Lions HC Dan Campbell, NHL/NBA Playoffs, Plus Monday Reading On What Animals You Could Kill

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
Lowe's knows that your business is built on speed and trust. That's why the Lowe's Pro Desk is here to get you what you need the moment you need it.
We'll help you plan your project, calculate your materials, and pivot when your job takes an unexpected turn. And with our pro-only checkout and dedicated pro parking, you have what you need to tackle your job and be back on the job in no time.
Just visit us at the Pro Desk. Lowe's Knows Pros.
We help. You save.
On today's part of my take, Dan Campbell. Yes, probably the most requested guest we've had in the last two months.
He's finally on the show. It did not disappoint.
Wait till you see what he would do for a Super Bowl trophy. Your move, Mike Vrabel.
Let's just say that. Awesome interview with Dan Campbell.
We have NHL playoffs starting. NBA playoffs.
Picture ready to go. We'll talk about that.
Preakness. Who's back of the week.
And a great Monday reading. A packed Monday show.
We had to do it for Dan Campbell. Actually, I just realized, PFT, our Monday reading is about humans versus animals.
Perfect for Dan Campbell. Dan Campbell should have been one of the animals that was listed that you should fight.
Yes, yes. So awesome show coming up.
Before we do all that, we're brought to you by our friends. We're going to get right back to the show.
Hear that? It's Spring Fest Savings calling your name, only at Lowe's. Right now, get a free Select Ego 56-volt battery when you buy a Select Ego trimmer, blower, or mower.
Plus, get to part of my take. Okay.
You save. Valid through 4-2.
Selection varies by location. While supplies last.
Excludes Hawaii.

All right, back to part of my take.

Okay, let's go.

Boys!

Boys!

Now in the street there is violence.

And I'm not allowed to solve the work to be done. No place to hang out or wash in, and then I can't lay all on the sun.
Oh, no. We're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue, and then we'll take it higher.
Oh, we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue. It's pardon my take presented by bar stool sports welcome to pardon my take presented by body armor i just had a delicious sip of my tropical chaos my favorite flavor is strawberry banana everyone knows that go buy body armor uh at amazon or you can buy it in store.
Today is Monday, May 17th, and PMT Rivalry Week. Yep.
Big time. Here we go.
Big time. So, last we talked to you folks, we had a mayor's bet between Hank and PFT.
The Capitals playing the Bruins. The loser's going to have to eat Olive Garden on a live stream until they puke.
And champagne. And drink champagne.
Chardonnay. And they're going to get chard-bombed.
Yeah, chard-bombed. I once got chard-bombed at River Shannon.
Shout out River Shannon in Chicago. And some kid, some stoolie just walked up to me and was like, hey, chard-bomb, dude.
Just a glass of chardonnay. I was like, do you mean so you gotta chug it you gotta chug it now i chugged it and then i puked instantly outside are we bringing back icing is no coming back this summer stop stop shard bombed that was fucked up that was the one and only shard bomb i'll ever do i don't even like chardonnay but if somebody gives me a glass of anything it's like the rules are you have to got shard bomb it could be drano it could be motor oil but if somebody's like yo dude you just got you just got uh that's oil bombed i'd be like okay i guess bottoms up that's yeah i thought the same thing but i i don't think that i don't think you could just do that you can't do it to random people maybe but it's more to a friend yeah i would accept that guy was my friend because he was a listener i think i think you become a friend after you get shard bomb yeah.
Tweet at me if you're still alive. Hopefully you're not.
Yeah, it was overtime hockey. All the games are going to overtime.
Wait, wait, wait. Let's talk hockey.
But you guys are now matched up also on Tuesday night. Yep.
Celtics versus Wizards. We were trying to figure out if we needed a bet, and we decided no because the NBA really fucked up the one cool thing last year of the play-in game by making it a play-in game tournament where Tuesday night's Celtics-Wizard game actually isn't an elimination game, so who the fuck cares? It's like a ladder.
If you lose twice, you're out. It obviously matters because you want to win, but if you lose, you just play on Thursday.
It's like, oh, okay. It's so— Well, embrace debate.
Is this the playoffs? Is it the postseason? Is it a wild card game? Yeah. It's like the playing game for NCAA.
Yeah. Wild card games.
It counts. It counts as a play.
It's the pre-competition. I just hate it.
Because back in the day, they used to do series, like best of five series and then best of seven. That was still the playoffs.
But this is... I just hate that they...
Like, they had something good. Eight versus nine is good.
You know what I mean? The team that just barely missed the playoffs to the team that did make the playoffs. When you add the 10th seed, it's stupid.
And the fact that the 7th seed could potentially not make the playoffs is even dumber. I just hate the whole thing.
I'm going to go out on a little limb here. I think that if the Wizards beat the Celtics, if they end up matching up against the Nets,

I think that the Wizards could actually beat the Nets in the first round. Okay.

They're hot.

The Wizards are—

Is it one game?

No, they'd have to play a seven-game series.

It would have to be a seven-game series.

No, I'm saying how many—you're saying the Wizards would win the series.

I'm saying—

I'm saying—

No, listen, I'm saying—

It's like your Trailblazers winning—

No, listen.

Listen to me very carefully in how I'm selecting my words.

The Wizards could beat the Nets in the first round. Yes, they could.
They can. Anything could happen.
They can. Anyone could get injured.
They could. I want to actually put a quick parenthesis on my take that I hate the way the play-in game has been constructed this year and say that if LeBron somehow doesn't make the playoffs, the traditional playoffs, I love this and I think it's the greatest thing that's ever happened to the NBA.
And this technically isn't the playoffs. Right, exactly.
If LeBron loses, he missed the playoffs entirely. I think he actually missed the traditional playoffs.
Well, he missed being one of the automatic qualifiers to the playoffs for the first time in his career, right? Yes. Look, I do think the play-in game was fun last year, and I'm all for that.
I just think the fact that they made it 7, nine ten and seven could miss the playoffs is just it's stupid they took a great thing and they made it dumb every year they should just rewrite the rules with two weeks left to make sure that zion can get in yeah just like in a different way whatever they can just like jump the 10 and 11 seed if they're the 12 and be like listen the 12 gets to play the six zion should always get in series yes also one-game series. Yes.
Also, one team should be able to draft Zion. Am I stupid? Am I, like, when you do a playoff seeding, 7 should play 10.
8 should play 9. What, you're talking about Sweet 16? Yeah, no, but I'm just saying it's so, like.
You're talking about the NCAA tournament. It's so stupid that, like, it's just dumb.
Like, 7 should play 10 and have to beat, 10 should have to seven twice and eight should have to play not like it just makes no sense also someone i will say this uh to the conversation about records last week someone replied to us and let us know that you just have to think about it like ncaa tournament seedings yes that was great except for oh and 17 right that doesn't exist there's no zero and. And it's actually going to be even more pronounced on Wednesday when the Lakers play the Warriors, which everyone wants to see, which will be exciting.
But, again, it's not an elimination game. And then I bet you whoever loses that game is going to win the next game.
Beat the Spurs and the Grizzlies. And then they'll get in.
Right. So it's a great thing in theory, the playing game, but the way the NBA is constructed, I just don't...
I can't feel juiced up for a game where the loser of that game still is in the playoffs. It's a classic case of Adam Silver reading the NBA Reddit comments too much and adapting his entire playoff structure because somebody had a post on an off day that got way too many upvotes.
I think it's just the 7-8 thing that bothers me the most

just because when you watch a one-game playoff,

it should be a one-game playoff.

Also what it is, in the NCAA rankings, in the tournament,

you always have the 8 and the 9 playing against each other

and the 7 and the 10.

You're just used to seeing those numbers next to each other.

Correct.

I agree with you.

Yeah.

All right, so you want to just do NBA now?

We'll do it. Yeah, we'll do NBA right now so uh the Knicks won the title uh they I think they're gonna raise a banner in all seriousness Tom Thibodeau is an unbelievable coach like what he has done what Julius Randle has done it's incredible no one gave the Knicks any credit this year going into it I went and looked back and it was like everyone had the Knicks in the lottery.
All the prognosticators, everyone had them as being a terrible team again. Their roster's not that great.
The resurgence of Derrick Rose. Like, all these things.
It's cool. Tibbs is just an unreal coach.
I miss him. Whether he burns them out, who knows, but the fact that he has the Knicks as the four seed is incredible.
Well, they're not burned out yet. No, but this is where they would be.
It would be awesome if the Knicks made it to the finals. I think that's what I'm rooting for out of the East, actually.
As someone who's very much in just cheer for chaos mode when it comes to the NBA playoffs, I would love to see a Subway series, Knicks-Nets, Eastern Conference Finals. Eastern Conference Finals.
Yeah. Yeah.
Well, yeah, I think that could happen.

Yes, that could.

The Knicks are the two.

Yeah, yeah.

The Knicks are the four.

There'll be the two or the three, depending on...

We're taping this during the games.

Hank, I have something that will probably make you sad,

but I want to just throw it out there.

The Nets have a chance to possibly get to the finals

or win the NBA championship.

Would they have officially won the trade with the Celtics when they traded all those guys and they got all the picks back? Because the Nets would be in the finals before the Celtics were. Are you talking about when they got like Paul Pierce? Yeah, like 15 years ago.
Well, there's still some assets that are probably being exchanged to this very day. I don't think so.
Would the Nets technically have won the trade because they got to the finals first? Technically, yeah. It's a ridiculous thing to say because obviously it's not true because it's got so many picks.
You know what? I'm fucking sick of everybody saying the Nets did it with free agency. I'm sick of everybody saying I'm a process guy.
I'm a results guy. Yeah.
I don't care about how the process worked out. If they get to the finals, yes, they won that trade in my book.
This is actually, in the East, it's like the three teams at the top. Basically, if you don't make it to the finals, if you're the Sixers, Nets, or Bucks, everything is broken.
It's such a chips all in because Giannis, this would be another time where they get to the playoffs and they don't get all the way over the hump to the finals. The Nets, obviously they have the most talent.
I still think, oh, I've got to find James Harden's quote. Did you see James Harden's quote from the other night? I didn't.
Fuck. I love James Harden.
He's my alpha. I'm bummed out that Giannis signed his extension before the season started because we are getting robbed of some very juicy storylines that could be happening right now yes like just judging Giannis's future in Milwaukee based entirely on how his team performs this offseason is something I'm going to miss dearly this postseason tell me the quote is so good not to brag or anything but I'm like really really good at this game yeah there was that when he came back from his uh you know he'd been gone for like a month or so and and a reporter was like wow you looked really good tonight he's like yeah dude i'm fucking awesome he's like i'm a professional basketball player and then the sixers the sixers it is the pro like the process it does feel this is their best chance and bead is you could make the argument is the most dominant player right now in the nba like it all come together.
They have to get to the finals this year. You forgot two words.
Win healthy. Win healthy.
You're contractually obligated every time anyone in sports media mentions Joel Embiid and about how he's in the MVP consideration. You always have to tack on Joel Embiid.
Win healthy is the most dominant player in the NBA. No, what I said.
I said most dominant player. I didn't say MVP.
That's Jokic. Oh, I was going to say Steph.
Yeah, people are... Because Steph did win.
So going to the West, Steph winning the scoring title on the last day was awesome. Going crazy.
Very big. I think the Barstool Sports account tweeted it.
Very big Jake Marsh energy coming from Steph Curry. I am the best in the office.
He flashed everybody. Some may say Steph was actually ripping Jake off.
Yep. With how he was acting.
He actually showed all four of his nipples to the crowd. Yeah, he did.
He pulled his shirt up. I'm the best in the office.
That's what Steph was saying. What? Hank, how are you feeling about the Celtics? It doesn't really matter at this point with Jalen Brown injured.
I just hope we can. I would like to beat the Knicks.
I would like to beat the Wizards and then upset the Knicks just to watch the city burn. Why do you want to beat the Wizards? You want to see me lose? Wait, I don't think you can play the Knicks.
At all? Well, not in the first round. So you'd have to beat the Nets.
Or the Sixers. The Sixers would be nice too.
Okay. I think, Hank, you should just root for everybody to get out of the play-in game healthy.
Just no injuries. You're snakebit.
That's my favorite line to use about a team, to just write them off for that season. You should be using this, Hank.
We're snakebit this year. We have nothing to lose.
The game. The pre-playoffs.
But as we talked about, no one's going to... I told you, when Jalen Brown, yeah, that was the spin zone you got to go with.
Like, hey, what does it matter? Right. Yeah.
All right. Oh, and then so then we have the Lakers versus the Warriors, if everything goes as planned tonight.
I think there was a game. I think there was a game that was being played tonight where both.
Oh, the Clippers and the Thunder are playing right now, and they both want to lose. The Clippers want to lose for seeding so they don't have to play the Lakers.
And the Thunder have been incredibly bad. It's actually exceptional.
I saw something where they were 1-20 in the last month and a half, and they hit their 20th win or something in late March, and they've won one game since. They're something special.
Do you think they activate Myers Leonard for the last game? Ooh. Do you think he's in okay? Where do you think he is right now? I don't know.
He's probably just online somewhere. Express VPN.
He's masked his browser somewhere. Yeah.
He's probably still streaming. He's definitely still streaming.
My guess is he set up a new Twitch account anonymously. Because once you get into that Twitch life like that, there was no reason for him to be streaming when he did that.
And you can't just quit that. You're addicted to it.
He's probably streaming for like three people. Absolutely.
All right. And then any other NBA stuff? I'm excited for the playoffs.
As a whole, have we as a nation decided that we're just going to write the jazz off completely? I need to get on the same page as the rest of the media out there because I think I've decided that. But I don't think there's a single strong jazz band.
I don't know. Like a jazz advocate.
Yeah. I mean, Rudy Gobert is awesome.
Yeah. So we can just be like that.
I like Rudy. Rudy.
Yeah like Rudy Rudy's awesome I'm thinking Bogdan Rudy Gobert actually saved probably hundreds of thousands of lives yeah that's true with his cavalier attitude I'm a results guy not a process guy what's your joke about the jazz I'm going to hold it. No, you can't just say it.
I don't want to. I like Rudy Gobert.
I like Bojan. You have to have it on Wednesday, though.
I'm going to say some nice things about the Jazz. I like Rudy Gobert.
I like Bojan. Mike Conley's on the team.
Bojan? Bojan Bogdanovich. There's Boban.
No, no, no. That's Marjanovich or something.
Come on. Dude, come on.
The Bojan and the Mojan mixed up?

Donovan Mitchell?

I like their old jerseys.

Yeah.

They had the mountains on them?

When they do the weird color game,

it takes me about five minutes to figure out if it's the Suns or not.

Or the Nuggets sometimes.

Yeah, right.

You know that?

That one's weird.

Oh, they did tell Gordon Hayward,

have fun being LeBron's B-word. Little B-word.
They're very respectful when they're disrespectful in Utah. That's very true.
That's very true. That's about, I think we've hit our quota.
They're the only pro-powerful sport team in their city representing. I think they have real Salt Lake, too.
Power four. That's huge.
Before the soccer people come at me. That's huge huge power four i like oh joe english i love him for he's the best australian yep and he fucking fills it up when he gets hot it's fun to watch all right all right there we go jazz that was that was us being like hey when we have the few people from salt lake city say i've been been a day one AWL.
You never talk about the jazz.

Just refer them to that last three minutes.

I don't think that you're allowed to listen to part of my take in Salt Lake City. Yeah.

Or podcasts.

There's a firewall.

Yeah.

No podcast.

No pornography.

Yes.

You can type in boobs in your Word document and look at that for a while and get turned on.

Speaking of the Trailblazers, because this is right around the time where I'm going to start saying to myself, maybe they could just outscore everyone. Yeah.
You talked about a guy that fills it up. They could just outscore everyone and win everything, but I know that's not going to happen.
Let's just do a fun power rankings. What's our dream Final Four in terms of teams that would be the most fun to watch? Warriors the the now these are yeah this has nothing to do with seating so don't tell us these can't happen right warriors blazers yep and then i would say nicks nets yeah nicks nets all right so that's what we're rooting for nicks nets warriors blazers did you see that one guy who tweeted at Dame before the season being like,

hey, I need you to get over 41.5 wins this year.

Like, my house is, depending on it, 1-800-GAMBLER,

please gamble responsibly.

And Dame was like, got you.

Tonight they have 41 wins, and they have one game left.

Oh, shit.

They're playing right now, right? They're about to tip off in a minute. He's got them.
He's got them. He said he got them.
There's something about the Blazers. They are playing for something.
There's something about the Blazers that they just form these crazy relationships with their fans that tweet at them like, I'm trying, Jennifer. Yeah.
Remember that? Yeah, they're just a cool team. Yeah, I like the Blazers.
They're always a cool team. All right, hockey.
Let's talk some hockey. Let's talk hockey.
Every game going to overtime. Yeah, first three games go to overtime.
Then the fourth game's going on right now, and it's the Battle of Florida, and it's actually electric. Overtime playoff hockey is the most fun thing to watch if you don't have a dog in the fight.
And then if you actually do have a team that you're rooting for, it just sucks. It takes years off your life.
It's like taking the worst drug possible if you have a team and

taking the best drug possible if you don't have a team.

Yes. So NBC,

I want to give a shout out to NBC. So this

is their last year that they're

having playoff hockey because they lose the

package to ESPN. And I

likened it to it raining

on your last day of vacation

and being like, you know, it's not so bad that we have to leave

this place. The score bug and no Doc Emmerich, which I know he retired last year, just makes it easy.
Like, it's okay to say goodbye to NBC. The score bug is an abomination to the Lord.
And not having Doc out there, like, I just, I want to thank NBC for making this as easy as possible. Yeah.
I mean, the broadcasting team definitely is nowhere near as good without Doc. You can have Doc do anything.
He's like the most versatile voice. Yeah, he did the pregame.
Yeah. And it was awesome.
He's amazing. But watching overtime hockey when it's your team, it brought me back.
It made me realize how much we actually do need fans in the stadiums to make the games better. When you've got an overtime crowd there in person, the roar after the goal is amazing.
But even better than the roar is the dead silence after a goal when your team loses or when the home team loses in the playoffs. The shriek.
There's nothing bad. I think that was on my Mount Rushmore sports sound.
The sole shriek of a stadium or arena that just got their life sucked out of them. Sabermetric stat of the week for the NHL playoffs.
The entire league's on bird alert. All bird teams have lost so far.
Ah. Just the penguins.
That counts. Are they technically a bird? Oh, yeah.
Penguins are a bird. People forget that penguins.
Yeah, they're weird. They're aquatic birds.
They don't like fly. Do they fly? No.
Flightless. Yeah, so fuck them.
They're not a bird. They technically qualify.
You don't count as a bird. Have you seen March of the Penguins? Yeah, I've seen that shit.
Penguins are birds. I know it's technically a bird, but if you can't fly, you're not a bird.
Ostrich? That'd be like... Larry Bird? That'd be like looking...
That'd be pointing at a bus and being like, look at that airplane. Yeah, a little bit.
Same thing. No, but there are some planes that they lose the ability to fly, but you can still drive them around.
It's the same thing. It's a bus.
Just call penguins what they are. They're buses.
They're a bird with wings. They're bird buses.
They're a bird with wings. Anyways, they stink.
Sorry about beating your Bruins, Hank, but it's kind of like comeuppance for the city of Boston, I think. You guys just run all your star players out of town.
It's sad. Like, Brady, Mookie Batts, get rid of him.
Zidane O'Chara, see ya. We don't like you anymore.
So, it's kind of like. Terry Rozier.
Yeah, it's like just deserves. Scary Terry did get run out of town.
Isaiah Thomas. Kyrie.
Mm-hmm. It's something about the city.
I don't know. It's like you get a little success there, and it's almost like the fans get jealous of you for being too good.
I'm no hockey expert. I just know that when you have a backup goalie that's 40 years old and he was literally tripping over himself and, like, knocking over the net because he couldn't stand up straight, you've got to win that game.
Yeah. That was a good analysis, Hank.
How was it you guys watched the game together? How'd it go? It was fine because I honestly think that the fact that our goalie got hurt so early on and the guy that came in looked like he was terrified. He looked like he was doing a slapstick routine back there.
And so I just assumed that we were going to lose. Hank assumed he was going to win.
Yeah, it was like all pressure off. Win game two and the series is on.
Series swings back to Boston. Right.
Yeah. So are you guys going to watch game two together? Probably not.
Monday night? Monday night? Probably not. Probably not.
I haven't decided yet. Yeah.
Maybe. I'm just going back to like.
Depends what color the mountains are, you know? Tuesday night being so bummed out that there's going to be a game that we're going to watch the Wizards versus Celtics and it won't be elimination. Yeah, that sucks.

It's just so lame.

Nine o'clock, no less.

It's so lame.

It's like you can't have that.

If you play a game, a playing game, the team that loses has to be out.

I've also decided that it would be very funny because the Canadian division

in the NHL, they still have regular season games going on.

I think until Wednesday.

I think the last game of the regular season in Canada in the Canadian times

I'm sorry. Because the Canadian division in the NHL, they still have regular season games going on.
I think until Wednesday. I think the last game of the regular season in Canada in the Canadian time zone is on Wednesday.
I have decided that it would be very funny if the Leafs, because we are rooting for the Leafs as our Canadian team, I think. If they ran through their first two rounds, 4-0, 4-0.
The Leafs, you said? The Leafs. The Maple Leafs.

And then when they got to the semifinals, they weren't allowed to travel

outside of the nation of Canada

and then they just couldn't compete.

So it would just be like every other year that Canada

doesn't win a Stanley Cup. Exactly, but the year

where they were perfectly primed to do it,

they could just claim it. Yeah.

You could just declare yourselves Canadian

champions. The Knicks already claimed the title.

Yeah. You can do anything you want.

Put a banner up.

It will actually be fun for Knicks fans. MSG, the Mecca.
The Mecca will be lit. The Mecca will be ready to go.
I had a sense that my spidey sense told me it was NBA playoffs time because I had a dream on Thursday night, a fever dream from the J&J shot, no big deal, kind of a bad boy, that the Bulls, as currently constructed, won the NBA title this year. Yeah.
And I basically got to dunk on everyone being like, Zach Levine's a fucking man. And then I woke up and I was like, whoops, they're not in the playoffs.
It's your body telling you that it's time for the NBA playoffs. Yeah, it was getting ready.

True fever dream.

Once White Sox Dave tweets out the horny tweet about Nala in late March,

that's really when the playoffs start to ramp up.

By the way, I'm going to throw in an extra third Eastern Conference team

that would be fun, the Hornets, Lamello.

Why not?

Scary Terry.

That would be fun.

MJ.

Lamello and MJ. MJ would try to suit up.
Yeah. If they got to the Eastern Conference Finals.
Fuck it. All right.
Other things we had this weekend. The Triple Crown's over.
So who won? Rombulus? Rombauer. Rombauer.
I think it's a great name for a horse, honestly. Rombauer.
If I had known that Rombauer was racing, because I did the thing where before the race, I took a look at the form. I did like a once over and I saw that, okay, I'm going to bet on Midnight Bourbon and I'm going to also bet on Medina Spirit to say I'm sorry.
And then I didn't really look at the names of the other horses too closely. If I had seen Rombauer, that's a powerful horse name.
Yeah. Midnight Bourbon almost, it was sad because I was going for my personal triple crown and It felt like he had it, but Rombauer, that's a powerful horse name.
Yeah, Midnight Bourbon almost. It was sad because I was going for my personal Triple Crown, and it felt like you had it, but Rombauer.
That was a fast horse down the stretch, really fast. Honestly.
I hope Rombauer gets disqualified too. I hope they find drugs.
I hope every horse this Triple Crown season. Well, I was just saying, Bob Baffert, obviously you want your horse to win, but there's got to be a small part of him that's like, all right, well, at least he'll get off me.
Because if Medina Spirit won the Preakness, the heat just gets even hotter. The storyline increases.
Right, exactly. Now it's like, all right, I'm just going to keep my Kentucky Derby winnings, and everyone leave me alone, and I'll come back and I'll win a triple crown another year.
I had a dumb question when I was watching the race. Can horses be, are they left-footed or right-footed? I don't think so.
Do they have dominant hooves? I don't think so. Because I would like to get the stats on that and see if left-footed.
Which ones win more often. Left-hooved horses do better against right-hoove competitors.
Like in baseball. Like a pitcher-batter matchup.
What's the right ratio you have to have? I'm not sure. Yes, they can.
Oh, they can. I'm doing a very quick read of the

details, but... You're reading a

Facebook meme. You are the best...

Jake, you're the best employee we've ever had at

doling out animal facts on this show. Yep.

And just in general, you're basically our boss.

That's not true. Okay.

Whatever you say, sir.

Successful horse

training and care.com. Yes, they can.

They can, but do they?

This is kind of like

the penguin issue. No, they can be.
No, they definitely are. They have dominant hooves.
But do they? Like, are they all guaranteed to be dominant one way or the other? Male horses exhibited significantly more left lateralized. Oh, it's gender.
Exhibited more right. Wow.
Okay. So it's more, for the most part, going up against lefties.
But it's lefties are basic. So if there's a righty who's a male horse, is that an advantage? That is goofy style.
It's a goofy foot. Yes.
All right. Next time we have Randy Moss on, we got to ask him to break him down.
You have to look at the horse's facial whorls and see which way they flow this sounds like you look in their eyes it sounds like you stare at the pad this is like something that you'd find in poor richard's almanac about horses yeah i like this though okay thank you uh to our veterinarian on staff jake uh all right let's get to who's back of the week and then we got dan campbell coming up the barstool Golf Time app makes it easy for golfers to find the best tee times at the best prices.

Stop searching all over Google for your next tee time.

Start searching multiple courses in your area from one app.

It's annoying to have to create accounts for each individual course to book online.

Just make one account with us at Barstool Golf Time and book all of your tee times.

Plus, the new reservation sharing option allows you to take control and book tee times for your entire group. Earn golf time rewards every time you book or leave course reviews.
And then you can redeem those rewards for free Barstool Golf Merch in our store. Download the Barstool Golf Time app now.
Start earning those rewards and booking those tee times. Barstool Golf Time app now.
Okay, who's back of the week? Hank. I have a couple.
Right. I love it.
My first one is Kelvin Benjamin. Yes.
Yahoo. Yes.
He is going to be a tight end now. He's transitioning.
He actually is. Good for him.
Yeah, you got signed as a tight end. Did he change the pronoun from wide receiver to tight end? I just love that he's just like, I'm just going to eat my way to being a tight end.
Right. It's very, very relatable.
And if there's anyone that could do it, it's him. It's honestly gross.
Speaking of changes in positions, do you see Urban Meyer is just that report that Travis Etienne is taking reps as only a wide receiver? That's just so Urban Meyer. I saw that.
He's trying to create Percy Harvin. I understand what he's doing, I think.
He's just saying we know that he's a good running back, so this is rookie minicamp. But don't be surprised if Urban Meyer doesn't make him Percy Harvin.
He just wants to recreate the Florida team. So he needs to sign Rick Ruth then.
Yes, he's just going to. You've got to have somebody that owns a gun on staff.
Yeah, it was just a very fun... I mean, I obviously think Urban Meyer probably knows what he's doing, but it would be very funny if Urban Meyer drafted a running back in the first round, which was maybe not a reach, but you could probably...
You already have a good one in James Robinson, and then made him a wide receiver. Yeah.
Although I do understand the logic behind it. It's like, let's see what you can do.
Yeah. We're going to ask you to run a lot of routes.
Let's use these like two days to have you do mostly that. Next.
Gary Sheffield. Yeah.
There's a video of his son, Noah, hitting a home run using his exact same like bat technique, which obviously they're the only two to ever really do it. But when you watch the video and you see how he kind of basically warms up the torque to hit the home run as far as he can, it really makes you think, why doesn't everyone hit like this? Yeah.
That was the most feared batting stance growing up. Like when you saw Gary Sheffield coming up to the plate, it was a miracle he didn't hit a home run every single time.
Yep. And how do you time it like that? Well, that's where it's like the video of his son, I watched it a million times because it's just like the way he basically is like, you know, priming his swing with the torque.
And then when he swings it, you can just tell he hits it a million miles away. I always used to think it almost hypnotized a pitcher.
A little bit. Intimination.
If you saw the beat happening, then subconsciously your pitching delivery would get synced up with his beat that he was putting out there, and then your timing would naturally be a little bit easier as a batter. The only thing that's tough is that there is a real Gary Sheffield Jr.
who I don't think plays pro baseball anymore. No, I think he works for OutKick.
Right. Yeah.
That's crazy. You should play in the Blue Jays.
So yeah, That's the only thing that sucks because it's like you got Vlad Jr. living up to Vlad.

And then you have Gary Sheffield Jr. doing Gary Sheffield Jr.
things, but it's not the real Gary Sheffield Jr.

So is the other Gary Sheffield Jr. the one that actually plays?

It's Noah Sheffield.

Yeah, that's what I was going to say.

So that's now Gary Sheffield Jr.

Because I bet you Gary Sheffield Jr. probably is kind of sick of getting like, oh, you're Gary Sheffield Jr.

Do you not play baseball?

Right. Name swap that shit.
Right. Perfect.
Right. kind of sick of getting like, oh, you're Gary Sheffield Jr.
Do you not play baseball?

Name swap that shit.

Right.

Perfect.

Right.

Everyone wins.

Is that it, Hank?

For who's back that I had multiple of?

Yeah.

Okay.

Good job.

Thanks.

Way to work.

I've noticed that ever since the Jake incident.

You've gone above and beyond.

Speaking of which, Jake and Hank on Thursday, I'll be on the call.

Yep.

Sweet.

Make your picks.

Playbarcel.com. My who's back of the week is, well, first of all, it's Rafa Nadal beat Joker in straight sets.
Don't know if you saw that big cat. On clay? I don't.
Who cares? Not sure. Probably clay, so who cares? Yeah, it's Rome.
It's a warm-up to the French Open. Who the fuck cares? Fucking clay? Rafa can only play on clay.
King of clay. King of clay.
That's enough Alcatraz. my other who's back of the week is just being back being back is back yeah i don't know if you guys have noticed this but just everything is back it's so cool like everybody is just back all the time about everything bars are back hockey games are back playoff playoff basketball is back crowds are back everything's back hot weather's back with everything you're saying.
Being back is so back. I will say in the fairness of this show, if someone who shall not be named because he's on Room Springer did that as a who's back, we would have made fun of him.
Because we've been like, you didn't think of a who's back. No, I actually did think of a who's back.
No, I know. I'm saying.
And being back is back. I agree with you.
Back is back. Yes.
you're absolutely right. This is what I'm telling people because I don't want I'm saying I am.
I'm a hypocrite because if that person had said that I would have been like, dude, you didn't even think of one, but I did think of one and being bad. There's no denying that being back is actually.
Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely.
Just being back and shorts and shorts and shorts. All right.
my Who's Back of the Week is PFT. I can't believe you didn't have this one.

So now... back and shorts and shorts and shorts all right uh my who's back of the week is uh pft i can't believe you didn't have this one so novelty drinks is what you're bringing back i've always loved novelty yeah it's my favorite thing but the myrtle beach pelicans uh lowball cubs affiliate has beer bats there it took the internet by storm i don't know why we don't put beer in more items like this like i would drink beer out of a football at a football game yes i'd drink beer out of a basketball or a shoe at a basketball game or a skate like why don't we do this there should be beer yeah you should be able to bring your own vessel no matter you should be if you have like your own invention not even bring it but i'm saying like if i went to a hockey game they should have a glass hockey skate that i can drink or a hockey stick i would say drink out of car stick a stick car stick whatever i like why this isn't in it's not only you should something you can drink out of but it's instantly a weapon which is cool it's probably why yeah more places don't do it yeah i might have just don't done that to myself.
Going to a NASCAR event would be amazing if they had the gas hose, and they just put it in your mouth. Or a tire.
A tire you could drink out of. You just carry around a huge tire.
You wore it around your neck, and instead of the little plug that you would put the air in the spigot or whatever, you just put that in your mouth as a straw. Yes.
Gas is so back by the gas is back yes talking about gas gas well the hackers they paid off the hackers five million bucks that it was so funny you see how the hackers got in whoa what hackers so they hacked into the pipeline that that supplies a lot of the gas to our country you might have gotten got if you're was that a fake one in north dakota no no different talking about pipeline the. Are you talking about the Kansas City one? Yeah, that was fake.
It was fake? I mean, it had to

have been. Why do you think it was fake? Because it was on

it was written on a

like a

completely different font

on a just white background

that wasn't linked from anything.

Yeah, Big Cat, it was a meme. Right.

So it was real. Yeah, right.

It was as fake as could be.

It was very funny. We don't know if it's fake

though. I mean, I would

Thank you. Yeah, Big Cat was a meme.
Right. So it was real.
Yeah, right. It was as fake as could be.
It's very funny. We don't know if it's fake, though.
I mean, how do we know it's real? I don't know. Because it looked cool.
I think it's more on you to prove that it's real than everyone else to prove that it's real. I initially got my information in a text from a friend that had the exact words that they copied and pasted from the meme.
So I saw it in two different text formats. Yes.
I would say if you can't Google it, can you Google it? Google Kansas. I already, yeah.
Yeah, it's not there. It's not there.
Yeah, right. It would have been incredible.
I don't know. We'll see.
I think the facts are still coming out. We'll wait until the facts come out.
It's okay to say you got got. We don't know that.
Yeah, it's okay. But we don't know that.
It was a funny way to get got. The meme was basically that the oil company got hacked because someone opened an email that said, what was it? You want to see the biggest...
It was a bartender wearing a Kansas City Chiefs bikini top and said, you talk about Kansas City, but they spelled cans. It was cans can guy talk you know and then they said click the link to see more pictures and then right that was the fishing link and that's how they got fished and you got fished by thinking that you might be getting fished by your own brain because we don't know what happened i again i think it's on you to prove that it's real okay i'm working on working on it.
I'm with PFT. You're going to find the meme? I'm not trying to find the meme.
I'm trying to find the actual story for what happened. Oh, also, Taxes is back.
It's Tax Day today. It's your Taxes.
It is Tax Day. Eight months ago.
Jake, do you have a who's back? Udonis Haslam. It happened Thursday night after we recorded, but on Thursday night against the 76ers, three minutes, four points, one rebound, one fight, one ejection.
Wow. What a legend.
He was just waiting to get in for that. So that was his first game, and there are five players averaging at least 30 points per 36 minutes.
Giannis, Beal, Embiid, Steph, and Udonis. Got it.
I found the original tweet, PFT, that has 6,000 retweets. The guy has 531 followers.
I'm going to say that it's not real. Just looking at who he is.
He seems like one of those accounts. I would like for it to be very true.
I would love for it to be true, but it's okay to say that it's not true. Okay, somebody replied, follow me for more images, and it's just a busty girl in a cheap shirt.
So are you giving up? Wait, no, that's not the original tweeter. I was just, I saw the cans and I clicked.
Yeah. They got me too.
Part of my take is now held hostage by the Russians for five million dollars. We will give $5 million.
Yeah, Udonis Haslam is awesome. 40 years old? 40 years old and still not really doing anything.
Oh, culture. Culture.
He's literally the culture. Yeah, what is it called? Heat culture.
Oh, heat culture. No, I thought we had another word for it.
Culture. No, didn't we have a funny – didn't we combine something? PFC's still trying to find a chance I thought it was something else Maybe I guess I'm just going to memory hold the fact that the Heat and Lakers Played in the final That didn't happen It did I was there That absolutely didn't happen Alright let's get to our interview with Dan Campbell Dan Campbell's brought to you by our friends at Coors Light.
Do you ever feel like you're always on? What do you do when you need a moment to chill? How do you like to hit the reset button to get ready for what's next? Well, how about the coldest beer out there? That's Coors Light. It's literally made to chill.
There's only one beer out there that's literally made to chill and that is Coors Light. The mountains on the bottles and cans even turn blue when your beer is cold.
That way you always know when it's time to chill. When you need to hit reset, just open a Coors Light.
It's mountain cold refreshment made to chill. Coors Light is cold lager, cold filtered and cold packaged.
It's literally made to chill. It's as crisp and refreshing refreshing as the Colorado Rockies.
Perfect for a moment to unwind. You know it's also refreshing, Coors Seltzer.
Tweet us your pictures of Coors Light or Coors Seltzer. Whenever those mountains are blue, we're retweeting them.
So if you ever feel like you're always on the go, like I said, you're juggling a million things all at once. You want to do is chill.
Coors Light is literally made for those moments because everyone likes variety.

Coors also has introduced refreshing Coors Seltzer with flavors like black cherry, mango, and lemon lime.

Get Coors Light and Coors Seltzer delivered straight to your door with Drizzly or Instacart.

Celebrate responsibly.

Coors Brewing Company, Golden, Colorado, and Fort Worth, Texas.

We love our Coors Light. Make sure you tweet us those blue mountains every weekend and we will retweet okay here he is Dan Campbell okay we now welcome on a very very very special guest it is coach Dan Campbell the dude excited to have you on are we going by coach or the dude like what as media members let's start there what is the proper term is it mr campbell is it the dude is it coach is it american badass what would you like us to call you no i look i'm pretty open you can you can kind of go as as you please you're not going to offend me one way or another i mean i think as long as you mention how attractive i am as a person, I've been told that.
Fact. I mean, you guys take what you want with that.
But no, look, call me whatever, man. You can call me Dan.
You can call me coach. You can call me whatever, man.
All good. I like that.
All right, the dude, although you are an attractive man, I think that you were more attractive when you had the long hair. Is there any plan.
Thank you, Eric. Is there any plan on bringing back the long hair? No.
You know, I – god dang, man. So, look, I grew up on a cattle ranch, man.
I'm out in the middle of nowhere in Texas. And my dad, he's a Marine.
And so, as you can imagine, long hair was not something that he was real fired up about. And so, you know, I never let it grow, but I always wanted to grow it, man.
I did. And so, finally, I get to the point where I'm, you know, I get in the league and I decide I'm going to grow it, man.
And I grew it and I just let it go for a while. I had it that way for over 10 years, finally, you know, and I remember the day I decided to cut it after I was done at New Orleans and it was hard, man.
It really was. And, uh, and I, but I always said, you know what, I'm going to do it once and then I I'm done with it.
And so I'm done now. Does that mean I don't have the urge to just let it go? Yeah, I do.
I do, but it's not going to look as good as yours, Eric. That's the problem.
And let me say, when I had my hair long, I didn't take care of it. I didn't wash it.
I didn't brush it. I mean, I just – it was what it was.
You know what I mean? Yeah. And actually, I've got a great story about my hair.
Let's go. This is when I'm in Dallas.
The floor is yours. All right.
This is when I'm in Dallas. I'm walking down.
I get on the plane. I go sit down.
We're getting ready to go play Washington. And Greg Ellis walks by me, defensive end, right? He kind of walks by.
And as he goes, you know, you just kind of get the breeze of someone walking by. And I was like, man, what is that smell? And I'm like, damn, Greg stinks.
And he kind of sits down beside me. I'm like what and I kind of turn and then I get another whiff of but yet Greg is kind of moved on by and then I kind of reach down and my hair flows in front of my face and I realize it was me it was my hair stunk because I hadn't washed it when it should have been washed so long story short you know, maybe look at yourself before you start looking at somebody else about what stinks.
I like that. That's classic.
I think you still give off long hair. You've got long hair energy, big hair energy is what the kids are calling.
So like, you don't necessarily have to have it in order for everybody else to know you're a long hair dude. Well, I appreciate, I do have long hair energy and there again I do miss it man I just don't I don't feel like I can rock it like I used to man that's the only problem yeah um all right so we're going to talk about this upcoming season uh but I want to talk real quick about your press conference and I know you're a results guy you don't win in a press conference you did win in that that one in terms of in our eyes.
When you come off the podium, though, on that press conference, were you like, that was awesome? I nailed that? Because that when you your energy is what what captured everyone. I know that the kneecaps was hilarious, but it was the energy.
And I love seeing that because every press conference feels the same, except that one was different. So did you know you were going to talk like that when you went up there? Or is that just Dan Campbell got let out?

No, yeah. Look, I would say this.
I've always been from the time that that literally I was in high school, you know, call it junior, senior. And then as I grew into, you know, whatever you want to call it in A&M, a leader at some point, and then into the league, I always, I just, I did what I did.
And, and then I would have these things that, you know, these times where the heat on the back of your neck, you know, starts to go off and you start to have this feeling of, man, you need to say something, you know. And when you start saying something, you just go and the rest will take care of itself.
And so I've always been that way. I'm not I'm not real good about, man, I need to write this down.
I need to write it down. Let me get my bullet points.
Let me let me read off this sheet. I don't do with that because I just, I'm big in speaking what's on your mind and what's from your heart.
And that's the way I've always been. So to your point, no, I just wanted to, I wanted to be me.
And that was what came to my mind and what I felt. And I had been thinking that the whole time as to what I wanted us to look like.
And so when I got up there, it, I just, it was just me, man. I love it.
And that's that authenticity. I think people will joke about it, but that has to translate to players because players want to play for a guy who's authentic.
They want to play for a person who's not going to bullshit them. So I, in a backwards way, I think that you got exactly what you wanted across probably to your team as well.
Well, that was kind of the point. And look, it was my first chance to talk to my team without them being there.
That would be the first opportunity. And not only that, but our fans.
And I wanted them to know who I was. And you're right.
You take the chance when you do that, that you put yourself out there. And yeah, you could go out there.
You could fail. You could be embarrassed.
But you know what, when you got something to say and you believe in what you're going to say, to hell with everybody else. It is what it is.
You know who you're directing it to and who you want to buy in. And that's just what I believe, man.
It's me. And to your point, I want people to understand that when I say something, it is because I believe it.
And I don't, not that it doesn doesn't happen but I don't want to read off of stuff I don't want to I've got to have this laid out and I'm a proper speaker and there's a time and place for it and it's good to have but it's just not me it's hard for me to do man so does that mean that you do want your players to actually literally bite kneecaps of their opponents well it depends I mean. I mean, it just, no.
I was like, okay, go on. Tell me the time.
Yeah. By the way, the, you know, Eric, you being the PFT commenter, you would know this well, but you'd be shocked how many things that I've sent from friends have sent me of comments that were made of like, that's a 15-yard penalty.
I mean, this is ridiculous. Everyone on his team, they're all going to get kicked out of the game.
I mean, this guy, and I'm like, please believe me. I know we can't bite kneecaps.
I swear to you. I understand that's not in the rule book.
I get it. So, you know, but if no one's looking, it's only penalty if you get caught.
Right. Well, and that's a good point, when you're on the bottom of the pile, nobody knows what's going on down there.
Yes, yes. So it's been fun to watch you kind of take over this franchise, and it's being kind of molded in the image of you as the head coach, as the full-time guy.
And you got your start coaching down in Miami on an interim level, and that's when I was first made aware of Dan Campbell and what you stood for and what you were all about because on your very first day there not only did you do the Oklahoma drill in practice but you had a practice squad player get sacrificed at midfield is that true? Sacrificed what is that? You tell me there was a mock sacrifice of a practice squad player. How did you decide who was going to get sacrificed and how did you sacrifice him? Yeah, I don't remember that.
However, I'll clarify two things. The first thing is we never did Oklahoma drill.
That's been widely reported. That did not happen.
What we did was one-on-ones with the whole team around watching and yelling. That's all we did.
I think that's more on the people who cover the NFL media because that mistake happens a lot. It's like everything that looks physical in practice, they just call it an Oklahoma drill, and that's not what the Oklahoma drill is.
So I feel like I've been misled by the fourth estate and our media on that one.

Thank you for clarifying.

Absolutely.

And to the other point, here's the only thing I think I know what you're talking about.

I don't know this for sure.

But what we did was one of the first things I did was I had all the rookie players.

This was probably day two of practice.

I just put them in the middle of the circle with all of the vets around them. And I told them practice starts when they fight their way out of the middle of the ring.
And when I say fight, I didn't want anybody getting hurt. I said, be as smart as possible.
But I said, I don't want one of these rookies to be able to get out of the middle of the circle easy and just be as smart as you can nobody get hurt but yet and all it did was man those guys were kind of scratching clawing to get out and it created a whole energy man throughout the whole team and as we rolled into practice once they got out the horn blew and we were rolling man and actually guys had a blast with it they were laughing they were you know now some of the rookies were pretty dog tired I'll with you. I mean, you have to get out in the middle of the circle with all the bets, but it was just something different.
It's not something I would probably do here, but it was just, it was an idea I had. I think that's what you're talking about.
It also, the black shirts and blasting Metallica, the power stance. I actually found my old tweets.
I said that was the easiest bet of my life was Dan Campbell, first game, Dolphins, Texans, you blew them out. That was the type of energy you brought.
I would imagine, though, you also learned some things. Like you just said, you wouldn't probably do a...
Rookies have to fight their way out of a ring. What was the biggest thing, though, you learned from your time in Miami for maybe the haters who think that you're not ready for this job in Detroit? Yeah, I mean, look, there's a couple of things.
I think number one is, and it helps that I'm going through it this time around to where I can hire everybody that I felt like I needed to hire and wanted to hire and could, could compliment me.

But it's, man,

there was things that I felt like I tried to do on my own.

Like I tried to do everything.

That was a major lesson learned. You can't do everything.
And at some point, you know,

you have to be able to trust those guys around you.

You have to be able to trust your staff and those people you work with.

And, and I thought, man, towards the end, I remember at one point thinking at one point thinking you know what I I um like I I can't do this on my own and and you know and I I wish that I would have delegated more than I did I think I tried to take on too much and I wasn't ready for it you know that's something you learn I think that um you know, I kind of brought this up. The other thing, just as it pertains to end game situations, I've brought up, we went down to Buffalo and this is probably, I don't know, it was our, I guess, fourth game after I'd taken over and we go down there and they're beating us pretty good.
And then it's right before halftime. And essentially I got two timeouts in my pocket and I just blow the whole fucking thing.
And we get down there, and, you know, I should have used the timeout. I decide we go hurry up.
When I haven't talked to anybody about going hurry up, we haven't practiced it. I didn't want Rex Ryan to get into cover zero and, you know, all-out blitz, and it was freaking stupid.
So by the time we get the team lined up and we're trying to get signaled out what we want to do, we throw it. It's incomplete.
Now we're sitting there with like three seconds left on the clock and one timeout in our pocket, which does us zero good. And, you know, and look, we go in with no points.
We go forward on fourth down. We get stuck.
You know, we don't, you know, we come away with no points. And basically we got our, you know, we got our face kicked in the second half and that's on me, man.
That's my fault. And you learn, I mean, you live and you learn.
It was just, you know, communication, man. You're doing something we never talked about, you know, game situation.
You got two timeouts with the crap you're doing. But there's just, look, there's a number of things.
And I think the other thing is just being on the same page and and what I mean by this being on the same page with personnel the personnel department your GM and that's where Brad and I I think man we both came in with a clean slate and thought of how do we want this to look knowing that man we need to be working together and we we want this perception that it is reality of, man, whoever's in this building is our guy. It's not the GM's guy.
It's not the head coach's guy. It's not the personnel's guy.
It's not the coach's guy. This is our guy.
And when we make a move one way or another, it's because we, the Detroit Lions, made a move that way. I like that.
Because that's the first way to lose is splitting the building. Yeah.
Yeah. There was a quote that came out a couple weeks ago.
I think it was before the draft about your general manager that you said, here's what I would say about being a true alpha. A true alpha knows when it's time to concede for the betterment of the team.
And so I would tell you one way or another, there's already been a couple things where it's like, ah, maybe you see it a little bit more this way. I see it that way.
We haven't had a problem. We're not going to have a problem.
So therefore you are the true alpha because you are willing to concede and make somebody else believe that they are the true alpha in their department of expertise. Would you say to, what would you say to the people that would say, Hey, a true alpha would never concede true alphas always stand up.
Likeake is our alpha on this podcast and he would never

concede anything to hank i hear you man and uh yeah look i i think that it's just to me when when you really are that way and you're somebody that's very secure in who you are very confident and you know the way that you think things should go to succeed,

then I think you're willing to listen, man. I think alpha comes with having security, man.
I do. I think you've got to be very secure in yourself and not have, like, look, just take, for example, the staff that I hired, there's a lot of people that might not have done that.
I mean, look, I got Anthony Lynn. I got Deuce Staley as my assistant head coach.
I got Aaron Glenn as my defensive coordinator. You got Dom Caper, special assistant.
You got – man, I can go down the list, and it's like Mark Brunel is my quarterback coach. That can be a little intimidating for some people.
I mean, these are some – not only were some of these guys great players, but they're damn good coaches, man. And, you know, as a head coach, that could be a little bit like, oh, crap, man.
Am I hiring my replacement? Am I hiring somebody that knows more than I do about this position? You know, am I – and I don't look at it that way at all. I look at it as like, man, these guys got experience.
Anthony Lynn's done this. He's been in that seat.
And I'm like, man, give me what you have. Like, tell me what I need to know know and um I've kind of we've done that with everybody that's here but but I think that's the best way to look at it so when I say that look I'm very I know what I want and I know what it takes to win and and it all started with what Sheila wanted us to do and between Brad and I knowing what we want and then hiring the staff and so all I'm saying is look I I know where go.
But yet, man, there's a time where you really think we need to do this, do this, do this, do this. And everybody on your staff that you truly trust, that's why you hired them, is telling you don't do it.
You probably ought to listen. And guess what? Sometimes you've got to concede for the betterment of the group and for the betterment of the team.
And that's what I meant by it. Yeah, I think it's smart.
It should be looked at as a benefit that you have somebody that's done this before or in the instance of a lot of those guys that you mentioned. I'm sure Mark Brunel has forgotten more about playing quarterback than you'll ever be able to learn.
You know, like you've got you've got guys that have been there and done that and in some circumstances played it. You shouldn't think of that as a threat.
That's actually what you would want on your team if you were actually secure about now that being said when it comes to your relationship with general manager when it came down to make your first overall draft pick and you decided to take Sewell how much of that was just you being like I want a guy that I want a wrestling buddy I want a guy that I can like beat up and he's the toughest guy out there well look I will, I will say this. It's pretty enticing, Eric.
I'm not going to lie to you. It really is.
And my heart does lean towards big guys. Believe me, man, the guys in the trenches, because I still believe you win and lose there.
I just do deep in my soul. However, leading up into this, we did know that Sewell was one of, if not the best prospect in this draft.
That's what we really believed.

And so just for the player that he was, it was hard to ignore that.

However, we were not shut off to – we were going to take the best player

available on the board.

And Brad and I both said going into this, you know,

we made a couple of moves this offseason as it pertained to free agency.

And it's like, look, man, let's add some guys for competition here in spots. But let's not feel like we get tied to need.
Because I do think you get in trouble a little bit. Now, if you told me that we have two equal players sitting there and we have a need at – call it linebacker, we'll probably take the linebacker over, you whatever the offensive lineman or the you know or the corner or the it but we but that was important to us so look it fell that way it really did and he felt we didn't we did not think he would fall to us like that we were hopeful but we didn't think he would um but we man we want to take the best player in that position is what we wanted to do.

So we,

listen,

we were,

we were prepared now to take a receiver.

I mean,

that's,

we had no problem with that.

And if he was the best one on the board, because Sewell was gone,

we would have taken him.

No problem.

Yeah.

We're going to get back to Dan Campbell in a second,

but before we do,

I want to talk to you guys about shady rays.

I'm rocking my shady rays right now.

It's sunglass season.

Sunglasses are one of the many things being back.

In addition to every other thing that's back right now, You've got spring weather. You've got longer days.
So you need the official shades a part of my take. Those are Shady Rays.
That's what I'm wearing right now. It's what I'm wearing all summer.
And if you lose or break your Shady Rays, they send you a free pair. It's the best year-round warranty in the business.
Plus, you can get 35% off your entire order when you go to ShadyRays.com. Use promo code PMT35.
You can stock up on high-quality polarized sunglasses for the trips to the lake for a much-needed extended vacation. You can also try their blue light glasses.
It's their hottest collection. You can get the PMT fan-favorite style, the classic timber, but you can substitute the blue light blocking lenses for the indoors and the outdoors.

We love Shady Rays.

We're wearing them all year round, but especially in the summertime.

And again, they have that best warranty. If you lose or you break your shades for any reason,

they will replace them with a brand new pair.

It's almost like they never left your face.

If you want to stock up on Shady Rays for the warm weather,

now is the best time to do it. Best deal of the season.
Go to ShadyRays.com. Use promo code PMT35.
Get 35% off your entire order. When you shop with promo code PMT35, you can get a pair of polarized shades for as low as $31.
Redeemable only at ShadyRays.com. Promo code PMT 35 and now more Dan Campbell is it true that you had your appendix uh burst on a flight and you just like kind of ate that pain didn't say a word and then casually went to the hospital once you landed well yeah but I mean it's not yeah yeah it's not like my gut it's not like my guts blew open or something and it's like you know no i look i had i had the anybody's had an appendix understands it's weird man it's it's an awkward feeling you feel like you got a little stomach ache it starts that way and then you're like man i got diarrhea and then it's like no i'm you know i just i've just got a bad stomach cramp and it's all this stuff.
And, uh, it got worse and it got worse. I'm on the plane and I'm sweating and, you know, I go and I forced myself to throw up.
And so you're just trying to fight it a little bit. And you tried to puke your appendix out.
I'm like, man, this thing's got to come out one way or another. Right.
Yeah. I'm coming out the back end.
It's going to come up my throat. But, uh, so you go through the whole thing and then and it just got worse and we landed and so I went by the trainers and I just told them I said hey give me something to knock me out so I can wake up in the morning be ready to roll for the conditioning test and uh so they gave me something and uh took it and I was out for about two hours and I woke up and it was you know it was worse and so they got me to hospital and ended up you know it whatever I mean ruptured is a very strong word um but it I guess that's what they call it but it good it got caught early it's no big deal everybody dude plenty of people have had an appendix that's not it's not like I got shot or something lost my leg so yeah but you you tried to puke it out.
You tried to sleep it off.

That's a football guy. That's a football guy move.

I don't know

about that, dude. Yeah, try to walk it off.

Sometimes you can try to sweat it out,

too. Yeah, you go to a sauna or something.

Yeah, you just sit and you get uncomfortable for a while.

I like it.

When you grew up

like I did,

really, and when we did, everything was about putting dirt on it or toughen up, throw some dirt on it or go wash it off or whatever. That's just kind of what it is, but it was fine.
It's no big deal. You should actually have a jar of dirt in the training facility there.
On their way out, they rub some dirt on it. Or if they got a bad scratch, just have somebody to put some dirt on, see if it makes them feel better.
I feel like that you got to zig while everybody else zags a little bit. And last time we're up in Detroit, we sat with your predecessor, Matt Patrician.
We gave him some ideas about just some small motivational tactics that you can use around the facility. I don't think he implemented any of them, unfortunately for him, But I feel like you might be into some of those.
And my favorite one that we had was you have a taxidermied sheep that just sits in the entrance to the Lions facility, and players aren't allowed to look at it because Lions, they don't concern themselves with the opinions of sheep. So when they just walk past it, away from it and it teaches you like be a lion i feel like that's something that you might enjoy also we said heavier weights in the locker room i actually like that that's actually pretty good man i'm not lying to you that's pretty good between that and rubbing dirt on your on your wounds in the training room i feel like we're we're cooking with gas here a little bit i think it was also as simple as, I think when you walk in the facility there's just a big picture of a kicker.
Is that right? Remember? Yeah. There was.
Yeah. So let's just fix that.
You know, it should just be a linebacker. Yeah.
We can do that. That's actually not a bad idea.
I'll tell you what I would really love to do, just in general, and I've talked to Sheila about this. I don't think we're going to be able to do it but i would love to literally just have a pet line yes just a legit pet line on a chain a big ass chain and he just he really is my pet we just walk around the building we go out to practice we're at seven on seven we're behind the kicker when he's kicking we're just there we are on the sidelines yeah yeah you should you know what you should do is you should get you should get two of them and put them on each sideline just teach the guys not to go out of bounds don't try to be don't don't avoid contact and i on command you could train him like if one of your groups isn't doing well you could just take him over to their section and just have him take a dump right there in the middle of where their section is at and then bring him on back i mean think about think about it.
It would be outstanding. Before the game, you could walk the Lions up and down the opponent's sideline and have them pee and poop all over the sideline, and then they have to deal with that all game.
Yeah. That would be outstanding.
We're going somewhere with a problem. I don't know if Fiji's going to allow that.
Yeah, I don't think so. I think we would take great care of it.
It would be fed well. It would be petted.
It would be manicured.

I might end up losing an arm because of it, but that would be even better, you know,

because it would validate what this is a freaking – this is a creature now.

This is an animal.

This thing is – this is from the wild.

Yes.

Would you give up an arm just to motivate your team?

Ooh.

Possibly.

For a Super Bowl.

If I said, Dan Campbell, you are going to win a Super Bowl in Detroit. There it is.
One arm. Your move, Mike Vrabel.
Yeah, okay, alright. So arm to a lion for Super Bowl.
I like this. I have an analytics question for you.
We just had head coach Brandon Staley on from the Chargers. He passed.
Let's see how you do. You're down 14.
There's four minutes left in the game. You go in to score.
Are you going for one or two? Am I going for one or two? All right. This is just purely analytics.
It has nothing to do with the way the game's going. Nothing like that.

Just numbers.

Just numbers.

Analytics would tell you to go for two.

Yep.

And you would say go for two?

No, I would say go for one.

What?

Danalytics.

Oh, man.

I will absolutely blast you for that.

Let him explain.

What's your reason?

Well, without knowing exactly what's going on, if you're just telling me I'm behind 14, I mean, I just – I get the fact that, look, if you go for two, you get it. Well, look, you're sitting real good now.
All right? There's no problem. But if you don't get it, all right, if you don't get it, now you've got to go for two just to get a tie back.
Correct. Right.
You know what I mean? But yet, if you know at a minimum you're going to kick an extra point and you're going to be sitting there and you're going to have at a minimum a tie game, it just, for me, I'm good with it. If you're over 50% going for two and you get it the first time, you win the game with an extra point.
And if you don't get it the first time, the analytics will say you'll get it the second time. Listen, I will criticize you if you do this.
Here's what I would say. I got no problem with that, and I get that you get two shots at it if you're down by 14, and here we go, man.
So now you get two cracks at it if you go for two. I would rather kick the extra point, and now I'm at the end of the game, and where are we at? Are we worn out? Are we tired? Let's go for two then.
I like that. I get the whole point of it.
You only got one crack at it now. You don't get it.
You lose. But yet, you know, I just – I get it, and I know the numbers, man.
I understand all that, and I'm not telling you that I'm off of that and that now I don't listen to any of that crap because I have. My eyes have been open to some of this analytics, but, and I'm not opposed to any of that.
It doesn't mean we won't use it, but my God, tell me where we're at in the game. Tell me, you know, how's our defense playing? How's our offense? I know we're down 14, but is that 14 nothing? I mean, you know, is that, you know, is that Aaron Donald over there? Is that, I just think that sometimes that plays into it.
That's all. I get it.
I actually – okay, I disagree with it, but I respect the fact that you're like, I would rather go for two when it means more and you have a chance to either win or lose the game at the very end. I kind of like that.
That's manalytics. Makes no sense.
Look, I'm missing the numbers. If you're doing the numbers, well, that's idiotic because if you were going to do that why not go for it twice because you get two opportunities and you're right the odds would say that if you don't get it time you'll get it the next time and now guess what you still got a tie yeah you know i get it i just you know there again here's here's look let me say this yeah i'm sorry to interrupt let me say this dan is i've come miles miles miles away or miles forward from where i used to think about this stuff i did you know i that was very turned off on some of this stuff about five years ago no way and we yeah i know it's shocking believe me uh but man we, you know, we began to like trend into this, some of this stuff was shot on and at new Orleans.
And I get it, man, I get all that. And I know there's a place for it.
I just, I think you gotta be careful, man. There's still a human element to it.
There's still a tough element to it. There's still tell me what, what the game is like, what's going on, who you playing playing against who's the quarterback um just that's all i i totally agree with you there i do think that there's uh sometimes it becomes like playing a game on a spreadsheet and we know that's not how football is played and i actually agree like there's a as long as you're not closed-minded which you're not i think there's a perfect blend there somewhere where you use the analytics but you also say hey football sometimes just lining up and beating the guy in front of you uh do you have a timeout guy do I have a timeout guy actually it's funny because I'm there's a couple of guys that are here on staff that we've been going through this stuff right now we had actually had one here that just left to go to New England who was pretty dang good okay Okay, because I'm just going to tell you, as you obviously were coaching as an interim in Miami, but the easiest way to criticize a coach is for them to screw up their timeouts.
That's because we're dumb, and when we see someone screw up their timeouts, we're like, oh, we could do that, even though we can't. So I'm just telling you, maybe get a timeout guy.
No, I will. And I'll tell you that when we're getting ready to play the Bears, you're going to be working for me.
No, no, no. I know.
Listen, I know you're going to be rooting for us. No, I am.
Jared Goff is a very good friend. I want Jared to do well.
But no, I think there's Thanksgiving. I think Thanksgiving we're going to have a game.
We are. I might have to go check out my friends, Superfan and Detroit Don in the end zone, who are legendary.
You've got to meet them. You've got to do a little fan outreach with Detroit Don and Superfan.
Yeah, absolutely, man. Look, I'm going to do everything I can to get out, get in the open, communicate, because I do, man.
I want them to have some pride back in this community and this city and see if we can we build a winner man you know it's been too long yeah way too long have you thought about what your thanksgiving day is going to look like because that's that's got to be different from every year in the past like every thanksgiving hopefully for a long time you're going to be working so have you planned out like have you thought i'm going to have my meal on wednesday night or i'm to have a snack on Thursday morning? Eric, I'm way ahead of you. Here's the beauty, man.
I played three years at Dallas and I played three years in Detroit, you know, here or was part of that. And so I get the whole Thanksgiving deal.
And actually, I love it, man. There is nothing better than a Thursday game, okay, the early game on Thanksgiving particular, man.
And so it's beautiful. We always do Friday, man.
Friday is when you do the Thanksgiving dinner, and you kind of got the weekend to, like, recover, recoup, and that's easy, man, no-brainer there. I like that.
Going from analytics to more of the traditional Dan Campbell approach to physical football, because at the end of the day, football is a physical sport. If you're stronger than the other guy, you have a better chance of winning.
Should the need arise, do you think that you are ready to physically engage any other head coach in the NFL? No, I mean, that's not even, even you know I don't even think about that so uh no now I mean let's just say something crazy happens and somebody wants to come up and punch me in the face yeah I'll be prepared but I don't intend on taking anybody on no that's not that's not my intention so let's just say there's a burning building and uh your team's inside, and Mike Vrabel's standing at the doorway trying to block you from going in and saving him. I've known Vrabel for years, dude.
Vrabel and I played against each other. I've known him for years.
It's funny because this has come up a couple of times, and so I'm not even getting into that. He's the best.
I'm not even going to entertain that thought. Okay, fair.
He's the best. We're big fans of him.
All right, my last question, because I know you have to go, and we appreciate your time. It's been awesome.
I saw a quote, you're going to flush the turds out of the Lions roster. Now, I'm not asking to name names.
I said flush the turds. I don't know if I remember that.
Maybe not. You have no room for turds.
So don't name names because obviously that time will come when you have to make cuts. But what exactly qualifies a turd on a roster? Yeah, I think those are the – here's the beauty.
When I made that – and I think what I said was that we don't want any turds here. That's what I was saying.
So that was not alluding to, well, you know what? We've got turds on this roster from previous. We don't.
I'm going to be honest with you. Here's what a turd is.
A turd is somebody that's constantly getting in trouble off the field. He does not love football.
He's not very smart, doesn't care about studying. He's not a team guy.
All right. He's got major ego problems.
That's a turd. That's a football turd, man.
I love it. We don't want to deal with it.
It's not a team guy all right he's got major ego problems that's a football turd man i love it deal with it it's not worth it and so um that's what i meant and i'm telling you the roster when we walked in you know i will say bob quinn and patricia did a damn good job with who they brought in because really there are good guys here uh we don't have any of those guys i mean there's not somebody a lot of times when these happen and man a team hasn't had success you walk in you're like oh man this guy's a problem this guy's a problem now is there is there things just like any other team man you just you start from the beginning and you see what you have here and what you can lean on and yes but those guys are uh we don't have man. We don't.
They did a good job with that. Okay, good answer.
I just have one last thing. It's a three-word answer on your part.
If you could just list your three favorite rock bands of all time. We call you Danterra, but I don't know if they crack into your top five or not.
But I was curious who your three goats are. Okay.
Yeah, that's okay. And certainly we're, we're, we're saying Metallica's rock, right? Yeah.
Yeah. Metal, metal and rock both included in this.
Okay, cool. All right.
So I would say, I would say Metallica would probably be number one for me. I would say, um, I would probably say Leonard Skinner would be two be two all right and i would say three man golly i i teeter between it's probably gonna have to be acdc if i'm just being honest with you what was the teeter between uh there's about three of them go list them i want to know I mean, all these bands all right look led zeppelin would be one yep okay that's another one that's a hard one between led zeppelin and acdc look pantera would be up there all right um but totally different um are you queens of stone age guy at all i'm not saying i'm not a fan okay but you know they're they're not in the top of my list got it got it i just figured you know that's a band like if you put that on in the gym everyone's lifting a lot more weight you know that that happens iron maiden yeah look i like iron maiden look i even like mega death if i'm being honest he's spliced.
Yeah. All right? I do, man.
I thought Dave Mustaine did some good stuff, man. It was a tough role.
But I thought, man, he's got some good stuff. But it's all good, man.
I've actually broke my finger trying to learn the solo to Freebird. I've been practicing it for the last, like, four months.
I think my body finally gave out on me. So I don't know how I'm going to be able to do it but i think that that's i thought that might be something that you'd appreciate somebody that that uh just straight up smashed their finger on their guitar just like snapped last night i i do appreciate that man because i i know i i do come from a musical family although it's somehow it skipped me but i do love listening to music but um so i appreciate the grind of trying to get a song man and trying to hit a solo and especially that one is pretty good man it'll get there yeah um all right coach this has been awesome we appreciate it uh best of luck except for when you play the bears also please take care of our best friend jared goff we do love him dearly so uh thank you though and hopefully we'll talk some other time sounds good dan eric man you guys have a good one i appreciate it all right great so much all right have a good thanks man dan campbell is brought to you by our great friends over at norton 360 with lifelock it seems like every day practically everyone is connected on their devices.
In fact, the average person was connected almost seven hours per day last year, and 64% of adults admit to taking online risks for convenience. Maybe somebody sent you an email that's advertising to see pictures of a Kansas City Chiefs bartender.
You smash that link. Next thing you know, you can't buy gas in Seattle.
Well, there's a lot to the digital life that can put you at risk. That's why Norton 360 with LifeLock makes it easy to help keep it safe with device security to help block hackers from devices.
You get a VPN for online privacy and LifeLock identity theft protection to help you keep what's yours, yours. No one can prevent all cyber crime.

No one can stop all identity theft or monitor all transactions at all businesses. But with the all-in-one protection of Norton 360 with LifeLock, you can be less worried about becoming another stat.
Save 25% or more off your first year when you go to norton.com slash PMT. That's norton.com slash PMT.

Save 25%.

Okay.

We're going to wrap up with a quick Monday reading.

Two things real quick.

Yes.

One,

you might have noticed in the interview that Dan Campbell referred to me

multiple times as my dead brother's name.

Yeah.

I just want to say he is,

he's the only person that's allowed to do that.

It's so alpha.

Real alphas know when to concede. Yeah.
And I have conceded may call me that name but nobody else can yes it's just for him and it was shocking right off the bat came in hot the most alpha thing i've ever witnessed in all the interviews we've ever done yeah i don't i don't know a moment where someone has just like dropped their dropped their nuts on the table harder than that ever ever uh the second thing is we have now up in the Barstool Sports Store, I think one of our favorite T-shirts that we've ever come up with, it's Iron Maidan T-shirts, and they're fucking sick. I can't personally endorse, but you should buy them if you're a Lions fan.
Yeah, and they also... I mean, it has a dead bear on it.
They like the design so much. So I don't like it.
I think We'll have to send a bunch up to Detroit. Also, another programming note, Chaps will be on our show on Wednesday for Rose.
He's back in the office. We haven't seen him in a year plus.
It's going to be great to see him. His eye is fixed.
We don't know that. We, no, because there's a little misconception going around.
Chaps, people thought Chaps didn't come to the office for a year and a half because of coronavirus. He actually didn't even know coronavirus was happening.
He just didn't come to the office because his eye looks so shitty. So he finally got it cleared up, and it did coincide with the vaccines rolling out.
So you might, you know, it could be confusing, but it's really just his eye. So that was the real medical emergency this last year and a half.
Chaps, I. But he's back.
Roast. If you want to leave a roast, you have to leave a five-star review.
And then in the comments, you roast us and we will pick out the best ones and Chaps will read them to us. Yes? Yes.
Alright. Little Monday reading.
This is not as much of a reading as it is a discussion so this is uh a poll that was done where was this done so it was on you gov yeah that sounds official they asked sure they asked a bunch of people questions it's 34 different animals including humans and you pit them against each other to see which americans think is the mightiest well okay so that was that was one of one part of it but i thought the most interesting part was it was man versus beast yeah so if you keep scrolling down there's a second part of the survey yeah what i mean animals fighting each other i think has been done i guess all this has been done but it's fun to see the actual statistics so you're right let's go through the through the, quickly, the animals versus the animals. They basically came out that the elephant and the rhinoceros were the top dogs.
What I don't understand about this, so what was the exact science behind it? Is a single hornet on there? No, but they didn't take into account that animals could be allergic to bees, and so a sting from a mighty hornet would fell even the largest bull elephant. I like this line from them.
Of course, geography and morality get in the way of ever knowing for sure. Thanks.
That must have been the Michael Vick clause there. Okay.
Well, morality is subjective, okay? So what you might think is brutal, I might think is fucking sweet. But a new YouGov study provides the next best thing, the views of the U.S.
public. Our survey puts 34 different animals, including humans, against one another to see which Americans think is the mightiest.
We showed people seven random pairings of animals from the list and asked them which of the two they thought would win in a fight. Animals are ranked by their win percentage.
That is how often Americans thought that animal would win in a head-to-head matchup when it was one of the two animals shown. The results showed that the elephant wears the crown in the animal kingdom, but only slightly.
Elephants had a win rate of 74%, just fractions of a percent ahead of their single-horned cousins, the rhinoceros. I don't like how they did this, though.
Rhinoceri. Because it has, like, the goose is 14%, but that means, like, the goose going up against.
I want to know how many people thought a goose could beat an elephant. Is there one? No, but there are probably some that thought that the goose could beat, like, a walrus.
An ostrich, a chimpanzee. If it was on land, maybe I would give, or in the air.
If it was in midair, like, falling out, if you threw a walrus out of an airplane and then threw a goose out of an airplane, I think the goose would just survive by not hitting the ground. Yeah.
Actually, the goose should be number one. I fucking hate goose.
I actually, I saw Operation Dumbo drop. An elephant can't survive that too.
Goose. Gooses.
Goosies. Geese.
Goosers. Geeses.
There's a new fucking family of goose my house, and I want to punt them. Family of guy.
Is that bad to say? Can you say that? No, because geese are, I think, universally hated. Yeah, okay.
I would like to kick them in the head. Yeah.
Right now is the season. Yeah.
I want to kick them all in the head. Once people get out on the golf course and start having to interact with geese on a regular basis, then the sentiment of humans against geese turns swiftly towards kill them all.
You missed the window. October 1st through April 15th.
There was a goose. What does that mean? That's goose hunting season.
That's goose hunting season? That did the hiss towards Stella one time, and I almost went full punt. I would do that.

Yeah.

If a goose went after my dog, I'd punt the goose.

Geese are underrated dicks.

They're the biggest assholes of the animal kingdom.

And squash his neck.

All right, so that's the poll.

This is the more interesting poll, the man versus beast.

And this is where the discussion will start.

What if an unarmed human was one of our respondents themselves?

Does that mean, like, not with a weapon or no arms? That makes a difference to me. I'm going to go no weapons.
Has the arms. We took a further selection of animals and asked Americans if they thought they could triumph in a battle against them without weaponry.
There it is. The results show that Americans aren't confident in their abilities.
Most Americans are convinced they could beat a rat, a house cat. 69% only think they could beat a house cat? Yeah.
You know what? That's a problem with American pride. We need some fucking propaganda machine being like, hey, you see that cat in the bodega? You could beat it up.
You are strong enough, bro. Well, I also think that some people probably think allergies.
Some people get in a room with a cat that can't breathe. That's true.
A baby, for example. Don't let your baby in the same room as a cat.
Steal its breath. Yeah, but it also breaks it down by gender.
Yeah, so here's where we're going to go. Only 64% of women think that they could beat up a house cat.
Yeah. 74% of dudes think that they can pull up.
So let's go from the bottom up and we'll discuss it and anyone object, please say it out loud. All right.
So rat is the bottom. 68% of women think they can beat a rat.
76% of men. That's crazy.
That should be 100-100 can beat a you can fucking kill a rat i've i've tried to kill a rat before and failed no but if the rat was coming at you and they were fighting on yeah the only would kill the rat the only way that a rat could kill me is if it was like in that movie where they put it underneath a pot and then put a flamethrower on the pot and the rat burrowed into me yeah that's such yeah but i i think yeah like one-on-one in an octagon i would defeat a rat easily yes house cat kill it yeah i might just do that for fun that's not even by the way that's not like tony sheffler's cat that's not scout scout's not a house cat it's a barn cat that's a barn cat yeah this is a house barn cat's a different animal a A house cat means that that cat's drinking milk. That cat's sleeping in beds.
That cat's sleeping in the windowsill. That cat is fucking scratching on the sofa.
Like, that cat is a fucking total prima donna. So I don't like house cats.
I don't know. Some house cats are demons.
I don't like house cats, though, because they act like they're the shit. They act like they're super tough and that they can, like, they're the divas of the house.
They think that they control everything. But the bottom line is they rely on humans for everything.
Correct. I am the alpha around a cat.
If I want to kill the cat, I just put the tuna fish away. Yeah.
And then guess what? You're going to die eventually. No, but they would live for a while.
But yes. Cats can go forever.
They can. They never die.
Do you see that video? There was like a fire in Chicago and the cat jumped out of like, it was probably like 12 stories and just bounced and kept on running. Yeah.
It was crazy. Listen, don't get me wrong.
I like a select amount of cats, but it's preposterous to think that you couldn't defeat one, even though I did see there was a video today of a cat that chased off a coyote. Yeah.
And that's another case of a cat not knowing the limitations.

That's just a,

yeah,

that's boldness.

Um,

all right.

RIP Bernie goose,

51% women,

71% men think they could beat up a goose.

I don't,

is there something I'm missing with,

with goose geese?

Uh,

they're just aggressive.

They're just dicks.

Yeah.

But if I choose to be just as aggressive,

I think I would beat

it every time. Yeah, all you have to do, you just

make yourself look big.

And geese are dumb as shit. They'll be like, oh my,

that's a really big bird that's walking towards me. I better

submit to it. And then you just kill it.

You know what I would do? I'd grab the goose

by the fucking head, and I'd Bo Jackson

bat over my knee.

Right on its neck. Just snap its neck.
Snap its neck.

I like that. And spit on it.
I actually think it would satisfying to like to just punch a goose in the throat yes absolutely and they have teeth too so if you punch it on their tongue yeah if you punched it imagine punching a goose right in its mouth and its teeth fly out it's like beak stays there yeah like knock its mouth that would be sick i'd love to kill a goose love love uh we're gonna skip dog yep all right uh both medium and large size uh that's just a fucked up question don't ask don't even why would you ask that that's so fucked up give me a house cat i'll fucking strangle a house why would i ever want to do anything to a dog besides pet it boop it yeah oh maybe boop it to death yeah yeah uh smother to death with kisses boop. Boop it to death over 16 years of love.
I'm going to love you to death. Yeah.
All right, eagle. This is where it gets tricky.
38% men, 23% women. I think I could take an eagle.
I'd give an eagle a fair shot because, by the way, 38% is, that's too low. More people should think that they could beat an eagle.
The only way that an eagle is able to beat you is if it comes down and gets a good shot on your eyes right away. What if it just blinds you? It does have, like, sick-ass talons, so I guess it could just decapitate you.
It's got a sharp beak? No, an eagle can't decapitate you. Now, the unarmed part makes it makes it tough like can i take off my shoe and throw it at the eagle if you get the eagle to the ground you win yeah because now it's playing on your level right and it's it's your own environment i think that you can't throw a shoe you just basically have to try to grab it before it grabs you so the move would be to jump up in the air and to grab it like you're mossing nature and you just grab it and then you slam it on the ground and then all of a sudden it's like i'm gonna have to exert all my energy trying to take off now while it's trying to do that just boom snap stamp him on his head if i sat on an eagle would i kill it yeah okay so then i think i'd be yeah so yeah i just got to get to the ground then i just fucking gotta get the upper okay uh king cobra 23 men 8 women i think i could beat a king cobra absolutely dude it's on the ground it's like stomp it yeah what the grip strength once it gets you circled up no no you're thinking of a connoisseur-Lo's butt, bonk.
No, all snakes. Not all snakes.
I could be the king cobra. I think I could, too.
What if it went around your neck? It doesn't wrap you up. No, it bites you, dude.
It bites you, and then the venom gets you. But here's what I would do.
I would simply let it bite me, and then after it was latched on, then you just strangle it. Right, and hope it doesn't kill you.
It's got the world's largest neck then after it's dead then i go to the hospital i'm like hey cobra fight well and also this is technically like if you if you beat if you kill the cobra first but you die after yeah you win that's what i'm saying right so yeah that should be 100 it's 100 win 100 win rate it's not 100 survive but it's 100 win but if you don't die first, then you're good. Then you're the guy that killed the King Cobra.
Yes. Chimpanzee.
Zero. 0%.
You remember that chimp that ripped off the hands and the face? Yeah, yeah. I was going to say, but that's different, though.
A chimpanzee in the wild versus a chimpanzee that a crazy suburban person puts into clothes and diapers and stuff, that chimpanzee has just been emasculated and wants to rip everyone's face off. A wild chimpanzee, I think I could take it.
You think a wild chimpanzee would actually be more friendly? I'd be like, hey, come talk to me. They'd swing over to you and give you a banana? Yeah, and then I'd just be like, oh, bash.
Bash your skull. I think there's 0% chance I could beat a chimpanzee.
I'd say chimpanzee is where I'm starting to get 50-50. Because they're...
How big is a chimp? Give us a chimp. I wish we had an expert or something.
If I'm twice the size of a chimpanzee, I think I can take it. But I think the smartest chimpanzee in the world...
The length is 2.3 to 2.7 feet the mass is 75 to 130 pounds okay so I outweigh by a significant amount wait how far? 2.3 to 2.7 feet no I would kill this thing I also think that you could trick a chimpanzee they're smart enough to be able to be tricked give it all the cigarettes it wants until five and a half. 20 years later, it gets lung cancer.
Right. There's a bunch of around this.
Yeah. No one taller than like five or six feet.
Hank, you got any thoughts on chimps? I'll take one down. So wait, you would get...
I hate snakes. I've always hated snakes.
Okay, you're like Indiana Jones? Mm-hmm. Yeah, I've just been terrified of snakes ever since Harry Potter 2.
Yeah, Neville Longbottom with the sword. Do you too, Jake? No, I was talking about the scene.
Are you afraid of snakes? No, I read the books, Jake. Jake, are you terrified? I've never thought.
Kind of crazy, yeah. They don't even concern you though, but Hank is deathly afraid of them.
Interesting. No, I never said that.
This is our way, PFT and I, our way of reestab alphas of this podcast as we should be because you guys would not be able to take any of these animals where we can confidently PFT's smash an eagle technique is foolproof Jake you do not get to do that you do not get to tell me who is the alpha on this bike I know what you're doing right now Jake I will not accept your concession. 17% of men said they could beat a kangaroo, and 11% said, or women said they could beat a kangaroo.
I think I could take a kangaroo. I've seen that video where Dele steps up because his dog is being attacked.
The kangaroo was trying to defeat the dog, and the guy goes, he squares up, punches him in the jaw. Yeah.
Yeah, easy. A kangaroo isaroo is like also it's like an old-timey fighter like i could beat up a boxer from like 1850 right kangaroos they don't know just move later they don't know how to compete against us modern fighters with their new techniques and mixed martial arts yeah they could beat up like the old like the uh the logo for the notre dame fighting irish yes a kangaroo could beat that guy up because that's what it's trained for.
What was the old game? The fucking... Punch out? Yeah.
No, the two things in the middle. Rock and stop.
Rock and stop. Robots.
Yes, yes. That's exactly what a kangaroo does.
We have a life-size version of Damon Busters. Whoa.
Oh, my God. We got to go...
Holy shit. I would simply jujitsu the kangaroo.
Yeah. I would leg sweep sweep it Then I would Use a little Steven Seagal karate And I would Put it to sleep And then I'd kill it Actually you know what I would do That looks awesome by the way Kangaroos are so big Yeah but Give me a size check Not all of them Size check it You're thinking of that Swole kangaroo That's very clear Bob Baffert's kangaroo That's jacked up You're thinking about the movie Of What is it called i went to a jack when i was like 15 yeah great film when i was 15 i went to visit my brother in australia who's studying abroad and i was like oh i'm gonna pet a kangaroo they're everywhere we saw them we're in the hotel they're literally in the park a lot 15 and i'm like all right i'm gonna pet one like whatever they're literally everywhere like squirrels and once you see them in person you realize how fucking big they are and then all they have to do is just jump up and kick you in the chest and you're dead it sounds not that different from your fantasy of catching a fish with your bare hands yeah when once you actually confront the wildlife you'll chicken out again hank if a kangaroo if i had to if i had to pet it i would have let me ask you a question if a kangaroo went to kick you in the chest and you grabbed his leg what does he he do then? His legs are so powerful.
What does he do then if you grab his leg? He kicks out of it. You know what I would do? Yeah, I would jump in his fucking pouch and uppercut him from underneath.
From inside of him. Yeah.
Just like be sitting in his pouch, punching his abs. Body shot him to death.
Or what you do, you just run around behind him real quick, grab his tail, and then you start swinging him in a circle by his tail yeah and then he gets dizzy and then you like the discus do you think that kangaroos would come back like a boomerang like yeah go like yeah 20 feet and turn around in the air probably a large male can be six foot seven and way up to 200 pounds well i could take a kangaroo i weigh more and height yeah he's a little bit taller. But he wouldn't stand up straight.
But he's too skinny. I still feel like that.
I got the weight. And I probably got the reach.
Their arms aren't... They don't have good wingspans.
No, they're like T-Rexes. Right.
So I got reach and weight. Easy.
All right, next up is a wolf. I think that's just too adjacent to a dog.
It's very similar to a dog, but I think I could take it. I don't know.
They cut to black in the last scene of The Grey with Liam Neeson. We're going to beat everyone.
So I don't know. A wolf.
I think I could beat a wolf. Here's the technique.
You want to know the technique? Yeah. You wrap your arm.
You take off your shirt because you're allowed to have clothes on, right? Yeah. You take off your shirt.
You wrap your shirt around your arm. Then you hold your arm out in front of the wolf.
It bites onto your arm. It latches on.
Then you just kick it in the balls. No, you just grab its windpipe and snap it.
Just with your fingers? Yep. Just like that.
Done. Do you think that wolves are too trusting where you could lure a wolf in like you would a dog and let it smell the back of your hand.
Remember, what was the book?

Iron Will.

No.

Iron Will.

No.

White Fang.

White Fang.

That was a great book and movie.

You could also, with a wolf, grab it by the scruff of its neck.

And then it doesn't get basically hypnotized at that point.

That's true.

It thinks that you're its mom.

Who wrote White Fang?

Was it Gary Paulson?

Jack London, I think.

Jack London. I was a big Gary Paulson guy.
guy the hatchet london jack london all the wild too right uh all right so the next up is i mean this is people are going to now say that this is ridiculous crocodile is 10 think they could beat a crocodile. Male, 8% women.

I actually think I'd have more trouble with the cobra than I would a crocodile.

Right.

It's at foot level.

So it's perfect kicking.

I would just sprint directly at the crocodile and kick it.

I would just run around it to its back and then just fucking get him from behind.

He can't move laterally.

Right.

Like, if you're telling me I'm swimming, yes, a crocodile would beat me in the pool. Easily.
Drag you under the death roll. But we're just out on the fucking lawn.
Yep. I'm just like, hey, crocodile.
I just do a big roundabout run. He slowly tries to move.
I hop on its back. And then again, windpipe trick done.
Also, crocodiles are stupid as shit. shit they're basically dinosaurs they've got a tiny little brain i think it's actually easier than all this you see a crocodile you run directly at it you simply jump over its head and land with a double leg foot smash right on its back they don't a crocodile can't like raise up on its hind legs you just jump over its mouth smash its its neck, smash its back, just like with your feet.
You just land on them like a surfboard. It's very easy to defeat a crocodile.
Yes, easy, easy, easy. Happy Gilmore took down an alligator to get his ball.
Yeah, that's true. Exactly.
All right, last three are grizzly bear. I'll give a grizzly bear.
I'll say the grizzly bear will win. Yeah, easily.
Lion would win. Elephant, I have some questions.
Well, so it's interesting. Let's not skip over the lion just yet.
No, a lion would beat you up. No, because this one's interesting.
This is the only one where a higher percentage of women than men said that they could defeat the animal. Every other one, I think women are more realistic.
Right. You can probably guess by listening to us talk about how we defeat these animals.
But 8% of women think that they could beat a lion, which, by the way, I want to meet the 8% of women that think they could take down a lion. I don't know why.
Is it because the female lions are the hunters? No, I think it really is just dudes filling out this survey. Most dudes are doing it like we're doing it, and they're like,

well, I got to give one animal a win.

And they all went to line?

Yeah, right.

So it really should be 9% male, 8% female.

Or it probably is just based on the most recent animated movie

that they've watched featuring any of these animals.

Right, right.

All right, so elephant.

If you, is elephant, like,

if the elephant falls down, can he get back up?

I don't know.

Yeah, they sleep.

You sure?

Here we go. if you is elephant like if elephant falls down can you get back up uh i don't know yeah they sleep you sure they sleep on their sides what about on their back like what if i turtle an elephant you couldn't push one over i'm not asking to push one over i'm saying what if i turtle an elephant just answer that question first you could not turtle an elephant how would answer the question of how first okay i'd grab his fucking tail and I'd pull on it.
That would hurt. It'd be annoying.
It'd probably kick. I think that...
It'd kick you like 30 feet. No.
I think elephants are another case of an animal being so smart that you can trick it. Yeah.
So you could probably get an elephant really dizzy just by running in circles around it. Or you could make it fall in love with you probably.
Yeah, probably. I'm going to say elephant 50-50 shot.
I think that's fair. It might be a bit ambitious.
What if you just went up and just took a bite out of the elephant? If you started just eating it? Yeah. I think the best technique would actually be to pretend that you're a baby elephant and just like go try to get some milk and elephants are so nice i've actually seen videos of elephants raising other animals they might try to raise you and then boom it's oedipus effect you can kill it super easy later now this might be like cartoon brain this might be cartoon brain what if you tied the elephant's uh snout what do you call it trunk trunk in a bow yeah or just yeah not what do you just blow up you knotted it up yeah if you couldn't breathe what about his mouth i think eventually it might have asthma i forgot about the mouth might have asthma um could you feed it a rock could you paint a rock to make it look what What do elephants eat? Do they eat anything that looks like rocks? Because this is my main strategy here.
What do elephants eat? Water. Roots, grasses, fruit, and bark.
They're vegetarians? They can eat up to 300 pounds of food in a day. Holy shit.
What if I just wheeled out an old-timey piano and then the elephant died of heartbreak because he's like, oh, that was my mother. That's not a bad idea.
That's my 50-50 shot. Just ivory? Yeah.
Just display ivory for it? Yes. Like, hey, check this out, elephant.
I think, honestly, your best technique, I would probably go for something with the trunk as well. Yeah.
And if that didn't work, just submit and hope that the elephant didn't kill me. Have mercy on me.
All right. would like to hear what uh what maybe we'll put up a couple polls tomorrow get a little discussion going oh big goal for the panthers what about the gorilla oh the gorilla would kill us dude the gorilla is the the mightiest it's got thumbs too and it's yeah no gorilla would fuck you up didn't kill that kid why i gotta bring that up gotta bring that up? Way to end the show.
Too soon.

Alright, let's do numbers.

We'll do polls. 8.
Give me 8 again.

Oh, wait. It's not in there.
45.

99. My guy.

67. Can anyone go back

to back? 94. Wait, did someone go back

to back? You.

Oh, yeah, I did. But it didn't actually.

What is that? 25.

Okay.

Jake? Third timer.

Just give us the

journalist fact. According to the

National Association of Printing and

Ink Manufacturers, most newspapers use

inks compromised of soybean oil

and various pigments and waxes.

That's what your newspaper ink is. Soybean oil.

Oh! Love it.

Okay.

Love you guys.

I'm talking away.

I don't know what to say.

I'm staying anywhere.

Today's our day to find you.

Shut me away.

I'll be coming for your lover.

Today's on me. Today's on me lover.
Take on me. Take on me.
Take me. Take on me.
Take on me. Take on me.
I feel better to be safe than sorry. Take on.

Take on me. Take on me.
Take on me. Take on me.
Take on me. Oh, we will let the same.
Thank you. Take me on me Take me on me I'll bring you on Take me on me Take me on me Take me on me Take on me Take on me

Take on me

Take me

Take on me

Take on me Thank you.