US Open Champ Matthew Fitzpatrick, NBA Draft And Mt Rushmore With Joey And Pat From Out And About

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Speaker 5 On today's part of my take, we have the NBA draft, Matthew Fitzpatrick, a Mount Rushmore that I think is one of the funniest Mount Rushmores he's ever done with our good friends Joey and Pat from the Out and About podcast, the Mount Rushmore of straight things that are low-key gay.

Speaker 5 We have Goodell. We have Kyrie.
We have Stanley Cup Finals. It is a huge show, like a sneaky, huge show for a June show.

Speaker 5 And then we have Fire Fest to wrap it all up.

Speaker 6 When cool, Creamy Ranch meets tangy, bold buffalo, the whole is greater than the sum of its sauce. Say howdy, partner, to new Buffalo Ranch sauce, only at McDonald's for a limited time.

Speaker 7 At participating, McDonald's.

Speaker 7 Now in the street, there is violence.

Speaker 7 And then I love the sound of work to be done.

Speaker 7 No place to hang out or washing.

Speaker 7 And then I can't blame all on the sun. Oh no, we're gonna rock it down to Elite Track Avenue.

Speaker 7 And then we'll take it higher.

Speaker 7 Oh, we're gonna rock it down to Elite Track Avenue.

Speaker 4 It's part of my take.

Speaker 1 There's another part to a sport.

Speaker 4 Welcome to part of my take, presented by visible.

Speaker 5 Go to visible.com/slash podget unlimited single-line wires for as low as $25 a month. Today is Friday, June 24th.
You ready for this, PFT? A little,

Speaker 5 little, little Hezzy Hay. The Detroit Pistons are back.
They are.

Speaker 5 I like what they're building.

Speaker 8 Hey, they're building something up in the north, big cat.

Speaker 5 Ah, I'm putting something together.

Speaker 5 So NBA draft, paolo gets picked one um we have to talk about what woj did the insider trading that he did um crazy but and we can talk about whatever pick we want to do but i the the main takeaway i mean i know this is sounds crazy to say but think jaden ivey falling to five because keegan murray goes four to the kings jaden ivey and cade cunningham they're building You with that?

Speaker 5 Because let's build.

Speaker 8 Dude, it's going to be something in a couple of years.

Speaker 5 I like it.

Speaker 8 Listen, I don't know shit shit about basketball, but those are two good players that they got. Also, Paolo Bancaro, he went first overall.
Credit to Coach K for going out on a high note right there.

Speaker 8 I can never like really tell with some of these players. Like you go to a team like Orlando that's just dog shit.

Speaker 8 To me, they're like probably five years away from being any good. So I don't know.

Speaker 8 When is an appropriate time to do a redraft of players? I feel like it's after like three years or four years.

Speaker 5 I'd like to do do one right now.

Speaker 8 Okay, redrafting. I love, I actually think that the thunder nailed it.
I think that Chet goes too, just because a guy named Chet in Oklahoma City, that plays.

Speaker 5 Chet is going to be a perfect fit in Oklahoma City, not from even a basketball standpoint, just from a life standpoint. From a Chet standpoint.

Speaker 5 I was a little upset that his father didn't have the video camera. Felt like a great moment for him there.

Speaker 5 He should have had the video camera, but he did have Chet's dad is like i i just i would love to actually have chet's dad on the show he had like a ponytail um looking like a like uh

Speaker 5 maybe a silicon valley guy who made billions in like the 70s and just hasn't changed his look i love that guy um jabari going to the rockets another great like what draft talk i love draft talk right after we draft because

Speaker 5 everything's a good pick right right now well except for whatever the knicks are doing That's all I truly understand.

Speaker 8 The best part of draft night by far is just Stephen A. Smith getting more and more progressively despondent about the Knicks.
I just want like a solo cam on Stephen A.

Speaker 8 Smith, like hanging his head further and further down.

Speaker 5 Well, the Kings. The Kings, yeah.
So the Kings taking Keegan Murray was like, I everyone thought it was going to be Jaden Ivey for. They went, I like Keegan Murray.

Speaker 5 I think he was really good at Iowa, but the Kings are just the Kings and they keep doing Kings stuff.

Speaker 8 Well, going off that stat with the Kings, how every single year,

Speaker 8 the player, the team after the Kings pick drafts an all-star.

Speaker 5 That's just a trend.

Speaker 8 They had to keep up with that this year. And Detroit was, you knew that Detroit was going to get a great player even before the draft started.

Speaker 5 Yeah, it's that's why Jaden Ivey going to the Detroit, the Pistons are back.

Speaker 5 Also, a great part of the draft was Perk just trying to pronounce anyone's name.

Speaker 5 One of the greatest ones when he compared, I can't remember who he compared him to or who he was comparing, but it was to OJ Ananubi. I probably fucked that up, Jake.

Speaker 5 You can give me that, but he called him OJ Anaginoblie. So like a combo of Ginobly and OG.

Speaker 5 Can you give us a full pronunciation there, Jake?

Speaker 5 I'm double checking right now. Ananobi.
OG Ananobi from Indiana. Yeah.
But Perk just, he's leaning into it. He doesn't fucking care.

Speaker 5 He's just like, I'm just going to go all the way into this and I'm just going to mispronounce.

Speaker 5 Remember last year when he moses moody like he got stuck in a time warp trying to get that name out i like i perk makes me laugh like i don't i know some people i saw some people being like it's disrespectful he can't get the names right i want to be entertained there's only so much you can say about every pick being like this is a great fit this is a great pick this guy has length this guy can do everything he can play d he can he can shoot threes just give me someone mispronouncing every name and i'll be i'll laugh it's it's fine if the guy is like really southern like Kendrick Perkins is, then you can mispronounce anything and it's funny.

Speaker 8 If it's like a northern accent mispronouncing stuff, then it's like, whoa, that's unprofessional.

Speaker 8 But when it's perk, it's like, that's kind of what you expect that from Perk, and then you expect him to say, carry the hell on afterwards.

Speaker 5 Exactly. Exactly.
So

Speaker 5 one of the big questions I had about this draft is Woj.

Speaker 5 Woj,

Speaker 5 so he's insider trading, right? Like he just. He just completely insider traded this entire draft.

Speaker 5 So if you missed it, Woge tweeted at 8:40 this morning um saying that jabari was going to be the first pick i believe and basically everyone paolo bancaro went from minus 200 to plus 300 to be the first pick and then obviously paolo becomes the first pick and woge i assume just cashes in on the other side i mean you're allowed to do that there's no law against it right now so like as an information broker so woge has opportunities right woj could go work for a gambling company if he wanted to and they get all the information first.

Speaker 8 Or Woge could take less money, stay at ESPN, and then profit like a motherfucker based off all the inside information that he's getting and like a little frosting, a little icing on top of the cake that way.

Speaker 8 And I think that's what Woach is doing. And as far as I understand, I'm not a finance guy.
Our finance guy is suspended from the podcast right now, but I feel like that's completely legal.

Speaker 5 Yeah. I mean, it is, but it still pisses me off.
I didn't lose any money.

Speaker 5 Like, I didn't bet it, but if I had, I would have been, I would have been opening up a lawsuit that you know a class action lawsuit doing one of those commercials that comes on late at night being like were you harmed by woja's tweet for the 2022 draft because we're going to sue and we're all going to get like 16 back

Speaker 8 um permission to go off real quick yeah

Speaker 8 i kind of hate the nba draft i hate i hate like this the little details behind it i hate how it's like i like the picks i like when when teams are making picks the guys go up they put their hats on.

Speaker 8 I don't like that sometimes they make them wear the hat of the team that drafted them, even when they get traded like immediately. I don't like that part.

Speaker 8 But I like, you know, I like the theory of players advancing to the NBA, seeing what teams are getting, what players.

Speaker 8 But the NBA has convinced sports fans to do algebraic equations to understand what the fuck is going on. You have to be kind of nuts to understand it.

Speaker 8 It's like the Hornets shed a two-way expiring contract to the Thunder via the

Speaker 8 Trailblazers in exchange for the protected rights of the Knicks second-rounder from the first-round play-in tournament victory. There's too many rules.

Speaker 8 They make people have to follow these little breadcrumbs and know all the shit about the contracts to understand exactly what's going on in these NBA draft day trades. And it pisses me off.

Speaker 5 Well, it's, I mean, it's similar in the NFL where the salary cap just isn't real. So it's like, whatever's reported, just figure it out the next day.

Speaker 5 The reason why I'm not like huge on the NBA draft is, let's be honest, every NBA draft, what is there? You know, maybe,

Speaker 5 maybe four

Speaker 5 like all guys who are going to make an all-star team, five guys that are making an all-star team.

Speaker 5 There's another like 10 guys that are going to be decent players, some role players, but like it's not, you know, there's a lot of the majority of the guys in these, in the two rounds of the NBA draft are not going to be in the NBA in three years.

Speaker 5 I think you're wrong.

Speaker 8 I don't think that it is like the NFL draft. I think there's way more rules.

Speaker 5 No, no, no, no. It's not like the NFL.
There's way more rules.

Speaker 8 There's way more rules, though, about like conditional things that have to happen and picks that they've acquired via some other team from another thing. It's just, it's too much.

Speaker 5 It's talking about like protected picks and stuff.

Speaker 8 Yeah, all that. And the way that they get moved around, like, right after players are drafted, that part pisses me off.

Speaker 5 You know what? I think, I think your gripe is really that Oklahoma City has so many picks that like it just confuses everything.

Speaker 8 That and like everything that happens between the Nets and the Celtics. We still haven't figured out who won that trade yet.

Speaker 5 Yeah. That's because there's still some picks left.
But yeah, I I mean, the Thunder, like, so the Knicks, people are mad at the Knicks, right? Knicks fans are very upset, I believe.

Speaker 8 They're upset because it looks like they got rid, from my understanding, at least. I don't know.

Speaker 8 It's been a while since they've taken calculus, but it looks like they're pissed off because they got rid of Kimball Walker, essentially his contract.

Speaker 8 They didn't want to have his contract on the books so that now they can go pursue.

Speaker 8 uh what's his name from the mavericks i forget who they're looking at from the mavericks luca donchich no a free agent a free agent so um yeah luca that would be a good trade no probably jalen Brunson, I think, is a free agent.

Speaker 8 Yeah, Jalen Brunson, that's this guy.

Speaker 8 So they are like getting rid of money so that they can go after this guy that they think, that the Knicks think is going to be good, but everybody's like, what the fuck? Why are we doing this?

Speaker 8 We wanted an actual like impact player right now. So Knicks fans.

Speaker 5 But they benched Kendla at the end of the year last year.

Speaker 8 Kendra is always going to be mad about something. And this is the, we're mad about this at the night for Knicks fans.

Speaker 5 Yeah. And I, you know, I do think there's a frustration anytime you have a pick and then you trade out of the pick and you're like, I want the new shiny thing.

Speaker 5 We want to talk about, yeah, Johnny Davis to the Wizards. Yeah, buddy.
Night Us.

Speaker 5 Big cat. Doing the fucking fist.

Speaker 5 Power handshake meme.

Speaker 8 So

Speaker 8 I want to give a little behind the scenes because I have some insight into the Johnny Davis pick. You might recall from Wednesday's part of my tech.

Speaker 8 I told you if he gets to 10, the Wizards are taking him. So what happened was Memorial Day weekend, I was down in DC, right? I went to the old glory rugby game, the MLR game in DC.

Speaker 8 I got introduced to John Thompson, the third, former Georgetown coach, son of big John Thompson. And he was there.
He's working with the Wizards now in player development.

Speaker 8 I was probably like seven to 10 cores lights deep at the moment. And so I got introduced to him and I said, John,

Speaker 8 I got two words for you.

Speaker 4 Johnny Davis.

Speaker 8 That's the first thing I told him. And then he looked at me, he goes,

Speaker 8 What do you mean, Johnny Davis? I was like, I think he's a good defender and he can score at the basket.

Speaker 8 And he looked at me and he goes, I swear to God, he goes, you sound like you really know your basketball and i was like i do i do i know a shitload about basketball he's like he's not going to be there at 10.

Speaker 8 i was like well if he is there you got to take him he's like we play on it we intend to so i in this in this scenario i might be the homeless guy that told the cleveland browns to draft johnny manzel yeah well so so you basically were like when he's like you don't know you sounds like you know your basketball you should have been like i went to one college basketball game this year yeah it was johnny davis it was johnny daves well i mean to be fair i have been watching johnny davis for a couple years mostly because you have the wisconsin games on all the time and i i have liked johnny davis a lot so as a as somebody who's historically apathetic about the wizards this is as as close as they've come in like the last seven years to making me care about the team johnny davis

Speaker 5 you know i'm gonna be rooting for him so i love it I love it. And then the Bulls took a dog.
That's all I care about. The Bulls took a dog.
Dalen Terry from the

Speaker 5 Arizona Wildcats. And I just like like all the tweets are him just talking about how if they do a redraft, it's going to like in 10 years, it's going to be different and shit like that.

Speaker 5 Just quotes that are just dogging him. He said the reason he's in my redraft number three.
Yeah, he said his reason for coming out after a sophomore year.

Speaker 5 I haven't played basketball since I was two to be a college player. Dog.
Dog. Dog.
Got that dog in him. He's got that dog in him.
And I don't know. He's just going to play some defense, be a wing.

Speaker 5 As KD said, wings rule the league.

Speaker 5 You just need wings just get guys between six six and six nine and hope that it works out eventually also our good friend tom fornelli his player comp for dalon terry was draymond green without a podcast so he won't be distracted that's good i guess yeah i don't know four rings are you are you one draymond green away from a from a ring i'd say so i'd say that's just the piece what if we just built it what if the bulls built a team out of only draymond greens i would watch that game actually that'd be awesome yeah and they would probably have they'd probably take number one spot away from us in podcasting.

Speaker 8 They would probably just collapse the Bulls because they wouldn't have a team because everybody would be suspended.

Speaker 5 Yes, that's true.

Speaker 8 They would hate each other. Draymond Green would actually hate playing on a team with himself.

Speaker 5 Yeah. Well, when he sees Dale and Terry, it's going to be like two dogs barking in the

Speaker 5 window at each other.

Speaker 8 Great podcast, though.

Speaker 5 As our college basketball expert, any thoughts? Any nuggets you want to drop on us? All the Duke guys are going to be a boss. They can't win when it matters most because

Speaker 5 lose when all the pressure is on them. Wait, but hold on, Jake.

Speaker 1 Hold on.

Speaker 5 How many Duke guys went in the first round? Three or four? Four. Four.
And I think the first round's still going on. And UNC must have had, what, like four or five guys go in the first round?

Speaker 5 They're all going to exercise another year and try to run it back. Oh,

Speaker 5 they're going to wait. So

Speaker 5 they're going to go lose again? No, in the national championship. That's the first thing that's going to be.
Wait, so Duke, Duke has all these

Speaker 5 picks. So they should have

Speaker 5 Yeah, and they should have beaten UNC in their last home game ever in front of Coach K and also because he's never going to go to Cameron ever again.

Speaker 5 And also the Final Four game they played against their rival UNC. Did they win that game? Right.
You would think that. And they were the number one overall seeds.
They were favored to win by seed,

Speaker 5 but. I guess maybe they were checked out because they wanted to go to the NBA.
They didn't want to win it for their coach. So I don't know where the blame goes there.
But no, they did not win it all.

Speaker 5 They did lose in the Final Four. They did send out their Hall of Fame coach out with a loss to their Jake.

Speaker 8 You know what's crazy is that the New Zealand Breakers had more first-round picks than Syracuse.

Speaker 5 Yes, they did. But the Bayheims, they're in New York City.
They went to John Zleeker today. So who's the real winner?

Speaker 8 I'd say the New Zealand Breakers.

Speaker 5 I'd say we are.

Speaker 5 I don't know.

Speaker 5 As governors.

Speaker 5 Do you guys see the wild thing? I won't forget the wild thing this time.

Speaker 5 Jaden Ivey's mom played in the WMBA. And there was a picture I tweeted of him as a baby and her in the WNBA jersey.
And the reverse is them hugging in the green room.

Speaker 5 And it's wild because now he's in the NBA. She was in the WNBA.
That is wild. That's wild.

Speaker 5 Oh, that is wild.

Speaker 8 Nicola Jovich just went just went to the

Speaker 8 heat culture.

Speaker 5 Oh, this is this kicks ass.

Speaker 8 The team that he played for mega mozart

Speaker 5 what a cool name for a team by the way dalen terry uh just tweeted chicago what what what was

Speaker 5 good

Speaker 5 with a bunch of o's and d's and then use the demon time emoji so that's a dog

Speaker 8 is johnny davis a dog johnny davis is a dog we got that we got that dog in us For sure.

Speaker 5 He never smiles. His Johnny Davis' scouting report is he literally never smiles.

Speaker 8 Good. Don't smile until you win a championship.
That's your reward. And even then, not until your dynasty.

Speaker 5 How great would it be if the Wizards, like late in the second round, just took Brad Davidson?

Speaker 8 It would be awesome. That would be so sick.
Just turn him baby Badgers, baby. That's just that.

Speaker 5 Out of nowhere.

Speaker 8 That would be incredible. No, like, can you imagine just so the Wizards is just an objectively dog shit name for a team? Can you imagine them winning an NBA championship?

Speaker 8 And it's like, congratulations to the Wizards.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 5 It's just

Speaker 5 never going to storm the Capitol one center.

Speaker 8 That's good. Good job, Jake.

Speaker 5 Let's talk to Politics.

Speaker 5 Jake is on fire.

Speaker 5 One more thing.

Speaker 8 Wait, wait. You can't make a bad joke and be like, I knew that you'd like that one.

Speaker 5 Oh, that plays. Yeah, that does play.

Speaker 5 I never make bad jokes.

Speaker 8 I just make good jokes you guys don't get.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 5 Half the internet believes that.

Speaker 5 Right.

Speaker 5 The Nuggets fans are about to

Speaker 5 learn that Christian Brown is not brawn. And they're going to be like, what the heck?

Speaker 5 Yeah,

Speaker 5 we should throw out the bonk on our friend Stephen Che, who's very horny for Christian Brown's mother, which I feel like that's a relic of like Internet 1.0 when we just like,

Speaker 5 damn, this mom is really hot. I guess it still plays.
I mean, you know. It is the NBA draft.
You kind of lose interest after the first like five picks.

Speaker 5 So what else are you going to do besides oggle it like family members of the draftees?

Speaker 8 It goes back to the days of like the blogs that would be written the day after the draft. Who really won the draft? Christian Braun's mom.

Speaker 5 Fly Joe. By the way, how about Paolo's suit? Oh, it's nice.

Speaker 5 All purple? All purple.

Speaker 8 A lot of nice suits today. A lot of nice haircuts today.
Really cool haircuts all around.

Speaker 5 Yes. I don't know what else.
What else we have in the draft? I mean, it was. Top goal in arena, not center.
So those joke doesn't even imply.

Speaker 1 Jake.

Speaker 5 jake you were you were feeling hot

Speaker 5 after the duke joke you went for it tough you shot your shot yeah i'm trying to look any other draft picks that we should talk about

Speaker 5 shaden sharp that's that's i'll tell you what if you're a blazers fan shaden sharp like i i actually love taking a guy like that just to be like he could be the greatest player of all time he

Speaker 5 He didn't play college basketball, but

Speaker 5 any guy who everyone's like, the ceiling is incredible. Why not? You at least get a year to think that he might be that guy.
Yeah.

Speaker 8 Jalen Duran, he got traded. Like Woge and Shams kept going back to back, saying he was going to like a different team.
Then he would go to a different team after that.

Speaker 8 And it all happened after, right after they played the clip of him saying how much he loved friends. So I tend to believe that every GM saw that was like, fuck, get this guy out of here.

Speaker 8 This guy sucks.

Speaker 8 And then another GM would find out that, oh, man, I got a friends lover on my team. Got to trade him.
Had him like three times within the span of five minutes.

Speaker 5 It's got to be the highest a Benedict has ever been drafted. Ooh, can we get a quick fact check?

Speaker 5 Also,

Speaker 8 was Arnold conscripted or was he

Speaker 8 volunteer?

Speaker 5 I don't know.

Speaker 8 That was a draft joke about Benedict Arnold. I was trying to one-up Jake.

Speaker 5 You did. You did.

Speaker 5 You, because Jake's joke was incorrect. Yeah.

Speaker 5 We also were very, we were the closest. We were very close.

Speaker 5 I heard Rosillo mention this on his podcast, but that was a good one. We almost broke.

Speaker 8 Yeah, I love, I love the 15-second Hank delayed joke. Understands.
Those are the best.

Speaker 5 We almost broke the streak. Chet Holmgren was very close to going one.
He would have been the first white American since 1977,

Speaker 5 drafted one overall in the NBA draft. Is that Larry? Maybe next year, guys.
No, it's a guy named Kent Benson.

Speaker 5 Maybe next year. Old KB.
Yeah.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 5 What again? Literally KB no swack.

Speaker 8 Who could forget?

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 5 Yeah. Old KB, Kent Benson.
So we were close. We did

Speaker 5 make sure we stop. Yeah, we're, we're, we are, when it comes to the NBA draft one one one,

Speaker 5 we are a minority.

Speaker 5 So maybe next year. 1977 is crazy, though.
Wait.

Speaker 8 No, that French guy's going first overall next year, right?

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 5 So, but could that be a draft?

Speaker 8 2024. That's our year.

Speaker 5 You think so? Yeah.

Speaker 8 Yeah, I think so.

Speaker 5 Call your shot. I'm going to say it.

Speaker 8 Wait, let me look to the McDonald's All-Americans right now.

Speaker 5 I'm going to say an even 50 years. Give me 2027.

Speaker 8 If you could actually bet on it, what do you think the over-under amount of years would be? I think it's probably like over under 30, the next 31 and a half years.

Speaker 5 Yeah, a billion? I don't know. It's yeah.

Speaker 8 McDonald's All-Americans.

Speaker 5 Yeah, give us a quick breakdown.

Speaker 5 Jake, plug your plug lacrosse this weekend, Saturday night, right? Yes, Saturday, 6 and 8.45 Eastern Time, ESPM Plus.

Speaker 5 If you're around, would love for you to tune in. Should be a lot of fun.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 5 If you don't tune in, you're a fucking scumbag and I want you dead.

Speaker 8 Yeah, Jake's going to show off his crotch in the live broadcast. And you're all dead if you don't watch it.

Speaker 5 There we go. So yeah, should should be exciting.
I think we're having a

Speaker 5 Barcelona sportsbook boost on the games as well.

Speaker 8 All right. I've got our guy.

Speaker 5 Is it going to be called the Marsh? Uh, I think it's still the Ray Bull.

Speaker 5 I mean, it's up to change, probably.

Speaker 8 Okay, so the guy that's going to break the streak, I'm calling my shot right now. He's going to go to Kansas, and his name's Grady Dick.

Speaker 8 I just sent it to the group chat.

Speaker 8 Look at the official picture of this guy. There's no better shooter in this class of McDonald's All-Americans than Grady Dick.

Speaker 5 What year?

Speaker 5 He's a McDonald's-all-American this year. Yeah.

Speaker 5 Okay, I like that. Grady Dick, and

Speaker 5 I'll give you a backup. Okay,

Speaker 5 we got from Maine.

Speaker 5 Okay, real.

Speaker 8 Let's not get carried away with the white.

Speaker 5 Class of 2025, Cooper flag with two G's.

Speaker 5 He's the third-ranked overall high school player right now. Five-star, 6-7 kid from Maine.
There we go. We gave you good options there, folks.
Oh, cruise.

Speaker 5 It's also funny because none of these high school players have pictures. And then I saw Cooper and I was like, okay,

Speaker 5 that's our guy. Yeah.

Speaker 5 But

Speaker 8 the second round doesn't matter at all in the NBA draft, right? No, no.

Speaker 5 Ever? No.

Speaker 8 When was the last time there was a good second player?

Speaker 5 Oh, it's flag with 2Gs.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 5 Yeah, flag with 2Gs. That's what I said.
Yeah. I mean, there's been some good players, but like

Speaker 5 it's a very, very low percentage no there's definitely been some very good players in the second round it's just it's just yeah there's a shitload of players that just are they don't even make the team because it's not guaranteed contracts in the second round big case big queserrito chris middleton it's really

Speaker 5 a second rounder jimmy or no jimmy uh jimmy was not yeah nicole yeah the mvp is a second rounder i forgot about the queserrito yeah yeah the queserito i'm trying to think jalen brunson who we talked about was a second rounder marker

Speaker 8 can i just plug real quick for hank taco bell i had the crunch wrap breakfast thing the other day

Speaker 5 thank you holy shit that is good you never had that before no first timer over here and my god my life is has changed forever forever it is it's my one one fast food breakfast item across the map i actually this is how dated it was i had like one of my most popular vines was was me vining a breakfast contrap when it first came out.

Speaker 5 Hell yes. And through numbers?

Speaker 5 Compared to my other vines. Yes.
What do you guys think about Jabari Smith's fit in Houston?

Speaker 5 I don't know. It seems like there's a very active roster they got going on over there.
Solid fit.

Speaker 8 You say A plus.

Speaker 5 I'd say he's an A plus on talent, A minus on fit.

Speaker 5 Why?

Speaker 8 I had the other way around.

Speaker 5 I think that he needs,

Speaker 8 he's more of a catch and shoot guy. If he can add the like shot creation into his repertoire, I really think that he's going to be a plus as a player and still an A plus as a fit.

Speaker 5 Yes. All right.
Let's kick it to ourselves. We have an unbelievable show rest of the show.
Matthew Fitzpatrick in studio. Guys,

Speaker 5 Firefest. We have a Mount Rushmore that I think is one of our funniest ones ever.
It's

Speaker 5 straight things that are sneaky gay with Joey and Pat. And then we're also talking some Stanley Cup final.

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Speaker 1 Some other sports. Stanley Cup final.
We had another overtime.

Speaker 1 We had the cadre goal that was

Speaker 1 the most anticlimactic goal because it was on the road. It reminded me right away of the Patrick Kane goal where it gets stuck up in the net.
Only a couple people realize it went in.

Speaker 1 And the avalanche. The best words in all sports, the cup is in the building.

Speaker 4 Yeah, it's coming home.

Speaker 1 The cup is in the building.

Speaker 4 I'm pretty excited for my Avalanche bet. I'm feeling comfortable about it because this does feel like a game seven now.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Well, no,

Speaker 1 I think it feels like a game two. No, this is because.
Because the Avalanche can lose, or like, it doesn't really matter. They're going to win this season.

Speaker 4 This is game seven for the Lightning. Yeah.
And it's a Game Two for the Avalanche. Correct, guys.

Speaker 1 Correct. Correct.

Speaker 4 Yeah. Last night.
I'm actually starting to get confused about the Lightning because

Speaker 4 the thought entered my head: are we sure the Lightning are good? Or do they just have Vasilevsky, who is the best goaltender in the league by a comfortable margin? Any other team, any other goaltender

Speaker 4 that was playing last night with that Tampa Bay team, like the score would probably be like five to two at the end of regulation. It was insane some of the saves he was.

Speaker 1 He was crazy.

Speaker 4 He was standing on his head.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and you could feel like that. There's no worse feeling if you're a fan of a team in the NHL playoffs and you're in the overtime and you're just like, there's nothing we can do.

Speaker 1 They staved it off for 10 minutes. It felt like the Avalanche were just living in their zone.
The Lightning are good.

Speaker 1 I think we're also finding out like there's the tread on the tires, not only just from playing two seven-game series this playoffs and the Avalanche kind of coasting through the West, but the,

Speaker 1 you know, the accumulation of two cup runs, the Avalanche just look like the far fresher team.

Speaker 9 They're faster.

Speaker 10 Far, far fresher.

Speaker 4 Sometimes it's simple.

Speaker 4 Even if you're not a real puck boy like me and Big Cat, sometimes you watch the games, you don't understand how they're cycling the puck and the different substitution patterns that they're using.

Speaker 4 Unlike us, we see that. But even people that are just casual hockey fans look at it and they're like, well, the Avalanche are just much faster on ice skates than the Tampa Bay Lightning are.

Speaker 1 And you've seen the, so Merles, who's with the Spit and Chiclets crew, I was watching a period with those guys last night, and he was saying that he talked to someone that basically the Lightning's big adjustment has been, if you've noticed,

Speaker 1 they're basically flipping the puck out of the zone. zone every time they're in the defensive zone

Speaker 1 check was too strong. Well, instead of trying to gain possession and

Speaker 1 go forward, they're just basically saying, let's play 50-50 pucks in the middle of the ice instead of letting the Avalanche gain up all this steam and come downhill constantly on us.

Speaker 1 It worked for one game, and then last night it obviously didn't.

Speaker 4 In games one and two, they just couldn't get the ball or the puck out of their end. Sorry, a lot of times we call it a ball.
It's like next level stuff. Yep.

Speaker 4 And the four check that the Avalanche had was too strong. So they said, fuck it.

Speaker 1 Let's just clear the puck every single time. They're flipping it.

Speaker 4 Yeah, we'll flip it down the right in the middle.

Speaker 1 Down the field.

Speaker 4 Yep. And then we'll go retrieve the ball.

Speaker 1 Just a nice little coffin corner. Exactly.
So right along the board. So the walls.
I think we call them the walls. The walls.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 The sidelines.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the sidelines.

Speaker 4 Yes.

Speaker 4 And then at the end of the game, there was that anticlimactic moment where I just wanted the horn. If the horn had sounded, then it would have been fine, but there was no horn.

Speaker 4 And then everyone stood by the net, like staring at the puck in the back of the net. And they were like, I don't know.

Speaker 1 Is that a goal? The puck's back there. And I thought it was a goal.
I felt like it went in. And then by everyone else's reaction, I was like, wait, it didn't go in.

Speaker 4 Well, everybody else on the ice, they just like swarmed the net. And there were some guys on the avalanche.

Speaker 4 I think Kadra even went to the side of the net and started swatting at like an imaginary puck that was on the ice. And then I got very confused by that.

Speaker 4 But you saw a bunch of Lightning fans, even I think the Lightning coach after the game said,

Speaker 4 John Cooper said, it stinks. It stinks, dog.
It stinks to lose. Mr.
Cooper said after the game, it stinks to lose like that on a blown call. Yeah.

Speaker 4 And kind of said, like, they had too many men on the ice, is what he was implying. Which they did.
But they did.

Speaker 4 But then if you go down that road, the Lightning had seven guys on the ice to the Avalanche six on the ice.

Speaker 1 They were right along the boards. They were saying that, yeah, it was clear that they had a full six, not someone, you know, in the middle of a line change.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 I agree with you. Like, if you're gonna lie,

Speaker 1 if you go,

Speaker 1 if you try to dissect every single second of a game, you know, it's a tough call to make, and he wasn't part of the play.

Speaker 4 That's kind of what I like about Hot.

Speaker 4 Like the first goal of the night, Kimper's helmet came off, and then the Lightning scored after the guy's helmet came off. And then

Speaker 4 they took a look at it, and some people were saying, Oh, that shouldn't be a goal. And by the letter of the law, if the helmet comes off, they're supposed to stop the play, it's over.

Speaker 4 But it was kind of like in the same motion, right? And so the reps were like, That's a good hockey goal. Yeah.
And it's like, yeah, I get that. I love that about hockey.

Speaker 4 Sometimes they're just like, we're going to ignore the rule book because my eyes told me that's fine. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Play on. Play on.

Speaker 4 Let the boys say all this on the office.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Wayne and Gart just playing in the street.

Speaker 1 Okay, so we have what game, Cup in the Building on Friday night. There's nothing better than the Cup in the Building.
Like, if you're not watching the Cup in the Building, come on.

Speaker 4 It's the Cup. The thing about the Cup is whenever some team wins it, if you root it against them, the ceremony afterwards, like how happy the guys get.
That's the best.

Speaker 4 You're like, man, I love these guys.

Speaker 1 What a team.

Speaker 1 And the way they do it, like where, you know, the captain will lift the cup and then he'll make sure that the second guy is usually the guy who's been there the longest or, you know, the grizzled vet.

Speaker 1 And it's like, you could, the announcers will like explain the story of, oh, this is why this guy goes and this guy. And it's great.
There's nothing better.

Speaker 4 That's one sport where I would actually appreciate it if the owners raised the cup first.

Speaker 4 If they handed the giant ass Stanley Cup to like an old frail owner and then that guy had to skate around the ice holding the Stanley Cup.

Speaker 4 The videos that we would get out of the falls would be all time.

Speaker 1 It would be incredible. Okay, speaking of owners, Segway.
How are you feeling about Dan Snyder and Roger Goodell going in front of... Who do you go in front of? A Congress? Who do you go?

Speaker 1 Yes, Congress. Congress.
Here's what I'm saying.

Speaker 4 A bunch of clowns in Congress that were trying to make names for themselves.

Speaker 1 I was hopeful.

Speaker 4 I was hopeful when I heard, when the news was announced that Roger Goodell was going to testify under oath, I was like, oh, that's going to be good.

Speaker 4 But like everything else in my life with Dan Snyder, I'm just resigned to the fact that he's going to be stuck on my ass like a dirty, hairy mole. Yes.
Until I die. And he's going to outlive me.

Speaker 4 And then my kids will probably be also outlived by Dan Snyder's children, who will inherit the team, and we're going to go 5-11, excuse me, 5-12 for the next 150 years.

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 5-13. We're going 18.
We're going 18 games. We're going 18 games.

Speaker 4 Nothing really new came to light. There was, well, before the testimony, there was another report that came out of a settlement that Snyder made with a former employee.

Speaker 4 He's just, he's not going anywhere.

Speaker 1 I'm just, I've got one.

Speaker 4 I've got my straw. I still am down to one straw.
And it's a pathetic, tiny, chewed-up looking straw. It's one of the paper straws that's been inside a margarita for like two hours.

Speaker 4 It's dissolving, but I'm not going to.

Speaker 1 No, it's nothing.

Speaker 4 Nothing good is going to happen.

Speaker 1 And the thing that always shocks me, because I know people were mad at Goodell

Speaker 1 because he was like,

Speaker 1 I can't oust Dan Snyder. People are like, you're the commissioner.

Speaker 1 The commissioner, Roger Dell was doing exactly what all the owners wanted him to do yesterday, and that was to sit in front of Congress, take bullets, and look like a buffoon because his job is to be the shield for them, and they are his boss, not the other way.

Speaker 1 I think sometimes people get confused and be like, Roger Goodell is the boss of the owner. No, no, no, the owners own him, and he owns the players.

Speaker 4 Yeah, it's actually genius what the NFL has done by setting it up this way.

Speaker 4 Because if you want to get the real answers of why Snyder is still an owner, you have to get 31 rich guys into a room at the same time and women and ask them

Speaker 4 and Mark Davis.

Speaker 4 And you ask them,

Speaker 4 why is this guy not not fired yet?

Speaker 1 And they are all like, well, we don't have all the right information. And the real answer is, well, one, he knows where all the bodies are buried.

Speaker 1 And two, he's an idiot, and we like having an idiot sit at the poker table. Yeah, it's great.
That's like, that's pretty much the honest truth about all of this.

Speaker 4 Like, he is the mark.

Speaker 1 You think Jerry Jones wants Jeffrey Bezos owning the fucking Washington Commanders?

Speaker 4 Hell no. Dude, Jerry Jones loves Dan Snyder.
Yes. And he immediately cozied up to Dan Snyder because he's very manipulatable.
Is that a word? Yep.

Speaker 1 Manipulatable. Facts.
Hank.

Speaker 4 Did I pronounce that right? Facts.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 4 Okay, thank you.

Speaker 4 And yeah, he likes having that mark there in the division. It used to be their biggest rival.
Why wouldn't you?

Speaker 4 By having Dan Snyder around, now he doesn't think about the Washington Commanders anymore. Yes.
So Snyder's never going to sell the team.

Speaker 4 I'm going to die unhappy with my football legacy, and that's kind of where we stand at part of my take. Yeah.

Speaker 1 All right. Other news.
Let's stick with football. Tech also lied about not knowing Dave.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 He could get, that would be an incredible story if he went to jail for that.

Speaker 10 He should.

Speaker 1 He perjured himself.

Speaker 1 Yeah, which Roger Goodell going to jail because he lied about not knowing Dave Portnoy would be an all-timer. You know, it'd be funny.

Speaker 4 Roger Goodell should have been like, yeah, you know, after looking through the last several months of what's been happening with the Commanders, I've decided to

Speaker 4 fire, to suspend, to remove Tanya Snyder as owner of the Washington Commanders, and we're bringing back Dan Snyder.

Speaker 1 That's real change.

Speaker 2 I don't even think I saw this guy brought up, but Dave won the charity auction, which he then, you know, shut down.

Speaker 1 Correct.

Speaker 2 He's basically acknowledging that he never knew

Speaker 1 he was was offering he should be locked up a seat for charity yeah lock him up lock him up lock him up um yeah so the other football news is texas is back arch manning has uh made his decision i love i just love college football fan bases so much because obviously texas fans are very excited i also just took like a quick look around the internet and and there's a lot of people coping being like he's not going to play for them like you think that you think that's actually his final decision i don't know yeah i yes i do well i do think it is Arch Manning's going to get on campus and be like, whoa, Quinn Ewers.

Speaker 4 I didn't know he was going to be here. You never told me about that.
Okay, I guess I will go to Ole Miss.

Speaker 1 And then there were a lot of people who were like, yeah, Arch Manning's a bust. He just has a good last name.
Okay.

Speaker 4 I'm kind of in that train, but just because, just for the takes. Yeah.
You got to zig when everybody else zags, and he hasn't shown me that much of an arm.

Speaker 4 He's like running over little kids in his high school games. But it's a good move, I think, for Arch Manning.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 I think if you look at the choices that he had, Georgia would have been a good choice too.

Speaker 1 He had no bad choices. This is to be honest.

Speaker 4 This is like, Austin is a fucking awesome city. It's a great place for a college kid to be, and he gets to

Speaker 4 play in the SEC, build up his own name in a massive college football town that has nothing to do with either his dad or his two uncles.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I like it. Yeah, because if he goes to Tennessee, if he goes to Ole Miss, if he goes, like, you know, there's a lot of expectations and everything feels a little bit more heightened.

Speaker 1 Now he gets to go to Austin and they might not be in the SEC by the time.

Speaker 9 Like,

Speaker 1 I think it's 2025 or 26, but I assume Texas and Oklahoma will be in the SEC before the Big 12 deal is up. Either way, I would imagine he's going to play at least a season in the SEC.

Speaker 1 And that had to have played into it that Texas is now part of the SEC when he made his decision.

Speaker 4 He's probably not going to start his freshman year because they do have, they've got a stacked quarterback room ahead of them.

Speaker 1 So he's probably starting. I don't think he's going to be fucking stud.

Speaker 4 Quinn Ewers, I think, is going to be starting when Arch Manning is a freshman there. They're probably going to redshirt him, but I'm already looking forward to 2025 Texas at Ohio State.
Yes.

Speaker 4 Arch Manning will be the quarterback. I'm pretty excited about that game.

Speaker 1 Hell yes.

Speaker 1 Put on the calendar. Put on the big calendar

Speaker 4 on that one. It's going to be sick.
But yeah, I think it's a good move for Arch Manning. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, again, he had no bad options.

Speaker 4 Did you see the picture of the entire Manning family out to dinner the other night that Eli tweeted out?

Speaker 1 Did you see Peyton's eyes? He had my eyes.

Speaker 4 I think Eli photoshop.

Speaker 4 I think if you zoom in on his eyes, he used the pen tool to make his eyes black yeah on him it's pretty sick but the uh it's just the main family country club they're all wearing the exact same shirt with the same logo same shorts same khakis they're like if the bush family was just a dynasty and selling like really expensive life insurance yeah vineyard vines yeah they started vineyard vines that's that's exactly what that is um and then last

Speaker 1 uh which is not surprising whatsoever kyrie irving wants to get out of brooklyn who could have seen this one coming wow back to

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Funniest places for him to go. Boston one, Lakers two.

Speaker 1 Lakers one. Yeah, Lakers.
Cleveland three?

Speaker 4 Lakers would be very funny.

Speaker 1 Lakers won, Boston two, Cleveland three.

Speaker 2 I think Knicks would be good, too.

Speaker 1 Just because he'd be here. Also, it'd be funny if he went to like Sacramento.
That would be good.

Speaker 2 That'd be the smartest thing for him to do.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Charlotte.
Yeah. Charlotte.
He would look good in Charlotte.

Speaker 4 He would. I mean, anybody looks good in those colors, I think.

Speaker 1 And then now KD, too,

Speaker 1 it feels like that could be up in the air because the report was that he's closely monitoring the situation.

Speaker 1 I think KD will be on the Nets this year, and then next year is when he'll be like, I'm out.

Speaker 4 That means KD is just like refreshing Twitter at a faster pace than usual. Yes.
He's closely, he's paying attention to every move.

Speaker 1 He should just go back to the Warriors. He should come on and talk about it.
He should come on and talk about it. We just continue to get Alfred.
But you know what? At this point,

Speaker 1 KD, do you think KD is afraid to come on the podcast because of the fact that we're the number one sports podcast and he's got a little bit of a reputation of joining the best.

Speaker 1 He doesn't, that's that's what I was saying.

Speaker 4 We have to win something before he gets up.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we haven't won anything yet. It feels like that might be why he's avoiding us.

Speaker 4 I think that it's new media, big cat. You just don't understand new media.

Speaker 1 It's like me and actually, me and Big Cat are new media.

Speaker 4 Yeah. Hank's old media.

Speaker 4 Like all these executives don't understand what the kids are doing these days. Draymond actually told Scott Van Pelt, I'm new media.
You're old media.

Speaker 4 I don't, I actually fail to see where the line is drawn there.

Speaker 1 Yeah, new media. I think new media is just players having podcasts, but I don't know.

Speaker 4 Which is awesome.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's great. But sometimes.
There's some players that have podcasts that don't say anything because they don't want to.

Speaker 4 Well, I'm happy that they're able to have a podcast so that they can walk a mile in our shoes, see how hard it is. Correct.
Like, step into the arena, KD. Yeah.

Speaker 4 KD is like, he's kind of the skip baylist for. for bloggers and podcasters where he sits there and just takes cheap shots at us all day long.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Thinks he's better than ever.

Speaker 4 Step into the arena and prove yourself.

Speaker 1 Please. We'd love to have you.

Speaker 4 Jake has already turned down Kyrie Irving to the net or to the heat.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's not heat culture. It's not the culture.
No, come on. I'd be shocked.
I'd be shocked. Yeah, no, that's not heat culture.
Okay, let's get to our interview.

Speaker 1 We have Matt Fitzpatrick, who just won the U.S. Open and broke our hearts.
Very funny interview in studio.

Speaker 1 And after him, we have one of my favorite Mount Rushmores that we've ever done with Joey and Pat, the Mount Rushmore of Straight Things That Are low-key gay.

Speaker 1 And we will finish up with Firefest after all of that. PFT, you had a quick ad.
Yep.

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Speaker 1 Okay, we now welcome on a very special guest. It is U.S.
Open champion with the trophy, Matt Fitzpatrick in studio.

Speaker 1 First of all, congrats. Thank you.
Incredible. Do you want to do the hard questions or the easy questions first?

Speaker 11 Let's do the hard ones.

Speaker 1 Okay, so you ruined my son's third birthday on Sunday.

Speaker 1 And I was thinking about it. So we had a lot of money on Will,

Speaker 1 and you completely ruined it for us. Yeah, so like tears, everything.

Speaker 1 He'll forever remember how horrible his birthday was because of you. Um, I was thinking about it.
Maybe you just give us the trophy.

Speaker 1 If you give us a trophy, I think we can say we'll. I'll get you a replica.
Okay. I'll get you a replica.

Speaker 11 Okay. That'll make up for it.
Yeah. That's my gift to him.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 For his birthday.

Speaker 1 It was a thrilling tournament, obviously incredible, like the shots you made.

Speaker 1 Have you replayed the 15th hole in your head yet? Where it's like you obviously had a T-shot that wasn't the best, but you get a great lie.

Speaker 1 And it's like, you know, you played great, but you also had those moments that, you know, the ball went your way.

Speaker 11 Yeah, yeah. And it is funny.
I mentioned it a few times that this year I feel like I've had a couple of chances to win and do well and just not have the luck.

Speaker 11 And I think kind of that said it all. I actually said to my caddy when we got up there, I was like, this makes a nice change.
Yeah.

Speaker 11 So yeah, it definitely... you know, definitely got lucky and managed to take advantage of it.

Speaker 4 Yeah, so your caddy, it was a big story.

Speaker 4 It was his first first major championship win you guys obviously have a good relationship i saw some of the clips behind the scenes of him telling you to like speed up uh when you're out there playing

Speaker 4 you guys obviously get along really really well together that's great i'm curious to know what the what the process is like for selecting a new caddy is it word of mouth is it somebody just like suggests him to you or you guys like have a couple pints in the bar and you hit it off and then you you know you drunkenly plan like yeah i need you on my back yeah i got you there's a few different ways i mean um

Speaker 11 what the way that me and Billy ended up working together, he'd split with his last player. I'd split with my last caddy.
Just kind of coincided.

Speaker 11 We could work together basically. But

Speaker 11 there's loads of different ways. You know, you go out with guys and

Speaker 11 think, oh, well, you know, he's a really good caddy. And some players end up poaching that caddie.

Speaker 11 Or it's kind of, you know, you're set up by other caddies who your friends work for.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 11 so, yeah, it's a range of different ways. But for me and and Billy, it was just

Speaker 11 the timing was just really convenient.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it was an incredible moment because I, you know, obviously you win it and you have emotion, but he had double the emotion.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and

Speaker 1 I mean, were you just so happy?

Speaker 1 I would assume, obviously, you're happy for yourself because it's an incredible career achievement, but was there a part of you that's like, thank God that he's finally won one?

Speaker 11 Yeah, I mean, I think that's what he's definitely saying. Yeah, yeah.
He, uh,

Speaker 11 it was just, I think it was just,

Speaker 11 it's been like his thing for so long. Um and he never really talks about it, doesn't really talk about it often.

Speaker 11 He had a moment a few years ago well, yeah, quite a few years ago now, where it's kind of in his players' hands and and and it didn't go the right way. Yeah.

Speaker 11 Um and Billy said himself I saw in an interview he's given since, he said that he ended up crying basically all the way home.

Speaker 11 Uh it was like a drive home and he was he was just in tears on the way home. He was he was just devastated.
Um So for me to be the person that wins it and he's on the bag is

Speaker 11 pretty awesome.

Speaker 1 Now, the other shot that we have to talk about, that shot from the bunker in 18th. So when you hit the T-shot, are you like, oh man, I fucked this up?

Speaker 1 Was that going through your head? Like, God damn it.

Speaker 11 I just said to the Four Play Boys that

Speaker 11 all week me and Billy had a bit of a disagreement on the 18th T-shot.

Speaker 11 I wanted to hit driver, and he thought three would but we you know he went with my opinion and and that was fine and for three of the the first three days i played it in two over par which is pretty pretty shitty right um get to 18 sunday and i've got a one-shot lead and he's like uh i think it's three wood i'm like

Speaker 11 okay i'll i'll go with it you know i'll and i change i changed my mind and but i was i was 100 committed to the shot like i i bought into it and it was the right club and um i just didn't hit a good shot and and i was just like praying for a good good lie when I was on the way.

Speaker 1 So, wait, so you're saying, like, if that, if that goes against you, right, and you don't hit that unbelievable shot from the bunker, Billy Foster is, he's, he's crying again in his car because it's the three wood that was.

Speaker 1 Quite possibly. Yeah, like possibly.
That's incredible. So then when you get to the bunker, I mean, that was an insane, insane shot.

Speaker 1 Did you, like, when you hit it, were you like, I got that?

Speaker 1 That was exactly what I wanted.

Speaker 11 As soon as I hit it, I was like, literally,

Speaker 11 I was like, thank God, that was unbelievable. It came out perfectly, and

Speaker 11 everything about it was perfect. It was always moving towards the flag, and it always always had enough.
I knew it was always had enough distance.

Speaker 11 But before it,

Speaker 11 I wasn't actually

Speaker 11 shitting myself before I hit it, but like, it's not a shot that I particularly enjoy. It's not a shot that I've hit well this year.
I've not got a good track record with it.

Speaker 11 And to have it when I needed something the most

Speaker 11 wasn't really appealing. Yeah.
So to hit the shot that I did, yeah, it meant the world.

Speaker 1 And now, did you think that Will was going to miss the putt? Because

Speaker 1 I'm a terrible gambler, so I was like, it's over. And then it was just more painful than I even imagined with how close it was.

Speaker 1 But to be honest, like in your heart of heart, were you like, I think I got this?

Speaker 11 I'm a numbers guy, and on the screen it said there's a 25% chance. Okay.
And I would give him 50% chance on that day because

Speaker 11 I thought he put it well that day.

Speaker 1 Not by my analytics, but we don't have to go into that.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 11 so

Speaker 11 I genuinely thought 50-50. I would say I thought 50-50 because I just like, I thought he'd putted well all day.
I thought, you know, he'd hit a great shot in there.

Speaker 11 He saw my ball, and I gave him a good line.

Speaker 11 And I was shocked that it didn't turn more. I thought my putt I hit was a really good putt because I had that putt back in 2013 when I played the US amateur there.

Speaker 11 And I seem to remember it moving a lot.

Speaker 11 And after it didn't move as much as I thought. So, yeah, when it stayed high, I was pretty...

Speaker 4 Yeah, so walk me through what happens because you want to be polite. Golf is a sport of manners, right? So he's putting to send it to a playoff, to a two-hole playoff.

Speaker 4 You're watching him hit this putt. You want him to miss.
You want to win the U.S. Open.
But at the same time, you have to think to yourself, like,

Speaker 4 I can't celebrate too much if it looks like it's not going in, right? So what was going through your head?

Speaker 4 How did you, did you even think about suppressing how happy you needed to be when you missed that putt?

Speaker 11 Yeah, Billy said to me, you know, be prepared for three extra holes. And I kind of...

Speaker 1 Wasn't it two?

Speaker 11 Yeah, two. So I bad.

Speaker 1 Yeah, okay.

Speaker 1 You really had two. We were like,

Speaker 1 you finished the two holes. You're like, all right, let's go.
Yeah, let's go.

Speaker 1 No, no, no. One more.

Speaker 1 He cooled you up.

Speaker 4 He was like, just

Speaker 11 like, be ready. Yeah, just be ready, you know, to play.

Speaker 11 And part of me, me, again, I'll be honest, like 20% of me was like, yeah, you know, you're absolutely right. But 80% of me is like,

Speaker 11 I think that's it.

Speaker 11 And it's a weird feeling because obviously you're watching, it's in someone else's hands now all of a sudden to make or break it. And

Speaker 11 the putt missed. And of course, I didn't want to start running around fist pumping everywhere.
I kind of turned to Billy and say, you know,

Speaker 11 you probably see me on the broadcast. I was like going, Billy, Billy.
And he was already

Speaker 11 blubbering or whatever. And Billy tells a lot of great stories about his old boss, Sevi Balasteros, one of the golfing legends.
And he always, Billy always, always says what Seve used to say was,

Speaker 11 you son of my beat, son of my bitch.

Speaker 11 And I went over to him and I went,

Speaker 11 Billy, Billy. And he's like, still.

Speaker 11 And I'm like, we did it. You son of my bitch.

Speaker 11 So it was,

Speaker 11 yeah, when it out, I gave him a hug and then went and made sure I shook Will's hand and his caddie's hand and

Speaker 11 And then after that that was it. It was like all hell broke

Speaker 1 incredible.

Speaker 4 Yeah, what a moment for you like that's your your whole life I would imagine has been leading up to a moment like that Yeah, I can only imagine like the the outpouring of emotion that you have yeah I it feels 10 million times better than I ever thought it would and

Speaker 11 So after I shook Will's hand, I went to find my family.

Speaker 11 My brother walked past me to go and shake Will's hand my dad walked past me to go and shake

Speaker 1 that if i was will i would be so mad

Speaker 4 jake would definitely do that we've got a guy on the podcast

Speaker 11 and then i saw my mum first and and she wasn't crying which i was kind of well kind of which was surprising she's like i'm finally proud of you and then

Speaker 11 and then i come back and my brother's like bawling and that kind of set me off and then like gave my dad a hug and that set me off a bit more and uh that that was kind of when i was like

Speaker 1 we we did it yeah

Speaker 1 so you're also in the history books because you were we heard it all day all day on Sunday that obviously you'd won the amateur in 2013 at the same place the only other person to do the same course amateur and US Open is you and Jack Nclaus and it's it's crazy how much of like your familiarity with the course played into you being able to win this tournament uh massive yeah I just feel like because I had success there before I just felt I did feel like really confident throughout the whole week.

Speaker 11 I just felt I was so comfortable where I needed to go, what shots to hit.

Speaker 11 And I think that, yeah, I honestly think that helped massively.

Speaker 1 Because it's one of those things is viewers, they beat that storyline into the ground.

Speaker 1 Oh, by Friday. Yeah, so we're like...

Speaker 11 Yeah, did you guess that I won the USA? You probably never mentioned it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so we're thinking, like, did this actually help? But to hear you say it, like, it absolutely helps.

Speaker 11 No,

Speaker 11 genuinely did, I think, because,

Speaker 11 you know, knowing knowing that I was saying to someone else, like, that hitting shots around other golf courses we play where I've maybe not, I might have played well, but never won round, and

Speaker 11 there's still shots where you sort of have a bit, you're a bit intimidated by it. It's like, I don't feel comfortable with this, but

Speaker 11 there wasn't one shot out there that I felt intimidated by other than the 11th hole, and that is the only hole we didn't play in the U.S. amateur.

Speaker 1 Oh, the part three. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 4 You were intimidated by it, even though it's like the shortest hole in the game.

Speaker 11 Love wedge sandwich sandwich. Love wedge sandwich, gatwich, sandwich.

Speaker 1 So you had no idea what was going on. No, I played it in three over par.
Oh, wow.

Speaker 11 So, yeah, I was sucked on that hole.

Speaker 4 Yeah. I got to admit, like, when you hit that drive at 18, though, I celebrated.

Speaker 1 I was so happy you were in that bunker.

Speaker 4 I was like, I fucking did it. I finally hit a golf future.

Speaker 1 Lily Z is going to bring it home. I gave my son his birthday present.
Yeah, I said that moment. Then I took it away.

Speaker 4 I think I said all-time choke job. I think I said that out loud.

Speaker 2 Nice.

Speaker 4 And then you came and hit. Would you say that's an iconic shot out of the bunker?

Speaker 11 I've been told that, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's iconic. They should name the bunker after you.

Speaker 11 Yeah, there's going to be a nice plaque. No, I don't.

Speaker 1 I don't know if that feels like that. Did you thank the patrons for trampling down the grass there on the 15th?

Speaker 11 No, I actually had someone just place it onto a nice bit of grass.

Speaker 11 I actually feel bad because I'm like always shout for, always shout for. I didn't realize how far right it had gone.

Speaker 11 No one said it hit them, so yeah.

Speaker 1 We were bitter, and it was uh, because it is one of those things. Like, I think if you talk to any champion of the you know, U.S.

Speaker 1 Open or any major champion, like you have to be great, but you also have to get a couple lucky bounces.

Speaker 1 That's just part of the game, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you got one, so yeah, it's pretty much illegal, and you should give us this trophy or give it to Willie Z.

Speaker 4 So, here's another hard question for you. The story goes, according to my good friend Paul Bissinette, he's a hockey guy, but he gave me some golf background to ask you about.

Speaker 4 The story goes that you added 30 yards to your drive recently.

Speaker 11 Pretty much, yeah.

Speaker 4 So did you pass the piss test?

Speaker 11 Yeah, I did. I did one Wells Fargo, which was middle of May, so pass.
I'm good to go, Cliff.

Speaker 1 So what was one cycle ago?

Speaker 1 Okay, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm just eyeballing you down, right?

Speaker 4 You look like you're a steroid user.

Speaker 1 You got veins popping up.

Speaker 1 How'd you do it, though? How did you how did you add that to the

Speaker 11 just a

Speaker 11 it's like a golf club with special weights called the stack. It's like got different weights on it.
You can change them.

Speaker 11 Uh uh you follow an app program it's like going to the gym but for for like swinging it faster um done it for quite like year and a half now and uh yeah it's made a massive difference oh wow you're like a batting donut for baseball is that is that what it is yeah yeah yeah

Speaker 1 on deck circle they put a big weight on it so that the bat feels lighter yeah when you're in the box yeah

Speaker 4 here's another tough question on a par four if there's no water and you're just hitting putter the entire time, how many shots, if it's a 420-yard par four, do I get to tee it up on the first shot?

Speaker 1 Yeah, well, I go putter off the deck, but that's me.

Speaker 4 I'm built different. Well, you can do whatever you want.

Speaker 11 I'm going to tear up. Okay.
I'm going to take advantage of that. I'm probably making an

Speaker 1 eight.

Speaker 4 Eight. Okay, that's what I said I could do, too.

Speaker 1 So you and I. I'm going to go for just one U.S.
Open.

Speaker 1 He could do an eight as well. I think I could do an eight.
Yeah, we'll tie.

Speaker 11 Yeah. And then we go to playoff.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 11 And then we use real clubs.

Speaker 4 Yeah, I'm going to do steroids beforehand, so I'll probably outdrive you.

Speaker 1 Can I count this? So I'm a Big Ten guy. Can I count this for a Big Ten championship? Absolutely.
Even though

Speaker 1 you did one quarter at North Monster?

Speaker 11 That counts, though, right? Three months enough. Okay.
One day's enough.

Speaker 1 All right, so that's a Big Ten championship. Yeah.
Done. Okay, I like that because that's a little solace in the fact that I lost all that money on Willie Z.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you really hurt us. You really hurt us.
Deeply. I think I might have said on Sunday show.

Speaker 11 I'll say sorry, but I'm not sorry.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think I said on Sunday's show that someone from England shouldn't be able to win the U.S. Open.
I was lashing out.

Speaker 11 That's serious.

Speaker 11 I understand that.

Speaker 1 I understand that.

Speaker 4 Would you trade this in for a claret jug?

Speaker 1 Oh, good question, PFT.

Speaker 11 Oh, wow, that's a great question.

Speaker 1 Thank you.

Speaker 11 No, I wouldn't.

Speaker 1 Oh, because we have a claret jug back here. We're going to see if you're going to be able to get it.

Speaker 4 It means more because you took it back from the U.S. It's like revenge for 1776.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's what it is. It's coming home.

Speaker 11 Yes, precisely.

Speaker 11 That's probably the only thing that might come home.

Speaker 1 Yeah, how would you rank them, though? Like,

Speaker 1 is the Masters.

Speaker 11 I always have a tough time, really, because

Speaker 11 I've always felt the US Open was the one that I had the most chance over because it was always the toughest. It was always thick, rough, tight golf courses, and that kind of suits my game more.

Speaker 11 But

Speaker 11 going back to Augusta every year, playing the Masters every year, there's just something special about it. So I always tended to rank that number one.
Yeah.

Speaker 11 Then I would probably have to go US Open purely on this. on that my game I felt always fit there.
Yeah.

Speaker 11 And then Clara Chug, yeah. Okay.

Speaker 1 And then PJ.

Speaker 4 There was a there was a putt that you hit. I want to say it was on 16.
It was the one that was going downhill, the fastest putt of all time.

Speaker 11 Oh, on 17. On 17.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 11 It was the fastest putt of all time, too.

Speaker 4 It might have been. Because you touched it.
You barely even tapped it. How do you even putt that? It looked to me like the thought process on your end was just touch the ball as lightly as possible.

Speaker 11 It was. It was.
Because throughout the day, I'd already hit so many puts, like five foot past, and I missed the comeback.

Speaker 11 And my cadu was already freaking out at that time like what are you doing and uh on that one in particular given the situation i was like just just

Speaker 11 get it down there just literally just touch it and um yeah i was happy to see it like go to to two inches and just tap it in and go to the 18.

Speaker 11 see that's what i love about the us open sometimes we root for the course at the u.s open i'm a big fan of that i love that okay yeah i love that i i love playing golf courses that are just insanely hard and just you know it's just a grind was there ever any moment though you were playing and you're like oh come on like give me a chance why are you doing this there what there was two and i don't know if i can't remember if it was sunday no it was saturday there was two pin positions one on 13 and one on number nine and they were like they were like on slopes and i was like that's i i love the usga like 2018 shinnecock was unbelievable when everyone was complaining about the golf course yeah

Speaker 11 And I loved it there. I thought the golf course was so good and the setup was great.
But those ones on Saturday Saturday were a little bit suspect. They were like kind of

Speaker 11 slanted at an angle.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
I read a headline that I was going to...

Speaker 1 You kind of duped me because there was a headline that basically said you called your ex-girlfriend before the U.S. Open and got perspective.

Speaker 11 No, no, that's not true. Oh, it isn't.
Not before the U.S. Open.
Oh, when was it?

Speaker 1 I didn't know.

Speaker 11 It literally says that, yeah. This was March.

Speaker 1 Okay, all right, because

Speaker 1 I was going to say you're for psycho for calling your ex-girlfriend, but then the actual story is that your ex-girlfriend has family in Ukraine and gave you perspective.

Speaker 1 So you kind of stole that joke from us.

Speaker 11 Yeah, that was,

Speaker 11 yeah, that was in March. That was.

Speaker 1 I wanted to be like desperate much, and then I kept reading the story, and it was like, yeah, some great perspectives. Well, that shows you.

Speaker 1 Like, God damn it, Matt. You beat us every which way.
Can't get one over on you. Sucks.

Speaker 1 Man.

Speaker 1 So, what's like now? Like, is this a launching off point? Like, is there, what's your next tournament?

Speaker 11 Are you playing I'm playing the Scottish Open in two weeks. Okay.
Yeah, so I've got two weeks off. I'll go back to the UK on Sunday.

Speaker 11 And yeah, just take it all in for the next few days and figure out what's next.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm happy you're celebrating for a while because I feel like there's a lot of times where guys win something and they're like, and they're like back on the other day off.

Speaker 11 This is a huge moment.

Speaker 11 I mean, I've got like, I'll enjoy this week and then I'll get back to try and practice the following week, but then I'll play two tournaments and then I actually do actually go on holiday, so I can properly celebrate then.

Speaker 4 That'll be great. How drunk did you get the night of?

Speaker 11 I had one sip of champagne. What?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 11 I was doing media till. I didn't, basically, my last bit of food was probably on like the 15th hole.

Speaker 1 What did you eat?

Speaker 11 Banana bread. Okay.

Speaker 11 And

Speaker 1 homemade? Yes. Whoa, who made it? Your mom? No, no.
No.

Speaker 11 No.

Speaker 11 No,

Speaker 11 we had a chef for the day.

Speaker 1 Okay, all right, all right, all right.

Speaker 11 Um,

Speaker 11 so that that was the last time I ate, and then like, I don't know what time that was, but like six hours later, I've still not eaten anything.

Speaker 11 Um, and I know full well, like, I am the biggest lightweight of all time, and I don't really drink anyway. So, I knew if I'd have had a drink, I'd have just been dead.
Yeah.

Speaker 11 Um, so yeah, I'm saving it for when I go on holiday.

Speaker 1 Okay, um, I had one last question.

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Speaker 1 When he won the Fortnite Open, and we asked him like when it when the cash actually hits your account. So, you won 3.15 million.
Has it hit your account yet? I don't know.

Speaker 1 You should check right now. Also, how many more zeros do you think you'd have in that if it was a live U.S.
Open that you won?

Speaker 1 Just something to think about.

Speaker 11 Not sure. Don't care.

Speaker 1 Is this guy from USGA? Yeah, he just gave me a look like you motherfuckers. Shut up.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you got to check your account.

Speaker 1 Max, I think,

Speaker 1 it hadn't hit him. And it texted us when it did.

Speaker 11 I think sometimes. Well, PJ Tour, I think, is normally played on like a Tuesday, and it is a Tuesday.

Speaker 1 Yeah. You got direct deposits.
You're not refreshing that.

Speaker 1 It's not hit. Oh, sorry.

Speaker 4 Get out of here.

Speaker 2 Sorry, sorry.

Speaker 1 Have fun being poor.

Speaker 1 I would just be refreshing that forever. Just like

Speaker 1 hitting the refresh.

Speaker 4 Do you have anything that you want to buy once it hits?

Speaker 11 No.

Speaker 11 No, not off the top.

Speaker 4 See, I don't like you because you're too likable. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You're too nice. No, I don't like you either.
I do not like you. You're too nice.

Speaker 11 I ruined your kid's birthday.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you did.

Speaker 11 No, I get it. It's fine.
I'm serious.

Speaker 1 So, whatever you want to give to me off that money when it hits.

Speaker 4 It was Father's Day.

Speaker 9 Yeah, it was Father's Day as well.

Speaker 1 Yes. Oh, yeah.
Oh, no. It was.
Listen, I told the story on the show on Sunday, but I had to give a speech.

Speaker 1 We had family over for my son's birthday. I had to give a speech to everyone right around the 14th hole.
Where I was like, listen, everyone lock in. Like, it's Will Zalatoris.

Speaker 11 Yeah, yeah. The good news is, though, my dad had a good father's day.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he did.

Speaker 1 The problem is, my dad just likes sports. So he was like, you hit a shot.
I can't remember when. He was like, wow, what a shot.
And I was like, shut up.

Speaker 1 Shut the fuck up. Like, we're Will's Alatorus guys today.

Speaker 1 Like, you want to be in a good retirement home or a bad one? Figure it out.

Speaker 1 But yeah, this is been great. We appreciate it.
You've taken a little sting off of it. We appreciate it.

Speaker 1 We actually, no joke, so when we're booking Peggy, who books a lot of our guests, great. She's a great part of the team.
She texted us on Sunday and was like, Do you guys want Matt Fitzpatrick?

Speaker 1 And I think I said hell no. And then after like an hour, we're like, all right, well, actually, yeah, we should do this.
Yeah, I said, I think, I'll pull the text up.

Speaker 1 I think I should have gotten down. I was so mad.
I was so mad.

Speaker 1 No sign.

Speaker 1 Let's see. I get him out of here.

Speaker 4 I think Big Cat said hell no. And then I said, well, he did just win the U.S.
Open.

Speaker 1 So maybe.

Speaker 4 I'm going to say yes reluctantly.

Speaker 1 You're going to drag us to it. But no, this has been a fantastic interview.
So

Speaker 1 we appreciate it. And congratulations.

Speaker 11 Thank you. Thanks.

Speaker 1 Congrats. Are you a Fitzy? Did they call you a Fitzy? Okay,

Speaker 11 I've got a few nicknames here.

Speaker 1 Fitzmagic?

Speaker 11 FitzMagic. I'll take that.

Speaker 1 Okay. All right, you can have it.
We lost our Fitzmagic. Okay.

Speaker 1 Can you grow a beard?

Speaker 11 No.

Speaker 4 Maybe not a Fitzmagic.

Speaker 11 No chance. No chance.

Speaker 1 No chance. Thanks, Pat.
Appreciate it, man. Thanks.

Speaker 1 Give it up for Chicago.

Speaker 14 Sebastian Maniscalco's new stand-up special, It Ain't Right, is coming to Hulu on November 21st.

Speaker 1 30 years ago, Jeff Bezos, complete nerd. Bezos now ripped to shreds on his super yacht, and the boxes keep coming.

Speaker 14 Sebastian Maniscalco, It Ain't Right, premieres November 21st, streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers. Terms apply.

Speaker 1 Okay, Mount Rushmore time. We have our good friends, colleagues, Joey and Pat, out and about.

Speaker 1 Out and about podcast. Go subscribe right now.
Tremendously hilarious guys. They've been doing like an incredible whirlwind.
They were on Andy Cohen.

Speaker 1 We got the Pride Parade on Sunday, which I think I'm, as long as I don't have to walk, I'm in.

Speaker 4 So if I can be...

Speaker 1 We can get you a wheelchair. No, I'm in.
We can get you a jazzy chair. Just say the word.
I want to be in the truck. You can be in the truck.
Yes, go to a a scooter. I'm in for the scooter guys.

Speaker 1 I'm in for the pride parade. I also, before we get into this, I wanted to,

Speaker 1 we're doing this thing where we're just going to see how many times after the NBA Finals we can bring up the NBA Finals to make Hank mad. I love the NBA Finals.
So, Pat is a huge Celtics fan.

Speaker 1 What do you think about the Celtics going forward?

Speaker 15 I mean, we gave going forward, I mean, we would have to get through Brooklyn again if Kyrie stays there. We'd have to get through Milwaukee again.

Speaker 15 Those are the two Celtics.

Speaker 1 So are you high or low on this young core? I'm high on them. I'm high on them.

Speaker 15 I mean, we gave him the series, right? Experience beats youth in that situation. But we've now gained experience, so maybe next year we go back and we win.

Speaker 4 And, Joey, what are your thoughts on the Celtics?

Speaker 1 Well, I have a quite different opinion.

Speaker 1 Of the Celtics? Yeah. Of the Celtics or the Balls?

Speaker 1 You made that up. Trademark.
I made that up. You did trademark that.
I like the green team. I didn't think any hot.
I didn't like anyone.

Speaker 15 You liked Jason Tatum.

Speaker 1 I like Jason Tatum. That was the only reason I watched that one.

Speaker 15 And Pritchard, that little, the bottom, the white guy for the family.

Speaker 1 I like Luca Donne. I like

Speaker 1 Luca Donic. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Luca Donic, yeah. I don't care what team he's.
I like that team, whatever he's on. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's actually very good looking. That's what I like.
Have you seen the new pop gun? Yeah, you don't think so? No, no, but I just sang that song. Welcome to the danger zone.

Speaker 4 I'm curious to hear your thoughts on the dogfight football, how that stacks up to the dogfight volleyball.

Speaker 9 You know,

Speaker 1 I've been very into dogfight football for many years.

Speaker 4 Play offense and defense.

Speaker 1 Well, he's been a vocal supporter for many years.

Speaker 1 Wait, you don't think Luca's attractive? No. The hair? I don't want

Speaker 15 that gross Eastern European face.

Speaker 1 That tattoos looks good.

Speaker 15 You know, he's an okay-looking guy. There's just much better options.
In the whole NBA, there's much better options.

Speaker 1 Okay, so

Speaker 1 I like Brooklyn Nets because I like Brooklyn Nets. You know why? Because I've been frequenting the joint, and they have a great setup.
The food there is really good. Carbone, right?

Speaker 1 Carbone's downstairs. Love that.
And the Crown Club there.

Speaker 15 I left a cigarette in the bathroom at the Crown Club there.

Speaker 1 Which is a drunk. Yeah.
And I tipped the waitress. Like, I was like, like, Rockefeller.
The food's great there. There's great seats there.

Speaker 1 The store, the little boutique they have, has all different costumes and outfits to buy. Yep.
Love that store.

Speaker 1 So that's the Nets are my team. Okay.
Because I like going to the

Speaker 1 place. Yeah, it's a CNB scene place.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay, so last question before we do our Mount Rushmore. We're going to do the Mount Rushmore of straight things that are low-key gay, which I think I'm very excited for.

Speaker 1 I think it's going to be very funny.

Speaker 1 Pride month overall.

Speaker 1 What's your guys' stance on everyone changing their,

Speaker 1 like all the brands changing their logos? I saw the Yankees did it today, and everyone got very upset. Well, I think that.
Oh, sorry.

Speaker 15 Trish, well, I was just going to say it's interesting because I didn't notice part of my take logo had been changed.

Speaker 15 Which is actually good because that means you're not pandering.

Speaker 1 No, we did. We are.
So

Speaker 1 you're more of an ally.

Speaker 4 If you look at our logo year-round, I'm giving Big Cat a big old hug.

Speaker 1 True. How did you end up that shade

Speaker 1 of gray?

Speaker 1 I don't know. Yeah,

Speaker 4 there's a few different shades that I have. He gets swarthy in the summertime.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and look, the other one, the other logo, you don't really know where PFT's hand is, and I'm holding a hot dog. I'm actually

Speaker 13 low. I'm fisting him.

Speaker 1 Oh, right. And I have a hot dog.
So, about what you're saying, to piggyback on what you just said, Uncle Dan,

Speaker 1 I think that it's...

Speaker 1 I think obviously they're doing it to make sure that everyone knows that they're inclusive.

Speaker 1 But the fact that they're forced, I think companies are forced to do it now because if you don't do it, people will riot outside your place and say that you're anti-trans, anti-gay, you're anti-this.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 I think society forced it on people because if you don't put it up, that means that you hate everyone.

Speaker 15 You can celebrate it. We just don't want to see it.
I think it's fucked.

Speaker 1 I think no one should have it up. I think, you know, it should just be a thing that's known.
Don't be a fucking dickhead to people that aren't like you.

Speaker 1 It feels like we are on the path to that, though, where it's like, you know, even you think 10 years ago,

Speaker 1 you know, we're getting to a point where it's like... Pride Month doesn't have to be the big show because it's accepted everywhere.

Speaker 1 No one should have to have a big video coming out and say, you know, I have this. I don't care who the fuck you're fucking.
Just be a good person. Max.
By the way, I'm looking at that flag right now.

Speaker 1 Come on, guys. I know.

Speaker 1 Let's look at it, too. Damn.

Speaker 4 We had that since year one, I think.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 9 God damn.

Speaker 4 But yeah, what's companies like Raytheon and Lockheed Martin, like companies that build bombs? Like, we're going to make all our bombs in the rainbow flag this year for inclusivity.

Speaker 1 I think it's nice that everyone feels included, that the kids are feeling included, seeing how much clustering around it. I think the youth, I think that's what everyone's doing.

Speaker 1 The pride praise for the youth. All this gay shit's for the youth, because now we're too old and fucking bitter.
I don't care what the fuck's going on. Yeah, I was just going to go.

Speaker 1 Just don't just keep getting my way when I'm trying to shop.

Speaker 4 I've also noticed in the last like three years, four years, five years, whatever it is,

Speaker 4 that gay people in sports, it's kind of normal now, which is good. It used to be like a huge deal when like a former NBA player came out of the closet.

Speaker 1 It's like, whoa, holy shit.

Speaker 4 Can you believe this? Now it's like, yeah, we probably understand that, you know, somewhere between like five and 20% of people in major sports leagues are probably just like the rest of us.

Speaker 4 And I feel like teammates now have no problems if a gay person like comes out of the closet as a teammate. They're like, great, good, awesome.

Speaker 1 I just sent in Carl Nazip's DMs yesterday. Oh, really?

Speaker 15 And we just had.

Speaker 1 He read it. He left me on red.
Oh,

Speaker 1 he left me on red, too. He curved you? No, he read on it.
Every fucking gay in the world. When he came out, every queen came out the woodwork, following him, typing.

Speaker 15 And his boyfriend looks exactly like you thought his boyfriend was going to look. But we just had

Speaker 15 Gus Kenworthy on our show, and we played a game of pin the tail on the homo. Ooh.
So he got to ask three people

Speaker 15 sets of questions, try and figure out who here at Barstill was gay.

Speaker 1 Ultimately, it was Tommy Smokes. Tommy Smokes,

Speaker 15 Tommy Smokes. It was very fun.

Speaker 1 Very funny. Okay.
I like that. That is a fun game.
I was upset that I missed when you guys did the stool scenes, which was also very funny. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. That was fun.
Tammy said. Tremendously funny.

Speaker 4 Tammy Smokes would be a great drag name for it.

Speaker 1 Tammy Smokes. Yeah.
That's actually a good name. Slong cigarettes like Virginia Slims.
Maybe a Corella DeVille. In the horror.
Yeah. The 120s.
Yeah, yeah. All right.
So let's do it. So

Speaker 1 you guys are our guests. So we will let you decide the draft order.
So So

Speaker 1 it's Joey and Pat, it's PFT and I, and then it's Hank, Bubba, and Jake over there. So three teams.
So

Speaker 15 I tried to explain what a snake draft is to Joey. I thought it was a sex move, and I don't think I was very successful at it.
So, Joey, if we pick number one,

Speaker 15 then we have the last pick.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you pick one and five, six.

Speaker 1 So it would go six, yeah.

Speaker 4 One,

Speaker 1 six, seven you would have.

Speaker 4 It would go one, two, three.

Speaker 15 I don't think anyone's taking this, so I think we should go two.

Speaker 1 Okay, I think. And who would you like to go one?

Speaker 1 Them.

Speaker 1 Okay, so we'll go nice around the room. So that's the first thing.
I think it's going to be as creative. Hank, Jake, and

Speaker 1 Liam are going to go one. You guys are going to go two.
PFT and I will go three and four, wrap around, and then you guys will go.

Speaker 15 Use our good one first?

Speaker 9 Yes.

Speaker 15 We're hoping that we can buy

Speaker 15 this the second one down.

Speaker 1 This is a gamble. This is a gamble.
Give them the strategy.

Speaker 15 If you guys get the one that we have that we're going with second, I will be shocked.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 2 Go ahead. I would agree.
I feel like this is a pretty, pretty.

Speaker 1 Here come the excuses. I love cocks.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Fucking a man.

Speaker 2 So I should be doing this.

Speaker 1 Yeah, what did you think about Hank's tweet?

Speaker 15 Oh, boy, he said fucking a man. He was such an ally this month that he actually had sex with a man and tweeted about it.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 yeah, live tweet.

Speaker 1 Like a live camp, perhaps, next time.

Speaker 2 The one one that we're going with, we got to figure out our team name, Hubba. Hubba Marsh, is bodybuilding.

Speaker 2 Not like weightlifting, but like the actual spray tan. All you're doing is just focusing on getting your muscles as tight as you can, wearing the tight-thong bikinis.

Speaker 1 Flexing in the mirror, all that stuff. Yeah,

Speaker 1 those guys almost get too big. Like, it's weird.

Speaker 2 Like, there's nothing wrong with going to the gym and

Speaker 2 getting your fitness on, but like, when you're really just like

Speaker 2 flexing, spray tan the whole thing.

Speaker 4 You're analyzing different body parts. You're like, man, my legs look great.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Do this one.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and you're when you're when you're looking at your competition, like you're just checking them out. Yeah.
Like, oh, man, that guy's got great chest, great abs, great arms. Like, thank you.

Speaker 2 I wish I had his traps.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay. Well,

Speaker 1 we're going to turn it up a notch here, hey?

Speaker 15 Okay. Go with number two.
Why don't you read that out?

Speaker 1 Two words, gentlemen. Double penetration.
Oh, yeah. Rubbing, what, two dicks, one twat.

Speaker 1 Okay. Uh-huh.
That is. Rubbing your dicks.
That's a straight thing. That's straight.

Speaker 4 Oh, we DP'd this girl, bro.

Speaker 15 But both your dicks are together. That's the gayest thing you can do.

Speaker 1 I have a picture I pulled up. I'm like, did you mind showing them? You did turn it up to 11.

Speaker 1 Well, I wanted to make sure I had the right that you weren't confused about what the actual thing we were talking about. Air tirots.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 hair tight.

Speaker 4 Yeah, no, we were saying

Speaker 4 on last show, like, it is weird, though, how there's certain guys that are threesome guys.

Speaker 1 Yep, that would be on my

Speaker 1 list. You're literally fucking your friend's dick.
We're looking at a picture, and you guys are right. You're literally fucking your friend's dick inside of a warm crevasse.
A warm vagina koozie.

Speaker 4 Yes, spit roasting is like something that some straight guys are into.

Speaker 1 It's kind of weird. And

Speaker 1 that's an Eiffel Tower. The Eiffel Tower, yeah.

Speaker 15 We should have said that one.

Speaker 1 Okay, well,

Speaker 4 you could also take the actual building itself. I feel like that's

Speaker 1 okay. So we'll go with R11.
I think we know everyone. We'll say I'll say it's the same.
Yeah. Or I'll say it.
No, we got it. Wait, who's the first one? We got it.
Who's the leader of this team?

Speaker 1 No, we actually had this. So it's.

Speaker 2 Who had it first?

Speaker 1 We both had it. We got it.
We came up with a list.

Speaker 2 So why does Big Cat get to say it?

Speaker 1 Oh, stop it, Hank. Oh, man.
Here he goes. All right, so R111.
Big cat.

Speaker 4 I'm going to allow you to say it.

Speaker 1 All right, thank you, PFT. It's very nice.
R1-1 is

Speaker 1 jerking off. So easily.
Massively. I thought of that one, too.

Speaker 1 You're literally touching a dick. Touching a dick, you're giving a hand job.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 you're jerking off a dick. Yeah.
Constantly touching it. And like, really, it's not

Speaker 1 it. Staring at it, looking at it, caressing it.

Speaker 1 You're gooning over it.

Speaker 4 It's not a glancing blow. You've got to like constant contact with it.

Speaker 1 And you know what? You get really good at it, too. Yeah.
Really good. Yeah, you give it what you like.
You know what your dick likes. You look forward to it.

Speaker 1 Like you're looking at me with.

Speaker 2 I don't know. I guess I guess I'll let

Speaker 2 the panel decide. What?

Speaker 1 You don't think that you don't get it?

Speaker 2 I feel like it's a natural thing. Like your body is not.

Speaker 1 No, I mean, technically.

Speaker 4 Of course, what are you saying that homosexuality isn't natural, Hank?

Speaker 2 No, I'm saying jerking off. Like that just,

Speaker 2 even if you don't jerk off, like your body's going to eventually just come.

Speaker 1 Is that true? For adults?

Speaker 1 It's called an

Speaker 1 nocturnal admission. Yeah.
Yeah. It's a hand job from God.
Did you say nocturnal admission? Admission. Admission? What is it? Emission? Emission.
Could be admission.

Speaker 1 All right, PFT, you go with our next one. I think we got, I mean, we have a great list.

Speaker 4 We got a good setup going here.

Speaker 4 My second one, I'm going to go with...

Speaker 1 You are going to go with? No. Shut the fuck up, Hank.

Speaker 4 You're so bad at trying to split us apart.

Speaker 1 We're lockstep, right?

Speaker 4 The wise. Hank is upset because we smoked him in the first one.

Speaker 1 PFT and I compiled a list of like 10 great answers. Same.
So we can pick anything we want. Okay, this is an easy

Speaker 1 speech.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it was.

Speaker 4 Yeah, number two for me, wrestling. Fuck.
Yep. Wrestling.

Speaker 4 Either professional or competitive, like collegiate wrestling, either way you want to slice it.

Speaker 1 Or WWE. Like, it's just, you know, it's a lot of straight guys being like, go choke that guy out.

Speaker 1 Get on him.

Speaker 4 Shirts off. I'm going to triangle choke you out from behind real quick.
Right.

Speaker 1 Rear naked choke. Tap when you're about to pass.
Yeah, right. Spear.
Yeah, spear you. Yeah.
Like all that stuff. Yeah.
Suplex. Yeah.

Speaker 4 What's the one where the guy gets behind you and then he like sits on your ass and then grabs your legs up? I think Jared. The wall is a Jared.

Speaker 15 Oh, that's a

Speaker 15 X something.

Speaker 1 Figure four.

Speaker 4 The Figure Four leg lock. Yeah, that's pretty gay.
X-Pac, when you would just

Speaker 1 open down the Bronco, the Bronco Buster. He would literally, the guy would be dead in the corner and he would jump on the ropes and basically grind his face in their face.

Speaker 1 Or grind his dick in their face.

Speaker 15 Should we start a wrestling podcast?

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's good. We actually have a

Speaker 1 week. Yeah, we have an opening.

Speaker 15 Well, we canceled one.

Speaker 1 We canceled one. Yeah.
No, well, yeah, that made room for you guys.

Speaker 15 We can offline about this.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
That would actually be great.

Speaker 1 Or June, July one meeting. If we brought back wrestling,

Speaker 1 we don't have one. If we brought back wrestling, it's college wrestling.
No, it's just. No, Brandon can do wrestling, but Joey and Pat have to be on the show.

Speaker 4 It's called Aslan.

Speaker 1 And Brandon's just talking about how much he loves wrestling, and they're just sitting in the corner being like, that's gay.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 9 Are we next? Yeah, you're next.

Speaker 15 So we had an iteration of wrestling, but we're not going to use it because we feel that would be too much of a pick. But we should bring it up.

Speaker 1 Can we bring it up?

Speaker 15 Yeah, bring it up. Yeah.

Speaker 1 it was Turkish oil wrestling. Yeah.
Oh, okay. Have you ever seen that? No.

Speaker 1 Please Google it. Please Google Turkish Oil Wrestling.
You're literally thinking fisting and grabbing guys' balls. Your hand is down the other guy's pants the whole time.

Speaker 15 So they try and get in and like

Speaker 15 you grab and you wrestle.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. This looks good.
Yeah, it's just guys with their shirts off. Turkish.
Do you see their arms down their underwear? Yeah. Yeah.
Turkish oil wrestling. Their hands are down their pants.

Speaker 1 Oh, wow. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
No, you guys are right on that.

Speaker 4 That's, I didn't know this was a thing.

Speaker 1 Oh, I did.

Speaker 15 So, Joey, we either do this top one here or this one here. The very top or this.

Speaker 4 Oh, no, wait, it's Hank's turn now.

Speaker 1 Oh, no, you need to take yours.

Speaker 15 Top one or this, you pick. I think maybe the one that's highlighted.

Speaker 1 I really, I hope that there's like at least one listener who's listening who's like a little bit homophobic and hears us. Oh, I believe there's

Speaker 1 activities and hello.

Speaker 1 Wait, what?

Speaker 1 Wrestling? This one's very good, and it's

Speaker 1 a tale as old as time from the Greeks. Fraternities and hazing.
Yes. Yes.
It's a day of shamer.

Speaker 1 Let me shut this up. Nothing funnel on my elephant walk, ladies.
All right. Let me put this funnel on my friend's ass.
I'm having butt-chugged beer

Speaker 1 while I'm making sure that there's a secure seal on his fucking asshole. Oh, that could have been one too.
Butt chugged. We're giving away so many.

Speaker 1 Dana beers.

Speaker 4 Dana beers for sure. He just pounding beers in general is kind of.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Pause.
Yeah. So frats in general.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yep. Okay.

Speaker 15 Fraternity X.

Speaker 4 Like knowing where all your buddies went to high school.

Speaker 1 Just like Joey's saying that's the gayest thing ever. The Greek alphabet.

Speaker 1 Yes. Yeah.

Speaker 4 Alpha Sigma Sigma.

Speaker 1 The little dinner parties in their costumes, like their little suit and stuff. Togas.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 That really is.

Speaker 1 It's like if you, if you actually, that's, it's a funny thing. Like, you know, that comic? What was it? Garfield Without Garfield? Yeah.
You did, if you did, like, frats without chicks, you just

Speaker 1 looked at all the pictures and you're like, okay.

Speaker 1 And then they have to all prove that.

Speaker 15 And then they have to all prove that they're straight by having a formal.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Oh, because the chicks are.
That show sucks. Yeah.
Hey, I got breaking news real quick: breaking breaking sports news. Oh.

Speaker 4 Arch Manning has announced that he is going to play for the Texas Longhorns.

Speaker 1 I knew it. Texas is back.
I knew that.

Speaker 4 Officially back. I saw that coming.
Joey's been saying that for weeks.

Speaker 1 What? Yeah. From who?

Speaker 1 From

Speaker 4 Adam Schefter at ESPN. Never heard of him?

Speaker 1 Wow. Oh, yeah.
Hanks and disbelief.

Speaker 2 That's shocking.

Speaker 1 It also shows

Speaker 1 the benefit of them going to the SEC, because I feel like he might not have picked that if he doesn't get to play in the SEC.

Speaker 15 You would like Archie Mannon. Arch? Arch.

Speaker 1 Archie. Archie is

Speaker 1 the grandfather,

Speaker 1 the patron of the family.

Speaker 15 Archie, Peyton,

Speaker 1 Eli, and this is the younger one. Oh, I love all the people.
Oh, yeah. Actually, Eli tweeted a picture of

Speaker 1 your man.

Speaker 1 It was very funny. He's like 6'4?

Speaker 1 What do you think about... Yeah, there's.
Oh, my God. Well, I'm a grunt girl trying to introduce.
I would hit up the whole film, including the dad. that's the whole family they're all just

Speaker 1 yeah i run a train on me

Speaker 1 yeah mannings line up gentlemen

Speaker 1 or uh hank go ahead uh we're gonna go with the catholic church oh oh that's so good yeah that is so good

Speaker 1 the drama of the club the costumes yeah yeah no the pageantry of it all yeah it's super it's theater they come in dresses they're spraying water there's smokes going on there's candelabras there's singing there's chorus there's instruments yes And at the very end of it all, there's priests touching on voice.

Speaker 1 There's grooming, which there's nothing here than grooming.

Speaker 4 There's ornate decorations everywhere. It's really well decorated.

Speaker 1 Dazzy lighting.

Speaker 4 There's a naked dude that's just like hung on the wall.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Sing-alongs.
Yeah. There's sing-alongs.

Speaker 1 Okay, great pick, boys. Great pick, guys.
Very good.

Speaker 2 And then we will go with.

Speaker 2 It's slapping the ass after a play, but basically just any celebration with your sporting teammates.

Speaker 1 Yep.

Speaker 2 Yep.

Speaker 2 It's a little bit over the top. Like, again,

Speaker 2 if you remove the play beforehand and you just saw a bunch of guys, the way they're celebrating or

Speaker 2 hugging each other.

Speaker 4 We discussed the passion.

Speaker 1 The dog pile.

Speaker 4 We just discussed the dog pile at the end of the game.

Speaker 2 Anything. The dog pile.
If someone hits a buzzer beater,

Speaker 2 interception.

Speaker 2 Every sport, you know, it plays.

Speaker 4 You get the interception, you go with your boys to the end zone, all standing for the camera posing together.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 that's good. Okay, good pick.

Speaker 15 We have a good one, I think.

Speaker 1 It's a little is it our turn?

Speaker 4 Is it our turn?

Speaker 1 Yes, yeah.

Speaker 15 Okay, it's sharing a bed on vacation.

Speaker 1 Ten guys in a room trying to save money in Cancun or fucking Daytona Beach, all cozied up in the same bed. Yeah, well, well, 10 guys in a bed, yeah.
That's more of a fantasy, but that's what it is.

Speaker 15 Well, can we take one back, actually?

Speaker 1 No, I don't get the reaction.

Speaker 1 I watch the diesel cast.

Speaker 2 Yeah, who knows? This year you can do it.

Speaker 1 There was this one, too.

Speaker 15 This one is really kind of takes it up a notch.

Speaker 1 You have another pick.

Speaker 15 No one's taking this one. This one is like, I didn't want to be too sexual off the bat.
So I was like, let's slide this one in. And then the last one we do.

Speaker 1 You didn't want to.

Speaker 4 Wasn't your first one?

Speaker 1 Joey just showed us a picture of T Dix in a vagina. Well, this is actually

Speaker 1 Casey Smith's favorite.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 you have another pick coming up. And also, we do honorable mentions.
Oh. So we can discuss everything that we didn't pick.
Okay. So you'll have a chance for that one as well.

Speaker 1 All right, there's one here that's the next one for us.

Speaker 1 I think we do this, PFT.

Speaker 1 This one.

Speaker 4 I love secrets.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
All right. So our next pick is

Speaker 1 a quarterback under center. So not shotgun offense, quarterback under center.

Speaker 4 Pro-style offense.

Speaker 1 Pro-style offense. What does that mean? Putting his hands in.
You basically put the handle on the bottom.

Speaker 1 Put his hands

Speaker 1 in the ass of the center.

Speaker 4 Yeah, like Tom Brady has a very specific way that he likes his center's ass to be. Yeah.
And so he makes his center put a specific type of towel in his ass cheeks.

Speaker 1 Actually? Yeah,

Speaker 1 during the game. Yeah.

Speaker 15 And what does it do? It just creates more of a V cheese.

Speaker 1 It arouses a game.

Speaker 4 It absorbs the sweat that's coming out of the asshole.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 4 Because males naturally lubricate when Tom Brady is grinding under the inside.

Speaker 4 So he has to put a giant ass towel in between their ass cheeks during games. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That actually, you know what? Instead of changing your logo to a rainbow, why doesn't a team come out against homophobes and be like, we're only running pro-style offense this year? No shotgun.

Speaker 15 Is something I would love to see in the NFL.

Speaker 1 That would be nice.

Speaker 1 For Pride Month. Yes.
It's for Pride Month.

Speaker 15 But that's how they do it in June because they don't actually have to do it.

Speaker 1 I think we do this one last. Well, that's obvious, though.

Speaker 4 Which one?

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Obviously, guys.
That one.

Speaker 1 That's what we should have done.

Speaker 4 I was going to go to the first one.

Speaker 4 So the last one.

Speaker 4 Being called a daddy or calling yourself daddy.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, yeah. Guy comes home.
Daddy's daddy's home. Hey, come give me a dad.
Calling your dad daddy. She'll get erect.
Give daddy a kiss.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 15 That's a big. Zaddy? Do you know what a zaddie is? Yeah.

Speaker 15 Explain a zaddy.

Speaker 1 A zaddie is like a hot,

Speaker 1 like a metrosexual gray, like Silver Fox daddy, right? Right. What about dad duh? Because like, I'll come home and be like, my son calls me dad duh.
Stop. And we'll kiss on the lips.
How long?

Speaker 1 Dad's steps not far. Oh, long.

Speaker 1 I feel like dads only do that to either their kids or to girls, though.

Speaker 9 Daddy?

Speaker 1 Yeah. No, no, kids call their dad daddy.
All the time. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Daddy's home. Especially like

Speaker 1 daughters call their dads daddy all the time.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 1 My siblings and I refer to our parents as mommy and daddy. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But we don't call them daddy.

Speaker 1 I wouldn't say, daddy, can I borrow this? I'd be like, dad, can I have this? But when we refer to our parents to each other, it's like, did you call mommy and daddy today? Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, daddy.

Speaker 15 But you've also used daddy in the bedroom several times.

Speaker 4 Hank's doing a very bad job of trying to poke holes in this team. He's killed.

Speaker 9 This team is ironclad right now, Hank.

Speaker 1 We're fucking

Speaker 1 airtight.

Speaker 15 I'm just mad you got Catholic Church. That's like the

Speaker 1 catholic church is the best pick catholic church is the best well well second best but

Speaker 1 double penetration was very very what about this one which okay you guys go with your last pick it's very funny watching hank's brain try to wrap itself around how jacking off could fit into this draft you're gonna you're gonna think about it next time you go jack off okay the last one

Speaker 1 i'm gonna be thinking about girls is that strong enough think about girls dude you're thinking about girls as i'm thinking about chicks as your hand is wrapped around your meaty cock

Speaker 1 it definitely is i mean i guess there will be

Speaker 1 a lot of literally making a cock.

Speaker 1 You're making a cock.

Speaker 1 You're gay.

Speaker 4 You're getting cum on yourself. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That one's a little bit more. Come out of your belly.

Speaker 1 None of you shoot it right into your mouth, though.

Speaker 15 Throw the legs up over the top.

Speaker 1 Take it right from the top.

Speaker 15 There's a couple good ones. This one is also good, too.
Well, maybe that's an honorable mention.

Speaker 1 That's not.

Speaker 1 That's that is that's homosexuality. Well, it was the it was that we're not picking this one.
He said late. That's an honorable mention.

Speaker 15 I was going to say the country of tie bands.

Speaker 1 Okay, I'm going to say the scratch and sniff. Scratching your balls and fucking

Speaker 1 savoring the fucking nutsacks. That's a great one.
Smelling it. Oh.

Speaker 1 Just like you can't keep wanting to do it. Yeah.
Constantly. That's the gayest thing ever.
Yeah, there's a lot of things.

Speaker 1 After you made

Speaker 1 the dick come, now you're going to hold the balls, all that musk and everything. You cuddle it.
Smell it. You can't get enough of it.

Speaker 1 You're cock-hungry at this point.

Speaker 4 The soccer coach from Germany, he was famous for getting caught on the sidelines. He was like a really well-put-together guy,

Speaker 4 he'd dress up in suits and stuff on the the sidelines, and then he'd be out there, and he'd have his hands down his pants, and you catch him doing that, and then he'd just take a giant whiff of his hand.

Speaker 4 We all do it.

Speaker 1 Oof. Do you? It's true.
Oh, yeah. I've done it.
I don't think I've ever done it.

Speaker 15 I don't think I notice when I do it, though.

Speaker 4 I would never do it in, like, a public situation, probably.

Speaker 1 Well, maybe make Goonfest.

Speaker 4 What's Goonfest?

Speaker 1 Our live show on July 16th. You haven't heard? Oh, no, I haven't heard yet.

Speaker 15 We're taking everyone's cell phones at the door. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, sounds awesome. But yeah, definitely that.

Speaker 15 This is going to be a very... It's called Goonfest.

Speaker 4 And then you're just driving away with them.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we're selling some Chinatown.

Speaker 4 That's a good idea.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. Like, I'm gross enough.
Can I be honest? This is a safe place. Yeah, sure.
I've actually taken

Speaker 1 my musky underwear off and held them up to my nose while I masturbated. Joey.

Speaker 1 That's too honest. Bro, you might be gay.
I might be. Let's not jump the gun here.

Speaker 1 I like it. I took it the extra step.

Speaker 15 Just to get the extra shot.

Speaker 4 Hank's like, that sounds fine.

Speaker 1 It's like normal.

Speaker 1 Hank's going to try that later.

Speaker 2 I do like smelling my balls, but that

Speaker 1 is a little bit

Speaker 1 smaller. We were on Barcelona vs.

Speaker 10 America.

Speaker 1 I think that's what makes it gay. I think it gets gay when you're masturbating smelling your own balls.

Speaker 1 You're getting off on the smell.

Speaker 15 We were on Barstill vs. America, and I let him use my room to shower.
And I literally thought to myself, My underwear is on the ground here.

Speaker 1 Oh, you know what? He's going to smell there.

Speaker 15 And he walks back down and he goes, Your underwear was on the ground.

Speaker 1 No, I wouldn't take it. I would take, what's the, what's the one I liked?

Speaker 15 The one who suspected.

Speaker 1 Mokehi. Mokehi.

Speaker 15 Oh, Billy Keshma. He loves Fasoli.
Can you believe that? Ooh, he's a big... Well, that's rude.
I can believe that.

Speaker 15 He's a very big Fasoli guy.

Speaker 1 He obsesses.

Speaker 1 He says he's over Fasoli. He's pretty mean, Pat.

Speaker 9 Yeah, that was very...

Speaker 15 I love Fasoli, but he's...

Speaker 1 I have visions. I have fantasies about getting a hairball and choking to death.

Speaker 15 He'll walk by. He'll just go

Speaker 1 those legs.

Speaker 1 Got it?

Speaker 4 But yeah, just a real quick sidebar here. I know that we said that we wouldn't talk about him.
What if we just loaned Billy to out and about for the rest of the month?

Speaker 15 Oh, that would be...

Speaker 1 We do need him for the the parade. We need him on a jockstrap

Speaker 1 with glitter damage. I would like to see that.
I would like to see Billy go all in on the pride parade.

Speaker 1 Billy is,

Speaker 1 he's at a table. He's warmed up.
He's warmed up.

Speaker 1 He was an undercenter quarterback. He was a pro-style quarterback.
He liked this? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 4 Was he? I feel like he meant like this.

Speaker 1 Oh, he might have been shocked. I know what he meant like this.

Speaker 4 I think he was pistol. I think he was like curious.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, that's right. That's right.
He's curious? Yeah, he's curious. Yeah, he was still working things out.

Speaker 4 That was an all-time clip, by the way, with Big T when he's like, no, I'm not gay, but I am curious. And then you guys just stop.
You're like, What?

Speaker 1 Punishing Billy Football is gay.

Speaker 1 That is scary. You're getting the corner.
No, they're doming him out. They're doming Billy Football out.

Speaker 1 You made Billy being very sub for you, like

Speaker 1 a good little internet.

Speaker 1 If he's never going to learn if he doesn't, oh my gosh.

Speaker 15 If he doesn't take his licks.

Speaker 1 All right. Hank, your last pick.

Speaker 2 Our last pick

Speaker 2 is using an umbrella.

Speaker 1 So you got that from somebody else?

Speaker 4 Whoa. Because they tried to give that to us, too.

Speaker 1 Oh.

Speaker 1 I like mine. Oh, from Bubba? Who's Bubba?

Speaker 1 What do you guys think about using an umbrella?

Speaker 1 I hate getting wet. I'm like a cat, so I don't think it's gay.
Well, I am also gay, so I don't really think.

Speaker 15 I don't like using it because I don't like the schlep.

Speaker 1 I don't like carrying umbrella.

Speaker 15 I would rather be wet than walk around with a fucking umbrella. Then you got to shut it, and it's tough to shut it because everything gets wet and everything drips down.
It's the worst.

Speaker 4 And you're like walking on the sidewalk, and you're trying to do the math of if you can fit past somebody while you're holding your umbrella, then you raise it half the lower.

Speaker 1 Just wear a raincoat. I don't like using an umbrella because guys just try to kiss me all the time.
Yeah, right, exactly. When I have it,

Speaker 1 we have another one. Oh, these are honorable mentions.
Honorable mentions,

Speaker 1 honorable mentions. Eating dessert.
Eating desserts. Ooh, eating dessert.

Speaker 1 Very gay. Yeah.
Any sweets? Any kind of cupcake? Any kind of pastry with

Speaker 1 a whipped cream top. Yeah, if you get a game.
Whipped cream is gay.

Speaker 15 Whipped cream is very gay.

Speaker 1 I say treats in general. Fruit is gay.
Strawberries are gay.

Speaker 15 Grim jobs are gay.

Speaker 1 What about, what were you saying? Eat a hot dog or like a corn dog. Potty dog.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yep. Laurie.
How many fallout is that?

Speaker 1 On the left.

Speaker 1 Leather.

Speaker 1 Leather is gay. Leather vests.
Yeah. Guys in motorcycles.
Vests. Yeah, vests.
Oh, vests. Guys in motorcycle repros are like, what?

Speaker 15 Jock straps, obviously.

Speaker 1 Yeah, jock straps.

Speaker 15 Yep. Those two obviously.

Speaker 1 We asked Enrique and he said jock straps

Speaker 1 right away. Enrique was jock straps.

Speaker 2 Great list you guys came up with.

Speaker 1 Oh, we didn't use it.

Speaker 1 We didn't use it for today. Yeah, we didn't use yeah, we had that.

Speaker 9 We had rim jobs.

Speaker 4 We had every single part of taking a shit.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 4 The pushing out the cleanup process afterwards. It's yeah.

Speaker 1 What a pretty saus. What about dumping, like when a team wins and you dump water on your coach, and it's basically like, oh, it's see-through, yeah.

Speaker 15 No, that's gay.

Speaker 1 Like in college, because they can't drink, like, if they have a big win in basketball, they'll like run in there and everyone will just like pour water all over each other. Chest bumps?

Speaker 1 Yeah, chest bumps are gay.

Speaker 15 Sports taps, obviously.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Riding a bike. Riding a horse.
Riding a cop. Riding a horse.
Riding a cop. Riding the top.
That's another one.

Speaker 1 I'm sure we've all done there.

Speaker 4 Kissing your dad.

Speaker 1 Yep. Kissing your dad on the lips.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Eiffel towering. Yep.
Your dad kissing me on the lips. Shopping.

Speaker 1 Shopping is gay.

Speaker 15 Shopping is gay.

Speaker 15 Boozy brunch is very good.

Speaker 1 Brunch, yeah. Brunch.

Speaker 1 White wine. Yeah.

Speaker 15 White wine is so good.

Speaker 4 I'll just take a Riesling, please. Sometimes nice and light.

Speaker 1 White wine. Yeah.

Speaker 15 The machine at the gym where your legs do this. Oh,

Speaker 15 they call it the sus machine. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Classical music or anything like that. Orchestra music?

Speaker 1 The orchestra.

Speaker 15 The theater. The fine.

Speaker 1 The fine arts.

Speaker 1 Painting bodies.

Speaker 4 Body painting. At like a sports game.

Speaker 1 If you go to it as a fan, you paint your chest. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Or your nipples as basketballs.

Speaker 1 I don't know if you guys saw that.

Speaker 4 Yeah, you turn your entire upper body into a badger.

Speaker 1 Or shaving your chest hair into a shape. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 4 There's that one guy last night at the College World Series that did that. He shaved like two triangles above his nipples.

Speaker 1 Like a bikini top?

Speaker 4 Yeah, they kept interviewing him about it. He's like, no, I just kind of wanted to do it.
They're like, did you lose a bet? He's like, no, I just kind of, I thought it was cool. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 15 Says it.

Speaker 1 Swimming is kind of gay. Ooh.
Swimming is a little bit gay. Okay.
It's just speedos.

Speaker 15 Yeah, speedo. Just not even the speedos, just like swimming.
Like the boys are going swimming, like, that's gay.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Putting on suntan lotion is gay.
Putting on suntan lotions. Wearing sunscreen.
That's a fucking great sunshine.

Speaker 1 sunscreen.

Speaker 4 Do you think you're tougher than the sun? Yeah,

Speaker 15 accessories are gay. If you have too many accessories.

Speaker 1 Yeah, how many is too many? Three or four will do the trick. But that actually is funny because I have one Mexican lucky.

Speaker 15 Is that a cabbala bracelet?

Speaker 1 No, it's some

Speaker 1 like guy. I bought it from a dude in Mexico so it's the lucky guy.
It's a gambling luck, and it hasn't worked. What about wearing band-aids?

Speaker 1 Wearing band-aids is gay. Because if it's minute enough that a band-aid's going to fix it, you're a pussy for wearing a little band-aid.
Yeah. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 If you're really fucked up, you're going to have have a fucking cast on or a fucking, you know, a tarp

Speaker 15 aloe vera-ish gay.

Speaker 4 You should die.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. A band-aid if you can't handle a band-aid.
It's somewhere if you need a band-aid, just go all the way and die. Right, yeah.
Otherwise, what's the small tattoos are gay?

Speaker 1 Oh, little tattoos, little tattoos. This one right here, he's got a

Speaker 1 guy with

Speaker 1 a regular size arm and just like a small one here.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? You know why he's got tattoos?

Speaker 15 Did he tell you the story about why he got a

Speaker 1 10-point deer on him?

Speaker 15 So So he can attract hunters in the bar. Ooh.

Speaker 1 So they can come up to me and

Speaker 1 start talking to me about things. I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah, my uncle's a hunter Beckinger.
And then, you know, next thing you know, I'm getting railed behind the Pizza Hut Domino's combo.

Speaker 10 The ambitious crossover.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Pizza Hut

Speaker 1 Domino's combo.

Speaker 4 Crips and the Bloodstein. They're been dancing together.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 4 How small the tattoo? Like one that's on your finger?

Speaker 1 No, just like

Speaker 1 what about the ones where you do like this?

Speaker 4 Yeah, like on the side. That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 No, I think it's like more like small tattoos in a large area.

Speaker 4 What about a thigh tattoo?

Speaker 1 You like inner voice? What's it say?

Speaker 1 It's a fish.

Speaker 4 Of what? Just a fish. What if you have a fish?

Speaker 1 Like the fish you should draw in high school. I saw a fish.
Like a fish named Larry.

Speaker 4 A pretty gorgeous goldfish.

Speaker 1 Yeah. A goldfish is gay.

Speaker 1 Like a brook trout, no.

Speaker 15 No, a trouser trout is also gay.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 4 Well, so back to accessories, I feel like that you're right, but if you go over the top with it, if you have like like nine wristbands, then you're then you're Lenny Kravitz and you're the straightest man of all the stuff.

Speaker 15 Yeah, but it depends on the type of accessory. A thin, like a the thickness of the bracelet matters.
If it's like a bunch of beads and you have like ten of them, you're gay. Like, you're gay.

Speaker 15 You know what I mean? It all matters on how you accessorate.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I do Trump.

Speaker 16 Conditioning your hair.

Speaker 1 Yes. Yeah.
Body lotion.

Speaker 15 Equinox is gay. Yeah, it is.
Equinox is gay as I feel bad for the girls who go in there.

Speaker 1 It is.

Speaker 15 No one's looking at those pigs.

Speaker 4 We were talking to Nick on the way in. He said confidence in general.
Being like, yeah, I feel good about myself. I look good.
Like my body. Like,

Speaker 4 look how I look in these clothes.

Speaker 1 I look awesome. Yeah, that's gay.
Yeah, because you're looking at yourself and getting turned on.

Speaker 15 Mirrors, so that makes mirrors gay.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Laying your outfit on the bed is gay.

Speaker 15 That's right.

Speaker 1 Making the bed is gay. Making the bed is

Speaker 15 just like making the bed is gayer than double penetration.

Speaker 10 Fresh flowers are gay.

Speaker 15 If you bring flowers in the house, anything

Speaker 1 candles are gay. I can go on for for days.

Speaker 1 Candles. I feel like flowers.
Gay stuff everywhere. Flowers are for everyone.

Speaker 4 Flowers are. I think flowers are just like.

Speaker 1 I had a bouquet yesterday, brought. Just nice.

Speaker 1 I love flowers in the house.

Speaker 1 We can bleep that, right?

Speaker 1 What about little dogs?

Speaker 15 Yeah. It depends.
Yeah, it depends on how you interact with it.

Speaker 1 Okay, talking to your little dog. Talking, like a little,

Speaker 15 like little baby voice, that can make it.

Speaker 1 So small, small.

Speaker 15 Actually, no, I think dogs might be off limits. Yeah.
To be honest. I don't think the little dogs are gay.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Unless the gay guy is holding it, then the hot dog is very good. Or giant dogs.
No, not gay. Tanning beds?

Speaker 1 I've never been in a tanning bed.

Speaker 4 I would say like just

Speaker 4 like laying out.

Speaker 1 No, I've never been in a tanning bed. I have a natural, beautiful olive skin.

Speaker 10 Yeah.

Speaker 4 As you see on display right now. Just like laying out.
Anytime a guy lays out somewhere.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 4 So if it's in a bed, if it's outside, yeah, the beach is gay. Lakes are gay.

Speaker 9 Water's gay.

Speaker 1 Water's gay. I'm so tired of it.
You're either like the

Speaker 1 girl. Hot tubs are gay.
Oh, hot tubs. Hot tubs are gay.

Speaker 1 I was on a bachelor party in Vermont.

Speaker 15 I was sitting in a hot tub with six of my friends, and we were like, this is kind of gay.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 15 And I was like, no, we can stay.

Speaker 1 Steamer Mazanas. Steamer's Masanas.
Yeah, very good. Think about water, though.

Speaker 4 Every time you're around water, you're either like laying out, like displaying your body next to it, or you're like splashing other people with it.

Speaker 4 You're playing in it, or you're like just pouring it down your throat.

Speaker 1 I just want to keep going. I'm done with water.
I just want to keep going and just have it be. Showering at the beach.
Showering off rinsing off the sand at the beach. Showering in general.

Speaker 15 This microphone? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Are flip-flops gay? Flip-flops are gay. Open-choke shoes.

Speaker 1 Dogs are gay. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I think we covered everything. Yeah, this has been great.

Speaker 1 And there are definitely going to be some people who are having to look themselves in the mirror, which will be gay, and be like, whoa. I just listened to part of my take today, and I got to reassess.

Speaker 1 We're groomers. Yeah.
You're grooming. I'm done with grooming.
Grooming is all.

Speaker 1 We invented grooming.

Speaker 1 All right. Well, thank you guys.
Thank you for having us. Out and about.
Thank you. Subscribe.
What do you got coming up?

Speaker 1 Is there like a

Speaker 1 Pride Month? Is there like a hangover where it's like, whoa, that was a lot?

Speaker 15 Well, we have our live show coming up on July 16th. Okay.
To answer your question, yes. What are you laughing at?

Speaker 1 I look at Hank after Pride and go, Oh, yeah. He doesn't get fired after Pride.
Oh, he called the meeting on July 1st. July 1st.
It's like

Speaker 1 the day Pride Month ends.

Speaker 15 It's got started on our schedule. Joey calls me in a panic at 10 at night.
He's going, this is it.

Speaker 1 It's over.

Speaker 1 We think we're getting let go. Thank you on July 1st.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 15 you find the tickets on Barcelon Sports live events. It's me and Joey.
It's at Sony Hall in New York City.

Speaker 1 Cool venue.

Speaker 15 Awesome venue.

Speaker 1 Great Times Square. It's going to be on sale? They're on sale now.
I love it. That's awesome.
So everyone go out there. It's going to be a great night.
Who's special guests?

Speaker 1 Not yet. Possibly you.
Possibly you.

Speaker 1 Possibly you.

Speaker 1 Well, Billy Football handing out paper towels in the men's room.

Speaker 1 Oh, oh,

Speaker 1 getting the guy in the bathroom washing your hands for you and giving the paper towel is gay. That's gay.
Taking a paper towel from a guy in the bathroom is gay.

Speaker 1 The mints from any sort of toilet.

Speaker 4 Toiletries are gay.

Speaker 1 Yes. Yes.

Speaker 1 Shitty bags are gay, too.

Speaker 15 That's the last one.

Speaker 9 But we'll see you there.

Speaker 1 Sony Hall, July 16th. All right, so check it out.
Where can they buy it?

Speaker 1 You can go to

Speaker 1 BarcelonaSports.com slash events slash out and about.

Speaker 1 Seatbelts.

Speaker 4 Yeah. Buckling up safety.

Speaker 15 In the back seat.

Speaker 4 Safety's gay.

Speaker 1 Safety's gay. For sure.
For sure. For sure.
For sure. For sure.
All right. Well, thank you, Joey, Pat, out and about.
Check it out. Go to their live show.
It's going to be fantastic.

Speaker 1 You guys, I feel like you guys are a shooting star.

Speaker 1 That's going to keep shooting.

Speaker 1 Thank you. Because I know shooting stars eventually fade out.

Speaker 15 I don't know if that was like a David Spade moment.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no idea. Yeah.
Rocket ship.

Speaker 1 You guys are rocket ship. Thank you.
Not a challenger. Not a challenger.
R.I.P. Yeah.

Speaker 15 Kristen McAuliffe shared the same lesson.

Speaker 1 Rocket ships kind of.

Speaker 1 Rocket ships are gay.

Speaker 1 Space travel. Yeah.

Speaker 15 Space travel is gay. One more.
I just, now I'm thinking.

Speaker 1 Magic. Magic is gallant.

Speaker 1 Magic is

Speaker 1 so. Oh, fuck.

Speaker 15 Like a magician in a restaurant.

Speaker 1 The ones that throw the bubble up and it like becomes

Speaker 1 rocket ships.

Speaker 15 They are so. Missiles.

Speaker 1 Guns. Missiles.

Speaker 4 Guns are pretty gay. It's just like bullets.
You're shooting sperm, basically.

Speaker 15 Then I was thinking Navy, and then I'm going ships. Ships are gay.

Speaker 1 You forgot about fucking the military. It's the gayest thing in the world.

Speaker 1 All right. Thank you, guys.
Thank you. Thanks.
Thanks.

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Speaker 1 Okay, let's wrap up with Fire Fest of the week. By the way, Monday, we have Biz and Wit together in studio with a Mount Rushmore in an interview.
And Wednesday, I know people have been asking.

Speaker 1 I apologize. It's taking a little bit of time.
But we had the NBA draft this week. Wednesday, Max Restappen and Sergio Perez.
Awesome interview with them.

Speaker 1 Hank, Firefest.

Speaker 2 Yep. Firefest, been playing golf.
Back on, got the itch again that time of year.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah?

Speaker 2 Trying to get a handicap going.

Speaker 4 What'd you shoot?

Speaker 1 Nice catch.

Speaker 2 I shot a 53. I went out with our darling Jake Marsh.
We played a little match.

Speaker 4 53 is not bad.

Speaker 2 It's pretty bad. And Jake beat me by like six strokes.

Speaker 1 Wait, 18 holes?

Speaker 1 No, nine. Oh.

Speaker 1 Oh. Then you put 53 on 18 holes.

Speaker 4 But you're probably drunk, right?

Speaker 1 You were just like casually golfing. Early in the morning, 7 o'clock.

Speaker 9 You really are an executive.

Speaker 1 Just getting those early

Speaker 2 golf rounds in. I know, but I got to be ⁇ I can't be on the course with other executives

Speaker 2 swimming like that, losing to Jake.

Speaker 1 Well, Jake is the best in the office.

Speaker 1 Does it nice that

Speaker 1 you've had quite a hot run the last month? Is it nice to know that no matter what, like Jake is always here to humble you? Celtic.

Speaker 2 No, yeah, I would have preferred Brock to Kingdom.

Speaker 1 No, no, but you humble him.

Speaker 2 I'm down to go back to the way things were.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, but

Speaker 2 on the rise up.

Speaker 1 Nah, but Jake is, you know, he's just there.

Speaker 1 Anytime you need humble pie, you can just get a slice at Jake's house. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Seriously, and he does it with kindness.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Jake, I talked to Jake as well. He said that

Speaker 1 he thought he played terrible. And he still beat you by six strokes.

Speaker 1 That's what he said.

Speaker 1 You did say that you played poorly.

Speaker 4 I said I played alright.

Speaker 1 I had some good holes and I had some bad holes.

Speaker 4 Yeah, so we beat you by six strokes.

Speaker 1 By nine holes.

Speaker 4 Was there any trash talk going back and forth between you guys?

Speaker 2 No, I couldn't even. I didn't even.
I didn't have a chance. I obviously was ready to.
Jake never did.

Speaker 1 What was the best?

Speaker 4 You had some minds ready? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 1 I like to chirp a little bit. What was the conversation like?

Speaker 2 We were playing with a dude from England, a dude from Scotland. Shout out to them.

Speaker 2 Pleasant conversation.

Speaker 1 You guys couldn't play just two of you?

Speaker 1 No. For some.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Poke the T-Town?

Speaker 1 Did you pair those guys play well?

Speaker 1 No. Jake beat them all? No, one of them was.

Speaker 2 I think they both shot like 48s.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so Jake beat them all.

Speaker 4 That's my boy. Good job, Jake.
Fuck yes.

Speaker 1 Just beating strangers off the street.

Speaker 4 Those guys flew over here from Scotland to get their ass kicked by Jake Martin.

Speaker 1 Smoked by Jake.

Speaker 4 To have Jake just shove a putter up their ass. Yeah.

Speaker 1 They're going to go back

Speaker 1 to the channel. They're like, how was your trip? It's like, well, it was great, except for this one guy who just fucked us up on the golf course.
He brought a friend, though, that was so bad.

Speaker 1 We thought he'd never played golf before. No, it was fun.

Speaker 13 We got to do a group outing soon.

Speaker 1 Okay, cool. I'm in.
Yeah. Sweet.
Sure. So for us to watch you beat Hank?

Speaker 13 No, you for some.

Speaker 1 Gallery. Okay, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4 We'll be the gallery. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay. We can do that.
We'll do anything you guys want. Great.
Yeah. Sounds fun.
You're the boss. All right, PFT Year of Fire Fest.

Speaker 4 My Fire Fest, it's kind of a group Fire Fest, but

Speaker 1 also for you guys. Yeah, that's the move now.

Speaker 2 You and Big Cat teaming up.

Speaker 4 Shut the fuck up, Hank. Christ.

Speaker 4 My fire fist is I have to look at Hank all day.

Speaker 4 Hank was downstairs on the second floor all day today, just hovering.

Speaker 1 You got matter if you're not hanging out.

Speaker 1 Hovering around. Oh, Hank came in today at the, you know, the usual hour that executives come in at 11.30.
And

Speaker 1 he caught him.

Speaker 1 I was asleep.

Speaker 1 I was up on the third floor and he thought he saw a ghost.

Speaker 1 Like, he was like, what are you doing up here? Get out of here. This is my like world's colliding.

Speaker 1 He doesn't, we should go up there and just start mixing it up up there to see what Hank's like rep is up there.

Speaker 4 Claim a desk. Yeah.
Claim a desk up there. But my actual firefest, in addition to dealing with Hank, is that I think we're addicted to suspending people.

Speaker 4 So we sussied someone and then we sussied Brooks pending appeal. Today I sussied Avery

Speaker 4 because he's been hanging on to the science fair video for like a week and a half and he just won't release release it. He's hoarding all the footage to himself, so I had to sussy him too.

Speaker 4 And I just feel like this is one of those.

Speaker 1 I wasn't going to release it if you sussied him. Well, maybe I'll be gone forever.
Pending appeal.

Speaker 4 I'll allow him to make an appeal to me.

Speaker 1 Appeals are big.

Speaker 4 Yeah, but I feel like this is just something that we're going to be doing all the time. Oh, yeah.
It's just suspending people. We're drunk with power.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 4 I can see how Roger Goodell loves it so very deeply. Yeah.
Because I kind of find myself... What's that saying? Like, absolute power corrupts absolutely.

Speaker 4 I'm a million percent. I would be the worst king.
I would be the mad king. Yeah.
I would destroy everyone. So never give me an inch of power because I will abuse it.

Speaker 4 So I'm looking forward to seeing how we overdo this one until it bites us in the ass. Yeah.
And then we learn our lesson because it's happening at some point.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Mine's similar.
That, like, so my Firefest is, we've had Barcelona this week. I think it's gone very, very well.
We're hiring a new colleague. PFT had a vote on Wednesday night.

Speaker 1 I have to vote tonight. So you're going to know by the time you listen to this.
But I've quickly realized that like voting on people's future is the worst.

Speaker 9 It's not funny.

Speaker 1 I hate so much having to be like, oh, you're funny. You're not funny.
Oh, I'm going to give you a dream job. Oh, I'm not.

Speaker 1 Like, it's just the stress of this week has eaten me alive where I just, I'm not having, I'm having fun, but at night I lay down and I'm like, fucked, am I making the wrong decision?

Speaker 1 Just making decisions in general sucks.

Speaker 4 And even sometimes if it's a guy that you vote for, then they'll end up like,

Speaker 4 getting dementia and falling off a bike and ruining everything. And then you're like, oh, shit.

Speaker 1 what did I do?

Speaker 9 Did I have dementia before, or did the concussion cause the dementia?

Speaker 4 Both.

Speaker 1 Concussion on dementias feels like a really bad thing.

Speaker 4 Or it might just make you, it might just eliminate the effects of the dementia. That's true.
Knocked it out of your brain.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
There you go.

Speaker 1 Old school like 80s football.

Speaker 4 Knocked the cobwebs off.

Speaker 1 Yeah. He's ready to go now.
He's ready to play. Joe Biden.

Speaker 4 Joe's going to be sharp as a tack.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 4 16-dimensional chess against Putin.

Speaker 1 Making decisions sucks. It sucks.
It just sucks, sucks, sucks. So,

Speaker 1 yeah, it's been a great week of Barcelona, but yeah, I'm happy to see it go because I do not take pleasure in like deciding the fate of other people.

Speaker 4 Yeah, it's a lot of, it's responsibility, but it's like real world impacting people's futures responsibility.

Speaker 1 Yeah, like knowing that you are actually could impact someone's like the trajectory of their life is just a terrible feeling to have.

Speaker 4 That's why you got to take it not seriously at all and just like write in Sanjaya every time.

Speaker 1 Yeah, right. We need a Sanjaya gate.
All right, Jake, wrap us up.

Speaker 13 Yeah, so another golf fire fest from last week. I was on the third hole, and I couldn't find my sandwich, left it on the first screen, had to turn around, slowed down everything.

Speaker 1 You beat him by six strokes without a sandwich? No, this was last week. Oh,

Speaker 1 would you beat him last week? We didn't play last week. Oh.

Speaker 10 You would have? Would you shoot last week?

Speaker 13 What did you shoot last week? 95.

Speaker 1 Would you shoot last week, Hank?

Speaker 4 Not 95.

Speaker 4 So you beat him without... You probably weren't even in a bunker, though.

Speaker 13 No, I was in a bunker.

Speaker 4 You know who else was in a bunker?

Speaker 1 President?

Speaker 1 yeah sure yeah yep something like that

Speaker 1 yeah yeah yeah uh

Speaker 1 okay that is a firefight yeah so it was tough i was like i just don't ever go back you need your sandwich no i just leave it yeah you can then i just stop golfing and then don't golf again for five years if it's enough holes behind you just say fuck it like it belongs to the course now yeah yeah just slowly whittle it down i would love to that would be the best to be one of those golfers that has like golfs with like three clubs yeah i've actually thought about that i i don't think that i would be significantly worse at golf if I only had a driver, a seven iron, and a putter.

Speaker 13 I mean, on Wii Sports, they have that. That's your only options.

Speaker 4 Those three? It's driver, iron, and putter. Yeah, that's all that I need.

Speaker 4 I don't think I would shave any strokes off my game by incorporating irons three through six.

Speaker 1 Why haven't they made a golf club where it's like...

Speaker 1 You know those weights that you can like put the key in and it's like a five pound, then you can make it a 10 pound? Why haven't they made that? Or just

Speaker 1 interchange the club? They have.

Speaker 4 They have? There's one of those.

Speaker 1 It's got to be so bad. Oh, it's awful.
Yeah, I want to use that. It's really bad.
That's all I want.

Speaker 4 He's got there with one club.

Speaker 9 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Just carrying it.

Speaker 4 It's my Swiss army knife.

Speaker 1 Yeah, just switching it. It's just super heavy.
Yeah, I'm in for that. Yeah.
Someone make a super, like a.

Speaker 1 I don't know what would the. I think the problem was it was too heavy.
How do they do it?

Speaker 4 It was too heavy. Because you have all those.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Like you have to have a

Speaker 9 Kevlar or something.

Speaker 4 You have to have a joint in it that switches the angle, and then you also have to be able to use it as a driver.

Speaker 1 No, wait. Kevlar's heavy.
What is the thing that they use for like kayaks and shit? Is it like carbon fiber? Yeah, that's it. That's what I'm talking about.
We need carbon fiber clubs all in one.

Speaker 1 That's a genius idea.

Speaker 4 There's also a wedge in Wii Sports, corrected myself.

Speaker 1 Oh, wow.

Speaker 1 Wow. So your suspended is close.
I was going to get

Speaker 13 five to ten tweets being like.

Speaker 1 And what would you have done?

Speaker 4 Your life would have been over.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 4 I'm issuing you a 30-second suspension from the podcast.

Speaker 1 Depending appeal. All right, let's go.
Numbers. Granted.

Speaker 1 Numbers, everyone have a great weekend. 31.
Someone told me that 31 is coming on Friday. 13.

Speaker 1 6.

Speaker 4 69.

Speaker 5 25.

Speaker 1 This guy was right about 31.

Speaker 1 49.

Speaker 1 No one has hit it in a long time. Third time.

Speaker 4 It's been, yeah, it's a real dry spot here for us.

Speaker 1 Well, for Hank, he hasn't hit it at all. Ever?

Speaker 2 Nope, I'm a virgin.

Speaker 4 Koala fingerprints are so close to humans that they could taint crime scenes.

Speaker 4 Love you guys.

Speaker 4 Look at what you.

Speaker 4 I've been won't come

Speaker 4 talking away

Speaker 4 I don't know what about to say I'd say it anyway

Speaker 1 Today's another day to find you shy away

Speaker 1 Oh, I'll be coming for your love, okay.

Speaker 1 Shy away.

Speaker 1 Oh, I'll be coming for your love, okay.

Speaker 1 Needless to say,

Speaker 1 I've all the sin is about me, somewhere.

Speaker 1 Slowly learning that life is okay. Say of me,

Speaker 1 it's the better to be safe than sorry. Say of me,

Speaker 1 it's the better to be safe than sorry.

Speaker 1 Take

Speaker 1 me.

Speaker 1 are.

Speaker 1 I

Speaker 1 think

Speaker 1 all

Speaker 1 the joy

Speaker 1 I

Speaker 1 begon