Tiffani Thiessen, CFB With Andy Staples, And Week 15 Preview

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Speaker 1 On today's part of my take, we have a twofer, Friday two-fers.

Speaker 1 We have Andy Staples to talk some college football championship weekend, and then we have the legend, the legend, Tiffany Thiessen, Kelly Kabowski. Really, really fun interview.

Speaker 1 It was a bucket list item for 10, 11, 12-year-old us.

Speaker 1 And we have NFL week 15 preview, and the Chargers are going in right now. Week 15 preview, Fire Fest of the Week.

Speaker 1 Fantasy Lads are back. Let's see if the Chargers can finish.
Justin Herbert. Oh, no, no, no.

Speaker 1 He's fumbling the ball. Justin Herbert scored that touchdown.
Justin Herbert scored that touchdown. All right, let me do the ad and we'll find out.

Speaker 1 Let me do the ad and we'll find out.

Speaker 3 Shitload of money if Justin Herbert scored that touchdown.

Speaker 1 Let's do the ad and we'll find out.

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Speaker 4 No place behind a low washing.

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Speaker 1 Welcome to part of my take. Presented by the Cash App, go download it right now.
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Speaker 1 Today is Friday, December 18th, and we are literally watching third and goal, 143 left in overtime. Justin Herbert just got stopped and fumbled.
PFT had him a prop for him to score a touchdown.

Speaker 1 And the over. And the over.

Speaker 3 Anthony Lynn is going to kill me.

Speaker 1 Anthony Lynn is the dumbest coach that has ever been created in coaching history. Touchdown, touchdown, Justin Herbert.
He fumbled again. No, he didn't.
He fumbled again. No, he didn't.

Speaker 1 He fumbled again. No, he got it.
He got it. He got it.
He got it. He got it.
He got it. He got it.
He got it. Touchdown.
All right. All right.
So that's Friday. Start Friday.
Happy Friday. Let's go.

Speaker 1 And his lineman, is his lineman okay? Looks dead. That was the dumbest game of football we've ever watched.

Speaker 3 Let's see the replay real quick. He throws the ball out there.
He didn't get in.

Speaker 1 That was such a

Speaker 1 pretty big distance. He's in.
That was a pretty long distance to sneak from. They weren't at the inch line.

Speaker 1 What did you think Anthony Lynn was going to do? Pass the ball? Anthony Lynn.

Speaker 1 He's a bird brain.

Speaker 3 He has a goddamn bird inside of his skull. And now the bird's dead because even the bird can't stand hanging out with him.

Speaker 1 I can't believe this guy.

Speaker 1 He just won a football game, so I guess credit to him. But holy shit.

Speaker 1 The timeouts were an issue again.

Speaker 1 The Money Badger, who that's his own nickname. He gave himself that nickname, the kicker for the Chargers.
What is his name? Bagley. Marvin.
Badgley. Michael.

Speaker 1 Is it Marvin? Marvin is the basketball player. That's Bagley.
This is Badgley. Badgley.
Gave himself the nickname the Money Badger. Tried to trade market last year to make money off it, then missed.

Speaker 1 He's got nine missed kicks this year. He misses a kick.
Then Anthony Lynn, they get an interception, and Anthony Lynn plays for three, and he misses another kick. God damn it, you forgot the part

Speaker 3 about the fact that he iced his own kicker as well.

Speaker 3 But you know what? They always say you can't ice ice.

Speaker 3 Turns out that Badgley, he doesn't have ice. He's got bath water in his veins.

Speaker 3 He was very easily iced. The snapper was very easily iced.

Speaker 3 The holder put down a good hold, missed it to the left. But I mean, Anthony Lynn could fuck up a wet dream.

Speaker 1 He is.

Speaker 3 But I've changed my mind a little bit. I want Anthony Lynn to get another contract because it's always good to have a coach in the NFL that you know for sure that you're smarter than.
Yes.

Speaker 3 Where you can watch the end of a game and predict exactly how he's going to fuck it up. And then he goes and he does that exactly to a T.

Speaker 1 Well, you know what it is? More than anything. Anthony Lynn, like, we lost Andy Reid.

Speaker 1 We lost making Andy Andy Reid jokes Andy Reid won a Super Bowl the jokes are over Anthony Lynn is the heir apparent he is our like uh oh fourth quarter Anthony Lynn versus the clock what what a matchup we got here he can't figure it out it is so bad he's the ultimate panic coach so I agree with you I want him to keep a job or get a new job because these jokes This is why we watch.

Speaker 1 We watch shitty games like this. That was a perfect finale for Thursday Night Football.

Speaker 1 We watch shitty games like this to roast people, to make ourselves feel smarter, to be like, wow, we could be out there coaching. These guys are idiots.
Yeah. Holy shit, was this game bad?

Speaker 3 I mean, if every coach was perfect with their clock management, with everything, it would be like watching a math class where I would have to feel like I was learning something every time I watched football.

Speaker 3 Sometimes I don't want to learn anything. Sometimes I want to make fun of another guy who hasn't learned as much as I have about football.

Speaker 1 Yes. Yes.

Speaker 3 And these two coaches, I think both coaches, Gruden and Anthony Lenn, they both just hate the concept of time during a football game.

Speaker 3 If it were up to them, it's like the game's not over until either someone quits or mom calls you in for dinner.

Speaker 3 And that's how we determine, or it gets too dark outside and you can't see the ball anymore.

Speaker 3 Yeah, that's when that's when John Gruden and Anthony Lynn would like to blow the whistle for the end of the game. But they hate time, they hate managing time.

Speaker 3 Actually, John Gruden didn't do such a bad job with it. Well, and Marcus Mariota, let's give him credit today was the Oregon quarterback.

Speaker 1 Yes. So Derek Carr tore his leg,

Speaker 3 his left groin, is is whatever.

Speaker 1 His groin, it looked bad. Those are always the worst.
I have a question for you, PFT.

Speaker 1 Is John Gruden a good head coach?

Speaker 3 Yes.

Speaker 1 Are you sure?

Speaker 3 I think he won a Super Bowl. Are you sure? At Big Cat, Mike Drop, he won a Super Bowl.

Speaker 1 Okay, because John Gruden, he did, in fact, win a Super Bowl. He won a Super Bowl.
John Gruden, his last six seasons as a NFL head coach.

Speaker 1 So that's three years with the Bucs, three years with the Raiders. John Gruden is 40 and 61.
Okay.

Speaker 1 That's really bad.

Speaker 3 He won a Super Bowl.

Speaker 1 I know, but that's really bad. And this is.

Speaker 3 Wasn't he also traded for like two first-round picks?

Speaker 1 This is. He now

Speaker 1 is sitting here, a team that looked like they were going to the playoffs, that played

Speaker 1 the Kansas City Chiefs on Sunday Night Football, almost beat them for the second time this year, and then since got punked by the Falcons, lost, or basically lost to the the Jets, pulled it out because of Dr.

Speaker 1 Heat, lost last week to the Colts, got punked by them, and now just lost to a Chargers team that can't get out of their own way. I'm just saying, John Gruden, everyone was talking about the Raiders.

Speaker 1 The Raiders are, I think the Raiders are one of those teams, the NFL. Everyone roots to be good because it's fun when the Raiders are good.
They have history. There are certain teams.

Speaker 1 It's kind of like college football. You want certain teams to be back in the mix because it's fun.
So we almost will will it to happen.

Speaker 1 I think we've willed it to happen a little early here because they're not, they're going to finish probably seven and nine again or eight and eight.

Speaker 1 Like, they didn't make a big step this year when this was supposed to be the big step year.

Speaker 3 A lot of that is on the defense, and tonight it didn't look better. You know what I think?

Speaker 1 I mean, that's Mike Mayock and John Gruden. They put a lot of money into the offense, and they haven't looked at the defense.

Speaker 3 You know what I think they did after they fired Gunther? Right? It was Gunther. Yep, right.

Speaker 1 So you can't get out of his spirit entirely.

Speaker 3 His aura was still there, but I think what John Gruden did this week, he was like, you know what? We just got to execute better, and we're going to simplify things.

Speaker 3 We're going to go back to basics on defense and just run like a standard cover two the entire game. Because in John Gruden's brain, like football is a simple game.

Speaker 3 It's about hitting another man harder than that man would like to be hit. So John Gruden is like, we're going to focus on tackling.

Speaker 3 We're going to improve our tackling this week and that'll fix the defense.

Speaker 3 Turns out that Herbert can pick him apart if you just run a cover two until it's the fourth quarter when they just stop passing the ball entirely.

Speaker 1 They just stopped. Well, the Raiders did have that really long drive.
And yes, Derek Carr got hurt. So a little bit of...

Speaker 3 For the most part, Mariota looked better than Derek Carr. He had a couple bad throws, but like there was a spark when Mariota got it.

Speaker 1 And the Chargers were going to probably win that game anyway because, again, as long as the Chargers, I mean, if the Chargers can survive

Speaker 1 fucking themselves up like three or four times, they will come back and win. Like, that's really what it is.

Speaker 1 It's like the Chargers are going to shoot themselves in the foot three or four times down the stretch, and if you don't put them away, they'll eventually, just by the fact that they do have some talent and they have a good roster, will eventually find a way to win.

Speaker 3 Yeah. You just, yeah.
But I mean, most teams, if another team shoots themselves in the foot three or four times, the game's over at that point. So you got to bury them.

Speaker 3 It was drunk football, and it was a good way to end Thursday night football for the year. We have Friday night football next week on Christmas dice,

Speaker 3 which I'm pretty excited about. That'll be fun.
But yeah, this was,

Speaker 3 I'll say this. It was appropriate that on the day Tom Rinaldi went to Fox,

Speaker 3 we ended with a game that made us want to cry.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. The tears always are flowing with him.
I'm actually, I don't know what I'm going to do. Like, the fact that I have to cry on big noon Saturday or whatever, that Fox pregames.

Speaker 3 I mean, what you just did was

Speaker 3 you gave Tom Rinaldi

Speaker 3 carte blanche to just

Speaker 3 farm the Big Ten for sob stories.

Speaker 1 Urban is going to cry now. Urban Meyer is going to cry.

Speaker 1 We're going to get some Urban Meyer crying on

Speaker 1 Saturday mornings in the fall. Yeah, Tom Rinaldi, two Fox, the big news.

Speaker 1 All right, so that's it. That game was just, it was bad, but it was fun because it was so bad.
You know what?

Speaker 3 I do like the fact that Mariota, you could tell that he was playing like he was going to make $300,000.

Speaker 1 I won him on the Bears. Yeah.

Speaker 3 If he won that game,

Speaker 3 he would have made $300,000, I think $325,000.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 that'd be an interesting model to pay quarterbacks like that.

Speaker 1 I wanted him on the Bears after his first drive.

Speaker 3 He looked good.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 I mean, Marcus Mariota, from what we saw tonight, he's a starting quarterback.

Speaker 1 Also, the second pick in the draft, right? Yeah. And from Oregon.

Speaker 3 All Oregon quarterbacks now, I think, are good. Tonight has flipped the script.
Bring back Dennis Dixon. Joey Harrington.
Joey Harrington out there in his jeans to come pass again.

Speaker 1 I'm in. Bring them all back.
Yeah. All right.
Let's get to our weekend preview. And then we have, on the other side of that, Andy Staples and Tiffany Thiessen, and also Billy Killed All His Chickens.

Speaker 1 Okay, before we get to our weekend preview, a quick word from our friends.

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Speaker 1 Okay,

Speaker 1 week 15.

Speaker 1 We're coming down the home stretch. Some games, some weird schedule.
We got two Saturday games. We also only have three afternoon games.
That stinks, but we do have the Chief Saints.

Speaker 1 Hank, you wanted to say something real quick.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, that's how you intro a plug.

Speaker 7 You're going to do the can't-lose parlay. Billy has his parlay.
If you guys want to do a risk-free parlay, there's the pigskin parlay in the Play Barcelona app. It's $35,000 this week.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 7 Used to be $25,000, then it was $30,000, $35,000.

Speaker 1 How can you afford to give all that money away from your own pocket?

Speaker 7 It's, you know, it's what I want to do for the AWLs. It's my gift way to give back to you guys this season.
If you win the $35,000, we'll send you a big-ass check.

Speaker 1 Really? Wait. Oh, actually, I saw that.
Someone won it and they had a big-ass check.

Speaker 7 A giant check will show up to your doorstep.

Speaker 3 The big check is the absolute best.

Speaker 1 That's worth the free admission anyway.

Speaker 7 So all you have to do is download the Play Barcel app. You can make your picks.
It's eight games, Monday night score. If you win, you get 35 grand, a big check.

Speaker 7 And these dual streams today, Friday, PFT and Big Cat, you guys are both playing.

Speaker 1 Both have to win to get into the playoffs.

Speaker 7 Who's who leaves town? PFT is playing at 12.

Speaker 7 Big Cat's playing at noon.

Speaker 1 No, we can't play. I'm playing at 2.
I mean, PFT is playing at 12.

Speaker 7 Big Cat's playing at 2.

Speaker 7 So tune into that. Make your picks or play bars.
So that's also like $3,000 if you win.

Speaker 1 That's a little word of it. It's free money.

Speaker 3 You should call the Pigskin Parlay. You should incorporate the big check into the name of it because that will make people want it that much more check.
The big check. The big check challenge.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Boom.

Speaker 1 Done.

Speaker 3 Million-dollar idea.

Speaker 1 Next topic. $35,000 idea.

Speaker 7 $35,000. What would you guys do if you won $35,000 on Sunday?

Speaker 1 I'd give it all to Billy.

Speaker 3 I'd put it on red.

Speaker 1 I'd give it to Billy, and I'd say, Billy, stop killing chickens.

Speaker 1 We'll get to that. Yeah.
Okay, let's do some football. Let's do some football.
Week 15. We're going to talk college football, by the way, with Andy Staples.

Speaker 1 So we'll go preview of conference championship weekend.

Speaker 1 This is maybe the best football weekend we've had start to finish when you have real awesome college football games with a lot of importance and then you have some big-time important games for the playoff home stretch in the NFL.

Speaker 1 We'll go through them. Let's start with the Saturday games, the weird-ass Saturday games.

Speaker 1 I don't know why they're throwing two Saturday games at us, but I'm not going to complain, but I'm going to complain a little bit because I'm going to watch college football.

Speaker 1 Bills. At Broncos.
Did you guys see the Cole Beasley stat that everyone's tweeting out?

Speaker 3 That he's the highest scoring player under 5'9 in the history of the NFL.

Speaker 1 That one. And then also Cole Beasley from NFL on CBS, more yards than A.J.

Speaker 1 Brown, more receptions than DK Metcalf, more yards per reception than DeAndre Hopkins, more TDs than Julio Jones, more 100-yard games than Tyreek Hill.

Speaker 3 More grit than Hunter Infro as well.

Speaker 1 I mean, that's an insane.

Speaker 1 I love those where it's just cherry picks.

Speaker 1 He also has more fantasy points than Jerry Rice this year. Fact? I mean, a fact.

Speaker 3 Listen, Cole Beasley, we've said said the connection is fun to watch.

Speaker 3 The connection is going to be even more fun to watch in the altitude where I think that Josh Allen could actually throw Cole Beasley out of Mile High Stadium.

Speaker 3 I'm pretty sure that physically it's possible. Also, this is a game where John Elway...

Speaker 3 People don't talk enough about the fact that John Elway passed on Josh Allen. Like this, Josh Allen

Speaker 3 was the guy that John Elway spent his entire career looking for. When he was drafting Brock Eisweiler, he was in his wildest dreams.

Speaker 3 He's like, this man, this tall boy, will become become Josh Allen one day.

Speaker 1 And he passed.

Speaker 3 He took Bradley Chubb. Josh Allen was right there.
I think he got picked like one or two slots after Bradley Chubb in that draft. Very sad.
Instead of bringing up the Mitch stat, people should.

Speaker 3 This is another one. Like the Leonard Fournette thing.
This is another one that people should talk about because this is like John Elway's wet dream of a quarterback, and he blew it.

Speaker 1 You missed them, and look what he's doing now.

Speaker 1 I am slightly nervous about

Speaker 1 the hype for the Bills. It feels like too many people, like I saw Cowards being like, they're the best team in the AFC.

Speaker 1 They've had a bunch of big wins. I'm nervous for the Bills and Bills fans.
That's all. Okay.
Yeah, I understand. You know what I mean? I understand that because

Speaker 1 they got to sneak up on people a little bit. Now you have, as soon as prognosticators and

Speaker 1 talking heads starts, they basically have shown up in the last week and decided, here's my hot take. The Bills are really good.

Speaker 1 Like, yeah, we've known they've been really good, and Josh Allen has been really good all year, so shut the fuck up, pay attention earlier.

Speaker 3 I understand that, and I agree with it, but I think we need to recognize we're being a little bit of gatekeepers for the Bills.

Speaker 1 That's fine. I will agree with that.

Speaker 3 We're being wagon keepers, which is okay. Like, we have been on the Bills for a while.
We've wanted them to see.

Speaker 1 That's not what this is about.

Speaker 3 But I understand it does feel weird when everybody else is now entering our brains and seeing things through our eyes.

Speaker 1 That's not what this is about.

Speaker 1 For me, it is a little bit weird. I'm not saying, like, oh,

Speaker 1 I was a fan of this band before it was cool. I'm saying more that as soon as everyone starts saying the Bills are incredible, I feel like they're jinxing them.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Oh, bro, you like the Bills? Name three of their Super Bowl losses.
Yeah. Didn't think so.

Speaker 1 Four.

Speaker 3 Well, yeah. But

Speaker 3 if you can get to 75, sad documentary.

Speaker 1 It was a really sad documentary. But yeah, it's just more of a jinx factor.
It feels

Speaker 1 it's, yeah.

Speaker 1 Whenever the dark horse is so obvious and and everyone's like the dark they're not a dark horse.

Speaker 1 They're a really good football team, but people are treating them like because you know how it goes in media.

Speaker 1 You don't want to say the Chiefs are really really good because the Chiefs are really really good. It's like the Warriors when the Warriors are really really good or we're really really good.

Speaker 1 Everyone's like well, you know who I actually think is going to win the title this year? The Atlanta Hawks. Yeah, if you're going to win like 15 games.

Speaker 3 If you're like, I like the Chiefs, why would you say something so brave, so controversial?

Speaker 1 Right. And the Bills are the jumping stone, and now I'm scared for them.

Speaker 3 But you know what? Here's a spend zone. Even if things go

Speaker 3 off the trail for the Bills right now, if things fall apart for a second, I think they've still officially made the playoffs, right?

Speaker 1 I think they made the playoffs.

Speaker 3 They have to win one game. Okay, so if they go 0-2, if they limp into the playoffs, then they become the team that will sneak up on you.

Speaker 3 So either the wagon rolls on and you continue to dominate people, or maybe things fall apart a little bit, and then you sneak up on somebody in the playoffs. Yes.

Speaker 1 I want them to win this game very badly.

Speaker 3 I was thinking, you know, we've talked a few times about getting Bills fans the vaccine or setting up like a quarantine station so that they can go into Orchard Park, into the stadium, and watch the game.

Speaker 3 There should be like an if you build it, they will come scenario where a fan in Buffalo needs to build like a simulated stadium in their backyard and just get a giant screen that they put down where the field should be so that some people can get the environment of seeing a Bills game from the standpoint.

Speaker 1 I'm all in the playoffs. I'm all in.
I also just love this time of year watching a Denver game, maybe some mountains of snow in the end zone. Always fun.

Speaker 1 All right, next up, Packers. Panthers at Packers.
The Panthers' defense, past defense, has been very bad recently. The Packers, though, they're 10-3.

Speaker 1 I basically spent the last half hour trying to find a stat that just shows that the Packers aren't good. Turns out they're actually pretty good, but this one was just kind of staring me in the face.

Speaker 1 The Packers are 10-3. They're 1-2 against teams with winning records.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 3 I mean, that's not a mistake.

Speaker 1 If they go 1-2 in the playoffs, they will not win the Super Bowl.

Speaker 3 That's true.

Speaker 3 That's a fact. But they might play against an NFC East team in the playoffs, which might be

Speaker 1 400. Yeah, there'd be no.

Speaker 3 No, but they might be less than 500.

Speaker 1 No, that'd be their, they would win.

Speaker 1 And then they would maybe get one more win.

Speaker 3 Okay, but

Speaker 3 they still wouldn't win the Super Bowl. That's a fact.

Speaker 1 So just saying it.

Speaker 3 Also, yeah, what about the rush defense? Has the rush defense quietly gotten better?

Speaker 1 Soft. They're soft.

Speaker 1 They're soft football teams.

Speaker 3 I agree with that, and I also have a stay woke about that picture going around of Aaron Rodgers. You know, there's like a 200-year-old Aaron Rodgers.

Speaker 3 I think Aaron Rodgers knew about that guy and has been grooming his own looks to look like that person in hopes that one day somebody will find that picture and be like, oh, isn't this quirky?

Speaker 1 Like this guy.

Speaker 3 Aaron Michelson or Aaron looks like this guy from back 200 years ago.

Speaker 3 This was a big psyop plant operation by Aaron Rodgers. He knew what he was doing.

Speaker 1 I also, just a little heads up, if you're handicapping this game, it is Christmas season, so Aaron Rodgers won't be giving or getting any gifts. So that probably changes his mood.

Speaker 1 Maybe a little surly.

Speaker 3 Maybe after Christmas. I would feel like that would impact him next weekend.

Speaker 1 Okay, yeah, next weekend against the Titans.

Speaker 1 Bucks, Falcons, Falcons, since the 28-3 game. So Tom Brady has played the Falcons right after the Super Bowl the year after.
But since the 28-3 game, the Falcons are 28-33. Kind of fun.

Speaker 3 28-33. Very fun stuff.

Speaker 1 Yeah, really bad since the Patriots beat them in the Super Bowl.

Speaker 1 To me, the Bucs are at this point, like they have to start proving it. Because even that Vikings games, when we talked about it on Sunday night,

Speaker 1 Dan Bailey sucked, and they should have blown him out, and they didn't really blow him out.

Speaker 1 The Bucs need to have a statement win sometime in the last three weeks for me to be feeling like the Bucs can do something in the playoffs.

Speaker 3 Yeah, and this doesn't really portend well for the Bucs. Their entire long snapping unit,

Speaker 3 their kicker, their punter, and their long snapper are all on the IR with the COVID. They're on the COVID list.

Speaker 3 So I don't know if they're getting off the Cocoa list before the game, but to me,

Speaker 3 this seems like a heartbreaking type loss for Tampa Bay special teams, the most important of all the units.

Speaker 1 The third of the game.

Speaker 3 I'd say it's the first phase of the game. You have to kick off before anything else happens.
That's true. So you've got 33 starters.

Speaker 3 And three of them, it looks like, are dealing with some sort of COVID. I don't know if it's contact tracing

Speaker 3 or if they tested positive or whatever it is, but I just know that it's not ideal to go into a division game against an opponent that loves to play extremely close matchups with most teams

Speaker 3 and then have your kicker and the person that hikes the ball to your kicker be on the IR.

Speaker 1 I would imagine the Bucs will just figure out a way to get Alex Guerrero designated as the official team doctor, and then that will clean itself up.

Speaker 3 Okay, so we're going to have you guys drink more water this week and you'll be good to go.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and throw this strawberry in the trash and the COVID is gone.

Speaker 3 Yeah, you're on the avocado cocoa list because that's the only way that you can get Corona under my watchful eye.

Speaker 1 Yes. All right.
Next up, Lions, Titans. This game should be a blowout for the Titans because I don't think anyone on the Lions wants to tackle Tractor Cito at this part of the season.

Speaker 1 But the story of this game and the story of all week was Frank Ragnow, who played last game for the Lions with a fractured throat.

Speaker 1 A fractured throat. That is one of those injuries.
There was an injury, some catcher had it a couple years ago where they had like a dislocated ball sack. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Fractured throat is up there for injuries that give you the willies down your spine when you read it.

Speaker 3 You're thinking of the twisted testicle. Twisted testicles.
Yeah, the testicle torsion. Some guy in the Giants had that, and I remember Felix Pye had that back in the day.

Speaker 3 It's just you spin your nut around, and the only way that you can get it right is you have to like sit in a hot bath and just let it unwind.

Speaker 3 Like you're holding a bowling ball that's been twisted up on a string. You just hold it up in the air until the string.
That's a yo-yo. It's called the yo-yo turns.
No, I'm thinking bowling ball.

Speaker 3 If you've got nuts like mine, I'm thinking like an eight-pounder.

Speaker 1 Who holds a bowling ball on a string?

Speaker 3 I'm trying to paint a picture out here. With the yo-yo.
With a yo-yo.

Speaker 3 No, a yo-yo.

Speaker 1 Yo-yo strings do have.

Speaker 3 You're thinking about sleeping it or walking through it.

Speaker 1 No, you got to let it hang and then unwind it. Unwind itself?

Speaker 3 Yeah. So if you have a twisted testicle, you have to hold it in the bath like it's a yo-yo.
Okay. And then once it unwinds, you basically get an orgasm once it gets back to normal and feels that way.

Speaker 3 Probably the best one.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Fractured throat. The fractured throat.

Speaker 1 That is there are certain injuries that you hear it and it just chills down your spine. Fractured throat is that.
He might play.

Speaker 1 I saw that he's communicating with the coaching staff by writing stuff down and hand signals. It seems like, listen.
I'm not going to tell someone what to do, what not to do. This is a free country.

Speaker 1 But, Frank,

Speaker 1 Calvin Johnson retired. Barry Sanders retired.
They realized that this was a losing proposition to be on the Detroit Lions. You have a fractured throat on a five-eight team.
You can sit this one out.

Speaker 3 Yeah, it's a weird throat to die on.

Speaker 3 No one would blame you if you sat out for the rest of the season. No, I didn't know that you could fracture a throat.
Is there a bone in your throat?

Speaker 1 Does he just have a sore throat? I don't know. I found the twisted tongue.

Speaker 1 Yeah. It was Jose Breu of the White Sox.
Ooh, Breyu.

Speaker 7 Okay.

Speaker 9 Testicular torsion.

Speaker 1 See that? Yeah. That's bad.
That's a bad injury.

Speaker 3 You think Heather Brooke could ever fracture her throat?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, that was the, everyone was saying.

Speaker 3 That's why she took the joke.

Speaker 1 The ears off? Yeah, underneath it was all porn jokes under the fractured throat. Like, not even this person could do it.
Yeah. Yeah.
What were you saying, Billy?

Speaker 10 Well, actually, with the torsion thing, if it keeps happening, they actually have to sew your nut to the side of your ball sack.

Speaker 1 That's our doctor. That sounds pretty soft.
Yep.

Speaker 1 He went to medical school.

Speaker 1 Billy was giving me advice.

Speaker 3 That's actually a good idea.

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 my favorite thing that you do, Billy, is you speak with such confidence when it comes to medical emergencies that I always believe it. I mean, you diagnosed me with COVID on Saturday night.

Speaker 1 And I was like, for like 24 hours, I was like, fuck, do I have it? And then I realized I'm listening to Billy Football MD.

Speaker 3 Billy rubbed CBD on my back earlier, and then he was like, dude,

Speaker 3 you got to pull your shirt all the way over it because otherwise the CBD will evaporate and go into the environment.

Speaker 1 No, that's the menthol.

Speaker 1 Yeah. It's killing the ozone.
But thank you. That actually, you are.

Speaker 1 Listen, Billy. That's actually what they do to fight.
I know, and you're better than

Speaker 1 David Chow. You should actually start replying to his reply.
Yeah. With, if you really want to know what injury this was, go to fightpaul.com.
That's a good idea. And you can put him up.
Yes.

Speaker 3 I'm actually, I'm shocked that David Chow, pro football doc, didn't start replying to Trace McSorley TikToks with links to his injury analysis of his knee after the game on Monday night.

Speaker 1 All right. So Texans, Colts, I don't know.

Speaker 1 Just a bunch of tweets saying, let's put Deshaun Watson in a safe house, protect Deshaun Watson at all costs, get overly dramatic about a guy playing football, and the Colts will probably win at the end in some weird fashion.

Speaker 3 This is a who cares game of the week for me. But it's important for the Colts.

Speaker 1 It's also a game where the Colts will.

Speaker 1 It will be some stupid way the Colts win this game.

Speaker 3 Yeah, it's like the old Peyton Manning Colts against the Texans.

Speaker 3 No matter what would happen, the Texans could kick their ass for like 50 minutes, and then at the end, Sage Rosenfelds would do a 780 helicopter, and it'd be a fumble six, and the Colts would somehow manage to win.

Speaker 3 Colts are going to win this game.

Speaker 1 Also, people who bet the over last time they played like two weeks ago probably have some Sunday scaries looking at this game because there were two points scored in the second half. That's me.

Speaker 1 Two points. That would be I.
Two points. All right, Patriots, Dolphins.
Ooh, are we going to get a mayor's bet between Hank and Jake? Patriots, by the way, are 5-2

Speaker 1 since 2013 going to Miami.

Speaker 1 Wouldn't it be funny if Cam Newton was like, he's the opposite of Tom Brady in pretty much everything because he's not good at playing football, but he's really good at going to Miami.

Speaker 1 I can run with that. Yeah, like it's Cam Newton.
His having

Speaker 1 a lot of

Speaker 7 end of the season wins against the Dolphins built up that they need to cash in on.

Speaker 1 Right, and Cam Newton is the guy. Like everything Tom Brady does well, Cam Newton doesn't, except then you reverse it for the going to Miami and winning.

Speaker 3 How about this? How about if the Dolphins win, Hank, you have to give Jake your pants. You know, the pants? The conductor, the ones that look like a clown, he broke out of jail.

Speaker 3 Jake, if you win,

Speaker 1 then you have to. I get your glasses.

Speaker 3 You get his tie. Jake's like the Jim Nance style.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 Tie for pants. Ooh, how? Yeah, we should do the so tie and pants, but also, why don't we do a little Syracuse and Duke? You could wear some Duke stuff, Jake.
Hank, you could wear some Syracuse stuff.

Speaker 7 I don't know if I could support Jim Behan. No,

Speaker 1 for what he did. Why not? Oh, what'd he do?

Speaker 1 Oh, come on.

Speaker 1 No, I don't. No.
Jake's not even in the middle of the day. It happened, Jake.
I mean, it did happen. It's something that happened.

Speaker 10 What are you going to say, Billy? I kind of want Hank to wear a suit.

Speaker 1 Oh, I've never seen Hank in a suit.

Speaker 10 I think it'd be hilarious.

Speaker 1 I wore one for the draft. You wore one for the Breeders Club when Wes Welker didn't give us ecstasy.

Speaker 3 You wore one.

Speaker 1 I wore one for a wedding and people lost their shit. I broke the internet.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Tracy McHanky. Wait, what's so tie and pants?

Speaker 1 Syracuse and Duke.

Speaker 7 And who loser has to say the C-word on Monday show.

Speaker 1 Yeah, actually, yeah, just do that. Loser has to swear on the show.

Speaker 1 Deal. All right.
All right. Perfect.
No. Why?

Speaker 1 I just can't. No.
It's a bet. It's a bet.
Okay.

Speaker 3 I think that it's.

Speaker 1 I think I want to go to the Puerto Rican League tie. From the top up.

Speaker 1 Puerto Rican League. All right.

Speaker 3 Pedron Mitoma.

Speaker 1 I actually think the Patriots could win this game just because they have made no sense.

Speaker 1 And this would follow along the lines of losing to the Texans, beating the Cardinals, killing the Chargers, losing to the Rams very badly.

Speaker 7 And the Ravens winning basically ended their playoff chances, so now that they're out of the playoffs,

Speaker 7 they'll show some life at their end.

Speaker 3 They're not totally out of the playoffs.

Speaker 1 They're pretty much

Speaker 1 all intents and purposes.

Speaker 3 Pretty much out of the playoffs. But they're not dead.

Speaker 7 If the Ravens lost, the path was there.

Speaker 1 But they have to not only win their remaining games, but they need help, too.

Speaker 1 All I know is

Speaker 3 Belchek has an agenda for this game. I don't know what the agenda is, but he's clearly communicated it to Brian Flores.

Speaker 3 So whatever Bill Belichick wants to have happen, Flores will make happen during this game. Yes.

Speaker 1 The Patriots have a 1% chance of making the playoffs. If they win out,

Speaker 1 it goes to a 9% chance.

Speaker 1 With nothing else happening, with no one else, no other losses out there. So yeah,

Speaker 1 and I think they would officially be eliminated if they lost. What's up, guys? It's Big Cat here making my Irish entrance with proper number 12 Irish whiskey.

Speaker 1 How do you make an Irish entrance you ask? It starts with a shot of proper number 12 Irish whiskey because real friends don't let friends Irish exit a party without a story to tell.

Speaker 1 Original proper number 12 is rich in a smooth blend of golden grain and single malt. Age four years in bourbon barrels.
Mix it up with some ginger ale for a classic and refreshing proper ginger.

Speaker 1 In the mood for something smooth, but a little sweeter, try proper Irish apple, a delicious blend of proper's award-winning Irish whiskey with crisp, fresh notes of apple.

Speaker 1 So get out there and make your Irish entrance. Anything else just wouldn't be proper.
Okay, Bears Vikings. Speaking of playoffs,

Speaker 1 I'm all the way back in for Sunday.

Speaker 3 Especially with a win.

Speaker 1 So it's not a pipe dream. I have not a pipe dream at all.
If the Bears have a 20% chance to get to the playoffs right now, if they win this game against the Vikings, they have a 43% chance.

Speaker 1 If they win the following week against the Jags, it's now a 53% chance. If they win against the Packers, it's a 90% chance.
So if they win out, they have a 90% chance to go to the playoffs.

Speaker 1 This is the game, though. This is the elimination game because the Vikings are fighting.
I am ready to get hurt again because I am

Speaker 1 in that dangerous territory where I actually think they can win this game, which means they will get fucking smoked. But here is what I have in my favor.
A quote.

Speaker 1 He's kicked good this week. I talked to him a couple times this week about certain things.
He's a very even-keeled guy that has a history of being a terrific kicker in this league.

Speaker 1 We're not going to dwell on it. Everybody else is, but we're not.
That is Mike Zimmer somehow, some way, keeping Dan Bailey as his kicker.

Speaker 1 How?

Speaker 3 How? I think he just hates him so much that

Speaker 3 he wants to torture him by keeping him around, and he loses all power over Dan Bailey the second that he cuts him. He can no longer hurt him once he's no longer under the purview of Mike Zimmer.

Speaker 3 So you keep your friends close and your enemies closer. And Mike Zimmer, like the Vikings are never going to have a good kicker.
The Bears are never going to have a great kicker.

Speaker 1 They're never going to have a good quarterback.

Speaker 3 Well, also, I mean, Robbie Gold was a great kicker. He's no longer there.

Speaker 3 But now it's not like, you know, going into this stretch, you would put the expectation on the Bears to have the kicker that is liable to blow things any minute. Nope.
But not in this game.

Speaker 3 In this game, it definitely favors you.

Speaker 3 And after we recorded the show, it took a long time, but me and Big Cat did sit down, and we came up with a scenario where the Bears get in at 9-7 and play the football team also at 9-7.

Speaker 3 And if you want to see a Mares bet, a lot of things have to happen.

Speaker 3 Well, are we playing the NFC Championship game? Yeah, that too. Could meet you there.
So we got to start thinking about what that meets can be.

Speaker 1 All right. So,

Speaker 1 yeah,

Speaker 1 I'm going to get hurt. I'm going to get hurt, but I'm ready to get hurt because you know what? I don't care.

Speaker 1 It's the middle of December, and I'm excited for the Bears to play on Sunday after this season has been a roller coaster and a disaster, starting 5-1 and being here.

Speaker 3 Whatever. Can I give you an honest take about Mitchell? Yeah, he's a great guy.
Mitchell that I've seen the last couple weeks in flashes, Mitchell Trubisky has been a meh quarterback.

Speaker 3 Well, he's been, eh.

Speaker 1 So the key to the Bears having success on offense is playing against really bad defenses. It's pretty much just that.

Speaker 1 Matt Nagy has finally figured out the league. It schedule only like next year

Speaker 1 when the Bears AD does the schedule, they should be scheduling

Speaker 1 North Texas. They should be scheduling Charlotte.
They should be scheduling the Sisters of the Poor and not other NFL teams because then they'll look good. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's tough to really take away anything from scoring 30-plus on the Texans and the Lions. Let's just say that.
I'm realistic about the Bears.

Speaker 1 The Vikings don't have a great defense, but when you actually think about it, they have done well against really bad defenses, which is okay, but they're not.

Speaker 3 Mitchell looks average, and that's like a super high compliment that I can pay to him.

Speaker 3 I don't think I think it's kind of fucked up that Matt Nagy has BU on his play card. We don't talk about that enough.

Speaker 10 Like, BU,

Speaker 3 that has got to be very confusing to look at. Like, you're looking at...
Past you telling future you to be you.

Speaker 1 It should be be yourself.

Speaker 3 Be yourself. Be Be you.
It's just, it's very, very confusing. Like, you have to sit down and think about being you at that point, and you're not you when you're thinking about being you.

Speaker 1 Not only that, but I would rather Matt Nagy be anyone but himself.

Speaker 6 Yeah, be any.

Speaker 1 Yeah, be Annie Reed. Be Annie Reid.

Speaker 3 Be Eric Bielema. Yeah,

Speaker 1 Eric B. Enemy.

Speaker 3 Eric B. Enemy.

Speaker 1 What do I say?

Speaker 3 Bielema.

Speaker 3 Be Brett Bielema. Meh, maybe not.

Speaker 1 He's pretty funny. You have to gain a lot of weight.
It's funny.

Speaker 1 Yeah, be anyone but yourself. That really should.
It should just have a list. Like, be Bill Walsh.
Yeah. Why not? Just do it for a game.

Speaker 3 Okay. You should just write don't in front of BU.

Speaker 1 Yeah, right. Not be you.
Superficial. Not.
Yeah. Yeah.
All right. Seattle, Washington football team.
I got a stat for you, PFT.

Speaker 1 Russell Wilson versus top 13 past defenses, 3-3 versus everyone else, 6-1.

Speaker 1 He's actually struggled against good defenses. The only thing that makes me nervous about this game is I don't know who's going to play quarterback for the Washington football team.

Speaker 1 And yeah, that's bad.

Speaker 3 I think it's Alex Smith. I think he's going to play, which is concerning to me.

Speaker 3 And it would not be the worst thing if we lost this game, if the football team lost this game, because as long as we take care of business for the rest of the season, we'll probably be okay.

Speaker 3 And this, I mean,

Speaker 3 Seattle coming to D.C. doesn't usually work out well if you're in Ral John.

Speaker 1 I don't love the football team.

Speaker 3 And this week, I like them. I like the football team.
I don't love them. If that same defense that we saw last week comes out, then, yeah, we obviously have an opportunity to beat anybody.

Speaker 3 If we get to Russell Wilson, like we were getting to Nick Mullins. But if we get to Russell Wilson like we got to Nick Mullins, guess what?

Speaker 3 We still have to deal with Russell Wilson not being Nick Mullins at that point.

Speaker 3 So the chance of him fumbling twice and throwing a bunch of interceptions, probably less likely than Nick Mullins doing it.

Speaker 3 I just

Speaker 3 am believing. I'm already believing.
I'm 100% in.

Speaker 11 That front four,

Speaker 3 if you're going to use all your first-round draft picks, it's probably better to do it all on the defensive side of the ball than go like the Falcons and have all first-round picks on the offensive side.

Speaker 3 Because if you load up on defense, you can still have a pathetic offense and people will respect you.

Speaker 1 Win a few beats.

Speaker 3 Because you're like, they're hard-nosed, baldy. It's tough to beat.

Speaker 1 You can freak out about it. It's a hard out.

Speaker 3 Yeah, we're a hard-out. Whereas if you're good on offense and extremely soft on defense, you get no respect.

Speaker 1 I have a bad stat for you.

Speaker 1 Every Sunday night when we leave the studio, I do a quick look at the lines and do gut reactions. My gut said, Washington football team plus five and a half is the easiest bet in the world.

Speaker 1 I don't like that. That's a bad stat for you people.
I hate that.

Speaker 3 I hate that. It is the most

Speaker 1 like a public dog because my brain is very public, and the initial reaction, if sometimes I can get myself off thinking the way the public does after like a lot of hard work and really thinking about these things, but the initial gut reaction was Washington football team, load up, back up the Brinks trucks, five and a half is too much.

Speaker 1 That's a problem. Yeah.

Speaker 3 I mean, we did see the Giants go into Seattle a couple weeks ago and beat them there. So

Speaker 1 it could happen.

Speaker 3 It could happen. Five and a half seems like too many.
I agree.

Speaker 3 So I like it. I don't love it.
Football team is going to play team football.

Speaker 3 You know what I thought? Here's kind of a high idea that I had when I took a muscle relaxer last night.

Speaker 3 It'd be funny if people started inserting the word football like we do for the New York football giants. The Washington football football football team.
I think that'd be a fun thing to do.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 3 We should do it. I think it's a fun thing to do.
Washington football football team.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 The Washington football football team, football club.

Speaker 1 Just keep saying that. Just keep it going.
All right, Jags, Ravens. Okay, you don't like it? That's fine.
No, it's a live team. So, yeah, it's...

Speaker 3 Yeah. I think it's got legs.

Speaker 1 Just keep adding footballs.

Speaker 3 Just add footballs to it. And what we do need to figure out what a logo for the team is going to be.
Yeah. I think it should be a football made out of football players.

Speaker 3 So it's actually like a football that is a football team.

Speaker 1 I like that.

Speaker 1 I like that.

Speaker 1 Jags, Ravens,

Speaker 1 who cares? Who cares? Yeah. Ravens, just beat them and move on down the line.
Move on down the line with this. Just do it.
We don't care.

Speaker 1 This is a game that we will probably forget about in the red zone.

Speaker 1 Now, the afternoon slate.

Speaker 1 This is a problem, guys, because we not only have three games, but one of them stinks out loud. The Jets being one of the third of our afternoon football is a big-time problem.

Speaker 1 So the Jets and Rams, this

Speaker 1 just, I guess the Jets are fun to watch because it's like, how bad can it get? Can it get?

Speaker 3 I want to see them lose in new and entertaining ways, but the problem is the Jets don't lose in new and entertaining ways. They lose 40-3 after scoring a field goal in the first two minutes.
Right.

Speaker 3 And then they get blown out. So I'd like to find,

Speaker 3 you know what I'm just going to do? I'm going to bet the over in this game, and it'll be on the side. Yep.
And I won't have to waste any mental capital paying attention to it.

Speaker 3 Just put the over on there and just have it humming in the background like white noise.

Speaker 1 And this is

Speaker 1 a game that last week we had the same thing where you're going to go into Sunday being like, well, no team in the NFL should be 17 and a half point dogs. The Jets should be.
So don't trick yourself.

Speaker 1 We all do it. I'll probably do it.
I'll probably bet the Jets, but don't do it.

Speaker 3 It's fun. But don't do it.

Speaker 1 It's fun for like the first quarter because you're covering. Yeah.

Speaker 1 and then it's you feel really bad because you actually feel like a genius in that first quarter you're like everyone out there thinks the jets are so bad right guess what these guys get paid too these guys are professionals too and they're playing for the tape then they lose by 50 right and as soon as they get out of the number you're screwed because they can never get back in it like they're as soon as this game is 21 to three it's over yeah

Speaker 1 it's over um all right eagles cardinals jalen hurts did you see doug peterson by the way uh was like we're gonna look at the tape and assess if Jalen's still our starter?

Speaker 1 I think he's just addicted to fucking with his starters.

Speaker 3 Yeah, well, he said basically that Jalen Hurts was starting a week before he was actually the starter. Right.
Like, he won't answer a straight question of whether Carson Wentz was going to be playing.

Speaker 3 And, yeah,

Speaker 3 it can't be fun to play for a guy like that.

Speaker 1 Yes. And, I mean, Carson Wentz, what cool plays is Doug Peterson going to draw up for Jalen Hurts? Because it's been pointed out, but Doug Peterson was great with Nick Foles.

Speaker 1 He has one game with Jalen Hurts, but it looked pretty good. And for some reason, with Carson Wentz, they just don't work together.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I think that if you're a defense, what Doug Peterson's trying to do is play mind games with his opponent, be like, who are they going to game plan for?

Speaker 3 Carson Wentz or Jalen Hurts. You probably draw up the exact same game plan.
And the bonus with Carson Wentz is he's probably going to fumble the ball at least twice and throw you a couple picks.

Speaker 3 Jalen Hurts might not do that. Jalen Hurts is right now a turbo version of what Carson Wentz was trying to do.

Speaker 3 So I think the game plan doesn't really matter if you're drawing up what your matchups are going to look like, if it's going to be Jalen Hurts or Carson Wentz. Yes.

Speaker 1 By the way,

Speaker 1 we totally forgot the 49ers in Dallas. That's my fault.
49ers in Dallas, whatever.

Speaker 3 But it's a game that it'll take you back to the mid-90s. Just imagine that it's 1995.
The Simpsons are still funny. Bill Clinton's president.
And everything's hunky-dory in the world.

Speaker 1 Everything's great.

Speaker 1 And Kyle Shanahan is way better than Mike McCarthy as a coach. Yes.
So just remember that that when you bet on this game.

Speaker 1 Say that to yourself over and over.

Speaker 3 How many Kyle Shanahan's do you think could fit inside one Mike McCarthy? I think three and a half.

Speaker 1 Yeah, easily. Easily.
Uh-huh. Yeah.
Mike McCarthy.

Speaker 6 He looks like.

Speaker 3 If I didn't know who Kyle Shanahan's dad was, I'd say Mike McCarthy looks exactly like Kyle Shanahan's dad.

Speaker 1 Mike McCarthy's going to die from how tight his mask is. And then we're going to call it a COVID death.

Speaker 3 Oh, it's crazy.

Speaker 3 And his mask is not only super tight, but it covers percentage-wise the highest portion of his face of any NFL coach. Yes.
He looks like sub-zero. It's glued on.

Speaker 1 It actually looks like, remember when they did, when Sports Illustrated was like, hey, let's sell even more magazines to horny middle-aged guys. Let's paint on the bikinis.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So you can almost see that it's porn.

Speaker 1 His mask is literally painted on.

Speaker 3 You remember when Sports Illustrated tried to get a little more inclusive with the swimsuit edition? And they're like, we're going to try to be less sexist this year.

Speaker 3 What can we do to make it less misogynistic? I know. Let's have athletes' wives posing in swimsuits.
That'll tie it back into sports. That was good, by the way.

Speaker 1 I mean, Phil Mickelson's wife was, yeah, I mean, I was a fan of it.

Speaker 3 Roger Clemens' wife. She was

Speaker 1 a big day in the late 90s because that was basically all you got was sports illustrators.

Speaker 3 Yeah, you go into the bathroom, and pops his life, wow, little PFT really loves that Rick Riley column.

Speaker 1 All right. Chief Saints, our best stat that we thought of last year is still holding true.
Patrick Mahomes, indoor cat. Not an outdoor cat.
Indoors, he's 0-3 against the spread.

Speaker 1 0-3 against the spread. Yeah.
Just think about that.

Speaker 3 And is Drew Brees going to come back with his 11-mc ribs in his sternum? Probably. We don't know.

Speaker 1 Probably. But

Speaker 3 I think that if Drew Brees comes back, I think it's probably...

Speaker 3 The Saints really don't gain that much from having Drew Brees with like a flexible intestinal cavity over having a fully bodied Taysom Hill out there.

Speaker 1 He's going to come back. His ribs are going to be healed.
But guess what isn't? His shoulder injury. Mm-hmm.
Because he forgot to tell the doctor about that. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's like, Doc, my ribs are fucked up. And they've only been looking at his ribs.

Speaker 3 Wait, I'm trying to remember what the end game was for the shoulder. So the rib injury, excuse me, the 11-rib injury was fake because his shoulder was...
going to need time to heal.

Speaker 1 No, no, no. His shoulder,

Speaker 1 he can't throw deep anymore, period. But his shoulder is hurt.
He can't throw deep anymore, even worse.

Speaker 1 So it's like his game is so limited that defenses can plan for him being like, this guy's shoulder's shot. We don't have to guard anything.
They reverse it. We're like, it's the ribs.

Speaker 1 His shoulder's fine. So once the ribs are good, he'll be good to go.

Speaker 3 Just watch.

Speaker 1 Just watch Drew Brees trying to throw it deep. Can't do it.

Speaker 3 I just wish that his ribs should have been made out of the same thing as his neck was when he took that hit from the Niners. Do you remember that? Yeah, the all-time stretchy gumpy neck.

Speaker 1 Stretch Armstrong.

Speaker 3 Yeah, something, I guess his ribs are cartilage, and then it turns to bone around his heart.

Speaker 1 Right, right. All right, Sunday Night Football, Browns and Giants, Freddie Kitchens revenge game.

Speaker 3 Well, this is the ultimate revenge game. Yeah, and Kobe Coy.
No, down the list. You start at the top in this game.
Stefansky and Judge went to high school with each other. Oh, wow.

Speaker 3 Yeah, you're going to get beaten over the head with that shit on Sunday night. Get ready for some old photos from the yearbook.
Get ready for some old superlatives, some practice footage.

Speaker 3 So Stefansky and Judge obviously both both went to high school in Philadelphia because every NFL coach is from Pennsylvania.

Speaker 1 Every college coach from Ohio, every NFL coach from Pennsylvania.

Speaker 3 So, that's Stafford Kershaw stuff right there. And then you've got Freddie Kitchen's revenge game.
You've got Odell Beckham's revenge game. He's not playing.
You've got Colt McCoy revenge game.

Speaker 3 You've got Jabril Pepper's revenge game. And you have

Speaker 3 there's one more.

Speaker 1 Line.

Speaker 3 Line. What's the other one?

Speaker 3 There's another one here.

Speaker 1 Basically,

Speaker 3 it's like Game of Thrones. It's just incestuous.

Speaker 3 Browns tried to kill somebody on the toilet last week. Yep.

Speaker 1 Freddy Kitchens, though, revenge game. Like the fact that we get to see Freddy Kitchens' face in the cold being Freddy Kitchens.

Speaker 1 God damn it, this is going to be great. God damn it, is this going to be great.

Speaker 3 It favors the Browns, though. Their mutters.

Speaker 3 And it's going to be like 40 degrees and rainy in New York. Yep.
And Browns, they've got experience in that weather.

Speaker 1 Yes. Wait, is it actually going to be that? Yeah.
Fuck.

Speaker 1 Yes. God damn it.

Speaker 3 We got to bet on the Browns then.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Have to. I'll say as a football team.

Speaker 1 Jabrill Peppers.

Speaker 3 Yes. Jabrill Peppers.
As a football team fan, I hope that Jason Garrett makes 100% recovery

Speaker 3 from COVID. I want to see him on the sidelines for the next 25 years calling plays for the Giants.
So please get well soon, Jason.

Speaker 1 And I don't know.

Speaker 1 Is Colt McCoy playing? So Colt McCoy is playing?

Speaker 6 Yeah, I think so.

Speaker 1 So Daniel Jones, Joe Judge, you officially made a terrible mistake having Daniel Jones on one leg out there last week. Hopefully, Colt McCoy can fix that.

Speaker 3 Well, they got around that by saying, like, Daniel Jones had a new injury. Re-injured.

Speaker 1 Reagravated.

Speaker 3 Yeah, he was not ever aggravated to begin with.

Speaker 1 Got it. Got it.
But yeah, Colt McCoy,

Speaker 3 I'm going with the Browns. The weather is really what's pushing me over the top.

Speaker 1 Yeah, this is going to be a weird game. It's going to be an ugly game, I feel like.
Maybe I'll just take the unders. Sunday Night Unders feel like they hit.
All right. That is.

Speaker 1 Oh, I have my Can't Lose Parliament. Olivier Vernon.
There you go. Olivier Olivier Vernon revenge.

Speaker 3 It is. That's what I was thinking about.
Thanks, Jake. Hank, cut out that seven seconds of delay where I was trying to think of Olivier Vernon.

Speaker 1 Line, line.

Speaker 5 Okay, let's see.

Speaker 3 While you're looking up the can't-lose parlay, we've got a new bet in the Barcelona Sportsbook, the Track Torcito 2K bet. If Track Torcito hits 2,000 yards on the season, you bet yes.

Speaker 3 I think it pays out plus 270.

Speaker 3 And Derrick Henry is playing a pretty doable schedule. He's got the Lions.
I think he's got the the Packers.

Speaker 1 Easy.

Speaker 3 I think the last game is against the

Speaker 1 division.

Speaker 3 Line. Jaguars.
Jaguars.

Speaker 1 There it is.

Speaker 1 All right. Can't lose parlay.

Speaker 1 I'm dipping into Saturday. Dipping into college, Texas week.

Speaker 1 I'm dipping into college football. I'm dipping into Saturday.

Speaker 1 We're going to lay a base on Saturday, and then Sunday is going to be nice and easy. It's Bama minus six and a half.
They're going to fucking kill Florida. Packers minus two and a half.

Speaker 1 They will kill the Panthers, unfortunately. and then on Sunday it's Titans minus two and a half Ravens minus two and a half that's gonna pay like plus two hundred plus

Speaker 1 it's a two-day can't lose parlay what could go wrong I like it what could go wrong nothing it cannot lose it cannot lose Billy you got anything pardon my take dot net for the spreadsheet I can't believe you did that website how many websites do you control the domains for you own all these websites you own half the internet I own seven websites yeah you're you're a real estate mobile pardon my take.net.

Speaker 1 It's crashed. What? Oh, my God.
This is Billy's budget betting. This is such a ridiculous.

Speaker 3 If you're on a budget.

Speaker 1 This really, this is, I'm getting some big-time

Speaker 1 Bitcoin 2 gen vibes out of this. The new payout versus outcomes.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 10 This isn't the new one. That's the old one.

Speaker 1 This is the old one.

Speaker 1 This is the most. Where do you even look on this website?

Speaker 10 I'm actually going to make it a little more easier to understand.

Speaker 1 Well, it's

Speaker 1 not. Anything you do

Speaker 1 is you understand.

Speaker 9 It's up $200

Speaker 10 over the past four weeks.

Speaker 1 Oh my God, Billy. This is a disaster.
You never actually looked at it.

Speaker 3 How many different font sizes?

Speaker 1 It's actually the only thing that's been winning. Also, the color scheme is just

Speaker 1 a disaster. Yeah, he wins.
Yeah, but

Speaker 1 you're not going to be able to do it.

Speaker 10 Over the past four weeks, if you'd start with $100,

Speaker 10 you'd have $300 now.

Speaker 1 Okay. That's not true.
It is true. No check.
It is true. Check out $300.
Billy, do you know anything? Everything $100 about

Speaker 10 the $200 that you won plus the $100 you started with.

Speaker 1 It's actually

Speaker 1 start with $100.

Speaker 3 Say if you start with $1 million, you'd be up to $100.

Speaker 1 Yeah, well, $10.

Speaker 10 Well, we're on a budget here.

Speaker 1 Not all of us are going to be able to do that. What $100 gambler if you've got a problem? Yeah.

Speaker 3 I like how you just fucked up the entire format of this website so that you could include a graph that shows the line going up.

Speaker 1 Yeah, my eyes hurt.

Speaker 10 No, that graph just shows the amounts of the outcomes. Go to the second page.

Speaker 1 The second page is just as jarring. Sheet three.
And the third page is even the worst. The third page is just a bunch of numbers.

Speaker 3 How come it goes sheet one and then the second page is sheet three?

Speaker 3 And then the third page is sheet two.

Speaker 10 It's just where the codes draw from.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 10 But by the time you listen to this, it should be up on pardonmytake.net.

Speaker 1 And it won't look any better than this. It will.
So the could also happen, could happen just in case statistics. It's the only analysis top hinge duo bottom.

Speaker 10 You can make fun of it, but I'm not.

Speaker 1 I'm reading it for the people.

Speaker 1 I'm reading it for the people.

Speaker 3 Four weeks.

Speaker 1 Billy, I love this parlay. We'll get it.
You tell tell me and I'll load it up all of them it's

Speaker 1 I actually haven't figured it out yet okay but par my take net by tomorrow all right let's do fantasy lads fantasy lad boys the fantasy lad boys and then actually we're gonna do andy staples first and then we'll have tiffany thiessen great interview with tiffany thiessen awesome interview who's that mate let's do it mate who's tiffany tayson proper legend she's she she's a bird bird from the 90s right you'd like to shag i

Speaker 8 love that all right boys my name's shelby Eisenhower.

Speaker 1 Let's go, Shelby. Last of Showby Eisenhower.

Speaker 8 It's beans, french fries, on a piece of toast for lunch.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's what I call good eating. Nice.

Speaker 8 Throw out the fish and chips. This is the Creole traditional meal.
We call it the old faithful. I saw a pic on Twitter and I was like, my mouth started watering.

Speaker 3 I was like, damn, those beans look good. Water up prototype like the fucking British channel.
Beans.

Speaker 8 Love it.

Speaker 1 Beans, beans, and magical fruit. The more you eat, the more you toot.

Speaker 8 My sit-in is Bubba Fett. He's dead.

Speaker 1 Bubba? Nerd.

Speaker 8 He kicked the dirt, bro. He's dead.

Speaker 3 Was that some Star Trek analogy?

Speaker 1 No, it's all six meat is deep.

Speaker 8 The original actor is dead, so you know. Rest in Liverpool, mate.

Speaker 1 Oh, fuck.

Speaker 8 Rest in treat.

Speaker 8 And my sleeper.

Speaker 1 Hey, Jew.

Speaker 1 Speaking of Liverpool, is anyone

Speaker 1 take a good

Speaker 1 song and make it better?

Speaker 1 Remember to let it into your heart.

Speaker 1 Then you can start

Speaker 1 to make it better,

Speaker 1 better, better, better, better, better

Speaker 1 and Moss Tlepot

Speaker 1 ever been in a Spider-Man.

Speaker 8 Anyway, Mark, sleep out, who's anyone who's ever been at a Spider-Man movie ever?

Speaker 1 Ever!

Speaker 8 So many rumors, have you been in a Spider-Man movie? You're rumoured to be in Spider-Man 3.

Speaker 8 So good for you.

Speaker 1 One, two, three.

Speaker 3 One, two, three. Pass a lot of quid.
Three.

Speaker 3 Spider-Man Zed. Alright, what?

Speaker 1 What you got? I get knocked down.

Speaker 1 But I get up again. You're never gonna keep me down.
I get knocked down.

Speaker 1 But I get up again. You're never gonna keep me down.

Speaker 3 I'm drinking a whiskey drink, right? I'm stopping. Oh, it's not fuck heads, isn't it? And a lava drink.
Prince fucking Harry. I'm starting Yarnick and Garkwe.
Everybody,

Speaker 3 get out there and get out to vote for Yarnik and Garkwe for Pro Bowl.

Speaker 3 You get Yarnik and Gockwe to Pro Bowl, right? Jaguars get a better pick.

Speaker 1 The London Jaguars get a better pick next year.

Speaker 3 But my London Jaguars, better pick in the draft, ain't it? I'm sitting Russia. I'm sitting Russia, the country of Russia.
They've been banned for two years from the Olympics for using the name.

Speaker 3 Fuck them.

Speaker 1 Fuck off, Russia. Fuck off, Russia.

Speaker 3 You can't even use your fucking name in the Olympics. Fucking Russia.
You're the fucking new R-Words. The Russian Washington football team is what I call you.

Speaker 1 No, the Russian Washington Football, Football, Football, Football Team.

Speaker 3 Football Club, innit? Lick on me bullets, Russia.

Speaker 3 My sleeper, sleep, Josh Jacobs. Josh Jacobs played last night.
Roger Shakespeare played very well. Sleeping, he's a fucking twat.
He's been chuffing around on the Instagram stories.

Speaker 3 He owes Matthew Berry and Matthew Berry's disciples proper for his misuse of Instagram stories last week.

Speaker 3 If you've got to act like a tot, we're going to put you in a pie, Josh Jacobs. That's what we say.
Congratulations on putting up proper numbers on Thursday Night Football, isn't it?

Speaker 1 Right, right, right, right,

Speaker 1 right.

Speaker 1 All right, right.

Speaker 1 I'm William Football. My bottom is James Harden.
That fat fox looks like he's had too many meat pies in the offseason.

Speaker 3 Right. The bangers in the the match.
Right, you got fat fox towed in the hoe.

Speaker 8 When your lad gets fat like that, you gotta, your crew gotta gotta sit him proper.

Speaker 3 You gotta have a word with your mate and say, maybe take off the whiskey drink and the lager drink and stick to the cider drink and the bulk of drink.

Speaker 1 Screps? My sentiment is Tottenham. Still Tottenham.
They fucking suck. Top of the table, my ass.
That's day dodging trophies.

Speaker 3 Fucking constant.

Speaker 1 My sleeper is

Speaker 1 snow. I fucking forgot how shit shite Snow is.
It's also wet.

Speaker 3 Snow's a bit shy. It is real shy.

Speaker 1 Get you real fucked up off there for the match, eh? Get shot off.

Speaker 1 Alright.

Speaker 10 It's Zachary Apercrombie.

Speaker 3 My stardom.

Speaker 3 My stardom is Mike Kasicki. My Siddham is

Speaker 1 No Reason. What? No reason.
Mike Kasicki.

Speaker 1 Mike Kasicki, Sicky. Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 Well, that's a reason. He's in the foot meat.
That's a reason, eh? Mike, you know what an American foot is?

Speaker 3 It's your hand. Get it?

Speaker 1 Football. Oh,

Speaker 1 okay.

Speaker 3 Our

Speaker 10 sit-um is relegation. Our relegation is an English word that's been thrown around.

Speaker 1 So, why don't you explain to us, you fucking boss?

Speaker 10 Our sit-um is regulation. That stops him.

Speaker 3 I sleepless chamomile tea.

Speaker 1 It's been remotely. Chamomilete.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 Give us that math of business with some chemicals.

Speaker 3 Respect me. Alright.

Speaker 1 Fantasy lads.

Speaker 3 Great to do a single on.

Speaker 1 Feels good always to do a single on. Ah, James Harden, that was a bad picture.
Fat boy. That was a fat boy.
Fat boy. Wait till tomorrow.

Speaker 3 It might have been a bad angle, but I choose not to look at any more angles of James Harden pictures. It's like the Eddie Lacey effect that we had from a couple years ago.

Speaker 3 I choose to believe that James Harden is fat, and I say more power to him. The eating your way out of town is a move that it's underused.

Speaker 3 And if all else fails and you want to be traded, just put on a shitload of weight until until people are embarrassed of you. And then guess what? You can always lose the weight later.

Speaker 1 He is the top guy. If you said to yourself, who are the guys that would just get super fat and demand a trade? It's basically James Harden and Joel Umbeat.
That's one and two.

Speaker 1 You can maybe change them two and one, whatever it is, but they say, trade me. Oh, you're not going to trade me? Okay.
Well, guess what?

Speaker 1 I'm going to get super fat and then probably get injured and then you're stuck with my fat ass.

Speaker 3 But you know what? James Harden was in the bubble for, I mean, not that long because the rockets rockets stink and got bounced. But he was in the bubble.

Speaker 3 And once you get out of that environment, of course you're going to eat a little bit more. Yeah.
Of course, you're going to enjoy the fruit. It's like getting out of prison.

Speaker 3 Oh, I don't just have to eat nothing but dry tuna fish sandwiches. Yeah, I'm going to eat lasagna every single night like I'm Garfield and it's a Monday in perpetuity.
So yeah, fuck it.

Speaker 3 James Harden, good on you. Getting fat.

Speaker 3 I just love the phrase, eating your way out of town. Yes.

Speaker 1 He is doing it. Yeah.
He is doing it.

Speaker 3 He's macking his way to the East Coast.

Speaker 1 Yes. All right.
Let's get to a little college football championship weekend preview with our friend Andy Staples. Before we do that, though.
I'm not going back to college to be your friend.

Speaker 1 I'm going so I can get Uber One for students. It saves you on Uber and Uber Eats.
I'm there for $0 delivery fee on cheeseburgers, up to 10% off smoothies, and 6% Uber credits back on rides.

Speaker 1 Just to be clear, I'm there for savings, not whatever you think college is for.

Speaker 12 Get Uber One for students, a membership to save on Uber and Uber Eats. With deals this good, everyone wants to be a student.
Join for just $4.99 a month. Savings may vary.

Speaker 12 Eligibility and member terms apply.

Speaker 1 And now, here's Andy Staples.

Speaker 1 Okay, we now welcome on a good friend of the show, recurring guest, Andy Staples. You can find him at Andy underscore Staples.
You can find his writing on The Athletic.

Speaker 1 He also has the Andy Staples Show with Friends,

Speaker 1 which is a great podcast, great podcast art.

Speaker 3 How come we've never been on that show? We're not friends. Are we not friends? Yeah, we're not friends.

Speaker 14 Well, you know, we're trying to launch the friends, but you guys are welcome anytime you want. In fact, you have now made a huge mistake

Speaker 14 because now I'm going to text you every time I can't.

Speaker 1 I got moustached.

Speaker 3 I mouse trapped myself.

Speaker 1 I don't want it because you're going to tell me the Rose Bowl doesn't matter, and I don't want to get into that.

Speaker 3 It's actually a great

Speaker 14 strategy on the Rose Bowl is a perfectly nice place to launch a football game. I don't want to hear that.
But national championships matter.

Speaker 1 Yes, they do. All right.
I have a lame take for you

Speaker 1 going into college football championship Saturday that will probably piss some people off of some fan bases, but that's what college football is about.

Speaker 1 But I am, for the first time going into championship Saturday, I am rooting against chaos. I do not want any chaos.

Speaker 1 I think the best four teams are very clearly Alabama, Clemson, Notre Dame, and Ohio State. I do not want to talk about trash Texas AM and their only good win being against Florida.

Speaker 1 I don't want to talk about Iowa State losing by 17 to Louisiana. I like Cincinnati.
I've been repping Cincinnati. I don't think they're one of the best four teams.
I don't want chaos.

Speaker 1 Is that too lame to even say out loud?

Speaker 14 That was pretty much the entirety of my Tuesday night show after the rankings came out. We kept talking about it.
We were like, are we saying we want Chalk? Because that feels like a bad thing to say.

Speaker 14 That feels like a stupid thing to say because what's better than a chaos-filled championship Saturday?

Speaker 14 I mean, I remember James Brown and Roll left to beat Nebraska in the first Big 12 championship game.

Speaker 14 K-State beating Oklahoma in that Big 12 game.

Speaker 14 Just Michigan State beating Ohio State, the pizza scene on the golf cart after that. I mean, that's the sort of thing you want out of a championship Saturday, but you're absolutely right.

Speaker 14 You don't want that this time because that's a really nice playoff. Think about those TV matchups.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 14 Now we're not, we're not programmers, but Bama, Ohio State. Now, I think some stuff, three and four might find their way to get changed a little bit.

Speaker 14 So maybe you get Bama, Notre Dame, Clemson, Ohio State.

Speaker 1 How pissed with Notre Dame

Speaker 3 would be so mad.

Speaker 1 That would suck for Notre Dame fans if they were undefeated all year, beat Clemson the regular season, play in a championship game, which they don't want to do because they don't want to be in a conference, and then end up drawing Bama on the playoff, you know, Saturday or whenever it's played.

Speaker 1 That would suck for them.

Speaker 14 It would. But for us to not have to watch the third installment unless it's the national championship game, it would be wonderful.

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 14 I'm not saying they should just flip those around if they want to, but they should flip those around if they want to.

Speaker 3 The ultimate chaos scenario would be for Notre Dame to beat Alabama and then for Clemson to

Speaker 3 beat Ohio State and then for Clemson to beat Notre Dame in the championship game.

Speaker 3 That would be ultimate chaos when it comes to rooting for a little bit of Notre Dame pain to get you through the wintertime.

Speaker 14 Oh, that would be tremendous. The ultimate chaos scenario, though, I think, is

Speaker 14 not, well, it's pretty far-fetched. Okay.
Notre Dame beating Clemson is not that far-fetched. We've seen it happen once.
So if that happens, somebody else is getting it.

Speaker 14 Whether that's Texas A ⁇ M, well, it's Texas A ⁇ M probably as long as they beat Tennessee. Because I just can't imagine, like, Iowa State sitting there at six.

Speaker 14 But even if they beat Oklahoma, are you going to put the team that lost to the Raging Cajuns in the playoff?

Speaker 1 Wouldn't it be Oklahoma, though? Wouldn't Oklahoma, Iowa State being six, is the fuel to get Oklahoma all the way up?

Speaker 14 I thought about that as the Oklahoma catapult. I just don't think they're thinking about it that way.

Speaker 1 And as soon as Kirk Herb Street, that would be Oklahoma's best win.

Speaker 1 As soon as Kirk Herb Street, and I like Kirk, got in front of the TV on Tuesday night, I think it was, and being like, Oklahoma is playing better than they have played in the last five years.

Speaker 1 I was like, oh, something's up.

Speaker 1 This smells right now. They're already starting.

Speaker 14 The oklahoma is the in contingency because they don't want to have a m go to the playoff and score seven points and get their fucking ass kicked but here's my question if you're going to do that why wouldn't you just make it usc they're undefeated like ohio state is and if they beat oregon they're still undefeated now look i've i've watched every usc game I watched every blessed minute of the Arizona State game and the Arizona game.

Speaker 14 As an old person, I love that they have a kicker named Parker Lewis who apparently cannot lose, but I just, I can't see this team playing as Alabama.

Speaker 1 It would be a bloodbath.

Speaker 14 But if you're going to make a contingency plan, at least make it that one. Not a team that's lost to Iowa State and K-State already.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 3 I think that we'd all be rooting a little bit harder for the chaos scenario if USC was further up there. It is, it's looking at AM and being like, if this is our option, then just give me normalcy.

Speaker 3 We've had enough chaos surrounding this season.

Speaker 3 I'll take watching Christmas Story seven times on Christmas Day and then the four-team matchup of Alabama, Notre Dame, Clemson, Ohio State in the playoffs. Give me a little slice of normalcy.

Speaker 14 That is our Red Rider BB gun.

Speaker 1 Absolutely. Yes.
I just

Speaker 1 can't stand. I feel like A ⁇ M is not that good.
I just really don't think they're that good. They've struggled with some bad SEC teams, and that does matter to me.

Speaker 1 I know that's not how the committee always looks at it, but

Speaker 1 the argument is Ohio State hasn't played enough games.

Speaker 1 I get that but when they have played bad teams they've kicked the shit out of them and that matters to me right like that should matter whereas AM beat Vanderbilt by five they they beat Mississippi State by 14 they were a pick six drop away from Auburn beating them not a good Auburn team so I just think AM has not been as impressive as some of the other teams that we're talking about I'm gonna let you take this up with Casey Smith because I'm sure

Speaker 14 you've heard plenty about the Aggies in the office but yeah I'm with you on that.

Speaker 14 The thing is, I think A ⁇ M has one path and one path only, and that is Alabama, Clobbers, Florida, and Notre Dame beats Clemson.

Speaker 14 But the thing is, if Notre Dame does beat Clemson, I think they're going to be in. I think A ⁇ M would be in because I just can't picture who else they put in.

Speaker 14 Now, here's my question. We talked about this the other night, and

Speaker 14 I struggled with this one. Because we're solely basing this on the eye test this year.
I mean, look, there's no non-conference really, except that we know that the Sun Belt is better than the Big 12.

Speaker 14 You've got to go all I test. So if you're just using the I test,

Speaker 14 two loss Clemson with two losses to the Dotre Dame

Speaker 1 versus one loss A ⁇ M, then Dabo's got you compromised. This is you are reading Dabbo's script.
Dabbo has a script on Saturday.

Speaker 14 The Clemson is out.

Speaker 13 Yeah.

Speaker 14 But I'm telling you right now,

Speaker 14 if I asked you guys or if I asked somebody who makes the number, who's better, Clemson or Texas AM, you know what they're going to say.

Speaker 1 Of course, Clemson will be favored. This is the sheet that Dabo's going to.

Speaker 1 It's like a break glass in case of an emergency.

Speaker 1 If he loses to Notre Dame somehow on Saturday night, his SID will hand him this sheet of paper and it will be all the talking points you just said.

Speaker 3 All of a sudden, Dabo.

Speaker 1 100%. Dabo will become a big, he'll do it.

Speaker 3 Big gambler guy. Yeah.
He'll become like the biggest believer in Las Vegas

Speaker 3 for one night and one night only.

Speaker 1 He'll do the, I think he did this. Was it it might have been Dabo did it? It might have been Saban.
No, it's Kirby Smart.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's Kirby Smart where he said, ask them who they'd rather play, where that becomes the thing. Like, hey,

Speaker 1 ask Sabin if he'd rather play Clemson or Tex Say and M. That should be the deciding factor.

Speaker 14 This has always been my

Speaker 14 thing. You've got to have this method of choosing number four if you don't know who number four is.
Yeah, you kidnap the coach of the number one seat.

Speaker 14 Like as soon as the committee goes through, the way they do the rankings, it's like one through three, and then they move on to three through six.

Speaker 14 So, as soon as they got one through three and they've got

Speaker 14 Alabama number one, you press the button, and the team swoops in and grabs Nick Saban. They inject him.
And I'm sure there's some sort of formula that requires you to tell the truth.

Speaker 3 You know, opioid cream pies directly to the city.

Speaker 1 Exactly.

Speaker 14 That's right. Little Debbie cake and a Coke.
And you say, Coach Saban,

Speaker 14 we're trying to choose between Ohio State and Texas A ⁇ M. Who would you like to play? And he's, you know, kind of gorked out.
He's like,

Speaker 14 give me the Aggies. And you go, all right, Ohio State's number four.
Done. It's the easiest way.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I like it too.

Speaker 3 The only thing is, like,

Speaker 3 he is so far into his own coach speak coach brain that he would probably say the team that he would rather not play as being the team that he would rather play against.

Speaker 3 He's going to outthink the room.

Speaker 3 Nick Sabin can outthink a lie detector test. I'm 100% certain about that.
Yes. But I do agree.
So I want it to remain in this top four.

Speaker 1 However,

Speaker 3 it would be funny to see Dabo freak out if he got leapfrogged, if Clemson dropped it. That's the only

Speaker 1 part that I think.

Speaker 14 Dabo has gone from this sympathetic figure, you know, former Alabama walk-on, folksy off-shucks, to...

Speaker 14 Basically, the captain of Starkiller base, Grand Moff Dabo.

Speaker 14 And nobody gives him any sympathy anymore. He has no sympathy.
But he thinks he's still that same guy from a few years ago. So he will turn on the off shucks as soon as that happens.

Speaker 14 And it's not going to land the way he thinks it will.

Speaker 3 Yeah, and he's a great coach, and he deserves everything that he's like obviously very, very good at what he does.

Speaker 3 But it gives me an enormous amount of joy to see him struggle to figure out reasons why he's being slighted week in and week out.

Speaker 14 It is amazing because it was so easy for so long because you had Alabama and everybody was was saying, oh, Alabama's the best team.

Speaker 14 The way Clemson beat Alabama in that national title game after the 18 season, because that Alabama team looked invincible and Clemson just crushed them.

Speaker 14 Now we can only think of Clemson as a team that could potentially crush everyone. So

Speaker 14 he can't ever play that card again. He has screwed himself out of that.

Speaker 1 So here's one that I had this discussion earlier this week, and I know the answer to it, but it doesn't sit right with me. Florida beats Alabama.
Alabama's probably still in.

Speaker 1 Does that make any sense to you? That makes no sense from just a going forward.

Speaker 1 It's never happened.

Speaker 1 A team loses. The conference championship.

Speaker 14 It actually happened in the BCS era. There were only two teams.

Speaker 1 No, but hold on. But Kansas State didn't go to the national championship.

Speaker 14 But Oklahoma did. Right.

Speaker 1 But I'm saying Florida would not, most likely, and Bama would.

Speaker 1 So, all right, so throw this out there. Florida wins.
Yeah. Clemson beats Notre Dame.
Ohio State Trucks Northwestern. Who are the four teams?

Speaker 14 So I thought this through. And initially I was like, okay, well, that's easy.
Alabama's still in. And then AM gets in because AM beat Florida.
Right. But then I'm thinking, wait a second.

Speaker 14 Now you have a situation where all three of them beat each other. Yes.
Or Bama beat AM. A ⁇ M beat Florida and Florida beat Alabama.
That's very similar to the 2008 Big 12 South scenario.

Speaker 14 The difference is that Florida has that that lost LSU sitting in there, too.

Speaker 14 But I think the committee, which the only thing they've ever been consistent about is they like good wins, which is one of the reasons I think Iowa State is where they are because they had a really good win against Oklahoma.

Speaker 14 But what would be the best win anybody had Florida over Alabama? So I think they would just pick who they think are the two best teams. out of Florida, Alabama, and AM and put those teams in.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 1 you single high Oh, they're not AM.

Speaker 14 They both have weak spots. And so I'm going to, I'm just thinking, you know, through this here,

Speaker 14 if they just saw Florida beat Alabama, that recency bias may kick in. And they go like, okay, well, we think Florida and Alabama are the best two of those three.
So they're in.

Speaker 1 So Ohio State would be out, you'd say.

Speaker 14 No, Ohio State would.

Speaker 1 So that's my point is if Florida beats Alabama. Oh, yeah.
No,

Speaker 14 you're right. Ohio State would be out in that scenario.

Speaker 1 Okay, so then that would be the death of the college college football playoff because it would be the ACC SEC invitational.

Speaker 14 Yes. Okay.
And if it winds up being that way, whether Ohio State, even if it's Northwestern winning in an upset and knocking Ohio State out,

Speaker 14 if it's an ACC-SEC invitational, we're going to see an 1-team playoff sooner rather than later.

Speaker 1 Okay, so maybe that's the only chaos I'm rooting for.

Speaker 3 So then that's, yeah, that's what we should be rooting for because I think everybody wants to get to eight eventually.

Speaker 1 I think, see, I disagree, Andy. I think they would go Alabama, Clemson, Notre Dame, and Ohio State.

Speaker 1 They would basically keep it that and it would be wrong because florida would have just beaten them and that's where it would sit wrong is that but it's kind of deserving at that point it's a it's a good win but lest we forget

Speaker 3 yeah last week the shoe i know the shoe you throwing losing losing to a team that you had no business losing to i mean that's got to matter too right so it's interesting because the point that you're bringing up it's like florida's best win would be over alabama but then that's also giving alabama credit for being like that's the best team, and they beat them.

Speaker 3 So, how can you say that Alabama shouldn't still be up there? Right.

Speaker 1 Because they're Florida's best win.

Speaker 14 And the best team at that point is going to be whoever wins Clemson and Notre Dame, probably.

Speaker 1 Right. At least in their case.

Speaker 3 But, okay, let's say, is there any possibility that the voters think to themselves, like, Florida, yes, they should have blown out LSU. They didn't.
They lost because some guy threw a shoe.

Speaker 3 Can we just, in our own minds, when it comes down to nut cutting time, if Florida beats Alabama, can they think, let's just pretend that that dude did not throw a shoe 20 yards down the field and pretend that that was a win?

Speaker 14 You know, they say that they take everything into account, like they take injuries into account. If they take shoe throwing into account, absolutely.
And who knows?

Speaker 14 Maybe some of them believe Dan Mullen. They believe it was a true football move.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 14 And I look, so I got my shoe right here. It's a size 13 Nike.
It's not a size 14 like Marco Wilson threw.

Speaker 14 But I mean, like if it was a right shoe, if I'm not mistaken, it fits very comfortably in the palm of your hand. Like it wants to be thrown.

Speaker 3 It does. When you get it in your hand like this.

Speaker 14 So I really think he was, maybe Dan Mullen was right. He was just acting on instinct.

Speaker 3 And I think you should be allowed to throw a shoe. I don't think that it should be against the rules to throw a shoe of a person you just tackled if the shoe comes off during the form of the tackle.

Speaker 14 What if you took the shoe off?

Speaker 1 Because it sort of was in the act of tackling that he pulled his shoe off.

Speaker 3 I think as he's tackling, you should be allowed to pull the shoe as you're tackling. After you hit the ground and the whistle blows, you can't take the shoe off at that point.

Speaker 3 But if it's off, it's anyone's shoe. It's whoever's first.

Speaker 14 So if there is an immediate recovery of the shoe, you're allowed to throw it as far as you want.

Speaker 3 Immediate, indisputable recovery of the shoe. You can do whatever.
You can put it anywhere you want. You can hide it.

Speaker 14 If you holding a shoe survives contact with the ground.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 14 Can you still throw it? Yes.

Speaker 3 Yes. It's your possession.
Absolutely. I don't know why you're not allowed to throw a shoe.
Honestly, no one's explained that to me yet.

Speaker 1 I'm supposed to wake up in the morning knowing

Speaker 1 that you can't throw a shoe.

Speaker 14 What if you need it for the next play? Yeah.

Speaker 3 That's part of the game.

Speaker 1 It's like throwing the ball out of bounds, you know, after a dunk and then kicking the ball after you dunk it in basketball. That's the problem.

Speaker 14 Or Florida fans, as they know, Brandon Spikes had the interception return for a touchdown where he punted it into the stands. Right.
I believe they threw a flag on that.

Speaker 3 Play the game. Easy solved.
The BCS, that the BCS, NCAA loves money. Have a shoe timeout.
And you play a quick 20-second commercial. You come back.

Speaker 3 Whatever shoe company sponsors that team.

Speaker 1 It has to happen after the brand of shoe that was thrown.

Speaker 3 And then 20 seconds later, you run the play. Everyone's happy.

Speaker 14 Think about what Nike missed out on, by the way, because of that fog in Gainesville. Can you imagine the shot of the shoe just arcing through the air with that swoosh?

Speaker 1 It would have been like

Speaker 14 the tournament, the Tiger one, where you saw the Nike swoosh on the ball as it fell into the cup.

Speaker 1 I mean, perfect.

Speaker 14 So you've you've been dabo and revell in this interview good job um oh god all right here you know my my dream is to box darren revelle by the way you know you should really want to box cheek paul i want to box revelle yes i think that we could do it for charity uh he could he could place a giant bet on it he could hedge that bet if he wants to but that that's my dream so darren if you're listening let's make this happen let's do it we can he always if you want to yeah he always is

Speaker 1 Yeah, someone sends it.

Speaker 3 Yeah, someone clips it up. Yeah.

Speaker 1 All right. Here's another one for college, for Championship Saturday.
Is there any score that Clemson can beat Notre Dame by that would keep Notre Dame out?

Speaker 14 I would think it would have to be like four touchdowns or more.

Speaker 1 And yeah, so I would say

Speaker 1 Notre Dame would have to basically score like seven points because it doesn't.

Speaker 14 Yeah, they'd have to look completely helpless. And I just, I don't think Notre Dame's built like that.

Speaker 14 I think you look at the way they beat Clemson the first time where they dominated both lines of scrimmage. They shut down Clemson's run game.
That's the sort of thing that travels.

Speaker 14 That's not, there was nothing fluky about the win the first time. So

Speaker 14 that would really shock me if that was the result.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 1 What is your favorite non-big game this weekend?

Speaker 14 Coastal Carolina, Louisiana. That game was unreal the first time.

Speaker 14 I'm going to put this out here. I know he's not a fullback, but Coastal Carolina center Sam Thompson, he's 5'9, 290.

Speaker 1 Yep.

Speaker 14 If he is not the epitome of the low man trophy, I don't know what is.

Speaker 1 Yeah, central.

Speaker 14 I want him considered for that award this year.

Speaker 3 Okay. You tell you what? We're doing the voting next week.
So we'll be in touch to get your final three. Then we'll have our short list at that point.

Speaker 1 Excellent.

Speaker 3 We'll narrow it down. But as I'm going to make an executive decision and say, yes, he can be.
Beautiful.

Speaker 3 Yes, I'm going to allow him into at least the short list for the low man trophy if he gets enough votes.

Speaker 1 Did you watch the Coastal Troy game? I hate Coastal Carolina now.

Speaker 1 They went from darlings of college football to I hate these guys because what they did by scoring in 35 seconds when they absolutely needed to?

Speaker 1 No, Andy, by faking injuries for the entire second half of the game. They did it literally on Troy's last drive.
You saw it.

Speaker 14 It was fairly blatant.

Speaker 1 It was very blatant. Yes.

Speaker 14 You got to do better than that.

Speaker 14 It's sort of like, wasn't it Cal a few years ago where you could actually see the assistant coach on the sideline?

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 14 Yeah, I'll get down. Get down.
I was almost like that. It was, it was,

Speaker 14 well, there was Landon Dickerson, the Alabama offensive lineman who flopped in the LSU game. Yep.
It was sort of on that level of flopping.

Speaker 1 Yes. And it was bad.
I just, I don't know. That bothered me because Troy was a live dog.
They were doing well. And I just can't, that's Bush League stuff.

Speaker 14 I will tell you, it bothered Coastal Carolina that they were playing Troy in the first place because Louisiana Lafayette was sitting at home resting up for that game.

Speaker 7 And,

Speaker 14 you know, the ACC is letting Clemson and Notre Dame chill. Meanwhile, here's Coastal Carolina carrying the flag for the dang league.
They're like, nah, you're going to Troy, Alabama.

Speaker 14 The place that used to be called Movie Gallery Stadium back when video stores were a thing.

Speaker 1 That's pretty good.

Speaker 1 I love the age of COVID for college football, these storylines where, like, Tulsa, for example, they're playing Cincinnati this weekend. Cincinnati's canceled on them twice.
How do you handicap that?

Speaker 1 Because they canceled on him homecoming and senior night.

Speaker 14 Right.

Speaker 1 So they got to be tested.

Speaker 14 They should, and yet they're two touchdown underdogs. So in Cincinnati thing, I mean, shouldn't Cincinnati be pissed? They started out as number seven in the first playoff ranking.

Speaker 14 It's like, oh, we're actually going to give a group of five team a shot. And then they don't play again.
They have not played since the Saturday before that first ranking.

Speaker 14 They beat UCF on that Saturday. They get ranked seventh.
And it's like, all right, we got a shot. And now they haven't played since.
They got to be furious. Yeah.

Speaker 14 Like, I would try to beat Tulsa by a thousand if I were them.

Speaker 3 Yes.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And Tulsa, I mean, Tulsa is one of those weird teams.
They never die. They've been in, I've watched all their games.
Oh.

Speaker 1 Every time you think they're dead, they come back from the dead and do something crazy.

Speaker 3 Andy, I got to talk to you about some SEC coaching carousel news. So the rock, the rock at the University of Tennessee in Knoxville.
The rock that said choose joy on it.

Speaker 3 It was painted on there on, I believe, December 13th. Choose Joy.
It was written on the side of the rock where it said

Speaker 3 fire prove it, save UT football.

Speaker 3 Hugh Freese tweeted to one of his friends on December 16th choose joy my friend is Hugh Freese sending illicit messages this time in the broad daylights on Twitter as opposed to with a burner phone I was gonna say that seems pretty explicit is uh is hugh freeze sending these messages indicating that he's gonna be the next coach at the University of Tennessee I think he'd like to be the next coach at the University of Tennessee.

Speaker 14 I think that's a job he's wanted for quite some time, probably since before he became a college coach, back when he was still a high school coach.

Speaker 14 So I think that is, if that opportunity came available, he would jump at it. The question is, is Tennessee going to fire Jeremy Pruitt?

Speaker 14 And, you know, this game's interesting, and it's such an emotional sport. You know, Tennessee doesn't have a ton to play for right now.
AM needs to score style points, I guess.

Speaker 14 I don't really know if it matters if AM scores style points or not, but they're probably going to try to.

Speaker 14 And so if that game goes the way it probably should go, the Tennessee fans are going to be like, look, we got to do something.

Speaker 7 And

Speaker 14 Hugh Freese can win there.

Speaker 14 He wanted Ole Miss. He beat Alabama twice at Ole Miss.
Hugh Freese can win at Tennessee. He can get good players.
He'll run an offense that will score a bunch of points.

Speaker 14 And that'll make Tennessee fans happy because they've been watching some pretty hapless offenses the last few years. So if they decided to make that move, it would get them what they want.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I mean, yeah, he would be a home run hire.
I know that there's no such thing as a home run hire because Jim Harbaugh was a home run hire. But Scott Frost, yeah, there's a lot of home run hires.

Speaker 1 I was thinking about this, Andy. We have, you see all these contracts, you see the buyouts.
Gus Malzahn's making, what, $21 million to basically go away, right?

Speaker 14 $10.7 million due January 12th.

Speaker 1 Crazy. Crazy.
I'm buying an island. So why hasn't a college football program done this?

Speaker 1 You see it with the incentives of you beat your rival, you get to the college football player, if you rank number one. Why don't they do the reverse?

Speaker 1 Why hasn't no team ever done that where they say, hey, Gus, if you lose to Alabama, that's $1 million off your buyout.

Speaker 1 If you don't get, if you're under $500, that's $2 million off your buyout. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 That seems like a no-brainer. to decrease these insane buyouts when all these teams end up holding the bag for a coach they don't want anymore.

Speaker 14 well here here's the problem is so

Speaker 14 you guys follow every sport so you follow baseball so you know like value over replacement player the the problem is most ads can't recognize when they have a replacement level coach or when they have a special coach they all think they have a special coach if that coach just won like two games so

Speaker 14 that's the issue Sometimes coaches have to, or ADs have to say,

Speaker 14 you go ahead and walk. They just tell the agent, look, I know your guy thinks he needs five years on his deal to recruit, but I don't want to give it to him.

Speaker 14 And if he'd like to go somewhere else, by all means, please go somewhere else and I will hire someone else.

Speaker 14 Your friend and mine, Dana Holgerson, ran into this situation at West Virginia. Shane Lyons, the AD, said, You know what? If you think you can get a better deal somewhere else, go for it.

Speaker 14 And he got a better deal at Houston and he left. And West Virginia hired Neil Brown.
And it seems like both parties are pretty happy with the way it all turned out.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 What about University of Texas? So the AD said Herman's our guy, he's coming back. That to me screams replacement level or replacement level coach.

Speaker 14 The most vague way of saying he's our guy. I mean,

Speaker 14 it was so vaguely worded. Like people had to call and say, you mean for 2021, not for like tomorrow.

Speaker 7 Right.

Speaker 14 And they said, yeah, for 2021,

Speaker 1 okay.

Speaker 14 But so here's the deal with Herman.

Speaker 14 If If you're going to hire a sitting head coach after you fire Tom Herman, all told, you're talking between $30 and $35 million.

Speaker 14 There is nobody that guarantees you're going to get what you want.

Speaker 14 The one person out there who can do that, this is actually Texas in a similar situation to AM when they fired Kevin Selman, where it was go get Jimbo Fisher or else.

Speaker 14 Go get somebody with a national title on his resume or else. And there was no plan B.

Speaker 14 Well, plan plan B for Texas is keep Tom Herman because if you can't get Urban Meyer, who seems like he's staying at Fox, then there is nobody who guarantees what you want.

Speaker 14 So, are you going to spend $35 million for someone who not only might not give you what you want, but might actually be a downgrade? Right. That's the issue they have.

Speaker 3 So,

Speaker 3 when he put that out there, that statement, that wasn't him like just testing the waters and sticking his finger in the air, being like, let's see what the boosters want.

Speaker 3 I'm going to be a little bit vague about this by Isha.

Speaker 1 Oh, he knows what they want.

Speaker 14 They have been very loud in what they want. They want someone who isn't Tom Herman.
But I think Chris Del Coni is clapping back at them and saying, okay,

Speaker 14 then who? Mario Cristobal is staying at Oregon. He just did his extension today.
The board approved it.

Speaker 14 Are you going to hire Matt Campbell from Iowa State? He might not even want the job. I mean, he's a Midwestern guy.
If Michigan were to open, he'd be a really strong candidate for that job.

Speaker 14 And also, he's never had to recruit in the four-star, five-star arena.

Speaker 14 That doesn't mean he can't, just means you don't know if he can or not. Right.
You know, you're going to go get James Franklin from Penn State. That's really expensive.
He had a bad year this year.

Speaker 14 It's, it's really hard to sell anything at this point because you, you just can't get somebody who guarantees what you want.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Matt Campbell, I love the idea of Matt Campbell maybe staying at Iowa State and becoming like the Bill Snyder of Iowa State.

Speaker 1 Is there any chance? So I have two more questions. One's a pick, but one is, is, I really want Luke Fickle to go to Michigan just because I feel like that would be hilarious.

Speaker 1 He's Ohio guy through and through, and it would be like, just that feels like it would give the rivalry some juice back.

Speaker 1 I think they're going to keep Harbaugh, which might be the right move, but is there any chance that Luke Fickle would ever become a Michigan man?

Speaker 14 That I don't know. It is the type of job I think he would take.
And I think he'd be really selective about what he'd do. But I'm not sure if he could do it.

Speaker 14 I'm not sure if because that, that maze in blue might burn his skin. Yeah.

Speaker 14 Like I envision that there's this, that he's got like a group text with Mike Grable and John Simon where they're just like, you're going to coach Michigan, dude. You're going to coach.

Speaker 1 And he's like, no, no, no, uh-uh, no.

Speaker 14 Buckeye, man. I'm a Buckeye.
I just can't, I can't picture it.

Speaker 1 That's what would make it great. All right.
Final question for me. Brought to you by Cross Country Mortgage America's Crazy Good Mortgage Company.

Speaker 1 Go to ccmlends.com slash take to learn more about your future home, buying experience, or refinancing needs, equal housing opportunity. Give us a pick that you like this weekend.
And also,

Speaker 1 will Alabama win by 30 plus?

Speaker 14 I do not think Alabama will win by 30 plus. I actually think

Speaker 14 you'll see a lot better game out of Florida than we saw last week.

Speaker 14 Now, I don't think Florida is going to win, but I think you saw Florida at its worst, not taking the game seriously. You will see them at their best taking the game seriously.

Speaker 14 I just don't don't know that they are talented enough to beat Alabama.

Speaker 14 I'm worried about Mashanta Clears here

Speaker 14 against the Raging Cajuns. Yep.
They went on the road and beat him, and that was tough. But Billy Napers is a hell of a coach.

Speaker 14 It's a three-point spread.

Speaker 14 It's at coastal. It's on the surf turf.
So that means that Vegas basically thinks they're even if they play at a neutral site. So

Speaker 14 I'm going to go with the Raging Cajuns on this one.

Speaker 1 Okay. I like that pick.
I like that pick.

Speaker 1 I think Coastal kind of won their Super Bowl against BYU, which was one of the games of the year.

Speaker 14 It was unbelievable. And I never, ever want to hear a college AD tell me that we need 10 years to schedule a game.

Speaker 1 It was awesome on the day.

Speaker 14 They scheduled that game on two days' notice. It was like, hey, y'all in Provo, you want to drive all the way across to Conway, South Carolina in your BYU semi and play a football game?

Speaker 1 And I'm like, sure, why not?

Speaker 14 I mean, it was straight up Blues Brothers Mission from God stuff. So, yeah, if you can do that, you can schedule a game nine months out.

Speaker 1 Well, now, in defense of the other side, BYU probably wouldn't want to do that again because they lost and they were 10-point favorites.

Speaker 15 Listen, the surf turf does things.

Speaker 3 It does.

Speaker 1 Wait, that's the problem.

Speaker 1 See you at the Turtle Beaches right there.

Speaker 3 See a magic eye poster that you happen to be playing football.

Speaker 1 But that's the problem, though. It takes two to tango.

Speaker 1 And I feel like there are so many, there's a million reasons why, like these big teams, and BYU is not one of the power five teams, will say no to something like that.

Speaker 14 See, I think Texas A ⁇ M, like Ross Bjork, the AD at Texas AM,

Speaker 14 because of this, you know, the view you have of the Aggies.

Speaker 14 I would be like, listen, Ohio State, Michigan, don't want to play you. Come on down to Kyle Field, or we'll come to Columbus.
Let's get this done.

Speaker 14 Last week, that's what should have happened. Now, would Ohio State accept that? No, because it wouldn't help them at all.

Speaker 14 But the challenge should be made and then everybody can make fun of them for ducking it. Yes.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Agree.
Although I do like the tweets that are like in 2042,

Speaker 3 like Texas Christian is going to be playing Oregon State. Yes.

Speaker 1 I love those.

Speaker 14 I really hope I'm not

Speaker 1 still working, though.

Speaker 3 It gives me comfort just to know that other people are planning on the world existing in 22 years. So maybe I should do the same.

Speaker 14 I feel like you got the right.

Speaker 14 right outlook kft i don't think you should look past well i don't know like six days from now yeah that's that's a good point.

Speaker 1 All right, well, thank you, Andy. We're rooting against chaos, even though if there is chaos, we'll enjoy it.

Speaker 3 A little bit of chaos, as long as A ⁇ M doesn't benefit from the chaos. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I just don't, I don't want to see A ⁇ M get killed by Alabama.
Like, that just doesn't appeal to me whatsoever. Yeah.

Speaker 14 Unfortunately, my whole flip three and four, there's no way you can justify doing that if AM's force.

Speaker 1 Right. Right.

Speaker 3 I just don't want to see like a dude perfect hype video for the for the playoff system. It's going to be just salt my wound.

Speaker 1 Yes, yes.

Speaker 1 All right. Well, everyone, check out Andy's podcast, Andy Staple and Friends, and you can find him on Twitter on The Athletic.
Thank you, Andy. We appreciate it, man.

Speaker 14 Thank you, gentlemen.

Speaker 3 Thanks, Andy.

Speaker 1 Okay, before we get to Tiffany Thiessen, a quick word from our friends.

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Speaker 1 All right, here she is, Tiffany Thiessen. And now for something completely different.

Speaker 1 Okay, we now welcome on a very, very, very special guest.

Speaker 1 I got Gorge Aries. Yes, very.

Speaker 1 Tiffany Amber Thiessen.

Speaker 1 She has a new show out called Deliciousness on MTV. We're going to run this the week that it comes out.

Speaker 1 Very excited for the show. Let's talk about the show.
We have a bunch of different questions just for background. PFT and I are both 35 years old, so you can do the math.

Speaker 1 Say by the bell was very important to our childhood.

Speaker 1 But I want to talk about deliciousness because food is more important to me at this point in my life uh what i can tell i can tell you've grown up because it's more important to me too yes yes exactly your priorities shift uh so deliciousness you well you're a foodie to begin with you you've hosted food shows do you have a cookbook as well i do i have a cookbook that came out a few years ago i had a show that was on um on cooking channel and food network for a few years called dinner at tiffany's and now i've got this so what can we expect from deliciousness because i i read it I watched the trailer.

Speaker 1 It's going to be like Rob Deerdeck's ridiculousness. I want to get on it.
I want to find a way to get on it.

Speaker 13 So, it is technically literally a spin-off of ridiculousness, which is exactly why I was sold on it because my husband is a massive fan of ridiculousness.

Speaker 13 So, he's like, if you don't do this show, we're going to have a problem.

Speaker 13 So, I signed up right away. I was totally in for it.
The fact that it is all food related for me made it like perfect for myself. And I have never laughed so much much on a job ever.

Speaker 13 Um, I'm surrounded by really funny people. Um, we have we have a blast watching people do really stupid things, whether it's at a restaurant in their own kitchen or just drinking way too damn much.

Speaker 1 Uh-huh. Yep.

Speaker 3 So, I like the idea that a lot of cooking mishaps, I imagine, like around Thanksgiving, you'll get a lot of deep-fried turkeys being dropped in completely frozen.

Speaker 3 That's always funny to me for some reason. Like, even though it's a guy basically setting off a bomb in his backyard, I always laugh when I see a turkey mishap.

Speaker 13 I laugh at anybody failing because it makes me feel more normal, right? Because we all fail sometimes.

Speaker 13 And I feel like even now this year with the pandemic and people at home, I think people are more at home cooking that don't normally cook.

Speaker 13 And I can't imagine the amount of videos that we're going to get for next season just because everybody's home doing stuff that they don't normally do in the kitchen.

Speaker 1 Yes, yes.

Speaker 1 I'm very excited for this show.

Speaker 1 So your career, looking at the whole thing, have you had a moment where you've looked back and been like, because, you know, we know the history of child stars.

Speaker 1 You were a little bit more than a child star, but sometimes it doesn't go well.

Speaker 1 It feels like you've had a great rest of your career. And also like a normal, you know, Tiffany Amber Thiessen is a normal mom, wife.
Tiffany Thiessen. Yes.
Milamberg. Thiessen.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Is a mom, wife, all these things.

Speaker 1 Have you looked back and been like, wow. Credit to me for being able to navigate that because the numbers were stacked against me.

Speaker 13 You know, I don't know if i technically do that but i definitely feel very blessed that i've been able to continue working um i i mean i say that because that in itself the fact that i've still been able to work and make a living at what i've been loving doing in my career my whole life um that that is huge for me um you know i come from a very you know normal sort of family in my terms.

Speaker 13 Like, you know, my parents are still married and I married a pretty normal guy from Texas. And, you know, like, but again, what does normal mean, right?

Speaker 13 Like, I don't even know what that means really except that I just try to like live a fun filled fun easy life and and and I've been I've been very fortunate and and knocked on wood it's it hasn't all been perfect I mean of course I've had my

Speaker 13 my jobs that didn't go my way or I've had jobs that I wanted really bad that I didn't get. I mean, it's just, that's life, though, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Why did you decide to drop Amber from the name?

Speaker 3 Was that like a conscious decision where you wanted to start getting a different role or you wanted to lose any sort of association with the work that you've done in the past?

Speaker 13 It's funny. It had nothing to do with me personally.

Speaker 13 I'd always gone by all in that full name since I was little. But my agent at the time, when I was transitioning from

Speaker 13 Say by the Bell, and I had just gotten into 90210, and it was right at the during that time, she felt like it would just be smart of me to drop the amber and just go by Tiffany Thiessen.

Speaker 13 So I went what she said, and that's what I did. And my husband actually makes the joke all the time that he's taken it.
So he's actually Brady.

Speaker 1 Smart.

Speaker 3 I read that, I was catching up on some of your later career here. You were in a Hallmark mini-series called Pandemic,

Speaker 3 where you defeated the Riptide virus in Australia.

Speaker 1 How funny is that?

Speaker 3 Yeah. Do you have any, first of all, where were you? Have you eaten any bats recently? And then follow-up question,

Speaker 3 did you learn anything from doing that movie where you're looking at Today in America and you're like, we could really learn from my character in 2006?

Speaker 13 No, sadly, I did not learn anything, but I did go back and look at those pictures, which was really funny and figured, hey, if I had that costume, it would be such a great Halloween costume this year.

Speaker 13 You know, but

Speaker 13 when I shot that mostly here in Los Angeles, weirdly enough. I remember it had French Stewart was my partner in crime in that movie.
Great guy, funny, funny guy.

Speaker 1 Love him.

Speaker 13 And Faye Dunaway was in the movie. How crazy is that?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You saw into the future.

Speaker 3 The Riptide virus.

Speaker 1 I feel like that.

Speaker 13 Everybody's been watching those old. What was the other one called Breakout? Was that

Speaker 14 outbreak? That's it.

Speaker 3 Yeah, the monkey. They had to bomb the city in California.

Speaker 13 They were watching all these crazy movies.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 3 I think that if they called the coronavirus something more scary, like the Riptide virus, and had a person with an Australian accent talk about it, we'd take it more seriously.

Speaker 3 Like, coronavirus, that sounds good.

Speaker 13 The publicity of COVID is not as good as if it had a a better name.

Speaker 3 It needs to have a name like we're going to fucking kill everybody on the planet type virus. Yeah.
And I think people would take, really pay attention to it.

Speaker 1 Please be careful.

Speaker 13 People actually start wearing a mask.

Speaker 1 Yes, yes.

Speaker 1 This is kind of a weird question, but was it like, did you consciously know at a certain point in time in the 90s that like, I don't know, 95%

Speaker 1 of young boys had a crush on you? Like, more than a crush, like, you are the center of our lives? Yeah. Not weird.
Not weird, right?

Speaker 13 No, I mean, you know, not

Speaker 13 weird now.

Speaker 1 I mean, I guess it's part of my

Speaker 13 sort of past. And I don't think I really realized it during it.

Speaker 13 It wasn't until, and I do remember, it wasn't until Mark Paul and I, who played Zach, would actually, they started getting us to travel around the country.

Speaker 13 And then we actually ended up going to Europe to do like those mall signings, like, you know, like what New Kids on the Block was basically doing at the time. Yeah.

Speaker 13 Um, and so we were doing these mall signings. And I think it wasn't until then that I realized the impact of the show itself

Speaker 13 because I would see how girls were with him,

Speaker 13 and then I would see how boys were with me. And that was really kind of the turning point of like,

Speaker 13 oh, this is kind of weird. This is kind of crazy, you know.
And then the fan mouth started getting a little creepier.

Speaker 1 And you know, sorry about that. I probably sent some.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 My bad. Can I have my shoes back?

Speaker 1 Exactly.

Speaker 13 And then like, I also remember like, then transitioning into 90210 and then playing a role that wasn't as like sweet. And I remember like, again, sort of that next sort of

Speaker 13 sort of wave of different sort of fans that have kind of grown up with me, but also older ones.

Speaker 13 And then I remember like that sort of conversation that I remember people are like, Howard Stern's talking about you. And And I'm like, huh?

Speaker 13 You know, like, it's definitely evolved, you know, into different sort of ways in my career, you know, depending on what I was doing.

Speaker 1 I also think that, and this is just a theory based on just my own brain, but the name Kelly Kapowski was a hot name.

Speaker 1 And then when you find out that the actress is Tiffany Amber Thiessen, you're like, wait, that's even a hotter name. What?

Speaker 1 Like, I remember being like, my name was that hot.

Speaker 13 Maybe just because, just because it was hyphenated, you think

Speaker 1 tiffany and amber it was just like oh my god this is crazy like this is the hottest name ever so i think that also got people like because usually like if your name was ruth or dorothy people like ah yeah okay kella kapowski's hot but you know dorothy whatever dorothy thiessen who cares tiffany amber that was hot like that was big time hot

Speaker 1 Well, thank you. Sorry to be creepy.
I will tell my mother.

Speaker 13 I just had to tell my daughter to get out of the room.

Speaker 13 I will tell my mother that you approve.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 3 Good. Do you ever run into people who are like, who expect you to be married to Zach in real life?

Speaker 13 Yes. And that's so funny to me.
Like my, this is a funny story.

Speaker 13 So when my, my, when I got engaged to my husband and we then got married, my father-in-law, right, had hats made for the entire party of like, he's from Texas, right? He's from Houston.

Speaker 13 And the entire party, because he had read an article saying, who the hell is Brady Smith? She should be marrying Zach Morris, right?

Speaker 13 So he had actually hats made for all his dude friends that are in the wedding that said, who the hell is Brady Smith for our wedding because of that very thing that people were like, why isn't she marrying Zach Morris?

Speaker 13 The funny thing is, though, Mark Paul and my husband have like this sort of romance going

Speaker 13 that superexceeds any sort of relationship that I had with Mark Paul being like, truly, he's like a brother to me, but but like, they love each other so much, it's kind of scary.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Well, I would probably like, you know, like, if I had a chance to be friends with Zach Morris, it'd be like, I'm a Mario Lee.

Speaker 3 I'm a Mario Lopez guy. Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 You're a Mario Lopez kind of guy. I'd be like, get out of here.
I can tell by the hair.

Speaker 1 I can tell by the hair. Yeah.
Is it weird knowing that like you grew up on TV, you know, even past Save by the Bell, but like, is it, do you watch yourself back? Do you ever, are you able to do that?

Speaker 13 I mean, of course I'm able to do it. Do I want to? Hell no.

Speaker 1 So you're not able, like, I wouldn't be able to do that.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 13 I have other things in my time that I would much rather do than watch old episodes of Save by the Bell.

Speaker 1 So have your kids done it yet? Like, have your kids started to watch it? And you're like, uh-oh, here we go. Yeah.

Speaker 13 Not my youngest, of course. He's only five, but my daughter has watched just like a few episodes of the first of the first season.

Speaker 13 And I have to be honest,

Speaker 13 it didn't pique her interest. I mean, she laughed because she saw me at her, kind of like a little bit older than her, but

Speaker 13 I don't think it's the TV that they would want to watch right now. I mean, the stuff that they get on Netflix is much more engaging than the shit that that was.

Speaker 13 You know, like you think about it, that show would not stand up today. I don't think so.

Speaker 3 I think the speed episode with Jesse would still stand up. That to me, the episode where she got hooked on trucker pills, that's one of the top three television episodes.

Speaker 1 Kids with Adderall today. That literally is

Speaker 1 looking into the team.

Speaker 3 I'm so frightened. I'm so excited.
I'm so excited.

Speaker 1 I'm so excited. I'm so scared.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 I mean, goosebumps. You talk about goosebumps.
Yes.

Speaker 1 What is your favorite thing to cook?

Speaker 13 Oh, gosh. I don't know if there's a favorite.
I mean, I get requests all the time. I feel like I'm an actual, you know, chef at a restaurant with my family half the time.

Speaker 13 This is what they want this night. This is what they want that night.
I'm like a short order cook. But,

Speaker 13 you know, pizzas definitely want homemade pizzas are always on the list for my kids. My husband, again, from Texas, he always wants some sort of meat smoked on the smoker.

Speaker 13 You know, he's got a, you know, he's always wanting something, something that, that, that way. Um, I'm trying to think of what else, like enchiladas, like that's a, that's a big one.

Speaker 13 That's always on the list.

Speaker 1 Um, you need a famous dish. So that's what you need.

Speaker 13 I need a famous dish.

Speaker 1 Well, you just need to say it's your famous dish, and everyone will be like, oh my God, yeah. Tiffany, you haven't had Tiffany's famous dish? Tiffany's tacos.
And

Speaker 13 that pinpoints me to only cook one thing.

Speaker 1 I cook things. I'm multi-talented.
But when you say it's a famous dish and then everyone eats it, they have to like it. Like you were basically incepting them.

Speaker 1 Like if if you do another cookbook, throw in a famous dish. Just a little tip.
Okay. How about this?

Speaker 3 How about Tiffany Amber Venison?

Speaker 1 Ooh.

Speaker 3 And then you just cut a whole shitload of dishes.

Speaker 13 I don't know if I'd want to eat that.

Speaker 3 What have you done that would get you on your own show?

Speaker 1 Ooh.

Speaker 1 What you mean? Get me on my own show.

Speaker 3 Like in deliciousness, what have you done in the kitchen?

Speaker 3 You thought I was saying, like, who do you think you are?

Speaker 3 No.

Speaker 1 What have you done? No, no, no. I understand the question.

Speaker 13 Sorry, I didn't understand it.

Speaker 13 I mean, I've had my food fails for sure. I've had a couple of times that I've had a little too much bourbon, you know, at a sushi tasting that I remember my husband having to rip my pants off of me

Speaker 1 because I didn't know where I was. Thank God I was with my husband.

Speaker 13 But

Speaker 13 I mean, there's quite a few. Thankfully, none of them were on video.
I mean, I've set fire to a dish before.

Speaker 13 Thankfully, I kept my eyebrows.

Speaker 13 There's been a time where nothing in my kitchen was working, so I had to use my neighbor's kitchen for Thanksgiving. I mean, I have millions of stories.
Where do you want to go?

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 You should have Salt Bay on the show.

Speaker 1 Remember him? That guy that would just walk out and do the spring.

Speaker 3 Oh, it's canceled?

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Are you looking out for...

Speaker 13 Yeah, there is a theory to that. You guys do know there's a reason why he does that, right?

Speaker 1 Because it looks awesome. Yeah, he just wants to.

Speaker 13 Not because it just looks awesome.

Speaker 13 if you actually salt your stuff too close your salt and pepper tend to only go in that one specific direction if you go up higher it actually falls so it actually seasons your meat much more evenly I thought it was just a show-off and it looks cool yeah it's an added bonus I thought he was just

Speaker 3 he may have liked it a little bit more for show but it actually there is a reason for it he opened up a restaurant here in New York and we have you know obviously like world-class restaurants including great barbecue here but the one place that I really want to go is the salt base restaurant and just have him walk out just to like sprint.

Speaker 3 He can sprinkle salt on an empty plate for me. Give me a bill for $500 and I'll leave happy.

Speaker 13 And you would take it?

Speaker 3 Yeah, I'd absolutely take it.

Speaker 13 I'm starting to understand more and more about you during this interview.

Speaker 1 Yeah, big weird. Yes.

Speaker 1 You also, so just a tip, because we live online, you need to be ready for fakes. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You need to be ready for fakes for people who are trying to fake you guys out because that's going to start happening. Yeah.

Speaker 13 Well, here's the thing. There's a disclaimer that happens on the show because I have to do the VO for it every single time that says you cannot actually put, you can't actually submit videos.

Speaker 13 You're not allowed to. We have to find them.
So I think they're pretty legit about the videos that they find.

Speaker 1 Okay, we should actually put Billy trying to cook a steak out there. He just out there.

Speaker 3 He pours beer on everything.

Speaker 1 Yeah, our interns the worst cook ever. So really? Yeah.
Oh,

Speaker 13 I got to help him out.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's really, really bad. So we'll, we'll.

Speaker 3 He likes to let the meat talk. So what that means is he doesn't season anything.
He doesn't believe in salt He just he rinses his meat before he cooks

Speaker 1 No wife

Speaker 3 He's got a couple chickens and some frogs that we won't discuss Yeah, he lives in a barn if he wants to change that He should learn how to cook good tip.

Speaker 3 We can definitely very easily get Billy on deliciousness great tip

Speaker 1 I'm gonna read a quote for you. Can you tell me if it's creepy or not?

Speaker 1 This was written by I don't know like 32-year-old man.

Speaker 1 He said, America.

Speaker 13 Are these all recent?

Speaker 1 This is somewhat recent, like a year old, maybe?

Speaker 1 Okay. All right.
He wrote,

Speaker 1 America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It has been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt and erased again.
It reminds us

Speaker 1 of us of all that once was good and could be good again. Kelly Kapowski did just that.
Some things are bigger than sports, and your first crush will always be on that list.

Speaker 13 I think it ends sweet.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 13 I'm a little, at first, I'm a little like, where is he going? And then he ends very sweetly. So I'm going to say he's okay.

Speaker 3 What was the part about tanks rolling across the page?

Speaker 1 I don't know. He also, so this same writer who's a co-worker of ours,

Speaker 1 actually,

Speaker 1 in maybe the greatest written series of all time, he ranked all the saved by the Bell episodes corresponding to their tears and steakhouses.

Speaker 1 Oh, really? Yes.

Speaker 1 So like you take an episode, and then you're like, like that's the outback steakhouse episode and then you take it and it's peter luger's so maybe that's a perfect we need to maybe have that break down that could be on deliciousness yeah that's interesting so he takes every episode and relates them to an actual meat sort of it's a yes it's a very confusing ranking system very confusing i'm i'm utterly confused as you can see yeah because then

Speaker 3 again like the steakhouses those are subjective too right so one person might be like i love outback Right. And I hate Ruth's Chris, but he put the Outback episode in the amphetamine one.

Speaker 1 Mm-hmm.

Speaker 3 Yeah, that's very confusing.

Speaker 1 It's very tough to do.

Speaker 1 I had one last question for you. So everyone should go watch Deliciousness.

Speaker 1 Tiffany Thiessen is an American legend. I love you for life.
Not in a creepy way. Sorry about that if that was creepy.
But I love you for life.

Speaker 1 Is it true that Mr. Belding once sat on his balls and you guys had to stop production?

Speaker 1 God.

Speaker 13 don't. That's my husband laughing, by the way.

Speaker 13 You got him to laugh.

Speaker 1 I don't.

Speaker 13 I've never heard this story.

Speaker 1 I don't know this on the internet.

Speaker 13 No, maybe it was the day that I wasn't shooting my scenes.

Speaker 3 I hate to do this.

Speaker 3 I hate to ruin the surprise, but it was Mr. Belvedere.

Speaker 1 Oh, it was? Not Mr. Belvedere.
Yeah, Mr. Belvedere.
All right, so did Mr. Belvedere state? Do you know anything about Mr.
Belvedere?

Speaker 13 I was a guy that was balding.

Speaker 1 Okay, I got it. I thought it was Mr.
Belving.

Speaker 3 Have you, just like running in Hollywood circles, going to all these A-listed parties, have you heard? I heard that question. That Mr.
Belvedere sat on his balls and they had to suspend table.

Speaker 13 No, but I do hear that's what happens with you men as you get older, is your balls start to sag. Yes.

Speaker 13 Is that easy to do?

Speaker 1 I sit on my balls three times a day. We have to tell me.
Oh, man. That's all right.
So I was wrong, but I, for some reason, that was a Berenstein Bears thing. Why did I think it was Mr.
Belvedere?

Speaker 1 Belvedere Belding, it's easy to do. It is very similar.
Very similar.

Speaker 13 It was also during the same time. Those shows were both.

Speaker 1 Yes. but around the same time.

Speaker 3 Now you've got a great anecdote if you ever meet Mr. Belvedere.

Speaker 1 Well, and we also got a definitive answer.

Speaker 1 I don't know if he's still around 20.

Speaker 13 That's actually something to look up on.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but we have a definitive answer that Mr. Belding never sat on his balls, stopping production of Save by the Belt.

Speaker 13 Now, I'm not saying that he's never sat on his balls.

Speaker 1 I'm just saying I hope that.

Speaker 1 Mr. Belvedere,

Speaker 1 he's definitely got to be dead. I hope.

Speaker 1 What is his name? What was his name? Belvedere? I think it was just Mr.

Speaker 3 Belvedere, I think it was a true story.

Speaker 1 Is it Belvedere?

Speaker 1 It's hilarious. What the hell was Mr.
Belvedere's name?

Speaker 1 We're trying to find it out. Mr.
Belvedere. IMDB.
You can usually figure it out. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Mr. Skin.

Speaker 1 Mr. Belvedere.
Oh, here. When did Mr.
Belvedere die?

Speaker 1 2001.

Speaker 1 Been dead for a really long time.

Speaker 13 I didn't think he was still around.

Speaker 1 Yeah, August 2001.

Speaker 1 Actually, not a bad time to leave. A lot of shit went bad after that.
That's true. Yeah.
Kind of a good time to bounce out. Yeah.
All right, Mr. Belvedere, legend to the end.

Speaker 1 All right. Well, I'm excited for the show.
This has been a thrill.

Speaker 1 If I could go back and talk to like 10-year-old self, he'd be like, what the hell did you just do? So, again, not creepy. I wish you had, like, just a tip.

Speaker 1 Like, next time, tell us your husband's in the room because he's kind of like, he's kind of cockblocking us here.

Speaker 13 Well, no, I know he's cockblocking you.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry.

Speaker 13 It actually protects his total fans. And so he's actually more interested in just listening and laughing with you guys than he is checking up on me, I promise.

Speaker 1 Okay, awesome. All right.
Well, tell him what's up and we could chill sometime.

Speaker 3 Yeah, tell him, was it who the hell?

Speaker 1 Yo, what's up?

Speaker 3 Who the hell is Brady Smith? What's up?

Speaker 1 There's Brady Smith. Dude.

Speaker 1 What's up? Your wife is cool.

Speaker 3 Are you wearing a shirt with your wife's face on it?

Speaker 1 Yeah, you are. That's a simp move.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 I can't believe you married that simp move.

Speaker 1 I would never simp that hard.

Speaker 13 He's always trying to wow me. No, this is what's so funny.
So I just did an interview for Entertainment Tonight, and they had him interview me because of, you know, COVID and all this kind of stuff.

Speaker 13 And this is what he walks out wearing. I'm like,

Speaker 1 yeah, I love it. I love it.

Speaker 14 Instagram purchase. You can find this.

Speaker 1 I love it.

Speaker 3 That's got to be convenient though.

Speaker 3 That's got to be super convenient for you to be married to somebody that has their own merch out there. So you can just go out and buy that anywhere online.

Speaker 13 Normally, yes, but he actually had this made.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 14 You can put anybody's face on it.

Speaker 1 Yeah. That's what's about it.

Speaker 9 You can just, you know, they just Photoshop a face on there.

Speaker 14 Yeah.

Speaker 13 So next interview, I'll have your faces on a t-shirt.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I was going to say, pretty presumptuous of you to think I don't own that shirt already.

Speaker 1 Come on, dude.

Speaker 3 I think you've probably still got a t-shirt with my face on it in your pile.

Speaker 3 You may have donated it to me.

Speaker 1 Goodwill.

Speaker 3 There you go. 40 years ago.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 10 Well, thank you guys.

Speaker 1 Appreciate it so much, and good luck with the new show. Of course.

Speaker 13 Thanks for having me. It was fun.
All right. Thank you.

Speaker 1 See ya.

Speaker 13 Nice break in the normal, boring interviews today.

Speaker 1 There we go. That's your favorite thing to hear.
Wait, who else keep it listening? Who else has interviewed you?

Speaker 3 We'll delete any of the names that you send.

Speaker 1 I won't tell you who's interviewed me.

Speaker 13 You do know about E.T., but that's it.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 yes. Okay.
All right. Thanks so much.
See ya.

Speaker 15 Thanks, guys.

Speaker 3 Tiffany Thiessen was brought to you by our great friends at hey, what's going on there, pal? We saw you at the hockey game on. Do I know you guys?

Speaker 1 I'm Ryan Whitney. I got a drink named after me.
Not a big deal. Pink Whitney?

Speaker 1 That's what I thought. See you, fellas.
I invented the thing, you pigeon. Pink Whitney for legendary moments.

Speaker 1 Okay, let's wrap up. We got Fire Fest of the week.
Billy killed his chickens.

Speaker 10 I didn't kill my fucking chicken, bro.

Speaker 10 That's not even funny. That's not funny, dude.

Speaker 1 Pink, what uh

Speaker 3 we saw I saw a headless chicken inside of the box.

Speaker 10 And basically a raccoon got into my chicken.

Speaker 3 How do you know what it was if you weren't?

Speaker 1 Because raccoons happened.

Speaker 10 Because raccoons rip the heads off chickens and then like leave the bodies.

Speaker 1 That's like kind of like Jay Cutler. That's why I knew what happened to Jay Cutler.
So you basically left your chicken out to get eaten by a raccoon

Speaker 1 so that you could be like, hey, guys, remember that Jay Cutler saw it?

Speaker 3 No, so he could be like, this is, if I did this to a chicken,

Speaker 3 imagine what I could do to Jay Connect.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 10 I killed my chicken for.

Speaker 3 Yeah, you saw that Jay Clinton Paul is a master troll and he only followed Conor McGregor's wife and your chicken on Instagram. And you're like, I'll one-up you, bro.

Speaker 10 No, but I definitely am going to be looking for whatever killed this chicken. It might be like, it could be a Fisher cat.

Speaker 1 This is like when OJ wrote the book, like, if, you know, if I did it. If I did it.
If I was going to. Guess what? You can find the chicken killer by looking in the mirror.

Speaker 1 Anyway. She's looking right.
Kill that chicken for everyone at home.

Speaker 10 Like, that's fucked up. Like, I'm not, like, hopefully people don't think I'm actually.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, that's right. You should be that.
But the show would never do that.

Speaker 3 But the bat. Okay, that's different.

Speaker 10 Wait, but also, let's not talk about that because that's highly illegal.

Speaker 1 What? You have bats?

Speaker 10 Killing bats is extremely illegal.

Speaker 3 After what they did with.

Speaker 3 I feel like you should be encouraged to kill bats.

Speaker 10 No, they're endangered.

Speaker 1 Flies like dies. They're really good for the insect population.

Speaker 10 Okay. Like to keep it down.
So like no mosquito bites.

Speaker 1 Well you can't get mosquito bites if you're locked down because of pandemic, which also was the bats. That's true.
Extra levels bats.

Speaker 7 What about the trash panda?

Speaker 10 I mean, I'm going to... I think in New York State, you can.

Speaker 1 You can kill raccoons?

Speaker 10 No, you don't have to kill raccoons. You can just have a heart trap them and move them.
But in some states, you actually have to kill them if you catch them.

Speaker 1 Anyway, a chicken got killed. i'm also still chicken hooking that's an excellent use of the passive

Speaker 1 actually looking for knives out too a chicken has been murdered i will

Speaker 10 what you know what there's probably footprints in the snow because he killed

Speaker 1 that's where jesus is carrying the dead chicken away oh that's weird billy you're wearing cowboy boots today because it's you're now wearing your regular shoes

Speaker 1 huh This is the first time I haven't seen you wearing those shoes that probably have the footprints in the snow to the chicken.

Speaker 10 I didn't kill my chicken. I didn't kill my chicken.

Speaker 1 That's weird that you choose today of all days because it's different. Snow wears a foot of snow.

Speaker 6 Do you have a BB gun? A foot of snow.

Speaker 3 What? Do you have a BB gun?

Speaker 10 I have a pellet gun.

Speaker 3 What's the difference between a pellet gun and a BB gun?

Speaker 10 The shape of the pellets.

Speaker 1 Please tell me you just at least shot the chicken before you decapitated it.

Speaker 10 No, I didn't kill the chicken.

Speaker 1 Did you eat the chicken? That's humane.

Speaker 10 Anyway, I'm definitely going to be getting it.

Speaker 3 Or did the chicken die in vain?

Speaker 10 I'm going to find the raccoons.

Speaker 1 It's going to kill the chicken. Is it true the chicken runs with its head cut off? I don't know.
I wasn't there.

Speaker 3 Was its head next to its?

Speaker 1 Well, I'm going to be honest. I found the head in a different place than the body.
Oh. Okay.
The head was next to the chicken because the body was halfway across the.

Speaker 6 Yeah. Wouldn't your chicken

Speaker 3 want for you to have eaten it after it died for gains?

Speaker 10 I actually, the chicken body is frozen solid, and I left it outside so that whatever did it comes back for it.

Speaker 3 So I can see what you're doing.

Speaker 1 You will go home tonight.

Speaker 10 And I will try to find footprints.

Speaker 1 No, that will be whatever did it coming back for it. Oh.

Speaker 10 Anyway, I didn't kill my chicken. Like, that's fucked up.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's fucked up. All right, Firefox.

Speaker 3 Did you suggest that's fucked up?

Speaker 1 I didn't suggest that. Like, other people did.
I'm just reading the internet.

Speaker 10 It actually happened. Like, I didn't stage a chicken.

Speaker 1 What actually happened? You killed it? No, like, the chicken.

Speaker 1 I didn't kill the chicken. Okay.

Speaker 3 You go. It's funny how you put up way more of a fight to accusations that you killed your chicken as opposed to the ones that you fingered your frog.

Speaker 1 Right, but like no one believed your frog. So which one?

Speaker 3 The first one that's the one. It's got to be one or the other.
What?

Speaker 1 I fingered my frog. Yep.

Speaker 1 Okay. Okay.
So you didn't kill your chicken. Nope.
There we go.

Speaker 3 See? Frog fucker.

Speaker 10 Yeah, but no one would believe that.

Speaker 1 You just admitted to it. Anyway.
In this crazy world. I'd love to have Billy be interrogated for real.

Speaker 10 In this crazy world of the internet,

Speaker 10 people actually might think that someone would do it.

Speaker 1 Which is fucking good.

Speaker 3 I can see Billy admitting to a murder after a solid

Speaker 1 hour and a half of

Speaker 1 45 minutes of what I get. Yeah.

Speaker 3 A vanilla milk and

Speaker 3 just give me a dumbbell.

Speaker 1 Yeah. All right.
Yeah, you know what, guys? You've been nice to me.

Speaker 3 I'll tell you everything.

Speaker 1 You guys seem cool. All right, Hank, you didn't kill your chicken.
I agree. Thank you.
Hank, Firefest.

Speaker 7 Yesterday, I was on the train on the way into work. On Wednesdays, we come in early.

Speaker 7 As you guys know, I'm not a morning person per se. I was zone.
I was putting it lightly. I was on the train and I was.

Speaker 3 I would love to know what you think the words per se mean.

Speaker 1 Per se? No, I'm thinking.

Speaker 7 I'm thinking, what do I think the word per se means?

Speaker 1 You know, I think the way that I say that.

Speaker 7 It means like as a person, as other people say.

Speaker 1 Per se.

Speaker 3 Per se. I like it.

Speaker 3 As one says.

Speaker 1 What does it mean, Mr.

Speaker 3 Fucking grammar teacher? I'm just saying, that's actually a great definition. And if you're a single person,

Speaker 9 you want you to single out a particular element of a bigger thing. So you might say, the song per se wasn't a bad choice.
It was your singing voice that was atrocious.

Speaker 1 Wait, so he is a cruise by itself. It's not essay why he's flat, right? He is a cruise.

Speaker 1 It was good. Yeah, it it was fine.
It was fine.

Speaker 3 It's S-A-E.

Speaker 1 You're not a morning person per se. There are other morning people out there.
You're not one of them.

Speaker 7 Not at all. Anyway, I was on the train.
I sounded like Billy there with anyway.

Speaker 1 Anyway, legitimately.

Speaker 7 Legit. I was on the train, and

Speaker 7 anyway,

Speaker 7 I

Speaker 7 was zoning out, listening to music. My train had stopped.
I didn't realize it until it was stopped for 15 minutes. And I looked up.
I was like, oh, I must be at my stop soon.

Speaker 7 Realized it had been stopped for a long time.

Speaker 1 Took my headphones out.

Speaker 7 And then it was like, oh, you know, we'll be delayed. We should be getting on shortly.
And so at this point, I was like, probably like five or 10 minutes away from being late.

Speaker 7 But I was like, they said it'll be shortly. Waited another 10 minutes.
And then it was still like, yeah, we're delayed. We should be going shortly.
Waited another 10 minutes.

Speaker 7 And then I realized that we were just stuck. And I had to get out, get a cab.
I was late. It was an issue.

Speaker 7 And I was just zoned out.

Speaker 3 So the good rule of thumb in New York is if you see anybody doing something on public transportation, you follow that. You follow everybody else.

Speaker 3 Because I've done that where I'm like, I'm smarter than everyone. I'm going to stay in this train because it's bound to get going real soon.

Speaker 3 And then I end up looking like a jackass as everybody gets on a better, faster train. Yep.
So just go with the flow. Be a limbing.

Speaker 7 Well, that was the thing. I was zoned out.
I just wasn't. I was looking at my phone.
I looked up and everyone was gone.

Speaker 1 I was like, oh.

Speaker 3 What were you listening to?

Speaker 1 I was listening to music.

Speaker 3 Caller Daddy, probably.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 3 I don't listen to podcasts. Tough to stand up wearing sweatpants if you're listening to Caller Daddy.

Speaker 1 Catch my drink. What's clock? All right.

Speaker 3 PFT, your Fire fire fest uh billy just got it my fire fest is my back hurts um i fucked up my back i woke up on wednesday morning and couldn't really stand up couldn't really move uh it's a sign when you once you turn like

Speaker 1 i did first hurt my back when i was 27.

Speaker 3 once you turn 27 it just your body goes to shit so i couldn't stand up i couldn't move um the only way that is really comfortable right now is laying down on my stomach on the floor so that's not fun that's how i've been spending my nights it's not fun i'm starting to get the shooting pain down my right leg.

Speaker 1 It's not fun.

Speaker 3 It's not good. And I don't know what to, I can't go to a doctor now because every doctor is busy shooting people up with 5G.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 So I don't know. I think I just got to gut this one.
I've been taking muscle relaxers at night. Where is it hurt?

Speaker 1 Lower back? Lower back, right? You probably have a bulging disc. Yeah.

Speaker 3 You said that like a pro.

Speaker 1 Well, I have one too. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Never goes away. That's one of those phrases that every sportscaster is fucked up at one point saying bulging disc.

Speaker 3 So I don't know what to do.

Speaker 3 It's going to be a long December.

Speaker 1 You have to start stretching. Like all the time.
So

Speaker 3 that's probably the worst part. Is I've asked people for advice.
It's all stretched. It seems that in order to make yourself feel better and have this not happen again, you have to do a lot of work.

Speaker 3 Correct.

Speaker 3 I want to just take a pill or put a patch on.

Speaker 1 Uh-oh.

Speaker 3 Or just have somebody be like, don't do this exercise anymore and have it be fixed.

Speaker 3 But it's like, no, you have to actually exercise and do things with your body to make your body not hurt anymore, which is, it sucks. It really sucks.
It's been a shitty two days.

Speaker 10 Yes. You got to do abs in the future.
You got to do it all.

Speaker 7 Is that going to affect you on the Jenga court?

Speaker 3 Yeah. Maybe.
I'm probably going to have to do the very burden and lay down on my stomach in between turns. Yeah.
Like,

Speaker 3 this has been the longest that I've sat up erect since this has happened.

Speaker 1 It sucks. It's the fucking worst.
Back in region of the worst.

Speaker 3 I had Billy walking on my back like

Speaker 3 Lucy Lou. No.
Just going to have him do that. Just rubbing CBD on my spine.

Speaker 1 Don't have him walk on your back.

Speaker 10 I didn't bother.

Speaker 1 You probably have a muscle. It's a muscle thing, not a skeletal thing.

Speaker 3 I think it's a skeletal thing.

Speaker 1 If it's your lower back, and everything you described sounds like a disc.

Speaker 3 But the sciat, is the disc not part of the skeletal?

Speaker 1 No, the disc, a bulging disc basically hits the nerve.

Speaker 1 Okay. So you have to do stretches.
It will slowly go down, and then it will be with you for the rest of you.

Speaker 3 Why can't I just take drugs?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 All right. My.

Speaker 3 HCH is.

Speaker 1 That's true. Okay.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Billy, are you serious?

Speaker 1 SGH.

Speaker 3 Okay. For my back.

Speaker 1 Mine is, I already alluded to it, but Billy convinced me I had COVID on Sunday. It sucked.

Speaker 10 Yeah, I'm sorry about that. That's okay.

Speaker 1 I had food poisoning, and I told him I had food poisoning. I puked twice, and then I was fine on Saturday night, and Billy was like, oh.

Speaker 10 But you said the Chinese food. The only reason I said you said the Chinese food was good.

Speaker 1 No, I didn't say it was good.

Speaker 10 You said the other people who ate it didn't get sick. You're the only one who got sick, and you also were forgetting things.

Speaker 1 I forgot my password at 2 in the morning to my computer that I then got up, took a piss, and came back and got it right. That was

Speaker 1 for

Speaker 1 a while. That was like all those little things.
Yeah, but

Speaker 1 you diagnosed me hard before that. Now I've been walking around with a fucking thermometer in my pocket all week, just taking my temperature every day.
97.9, no big deal, cold-blooded.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Billy also said muscle aches and back aches are a sign of COVID.

Speaker 1 Maybe we should get a different doctor. Maybe we should get a different doctor.

Speaker 3 Besides our 19-year-olds?

Speaker 1 Yes, I think we should get a different doctor. I think that's what we're finding out.

Speaker 10 Okay, I'm not.

Speaker 3 Dr. Jill Biden.

Speaker 3 Yes. Bill.

Speaker 1 All right, Bill, you got a firefest? Besides killing your chicken?

Speaker 10 Yeah, I have one less hand. Yeah, I just realized that.

Speaker 1 He can't hear us while we whisper. Yeah, I guess he's wearing that.
Because he's not wearing headphones.

Speaker 10 Okay, I didn't come watch your AFP. I promise you'll lose.

Speaker 1 You can't hear us right now, can you? What are you saying? What are you just doing? You know what the fuck

Speaker 1 is that? Billy doesn't even have headphones on. You can't hear what he does.
Billy was actually concerned about his chicken. He would not have

Speaker 3 Oh, he has a five.

Speaker 1 He's like a Trish McKay. He's better than you.
Tell him Trisha. He's really uncomfortable.
He's not even close to me. He's so uncomfortable.
He can't hear it.

Speaker 1 Why are you all so whispering?

Speaker 3 But a point

Speaker 3 of view. Because everybody whispers.

Speaker 10 Okay, I mean, everyone whispers when other people are whispering.

Speaker 1 It's just like a thing.

Speaker 3 And also when the lights are off, everybody whispers for some reason.

Speaker 1 He doesn't have a firefight, so he's secretly glad about the fact that we're stolen. Yes, yes, absolutely.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 The fact that he doesn't, we should have been doing this a long time ago without his headphones. All of us subscribed to my Twitch.

Speaker 5 Berserker with his S.

Speaker 1 Big Time. And

Speaker 1 big time.

Speaker 3 All right, Billy, was that your Fire Fest?

Speaker 1 Yeah. All right, Jake.
What's your FireFest? Oh, no, Jake's got it this week in sports. Let's go.

Speaker 9 I have Firefest, too. All right.

Speaker 1 Firefest.

Speaker 1 We mentioned your coach Jim Bayheim and the

Speaker 9 last pair of boxers, and I think the place I sent it to is closed because of the snowstorm.

Speaker 1 Wait, you send? Oh, because you don't have a washer dryer. Yeah.
Yeah. You have the Undies is coming back in 2021.
We got an email about that. Beautiful.
So you'll get some.

Speaker 1 Do you have a sink? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Do it, man.

Speaker 3 What about turning them inside out?

Speaker 10 No, you know what's the best part about the snow is that you can wear your long johns instead of underwear and then you save on doing laundry.

Speaker 1 Mm-hmm. That is

Speaker 1 a good thing for the snow, yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Jake, long johns are high. Do you have any athletic shorts? Yes.
Boom, perfect.

Speaker 1 You're good.

Speaker 3 I'll be okay. I don't think I wore an actual pair of underwear from the time I was 20 until I was like 22.
Just athletic shorts. Yeah.
Free balling. You know how I'd be.

Speaker 9 Yes, this day in sports history. December 18th, 2017.

Speaker 9 Mississippi Valley State's Dante Scott hits a floater inside the paint against Grand Canyon in the second half to cut his team's deficit from 22 to 20.

Speaker 1 Whoa. I remember that.
Let's hear it.

Speaker 1 Inside Scott.

Speaker 1 Trying to turn. Vernon's there.
Braun's there. He comes back out.
Five on the shot clock. Got a move.
Scott, floater. Good.

Speaker 1 Out of the box. Wow.
What a moment.

Speaker 1 I was wondering if it was going to be good or not. And then it was good.
No, no, no, no. The shot.
Oh, yeah. I was like, is he going to make this? But was it a good this thing? Oh, yeah.
All right.

Speaker 1 We're back. Oh, yeah.
Yeah. Don't worry.
You're our good son. You can do no wrong.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 3 What if Jake actually killed Billy's chicken? Plot twist. Wow.

Speaker 7 Yeah. Oh, that's my other Firefest, actually.
The Lizzie Maguire movie got canceled.

Speaker 1 Oh, damn. Wow.

Speaker 3 I was really looking forward to it.

Speaker 10 You did bring Hillary Duff back. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Fuck, bro.

Speaker 10 Celebrity crush. But it was too much.

Speaker 3 Really? Yeah, first.

Speaker 1 So she did a

Speaker 1 hockey guy? I had it first.

Speaker 7 She's married to a Kings player, I think. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He'd kick your ass, though, Billy.

Speaker 10 Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's hockey tough. Yeah.

Speaker 1 All right, numbers. I'm going 100 again.
I'm going 99

Speaker 1 restaurant. 13.
You're going 99 on my 100? That's fucked up. 99.
99 reasons. 88.
88. 8.
Oh, he has come back. 8, Philly?

Speaker 1 13.

Speaker 9 I'm trying not to get it, though.

Speaker 1 You should pick 69, though.

Speaker 1 But that doesn't count. Oh, I just saw a 99 pop, Hank.

Speaker 1 Oh, it was close, Hank. 35.

Speaker 3 I feel like we've had 35 before.

Speaker 10 Geese fly in a V shape because the weakest flyers are at the end of the V, which has the least wind resistance.

Speaker 3 That's actually not true. They take turns.
Because they get tired. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And they get weak. Yeah.

Speaker 3 I wouldn't say they're weakest.

Speaker 10 You would always fly at the end of the V.

Speaker 3 Yeah, because I'd be like, I'd bust my ass at the front of the V. Billy, you wouldn't know a V if you saw it, if it rubbed itself on your nose.

Speaker 10 You're not allowed to call people Vs anymore on Twitch. Love you guys.

Speaker 1 Talking away

Speaker 1 I'm the one

Speaker 1 I'm to say I'm saved anyway

Speaker 1 Today's a matter of day to find you shining away

Speaker 1 No, I'll be coming for your love, okay

Speaker 1 I'm not saying it's about me still.

Speaker 1 Take me

Speaker 1 on.

Speaker 1 I'll be gone.

Speaker 1 All Things that you say

Speaker 1 just to play my worries away.

Speaker 1 You are things I've got to remember. Shining always

Speaker 1 on me.

Speaker 1 Here we go.

Speaker 1 Take me.