FBI agent Joe Pistone (Donnie Brasco), Russ Wilson Wants A Trade, Maybe And We Have Some More Investment Ideas

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
On today's Pardon My Take, we have a very special guest. It is Donnie Brasco, the real Donnie Brasco, Joe Pistone.
If you don't know the story, if you haven't seen the movie, Joe Pistone went undercover in the New York Mafia in a crime family for five years in the late 70s, early 80s. Ended up like 200 indictments just based on his investigation.
He lived the life. He's in witness protection still.
Fascinating interview, something a little different. So make sure you listen to that.
We also have Russell Wilson maybe demanding a trade, but also not. It's very weird.
Russell Wilson Day, Deshaun Watson adamantly demanding a trade fire fest of the week Hank has a new idea to get us rich which I think he's gonna share yeah are you gonna share fuck yeah you're gonna share packed Friday show ever had one of those days when it's just too cold to keep working nah neither has Ariat Ariat work jackets and boots are packed the cold-stopping waterproof protection you need to get the job done under any conditions

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Okay, let's go.

Bye!

Bye! Welcome to part of my take presented by Verizon 5G. Today is Friday, February 26th, PFT, your mind, it's your greatest weapon.
Agreed. Always persevere, always have a great perspective, and always have a great purpose in your life.
Agreed. Even though we to play today we always win fact winning is the only option hashtag grateful the best is ahead also fact cross training made easier with my hashtag bows frame team bows hashtag bows also correct these are the quotes i will live by if russell wilson becomes a bear there you There you go.
Your mind is your greatest weapon? Your mind is your greatest weapon. What about my ass? Nope, your mind.
Okay, all right. Your mind is your greatest...
Russell Wilson has demanded kind of the most passive-aggressive trade request in the history of sports. Well, it's kind of like he's entering the transfer portal.
It's not really a full demand. He says,

I'm not requesting a trade unless

it's to a team that I would want to be

traded to. Do you know what he's asking? He's basically

in a marriage and he's asking for a hall

pass and then he listed like six different women

that he would like to have sex. Like, hey, actually, our

neighbor is a hall pass. Yeah, right.

It's not Jennifer Aniston. It's

Bethany who lives next door. Yeah, it's your friend

from the PTA. Right.
She'd be on my list. Hall pass.
Yeah, you toss in a couple like Scarlett Johansson's on there, Halle Berry, your mom, and then we'll go with Megan Fox. Okay.
So he has said to the Seahawks he doesn't want to be traded, but if they were to trade him, hypothetically speaking, he would want to go to one of four teams, the Raiders, the Bears, the Saints, and the Jets. No, the Dolphins.
The Dolphins, not the Jets. I've seen the Jets as well for some reason.
Okay, not the Jets. Just the fact that Russell Wilson has put the Bears in this list is maybe the biggest win the Bears have had in a while.
It's huge. Six or seven years.
Actually, our friend Robert Mays had a tweet that sums up the Bears perfectly. He listed the best Bears of all time, QBs.
Number one, Sid Luckman. Number two, Jay Cutler.
Number three, Eric Kramer. Number four, Russell Wilson saying he'd play for the Bears.
I put him at five. I put Sexy Rexy ahead of him, the original RG3.
Yes. And now this is something that J.J.
Watt I don't think would ever do.

Something like what Russ is pulling.

J.J. Watt would demand a trade.

He would demand his release so that he wouldn't become a burden on the team

and he could go out and not be a distraction to the locker room.

Russell Wilson on the other hand.

Totally wouldn't milk his free agency, period.

You can't sell Mr. Unlimited without me.
The league year hasn't started, Hank. What, do you want him to tamper? No.
You want J.J. Ward? Listen, if Russell Wilson somehow, someway...
Now, let me take a step back. Real quick.
Let me just say, though, that if you went to the Bears, something terrible would happen. Of course.
Of course. But I still would love to have that terrible thing happen

for the day that he signed for me to be that excited.

You know what?

It's a future me problem.

Big Cat, an offseason where Russell Wilson is your quarterback

would be the best period of time in Bears history ever.

Right, exactly.

It would be incredible.

I think that he threw the Bears in here because he was like,

okay, I want to go to the Saints because Sean Payton.

I want to go to the Dolphins because I want to live in Miami. I want to go to the Raiders because I want to live in Las Vegas.
I want to go to Chicago because there's a chance that Ryan Pace will pay me $700 million. And so that is where the Bears, you know, and guess what? I don't think Russell Wilson is worth $700 million, but I also- Never got an MVP vote.
I would love to just have a competent quarterback, and that would be a very fun experience. I think that he threw the Bears in there as kind of throwing a bone for the Seahawks, because he knows that if the Bears are in the discussion, his trade value goes up.
And so that means that other teams would be able to give a little bit more money. I think he said Dallas, too.
It's basically all cities that Sierra would want to live in. Yes.
Where is a little bit sunnier? Where can you be outdoors for eight months of the year? All I'm going to say is that if Russell Wilson somehow, someway becomes a bear, I will buy into, I might actually, I might just become the most religious person in the world. Or just become unlimited.
Yeah, just praise Jesus every single day. Like, I will tweet about the corniest sayings.

Everything.

I'll be a Mr. Unlimited.

I'll do post-game videos in black and white to Kobe.

Thinking about Kobe when Russell Wilson plays for the Bears.

The Bears beat the Lions in week three.

That was for Kobe.

You and Russell do have similar fashion senses.

Lion shirts.

Lion shirts.

Jeans.

Jeans.

You're both dads. Dads, yep.
Then that's really where it stops. You both drink water sometimes.
Sometimes. Yeah, I'm ready.
I'm ready to get hurt. I'm ready to just, this is, you know what though? I don't really care.
Just the fact that he mentioned it, it is really like, it could be a total throw in, but he put us in the sentence that said that he would consider being a Chicago, and I'm like, all right, great, someone wants us. That's cool.
I don't think he's going to go anywhere. No, no.
I think he's going to stay in Seattle, but it's nice to dream. His biggest qualm with the organization appears to be like, oh, I didn't realize that playing in the NFL, that my coach would have his sons also on the staff, and they wouldn't be held to the same standard.
It's like, you you play in the nfl right like that's kind of signing that's part of what you're signing up for it's like you're going to be busy most sundays and your coach is going to have a couple of his shithead sons running around fucking everything up and so the the other story that came out about russell wilson was that he apparently uh stormed out of a meeting before the thursday night football game against the Cardinals because he was basically giving a presentation on how the offense could be fixed, which that was probably the lamest. Well, let me do two things.
If he's not a bear, that was the lamest presentation ever where Russell Wilson was like, I want to throw the ball 75 times a game. Let me be Mr.
Unlimited. Now, Bear Russell Wilson, how do the Seahawks not listen to Russell Wilson, their franchise quarterback? Shame on them.
If he came to Chicago, Matt Nagy would listen to everything he says. It's great leadership.
That's exactly what you want out of your signal caller. You want a guy that's not afraid to coach his coaches up.
But I just, I mean, every time I read a story like this,

why couldn't I fucking known about this before I bet on that game?

Which one?

Russell Wilson storming out like it's the Mike McCarthy watermelons again.

I'm sick of reading stories in February where I can actually point to it

and be like, oh, yeah, lost that bet.

That makes sense.

Can we all stop for a second, though, and just imagine Russell Wilson in Las Vegas?

What a waste of real estate that would be for him. He would probably try to have a magic show on the strip.
Yeah, probably. He'd be front row at the Celine Dion.
Like a Joel Osteen show. Yeah.
Oh, I could totally see that. Yeah, hey, Dave Copperfield.
I was thinking we had this great idea for a magic show that removes all the satanic imagery, though. Yes.
So basically card tricks. Yeah, I could absolutely see Russell Wilson doing that.
So it's wild to think that Stafford obviously already got traded. Dak is still up in the air.
Russell Wilson, passive-aggressive trade request. Deshaun.
Deshaun. Apparently not getting traded.
Jack Easterby. You don't want to fuck with Jack Easterby.
Well, that's a man that has read. He lives out of the deal every single day, apparently not getting traded, but also apparently refusing to play for the Texans.
Yeah. Like, so the story came out that he met with the new coach for the Texans, uh, Cully.
Yep. That one's going to be that.
We're going to have to remind ourselves of that Cully. And then I'm having a hard time remembering Sirianni.
Yep, Sirianni and Cully. So they had a meeting on Friday night, and Deshaun Watson was like, absolutely not, not playing for the team.
Sorry, just not going to happen. Yeah.
So it is a game of chicken. Deshaun, just get fat.
I would love to see a player just be like, I truly hate them so much. I will retire.
Yeah. I mean, if any franchise is able to do that to a person, it would be the Houston Texans.
Just get Fat Deshaun. I don't know if that would actually change things because you say that you're not going to play.
They say that they're not going to trade you. But it would make my life a lot more fun if every time I saw a picture of Fat Deshaun, I got to giggle at it.
Yeah. Eat your way out of town.
Then there's J.J. Watt, who's also doing his also doing his free agency tour oh and we have sticking on quarterbacks big ben is is officially officially back which is the best thing ever i mean that that on a tear to my eyes one more one more fucking you know trip around the sun the last dance big ben version uh drew breeze is apparently not like he is retiring but he hasn't said it yet makes no sense.
But he's going to be in the booth next year, right? But he hasn't said that he's retiring. He's retiring.
I'm putting Drew Brees out to pasture. What people are saying now is, why has Drew Brees not retired? I don't have a good answer for that, but I'm putting it out to pasture.
I was going to make a joke that I'm not going to make because I'm not going to make the joke. About his ribs? No.
What was it about? It was going to be something along the lines of he's probably still at the golf course waiting for Tiger. Okay.
Thank you for not making that joke. You can't make that joke.
You can't make that joke. You can't make that joke.
You cannot make that joke, so I didn't make the joke. Drew Brees.
Thank God. We all agree I did not make that joke.
Thank God you didn't. But Drew Brees is also one of the quarterbacks that had his legs broken in those rumors.
Yes, right. That we talked about.
Right, exactly. Big Ben, so yes, he's coming back.
He's going to just basically loan money to the Steelers because the Steelers, they don't want to pay him because he's frankly not worth anything right now. Big Ben doesn't want to take money from the Steelers because he knows.
So how is that going to work? I think that Big Ben should start up his own TB12 method, the BB7 method, which is really the way that people always say, Tom Brady, well, your wife is a supermodel. She brings in hundreds of millions of dollars.
It does make it easier for him to get paid less, but we also speculate that Tom Brady has that side cash coming in from the TB12 method. The BB7 method, the Big Ben 7 method could be the answer to the Steelers cap hell problems where he starts selling like used medical equipment on eBay and gas station boner pills and chloroform.
Passwords to browsers. Yes.
Yeah. He's not using them, guys.
Yeah. Free password.
Yeah. So and then what other news we have? Well, NBA All-Star team was announced.
Is anyone excited for the NBA All-Star game? I feel like it's the weirdest event. I don't even think that the players are excited for it.
I was just happy that Zach Levine got the credit because I'm all in on Zach Levine. He's been phenomenal.
What? His dad is electric, too. Yes.
Yes. They, like, had the video where they were surprised him, and his dad was like, you ready for—or Zach Levine was like, you ready for Atlanta? And the dad was just like, are there casinos? Yeah.
That was the only question. Well, Zach Levine had a quote a couple weeks ago where it was like, the only two people I'm afraid of are God and my dad.
And then if you've seen a—have you seen a picture of his dad? Yeah. His dad is a not-to-be-fucked-with type of of guy.
But yeah, the All-Star game, I don't... NBA just needs to bring back the dunk contest.
It's very simple. Just bring it back with the best players.
Yes, I agree. The dunk contest can solve everything.
And then college basketball, we had a great Roy Williams quote last night, even though he shouldn't have. So they scheduled Marquette for an extra game, something Duke would never do because Duke is scared.
They lost to Marquette. Bad loss.
Terrible loss. He basically said, this sucks.
Y'all, when I schedule these games, I don't know what we're going to lose. If we won the game, you'd say, why did you schedule Marquette? Yeah.
Daggum it. I'm going to schedule Marquette.
And if we win, then you are sitting up here saying you're starting to schedule. If I lose the dadgum game, then you guys are telling me why I schedule Marquette for.
So, y'all, I can't win with y'all, and then it storms out. That was Jerry Jones, Roy Williams, and Patrick Mahomes all together.
Yeah, I mean, that's pretty good. That averages out to Roy Williams, so I'm okay with that.
And all you haters out there that told me I was an idiot when I said Roy Williams is a better coach than Coach K, he doesn't get the shine, this is just another market in my favor on this. But hold on.
What's going to happen here and why I just said this sucks is there's now a world where Duke's going to make the tournament this year and UNC isn't. I don't care.
I don't care. Okay.
It's going to suck because I actually – What's Duke's remaining schedule? I mean, the ACC is not very good this year. They might go in a top four seed.
Do you think... Hank has a point.
What? Because they just announced that there are going to be replacement teams with COVID. The first four teams out are going to be on standby.
Oh, that's such blue balls. God forbid Gonzaga, Baylor, Michigan have COVID outbreak.
Duke replaces them as the one seed. That's what's going to happen.
They're not going to shift around. What the fuck? Duke could also be a 16 seed.
Yeah, that would be awesome to see that. Pounded by Gonzaga.
Isn't this again, for like the second time, exactly what happened in Harry Potter, the Goblet of Fire, where they added another team in just to make sure that the ratings went up? That's true. RIP Cedric.
What up? Yeah. That's a fantastic reference, PFT.
I had no idea you had that in you. Thank you.
Well, it happened with Zion, with the Pelicans. And now they're doing it with another Duke squad.
Cedric. Got the fucking line to that deal.
I've been saying that for years. Duke has Louisville, and they just left them.
Georgia Tech, UNC. All tournament caliber teams.
Yeah, Georgia Tech will actually be their toughest game. I didn't just access something that I forgot about since I was like 12 years old.
Just the Stones. Duke Georgia Tech, I actually referenced this on my pod last night.
Shout out the pod. Duke Georgia Tech.
Benchmob. Duke Georgia Tech would be me a very well.
Oh, Hank. That's not a good ride to review.
Oh, yeah. I forgot that.
Interesting one. Duke Georgia Tech Tuesday could very well be a Loser Leaves Town game.
Yes, that would be Loser. I give you guys credit, though, but that is a Loser Leaves Town game.
Loser Leaves Town. We didn't come up with Loser Leaves Town.
No, we didn't. I still credit you guys.
Wrestling and everything. No, credit you guys.
Okay. All right.
I thought you did it. Sorry.
Yeah. So, yeah.
So, Duke, they're going to make the tournament. I just know they will.
Of course. If they make the tournament, you've got to get a cat, Hank.
No. Why? You guys have to get a cat.
All right. How about this, Hank? What if Duke makes the tournament as one of those replacement COVID teams, and then they end up losing? If Duke wins the championship, you guys should get a cat.
Okay, yeah. If Duke wins the championship, I'll get a cat.
Yep.

Done. And if Duke...

Well, you have to have a cat. It'll be an outdoor cat.

If they make it to the championship and lose...

No! Final Four.

No! Sweet 16.

Sweet 16 and lose. No, because if they get a one seed,

it'll be a walk-in to the Final Four.

But that's a risk. You have to put

something in this. Yeah, if they make it to the

championship and lose. No, no, no, no, no.

No. It's gotta be...
Come on.

It's the same bet for both Thank you. a risk.
You have to put something in this. Yeah, if they make it to the championship and lose.
No, no, no, no, no.

It's got to be... Come on.

It's the same bet for both of us.

Final four. No, I think Elite Eight.

I think if they get to the Elite Eight and lose,

you have to get a cat.

If they lose in the Sweet 16, no cat.

No cat.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What's on it?

No, final four. I think final four.
If they get to the final four, you four you have to get a cap If they win the title we have to get a cap Alright alright One cap between us Yes we'll split it in half It can be a barn cat There's actually a new litter of barn cats Oh god damn it Billy are you going to get the What was the riboplasma? Toxoplasmosis.

That was a wild time, right? Yeah. Didn't you suggest getting toxoplasmosis to attack the COVID cells? Yeah, no, no.
It was more that a bunch of people with motorcycle accidents have toxoplasmosis because they have no fear. By the way, we should just...
For the people who are listening and not watching, Billy has the most unwrinkled or wrinkled

pants By the way, we should just, for the people who are listening and not watching, Billy has the most unwrinkled or wrinkled pants of all time.

It looks like his legs are in two scrotums.

I just want you to listen to it and know that's what he's doing.

Yeah, Chipotle wrappers, as Ken Jack put out there.

Not all of us have advanced laundry techniques.

Billy, you have a dryer.

I support you, Billy. What do you mean by advanced laundry techniques? Do you mean a dryer? An iron? An iron? If I didn't support you, Billy, I would say I also don't have an iron, but I've never let my pants get to that point.
But I do support you, and I'm with you on this journey. I actually think you balled them up, and you put them under your mattress.
You've been sleeping on them for six months. I have a solid laundry apparatus technique thing I do where I actually do have a washer and a dryer.
I know what he's going to say. What? Because you're 21.
Are you 22 yet? I'm 22. You're going to always be 21.
Listen, this is actually the relatable part, Billy. I'm going to have your back here.
Thank you. You do your laundry.
You wash it, and you put it in the dryer, and then instead of doing the extra step of folding everything and putting it away, you just take your clothes from the dryer all week. Yeah.
It's great. That's actually an efficient system.
And then you put it in the washing machine right when you take it off for the shower. Right.
Yep. So you basically, you don't need a closet.
Exactly. You just have your washer in the closet.
Can I give I give you a life hack? So here's a great way to just get rid of wrinkles. You just take like one sock or one shirt and you wet it down and then you put it in the dryer with the other thing you want to dry.
And then the steam while it's in the dryer, it gets rid of the wrinkles. How long? I don't know, like 10 minutes.
So do it while I shower? Yeah, perfect. That's actually, that's actually huge.
Or you hang the pants up in the shower. I'm a guy that knows how to take care of some big wrinkly pants.
You just hang it up in there with you. The steam lets it all fall down.
That's actually huge. Maybe put a towel under the door so you don't let any of the steam out.
Hot box it. Yep.
Yeah, a little steam room in your shower. Oh, I had a little bit of pre-FOMO looking forward to this weekend oh can you guys help me out maybe yeah are we gonna are we not gonna have any gooch this weekend because last weekend we had multiple gooch's what are you oh oh the uh golfer i think the golfer's probably competing taylor gooch yeah and then there was dusty gooch i can't go from two Gooch weekend to zero Gooch weekend.

Yeah, I hope that Taylor Gooch is competing.

I would assume he is.

Yeah.

Right?

He's got to be.

Jake, check that for us.

Hank. Standby.

Brooks did just hit a 35-footer.

He's one off the lead.

Of course he is.

Oh, that's bad.

Wait, that's not Puerto Rico, is it?

Nope.

No.

Other one.

Concession in Bradenton, Florida.

Yeah.

All right, before Hank tells us his genius idea. I don't see Gooch on the leaderboard.
Okay. Well, he's got to be there.
Or he could be at Puerto Rico. He could be at Puerto Rico.
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PFT, what I thought you were going to say about this weekend was, guys, this is how the calendar works. We finally made it.
We're fucking springing ahead. So changing your clocks on Saturday night.
Finally, we're going to get that extra hour of sunlight. There's nothing better than getting to that point where we finally reach it.
We're going to change our clocks on Saturday night, and then boom, it's going to be 6.30 before the sun sets. Well, for me, it's actually been the entire four months because I never change, and so I've always got that to look forward to.
If you've got a car that you drive every day, if you've made it, you drove through the zone, you made it through the zone, that's the most accomplished I ever felt when I was driving my car when i was like you know what i didn't change my clock finally time caught up to me yes you made it don't be late for work on monday uh there's some sprung forward there's something just beautiful about that when you know the first monday after we spring forward which is this saturday so change your clocks two o'clock in the morning is that, is that right? Yeah, 2 a.m. Sunday morning, it becomes 3 a.m.
3 a.m. There's something about that extra hour where you get out of work, and it's like, oh my god, it's still light up.
This is great. It feels great.
If this had lasted one more week, I was going to off myself. Thank god it's back this thank God it's back this week.
Yes. So just a little shout out to everyone.
We're looking out for the AWLs. Billy, we don't want you to be late.
Hank, your genius idea that's going to make us rich. In a week where we have reached great financial independence by buying highlights online, we're just rich now, right? Because of highlights online.
Assets. Theyets.
They're assets. Digital assets.
Crypto punks. This one will require a little more work.
I know you're old, Big Cat PFT. You're getting old.
I'm getting old. So it's someone young that really has the time.
But there is a new sport that's blowing up, and I think we can get it on the ground floor and make a lot of money. This dude, Paul McBeth, today signed a 10-year, $10 million contract extension to play disc golf.
10-year, 10 million? So this guy, he's like, you know, he's the Michael Jordan of disc golf. His first contract was like a year, like 250 grand.
He sold so many fucking discs or whatever, Frisbees. It's called banging chains, bro.
His signature line sold so many. There's such a huge market there.
It's time to do a 10-year, $10 million contract. And it's something I think if we just get our froth on, we can get in and...
Again, banging chains. Bang chains and, you know, make millions.
10 years, 10 million doesn't seem like that much money to me, actually. For fucking disc golf? like kind of a broke boy's fun sport it's i actually really i i aspire to be two things in my life one is a car guy and the other is a frouffer right those are that's if i could envision my perfect self it'd be know how to use a know how to uh like fix a car and have some antique cars and then take my antique car and bang some chains how many times big cat Big Cat, in your life have you been like, I wish I could pursue my Frolf dreams, but I have to make money for my family? Literally every day.
Now you don't have to make a choice. You can just do it.
Do both. Yes.
Okay. In.
So who sponsors them? Discraft. Discraft.
So it's a Frisbee company. Yeah.
Yeah. Okay.
And they're actually, I mean, they're so sick. You wear your little satchel and you got your different froth discs.
You know, like, they're clubs. Yeah, I mean.
You don't just use the same disc. And AWL emailed me this.
His name was Kamen, which I thought was appropriate for a guy that's really on the, you know. He definitely wears Tevas.
The froth scene. Maybe even has a rat tail But still I read the article

I was like

Taken aback

I was like

Wow there's some real money

To be

You know

We're trying to get rich quick

Right

Actually you know what

This is the week

Where it's just like

What should we do

Should we buy like

Bears

Should we buy cards

Or should we buy

Some fucking chains

And start training

Which is what it is

Because it's an outdoor sport

You're always socially distanced

You don't have any friends

It's perfect

I have to correct you Hank

Because if we're going to get in this

We have to buy chains

To set them up

And then we bang them

We bang chains

Thank you. Because it's an outdoor sport.
You're always socially distanced. You don't have any friends.
It's perfect. I have to correct you, Hank, because if we're going to get in this.
We have to buy chains to set them up, and then we bang them. We bang chains.
That's why it sounds cool when you say, you want to go bang some chains, bro. And then you're talking about froth.
Yeah. You have to buy them to set them up, and then you bang them.
Okay. Why do we have to build our own bang chains? No, we don't.
You just go to the course, and you bang some chains. Yeah, I'm not to bang my own chains.
You know, crap where you eat. Come on.
Either way. Do you want me to do my drunk idea too? Should we say that? That wasn't your drunk idea? No, that's an investment.
That's an investment. That's like, let's sit down.
You leave with the strongest idea. That's like, if we were, you know, if the microphones weren't here, I would have sat you guys down in a boardroom and been like, let's do this.
Presentation, the whole thing. This is more of just like, you know, guys at the bar.
All right. We sponsor our professional Frisbee golf.
We make a t-shirt that says bang chains. That would be a good idea.
That'd be great. We actually, Jake, or not Billy.
Jake, can you get someone on that? Bang chains. Bang chains for barstool sports.
Do you bang chains, bro? Do you even bang chains? Yeah, do you even bang bang chains bro do you even bang chains yeah do you even bang chains bro and it's just a fucking frolf going into set up triggs yeah maybe it's a dude throwing a frolf with that rat tail i just talked about uh khaki cargo shorts that are wrinkled baggy green shirt yeah yeah baggy Yeah, baggy green shirt. Teva's a little overweight,

but not too overweight.

Maybe a puka shell.

Maybe a puka shell, and he's throwing a fucking perfect nine iron

right at the chains,

and it says,

do you even bang chains, bro?

Who do you think's winning a chain bang

between this group?

I could frolf.

Probably not me.

I could frolf.

I've thought a lot about frolfing,

so I'd say just my mind is sharper

than everyone's here

when it comes to frolf.

Yeah, the whole, like,

practicing frisbee on the quad thing

was never something I got into,

so I feel like...

I could throw a disc.

I don't know if I say that, but it sounds cool. Alright, now the hozo.
That's what they call it. Horizontal.
Hozo. Get hozo.
Get level with it.

I don't know if I say that, but it sounds cool.

All right.

Now the drunk idea.

Okay.

Wait, hold on.

Wait.

What about.

Flush that out of my brain.

Hanging brain and banging chains.

Yeah. And this guy.

We'll have a whole line.

His dick's out while he's throwing.

We'll have a whole line of these.

All right.

I want that shirt, Jake.

It's chopped.

Do you have tricks?

No, I do not. Fuck.
I got to do everything around here. All right.
Fine. I'm going shirt, Jake.
It's chopped. Do you have tricks? No, I do not.

I can do everything around here.

Fine, I'm going to text him.

You might listen to the show, too.

It's chopped.

Yeah, but I want it now.

I texted him last night and it worked out.

Give me a lewd door dunking a skull.

It's chopped.

I got it.

But for building a bong.

But for booze.

Okay.

Wait, what? You know the show Chopped? Yeah. But for booze.
Okay. Wait.

What?

You know the show Chopped?

Yeah. It's like chest.

Sometimes it's beer.

You get a basket of ingredients, so sometimes it could be food.

Uh-huh.

But that's Chopped.

But for booze.

You're making drinks.

Okay.

So you're making one drink.

Give me an example of what's in my box.

All right.

You got fucking vanilla ice cream.

Okay.

All right.

Grass.

Yep.

Like something disgusting, like some like...

I'm sorry. Give me an example of what's in my box.
All right. You got fucking vanilla ice cream.
Okay. All right.
Grass. Yep.
Like something disgusting, like some spice or something that's really flavorful. Cincinnati chili.
And then, I don't know, shaved ice. Okay.
Asparagus. Okay.
And then you got to make a drink. I have to make a liquor out of that? You have to make a cocktail.
Something that you can serve.

But there's no booze.

Would you have the booze?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

How drunk were you, Hank?

You just forgot the booze.

You just want us to make a salad.

No, no, no.

I did forget the booze. No, I think what happened was Hank was out of booze.

And he was just looking at ingredients in his house.

He was like, how can I get drunk off these things? I was like, do you ferment the asparagus? No, no, no. That's my bad.
That's the concept. You blend it all together and then you toss some whiskey in it and you call it a milkshake.
Boom. But someone else can make a better one.
There's plenty of bartenders in the world. All right, well, let's try it.
We've already had an episode of Top Chef Billy vs PFT let's do it again that'd actually be great let's do it on our Twitch stream let's do it on our YouTube let's do it on our YouTube set it up for let's do it Sunday night when we come in to do the show we'll do a 10 minute choppedminute chop for booze. All right.
Okay. So you're going to get the ingredients.
All right. The box.
All right. The boxes.
Okay. And it should be the main ingredient should be Coors Light or Coors Light.
That's it. Yes.
Okay. Perfect.
And then we'll taste test. Billy will let the meat talk.
Steak should be part of this just so we can watch Billy. I'll take care.
All right. So maybe not Sunday.
We'll do it soon. Soon.
We'll do it on our YouTube channel. Alright, good ideas, Hank.
Thank you. Way to go.
Appreciate it. I mean, what were you saying, Billy? I actually had a drunk idea, too.
Alright, here we go. Let's go.
It is investment week. So, is Peloton our sponsor? Sure.
Let's just pretend that they are. Billy's idea is that there's going to be a Peloton dating app.
How did you? I think you tweeted it out. Yeah, well, all these Peloton people are so obsessed with Peloton.
Everyone's just simping for their instructors. So why don't you just make a dating app for all these dudes who get a whole...
I hope you want better, Billy. I think we've actually passed the people obsessed with Pelotons.
Now it's the people obsessed with people who are obsessed with their Pelotons. So let's get a dating app for them so they can stop complaining about people obsessed with Pelotons.
It's Billy being obsessed with everybody else that's got one. Yeah, because if you knew Olivia Mato, you would not be talking shit about her.
Right, like six months ago, people were talking too much about their Pelotons. Now we just have people talking too much about people who are talking too much about their Pelotons.
So if we get them to date, then everyone will shut the fuck up. Do you guys remember like a year and a half ago when that commercial came out? And like a slightly arguably sexist commercial about Peloton was the biggest problem that we had in the entire world.
That was nice. That was pretty sweet.
That was pretty nice. Getting mad at like some husband buying his wife a $3,000 bike.
Damn. That was a good time.
And now here we are. I missed that.

We're solving all the world. Did you see Mr.
Potato Head?

It's just Potato Head.

What are we going to say?

It's by Fyre Fest.

Forget you didn't hear that.

Let's get to our interview with Donnie Brasco.

Joe Pistone, the real Donnie Brasco.

Fascinating interview.

Infiltrated the New York City

Mafia for like five years. Crazy story.
I'm sure a lot of people have seen the movie, but really, really fascinating interview, something a little different. We're going to get right back to the show.
Auto insurance can all seem the same until it comes time to use it. So don't get stuck paying more for less coverage.
Switch to USA Auto Insurance and you could start saving money in no time.

Get a quote today. Restrictions apply.

USA!

All right, back to part of my take.

Okay, here he is, Joe Pistone, a.k.a. the real Donnie Brasco.

Okay, we now welcome on a very special guest. It is Joe Pistone.

You know him as Donnie Brasco, former FBI agent. I guess you're an FBI agent for life.
If you haven't seen Donnie Brasco, go watch it. First of all, go read the book, Joe's book.
He was undercover in the mob in the New York City mafia for many years and went, you know, 200 indictments. one of the craziest stories out there uh if you don't know it i think everyone does know it but thank you for joining us joe we appreciate it uh got a million questions i guess the first one is where are you right now i'm on the east coast of the u.s oh okay i like.
I like this. All right.
You can't really tell us.

We also have a sunglass off.

What's the weather like where you're at?

Cold.

Cold.

Oh.

I'm wearing shorts right now.

There has been a cold snap throughout the U.S.

Yeah.

It is winter.

Yeah, that's true.

So you also have a podcast that is called Deep Cover. What do you guys talk about in the podcast?

Is it basically stories from back in the day? Yeah. uh deep cover to real donnie brasco and it's on jam street media is our uh production is a production company it's basically uh we we've got 19 episodes in a can and it's basically uh about uh organized crime the mafia my days undercover, stories that weren't told in the movie or in my books regarding my undercover endeavors.
And we're hopefully going to start up second season pretty soon. But I really appreciate you guys having me on.
When I told my grandkids, they were like, no. Come on.
I love it. No guy's going to have you on.
They were like, you guys, I'll tell you what, you guys are, I don't know, you're rock stars. You were made guys.
Yeah. We actually look at you the same way because I don't know about Big Cat, but for me personally, Donnie Brasco was one of my favorite movies growing up.
Loved it. Thank you very much.
It's one that I watch every five years or so, and the story behind it is just endlessly fascinating to me. I guess my first question for you would be, like, when you were growing up, did you actually want to be in the mafia or did you want to be on the justice side of the law? Well, growing up, I always wanted to be a cop.
I always wanted to get into law enforcement, you know, and I grew up in in Patterson, New Jersey. And I don't know if you guys are aware of any any.
Towns are in Jersey, but Patterson was, you know, typical blue clock, blue collar town. And I grew up in an Italian neighborhood.
So there were you know, there were wise guys in the neighborhood. I knew wise guys growing up, went to school with, you know, some of the kids of the wise guys, but their life never attracted me, you know.

And I think I take that back to my upbringing.

You know, my father worked in bars, had bars, was a hardworking guy.

And, you know, although we we knew all the, you know, all the gangsters in the neighborhood, it was always a always, hey, that's not the way you want to go. Because you see the social clubs.
You see the guys. Nobody works.
They're hanging out all day. They got the flash, the cash.
That sounds to me like that actually sounds pretty cool. Yeah.
Like you see a bunch of wise guys hanging out. Flash and cash.
Flash, cash at a social club. Mm-hmm.
That's the Triple Crown. Yeah.
It's cool if you lean that way, you know. But like I said, I had a good upbringing.
And, you know, look, I'm not going to lie to you. You know, growing up, you know, I gambled.
I, you know, shot craps in the streets, went to the racetracks. But it just wasn't something that attracted me.
I always wanted to be a cop, and that's the way I went. So 1976, you go undercover, and it's supposed to be only a six-month operation.
But you takes six months right before you even get introduced to uh like guys in the mafia that you can start doing some undercover investigation for what was that process like what was that six months trying to get known and have people be like oh this guy's just a guy around the streets we see him we know him he's not just a random guy who just showed up yeah Yeah, well, I had just come off a year and a half undercover operation where I had infiltrated a gang of thieves that were stealing high-priced automobiles. In other words, you came to us and said, hey, I want a Mercedes-Benz.
Well, we take your order. And then at night, we go out to the Mercedes dealership and hook the car.
So I did that for a year and a half. I get back to New York and my supervisor was an old time New Yorker who had done undercover in his day, Guy Barada.
And he had this idea of an undercover operation. And the initial, all undercover operations are funded for six months.
And then every six months you have to renew them. So that's why it was, you know, a six, six month deal.
And the idea was to see if I can infiltrate fences. You guys know what fences are, right? Guys that broke or stolen, stolen commodities, commodities goods swag and uh the idea was to uh and you have to have a profession because nobody you know nobody's going to deal with you if you don't have a profession and uh so my profession was i was a jewel thief and the reason being is that you could do jobs without you know know, you don't need a gang to go do jobs.
I can bring, I can bring diamonds, precious gems around. So I went to school, learned all about diamonds, precious gems, learned about locks, alarms, safes, whatever.
And then the idea was we had certain restaurants and bars targeted that we knew that these guys hung out in and the idea was to go in and and hang out and hopefully get into conversation well if you know anything about the mob you don't just walk in and say hey I'm Donnie Brasco I'm a jewel thief I want to hook up with you guys it doesn't work that way so it took me about six months going into these different places, just hanging out, getting something to eat, having a Heineken. And then finally, I got into conversation with a bartender who was hooked into the mob.
And that's how I, that's how I, my actual first initiation was with these guys was there was bartender that was but was a guy that was hooked up with the Lucchese mafia family out of New York. So in the movie, you get introduced, I guess it's to lefty.
You help him out by spotting a fugazi, a fake dime. How do you tell if a diamond is fugazi? Well, back then in a day when I was pretty good at it, I had the, you know, I had the glass and you look and you see, if you see scratches, you look at the, you look at the color, you know, and can you really, if it's really a bad fake, then you can tell, but this one,'t look really great, and I just took a shot that, hey, it's a figazi.
And it was. So not to glamorize guys in the mafia, because obviously they are criminals, but did you have fun? Was it fun when you were hanging out with the guys? I imagine it was fun at times, where're like, this is actually like we're hanging out.
We're bussing balls. We're having a good time watching sports, playing pool, whatever it may be.
Were there times when you almost had to remind yourself like, hey, you're a cop, like you're not supposed to be having fun? Yeah, well, you know, you have to remember you're dealing with human beings. So even though they're stone cold killers, you know, somebody's got a good side to them.

You know, they they they got kids, you know, they got wives, they got gumadas. They got kids that that are OK.
Some of them got kids that are a pain in the ass like everybody else's kids. uh so some of them you know some of them are jokesters when I mean by jokesters you know

they're natural comedians. Some of them are just stone cold.
So yeah, you know, during the day when you're not doing anything, you know, you're hanging around the social club, you know, playing gin, BSing. guys are cracking jokes guys are talking politics guys are talking whatever and not that they're experts in anything but you know that they're new normal people that way so yeah you know you do sometimes you do you know you could bitch around with the guys you have to because you have to you have to fit in with

them right yeah did you ever did you ever forget that your name wasn't donnie like if somebody

called out for someone else like hey joey did you ever turn your head no actually i never did

i'll be honest with you uh and uh that's my middle name and that's why i took it you know

uh but uh i was used to it and the funny thing that the operation I had just come off I used the same name so I was you know for a year and a half I was used to being Donnie Brasco yeah what was the closest you ever got to to getting caught to having your your cover blown obviously we see it in the movie but was was that true to form that know, someone that you had worked with in the FBI had seen you and didn't know that you were undercover? Well, there were a couple of ones. You're talking about in the movie with the lawyer in the airport.
Yeah. That happened.
He kept calling, calling. We were walking toward each other, and I was with Sonny Black,

who was my capo in the Bonanno family.

And when he got out close, I just clocked him because I didn't want him to keep,

you know, calling me and everything. And, you know, Sonny says, Donnie,

what did you do? I said, Sonny, Sonny, do you see what the guy did? Can you say anything on here? Yeah, you say anything. I said he grabbed my prick.
I got to clock him. And we kept going.
You saw the boat. You saw the movie.
Well, that was an FBI boat. And that boat was boat was used in app scam i don't know if you guys ever heard of the big app scan investigation the undercover operation the fbi had against uh uh politicians and uh of course that was never to be surfaced uh and uh the news media found out about the operation and they wouldn't squelch the they wouldn't squelch it.
From printing it. So when that came out in the paper, we were on that boat.
I took the wise guys on that boat for a fishing trip. And I was with Left lefty one time uh we were on an airplane and uh the picture of that boat was called the left hand it was on the front cover i think of newsweek or time and he looks at it and he looks at me and he said donnie you know this boat I said, no.
I said, I that boat and it's you know big picture of it big picture the left hand and he said uh we were on that boat i said no we were never on that boat left he said yes we were i said how do you know he said what's my, lefty. He said, what's the name of this boat?

The left hand. I see.
He said, you think I can forget that? So a few months before he and I had been out in California and we were having dinner and there were two ladies there. and he sent them over dinner.

He said to the waiter, you know,

send them over dinner. He said to the waiter, you know, send them over dinner and drinks, whatever they want.
And then when they were leaving, we got into a conversation and I told him, I said, left. Remember those two ladies.
Yeah. I said, you know, one of them gave me a, gave me a card and she said, if you guys are ever in Miami and you want to go out on the boat, this is my brother's boat.
I said, I said, what the hell do I know? That's how we got, you know, that's how I got in touch with him. So i skated on that one but he you know he was he always brought it up to me but you know i had been with him a few years now so you know he kind of bought the story but that was a that was uh probably the closest yeah so when you get revealed or when the operation is over and they arrest everyone, did you I would imagine deep down you were like you kind of wanted to reach out to some of these guys and be like, because there's an emotional bond that you make over these years.
How hard was that to deal with? Because they're criminals, but you also know them on a personal level and you've been living, you know, with them, being friends with them for multiple years at this point i had no no problem with these guys getting arrested going to jail i didn't want to reach out to any of them after uh that's just the way i operated in all my undercover endeavors is that uh look you chose to be a gangster i chose to to be in law enforcement. I'm coming after you.
And once it's over, then I leave. I never, the only, the only way I would talk to anybody after if they wanted to talk to me, I, you know, I didn't want to put the cuffs on anybody.
I had no problem. You're going to jail.
Now, obviously, I didn't want to see guys get killed. You know, like I said, they killed Tony Mira.
They killed Sonny Black, Napolitano, because he was my captain. And they killed another guy.
Rogerio was due to get killed, but the Bureau heard about it. They picked it up on a wire and they grabbed him while he was on his way to get killed.
But as far as feeling sorry for these guys, no. You know, that's just the way I feel.
Yeah. That's also probably the Hollywood aspect.
You know, in the actual movie, Donnie Brasco, they definitely make Al Pacino a sympathetic character and kind of a sad character that you feel bad for at the end I was told the reason why is because uh they had to make me look like a good guy because I was a bad guy work you know during the undercover operation for you operation for being with these guys. So they had to make it like I had sympathy for these guys.
I don't know. That's the way Hollywood operates.
Yeah. Is there anything that you weren't allowed to do? Like if they had asked you to participate in like the most grisly crime that you can imagine and you were in a car with these guys, like is there something that you could not have gotten out of had you gone along for the ride?

Well, let me say this.

The rule in undercover is you can't get involved in crimes of violence.

Okay?

That's the rule.

However, there's an undercover rule.

Thank you. All right.
Example, I was given a contract to kill somebody. All right.
Example, I was I was given a contract to kill somebody. All right.
You saw the movie, the three guys that got whacked in the basement. Well, one of it was supposed to be four guys.
One one didn't show. I got the contract to kill him.
so that means i'm responsible for killing him now in reality in the mafia you're given a contract you don't say the guy's my brother the guy's my cousin i know the guy since we were kids you get the contract you accept it otherwise you'll get killed you know so i i had it accepted i had to go out looking for the guy but the deal was if i found them by myself i'd call it bureau they would grab them and we'd stage a hit hit and it would be the other way around too uh i never found them they never found them them. We get a call one day.
We're at the club and we get a call. Sonny Black gets a call and he says, Donnie, Bruno, is that such and such an address? What do I do? So the guys, you know, we jump in the car we're gonna go now if i get there and we get there what am i gonna say hey guys you know i'm really an fbi agent yeah like time out yeah game over all right jigs up or maybe it's me yeah let's go get some meatballs instead of killing this guy today yeah right but i don't you know so in any operation if it's me or a gangster it's going to be the gangster and like i say i'll take my shot with the government uh charging me that that's crazy so you had that mental thought like all right i'm gonna have to go kill this guy well yeah if that's the way it came down yeah that's nuts we're gonna get back to joey pistone in a second before we do i want to talk to you about our great friends at norton 360 for gamers real gamers know that if you want to get good you need to shield up and not just in the game but with your devices and your connections hank it's a new war zone now right new update so what does that mean is it no longer verdansk no uh update really didn't change shit zombies not really so what does it mean there's like one new means i have to play yeah we're gonna get right back to the show auto insurance can all seem the same until it comes time to use it so don't get stuck paying more for less coverage Switch to USA Auto Insurance and you could start saving money in no time.
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USA! All right, back to part of my take. And now, back to Joey Pistone.
In terms of the actual undercover work and getting prepared for it, I know that there was that scene in the movie where you couldn't take your shoes off in the restaurant because you found out. What's the best place to wear a wire? None at all.
To be honest with you, none at all. What I did was I went to Radio Shack and bought a mini tape recorder.
And I would keep it in my sport coat pocket. And did you ever...
Or my cowboy boots. That time I had it in my cowboy boot.
From a, just like a logistical standpoint, I'm always curious about how the mafia operates, how the different families operate. Do you have like set times that most people are expected to be working during the day?

Because there's no office, right?

Do some people come in 9 to 5?

When are people technically at work, or is it just 24-7?

Well, it's 24-7, actually.

It's a 24-7 thing. You meet at your social club, basically, or where your crew hangs out.
Everybody's in a crew, and the crew is headed by a capo or a captain, who's appointed by the boss. And you have to maintain contact with your capo every day.
You know, most guys don't work. If they do, if they work, they might own a bar or, you know, or a business, but they're not out there doing physical labor.
You know, they might check in on their business but your main um your main goal is is is the mafia that that's that's who that's who you worship yeah what's uh what's the vacation like in the mafia is there a policy that they have or can they just like if they want to go away for a couple weeks well you got it you got to tell your capo what you're doing. In other words, if I wanted to go to Disneyland, right? I've got to go.
Hey, Sonny, I want to take my wife and kids away for, you know, all right. Just check in every day.
You've got to check in every day. I'm also curious about the tie-ins with Major League Baseball, the NBA, things like that,

because I know that some crews were involved in point shaving issues back then.

Was there any athletic involvement, any sports that you saw having contact with the crew you were running with?

The only contact that I know that, that my guys had, uh, was with, uh, horse racing, horse racing. Yeah.
Uh, what's the state of the mafia today? Like, what is it, does it still exist? Does it, I assume it still exists, but like where, what, what is it like today? Do you have any, any understanding of it? Yeah, the state of the mafia, because I keep up with it, you know, through law enforcement. Basically, they're down, reduced to, you know, just another organized crime entity.
I mean, they're involved, they're still involved in drugs, They're involved in gambling, you know, everything that that can make them money. What what what was taken away from them and what they don't control anymore is, you know, back in the day, what they don't control politicians anymore.
they're out of the gambling business in Vegas

and in They don't control politicians anymore.

They're out of the gambling business in Vegas and in Atlantic City. What I mean by that is they're not taking the takes from the county rooms anymore.

They're out of the big unions, running the big unions.

They're out of controlling judges, law enforcement, you know, and the major unions. But they're still involved in everything, all the other crimes, again.
But when we, when I say we, when law enforcement took away their ability to control the big unions, control politicians and judges, and, you know, not that they may not be paying somebody here or there, but not on a major scale like they used to. I mean, back in the day when I was in it, there wasn't anything in the U.S.
that they didn't have their hand in making money. Did you, what were the parts of Donnie Brasco that you think didn't get it right, where they kind of missed the mark a little bit in terms of what your experience was like? You know, overall, I think it was a good movie and not because it's not Nebraska, but, you know, it's it's still got legs.

I mean, there isn't there isn't a night or day that goes by that that movie's not playing somewhere.

But I think I think what what they they they really missed was the real danger.

I don't know how you guys feel, but, you know, when I watch it, you know, I kind of get the feeling, man, you know.

So, I'll made enough money, I can walk away away i know that they can but where did you ever get that feeling from guys in the crew like hey i kind of want to just stop doing this you know i understand the risk no i never did i never got i never heard anybody say that they had enough that's crazy to me just be just simply by the fact that if you make a big score, if you have a ton of money and a ton of cash, being like, hey, you know what? I've had a great run. I know how this is going to end if I stay here.
Maybe I'm going to go live my life somewhere else. No.
And you know what's crazy is that, look, I was with these guys for six years. I lived with them.
I stayed in the same apartment with them, slept with them. You wake up every morning thinking, is today the day I go to jail or is it today the day I get whacked? Right.
It's's like nuts you know uh but that's that's that's their that's their mentality that's their mindset uh and if if they if they made a five million dollar score today then tomorrow you know they want it to be a 10 million score. Yeah.
I never, never heard anybody. Never, never heard anybody say, man, I wish I never got into this life.
Yeah, I just can't imagine the anxiety of being like today could be the day that a cop just shows up at the social club or at the bar and that's it. Yeah.
I mean, uh, it's every day to them was, you know, was, uh, what are we going to score today? You know, uh, what'll get me killed. All right.
Number one, good. These are good things for an undercover agent to know, because you're never going to be in, in a deep cover situation where you're not going to get into a beef with somebody, either verbally or physically.

If I get into a beef with you, I can't insult you in front of other people.

You and I have a verbal argument. I can't insult you in front of other people.
You and I have a verbal argument. I can't insult you in front of other people.
That could get me killed. Take it a step further.
We're in this beef. You give me a smack.
If I lay my hands on you, I'm dead. You can't lay your hands on a maid guy.
You know what a maid guy is, in case your listeners don't know, somebody that's been officially indoctrinated into the mafia. Okay.
Never steal money from the family. All these will get you killed.
The other thing they'll get you killed killed you don't fool around with a wise guy's wife daughter or girlfriend that will get you killed so they have these rules and they live by them they used to anyway the mob today You know what the big downfall of the mafia is?

And I saw it.

Young kids using drugs.

Instead of dealing in it, making money of it, making money from it, them using it.

Like Christopher.

Yeah.

When he gets addicted to heroin and then sits on Cosette. And then Tony has to on Cosette and then has to kill him on the side of the road.
Yeah.

No spoilers. No spoilers at all.

Here's a dumb question.

You mentioned like a wise guy's

wife, daughter, girlfriend.

What if you sleep

with a wise guy's mom?

You're dead.

I thought maybe that was a loophole.

Maybe she's lonely. Who knows?

Yeah, well, maybe if you're

Thank you. You dead? I thought maybe that was a loophole.
Maybe she's lonely. Who knows? Yeah, well, maybe if you're single, you're all right.
But if you're married, then, you know, don't look too kindly on that. So I had one last question, and you can go listen to Deep Cover, the podcast.
So I was reading about it. Is there still actively a hit out on your life? It's never been rescinded.
But, you know, I don't think anybody gets up every morning and say, hey, I'm going to look for Donnie Brasco today, you know. Right.
You know, what I do is where I live, the neighbors don't know who I am. Because I'm not really that friendly a guy with neighbors anyway but and yeah it hasn't been rescinded but you know nobody's out well you have a podcast so yeah I would assume that you're okay with talking yeah that's kind of like the question when is the podcast bubble getting its fullest it's like when guys who are hiding in undercover and fear for their lives have very successful podcasts it's kind of saturated at that point well but i'm excited to listen to it i really am because you're your life fast yeah jamst Hey, can I mention one other thing, too? Yeah.

I mean, if it's okay.

Yeah.

I have another podcast.

It's not mine.

It's called The Undercovers.

All right?

There's one season out already, and I'm going to be the second season.

And my good friend, Eddie Follis, who is a retired DEA agent, undercover.

And you guys may have heard of Billy Queen. The Alone and Undercover, the ATF agent that spent time with the Mongols, undercover.
We got a podcast. We just did, I think, nine episodes, and it'll be out in a couple months.
And the exciting thing is that Ed O'Neill, you know who Ed O'Neill is, right? The actor. He's one of the narrators, the main narrator.
And Ray Liotta is the other narrator of it. Very cool.
That should be out in, I don't know, maybe another month or so. Awesome.
The Mongols, is that the Motorcycle Gang? Yeah, the Mongols, yeah. Yeah.
Billy Queen, yeah. But my main podcast is Deep Cover, Real Donnie Brasswell.
That's what I'm doing with Leo Rossi and Jam Street Media. Of course, it's on other wherever you get your podcast.
And Jam Street Media has got some wearing apparel that they're selling off of that. I'm not a good salesman.
No, this is a great plug. Honestly, I'm going to listen to your podcast because this type of stuff is fascinating to me.
I think I've read maybe seven books in the last 20 years and five of them are about the mafia. I'll tell you, if you read the books, read Donnie Brasco, My Undercover Life in the Mafia, number one, and then read Unfinished Business.
Make that the second one because that's a runoff.

And then I got another one out.

Well, it's been out a while called The Way of the Wise Guy.

And that's kind of how wise guys act and what they do, et cetera, et cetera.

Okay.

All right.

When's this air?

Probably in the next week or so.

Oh, is that right?

Yeah.

Okay. I got one last question for you.
Did you watch The Departed? Yeah. What did you think of the ending? Where they zoom in on the rat? Did you get the zoom in? Like the rat symbolized a rat at the end.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. I'd like to.
Yeah. Yeah.
Hey, again, it was crazy because I told my grandkids, you know, and they're like, wow, you know, those guys are the top. And my one granddaughter who's she follows or Dave Point.
Yeah, it's her boss. Yeah That's her capo.
He follows her on Instagram.

Oh, wow.

Are we implicated now?

Are we implicated as being associates of yours?

Yeah, sure.

You're under me now.

All right.

Well, that could be a problem for us.

All right.

Well, thank you so much.

Your producers have my contact.

If you ever need anything, call me. Great.
Okay. I appreciate it.
Sounds great. Thank you so much, Joe.
Your producers have my contact. If you ever need anything, call me.

Great.

Okay.

I appreciate it.

Sounds great.

Thank you so much, Joe.

We really appreciate it.

I appreciate it, guys.

See you, man.

Thank you very much.

We're going to get right back to the show.

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All right.

Back to part of my take.

All right.

I just have sent the beta version of our new t-shirt.

Let's see it.

Yeah.

It's going to look sick.

Bang chins, bro.

Yeah.

I like that.

Yeah.

And that's, we need to name that guy. Like, it doesn't have to be on the shirt, but just so that.
Trevor? Tyler? Lance. Lance.
Come on, Billy. Get us something.
Big time Frisbee guy that used to be a counselor at my camp. His name is Brody Smith.
There it is. Brody.
Okay. That guy's big.
Is he? Yeah. He's real? You know Brody Smith? You've seen his videos.
I was in 8th grade. Alright, so just one on the record that is Brody, our frouffer, but it's not the Brody, so you can't see who he remembers.
No, it's a Brody that used to bang change with Jake. Potentially.
He would remember the camp, and then he'd be like, yeah, backtrack. Yeah, then I remember.
Oh, you were a camper there. Do you think he saw any future frothing

in you? He created

not disc

golf, but he created ultimate frisbee as

an activity. He invented ultimate frisbee?

No, at camp. He like started.

Wait.

No, he started the league.

The ultimate frisbee organization.

Ultimate frisbee is real fun.

I'm saying Hank invented Jenga. The Mohicans invented it.

But the professional...

Oh, he did play barstool.

He brought it to camp is all I'm saying.

Got it.

Well, that's important.

So it's like...

He introduced it to Jake.

Yeah.

It's like Europeans brought football to America.

He's Eli Whitney.

Yeah.

Sort of.

He discovered it.

He's more like...

It sounds like he discovered ultimate frisbee.

He's more like Paul Rabel. Paul Rabel? Rabel? Paul Rabel.
Because he created the professional league. Right, but he didn't invent lacrosse.
Right. Okay, got it.
Brody Smith. I love that name, Brody Smith.
Okay, that's Brody banging chains on his shirt. He did Dude Perfect videos.
He did? Yeah. Cancel him.
Cancel him. All right, Hank, Firefest of the week.
My Firefest, we alluded to it earlier, but, you know, everyone's got their favorite, like, toy they have as a kid. You stop.
Mine was Mr. Potato Head.
For real? Yeah, of course. It was like, you know, I struggled with friends, and for a while, I was like, he's my guy friend.
He's my boy. Okay,'s my boy Mr.
Potato Head Did you just like him because of Toy Story? And then of course I liked him You like someone and they go mainstream You were a fan of his before you were in school But they changed him today They massacred my boy Hasbro They neutered him They're giving him a sp Yeah, they're giving him a spud, a gender neutral new name. Just Potato Head.
Are they taking away his dick? Isn't there a Mrs. Potato Head? Yes.
So what the hell is the problem? Right, and I don't know if they're changing her. My sister liked the Mrs.
Potato Head. I liked the Mr.
And now it's like, would I ever even gotten into him in the first place? So if hypothetically you had a stash of old Mr. Potato Head genitals, you stand to make a lot of money because they're about to get rare.
NFT them. Okay, I'm going to NFT my Potato Head dicks.
I would love to talk to the founder of Mr. Potato Head.
Like, how high were you, dude? That's the dumbest toy ever. No, they were originally just...
No, they were literally like no they were literally like potatoes potatoes yeah right they sold the accessories yeah but he must have been high there then when he just started sticking shit in a potato to keep his kids busy yeah i feel like in like the fucking 1900s that's you know yeah that's true they didn't play with like a circular wooden like and a stick yeah that's like sticking shit in a potato is better than Game Boy. It's like, I can take this with me wherever I go.
Yeah. Sticking shit in a potato is better than Game Boy.
I can take this with me wherever I go. I can take it in the horse.
Call of Duty used to be just throwing rocks at trains. Yeah.
Alright, good Fire Fest. Is that it, Hank? PFT, what's your Fire Fest? Yeah, it's been a tough week.
Tough day, I guess. My Fire Fest is I'm passing a kidney stone.
Or I did pass a kidney stone a couple hours ago. I don't know if it's still going through right now.
And I've got more. You're with stones.
I was with stones. I went to the urologist today.
They checked me out. It's always weird because they got to make you take your pants off.
Did they look at your dick? Looked at my dick. Everything's normal.
Did you laugh? No, because I feel like urologists have to have a line for every person that they've got like they think of what their joke line is going to be when they look at your chart so that's not super uncomfortable when they're just like moving your dick and so mine was uh hey uh are you related to that pilot that landed the plane on the river and he's like because your name is similar similar. And I was like, my instinct was in my sick brain from five years of doing this podcast, the only thing I could say back to him was, you know, they named a drink after that guy.
That's perfect. And he's like, oh, really? And then I just didn't say the punchline to the joke.
So I just set up the joke, didn't add in the gray goose and a splash of water. But that's the only thing that my warped brain could think to say as another man with a glove is touching my penis roughly.
I think that's fair. I think, yeah, I'm lucky I got that out.
Like, honestly, I felt like that was a great interaction after he left the room. Yes.
But, yeah, I was currently passing one a little bit ago. I think, I i don't know i can't tell if it's still going through my kidney or not right now but um sounds like you're milking it my inside is is like the infinity stones the infinity gauntlet when's the last stone huh i guess that's gonna be you know you said i have at least six how much longer do we have to live with these stones a lot i'm I'm going to be milking it hard.
I'm going to be talking about it a lot.

Talk about stones.

So I've got an appointment.

Buckle up.

Yeah.

Buckle up, folks.

I've got to name more of them.

Yep.

Yep.

Rock Cartwright.

Pardon my Takeo Spikes.

Okay.

I like that one.

Spikel Jordan.

Okay.

Bottom line is no more salads.

I fucked up by eating salads for a week and now look at me

yeah although they were pfc came back i was like hey how are you doing and he's like yeah they told me that sodium is really bad and then as as he was saying that as the words were coming out of his mouth he had an order come in like the like enrique who works the front desk walked over and it was just wings and

french fries.

And I'm like, well.

And I realized how ridiculous Enrique, who works the front desk, walked over, and it was just wings and French fries.

And I'm like, well.

And I realized how ridiculous it was because I looked at the receipt of my order,

and on Seamless, when I ordered the wings, it was lemon pepper wings,

and my request for additional notes on there was, can you add in extra seasoning, please?

So maybe it is some time to cut back occasionally on the soda.

Does this have anything to do with the hat?

No, nothing to do with the hat.

Shut up.

Yeah.

If anything, the hat's been helping.

All right.

My fire friends, I have a zit on my nose.

It's coming in and it's fucking painful.

Doesn't look as bad in person.

Let me see.

It looked bad on that video.

I look like Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.

Really bad.

It's also just really painful.

Yeah, I look like one of those guys who's been drinking for 80 years and his nose is going to fall. Yeah, if you squeeze it hard enough, you'll look like a clown face T-shirt.
It hasn't come out. It's like maybe it's ingrown hair.
It just sucks. It's pretty much the worst thing that's ever happened to anyone.
I'm sorry that you're going through that right now. Thank you.
I appreciate that. Credit you for coming in, though.
Yeah, I know. I came in.
You know what what yeah billy said all these comments about us seeming old he did when you're getting you're getting an acne outbreak look at you you're basically a 13 year are you doing a cycle over there yeah a little trt yeah trying to keep up with the young buck over here one thing that we should all acknowledge is when billy was having that conversation with our boss erica he was talking about how old me and Big Cat were to somebody that's older, to a woman who's older than Big Cat. How do you think that made our CEO feel? And also threw in 27-year-old Hank.
You basically called our CEO old to her face. Also in a way that made it seem like we all have the same job.
Yeah. Billy, I have one more day of motivation, then I will stop.
I was just literally trying to show value.

I just want that video to get to a million views

so everyone knows who stabbed me in the back.

When I'm laying dead in the...

I'm pretty sure it's already past a million.

Oh, it is?

All right, good.

Well, I'm still going to tweet tomorrow.

But when I'm laying dead in the gutter,

and they're like, how did he die?

Well, old age.

Billy Football.

Billy Football came and fucking gutted him. That was father time what's your fire fest billy um so last week there were it's not your pants no i have this is so much more this is these pants look they're keeping me warm they're work pants covering my what are you in the resident you're like yeah i'm wearing this thing it's just keeping me alive it's like dude they're work pants i'm at work it's like no they're work pants for if you're like, yeah, I'm wearing this thing.
It's just keeping me alive.

It's like, dude, they're work pants.

I'm at work.

It's like, no, they're work pants if you're on a construction site. Yeah.

Anyway, last week there was reports out of Tasmania that they spotted the Tasmanian tiger,

which the last – so humans suck and tend to kill large predators when they go into

a new area.

So the Tasmanian tiger, the last one died in captivity in 1936. The Tasmanian tiger is a large marsupial, a carnivorous marsupial.
The only reason they say it's a tiger is because it has stripes on its back. It's like a nurse shark.
It's just a name. It's not actually a tiger.
Dude, you posted that picture, or I saw that picture. It looks like Stella.
Yeah. It looks like my dog.
Yeah. Yeah, so maybe I have one.
Maybe. It's just a brindle marsupial.
Yeah. Well, the stripes, yeah.
It's like half kangaroo, though. Yeah, it's like, imagine like a dingo with a pouch with stripes on its back in like a really big mouth.
God was drunk when he made Australia, the entire continent. He was celebrating after making everything.
He's like, I did a great job. Look at this.
This is an elephant. Look at this.
It's an orchid flower. It's so beautiful and intricate.
And then look, here's a fucked up duckbill platypus that looks like it's a beaver that I stapled like a bill to its nose. Yeah, giant sharks and fucking little, like enlarged squirrels that crawl really slow up the trees and have syphilis.
Now I'm going to make an island where everything that you touch will kill you. Anyway, so there was a trail cam footage of what looks like a family.
Wait, hold on, one more. What else we got? There's a giant rock that I'm going to put out here that just looks like a chick's mound.
Yeah, the biggest spiders you've ever fucking seen that you have to kill with a shovel. Otherwise, they'll eat your babies.
And you're only allowed to live within two miles of the coast on the entire fucking island so that you're closer to the sharks. Wombats poop cubes.
Really? Yeah. That's pretty cool.
They're cubes. I'm fact-checking that.
I wish I'd start poop cubes if I many of the painkillers. I'll tell you that.
So there was a trail cam of what they thought was the family of this, and everyone was freaking out because they're like, nature is healing. Like, this extinct animal is actually not extinct.
And it turns out it was just a bunch of wild dogs. Yeah.
So I saw the biologist that was taking credit for it, and I guess he's a pretty respected – like, he's a big name in the field of animal like zoology and he was walking down the street it looked like he was probably like halfway to being johnny damon levels of drunk and he just had like a an open beer can in his hands he was like great news we discovered the target the target's not dead and he's like this he's like a famous doctor in australia oh yeah he's just fucking hammered walking down the street. It's like that is the most perfect Australian doctor that I've ever seen in my life.

He's probably like the 40th drunkest person in his town. It was probably his life's work to find this tiger.

So he just found a couple dogs?

Well, they look like Tasmanian tigers.

Can I see the picture of them?

By the way, I'm looking at the cubes, the wombats poop.

It's pretty crazy.

Anyway, turns out it wasn't and it was really disappointing because I got really excited I almost started drinking Jake I present to you One of the biggest scams in America Top shot Chapstick I keep losing mine It is impossible to finish a stick I've been on this for a while. Oh, really? Put it in a different way.
Go ahead. No, like I have to buy a new one every week.
You gotta do. You gotta fucking wear it as a necklace.
They've also addicted it. You've gotten addicted to it.
Yes. When you don't even need it at all.
Our darling Jake is addicted to Chapstick and to nose spray. I'm over that now, knock on wood.
But it's ridiculous. How many days sober are you? Your you Your lips get chopped My lips don't ever get chapped Neither do mine Do you use chopstick Mine get chapped But you know what Give him a kiss It's cause I use chapstick Right But to my point You got the spike in me You just buy one It's cheap It's two three bucks But then you have to buy one Next week and the week after Do you know anyone Who's ever finished A chapstickick? Nope.
Yeah, Chaps' wife. Oh, damn.
That's good. That is good.
All right, that's the show. Everyone, numbers 99.
20. 18.
8. 32.
17, I'm fucking... Oh, shout out Mike Greenberg.
Mike Greenberg, they just announced he's going to be doing the NFL draft. Oh, great.
Another show for him. More Greeny.
All Greeny all the time. He seriously has had a power play for every job at ESPN.
Yes, he wanted it just to be ESPN Greeny. 73.
73. He should also do like an over-the-top, a premium.
First-timer. Yeah.
Like OnlyFans style. That was a first- timer? Holy shit.
Hank, still nothing. Liam said 17.
It's crazy that we have only had Liam, no, Billy, Liam, and Jake. Yeah.
All right. Billy, do you have an animal fact for us? Yes.
Wombat. I didn't blow my load too early on that one.
Off the coast of Ireland, there's an island of feral wallabies

that just live there.

That sounds pretty cool.

Nice.

Wallabies are like smaller kangaroos.

Love you guys.

Love you guys.

See you guys Monday.

Love you guys. Thank you.
I don't want to.

Needless to say.

I'm on sentence.

But I'm feeling stolen away.

Fully learned that life is okay.

Say out to me.

It's no better to be safe than sorry.

Say out to me.

It's no better to be safe and solid Take on me Take me I'll become Unite of truth Oh, things that stay

Is it like You don't do it. True.

All the things that we stay isn't life

just to play my world

in the way.

You're all the things I've got to remember.

Are you shying away?

I'll be coming

for you anyway.

Are you shying away?

I'll be coming for you anyway. He's shining away.
I'll be coming for you anyway.

Take on me.

Take me home.

I'll be gone.

I'll be gone

In a day Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Thank you.