Dungeons and Dragons, Goldberg & NFL Trade Deadline

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Speaker 1 On today's part in my take, we have The Return of Tim Woods. Dungeons and Dragons is back.

Speaker 1 Very excited to talk to Tim. We pick up our adventure.

Speaker 3 That's the campaign everyone's been talking about.

Speaker 1 We got a little bit of a recap as well to start. So everyone, if you missed it or if you forget what has happened, he recaps it and then we get into it.

Speaker 1 We also have Goldberg, wrestling legend on the show. A little Monday night football cleanup, a little NFL free agency, agency, nothing happened, hot seat, cool throne, and guys on chicks.

Speaker 1 Before we get to all of that, part of my take is brought to you by the.

Speaker 4 When cool, creamy ranch meets tangy, bold buffalo, the whole is greater than the sum of its sauce. Say howdy, partner, to new Buffalo Ranch sauce, only at McDonald's for a limited time.

Speaker 3 At participating, McDonald's.

Speaker 1 Okay,

Speaker 3 let's go.

Speaker 3 Now in the street, there is violence,

Speaker 3 and then a lot of soft work to be done.

Speaker 3 No papers, hang out or washing,

Speaker 3 and then I can't blame all of the songs. Oh, no, we're gonna rock it down to electric avenue,

Speaker 3 and then we'll take it higher.

Speaker 3 Oh, we're gonna rock it down to electric avenue.

Speaker 3 Welcome to part of my take presented by the cash app.

Speaker 1 Go download it right now. Use code barstool.
You get $10 for free. $10 to the ASPCA.
Today is Wednesday, November 4th,

Speaker 3 Decision 2020.

Speaker 3 Some strength.

Speaker 1 Some election.

Speaker 1 rhythm.

Speaker 1 We started CNN where Don Mr. Unlimited couldn't see the future coming amigos.
And Chris Chet Hayes said, Booyakasha. Donald Trump Jamaican me crazy, boy.
Me no one, the mega girl.

Speaker 1 Joe Biden ghost seek took an afternoon catnap. Closed his eyes and tried to count to 270.

Speaker 1 And meanwhile, Mike, the artist formerly known as Pence, had enough of these red states and blue states, said it's time for a purple rain. Purple rain.

Speaker 1 And Water Melania is used to spinning seeds, but she sure took a big one and proved she wasn't barren.

Speaker 1 Donald had his daughters on stage singing, Mike Trump, my Trump, my Trump, my Trump, my Trump, my lovely lady Trump. Check it out.

Speaker 1 Tiffany Trump was also there.

Speaker 1 All right. We weren't actually going to talk about the election.

Speaker 3 But it is actually 4.22.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so if you hear bias, you actually are making it up. Because we have no idea what happened.

Speaker 1 We figured this show will be, like it always is, kind of an escape for everyone. We have Tim Woods.
It's truly an escape. We're going to Dungeons and Dragons.
We're going to a different world.

Speaker 3 Imagine this shows in a fantasy land. Yes, we are.
Fighting against dragons.

Speaker 3 We're sexually assaulting Billy's skull.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so couldn't be farther from planet Earth or America right now. But we have a regular show.

Speaker 1 Yeah, whatever happened, happened. And we're going to instead talk some sports, talk some guys on chicks, Hot C Cool Throne, Fantasyland, Goldberg, PAC Show.
Let's start with Monday Night Football.

Speaker 1 A little cleanup. Daniel Jones loves,

Speaker 1 loves, loves throwing interceptions. It's actually the verbal meme, old girlfriend fumbling the ball, new girlfriend throwing picks

Speaker 1 whenever he can.

Speaker 3 Oh, distracted boyfriend distracting down the street. Yeah.

Speaker 3 So the distracted boyfriend is Daniel Jones. And actually, I think it might be Daniel Jones, the model in that meme.
Now that I think about it, where is Brooks Brothers?

Speaker 3 He's looking over his shoulder, and it says

Speaker 3 real swag. And then the former girlfriend is no swag.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 The Giants, and this is kind of, they're the perfect NFC East team that in the first half on Monday night, I legitimately said to myself, I'm going to bet on the New York Giants to win the NFC East because they they looked great.

Speaker 1 And their defense is frisky.

Speaker 3 If they wore those uniforms every single week, I would absolutely bet that.

Speaker 1 Absolutely. And then the second half happened because they do play two halves.
And I wouldn't say the Bucs won the game as much as the Giants lost the game.

Speaker 1 And I'm not going to put like the Bucs, I still think, are a very, very good team. They're up there in the contenders category.

Speaker 1 I'm not going to ding them for that because that felt, you could feel it almost from the beginning that it was one of those games where the Bucs thought they could just roll the ball out there and win.

Speaker 1 So you didn't get an A-plus effort from the Bucs, and they still won with their C game, which actually is a better sign for a team that's like very good.

Speaker 3 It was a trap game. This was a perfect trap game.
It was a prime time spot. Billy likes to play.

Speaker 1 Saints Bucs coming up next Sunday.

Speaker 3 You like that phrase, trap game?

Speaker 5 When one team shows up way more physical than a better team.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Joe Judge, he's got the boys ready to go out there and hit somebody in their mouth.

Speaker 3 They're not necessarily going to make all the plays, but towards the end of the game, I was definitely getting major flashbacks to Tom Brady against the Giants in years past. Yeah.

Speaker 3 When Daniel Jones is running around on like fourth and long, making those crazy passes, almost helmet-like catches.

Speaker 3 He was throwing the ball like seven yards short, and then his receiver would find a little hole, get the first down, and then at the end, it came down to

Speaker 3 that last two-point conversion. That was close.

Speaker 1 Well, it's hilarious.

Speaker 1 It's hilarious because Daniel Jones is so bad that his passes are so bad. It was pass interference, but the pass was so bad, you're like, but it can't be pass interference because his pass was so bad.

Speaker 3 Right, it's like a quarterback that throws such uncatchable balls that it's impossible to call pass interference on him.

Speaker 1 They really did. It was like, wait, that should have been pass interference, but no, because he actually threw it to such a bad spot that it was going to look like pass interference no matter what.

Speaker 3 Right, exactly. Like, can you imagine deeming a pass by Dwayne Haskins to be uncatchable? It's like, well, they all are, bro.
That's what they all look like.

Speaker 3 And at the end, it did prove Jason Garrett correct. He said that Daniel Jones's biggest weakness is his biggest strength, actually, which is the most Jason Garrett quote of all time.

Speaker 3 And I guess his biggest weakness is he's not accurate, so he threw the pass behind his running back and almost got a pass interference based off that. Yeah.
And it almost ended up working out for him.

Speaker 3 I'm a little concerned with Bruce Arians, just with

Speaker 3 his health. I don't know.

Speaker 5 His red face, his double glasses.

Speaker 3 He's like a chameleon.

Speaker 3 He turns into the color of whatever uniform that he's wearing at the time. Yes.
And he turned bright beet red. His double glasses look great.

Speaker 3 Maybe it's a matter of just the face shield that he wears magnifies the sun whenever he's standing out. And so it gives him like a natural sunburn every time that he's out.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and he's, you know, the hat, the look was incredible.

Speaker 1 I'm trying to think whatever, like it was a decent Monday night game.

Speaker 1 Going into it, you thought it was not going to be a good game, but the Giants... did their best to make it a fun game.

Speaker 1 And yeah, that was week eight fully in the books Now, I feel like we're turning the corner. We had the NFL trade deadline today, which is the most boring trade deadline of all sports.

Speaker 3 Sucks.

Speaker 1 There was like pretty much the best or the most interesting part of the trade deadline was Will Fuller started trending and then he tweeted like waiting, you know, like see where I'm going to go.

Speaker 1 And everyone said he was going to go to the Packers and then nothing happened because it's the Packers. Well,

Speaker 1 more than that,

Speaker 1 I think this is the first time that the Texans are really feeling

Speaker 1 the loss of Bill O'Brien because from all reports, the Texans were asking for way too much.

Speaker 1 Whereas if it were Bill O'Brien still as the GM, the Texans would have traded Will Fuller for like a six-round pick.

Speaker 3 Well, what they were trying to do was they were trying to get the Brock Osweiler type thing where the money became an issue where it's like, we want you to pay...

Speaker 3 all of his salary as a team that's getting Will Fuller. And the Packers are like, no, we want you to still pay for Will Fuller, even though you're using it.

Speaker 3 So it was a case of like Green Bay expecting the ghost of Bill O'Brien to still be around to take on that terrible deal. But it is the most Packers thing ever.

Speaker 3 I can't remember the last time the Packers either acquired a player in free agency, like a decent player, like a big-name player, or traded for a player. It just doesn't happen.

Speaker 3 I think that in Green Bay, they like players that don't know any better besides the Green Bay system, which is like, we're going to draft you.

Speaker 3 Aaron Rodgers is going to make you look good, or he's going to complain because his defense isn't good enough.

Speaker 3 You have to throw you the ball. You're going to have to deal with that.
You don't like players that have experienced life outside of Greenwich.

Speaker 1 And then the Patriots, Hank, are going for it. Traded for Isaiah Ford.

Speaker 3 Are the Patriots all in?

Speaker 1 Is this a sign to the locker room that they're committed to winning this year?

Speaker 7 I think so. I think it's the missing piece.

Speaker 1 And on the flip side, the Dolphins.

Speaker 6 Wow.

Speaker 1 So the Dolphins are throwing in the towel. Yeah.
So Isaiah Ford, 18 catches, 184 yards, zero touchdowns. Okay.
That's

Speaker 1 a season.

Speaker 3 that's a season yeah yeah how um how much kate metcalf have how much does he weigh uh he weighs i'm looking it up right now 201 pounds okay so maybe they're just planning on fattening him up turning him into a tight end 61201 do you see florio's article today what about titled the patriot way has lost its way oh yep yeah

Speaker 1 bill belichick's excuse making could result in players making excuses see florio's not a football guy because he doesn't realize that bill belic is actually doing his best coaching job this year.

Speaker 3 That's true. And also, he doesn't realize that Bill Belichick said, I'm not making an excuse, but this is the excuse.

Speaker 1 It is what it is. It is fun.
The Patriots are paying, they're paying Brady. They're paying Antonio Brown still.
I think they're still paying Stephen Gasowski. They're like in dead cap space.

Speaker 3 So he's not...

Speaker 1 Belichick's not totally wrong when he said that. I don't know.

Speaker 1 The NFL cap makes no sense.

Speaker 1 Contracts in the NFL make no sense.

Speaker 3 I don't know what it's going to look like next year either. Like, the cap is supposed to go up year after year.

Speaker 1 I'm even saying this right now: like, I don't, none of it makes sense.

Speaker 3 There's a dead cap space. People who are capologists,

Speaker 3 I don't understand how their brains work, how they can understand all the ramifications of cap hits, cap money that is incurred via signing bonus as opposed to like prorated cap hits.

Speaker 3 And then there's offset cap hits.

Speaker 1 All right, overthecap.com.

Speaker 1 The one team that I actually is kind of interesting is

Speaker 1 I'm pretty sure the the Saints are like wildly over the cap next year, which makes me think that they already know that Drew Brees might retire.

Speaker 3 What happens if you're just

Speaker 1 next year are $92 million over the cap? That's a lot of fun.

Speaker 1 How is that even real? How can you do that?

Speaker 3 Well, what's to stop a team from just ignoring the cap entirely and being like, do something about it again?

Speaker 1 Well, looking at it right now, like $92 million over the cap next year, that is pretty much Drew Brees has already told us that he will retire.

Speaker 3 so don't worry about it this might be sean payton saying a big fuck you to the nfl too because if he just continues on if they let's say they go into next year and there's still 90 million dollars of the cap then the nfl tries to either find them or or uh like collect draft picks take away draft picks do whatever you want to them then what happens if the saints sue the nfl being like hey you're interfering with the free market we should be able to pay people whatever we want then that case goes to like the supreme court NFL loses its monopoly.

Speaker 3 The Saints could blow up the NFL if they wanted.

Speaker 1 Or your post-packed court.

Speaker 1 Are they packing it? Yeah, I don't know. How many people are out there? I don't know.
And that's our politics talk. Yeah, the Patriots have $28 million in dead money.
I don't know what that means.

Speaker 1 Seems significant.

Speaker 3 Dead money.

Speaker 1 It's dead.

Speaker 1 It's dead.

Speaker 3 I think it probably still spends it.

Speaker 1 The Panthers have $50 million in dead money.

Speaker 3 I guess that's what that means. My guess is that's players that are no longer on the roster that are still paying.
They're just dead.

Speaker 1 Or dead players.

Speaker 3 Or Or Aaron Hernandez. Does he count?

Speaker 1 He's, yeah, still dead money. Okay.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 Should we do Hot Seat Cool Throne? This is going to be a nice tight show, right, Hank?

Speaker 3 Oh, I made one note on Monday night, and it kind of bubbled over from the weekend. I think we're seeing a record high amount of shin catches this year.

Speaker 3 That's a rule that I wasn't. I guess I had been aware of it in the past, but I was re-reminded of it.
Well, I think a shin counts as two feet.

Speaker 1 I think what happens is it's like when you buy a car, and then all of a sudden you see the car, your car, everywhere, and you're like, oh my God, everyone has this car.

Speaker 1 There was one significant shin catch. It was either this week or last week.
And then since then, we're so dumb as NFL fans that we know the rules, but we have to be reminded it every now and then.

Speaker 1 So when we're reminded, we pick up little nuggets and now we're walking around telling everyone, you know, if the shin goes down before the knee and the knee's out of bounds, that's a catch.

Speaker 3 It's a catch. The shin counts as part of the knee, I guess.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we love to go around pretending we're smart.

Speaker 3 It was Diggs. It was the cornerback on the Cowboys.
He had the shin interception. Yes.
Where he caught it in the end zone. And then

Speaker 3 his shin bent. He had like a curved shin.
Tony Roman was like, I think it's just a cramp. But yeah, it got down.
And then, yeah, I see it everywhere now. I saw it on Monday Night Football.

Speaker 3 I'm going to be seeing it all year long.

Speaker 1 It's like the little rules that are so much fun to try to man spling to no one.

Speaker 1 My favorite is the

Speaker 3 when there's a first at a bar. If you're watching with your friends, then you're smart as shit.

Speaker 1 The best one is on a punt when the punting team touches it and then the receiving team can't fumble and everyone loves to say that because you see a guy like run in, streak in and grab the ball last second.

Speaker 1 And you'd be like, why would he do that? It's like, well, let me tell you why. It's a free play, essentially.

Speaker 1 That's my favorite.

Speaker 3 Or what about you can't advance a punt that's been blocked? Yes. I like that one too, because everyone's like, that should be a first down, which I do kind of agree with.

Speaker 3 But it's fun to tell everybody.

Speaker 3 I'm right. You're not.

Speaker 1 But it is fun to do that with rules every now and then to try to tell everyone. Billy, you got any rules you think about? Making a football move.
Yeah, making a football move.

Speaker 3 Everyone talks about what counts as a football move. Did Grok make a football move in the end zone?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Oh, when they switched, when they, you know, it was a great moment in time when they switched it so that you could push out of bounds? Yes.
And everyone's like, wow.

Speaker 1 Like, oh, that's pushing out of bounds. No, no, no, no.
Changed the rules. Nope, they changed the rules.

Speaker 3 You're thinking of college, my friend. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Sorry that you're too dumb to figure it out. They should make it.
Could you imagine how many points would be scored in the NFL if it was one foot inbound? That would be amazing.

Speaker 1 Like, because the body control in the NFL is already so insane, and to have just one foot, oh, give it to us.

Speaker 3 When I'm watching a college game, I always look for players.

Speaker 3 Like, it doesn't matter how spectacular the catch is, if a player only gets one foot down inbounds, I'm like, I'm going to dock that guy in my pre-draft rankings and my biggest game.

Speaker 1 It's not going to work in the big league.

Speaker 3 Listen, that stuff doesn't play once you get out there on Sundays.

Speaker 1 Not on Sundays, yeah. All right, let's do Hot Sea Cool Throwing.
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Speaker 1 All right, Hank, hot seat, cool, thrown.

Speaker 7 My hot seat is the Warriors.

Speaker 1 The Golden State kind?

Speaker 7 Yes, the San Francisco Warriors. They moved from Oakland to San Francisco.
True. But yesterday they released jerseys for this year that say Oakland on them.

Speaker 7 And in the tweet, it said Oakland is and always will be part of our team's identity. And like it's like the Oakland Forever Jerseys.

Speaker 7 And it got Warriors fans really mad because they left Oakland and apparently there's like a lawsuit going on that the Warriors lost and they still owe Oakland like $40 million for renovations.

Speaker 1 They should reboot.

Speaker 7 So kind of like a dumb PR move to be like, oh yeah, you know, we're going to leave town and then be like Oakland Forever.

Speaker 1 It's kind of crazy. It's not talked about enough that Oakland lost two sports franchises in two years.

Speaker 3 It is heartbreaking.

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 obviously the Warriors are right across the bay, so you can make the argument that like, oh, they're still right there, but still.

Speaker 3 It should say Frisco on the jerseys right now. That's bullshit.
It is messed up that they did that.

Speaker 3 I just thought of a really bad Kate Upton Boobs joke. Permission to go there? Yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah, Hank, you're right. That is fucked up that they did that, even though they move.
Kind of like the Nets, even though they're in Brooklyn, they unveiled a New Jersey the other day.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 nice, nice.

Speaker 1 Get it? New Jersey.

Speaker 3 Although

Speaker 3 I do like the Nets New Jerseys.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. It's awesome.
They're sick. They're sick, yeah.
They're very sick.

Speaker 1 All right. Cool torn?

Speaker 7 My cool tone is rocks, paper, scissors.

Speaker 1 Yeah?

Speaker 7 Iona and Hofstra,

Speaker 7 they are having their mascots play rocks, paper, scissors, shoot to determine who gets a home game this year.

Speaker 1 Love it.

Speaker 1 Are they televising it?

Speaker 7 They are doing it on social media.

Speaker 3 It's just one of my favorite things to argue about.

Speaker 1 Oh, I thought you were going to say,

Speaker 1 I was making jokes that we don't make.

Speaker 7 My only question, because we are, you know, we have talked about developing a rocks, paper, scissors shoot for the Play Barstool app. I'm just wondering what the format's going to be.
Like, do you do

Speaker 1 three rocks?

Speaker 1 Scissors.

Speaker 7 Versus 10.

Speaker 1 Billy versus Jake right now. Best of three.
Rock, paper, scissors, says shoot. Oh, I said Billy says, says, no, it's rocks, paper, shoot, shoot.
And Billy was late and he still lost.

Speaker 3 I said, say shoot.

Speaker 1 It's a scissor shoot. Why would rocks, paper, scissors say shoot? Stop saying rocks.
It's fucking rock, paper, scissors, shoot. I have no good.
All right, so go rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Okay.

Speaker 1 All right. Best of three.
Okay.

Speaker 5 Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.

Speaker 1 Billy's up one nil.

Speaker 5 Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.

Speaker 1 Billy's on one

Speaker 1 time.

Speaker 3 Rubber mask. He's got scissors every time.

Speaker 7 Rubber, paper, scissors, shoot.

Speaker 1 Billy's done scissors every time.

Speaker 1 Billy's done scissors every time.

Speaker 3 Oh, and he switched to rock.

Speaker 1 Shit, Billy, just do rock. Billy did scissors six times in a row.

Speaker 3 Yeah, but he doesn't know how to say rock, paper, scissors, shoot.

Speaker 5 That's true. I still won.

Speaker 1 All right, so yeah. Billy is officially the winner of that.

Speaker 1 Who's the better? You guys aren't either interns anymore, are you? I don't know. I think Billy Slow is.
You are? Yeah, I got to graduate. Okay.
All right.

Speaker 1 PFT, your hot seat cool to run.

Speaker 3 My hot seat is Slutton It Up. Slutting It Up is firmly on the hot seat.
Halloween is over. Spooky season.
Spooky season's done.

Speaker 3 And Roger Goodell fined James Conner and Juju Smith Schuster for wearing socks that were too low. They exposed their gams.
Their calves were out. Yep.

Speaker 3 Victorian Goodell in the NFL says, no, no, no, no, no. You got to keep those calves covered up.
And so he levied a big fine. That's one of my favorite fines that the NFL does.

Speaker 3 It's like when your socks are not at the correct level. And if you go too high, he'll fine you for that, too.
He's got to be right in the Goldilocks zone there. Yes.

Speaker 3 And my other hot seat is Darren Revelle because Nate Silver called him disqualifyingly stupid today.

Speaker 1 Darren Revelle got

Speaker 3 disqualified from Twitter today. That's how, you know how stupid

Speaker 3 you have to be to get disqualified from Twitter. It's like everybody should, everyone is an an idiot on Twitter.
Right.

Speaker 1 Do you want to be on Twitter? Yes. Yeah.
Okay, you're disqualified from Twitter.

Speaker 3 It's in the terms of service. Yeah.
And so, yeah, Darren Revelle got put into a locker by the locker.

Speaker 3 Darren Revelle got pulled into a locker by Nate Silver, who lives his life and a lot.

Speaker 1 He's like, hey, get over here.

Speaker 3 You're in here with me.

Speaker 3 My cool throne is baseball staying relevant. Baseball's relevancy.
So, Big Cat, tonight is the presidential election.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 3 Maybe the biggest presidential election in terms of viewership and voter turnout in the last like 50 years. You know what baseball is doing tonight?

Speaker 3 Baseball is announcing their gold glove awards tonight.

Speaker 1 Yeah, during the election. Way to go, baseball.

Speaker 3 I could not make that up.

Speaker 3 I'm pretty sure that wasn't.

Speaker 3 Baseball staying relevant in the past. I'm pretty sure we made a joke about them doing something like this on election night.

Speaker 1 They did it last year on something very significant, too. I think they are doing this on purpose.

Speaker 3 It might have been like the all-star announcement during NBA free agency. I don't know.

Speaker 1 They're doing this 100% of purpose.

Speaker 3 It's insane. Yeah.
I can't, like, what the fuck? What are you doing? Unbelievable. Mine of the Cool Throne is dynasties, Texas Tech.
Texas Tech continues their dynasty.

Speaker 3 Texas Tech won its 15th national meat judging championship.

Speaker 3 They are the world's best meat peepers. Shout out to Texas Tech Technology.

Speaker 7 They're judging the meat judgers.

Speaker 5 No, they actually have a huge agricultural school where they judge butcher meat judgments.

Speaker 1 So we should send them a pick of Norman.

Speaker 1 Yep.

Speaker 3 Yep. We should have the boner judging competition.

Speaker 1 It's done with the Norman trader.

Speaker 3 Yeah, we did that's Lloyn.

Speaker 1 I'm happy.

Speaker 3 You guys remember when

Speaker 3 I did all those niche podcasts? One of them was a Texas Tech grad who is like a champion meat judger.

Speaker 3 He's basically like Billy for steroids, but just for animals. You'd actually be...
Billy, you'd be a great meat judger.

Speaker 5 You know, I've looked into it, actually.

Speaker 1 You should pursue that.

Speaker 5 Texas Tech is the Harvard of judging meat.

Speaker 1 I like it. I like it.

Speaker 7 I just don't get who is judging the meat judgers.

Speaker 1 Oh, good question.

Speaker 3 They have to have judges.

Speaker 1 Maybe that's what Billy should do. You've got to judge the meat judges.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm guessing that that person went to Texas Tech. Right, right.
And so

Speaker 1 Hank's right.

Speaker 1 This smells. It stinks.

Speaker 3 It stinks the highest.

Speaker 1 This isn't good meat.

Speaker 5 Think about where's the beef.

Speaker 1 Mm-hmm.

Speaker 1 Texas. Where's the beef? No, but do you understand what Hank's saying, right? Yeah.
Texas Tech won for meat judging, but who's judging Texas Tech to win the meat judges?

Speaker 3 They gives them 15 titles.

Speaker 1 Who's judging the meat judges?

Speaker 5 The panel of the best meat judges?

Speaker 1 And where are they from? Where do they go to Texas Tech?

Speaker 3 What has that most prestigious

Speaker 3 meat program in America?

Speaker 1 Complete bullshit.

Speaker 5 I feel like Oklahoma has good meat judging.

Speaker 3 Oklahoma probably hates Texas.

Speaker 1 It's like Desmond Howard on game day saying Michigan is back. Yeah.
Like, what are we doing here?

Speaker 3 They should recuse themselves, like Herb Street and Chris Fowler do for picking that night's game.

Speaker 1 Yes. Yes.

Speaker 1 I love that.

Speaker 5 You get a scholarship for it.

Speaker 1 For meat judging? Yeah.

Speaker 3 For looking at a cow and being like, that animal would be good to eat.

Speaker 5 Well, no, it's once they're in the meat locker.

Speaker 1 Oh, so after they're dead?

Speaker 3 Yeah, they're judging the meat.

Speaker 1 Well, then. I mean, how hard is that? You just be like, that looks good.
I like that. No, no, Billy, I think you're wrong.

Speaker 5 No, no, it's the scene in Rocky.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 5 You know the scene in Rocky in the meat locker? Wait, what?

Speaker 1 Punching it? What is he?

Speaker 5 I read an article in like, it was like in Sports Illustrated. Like, they're all in white lab coats, kind of, but, like,

Speaker 1 meat?

Speaker 5 They're checking out the meat slabs.

Speaker 3 I don't know. I feel like it's an agricultural thing where you look at an alive cow and you try to figure out which one would be the

Speaker 1 eyes and you're like, what would you be like?

Speaker 5 You're tempting. Google Belgian blue cattle.

Speaker 3 Okay, well, actually, Billy, if you were anything about meat judging, you would know that the most tasty cow of all time is HeatWave. And HeatWave's bloodline lives on to this very day.

Speaker 1 And if you buy a direct descendant who loves HeatWave, he's the most billy cow of all time. Just Google Belgian blue cow.
Belgian blue cow. Cattle.

Speaker 3 Cattle. It's the jacked up one.
Yeah, it's the one that's so steroid.

Speaker 5 It's not on steroids.

Speaker 5 Selective breeding for high muscle.

Speaker 3 Who wants to eat the muscle? Texas Tech dubbed this spring by Sports Illustrated as the Alabama football of the meat-judging world.

Speaker 1 Yeah, this guy's a fucking beast.

Speaker 1 I'm not going to say what I was going to say.

Speaker 3 Say it.

Speaker 1 Go off. I mean, this cow is like, what, 2,000 pounds?

Speaker 5 Probably like a ton.

Speaker 1 Norman still has a bigger dick than this cow, but it's not even close.

Speaker 1 I mean, that's a fact. It's a fact.
Like, Hank's little 10-pound dog has a bigger dick. 20-pound.
Now, I should have. 20.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 5 No. Penis-to-body ratio.

Speaker 1 Penis to body ratio.

Speaker 3 I think his dog's dick is as big as Leroy's dick, and Leroy is 20 times bigger. And Leroy's got a decent hog, too.

Speaker 3 But I should, in the spirit of getting this story right with the capital J journalism,

Speaker 3 it was an abbreviated season due to COVID.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 3 Important to note.

Speaker 1 Important to note.

Speaker 1 All right, my hot seats is all other college football conferences because the Mac is back. You're listening to this right now.
The Mac is officially back. Maxion, six games tonight.

Speaker 1 We have maybe my favorite bet that we've ever created on the Barcelona Sportsbook app. It is Lights Camera Maxion where you can bet on the total number of missed kicks and extra points and turnovers.

Speaker 3 In one game?

Speaker 1 In all games combined.

Speaker 3 For that night? Yes.

Speaker 1 28.5 is in the line.

Speaker 1 If you bet it, you get a free shirt even if you lose.

Speaker 3 What I really like about the MACson this year is that Big Cat has adopted the Maxion as that whole conference is now his team.

Speaker 3 So, because Wisconsin, I don't know if Wisconsin is going to play another game this season. So now you're just officially a game.

Speaker 1 Mac is always playing with the game. I know you've always loved it, but now Wisconsin's going to play another game.
They're going to play another game. Don't COVID shame.
I'm not saying that.

Speaker 1 Remember, you still have

Speaker 1 to football. Yeah.
Toledo. That's true.
I got to pick up that key to the city. All right, so yeah, bet it.
If you

Speaker 1 responsibly bet it, 1-800 gambler if you got a problem. Um,

Speaker 1 but the Mac is back, and I'm very, very excited for the Mac.

Speaker 1 And also, Cooper Rush might be playing for the Cowboys from Central Michigan, fire-up chips, and one of the greatest matching games of all time that wasn't fully matching in the Bahamas Bowl when they scored 34 points in the fourth quarter.

Speaker 3 You got to give Denucci another chance.

Speaker 1 Yeah, maybe. So, my cool throne is actually the Cowboys.
The Cowboys are on my cool throne, and here's why. Cowboy fans, rest easy, everything's going to be okay.

Speaker 1 Stephen A. Smith has declared that it's not even fun to make fun of the Cowboys anymore.

Speaker 3 I disagree, Stephen A.

Speaker 1 Stephen A. Smith said,

Speaker 1 Marcus Spears, let me say this to you. This is on first take.
You know how I like to troll Cowboys fans because I can't stand those noisy and disgusting people. I like how he's taking it easy.

Speaker 1 These people are the worst. I can't stand Cowboys fans.
They're the worst. But I didn't joke around this past weekend because it's not funny to me.
It was so bad. It was so bad what I saw from them.

Speaker 1 It was just a national embarrassment. I'm serious about that.
So there you go.

Speaker 1 The number one cowboy hater is officially laying down his sword and saying, rest easy, cowboy.

Speaker 3 Well, it's because he didn't do his video that he normally does after a cowboys loss. He said that he decided to throw out a mercy rule.

Speaker 3 It wasn't in my heart to do that to them because they're so pathetic. I actually felt sorry for them.
But Stephen A. Smith is such a genius that by saying this, this is the most,

Speaker 3 this is the most he could ever make fun of. He knows going into it that's saying, you're not even worthy to be made fun of.

Speaker 1 I feel so bad for you, I can't even make fun of you.

Speaker 3 That's the most that you can make fun of a Cowboys fan because really, over the past 30 years, or not 30 years, over the past 25 years,

Speaker 3 that's all you've been doing is been making fun of Cowboys fans for not being that good.

Speaker 1 Correct.

Speaker 3 It's not like they've been awesome and you get to make fun of them when they finally fail.

Speaker 3 He is just trolling them by being like, I'm taking away the very last thing, the very last smidge of relevancy that you have is me making fun of you when you lose.

Speaker 3 This is the meanest thing that we could ever do to you on ESPN is ignore you entirely.

Speaker 1 Yes, yes.

Speaker 1 So, Cowboys fans, sorry, but that's, yeah, I mean, I guess it's a good thing that you don't get made fun of anymore by Stephen A. Smith.

Speaker 1 Billy, your hot seat cool thrown before we get to Tim Woods and Goldberg.

Speaker 5 Hot seat Wisconsin.

Speaker 1 Don't COVID shame.

Speaker 5 Because if they have one more game canceled, they're not eligible for the Big Ten Championship game.

Speaker 3 Are they still bull eligible? Because everybody was supposed to be a game.

Speaker 1 Yes, everyone is bull eligible. I don't know what's going to happen.

Speaker 1 Whatever. It sucks.
But you know what?

Speaker 1 I'm worried about player safety.

Speaker 7 At least you guys didn't have a

Speaker 7 Heisman-level quarterback this year.

Speaker 1 Oh, thank you for saying that about Graham Mertz. He's a sophomore, so we'll have him for the, and I don't think this year should count.
So we'll have him for the next three.

Speaker 1 He's red-shirted, so this, he'll have him for four more years.

Speaker 1 Perfect.

Speaker 3 At least the New England Patriots didn't have an MVP quarterback this year that they had to give up on.

Speaker 5 And my cool throne.

Speaker 7 Maybe the Patriots are still making the playoffs.

Speaker 1 They do play the Jets on Monday night, so there you go. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 5 Do you have to go to that?

Speaker 1 Yes. Okay.
With a GoPro. Okay.
Yep. Got to think about that.
You got to find the cat.

Speaker 1 I'll be the cat.

Speaker 5 I'm going to dress up as this Exterminator.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you can go.

Speaker 1 You don't have to go to the game if you go to the Meadowlands and just find a cat. So, like, once you get the cat, you can go home.

Speaker 3 Just show up with a bunch of tuna fish cans. Yeah.
Open it up in the parking lot.

Speaker 1 A black cat.

Speaker 5 Yeah. It's got to be black.

Speaker 1 Yep. Okay.

Speaker 5 My cool throne is humans. Walmart has stopped using robots to do inventory because they realized that humans were actually just as effective and cheaper.
So cool throne humans.

Speaker 1 We're cheaper than robots. We've reached all the way that they're just as effective.

Speaker 1 Human robots? Yeah.

Speaker 5 The robots were

Speaker 5 just as effective.

Speaker 7 Robots don't make

Speaker 1 computer error.

Speaker 5 No, but the robots were like six foot wheeling around like

Speaker 3 who programs the robots? Humans do. So there's human error in the robots as well.

Speaker 1 But anyway, the humans.

Speaker 1 This is like a meat grader, judger. Yeah, well the humans beat robots.

Speaker 5 So you know what?

Speaker 3 Do you think that the robots are just going to sit there and take that? Humans coming in taking their jobs?

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 3 It'd be interesting to find out.

Speaker 1 Employment. Yeah.
Employment in general.

Speaker 1 All right. Good job, Billy.
Thanks. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Good job.

Speaker 7 Good job to Jake. Jake, Jake gave me my cool charge.

Speaker 7 Yes.

Speaker 3 Good job all around. Good teamwork.
Good job, guys. Good job.
Very cool.

Speaker 1 All right. Let's get to Billy.
When we're nice to Billy, he gets so confused.

Speaker 1 He did a great job, Billy. He did a great job.

Speaker 3 Nice of you to dress up today.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Election day.

Speaker 1 All right, let's get to our interview. We got Tim Woods, Dungeon ⁇ Dragons, and we'll have Goldberg.
Before we get to Tim Woods, new sponsor alert.

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Speaker 1 So get out there and make your Irish entrance. Anything else just wouldn't be proper.
And now, Tim Woods.

Speaker 1 Okay, we now welcome on our good, good friend. It is Tim Woods.
It's been a little bit of a break because we had football season to attend to, but Tim, Irish. Congratulations.
Yes, thank you. you.

Speaker 8 Glad they all came back.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I like that just a congratulations that football is being played. I really appreciate that.
So

Speaker 1 we have, I absolutely like the tweet I get the most is like, so when's Dungeon and Dragons coming back? And we figured this is a perfect time. So Tim, we need a refresher because.

Speaker 8 Absolutely.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Just give us everything, exactly where we are, and then we can hop right back into it.

Speaker 8 For sure. It's been a while since our last game, so a recap is definitely in order.

Speaker 8 I will give us the summarized version of our adventure so far, which is we came rolling into the village of Greenest, completely saved the town despite the betrayal of our ally, Berserker Billy, who turned the dragon kind of against us.

Speaker 8 We did save the village of Greenest from the attack of the cult of the dragon, then kind of went after the cult to their home turf, where we discovered that there were some prisoners to be freed.

Speaker 8 We did save a griffin whose name was Blake.

Speaker 8 We also fought a revived version of berserker billy who had been summoned by the dragon cult against us made short work of him uh at the end of the day and then wasn't it more of a like a long torturous project that we had with we we certainly took our time disposing of his corpse it was the the battle was short the disassembly of berserker billy did take some time and actually i did want to get a confirmation on this unless i miss made a mistake i believe it was the griffon who devoured berserker billy's head if If I'm wrong about that, he's agree to correct me.

Speaker 3 And did he did he pass the head out? Did he poop the head out yet, or is he still digesting that?

Speaker 8 It's interesting you should say that because one thing I would note as we're starting today is that we are starting to hear a muffled sound from out of Blake the Griffin's stomach area.

Speaker 8 And depending on what actions we were to take, who knows what that sound might develop into. But it sounds like a muffled voice kind of coming from inside the Griffin for sure.

Speaker 8 And in theory, we had managed to escape not just with a new Griffin friend and a disassembled berserker Billy Pieces.

Speaker 8 We did manage to grab from a creature known as the Roper who is guarding these hatchery.

Speaker 8 We had managed to grab not one, not two, not three, but a total of eight dragon eggs as various characters ran through grabbing eggs on the way out.

Speaker 8 We have escaped from this dragon hatchery with a total of eight different multi-colored eggs, eggs of all different scaled hues.

Speaker 8 And at the very least, we know this, that we are escaping with a small fortune worth of eggs if we were to decide to sell these items.

Speaker 8 Otherwise, there's many other uses that we could make out of these particular items that we have just acquired. But we are hightailing it into the woods out of this kind of back exit.

Speaker 8 out of the cult's hatchery.

Speaker 8 And by all accounts, we think that they have not, you know, when we set the guardrakes, the minions that we had turned to our side after them, they were busy fighting those guardrakes while we made good on our escape.

Speaker 8 And I would kind of start us today

Speaker 8 camping, as it were, after a long day of running from the dragon cult. We are now definitely safe from any pursuit with the dragon eggs in tow.

Speaker 8 And we're going to have to make a tough decision as we sit around the campfire. This is where our adventure would start.

Speaker 8 And we've got Norm the barbarian, Wayne the Bard, Ehrlich the Warlock, and Cake the Wizard all gathered around with these dragon eggs near the fire.

Speaker 8 And I will say that we're all number one, no longer level three.

Speaker 8 We've just bumped up from level three to level four, which gave us a few more hit points and a few more little powers that I'll highlight along the way.

Speaker 8 I would start by letting us know that we're also hearing some noise. South of our campsite, there's kind of a crashing noise.

Speaker 8 We're also hearing a rustling from a very much closer bush directly to the west of us.

Speaker 8 Are we would ask, what would people want to be doing right now? Or what would you be discussing around the campfire?

Speaker 3 It might not be a bad idea to crack open one of those dragon eggs, make anomalies.

Speaker 1 Yes. Yeah.
Can we gain its power? Can we do that?

Speaker 8 You absolutely could go to one of the dragon eggs. Now, I want to highlight there's eight different dragon eggs.

Speaker 8 I want to point out that one of them is the color red. One is blue and one is green.
Two are black, two are white, and one is a rainbow, a prismatic colored egg with all different colors on it.

Speaker 1 No, I think what we do is to be in the effort of fairness and equality, I think we crack one of the white eggs and one of the black eggs because we have two of both. So we're not losing.

Speaker 1 Now we have all the colors in the rainbow, and we've eaten a black and a white egg.

Speaker 8 Those are the two that you have extra.

Speaker 1 There we go. Perfect.
Yeah. Perfect.

Speaker 3 Tim, can I just say that? I've so dearly missed you saying the word absolutely. Yes.
It's just music to my ears.

Speaker 8 It's always a pleasure. I tell people all the time,

Speaker 8 DD is a fun game where we just affirm everything we're going to do. Never a wrong answer.
There just might be interesting consequences.

Speaker 8 And in this particular case, as you are approaching these eggs and picking them up and then carrying them over to the campfire with all intents of you're either going to just crack these open right now or maybe cook them or something, suddenly you do hear more crashing distantly from the south.

Speaker 8 And then from that bush to the west, there's actually a voice calling out of the bush, crying out, no, no, no, the egg, please, please, don't, don't.

Speaker 8 And it's a female voice, a human woman is emerging from out of the bush. She is wearing these whitish, silverish robes.
It doesn't look like she's been traveling through the woods for a long time.

Speaker 8 Her robes look really, really nice. And she reaches out and says, please, please, don't, don't just

Speaker 8 break them. Don't just destroy them.

Speaker 8 They're valuable.

Speaker 3 They're precious.

Speaker 7 Can she hatch them?

Speaker 7 Like Khaleesi? Ooh.

Speaker 1 Ooh. Good question, Hank.

Speaker 1 So,

Speaker 1 can she sit on these eggs for us?

Speaker 8 She, when you ask her that, this woman laughs and says, no,

Speaker 8 well, you don't sit on them. Here, watch, watch.

Speaker 8 The white egg, you should place far away from the fire if you want it to hatch. It's a cold dragon.
It's not going to light those flames. And that black dragon egg,

Speaker 8 I can help you with that. And she reaches for the egg.
Are you offering up the egg?

Speaker 3 Yeah, are we just are we just giving it to her?

Speaker 6 Hey, dude, trust her. Is she cool?

Speaker 3 She seems pretty down to clown. Is she like a cool ass chick?

Speaker 8 If anyone is not sure whether they trust her, you are free to roll a d20 to make an insight. I want to do an insight check.

Speaker 1 I want to do an insight check.

Speaker 3 Wow.

Speaker 1 I want to just be like PFT is trying to kill the vibe.

Speaker 7 Terran FT. Yeah.

Speaker 1 10.

Speaker 3 I got a 10. Jesus, man.

Speaker 8 And, Wade, it looks like your insight skill is plus zero. I'm sorry to say so.
You just got a flat 10 on that. As far as you can tell, she just cares about these eggs.
She seems trustworthy.

Speaker 1 She seems cool.

Speaker 3 Yeah, here's the egg. Okay.

Speaker 1 Also, she's tracking on the record that I would like to tell her, sorry that PFT the Bard just bothered you. I just want to say that to her.

Speaker 8 Absolutely. She shrugs it off.
She's just staring at the eggs. She seems to be barely even paying attention to anything people are saying to her.

Speaker 8 She just says, this poor baby, oh, well, we need some kind of marsh gas or swamp water or something

Speaker 8 marsh gas gas and his twin brother over here if we can get some kind of swamp water that's really the environment this egg is going to want you you weren't planning on eating this thing were you no no no can i can i just tell her that um i'll just say like out loud to uh to wayne

Speaker 1 You're Wayne, right? No, I'm Norm. You're Norm.
I want to say big ass cock.

Speaker 3 I want to say out loud to Norm. Norm, it's so cool that you know how to handle this egg because you've got a baby at home and you've got to make sure that you're taking good care of it.

Speaker 3 I just want to let

Speaker 3 Norm know that in front of the girl.

Speaker 1 Mm-hmm.

Speaker 1 That's really dependable.

Speaker 8 She seems like she's focused on our eggs right now and is in fact moving over.

Speaker 1 We got number two.

Speaker 8 Grabbing some of the others.

Speaker 1 Okay. So, all right, so we need some swamp water? Is that what we now? I don't want to give all of our eggs.
I will give.

Speaker 1 I'll side with PFT a little bit. Let's let her try to hatch a couple of these.
Let's not give up every egg.

Speaker 1 That feels dangerous.

Speaker 8 Absolutely.

Speaker 8 She's going to hopefully try to take the white and the black egg that you were about to do something with. And she's moving the white egg far away from the fire right now.

Speaker 8 The black egg, you see her starting to like dig a trench almost. And it's obvious that she knows exactly how to hatch these different eggs.
She's looking at the others, making plans in her head.

Speaker 8 Wayne the bard would be able to tell that, that even with a 10 right now. But with the 10, you can also tell this.
There's another crash to the south, and then she turns and looks in that direction.

Speaker 8 And she says,

Speaker 8 did you all hear that? And with a 10, you know, she's asking us if we heard that, but she heard it very clearly. And she knows something about that crashing that she's not saying.

Speaker 3 It sounds to me like, remember in Jurassic Park when raptors would hunt and there would be one to the side that distracts you while the other one comes at you?

Speaker 1 I feel like this chick chicken is a good one.

Speaker 3 This chick is bad news.

Speaker 1 Uh-oh.

Speaker 3 Okay. She's bad news.

Speaker 8 Since you only got a 10 on insight, anybody else could try to roll insight as well and see how they do on that.

Speaker 8 Otherwise, you could try to like persuade her or intimidate her if you wanted to spill more info. Right now, she seems like she's being honest with us.

Speaker 1 Okay. I'll roll.

Speaker 3 Very worried about that crash.

Speaker 1 15. 15.

Speaker 8 And with a 15, I know you've got a little bit of bonus on that. It looks like a plus two on this norm.
No, only a plus one.

Speaker 8 But still, a 16 is enough that, yes, you can tell that she knows exactly what the crashing noise is to the south. She's very worried about it.
You can tell.

Speaker 8 Sincerely, you think she's worried about it, but she's not saying more about what the crashing noise is because she is hiding something from us. You don't know what, but she's hiding a secret.

Speaker 3 You want to like guess?

Speaker 8 At least she knows what that thing to the south is.

Speaker 3 You want to send our journalist there to see if he can do some reporting for us?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Why don't you go in there?

Speaker 3 Is Jake's mic on?

Speaker 1 Test, test. There we go.

Speaker 3 I will go into the field for the team.

Speaker 1 Yeah, let's send you.

Speaker 3 Let's embed you with this woman.

Speaker 1 Go find out, Jake. All right, let's do it.

Speaker 8 You start to head to the south where that crashing is coming from. Cake, is that right? Yeah.

Speaker 8 If you're approaching cautiously, you could either use your stealth, which is only a plus three,

Speaker 8 or you could use your perception. Your perception is also a plus three, my mistake.

Speaker 8 So either way you can roll a d20 plus three to see if you can approach this noise without being seen or heard yourself by whatever it is here we go yeah d20 plus three 11.

Speaker 8 okay and that is that before the plus three 14.

Speaker 8 So it's a 14 total. With a 14,

Speaker 8 you are moving into a clearing where you see some trees have been knocked over and there's a hazy green green gas that is floating in the air, it seems, that was not in other parts of the forest that you were moving through.

Speaker 8 And then suddenly, something poked its head out from around a tree. It is a dragon that is the size of a large horse spreading its wings, stepping out from around the tree.

Speaker 8 It has green scales all over its body and kind of a very dinosaur-like fin kind of growing out of the top of its back.

Speaker 8 It is a very Jurassic Park-type moment as you realize that this dragon has you in its sights and is starting to slither closer to you, moving on all four of its limbs. What do you do, Kate?

Speaker 3 Do I have any powers?

Speaker 8 I'm going to say you got spotted.

Speaker 1 What powers do I have?

Speaker 8 You have a lot of spells at your disposal. I want to warn you right now that if you start moving full speed, you'll move quicker.

Speaker 8 If you move and then also cast a spell, you'll move a little bit slower, but maybe you'll slow this dragon down. And you do have ice magic spells that can slow creatures down.

Speaker 8 You have fire magic spells that usually deal the most damage.

Speaker 8 Also, since you've leveled up, you would have access to new spells, including a spell called Earthbind that anchors flying creatures to the ground that you can try to use that.

Speaker 1 Yep, we're going for that. Yeah.

Speaker 8 Absolutely. You're noticing things starting to spread its wings and you think it's a lot faster flying than it is on the ground.
So suddenly you start to cast your Earthbind spell.

Speaker 8 These yellowish tendrils come leaping out of the ground and wrap up the wings of this creature. And now I need to roll a saving throw.

Speaker 8 As the dragon struggles, it is trying to break free of the earthbind spell. I am sorry to say, Cake, that I just rolled a critical hit, a natural

Speaker 8 on the die. The dragon, with barely any efforts, flexes its wings and there is a popping sound like rubber bands snapping and your earthbind spell is completely broken.

Speaker 8 The dragon says in draconic, which I know your character speaks, well, that didn't go so well, and starts laughing at you. You can tell that this is a female, young dragon.

Speaker 8 And if you want to know more facts about it, you do have very good arcana.

Speaker 8 If you feel like information right now is important, you still have a chance to roll an arcana check before your turn is done.

Speaker 3 Yeah, let's learn more about this.

Speaker 1 I just, I want it on the record just as a timeout real quick. Billy is in the room.
He's obviously dead like six different times. But Tim, he has his headphones in.

Speaker 1 And when you said it's a very young female dragon, his head popped up.

Speaker 8 Okay, you noticed that? I would say we notice from inside the Griffin's stomach, like there's a lump that's kind of turning.

Speaker 8 Like something inside of its stomach is attention has been gained.

Speaker 3 A little internal boner.

Speaker 8 Depending on how much,

Speaker 8 what exactly we feed the Griffin will determine whether or not the Griffin vomits up any items. But so far, it is only muffled noises we are hearing from the Griffin.
Okay.

Speaker 8 cake you could try your arcana check you have a plus five actually you have upgraded to a plus six on this now all right

Speaker 3 that's a crazy toss five crazy toss

Speaker 8 plus six I'll tell you the basic information with a plus six you got an 11 so the basic information is this this is a young green dragon and you believe that green dragons are poison dragons.

Speaker 8 They are forest dragons, but their element is poison and that means they breathe a poisonous breath. That is what these green hazy fumes are in the air, and they are immune to poison.

Speaker 8 So you know not to use poison damage against a green dragon. But that is the only information you know so far about this dragon.

Speaker 8 And since the dragon has spotted you, I'm going to need us to roll into initiative now. I'm happy to say the dragon rolled bad on initiative.

Speaker 8 but each of us are going to need to roll a d20 and i will tell us what bonus to add most of us actually all of us have a plus two bonus on this except cake has a plus three bonus on this 20.

Speaker 8 if everyone rolls a d20 check out the results oh wayne was that you with a 20 yeah and you got a 22 and wayne you'll almost definitely be leaping into action first okay i have a i got a 10 six a 10 and that's a 12 total for norm then

Speaker 8 that's good news and how did you do cake six yeah he's bad at this game

Speaker 1 straight up and that a team. I'm literally sacrificing my life for you guys, and you're treating me like SHIT.
Just be better.

Speaker 8 It's a nine total. The good news is you'll go ahead of the dragon, but not ahead of your teammates.

Speaker 1 And let me ask how Ehrlich the Warlock did. I got a four.
Oh!

Speaker 8 Again, you're going ahead of the dragon. That's the good news.
But right now, of the teammates, you are going to be the last to react.

Speaker 3 Yikes now, Jake.

Speaker 8 On your turn first, you would be leaping into action. I would say that right now, Cake is kind of one move away from you.
So you could use your move to catch up to him.

Speaker 8 Then you have your action to cast a spell or do an attack. And you still have your bonus action to inspire somebody if you would like to inspire anybody in this situation.

Speaker 1 So who's it? I think it's you. Is that Ren?

Speaker 8 Yeah, that's that.

Speaker 3 Way in the bar. Okay, so yeah, roll the 20.

Speaker 3 I think I would like to.

Speaker 3 I really want to still impress this chick. She seems like she's cool.

Speaker 3 This woman's coming after you. Can I tame the dragon in front of her and show her like, you know, like a wild stallion has been tamed underneath my spells?

Speaker 3 And then she'll get really impressed and want to go, you know, hang out with me. Maybe get a couple flagons of ale later.

Speaker 8 Absolutely. So I'll ask you, there's two ways you could do this.
You could either try animal handling the skill, which would probably very much offend a dragon who is a talking sentient creature.

Speaker 8 You could try to persuade it with your very good deception skill.

Speaker 8 Or you have one spell called suggestion charm person your normal spell for hypnotizing people doesn't work against dragons but suggestion would and that's exactly like jedi mind trick basically you go i think you should do this and as long as it's a reasonable course of action and the dragon fails its saving throw then it is going to obey whatever that suggestion is you know what i want to do i i want to introduce this dragon to blake griffin I want to introduce him and maybe try to set them up together.

Speaker 3 I feel like maybe

Speaker 3 they would get along really well.

Speaker 8 All right. Yeah.
I mean, so far you can tell. Cake did determine this is a female dragon.
Blake is a male griffin.

Speaker 8 You're not sure how that works, but we'll find out if it is a reasonable suggestion in just a moment. And so you're trying to set the two of them up.

Speaker 8 Do you have a specific wording on what you're saying to this dragon?

Speaker 3 Yeah, my friend over there thinks you're really cute.

Speaker 8 Okay, that's great. Like, excellent.
All right. So let's see how this saving throw goes.
And with a total of an eight on the saving throw, that is not a success against your spell save DC.

Speaker 8 The dragon looks and then does a double take. And then you see her raise one eyebrow.
And she doesn't say anything, but you know she is considering.

Speaker 8 What why does this why does this griffin like me and she starts to spread her wings to make them look more majestic She's turning kind of like a cat showing off different like oh my my scales are quite gleaming are they not and it seems like she is more intrigued than than definitely interested, but curious about why exactly this Griffin might be feeling this way.

Speaker 8 We've got the dragon very distracted, to say the least. And depending on what we do on our next turn, we could get this dragon more on our side or deeper into this relationship, perhaps.

Speaker 8 What's interesting is Norm would be up next. Now, Norm, you don't have to do anything.

Speaker 8 In theory, you're maybe not the person to be leaping in to persuade the dragon, but you could try if you want to talk to this dragon and not make the, the, you know, put us back into a fight necessarily, but up to you, whatever you'd like to do.

Speaker 7 And correct me if I'm wrong, but I am the, if the dragon wants to eat us, I'm the first person in line, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 8 in theory, uh, Ehrlich the Warlock is very bite-sized of all of our characters for sure. I'd also point out, though, Ehrlich is our other very persuasive character.
So

Speaker 7 I use my...

Speaker 1 Wait. Is it my turn? No, whose turn is it?

Speaker 8 It's Norm's turn right now.

Speaker 1 You got Norm on your brains. Yeah, big cat.
You got Norm on his brain. You should just smack him.
Yeah, can I

Speaker 1 fuck out of Ehrlich?

Speaker 3 Just like an open-handed slap. Ehrlich's getting out of line right now.
He's going on here.

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 I want to kill this dragon.

Speaker 8 You can definitely leap in to attack the dragon. I'm going to defend my guy.
I'm going to remain distracted by the Griffin still a little bit, so you can still attack her.

Speaker 1 I mean, we have Dragon Ages.

Speaker 3 Yeah, but you're C-blocking Blake.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but I don't want... Hank's right.

Speaker 1 I'm being a good team player. Hank is at risk.
He's a little bitch, and the dragon could kill him.

Speaker 1 He's like a little bite-sized muffin.

Speaker 3 He's an Amuz bouche, and Billy is inside Blake's stomach right now.

Speaker 3 I would almost like for Billy to see this new dragon get re-horny again and then have the dragon just absolutely roast him and kill him again. I want Billy to keep getting the gifted.

Speaker 1 Billy's dead.

Speaker 3 Yeah, but he's inside Blake's stomach.

Speaker 1 So what do you want me to do? That's fine.

Speaker 6 Kill it.

Speaker 1 No, no, I'll do whatever you want me to do. Let's kill the dragon.
I'll do whatever you want me to do. Do you want me to cut?

Speaker 1 Can I cut Billy out of the Griffin?

Speaker 3 You want me to cut him out? No.

Speaker 1 I'll cut him out. I'll cut him out of the Griffin's stomach.
So now I'm killing the Griffin. Are we cool with the Griffin?

Speaker 8 We saved the Griffin. We're pretty cool with him.
He helped us in a fight in the hatchery.

Speaker 3 Don't kill him.

Speaker 8 We could also potentially punch him in the stomach and see if the hell

Speaker 1 do that.

Speaker 1 Yeah, maybe gag him, too. Ah, Norm could gag him.
Norm could definitely gag him. So see if we can gag him and get...
Billy out.

Speaker 8 You know, the griffin, since this is what you're doing on your turn, the griffin had been commenting, you know, I don't feel so well. One of those bites didn't go down so well.

Speaker 8 So he actually appreciates when you kind of like, you know, give him the hands down the throat, as it were, and uh, go ahead and roll with a plus six on athletics to see if you can whoo right in the stomach in the team.

Speaker 1 16.

Speaker 8 That is enough that suddenly flying out of Blake the Griffin's beak, there is a round object that is still wearing a horned helmet uh but it is the uh mostly digested skull of berserker billy which lands at your feet there is a single bit of flesh around the eye and one eyeball that then rotates around to look around at us and in theory the okay can speak i would like to just i would like to legit just poke it in the eye just one good poke

Speaker 8 yeah the eye immediately pokes back in through the skull and like falls through the eye socket, so there are no eyes anymore.

Speaker 1 Now we can't see anything. That's good, good, good, good.
All right. Do I have anything else in my turn or is it next person?

Speaker 8 In theory, that'll save your action, probably. Unless you want to do another attack, you can't have more than one of those as a frenzy bar.

Speaker 1 No, someone else go. Yeah.

Speaker 8 Excellent.

Speaker 8 You certainly got the head in your hand if you want to grab it.

Speaker 1 You can see it. Okay, yeah.
I'll hold Billy's skull in my hand.

Speaker 1 That's kind of badass. Yeah.

Speaker 8 Now, at this moment, you're holding the skull, and that is from when, from out of the woods another

Speaker 8 figure suddenly comes sprinting they were watching apparently from further away they are not quiet because they're wearing heavy plate armor but it seems like they are rushing towards this green dragon as though they are trying to save us or rush to our aid and as he flips up the visor we recognize the face of sir o who has followed us from the village of greenest apparently says let's get this dragon we gotta go now now if you want norm at this point since you all you did was grab this head uh and uh get the head out of the griffin you could shout to sir oh no we're not attacking the dragon right now if you wanted to you could call him off if you wish and then that would bring us to cake's turn next or you could let sir oh uh do what he's doing which apparently involves jumping up onto the dragon and trying to put it in a headlock seems to be his plan

Speaker 3 that seems pretty cool like is it me no big cat, you get to determine what you want Siro to do and then he goes to Jake.

Speaker 1 Yeah, headlock.

Speaker 3 Let Coach O cook headlock him.

Speaker 8 Headlock is out. Then I'm going to let you roll for Coach O.
The number he needs to beat.

Speaker 8 The dragon rolled a one. The number he needs to beat is a total of like a six.
So please roll for Coach O.

Speaker 1 14.

Speaker 8 14. Coach O has this dragon in a headlock and he is just flipping all around like someone trying to hold on to a loose fire hose and this dragon is whipping him around back and forth.

Speaker 8 He He is not letting go. He is riding the Bronco right now.
And he shouts, go ligers, as he is keeping his grip upon the dragon.

Speaker 8 And that would bring us to Cake's turn. Cake, what would you like to do?

Speaker 3 Cake, just make sure no pictures of Cocho riding that dragon get on social media.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 I'm a team player, but am I hurt from my last turn?

Speaker 1 You're always hurt.

Speaker 8 You are not hurt, actually. You haven't been attacked by the dragon yet.

Speaker 3 All right, I'm going for him again.

Speaker 8 Absolutely.

Speaker 8 Were you gonna use an attack against him? Is that right? Yeah.

Speaker 8 Oh, were you gonna try to use the earthbind spell upon him again?

Speaker 1 Is that what you wanted to do? Doubling down.

Speaker 3 You're going back to the earthbind?

Speaker 1 Yep.

Speaker 8 Or you could use a spell that deals damage. Or I would also point out that you also could have the spell suggestion potentially if you wanted to try to hypnotize this dragon additionally.

Speaker 1 Yeah, let's do that. Let's do that.

Speaker 8 Excellent.

Speaker 8 So already we've got this dragon agreeing with with the suggestion that that Griffin over there likes you and maybe you should do something about that. She's taking that suggestion.

Speaker 8 You can build on this now. What would your suggestion be?

Speaker 3 Let's try to keep setting them up, like Mr. Commenter said.
Can you put some music on? Like, what's a good across-the-room song for somebody to like look at?

Speaker 3 And, you know, the world stops and you just zoom in on them. Like it's sexual healing.
Sexual healing. Imagine dragons.

Speaker 1 Oh, there we go. Thunder?

Speaker 3 Nice. Thunder by.
Can he play Thunder by imagined dragons?

Speaker 8 He starts to play thunder by imagined dragons to set the mood, as it were.

Speaker 8 The name of the spell is suggestion. I feel like that's enough.
I feel like you have created a highly suggestive atmosphere. And so I'm going to roll a saving throw for this dragon.

Speaker 8 And the dragon has rolled a total of a 12, which is not enough. At the very least, you have a spell save DC of 13.
And the dragon, you see, she had one raised eyebrow.

Speaker 8 As she was trying to fight off Sir O. She turns to the Griffin again.
She raised an eyebrow and then she raised her other eye ridge. And you see that her eyes start to get a little sparkly.

Speaker 8 And you're starting to think that to her, this Griffin looks very heroic, is cutting a very impressive figure, and that she would like to talk to this dragon. And she says to you, Cake,

Speaker 8 who is that? Who is that Griffin?

Speaker 8 What is this creature? Who is he? And she's asking you now, right now. You've still got your move.
You could roll a persuasion check on her right now to convince her of whatever you want.

Speaker 1 All right, let's roll him.

Speaker 3 Hopefully, high.

Speaker 1 I'm due for a high roll.

Speaker 8 Absolutely.

Speaker 1 Your technique on roll is so bad, Jake. Jake's just so bad.
Jake's never, ever rolled anything ever.

Speaker 3 You know how to roll dice, how to cast a die?

Speaker 1 Just go by hand, due for dramatic effect. All right, all right.
Go ahead. Don't

Speaker 1 10. There you go.
Good roll. No way.
Can he roll twice? Do now

Speaker 1 do the your way, too. Let's see which which one's better.
See which one's better. 12.
12. Okay, all right.
I'm getting some respect back from my team. Stick with your way.

Speaker 8 Absolutely. So

Speaker 8 we got a 12 on that one. And unfortunately, I'm sorry to say you only have a plus one on this.
With a 13, you are definitely getting her to admire the griffin even more.

Speaker 8 But it is unclear what she is going to do to Sir O in just a moment.

Speaker 8 It still looks like she might tear Sir O off her neck and throw him in her efforts to go talk to that Griffin, which brings us to Ehrlich's turn just before the dragon gets to do anything.

Speaker 8 And Ehrlich, you're the most convincing of maybe any of our characters in some situations. You have high charisma, same as the bard.
What would you like to do right now?

Speaker 7 But I'm also closest to getting attacked, right?

Speaker 8 You are kind of in theory. Well, I also want to point out that while you're the most bite-sized, you don't have the least hit points.
You have 31 hit points, and Cake the Wizard has 26.

Speaker 8 So it kind of like in theory, Cake the Wizard might might be in a little more danger than you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you're not Christmas.

Speaker 7 I was thinking, yeah, I was thinking of using my turn to dip set and just get out of dodge, but I guess I will use my.

Speaker 1 After I tried to save you,

Speaker 5 I'll remember this.

Speaker 1 I said I was thinking about it's called fight or flight.

Speaker 1 I'll think both things. I'm going to fight.

Speaker 7 I guess I'm going to use my powers to cast a convincing spell on the dragon.

Speaker 8 Absolutely.

Speaker 8 Since you also have second-level spell slots at this point, you would also have access to the spell suggestion. For argument's sake, let's say you have that right now.

Speaker 8 And what suggestion would you like to make upon this dragon?

Speaker 1 Well, I would like to know.

Speaker 7 I have a sneaking suspicion that this woman that PFT is trying to smash is actually in cahoots with the dragon.

Speaker 3 I'm not trying to smash. I'm just...

Speaker 7 I think the woman and the dragon are in cahoots to steal our dragon.

Speaker 3 I think she's a very interesting person.

Speaker 7 So I would like to find out from the dragon if her and the woman are in cahoots.

Speaker 8 Absolutely. I will roll the saving throw versus suggestion as you ask that you should tell us that information.

Speaker 8 The dragon, ooh, the dragon roll of 14, which I believe against your spell save DC, which has just become 15, that is not quite enough.

Speaker 8 And the green dragon turns to look at the human woman who has rushed into this battle after us, watching this whole scene, kind of hanging back behind us. That dragon says, ha ha,

Speaker 8 working with her?

Speaker 8 A silver dragon who disguises herself as a human? Oh my god, I would never.

Speaker 1 So the woman's a dragon.

Speaker 8 I hate silver dragons, she says.

Speaker 1 Damn.

Speaker 8 Okay, now you still can make a persuasion check upon her right now, Ehrlich, if you wish to. Yeah, let's do it.
Oh, I'm sorry. No, no, no.
You've used your move to get here.

Speaker 8 You just cast a suggestion spell. You still have your bonus action, which means you can command your little familiar, your imp

Speaker 3 I'm trying to remember the name of Bob Costas was the name, yeah.

Speaker 8 Well, Bob Costas was the name of your little kobold who is currently following around and he's one of our minions. I wanted to point out you had an imp that you had recently acquired.

Speaker 8 You had named it after your cat. I remember Hank, but I'm LeBron.

Speaker 1 LeBron. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Absolutely. Excellent.
So you've got your imp.

Speaker 1 Baby Braun. Yeah.
It's LeBron.

Speaker 8 Excellent. So you've got your little imp with a scorpion tail.
If you would like to command this imp to do anything, it can turn invisible and do things, just so you know.

Speaker 3 Yeah, it's called game seven. Oh,

Speaker 1 roasted.

Speaker 1 It was actually game five against the mavs. So, roll, roll, roll, and then decide what

Speaker 1 they lost in six.

Speaker 8 You could give it specific instructions if you want to do anything. It could fly over and sting somebody, or it could whisper in somebody's ear or something, or it could do nothing right now.

Speaker 8 You could keep it hanging back on your shoulder.

Speaker 7 Yeah, I don't know really what it could do. Like, I don't think the imp is going to to be able to kill the dragon.

Speaker 7 Maybe if it whispers to the girl, like, let's fuck this dragon up together.

Speaker 8 Absolutely.

Speaker 1 So you're having your why doesn't the girl just turn into a dragon? I think the girl is a dragon, Hank.

Speaker 7 Well, is it a girl or is it a dragon? It's a dragon.

Speaker 3 It's a dragon disguised as a girl.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 7 Right. So we should get the girl to turn into the dragon and then fight the other dragon.

Speaker 1 But it is a dragon. You're saying reveal yourself as a dragon.
Yes.

Speaker 7 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I got you. Okay.
Yeah.

Speaker 8 I would let you roll a persuasion check for your imp, who has a pretty big bonus.

Speaker 8 I think it's at least a plus three, but you can roll for your imp to see how persuasive your imp is when it whispers that.

Speaker 1 20. Whoa!

Speaker 1 It is nice.

Speaker 8 That's how you do it, Jake. Your imp whispers, and your imp is like, don't worry, I'm great at this.
And when your imp lies over, it starts guilting this human woman.

Speaker 8 Like, don't you feel like real bad for all this trickery? Trickery is not very nice. And the imp is, of course, a master of trickery, knows how to mess with people's psychology.

Speaker 8 And you see this human woman start to look bad. She lowers her head and then she, with a roar, suddenly begins to grow.

Speaker 8 Her silver robes transform and suddenly before us is a silver scaled dragon that is decidedly larger than the green dragon.

Speaker 8 It lets out a roar and the green dragon immediately starts cowering and says, this isn't fair. What are you doing here?

Speaker 8 And back and forth, they start to talk in draconic, which means that cake, at the very least, you would be able to translate.

Speaker 8 And what you're able to pick up of the conversation is that the dragon, the green dragon, is highly confused by our suggestion spells and is explaining to the silver dragon that, well, I was originally here looking for something.

Speaker 8 I was sniffing something out that I was searching for. I'm working under orders.
I'm looking for something right now, but now all I care about is that damn griffin over there.

Speaker 8 I need to know why are his

Speaker 8 feathers so golden and his crest so majestic? Why?

Speaker 8 Does he like me? And the silver dragon just begins to laugh and chuckle to herself and then whispers to us: well, well done.

Speaker 8 I think that this green dragon could follow us for quite a while without realizing that we have her under magical spells. Congratulations.
It seems that she is well taken care of here.

Speaker 8 This green dragon is an evil creature, but you have tamed it most impressively.

Speaker 8 I am sorry for my deception. My name, well, you can call me Ellia, but the moment that I sensed your dragon eggs, I immediately had to seek you out before she was able to catch you.

Speaker 8 And she's kind of whispering this to us while the green dragon cannot hear us. Do we have anything to say to Elia, the silver dragon?

Speaker 3 Who's mad? That's what it sounds like to me. I don't know.
So it sounds like there's a little rivalry going on right here.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they've been, we're in the middle of this. Yeah.
It's a cat fight. Yeah.
Greeny Meanie.

Speaker 3 I feel like we just got to

Speaker 3 lose our focus sometimes as a unit when there are female of any species involved.

Speaker 1 I feel like... Are you pointing the finger at yourself?

Speaker 3 We got to get back to basics. We got to get back to growing out.
Yeah. Go back to our man cave.
We got all these eggs.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 And we need to stop collectively die shaming. Yes.
We need to

Speaker 1 stop die shaming. We have to start using better tights.
Yeah. We'll start

Speaker 1 shaming when when you start. My team is dissing me.
Yeah. Okay.
All right. So let's do.
What should we? Let's figure out like one decisive action that we can then leave for the people.

Speaker 1 So like, what's our next big decisive action?

Speaker 3 I want to hatch my own dragon, like our group dragon. Right.
So we have collectively a child that we're raising now.

Speaker 1 Can we make them fight each other? Can we make them fight each other to the death? Can we be like, yo,

Speaker 1 you should have heard what she was saying about you before you showed up, dude?

Speaker 8 You could absolutely roll to make these dragons fight each other. Right now, Ellia is suggesting that she could probably convince this green dragon to maybe keep following us around.
That's

Speaker 3 such an Elliot thing to say.

Speaker 3 Ellia needs to have like one little hanger-on that tells her that everything that she does is great. Her hair always looks awesome.
And meanwhile, it's all about Ellia, Ellia, Ellia. That's

Speaker 3 I want them to fight.

Speaker 3 I want there to be a blow-up, and then I want to go back.

Speaker 3 I want to hatch our own dragon, and then then we'll have a son or a daughter to look after.

Speaker 8 Absolutely. Go ahead and roll Ben the check to see if you can convince Elia to fight this green dragon.

Speaker 1 That's 20. That's another 2020.
Fight, fight, fight.

Speaker 8 Absolutely. Elia says, I am absolutely ready to show you that I can fight this dragon because I agree we shouldn't try recruiting a green dragon.
They can't be trusted ultimately.

Speaker 8 Magic, sure, can control them, but I don't trust that dragon. And I'm going to show you how we good dragons take care of the evil dragons.
I am a silver dragon and we are one of the good dragons.

Speaker 8 And when I defeat this dragon, I'm going to show you how it goes.

Speaker 8 And then I'm going to explain to you why it is I among the silver dragons who should be helping you hatch all eight of the eggs that you have.

Speaker 8 Because if we have me and get rid of this green dragon and then have all eight of those other eggs under our control, those hatchlings, then that means that we are only.

Speaker 8 And she starts counting eight eggs plus me. We just need two more dragons on our side.
And then we might have enough of a force to take on. the enemy dragons.

Speaker 8 I sensed your eight eggs and that is why I came to seek you out because I have never seen so many eggs clustered clustered together that we could hatch. And together, we need 11

Speaker 8 dragons to accomplish something

Speaker 8 against a team of enemy dragons. And if we have your dragons on our side, then we can maybe offer

Speaker 8 a group of contenders

Speaker 8 in what we call the dragon wars, but among humans and elves, you have a different name for it. You call it the dragon bowl.

Speaker 8 And if we can get our eight dragons that you have, plus me, plus two more dragons. She looks at the green dragon and says, no, I'm about to fight her.

Speaker 8 Then we might have a team that we can assemble to fight

Speaker 8 the Dragon Bowl.

Speaker 1 Okay, so now, do we want to kill this Green Dragon? Now, now we probably say, hey, let's keep the Green Dragon for roster depth because it wouldn't be bad if we had 12 in case someone gets hurt.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I mean you can always you can always go next man up right if we have a dragon get hurt now, but is that going to mess with team chemistry? Is that a locker room cancer?

Speaker 1 Can we just, can we, yeah, can we end maybe with that? Can we like ask the green dragon, like, yo, are you going to be chill about this? Like, are you going to do your job?

Speaker 1 Are you going to buy in and be a team player?

Speaker 8 You see, first of all, Elio, like, oh, this is good. We're going to recruit this person just like we're recruiting the eggs.
And we see the green dragon start to look around, confused, and go,

Speaker 8 Sure,

Speaker 8 yes.

Speaker 8 And Coach O is shaking his head and offering some warnings that he does not see team chemistry really coming together. What if we go with that adult green dragon?

Speaker 1 That minimum plus incentive.

Speaker 1 So it's a low risk. I mean, Coach O can recruit them to buy in, right? Like, we can get this guy to buy in.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 8 Coach O, Sir O says, I'm going to need to talk to this green dragon. I'm going to really need to convince it and get it, you know, working with a team unit.

Speaker 8 But I think you let me talk to that green dragon.

Speaker 8 I'll be able to take care of him.

Speaker 1 I think we trust Soro.

Speaker 3 I don't know if I like Juco Transfer coming into our squad, though.

Speaker 1 I think we trust Soro to get this dragon to buy into the team and be like, hey, you come here, we can win some championships. Okay, tell you what.

Speaker 3 We'll give it a spot,

Speaker 3 but we're going to keep it on a very short leash.

Speaker 3 Can we have Cake put like just one of those earthbinds on it so it's actually on a short leash? Mm-hmm.

Speaker 8 She says, if you let me talk to that Griffin, then I'll let you cast an earth vine spell on me.

Speaker 3 Okay, well keep her happy with the

Speaker 1 daddy dick. Yeah, yeah, try it.
Try it.

Speaker 8 She's having a long talk with the Griffin while wrapped up in these yellow magic bands.

Speaker 1 Okay. Okay.
Okay.

Speaker 1 And then, so, yeah, so where do we leave this off? How do we leave this for next time?

Speaker 8 So Ellie is gonna let us know that it sounds like if we're recruiting this green dragon who introduces herself, she says her name is Nihalaptia, our latest recruit.

Speaker 8 Then she says we're only missing one dragon to fully flesh out our team. We've got to hatch these eggs and I'm going to help you with that.
But then there's one other thing that we need.

Speaker 8 If we're going to be contenders in the Dragon Bowl, our team...

Speaker 8 needs to go to dwarven mines where a certain crystal grows by which the armor which the dragons wear are made.

Speaker 8 We need our team uniforms. And right now we don't have any uniforms.
So we're going to need to go get our team some uniforms next time.

Speaker 1 I love it.

Speaker 1 Yes. Color rush.
Color, sure. Alternates.
Throwbacks. Yeah.
Yeah. We're doing it all.

Speaker 1 Let's do it all.

Speaker 8 Next time we'll have to decide uniforms. Are we getting our last team member or are we just going into Dragon Ball?

Speaker 1 Okay. Dragon Ball.
Awesome. Awesome.
Well, Tim, thank you. We're excited.
Also,

Speaker 1 just to make sure that I understand, I'm still holding Billy's skull, right?

Speaker 8 You are still holding Billy's skull.

Speaker 1 All right, I want to smash it. I want to smash it.
Absolutely.

Speaker 1 I want to smash it on the rat.

Speaker 8 It explodes. There are noises coming out of the shattered skull.
They are now muffled. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'll take a little piece of it with me. That's it.
I'm going to take a little piece in case we want to reanimate him later so we can kill him again.

Speaker 7 Yeah, like a necklace.

Speaker 1 We'll take one of those.

Speaker 3 Can I just crush up a little bit of his skull and just snort a little and then piss on the rest?

Speaker 8 Yeah, that's perfect. Absolutely.

Speaker 1 Okay. All right.
Tim, thank you as always. We really appreciate it.
We'll see you soon, all right?

Speaker 8 Such a pleasure. See y'all soon.

Speaker 1 All right. Thank you.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 Bye.

Speaker 3 That episode of Dungeons and Dragons is brought to you by our very good friends over at.

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Speaker 3 And now, Goldberg.

Speaker 8 And now for something completely different.

Speaker 1 Okay, we now welcome on a very special guest, one of the baddest men. men alive.
He's got the Georgia Bulldog Cup.

Speaker 3 It is

Speaker 1 actor, wrestler, podcaster,

Speaker 1 Bill Goldberg. You know, Goldberg.
Football player. You know Ms.
Goldberg. Football player.
Football player. Let's talk actually.

Speaker 1 The most important part. Yeah, let's talk football first, Goldberg, because we're football guys.
This is a football podcast. You know, that's our bread and butter.
Your Georgia Bulldogs,

Speaker 1 they just are so disappointing year in and year out. What's up with that, man?

Speaker 11 Yeah,

Speaker 11 it's amazing how they hover up to, you know, in the top five or top 10.

Speaker 1 But,

Speaker 11 I mean, obviously, it's a weird season, man. They didn't have the best showing last weekend.
They pulled it out. But Auburn's a tough game.

Speaker 11 I mean, after playing them four different times throughout my tenure, let's see if they got some cajones this weekend.

Speaker 6 I like that.

Speaker 3 But you like him. You like him against the Auburn Tigers.

Speaker 1 Breaking up. And this is I'd say the scariest thing in the world is to have a Zoom break up with Goldberg because

Speaker 1 I can feel the frustration on your face and i'm terrified of you i've always been terrified no dude it's all good man i do this podcast in my sleep uh you know it's all good it's all good getting ready for the weekend man i got nothing nothing else to do uh my most

Speaker 3 moat 220 acres whoa that sounds pretty awesome that sounds incredibly relaxing hold on do you have a playlist for that

Speaker 11 i do not I do not. I just like to listen to

Speaker 11 the great outdoors, man.

Speaker 1 Okay, well, we got a guy who's got a playlist so we can maybe get you on the ones.

Speaker 3 Got a little bit of everything on there.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so we'll hook you up with that.

Speaker 1 You got it.

Speaker 3 My most important question for you is,

Speaker 3 I think you're an all-time traps guy. I think

Speaker 3 you have the best traps maybe in the history of the human race. I think that's fair to say.
What's your trap secret?

Speaker 11 I just have a horrible neck from the onset of your football career, and you have to do traps every day the rest of your life.

Speaker 3 So it's like it's compensating for not being able to work out your neck. You just get the traps muscles to become so big that they kind of blend into your neck.

Speaker 11 Well, it's in addition to the neck. You know, you got to do one.
If you don't do one, you might as well not do the other. But, you know, it's a support system, you know, for those shoulder pads.

Speaker 1 Yeah, okay. I mean, you do have incredible neck muscles.

Speaker 1 Your wrestling career. Fantastic.
I was always a fan. The spear was electric.
It was, you know, when you had the WCW versus WWF wars going on, late 90s, early aughts. You started, though, 173-0.

Speaker 1 People are saying there should be an asterisk with that.

Speaker 1 What do you say to those people?

Speaker 11 Why should there be an asterisk to it? That would be my first question, because I was a guy and did it as opposed to a girl doing it in the WWE.

Speaker 1 No, they said that maybe it was a little, like you got 173 wins so fast that, you know, it's almost impossible to go 173-0 and do it as quickly as you did. I mean, I watched a lot of them.

Speaker 1 You speared guys quickly, but do you think sometimes maybe it was a little too much too fast?

Speaker 11 Oh, man, I was on the road 220 days a year my first year. So, I mean, I don't think it's out of the, out of the ordinary that it could have happened the way that it did.

Speaker 11 But, you know, the streak was a whole, it was a creature in and of itself. You know, as good as it was coming down to its demise, you know, it was, it was a tough thing to get out of.
So

Speaker 11 as honored as I was for being that guy to go 173-0,

Speaker 11 it was a huge burden every night at the same time.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Like you said, you're a football guy first. You know, you played in college.
You played, you had a cup of coffee in the NFL.

Speaker 3 At what point did you realize that you could make the transition to becoming a wrestler? And was that ever like a backup plan for you?

Speaker 11 No, never a backup plan. I mean, I had

Speaker 11 my older brothers had ties with the wrestling industry, you know, when I was three or four years old. My oldest brother roomed with Patera, and my other brother had a house with Ric Flair.
So

Speaker 11 ironically, it was in my life way before I actually even knew it. But, you know, what got me to do it was the fact that my accountant called me one day and said, you know, you weren't an all-pro.

Speaker 11 You surely didn't bank a lot of money.

Speaker 11 You might want to get off your ass and go figure out what you want to do the rest of your life. And I had no plan.
You know, I had zero plan. The only thing I aspired to be was an NFL football player.

Speaker 11 So when that got taken away from me because of an injury and mostly because of my lack of talent,

Speaker 11 you know, I hit a brick wall at 180 miles an hour. So I had to figure out what the hell I was going to do.
I really didn't have a backup plan, even though I had, you know, was a psychology major.

Speaker 11 It doesn't mean that I was going to go out and

Speaker 11 start telling people how to run their lives.

Speaker 1 That would actually be fantastic to watch you be like a therapist or have, you know.

Speaker 11 That's a television series right there.

Speaker 1 Yes, yes. And then you, and then like if the person starts,

Speaker 1 you know, getting too emotional, you just spear them, and you're like, absolutely, pick your life up, get back to work, or I'll spear you again.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I'll give you, I'll really give you something to worry about.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 I do love how your signature move was the spear, which is essentially it's just a tackle. So you were permitting

Speaker 3 that you're a football guy through and through. You don't need like a fancy gimmick.

Speaker 3 You just hit the shit out of somebody. When you were starting your wrestling career, did anybody suggest to you, hey,

Speaker 3 you might want to come up with something that's not just a tackle, or were they just straight up impressed from the the fact that like the perfect form tackle is always going to be something people want to see?

Speaker 11 Well, I just remember the first time I was, you know, getting ready to go out. We were taping at Universal and the guy looks at me before I went out and he goes, what's your finish?

Speaker 11 And I said, what do you mean? What's my finish? And he goes, well, whatever you do, it's got to be spectacular. And so I went out there.

Speaker 11 I told Manny Fernandez in the ring to tuck his head between his legs and kiss his ass goodbye. And I hope you trust me.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 11 that was the birth of the spear. You know,

Speaker 11 the jackhammer came from

Speaker 11 Sarge down at the power plant. You know, I guess Malenko had done that overseas in Japan, and he did it from the top turnbuckle.
And so I obviously was never going to climb to the top turnbuckle.

Speaker 11 So I just put my own little flair to it, made sure I could do it to everybody 400 pounds and under, although there was an asterisk there with the giant or with the big show.

Speaker 11 But

Speaker 11 yeah, I thought it was a pretty good combination, but it, you know, it paid tribute to my football days. Yeah.
And I, and it was something I didn't have to learn.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And you were, I mean, you're, you were amazing at it.
Was there one spear in particular that you look back on, and that was like, that was the most electric one.

Speaker 1 That's the one that, you know, if they could remember me by, that's the one.

Speaker 11 Oh, I'd say, I mean, the Christian spear has been played, you know, millions and millions of times. I'd say that one was picture perfect.

Speaker 11 There were a number of people that I did it on that I was very appreciative of. So that might have given me

Speaker 11 positive feedback from myself other than the quality of the spear.

Speaker 3 I'm watching the Christian spear back right now.

Speaker 1 That is so fucking good. That's so electric.
Just perfectly timed up, every second of it.

Speaker 11 I mean, that has everything to do with the success of the spears, the guy taking it to.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yes, that's a good point.

Speaker 3 What's the trick to selling a spear? Just like letting your body go limp and just letting you just cut them in half?

Speaker 11 Absolutely. I mean, it's all about relaxing.
It's all, and, you know, one little trick is you get the guy to elevate. Steiner taught me that one.
He's like, let me jump before I hit you.

Speaker 11 I'm like, you know, that sounds kind of cool, but dangerous at the same time. But, you know, like I said, it was, you know, 10% Goldberg and 90% the guy taking it.

Speaker 6 Are you still a vegetarian?

Speaker 11 I was never a vegetarian. I don't know where that came from.

Speaker 1 That was like the biggest rumor I remember back in the day being like, can you believe Goldberg's a vegetarian and he's this fucking jacked?

Speaker 11 So that's fully debunked because absolutely.

Speaker 11 I got 20 longhorns on my property for God's sakes. I'm not a vegetarian.

Speaker 3 What's the longest you've ever gone without eating meat?

Speaker 11 Probably at two hours.

Speaker 1 So you were a vegetarian.

Speaker 1 You were the number one vegetarian in the world. You're the most famous vegetarian for two hours at a time.

Speaker 11 Exactly. So I am a vegetarian just in shifts between my cannibalistic eating.

Speaker 3 Wait, you eat humans oh did you just admit to eating humans on uh on our on our podcast i like that

Speaker 11 yeah i'd throw me in the list of uh other wrestlers that during corona are making up stories about themselves it is uh it is the new diet the intermittent uh vegetarianism i do it for several hours a day off and on off and on yes what uh did you hate gilberg i did in the beginning that you know i had no sense of humor i didn't really in the beginning i took the business way too seriously I mean,

Speaker 11 I mean, I did and I didn't. The fact that the fact of the matter is I had to be Goldberg, you know, like 24-7, you know,

Speaker 11 I had to psych myself up and I had to be that guy. And that guy didn't come with

Speaker 11 the

Speaker 11 many niceties.

Speaker 11 But once I understood

Speaker 11 why people do the things that they do and looked at that more so as flattery than it was an insult.

Speaker 11 You You know, I got it. I didn't want to rip his head off when I met him.

Speaker 1 He was a good dude.

Speaker 11 And I'm happy that

Speaker 11 they were able to provide him a job throughout

Speaker 11 making fun of me.

Speaker 3 Right. Yeah.
And you had a very long, obviously very successful career.

Speaker 3 In terms of football, you know, your career usually peaks. I think you peak athletically in the NFL between like 25 and 28, somewhere in that range.

Speaker 3 But in wrestling, even though you stopped playing football because, you know, you had an injury, you didn't make the team, you go into wrestling and you peak a little bit later and you have a longer career.

Speaker 3 At what point do you think wrestlers peak athletically?

Speaker 11 It's all it's all relative, man. I mean, I went through the ringer in football.
I never thought that I'd be able to lift again once I retired. Um, I tore my abdomen off of my pelvis.

Speaker 11 Yeah, I never thought I'd squat again, never thought I'd do anything. So it's all relative.
You know, everybody's got a different story going in.

Speaker 11 Um, a lot of the guys like myself that were beat up going into the business, you know, i was i was literally one of the luckiest people that ever laced up boots um

Speaker 11 it wasn't a passion of mine i wasn't obsessed with it i looked at it as a business

Speaker 11 i was successful i was in the right place at the right time the right package i suppose we put together And, you know,

Speaker 11 I suppose I was worthy at the time by being there at the right time to have that streak. And the fact is that if I had to get beat up all the time and

Speaker 11 truly have year after year of 220 days on the road, I wouldn't be in the physical condition I'm in now.

Speaker 11 So it's all relative.

Speaker 11 It's hard to say who's going to peak when at what age because everyone has a different story coming in.

Speaker 1 So how did that work with your recruiting to Georgia? Were you,

Speaker 1 you know, did you go on a bunch of scholarship trips? Did you, were you deciding between a bunch of different schools? Because that's kind of an idea. Oh, yeah, dude.

Speaker 11 I was the top defensive lineman out of Oklahoma. College was a completely different story.
Right. You know, college, college was, yeah, that was different.
I mean, I,

Speaker 11 yeah, I could have gone just about anywhere I wanted to.

Speaker 11 I wanted, ironically, as I sit here in the state of Texas, I wanted to go to UT.

Speaker 11 But after my trip to Georgia,

Speaker 11 and after meeting Coach Akers, the last place I wanted to be was in Austin. So, you know, the lineage at the University of Georgia and Coach Dooley, you know, being recruited by Ray Golf.

Speaker 11 I mean, it was a wonderful experience and I couldn't have gone to a better place.

Speaker 1 I mean, I grew up in Oklahoma, right?

Speaker 11 Yeah. And I was right down the road from OU.
And they were within the top five. Switzer was the coach.
If he would have been the coach anywhere else, I would have gone.

Speaker 11 But there was no way I was going to grow up in Tulsa, Oklahoma, and go to college an hour and a half, two hours away. I just wasn't going to do it.

Speaker 1 Huh. That makes sense.
Because, yeah, I mean, I've heard a ton of stories about how Barry Switzer was such a hell of a recruiter.

Speaker 1 I'd imagine he, you know, just his personality made you want to reconsider. But I understand not wanting to be like in your backyard.
I'm

Speaker 1 going to go to the house. Yeah,

Speaker 11 within five minutes of Switzer being in my house, he had his shoes off with the crown on the rocks in his hand laying on my couch.

Speaker 11 So, yeah, Switzer was the guy, no doubt.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 3 Did he show up wearing his one of those robes?

Speaker 3 He would have those like almost Crille de Ville.

Speaker 1 No, but

Speaker 11 I do remember that year.

Speaker 11 I do remember that year or a year before him recruiting, a picture of him recruiting Troy Eikman on the sidelines of Troy's game, wearing a full-length mink coat and having some of the OU cheerleaders with it.

Speaker 1 Yes. Yes.

Speaker 1 He was, yeah, he was.

Speaker 11 All I can say is those were the days.

Speaker 1 Yes. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Do you still hate the University of Florida?

Speaker 11 Oh, absolutely.

Speaker 11 Until the day I die. No question about it.
It's just one of those things.

Speaker 11 Them and Georgia Tech.

Speaker 1 It's crazy looking back on your last year at Georgia. You were the only player on the team to be drafted in the NFL.
That's got to be, that can't happen many years for the Georgia Bulldogs.

Speaker 11 No, that just, I mean...

Speaker 11 Yeah, that's absolutely amazing.

Speaker 1 to me. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, I just looked it up and I was kind of shocked.

Speaker 1 The final question is is brought to you by Cross Country Mortgage America's crazy good mortgage company.

Speaker 1 Go to ccmlens.com slash take to learn more about your future home, buying experience, or refinancing needs equal housing opportunity. I had one last question.
So you do work with ASPCA. We do as well.

Speaker 1 You're a big cat guy? Are you a cat guy?

Speaker 11 No, no.

Speaker 1 I'm a dog guy. Okay.
I mean, I'm cool.

Speaker 11 I'm cool. All domesticated animals, man.
I

Speaker 11 went on the hill and spoke about dog fighting and cock fighting about 20 years ago. And I'm a big, big, big,

Speaker 11 big advocate for the dog and cat, man.

Speaker 1 I love some dogs. I love it.

Speaker 3 Bill Goldberg, cat guy, and vegetarian.

Speaker 1 Cat guy, vegetarian.

Speaker 1 Too scared to go to Oklahoma.

Speaker 1 Yeah, there's just a lot of things out there.

Speaker 1 But do you still have Goatberg? Or don't tell me Goatberg.

Speaker 11 No, man. Unfortunately, Goatberg

Speaker 11 passed away, and we gave him back to

Speaker 11 his family. And literally, the day we gave him back, some dogs broke in.

Speaker 1 But you still love dogs to this day. Yeah.

Speaker 11 I still love dogs. Well, they weren't my dogs.
It wasn't my house. So I can't take control for it.

Speaker 1 Poor goatberg. God damn it.
That's tragic.

Speaker 11 That sucks, man. Sucks.
But we, you know, we, look at my Instagram. We had a three-legged sheep here.
We had a little bird that we saved. You know, we, man,

Speaker 11 I live in Texas now at a place called the Misfit Ranch.

Speaker 11 We've We've got zebras,

Speaker 11 we've got donkeys, we've got longhorn steer, we've got all kinds of stuff out here, man.

Speaker 3 You're Tiger King.

Speaker 1 So we'll take them all in.

Speaker 1 I love it. I love it.

Speaker 3 What's next for Goldberg in the future? Like, obviously, we're going to do that sitcom where you just beat the shit out of a bunch of tech bros.

Speaker 3 But then after that's over, where do you see yourself like 20 years from now? Are you still going to get back in the ring every five years?

Speaker 11 Oh, no, man.

Speaker 11 I have an expiration date on my wrestling days, and it's a couple of years from now because of the slow pace that I'm going at it right at this moment. But, you know, there's a movie on the horizon.

Speaker 11 There's a television show on the horizon.

Speaker 11 It's just, you know, when we get back to some sense of normalcy, when we're going to shoot again.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Do you, how much do you bench?

Speaker 1 Oh, who knows?

Speaker 11 I haven't benched in 30 years.

Speaker 1 Oh, so you don't. All right.
Vegetarian cat guy doesn't bench.

Speaker 3 That about thumbs it up.

Speaker 11 Just dumbbells, man. You don't need to bench.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 How much do you curl?

Speaker 11 How much do I curl? Like for a max or something? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Max on curls, right?

Speaker 1 30. Yeah.
I don't know.

Speaker 11 I don't know.

Speaker 11 I work out with 45s on each side. So I work out with 135.
So, I mean, you know, I'm weak, man.

Speaker 1 I'm an old man. What about in your heyday?

Speaker 11 I still squat 700 pounds.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay.

Speaker 3 How much do you calf raise?

Speaker 11 I don't do that. See?

Speaker 1 Never done that. What about in your heyday? What could you bench or what could you curl?

Speaker 11 I did 525 for three reps when I benched, but I kind of dropped it on myself and would throw it back up. You know, that cheating stuff? Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Trampoline.

Speaker 11 Yeah,

Speaker 11 I could squat a little under 800 pounds. And other than that, man, I never really did any big lifts.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's yeah. Same with me.
I don't do like other than like squatting under 800, just I don't do the big stuff.

Speaker 3 If I go above 800, I get worried because the bars that we have in my gym, they're they bend too much, and so I'm afraid I'm going to snap it when I do that.

Speaker 1 What an outrageous thing to say. Yeah, a little under 800 squatting, but I don't, I never did the big stuff.
Yeah, yeah, no, man. I mean, I wasn't that big.

Speaker 11 I mean, I was, I was a big weightlifter, and I still am.

Speaker 1 I train every night, but

Speaker 11 I'm not a numbers guy. I don't go in there to see how much I can lift.
As long as I can, you know, use 200 pounds

Speaker 11 and I can crush that thing for 10 to 20 reps, I'm good with anything. I don't care about it.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 you still look like a beast. You're still a legend.

Speaker 1 And we appreciate the time.

Speaker 1 Whenever you're back up to New York, whenever all this ends, we'd love to have you in the studio so we don't have to deal with the Zoom. And maybe I would let you spear me.

Speaker 3 He's soft.

Speaker 1 It actually feels very comfortable, like

Speaker 3 massaging your traps.

Speaker 1 I think the Zoom cut out again. Yeah, guys.

Speaker 11 Big time.

Speaker 11 I'm in New York. I'd love to stop by.
It was a pleasure. And

Speaker 11 you guys be well. Have a great week.

Speaker 1 All right. You too.

Speaker 1 Take care. Yes.
Go dogs. I bet on them.
Thank you, Goldberg. Appreciate it, man.

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Speaker 1 All right, let's finish up with

Speaker 1 guys on checks.

Speaker 1 Guys on checks.

Speaker 7 Hey, big dick daddy Hank, PFT and Big Cat.

Speaker 1 That is true.

Speaker 7 I'm a big dick daddy.

Speaker 7 I've been exclusive with the guy for five months, but don't know if he'll ever ask me to be his girlfriend. P.S.
We live 350 feet apart from each other.

Speaker 1 Please help.

Speaker 3 Is this like a stepdad situation?

Speaker 1 Yeah, what's going on here? 350 feet apart. College.

Speaker 3 So if you're exclusive with somebody for five months,

Speaker 3 help me translate that. Does that make you

Speaker 3 somebody is somebody else's boyfriend or girlfriend? Correct. It sounds like

Speaker 3 you think you're his boyfriend.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 3 But he is like, hey, we're exclusive, but we're not dating. That makes no sense to me.

Speaker 5 Move dorms next semester and see if it's just

Speaker 3 ease of access. Move 500 feet away from him.

Speaker 1 Mm-hmm. Yes.
Although, this is the old genie bus, Phil Jackson. The key to love is to live close and visit often.

Speaker 3 That's true. Maintain separate apartments.

Speaker 1 Yeah, there you go.

Speaker 7 Hey, guys, so I've been dating my boyfriend for about three months now, and so far everything has been going great and he's amazing in every single way.

Speaker 1 Cool.

Speaker 7 He's an AWL and recently got me into the show. I even get along great with his family and friends.
However, I have become slightly concerned about some of their guys being dudes' behavior.

Speaker 7 Specifically, what they have slated as beat jokes and with a capital T, so B-E-A, capital T jokes.

Speaker 7 Emphasis on the T. I still don't totally understand that part, but it's what they say.

Speaker 7 Anytime anyone mentions anything along the line of beating something, they completely lose their shit and giggle like school children.

Speaker 7 It's gone to the point where we'll be scrolling through Netflix, and my boyfriend will replace the titles of the shows with beat-related items.

Speaker 7 Example, Pirates of the Cara Beaton, Dallas Beaters Club, Law and Order, Special Beaters Unit, and so on. It's even to the point where all their fantasy football names in the league are beat jokes.

Speaker 1 By the way,

Speaker 1 that's not a... It's even to the point.
That has been the names of those teams for a very long time.

Speaker 1 Those are dynasties. It's to the point.

Speaker 1 Those are franchises that have been around for like 100 years.

Speaker 7 Where he will send me new beat jokes that he finds in his everyday life. Should I be concerned, or is this just a phase that will pass with time? Please send help.

Speaker 7 It's increasingly difficult to have a normal conversation without him or his friend slipping a beat-related joke.

Speaker 3 So it sounds like the

Speaker 3 joke has become the joke right now. Like, it's become one of those things where it's funnier to see the different places.

Speaker 3 How far, how much time you can spend in making a beat joke is now funnier than the actual joke.

Speaker 3 And can I I just, I feel like there are a lot of people out there that are just as confused as I am right now. What is, what does B-E-A-T capital T mean?

Speaker 3 Do we know?

Speaker 1 Well, I mean, I think it's beating your meat, but is it something different? Is it? That's what I assumed it was. Billy, this is why you're here, Billy.

Speaker 5 Still beat, though. It's like, I don't know.
I think it's like

Speaker 1 if you sleep with someone

Speaker 5 and then they doesn't matter had sex.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 5 it's still beat, though.

Speaker 1 They will also, like,

Speaker 1 every phase that a guy has ever been in, they will grow out of. Because that is, it's like everything in life.
Like, we're, men are half brains until they're 25.

Speaker 1 I think is when your brain fully develops.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 so, yeah,

Speaker 1 like

Speaker 1 you think back to anything that you thought was the funniest thing in the world 10 years ago, probably not doing it. You probably do callbacks.

Speaker 7 That's why my Twitter name is Haniz. Why? Because me and my friends used to do that with like

Speaker 7 knees.

Speaker 3 With knees, like the body part?

Speaker 1 I thought it was a plane.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I thought it was a play off the alcohol.

Speaker 7 No, it was like

Speaker 7 it was like, you know, like

Speaker 7 knee padding. No, like, like, we would call each other like knee patterns.
Like if you said anything that's like sucking up, you'd be like, oh, you got knee pads on.

Speaker 1 You got it.

Speaker 7 He'd be like, oh, what up, Dan knees? Like, PF knees.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 7 And then when I was making my Twitter, I'd be like, oh, you know,

Speaker 7 Hen knees.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Uh-huh.
Okay. Got it.

Speaker 1 Wow, that's that's vulgar. Yeah, no, that's good.
I just never

Speaker 7 change it. Yeah, Billy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, sure.

Speaker 3 If you want to figure out a way for him to stop doing it, I don't know. I didn't get a tone from

Speaker 3 the text that she was sick of it just yet. She's just kind of puzzled by it a little bit.
She's got to join in this punch.

Speaker 3 If you're sick of it and you want him to stop, then you have to get in on it.

Speaker 1 And then he'll be like, oh, God.

Speaker 3 Chickster making the joke?

Speaker 1 Correct. That's not cool anymore.

Speaker 3 Chickster talking to me about sex. That's gay.

Speaker 1 Yeah, not going to do it.

Speaker 7 Hey, Big Cat PFT and Norm's dick holder. My boyfriend has recently won a lot of money gambling during the restart of sports.
To keep me at ease, he tells me that it's going to towards my future ring.

Speaker 7 Nope. Should I believe him? Nope.
Thanks. And take Norm to the vet.
Nope. Nope.
Nope. I mean, does Johnny Sins go to the vet?

Speaker 1 No, I'm saying nope. No, he goes to the doctor.
No, good point, Hank. But nope.
It's not going to your ring.

Speaker 7 Ron Jeremy's never been to the vet.

Speaker 3 He's called the hedgehog, bro. I'm pretty sure he does not go to an MD.

Speaker 7 uh hey guys recently found out oh this is a crazy one all right hey guys recently I found out the guy I've been dating doesn't come when we have sex I figured it out because one day I was doing laundry and picked the cum rag off the floor and it wasn't hard I said something to him and he started freaking out and explaining how hard it is for him to come and that he's been faking it for a while he told me he used to throw the condom out the window with his ex-girlfriend so that she never found out he then started crying and apologizing it was a super awkward situation and now we never have sex because I'm no longer interested Because he didn't really move the needle for me, and clearly nothing is happening for him.

Speaker 7 He now cries when I say I don't want to have sex with him. Is this normal or should I run?

Speaker 7 And not crying like complaining, crying like actual tears come out of his eyes when I say I don't want to have sex.

Speaker 1 First of all,

Speaker 3 this sounds like the weirdest episode of CSI ever. She's like going through the hamper, extracting the washcloth out, putting a UV light on it, and it's like, no, it's not crunchy enough yet.

Speaker 3 There are some medications that do that.

Speaker 1 Well, I was going to say, maybe flush his antidepressants down the top. Yeah, too.

Speaker 3 I think, like, SSRIs do that.

Speaker 1 And then he might start coming.

Speaker 3 That's why he's crying is because, first of all, he's depressed. Second of all, he's not nutting.
And then you're making fun of him for not nutting and being depressed.

Speaker 1 Yeah, this is fucked up. You're fucked up.

Speaker 1 I stand with this guy who can't come.

Speaker 1 Never been a problem for me. Yeah, Billy?

Speaker 1 Spit.

Speaker 5 If you're a guy who can't come, just spit.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that wasn't. Oh, yes.
Oh, yes. Because fake it as everyone knows the only place to come is on a woman's back

Speaker 1 on the uh

Speaker 3 just spit on the back aim for the dolphin tattoo

Speaker 7 she'll never see it coming baby hey guys sorry big cat about the badgers how can you tell if a guy is serious about having a relationship or is just trying to fuck

Speaker 1 what's the difference I think if you're asking then it's he's just trying to fuck

Speaker 1 like this is like the old like if if you're asked, if you ask, you can't afford it. If you're asking if he's into a relationship or just trying to fuck, he's probably just trying to fuck.

Speaker 1 Because you probably would know if he's in for a relationship.

Speaker 3 I think you got to fuck to find out. Just fuck around, find out.

Speaker 3 I think it's like if you keep fucking, that's how 90% of relationships get started: you fuck enough, and then eventually you start to like the person that you're sleeping with.

Speaker 5 Or if you want to have a relationship and he doesn't, just get pregnant.

Speaker 3 Or fake a pregnancy. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Grab that spit on your back and put it up your pussy.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 7 Alright, last one.

Speaker 7 This is real. It's one of the best ones we've ever gotten.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 7 Hey, guys, especially Buffcat.

Speaker 1 Pretty fake. It's very

Speaker 3 cat.

Speaker 7 When I was a baby, I was separated from my identical twin. We got in touch with each other about six years ago after I saw an exact lookalike of myself in a picture on Facebook.

Speaker 7 We've been speaking ever since and even got a chance to meet in person about two and a half years ago. As you can imagine, I had a very rocky childhood and I don't talk about it much.

Speaker 7 I've been dating my boyfriend now for seven months, and he has no clue about my sister. I've never had the courage to tell him about the situation, but I do like him a lot.

Speaker 7 Enough to finally reveal her to him. Me and my long-lost sister were hoping to meet up this weekend in my apartment while my boyfriend is there and surprise him.

Speaker 7 Is it fair game to scare the crap out of him or way too early in the game? Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 He's

Speaker 7 identical.

Speaker 1 It could be Lindsey Lohan in the parent chart. Yeah.
But this

Speaker 1 scare him. Full house? Scare him.

Speaker 3 I think you got to scare him. And here's the thing: if you don't record it, then it's worthless.
Then you're just like pulling a prank on him that's mean.

Speaker 3 But if you tape it and get his reaction, I think the clout that will ensue after that,

Speaker 3 he'll be willing to overlook that. Yeah.
And then maybe just hint at the fact that maybe one day he could have a threesome and never give it to him. Just to keep him happy with that aspect.

Speaker 7 You should also try and do that. If you're going to do it, you should try and do it where your sister wears the same thing but a different color.

Speaker 7 And then you leave the room and then she comes back and see if he notices type deal.

Speaker 1 Uh-huh. Yes.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 I want to see this video. Even if you don't want to share it virally, just text a ton of stuff.

Speaker 7 Send it to us.

Speaker 3 Or you can ask your identical twin sister to bring her boyfriend over, have them hanging out in the house when he gets home. Oh.
And then she'll be making out with that guy

Speaker 3 and then get to see his reaction. Then you walk out.

Speaker 3 I mean, this has the opportunity to be like the

Speaker 3 all-time pump.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
PFC just scripted a murder, uh-huh, always be like a too much said,

Speaker 1 oh man, do it though.

Speaker 3 Just have Ashton Kutcher walking into that idea.

Speaker 1 I love that idea of having you making out with your sister making out with her boyfriend, and he walks in, and then you walk in right behind him and be like, What's your problem? That, oh, tape it.

Speaker 1 You gotta tape it.

Speaker 3 This is like a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

Speaker 1 Shit. All right.

Speaker 1 That's our show.

Speaker 1 Friday, by the way, we have 56. NFL preview, and we also have a great interview with Robert Eiler, who you may know as AJ Soprano.
Fucking awesome interview. Awesome.
A great interview.

Speaker 1 All right, numbers.

Speaker 3 Sticking with eight.

Speaker 5 69.

Speaker 1 Are you sure you don't want to pick 45?

Speaker 5 I'm going to go with 69

Speaker 1 every time I pick because. 15, 45 is your favorite number.

Speaker 5 And even when I'm not here, I'm still picking 69 because 69 is going to come.

Speaker 1 You don't get to pick what you're doing if you don't come to work.

Speaker 6 No, I'm not. 16.

Speaker 1 15.

Speaker 3 No, 8. I'm sick with 8.

Speaker 5 I'm just sticking with 69. And if if it hits on a Sunday, I'm not here.
I'll be so picked. Which guys pick?

Speaker 7 56. 18.
I have 66. I hate that everyone's picking the same numbers now because I don't like it.

Speaker 3 No, Hank, you got to float. We need a floater.

Speaker 1 Well, if 69 hits.

Speaker 3 I know that 17 hits.

Speaker 1 I always pick a different number.

Speaker 3 Here we go. Here we go.
Here we go.

Speaker 1 8, 8, 8, 8, 8.

Speaker 3 Rex Grossman, baby.

Speaker 1 25. Shit.

Speaker 1 And still alive.

Speaker 3 Pick for four on August 30th.

Speaker 1 Whoa. Okay.
All right. Let's see what we're going to do.
Hold my fun fact. Oh, yeah.
Go ahead.

Speaker 5 Bats can actually see into the future because they predict where the insect.

Speaker 1 Never mind.

Speaker 3 Everyone's going to have coronavirus.

Speaker 1 Yeah, do they see the pandemic coming?

Speaker 3 Wait, I want you to expand on that.

Speaker 5 So bats use echolocation to locate their prey.

Speaker 1 Uh-huh.

Speaker 5 And bats have gotten so good at using echolocation, they can predict where an insect is going by processing the spatial information.

Speaker 3 Billy, that's like, as a quarterback, when you see a receiver running across the field, you don't throw to where he is, you throw to where he's going to. You do that too.

Speaker 1 I guess that's predicting the future, though. I know.

Speaker 7 Well, I can predict the future. It doesn't mean I'm right.

Speaker 3 So any good quarterback can predict the future. Daniel Jones can't.

Speaker 1 I think it's more like watching tape in basketball and knowing that this is the move the guy's going to go to. Like at the end of a game.

Speaker 1 Like LeBron is definitely going to go right and fly so quickly. And he can throw his head back.
Yeah, so he sucks to the raft.

Speaker 3 But he's talking about real time.

Speaker 3 more like fast simulations in their brain that's using exactly you do that every when you drive a car that's what you're doing the entire time no no no echolocation yes but you're doing

Speaker 1 you understand echolocation

Speaker 3 i don't get it i read an article oh that's dangerous i wasn't able to synthesize

Speaker 3 in a smaller bit no more articles too many words yeah love you guys

Speaker 3 We're talking away.

Speaker 3 I don't know what I'm to say. I'll say it anyway.

Speaker 3 Today's another

Speaker 3 day

Speaker 1 to find you

Speaker 1 shying away.

Speaker 1 I'll be coming for you, love, okay.

Speaker 1 Take

Speaker 1 on

Speaker 1 me,

Speaker 1 take

Speaker 1 me.

Speaker 1 I'll be

Speaker 1 God

Speaker 1 in a day or two.

Speaker 1 So needless to say,

Speaker 1 I'm altogether,

Speaker 1 but I'll be stumbling away,

Speaker 1 Slowly learning that life is okay

Speaker 1 Say after me

Speaker 1 It's no better to be safe than sorry

Speaker 1 Take

Speaker 1 on

Speaker 1 me

Speaker 1 Take

Speaker 1 me

Speaker 1 on

Speaker 1 I'll

Speaker 1 be

Speaker 1 God

Speaker 1 in a day or

Speaker 1 two.

Speaker 1 All things

Speaker 1 that you say,

Speaker 1 or

Speaker 1 just to play

Speaker 1 my worries away.

Speaker 1 You're all

Speaker 1 things I've got to remember?

Speaker 1 You're sighing away.

Speaker 1 I'll be coming for you anyway.

Speaker 1 Take

Speaker 1 on

Speaker 1 me,

Speaker 1 take

Speaker 1 me

Speaker 1 all

Speaker 1 I'll be

Speaker 1 God

Speaker 1 in the

Speaker 1 day.