Dungeons & Dragons, Chris Paul To The Finals, Brooke Lopez Respect Tour, NIL & Fyre Fest

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Speaker 7 On today's part of my take, we have Tim Woods, the return. The return of Tim Woods, the return of Dungeon ⁇ Dragons.
We have him in studio. It is awesome.
We're going to talk some NBA playoffs sons.

Speaker 7 in the finals, breaking down the Patrick Beverly, Chris Paul, ending, breaking down Steve Ballmer. Talk some NIL.
We have officially sponsored an athlete. Bryson's caddy quid on him.

Speaker 7 Fire Fest of the Week, but Tim Woods. Tim Woods is the way to go.
We're going to send you off into the holiday weekend.

Speaker 8 Before we do all of that, when Cool Creamy Ranch meets tangy, bold buffalo, the whole is greater than the sum of its sauce.

Speaker 8 Say howdy, partner, to new Buffalo Ranch sauce only at McDonald's for a limited time.

Speaker 6 At participating, McDonald's. Okay, let's go.

Speaker 6 No place to hang out or washing.

Speaker 6 And then I can't blame all on the sun.

Speaker 6 Oh no, we're gonna run down to Electric Avenue.

Speaker 6 And then we'll take it higher.

Speaker 6 It's part of my tape presented by Bob School Schools.

Speaker 6 Welcome to Part of My Tape presented by the Tomorrow War. Go stream it right now, right this second on Amazon Prime video with Chris Pratt.

Speaker 7 Today is Friday, July 2nd.

Speaker 7 And oh my god, is it a bummer watching the Eastern Conference final without Giannis or Trey Young. I did it with the price is right horn.
Bump, bump, but no way. That's what it felt like.

Speaker 7 Watch that game. But credit to the Bucs.
Credit to the Bucs.

Speaker 9 Brooke Lopez is scoring, what, 33 points?

Speaker 7 Brooke Lopez.

Speaker 9 What did I say?

Speaker 7 Yeah, no, I'm saying Brooke Lopez. I'm repeating.

Speaker 7 That was like a rapper. Like, I'm, I'm, I am helping put some emphasis again on Brooke Lopez.
You said Brooke Lopez. I say Brooke Lopez.

Speaker 9 Brooke Lopez

Speaker 9 dropped 33 tonight. Yeah.
15 of 18. Brooke Lopez, absolutely dominant.
Is Giannis a system center? I don't know. People are saying.
But yeah, that's how bad that it is.

Speaker 9 It's tough to watch. The series has become tough to watch.
I was hoping every time I see, what's his name?

Speaker 9 Thanassus Atatakrubco?

Speaker 9 Is that his name? Every time I see him, I just keep hoping he'll step out.

Speaker 9 on the court and he'll be like five inches taller and 60 pounds heavier and way more athletic and just start to play like his brother. And I'll be like, oh, that's the added to Katumko twin.

Speaker 9 He's just as good as Giannis. And it never works out that way.
But yeah, it's tough to watch.

Speaker 7 It's not a knock on the Bucks. Like, I know some people will say, well, you're knocking the Bucks.
No, I actually think the Bucks deserve a ton of credit because they all stepped up.

Speaker 7 You had Drew play a great game. You had Chris Middleton, Bobby Portis, crazy eye Bobby Portis, who I still love.
He played a great game. Like the Bucks stepped up.

Speaker 7 And when, you know, everyone's injured or when your main player's injured, to be able to survive this, you get credit for being tough and for pulling out a win when you needed one.

Speaker 7 I'm just saying from like a basketball perspective, and I think most fans, Bucs and Hawks fans should agree with it when you go there and you're like, even ESPN had, you know, how they had their live like scoreboard right on the main page.

Speaker 7 It had Trey Young dribbling the ball with Giannis defending him. Like that's what they're still pushing as the series.
And that's just not what we're getting.

Speaker 7 And it sucks as a basketball fan to watch it and be like, Man, I really wish both these teams were healthy and we had Giannis going up against Trey Young. Unfortunately, that's not the case.

Speaker 7 Credit to the Bucs. I do think that if Trey Young doesn't come back in this series, I think the Bucs will probably win this series in seven.
I'm going to say seven, so the Hawks will win another game.

Speaker 7 But it's just a bummer. It just feels like a bummer.

Speaker 9 Yeah, I don't know. I feel like the Bucs probably win the next game, too.
I don't.

Speaker 9 Yeah. I don't know.

Speaker 9 It's honestly tough to, when you all, when it's all coming down to like the role players and who's going to step up, it is tough to expect teams to perform back to back in dominant fashions.

Speaker 9 And like the Bucs dropped, what, 123 tonight?

Speaker 9 Like, I don't know if they're going to be able to, you can't rely on the role players getting you that many points again in the next game, especially like if it's in Atlanta.

Speaker 7 So

Speaker 9 it's really, it's like, it's a toss-up to me. It's just, it is a big bummer.

Speaker 7 Because every time I watch these teams out there, it's like, I do, I physically miss Trey Young in this game like my eyes hurt watching the hawks play with no trey young they're always looking like oh is that guy trey young is that guy no and it never is the only reason that i say the the hawks will win game six and i think the i think the pucks are a better team with you know they were a better team with yannis the if you take out trey young and yannis they're still a better team the um the hawks just every single time it feels like everyone writes them off that's when they come out like they they have done that it feels like five times these playoffs where everyone has doubted them.

Speaker 7 And then they just showed up and did their thing. So I think there's a toughness to the Hawks that will shine through in game six.
I've been very wrong many, many times before.

Speaker 7 So it could be wrong here. But I do love Brooke Lopez.
I love,

Speaker 7 he just moves so slow, but he still is able to do so, like he's still able to compete at this level, but it's.

Speaker 7 It looks like, you know, the old saying, like piano on your back, he runs with the piano on his back.

Speaker 7 He runs like his, both his legs are like huge redwood trees and he's like it's it doesn't make sense but then he's out there and he just has nice touch and hits some threes and does everything else and i don't know maybe brooke lopez will be your yannis maybe brooke lopez will be win and uh finals mvp it's been the craziest playoffs in that regard i actually think that the way that brooke lopez plays right now is probably going to be the exact way that Giannis plays when he's like 60 years old.

Speaker 9 If you could put Giannis in a time machine and go that far into the future, that's what you get with Brooke.

Speaker 9 He does move like a tree. He moves like, did you see Lord of the Rings when the trees were like carrying the people through the forest when they were running across the entire country, basically?

Speaker 9 That's what the Lopez twins look like. How is it possible that Stanford lost any games at all when they had both those guys?

Speaker 7 Well, it's crazy too, because there was a time when the Lopez twins were kind of like semi-buss and they both have had nice careers.

Speaker 7 And I just, I think my favorite part about Brooke Lopez is when you, you know, in today's NBA, especially, guys are so quick and their first step is so quick.

Speaker 7 And Brooke Lopez doesn't get to his like full speed until his like eighth step. His first step is truly a, like, we're winding this up.
It's, it's almost like cranking an old car.

Speaker 7 Here's my first step. And then the, and then he gets going.
But it's, I don't know.

Speaker 7 Maybe that's what we'll do. You know what? Let's just become Brooke Lopez guys.
And that's where we'll find the enjoyment in this series.

Speaker 9 Sure. Yeah.
Watching Brooke Lopez Lopez excel at the tender age of 46 or whoever old he is.

Speaker 7 How old is Brooke Lopez? I feel like he's sneaky younger than we think. Let's take guesses.

Speaker 9 Okay,

Speaker 9 my honest guess is that he's 34 years old.

Speaker 7 I was going to say 30.

Speaker 7 33, 34.

Speaker 9 He's one of those guys where I find out how old he is and I get depressed because I'm older than him.

Speaker 7 He's 33.

Speaker 7 Yeah.

Speaker 7 Yeah.

Speaker 7 Yeah.

Speaker 9 That sucks.

Speaker 9 That makes me feel awful.

Speaker 7 All-time leader in Nets points.

Speaker 7 Yep. Don't you fucking forget it.

Speaker 9 Legend.

Speaker 9 Katie will surpass that in like

Speaker 9 November of next year, I'm sure.

Speaker 7 Okay, let's talk sons. Sons in the finals.
Chris Paul, legacy game. Skip challenged him.
He came through. That second half when they came, when the Clippers looked like they were.

Speaker 7 coming back and Chris Paul came back in the game. He ended up with 41.

Speaker 7 He ended up with an all-time great flopping performance. He deserves all of the credit.
He deserves, you know, all the accolades that are being thrown at him right now.

Speaker 7 Am I happy for Chris Paul? That was my first question for you. Are we happy for Chris Paul?

Speaker 9 We are happy for Chris Paul in a very selfish way because as a Suns podcast, it makes us look smart for picking the Suns.

Speaker 9 Now, if Chris Paul was playing on any team besides the Sons, we would be like, that guy is a P-word and he flops all over the place.

Speaker 9 So I think, yes, we are happy for him, but only as long as he can do something for us in return, which is in this case, make us look smart.

Speaker 7 I also want to give credit to Chris Paul. There's two ways you can kind of, well, there's multiple ways you can have a professional sports career.

Speaker 7 You could win all the time throughout your career. That's great.
You could win early and fade. That kind of sucks, but at least you won early.

Speaker 7 So people will say, well, he's a winner, the Aaron Rodgers method. Chris Paul, though, is doing a great method here in that he now gets all the pent up, did we underrate Chris Paul?

Speaker 7 Did we not appreciate Chris Paul enough? It becomes a Chris Paul love fest for the next two weeks. Not saying he doesn't deserve it.
He does deserve it. But I think that's just a beautiful thing.

Speaker 7 Like I know he didn't plan it this way, but

Speaker 7 that's a great thing to have. It's the, you know, it's the John Elway method is what we'll call it, where there's many years where people kind of shit on you and like, hey, he can't win the big one.

Speaker 7 And then if he goes all the way and wins this NBA title, the amount of love that Chris Paul will get, it will make it all worth it.

Speaker 9 Hank, were you going to say something?

Speaker 10 I was just going to say the other element of that is the fact that him and Monte Williams came up together. He was his coach in New Orleans.
He was in Chris Paul's wedding party.

Speaker 10 So, like, they're, it's, it's, you know, they're player coach, but they're also like brothers in arms. So, that's that's a cool story, too.

Speaker 7 That's a good banana boat.

Speaker 9 Yeah. The completion of this would this be the completion of the banana boat gauntlet?

Speaker 7 Yeah.

Speaker 7 Well, I mean, we all agree that the fourth seat that was left empty was for mellow i was gonna say jesus he won a college title he won a college title there you go that's wild it is with the same guy who coached buddy beheim this year uh yeah the banana boat monty williams though deserves a ton of credit i did think like it it it felt like the clippers they were a tough ass team and i know that we listen we love storylines playoff p he played great these entire playoffs but he still is playoff p and he still gets to be made fun of he probably doesn't deserve it this time around.

Speaker 7 He actually doesn't deserve it, but still got those free throws where big cat. Yeah.
Dude, you guys. He makes those free throws into down series.
That's just a fact. He played one of the players.

Speaker 7 But he also won the, like, he also won them games that he shouldn't have won. You know, like he, Kawhi went down and it's been the Paul George show.
And Paul George isn't like what I think I saw.

Speaker 7 Emmanuel Acho or maybe Sam Acho was like, he's not an all-star. He's a some star.
It's like, hey, guess what? It's, It's okay to be like an all-star. And there's only,

Speaker 7 what, five, six, seven guys who can be like 1A.

Speaker 7 They're the best player on their team. They're the best player in the world at some point.
That type of guy. Paul George is pretty good.
He's pretty good. He is playoff P.
We will mock him.

Speaker 7 I have no problem still mocking him when he fucks up and says something stupid, but I'm going to give him at least a little bit of credit for the Clippers like losing Kawhi and still getting to this point.

Speaker 9 The problem with playoff Paul is that he's, he's paid like he's a Mount Rushmore guy, but he's not even a JV Mount Rushmore guy.

Speaker 9 If you're looking at like top eight players in the league, so everything with him is graded a little bit on the curve.

Speaker 9 Yeah, he had not a lot of help around him, and he wasn't able to do it on his own. So I'm not going to get off that narrative just yet.
It's too much fun to just

Speaker 7 in that box. I'm not telling you to get off the playoff P narrative.
I'm not getting off the playoff P narrative. I'm hitting a quick pause.

Speaker 7 It's like almost like a save by the bell freeze and be like, you know what, playoff P, you did okay these playoffs. And then back to real life, you're a bum.

Speaker 7 I'm going to tweet a picture of your ball of your dog teabacking you while you're sleeping. Yeah.

Speaker 9 Okay. So I agree with where you're at.
One minor tweak to it. I think that you should be in the scene with playoff P.
And then you hit pause.

Speaker 9 Then you tell the audience, listen, this guy still kind of a bum. But in reality, he kind of impressed me the bare minimum, this playoff series.
Then you go back to the scene.

Speaker 7 So he doesn't know that you said anything nice about him he not only that let's build off that i say hey listen pause scene playoff p pretty good playoffs i you know i'm gonna don't tell anyone i said this but i think he proved this year that that he has some toughness to him that he has some fight to him that maybe he didn't have the years past and then before i unpause i put a banana peel right under his shoe and he slips and looks like an idiot and then i immediately tweet out god damn it playoff p did it again what a buffoon Okay, I like that.

Speaker 9 The audience laughs raucously. And then Mr.
Belding calls you into his office. You go in there and he grabs your dick.
And it's being played by still Steve Ballmer.

Speaker 7 Dude, that Ballmer clip. Steve Ballmer, do you think that Steve Ballmer tells the guys, like, hey, listen, fellas, floor seats, feet on the wood tonight, game six, Western Conference?

Speaker 7 Only thing I ask, if shit gets wild, I am going to jerk off your leg and smack you in the balls.

Speaker 9 It was uh, it was honestly watching pornography, they had sex. That was that was a sexual act.
Like, there was contact between the hand, the genitals, there was gyration.

Speaker 9 I think that's just sometimes dudes get pumped and they just grab each other.

Speaker 9 You've been in a situation where I'm sure a dude's just gotten really excited and grabbed your leg and then jerked your leg off. It happens all the time, like at a sporting event.

Speaker 7 That poor guy on his right, who credit to him for even putting up a little bit of a fight. The guy on Ballmer's left was just like, listen, I signed up for this.
These are six seats.

Speaker 7 I'm friends with Steve Ballmer. I'm probably going to go on a private jet later.
Yeah, Steve, just rub my leg down and jerk it off.

Speaker 7 The guy on his right was like, hey, Steve, I'd rather not get my balls smashed in by you.

Speaker 7 But he even still, like,

Speaker 7 it wasn't that much of a protest. And Steve Ballmer, I'm going to say it right now.

Speaker 7 He's got to work on his stamina in the offseason because I've never seen someone get so gassed after jerking off their two friends legs uh quite like steve ballmer and now i've never seen that before exactly what steve ballmer did but i'd have to imagine all that going skiing yeah they're going skiing i'd have to imagine i'd have to imagine that other people if they tried that maneuver wouldn't be completely out of breath and falling down into their chair No, I mean, AJ Titties was standing on her feet all night long when she was on sidelines.

Speaker 9 So I think that Steve Ballmer, if I were in that position, well, first of all, let's think about

Speaker 9 the ratio of the broadcast time spent not on Steve Ballmer, and then the amount of camera time where Steve Ballmer was in the frame. Probably about what, like a 300 to one split on that.

Speaker 9 And for that one tiny moment, happened to be the time when he was caught jerking off the two guys next to him. You have to wonder how often that happens.
during a game when the camera is not on him.

Speaker 9 This might be just like from

Speaker 9 starting whistle to to the final buzzer, he's probably just rubbing off his bodies.

Speaker 9 And he just happened to get caught this one time.

Speaker 7 The Clippers should absolutely in their package, their local package, if they want to become a Clippers town, should sell a bomber cam for the entire, for the entire game.

Speaker 7 I even like, you know, it happened. I was just laughing my ass off.
I fired off a few tweets. I saw one person was like, how about we talk about the game and the players in the game?

Speaker 7 Like, how about we don't? How about we talk about Steve Ballmer being a fucking weirdo and just smashing his boy's balls because there was a sick dunk in the game?

Speaker 7 I'd rather talk about that because that was one of the most shocking things I've watched.

Speaker 9 Yeah. And if you're that guy tweeting at you, telling you what to talk about, that guy is spending all this time telling other people to stop talking about the guy, jerking off his friends.

Speaker 9 He should be talking about the game instead of talking about that. And then, okay, here's the other thing:

Speaker 9 if you're sitting next to him and he reaches over and just smashes you right in your dick, he's a billionaire. He owns Clippy.
He is Mr. Microsoft.
And he hits you in your ball sack. You're on TV.

Speaker 9 How do you not take the opportunity to just fall down on the ground, call an ambulance over immediately,

Speaker 9 put a neck brace on, you get transported to the hospital.

Speaker 9 That's your moment to shine. Like if that happened to me, I would be filing a lawsuit before I got off the ground.

Speaker 9 Like my, the swelling would not have gone down in my testicles before I'd be rejecting my first settlement offer.

Speaker 7 I also would be wearing a cup. I'd wear a cup.
I'd wear like some type of like fireman pants. So if the friction gets too hot when he's rubbing you down, at least you have protection on.
Like

Speaker 7 I'd be wearing a NASCAR fire suit with a cup underneath all of my regular clothes if I sat next to Steve Ballmer at a game.

Speaker 9 That's actually my goal. So I want to sit next to Steve Ballmer at some point at a place where he's likely to get excited.

Speaker 9 And I'll be wearing just like one of those dog training suits where they can jump up and bite you anywhere and hang on.

Speaker 9 And I'll just be wearing that underneath my jeans, hoping that I get hit in the nuts.

Speaker 9 Then I can cash in and take, I don't know, it's probably worth like, if he actually damages one of your testicles, you could probably take, what, 25, 30 million off him?

Speaker 7 Yeah, easily. You also could do the alternate version is like a boxer, you could just Vaseline up.
Like a, like you go see your cup man in between corners

Speaker 7 and you just make sure that you're just lubed up to the point where if he grabs you, he's not holding on.

Speaker 9 Yeah.

Speaker 9 Listen, that was the highlight of the game, by the way. I've never seen anything.
That and then

Speaker 7 let's talk about that real quick because

Speaker 7 this is a weird situation for me because I'm seeing one thing, and it feels like everyone else is seeing something else. Frank Kamiski basically beat the fuck out of Pat Beverly.

Speaker 7 Like he manhandled him. He went up to him, he shoved him so hard.

Speaker 7 Wisconsin tough. Like that was, it was, it was crazy.
I actually am shocked that the NBA hasn't fined Frank for what he did to Pat Beverly. Everyone was talking like he didn't do enough.

Speaker 7 I thought he went too far. I actually, I was nervous because I was like, do I even know this guy? Like, I consider Frank a friend.
And I'm like, I've never seen anything like that out of him.

Speaker 7 He doesn't know his own strength. Like, what's going on here?

Speaker 9 It was, it was frightening. It really was.
Like, I was, I saw him do that. And I was like, you think you know a guy used to be a coworker? Like, that could have been me that he did that too.

Speaker 9 Like, I was around him all the time. And if like, that, that could have been my face going like straight into

Speaker 9 the air next to where my face used to be. And that would have been just brutal.

Speaker 7 PFT, I woke my son up. It happened at like 11 p.m.

Speaker 7 I woke him up and I was like, hey, listen, if you were thinking about watching game six of the Sun's Clippers, don't because Frank Kaminski, that was an act of violence. It was rated R.

Speaker 9 Technically, as are we still coworkers? Can we say that? Like, I don't feel comfortable even saying that he's a co-worker, but

Speaker 7 I don't think we are.

Speaker 9 He's a recurring guest.

Speaker 9 I think we should find him.

Speaker 7 He's a friend of the program.

Speaker 9 I think we should find him. Send him a message.

Speaker 7 Well, then he made up for it by chugging that beer in the parking lot because that's a fucking good ass dude.

Speaker 9 If I was Frank, what I would do, I would

Speaker 9 just self-impose the two-game suspension

Speaker 9 from the finalist. Be like, hey, listen.

Speaker 9 I don't want to be a distraction from the team. I lost my cool.

Speaker 9 I'll take this one on the chin and for the for the health and well-being of my opponents and my respect for the game, I'll sit out the first two games on my own.

Speaker 7 I got two other things about that Pat Beverly, Chris Paul, which really it was the Frank Kaminski shove. That's how I'm going to remember it incident.

Speaker 7 One is everyone acting like, oh my God, how could Pat Beverly do this? I love this from Pat Beverly. I know he's a heel.
I know that people don't like him. But what does a heel do do when they lose?

Speaker 7 They act like a five-year-old and they're like, it. I don't care.
I hate all of you. Like, this sucks.
I'm going to push everyone. I don't know.

Speaker 7 I thought that was, I feel like that's better than Pat Beverly, like, shaking everyone's hand afterwards and being like, good series. No, he went down in flames because he really dislikes everyone.

Speaker 7 And that's the edge that he plays with. So I had no problem with it.
No one got hurt. Yeah, it was a cheap shot.

Speaker 9 Yeah, it was lame, like, you know, in terms of the cheap shot part of it but like pat beverly being like fuck it i'm just i'm going out in a blaze of glory i'm getting ejected i'm pulling off my jersey that's how i want my heel like uh you know tormentor guy to go down yeah so my whole thing is there was a technical debt that had been accrued on the part of chris paul over the course of that game with the flops so he had acted like he had gotten shoved a couple times when there was no contact made and he had gotten some calls at that point you should be allowed to shove him and actually get your jollies in, make contact with him to even up that debt that exists because he's gotten rewarded.

Speaker 9 You haven't even gotten to hit him yet. So I think if you pretend to get hit and you get the call for it, you should at some point get hit later on in that game.

Speaker 7 And I don't know if you guys caught this, but Chris Paul, he like can't, he can't break character because he got shoved and it was a cheap shot and he went down and then he still flopped.

Speaker 7 I don't know if you saw, but he grabbed his head like he had gotten shot in the forehead. And then he like had a moment of realization like, wait, we're up by 20.
It's the fourth quarter.

Speaker 7 We're going to the finals. He popped back up.
He smiled. He like flexed, but he still, even in that moment, couldn't stop flopping and had like an extra, he put a little extra.

Speaker 7 extra like cheese on that hot dog extra mustard on that hot dog that's what i'm looking for with that uh with that little extra like, ooh, my head hurts now, too, because I got flopped.

Speaker 7 Like, he's Chris Paul, if you ever, God forbid anyone ever gets in a fender bender with him, he probably drives around with a neck brace in his passenger seat.

Speaker 9 Yeah, just ready to go always.

Speaker 9 I think that, I think that Pat Beverly, you can't expect him to do anything different in that moment. Like, what is what is Pat Beverly?

Speaker 9 He is, he's a firecracker that you toss into like the middle of a group of cats, right? That's what he's going to do. He's always going to cause the most chaos for whatever situation he's in.

Speaker 9 He's not going to go quietly into the night. He's going to, he's going to fuck around.
He's going to try to injure somebody. And actually, like, it was a pretty, it's a pretty dirty shove.

Speaker 7 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 9 I like Billy's initial reaction, and I wanted to hear a little bit more from him on that because Billy was the only person right now in the moment being like.

Speaker 9 That is totally understandable by Patrick Beverly. And people got mad at him.
I was just thinking, like, if Tom Wilson had done something like that, they would have buried him underneath the court.

Speaker 9 But Billy was the only person that was like standing up for the right of Pat Beverly to be Pat Beverly. So I wanted to hear a little bit more from you on that, Billy.

Speaker 11 I love how Pat Beverly plays. So when I was watching the game, I saw him guarding Chris Paul and Chris Paul was just flopping the whole time.

Speaker 11 And when he finally shoved him, I was kind of like, yeah. I can see how that happened because he plays with emotion.
Like he wanted to get his lick.

Speaker 7 That's what I'm saying. Like he, you can't ask Pat Beverly to be that guy and then stop being that guy.
Just like you can't ask Chris Paul to be the flopper and stop being the flopper.

Speaker 7 Like that whole interchange outside of Frank Kaminski almost killing Patrick Beverly was like everyone kind of finishing their story arc of the series where it was like, this is how it went.

Speaker 7 Like Patrick Beverly was going to end up getting ejected, shoving Chris Paul. Chris Paul was going to flop even on that shove.

Speaker 7 And then the Sons were going to win and go off to the title and hopefully win the title because we are a a sons podcast.

Speaker 9 Um, permission to go there,

Speaker 7 yeah, go there.

Speaker 9 Are we sure that Pat Beverly is a good defender, or is he just like really fucking annoying and he doesn't stop?

Speaker 7 Well, he's a little older now, so I think like there's there's the debate of like, I mean, is he a good defender now? He's not, he's not what he used to be, yeah.

Speaker 7 He used to be very, very good, but he's 32 years old.

Speaker 7 Like, it's it's it's I think he's about to be 33, so it's clear that he's on the other side of like like in his prime so he just he seems to me like a guy who he's better at being pat beverly than he is at playing defense well he still knows how to be yeah he's great at being pat beverly right the age takes away his athleticism but it doesn't take away his brain and his ability to be patrick beverly right he's like he like a turbo what's his name deshawn stevenson He's like a turbo version of that guy now.

Speaker 7 Yes, yes. There you go.
Shout out to Pacers. They were going to make it in here at some point.

Speaker 9 Yeah. You remember when it was, it was like Deshaun Stevenson versus Gilbert Arenas? And then it was Deshaun Stevenson that his new rival was going to be LeBron?

Speaker 9 Deshaun Stevenson, he's great at fomenting rivalries against people who are seven times better than he is.

Speaker 7 Just, just, I mean, it's actually genius because we're still talking about him to this day. I think we're probably the only podcast that brought him up, but

Speaker 7 it's a little, you know, lesson for everyone out there. Find a rival that's significantly better than you, and everyone will still remember your name.

Speaker 9 Absolutely.

Speaker 7 Okay, so Suns and Four is our prediction for the NBA Finals.

Speaker 9 This many big cats.

Speaker 7 Suns and four.

Speaker 7 Give Chris Paul all the accolades that he deserves. Give my man Cameron Payne all the accolades he deserved.
Garrett Payne, that guy never lacks in confidence. I love that part of his game.

Speaker 7 He still thinks that he's MJ whenever he's going to the hoop. And he's like, I got this.
I got this. But yeah, the Suns have been really fun to watch.
And I'm, yeah, I think we're all rooting.

Speaker 7 I mean, we're a Suns podcast, but they're a fucking fun ass story.

Speaker 9 Also, Campaign makes Hank look like he's got the chin from American Dad. Campaign's chin is.

Speaker 7 Oh, that was a shot. Is that because of the

Speaker 7 picture?

Speaker 9 I was saying that Hank's got a great chin compared to Campaign.

Speaker 7 But putting him on that. Thanks.

Speaker 11 Thanks, Tubby.

Speaker 7 Uh, all right, let's talk some uh name, image, and likeness. So, the world was on fire today, college athletes finally get paid.
Uh, Barstill Sports is becoming a name, image, and likeness.

Speaker 7 Uh, I don't know, like, we're, I don't even know what we are at this point. We're just signing everyone, which I'm down for.

Speaker 7 If you are an athlete, a college athlete, doesn't matter what level, hit us up. I think the uh, what is it? Is it, what's the email address that we're doing? It's a URL.

Speaker 7 Oh, there's a URL now. Yes, that's right.
There's a URL now. So we'll put it in the, I'll put it in the episode description.
So if you are a college athlete, hit us up.

Speaker 7 We unfortunately aren't, we don't decide it personally. So don't DM us.
Do the actual thing of going to the Google Doc and signing up.

Speaker 9 It's it's barstool.link slash athletes.

Speaker 7 So we're signing basically the entire NCAA.

Speaker 7 I don't know where this is going to go.

Speaker 7 I think it's either going to become, yeah, it's going to either become barstool saved the world or there's going to be like a rule set out there, and then no one's allowed to play sports ever again because of us.

Speaker 7 But either way, I'm excited for it. Now, we are also going to sign some exclusive special

Speaker 7 PMT barstool athletes. So, they have to be in the barstool affiliate first, and then we will elevate them to,

Speaker 7 it's like kind of, it's like, I never saw the Avengers, but I'm just going to call it the avengers where we just decide uh the select few hank gave me a look like that was way off but i feel like i nailed that no it's it's like it's a lot like the avengers or it's like i don't know when you get hired star wars hired to a company and then sometimes you get bumped up to the company's softball team and we're like the company's softball team yes which sponsors maybe even softball athletes so we have one already we're gonna it's gonna be select we're gonna roll them out throughout the seasons uh hank would you like to because hank actually inked this deal.

Speaker 7 Hank, would you like to announce who the first PMT bar stool athlete is?

Speaker 10 Yeah, this person reached out to me earlier. I was honored, given everything that they have going on in the world,

Speaker 10 so much responsibility and stuff. It's someone whose values I've represented and been with the whole time, someone who I really believe in.

Speaker 10 And I'm happy and proud to announce our first PMT athlete is AOC.

Speaker 7 Yes,

Speaker 10 Alex O'Connell from Creighton, Creighton Basketball.

Speaker 7 Yeah. Love it.
So

Speaker 7 print the headlines. PMT endorses AOC.

Speaker 9 PMT officially endorses AOC. We understand the value of the worker.

Speaker 7 Yes. Yes.
Alex O'Connell, welcome. You are number one, A1.

Speaker 7 Can't wait to root for you at Creighton.

Speaker 7 But yeah, we're

Speaker 7 no pressure either. No pressure.
But we're going to open it.

Speaker 9 It's going to be guys that we have like existing storylines with, guys that we've talked to before, talked about before so we're going to keep it as more of a running thing here not just everyone and hopefully get them into some content too yeah so i i tweeted out last night that i was right when the announcement came out i didn't think i just tweeted like i would like to personally i would like to sponsor a fullback uh in college football i think i think every single college foot fullback and blocking tight end DM'd me yesterday.

Speaker 9 So I've got, we've got a lot of applications to go through. Yeah.
So we're going to take it slow.

Speaker 9 We're going going to make sure that we pick the right athletes, the ones that will embody the PMT brand, that will carry

Speaker 9 that shining light on their shoulders. And we're going to definitely have a lot of fun with it.
I think that

Speaker 9 the best school so far that I've seen has been LSU in terms of just like straight up embracing it.

Speaker 9 The second that they announced it, they put out that video that was NILSU. they were ready to go for it.
And I think that that's the correct mentality to have. Like you can fight it.

Speaker 9 You can like complain that, oh, this is going to give certain teams certain advantages or whatever. But at the end of the day, you're still going to have to deal with it.

Speaker 9 So you can either fight against it and lose, or you can try to be the very best at it.

Speaker 7 Oh, you're missing a crucial third thing you can do.

Speaker 7 You can retire like a coward and take your ball and go home and fake that you have a back injury and you want to spend more time with your 25-year-old great-granddaughter.

Speaker 9 No, I think, isn't she like 30?

Speaker 7 I don't want to miss anything.

Speaker 7 I don't want to make everyone do a farewell tour on the way out.

Speaker 9 I don't want to miss any more of her adult league dodgeball games that she joined up in in a city she just moved to.

Speaker 7 My granddaughter

Speaker 7 has a wedding next summer, and I don't want to miss it.

Speaker 7 So, yeah. Oh, we're talking about this.

Speaker 9 The teams that embrace. embrace the NIL are clearly going to be the best at it.
But

Speaker 9 it's kind of ridiculous because there are no rules, really.

Speaker 9 the wild west it's just like as long as you fill out your forms and get your taxes all squared away you can you can't do business with certain companies can you do like could porn hub just straight up sponsor an athlete well the byu released something that basically was like no uh gambling, no adult entertainment, no alcohol, no coffee.

Speaker 7 And I was like, well, fuck BYU forever. So that was in their list.
I also, I do think there are rules. I just don't think anyone's read them.

Speaker 9 I don't even think that the people that are in charge of NCAA compliance right now are going to read them.

Speaker 7 Someone has the rules. Someone does.

Speaker 9 I don't think anybody does.

Speaker 9 I don't think that there is a rule. I think that it's just literally every man for himself at this point.

Speaker 7 Yeah.

Speaker 9 They might not even play sports anymore, big cat.

Speaker 7 What?

Speaker 9 They might not even play sports anymore.

Speaker 7 I know. It just might be just everyone's got a

Speaker 9 strong dudes with sweet haircuts taking checks from like America Online to tell their grandparents to sign up for a free CD. I don't know.
I don't know what it's going to look like.

Speaker 7 Local Chevy sponsorships and the, you know, the

Speaker 7 Chick-fil-A down the corner, you're going to sponsor their sweet tea. And that's it.
That's sports. Yeah.
I kind of, I'm cool with it.

Speaker 9 Yeah. The SEC on CBS this year is going to be like, hi, I'm Luke Del Rio for smoke and vape vape shops, only in, only found on 8th Avenue, downtown Jacksonville.
Come on by. Blow a cloud.

Speaker 7 What were you going to say, Billy?

Speaker 11 Technically, players can't have deals, according to the NIL, regarding alcohol, legal drugs like weed, tobacco,

Speaker 11 adult entertainment, or gambling.

Speaker 7 That's all.

Speaker 7 But coffee?

Speaker 11 Coffee, yeah, but all the other stuff, no.

Speaker 9 Good thing we're not a gambling company.

Speaker 7 Yeah, or a coffee company.

Speaker 7 Okay.

Speaker 7 All right. Let's last thing before we get to Tim Woods.
We have a great Dungeons and Dragons coming up. Just another quick reminder, no show Monday.
So don't say, where's the show?

Speaker 7 Hank, where's the show? Also, next week, Hank and Liam are taking a vacation, which they are much deserved.

Speaker 7 So we're going to have fill-in producers Jake and not Jake Marsh, Jake Lasofsky and Youngstown Bob. So that's going to be fun.
You get those guys in the mix. We'll have a new show Wednesday.

Speaker 7 We have Stu Feiner and John Morant.

Speaker 7 And then Friday, I think we're going to have our good friend Rosillo on. So we will have Wednesday and Friday shows next week.
No show Monday. Wednesday, Friday, we'll be back at it.

Speaker 7 Everyone have a safe 4th of July. What are you going to say, PFT?

Speaker 9 Just for Wednesday's show, we should do guys on chicks with Munchtown Box. And just girls, any questions that you have about tongue stuff.

Speaker 9 That's the day that you're going to want to get those questions asked.

Speaker 7 He's got you. Okay.

Speaker 9 He's not going to get tongue-tied.

Speaker 7 Last thing.

Speaker 7 Everyone just hates Bryson. I feel bad for him at this point.

Speaker 7 His Caddy, so if you missed it, Bryce, this Caddy quit right before a tournament started today, which I asked everyone around who knows golf, and I guess that's not something that happens often because I genuinely didn't know.

Speaker 7 Turns out the Caddies don't quit the day before a tournament or the day of a tournament.

Speaker 7 Are we...

Speaker 7 Is there a moment where we're going to start feeling bad for Bryson? I would say I'm 5%

Speaker 7 feeling bad for him. Hank's shaking his head.
He's like, dude, you're soft. Absolutely.
I'll admit that I might be soft. Yeah, I'll admit that I might be soft.

Speaker 7 You are, you have been leading the charge. Wait, no,

Speaker 9 yeah, you've asked this question too many times for you to not be feeling it at this point. I believe

Speaker 7 hold on.

Speaker 10 I believe the exact quote was that if uh Aaron Rodgers and Bryson were playing Hitler, Hitler and Osama bin Laden, yeah, I stand by that.

Speaker 7 I'm rooting for Hitler and Hitler and Osama. Correct.
Now, stand, stand by it. Now you feel bad for him.
No, I said, I said they're 5% of you. I said there's 5% of me.

Speaker 7 Dude, the guy's caddy can't stand him. Like,

Speaker 7 that's

Speaker 7 brutal.

Speaker 9 Yeah. Yeah.
That's like Hitler and Stalin turning on each other. That's like, yes, big cat.
This should not be. No, we do not feel bad for Bryson whatsoever.
In fact, I'm happy with this guy.

Speaker 9 The only way that I will become Team Bryson. is if Bryson disavows himself.

Speaker 9 That's the only way. Like his caddy, I said it's never too late to do the right thing in life.
That's a good lesson for everybody out there.

Speaker 9 Just because you're going down a wrong path doesn't mean you can't redeem yourself by changing course on that.

Speaker 9 His caddy, yeah, he was Bryson's friend for a while, helped him win some Mickey Mouse Asterix tournaments, but then he left because it was the right thing to do.

Speaker 9 If Bryson at some point comes out and is like, I'm a fucking dork and I suck and I don't like myself. At that point, I'll be like, you know what? I think I'm Team Bryson.
He makes

Speaker 9 a lot of good points.

Speaker 7 You guys are getting confused. I will never in my entire life beat Team Bryson.
Ever. I'm saying, is there a small part of you? Like, at some point, you win so much, which what we do.

Speaker 7 We have beaten his brains in. His caddy can't stand the thought of him.
At some point, you got to be like, you know what? Let's just let him go. I mean, look, we did it with JJ.
Watt. We did.
We did.

Speaker 7 Hank thinks that's a soft move, too.

Speaker 9 But that's because JJ is different. JJ has shown a good side of himself, and we like him now.
With

Speaker 9 listen, it's kind of a beta mentality that you've got back. You think that Tom Brady just wakes up one day, he's like, you know what?

Speaker 9 I think five Super Bowls is enough. Hank's shaking his head, no, because Hank knows.
No, you go out there and you're all about the next one.

Speaker 7 That's the listen if you want to call me a beta.

Speaker 7 If you want to call me a beta, because at some point I'm like, hey, maybe we shouldn't bully this guy to just like disappearing because it seems like we're on that road, then I'm a beta. That's fine.

Speaker 10 His catting quitting and us bullying are are not related whatsoever

Speaker 7 i mean i just know it's more about like the fact that the guy's life is falling apart i kind of you know what i want to do because here's what i want to do because of

Speaker 7 he needs to look in the mirror make i guarantee you his next caddy he'll be a little bit nicer to like his caddy quit his caddy quit with bright he's not going to be nicer to his next caddy he's bryson he can't change he's not he's going to be terrible

Speaker 9 i mean who's who's left to be bryson's it's going to be like his mom because no one else wants to work with him at all like remember when patrick Reed brought his girlfriend out there because he couldn't find a caddy to actually take the job?

Speaker 9 That's that's the level that we're at right now with Bryce. I, I will not, I don't want to go down this path, big cat.
I think that

Speaker 7 Bryce,

Speaker 9 I don't feel bad.

Speaker 7 Okay. All right.

Speaker 7 If he keeps having everyone in his life quit on him, I will, I will continue silently. I won't bring it up ever again, feeling a little bit bad for the guy.
Because I have a heart. Sorry.

Speaker 9 I don't, not in this case.

Speaker 9 Not when it comes to Bryson.

Speaker 7 I'm sorry. I also, I was thinking about it.
Like,

Speaker 7 you know what? Never mind. I was.
It's what

Speaker 7 I'm just saying. For every tiny bit.
Maybe we should have him on the podcast. No, I don't want to have him on the podcast.
I said I didn't want to have him on the podcast.

Speaker 7 I said we, I said the only way we'd have him on the podcast is if Jake Marsh asked all his questions and it was all our questions that were just super mean to Bryson.

Speaker 7 That would ruin my journalism reputation. It would ruin your journalism reputation.

Speaker 9 For every tiny bit that you feel bad for Bryson, that's actually a little bit of your heart that could be going to feeling good for Brooks.

Speaker 7 And I feel

Speaker 7 great for Brooks. I always root on Brooks.

Speaker 7 You can love Brooks. Actually, you're wrong.
That's actually wrong because you're spending so much energy hating Bryson. I'm using my energy for love for Brooks, putting my guy up.
And also, Max.

Speaker 7 Max, I only have to put in the energy

Speaker 7 twice a week because he never makes a cut, but I'm putting some energy into Max.

Speaker 7 Thursday and Friday. Those are big days

Speaker 7 for me and Max.

Speaker 9 It turns out that Bryson's caddy was the one that was living rent-free in Bryson's head. Apparently,

Speaker 9 he got mad at his caddy because Phil Mickelson the day before pretended to bend one of his clubs. And Bryson was like, yo, why did you have my back on that? And then there was another instance where

Speaker 9 like Bryson went over and started signing some autographs for fans.

Speaker 9 Like his two, two both of them were there and uh his caddy forgot to like bring his putter between the 10th and 11th green and so that was the final straw they got into an argument or whatever i don't know how much that's true i just also i have no room no room in my heart for brysons no brysons allowed this is a this is no bry zone right over here okay

Speaker 7 uh it also like just being you know like at midnight for the Instagram, making your caddy stand there with his iPhone flashlight battery on so that he can he can hit shots that are not going to help him beat Brooks anyway, because Brooks beats his brains in every time they go one-on-one.

Speaker 7 But yeah, I mean, I do feel for the caddy. The caddy's welcome to come on the show.
Um, we'd love to hear a tell-all.

Speaker 7 Uh, but yeah, I, uh, I'll just, I won't bring it up ever again. I'm not even saying that I'm going to stop hating Bryson.

Speaker 7 I'm saying if there's a small part of me as a human being that's like, this guy,

Speaker 7 it sucks to be him.

Speaker 7 man being being a father big cat has really you're pretty yeah i think other people sometimes still rich as once in a while i think about other people besides myself i i'm sorry i'm sorry the guy makes millions of dollars playing golf yeah he makes millions

Speaker 9 he doesn't have a fucking friend in his life because of himself that should be a wake-up call uh see he does have friends big cat that you don't watch his instagram videos like i do his buddy is in the background shirtless in his garage hitting the nautilus Nautilus machine super hard.

Speaker 9 Those guys.

Speaker 7 Those aren't his friends. Those aren't his friends.
Those are friends.

Speaker 9 They're using him for his resistance bands.

Speaker 7 Yeah, they're using him so that they can fucking get some protein shakes and some gains on. It's pretty clear.
Billy would be his friend if he could use his gym.

Speaker 7 He absolutely would.

Speaker 9 You know what I mean?

Speaker 9 I don't think Billy would ever lower himself to using a Nautilus machine.

Speaker 7 Yeah, that's true. That's pussy shit.
Oh, Billy?

Speaker 7 He has terrible curl form.

Speaker 11 Like he doesn't actually work out. Like he doesn't use half those machines.
You can tell.

Speaker 9 Also, one thing I've noticed about Bryson, he doesn't even look that big when he's not wearing his stupid stupid dropkick Murphy's hat.

Speaker 7 Yeah, he looks, but he does look less

Speaker 7 beefy. Yeah.

Speaker 9 his head looks smaller when he's wearing a normal person's hat i think i don't know i think he's pulling the wool over our eyes so i'm i'm out on bryson you can can continue.

Speaker 7 I am too. You guys are totally misunderstanding what I'm saying.
I'm still very much out on him. I still very much don't like him.
I want him to lose all the time because it's very funny.

Speaker 7 But I just, I have a small piece of me where I'm like, man, this guy, no one likes him. No one likes him.

Speaker 9 You see like Jeffrey Dahmer and you're like, you know what?

Speaker 7 Yeah, you're right. Yeah, the guy who ate people.
You're right. Good analogy.

Speaker 9 He was good around children.

Speaker 7 that's how you got to try to find the yeah you're right that's exactly no you're you're like look at look at old jd he you like to make people laugh so not all bad damn oh i i you're right you're right i uh i'm too soft i wish i could be as hard as you guys all the time yeah me too

Speaker 7 all right let's get to dungeons and dragons we got tim woods uh this is a very good episode Hey, it's PFT here, reminding you that Boarshead makes game day entertaining elevated and effortless.

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Speaker 6 Okay, before we get to our good friend Tim Woods doing a little Dungeon and Dragons, a quick word from our friends out there.

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It saves you on Uber and Uber Eats.

Speaker 5 I'm there for $0 delivery fee on cheeseburgers, up to 10% off smoothies, and 6% Uber credits back on rides. Just to be clear, I'm there for savings, not whatever you think college is for.

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Speaker 6 Okay, it is time. You read the episode description so you know it's back.
Dungeons and Dragons with our very, very special guest and good friend and Dragon Master.

Speaker 6 Tim Woods, who is back in person. Dungeon Master? Dungeon Master? Dragon Master? Dungeon Master or Game Master? Game Master.
Dragon Master, though. Also, Tim Woods.
Strong, strong vibes.

Speaker 6 Verified on Twitter. Yeah, Tim.
All right. Fuck yeah.
Claps sold out. Straps for Tim.

Speaker 6 I love it.

Speaker 6 Okay, so Tim, it's been a while.

Speaker 6 We have the whole crew here. Absolutely.
Great to be back. Wait, wait.
Can we just start with a good absolutely, Tim?

Speaker 6 Absolutely. 100%.

Speaker 6 Okay, so

Speaker 6 it's been a while. Good to be back.
People probably don't remember where we are in our journey, and by people, I mean, we don't. I mean, myself included, it's been a while.

Speaker 6 We're going to jump back into things kind of after a long session, but I do know that we ended things on an exciting cliffhanger, and that's going to be picking things up.

Speaker 6 The game never ends, it's just always going on. All right, so give us the synopsis recap like previously on Dungeons and Dragons.
Absolutely.

Speaker 6 So, on our previous episode of DD, we had made a journey where very few adventurers, especially at level four, end up going into the nine hells because we were pursuing somebody who is not alive,

Speaker 6 somebody who is facing off against a powerful demonic creature known as the chemist, our old companion, berserker Billy, we know was having a bit of a showdown in the nine hells at the top of a very powerful, huge tower where this demon waited.

Speaker 6 And we made our way to the top of this tower successfully with the help of some of our baby dragons.

Speaker 6 I'll have to put a smattering of little dragons on the map to show that our little dragons are here.

Speaker 6 They flew us up to the top of this tower successfully where we saw a confrontation culminate between the chemist himself and our old friend ter nemesis, Berserker Billy.

Speaker 6 We saw the chemist as he rose up to have a great confrontation seemingly go down pretty easily.

Speaker 6 All things concerned, the chemist has fallen without too much of a fight, and now Berserker Billy stands triumphant over this enemy i want to start things off by just saying that we are all level four right now but berserker billy to keep things interesting i want to reward you for your successful battle against the chemist i didn't see anybody else fight the chemist so berserker billy chemist took his dive

Speaker 6 it's debatable it did seem like he had a lot more hit points in war mode it seems like he had a lot of more hit points and he just fell over the chemist he is lying prone at the top of this tower And Berserker Billy, you are level six, right?

Speaker 6 What?

Speaker 6 Whereas the other characters are only level four at the moment. Now, they are on the very cusp of level five.
Anything that we might do could level us up to level five.

Speaker 6 But right now, Berserker Billy, you're standing a step ahead with a little bit more hit points and a little bit more left. But don't be dead.
You killed him like six times.

Speaker 6 He is dead. He's like the Kinney of South Park of our DD game.
I think he's died every episode. He is now a Goliath in his infernal afterlife form.

Speaker 6 Technically speaking, you are not a Goliath at all, but really a devilish creature who has still the form of your original life. Okay.

Speaker 6 He's a dead level six. He's a dead level six.
He's a hollow level six. Because I was going to say, tough as ghosts.
If this somehow turns out that Billy wins this game.

Speaker 6 You're in trouble in real life.

Speaker 6 Okay. Just want to say we're armed and dangerous.
Yeah. Fake weapons.

Speaker 6 All right. So this is exciting.
So the chemist and Billy, Berserker Billy, have gone at it. We're sitting there watching.

Speaker 6 And we're ready to roll. It seems like as the chemist went down, first of all, a wave of Regenerex-fueled energy is flowing out from him.

Speaker 6 And all of us are back up to full hit points and full spell slots. So we don't need to worry about anything that we did in previous sessions in terms of taking wounds.

Speaker 6 Ehrlich, notably the Warlock, had taken some wounds, I believe, from some flames. But Ehrlich, you are regenerated back up to your full hit points at the moment.

Speaker 6 We have all of our resources, but that goes for Berserker Billy as well.

Speaker 6 No.

Speaker 6 Hank is trying to get the mask on while it's off. He's got a full face mask, like a helmet covering everything.
The headphones are

Speaker 6 an issue.

Speaker 6 I don't think they really thought of podcast recording when they made it.

Speaker 6 We got to make a podcast helmet. Yeah.
Yeah. Okay, so where are we starting? Absolutely.

Speaker 6 In theory, we are looking at Berserker Billy standing triumphant over the form of the chemist, which is rapidly dissolving before us.

Speaker 6 And I would be wondering, we kind of left things on the note where we were going to maybe have a confrontation potentially against Berserker Billy.

Speaker 6 However, if we were to do that, it just became a little bit tougher if we were going to try to take him down. Also, keep in mind, we have a mission here.

Speaker 6 We have a gemstone that was handed to Ehrlich that was given to us by our dragon friends who are helping us take care of all these dragon babies.

Speaker 6 And we were told that this gem needs to be filled with the soul of one powerful spirit.

Speaker 6 One powerful spirit is now being defeated before us, and we could try to bind that one, but there's another person here who qualifies as a powerful spirit.

Speaker 6 And if we want to bind anybody here in the nine hells into this gem, we need a price that will be paid to the mighty undead wizard who's going to make armor for all of our baby dragons so they can fight in Dragon Bull.

Speaker 6 So, right now we need a soul, but it's our choice.

Speaker 6 We're going to be training our team, but they need uniforms first.

Speaker 6 And if we go to the Undead Wizard, he's not going to give us those uniforms unless we have a soul in this ruby that was entrusted to Ehrlich.

Speaker 6 So, we're going to need one soul, but it's up to us which soul we want to grab.

Speaker 6 Billies, we could get Billies.

Speaker 6 How badly after this fight does Berserker Billy feel like he needs to take a break? Because he might want to just volunteer and leave our journey for a while and kind of lay low.

Speaker 6 Maybe just like put himself into the gym. He could sacrifice himself and just jump into the gym, and you could be traveling.
Traveling with him, it's one of the ways you can get out of the nine hells.

Speaker 6 It's not the worst thing that could happen to you. That would be kind of

Speaker 6 like

Speaker 6 I'm looking at the gym right now, and it's pretty sick. Like, if I were to be trapped in my soul for all eternity, that's a pretty bitching thing to do.

Speaker 6 You don't know what it would be like to be in a gym. so um

Speaker 6 in the gem what exactly

Speaker 6 would i be doing it's unclear what would happen to you if you were in the gym just be chilling you don't know what it would feel like maybe you'd have no memories of it maybe you would only remember coming back out of it like when you're asleep or it could be horrible could it revive me

Speaker 6 It could revive you potentially, depending on what they do with the soul once they bring it out of the the nine hells, we're gonna soul fuck you.

Speaker 6 I'm not getting in the gem.

Speaker 6 I will only get in the gem if you guarantee it. I just wanted to be honest with you, Billy.
I will fuck your soul. It's occurring to me, I might stay in the nine hells too, potentially.

Speaker 6 I'm staying in hell.

Speaker 6 Yeah, okay.

Speaker 6 Don't we get to decide?

Speaker 6 You, in theory, know, Ehrlich, having studied this ruby, that it does have the power to trap a spirit, but only after that spirit has been defeated, after its hit points have been reduced to zero.

Speaker 6 Okay.

Speaker 6 I say we just steal a soul. We just steal a soul.
We just push him into non-consensual soul stealing. Full hit points right now, Billy.

Speaker 6 Just give up, Billy. Did I just heal everybody? No, you did not.
Way to take credit for Tim's work. No, but didn't I just release healing for everybody?

Speaker 6 The chemist, when defeated by you, released a wave of healing energy.

Speaker 6 But he took a dive.

Speaker 6 I healed everybody. But he took a dive.

Speaker 6 But you didn't beat up the chemist to heal us. You did it because you wanted more.

Speaker 6 $50,000. No, the chemist was going to jump.
What?

Speaker 6 Oh,

Speaker 6 are you serious? Yeah, how much was it? The chemist was going to seduce

Speaker 6 Big Cat's boss's wife. Yeah.

Speaker 6 And so that's why you beat the chemist up. Right.
Yeah.

Speaker 6 Only for that reason. You did it for my honor, which I appreciate.
And you see,

Speaker 6 yeah, I will say, I will like to.

Speaker 6 That was me.

Speaker 6 We're still grieving, okay?

Speaker 6 So they could get back together. Could I just like

Speaker 6 could we just like leave me alone? No.

Speaker 6 Oh, no. I mean, you gotta pull water to the people.

Speaker 6 People want us to soul fuck them.

Speaker 6 What are you gonna do? Let me ask you this: if we did leave you alone, what would your plan of action be? Like, honestly, if you were like, can I come, can you come like chill and help us?

Speaker 6 I'd be like, yeah.

Speaker 6 So you do whatever we ask. Yeah.
Would you lie to us? No.

Speaker 6 That was a lie.

Speaker 6 That was a lie.

Speaker 6 I'm literally in hell. I don't have that many options.

Speaker 6 Yeah, we're still going to soul fuck you. Yeah, let's soul fuck you.
Billy, your soul's going into the Ruby. Yep.
Sorry. Do I have a choice? No.
No. But I'm a level six.
Sorry. Yeah.

Speaker 6 Your choice would be to defend yourself. You can't get trapped in the gem as long as you have hit points.
Guys, I really don't want to fight you guys.

Speaker 6 Well, then don't. I don't want to fight your ass.

Speaker 6 I don't want to fight you guys. Then just do it.
Yeah, then just give it to us. That's the easy way to do this.
There's an easy and a hard way.

Speaker 6 We can either take your soul or you can give us your soul. But I would end up killing at least one of you by the time I left.
You don't know that. You don't know that.
I'm a level six.

Speaker 6 Okay, well, I was a level six. Hey, roll the dice.
Try us and find out. Fuck around, find out.
Yeah.

Speaker 6 Okay, I'll just get into the gym. All right.
Okay, let's go. Let's go.
I'm in the gym. But you better let me out.
Because

Speaker 6 I am the strongest one.

Speaker 6 You just signed on the episode line. You guys guys are.
Watch out. You're right.
Okay, all right. So we've got Billy's.
I'm trusting you. So you have stolen his soul.
Tim, who gets to carry the ruby?

Speaker 6 Is it on a chain? It was given to Ehrlich, but only because Ehrlich's the warlock here. You're the master of dark magic.
If anyone can trap a soul,

Speaker 6 we've got Cake the Wizard as well, but in theory, this is kind of demonic magic, your speciality. So

Speaker 6 it was handed to you. What we do with the gem is up to the team.
It would be a real shame if you misplaced that soul. Maybe drop it.
How much is there like

Speaker 6 on a black market?

Speaker 6 Yes.

Speaker 6 So there's a huge black market for souls. Depending on how powerful they are, the black market goes pretty far down, also.

Speaker 6 There are beings that consume souls that eventually those souls are getting sold to.

Speaker 6 Yeah, what's the going rate? Let's sell that soul to Deloitte.

Speaker 6 To Deloitte and make him an accountant for the rest of his life.

Speaker 6 I was going to say, can we sell his soul to Bleach Report to the Advanced Dog?

Speaker 6 It would be worth a lot of money. It would be worth over 10,000 gold pieces.

Speaker 6 So we're talking about more money than we've ever gotten in our adventure. Hell yes.
Berserker Billy, clarify for me. You said you were willing to get into the gem, but I want to be clear about this.

Speaker 6 You would have needed to be like either somebody come attack me or drive your own hammer. You wield a hammer, so crush your head or something like that.
Oh, so wait. Could I just run away?

Speaker 6 No, no, you signed. You already signed.
I didn't sign. You just said you were getting

Speaker 6 the gym. No sold back.
You didn't get in with the gem. Tell us how you did it.
Can I just run away? No. But I didn't get it.
Yeah, you can run directly into the gym.

Speaker 6 No dice were rolled. So I didn't see any damage happening.
I heard you wanted to get into the gym, and I would have wondered what you did. Billy, we were joking about all that stuff.

Speaker 6 I just want to run away. Just let me live in hell.
This was a test, Billy. If you had willingly gotten into the gym, we would have been like, okay, we're setting you free.
Yeah. And you failed.

Speaker 6 You failed. We will set you free if you fail.
Honestly,

Speaker 6 you gave me really no confidence about the gem. So that was just a prank.
Yeah, I'm just going to run away.

Speaker 6 There was some time you would have had to walk to them before you could have gotten in the gem or hurt yourself or done anything. And at some point, you've started to get suspicious.

Speaker 6 You can try to run away. There's not many places to go, but back down from this tower.
When we see him start running, what would the rest of us be doing?

Speaker 6 I would be telling everybody, like, hey, do we have a son?

Speaker 6 This guy's soul is worth less money now because he's proven to be a liar. It's actually valid.
Yeah.

Speaker 6 Wait, so he's running deeper into hell.

Speaker 6 It seems like he is trying to run deeper into hell. You can descend down tower the same way we can.
Let him go. Let him go.
Have fun. Yeah.
All right. See you, Billy.

Speaker 6 No one's taking attacks as you run away, Billy. Do you run for the trap door? Is that right? The door that leads back down out of the shit.

Speaker 6 Yeah. Absolutely.
As you run for that, no one's trying to stop you. It's like a spring break.

Speaker 6 He's negotiating. The issue is so bad.
Let him go. Let him go.

Speaker 6 No, it's the rum springer. Oh, no, don't go, Billy.
Please. Please, don't go deeper into hell.
I would like for you to roll a D20 to climb down

Speaker 6 the tower. Oh, shit.
I hope you don't get a high roll. Wait, guys, I'm going to chase him.
I'm coming after you, Billy. Wait, come on.
Roll a D20, and you have a plus six on athletics.

Speaker 6 Wait, roll it on the ground. 16.
I see a 16. Oh, wait.
No, he's deep six.

Speaker 6 You climb down the chains and tubes of steroids that were hanging from this tower, and you're able to jump

Speaker 6 and you see just a sea of lava out before you but but I have to be fair there's still an open portal but you don't know if you can take it there's an open portal about 200 feet away from the tower and then just hell that's it just all of the plane of avernus one of the top layers of hell stretching out before you you don't know what'll happen if you a devilish spirit try to go through that portal so there's a chance that I don't have to go to hell you know you just

Speaker 6 you could go out through hell and we'll see what happens there or or you could run for the portal. The portal might not necessarily be hell, right? The portal definitely leads out of hell.

Speaker 6 You can see hell and then one little window of like green forest, but they can use it because they're still alive. You're dead and in hell, technically.
You don't know what'll happen.

Speaker 6 I'd get out of hell. You'd run for the portal.
Absolutely make it. I'd go for the portal.
As you run for the portal with that athletics, check you're making it sprinting.

Speaker 6 The others might be able to watch you as you're running for this portal from the top of the tower as he sprints for the portal are we doing anything or just letting him run can i do like uh like the wily coyote like can i paint over the door so it's just like a cement wall that he runs into um you can't but with somebody here has illusion magic the bard can do this yeah

Speaker 6 i'd like to paint a tunnel okay like a train tunnel so

Speaker 6 so i want to be very clear you'll make a train tunnel appear yeah he might not know it but it won't actually stop him it'll just be an illusion is that okay all right cool cool straighten the wall So, all you see, Berserker Billy, is as you're running for this beautiful forest window leading out of hell back to the material plane, suddenly it changes into a train tunnel.

Speaker 6 And there's a burr-burm, and like a train is rushing at you. Roll an intelligent saving throw to see if you can figure out what is really going on here.
You have a plus zero on this, I'm sorry to say.

Speaker 6 If you want to roll on the floor, all of you will turn up the turn up. Can I also drop?

Speaker 6 Can I drop an anvil on his head?

Speaker 6 That'll be an all-usory anvil hurling down on him. Yes.
All right, here we go. 100%.

Speaker 6 You got to jump through or else you're going to be. 20.

Speaker 6 A natural 20.

Speaker 6 He turns. Thank you so much.
It turns translucent. You can see right through it.
You know an illusion when you see one. Maybe it was the anvil above where you're like, this doesn't add up.

Speaker 6 And you are able to see these don't aren't real. And therefore, if they hit you, they can't hurt you now that you know they're not real.

Speaker 6 And you could jump right through this train tunnel to get through the portal you think to the material plane. So, does that mean they can't see where I go in the portal because of their own illusion?

Speaker 6 Yeah, yeah, actually, their own illusion is currently concealing the portal. Although you can see through it because it's your illusion.
Okay, yeah, just go through the portal. Absolutely.

Speaker 6 You jump through the portal. And Berserker Billy, I want you to roll a D20 to see how successful your return to the material plane is.
Double hell. I literally just might die right here.

Speaker 6 You're already dead. We'll double die.

Speaker 6 See what we got. That is a 10.
We weren't adding anything to that. So it's the perfect average result I predicted.
You come flying out of the portal. You made it.

Speaker 6 Somehow, this portal allowed you, a damned soul, to return from hell.

Speaker 6 And then you look at your body.

Speaker 6 And it's not your body. Please roll a novel.

Speaker 6 Did you lose all your games?

Speaker 6 Are you weak boy now?

Speaker 6 All right, here you go. I'll even put out my book next time.
So you get your old. Shaky helpless.
A critical hit.

Speaker 6 You know exactly what you have become right now, Berserker Billy, because you've seen it before.

Speaker 6 Your friend, quote-unquote, Ehrlich, has a little minion

Speaker 6 known as an imp

Speaker 6 named Lola. You are also an imp right now.
Yes. You do not have any of your spells.
You don't have any of your stats. You only have the same stats as as an imp.
Tim, I have a quick question.

Speaker 6 I've heard that imps, they

Speaker 6 primarily dine on like vegetables and fruits and seeds and things. They don't really like eating meat.
Is that true?

Speaker 6 What's interesting about that is technically they can eat whatever they want, but they're punished in such a way that the only things they can eat are things that they didn't like eating when they were alive.

Speaker 6 So it's always the food that they didn't like.

Speaker 6 So no meat. If they love meat when they were alive, then you can't even eat it.
It's poisoned. And

Speaker 6 imps can't procreate, right? Imps don't have generally anything. No such general, yeah.
You're flat like a Kin Doll down there.

Speaker 6 You do, however, have a scorpion tail. Plus, Billy.
It can poison people. It's a eunuch.
And you can turn invisible, and you can turn into a raven, a spider, or a rat. Am I still level six?

Speaker 6 You are not level six anymore. I'm sorry to say you are an imp instead.
Come on, Billy. You said you're a vegan.
Oh,

Speaker 6 I just kill myself again. You might want to.
Oh, he's not strong enough. He's not strong enough.
He's killing him.

Speaker 6 If you kill yourself, all that will happen is you'll return to hell and you'll stay an imp. Oh.
Oh, an imp in hell. Damn.

Speaker 6 This is like the worst decision ever. Yeah.

Speaker 6 You are currently in the material plane. I'm going to say that at the very least, our bard Wayne can see you looking at yourself and maybe screaming in horror.

Speaker 6 Would any of us be doing anything as this information is traded around? Laughing at him. We don't have it.

Speaker 6 We're laughing at him yes we also don't have a soul right now but the body of the chemist is still disintegrating i want to highlight that and berserker billy i'm going to say you were a cleric in life the god of the goliaths the god of competition and sports the god kavaki the ram lord may take pity on you you can roll one more time to see as you try to figure out is there a way to restore yourself from your imp form

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Speaker 6 Another critical hit. That would make three today, I think.
That is unbelievable. Whoa.
You know, there is a holy site somewhere nearby, actually, in the mountains, that is sacred to Kavaki.

Speaker 6 And if you can make it there, he may restore you to life. And if you do a good job with it, he may even restore you at level six, potentially.

Speaker 6 I will let other people here.

Speaker 6 What would you be doing when you make that realization? It's given to you you as a vision from Kavaki. Just try to get there as fast as possible.
Start flying there.

Speaker 6 I will let everybody here try an insight check on the imp to notice that he seems to have a plan as he flies away on the other side of the portal. That would be.
Okay, which dice am I using here?

Speaker 6 It's going to be the D20. Oh, here we go.
I got it. Got some D20s there? Yeah.

Speaker 6 And I got a D20 here for. All right, so we're all rolling.
Yep. I'll go.

Speaker 6 I got a five. Not great.

Speaker 6 Not great. We need at least a 15.
That's exactly what I got.

Speaker 6 15 absolutely.

Speaker 6 And you're getting to add your Arcana or history bonus. And I think you do have at least like a plus four.
So that's a five. I got a three Arcana.
I've got a three history. Okay, excellent.

Speaker 6 So with a 15 plus three, that's an 18. Oh, sorry.

Speaker 6 This is an insight check, I should have said. So do you have an insight bonus under your skills? Insight, I have...

Speaker 6 No, I don't see insight. No insight.
Still with a plus zero. You are able, just barely, to tell.
That imp has a plan. If anybody got a 20 or higher on their insight check yeah give it a roll see if uh

Speaker 6 20 20

Speaker 6 okay that means Ehrlich the warlock guess who else knows about sacred sites in the mountain you know where he's going exactly right now

Speaker 6 so you don't know if you can cut him off at the pass unless you have some kind of a plan he you know exactly how fast he is he's as fast as your imp which is faster than most of us not faster than your imp ironically so if we have a and maybe not faster than our dragons oh

Speaker 6 jake you want to be able to keep pace yeah yeah i rolled a 10 absolutely with a 10 you you are kind of privy to some of this information about

Speaker 6 with a 12 you kind of saw him fleeing but you're hearing from the others that he has a plan and you know where he's going

Speaker 6 When and we are at the top of the tower. In theory, our main quest here was to get a soul so we could still grab the soul before we leave and chase Berserker Billy.
Or we can do whatever we want here.

Speaker 6 In theory,

Speaker 6 well, get on the dragons, cut them off. Well, we need to kill him.
We need the soul, right? Because we got to make the uniforms.

Speaker 6 We do need a soul, and he should be a strong enough soul contained within that imp4. Perfect.
So let's just get him. Anyway, let's get him.
Could they have used the chemist's soul the whole time?

Speaker 6 They could have used it. What the fuck, guys?

Speaker 6 That shit is poison, bad soul. Yeah.
It's actually the worst soul. He's soulless.
Yeah.

Speaker 6 Let's get this imp soul so we can make our uniforms. Absolutely.
With your dragon's help, they could try flying you through the portal and try to run down Berserker Billy the Imp.

Speaker 6 But each of our dragons are going to need to make an athletics check. So I'd like each of us to roll two D20s and take the higher D20 for our dragons.
They only have a plus zero, really, on this

Speaker 6 babies. 18.
Natural 20. You're doing fine.
Don't even worry about the second roll. I can't do any better.
Five. 20.
20, another 20? Excellent. Vote with the first one.

Speaker 6 We're going to have to see your roll in a second. That means.
Probably not that good. He's got a team team.
Team, absolutely. Seven.
Seven. And...
20.

Speaker 6 You are noticing, Berserker Billy, as you fly for the mountains in your imp form, you think you're doing great.

Speaker 6 Then suddenly, in bursts of elemental energy, poison, fire, lightning, these dragons are coming through the portal. They are moving...
Full speed towards you, and they are moving so fast.

Speaker 6 And with the wind, they are overtaking you. Unless you can also roll a D20.
Can I just say, real quick, just chasing after impass Billy is just so fucking funny. Oh, I'm having a great time.

Speaker 6 I love how Billy could have just gotten it. He does that middle.
He could have gotten in, but he's not. And he's like, no, you know what? I'm just going to leave you guys.
You said you were going to.

Speaker 6 What were you going to do to my soul? We were going to. I was going to fuck it.
I was actually. You were exploring the options.

Speaker 6 But you could have taken the other soul the whole time. No, but your soul is younger and tighter.

Speaker 6 I would have taken your soul. I would have given it to my team of dragons before the Dragon Ball.

Speaker 6 Let them pass you around a little bit, get loose. So team bonding, Phoenix Suns,

Speaker 6 18. 18.

Speaker 6 That is not quite enough, unfortunately, because we had a bunch of critical hits. Close,

Speaker 6 Billy. Because your total's a 21 and they got critical hits, but technically they only got 20s.

Speaker 6 I'm going to say this: they haven't caught up to biting range or melee range, but they can breathe their elemental blast at you. Let's blast it.
So I am going to ask a question. Let's see.

Speaker 6 The three people who got critical hits. That was...
Let's start with you, Cake. Cake the Wizard, which dragons would you have taken? Your choices are, again, Irvin, the prismatic dragon.
We don't know

Speaker 6 what he shoots out of his breath weapon. You also have the two white dragons, Stephen A and B.

Speaker 6 You have the black dragon, skip one and two.

Speaker 6 You have the green dragon, Mello. The blue dragon LeAngelo.

Speaker 6 And the red dragon, Lonzo. Which would you like to? Those are some great options there.
I like to. You need two dragons to fly you.
Because they're little dragons. Okay, I'm going to go with Mello.

Speaker 6 It's a wild pick. Absolutely.

Speaker 6 We're going to go with Irvin, the first one. Absolutely.
Irvin and Mello, then. I'm going to say they're the first to catch up with you right now, Berserker Billy.

Speaker 6 Are you telling them fire all breath weapons? Try to take him out of the air? Absolutely.

Speaker 6 Then, first of all, poison shoots out of Mello the Green Dragon's mouth. She is upset as it has no effect on an imp, unfortunately.
So that breath weapon didn't work.

Speaker 6 But then the prismatic dragon shoots out poison and fire, neither of which does anything, and then also lightning and cold and other energy that does hurt this imp.

Speaker 6 I'm going to need to see a saving throw for you, Berserker Billy, to see if you can avoid this blast. You have a plus three, and as long as you can get like a 15, you'll take no damage.

Speaker 6 Sorry to say, with a 13,

Speaker 6 go ahead and roll. This will be about 2d6.
If you have any of this. Perfect.
I'm going to pass this over to you.

Speaker 6 Actually, I know how many hit points you have, but it's 3d6, unfortunately, coming your way. So it's going to be all three of those.
And tell me how much damage you end up with.

Speaker 6 We're going one at a time or all three? All three added together. All right.

Speaker 6 You're going to have 15. 246.
The evening.

Speaker 6 2-4-6. So that's already 12 out of 15 of the hit points that this imp has right now.

Speaker 6 He is almost down.

Speaker 6 And then we still had two other people who were catching up right now.

Speaker 6 Were you catching up? Yes, I had a 20. Yep.
Absolutely. Then I would like to see what dragons were you going to bring.
I'll go with Stephen B and skip two. Absolutely.
So Stephen 2.

Speaker 6 So it's like Shannon and Max. Yes.
Yeah. Absolutely.

Speaker 6 You are getting skip two, Stephen B, a white and a black dragon, and they are shooting cold and acid energy. The acid isn't dealing full damage, but the cold is dealing full damage.

Speaker 6 And so roll one saving throw against both of them. Honestly, if you don't pass this one, the combined damage is going to be enough.
You only have three hits. You can't give up, Billy.

Speaker 6 Like you're probably not going to get it. I want to die.
I'm an imp. Yeah.
You're a simp.

Speaker 6 Critical hit. Ah, no damage in the fucking movie.
One more chance.

Speaker 6 Ehrlich, what dragons are you taking with you? I think I'll take L'Angelo and Lonzo and make LeVar's dream come true. All the dragons on one team.
Absolutely love it. The dragons come swooping in.

Speaker 6 The blue and red dragon are the two most powerful of the wormlings, except for that prismatic when we don't know what's going on there. But those two dragons, as they come cruising in, breathe fire.

Speaker 6 Fortunately, no damage for the fire, but the blue dragon breathes lightning. Roll a saving throw versus the blue dragon's lightning because it is one of the strongest dragons.

Speaker 6 This will take you down. If you do it, no batter, no batter, no bad, no batter, no badda.

Speaker 6 I just want this to be over.

Speaker 6 It is over.

Speaker 6 Oh, you are vaporized by a blast of lightning. Can we do it slowly, though? Absolutely.
It is electricity.

Speaker 6 The dragon is able to shoot out a thin stream of lightning and then just keep tasing you for the better part of the day. So he's like, ah,

Speaker 6 that's

Speaker 6 very much so. Yep.
And then, Ehrlich, as his body starts to vaporize, it's only an imp's body. It's vaporizing very quickly.

Speaker 6 Unless you roll a dexterity-based check with a plus two, you are not going to trap this soul in time. Go ahead and give it a roll.
But you knew your dragons were helping you out here.

Speaker 6 You can roll two times and take the higher result.

Speaker 6 Two. Two.

Speaker 6 Ten. Ten.
Plus two is twelve. And that is just barely enough to trap Berserker Billy's soul inside the gem.

Speaker 6 The good news is, in the gem, suddenly you find yourself a sixth level cleric once more of the Ram Lord Goliath looking at yourself, but everything's red.

Speaker 6 It's like you are immersed in red light, and it's very like Twin Peaks vibes. You're standing in what looks like a checkered floor with pillars all around you that disappear into darkness.

Speaker 6 It's just everything tinged red. As you try to leave this room, the floor just keeps moving.
It's like any direction you move in, it just goes on forever.

Speaker 6 As you look around, you can see the edges of the gem wall, but you can't reach out to them.

Speaker 6 Tim, let me just, just in this room,

Speaker 6 there are no cores light, right? There are no alcoholic beverages whatsoever.

Speaker 6 So, wait, he's in a gym.

Speaker 6 Are you you making that sound like a gym? Like, can he work out?

Speaker 6 In theory. He's created fitness.
If he works out too hard, there's a lunk alarm that goes off.

Speaker 6 He gets smashed. Do I just can I be just left alone in this gym though? You are? So here's the question.

Speaker 6 In a certain sense, yes, you are safe. If they want to affect you in any way, they need to get kind of creative at this point.

Speaker 6 But there are ways that Ehrlich in particular might be aware of that this soul, at the very least, can be put into something else.

Speaker 6 I have a quick question here about the soul. Could we, in theory, take the gem and then feed it to the chemist and then re, like, invigorate the chemist with Billy's soul?

Speaker 6 Yes, I 100% could try to do that. The chemist's soul is somewhere still around hell, just defeated.
And if you go find him, you might be able to revitalize

Speaker 6 power for him. I would like to have the chemist on our side because he's bigger than Billy, so he's probably way stronger.
Way taller. Yeah, way taller, heavier.

Speaker 6 So if we could roll with him, but like with Billy's soul inside of it rejuvenating it, that might be cool. Mm-hmm.
Seems like it would really empower him. Yeah.
You guys want to hang out with Jose?

Speaker 6 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 6 As his daughter. That's a dude, he's kind of sweet.
Yeah, he's pretty awesome. Low-key.
40-40, man.

Speaker 6 So how do we do that?

Speaker 6 In theory, you can go bring this gem back.

Speaker 6 The portal's already open. No need to open another portal.
Your dragons fly you through once more to hunt down the soul of the chemist. Whoever has the best Arcana score here.

Speaker 6 Oh, but I I do have to give advantage to the Warlock. See if you can track him down with an Arcana roll.
The Warlock would have advantage, but you have the best Arcana chest. Plus six.

Speaker 6 Plus six, exactly. So if you want to give it a roll,

Speaker 6 I'll let you know if you think you know where the soul would have gone. All right.

Speaker 6 17. 17 with a set.
And was that including yours? 6, 23. Oh, 23 with the 23 total.
You know exactly what to do here. His soul is still in the tower right now.

Speaker 6 In fact, if you were to come back into this room with the cool arena stage where the two of them had faced off, you think underneath that stage, there had been that archway.

Speaker 6 There's going to be a stone embedded in the tower or maybe a piece of bone, some sort of a phylactery that's containing the essence of this devilish creature.

Speaker 6 And if you were to go there, put the gem against it and do a quick ritual that one of you could do with an Arcana check, then you would be able to reinvigorate the chemist.

Speaker 6 Would you like to go through the portal and do that? Yeah, let's do it. Absolutely.
You get back to the tower. All the devils who were there before scatter when they see us this time.

Speaker 6 They've learned better. We've defeated the chemist.

Speaker 6 In a sense, ended. And then as we flew in, we do in fact see it's not a bone or a stone, but a strange like pillar that is shaped kind of like a needle a little bit poking up.

Speaker 6 And then you are noticing that this is where his essence has retreated into.

Speaker 6 You can roll another Arcana check or the Warlock to see this will actually be plus your spell attack bonus, which is still a plus six. Doesn't make a difference.
Here we go.

Speaker 6 Five plus six, eleven. Eleven is not quite enough.
It does not release him, but it doesn't suffuse his power. And you hear the chemist getting angry within.

Speaker 6 He is starting to rise up and he's starting to like regather a form of some kind. You could try again, but it would be with disadvantage, unless you want the warlock.

Speaker 6 I'm going to hand it off to my teammate. Absolutely.
Good call. Warlock, you would have advantage.

Speaker 6 If you roll two times, you'll also have a plus six on this, but you have advantage because this is your speciality. Two? You can roll a second time now with advantage.

Speaker 6 Can I give him inspiration? Yes, you can. It's gone.

Speaker 6 I'm doing the thing where the guy holds his teammate's chin up. Roll a D6 to see how much.
Sorry about that, my bad. To see how much you are giving him as a bonus.

Speaker 6 Two. Plus two.

Speaker 6 So you can roll another time now with an extra plus two, so it's plus eight. Uh-oh.

Speaker 6 Four. Four.
Okay. Four was still the higher roll, but with the plus eight, it's a 12.
The chemist is getting angrier. We have one try left.
Now that means you could try Wayne with your Arcana.

Speaker 6 You only have, I think, a plus three or a plus three. So you could try it, or you could try it, Cake, with disadvantage,

Speaker 6 or you could try it with just one roll, Hank. It would be up to you if you want to risk it, or you could try it.

Speaker 6 Both of you would get one roll, but at this this point you would get disadvantage i'll do a lebron james at the end of the game i'll pass it off to my teammates absolutely love it yeah good teammate see how it goes all right you're the bard so maybe you can convince this this devil to receive this energy 14 okay 14 plus three plus three 17 17 is just barely enough you are able to convince the chemist to feed upon this soul energy and the next thing you know berserker billy you are being pulled like a fish on a hook out of the gemstone and into this giant silver syringe.

Speaker 6 And then bursting out of it, it shatters. And standing in the center is the chemist once more spreading his mighty wings, flexing his beefy muscles.

Speaker 6 But you can see embedded in his chest, a helmet with horns sticking out of it. Like it's stitched into his body.
And then inside the helmet these eyes light up and what do you say berserker billy

Speaker 6 wait

Speaker 6 where am i you are inside the body of the chemist right now you can't move you're just ahead again he boofed you

Speaker 6 and uh you are implanted on his chest kind of like that uh little guy in uh total recall

Speaker 6 Jesus.

Speaker 6 Craying in teenage units. Yeah, that was a much better pull.
Thank you. Oh, I love it.

Speaker 6 I'm just like

Speaker 6 whatever. Absolutely.
You say whatever, and he roars with laughter and says, I live once more. He grabs these two tubes, just jams them into his body.

Speaker 6 You see his muscles growing even bigger, and you feel juiced up as well, except you only feel his arms.

Speaker 6 You don't have any ability to control them. Okay.
You don't think you do. Would you like to attempt to control the body?

Speaker 6 could i just be left alone yeah yeah you could have just

Speaker 6 can i always just remember like what was our original like what what are we supposed to be doing we gotta go get the dragon ball we need a gem we need a soul still we haven't gotten a soul yet now it's about the friends we made along it's about the friends we made that's the important thing i i have

Speaker 6 so i have a question so one of my powers that i have my spells is the zone of truth absolutely right so it's just like you have to be honest you you get a saving throw but you know if they pass the saving throw and as long as they fail they have to tell the truth.

Speaker 6 Yeah, I would like to know how good of a teammate exactly Cake would be. How good his sportsmanship is.
Would Cake sacrifice his soul for the good of the rest of us to go play in the Dragon Bowl?

Speaker 6 Absolutely. Or is he just being polite when he would say so? You're asking Cake the Wizard this.
So Cake the Wizard, you don't even know he's roller kind of, you know a zone of truth spell.

Speaker 6 When it gets cast, you're asked to step into the circle. Would you willingly do this? I would gladly sacrifice for the sake of the team.

Speaker 6 Now you have the option to just say, I'm failing the saving throw and automatically fail it so that you'll have to tell the truth. Do you want to do that or do you want to roll to see if you can lie?

Speaker 6 Whatever is best for the team. I'm not a liar.
Absolutely. So you voluntarily fail the saving throw.
Now, anytime, it's like liar-liar. Anytime you try to tell the truth,

Speaker 6 a lie, the truth will come out instead. And what do you want to ask Cake? You do you ask him if he'll be a good teammate? Cake, will you go ahead and sacrifice yourself?

Speaker 6 Will you slit your own throat and hop into this gym? Absolutely. Wow.
Wow.

Speaker 6 And that is the truth cake for you absolutely that's awesome i mean cake to be fair as the wizard you'd know the kind of thing where it's like if we needed to we could get my soul back and put it back into my body you know magic for doing that but the only reason i'm asking is it sounds like we're kind of out of off we're out of i'll so i'll i'll i'll cut his neck absolutely no that's so he doesn't have to do it himself that's that's the the new cone of truth which how do you want to die

Speaker 6 whatever gives you guys the most pleasure how do you want to die i'll cut your neck okay you can cut my neck Absolutely.

Speaker 6 And I just want to check, Kake, is there any reason you would want to make an Arcana check to see if you know before you get your neck cut whether there's another soul we could grab somewhere around here?

Speaker 6 Are you showing any signs of betrayal? Absolutely. Lovely.
Just making sure.

Speaker 6 Check. Check to see.
Check to see. Maybe there's another soul.
There might be other souls we could grab. There could be one nearby, Jake.
Are you being honest? Yes. Okay.

Speaker 6 You know what I think would be best for the team? If Jake... at least showed a little bit of curiosity to know like, hey, maybe...
If you think that's the best, then I will do it.

Speaker 6 That's what the team thinks.

Speaker 6 absolutely so the team's the test yeah the team is going to ask you to cut your neck you are gonna be putting your soul into the gem is that right yes absolutely well wait he said he wanted me to do are we just creating a superhuman with billy and jake combined wait jake are you are you saying that you don't want to cut your own neck i'm so confused so i will cut the neck for you i'm just i'm curious to know if there's another soul around jake didn't seem that interested, but I think that Jake, or excuse me, Cake should be interested to know if there's another soul.

Speaker 6 So you want, as a team, wants Cake to be interested in. Yes, is that right? I just like him to be.
I don't really care about the results. I just want him to be interested.

Speaker 6 Did you like to roll an Arcana check? Absolutely. Get a 15 or higher.
You might know about other devilish spirits around here.

Speaker 6 18. 18.
That's before the Arcana check. 624.

Speaker 6 You absolutely know with the 24

Speaker 6 that this region of hell is not run by the chemist at all. He is just a prisoner here in this one tower.

Speaker 6 This whole sea of lava and this domain is ruled by an evil archdevil called Zaryel, a fallen angel, but she has a lieutenant somewhere nearby.

Speaker 6 A lieutenant who is kind of a winged creature that dual-wields short swords, who is a little bit of a roguish devil who lurks around here. He's powerful enough.

Speaker 6 He's a good target and he'd be by himself that if you wanted to hunt this guy down, you could bind his soul instead, or you could offer up your own. Either one would be fine.

Speaker 6 Zariel sounds kind of hot. Is it an X or a Z? Z.
Oh, it killed me. Yeah, absolutely.
Z-R-I-E-L.

Speaker 6 She's got a vibe. She's got a real vibe.

Speaker 6 What do my teammates want?

Speaker 6 I just want you to want to live, Jake. Is that too much? Then I want to live.
I kind of want you to kill yourself. Well, we've got to split.

Speaker 6 Hank? Hank? Hank, your third?

Speaker 6 Oh, boy.

Speaker 6 Henry?

Speaker 6 Oh.

Speaker 6 Take him out.

Speaker 6 Shocker.

Speaker 6 So, Cake, you know what's funny is you are the one person who, if you put your soul into this gem and we hand it off to the lich and he's like, thanks for the soul, throws it in the vault with all the others.

Speaker 6 You might be the one who could escape, potentially. Oh, and so

Speaker 6 this might be a smart investment, and we don't need any soul.

Speaker 6 So, we're doing this for you

Speaker 6 just to help you. Right.
We could yoink you back. We could help with that.
But also you're a wizard. It's the kind of thing you might be able to do yourself.
I absolutely will. And it might even be.

Speaker 6 Billy, I won't.

Speaker 6 You are.

Speaker 6 It also might be exciting for you to be kind of loose in the Undead Wizard's tower, potentially, without him keeping tabs on you or knowing that you're there.

Speaker 6 So now you're, in many ways, stowed away inside this gem. It's an opportunity.
We're keeping you safe. And you are sacrificed.
If you do it as a ritual, there is no role necessary.

Speaker 6 Your soul is transferred into the gem and you experience the same thing that berserker billy had experienced except

Speaker 6 people on my by my back

Speaker 6 you can wave and you can see them kind of like waving at you sort of outside the gem and you know they're giving you like a thumbs up yeah got it excellent all right fantastic all right so now we gotta we gotta find the guy and give the gem to him right yeah in theory yes we would be sent off at this point we knew that we were trying to bring the soul back to our two dragon friends, Nihalaptia and Elia, the good and evil dragon, who are helping us kind of raise this team of dragons, and they were going to help us in the dragon bowl.

Speaker 6 If we bring the gemstone to them, they will let us know where to go meet this lich, and we can set off on that journey. Okay,

Speaker 6 let's do that. Absolutely.
As we set off, they let us know that we're going to need to go high into the mountains.

Speaker 6 There is a windswept peak at the top of which there is sort of a tower with a skull carved at the base and that is where our uh uh accomplice our uh ally the lich awaits us demanding a soul in return for uniforms but as we are getting closer to that mountain we are seeing a shape appearing in the sky i would like to see perception checks for everybody

Speaker 6 12 5 i got another 20. all right hey

Speaker 6 third of the day no big deal you can tell

Speaker 6 you are. Like, just based off how many 20s he's rolled.
I also saw a lot of D20s from Berserker Billy, and I saw every one of those. So

Speaker 6 I never, never challenge. Just asking questions.
I'm not making any accusations. Just ask us to see your mitt, your hat.
You know what?

Speaker 6 I'm just happy that we can have such a cool observation of what is in the distance because we are going to have a special mini in just a moment.

Speaker 6 You are seeing what appears to be a massive dragon, but I would like you to make a history check to see if you can notice what seems strange about this dragon. Eight.
Eight.

Speaker 6 And you have a history bonus of plus four, I think.

Speaker 6 Yep. That is just enough with 12 that you can tell what this is.
It's not a dragon. It's too big.

Speaker 6 It is some sort of a massive machine. No, wait.
It is a dragon, but this dragon seems like they are wearing some sort of massive set of armor.

Speaker 6 And then you realize it's like a dragon mech suit of some kind.

Speaker 6 And as you realize what this dragon would look like if they were smaller and not made of metal, you realize just barely with a 12, you recognize them.

Speaker 6 This is the blue dragon lenathon that Berserker Billy once jumped on the back of and rode away from the village of Green. She has returned.
She is wearing, she is wearing armor.

Speaker 6 Billy's old boo.

Speaker 6 Oh, yeah. What's in the box? Shit.
What's in the box? Oh, fuck.

Speaker 6 Yes. Sam.

Speaker 6 Oh, fuck yes.

Speaker 6 Sam.

Speaker 6 Bearing down.

Speaker 6 I see what Billy saw as we are flown through the air. She is easily twice as big as when we last.

Speaker 6 Let me see from behind. Yeah.
Ooh, look at that Cloaca. Yeah.

Speaker 6 Quick spin. Okay.
Absolutely. Yeah, girl.
You can see energy and flames bursting out from the cracks in her armor as though it is just elemental energy inside that she is using to control this suit.

Speaker 6 But she is flying towards us as we are carried by our dragon allies. They say,

Speaker 6 oh no, we'll try to keep her busy, but you're going to have to go into the tower without us.

Speaker 6 Okay. I think that's a good start.
And that is where we will end today, then. Oh, hello.
I hope everyone is excited. I have one extra.

Speaker 6 Can I, before we go, can I issue a retroactive apology to Billy for trying to fuck that hot-ass dragon?

Speaker 6 What?

Speaker 6 I wanted to issue a retroactive apology. When did you try to fuck the dragon? No, you tried to.
Like, we did.

Speaker 6 We made fun of you for trying to fuck that dragon. Yeah, dude, I know.
Okay, so I'm issuing a retro. Here, I'll roll.
She's the reason she's got a real glow. I rolled an 18.
18 apology.

Speaker 6 Dude, she's the reason I'm in this position. That's true.
That's true. Tim, you've done it again.
That was incredible. Absolutely.

Speaker 6 And of course, Berserker Billy, you're with us, but so is the chemist. And so maybe you'll be rolling as the chemist next time.
Me and the chemist are going to go, like, chill somewhere.

Speaker 6 And we do a funny thing. You can talk to him, convince him maybe to do something else besides help this team.
But right now, they're pretty happy. He's pretty happy you brought him back.

Speaker 6 You brought him, not you guys. No, the chemist is sweet.
Like, we like hanging out with him a lot. Absolutely.

Speaker 6 Where's Cake again? He's in a gem, but he's in our gem. In our gym.
He's got the gem. Okay, got it.
Absolutely.

Speaker 6 And next time we will be picking up with maybe a battle with the dragon, definitely getting into the Lich Tower and seeing how that goes. Let's do it.
Get our little giants team ready. Excellent.

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Speaker 7 Okay, we'll wrap up. We got Fire Fest.

Speaker 7 Hank, why don't you start? Reminder again, no show Monday.

Speaker 10 Yeah, so my Fire Fest, all I had to do yesterday before I drove home was basically like clean my apartment. and just drive home.

Speaker 10 I basically procrastinated for the entire day, like I think eight, nine hours. I sat down.
I was like, I'm going to make a sandwich. I'm going to clean.

Speaker 10 I turned on like Nick Merck's stream and I just watched the entire stream for like eight hours.

Speaker 10 Didn't end up leaving till 9:30.

Speaker 10 And at 9:30, if you guys were around, obviously it's a northeast thing, but it was raining and thunder and lightning like I have never seen before.

Speaker 10 It was truly, I was going on the FDR like 20 miles an hour, 10 and 2, just scared for my life.

Speaker 10 Like I had, I was listening to the game on the radio and I don't even know if this makes sense, but I had to turn the radio down to make sure that I was driving correctly.

Speaker 10 Like, it was, it was, it was that type of situation. Windshield wipers were going as fast as they could.
I still couldn't see anything. The whole sky was like lit up with lightning.

Speaker 10 It was, it was terrible. And I could have just avoided it if I was on top of my game.

Speaker 7 Well, yeah, but how was the stream? Yeah. How sweet was that?

Speaker 10 It was cool. Yeah.
It was, I mean, it was one of those things I was like, oh, I'll turn it on while I eat lunch. And then it was six o'clock.
I was like, oh, my God.

Speaker 7 I i still haven't done anything

Speaker 9 when was the last time you drove

Speaker 7 uh i i drove like memorial day

Speaker 7 drive yeah i'm a driver do you drive on the highway yeah oh yeah i've noticed a lot of people recently like an abnormally large amount of people that have been like yeah i drive no ever on highway just no you just work with funny balls those are the special smokes and and frank and frank like you just work you work work in a weird spot.

Speaker 7 That's not a real thing.

Speaker 9 No, I was watching Uncle Drew the other day, and one of the ladies that was chasing after him couldn't get on the highlight.

Speaker 9 I had it on the wrong channel. I was waiting for the game to come on, and I thought it was on ABC.
I thought they were playing Uncle Drew on ABC when, like, prime time.

Speaker 9 Turns out they would never do that. And I was watching, like, I don't know, USA or something.

Speaker 10 He was on the Celtic show that came out, and I tried to like fake like the movie, and I couldn't even get through it.

Speaker 7 We do work with just the weirdest people.

Speaker 7 So that's not, we can't, you can never be like, I've noticed a lot of people are doing this and then use your, your, you know, your test case as co-workers at Barstool Sports.

Speaker 7 Because they are just like Tommy, Glenny, and Frank just being like, yeah, I don't drive on the highway no matter what. It's just the weirdest.

Speaker 9 Yeah, but just once you let me on a road that has more than two lanes, I can't, I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I might as well be trying to read French.

Speaker 9 And then actually, later on today, I saw Glenny walk around the corner and he got tanner from like this morning to the afternoon. Like after lunch, he was more tan than he was this morning.

Speaker 9 He was like, Yeah, I don't know. I just, I walked down the street for lunch.
We do, we work with a bunch of real weirdos, but I love them. Yes.

Speaker 7 Yes. Um, all right, PFT, your fire fest.

Speaker 9 So, my fire fest of the week is I'm fat, and Hank isn't afraid to show the world how fat I am. Um, there were some pictures that got put out of the Dungeons and Dragons episode.

Speaker 9 I'll be the first to admit I put on a little bit of weight recently, which I've been trying to take off.

Speaker 9 And I thought I was taking it off with my all-broff diet that I was working on a couple weeks ago. But the picture that came out is one of the tougher visuals that I've had.

Speaker 9 It had that red line across the middle of my stomach from where I'd been sitting down, and my stomach had folded in on and it collapsed in on itself for a while because my posture sucks too.

Speaker 9 But it looked like I had just gotten out of like major organ removal surgery with this red folded line and then it was hanging over my belt a little bit and um yeah just it looked it looked really bad and so uh thanks thanks hank for i should be thanking you it was a wake-up call so i appreciate you showing that side of me to the entire internet without cropping the image because i think at the end of the day it'll make me be better person yeah i mean at the end of the day if i like it's not like i'm taking these candid photos i walk over with the camera and you pose for it you know what do you want me to do here here's the thing pft i i you

Speaker 10 You took your shirt off and put on the knight's armor.

Speaker 7 You could have just put on a shirt.

Speaker 7 Debbie, that's true. I said this last week, though.

Speaker 7 I think that you have to just realize, and I've had this realization many times over, that it's not the pictures. It's just you as a person.

Speaker 7 Like I, when Hank takes a bad picture of me and I look fat or ugly, I'm like, man, that was mean to Hank.

Speaker 7 I'm like, no, actually, that was mean of me to my own body for being a gross slob and a piece of

Speaker 9 so like the problem with being fat is all pictures just tell you that yes you are in fact fat i i just didn't eat it today that's the only because like today is the first day of my beach house for july and so now i have zero confidence i'm gonna have to wear a shirt at the beach

Speaker 9 it's gonna be tough i don't

Speaker 9 I don't feel fat, but I am. Does that make sense? Like walking around?

Speaker 7 i'm not walking around being like hey i think you're gonna be okay you're gonna be living in denial you're gonna be okay i don't think this is gonna to phase you that long

Speaker 7 okay you i mean you hate's right you popped off your shirt like without any like it was just like boom shirt off so i don't think you lacking confidence is something that ever needs to be worried about okay well hi my name's pft i'm fat but i don't care

Speaker 9 well care a little all right hi my name's pft i'm fat I'm a little self-conscious about it, but at the end of the day, it could be a lot worse.

Speaker 7 Yes, there it is. It's much worse from you.
So, yeah. I mean, remember

Speaker 7 the what?

Speaker 10 When we put on the we put out, this was like five years ago at this point, Canada Boys' Days, and we, you guys are modeling the Canada sweatshirts. That was bad.

Speaker 9 That was a bad picture. Yes.
Okay. I do remember that.
I caught feelings about that one, too.

Speaker 7 Oh, yeah, you did.

Speaker 7 You did. I got the net.

Speaker 9 I got the net and

Speaker 7 deleted it.

Speaker 7 All right, Jake, you got a fire fest?

Speaker 17 Yeah, my fire fest is the existence of potholes around New York City.

Speaker 12 Two Ubers, one city bike this week. I've just gotten bad whiplash from a pothole.
Not good. Could have been bad.

Speaker 7 Damn. But I fall off.

Speaker 7 Holy shit. No, I didn't fall off, but they're just.
Are you okay? There's some big potholes around the city.

Speaker 12 You got to watch out.

Speaker 9 How's your

Speaker 7 you should go to the statehouse. Yeah.

Speaker 7 You should. You should complain.
I don't know.

Speaker 12 I won't care in this one, but I'm just telling everyone around the city to watch out.

Speaker 17 There's some big potholes. You don't want to get hurt by the potholes around Manhattan.

Speaker 9 You know what we should do? You should make an app where you can log where the potholes are.

Speaker 7 I like it.

Speaker 17 They have that for public toilets around the city. It's called Flush.
It just tells you all the public bathrooms. Maybe I'll just make it for potholes.

Speaker 7 I'm going to say right now: if you if you have a problem taking a shit in a public bathroom, you're a pussy. If you got a shit, you got a shit.
So, my app would just be about jail.

Speaker 7 My app would be like, take a shit anywhere. Who cares? Every bathroom is good.
Wipe it down. Thank you.
Don't think about it.

Speaker 9 Finally, you should be allowed to shit into potholes.

Speaker 7 Yeah. I'll bet you they get filled up pretty quickly.

Speaker 9 Once people started pissing and shitting at them, you'd see city workers go out post-haste and repair them. So maybe that's probably a two-pronged solution there.
there.

Speaker 7 All right, my Fire Fest is it's weird because I know that

Speaker 7 you guys won't believe me, but I'm telling the God's honest truth. I think I saw another kid break his arm today.
So

Speaker 7 I was at a restaurant with my son eating lunch. We were in a booth.

Speaker 7 The booth next to us had another two-year-old and with his, what seemed like his grandmother. Two-year-olds start looking at each other like, oh, fuck.

Speaker 7 Like, it's almost like dogs seeing each other out on the street. They're like, whoa, I didn't know another one of you existed.
Kids leaning over, and he just fucking falls out of the booth.

Speaker 7 And they had to leave the restaurant in the middle of lunch. And I'm like, I saw the fall.

Speaker 7 I would say a 75% chance he broke his arm. And I don't know what it is now.
Cause like now I feel like I'm cursed. Now I'm just going to watch kids break their arms every day.

Speaker 10 Did you tell them things were coming out beforehand?

Speaker 7 Yeah.

Speaker 7 Hey, you look like you're a future Olympian that will finish fourth someday.

Speaker 9 Yeah,

Speaker 7 I'm back Juju.

Speaker 9 Yeah.

Speaker 9 This kid in the adjacent booth has tremendous posture.

Speaker 7 He's got great balance. No chance he falls.

Speaker 9 Do you think that your son might believe that he had something to do with it? Like, what if your son has the force? No, he made that kid fall out.

Speaker 7 He was at one point he was kind of low-key laughing. So

Speaker 7 no, I don't think he felt bad at all. Like, I had to tell you.

Speaker 9 That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 7 We're not laughing right now.

Speaker 9 I haven't seen Star Wars as we discussed, but if he had the force and he was a bad guy, he could have made the kid fall out. That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 9 Do you think your kid is dominating other children via the power of his own mind?

Speaker 7 That would be cool. I have said before, I do think there's

Speaker 7 maybe a 5% chance that he's an X-Man because

Speaker 7 he says the word hot for every type of food. Like I could hand him ice cream and he'll say hot.
So I think maybe like his, his mouth is always burning and he's got like fireballs ready to go. So

Speaker 7 yeah, yeah, it's, I wouldn't rule anything out at this point. I'm just, I'm just sick and tired of watching little children break their arms because that's twice in three weeks now.

Speaker 9 It's kind of what you get for tempting the universe when you're like, I really enjoy watching injury videos.

Speaker 7 Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 9 So ever since you put that take out there, which is to be fair, it's something that we all think about, but you were the first to be like, I like watching sports injuries.

Speaker 7 Hold on. That is very, but hold on.
I like watching, I will stand by that. I like watching injury videos.
I don't like watching in real life injuries.

Speaker 9 Okay.

Speaker 7 Put me on the other side of a computer and I'll feel okay about it.

Speaker 9 You could also just be like a walking, breathing version of that movie, The Ring, where like somebody see, like a kid sees Big Cat, and you know that within 30 seconds, he's going to break a bone.

Speaker 7 Yeah, fuck, man. It was bad.
It was bad. A lot of crying, a lot of just, and again, my son was laughing.
So it was, it was a bad scene altogether.

Speaker 7 Billy, you want to wrap it up? Do you want to give us your Fire Fest and any recap?

Speaker 7 Yeah.

Speaker 11 So with all these NCAA D3, D2, D1, everyone's, you know, selling merch, being a Twitch streamer and making money off of their likeness.

Speaker 11 Even though I am not anywhere close to guys like Reggie Bush.

Speaker 11 or but there was a time i was in college correct correct oh big scary about using my NCA eligibility, being, you know, using my likeness on the internet and kind of pissed that this happened so many years later and not when I was in college.

Speaker 11 So I could.

Speaker 9 Like literally the next year, like maybe you were the, you were the curse.

Speaker 7 Don't you have eligibility left?

Speaker 11 I have one year. I could go back and do something.

Speaker 9 Actually, no, I actually don't know if I have eligibility.

Speaker 7 I mean, I don't think you're doing so bad. Like you basically, everything you just said, you've done that and then gotten a full-time job out of it.

Speaker 11 True. Yes.
I'm not complaining, but that's been a fire fest.

Speaker 9 Yeah. So like some of these, some of the athletes are getting sponsored by Barstool Sports and making a little bit of money every month.

Speaker 9 You get a pay, a full paycheck. Right.

Speaker 7 No, I'm not. Full paycheck.
No. Full paycheck.
And you weren't Reggie Bush. I know, but I'm just saying, I could have sold merch in college back in 2017.

Speaker 9 Guess what, Billy? You can do that right now.

Speaker 11 I know. Yeah.
So we should make it. We should make a crazy jersey.

Speaker 7 Billy just spends the next year. Like, they're like at the end of the year, like, Billy, you haven't come up with any merch ideas.
He's like, dude, I'm not in college anymore.

Speaker 7 Like, what do you want me to do? And I am.

Speaker 9 There was like a split second where Billy's like, the solution to this problem is for me to go back to school, play another year of football, and then try to get a sponsorship deal from Barstool to make less money.

Speaker 7 Billy, you, so that was your fire fest? It wasn't that you had some side effects from the vaccine?

Speaker 11 Uh, no,

Speaker 7 no, you didn't get the vaccine, or no, you didn't have any side effects.

Speaker 11 No, I just really wish I could have made a Billy football jersey in college.

Speaker 7 Oh, okay, so we're avoiding this. This is good.
This is like the uh, whenever they ask a professional athlete and they're like, it's a person, it's a personal decision. I don't want to talk about it

Speaker 7 whether or not I got the vaccine.

Speaker 11 So, to wrap the show up,

Speaker 9 Why are you so embarrassed about this, Billy?

Speaker 11 Anal retentiveness.

Speaker 7 It's such a weird thing to be embarrassed about. You got vaccinated.

Speaker 9 Billy, you saved lives.

Speaker 7 Anal retentiveness. Oh, no, Billy.
Anal retentive person. I wouldn't want anyone to think that you got vaccinated.

Speaker 11 Such attention to detail that it becomes an obsession and maybe an annoyance to others. Who is this person?

Speaker 7 Say it again.

Speaker 7 No, you seem to be mumbling.

Speaker 9 Is that a side effect from the vaccine?

Speaker 7 Only half of his face is working.

Speaker 11 An anal retentive person. Basically, it's Bryson DeChambeau.

Speaker 11 That's how his high school teacher, that's how his high school teacher described him. And it literally translates to having something up their ass.

Speaker 9 Yeah, it's true. Well, I mean, yeah, that's where the phrase anal comes from, the anal stage.

Speaker 9 Go back to Freud. But yeah, you're right.
He's got something up to his ass, all right?

Speaker 7 Yeah. All right, Billy, I'm happy you can still read with all that poison.

Speaker 7 And there's a species

Speaker 11 what is that there's a species of immortal jellyfish that just lives forever how is that possible

Speaker 7 jellyfish bro i see i don't think that's a real that's just that's just trash in the ocean you just described god there's no way there's a jellyfish just lives forever it does no

Speaker 9 How do jellyfish even live? Yeah. They don't have brains.
They don't watch sports. They don't have skeletons, yeah, no nerves, no eyes,

Speaker 9 they don't fuck.

Speaker 7 Is this a fever dream for you from the vaccine

Speaker 11 anyway? That was a great show, guys.

Speaker 9 Oh, jellyfish also don't have spines,

Speaker 9 yeah, it's spineless.

Speaker 7 Pick a uh

Speaker 7 spineless, like getting the vaccine, but not telling everyone you got the vaccine.

Speaker 6 69.

Speaker 7 I got it, I got it four times.

Speaker 7 Why does anyone need to know my medical history?

Speaker 7 18.

Speaker 7 99. I'm looking at it up really.

Speaker 17 It's called the Turotipsis

Speaker 7 Dorni.

Speaker 7 And it's real.

Speaker 17 Yeah, it looks to be real. The Turotipsis topsis Dorney.

Speaker 12 The only immortal creature.

Speaker 7 Boom.

Speaker 9 No, it says in theory it could go on forever.

Speaker 7 Yeah, I don't know. Do you have the thing, Jake?

Speaker 9 But they can still be eaten.

Speaker 9 Yeah.

Speaker 11 I mean, if you kill it, it dies.

Speaker 7 But anyway, 13.

Speaker 7 What was it? 13.

Speaker 7 13.

Speaker 7 Unlucky. That's twice in the last like three weeks.
13 is the lucky second time.

Speaker 12 13 was last picked May 11th.

Speaker 7 So

Speaker 7 that's your lucky number, Billy?

Speaker 11 Yeah, I was born on the 13th.

Speaker 7 That's right. We had the same conversation.
Yeah.

Speaker 7 But that was when you were unvaccinated. Yeah.
Yeah. That grabbed it.
I literally fucked up my whole day.

Speaker 7 Oh, no.

Speaker 9 Oh, your day?

Speaker 7 You're okay.

Speaker 7 How much, how many big things did you have that you had to push off your schedule?

Speaker 11 I was going to blog the Patrick Beverly shove, and then I literally couldn't get out of bed.

Speaker 7 It was worse than actual.

Speaker 9 You were too vaccinated to blog.

Speaker 11 Worse than the COVID I got when I was training to fight Jose. I could train through COVID.

Speaker 12 This like put me out for the count.

Speaker 9 Billy, Billy, Billy.

Speaker 7 12 hours later.

Speaker 9 Now Billy has autism.

Speaker 7 Well,

Speaker 7 I probably had it before.

Speaker 11 But what if it cured it?

Speaker 9 We all are on the spectrum.

Speaker 7 All right.

Speaker 7 See everyone on Wednesday.

Speaker 9 Love you guys.

Speaker 9 hot, pop.

Speaker 9 Running away, dee deep.

Speaker 9 It's the living that's hot, pop.

Speaker 9 Talking away.

Speaker 9 I don't know what I'm to say or take anyway.

Speaker 9 Today's a matter of days.

Speaker 9 Time, shy away.

Speaker 9 Time. Oh, I'll be coming for your love of time.

Speaker 9 Shy away.

Speaker 9 Time.

Speaker 9 Oh, I'll be coming for your love of time. Take

Speaker 9 on

Speaker 9 me.

Speaker 9 all

Speaker 9 told you

Speaker 9 already

Speaker 9 I'm on sentence about me stole a little way

Speaker 9 Telling them life is okay

Speaker 9 to say after me

Speaker 9 It's no better to be safe than sorry. To be shy away.

Speaker 9 No, I'll be coming for your love.

Speaker 9 Time. Day

Speaker 9 come

Speaker 9 me.

Speaker 9 I'll be

Speaker 9 gone

Speaker 9 in a day or two.

Speaker 9 Time.