The 2021 Takie Awards Plus Blake Bortles, Blake Griffin & Brooks Koepka For Blake Of The Year

Speaker 1 Hey, pardon my take, listeners. You can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
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Speaker 2 On today's part in my take,

Speaker 2 the 2021 Takies. They are finally here.
The Takies are here. We have 23 categories that are going to win an award, including

Speaker 2 podcast listeners of the year and Blake of the Year. I'm going to say this right now.
I'll say it on the other end of the ad as well. No spoilers.
Please, no spoilers.

Speaker 2 People who listen to it right away. Don't spoil it for everyone else.
It's a fun thing that we do. It's stupid.
The tankies are funny, silly, whatever. Please, no spoilers.
Let people listen.

Speaker 2 But the Blake of the Year, we have changed the rules. We have all three Blakes on this show to decide the winner of the 2021 Blake of the Year.
And again, 23 other awards that we're giving out.

Speaker 5 When cool, creamy ranch meets tangy, bold buffalo, the whole is greater than the sum of its sauce. Say howdy, partner, to new Buffalo Ranch Sauce only at McDonald's for a limited time.

Speaker 4 At participating, McDonald's.

Speaker 2 Okay, let's go.

Speaker 2 No place behind a lot of washing.

Speaker 2 And then I can't claim all on the sun. Oh, no, we're gonna rock it down to Elite Track Ivano.

Speaker 2 And then we'll take it higher.

Speaker 2 Oh, we're gonna rock it down to Elaine Trake Avenue. It's Pardon My Tape presented by Far Stool Sports.

Speaker 2 Welcome to Pardon My Tape presented by Coors Light, the Beer to Chill, the Beer of the Summer, the greatest beer of all time. Today is Wednesday, July 28th, and welcome to the 2021 Takeies.

Speaker 2 Welcome, guys. We just ordered a shitload of wings for the Takies.
I'm telling you, this is the most magical night in show business. It really is.
The Espies can go fuck off right off a cliff.

Speaker 2 They can go suck our dicks. Hey, Espies, suck my dick.

Speaker 2 We're saying it. Suck our dicks.
You know what, Espies? You pieces of shit. I think like five people watched the Espies this year.
We're going to at least double that. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I mean, the Espies, did they happen?

Speaker 2 i don't know i don't care the takeies is all that matters so if this is your first takeies this is our annual award show that we do in the summer this year we actually were or usually we do it uh during the sb like week it's usually the week all-star it's usually the week or the day after the home run derby or the day before the home run yeah that all-star game but this year because of the weird nba schedule the nba finals were during that week so we had a lot of things to talk about so we are doing the takeies today.

Speaker 2 We are very excited. We have 23 awards for you.
I think I might even miscounted that. So it might even be 24.
We have Blake of the Year. We have Podcast Listeners of the Year.

Speaker 2 Blake of the Year is going to be intense, too.

Speaker 2 We came up with an idea to do Blake of the Year in a little different way. In the past, we've just called them.
And whoever picks up the phone is the person who becomes Blake of the Year.

Speaker 2 There's a major wrinkle in this year's award ceremony. We also have guest presenters.

Speaker 2 Well, the major wrinkle in this year's Blake of the Year is that we came up with a dumber idea, and it really was dumb. It's definitely dumber.

Speaker 2 But all three Blakes are in attendance. So we have them all.
We talk to all of them. Get excited for that.
Should we do it? Should we hop into it? Billy, do you want to say grace? A prayer?

Speaker 2 Maybe a pregame prayer? Yeah, say some grace.

Speaker 2 Take a knee, boys. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Here we go. Before we enter this award ceremony, I would like us to all be grateful for everything that has happened in the past that we are thankful for.
Do you know? Do you know? Have a great year.

Speaker 2 You know when there's

Speaker 2 awesome year. Do you know when there's that, like people will use that tweet, like someone said this and I can't stop thinking about it? Like, it really be like that or something like that?

Speaker 2 It really do be like that. It really do be like that.
When we came

Speaker 2 across the conclusion that Billy is a stoner that doesn't smoke, like I can't hear his voice differently. When was that? Was that last episode? Yeah, two weeks ago.
Yeah, you are high.

Speaker 2 Yeah, like Billy's brain is high. Just your presentation.
Like, oh, it goes.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 you look kind of different today, Billy. Yeah, what's up? What happened? Did you get a haircut? Nah.

Speaker 2 Say it. Say it.
Say the line, Billy. Say the line that you said off air because it was so goddamn good.
We can't start the takeies until you do it. All right, let's do it.
Let's go back into it.

Speaker 2 Billy, go back to zero. All right, all right.
I'm going to say three, two, one, and then you're going to go into the scene. Yeah.
Because this is exactly what happened before we started the show.

Speaker 2 Three, two, one scene. Billy, you look great.
Did you get a haircut or something?

Speaker 2 No, I actually dyed the tips invisible.

Speaker 2 And now we can start the 2021 tankies. Just an unbelievable line.
You said that, and I hate you now.

Speaker 2 You get almost throw-ups. Yeah, it was bad.
It was bad. For me to throw up because of a bad joke, you know how awful it has to be? Dude,

Speaker 2 a math teacher told me that once. Yeah.

Speaker 2 You shouldn't repeat it. Dude, you are so hot.
You're a haircut.

Speaker 2 And he was like, no, I dyed the tips invisible. I was like, oh, I'm going to keep that one in the bank.

Speaker 2 All right, let's do it. So, here we go.
Award number one, the Hacker of the Year Award. We had a presenter, did not get back to us.

Speaker 2 Okay, so we can, at the end of this, we'll have PFT, I think this was yours. So you'll tell us who you were going to have present the award.
So, hacker, you would appear.

Speaker 2 Hacker of the year, the nominees are the pipeline that got hacked, which I don't even still know how that happened, but it happened. Somebody clicked on the Kansas City titties.
Yeah, right.

Speaker 2 The pipeline that got hacked and made us all pay more for our gas for like two weeks. We were really pissed about that.

Speaker 2 Brogan Roeback hacking PFT, which that was bad. That was day one stuff.
Hand up. That was mostly my fault.
And then the presumptive favorite.

Speaker 2 I think this actually would be off the board if we had bets on the takeies. Jay Williams for

Speaker 2 being hacked after the the Celtics hired a African-American coach, and then Jay Williams tweeted the first head coach of color for the Celtics.

Speaker 2 And even more importantly, he is one talented individual who has paid his dues. Now, if you have even like a very, very basic knowledge of sports history, you know that that's not in fact true.

Speaker 2 The Celtics actually had the first African-American head coach in NBA history and Bill Russell, and they've had like five since.

Speaker 2 Jay Williams then tweeted about six hours later as it relates to the Boston Celtics tweet that came from my account a couple of hours ago. I did not post that, and my passcode has now been changed.

Speaker 2 So, wait, to clarify, this nominee is not Jay Williams. It's the hacker

Speaker 2 who broke into Jay Williams. Correct.

Speaker 2 Correct. Could have been his kid, could have been an intern, could have been someone from Russia.
Who knows? Still at large. All right.

Speaker 2 Drum roll.

Speaker 2 We don't have to do this forever. Who would have announced it? It was going going to be Jay Williams.
Jay Williams is on cameo. He has not responded yet.
Damn.

Speaker 2 And I was going to have Jay Williams give the award to the people that broke into the pipeline. Yes.
And then it turns out, oops, Jay Williams' cameo account got hacked. Ah, so the winner is...

Speaker 2 the hacker of Jay Williams. Congratulations.
You have now won. I'm sure that person is listening right now.
You have won the first takey of 2021. Great award.
Listen to me, you son of a bitch.

Speaker 2 We haven't forgotten about you. I still...

Speaker 2 Wow. we were at the Islanders game for that moment.
It was incredible.

Speaker 2 Everybody was laughing. You can't get that wrong as a basketball analyst.

Speaker 2 It honestly reminded me of that Sunday night baseball game where they found out that Bin Laden had just been shot and like whispers going through the crowd and people clapping.

Speaker 2 That's what was happening at the Islanders game, but it was just people showing each other Jay Williams I got hacked tweet. Yes, and just an all-time hacking and all-time fuck-up on his part.

Speaker 2 We will find it. Just like OJ, every day he wakes up and he looks for that killer.
We're looking for Jay Williams hacker. We're coming, you son.
We're going to get his son. We got Coney.
You're next.

Speaker 2 I hope that

Speaker 2 his hacker doesn't have COVID and can't go outside, so we can't find him. But maybe he does.
Yep.

Speaker 2 The second award of the night. This one is a new award in Takey's Lore.
It's for Worst Dog of the Year. We love most dogs on this podcast.
There are a few that we don't.

Speaker 2 The nominees for Worst Dog of the Year are Dogecoin. anytime Elon Musk doesn't tweet about it.
Which that dog sucks. That dog currently sucks.
When Elon Musk doesn't tweet about it.

Speaker 2 Correct, and he hasn't tweeted about it for a while. Do the tweet, Elon.
Do the Doge tweet, Elon, please. I've lost a lot of money recently.
The second nominee is Leroy for dying.

Speaker 2 The third nominee for Worst Dog of the Year is Major Biden. And the fourth nominee for Worst Dog of the Year is the Water Dogs La Crosse Club.

Speaker 2 I actually were so stupid that I don't even know who wins this award, even though we put put this all together.

Speaker 2 But I would like to make a last-minute plea for the Water Dogs Lacrosse Club because they do suck. Even though they had a bye week, even though they're in second place, I know what they're doing.

Speaker 2 They're just getting to a point where we start believing in them, and we get so hyped up for the playoffs, only to have them stop shooting the ball and lose by a million. So I know

Speaker 2 they're 500 right now. Them calling themselves like we're in first place.
That's like our football team or the Bears

Speaker 2 for the season. Yeah, we're not going to, to, listen, we're not going to apologize for winning.
No. However,

Speaker 2 we're realists about the future of the Water Dogs Club. Hanks, you just gave a look of like you don't believe me.

Speaker 2 Well, no, I'm just saying because Jake's announcing the game this weekend, so a lot more AWLs will be watching.

Speaker 2 If they put on a show, then we're all going to get convinced they're going to win the whole thing. Okay.
Good point.

Speaker 2 The whole season's, for me, at least. On Saturday.
Well, yeah, but that's because that's the one game they're going to watch. That's going to make or break for this game.
You know what?

Speaker 2 Speaking for everyone, Hanks thinks that this game is the most important. As experts, when it comes to motivating our players, I think we got to give it to the Water Dogs then.

Speaker 2 Because then this weekend.

Speaker 2 They'll be in double revenge mode, coming at us, coming at Jake. Fuck you, Water Dogs, you pieces of shit.
You are the worst dogs of the year. Who was supposed to win?

Speaker 2 I actually had Water Dogs highlighted. Oh, fuck yes.
All right. Fuck you, Water Dogs.
And you had another sling and a miss for the presenter. Okay, we don't win this one.
We say that every time.

Speaker 2 Yeah, because we have

Speaker 2 only like three. Oh, no, no.
He'll get back to us. Who is it?

Speaker 2 It's going to be a bit of a picture. Oh, man.

Speaker 2 No, he

Speaker 2 He's a piece of shit. I told him that this.
P stands for piece of shit. Tweeted Pete.
Everyone tweeted Pete. Whether he was included in this show or not, all business, Pete.

Speaker 2 He is giving away free Madden codes for the rest of the summer.

Speaker 2 All right. Next up, the Retirement of the Year Award.
So we had some retirements. We had some people

Speaker 2 walk away from the game. I think I did it every Sunday or Monday after

Speaker 2 NFL weekend. But I'm not not nominated.
The nominees are coach Roy Williams for his classy retirement after getting pasted by Wisconsin in the tournament.

Speaker 2 First time ever losing in the first round, whatever. That's not a big deal.
Roy Williams' classy retirement.

Speaker 2 Now, Roy Williams, he said that he was going to come back for another year and that he was going to take

Speaker 2 a victory last year. No, no, no, no.
No. No.
He's just walking away. He is just walking away.
So when he says he's retiring, he means he's retiring. Correct.
Now. Correct.
Okay.

Speaker 2 We're taping this on on Sunday for Wednesday. I'll just call my shot.
Aaron Rodgers should have been nominated.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Julian Edelman has retired. Classy retirement.

Speaker 2 Went out with a classy thirst trap where he looked hot sitting in the 50-yard line at Gillette. Looked awesome.
Julian Edelman's the nominee.

Speaker 2 And then, of course, Coach K, which I'm going to call my shot.

Speaker 2 I'm going to say Coach K is going to win it this year, and he's going to win it next year when he actually does retire retire, because Coach K has said that he's going to retire, but he needs everyone to suck his dick for an entire year before he actually retires.

Speaker 2 And he could probably be talked into coming back if, like, his young players

Speaker 2 go into this. I know they will.
And they're like, Coach K, we want to play one more year with you. Then he could have a dynasty of retirement.
I could see it. He does a press conference.

Speaker 2 He's like, John Shire came to me and said that he's just not ready to take over the team. Then they show John Shire he's got a red dot because someone's got a sniper rifle.

Speaker 2 Coach K's wife's sitting in the rafters with a sniper rifle right at his head. We're going to do co-head coaches for a year.
Yeah, right. Just really take the training wheels.

Speaker 2 And then next year, I'll just do the ACC season for the games that we probably are going to win. Yeah, the ones that we're favored in at home, I'll take care of those.
Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 2 And maybe the following year,

Speaker 2 what was the guy's name, Pete Gaudette, who took all of his losses in 1994, which has never been done before.

Speaker 2 Maybe though, like in four years from now, Coach K will just take the wins and bring back Pete, and he'll do the losses.

Speaker 2 And what could also happen is like Shire takes over, stinks it up for the first half of the season. Yep.
And Coach K is like, I'm your knight in shining armor. Sure, I'll come back.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And immediately boots him out. I'll come back and I'll give a speech and then we'll put that on my record.
And then he'll retire again at the end of that year. Yeah.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Seriously, just though, just going to throw that out there just so people remember that Coach K had a medical issue one year. The Duke Blue Devils had a terrible, terrible year.

Speaker 2 Coach K didn't take any of the losses.

Speaker 2 Pete Godette took the losses and then coach k like 10 years later said yeah i probably should have taken the losses but whatever i don't know anyone at duke that could possibly there's nothing he can do there's out of my hands all right so we have a a special uh guest to present this award jake hit it hey everyone this is sheldon willms the 2021 takeie for retirement of the year is none other than the greatest basketball mind to ever walk the planet yes mike Coach K.

Speaker 2 Shaszzewski. Congratulations, Coach.

Speaker 2 I thought he was going to say Roy Williams.

Speaker 2 Very high. Greg Popovich.

Speaker 2 Bill Jackson. His kids with Candace Parker, those are just going to be the best rebounders of all time, right? Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Absolutely. Just eating up boards.
All right, so Coach K, congratulations, Coach K.

Speaker 2 For winning the first of what should be a dynasty of retirements of the year.

Speaker 2 You should be the studio audience. Yeah.
Clap it up. Because, again, he is eligible next year.
Yeah. Because he will officially retire next year.

Speaker 2 I'll just say this: it's going to be a disappointment if he doesn't win back-to-back. Ooh.
Like, right now, he's primed. He's entering his prime to go on a nice little run here.

Speaker 2 I think Brady's pretty much the only one who could retire over the top of him.

Speaker 2 I could also see Aaron Rodgers pulling back to back, too. He was this year.
Yeah, but he might go back-to-back. Oh, come out and then come back.
Aaron Rodgers, he's so competitive.

Speaker 2 He might see that Roy, or that Coach K is set up to go on a three out of five run and fake retire a couple times just to beat him. Yep.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Make sure you put nominees that Aaron Rodgers was official nominee this year.

Speaker 2 Okay. The fourth award of the night is going to 19-year-old of the year.
Ooh. This is the fourth year in a row that I think we've had this award.
Yes. 19-year-old of the year.

Speaker 2 It was a stacked field this year. We've got Jason Tatum.
Okay. He's a young 19.
Okay. Mbappe won a World Cup.
choked in the Euros. He's still 19.
Big choke. And then Lil Sas, Lil Sasquatch.

Speaker 2 People forget.

Speaker 2 The king, the one and only. People forget that he's the king of New York.
He's got a great new podcast out that you guys should download and listen to.

Speaker 2 It's really good for a 19-year-old son of a boy dad.

Speaker 2 The winner goes to.

Speaker 2 Hey, doing alls. It's big time Tommy.

Speaker 2 And I'm happy to announce that the boy who doesn't miss aka Lil Sasquatch is the winner of 19-year-old of the year due to his hilarious coverage of Bryce Bryce Hall and Josh Richards social life.

Speaker 2 Congratulations. Congratulations.
Yes, the 19 year old of the year award. Congratulations from big time Tommy and pardon my take.

Speaker 2 You are now the new recipient of some kind of trophy. I hope you get one.

Speaker 2 Stay old school, my friend. OS for life.

Speaker 2 Think it is.

Speaker 2 Wow. Wow.
A little Sasquatch. And in no way did we just put that in and give him the award so that he would retweet this podcast.
Yeah, no, that definitely didn't happen. Also, shout out our guy,

Speaker 2 Big Time Tommy.

Speaker 2 That definitely wasn't Uncle Chaps. It was Big Time Tommy.

Speaker 2 Appreciate you announcing that. Thank you, Big Time Tommy.
And a great,

Speaker 2 that was motivational, what he said, too. It was wonderful.
It was. It was poetic.
Fantastic.

Speaker 2 I hope big time Tommy didn't let his dog kill his cat. Yeah, that would have...
Okay. Yeah.
I didn't say it. PFT said it.
We should have nominated.

Speaker 2 Everyone's going to, everyone stitch tags me for that. Snitch tag PFT.
We should have nominated Chaps' dog as worst dog in the year. Yeah.
Yeah. Well, that was two years ago.

Speaker 2 I'll double-check with him. I'll get the details.

Speaker 2 Billy, you're going to clap. You can clap.

Speaker 2 All right. Nice.
Nice. All right.
Next up. Next up, we have Apology of the Year.
Now, this was

Speaker 2 a very, very tight race. This was an incredible class this year.

Speaker 2 some great apologies so we'll start with the apology now you probably didn't expect to see this guy in here but urban meyer did apologize this year for hiring the uh the iowa coach yes he said uh so he hired chris doyle as strength and conditioning coach uh he then fired him like i don't know two days later after the backlash and urban meyer said that he accepted his resignation and he said we are responsible for all aspects of our program and in retrospect should have given greater consideration to how his appointment may have affected all involved.

Speaker 2 We wish him the best as he moves forward in his career. So, Urban Meyer, with a good apology for him.
I feel like

Speaker 2 he's well on his way to earning the Lifetime Achievement and Apologizing Award. Yes, that was a for him, that was a great apology.

Speaker 2 The presumptive favorite, Tom Brennan, with an apology after his hot mic incident, which he transcribed as he said, I made a comment earlier tonight that I guess went out over the air that I am deeply ashamed of.

Speaker 2 I pride myself and think of myself as a man of faith.

Speaker 2 And there's a drive into deep left by Castellanos. That will be a home run, and so that'll make it a 4-0 ball game.
I don't know if I'll be putting on the headset again.

Speaker 2 I just, I still can't believe that happened. What a fucking moment.
What a moment.

Speaker 2 You know, his dad's on Twitter now. Oh, really? His dad's on Twitter.

Speaker 2 Yeah, so Marty Brunnerman is on Twitter. People were speculating it was his account, but he never actually claimed it.
Now, since he's no longer on the air,

Speaker 2 he feels free to defend his son. Yeah.
And so he's been like replying to people being like, my son's getting a real bad rap for all this shit. He's getting a real bad rap.

Speaker 2 All the replies to any one of his tweets is just that. copy-paste.
And then there's a deep drive to left.

Speaker 2 In a weird way, I do think he'll probably have a comeback because of how ridiculous that apology was. And

Speaker 2 he probably will never, no one will, he could have a a career. Like, he could come back.
He could be 20 more years. He will always be the Nick Castellano scout.

Speaker 2 It's actually a good thing for him the apology became the story. Right.
No one remembers it. That's when he called it

Speaker 2 hard F. Yes.
He just got a new job, by the way. Oh, so there you go.
He's already in high school sports in the Cincinnati area. Wow.
And he made a joke at his intra-create press conference. Wow.
Okay.

Speaker 2 About his own drive to the deep left. Oh, got it.

Speaker 2 He's back on his feet. Cancel culture.
Yeah, damn. Another one bites the dust.
Stephen A. Smith gets Apology of the Year nominee for his comments about Shohei Otani.
He did. So Stephen A.

Speaker 2 Smith says a lot of things, but when you know that he is serious, he looks directly into the camera. He did the serious Stephen A.

Speaker 2 Smith tone, and he looked in the camera, and then ESPN did like four days' worth of programming off of that.

Speaker 2 So you know he's sorry. You know he's sorry.

Speaker 2 I love when they, when someone fucks up at ESPN, they're like, great, now we can just fucking sell shows for the rest of the week.

Speaker 2 And then they just put, they use the bottom line on ESPN and they run the quotes from their own employees' apology.

Speaker 2 Like they have, you know, MLB, then it scrolls to NFL news, and then scrolls to Stephen A. Smith Apologizes news, and then runs the entire

Speaker 2 reacts. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 And then lastly, we have Jeffrey Toobin, who, if you forgot, was the CNN reporter who forgot to close his Zoom and jerked off during a company meeting.

Speaker 2 His apology, I feel like people obviously remember the story, but they kind of forget how his apology went. It was something.
I went and looked it up.

Speaker 2 He said it was deeply moronic and indefensible.

Speaker 2 And then he went on to say, I've spent the seven subsequent months, miserable months in my life trying to be a better person in therapy, trying to do some public service, working in a food bank, working on a new book.

Speaker 2 What does a food bank have to do with jerking off in front of your coworker's face? And like going to therapy. Like, I went to therapy to overcome my addiction to jacking off accidentally.

Speaker 2 To not closing Zooms. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Or I'm working on a new book that I'm going to make money from. Like, what is that? I just, it's so funny when people use therapy as like, this is my get out of jail free card.

Speaker 2 I did something wrong, but by saying that I'm currently in therapy, it's like when Riley Cooper went to go seek treatment for being racist. Yes.

Speaker 2 They sent him like a 13-step program for a week, and then they brought him back. They're like, okay, he's cured.
It's all good here.

Speaker 2 If I jerked off in front of co-workers on a Zoom, the

Speaker 2 analogous apology that I would issue if I was a Jeffrey Toobin, I'd say, I've worked really hard.

Speaker 2 trying to do i'm in therapy i'm trying to do some public service i sold the pile for 15 000 and i'm working on some new parlays that we'll definitely not lose. That would be what I would say.

Speaker 2 I just say sorry for being horny.

Speaker 2 Working on a new book. Listen, sorry for partying, guys.
I love, too, that he had seven months to be like, I'm going to get in front of America and be like, listen, guys, I'm digging deep.

Speaker 2 I'm working on a new book. I hope his book's about accidentally drinking off on a Zoom call.

Speaker 2 I want to fucking add a wing on my Hampton's house. So I'm working on a new book.

Speaker 2 All right. Do we have

Speaker 2 specials? Oh, we do. Oh, okay.
Went off script a little bit. Oh, this is the one you prepared us for.
Okay.

Speaker 2 We don't know. PFT and I are going to react in the moment.

Speaker 2 Pardon my take. What's happening, brothers? My boys, how are you, man? Look, I got next to me.
A little

Speaker 2 gasoline here.

Speaker 2 Head ticket.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? Back on point. A little pep talk here.

Speaker 2 Congrats on, by the way, Tom, for winning the Apology of the Year, Talkie Tiggy.

Speaker 2 Good shit, man. Hey, wins a win you know whatever whatever it is okay um

Speaker 2 um uh 2021 was a uh a big year for apologies obviously um uh none more than uh captivating than tom brenneman after he well we know what he did but um i like tom brennaman he's a fucking gamer he's uh so what i mean do they have to uh anyways fuck that

Speaker 2 but whatever i mean this country is so fucked up anyway and and number three here,

Speaker 2 I'm going to apologize for you guys for calling Kansas City the band.

Speaker 2 There's a big drive to Deep Left Field. Okay.

Speaker 2 First of all, Kansas City, talk about Xanax, a human fucking Xanax. Dave Xanax can come in stating that you have Xanax.
But anyway, pardon my take. I got you.
You've always got me, one way or another.

Speaker 2 Okay? And

Speaker 2 Jake, thanks for picking nails to do this cameo. Nails on.

Speaker 2 Oh, man.

Speaker 2 He's so high that when you get to the point in your high experience where the only words that you can say are the name of the drug that you just stopped. Oh, man.

Speaker 2 Lenny. Did he have a...
Was that a woman in his? He was just like, yeah, smash this out. A little gasoline.
What's the gasoline? I don't know.

Speaker 2 I never heard a woman... be referenced like that before.
Hey, listen, we gave Nails some money there with the

Speaker 2 cameo. He'll invest it wisely.
Yeah. Wow.
Sorry, so Tom Brennaman, that was a no-brainer.

Speaker 2 I don't think he really had. I mean, Jeffrey Toobin was his best competition, and I still think he lapped the field.

Speaker 2 It might be the best apology of all time. All time.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 It plays forever. The Toobin thing was a funny instance, but

Speaker 2 people will be doing, and there's a deep drive to Castleanos for everything, forever. Yeah, this is like.
It's going to be carved into stone one day.

Speaker 2 Yeah, this is like a year when one of the, like, the best movie ever doesn't win, you know, best or Oscar Oscar because like some other incredible movie was there. So congrats to Tom Brennan.

Speaker 2 It was really a great year and apologies. Yeah, it was.
It really was. It was.

Speaker 2 Well, the sixth award of the night is Lenny of the Year. Oh.
Ironically. Oh.
Lenny Dykstra is nominated for Lenny of the Year.

Speaker 2 Outstanding performance in the field of being Lenny. Also nominated are Playoff Lenny.
Barstool Lenny and Super Bowl Lenny. Oh.

Speaker 2 And the winner's Super Bowl Lenny. Wow.
I think that when you have those three, it was between Barstool Lenny Lenny and Super Bowl Lenny. Clap, Billy.
Clap, come on. Come on.
Come on. For Lenny.

Speaker 2 You won a Super Bowl, Billy. Also, a revelation this year of just Leonard Fournette.
We love him. Yeah.
And he's definitely going to be back on this fall. Yeah, he's cool as shit.
Very cool guy.

Speaker 2 I think he kind of hates us, but also loves us. No, I think he loves us.

Speaker 2 I think he truly loves us. I think he definitely had that moment in his first interview with us where he was like, oh, these guys.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Okay, they're too big of clowns to actually be offensive to me. Yes, yes.
And playoff Lenny. I mean, playoff Lenny got my vote, but Barstool Lenny.
No, wait, what was it?

Speaker 2 Super Bowl Lenny. Super Benny.

Speaker 2 Trump's playoff lenny. Remember, we were talking about, like, would you ever imagine yourself to be? He went from bust to scoring a touchdown in the Super Bowl.

Speaker 2 I think we had a special prop for him, too, in the Super Bowl, right? Yeah, and he did have, like, I mean, what were his, he had a ridiculous playoff run. So, like, that was one of those nicknames.

Speaker 2 When, if you forget the backstory, when Joe, Joe Buck said it in the 2019 playoffs,

Speaker 2 playoff Damien for

Speaker 2 what's his last name? Damien Williams. He's actually on the Bears now for running with the Chiefs.
And we're like, there's no way that's true. And then playoff Lenny became something for real.

Speaker 2 And then Leonard Fournette, awesome guess. He ended up with three touchdowns in the playoffs, 300 yards in four games.

Speaker 2 Actually, four touchdowns because he had a catching touchdown. Awesome playoffs.
Playoff Lenny. Super Bowl Lenny.
All right, Super Bowl Lenny wins that.

Speaker 2 All right, before we get to our next one.

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Speaker 2 Okay, next award, number seven, the best load management of the year award. We have some good nominees.
We have Kyrie Irving, who played 54 games in a 72-game season.

Speaker 2 Had a couple stretches there where he just kind of disappeared, didn't tell anyone where he was, whether he was going to come back or not. He stepped on lucky.
Yeah, that's just load management.

Speaker 2 That's load management. We have Joe Biden because Joe Biden just hid in his basement for the entirety of the presidential campaign.
That was fantastic load management. Great load management.

Speaker 2 It actually turned out completely opposite from Kyrie's load management. Yes, yes.
But I mean,

Speaker 2 we didn't see him for weeks and weeks and weeks. That's how you keep them fresh.
Got to conserve energy at that age. Keep them in the freezer.
All right. Paul Bissinet for load management.

Speaker 2 When we interviewed him about two months ago, and he had done four interview four live streams in four consecutive days yeah it was back to back to back to back incredible live streams incredible and he also blogged I think

Speaker 2 no no no he didn't he did a podcast he did a podcast somebody wrote a blog about his podcast yes yes

Speaker 2 and then finally our

Speaker 2 formerly intern, now full-time Billy Football, for his load management for taking a month and a half off. That was great load management by Billy.
He's come back better than ever.

Speaker 2 He needed that month and a half to get his mind right, to get his chickens, to get his mentals.

Speaker 2 So Billy's a nominee. We do have

Speaker 2 a special guest to present this. So let's go ahead and do that.
Hey guys, it's everyone's favorite, Dr. Johnny Sins here to present the Takey Awards winner for load management of the year.

Speaker 2 As a medical professional, load management is very important for a variety of reasons, which is why I'm happy to present the award to

Speaker 2 Billy Football.

Speaker 2 Great job, Billy. You managed your load all season long.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 2 Oh, man. Billy, would you like to accept that award from everyone's favorite doctor, Johnny Sins? Yeah, I mean, did you ever think you'd be in a world where Johnny Sins is the astronaut?

Speaker 2 Yeah, and he's in the army as well. He does a lot.
He's like Forrest Gump. Yeah, he's living to his army knife of professions.
But yeah, that's crazy.

Speaker 2 I would actually like to thank you guys for

Speaker 2 allowing me to take some time off to get my degree and stuff and letting me come back. I really, you know.
I like the stuff there. The stuff was everything.

Speaker 2 He got his degree, but the stuff was the fun stuff. That was it.
You know, it's been a kind of crazy year for me. Accomplished a lot.
Yeah. Won this award.
What have you accomplished?

Speaker 2 Let's run it down. I

Speaker 2 came back to Barstool. Yep.
I

Speaker 2 trained for a fight for Jose Conseco. Yep.
And then I got my degree. Yep.
And then I moved out of my house. Oh.
It's the real world.

Speaker 2 That is a pretty big year. You got to look at the wins and

Speaker 2 job down. I don't like what you just did there.

Speaker 2 You said trained to fight Jose Conseco. Are we not saying that we kicked Jose Conseco's ass anymore? We did.
We did.

Speaker 2 Okay. All right.
Let's go with that. War mode.
Kick Jose Conseco's ass. You haven't gotten fired.
Yeah, I haven't gotten fired. You've actually gotten better at your job.
I'm

Speaker 2 super hyped. Yeah.
What you guys didn't actually believe me that I was like actually like doing school every day and like studying late at night. Correct.

Speaker 2 No, because we saw your Warzone streams every night for like seven hours. Well, I had to time off sometime.
That was technically work getting Philly.

Speaker 2 One more. Let's check in on how good you're doing right now.
The chicken wings are here. Oh, perfect.

Speaker 2 All right. So, Johnny Sins, thank you for presenting that.
That was the play-em-off music for Billy right there.

Speaker 2 The wings are here. All right.

Speaker 2 This is live. Yep.
Wow. Yep, we're coming downstairs.
This is how important the takies are.

Speaker 2 We just got wings in the middle.

Speaker 2 Okay. Next one.
PFD, that's you. Next one.
This is the eighth award of the evening, and it is for League of the Year. We had a lot of great leagues this year.

Speaker 2 A lot of extraordinary gentlemen. We have the Stool Streams Jingle League nominated.
Oh, League of the Year. Who put that one in there? I don't know.
I think that is a fan favorite, right, Hank? Yep.

Speaker 2 I think it got voted in. It got voted in.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Second nominee is the Kentucky Handball League. Third nominee.

Speaker 2 Which we heard on our Kentucky sports radio where a guy called in, and I don't even know if it can be considered a league, but they have an Instagram page, so fuck it.

Speaker 2 Well, and they have a rivalry against Columbus, too. That's right.
That's right. Also nominated is the Kentucky, or excuse me, the La Crosse League.
The Premier La Crosse League is nominated.

Speaker 2 That's barely a league. Barely a league.
We are investors in it, full disclosure. The last nominee is the Super League.
Super League. Remember it? That really had a moment this year.
Yes.

Speaker 2 The Super League, that Monday, that Sunday night, intense.

Speaker 2 I honestly kind of missed the idea of the Super League. Again, it's bad.
We understand football is a sport. Everything else is a business.

Speaker 2 But Super League would have been sick. Low-key.
Imagine Man City against Barcelona on a Wednesday. Like twice a year.
On a Wednesday.

Speaker 2 Beautiful. That's just a great idea for me.
Yeah, it's just a great idea. So

Speaker 2 we have a special guest presenter. Jake, you want to play?

Speaker 2 Hi, this is Joe Castiglione here to present the Takey Award for League of the Year.

Speaker 2 And the winner is the Super League. Congratulations, soccer fans.
You did it. Oh,

Speaker 2 that was Bubba's. Legend.
Bubba got to put that in. Who's Joe Castiglione? The Red Sox announcer.

Speaker 2 That actually is a perfect voice for the League of the Year. Jake, you got to study that voice and learn everything from it.
You got it. Who's your favorite voice right now in the biz?

Speaker 2 They're all great. No, no.

Speaker 2 Marv Valbert. Come on.
Best voice. He's not in the biz anymore.
Best

Speaker 2 in the league. I don't know.
There's a lot. God damn it.
Noah Eagle. He's a good friend of mine.
Okay. Worst voice in the league.
I don't know. That one's easy.
What's that fucking guy's name?

Speaker 2 Cicelyano?

Speaker 2 Fuck him. Alright.

Speaker 2 Wait, what about Tom Brinneman? Yeah. He's back in the biz.
Unless you're okay with everything he said. Disavow.
Okay.

Speaker 2 All right. Next up, great.
League of the year.

Speaker 2 The

Speaker 2 Super League. I mean, it's super.
It's an incredible name for a league. It really is.
Someone needs to. I mean, the SEC probably should just beat the Super League.
Yes, that's what they've done. Yes.

Speaker 2 All right. Next up, we got Alpha of the Year.
This is

Speaker 2 a... Great category this year.
We have the favorite, the not that guy guy. So put that in.

Speaker 8 If you could take this.

Speaker 8 You're not that guy, pal. Trust me.
You're not that guy. Okay.

Speaker 8 Are you? Absolutely. You're going to get arrested for this? Arrested for doing what? Just like a pimple on the left.
Somebody says something and you don't like it.

Speaker 8 And you don't like it, right? Is that what it is?

Speaker 8 You little pimp.

Speaker 2 Not that guy guy. I've watched the whole clip.
He was ready to beat the fuck out of that guy. His posture was impeccable for an old guy.

Speaker 2 Yes. So I don't know.
Like, he's got some stiff competition this year, but as a newcomer in the field of being an alpha on the internet, that's a strong showing from the Not That Guy guy. Yes.

Speaker 2 We have Wiley Coyote for basically winning LeBron James Space Jam 2. Put the team on his back.
He did. He scored 300 points in that third quarter.

Speaker 2 And then finally, we have our beloved Jake Marsh for his best in the office speech. Drum roll.

Speaker 2 I was actually supposed to get, I reached out to Mark Miller, the Bills fan, the Dallas is going down guy. He did not get back to us.
So he was going to present it, but drum roll, please.

Speaker 2 Billy, drum roll.

Speaker 2 And the winner is

Speaker 2 the best in the office, Jake Marsh. Jake Marsh.
Please give us a speech. Really means a lot.
I wouldn't have the opportunity to have this unless you guys gave me the platform. So it's a team award.

Speaker 2 It's not just about me.

Speaker 2 Wait, are you thanking Hank

Speaker 2 for being so bad at ping pong? No, Hank's not bad at ping pong. But if you hadn't beat him, then you would never have gotten this award.
It's true. Yeah.
Did you know?

Speaker 2 I mean, obviously the answer is probably yes, but did you know you were an alpha before that moment? Like, did you...

Speaker 2 Did you know? I was just playing the game, and sometimes the emotions come out. This answer is alpha, yeah.
You try to win. But, like,

Speaker 2 your career has forever changed from that moment. You are the alpha guy.

Speaker 2 We'll see. What would you say was more of an alpha move? Doing the, I'm the best in the office, I'm the best one here, or the step over actually that question's for hank

Speaker 2 the step over was was

Speaker 2 really more disrespectful really yeah yeah no i agree wow

Speaker 2 best in the office is just like a initial emotions like you're just relieved to win the game that happens but the step over was just completely unnecessary yeah totally totally

Speaker 2 alpha yeah that was that was there's no other word for it no it really isn't i was trying to help him up a great a great uh he wasn't injured.

Speaker 2 A great year for our alpha of the year. Good job, Jake.
Good job, Jake. Yeah.

Speaker 2 This next award, it's one that we've done every single year on part of my take with the takesies. It's a very sacred award, and we've got a great cast of nominees.
It is the Lib of the Year Award.

Speaker 2 Lib of the Year Award. The nominees are Chris Long.
Has he won it? How many times? I think Chris has won it three times. Okay.

Speaker 2 To the point where when they bring out the mops at a basketball game that say Libman on them, people people always take pictures and they're like, oh, shit, I know that Chris Long is at Madison Square Gardens.

Speaker 2 He is a world-famous Libman. Libman.

Speaker 2 So Chris Long is nominated again. He's almost like the Meryl Streep.
It really wouldn't be a category if it didn't have Chris Long in it. That's true.
The second nominee is Billy Football

Speaker 2 for graduating from a liberal arts college this year. And for getting the vaccine.
And for getting the vaccine. And for getting vaccinated.
Huge lib move.

Speaker 2 Also nominated.

Speaker 2 Such a lib move that Billy's actually actually told us that we have to mention that he got the vaccine because he doesn't want people to think he's an anti-he got Johnson and Johnson. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Also nominated is Cole Beasley. Cole Beasley nominated for Lib of the Year award for refusing to take the Trump vaccine.

Speaker 2 Also nominated Dan Woken, just an outstanding year in the field of liberalism. He still thinks we shouldn't be playing sports.

Speaker 2 Yeah, no, he thinks that sports, he doesn't think that sports should ever exist.

Speaker 2 He thinks that balls, every ball should be deflated in America until such time that Dan Woken Woken personally approves of it.

Speaker 2 And then Dr. Anthony Fauci, nominated for Lib of the Year.
Created coronavirus. He invented it in a lab.

Speaker 2 He's actually from Wuhan. And if you don't get to listen to the whole show, it's probably because the rest of it was taken down after this.

Speaker 2 We can definitely not put this up as a clip on Twitter or Instagram.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 2 Do we have, we do not have a guest. Wait, Jake.

Speaker 2 I think Jake has a guy. Jake left.
Where'd he go? He got to Alpha just. He won Alpha of the Year and he walked walked right out.
He wouldn't say a word. He went to go eat Billy's chicken.

Speaker 2 What the fuck? Wait.

Speaker 2 What was that? How did he go?

Speaker 2 Seriously, that was the most alpha thing he's ever done. All right, I'll do an ad real quick before we get to.
Yeah, everyone wants to know who won Lib of the Year.

Speaker 2 That's insane that he just did that to us. All right.
By the time Jake gets back, hopefully, we will have the answer to Lib of the Year.

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Speaker 1 So get out there and make your Irish entrance. Anything else just wouldn't be proper.

Speaker 2 Okay, Jake is back. We stopped the show for you.
You won the Alpha of the Year, then you just walked off. That was unnecessary to stop for me.
Well, we didn't know if we had a presenting.

Speaker 2 No, I timed it perfectly. Oh, okay.
Yeah. For what?

Speaker 2 Not having anyone

Speaker 2 else to make sure there were no pauses. Got it.
Presenters. Got it.
Yeah. So, no presenter for Alpha of the Year.
No.

Speaker 2 What did did you? Huh? What do you mean?

Speaker 2 We did Alpha. Next one's Lil.
I'm sorry, Lib, sorry, Lib of the Year. My bad.
My bad.

Speaker 2 God, I kept saying Alpha, Alpha, Alpha, because you walked up, you stood up, you won an award, you stood up, and you left. And then he came back and told us that he timed everything perfectly.

Speaker 2 Perfectly. And I remember what timed.
That was a Jedi mind trick. He was like, I don't know where he was.
He was like, no, everything was perfect. Yeah.

Speaker 2 We actually had a decline request. That's right.
Lib of the year was declined by ass gun girl, Caitlin Bennett to do Glib of the Year. She declined.
Then I think I just said get a Trump impersonator.

Speaker 2 So we don't have Lib of the Year, but who won Lib of the Year, Jake? I forget who even won Lib of the Year. Congratulations to

Speaker 2 Billy. Billy.
Billy won Lib of the Year. Billy's cleaning up.
Billy is cleaning up. Incredible.
Billy, Lib of the Year. That's right.
I forgot you won this.

Speaker 2 So you graduated college, liberal arts school, and you got the the vaccine. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So basically,

Speaker 2 oh, and you quit a job. Yeah.
I didn't quit a job. Yeah, you did for a little bit, for like a month and a half.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Thank you for the opportunity to be liberal in the original sense of the word.
Yes, yes. Freedom.
Okay. So what do you accept your award?

Speaker 2 Bib guy.

Speaker 2 Do I have do I can I not accept it? No, no, no, you have to accept it. It's participating.
Actually, that would make him super liberal.

Speaker 2 I won't accept this award until everyone who's had a hardship in life gets an award. I shared the award with Chris Long last year, so what I might do is I might give him this one.
Okay, nice.

Speaker 2 I like that. That's great.
Also, this year, you beat up a Cuban person who hates castros.

Speaker 2 Is that why you blocked Chris Long? Because you were trying to beat him in Lib of the Year Company. I never blocked Chris Long.
Oh, I forgot you did that.

Speaker 2 You got so triggered online, another liberal thing. Yeah, he made a safe space.
Yeah, that you had to to make a safe space so that your snowflake wouldn't keep melting.

Speaker 2 Also, wasn't it the lib cuck of the year when we originally might have been the lib cuck of the year? Yeah, it could have been. I think cuck of the year is actually a different category from liberal.

Speaker 2 Separated it. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Not all libs are.

Speaker 2 Wait, not

Speaker 2 all cucks are libs, but all libs are cucks. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. So good job.
Good job, Billy. Congratulations.

Speaker 2 Proud of you.

Speaker 2 When we sponsored AOC as our first NIL athlete, Billy was like, oh my God, dream come true. Goals.
That's what he said. He said on the text.
He was like, can I drink her bath water?

Speaker 2 Girl boss. All right.

Speaker 2 You should have done girl boss of the year. Oh, fuck.
Billy, you won that one too. No, Hank won that one.
No, Hank, Hank.

Speaker 2 I think I now have the most takeies out of anyone in history.

Speaker 2 You're cleaning up today. You're cleaning up today.
All right. Next up,

Speaker 2 PFT, right? No. That's you.
It's me. I'm all lost.

Speaker 2 I can't stress this enough. Jake just alphed my brain so hard by getting up and just changing everything.
I still don't know what he was doing. I don't either.
Incredible. Did you have to poop, Jake?

Speaker 2 No, I had to pee really badly.

Speaker 2 All right. Thirst Trap of the Year.
Big award. A lot of people up there for Thirst Trap of the Year.
We'll start with us, everyone in this room.

Speaker 2 We get Thirst Trap of the Year for the post of us playing Demi at Stu Finer's Pool. I think women are still masturbating to that today.

Speaker 2 Next up, we have Jeffrey Toobin.

Speaker 2 It must not be that good of a picture if they're still masturbating. Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 2 They're still trying to get off. You just keep looking at my fucking belly that's just overlapping.

Speaker 2 My belly looks like it's choking my bathing suit. Listen, I think we all look good.
We looked like real men should look. Yeah.
Not like these fancy guys that work out and eat correctly.

Speaker 2 This is what real guys look like. Yes.
Yes. Perfect body.
All right. We have Ryan Rossillo for the jumper that doesn't make any sense, where he's floating in the air, getting his shots up.

Speaker 2 Big cat, he was unloading some pictures from his camera. That's true.
That's a photo dump for people in the world. Jeffrey Toobin is nominated.

Speaker 2 We already talked about him, but his thirst trap where he's masturbated on a Zoom call. And then our good friend Paul Rabel for giving the game ball after a win, which doesn't happen often.

Speaker 2 It's a little PLL joke for people out there. Aren't the Cannons the worst team in the league?

Speaker 2 They're fighting for their lives. Colorado Springs is

Speaker 2 giving away the game ball in his underwear while everyone else had their shorts on and most had shirts on. It was very uncomfortable to watch.

Speaker 2 I didn't write down who won this, so let's decide it right now. I mean, I think it's got to go to Paul Rabel.
Who's the most likely to retweet it? Paul Rabel. No, it might not.

Speaker 2 Yeah, well, Paul Rabel, if he wins, it might not be brand-friendly enough. Oh,

Speaker 2 should we give it a tie? A tie to Rascillo and Rabel and see

Speaker 2 what first reweat

Speaker 2 wins. The picture of themselves.
Yeah. Yeah.
Okay, so we'll do a quote card with Paul Rabel and Ryan Rossillo, and it will say in fine print, first retweet gets the actual award. Yeah, I like that.

Speaker 2 Okay, so Thirst Trap of the Year award is still to be determined. It's just shocking that Julian Edelman was not nominated.
Yeah, I know. He put a shirt on.
Yeah. Yes.

Speaker 2 He retired from having topless pictures.

Speaker 2 This is taky history, folks. We just didn't give an award away, and instead

Speaker 2 you're making it a competition. I think we kind of did because only the true Thirst Trapper of the Y would want more people to see that original Thirst Trapper.
Yeah, that's true. That's true.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Good award.

Speaker 2 The 12th award of the evening is going to the category of premature celebration. A lot of good nominees this year.

Speaker 2 First nominee is every Steelers fan when they were 11-0. Yep.
Maybe the worst 11-0 team in any sport of all time. Yes.
But they were sure letting us know about it at that point.

Speaker 2 Also nominated is Ryan Rossillo

Speaker 2 for adopting Chris Paul and making Chris Paul his son in, what, the second round of the playoffs, just before Chris Paul fell off the face of the earth?

Speaker 2 It was after, it was to his credit, it was after they won the Western Conference final.

Speaker 2 And I'll give him a little bit of credit that he has thrown out there that he thinks game four of the finals will probably hurt him more than it hurts Chris Paul, like mentally.

Speaker 2 So he's at least least taking some ownership, but yeah, that was, he was looking for his victory lap on Chris Paul. I think Chris Paul cares more than everyone else.
Now, will Ryan.

Speaker 2 I'll accept in game four. Will Ryan change his tune when it eventually comes out that Chris Paul was dealing with like a wrist injury?

Speaker 2 Now, is he going to be like,

Speaker 2 I was right about Chris Paul, but I didn't know he was hurt. Yeah, we will see.
Yeah, so

Speaker 2 the winner of Premature Celebration of the Year goes to the Sons and Four guys. Oh, man.
Because he had a moment. Yeah, thank you, Billy.
Yes. He had a moment.

Speaker 2 He became a public figure, and as quickly as he came on the scene, he left. And he came on the scene

Speaker 2 in a ball of fury. Yes.
He announced his presence by beating up that Nuggets guy.

Speaker 2 It's over. And it's over.
It's over. And it's over.
It's a nice guy. We had him on the show.
We did a t-shirt with him. Wishing him the best of luck.
Sons and Four is over.

Speaker 2 It's never coming back.

Speaker 2 So it was not. What a whirlwind.
He had a moment. He'll always, you know what? He'll always be able to be like, hey, I'm the Sons and Four guy.

Speaker 2 Credit to Sons and Four guy as well, because I saw on his Instagram when the Sons were down 3-2, he was playing chess while everyone else was playing checkers.

Speaker 2 He was doing some charity work, giving meals to homeless before they actually lost the NBA Finals. He was getting ahead of it.
So I appreciate the, you know...

Speaker 2 ability to see the whole court. And if you go back long enough in his history, especially on Instagram, you can see he's going to be just fine.
He's He's like a big outdoors guy.

Speaker 2 Probably didn't watch too many live sports. Just looked like he hung out on big rocks and went hiking a lot.
So I think he's got a good mindset to move on. Yes.
All right.

Speaker 2 So great award, great award to Sons and Four guy. He will definitely retweet this.
Absolutely. He's got nothing else left.

Speaker 2 All right. Next up, we have the Bonk of the Year Award.

Speaker 2 Big year in Bonks.

Speaker 2 The nominees, Jeffrey Toobin, is still nominated.

Speaker 2 Is he not going to win an award? This is going to be sad if he goes home. Always a bridesmaid, never a bride.
He's being nominated for everything.

Speaker 2 PFT is nominated. PFT had an especially horny year.
I think it started with the Miley Cyrus, and it kind of was like a four-week, four-month stretch where it's like, hey, dude, just jerk off.

Speaker 2 It's snowballed from that. I don't jack off.

Speaker 2 When you age negative eight years, you got a new sense of

Speaker 2 energy and horniness. It was like Frank Thomas's testosterone pills.
Yeah, I felt like I was back in my mid-20s again. Yeah.
Just.

Speaker 2 And the ladies don't complain either. All roads lead back to a sex joke.
That's okay. Uh, all right, and then lastly, Darren Revell for his search for a random woman that he knew from

Speaker 2 what it was like a country club. So here's the quote: Yeah.

Speaker 2 I was three. I always loved girls.
Never thought they were disgusting. This was my friend Leslie at Woodmont Country Club in

Speaker 2 Tamarick, Florida. I need help finding her to catch up.
Guessing she's 45 now.

Speaker 2 Well, guess what? The Bonk of the Year Award goes to, let's have a, we have someone introducing it. Okay.

Speaker 2 Hey, this is

Speaker 2 pardon my take. This is a book by Jake Marsh, and it's about Darren.
And I'll tell you, I'm, by the way, I'm buddy and Jimmy's dad, Jim Bayheim. That's kind of wild.

Speaker 2 Although they're starting to make money, more money than I'm making. Well, let's hope not.

Speaker 2 But I'm here anyway to present how what I'm presenting the award for Bonk of the Year. That's interesting.
To the one and only Darren Rovell. And I hope you find Leslie.

Speaker 2 Now, that's quite a that's quite a different thing there. I don't know what exactly that all means, but I want you to...

Speaker 2 Try to do whatever they say and hopefully you're a good fan of ours and we're going to have a great year. We had a good finish to last year.

Speaker 2 We've replaced some forwards, 6765 forwards with two six three six nine forwards. So we're bigger.
Got the guards back. We got Jesse at center starting to really get there and of course Baram is back.

Speaker 2 So got a good team. Should be fun.
A lot of guys that can shoot. And we'll see how it goes.
But this is from Jake. And hopefully, Darren, things are good for you.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 All roads lead back to what his basketball team looks like.

Speaker 2 That was incredible. Who got that one? I got that one.
Okay, that was incredible. Holy shit.

Speaker 2 Jim Boheim first saying the it's wild, then just being so confused on why he was, what bonk meant, what Darren Revelle looking for. And what was the exact quote? He's like, oh, that's kind of weird.

Speaker 2 And then just giving us the entire scouting report of Syracuse Orange Man. I love that, that, though.
That's a basketball mind right there.

Speaker 2 All roads do lead back to him diagnosing, okay, what are some things that we've upgraded in the zone for this year? Yes. I was three.
I always loved girls. Never thought they were disgusting.

Speaker 2 What a fucking weirdo. Leslie from the pool.
Leslie from the pool. I hope Leslie found out that Darren was trying to find her because she should have taken some protective measures at that point.
Yes.

Speaker 2 Like restraining order. And listen,

Speaker 2 I don't know what state he was in when he tweeted that, but it was horny. Because you can't be like,

Speaker 2 this chick I knew, I want to find out about her and maybe see her Instagram.

Speaker 2 For all the shit. He's trying to update his Spank Bank.
Yeah, right.

Speaker 2 For all the shit that I get for making horny jokes sometimes, Ravel is actually the king of commenting eyeballs on an actual horny picture. Yes.
Sometimes of like an 18-year-old girl.

Speaker 2 He does it all the time. Ravel Spank Bank is just any girl that's ever laughed at any of his jokes.
And then the Jim Kramer show. And then the Jim Kramer show, yes.
Jim Boheim, what a fucking

Speaker 2 legend. Great to.
Is that. Only at the Takies.
Only at the Takies. Now, we know Buddy and Jim Jr., Jimmy Jr.

Speaker 2 are fans of this show. Yep.
So I won't say. No.

Speaker 2 And the next guy. No, I wasn't going to say what you thought of this.
You guys should invite them as... PAP athletes.
Yes, they should actually be on the show. We should have them.

Speaker 2 We should interview them. I was actually going to say, is it a bad sign for Syracuse that he's on cameo?

Speaker 2 Coach K is not on cameo.

Speaker 2 I don't know.

Speaker 2 Whatever. We'll move on.
You know what I think it is? Because he did allude to this. He goes,

Speaker 2 Buddy and Jimmy are going to be making more money than I will sometime soon.

Speaker 2 Let's hope not. He's already, he's thinking the name of his likeness.
He's like, wait a second. I can get a cut of this NIL thing.
Okay, go to Syracuse because then you can do that. There we go.

Speaker 2 That's the good spin zone. Okay.
You want to do an ad before we do the next one? Yeah, before we get into the next Takey Award.

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Speaker 2 Okay, next up. Next up, we have Canadian of the Year.
Sorry about that, big cat. That's okay.
It's a stack category. We've got three great nominees for Canadian of the Year.
First nominee is Biz.

Speaker 2 Paul Bissinette. Paul Mistinette, excuse me.
We missed those commercials, actually.

Speaker 2 I would love to see Paul Mistinette back on my TV every fucking five seconds during hockey. The second nominee is the Montreal Canadiens for Canadian of the Year.

Speaker 2 They put together a nice little run in the playoffs. They did? Almost took home the cup.
And then the third nominee for Canadian of the year is Lou Dort. Ooh, my man.
Lou Dort to Dortmeister.

Speaker 2 The winner is.

Speaker 2 It's Lou Dort. It's Lou Dort.
Lou Dort won his first takeie of the year.

Speaker 2 Billy, crap, man. For Lou Dort.

Speaker 2 Dude, the Dorture Chamber. Give it up, Billy.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I fucking love Lou Dort. Billy, you give a.
I want you to give an acceptance speech on behalf of Lou Dort.

Speaker 2 Thank you for accepting the award. Wait.
No? Okay, he nailed it. He got it.
He crushed that. All right.
Next up, we got worst take of the year. Worst take of the year.
So, worst take of the year.

Speaker 2 We have a few very good nominees. We'll start with Nick Young in September 2020.
Said, Greek freak. Greek freak gone.
Ain't nobody raising no family in Milwaukee.

Speaker 2 This was obviously after they got bounced bounced from the playoffs. Everyone said, oh, you know, Giannis is going to demand a trade.
That didn't work out so well.

Speaker 2 The next nominee is Barstool Sports for tweeting a picture of Tom Brady 9.13, September 13th, 2020, saying, I've made a terrible mistake. What happened? The Bucs went and won the Super Bowl.

Speaker 2 Wasn't really a mistake.

Speaker 2 I have finally been nominated for an award for my diagnosis of Drew Brees' shoulder injury. And then he went on to have every single one of his ribs broken just to run up the score.

Speaker 2 I think it was 14 ribs. It was 35 ribs.
Yes. He just broke another one.
It was an impressive amount of ribs.

Speaker 2 More, I learned more about anatomy in Drew Brees having his ribs break every other day than I did in any class I ever took.

Speaker 2 Next one is Lewis Riddick predicts an absolutely fantastic, monstrous year

Speaker 2 for

Speaker 2 Dwayne Haskins in 2020. I guess it was monstrous.
It was. In a way.
It was. And it was fantastic at times.
It was. I mean, it was fantastic for us.
Yeah, it was fantastic for us.

Speaker 2 And if that didn't happen,

Speaker 2 then he would not have been benched, and then the Washington football team would not have won the NFC Beast. Yeah, that's true.
So great job, Dwayne. There we go.
Butterfly effect.

Speaker 2 And then last up, we had Emmanuel Acho for his take about what was it? What was the Shakari Richardson? Shakari Richardson

Speaker 2 obviously didn't get to the Olympics because of a weed test. And Emmanuel Acho, in all earnest, like, this is exactly how he thinks.
I thought that he was punking us. I thought he was trolling us.

Speaker 2 Tweeted, legalizing weed and track and field competition is all good if you're running in a straight line.

Speaker 2 Legalizing weed and track and field competition is terribly dangerous if you throw the javelin. Where do we draw the line?

Speaker 2 We draw the line on people who've never smoked weed trying to talk about it. Or, I guess, haven't hung around anyone that smoked weed.
Yes, yes, yes. He's like never been in a room as Billy.
No.

Speaker 2 Just listen to this show once. All right, winner is.
I also didn't write down a winner for this. This is great.
I think it's a manual action. I think it's got to be.
It's got to be a manual outchoke.

Speaker 2 This is actually great because we're now doing the takies and voting on the takies

Speaker 2 for the people to see. I mean, who else could it be? It has to be

Speaker 2 Emmanuel Acho. It has to be.
It might be recency bias, but guess what? We smoke weed. We have a short-term memory.
So we're going with Emmanuel in a lot of time. Exactly, exactly.

Speaker 2 Shout out to Old Takes Exposed. Yes, Old Takes Exposed for helping us out.
He always helps us out every year with the takeies. We appreciate him, even though.

Speaker 2 Actually, I think I've beaten him because he gets all my tweets get tagged in it.

Speaker 2 And he's just like, well, he's joking. And half the time I'm being serious.
So I think I've beaten Old Takes Exposed. We've blurred the line enough.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Where it's like, I don't know if this, I'm going to get roasted for an old takes if I try to old takes Big Cat on this one. Right.

Speaker 2 He's, he, every single time, it's just like, oh, that's just Big Cat making a joke or trying to jinx one of his bets, which actually is a good bet by him. But yeah, I've beaten him.

Speaker 2 The 16th award of this year's Takeies is for Trend of the Year. Trend of the Year.

Speaker 2 A lot of hot trends this year, a lot of stuff that we're keeping our eyes on as a podcast, staying on the bleeding edge of all the stuff the kids are doing and saying and wearing.

Speaker 2 We're probably the hippest podcast in the world, so the nominees for trend of the year are Cap,

Speaker 2 saying that's Cap.

Speaker 2 brought to you by it went away for a little bit but then cap came back with a vengeance this year short shorts is nominated yeah trend of the year five inch inseams right hank fuck those also short shorts on girls where they wear the t-shirt that just way oversized covers everything up i wish i could do that i think those um the the shorts that say just like cheer across the back yeah i think those are coming back yeah that's my i'm shooting my shot for next year uh also not well no i've been saying that for the last like five years yeah I'm just saying it's a lot of fun.

Speaker 2 It's always a thought whenever you saw that. Yeah.
That it's horny? Yeah.

Speaker 2 I just like reading, Hank. Yeah.
You're just like, you know what I want to see? I want to see a bunch of chicks wear something on their ass that I can read. I like words.
Yeah, they should put it.

Speaker 2 And if someone says something to me, I can be like, no, it's just reading. Yeah, they should put novels on the back.
That's the bonkiest.

Speaker 2 Everyone gets smarter.

Speaker 2 Also, nominated for Trend of the Year. Getting vaccinated.
Getting vaccinated and then

Speaker 2 not posting about it on social media. Yep.
Also, shout out, Billy. Another trend of the year that's nominated this year is Bing Choogie.

Speaker 2 Chugi took the world by storm this year when some chick made a TikTok about it, and then another chick wrote about it in the New York Times. Yep.
And then now it's massive and everyone's saying it.

Speaker 2 Yes. So the winner of Trend of the Year

Speaker 2 is Bing Chugi.

Speaker 2 No, that's cap. That's cap.
That's cap. What? I just capped.
Holy. It's not it.
It's not Chugi. It's being, it's capping.
Cap is the trend of the year. No cap.
All right. What a twist.

Speaker 2 Congratulations. Unbelievable run for Cap.
You willed it to victory. Listen, Cap.
You brought it across the finish line. Cap came back big time.

Speaker 2 And I think, did I start bringing Cap back because you guys were accusing me of being horny? No, you just brought it back because I think you... Well, you didn't bring it back.

Speaker 2 You tried. Yeah, you discovered it, and then you tried to be like...

Speaker 2 You played it off as like, no, I knew, and then you tried to bring it back. No, I didn't.
And you beat us down with it. Now it's back.

Speaker 2 No, I did know that it was a thing, and then we stopped talking about it, and then Cap came back.

Speaker 2 I was in the middle of spin zoning against something else, which is why I brought Cap back. But I'm having a hard time.

Speaker 2 I think I was being horny. It might have been.
It might have. I mean, it's either horny or being Cap.
Those are the two states of PFT.

Speaker 2 All right. Next up, we have Monday Reading of the Year.

Speaker 2 The Monday Reading of the Year, the nominees are, we have the Waffle House reading, the Waffle House fight reading, we have the Chugi article that PFT just mentioned from the New York Times.

Speaker 2 We have the Disney Immersion Monday reading. And guess what? You know what we're going to do? We're just going to put it in the show.
We're going to put the Monday reading, the winner in the show.

Speaker 2 So here it is.

Speaker 2 So we have this post

Speaker 2 called, My Boyfriend. Keeps Getting Into Fights with a Cook at Waffle House.
Here's how it starts.

Speaker 2 I know this sounds really weird, but here it is. My boyfriend and I have been together for three years.
We met and started dating when we were both in graduate school.

Speaker 2 That's actually a good note to have there.

Speaker 2 They have advanced past bachelor's degree. But I dropped out to go back to college.

Speaker 2 I dropped out to go back to college to pursue a different career. We are both finished now and live together making a fairly nice combined income.

Speaker 2 Our income is relevant because we could afford to eat somewhere nice when we're out and about, but he always wants breakfast food.

Speaker 2 Okay, real quick, first of all, let's not shame people that eat a Waffle House because if you're a millionaire, you should still be going to Waffle House on a regular basis. It is the best night food.

Speaker 2 It's the best breakfast food. It's drunk food.
It's great. Waffle House.

Speaker 2 Waffle House is one of America's finest institutions.

Speaker 2 Gucci goes on to say, when he was a child, his dad couldn't stand eating breakfast type food in the afternoon or evening, so his mom would make him waffles/slash pancakes, eggs, and bacon in the evening whenever his dad was busy or out of town.

Speaker 2 It's a wonderful and safe memory for him. And when he goes to his happy place, he says that's where he always goes.

Speaker 2 I like this memory because it's basically the grown-up version of when you're eight years old and you say, when I'm an adult, I'm going to eat candy for dinner.

Speaker 2 And then I, spoiler alert, I actually have done that many times. It is kind of a weird move, though, for a dad to say, we don't eat breakfast food at dinner time.
He's just a rules guy.

Speaker 2 That's kind of bizarre to me.

Speaker 2 I don't like that. One time I was at a grocery store.
and there's a person that was behind me in line. I was buying stuff to make breakfast for dinner, and the guy was like,

Speaker 2 Are you making breakfast? And I was like, Yeah. He goes,

Speaker 2 My wife won't let me eat breakfast for dinner. Damn.
I felt so bad for the guy. That is really sad.
That is really sad.

Speaker 2 All right, my boyfriend is an incredibly nice and caring person.

Speaker 2 I love these

Speaker 2 long diatribes where they just try to set up, like, no, guys, he's actually totally normal, and then drop the hammer. Like, my boyfriend is the sweetest, nicest person ever.

Speaker 2 Occasionally he likes to fuck his mom in front of me, but I love him otherwise.

Speaker 2 I'm in the best relationship of my life. My boyfriend sometimes likes to bring guns out in the bedroom.
Yes. But I figure we've all got our kinks.

Speaker 2 My boyfriend is so in tune with my feelings, but every now and then he fakes like he's going to push me in front of oncoming traffic. I'm afraid he's going to kill me.

Speaker 2 Listen, I've got such a great boyfriend. We're in the best relationship of all time.
It's something I could only have dreamt dreamt about when I was a little girl.

Speaker 2 He owns this island called Little St. James, and he goes there a lot with some of his friends.

Speaker 2 And he makes good money, so we're doing pretty well. We have a beautiful house in Manhattan.
Okay, so back to the story. He loves animals and is kind.

Speaker 2 This is really, she's doing the checklist of like, he's not a sociopath. He loves animals and is kind and gentle with every bug, bird, and pet that he comes across.

Speaker 2 Dude, you don't have to be gentle with every bug. Yeah, with a bug? Like a spider? I'm going to smash that spider.
A murder hornet? Gonna fuck it up.

Speaker 2 He's almost always willing to turn the other cheek in social situations where somebody tries to insult him or get aggressive towards him and usually winds up diffusing the situation and having a productive discussion about whatever the issue was.

Speaker 2 Except at Waffle House. By the way.
At last point, you don't get points for being an adult that doesn't get into fights. It sounds like he doesn't get into fights a lot.
Right.

Speaker 2 Like this is a common occurrence for him where he should get into a fight, where most people get into a fight that he calmly talks his way out of.

Speaker 2 Unfortunately, that's not like you don't get to walk around like a Boy Scout with being like, see this badge? Someone took my parking spot at Whole Foods. I didn't fight him.
Uh-huh.

Speaker 2 That's not how it works. My boyfriend fights using logic and reason.

Speaker 2 He likes to use his words and diffuse everything. Okay.

Speaker 2 Anytime we're out, he wants to go to the same goddamn waffle house and get breakfast food. I'm not a big eater, so I used to not really care.

Speaker 2 I would just drink coffee and read my book while he enjoyed his food, which is an awesome visual. Just like, honey, let me get my happy place.

Speaker 2 But that became impossible once he and this one cook started chirping at each other every time we went there.

Speaker 2 Boyfriend complained about his eggs one time because he likes them a little runny and they were served hard. The cook responded by giving him scrambled eggs.
That's hilarious.

Speaker 2 When he brought it up again, the cook served him two hard-boiled eggs. Funny and funny.
Very funny. I think it was just part of the cook's shtick, which who doesn't know a cook with a shtick?

Speaker 2 You got to have one. If you're a short-order cook,

Speaker 2 you know what? That's a feature, not a bug for that Waffle House, because that's the funny cook that fucks up your order and tells you.

Speaker 2 If you go to Waffle House and you expect to have your order 100% correct every single time, you, my friend, are not understanding the true charm of going to Waffle House.

Speaker 2 It's like, I want breakfast food. They serve you a breakfast food, and then you.
Kind of. Yes.
It's kind of. Maybe.
The cook responded by giving him scrubbed legs.

Speaker 2 When he brought it up again, the cook served him two hard-boiled eggs. I think it was just part of the cook's shtick, and it was kind of funny, to be honest.

Speaker 2 But my boyfriend wasn't able to laugh it off. When we left, he was in kind of a bad mood, but we didn't really talk about it.

Speaker 2 The next week, we're out getting some shopping done, and he wanted to go to Waffle House again.

Speaker 2 I suggested that we try out a different place, or at least a different Waffle House location, but he only wanted the same Waffle House, which, if you've been in the South, there's a Waffle House every other block.

Speaker 2 And they look identical on the the inside.

Speaker 2 That's the entire point of waffle. It's just a food station.
It's like being like, I want to go to this McDonald's and not that McDonald's.

Speaker 2 We went in and sat down, and once again, the same cook served his eggs wrong. My boyfriend sort of snapped at him that he wasn't interested in messing around and just wanted the correct eggs.

Speaker 2 The cook then served him a piece of toast with a hole cut out in the middle with a fried egg in it. That sounds delicious, by the way.
Toad in the hole, yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 My boyfriend got really mad and threw the egg toast at the cook, which made the cook come around from behind the bar and throw it back at him.

Speaker 2 They ended up sort of wrestling, fighting until my boyfriend was like, This is bullshit, and walked out. Nobody got hurt, but the few other people in there were watching and laughing a bit.

Speaker 2 Well, here's the thing: you don't want to get into it with a Waffle House cook because Waffle House cooks know how to handle themselves.

Speaker 2 Most of their clientele is drunk, they're belligerent, it's late at night. You have to be able to fight if you're going to be.
It's like the most dangerous, the most,

Speaker 2 I would say, the most most aggressive,

Speaker 2 like self-defense capable jobs in America. I would put Waffle House right up there with like Blackwater employees.

Speaker 2 Someone replied, the first reply to this tweet was, I went to a job interview for Waffle House and one of the questions was, can you fight? Yeah, it has to be.

Speaker 2 I mean, have you been to a Waffle House at 2 o'clock in the morning? Can you handle yourself?

Speaker 2 You remember that story in the news like a year ago about a Waffle House cook that took somebody's AK-47 away from him?

Speaker 2 They disarmed a dude with an AR-15? Very dangerous in it. That's day one training if you're a Waffle House cook.
All right, so back to the story. This is the crazy part.

Speaker 2 My boyfriend keeps going back and ordering eggs and getting into fistfights with the same cook. It's almost a ritual at this point.
My boyfriend orders runny eggs.

Speaker 2 The cook serves him some other version of eggs and then they beat the shit out of each other.

Speaker 2 I quit going with him after the second fight, but he kept going by himself. They're like Peter and the giant chicken from Family Guy.

Speaker 2 guy it's the weirdest thing they physically fought like six or seven times over this i think they're actually friends yeah oh they are this is just guys horsing around yes this has become a friendship they would if they weren't actually friends he would not be allowed inside the waffle house anymore if you get into a fight i'm not going to say if you get into a fight at a waffle house you're never welcome back because they would have no clients if you get into a fight with the same person more than four times in a waffle house, then at some point they'll be like, hey, can you just come back when he's not working?

Speaker 2 This is sport. They're like, they basically, they probably text each other beforehand.
You're like, you want to brawl today? You want to go? Yeah. Yeah, you want to go, buddy?

Speaker 2 I've tried to talk to him about it a few times, but he keeps saying it's a matter of principle. I've told him to talk to the manager or something like that, but he just waves me off.

Speaker 2 Apparently, the cook hasn't yet made him the correct runny eggs, but it's like he spends the week learning new ways of preparing eggs to piss my boyfriend off. I think he does exactly that.

Speaker 2 I'm on team cook here. I want to get out in front of that.
He's just

Speaker 2 on team both their sides because he's right. It is a matter of principle.
But asking for an egg that's a little bit runny, that's a tough egg to make. Not for a cook.

Speaker 2 For anyone, I know you could do it. If you're a cook at a crowded Waffle House and you've got a million orders going on, making the perfectly runny egg is a difficult task.
So I'm on team cookie.

Speaker 2 I think it's crowded. I think this is the middle of the day when Waffle House has no one.
If that's, in fact, correct, if this guy is going for a casual lunch at Waffle House.

Speaker 2 Well, using from clues here, it's got to be a lunch or a dinner, and they were one day going out shopping and then they went to Waffle House.

Speaker 2 I i think it's just middle of the day they're just fighting waffle yeah i i don't know i don't know about that you either go to a waffle house at night for dinner or you go early in the morning for like a late late just the meal that you have at waffle house she's called waffle house they do that for breakfast lunch or dinner he said she she said he does lunch and dinner there um uh all right so then it finishes up the thing is we're getting married this summer He's accepted a job in a new city, and it'll be easy for me to find work after the wedding.

Speaker 2 So we'll be moving away from his sworn enemy, Waffle House Guy.

Speaker 2 He hasn't really been out since quarantine started, but it wouldn't surprise me if that's the first place he goes when restaurants open back up for sitting customers.

Speaker 2 But my main worry is this strange, vindictive side of him I've never seen before that leads him to fight the same guy every week.

Speaker 2 The violence itself is an issue for me, but the obsession over it almost bothers me more. Should I be worried that this side of him will come up later in our marriage?

Speaker 2 How do I get him to open up about this? Is this type of obsession a choice, or is it

Speaker 2 indicative? Indicative of something deeper. You need to cook him eggs and you need to cook him the perfect runny egg and see if he has any desire to stop going to that waffle house.

Speaker 2 Because if he decides to stop going, then it was about the eggs this whole time. If he keeps going back, it's just because they're bros and he misses.
The human body craves contact, right?

Speaker 2 So he likes getting to a fight every now and again. I honestly don't.

Speaker 2 I think this guy is actually the most well-adjusted adult I've ever heard because he seems like a great guy, but having a grudge or a point of principle that you will not let up, it's like a bulldog with a tennis ball in his mouth.

Speaker 2 Sometimes guys just have to do that, like sometimes you just have to beef silently or actually physically fight.

Speaker 2 Like I'm thinking about, I have, I have this guy who lives in my building who on July 4th, I was using the grill, the community grill, and he came up and he moved my steaks over and put his own food on there without asking me.

Speaker 2 I scowl at that motherfucker every every time I see him. I haven't said anything, but I have a grudge and I fucking hate him.
I think.

Speaker 2 And if I ever get in a point where like he lost his keys and I have a chance to let him in, I won't let him in.

Speaker 2 It's a passive grudge, but having a grudge and having a foe that you wake up in the morning, you're like, fuck that guy, it's healthy. A grudge, not so much.
A foe is very important. A rival.

Speaker 2 It's important for guys to have rivals. You are rivals against Grill Guy.
I'm rivals with DK Metcalf. Hank's rivals with the English language and I guess chocolate milk somehow.
Boners. Boners.

Speaker 2 Hank's rival. We were rivals, but

Speaker 2 good point. Hank actually declared he and his in PFT's rivalry over because PFT can't beat him.
Which, well, I beat him literally 15 minutes ago. But my, I figured you out.

Speaker 2 My defense is too good. My defense is too good.
You still can't get interaction. Wow.
That's not true. Okay, so that rivalry is over.
But yes, having a rival, you see that, I mean,

Speaker 2 we're watching the last dance right now. MJ just has rivals.
Like, fake, real, doesn't matter. Uh-huh.
Having something to drive you every single day is healthy.

Speaker 2 I do think that waffle houses are great places to get in fights. Yeah.
It seems like everyone is, you know, everyone that's at a waffle house is ready that there might be a fight at any given time.

Speaker 2 It's like a UFC crowd. All the tables have rounded corners on them.
So if you fall, you're probably not going to split your head open. It's like chess boxing.

Speaker 2 So I'm with this guy. I think he's totally, I think he's a well-educated.
I mean, maybe the actual fist fighting as an adult is a little much, but it actually doesn't sound like they're fist fighting.

Speaker 2 They're more wrestling, which is, that's just kind of,

Speaker 2 you're basically doing, it's gentlemen's fighting, no face stuff. Right.
Everyone's home for dinner. Right.
Stay away from the groin.

Speaker 2 No one has to say anything to their boss, like, what happened to your face? You're just trying to, you're just trying to wrestle each other and like feats of strength.

Speaker 2 Do you think that there's an outside chance that this guy has a pre-existing relationship with the Waffle House cook in a way that he told him, hey, I'm going to fuck with my fiancé.

Speaker 2 Let's get into a fight and have a rivalry every time I come to your restaurant.

Speaker 2 and then he just never told his fiancé he's like pulling a big prank on her well it could that that theory could make sense if he was like i love my happy place but what really bothers me is my fiancé demands coming so he found a way to go to his happy place where his fiancé refuses to go you know what happened they go in there the first time and he's like that this is as you say my happy place for me that would be a place like buffalo wild wings you go there you sit down you're guaranteed of a good time she comes along what does she do the first thing when they sit down she opens up a book she doesn't even try to enjoy waffle house disrespect and so he's like you know what i'm going to get into a fight with this guy until she leaves and demands to stop coming because i listen i'm going to get my brain smothered covered and what is it chunked diced in front of her if that's what it takes to make her stop reading a book at a waffle house yeah he pays he pays this guy off he tips him extra to be like hey let's just make sure that i can come here and he's probably getting the the best eggs every single time he probably eats his runny eggs that are perfectly cooked and then he and then he says what's up to his cook friend and he's like hey can you just uh maybe give me a noogie and and give me one solid like punch in the liver so that i can go home with a couple scratches yeah i mean i i love this relationship i love everything about it i love this guy i really do think that having a point of principle having something that you like one of those standoffs that you're like you know what today i'm not gonna give up i'm not gonna let someone push me around when was the last time you got into a fight fist fight?

Speaker 2 Well, just like a fight, grappling, fist, that sort of thing.

Speaker 2 December 15th. There it is.
December 15th. There you go, channel.
Not since college, I don't think. I'm trying to think.
I don't think since college. What about you, Hank? December 15th.

Speaker 2 Besides that, outside of a sanctioned event?

Speaker 2 Probably college. Yeah.
College. College.
I got into a fight in Hong Kong, but it was like kind of a bro fight because the guy was wearing the same outfit that I was.

Speaker 2 He was shirtless, also wearing the same color shorts I was. And we just looked at each other, and you knew it was on.
And then afterwards, we were friends.

Speaker 2 There's no better feeling in the world. That's not a fight.
Than getting into a fight with somebody. And then afterwards, like in the middle of the fight, you realize...
That's a fun wrestle.

Speaker 2 You and I are more similar than we are different. Was this when you were high on ecstasy? This was when I was high on MDMA, yes.
Yeah. Okay, so you might have just been kissing the dude.

Speaker 2 Rolling balls. You might have just been groping his fingers.
No, because it's on camera. Okay.
So confirmed not kissing. Confirmed fight, though? Confirmed ras.
It was a rascal. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Also,

Speaker 2 isn't that like saying hello at a rugby game? Pretty much, yeah. Just

Speaker 2 not a threat. Yeah.
Just a couple rugbies.

Speaker 2 All right. So this guy, yeah, Waffle House guy.
Love him. I fucking love him.

Speaker 2 The 18th award of the 2021 Takeies is for the Award of the Year. Very special category.
Wow. First time award.
A brand new award in the Takey rundown here. The first nominee is the NVP Award.

Speaker 2 The Nickelodeon valuable player went to Mitchell Trubisky in that playoff game that we all remember with the slime. Yes.
What a time that was. What a time.
What a time. What a game.

Speaker 2 He might be the one and only winner of the MVP Award. Yeah, it would be incredible if

Speaker 2 that were the case. There's definitely a conversation happening at Nickelodeon right now.
Like, we can't do the MVP again because those shitheads at part of my take will just ruin it. Yes.

Speaker 2 And we will. We will.

Speaker 2 We absolutely will. We'll try to get Mitch to win it again.

Speaker 2 The second nominee for Award of the Year is the Award of the Year Award. Oh, wow.
Little Meta. And the first time it's been awarded.
The first time nominee and the first time that it's been awarded.

Speaker 2 Crazy, taking the world by storm. The next nominee is Tom Verducci.
for having a Hall of Fame vote and sucking his own dick and making that giant video about how great it was and how seriously he took

Speaker 2 his job as being a Hall of Fame nominee and a Hall of Fame voter. And then the last award of the year is Gonzaga for making the first Final Four of all time.

Speaker 2 They finally achieved that great award of making Mark Few's first Final Four. Incredible

Speaker 2 huge hump. Huge hump for the program.
The winner of Award of the Year goes to Tom Verducci for having a Hall of Fame vote and sucking his own dick. Congrats, Tom.
Let's play that video.

Speaker 2 Yep, great video.

Speaker 2 And in those sweet moments, when the one-half of the 1% gather as one, seated above all others,

Speaker 2 that's when you truly understand

Speaker 2 the weight of what you hold in your hands.

Speaker 2 Unbelievable. I still can't believe this made it out.

Speaker 2 If aliens come down to Earth and they're like, sirs, what is a baseball writer? Yeah, I'm going to play that video for them.

Speaker 2 I think actually the only thing that Tom Verducci could use as an explanation here is that during COVID, maybe he was working from home.

Speaker 2 Maybe there weren't like people around him to be like, hey, this is a really bad idea. You look like a tremendous douchebag.

Speaker 2 But even still, someone had to edit it.

Speaker 2 Someone saw it before it came out. I think there's a chance that Tom Verducci was just like, I'm going to learn new skills during COVID.
And part of those skills were, I'm going to get Final Cut Pro.

Speaker 2 I'm going to get a brand new camera. I'm going to get a lighting rig.
Yep. I'm going to get like essentially one of those SLR cameras.
And so he got really into filmmaking for a couple months.

Speaker 2 Like Bo Burnham. Yeah.
Just do it all himself. Yeah, and this was the output.
Yes. All right, next up, we have a few awards left, and we're going to do Blake of the Year at the end here coming up.

Speaker 2 All three Blakes in attendance.

Speaker 2 This award is Ratio of the Year Award. If you aren't on Twitter, you don't know what it is.

Speaker 2 Ratio is when someone tweets something, very little retweets and likes, and a lot of responses, meaning they probably said something crazy. The nominees are

Speaker 2 Kevin Durant, in reply to someone talking about five years ago today, Kevin Durant announced his decision to join the Warriors. Kevin Durant said, this shit a holiday now?

Speaker 2 798 replies.

Speaker 2 The second nominee, Kevin Durant.

Speaker 2 When someone said to him, relax, big dog. You're Kevin Durant.
Life is too sweet. And he replied, there's no relax, champ.
No relax when I'm on Twitter. I'm on 10 until the second I close the app.

Speaker 2 You relax. I love that tweet so much.
Great tweet. Might be my favorite tweet of all time.

Speaker 2 The next nominee is

Speaker 2 Kevin Durant for his reply to Reed Laymans, who said, Those of us who are lucky to count Jackie as a friend are the better for it. You should try it.

Speaker 2 When Kevin Durant was talking about Jackie McCollum, and Kevin Durant said, congrats, my G, enjoy that. Which is an all-time reply to someone just saying, I'm friends with this woman.

Speaker 2 Enjoy being friends with Jackie McCollum. Enjoy that.

Speaker 2 And then

Speaker 2 finally, we have Kevin Durant

Speaker 2 in his reply to Nick Wright. Nick Wright said, no doubt, talking about

Speaker 2 Kevin Durant. Kevin Wright was saying, I think he was talking about AD being a switchable defender and a rim protector, elite at both two.
Nick Wright said, no doubt, those are all fair points.

Speaker 2 These are tiny bits we were picking. The more fun thing to do is an actual 12-player draft, alternating picks.
I'm waiting on a flight and have time. If you're game, you can have the first first pick.

Speaker 2 And he just responded, I'm good.

Speaker 2 That's so good.

Speaker 2 God damn it. KD is so fucking good.
I love it. Oh, and oh, I have one last one.
Actually, this one's a winner. I'm going to call this one the winner because it actually has the most responses.

Speaker 2 It has 2,000 responses.

Speaker 2 When Shannon Sharp talked about Kevin Durant, saying he was misquoting Kevin Durant, saying winning championships, not the end-all, be-all

Speaker 2 why I played the game. Kevin Durant quote-treated and said, y'all drunk uncle out here lying again.
When did I say this? He had 2,000 responses to that.

Speaker 2 Kevin Durant, you are the Ratio King in a good way, though, too, because they all get incredible interactions anytime he hops on Twitter and tweets.

Speaker 2 I'm just, I get depressed sometimes, Big Cat, thinking about all the great tweets that Kevin Durant has put out there that we'll never see because they came from burner accounts. Yes.

Speaker 2 I want Kevin, like when he retires, he should go back and publish an anthology of all his burner account tweets. Yes.
And I mean, I would sit down and read every single one of them. Yes, absolutely.

Speaker 2 The greatest writer of our day and age. Also, the ratios are really hard to find because anyone who ever gets ratioed deletes it immediately.
P-words. Yeah, yeah.
Not Kevin Durant. Okay, next up.

Speaker 2 Oh, Billy. Oh, yeah.
Good job, Billy. All right, up next, we have the award for the worst prediction of the year.

Speaker 2 There are a lot of really shitty predictions this year, so it was tough to narrow these down.

Speaker 2 Again, shout out to Freezing Cold Takes, Old Old Takes Exposed for helping us narrow the category down a little bit. The first nominee is from Kevin Singh, he's a fifth grader,

Speaker 2 and they were asked to ask these fifth graders in the yearbook, make a prediction for what's going to happen in 2020.

Speaker 2 And Kevin Singh said, My prediction for year 2020 is that everyone will live peacefully and they will cure every disease there is.

Speaker 2 That's incredible. It's a great prediction.
Holy shit. Great prediction.
So that was actually from 2010. Wow.
Yeah. So called it.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Called it. Great job, Kevin Singh.

Speaker 2 The next nominee for worst prediction goes to an anonymous scout, anonymous baseball scout, in a sporting news article.

Speaker 2 The anonymous baseball scout was asked about Shohei Otani and whether he'll be able to adjust to big league pitching. He's basically like a high school hitter, is what this guy had to say.

Speaker 2 Turns out not really the case.

Speaker 2 That and member Francesa, he had a good one about Shohei Otani. Like he should never be a Yankee.
This guy sucks. Yep.
Yep. Also nominated is James Harden.

Speaker 2 James Harden, in response to a tweet in 2017, somebody said, never, ever, ever, ever, ever leave Houston at Jay Harden. Exclamation point, exclamation point.
He replied, I promise I won't.

Speaker 2 Hashtag rocket for life.

Speaker 2 That's great. That's a good one, James.

Speaker 2 Just never tweet if you're an athlete. There's really no upside to it.
And then the final nominee for worst prediction of the year comes from our friend, Colin Coward.

Speaker 2 Adam Gace plus Greg Williams plus Sam Darnold. Anyone know where I can pre-order my 2020 AFC Championship tickets at MetLife Stadium? It's a great

Speaker 2 prediction. Holy shit.
Not only are they making the AFC Championship game, but they also have home field advantage throughout the playoffs.

Speaker 2 The New York Jets, who probably should have gone winless last year. Yes, yes.
Great job, Colin. Oh, incredible.
Incredible. And the winner for worst prediction of the year goes to

Speaker 2 Colin Coward. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Good job. It's tough to beat that one, guys.
Unbelievable. Real tough to beat that one.
Real tough to beat that one.

Speaker 2 All right, next up, we got two, three left, and then we're going to get to Blake of the Year.

Speaker 2 We have postseason that Duke didn't didn't qualify for of the year. Okay, like a postseason, like a tournament that they didn't qualify for.
Yes, yes. So the nominees.
What could this be?

Speaker 2 Well, the nominees, there are the NFL playoffs. Okay.

Speaker 2 The MLB playoffs. Yeah.
The NBA playoffs. The Stanley Cup playoffs.
And the NCAA tournament. Those are the nominees.
And the winner is

Speaker 2 the NCAA tournament. Duke did not qualify for the NCAA tournament.

Speaker 2 They also wanted to to cancel the season when it was pretty clear that they weren't going to qualify. Coach K,

Speaker 2 I think,

Speaker 2 yeah, he said we shouldn't even be playing this game, which he definitely wouldn't have said if he had a good team. Well, he was upset because they lost.

Speaker 2 He thought that it was okay to play in-conference games. But after they lost an out-of-conference game, that's a real issue.

Speaker 2 This is also a little note here. The second year in a row that Duke has won

Speaker 2 that the NCAA tournament has won the award for postseason tournament that Duke did not qualify for. Oh, wow.
Could it be a three-peat next year? That would be incredible.

Speaker 2 I mean, if this was Greg Popovich, they'd just finish in third place. So, Coach K just wins.
Okay. All right.
That's a good point. Fair point.
Point taken.

Speaker 2 Maybe he shouldn't have quit on our country and still be coaching USA. That's also a fair point.
Well, you can only leave him victory for so long.

Speaker 2 He's passing the torch. He's giving it up.

Speaker 2 Is he passing? He wants to spend time with his family.

Speaker 2 He's still carrying the torch. Yeah.
No, if he was still carrying the torch, he wouldn't be losing these games. But he's still working.

Speaker 2 Wait, did he quit or did he not quit? He He quit USA basketball. He's right.
He's a quitter on the country. That's even worse.
He's a traitor. I mean, I'm pretty sure he served in the military.

Speaker 2 I'm sure you heard that from Rico Bosco. I think he went to West Point.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 So he cares about our country. Did he fight? I don't think so.
Maybe not. Okay, I'm going to assume that.
He definitely went to West Point. Yeah, he did go to West Point.

Speaker 2 A lot of people have gone to West Point that are real idiots. Captain Kahn's? I didn't say that.
Whoops.

Speaker 2 No, he's actually smart. Yeah.
Smart guy. And a great quarterback, too.
Great quarterback. What are you saying he's not a great quarterback?

Speaker 2 I'm a dude. Billy.
If you're the quarterback for Army. Bro, he's D1.
Yeah. D1.
Here we go. Bully.
Bro. D1.
Shout out, Captain Kahn's. Cool.
This is a ZBT.

Speaker 2 The next award goes. This is in the category of Preemptive Take of the Year.
Oh. Preemptive Take of the Year.

Speaker 2 Now, I have no idea what the nominees are going to be for this one because we're all contributing what we think will be the Preemptive Take of the Year.

Speaker 2 So we're just inventing takes that we think will happen some point in the next 12 months. Yes.

Speaker 2 My nominee for preemptive take of the year is Mike Florio of Pro Football Talk for saying that if Richard Sherman had an agent, he wouldn't have contracted COVID.

Speaker 2 I just think that that's going to happen. Yeah.
I like that. Florio likes beating that drum that all players should have agents no matter what.
I like that. All right.

Speaker 2 My preemptive take of the year is it's kind of cheating, but Max Kellerman saying this is the year that Tom Brady falls off a cliff. Yeah, that, yeah.

Speaker 2 I mean, it's every year. You know what you're doing? Yeah.
You're doing a Max Kellerman to Max Kellerman. Yeah, right.
Every year, you're like, this is the year that he's going to say it. Yeah, right.

Speaker 2 Yeah. He says it every year.
It's probably going to happen again. It probably will.
And then, Hank, you had a preemptive take of the year?

Speaker 2 Well, I thought when PFT said this, I thought I just came up with one off the top of my head.

Speaker 2 And with all the conference realignment and stuff going on, all the NCAA and ILL, I think that the NCAA will be defunct within five years. Whoa, I like it.
I like that one.

Speaker 2 So is the SEC just going to become the NCAA? Yeah, I mean, it feels like that's where it's trending anyway, where it's all just money. They're taking out the administrative school part of it.

Speaker 2 And people are just going to try and make as much money as they can. That would actually be funny if the SEC got so big that they took over the entire country.

Speaker 2 So instead of NCAA, it's like, yeah, Washington plays in the SEC. Yeah.
Hawaii plays. It's all the SEC.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Or like if football and basketball aren't part of that NCAA, like they might still do the NCAA

Speaker 2 sports, but football and basketball leave. Correct.
I mean, if it means that we get to hear the SEC intro theme song for every football game in. Yeah.
Which is going away.

Speaker 2 We should just remind people it's going away.

Speaker 2 All right. Who's going to win this? You know what? Let's do something special.
Billy, why don't you give us your preemptive take of the year and you win no matter what you say?

Speaker 2 I think that 2022 is going to be sick.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 2 All right. Billy, congrats, Billy.
Your third takeie? Yeah. Put that on a poster board.
Damn. I think 2022 is going to be sick.

Speaker 2 Coach K did serve in the military. He was an officer from 1969 to 1974.
Did he go to Vietnam? Do you want to apologize? Why didn't he go to Vietnam? He quit on the country.

Speaker 2 He didn't go to Vietnam, hang after by not coaching this year's team. Yeah.

Speaker 2 He was in directed services teams. So that sounds like he was a basketball coach.
Yeah. Yeah.
All right. Last up before we get to Blake of the Year.

Speaker 2 So here it is, the last takeie before Blake of the the Year. We have all three Blakes on Reminder.
It is the Tommy Lasorda Memorial Still Alive Person of the Year.

Speaker 2 We have some great competition this year. Dickie V has been nominated.
He is still alive. Willie Mays,

Speaker 2 still alive, even though Barry Bonds treated that picture where he looked like he was smiling next to Willie Mays' casket. John Madden, still alive, even though PFT is trying to kill him.

Speaker 2 I'm not trying to kill John Madden.

Speaker 2 I just haven't heard from the guy. An honorable mention to Prince Philip, who almost made it this year, still alive.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I think that we need to just acknowledge the fact that he would have been nominated had he not died. Absolutely.
He was really the only thing you got to do to win this award is stay alive.

Speaker 2 He did not stay alive. He died.
Yeah, that's a big box you got to check off. And he just failed it.
Croaked big time. Died.
Dead.

Speaker 6 Hey, guys, I'm Ted DiBiase, the Million Dollar Man, and I am here to present the takey,

Speaker 6 that would be the pardon my take, the takey for the Tommy Lashorda Memorial, still all-alive person of the year.

Speaker 6 And the winner is,

Speaker 6 the winner is John Madden. John Madden is still alive and doing well.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 6 congrats to John and all other celebrities, and I would put myself in there as well, that are still alive. Yep, I'm 67 years old, but I'm still alive and kicking.
Oh, one more thing before I go.

Speaker 6 Always remember this, including all you celebrities who might see this.

Speaker 2 Everybody, and I mean, everybody's got a price for the Million Dollar Man.

Speaker 2 Electric. Everybody's got a price.
Ted DiBiase, 67 years old. That is...

Speaker 2 What's, I mean, wrestling years. I think wrestling years and dog years are the same thing.
Yeah, yeah. There's no, I think he's the oldest living wrestler.

Speaker 2 So Ted DiBiase, that would make Ted DiBiase real quick a little mess.

Speaker 2 469 years old. Incredible.
He's 469 years old.

Speaker 2 Okay. Should we do it? Should we get to Blake of the Year? Hank, just real quick, I've looked up his service record, Coach K's service record here.

Speaker 2 During his military service, he coached service teams and served for two years as head coach at the U.S. Military Academy Prep School at Belvoir, Virginia.

Speaker 2 So his time spent in the military was spent coaching basketball. Heroic.
Whatever is ass of it. It would be nice if he were to run that back right now.
Yeah, still do it for our country.

Speaker 2 Get back to his roots. That we all love.
Coaching for Team USA.

Speaker 2 Okay, here it is, Blake of the Year. Before we get to Blake of the Year, it is brought to you by our friends at ZipRecruiter.

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Put ZipRecruiter to work for you. And now, here's the Blake of the Year.

Speaker 2 Okay, it is a momentous occasion. It is time for the Blake of the Year.
We have all three Blakes here with us right now via Zoom.

Speaker 2 And we decided this year we're going to do something a little different because there was maybe some allegations of

Speaker 2 using PEDs to you know robo pickups and whatnot. So we thought, let's get it fair.
Let's get all three guys here.

Speaker 2 The allegations, let's call them what they were. I think that there was a little bit of jealousy, but it did remind us, you were like the Houston Astros of Blake's, Blake Griffin.

Speaker 2 They were saying that you were using electronics illegally to answer phone calls. So we're making it more analog this year.
Yes. Yes.
So it's going to be with the lottery machine.

Speaker 2 How it's going to work is every Blake is going to pick a number. We're going to hit the thing.
And it's whoever gets it first. And we'll just keep going.
So it could go one round.

Speaker 2 It could go 30 rounds. We're going to leave balls out, though.
So it could get down to like three balls, and then you just got to hope the numbers are right.

Speaker 2 But before we do that, we want, we asked you guys to prepare maybe a little speech as to why you deserve Blake of the Year. So let's start with Brooks, the newcomer still.

Speaker 2 Brooks, what did you do this past year to deserve Blake of the Year?

Speaker 2 You know, being a man of the people, I figured I might as well win the People's Open. I thought that was a good start.
Good start to the year.

Speaker 2 Brought back the the 90s pitcher goatee fashionable that was nice

Speaker 2 and then did a lot of things for charity this year uh gave away free beer yeah that's true um

Speaker 2 and uh yeah and you two will be catting for him yeah so true true there's a lot of things

Speaker 2 and you know what you encourage you encourage fan participation in golf which is something exactly it's all about

Speaker 2 yeah

Speaker 2 exactly the people all right that's good all right blake griffin you are the two-time uh defending champ. So, for anyone who doesn't know, there's been three Blakes of the year.

Speaker 2 Blake Bortles was the first. He has one title.

Speaker 2 Then that year, Blake Griffin decided that his country was more important than this competition and was like at practice or something. Kind of lame.
But the last two years, Blake Griffin is one.

Speaker 2 So, Blake, why do you think you deserve a three-peat here?

Speaker 2 Which would be historic?

Speaker 2 You know, I guess to really tell this story, we have to take this back to 2020.

Speaker 2 You know, the pandemic was tough for us all. And right out of the gate, I decided, you know what?

Speaker 2 Let's help those who help us. And so early on, I donated to the Little Caesars Arena.
I was playing in Detroit at the time, donated to the

Speaker 2 support staff at Little Caesars Arena. You know, I just, and that was just something that I thought was important.

Speaker 2 If we're touching on charity,

Speaker 2 support. I held out on dunking for this particular

Speaker 2 moment.

Speaker 2 Could I dunk? Yeah, sure. But I needed something to hang my hat on for the 2021 Blake of the Year.

Speaker 2 So it was more of like, you know, when somebody fasts to like prove a point? Yeah.

Speaker 2 That was my fast.

Speaker 2 Your dunking fast. Your personal Ramadan.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I did it.

Speaker 2 I broke my fast this year

Speaker 2 for my campaign for Blake of the Year. Yeah.
Yeah, we certainly appreciate that. Would you say that

Speaker 2 if you win three Blakes in a row, some people are saying that you might be bad for Blakes, like the league has gotten almost like a super team of Blakes, and it's not interesting to watch anymore.

Speaker 2 Would you agree with that? Or do you think that it makes it more exciting if we have a three-time team? He just joined one, didn't he? He didn't, he joined a super team.

Speaker 2 Come on,

Speaker 2 come on.

Speaker 2 Kind of my thing.

Speaker 2 Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 2 I prefer the easy way out.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I don't know. Listen, there's a good parody in the Blake of the Year contest.
I mean, you know,

Speaker 2 Brooks being a newcomer, obviously hasn't gotten one yet, but Blake Bortles has one, and

Speaker 2 it's been a tough race. Brooks probably been the most successful this year

Speaker 2 out of the three of us.

Speaker 2 I didn't really accomplish much, but here we are. So I don't know.
Is it bad for Blakes? Maybe, but, you know, I think there's good parody.

Speaker 2 In a weird way, Brooks accomplishing things is actually anti-Blake because you kind of should just chill out and like be good, but not great. You know, it felt like he was trying too hard.
Right.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I'd agree.
I'd agree. I think most people would agree.
I mean, he hasn't really won anything. Yeah, that's true.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's true. That's true.

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 2 he did win the British Open, but Colin Morikawa won't play him in a one-round playoff. That's true.
So he kind of won that.

Speaker 2 All right. So Blake Bortles, our original Blake of the Year.

Speaker 2 Why do you deserve it?

Speaker 2 I didn't know we were doing the foundation thing.

Speaker 2 Since that's what we're doing, my charity golf tournament was actually just canceled, you know, because of COVID. But we are going to get that going again.

Speaker 2 So we'll get money back into back into the hometown.

Speaker 2 I mean,

Speaker 2 compared to these two, I've done absolutely nothing.

Speaker 2 I have an active streak, though. I've written all this down.

Speaker 2 I have an active streak of seven consecutive trips to the gas station without buying dip. Whoa.

Speaker 2 That's hard.

Speaker 2 I've managed to keep my hair from growing back. And

Speaker 2 I had another kid. So I got that going for me.
Oh, shit. All right.
There we go.

Speaker 2 That's what I got. Are you in Green Bay right now?

Speaker 2 No, no, not yet. I also got a new job.
Yep. In Green Bay, I threw give or take four touchdown passes during OTAs.
So

Speaker 2 give or take? Are we taking? How many did you actually throw?

Speaker 2 Three to eight.

Speaker 2 Three to eight. So you pick a number in there.
All right. There's somewhere in there under 10.
I think as Blakes, you guys have accomplished a lot this year.

Speaker 2 All right. So everyone understand the rules.
We're going to do this. It's a number one through

Speaker 2 is there 100 in there? I think 100's in there. Is it? Yeah, I think 100 is in there.

Speaker 2 Maybe say 1 through 99 just to to be safe. I can't remember if a hundred is in there, and we're gonna do it until someone gets it exact, and that person will be Blake of the Year.

Speaker 2 And on top of that, they will be the new voice that introduces you to part of my take when it says it's part of my take presented by Barsville Sports at the beginning of the show.

Speaker 2 We've decided we're gonna have a new voice over there, so you also win that, which is pretty awesome. And

Speaker 2 what did we say? Blake of the Year is going to donate $10,000 to us personally. So, that's also something you've won pretty quickly.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 So say like

Speaker 2 Brooks goes, gets it right off the bat. Do me and Blake also get like, and then there's a playoff? No, you're everybody.
Everyone guesses at the same time. Don't worry, Blake.
There's no playoff.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.
No playoffs. Don't worry.

Speaker 2 I'm fine with like a little bit of playoffs. Yeah, like

Speaker 2 half of the playoffs. Half of the playoffs.
Yes. Yes.

Speaker 2 Okay. All right.
So yeah.

Speaker 2 So everyone guesses their number,

Speaker 2 and then we'll hit it, and then we'll just keep going. And Billy's keeping track here, so that will probably be a disaster.

Speaker 2 But Billy is keeping track of the numbers that are picked, so we can shout those out before so you don't repeat something that's already off of the board.

Speaker 2 I'm hoping personally, from a show standpoint, that either someone gets it on the first try, or we sit here for an hour guessing ping-pong balls. So let's hope that one of those two things happens.

Speaker 2 Blake, as the Blake Griffin, as the Blake of the Year, the reigning Blake of the Year, I'll let you choose first, and then Bortles, you can choose, and then Brooks, you choose.

Speaker 2 So it's all at the same spin, but go ahead. Say a number.
32. 32.
Blake, Bortles?

Speaker 2 9. 9? And Brooks?

Speaker 2 12. 12.
All right, write those down real quick. Yeah, really.
All right, here we go. 32, 9, and 12.

Speaker 2 This is intense. This is going to be terrible, terrible podcasting if we go like 10 rounds.
I think it'll be wonderful. 32, 9, and 12.
Oh, first numbers: 84 for Randy Boss.

Speaker 2 Close. Close.

Speaker 2 Close. What just happened? Was there a ball that just went over there? No, I don't think so.
Okay. All right.
Go again.

Speaker 2 62. 62.

Speaker 2 19.

Speaker 2 19.

Speaker 2 74. 74.
62, 19, 74.

Speaker 2 Oh, 62 just crept up there. 62.
62 wants it. This is going to be so bad.

Speaker 2 994.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 No winners. No winners.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 just to reset, 84 and 94 are off the board. Yes.

Speaker 2 Two. Two.

Speaker 2 29.

Speaker 2 57. I like that Brooks is really thinking about this.
Yeah, no, we're all over the board, too, which I like. There doesn't seem to be a strategy here.
Nope.

Speaker 2 Oh, boy.

Speaker 2 2, 29, 57. What is that? 27.
27. 27.
Oh. Portals was too off.
Two off. Damn.
Right there. This really, we didn't think this through.
This is going to suck. Go ahead.
Go ahead.

Speaker 2 89.

Speaker 2 39. 39.

Speaker 2 14 14 okay you want this one no go ahead

Speaker 2 89 39 14 yeah

Speaker 2 oh oh

Speaker 2 god

Speaker 2 it's 68 it's not 89

Speaker 2 i thought it was 89 too it's not

Speaker 2 play good with numbers almost with the three peat there wow okay we go again

Speaker 2 12. 12.
44. 44.

Speaker 2 81. 81.
Whose dog is that? That is mine.

Speaker 2 12. 44.
81.

Speaker 2 And we're on round five.

Speaker 2 This is intense.

Speaker 2 28. 8.

Speaker 2 28.

Speaker 2 You guys haven't even gotten one. And I'm looking at it.
No, yeah, we haven't even gotten one. All right, here we go.
We go again.

Speaker 2 71.

Speaker 2 93.

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 2 Eight. Eight.
Eight. Good pick.
I feel like that was a good pick by Bortles. I think that was a good pick by Bortle.
I think it was. I don't know.

Speaker 2 I'm just feeling it. I don't know.
I don't know. No reason to.
71, 93, 8.

Speaker 2 What is that? Oh, it doesn't go. If it doesn't catch, it doesn't count.
Oh, 19. 19.
19. Damn.

Speaker 2 With the assist by 92.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 33. 33.

Speaker 2 44.

Speaker 2 44.

Speaker 2 20. 20.
How many people do you think are still listening? I think all of them. I think this is the best podcasting that we've ever done.
33, 44.

Speaker 2 Also, you should probably go watch this on our YouTube channel. It's probably way better on that.

Speaker 2 33, 44, 20.

Speaker 2 25. Nope.
Oh, yeah, it is. It is.
All right. 25.
I thought it was a false start. All right.
We want to take some years off. Yeah, let's take some of these guys off.
All right.

Speaker 2 Go again.

Speaker 2 89 again. 89 again.

Speaker 2 7. 7.

Speaker 2 41. 41.
Here we go.

Speaker 2 89, 7, 41.

Speaker 2 Oh,

Speaker 2 seven almost right there. 97

Speaker 2 is the number.

Speaker 2 That was Bortles' pick from two rounds ago. Two rounds ago.
Damn, he's on it. He's on it.
He also picked seven there, and seven popped up.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's like when you see a batter step up and they're hitting the very bottom of the ball.

Speaker 2 Boom. You got your timing down.
Bordles is definitely sniffing around it. Okay.

Speaker 2 Billy, do you want to do a quick reset and tell them what numbers they can't pick?

Speaker 2 So we have outside of the pool 84, 94, 27, 68, 28, 19,

Speaker 2 25, and 93.

Speaker 2 Do you guys remember all those?

Speaker 2 Okay, so 23 is the pick for Blake Griffin.

Speaker 2 Five. Five.
Ooh, his name. I like that, yeah.
Yep.

Speaker 2 73. 73.
Yep, that's still available. Okay, go ahead, hit it, PFT.
There we go. 23, 5, and 73.
Imagine if it's 5.

Speaker 2 Imagine. What was this? Oh, five was popping.
Danced out.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 oh, 87.

Speaker 2 This is now, we're getting what we wish for. This is going on far too long.

Speaker 2 Okay?

Speaker 2 Give me 24. 24.

Speaker 2 I'll take 58. 58.

Speaker 2 39. 39.
I'm surprised none of you have just gone with the same number every time. Seems like a strategy where you wouldn't have to remember what to choose.
Yeah, but that's, yeah, you know?

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 24, 58, 39.

Speaker 2 71. 71.

Speaker 2 Now, Blake Griffin picked that four turns ago. Wow.
Should have stuck with it. Should have stuck with it.

Speaker 2 32. 32.

Speaker 2 77.

Speaker 2 77. Okay.

Speaker 2 16. 16.
Here we go.

Speaker 2 32, 77, 16.

Speaker 2 47.

Speaker 2 47. 47.
47 is the most frequently selected ping pong ball. That's a fact.
Yeah. If you had just picked that, you would have gotten it.
All right. Thanks for listening to the show, guys.

Speaker 2 I'm going 32 again. 32.
All right. So Blake Griffin is the first to pick the same number strategy.
Yep. Yep.
Change it up. Yeah.
I like that. Nine.
Nine.

Speaker 2 Wow. So now there's a little gamesmanship going on.

Speaker 2 32, 9, 21.

Speaker 2 Oh, nine almost jumped up there. 45 is the number.
No Trump fans out there, huh? We're running it again. You run it again, Blake? Running back.
32 again for Blake.

Speaker 2 Nine. All right, so we got two people on this strategy.
Stick with it. 21.
All right, 21. I like this.

Speaker 2 329 21 33 33 Wow right there right there running it back running it back everyone running it back

Speaker 2 yep okay 32 9 21

Speaker 2 all right so let's just do it yeah let's just hit the button we're running it back those are the numbers now 32 9 21

Speaker 2 first one to get it

Speaker 2 nine just pop nine and thirty two are up there 65

Speaker 2 Hit it again.

Speaker 2 I like this.

Speaker 2 This machine might break. Now we're being efficient.
Yeah, no, this was a... If we just keep it going.
This machine cost me $1,000. Would you agree with that? Bought it from China.

Speaker 2 Came a little broken. 41.

Speaker 2 Off the board. Doesn't matter.
We're going to keep going.

Speaker 2 The Blakes stuck with the same numbers and were unsuccessful for 32 more turns. Instead of playing that audio on the podcast for 10 minutes, we decided to do this voiceover.

Speaker 2 On the PMT YouTube channel, we will have the entire competition in full if you care to watch that. Now, let's get back to the action.
Big Cat and PFT, take it away.

Speaker 2 Would anybody like to change their bet?

Speaker 2 Would anyone like to change their name?

Speaker 2 32, 9, 21.

Speaker 2 83. All right, I'm going to stand up too.
All right, I'll hit this next one. I'll hit this one.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 All right, here we go. 32, 9, 21.

Speaker 2 52. 52, that's almost there.
We're getting close.

Speaker 2 I can feel it. We're getting there.

Speaker 2 Should I go? There's an option to do, it picks, you only have to hit it once and it goes like three times in a row. Should I do that? Let the machine take over.

Speaker 2 16.

Speaker 2 16. Yeah, let the machine take.
Man, all right, I'm going to do the three option. Here we go.
Three option.

Speaker 2 Are you sure there's a 32 in there?

Speaker 2 Ten, ten, ten. Anyone got a ten? No, no, ten.
One off.

Speaker 2 88, 88.

Speaker 2 Where are we at?

Speaker 2 Go, what's the total?

Speaker 2 56, 82, 9, 21.

Speaker 2 46. All right, let's take a pause real quick.
Let's just pause. How's everyone feeling?

Speaker 2 Mentally drained.

Speaker 2 I'm exhausted.

Speaker 2 How many rounds have we done? 47. Wait, no, we have 47 numbers left.
You counted wrong, dude.

Speaker 2 Billy counted wrong. Fuck, Billy.
What are we at? We have 53 balls. 53 balls left.
53 balls left. I'm going to hit it again at three.

Speaker 2 We're almost double the expected. Yeah, I'm going to hit the three again.
I'm going to hit the three again.

Speaker 2 Come on. 32, 9, 21 for Blake of the Year.
For all the Marbles. Here it is.
It's going to hit.

Speaker 2 72. If you're just joining in, this is our first roll for the Blake of the Year.

Speaker 2 One of the all-time misses by me and PFT in terms of ideas.

Speaker 2 I think it's funny again.

Speaker 2 32-9, 39. 34.
Damn, so close, Blake North. So close.

Speaker 2 This is way too many numbers.

Speaker 2 The Blake of the Year. Here it is.
The Blake of the Year.

Speaker 2 This is the winning roll. The winning roll is not 35.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Blake of the Year for Blake of the Year most prestigious award in all sports in all Blakes

Speaker 2 will the two-time returning champion Blake Griffin have a three-point 55

Speaker 2 or will the newcomer

Speaker 2 I'm gonna do the three button again or the original Blake Blake Borders

Speaker 2 only the machine knows

Speaker 2 32 9 21

Speaker 2 48 48

Speaker 2 I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 I'm really sorry. I just want to say I want to apologize profusely.
At this point, I just feel bad. Drop the link to your charity.
We'll donate. I'll double it.
I'll match.

Speaker 2 I'll double his match. 20.
20. I'll double his match.
I'm doubling my match. Hypothetically.

Speaker 2 All right. Here we go.
Blake it here. I can feel it.
Can you feel it?

Speaker 2 I feel it in the room. There's good energy going right now.
There's good energy in the water. right scene and it is a dying it's annoyed holy shit it's annoyed

Speaker 2 it's nine portals the original blake returns to claim his throne oh my god what a story he outlasted him holy

Speaker 2 blake

Speaker 2 can you can you give us a victory speech or something the mental attitude he just had was unbelievable unbelievable thank you to all the fans everyone that supported us along this journey um blake Blake and Brooks were incredible competitors.

Speaker 2 They deserve everything they have coming their way in their future endeavors. And I'm just going to enjoy this moment.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Incredible moment.

Speaker 2 Green Blake Packers. I feel bad for Blake Griffin.
His dynasty run is over. Actually, no, if you win next year, dynasty's back on.
It's three out of five, I think.

Speaker 2 Yeah, three out of four would be a dynasty. Brooks is still...

Speaker 2 I mean, it's tough. He's got nothing to show for it.
This is brutal. Yeah.

Speaker 2 What are you going through right now? What's going through your head? Honestly, I know. I'm so lost right now.
I did everything I could this year. And, you know,

Speaker 2 just not a mental Armageddon, if you know what I mean. Do you think maybe you need to change up your strategy, go towards more of a numbers-based approach, or I don't know, change your body in a way?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I could be. Yeah, I'd probably be more scientific with it next year.
I don't know. Yep.
I think, actually, if you had done that this year,

Speaker 2 you probably would have had a better chance because you would have just stuck with a number right off the bat. I think you picked 12 in the opening round, and I believe 12 hit, didn't it? Yeah.

Speaker 2 So yeah,

Speaker 2 maybe it's a master. There's a good chance that it did hit.

Speaker 2 All right, and Blake Griffin, your run is over. I mean, this has got to hurt.
You still, you know, it's kind of like winning a Masters or something. Like, you still are a Blake of the Year.

Speaker 2 You're just not the reigning Blake of the Year.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you know,

Speaker 2 you can't win them all.

Speaker 2 You know, for a second there, I thought about logging off for Blake's victory speech, but I decided to be the guy that actually does the handshake line.

Speaker 2 I'm happy for him. You know, listen, I think this will make Brooks and I better next year.

Speaker 2 It's not, you know, it's not the end of the world. Yeah, and

Speaker 2 standing there and watching Blake give his acceptance speech, that's probably going to be all the fuel that you need for next year. Right.
The confetti's coming down. You're watching it happen.

Speaker 2 I'm one of the guys that's going to post a picture of me in the weight room tomorrow morning. Yes.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 2 And the worst part was you had 32, and I think 31 hit. So you were basically, your toe was on the line.

Speaker 2 Oh, I see. Yeah, no, that's cool.

Speaker 2 All right. Well, Blake, Blake, Brooks, thank you very much.
We appreciate it. We know how stupid this was, but the fans do love hearing from you guys.
What do you need me to do, Liam?

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. What's the intro exactly? How hard

Speaker 2 All right, so Blake Bortles, can you

Speaker 2 say it's part of my take presented by Barstool Sports, and that will be now the new intro? Oh, yeah, this is like now making us be at the parade. Yeah, no, yeah, you're watching the parade.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yes, yes. Don't go anywhere.

Speaker 2 Also, I want to say this.

Speaker 2 Like four months ago,

Speaker 2 I changed internet providers for one reason to be able to answer a phone call faster. Wow.
And you guys totally changed the competition. So somebody owes me like $9.99 of them off.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Say that.

Speaker 2 This is pardon my take by Barstool Sports presented by Barstool Sports. It's pardon my take presented by Barstool Sports.

Speaker 2 Go whenever. Yep.

Speaker 2 It's pardon my take presented by Barstool Sports. Do two more.
Just do two more. Yeah, yeah.
Just say it. Just go over it like three or four times.
Okay.

Speaker 2 It's pardon my take presented by Barstool Sports. Yeah, maybe with like

Speaker 2 a little bit of energy. Boy Griffin has now got spinning his hands.
All right.

Speaker 2 It's pardon my take presented by Barcelona Sports. It's pardon my take presented by Barcelona Sports.

Speaker 2 I feel like that could have been it. Yeah, I think that was it.
I think that was it.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 2 Boys, thank you so much. We will talk to you later.
We appreciate it.

Speaker 2 Use this as fuel. Yeah, get better.
You know, the Blake of the Year competition is now on.

Speaker 2 There's no three Pete.

Speaker 2 All right, guys. All right.

Speaker 2 See you guys.

Speaker 2 All right. Thank you, guys.
Sorry about that. That was terrible.
It was just the worst.

Speaker 2 Unbelievable takeies. We did all the awards.
Great job, everyone.

Speaker 2 Great job to all the nominees out there. Great job to all the nominees.
And a lot of fucking morons. No spoilers.

Speaker 2 I think it's terrible to do this right now, but should we do numbers? Let's just do. Let's run it back.
Let's do one more time.

Speaker 2 Numbers, so everyone say their number, and we'll send everyone on their way. And we'll see you on Friday.
69. I'm sticking with nine for Blake.
69.

Speaker 2 67. This one actually counts.

Speaker 2 This one actually counts,

Speaker 2 folks.

Speaker 2 96.

Speaker 2 96. The Incas rode llamas when the Spanish showed up because they didn't have horses.
Love you guys.

Speaker 2 Uber.

Speaker 2 Uber. Uber.
Did you retweet it enough? Uber, uber,

Speaker 2 uber,

Speaker 2 uber.

Speaker 2 Did you?

Speaker 2 As a listener, did you retweet it enough this year? I think it's time for them to take a good look in the mirror, big cat. Did you support us? Did you support the boys?

Speaker 2 Listen, are you gonna be a friend or are you gonna be a fake friend?

Speaker 2 Fake friendships are over. Good question.
I'm done with toxic relationships, big cat.

Speaker 2 Sometimes, you know, you feel like you give and you give. Look in the mirror.
Be nice. And then you, it's another mirror.

Speaker 2 And then another mirror. And then it comes back through the you step through the mirror because that's the music video.
And then I reach my hand through the mirror. And I take your hand.
Takeies.

Speaker 2 Five

Speaker 2 tankies are here. Who

Speaker 2 will

Speaker 2 win

Speaker 2 best podcast listeners? It could

Speaker 2 be

Speaker 2 you

Speaker 2 really.

Speaker 2 And the nominees are for

Speaker 2 best podcast listeners. The Daxon 5, Dak Shepard.
Let's get Lebatardin in here. Stugat's Army Message Board.
Sophia's OnlyFans with an F.

Speaker 2 Bill Simmons, the billionaires should pay for their own fucking Spotifies. Mike Greenberg, radio show listeners.
Please be mute. That was even boring how it was written.

Speaker 2 Ryan's kids, the Rosillo Nation.

Speaker 2 Woja Simps, Adrian Wojanowski's podcast. I think that's Woj Simps.
Woj Simps. Got it.
Wojay Simps.

Speaker 2 All right. Who will it be?

Speaker 2 I think you're missing one.

Speaker 2 Oh, is there? Who's that, Hank? The AWLs. Oh,

Speaker 2 the AWLs. Well, guess what? I'm going to give you 30 seconds to retweet it again.
Yeah. And if you've gotten this far to the very, very end, it's time for the parade.
Five times. You did it again.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 2 The greatest podcast listeners in the world. That is without a doubt.
We don't say it enough, but we really do love you guys. Yeah.
We actually tried to make it every year.

Speaker 2 We put it later and later in the show. We figured we'd put it in the song all the way to the end, but you deserve it.
Thank you all. We have the best jobs in the world, and it's because of you.

Speaker 2 And thank you for listening to the Takies. Without you, there is no us.
Also, sorry for Blake of the Year. That was a debacle.
Love you guys.