Tiffani Thiessen, CFB With Andy Staples, And Week 15 Preview

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
On today's Pardon My Take, we have a twofer, Friday twofers. We have Andy Staples to talk some college football championship weekend.
And then we have the legend, the legend, Tiffany Thiessen, Kelly Kapowski. Really, really fun interview.
it was a bucket list

item We have the legend, the legend, Tiffany Thiessen, Kelly Kapowski. Really, really fun interview.
It was a bucket list item for 10, 11, 12-year-old us. And we have NFL Week 15 preview, and the Chargers are going in right now.
Week 15 preview, Fire Fest of the Week. Fantasy Lads are back.
Let's see if the Chargers can finish it. Touchdown, Herbert.
He fumbled the ball. He fumbled the ball.
Justin Herbert scored that touchdown. Justin Herbert scored that touchdown.
All right, let me do the ad and we'll find out. Let me do the ad and we'll find out.
I make a shitload of money if Justin Herbert scored that touchdown. Let's do the ad and we'll find out.
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Okay, let's go.

Boys!

Boys! Okay, let's go. And then I can't blame all on the sun.
Oh, no. We're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue.

And then we'll take it higher.

Oh, we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue.

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Today is Fri-Yay, December 18th, and we are literally watching third and goal, 143 left in overtime.

Justin Herbert just got stopped and fumbled.

PFT had him a prop for him to score a touchdown.

And the over.

And the over.

Anthony Lynn is going to kill me.

Anthony Lynn is the dumbest coach that has ever been created in coaching history.

Touchdown! Touchdown!

Justin Herbert!

He fumbled again!

No, he didn't.

I'm sorry. to score a touchdown.
And the over. And the over.
Anthony Lynn is going to kill me. Anthony Lynn is the dumbest coach that has ever been created in coaching history.
Touchdown! Touchdown! Touchdown! He fumbled again! No, he didn't. He fumbled again! No, he didn't.
He fumbled again! No, he got it. He got it.
He got it. Touchdown! He got it.
He got it. He got it.
He got it. Touchdown.
All right. All right.
So that's Friday. Start to Friday.
Happy Friday. Let's go.
And his lineman. Is his lineman okay? Looks dead.
That was the dumbest game of football we've ever watched. Let's see the replay real quick.
He throws the ball out there. He didn't get in.
That was such a – He didn't get in. That was a pretty big distance he's in.
That was a pretty long distance to sneak from. They weren't at the inch line.
What did you think Anthony Lynn was going to do, pass the ball? Anthony Lynn. He's a bird brain.
He has a goddamn bird inside of his skull, and now the bird's dead because even the bird can't stand hanging out with him. I can't believe this guy.
He just won a football game, so I guess credit to him, but holy shit. The timeouts were an issue again.
The Money Badger, that's his own nickname.

He gave himself that nickname, the kicker for the Chargers.

What is his name?

Marvin.

Is it Marvin?

Marvin is the basketball player.

That's Bagley.

This is Badgley.

Badgley.

Gave himself the nickname The Money Badger.

Tried to trademark it last year to make money off it. Then missed's got nine missed kicks this year he misses a kick then anthony lynn they get an interception and anthony lynn plays for three and he misses another kick god damn it you forgot the part about the fact that he iced his own kicker as well but you know what they always say you can't ice ice turns out that badgley he doesn't have ice he's got bath water in his veins yeah he got he was very easily iced the the snapper was very easily iced the uh the holder put down a good hold missed it to the left but I mean Anthony Lynn could fuck up a wet dream he is but I've kind of I've changed my mind a little bit I want Anthony Lynn to get another contract because it's always good to have a coach in the

NFL that,

you know,

you know, But I've changed my mind a little bit. I want Anthony Lynn to get another contract.

Because it's always good to have a coach in the NFL that you know for sure that you're smarter than.

Yes.

Where you can watch the end of a game and predict exactly how he's going to fuck it up.

And then he goes and he does that exactly to a T.

Well, you know what it is, more than anything.

Anthony Lynn, like we lost Andy Reid.

We lost making Andy Reid jokes. Andy Reid won a Super Bowl.
The jokes are over. Anthony Lynn is the heir apparent.
He is our like, uh-oh, fourth quarter, Anthony Lynn versus the clock. What a matchup we got here.
He can't figure it out. It is so bad.
He's the ultimate panic coach. So I agree with you.
I want him to keep a job or get a new job because these jokes, this is why we watch. We watch shitty games like this.
That was a perfect finale for Thursday Night Football. We watch shitty games like this to roast people, to make ourselves feel smarter, to be like, wow, we could be out there coaching.
These guys are idiots. And holy shit was this game back.
I mean, if every coach was perfect with their clock management, with everything, it would be like watching a math class where I would have to feel like I was learning something every time I watched football. Sometimes I don't want to learn anything.
Sometimes I want to make fun of another guy who hasn't learned as much as I have about football. Yes, yes.
And these two, I think both coaches, Gruden and Anthony Lent, they both just hate the concept of time during a football game. If it were up to them, it's like the game's not over until either someone quits or mom calls you in for dinner.
And that's how we determine. Or it gets too dark outside and you can't see the ball anymore.
That's when John Gruden and Anthony Lynn would like to blow the whistle for the end of the game. But they hate time.
They hate managing time. Actually, John Gruden didn't do such a bad job with it.
Well, and Marcus Mariota, let's give him credit. Today was the Oregon quarterback.
Yes. So Derek Carr tore his leg.
His left groin is what I heard. It looked bad.
Those are always the worst. I have a question for you, PFT.
Is John Gruden a good head coach? Yes. Are you sure? I think he won a Super Bowl.
Are you sure? At Big Cat, mic drop, he won a Super Bowl. Okay, because John Gruden, he did in fact win a Super Bowl.
He won a Super Bowl. John Gruden, his last six seasons as a NFL head coach, so that's three years with the Bucs, three years with the Raiders.
John Gruden is 40-61. Okay.
That's really bad. He won a Super Bowl.
I know, but that's really bad. And this is...
Wasn't he also traded for, like, two first-round picks? This is... He now is sitting here, a team that looked like they were going to the playoffs, that played the Kansas City Chiefs on Sunday Night Football,

almost beat them for the second time this year,

and then since got punked by the Falcons,

basically lost to the Jets, pulled it out because of Dr. Heat,

lost last week to the Colts, got punked by them,

and now just lost to a Chargers team that can't get out of their own way.

I'm just saying. John Gruden.
Everyone was talking about the Raiders. The Raiders are, I think the Raiders are one of those teams in the NFL.
Everyone roots to be good because it's fun when the Raiders are good. They have history.
There are certain teams. It's kind of like college football.
You want certain teams to be back in the mix because it's fun. So we almost will it to happen.

I think we've willed it to happen a little early here because they're going to finish probably 7-9 again or 8-8.

They didn't make a big step this year when this was supposed to be the big step year.

A lot of that is on the defense, and tonight it didn't look better.

You know what I think, Josh?

I mean, that's Mike Mayock and John Green.

They put a lot of money into the offense, and they haven't looked at the defense. You know what I think they did after they fired Gunther? It was Gunther.
Yep, Paul Gunther. So you can't get rid of his spirit entirely.
His aura was still there, but I think what John Gruden did this week, he was like, you know what? We just got to execute better, and we're going to simplify things. We're going to go back to basics on defense and just run like a standard cover two the entire game.
Because in John Gruden's brain, like football is a simple game. It's about hitting another man harder than that man would like to be hit.
So John Gruden is like, we're going to focus on tackling. We're going to improve our tackling this week, and that will fix the defense.
Turns out that Herbert can pick him apart if you just run a cover two

until it's the fourth quarter when they just stop passing the ball entirely.

They just stop.

Well, the Raiders did have that really long drive.

And, yes, Derek Carr got hurt.

So a little bit of –

I mean, I think for the most part, Mariota looked better than Derek Carr.

He had a couple bad throws.

But, like, there was a spark when Mariota got in.

And the Chargers were going to probably win that game anyway because, again, as long as the Chargers, I mean, if the Chargers can survive fucking themselves up like three or four times, they will come back and win. That's really what it is.
It's like the Chargers are going to shoot themselves in the foot three or four times down the stretch and if you don't put them away, they'll eventually, just by the fact that they do have some talent and they have a good roster, will eventually find a way to win. Yeah, but most teams, if another team shoots themselves in the foot three or four times, the game's over at that point.
So you've got to bury them. It was drunk football, and it was a good way to end Thursday Night Football for the year.
have friday night football next week on christmas christmas dice yes which i'm i'm pretty excited about that'll be fun but yeah this was it was i'll say this it was appropriate that on the day tom rinaldi went to fox yes we ended with a game that made us want to cry oh my god the tears always are flowing with him i i'm actually i don't know what i'm gonna do Like the fact that I have to cry on Big Noon Saturday or whatever that Fox pregame show is called. I mean, what you just did was you gave Tom Rinaldi like carte blanche to just farm the Big Ten for sob stories.
Urban is going to cry now. Urban Meyer is going to cry.
We're going to get some Urban Meyer crying on Saturday mornings in the fall. Yeah, Tom Rinaldi, two Fox, the big news.
All right, so that's it. That game was just bad, but it was fun because it was so bad.
You know what? I do like the fact that Mariota, you could tell that he was playing like he was going to make $300,000. I want him on the Bears.
If he won that game, he would have made $325,000. That would be an interesting model to pay quarterbacks like that.
I wanted him on the Bears after his first drive. He looked good.
Marcus Mariota, from what we saw tonight, he's a starting quarterback. Also the second pick in the draft, right? Yeah.
And from Oregon. All Oregon quarterbacks now I think are good.
Tonight has flipped the script. Bring back Dennis Dixon.
Joey Harrington. Get Joey Harrington out there in his jeans to come pass again.
I'm in for it. Bring them all back.
Yeah. All right.
Let's get to our weekend preview. And then we have, on the other side of that, Andy Staples and Tiffany Thiessen.
And also Billy killed all his chickens. Okay, before we get to our weekend preview and then we have on the other side of that Andy Staples and Tiffany Thiessen and also Billy killed all his chickens okay before we get to our weekend preview a quick word from our friends ever had one of those days when it's just too cold to keep working nah neither has Ariat Ariat work jackets and boots are packed with all the cold stopping waterproof protection you need to get the job done under any conditions so you can take any job out there and always deliver.
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Okay, week 15. We're coming down the home stretch, some games, some weird schedule.
We've got two Saturday games. We also only have three afternoon games.
That stinks, but we do have the Chiefs Saints. Hank, you wanted to say something real quick.
Yeah. That's how you intro a plug.
You're going to do the can't lose parlay. Billy has his parlay.
If you guys want to do a risk-free parlay, there's the Pigskin Parlay in the Play Barstool app. It's $35,000 this week.
Wow. It used to be $25,000, then it was $30,000.
$35,000. Hank, how can you afford to give all that money away from your own pocket? It's what I want to do for the AWLs.
It's my way to give back to you guys this season. If you win the $35,000, we'll send you a big-ass check.
Really? Wait. Actually, I saw that.
Someone won it and they had a big-ass check. Giant check will show up to your doorstep.
The big check is the absolute best. That's worth the free admission anyway.
So all you have to do is download the Play Bar Slap. You can make your picks.
It's eight games. Monday night score.
If you win, you get $35,000 a big check. And StoolStreams today, Friday, PFT and Big Cat, you guys are both playing.
Both have to win to get into the playoffs. Loser leaves town.
PFT's playing at 12. Big Cat's playing at noon.
No, we can't change. I mean, PFT's playing at 12.
Big Cat's playing at 2. So tune into that.
Make your picks or play bar. So that's also like $3,000 if you win that.
Hank, a little word of advice.

Just three money.

You should call the pigskin parlay.

You should incorporate the big check into the name of it

because that will make people want it that much more.

The big check.

The big check.

The big check challenge.

Boom.

Done.

Million dollar idea.

Next topic.

$35,000 idea.

$35,000.

What would you guys do if you won $35,000 on Sunday?

I'd give it all to Billy.

I'd put it on red.

I'd give it to Billy and I'd say, Billy, stop killing chickens. We'll get to that.
Yeah. Okay.
Let's do some football. Let's do some football.
Week 15. We're going to talk college football, by the way, with Andy Staples, so we'll go preview of Conference Championship Weekend.
This is maybe the best football weekend we've had start to finish when you have real awesome college football games with a lot of importance.

And then you have some big time important games for the playoff home stretch in the NFL.

We'll go through them.

Let's start with the Saturday games, the weird ass Saturday games.

I don't know why they're throwing two Saturday games at us, but I'm not going to complain.

But I'm going to complain a little bit because I'm going to watch college football. Bills at Broncos.
Did you guys see the Cole Beasley stat that everyone's tweeting out? That he's the highest scoring player under 5'9 in the history of the NFL. That one, and then also Cole Beasley from NFL and CBS.
More yards than A.J. Brown.
More receptions than D.K. Metcalf.
More yards per reception than DeAndre Hopkins more TDs than Julio Jones more 100 yard games than Tyreek Hill more grit than Hunter Renfro as well it's I mean that's an insane I love those where it's just cherry picks he also has more fantasy points than Jerry Rice this year fact I mean a, Cole Beasley, we've said the connection is fun to watch.

The connection is going to be even more fun to watch in the altitude where I think that

Josh Allen could actually throw Cole Beasley out of Mile High Stadium.

I'm pretty sure that physically it's possible.

Also, this is a game where John Elway, people don't talk enough about the fact that John

Elway passed on Josh Allen.

Yeah.

Like this, Josh Allen was the guy that John Elway spent his entire career looking for when he was drafting Brock Osweiler. He was in his wildest dreams.
He's like, this man, this tall boy will become Josh Allen one day. And he passed.
He took Bradley Chubb. Josh Allen was right there.
I think he got picked like one or two slots after Bradley Chubb in that draft. Very sad.
Instead of bringing up the Mitch stat, people should – this is another one. Like the Leonard Fournette thing.
This is another one that people should talk about because this is like John Elway's wet dream of a quarterback, and he blew it. You missed him, and look what he's doing now.
I am slightly nervous about the hype for the Bills. It feels like too many people, like I saw cowards being like,

they're the best team in the AFC.

They've had a bunch of big wins.

I'm nervous for the Bills and Bills fans.

That's all.

Okay.

I understand that.

You know what I mean?

I understand that.

They got to sneak up on people a little bit.

Now you have, as soon as prognosticators and talking talking heads starts they basically have shown up in the last week and decided here's my hot take the bills are really good i like yeah we've known they've been really good and josh allen has been really good all year so shut the fuck up pay attention earlier i understand that and i agree with it but i think we need to recognize we're being a little bit of gatekeepers for the bills that's fine i will be being wagon keepers which is okay like we we have been on the bills for a while we've wanted them to that's not what this is about but i understand it does feel weird when everybody else is now entering our brains and seeing things through our eyes that's not what this is about i'm not for me it is a little bit i'm not saying like, oh, I was a fan of this band before it was cool. I'm saying more that as soon as everyone starts saying the Bills are incredible, I feel like they're jinxing them.
Yeah. Oh, bro, you like the Bills? Name three of their Super Bowl losses.
Yeah. Didn't think so.
Four. Well, yeah.
But if you can get 75%. That was a sad documentary.
That was a really sad documentary. But, yeah, it's just more of a jinx factor.
It feels, yeah. Whenever the dark horse is so obvious and everyone's like, they're not a dark horse.
They're a really good football team. But people are treating them like, because you know how it goes in media.
You don't want to say the Chiefs are really, really good. Because the Chiefs are really, really good.
It's like the Warriors. When the Warriors are really, really good or were really, really good, everyone's like, well, you know who I actually think is going to win the title this year? The Atlanta Hawks.
Yeah, if you're like— They win like 15 games. If you're like, I like the Chiefs, why would you say something so brave and so controversial? Right, and the Bills are the jumping stone, and now I'm scared for them.
But you know what? Here's a spin zone. Even if things go off the trail for the Bills right now, if things fall apart for a second, I think they've still officially made the playoffs, right? I think they made the playoffs.
They still have to win one game to win the East. Okay, so if they go 0-2, if they limp into the playoffs, then they become the team that will sneak up on you.
So either the wagon rolls on and you continue to dominate people, or maybe things fall apart a little bit, and then you sneak up on somebody in the playoffs. Yes.
I want them to win this game very badly, though. I was thinking, you know, we've talked a few times about getting Bill's fans the vaccine or setting up like a quarantine station so that they can go into Orchard Park, into the stadium and watch the game.
There should be like, if you build it, they will come scenario where a fan in Buffalo

needs to build like a simulated stadium in their backyard and just get a giant screen

that they put down where the fields should be so that some people can get the environment

of seeing a Bills game from the stands.

I'm all in.

I also just love this time of year watching a Denver game, maybe some mountains of snow

in the end zone.

Always fun.

All right, next up, Packers.

Panthers at Packers.

The Panthers' defense, pass defense, has been very bad recently.

The Packers, though, they're 10-3.

I basically spent like the last half hour trying to find a stat

that just shows that the Packers aren't good.

Turns out they're actually pretty good. But this one was just kind of staring me in the face.
The Packers are 10-3. They're 1-2 against teams with winning records.
Okay. I mean, that's not a bad stat.
If they go 1-2 in the playoffs, they will not win the Super Bowl. That's true.
That's a fact. But they might play against an NFC East team in the playoffs, which might be sub-500.
Yeah, they'd be their one. No, but they might be less than 500.
No, they would win, and then they would maybe get one more win. Okay, but then they still wouldn't win the Super Bowl.
That's a fact. Yeah, just saying it.
Also, what about their rush defense? Has their rush defense quietly gotten better? Soft. They're soft.
They're a soft football team. I agree with that, and I also have a stay woke about that picture going around of Aaron Rodgers.
There's like a 200-year-old Aaron Rodgers. I think Aaron Rodgers knew about that guy and has been grooming his own looks to look like that person in hopes that one day somebody will find that picture and be like, oh, isn't this quirky? Like the Jack Nicholson? Aaron looks like this guy from back 200 years ago.
This was a big psyop plant operation by Aaron Rodgers. He knew what he was doing.
I also just a little heads up. If you're handicapping this game, it is Christmas season.
So Aaron Rodgers won't be giving or getting any gifts. So that probably changes his mood.
Maybe a little surly. Maybe after Chris.
I feel like that would impact him next weekend. Okay.
yeah, next weekend against the Titans. Bucs, Falcons.
Falcons since the 28-3 game. So Tom Brady has played the Falcons right after the Super Bowl the year after.
But since the 28-3 game, the Falcons are 28-33. Kind of fun.
28-33. Very fun stuff.
Yeah, really bad since the Patriots beat them in the Super Bowl. This, to me, the Bucs are at this point, like, they have to start proving it.
Because even that Vikings game, when we talked about it on Sunday night, Dan Bailey sucked, and they should have blown him out, and they didn't really blow him out. The Bucs need to have a statement win sometime in the last three weeks for me to be feeling like the B can do something in the playoffs yeah and this doesn't really pretend well for the for the bucks their entire long snapping unit their kicker their kicker their punter and their long snapper are all on the ir with the covid they're on the covid list so i don't know if they're getting off the cocoa list before the game but to me that seems like this seems like a heartbreaking type loss for tampa bay special teams the most important of all the units a phase the third of the game i'd say it's the first phase of the game you have to kick off before anything else happens that's true so you've got 33 starters uh and three of them it looks like are dealing with some sort of covid i don't know if it's contact tracing or if they tested positive or whatever it is, but

I just know that it's not ideal to go into a division game against an opponent that loves

to play extremely close matchups with most teams and then have your kicker and the person

that hikes the ball to your kicker be on the IR.

I would imagine the Bucs will just figure out a way to get Alex Guerrero designated

as the official team doctor and then that will clean itself up.

Okay, so we're going to have you guys drink more water this week, and you'll be good to go. Yeah, and throw this strawberry in the trash, and the COVID is gone.
Yeah, you're on the avocado cocoa list because that's the only way that you can get Corona under my watchful eye. Yes.
All right, next up, Lions-Titans. this game should be a blowout for the Titans

because I don't think anyone on the Lions wants to tackle Tractor Cito at this part of the season. But the story of this game and the story of all week was Frank Ragnow, who played last game for the Lions with a fractured throat.
A fractured throat. That is one of those injuries.
There was an injury. Some catcher had it a couple years ago where they had a dislocated ball sack.
Fractured throat is up there for injuries that give you the willies down your spine when you read it. You're thinking of the twisted testicle.
The twisted testicle. The testicle torsion.
Some guy in the Giants had that, and I remember Felix Pye had that back in the day. It's just you spin your nut around, and the only way that you can get it right is you have to sit in a hot bath and just let it unwind.
Like you're holding a bowling ball that's been twisted up on a string. You just hold it up in the air until the string slowly turns.
That's a yo-yo. That's called a yo-yo.
No, I'm thinking bowling ball. If you've got nuts like mine, I'm thinking like an eight-pounder.
Who holds a bowling ball on a string? I'm trying to paint a picture out here. With a yo-yo.
With a yo-yo. No, a yo-yo, you're thinking.
Yo-yo strings do have it. You're thinking about sleeping it or walking the dog.
No, you've got to let it hang and then unwind it. Unwind itself? Yeah.
So if you have a twisted testicle, you have to hold it in the bath like it's a yo-yo. Okay.
And then once it unwinds, you basically get an orgasm. Once it gets back to normal, it feels that good.
Probably the best one. But, yeah.
The fractured throat. That is – there are certain injuries that you hear it, and it just chills down your spine.
Fractured throat is that. He might play.
I saw that he's communicating with the coaching staff by writing stuff down and hand signals. It seems like, listen, I'm not going to tell someone what to do, what not to do.
This is a free country. But, Frank, Calvin Johnson retired.
Barry Sanders retired. They realized that this was a losing proposition to be on the Detroit Lions.
You have a fractured throat on a 5-18. You can sit this one out.
Yeah, it's a weird throat to die on. For sure would blame you if you sat out for the rest of the season.
I didn't even know that you could fracture a throat. Is there a bone in your throat? Does he just have a sore throat? I don't know.
I found the twisted testicle. Yeah.
It was Jose Abreu of the White Sox. Oh, Abreu.
Okay. Yeah.
Testicular torsion. See that? Yeah.
That's bad. That's a bad injury.
You think Heather Brooke could ever fracture her throat? Yeah. Well, that was what everyone was saying.
That's why she took the joke. 10 years off? Yeah.
Underneath it was all porn jokes under the fractured throat. Like, not even this person could do it.
Yeah. Yeah.
What were you going to say, Billy? Well, actually, the torsion thing, if it keeps happening, they actually have to sew your nut to the side of your ball sack. That's our doctor.
That sounds pretty safe. Yep.
He went to medical school. Billy was giving me advice.
That's actually a surgery. My favorite thing that you do, Billy, is you speak with such confidence when it comes to medical emergencies that I always believe it.
I mean, you diagnosed me with COVID on Saturday night. And I was like, for like 24 hours, I was like, fuck, do I have it? And then I realized I'm listening to Billy Football MD.
Billy rubbed CBD on my back earlier and then he was like, dude, you gotta put, you gotta pull your shirt all the way over it because otherwise the CBD will evaporate and go into the environment. No, that's the menthol.
Yeah. It's killing the ozone.
But thank you. That actually, you are, you're, listen, Billy.
That's actually what they do to fix it. I know.
and you're better than uh than david chow you should actually start replying to his reply yeah with if you really want to know what injury this was go to fight paul.com that's you and you can put them up yes i'm actually i'm shocked that that david chow pro football doc didn't start replying to more to trace mcsorley uhorley TikToks with links to his injury analysis of his knee after the game on Monday night. All right, so Texans-Colts, I don't know.
Just a bunch of tweets saying, let's put Deshaun Watson in a safe house, protect Deshaun Watson at all costs, get overly dramatic about a guy playing football, and the Colts will probably win at the end in some weird fashion. This is a who cares game of the week for me.
It is. It's important for the Colts.
It's also a game where the Colts will – it will be some stupid way the Colts win this game. Yeah, it's like the old Peyton Manning Colts against the Texans.
No matter what would happen, the Texans could kick their ass for like 50 minutes, and then at the end, Sage Rosenfels would do a 780 helicopter, and it would be a fumble and the colts would somehow manage to win colts are going to win this game also people who bet the over last time they played like two weeks ago probably have some sunday scaries looking at this game because there were two points scored in the second that's me that would be i two points all right patriots dolphins oh are we gonna get a mayor's bet between h and Jake? Patriots, by the way, are 5-2 since 2013 going to Miami. Wouldn't it be funny if Cam Newton was like, he's the opposite of Tom Brady in pretty much everything because he's not good at playing football, but he's really good at going to Miami.
I can run with that. I can run with that.
Yeah, like it's Cam Newton. The Patriots have a lot of end-of-the-season wins against the Dolphins built up that they need to cash in on.
Right, and Cam Newton's the guy. Everything Tom Brady does well, Cam Newton doesn't, except then you reverse it for the going to Miami and winning.
How about this? How about if the Dolphins win, Hank, you have to give Jake your pants. You know the pants? The ones that look like a clown broke out of jail? Jake, if you win, then you get his tie.
Jake's like the Jim Nance style. Yeah.
Tie for pants. Yeah, we should do tie and pants, but also why don't we do a little Syracuse and Duke? You could wear some Duke stuff, Jake.
Hank, you could wear some Syracuse stuff. I don't know if I could support Jim Bayhan.
Yeah. Why not? Oh, what do you do? Oh, come on.
No, I don't. Jake's not even entertaining that.
I mean, it did happen. It's something that happened.
What are you going to say, Billy? I kind of want Hank to wear a suit. Oh.
I've never seen Hank in a suit. I think it would it would be hilarious I wore one for the draft You wore one for the Breeders' Cup When Wes Welker didn't give us ecstasy You wore one from the way to stop I wore one for a wedding And people, you know, lost their shit I broke the internet Yeah Tracy McHankey So wait, what's so Ty and Pants Ty and Pants Syracuse and Duke And loser has to say the C word on Monday's show.

Yeah, actually, just do that.

Loser has to swear on the show.

Deal.

All right.

All right.

Perfect.

No.

Why?

I just can't.

No.

It's a bet.

It's a bet.

Okay.

I think that it's...

I don't want to go to the Puerto Rican League.

From the top up.

Puerto Rican League. All right.
Pardon me, Toma. I actually think the Patriots could win this game just because they have made no sense.
And this would follow along with the lines of losing to the Texans, beating the Cardinals, killing the Chargers, losing to the Rams very badly. And the Ravens winning basically ended their playoff chances, so now that they're out of the playoffs, they'll show some life.
They're not totally out of the playoffs. They're pretty much all intents and purposes.
Pretty much, but they're not dead. If the Ravens lost, the path was there.
But they have to not only win their remaining games, but they need help, too, right? All I know is if the Ravens have lost, they had I know is Belichick has an agenda for this game. I don't know what the agenda is, but he's clearly communicated it to Brian Flores.
So whatever Bill Belichick wants to have happen, Flores will make happen during this game. Yes.
The Patriots have a 1% chance of making the playoffs. If they win out, it goes to a 9% chance.
With nothing else happening, with no one else, no other losses out there. So, yeah.
And I think they would officially be eliminated if they lost. When your home system or appliance breaks down, American Home Shield will help fix or replace the covered item, no matter its age.
Visit AHS.com slash listen for 20% off any plan. See ahs.com slash contracts for coverage details, limitations, and exclusions.
Okay, Bears-Vikings. Speaking of playoffs, I'm all the way back in for Sunday.
Especially with a win, it's not a pipe dream. It's not a pipe dream at all.
If the Bears have a 20% chance against the playoffs right now, if they win this game against the Vikings, they have a 43% chance. if they win the following week against the Jags it's now 53% chance if they win against the Packers 90% chance so if they win out they have a 90% chance to go to the playoffs this is the game though this is the elimination game because the Vikings are fighting I am ready to get hurt again because I am in that dangerous territory where I actually think they can win this game, which means they will get fucking smoked.
But here is what I have in my favor. A quote.
He's kicked good this week. I talked to him a couple times this week about certain things.
He's a very even keeled guy that has a history of being a terrific kicker in this league. We're not going to dwell on it.
Everybody else is, but we're not. That is Mike Zimmer somehow, someway, keeping Dan Bailey as his kicker.
How? How? I think he just hates him so much that he wants to torture him by keeping him around, and he loses all power over Dan Bailey the second that he cuts him. He can no longer hurt him once he's no longer under the purview of Mike Zimmer.
So you keep your friends close and your enemies closer. And Mike Zimmer, like the Vikings are never going to have a good kicker.
The Bears are never going to have a great kicker. They're never going to have a good quarterback.
Well, also, I mean, Robbie Gold was a great kicker. He's no longer there.
But now it's not like, you know, going into this stretch, you would put the expectation on the Bears to have the kicker that is liable to blow things at any minute nope but not in this game in this game it definitely favors you and santos and after we recorded the show it took a long time but me and big cat did sit down and we came up with a scenario where the bears get in at nine and seven and play the football team yes also at nine and seven and if you want to see a mayor's's bet. A lot of things have to happen.
Well, are we playing the NFC Championship game? Yeah, that too. Could meet you there.
So we got to start thinking about what that bet's going to be. All right.
So, yeah, I'm going to get hurt. I'm going to get hurt, but I'm ready to get hurt because you know what? I don't care.
It's the middle of December, and I'm excited for the Bears to play on Sunday after this season has been a roller coaster and a disaster, starting 5-1 and being here, whatever. Can I give you an honest take about Mitchell? Yeah, he's a great guy.
The Mitchell that I've seen the last couple weeks. In flashes, Mitchell Trubisky has been a meh quarterback.
He's been eh. So the key to the Bears having success on offense is playing against really bad defenses it's pretty much just that okay Matt Nagy has finally figured out the league it is schedule only like next year when you when when our when the bears ad does the schedule they should be scheduling like uh north texas they should be scheduling charlotte they should be scheduling the sisters of the poor and not other nfl teams because then they'll look good yeah i i i it's tough to it's tough to really take away anything from from scoring 30 plus on the texans and the lions let's just say that i'm realistic about the bears i the vikings don't have a, but when you actually think about it, they have done well against really bad defenses, which is okay, but they're not good.
Mitchell looks average, and that's like a super high compliment that I can pay to him. I think it's kind of fucked up that Matt Nagy has BU on his play card.
We don't talk about that enough. Like BU BU, that has got to be very confusing to look at.
Like, you're looking at past you telling future you to be you. It should be be yourself.
Be yourself. Be you.
It's just, it's very, very confusing. Like, you have to sit down and think about being you at that point, and you're not you when you're thinking about being you.
Not only that, but I would rather Matt Nagy be anyone but himself.

Yeah, be Andy Reid.

Be Eric Bielema.

Yeah, Eric Biennemi.

Eric Biennemi.

What did I say?

Bielema.

Be Brett Bielema.

Nah, maybe not.

He's pretty fat.

You have to gain a lot of weight. He's funny.

Yeah, be anyone but yourself.

It should just have a list.

Like, be Bill Walsh.

Yeah.

Why not?

Just do it for a game. Okay.
He should just write, don't in front of BU. Be you.
Alright, Seattle, Washington football team. I got a stat for you, PFT.
Russell Wilson versus top 13 pass defenses. 3-3 versus everyone else 6-1.
He's actually struggled against good defenses. The only thing that makes me nervous about this game is I don't know who's going to be playing quarterback for the Washington football team.
And, yeah, that's bad. I think it's Alex Smith.
I think he's going to play, which is concerning to me. And it would not be the worst thing if we lost this game, if the football team lost this game, because as long as we take care of business for the rest of the season, we'll probably be okay.
And this, I mean, Seattle coming to DC doesn't usually work out well. If you're in route, John, I don't, I don't love the football team.
And this way I like them. I like the football team.
I don't love them. If that same defense that we saw last week comes out, then yeah, we obviously have an opportunity to beat anybody.
If we get to Russell Wilson like we were getting to Nick Mullins, but if we get to Russell Wilson like we got to Nick Mullins, guess what? We still have to deal with Russell Wilson not being Nick Mullins at that point. So the chance of him fumbling twice and throwing a bunch of interceptions, probably less likely than Nick Mullins doing it.
I just, I am believing. I'm already believing.
I'm 100% in. That front four, if you're going to use all your first-round draft picks, it's probably better to do it all on the defensive side of the ball than go like the Falcons and have all first-round picks on the offensive side.
Because if you load up on defense, you can still have a pathetic offense and people will respect you. Win a few games,'re like they're hard nose baldy it's tough to beat freak out about hard out yeah we're a hard out whereas if you're good on offense and extremely soft on defense you get no respect i have a bad stat for you i every sunday night when uh we leave the studio i do a quick look at the lines and do gut reactions.
My gut said Washington football team plus five and a half is the easiest bet in the world. I don't like that.
That's a bad stat for you. I hate that.
I hate it. It is the most like it, like a public dog.
Cause my brain is very public. And the initial reaction, if sometimes I can get myself off thinking the way the public does after like a lot of hard work and and really thinking about these things but the initial gut reaction was washington football team load up back up the brink's trucks five and a half is too much that's a problem yeah i mean we did see the giants go into seattle a couple weeks ago and beat them there so There you go.
It could happen. It could happen.

Five and a half seems like too many.

I agree.

So I like it.

I don't love it.

Football team is going to play team football.

You know what I thought?

Here's kind of a high idea that I had when I took a muscle relaxer last night.

It'd be funny if people started inserting the word football,

like we do for the New York football giants,

the Washington football football team. I think that'd be a fun thing to do.
Okay. We should do it.
I think it's a fun thing to do. Washington football football team.
Yeah. The Washington football football team football club.
And just keep saying, just keep it going. Uh, all right.
Jags Ravens. Okay.
You don't like it. That's fine.
Yeah. It's yeah.
Irelaxing idea. So, yeah.
Yeah, I think it's got legs. Just keep adding footballs.
Just add footballs to it. And, well, we do need to figure out what a logo for the team is going to be.
Yeah. I think it should be a football made out of football players.
So, it's actually like a football that is a football team. I like that.
Team football. I like that.
Jags, Ravens. Who cares? Who cares? Yeah.
Ravens just beat them and move on down the line. Move on down the line with this.
Just do it. We don't care.
This is a game that we will probably forget about in the red zone. Now, the afternoon slate.
This is a problem, guys, because we not only have three games, but one of them stinks out loud. The Jets being a third of our afternoon football is a big-time problem.
So the Jets and Rams, this just – I guess the Jets are fun to watch because it's like how bad can it get? Yeah, I want to see them lose in new and entertaining ways, but the problem is the Jets don't lose in new and entertaining ways. They lose 40-3 after scoring a field goal in the first two minutes.
Right. And then they get blown out.
So I'd like to find – you know what I'm just going to do? I'm going to bet the over in this game, and it'll be on the side. Yep.
And I won't have to waste any mental capital paying attention to it. Just put the over on there and just have it humming in the background like white noise.
And this is a game that last week we had the same thing where you're gonna go into sunday being like well no team in the nfl should be 17 and a half point dogs the jets should be so don't trick yourself we all do it i'll probably do it i'll probably bet the jets but don't do it it's fun but don't do it yeah it's fun for like the first quarter because you're covering yeah and then it's it's really bad. You actually feel like a genius in that first quarter.
You're like, everyone out there thinks that the Jets are so bad. Right.
Guess what? These guys get paid too. These guys are professionals too.
And then they lose by 50. Right.
And as soon as they get out of the number, you're screwed because they can never get back in it. Like as soon as this game is 21 to three, it's over it's over um all right eagles cardinals jalen hurts did you see doug peterson by the way uh was like we're gonna look at the tape and assess if jalen's still our starter i think he's just addicted to like fucking with his starters yeah well he he said basically that jalen hurts was starting a week before he was actually the starter right like he Like, he won't answer a straight question of whether Carson Wentz was going to be playing.
And, yeah, it can't be fun to play for a guy like that. Yes.
And, I mean, Carson Wentz, what cool plays is Doug Peterson going to draw up for Jalen Hurts? Because it's been pointed out, but Doug Peterson was great with Nick Foles. He has one game with Jalen Hurts, but it looked pretty good.
And for some reason, with Carson Wentz, they just don't work together. Yeah, I think that if you're a defense, what Doug Peterson's trying to do is play mind games with his opponent, be like, who are they going to game plan for? Carson Wentz or Jalen Hurts? You probably draw up the exact same game plan, and the bonus with Carson Wentz is he's probably going to fumble the ball at least twice and throw you a couple picks.
Jalen Hurts might not do that. Jalen Hurts is right now a turbo version of what Carson Wentz was trying to do.
Yes. So I think the game plan doesn't really matter if you're drawing up what your matchups are going to look like if it's going to be Jalen Hurts or Carson Wentz.
Yes. By the way, we totally forgot the 49ers in dallas that's my fault 49ers dallas whatever well it's a game that it'll take you back to the mid 90s i just imagine that it's 1995 the citizens are still funny bill clinton's president and uh everything's hunky-dory in the world everything's great um and kyle shanahan is way better than mike mccarthy as a coach yes so just remember that when you bet on this game.
Say that to yourself over and over. How many Kyle Shanahans do you think could fit inside one Mike McCarthy? I think three and a half.
Yeah, easily. Easily.
Uh-huh. Yeah.
He looks like, if I didn't know who Kyle Shanahan's dad was, I'd say Mike McCarthy looks exactly like Kyle Shanahan's dad. Mike McCarthy's going to die from how tight his mask is.
And then we're going to call it a COVID death. Oh, it's crazy.
And his mask is not only super tight, but it covers percentage-wise the highest portion of his face of any NFL coach. He looks like Sub-Zero.
It's glued on. It actually looks like, remember when they did, when Sports Illustrated was like, hey, let's sell even more magazines to horny middle-aged guys.
Let's paint

on the bikinis so you can

almost see that it's porn.

His mask is literally painted on.

You remember when Sports Illustrated tried

to get a little more inclusive

with the swimsuit edition

and they're like, we're going to try to be less sexist

this year. What can we do to make it

less misogynist?

I know.

Let's have athletes' wives posing in swimsuits.

That'll tie it back into sports.

That was good, by the way.

I mean, Phil Mickelson's wife was.

Yeah, I mean, I was a fan of this.

Roger Clemens' wife.

It was a big day in the late 90s because that was basically all you got

was sports illustration.

Yeah, you go into the bathroom and Pops is like, wow,

little PFT really loves that Rick Riley call.

All right, Chief Saints, our best stat that we thought of last year

is still holding true Patrick Mahomes, indoor cat, not an outdoor cat.

Indoors, he's 0-3 against the spread.

0-3 against the spread.

Yeah.

Just think about that.

And is Drew Brees going to come back

with his 11 McRibs in his sternum?

Probably. We don't know.
Probably.

But I think that if

Drew Brees comes back, I think it's

probably...

Saints really don't gain that much

from having Drew Brees with a

flexible intestinal cavity

over having a fully-bodied Taysom Hill out there. He's going to come back.
His ribs are going to be healed. But guess what isn't? His shoulder injury.
Because he forgot to tell the doctor about that. He's like, Doc, my ribs are fucked up.
And they've only been looking at his ribs. Wait, I'm trying to remember what the endgame was for the shoulder.
So the 11 rib injury was fake because his shoulder was going to need time to heal no no his shoulder he can't he can't throw deep anymore period but his shoulder is hurt he can't throw deep anymore even worse so it's like his game is so limited that defenses can plan for him being like this guy's shoulder shot we don't We don't have to guard anything. They reverse it.
We're like, it's the ribs. His shoulder's fine.
So once the ribs are good, he'll be good to go. Just watch.
Just watch Drew Brees trying to throw it deep. Can't do it.
I just wish that his ribs should have been made out of the same thing as his neck was when he took that hit from the Niners. Do you remember that? Yeah.
The all-time stretchy gumby neck. Stretch Armstrong.
Yeah. Something, I guess his ribs are cartilage and then it turns to bone around his heart.
Right. Right.
All right. Sunday Night Football, Browns and Giants, Freddie Kitchens, revenge game.
Well, this is the ultimate revenge game. Yeah.
And Cole McCoy. No, down the list.
Yeah. You start at the top in this game.
Stefanski and Judge went to high school with each other. Oh, wow.
Yeah. You're going to get beaten over the head with that shit on Sunday night.
Get ready for some old photos from the yearbook. Get ready for some old superlatives, some practice footage.
So Stefanski and Judge obviously both went to high school in Philadelphia because every NFL coach is from Pennsylvania. Every college coach from Ohio, every NFL coach from Pennsylvania.
So that's Stafford Kershaw stuff right there. And then you've got Freddie Kitchens revenge game.
You've got Odell Beckham revenge game. He's not playing.
You got Colt McCoy revenge game. You got Jabril Peppers revenge game.
And you have, there's one more. Line.
Line. What's the other? There's another one here.
Basically, it's like Game of Thrones. It's just incestuous.
Browns tried to kill somebody on the toilet last week. Yep.
Freddy Kitchens, though, revenge game. The fact that we get to see Freddy Kitchens' face in the cold being Freddy Kitchens.
God damn it, this is going to be great. God damn it, is this going to be great.
It favors the Browns, though. They're mudders.
And it's going to be like 40 degrees and rainy in New York. And Browns, they've got experience in that weather.
Yes. Wait, is it actually going to be that? Yeah.
Fuck. Yes.
God damn it. We got to bet on the Browns then.
Yeah. Have to.
I'll say as a football. You say Jabril Peppers? Yes.
Jabril Peppers. As a football team fan, I hope that Jason Garrett makes 100% recovery from COVID.
I want to see him on the sidelines for the next 25 years calling plays for the Giants. So please get well soon, Jason.
And I don't know, is Colt McCoy playing? So Colt McCoy is playing? Yeah, I think so. So Daniel Jones, Joe Judge, you officially made a terrible mistake

having Daniel Jones on one leg out there last week.

Hopefully Colt McCoy can fix that.

Well, they got around that by saying, like, Daniel Jones had a new injury.

Re-injured.

Re-aggravated.

Yeah, he was not ever aggravated to begin with.

Got it.

Got it.

But, yeah, Colt McCoy, I'm going with Browns.

The weather is really what's pushing me over the top.

Yeah, this is going to be a weird – it's going to be an ugly game, I feel like. Maybe I'll just take the unders.
Sunday night unders. Feel like they hit.
All right. That is – oh, I have my can't-lose parlay.
You ready for it? Olivier Vernon. There you go.
Olivier Vernon revenge game. There it is.
That's what I was thinking about. Thanks, Jake.
Hank, cut out that seven seconds of delay where I was trying to think of Olivier Vernon Line line. No.
Okay. Let's see.

The,

while you're looking up the can't lose parlay,

we've got a new bet in the Barstool sports book,

the tractor Cito 2k bet.

If tractor Cito hits 2000 yards on the season,

you bet.

Yes.

I think it pays out plus two 70 and Derek Henry is playing a,

a pretty doable schedule.

He's got the lions.

I think he's got the Packers and easy. I think the last game is against the line.
Someone in the division. Jaguars.
Jaguars. There it is.
All right. Can't lose parlay.
I'm dipping into Saturday. Dipping into college football.
Texans week 17. I'm dipping into college football.
I'm dipping into Saturday. We're going to lay a base on Saturday, and then sunday is gonna be nice and easy it's bamma minus six and a half they're gonna fucking kill florida packers minus two and a half they will kill the panthers unfortunately and then on sunday it's titans minus two and a half ravens minus two and a half that's gonna pay like plus 200 plus it's a two-day can't lose parlay what could go wrong i like it what could go wrong nothing it can't lose it cannot lose billy you got anything uh pardon my take dot net for the spreadsheet i can't believe that website how many websites do you control the domains for you own all these you own half the internet i own seven websites yeah you're you're a real estate mogul pardon my taketake.net.
It's crashed. What? Oh, my God.
This is Billy's budget betting. This is such a ridiculous.
If you're on a budget. This really, this is, I'm getting some big time Bitcoin 2 Gen vibes on this.
Payout versus outcomes. What? This isn't the new one.
That's the old one. This is the old one.
I'm working on the new one. This is the most – where do you even look on this website? I'm actually going to make it a little more easier to understand.
Well, anything you do will make it easier to understand. It's up $200 over the past four weeks.
Oh, my God, Billy. This is a disaster.
You never actually looked at it? How many different font sizes do you use on this page? It's actually the only thing that's been winning. Also, the color scheme is just a disaster.
He roots for every game. Over the past four weeks, if you start with $100, you'd have $300 now.
That's not true. It is true.
No chance. It is true.
Check out 300 sheets. Billy, do you know anything about the tout business? 200 that you won plus the 100 you started with..
Don't say that you start with $100. Say if you start with a million dollars, you'd be up $2 million.
Well, we're on a budget here. Not all of us are big ballers.
1-800-GAMBLER if you've got a problem, yeah. I like how you just fucked up the entire format of this website so that you could include a graph that shows the line going up.
Yeah, my eyes hurt looking at this. That graph just shows the amounts of the outcomes.

Go to the second page.

Okay, second page is just as jarring.

Sheet three.

And the third page is even the worst.

The third page is just a bunch of numbers.

How come it goes sheet one and then the second page is sheet three?

And then the third page is sheet two.

It's just where the codes draw from.

Okay.

But by the time you listen to this, it should be up on partofmytake.net. And it won't look any better than this.
It will. So it could also happen, could happen just in case, statistical analysis, top hinge duo and bottom hinge duo.
You can make fun of it, but it's been winning for the past week. I'm reading it for the people.
Four weeks. Billy, I love this parlay.
You tell me and I'll load it up. All of them.
I actually haven't figured it out yet. Okay.
But parmytake.net by tomorrow. All right.
Let's do Fantasy Lads. The Fantasy Lad Boys.
The Fantasy Lad Boys. And then actually we're going to do Andy Staples first.
And then we'll have Tiffany Thiessen. Great interview with Tiffany Thiessen.
Awesome interview. Who's that, mate? Let's do it, mate.
Who's Tiffany Thiessen? Prop little legend. She's a bird from the 90s, right? Bird you'd like to shag.
I love that. All right, boys, my name's Shelby Eisenhower.
Let's go, Shelby. My start is beans, french fries, on a piece of toast for lunch.
Oh, that's what I call good eating. Nice.
Throw out the fish and chips.

This is the real traditional meal.

We call it the Old Faithful.

I saw a pic on Twitter and I was like,

my mouth started watering.

I was like,

damn, those beans look good.

Water up proper.

Like the fucking British channel.

I love it.

Beans, beans are magical fruit.

The more you eat,

the more you toot.

My sitting is Boba Fett.

He's dead.

Boba?

Nerd. He kicked the dirt, bro.
He's dead. What's that? Some Star Trek analogy? No, it's like that.
Six metres deep? The original actor is dead, so, you know. Rest in Liverpool, mate.
Oh, fuck. Rest in peace, bro.
And my sleeper. Hey, dude.
Speaking of Liverpool. Is anyone who's ever...
Take a good song And make it better Remember To let it into your heart Then you can start To make it better Better Better Better Better Better Better Better Better Better Better And most people anyone's ever been in a Spider-Man movie ever? Ever? There's so many rumors. If you've been in a Spider-Man movie, you're rumored to be in Spider-Man 3.
Free. So good for you.
One, two, three. One, two, three.
That's a lot of quid. Free.
Zen. Spider-Man Zen.
All right. What have you got? I get knocked down.
But I get up again. You're never gonna keep me down.
I get knocked down. But I get up again.
You're never gonna keep me down. Drinking a whiskey drink.
I'm starting. Let's start fuckheads.
And a lager drink. Prince fucking Harry.
I'm starting Yannick and Gawkway. Everybody get out.
Get out there. Get out to vote for Yannick and Gawkway for Pro Bowl.
You get Yannick and Gawkway to Pro Bowl, right? Jaguars get a better pick. London Jaguars get a better pick next year.
But my London Jaguars better pick in the draft, ain't it? I'm sitting Russia. I'm sitting Russia.
The country of Russia. They've been banned for two years from the Olympics for using their name.
Fuck them. Fuck off, Russia.
Fuck off, you can't even use your fucking name in the Olympics. Fucking Russkies.
You're the fucking new R-Words. The Russian Washington football team is what I call you.
No, the Russian Washington football, football, football, football team. Football club, innit? Lick on me bullets, Russia.
My sleeper, sleeper, Josh Jacobs. Josh Jacobs played last night.
He played very well. Sleeping, he's a fucking twat.
He's been chuffing around on the Instagram stories. He owes Matthew Barry, and Matthew Barry's disciples proper, for his misuse of Instagram stories last week.
If you're going to act like a tot, we're going to put you in a pie, Josh Jacobs. That's what we say.
Congratulations on putting up proper numbers on Thursday Night Football, isn't it? Right. Right.
Right. Right.
Right. Right.
Right. I'm William Football.
My scum is James Harden. That fat fuck looks like he's had too many meat pies in the offseason.
Right. He banged us in the match.
Right. And a fat fuck.
Toed in the hole. Screpless.
When your lad gets fat like that, your crew's got to sit him proper. You've got to have a word with your mate and say, maybe take off the whiskey drink and the lager drink, stick to the cider drink and the vodka drink.
Screpless. My Sim is Tottenham.
Still Tottenham. They fucking suck.
Top of the table, my ass. They dodging trophies.
Fucking cunts. My sleeper is snow.
I fucking forgot how shite snow is. It's also wet.
Snow's a bit shite. It is real shite.
Gets you re-pucked up off the bottom mat, eh? Yeah. Yeah.
All right. Hi, it's Zachary Apocrombie.
My stardom is Mike Kosicki. My sit-em is...
No reason? What? No reason for Mike Kosicki. Mike Kosicki is sicky.
Oh, okay. He's sicky with the footy.
Well, that's a reason. He's in the footy.
That's a reason, isn't it? You know what an American foot is? It's your hand. Get it? Football.
Oh, my God.

Okay, because they're going to freak with their hands.

Oh, my sit-em is relegation.

Our relegation is an English word that's been thrown around by our English people.

Why don't you explain to us, you fucking boss?

Our sit-em is regulation that sucks in my sleep as chamomile tea.

Chamomile tea, yeah, yeah.

Give the same man the business with some Kevin Malte.

Respectable.

All right.

Fantasy lads.

Great to do a sing-along.

Feels good always to do a sing-along.

James Harden, that was a bad picture.

Fat boy.

That was a fat boy.

Fat boy, wait till tomorrow.

It might have been a bad angle,

but I choose not to look at any more angles of James Harden pictures. It's like the Eddie Lacy effect that we had from a couple years ago.
I choose to believe that James Harden is fat. And I say more power to him.
The eating your way out of town is a move that's underused. And if all else fails and you want to be traded, just put on a shitload of weight until people are embarrassed of you.
And then guess what? You can always lose the weight later. He is the top guy.
If you said to yourself, who are the guys that would just get super fat and demand a trade? It's basically James Harden and Joel Embiid. That's one and two.
You can maybe change them two and one, whatever it is, but they say, trade me. Oh, you're not going to trade me?

Okay.

Well, guess what?

I'm going to get super fat and then probably get injured, and then you're stuck with my fat ass.

But you know what?

James Harden was in the bubble for, I mean, not that long because the Rockets stink and got bounced.

But he was in the bubble.

And once you get out of that environment, of course you're going to eat a little bit more.

Yeah.

Of course you're going to enjoy the fruit.

It's like getting out of prison.

Oh, I don't just have to eat nothing but dry tuna fish sandwiches? Yeah, I'm going to eat lasagna every single night like I'm Garfield and it's a Monday in perpetuity. So, yeah, fuck it.
James Harden, good on you, getting fat. I just love the phrase eating your way out of town.
Yes. He is doing it.
Yeah. He is doing it.
Just macking his way to the East Coast. Yes.
All right. Let's get to a little college football championship weekend preview with our friend andy staples before we do that though all protein bars generally taste the same but not one bars one made protein bars are actually delicious with reese's and hershey's only one reese's peanut butter lovers protein bar is made with reese's peanut butter and only one hershey's cookies and cream protein bars is made with Hershey's cookie bits while delivering 18 grams of protein and three grams of sugar.
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Find all one bars at a retailer near you or on amazon.com. And now here's Andy Staples.
Okay. We now welcome on a good friend of the show, recurring guest, Andy Staples.
You can find him at Andy underscore Staples. You can find his writing on The Athletic.
He also has the Andy Staples show with friends, which is a great podcast, great podcast art. How come we've never been on that show? We're not friends.
Are we not friends? Yeah, we're not friends. Well, you know, we're trying to launch the friends, but you guys are welcome anytime you want.
In fact, you have now made a huge mistake because now I'm going to text you every time I can. I got mousetrapped.
I mousetrapped myself. I don't want it because you're going to tell me the Rose Bowl doesn't matter, and I don't want to get into that.
It's actually a great strategy on your part. The Rose Bowl is a perfectly nice place to watch a football game.
I don't want to hear that. But national championships matter.
Yes, they do. All right.
I have a lame take for you going into college football championship Saturday that will probably piss some people off of some fan bases, but that's what college football is about. But I am, for the first time, going into championship Saturday, I am rooting against chaos.
I do not want any chaos. I think the best four teams are very clearly Alabama, Clemson, Notre Dame, and Ohio State.
I do not want to talk about trash, Texas A&M, and their only good win being against Florida. I don't want to talk about Iowa State losing by 17 to Louisiana.
I like Cincinnati. I've been repping Cincinnati.
I don't think they're one of the best four teams. I don't want chaos.

Is that too lame to even say out loud?

That was pretty much the entirety of my Tuesday night show after the rankings came out.

We kept talking about it.

We were like, are we saying we want chalk?

Because that feels like a bad thing to say.

That feels like a stupid thing to say.

Because what's better than a chaos-filled championship Saturday?

I mean, I remember James Brown and Roll left to beat Nebraska in the first Big 12 championship game. K-State beating Oklahoma in that Big 12 game.
Just Michigan State beating Ohio State, the pizza scene on the golf cart after that. I mean, that's the sort of thing you want out of a championship Saturday, but you're absolutely right.
You don't want that this time because that's a really nice playoff. Think about those TV matchups.
We're not programmers, but Bama, Ohio State. Now, I think some stuff like three and four might find their way to get changed a little bit.
So maybe you get Bama, Notre Dame, Clemson, Ohio State. How pissed would Notre Dame be state how pissed would be so mad that would suck for notre dame fans if they were were undefeated all year beat clemson the regular season play in a championship game which they don't want to do because they don't want to be in a conference and then end up drawing bama on the playoff you know saturday or whenever it's played that for them.
It would. But for us to not have to watch the third installment,

unless it's the national championship game, it would be wonderful.

I'm not saying they should just flip those around if they want to,

but they should flip those around if they want to.

The ultimate chaos scenario would be for Notre Dame to beat Alabama,

and then for Clemson to beat Ohio State,

and then for Clemson to beat Notre Dame in the championship game.

Thank you. Alabama and then for Clemson to beat, uh, to beat Ohio state.
And then for Clemson to beat Notre Dame in the championship game, that would, that would be ultimate chaos. If when it comes to like rooting for a little bit of Notre Dame pain to get you through the winter time.
Well, that would be tremendous. The ultimate chaos scenario though, I think is, is not, well, it's pretty far fetched.
Okay. Notre Dame beating Clemson is not that far-fetched.
We've seen it happen once. So if that happens, somebody else is getting it, whether that's Texas A&M, well, it's Texas A&M probably, as long as they beat Tennessee, because I just can't imagine.
Like, Iowa State's sitting there at six, but even if they beat Oklahoma, are you going to put the team that lost to the Raging Cajuns in the playoff? Wouldn't it be Oklahoma, though? Wouldn't Oklahoma, Iowa State being six, is the fuel to get Oklahoma all the way up? I thought about that as the Oklahoma catapult. I just don't think they're thinking about it that way.
As soon as Kirk Herbstreet, and I like Kirk, got in front of the TV on Tuesday night, I think it was, and being like, Oklahoma's playing better than they have played in the last five years. I was like, oh, something's up.
This smells right now. They're already starting.
The Oklahoma is the incontingency because they don't want to have A&M go to the playoff and score seven points and get their fucking ass kicked. But here's my question.
If you're going to do that, why wouldn't you just make it USC? They're undefeated like Ohio State is. And if they beat Oregon, they're still undefeated.
Now, look, I've watched every USC game. I watched every blessed minute of the Arizona State game and the Arizona game.
As an old person, I love that they have a kicker named Parker Lewis who apparently cannot lose. But I just can't see this team playing as Alabama.
It would be a bloodbath. But if you're going to make a contingency plan, at least make it that one.
Not a team that's lost to Iowa State and K-State already. Yeah.
I think that we'd all be rooting a little bit harder for the chaos scenario if USC was further up there. It's looking at A&M and being like, if this is our option, then just give me normalcy.
We've had enough chaos surrounding this season. I'll take watching Christmas Story seven times on Christmas Day and then the four-team matchup of Alabama, Notre Dame, Clemson, Ohio State in the playoffs.
Give me a little slice of normalcy. That is our Red Ryder BB gun.
Absolutely. Yes.
I just can't stand. I feel like A&M is not that good.
I just really don't think they're that good. They've struggled with some bad SEC teams.
And that does matter to me. I know that's not how the committee always looks at it.
But the argument is State hasn't played enough games I get that but when they have played bad teams they've kicked the shit out of them and that matters to me right like that should matter whereas A&M beat Vanderbilt by five they they beat Mississippi State by 14 they were a pick six drop away from Auburn beating them not a good Auburn team So I just think A&M has not been as impressive as some of the other teams that we're talking about. I'm going to let you take this up with Casey Smith because I'm sure you've heard plenty about the Aggies in the office.
But, yeah, I'm with you on that. The thing is I think A&M has one path and one path only, and that is Alabama clobbers Florida and Notre Dame beats Clemson but the thing is if Notre Dame does beat Clemson I think they're gonna be in I think A&M would be in because I just can't picture who else they put in or now here's here's my question this we talked about this the other night I I struggled with this one because we're solely basing this on the eye test this year I mean look there look, there's no non-conference really, except that we know that the Sun Belt is better than the Big 12.
You've got to go all eye test. So if you're just using the eye test, two loss Clemson with two losses to the Notre Dame versus one loss A&M.
Dabo's got you compromised. This is.
You are reading Dabo's script. Dabo has a script on Saturday night.
I think Clemson is out. Yeah.
But I'm telling you right now, if I asked you guys, or if I asked somebody who makes the number, who's better, Clemson or Texas A&M, you know what they're going to say. Of course, Clemson will be favored.
This is the sheet that Dabo's going to – it's like a brick glass in case of an emergency. If he loses to Notre Dame somehow on Saturday night, his SID will hand him this sheet of paper and it will be all the talking points you just said.
All of a sudden, Dabo will become a big gambler guy. He'll become like the biggest believer in Las Vegas.
No, he'll do that.

For one night and one night only.

He'll do the – I think he did this.

Was it – it might have been Dabo who did it.

It might have been Saban.

No, it was Kirby Smart.

Yeah, it was Kirby Smart where he said,

ask them who they'd rather play, where that becomes the thing.

Like, hey, ask Saban if he'd rather play Clemson or text A&M.

That should be the deciding factor. This has always been my thing.
You've got to have this method of choosing number four if you don't know who number four is. You kidnap the coach of the number one seed.
As soon as the committee goes through, the way they do the rankings, it's like one through three, and then they move on to three through six. So as they got one through three and they've got you know alabama number one you press the button and the team swoops in and grabs nick saban they inject him and i'm sure there's some sort of formula that requires you to tell the truth you know oatmeal cream pies directly that's right little debbie cake and a coke and and you Coach Saban, we're trying to choose between Ohio State and Texas A&M.
Who would you like to play? And he's kind of gorked out. He's like, give me the Aggies.
And you go, all right, Ohio State's number four. Done.
It's the easiest way. Yeah, I like it too.
The only thing is he is so far into his own coach speak coach speak coach brain that he would probably say the team that he would rather not play as being the team that he would rather play against because he's gonna outthink the room he is nick saban can outthink a lie detector test i'm 100 certain about that yes but i do agree so i i want it to remain in this top four however it would be funny to see dabble freak out if he got leapfrogged, if Clemson dropped out. That's the only part that I could do.
Dabo has gone from this sympathetic figure, you know, former Alabama walk-on, folksy, aw shucks, to basically the captain of Starkiller Base, Grand Moff Dabo, and nobody gives him any sympathy anymore. He has no sympathy, but he thinks he's still that same guy from a few years ago.
So he will turn on the aw shucks as soon as that happens, and it's not going to land the way he thinks it will. Yeah, and he's a great coach, and he deserves everything.
He's obviously very, very good at what he does does but it gives me an enormous amount of joy to see him struggle to figure out reasons why he's being slighted week in and week out it is amazing because it was so easy for so long because you had Alabama and everybody was saying oh Alabama's the best team so the way Clemson beat Alabama in that national title game after the the 18 season because that Alabama team looked invincible and Clemson just crushed them. Now we can only think of Clemson as a team that could potentially crush everyone.
So he can't ever play that card again. He has screwed himself out of that.
So here's one that I had this discussion earlier this week, and I know the answer to it, but it doesn't sit right with me Florida beats Alabama Alabama's probably still in does that make any sense to you that makes no sense from just a going forward they got it's never happened a a team loses the conference championship actually happened in the in the BCS era but there were only two teams no but hold on but on. But Kansas State didn't go to the national championship game.
But Oklahoma did. Right.
But I'm saying Florida would not, most likely, and Bama would. So throw this out there.
Florida wins. Yeah.
Clemson beats Notre Dame. Ohio State trucks Northwestern.
Who are the four teams? So I thought this through. And initially I was like, okay, well, okay well that's easy Alabama's still in and then A&M gets in because A&M beat Florida right but then I'm thinking wait a second now you have a situation where all three of them beat each other yes where Bama beat A&M A&M beat Florida and Florida beat Alabama that's very similar to the 2008 Big 12 South scenario.
The difference is that Florida has that loss to LSU sitting in there too. But I think the committee, which the only thing they've ever been consistent about is they like good wins, which is one of the reasons I think Iowa State is where they are because they have a really good win against Oklahoma.
But what would be the best win anybody had? Florida over Alabama.

So I think they would just pick who they think are the two best teams out of Florida, Alabama, and A&M and put those teams in. And you're saying Ohio State would be out? They both have weak spots.
And so I'm going to, I'm just thinking through this here. If they just saw Florida beat Alabama, that recency bias may kick in.
And they go like, okay, well, we think Florida and Alabama are the best two of those three. So they're in.
So Ohio State would be out, you'd say? No, Ohio State would still be in. So that's my point is if Florida beats Alabama – Oh, yeah, no.
You're right. Ohio State would be out, that scenario.
Okay, so then that would be the death Of the college football playoff Because it would be the ACC SEC invitational Yes and if it Winds up being that way whether Ohio State Even if it's Northwestern winning in an upset And knocking Ohio State out If it's an ACC SEC Invitational we're going to see an 18 playoff sooner rather than later maybe that's the only chaos I'm rooting for. Yeah, that's what we should be rooting for because I think everybody wants to get to eight eventually.
I disagree, Andy. I think they would go Alabama, Clemson, Notre Dame, and Ohio State.
They would basically keep it that, and it would be wrong because Florida would have just beaten them, and that's where it would sit wrong. But is is florida deserving at that point it's a it's a good win but lest we forget yeah last week yes i know the shoe throwing losing losing to a team that you had no business losing to i mean that's got to matter too right so it's interesting because the point that you're bringing up it's like florida's best win would be over alabama but then that's also giving alabama credit for being like that's the best team and they beat them so how can you say that alabama shouldn't still be up there right because they're florida's best win and the best team at that point is going to be whoever wins clemson notre dame probably right at least in their minds for but okay let's say is there any possibility that the voters think to themselves like florida yes they should have blown out lsu they didn't they lost because some guy threw a shoe can we just in our own minds when it comes down to nut cutting time if florida beats alabama can they think let's just pretend that that dude did not throw a shoe 20 yards down the field and pretend that that was a win? You know, they say that they take everything into account, like they take injuries into account.
If they take shoe throwing into account, absolutely. And who knows? Maybe some of them believe Dan Mullen.
They believe it was a true football move. Right.
And look, so I got my shoe right here. It's a size 13 Nike.
It's not a size 14 like Marco Wilson threw. But, I mean, it was the right shoe, if I'm not mistaken.
It fits very comfortably in the palm of your hand. It wants to be thrown.
It does. When you get it in your hand like this.
So I really think he was – maybe Dan Mullen was right. He was just acting on instinct.
I think you should be allowed to throw a shoe.

I don't think that it should be against the rules to throw a shoe

of a person you just tackled if the

shoe comes off during the form

of the tackle. What if you took the shoe

off because it sort of was in the act

of tackling that he pulled his shoe off. I think

as he's tackling you should be allowed to

pull the shoe as you're tackling. After you hit the

ground and the whistle blows you can't take

the shoe off at that point but if it's off it's anyone's shoe and it's whoever's first so if there is an immediate recovery of the shoe you're allowed to throw it as far as you want immediate indisputable recovery of the shoe you can do whatever you can put it anywhere you want you can hide it if you're if if hold you holding a shoe survives contact with the ground yes can you still throw it yes yes it's your possession absolutely i i don't know why you're not allowed to throw a shoe survives contact with the ground. Yes.
Can you still throw it? Yes, yes. It's your possession.
Absolutely. I don't know why you're not allowed to throw a shoe, honestly.
No one's explained that to me yet. I'm supposed to wake up in the morning knowing that you can't throw a shoe.
What if you need it for the next play? That's part of the game. It's like throwing the ball out of bounds after a dunk and then kicking the ball after you dunk it in basketball.
Or Florida fans, as they know, Brandon Spikes had the interception return for a touchdown where he punted it into the stands. Right.
I believe they threw a flag on that. Delay a game.
Easy solve. The BCS, the BCS, NCAA loves money.
Have a shoe timeout. And you play a quick 20-second commercial.
You come back. Whatever shoe company sponsors that team gets to have that team right it has to be for the brand of shoe that was thrown and then 20 seconds later you run the play everyone's happy think about what nike missed out on by the way because of that fog in gainesville can you imagine the shot of the shoe just arcing through the air with that swoosh it would have been like take it easy the tournament the tiger one where you saw the nike swoosh on the ball as it fell into the cup.
It would have been perfect. So you've been Dabo and Revell in this interview.
Good job. Oh, God.
All right. You know, my dream is to box Darren Revell, by the way.
You know, if he wants to box Jake Paul, I want to box Revell. Yes.
I think that we could do it for he could he could place a giant bet on it he could hedge that bet if he wants to but that that's my dream so Darren if you're listening let's make this happen he is he always is yeah he always is yeah someone sends yeah someone clips it up yeah all right here's another one for college uh for for championship Saturday is there there any score that clemson can beat notre dame by that would keep notre dame out i would think it would have to be like four touchdowns or more and yeah so i was thinking about a lot and notre dame would have to basically score like seven points because it does yeah they'd have to look completely helpless and i just i don't think notre dame's built like that i think you look at the way they beat Clemson the first time, where they dominated both lines of scrimmage,

they shut down Clemson's run game.

That's the sort of thing that travels.

That's not, there was nothing fluky about the win the first time.

So that would really shock me if that was the result.

Yeah. Okay.

What is your favorite non-big game this weekend?

Coastal Carolina, Louisiana.

That game was unreal the first time. I'm going to put this out here.
I know he's not a fullback, but Coastal Carolina center Sam Thompson. He's 5'9", 290.
Yep. If he is not the epitome of the low man trophy, I don't know what is.
Yeah. I want him considered for that award this year.
Okay. Tell you what, we're doing the voting next week, so we'll be in touch to get your final three.
Then we'll have our short list at that point. Excellent.
We'll narrow it down. But I'm going to make an executive decision and say yes, he can be.
Beautiful. Yes, I'm going to allow him into at least the short list for the Lone Man Trophy if he gets enough votes.
Did you watch the Coastal Troy game?

I hate Coastal Carolina now.

They went from darlings of college football to I hate these guys because what they did

By scoring in 35 seconds when they absolutely needed to?

No, Andy.

By faking injuries for the entire second half of the game.

They did it literally on Troy's last drive.

You saw it.

It was fairly blatant. It was very blat yes you gotta you gotta do better than that that it's sort of like wasn't it Cal a few years ago where you could actually see the assistant coach on the sideline yes yeah I'll get down down I was almost like that it was it was uh land well there was Landon Dickerson the Alabama offensive lineman whoped in the lsu game yep it was sort of on that level of flopping yes and it was bad i just i i don't know that bothered me because troy was a live dog they were doing well and i just can't that that's bush league stuff i will tell you it bothered coastal carolina that they were playing troy in the first place because louisiana lafayette was sitting at home resting up for that game and you know the ACC is letting Clemson and Notre Dame chill meanwhile here's Coastal Carolina carrying the flag for the dang league they're like nah you're going to Troy Alabama the place that used to be called movie gallery stadium back when video stores were a thing that's pretty good I love I love the age of COVID for college football these storylines where, where like Tulsa, for example, they're playing Cincinnati this weekend.
Cincinnati's canceled on them twice. How do you handicap that? Because they canceled on them homecoming and senior night.
Right. So they got to be pissed.
They should, and yet they're two touchdown underdogs. Yeah.
Cincinnati thing, I mean, shouldn't Cincinnati be pissed? They started out as number seven in the first playoff ranking it's like oh we're actually going to give a group of five team a shot and then they don't play again they have not played since the saturday before that first ranking they beat ucf on that saturday they get ranked seventh and it's like all right we got a shot and now they haven't played since they gotta be furious yeah like i would try to beat tulsa by a thousand if i were them yes yeah and tulsa i mean tulsa is one of those weird teams they never die they've been in i've watched all their games they just like every time you think they're dead they come back from the dead and do something crazy andy i gotta talk to you about some sec coaching carousel news so the rock the rock at the university of tennessee in knville. The rock that said choose joy on it.
It was painted on there on I believe December 13th. Choose joy was written on the side of the rock where it said fire prove it fire prove it save UT football.
Hugh Freeze tweeted to one of his friends on December 16th. Choose joy.
My friend is Hugh freeze sending illicit messages this time in the broad daylights on Twitter, as opposed to with a burner phone. I was going to say that seems pretty explicit is, uh, is Hugh freeze sending these messages indicating that he's going to be the next coach at the university of Tennessee.
I think he'd like to be the next coach at the university of Tennessee. I think that's a job he's wanted for quite some time, probably since before he became a college coach, back when he was still a high school coach.
So I think that is, if that opportunity came available, he would jump at it. The question is, is Tennessee going to fire Jeremy Pruitt? And this game's interesting, and it's such an emotional sport.
Tennessee doesn't have a ton to play for right now. A&M needs to score style points, I guess.
I don't really know if it matters if A&M scores style points or not, but they're probably going to try to. And so if that game goes the way it probably should go, the Tennessee fans will be like, look, we've got to do something.
And Hugh Freeze can win there. He won at Ole Miss.
He beat Alabama twice at Ole Miss. Hugh Freeze can win at Tennessee.
He can get good players. He'll run an offense that will score a bunch of points, and that'll make Tennessee fans happy because they've been watching some pretty hapless offenses the last few years.
So if they decided to make that move, it would get them what they want. Yeah.
I mean, he, yeah, he, he would be a home run hire. I know that there's no such thing as a home run hire because Jim Harbaugh was a home run hire, but Scott Frost.
Yeah. There's a lot of home run hires.
I've, I was thinking about this, Andy, we have, you see all these contracts, you see the buyouts, Gus Malzahn's making what, $21 million to basically go away, right? $10.7 million due January 12th. Crazy.
I'm buying an island. So why hasn't a college football program done this? You see it with the incentives of you beat your rival, you get to the college football player, if you rank number one.
Why don't they do the reverse? Why has no team ever done that where they say, hey, Gus, if you lose to Alabama, that's a million dollars off your buyout. If you're under $500, that's $2 million off your buyout.
You know what I mean? That seems like a no-brainer to decrease these insane buyouts when all these teams end up holding the bag for a coach they don't want anymore well here here's the problem is so you guys follow every sport so you follow baseball so you know like value over replacement player the problem is most ad's can't recognize when they have a replacement level coach or when they have a special coach they all think they have a special coach if that coach just won like two games. So that's the issue.
Sometimes coaches have to or ADs have to say, you go ahead and walk. They just tell the agent, look, I know your guy thinks he needs five years on his deal to recruit, but I don't want to give it to him.
And if he'd like to go somewhere else, by all means, please go somewhere else and I will hire someone else. Your friend and mine,

Dana Holgerson, ran into this situation at West Virginia. Shane Lyons, AD, said, you know what?

If you think you can get a better deal somewhere else, go for it. And he got a better deal at

Houston and he left and West Virginia hired Neil Brown. And it seems like both parties are pretty

happy with the way it all turned out. Yeah.
what about uh university of texas so the the ad said herman's our guy he's coming back that to me screams replacement level or replacement level coach the the most vague way of saying he's our guy i mean it it was so vaguely worded like Like people had to call and say, you mean for 2021, not not for like tomorrow.

Right. And they said, yeah, for 2021.

OK, but so here's the deal with Herman.

If you're going to hire a sitting head coach after you fire Tom Herman, all told, you're talking between 30 and 35 million dollars.

There is nobody that guarantees you're going to get what you want.

Those are the things that you're going to get what you want. The one person out there who can do that.
This is actually Texas in a similar situation to A&M when they fired Kevin Selma, where it was go get Jimbo Fisher or else go get somebody with a, with a national title on his resume or else. And there was no plan B.
Well, plan B for Texas is keep Tom Herman because if you can't get Urban Meyer, who seems like he's staying at Fox, then there is nobody who guarantees what you want. So are you going to spend $35 million for someone who not only might not give you what you want, but might actually be a downgrade.
Right. That's the issue they have.

So when he put that out there, that statement,

that wasn't him just testing the waters and sticking his finger in the air being like, let's see what the boosters want.

I'm going to be a little bit vague about this.

He knows what they want.

They have been very loud in what they want.

They want someone who isn't Tom Herman.

But I think Chris Delcani is clapping back at them and saying, okay, then who? Mario Cristobal is staying at Oregon. He just did his extension today.
The board approved it. Are you going to hire Matt Campbell from Iowa State? He might not even want the job.
I mean, he's a Midwestern guy. If Michigan were to open, he'd be a really strong candidate for that job.
And also he's never had to recruit in the four-star, five-star arena. That doesn't mean he can't, it just means you don't know if he can or not.
You're going to go get James Franklin from Penn State. That's really expensive.
He had a bad year this year. It's really hard to sell anything at this point because you just can't get somebody who guarantees what you want yeah um i matt campbell i i love the idea of matt campbell maybe staying at iowa state and becoming like the bill snyder of iowa state uh is there any chance i have two more questions one's a pick but one is i really want luke fickle to go to michigan just because i feel like that would be hilarious he's ohio guy through and through and it be like, just that feels like it would give the rivalry some juice back.
I think they're going to keep Harbaugh, which might be the right move, but is there any chance that Luke Fickle would ever become a Michigan man? That, I don't know. It is the type of job I think he would take, and I think he'd be really selective about what he'd do, but I'm not sure if he could do it.
I'm not sure if it, that, that maze and blue might burn his skin. Yeah.
Like I, I envision that there's this, that he's got like a group text with Mike Grable and John Simon, where they're just like, you're, you're going to coach Michigan, dude. You're going to coach.
And he's like, no, no, no, no. Buckeye, man.
I'm a Buckeye. I just can't.
I can't picture it. Oh, that's what that's what would make it great.
All right. Final question for me brought to you by Cross Country Mortgage America's crazy good mortgage company.
Go to CCM lens dot com slash take to learn more about your future home buying experience or refinancing needs equal housing opportunity. Give us a pick that you like this weekend.
And also, uh, will by 30-plus? I do not think Alabama will win by 30-plus. I actually think we'll see a lot better game out of Florida than we saw last week.
Now, I don't think Florida's going to win, but I think you saw Florida at its worst not taking the game seriously. You will see them at best, taking the game seriously.
I just don't know that they are talented enough to beat Alabama. I'm worried about my Shanta clears here against the Raging Cajuns.
They went on the road and beat them, and that was tough. But Billy Napier is a hell of a coach.
It's a three-point spread. It's at Coastal.
It's on the surf turf. So that means that Vegas basically thinks they're even if they play at a neutral site.
So I'm going to go with the Raging Cajuns on this one. Okay.
I like that pick. I like that pick.
I think Coastal kind of won their Super Bowl against BYU, which was one of the game of the year. It was unbelievable, and I never ever want to hear a college AD tell me that we need 10 years to schedule a game.
It was awesome. They scheduled that game on two days' notice.
It was like, hey, y'all in Provo, you want to drive all the way across to Conway, South Carolina in your BYU semi and play a football game? They're like, sure, why not? I mean, it was straight up Blues Brothers Mission from God stuff. So, yeah, if you can do that, you can schedule a game nine months out.
Well, now, in defense of the other side, BYU probably wouldn't want to do that again because they lost and they were 10-point favorites. Listen, the things it does wait that's the problem there's like a magic eye poster that you happen to be playing football yeah but that's the problem though it takes two to tango and i feel like there there are so many there's a million reasons why like these big teams and byu's not one of the power five teams will say no to something like that see i think te A&M like Ross Bjork the AD at Texas A&M because of this you know the the view you have of the Aggies I would be like listen Ohio State Michigan don't want to play you come on down to Kyle Field or we'll come to Columbus let's get this done yeah last week that's that's what was what should have happened now would Ohio State accept accept that no because it wouldn't help them at all but the challenge should be made and then everybody can make fun of them for ducking it yeah yeah yeah although i do like the the tweets that are like in 2042 uh like texas christian is going to be playing oregon state yes i love those i really hope i'm not it gives me still working that it gives me comfort just know that other people are planning on the world existing in 22 years.
So maybe I should do the same. I feel like you got the right outlook, PFT.
I don't think you should look past, I don't know, like six days from now. Yeah, that's a good point.
All right. Well, thank you, Andy.
We're rooting against chaos, even though if there is chaos, we'll enjoy it. A little bit of chaos as long as A&M doesn't benefit from the chaos.
Yeah. Yeah.
I just don't want to see A&M get killed by Alabama. Like, that just doesn't appeal to me whatsoever.
Yeah, unfortunately my whole flip 3 and 4, there's no way you can justify doing that if A&M's 4. I know.
Right. I just don't want to see like a dude perfect hype video for the playoff system.
It's going to be just salt in my wound. Yes.
Yes. All right.
Well, everyone check out Andy's podcast, Andy Staple and Friends, and you can find him on Twitter, on The Athletic. Thank you, Andy.
We appreciate it, man. Thank you, gentlemen.
Thanks, Andy. Okay.
Before we get to Tiffany Thiessen, a quick word from our friends.

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All right, back to part of my take. All right, here she is, Tiffany Thiessen.
And now for something completely different.

Okay, we now welcome on a very, very, very special guest. I got four various.
Yes, very. Tiffany Amber Thiessen, she has a new show out called Deliciousness on MTV.
We're going to run this the week that it comes out. Very excited for the show let's talk about the show we have all we have a bunch of different questions just for background pft and i are both 35 years old so you can do the math say by the bell was very important to our childhood but i want to talk about deliciousness because food is more important to me at this point in my life uh what i can i can tell you've grown up because it's more important to me too yes yes exactly your priorities shift uh so deliciousness you well you're a foodie to begin with you you've hosted food shows do you have a cookbook as well i do i have a cookbook that came out a few years ago i had a show that was on um on cooking channel and food network for a few years called dinner tiffany's and now i've got this so what can we expect from Deliciousness? Because I read it.
I watched the trailer. It's going to be like Rob Dyrdek's Ridiculousness.
I want to get on it. I want to find a way to get on it.
So it is technically literally a spinoff of Ridiculousness, which is exactly why I was sold on it because my husband is a massive fan of Ridiculousness. So he's like, if you don't do this show, we're going to have a problem.
So I signed up right away. I was totally in for it.
The fact that it is all food related for me, um, made it like perfect for myself. And, um, I have never laughed so much on a job ever.
Um, I'm surrounded by really funny people. Um, we have, we have a blast watching people do really stupid things, whether it's at a restaurant, in their own kitchen, or just drinking way too damn much.
So I like the idea that a lot of cooking mishaps, I imagine like around Thanksgiving, you'll get a lot of deep fried turkeys being dropped in completely frozen. That's always funny to me for some reason, like even though it's a guy basically setting off a bomb in his backyard, I always laugh when I see a turkey mishap.
I laugh at anybody failing because it makes me feel more normal, right? Because we all fail sometimes. And I feel like even now this year with the pandemic and people at home, I think people are more at home cooking that don't normally cook.
And I can't imagine the amount of videos that we're going to get for next season, just because everybody's home doing stuff that they don't normally do in the kitchen. Yes.
Yes. So I'm, I'm, I'm very excited for this show has, so your career looking at the whole thing, have you had a moment where you've looked back and been like, cause you know, we know the history of child stars.
You were a little bit more than a child store star, but sometimes it doesn't go well. You feel, It feels like you've had a great rest of your career and also like a normal, you know, Tiffany Amber Thiessen is a normal mom, wife.
Tiffany Thiessen. Yeah, Tiffany Thiessen is a mom, wife, all these things.
Have you looked back and been like, wow, credit to me for being able to navigate that because the numbers were stacked against me. Um, you know, I don't know if I technically do that, but I definitely feel very blessed that I've been able to continue working.
I mean, I say that because that in itself, the fact that I've still been able to work and make a living at what I've been loving doing in my career my whole life, that is huge for me. You know, I come from a very, you know, normal sort of family in my terms, like, you know, my parents are still married, and I married a pretty normal guy from Texas.
And, you know, like, but again, what does normal mean, right? Like, I don't even know what that means, really, except that I just try to like, live a fun, filled, fun, easy life. And, and, and I've been, I've been very fortunate and, knock on wood it hasn't all been perfect i mean of course i've had my um my jobs that didn't go my way or i've had uh jobs that i wanted really bad that i didn't get i mean it's just that's life though right yeah yeah why did you decide to uh drop amber from the name was that like a conscious decision where you wanted to start getting a different role or you wanted to lose any sort of association with the work that you'd done in the past? It's funny.
It had nothing to do with me personally. I'd always gone by all in that full name since I was little.
But my agent at the time when I was transitioning from, say, by the bell, and I had just gotten into 90210, and right at there during that time she felt like it would just be smart of me to drop the amber um and just go by tiffany fason so i went what she said and that's what i did and my husband actually makes the joke all the time that he's taken it so he's actually greedy yes smart smart i read that um i was catching up on on some of your later here. You were in a Hallmark miniseries called Pandemic where you defeated the Riptide virus in Australia.
How funny is that? Yeah. Do you have any, first of all, where were you? Have you eaten any bats recently? And then follow up question.
Did you learn anything from doing that movie where you're looking at today in America and you're like, we could really learn from my character in 2007?

I know, right?

No, sadly, I did not learn anything.

But I did go back and look at those pictures, which was really funny, and figured, hey, if I had that costume, it would be such a great Halloween costume this year.

But I shot that mostly here in Los Angeles, weirdly enough.

I remember it had French Stewart was my partner in crime in that movie. Great guy.
Funny, funny guy. Love him.
And Faye Dunaway was in the movie. How crazy is that? Yeah.
Yeah. You saw into the future.
The Riptide Virus. I feel like that.
Everybody's been watching those old. What was other one called breakout was that outbreak outbreak that's it yeah the monkey yeah they had to bomb the city in california watching all these crazy movies yes i think that if they call the coronavirus something more scary like the riptide virus and had a person with australian accent talked about it we'd take it more seriously like coronavirus that sounds easy the publicity of COVID is not as as good as if it had a better name it needs to have a name like we're gonna fucking kill everybody on the planet type virus yeah and i think people would take really pay attention to please be careful people actually start wearing a mask yes yes um this is kind of a weird question but was it like did you consciously know at a certain point in time in the 90s that like, I don't know, 95% of young boys had a crush on you? Like more than a crush, like you are the center of our lives.
Yeah. Not weird.
Not weird, right? No, I mean, you know, not weird now. I mean, I guess it's part of my sort of past.
And I don't think I really realized it during it. It wasn't until, and I do remember, it wasn't until Mark Paul and I, who played Zach, would actually, they started getting us to travel around the country.
And then we actually ended up going to Europe to do like those mall signings, like, you know, like what new kids on the block was basically doing at the time. And so we were doing these mall signings.
And I think it wasn't until then that I realized the impact of the show itself, because I would see how girls were with him. And then I would see how boys were with me.
And that was really kind of the turning point of like, oh, this is kind of weird this is kind of crazy you him and then I would see how boys were with me and that was really kind of the turning point of like oh this is kind of weird this is kind of crazy you know and then the fan mail started getting a little creepier and you know sorry about that I probably sent something yeah can I have my shoes back exactly and then like I also remember like then transitioning into 90210 and then playing a role that wasn't as like sweet and i remember like again sort of that next sort of sort of wave of of different sort of fans that have kind of grown up with me but also older ones and then i remember like that sort of conversation that i remember people were like, Howard Stern's talking about you.

And I'm like, huh?

You know, like it's definitely evolved, you know, into different sort of ways in my career, you know, depending on what I was doing. I also think that and this is just a theory based on just my own brain, but the name Kelly Kapowski was a hot name.

And then when you find out that the actress is tiffany amber

theason you're like wait that's even a hotter name what like i i remember being like my name

was that hot but maybe just because just because it was hyphenated do you think i think tiffany

and amber it was just like oh my god this is crazy like this is the hottest name ever so i think that

also got people like because usually

like if your name was ruth or dorothy people are like ah yeah okay kelly kapowski's hot but you know dorothy whatever dorothy theason who cares tiffany amber that was hot like that was big time hot well thank you sorry to be a creep i will tell my mother i just had to tell my daughter to get out of the room.

Yeah.

I will tell my mother

that you approve.

Okay.

Good.

Good.

Do you ever run

into a Thank you. Sorry to be a creep.
I will tell my mother. I just had to tell my daughter to get out of the room.
Yeah. I will tell my mother that you approve.
Okay. Good.
Do you ever run into people who are like, who expect you to be married to Zach in real life? Yes. And that's so funny to me.
Like my, this is a funny story. So when my, my, when I got engaged to my husband and we then got married, my father-in-law, right, had hats made for the entire party.
Like he's from Texas, right? He's from Houston. And the entire party, because he had read an article saying, who the hell is Brady Smith? She should be marrying Zach Morris, right? So he had actually hats made for all his dude friends that are in the wedding that said, the hell is brady smith for our wedding because of that very thing that people were like why isn't she marrying that yeah yeah the funny thing is though mark paul and my husband have like this sort of romance going that super exceeds any sort of relationship that i had with mark paul being like truly he's like a brother to me.
But they love each other so much, it's kind of scary. Well, I would probably like, if I had the chance to be friends with Zach Morrissey, I'd be like, we'd grow out.
I'm a Mario Lopez guy. Oh, okay.
You're a Mario Lopez kind of guy? I'd be like, get out of here. I'd be fell by the hair.
I'd be fell by the hair, yeah. Is it weird knowing that you grew up on TV, even past Sav past saved by the bell but like is it do you watch yourself back do you ever are you able to do that i mean of course i'm able to do it do i want to hell no so you're not able like i wouldn't be able to do that yeah i have other things in my time that i would much rather do than watch old episodes of saved by the bell so have your kids done it yet like have your kids started to watch it and you're like oh here we go yeah not my youngest of course he's only five but my daughter has watched just like a few episodes of the first of the first season um and i have to be honest it didn't it didn't pique her interest i mean she laughed because she saw me at her kind of like a little bit older than her but um but i don't think it's the tv that they would want to watch right now i mean the stuff that they get on netflix is much more engaging than the shit that that was you know like you think about it that show would not stand up today i don't think so i i think the episode with jesse would still stand up that to me the episode where she got hooked on trucker pills that's one of the top three television.
That's Kids with Adderall today. That literally is looking into the future.
I'm so frightened. I'm so scared.
I'm so excited. I'm so excited.
I'm so scared. I mean, goosebumps.
You talk about goosebumps. Yes.
What is your favorite thing to cook? Oh, gosh. I don't know if there's a favorite.
I mean, I get requests all the time. I feel like I'm an actual, you know, chef at a restaurant with my family half the time that this is what they want this night.
This is what they want that night. I'm like a short order cook.
But, you know, pizza is definitely one homemade pizzas are always on the list for my kids. My husband, again, from Texas, he always wants some sort of meat smoked on the on the smoker.
You know, he's got a, you know, he's always wanting he's always wanting something that way. I'm trying to think of what else.
Like enchiladas, that's a big one. That's always on the list.
You need a famous dish. So that's what you need.
I need a famous dish? Well, you just need to say it's your famous dish, and everyone will be like, oh, my God. Yeah.
You haven't had Tiffany's famous dish? Tiffany's Taco sounds pretty good. That pinpoints me to only cook one thing.
I cook things. I'm multi-talented.
But when you say it's a famous dish and then everyone eats it, they have to like it. You were basically incepting them.
If you do another cookbook, throw in a famous dish. Just a little tip.
How about this? How about Tiffany Amber Venison? And then you just cut a whole shitload of deer. I don't know if I'd want to eat that.
What have you done that would get you on your own show? Ooh. Good question.
Like in deliciousness, what have you done in the kitchen? You thought I was saying like, who do you think you are? No. What have you done? No, no, no Sorry.
I didn't, I didn't understand it. Um, I mean, I've had my food fails for sure.
I've had a couple of times that I've had a little too much, uh, bourbon, you know, at a, at a sushi tasting that I remember my husband having to rip my pants off of me because I didn't know where I was. I thought I was with my husband.
Um, mean, there's quite a few. Thankfully, none of them were on video.
I mean, I've set fire to a dish before. Thankfully, I kept my eyebrows.
There's been a time where nothing in my kitchen was working, so I had to use my neighbor's kitchen for Thanksgiving. I mean, I have millions of stories.
Where do you want to go? Yeah. You should have Salt Bae on the show.
Remember him? That guy that would just walk out and do the spring. Oh, it's canceled? This guy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you looking out for- No, there isn't a theory to that.
You guys do know there's a reason why he does that, right? Because it looks awesome. wants to not because it just looks awesome if you actually salt your stuff too close your salt and pepper tend to only go in that one specific direction if you go up higher it actually falls so it actually seasons your meat much more evenly i thought it was just a show off and it looks cool yeah it's an added bonus i thought He may have liked a little bit more for show, but actually there is a reason for it.
He opened up a restaurant here in New York, and we have obviously world-class restaurants, including Great Barbecue here. But the one place that I really want to go is the Salt Bae's restaurant and just have him walk out.
He can sprinkle salt on an empty plate for me. Give me a bill for $500, and I'll leave happy.
And you would take yeah i'd absolutely take it i'm starting to i'm starting to understand more and more about you during this interview yeah big weird yes um you also so just a tip because we live online you need to be ready for fakes yeah you need to be ready for fakes for people who are trying to fake you guys out because that's going to start happening yeah um well here's the thing there's a disclaimer that happens on the show because I have to do the VO for it every single time. That says you cannot actually put, you can't actually submit videos.
You're not allowed to. We have to find them.
So I think they're pretty legit about the videos that they find. Okay.
We should actually put Billy trying to cook a steak out there. That's out there.
He pours beer on everything. Yeah, our intern's the worst cook ever.
Really? Yeah. Oh, poor guy.
I got to help him out. Yeah, he's really, really bad.
So we'll... He likes to let the meat talk.
So what that means is he doesn't season anything. He doesn't believe in salt.
He rinses his meat before he puts it. Is this a single guy? Yeah, he lives in a barn.
Does he actually have a wife or a girl? No wife. No.
He's got a couple chickens and some frogs that we won't discuss. Yeah, he lives in a barn.
If he wants to change that, he should learn how to cook. Good tip.
We can definitely very easily get Billy on deliciousness. Great tip.
I'm going to read a quote for you. Can you tell me if it's creepy or not? This was written by

I don't know, like a 32-year-old man.

He said,

Are these all recent?

This is somewhat recent, like a year old maybe?

Okay.

He wrote,

America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers.

It has been erased like a blackboard,

rebuilt and erased again.

It reminds us of all that once was

good and could be good again kelly kapowski did just that some things are bigger than sports and

your first crush will always be on that list i think it ends sweet okay i'm a little first i'm

a little like where is he going and then he ends very sweetly so i'm gonna say he's okay what was

the part about tanks rolling across america he also so this same writer who's a co-worker of ours

I'm sorry. is he going and then he ends very sweetly so i'm gonna say he's okay what was the part about tanks rolling across america he also so this same writer who's a co-worker of ours uh actually in the in in maybe the greatest written series of all time he ranked all the saved by this uh bell episodes uh corresponding to their tears and steakhouses oh really yes so like you take an episode then you're like that's the outback steakhouse episode okay take it and it's peter lugers so maybe that's a perfect we need to maybe have that breakdown that could be on deliciousness yeah that's interesting so he takes every episode and relates them to an actual meat sort of it's a yes it's a very confusing ranking system.
Very confusing. I'm utterly confused, as you can see.
Yeah, because, again, like the steakhouses, those are subjective too. Right.
So one person might be like, I love Outback, and I hate Ruth's crisp, but he put the Outback episode in the amphetamine one. Yeah, that's very confusing.
It's very tough to do. I had

one last question for you. So everyone should go watch

Deliciousness. Tiffany

Thiessen is an American legend.

I love you for life. Not in a creepy way.
Sorry about

that if that was creepy, but I love you

for life.

Is it true that Mr. Belding

once sat on his balls and you guys had to

stop production? God. That's my husband laughing, by the way.
You got him to laugh. I've never heard this story.
Oh, it's famous on the internet. Maybe it was the day that I wasn't shooting my scenes.
I hate to do this. I hate to ruin the surprise, but it was Mr.
Belvedere. Oh, it was? Not Mr.
Belvedere. Yeah, Mr.
Belvedere. All right, so did Mr.
Belvedere do you know anything about Mr. Belvedere? A different older guy that was balding.
Okay, got it. I thought it was Mr.
Belvedere. Have you just like running in Hollywood circles going all these A-list parties? Have you heard? Clean up that question.
That Mr. Belvedere sat on his balls and they had to suspend taping? No, but I do hear that's what happens with you men as you get older is your balls start to sag.
Yes. Is that easy to do? I sit on my balls three times a day.
I don't have balls. You have to tell me.
Oh, man. All right.
So I was wrong, but for some reason, that was a Berencene Bears thing. Why did I think it was Mr.
Belvedere? Belvedere building, it's easy to have. It is very similar.
It was also during the same time.

Those shows were both around

the same time. Now you've got a great anecdote

if you ever meet Mr. Belvedere.

We also got a definitive answer.

I don't know if he's still around.

I think he was older. That's

actually something to look up on.

We have a definitive answer that Mr.

Belding never sat on his balls stopping

production of Saved by the Bell. I'm not saying that he's never sat on his balls.
I'm just saying I don't know about him. Mr.
Belvedere, he's definitely got to be dead. I hope not.
What is his name? What was his name? I think it was just Mr. Belvedere.
I think it was a true story. It was a documentary.
What the hell was Mr. Belvedere's name? I'm trying

to find it out. Mr.
Belvedere.

IMDB. You can usually

figure it out. Yeah, I don't know why.

Mr. Skin.

Oh, here. When did Mr.
Belvedere die?

2001.

Been dead for a really long time.

I didn't think he was still around.

Yeah, August 2001.

Actually, not a bad time to leave. A lot of shit went bad after that that's true yeah kind of a good time to bounce out yeah all right mr belvedere legend to the end um all right well i'm excited for the show this has been a thrill if i could go back and talk to like 10 year old self he'd be like what the hell did you just do so again not creepy i wish you had like just a tip like next time tell us your husband's in the room because he's kind of like he's kind of cock blocking us here well no i know he's cock blocking you i'm sorry it actually depends he's total fans and so he's actually more interested in just listening and laughing with you guys than he is checking up on me i promise okay awesome all right we'll tell him what up and we could chill sometime yeah tell him uh what is it who the hell what's up who the hell is brady smith what's up there's brady smith dude um what's up your wife is cool are you wearing a shirt with your wife's face on it yeah you are that's a simp move yeah i can't believe you married that simp i would never simp that hardp that hard.
He's always trying to wow me. This is what's so funny.
I just did an interview for Entertainment Tonight and they had him interview me because of COVID and all this kind of stuff. This is what he walks out wearing.
I love it. I love it.
You can find it. That's got to be convenient though.

That's got to be super convenient for you to be married to somebody that has their own merch out there.

So you can just go out and buy that

anywhere online. Normally, yes, but

he actually had this made.

You can put anybody's face on it.

That's what's cool about it.

They just Photoshop a face on there.

Next interview, I'll

have your faces on a t-shirt. Yeah, I was going to say, pretty presumptuous of you to think, I don't own that shirt already.
Come on, dude. I think you probably still got a T-shirt with my face on it in your pile.
You may have donated it to Goodwill. Yeah, there you go.
40 years ago. All right.
Well, thank you, guys. Appreciate it so much, and good luck with the new show.
Yeah, of course. Thanks for having me.
It was fun. All right.
Thank you. See ya.
My life break in the normal, boring interviews today. There we go.
That's our favorite thing to hear. Wait.
We're keeping this in. Who else has interviewed you? We'll delete any of the names that you send.
I know. I won't tell you who interviewed me.
You do know about ET, but that's it. Yes.
Yes. Okay.
All right. Thanks so much.
See ya. Thanks, guys.
Tiffany Thiessen was brought to you by our great friends at-'re going to get right back to the show. At the University of Arizona Online, we bring a top-ranked education to you.
We offer 150-plus programs, 100% online. Expand your career opportunities by earning a degree that meets you right where you are.
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All right, back to part of my take. Okay, let's wrap up.
We got fire fest of the week. Billy killed his chickens.
I didn't kill my fucking chicken, bro. That's not even funny.
That's not funny, dude. Hank, what, uh...
We saw... I saw a headless chicken inside of a box.
No, it's... Basically, a raccoon got into my chicken.
How do you know what it was if you weren't there? Because raccoons... Because raccoons rip the heads off chickens and then, like, leave the bodies.
That's like... Kind of like Jay Cutler.
That's why I knew why i knew what it happened right so you basically left your chicken out to get eaten by a raccoon like so that you could be like hey guys remember the jay cutler song no so he could be like this is if i did this to a chicken yeah imagine what i could do to jay paul yeah i killed my chicken for yeah you saw that jay paul is a master troll and he only followed conor mcgreg's wife and your chicken on Instagram. And you're like, I'll one-up you, bro.
No, but I definitely am going to be looking for whatever killed this chicken. It might be like...
It could be a fish or cat, which is really cool. It is like when OJ wrote the book, like, you know...
If I did it, yeah. If I did it.
If I was really... Guess what? You can find the chicken killer by looking in the mirror.
Anyway. I didn't kill my chicken for everyone at home.
Like, that's fucked up'm not like hopefully people don't think i'm actually oh yeah that's right because you're a vegan right so you would never do that but the bat okay that's different wait but also let's not talk about that because that's highly illegal what you have bats killing bats is extremely illegal after what they cocoa? I feel like it should be encouraged to kill bats.

No, they're endangered.

And they're actually really good for the insect population.

Okay.

Like to keep it down.

So like, no mosquito bites.

Well, you can't get mosquito bites if you're locked down because of pandemic, which also was the bats.

That's fucking extra level.

Schrodinger's bat.

What about the trash panda?

I mean, I'm going to, I think in New York state, you can kill raccoons. No, you don't have to kill raccoons.
You can just have a heart trap them and move them. But in some states you actually have to kill them if you catch them.
Anyway, a chicken got killed. I'm also still looking.
A chicken was killed. That's an excellent use of the passive voice.
A chicken lost his head. Knives out too.
A chicken has been murdered. You know what? There's probably footprints in the snow because he killed a guy.
That's where Jesus was carrying the dead chicken away. Oh, that's weird.
Billy, you're wearing cowboy boots today. Because it's snowing.
You're not wearing your regular shoes. Because it's snowing.
Huh. This is the first time I haven't seen you wearing those shoes that probably have the footprints in the snow.
No, I didn't kill my chicken. I didn't kill my chicken.
That's weird that you'd choose today of all days to have a different pair of shoes on. Because it's snow and there's a foot of snow.
Do you have a BB gun? There's a foot of snow. What? Do you have a BB gun? I have a pellet gun.
What's the difference between a pellet gun and a BB gun? The shape of the pellets. Please tell me you just at least shot the chicken before you decapitated it.
No, I didn't kill the chicken. Did you eat the chicken? It's humane.
Anyway, I'm definitely going to be getting it. Or did the chicken die in vain? Well, I'm going to find the raccoon.
Is it true the chicken runs with its head cut off? I don't know. I wasn't there.
Was its head next to its body? I'm going to be honest. I found the head in a different place than the body.
Oh. Okay.
The head was next to the chicken. The body was halfway across the thing.
Wouldn't your chicken want for you to have eaten it after it died for gains? I actually, the chicken body's frozen solid and I left it outside so that whatever did it comes back for it. So I can see what did it.
You will go home tonight. And I will try to find footprints.
No, that would be whatever did it coming back for it. Oh.
Anyway, I didn't kill my chicken.

Like, that's fucked up.

Yeah, yeah, that's fucked up.

All right, FireFest.

The fact that you suggest that's fucked up.

I didn't suggest that.

Like.

Other people did.

I'm just reading the internet.

It actually happened.

Like, I did, like, stage a chicken.

What actually happened?

You killed it?

No, like, the chicken.

Cut this part.

I didn't kill the chicken.

Okay.

It's funny how you put up way more of a fight to accusations that you killed your chicken

as opposed to the ones that you fingered your frog. Right.
Like, no one believes. So which one? The first one's ridiculous.
It's got to be one or the chicken. It's funny how you put up way more of a fight to accusations that you killed your chicken as opposed to the ones

that you fingered your frog.

Right.

Like no one believes.

So which one?

The first one's ridiculous.

It's gotta be one or the other.

What?

I fingered my frog.

Yep.

Okay.

So you didn't kill your chicken.

Nope.

There we go.

See?

Frog fucker.

Yeah, but no one would believe that.

You just admitted to it.

Anyway.

In this crazy world.

I'd love to have Billy

like be interrogated for real. In this crazy world of the internet, like, people actually might think that someone would do that, which is fucked up.
I can see Billy admitting to a murder after a solid, like, hour and a half. Yeah.
But would I be... 45 minutes in advance.
What I didn't do. A vanilla milk and just give me a dumbbell.
Yeah. All right.

Yeah, you know what, guys?

You've been nice to me.

I'll tell you everything. You guys seem cool.

All right.

Hank, you didn't kill your chicken.

I agree.

Okay.

Thank you.

Hank, Firefest.

Yesterday, I was on the train on the way into work.

On Wednesdays, we come in early.

As you guys know, I'm not a morning person per se.

I was zoned.

That's putting it lightly.

I was on the train and I was- I would love to know what you think the words per se mean per se all right no i'm thinking i'm thinking what do i think the word per se means uh i think the way that means like as a person as other people say i don't know per se i like it as as as one. What does it mean, Mr.
fucking grammar teacher? I'm just saying, that's actually a great definition. Per se is handy when you need to single out a particular element of a bigger thing.
So you might say, the song, per se, wasn't a bad choice. It was your singing voice that was atrocious.
Wait, so he used it correctly. It's by itself.
It's not S-A-Y. Billy.
It's Latin, right? He used it correctly. It's not.
It was good. Yeah, it was fine.
It was fine. It's S-E.
You're not a morning person per se. There are other morning people out there.
You're not one of them. Not at all.
Anyway, I was on the train. I sound like Billy there with anyway.
Anyway. Legitimately.
Legit. I was on the train and anyway, I was zoning out, listening to music.

My train had stopped.

I didn't realize it until like it was stopped for like 15 minutes.

And I looked up, I was like, oh, I must be at my stop soon.

Realized it had been stopped for a long time.

Took my headphones out.

And then it was like, oh, you know, we'll be delayed.

We should be getting on shortly.

And so at this point I was like probably like five or 10 minutes away from being late.

But I was like, they said it'll be shortly.

Waited another 10 minutes. And then it was still like, yeah, we're delayed.
We should be going shortly. Waited another ten minutes, and then I realized that we were just stuck, and I had to get out, get a cab.
I was late. It was an issue, and I was just zoned out.
So the good rule of thumb in New York is if you see anybody doing something on public transportation, you follow that. You follow everybody else because Because I've done that where I'm like, I'm smarter than everyone.
I'm going to stay in this train because it's bound to get going real soon. And then I end up looking like a jackass as everybody gets on a better, faster train.
So just go with the flow. Be a limbing.
Well, that was the thing. I was zoned out.
I was looking at my phone. I looked up and everyone was gone.
I was like, oh. What were you listening to? I was listening to music.
Caller Daddy, probably. No.
I don't listen to podcasts. It's tough to stand up wearing sweatpants if you've been listening to Caller Daddy.
Catch my drift. Glock, glock.
All right. PFT, your fire fest? Billy just got it.
My fire fest is my back hurts. I fucked up my back.
I woke up on Wednesday morning and couldn't really stand up, couldn really move uh it's a sign when you once you turn like what's your turn i did first hurt my back when i was 27 once you turn 27 it just your body goes to shit so i couldn't stand up i couldn't move um the only way that is really comfortable right now is laying down on my stomach on the floor so that's not fun that's how i've been spending my nights not fun I'm starting to get the shooting pain down my right leg. It's not fun.
It's not good. And I don't know what – I can't go to a doctor now because every doctor is busy shooting people up with 5G.
Yeah. So I don't know.
I think I just got to gut this one. I've been taking muscle relaxers at night.
Where's the herd? Lower back? Lower back, right. You probably have a bulging disc.
that like a pro. Mm-hmm.
Well, I have one too. Yeah.
That goes away. That's one of those phrases that every sportscaster has fucked up at one point saying bulging disc.
Mm-hmm. So, I don't know what to do.
It's going to be a long December. You have to start stretching, like all the time.
So, that's probably the worst part, is I've asked people for advice. It's all stretching.
It seems that in order to make yourself feel better and have this not happen again, you have to do a lot of work. I want to just like take a pill or put a patch on or just have somebody be like, don't do this exercise anymore and have it be fixed.
But it's like, no, you have to actually exercise and do things with your body to make your body not hurt anymore which is

it sucks it really sucks it's been a

shitty two days

you gotta do abs in the future

is that gonna affect you on the

Jenga court yeah

I'm probably gonna have to do the Larry Bird

and lay down on my stomach in between turns

yeah like it's this has been the longest

that I've sat up erect

since this has happened it sucks

it's the fucking worst back Back injuries are the worst. I had Billy walking on my back like he was Lucy Liu.
No. You shouldn't have him do that.
Just rubbing CBD on my spine. Don't have him walk on your back.
I didn't follow him. You probably have a muscle.
It's a muscle thing, not a skeletal thing. I think it's a skeletal thing.
If it's your lower back and everything you described sounds like a disc. But the sciat, is the disc not part of the skeletal? No, the disc, a bulging disc basically hits the nerve.
Okay. So you have to do stretches.
It will slowly go down, and then it will be with you for the rest of your life. Why can't I just take drugs? Yeah.
All right. My HGH.
That's true. Okay.
Billy, are you serious? Give him some HGH. Okay.
For my back. Mine is, I already alluded to it, but Billy convinced me I had COVID on Sunday.
It sucked. Yeah, I'm sorry about that.
That's okay. I had food poisoning, and I told him I had food poisoning.
I puked twice, and then I was fine on Saturday night, and Billy was like, oh, you puked? But you said the Chinese food, the only reason I said you said the Chinese food was good. No, I didn't say it was good.
You said the other people who ate it didn't get sick. You were the only one who got sick and you also were forgetting things.
I forgot my password at two in the morning to my computer that I then got up and took a piss and came back and got it right. That was freaky.
So it was like all those little COVID signs. So, it was like all those, like, little COVID signs.
Yeah, but you

diagnosed me hard before

that. Now I've been, I've been walking around

with a fucking thermometer in my pocket

all week, just taking my temperature

every day. 97.9.

No big deal. Cold-blooded.

Yeah. Billy also said

muscle aches and back aches are a sign of COVID. Maybe we

should get a different doctor. Maybe we should get a

different doctor. Besides our 19-year-old? Yes.

I think we should get a different doctor. I think that's what

we're finding out. Okay, I'm not

Thank you. aches and back aches are a sign of COVID.
Maybe we should get a different doctor. Maybe we should get a different doctor.
Besides our 19 year old? Yes. I think we should get a different doctor.
I think that's what we're finding out. Okay, I'm not.
Dr. Jill Biden.
Yes. Bill.
Alright, Bill, you got a fire fest? Besides killing your chicken. Yeah, I have one less hen.
Yeah, I just realized. Less hen.
You can't hear us when we whisper. Yeah, I guess he's wearing headphones.
Because he's not wearing headphones. Okay, I didn't come watch it.
I promise. You can't hear us right now, can you? What are you saying? You know what the funny thing is about Billy doesn't have headphones on, so he can't hear what we're saying.
Billy was actually concerned about his chicken. He would not have posted it to social media.
Billy really has a 5'6 KD. Oh, he has a 5'6 KD.
What is it? He's lying to Trishman so early. He can't hear us.
He's not even close to being as good as fuck. He can't can't hear anything you're saying.
Why are you also whispering? He said it's a .75, which is bad. But a .50 is so dumb.
Because everybody whispers. Okay, I'm not.
Everyone whispers when other people are whispering. It's just like a thing.
And also when the lights are off, everybody whispers for some reason. The lights are on.
He doesn't have a fire vest, so he's secretly glad about the fact that we're stolen. Yes.
Yes, absolutely. I'm not.
Yes. Anyway.
The fact that he doesn't. We should have been doing this a long time ago without his headphones.
Follow us on Twitter. Follow us on Twitter.
Follow us on Twitter. Follow us on Twitter.
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Berserker, really. Berserker, really.
Berserker, really. Big time.
Big time. Big time.
All right, Billy. Was that your Firefest? Yeah.
All right, Jake. What's your Firefest? Oh, no.
Jake's got it this week in sports. Let's go.
I have Firefest, too. All right.
There we go. We mentioned your coach, Jim Boeheim, and the do-do-do.
I'm on my last pair of boxers, and I think the place I sent it to is closed because of the snowstorm. Wait, you sent? Oh, because you don't have a washer and dryer.
Yeah. MeUndies is coming back in 2021.
We got an email about that. Beautiful.
I need some get some new ones. Do you have a sink? Yeah.
Do it. What about turning them inside out? No, you know what's the best part about the snow? Is that you can wear your long johns instead of underwear, and then you save on doing laundry.
I'm wearing my long johns today. The best part of the snow, yeah.
Yeah. Jake, long johns are high.
Do you have any athletic shorts? Yes. Boom, perfect.
You're good. I'll be okay.
I don't think I wore an actual pair of underwear from the time I was 20 until I was like 22. Just athletic shorts.
Yeah. Free balling.
You know how I'd be. Yes, this day in sports history.
December 18, 2017, Mississippi Valley State's Dante Scott hits a floater inside the paint against Grand Canyon in the second half to cut his team's deficit from 22 to 20. Whoa.
I remember that. Let's hear it.
Inside Scott. Trying to turn.
Vernon's here. Braun's here.
He comes back out. Five on the shot clock.
Got to move. Scott, floater.
Good. Wow.

What a moment.

I was wondering if it was going to be good or not.

And then it was good.

No, no, no.

The shot.

Oh, yeah.

I was like, is he going to make this?

But was it a good distance?

Oh, yeah.

All right, we're back.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Don't worry.

You're our good son.

You can do no wrong.

All right.

What if Jake actually killed Billy's chicken?

Plot twist. Wow.
Yeah. Oh actually killed Billy's chicken? Plot twist.

Wow. Yeah.

Oh, that's my other Firefest, actually.

The Lizzie McGuire movie got cancelled.

Oh. Damn.
I was really looking forward to that one. Did they bring Hilary Duff back?

Oh, yeah. Fuck, bro.

Celebrity crush. But it was too much.

Really? Yeah, first. So she did a...

She was my first crush, Billy. Hockey guy? I had it first.

She's married to a Kings player, I think. Yeah.
He'd kick your ass, though, Billy. Yeah.
He's hockey tough. Yeah.
All right, numbers. I'm going 100 again.
I'm going... 99.
Restaurant. You're going 99 on my 100? That's fucked up.
99 reasons. 88.
88? 8. We'll always compare.
A lot of hate, Philly. 13.
I'm trying not to get it, though. You should pick 69, then.
But that doesn't count. Oh, I just saw a 99 pop, Hank.
Oh, it was close, Hank. 35.
I feel like we've had 35 before. Geese fly in a V shape because the weakest flyers are at the end of the V,

which has the least wind resistance.

That's actually not true.

They take turns.

Because they get tired and they get weak.

Yeah.

I wouldn't say they're weakest.

You would always fly at the end of the V.

Yeah, because I'd be busting my ass at the front of the V.

Bill, you wouldn't know a V if it rubbed itself on your nose.

You're not allowed to call people Vs anymore on Twitch. Love you guys.
Mmm, they Mmm, they Mmm, they Mmm, they Talking away I'm the one I'm to say I'm saved anyway Today's my day to find you shying away. I'll be coming for your love, okay? Take me on me.
Take me on. I'll be gone.
I'm not too old to me. I'm not too old to me.
Let's see. I'm on Jenny Hey.
Take me on me. Take me on

I look at you

I look at you