Lions HC Dan Campbell, NHL/NBA Playoffs, Plus Monday Reading On What Animals You Could Kill

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Speaker 3 On today is part of my take:

Speaker 3 Dan Campbell. Yes, probably the most requested guest we've had

Speaker 3 in the last two months. He's finally on the show.
It did not disappoint. Wait till you see what he would do for a Super Bowl trophy.

Speaker 3 Your move, Mike Vrabel. Let's just say that.
Awesome interview with Dan Campbell. We have NHL playoffs starting, NBA playoffs picture ready to go.
We'll talk about that.

Speaker 3 Preakness, who's back of the week, and a great Monday reading, a packed Monday show. We had to do it for Dan Campbell.

Speaker 3 Actually, I just realized, PFT, our Monday reading is about humans versus animals. Yeah, Dan Campbell's perfect for Dan Campbell.

Speaker 3 Dan Campbell should have been one of the animals that was listed that you could. Yes, yes.
So, awesome show coming up. Before we do all that, we're brought to you by our friends.

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Speaker 3 At participating, McDonald's. Okay, let's go.

Speaker 3 No place to hang out or washing.

Speaker 3 And then I can't name all on the sun. Oh, no, we're gonna rock down to Elaine Tricky Avenue.

Speaker 3 And then we take it higher.

Speaker 3 Oh, we're gonna rock down to Elaine Trake Avenue. It's Pardon My Take presented by Far School Sports.

Speaker 3 Welcome to Pardon My Take presented by Body Armor. I just had a delicious sip of like Tropical Chaos.
My favorite flavor is strawberry banana. Everyone knows that.

Speaker 3 Go buy Body Armor at Amazon or you can buy it in store. Today is Monday, May 17th and

Speaker 3 PMT Rivalry Week. Yep.

Speaker 3 Here we go. So last you talked, last we talked to you folks, we had a mayor's bet between Hank and PFT.
The Capitol is playing the Bruins.

Speaker 3 The loser is going to have to eat Olive Garden on a live stream until they puke

Speaker 3 and drink

Speaker 3 chardonnay and they're going to get shard bombed yeah shard bombed i once got shard bombed at river shannon uh shout out river shannon and uh in chicago and and some kid some stoolie just walked up to me and was like hey shard bomb dude just a glass of chardonnay i was like what do you mean he's like you gotta chug it you gotta chug it now i chugged it and then i puked instantly outside are we bringing back icing is icing coming to stop stop shard bombed that was popped up that was the one and only shard bomb i'll ever do i don't even like chardonnay but if somebody gives me a glass of anything it's like the rules are you have to to

Speaker 3 be Drano, it could be motor oil, but if somebody's like, yo, dude,

Speaker 3 you just got patton's oil bombed, I'd be like, okay, I guess bottom's up. That's what I mean.
Yeah, I thought the same thing, but I don't think that, I don't think you could just do that.

Speaker 3 You can't do it to random people.

Speaker 3 Maybe, but

Speaker 3 maybe to a friend. Yeah, I would expect that.
I guess that guy was

Speaker 3 because he was a listener. I think you become a friend after you get shard bombed.
Yeah, shout out that guy. Tweeted me if you're still alive.
Hopefully you're not.

Speaker 3 All right, it was overtime hockey. All the games are going to overtime.
Wait, Wait, wait, wait, wait. Let's talk hockey, but you guys are now matched up also on Tuesday night.
Yep.

Speaker 3 Celtics versus Wizards for we were trying to figure out if we needed a bet, and we decided no because the NBA really fucked up the one cool thing last year of the play-in game by making it a play-in-game tournament where Tuesday night Celtics-Wizard game actually isn't an elimination game, so who the fuck cares?

Speaker 3 It's like a ladder. If you lose twice, you're out.
Like, it obviously matters because you want to win. Yep.
But if you lose, you just play on Thursday. It's like, oh, okay.
It's so.

Speaker 3 Well, embrace debate. Is this the playoffs?

Speaker 3 Is it the postseason? Is it a wildcard game? Yeah. It's like the play-in game for NCAA.
Yeah. It's a wildcard game.
It counts. It counts as a play.
It's the pre-competition. I just hate that.

Speaker 3 Because back in the day, they used to do series, like best of five series, and then best of seven.

Speaker 3 That was still the playoffs. But this is, I just hate that they, like, they had something good.
Eight versus nine is good. You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 The team that just barely missed the playoffs to the team that did make the playoffs. When you add the 10th seed, it's stupid.

Speaker 3 And the fact that the seventh seed could potentially not make the playoffs is even dumber. I just hate the whole thing.
I'm gonna go out on a little limb here.

Speaker 3 I think that if the uh if the wizards beat the Celtics, if they get if they end up matching up against the Nets, I think that the Wizards could actually beat the Nets in the first round.

Speaker 3 Okay, they're hot. The Wizards.

Speaker 3 It would have to be a seven-game series. No, I'm saying like how many.
You're saying the Wizards would win the series. I'm saying the series.
No, listen. I'm saying your trailblazing winning beats.

Speaker 3 Listen, listen to me very carefully and how I'm selecting my words. The Wizards could beat the Nets in the first round.
Yes, they could. They can.
Anything could happen. They can't.

Speaker 3 People could get injured. They could.

Speaker 3 I want to actually put a quick parentheses on my take that I hate the way the play-in game has been constructed this year

Speaker 3 and say that if LeBron somehow doesn't make the playoffs, the traditional playoffs, I love this, and I think it's the greatest thing that's ever happened to the NBA.

Speaker 3 And this technically isn't the playoffs. Right, if LeBron was the first one, he missed the playoffs.
He missed the playoffs entirely. I think he actually missed.

Speaker 3 Yeah, he missed missed the traditional playoffs. Well, he missed being one of the automatic qualifiers for the playoffs for the first time in his career, right? Yes.

Speaker 3 Look, I like, I do think the play-in game was fun last year. Yeah.
And I'm all for that.

Speaker 3 I just think the fact that they made it seven, eight, nine, ten, and seven could miss the playoffs is just, it's stupid.

Speaker 3 They took a great thing and they made it dumb. Every year they should just rewrite the rules with two weeks left to make sure that Zion can get in.
Yeah. Just like in a different way.

Speaker 3 Whatever they can just like jump the 10 and 11 seed if they're the 12 and be like, listen, the 12 gets to play the six. Zion should also be a good player.

Speaker 3 Yes, also, one team should be able to draft Zion. Am I stupid? Am I like

Speaker 3 when you do, when you do a playoff seeding, seven should play 10,

Speaker 3 eight should play nine? Well, you're talking about Sweet 16. Yeah, no, but I'm just saying it's so like you're talking about the NCAA tournament.
It's so stupid that, like, it's just dumb.

Speaker 3 Like, seven should play 10 and have to beat 10, 10 should have to beat seven twice, and eight should have to play nine. Like, it just makes no sense.

Speaker 3 Also, someone, I will say this to the conversation about records last week, someone replied to us and let us know that you just have to think about it like NCAA tournament seatings.

Speaker 3 Yes, that was great, except for 0-17. Right.
That doesn't exist. There's no zero seeding.

Speaker 3 And it's actually going to be even more pronounced on Wednesday when the Lakers play the Warriors, which everyone wants to see, which will be exciting. But again, it's not an elimination game.

Speaker 3 And then I bet you whoever loses that game is going to win the next year. They dispersed the Grizzlies.

Speaker 3 Right. So

Speaker 3 it's a great thing in theory, the play-in game, but the way the NBA is constructed, I just don't,

Speaker 3 I can't feel juiced up for a game where the loser of that game still is in the playoffs.

Speaker 3 It's a classic case of Adam Silver reading the NBA Reddit comments too much and adapting his entire playoff structure because somebody had a post on an off day that got way too many upvotes.

Speaker 3 I think that's the 7-8 thing that bothers me the most just because when you watch a one-game playoff, it should be a one-game playoff.

Speaker 3 Also, Also, what it is in the NCAA rankings, in the tournament, you always have the eight and the nine playing against each other and the seven and the ten. Yeah.

Speaker 3 You're just used to seeing those numbers next to each other. Correct.
I agree with you. Yeah.
All right. So

Speaker 3 you want to just do NBA now? We'll do it hot right afterwards. We're going to do NBA right now.
So

Speaker 3 the Knicks won the title.

Speaker 3 I think they're going to raise a banner. In all seriousness, Tom Thibodeau is an unbelievable coach.
Like what he has done, what Julius Randle has done, it's incredible.

Speaker 3 No one gave the Knicks any any credit this year going into it. I went and looked back and it was like everyone had the Knicks in the lottery.

Speaker 3 All the prognosticators, everyone had them as being a terrible team again. Their roster's not that great.
The resurgence of Derrick Rose, like all these things, it's cool.

Speaker 3 Tibbs is just an unreal coach. I miss him.
Whether he burns them out, who knows? But the fact that he has the Knicks as the four seed is incredible. But they're not burned out yet.
No.

Speaker 3 It would be awesome if the Knicks made it to the finals.

Speaker 3 I think that's what I'm rooting for out of the East, actually. As someone who's very much in just cheer for chaos mode when it comes to the NBA playoffs, I would love to see

Speaker 3 a Subway Series, Knicks, Nets, Eastern Conference Finals, Eastern Conference Finals. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 Well, yeah, I think that could happen. Yes, that could.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 It'll be the two or the three, depending on we're taping this during the games.

Speaker 3 Hank, I have something that will probably make you sad, but I want to just throw it out there. The Nets

Speaker 3 have a chance to possibly get to the finals or win the NBA championship.

Speaker 3 Would they have officially won the trade with the Celtics when they traded all those guys and they got all the picks back?

Speaker 3 Because the Nets would be in the finals before the Celtics. Are you sure when they got like Paul Pierce? Yeah, like that.
15 years ago.

Speaker 3 Well, there's still some assets that are probably being exchanged to this very day.

Speaker 3 Would the Nets technically have won the trade because they got to the finals first? Technically, yeah.

Speaker 3 It's a ridiculous thing to say because obviously it's not true because he's got so many picks. You know what? But it would be

Speaker 3 sick of everybody saying

Speaker 3 with free agency. I'm sick of everybody saying I'm a process guy.
I'm a results guy. Yeah.

Speaker 3 I don't care about how the process worked out. If they get to the finals, yes, they won that trade in my book.
This is actually in the East,

Speaker 3 it's

Speaker 3 like the three teams at the top. Basically,

Speaker 3 if you don't make it to the finals, if you're the Sixers, Nets, or Bucs, like everything is broken.

Speaker 3 It's such a chips-all-in because Giannis, this would be another time where they get to the playoffs. They don't get all the way over the hump to the finals.

Speaker 3 The Nets, obviously, they have the most talent. I still think, oh, I got to find James Harden's quote.
Did you see James Harden's quote from the other night? I didn't, but

Speaker 3 I'm always. I love James Harden.

Speaker 3 He's my alpha. I'm bummed out that Giannis signed his extension before the season started because we are getting robbed of some very juicy storylines that could be happening right now.
Yes.

Speaker 3 Like, just judging Giannis' future in Milwaukee Milwaukee based entirely on how his team performs this offseason is something I'm going to miss dear about this postseason.

Speaker 3 Tell me the quote is so good.

Speaker 5 Not to brag or anything, but I'm like really, really good at this game.

Speaker 3 Yeah, there was that when he came back from his,

Speaker 3 you know, he'd been gone for like a month or so, and a reporter was like, wow, you looked really good tonight. He's like, yeah, dude.
I'm a fucking offseason player.

Speaker 3 I'm a professional basketball player. And then the Sixers, the Sixers, it is

Speaker 3 the process. It does feel this is their best chance.
Embed is, you could make the argument, is the most dominant player right now in the NBA. Like, it's all come together.

Speaker 3 They have to get to the finals.

Speaker 3 You forgot two words: win healthy. Win healthy.
It's contractually obligated every time anyone in sports media mentions Joelle Embiid and about how he's in the MVP consideration.

Speaker 3 You always have to tack on Joelle Embiid. Win Healthy is the most dominant player.
No, what I said. I said most dominant player.
I didn't say MVP.

Speaker 3 Oh, I was going to say Steph. Yeah,

Speaker 3 people are because Steph did win. So going to the West, Steph winning

Speaker 3 the scoring title on the last day was awesome. Going crazy.
Very big. I think the Barsville Sports account tweeted it.
Very big Jake Marsh energy coming from Steph Curry. I am the best in the office.

Speaker 3 He flashed. Some may say Steph was actually ripping Jake off

Speaker 3 with how he was. He actually showed all four of his nipples to the crowd.
Yeah, he did.

Speaker 3 I'm the best. He pulled his shirt up.
I'm the best in the office. That's what Steph was saying.

Speaker 3 What?

Speaker 3 Hank, how are you feeling about the Celtics?

Speaker 3 It doesn't really matter at this point with Jalen Brown injured. I just hope, you know, we can...
I would like to beat the Knicks.

Speaker 3 I would like to beat the Wizards and then upset the Knicks just to watch. Why do you want to see Burn? I'm not going to be able to play the Wizards.
Do you want to see me lose the British?

Speaker 3 Wait, I don't think you can play the Knicks. At all? Well, not in the first round.
So you'd have to beat the Nets

Speaker 3 or the Sixers. The Sixers would be nice, too.
Okay.

Speaker 3 I think, Hank, you should just root for everybody to get out of the play-and-game healthy. Just no injuries.

Speaker 3 You're snake-bit.

Speaker 3 That's my favorite line to use about a team. To just write them off for that season you should be using this hank it's just we're snake bit this year we have nothing to lose

Speaker 3 the game the pre-playoff

Speaker 3 as we talked about no one's going jalen brown yeah that was the spin zone you got to go with like hey what does it matter right yeah

Speaker 3 um

Speaker 3 all right uh oh And then, so then we have the Lakers versus the Warriors, if everything goes as planned tonight.

Speaker 3 I think there was a game, I think there was a game that was being played tonight where both, oh, the Clippers and the the clippers and the thunder are playing right now and they both want to lose the clippers want to lose for seeding so they don't have to play the lakers and the thunder the thunder

Speaker 3 have been incredibly bad like it's actually exceptional i think they i saw something where they they were like one in 20 in the last month and a half yep and they were they hit their like 20th win or something in like late march and they've won one game since they they're they're something special do you think they activate myers leonard for the last game oh Ooh.

Speaker 3 Do you think he's in okay?

Speaker 3 Where do you think he's in? I don't know. He's probably just online somewhere.
Express VPN. He's masked his browser somewhere.

Speaker 3 He's probably still streaming.

Speaker 3 My guess is he set up a new Twitch account anonymously. Because once you get into that Twitch life like that, like there was no reason for him to be streaming when he did that.

Speaker 3 And you can't just quit that. You're addicted to it.
He's probably streaming for like three people. Absolutely.

Speaker 3 All right. And then

Speaker 3 any other NBA stuff?

Speaker 3 I just think that

Speaker 3 as a whole, have we as a nation decided that we're just going to write the jazz off completely?

Speaker 3 I need to get on the same page as the rest of the media out there because I think I've decided that, but

Speaker 3 I don't think there's a single strong jazz.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 I mean, Rudy Gobert is awesome. Yeah.

Speaker 3 So we can just be like that. I like Rudy.
Rudy. Yeah.
Rudy's awesome.

Speaker 3 I'm thinking Bogdan. Well, Rudy Rudy Gobert actually saved probably hundreds of thousands of lives.
Yeah, that's true. With his cavalier attitude.
Yes. Yes.

Speaker 3 Again, I'm a results guy, not a process guy. What's your joke about the Jazz? Actually, I'm going to hold it.
No, you can't say it. No, I don't want to.

Speaker 3 I like Rudy Gobert. I like Beaujan.
I like to have it on Wednesday, though. I'm going to say some nice things about the Jazz.
I like Rudy Gobert. I like Beaujan.
Mike Conley's on the team.

Speaker 3 Beajan. Beaujan Bogdanovich.
There's Beaubon. No, no, no.
There's Mardin, though.

Speaker 5 That's Marjanovich or something.

Speaker 3 Come on. Dude, come on.
The Bojan and the Mojan mix up.

Speaker 3 Donovan Mitchell. I like their old jerseys.
Yeah. They had the mountains on them.

Speaker 3 When they do the weird color game, it takes me about five minutes to figure out if it's the suns or not. Or the nuggets sometimes.
Yeah, right. Right.
You know that? That one's weird. Oh, they did.

Speaker 3 Tell Gordon Hayward have fun being LeBron's B-word. Little B-word.

Speaker 3 They're very respectful when they're disrespectful in Utah. That's very true.
That's very true.

Speaker 3 That's about.

Speaker 3 I think we've hit our quota

Speaker 5 sport team in their city

Speaker 3 representing.

Speaker 5 I think they have real Salt Lake 2. Power 4.
That's where the soccer people come at me.

Speaker 3 That's huge. Power 4.
I like it. Oh, Joe Inglis.
I love him.

Speaker 3 He's the best. Australian.
Yep. And he fucking fills it up.
When he gets hot, it's fun to watch.

Speaker 3 All right, so there we go, James.

Speaker 3 That was us being like, hey, when we have the few people from Salt Lake City, say, I've been at day one AWL, you never talk about the jazz, just refer them to that last three minutes. I don't get it.

Speaker 3 I don't think that you're allowed to listen to part of my take in Salt Lake City. Oh, yeah, or podcast.
There's a firewall. Yeah, no podcast, no pornography.

Speaker 3 You can type in boobs in your Word document and look at that for a while and get turned on. Speaking of the Trailblazers, because

Speaker 3 this is right around the time where I'm going to start saying to myself, maybe they could just outscore everyone. Yeah.

Speaker 3 You talk about a guy that fills it up, dame.

Speaker 3 They could just outscore everyone and win everything, but I know that's not going to happen.

Speaker 3 Let's just do like a fun power ranking. It's like if we wanted to, what's our dream Final Four in terms of teams that would be the most fun to watch? Warriors versus the

Speaker 3 now, these are, yeah, this has nothing to do with seeding, so don't tell us these can't happen. Right.
Warriors, Blazers. Yep.
And then I would say

Speaker 3 Nick's Nets. Nets.
Yeah. Knicks Nets.
All right, so that's what we're rooting for. Nick's Nets, Warriors, Blazers.
Did you see that one guy who tweeted at Dame

Speaker 3 before the season being like, hey, I need you to get over 41.5 wins this year?

Speaker 3 Like, my house is depending on it. 1-800 gambler.
Please gamble responsibly. And Dame was like, got you.
Tonight, they have 41 wins, and they have one game left. Oh, shit.

Speaker 3 They're playing right now, right?

Speaker 3 They're about to tip off in a minute. He's got them.
He's got them. He said he got them.
There's something about the Blazers. They are playing for something.

Speaker 3 There's something about the Blazers that they just form these crazy relationships with their fans that tweet at them. Like I'm Trying, Jennifer.
Yeah. You remember that?

Speaker 3 Yeah, they're just a cool team. Yeah, I like the Blazers.
They're always a cool team.

Speaker 3 All right, hockey. Let's talk some hockey.
Let's talk hockey. Every game go into overtime.
Yeah, first three games go to overtime.

Speaker 3 Then the fourth game's going on right now, and it's the Battle of Florida, and it's actually electric. Overtime playoff hockey is just the most fun thing to watch if you don't have a dog in the fight.

Speaker 3 And then if you actually do have a team that you're rooting for, it just sucks.

Speaker 3 It takes years off your life. It's like taking the worst drug possible if you have a team, and like taking the best drug possible if you don't have a team.
Yes.

Speaker 3 So, NBC, I want to give a shout out to NBC. So, this is their last year that they're having playoff hockey because they lose the package to ESPN.

Speaker 3 And I likened it to it raining on your last day of vacation and being like, you know what, it's not so bad that we have to leave this place.

Speaker 3 The score bug and no Doc Emmerich, which I know he retired last year,

Speaker 3 just makes it easy. Like, it's okay to say goodbye to NBC.
The scorebug is an abomination to the laboratory.

Speaker 3 And not having Doc out there, like, I just, I want to thank NBC for making this as easy as possible. Yeah, I mean,

Speaker 3 the broadcasting team definitely is nowhere near as good without Doc. You can have Doc do anything.
He's like the most versatile voice. Yeah, he did the pregame.
Yeah. Yeah, and it was awesome.

Speaker 3 He's amazing.

Speaker 3 But watching overtime hockey when it's your team, it brought me back.

Speaker 3 It made me realize how much we actually do need fans in the stadiums to make the games better. When you've got an overtime crowd there in person, the roar after the goal is amazing.

Speaker 3 But even better than the roar is the dead silence after the goal when your team loses or when the home team loses the playoffs. The shriek.
There's nothing bad.

Speaker 3 I think that was on my Mount Rushmore sports sound.

Speaker 3 The sole shriek of a stadium or arena that just got their life sucked out of it. Sabermetric stat of the week for the NHL playoffs.
Um, the entire league's on bird alert.

Speaker 3 All bird teams have lost so far. Ah, it's just the penguins, but um that counts as well.

Speaker 3 Are they technically a bird? Oh, yeah, penguins are a bird. People forget that penguins.
Yeah, they're weird. They're a penguin.
They don't like fly. Do they fly? No, flightless.
Yeah, so fuck them.

Speaker 3 They're not a bird. They technically qualify.
They don't count as a bird. Have you seen march?

Speaker 3 Yeah, I don't know. Penguins and birds.
Penguins and birds. I know it's technically a bird, but if you can't fly, you're not a bird.
Ostrich? That'd be like... Larrybird?

Speaker 3 That'd be like looking at that'd be pointing at a bus and being like, look at that airplane. It's yeah, a little bit.
Same thing.

Speaker 3 No, but there are some planes that they lose the ability to fly, but you can still drive them around. It's the same thing.
Like, it's a bus. Yeah.
Just call penguins what they are. They're buses.

Speaker 3 They're a bird with wings. They're bird buses.
They're a bird with wings. Anyways, they stink.

Speaker 3 Sorry about beating your Bruins, Hank, but I mean, it's kind of like come up for the city of Boston, I think. You guys just run all your star players out of town.
It's sad.

Speaker 3 Like Brady, Mookie Betts, get rid of him. It's Daniel Chara, see you.
We don't like you anymore. So it's kind of like...

Speaker 3 Yeah, it's like justice deserves. Terry Terry did get run out of town.
Isaiah Thomas, Kyrie.

Speaker 3 It's something about the city. I don't know.
It's like you get a little success there, and it's almost like the fans get jealous of you for being too good. I'm no hockey expert.

Speaker 3 I just know that when you have a backup goalie that's 40 years old and he was literally tripping over himself and like knocking over the net because he couldn't stand up straight, you got to win that game.

Speaker 3 Yeah, that was that was good analysis, Hank. How was it you guys watched the game together? How'd it go? It was fine because I honestly think that the fact

Speaker 3 there was no chance we lost. So the fact that our goalie got hurt so early on, and the guy that came in looked like he was terrified.
He looked like he was doing a slapstick routine back there.

Speaker 3 And so I just assumed that we were going to lose. Hank assumed he was going to win.
Yeah, but it was like all pennies. That's true.
Win game two and the series is on. Series swings back to Boston.

Speaker 3 Right. Yeah.
So are you guys going to watch game two together? Probably

Speaker 3 Monday night?

Speaker 3 Yeah, probably not. I haven't decided yet.
Yeah. Maybe.

Speaker 3 I'm just, I'm going back to like

Speaker 3 Tuesday night being so bummed out that there's going to be a game that we're going to watch, the Wizards versus Celtics, and it won't be elimination. Yeah, that's sufficient.

Speaker 3 So lame. Nine o'clock, no less.
It's so lame. It's like

Speaker 3 you can't have that. A team has, if you play a game, a play-in game, the team that loses has to be out.

Speaker 3 I've also decided that it would be very funny because the the Canadian division in the NHL, they still have regular season games going on. I think until Wednesday.

Speaker 3 I think the last game of the regular season in Canada

Speaker 3 in the Canadian time zone is on Wednesday.

Speaker 3 I have decided that it would be very funny if the Leafs, because we are rooting for the Leafs as our Canadian team, I think. If they ran through their first two rounds, 4-0, 4-0.
The Leafs, you said?

Speaker 3 The Leafs. The Leafs, the Maple Leaves.

Speaker 3 And then when they got to the semifinals, they weren't allowed to travel outside of the nation of Canada, and then they just couldn't compete.

Speaker 3 So it would just be like every other year that Canada doesn't win a Stanley Cup. Exactly.
But the year where they're like perfectly primed to do it, they could just claim it. Yeah.

Speaker 3 You could just declare yourselves Canadian champions. The Knicks already claimed the title.
Yeah. You can do anything you want.
Put a banner up. It will actually be fun for Knicks fans.

Speaker 3 MSG, the Mecca. The Mecca will be lit.
The Mecca will be ready to go.

Speaker 3 I had a sense that my spidey sense told me it was NBA playoffs time because I had a dream on Thursday night, a fever dream from the JJ shot, no big deal, kind of a bad boy,

Speaker 3 that the Bulls, as currently constructed, won the NBA title this year. Yeah, I was like, and I, and I basically got to dunk on everyone being like, Zach Lean's a fucking man.
It's that.

Speaker 3 And then I woke up and I was like, whoops. Yeah, but that's not in the playoffs.
It's your body telling you that it's time for the NBA title. It's getting ready.
It's like once. True fever dream.

Speaker 3 Once White Sox Dave tweets out the horny tweet about Nala in late March, that's really when the playoffs start to ramp up.

Speaker 3 By the way, I'm going to throw in an extra third Eastern Conference team that would be fun. The Hornets.
Lamello. Why not? Terry Terry.
That would be MJ. Lamello and MJ.

Speaker 3 MJ would try to suit up. Yeah.
They got to the Eastern Conference finals. Fuck it.

Speaker 3 All right.

Speaker 3 Other things we had this weekend.

Speaker 3 The triple crown's over. So who won? Rombulus?

Speaker 3 Rombauer. Rombauer.

Speaker 3 i think it's a great name for a horse honestly rombauer like if i had known that rombauer was racing because i did the thing where before the race i took a look at the form uh i did like a once over and i saw that okay i'm gonna bet on midnight bourbon and i'm gonna also bet on medina spirit to say i'm sorry uh and then i didn't really look at the names of the other horses too closely if i had seen rombauer that's a powerful horse name yeah midnight bourbon almost i It was it was sad because I was going for my personal triple crown and it felt like he had it, but Ron Bauer.

Speaker 3 That was a fast horse down the stretch. Really fast.

Speaker 3 Honestly. I hope Ron Bauer gets disqualified, too.
I hope they find drugs. I hope every horse this triple crown season.

Speaker 3 Well, I was just saying, you know, Bob Baffert, obviously you want your horse to win, but there's got to be a small part of them that's like, all right, well, at least they'll get off me.

Speaker 3 You know, because like if Medina Spirit won the preakness, the heat just gets even hotter. The storyline increases.
Right, exactly.

Speaker 3 Now it's like, all right, I'm just going to keep my Kentucky Derby winnings, and everyone leave me alone, and I'll come back and I'll win a Triple Crown another year.

Speaker 3 I had a dumb question when I was watching the race. Can horses be are they left-footed or right-footed? I don't think so.
Do they have dominant hooves? I don't think so.

Speaker 3 Because I would like to get the stats on that and see if left-footed

Speaker 3 left-hooved horses do better against right-hooved competitors. Like in baseball, like a pitcher-batter matchup, what's the right ratio you have to have? I'm not sure.
Yes, they can. Oh, they can.

Speaker 3 Doing a very quick read of the details, but you're reading a Facebook meme. You are the best.
Jake, you're the best employee we've ever had at dueling out animal facts on the show. Yep.

Speaker 3 And just in general, you're basically our boss. That's not true.
Okay. But

Speaker 3 the show is called part of my data. Whatever you say, sir.

Speaker 5 Successfulhorse training and care.com. Yes, they can.

Speaker 3 They can, but do they?

Speaker 3 This is kind of like the penguin issue. No,

Speaker 3 they can be. No, they have.
They are. They have dominant horse.
But do they? Like, are they all

Speaker 3 guaranteed to be dominant one way or the other?

Speaker 5 Male horses exhibited significantly more left lateralized as well as the female

Speaker 3 spirit exhibited more right. Wow.
Okay, I need to get

Speaker 3 these spot animals for the most part going up against lefties. But lefties are basic.
So if there's a righty who's a male horse, is that an advantage

Speaker 3 that they don't know how to deal with? Goofyfoot. Yes.
All right. Next time we have Randy Moss on, we got to ask him to break up.
So look at the horse's facial whorls and see which way they flow.

Speaker 3 This sounds like

Speaker 3 a bad one. This sounds like you stare at the pattern.
This is like something that you'd find in poor Richard's Almaneck about horses. Yeah, I like this, though.

Speaker 3 Okay, thank you to our veterinarian on staff, Jake.

Speaker 3 All right, let's get to who's back of the week. And then we got Dan Campbell coming up.
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Okay, who's back of the week, Hank? I have a couple. Right.
I love it.

Speaker 3 My first one is Kelvin. Kelvin Beyond.
Kelvin Benjamin. Yes.

Speaker 3 Yahoo. Yes.

Speaker 3 He is going to to be a tight end now. He's transitioning.
He actually is. Good for him.
Yeah, he got signed as a tight end.

Speaker 3 Did he change the pronoun from wide receiver to tight end? I just love that he just got, he's just like, I'm just going to eat my way to being a tight end. Right.
It's very, very relatable.

Speaker 3 And if there's anyone that could do it, it's him. It's honestly.

Speaker 3 Speaking of

Speaker 3 changes in positions, do you see Urban Meyer is just that report that Travis Etienne is taking reps as only a wide receiver? So I saw that. That's just so Urban Meyer.
I saw that.

Speaker 3 He's creating, he's trying to create Percy Harvin. I understand what he's doing, I think.
He's just saying like we know that he's a good running back. So this is rookie mini camp.

Speaker 3 But don't be surprised if Urban Meyer doesn't make him Percy Harvin. He just wants to recreate his Florida team.
Yes, so he needs to sign Rake Ruth then. Yes, he's just going to.

Speaker 3 You got to have somebody that owns a gun on staff. Yeah,

Speaker 3 it was just a very fun. I mean,

Speaker 3 I obviously think Urban Meyer probably knows what he's doing, but it would be very funny if Urban Meyer drafted a running back in the first round, which was maybe not a reach, but you could probably, you already have a good one in James Robinson, and then made him a wide receiver.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Although I do understand the logic behind it.
It's like, let's see what you can do. Yeah.
We're going to ask you to run a lot of routes. Let's use these like two days to have you do mostly that.

Speaker 3 Next?

Speaker 3 Gary Sheffield. Yo.
There's a video of his son Noah hitting a home run using his exact same like bat technique, which obviously they're the only two to ever really do it.

Speaker 3 But when you watch the video and you see how he kind of basically warms up the torque to hit the home run as far as he can, it really makes you think, why doesn't everyone hit like this?

Speaker 3 Yeah, that was the most feared batting stance growing up. Like, when you saw Gary Sheffield coming up to play, it was a miracle he didn't hit a home run every single time.
Yep.

Speaker 3 And how do you time it like that?

Speaker 3 Well, that's where it's like the video of his son, I watched it a million times because it's just like the way he basically is like, you know, priming his swing with the torque.

Speaker 3 And then when he swings it, you can just tell he hits it a a million miles away I think I always used to think it almost hypnotized a pitcher that if you saw a little bit if you intimidation if you saw the beat happening then subconsciously your pitching delivery would get synced up with his beat yeah that he was putting out there and then your timing would naturally be a little bit easier as a batter the only thing that's tough is that there is a real Gary Sheffield Jr.

Speaker 3 who I don't think plays pro baseball anymore. No, I think he works for outkick.
Right. Yeah.
That's crazy. He's actually playing the Blue Jays.

Speaker 3 So yeah, that's kind of that's the only thing that sucks because it's like you got Vlad Jr. living up to Vlad, and then you have Gary Sheffield Jr.
doing Gary Sheffield Jr.

Speaker 3 things, but it's not the real Gary Sheffield. So, is the other Gary Sheffield Jr.
the one that actually plays?

Speaker 3 Yeah, that's what I was going to say. So, that's now Gary Sheffield Jr.
Because I bet you Gary Sheffield Jr. probably is kind of sick of getting like, oh, you're Gary Sheffield Jr.

Speaker 3 Do you not play baseball? Right. Name swap that shit.
Right. Perfect.
Right. Everyone wins.
Is that it, Hank?

Speaker 3 For whose back? Yeah. I had multiple of you.
Yeah, okay, good job. Thanks.
Way to work. You're really, I've noticed that ever since the Jake incident, you've gone above and beyond.

Speaker 3 Speaking of which, Jake and Hank on Thursday, I'll be on the call. Yep.
Sweet. Mike.

Speaker 3 My who's back of the week is, well, first of all, it's Rapha Nadal, beat Joker in straight sets. Don't know if you saw that big cat.
On Clay?

Speaker 3 Who cares? Not sure. It was

Speaker 3 Clay. Yeah, it's Rome.
Oh, it's the one of them still.

Speaker 3 Who the fuck cares? Fucking Clay. Raffle can only play on Clay.
King of Clay. King of Clay.
That's enough outkit talking.

Speaker 3 My other Who's Back of the week is

Speaker 3 just being back. Being back is back.
I don't know if you guys have noticed this, but just everything is back.

Speaker 3 It's so cool. Like, everybody is just back all the time about everything.
Bars are back. Hockey games are back.

Speaker 3 Playoff basketball is back. Crowds are back.
Everything's back. Hot weather's back.

Speaker 3 I agree with everything you're saying. Being back is so back.
I will say, in the fairness of this show,

Speaker 3 If someone who shall not be named because he's on Room Springer did that as a who's back, we would have made fun of him. Because he'd have been like, you didn't think of a who's back.

Speaker 3 No, I actually did think of a who's back. No, I know.
I'm telling you. Just being back.
I agree with you.

Speaker 3 Back is back. Yes.
You're absolutely right. This is a problem.
But I'm telling people, because I don't want, I'm saying

Speaker 3 I am a hypocrite. Because if that person had said that, I would have been like, dude, you didn't even think of one.
But I did think of one.

Speaker 3 And being back, there's no denying that being back is actually. Yeah, absolutely.
Absolutely. Just being back.

Speaker 3 And shorts. And shorts.
And shorts. And shorts.
All right. My who's back of the Week is PFT.
I can't believe you didn't have this one. So novelty drinks is what you're bringing back.

Speaker 3 I've always loved novelty. Yeah, it's my favorite thing.
But the Myrtle Beach Pelicans, Lowball Cubs affiliate, has beer bats.

Speaker 3 It took the internet by storm. I don't know why we don't put beer in more items like this.
Like, I would drink beer out of a football at a football game. Yes.

Speaker 3 I would drink beer out of a basketball or a shoe at a basketball game or a skate. Like, why don't we do this? There should be beer.
Yeah, you should be able to bring your own vessel no matter.

Speaker 3 You should be, if you have your own invention.

Speaker 3 Not even bring it, but I'm saying, like, if I went to a hockey game, they should have a glass hockey skate that I can drink or a hockey stick that I can drink out of. A car stick? A stick with a cake.

Speaker 3 Car stick? Whatever.

Speaker 3 Like, why? This is an. It's not only

Speaker 3 something you can drink out of, but it's instantly a weapon, which is cool. It's probably why

Speaker 3 more places don't do it.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I might have just done that to myself. Going to a NASCAR event would be amazing if they had the gas hose and they just put it in your mouth.
Or a tire. A tire you could drink out.

Speaker 3 You got to carry on a huge tire. Wore it around your neck, and instead of the little

Speaker 3 plug that you would put the air in the spigot or whatever, you just put that in your mouth. It's a straw.
Yes.

Speaker 3 Gas is so back, by the way. Gas is back.
Yes.

Speaker 3 Talking about gas. Gas.
Well, the hackers, they paid off the hackers. $5 million.

Speaker 3 It was so funny. Did you see how the hackers got in? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What hackers? So So they hacked into the pipeline that supplies a lot of the gas to our country.

Speaker 3 You might have gotten GOT if you're going to be in the background. Was that a fake one? In North Dakota? No, no, different people.
What you're talking about?

Speaker 3 The Kansas City. Yeah, that was fake.
It was fake? I mean, it had to have been. Why do you think it was fake? Because

Speaker 3 it was written on

Speaker 3 a completely different font on a just white background.

Speaker 3 It wasn't linked from anything. Yeah, Big Cat.
It was a meme. Right.
So it was real. Yeah, right.
It was as fake as could be.

Speaker 3 It's very funny. We don't know if it's fake, though.
I mean, I would.

Speaker 3 How do we know it's real? I don't know. That's because it looked real.
I think it's more on you to prove that it's real than everyone else to prove that it's real.

Speaker 3 I initially got my information in a text from a friend that had the exact words that they copied and pasted from the meme. So I saw it in two different text forms.
Yes.

Speaker 3 I would say if you can't Google it, can you Google it? Google Kansas. I already

Speaker 3 come top former. Yeah, right.
It would have been incredible. I don't know.
We'll see. I think the facts are still coming out.
We'll wait till the facts. It's okay to say it got caught.

Speaker 3 We don't know that. Yeah, it's okay.

Speaker 3 But we don't know. It was a funny way to get caught.

Speaker 3 The meme was basically that

Speaker 3 the oil company got hacked because someone opened it in an email that said, what was it? You want to see the biggest.

Speaker 3 It was a bartender wearing a Kansas City Chiefs bikini top and said, you talk about Kansas City, but they spelled Kans. It was.
Guy talk. Yeah.

Speaker 3 And then they said, click the link to see more pictures. And then that was the phishing link, and that's how they got phished.

Speaker 3 And you got phished by thinking that you might be getting phished by your own brain because we don't know what happened.

Speaker 3 Again, I think it's on you to prove that it's real. Okay, I'm working on it.
I'm with PFT. You're going to find the meme.

Speaker 3 He's looking. I'm not trying to find the meme.
I'm trying to find the actual story for what happened. Yeah.
Oh, also, taxes is back. It's tax day.
Tax day. your taxes.
It is tax day. Months ago.

Speaker 3 Jake, do you have a who's back?

Speaker 5 Eudonis Haslam. It happened Thursday night after we recorded, but

Speaker 5 on Thursday night against the 76ers, three minutes, four points, one rebound, one fight, one ejection.

Speaker 3 Wow. Legend.
What a legend. He was just waiting to get in for that.

Speaker 5 So that was his first game. And there are five players averaging at least 30 points per 36 minutes.
Giannis, Beal, Embed Steph, and Udonis.

Speaker 3 Got it.

Speaker 3 I found the original tweet, PFD, that has 6,000 retweets. The guy has 531 followers.

Speaker 3 I'm going to say that it's not real. Okay.
Just looking at

Speaker 3 who he is.

Speaker 3 He seems like one of those accounts. I would like for it to be very true.
I would love for it to be true, but it's okay to say that it's not true.

Speaker 3 Okay, somebody replied, follow me for more images. And it's just a busty girl in a chief shirt.
So are you giving up? Wait, no, no, that's not the original tweeter.

Speaker 3 I was just, I saw the cans and I clicked. Yeah.
They got me too. Part of my take is now held hostage by the Russians for $5 million.

Speaker 3 $5 million.

Speaker 3 Yeah, Eudonis Haslam is awesome. 40 years old?

Speaker 3 40 years old and still.

Speaker 5 Yeah, 40. 70.

Speaker 3 Not really doing anything, but

Speaker 3 culture. Culture.
He's literally the culture. Yeah, what is it called? Heat culture.
Oh, heat culture. No, I thought we had another word for it.
Culture.

Speaker 3 No, didn't we have a funny...

Speaker 3 Didn't we combine something?

Speaker 3 50's still trying to find a chance. It's cheap culture.
I thought it was something else. Maybe.
All right. I don't know.

Speaker 3 I guess I'm just going to memory hold the fact that the Heat and Lakers played in the final. That didn't happen.

Speaker 3 It did. I was there.
That absolutely didn't happen. I was there, too.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 All right. Let's get to our interview with Dan Campbell.
Dan Campbell's brought to you by our friends.

Speaker 1 What's up, guys? It's Big Cat here making my Irish entrance with proper number 12 Irish whiskey. How do you make an Irish entrance, you ask?

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Speaker 1 So get out there and make your Irish entrance.

Speaker 3 Anything else just wouldn't be proper. Okay, here he is, Dan Campbell.

Speaker 3 Okay, we now welcome on a very, very, very special guest. It is Coach Dan Campbell, the dude.
Excited to have you on.

Speaker 3 Are we going by coach or the dude? Like, what as media members, let's start there. What is the proper term? Is it Mr.
Campbell? Is it the dude? Is it coach? Is it American badass?

Speaker 3 What would you like us to call you?

Speaker 6 No, look, I'm pretty open.

Speaker 6 You can kind of go as you please. You're not going to offend me one way or another.
I mean, I think as long as you mention how attractive I am as a person, I've been told that.

Speaker 3 Fact.

Speaker 6 I mean, you guys take what you want with that.

Speaker 6 No, look, call me whatever, man. You can call me Dan.
You can call me coach. You can call me whatever, man.

Speaker 3 All good. I like that.
All right, the dude, although you are an attractive man, I think that you were more attractive when you had the long hair. Is there any plan?

Speaker 3 Is there any plan on bringing back the long hair?

Speaker 6 No, you know, I,

Speaker 6 God dang, man.

Speaker 6 So, look, I grew up.

Speaker 6 I grew up on a cattle ranch, man. I'm out in the middle of nowhere in Texas.
And my dad, he's a Marine. And

Speaker 6 so, as you can imagine, long hair was not something that he was real fired up about. And so, you know, I never let it grow, but I always wanted to grow it, man.
I did.

Speaker 6 And so finally I get to the point where I'm, you know, I get in the league and

Speaker 6 I decide I'm going to grow it, man. And I grew it and I just let it go for a while.
I had it that way for over 10 years.

Speaker 6 Finally, you know, and I remember the day I decided to cut it after I was done at New Orleans and it was hard, man. It really was.
And

Speaker 6 I, but I always said, you know what, I'm going to do it once and then I'm done with it.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 6 so I'm done. Now, does that mean I don't have the urge to just let it go? Yeah, I do.
I do, but it's not going to look as good as yours, Eric.

Speaker 3 That's the problem.

Speaker 6 So, and let me say that when I had my hair long, I didn't take care of it. I didn't wash it.
I didn't brush it. I mean, I just, it was what it was.
You know what I mean? So, yeah.

Speaker 6 And actually, I've got a great story about my hair.

Speaker 3 Let's go.

Speaker 6 This is when I'm at Dallas.

Speaker 3 The floor is yours. All right.

Speaker 6 This is when I'm at Dallas. I'm walking down.
I get on the plane. I go sit down.
We're getting ready to go play Washington.

Speaker 6 And

Speaker 6 Greg Ellis walks by me, defensive end, right? He kind of walks by. And as he goes, you know, you just kind of get the breeze of someone walking by.
And I was like, man, what is that smell?

Speaker 6 And I'm like, damn, Greg, Greg stinks. And

Speaker 6 he kind of sits down beside me. And I'm like, what? And I kind of turn and then I get another whiff of it, but yet Greg has kind of moved on by.

Speaker 6 And then I kind of reached down and my hair flows to in front of my face and I realize it was me. It was my hair stump because I haven't washed it when it should have been washed.

Speaker 6 So long story short is, you know, maybe look at yourself before you start looking at somebody else about what stinks.

Speaker 3 So I like that. That's classic.
I think you still give off long hair. You've got long hair energy.
Big hair energy is what the kids are calling it.

Speaker 3 So like you don't necessarily have to have it in order for everybody else to know you're a long hair dude.

Speaker 6 Well, I appreciate I do have long hair energy. And there again, I do miss it, man.

Speaker 3 I just don't, I don't feel like I can rock it like i used to man that's the only problem yeah um all right so we're going to talk about this upcoming season uh but i want to talk real quick about your press conference and i know you're a results guy you don't win in a press conference you did win in that one uh in in terms of in our eyes when you come off the podium though on that press conference were you like that was awesome i nailed that because that when you your energy is what what captured everyone.

Speaker 3 I know that the kneecaps was hilarious, but it was the energy. And I love seeing that because every press conference feels the same, except that one was different.

Speaker 3 So, um, did you know you were going to talk like that when you went up there, or is that just Dan Campbell got let out?

Speaker 6 No, yeah, look, I would say this: I've always been from the time that

Speaker 6 literally I was in high school, you know, call it junior, senior. And then, as I grew into,

Speaker 6 you know,

Speaker 6 whatever you want to call it, an AM, a leader at some point, and then into the league, I always,

Speaker 6 I just, I did what I did.

Speaker 6 And, and then I would have these things that, you know, these times where the heat on the back of your neck, you know, starts to go off and you start to have this feeling of, man, you need to say something, you know, and when you start saying something, you just go and the rest will take care of itself.

Speaker 6 And so I've always been that way. I'm not, I'm not real good about,

Speaker 6 man, I need to write this down. I need to write it down.
Let me get my bullet points.

Speaker 6 Let me read off this sheet.

Speaker 6 I don't do well with that because I just, I'm big in speaking what's on your mind and what's from your heart. And that's the way I've always been.

Speaker 6 So to your point, no, I just wanted to, I wanted to be me. And that was what came to my mind and what I felt.
And I'd been thinking that the whole time as to what I wanted us to look like.

Speaker 6 And so when I got up there, I just,

Speaker 6 it was just me, man.

Speaker 3 I love it. And that's that authenticity, I think.

Speaker 3 People will joke about it, but that has to translate to players because players want to play for a guy who's authentic. They want to play for a person who's not going to bullshit them.

Speaker 3 So in a backwards way, I think that it got exactly what you wanted across probably to your team as well.

Speaker 6 Well, that was kind of the point. And look, it was my first chance to talk to my team without them being there.
That would be the first opportunity. And not only that, but our fans.

Speaker 6 I wanted them to know who I was. And you're right.

Speaker 6 You take the chance when you do that, that you put yourself out there, you know, and yeah, you could, you could go out there, you could fail, you could be embarrassed, you could, but you know what, when you got something to say and you believe in what you're going to say, to hell with everybody else, it is what it is.

Speaker 6 You know who you're directing it to and who you want to buy in. And that's, that's just what I believe, man.
It's me.

Speaker 6 And to your point, I want people to understand that when I, when I say something, it is because I believe it. And I'm, and I don't.
Not that it doesn't happen, but I don't want to read off of stuff.

Speaker 6 I don't want to, I've got to have this laid out and i'm a proper speaker and i there's a time and place for it and it's good to have but it's just not me it's hard for me to do man so does that mean that you do want your players to actually literally bite kneecaps of their opponents well it depends i mean it just no um

Speaker 3 i was like okay go on tell me tell me the time yeah by the way the uh

Speaker 6 you know eric you being the uh pft

Speaker 6 Yep commenter, you would know this well, but you'd be shocked how many things that I've sent from friends have sent me of comments that were made of like, that's a 15-yard penalty.

Speaker 6 I mean, this is ridiculous. Everyone on his team, they're all going to get kicked out of the game.

Speaker 3 I mean, this guy.

Speaker 6 And I'm like, please, believe me, I know we can't bite kneecaps.

Speaker 3 I swear to God.

Speaker 6 I understand that's not in the rule book. I get it.

Speaker 6 So,

Speaker 3 you know. But if no one's looking, it's only a penalty if you get caught.
Right.

Speaker 6 Well, and to a good point, when you're on the bottom of the pile, nobody knows what's going on down there.

Speaker 3 Yes. So

Speaker 3 it's been fun to watch you kind of take over this franchise, and it's being kind of molded in the image of you as the head coach, as the full-time guy.

Speaker 3 And you got your start coaching down in Miami on an interim level. And that's when I was first made aware of Dan Campbell and what you stood for and what you were all about.

Speaker 3 Because on your very first day there,

Speaker 3 not only did you do the Oklahoma drill in practice, but you had a practice squad player get sacrificed at midfield. Is that true?

Speaker 6 Sacrificed? What is that?

Speaker 3 You did a mock.

Speaker 3 You tell me there was a mock sacrifice of a practice squad player. How did you decide who was going to get sacrificed and how did you sacrifice him?

Speaker 6 Yeah, I don't remember that. However,

Speaker 6 I'll clarify two things. The first thing is we never did Oklahoma drill.
That's been widely reported. That did not happen.
What we did was one-on-ones with the whole team around watching and yelling.

Speaker 3 That's all we did. I think that's more on the people who cover the NFL media because that mistake happens a lot.

Speaker 3 It's like everything that looks physical in practice, they just call it an Oklahoma drill. And that's not what the Oklahoma drill is.

Speaker 3 So I feel like I've been misled by the fourth of State and our media on that one. Thank you for clarifying.

Speaker 6 Absolutely. And to the other point,

Speaker 6 here's the only thing I think I know what you're talking about. I don't know this for sure, but

Speaker 6 what we did was one of the first things I did was

Speaker 6 I had all the rookie players. This was probably day two of practice

Speaker 6 is

Speaker 6 I just put them in the middle of the circle with all of the bets around them. And I told them practice starts when they fight their way out of the middle of the ring.

Speaker 6 And when I say fight, I didn't want anybody getting hurt. I said, be as smart as possible, but I said,

Speaker 6 I don't want one of these rookies to be able to get out of the middle of the circle easy. And just be as smart as you can.
Nobody get hurt, but yet.

Speaker 6 And all it did was, man, those guys were kind of scratched and clawing to get out. And it created a whole energy, man, throughout the whole team.

Speaker 6 And as we rolled into practice, once they got out, the horn blew and we were rolling, man. And actually, guys had a blast with it.
They were laughing.

Speaker 6 They were, you know, now some of the rookies were pretty dog tired, I'll be honest with you.

Speaker 6 I mean, they have to get out in the middle of the circle with all the bets, but it was just something different. It's not something I would probably do here, but it was just.
It was an idea I had.

Speaker 6 I think that's what you're talking about.

Speaker 3 It also, the black shirts and blasting Metallica, the power stance. I actually found my old tweets.
I said that was the easiest bet of my life was Dan Campbell, first game, Dolphins, Texans.

Speaker 3 You blew them out. That was the type of energy you brought.
I would imagine, though, you also learned some things.

Speaker 3 Like you just said, you know, you wouldn't probably do a rookies have to fight their way out of a ring.

Speaker 3 What was the biggest thing, though, you learned from your time in Miami for maybe the haters who think that you're not ready for this job in Detroit?

Speaker 6 Yeah, I mean, look, there's a a couple of things. I think number one is,

Speaker 6 and it helps that I'm going through it this time around to where I can hire everybody that I felt like I needed to hire and wanted to hire and could

Speaker 6 compliment me.

Speaker 6 But it's,

Speaker 6 man, there was things that I felt like I tried to do on my own. Like I tried to do everything.

Speaker 6 That was a major lesson learned. You can't do everything.
And at some point,

Speaker 6 you know, you have to be able to trust those guys around you. You have to be able to trust your staff and those people you work with.

Speaker 6 And, and I thought, man, towards the end, I remember at one point thinking, you know what, I, I, uh, like, I, I can't do this on my own. And I, and,

Speaker 6 you know, and I,

Speaker 6 I wish that I would have delegated more than I did. I think I tried to take on too much and I wasn't ready for it.
You know, that's something you learn. I think that, um,

Speaker 6 you know, I kind of brought this up.

Speaker 6 The other thing, just as it pertains to end game situations, I've brought up, we went down to buffalo and uh this is probably i don't know it was our i guess fourth game after i'd taken over and we go down there and they're they're beating us pretty good and then it's right before halftime and essentially i got two timeouts in my pocket and i just i blow the whole thing and and we get down there and you know i should have used the timeout i decide we go hurry up when I haven't talked to anybody about going hurry up.

Speaker 6 We haven't practiced it. I didn't want Rex Ryan to get into cover zero and, you know, all out blitz.
And it was freaking stupid.

Speaker 6 So by the time we get the team lined up and we're trying to get signaled out what we want to do, we throw it. It's incomplete.

Speaker 6 Now we're sitting there with like three, three seconds left on the clock and one timeout in our pocket, which does us zero good.

Speaker 6 And, you know, and look, we go in with no points. We'll go for it on fourth down.
We get stuck. You know,

Speaker 6 we don't,

Speaker 6 you know.

Speaker 6 we come away with no points and and basically we got our you know we got our face kicked in the second half and that's on me man it's my fault and uh you learn i mean you live and you learn it was just you know communication man it's you're doing something we never talked about you know game situation you got two timeouts with the crap you're doing uh but there's just look there's a number of things um

Speaker 6 and i think the other thing is just being on the same page and and what i mean by this being on the same page with personnel, the personnel department, your GM.

Speaker 6 And that's where Brad and I, I think, man, we both came in with a clean slate and thought of how do we want this to look, knowing that, man, we need to be working together and we we want this perception that it is reality of man

Speaker 6 whoever's in this building is our guy. It's not the GMs guys that the head coaches guys not the personnel's guys not the coaches guy.

Speaker 6 This is our guy and when we make a move one way or another it's because we the Detroit Lions made a move that way. I think that's the first way to lose is splitting the building.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah. There was a quote that came out a couple weeks ago I think it was before the draft about your general manager that you said here's what I would say about being a true true alpha.

Speaker 3 A true alpha knows when it's time to concede for the betterment of the team.

Speaker 3 And so I would tell you one way or another, there's already been a couple of things where it's like, ah, maybe you see it a little bit more this way. I see it that way.
We haven't had a problem.

Speaker 3 We're not going to have a problem. So therefore, you are the true alpha because you are willing to concede and make somebody else believe that they are the true alpha in their department of expertise.

Speaker 3 Would you say,

Speaker 3 what would you say to the people that would say, hey, a true alpha would never concede? True alphas always stand up.

Speaker 3 Like, Jake is our alpha on this podcast, and he would never concede anything to Hank.

Speaker 6 I hear you, man. And

Speaker 6 yeah, look, I think that it's just to me, when

Speaker 6 you really are that way, and you're somebody that's very secure in who you are and very confident, and you know the way that you think you think

Speaker 6 things

Speaker 6 uh should go to succeed, um,

Speaker 6 then I think you're willing to listen, man.

Speaker 6 I think alpha comes with having security, man. I do.

Speaker 6 I think you got to be very secure in yourself and not have, like, look, just take, for example, the staff that I hired, there's a lot of people that might not have done that.

Speaker 6 I mean, look, I got Anthony Lynn. I got Deuce Staley as my assistant head coach.
I got Aaron Glenn as my defensive coordinator. You got Dom Capers, special assistant.

Speaker 6 You got, I mean, I can go down the list and it's like. Mark Brunel is my quarterback coach.
That can be a little intimidating for some people.

Speaker 6 I mean, these are some, not only were some of these guys great players, they're damn good coaches, man. And,

Speaker 6 you know, as a head coach, that could be a little bit like, oh, crap, man. Am I hiring my replacement? Am I hiring somebody that knows more than I do about this position?

Speaker 6 You know, am I, and I don't look at it that way at all. I look at it as like, man, these guys got experience.
Anthony Lynn's done this. He's been in that seat.

Speaker 6 And I'm like, man, I won't give me what you have. Like, tell me what I need to know.
And I've kind of, we've done that with everybody that's here, but, but I think that's the best way to look at it.

Speaker 6 so when i say that look i'm very i know what i want and i know what it takes to win and and it all started with what sheila wanted us to do and between brad and i knowing what we want and then hiring the staff and so all i'm saying is look i i know where we need to go but yet man there's a time where you really think we need to do this do this do this do this and everybody on your staff that you truly trust that's why you hired them is telling you don't do it You probably ought to listen.

Speaker 6 And guess what? You know, sometimes you got to concede for the betterment of of the group and for the betterment of the team. And that's what I meant by it.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I think it's smart.

Speaker 3 It should be looked at as a benefit that you have somebody that's done this before.

Speaker 3 Or in the instance of a lot of those guys that you mentioned, I'm sure Mark Brunel has forgotten more about playing quarterback than you'll ever be able to learn.

Speaker 3 You know, like you've got guys that have been there and done that and in some circumstances played it. You shouldn't think of that as a threat.

Speaker 3 That's actually what you would want on your team if you were actually secure about it.

Speaker 3 Now, that being said, when it comes to your relationship with general manager, when it came down to make your first overall draft pick and you decided to take Sewell, how much of that was just you being like, I want a guy that I want a wrestling buddy.

Speaker 3 I want a guy that I can like beat up and he's the toughest guy out there. Well, look, I will say this.

Speaker 6 It's pretty enticing, Eric. I'm not going to lie to you.

Speaker 3 It really is.

Speaker 6 And my heart does lean towards big guys, believe me, man. The guys in the trenches, because I still believe you win and lose there.
I just do deep in my soul.

Speaker 6 However, leading up into this, we did know that Sewell was one of, if not the best prospect in this draft. That's what we really believed.

Speaker 6 And so just for the player that he was, it was hard to ignore that. However, we were not shut off to,

Speaker 6 we were going to take the best player available on the board. And Brad and I both said going into this, you know, we made a couple of moves this offseason as it pertained to free agency.

Speaker 6 And it's like, look, man.

Speaker 6 Let's add some guys for competition here in spots, but let's not feel like we get tied to need, need, because I do think you get in trouble a little bit.

Speaker 6 Now, if you told me that we have two equal players sitting there and we have a need at call it linebacker, well, we'll probably take the linebacker over, you know, whatever, the offensive lineman or the, you know, or the corner or the,

Speaker 6 it,

Speaker 6 but we, but that was important to us. So look, it fell that way.
It really did. And he felt, we didn't, we did not think he would fall to us like that.
We were hopeful, but we didn't think he would.

Speaker 7 But we man we want to take the best player in that position is what we wanted to do so we listen we were we were prepared now to take a receiver i mean that's uh we had no problem with that if he was the best one on the board because sewell was gone we would have taken him no problem yeah we're going to get back to dan campbell in a second but before we do i'm not going back to college to be your friend i'm going so i can get uber one for students it saves you on uber and uber eats i'm there for zero dollar delivery fee on cheeseburgers up to 10 off smoothies and six Uber credits back on rides.

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Speaker 3 And now, more Dan Campbell.

Speaker 6 Is it true that you had your appendix burst on a flight and you just like kind of ate that pain, didn't say a word, and then casually went to the hospital once you landed well yeah but i mean it's not yeah yeah it's not like my gut it's not like my guts blew open or something and it's like you know no i look i had i had the anybody's had an appendix understands it's weird man it's it's an awkward feeling you feel like you got a little stomach ache it starts that way and then you're like man i got diarrhea and then it's like no i'm you know i just i've just got a bad stomach cramp and it's all this stuff and uh it got worse and it got worse i'm on the plane and i'm sweating.

Speaker 6 And, you know, I go and I force myself to throw up. And so you're just trying to fight it a little bit.

Speaker 3 You tried to puke your appendix out.

Speaker 3 Exactly.

Speaker 6 I'm like, man, this thing's got to come out one way or another, right? Yeah. If it's not coming out the back end, it's going to come up my throat.

Speaker 6 So you go through the whole thing. And then it just got worse.
And we landed. And so.

Speaker 6 I went by the trainers and I just told them, I said, hey, give me something to knock me out so I can wake up in the morning and be ready to roll for the conditioning test. And

Speaker 6 so they gave me something and took it. And I was out for about two hours and I woke up and it was, you know, it was worse.
And so they got me the hospital and ended up, you know, it had whatever.

Speaker 6 I mean, ruptured is a very strong word,

Speaker 6 but it, I guess that's what they call it.

Speaker 3 But it's good.

Speaker 6 It got caught early. It's no big deal.
Everybody, dude, plenty of people have had an appendix. That's not, it's not like I got shot or something and lost my leg.

Speaker 3 So. Yeah, but you, you tried to puke it out.
You tried to sleep it off. That's a football guy.
That's a football guy move.

Speaker 6 I don't know about that.

Speaker 3 Yeah, try to walk it off. Sometimes you can try to sweat it out, too.
Yeah, you go to a sauna. Yeah, you just sit and you get uncomfortable for it.
I like it. I like it.
Are you always like it?

Speaker 6 When you grew up like I did,

Speaker 6 and really and when we did, it was everything was about putting dirt on it or, you know, tough it up, throw some dirt on it or go wash it off or, you know, whatever.

Speaker 6 And so that's just kind of the, you know, it's, it is what it is, but it was fine. It's no big deal.

Speaker 3 You should actually have a jar of dirt in the training facility there, so like on their way out, they rub some dirt on it, you know, like, or if they got like a bad scratch, just have somebody put some dirt on, see if it makes them feel better.

Speaker 3 I feel like that you got to zig while everybody else zags a little bit. And last time we're up in Detroit, we sat with your uh, your predecessor, uh, Matt Patrician.

Speaker 3 We gave him some ideas about just some small motivational tactics that you can use around the facility. I don't think he implemented any of them,

Speaker 3 uh, unfortunately for him, but we I feel like you might be into some of those. And my favorite one that we had was

Speaker 3 you have a taxidermied sheep that just sits in the entrance to the lions facility, and players aren't allowed to look at it because lions, they don't concern themselves with the opinions of sheep.

Speaker 3 So when they just walk past it, you look away from it, and it teaches you, like, be a lion. I feel like that's something that you might enjoy.
Also, we said heavier weights in the locker.

Speaker 3 I actually like that.

Speaker 6 That's actually pretty good, man. I'm not lying to you.
That's pretty good.

Speaker 3 Between that and rubbing dirt dirt on your wounds in the training room, I feel like we're cooking with gas here a little bit.

Speaker 3 I think it was also as simple as I think when you walk in the facility, there's just a big picture of a kicker.

Speaker 3 Is that right, remember? Yeah, there was. Yeah.
So let's just fix that. You know, it should just be a linebacker.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Yeah.
We can do that. Yeah.

Speaker 6 That's actually not a bad idea. I'll tell you what I would really love to do just in general.
And I've talked to Sheila about this.

Speaker 6 I don't think we're going to be able to do it, but I would love to literally just have a pet line.

Speaker 3 Yes.

Speaker 6 Just a legit legit pet line on a chain a big ass chain and he just he really is my pet we just walk around the building we go out to practice we're at seven on seven we're behind the kicker when he's kicking we're just

Speaker 3 there we are on the sidelines yeah yeah you should you know what you should do is you should get you should get two of them and put them on each sideline and just teach the guys not to go out of bounds don't try to be don't don't avoid contact And I, on command, you could train him.

Speaker 6 Like if one of your groups isn't doing well, you could just take him over to their section and just have him take a dump right there in the middle of where their section is at and then bring him on back i mean think about it be outstanding before before the game you could walk the lions up and down the opponent's sideline and have them pee and poop all over the sideline and then they have to deal with that all game yeah that would be that would be outstanding we're going somewhere the problem i don't know if pita's gonna allow that yeah i don't think so

Speaker 6 though we would take great care of it it would be fed well it would be petted it would be manicured i might end up losing an arm because of it but that would be even better, you know, because it would validate what this is a freaking,

Speaker 6 this is a creature now. This is an animal.
This thing is, this is from the wild.

Speaker 3 Yes. Would you give up an arm just to motivate your team? Ooh,

Speaker 3 for a Super Bowl. If I said, Dan Campbell, you are going to win a Super Bowl in Detroit.
Yes. There it is.
One arm.

Speaker 3 Your move, Mike Vrabel.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Okay.
All right. So arm to a lion for a Super Bowl.

Speaker 3 I like this. I like this.
I have an analytics question for you. We just had head coach Brandon Staley on from the Chargers.
He passed. Let's see how you do.
You're down 14.

Speaker 3 There's four minutes left in the game. You go in to score.
Are you going for one or two?

Speaker 6 Am I going for one or two? All right.

Speaker 6 This is just purely analytics. It has nothing to do with the way the game's going.

Speaker 3 Correct.

Speaker 6 Nothing like that.

Speaker 3 Just numbers.

Speaker 6 Yep, just numbers. Analytics would tell you to go for two.

Speaker 3 Yep. And you would say go for two?

Speaker 6 No, I would say go for one. What?

Speaker 3 Danalytics. Oh, man.

Speaker 3 That's... I will

Speaker 3 absolutely blast you for that. Let him explain.
What's your reason?

Speaker 6 Well, without knowing exactly what's going on, if you're just telling me I'm behind 14,

Speaker 6 I mean, I just... I get the fact that, look, if you go for two, you get it.
Well, look, you're sitting real good now. All right.
There's no problem. But if you don't get it

Speaker 6 all right if you don't get it now you got to go for two just to get a tie back correct right you know what I mean so if but yet if you you know at a minimum you're gonna kick an extra point and you're gonna be sitting there and you're gonna have at a minimum a tie game it just but if you go to me I'm good with it if you're 50 if you're over 50% going for two and you get it the first time, you win the game with an extra point.

Speaker 3 And if you don't get it the first time, the analytics will say you'll get it the second time.

Speaker 3 Listen, I'm not going to, I will criticize you if you do this

Speaker 6 and here's here's here's what i would say like i got no problem with that and i get that you get two shots at it if you're down by 14 and here we go man so now you get two cracks at it if you go for two i would rather kick the extra point and now i'm at the end of the game and where are we at are we worn out are we tired where we're and let's go for two then I like that.

Speaker 3 I get the whole, I get the whole point of it, man.

Speaker 6 You only got one crack at it. Now you don't get it.
You lose. But yet,

Speaker 6 you know,

Speaker 6 I just, I get it. And I know the numbers, man.
I understand all that. And I'm not telling you that I'm off of that and that, no, I don't listen to any of that crap because I have.

Speaker 6 My eyes have been open to some of this analytics, but, and I'm not opposed to any of that. It doesn't mean we won't use it.
But my God, tell me where we're at in the game.

Speaker 6 Tell me, you know, how's our defense playing? How's our offense? I know we're down 14, but is that 14 nothing? I mean, you know, is that, you know, is that Aaron Donald over there?

Speaker 6 Is that, I just think that sometimes that plays into it. That's all.

Speaker 3 I get it.

Speaker 3 I actually, okay, I disagree with it, but I respect the fact that you're like, I would rather go for two when it means more and you have a chance to either win or lose the game at the very end.

Speaker 3 I kind of like that. That's me analytics.

Speaker 6 Look, I know from the numbers, if you're doing the number, well, that's idiotic because if you were going to do that, why not go for it twice? Because you get two opportunities and you're right.

Speaker 6 The odds would say that if you don't get it, you'll get it the next time. And now, guess what? You still got to tie.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 6 You know, I get it.

Speaker 3 I just, you know there okay here's here's look let me say this yeah i'm sorry to interrupt let me say this dan is

Speaker 6 i've come miles miles miles away or miles forward from where i used to think about this stuff i did you know i was very turned off on some of this stuff about five years ago no way

Speaker 6 and we yeah i know it's shocking believe me uh but man we we used you know we began to like trend into this some of this stuff with sean and at New Orleans. And I get it, man.
I get all that.

Speaker 6 And I know there's a place for it. I just, I think you got to be careful, man.
Yeah.

Speaker 6 There's still a human element to it. There's still a tough element to it.
There's still, tell me what the game is like, what's going on, who you're playing against, who's the quarterback.

Speaker 6 Just, that's all.

Speaker 3 I totally agree with you there. I do think that there's sometimes it becomes like playing a game on a spreadsheet, and we know that's not how football is played.
And I actually agree.

Speaker 3 Like there's a, as long as you're not closed-minded, which you're not, I think there's a perfect blend there somewhere where you use the analytics, but you also say, hey, football is sometimes just lining up and beating the guy in front of you.

Speaker 3 Do you have a timeout guy?

Speaker 6 Do I have a timeout guy? Actually, it's funny because I'm.

Speaker 6 There's a couple of guys that are here on staff that we've been going through this stuff right now. We had actually had one here that just left to go to New England who was pretty dang good.

Speaker 3 Okay, because I'm just going to tell you,

Speaker 3 as you know, you obviously were coaching as an interim in Miami, but the easiest way to criticize a coach is for them to screw up their timeouts.

Speaker 3 That's because we're dumb, and when we see someone screw up their timeouts, we're like, oh, we could do that, even though we can't. So I'm just telling you, maybe get a timeout guy.

Speaker 6 No, I will. And I'll tell you that when we're getting ready to play the Bears, you're going to be working for me.

Speaker 3 No, no, no. I know.
Listen.

Speaker 3 I'm surprised. No, I am.
Jared Goff is a very good friend.

Speaker 3 I want Jared to do well, but no, no, I think there's Thanksgiving. I think Thanksgiving, we're going to have a game.
So

Speaker 3 I'm going to have to go check out my friends, Superfan and Detroit Don in the end zone, who are legendary. You've got to meet them.

Speaker 3 You've got to do a little fan outreach with Detroit Don and Superfan.

Speaker 6 Yeah, absolutely, man. Look, I'm going to do everything I can to get out, get in the open, communicate, because I do, man.

Speaker 6 I want them to have some pride back in this community and this city and see if we can build a winner, man. You know, it's been too long.

Speaker 3 Yeah. It's been way too long.

Speaker 3 Have you thought about what your Thanksgiving day is going to look like? Because that's got to be different from every year in the past.

Speaker 3 Like every Thanksgiving, hopefully for a long time, you're going to be working. So have you planned out?

Speaker 3 Like, have you thought I'm going to have my meal on Wednesday night or I'm going to have a snack on Thursday morning?

Speaker 6 Eric, I'm way ahead of you. Here's the beauty, man.

Speaker 6 I played three years at Dallas and I played three years. in Detroit, you know, here or was part of that.
And so I get the whole Thanksgiving deal. And actually, I love it, man.

Speaker 6 There is nothing better than a Thursday game, okay, the early game on Thanksgiving, particular, man. It's, and so it's beautiful.
We always do Friday, man.

Speaker 6 Friday is when you do the Thanksgiving dinner, and you kind of got the weekend to like recover, recoup. And that's an easy man, no-brainer there.

Speaker 3 I like that. Going from analytics to more of the traditional Dan Campbell approach to physical football, because at the end of the day,

Speaker 3 football is a physical sport. If you're stronger than the other guy, you have a better chance of winning.

Speaker 3 Should the need arise, do you think that you are ready to physically engage any other head coach in the NFL?

Speaker 6 No, I mean, that's not even, you know, I don't even think about that. So,

Speaker 6 no, now,

Speaker 6 I mean, let's just say something crazy happens and somebody wants to come up and punch me in the face.

Speaker 6 Yeah, I'll be prepared, but I don't intend on taking anybody anybody on no that's not that's not my intention so let's just say there's a burning building and uh your team's inside and and mike vrabel's standing at the doorway trying to block you from going in and seeing i've known i've known rabes for years dude rabes and i played against each other i've known it for years it's funny because this has come up a couple of times and uh

Speaker 6 And so I'm not even getting into that.

Speaker 3 He's the best. No, we're

Speaker 3 going to entertain that. Okay, fair.
He's the best. We're big fans of him.
All right. My last question, because I know you have to go and we appreciate your time.
This has been awesome.

Speaker 3 I saw a quote, you're going to flush the turds out of the Lions roster. Now, I'm not asking you to name names.

Speaker 6 I said flush the turds. I don't know if I remember.

Speaker 3 Maybe not. You have no room for turds.

Speaker 3 So don't name names because obviously there's a, you know, that time will come when you have to make cuts. But what exactly qualifies a turd on a roster?

Speaker 6 Yeah, I think those are the, here's the beauty. When I made that comment, and I think what I said was that we don't want any turds here.
That's what I was saying.

Speaker 6 So that was not alluding to, well, you know what?

Speaker 6 We've got turds on this roster from previous. We don't.
I'm going to be honest with you. There was no, here's what a turd is.
A turd is somebody that's constantly getting in trouble off the field.

Speaker 6 He does not love football. He's not very smart.
Doesn't care about studying. He's not a team guy.
All right. He's got major ego problems.

Speaker 3 That's a turd.

Speaker 3 He's a football turd, man. I love it.
I don't Deal with it. It's not worth it.

Speaker 6 And so

Speaker 6 that's what I meant.

Speaker 6 And I'm telling you, the roster, when we walked in, you know, I will say Bob Quinn and Patricia did a damn good job with who they brought in because really there are good guys here.

Speaker 6 We don't have any of those guys. I mean, there's not somebody.
A lot of times when these happen and man, a team hasn't had success, you walk in, you're like, ah, man, this guy's a problem.

Speaker 6 This guy's a problem. Now,

Speaker 6 is there things just like any other team, man? You just, you start from the beginning and you see what you have here and what you can lean on. And yes, but those guys are, we don't have turds, man.

Speaker 6 We don't. They did a good job with that.

Speaker 3 Okay, good answer. I just have one last thing.
It's a three-word answer on your part.

Speaker 3 If you could just list your three favorite rock bands of all time, we call you Dantera, but I don't know if they crack into your top five or not. But I was curious who your three goats are.

Speaker 6 Okay. Yeah, that's

Speaker 6 okay.

Speaker 6 And

Speaker 6 certainly

Speaker 6 we're saying Metallica's rock, right?

Speaker 3 Yes, yes.

Speaker 3 Yeah, metal and rock both included in this. Okay, cool.

Speaker 6 All right. So

Speaker 6 I would say Metallica would probably be number one for me. I would say

Speaker 6 I would probably say Leonard Skinner would be two.

Speaker 3 All right.

Speaker 6 And I would say three.

Speaker 6 Man, golly.

Speaker 6 I teeter between. It's probably going to have to be ACBC, if I'm just being honest with you.

Speaker 3 What was the teeter between?

Speaker 6 There's about three of them.

Speaker 3 Go list them. I want to know.

Speaker 3 I mean, all these bands rule.

Speaker 6 All right, look, Led Zeppelin would be one.

Speaker 3 Yep.

Speaker 6 Okay, that's another one. That's a hard one between Led Zeppelin and ACDC.
Look, Pantera would be up there.

Speaker 3 All right.

Speaker 6 Totally different.

Speaker 3 Are you a Queens of the Stone Age guy at all?

Speaker 6 I'm not saying I'm not a fan.

Speaker 3 Okay. But, you know, they're not in the top of my list that's all got it i just figured you know that's a band like if you put that on in the gym everyone's lifting a lot more weight

Speaker 3 you know that that happens iron maiden yeah

Speaker 6 look i like iron maiden look i even like megadeth if i'm being honest with you i know he spliced yeah all right i do man i i thought dave mustain did some good stuff man it was just it was a tough roll but i i thought man he's got some good stuff but It's all good, man.

Speaker 3 I've actually, I broke my finger trying to learn the solo to Freebird. I've been practicing it for the last like four months.
I think my body finally gave out on me.

Speaker 3 So I don't know how I'm going to be able to do it. But I think that that's, I thought that might be something that you'd appreciate.
Somebody that

Speaker 3 just straight up mashed their finger on their guitar, just like snapped last night.

Speaker 6 I do appreciate that, man, because I know I do come from a musical family, although somehow it skipped me. But I do love listening to music.

Speaker 6 So I appreciate the grind of trying to get a song, man, and trying to hit a solo, and especially that one is pretty good, man.

Speaker 3 It'll get there, yeah.

Speaker 3 Um, all right, coach, this has been awesome. We appreciate it.
Uh, best of luck, except for when you play the Bears. Also, please take care of our best friend Jared Goff.
We do love him dearly.

Speaker 3 So, uh, thank you, though, and hopefully, we'll talk some other time.

Speaker 6 Sounds good, Dan, Eric, man. You guys have a good one.
I appreciate it.

Speaker 3 All right, great. Thanks so much.
All right, have a good one. Thanks, man.

Speaker 3 Dan Campbell is brought to you by our great friends over at...

Speaker 1 Hey, what's going on there, pal?

Speaker 3 We saw you at the hockey game on. Do I know you guys?

Speaker 1 I'm Ryan Whitney.

Speaker 7 I got a drink named after me.

Speaker 6 Not a big deal.

Speaker 7 Pink Whitney?

Speaker 3 That's what I thought. See you, fellas.

Speaker 1 I invented the thing, you pigeon. Pink Whitney for legendary moments.

Speaker 3 Okay, we're gonna wrap up with a quick Monday reading. Two things real quick.
Yes.

Speaker 3 One, you might have noticed in the interview that Dan Campbell referred to me multiple times as my dead brother's name. I just want to say he's the only person that's allowed to do that.

Speaker 3 So alpha. Real alphas know when to concede.
And I have conceded that Dan may call me that name, but nobody else can.

Speaker 3 It's just for him. It was shocking.
It was right off the bat. It came in hot.
The most alpha thing I've ever witnessed in all the interviews we've ever done.

Speaker 3 I don't know a moment where someone has just

Speaker 3 dropped their nuts on the table harder than that. Ever.
Ever.

Speaker 3 The second thing is we have now up in the Barcelon Sports Store, I think one of our favorite t-shirts that we've ever come up with, it's Iron Maydan t-shirts, and they're fucking sick.

Speaker 3 I can't personally endorse, but you should buy them if you're a Lions fan. Yeah, and they also...
It has a dead bear on it. They like the design so much.

Speaker 3 I think they made posters of them, too. So we'll have to send a bunch up to Detroit.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Also, another programming note.

Speaker 3 Chaps will be on our show on

Speaker 3 Wednesday for Rose. He's back in the office.
We haven't seen him in a year plus. It's going to be great to see him.
His eye is fixed.

Speaker 3 Well, no, because there's a little misconception going around.

Speaker 3 Chaps, people thought Chaps didn't come to the office for a year and a half because of coronavirus. He actually didn't even know coronavirus was happening.

Speaker 3 He just didn't come to the office because his eye looked so shitty. So he finally got it cleared up, and it did coincide with the vaccines rolling out.

Speaker 3 So you might, it's, you know, it could be confusing, but it's really just his eye.

Speaker 3 So that was the real medical emergency this last year and a half, Chaps I. But he's back.

Speaker 3 Rose, if you want to leave a roast, you have to leave a five-star review, and then in the comments, you roast us, and we will pick out the best ones, and Chaps will read them to us. Yes? Yes.

Speaker 3 All right. Little Monday reading.
This is not as much of a reading as it is a discussion. So this is a poll that was done.
Where was this done? So it was

Speaker 3 you gov, yeah. That sounds official.

Speaker 3 They asked a bunch of people questions. It's 34 different animals, including humans, and you pit them against each other to see which Americans think is the mightiest.

Speaker 3 Well, okay, so that was one part of it, but I thought the most interesting part was it was man versus beast. Yeah, so if you keep scrolling down, that's the second part of the survey.

Speaker 3 Yeah, what I mean,

Speaker 3 animals fighting each other, I think, has been done. I guess all this has been done, but it's fun to see the actual statistics.
So you're right.

Speaker 3 Let's go through the quickly the animals versus the animals. They basically came out that the elephant and the rhinoceros were the the top dogs.
What I don't understand about this, so

Speaker 3 what was the exact science behind it? Is a single hornet on there?

Speaker 3 No, no, but they didn't take into account that animals could be allergic to bees, and so a sting from a mighty hornet would fill even the largest elephant. I like this line from them.

Speaker 3 Of course, geography and morality get in the way of ever knowing for sure. Thanks.
That must have been the Michael McCain cause there. Okay, yeah.
Morality is subjective, okay?

Speaker 3 So what you might think is brutal, I might think is fucking sweet. But a new YouGov study provides the next best thing, the views of the U.S.
public.

Speaker 3 Our survey puts 34 different animals, including humans, against one another to see which American

Speaker 3 think is the mightiest. We showed people seven random pairings of animals from the list and asked them which of the two they thought would win in a fight.
Animals are ranked by their win percentage.

Speaker 3 That is, how often Americans thought that animal would win in a head-to-head matchup when it was one of the two animals shown.

Speaker 3 The results showed that the elephant wears the crown in the animal kingdom, but only

Speaker 3 slightly. Elephants had a win rate of 74%, just fractions of a percent ahead of their single-horned cousins, the

Speaker 3 rhinoceros. I don't like how they did this, though.
Rhinocero eye. Because it has, like, the goose is 14%, but that means, like, the goose going up against.

Speaker 3 I want to know how many people thought a goose could beat an elephant.

Speaker 3 Is there one? No, but there are probably some that thought that the goose could beat an ostrich, a walrus, a chimpanzee. If it was on land, maybe I would give the...
Or in the air.

Speaker 3 If If it was in mid-air, like falling out of it, if you threw a walrus out of an airplane and then threw a goose out of an airplane, I think the goose would just survive by not hitting the ground.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Actually,

Speaker 3 the goose should be number one. I fucking hate goose.

Speaker 3 I actually, I saw Operation Dumbo drop, and Elfin can survive that too. But

Speaker 3 gooses, gooseies, geese, goosers. Geeses.
There's a new fucking family of goose

Speaker 3 by my house, and I want to punt them. Family of guy.
Is that bad to say? Can you say that? No, because geese are, I think, universally hated by the people. Yeah,

Speaker 3 I would like to kick them in the head.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Right now is the season. Yeah.
Once we kick them all in the head.

Speaker 3 Once people get out on the golf course and start having to interact with geese on a regular basis, then the sentiment of humans against geese turns swiftly towards kill the rocks.

Speaker 3 Right, you missed the window, October 1st through April 15th.

Speaker 3 There was a goose. What does that mean? There are geese.
That's goose hunting season. That's goose hunting season.

Speaker 3 That did the hiss towards Stella one time, and I almost went full punt.

Speaker 3 I would do that. Yeah.
If a goose went after my dog, I'd punt the goose. Geese are underrated dicks.
They're the dicks, assholes of the animal kingdom. And squash his neck.

Speaker 3 All right, so that's the poll. This is the more interesting poll, though.
The man versus beast.

Speaker 3 And this is where the discussion will start.

Speaker 3 What if an unarmed human was one of our respondents themselves? Does that mean like not with a weapon or no arms?

Speaker 3 That makes a difference to me.

Speaker 3 I'm going to go no weapons. Okay.
Has the arms. We took a further selection of animals and asked Americans if they thought they could triumph in a battle against them without weaponry.
There it is.

Speaker 3 The results show that Americans aren't confident in their abilities. Most Americans are convinced they could beat a rat, a house cat.
69% only think they could beat a house cat. Yeah.

Speaker 3 You know what? That's a problem with American pride.

Speaker 3 Like we need it. We need some fucking propaganda machine being like, hey, you see that cat in the bodega? You could beat it up.
No, you are strong enough, bro. Well, I also think that

Speaker 3 some people probably think allergies. Some people get in a room with a cat, they can't breathe.
That's true.

Speaker 3 A baby, for example,

Speaker 3 don't let your baby in the same room as a cat. Steal its breath.
Yeah, so, but it also breaks it down by gender. Yeah, so, all right, so here's

Speaker 3 where we're going to go with. Only 64% of women think that they could beat up a house cat.
Yeah. 74% of dudes think that they can beat up.
So let's go from the bottom up, and we'll discuss.

Speaker 3 And anyone object, please, please say it out loud. All right, so rat is the bottom.
68% of women think they can beat a rat, 76% of men. That's crazy.
That should be 100 to 100.

Speaker 3 Dude,

Speaker 3 you can fucking kill a rat.

Speaker 3 I've tried to kill a rat before and failed. No, but if the rat was coming at you and they were fighting,

Speaker 3 you would kill the rat. The only way that a rat could kill me is if it was like in that movie where they put it underneath a pot and then put a flamethrower on the pot and the rat burrowed into me.

Speaker 3 Yeah, that's such a

Speaker 3 yeah. But I think, yeah, like one-on-one

Speaker 3 in an octagon, I would defeat a rat easily. Yes.
House cat, kill it. Yeah.

Speaker 3 It's not even fun. That's not even, by the way, that's not like Tony Scheffler's cat.
That's not scout. Scout's not a house cat.
It's a barn cat. That's a barn cat.
This is a house cat.

Speaker 3 A barn cat's a different animal. A house cat means that that cat's drinking milk.
That cat's sleeping in beds. That cat's sleeping in the windowsill.
That cat is fucking scratching on the on the sofa.

Speaker 3 Like, that cat is a fucking total prima donna. So, I don't like house cats.
I know some house cats are demons. I don't like house cats, though, because they act like they're the shit.

Speaker 3 They act like they're super tough, and that they can like they're the divas of the house. They think that they control everything, but the bottom line is they rely on humans for everything.
Correct.

Speaker 3 I am the alpha around a cat. If I want to kill the cat, I just put the tuna fish away.
Yeah. And then, guess what? You're going to die eventually.
No, but

Speaker 3 they would live for a while. But yes.
they cats can go forever, they can, they never die. Do you see that video?

Speaker 3 There was like a fire in Chicago, and the cat jumped out of like it was like it was probably like 12 stories and just bounced and kept on running. Yeah, cat was crazy.

Speaker 3 Listen, don't get me wrong, I like a select amount of cats, but it's preposterous to think that you couldn't defeat one, even though I did see there was a video today of a cat that chased off a coyote, yeah, and that's another case of a cat not knowing the limitations.

Speaker 3 That's just a yeah, that's boldness. Um, all right, R.I.P.
Bernie, goose 51%

Speaker 3 women,

Speaker 3 71%

Speaker 3 men think they could beat up a goose. I don't...
Is there something I'm missing with geese? They're just aggressive. They're just dicks.

Speaker 3 Yeah, but if I choose to be just as aggressive, I think I would beat it every time. Yeah, all you have to do, you just make yourself look big.
And geese are dumb as shit.

Speaker 3 They'll be like, oh, that's a really big bird that's walking towards me. I better submit to it.
And then you just kill it. You know what I would do?

Speaker 3 I'd grab the goose by the fucking head and I'd Bo Jackson bat over my knee right on its neck snap its neck snap its neck i like that and spit on it i actually think it would be very satisfying to like to just punch a goose in the throat yes absolutely and they have teeth too so if you punch it on their tongue yeah if you punched it imagine punching a goose right in its mouth and its teeth fly out it's like beak stays there but you like knock its mouth down that would be sick i'd love to kill a goose love love uh we're gonna skip dog Yep.

Speaker 3 All right.

Speaker 3 Both medium and large size. That's just a fucked up question.
Don't ask. Don't even.
Why would you ask that? That's so fucked up. Give me a house cat.
I'll fucking strangle a house.

Speaker 3 Why would I ever want to do anything to a dog besides pet it? Boop it. Yeah, oh, maybe boop it to death?

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah. Smother to death with kisses.
Boop it to death over 16 years. I'm a love.

Speaker 3 All right, Eagle. This is where it gets tricky.
38% men, 23% women.

Speaker 3 I think I could take an eagle.

Speaker 3 I give an eagle a fair shot because they, by the way, 38% is, that's too low.

Speaker 3 More people should think that they could beat an eagle. The only way that an eagle is able to beat you is if it comes down and gets a good shot on your eyes right away.
What if it just blinds you?

Speaker 3 It does have sick-ass talons, so I guess

Speaker 3 it could just like... I guess it could just decapitate you.
It's got a sharp beak? No, an eagle can't decapitate you. Now, the unarmed part makes it tough.

Speaker 3 Like, could I take off my shoe and throw it at the eagle? If you get the eagle to the ground, you win.

Speaker 3 yeah because now it's playing on your level yeah and it's it's your own environment i think that you can't throw a shoe you just basically have to try to grab it before it grabs you so the move would be to jump up in the air and to grab it like you're mossing nature and you just grab it and then you slam it on the ground

Speaker 3 and then all of a sudden it's like i'm gonna have to exert all my energy trying to take off now while it's trying to do that just boom snap stamp him on its head if i sat on an eagle would i kill it yeah okay so then i think i'd beat an eagle yeah So yeah, I just got to get it to the ground.

Speaker 3 Then I just fucking power it. Patti with the upper hill of Zoo.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 3 King Cobra, 23% men, 8% women. I think I could beat a King Cobra.
Absolutely, dude. It's on the ground.
It's like, stomp it. Yeah.

Speaker 3 What?

Speaker 3 The grip strength, once it gets you circled up. No, no, you're thinking of an anaconic.
You're thinking of a consensus. You're thinking of J-Lo's butt.

Speaker 3 No, all snakes. Not all snakes.

Speaker 3 I could beat a King Cobra. I think I could too.
What the

Speaker 3 it doesn't wrap you up. It bites you.
It bites you, and then the venom gets you. But here's what I would do.
I would simply let it bite me. And then after it was latched on, then you just strangle it.

Speaker 3 Right. It's got the cobra doesn't kill you.
It's got the world's largest neck. And then after it's dead, then I go to the hospital.
I'm like, hey, Cobra fight.

Speaker 3 Well, and also, this is technically like if you, if you beat, if you kill the cobra first, but you die after, you won't win. That's what I'm saying.
Right. So, yeah, that.
It should be 100% win.

Speaker 3 It's 100% win. 100% win rate.
It's not 100% percent survive but it's a hundred percent win but if you don't die first right then you're good um

Speaker 3 then you're the guy that killed the king cobra yes chimpanzee uh zero zero percent you remember that chimp that yeah no ripped off the hands and the face yeah yeah i was gonna say but that's different though a chimpanzee in the wild versus a chimpanzee that like you know like a crazy suburban person puts into clothes and like diapers and stuff that chimpanzee has just been emasculated and wants to rip everyone's face off.

Speaker 3 A wild chimpanzee, I think I could take it. You think a wild chimpanzee would actually be more friendly?

Speaker 3 They'd swing over to you and give you a banana. Yeah, and then I just go.

Speaker 3 Oh, bash.

Speaker 3 Bash a skull. I think there's 0% chance I could beat a chimpanzee.
I'd say chimpanzee is where I'm starting to get 50-50. Because they're.

Speaker 3 How big is a chimp?

Speaker 3 Give us a chimp.

Speaker 3 I wish we had a

Speaker 3 expert or something. If I'm twice the size of a chimpanzee, I think I could take it.

Speaker 3 the smartest chimpanzee in the world.

Speaker 5 The length is 2.3 to 2.7 feet. The mass is 75 to 130 pounds.

Speaker 3 Okay, so I outweigh by a significant.

Speaker 3 Wait, how many? How far?

Speaker 5 2.3 to 2.7 feet.

Speaker 3 No, I would kill this thing. I also think that you could trick a chimpanzee.
They're smart enough to

Speaker 3 be tricked. Yeah.
Give it all the cigarettes it wants until

Speaker 3 20 years later, it gets lung cancer. Right.
Seems like there's a bunch of

Speaker 3 people.

Speaker 3 No one taller than like five or six feet, I I would say. Hank, you got any thoughts on chimps? I'll take one down.
So, wait, you would, you would get, you'd get. I hate snakes.

Speaker 3 I've always hated snakes. Okay, you're like Indiana Jones?

Speaker 3 Yeah, I've just been terrified of snakes ever since Harry Potter II.

Speaker 5 Yeah, Neville Longbottom with the sword.

Speaker 3 Do you too, Jake? No, I was talking about the scene. But is that, are you afraid of snakes? No, I read the books, Jake.

Speaker 3 Jake, are you. Are you terrified? I've just never thought.

Speaker 3 Kind of crazy, yeah. They don't even concern you, though.
But Hank is definitely afraid of them. Interesting.
I never said that.

Speaker 3 This is our way, PFT and I, our way of re-establishing ourselves as alphas of this podcast. Because you should be.
Would not be able to take any of these animals. No, Jake.
We can confidently.

Speaker 3 PFT's

Speaker 3 Smash an Eagle technique is foolproof. Jake, you do not get to do that.
You do not get to tell me who is that. Alpha knows what to concession.
I know what you're doing right now, Jake.

Speaker 3 I will not accept your concession.

Speaker 3 16, 17% of people, men said they could beat a kangaroo, and 11% said, or women said they could beat a kangaroo. I think I could take a kangaroo.

Speaker 3 I've seen that video where Deli steps up because his dog is being attacked. The kangaroo was trying to defeat the dog, and the guy goes and just, he squares up, punches him in the jaw.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah, easy. A kangaroo is like also, it's like an old-timey fighter.
Like, I could beat up a boxer from like 1850. Right.
Kangaroos, they don't know. And just move laterally.

Speaker 3 They don't know how to compete against us modern fighters with their new techniques and mixed martial arts. Yeah, they could beat up like the old, like the

Speaker 3 logo for the Notre Dame Fighting Irish. Yes.
A kangaroo could beat that guy up because that's what it's trying to do.

Speaker 3 What was the old game? The fucking

Speaker 3 watch out? Yeah. No, the two things in the middle.
Rock and soft and soft.

Speaker 3 Robots. Yes, yes.
That's exactly what a kangaroo.

Speaker 5 This is even a life-size version of Damon Buster's.

Speaker 3 Whoa. Oh, my God.
We got to go. Holy shit.
I would simply jiu-jitsu the kangaroo to death. Yeah.
I would leg sweep it, then I would use a little Steven Seagal karate,

Speaker 3 and I would put it to sleep, and then I'd kill it. Actually, you know what I would do? Kangaroos are so big.

Speaker 3 Yeah, but give me a size check. Not all of them.
Size check it. You're thinking of that swole kangaroo that's very close.
Bob Bafford swollen. You're thinking about the movie of what is it called?

Speaker 3 Kangaroo

Speaker 3 Jack. When I was like 15, Terry O'Connell.
Yeah, great film. When I was 15, I went to visit my brother in Australia who was studying abroad, and I was like, oh, I'm going to pet a kangaroo.

Speaker 3 They're everywhere. We saw them.
We're in the hotel. They're literally in the parking lot.
I'm 15. And I'm like, all right, I'm going to pet one.
Like, whatever.

Speaker 3 They're literally everywhere, like squirrels. And once you see them in person, you realize how fucking big they are.

Speaker 3 And then all they have to do is just jump up and kick you in the chest and you're dead. It sounds

Speaker 3 different from your fantasy of catching a fish with your bare hands. When once you actually confront the wildlife, you'll chicken out again.
Hank, if a kangaroo's...

Speaker 3 If I had to pet it, I would have. Let me ask you a question.
If a kangaroo went to kick you in the chest and you grabbed his leg, what does he do then? His legs are so powerful.

Speaker 3 What does he do then if you grab his leg?

Speaker 5 He kicks out of it.

Speaker 3 You know what I would do? Yeah, I would jump in his fucking pouch and punch uppercut him from underneath. From inside of him.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Just like be sitting in his pouch, punching his abs, body shot him to death.

Speaker 3 Or what you do, you just run around behind him real quick, grab his tail, and then you start swinging him in a circle by his tail. Yeah, just

Speaker 3 dizzy and then like the discus. Do you think that kangaroos would come back like a boomerang? Like if you screwed it, you'd go like 20 feet and turn around in the air.

Speaker 3 Probably.

Speaker 5 A large male can be six foot seven and weigh up to 200 pounds.

Speaker 3 Well, I could take a kangaroo.

Speaker 3 I weigh more.

Speaker 3 And height, yeah, he's a little bit taller, but he wouldn't stand up straight. But he's too skinny.
I still feel like that.

Speaker 3 I got the weight.

Speaker 3 And I probably got the reach.

Speaker 3 Their arms aren't. They don't have good wingspans.
No, they're like T-Rex's. Right.
So I got reach and weight. Easy.
All right. Next up is a wolf.

Speaker 3 I think that's just too adjacent to a dog. It's very similar to a dog, but I think I could take it.
I don't know. They cut to black in the last scene of The Gray with Lee Nisa.

Speaker 3 You were going to beat everyone.

Speaker 3 A wolf? I think I could beat a wolf. Here's the technique.
You want to know the technique? Yeah. You just, you wrap your arm, you take off your shirt because you're allowed to have clothes on, right?

Speaker 3 Yeah. You take off your shirt, you wrap your shirt around your arm, then you hold your arm out in front of the wolf.
It bites onto your arm, it latches on, then you just kick it in the balls.

Speaker 3 No, you just grab its, you grab its windpipe and snap it. Just with your fingers? Yep.
Just like that. Done.
Do you think that wolves are too trusting?

Speaker 3 Where you could like lure a wolf in and like you would a dog and like let it smell the back of your hand? Remember, uh, what was the book? Iron Will, no, Iron Will, no, wow, White Fang, White Fang.

Speaker 3 You could also,

Speaker 3 with a wolf, grab it by the scruff of its neck, and then it doesn't get like basically hypnotized at the point. That's true.
It thinks that you're its mom. Who wrote White Fang? Was it Gary Paulson?

Speaker 3 Jack London, I think. Jack London.

Speaker 3 I was a big Gary Paulson guy. The hatchet.
Jack London, yeah. Jack London.
The wild, too, right?

Speaker 3 All right, so the next up is, I mean, this is, people are going to now say that this is ridiculous.

Speaker 3 Crocodile is 10%. I think they could beat a crocodile, male, 8% women.

Speaker 3 I actually think I'd have more trouble with the Cobra than I would a crocodile. Right, it's at foot level, so it's perfect kicking hunt.
I would just sprint directly at the crocodile and kick it.

Speaker 3 I would just run around it to its back and then just fucking get him from behind. He can't move laterally.
Right. Like I

Speaker 3 if you're telling me I'm swimming, yes, a crocodile would beat me in the pool. Easily.
Drag me under the death roll. But we're just out on the fucking lawn.
Yep.

Speaker 3 I'm just like, hey, crocodile, I just do a big roundabout run. He slowly tries to move.
I hop on its back. And then, again, windpipe trick.
Done. Also, crocodiles are stupid as shit.

Speaker 3 They're basically dinosaurs. They've got a tiny little brain.
I think it's actually easier than all this.

Speaker 3 You see a crocodile, you run directly at it, you simply jump over its head and land with a double-legged foot smash right on its back. They don't, a crocodile can't like raise up on its hind legs.

Speaker 3 You just jump over its mouth, smash its neck, smash its back, just like with your feet. You just land on them like a surfboard.
Yeah. It's very easy to defeat a crocodile.
Yes. Easy, easy, easy.

Speaker 5 Happy Gilmore took down an alligator.

Speaker 3 To get his ball. Yeah, that's true.
Exactly. All right, last three are grizzly bear.
I'll give a grizzly bear. I'll say the grizzly bear will win.
Yeah, easily. Lion would win.

Speaker 3 Elephant,

Speaker 3 I have some questions. Well, so it's interesting.
Let's not skip over the lion just yet.

Speaker 3 No, a lion would beat you up. No, because this one's interesting.
This is the only one where a higher percentage of women than men said that they could defeat the animal.

Speaker 3 Every other one, I think women are more realistic. Right.
You can probably, like, guess by listening to us talk about how we defeat these animals.

Speaker 3 But 8% of women think that they could beat a lion, which, by the way,

Speaker 3 I want to meet the 8% of women that think they could take down a lion. I don't know why that is.
Is it because the female lions are the hunters?

Speaker 3 No, I think it really is just dudes filling out this survey.

Speaker 3 Most dudes are doing it like we're doing it, and they're like, well, I got to give one animal a win. And they all went to lion.
Yeah, right. So it really should be 9% male, 8% female.

Speaker 3 Or it probably is just based on the most recent animated movie that they've watched featuring any of these animals. Right, right.

Speaker 3 All right, so elephant.

Speaker 3 If you, is elephant, like, if elephant falls down, can he get back up?

Speaker 3 I don't know.

Speaker 3 Yeah, they sleep. You sure? They sleep on the back.
What about on their back?

Speaker 3 What about on their back? Like, what if I turtle an elephant? You couldn't push one over. I'm not asking you to push one over.
I'm saying, what if I turtle an elephant?

Speaker 3 Just answer that question first. You could not turtle an elephant.

Speaker 3 Answer the question of how first. Okay.
I'd grab his fucking tail and I'd pull on it. That would hurt.
It would be annoying. It would probably kick.
I think that...

Speaker 3 It would kick you like 30 feet. No, no.

Speaker 3 I think elephants are another case of an animal being so smart that you can trick it. Yeah.
So you could probably get an elephant really dizzy just by running in circles around it.

Speaker 3 Or you could make it fall in love with you, probably. Yeah, probably.

Speaker 3 I'm going to say elephant 50-50 shot.

Speaker 3 I think that's fair. It might be a bit ambitious.

Speaker 3 What if you just went up and just took a bite out of the elephant? If you started just eating it?

Speaker 3 I think the best technique would actually be to pretend that you're a baby elephant and just like go try to get some milk. And elephants are so nice.

Speaker 3 I've actually seen videos of elephants raising other animals. They might try to raise you, and then boom, it's Oedipus effect.
You can kill it super easy later. Now, this might be like cartoon brain.

Speaker 3 This might be cartoon brain. What if you tied the elephant's snout? What do you call it? Trunk? Trunk? In a bow.

Speaker 3 Yeah, or just, yeah, not. Would you just blow up? You knotted it up? Yeah, if you couldn't breathe.
What about his mouth?

Speaker 3 I think eventually it gets shrimp. It might have asshole.
I forgot about the mouth. It might have ass moved.

Speaker 3 Could you feed it a rock? Could you paint a rock to make it look... What do elephants eat? Do they eat anything that looks like rocks?

Speaker 3 Because this is my main strategy here.

Speaker 3 What do elephants eat? Water?

Speaker 5 Roots, grasses, fruit, and bark. They're vegetables.
They can eat up to 300 pounds of food in a day.

Speaker 3 Holy shit. What if I just wheeled out an old-timey piano and then the elephant died of heartbreak? Because he's like, oh, that was my mother.
That's not a bad idea.

Speaker 3 That's my 50-50 shot. Just ivory? Yes.
Display ivory for? Yes. Like, hey, check this out, elephant.

Speaker 3 I think, honestly, your best technique, I would probably go for something with the trunk as well. Yeah.
And if that didn't work, just submit and hope that the elephant didn't kill me.

Speaker 3 Have mercy on me.

Speaker 3 All right. Well, I would like to hear what

Speaker 3 maybe we'll put up a couple polls tomorrow. Get a little discussion going.
Ooh, big goal for the Panthers. What about the gorilla? Oh, the gorilla would kill us, dude.
The gorilla is the mightiest.

Speaker 3 It's got thumbs, too. And it's, yeah, no, the gorilla would fuck you up.
Didn't kill that kid.

Speaker 3 Why you got to bring that up? Sweet prince, dude.

Speaker 3 Way to end the show too soon. All right, let's do numbers.
We'll do polls. Eight.
Give me eight again. Oh, wait, it's not in there.
45. 99.
94.

Speaker 3 67. Can anyone go back to back? 94, 94.
Wait, did someone go back to back?

Speaker 3 You. Oh, yeah, I did, but it didn't actually.
What is that? 25. Okay.

Speaker 5 Jake. Third timer.

Speaker 3 Just give us the journalists.

Speaker 5 According to the National Association of Printing and Ink Manufacturers, most newspapers use inks compromised of soybean oil and various pigments and waxes.

Speaker 3 That's what your newspaper ink is. Soybean oil.
Oh, love it. Okay.
Love you guys.

Speaker 3 what

Speaker 3 to say, I'm saving anyway.

Speaker 3 Today isn't my day to find you, shining away.

Speaker 3 Oh, I'll be coming for your love of day.

Speaker 3 Take on me.

Speaker 3 I'll be

Speaker 3 young.

Speaker 3 I bought the sentence

Speaker 3 about me somewhere a little way.

Speaker 3 Slowly learning what life is okay.

Speaker 3 Say after me.

Speaker 3 Life's so better to be safe than sorry. Drink

Speaker 3 on

Speaker 3 the drink.

Speaker 3 Drink on me.

Speaker 3 How drink will let me save

Speaker 3 every little I love.

Speaker 3 Just a play that memories away.

Speaker 3 You're all things I've got to remember. Be shy and away.

Speaker 3 I'm all going for you anyway.

Speaker 3 Take

Speaker 3 on

Speaker 3 me.

Speaker 3 Take on me. Take

Speaker 3 me.

Speaker 3 Take on me. I'll do it.

Speaker 3 Take on me.

Speaker 3 on

Speaker 3 me,

Speaker 3 drink on me,

Speaker 3 be

Speaker 3 your

Speaker 3 drink only.