Bert Kreischer, Coach K’s Farewell And Monday Reading

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Speaker 6 On today's part of my take, we have an incredible interview with Burt Kreischer, comedian, rack on tour. He's got a new movie coming out soon.
Awesome dude. We talked to him in LA in person.

Speaker 6 Highly, highly recommend listening to this one because it is very, very good. We also have Coach K's farewell tour, which was one of my favorite nights of basketball ever.
We will recap that.

Speaker 6 We will do who's back of the week. We have a little Monday reading for you, a great show for everyone on a Monday.
And we are brought to you by our friends.

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Speaker 7 No place to hang out on washing.

Speaker 7 And then I can't blame all on the sun. Oh, no, we're gonna rock it down to Elite Track Avenue.

Speaker 7 And then we're taking higher.

Speaker 7 Oh, we're gonna rock it down to Elite Track Avenue.

Speaker 7 And then we're taking higher.

Speaker 6 It's part of my take presented by Bar School Sports. Welcome to Part of My Take, presented by Coors Like.
Go check them out right now. CoorsLike.com/slash take.

Speaker 6 Today is Monday, March 7th, and the Coach K

Speaker 6 farewell to Cameron game was one of the best games I've ever watched in my entire life. $5,000 a ticket to get in.
I'd say it was well worth it for all the alum that were there.

Speaker 6 I think every person who's ever played or been suspended by Coach K showed up for that game. It was a touching farewell.
So I have, I took some notes because this was so much fun.

Speaker 6 I had such a good time. And Hank, I want to hear from you.

Speaker 6 Just so you know, PFT Hank did bet UNC plus 11.

Speaker 6 And also Moneyline. I want to hear from Hank.

Speaker 6 I want to hear from Hank, but I want to just go through the timeline real quick.

Speaker 8 Factor fiction, fiction.

Speaker 6 Because this is like, this is my favorite game ever.

Speaker 6 I was tickled to no end. I was watching the post-game ceremony with a pint of Ben and Jerry's.

Speaker 6 Everything about last night was spectacular. So let's just go through the timeline of events real quick.
Hop in whenever you want, Hank and PFT, go ahead, okay?

Speaker 6 If I'm wrong about anything.

Speaker 6 Well, let's start. April 1st, Roy Williams retires.
In the middle of the day, no, like, hey, what's going on? Roy Williams retiring, really? The right way.

Speaker 6 Gracefully walks off, exits stage left, what most coaches do, because when you think about it, there's not a lot of coaches that take retirement tours.

Speaker 6 They usually just, like, Bob Knight didn't take a retirement tour from Indiana. He gracefully departed.
Exactly. Yes.

Speaker 6 He went off into the sunset with class. Right, exactly.

Speaker 6 Coach Roy Williams did the same. What do you hate? Many people would say that Coach Roy Williams has a better resume in the state of North Carolina than Coach K does.

Speaker 6 Well, at least in terms of exits, he does. So, all right, so that was April 1st.
June 3rd. June 3rd.
Now, I think,

Speaker 6 Jake, real quick, when does college basketball start?

Speaker 9 College basketball starts the second week of November.

Speaker 6 Okay, so June 3rd. All right, so that's a, all right, that's a lot of, that's a lot of months in between June 3rd and November.
All right, so June 3rd, Coach K

Speaker 6 announces that he is going to retire after this last season. A retirement tour is officially on.
If you remember, we had the Everytime We Touch video where everyone was clapping. It was awkward.

Speaker 6 He's like, listen, I'm going to retire this year.

Speaker 6 I don't want to make it about myself, guys, but I'm giving you six months to prepare all your gifts and dick sucking for this retirement tour that we're going to embark on. Yep.

Speaker 6 And word on the street was that Coach K was a little bit miffed that on their last trip to Chapel Hill, the Tar Heels didn't do anything nice for him. I have that.
I have that.

Speaker 6 That's coming with the handshakes.

Speaker 6 So because the handshake man. No, we have that coming.
Don't worry. That's absolutely coming.
So Coach K said, I didn't stay because I wanted a farewell tour.

Speaker 6 I stayed because I wanted to coach one more year. He could have easily coached one more year without being an egomaniac and making it all about Coach K.

Speaker 6 But he didn't want the farewell tour. He just wanted to tell everyone in June that it was the farewell tour.
Well, he needed six months to make sure that Tommy Amaker did not get the job.

Speaker 6 Yes, right, exactly. So he also said,

Speaker 6 this was actually a few weeks ago. He said, hey,

Speaker 6 it's not, look at me. It's my last game.
I'm not going to do that. I am sure it will be emotional, but it's going to be about the team.
Always, always, always, always. It's always about the team.

Speaker 6 It's not about Coach K.

Speaker 6 And then he also said, this last past year has been like a celebration of our program. But because I'm stopping coaching, it's been a celebration of me and I don't like that.

Speaker 6 So he actually is very uncomfortable with the fact that everyone's making it about Coach K.

Speaker 6 There should have been a way for him to announce that this was his last year and that there would be a retirement tour that was stopping across the country without making him the focus of his own retirement.

Speaker 6 Every school along the way gave gifts. I said it was uncomfortable.
It's the media that's doing this to Coach K. Yes.

Speaker 6 Obviously, Coach K does not want the focus on him. He wants it on the players.
Right. He wants it on the program, the team, the team, the team.
Always, always, always, always. For always.

Speaker 6 So, all right, right, so we're flash forward to last night where the week has been about Coach K. ESPN had, what, like six different streams ready to go.

Speaker 6 Everyone was doing their tributes. And then we get to the game and Kansas and Texas go to overtime.
So they can't, everyone has to watch the ACC network or the ESPN app for Coach K's big moment.

Speaker 6 That was, there's something beautiful about Kansas. a true blue blood in my eyes taking away from Duke there.
I loved it. That game was fantastic.
It was a fantastic game game to watch.

Speaker 6 This is March truly. Hank was watching.
He was so happy to be watching it. Well, also, Kansas has a coach that knows how to age gracefully as well.

Speaker 6 A guy that is confident in his own looks, in his own hair. He doesn't need to go out there and make any adjustments to it.
No doubt. To pretend that he looks younger.
Yep.

Speaker 6 So before the game started, the Duke basketball account tweeted out bragging it was the most expensive college basketball ticket ever.

Speaker 6 Average price was $5,307. Kids obviously camping out for months for this ticket.
Is that a brag or just a fact? Well, it's kind of a brag, right? Because, like,

Speaker 6 what? I mean, Roy Williams' last ticket wasn't that expensive because he again gracefully left.

Speaker 8 But I don't get where the brag is. That's just a statement.

Speaker 6 Oh, I'm not sure. You kind of bragged.

Speaker 8 That's saying we're the number one sports podcast, a brag?

Speaker 6 You don't say that that's what you just do, though. You just said that.

Speaker 6 I hear you say it all. So now you're fighting us?

Speaker 6 I'm just trying to give you context. Okay, it's just the fact that me and Big Cat get paid $101,000 per episode.
That's not a brag. Yes.

Speaker 6 Because we have to report that as public information to IRS. Correct.
Duke is a private university. They don't have to report that.
Yes. So, all right.
So,

Speaker 6 good interjection, Hank. You're right.
It wasn't a brag. It was a statement of fact.
Thank you. All right.
All Duke legends came back for this game. You saw Carlos Boozer, J.J.

Speaker 6 Reddick, Christian Leightner, Jerry Seinfeld, Kyler Murray, T.O., all the guys that went to Duke came back for Coach K.

Speaker 6 The pressure, I think I especially love that they all were wearing the Coach K

Speaker 6 logo. Like he had just died when they do the patch, when like the owner of a team dies.
They make a patch.

Speaker 6 I actually do think that Duke should be allowed to wear the black stripe across one of their sleeves next year in remembrance of Coach K's pass. And wait, was LeBron there? No, LeBron was busy.

Speaker 6 That's unfortunate. Yeah, I feel like

Speaker 6 I feel like LeBron would have been there if he was able to get away. Side note: Hank had a hell of a night because I was thinking about it.
Like a lot of people,

Speaker 6 it would seem like they either hate Duke and hate LeBron or they love Duke and love LeBron. Hank has the love Duke, hate LeBron.

Speaker 6 So right after the game, LeBron dropped a 50 burger right in everyone's face on ABC. All right, back to the game, though.
Back to the game.

Speaker 6 So Duke is an 11-point favorite. They basically didn't even talk about UNC playing in the game.
Like UNC was just a participant in Coach K's farewell game.

Speaker 6 Duke is an 11-point favorite. They beat UNC by 20 earlier this year.

Speaker 6 They had to have killed him, right, PFT? Absolutely. So I even took the alternate.
I said that Duke was going to win by between, I think it was 15 and 21 points.

Speaker 6 Didn't even look at the game after that. I was like, okay, this is money in the bank.
Yep. Yep.
Haven't checked my statement. I'm sure it hit, though.

Speaker 6 Oh.

Speaker 6 Jake, do you have the final score?

Speaker 9 I believe it was 94.81.

Speaker 6 Duke won 94-81?

Speaker 6 You would think. Yeah.

Speaker 9 No, North Carolina.

Speaker 6 Oh, no.

Speaker 6 Oh, no.

Speaker 6 To be fair, this game should have been played under protest. They didn't do a handshake line before the game, like Duke had requested that they do.

Speaker 6 They wanted a double handshake line, or at least they didn't want the handshake line at the end of the game after the game was over to interfere with the Coach K's ceremony. Correct.

Speaker 6 So UNC respectfully declined to do the pregame handshake line. And instead, now

Speaker 6 there's some blow-by footage of some of the coaches after the fact.

Speaker 6 I thought that Coach K was gracious, as always. Well, so yeah, so they lost.
They lose. They lose.
But you lose games. Yeah, you lose games to your bitter rival.

Speaker 6 You know,

Speaker 6 some may say he was putting a lot of pressure on his kids, like having this all about him. And like, you can't lose Coach K's last game of Cameron.

Speaker 6 And you have, you know, 80 NBA guys watching and all the stars are out. They lose.
And then the post-game celebration. Oh, let me back up.

Speaker 6 The shots of

Speaker 6 the kids with like their Sesame Street costumes crying and face paint, That was just delicious. It was wonderful.
Delicious.

Speaker 6 When Coach K gets on the mic, and the first thing that he does in his acknowledgement to the fans is he tells everybody to shut the fuck up. Scolds him.
Scolds him as only Coach K could.

Speaker 6 Scolds the best, though. I love that.

Speaker 6 I would rather have it no other way than for Coach K to get up there and do what Coach K does. Impromptu.
And he scolds the fans for being too loud during his retirement ceremony.

Speaker 6 He scolds them, and then there was a montage video that Coach K did the voiceover for, which I don't think I've ever seen that been done. That was incredible.

Speaker 6 It was essentially a funeral for the guy where he got to back to similar to Curb, where he's just doing a living funeral for himself.

Speaker 6 We don't make jokes about that, though.

Speaker 6 I also feel like

Speaker 8 I specifically remember some Coach Doug's montages with Coach Doug's voiceovers, but I said I would do the voiceover.

Speaker 6 Yeah, was it myself? The thing is, personally,

Speaker 6 I don't think I did it. I never did a voiceover.
One of the footage is a video game character that Big Cat made up, and the other is maybe the most famous college basketball coach of all time.

Speaker 6 Find the voiceover.

Speaker 8 Someone said Coach Douglas is the most famous college football coach in the internet world.

Speaker 6 And he didn't do a retirement tour. People are asking for one more year.
Retirement tour doesn't give it to him.

Speaker 6 Because sometimes it's better to just not make it about yourself and not invite all the legends back like,

Speaker 6 fuck, I forget all the guys' names.

Speaker 8 Rico Burgerton.

Speaker 6 Rico Burgerton, Jojo Smalls, et cetera, et cetera. All right, back to Coach K.
Don't deflect us.

Speaker 6 Don't divert us here, Hank.

Speaker 6 They also also gave him a bench, which was great because Coach K was sitting there seething in anger as the AD or president, I don't know who it was, just like, you know, we talked about the bachelor or wedding speeches.

Speaker 6 He was the dude that's like, come on, man, like,

Speaker 6 get off the stage. Gave him a bench.
People were like, they only gave him a bench. Well, how many things can you name after him?

Speaker 6 Because they already named the court after him while he was still coaching. There's an entire shanty town outside the stadium named after him.
Right.

Speaker 6 Like, I mean, eventually they're running out of things to name after Coach K. I like the bench, though, to honor the location where some of his best grandchildren sit.
Yes, exactly.

Speaker 6 So, yeah, his grandchildren came out. That was actually a nice moment.

Speaker 6 I'll have

Speaker 6 my cynical side stop for a minute and say that it was nice that Coach K had his entire family there.

Speaker 6 But yeah, it was the best night. That's very big of you for a while.
Yeah, that was big.

Speaker 6 At the end of the day,

Speaker 6 coming as a non-Duke fan in peace, it's nice that Coach K's family loves him. Right.
And we've said it before. He wants to retire to spend time with his kids who are all like 60 plus

Speaker 6 and his grandkids who are all like 30. Or in jail.
Yeah. Or yeah.

Speaker 6 It was a great night. It was a fantastic night.
It was so funny. It was off the charts funny.
I loved every second of it.

Speaker 6 And of course, Duke fans will be in my mentions tomorrow being like, you're salty. Yes, I am.

Speaker 6 You hate Duke because they're really good. Yes, I do.
All these things I admit openly, but there's nothing better in sports than hating something and having a night like last night.

Speaker 6 All the hate

Speaker 6 cashed in last night. For everyone who doesn't like Duke or Coach K, that was just the best night possible.
Real talk, though. I'm going to miss Coach K.

Speaker 6 I'm going to miss having this guy around. It's the old who's the bad guy thing.
Right.

Speaker 6 It's good to have an enemy that we can all unite behind, that we can all laugh at, that occasionally makes us look like idiots. He was good for college basketball.

Speaker 6 I'm going to miss having the most hatable guy around. And I don't hate John Shire.
That's the problem. I'm sure I will eventually.

Speaker 6 But you'll grow to hate him for sure, but he's no Coach K. It's not going to be the same.
I actually think, like, it's, I think he chose the right time to retire. Yeah.

Speaker 6 I feel like last night's game told you everything you need to know. He'd be on the hot seat.
I'm putting Coach K on the hot seat right now because of that performance.

Speaker 6 I think he'd be fired at the end of this year, even if he didn't retire. Also, I'm just going to throw this out there.
Maybe a chance that he goes and coaches the Lakers next year?

Speaker 6 Why not?

Speaker 6 Braun needs a coach. LeBron basically went to Duke.
Wouldn't that be great? Braun did say he was his favorite coach he's ever had. Yeah.

Speaker 6 So like, he had him.

Speaker 6 He basically is like, my favorite teacher ever is my summer camp teacher. Like that, like,

Speaker 6 he got to hang out with him in the summer and win gold medals.

Speaker 9 We're going to say, Jake. I have one thing.

Speaker 9 Did the Duke Athletic Department not remotely consider doing the ceremony pregame and thought this would be awkward if they did?

Speaker 6 Oh, no, they did do a ceremony pregame. They did a ceremony pregame, post-game, all week.
It's not about Coach K, though, but it's not about Coach Patton. The awkward part is it's not his last game.

Speaker 6 He still has an ACC tournament to play. And

Speaker 6 I understand.

Speaker 8 I feel like you don't.

Speaker 6 No, I do. I get it.
It was the last time

Speaker 8 I was working in front of his home fans.

Speaker 6 That's the shame. But I feel like if they did everything pregame, it would have ended up fine.
Should they do senior night after they lose? No. Were there any seniors on the game?

Speaker 6 Imagine being a senior on Duke this year.

Speaker 6 I don't think you don't have a senior night ceremony.

Speaker 6 Did they have the moms come out with the wages? No way. I don't think so.
I think Coach K probably just escorted all of them.

Speaker 6 He just fucked all the moms. It was like, that's your senior night, boys.

Speaker 6 You might have a younger brother related to Coach K. Joey Baker.

Speaker 9 Joey Baker. Theo John.
He had some dirty

Speaker 6 Theo John and Joey Baker.

Speaker 9 Theo John tackled the guy, right?

Speaker 6 I know. He should have been kicked out of the game.

Speaker 6 Hank, go ahead.

Speaker 8 Yeah, just maybe one more date. You kind of started with Roy Williams, but I think the key date in all of this is April 6th, 2015.

Speaker 8 Duke 68, Wisconsin Badgers, 63 national championship. If there's anyone wondering, like, why is Big Hat such a hard ass and psychopath against Coach K? That is the real date that matters.

Speaker 6 No, I always hate him.

Speaker 6 I don't think so. That's kind of fair, but also it's Coach K that we're talking about.
Like, Coach Kitchen universally. He's won our country gold medal.
I hated Duke before that.

Speaker 6 And people are like, how can you hate Duke? Because the guy before him didn't. Yeah, but people are like, how can you hate Duke? How can you hate the Yankees? How can you hate Alabama football?

Speaker 6 How can you hate the Unboys?

Speaker 6 But I don't like Duke. I don't like Duke.
I've never liked Duke. Yes, my hatred went nuclear in 2015, 100%.

Speaker 6 I am salty about that till the day I die. You're, I mean, you're just saying things I've said myself.

Speaker 8 Well, you beat it started, though. You started it with Roy Williams.
Yeah,

Speaker 6 okay, that's fine. That's fine.

Speaker 8 I've seen you do this, come in early and take notes for two people: Aaron Rodgers and Coach K. That's not the same as the Yankees, Alabama.

Speaker 6 Listen,

Speaker 6 hating, hating in sports is just as fun as loving. I agree.
It's the best.

Speaker 6 It was so much fun.

Speaker 6 Actually, you know what?

Speaker 6 Hank, you're right. I'm going to thank Coach K because he made last night about us, the haters.
It was a night for the haters. It really was.
It was the perfect night for the haters.

Speaker 9 They also have Bates Jones, the younger brother of Daniel Jones.

Speaker 6 Oh,

Speaker 6 New York Giants. Damn.
And he had senior night cucked? Yeah. That's brutal.
Graduate student. Hank, give me your thoughts, though, for real on the game.
Because you have to admit, like,

Speaker 6 his legacy is completely shot now.

Speaker 8 I mean, I do feel that's definitely not true whatsoever. It's so vital.

Speaker 6 That's what everyone's going to remember about Coach K.

Speaker 6 Unless they win it all.

Speaker 6 That's the only way.

Speaker 8 Listen, these players are under a lot of pressure, a lot of scrutiny. It's not like a normal college program where they're, you know, a highly ranked team going to the tournament.

Speaker 8 They're highly ranked, and they have all the world watching them, expecting them to win one last championship for Coach K.

Speaker 8 And last night was a lot of pressure. They had everyone watching.
They probably caved to that pressure, weren't able to handle it. And the only takeaway that's good is that they felt that.

Speaker 8 They felt that pain. They now know what they need to do in the ACC tournament and the NCAA tournament to win.

Speaker 6 So hopefully that's a good takeaway.

Speaker 8 Other than that, that was a disaster. That's why I did bet Carolina plus 11.
We talked about it. Carolina needed to win.
They had nothing to lose. Duke players had everything to lose.

Speaker 8 You kind of saw it at the end of the game where it's like they got...

Speaker 8 It was kind of close, and then Carolina just blew them out of the water. It was ugly.
It was an ugly, ugly, ugly loss.

Speaker 6 Beautiful.

Speaker 8 But yeah, Coach K is still a legend. Grace to ever do it.

Speaker 6 Also, afterwards, it was like, yeah, but we won the regular season. Who does that? Who celebrates regular season titles?

Speaker 6 Fucking loser talk. They didn't even have any bloggers on the court.
Yeah.

Speaker 6 And it wasn't even. How would Hank's looking right now? Let's just address this right now because we're not going to retape, but Wisconsin might lose to Nebraska.

Speaker 6 And if they do, they still win a share of the Big Ten or maybe even outright if Iowa beats Illinois tonight. It's fine.
I'm just going to have some PS5s I'm going to give away on Twitter.

Speaker 6 It would have been very funny if they had invited Hank down onto the court, like Big Cat got invited for Wisconsin to give a speech at the end of it. Yeah.
Our most notable

Speaker 6 I won money, plus 11, UNC.

Speaker 8 It was also somewhat like, I felt bad for the players. It was a good thing.
They probably felt bad when Coach K was like, I would just like to say that was unacceptable.

Speaker 8 Like, they already felt bad when they had to come out in the court, and then he basically like shit on them in front of everyone to make them feel worse.

Speaker 6 No, there's like a Coach K's job is not over yet, so he's probably going to do some crazy Coach K things this week and next week to motivate his teams. He probably won't even let them practice.

Speaker 6 He's like, you're not worthy of being in the arena that bears my name. Didn't he also say he said the UNC, what's their player, Bakutt? IOC.
Bakecott. I'm Bakot.

Speaker 6 Who is the ACC player of the year?

Speaker 6 Just like a total fuck you to Paolo. I mean, it's, yeah, he's got to motivate them.
He's got to keep, but it was an impossible spot for them.

Speaker 6 They had like half of the NBA watching as they had the most pressure. You can't lose this game, Coach K.

Speaker 6 Ceremonies upon ceremonies, routines all out of shot. It's not about Coach K, but it is about Coach K, but it's not about Coach K.
And then they choked.

Speaker 6 I bet you Coach K is going to continue to go to games and probably sit like right behind the bench. Yes.
Like he's going to be coaching from the stands next year.

Speaker 6 He's also going to absolutely try to coach another game at some point.

Speaker 6 You know he will. He's going to be like the champions classic.

Speaker 6 He's going to, you know, the first game, like, I wouldn't be shocked if the first game of the year next year, he's like, listen, John Shire,

Speaker 6 it's your program, but I want to coach against Cal, my buddy, one last time. Come on.
You know what they should do?

Speaker 6 They should take all the old coaches that have retired that are iconic and symbols of their university and just have them coach the Maui tournament every year. Yeah.

Speaker 6 Just like put on the Hawaiian shirts. You're basically retired.
Bobby Knight. Yeah.
Have Bobby Knight go out there, try to punch a ref one last time.

Speaker 6 It was a great night of college basketball. I couldn't even have gone out like Jim Boeheim, who's going out, you know, starting all of his sons and being under 500 and choking games away.

Speaker 6 That would have been nice.

Speaker 9 It's going to be the first time ever, unless they win two games this week, that they're under 500.

Speaker 6 Turns out, sir,

Speaker 6 we like the Bayheims, but we like Buddy and Jimmy. But AWLs.
That was bad. That was a bad game.
Yeah, they blew it.

Speaker 6 Has college basketball caught up to the zone? Well, no, I don't think so, but maybe if like 60% of your starting lineup is related to you, that might be a problem.

Speaker 6 Yeah, I do think, though, PFT, I'm going to miss Coach K, not only because he's a heel, he's a great heel.

Speaker 6 Like, one of the all-time, if you don't like Duke, and I think a lot of people don't, he's so perfect to hate.

Speaker 6 And also, we're going to lose, I feel like we're losing a little bit of an era because when Jim Boeheim,

Speaker 6 you know, goes out to pasture, Rick Petino, who knows where he's going to go next, Cal, like the era of these college coaches that are bigger than life feels like it's dying a little bit.

Speaker 6 Like the guys we have right now are not old school legends. Tomizzo is the other one, too.
Tom Izzo. But

Speaker 6 even Mark Pew

Speaker 6 or Chris Beard or

Speaker 6 Tony Bennett. These guys aren't, they're great coaches, but they're not like these titans that feel like they're hovering over everything.

Speaker 6 Rick Barnes, to a certain extent, he's just been around for a while. Right.

Speaker 6 But they're not. You're right.
It's not the coach. Coach K is college basketball.
He is Duke. He gave the program back to Duke, by the way.
He said it's been mine for 42 years, but now it's theirs.

Speaker 6 So that was his parting gift he got a bench and then in return he gave duke its program back that's very nice of him yes where where does one put a bench how do you get that bench home i'd assume it's wait is he did he get a bench or did the bench get named after him

Speaker 6 i'll double check i think it's the coach k bench at the coach k's court at cameron indoor i'm just gonna say like if anybody here ever thinks about getting me a bench for an occasion just pass just go to option b on that one i got enough benches okay benches ain't shit Shit.

Speaker 6 I gotta return that thing. All right.

Speaker 6 What else we got? What else? I mean, that was, I'm seriously, I woke up so happy today. It's just so much fun.
I love sports. I love sports.

Speaker 6 It did feel like it was the end of an era, not just for Coach K, but it's like. Is there anything? For those of us that grew up watching those old college basketball ranges, it's like, okay, this is.

Speaker 6 I remember when Shaq retired. That's when I really felt old for the first time as a sports fan.
Coach K's retirement definitely makes me feel old. Yes.
What were you going to say, Hank?

Speaker 8 Jake, what are the chances that Ducal's concert are in the same bracket?

Speaker 9 One would have to be a two and a three because, or if they both win their conference tournament, there's a chance both could be a one slim.

Speaker 6 Is Coach K? I mean, Coach K is just going to get, he's going to request to just be in the final four.

Speaker 6 I think

Speaker 6 they probably let him, yeah.

Speaker 6 Right? He's already picking his stadium and the time of day that his game tips off at. Why, Hank, you want a shot? You want another shot? Yeah.

Speaker 9 I mean, that's fine. Could I be in the final four?

Speaker 6 Again, i i am uh like i've explained my hate it's it's all out there i i don't i'm i'm not winning titles i i am obviously there's jealousy involved there's hatred because they're just good and every year they've been good for my entire life uh none of this is like new it's that's how could how can you call yourself a sports fan if you don't hate the team that dominates right

Speaker 6 Like you have to well, the thing is you have to hate the team on the top.

Speaker 6 I think that Coach K is kind of like Patriots adjacent just in the fact that he's been so good for so long, and he goes about it in kind of like a Belichickian, prickly type way.

Speaker 6 I think Hank has no choice but to respect Coach K for that. Yeah, it reminds him too much of his own excellence.
Okay, he got a bench. He just got a bench.

Speaker 6 He could be, he's basically with the Washington football team. No, no, it's not.
The Dallas Cowboys brought it up. Yeah, we're bringing benches to stadium.
So is it heated?

Speaker 6 Did Johnny Davis just get hurt while I was doing that whole thing?

Speaker 6 He got fouled. I know, and I think he got fouled pretty well.
He kind of bumped his knee pretty bad. You know what else was great about Saturday night?

Speaker 6 It was like back-to-back.

Speaker 9 Trey McAllen's ejected for a flagrant too on Johnny Davis.

Speaker 6 Yeah, but I don't know if he got hurt. But go ahead.
But Saturday night, back-to-back, you had Coach K and everybody getting to laugh at Coach K's last game.

Speaker 6 And then the other thing that could only unite most of America, besides watching Coach K get dunked on, Greg Hardy getting the shit kicked out of him. Yes.
I love that. Everyone can get behind that.

Speaker 6 It was just, it was a night of

Speaker 6 seeing the bad guys lose. Yeah, it was.
If LeBron had just, if LeBron had like lost by 30 to the Warriors, it would have been the perfect night. And Poona gotten assassinated? Yes.

Speaker 6 All of everything would have just come up here. But yeah,

Speaker 6 it was a hell of a night, and you're right. Greg Hardy, although I think Dana White, like, his contract is up.
He's got to keep him, right?

Speaker 6 It's one of those things. Just so that we can keep? Yeah, it's one of those things where I think even Dana White is like, this guy is such a piece of shit that I I don't want to pay him.
Yeah.

Speaker 6 Even though he puts butts in seats. That's what happened.

Speaker 6 Like Dana White on the way up, he would a million times out of a million take a guy like Greg Hardy and make him like the focus of multiple pay-per-views. Right.
And just to get the money.

Speaker 6 But now that Dana White's got fuck you money, I'd actually argue that Dana White with fuck you money is a... is a very dangerous thing.
Yes.

Speaker 6 But in this case, Dana is just like, you know what? I don't need that guy. Not going to pay him.
He's a scumbag. Yeah.

Speaker 6 Anything else from Saturday or that we missed this weekend, Jake?

Speaker 9 uh best time of the year again best time of the year yep we've got three teams with their tickets punched you want to you want to list them for us uh one of them is ongoing but we've got murray state out of the ohio valley conference uh we've got longwood making their first ever appearance out of the big south

Speaker 9 and then we've either got loyal to chicago or drake just started the second half of arch madness Missouri Valley.

Speaker 6 This is Marsh.

Speaker 6 I love Arch Madness. It's the best.

Speaker 9 It's awesome. It's a great tournament.

Speaker 6 All right. So, anything else?

Speaker 9 So, many who's back is Sister Jean. Even if they lose, they have a chance to win.

Speaker 6 Sister Jean is back.

Speaker 6 There's no premature thing. She's so low.

Speaker 6 No, this is like the Queen of England thing. They replaced her with a different Sister Jean.
She's going to live

Speaker 6 forever.

Speaker 9 Forever. So they might get it

Speaker 6 even if they lose.

Speaker 6 Okay, let's do Who's Back of the Week, and then we will have our interview with Burt Kreischer. Great interview.
Awesome interview. Highly recommend it.

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Speaker 6 Okay, Henry.

Speaker 6 Danny. Henry.
Henry.

Speaker 8 This is a risky who's back by me because it's currently a tied game with 314 left. But either way, Celtics are back.
They had some trouble early in the year.

Speaker 8 They were blowing a lot of fourth quarter leads. They have fully figured it out.
Their defense is unbelievable. I think right now they're second in the league defensively, soon to be first.

Speaker 8 Right now, they are up. Yeah, LeBron dropped like 55 on the Warriors last night, and that almost pushed the Celtics into the top spot.
But they're up one right now against the Nets.

Speaker 8 Either way, they're either going to have one 13 out of 15 or 12 out of 15. They're a legitimate contender.
The Sixers are good. The Celtics are good.
The Nets might be good. It's going to be exciting.

Speaker 8 You know, in the beginning of the year, I didn't think that the Celtics had a shot to win the East. Now I do.

Speaker 8 And the Cavs are good in the Central Division.

Speaker 6 Balls? Did you see the Big Dicks? And the Bucks. Did you see what happened to Big Baby at courtside?

Speaker 8 I did. That's, yeah, Big Baby.

Speaker 6 That was funny. That was a fall from Grace.
That was very funny.

Speaker 6 The past few years.

Speaker 8 Big Baby was courtside, and they cut to him during the game right as the usher was kicking him out of his seat.

Speaker 6 Yeah, it was great. That is very funny.
It was a tough scene.

Speaker 8 That is very tough for Big Babe.

Speaker 6 You're going to mention the Bulls? They can't beat anyone good. No.
It's actually really bad. Yeah, and I'm Calvin.
Maybe they won't have to play anyone good at the Bulls.

Speaker 8 I need the Bulls and Bucks to eat each other alive and the Cavs will win the Central Division.

Speaker 6 So, where do we say? Are we all the way back in on the Celtics? You don't think that they need to blow it up? You don't think they need to trade

Speaker 8 offseason? All the way back in. They're really, really good.
They're playing really well defensively. They're unbelievable.
I think

Speaker 8 the Sixers would be favored in a playoff series, but it would be exciting.

Speaker 6 Is it finals or bust?

Speaker 8 I would say finals or bust.

Speaker 8 You can make the finals, though. It's not bust.
It's not like if we don't make the finals, blow the team up.

Speaker 6 The East is going to be.

Speaker 6 It's the first year of a new coach.

Speaker 6 in first place.

Speaker 6 Yeah, the East is going to be very, very fun. I mean, you versus Sixers would be all-time.
I know. All-time.
Jay, can you find out about Johnny Davis? Because I don't know if he's on the bench.

Speaker 6 I'm starting to get very worried. Which would be like, wouldn't this just be

Speaker 6 if he tore his ACL while I was doing my Duke rant? Yeah.

Speaker 6 That would be some karma right there.

Speaker 8 Jay's hit him 49 points.

Speaker 6 Coach Karma. I'm starting to silently freak out.

Speaker 6 Okay, I'm happy for you, Hank. Thanks.
And you still have Duke. Yeah.

Speaker 6 Like Coach K said, there's still a lot of basketball left. We got to figure out, I feel like we got to bring back LeBron Lockwood this postseason.

Speaker 6 If Duke wins a natty, will you get a cat?

Speaker 6 Nah.

Speaker 8 I'm done with cat bets.

Speaker 6 Okay. Soft.

Speaker 8 If you risk a cat as well, I'm not doing a cat bet unless you guys have something on the line, too. Like, that was a, you forced me into potentially getting a cat.

Speaker 6 We kind of did strong army into the whole cat thing. Yeah.
Would have been funny.

Speaker 6 A little hyperallogenic cat, shaved cat. Hairless.
Hairless cat.

Speaker 6 Okay, PFT, your who's back. My who's back of the week is Max Homa.
Yes. Max Homa's back.
Had an ace, had a hole in one, looked good doing it. Good celebration from Max.
Real tournament?

Speaker 6 He figured out that you can't miss a two-foot putt if you just hit it in on your first shot. So

Speaker 6 Max is all the way back. I love Max Homa.
Max is good for golf, officially in my book. Yes, absolutely.
I was shocked. I was shocked that he was playing on Saturday.
Yep.

Speaker 6 Because it is a real tournament. I dubbed it the fifth major Arnold Palmer Classic.

Speaker 6 And I also, like, he, credit to me,

Speaker 6 I like to make fun of Max. I didn't make fun of him when he hit that.
I just asked if it was a real tournament. But it also, like, I saw it.
Did you guys see it? It was like 11 a.m.

Speaker 6 So it tells you where he was on the leaderboard. Yeah.

Speaker 6 It was just like, oh, okay.

Speaker 6 He's playing. Oh, he's already on this hole.
That was early. Maybe it was a shotgun start.
Yeah, that's true. That's probably what it was.
That's true. It definitely was

Speaker 6 implement weather. Yep, yep, weather delay.
Yep. Yep.
He was in the last group. Yes.
Yes. Group of death.
My other who's back of the week is shorts. Yeah.
Shorts are back.

Speaker 6 It's like 65 degrees in New York.

Speaker 6 Smells like golf. I'm rocking shorts, baby.
Shorts are back, but this is one of those fake shorts days where you just know next week it's going to be 29 degrees. Yep.

Speaker 6 And now I'm going to be all behind because once I mentally transition into shorts, I just don't go back. Correct.

Speaker 6 And so I'll get caught with like wearing these shorts when it's freezing outside, looking like a fool walking down the street.

Speaker 6 You know the color that your legs get when it's really cold? It's like a bright red mixed with ashiness. That's what I'm gonna be looking like next week, but I can't go back.

Speaker 6 I've officially made the mental transition. I'm a shorts guy now.
I have the reverse going on where I'm gonna try to hold on to the sweatshirt weather for as long as possible.

Speaker 6 So probably the next three weeks will just be me sweating profusely because it's 70 degrees and I'm wearing a hoodie. Yeah.
Being like, just hold on, just hold on.

Speaker 6 What I'll do is I'll make the switch into shorts, but then I'll just compensate via my top as to what the actual weather is.

Speaker 6 So if it's like 29 degrees, I'll rock a puffer jacket, like a dead set winter jacket with shorts just because I refuse to go back from my waist down. Yeah.
All right, my who's back is

Speaker 6 combine numbers, crazy combine numbers. So we had Jordan Davis.
Turns out Georgia was a good football team last year. Jordan Davis, 6'6, 341 pounds, running a 4'7-8-40.
A 4'7-8-40.

Speaker 6 Now, he's pretty much a car. It's crazy.

Speaker 6 The fastest defensive lineman 40 was Montez Sweat, who ran a 4-4-1-40. Montez Sweat is 80 pounds lighter than Jordan Davis.
That's so crazy fast for Montez Sweat. But he's 80 pounds lighter.

Speaker 6 Jordan Davis is basically, he's like a baby rhino. Yeah.
Able to move that fast. It's insane what they're able to do.

Speaker 6 I remember, was it dantary poe that broke five seconds like 10 years ago yeah and everybody freaked the fuck out yeah this is actually this is this is terrifying it's terrifying he's 6'6 341 he ran a 4'7 840 also his teammate trayvon walker run a ran a 4'5 140 he's 272 pounds it's like oh yeah it turns out georgia was really really good really fast and really strong my favorite little drama inside the combine this year is uh they switched to a new timer so in years past doing the hand times it was charlie casserole Charlie Casterly was doing it, which is, that's such a funny, like, old scout thing to have associated with you.

Speaker 6 It's like, no, Charlie's the best at a stopwatch. He's the best stopwatch guy we got.
Yeah. So they switched out, got a new guy, and now all the unofficial times are just all over the map.

Speaker 6 It's not even that they're all faster or all slower. They're just a bad timer.
Whoever's running the stopwatch this year, probably won and done. I love the fact, though, yeah, Charlie

Speaker 6 Caserly being the stopwatch guy, which haven't they figured out how to do it without a stopwatch?

Speaker 6 Yeah, there's lots of ways that they can do it, but I kind of like having a stopwatch guy, but he's 74 years old, but he's like, this guy's got the reflexes of a 25-year-old. Of a mongoose.

Speaker 6 He's ready to go. There's that old bitch.
Yeah, there's Sir Gene. She's got a little balloon.

Speaker 6 Hey, bleep that out. I shouldn't bracelet.
I shouldn't call it nun. No, let your hate.
Listen, this is the hate show. I should be calling a nun a bitch.
If you want to do it, you can.

Speaker 6 Don't bleep it out. Leave it in.

Speaker 6 That was hateful. I'll admit it.
That one was hateful. As a fan of God,

Speaker 6 I should not be saying that. As a man of God, I should not be saying that, Sister Gene.
We also kind of a bitch, though.

Speaker 6 She's

Speaker 6 coach Katie about herself. That is not the original Sister Gene.
Yeah, it is. That's not.
No, it's not.

Speaker 8 She's been replaced. Dumbledore situation.

Speaker 6 Yeah. Well, is she wearing? Is that a

Speaker 6 Gryffindor scarf that she's wearing? It's pretty similar pants on. Yeah.
Yeah. I've never actually read the books.

Speaker 6 All right, my other who's back is those. So the sticking on the combine real quick,

Speaker 6 it's hot in the streets now to have videos of players doing something really nice. So, Malik Willis was the original QB prospect, probably going to be the first QB taken in the draft.

Speaker 6 He was videotaped. Now, this one, I believe, because it was videotaped, it was someone who was in a bar, and across the street, they saw Malik Willis giving some of his clothes to a homeless person.

Speaker 6 The one that we saw today, where it was EJ Perry from Brown, shout out to Schwam.

Speaker 6 He was picking up trash after the combine workout, and and it was like the woman who videotaped it was very close to him, and she wasn't picking up any trash. She was just watching him.

Speaker 6 Like, they were, she was probably like 25 feet away. She said every piece of trash got picked up.
I don't know how much trash that these guys normally produce at the combine.

Speaker 6 Like, when you're waiting, you're just snacking, just like putting away like dunkaroos and drinking all sport or whatever. But there were like all these plastic bottles, all these wrappers.

Speaker 6 He's picking it all up. He knew that the camera was on him, and that's fine.

Speaker 6 But yeah, now if you're going to draft a quarterback that has not been caught on camera doing a good deed,

Speaker 6 I don't know if I can get behind that.

Speaker 6 I feel like these, it's a group of great athletes, but even better young men. How weird is that, though, to be like,

Speaker 6 I'm going to basically videotape him within earshot just so I can go viral, but like it's, I don't know. The Malik Willis one was cool.
So the Malik Willis. This one was like a terrible sequel.

Speaker 6 The guy that posted the video of the Malik Willis one is a sports marketing person. Oh.
Now, a lot of people, and I know Billy, judging by the look on Billy's face,

Speaker 6 Billy was about to chime in being like, that one was set up because the guy that videotaped is in sports marketing.

Speaker 6 I think it's also very, very possible that there was a guy that was videotaping who happens to work in sports marketing that was at the combine because there are a lot of those guys down there. Yes.

Speaker 6 That's like everybody down there is in sports marketing.

Speaker 10 This was also my who's back, but doing some Pythagorean theorem on Malik Willis's absolute gigantic throw.

Speaker 10 So he threw it 60 yards down the field, but if you like do the hypotenuse of how actually far you threw in a straight line, it got out to 73.72.

Speaker 6 Okay, compare that to the sick throw that Zach Wilson made at his pro day last year.

Speaker 10 This one's up there. This one's right.
I would say this is extremely impressive, especially from the shotgun, being able to throw it that far.

Speaker 6 What about his spiral? Is it fuckable?

Speaker 10 His spiral is pretty. You know who has a really sick spiral? I'm actually out of all the guys I was looking at,

Speaker 6 Desmond Ritter has a nice spiral.

Speaker 10 Cincinnati guy, he gives me Justin Herbert type vibes.

Speaker 6 Oh, but definitely not as strong of an arm.

Speaker 10 I think it could be there.

Speaker 6 Justin Herbert has like a really, really strong arm.

Speaker 6 Not, I mean, not

Speaker 6 fuckable spirals, fuck fuckable spirals. So I'm going to back you on that part.
Like, if you see it, if you see a spiral, you're like, damn, that spiral is sexy.

Speaker 6 I'm going to, I'm going to check it out too. I'm going to follow it on Instagram.
Are you going to do your quarterback bracket?

Speaker 10 Yes, I'm working on that. I actually have a bunch of stuff.
Like, Carson Strong also has a great spiral, but great quarterback name. Not

Speaker 10 his immobility.

Speaker 6 Nevada?

Speaker 10 Yeah, it doesn't make up with his spiral just enough, but

Speaker 10 guys like Sam Howell have a good spiral, but

Speaker 6 I don't think he's got. All right, so I want a quarterback bracket of how you think their careers are going to go, and then I want a quarterback spiral bracket.
Okay, all right.

Speaker 6 Perfect. And then you can bring them together, and that will be how we find out who should get drafted first.
All right, what's your who's back, Billy? That was your who's back. Yeah, that was.

Speaker 6 All right, Jake, your who's back. Also, what do you got on JD Davis?

Speaker 6 It looks like he got hit in the face.

Speaker 6 This is me.

Speaker 9 I don't see anything.

Speaker 6 Okay.

Speaker 6 All right.

Speaker 6 I'm nervous. I'm afraid you're nervous.
Okay. I don't know.

Speaker 9 But Envision's a sister, Gene. My other who's back is Magic Johnson on television.
Yes.

Speaker 9 NBA Countdown. So it's Greenie, Stephen A., Will Bond, and Magic.

Speaker 6 Wow. And also the new Showtime

Speaker 6 HBO

Speaker 6 show. What is it called? It's Showtime, I think.
Showtime.

Speaker 6 Showtime. I read the first 20 pages of that book.
That's very confusing. There's a show on HBO called Showtime.
Yeah.

Speaker 6 That's how he's also back.

Speaker 9 That's about the late. He's got some hot takes.
He called out Russell Westbrook about making excuses. So it should be fun to have him for the home stretch of the season.

Speaker 6 I love it. I just love Greene up there because nobody takes anything that he says seriously on that show.
I want one of them to just be.

Speaker 6 One of them needs to go full troll and be like, advanced numbers say Russell Westbrook's actually having an incredible season. The problem is, like, look at the people that are on that panel.
I can't.

Speaker 6 Wilbond is not a. He's always naturally trollish.
Yeah. But I don't think that he would ever stand for, he would never try to piss anybody off intentionally.
His existence just says that naturally.

Speaker 6 Like if they, if they really, that's what I need, though. I need someone to

Speaker 6 essentially say, like, if you look at the advanced stats, the problem with the Lakers are they're actually not getting Russell Westbrook the ball enough. He needs to take more shots.

Speaker 9 He really called him Westbrook on the Broadway.

Speaker 6 Oh, he did. Yeah.
He really does.

Speaker 6 I appreciate watching Russell Westbrook at this point in his career because, and it's kind of been

Speaker 6 his whole career, but at least he was better before this year.

Speaker 6 He really is just the epitome of like, if I try hard enough, it will work. Like, if I dribble hard enough, if I run hard enough, if I shoot hard enough, if I pass hard enough, if I yell hard enough.

Speaker 6 Yeah. You know, the way that he plays is actually, he should play the way that Ben Simmons plays.
Yeah.

Speaker 6 He should have, like, Ben Simmons and him, if they, like, switch their confidence levels, I think both players would be better. Yeah, you're right.
You're absolutely right.

Speaker 6 We need a freaky Friday situation.

Speaker 6 All right, let's get to our interview. Awesome interview.
Burt Kreischer. Before we do that, PFT, you have...

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Speaker 6 Okay, we now welcome on a very special guest. You want to clap too? I was about to.
I do it. There's no reason.
We have a sound guy who literally slates it, but I have to clap.

Speaker 6 It's something about it. I've been doing it forever.
Have to clap.

Speaker 6 That laugh, that is Burt Kreischer. It's great to be here.
It's great. This is an honor.
It's just like,

Speaker 6 you guys are legendary in the whole podcast realm. And so to be here is an honor.
That's

Speaker 6 nice to hear. I would say that you're a legend.
Like your reputation.

Speaker 6 I imagine you're a guy whose reputation, even before you were like a famous guy, your reputation probably preceded you a lot of places that you went. Yeah, but not in a good way.

Speaker 6 Like, in the way, like, don't invite him over. We're having kids over.
He'll take a shit on a bed and throw up on the wall.

Speaker 6 Like, and then, because that was like, I get a reputation for that because that maybe it happened or something. And then, yeah.

Speaker 6 And then all of a sudden, you had to live it down and be like, yo, I can also be like Billy Gardell. You know, Billy Gardell from Mike and Molly? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 6 He was like, one time he was having all all our friends over with all their families. He's like, not the Chrysers.
He's like, you can't fucking trust the Chryslers.

Speaker 6 I go, Billy, I can also be a fucking grown-up.

Speaker 6 So for how long?

Speaker 6 I can be a grown-up for as long as anyone else can be a grown-up. But here's the problem.
I'm going to also ask you not to be a grown-up at a certain point.

Speaker 6 And if you want to join in on that, then that's on you. Like, if you do Coke at a fucking kid's birthday party, it does not matter that maybe I had it.
You're the one asked for it.

Speaker 6 Like, I'm the parent that they always go uh

Speaker 6 uh Sandy said you have a vape pen on you I'm like yeah yeah of course you know what it's like you're like a gun because you're good to have around in case you need them no right that's not that by the way that's not where I thought this analogy was going I'm like a gun in that if you use me wrong it's your fault right no no it's it's all these things you're a gun if you go somewhere you might not need a gun but you'd rather have the gun and not need it than need it and not have it lock you up and then lock you up every now and then

Speaker 6 you got to put me down for a a sabbatical and get me out of like away from yeah yeah from children yeah yeah i'm aware of who i am when we did the movie we were just talking about tatra when we did the movie i was away i was hyper aware of how people perceive me just reading about me or learning about me because like everyone's like you can't trust this guy he's a fucking wildfire because they're thinking that i'm like farley or balushi like because i'm like but i'm not i show up sober i do i work sober i'm not i'm not drunk right now i drove here i'm having coffee to you guys show a high noon up i'll drink one but that's how i work it's like i'm i get my my shit done.

Speaker 6 It's not an accident that I'm here.

Speaker 6 But like, but people were, you could tell. Mark Hamill was like, kept his eye on me, like waiting for it to explode.
Yeah, it's like a balloon someone blew up too much.

Speaker 6 So, wait, so the movie, it's not, we don't know when it's coming out yet, but it is with our good friend Jimmy Tatro. Yep, it's live.
It's called The Machine. And that is your nickname that you got.

Speaker 6 Can you tell the story for people who don't know the story? I got involved with the Russian mafia when I was 22, and I

Speaker 6 was taking Russian classes. I didn't learn anything.
We went to Russia, the mob ran everything. And they gave us two young gangsters, two banditi, to kind of chaperone us, to like shadow us.

Speaker 6 And I planned a sentence. I was going to say,

Speaker 6 that's what I was going to say. But it means, hello, my name is Bert.
It's very nice to meet you. I work pussy.
And when the door opened, I was looking at a fucking gangster, and I froze.

Speaker 6 And he just went,

Speaker 6 like, what the fuck do you want? And I just, I meant to say, And for anyone Russian, I meant to say, I'm the man, which is Yamashina. But I said, Yamashinu, which means technically, I'm a car.

Speaker 6 And he started laughing and he goes, what did you say? And I go, I just said it again. I was like, I'm the machine.
And he brought me in, said, tell them what you said.

Speaker 6 And I was like, I'm the fucking machine. And they loved it.
They loved it. And we drank all night long.
All I knew how to say in their language was, I'm the machine. And I fuck cats.
That's it.

Speaker 6 And so, so I got the nickname, the machine. And, and, uh, and then ultimately we ended up robbing a train.
So

Speaker 6 you passed over that part. You got to use your passive voice.
Like, the train was robbed. Yeah.
The train was robbed. And by the way,

Speaker 6 I really think a lot, every guy would have robbed that train. So tell us, yeah, tell us what, I mean, it does sound like you had no choice but to rob that train.
Okay. So I party with this guy that

Speaker 6 meets me at the door, Igor, good guy. And you understand things were a little different in Russia.
We stole a boat. We ran a pool hall scam.
Like, you could just see that things were a little freer.

Speaker 6 And so we take this overnight train trip to Moscow and Igor tells me, he goes, I can't go. He's like, different mafia runs a train.
Different mafia runs Moscow. Don't worry, though.

Speaker 6 I had to set it up. They're going to take care of you.
And when I got there, they looked like two kids on Christmas. They were like, oh, I can't wait to play with the machine.

Speaker 6 They're like, the machine said some first class. And so I'm like, fuck yeah.
And we're drinking booze. The conductor comes in, rips off the stars and stripes to his shirt, gives them to me.

Speaker 6 He's like, it would be an honor to do a shot of vodka with the machine. I'm like, I'm literally like, fuck it.
I'm in the mob. I'll do whatever the fuck I want.

Speaker 6 We roll, we drink all the booze in an hour, go to the bar cart to get a, get more booze. And the Igor says to me in Russian, he goes, Machine, go behind the bar and grab bread.
Kleb is bread.

Speaker 6 And I understood him. And I'm now I'm in this moment where I go, I'm fucking learning.
Like this is immersion. I'm learning my way, not through flashcards and textbooks, but by joining the mafia.

Speaker 6 This is how you learn the language. I'm behind the bar.
And I'm like, I say the guy, I know what you're saying. And he's like, go for you, machine.
Can the machine find cheese?

Speaker 6 And I was like, See, geez, I got it. Give me another one.
He's like, grab vodka. I was like, all right, another one.
Give me another one. He's like, grab the money.

Speaker 6 And at that moment, I realized cutely, we're robbing the bar.

Speaker 6 And I realized he's going through people's pockets and the bartender's frozen like this. And I'm behind the bar robbing the bar.
And I'm like, mother fucker.

Speaker 6 And then I took the guy's shit. We leave.

Speaker 6 It actually, I just, I was like, I'm not going to go against the, like, the guy said, take the money. I'm like, the way you just explained it, like, you did have no choice.
You had to rob that person.

Speaker 6 Yeah. We go back to our first class cabin.
Teacher comes back. Who, by the way, did not speak Russian, okay? English teacher.
Your teacher from college. Chaperone.
I didn't know the woman.

Speaker 6 She was a chaperone for the trip. She was just a teacher at Florida State.
She swings the door open with that liberal arts confidence. It's like, this shit is fucking over.

Speaker 6 She's talking to me and the mafia. You're done, mister.
Get up right now. And Big Igor takes a sip of vodka, spits it in her eyes, and goes, no one talks to the machine like that.

Speaker 6 Shuts the door in her face and he's like, fuck that bitch. This is Russia.
Don't worry, machine. When it gets dark, we we have a good time.
I'm like, what the fuck are we doing when it gets dark?

Speaker 6 Reaches in his pocket, pulls out a ring of keys. He's like, we're robbing the whole fucking train.

Speaker 6 So

Speaker 6 robbed the whole train. Robbed the whole train.

Speaker 6 Here's what's

Speaker 6 fascinating about the story is I posted this on Facebook like five years ago. That's why when it went viral, I didn't think anyone was going to see it.
And what happened is it started going viral.

Speaker 6 My wife told me and I was like, no way. And I had to figure out why it was going viral because I had told it before and it didn't go viral.
What happened was the way the algorithm worked at the time

Speaker 6 when you shared the story on your facebook the first comment that would show up under your

Speaker 6 under your story on your page was the top comment from my page the one that most people interacted with the top comment from my page was left by left by a woman i won't say her name so i don't blow her up but you can find it uh and

Speaker 6 uh and she's her name i think his name's susan or kristen i'm not gonna so you did say her name yeah yeah i didn't want to say her last name poor girl woman gets hounded

Speaker 6 Her comment read, I was in Burt's Russian class. I was on this trip.
This story is 100% true. He fucking robbed us.
And then she tagged everyone in my class. Oh, God.

Speaker 6 So if you want to see what Igor looks like, what I look like,

Speaker 6 they posted pictures of it. They posted pictures of the morning of the robbery because we robbed the whole class.
We robbed everyone. And then we pulled in Moscow, fucking wasted.

Speaker 6 Wait, so you robbed your classmates. Did you go back to the class after? Or no? That was it.

Speaker 6 I robbed the whole fucking train. We robbed my, we robbed me.
My bag was with them.

Speaker 6 I robbed my bag. Like, because I was with the two guys.
We robbed the whole fucking train, pulling to Moscow. I'm fucking top five drunk as I've ever been.

Speaker 6 Train stops, sun's up, door opens, same teacher's like, not mad, right? Looks at me and goes, I want you to know they've alerted the police.

Speaker 6 And I see two cops on the platform talking to my whole class. They're in the pajamas.
They're upset. They've been robbed.
I get it, you know. Big Igor's completely unfazed.
He's like, don't worry.

Speaker 6 I speak to police for both of us. Walks out, grabs one of the cops, spins him around, and just starts going, fuck you, fuck, we fuck you in the mouth.
We fuck.

Speaker 6 I'm like, stop with the fucking wee shit.

Speaker 6 Cop waves me over. I walk over to the cop, who, by the way, is standing in front of the class.
I just robbed. Next to the gangster, I robbed them with.

Speaker 6 All I'm thinking is, this is not how I plan on spending my second junior year in college.

Speaker 6 I get five steps from the cop, and he looks impatient as fuck. He takes two big steps, grabs me by the the arm pulls me into his face and he goes so

Speaker 6 i understand you're the machine

Speaker 6 tonight you party with us i was like i was like wait wait i go i'm not in trouble and he gets so close to me i can smell his morning cigarette and he's like no

Speaker 6 that bitch this is russia

Speaker 6 so so we did not get in trouble we we definitely had a meeting we definitely had a meeting that sucks by the elevators uh yeah yeah that sucks it's but you were the machine well no my friend igor was like hey man i i gave them burt for a reason like if if they had nothing to do, bash it would have happened.

Speaker 6 But they party with Bert. What's fucking crazy about this story? 100% true.

Speaker 6 In Moscow, we had to go back to St. Petersburg.
We had the same two gangsters. And my teachers were like, hey, apparently,

Speaker 6 we need you to party with them. And just like a rodeo clown, like distract them.
So we got on the train. I partied with them.
They took pictures of me shitting, which they had never.

Speaker 6 They were so easy to entertain because they had no frame of reference for like frat boy humor. Like, this is the lawnmower, huh, guys?

Speaker 6 hey and they're like this guy's fucking hilarious i learned how to say fat guy in a little coat and you know from fucking tommy boy yeah and they're dying loud who the fuck is this guy and they're like he's the machine so yeah so have you been back to russia since then i've not been are you allowed back that's the question like could you get through the border i you know what's so crazy i actually thought to myself and you know sometimes

Speaker 6 Okay, this is an ego thought, so bear with me, but do you ever think to yourself, like, fuck, does Tom Brady know who we are hank does yeah yeah

Speaker 6 hank was thanking that all last week he thanked hank in his retirement did he really yeah well hank went to jail for him really yes for deflate yeah

Speaker 6 he lost the rational thing but hank

Speaker 6 okay like that was like no that makes sense for deflate you're like oh okay okay all right weirder things have happened but do you ever go into that thing like uh like i tweeted at aaron rodgers one time just not like like hey man i'm in green bay doing a show uh if you want to get dinner it's gonna have to be early you know just like fucking around and then he DMs me.

Speaker 6 He's like, Yo, you fucking with me, bro. And then I'm like, Wait, Aaron Rodgers knows who I am? Like, and then you're like, Hold on, like, when did that happen?

Speaker 6 I was thinking to myself, right? So, Biden fucking hates Joe Rogan. Yeah, I mean, they're really the press secretary, is like, We got to get rid of Joe Rogan, which is crazy, one of my best friends.

Speaker 6 I've been on his podcast 30 times. Well, no, 26 now, right? Because you got four deleted.
I got four deleted.

Speaker 6 Thank God I'm sure. Update those.

Speaker 6 Fucking take them all down.

Speaker 6 So, but then you think, I wonder if Putin is like,

Speaker 6 you know, he knows Rogan because he loves MMA. Right.
I wonder if at any point someone said to Putin, hey, you've got to hear this machine story. It's pretty fucking good.
Yeah.

Speaker 6 I think it's the fact that it's been around and it's gone. So it's gone reviral like three or four times.
Yeah, yeah. So there's different

Speaker 6 million views. The movie, too, would, I feel like when the movie comes out, I would say Putin would know.
Yeah, and then he's always shirtless, right? Yep. I'm always shirtless.

Speaker 6 It's like, at one point, I'm wondering if I'll get the call, like, hey, someone wants to have drinks at you with the, and it'll be, I would love that. See, that's the problem.

Speaker 6 I want to party with, like, Kim Jong-un, Putin, all the people people hate, I think I get along well with. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 6 Definitely Putin. I think

Speaker 6 he loves a party with Putin. Putin's probably got access to drugs that you don't even know about.
Oh, yeah. The drugs that don't exist over there.
You have to play hockey with him, though.

Speaker 6 I'd fucking play hockey with him.

Speaker 8 Let him score.

Speaker 6 Would you let him score? It's the best when he gets. He'd be the quickest patsy you've ever.

Speaker 6 When he kisses, when he plays. You want to talk about a yes, man?

Speaker 6 I'm a dog kid. I'm a dog.

Speaker 6 I remember one time one of the guys in the mob was like, have you ever gotten the blowjob with machine gun out window? Just brillat right when you come. It's so good.

Speaker 6 That's the kind of shit I want to be around.

Speaker 6 I love that. Oh, man.

Speaker 6 I have a weird thing for that. That danger.
I'm oblivious American. Like, we spent the night in a favela in Brazil one night, and I got lost in a favela.
Like, just started walking around.

Speaker 6 Favelas are notoriously the most dangerous places you could ever be in Brazil. Yeah.
And they took us up on motorcycles, and the kids with the motorcycles left, took a foot.

Speaker 6 We were a trip flip, a travel channel. I just got lost, and I had the coolest fucking time.
So why, like, what is it about you? Because I could see it.

Speaker 6 Like, I think there's, I don't know, I don't know what it is, but there's clearly something that you have that, like, people would welcome you in. And it's like not, you know, you're not a danger.

Speaker 6 It's like, oh, this guy wants to party. I think I'm, I don't know, I don't know.
I'm like a drunk force gump. Like, I love, I love, I have, I have impulse control problems very badly.

Speaker 6 So like if someone says, let's do something, I'm the first one that's like, I'm definitely in.

Speaker 6 And I do it before. I think it through.
So sometimes I've said I'm in and then I sit back and go, shit, that doesn't, we don't leave for another week and a half. And I think I might have fucked up.

Speaker 6 Like, I don't want to go but then i go also like i jumped out of a plane totally fear of totally afraid of heights first person to jump off stratosphere that was just someone going do you want to do it i was like yes for tv yes it'll be badass and then the day i'm getting there i'm throwing up and i'm having dry heaves in a bathtub i'm literally having panic attacks i'm calling travel channels saying i picked the wrong show i need to get off this show so like i have impulse control problems and i don't

Speaker 6 And I think I'm a fun guy to party with. Yeah, I mean, I think a lot of it has to do with the laugh, too.
If somebody has a good laugh, then immediately like they're trustworthy, you know?

Speaker 6 And you're like, your whole face, like, your eyes laugh. Yeah, the laugh.
And so, yeah, so when you do that face that you're doing right now,

Speaker 6 if I'm a gangster and I see that face, like, I can't kill you. You're too cute.
You're adorable. Dude, when we first did a show in Mexico for Trip Flip, this is like, this is a long time ago.

Speaker 6 We had fixers, right? And like our fixers,

Speaker 6 one of our fixers brought me over and they're like, these guys want to meet you. So they were like fucking scary dudes in this really expensive sushi restaurant.

Speaker 6 And he's like, they wanted you to tell the machine story. And I was like, I don't know Spanish that well.
Like, I know it, but I can't do it in Spanish.

Speaker 6 And he said that to him, and he goes, it doesn't matter. I'll translate.
Go. And I was like, I don't think these are the guys you say no to.

Speaker 6 And they just kept bringing it over to Tequila and we're shooting tequila. And I was like,

Speaker 6 cuando, yo, soy, venti dos años.

Speaker 6 Like, it was fucking, but like, I also am super accommodating. I want to make sure, I think that's why I got into comedy.

Speaker 6 I want to make sure everyone has the best time possible when they're around me. I have, I get, I want, I want everyone to like me.
So like all those weird things mixed into one and I like drinking.

Speaker 6 And I'm from Florida. So like that, like you, all those things combined to get one fucked up person.
And I didn't realize that Van Wilder was written after you. Why aren't you suing them?

Speaker 6 So for, I think most people have seen the movie, but you haven't.

Speaker 6 How many years did you end up going to college for? Six?

Speaker 6 I went to college for six and a half years. And then

Speaker 6 Rolling Stone Magazine wrote an article about me, calling me the number one party animal in the country. And it changed my life.
I mean, Oliver Stone's company optioned the rights to my life.

Speaker 6 I, I mean, I was like, I got asked to be on Oprah. Like, I mean, it was a big ton of shit.
And then one,

Speaker 6 I moved to New York, started stand-up. And within six months, Will Smith discovered me.
So the option is still going on over to Oliver Stone's company. Will Smith discovers me.

Speaker 6 We start developing a script, sold it to Fox.

Speaker 6 And

Speaker 6 then the option from Oliver Stone kind of went away because my agents were like, hey, he needs to play this guy.

Speaker 6 Will Smith's backing him in a sitcom we want him attached and they're like that's not how this works right and so the option died and this is all by the way uh you know allegedly because we never did we never sued obviously i thank god but uh apparently the option ran out one of the guys who wrote one of the scripts for the option turned around sold it to national lampoon and uh

Speaker 6 and they they changed my name kept my friends names in it oddly and then um and then it became van wilder that's obviously what i've heard from the people that worked at Nasha Lampoon and from I've talked to the people that produced the movie.

Speaker 6 Well, and if you read the Rolling Stones article, the writer follows you around at Florida State as a whatever, six-year senior, and you're living that life. Yeah, it's weird because

Speaker 6 when we, because I submitted a script when they did the option, it was called The Undergraduates about four dudes, and they're like, no, it's got to be about a journalist because the journalist had sold his life or sold the rights to the article.

Speaker 6 Right. So they're like, it's got to be about a journalist and a party animal.
And I've never seen Van Wilder, but I guess that's what the movie's about. It is.
You've never seen it. No.

Speaker 6 There was never like a small part of you that was like,

Speaker 6 I want to go see the movie that's based on my life. I'm holding out Ryan Reynolds.
I'll watch it with Ryan Reynolds.

Speaker 6 Yeah. And

Speaker 6 I did a sitcom deal, a tentative sitcom deal with his company. I think they're called Dark Horse or something.

Speaker 6 And they're like, you've never seen the movie? And I was like, nah. And I was like, but I'll watch it with him.

Speaker 6 Because I don't want to like, it's like, when I was young, I was like, I want to be bigger than that movie. So, like, I want to, I don't want that movie to be who people think I am.
Right.

Speaker 6 And I think I've gotten bigger than the movie. Definitely bigger than the movie.
And so now

Speaker 6 it's like a nice subplot in my story. Yeah.
It's a very funny, like, oh, shit. I never really kind of made that fully.
Thank God I didn't sue. We were on Venice.

Speaker 6 Lawyers, agents, managers, everyone on the phone, the day the movie drops. And they're like, they're like, we're going to sue.
We're going to sue.

Speaker 6 And I had one manager, one manager who said, there's two people in this business, Papa. People who work and people who sue.
Pick which one you want to be. And I chose not to sue.

Speaker 6 And if I had sued, I'd be that kid for the rest of my life. Yeah, you would, because you would have gotten a settlement.
Everyone would have been like, oh, shit, you're the Van Wilder guy.

Speaker 6 And then I would have been the guy. I would have gone to bars.
I would have done what the Road Rules kids did and partied at bar ports. There was Van Wilder.
Okay, let's not. Let's not.

Speaker 6 No, it does become. Those guys are fucking like CT, Johnny Bonanza.
Those guys are legends. Don't get me started.
CT is a legit fucking legend. CT is a legit,

Speaker 6 the best hair in the goddamn business. Movie star good looks, fucking reality show personality.

Speaker 6 I had a, when I saw him in Paris, don't get me started on these guys. When I saw him in Paris, I was like, fucking CT is the man.
He is. And he just carried himself.

Speaker 6 Dude, I support, I don't even follow pro wrestling. But the fact that The Miz went from fucking real world Chicago to professional wrestler, that I am so impressed by that.

Speaker 6 He said he was going to do it. Like, remember when he's on Real World? He's like, I want to be a wrestler.
It was like, holy shit.

Speaker 6 I'm in a car with my best friend one day,

Speaker 6 and

Speaker 6 I said, are you dating anyone? He said, I think I'm in love. And I said, really? What's her name? And he said, Christina Pozzick.
And I went, hold on. You're dating Christina from fucking Road Rules?

Speaker 6 And he was like, you know her? And I was like, I need to meet her. I mean, I bring that up to her.
That's Tom's wife. That's his wife.
I still bring it up every time I see her.

Speaker 6 I I was the biggest fucking fan of those shits. Me too.

Speaker 6 What did you think about Wes doing when he had his steroid year? That was one of the funniest subplots of all time that they had the challenge.

Speaker 6 The challenge has been going on for like 15 years, and Wes just showed up. No one has been more.
Barry Bonds in his prime wasn't as roided up as Wes was that year.

Speaker 6 And then he just went right back down to like, he like lost all the weight and was like, all right, I'm done doing steroids.

Speaker 6 Wes was such an interesting fucking character because he was so white, like so bright white that he always stood off to the side.

Speaker 6 Like he always, anytime anyone touched him in anything physical, he'd get these red hand marks all over him. Dude, I am obsessed with that shit.

Speaker 6 Like I, I mean, as a grown man, I had two children and I would be sitting watching the challenge in my living room. And my wife's like, are you fucking kidding me? For whatever reason,

Speaker 6 it is the fucking best. And if I run into those kids now, they're adults are my age.
Yeah. I lose my shit.
I saw Puck. Puck came to one of my shows.
Oh, geez. I was like, what the fuck?

Speaker 6 That's a way, way throw back. They discovered what the secret formula was, which is just get get kids that are like 20 years old, 21 years old, put them in a house, don't let them watch TV.

Speaker 6 Take all the TVs out, and then just give them all the booze they want. And you have the makings of it.
You have everything you need inside that house for you. I did a pilot with Buna Murray one time.

Speaker 6 Me, Theovan, and Bret Ernst, the funniest pilot that's ever not been shown to anyone. So politically incorrect.
I mean, when you're talking, you're talking give.

Speaker 6 We started a fraternity, us three comedians, started fraternity in the hills, and we just put her on Craigslist, and we got a who's who's list of people with mental problems.

Speaker 6 And we had one guy with PTSD. I mean, sounds like Barstool Sports Headquarters.
It was.

Speaker 6 I tried to buy it back from Bona Murray because it's that fucking funny.

Speaker 6 At one point, we were like, me and Theo and Brent Ernest are like, we should get, we should throw a party, but how are we going to get girls? And Theo's like, why don't we just hire porn stars?

Speaker 6 What's their day rate? And we're like, it's like 800 bucks a day. And he's like, yeah, let's just get like 20 porn stars.
And we're like, oh, cool. Next thing you know, fucking chicks are naked.

Speaker 6 Sound guy's like, hey, I think he's getting his dick sucked in the bathroom.

Speaker 6 And we're like, fuck.

Speaker 6 The producers came out. I am naked in a pool with porn stars.
And he's like, we can't use any of this. We're like, we're having a fucking blast.
This dude came up to me.

Speaker 6 He's like, I think I cheated on my fucking fiancé, man. And we're like,

Speaker 6 he's like, no, they filmed it. Are you going to film me cheating on my fiancé? I let her suck my dick.
It was the greatest. We did powder puff football one day with girls dressed in pads.

Speaker 6 And the whole thing was that they were going to be better than us because we didn't have pads.

Speaker 6 And bread earnest gave the best fucking win-won for the gipper speech about lighting these bitches up i want to see dead whores everywhere and we

Speaker 6 clothesline these women i mean it looked like if you let oj simpson do what he really wanted to do it was next fuck the greatest pilot you'll never find

Speaker 6 what happened to it yeah i have no idea i drank the entire fucking time

Speaker 6 i didn't we we stole a goat and and we had we had planned we had planned to steal a goat from a bar like we had you know set it up and we're like yeah we stole it we're gonna steal a goat we got the address wrong and we really broke into someone's house and stole their fucking goat and all of a sudden we got up someone else and then we had this fucking goat in the middle of beverly hills at this house just shitting and pissing everywhere you're saying like you accidentally stole the wrong goat we stole the wrong goat we broke into someone's fucking house how did you know it was the wrong goat because they came up with the goat they're like you never got the goat we're like we have the goat and you're like

Speaker 6 we have two goats and they're like wait where did you stop we're like sand canyon and they're like no no no no no sand Sand canyon street. And we're like, fuck.

Speaker 6 It's funny. Like, you essentially just created fantasy camp, like adult fantasy camp for yourself.
One guy had fancy. The fact that it was a show was like irrelevant.
You were just having a good time.

Speaker 6 It was the greatest. A lot of those guys are dead.
It was.

Speaker 6 Yeah, yeah. Because a lot of them had some problems.
Well, how long ago was this? I don't know.

Speaker 6 I'll tell you right now. Barstool's got the money.
If you can fucking buy that, I couldn't get it. They were like, I'm not going to sell it to you.

Speaker 6 Buna Murray, it will get all of us canceled i mean all of us

Speaker 6 immediately like i'm gonna have to not be in my house for a while it'll be it was sketchy i mean that that's that might be what it takes to to stop uh like people from coming after you just release the worst possible shit that you already have on yeah you think my appearances on rogan were bad yeah watching this thing too bears you know tom and i one time when we started that fucking podcast We didn't think it would turn into this.

Speaker 6 We were like, let's say the most out-of-context, cancelable things we could think of and so we went back and forth in out of context saying the most horrific statements never thinking it would bite us in the ass I remember Tom the other day was like should we get rid of that episode

Speaker 6 the things we did I mean Tom and I we do these live shows

Speaker 6 we went into a dominatrix's house and and we were just gonna I don't think Tom knew what they did and I did so they're like hey put on this thong so I throw on a thong and then they're like Tom put one on and he's like no and then Tom ends up in his underwear and then she's like, All right, quick, I'm going to tether your cocks together with electrodes.

Speaker 6 And I'm going to shock your cocks to see who can put up with the most pain and who taps out first. And Tom, she leaves the room.
Tom and our dicks are tethered together with electrodes.

Speaker 6 And he looks at me dead, seriously in the eyes. He's like, Is this a good idea?

Speaker 6 And I remember going, I don't, why are you? You're the one that's supposed to stop the bad ideas. And he was like, but our dicks are already tethered together.
She's like, you boys ready?

Speaker 6 And we're like, I guess so. We get done.
The woman looks us dead in the eyes. She goes, so you guys want to come now? And we're like,

Speaker 6 Tom's like, I think we're in in over our head we have done i mean i don't know i'm not look i here's the deal this is what i subscribe by you either get that everything i'm doing is is meant to entertain you right and make you have a good time and let you forget about fucking covid or the fucking shit job that you're dealing with at the time being or a fuck face boss or a fucking cunt wife whatever the fuck or asshole husband whatever the fuck that's my only call's here kids are back in school vacations are over and cozy season is officially on you know what that means?

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Speaker 6 And the thing that I struggle with when I see all this stuff, because I mean, I completely agree with you.

Speaker 6 And, you know, Barstow, we've been online for a very long time, so I'm definitely not someone to throw stones with any of this shit.

Speaker 6 But the thing I hate is when people bring up old shit and it's a completely different time. And it's like, but at the time, it was not hurting anyone.
And now we're trying to hurt people.

Speaker 6 Like, you weren't listening. You're not a fan of this.
You don't. You're not a fan.
You're just pulling things out of context. Right.

Speaker 6 And quite honestly, a lot of them look like hit pieces. I mean, they do to me.
And I'm some sitting on the outside, but you know, like, I mean, you look at like, you go back to the Aziz thing.

Speaker 6 Aziz, that kind of looked like a hit piece. Yeah.
You know, and it now granted. He got fucked.
He got fucked on that one. Like, no,

Speaker 6 it was at the height of the Me Too stuff, which a lot of good stuff, I think, came out of that. Like, a lot of powerful.

Speaker 6 By the way, a ton, a ton of good stuff came out of that.

Speaker 6 And a ton of it for just regular guys like us who are like, like, like, I mean, I, like, you see a woman walk into the office and she looks beautiful.

Speaker 6 And maybe, maybe in 2010, you would have been like, God damn it, you look great today. Now you just go, hey, man, just, that's, I'm not going to say a fucking word.
Yeah. Like, right?

Speaker 6 Like, those, just those little microaggressions. On a bigger level, so many fucking pigs in Hollywood were stopped from being fucking pigs.
And there were a lot of fucking pigs.

Speaker 6 But sometimes you're like, I don't know. You're, I guess you got to.
You got to burn the fence down to burn the house. I don't fucking know.
Yeah, it's a weird time.

Speaker 6 His thing was like, he had an awkward hookup one time. And then they wrote an an article about that.
And I think for me, that was like, I recognized it at the time.

Speaker 6 I think a lot of people didn't, though, and they threw him into the lump of like, oh, he's basically Harvey Weinstein. It's like, no, he just tried to fuck one night.
Yeah. And they didn't get along.

Speaker 6 And that's the end of the story.

Speaker 6 But yeah,

Speaker 6 again, like, I think that with Rogan, it's like, once you reach a certain point, once you have a big enough following, then people are like, well, they need to stop listening to this guy.

Speaker 6 It's crazy. They didn't care when it was smaller.
No, they didn't. And by the way, it's crazy to me because, you know,

Speaker 6 I will say, I've said it out loud. I'll say it a million times.
Joe Rogan's one of my best friends. I absolutely adore that guy.
I know him to be a lot of things. A racist is not what he is.

Speaker 6 I can promise you that. He's a lot of things.
Trust me,

Speaker 6 the guy is fucking flawed like all of us. Yeah.
He's a fucking...

Speaker 6 That's actually, I think, like the point that everyone misses. Show me a perfect human.
Doesn't exist. Doesn't exist.
Doesn't exist. It doesn't exist.

Speaker 6 And I'm telling you, man, there's so many good things. And I don't even want to say the good things because it sounds like, oh, why weren't you saying them two weeks ago, Bernie?

Speaker 6 It's like, I just, and when i put i posted a picture of me and him on instagram and i had a lot of friends come at me being like you stand with joe rogan and i go i go he's i don't i don't leave my friends like i'm loyal to my i got a small group of friends i'm a ride or die for a fucking small group of people and and that's my group and i stand by my friends and and i'm gonna say this and this is uh

Speaker 6 this is all All that needs to be said. So my dad is very, very liberal.
And he's not, I mean, he thinks Joe's an interesting guy, but he's not a fan of what Joe's said about the COVID.

Speaker 6 And my dad's got a few things to say about Joe. I post a picture on Instagram of me and Joe,

Speaker 6 of me and Joe just together. And I say, I'm very lucky to call Joe Rogan, my friend.
My dad texts me immediately. And I'm like, fuck, he's going to be like, take that down, whatever.
My dad says,

Speaker 6 I'm very proud of the son I raised that you would be loyal to a friend in a moment like this. And I was like,

Speaker 6 that's all you want?

Speaker 6 Fuck all those negative comments. Yeah.
If your dad texts you, who, by the way, does not, he said, I don't like the word Joe said. I don't like how many times he said it.

Speaker 6 I don't like the statement he said also.

Speaker 6 I think his statement in apology was heartfelt. That's what my dad said.
And he's like, but I'm proud I raised a son who stands by his friends. That's all the fuck you want.
That's huge.

Speaker 6 That's the only comment you want is your parents. You're not co-signing what he said.
You're saying, like, this is my friend. Right.
And I love my friend. And I'm going to be there for him.

Speaker 6 And trust me.

Speaker 6 And you're right, like, saying everybody's fucked up. Everybody has skeletons in their closet.
Everybody's got, no one's perfect.

Speaker 6 The people that are acting like they're the most perfect people in the world, they're the ones that are scared that they've got something to hide.

Speaker 6 And I think a lot of times, like, it's, they, they just project that and they go on little hunts to try to make other people feel as bad as they do about themselves.

Speaker 6 And I also, I mean, and we don't want to have to make this whole thing about like Rogan and cancellation, but I just, I, I can't, like, for the life of me understand why saying, like, you got to go away now forever is like, uh, how does that make people evolve?

Speaker 6 How does that get people to, like, you, like, having people evolve is to be like, oh, you know what? This is fun. Like, maybe I shouldn't say this.
This is not good.

Speaker 6 This is not, you know, like, and moving forward and getting better and finding different ways to do it. I always think that's way better.

Speaker 6 And like you saying, being a good friend, like if you ditch on your friends, how does that make Joe Rogan a better person? It doesn't. My daughter got caught smoking weed.

Speaker 6 I probably shouldn't talk about this, but I won't really give a fuck if I think

Speaker 6 she's seven. No, I'm kidding.

Speaker 6 Everyone, that's a joke. Just so we're clear that if you're listening, that's a joke.

Speaker 6 So my wife caught her, right? And now, and

Speaker 6 this is how I look at all this because it's just coming to... I lost my shit.

Speaker 6 16 at the time. I lost my shit.
I didn't handle it well. I flew off the handle.

Speaker 6 And at the time, I thought she was... Did that in share with you?

Speaker 6 No, it was during, honestly, it was during COVID when we were supposed to be socially distant. And passing a joint around is not how you keep COVID out of our fucking house.
That's how I felt.

Speaker 6 Was it because it was bad weed? No, and by the way, it was probably out of my stash. So it was amazing.

Speaker 6 And there's a lot i need to tell you about weed you don't start with the shit in the humidor from fucking the blunt house people right so so i lost my shit i lost my shit and i thought it was warranted she broke the rules that's what a dad does in raising her since that point i realized i fucked up because what i did is i created a i created a paradigm within which She was not allowed to grow and learn because she was going to fuck up again.

Speaker 6 But now she was so scared of watching me fly off the handle or getting me upset that i taught her the new thing is to lie right and i

Speaker 6 and it's taken me uh a year and a half to get to a place where now we're establishing an honesty where i go hey you're gonna fuck up you're still fucking up but understand i'm not gonna lose my shit i want to help you learn the right way to fucking evolve you're going to college next year and i want you to understand about drugs and alcohol what they are and and what boys are like and and so i it took me a while to understand I went about things the wrong way.

Speaker 6 So I think, and by the way,

Speaker 6 it's just about learning.

Speaker 6 It's like if you, if you said, all right, Bert, that's how you are forever, is you're the dad that gets upset on vacation in Arizona at a fucking truck stop and unloads the shit wrong out of the fucking RV and now you're screaming, you got shit all over your hands, and you're raising your voice at your daughter.

Speaker 6 That's not who the fuck I am forever. That's who I was then.
And now as a father, I'm the dad that's like, hey, I'm really proud you didn't drink and drive.

Speaker 6 And you called us and told us you were drunk. I'm proud of that.

Speaker 6 And that's where we should start this conversation. It's like, I got to evolve as a dad.
Right. Everyone should evolve.
It's fucking. Yeah, that's my biggest thing.
It's like,

Speaker 6 there's no actual end goal. It's just like, let's get rid of this person.
This person should be canceled. Get rid of them.
And that's it. It's like, what are we doing here?

Speaker 6 We're all flawed humans and we're all just trying to make through this shithole and figure it out.

Speaker 6 It's a really interesting point that you bring up, though, about how people that lie a lot, they lie because of the reaction that they were getting when they would get in trouble.

Speaker 6 It's like almost a defense mechanism, right? We got to fix that with Billy. We got to fix that.
Yeah,

Speaker 6 we got to fix that with Billy. So

Speaker 6 how can we like everything? No, he even lies. He even lies about lying to us.

Speaker 6 There's lies that are three lies deep. This guy in the room right now, he's probably, I don't know what he's doing.
He told us that he didn't sleep in yesterday.

Speaker 6 He just, he had woken up and he fell back asleep. So he technically didn't sleep in.
He woke up at 8:30 and then he went back to sleep and slept till 11 and he missed something at 10.

Speaker 6 He's like, well, I didn't actually sleep in. I was up and then I went back to sleep.
They were like, no, no, no. I like crafting the truth to make it fit your narrative.

Speaker 6 No, I was up. I was going to work out.
Like, I made coffee, but I fell back asleep. And next thing you know, it just wasn't.

Speaker 6 He just wasn't awake when he should have been. That's all.
I have selective memory. Like, if you ask me how much I drank, I will always go, I had a couple drinks.
Yeah.

Speaker 6 And then, like, we did it when we started Sober October, Rogan was like, How many drinks do you normally drink? And I said, nine, because that's the truth.

Speaker 6 Maybe I'll have like nine drinks in a night. Segura starts losing his fucking mind because he knows they're doubles.
And he's like, you're not telling the truth. And I go, no, nine drinks.

Speaker 6 Joe, they're doubles. And it was like, 18 fucking drinks? And I was like, oh, and you make a say like that, it sounds bad.
Yeah. It's like, I'll drink a bottle of wine at night.

Speaker 6 Yeah, I'm going to open a second one, but I don't finish that one, so I don't count it. Yeah, that doesn't count.
That's absolutely right.

Speaker 6 When a doctor asks you, how many, how many beers do you have on like a typical night out? They have to teach them, like, divide that by four, right? Yes, there's no way.

Speaker 6 My cardiologist is like, how much do you drink? I was like, hey, man, just get my liver enzymes and let's start there. Okay.
What the fuck am I going to tell? I can lie to you or we can fucking.

Speaker 6 It's, I mean, lying, like, everyone lies to their doctor, which is the funniest idea ever because it's like they're there to help you. Yeah.
And you're like, no, I don't drink. I don't smoke.

Speaker 6 I don't do anything. It's like, no, no nicotine, nothing.
Best one. The best one.
The best one.

Speaker 6 A long time ago, not current, long, long time ago i applied for uh uh

Speaker 6 some insurance on on a movie or tv show it was a tv show and the the guy calls and he's like hey uh i'm gonna do the over-the-phone conversation and he's like uh so uh

Speaker 6 do you do drink and he goes i'm i just want to let you know i'm recording right now i said great he goes do you drink i said seldomly He said, it's for travel channeling. He goes, I go, seldomly.

Speaker 6 He goes, really? How many drinks a week do you think you have? I said, I don't know. Maybe if I'll have, maybe I'll have two.
I'm not really sure. Two.
He's like, do you do drugs? I said, no, I don't.

Speaker 6 No drugs. And he goes, okay.
He goes, do you do any dangerous activities? And I was like, nope. Mind you, I was swimming great white sharks out of the cage, skydiving, base jumping.

Speaker 6 I was doing all of it. So we do this whole fucking 30-minute interview.
And he goes, awesome.

Speaker 6 He goes,

Speaker 6 I want you to know that I'm done recording. I said, great.
And he goes, oh, and he starts laughing and staring. I've been holding this in.
I know exactly who you fucking are.

Speaker 6 And I just had to do this whole interview, too. He was like, I was biting my fucking tongue.
He was like, what did you say? Two drinks? Two drinks? Are you fucking kidding me?

Speaker 6 And I was like, I was like, are we good, though? And he was like, oh, yeah, you're getting insurance for the drinks.

Speaker 6 I was like, oh, fuck. That's amazing.

Speaker 6 Either that or you could just like, when you're doing those interviews, just... Everyone will think that you're a massive phony.

Speaker 6 They'll go back and be like, yo, he actually doesn't do any of the shit that he says that he does on the air. I remember it's just a character.

Speaker 6 That was a big thing in stand-up is that you'd see guys that would take fake shots on stage. Really? And I was not that guy that's sad that's fucked up

Speaker 6 well some guys do it because they're like i want to you know i never did it because i was like i don't i i couldn't imagine like either take the shot or don't right i remember one time and i fell off this i was so drunk i fell off the stage that's happened a couple times to me but in dc so i go i fall off stage in dc

Speaker 6 and I come back the next time in DC and I'm walking past the ticket booth and this girl's like,

Speaker 6 I was here last time and he fell off the stage.

Speaker 6 He was so drunk is that gonna happen again tonight and i was like oh my god that's what i'm gonna be known as is the comic that's so so i go i'm in the green room i'm gonna come to jesus moment i go no booze tonight no booze no shots they send a shot now i tell the waitress no shots no shots get on stage and there's already shots getting sent to the stage i go i'm good guys i'm good i'm not i'm gonna get through some material and then you know we'll talk Now there's like fucking 10 shots on the stage.

Speaker 6 And I go, okay, listen, I'm going to be fucking really honest. Okay.
I was walking through the line and I heard a woman say, he was so drunk he fell off stage last time.

Speaker 6 Is that that going to happen again? And guys, that will never happen again. And the woman goes, I was the one that said it and I'm the one sending the fucking shots.
Fall the fuck off stage, that guy.

Speaker 6 I'm like, all right, we're done. Gush.
Gush. I got so drunk one time, I didn't tell a machine story, and I gave out Segura's phone number.

Speaker 6 And a guy, there's a guy, I mean, there's like, like when you read, like, when you have no filter, there was a guy that stood up and he goes, in the front row, stands up in Tampa, he goes, I have stage four bone cancer in the middle of the show.

Speaker 6 And I said, well, fuck. I said, well, let me buy you a drink.
And he goes, okay,

Speaker 6 rum and diet coke. I go, stir, stage four, get the fucking regular Coke.

Speaker 6 And the guy's like,

Speaker 6 falls, cracks his head open. I mean, we've had, I've had songs fucking in, but when I did clubs, man, the more chaotic, the more I enjoyed it.
Yeah.

Speaker 6 Like just, I remember one time, and this is back when you couldn't get in trouble. Like, like, no one has video this.
So me just recounting it is just whatever.

Speaker 6 I remember one time we had two gangbangers in our front row and

Speaker 6 they made the dude sweat his comb over down. Like, you know, when flat, when bald people's hair get wet, you can see through it.
And the woman, Lisa Correo, did not cry. I said she cried in the past.

Speaker 6 She did not cry, but she will admit, she was extremely flustered. And I said to the manager, I said, hey, man, there's a set of gangbangers in the front row.
Do you want to get them to leave?

Speaker 6 He's like, they have weapons. I'm not going to say anything.
We were in Miami. I was like, fuck.
So I just did material to fuck with them, right? It's very easy. You have a joke.

Speaker 6 You just ask, I ask you the question.

Speaker 6 When you go down on a wife, on your wife, what do you do? And then you tell me your answer, and then I tell you my joke, right? It's a little trick that you can do as a comic.

Speaker 6 I do that for like 35 minutes. And then I turn to the side of the stage thinking, I haven't told a real joke yet.
So I turn to tell a real joke and I see a flash of black and it's the one dude.

Speaker 6 His name's Ray. And he's up on stage.
He's like, there's a real motherfucker right here. And I'm like, oh my God, I'm going to get hit.
Or like, something's going on. He's like, yeah,

Speaker 6 here's a real motherfucker in the 305. That's right.
You know what real motherfuckers get? And he drops his pants and shows his dick. And everyone's like, what the fuck?

Speaker 6 And he looks at me and he goes, show your shit, son. And I'm like, I'm definitely not pulling mine out after that came out.

Speaker 6 Mine looks like the pig from Charlotte's Web. Like, this looks like something you can whip out at a party.
I have something you show a nurse. And I was like, no.

Speaker 6 And I go, actually, Ray, I'm pretty certain. that they're calling the cops right now.
You might want to leave. And he was like, good looking out.

Speaker 6 Pants up, gets off stage, right? His friend, a little more light-skinned of a dude, a little more attractive dreadlocks, tattoo on his cheek, stands up slowly. I go, oh my God, how do you follow that?

Speaker 6 I think with another cock. He comes up on stage and he goes, you funny man, you're a funny motherfucker, you're a real motherfucker.
Drops his pants down, also shows an equally big, less dark cock.

Speaker 6 And he goes, show your shit, son. And I'm like, I'm definitely not showing it after you two.
And I go, and as a matter of fact, I am certain they've called the cops by now.

Speaker 6 You may want to catch up with Ray and see if you get a ride. He goes, good looking out, son.
I look into the audience. I swear to God, all my children, they are sitting with a hairless albino.

Speaker 6 And I said, it's so funny. Out of all the cocks tonight that I've seen, sir, yours is the only one I'd pay to see.
He slowly stands up. The room starts going crazy.

Speaker 6 Like, Sean Shot gets on stage, drops its pants. It is huge and hairless.
It looks like a lighthouse in the fog. Place goes nuts.
Drop the mic. I go, that's my show.

Speaker 6 35 minutes. I get off stage, party with them all night long.
It was the fucking

Speaker 6 dog. That was when comedy was fucking dangerous and fun.
Now, I mean, it's still dangerous. It's still fun.
It's just words, but back in the day, man, that's incredible.

Speaker 6 Fucking you go to the Miami Amp, people get stabbed at your shows.

Speaker 6 That's just a crazy fucking story. Wait, what's it you said earlier, like, this is the top five drunkest I've been.
What's the drunkest you've been?

Speaker 6 Good question. Thank you.
Probably doesn't remember it. He's going through

Speaker 6 accurate because there's been some ones like

Speaker 6 there's been there's been some ones that don't count where you're like, where you're like, we're like, like, I got drunk in Austin, but that was because we were drinking all day, and then I, I thought we were in San Diego, and I believed we were in San Diego because I've been doing this deprivation.

Speaker 6 It was a long story, but uh,

Speaker 6 as hot five drunk as I've been, probably, uh,

Speaker 6 sadly, are

Speaker 6 the last couple episodes of Rogan,

Speaker 6 which is really scary. Like, the last episode, last time

Speaker 6 I did Rogan,

Speaker 6 I was so drunk. I don't remember, I don't remember what we said for the last two and a half hours.
I have no recollection. But it's off to me because I still don't see him as like bigger than CNN.

Speaker 6 I still just think that he's right.

Speaker 6 To me, to be the people that understand the show, and I'm not like a massive fan of Drew. I've listened to him every now and again.
I think he's immensely talented at everything that he does.

Speaker 6 But he's just like a person that has a show. Yeah.
And he happens to have the biggest audience in the world that he's built over time.

Speaker 6 It's not like there's no way for somebody to like grow with that audience and be like, now I have to have all the responsibility in the world because then the show changes. Nobody listens.

Speaker 6 He's just himself. Yeah.
And if you don't like it, you don't like it. And that's fair, too.
And that's what catches me off guard. It's like, we did the show.
We got high.

Speaker 6 We got drunk. We did, I think, five and a half hours.
And I, and I, and I really honestly don't, I don't think anything.

Speaker 6 Also, I know my heart. And I know I don't say, I, I know I don't have any hatred in my heart.
So I'm not going to get caught up saying something mean-spirited. I...

Speaker 6 don't really fucking follow politics at all. So I don't know if he brings something up.
It's probably me just listening and nodding. I mostly talk about comedy.

Speaker 6 That's all I ever want to talk about or make people laugh or tell a story. So everything's kind of insular, but I got, I got home that next morning and I mean, I got, I got fucking wasted.

Speaker 6 I ended up in Austin on stage.

Speaker 6 I was it stand-up and then these Navy SEALs put me in a car and they took me back to Sagura's house and then broke into his neighbor's house to get me to his house and put me in bed and then woke me up and like, and I don't remember any of it.

Speaker 6 I got on a plane and i was like and i was like you know i was telling my wife i was like i didn't drink at all on the plane she was like you smell like booze like i think you're still drunk and i was like i think i am too like i didn't need to drink on the flight

Speaker 6 and uh and then we got i was and she was like how was rogan and i was like oh it was fun i was like i don't know same same i don't remember much of it and then someone was like dude what did you say and i was like why they're like they took the episode down and i went and your heart sinks right and i by the way i could not recollect anything i said i not one thing not one not one i I don't remember any, like people started texting me going, hey, thanks for the kind words.

Speaker 6 And I was like, cool. I guess when I get drunk, I'm sweet.
I was like, I just like a lot of people. So I was just, I must have said nice things about everyone, but like, I don't fucking know.

Speaker 6 And I was like, maybe I said that COVID was created in a lab. I don't know.
Like, I mean, I can see what it's coming out of my mouth.

Speaker 6 So they took it down and then they put it back up, but sliced it in two episodes. And I was like, ah, I'm certain there's something missing out of the middle.

Speaker 6 In a weird way, what they're doing is making people want to listen more now. Yeah.
I can take the episodes down. Now I'm like, I want to know what some of those fucking episodes are.

Speaker 6 Listen, here's the thing. And I mean, not to harp on my buddy, but like, I listen to it all the time, right? I listen to it.

Speaker 6 I love the podcast. There's some I don't listen to.
Yeah. Like, there's some I just go, it's every podcast.
Yes, that's not my thing. Like, I listen when it's my thing is on.

Speaker 6 Like, well, you guys had fucking

Speaker 6 Taylor Heineke on, right?

Speaker 6 And I'm interested in his views on the change of the name to the Commanders. Because I personally like the Washington football team.
I thought that was a cool, old school way to do it.

Speaker 6 But then, and then he he gets in, and he was like, you talk shit about me one time. Like, that, I listen to that, right?

Speaker 6 Yeah, then there's other ones I'm not like, trust me, you guys get Trevor Bauer on, I'll listen to that fucking episode.

Speaker 6 Yeah, I'll listen to that episode because I'm interested in what I followed that through the news thread. But, like, if you get fucking

Speaker 6 like, if you had,

Speaker 6 I'd listen to Johnny Hecker. That would be an episode I listened to.
But, like, there's certain athletes I'm not, I don't, I'm not. Right, right, right.
That's everyone, right?

Speaker 6 You can't like every sport. Like, are you going to the game? No.
I know we're going to probably air this after, but you have the Rams hat on. Yeah.

Speaker 6 Full-blown Rams. No, no, no.
So I'm a Bucs fan because I grew up in Tampa. I'm a Bucs fan, diehard, but I live in L.A.
My kids are Rams fans. My wife's a Rams fan.
We have Rams season tickets. So

Speaker 6 we are a Rams family because that's our team.

Speaker 6 But, you know, deep down inside, I've been a Bucs fan since when you could... sit shirtless watching the game in the old sombrero and spit tobacco on the floor.
So like, I mean, I remember awesome.

Speaker 6 Dude, those were the, that was like, oh, if my dad, if my dad went to church and I didn't go to church, he'd just name one buck that he, that he'd just go, yeah, it's crazy.

Speaker 6 Doug Williams showed up to church today. I was like, what the fuck? He's like, that's why you got to, you never know, man.
You got to go to church. It's like, can you believe that?

Speaker 6 Jimmy Giles came to church. I was like, shut the fuck up.
Him and Leroy Summon did what? Are you serious? Dewey was there. And are you still like diehard seminal? Like, I mean, it sucks.

Speaker 6 That's a school

Speaker 6 I love, love, love college football. And I would put Florida State in the camp of like, that's a team I want to be good because it's just more fun.

Speaker 6 So,

Speaker 6 so

Speaker 6 very complicated.

Speaker 6 When the Rolling Stone magazine came out, article came out,

Speaker 6 the school disowned me, and they tried to fuck me. They tried to get me not to graduate from Florida State.
The president at the time, not a great guy, not a fan.

Speaker 6 What's interesting is his daughter had been a Playboy. So you'd think he would empathize with a kid getting caught up by some national magazine.
Did not.

Speaker 6 And they tried to get me to disavow me and get rid of me. And they failed me.
I walked, but I walked. I mean, tell me if this isn't some underhanded shit.
I walked behind work done.

Speaker 6 So they named, and ladies and gentlemen, work done. The place goes fucking nuts.
And then guys like Burke Kreischer. And so in the shadow of work done.
Doesn't matter. I fucking walked, right?

Speaker 6 And I sat next to work done the entire time. Yeah.
In the whole fucking graduation. So.

Speaker 6 So I had this complicated past with Florida State where I was a diehard Seminole fan because I'd never sensed a civic pride. I grew up in Tampa.
We didn't have that.

Speaker 6 Like, if you grew up in Boston, you were like, fucking Red Sox, bro. You know, New York, you're like, where in New York? Bronx? Okay, okay.
You know? And so I never had a civic pride.

Speaker 6 The first time I went to a Florida State game and saw them throw the spear in the seminal head and it was on fire, I started crying.

Speaker 6 I mean, it was like the greatest, it was like, I'm now a part of a community.

Speaker 6 Anyone who grows up in a town like Orlando or Tampa understands that when you go to a school like fucking University of Oregon, fucking Boulder, you know, one of these places, Nebraska, that you get a sense of community.

Speaker 6 So it was very complicated to me. I did, I never went back to a game.

Speaker 6 I felt like a failure. I go back to do the Civic Center this tour.
I did the Civic Center, and I didn't even realize I was doing the Civic Center. It's an arena.
It's 10,000 seats. And I sold it out.

Speaker 6 And I get there and I wake up the next morning, hungover, and they have these huge signs. Welcome home.
I'm going to cry. I'm going to cry telling you this.
Do it.

Speaker 6 They have these huge signs that says, welcome home, Bertie boy. Ooh.

Speaker 6 I mean,

Speaker 6 to be field persona non grada at a school for 20 some odd years, and then to have them welcome you back and be like,

Speaker 6 welcome home, birdie boy. And then I walked through the campus and

Speaker 6 kids knew I was there and they'd open their windows. And they're like, I'm just walking them on Instagram stories and they're like, welcome home, birdie boy.
And I was like,

Speaker 6 fucking, I mean,

Speaker 6 the cops came up to me. Kids were getting in their car and finding me.
And then I get right before the game, right before

Speaker 6 the show, and they come up. The administration comes up and they give me a fucking spear.
And they're like, hey, man, we want you to have this. And I'm like, oh, my God.
I start crying.

Speaker 6 And I do the show. And I'm sitting there going, I saw Nirvana play here.
I started smashing pumpkins open for Nirvana in this civic center. I saw Bob Kath Goldthway here.

Speaker 6 I saw fucking Adam Sandler here. And I'm doing what they're doing.
And then they get done. And I fucking grab the spear, fully aware of

Speaker 6 like fully aware of my surroundings and i they're all doing the chant i go grab the spear and i lead fucking 10 000 people in a chant with the fucking lights out and their camera phones cam the highlights on and i get done and i'm just like totally gonna get canceled for that does not fucking matter does not fucking matter one of the greatest moments of my life that I mean to this day I never wore seminal shit.

Speaker 6 I just I would, but I always felt weird weird when I put it on because they didn't want me at the end

Speaker 6 it's almost like you wanted to be a part of them but they didn't want to be a part of you so you felt like it's it's strange if you have it on because it's it's not like reciprocated from right it's like it's like fucking talking good about a chick that slept with someone else and you're like I don't want to talk good about her or like like I just want to and and or said I don't love you anymore and please lose my number and then you're like how am I how can I talk good about her I mean I still love her and then when they welcomed me back like that man they got me forever I mean

Speaker 6 it was the greatest.

Speaker 6 It was one of the greatest experiences of this tour, but of my life. And

Speaker 6 I, and the fucking coaches reached out. The fucking strength.
I mean, everyone, everyone that worked there reached out and they're like, hey, man, if you want this, if you want that,

Speaker 6 please come by. Please stop by.
Bars hit me up. Hey, we got a private room for you.
The kids, I mean, the kids really overwhelmed me that the kids knew who

Speaker 6 I was. Like, I'd be walking around and they'd just open their dorm windows.
Dorms I lived in. They'd be like, the machine.

Speaker 6 And I'd be like, shut the, the it was the greatest it was the coolest moment uh of my adult life i've so much that i was like this tour has been this birdie boy tour has been this relapse tour has been i mean i did red rocks i did the fucking arena across from the packers aaron rodgers came over and said hi all the packers came backstage and fucking hung out i mean it was it's been it's been overwhelming it's been like if i die in a bus accident then know that i died a very fucking happy man it's awesome to have a moment like that too because i feel like a lot of people do have highlights of their life that they have to get years past and look back on but to recognize it as it's happening yeah that's good shit dude i was sobbing when they gave me that spear because that spear when you have you ever have you ever been to a florida i have yeah i saw no name florida

Speaker 6 like six seven years ago at night it was sick it's just so moving and then what's crazy is like you know everyone your management and lawyers and agents are like oh you know donald trump just got in trouble for doing the i go i don't i don't i like i don't care it was one of the greatest moments of my life and i'm not and i and i can't look that doesn't mean that to me or whatever it means to whatever.

Speaker 6 But what's crazy is the next week I was at the Seminole Hard Rock Casino, and a bunch of Seminoles, like legit birthright Seminoles, came back, and they're like, oh, I'm so glad you got the spear that was so badass.

Speaker 6 And I was like, all right, we're good. Yeah.
We're fucking good. Yeah.
Yeah. It's everybody that is not involved in that conversation.
Yeah. It would be the people speaking.

Speaker 6 It would be white people speaking on behalf of Seminoles. Right.
Look, if a Seminole wants to come up to me and say something to me, I will definitely

Speaker 6 apologize, whatever. But if a fucking white woman's upset by it, I'm can't really.
Yeah. Can't really.
How did they, how did the original Rolling Stone article come to fruition? Did they hit you up?

Speaker 6 Or they named Florida State like the best party school, right? And then they wanted to find the hardest partier. So they get kiddos.
So they want so that

Speaker 6 the Princeton Review does this, finds the number one party school every year, right? They named Florida State, and then a bunch of magazine, like places started trying to find kids to write about.

Speaker 6 And they did do a couple kids, and they were all shitty. They were all really shitty, right? But they didn't use their last name.

Speaker 6 So it was like, my buddy Derek Miner was in one, and he was like, they trashed me. I didn't know anything about this.
I'm always oblivious to anything.

Speaker 6 And Rolling Stone called and one day and they were like, they'd called five different heads of organizations and said, can we hang out with one dude? Who would it be?

Speaker 6 I had partied with every single one of those guys the night before and they thought it was me pranking them. So they were like, They were like, oh, it's Bert.
It's Bert. So then he called me.

Speaker 6 Eric Pogue gave him my number. He called me and I was in the middle of a bong hit.
We were about to play disc golf. And he was like, he was like, he pitches this thing.
My name's Eric Hedegard.

Speaker 6 I want to do a story about Florida State. I'm looking for a chaperone, someone to take me around, someone who knows a lot about the school, not just one area.

Speaker 6 I mean, would you be available for a week in November? And I exhaled my bong hit, and I was like, yeah. And he goes, I'm sorry, are you doing a bong hit? I took another bong hit and I was like,

Speaker 6 yep. And he was like, oh, you'll be perfect.

Speaker 6 So he stayed with me for a week. But what's crazy is like, now I think we all have an idea of what media is a little bit.
Yeah. He was like, I just, I want to stay with you.

Speaker 6 And I just did not shut up. I did not shut up.
I was an open book. I told him everything.
I did everything. I brought him to class with me.
He spent the night at my girlfriend's house.

Speaker 6 If we went out and day drank, he came with us. I mean, I did everything with this guy.
And at the end, I just was like, I hope he mentions my name in the article.

Speaker 6 And so they go up and they write the article about Florida State. And then Jan Werner, whatever his name is, reads it and is like, hey man, I just want to know more about this kid.

Speaker 6 He seems like a really like, I took a shit on a pizza box to win an election. Like,

Speaker 6 fucking I was I was oh I was a wild kid obviously. So then they changed it and they don't tell me.
And so the day it comes out April 1st, it comes out April 1st.

Speaker 6 FedEx knocks on my door. My dad calls and he goes, what the fuck did you do? And I go, what do you mean? He goes, I have news crews camped out in front of my fucking house.
Did you kill someone?

Speaker 6 And the weekend before had been TPC and I had gotten pretty fucked up in St. Augustine at the TPC.
So I was like, fuck, I don't know.

Speaker 6 He gives me the fucking, FedEx knocks on the door. I open it.
I'm in Boxers. I just woke up.
I open it and I see the Rolling Stone magazine and it was Beck on the cover. I thought it was me.

Speaker 6 I was like, I look amazing. But it's like the number one party animal tele or something about that.
And I open, I'm like the center fold, and it's me in the fountain shirtless with a keg.

Speaker 6 And I was like, hey, dad, I got to call you back. I think I'm in Rolling Stone.
And I read the article. And I mean, like, I remember, you know, I'm an emotional guy.

Speaker 6 I'm not going to hide from that, but I cried when I read the fucking opening stupid thing of it's taken Burt Kreischer six and a half years to become the man he is, the number one partier at the number one party school in the nation.

Speaker 6 I was like, oh, someone finally understands me. All my hard work.
All my hard work's paid off. I hope this turns into a career.

Speaker 6 And it was like, it was, it changed my life. It changed my life over fucking night.
I mean, dude, it was like fame. And it was so, that was when fame was like, you could not get fame.

Speaker 6 Yeah, if you have anybody come up to you and be like, hey, man, I saw saw that you were ranked number one partier at the school. My buddy parties way harder than you.

Speaker 6 And like, introduce and try to like get his friend to show you how much harder they party than you. The offensive line of the Florida State Seminoles was at Yanni's one night.

Speaker 6 And they're like, and I walked in and they're fucking all there. And they're like, hey, we got to see it for real.
And I was like, what? And they're like, line them up. Come on, frat boy.

Speaker 6 And so I sat with these dudes who are all younger than me, by the way. I was like fucking 25.
They're fucking in their 20s, 19 years old. So I fucking murdered these dudes.

Speaker 6 I mean, I'm a fucking grown-up at the time. I should have been teaching their classes.
And we just started putting back shots.

Speaker 6 And I was like, and this other thing is like, for whatever reason, like, I don't show up places drunk.

Speaker 6 So whenever someone wants to like challenge me to a drinking off, it's always like, I'm not, I've never had anything to drink.

Speaker 6 There was this girl one time in Indianapolis who is like, we see this thing where if you went up.

Speaker 6 that if you went to the bar and you were topless you got uh half off all your drinks so i'll show you the pictures but man these when I did clubs, we go to the bar and everyone will be topless.

Speaker 6 Girls, guys, everyone's topless, and everyone's drinking because it's half off. And this girl was beautiful.

Speaker 6 I come upstairs, she's topless, and she's like, She's like, I'm going to out-drink the machine. And I was like, bitch, I haven't started drinking yet.
I wouldn't do that. It had just started snowing.

Speaker 6 She's topless with a tremendous rack, right? Tremendous. And she goes, I'm going to drink you under the table.
And this is back when I thought Fireball didn't count as a shot. So I go, line them up.

Speaker 6 So we get nine shots of Fireball. And I just go, goose, goose, goose, goose, goose, goose, goose.
And I'm like, all right, catch up with me.

Speaker 6 Next thing you know, she's getting carried out of the bar, still topless. And I run down and they're getting ready to put her in a car.
It's snowing. And I go, they got like a jacket on top of her.

Speaker 6 And I go, hey, are you okay? And she was like, I couldn't do it. And I said, you know why? She goes, why? I said, because I'm the fucking machine.
Don't ever challenge me. Put her in the car.

Speaker 6 Get her the fuck out of here. I'll show you a picture of her.
She's fucking hot as shit. Oh, man.
People that would challenge somebody to a drinking contest are never sober when they they do it.

Speaker 6 Yeah, it's they see you and they're like, okay, I'm a little bit drunk. I can do this.
I can take this guy on.

Speaker 6 But if it was, maybe you could have been beat if somebody was like sober and came to the agreement with you ahead of time and scheduled it.

Speaker 6 Yeah, well, but also they're never going to cat, they're never going to understand the place I've gotten to and I can get to where I can't catch the buzz back and I'm just drinking to see if I can catch the buzz again.

Speaker 6 And you're just going like fuck like on an airplane going like, do you have anything stronger than fucking Heineken?

Speaker 6 like i just want to fucking restart the buzz and i've still got fucking 13 hours till we get to london you know so so yeah i don't but i'm but i i right now i'm just trying to make sure i can live forever yeah cool i would just forever pick up yourself yeah yeah like i just right now my my maintenance is uh

Speaker 6 live a lifestyle so that you can party because i love i love i love the feeling when everyone's like hey you guys want a beer like i love that energy that just that energy yeah it's like a first kiss yeah it's like and i don't get first kisses i'm married and i'm faithful right so like i don't get first kisses but oh i take that back i was in a movie and i got to kiss my wife on the movie it was it was different

Speaker 6 but i like that keeping yourself in shape to so that you can keep partying forever yeah it's like like look at the fucking competitive eaters yo yobiashi koboyati whatever and joey yeah joey chestnut they're not like and then you go oh you just do this to get down yeah i wish i could get into weed more i'm not i i can only take a couple hits of weed and then i'm yeah it's it we were actually just talking to Jimmy about this.

Speaker 6 Weed's too good. Weed got

Speaker 6 way too good. We need to bring back bad weed.
Yeah, I got Jimmy buzzed. I got Jimmy fucked up a bunch.
And I got Jimmy fucked up a bunch. Did he show you the video? No.

Speaker 6 We go to this fucking bar. We go to this bar.
And, you know, Jimmy's...

Speaker 6 Jimmy Tatrops, who we're talking about, Jimmy is a quiet guy in real life. He's a very quiet guy.
He's a very shy guy. He's not like this, what you think of his character of being

Speaker 6 and so he's pretty subdued and so we get this access to this it's uh

Speaker 6 i don't even know it's like a it's like a fucking vaudeville where the

Speaker 6 girls take their clothes off and dance and people come out in characters and and like all of a sudden the joker will come out and we get this private booth and it's everyone in the movie and they start bringing us fireworks and champagne and i'm kind of having a good time but i look over at jimmy and he is ear-to-ear smiling, and he's going, This is the best night of my life.

Speaker 6 And if it's, I'll send you guys the video, and it is so because he's just going like this, huh?

Speaker 6 And they're everyone's like throwing money at your, they got, they give you fake money to throw at everyone.

Speaker 6 And this fucking guy is dressed like the Joker, and he comes into our thing and sneaks on the catwalk and jumps off. And Jimmy's just ear to ear, I fucking love Serbia.

Speaker 6 Yeah,

Speaker 6 yeah, we fucking party with that guy a bunch. Yes.
All right, you gotta run. I know you got another interview.
Yeah, it's been incredible.

Speaker 6 By the way, I'd love to have we'd love to have you back anytime. Please, let me tell you something.
I've been fucking fans of you guys for a very long time, and it's and it's and it.

Speaker 6 I take it as an honor to be offered to be on this show, so thank you very much. We gotta have Tom on, too.

Speaker 6 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, Tom's the one, Tom's the one you can talk to forever.
Yes, anytime, Tom the fucking lunatic. Tom's the good interview, yeah, anytime you want, you're back up.

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Speaker 6 Gonia style beanie. Okay, we're going to wrap up the show with a little Monday reading story time.

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Speaker 8 Do have a Monday reading. We took this actually from within.
This is from the Part of My Take DM account.

Speaker 8 It's from Part of My Take.

Speaker 8 Not sure who sent these, but they are sent to the Liver King,

Speaker 8 whoever that is. Maybe we can get some context.
First message: hey, Liver King, any interest in doing social collabs while you're in New York? That was not answered.

Speaker 8 And then it was followed up with, would love to have you come to the Barcelona office, maybe even for an interview. We are the largest sports podcast and would love to host you at Barcelona HQ.

Speaker 8 No answer. That was Tuesday at 4 o'clock.
Then Tuesday at 6 o'clock, he replied to a Liver King story who was in New York and said, that is right by the the Barcelona office.

Speaker 6 No answer.

Speaker 8 Then on Wednesday, he replied to another Liver King story and said, Liver King, would you like to come to the Barcelona HQ today?

Speaker 6 It would be great for you to promote your supplements and do collabs with Barcelona Sports.

Speaker 8 So that was from the Instagram and then on TikTok.

Speaker 8 If you clicked into any Liver Kings videos, here are some of the comments from all the TikToks he's posting.

Speaker 6 This is like Jerry and TJ Watt. I love this.

Speaker 8 Liver King, would you like to stop by the Barcelona office? You're scared of Billy football.

Speaker 6 Oh, you went with that football football. I think that was Jeans.

Speaker 8 I think James was trying to help him out by maybe switching up the office.

Speaker 6 I like it. By getting aggressive.
Cool.

Speaker 6 Oh, I'm sorry. Whoever that was that happened to be sending the previous DMs could have been anybody.
Was really giving the wet suck on that one.

Speaker 8 And then, yeah, this was a comment.

Speaker 6 You got to neg him a little bit.

Speaker 8 This might have been Jake with all the exclamation points. It said, Liver King, offer still stands, exclamation point.
Come to the Barcelona office, exclamation point.

Speaker 6 I love the hustle. Yeah.

Speaker 8 Yeah, so that was more like, you know, maybe Monday reading, we got to figure out within who, you know, who did this or like where this was coming from, because usually we're kind of on the same page when we're trying to book guests.

Speaker 8 So it seems like someone might have went rogue.

Speaker 6 Well,

Speaker 6 I told Billy too before I wanted him to save his Liver King story, so this is a perfect time. You did tell us the whole background for people who don't yet know who the fuck is Liver King.

Speaker 10 Okay, so Liver King is a guy who lives on the Liver Ranch somewhere in Texas, I think. But he's in an ode to his

Speaker 10 TikTok guy, Instagram guy, super jacked. He's on Fit Talk.

Speaker 6 He looks like a mix between Dallas Braden and Julian Edelman. Right.
Exactly.

Speaker 10 He's a guy with a big beard, jacked.

Speaker 10 And basically, his whole philosophy is he preaches sort of primal early human living and that we need to revert back and eliminate some of the stuff from the modern world that is making us weaker and not as we should be in the eyes of our early ancestors.

Speaker 6 Like medicines. Yes.

Speaker 6 And fully cooked meat. Yes.
Excuse me. Paleo on steroids.
Yeah, imagine like, yeah, literally. A paleo.

Speaker 6 He's paleo on steroids and also steroids. Yes.
Yes.

Speaker 10 But basically, I saw he was in New York City, and, you know, I've been working on the part of my take TikTok. Go follow the part of my take TikTok if you can.
I'll give some views.

Speaker 10 That'd be much appreciated.

Speaker 6 They can. Tell them.
Yeah, go follow

Speaker 6 it on TikTok.

Speaker 10 Offer still stands to follow part part of my take on tick tock yes please do that um so i was sort of left to roost in new york uh and i was sort of looking for stuff to do so i saw you were roosting i was roosting you're sitting on all the other roosting okay yeah uh so uh he was in new york city and he preaches about simulating hunts so liver king likes to simulate hunts and he simulates successful and unsuccessful hunts basically works out and he either eats after it if it's a successful hunt or he doesn't and does like a prolonged fasting period if he doesn't have a successful hunt.

Speaker 6 So he's he's invented Working out and then eating a meal.

Speaker 10 Yes, got it exactly deconstructed exactly and he has a bunch of other he has nine primal tenants Which hopefully if Liver King does come on the show He'll tell us more about

Speaker 6 Yeah, can you see it? Can you give us a couple?

Speaker 10 Oh one of them is basically you can't sleep with any Wi-Fi or electricity in your room because it messes up your sleep waves. You have to sleep in total darkness and simulate the sun going down.

Speaker 10 A lot of weird stuff.

Speaker 6 Sounds like a trip chamber, yeah. I like that.

Speaker 10 And a lot of it is based off of eating nose to tail, basically a lot of animal organ meat.

Speaker 6 Okay, and he makes his I saw a couple clips. He like makes his kids eat this shit, too.

Speaker 10 You know, he preaches working out. So basically, I decided to do a simulated hunt.

Speaker 10 of the simulated hunter right liver king so liver king's in the city bouncing around looking for him uh you know he'd post somewhere and then he'd, you know, leave.

Speaker 10 And it was sort of a little cat and mouse game through. So I had some time on my hands, so I simulated hunted Liver King.
So I finally caught up to Liver King on Friday.

Speaker 10 It was about four days of a simulated hunt.

Speaker 10 I did a simulated fast as if I was hunting the whole thing.

Speaker 6 Wait, wait, wait. It was a simulated fast.

Speaker 6 I pretended to not eat. Exactly.

Speaker 6 Okay. I simulate fast all the time.

Speaker 10 Just as like the early ancestors wanted. So I finally found Liver King.
He was sort of having a gathering for a push-up contest

Speaker 10 as one does whoever could have a but basically it was really kind of you know i think it's really funny like but there was guys who showed up at this push-up contest who were hardcore liver king following all the ancestral primal nine tenants so you're so yeah not you yeah so you're not you're not even close to like a top 10 liver king fan no i'm like there are people farther into liver king it was kind of like a normie fan of him you're not like an og yeah i'm just three of his albums Yeah, right.

Speaker 6 Exactly. You just know his hits.

Speaker 10 So I show up there just like to talk to Liver King, you know, try to basically I want to do TikTok collabs with him, you know, build the TikTok. It would have been great for both of our socials.

Speaker 10 But then it basically was like he got mobbed. There was serious primals, as he calls them, all around him.
And they're all doing that.

Speaker 6 What are serious primals?

Speaker 10 Well, he calls his followers primals.

Speaker 6 That's pretty cool. That's smart.
That's really. We should have done that instead of AWL.
That's pretty cool. All these primals out there.
What's up, Primals? Liver King here.

Speaker 6 So, wait, is he the Liver King? He's not called the Liver King because he has like a really giant liver or anything.

Speaker 10 No, because Liver is King. Basically, he believes that liver is, you know, organ meat is something that we don't consume in our regular day life, and it's going to make you jack.

Speaker 6 I only worship one Liver King. That's John Daly.
Now and forever. So, wait, so

Speaker 8 we got to get him on.

Speaker 6 He was doing a push-up contest. Yeah.
And he invited you to participate in it, right? He was like, if anyone can do 100 push-ups, I'll give give you 100 bucks. And Billy was like, you know what?

Speaker 6 I'm going to show out for Liver King and I'll impress him with how strong I am. So he'll come on the show.

Speaker 6 So then you got up there and you did how many. You did 100.
I didn't do 100 push-ups. Oh, so Billy's 0 for 3 on town.
No, I didn't.

Speaker 10 Billy was a chest day the day before. I got 75, took a rest.

Speaker 6 I hated when that happened.

Speaker 6 I did a rest, and then I was like, But you knew Liver King was in town.

Speaker 10 I didn't know he'd have a push-up contest on Friday.

Speaker 6 What did you think was going to happen with Liver King? Like, well, he worked out.

Speaker 10 It happened, you know, chess day was on Thursday, Friday.

Speaker 6 Can't change chest day.

Speaker 10 Can't change chest day.

Speaker 6 You know, I just hope Billy never wins a contest ever. Billy, what, what, I have one question about Liver King.
I saw some pictures. Kind of a short dude.

Speaker 10 Well, you see, he didn't go through the agricultural revolution, so he was, he's still the size of the early ancestors.

Speaker 6 So he's tall for his era. He's tall for his era.
Got it. He's okay.
It was honestly. That's what you need to do, PFT.
I'm from a different country. You're saying that you're actually.

Speaker 10 You didn't go through the agricultural revolution.

Speaker 6 Yeah, wait, how tall is he? Is he shorter than me? He's, yeah.

Speaker 6 he looks short honestly it's kind of crazy his there's like almost like a christ allegory it's like he is the body he's the embodiment

Speaker 10 no he's the embodiment of the early ancestors on earth and he gives sacrament as pieces of liver so after everyone did the push-ups which was like prayer he started giving out liver like for everyone to eat i was like did you eat some yeah i did eat some it so it was 26 degrees when this all happened so the liver was frozen at this point and also our hands had just gotten off the floor of Times Square and we were all just barehanded eating liver.

Speaker 10 Probably definitely built up the immune system doing that. Yep.

Speaker 6 But otherwise he's not. Wait, but

Speaker 6 if he's from a different time, wouldn't he die from being around other people?

Speaker 10 Well, you know, that's a good question.

Speaker 6 No,

Speaker 6 because his immune system is kicked into high gear by living as our ancestors did. Exactly.
So I think he's healthier to begin with. Yeah.
But that's what he probably worked for Native Americans.

Speaker 6 We're probably going to die being around him. Yeah.
Yeah. Did you get to speak to him?

Speaker 10 Yes, I spoke to him.

Speaker 6 Did he speak English? He did speak English.

Speaker 6 I would imagine he speaks some kind of liver language that we can't understand. Grunts.
Yeah. A lot of grunting.

Speaker 10 But he was a pretty cool dude. I talked to some of his people, and he's going to be doing a podcast tour soon.
So hopefully.

Speaker 6 So how is that? Now, Liver King's got a media agent. That doesn't seem very...

Speaker 10 And security guards.

Speaker 6 Well, the big plot hole in all this is Liver King lives as our ancestors did tens of thousands of years ago on TikTok. Yes.
But by mastering the algorithms as our ancestors did.

Speaker 6 He's got the same aging as Jimmy Fallon.

Speaker 6 Yeah, but yeah, we should get him on the show. I would love to interview Liver King.
Yeah, the guy is fascinating to me.

Speaker 10 He's not an interesting guy. The fact that he lives that kind of lifestyle, you know, it's very, it's, it's just interesting.

Speaker 6 Now, Billy, when you were DMing him, did you stop to think for just like a second? Um, and like

Speaker 6 maybe I should stop DMing this guy after the fifth time he didn't respond to me.

Speaker 10 Well, I, you know, he probably doesn't check his phone a lot.

Speaker 6 Listen, I think that's great hustle.

Speaker 6 If it's a passion, like, obviously you can't do it to everyone. Right.
But Liver King, I'm going to make an exception. I think that's, you know, you're allowed to harass Liver King in the DMs.

Speaker 6 All right, so Johnny Davis is actually really hurt. I don't know what happened to him.
This is bad, Jake. Have you found anything, Jake? I feel like you stopped looking.

Speaker 9 No, I've been looking. I haven't seen anything.
I just don't want to misreport.

Speaker 6 No, he's very, very hurt. This is all brutal.
On his own power. Billy, you know that? But that drawing one of Liver King's TikToks.

Speaker 6 Yeah, I know. You're in the background.
And these are all the primals that came out to see.

Speaker 10 Yeah, those are the primals. Yeah, I stopped.

Speaker 8 These are some primal men. Yeah.

Speaker 6 Well, it kind of. It looks like prison, honestly.
No, but this is what happened.

Speaker 10 They were doing the $100.

Speaker 10 He started getting $100. They wanted you to do 100 push-ups.
Then all these guys started coming out of the woodwork. He's like, I can do 100 push-ups.
And it's just like...

Speaker 10 Non-primals were doing 100 push-ups for $100.

Speaker 6 The best part of lower body injury. It's very vague.
The best part is when the push-up contest starts, Billy is just like looking around at all the bros trying to go faster than everybody.

Speaker 6 You like turn into like a little contest to see if you could outwork him.

Speaker 8 I love it, Billy.

Speaker 6 I gotta get pumped. There was a lot of primals.
These guys probably did chest day the day before, too, but they're still going. I know.

Speaker 10 Once I saw all these dudes started to take their shirts off, and I was like, okay, you know what?

Speaker 10 I'm going to keep my shirt on.

Speaker 6 It's getting a little too primal. Yeah, Billy would hate that.
Hanging out with a bunch of shirtless bros.

Speaker 6 All right, well, good job, Billy. I I love it.
Hopefully, we get Liver King on. Would you say he's your top of your list of guests you want?

Speaker 10 He's up there. He was attainable.
He came to this city.

Speaker 6 Right. Well, clearly not that attainable.

Speaker 10 Well, he had to hop on the plane. He was leaving right after that.

Speaker 6 That's what they all say.

Speaker 6 Let me guess.

Speaker 6 He had a flight an hour from now. Yeah, and two.
Oh.

Speaker 10 Yeah. That's a thing?

Speaker 6 I mean, it's

Speaker 6 pretty easy. I saw him walking around Brooklyn yesterday.
Yesterday? No, I'm just kidding.

Speaker 6 That would have broken your heart.

Speaker 6 I'm going to lie to you. Why Liver King? Liver King shouldn't take planes, by the way.
No,

Speaker 6 that's illegal. That should be illegal.
Like, grab a bird. Yeah, that should absolutely be illegal.
Liver King, no planes. I see him running in the tunnel.
You can see him running in the tunnel.

Speaker 9 There's a video on the broadcast, or someone videoed him running in the tunnel.

Speaker 6 I don't know what that means. All right.
Well, I guess we'll find.

Speaker 6 I'll have more. We'll have more on Wednesday, but this is this could have been.
Dr. PFT has diagnosed it as a facial/slash head slash neck.
Okay.

Speaker 6 This would be just like I was having such a great college basketball week and then just can never have nice things.

Speaker 6 And just a quick shout out to everyone who's like, I can't wait till Wisconsin loses in the tournament. Yeah, they will.
I don't care.

Speaker 9 You can fucking dance on my grave. 99, 67 of them.

Speaker 6 You'll have your fucking...

Speaker 6 You'll have your party on my grave. I did put a future on Wisconsin.
They were in Solidary. Got a future on Wisconsin.
Have one too. Yeah.
Future on Duke.

Speaker 6 In Solidary Baby. We have to the Hungry Dog Puck.
Yeah.

Speaker 6 Have it.

Speaker 6 Kansas, and there was one other that I got talked into. Arkansas.
Auburn. Arkansas.
Arkansas. Must bust.
Almost came back and won that game.

Speaker 8 Auburn, Wisconsin, and Duke.

Speaker 6 Okay. Those are my teams.
This is March, baby. Great fucking time of the year.
We got some good interviews coming up with some coaches, players, all kinds of stuff for March.

Speaker 6 Analysts.

Speaker 8 What? Analysts.

Speaker 6 Analysts.

Speaker 6 Titus isn't really an analyst.

Speaker 8 No, he's not.

Speaker 6 Right.

Speaker 8 But someone else is.

Speaker 6 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Again, Titus is not our eight-lister. Just want to make sure that's clear.
Because people are getting excited. He's an A-lister in my book.
He's an A-lister. Yeah.

Speaker 6 It's like.

Speaker 6 It's a very long time.

Speaker 8 It's hard to put him on the Mount Rushmore guest and then knock on an A-lister.

Speaker 6 Well, he's, you know.

Speaker 6 Yeah.

Speaker 6 Sure.

Speaker 6 I'm just kidding. I fucking love him.
He is an A-lister. He's number one

Speaker 6 in.

Speaker 6 He's number.

Speaker 6 What number did he wear?

Speaker 6 I don't know. Did he? I don't think he ever took his jacket off.
Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 6 He's He's number

Speaker 6 zero in your playbook, in your program, number one in your heart. That's Mark Titus.
34. 34.
I'm very excited for when Mark Titus. I think he wore that for Shaq.
Give me a 51. Out Shaq.
51.

Speaker 8 I'll take him 34 for Mark.

Speaker 6 Another weird thing that Darren Ravel owns. Shaq's student.

Speaker 9 95.

Speaker 6 That was his first time.

Speaker 8 Ravelle ate the trash so hard last night.

Speaker 6 Oh, yeah. What do you do? Tell me, tell me.

Speaker 6 He said the Lakers right now are the seventh seed, and they're, what, 42 and 30?

Speaker 8 Yeah, he said someone just placed a $50,000 bet on the Lakers to to win the championship. They're currently 42 and 31,

Speaker 6 which is not true at all. It's not true at all.

Speaker 6 Well, what happened was he googled what the Lakers' record was. And at this time last year, I think they were like 42.
Oh, that's awesome. Or maybe that was their 10 years.

Speaker 8 I don't know how you can type how, like, yeah, how can you do that?

Speaker 6 How do you even remotely follow sports and think the Lakers are 10 games over 500? Right.

Speaker 6 All right. 22.
34. 51.

Speaker 6 67.

Speaker 6 25.

Speaker 6 Oh, Brad, what are you doing with that shot?

Speaker 6 76.

Speaker 6 New number. Oh, new number, and also not good after we talked about the Eastern Conference Hank.

Speaker 10 Love you guys. Does that mean anything? So, Corgis, the Corgis have a dominant gene that makes their legs short.
So, if you look up Corgi mixes, they all have tiny legs like Corgis.

Speaker 6 Love you guys.

Speaker 6 Talking away.

Speaker 6 Though I don't know what I'm to say and say it anyway.

Speaker 6 Today's a night day to find you shy in a way

Speaker 6 Oh, I'll be coming for your love okay

Speaker 6 Shy in a way

Speaker 6 Oh, I'll be coming for your love okay

Speaker 6 take

Speaker 6 on

Speaker 6 me

Speaker 6 Take

Speaker 6 me

Speaker 6 on

Speaker 6 I'll keep keep

Speaker 6 on

Speaker 6 cheating

Speaker 6 take

Speaker 6 me

Speaker 6 on

Speaker 6 to

Speaker 6 Needless to say

Speaker 6 I'm all designed

Speaker 6 But I'll be so a little way

Speaker 6 So I love

Speaker 6 life is okay

Speaker 6 Say up to me

Speaker 6 It's no better to be safe than sorry

Speaker 6 Say up to me

Speaker 6 It's no better to be safe than sorry Take

Speaker 6 on

Speaker 6 me,

Speaker 6 take

Speaker 6 me

Speaker 6 up

Speaker 6 I'll be

Speaker 6 gone

Speaker 6 and a drunk tree

Speaker 6 Take

Speaker 6 me

Speaker 6 up

Speaker 6 I'll be

Speaker 6 gone

Speaker 6 and it's a true

Speaker 6 things that you say

Speaker 6 Just put

Speaker 6 memories away

Speaker 6 You're all the things I've got to do and nothing

Speaker 6 When you shine away

Speaker 6 I'll become a blue anyway.

Speaker 6 When you shine away,

Speaker 6 when you shine away,

Speaker 6 when you shine away,

Speaker 6 I'll become a blue anyway.

Speaker 6 Take

Speaker 6 on

Speaker 6 me,

Speaker 6 take

Speaker 6 me

Speaker 6 up. up.

Speaker 6 I'll be

Speaker 6 gone

Speaker 6 in a

Speaker 6 day.

Speaker 6 In a day.

Speaker 6 It's part of my take presented by Barcelona Sports.