NFL Week 14 Recap, Blowouts Galore, The Bears Suck And Who's Back Of The Week

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
On today's Pardon My Take, week 14, blowout week. A couple great games in there, though.
We're going to recap every game. We're going to do fastest two minutes.
We also are starting the recording right at the second half of Bears-Packers kickoff, so you'll get live reactions to whatever's going to happen there. Who knows? Crazy, crazy first half.
We have Who's Back of the Week? Football Guy of the Week. Another great Football Monday.
There's not a ton left, so embrace it, embrace it, embrace it. Great show coming up, and we're rated T for team.
My name is Paul Heyman. Special counsel to Roman Reigns and the Bloodlines wise man.
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Boy!

Boy! Now in the street there is violence And then a lot of work to be done No place to hang out or wash in And then I can't blame all on the sun Oh no, we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue And then we'll take it higher Oh, we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue

And then we'll take it higher

It's Pardon My Take, presented by Barstool Sports.

Welcome to Pardon My Take, presented by Tostitos, the official chip and dip of the NFL.

Today is Monday, December 13th, week 14. What? What? What? What? What? What? We start in Cleveland where the Ravens had a queen on defense, but an artist formerly known as the most valuable prince on offense.
As Lamar Jackson came down with a purple sprain, purple sprain. I would walk 500 miles.
Garrett proclaimed the season is not over for the Browns as the Browns first produced their pistol, then produced their baker, said Cleveland and deliver because they've got whiskey in the jar. This Landry, Browns 24, Ravens 22.
to Ronald What? What? To Ronald John Merrillan, where fast times at Ridgemont Heineke got the ball knocked out of his Mr. Hand and threw a costly piccoli.
In true Texas form, the Cowboys brought their own electric chairs to the sideline as Jerry Jones and Dr. Dre said, These benches ain't shit.
Young Jeezy Greg Zerline put on for a city and them boys with four field goals. Cowboys, 27.
The Washington football team, 20. The Packers just scored.
Fuck. In Charlotte, where Hayden Hurst so good.
Come on, baby. Hayden Hurst so good.
Scored for the Falcons. And speaking of Hurts, my eyes when I'm watching Cam Newton play football Kevin McHale Walker drop-stepped in front of a pass and the Panthers went chuba diving to the bottom of the NFC south since Christian McCaffrey's leg got the bends.
Falcons 29, Panthers 21. What? Some spread.
In Kansas City where Mike Hughes' line isn't anyway scored six points that

didn't really matter. Tyrancy Reagan Matthew had a nose for the ball as the Chiefs swallowed the Raiders whole.
This game was on ice early as Clyde Edwards' Hilaire conditioning made sure the Chiefs never had to sweat.

The Chiefs take down the Raiders 48-9.

Raiders. Thoughts and prayers to the boy.
In Tennessee where loser Trevor Lawrence threw four interceptions and loser James Robinson only had four yards on six carries. Marvin Jones Jr.
Who's a loser might I add. His dad's probably a loser too.
Had a decent game in a losing effort. The defense, comprised of a bunch of losers, lit up 20 points.
And the coaching staff, who are all losers, might I add, lost the game. Except, of course, Urban Meyer, who has won three national titles and is a winner's winner.
Titans 20, Loser Jaguars 0. L one as it anyway, Boom Ah, I like it

To Mile High where Melvin Gordon Ramsey told the Lions

These kneecaps taste like shit in it

On his way to two scores

Prince Albert, Oakway and Unabom

Pierce through the Lions' D for a score

The one bright spot for Detroit

Was Khalif Everybody Loves Raymond's Touchdown

Remind the fanbase that Barone wasn't built in a day

Ted Zeppelin Bridgewater has built a stairway to seven wins

Thank you. was Khalif Everybody Loves Raymond's Touchdown.
Remind the fan base that Barone wasn't built in a day.

Ted Zeppelin Bridgewater has built a stairway to seven wins.

The Broncos, 38.

The Lions, 10.

In Cincinnati, where any defender saying they could guard George turned out to be a pretty kid a liar

as he went for 151 yards and a touchdown.

Jamar Shmello Chase camped out in the end zone and said, I want more. In overtime, the crowd was chanting, Let's go, Brandon, as IU put up some suspicious points late at night after most people stopped watching the game.
The Niners win in OT 26-23. Stick to sports, boom.
Down in Tampa Bay, where what looked like a blowout got close late when Dawson Johnny Knoxville scored and Bucs fans looked like they were beer-bonging farts. Josh Allen wrench was twisting and turning and doing it all for the Bills in their furious comeback.
Tyler Pro Bass Shot Pyramid sent the game to overtime, but the catch of the day came from Rashad Katie Perryman as he and Tom Brady Perry hooked up for a touchdown and said, I kissed a girl and I liked it. Hope that my son don't mind it.
The Bucs, 33. The Bills, 27.
Standing on a corner, Jameis Winston down in Nola. Such a fine sight to see.

It's a Mormon soak and Zach Wilson choke.

With Taysom Hill throwing two TVs.

Come on, Kamara.

You're in the house of the Maras.

And Billy wrote this song, so we're rhyming Mara's. Saints go marching 30 to 9.
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Hey, well, that was a good start for this. So set the stage.
We are recording and during the second half of the Bears Packers game, because we thought we'd give people a look into the sadness that I will undoubtedly have. And as I was finishing that ad, it's 28-27 Packers, and the Bears just got a holding penalty while Justin Fields fumbled the ball.
You'll always have that first half, though. That first half was awesome.
How did that happen? How did the Bears play an incredible first half that was full of exciting plays and just fun, And I was cheering and I was yelling and I was yelping.

And it was like,

it was like just feeling alive again.

They were fast.

Matt Nagy was calling good plays.

And then we start this podcast and literally the second that we start the

real show,

Justin Fields gets strips sacked on a holding call too.

If you hold,

you shouldn't get,

give up a strip sack.

Yeah.

This is like the reverse wizard of Oz and Pink Floyd album where the,

I'm not kidding. get strip sacked on a holding call too if you hold you shouldn't get give up a strip sack yeah this is like the reverse wizard of oz and pink floyd album where they they started the second half in in sync with us starting this podcast so that they would know to maximize exactly when this show would need them to have the colossal fuck-ups i appreciate the commitment to the artistry by the bears there but good news oh and here's a touchdown so I was about to say good news, and then the good news is now irrelevant, what I was going to say, because it was about to be wrong.
We've been recording now for seven minutes, and the Packers have scored twice. They also scored during Boomers.
You heard that. Like, how? All right, well, so guess what? You sick fucking perverts.
You're going to get to listen to the rest of this game, and I'm sure the Packers are going to end up winning by like 25, and Hank has a parlay that he sent me. He's like, hey, if anyone wants to bet this, he sent it to me.
It was like Packers to win by 45, Aaron Rodgers to throw 17 touchdowns, and Devontae Adams to have 45 touchdowns. In my defense, McCat, you have given me zero faith, zero reason to believe.

All you've done is talk down the Bears. So when I think about it, I'm like, what does Big Cat Bears fan think? He thinks they're terrible and they're going to get smoked.
And again, I said it to you earlier. I was with you in Arizona when they got beat like 41-0.
Yeah, the famous 2013 game. And that's what I'll always think of when I think of Bears backers.
2014 when it was actually it was basically Aaron Rodgers

playing against the Bears if you played on

all That's what I'll always think of when I think of Bears back. A 2014 when it was actually – it was basically Aaron Rodgers playing against the Bears if you played on all the sliders in your favor on rookie mode, and it's not even fun because that was how bad they beat us.
This is what I don't like. In the first half, you sacked Aaron Rodgers and you did the discount double check in his face in the first quarter.
I know you've got to take your chances when they're there because you so very rarely get to even do that. So I understand the feeling that, okay, we need to celebrate when we have the chance.
Yes. But also, if you do that to Aaron, you're poking the bear a little bit.
But he's already been poked. He's always been poked.
He's a surly guy who should be in prison. No, he got immunized.
He got immunized. He's a surly malcontent who doesn't like anyone, who doesn't have any friends, and he should be in prison.
So listen, the small... I'll have that first half.
That run back from Jakeem Grant was electric. You had the jet sweep? Yeah, Matt Nagy's been calling great plays.
It's actually been Bill Blazer, I assume, because anything good that happens, I assume it's not Matt Nagy. Well, at halftime, Matt Nagy said, I am having fun.
That was the quote that he gave. Well, he probably thought it was a two-quarter game.
He said, I'm having fun. We're all having fun.
This is fun, isn't it, guys? This is bad. This is now bad.
This is getting... It was not a war crime.
Now it's getting close to a war crime, because I think it's going to get way worse. Can I give you a spin zone on this? If Matt Nagy wins this game and the Bears go on a little run, a little trot to end the season and they get into that Nickelodeon game, then Matt Nagy might have a case.
Keep me around. Let's not change.
You don't want to ruin things for a rookie quarterback and put him in a new system year two. He's gone.
He's already been fake fired. I know he's been fake fired, but I'm saying you kind of don't want him to win this game.
They're so far back from the playoffs that there's like, there's every, the Bears are essentially those people who post like the Lions who have been eliminated officially today, which is sad, but they're in that camp where like people put together half drunk theories where it's like every single game has to go your way then you've got to throw in a random tie as well. The khaki nerd told me that you guys were not eliminated yet.
They suck. Until Steve Kornacki unrolls his phantom scroll that he keeps on.
By the way, I'm a Kornacki scroll truther. I don't think that he actually has anything written on that piece of paper.
Probably not. It's just a prop for him.
Probably not. All right, so we'll recap the rest of this game as it goes along.

It's going to get bad.

I can feel it, just the tenor of just hitting record

and two touchdowns happening that fast.

But we will jump in every now and then.

I just need one Devontae Adams touchdown.

All right, okay.

Just so you know where my head's at.

Just shut up.

Also, everybody should know going into this podcast

that Hank has fully embraced his heel turn.

Hank's new His new bit now

Is to just

Thank you. where my head's at.
Just shut up. Also, everybody should know going into this podcast that Hank has fully embraced his heel turn.
Hank's new, his new bit now is to just be grumpy. Very hateful.
What are you guys talking about? Our food was late. He's in love.
Our food was late. He's in love.
Hank was threatening murder. You're either angry or smug with us.
All right, you guys are really twisting this. Very smarmy.
A grumpy man would say that. I'm not grumpy at all.
I'm the happiest person in the world. Well, because you're the only one who got your full meal.
He's also happy because you're sad. He's out of the Chili's.
By the way. And he's either angry or he's happy because somebody else is sad.
And he's already cashed his Bears lose by a thousand parlay in his head. Yes, exactly.
And we'll get to some of Hank's shenanigans a little bit later with some of these teams that he's rooting for. Okay, so all right, let's hop into the games.
Let's hop into week 14. I love you guys.
I would just want that on the record. You don't mean that.
I do mean that. Send that parlay if you love me.
You take me off. Send it to everyone else.
No, Big Cat. God forbid.
You thought I was going to bet that? No. Absolutely not.
It was Packers to win by 45. It was like, will Big Cat be the first member part of my take to die? It was like $10 to win a million.
Minus 300. Everything that had to happen good for the Packers.
All right, let's get into the games. Let's talk.
Let's start with everyone's favorite division, the AFC North, that no one wants to win, Browns-Ravens. Browns 24, Ravens 22.
So let's start with the Ravens.

I think the Ravens, if you're a Ravens fan,

you officially, you probably already won it before,

but with Marlon Humphreys getting hurt last week

and Lamar Jackson getting hurt this week,

we don't know how long he's going to be out.

You officially are the champions of most injured team of 2021.

Like I said, you probably already had that crown,

but this was the final piece of having Lamar Jackson getting hurt. You Ravens fans have every right to complain about injuries, and this team was already on the precipice of falling apart, and then Lamar Jackson got hurt, and Tyler Huntley actually played okay and brought them back.
But it's over. The Ravens have won the award for most injured.
Hang the banner in Baltimore. If you're a guy who likes to have the Ravens record in your Twitter bio, replace that with most injured team of 2021.
Or just don't update it from this point out. They have outperformed their injury look that they've had so far because going into this, they were like the most injured team of the preseason too.
Yes. so it's like preseason champions and regular season they lost when it comes to that both their running backs and one of their starting cornerbacks in in in training camp in August and I think they've had some line issues too um and now that Lamar's done I think well they said he's got a lower ankle sprain so that could that might not be that that could be like a two-week injury two and a half weeks Russell Wilson would say like I'm walk it off tomorrow.
I'll be practicing. I actually haven't taken myself out of the game, even though I have one foot is how Russell Wilson would do that.
Try to play in a wheelchair. Yeah, but they had a nice little comeback.
Harbaugh gave us a new little wrinkle to think about when it comes to when to go for two and when to kick an extra point. Okay.
Because he went for two down nine later on in the game. Okay.
So think that uh you kick the extra point you go down eight it's a one score game right uh uh no the analytics community would tell you that you're gonna have to go for two at some point so we already know if you're down 14 go for two right yep always now i think we have to add this one that if you're down nine you go for two because you're gonna have to go for two anyways to win you're gonna want to know exactly when you need to get that two points yes that's true because now you've got no it's half the battle later yeah and then justin tucker had an awesome free kick because justin tucker's a magician yeah anything that he touches with his foot turns to gold yeah and uh but yeah they came back well in this game the browns offense was a little weird i was gonna say that's more about the Browns, like the Brown back well in this game. The Browns offense was a little weird.

I was going to say that's more about the Browns.

The Browns defense won this game.

The Browns defense did enough they had to do to make big stops in big moments.

The Browns offense, they're just weird because you thought they could run the ball.

They really couldn't run it that great today, not the dominating run that they've been used

to.

And they didn't score in the entire second half. they had a couple good drives, and that was it.
They just haven't figured it out. I think they win this game, though, if Lamar Jackson plays, because Hollywood Brown was, excuse me, Marquise.
You mean the Ravens win this game? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think so, because Marquise Brown was open a couple times.
Huntley missed him on a few bad overthrows. Yep.
And obviously just, you know, he's Lamar Jackson, so he's probably going to be better than Huntley, who did, though, play pretty well for the Ravens in the second half. I don't know if anyone wants to win the AFC North, though, because now the AFC North is very, very cloudy.
I think the Ravens are in – I mean, it's not a crazy thing to say. They in big trouble without Lamar Jackson.
And, oh yeah, they have Packers, App Bengals, and Rams coming up. So, not exactly like an easy schedule down the stretch.
And now the AFC North, we were talking about it. The AFC North, at times we've been like, ooh, the AFC North might be the best division in football.
Because each team has taken a turn, maybe not the Steelers, but each team has taken a turn in the sun where it's like, oh, they're really, really good. And none of the teams are truly awful.
But then you actually look at it and you're like, wait, none of these teams are good either. I think all the teams, when they play their best games, are very good.
But they usually don't play their best games. They're just very average teams, I think.
Man, this really makes me wish that the Steelers won on Thursday night. If the Steelers had won that game, I would say the Steelers might actually look like they're the best team right now.
And they would all be within one game in the win column. And they are one game in the loss column.
Obviously, the Steelers have that tie. But here's what I'll say nice about the

AFC North. I would imagine if I had

to guess, you know how they usually flex

one game to Sunday

Night Football Week 18, which sounds weird

to say. It feels

like the AFC North

will probably have that game for the division,

which will be fun. That will be fun.

I think the Browns play the Bengals.

Maybe it'll be that. I like that.
That'll be a lot of fun. That will be a lot of fun.
determining who wins that division. Right.
So that's one good thing to look at if you're AFC North, if you're a fan of the division. Only other notes I had.
Takaris McKinley. I forgot he was on the Browns.
That's why you don't give up on first-round picks. There you go.
Miles Garrett was awesome. Yeah, he was awesome.
He was very good. But Takaris McKinley, I was like, oh, I remember when he was on the Falcons and he sucked and they just benched him.
You know what Miles Garrett reminds me of when you used to do like a creative player in Madden and you just, you'd get wild with it and you'd say, you know what, I'm going to make the tallest player that you can make. I'm going to make the strongest player you can make and also, oh yeah, I'm going to make him the fastest player on the field.
Yes. That's it.
Miles Garrett doesn't look like he should be able to run that fast. It's a crime against God that he's able to run that fast.
The strongest, fastest guy out there who's just an absolute monster. And, yeah, I mean, I guess, all right, right now, if you had to pick a team from the AFC North that you feel most confident in.
Okay. I think it's the Browns.
I think it might be the Browns because their defense. And because they can run the ball.
They chose not to run the ball today. Yes.
But they can. We know that they can run the ball.
They're built for December. Dare I say they're built for playoff weather.
Hank? What? Tomlin, Big Ben, all the experience, all the history. One more year? If they had won that game.
One more year. Chase Claypool.
Still mad at Chase Claypool. Chase Claypool.
Although Billy is a chase truther. Billy thinks that it wasn't his fault that they lost the game.
Billy thinks that it should have been an unspoken-like penalty against the Vikings for knocking the ball out of his hand. That's just a heads-up play.
Yeah, but if he had just brought the ball back to the middle of the field, that never would have happened. We know it was waiting until the ref got there.
No, no, no, no, no. Because he could have done that little celebration, and then the ref would have got there.
They kind of got a place. So you're actually just saying the quote that Chase Claypool said? Yeah.
Okay, got it. So you're a mouthpiece for Chase Claypool.
Because that's exactly what he said. I know, but then Chase Claypool thought that his teammate knocked the ball out.
That's why he was freaking out. Like, why would you knock the ball out? But it was really the Vikings linebacker.
You're just a PR flack for Chase Claypool. You're saying what he said.
I know, but it also should have been a penalty. Just looking at the tape.
He was an idiot, and he cost them that game. I will stand by that.
Yeah, if it wasn't for that, I would say the Steelers. But now I'm going to say the Browns, even though I think we've been saying for the last few weeks that the Browns look like they're probably going to be the odd man out in that division.
I don't know. I don't know anymore.
Also, each team has a pretty tough end of the schedule to them. Man.
Oh, also, I just realized this. It's going to be fun to watch.
It's the gray cup tonight yeah and in canada the clock stops after every play chase claypool's canadian got it he's still dealing with the transition that makes a cultural difference that makes sense and uh billy saw him at santa con on saturday no he actually was there yeah totally was he yeah oh okay i want to go to SantaCon next year. My buddy had a picture with her.
You should do it before you turn 30. Yeah, totally.
Was he? Yeah. Oh, okay.
I want to go to SantaCon next year.

My buddy had a picture with him.

You should do it before you turn 30.

Yeah, absolutely do it.

All right, next up, Cowboys-Washington football team.

I think the big story today coming out of the DMV area

is that we're all praying for Lamar Jackson's ankle.

I think you've got to think about people's health first and foremost. Got it.
But there was also this game today. Taylor Heineke was, again, bad Taylor Heineke.
He goes back and forth sometimes. Very bad Taylor Heineke.
Now, this game swung on the benches, clearly. If the football team had the benches that Jerry Jones imported from Dallas, Texas, he put them on a plane, flew them them first class from dallas to washington dc he should kick some troops off the plane probably kicked troops off the plane yeah flew into reagan took them up on a bus put them in our stadium that's the difference right there we were not prepared to deal with defending against not only a 53-man roster but also their own benches that they bring from home when that story hit twitter this morning it, it was a true touch grass moment where people were getting upset about benches.
And I was like, am I missing something here? What's the big issue? People were like, Jerry Jones, say what you want about him. But I was a fan until he had those benches go under the sideline.
The worst thing that he's ever done is providing his players with a comfortable place to sit. But honestly, it's a good decision for Jerry Jones, knowing the facilities that we have in Rauld John, Maryland.
If you get to pick where your team can sit, keep them away from all the sewage pipes. That's number one.
And also, everything at field level, we've seen what that field can do. The benches.
So, yeah. I don't have a problem with what Jerry Jones did at all.
If you don't like it, then bring your own. It sounds like a bunch of broke boys who don't own benches.
That's true. That are complaining about it.
There was another serious pregame story that had people worried too, PFT. What's that? Oh, the hat.
Oh, the hat. Yeah, the hat.
I found the hat, though. I found the hat.
The hat was, remember when we went to Buffalo? I think that played a factor. You had people worried.
I wasn't warmed up with the hat. The hat didn't have enough time to prepare for this game.
But when we went to Buffalo, I put a different hat, a warmer hat on over it at times because it's very cold there. And I was literally doing hat on hat football.
And I didn't think to check inside the old hat. So on Saturday when I'm looking for the RG3 hat, it was nowhere to be found.
I found it this morning. I felt good.
But, yeah, my whole vibe with the hat was messed up going into the game. It was a short week for the hat.
Yeah. So, yeah, unfortunately, well, the hat's still 13-0 in its last 13 games against the spread that it's picked.
Got it. But it hasn't gambled on any of them.
But it hasn't bet on any of those games or won any money. It's an asterisk.
But I do it, not for me, Big Cap, but for the people. Right.
But if you bet on them, then it really matters. Right.
Right. But it matters for people out there, for the people that are listening.
Mike McCarthy, he goes down. When you list them, it's like Joe Namath, Super Bowl III, Mark Messier, Eastern Conference Finals, 1994, Jim Harbaugh, 1986, Michigan, Ohio State, Paul the Octopus, and Mike McCarthy, week 14 against Taylor Heineke, guaranteeing a win.
It really went out on a limb on that one. You kind of wasted it, Mike.
You kind of wasted your guarantee of a win. I don't think you can do it again.
And you used it week 14 against Taylor Heineke. Whoops.
All right, so at halftime, Washington had 29 yards of total offense. Taylor Heineke was 2 for 12 for 19 yards.
He looked very bad in the first half. Very, very bad.
But then he did have that one sweet point downfield where he had all the time in the world in the backfield, and he pointed his finger up at him. pointed, like, to God.
He was, like, tapping God on the shoulder, like, watch this.

It's me, your finest creation.

You're going to be very proud of me with this throw.

And then he underthrew, I think it was Terry McLaurin, by, like, 17 yards.

He got him concussed?

Was that the one that got him concussed?

That was a different one that Terry caught that was also underthrown.

But he did – it was a sweet point.

He was, like, he called a shot.

I'm throwing the ball straight up in the air.

And any time you see a quarterback do that, you know that it's about to be really fucked up. Well, here's what I'll say in defense of Taylor Heineke.
The Cowboys are finally healthy on defense. And the combo of Randy Gregory and Demarcus Lawrence, like that is a, like they couldn't block anyone.
They couldn't block. Michael Parsons was all over the field.
They could not block anyone. It was crazy to watch.
So the Cowboys, like, that game was way more about the Cowboys. And Dak actually was not very good.
No. Dak was off.
But the Cowboys' defense, like, they obviously gave up some yards in garbage time. The pick six made it look closer than it actually was.
But the Cowboys' defense, like, if those guys stay healthy and they're playing like that they are now it's crazy to think how loaded the NFC is in terms of contenders and how weak the AFC is in relation but yeah the Cowboys like that I walked away from that game thinking the Cowboys are back to being for real for real because that defense that game, not the offense with all the weapons that we all talk about.

Also credit, Hank, Stu Feiner helped us out sniffing out that rat line, the biggest rat line of the week,

because it did, going into that game,

how are the Washington football team four-and-a-half-point dogs?

I mean, I knew that.

I think on Friday's show, it was like this point spread

actually seems too low for me.

I feel like the Cowboys should have been favored by more than four and a half. And then at kickoff, it moved up

to six and a half points. There was the fumble six on defense, and then we got to pick six.

And then Antonio Gibson had that fumble in the second half. Those are the plays that

changed the outcome of this game. I'm bullish on the offs for the Washington football team.

Oh, are you?

We're still in the offs right now. If the season ended today, it would be playoff city.
I think

I'm going to go the offs for the Washington football team. Oh, are you? Because we're still in the offs right now.
If the season ended today, it would be playoff city. I think we moved down to the seventh seed today.
If we win our games against the Eagles and then win against the Giants. Not an easy game.
Not easy, but we can still lose to the Cowboys again. Well, maybe we'll bring our own benches to Arlington, see if Jerry likes that.
He can use his own medicine yeah but if we win those two games against the eagles and then win against the giants and still lose to the cowboys i think chances are still pretty good that we're going to be that i don't think you're going to win both games against i know i'm just saying that's the roadmap got it there's a clear roadmap i'm doing my cornacchi right hey maybe i mean it's a cluttered cluttered field in those last few spots for the nf playoffs. We also started— No one's dead.
I think our defense—let's see what the stat is here. Out of our available defensive ends, they've collectively had 129 defensive snaps in the NFL.
So that's one, two, three, four guys that have only played 129 snaps going into today. None of them were starters going into today.
Two und and then sounds like excuse making seven no i'm i'm recapping the game got it i'm recapping the game uh and then also there was a but that the your defense wasn't your offense was the problem yeah no i'm just recapping yeah i got it i'm just recapping because the defense has been playing well taylor heineke probably banged up right now but you know what i don't i don't't even mind Taylor Heineke having these shitty games because this is all part of the Taylor Heineke experience.

Yeah.

It was truly shitty.

It was truly shitty, especially that first half was just painful.

He got to a point where every pass felt like it was going to be disaster.

Yeah.

Every single pass.

And I think there were like two or three maybe dropped interceptions

off Taylor Heineke passes in that first half.

It could have been a lot worse than as bad as that first half ended up being. Also, there was a pair of scissors on the field.
That's not safe. Not safe.
Not safe. Would your parents tell you about running with scissors? But I think, yeah, the Cowboys, to me, the biggest part of this game was the Cowboys' defense and the Cowboys starting with a bad Dak performance.
They win. Obviously, again, if you look at the score, you're like, oh, that was pretty close.
close it wasn't close uh and Dak if he plays a little bit better they're a fucking they're gonna be a really really tough team to beat yeah Skip Bayless was stunting a little bit too you called it Skip Bayless was he was pumped after yeah this is the game remember I said this is like the game that people will walk away from and say oh watch out forboys. Cowboys, they're starting to put it back together, getting healthy.

All right, next up.

But again, big story out of the DMV is Lamar Jackson's ankle.

Lamar Jackson's ankle.

So that's what we're concerned about.

We're hoping it gets better.

Yep.

All right, next up, speaking of another team that everyone's going to be talking about on Monday,

the Chiefs, do it again, dominate the Raiders 48-9.

Since the Titans beat the Chiefs and embarrassed them, remember that 27-3 game? The Chiefs have given up 17 points, 7 points, 14, 9-9-9. They've given up 10 points a game, 10.8 points a game.
Their defense is insane. They had five turnovers forced today.
Frank Clark and Chris Jones together are an absolute monster. Oh, my God.
The Bears just fumbled again. They picked it up.
They got it. Everything that was happening that was good is now bad.
They're holding on special teams. They're fumbling.
Good job, Cole Clement. You're a fucking legend.
Yeah, this game is bad. It's going to get really bad.
I think the Packers are going to win by 30. And there's only like 10 minutes left.
That was a sick fumble recovery, though. The Bears do lead the league in that.
You can't teach that. Draft pick warranted.
Cole Komet, shout out. You get one star of the game.
Alright, so the Chiefs. The Chiefs are like, they're just fine.
They're good again. They're really, really good again.
They are good. They're very good again're very good again.
Yeah. It's like, Oh shit.
The chiefs. Oh yeah.
Remember that team that we were all afraid of? Yeah. We had a nice little vacation from being afraid of the chiefs.
We got to pretend that Patrick Mahomes sucked. We got to say their defense was historically bad.
You know what? I actually think credit to us as members of the media for getting this chiefs team back on the right track, because we had a good, probably five or six weeks. We just got to motherfuck the Bill or the Chiefs yeah the entire time and and dragging them down like that I think that's good for them and I think they needed to have a little bit of that they had too much wet suck for about two and a half years and everybody was just like the Chiefs they can just score at will they're unstoppable this is the new dynasty I know Hank was upset because everyone was saying like Patrick Mahomes has taken the torch from Tom Brady.
Turns out that maybe giving them a little bit of that yummy rat poison was a good thing for them. Yeah, and I know Chiefs fans will probably get cocky again and be like, yeah, we're awesome.
No, no, I remember there was a little bit of panic. There was a little bit of panic in those first two months when the defense was historically bad and the offense looked like shit now you're back to to even here you're you're fighting for the uh one seed and the bye thursday night's gonna be awesome chiefs charge is gonna be it's probably it's gonna decide the afc west let's let's do who's spread is it anyway for the over under oh i Oh.
I'm going to say. Chiefs defense has been insane.

Yeah.

I'm still going to say 54 and a half.

No, not that high.

I'm going to say 51.

51.

And Chargers, it's at Chargers.

Whose line is it anyway?

Chiefs minus two and a half.

No, I think it's a pick them.

Give it to us. It is Chiefs minus three and a half over under 49 and a half.
That was close. I won both.
Yeah, that's okay. So take the Chargers.
Take the Chargers and take the over. Because I'm not going to bet on it.
Yeah, you have six points in your model. Yeah, the deep numbers are telling me take the Char chargers take the over on yeah wow that's a that's a they posted a bad number they did yeah according to your my my book does not would not have that yes yes uh but yeah the chiefs are the chiefs are back and i i hate that the raiders had that big what was when did the raiders have that big win against the chiefs where they they took the buses around i think it was two years ago that's in my head that that I'm thinking, oh, the Raiders kind of have the Chiefs number.
No, no, no, they don't. Yeah, they always play the Chiefs tough.
The Chiefs have killed the Raiders twice in the last month and a half. Because if you always have a team's number, you don't circle their stadium with your buses after a win.
You drive back to the airport and you go home soberly. And I was so mad at myself.
It's a business trip. Because I was like, I'll bet the Chiefs.
I'm going to bet the Chiefs.

Oh, but the Raiders always play them tough.

No, no, no.

They played them tough once.

Yeah.

Two years ago.

You know what the people at the PA system in Kansas City did after the game

when the Raiders were walking off the field?

They played the wheels on the bus go round and round.

So anti-football pussies in the Chiefs organization making fun of John Gruden.

I'm going to say something about the Raiders.

When you have everyone get hyped on the Chiefs logo before the game,

You can do it. Anytime that you're taking a pregame page out of the playbook of Jackson Mahomes, it's probably a bad idea.
And so I have to say that was probably, it sounds like a Will Compton idea. Will is on the Raiders now.
He was probably like, you know what? I'm a big social media star. You know what would be good for engagement if we went on the logo and stomped around? Yeah.
I don't know if Will played today. I hope he didn't.
No, I don't think so. Although he would be a great scapegoat if they cut him immediately and they're like, well, we tried modeling our entire defense around centerpiece Will Compton.
And it didn't work. Shout out to Boy for getting signed.
Very happy for you. Even though PFT just said mean things about you.
I'm happy you're back in the league. From a strategic standpoint, it would be smart for the Raiders.
You said you wanted to cut him. Yeah.
But I don't think he played today. Did he play? Can we get a stat check? That's the problem.
That's the issue, Big Kez. He didn't play.
The boy needs more minutes. I think he played.
I saw him in Jersey. In a jersey, which means he probably was at least on special teams.
I think the boy needs more minutes. That's the issue.
Yeah. They probably would have stopped him.
They probably would have shut him down. It was Scorigami, though,ami though today oh yeah shout out jake jake didn't get the picture with the tv had a very sad scorgami memes stood up to take his picture after the game as is tradition and memes was a good i don't know what he was doing he was standing there just like frozen i think the moment was too big for him and he was trying to take your picture and just he botched it yeah it was tough by the way full disclosure my stomach is is making weird noises.
It's not a fart if you happen to hear it. I just want to get ahead of it just in case.
Oh, okay. That's what a guy who's about to fart would say.
Jake Sneaky is the one who's been ripping ass all these times. Okay.
Jake, you. I'm just saying he can't handle any of the food we order and then he's just ripping ass.
Hey, verbal meme. Jake explaining to a girl in a bar, my stomach just hurts.
It's actually not me fart. It's not a fart.
That smell you smell. Yeah.
Don't worry about it. Things are happening.
But yeah, it was still a sorgami. It'll forever be in the history books.
It wasn't. It wasn't.
It wasn't. The picture wasn't there.
The picture didn't do it. The sad picture that you had me take was you in front of your computer.
You were holding up your computer. Pathetic.
Yeah. Next device up.
Instead of next man up, next device up almost oh my god computer was ready to roll oh man um i have a stat oh josh gordon scored a touchdown good for him he's back he's on the chiefs i can't wait till he scores another touchdown in a prime time game maybe thursday night and everyone says the chiefs have josh gordon that's not fair know what? That's actually how I lost a good amount of my money this year. I kept betting Josh Gordon to get a touchdown in a primetime game because I was like, Andy Reid would love to do this.
Yeah. Because he always likes to find that one guy.
Usually it's like Byron Pringle, the week that everybody forgets about him. You're like, oh, yeah, that guy's on the team too.
Yeah, he's fast. Or like their second tight end that they'll throw two touchdown passes to.
I kept thinking that Andy Reid's going to want to show off his new toy, and then it just never happened. Yeah, but good for him.
Good for Josh Gordon. I have a stat for you, a pro Derek Carr stat.
I don't know. It's hard to do after a game like today, but since Derek Carr became the starter of the Raiders, they have given up 26.6 points per game.
That's first in the NFL. They've also had 319 defensive penalties resulting in first downs.
That's also first in the NFL. So essentially, free Derek Carr.
Free Derek Carr. Free Derek Carr.
He is not that bad. He just has played with a historically terrible defense.

I've actually come around a lot on Derek Carr.

I used to make a lot of fun of Derek Carr,

but the last few seasons,

I think he's good. I think Derek Carr's a very

good quarterback. But you know what sucks

though is because ever since

whatever the Derek Carr version of Toonon

has been very vocal about him

actually being a good quarterback and not throwing interceptions. Ever since they put that in my head, and I looked up his stats, and they're right, he doesn't throw interceptions.
Guess what? He just started throwing interceptions all of a sudden, once I learned that Derek Carr does not throw interceptions. It's like literally buying a new car, no pun intended, and then seeing that car everywhere.
Yeah, or I drove it off the lot, and all of a sudden, the resale value just plummets. Yeah, you're paying attention, and now it's just interceptions left and right.
I've got a used car. But yeah, it's important to point out that it's not Derek Carr's fault because Derek Carr, it feels like every single season goes the exact same way.
The first month and a half, everyone says, oh my God, the Raiders are playing well. And the Raiders are one of those teams that everyone wants them to be good because it's fun when they're good.
And it's, you know, you get Mark Davis in primetime wearing weird shit with Cheetos on his fingers, acting like a creep. You get all that shit, right? And then somewhere in week 10, the Raiders start to fade.
And everyone's like, well, Derek Carr stinks. No, his whole team stinks um and also Darren Waller's out and that's like half of the throws and also Terran Matthew we should give him some credit too because it's just amazing how some people continue to be in the right place at the right time all the time yes he's just he people say like football instincts and usually that's just a lazy way to be like, okay, I don't know how to describe the type of leverage that this cornerback is playing.
But Tyron Matthew actually has instincts. Yes.
I think like his ancestors' ancestors' ancestors played some form of football. Nose to the ball.
To the point where he is attracted to football. Yes.
Yes, he's all around it. It's absolutely true.
There are some guys you can't do analytics about it. You can't.
It's almost like the clutch gene. Yeah.
You just can't. You don't know how to explain it.
Peanut Tillman was the same way. You don't know how to explain it.
They're just always around the ball. They're always making plays.
That's a very good point. Okay.
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Start earning those rewards and booking those tee times barstool golf time app now okay uh we're back update the bears third and seven they're down 11 this game has just gotten boring um and the bears suck and now they're going to go for it on fourth down probably not get it aaron rogers score going the other way It's going to end up being a 17 to 24 point loss.

Hank, how are your parlay's going? Not good

because you need Devontae Adams to score another touchdown.

That's all I need. You're just...
What about...

He catches himself right there. Didn't you also

do the fantasy football

one? Parlay?

No. Oh, okay.
You just

need that. I just need...
Well,

yeah, and the Packers minus 13 and a half,

but assuming that if he scores, that would win it all. That was factored into your model.
Do you have any other bets on this game? Packers. Just Packers minus 12? Yeah.
So they're not covering right now. No.
I need a Devontae Adams. Why? The Bears are punting on fourth and inches, down 11, four and eight.
They're pretty far back. Oh! Touchdown! Yes! That's why you punt! Wait, no, you can't advance that.
But that doesn't matter. That's why you punt.
That's why you do the coward's punt. The Bears just recovered the fumble.
Punt to win. And muffed it.
That's why you coward punt. Oh, my God.
That was a great moment to capture. You just lied and mushed me.
That's too bad, Hank talking it over If the Bears win I'm happy They just don't know what's going on They throw the bean bag then the hat And they're like we'll just get back to this later I always think that the bald refs There's always a pause before they have to throw their hat. They're like, was that really worth calling?

Can I get away with it?

What?

Oh, my God.

Oh, no.

False start.

It was a false start on your punter.

Are you fucking serious?

I can't believe they put up the flag graphic.

Why did they even let them punt?

Why didn't they just stop?

Are you kidding me?

On the gunner?

What's the call? Fuck that. That gunner? What's that?

That's what that's the call did he know they that was that was a false start motion that serious

Isn't illegal formation kind of the same thing? Oh my god

This is this is the refs doing fuck shit NFL rigged. Yeah, no, This is one of those things.
Oh, right off his face, too. How is that possible? What is that called? Yeah, that's not illegal for me.
This is a Cassius Marsh type situation. That's such bullshit.
That's such bullshit. And now we're back to coward punting.
I didn't see him move. Unbelievable.
On the bright side, they're not punting on fourth and inches anymore. That's great.
Thanks, Jake. Jake always knows how to put a smile on her face.
He's really good at the positive thinking. What the fuck was that? That was a bullshit call.
A bullshit call. Oh, someone just tweeted a picture of the ref doing the Lambo leap.
I'm going to retweet that. Yep.
That's true. That's a fact.
They should have ball. Don't lie.
Give us a roughing the punter. Yeah, they owe you one.
Fuck that. All right.
They owe you one. It's coming.
Next game. This is going to be one of the games that we're very excited to talk about.
The Titans and the Jaguars. Yes.
Let's get the Titans out of the way. Good job, Titans.
You won a game. Let's talk about the Jaguars.
Yes. Let's get the Titans out of the way.

Good job, Titans.

You won a game.

Let's talk about the Jaguars.

Urban Meyer had quite a last few days.

So the walls are coming in.

The walls are caving in on our boy Urban Meyer.

Urban Meyer had a report come out on Friday, I believe.

Might have been Saturday.

That said he is everyone in the building hates him. He had a fight with Marvin Jones Jr.
He had a meeting with all of his assistant coaches and essentially called them all losers to their face and made them defend their resume. Made them defend their resume.
That's usually what you do before you hire somebody is you ask them to tell tell tell me about your resume tell me about your resume but no he's doing this he didn't hire them did he uh yeah he did hire him and here's a fun fact for you pft maybe they lied on their resume maybe brian schottenheimer was like i've led the league in offense for seven years straight and urban meyer just was too trusting of a person yeah he didn't call and check the references. yeah he he just he just took it at face value so he made them defend their resume now obviously urban meyer is a great coach in college this is unfortunately not college this is the nfl urban meyer is what is he two and 13 two and 12 i don't even know anymore two and 12 he's won two games he's won two games two and 12 he's.
He's overcome the losers on his staff for two games. His staff has 24 coaches on it.
Urban Meyer has a better winning percentage in the NFL than one single coach on his staff. So if you're actually talking about resume in the NFL, every single guy pretty much has a better resume than him, including three guys who have Super Bowls as coaches in the NFL.
So Urban Meyer is saying, you guys are losers, when in actuality, he's the second to last biggest loser in that room. But that's only because the loser is turned on him.
Right. So I don't know if we can, we kind of have to throw Urban's record book out.
I still believe that Urban Meyer could be a great – it sounds like you're one of the losers that hates Urban Meyer. I'm not a loser.
Yes. I think that Urban Meyer is doing a fantastic job in Jacksonville.
He's just – you know what? He's the most persecuted man in the world. Wouldn't it be funny if he was right if all of his coaches were actively plotting against him? And Urban Meyer was just...
By the way, it's so sad to watch him on the sidelines.

No, I love it.

I love that the camera just sticks on him.

I'm actually looking up right now.

He has no friends in the world.

I wish they had a primetime game.

His wife hates him.

Well, yeah.

She had to quit Twitter because of him.

They should honestly flex him to primetime.

I would love...

Because the camera does do a great job of finding Urban Meyer during these games when he's just so depressed and he's just looking down, maybe has like a little brain hemorrhage going on. I don't know.
But he is – it's great. I just need the camera to stick on him.
After the game, he gave the limpest handshake uh dead eyes to mike vrabel just blew right by him there's a look away if patrick mahomes does that we all freak out it's beautiful it's fucking beautiful and then the the eyes that he had yeah he was he looks like he's already dead yeah i'd say he has a thousand yard stare but i know that he won't give the ball to his running back, James Robinson, nearly enough to even crack 800. No, absolutely not.
I mean, Trevor Lawrence has been ruined. The team looked like they had the rare case today where two receivers ran the same route and bumped in, like knocked into each other, which is always very funny to watch.
That's a well-coached team. After the game, he said, what's the answer? Starting leaking some information or nonsense? That's garbage.
If there is a source, then that source is unemployed. I mean, within seconds.
So Urban Meyer, very, very smart of him. He just fired himself.
Yeah, he's looking to fire somebody. He'll probably fire somebody just because he needs a scapegoat right now.
Yes. His first person that looks at him wrong, he'll be like, you're the leaker.
He also said after the game, losing sucks. It's all I can tell you.
It eats away at your soul. So, yeah.
I think winning also sucks for Urban. I think he just hates.
He doesn't like coaching football even when he's successful at it. Okay.
So, here's what I'm going to say to maybe help out Urban. There's two things.
One is they get to play the Texans and the Jets next. So maybe they get a win there.
I don't know. Two, I have a solution of what you need to look for.
So this is the three keys to examining or figuring out what is going on with a struggling team. Number one, trust issues.
Number two, dysfunctional environment. Number three, selfishness.
And this was told to me by three-time national champion Urban Meyer. Yeah, he knows.
So he knows. He knows.
He told you. He's knocked all these three down, so you can go find him and fix this goddamn thing, Urban Meyer.
No, he's actually just going to quit or get fired. I think he'll probably...
Well, this is where it gets funny. Do we fake a maybe health issue? COVID.
COVID. Yeah, he's going to get hanging out in those college bars.
It's tough to say that you want to be with your family when your whole family's grown. Maybe he's like, you know, he needs to have one of his kids have a kid.
Because then he can be like, I just want to be a grandpa. I don't want to miss graduation.
Some jobs are more important than coaching football. Because right now, I think all football is for him is an excuse for him to get out of his house.
Right. And yell at people.
And yell at people. Right.
Don he loves yelling at people for sure urban meyer i don't know i don't know what happens with his contract this is where all the the big money that's spent on coaches and coaches contracts in the nfl are pretty secret you don't really know the the buyouts or the the clauses that they have in them when you want to get rid of a coach so right now i think shod kad Khan is just waiting to say, surely Urban Meyer will resign at some point. Hopefully this man has some degree of shame.
But Urban Meyer, I don't think that he does. He doesn't quit jobs.
He has medically dubious reasons for leaving them. And the thing is, he usually has his next job lined up, which is when you can count on him.
So he just needs to be offered a job. Ryan Day to the Bears.
Urban Meyer goes home to Ohio State. Okay.
Why not? I could see it happening. Why not? Yeah, I think maybe he'll just leave.
He'll just leave the Jaguars and not say anything and just turn off his phone and turn off his TV and go to the lake house for three days and then pop back up, sit next to Brady Quinn and Bob Stoops on, on the, on the set. Just pretend like nothing.
Yeah. What's up guys.
How was your year? Cause right now everybody in that locker room, everybody in that facility hates him. He has no friends, zero friend.
And he's going to go into work. He's going to feel like he's in the bunker.
The allies are on the West. The Russians are on the East.
We need to bring back the Hitler getting mad at his subordinate speech.

Remember that when they used to dub that over?

It's hot for like a year straight.

It was really hot.

We need to have Urban Meyer yelling at all of his assistants down in the bunker, blaming them.

Yes.

Somebody do that for me.

I guarantee you numbers.

Memes if you're listening.

Yeah.

Memes will do it for us.

Memes got it.

Stat for you, for everyone out there who might like to gamble. This one shocked me.
I wish we had figured it out a lot earlier. Jaguars team totals are 12-1 this year.
That's pretty good. Under.
12-1. Okay.
12-1 to the under. That's insane.
I wish I had just given it out as a mortal lock every single week.

Jaguars team total under 12-1.

What was their win against the Texans?

Their win against the Texans, they scored. They lost 37-21 to the Texans.

They haven't played them again.

They haven't beaten the Texans.

Oh, that's right, yeah.

They've beaten the Dolphins 23-20.

I assume that's when it happened. And then they beat the Bills, which is all-time head-scratcher 9-6.
Maybe they got it in the Bengals game when they lost 24-21. That was actually a fun game, that Thursday night game.
Remember that? That was right before he went and fingered the butthole. But, yeah, Herbert Meyer and that whole team.
I feel bad for that team. They need to like, they should get a bonus.
Like we give out Super Bowl bonuses, be like, hey, here's a bonus for having to deal with Urban Meyer for a year. Yeah, there was also that report that Trevor Lawrence hates him too.
So Trevor Lawrence was like, why are you benching our best running back? Because Urban Meyer wants to give Carlos Hyde touches because they go way back. Carlos Hyde probably knows where all the bodies are buried at Ohio State.
Yes. So Urban's like, no, I had, remember I had to bring Tebow in because he's got too much dirt on me.
This is his new Tebow. I'm going to give Carlos Hyde some shine so that he keeps his mouth shut about the keep your mouth shut things that we've got discussed.
He's got to bring in Cardell Jones. Yeah.
That would be nice. DC defender legend.
Billy, I'm going to give you a shout out. So, we can't really judge rookie quarterbacks in theirell Jones.
Yeah, that would be nice. D.C.
Defender legend. Billy, I'm going to give you a shout out.

So we can't really judge

rookie quarterbacks in their first year, especially when your coach is Urban Meyer.

But as it stands right now, Trevor Lawrence

does not look good. He had four interceptions today.

And I think the worst part was I saw

the stat. He was seven for 19

for 79 yards and three interceptions when he had more than two and a half seconds to throw. So that's like when you're judging rookie quarterbacks, there's a lot of times it's like, hey, the game's moving too fast or their offensive line isn't good.
He had time to throw at times, and he still was really, really bad. He just missed things.
There was a couple interceptions that were just gross. So, Billy, you were the first ever that I heard to say that Trevor Lawrence is a bust because he can't handle losing because he's won all his life.
Credit to you. You know who's going to end up having a long career in the NFL? Maybe not as a starter, but maybe a backup or journeyman? Sam Ellinger.
Sam Ellinger. Yeah, I never would have guessed that when you did it that way.
So based

on your film breakdown, because I know you've done a lot of it

on Trevor Lawrence, what are you seeing from him?

I honestly couldn't see too much of him today

because I was at the Jet

game, but I'll break it down

for tomorrow. Okay, great.
Oh, that's

nice. Somebody printed out the front page of Google

who owns the Chicago Bears,

and the first thing up was Aaron Rodgers.

Then they brought that printout to a game.

Uh-huh.

And then they put that printout on TV.

Really, really funny.

Ha, ha, ha, ha.

I just really, really don't want Devontae Adams to score another touchdown.

That truly is the lowest form of comedy, when somebody edits Wikipedia now.

Uh-huh.

And then you do the screenshot of the...

It's that, and then making somebody seem like they're...

I'm not bitter. They're shorter than they really are.
I'm not bitter right now. It's those two things.
I'm not upset. This is just – it is what it is, okay? It is what it is.
The Bears suck, and that first half will just – I'll have that first half forever. That was a fun first half.
I enjoyed that first half. They should give you an option to just – So did Matt Nagy, which is cool.
They should give you an option to just say, Enough. That was enough football for me.
I've had my feeling. First half is all I need.
No more game. Like, the Bears, I would not have, no one would have held it against the Bears if they just didn't show up for the second half.
Quit while you're ahead. It's been like, that was fun.
We're done. We're done here.
We've played enough football um all right so that's uh the jaguars and the titans just urban meyer who would have thought who would have thought this would have gone poorly oh everyone literally every single person i hope it gets worse yeah i hope it continues i hope that urban actually gets into a fist fight where's tom cable when you need him to punch the coach in the face this is why urban like – he's like Michael Scott, honestly, like as a manager in the episodes where Michael's really fucking – like every week is Michael Scott's Urban Achievers. Yeah.
Or whatever that show is. Scott's Tots.
That's what he deals with on a week-to-week basis, just like a room filled of his players that absolutely hate his guts, and he's promised them everything, but it turns out he's just a jerk. He should have them do the thing that they did in the office where they roasted Michael Scott.
You know, like, he's in the news being like, everyone's a bunch of losers. Tell you what, guys, let's bury the hatchet.
Yeah. We'll do a little turnaround.
I can have some fun at my own expense. You guys all get 30 minutes to just roast me, and it'll be great.
It'll get very dark. Very personal.
Yes. Billy? The Jaguars situation just looked so good on paper.
Really? I don't know about that. You know, if you're just to explain to someone, like, oh, we have the best quarterback coming out of college.
Oh, that part. Yeah, yeah, that part.
If you explained it to someone who didn't actually know football, that's how that gets signed. Owner's got a yacht.
No, you're actually not wrong because a lot of the reason why the Jaguars look so bad right now is because of Urban Meyer. Yeah.
He has caused a lot of this. Exactly.
The majority of them. Bring Doug Marone back.
Yes. You never knew how good you had it.
Jaguars officially eliminated from the playoffs. Three teams today, Lions, Texans, Jaguars.
All right, next up, up falcons panthers cam newton's really really bad they uh they kept going back and forth it went like okay cam sucks we're gonna bench him pj walker you're coming in oh wait you're pj walker we're gonna bench you cam you're coming in again oh wait yeah that's the same cam from earlier this game i recognize you we're gonna bench you and bring p PJ back in again. I am starting to think that maybe Matt rules a little bit in over his head

because he did the sacrificial lamb,

fired his OC,

Joe Brady,

which we talked about last week.

Like,

what did you want Joe Brady to do?

You had Sam Darnold.

You had Cam Newton.

You had PJ Walker.

And you're like,

Hey,

like run your offense. Okay.
That wasn't going gonna work uh he then does the switching back and forth with the quarterbacks today which made no sense at first i was like oh it's because cam sucks but then they brought cam newton back in he sucked again then they brought pj walker then they brought like it made no sense he was basically running a college like offense where it's like yeah we'll do this change of pace quarterback, really fuck him up.

No, both those guys stink, and you have completely bungled this entire season.

Yeah, it was like Chris Leak and Tim Tebow, except both of your quarterbacks are Chris

Leak.

Right.

Right.

Which doesn't really work in the NFL.

And throw like Tim Tebow.

And throw like Tim Tebow.

Yeah.

The worst.

You had the immobility at this age of Chris Leak, and then the rocket arm of Tim Tebow. Yeah.
And that's what you tried to win with. Yeah, they look sad.
But that's kind of to be expected with the Panthers who have really built their entire offense for the last three years around Christian McCaffrey. Off really that one season and a half where Christian McCaffrey was probably one of the top five players in the entire NFL.
He's really good

when he's healthy, but then the problem is

he's Christian McCaffrey and you can set your watch

to him getting hurt. And so now what

do you do when you don't have Christian McCaffrey?

Well, you have Chuba Hubbard

who's fine. No, I mean

he hasn't been that fine. He's fine, but he's

not Christian McCaffrey. Right, right.

And yeah, Cam, since I looked

it up, since the game against the Washington football team when he ran the ball all the way to the middle of the field and did his whole thing he's 32 for 60 one touchdown three picks and been really really bad and he had the the extra bonus today where he fell as he was coming from under center to give a handoff and instead of just falling and taking the sack on second down, he threw the ball at his running back, who of course fumbled it, and was like, what are you doing, dude? What are you doing? He's so bad. In my head, it's just constantly, Cam Newton didn't get an offer from 31 teams, Matthew Berry.
I just keep thinking about that. It's actually remarkable, the job that Bill Belichick was able to do.
I actually now think this year is not as good. We're going to compliment Hank even when we're talking about how bad Cam Newton is.
Yes, yes. It actually demonstrates to you what a great job Bill Belichick did last year.
Did he win coach of the year last year? Nope. Wow.
That's disrespectful. It sure is.
Disrespectful. The Falcons.
I got to give the Falcons a ton of credit because they're way better than I thought they'd be, and they've found a way. I think we talked about it last week.
They won't beat any good teams, but they will beat the teams that are on their level or worse, and it's gotten to 6-7. And I don't know.
They got the Lions still in there. They'll probably get to seven, maybe eight wins because they got the Saints as well.

Yeah, Arthur Smith deserves a ton of credit because this team is not talented

and they have absolutely overachieved.

The level of beard that he had this week was perfect too.

Yep.

So when it gets too full and it's got all those –

God damn it.

Hank just got his touchdown.

Devontae Adams.

I hate him so much.

We knew that was going to happen.

I told you that you just jinxed him.

So now the Bears need to just score. Big Cat jinxed them live.
No, but the Bears need to score to then ruin his parlay. That's what we're looking for.
That's what I'm looking for. What? Your parlay is fucked up, Hank.
I tried to get you guys involved. I'm sorry.
That's all I can do. We had this problem last time.
You could have just not taken this parlay. You know that, right? Or just not sent it to me.
Yeah, I was never going to take a parlay. Can't wait.
It was literally. No, Hank.
Hank, I'm not being ridiculous. Sorry, I like money.
I'm sorry. My rules are not being ridiculous.
No. You sent me a parlay that was an insult parlay to the Bears.
But it was. I couldn't have been rooting for it.
Imagine if I was rooting for it and hadn't sent it again. We couldn't have that incident.
No, because I would have been like, all right, he bet the Packers. What the fuck? Who cares? He bet the Packers.
I'm just trying to... I knew you were going to bet the Packers.
I'm trying to go by the book. I knew you were going to bet the Packers.
The insult parlay hurt. Shout out to everyone I tweeted out to.
All right, come on, Bears. Please fucking cover.
I'm sorry. What do you want me to say? I'm sorry.
The fact that I'm now rooting for just the Bears to cover just to fuck Hank is like... This is all I have.
This is how bad it is. It was an extremely arrogant parlay.
It was completely based off listening to Big Cat for this whole season. It was mean.
So then if you were a good friend, you'd give me the money. Because I gave you the pick.
Big Cat's a shark. I gave you the pick.
I gave you the pick. I gave you that entire pick.
That was my doing. I would have matched, too.
Yeah. I gave you the pick.
You could have matched. I sent it to you beforehand.
I would have matched. I gave you the pick.
I would not do that to my friend Big Cat. Please, Bears, score.
Please. This would be so good.
They're just bad, man. They're just so bad.
And even the first half was like, ooh, they have some talent. No, no, no.
They suck. Get Matt Nagy out of here.
This has been war crime. It to war crime uh anyway the Falcons yeah good job but Arthur Smith perfect level of fuzz going right now he doesn't have the full beard which shows off the two-tone like black and white salt and pepper thing that he has going on which I can't really make rhyme or reason as to where the gray hair starts on his beard when it's grown in full so having the fuzz is a good look the clean shave is not a good look good look either.
Just keep it at this point. Whatever it's at right now, just buzz it.
Have your wife buzz it. I know you're listening right now, Arthur.
Have your wife buzz it. Keep it at this level.
This is a winning football beard that you have. Also, I know I have many signs that I'm getting old.
I embrace my old age and getting older. Watching these games today, I was, yeah, Usain, big time.
I was very, like half of the games, I couldn't see anything because of the shadows. That was another one.
Actually, on Saturday, I was at Army-Navy tailgate, and I asked the DJ if he could turn it down a little because I couldn't hear shit. There's some fucked up shadows that were going on in the early games today where it was just at midfield.
You couldn't see anything. The line going across the center of the field.
It was so hard to see. This was one of those games.
It was bad. It was bad.
Also, big news coming out of this game. Bird teams now 2-11 and 2-09 over cat teams.
Wow. So those two wins have come from the Falcons recently.
Huge. Something to keep an eye on through the end of the year.
That's huge. Huge.
All right, Saints-Jets. Billy, you were there.
It was very underwhelming. Yeah? I thought we were going to see Taysom and Zach Wilson either put up crazy numbers or throw a ton of interceptions.
Got neither. It was kind of like the Army football game, the Army-Navy game, except these guys were both throwing the ball a lot.
So it was nothing like the Army-Navy game. Yeah.
Like the same results but without the actual... Well, no, that game was like a very close game.
Yeah, like Navy won. Very close.
The underdog won very closely. The favorite won in a blowout.
But anyway, Mincy showed me that Saints fans are actually hilarious and awesome to go to a game with. That's just people from Louisiana.
I know. That's Brian Kelly's people, man.
Yelling who dat. It was a very great time.
Could totally see a little Mardi Gras kind of in the stadium. But it was a great time to use the Barstool Sportsbook live betting.
The game was getting not interesting, but you were in the stadium in New Jersey. Yep.
So you were able to play some next touchdown, Taysom Hill hit,

which was insane.

That's awesome.

And then I live bet the Jets plus 16, which was an absolute heartbreaker

at the end where you got stopped on the one, which would have cashed that.

But it was a great time.

Great outing in Meadowland.

Give me a scouting report on Zach live.

How did Zach Wilson look? You could actually see a lot of the reads he was missing better in real time, but they're there, and he's just got to progress. So the receivers are open, but he's too dumb to see them.
Yeah, when I'm seeing it. They're staring at each other right now as the Bears get a couple first downs.
This is a stare down. You know what, Hank? I hope the Bears don't score.
There you go. I did the right thing.
I did the right thing. I hope the Bears don't score.
Look, and what happens right after? A fucking offside. False start.
So there you go. I hope the Bears don't score.
I'm happy for you, Hank. Good job.
Wait, Billy. What's your conclusion then? He had all of his favorite weapons out.
I think the Jets still are going to be really pushing him next year. He didn't throw any interceptions.
Does he have a favorite weapon? No, but he's going to find one one day. This is a great analysis of the Jets.
It was like Army-Navy, but not. Saints fans cool, all his weapons out, but he didn't have any weapons anyway.
Exactly. That's a good – you had a good time though.
Yeah, it was hard. I made the most of it.
Almost threw a pick, Justin Fields. Turns out Alvin Kamara is really fucking good.
Really, really important. Really, really important.
He had – he was insane today. He had 94 of the Saints' first 129 yards in the first half.

It was one of those.

I actually would.

Would you say non-QB, offensive player,

he might be the most important to what a team does?

Derek Henry.

I'd say Michael Thomas when he gets back for the Saints.

But Alvin Kamara does more than Michael Thomas.

Yeah, Michael Thomas.

Captain Slant is probably. Does he play football or did he retire? I don does more than Michael Thomas.
Yeah, Michael Thomas, Captain Slant, is probably...

Does he play football or did he retire?

I don't know where he is. Yeah, you're right.

But it's funny how running backs

don't matter, but then the really, really

good ones are like, oh yeah, that guy

changes everything. Yeah, it's like Kamara and McCaffrey

are two of those guys. They kind of play

the exact same way today. Right, where they do everything.

Yeah, and when Kamara's on the field, yeah,

he's definitely the most important player to that Saints offense. The defense looked good today, too.
Saints defense is back in action. Yeah, and it's too little too late.
Justin Fields just running for his life, running for his life, running for a first down. What a play.
That's a really good quarterback who can run. This offense looks like they're on a roll here.
Yeah, they're on a roll. All right, yeah, so the Saints, probably too little too late.
I didn't realize the Saints had lost five in a row. That was kind of shocking when it dawned on me because they're in close games.
That's what happens when you lose Jameis Winston. They might be the worst, best...
Oh, how did that? They're the best, worst team. I think they might be the worst good team.
Oh, okay. Yeah, I think they're the worst...
Yeah, I mean, we're playing right on the ledge here. On the edge here.
Which way you can go? I'd say the Falcons are... Oh, David Montgomery just caught a ball that should have been

intercepted 100 out of 100

times. Well, no, not 100

out of 100. 99 out of 100.
99 and a half.

Because he caught that. I think the Falcons

are... The Falcons are

the best worst team, but the Saints are the

worst best team. Yes.
That's the

difference. Yes.
I would favor the Saints

over the Falcons. Yes, I'd agree with you.
I'd agree

with you. Saints still in playoff contention.
They are. Every team is in playoff contention they are every team yeah is in play every team except for the jets yeah the jets the lines and the texans are all oh no the jets are not eliminated no they are they are okay sorry and the jags too yeah don't have to jags texans line converting to mormonism for another year that's right yeah yeah that's right i'm kind of upset about that Mathematically eliminated from Mormonism for now.
How are you feeling, Hank?

I... another year.
That's right. Yeah, that's right.
I'm kind of upset about that. Mathematically eliminated from Mormonism for now.
How are you feeling, Hank? I feel like the Bears are going to score. Oh, and Justin Fields got hurt.
Fuck. You got to be kidding me.
Oh, he's doing push-ups right in everyone's face. He's fine.
That was awesome. He was like, that was the meme of like, someone call the ambulance, but not for me.

Schefter just kind of got you.

He said, with Sunday night's performance, Aaron Rodgers now has acquired an even greater share of the Chicago Bears per sources.

Wow.

Adam Schefter is hilarious.

That's very funny, Adam.

That was funny.

Adam.

You said you fucking hard.

It's the Adam Schefter deaf comedy jam.

Yeah.

I can't believe he said that. Is he allowed to say that? It is funny, Jake.
Okay, fine. He's just a rookie, big cat.
This just sucks. This all sucks.
All right. Let's take a break for another ad, and then we'll come back because there's about to be a two minute warning I'm just sad you know what it sounds like you need to take a moment to chill yeah you know what I do PFT you should take a moment to chill we all could use a moment to chill actually all our teams suck except for Hank and there's only one beer out there that's made for those moments of chill.
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Big time blue mountains on the cans this time of year.

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Coors Brewing Company, Golden, Colorado. Next up, Seahawks-Texans.
This is a weird game because we were like, oh, the Texans are keeping it close, and then the final score was 33-13. Yeah, the only thing I really have to say about this game is the sad Houston Texans content of the week that I got out of it.
I know last week we saw if these teams had the Texans defense, they might be better, and there was a a list of five teams and four out of the five were just lies uh this week's sad houston texans content is saying if davis mills plays really well down the stretch then maybe the texans won't have to use their first round pick on a quarterback and here are the defensive ends that we could then target oh well that's what you're hoping for now i don't't know if you're watching the same Davis Mills that we're watching. Wait, wait, PFT.
Oh, third and eight. This is a big one.
Hank is freaking out. Justin Fields just pump faked everyone.
He outfaked the cameraman. Oh, and Alan Robinson dropped the ball.
Davis Mills broke a record today for the Texans. Longest neck.
14 straight completions. Oh, there you go.
And he did it to start the game.

He actually was pretty good today.

That is a funny article

because it's Davis Mills, but

he played well today, and he actually

took a step forward. So I don't know what

like, it's sad,

but it's also kind of true.

They're taking a field goal. There you go, Link.

You motherfucker. I fucking

hate you. You piece of shit.
To go down? They're going to be 30 to 15. Okay.
That makes sense. Gotta kick a field goal.
Makes sense. You piece of shit.
Fuckface. I'm happy you won.
I feel like the straight completions stat. Hank wins everything.
The straight completions stat is one that's always the worst quarterbacks that continue to break it. Yeah.
I feel like I see that get broken like five times a season. Maybe it's franchise stats, but sometimes it's like, oh, this person is now threatening the NFL consecutive completion stat.
It's always quarterbacks that are at best mediocre. Whoa, whoa.
You're sounding to me like you're not part of Mills Mafia anymore. Well, I don't know.
I don't know if I am or not. 14 in a row is pretty fucking good, and it was, so it was a Texans record.
I think it was a rookie record or at least, like, the most in, like, 30 years. Fuck it, man.
Davis Mills, let's go. Mills Mafia.
Alright. Get back on board.
So, are you thinking that Davis Mills is going to turn it on down the stretch, and then the Bills actually won't have, or the Texans actually won't have to draft a quarterback? Yes. I can't believe you just kicked a field goal.
Now Hank's tweeting, oh, all my fucking Hank dogs. Let's go.
The Hawkers. Oh, let's go, guys.
I got this. You're my guys.
Don't worry about anyone who followed me and bet on the Lions' money line. They got blasted into oblivion.
The Ravens to win.

Also a fun stat from this game.

Kymie Fairbairn hit a 61-yard field goal.

That set a franchise record.

Oh, no!

Yes!

Yes!

Yes!

Yes!

Yes!

The Bears should get over!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

That was the greatest thing ever!

I'm so sorry, Hank.

Did you already send the tweet?

I think I did.

Oh!

Now it's probably going to get called back for some bullshit rule.

Are they going to give us a touchdown or no?

Are they going to give us a touchdown or no?

What is this rule?

What is this rule? What is this rule?

Oh, they can't advance?

I thought you could advance.

Well, Hank, you're still going to cover.

But you mushed yourself.

You should be able to advance.

Why can't you advance that?

That's a bad rule.

So for people who are listening right now who maybe have turned off the game,

the Bears just kicked the field goal down. What was it? They were down 17? No, 18.
And then they kicked an onside kick, recovered it for a touchdown. What's the rule here? Bad rule, NFL.
Can you find it for us, Jake? What was the rule? So now the cover is back on. Just like that, out of nowhere.
This is actually the second time today.

Wait, no.

You had an onside kick go your way earlier, didn't you?

That was Baltimore.

Yeah.

And Justin Fields delivers a dime.

Kick another field goal.

Siciliano tweeted, you can't advance an onside kick or a muffed punt.

Oh, that's fucking lame.

I feel like you're in banking.

You could have sworn you could have used to unless

they changed it. It's a bad rule.
You should be allowed

to advance an onside kick.

I know that's happened to me

against me in college football. College football

you definitely can.

That's lame. Hank, did you send

the tweet?

Nick Merckx basically

tried to mush me. I tweeted

the eyeballs to my original tweet before

the game with the parlay and he tweeted

bang. I waited till they got

the Nick Merckx basically tried to mush me. I tweeted the eyeballs to my original tweet before the game with the parlay, and he tweeted, bang.
I waited until they got the ball back and said, huge W, just as a reply to him. And then I quote tweeted myself and said, I want to die.
Wait, so you mushed yourself, though, by tweeting the eyeballs at yourself. Well, you're probably going to still get it.
That was just eyeballs. What do the eyeballs mean? You also got, you at this.
No, the eyeballs were you saying dub. No.
You were whispering dub. No, it just says look.
Look. Look at this.
That's what the eyeballs mean. Sounds like you mushed yourself.
I did mush myself. You just got so lucky, though.
Not being able to advance an onside kick is lame. Insane.
That's so stupid. Very lame.
I agree it's very lame. That's a lame rule.
Thank you, Hank. We agree.
The only purpose for that rule is it makes the game less fun. Yeah, what the fuck are we doing here? You've got to be able to advance that.
At least we're getting your live reactions to the punt and the... Yeah, the Bears still losing.
It's just whether they'll lose by 15 or 8, which matters. Which matters.
My heart is in my stomach right now. Okay, I have a quick update for anyone who's out there.
Pete Carroll, he's got analytics that we didn't even know existed. You ready for this? Mm-hmm.
Pete Carroll, he was asked, I think, earlier this week. Pete Carroll was asked, and he said, when you have rushing attempts and completions at – all right, he's bailing, and Montgomery out of bounds.
when you have rushing attempts and completions at all right he's bailing and montgomery out of bounds uh when you have rushing attempts and completions add up to 50 or more you win the game the percentage of winning is close to 90 okay so when you run a lot of plays well no because you got to get completions completions it. I like this.
Someone did – this is like those stats that they put up in the middle of a baseball game. Like, this guy is hitting 750 with runners on base on Wednesdays in August.
So the completions plus rushing attempts, he's just saying like when your offense is good, you tend to win football games. Yes.
Which is true. He said when you get that kind of combination done, you almost always win.
Yeah. Yeah.
It's like when Urban Meyer was like my analytics tell me that if you can rush for 250 yards and pass for 250 yards, you're going to win football games. Yeah.
No shit. He said it's not even about the yards you gain.
It's about that you take the effort to run the ball that much and make them defend it. Then everything else gets a benefit from that, which I agree with a little bit in that, but it's just hilarious that Pete Carroll was like, find me a stat where you add a bunch of shit up, and then you win a bunch of games, and I'm just going to use that for everything.
Hank? Oh. Third and 13, incompletion to Allen Robinson.
Hank's going to cover. It could also be.
He's going to cover. Good things happen to Hank.
He gets good things happening in his life. It could also be like maybe Pete Carroll, if you're looking at these games, you have a bunch of sick completions in the first half, and then you just run the football because you have a big lead in the second half.
Right, right. But Pete Carroll, that's digging a little bit too deep for him.
Yeah. Yeah.
He likes surface level analytics. He just likes simple math.
I imagine Pete Carroll in the third quarter is like, all right, Russ has 15 completions. We've run it 20 times.
All right, well, we need 15 more run plays, and we'll win this game. Yeah, I get it.
As they're down 25. It's like when you look at the nutrition information on a box of chips, and it's like you just look at the one that says per serving.
You don't look at how much is contained in the entire thing. And you're like, oh, this is – oh, shit.
And it was on his hands. hands hank congrats everything good happens to you in life thank you big cat i'm sorry the bears lost no you're not damn no you're not i will no you're not you're actually not you're the exact opposite no you're the exact opposite of sorry if if if i could have picked either the bears win or the is a lie everyone should know right now the bears win this is a lie what hank just said is a lie.
I'm a right now. I would say the Bears win.
This is a lie. What Hank just said is a lie.

I'm a nice guy.

You've been a grumpy person all day.

Hard to be around.

That's what people were saying. A nice guy.
I heard that. I'm friendly.

Jay Glazer's going to report that Hank was hard to be around.

I'm loving. You know what?

It must suck for Hank to have to deal with all of us losers

in this room all the time. Yeah.

Biggest losers. It's tough.
Hank just wins. Hank, all the guy does is win.
Charity's big this time of year. How much money did you just win? Yeah, what are you going to donate? I'm down to donate to a charity.
Tweet me a good charity. Jimmy Fun, always donate to the Jimmy Fun.
But if there's a charity that you guys think is worthy, maybe a Green Bay charity, I could be down. And you can't write it off on your taxes.
Hank doesn't do taxes, so it's not an issue. That's not a problem.
That's such bullshit. You can't fucking advance it.
I agree. If you agree, then you'll give all the money away.
You give it back to the sportsbook. If you agree.
You know what, Big Cat? I will give it back to the sportsbook. Fine.
Okay. Deal.
All right. Deal.
Monday Night Football. I also don't like the fact that you bet favorites now just when it's against me.
Who is this guy? Listen, I'm sorry. I don't know.
You get that Steelers one on Thursday night, too. I'm not mad.
I'm mad at the Bears. If you can't tell, I'm mad at the Bears.
And also, you just, like, win all the time and all you do is be grumpy. You'd think a guy wins that much wouldn't be so grumpy.
I'm offended that you think I'm grumpy. And I'm going to be so fucking positive in your face for the rest of the month.
I don't believe it. No, that's not true.
I don't believe it. You get disgusted.
Hank gets disgusted being around losers. Yeah, that's exactly right.
He hates us because we lose.

All right.

Broncos, Lions.

Hank, you had the Lions.

I did have the Lions.

Moneyline. You thought they were going

on a little winning streak.

I did have the Lions.

Which, of course, you had them

because the Broncos

were my mortal lock.

Fade big cat.

No, I just actually care

about our friends on this show.

To be fair to Hank,

you have like 17 bets

that you just call

different names.

No, this is the mortal lock on advisors. It's's only one every week.
It's the only one. Hank listens to you.
He edits the show. Great job.
I do love advisors and I love you, Big Cat. And I'm happy that your pick won and mine lost.
So the Lions are 1-11-1, which now is a palindrome, Jake. You should be able to return an onside kick.
That's bullshit. That is bullshit.
I agree. That is bullshit.
I want to find the law that says that and fight whoever. That's bullshit.
Yeah, one's across the board for the Lions. Yep.
Exciting. That's very exciting.
Would you like to apologize for the palindrome error last week? Yeah, I did last week, but now we're correct.

Now we're correct.

You were just early.

You, as first reported by Jake Marsh, the Detroit Lions have a palindrome. To the crazy people who listen a week later, they're listening.

Yeah, any pervert that's listening to last Monday's show right now,

you're hearing Jake be correct.

The Lions, yeah, they're back to being the Lions again.

It was a bit ambitious to think that they could win two games in a row, but you know what? I wanted to believe in them. I wanted to believe in Jared Goff.
Altitude got to them this week. Altitude, also they had a nice tribute to Demarius Thomas.
They did ten players on the field to start the game. They've officially been eliminated, the Lions.
The Broncos. I don't know what to make of the Broncos.

I feel like the Broncos.

They're inching towards the like.

Do you want to play them?

Because they do have that recipe of they run the ball really well.

Sometimes.

And then they play good defense sometimes.

You know what?

They are.

I put them as the Falcons of the AFC in terms of they're the best bad team.

Yeah.

In the AFC.

Yes.

They could beat. They could beat any bad team.
Yes. Yeah.
They'll probably lose to most of the AFC in terms of they're the best bad team in the AFC. Yes.
They could beat any bad team.

Yes.

Yeah.

They'll probably lose to most of the good ones.

Yeah.

That's pretty much all I had from this game was kind of a –

I mean, it just happened.

It was boring.

It happened.

Vic Fangio has figured out –

we all know that Vic Fangio sucks at his challenges,

but he's realized that he can just say,

fuck it, throw a bad challenge flag when he's hoping that the result of the play will look different because he just wants he doesn't like what they call on the field so he throws the flag being like I don't like this play I hope they'll overturn just because I'm hoping not because of anything that I've seen he's realized that he actually that's a it's a timeout so if you're going to take a timeout anyways have it be a really long timeout where they're reviewing the play. You can think about everything.
Yeah, think about everything for a while. So he just kind of leaned into that like, yeah, I suck at challenges.
I'm not going to do anything to change being bad at challenges, but I'm going to embrace the timeouts that I get out of challenges. Yeah.
I saw somebody on Twitter. I forget who it was, so sorry if I'm not crediting you.
Genius. They referred to it as the Fangio super timeout.
I like that. The super timeout.
He's invented a new timeout. Yep.
Yeah, this game happened. I don't have anything else.
Nope. I just can't.
I'm very happy for you, Hank. What were the odds on that, Hank? I'm happy that Matt Nagy was having fun, too.
That's something you don't really hear. I take back me saying I'm happy'm happy for you.
Talk about it was plus 1,300. I don't think we said what the official bet was.
It was Aaron Rodgers over 255.5 passing yards. Player to score at least two touchdowns, Devontae Adams.
Over 27.5 total points by Packers. And Packers minus 13.5.
And that bet came from my brain. Plus 1,300.
And that bet came from my brain. Yep.
It did. They just showed a fun stat on the screen.
Not to rub salt in your wounds, Big Cat, but the fun stat. It doesn't matter.
They suck. That they just showed on the screen was Aaron Rodgers now has seven games with four touchdowns against the Bears.
That's the most of any quarterback against any single team ever. They suck.
They suck. Just a fun stat.
People wanted us to do this so they could hear me be tortured, and I'm tortured. I was tortured by the Packers.
I was tortured by Hank, who time and time again reminds me that he's not in my corner ever. He's a rider, though.
I'm the mad catter. I'm the mad catter.
But it just sucks. It sucks.
Everything sucks. Football, let's just finish this season.
I just want like go to the playoffs i don't have to you know it's nice to not have to partake in the playoffs hank's watch other teams hank's getting a little ratty with it himself that's why i loved all the rats this week i think you see a little bit of yourself he's he's just a rat you safford it's fine yeah i i you know it. It's fine.
I'm just sad. I'm sad.
I'm lashing out a little bit, but also not really because Hank was grumpy all day and then showed up and just won a bet right in my face. My team sucks, but I'm sad.
But you did get your full dinner. All right.
That was great. For people who are confused because we didn't really explain it, we're at Chili's Ghost Kitchen, and it took forever.
We got ghosted by the ghost kitchen. Hank was threatening Jake physically if the food didn't show up because he was so hangry.
And then the food showed up, and they missed, like, half of the order. Should we read the text messages? Half of the order was not there, so, like, everyone had half of a meal and had to split but all of Hank's order was there it wasn't threatening I just said if I die from hunger tell my mom I love her that was me being just honest alright let's keep moving Chargers Giants Chargers Giants another game that happened although Justin Herbert's TD throw was fucking awesome I think he went 67 yards in the air he put his whole body into into it.
It was a sick... I think he was getting hit, too, as he threw it.
This was a big-time get-right game for Justin Herbert. Sad to see our man...
Do you think Glennon's neck is longer than Davis Mills? I think Glennon's neck has grown. Yeah, I do, too, because Mills was hot in the street, but he's got some girth on his neck.
Yes. Glennon's is just like...
It looks like he just stretched out one of those polyo-ed string cheeks. Has it gotten longer, Billy? You just can't tell where his neck yes glennon's is just like it looks like he just stretched out

one of those polyo string has it gotten longer billy you just can't tell where his neck ends and his head begins dude his help i think his helmet got smaller and his neck got longer i there was a moment where i was like whoa he's a beautiful specimen though in his own way that's one way to say he's a one-of-a-kind guy yeah it's like you go to the zoo and you see a giraffe. You're like, that's crazy.
Yeah, they broke the mold when they made Glennon. Yeah, the postgame, Joe Judge said, I'm encouraged with the way the team fought.
I mean, what is that? Well, Joe Judge also kind of gave up. I think he punted on like fourth and inches around halftime from midfield.
Yeah. And then he tried a fake punt deep in their own territory.
I think they said they're bringing him back. Joe Judge? I'm pretty sure.
Okay. So I think he's now.
I'm okay with that. Fuck it.
I like having old school football guys around. Sure.
I like the whole Joe Judge take a lap thing. Damn.
The Giants are just. They're bad.
They're pretty bad right now. It's sad to watch.
But Daniel Dimes, when Daniel Dimes gets back. You've got to be worried because the Giants bringing back Daniel Jones playing in the Meadowlands against the Washington football team is absolutely a game they'll win.
They live to win those type of games, especially against the football team. They'll win one more game, and just be sure of that because that's just what the Giants do.
They're a bad team that can play a good game here and there, muck it up, and cover a spread. Yeah, this was a good game for the Chargers to kind of get a little bit of confidence before going to Thursday night.
They feel good about themselves. So I think that translates into a lot of points.
Because I was starting to get a little bit worried about the Chargers. You had me doubting my Chargers a little bit.

I still do doubt them.

But the Chargers...

The Giants are bad.

The Chargers had me doubting my Chargers based on how they played.

Thursday night will be a big test.

If the Chargers play well on Thursday night and beat the Chiefs,

I will hand up, say I was very wrong,

and this team can absolutely contend in the AFC.

I think they're probably not going to, but who knows?

I've been wrong pretty much every which way about them.

Hank's just counting his money right now.

I'm going to move on.

I'm going to move on.

I'm going to be the bigger man.

I'm going to move on.

Smile on my face.

People won't see the smile.

They'll see me angry, and that's fine.

I'll own it.

I'm smiling because I'm a happy, positive guy from here on out.

Okay. So that was that game.
Again, there were so many bad games and blowouts today. The Justin Herbert throw was incredible.
And, yeah, that was – Austin Eckler's still good. Yep.
The Giants ran the ball a little bit, so there's that. Yeah, Barkley got a couple carries.
He looked – This is like we're just trying to find nice things to say about bad teams at this point of the season. Barkley didn't do any of his mid-air spin moves in this game, so he looked like he was playing football today.
Yeah. So that's good to see.
What do you say, Billy? Jake Fromm got in. Oh, he did? Yeah, in the fourth.
And? Handed off. Yeah.
Oh. Yeah.
All right, well, let's get to two games that the last two games that actually were both good and both have implications. The 49ers-Bengals was a game that was a snoozer for a while and then was a thriller in the end.
George Kittle has to lead the league in like how the fuck did he catch that plays because he catches everything and anything and it's like up the seam with five guys on him or a leaping catch. He made that leaping catch at the end of the game that kept the drive alive to have Robbie Gold miss the field goal.
George Kittle is so fucking good. He's so good.
Yeah, he's probably the first person I would look at in the NFL for who could seamlessly make the transition from being a football player to also being WWE heavyweight champion of the world. Yes.
And it would be Kittle easily just based on the way that he plays. Gold missing that field goal was big, but I did like that we had two overtimes going at once.
At the same time. At the end, and Tails hit on both of them.
Yep. Because it was back-to-back dubs for Tails in that one.
I thought, for a second, I thought the Bengals were going to come back and win. Yeah.
And then I was like, wait, the Bengals woke up. They're good again.
They're a very confusing team. I think they're my most confusing team.
Here's what I would say about the Bengals and the positive outlook of this entire season is Joe Burrow, and it's cliche and stupid, and obviously it has nothing to do with football numbers, but when you talk about Moxie, Joe Burrow being down 14 points with 10 minutes left and bringing the team back, including an 87-yard drive with 240 left, that's Joe Burrow. Joe Burrow, going forward in the future, he's your franchise quarterback, and he's also – he has that ability, that it ability,

where you feel like you're never out of a game.

And there's not – like there's only a handful of quarterbacks

that can give you that feeling.

He is one of those guys.

He's got moxie, and he's got poise.

And he's got fearlessness.

And he's got – he's that dude.

He's that dude.

Yeah, he's that dude's – he's also that dude's best friend. He's got swagger, too.
Swagger, poise, grit. Moxie.
Moxie. What else? Unafraidness.
That doesn't really fly off. What would it be? Fearlessness.
Intangibles. Intangibles.
He leads the league in intangibles. Intangibles.
And the 49ers have saved their season. Yeah, so the 49ers, Jimmy G looked awesome in the first half.
We got good Jimmy G, and then things kind of swung a little bit when he, there was like a play that just snapped, where he just, I don't know if it's a Freaky Friday situation, he realized, hey, I'm Jimmy G, I'm doing the thing where I play a good game, this feels weird. Gotta start throwing interceptions.
He just dropped back, and he just dropped the ball. Just like straight down from two hands.
Right. And I didn't know what was going on.
And you could see a little bit of his confidence got thrown off. But I think he's starting to realize the one thing that he can always do whenever he loses that confidence would take a point and start out on a date.
That's number one. Yep.
Two, just throw the ball to Kittle and watch Kittle run with the ball. Then your offensive line gets amped up, and they start chest bumping each other.
Then they'll block better for you. Then you have all time.
Really, that changes your offense when Kittle has one of those runs. Yes, absolutely.
And yeah, Kittle was everything for them. But the 49ers, I think we dubbed them the team no one wants to play? No, they're my don't look now team.
Don't look now. Don't look now team.

They're in the playoffs if they started today, comfortably in the sixth seed.

I just hope they make it because I want to see George Kittle in the playoffs.

I want to see Debo Samuel in the playoffs.

49ers, when they have it rolling, are a very fun team to watch. I also love it when they say on ESPN or Fox,

they say this team will out-physical you. That's such a good football team to watch i also love it when they say on like espn or fox when they say this team will out physical you yeah that's such a good football term to use it's they're the only team i think that can out that has ever been able to out physical anyone it doesn't make any sense but i get it when you talk about the 49ers that yes it's crazy that we only have four weeks left you know what um actually this doesn't really make any sense but the thought occurred to my dumb brain when I was watching this game that I get pissed off that T.
Higgins isn't smaller. A name like T.
Higgins, he should be 5'7". He should be a little speedster, you're right.
160 pounds, and he's like 6'4 and 220. It doesn't make sense.
He's the size of a tight end. He should be a scat back.
Yes, he should have. He's like a Darren Sproles, change of pace guy, catching the ball out of the backfield.
You're right. But, yeah, this was a great game.
This was a game that looked terrible and then ended up having, I don't know, walk-off touchdowns. We had two of them back-to-back.
Are always fun. And so let's go to the last one.
Bucs-Bills. The Bucs were cruising, killing the Bills.
The Bills tried the strategy of just never handing the ball off. They didn't have a single handoff to their running back in the first half.
First time since 1991, which is crazy that it happened in 1991. Yeah.
It's weird what they did in the first half. It was almost like the Bills got PTSD from watching the Patriots run the ball so much last week that they're like, we're not going to put our defense through that in practice this week and even put in a game plan that involves running the ball for our offense for them to even look at.
I don't know what the idea was. They had some design runs with Josh Allen.
A lot of them. But their first handoff was on a fake punt.
It was crazy. It was really, really strange.
I don't want your life. To Bill Belichick.
Yeah. They're just like, I don't want this.
Playing football at West Kane High School may have been the opportunity of your life, but I don't want your life. That's a great line, isn't it? It is.
It's a great line. I feel like this Bills team, they're not built for the city of Buffalo in a weird way.
Well, yeah, because they can't run the ball. They don't run, they don't even attempt to run the ball.
I know. They don't have a running game to speak of.
They're, you know what it is? They built this team just to win the Super Bowl in Los Angeles this year. They're like, if we can just, as long as we get to the Super Bowl, we can win that game.
our off. And I actually think in a weird way, they're right.

Yeah.

I think if the Bills make it to the Super Bowl, I think they win the Super Bowl this year.

Because this is one of those games where if the game had ended the way it was going,

I would have said, put a fork in the Bills.

Like, they're done.

They had no fight.

It's over.

The Bucs killed them, which they were in the first half.

But Josh Allen did everything. He ran for 300 or passed for 300 ran for 100 he like wheeled them back into this game and if something goes if a break goes differently even at the end of the game they were like they were what on the six yard line when they had to kick that field goal like half of his foot went out of bounds yeah he was trying to run the ball in.
It's like a totally different story coming out of this game where the Bills are back and they circled the wagons. But I still think a little of that, and there's no moral victories, but a little of that stands true that they found something and they fought.
So I'm now back to believing in the Bills even though they lost. Is that weird to say? No, no.
They look so bad the first half, and the fact they were even able to come back, yeah, I get it. It feels like they have something that they can build on for next week.
It's way better that that happened than the other way around. Right.
Than if they had gotten out to a big lead in the first half and then got crapped on by Tom Brady all throughout the set. That would destroy your confidence.
And by the way, the start of this game had a moment where it was like the Aaron Rodgers discount double check in the first quarter. Ed Oliver did the step over on Tom Brady in the first quarter when the Bills were on defense.
I think he got sacked, and Ed Oliver just walked over him. Brady got up and started punching the air and tried to fight Ed Oliver.
And from that point on, Brady was locked in. And it's like, yeah, you you don't tug on superman's cape you don't teabag tom brady in the first quarter yeah yeah why why would you try to get him stirred up at that point because he was doing quarterback sneaks he was running with the spikes up yep sliding high cleats up into people again going after everyone yeah um yeah the bucks and i the bucks like letting the bills back in was very very weird because they did they did have cruise control.
They didn't run the ball. They were kind of passing, kind of fucking around.
It felt like, oh, yeah, we're just going to win this game easily, and then Josh Allen makes a couple Josh Allen plays, and boom, the Bills are back in it. Leonard Fournette is awesome right now.
Last three games, he's had 355 total yards, six touchdowns. We always talk about the quarterbacks and being in the right fit and Trevor Lawrence in Jacksonville right now or Zach Wilson with the Jets.
It's funny because we never really discuss it with the other players that Leonard Fournette was basically cast off as a total bust in Jacksonville. He gets on a winning team that, you know, uses him correctly.
And whoa, he's fucking awesome. Is that it? Yeah.
Is that a case of like finding the right fit or just finding not the wrong fit? Yeah, I don't know. Just not being in Jacksonville anymore.
You know what? It's always about the quarterbacks. And then you have a guy like that who's like, everyone said he was a bust it didn't end well in jacksonville and you know people didn't they were not happy that they drafted him so high in jacksonville but now he's a really really important part of a defending super bowl champion team i also thought i had the thought in the first half and i guess it probably still stands it wouldn't it be funny after this entire year that has chaos

and no one's good, it's just going to be Bucs-Chiefs again?

Probably.

It could very well be Bucs-Chiefs again.

And this was the game that we were watching,

and I was getting very mad at Hank as we were watching it

because Hank was pointing out.

I love him, so I don't.

PFT, just so you know, that's wrong.

Big Cat, we're going to get on a journey.

We're going to take a journey with my hatred of Hank as I was watching this game. And actually, it taught me a lesson about myself because Hank was, he sees things that I don't see sometimes when watching these games.
He hears Tony Romo say innocuous things like, that looks like a catch to me when the Bills are on offense. And Hank's like, this fuckhead Tony Romo hates Tom Brady.
And'm like Hank is paranoid as shit or like uh that's a great catch by Mike Evans in the end so Hank's like that was a great pass by Tom Brady on that play and I'm like wait wait does does Tony Romo actually hate Tom Brady and then Hank explains his logic and he's like well wouldn't you also hate Tom Brady because you'd you know Tom Brady been in the league I think for 10 years. That might have been an exaggeration.
But he was in the league well before Tony Romo got in. Tony Romo retires.
Tom Brady's still winning Super Bowls after Romo's on TV for the last four seasons. And he hates, maybe it's like secret hatred.
Maybe he doesn't even realize that he hates Tom Brady. But it comes across in his broadcasting.
Yeah, it's not hatred. It's just like he doesn't.
Yeah, he's not going to gas him up either. He's not going to sound like he likes him.
Yeah, but it. He's just going through the motions with Tom.
So after listening to Hank and his appreciation. He's begrudgingly announced.
And Hank rooting for Tom Brady as an extension of the Patriots, who just destroyed the Bill's heart and soul last week. And rooting for a continuation of the Patriots manifesting itself in Tom Brady, continuing to destroy them this week.
I just realized that Hank's right about everything. He's right.
And the hatred that I have towards Hank when it comes to football is just me being jealous. I have a little bit of Tony Romo-itis myself, and I'm jealous of Hank and everything that he touches turn into gold in football, whether it's the Patriots or Tom Brady.
Or his bats. Or his bats.
I had a nightmare as I was watching this game, which is that Bill Belichick goes to the Rams or something after he leaves New England, wins three more Super Bowls, and then Hank also has another satellite team that he gets to root for. Well, I was born in L.A.
Yeah. So you would have your Patriots still dominating people probably.
You would have Tom Brady still dominating that entire corner of the globe, and then you'd also have the Rams. I hope it doesn't happen because Hank is just successful at rooting football teams.
He's an incredible guy. Thank you, guys.
You guys are incredible too. I love the Rams.
I hope it doesn't happen because Hank is just successful at rooting for football teams. He's an incredible guy.
Thank you, guys. You guys are incredible, too.
I love the guy. It makes me sick.
Even though my pain is his gold, it's fine. I love him.
It's disgusting how right Hank has been. He's a smart guy.
His bets are smart. He's the best reader here.
Good. He's just everything.
Great ass. Damn.
Thanks, guys. Happy holidays.
Anything else you want to say about this game, Hank? No, it was a good comeback by the Bills. They showed a little bit of heart.
I said it before the game. This is either going to be a Bills show heart fight comeback for the rest of the season, or they're going to lay down and die.
At first, it seemed like they were laying down and dying.

They did show some heart.

There is still some hope if you're a Buffalo Bills fan.

Not.

There is some hope.

At one point, it was like the season's over.

There's no hope.

They just got to get to the Super Bowl.

But at the end of that game, there's some hope.

Not a lot.

Survive in advance.

Are you – what will you actually –

how painful will it be if it's Bucs-Patriots? Or are you... It'll be horrible.
Yeah. Horrible.
Yeah. You know what? I think as the biggest supporters of Hank that there are Big Cat, we should root for his two favorite teams, the Bucs and the Pats.
Are you... Is it in your mind at all? Yes.
Oh, yeah. I think about it constantly.
It would be so bad. And we're on a collision course.
Yeah. Yeah.
It's almost – It's destined to happen. I would say, like, if you could bet on a combination of one of those three teams making it, there's a good chance.
This is how you're going to be able to tell once and for all if the NFL is rigged. Because the Chiefs are really, really good, and they obviously have a lot of ill will towards the Patriots.
Mac Jones is a rookie, so it wouldn't blow my mind if the Chiefs beat the Patriots in the playoffs, but I don't think any other team is. Yeah, like if the Patriots have to go to Kansas City, Mac Jones going to Kansas City in like middle of January, it does feel like that's a tall, tall mountain to climb.
Right. This is how you're going to be able to tell if the NFL actually has the product rigged.
If there's actually a room that Roger Goodell convenes his owners in, his evil lair, his sanctum beneath that Park Avenue building that Hank famously got arrested in, if that place exists, then it's going to be the Patriots against the Bucs in the Super Bowl. There's no doubt about that.
No, but that's the thing with Goodell. That's his worst nightmare.
Is it? I think so. Having the most watched Super Bowl ever.
Of all time. Probably the most watched television show to ever exist.
Probably it would be the most watched thing that ever happened. I don't know.
He hates the Patriots and he hates it would I think he'd be pretty happy with yeah if Roger Goodell do you want do you want 300 million viewers in the United break records under your watch like that's a record that probably won't even be broken they would it would be that insane what do you think the most watched thing ever is the most watched thing ever it's probably some K Ray J Pam No, it's probably... It's probably...
Ratings? That's just statistics. Maybe the asteroid.
The first asteroid that hit. There were probably a lot of people that saw that.
It's probably... Think about inflation, dude.
No, it's probably... There's like 100 people on Earth.
It's probably some fucking show in like 1960. Or not 1960.
Maybe 1970s when... MASH, when were two shows on? Yeah, right.
When there were two shows on and everyone tuned into those two shows. The Seinfeld finale.
Yeah, or something like... Or like Dallas.
One of those fucking... Beatles on Ed McMahon.
It's the 2015 Super Bowl. Oh, damn.
Okay. Pat Seahawks.
Wait, this is Billy's source though. It's Wikipedia.
What was the most watched thing ever? Oh, and the ninth ranked one was MASH's Farewell. There it is.
Okay. I knew there's got to be one of those.
It's all Super Bowls. Per capita.
It's Super Bowls, and then there's just a show that everyone watched in 1975. Percentage? In Hank's defense, as a spin zone for Goodell, it might actually not be in Goodell's favor to have this be the highest-rated game ever because they're not going to be able to touch this game after it.
Yes, true. How would you compete against the Brady-Belichick Super Bowl? It's all downhill.
Yeah. Well, at that point, Goodell retires probably.
He walks off into the sunset. He cucks Tom Brady.
What do you got there? What do you got there so in 1983 when the mash episode aired the population of the united states was 233 million and it had about 105 million views so it's greater than the population that's not half the population, it's not half the population. Watch the mash.
And everyone was probably like, that was a good finale. Yep.
Not just a bunch of people like, this show sucks for this reason or this reason. Because Twitter didn't exist.
Right, exactly. Oh, wait, wait.
Crazy Frog by Axl F has 3.1 billion views. Damn.
So that's the most watched thing ever. That's crazy.
All right, let's get to Football Guy of the Week and Who's Back Week. Before we do that, PFT, because we all love each other so much, I have a gift for you.
I have a gift for you. You can maybe see right now that I'm wearing part of it right now.
It is Travis Matthews. I was going to ask you about that.
They are the most comfortable clothes I have ever owned. So open that gift.
All right, let's see. I'm surprising you with this gift.
It's from the Cloud Collection, which I am wearing myself right now. That's how much I love it.
I own a ton of the Cloud Collection. It is super, super comfortable.
So make sure you open that. What do you got in there? Let's see it for the people.
Travis Matthews, a lifestyle performance apparel brand. Oh, Big Cat, you shouldn't have.
Creating the most comfortable and versatile products on the market. The Travis Matthews Cloud Collection feels like a dream.
Our Cloud Collection is the softest collection. Look, it's a jumpsuit.
It's a jumpsuit. This is perfect.
Boom. You can stay in the perfect comfort and perfect style, whether you're lounging on the couch, taking work from home calls, or getting in that evening walk.
We've managed to improve the comfort, hand feel, softness, warmth, and stretch of the most comfortable collection. I love Travis Matthew.
I wear it all the time. You see me wearing it all the time.
TravisMatthew.com slash Barstool. Use code PMT for 20% off.
I got PFT this gift. I got him two.
Two of the Cloud Collection sweatpants and sweatshirt. I'm going to take so many napkins.
Oh, look at this one. For the holidays, black on black, looking slim.
I love that, yeah. Oh, man.
Travis Matthew, thank you for sponsoring us. Thank you for helping me gift this to my good friend PFT.
Hank, I'm sure your gift just got lost in the mail. It will be here soon.
Travis Matthew, the most comfortable cloud collection. It is the best.
Travis Matthew, go right now. TravisMatthew.com slash Barstool.
Use code PMT for 20% off. TravisMatthew.com slash Barstool and use code PMT for 20% off.
Hank, I will get you a gift. Hank, do you want to remind me? My gift is getting to come into work every day and see you guys.
I already did. I beat you to it.
Nope. My gift is friendship to you.
Your friendship to me is my gift to me. Just being around and being able to be in your guys' presence.
God, I love you so much. It's insane.
How much did you win on that bet? Like $1,400. Oh, I love you so much.
Hank, do you want the second track suit? I love you. No, no.
Give it to someone who needs it. Give it to a needy.
A needy? One of them needies. One of them needies.
All right, Football Guy of the Week, Billy. Congratulations to last week's winner, Gardner Minshew.
Oh. who won after celebrating with his father.
I missed him this week. Okay.
Yeah, I did too. Last week I wanted to make a Christmas wreath out of rattlesnakes.
Just dig a hole in the backyard somewhere. Our first nominee is Forrest Rine, linebacker from Villanova.

After losing the quarterfinals FCS tournament game, he was asked.

So he leads the nation in tackles.

And when asked what it means to end the season leading the nation in tackles,

he replied, nothing.

Because they lost. Because they lost.
Yeah, they lost. So he led the nation in tackles.
He replied, nothing. Because they lost.

Because they lost.

Yeah, they lost.

So he led the nation in tackles.

He did.

Not currently leading.

Yeah.

He probably currently does.

I think he still has the record.

Yeah, but JMU's got a couple more games,

so someone there is probably going to take him over.

Our second nominee is Chad Johnson.

He was watching the game today, and he tweeted,

Fourth quarter.

We can still win this game, Bengals. She's having contractions, but I'm not moving from in front of this tv let's go Bengals emoji love it his wife was having uh traction yeah I think someone was traction someone was going into labor I don't know if he's married how many how many kisses he have I feel like he's got a good crew there.
Super fast. Super, super fast.

Trackstar.

One of his daughter. Our third nominee is Coach Brian Lepac from Kansas State University.
He's head of recruiting. Commented on what he looks for in recruits.
He said, I'm looking for dudes who go after Moby Dick in a rowboat and bring the tartar sauce with him. Didn't Moby Dick, I never read that book.
Did he end up getting them? I think Moby Dick killed everyone, right? Yeah. Yeah.
So I don't think that guy read the end of the book. I think he ate the captain and then the captain Ahab lived inside of his stomach.
No, that's Jonah. And got like pooped out

and killed them.

That's the Bible.

That's Jonah.

You sure?

God wins at the end.

He always does.

We're real big book readers here.

I actually love that book.

You read Moby Dick?

I had to read all Moby Dick.

You read all Moby Dick?

So then what happened?

The captain goes down with the whale

trying to kill it.

So this guy's like recruiting. Yeah, but...
I actually think that makes it more the fact that he hasn't finished Moby Dick. So then what happened? The captain goes down with the whale trying to kill it.
So this guy's recruiting. Yeah, but...
I actually think that makes it more of the fact that he hasn't finished Moby Dick. Yeah.
He just knows it's about a whale. No, I'm just saying he's trying to recruit.
He's basically saying, I want to recruit guys that are so stubborn they'll die. Exactly.
That's what you want. That's what you want.
Yes. Our fourth nominee is Jerry Gray, D-back coach from the Green Bay Packers.
The defensive back coach Jerry Gray says he never wears sleeves in the cold. It gives opponents the edge.
They asked him why. Your opponents think you're soft.
I asked if sleeves make you soft. I don't know.
I never wore them. That was his comments on sleeves.
I hate sleeves. That's a good answer.
He doesn't know. And now for our old-school throwback football guy of the week.
William Phillip had this to say about football. The fact that it makes respectable the most primitive feelings about violence, patriotism, manhood, the similarity to war, is unmistakable.
There is even a general draft. And that was his quote on football.
Like it. So, Billy, thank you for your service.
Yes. You're welcome.
Way to go viral again. The Army-Navy game.
That was great. It was great.
If you see Billy in the streets, you better salute him. No, please don't.
Yeah, no, no, no. No, it's getting really awkward.
Give up your seat on the subway. On a plane, too.
Please do not. Do it.
Treat Billy as you would a pregnant woman. No.
Yeah, buy him anything. A beer.
You can. beer.
You wouldn't do that to a prego. No, you would not.
So buy him a coffee. Or a hot chocolate.
Or a hot cocoa. Yeah, ask him when he's expecting to be discharged.
Alright, thank you, Billy. Good job.
Go vote for it right now. The blog is up.
We're going to finish up. We got Who's back of the week.
Cash app is back. Major announcement from Cash app.
They're now introducing teen banking to the masses. If you're 13 plus, you need to download the Cash app now.
You can send and transfer cash to your friends, little brother, little sister, little cousin. You can use the Cash card, debit card, as well as any boosts currently available.
And just a heads up. Reminders to teens, you won't be able to buy or sell stocks or Bit bitcoins but you can learn how to use the cash app like a debit card so download the cash app enter the referral code barstool you will get ten dollars and they will send ten dollars to asbca when you download the cash app from the app store google play store today cash app thank you who's back of the week hank take us away i have a couple favorite person in the world henry lockwood i love this guy so fucking much i wish i could kiss him and to in put him in my back pocket and take him everywhere with me yeah i have a couple my first one is happiness joy love true uh tis the season around the holidays we're especially a cheery bunch like pft always loves christmas he like you know puts up lights around the around the the pile and gets everyone all hyped up yeah usually comes i'm a big i'm a big wassler actually i love wassling so yeah it's just great it's just great to be in this time of the year with you guys i just love it holiday cheer i just feel really lucky and really special uh and i just want to kind of vocalize that to the listeners so they understand how lucky and special I feel and how happy I am to be here with you guys.
I love it. I love it so much.
I want to just let you guys know, I plan on bringing presents for you guys. Oh, nice.
It's going to be something small. Cool.
But there are presents coming. Nice.
Don't want it to be weird. Drugs? Yeah.
It's giving us drugs. It's technically a drug, yeah.
Technically a drug.

All right, good to know.

If it's cocaine, I'll take it.

My other who's back is Brian Kelly.

Yeah.

I do declare.

A video came out.

I think this was a recruit, I'm assuming.

Yep.

Doing a tour at the LSU's facility.

They had this little photo 360 camera angle played up.

The first mistake, which I saw some people point out, but should be on the record, the song playing was calling on Baton Rouge, but it was the Garth Brooks version, which is not the version they play down in Baton Rouge at LSU at Fred's. I think, what is it? The New Grass Revitalist or something? I'll look up the real...
I probably just butchered that. There's a real...

He looks so uncomfortable.

Colin on Baton Rouge

that you're supposed to play.

You played the wrong one.

You saw his Colin Baton Rouge.

In the video,

he was like dancing,

holding up the L.

It was super, super, super cringey.

What we're learning quickly

is that Brian Kelly at Notre Dame

was the perfect fit.

Like, he should be recruiting.

He should be sitting

in someone's living room.

Newgrass Revival. He should be sitting in their living room being like, it's not about football.
It's about the rest of your life. And Notre Dame has a great alumni structure that will make sure that you're set up for the next 50 years, not the next 10.
Instead of doing these weird dances and holding up the L for LSU. It's going to be very funny to see him down in Baton Rouge.
I'm very excited for it because if he wins, it'll all be fun. Wait, how did you get those pants on? Did you just do that in front of us? I'm very experienced in getting dressed.
He's still wearing his jeans. I get dressed almost every day, yeah.
I miss that. You're all in the jumpsuit.
I'm super excited for Brian Kelly in Baton Rouge because it's such a bad culture fit, obviously. So it's going to probably blow up.
Now, he can either win really quickly, and he should because if he doesn't, it's going to get bad. It's going to get bad really fast, and it's going to be very funny to watch.
Brian Kelly pretending to be a Southerner, he's trying to wink and nod and play into it now. Yes.
But as they say in the South, the horse is out of that barn, Brian. Yeah.
He is definitely a big misfit there. Brian Kelly, just go on Hot Ones.
Just steer all into it. I want to see Brian Kelly just try to rebrand himself because he lacks a personality outside of a football field.
He absolutely does. Come on this show.
Come on this show. Word for Coach O? Yeah, it's true.
I miss Coach O. I feel bad for Coach O.
The whole time I'm watching that. And he's probably loving this.
Yeah, but you know he watched that video. Yeah, this fucking asshole.
Just wait. All right, PFT, who's back? Was that it, Hank? That was great.
I have a bunch, but I'm assuming you are. You want to do one more? I'll give you one more.
Do one more. Do one more.
Alley, you, pank, dunk it. Do one more.
No, I know it's going to be one of your guys'. No, no, do one more.
No, have one so You do one more You sure? Yeah Yours are better than ours anyways Fat guy basketball players Big men hoopers That was good That was a good one So this kid his name is Connor Williams I think he plays for Buffalo No St. John Fisher Against Buffalo He was playing against He was playing against Buffalo.
What's his name, Billy? St. John Fisher.
Did I take it from you? No, I have a bunch down. He could have been a football guy of the week.
This guy is 7 foot tall, what, like 350 pounds? 400 pounds. And absolutely wet from 3.
Absolute tank. The video came out where he was running down the court.
He fell. He got up.
He gets the ball. Throws a dime.
Dime, yep. Where he basically is looking like he doesn't even want to throw it.
And then a bunch of other highlights of this kid came out. He's apparently a two-time state champion or player of the year in his state.
He's actually a good player. So his name is Connor Williams.
I feel like you're going to be hearing a lot more. Well, I think we're going to hire him.
I was sitting next to Dave when those highlights went viral, and he started DMing with him. So, yeah.
I think that's all he needed. Yeah, I would be shocked if he wasn't in studio, like working for part of my take in some capacity within the year.
Yes. Oh, I didn't realize.
So, it's actually a Division III school that plays D1 schools. Yes, yes.
So, that's – wow. And you know what? Legend.
I'd almost rather see a dude that's that big be a sick passer than a dude that's that big be wet from three. But he's got both.
He does it all. Well, the belly prevents people from closing out on a shot.
That's true. That's a little bit mean.
No, but that's how you use your body. Yeah, that's also true.
He's awesome. It's no different than Kevin Durant's shot being unguardable because of his height.
True. Yeah.
Different dimensions. Yeah, exactly.
All right, PFT, who's your who's back? If Hank's done with his who's backs of the week. I love Hank so much.
I do too. He's just a great, outstanding young man.
You know what? Even better off the show than he is on it. Yeah.
Cheery and great to be around. My who's back of the week is the ever given.
My mom's not going to think you guys are joking and trolling. No, we love Hank.
No, of sure. When I said you were grumpy, that was a joke.
Mrs. Lockwood, you raised a heck of a kid.
Yeah, that was a joke. You're always happy.
I am. I know.
I wouldn't say it if I didn't believe it. Did I stutter a little there? Go ahead, BFT.
The Ever Given is my who's back of the week. The Ever Given was the ship that got stuck in the Suez Canal.
Yeah. Remember that? It was stuck there for like 13 days.
Yeah. Fucked up all of global trade.
The world. Yeah.
I think it said that its first pass through the Suez Canal caused a global meltdown. Yep.
Which is as bad as it can go for your first time making any journey in any sort of container. But the Ever Given's back.

Just yesterday,

it returned to the Suez Canal.

And it made it through. It made it through.

Returned like Napoleon

said, or was that

Lafayette? I don't know. One of those assholes

went back to a place that he lost and won the

next battle. But the Ever Given made it all the way

through. So shout out to the Ever Given.

It would have been very funny if it got stuck a second time. Very um yeah oops i did it oops i did it again i was i was actually rooting for the ever given to get stuck it would have been another time that was a great you know what though i feel like that's when um that was when we were in detroit last year right so it was right around playoff football i think it was a good thing to talk about for a while.
It gave us a global... Everyone across the world was talking about the same thing on social media, which is kind of a nice treat.
Everyone was cracking wise. You got to see a lot of ja-ja-ja-ja-jahs, like when people laugh in Spanish online.
I always liked that. People of all stripes were coming together to joke about the driver of the Ever Given.
Oh, I thought you were talking about the Throtus. Oh.
That was another great Twitter moment. She was Ever Given.
She's back. She's all the way back.
Yep. Throat goat.
Absolutely. The hypest thing about the Suez Canal, those guys getting hype after they got it out, and it was just a bunch of dudes in one excavator.
Yeah. And they're like chanting.
Yes. Yes.
Yes. All right who's back of the week is the under in Army Navy.
16 years in a row. And yes, I bet the over.
And I'm going to still do it until it hits because it'll be the greatest day of my life. I went there.
I went to Army Navy yesterday. It was awesome.
One of the coolest games. Just the best.
So yeah, 16 years in a row. 16 years in a row, the under is hit.
That's fucking insane. It pretty impressive.
It's always a fun game to watch, too. Yeah, it is.
And the Heisman coming after it. There were too many passes, though.
I didn't like Army's offense. Army's getting cute with it.
I guess I have to blame Joe Biden. Yes.
Now Army passes the ball. They did pass the ball a decent amount for that game.
I always thought it would be awesome if one of those teams practiced in secret spread offense and just showed up and started running it. They wouldn't be able to stop it.
Not at all because you spend your entire week. Yeah.
Entire year. Getting ready for that game.
And then the Heisman right after Bryce Young, Kenny Pickett was robbed. Also, I don't know if you guys saw that clip.
It was one of the more awkward moments when Desmond Howard was talking to Aiden Hutchinson. And they were like, oh, yeah, beating Ohio State was why I came back and all this stuff.
And Desmond Howard and Tim Tebow just started trashing C.J. Stroud's offensive line right in front of him.
And C.J. Stroud just didn't laugh.
He was stone-faced, this is fucked up, don't talk about my guys like that. Yeah, Tim Tebow.
He just made it way worse. He was really, really awkward with it.
He's so awkward. He's such an awkward.
He's got an awkward delivery. And his shoes are way too big.
Yes. Tongues of his shoes.
I don't like his haircut either. And that's our Tim Tebow roast.
The fake part. Actually, I think Tim Tebow caught a few strays throughout this show.
Yeah, he might have. Okay, Billy.
Who's back? CFL. The Grey Cup.
Oh, also my who's back is Hank being just the best gambler of all time. The Winnipeg Blue Bombers won.
And just a little update on CFL. Oh, thanks.
My other who's back is Halo. If you guys saw Joey Bosa do the Halo teabag celebration.
No. I saw that, yeah.
It's pretty dope. That is dope.
It was pretty dope. It was pretty dope.
So that's all back now? The NFL tweeted it out. And then the NFL deleted the tweet because somebody told them, hey, this is a teabag celebration.
They're like, we can't have that. Delete, delete, delete.
Cannot have that. All right, Jake, who's your who's back? Wrap us up.
Who's back is Hugh Jackson, the former Taiki Award presenter. Yes.
Or sorry, it was for Hatsu Cool Throne. Yes.
Presenter. He's the new head coach at Grambling State.
Oh, good for him. Yeah.
Good for him. Also, Skorgamis.
Yeah. Huge day.
Awesome. Anything quickly that you want to recap us for college basketball what happened in the Alabama Houston game everyone was mad about something but I controversial non-goaltending call that was a great game I made the the very adult decision to just go to sleep yeah crazy thing that's fair yeah I'm glad you put your country first you didn't have to to watch Wisconsin-Ohio.
I don't know what you're talking about. Exactly.
I was watching Army Navy. We're going to have our fourth number one team because Purdue lost.
So Purdue, Duke, and Gonzaga all lost number one. Baylor will be number one again.
Wow. It's all heating up.
Everything's coming up Rutgers. Disregard what happened last night.
Disregard. Disregard.
The trophy's made of the boardwalks. Is it really? Yeah.
Oh, that's cool. That's cool.
They should make it out of like a nuclear reactor or something. Something more Jersey.
Yeah. So nuclear reactor? Yeah.
Three Mile, right? Three Mile Island? No, is that in Philly? Indian Point is the closest, I. That's upstate.
Is that New Jersey?

Yeah, upstate New York.

Not New Jersey. Every team that

kicked an onside kick and recovered it lost this weekend.

Ooh, is that two

teams? Three teams. Who?

Bears, Ravens,

and someone else did it.

Yeah, New Jersey

has like a million nuclear power plants. Are any of them close to...
Who's the other team that did it? Yeah, several. And some other team.
Who knows? 88. 81.
69. Oh, the Bears, the Ravens.
Yeah. And some other team.
And some other team. Six.
That did it. Eight.

Grizzly Bears can run as fast as race horses.

What'd you guess, Hank?

88.

Sure, we'll hit.

What's on a play?

39 and 52.

18!

Bang! Jake!

13.

On his origami day!

Love it, Jake.

Let's go!

Jake, take a picture with number 18. Fuck yes! What a day.
It's awesome. Your haircut looks good.
Thank you. Jake, you're probably the biggest winner on this show.
That's incredible. Everything we said nice about Hank, it was about you.
Yeah. Yeah.
But you also beat Hank in ping pong, though. True, but the Frank Calianda video is live on YouTube.
Go check it out. He's going to win that one.
Love you guys. The Lions.
Oh! The Lions. Bears and Ravens.
The Lions did an onside kick today? When? Why? Today's the 13th, right? Love you guys. They lost by like...
When and why? I'm talking away I don't know what I'm to say I'm changing you way today is my day to find you shying away I'll be coming for your lover King

Shying away

I'll be coming for your lover

King

Take

On me

Take

Me

Oh Oh Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Take me alone I'll be gone When I turn around I'll be you come Rookie of the day Needless to say I'm on the it But I'll be Stowling away Learning that life Is okay Say up to me It's no better To you say It's all All the things that you say Is it life or just to play my worries away You're all the things I've got to remember You're shying away I'll be coming for you anyway

You're shying away

I'll be coming for you anyway

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait

Take on me

Take on me

Take me up

I've become