Chris Long, Jeff Fisher, And Super Wild Card Weekend Preview

Speaker 1 Hey, pardon my take, listeners. You can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.

Speaker 2 This college football season, we are feeling the cheesiest with Cheez-It, the ultimate irresistible football-watching snack.

Speaker 3 Cheez-It brings 100% real cheese and deliciousness to every game.

Speaker 2 Fuel your game day cravings with cheesy, crunchy, salty deliciousness. And fuel your Cheez-It fandom at Cheez-It.com.
Use code STOOL25 for 20% off your order.

Speaker 1 On today's part in my take, Super Wildcard weekend. We've got Chris Long drafting quarterbacks this weekend.
We have coach Jeff Fisher. We're going to break down every game.

Speaker 1 We have a special happy to be there teaser. Can't lose parlay.
We're going to talk about the games. We've got Fire Fest of the week.

Speaker 1 It's all here Friday before Super Wildcard Weekend, the first ever Super Wildcard weekend.

Speaker 5 The Pro Football Football Show is presented by the Chevy Silverado. Built for the hustle, ready for the game.
game, Chevy Silverado is America's most dependable full-size truck.

Speaker 5 Whether you're grinding through the week or gearing up for kickoff, the Silverado is one ride that's always game ready. Just like football, it's about grit, grind, and getting it done.

Speaker 5 Head to Chevy.com to learn more and build your own Chevy Silverado.

Speaker 1 Okay,

Speaker 1 let's go.

Speaker 1 then a lot of

Speaker 1 work will be done.

Speaker 1 No papers, hang on, no washing.

Speaker 1 And then I can't name all on the song. Oh, no, we're gonna rock it down to Elaine, Shake Iven U.

Speaker 1 And then we'll take it higher.

Speaker 1 Oh, we're gonna rock it down to Elaine, Shake Avenue.

Speaker 1 And then take my bar.

Speaker 4 Welcome to part of my take presented by the Cash App.

Speaker 1 Go download right now. Use code Barstool.
You get $10 for free. $10 to the ASPCA.
Today is Friday, January 8th, Super Wild Card weekend. Super Wildcard weekend.

Speaker 1 How many times are we going to say super wild card weekend?

Speaker 6 It feels better just because you toss an extra word on there. It's Mega Deluxe Wildcard Super Weekend.

Speaker 6 This is... tied for my favorite weekend of the year with next weekend.

Speaker 1 March Madness.

Speaker 6 Yeah, March Madness is pretty good when that gets kicked off. But just looking at all the games,

Speaker 6 I'm more confused than I am clear about any of these games.

Speaker 1 Well, let's talk it out. Let's hash it.
You want to talk it out?

Speaker 1 Let's figure out what I think. All right, let's talk out what we think.
I think, actually, what we should do is we should talk it out. We should talk out how we could see it going.

Speaker 1 Maybe pros and cons for each team. Let's talk it out.
Billy, you're welcome to chime in. Hank, you're welcome to chime in, even though you guys don't have teams in the playoffs.

Speaker 1 PFT, is your team in the playoffs?

Speaker 6 My team is in the playoffs.

Speaker 1 Oh, my team is in the playoffs.

Speaker 6 We made it to the dance.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we made it to the dance. Actually,

Speaker 1 we have a special teaser in the Barstool Sportsbook app that is the happy-to-be-there teaser that is the Bears and the Washington football team. And

Speaker 1 I think it's plus 120. Yeah, it is plus 120.
Sorry, plus 125.

Speaker 1 Look at that. How can you not bet that? Plus 125, and you get

Speaker 1 the Bears at 16.5 and the Washington football team at 15.5.

Speaker 1 Why not us? I almost want to say that's can't lose, but I'm not going to. It is close to can't lose.
It's as close to can't lose as you can get.

Speaker 6 And you know what? We are happy to be there. Let's start with the Bears.

Speaker 1 Let's start with the British Bears. No, no, let's go order.

Speaker 1 I need to go order for my own brain. Okay.
We have to go Saturday. We have to do that.
It's like a buildup.

Speaker 1 My brain will fall apart if I don't do that because I've just been thinking about it very linear.

Speaker 6 You're stuck to the concept of time, man. Yeah.

Speaker 1 All right. Sad.
Time. Whoa.
Colts at Bills. Colts at Bills.
I'm going to start with a stat for you, PFT. Philip Rivers

Speaker 1 playing in temperature under 32 degrees, one in five all time.

Speaker 6 There you go. Good enough for me.
Rivers, you know what happens?

Speaker 1 He's going to have to wear so many underlayers.

Speaker 6 When it gets cold outside, Rivers freeze up. That's a fact in nature.
That's going to be a fact this weekend.

Speaker 6 The boys from Lake Erie on both sides of it, I think, are going to win this weekend.

Speaker 6 Josh Allen's just playing too good.

Speaker 6 He's playing like an insane person.

Speaker 1 So the...

Speaker 1 The thought that is out there right now that has the Colts possibly hanging in this game and potentially winning this game, I do not think they will.

Speaker 1 I'm going to take the Bills, but is that they play a style of defense and they play a zone that has made, has at least slowed down the Buffalo Bills at times this year.

Speaker 1 I don't buy it because Josh Allen, we've seen it even against the Steelers. Remember that Steelers game where the first half it was low scoring, second half it kind of broke wide open.

Speaker 1 Josh Allen's a playmaker.

Speaker 1 Guess what? You want to drop back in zone? He'll beat you with his feet. Like, he can do everything.
So I think they're humming.

Speaker 1 I'm I'm really just going off of closing my eyes,

Speaker 1 thinking about a 29-degree day, thinking about Phil Rivers wearing 16

Speaker 1 pairs of long Johns and turtlenecks, and him trying to climb the pocket and pass the ball to the far hash, and it just not getting it doesn't work in my brain either.

Speaker 6 He's only wearing that super dark tan Carhartt jacket underneath his uniform.

Speaker 1 And, well, I will respect Jonathan Taylor.

Speaker 6 So, Jonathan Taylor, if there's a way that the Colts win, it's by Jonathan Taylor running for 225 yards.

Speaker 6 But barring that, if he gets under 200 yards, then the Bills will win.

Speaker 6 I think that's a metric that you can look at. Every single time Jonathan Taylor has rushed for over 210 yards in the game, the Colts win.
So it's pretty simple.

Speaker 6 Just feed him the ball if you're the Colts.

Speaker 1 That's like when you go back and look at time of possession stats after the fact, and you're like, well, when they have the ball for 40 minutes, well, why did they have the ball for 40 minutes?

Speaker 1 Well, they got out to a 14-0 lead and were able to sit on it. Oh, okay.
Well, that also helps.

Speaker 6 I do hope that the Colts can put up a banner for this game, though. Regardless, win or lose.

Speaker 6 Let's put the wild card weekend participant, Minneapolis Colts.

Speaker 1 Are you going Bills? I'm going Bills. I'm going Bills as well.

Speaker 4 I like the Bills.

Speaker 6 And we're not doing against the spread here, right?

Speaker 1 We could do anything. You can do anything we want.
It's our show.

Speaker 6 I'm going Bills against the spread and Bills in general.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'll unveil my can't lose parlay at the end. But yeah, what do you think, Hank?

Speaker 7 What do you think? I'm going to ride with you guys. I'm going to to enter my Play Barstool picks as you're doing it.
So this will be the PMT selection. What's the

Speaker 1 minus six and a half? What's the prize this week on the Play Barstool, the free app?

Speaker 7 It's a $25,000 prize. You only have to pick five games against the spread and then the Sunday night game score.
$25,000 prize if you go six for six.

Speaker 7 If no one wins, we've only had a few winners this year. If no one wins, that $25,000 will be donated to the Barcelona.
And if we get $40,000 entries, $10,000 will be donated to the Barcelona.

Speaker 7 So if you're not playing, you don't care about charity and the kids, pretty much.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 7 And small businesses.

Speaker 1 By the way, the Bills, weeks one through nine, they were 24th in defense. And then weeks 10 through 17, they are sixth, and they are giving up 20 points a game.

Speaker 6 Flip the switch.

Speaker 1 They are the complete team. All right, next game.
Rams going to Seattle, playing the Seahawks. I think Jared Goff's going to play.

Speaker 1 I'm pretty sure Jamal Adams is going to play, which is kind of an under-the-radar, like, oh, he got hurt in week 17.

Speaker 1 I just see this game as being like slow, grinded out. Both these teams know each other.
It's crazy to think about Russ Wilson this year and how,

Speaker 1 like, high everyone was on him being an MVP this year. I went back and I looked.
He has 40 touchdown passes this year. In the first eight weeks, he threw 28.
In the last eight weeks, he threw 12.

Speaker 1 So it's crazy to see the Seahawks have completely flipped who they are. They played terrible defense the first half of the season and threw the ball a shitload.

Speaker 1 And then the second half, they decided to run the ball and play good defense. They essentially, the Seahawks went from Texas Tech to Iowa football.

Speaker 1 All in the middle of a season.

Speaker 6 And it works for the Seahawks. I like this formula for the Seahawks.
Yeah, I think that if it's Jared Goff, they've got a chance. But if it's Wolford,

Speaker 1 Wolford.

Speaker 1 I'm not, this, and this is no shade towards our friend Jared Goff because he has a broken fucking thumb.

Speaker 1 Like, the fact that he's even thinking about playing means he's significantly tougher than anyone in this room. But I think the Rams, regardless, like it does,

Speaker 1 you'd rather have Goff than not. But even with John Wolford, I think they can win this game because it's not going to be Sean McVay pass the ball 50 times.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like, I think they are going to play really good defense and try to run the ball a lot. And the Seahawks are going to do the same.
That's why I like the under, even though it's 42.5.

Speaker 1 But I think it's going to be these teams know each other back and forth.

Speaker 6 This is what happens to me all the time in the NFL. I was so dead sure that the Rams were going to be the team that was about to go on a little run a few weeks ago.

Speaker 1 And they lost the family. And the Jets.

Speaker 6 And then they start breaking my heart. Then they lose to the Jets.

Speaker 6 So going into this game, if you'd asked me a month ago, I would have said I like the Rams to basically make the Super Bowl out of the NFC. But right now,

Speaker 6 I can't bet on a Wolford. Wolford is just one of those names.

Speaker 1 I know, Wolford. Kind of looks cool, though.
Like that picture of him, he doesn't give a fuck. And we're going to talk about this with Chris Long in a minute.
But like,

Speaker 1 there's something scary about a guy who doesn't know he should suck.

Speaker 6 Yeah, but I think now he's going to know that he should suck because it's the playoffs.

Speaker 6 It's the playoffs. I'm going up against Russ Wilson.
No fans. Maybe I should suck.

Speaker 6 It is actually like a homefield disadvantage, I think, to a certain extent for the Seahawks. Playing in that stadium without having fans has got to be such an emotional letdown.

Speaker 6 Do you know what it is? Especially the guys that have been there for forever. They're used to going out there and having their ears bleed whenever the defense is on the field.
And now there's nobody.

Speaker 6 They need to...

Speaker 6 This weekend, since it is a playoffs, you need to create a playoff-like environment they should be allowed to raise the decibels of the fake on-field noise i like that i like that um

Speaker 1 i uh the home field advantage statistically like legitimately if you look at it did not matter this year so i know that we it's hard to get that out of your head because you play the game like well they still got to travel it it has not i think it's i think it was like 50.1 percent like home field uh of the home team covering versus the away team it really did not matter so i don't know i like the rams and the under.

Speaker 6 I'm going to take the Seahawks.

Speaker 1 I really like the under.

Speaker 6 I'm going to take the Seahawks, and I'm going to go with the over because you like the under so much.

Speaker 1 Don't do that.

Speaker 6 Don't do it. No, you're riding a heat check on the under because the one under pick that you gave out this year hit.
Don't do it. So now you're feeling yourself on it.
Don't do it.

Speaker 1 Don't do it. All right.

Speaker 7 Seahawks as well.

Speaker 6 Seahawks.

Speaker 1 Seahawks.

Speaker 1 Well, I like that. What is the line on the play bar stool? Three and a half.

Speaker 1 That hook. The hook.

Speaker 6 All right, I'll compromise on this one if you compromise on later.

Speaker 7 Oh, I think I would be the third.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's your vote.

Speaker 1 Ramps. I love Jared Goff.
I love Underdogs. I love Jared Goff.

Speaker 6 Saturday night game,

Speaker 1 the premier game of the week. Tampa Buccaneers going to the Washington football team.
PFT, would you like me to give you some stats that will help you?

Speaker 6 I'll give you a stat that will confirm that the Washington football team is a team of destiny.

Speaker 6 In fact, I've taken them off my team of destiny big board just because they're so far head and shoulders ahead of every other team when it comes to their destiny.

Speaker 6 They are by far the team in the NFL that has had the lowest COVID cases this year.

Speaker 1 So really, if I thought the Seahawks had zero.

Speaker 6 No, they had four. Oh.
Football team had two. Okay.

Speaker 6 If we're going by the Doug Farrar power rankings where the Titans are 32 because then they'll always stay 32 because they didn't respect the coronavirus. Unlike us, it couldn't be us.

Speaker 6 We would never say anything that would lend you to believe that we didn't respect the virus. Yep.

Speaker 6 The football team had two. We only had two this year.
So that's the real championship, big cap.

Speaker 1 We're the healthiest. Yes, healthiest.
You're the Yukon football.

Speaker 6 We are the Yukon football.

Speaker 1 I have stats for you, though. Okay.
I'll help you. Go ahead.
Okay. Teams that are eight and eight or worse have covered seven straight wildcard games.

Speaker 1 Teams that are eight and eight or worse have won four straight wildcard games. Okay.

Speaker 1 So four times in the last four times a team has gone in with eight and eight or seven and nine, and everyone says, how could this team ever win? They have won.

Speaker 6 The Panthers did it. I remember the Seahawks did it.
Yep. You could make the argument right now that the Washington football team is the third best seven and nine team of all time.

Speaker 6 So if we win this next week, then we're tied for number one. Correct.
Which would be just a tremendous opportunity for us. But the most important stat, four wins.

Speaker 6 That's all we need. Four wins, and it's Super Bowl.
It's probably not going to happen, but...

Speaker 6 There's something about being an underdog, being underrated, having the entire narrative this week be like, wow, your team really sucks. The entire division really sucks.

Speaker 6 Where it's like, this is where the NFL flips itself. We called it like four months ago that the NFC East was going to suck.

Speaker 6 They get a sub-500 team into the playoffs and they eventually shock the world.

Speaker 1 I don't want to narrative off you, but I don't, if you look at this weekend. And I am,

Speaker 1 I agree with what you're saying in the fact that like we always look at the playoff weekend or any big football weekend and the game that everyone's talking about is too obvious becomes the opposite.

Speaker 1 I don't think it's the Washington football team game, though, because I think everyone is silently saying, ooh, Chase Young, Chase Young. I don't think it's the Bears.

Speaker 6 What do you mean they're silently saying it's Chase Young?

Speaker 1 Well, they're saying it in Discord.

Speaker 6 They're not saying it.

Speaker 1 And Chase Young is saying that.

Speaker 6 People are whispering to each other.

Speaker 1 Chose signing it to each other.

Speaker 6 People are signing it together. They're winking or ESPing.

Speaker 1 Don't be an ableist.

Speaker 6 Chase Young. Okay.

Speaker 1 No, there's been murmurs, though. Pass rush, this, that.

Speaker 1 I don't think the Bears have that either.

Speaker 1 The team that everyone has written off is the Browns.

Speaker 6 No, because

Speaker 6 people are talking about this.

Speaker 1 No, but this Kevin Stefansky thing, and we'll get to the Browns later, but I think they take the cake of the team that everyone has written off.

Speaker 6 Well, in protest of Tom Brady, I have not drank water all week. I've been drinking everything else.
I've been drinking supplements.

Speaker 4 I saw you drinking some supplements.

Speaker 6 I've been drinking some piss, mostly piss.

Speaker 6 I've been opening my mouth collecting moisture as I walk around. And a shout out to Eli Manning, a guy that beat Tom Brady twice in the Super Bowl.

Speaker 6 I'm staying clear of the TB12 method. In fact, I've got a bet with Steven Che where if his Bucs win, I've got to go on the TB12 method.
If they lose, he has to eat tomatoes every single meal.

Speaker 1 Ooh.

Speaker 6 Until the football team loses.

Speaker 6 Very badass reflux.

Speaker 1 I have another staff for you. Hit me.
Tom Brady. And this is the theory that we've been throwing out there that is confirmed by this staff.

Speaker 6 He's going to be tired because he looted the Capitol yesterday.

Speaker 1 Nope. One in six last seven night games.
One in six last seven night games, nine touchdowns, eight interceptions. If you don't think this guy goes to sleep at seven o'clock every night, you're crazy.

Speaker 6 Well, he's also dealing with advanced age.

Speaker 1 He's going to sleep. It's going to be tough.

Speaker 6 Like, it's tough to go into Ral John and win a game past eight o'clock at night. That's just a fact.

Speaker 6 And some people have been asking me, I guess, if you haven't listened to part of my take since its inception, what is Ral John, Maryland?

Speaker 6 So I should probably redress that because they'll be the fake, the casuals out there are going to be calling it Landover on Saturday. It's Ral John.

Speaker 6 When Jack Kent Cook died back in 1996, 97, whenever that was, he left the team kind of to his children, but more importantly than that, he named the entire town after his two sons, Ralph and John.

Speaker 6 Ral John. And it was called Ral John, Maryland, until the team got purchased, but I choose to still refer to it as Ral John.
I like it.

Speaker 1 So picks for this game.

Speaker 4 The Bucs are going to win.

Speaker 1 I think the Washington football team is going to cover. I agree.

Speaker 6 I agree.

Speaker 6 I agree. But you know what? Don't be surprised if the football team wins.
That's a great way to say.

Speaker 1 Eight and a half. I do think the Washington football team will cover.
But I do think they're going to be a team. I'll love you PFT, but I think they're getting shit pumped.
Okay. Wait, but it's 2-1.

Speaker 1 It is. Yeah.
Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 7 The official pick is.

Speaker 1 I just keep going back. I saw this, that, the DVOA, like, biggest gaps ever for playoff teams.

Speaker 1 The Washington football team is 32nd in offense and third in defense. Okay.
That's a significant gap.

Speaker 6 Now, but you have to take into account that several of those games were started by Dwayne Haskins.

Speaker 1 But I actually think Dwayne Haskins, like.

Speaker 1 No, stop that saying.

Speaker 6 I'm going to stop you right there.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, I'm going to say it. I asked the narrative.

Speaker 1 No, because the narrative coming from Sunday night was all about Doug Peterson and the Eagles, and everyone just forgot that Alex Smith couldn't move. Right.

Speaker 6 But we might A-B him.

Speaker 6 We might mix him in with Taylor Heineke, which is you get a dual threat quarterback in there.

Speaker 7 Yeah.

Speaker 1 If you have two quarterbacks, you have double the pleasure.

Speaker 6 Yeah, and you also have two most popular guys in town if they're both backups, which is great.

Speaker 1 I just don't think.

Speaker 6 There's one other stat. Here's a stat for you.
This is from my guy, JP Finley, at JP Finley NBCS.

Speaker 6 He was saying that he found some good news for Washington. Tom Brady is 31st in the NFL in on-target throws.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 6 31st in the entire NFL in terms of on-target throws at 73%.

Speaker 6 And even worse, he's making a bad throw on 20% of his attempts, which is the fourth worst.

Speaker 1 in the league. Let's go.

Speaker 6 So there's a path. There is a path.
I found a path here.

Speaker 1 There is a path. No, all these stats are backing up.

Speaker 6 I have another one for you, PF. And also, there's buzz that Deshaun Watson could be on the Washington football team next year.

Speaker 1 I think everyone has Buzz with Deshaun.

Speaker 6 Well, we had the first Photoshop. Yeah.

Speaker 1 We were first to market in terms of putting him

Speaker 1 wrong. Well,

Speaker 6 those are troll photos.

Speaker 1 The Bears have had Photoshops for a very long time. The Bears are probably like scrambling, trying to figure out, like, where's our file,

Speaker 1 scouting file we had on Deshaun. Oh, yeah, that's right.
We forgot to scout him. Yep.
So we're going to start from scratch.

Speaker 1 Only third time in playoff history a road team has been a favorite of a TD or more in a wild card game. Both times the under and the underdog covered.

Speaker 6 You know what? I'm saying it right now. Keep sleeping.

Speaker 1 It's just all your stats. America, Vegas, and then

Speaker 1 keep sleeping.

Speaker 6 Keep sleeping. But that's what I'm saying.
Tom Brady, I'm coming.

Speaker 1 Here's the scary thing, PFT.

Speaker 1 If we do visualization exercise, Alex Smith with the ball needing to go 80 yards

Speaker 1 to score a touchdown with four minutes left.

Speaker 4 That's scary. Yeah.

Speaker 6 Well, the formula for winning this game is to not be down.

Speaker 1 The formula is to never let them score and hope you get a field goal.

Speaker 6 The formula is to go on one drive that lasts the entire game.

Speaker 1 Just be legends for one drive.

Speaker 6 Just get like one yard per play, mix in a few nice penalties,

Speaker 6 just run some time off the clock and go on a 60-minute drive and end it with a one-yard touchdown run. No, maybe.
And then I think we can win.

Speaker 1 On-site kick to start the game, and then you also receive the kick second half.

Speaker 6 I mean, if we're being honest, the formula for winning this game is the exact same formula that the football team had for beating the Bucs back in 2006, which is

Speaker 6 a defensive fumble, return for a touchdown,

Speaker 6 and then maybe.

Speaker 6 Maybe one offensive touchdown if we're lucky. If you get crazy.
And then hope that Chris Sims isn't able to beat you with his arm. Yes.
That's the formula for beating the Bucs in playoffs.

Speaker 1 All right. Sunday.
Sunday, Sunday, Sunday. This is, I think everyone has this circled as the game of the weekend.
Yeah, I would say so. Ravens, Titans, game of the weekend.

Speaker 1 Rematch from last year. Rematch from earlier this season when they played in overtime.
The

Speaker 1 Tennessee Titans,

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 I'm starting to believe in the Ravens, but they've also beaten no one.

Speaker 1 And then when I look at the other side, I'm like, the Titans' offense is fucking electric and will score points, but holy shit, their defense has struggled.

Speaker 6 I don't want to slap Will Compton in the face here.

Speaker 1 No, he's the boy.

Speaker 1 I'm not Will Compton. If you had 11 Will Comptons, their defense would be number one.
I think we all agree.

Speaker 6 I'm from the school of hard boys. I think that the boys are great.
I think that I will never disrespect them on these airwaves. However, I think that they're going to get run all over.

Speaker 6 Not the boy necessarily. He'll make some good tackles.

Speaker 1 He'll definitely. He'll be.
Or get out of the way if he has to. Don't make a business decision, Will.
It's okay.

Speaker 6 What kind of weird haircut is the boy going to have? You know, it would be funny if he had, so he's got like the peaky blinder haircut.

Speaker 6 If he did the Tim Tebow inside of the peaky blinder, so he made a bird, an actual like bird's nest on his head.

Speaker 1 Oh, I was going to say, I thought you were going to say he just put a bunch of razor blades in his gloves and just tries to beat the Ravens by physically

Speaker 1 blinding them.

Speaker 6 Yes. Yeah.

Speaker 7 He should do the Minnesota hockey thing. Oh, yeah.
Titans to do that.

Speaker 1 I don't. This game's going to be fun.
I do. The over is way too high, I feel like.
55

Speaker 1 for a playoff game?

Speaker 6 Yeah, I think that the Ravens are,

Speaker 6 they've been thinking about this game for a year, like a full calendar year.

Speaker 6 And it kind of showed this season because they weren't totally dialed in throughout the regular season. They're also

Speaker 6 on defense now. They've been thinking about the playoffs, just nothing but remembering, and

Speaker 6 they've got a little extra fuel in their tank going on this weekend.

Speaker 1 What's the line on the play bar stool? Three and a half? It's three right now. Two and a half.
Two and a half, give me the Ravens.

Speaker 6 And also, if you're the Titans, last year you had the promise that Mike Vrabel was going to cut his dick off if you won enough games. True.
What's he going to cut off this year?

Speaker 6 Mike Vrabel has been a little too quiet in terms of cast racing and what appendage he's going to remove. Like, you've got to say, like, all right, I'll leave my dick intact, but

Speaker 6 I'll take one ball out. You guys can smash one of my balls like Coach McCarthy.
What if he did that?

Speaker 6 Before the game, he took one of his nuts, had it removed, smashed it like Mike McCarthy before a Cowboys game. I feel like if he does that, I'm going to retract this.

Speaker 6 But until that's been proven that he's done it, I'm going to go with the Ravens minus two and a half.

Speaker 6 Didn't he say he was going to cut his dick off if he won a Super Bowl? Yeah,

Speaker 1 so last year.

Speaker 6 But I think it

Speaker 1 stays that year.

Speaker 6 But he hasn't said anything about it. Yeah, because he knows he has a chance to win the Super Bowl this year.

Speaker 1 Oh, speaking of which, the Washington football team is my last remaining pinky team. Oh, yeah, that's right.
The seven I picked. NFC.
He was the entire NFC.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 Bears, Saints.

Speaker 1 Nine and a half.

Speaker 1 I'm being realistic. I do not think the Bears are going to have a chance in this game.

Speaker 1 Partly because of

Speaker 1 some of the injuries. Roquan Smith being out will be very bad if he is officially out.
Jalen Johnson being out will be very, very bad secondary-wise.

Speaker 1 I'm just...

Speaker 1 They're just not that good. But I'm happy to be there.

Speaker 1 I've been the bargaining phase, PFT, where I'm essentially saying, just give them, give it a one-score game in the fourth.

Speaker 6 Like, let's just make it close, be respectful.

Speaker 1 Let's fucking hang out and have a one-score game in the fourth game. I know that once I get to Sunday, I'll be so jacked up for this game that I won't care.

Speaker 1 But if I'm realistic, cat right now, I just don't...

Speaker 1 I don't see it.

Speaker 1 I don't know. Unless Drew Brees is just more washed than even I think he is, and I probably think he's the most washed person of all time.

Speaker 6 I just don't see it. What about this? If Drew Brees loses, this would be his last game ever.
Yeah. No one's talking about that.
That's true.

Speaker 6 And depending on how things shake out, this could be Drew Brees' last game in New Orleans.

Speaker 1 True.

Speaker 6 And Sean Payton tried to swaggerjack our idea of having the entire stadium turn into a quarantine zone, which I love that Sean actually put feelers out to see if this was possible. Yep.

Speaker 6 That tells me that his head's in the right place where he's like, okay, how many hotels do we need to reserve to have this actually work out?

Speaker 6 And I guarantee you that the city of New Orleans, the hotels down there, if Sean Payton asked them to be like, hey, can you just take a loss on this entire weekend and just like serve as a temporary quarantine facility and not charge people money?

Speaker 6 Right. The hotels in New Orleans would be like, yeah, absolutely.
What else do you need? That's it? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Done.

Speaker 1 The problem that I keep coming up with is that I'm thinking about how the Bears can win this game, and the only things I come up with are not related to the actual game. So it's...

Speaker 1 Well, I guess kind of adjacent to the game. One is the Saints always lose in hilarious fashions and the NFL screws them over some way.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So that's just hoping that some kind of miracle happens in terms of a ref show. And then two,

Speaker 1 that

Speaker 1 maximum pain, like sideshow Bob stepping on a rake or, you know, opening up a door and finding the boogeyman, maximum pain for me and all Bears fans is winning this game somehow.

Speaker 1 feeling like the Bears are actually getting something and then opening that door and it's just Aaron Rodgers Rodgers laughing and doing the fucking stupid discount double check and thrusting his.

Speaker 1 Well, I'm not, you know what? There just wasn't a lot of depth on the thrust.

Speaker 1 I'm not going to say

Speaker 1 talk about another person's private parts. I'm just going to say the thrusts weren't deep.
So that's what he... I opened that door and he's thrusting shallowly in my face.

Speaker 6 Yeah, but then again, you have to think about the fact that Danica is a very small lady. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So probably not a whole lot of hip movement going on.

Speaker 1 No, that's it.

Speaker 4 You would rather have that.

Speaker 6 Well, here's another one. Kamara and the entire running back room might be down with the Coco.
Yep.

Speaker 6 So there's still a chance that the league, and you know that Roger Goodell would like nothing more than to strictly enforce certain protocols on the Saints more so than on other teams. Yep.
Yep.

Speaker 6 And so

Speaker 6 there's a path there for you.

Speaker 6 Shut down the running game, not via your defense, but via league mandate, and then hit Drew Brees enough to the point where he's not injured enough to go out of the game, but he's injured enough to not be able to pass the ball more than five yards downfield to their fifth string running back.

Speaker 6 Yes. So that's the path for you.

Speaker 1 Other painful ways to lose this game.

Speaker 1 Drew Brees gets knocked out in the first quarter and Jameis Winston comes in and just passes all over us. Yeah, yeah.
That would be very painful.

Speaker 6 I think we discussed that earlier in the week, and that would be bittersweet, though.

Speaker 1 I hate putting this out in the universe, but it's something that has crossed my mind, and I have to at least be an open book about it. Kairos Santos has been awesome this year.

Speaker 1 That's another painful thing that I've thought about. So let's just say right now, sitting here on Friday morning, and you're listening to this, I don't feel great, but

Speaker 1 guess what? When I don't feel great, usually that's when I get shocked.

Speaker 6 I still think the Bears cover, though.

Speaker 1 Like, I really did think that in 2018

Speaker 1 they were playing the best, like, top three football team in the NFL. When the double doink happened, I was very confident that they could get a role and have a deep run.

Speaker 1 This is the opposite, so maybe the opposite will happen.

Speaker 6 You were one doink away.

Speaker 1 Maybe the opposite will happen.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Also,

Speaker 6 just putting that out there. Nick Foles comes in the second half.
You'd probably feel good about that, wouldn't you? No. Like, if he came in off the bench in the playoffs, are you out of your mind?

Speaker 1 Yeah, because our offensive line is not good enough to block foods.

Speaker 6 But you're being too logical about the reasons why you wouldn't think Nick Foles would be a fit.

Speaker 1 Nick Foles and plays.

Speaker 6 Weird shit grit happens when Nick Foles comes into the game in the playoffs.

Speaker 1 Guess what? We're in the offs. Not going to apologize.
We're in the offsets. I've been reading articles all week.
It's been exciting to think about Sunday. I'm excited for Sunday to get here.

Speaker 1 I'm excited for the chance that the Bears could maybe pull off a miracle. We're in the Yoffs.

Speaker 1 We're realistically looking at the game. I don't see a path, but that's when.

Speaker 6 Don't count us out. And it's also the

Speaker 6 Nickelodeon game of the week, which is going to be fun. Are you going to watch our Nickelodeon? We're going to watch it here.

Speaker 6 I am absolutely watching it. We're going to have multiple.

Speaker 1 I don't know if we're going to go sound on Nickelodeon, Jake. No, you have to support my friends.
No, you go, Jake. I can't

Speaker 1 all be in here watching. All right, great.
Wait, perfect. Who's announcing it? My friend, Noah Eagle.
Okay. Oh, wait.
Noah Eagle? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Is he related? It's his son, yeah. Oh,

Speaker 6 that's a crazy coincidence that his son is announcing.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
So Bears is happy for him. I'm happy for him.

Speaker 1 I'm happy for you to be happy for him.

Speaker 6 Has he given you any insight into what the different features of the game are going to be in Nickelodeon?

Speaker 1 Way to do your job, Jake.

Speaker 6 I would like to see, personally, the adventures of Pete and Pete, but just have like Peter King and Pete Prisco like at halftime just boxing each other. Yes.

Speaker 6 Just fighting each other with their tiny arms.

Speaker 1 Salute your shorts and they just play the entire game. Everyone, no pads.
I actually like the Bears champions.

Speaker 6 I'm looking forward to this broadcast.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Hank?

Speaker 7 Bears down and half.

Speaker 1 That's the group pick. Yeah.
Sure. We did.
I mean, all those stats that I said for Washington football team count for the Bears. They do.

Speaker 1 The 8-8 are worse teams, 4-0 in their last four times playing in the playoffs. 7-1 in their last 8 games against the spread.
Like, that is, those happen. Everyone's counting out the Bears.

Speaker 1 Don't count out the Bears. I say that.
Did I say that with any kind of confidence? No.

Speaker 6 That was a please, I'm begging you. Please don't count us out yet.

Speaker 1 Oh, I just need to get to game day because once I get to game day, I'm going to be like, yes, this is going to happen.

Speaker 6 What I'm rooting for is either the football team or the Bears. Doesn't really matter which.
I would maybe prefer it to be the football team. But I just like us as a podcast to be

Speaker 6 still happy.

Speaker 6 Because the eventual heartbreak that will happen will be better for the show. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yes. All right.
Last up, Browns, Steelers, Kevin Stefansky, not coaching.

Speaker 1 This is the game where I feel like everyone's like, nah, this is Steelers easy. Even going back to Big Ben

Speaker 1 is never lost to the Browns in Pittsburgh. They have not won.
Cleveland has not won in Pittsburgh in 17 years.

Speaker 1 That's Billy. Pretty much Billy's life.
Big Ben is 24-2 against the Browns. He owns the Browns.
The Steelers own the Browns. They're coaches in coaching.
I feel like the Steelers found something.

Speaker 1 And for that reason, I like the Steelers or the Browns on the spread.

Speaker 6 Okay, how long has it been since they've won in Pittsburgh?

Speaker 1 2003.

Speaker 6 2003.

Speaker 6 Here's something.

Speaker 6 What do you got? I happen to know that there's a Browns fan out there. He's no longer with us.
His name's Scotty Rad. Swagger.
Scotty Rad. Well, there's obviously the team of Destiny.

Speaker 6 Swagger's birthday or no, Swagger's death day is on Super Bowl Sunday, which if the Browns do get to that point, you better lay all your fucking money on the Browns.

Speaker 6 There's a Browns fan named Scotty Rad, and Scotty Rad passed away. Before he passed away, he helped to construct the railway, the light rail outside of Heinz Field in Pittsburgh, right?

Speaker 6 He's a die-hard Browns fan, went to every single game, big party guy.

Speaker 6 While he was constructing that light rail, he buried a Bernie Kosar jersey

Speaker 6 in the light rail overlooking Heinz Field.

Speaker 1 Ooh, to me, this is a Scotty Rad game.

Speaker 6 Okay. This is when his jersey that he put there, and you can ask Bernie Kosar about it.
Like,

Speaker 6 somebody text or tweet at Bernie Kosar.

Speaker 7 Well, he might not remember.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 6 this jersey is going to win the game for the Browns.

Speaker 1 I like it. It's going to happen.
I like it.

Speaker 6 If you're the Browns,

Speaker 1 you got to cheat.

Speaker 6 You also got to cheat. Let me be clear.
You need to cheat this weekend. Cheat.
In terms of... figuring out a way to get Kevin Stefanski to be able to call the players.

Speaker 1 You have to cheat.

Speaker 6 I would love to see the NFL try to bury the Browns.

Speaker 1 And you know what?

Speaker 6 If they do, if the Browns cheat and get caught and win, the NFL is not going to do a shit about it until after they conduct a very thorough investigation and hire some ex-director of the FBI to come in and do it like they did with the Patriots.

Speaker 1 And Ernie O'Coursey. And Ernie Corsi.

Speaker 6 They're not going to do a shit about it until next year. And if you beat the Steelers, I guarantee you Browns fans will be like, yeah, take away our draft picks.
I don't give a shit.

Speaker 6 We beat the Steelers in the playoffs in Heinz Field. Agreed.
Worth it. Cheat.
Browns, cheat as much as you can. Cheat, cheat, cheat.

Speaker 1 Permission to cheat. We are giving you permission.

Speaker 1 We are pardoning you of all cheating.

Speaker 6 Yeah, it's like, you know, if you get into a relationship, a lot of times people will say, I've got a list, a list. Oh, if Scarlett Johansson ever comes on to me, I can do the deed.

Speaker 6 Browns fans, your list is you're allowed to cheat if it means beating the Steelers in the playoffs. Agreed.

Speaker 1 Agreed. All right.
Are you putting it in, Hank?

Speaker 7 What's the official score?

Speaker 1 Oh, we have to score

Speaker 1 on the play bars to lap 27.

Speaker 1 Browns, 27.

Speaker 6 Browns, 27. Steelers 21.

Speaker 1 4.

Speaker 6 24? Yeah, 24. 27, 24.

Speaker 1 Mike Tomlinson going to kick a field goal when he should have gone for it on fourth down to make it a three-point game. Okay.

Speaker 7 Or it'd be a Cody Parkey

Speaker 1 game-winning field goal. Why did you do that? I'm just saying 27-24.
You son of a bitch. 27-24.
I thought about Cody Parkey.

Speaker 6 All right,

Speaker 6 24-24.

Speaker 6 But then they win in overtime on a pick six. So would that be 30-24?

Speaker 6 Cody Parky misses a kick at the end of the game.

Speaker 1 All hope is lost.

Speaker 6 Big Ben either fumbles six or pick six to end the game.

Speaker 1 Dude, how much does it suck to be Cody Parky? Like, I actually, I don't like him, and I don't feel bad for him.

Speaker 1 But did you see?

Speaker 1 So I think yesterday was the anniversary of double doink, and the day before was the anniversary of Auburn versus Florida State. And it wasn't a big kick, but it was a first quarter kick.

Speaker 1 And they're like, and Cody Parky misses the kick. I'm like, holy shit, I forgot he was on Auburn.

Speaker 6 Yeah.

Speaker 1 So he's just got that back-to-back days.

Speaker 6 I also loved when the announcers talked about Heinz Field. They always have to say the swirling wind

Speaker 6 of Heinz Field.

Speaker 6 That's the end zone where the wind swirls a lot.

Speaker 6 Tough place to kick. I just don't, yeah, if Cody Parky kicks into the swirling end, then they're fucked.
Oh, man. But I still think they tie overtime game-winning pick six Browns.

Speaker 1 All right. I have a can't lose parlay for you guys.
Are you ready for it? Are you ready to hear it? It's going to be the most ambitious one I've ever done.

Speaker 1 It's probably going to be like plus 500 by the time that we get it all set up.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 PFT, I think is actually good that I have the Bucs in it, money line. Okay.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Baltimore,

Speaker 1 Bucs, Bills, Steelers, all money line. No spread all money line.
Baltimore,

Speaker 6 Bucs, Bills, Steelers. All money line.
I like it. I like it so far.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Seahawks, Rams, adjusted total, which you can do on the Barstool Sportsbook app, under 51.5.

Speaker 6 Okay. I like that one less.

Speaker 1 But under 51.5?

Speaker 1 Like, think about scores in that game. 27, 24, you win.

Speaker 7 If Jared's not playing, that's money.

Speaker 6 Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then

Speaker 1 Bears

Speaker 1 plus 21.5.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 6 Man, it'd be really fucked up.

Speaker 1 Adjusting that.

Speaker 1 I was like, at first I was like 17 and a half. I was like, nah, let's kick it up a little bit.
But if you hit all of them, the Bears lose about 22. Yeah.
I was going to say, that would suck.

Speaker 1 It'd be very fucked up. I hope that the Nickelodeon broadcast goes off poorly.

Speaker 6 You got to get Slime.

Speaker 1 Oh, Big Cat.

Speaker 6 And you were mean. Instead of Soggy Sorrows, Big Cat's got to do Slimy Sorrows.

Speaker 6 If the Bears blow is can't lose parlay.

Speaker 1 Oh, man, 21.5 points. God, they're going to miss it.
Now that everything's going out there, it's like Kyro Santos misses an extra point. They lose by 22.

Speaker 6 Hank, what's your body telling you? Like this time of year, you should be getting ready for the playoffs. You should be feeling good about it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you're like hormones acting up.

Speaker 6 You should be overconfident. But right now, it's like...

Speaker 1 Well, this is usually like a preparation weekend.

Speaker 7 This is a preparation weekend. I'm usually thinking three weeks ahead.

Speaker 1 Okay. I'm thinking about the AFC Championship.

Speaker 7 Usually, usually my mind is focused on there's no shot we're losing next week. Who are we going to play in the AFC Championship?

Speaker 6 How about this? Which team in the AFC are you most scared about playing in the AFC Championship game?

Speaker 1 The Chiefs.

Speaker 6 Really, not the Bills.

Speaker 7 No, the Bills.

Speaker 1 I mean, we've dominated the Bills for years.

Speaker 1 Who would you want to play in the second round?

Speaker 6 That doesn't matter, right? Because you're going to go to the AFC Championship.

Speaker 1 Right, but who would you? The Colts. The Colts?

Speaker 7 Yeah,

Speaker 7 that happens. It's happened a million times.
Philip Rivers, we play them in the divisional round, smoke them onto the championship.

Speaker 1 Got it. Got it.
Tails oldest time. Good.

Speaker 1 Are you going to have a parlay for us, Billy?

Speaker 6 Yeah, it's going to combine betting the money line dogs, underdogs, and then the favorites, you bet the Super Bowl future to win. Okay.
But you got to make it so that they're...

Speaker 7 All in one pick?

Speaker 1 Yeah, well, you win.

Speaker 6 No, so, for example, Steelers-Browns, you bet.

Speaker 1 Multiple teams can't win the Super Bowl just to get it. I know.
Okay, all right.

Speaker 6 You can't parlay that, though. You don't parlay.

Speaker 1 It's not a parlay. Okay.

Speaker 6 Nothing's parlayed.

Speaker 1 You bet all six underdogs. Moneyline.

Speaker 6 You predict all the favorites to be the Super Bowl winners.

Speaker 1 But they still have to win two more games. Really? And then just to get to the the Super Bowl.

Speaker 6 Then you re-up next week and do the same thing, but you bet the only thing.

Speaker 4 The math checks, there's

Speaker 6 working you said a second.

Speaker 6 Basically the only,

Speaker 6 I'm trying to do it so like you lose all your money if the Chiefs win. That's the only thing.
Which is

Speaker 1 very high.

Speaker 6 That's a very tough thing.

Speaker 1 So I'm still figuring stuff out. Hey, guys, if the Chiefs or Packers win, I'm going to lose everything.
Okay, but

Speaker 1 it doesn't go that way. Well, you're only touching best teams that

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 6 So the bills are like plus 700, and the Saints are plus 750. Right.

Speaker 1 So you're putting a future on all those teams. Yes.

Speaker 6 And then you bet the money line.

Speaker 7 What's the Rams' future right now?

Speaker 6 So then if they lose,

Speaker 1 you won the money line.

Speaker 6 You won the money line, which actually pays for the bet on the future.

Speaker 1 Got it.

Speaker 6 Rams are plus 3,000.

Speaker 1 I actually don't hate this, Billy.

Speaker 6 Like, it's complicated. I still have to figure out the math.

Speaker 1 I kind of don't hate this.

Speaker 6 Because then next week you re-up it.

Speaker 1 You like bet that that you

Speaker 1 you then probably have to bet super bowl the super bowl futures for the chiefs and the packers yep but but then you don't it's it's a it's a very complicated system still working out the kingdom sounds very complicated all right well bet responsibly 1-800 gambler if you have a problem uh the barstool sportsbook app also we are doing a barstool fund thing with the barstool sportsbook app if you're listening to this and you're in the state of pennsylvania or if you live in the neighboring state you want to take a little quick drive if you have not made an account if you make an account this weekend and you deposit and you play with that money, anything you play with, we will then put towards a small business in Pennsylvania.

Speaker 1 The Barstool fund is over $20 million now. It's fucking insane.

Speaker 6 Big Cat, the Bears and the football team are both $10,000 to one to win the Super Bowl right now. Wow.

Speaker 1 Wow. Just saying.
I wouldn't.

Speaker 1 Just saying.

Speaker 4 Yeah, just saying.

Speaker 1 Could we bid on both of them parlayed?

Speaker 6 Yeah, what if we parlayed both of them to lose?

Speaker 6 To not win the Super Bowl.

Speaker 6 What would that return on investment?

Speaker 1 Like a nickel. Yeah.
All right, let's get to our interviews. We got Chris Long.
We're going to break down the quarterbacks for wildcard weekend. Then we have coach Jeff Fisher.

Speaker 8 I'm not going back to college to be your friend. I'm going so I can get Uber One for students.
It saves you on Uber and Uber Eats.

Speaker 8 I'm there for $0 delivery fee on cheeseburgers, up to 10% off smoothies, and 6% Uber credits back on rides. Just to be clear, I'm there for savings, not whatever you think college is for.

Speaker 9 Get Uber One for students, a membership to save on Uber and Uber Eats. With deals this good, everyone wants to be a student.
Join for just $4.99 a month. Savings may vary.

Speaker 9 Eligibility and member terms apply.

Speaker 1 Okay, here he is. Our good friend, Chris Long.

Speaker 1 Okay, we now welcome on our very, very good friend. It's been too long because he's got his own fucking podcast that's been killing it.
It is Chris Long. He's killing it.

Speaker 1 From the Green Light podcast, go download it right now. You can get it anywhere.
Podcasts are available, Spotify, Apple. It is great.
You also have like, you know, Stanford Steve's on it all the time.

Speaker 6 It's a great show.

Speaker 1 It's great.

Speaker 10 Read the green room. You haven't listened to it.
You haven't listened to it.

Speaker 1 It's great. I just said I listened to Stanford Steve.
I'll listen to anything Stanford Steve's on.

Speaker 6 That's actually, it sounded like it was a slap when Big Cat's like, you got all the big name guests, Stanford Steve.

Speaker 1 But in Big Cat's mind, like, Stanford Steve is the top guest in the world. If Steve does something, I'm listening to it.
That's just a fact. Yeah.
So, no, I mean, there's good reason reason for that.

Speaker 1 You, you do have. Well, you get, I mean, you get Howie Long.
We haven't been able to get Howie Long on this fucking show. So,

Speaker 10 well, Howie Long and I have a bit of an agreement.

Speaker 1 You're

Speaker 1 your father?

Speaker 6 You're in his will.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 All right. So, Chris is on.
We're going to talk some football. We're going to talk some wild card weekend.
I had the idea. I want to go through some games, but I also wanted to do a quick.

Speaker 1 I was looking at the games. There's six games, 12 teams.
There's three of us.

Speaker 1 So I figured, let's do a little draft of quarterbacks we trust wild card weekend because we could put it on a nice graphic and then throw it out there on Twitter and everyone will be like, oh my God, how could you pick this guy?

Speaker 1 How could you do this? And we'll also discuss off of it. So you pick and then we discuss the games that are associated with the quarterbacks.
Chris, because you are our guest, we'll let you go first.

Speaker 1 We'll have you go first, PFT, then I'll go and we'll snake back around. So everyone gets four quarterbacks.
Am I doing the math right?

Speaker 6 Four quarterbacks, 12 games. 12 games.

Speaker 1 So wait, we're not including the Chiefs in this. No, Chiefs and Packers are not included in this, which will piss people off, which I actually enjoy.

Speaker 1 Well, yeah, a lot of people won't read the instructions behind this. They're not going to read it at all.

Speaker 6 Also, I think Piquet's just doing this so that Aaron Rodgers doesn't appear on a graphic

Speaker 1 off of our list.

Speaker 1 I actually started to jot it down, and he was my number one. So,

Speaker 10 hey, tell me why

Speaker 10 last night I was getting warmed up for this whole experience.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, it's so

Speaker 1 weekend experience. I woke up this morning.
You can tell the story. Great text to wake up to.

Speaker 1 What? What do you say, Hank? Oh, sorry. You go ahead, Chris.
My bad.

Speaker 10 No, I just

Speaker 10 was just going through YouTube. I'm doing a thing on Bears fans, and you guys are something else.
But

Speaker 10 what does that mean? So I YouTube Bears fan reactions to the Devil Doink. And the first video I see is you, bro.
And for a solid bit, I did not know it was you. You look a bit different now.

Speaker 1 A little fat, a little puffier.

Speaker 1 Me and Eddie, just like Eddie and I, I think there was a moment that you can find online of Eddie and I essentially like holding each other in our arms, in each other's arms.

Speaker 6 Like, like, like the plane is about to go down. I mean, Chris, if you want to get into the fat shit, I saw a clip of you on Twitter the other week.

Speaker 1 I was from like your rookie year or your second year.

Speaker 4 I was big.

Speaker 1 Dude,

Speaker 6 you looked like a fat bastard version of Kyle Trask.

Speaker 1 You had like

Speaker 6 blonder hair, your face was inflated.

Speaker 6 Your face really filled up a football helmet back in the day.

Speaker 10 Dude, the worst look of my life was greasy, no facial hair, college, you know, just eating sodium, you know, off the rails, calories, drinking. And it carried over into my rookie year.

Speaker 10 It wasn't a great look. Okay.
I didn't have any tattoos, really, to speak of. And I was wearing that ugly St.
Louis Rams uniform, and I was 20 pounds heavier.

Speaker 1 I look a lot better now. I think it's fair to say that.

Speaker 10 Don't let anybody tell you your 20s are your best decade.

Speaker 1 Your 30s are your best decade. Oh, I like that.
I like to look forward to it. I like that.
And there's also something, I mean, when you look at a fat picture of yourself, as long as you're not fatter

Speaker 1 while you're looking at it, you can laugh. Like, you sent that video outside the double doink.
I was like, oh, I feel fat right now, like sitting here 2021.

Speaker 1 But looking at that picture, I was like, no, that's real fat, Dan. So

Speaker 10 seeing that video for you is as good as getting in a sauna and just feeling refreshed and feeling slimmer when you get out.

Speaker 1 Exactly.

Speaker 1 That was a great thing to wake up to. Also, I love when I think you were part of the group because you're like, oh, I'm a good teammate of the whole like, oh, it was blocked.

Speaker 1 It was blocked. I want to bring that up.
It wasn't fucking blocked.

Speaker 10 It was. It was tip.
Just a tip, dude. It was just a tip.
Trayvon Hester's tip hit the ball.

Speaker 1 No, it was missing anyway.

Speaker 10 He put his tip right on the ball, and then that guy left the stadium screaming at Corey Parky.

Speaker 1 Cody Parky. Is that his name? Cody Parky.

Speaker 10 And did you ever find that guy that went viral?

Speaker 1 Have you guys had him on the market?

Speaker 1 With Mystery. No.
Don't know. The guy that called him Cocksucker?

Speaker 1 No, shut the fuck up. He doesn't work for you.
Carl. He works for a friend of mine.
I've known him for like a decade. Yes.
Yes. Stop it.
Yes. Yes.
What does he do for a living?

Speaker 1 He blogs, podcasts, red line radio, Great Pie. We'll have to have you go on their show at some point.

Speaker 6 He calls Cody Parkey a cocksucker.

Speaker 1 He's the real media. Yes.

Speaker 10 Has he redacted that since he found out that he was doing it?

Speaker 6 No, he's doubled down.

Speaker 1 And it turns out he was right. No, we actually, the Browns need to hire him

Speaker 1 on layaway on Sunday night just for a reaction when Cody Parkey undoubtedly misses another kick in Heinz Field.

Speaker 1 Oh, you've got to switch the accent.

Speaker 1 Well, the fact that they did Cody Parkey is still going to be in a playoff game, and now he's going to even worse place, like Soldier Field, bad place to kick, Heinzfield, even worse place to kick.

Speaker 1 That will surely not go poorly for him. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 It's so bad. All right, let's go.
Do we were ranking quarterbacks?

Speaker 10 I'm sure there's no catch to this exercise. So I'm just going to

Speaker 10 one of you, motherfuckers, go first.

Speaker 1 No, you go first. There is a goal.
No, it's a real football. It's a real football thing.
It's real football.

Speaker 1 The quarterbacks you trust the most or are playing the best right now, however you want to say it, you convince us. It will be a snake draft.
Let's do it.

Speaker 10 Okay, let's do it.

Speaker 1 Josh Allen.

Speaker 6 Josh Allen, let's go.

Speaker 1 Good pick. Why not? I mean, why not?

Speaker 10 He's legitimately playing the best football right now. So, you know,

Speaker 10 I'm sure some people, I might take take him over almost anybody but Aaron. I might take him over Mahomes right now in this moment.

Speaker 6 He's got a hose, man, and he is making these like incredible throws that I don't think any other quarterback, including Aaron Rodgers right now, can be making.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, he was, he, I had him ranked for I thought maybe there would be a discussion with whoever goes after this,

Speaker 1 but he is playing the best right now. They're out of their mind.

Speaker 10 You know, and he's getting, like, here's the thing about him. A lot of it is Brian Dable.
I read about the Jordan Palmer thing. I don't know if you guys read that article.

Speaker 10 I don't know where you guys are on quarterback gurus and that sort of thing, but you know, he talked about fixing his mechanics. A year one to two jump that's that incremental.

Speaker 10 And then the third one is huge. I mean, it's just, it's been really cool to see.
He's going to get dabble hired, man.

Speaker 1 Brian Dable is going to get it.

Speaker 10 Brian Dable, as I should say, I fucked it up. I mean, I played for him.
Coolest dude in New England, period.

Speaker 10 Like, of all the coaches I met there, and I know you guys are thinking, well, it doesn't sound that cool if he's the coolest dude in New England.

Speaker 10 But there are actually some cool cool coaches up there. That dude is a dude's dude.
And I know that him and Josh are really tight. And he's absolutely going to get a really good job off this.

Speaker 10 The thing I worry about is Josh next year with people being unrealistic about the expectation when you have to switch systems. But right now, give me Josh Allen for the playoffs.

Speaker 1 Okay. I like that.
Good first choice.

Speaker 6 Good first pick. All right, my first pick, the quarterback I trust the most to win me a playoff game.
Nick Foles.

Speaker 1 Nick Foles. I knew it.
He is

Speaker 1 three.

Speaker 1 I thought we were going to do this. Three and one.

Speaker 1 I'm being serious, Big Cat.

Speaker 6 Big Cat told me to, out of all the quarterbacks,

Speaker 6 which one, I didn't see the word starting. Okay.
Which one would I trust? It would be Nick Foles. He's 3-1 in the playoffs.

Speaker 1 Some fun stats about Nick Foles in the playoffs.

Speaker 6 First of all, I mean, he's got... Chris, you're the biggest Nick Foles.

Speaker 10 Let's go metrics on it. He has no metrics on it.
There's a long list of

Speaker 1 things that we could talk about. Look.

Speaker 6 It's a list that's as long as anything you can name.

Speaker 6 26 out of 32 modern-era quarterbacks that are in the Pro Football Hall of Fame, Nick Foles has more playoff wins than them.

Speaker 6 So there are only, what, only six people that have more playoff wins than Nick Foles. Nick Foles might stay in the forest.

Speaker 10 He definitely got Brett Favre in a few categories, doesn't he?

Speaker 6 He absolutely does. He laps them.
But there's regular season quarterbacks, and then there's playoff quarterbacks. Nick Foles might be the best playoff quarterback of all time.

Speaker 1 Okay, Chris, for the record, I did pick

Speaker 1 up straight up with the quarterbacks starting this weekend. That's fine.
I'll go. I have two picks.

Speaker 1 I'll go Russ Wilson. I thought he, so that was the only discussion I thought at the top.
Josh Allen versus Russ, just because Russ has done it.

Speaker 1 But I do agree with you, Chris, that given how Josh Allen's playing right now, I would take Josh Allen over Russ right this second.

Speaker 10 I also like how you called him Russ Wilson. You don't hear that a lot.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's like saying Shaq O'Neal.

Speaker 10 Also,

Speaker 10 yeah, I would agree with you there. I mean, like, I feel like since that MVP run, he was trying to do a little too much.
It was like every play is a step up into the B gap and

Speaker 10 try to float one for the big play. I don't trust that team so much right now.
And it's ironically, because of the offense, they've totally flipped identities.

Speaker 6 Yeah, but I feel like in the playoffs, like Russ is going to cook. Russ is going to

Speaker 6 show up.

Speaker 4 Yeah,

Speaker 1 it's going to be a tough game just because they know each other so well. It's like a Traeger.

Speaker 10 It takes a little bit to warm up, but once it warms up, there's nothing better. That's what Russ is doing.
He's on his Traeger thing right now.

Speaker 1 Green egg, whatever you want to call it. Let Russ grill.
Not going through your entire playoffs. Let's smoke.
Let Russ smoke

Speaker 1 is where you're going, I think.

Speaker 1 How difficult is it really, though, when you're playing in the playoffs? Or maybe it's just a divisional game at the end of the year. Like we always use the cliches.

Speaker 1 It's hard to beat a team three times.

Speaker 4 These teams split, the Rams and Seahawks.

Speaker 1 But does it feel like...

Speaker 1 When you play a team that you just know inside and out, it's just that much harder, and it's always going to be a close game.

Speaker 10 It's funny because I feel like if you're in division, and me and Steve were talking about this by the way great call stanford steve great guest i know you listen to the podcast a lot so you probably heard this but we were talking about the fact that like this is this wild card weekend and wild card weekend was my second favorite sports weekend in in the entire year the first one in the first weekend of march madness i don't know where you guys sit on that but they've made it even better but the byproduct is we're going to get a lot of two week in a row games and a lot of them in division so i don't know how i feel about that i wish the nfl could figure some shit out they just move those 17 week games down to like week 14 or something.

Speaker 10 I would say like you would think some coaches would hold things back week 17, knowing they might play them the next week, but they can't really do that because everybody's trying to get in the in the dance.

Speaker 10 So I think it sucks for the viewer. It makes it even worse when Jared Goff's hurt.
I don't know if it makes it worse or better. I don't know if I'd rather see Wolford.

Speaker 1 Who would you rather see?

Speaker 1 Probably Wolford. I don't think it, I don't, no offense to our friend Jared Goff because he is injured, but I don't think it matters.
That's the point.

Speaker 1 Yeah, like the way they're going to win this game, they're not going to win it by throwing the ball 50 times.

Speaker 10 No, no, and I think Wolfer gives you some, I mean, as we saw last week, hey, listen, I turned that game on last week, and the first thing I heard Romo say was like, Wolfer's really getting off to a bad start.

Speaker 10 I think what he needs to do is get, get hit. And I was like, fuck, this guy must be playing awful because that's what you say when you're out of all the platitudes and that sort of thing.

Speaker 10 But I mean, he threw one nice ball to Robert Woods on the right sideline, tucked it and ran it a couple of times. McVay schemed up some kind of, you know, design runs for him, which was a total shock.

Speaker 10 And you know what? I don't know if you guys noticed this in his interviews, he exudes supreme confidence. He's got those dead eyes, bro.
Yeah.

Speaker 10 Yes.

Speaker 6 He was better than I thought he would be. Maybe it was after he got hit because at the start of the game, he stunk.
And I thought he was going to stink like real bad.

Speaker 6 And I was like, wow, this guy's awful.

Speaker 1 Well, there's a certain amount. You've been around a ton of quarterbacks.
You can tell us if this is totally wrong, but

Speaker 1 I've always thought that a quarterback that doesn't fully understand that they're supposed to suck is actually dangerous. Yeah.
And that kind of absolutely dangerous.

Speaker 10 Just any player that doesn't understand they're supposed to suck is absolutely dangerous. And there's a lot of DBs like that because to play corner, you have to have such supreme confidence.

Speaker 10 Like quarterbacks, usually not that position.

Speaker 10 It is dangerous for the other team and, you know, and

Speaker 10 yourself

Speaker 10 if you don't know that you suck.

Speaker 10 I will say this. That game, the total is sitting at like 42.5.

Speaker 1 Uh-huh. Yeah, under.

Speaker 10 That's snack territory, but I feel like everybody's going to be on it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, those teams, they just played Slogfest. And the Seahawks, like you said, they've totally flipped.
Their defense has gotten better, and their offense has gotten significantly worse.

Speaker 10 Yeah, I don't know what to make of it.

Speaker 10 I will say this, though. I like the Hawks, man.
I just don't see, you know, I just don't see it. This isn't one of those games that you're like, okay, everybody's betting the Hawks.

Speaker 10 And I'm sure most of the storm the Hawks, but

Speaker 10 I would still hammer the Hawks this week. And I do trust Russ.
I'm not trying to heap on him, but it just hasn't been the same.

Speaker 6 I think this is the week that DK goes off because Jalen Ramsey's done a pretty good job of him in their last two matchups.

Speaker 6 I feel like this is this, he's built up enough hatred towards the Rams where they're fine.

Speaker 1 I don't know, man.

Speaker 10 I don't know, man. I felt like

Speaker 10 I feel like they're one of the few teams. And this is the scariest part about

Speaker 10 DK making a playoff run. Like the team that can actually, like, who are the elite corners that he's going to play that can really handle him down the stretch?

Speaker 10 I mean, you're going to, the league has to look at DK. Other DBs are like, oh, shit.
After the first round, there's nobody that can kind of hang with this guy. So, especially on that side of the

Speaker 10 conference division. So, yeah,

Speaker 10 I'm all on the Seahawks. Who's your next quarterback?

Speaker 1 All all right so my next quarterback is so we're doing a snake draft i'll i'll i mean i'll take brady because if you look at the the list of guys after i mean there you got some super bowl winners there

Speaker 1 i so the only thing i with brady and you played with him but a younger a slightly younger version of brady i do have a theory that he doesn't play well at night because he goes to sleep so early is that just crazy or is there maybe a little something to it man i don't know that that's crazy talk i don't know that that's crazy talk at all The Bucs have been bad in prime time.

Speaker 10 Yeah, the entire Bucks, the Buck, the Bucs have been really bad in prime time. Like, I know because I bet the mortgage on them money line against the Saints

Speaker 1 second game. Yep.

Speaker 10 Bro, that was a rough night, you know, trying to do a podcast with that game on in the other room.

Speaker 6 At least they put you out of your misery early. Like, you had no money.

Speaker 1 They put me out of the middle of my misery.

Speaker 10 There wasn't like, you know, I also bet Tampa when they played the Chiefs and, you know, it looked bad early and they closed the distance late. I trust Brady.

Speaker 10 I would have took Brady right now over Russ.

Speaker 1 Ooh. Right now.
Okay. Right now.
I got both. Yeah.

Speaker 6 But what about Brady when he gets hit? He's the opposite of John Wolford, where he's.

Speaker 1 That's what I hear.

Speaker 1 I hear if you hit him, then you just. You hit him.

Speaker 6 If you hit him and that front four.

Speaker 1 If you just loses.

Speaker 6 That front four. You could even expand and say front five or six on the football team.
They'll hit people.

Speaker 1 That's what they do.

Speaker 4 They're hitter-hitters. That's what I hear.

Speaker 1 The Bucs offensive line is good, though. And you could actually, actually,

Speaker 1 you can trace where they kind of got lost this season was when Allie Marpet got concussed and was out for a few weeks.

Speaker 10 That one little shuffle, that one little shuffle throws everything off.

Speaker 10 And like, when you look at Tom this year, it's been funny because everybody's fucking, you know, along the way, like, oh, Tom's done. Tom's this, Tom's that, because it makes for good TV and all that.

Speaker 10 But at the same time, like, who picked them to beat the Saints in that division this year?

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 10 Like, this year was the year of continuity. This year was the year of who's been there the longest, you know, who's rolling right into it.
And the same's for that team.

Speaker 10 They ended up right where we thought they'd be.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 10 11-5, wild card. And they get some people would think the best draw.

Speaker 10 But the funniest shit to me was imagining Tom's kids wearing Philadelphia Eagles gear last Sunday night, hoping that the Eagles beat him so he could see Dallas and didn't have to deal with this front.

Speaker 10 But, you know, you got to deal with this team. And I actually like Washington as well.

Speaker 10 I know you can get them for like, you can get like eight and a half there.

Speaker 1 I got 10.

Speaker 1 Okay. There we go.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I like the football team this weekend.
All right, so that's my

Speaker 6 first and second pick. So my second, I'm going to go.

Speaker 6 This might be controversial. I'm going to go with Big Ben.
I'm going to go with Big Ben, and it's not because I think he's good, because I don't think that Big Ben's good anymore.

Speaker 6 I think he is a guy that, for some reason, he'll just show up on my TV in a big game like this, and he'll just figure out a way to do something weird in the fourth quarter with like three defenders hanging off of him, and he'll throw a little fluttering pass to nobody right in the middle of the field.

Speaker 6 One of his receivers will pick it up and run for 30 yards.

Speaker 10 Do you think that that's coming?

Speaker 10 Because I wonder if, and like, I thought they were playing, it was like they were playing the biggest game of possum in the history of the NFL until the second half of the Colts game

Speaker 10 all year, not extending any plays. Oh, we're not going to get Big Ben hurt.
Well, now is it time to burn the ships and we don't care if he falls apart.

Speaker 10 I mean, Dan, I know you love the bit about, you know, Ben's ailments every week.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but you know, I think at this point, Ben's gonna play through anything.

Speaker 10 I don't care how dramatic he makes it.

Speaker 10 Ben's gonna suit up and play. So I like your idea

Speaker 10 of like extending plays more. Like that's what he's gonna do in the playoffs.
What we saw weeks one through 17

Speaker 10 supposedly he went in the locker room and told Finchner, it's over, buddy. I'm calling the plays now.

Speaker 1 Are you guys buying that?

Speaker 1 I like that pick, PFT, because it is the...

Speaker 1 I also like the fact that they did have essentially their best half of football against the Colts, and then he sat the next week for a mini-bye, and then you hope that you have that kind of continuity.

Speaker 1 And also,

Speaker 1 if we're talking about this weekend,

Speaker 1 we love Browns fans.

Speaker 1 They own the Browns. Big Ben owns the Browns.

Speaker 1 The Browns have not beaten the Steelers in Pittsburgh for as long as Big Ben's been a Steeler. Okay, so

Speaker 6 that's just a fact. So Big Ben in this game.

Speaker 1 They have full custody. Yes, they do.
They have full custody.

Speaker 6 They do.

Speaker 6 He's been a little timid.

Speaker 6 You can even see it on the handoffs that they they were calling for Big Ben against.

Speaker 6 I think the last time that I saw really this be an issue was maybe the first half against the Colts, where he just, he doesn't run to hand the ball off.

Speaker 6 He only calls plays where he gets the ball snapped and then he'll turn his fat belly to the side and hand it off.

Speaker 1 I'm dead serious.

Speaker 6 He's like, go back, watch his handoffs. He is like the worst handoff quarterback.
Well, maybe the most like,

Speaker 6 he's continuing to be.

Speaker 10 That's who we should rank next time. We should rank worst and best handoff quarterbacks in the NFL.

Speaker 6 I've got a list, actually. It's funny you say that.
I've got a list of the best quarters. You do.
It's funny.

Speaker 1 But yeah, you do. Who's your number one?

Speaker 6 Number one right now is

Speaker 6 Taylor Haneke. Oh, he's good at that.
I'm a prisoner of the moment, though. I just saw him play the other week, and

Speaker 6 he showed me a spark. Russell Wilson, great handoff quarterback.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Great handoff quarterback.

Speaker 6 Drew Brees, great handoff quarterback. I can go on.
But with Big Ben, what he's doing is like he's extending

Speaker 6 his own giant play this weekend. So

Speaker 6 he is going to retire, I think, if he loses this game. So Big Ben's essentially playing for his career.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I feel like he's going to retire.

Speaker 6 He's just going to.

Speaker 10 So then who makes a play? Does Pittsburgh make a play for Deshaun with that news that broke earlier that he might be asking for a trade?

Speaker 1 I feel like I see.

Speaker 10 Do the Bears make a play for Deshaun? Do over.

Speaker 1 I mean, they can pull up their extensive scouting they did of him from four years ago where they probably didn't even take him out to dinner.

Speaker 6 Yeah, I mean, Mitch Trubisky's got a higher career winning percentage than Deshaun, so I I think they just took him. Yeah, you're right.
You're right.

Speaker 10 And he outdoed him this year.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's been to the playoffs two out of four years. All right, your next pick.
You have two.

Speaker 10 Okay, so let me ask you this.

Speaker 10 Are we taking into account, is it this player in the current system? Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's everything this weekend. Yep.

Speaker 10 Okay, everything this weekend. I'm going to go.

Speaker 10 I'm going to go Ryan Tannehill.

Speaker 1 I like it.

Speaker 4 I like it. I mean,

Speaker 10 him with Arthur Smith, and this is part of, well, it's not quite Ryan that makes me nervous about hiring Arthur Smith.

Speaker 10 And I think he's done a tremendous job there, but there ain't no Derrick Henry anywhere else in the league right now. So if you're in this hiring cycle, I would be careful.

Speaker 10 I would just be careful if you're looking for an offensive mind. Tannehill, though, has taken full advantage.

Speaker 10 Also, you dudes might be able to weigh in here, but I think probably the biggest brand glow-up in the NFL. He was like the laughingstock, bro, when he was with Gase.
I hated the guy.

Speaker 10 I thought he was fucking annoying. I didn't know him.
I just judged him. He's awesome.
He's like legitimately a top-five quarterback by all the metrics and easy to root for.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'd agree with that. I like that pick because he also, he can do everything.

Speaker 1 Like if you're talking about winning a playoff game, and that's kind of why I went Russ first, like, you know, can you beat, can you beat him with your legs as well when you need to?

Speaker 1 Because you know all these playoff games, there'll be a moment in the fourth quarter where it's like, can the quarterback scramble for six yards when everything breaks down? Tannehill definitely can.

Speaker 6 And I'm like you, Chris. I look at Tannehill and I still think, like, there's a part of my brain that still remembers him on the Dolphins.
I'm like, this guy cannot win.

Speaker 6 Like, we're always going to be waiting for him to take the next step.

Speaker 6 But I still haven't fully caught up to the fact that he has taken the next step and we're watching the next step and that he's actually really good and it's not a fluke. Dude.
But he, yeah, he's.

Speaker 10 His confirmation bias. The confirmation bias is huge.
For him to overcome confirmation bias from Miami, like he is balling, dude.

Speaker 10 I mean, because that's one of the biggest things NFL fans can't, they can't handle when a player changes teams and improves.

Speaker 10 They can't get it out of their head the last contract they were on or the last destination. And it's funny, like now we're doing this whole thing.

Speaker 10 Everybody that leaves New York, we say, oh, look at him now. He's escaped Adam Gase.
Keep it in mind with Sam Darnold. You know, like it applies to Sam, too.

Speaker 10 So, you know, we'll see what happens there. I think that game is going to be fucking fantastic.

Speaker 1 Probably the best game of the weekend.

Speaker 4 Yes.

Speaker 1 Are you,

Speaker 1 you have another pick?

Speaker 10 Probably.

Speaker 10 Oh, in the system. He's in.
I mean,

Speaker 10 anybody snagged Drew Brees yet?

Speaker 1 I know the ball tasked.

Speaker 6 I was going to take Taysom, actually. Washed.

Speaker 1 You were going to take Taysom.

Speaker 6 Yeah, washed. I love the Taysom Hill system.
It's like run directly into this linebacker's face.

Speaker 1 I'll do it again.

Speaker 10 Drop to nine, drift to 11 and to the left, and hit Mike Thomas on a crosser.

Speaker 7 He's wide open.

Speaker 1 Is there, now, Chris, don't give away too much here because I don't want you to get in trouble.

Speaker 1 But is there a drug that training staffs can shoot you up with where you're like, hey, I'm retiring in three weeks? Can you just make me 10 years younger real quick?

Speaker 10 I don't think so, but I know there's probably a lot of people. I think there's probably more dudes on stuff in the league than you think.

Speaker 1 Ooh, okay. Headline graph.

Speaker 10 I know that's probably going to be the social.

Speaker 6 What percentage of dudes are on stuff?

Speaker 10 No idea because it's so clandestine.

Speaker 10 Like, I've never seen it, but I know some people are on, like, just, I know, like, I know some guys coming back from some injuries, some guys playing deep into their careers at a really high level.

Speaker 1 And, like, dudes get popped.

Speaker 1 You know, and

Speaker 10 you're talking about Tom Brady's on the juice.

Speaker 1 You're talking about Tom Brady. Oh, you said it, not me.
A follow-up question to PFT's question,

Speaker 1 how many dudes are on the stuff? How many different things are the dudes doing?

Speaker 10 I think probably an endless amount. I mean, I can't even.

Speaker 10 It's vitamin C and glucosamine for me. So, like, you're talking to the wrong fucking guy.
I don't know. I don't know, Dick, about you know some of the things that I

Speaker 10 would say probably

Speaker 10 five to seven different types of things.

Speaker 1 With the dudes.

Speaker 6 All right.

Speaker 6 Do dudes share stuff or is it like every dude for themselves?

Speaker 10 I would hope not. I would hope that maybe before the pandemic, people were sharing needles, which was not a good idea.

Speaker 10 But afterwards, I think we should all get to a point where we don't share any more needles.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 6 vitamin C, or you're talking about Chiba for yourself, right?

Speaker 1 I like this. Vitamin Chiba.
How COVID made the NFL safer because now we're not sharing our steroids. Exactly.

Speaker 1 You're on to stuff. By the way, just give us one quote.

Speaker 6 Percentage of dudes on stuff.

Speaker 10 Oh, man. I really don't know, honestly.
And I don't want to go down that road, to be honest.

Speaker 6 The quote is literally going to say 40% of dudes are on stuff. Chris Long.

Speaker 1 Stuff could mean anything.

Speaker 6 Stuff could mean protein.

Speaker 10 Oh, yeah, 20, 21%.

Speaker 6 21% of NFL dudes are on stuff.

Speaker 6 i like it breaking news yeah just stuff just stuff um am i up yeah you're up okay my last pick no you have you we're coming back around oh got lost in the snake i'm out of practice with snake drafts uh i'm gonna go

Speaker 6 i'm gonna go with uh

Speaker 6 baker i'm gonna go with baker now i know he doesn't have much of a system his system this weekend is like hope that he has wide receivers and a coach that he speaks the same language as because it's not gonna be stefansky in his ear.

Speaker 6 But I don't know.

Speaker 6 I think he's good enough. He's been playing good enough.
He's got his team into a rhythm. They seem like they've been having fun.
And it's weird to say, but Baker is better without Odell Beckham.

Speaker 6 He's figuring out a way to do it with an offense that is missing what was supposed to be his key target. He's got a rhythm going.
And so

Speaker 6 I feel like Baker would be next on my list.

Speaker 10 It was just, yeah,

Speaker 10 it was never about what was around him.

Speaker 10 It was about how are you utilizing him? Are you moving the pocket? Are you making things manageable for him? And I think Kevin was the most under the radar grade hire.

Speaker 10 They looked at Kevin Stavansky like he's so young. He's just, because he kind of looks young, even though he has gray hair, which is a weird thing.

Speaker 10 But like, fucking guy was in Minnesota longer than Mike Zimmer. Okay.
Like the guy had been there forever and was a big part of what they did.

Speaker 10 And you talk about like repurposing Kirk Cousins and making him look good and teaching him stuff about, you know, the rollouts and that sort of thing, play action. Bake's been pretty good.

Speaker 10 I got to hand it to him. And it makes the commercials even better because I think he's a great actor.

Speaker 6 Well, that's my biggest red flag, actually, about Baker, is his acting is too good.

Speaker 6 Really? You look back at the great quarterbacks, and like, you know, Peyton Manning was a great actor, too, and he didn't win a Super Bowl until he was like 55. O.J.

Speaker 10 Simpson was a great actor.

Speaker 6 Yeah, exactly. That's a big red flag.
That's not good.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 How much does it actually matter that Kevin Fancy's not going to be able to call plays?

Speaker 10 I do think it matters, but you know what? The funny thing, Dan, is like this year, you look at it when the news broke out. I think it was like Tuesday, right?

Speaker 10 Okay, the biggest prep day in the NFL is Wednesday. They've been doing things exactly like they did it this week all year long, Zoom meetings.
I mean, you know,

Speaker 10 that's been the thing. So I think that like from a Monday through Saturday perspective, they're fine.
But on Sunday, there is an adjustment. You can script.
And Orlovsky hit this.

Speaker 10 And Orlovsky's my guy. He hit this after he was done crying in his pillow about tanking this week.

Speaker 10 He gathered himself and shot off this tweet that I thought was very insightful.

Speaker 10 It was that Van Pelt's going to call the plays in the first quarter and have no trouble because it's scripted out.

Speaker 10 But two through four is where things start to rely on instinct, experience, and it's more of a crapshoot. So I think early on, they really need to

Speaker 10 build a lead, to be honest, in my opinion, because it's going to be kind of a shit show the last three quarters, or it could be.

Speaker 10 Now, as far as like throwing challenge flags and that sort of thing, they're going to have the head coach, you know, in effect, the special teams coach is going to do the clock shit and et cetera.

Speaker 6 There should be a clock coach. I agree with that.

Speaker 6 I think that every single team in the NFL, unless your head coach is like, I don't know, a numbers guy and has played a shitload of Madden, you need to have a guy whose only job is to manage situationally.

Speaker 6 Like how many timeouts do we have? What does the clock say? What's the down and distance? And just handle all that shit on his own.

Speaker 10 And most guys have a guy, right? Like they kind of have a guy, but it depends on how much of it the coach trusts, like with other people, I feel like. And some coaches try to do everything themselves.

Speaker 10 I would ask you this. I know it's probably illegal to send in communications into the stadium for Kevin Stavansky.

Speaker 10 How would you guys crack the code on getting a play call into Van Pelt, say in the second quarter?

Speaker 6 Smoke signals? Beeper. I think.
We just have Chris Long just hitting a bong outside the stadium with a plank on top of it.

Speaker 1 You guys smoke bongs, dude.

Speaker 10 Do you guys smoke bongs?

Speaker 1 You don't? You know? I've got a gravity bong. No, definitely not.
I'm not 22 anymore.

Speaker 1 Right. I'm like, isn't that a kid thing, kind of?

Speaker 1 I'm going to smoke a bong if I'm ready to be high for the next week.

Speaker 10 Well, not just that. You got to have the black light posters and such.
And you got to be real heady to do the, like, you have a bunch. If you have a bong, you have a ton of paraphernalia.

Speaker 6 Yeah, no, I'm actually more of the edible guy. So I'll make my own.

Speaker 6 I made some brownies, took them over to my neighbor the other day. She's 60.

Speaker 1 I have no idea if she got high.

Speaker 6 And she was like, thank you so much.

Speaker 6 I'm a drug dealer.

Speaker 1 My mom.

Speaker 10 Have you checked on your 60-year-old neighbor?

Speaker 1 Yeah, she's great.

Speaker 6 She made me lunch. She brought over a paper-bagged lunch the other day to say thank you.

Speaker 10 So not only did you risk her having a massive panic attack four hours after you left, but also you could have given her COVID.

Speaker 7 What if she was like, I'm going to be a fatty today?

Speaker 1 I just ate like four.

Speaker 6 No, I told her, like, be very careful. She told me, she was like.
I want, I was like, I have some brownies if you'd like some. And she was like, thank you for offering.
That's so nice of you.

Speaker 6 My plans tonight are just to kick back and watch The Last Waltz.

Speaker 6 freak out how much should i eat and i was like if you're watching the last waltz eat like a penny sized part of this brownie and do a lot of coke and just go feel young just and just enjoy and she was like she was like it was a great experience i had the time my life thank you if you ever make me bring it over they were gonna team i'm team edible too yeah team edible now we're all right i think it's my pick uh but no no to answer your question actually chris long like i would uh I would cheat.

Speaker 6 I would just cheat if I were the Browns. Yes.
I would count on the fact that the NFL would not be searching my coaches' pockets for cell phones or like an Apple Watch.

Speaker 6 Just wear like an Apple Watch that shows the messages come up. And to be honest, the NFL should let the Browns cheat in this circuit.

Speaker 10 Absolutely. The NFL should let the Browns cheat for all the differences.
Like this is unprecedented. This is a playoff game.
This could be a cash cow for you. You want Cleveland in the playoffs.

Speaker 4 Cleveland in the playoffs is good for the NFL, man.

Speaker 10 So find out where the cellar door is in Baker's house and sneak that fucker in the bottom and send up, I don't know, like some sort of hidden message.

Speaker 1 Yes. All right.
I have my last two. Can't believe he's lasted.
I'm the one who calls him a fraud, but I guess I'm the biggest fan now. Lamar.
How about Lamar? I wanted to get Lamar late.

Speaker 1 Still doesn't want to play off game. I do think he's going to win on Sunday, so I think you get that monkey off his back.

Speaker 6 I like the Titans.

Speaker 1 Oh, you do? Okay. All right.

Speaker 1 They're so bad defensively. I know everyone.
I know they are, but where are they bad?

Speaker 10 This is the best matchup for them.

Speaker 10 Like, literally, Baltimore doesn't do the things that would challenge them.

Speaker 1 Not to get the football easier.

Speaker 1 Here is where they are bad, and this is where it would hurt, is that they have the worst third-down defense in the league, and you're going up against a team in Baltimore that has no problem going forward on fourth as well.

Speaker 1 So, I think that makes sense. And even bad.

Speaker 10 And they've been bad against the Titans in short yardage and in the red zone. The playoffs last year, Lamar had 500 yards of offense.
They come up with 12 points.

Speaker 1 Yep.

Speaker 10 Played poorly. Yeah, a lot of drops.

Speaker 10 the revenge game this year you know like we keep talking about a revenge game they had their chance week 11 and tennessee played bad yeah tennessee played bad dude it's true so if you remember the way that game ended i mean they they finished the game bullying the season that's the whole thing can you imagine if baltimore loses this game people are going to be saying fraud like loudly yeah but on the other hand about the team about the team not you know like because on the other hand it's like the uh the ravens don't have the expectations that they had last year and so to be a true fraud yes you have to be like league MVP and then Peter out in the playoffs.

Speaker 6 And then you have to have this like narrative that gets built around you: of you're very good in the regular season, but you stink in the playoffs.

Speaker 6 This year, Lamar wasn't, I mean, he was good, but he wasn't

Speaker 6 world-beating in the regular season. He didn't have an MVP season.

Speaker 10 It's funny because the team is, if you're a if you're a defensive player, you're like, you're dreading playing them. Because, like, you think Pittsburgh wants to play them again?

Speaker 10 No, dude, they almost beat him with RG3.

Speaker 10 By the way, next to Ryan Tannehill, another great brand reversal. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's great.

Speaker 10 Who's rebranded themselves better than RG3?

Speaker 10 And it's been as he's gotten worse as a player, the brand's gotten better. Yeah.
And for Tannehill, it's the opposite.

Speaker 6 He's the backup quarterback that I like to see come in the most just because you honestly have no idea what's going to happen. Anything could happen.
No idea.

Speaker 6 There's no predictability at all when RG3 is in the game, good or bad. None.

Speaker 1 All right, my last pick.

Speaker 1 You know what? Fuck it. I'll just go with Mitch.
I don't... I'll go with Mitch.
Fuck it. Because Goff's finger or thumb is hurt, so we don't know if he's going to play.

Speaker 1 I do not trust Phillip Rivers outside. I'll go with Mitch.
He might be in the category, Chris, of what we just talked about. Like,

Speaker 1 you know, I'm not supposed to win this game. You know, no one expects anything out of me here.
I might just win this game.

Speaker 10 Well, who's the most, who's the, who, who got bad most since they played each other? I mean, it was during the Nick Foles hot and cold streak, which is like the life of watching Nick Foles.

Speaker 10 Like, it's going to be really hot some days. It's not going to be so good some other days.

Speaker 10 But like, I feel like the Bears have figured some things out late, and they're kind of in the same category as the Ravens. And I'm not comparing the two teams.
Don't get me wrong.

Speaker 10 Don't take me out of context here. You probably will just because I said that.
But the Bears have played nobody and got propped up because there's this second coming of Mitch.

Speaker 10 And by the way, you Bears fans, I love you guys. There's a thin line between the Bears are back and the guy cussing out Corey Parkie walking out of the stadium.

Speaker 10 You guys emotionally are just so up and down. Well, don't jump out of the gym here because the offensive production against the teams he had production against late in the year.

Speaker 10 Are you going to re-sign him, Dan?

Speaker 1 No, probably not. And I don't think they should.
But to explain it,

Speaker 1 I want the Bears to be good so badly, but I also know that they're not. So it's like one of those situations where if they have a good play, I'm like, the Bears are back.

Speaker 1 But really deep down, I know I'm fooling myself and it's just an inevitable heartbreak waiting to happen.

Speaker 10 It's like being an older player in the NFL. Yeah.
You think you can will yourself to be good. You just can't.
You're old.

Speaker 1 Right. If I tweeted it enough, maybe it will happen.
It has not happened. Yeah.
All right. Your last pick, PFT.

Speaker 6 My last pick, I mean, I have to take, I got to go with the combination of Alex Smith and Taylor Heineke.

Speaker 6 We don't know who's going to be playing, but there was like some rumor that got put out there yesterday that they're going to A-B him. They're going to rotate.

Speaker 6 Taylor Heineke and Alex Smith, which I feel like is a smart move because the defense isn't going to know, like, do we prepare for the show-stopping athleticism of Alex Smith or the Taylor Heinekeness of Taylor Heineke?

Speaker 6 And so like

Speaker 6 it's a nightmare. Defense coordinators are going to be staying up at night trying to figure that one out.

Speaker 10 I think they already are.

Speaker 1 Yep.

Speaker 1 They're reading the same stuff.

Speaker 10 I think they're reading the same. They haven't slept all week.

Speaker 1 Cold sweats.

Speaker 10 So I got a pick now?

Speaker 1 Yeah, you got your last pick. You know what I hate?

Speaker 10 And did we do this on purpose?

Speaker 10 You know, I wanted to take Phillip Rivers a lot earlier. I really did.

Speaker 1 Oh, Goff's not getting picked now, though. Well, no, it's John Wolfer.

Speaker 6 It's John Wolfer. Hank's number one pick will be Jared Goff.
Yes.

Speaker 1 So we'll have Hank Goff to the side. But we don't know if he's playing.
We don't know if he's playing. And also, you can blame PFD because he picked a backup with his first pick.

Speaker 1 Nick fucking Foles

Speaker 1 who beat the Pankao.

Speaker 10 Did you guys see the, I got Phillip Rivers, but did you see the backup quarterback for the Cardinals had a sleeve tattoo?

Speaker 1 Yeah, he was something else. Striveler? Don't see that a lot.
Did he have

Speaker 10 a visor, too?

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 he looked like an Aussie punter who just they threw in there to be like, here, I'm trying to play.

Speaker 10 You're just thinking about the Miami guy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's awesome.

Speaker 10 The Miami punter who's like 32. He's like, this guy is killing it down there.

Speaker 6 Kristen, is there some truth to our theory that quarterbacks with visors can't win Super Bowls?

Speaker 10 All right, so I know there's a catch here.

Speaker 1 Who had a visor? No, no, there's not. It's never happened.
People try to prove us wrong because Jim McMahon wore a visor later on in his career with the Chargers.

Speaker 10 Okay, well, Nick Foles won one for your team as well. He wore one.
He didn't win one with your team, but he wore a visor. If you didn't catch that, Dark Visor, Nick Foles, the guy who did all that.

Speaker 1 He took it off.

Speaker 1 That was the whole problem. Yeah, he took it off and beat the Falcons.

Speaker 6 Because the only quarterback that's played, I think Big Ben played in a Super Bowl with a visor, but they lost that one.

Speaker 1 Cam might have too. But Cam lost

Speaker 1 in 2012.

Speaker 6 There are a few quarterbacks that have played in Super Bowls and lost wearing visors, but you never win a Super Bowl with a visor. Think about it.

Speaker 1 Think about it.

Speaker 10 I am thinking about it, and I think you guys got a good point.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 6 I do have one last question for you. So

Speaker 6 do you regret back in, was it 2017, We had you on the show when you announced that you weren't going to go to the White House. That was a weird thing for you to say.

Speaker 6 Do you regret not going to the White House so you couldn't say to Donald Trump, hey, if you ever don't get elected, then you should peacefully transition out of power?

Speaker 6 Like, I feel like that's a lot on you, Chris, because you had that moment to impact future policy, and you passed it.

Speaker 1 I could have disagreed with you.

Speaker 10 I was told by a lot of people that I should have took the meeting.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
Yes.

Speaker 6 Do you regret not taking the meeting?

Speaker 1 You could have changed policy. It could have been me.
It could have been me.

Speaker 1 And worse, you get a free Big Mac.

Speaker 10 Free Big Mac would have been great.

Speaker 1 It would have been great.

Speaker 10 Who was it, Clemson?

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 Those guys looked really happy to be getting that rule.

Speaker 6 Honestly, I would have loved that.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that ruled. If I showed up in a room and there was four different types of fast food, just endless supply, I would have been like, this fucking rules.

Speaker 10 Well, what about after COVID? Are you just a table full of

Speaker 10 hamburgers with condiments on them just sitting out there for an undetermined amount of time? You're eating them

Speaker 6 i don't like room burgers because i feel like anything that you leave out food in general if you leave out uncovered it just takes on the taste of the room but if it's in the cardboard box still like if it's a quarter pounder's the room huh yeah if it if it's been out in like a box for five hours but it's still inside that quarter pounder cardboard box i'll still eat that absolutely No problem.

Speaker 1 No problem.

Speaker 10 You know what?

Speaker 10 On a serious note, though, when we did that, you guys felt bad because it actually blew up that I wasn't going to the White House before the game and I was just getting crushed for the entire game.

Speaker 1 Yep. Yep.
I do feel bad about that. But you're a good friend.
Everyone, go download the Green Room podcast.

Speaker 6 It's Green Light.

Speaker 1 Green Light. Oh, yeah.
Fuck. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Matthew McConaughey.

Speaker 1 Did I say Green Room to start?

Speaker 6 No, you said Greenlight to start.

Speaker 10 You guys had Matthew McConaughey on. His book's called Green Light.
He ripped our pot off.

Speaker 7 Yes, he did.

Speaker 1 Straight up. Totally.
Straight up. Totally.
All right, Chris. Thanks, bro.

Speaker 10 Thanks, dudes.

Speaker 12 Hey, this is Rhea from Chicks in the Office. and this season, we're heading home for the holidays with Abercrombie and Fitch.
We all know our calendars are about to get chaotic.

Speaker 12 For non-stop plans, Abercrombie has the pieces to curate your perfect seasonal wardrobe: sweaters and denim for casual plans, party dresses for nights out, and comfy matching sets for everything in between.

Speaker 12 Keep the chaos cute this season in Abercrombie. Shop their new holiday outfits in the app online or in stores.

Speaker 6 And now, here's Jeff Fisher. And now for something completely different.

Speaker 1 Okay, we now welcome on recurring guest, good friend of the program. It is Coach Jeff Fisher.

Speaker 1 We wanted to have him on talk a little football, maybe talk about his return to Twitter, maybe talk about his return to football. Coach,

Speaker 1 let's do the small talk first. What's the biggest fish that you have caught in the last

Speaker 1 four months?

Speaker 11 Oh, boy. Well, let's see.
I slammed a grand Mexican Grand Slam is a permanent, a tarpon, and a bonefish in the same day. I did that right after the area, Ascension Bay opened down in Mexico.

Speaker 11 And then I stuck about a 20-pound steelhead in Alaska right about the first of October, first or second week of October. So

Speaker 11 that would probably be the biggest one. Kind of put the rod up since things.
It gets cold up there, man. Fish to go to sleep, they hibernate.
Yeah, haven't been doing much yet.

Speaker 11 But that was, yeah, thanks for asking.

Speaker 6 Yeah, we still gotta

Speaker 6 get you and Hank going hand fishing at some point soon. That's gonna be like the ultimate outcome.

Speaker 11 Yeah, ice fishing. How about ice fishing? Let's just stand out there and freeze your ass off.

Speaker 6 So, when you go ice fishing, though, like the most important part is you just sit in a shed drinking beer all day, right?

Speaker 11 Hey, Dan, let me tell you. Remember Mark Borts,

Speaker 11 guard, Iowa,

Speaker 11 you know, 85 Bears.

Speaker 11 He was a starting guard when we were playing after the season was over. He went up in Wisconsin someplace ice fishing.
He fell through the ice

Speaker 11 ice fishing, pulls himself out somehow and keeps fishing.

Speaker 1 That's a football guy. That's a football guy.

Speaker 11 That's a football guy.

Speaker 11 That's a defensive lineman. That's a defensive alignment converted to guard for you.

Speaker 1 Yes, yes.

Speaker 1 All right. So we got playoffs coming up.
Let's talk playoffs and then we're going to talk about what you got cooking. But

Speaker 1 the big picture, do you have like an AFC, NFC team maybe that you have your eye on? You're like, ooh, they're playing some good ball.

Speaker 1 I kind of like the way they're playing coming down the stretch here, going into the playoffs.

Speaker 11 Yeah, I mean, COVID aside, I mean, everything's so different right now. There's no home field advantages.

Speaker 11 You know, I mean, the week off for the two teams is going to be a little different, and that you're going to be concerned that someone's going to go out and go into the protocol.

Speaker 11 But COVID aside, we have to talk about what happened last weekend. 650 yards rushing between the Ravens offense and the Titans offense

Speaker 11 last weekend.

Speaker 11 That's unheard of. So this is going to be, I think it's going to be a great matchup, Ravens, Titans at Tennessee.

Speaker 11 You got Derrick Henry just trying to keep the plane keep away from them, and there's no telling what Lamar's going to do. So I think that's a great one to watch.

Speaker 11 And obviously, you know, I've done some things early in the week, you know, talking about the matchup. I mean, there's been 25 matchups and the Titans lead the series 13 to 12 or something like that.

Speaker 11 But,

Speaker 11 you know, this is the third time they're going to play in the calendar year. And for a team to beat another team three times in the calendar year.

Speaker 11 I don't know if that's been done since we beat Jacksonville back in 99. But I think that's a great game to watch.

Speaker 11 You know, the other thing is just a quarterback play.

Speaker 11 I think that's it's gonna come down to it i mean the bears are gonna be you know it's gonna be rough go when you know you've got um you know mitchell you know team it up against against drew i think that's gonna be a uh you know a difficult task for the bears but i think there's great games all over and teams have played themselves recently i mean you got the rams going to seattle they played a couple weeks ago and then Cleveland at Pittsburgh.

Speaker 11 I mean, they know each other. So a lot of good things to watch.
But I think that Titans-Ravens game is going to be a real interesting game to watch.

Speaker 11 And again,

Speaker 11 it's hard to pick anybody other than the two teams that are watching this weekend, and

Speaker 11 that's Kansas City and Green Bay. The way those two quarterbacks were playing, I mean, you got to give them

Speaker 11 the best chance, I think.

Speaker 6 So with the Titans and the Ravens and the Rams and the Seahawks, I mean, you could say that those are two franchises that Jeff Fisher personally turned around, that he engineered, and now they're very successful teams in each conference.

Speaker 6 Your fingerprints are all over the roster. So, if you were still coaching the Rams, how would you go about engineering this weekend's victory against the Seahawks?

Speaker 11 Well, I do the same thing Sean's doing right now: not tip a hat on who's going to play quarterback. Not that it really matters up there, but I mean, it does.

Speaker 11 I mean, obviously, you want a healthy Jared Goff, but you know, Jared being able to throw the football practices or clothes, you know, thumb surgery and all that stuff.

Speaker 11 You know, you got to question, you know, his accuracy. And one's going to assume he's going to be in shotgun an awful lot, but it just remains to be seen.
If he can't play, then Wolford's going to go.

Speaker 11 And, you know,

Speaker 11 it was an admirable effort, you know, last week

Speaker 11 and the way he played. And they found a way to beat Arizona.
So,

Speaker 11 you know, you got the great matchups there with Ramsey and the big receiver and all kinds of stuff. But, you know, Russell is...
Russell's a tough guy to beat up there, especially in the playoffs.

Speaker 11 So, you know, I don't know

Speaker 11 what you tell the Rams other than

Speaker 11 find a way to run it and

Speaker 11 keep Russ off the field.

Speaker 6 You mentioned playing a team three times in a season. What about playing teams back-to-back? So back-to-back weekends.
I'm looking at the Steelers-Browns.

Speaker 6 So the Browns going into week 17, they knew they had to win. So I don't think they left a whole lot in the tank.
They probably just tried to win that game any way they could. The Steelers.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 11 I mean,

Speaker 11 speaking of leaving things, I mean, Pittsburgh left after team.

Speaker 1 Right. You know,

Speaker 11 they didn't, you know, and so, you know, I mean, that's good. I mean, you get the guys get a chance to rest.

Speaker 11 I'd like Cleveland right now, the way they're playing. I mean, they're running the football.
The back is a beast. I mean, no one gets a lot of attention.

Speaker 11 And, you know, I mean, I think the quarterback's going to have a big game for him. He's ready.
He's so, you can tell he's just really focused.

Speaker 11 And so, I mean, I think that's going to be, it's going to be a tough go for Pittsburgh. You know,

Speaker 11 Ben's had a week off. He's banged up.
You know, they're not using any play action at all in their offense. And, you know, it's quick drop back and run the football.

Speaker 11 But, you know, this could be a defensive game. Somebody can make a big play on defense to push them through and put next step in the playoffs.
But,

Speaker 11 you know, they know each other. Everybody in the division knows each other right now.
So,

Speaker 11 you know, now Cleveland didn't hold back. I mean, they did everything.

Speaker 11 they could to get in the playoffs last week but um you know they changed game plans there's a you know when you got a playlist, you know, when you're an offensive play caller and you got a, you know, your call sheet, you know, the game's over, you've gone through half of it.

Speaker 11 You get, and you, you typically go, gosh, I wish I'd have done that or I wish I'd have done this off the call sheet in retrospect.

Speaker 11 Well, they got a chance to do those things that, you know, they didn't dial up last week.

Speaker 6 Where do you stand on the rest versus rust argument? So obviously the Steelers, they're more of the rest.

Speaker 6 But is there a possibility that you give an older guy too long off and he gets too sore, he kind of loses the feel for the game.

Speaker 6 Are you of the mindset, like when you were coaching, would you try to, you know, would you look down on wresting players in week 16, 17?

Speaker 6 Is it more of like, let's keep these guys going so they have a rhythm getting into the playoffs?

Speaker 11 Yeah, I mean, I think you got to look at them individually. Now, I mean, you could say that Ben doesn't need, doesn't need to work, but I think a lot of the players need work.

Speaker 11 I mean, I think the rest thing's overrated.

Speaker 11 And I point this out to you guys.

Speaker 11 You know, in a normal situation, a normal season, when a team has an in-season bye week, for example, and they come off and they play the next week, the statistics, whatever they are, I mean, at one point,

Speaker 11 I mean, it's hard to get going again after that week off. So, you know, good teams have tendencies to struggle after the bye week.
And, you know, some teams, I mean, the numbers are there.

Speaker 11 The point is, is that,

Speaker 11 you know, personally, I'd rather just play. Just go play.
If somebody needs the time off, then give them the time off. You're going to get a couple of guys back because of injuries.

Speaker 11 But, you know, beyond that, you guys need, they need to stay. They're banged up.
They're not putting pads on practice. If they are, they're not hitting.
And guys just need to focus on the kickoff.

Speaker 11 And so I think, you know,

Speaker 11 waiting two weeks is difficult. I mean, this came up earlier in the week.
I mean, we had a week off in the number one seed against Baltimore in 2000. And, you know, we lost.

Speaker 11 And that was a better team than we had to 99 in the Super Bowl. You're here in Tennessee.
You know, they didn't get but five first downs in the game.

Speaker 11 We blocked two punts, and they went sideways out of bounds, and ball bounces off Eddie George's shoulder.

Speaker 11 Ray Lewis runs it back for touchdown, and we're standing there looking around going, what happened? And we had the week off, and I don't think we benefited from it at all.

Speaker 1 So, coach, I know I've talked to you privately, but

Speaker 1 it's coach hiring season right now. There's some openings out there.

Speaker 4 Do you want to get back into it?

Speaker 1 I mean, I assume you want to get back into it. And are you also thinking maybe like, I don't know, front office, putting together a roster? Like, I know that you love football.

Speaker 1 So I want to see you get back into football in some capacity. Where is that at right now?

Speaker 11 Well, Dan, I appreciate it. I mean, I've, you know, I've been fishing, but I've also been paying, you know, close attention to what's going on.
And I've watched the hires

Speaker 11 since I got let go in L.A. And, you know, there's obvious trends there.

Speaker 11 And,

Speaker 11 yeah, I have an interest. I feel good.
I know what's going on. I got a a staff ready to go.
And, you know,

Speaker 11 it's a matter of fitting in the right place at the right time. And, you know,

Speaker 11 if the National Football League and those people making the decisions think that

Speaker 11 I had a good run and my time's up, then. Yeah, I'll definitely consider something along those lines.
I mean, you and I talked. I think,

Speaker 11 you know, there's no substitute for experience, as you can, you know, you can make the argument.

Speaker 11 I mean, the things that I've gone through over the last, over the 20 years as a head coach, you know, they're unmatched, whether it's social injustice or diversity, you name it.

Speaker 11 You know, young coaches are going to come in the league right now and they're play callers and they're all excited because they get the call plays and put a roster together.

Speaker 11 And after two years, I guarantee you ask them, did you ever imagine to have these things come up, the non-football or the non-

Speaker 11 football associated things, the off the field or these issues or those issues? And they can't, you know, they can't comprehend the things that come up.

Speaker 11 I've been through all that stuff and you know as you said earlier we we put together you know over our careers with a lot of help i had a lot of help with two pretty we built two pretty good franchises that that you know that we took over that were both two and 14 and you know as as as we discussed i mean i you know i've coached two teams in five different cities and six different stadiums and moved two of them and you know it's all about having a quarterback and you you go in someplace that's got a quarterback or you go someplace that doesn't and you can build a program and the key to building programs nowadays is is being able to sustain it and understand you know how to build a roster and how to maintain the roster and how to project it several several years in the future as far as putting those pieces together so yeah i feel like i i'm not detached at all i've been in it and you know i have to be honest with you i've you know i've dabbled a little bit in the college game as well i mean i've talked to several programs over the last couple years it wasn't right but you know i i understand

Speaker 11 that side of it. And as pro coaches are going to college, you've got college coaches

Speaker 11 coming to the NFL because

Speaker 11 they're a little leery of what the future holds with respect to the transfer portal and things like that. So all options are open to me right now.

Speaker 11 If it happens, I'll be forever grateful. If it doesn't, then I still have some cool things ahead of me to do.

Speaker 6 Yeah. What about another franchise that's moved recently,

Speaker 6 San Diego to Los Angeles, the Chargers, maybe

Speaker 6 get you and Greg Williams back together, Dr. Heat,

Speaker 6 get the old band back together, coach out in L.A.

Speaker 6 Yeah, Justin Herbert.

Speaker 11 Before that happens, I got to sit down and have a long talk about Greg's philosophy at the end of the game. Now,

Speaker 11 I wouldn't have let him do that had he been working for me. And, you know, and

Speaker 11 I'll kid around a little bit, but there's reasons that Sam Darnold has not gotten off to his start.

Speaker 11 And, you know and and Greg knows this because I've been critical of Greg about about this and that you know the the things that Sam sees on the practice field from Greg Williams is will set a quarterback back years and

Speaker 11 so Greg and I Greg and I need to have a little sit-down before we reunite if that happens especially that last that last play now In Greg's defense, Greg, see, Greg's smarter than everybody else because Greg was thinking, I want to ensure that that the Jets have the number one pick in the draft.

Speaker 11 That's why I'll freaking bring the house and let Carr check to a seven-man protection, slide protection, throw a double move for the winning touchdown.

Speaker 11 So, Greg and I have some things to work out before we get back to work together.

Speaker 11 By the way, San Diego,

Speaker 11 that's a hard call for Anthony Lynn, man. He's an outstanding coach and an outstanding man.
And

Speaker 11 I thought he did a good job. And historically, what he's done with that young quarterback, that is a very, very attractive job right now.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So, wait, Greg Williams, let's go back to that real quick.
So,

Speaker 1 when you were coaching and he was defensive coordinator, would he constantly be like, Coach, I'm bringing heat. Like, I want to bring the heat.
I want to bring the heat.

Speaker 1 And you're like, hey, settle down a little bit.

Speaker 11 Are you talking about in that situation?

Speaker 1 No, just in general, like, is he always bringing the heat? Does he stop him? Yeah, you can't stop him from bringing the heat.

Speaker 11 Yeah, Greg likes to pressure people, and that's fine, but there's a time to pressure him and a time not.

Speaker 11 It's all about managing games. And, you know,

Speaker 11 philosophically, you know, the play callers, the offensive coordinators and the defensive coordinators,

Speaker 11 if they're also head coaches, sometimes I see, and you talk about it all the time. Sometimes you see, well, what was he thinking there at the end of the game? Well, he's probably thinking, what's...

Speaker 11 going to be my next play call rather than managing the game and and as a provide information to your play callers well in advance at the end of the half and at the end of the game so that they don't, things don't come as a surprise to them.

Speaker 11 So it's a complicated process, the play calling thing, managing games.

Speaker 11 But the point is, is, you know, there's only one thing that's going to get you beat on the last play of the game, and that's putting yourselves in this situation.

Speaker 11 And, you know, as John Gruden says, he didn't say, but I know he was thinking, Carr smelled a rat. He saw it.
He made the perfect adjustment, and they made the play. And they don't make that play if

Speaker 11 you're in a different configuration defensively.

Speaker 11 Now, the thing that I also want to point out in everyone's defense and look what happened last weekend with the Titans and the Texans at the end of the game. I mean, there's no way they win that game.

Speaker 11 All of a sudden, the ball is in the air, and there's a complete pass bang, there's a 57-yard field goal, and they win the division.

Speaker 11 Well, you know, you ask yourself, what are they doing in that coverage? Well, it's COVID.

Speaker 11 You don't even know who's practicing in the defensive scheme who's gone through the situation to walk through the knot and and uh play callers are to a certain extent limited in what they're doing so you know there's a lot of reasons for it but sitting back and and watching it you one would say that's not right but you know i'll give people credit they got you know they're they're smarter than than some of the decisions we're seeing made on the on during game time, but a lot of that has to do with COVID and who you're working with and the circumstances you're dealing with.

Speaker 11 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Alternate, like, he's Dr. Heat, so he's just going to bring the heat, which you got to respect that.
Like, I just love, you know, Greg Williams, he brings the heat.

Speaker 11 Yeah, you like hitting. I mean, everybody likes seeing the quarterback go down really fast

Speaker 11 and your punt return team come on the field. That's a good part.
That's good defense, but it doesn't always work that way.

Speaker 11 You know, when you bring, when you bring six and someone's blocking with seven, you know, you don't need to bring six.

Speaker 11 So,

Speaker 11 you know, you need to get out and play coverage. And that's basic defense.
But again, Greg and I are friends, and he knows I'd say the same thing to his face.

Speaker 6 How would that work? Like

Speaker 6 when you were the head coach and he'd be a defense coordinator, would he just get in your heads and be like, we need to dial something up?

Speaker 1 Yeah, bring it up. Or would it be the other way where you'd say, Greg, can you dial something up for us?

Speaker 6 Yeah.

Speaker 1 What do you got in that

Speaker 1 heat bag?

Speaker 11 Well, I mean, yeah. I mean,

Speaker 11 as a head coach, basically, my philosophy was

Speaker 11 never interrupt an offensive play caller.

Speaker 11 Let them call the drive. Make suggestions when the offense is off the field.
Defensively, yeah, you're going to,

Speaker 11 as a head coach, I'm going to say to my defensive coordinator, no, no, no, no, play coverage here or slow things down.

Speaker 11 Or it's okay if they score a touchdown as long as it takes them three minutes to score a touchdown. You know, we're not going to lose the game.
It's about winning the game.

Speaker 11 Winning the game becomes more important sometimes than winning the drive or the immediacy of the play call. And sometimes people lose perspective on that.

Speaker 11 They just get all caught up in the statistics and the game planning and hey,

Speaker 11 this is the right call here and there. And so, no, and

Speaker 11 again, I hate to go into too much detail about it, but a lot of that stuff has been done in training camp and the offseason and training camp during practice rehearsed on Saturday.

Speaker 11 Everybody should know what the situation is. And I'm talking about situational football and rehearse that stuff and feel comfortable about what you're going to do.

Speaker 11 For example, if it's fourth and goal from the 15-yard line, last play of the game, you got a play that your offense knows that we've practiced all year.

Speaker 11 That's our best chance to get the ball in the end zone. And they go, oh, yeah, we don't remember that one.
All right, we know what to do. And so there's a confidence factor involved in that.

Speaker 11 It's just kind of basic play calling. But

Speaker 11 yeah, as far as Greg's concerned, he's had a great career and he'll get back.

Speaker 1 He'll get back.

Speaker 11 And, you know, again, I mean, from Greg's standpoint, he was just trying to get the guys around the corner from you guys that first pick in the draft.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. That was all he was doing.

Speaker 6 I want to go back to something that you said earlier because it's fascinating.

Speaker 6 And I haven't really thought about it from that perspective, but sometimes a defensive coordinator can actually limit the effectiveness and the growth of a young quarterback on that same team based on what they see in practice.

Speaker 6 So from your perspective, if you've got a young quarterback, what kinds of defenses are you telling your coach coach not to run in practice? Like, what are some things that will send him back?

Speaker 11 That's a great question. I'll give you an example.
It was when we had Jared Goff. You know, my last year with the Rance was Jared's rookie year.

Speaker 11 Well, Jared came to us from Cal, and Jared had never really called a play before. I mean, everybody looks to the sideline and it's on a card, and he calls a snap count, and they go.

Speaker 11 So, Jared had a lot of work to do, and there's a progression with respect to developing quarterbacks.

Speaker 11 And so, you know, if you put Jared Goff out there against your number one defense in an OTA or even the startup training camp, and he's got all this stuff going around, he's not going to be successful.

Speaker 11 He's just confused. I mean, you remember when Sam Donald said I was seeing ghosts?

Speaker 11 You know, you remember that. Okay.
Well, part of that, that's part of the process. And I'm not mean to be blaming on Greg, but, you know, there needs to be a progression.

Speaker 11 He needs to see one high or two high. And then you just take your time and progress into that.

Speaker 11 Now, if Greg Williams, which he was at New Was at New Orleans when they won the Super Bowl, and they go out to start train camp or OTAs or whatever, first day of practice, Drew Brees is going, bring it on.

Speaker 11 Yeah. Greg?

Speaker 11 Drew's seen everything. But there's a difference between Drew Brees in his 10th or 12th year and a Jared Goff in his first.
You can't bring a young quarterback on with all that stuff going on.

Speaker 11 And so, no, I didn't allow that to happen when Jared was there. And when I was there with Greg.

Speaker 11 No, Greg knew exactly what he was going to show Jared and knew when Jared was going to be under center on the practice field. I'm not saying that that

Speaker 11 happened that way in New York, but I'd say it probably didn't based on the fact that Sam Darno has not been developed yet.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 All right, so Coach, I want you to get back into a job. It's great to hear that you're ready for it.
I had one last question. You're back on Twitter.
Is that you fully tweeting?

Speaker 1 That's fully you tweeting. No one else tweeting.

Speaker 11 That's me.

Speaker 11 I took a break.

Speaker 11 You know,

Speaker 11 I went through a life experience. I lost my father back in October, and I just kind of backed out of everything.
So,

Speaker 11 you know, it was a highly emotional time, and it was a difficult time, but it's that, you know, it's that cycle of the circle of life that you go through. And I went through that.

Speaker 11 So I just backed out and I just felt like yesterday, I'm kind of looking around, going, yesterday was so crazy.

Speaker 11 And it was just time to reach back out and say hey you know if i can touch somebody's life on twitter i'm going to uh mine was certainly touched personally and i'm blessed with grandkids and and a lot of good things in my life and so i'm back i love it like i said i'm back

Speaker 6 it's good to have you back

Speaker 11 you're the uh the gift king of twitter yes you're the gift that keeps on gifting yes uh well you guys are the best i appreciate the opportunity to come on and and have a blast i understand you had a chance to talk to chris long who also is one of my all-time favorites so um

Speaker 11 yeah you guys are the best. Take care of that little man.

Speaker 1 Thank you. Thank you, coach.
Really appreciate it, and we'll talk soon, all right?

Speaker 11 Okay, thanks a lot.

Speaker 6 Hey, it's PFT here, reminding you that Boarshead makes game day entertaining elevated and effortless.

Speaker 6 Whether you order catering platters ahead from your local Boarshead retailer, or you create your own spread at home with Boarshead premium deli meats and cheeses, you are sure to impress your guests.

Speaker 6 My favorites like oven gold turkey or blazing buffalo-style chicken paired with their classic Vermont cheddar or creamy Munster cheese are sure to score big and help me elevate my entertainment every time whether it's for a tailgate or a home gating celebration seriously guys it's a game-changing flavor for every gathering boarshead committed to craft since 1905 shop now we've got Washington football team division champions of the NFC Beast it's just a muscular football flexing on the haters celebrating that NFC East title we've got all sorts of football stuff for sale all sorts of part of my take stuff Eventually, we'll get those hats back in store, the one that Hank's wearing right now, the Part of My Take script hat.

Speaker 6 Those were hot sellers. We got all kinds of stuff in there.
Check it out. Store.barcefulsports.com.
Shop now.

Speaker 1 I just realized something that we have powers now. Well, we've always had powers, but we have extra powers.
Deshaun Watson saying he wants to get traded.

Speaker 1 We talked about this on Wednesday that if Deshaun Watson gets traded, Matt Shop has all the records. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's great for me.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we need this to happen.

Speaker 6 He stays as the passing king king of Houston, Texas.

Speaker 1 He should be a Texans Hall of Famer at least. And then once you get that, you just go right up.

Speaker 6 Can you imagine what Bill O'Brien would have tried to trade him for? Be like, let's just swap first round.

Speaker 7 No shots of Texans have a Hall of Fame. 3-6.

Speaker 6 Well, he'd be the first. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He'd be the inaugural. First-rounders.

Speaker 4 He would probably trade.

Speaker 6 Keith Stills getting traded himself along with Deshaun Watson for like a first-round.

Speaker 1 Dez Bryant. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It would be actually great to see Bill O'Brien pick one thing you want from every team in the NFL, and then at the end, be like, guess what? That's what you get.

Speaker 1 And it's like, wait, but he didn't get anything.

Speaker 6 I bet GM Bill O'Brien would have hired coach Josh McDaniels, and then GM would have traded Sean Watson to the Patriots for like a backup tight end.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 6 And by the way, I think we called this like five, six months ago.

Speaker 6 Bill Belichick's year this year, having the Patriots not be competitive, it's actually done a great job of having Josh McDaniels not get hired away from him this offseason. Yes.

Speaker 6 So Josh is going to be staying up in New England during their rebuild when he could have had any opportunity to leave had they been competent this year.

Speaker 6 Agreed. Good job, coach.

Speaker 4 Good job. All right.

Speaker 6 Let's do Fire Fest of the Week.

Speaker 4 Let's finish with Firefest of the Week.

Speaker 1 Fire Fest of the Week. Hank.
Fire Fest of the Week. Billy.
No. Oh, yeah, Billy.
Go ahead.

Speaker 4 You start.

Speaker 1 Billy, you start. Firefest of the week.
Billy has a hilarious figure.

Speaker 6 He's got a really good one he's been thinking of. I would just like to preface this by preface.

Speaker 6 It's actually more potent than regular face.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 6 I do not.

Speaker 6 Anyway, so they thought I was the fucking shaman dude from Washington, D.C. on Twitch last night because my Twitch logo is a dude with a bear skin on him.

Speaker 1 It looks exactly

Speaker 1 sick. It's him.

Speaker 6 It's a bear skin, not a bison skin.

Speaker 1 How'd you find that?

Speaker 6 Well, it's berserkers used to wear bear skins because it was sick. And this guy with a bison skin fucking raided the Capitol and shit, which I condemn.
Is that totally?

Speaker 6 I disavow it.

Speaker 1 Disavow it. I disavow it.

Speaker 7 What if he donated blood first?

Speaker 1 I actually, I do think we need to do just a quick refresher. Like, you know, when you have to get your registration,

Speaker 1 you know, updated for driving your car, we should just do a quick disavow of Nazis refresher.

Speaker 6 Yes. So we are the first

Speaker 6 anti-Nazi podcast.

Speaker 1 Update our membership.

Speaker 1 We do not like Nazis.

Speaker 6 I'd like to upgrade that a little bit. Oh.
I think that we should be the first anti-treason podcast.

Speaker 1 Okay, also that.

Speaker 6 Anti-Nazi,

Speaker 6 anti-treason podcast.

Speaker 1 Billy's thinking, well, what if I want to do a little treason? I mean, I will say. Just a touch.
Like,

Speaker 1 what if I have a crazy weekend feeling a little treasonous?

Speaker 6 I'll be completely honest with you. The rush that you must feel after storming through the Capitol and you're like driving home, listening to the radio, the post-coup rush,

Speaker 6 that's probably got to be a top three drive home. Yeah.
Like you're pounding your steering wheel, you're blasting thin Lizzy. You're crossing the keybridge.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 6 Don't do it. Billy's not.

Speaker 1 Don't do it. Disavow.
Disavow. Disavow treason.
All right, so you basically. Yeah, your avatar on Twitch looks like one of the guys.

Speaker 6 He doesn't have a bear skin. It's a bison skin case.

Speaker 1 And you lost how many Twitch followers?

Speaker 6 And I lost a bunch of followers. 300?

Speaker 1 Well, they thought...

Speaker 6 I don't have that many Twitch followers,

Speaker 6 but they thought I was supporting it. And I was like, no, like, what the fuck's going on? No, Billy made that avatar yesterday.

Speaker 6 No, I made the avatar over the summer because I thought, like, it was cool. Because, like, I was trying to, you know, be a video gamer streamer, which is cool.

Speaker 1 And to your credit, it is cool. It's a cool avatar.

Speaker 6 It's pretty sick. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 6 I just thought about this. Since it's a bison skin and he has like, what, red and blue face paint on? Yep.

Speaker 6 It would be a pretty sick meme to do like a no-one circles the wagons, like the Buffalo Bills on that. That would be pretty cool.

Speaker 1 Again, disavow. Disavow.
He did. He wrote it for them too.

Speaker 1 All right, so I'll go off that. So my Fire is Read the Room Twitter just got me.
Read the Room Twitter is the worst. I don't understand the thought process of people who spend all day.

Speaker 1 And we actually did Read the Room. We were sitting here watching everything go down, which, again, we condemn, disavow.
If you needed to hear us say that, that's crazy, but whatever.

Speaker 1 We condemn, disavow.

Speaker 1 Condemn and disavow. Who else is doing that?

Speaker 1 They're fucking morons. They're morons.
They're shitheads and they're morons. Anyway,

Speaker 1 we were sitting in the office watching it all happen, and we all were sitting there like, all right, well, not tweeting for a while because this shit is pretty real life. And it's like not...

Speaker 1 So like 8 o'clock, 8.30, I tweeted something, bunch of read the room. I don't get these people who spend all day being like, this is such a serious day, and all their energy is towards...

Speaker 1 replying to people saying read the room.

Speaker 6 Yeah, I just feel like read the room is a pretty cool thing to say. Like it feels good when you tell, if I were to tell you to read the room, I would feel like a big shot.

Speaker 6 Hey, big cat, cat read the room it's so lame and it's also big cat wait you you think that you're the victim in this read like people telling you no i'm not

Speaker 1 i'm talking about the lame of i think you should read the room about reading the read the room to read the room people were like oh he's posting on twitter not about this right and then they go read the room

Speaker 1 and they're like oh my god he's got a bear skin on

Speaker 1 connect the dots yeah but no so i actually think in a circular if you could follow this logic real quick the people who are saying who are replying read the room or now's not the time, are actually the real assholes because they spend all time on Twitter replying to people, read the room, now's not the time.

Speaker 1 So they, in fact, are not reading the room because they're using all their energy to reply to people saying read the room.

Speaker 6 Right. They're looking at timelines and thinking to themselves, like,

Speaker 1 they're on alert, right?

Speaker 6 Right. For someone who's not reading the room.

Speaker 1 Instead of thinking about

Speaker 1 America.

Speaker 6 They've got their, you know what? They need to read the room's room. And you need to chill out about that.
But yeah, we were watching it unfold.

Speaker 1 We're like, probably

Speaker 6 there's nothing that we can contribute right now. Like, it'd be pretty egotistical of us to be watching this and be like, you know what? You know what the world needs right now?

Speaker 6 They need a pun about what's going on to really settle things down. But then I did see the cop hitting that one dude with the look away pepper spray and I was like, Mahomes.
That's a Mahomes.

Speaker 6 If Mahomes did that, the media would be, they would, like... The Instagram for ESPN and Sports Center would be doing nothing but putting like crossbones, crossbones, crossbones.
Mahomes did it again.

Speaker 1 I'll leave it at this. I think everyone who listens to this podcast knows us, knows like the type of people we are, knows what we stand for.
You don't need me to tweet.

Speaker 1 You don't need the thousandth tweet of this is America.

Speaker 1 Why do you need me to tweet that? You know what I'm about. You know how I feel.

Speaker 1 I try to be a good person in my real life. And yeah, so that's it.

Speaker 6 I like to think of us that we're the type of guys that if we're in a terrible situation,

Speaker 1 that we make, like, you know, like, or at least I do.

Speaker 6 If If I'm in a terrible situation, get the dissolution.

Speaker 1 I have a button ready here.

Speaker 6 I'm always like, I'm always.

Speaker 1 Always shit. Here it comes.
You know, like,

Speaker 1 we should just storm the Capitol. No, no, if you're in a terrible situation, I don't know, like, your car gets broken down.

Speaker 6 Right.

Speaker 1 It sucks.

Speaker 6 And it all sucks. Like, just kind of like, cheer the mood.
Like, hey, you know, like, at least the sun's out. Yeah.

Speaker 1 All right. Hey, like, great job.
Yeah. We'll crack a little jokes.
Okay.

Speaker 1 So, so the end of our democracy is like your car breaking down, dude. Read the room.
Government breaking down.

Speaker 1 Yeah. See? That's the, that's the reply, Twitter.
Yeah. There's There's nothing you can say.
There's no winning on Twitter. Twitter is the worst.
Just remember that.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Read the room.
Read the room. Read the room.

Speaker 1 I can't even read. I'm reading the room right now.

Speaker 6 I think I need to.

Speaker 6 Before Hank says it, I'm going to preemptively beat Hank to my Firefest.

Speaker 1 Oh, I know what this is.

Speaker 6 There was a report that came out yesterday, a study.

Speaker 1 Excuse me. Oh, I thought you were going to talk about beating the shit out of Hank and Ping Pong.
Oh, well, I'll let Hank say that.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 You did beat me. I did.

Speaker 6 Hank beat me in the first game 21 to 10. Hank was asking people about, oh, what's the skunk rule? Like, if I beat him 11 to nothing, is the game over?

Speaker 6 Well, yeah, Hank's been playing ping pong against his dad for the last four weeks on his extended vacation.

Speaker 6 Not all of us, I haven't played ping pong since like September. It was not a vacation.

Speaker 1 Dating with a knee rule at the end of it. It was a mandatory word.
Were you up, Hank?

Speaker 7 One nil.

Speaker 6 One nil after beating me 21-0.

Speaker 1 Stop the vote. Yeah, stop the count.
The count. Oh, so PFT just went to sleep and found a few extra points?

Speaker 6 Yeah, Hank went to sleep while he was asleep. Put him to sleep.
I fucking punished him. 2114, 2115.
Ooh,

Speaker 1 is that true? Yes. Yeah, whatever.

Speaker 6 It's not a good look.

Speaker 1 You didn't even cover the spread? Nope.

Speaker 6 No, not even close to covering the spread.

Speaker 1 Anyways,

Speaker 6 my real Fire Fest is the report that came out. I think it was the University of Chicago.
They did a study.

Speaker 6 I don't know why we need to keep doing this study, but it was like society sees men who are 5'8

Speaker 6 as being less successful than being men who are 6' tall. And they tried to quantify it, and they said

Speaker 6 a male who's 5'8 needs to make $133,000 more per year to be viewed as successful as someone who's six feet tall.

Speaker 6 And first of all, it's fucked up that they have a study where it's just a bunch of people looking at pictures of dudes and being like, this guy's 5'8 ⁇ . How much less successful do you think?

Speaker 6 It's just somebody in a room looking looking at a picture of a short guy and being like, that guy's not. We know.
That's easy to do.

Speaker 1 Listen,

Speaker 1 we're doing it right now.

Speaker 6 Bagel boss was right.

Speaker 1 Bagel boss is right. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Speaker 6 I'm saying it. As a tall guy, I'm going to disavow this study.
Okay. But you must disavow this.
But it's also, but it's also. Okay, I disavow Bagel Boss.

Speaker 1 But, Billy, we disavow the study, but like, it's also really true. Well, okay, all right, big deal.

Speaker 6 133,000. I'll do two more episodes apart.
I take on my own a year.

Speaker 6 All of a sudden, boom, I'm back in the red, baby.

Speaker 1 You got to think about it. I'm going to sneak into this room on two Saturdays this year.
I'm going to stop stupid. And do two studies.
Stop, stop.

Speaker 6 Do two studies.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 6 I'm gonna do two podcasts for like five minutes and just talk about what a success I am.

Speaker 6 It's gonna be a big-time success win podcast where I'll teach everybody else how to be as successful, as successful as me, now a six-foot-tall person. And boom, I'm back in the red.
So it's fine.

Speaker 6 I'm just saying it's a fucked up study to just have people look at pictures of short guys and be like, that guy is kind of more of a loser than this guy.

Speaker 1 You're thinking about it all wrong, PFT. They literally just gave all the short kings out there the playbook.

Speaker 1 If you're a short king listening to this, you just need to tell the woman that you're talking to that you make $138,000 more than you do. You need to spend like you're making $138,000 more.

Speaker 1 They gave you the cheat code. They're like, here it is.

Speaker 1 This is how to get the woman of your dreams, get into crippling financial debt, $138,000 a year. and just ball out.

Speaker 6 Well, it's interesting that your brain went to the female side of things, like get the woman.

Speaker 1 I don't think it was like woman related. I think it was just

Speaker 1 straight up

Speaker 1 in general.

Speaker 1 That's also success.

Speaker 6 Big Cat's shown his internal misogyny by being like, oh, women only care about money. Nope.
Turns out you care about money too.

Speaker 1 No, it's success in life overall. Yeah, well, which is all-encompassing.

Speaker 6 That's fine. I'll just do two more podcasts.

Speaker 1 Hank, your Fire Fest.

Speaker 6 Finish this off.

Speaker 7 I have a couple. I lost my tan.

Speaker 7 And Big Cat's not eating carbs. So he's just been snapping at me left and right.

Speaker 1 He hasn't. I haven't been snapping at Hank.

Speaker 1 you. I actually haven't snapped at Hank.

Speaker 4 That's crazy. JK, J.K.

Speaker 1 You did lose your tan, though. Yeah.
I did lose my tan. You did lose your tan.
I've actually been really nice to you this week. I'm kidding.
I'm bad. What the fuck?

Speaker 4 Hank, you want to go tanning?

Speaker 6 No. Hit the beds? No.

Speaker 1 Yeah, me neither. I'm going to.
I'm hurt.

Speaker 1 I said JKJK. Yeah, but I'm hurt.
Because then PFT was like, yeah, he has been snapping at me. I actually have a little snapping that Hannah.
Hank and I have been

Speaker 1 being very friendly.

Speaker 6 That's only because the Bears in the playoffs.

Speaker 1 No, I've just been in a pretty good mood.

Speaker 1 Oh, wait.

Speaker 6 No, actually, there's some truth to that. We haven't watched football with Hank in weeks.

Speaker 1 So we did watch with him on Sunday.

Speaker 1 That's true. I'm worried about your memory sometimes.

Speaker 4 Yeah, me too.

Speaker 1 Wait, no, I'm not.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. We should all take impact.

Speaker 6 We should all take impact tests. Oh, my God.
All right.

Speaker 1 Jake, do you have a fire fest real quick? I have two. Oh, one.
Tough week.

Speaker 6 Billy re-broke the couch. Yep.
So I feel like I'm going to

Speaker 1 get hurt. Yep.
It's sitting on one dumbbell. Yep.
Very sturdy. Shit.
Show.

Speaker 7 Couldn't be less sturdy. Yep.

Speaker 1 It's absolutely completely.

Speaker 6 Looks so sturdy.

Speaker 1 Yep. Good thing you're not on our.

Speaker 6 You're going to break it again. I am.

Speaker 6 Two, I think I accidentally got myself addicted to nasal spray.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. That'll happen.

Speaker 6 My allergies were bad last week, so I gave myself a little sniff of Africa.

Speaker 1 You got a sniff guy?

Speaker 6 You just took a little line?

Speaker 1 Yeah, and then

Speaker 6 on the back, it says, don't use more than twice in 24 hours.

Speaker 1 So use it like morning and night.

Speaker 6 But then it also said, which I overread and didn't see till yesterday, stop using after three days. So I've been using it for 10 days.

Speaker 1 Look at it.

Speaker 1 You can see in your eyes right now.

Speaker 6 It's so stuffy now. You're tweaking out, man.

Speaker 1 That's what happens.

Speaker 6 Yeah, no, you are definitely addicted to the spray.

Speaker 1 Jake's going to be like, what's the hardest drug you've ever done? Well, there was this one time that I didn't read the label on the nasal spray.

Speaker 6 Dude, you're on a binder right now. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like, this is a 10-day. I hope I get clear up in the nose.
How are you going to wean off?

Speaker 1 Are you going to go cold turkey?

Speaker 6 You can't do cold turkey, Jake.

Speaker 1 Try one tomorrow. Go one tomorrow.

Speaker 6 Do you have it on you? No, it's in my apartment.

Speaker 1 Did you already quit?

Speaker 6 I stopped yesterday morning.

Speaker 1 Oh, because I was going to do it last night.

Speaker 6 And then I'm like, why am I still stuffing it? You're like, this is a problem.

Speaker 1 We should do an intervention. You should go to AA.
Yeah, we should have an intervention for you. Listen to that.
Oh,

Speaker 1 I know. It's so cool, dude.
I just did.

Speaker 6 That's what the point is.

Speaker 6 Yeah, I did it briefly, but... Jake, I'm worried about you.

Speaker 8 You too.

Speaker 6 The big city has changed you. You're going to go back home to your folks, and they're going to be like, what happened to our darling Jake? Oh, that was a good thing.

Speaker 1 He's going to be so cleared up.

Speaker 6 Such a good boy. If I'm not cleared up by the end of the weekend, I'm worried.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 You're going to die. Jake's maybe.
Well, no, definitely.

Speaker 1 Everyone dies. Yeah, you're right.
Mm-hmm.

Speaker 1 Just accept that and then just ball out on your nasal. Not every man truly lives.

Speaker 6 Yeah. So, I mean, in a way, you're squeezing a lot of living into this short time span.

Speaker 1 Yeah, which would you rather do?

Speaker 1 Would you rather live a pathetic life, the one that you're currently living, or live an awesome scarface-style life where you're just hitting the nasal spray every day?

Speaker 6 I think my life's just fine right now. I'm very fortunate.

Speaker 1 That's nice. Thanks, Joe.
You are.

Speaker 1 Very cool. Of course I am, man.

Speaker 6 That's a wholesome ending to this week's. All right, let's do the ball.

Speaker 1 Another thing that Billy likes is mammoth. It's not even close to being

Speaker 1 correct. Look at all that poor light.

Speaker 1 It's not even close to being correct. Wow.

Speaker 6 Billy actually did pull a genius move the other day.

Speaker 1 Wait, wait, wait. 18.

Speaker 1 6. 43.

Speaker 1 Um.

Speaker 1 84.

Speaker 6 Mammoth skulls were found by the Greeks and thought to be the skulls of Cyclops because they have a large hole in the middle for an eye.

Speaker 1 Love you guys.

Speaker 6 They'd be pretty sweet to skull fuck, though.

Speaker 1 Today's a holiday to find you Shyla

Speaker 1 I've been coming for your love okay

Speaker 1 Shyla

Speaker 1 I've been coming for your love okay

Speaker 1 Say it on to me.

Speaker 1 Life's not better to be safe, I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 Say it over to me.

Speaker 1 I still better to be safe, I'm sorry.