NBA W/ Kirk Goldsberry, Our Lawyer Mr Portnoy And Fyre Fest Of The Week

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On today's Pardon My Take, we have a two for Friday.

One of our favorite old-time recurring guests is back, Mr. Portnoy.

Great talk with him. We're going to get him back in the mix.

We also have some NBA talk with the very smart Kirk Goldirk goldsbury a little bonus grateful dead talk as well we're gonna uh recap some of the games we've watched we are going to talk a quick bit about college football going to 12 teams and then we will do fire fest the week and send you on on your way for a great sports weekend.

We're going to get right back to the show.

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All right, back to part of my take.

Our Water Dogs are playing.

They're going to win.

And if they don't, whatever.

Do we have a hashtag for the water dogs?

Hashtag water dogs.

Last year, it was hashtag every game is a revenge game. Yeah, what about, Hank, what were you saying?

Hashtag on dogs?

On dogs.

Hashtag all dogs go to heaven except water dogs because they stink.

Hell dogs.

That's a long hashtag. All right.
Let's go. Boy! Boy! Now in the street there is violence.
And I love the solid work to be done. No place to hang out or wash in.
And then I can't blame all on the sun. Oh, no.
We're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue. And then we'll take it higher.
Oh, we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue. It's Pardon My Take, presented by Barstool Sports.
Welcome to Pardon My Take presented by the PLL Premier Lacrosse League all weekend long. You can watch our team, the Waterdogs, most likely lose to the Chrome on Sunday at 1 p.m.
Eastern NBC Sports Network. Check it out.
We'll be watching Premier Lacrosse all weekend and all summer long. Today is Friday, June 11th, and Bruce Brown, he tried to take his moment.
I love this guy. Big Cat, it's Fri-yay.
Fri-yay. People are going to get clapped.
You know why I didn't say it? Because I was thinking about how bad the Water Dogs are going to play this weekend. Yeah.
It really affects. Bummer.
That's your fire fest is we own the worst team in the history of sports. I want to give credit to myself real quick.
A little self-credit. Jake's putting the stuff out there.
Self-credit. I saw the Water Dogs officially tweet being like getting better every day.
it was a picture of all them in a huddle at practice and i almost replied doubt it uh but i didn't okay that's good i heard some juicy pl news actually you know the guy that got his finger bitten off yeah the guy got circumcised on his knuckle turns out uh his dad started the fight allegedly okay in the lobby a lacrosse dad started a fight because the player was talking shit about his son and then it escalated the guy fish hooked him and that's how the finger got bitten off so in my book if you fish hooks if your finger is in another man's mouth it's chomp on yeah the fish hook is a great move it's so you can really get someone with a fish hook it's very hard to get out i mean, in UFC, when they had no rules back in the day when they'd just make people fight all weekend long, the only rules were like no fish hooks. Yeah.
That's it. We should make a fish hook bet.
Jake, if I fish hooked you, what would you do? Probably scream because it hurts. Oh, okay.
Yeah, that's it. He's honest.
Jake, he's never lied. You'd go for my balls easily.
Like a badger. Right away.
Just grab on him. All right, let's talk some basketball.
It's a Bruce Brown game. Bruce Brown.
I love this guy. Well, he played well tonight.
No, he actually. So there's a lot of Bruce Brown slander, which is probably okay to have for the final shot where actually the final like few minutes where he was shooting floaters.
He said, fuck it. I'm going to take this game, Kyrie, KD.
You guys never made a big shot in your life. It's Bruce Brown time.
But that does kind of overshadow the fact that he did bring the Nets back in the second quarter when they were getting blown out by the Bucs. And in all-time throwback, it felt like it was – remember when the Pistons played the Spurs in the NBA Finals? It felt like that game.
We were just bricks everywhere. Old school basketball.
Real ugly shit. It is nice to see a final score where teams are in the 80s.
Just like looking at it. Not to watch the game.
Not by any stretch. But to just look at the box score and be like, yeah.
Something new. Like we're used to seeing 110 versus 116 for every single game.
This is a nice little throwback. I don't hate that.
And Bruce Brown, yeah, at the end, a little rush of blood to the head. But I think we should be fair.
Joe Harris, this could also be called the Joe Harris game. Because I think he went one for 10, one for 11.
He's our guy. He's our guy.
Went one for seven from three points. And I think in the interest of consistency, because if James Harden had had this type of game, the one that Joe Harris had, we'd all be asking, like, what kind of drugs was James Harden on? So, to be fair, we should ask.
No. No, no, I think we should.
Since Joe Harris had this game, we should wonder what kind of drugs was James Harden on tonight. Yes.
Well, that shirt. The shirt.
The shirt was a I'm going out after this game shirt. Oh, it looked like the shirt that the worst kid in your class wore for picture day.
He's going to cruise and chubbies in the Wisconsin Dells after this game. It looked like what Bubba sees when he looks at a magic eye poster.
Yes. Yes, it actually was.
That shirt was fire for you, Bubba. By the way, I just looked it up in that series.
It went seven. The Pistons versus the Spurs for all the young AWLs out there who don't remember basketball back in the day.
2005, so not even that far back in the day. Four out of the seven games, the losing team didn't crack 80.
Game seven was 81-74 Spurs over the Pistons. Game one was 84-69 Spurs over the Pistons.

And you know what?

I still remember that series because it was kind of fun to watch.

Yeah.

Mostly because you had Rasheed Wallace and Ben Wallace.

The highest scoring game was 96-95.

There was also a fun fact I saw online that the over-under missed by 65.5 points tonight.

That's the most.

They couldn't find someone.

You took the over.

Yeah.

Well, the second half over looked good in my

mind. They were tracking

all the way back to 2005.

There hadn't been anything

that was even close to that. The

biggest was 60 points that it missed.

This one missed by 65 and a half.

It was an awful game to

watch, but still exciting. And guess

what? The Bucs stole a game.

It officially kind of feels like a series.

I don't... Well, they stole

a quarter tonight. They stole the first quarter.
The first quarter, the Nets ended up with 11 points, I think. And it's tough to come back from that.
Even at that point, I thought that the Bucs were going to end up losing by 10. But if you have 11 in the first quarter, that's a pretty big hole that you have to dig yourself out of.
So if you're a Bucs fan, I guess the one thing you could say to yourself is it is 1-1, and you have shot in the first three games 20%, 29%, and 19% from three. That's crazy, okay, for a team that shot 39% in the season.
So you have to hope that it gets a little bit better. If you're a Nets fan, shout out the couple out there, you have to be like well we'll be fine because we have the best players and also if you listen to our interview with kirk goldsbury coming up he he says unfortunately that joe harris is the best catch and shoot guy in the nba i think he also says that chris middleton sucks i think he said chris middleton might suck sometimes he had a good game i think he i think kirk was saying thatleton is a bad No.
2. Like, not even a No.
2. Giannis is a 1A.
But guess what? When you get home, the No. 2 plays better.
You know what I mean? He's got the crowd. He gets a little more confident.
You talk about shitting in your own house? Yes, exactly. That's Chris Middleton tonight.
So, credit to the Bucs. Also, P.J.
Tucker and Kevin Durant getting in a fight in the security guard. Maybe security guard was Bruce Brown he's a Bruce Brown security guard he was like I see a scuffle he treated that scuffle on the court like he would any scuffle in the in the stands yeah he's like it's my job when I see two people that are that are swinging hands at each other to run out there and shove one of them over yeah so yeah he definitely saw a spotlight moment he went out there and took it I want to give a shout out to bucks fans in the little area outside the stadium that looked fun as hell i miss seeing that type of stuff you know how like toronto has was jurassic park yep do they have a name for it and the tavern and the toronto tavern do they have a name for the outside park where they party in i don't know they should call it because i had an idea for they should call it the Dojo, but it's D-O-E, like the female Buck.
Oh, I like that. I like that.
The Bucks, they have a really nice stadium. I've been there.
Milwaukee's beautiful downtown. It actually is.
So shout out to the Bucks for actually... The Deer District.
The Deer District. Not as good as the Dojo.
Got it. Yeah, no, it looked fun though.
It looked like a fun time. time.
And I do want to give credit to whoever was the architect behind that arena.

It was a nice arena.

Okay.

I like the arena.

So shout out that guy.

And we got a lot of Hank yawns tonight.

Some new ones, too.

Some remixes.

Some remixes.

Some of the chopped and screwed.

No.

Give us one in the...

Drop a new yawn, Hank.

This isn't about me.

I'm not yawning.

My microphone is off.

If I was yawning, you guys wouldn't hear it.

Thank you. No.
Give us one in the... Drop a new yawn.
This isn't about me. I'm not yawning.
My microphone is off. If I was yawning, you guys wouldn't hear it.
Yawns for the boys. Yawning? John Scott's for the boys.
The last time? No. No.
I'm not going to get trapped into this again. Okay.
Please, Hank. All right.
So that happened. The Suns are a wagon.
Also, Blake Griffin played pretty well tonight on defense. Played his ass off.
On defense. Yeah.
He had a couple nice blocks. He had a plus two.
KD minus six. Kyrie minus four.
Oh, goddammit. Hey, give it to us.
That was fucked up what you just did. Stop.
Give us one. Maybe.
Maybe. If you don't talk, don't talk to me and I'll let yawn.
I don't want to hear you click your microphone off when you're about to yawn, okay? Alright. Alright, thank you.

But yeah, Suns. Suns are

a wagon. They are awesome.
That kid

who, I mean,

it was perfect that it happened in front

of Jokic and it happened right after

we talked about how he is

king for all fat boys. And I'm not

saying that kid was fat, but him

ripping off his shirt was an all-time

video. And his name is Blake, which is

incredible. So Blake, big

Thank you. King for all fat boys.
And I'm not saying that kid was fat, but him ripping off his shirt was an all-time video. That'd be so sick.

And his name is Blake, which is incredible.

So Blake, big shout-out to Blake up in the stands.

It'd be awesome if he became NBA MVP at some point.

Yes.

And he got to point back to that moment.

Yes.

But I guarantee that kid's in the top 10% of basketball players his age.

Yeah, and he also was just holding cash.

I like that.

And someone was like, you've got to get him on the podcast. I was like, I don't think so a 12 year old before it didn't go so well yeah uh mason ramsey that's like 21 now that kid has learned one of life's most important lessons and that's things get a lot funner once you take your shirt oh yeah and he's learned at a young age before he's even drinking tits out for the boys so like imagine that kid gets a couple beers in him once he once he becomes of age that kid's going to be a monster party that that kid is going to take over the i don't want to say his name again because we're shouting him out a lot on the show recently but he's going to be the beer guy yeah i okay so i uh i love that kid in a way that you can love a person you're never going to meet and and you see him online for a five-second clip.
That's just internet culture. Yep.
You know, that piece that you sent us the other night. Yep.
Whew. Where everyone's just talking about a famous journalist on Twitter and being like, I actually don't know him.
But I love him. Yeah, I love him.
He's maybe the most important person in my life besides my parents. Yeah, so going back, though, the shirt off guy, always fun, except I'm going to throw one flag.

There is that one guy in everyone's crew that takes his shirt off because he's got a sick bod at times when it's not appropriate.

Yeah.

And that guy sucks.

Like, it will be 62 degrees, and he'll be like, what?

I'm just trying to get comfortable.

Yeah.

Or, like, you go on a bachelor party, and he never puts his shirt on all weekend then he's like yeah the best ability is your ray ability yeah you know what try to make a joke all right yeah so i i agree i think that um you have you have to have a little girth to you to be able to do that to make it a party move yeah otherwise it's just it's a weird move so there is that big caveat but that guy has learned an important lesson shout out that one time we were in arizona uh for the super bowl all of us yeah and i i took off my shirt and then a bouncer came over to me and said you have to put your shirt back on because you're grossing everyone out and i was like okay cool that really hurt my feelings but fair point fair play uh did you see the the fellas were yugging last night after the sun's game yes so it's a movement it's spreading it's like a real thing now it's just it's the most positive thing in the world you just chug your drink and then you send a video to all the other suns fans in the world see a chug send a chug basically except it's just with the fellas and even chicks are fellas oh nice yeah you gotta let everyone get involved oh it's a very inclusive movement it's just basically drink beer it's like when chez hanks said white boy summer and then two seconds later was like for everyone. involved.
Oh, it's a very inclusive movement. It's just basically drink beer.
It's like when Chez Hanks said White Boy Summer and then two seconds later was like for everyone. Yeah.
All right. Hockey.
Hank. Sorry.
You're Bruins. I know you live and die.
Yeah, it's tough. Tough one.
Tough one at the barn last night. You guys are banged up, though.
Yeah, super banged up. Tuca in or out? I don't know.
He's such a volatile. There's so many opinions on him in Boston.
I hope he stays. I think he was hurt, and I think if he was full health, they probably would have won that series.
But, yeah, tragic. It's been a tough day.
Firefest City. One meme going around that was the Bruins' wheel of excuses for losing a playoff series, and one of the wheels on it said, we were tired.
Is that like an actual – like the boys were just tired. Yeah, they were tired.
Yeah, you know know how it is in the playoffs you leave it all on the line i also think bruce cassidy did not probably the worst coaching uh move you can do is just give the other team like their nickname yeah like he called them the new york saints and then all the islanders are like loving it and calling themselves the new york saints they had like at the tailgate there was a band playing when the saints go marching in so that that was a huge mistake on his part. Because the thing, he was trying to get the refs to start calling penalties against him, right? He's like, they act like they're a bunch of Saints out here.
You can't do that. You can't do that.
You cannot do that. Oh, I forgot one thing about Jokic.
So did you see the shirt that he was wearing? No. So he was wearing a shirt that was his MVP shirt that he made for himself.
It was a list of all the negative things that have been said about him over the years, like drafted 41st, you're too big, too unathletic, et cetera, et cetera. One of the things on the list was too skinny.
What? Somebody apparently along the lines. Maybe he just threw that one on there.
He's like, yeah, they doubted me. They thought I was in too good a shape.
They thought I couldn't put on weight. Yeah.
This frame can't hold enough weight. They thought the big case of Rio wasn't fully loaded.
Oh, man. All right, so what else we got? We got the college football.
What were you going to say? Oh, the... It's overtime.
We're in overtime right now. What ended? Third period.
Oh, it's third period. Yeah, it's 4-3, though.
Who you got? All right, so who's going to get the next goal? I got Fleury. Who you got winning? Who you got winning? I got the Knights winning.
Well, they're up 4-3, though. Who you got? Who's going to score the next goal? I got Fleury.
Who you got winning? I got the Knights winning. Well, they're up 4-3.
Ryan Reeves. I got Colorado.
I'm going to go Colorado as well. Did you guys see Aaron Rodgers tweeted W right after the Avalanche tied it up 2-2? He can't wait to get to Denver.
He's sending all the signals out there. Also, my fault.
I forgot to start this week by saying this is the week that Aaron Rodgers gets traded. So just can Jake remind me, please, on Sunday night? Because that's obviously why he didn't get traded this week.
I said I was going to predict that he gets traded every week until he gets traded. I've got a prediction.
I've been squatting on the stake for a while, but I feel like now's a good time to unveil it about Aaron Rodgers.

I think there's something telling me that he might just go off the grid entirely.

Like Aaron Rodgers might just not show up on a football field ever again.

He might move to Ecuador and go live out in the rainforest with Shailene Woodley.

He seems like the type of guy gets away from it for a little bit, probably has had these conversations before. He's like, babe, what if we just walked away from everything? Just left it all behind.
We've got enough money. What's really important in life? He gets a little bit of perspective.
I could see him just living in an ayahuasca hut, getting pictures. He shows up in a market once every two years okay so the only thing i'd add on to that is i do i see it the only thing that i don't see is i i do think he would be disappearing but every like two months tweet or instagram something to try to go viral to remind everyone that he disappeared yeah you know i mean like he mean? Like he has to be like, hey guys, remember?

I'm Aaron Rodgers and I disappeared. It's like, but you didn't really

because you're telling us,

but he needs that like affirmation.

Yeah.

So he might just like leave subtle clues.

Right.

Like even fake clues that he puts out there.

He'll do like a random podcast like ours.

Yeah.

Like John McAfee.

That's the guy that did the antivirus software.

Yes.

And now he's like living on a boat fucking whales.

Yeah.

Yeah, he goes on podcasts all the time, but he's like on the lam from the federal government.

He'll appear in a Deadliest Catch episode.

Exactly.

Like something like that.

Yeah, he's going to go almost full J.D. Salinger just to show up every now and again to remind us that he's no longer here.

But I mean, think about it.

If there was one quarterback or one superstar athlete that might do something like this, I feel like it might be Aaron. I would love for that to happen.
Me too. So let's just hope for it.
All right. College football, 12 teams.
I think most people are okay with this. I saw maybe some people who were upset, but because, you know, the argument is going to be always, well, it's going to be blowouts, which, OK, we have blowouts anyway.
This would just be fun games and then blowouts instead of just strictly blowouts, because the way they said it was it was 12 teams. The proposed rule is 12 teams.
One through four is the highest ranked conference champions. So Notre Dame gets a little bit screwed there.
So they could never get a bye under this rule. And then five through 12, they match up.
And then the top four seeds in that get a home playoff game, which is awesome. I love that.
So that part, like, someone tweeted out what the playoffs would have been a couple years ago. And it would have been like Florida going to Madison to play in December which would be awesome hell yes like get some snow playoff games I like that games I like the idea of a home playoff game too in college football that's amazing like there is a little bit of the the passion that gets taken out of it when you see a game being played in I don't know Atlanta you know where neither team really has a home stake to it but yeah I'm all in for that too I saw there was one person I talked to today that didn't like it.
It was Big T who was basically a cop, and his answer was, well, you're going to have teams that are just going to – sure, you could have a 12 seed beat a one seed once out of every 100 times, and then that team gets to advance. It's like, well, yeah, that's kind of the magic of playing the games.
And they're not going to lose. Like, the number one seed is probably never going to get beaten by a 12 seed.
But under his logic, why do they even play the games? Why don't you just give the championship to Clemson or Alabama every year? If you're a Tennessee fan, you should be pumped about this. That's what I told him.
I was like, once every seven years, you might get a team into the playoffs. There are really – I'm trying to think of, like, who would not be pumped.
Notre Dame maybe no notre dame even wins because notre dame essentially would have the ability to have a team good enough to be in the playoff almost every single year i hope that they make notre dame just play alabama first round every year yeah but it's like this is i i get it i get the blowout factor i understand that but again what is it right now there's three teams that are better than everyone else every single year. They're Alabama, Ohio State, and Clemson.
They always will be there. We'll have a first round that's competitive.
Then they will play those teams. They will probably lose.
We'll probably end up with the same winner every time. But the regular season, people will say, oh, the regular season doesn't matter as much.
No, I think the regular season matters more because it used to be if you have one game that you lose, you're out. Now the game's at the end of the season, teams jockeying for those conference title games, for higher seating, it all matters.
And then, I don't know, I know that it's probably going to end up with the same teams, but if you are a Power 5 school, if you are a school like a Tennessee or a Wisconsin or somewhere where you're like, okay, we're probably never going to end up with the same teams but if you are a power five school if you are a school like a tennessee or wisconsin or like somewhere where you're like okay we're probably never going to crack the top four this is good for recruiting this is a good sell to recruits to being like hey we there's a path for us to get to the playoff if you're a power five school or a non-power five school you can actually if you're you're going to cincinnati you used to be able to say oh yeah we're going to go play no you. You're never going to get to the playoff.
There's always a ceiling to what you can do. You can go undefeated.
You still won't crack the top four. Now you can make this argument that yes, we will be in the playoff if we have a fantastic season.
Come play for us. You can play at the highest level against some of these teams.
Yeah, the argument that no one's going to care about the Iron Bowl. If at the end of the season, you're waiting to see if Auburn's going to be ranked number

third or sixth overall.

I'm pretty sure that the state of Alabama and the country is still going to care about

Alabama versus Auburn.

And then the other argument is, well, you're just going to have people getting mad if they're

on the bubble and they get left out of the 12th seed.

It's the same argument we're going to end up having about that that we do right now.

It's like, well, no, if you look at college basketball we have that discussion it's a great it's a fun discussion to have all year and then when it comes time to decide who's in and who's out you have maybe like two hours where like oh this team got screwed and then you move on right because there are enough teams where you're like okay you weren't going to win anyways and i'd like to actually hashtag thank you big cat oh because you're being selfless right you're being Everyone who's opposed to this idea should look at Big Cat and say, Big Cat is putting his own personal feelings aside for the good of the game of college football because there is no team that stands a better chance of getting an 11 or a 12 seed and losing to Georgia by 40 points every year, pretty much, in this playoff system than Wisconsin. But you know what I'm saying.
No, I know. First thing I did was go back and look.
I think we would have made the playoff like seven times in the last 20 years. Like, oh, fuck, this is sick.
Yeah, so I don't know. I get a couple of the arguments, the blowout thing, I understand, but that's never going to be fixed under the current system.

There's always, like, the current system will continue to be the best three or four programs,

will continue to be the best three or four programs, and dominate it.

Now, at least, you have the Pac-12 getting in.

Like, you have representation, you hopefully get it even and out of, like, recruits, all

these things.

You might get a great MAAC team in there.

Who knows?

Once every 20 years.

Yeah, the MAAC thing, I wish they had just been like,

all right, and we also will give the 12th seed every year to the Mac.

Yeah.

It would have been cool.

But you might get some of these teams from smaller conferences

that end up getting in there occasionally.

And I think that's a good thing.

Western Michigan's 2017, Wisconsin beat them, I think, in the Cotton Bowl.

I think they finished the season. Yeah.
What did they finish the season? Was that the team that we saw play in Detroit? Yes. What did they finish the season? They finished the season 13-1.
What were they ranked, Jake? Can you find that for me? Coaches 6, AP 7. So there you go.
They would have made the tournament there. So, yeah, there we go.
You know, some Mac representation. Imagine if Mac team won it all.
Fuck. That'd be the coolest thing ever.
It'd be awesome. All right.
Anything else? Oh, we are going to. So, thank you to everyone who watched PFT Puke on the live stream.
Yeah, thanks. A couple notes from that.
PFT, you're a champ. I still feel pretty bad right now.
I weighed myself before. That was a shocking situation because i weighed myself on the carpet and then i took the scale out to the the cement floor add an extra 11 pounds so it was 188 when i started on the live stream um after i threw up i was still at 193 so i'm probably just gonna i'm just gonna i think that's like day one of me getting fat.
Yeah, get to 200. So, champ there.

The... so I'm probably just gonna I think that's like day one of me getting fat so champ there the YouTube went well thank you for everyone who watched, subscribed there will probably be future YouTube broadcast from the studio, similar setting no puking but hey Thursday Night Football we throw on the live stream, we hang with the boys.
So make sure you subscribe, make sure you like, and also, and girls, and thank you to everyone who donated. We have something very fun planned for all the AWLs, where it's going to basically be a shoot-the-moon bet of championships.
We'll talk about it next Friday once we get it up in the Sportsbook app, because we're going to put something in there so that everyone can have fun. And it's going to be awesome.
And if we win it, we will probably stop doing part of my take. It's going to be what? Like $800,000 per person? I think we're going to make it more.
I think we've got to make it more. Well, here's the thing.
So if we end up hitting on this parlay, we've got to let it ride on Brooks at the Masters next year. Yes, and it all is linked to Duke.
And it's basically insurance against Duke winning it all and me just being miserable. So, all right.
What? I said I did the right thing there. Oh, and Hank will have to get a cat, too.
Credit to me again, yeah. I did the right thing.
I will get a cat, too. I wanted to say the other thing, and I didn't say it.
Good. Yeah, good job.
Credit to Big Cat. Yeah, credit to me.
All right, let's get to our interviews. All right, so we got two great interviews.
Kirk Goldsberry, we taped in the afternoon, so there were already some outdated takes, but we acknowledged that as we did it. BFD might throw up during this ad.
So Kirk Goldsberry, great interview, though. Tells us about all the NBA going on.
And bonus little Grateful Dead talk at the end.

Kirk is a big deadhead. What am I supposed

to do with this bottle Hank just threw me? Am I supposed to puke

into that?

Hank just threw me a 20 ounce bottle.

I'm going to put my lips inside.

Are you going to drink it? Do I want to bring in the garbage?

No. Oh, also, by the way,

the USA-Mexico game.

Actually, you know what? We'll recap it on Monday.

We're going to wait until Monday?

Yeah, yeah. Sunday's game.

Thank you. Oh, also, by the way, the USA-Mexico game.
Actually, you know what? We'll recap it on Monday. We're going to wait until Monday? Yeah, yeah.
Okay. Sunday's game.
Last Sunday's game. Right.
We'll wait a full calendar week. Yeah, people were mad we didn't talk about it on Monday or on Wednesday.
No, no, no. Let's hold off.
Okay. Yeah, let's hold off.
Wait. A lot of people probably still have a DVR.
Yeah, so we'll wait. So if you haven't watched it, it's the finals.
CONCACAF. Of the final CONCACAF.
It's basically a trophy like the Civil Conflict that we made up two years ago just to have an important soccer game against Mexico. Monday.
And maybe not Monday. Maybe another day.
But we will get to it. We just ran out of time.
All right. Before we get to Kirk Goldsberry, we're going to get right back to the show.
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All right.

Back to part of my take.

Here is Kirk Goldsberry.

Okay.

We now welcome on recurring guest, Kirk Goldsberry. He is an analyst, NBA analyst on ESPN.
He also is a New York Times bestselling author, no big deal, sprawl ball, and a professor, pretty much everything. Can we say that you are the architect of the San Antonio Spurs? Yes.
Absolutely. No, you can't.
No, we're going to say he's the architect. So, Kirk, we want to have you on to talk a little NBA playoffs.
We're going to do something here that I love, putting our guests out on a limb because we are taping this before game three of the Nets and Bucs series. So we don't know what's going to happen.
So everything you're about to say could be wildly wrong. But what the hell is going on with this series? Is it the Nets are so good and we just didn't realize it? Or the Bucs are a fundamentally flawed team that will always have this type of ceiling? I got to go with the first thing.
I think the Nets are a legit super team. These guys are missing James Harden, arguably the greatest offensive player in the last few years, and they are still crushing it with Kevin Durant, who has snapped back into pre-injury form and looks like him old self.
When Joe Harris, the best catch and shoot guy in the league is your fourth option, man, you're a super team. When Kyrie Irving, one of the most dynamic guards on planet earth guys is your third option when James is right, you're a super team.
So what we're seeing right now, I think, has more to do with the Brooklyn Nets just asserting their dominance than anything to do with the Bucs. And the reemergence of Blake Griffin.
I know that you think he's the hardest working player in the NBA. Would that be fair to say? Well, he's a Blake of the Year candidate for a reason.
And I think that has a lot to do with his heart, man. And it is a really actually inspiring story.
I'm not going to get too sappy, but watching him, I think he's the hardest playing player in this series, PFT. He's diving for loose balls.
He's taking pride on the defensive end of the court. And he's really setting the tone by keeping Giannis at bay, at least in these first few games with his physical and savvy defensive stuff.
So I didn't see this come. I like a lot of people, you know, Blake Griffin was, was not a big part of, of NBA discourse the way I saw it, but here it is.
And I think it's one of the best stories in the league. And the the fact that it's happening on defense in this series BFT makes him a solid Blake of the year candidate in my opinion so you mentioned loose balls diving for loose balls I you know you have incredible charts and advanced stats and you make it put in a beautiful way but the one thing when it comes to like watching basketball and I love this part of the game is when I always judge like if a player is pissing off the opponent how a loose ball like jump ball scrum goes and in the first game of the series Bobby Portis basically tried to choke Blake Griffin out which tells me he's doing like all the right things to to out muscle out hustle everyone do you stats for that? Like how aggressive? Cause it does usually like when someone gets very aggressive in a loose ball setting and like goes a little extra, it's usually because the guy's just pissing him off and he's under his skin and able to like, you know, kind of use that extra hustle to, to bother him.
Yeah. I think there is something to that.
The stat I can give you is that when, when guarding Giannis, Giannis was four of 10 in game two, and his average shot distance was 16 feet away from the rim. Giannis is the guy who stirs that drink in Milwaukee.
If he's getting to the rim, it's over. You can't beat them.
And Blake is really just cutting it off there. He is not letting Giannis get to those dunks and layups.
And with that, that is their spirit animal in Milwaukee. Giannis getting to the rim is the most important thing.
And that is exactly what Blake has been able to take away, is his penetration in those easy buckets that we've gotten used to seeing from Giannis onto Takumbo. That's interesting because if you look at the nets, you wouldn't say, like, ooh oh they have an incredible rim protector like a rudy gobert but they're able to protect the rim in other ways you're saying yeah the biggest question big cat coming into this postseason for the brooklyn nets was their defense remember one of the sort of golden rules of nba analytics is that if you don't rank in the top 10 or 11 in defensive rating at the end of the regular season, you're not a championship contender.
Literally every champion for the last 20 years has checked that exact box. These guys rank 22nd in the NBA in defensive rating at the end of the regular season.
That disqualifies them according to that sort of piece of conventional wisdom. Now, what they're doing in this series is showing that they're a better defensive team than that.
And that a lot to do with Blake protecting the rim but that rim protection really starts away from the rim by cutting off Giannis's drives who is their one two and three best rim attacker for Milwaukee so they don't have a Rudy Gobert they don't have a DeAndre Ayton but Blake is kind of doing that by stifling Giannis' rim attack. Have we ever seen that before in super teams? We talk about flipping the switch when it comes to playoffs.
I feel like we say that every single year about LeBron, where he's going to the playoffs and you're like, well, he's going to end up becoming LeBron at some point and flip the switch. Can you flip a switch on defense? Yeah, I think you can.
I think PFT, the last Warriors team did that. I think they ranked 11th compared to, you know, their three championships, PFT.
They ranked first in defensive rating, their first one second in the league. They were a defensive juggernaut.
But that third one, they had dipped a little bit. But when it came time to lock it up, they did that.
And then there's the Lakers are a famous example of that, too, when Shaq would play his way into shape during the season. And by by the end he had played his way into shape and then nobody could score on them yeah by the time it counted you might be one of our favorite nerds that we have you're like the coolest nerd you like you talk about nerdy stuff but you're like you're deceptively smooth in a way uh is there we always talk about like the unquantifiable stuff about sports like grit.
We love grit. Is there a way that, you know, using your data visualization, your, your fancy Greek numbers and whatever that is, can you quantify grit? Uh, we're getting there, but, but no.
And that's sort of the beauty of grit and this stuff. That's why we love to watch it.
You know, I know PFT, you're a big playoff hockey guy, and that's a sport where that stuff really shows up. And it's really hard to quantify with a team or an individual player.
We just talked about it with Blake Griffin. I think the league is getting closer to it.
We're tallying hustle stats in a way that we weren't doing like 10 years ago, deflected passes, loose balls. So we're getting there, but no.
And then there's the opposite of grit is what we just say is that softness. And we see some of that too in the playoffs, don't we? And we don't quantify softness, you know, and I think that is an interesting thing, but that's why, by the way, isn't it great that the fans are back in these buildings, rattling these guys, Guy Fieri's out there yelling, scaring people, scaring the kids.
And it's great in Phoenix and Utah, but we can't quantify that stuff. Who's getting rattled? Giannis is two of 10 at the line.
That's mental, dude. So we don't have numbers that quantify that other than just the outcome.
Do you have biggest, can you quantify like biggest head cases in the league? Like guys who in late game situations, their free throw percentage, like takes a noticeable dip. If you have enough like stats to put that together, can you be like guys are the choke artists unfortunately Giannis is one of my favorite players but in the playoffs especially some of the most important playoff series of his career and again he's one of my favorite players the numbers are pretty bad in the Toronto series when they almost went to the finals and Kawhi sort of ripped their hearts out in 2019 Giannis was at his worst in those close games.
And again, in this series versus the Nets, when they need him to be his best at the free

throw line, he is two of 10 so far through the first two games. So yeah, we can look at that

stuff and, and, you know, it's a, it's a human thing. I mean, I always tell players that I know

is like, I would be terrified up there shooting free throws in Madison square garden with all these eyeballs on there. So it's just human nature that some of these guys have a harder time than others.
All right. So you mentioned Kawhi let's, let's, let's do that series real quick, put you out on a limb.
Another one that has a second game tonight. So the jazz are incredible defensively.
Donovan Mitchell was incredible game one. That's like their next level when he is, like that.
How do you see the rest of this series going though? Because Kawhi, you know, he, like the Clippers, Mavs series, he was incredible off the charts. You could argue, you know, the best two-way player right now in the playoffs.
But how do you see the rest of this series? And does it hinge on playoff P not being playoff poo-poo or whatever? What are we calling them? Playoff P-U? Playoff L? Yeah, we call them playoff P-U. Yeah.
Pandemic P has been used. I've never used it, but I've heard it uttered by other folks.
Wayoff P? Yeah. Layoff P? These are all, yeah, really high-level stuff here.
It does come down to Paul George, I think, Kat. I think that he has to be good because this is not last year's Jazz team.
This is the first team in NBA history that's averaged over 50 points per game on threes alone. They're the best three-point shooting team arguably in NBA history, better than the Dubs, better than those Rockets teams.
And last year in the bubble, they struggled, but they didn't have Bogdan Boganovich there, who's a really good scorer. And this year, their offense just looks a lot better.
Rudy Gobert is obviously the best defensive player in the league, and he won that game with that blocked shot in game one. So this is not last year's Jazz team, and fans need to realize that.
The other sneaky thing that I think is really important in that series, guys, is the fact that LA doesn't have a home court advantage much at all because of the way that the coronavirus protocols are different in California versus Utah. So these Utah games, as we've seen, they're nuts.
And then you go to Staples and it's almost like a neutral site. So I think Utah, obviously, they won the first game and I think they deserve, they've been the best team all year.
They deserve some respect there. But guys, the last thing I'll say is don't bet against Kawhi Leonard in the playoffs.
This dude came down from 2-0 in that first round series with one of the all-time, one of the all-time performances the stat will give you is he was the first guy since Shaq to score 200 points and shoot 60% from the field in a single playoff series since Shaq was in the Lakers in 2000. So he's really doing stuff that nobody else is doing.
And it's between him and Durant, who's the best player right now in the playoff. So if the Clippers make it to the finals, let's just say hypothetically, the Clippers win the NBA championship this year and Kawhi Leonard becomes a finals MVP.
Would he be the only player in the history of basketball to win finals MVP

on three different teams?

I think he would.

I don't have that exact stat in front of me,

but I can't think anybody who did that.

You know,

LeBron's done it for three teams.

LeBron James.

Did he?

LeBron James.

Yeah.

That would make sense.

That would make sense.

Yeah.

I gave,

no,

but last year's goes, that's an asterisk. I also gave, the Cavs year was Kyrie.
I gave that MVP to Kyrie. He definitely had the most valuable shot.
But yeah, in all seriousness, LeBron. And I think, dude, so if either LeBron or KD wins finals MVP, here's a good stat.
KD, Kawhi, and LeBron will have won nine of the last ten finals MVPs, and they'll all have done it for multiple teams, I think. And the best part about that stat is Andre Iguodala would be the tenth.
That's the best part of that stat. For locking down LeBron James.
So kind of it's LeBron's MVP anyway. But, yeah, I think – but that tells you, I think, a bigger thing that's happening in the NBA right now, which is it's now about the name on the back of the jersey.
Remember when your coach said it's about the name on the front of the jersey, not in the NBA. It's not.
These guys are switching teams and they're kicking butt no matter what jersey they're putting on that year. So LeBron, Kawhi and KD are obviously doing it wherever they play.
Well, what about Team USA? You're also the architect of Team USA basketball. You've worked for that organization for a long time.
Are you doing any work for them? And if so, can you tell us what the final lineup is going to be? I can. I rotate it off.
Like a lot of the players, I looked at it as a one chance to do it. I did it in 2016 PFT.
We won the gold. I'm not going to say.
Congrats. That must be hard.
Hey, hey, a lot of people don't realize what went into that big cat, how the stats really helped us beat those international teams. But we did it.
Who was your starting five again that year? Oh, well, it rotated. Coach K is a genius.
We went through a bunch of numbers. Sometimes we put Durant and Klay out there.
It depends on who we're playing, PFT, but we won. And I don't know who's going to play this year.
Obviously, the Olympics are kind of a mess. Let's be honest.
Japan is struggling with the coronavirus. Some guys will go and play, and I sure hope Team USA wins the gold, but a lot's up in the air.
And the other thing I'll say about that is Anthony Davis' injury this year is related to that short offseason, and we've seen a flurry of these short offseason-related injuries throughout the league. My colleague, Baxter Holmes at ESPN, did a great piece on that.
But as we approach, again, one of the shortest offseasons in league history, how many of these guys are going to want to go to Japan for three or four weeks in the middle of that instead of just resting and recovering. So it's going to be interesting to see who plays, and we're up against it as Team USA this year.
I like how they brought you in as a data guy for Kyrie Irving, Jimmy Butler, Kevin Durant. Let's see who else.
Clay Thompson, Draymond Green, Paul George, Carmelo Anthony. Flag's five forever.
Yeah. That's a gold medal.
Hey, I was part of that team. I was one of the greatest experiences of my life.
And this is one of my stories for Hank. Like a lot of people, I grew up hating Duke basketball, you know.
And I got a chance to go. And within like seven minutes of being in a room with Coach K, I was like the biggest Duke fan in the world.'ll cut that part we'll cut that part um all right we're gonna get some more kirk goldsbury in a second but we're brought to you by our friends we're gonna get right back to the show the last thing you want to hear when you need your auto insurance most is a robot with countless irrelevant menu options which is why with usaa auto insurance you'll get great service that is easy and reliable all at the touch of a button.
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All right. Back to part of my take.
All right. More Kirk Goldsberry coming up.
All right. Let's talk about our sons.
We are famously a diehard sons podcast. Famously.
Can they go all the way? That's my son's question. It sure looks like a big cat I think you know this series could end quickly they are just dominating the Nuggets who are to be fair beat up Michael Porter Jr.
looks like his back's hurting uh and then obviously Jamal Murray's not there so that's a big hit for Denver but you know don't take anything away from the Suns team Chris Paul is playing about as well as I've ever seen Chris Paul play. And that's saying something.
He's putting out like 10, 15 assists and no turnovers. He's like a robot out there, like a playmaking robot.
And then the other thing I love about this team right now is not only the Chris Paul, but now they have Devin Booker, who's that guy who you need when there's one minute left to go get a jumper. He's going to get that shot for you.
And then DeAndre Ayton is doing a wonderful job on the MVP. So it looks like the Suns are set up to have eliminated the defending champs in round one, despite Chris Paul being banged up.
Now, I know Anthony Davis was hurt, but don't take anything away from the Suns. And then in round two, they look like they're going to eliminate the MVP and Nikola Jokic.
So if that doesn't tell you they're ready for a deep run, I don't know what does. And Monty Williams deserved the coach of the year, my old friend from the Spurs.
But this team has everything. So, yeah, they could go all the way.
Real quick on Jokic. So we've got to give him a little credit.
How improbable is it? Because not only was he the 41st pick, but I saw that you were tweeting about how he's the first center in like 20 years. Like I put this MVP season into perspective overall, both in probability and like where it ranks, you know, in terms of how great he was this season.
Yeah, well, that's a big theme in my book. And I've been tweeting this graphic for a couple years, like MVPs by position, because before the three point line, Big Cat was added in 1979, 80, 18 of the 20 previous MVPs in the NBA were centers, you know, the Will Chamberlain's, the Kareem's, the Bill Russell's.
This was a center's league, man. And then only one of the last 20 has been, and that's Jokic.
And only like two of the last 22, because we have to go back to Shaq again. We talked about Shaq a lot in this podcast.
Shaq won it in 2000. And so since then, it's been power forwards, small forwards, point guards, shooting guards.
But the significance of Jokic is he's made big men great again. And the guy who's the runner up, Joel Embiid, looks like he could be MVP if he could play a full season.
Because one of the reasons that it was a runaway for Jokic this year was just that Embiid missed a lot of time, like a lot of guys this year. But, yes, centers are relevant again, thanks to, I would say, three guys, really.
Jokic, Joel Embiid, who are both leading the top teams in their conferences. I should say Rudy Gobert, the top team in the West.
So that's the third guy. Gobert, Embiid, and Jokic, three great centers at the beginning of their prime.
So centers are back, long story short, and this Jokic MVP thing. What is it, Hot Seat, Cool Throne? Whatever.
Yeah, you guys should use centers. Centers are back.
Yeah, I'd like to see a return to just a bang, like the hard elbows, playoff fouls, nobody flies in the paint, that old NBA for a little bit. It'd be a nice change of pace.
Are you one of the guys that also missed on Djokic? Everybody missed on him. There's been just a running laundry list of people for the last four days just putting their hand up and being like, I missed on this guy.
Everyone missed on him. What was it about his game that was so confusing to scouts back when he was a teenager? Well, it's a little bit like the NFL draft.
We get seduced by the measurables, right? And this is something that Jokic does not have a lot of. He's a big, plodding, slow guy.
He doesn't have switchability. He doesn't have lateral quickness.
And I don't think many scouts really saw his ability to shoot at that time becoming so good. I mean, he essentially can shoot like Dirk.
I know that sounds like sack village to some people, but his numbers back it up. And then there's the passing.
And once this Denver Nuggets team started to play through Jokic on the elbows, he's one of the best playmakers, period. Not at the center position, period, in the NBA.
We missed on him because he's not a great athlete. And at that time, we were sort of skewing away from large players who couldn't switch defensively.
And man, he's one of the most skilled players in the league, period. And he's kind of goofy to watch and quirky, but isn't that what we love about basketball? It's like, there's so many different ways to be great.
And that's what I love about Jokic is he's just different. Yeah.
We've never seen anything like it. You brought up the Sixers a second ago.
I, I had to take that. I felt like this was going to be a series where it, it might go seven, but none of the games are going to be super, super close.
That might be wrong. I've been wrong before.
But then I saw that you were talking about that basically the Sixers could flip this entire series

if they just elected to use their best defensive players against Trae Young

instead of trying to do some weird rotation.

Why do you think they even thought it was a good idea to not put Ben Simmons on Trae Young?

Probably because they wanted to save his energy because Trae Young's a giant pain in the butt. And, you know, we did this when we were at the Spurs and we had Kawhi, but we wouldn't throw Kawhi on somebody until we had to.
And that's exactly what Nick Nurse did in those 2019 finals when he was like game three. He was like, I guess we could shut down Giannis with Kawhi.
And then the series changed. And again, with Doncic, we saw Ty Lue finally play the Kawhi card uh to shut down Luka so Danny Green has an interesting career I used to work with him at Spurs and he was our primary defender on guys like Harden uh and KD in big playoff series until we really needed Kawhi and that's essentially what Doc did in this series right and he tried to get away with using with using Danny, who's a little older now.
Fantastic defensive player, but he's a little older now. Ben Simmons is an absolute stud, and so is Matisse Stiebel, who I think a lot of Philly fans would rather see on Trey Young at this point.
And the numbers back it up, and guess what? I think Doc's already made that switch. So I think Philly is an incredible defense uh and if they win this series against the hawks it's going to have a lot to do with these two guys ben simmons and matisse theibel shutting down uh the ascendant trey young all right so who's gonna is it just nets gonna win it all like are you do you see any other team any other other way this is going to go?

Let's even say James Harden isn't going to be back.

Are they just that much better than everyone else from an offensive standpoint?

It kind of seems that way, and I didn't see this defense coming. And I thought the Bucs were going to give them more of a fight,

and they still could.

But it sure seems that way.

Nobody is stopping this team on offense. And if they can just play passable defense, which they've exceeded that passable margin in the first two rounds, in my opinion, they look like they're going to certainly come out of the East.
I mean, Embiid is now banged up. The Bucs look like they can't hit a shot, and you can't beat the Brooklyn Nets if you can't hit jump shots, folks, and you're not going Brooklyn nets if you can't hit jump shots folks.
And you're not gonna, you're not gonna lose if you have Kevin Durant and James Harden comes back like, geez, this is without Harden. Um, but that said, big cat, I think whoever comes out of the West is going to be ready for a fight.
They've going to be battle tested. They're going to have beaten necessarily two or three great opponents on the way.
Uh, and I would not look past whoever emerges from the western conference whether it's phoenix utah or the clippers or whatever it's it's funny because it's like in playoff basketball it always or at least a lot of times it comes down to like can your second and third option step up and elevate their game and you see it with the bucks where it's like chris middleton's nice but he's not he's chris Like he, some days he'll shoot six for 20. Some days he'll be look good.
And then the Nets, it's like, oh, their second option is Kyrie Irving. And their third option, even when James Harden out is Blake Griffin, who's a phenomenal basketball player.
Oh, and Joe Harris, like you said, best catch and shoot. It's just not fair.
Yeah. And then you got guys like Mike James and, you know, Landryammett out there who are overperforming too.
Everybody is playing well. I think I looked at the non-big three nets in the first two games of the Bucs series.
They're averaging 66 points a game, and they're essentially 50-40-90 guys, meaning they're making 50% of their shots overall, 40% of their threes, and nearly 90% of their free throws. In other words, they're playing like a superstar collectively.

And we weren't expecting that.

I think coming into the playoffs,

one of the big sort of question marks around the nets was defense,

as we already talked about, but whether their depth would show up.

And both of these question marks have sort of been answered,

at least in the first few rounds here.

And it looks like Steve Nash deserves a lot of credit for putting this team together. They've been playing different lineups all year, but somehow they've coalesced at the exact right time and are playing, to my view, the best basketball in the league right now.
So if you've got a superstar team, and it's pretty much, it sounds like a given that they're going to probably win the NBA finals, You have to come up with other hypothetical debates to keep yourself,

I guess, second-guessing really how great they are.

So the two that we thought about the other day are,

one, could these Nets beat those Warriors?

Could this KD team beat his old KD team?

And then after that you get to determine where they rank on the pantheon

of greatest NBA teams of all time. So what do you think? Are these Nets better than those Warriors? I don't think so.
I'm not going to give them that yet, PFT. There's one big reason and a few small reasons why.
I think those Warriors teams, as we talked about earlier, were defensive juggernauts and offensive juggernauts. As I mentioned earlier, they ranked in the top one and two of their first two.
You think about Draymond Green, Andre Godala, Sean Livingston. These guys were a pain in the butt on defense.
And, of course, the Splash Brothers and then those Durant years were pretty good. Talk about a third option.
There was times when Klay Thompson was a third option, and that's just ridiculous. So they were a pretty good offensive team.
And I'll take pre-injury KD over post-injury KD, even though it looks like he's, he's playing pretty well. And I'll take Steph over a Harden by, by a narrow margin right now.
That said, you know, maybe in a year or two, we're looking back and saying this is the best team of all time. I will give them, like we're saying,

they don't have James Harden out there,

and they're blowing out their second-round opponent

and scoring like nobody's business.

So, gosh, they have a lot of firepower,

but I just respect that Warriors dynasty so much for what they did

on that less-than-glamorous end of the court.

So who guards KD in that situation?

Does Klay guard KD, or does KD guard KD? Oh, KD would shut down KD. He knows all the moves, you know.
He would have a hand in the face. He would know where he was going before he went there.
He would be the greatest defender of Kevin Durant of all time. Yes, yes.
And then the other hypothetical was, do you think that these Nets could win an NBA title if everybody in their starting five had to score the exact same amount of points every game? The Suns almost did it last night unintentionally. Yeah, like an egalitarian model, like a Marxist, like Sean Marxist style.
But the other team doesn't know. The other team doesn't know, so they can't be like, oh, Kyrie's got 20 and KD's got 8.
They're going to try to get KD to 20. So would all five of the start? All five.
All five at the start have to get the same. The bench can do whatever, but the five guys.
It's going to be Joe Harris. Because if I pick up on this and I'm the other team and they don't know, but I still need Joe Harris to get to 20.
Yeah, he can. He can definitely do that if they start getting them good looks.
Yeah. Because they can set him up.
They can run plays without you knowing. Like, they can be like, all right, we're all at 20.
We got to get two for Blake and 10 for Joe Harris. They're all running plays for Joe Harris in the third quarter.
I really think they could do it. I think they could probably do that.
I think that's how good they are. I think Blake Griffin and Joe Harris as off-ball threats, if the other team didn't know what was up, yeah, they could get exactly 25 points and end up with one 25 at the end.
I hope they do it. Just like if they're up three, nothing in one of these series, just try it.
Nets don't be cowards. Yeah.
Just fuck with people. All right.
I got two last things. One is a father's day is coming up and we're going to plug this.
You didn't even ask us to do this, but it is so goddamn cool. It is the Naismith international park map kirk made this map it's got like basketball history on it it's very cool it's on the golden hexagon.com you can find also a link in his twitter bio uh it's 50 bucks if your father loves basketball that is the perfect father's day present or if he loves maps but it's also like you know we always know, we always be like Todd.
It doesn't have to be your dad. Big dad personal.
Thank you. You guys are very generous for doing that.
But I am proud of this project. It combines my love affair with cartography and map making with the NBA and college basketball and women's basketball.
It is basketball history on maps. So I appreciate you guys doing that for any dad in your life.
Yeah, the goldenhexagon.com. I appreciate you saying that.
Yeah, it actually is awesome because I love maps. I want to see, you know, every March we do.
Yeah, and trains. We do this thing every year where we talk about brackets nonstop for a month.
I would like more things to be, more data and more history to be represented in map form because I will sit there and I will stare at a map regardless of what's on it for probably 30 minutes if you just put in front of me they're the most powerful documents in human history pft and i think you're just attracted to that i think you're attracted to that as a man yeah but this is actually like this is one of those things where you get you're thinking what do i get my dad for for father's day don't get him like you know a book or a tie or something like that or like a steak get him this because then he'll be like wow you really put some thought into this like you really thought about this present but really you just listen to part of my takes that was a free that that that's the way to impress your dad on father's day there it is all right i had one last question and this is now we're going to get niche audience here so people just deal with it for a couple minutes i didn't realize you were a deadhead so oh huge i am as well i had a couple questions for you i think i actually realized it when you responded to one of my tweets um favorite year and favorite i favorite althea because i think that's your favorite song right well you know i bought that hat after seeing you wear it. That's what you replied to.
Yes, that's what you replied to. I love the Althea told me hat.
My favorite Althea is I think Nassau 1980 or 81. It's on the soundtrack for the documentary that came out on Amazon, but it is just Jerry's best solo work.
He's just on another plane. And I love that one.
My favorite year, though, I'm a little jazzy or a space here guy like the 74 era grateful dead just one drummer um and again jerry is is the reason i listen to the grateful dead uh along with robert hunter's lyrics but yeah that's my favorite year but i'll listen to anything dude what about you i don't think our our listeners know much about your affinity for the Grateful Dead. Same question.

Yeah, I mean, I obviously never saw them because I'm too young.

But I did my first concert ever was Phil Leshin Friends at Alpine Valley when I was like 15 or 16 years old.

So had some cousins that loved them, got me into it.

I'm a Brent guy through and through.

So it's probably early 80s or late 80s for like my favorite.

I'm also like a huge Jerry Garcia band guy as well.

Thank you. brent guy through and through so it's probably early 80s or late 80s for like my favorite i'm also like a huge uh jerry garcia band guy as well i don't let go is like if someone asked me to get into it i always start them with that not with the grateful i'm like listen to sugary on don't let go and tell me it's not like the sweetest guitar you've ever heard i love brent that rolex playing the keys and then downhill from here also alpine valley 1989 yeah one of the great uh grateful dead movies but man we got to hang out and go to a a dead and company show or something yes yes how many different concerts do you guys have in your head at any given time like if you were to just name a city and a year between 1975 and 1990 like if i said red rocks 91 is my favorite favorite show, is that a show? No, I don't think they played Red Rocks in 91.
They were playing bigger arenas at that time. Red Rocks only held like – Bob Weir just played Red Rocks this week, man.
Yeah, that was more like Soldier Field, Massa. Yes.
Hartford Civic Center. Giant Stadium.
They were playing like football stadiums on summer tour back then or basketball arenas and fall tour so red rocks a little small but to answer your question way too many dude and it's also it's great because obviously now um with all like you can find any show so i'll just find a show or find a year and just like i've also fallen back in love like i had a little phase where i fell out and now i'm back in love and it's just like it always kind of comes back i don't know it's one of those like my safety blanket you know like during the pandemic i got so into it there's this app called re-listen where you can go listen to any show from any air on your phone uh and i would just pick this random function and i was just like take me away folks it was the best and if if anyone's trying to get into it, Amazon has an incredible documentary about it. 100%.
It was so good. That part about Al Franken talking about his favorite Althea, which was- That's the one I love.
And that movie turned me on to it. And I've listened to hundreds of versions of that.
So that's the best one. But yeah, that documentary.
I do agree. If you're curious about The Grateful Dead, that is a great starting point.
Okay. So to bring bring it full circle do you think it's a little weird that uh grateful dead logo has become like cool and pop culture with people who i don't think listen to the band i've actually seen a bunch of nba players like i think i saw devin booker maybe lebron was wearing a dancing lebron wore like a jerry bears yeah and i was like no way does lebron listen to the dead oh it's like a Grateful Dead shoe that just came out recently.
Yeah. But I was like, I don't think that if you asked LeBron what his favorite Althea is, he would be able to answer it.
He was more of a Keith Gacho guy than a Brent Midland guy. Yeah, he liked Donna Wailing.
Yeah, exactly. Oh, man.
But yeah, it's weird. It's weird to see that crossover.
I mean, I don't hate it, but it's just funny to see. Grow the game.
Stu Gatz, also a big deadhead at sports media. I didn't realize that because I saw him at the Super Bowl in Miami.
I should have – damn, I should have brought that up. All right.
We'll have to go to a show, bro. Yes, yes, I know.
Come to New York. We'll go to Citi Field.
Say no more. Okay.
The BFT has to go. Yeah.
I've seen Derek. One of the Freebird solo over Althea, dude.
Let's see that. You should actually do the Althea solo for my birthday.
I'll do that. Thank you.
I'll learn it. I saw that, what was it, like a Phish concert.
They went up there and they did the Freebird solo, but it was just all four of them doing it with their mouths,

just like acapella style. Yeah, they do that.

Going like, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam.

It was actually pretty cool because they did every note.

John Fishman, the drummer for Fish, sometimes plays a vacuum as well.

It's amazing.

So, yeah.

I did see Dead and Company, though, when I was, I want to say,

21 years old at Nissan Pavilion in Virginia.

All I remember from that show is, well, first of all,

there was a guy smoking a joint out of chopsticks when I was walking in.

He was like,

Thank you. old at Nissan Pavilion in Virginia.
All I remember from that show is, well, first of all, there was a guy holding a joint, smoking a joint out of chopsticks when I was walking in. He was like 70 years old and he was like, you want to buy some brownies? And I was like, yes, I do.
And then I remember about an hour and a half later, there was a 30 minute drum solo that had wolf sound effects going on in the background. I was like, where am I right now? I'm not as big of a a space guy i usually take a piss during the drum so i have to admit it's the gentleman's bathroom right yeah exactly exactly and i do like i like good old-fashioned american rock and roll with set one in bob weir i do like that as well the best thing about space is when they come out of it i swear to god there's been times where i'm like i was just old enough to see jerry at the very end it wasn't as fine as time, but I saw it.
But I was always amazed. Like space just puts you to sleep and then they come out of it and you're like on another planet.
Yeah. It's the best.
Yeah. All right.
Well, yeah, we'll have to we'll have to see a show together. That'd be awesome.
Thank you, Kirk. We appreciate it.
It's been awesome, man. Great to see you, buddy.
Thank you guys. Recurring guests.
See you. Absolutely.
Do you have a shirt? I do shirt i do i have a recurring guest shirt you do so you're one of like three people that has it's like you rachel nichols who else it might just be you two uh uh spencer moss spencer and randy moss yeah yeah yeah blake so five people you're one of five that has one we tell everybody we'll get the group together at a dead show But I also want to say you guys also gave me that tie-dye sweatshirt that Big Cat had last time I was there in 2019. And then I had the Althea hat.
And there was this one day I had both of them on. I was like, hey, I look like Big Cat right now.
Did you dress for my pile? Yeah. But anyway, I love you guys.
So congrats on everything. Love you too, Kirk.
Take care, buddy.

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Now, here he is, Mr. Portnoy.
And now for something completely different. Okay, we now welcome on the number one.
Is he number one? No, Blake Bortles was. He's the number two recurring guest of all time.
He is our lawyer. It is Mr.
Blake Bortles. Yes.
Yeah. Nice company.
I never thought we'd be mentioned in the same sentence. Well, there it is.
I want to ask you about your health and how you're doing. But first, I want to just clarify something.
When we texted to set this up, you responded. I sent you the zoom and you said zoom expert i was kidding oh a little sarcasm a little sarcasm on my part which apparently didn't pick up i did not i thought maybe you had become a zoom expert in the pandemic like you told me a long time ago and i didn't know what you were saying you were talking about parody and i thought you were talking about parody meaning equal and you were talking about parody being comedy right but i thought we were talking about things being parody that this is parody now you know not but not this is comedy now right got it okay so we're on the same page how is your how are you doing i I know that you got in a fight.
You should see the other guy. Right.
You're doing okay? Okay. This was not pleasant, trust me.
I hit my face, face first, on a sidewalk cement. And people say, how did that happen? I have an idea to some extent.
To some extent. I remember I was walking along the sidewalk.
The sidewalk was, the cement on the sidewalk was raised. I remember that.
And I walked beyond that. I know I did.
And I have progressive sunglasses on and it was dusk, I want to say. So I think what happened, and I know I walked over the first cement, a piece of cement.
And I think what probably happened was that my sneaker the heel of my sneaker might have caught in a pot that i didn't see i went down like a shot uh the next thing i know there was a there's a place called uh an assisted living place is what in front of it was right where i fell oh no i'm. I'm bleeding everywhere.
Oh, no. I ran into the assisted living.
Of course, the first thing they said, you're not allowed in here. They're like, well, maybe you should be here.
Or they're like, what room are you sure? I'll get your attention. I wasn't, again, I wasn't in the mood for any parody at that point.
Right. But so when they saw me bleeding, they're like, okay on in.
So without boring with the gory details, 20 minutes later, I'm in an ambulance going to the hospital. And I'm in the hospital and they do a lot of tests because I fell.
So I was there for the better part of the day. And I had a big, big bruise under my eye.
But fortunately, that's all it was, was a bruise, because no blood leaked into my eye, which might have been a fairly serious situation. So that was all right.
But my eye looked like I got hit with a baseball bat. It's much, much better now.

But I had stitches on both my hands, my right hand, and I have on my finger next to my pinky finger on my left hand, I got a small splint in there because there's a slight fracture in the tip of that finger. I want to tell you because

I there's a slight fracture in the tip of that finger. I want to tell you, because I've always been someone, even when my daughter was in college, I always remember this.
I used to give them a laugh because when I walk, even I'm talking about a long time ago, I'm not someone who raises my feet maybe the way I should. I shuffle along.
So I was walking. I always remember this.
This used to be entertainment for my kids. I would walk in the dorm with sneakers on, and after three seconds of walking, I would start to trip because I wasn't raising my legs.
And, of course, all of these things, you know, have been a long time. time the only thing that came up out of all this which maybe i don't know maybe it saved my life i don't know they did a uh cat scan on my kepi you know what a kepi is tell your partner there what a kepi is he probably doesn't know what's a kepi i don't i don't know.
Tell him. It's your head, right? It's your head.
The Yiddish word for head is kepi. Got it.
So if somebody says you got a good looking kepi, that's a compliment. I've been wondering that for a while.
What people mean when they say that to me. What's that? I've been wondering what people mean when they say that to me, so thank you for clearing it up.
Have you heard it before? Oh, yeah, all the time.

Really?

Yeah.

You're painting the kepi.

He's doing rarity.

He's doing parody on you.

Yeah.

Anyway, everything on the – and I had a whole battery of tests

because I felt the only thing that came out was the fellow that was –

I guess he was the nurse practitioner.

The only thing he said to me, there's only one thing here.

The thing shows you have fluid in your brain. Whoa.
After that, I didn't hear a word he said. I mean, I said, what the hell are we talking about here? Fluid in my brain.
So then I talked to my internist, I guess a couple days later, and he says to me, this is on a visual call. He says to me, you have a high amount of fluid in your brain.
Again, I didn't hear a word he said after that. All I hear is, am I going to die? And then, make a long story short, I'm already at his, the long story.
I end up with talking to a neurologist at the Mass General, and he didn't make it sound like it was such a, it is not a good thing necessarily, but it's not something that people don't have. It doesn't mean you're on the way to the cemetery.
But, you know, so I'm going to have some more tests now. Okay.
And he checked my walking.

I walk fine.

I walk two miles every day.

So that part of it I know is not a problem.

One thing I do have a problem, I'm hesitating telling you this very much

because you're going to, again, make parody out of it.

No.

So I'm working for you here.

I have, and you can ask Smitty about this, cousin cousin Smitty from my ex show. He knows all about this.
One of the tests they give you, the neurologist, maybe you've taken this test. You guys are too young.
They say to you when you first hook up with the neurologist, I'm going to ask you to remember, I think it's three or four

words, and then we're going to talk a little bit. And as we talk a few minutes later, I'm going to ask you to repeat those words, okay? I've done it during a physical.
The first couple of times, maybe the first time I did that test, I funked it big time. The second time I think I had to do it, I found out a way to game the system, and I passed the test.

This time, I... flunked it big time the second time i think i had to do it i found out a way to gain the system and i passed the test this time i am so there's another word flump i don't know submit submit i mean i am nervous about what the hell is going on and i flunked it again this time i mean i didn't you know i i just didn't i wasn know what I mean? I got, this is bothering me.
The other thing they ask you to do, which I flunk miserably, and this has all to do with your memory abilities. All right.
You guys are probably A1, you're young. I was probably not A1 when I was young.
You got to draw a clock. And you got to draw 12 and 6 and the numbers.

And then the neurologist will say to you, point to 415.

Flunk that terribly.

Number one, because I'm a terrible artist.

I can't even draw the clock, let alone pointing out where the numbers are.

I got some issues.

I'm not denying it.

I got some memory-related issues. When we were on the show with Smitty and he used to write, he was getting a laugh.
I wasn't doing this for his entertainment, but I got to a point where I had a list of words that I would not remember when we were, when I was on with him, I had to write them down so that I would get, I would get them. And now for some of these words, I have little tricks that I use to remember the words.
The thing that happens is that the thing that happens is this is scary. I'll remember the word.
And then a few minutes later, I can't remember the word. So it's not good.
I'm not dying, but I'm not going to have Alzheimer's next week. I hope not,

but I mean, you guys aren't laughing

because it's not funny. No, I was

worried about you. When I heard that you fell,

I was genuinely worried about you.

Can we give you three

words right now? No.

Let's try it. Let's try it.
We'll make it

easy. Yeah, we'll make it easy.
First one,

Uber. Okay.
Second one,

Patriots.

Third one,

Chatterhead. All right.

Thank you. We'll make it easy.
Yeah, we'll make it easy. First one, Uber.
Okay. Second one, Patriots.
Third one, Chowderhead. All right.
Uber, Patriots, Chowderhead. You understand that that's not what the test is.
Well, no, this is our test. We're going to ask you later.
Yeah, we're going to ask you later. No, I know.
No, I'm not doing that. Why? I'm not.
Look, I'm not doing that. I'm telling you, I am not doing that.
Okay. And I'm telling you why I'm not doing that.
You're doing it so you can get some entertainment. No.
Yes, you are. No.
Laughter is the best medicine, Mr. Portnoy.
We're trying to make you feel better. It won't make me feel better because I'm going to front the freaking test again.
I'm not doing it again. That is not going to make me feel better.
What were the three words?

Uber.

See, I already forgot.

Uber, Patriots,

Chowder.

Yeah, there we go. You gave me kind of a broad hint there.

No, I didn't.

Are you hearing voices?

No.

I didn't say anything. You got that.
No, you gave me a little hint there. From a physical standpoint, not just mentally, but physically, how are you feeling, though? Are you sore? No, not really.
This is the biggest problem that came out of this, which I kind of knew would exist. I'll tell you, it's a crazy thing.
Actually, I have a Boston sweatshirt. I think it's a champion sweatshirt.
Maybe it is. Maybe, I don't know.
When you put it on, on the label, it says authentic on it. Okay.
One of the words I was trying to remember was the word authentic because I had bet on a horse years, a few years ago that ran in the Kentucky Derby that was called Authentic.

I couldn't for the life of me remember the name of that freaking horse.

But now that I have that little thing in my cuckoo brain,

I get it more often than not.

But I could forget that word five minutes from now,

and I would get it back, but I would forget it.

All right?

So you're going to ask me Chowder, Uber, and what was the other one? Oh, fuck. I forget it.
Patreon. Yeah, see? You're fine.
Wait, but here's – I'm going to do a spin zone for you. It sounds like you never learned how to properly walk.
So the fact that you made it this long before falling is actually a credit to your athleticism. I want to tell you, of all these problems, the one that I'm least concerned about is the walking.
I'll tell you, years ago, I'm talking about a number of years ago, when David was starting to date Renee, that's how I can remember around the time frame. He was with me and my wife walking on Beacon Street in Brookline.
And I've occasionally tripped. And I did trip and fall.
And it was like in slow motion. If you've ever done this, sometimes it's a very slow thing.
And that was in slow motion. And a guy who I think, and my family, it was dead quiet.

They didn't know whether to laugh or cry when this happened.

It was all in slow motion.

They're not saying a word.

A Japanese, I think it was Japanese, guy walks by me.

He was the only one that helped me get up.

They just stared at me.

They didn't know what to do.

And what do you think David Portnoy did?

Immediately, immediately picked up his cell phone and called Renee.

You missed this.

And that's my son.

And she was so upset that she didn't see it.

Not how it was.

Oh, I missed this.

I can't believe I missed it.

He fell.

Yeah.

So shout out Patriots. And what the hell was the other one? Uber.
Uber. Yeah.
There you go. Two out of three isn't bad.
No, I think you've gotten two out of three every time, but they've been different ones each time. Yeah.
So you do remember all three of them. Well, you know what it is? I'm in a stage now where I am so uptight about this.
It's like I knew when I was talking to the doctor the other day and I flunked this. I knew I was going to flunk it before I even started.
Right. You're psyching yourself out about it.
Huh? You're psyching yourself out. Yeah.
Well, I'm nervous about it. Right.
You were nervous. It sounds ridiculous.
You probably can't even relate to this. No, I get it.
No, I think the, like, obviously, it's a little different, you know,

getting older versus maybe an injury.

But I've always said, you know, I've broken bones playing sports

and all that stuff.

The worst part is not, like, the physical pain.

It's the mental pain of, like, shit.

Now I have to, like, deal with this.

And this – you psych yourself out.

It sucks.

I know what you're saying.

And this is really – you've got to understand,

this is a little worse than if you broke your hand right which you did which you can do right yeah well yeah i fractured uh the tip of my the finger and one finger but believe me believe me that is not what is weighing on me right now other than shot of Uber and Patriots.

Yeah, you got this.

You got this.

You know what it is?

I'm very relaxed right now.

Yeah.

I enjoy talking to you guys.

I'm relaxed.

But I'm also under pressure because I know I'm going to have to do this one more time before we leave.

And I probably won't.

Uber, shot of Patriots.

You're glowing right now.

You look happy and healthy.

Because I just got it right.

Yes.

Let's go. time before we leave and i probably won't yeah we over child of patriots you're glowing right now you look you look happy and healthy because i just got it right yes yes all right so what that seems like probably the biggest thing going on in your life right now but are there any other smaller complaints or issues that we can help solve or talk through you know what i'll tell This is a function.
Have you ever went in to buy an automobile?

Yes. help solve or talk through you know what i'll tell you this is a function have you ever bought uh went in to buy an automobile yes all right i've bought many through my years through the in fact i just bought one about two hours ago whoa what'd you buy i bought a master a silvarado wow i drive a master incredible there's a shortage of new cars going on right now yeah I have but unfortunately I'm turning in a car that I love which was a BMW 2002 BMW convertible but as I said to the guy and the car was pristine but I said to the guy that's been fixing it I went in there and said our partnership is over I can't do this Because it seems like every other day, I walk in there and I just give them a blank check.
And I just can't take it anymore. The car's a 2002.
It's only got 100,000 miles on it. But I just can't do it anymore.
So it owes me nothing. The car is in pristine condition.
They'll put it in the auction. And they'll sell it immediately because it's beautiful.
But what are you going to do? Anyway, the reason I brought that up, I've been buying cars all my life, all my life. The car dealerships have never changed.
They advertise what they do, but it's all bullshit. I went in to look at a Honda the other day.
So this guy comes out who naturally I had had my regalia on. I didn't mention a Patriots or a Charter or Uber.
But I had something that said, oh, I'm a big fan, blah, blah, blah. And the first thing he says to me, I've only been working here three days.
Would you buy a car from someone that had been working there three days? Absolutely, yeah. Because that guy is not going to be as good at negotiating as the guy you're wrong you're wrong he is not capable of negotiating with you he is only capable of doing what the offer what the manager tells you to do yeah i asked him do you have a business card he was gone for 35 minutes trying to get a business card, talking to the manager, the sales manager, and came back and had to write his information on the back of the card because they had no printed card for him.
And, you know, everybody in that showroom was, there were males mostly, I would say 98%, 22 years old maybe. They have no idea what they're doing.
None. All right.
So as I leave this kid, I tell him, you know, if I'm interested, I'll get back to it, et cetera, et cetera. When I get in the car to drive away, the first thing going through my mind was not Uber, Patriots, or Chata.
I'm doing pretty good. Yeah, you are.
You know something? I'm feeling very good about this because this is the best I've done in a while. Good.
But don't call me back next week to do it. No.
Anyway, so I'm thinking to myself, how fast is the sales manager going to call me on my cell phone? 13 seconds. He called me.
This is, this is the, you know, something, the one thing in this world I know I could do. And if you ever saw Larry, Larry David did a hilarious episode on this when he wanted to become a car salesman.
And I, that episode was one of the funniest because so many things he did in that episode. That was me.
That's what I always thought. I really believe if I went into one of these dealerships, not so much that I could sell cars, but I could show them what the fuck is wrong with what you're doing.
But, but, but, you know, the other side of the coin is today, the customers are not people my age, certainly not at a Mazda dealer. You go on a Mercedes dealer or a BMW dealer, it's a whole different vibe most of the time.
But it's a real I don't know what the correct word is. It's not Mazda, Chowder or Patriots.
I'm very impressed with myself. but what what what it is you can just see it's a dem you can see the difference in the demographic and way that way this particular business community views their customers you can really see it right because it's because the tree it's fascinating i have always found it fascinating and that's what that's so that's not really a complaint observation.
I like that. So what was your decision? How did you end up making the choice of where to buy your car? I went, you know, the truth is I went in there and it was much more of a low key operation.
All right. I didn't feel any pressure.
You know, what are you, are you going to buy the car today? It's just one of the taglines. You're going to buy it today.
None of that. It was a much much lower thing i had already pretty much knew the car that i wanted you know there's a different world you know on the internet you can see what these cars are and you can really have a pretty good idea not a hundred percent but i'm someone which would never in a million you know what this car of honor is you hear that advertised they deliver a car to you yeah yeah it could come from anywhere in a million years 10 million years i wouldn't buy an automobile that i get in especially we're not talking about a new car we're talking about a used car yeah you got to drive it you get to see it you got to drive you got to smell it you gotta you gotta do a 360 lap yeah hands on you gotta drive past like a reflective mirror type glass and look at yourself in the car you look yeah yeah well ever since uh i was drinking some chowra and i knew about the patriots and uh uber yeah thank you yeah i'm so happy with this is the happiest i've ever been let's go you didn't want do it.
You didn't want to do this, and look at you.

You're killing it.

You're going to catch me one more time.

I got to say one thing, Mr. Porter, because you are going to yell at me afterwards.

Can you back up just a little bit?

You're going to get mad at me because you're – yeah, there we go.

Yeah, there you go.

I got to back up.

No, you're going to get mad at me when you see the clips, and it's just half of it.

It's just half your face.

When you said back up, I thought you wanted me to repeat something. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
So that's good. I mean, it feels like, all right, this is a good, like, we're boosting you back up.
This is dudes lifting dudes. Yeah, I want to also tell you before I forget, if you knew the number of people that, you know, that know who I am for one reason when I'm out.
You know what they always ask me? I miss you not being on part of my tech. That's true.
Yeah. We miss you too.
It's been a long time. I know.
You had your serious show. It got canceled because of poor reviews.
So we want to. My son was right about that.
Partially right. I do miss doing it.
He said he was afraid that if I lost it, I would kill myself. And he wasn't going to let that happen.
But he kind of reneged on that. So I'm still alive, at least temporarily, except now I'm dealing with a shot over in Patriots.
I am doing it. Yeah, you're killing it.
Yeah, the bag wasn't big enough from Sirius for Dave to keep you alive. Yeah.
What's that? It wasn't enough money from Sirius. So Dave was like, you know what? If he offs himself, he offs himself.
Have you found a way to scratch that itch, though? Are you still calling your cousin every morning and doing a radio show between the two of you? I'll tell you, unfortunately, and I wanted to mention this, too, is the problems I've had medically, he's had a bypass. bypass oh and he's got some issues that he's dealing with now he's going to be okay but he this almost sounds funny yeah he had the operation i want to say maybe two three weeks or maybe i don't remember exactly you could send him get well wish he right nowish.
Right now, he has to sit in the car. He has to sit in the backseat because they're worried that the incision could come out.
So he would love to hear from you guys. Thoughts and prayers.
Shout out Cousin Murray. Shout out Max B.
Max B. Max B.
is doing very well. I can't believe he's 10 years old.

Wow.

He's got some athletic ability, which I saw early in my son,

and I see it in him.

With COVID, we always went with Dave,

always went to the games from an early age,

haven't been able to do it with

my grandson. Did you ever coach

Mr. Portnoy?

Way back when, you mean? Yeah.

Or now? No, way back when.

Oh, yeah. I coached the Little League

team.

That was really the end of it. I didn't do

anything beyond that, but I did coach.

As I remember, it was the Red Sox.

We used to go out for Charter and take an for charlotte and we take an uber and go watch the patriots there you go that's that's great i can't that actually that's crazy that max b is 10 because you when you first came on the show he was five years old i think you were like yeah yeah picking him up from the bus stop yeah you like that for kindergarten yeah you were you were one of our first guests we do miss you you're welcome to come on but have me one more i yeah i'd like to tell you i'm very busy i've just said right now i have to do the first time in quite a while i'm doing some legal work but uh i'm always available let's put it down what are you who are you suing are you suing that sidewalk you know something oh this is what i didn't tell you about that they went back to the scene of the crime i didn't take an uber there right uh and i the papers weren't on and i hadn't had any child i am doing great anyway so we i wish my doctor saw this now you know something now they're gonna i'm gonna i have to go for an mri on my kefi which because of I flunked that test. Maybe could we send this as a video? Yes.
Anyway, so I went back to the scene of the crime, and the police came down when this happened, because it just so happens very close to the police station where it happened, so they were there. The DPW marked the area with red ink.
There was a plant, a tree that they had remulched, a young tree. They marked where the cement was with a red border and a big X on it.
I'm sure if I had seen that, maybe I wouldn't have fallen. Yeah.
Plus, it was very interesting uh i saw my dry blood on this drops so the whole thing you know but it's probably suing them that's a waste of time man well since you already admitted on this podcast that you've never lifted up your feet when you walk yeah i think that's probably but even if i had even if even if i had an argument that i wasn't you know that i was doing very well walking etc very very difficult to sue a town in that situation where i live which is a fairly nice area the sidewalks are an abominable condition i mean the street's not bad not bad, but the sidewalks are terrible. Terrible.
I've got a question for you, maybe some legal advice that we could use some help with. So we've recently come under fire for the alleged bullying of the reigning U.S.
Open Asterix champion Bryson DeChambeau because people are yelling, let's go, Brooksy, Adam, after he hits a shot and then he'll kick them out.

Can we be held legally liable for any damage done to Bryson's brain for mental harm? I'm only worried about my brain. I think, you know, it's like any case that there is that I think it's a weak case that he has.
I think that to link what you did

let's just for the sake of argument, say that there was, I know I've always told you guys, when you talk about, this would be an intentional tort, say, that's an intentional, not a criminal wrong, but you did something intentionally to upset him, okay, and to cause him mental anguish, all right? And you did, and it's probably true, that probably is why you did it. But the other part of all these stories is, which I'm sure I've told you many times, how does he prove his damages?

How does he prove his damages? Does he go and see a doctor and say, doctor, because of these assholes, and pardon my take, I'm not, I can't play anymore. I've lost endorsements.
Nobody wants, I think maybe you ought to look to Brooks Koeper before he talks to you, because that seems to be, you know something? that idea that my son had of having

him Kepler before he talks to you. Because that seems to be, you know something? That idea that my son had of having him caddy when David does that thing with Brooks Kepler, that is such a brilliant idea.
He'll never do it. I'm sure he'll never do it.
But he should. Is Kepler Yiddish for head? Close.
I don't know. You know something? If you think about it, they both have odd first names, don't they? Brooks and Bryson, yeah.
I mean, that's not common names. I mean, Bryson, I don't think Brooks really is.
No, definitely not. I had a question about your son.
So your son's been posting a lot of videos recently of him playing youth sports all the way up through high school. I saw that.
The videos that he posts, they're very flattering of him. Is your recollection the same? Like, was Dave a great athlete growing up? He was very good.
And what he was, which, you know, you talk on baseball, I don't care how good you are. There's got to be more than one good player on the team all right and he was with a group of people that were good players he wasn't the best one on that team there were a couple people that were that were one kid i don't know if you know peter you might have better met him he's worked for mlb uh he was an exceptional athlete and got a lot of awards.

Reload to David, I'll tell you something.

And it's gone now, but this is what my grandson has not, speed.

When David was younger, he had speed.

And you know that expression in sports, speed kills.

You can't teach somebody to be fast.

My grandson has it. David had it no longer, obviously.
Let's get Adderall. But yeah.
It's similar. Oh, you're going to call.
I got it. I got it.
All right. Well, Mr.
Portnoy, let's wait. He just hung up.
That was it. That was it.
All right. That was Mr.
Portnoy. I think he nailed the – he would have gotten Uber, Chowder, and Patriots.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

I think that's it.

We just healed him.

Yeah.

You don't want to tell him to join again?

I think that's an appropriate sign-off.

Yeah, that was the perfect sign-off.

I'll call him right now.

I'll follow up.

I'll tell him thanks for coming on, and we'll have him on again.

So, yeah.

Thanks for supporting him.

Do you have to ask him the real back question? No, I don't. So, we're good.
Hey, so we'll end it there, but can you just give us three words real quick? Uber, Zoom, Patriots. How about that? Uber? No.
Chowder? Hold on.

Hold on.

Wait a minute.

Uber, Chowder, Patriots.

What did I miss?

You said Zoom instead of Chowder because you were thinking about going back on Zoom.

He's looking at the Zoom.

That's understandable.

Yes.

I got to pass on that.

Yeah, you do.

Yeah, you were looking at the Zoom to try to get back on.

But we'll talk to you soon.

Wait a minute.

What's your chance?

Uber, Patriots, child.

Perfect.

Nailed it.

All right.

Great show.

Are you going to report that on the year I want that report?

I'm recording it right now.

I'm recording it right now.

We're still recording.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I want you to say, okay.

Jake, can you actually blog this?

Yes.

Mr. Portnoy Aces.

Yes, he's back.

He's back.

Mental exam. All right.
We'll talk soon, though. We'll have you on soon again, okay? All right.
All right. Talk to you later.
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alright let's wrap up. We got Fyre Fest of the week.
Also, we got some great, great, great interviews coming up. Next week is going to be packed.
Bobby Valentine on Monday is awesome. We already taped it.
It's fucking awesome. Yeah, yeah, it really is.
We went one, two right out of the gate. Rap question, mustache in the dugout question.
It honestly felt like somebody that we've been great friends with for 30 years. And we're going to maybe be working on his campaign.
You never know. Hank, you know what my Fyre Fest is? You didn't yawn in the mic for the people.
Yeah, I'm waiting until the end. Oh, you have them? Are you eating them? I've been eating them.
Oh, you just ate one. You swallowed? You just ate one.
No, I can't do it on command. All right, stop.
My Fire Fest of the week is that I had an opportunity to go to game six of the Islanders game, but I decided to save my money because I was going to buy tickets to game seven in Boston and go home, watch the Bruins win seven at home, and that didn't happen, and I didn't get to go to a game with the Coliseum. So that was a mistake.
And the Firefest, and my beloved Bruins are now kicked out of the playoffs. But you did make the right choice because you would have watched a loss.

Right.

And spent money on a loss.

But it's a cool atmosphere.

I don't know.

Maybe I could have been able to write that off in my own mind.

Collie.

What?

Just a trip home.

Get to go down to the spit.

Chuck some knucks.

I appreciate what you just did, Hank.

Because that is the all-time.

Everyone does that.

He didn't say write that off on my taxes. Write that off on my budget no write that off on my own mind yeah and that is so true when you're like all right i wasted money on this but yeah well you know spent three hundred dollars at the bar i didn't i well i didn't go out all of covet right and also hank you can keep that in your back pocket as an example of a vacation that you didn't take.
Yeah. I miss those days of like in college where it's like, all right, I don't have a lot of money.
I'm going to go big tonight, and then I'm not going to go out on Tuesday. And that's how I budget.
Oh, I mean, like if you got sick on a weekend in college, it's like you look back on that. You're like, that honestly probably saved me probably saved me $400 money.
Yeah. Money.
I wish I got sick more often on Friday. Oh, that was.
Sorry for everyone who's yawning now in their car on the commute. All right.
Good fire fest. Thanks.
That's it.. That's it.
Alright. My fire fest is the pretend girlfriend that I never had is now trying to sleep with everybody else on this podcast.
Yeah, I woke up to that. So that's a shame.
She got mad at me because she saw the video that Bubba put out where I said she's a friend and a professional and a respected journalist and all of the above. She's just going to you harder.
Yeah, well, now she's like... She hosts the Joe Rogan podcast.
She does. She's a media mogul, Hank.
She's not just a podcast host either. She is multidimensional.
She does videos that she gets paid for. And now she's mad at me because I said that we're just friends.
So she's lashing out. She wants to sleep with the entire podcast right now, which means that part of my take is going to be even more successful based on her past.
Yeah. So a girl that I was never dating broke up with me.
Brutal. Sorry for your loss.
But she also DMed me to apologize later and called me daddy again. So who knows? Just do it, PFC.
Who knows? Just go down there.

Who knows?

Get it over with.

I don't want to force it.

I can't force it.

It's like there, but it's not, you know?

Trying to get you to yawn.

Now I'm yawning.

Now I got yawns up my... Oop.

It's like...

You're scaring me.

You're scaring my yawns.

Just do it.

Just do it. I'll pretend that your yawns aren't here here i'll just pretend they're not in the room all right my fire fest is um i am officially uh with two kids now i think i'm just officially gonna miss some things so i it happened to be on sunday night when i came in and you guys were like hey you guys see trump pants and i legitimately had not seen a single tweet about it yeah i just missed the whole thing like i just missed it i don't know if it was what i was doing but then i realized i have to just come to grips with the fact that there are certain things also happened with the tommy cheese balls video uh when he uh rudely said that our friend rico bosco has a dicky dodo.
What's a dicky-do? It's when your stomach's so big you can't see your dicky-do. I think it's your stomach sticks out farther than your dicky-do.
There it is. But I missed that.
So guess what? I'm just going to be the miss-it guy. I mean, it also happened with Corey Davis.
People told us, which I'm not going to blame anyone else in this room, but no one said, hey, he's not on the Titans anymore, but I'm just going to miss some stuff. Hand up.
This is my pre-warning that, you know, like when I'm like, hey, I just missed that whole thing. I literally just missed the whole thing.
I had no, not even an inkling of the Trump pants when you guys were talking about it. It's actually a blessing for you.
Yeah, it's a great excuse.

Memory hole.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Listen, 90% of the stuff that I learn about on a day to day basis is stuff that actively makes me dumber to know.

Yeah.

Like when I saw the Trump pants, I was like, all right, so some people are saying that

he's wearing his pants backwards.

Some people are saying that he didn't iron his pants correctly.

Some people are roasting me saying that they look like my capital's pants.

And then six hours later, I completely forgotten about it.

It just took a valuable.

You know what?

Thank you. his pants correctly.
Some people are roasting me saying that they look like my capitalist pants. And then six hours later, I completely forgotten about it.

It just took a valuable,

you know what?

His pants were living

rent free in my head.

Yep.

Right now,

big cat,

your head is like no vacancy.

Yeah.

Not for all full,

baby.

Like when you watch eight hours

of Casey Anthony videos

seven years later.

Yeah.

I did get really into the,

that's just the criminal

interrogation series on YouTube, which the fucking algorithm absolutely nailed me on that one right true she is

bonk yeah i'm i'm more attracted to how good of a liar she is yeah when she's like you're trying

to her personality yeah yeah she's like well in a crazy way she's like i yeah i work at universal

studios she doesn't and then she led the detectives into an office building hank hank was that a yawn she takes him to the end of the office building and she's like uh yeah i gotta be honest i don't actually work here yeah like to me that she's cool i i i do think yeah it probably is for the better overall just for like you missed a couple things. You don't need to see everything online.

But it was jarring because it was almost like being concussed and being like, oh, I forgot we had this conversation.

You should see what happens when you take a vacation, Big Cat.

It's crazy.

Well, we are.

You've been liking a lot of those tweets.

July 4th.

We actually, a couple of us are, what?

Hank's been smashing that like button.

Oh, I did like your like of the Dave Bordrois mean to intern suite. That person showed up just today.
Just because I had to go through some stuff doesn't mean other people should. Shout out all of our interns.
They're trying hard. Love it.
They're doing it. You.
The voice for the voiceless. Yeah, you made the world a better place.
That's right. You built something better for the people who come after you.
Right. That's actually a very admirable thing to do, Hank.
Thank you. I almost called you Frank.
I don't know why. All right, Jake.
Would you just fucking dominate all week again? No, it was actually part of my sweep today. Me, Hank, and PFT all won.
Yeah, no that's what i'm saying i mean so did they they actually put out more convincing performances than me they deserve more credit than i did stop it jake you're doing double sportsmanship again it started off as a true fire fest until a few hours ago it was resolved but backstory cup on the last episode i had the reminder in a couple of weeks of you guys having to uh suck your own private parts. And I had been doing research the last episode, I had the reminder in a couple of weeks of you guys having to suck

your own private parts.

Dicky dudes.

And I had been doing research the last two days trying to figure out where that originated.

We have our answer.

Thanks from Chris from upstairs.

He works upstairs.

He emailed me.

And you go back to the January 27th episode.

Oh, no.

Where are we?

And Jake, make sure you put this in there. Give us a reminder that we need to make a video sucking our own dicks before the takey awards this year and how important it is the weight of history is in our hands mlb hall of fame tom verducci yep all right so we'll do it yeah yeah that's good yeah yeah so it was a fire fest trying to figure it out but now that video that video was uh video was, yeah.
Okay, good. All right, good job, Jake.
Wait, that was when he was in his study. Sunlit study.
I watched it, and I've never laughed harder at something that was trying to be so, so serious. What are you laughing at? Liam, stop.
You're ADD, big cat, today. Focus.
Focus on the podcast. I want to yawn.
I'm also curious. I can't.
We're not ending the show until we get a yawn. I can't.
You can't force it out of me. Jake, what did you what were you googling to try to figure out when we talked about sucking our own dicks? Yeah, did you see our dicks? Pretty much what you'd expect.
Did you see any cocks? No. No.
Shout out to Chris. That is a huge shout out.
Alright, so we we will full-ate ourselves. Make a video.
Deep-throating ourselves. We're going to have to hit up AJ Teddies for some advice.
Brat. Oh, okay.
Dude, out of sight, out of mind. As a bro to a bro, we got to get you over this breakup.
Dude, I'm down bad right now, big cat. By the way.
We got to get you over this breakup. I have a serious question.
As dudes, are we not posting enough of our own dubs? We should. We should post.
That account is. PNT posting dubs? Yeah, the account dudes posting dubs is a great account.
We should post more dubs as dudes. Yeah, I agree.
We got to post each other's dubs. We got to dub each other up.
Hank, good job at ping pong today. Thanks.
You needed a dub. You got one.
There you go. Sweep.
Hank, are you going to play against Jake soon? Yeah, in the tournament I'm going to win. I'm going to win the whole tournament.
Yeah, you are. I'll be the best in the office.
You are going to be the best in the office. Hank's going to schedule Jake against every other top seed on his side of the bracket.
He's going to be in... There's a big, massive contingency of people doing the scheduling.
I'm just a small part of it. A small notch in the conveyor belt? Is that what you said? Yep.
54. Give me an 8.
63. 67-92 out of play.
You have a 1-97 shot shot today because B-Word has 69. No, 69 is in there as 100, remember? Ooh, unlucky.
13 does not count. Does not count.
13 does not count. Wow.
Wow. Anyone who had 13, you got robbed.

47.

I feel like that happened last week.

We've had 47 before.

47 now joins 52-84 in a 5-peat category.

Wow.

Is 47 bad for lottery balls?

Wait, did we have 47 like last week?

47's last appearance was May 6th, a month ago.

Wow.

Love you guys.

Got a fact.

Wait, wait.

Yeah, give me a journalism fact.

Journalism fact.

Bobby Valentine on Monday.

Awesome interview.

There are two different kinds of a microphone.

A condenser, which is used for studio recording and radio like we're using right now.

And dynamic is for live performances and speaking like the metal silver round one.

Very cool, Jake.

Love you guys dog king away. I don't know what to say.
I'm going to call it over.

I'm going to call it over.

I'm going to call it over.

I'm going to call it OPA. I'm going to call it OPA.

I'm going to call it over. I'm going to call it over.

I'm going to call it over.

I'm going to call it over. I'm going to call it OOPA.
I'm going to call it OOPA.

I'm going to call it Uber.