kind of where it comes into where I think podcasting, a lot of the popularity is you guys do it really well on your show.
I think we do it well on ours. We're not trying to burn anyone.
We're trying to have a good conversation, let them feel comfortable to open up. I got burned.
You got burned? Bad. The B.B.
Jones one? The B.B. Jones.
I've told this. Well, I used to go on KUPD maybe once a month and just shoot the shit.
And I was saying stuff that athletes, especially who were playing, weren't really saying on radio back then. I don't even think the team fucking knew.
But the Coyotes had nine fans. It didn't matter.
It's the Yotes. Yeah, so I don't even know if the team knew what was going on.
They don't even get to put their logo on the ice next year. That's still up for debate.
That's not true. Shut the hell up.
I think we're doing it. This is their locker room next year, your studio.
They're playing at Arizona State if people don't know. It's going to be a good time.
They can't even get the logo on. Spitting Chicklets is getting a box.
We're going to do a bunch of charity work with it. Pink Whitney will be flowing.
The brew that's coming out is going to be flowing. It's going to be awesome.
That's how you know a team's scraping the bottom of the barrel. They're like, fuck it, I guess, yeah.
Let's give them a box because we can't get rid of them. We'll get Biz and Ryan Whitney in here.
Dude, I still work for the fucking team. Oh, for the organization? I do between periods.
I do pregame, postgame. I do ambassador work.
I do charity work with the team. The ambassador work's amazing.
Yeah, what does that mean to be an ambassador for a hockey team? It sounds like a great job. He thought it meant he'd have to do, like, yard work for local fans.
No, I do. I'm actually building out the new stadium.
Oh, nice. By hand.
Yeah. He's the super of the project.
I got to carry the moiter over. I used to do that when I was growing up.
I used to help out with the bricklayer. Yeah, tell the story.
So they, like, wanted to hook me up with this Bibby Jones girl. Oh, I remember this.
Yeah, and so I ended up taking her out on a date. We go back home.
We do our thing. And the next thing you know, the next morning, I'm getting a phone call from KUPD at 8 in the morning being like, Bibby Jones saying that you have a small horn on the radio.
Don Mulaney. Awful in the sack.
He's awful in the sack. I'm like i mean how am i gonna go back myself up most of this is pretty true here so it was a game day against the chicago blackhawk so i couldn't even go on and rebuttal but i thought that given the fact that i was giving these guys my time every every every month they kind of threw me under the bus having her on i got teed up for for failure and uh you know it played out in the valley radio and i think everybody had a good chuckle but i didn't really give a fuck if it would have been in a market like toronto or something then then then i would have been hooped and that is like i might have had i might not have gotten laid for a couple years but but you guys do it well where you you protect the guys that you're friends with and i you know sometimes we'll get criticized for it but it's like dude we're not we're not journalists we're not trying to like bust people up here i want you're like i'm a grower not a shower i was in a pool yeah like whitney's coming in here bashing our friend brooks kepka who is suspended by the way i don't know if you saw that we suspended him from blake of the year i don't i don't know him but he's fucking he seems like a of a dweeb.
He's the definition of a hard-up.

He's the definition of a hard-up. You just wish you were as good at golf?

I'm just following me.

Yeah, you think?

I'd love to be as good as golf.

I'm no shit.

Who wouldn't?

But I never would act the way he does.

What do you mean?

Why wouldn't you want to be as good at golf?

I don't like golf.

I think Brooks, what we like about Brooks is that he seems to dislike golf as much as

most of us dislike golf.

Yes.

But he happens to be really good at it.

And that's such a... I think that's such an act.
It's a funny predicament to be in. I think that's such an act.
I think that's such a... I don't think so at all.
I don't know. That guy just seems a little painful.
I'll say watching around with him, his body language, it's a lot of nonsense. Oh, your body language doctor now? We're the experts on body language.
And what do you think of his body language? I think he's an awesome competitor. Would nice human.
Would you say Kobe had bad body language? No. MJ? Yeah exactly.
Same thing. Winners.
That's you're putting them in the same class as those guys. Look how much he's won.
I don't know how much Witt wants to divulge but yes I have heard that he's maybe changed a little bit since all the success happened. Is it bleached hair? You don't like the bleached hair? That was a tough look.
Yeah, that wasn't the best look. But that's the thing.
We all experiment sometimes. Yeah, you gotta let...
Didn't you just suspend him from your podcast? No, he's suspended from Blake of the Year. Yeah, Blake of the Year.
Pending appeal. Which means he has to...
It's basically just... Some of the listeners don't really understand the move there is to just get him to come on and talk about the red tour.
Let me ask you a serious question. Had you heard anything negative about him from other people on tour? No.
No, not really. They don't talk to anyone on tour.
Oh, well, there you go. No.
The thing about Brooks is he did a very smart thing by having this rivalry with Bryson because everyone hates Bryson. So even the guys that were like Luke Warm.
I think everyone ended up hating Kepka more. Everyone who was lukewarm on Brooks is like, well, he's not Bryson, so we like him.
He was so painful then, and I think it switched. No, there was a moment where he maybe overplayed his hand because Bryson is so incapable of defending himself and not being a dweeb that people started to feel bad for him.
I think they lost him when he lost it on the rep. Was it Puma rep or something? He lost it on the rep about his clubs.
Bryson. And that's where Bryson did.
So that's where, I thought Bryson had actually had the lead there about being a more likable guy, and then that came out, and you're like, oh, my God, this guy's not making it easy on us. They can't get out of their own way.
Yeah, we said that from the beginning to Brooks, like, dude, just let Bryson just be Bryson, and you'll win. Because that's just an easy win.
he you're right he just gets in his own way the one defense I do have though is I wouldn't it's it's easy to say but imagine being that famous and that good at your sport how you would be able to keep it on the rails and manage it and and not maybe in some cases look like a fucking asshole yeah like having the whole valley tell every you know yeah BB Jones It was that bad? Was it that bad? You have a three-inch horn. Biz, was it that bad? Lasted six seconds.
Yeah. It was that bad.
Ass like a sewing machine, though. It wasn't that bad.
It was that bad? No, the performance was fine. She kept getting a phone call from her boyfriend the whole time.
Was she then like, oh. He went into studio, I believe, with him the next day.
Which was so bad. That's awkward.
So she has to be like, oh, I had a bad time. That's what was throwing off my performance.
I'm like, can you put this guy? The boyfriend was in the room watching it all. Yeah.
Made it all a little bit. But that makes sense now.
It was actually a cuck video that never made it on UJiz.com. So still waiting for that to come out.
She wasn't doing a very good job pretending she was stuck. And then that got into my own head.
And I was like, wait, what's going on here? I have one last question before we do our Mount Rushmore. We had Danny Woodhead on.
He got to the like one step away from the US Open. Yeah, he did.
Are you good enough that you could maybe one day get a step away? I'm not saying get to the U.S. Open.
I think I could get through. The locals, you have to go play.
It's one round, right? That's crazy. And then I think a buddy of mine got through last year where I think there was four spots, maybe even five spots to get through locals.
It's one round. If you're one of the five best scores, you go through, and then you go to sectionals, and then you have no chance.
Okay. Then it's sectionals is 36 holes in one day, and that's all the PGA guys who aren't in the open already.
Yeah, he's playing against Duffner. Yeah, so it's like then you have no chance.
But the locals won, especially in maybe a place like Massachusetts where you're not going to get great players, local great players. But if you go out and shoot even par, that day it could be enough to get you through local.
I don't know what Woodhead shot. I think he shot minus one in the locals.
Yeah, so there you go. It gets through minus one.
It's not like you even have to shoot. Then at the sectionals, through 36 holes, you've got to shoot usually six or seven under.
That's too much golf, too. 36 holes in a day, competitively.
Oh, I would love that. Yeah, competitive, that's a grind.
Ball in the hole, that's a grind. That's his wedding anniversary.
Have you ever gone over 36? 36 coals with brunch in between. No, buddy, buddy.
We went to Colorado to fall around the Stanley Cup finals. This is how much this guy loves golf.
Oh. And on his wedding anniversary, Bree came out.
He ends up golfing in the morning. But that's your day, too.
Yeah, and she went to the spa and shopping. That's a hell of a relationship if you then meet up after yes and you have a nice lunch we went to the game it was a wonderful anniversary that's beautiful i respect that she lets me do what i love and i let her do what i love that's love and go get massages but uh another another thing uh you qualify for what the u.s no mass am that's just local massachusetts amateur tournament that's.S.
Open. Shit's way different.
Have you ever played more than 36 holes in a day? Yeah, I've played 55. What the fuck? No, one day we played at Eastward Ho.
It's a business course. Ho.
Eastward Ho in Chatham, Massachusetts. Beautiful course.
We teed off at like 7 a.m., played 54 holes. Then I went to my buddy's wedding.
It was an amazing day. What a beast.
I can't even get 12 holes in. Well, we're in a cart, yeah, and I mean I'm not heavily drinking the entire time like most golfers.
Yeah, it sounds awful. From my understanding in Canada, they're starting to build 12-hole golf courses.
That's perfect. I think 12 to 14 is actually what will probably really grow the game of golf.
Yes, I agree. And night golf.
Night golf par threes where you can just. Yeah, because like a lot of guys can't get away from their families and stuff.
Boom, night golf. Kids go to bed, go at 8.30, play a par three course, two and a half hours, drinks, music.
That's what will grow golf. I'm in for that.
I'm in for that. Because then also you can.
What is it? The light up ball? No, you just need the course to be lit up. So it's like that's kind of the issue, but if you have a shorter course, it's easier.
I hear that things are starting to pop up like that more often, but it's still expensive with the electricity bill. The ADD invitation.
Fizz can build it, though, because that's being an ambassador. We should do a sandbagger with you guys.
Oh, I'd love that. How good are you? So bad.
Yeah, it gets a little bit lost. I Hank lost like a bunch of dough to Elio and Portnall.
I lost six grand to Elio in 14 holes. And he made me pay.
What a scumbag. Of course he did.
Of course he did. It was so bad.
At one point, we were down, I think I was down like seven or eight grand. And I was like, I should just quit right now.
And then we made a little comeback. And I was like, thank God.
But it was, yeah, it was very bad. Can I go take a piss before we start this? I have a very small bladder.
I could do it in a bottle in here if you guys want me to. We should do that, Whit.
That would be a very funny video. I don't know.
Maybe we split up the teams. But, like, we're terrible.
Yeah, we have to do something. Well, Hank's now like a golfer.
Well, yeah, he does. He entertains clients on the course.
He gets out there. He's an executive.
We should have to make idiot Billy football stand on the green. He can't move.
So if we can hit him, that's like an aspect. Five iron, 200 yards.
Now you have golf I'm interested in. Let's just have him lay down.
You can't move. Hopefully he just buries.
Hit him right in the forehead. He's never played so well.
He said he's got liabilities. He's a liabetic? Yeah, he's a liabetic, which is a perfect description for him.
Yeah, he is. He's got a serious problem.
You guys got to fucking figure that out. We did.
We sussied him. I know.
I love that he's sussy. Yeah.
Do you guys have a – who's the Billy football of spitting chiclets? I don't know. I don't know.
Everyone's got one. Yeah.
The best – you know what the best was? Because, you know, Billy is Billy and everyone knows Billy, but when we sussied himussied him He was like Good Now I got time to do all the stuff I wanted to do Do the part of my take Does the part of my take Fan base like or hate Billy They like him A lot of them like him Some people got irritated I feel like I feel like he's hated So It's a split The young kids love him They feel like he's got Well some young kids don't like him Their dream job And so they get mad Because they're like Oh Billy is ruining Correct His shot at the dream job I feel him. They feel like he's got their dream job.
And so they get mad because they're like, oh, Billy is ruining his shot at the dream job. I feel like kids, I feel like people in their, yeah, like very young fans love him.
And then like fans that are around his age, like early 20s, probably hate a little bit that like they don't have that job. And then late 20s like him again.
And then 30s are likes are like this kid is frustrating yeah so he runs the game but i we've said he's added something to the show he's entertaining he just he just needed to get sussied yep yeah he needed a big suss yeah who got sussied billy football oh yeah fuck that's all right we're gonna have him stand on the greens when we play them in golf and just he can't move we should do a wife swap you guys get ra for a month and then we get billy football can we sussy him what do you mean can we say if ra walks the door and like sussied we're addicted to sussing yeah we've said we're on a two game you should get you should you should get the yellow card and the red card yeah you're out of here buddy have you guys watched ra on shorzy i have not seen i've seen the clips i've got teammates huh yeah huh? Yeah, wow. No, no, I've seen...
Buddy, I've fucking...

BFT, if you're on the show, I'll watch it.

How many fucking tweets you want me to send out?

I want them to be from the heart that you actually saw.

I'm curious that you haven't seen them.

What do you think I've done that R.A.'s watched?

Yeah, that's a good point.

You think R.A.'s watching Sandbaggers?

No.

You guys ever seen The Town?

Yeah, well, yeah.

I've seen The Town.

I've seen The Town.

I've seen The Town.

We talk about it every podcast.

It's gotten Shorzy since it happened. It is very funny, though, that the start of the series, it's R.A.
Like at the beginning of it. It's like, here's our introduction to the series.
It's R.A. talking about like, what was the first thing that he says? Like, oh, yeah, that guy's a dirty player.
And it's like, whoa, he's got a voice like a cartoon character. That's what I love about it.
Oh, you can recognize it anywhere. Yeah.
That's it. We're going gonna get back to biz and wit in a second before we do they're brought to you by chevy the most durable reliable vehicle on the road is the chevy silverado that's right it is as strong and dependable as people who drive them i'm gonna be driving a chevy silverado this summer at the beach and chevy silverado is the most modern and most advanced truck out there it's got ton of grit.
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Now back to Biz and Wit. All right, let's do the Mount Rushmore.
Are you ready? Sure. All right, so since Hank is not 30 yet, he wrote a list that he'll give it to us after.
You're not 30? No. Holy shit.
Holy shit. Imagine all this kid's accomplished.
He's still in his 20s. I've said it many times that when Hank turns 30, it's going to be like an existential crisis for me because I've known him since he was 19.
18. 19.
19. Yeah, so I've known him for his entire 20s.
Less than a year. Yeah.
All right, so you guys ready? You want to start, Biz? No, I don't want to start. So it's things that change after you turn 30.
So it could be things you suck at, just life changes, whatever. I actually will start.
I have one that I think you'll really enjoy. So it's going to be a snake draft.
You understand that? Sure. So you explain it to me.
I got a hose too. I should have gone with it.
Explain to me how you think a snake draft went. Why can't I just play my game and you guys – Well, because you have to play your game, but inside the concept of the Mount Rushmore.
Of the snake draft, yeah. So the structure of the draft, how would you think a snake draft went? You're taking what you think would be the top pick in that topic to not allow anybody else to have it and then explain a little bit why it is you made that decision.
Let's say you go first. I have one that's going to floor Big Cat.
You go first and then Ryan's up next. Then me.
Then it's me after Big Cat. Then who goes? Then what goes after me? Things that suck after you know no no but wait wait wait so who goes after pf ryan went big cat went i went now we've all four gone who is that you go first again yes there you go yeah i know how the fuck it works come on guys well you looked at us like you didn't no because i i was i was uh overjoyed with my first answer and how much you'll appreciate let me do this real quick roback question uh you get q zips hoodies polos go to roback.com r-h-o-b-a-c-k dot com use code take for 20 off your first purchase roback.com use code take for 20 off your first purchase what do you hate the most about wit oh he's gonna answer this he answered while you were out.
Yeah. Yeah.
Well, you'll have to listen to what he said. I don't.
I mean, nothing. I feel like maybe sometimes he gets a little bit cranky and whines, but it's kind of funny.
He's a funny whiner. Do you want us to tell you what he said? Sure.
You got small peen. Why would he care about that? You know what he would probably say how much i i asked him to do for work what do you mean like i i try to chisel too much work off of him he's like dude shut he's like i just want to fucking golf yeah yeah yeah right would you say that that's probably my most annoying quality is i'm always asking for us to do more stuff and you're like dude this is a joke like let's just do the part it's not it's not annoying because he's like making us money so yeah i respect the hell out of it you have the dream he didn't make the money i made playing hockey so i respect that he's grinding now to make his dough like i i yeah sometimes i'm like holy shit but you have the dream i love you for it wait you actually like if i had to pick one person who has the, that.
No, I mean, seriously. I mean, you've interviewed a lot of them.
No, but you get to do the fun stuff, but you're also, like, I respect that you don't do, like, you could move to New York and work here full time and be a star. I'd fucking rather be Billy Football.
Right, but you are, like, really good at managing, like, this is what I want to do, this is what I don't want to do. You have the dream.
And for the record, I have an average-sized cock, okay? I just want to put that out there. It sounds like you're – Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Please update the record. Oh, I've never personally – No, I'm not being defensive.
Like Colorado's in the South, it's average. I've never had to give a press conference announcing the size of my penis.
Put it that way. I'd like to thank everybody from TNT all season long.
I'll be 20 minutes here, guys. Give me a few.
For the dick pump they gave me to grow this thing. For bulging my crotch area with the HD lenses in studio.
Did they explain to you what a snake draft is? Yeah, he got it. I know what a snake draft is.
Did you ever do one with Barstow Chicago? Yeah. Okay.
I figured out what a snake draft was about halfway through that one. That was the learning lesson.
Yeah, that was where we learned. All right, so go ahead.
Let's go. First pick.
Biz, right away. Your dependency on coffee after you turn the age of 30 years old.
That's a fact. That's a good one.
I didn't have that one. That is an absolute fact.
That's a good one. It's constant.
You're thinking you're taking on more responsibilities, whether it's with work, whether it's the fact that you have a family. You family you know if you have kids you got to be cranking at least four or five cups a day even to just get your fucking day started big cat i see you so post about it every single morning coffee and i know that you can really relate to this one and i'm sorry if i stole it from no that's a great one most people in america can agree that your dependency on coffee and it sucks because there are a lot of consequences to it.
If you stop, you get headaches. Oh, there's days where...
You need to keep drinking it. So I have a cup like right when I wake up, but then I'll sometimes like get busy or something and forget because I usually have another cup around 10 a.m.
And if I miss that one at like two, I'm just like, what's happening to my body? You're like, am I having a seizure? Oh, you need a backhand need my coffee. It's like, yeah, we should do that as a sketch.
You turn into a raging bull. Yeah, yeah.
We'll push your head off the desk. Instead of being a bad drunk, you're just a bad non-coffee drinker.
Man, what's wrong with you? I need a cup of coffee. You know that something kicks ass when there's a big movement of people that try to tell you how to quit it, right? So now it's like a thing where people are like, I'm doing a caffeine detox.
I'm quitting coffee. And they quit for like two months, and then they go back, and they're like, I just had to prove to myself that I could exist without it.
It turns out it sucks going back to it. Now I'm addicted again full time.
Oh, why? You actually did that, or are you saying people do that? No, some people. I would never do that.
But if that's your problem that you're trying to quit, settle down. That's a pretty decent problem to have.
I mean, there could be way worse things we'd be addicted to. Have you guys ever had a scientist on to explain the bad things about caffeine? No, they always release.
Big Coffee does a great job marketing because like every three months, New York Times would be like, study shows that coffee drinkers live 10 years longer than everyone else. so they're doing a good job yeah would you guys start a coffee company with me sure okay be ready for phone calls okay let's talk i'm not gonna yeah this is uh okay then it could sponsor your pod it could sponsor our podcast and then we like you know maybe one day if they fucking say we're really hurting for sponsors wait so you're saying start your own companies that your company can sponsor your own.
Yes, correct. That's double chipping, baby.
That's genius. That is genius.
This guy. This guy.
This guy's you have a coffee today. I'd like to thank my coffee company.
That's a good one. One.
All right. Go ahead.
I would say. Just just the hangovers.
Yeah, I mean, this is this is like the one one draft 1-1 draft pick. That's why you need DHM detox.
You can't. I say the drinking is the only thing in the world.
The more you do, the worse you get at it. And over 30, it's like, I don't know.
For me, this list, once we talked about this yesterday, a lot of it's actually 35 for me. In the last four or five years, it's been even bigger than 30 to 35.
But overall, dude, I cannot go out if I have something to do the next day. Yes.
And if I'm drinking, I have to drink from noon to 8 p.m., get my seven, eight hours. I'm fine.
But, dude, if I'm up till two in the morning drinking, I'm actually done for like two to three days. Oh, yeah.
No, you know what it is? And you're right about the 30, 35 thing. I think 30 is when these things start to creep in.
35 is when they hit. And I got married when I was 35.
So that really. I got my first hangover when I was 31.
Yeah. And I was like, what is what is this? What's this feeling? So I remember I was just out of call.
I was say 22. I used to.
We'd go out every Friday, Saturday night, say we'd train during the week, right? All the guys playing, we'd rip it up. Every Friday, Saturday night, I'm talking until 3, 4 in the morning.
Saturday starts, right back at it. Every Sunday morning, I would play softball in Situate, my hometown.
I'd go down and play softball. It was a 9 a.m.
start. And I'm like, I can't even fucking move my body at night.
I was out two straight nights, and then I'd play softball at 9 a.m. I wasn't even, I can't even fucking move my body yes I was out two straight nights and then I'd play softball not him I wasn't even I felt great yes dude and and like bachelor parties it's all it's now three days because it's like Monday you're terrible Tuesday it creeps in and then Wednesday you're not hung over you just don't feel right yeah and you're like I'm not normal I can't tell you the last time I went on a bachelor party maybe three four years I go on golf trips which I guess, which I guess turn in basically to bachelor parties.
And then, yeah, you come home and you need a vacation from the vacation. I'm sorry to go long-winded, but drinking and hangovers after 30 is the biggest thing.
That's why you need DHM detox. No days wasted.
It's a good pick. There's 20 promo codes.
And the delayed onset hangover is brutal. The worst.
It's so bad. I'll be fine.
Weed can help that a little. Yeah.
Weed's kind of created, I think, just like a little puff of your hungover might help you. But then you're just like on another planet from that, too.
So, yeah. But you're absolutely right.
Like a great life hack, once you turn 35 especially, is just go out and day drink. Just day drink.
Just day drink. It's the best.
And then go back home, have a giant meal on your couch, and then fall asleep. Pass out on the couch.
Yeah, pass out on the couch, wake up, get like 10 hours of sleep, and then you're at least manageable the next day. The rule I always go is getting drunk is still fun, but once you're drunk, it's time to go home.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Beers one through seven are so much fun, and then when you're like, oh, wait, I'm drunk, I'm out.
If I know I'm drunk, it's the biggest Irish actually you've ever seen. All right, I'll go with another one that I think is high on the list and similar to Hangover's Heartburn.
Heartburn, when you get older, it sucks so bad to have to actually think about these things where it's like, oh, I shouldn't eat these wings at fucking 9 p.m. tonight because I'll be puking in my mouth at four in the morning we remember when we took uh we were in vegas probably three years ago four years ago and hank had his first ever heartburn and he explained it to us and we're like yep the puke comes up yeah yep yep and it's like you just it just hurts and you just feel like shit uh yeah like having to actually think like oh i shouldn't eat this this late at night or this is gonna like if I have a beer and a wing, it's going to fuck me up.
So that's the worst. I carry around Tums now.
It's my wallet. Yeah, so I recently made the upgrade from doing Tums and keeping Tums on me to now I take the one-a-day pills, which is like supposed to be- You just get ahead of it.
You get ahead of it. It's like, okay, this is just a problem I'm going to have to deal with.
So for the rest of my life, I'm going to just take a morning pill, and then I'll be moderately. I still take the Tums.
I double dip on that. But it helps.
So that's a big switch in your life when you realize. You just accept the fact, like, my stomach's going to suck until I die.
Yeah, and I think about when you're 21 in college, you're like, oh, I'm going to eat Taco Bell at 2 in the morning. If I did that now, I actually might die i might be like fucking yeah i think i think you know choking on my own puke you you just have to really change up your diet as you get older you don't even really need to exercise that much it's more about the diet if i have italian with red wine and then chocolate after oh that those three right there those three right there you're waking up at 2 a.m.
with a rush of puke through your throat. Like a Siamese cat with a shit in your mouth.
That's a heart bomb. Red sauce and wine or barbecue and whiskey.
Either one of those two combos. You got two picks, P.M.T.
This is tough because a lot of mine are off the board right now. Yeah, I knew heartburn was on there.
I had digestion. Is that the same as heartburn?

Yes.

Yeah, where it's just sitting in your stomach. Mine was also about my asshole, too.
It's like taking too many shits. But I'm not going to say that.
You can do bowel movements because that's missing, too, changes. I'm going to say making new friends.
That's a great one. Yep, that's a great one.
When you're 30, you usually have your set group of friends. I'm all set.
I don't need any more friends. You don't need more friends.

Trim the fat, actually.

You trim the fat.

Everybody, yeah, get less friends, as a matter of fact.

Yeah, it's hard to keep friends.

But when you meet new friends after the age of 30, it's usually built around an event that's taking place in your life and not necessarily because you have something in common with them.

Yes.

You know, it's like, oh, this person works in the same office as I do and I don't hate him.

Yeah.

Okay, yeah, I guess we're friends. Oh, this person plays fantasy football.
Yeah. I'll talk to them.
I guess they're my friend. But it's not the same level of closeness because I think what really makes you close with a friend is getting into trouble together with that friend.
Yeah. That's what forms that bond.
And doing fun stuff. When you get over 30, you don't do that much fun stuff.
Yeah. Like the funnest times that you can remember with your friends is not even like going out.
It's waking up the next day and all being in a house together and busting each other's balls. You don't get that anymore.
No, you don't. Because the kid's got baseball.
And then you got to get the dry cleaning. Yeah, it's over.
Good pick. Good pick.
Pick that. Oh, no.
No, you don't know the snake. Snake.
You don't know the snake, Wendy. All right, Pifty, you're up again.
I'm up again. So for my next one, I'm going to go just sleep, just sleeping.
Sleeping is tougher once you hit 30. It's harder to fall asleep.
It's harder to stay asleep. When you wake up in the morning, you don't feel like you've slept the full night.
It's just it's not the same. It hits different after 30.
Yes, I would do anything, anything to sleep in. To be able to sleep in.
I'd kill a small animal. I wouldn't do that.
I shouldn't have said that. But I wouldn't have just set an alarm again.
I don't need to set an alarm. How small an animal? Chipmunk? I'd kill a chipmunk.
Yeah, yeah. Like a little bird.
Yeah. Like I'm just telling you, if I need to be up for a flight or something at 5 in the morning, yeah, you need the alarm.
But at 6 a.m., my eyes open no matter what yep and it kills me yep yep it's it's

impossible to sleep in all right uh i got next pick i'm gonna say that when you get past your 30s something that really sucks is all the athletes you're watching are younger than you and being like like you start calling athletes kid and like shit like that where you're like oh okay, like, Luka Doncic is, like, 13 years younger than me.

Like, that shit just're like, oh, okay. Like Luka Doncic is like 13 years younger than me.
Like that shit just like kind of fucks you up where you're like, what am I doing? I'm watching like, you know, because you grow up and you have athletes that are older than you. And they're like, oh, yeah, that's my hero.
And then you get to a point where you're like, fuck, I'm older than everyone in this league. Yeah.
And that sucks. I don't think you can have a hero that's younger than you.
Yeah, right. That's always tough to like thinking about like watching college like basketball and it's like i'm rooting for a 19 year old i could i'm double his age when zion got into the league and people on tv were like this fat ass needs to watch his diet it's like dude you're just like on television like really really caring about the body size of an 18 year old yeah right right it's just weird it fucks with It's just weird.
It fucks with your head, and it's just like you have moments.

You still root hard, but you also have moments where you step back

and you're like, whoa, what am I doing?

Yeah, am I going to get hit with a restraining order?

Yeah, what's happening?

You know what's tough?

My body shaming?

Is when the first person who's younger than you retires from sports.

Yes, yes.

You're like, what?

No, no, don't do that.

Yeah.

I still think the college guys are my age.

Yes.

Dude, when you see the NFL draft, the quarterback that goes 1-1, you're like, that guy's older than me. And if he saw us, he's like, hey, sir, Mr.
Whitney. I'm like, what the fuck? We're the same age, bro.
Yeah. All right, your pick, Whit.
Okay, mine would be, and this has been a big problem for me, just waking up and something's injured. Yum.
The injuries from sleep like i i wake up and i'm like oh my god i can't move my neck what the fuck happened oh you went to bed like oh really this is what happens now like i wake up my foot i can't walk really correctly like you have these injuries that happen from nothing whether it's i guess sleep what i meant also like you can sneeze and Sammy Sosa style, throw at your back. That's after 30.
That doesn't happen in your 20s. So random injuries, basically, that come from nowhere.
It happened to me the other day. I woke up, my entire left arm completely not there.
I'm talking like not even pins and needles. I mean, there was nothing going on nerve-wise in my entire arm.
And then I do some research about it. I either slept on it really wrong or I've got like some injury that I'm just going to have to wake up with a dead arm once a month.
And you'll never do a thing about it either. And it's also like just any like I was at a wedding a couple of weekends ago and I woke up and I was like, my ankle hurt.
And I was like, why is my ankle hurt? And my friends are like, dude, you were so fucked up. You were just euro stepping people in the middle of the street at like two in the morning.
It's like, why did I like that? Why was I doing that? Why was I doing that? Like, of course, I'm injured. I was I was going to a golf.
I was going to play golf. This was two years ago.
And I got to the road where I'm on the road. And then I got to look.
I got to merge onto a road left. And all I did was just go like this.
Slowest. Turn to the left.
And I couldn't even go play. I was like, I got to go to the hospital.
I just turned left. Another one is picking up your kids.
Oh, yeah, you're done. I'll hurt myself once a week just picking up my kids with a weird angle.
You should hire a guy to pick up my kids. No, you can go in and lean in for the kisses, but he has to continually hold the kids.
Yes. All right, your pick.
Two. I was just going to say overall grooming and maintenance and the fact that you start having hair coming out of weird skin.
Oh, yeah, nose and hair. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, the ear. I get these long-ass eyebrows, eyebrow lashes.
Oh, dude, same. Yeah, it's bad.
Nose hairs. Hey, well, nose hairs, and not only that, but you got nose.
Yeah, you're really on me. I have a couple hairs on top of my nose.
He has hairs growing on top of it. Go look at his nose.
Oh, man, that's whiskey. That might be the beginning of whiskey nose, too.
Can we please post a video or a picture of the hair that's growing on top, on the point of his nose? Dude, what do you want me to do? I think you should start getting it waxed, eyebrow combo. No, I'm done with that.
The unibrow. I'm done with it.
Do you guys pluck your unibrow? No. I've never had to deal with that.
No, so I pluck my unibrow. I shave my unibrow.
I do it all. Yeah, I think you do for one.
I would be next to my wife on the couch, and she gets up all of a sudden, comes back with tweezers, and is just pulling ear hairs. And your eyes are watering.
You're like, ah! She's like, getting all these, these ear hairs are disgusting. I'm like, what? I didn't even know I had those.
So, Fizz, that's a great pick. Yeah.
I think this is the obvious one, sex drive. Okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't want to hump.
I feel like just wearing like new balances, kind of like all the stereotypes you see online about becoming a dad, like the big white ones, the high white socks, kind of how it looked like today. Yep.
And just, I just i don't know i just like i'd rather just fucking not do it sometimes you have to remind yourself like if i was 18 years old and i knew i could get laid and i knew that 30 year old me would not take that opportunity then you get mad at yourself and then you're like no i gotta take advantage so you have to like almost trick yourself into wanting it more yeah after you turn 30 or get testosterone shots. Yeah.
Sue Feiner. Every two weeks.
Does he really? Oh, yeah. Really? Dude.
Is that why he's- We know when we take Barstool Sports Advisors if it's a testosterone week or not. Because he's screaming.
He's just so horny. Have you ever heard of his rule? Yeah.
The 15, 15, 30? Yes, we have heard of his rule. I still haven't recovered from throwing up after i saw him that wasn't the heartburn yeah he does barstool sports advisors with his kids in the room most of the time his sons will be sitting there and he'll be talking about eating their mom's ass yeah uh okay wait you're up while he's close talking with a hair in his teeth um kind of a tough one to explain, but I cannot for the life of me get around since, and this is kind of a post-35 one, maybe a post-kids one, having to make plans so far in advance.
Yes. It fucking kills me.
I got, hey, you want to play golf September 10th? I'm like, what are you talking about, dude? I'm like, call me September 8th. like but everyone I know all my friends that are way more organized than me with families it's like they have every weekend planned out for the next four months yes and I can't do it and it's like actually creating stress in my life because like if I just did it but I'm like that's like me holding on to being young but anyone listening you'll have a point when you need to plan out everything and it sucks do you have the have the big calendar? We got the shared calendar.
Dude, when the big calendar shows up at your house, this might be relatable just to dads, but when the big calendar shows up at your house, it's a torture chamber. But the only good thing about big calendar— Because shit gets put on that, like he said, in 2023.
It's basically like when Alabama announces they're playing Texas in 2030. That shit goes on the calendar.
Yeah, we have his sixth grade graduation in nine years. It's crazy, dude.
So I do think about the big calendar, though. Married guys will know.
The good thing is if you get something on the big calendar, you get it. It stays.
You get it. It's in pen, not pencil.
I put that in the big calendar. That's a fact.
It becomes more real. The calendar just puts golf every day.
That's the thing. It's like you can use the big calendar to your advantage, too.
Yes. Because if it's on there, they have to respect what you put on them.
You're actually doing a good job as a husband and a father by planning that out that far in advance. Basically, so I mean planning your life on in advance.
I hate that. And that's an over 30 thing.
Yes. What about Thanksgiving? How early do you make Thanksgiving plans? Because I made my last ones.
We do the same thing every year. I made my last ones in January.
And that and that was tough yeah when i had to decide like and i started looking at flights and expedias like sir you can't book a flight this far in advance oh yeah i'm always you know you're old yeah yeah yeah that's oh the big calendar haunts me all right uh this one i'll have to explain a little too i when once you get to 30 and then like 35 you're supposed to like nice things and it's like like you're supposed to like wine really nice wine and like nice clothes and like you're supposed to like these things but there's part of you that's like i don't i just want a fucking coors light like i don't still a piece of shit yeah right like i'm still a scumbag like you're you're not supposed like you can't stay in bad hotels like there's supposed to be like things that you do that are nicer and your friends like nice things. I appreciate you admitting Coors Light's bad.
Coors Light is the best. It is the best.
I'm a Coors Light guy. You're suspended.
Do you know what I mean? Sussie. See you later.
Sussie. Do you know what I mean? You're supposed to be an adult with some of your tastes and you're like, wait, I don't like a cheeseburger.
I don't need to get the tuna tartare and shit. You know what I mean? Like ordering a cheeseburger at a nice steak restaurant or a nice restaurant, you look like a scumbag.
It's like, I want the cheeseburger. A girlfriend or a wife wants to try this new restaurant and you look at the menu and you're like, there's not one thing I want at that restaurant.
Yes. I want to go to the sports bar.
Yeah, I want to get mini fucking corn dogs and a big pretzel and just watch some games. I booked us this non-alcoholic vegan restaurant, sweetie.
It's just like... Yeah, right.
I should have saw it on the fucking calendar. Dude, you have to...
If I was just by myself, no kids, no family or anything, I'd just be a scumbag still. You know what I mean? I'd stay at shitty hotels.
I wouldn't care Like, all that stuff. But you gotta like nice things when you grow up.
The heartburn's making a lot more sense now that you keep talking. The heartburn was a great pick.
Yeah. What do you got? Listen, your last two.
Suicide's not funny, but it would be very funny if Biz actually killed himself because he had to go to a vegan restaurant. Or put something in a calendar.
Not worth it. Not worth it.
I don't mind vegan food, actually. So my next one, I'm going to go...
Hmm. You got two.
We got to rush two because they got an interview. Okay.
I'm going to go with finding and caring about new music. Good one.
Great one. I'm struggling with this big time.
Yeah. So when was the last time you found a new band? Well, music sucks now.
I'm trying to find old music now. Me too.
It's crazy. I'm like, my Spotify is just all songs from the 70s and 80s.
Mine, like the latest I go, I think I stopped really appreciating brand new music. I think the year was like 2011.
It's all junk now. Anything past 2011, it's like, yeah, I'll listen to it occasionally and I'll recognize the song, but then I'm like, me something from the 90s like go back i i love that pick that's a good one the key is finding a few friends that are djs or have great spotify lists and just have them send them have them send you over the lists and you just kind of go through it and listen and it's kind of fun because it's random and you don't have to do any other work to find it it's kind of of like the same thing of talking about an 18-year-old that's coming to the NBA, though.
I'd feel weird going to a concert of people that were all 21 years old. I feel like a real creep out there.
Yeah, that's a good one. That's a very good one.
My last one, I'm going to go just dressing. Just dressing yourself in general.
This might be more personal to me because I have what I call accidental six-year-old days where I get into the office and I look at myself in the mirror for the first time. I'm like, I'm fucking dressed like a six-year-old again.
Yeah. And it looks weirder as you get older.
So maybe it's just like me not updating my dress style whatsoever. What's that, Hank? What's that fucking smirk on your face? No, no.
Hank has a smirk. What is it? I mean, he looks great right now.
He looks like a six-year-old himself. You were explaining it well.
Yeah. But it's like it's like no no hank has a smirk what is it i mean like he looks great right now he looks like a six-year-old you were you were you're explaining it well yeah but i don't it's not like that changed when you got over 30 but it looks worse on me now that i'm old no now when people find out your age like that's how you're dressed exactly you're 27 at least maybe that's cool yeah so it's like a personal thing it's like not updating your dressing style whatsoever to appear like an adult.
Yeah, I feel you, buddy. Yeah, that's a Rudy outfit.
There's definitely something. That's Rudy Junda.
He would wear that exact outfit that you're wearing right now. He'd look much better in it.
I'm envious of your dress style. I wish I could dress the way you do.
Who are you talking to about that? Yeah. Me? You wish you could not feel shame.
Like a child. He meant to say not feel shame.
Not have your wife leave you. There's going to be paparazzi following you around now.
He wishes he could not feel shame. You wish that you could wear jingos.
I don't think you've spent money on clothes since I've met you. That's a fact.
I know. I'm envious of that.
A game I like to play is what did I buy that I'm wearing? I think I bought these socks. There we go.
Huge. I always buy...
That's my treat for myself. Nice new socks.
I buy new socks. Stocking stuffer? Yes.
All right, my last pick... With the gold coins.
It's a chocolate gold coins. My last pick is going to be...
I watch everything in subtitles now. And I also have found my...
So this is like a combo of just like just sound i have it happened actually the first time we went to army navy last year and we had like a barstool sportsbook event and i had to ask the dj to turn the music down a little bit because i couldn't hear people talk because like i was trying to have a conversation i was like this is just too loud so just the sound and like subtitles like all that shit changes and you're like yeah this music like having to actually say can you turn that down a little is such a demoralizing moment but you have to like do it because you can't hear anything and it's bothering you how loud it is so that's you know what the worst is loud bars yep yeah i fucking hate loud bars yeah and it's i i think i've always like not i i've never really loved being in loud bar but it's such a bigger inconvenience now that I'm older. And I know that I'm not a loud talker anyway.
So you're not stepping foot inside a club. If I know.
Fuck no. I went.
Actually, I went into a club like a month ago. Hank, right? Went to a club month ago.
I was like, what do I do now? Oh, I just put your earplugs in. I stand next to this couch.
Yeah. And wait for the And then you pay 10 grand to stand there for the real estate? Yeah, it's like, okay, I'm going to hang out by this very nice-looking couch for an hour.
Can't even talk to anyone. Can't do it.
Awful. But you do get the sparklers.
That's true. Yes.
All right, Whit, your last one. Oh, this is tough when you come to the end.
I would say, like, patience in lines, if that kind of makes sense. when i'm standing around now i don't know like when i was younger i don't know i just kind of like waited there now if i'm at like starbucks or something it's taking forever i just notice i'm way more maybe it's having kids you just lose your patience yep and i feel like you get it back like maybe 50s and 60s when you got nothing to do as of right now like my patience level my patience level is horrific.
If I see a line, I'll just be like, nope, we're not going there. Yeah.
I am always somewhat in a rush, I feel like, and it drives me crazy. You know what the worst line is? If you've already received whatever service that you're paying for, and then you have to wait in line to pay for it.
Yep. It's like, I've already but now i have to wait in line to give you my money let me just hand you some money yeah and just i won't i won't take change wait i mean you guys kind of like collectively took my last one which is going to be your your ability goes up that's i think that's fair yeah in general yeah so now i gotta think of a new one you could do that one if you can think of other, you know, patience is different.
I would say that my early days, like, you know, in your 20s, you always want to be around your buddies and you're okay. And we talked about the friend things as well, like where I really, really, like, I guess you enjoy your alone time.
Yeah. So therefore you aren't as irritable.
But I guess that wouldn't be something that you hate when you turn 30, right? Yeah. Taking care of your body maybe a little is an extra one.
That's losing weight. Yeah, it's like impossible.
I'm going to go to the gym. No, you're not.
Yeah. Yeah, like just being like, oh, well, I can put together a few good days in a row, but it's not going to stay.
There's a game on tonight. I'm going to drink.
Yeah, losing weight. How did I not do that one? I can't lose weight.
I actually, someone, I was on the elevator with Alex Bennett today, and she was like, oh, you've been playing basketball. Are you trying to get in summer season? And I was like, no, listen, there's only two seasons in my life now.
It's football season when I gain 20 pounds, and then off season when I lose 10. So I'm just going two steps back, one step forward until I fall off backwards off a cliff.
So in the 2035 season, you're going to be 4'10". Yes, yes.
It's just like that's pretty much how it always works. All right.
For me, I think that there's a limit to my body. I think once I hit 200, I think then it's all over.
If I'm below 200. What are you at now? I can always – shit, I'm probably like 175.
So if you hit 200, it's basically that's it. I came so close last summer after we did Grit Week, and we went to that wing place, Wing Nuts, and I fucking absolutely destroyed these wings there.
I got home. I weighed myself.
I think I was 195 pounds. And I know that once I hit 200, it's never gone below 200.
I'm just throwing up my hands and being like, okay, I'm going to be fat from now on. That was my 220.
Once I hit 220, it was 240 the next day, and it was like, you're never going back. I think everyone has that number in their mind.
When they see it, it's like, okay, this is over. Yep.
We have an interview right now. Yeah, let's go.
Bernie Nichols. Yeah.
So what we'll do is wrap up. This was awesome.
Thank you, guys. We love you guys.
Love you guys. Who won? We'll put it to a vote on Monday.
And then we'll have Hank say his list during the show on Monday. So thank you, guys.
We love you. I love you guys.
Love you, too. Love you guys.
Biz and Wit are brought to you by Sport Clips. At Sport Clips Haircuts, expert stylists give you a champion cut that's guaranteed to impress.
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We're going to do the Mount Rushmore of America on Wednesday. Get excited for that.
And Max Verstappen and Sergio Perez coming on Wednesday. I know people have wanted that.
So apologies for the delay. I had packed bars.
Yep. that's actually a very very good one that we should have said because there's definitely a point that you reach where it's like standing for long periods of time and getting bumped into your tolerance for it just diminishes to zero.
Yeah. I remember when that moment clicked for me.
You guys probably had a similar experience at some point. But on New Year's Eve one year and i had to pay like a hundred bucks or whatever to get a ticket and then you have to wait in line about 40 minutes to get each drink at that point i was like okay i'm done with crowded bars yep give me a hole in the wall where i can set the bar talk to the bartender that's perfect it's actually one of my i think when we did the mount rush war's, hidden skills, I think one of mine was always finding a table or seats because I just lock in because it's basically life or death.
When I walk into a busy restaurant or bar, it's life or death. If I can't find a seat within the first 10 minutes, I'm dead.
I'm a dead person. Popping the top? Yeah.
Well, that's just a weight joke. Are you talking about tarps off for the boys? Yeah.
Are you talking about convertibles? Physically getting your Jeep? No, I'm talking about taking your shirt off. Yeah.
Like, even if, I mean, I feel like some people stay in shape after 30, but I feel like a lot of people are in shape when they're younger. Never trust a guy over 30 with a six pack.
Yeah. Yeah.
So it's. Yeah.
So when's yours coming? Summer. I'm still 29.
This is the last summer you can have one without being weird. Right.
Also, I think that it gets cool again to take your shirt off over the age of 40. Well, that's when you start doing testosterone and HGH, and everyone's like, well, we see what's going on here.
Yeah, or if you just get fat, then it's cool over the age of 40. I like it that we now know, like, every guy who's super ripped over the age of 50, it's like, yep, cheater.
Cheater. And then my last two are kind of the same, or I guess similar, but keeping up with the lingo and talking to people.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. That's cap.
No, it's for real.

Oh, God.

And just talking to people significantly younger than you and realizing you're old.

Yeah.

Like you think you're talking to someone that's like might be your age or whatever.

And then they're like, I'm 21.

I had that moment today when I was at Pride Parade.

Did I mention I went and did Pride Parade?

Ally.

No big deal.

But in the office, it was like all 23-year-olds,

and I was in the mix, and I had nothing to talk about.

Like, nothing.

Because everyone was talking about the weekend and everything,

and I was just like, I don't know what to do.

So, yeah, you're absolutely right.

Those moments really suck.

It's also when you see a player that gets drafted

and their birthday is like 2003. That was on my list.
That was on your list. Yeah, I forgot.
I can't believe we didn't do losing weight. That was very stupid.
That was a big mess. Yeah, it gets more difficult for sure.
It's absolutely more difficult where it's like, oh yeah, my metabolism, I can't just be like, oh, I'm going to eat a salad for four days in a row and lose 10 pounds that doesn't happen anymore getting up standing up standing up yeah standing up is a tough one yeah sitting yeah standing up getting up from seats just changing changing positions yeah moving moving your body from like either laying down to sitting up sitting up to standing up or standing standing up to sitting down. Yeah.
All very difficult to do. I have to constantly be getting up at home with kids, and that's probably the hardest part of life now, is constantly getting up.
That first move in the morning. Because you know when you get home and you sit down, and you're like, I'm going to sit down for an hour.
I'm just going to sit. This is going to be nice.
After, you know, long, hard day in the blogging minds. Now, no sitting for me.
I'm always on the go. Sometimes you walk in and you stare at the couch and you know if you sit down, it's over.
Yeah. Like, you're not getting up.
My son makes me sit on the floor to play with him. And I'm just like, dude, why can't I just sit on the couch? Sacrifices I make, what are you going to do?

Your bowels get bad? For a lot of us? I eat four salads in a row and look what happens to me. I think you eat too many salads.
I think that's your problem. Your body's rebelling.
Your body's weak. You got to start putting some real dog shit meals in there to keep it strong.
No, you wouldn't get fat. Come on.
Cake Marsh. No, they said it was cake because everyone loved him.
That's why they called him that. Everyone loves cake.
Yeah, that's why they called him that. Not because he was fat.
Don't say that, Hank. I'll take their word for it.
I'll ask some of them. I'll repol them.
Okay. Do a repol? Alright, Okay.
All right. Let's do numbers.
Redraft. Give me a 77.
What's the gayest number? Six. I was at Pride Parades today, so I'm just kind of in the mood.
What's the gayest number? That's a good question. Three.
Ask Joey and Pat that. Right? 96.
Three? Is it? I don't know. I just picked a number.
All right. I'll do 20, 31.
96. Great, great tight show, boys.
Real tight. Almost too tight.
Looks like it's going to be 89. That's 89.
Fifth time. Fifth time.
Who's in the lead? 52 at nine times. Whoa.
That's insane. And Hank with how many? He was just going to say this every show.
No, I forget. It makes you laugh every show.
I just forgot about the big cat draft thing where he took players when with their birthdays like 2003. I'm a forgetful guy.
Anyways, parrots will selflessly help each other out. They're the only bird that does that.
Wow. Love you guys.
Talking away. I don't know what to say I'll say it anyway Today is another day to find you Shine away I'll be coming for your love again Shine away I'll be coming for your lover king take on me take on me take me take on me I'll be gone it ain't it ain't it ain't Thank you.
Take me out. The only girl Did I take a chance? So needless to say I'm upset and But I need some little wait And slowly learning to find things okay Say I need Place for better to be safe than something you All coming for you anyway Take on me Take on me Take me Take on me I'll take on beauty.
I'll be your beauty. Take on me.
Take on me. I'll be your beauty.
Take on me. Take on me.
I'll be your beauty. Take on me.
Take on me.

Take on me.

Take on me.