Mark Ingram & Cam Jordan, Week 4 Preview, NBA & MLB Playoffs

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On today's Pardon My Take, we have Cam Jordan and Mark Ingram together. Big trust levels.
Levels. Trust.
Kept on doing that through the whole interview. It was so fucking cool.
Trust intensifying. Levels.
Levels to the trust uh week four preview liam's laughing at me i expected that it doesn't hurt my feelings he's pretty much saying you're an old fucking loser and you shouldn't be doing hip sayings like trust again i expected that fernando tatis jr yabo that just happened that. What does the bat flip like? Decent.
Okay, how mad a Cardinals fan is going to get about it. Fuck the Cardinals.
That was actually sick. So we have that live.
We have some Thursday night. We'll talk about Joe Flacco got in.
Weekend preview, Fantasy Fuck Boys, Fire Fest, awesome show, NBA, MLB. Let's do it all before we get to that, though.
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All right, back to part of my take.

Okay, let's go. I love washing, and then I can't leave all on the sun, oh no.
We're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue, and then we'll take it higher. Oh, we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue.
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Today is Friday, October 2nd.

We have sports coming out of our fucking eyeballs.

Sports everywhere.

Here, there, everywhere.

Everywhere you look, there are sports. There's a ball somewhere.
There's a ball always in motion. There's a ball somewhere rolling.
It's incredible. It is awesome.
It's almost too much. It's tough to focus.
You have to really dedicate your day and figure out what you're going to be watching between X time and Y time. I wish I had more eyeballs.
Yeah. How about we should get into Buddhism? Unlock that third eye.
I need like 15. I need 16 eyeballs.
Eight sets of eyeballs. All right, about we should get into buddhism unlock that third eye i need that i need like 15 i need 16 eyeballs eight sets of eyeballs all right so we have a lot uh we are taping this during the jets broncos games we had a flash of joe flacco yeah it had to feel good pft it felt great it's the joe flacco revenge.
Going up against the Broncos, his longtime team.

They just discarded him like yesterday's news.

There was actually, remember the way that he went out in Denver?

He basically said that Vic Fangio was not coaching correctly.

And then he mysteriously ended up on the injury report the next week.

Put his neck out, and then he got his neck hurt.

And this game is going to be one of those games that everybody thought it was going to be 3-6.

In a weird way, I was hoping for like a 3-6 snooze fest. Because that's always fun to be one of those games that everybody thought it was going to be 3-6.
In a weird way, I was hoping for

a 3-6 snoozefest,

because that's always fun to have one of those on a Thursday night.

But it's actually not a bad game.

It's tough to say. Are these

two teams just equally, exactly

as terrible at each other? Yeah, they match

their terribleness. So we'll update

throughout the show.

Second half's about to start.

Sam Darnold. Credit Sam Darnold for that run.
It was awesome. I'm happy I never gave up on that guy.
But no, I did like Sam Darnold's toughness where he got body slammed, and I think he broke his shoulder, but then went into the locker room and was like, this might be my only chance to get a win this year. I have to play.

Got to put something good on tape while the adrenaline's still going.

Right.

Shoot me up.

I don't even know if it was toughness.

It was just maybe just the smartest thing he's ever done

where he's like, I can get stats tonight.

Put me back in because we can beat this team.

I was looking at the close-ups of him,

and especially right after the injury when it kind of zoomed in on his eyes.

I don't know how he puts a helmet on.

And his helmet is gigantic. Sam Darnold, big fucking head.
Big dome. Big fucking head.
First team all skull. Big fucking head.
Yeah, I don't know how he fits that thing over. He's got like the, was it Mark Kelso was the old player back in the 80s that used to have the double helmet on the Bills? That's what it looks like.
Wes Welker had one for a while, remember? Yeah, he did. Yeah, it stops concussions altogether.
When he was on the Broncos. Yeah, so Sam Darnold, he's a dual-threat quarterback.

It should be Joe Flacco at quarterback and then Sam Darnold at running back.

Running back.

Steal my Mitch thing.

Yeah, there you go.

Mitch should be starting running back.

He should be at running back and then Frank Gore should still be fullback.

Yes.

All right, so another Yabo for the Padres.

Dang.

Slam Diego is officially back.

Oh, and they're bat flipping. Cardinals are going to be mad about that.
Cardinals fans get mad. Yelled.
He's eaten. Did he eat? Feed him? He did the feed me? He did the Zeke? I'm going to do an open records request at the FCC in a week and find out if any Cardinals fans wrote letters to them complaining about the obscene bat flips that are going on.
Yes, this is getting out of hand. I love the Padres' swag.
We just have so much swag. Let's do baseball first.
One thing about Sam Darnold when he went to the sideline, did you know that he couldn't get in the injury tent? Yeah. There were too many people in there.
Yeah. I feel like Le'Veon Bell has just squatted in the injury tent, and that's his personal property, and he owns that now at Bat Life Stadium.
Well, the injury tent for the Jets' sideline is essentially – It's the hottest club in New York. No, it's the little shed that your dad builds and he just goes and sits there so he can be by himself.
It's the she shed. That's where the injury tent is like, hey, guess what? If I sit in this little blue tent, they can't make me go in and get the shit kicked out of me.
Yeah, you're invisible. You're invisible.
Adam Gase is like, he's one of those old, before they had green screens, they had blue screens, right? So Adam Gase, with his robot eyes, he can't see the color blue. It's the perfect place to hide out.
He needs some Felix Grace. All right, so let's do a little baseball, then we're going to do some NBA.
What do we want to start with? Reds didn't score for 22 innings. That was tough.
Trevor Bauer was awesome. 12 strikeouts yeah uh two hits and that's got to be so demoralizing but 22 innings like if you're a reds fan I'm sorry because that to not get to cheer once in 22 innings that's brutal but you made the postseason you made the postseason kind of.
I was thinking another team that got eliminated, I was doing some soul searching because on Wednesday's show, I was very high on the Indians. I think I picked the Indians for the World Series.
Oh, that peyote. Yeah, I was very high on them.
And I was like, why was I all of a sudden saying the Cleveland Indians were going to the World Series? And then I realized that I was listening to our good friends and colleagues, Jared Karabas and Dallas Braden, starting nine. Great podcast, by the way.
Jared is the most unbiased national beat reporter there is in baseball. And he totally wasn't pumping up the Indians because he wanted to see them beat the Yankees.
No, not at all. That had nothing to do.
Cause I said to myself, wait, like where did that come from, dude? Like you were way too high on the Indians for no real reason. I was like, Oh, Jared just incepted my brain.
Cause I played it back in my head. And I was like, he just was talking about how the Indians had fucking Sandy Koufax and Pedro Martinez in his prime and Satchel page.
Like their starting rotation was the greatest of all time. Oh, they just go slam Diego again.
Yep. Damn.
Off the wall. Slam Diego's back.
So, I mean, that second game against the Yankees-Indians game was awesome. It was as close to a football game as a baseball game we'll ever get.
Yes. It was like four hours.
Six hours. Longest regular season or post-season nine inning game ever.
It took forever. I'm not going to say where I was, but I was in a different time zone, and I was watching the end of the game, and I was certain it was a replay of the game from earlier that night.
I was like, there's no way that this game is still going on. It ended like two minutes before the 10 o'clock Dodgers game.
Yeah. That's how crazy it was.
What other ones? White Sox.

That was tough.

It was awesome.

I love the eight games in one day.

But does it really feel like the playoffs?

No.

Yet.

Not to me.

I think Monday will.

NBA doesn't feel like the playoffs either.

Like the fact that they're... We'll get to that.

We'll get to that.

We'll get to that.

I think once it gets to a seven-game series.

Or a five-game.

Once it gets to a five-game series.

Monday. Then it's going to...
Right now, like all the three-game series, they definitely feel like exhibition. Don't get me wrong.
It's fun. Yeah.
Like, Wednesday was fun. Having eight games.
Like, I don't know if you can do this next year, MLB, because it is a lot of fun. But it also does feel slightly cheapened because it's like, what are we watching here? The Cubs shout out toubs for rain delaying it so that they didn't have to have Hugh Darvish potentially

pitching the rain. That was smart.

It was a nasty day in Chicago today.

It was a downpour.

You want me to explain it?

I'll explain it, no problem.

Hugh Darvish is the slowest

pitcher on the face of the earth.

And the Cubs watched the Indians-Yankees

game last night and they're like,

if Hugh Darvish starts

this game and there's

Thank you. pitcher on the face of the earth and the Cubs watched the Indians Yankees game last night and they're like, if we have you Darvish, if you Darvish starts this game and there's forecasted rain anywhere in the next 12 hours, we could potentially have to have him sit down in the second inning eight hours into the game and then get back up.
So it's the challenger 2.0 smart. What? What? You're talking about the spaceship that exploded and nine people died and a school teacher passed away? Is it the same as the Cubs delaying a game? Because of the O-rings? Because U.
Darvish is slow? Well, they delayed the Challenger when it was supposed to be raining. So who's going to die tomorrow on the Cubs? I don't know.
I don't know. I'm just saying.
Is it Marlins? I might have just watched documentary this weekend. How many deaths tomorrow? Mark Pryor.
His arm's going to fall off. He's still on the Cubs.
What a downer. I'm just saying the two situations are very alike.
Hank, what side of your bed did you get off today? Also, shout out. One last baseball note.
I had Carlos Correa. Well, the Twins.
Yeah. Twins, 18 losses in a row.
I mean, that is tough to do. So our good friend Coley here, he keeps track of the miserable index coming out of Minnesota.
And this was one that he tweeted out a couple days. The Twins have more MVPs than playoff wins over the last 16 years.
Feels impossible. That is 18 in a row is impossible.
Yeah, it is. That's impossible.
Like, you can't have that. It's impressive.
It is. Hang your hat on it.
Just think about Kirby Puckett. Although, didn't he get...
Yeah, there was some... At the end.
Yeah. Think about Kirby Puckett.
That's worse than what I just said. No, it isn't.
Think about his home run. No, it isn't.
Think about Kirby Puckett's dinger. Putting the team on his back.
Think about the plexiglass. Jumping off the plexiglass.
Well, it wasn't even plexiglass. I missed that outfield fence they used to have because it was like you took a giant blue condom and just stretched it out.
No, no, but they had the plexiglass down there too. Yeah, it was like hockey.
Was that Minnesota or was that Toronto? No, it was Minnesota. Minnesota.
Okay, but Minnesota also had like a tarp that they would spread out in center field. Yeah, right center they had a huge tarp.
They need to bring out that tarp as an outfield fence again um so the twins 18 in a row that's just terrible sorry minnesota at least uh the vikings look good this year they look great um but i had one note about carlos correa well nobody on on the vikings got corona true from the titans yet so good job these fucks these houston astro fucks car Carlos Correa saying after they beat the Twins, which, dude,

you don't get to be like, look at us, we beat the Twins.

They lost 18 in a row.

18 playoff games in a row.

If you have a pulse, you beat the Twins in the playoffs.

We, this room, there's only six of us in here right now.

We could beat the Twins in the playoffs. I do think that there's something to the Astros finally being able

to play real baseball,

where they're not seeing ghosts, and they're not

seeing... They step up to the

plate, and every expectation isn't, I'm going to get

beamed on this next pitch. So his quote

after was so tone-deaf and

such a douchebag thing. He said,

I know a lot of people are mad. I know a lot

of people don't want to see us here, but

what are they going to say now? Alright, Carlos Correa. Your team was 29 and 31 this year.
Okay? The only reason you're in the playoffs is they have, for the first time ever, they let in half the league. That is literally the only reason.
Your team was under 500. You shouldn't even be there.
And then, by luck, you played the worst playoff team in the history of the playoffs. Sorry, Twins fans.
Again, shut the fuck up. I hope you get swept in the next round.
Who are they playing, Jake? A's, Astros, Yankees, Rays. A's.
Okay. All right, we're big A's guys now.
Well, Dallas Braden. I love the A's.
Something about the A's, as soon as they put on that jersey, we were talking about this last night,

as soon as they put on that jersey,

every one of them is like a Cali bro.

They should let the guy that plays the saxophone in still.

Yes.

You know what really needs to happen?

This has been pissing me off, and especially if you're a Reds fan.

They need to bring back small ball.

Nobody's playing small ball anymore.

I sound like my grandfather because I grew up watching baseball.

But he's right. You've got to get on base.
You need Ned Yost to get a job somewhere. You need Mike Socher.
Socialism. You need to get on first base.
You need to steal second base. You need to get a seeing eye single here and there.
Bring that shit back. Small ball wins.
That's what it's all about. You've got to zig while everybody else zags.
No shifts, more bunts. Yeah, home runs are cool.
You know what else is cool? Bunting down the third baseline and having a throwing error get you to first base. I love

whenever you could tell you're

not really into that sport because you're

like, you just want to bring back the thing from

20 years ago. I'm into baseball,

but I'm not into

shutouts. You know what they need? We need

the Duke guys slapping the floor. Yeah, I need

the less. Here's what I want.
You need a hurley

on Duke. Here's what I need.
I need

the less talented teams to be able to win.

When that happens, then everything's fun.

And if it's... Duke guys slapping the floor.
Yeah, I need the less. Here's what I want.
You need a Hurley on Duke. Here's what I need.
I need the less talented teams to be able to win.

When that happens, then everything's fun.

If it's all just guys getting up there and hitting a million.

Dude, chicks dig the Slam Diego. They dig

a sacrifice bunt. The Slam Diego.

Alright, so the other sport we have. They dig a fielder's choice.

The Heat and the Lakers.

Jake and I got in a disagreement before

Jake's Heat, which

I guess they're all of our Heat, but I don't really own

them anymore. I mean, we're Heat podcasts,

but are we? Never me.

Well, I don't really own them anymore. I mean, we're Heat podcasts, but are we? Never me.
Yeah, I don't know about that. The Heat stink.
Listen, it's a sticky turf down there in Orlando. It was just bad luck the first night.
I never root for injuries. However, it wouldn't be the worst thing if Jimmy Butler and Tyler Hero and, I don't know, throw out someone else, maybe Andre Iguodala, all got hurt so that LeBron, by game four, was playing Myers Leonard and were like, this doesn't count.
Well, it's already an asterisk if the Lakers win. Yeah.
But if they go up against the Heat and missing their top five scores, that would be amazing. So I think that if you're the Heat, maybe just start DNPing your best players so that us LeBron haters can have something to cling to.
We're just being honest here. You know what I mean? We're just laying our cards out here.
We're not pretending to be like, oh, yeah, they wouldn would have had a shot. They wouldn't have had a shot.

If Jimmy Butler were to accidentally get locked in his coffee shop and be unable to make it down to the game.

Dragic and who else got hurt?

Bam got hurt.

If they were healthy, the Lakers still would have fucking killed him.

We don't know.

We don't know that.

Watching that first quarter when the Heat made every shot

and they were up like 13 and then the Lakers were like, oh, okay, we'll just go on a 45-5 run. I just now at this point, Heat, please, please, for us that are unabashedly biased about this, just start DNPing, guys.
Start getting injured left and right. Give us something to cling to because all I got right now is it's, one, it's Anthony Davis' team.
I think we can all agree on that. I was going to say JaVale.
Two, we really need some more injuries so that we can be like, the Lakers barely won the title. You know what we need? We need Udonis Haslam to be a starter.
So that way the story is like LeBron James beat a 45-year-old guy. That's just a just a bad visual.
Jay Crowder running point. Yeah.
All right. This is very anti-heat culture of you guys.
We've got to stay positive. No, do they support each other? It's sweet.
I mean, the ratings are so bad anyway. It's like if no one watches, it doesn't even happen.
Good point, Hank. We literally said on Tuesday we're a heat podcast for two weeks.
It's so easy. It's so easy for LeBron.
It's just me now. You know what? You can take a look at the finals that LeBron's been in, and nobody watches it because LeBron can't perform on a big stage when he loses.
This is basically Bryson winning the U.S. Open.
If he had fans there to heckle him, he probably wouldn't win it. Yeah, if he had Laker Dan courtside, still nachos on him with Jack Nicholson.
Wouldn't happen. I think that's a totally different story right now.
God, I love when we just go into full-on spin zone, like, hey, this is what we really are rooting for. And you know what else pisses me off about LeBron James? Here's how we're going to get our way out of it.
His dunks. He does the best dunks that suck of all time because he swishes all his dunks.
You need a little contact with the rim. Make it look a little bit more violent.
He gets his face above the the rim and then he jams it directly through the hole not that impressive he also did that fucking total hot dog move i know you saw it hank the dunk at the end of the first half when time had expired by like 10 seconds and he's like basically was like hey here's here's what i would do in the dunk contest if i weren't a coward i do love how lebron james does score gami every single big game, but it's to see, like, okay, this is the only time anybody's had 31 points, 16 rebounds, 14 assists in a playoff game. It's the Nick Wright stat that we talk about that he always tweets out.
But I think he intentionally tries to get a different version of that stat line every single time so he can get brought up again. If he's at, like, 9 assists and 16 rebounds, he's like, well, I could get a triple double,

but no one's ever had 17 rebounds and nine assists.

Yeah.

25 points in a game.

So good job, Lakers fans.

Obviously, this is tongue in cheek.

Your team's the best team.

Blah, blah, blah, blah.

But there's one last thing.

Just remember what you guys did when LeBron showed up and you spray painted all over his

mural and stuff.

Yeah, but here's one last thing.

You guys ready for this?

This is the ultimate spin zone. So game two, Friday.
Game three, Sunday. Game four, Tuesday.
We have to find a way for the Heat to avoid a sweep because game five would be Friday. The Heat win a championship on Friday night.
We have college football and NFL Sunday. We won't even fucking mention it on Monday.
The Lakers win a championship on Thursday night yeah Friday night Friday night Friday night that's old news by Sunday it's not even worth like we might put it in the in the in the ticker for the podcast everyone who watches it shout out Anthony Scaramucci we'll put it in the ticker that's it we're not gonna fucking talk about it nope nope well Well, yeah, we'll do an update with Jake afterwards. It's football season.
So Lakers in five. Sweet.
Okay. That was too much for a film.
Jake, don't come up with headlines for the Lakers. Lakers in five is what we're rooting for Friday night.
Did I not predict at the start of this playoffs that the Lakers were going to gentlemen sweep every single series they were in? No, you actually said Blazers in five. But then after that, I said that when I was proven wrong about the Blazers sweep.
No, Charles Barkley said the Blazers were going to sweep. But you can't.
Then after they did the gentlemen sweep, my new prediction. Okay, so I want credit for my new prediction that the Lakers are going to win.
I evolved. There was a material change in that the Blazers did not, in fact, win in five.

Therefore, I evolved my take saying it was going to be a series of gentleman sweeps.

All right.

Let's do Lakers in five Friday night.

You know what?

Let's do it.

If LeBron really wants to prove what a good teammate he is, he should just sit out game two.

He should just sit out.

Give the spotlight to Dwight Howard, Caruso, Kuzma, and JaVale.

Anthony Davis, who's awesome.

Have a great day. is, he should just sit out game two.
He should just sit out. Give the spotlight to Dwight Howard, Caruso, Kuzma, and JaVale.
Have JaVale just all dunks. See how many points he can get on dunks in a game.
Alright, so that was our Laker hate 10 minutes. Oh wow, Dallas Braden is in the A's clubhouse drinking beers with them, breaking the rules.
Corona. Love to see it.
Corona. Suspend him.
Corona. You don't go on another's mound.
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. My Corona.
All right. I'm going to write that down for Boomer on Sunday.
Da, da, da, da, da. My Corona.
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Yo, Brett Rippin's got a pretty nice spiral. Like, de-spiral.
Again, he's playing the Jets. But that doesn't – I mean, spirals are spirals.
I think you can spiral better against certain teams. It's all about that confidence.
That spiral looks good. He might have...
Why is he covering... Somebody needs to check his ears for illegal communication equipment.
He's now covering his ears with no fans in the crowd? There's no fans in the... I did notice that when he first got into the game., he did that immediately when he first stepped on the field.
And if you're the offense coordinator for the Broncos, you would assume that he would know what the first play was before he went out there. But this is Pat Shermer that we're dealing with.
Yeah, that was an odd thing. Okay.
All right, weekend preview. Let's do it.
What, Billy? It's not that weird. There's no fans.
There's no sound. I know, but it's still just like it clears the it's all i guess yeah but he could he could definitely hear it's all the the cats that are in heat just screaming in that stadium right now he's trying to get that out of his head rippin looking good boise state legend not no jared zebranski real skinny forearms on brett rippin yeah he does he needs to do something about that all right's do it.
The girth of Teddy Bridgewater's penis. Let's do some picks.
Let's do some previews, then we'll do some picks. Jaguars, Bengals, stinker.
Anything. Anything.
Anyone got anything? Shootout. There's going to be a shootout.
I mean, Minshew and Burrow. Over.
This is my over. Shootout.
Calling it right now. I feel like these are two types of quarterbacks that after the game, they're probably just going to go over to Joe Burrow's house, sit in the backyard with a lawn chair, like light off some sparklers.
Yeah, have a couple beers. Yep, yep.
I like that. I like that.
Colts, Bears, Nick Foles, baby. It's all about Nick Foles.
We are fucking doing it. I don't know why the Bears are underdogs, but we're doing this.
We're absolutely doing this. This is in Chicago.
Yes. You know what? I think the Bears are going to win this game.
I do, too. I absolutely do.
All right. Browns, Cowboys.
The Cowboys should win this one. You know what? Oh, yeah.
Hank's talking about dogs this weekend. He loves the dogs.
Loves the dogs this weekend. I know that Jerry Jones is definitely going to re-fall in love with Odell Beckham during this game.
Pick the worst person for him to fall back in love with that would be the most destructive to his team, but is still super talented. Jerry Jones is going to gravitate towards that person.
Yes. So he'll probably talk about Odell Beckham and Kareem Hunt.
Yeah. I don't think the Cowboys are as bad as they've looked at times.
Their defense is bad. You like the dogs? All right, whatever.
Saints-Lions, I have a fun stat. I think that's going to be a blowout.
I think that's going to be not a blowout, but a lot of points. I think it's going to be like 35-30.
The Saints-Lions, I have a fun stat for you.

Okay.

The Saints have covered 17 straight October football games. The Saints, that means that we have never done a Pardon My Take episode where the Saints have not covered an October football game.
The last time they didn't cover an October football game is week 6, 2015. Okay.
That's fucking wild. So I have to bet on the Saints.
I don't like the Saints at all. I love the Lions.
But I have to. But you have to.
That's an insane, insane stat. 2015 was the last time the Saints didn't cover an October football game.
Why do you think that is? Squat-tober, Sean Payton gets back into CrossFit and starts feeling himself again? They're 16-1 straight up in those games, by the way. I would say the Saints, because they usually start very slow, and then this is right when they kind of get it going.
Yeah. Yeah.
Drew Brees works out all the kinks in his arm, finally. Yeah.
For four weeks. I think that Detroit is the New Orleans of Michigan.
Does that make sense? They have great airports. Yeah.
Both cities have awesome airports. They have casinos.
There's a lot of outdoor drinking. Even though it's not legal in Detroit, they still embrace that culture.
But wouldn't that be every every city every city's funnest every state's funnest city is just the new orleans of that yeah you could say that if you wanted to but it also goes a little bit into football where it's like the lions have the same type of heartbreaking losses that the saints have the saints just only have like one of those losses a year the lions have them 12 times a year yeah yeah yeah i mean the states have the super bowl so you're saying what you're really saying is the lions need like a horrific natural disaster and then a quarterback to come and save the city i'm not saying that i'm not saying you're alluding to it no i'm not that's really that's most that is messed up hank isn't it i can't believe that big cat went there i mean on that one. I don't know how they're related at all whatsoever, other than that happening.
Their losses, I think, are similar. Like in heartbreaking fashion.
I'm saying that every single Saints heartbreaking playoff loss in recent history could very well have been a Lions week three loss. Week three loss.
Okay, I got that. All right, that makes sense.
Yeah, because the Lions haven't been in the playoffs in 30 years, 29 years. No, they played that awesome game against the Saints.
They haven't won a playoff game since 1991. Yeah.
Yeah, Tony Shuffler was in that game. Yeah, two great quarterbacks going at it.
All right. One of the greatest of all time, and then also Drew Brees.
Yep, Drew Brees. Drew Brees, let's see how he does.
Seahawks, Dolphins. So I was thinking about this.
Oh, Hank loves this dog. I like this dog too, Hank.
I kind of like it too. This is my bird alert of the week.
I was thinking about how did the bird alert do the last two weeks? I didn't do one last week. I was too demoralized after the Cardinals beat the shit out of the Washington football team.
I was closing my eyes and thinking like this is a weird Jersey game. Like the Seahawks going on the road with the Dolphins candy ass uniforms.
and I was closing my eyes and thinking, like, this is a weird Jersey game. Like, the Seahawks going on the road with the Dolphins candy-ass uniforms.
And I was trying to remember the last time they played. And I looked it up, and it was the game that got delayed in the third quarter because the sprinklers just, like, turned on in the middle of the game.
So I knew something funny happened. So I think something funny is going to happen here, and I like that.
I think we all agree. Yeah, I mean, the the seahawks willingness to play in weird games perfectly matches up with fitz magic starting to percolate so i think i i think that the dolphins could do this they could win a like 19 to 14 game oh i like those weird fucking scores and and i think i'm not gonna look this up but just the eyeball test the flight from seattle to miami that has to be the longest flight in the nfl wait we had that as a no we had that as a trivia question on the dozens it was no it's it's like miami to uh san francisco remember miami yes you're right miami san francisco yeah longer because it goes juts out yes but i remember being like how or No, it's L.A.
No, no, it's San Francisco. It's L.A., I think.
Okay, it's San Francisco is nearly longer. Because it goes juts out.
Yes. I remember being like, how?

Or no, it would be L.A.

No, no.

It's L.A.

Okay, it's San Francisco.

It's Frisco.

Yeah.

San Fran is what the locals call it.

I've heard that they call it Frisco.

They get so mad when you say that.

But yeah, that's got to be what?

Like a nine-hour flight?

Yeah.

That flight sucks.

That messes up the entire week.

At least 12 hours.

It's not even San Fran locals.

San Fran.

This is what they call it.

It's just Transplant City.

Well, it's all the tech bros now. They've taken it over.
Cisco. Right.
Frisco. Right.
The richest family in San Fran 50 years ago is now homeless because Mark Zuckerberg took their house. Dems the brakes, I guess.
It was funny. Private buses to work.
When I was out there for the Super Bowl, this was what? That was Panthers-Broncos, right? Yeah. And I was i was getting a lift i was getting like a ride to the stadium or something like that the person that was driving me was a vice president at facebook and they were also driving lift yeah because they're like yeah i need to i need to make enough money to eat now that my salary covers my rent in the city uh all right ravens or no chargers bucks this is a slaughterhouse.
Hank loves the Chargers in this game. So the Bucs offense, I looked up the stats on them.
They're very average. But their defense is actually above average.
Their defense is really good. Right.
But Bruce Arians needs to figure out how to make this offense start to click a little bit because right now I think they might even be a little bit below average in terms of the NFL. But I think what we can all agree of is the Bucs.

I was going to try to say that the Bucs are the East Coast Chargers,

but that's not really true.

So I won't say it, but I like them as a dog.

I like the Chargers as a dog because, again, I'm a Herbert believer.

Okay.

I think the Bucs, I think their defense is too good,

especially first road game, even though it's not the road, but it is the road for Herbert. Is the stadium going to be open? I don't know.
Because Florida's doing that thing where they're saying like, okay, the local governors can determine whether or not to... They have the parade for Tampa Bay.
Yeah. They should at least just open up the entire pirate ship.
Yeah, I agree. I agree.
Ravens, Washington football team, that to be a slaughter. Yeah.
Pump them. They're going to pump them.
I think they're going to win by 30. Yeah, so the spread is 14 right now.
I'm going to take the Ravens. This is not my bird alert.
Can I ask a question, PFT? Yeah. Is there a chance maybe Alex Smith? I hope not.
Not on that field. Not on that field.
Him and RG3 need to be just like wrapped up in bubble wrap every time they come within five nautical miles of FedEx field. I feel like Ron Rivera, the way he's been giving up on games, I think he's pretty close to giving up on Dwayne Haskins.
He is. I think that he goes to Kyler Murray, though.
I mean, Kyle Allen. Okay.
Okay. It would be nice.
It would be a nice redemption story to see Alex Smith. Cardinals, Panthers, speaking of Kyler Murray, Hank loves the Panthers.
You love every dog, and it's going to suck because I can't lose parlay. It's 2-0 in the last two weeks.
It's going to win again, you idiot. This is going to be the can't win parlay.
Okay, so then do it. Put your money where your mouth is.
All right, 0 for 3. No, it's four.
It's four games. I will.
Okay. Vikings, Texans.
Is that a game happening? Wait, with the Panthers. I had this thought the other day.
Is Teddy Bridgewater the most boringly average quarterback in the NFL? Tyrod Taylor. I think they're pretty similar.
No, he's a junkyard Teddy. Teddy Bridgewater is way better than Tyrod Taylor.
But they're similar in that they will not make mistakes, so it's hard to be like, they stink. Yeah.
But they'll also not make any risky throws to be like, we could win the game. And the thing is, I really like Teddy Bridgewater.
And off the field, he's got a big personality. And his off the field personality does not translate at all to what he does on the field.
He'll go out there and throw like 12 for 19 for 160 yards, one touchdown, no interceptions. Yeah, I mean, you can win with Teddy Bridgewater.
The Saints should have kept them. Vikings, Texans, is this game happening? It is, right? Yeah, this game is happening.
The Texans stink. Texans, well, they got schedule fucked.
Remember that. This is their one piece of medicine.
It could be a big game for Kirk because you remember we did the math, you know, that stat about how James Harden performs differently in different cities with strip clubs?

When Kirk Cousins is in cities with megachurches, he excels.

Yep.

So this is like he's going to be breaking bread with Joel Osteen before the game,

stay up until 4 a.m. doing shots of apple cider.

I think the Texans really stink.

I mean, I said it last week when I was like,

that was a time to take the Texans against the Steelers where you're like this 0-2 team that has at least the bones of being a playoff team. I think they really, really stink.
Giants-Rams slaughter. Hank likes the Giants.
Hank, you like the Giants? You're fucking crazy, man. That's gross.
You're crazy for that. That's gross.
You're straight up crazy for that. You're crazy for that.
It's the week. Every year has a week.
I don't know about that, Hank. I'm going to be so mad if this happens.
Yeah, I don't want to see you on Sunday. I'm going to have to bet the dogs with you.
Patriots Chiefs, fun fact, the Patriots for the third time in 18 years are underdogs of seven points or more. Three times in 18 years.
What happened to the other two? I don't know. I would imagine it was Matt Castle, right? Had to have been.
Yeah, if the stack goes back that far, it'd probably be one of those guys. I have a prediction for this game.
Yeah? I think that Belichick is going to run a play very similar to either the shovel pass or the tackle-eligible touchdown. Because Belichick loves doing little winks at coaches.
You know, like he watches all the film and he sees something.

He's like, I'm going to give like a little sly.

Kicking him under the table.

But it's not necessarily like a mean thing to Andy Reid, like a gotcha.

It's almost like a tip of the cap to him during the game

because Belichick loves football that much.

Yeah.

That he'll like borrow a play and play it back.

Like he's covering a song that his favorite band did or something like that.

But it would actually be – he would do it in this circumstance,

more as a big fuck you to John Harbaugh.

Because John Harbaugh got beat by him.

So he'd want to make John Harbaugh have to watch that highlight again.

Right.

Bat flip and stare down.

Let's go.

Fernando Tati just did a, he took forever to get out of the box there.

I love this pod race team. Dude, he's hit two home runs since we started taping this podcast.
Those uniforms are sick, too. That was offensive.
I think they have fewer pinstripes, but the pinstripes are thicker in San Diego. And the logo is the Buffalo Wild Wings logo.
Yeah. 2-0 against the spread 1-1 in games What?

They were 8-point underdogs Do you have the games?

Give us the games

It was the first when Brady was suspended

Week 1, 2016

Garoppolo?

What was he suspended for?

Garoppolo

Really just Roger Goodell being a dickhead

Remember when Roger Goodell was supposed to watch Monday Night Football in his man cave

And then he never did

With Marlon's man?

And just killed probably children Yeah, hundreds of thousands of children Challenger.0. Yeah.
How many challengers of children did he kill? A hundred. They were eight and a half dogs.
They won 23-21. And then week 17, 2009, Patriots were locked into the playoffs, so they started all bench players.
They lost by seven but covered, and Wes Welker tore his ACL. So right now, the position that we're in looking ahead to this game is exactly where we were on Monday night, when in hindsight it should have been so simple like, oh, you're spotting Patrick Mahomes points in a football game.
Right now we're like, oh, you're spotting Bill Belichick eight points in a football game. Yeah, but you can never do that.
You can never do what just happened and made you feel stupid.

You can't then do it the next week and be like,

ooh, remember when I felt stupid?

I'm going to fix it this time because then you feel stupid the other way.

But I did.

What just happened is going to happen again.

It's also Patrick Mahomes, too.

It's like if you bet against Patrick Mahomes and then you bet against Patrick Mahomes again,

you might get fucked.

You're just basically betting every week against Patrick Mahomes.

So this is actually a perfect game to bet on because afterwards you can rationalize it

Thank you. and then you bet against Patrick Mahomes again, you might get fucked.
You're just basically betting every week against Patrick Mahomes. So this is actually a perfect game to bet on because afterwards you can rationalize it one way or the other.
If the Chiefs cover, it's like, yeah, Patrick Mahomes, he's the tits. If the Patriots win, it's like, yeah, he spotted Bill Belichick eight points.
Of course he's going to cover that. Right, right.
Yeah, that is. It's the ultimate out in that respect.
I agree with that. Bills Raiders, Josh Allen, September AFC Offensive Player of the Month.
So shout out Josh Allen. He's going to fuck that stadium.
Yeah, I think the Bills are going to win, but I'm very nervous about this game. Very nervous about this game.
This is a game I would love to see if the stadium was open because I'm pretty sure B's Mafia would just roll deep into Vegas. Oh, yeah.
That's what's going to be great about when the stadium gets people in it. It's going to be, I'm sure there'll be the local diehards that adopt the team just like they did with the Golden Knights.
But then it's every team circles that game on their calendar. Of course.
And it's like, yeah, we're going to make a little weekend trip to Vegas. Of course.
It's going to be a lot of fun. All right.
Last up. Eagles 49ers.
I have a stat. Two quarterbacks in NFL history have thrown for 2,600 yards and 14 touchdowns in their first nine career starts.
Who are they? Say it again. Two NFL quarterbacks have thrown for 2,600 yards and 14 touchdowns in their first nine career starts.
Who are they? Brett Favre. Nick Mullins.
Patrick Mahomes and Nick Mullins. Okay.
Verified air. Nick Mullins, future Hall of Famer and Super Bowl champ.
I like the Niners. I like Nick Mullins.
I like the smell of them. And George Kittle's back.
Yeah. So that's going to be nice.
Yeah, the Eagles are just, they're so sad. The Eagles fans are actually going, they want Jalen Hurst now.
I do think that Philadelphia is going to figure it out at some point. They're going to turn it around.
They have to. There's too much talent on the team.
The coaching staff is too good. No.
I think they have to. I'm done.
I'm done thinking that. You're pulling the court on them? Yeah.
I'm not ready. I can't quit them.
They don't.

Their entire roster, they have one wide receiver in practice.

Yeah.

One.

Okay.

I'm pulling the court on them.

I'm pulling the court on them.

I can't.

I'm thinking that they are the same team that won the Super Bowl,

and I'm just done.

I'm done.

They have to figure it out at some point.

They will.

They have to. I don't know if they will.
Philadelphia, you have to figure this out. I don't think they will.
All right, quickly, let's do picks, and then we'll get to Fantasy Fuckboys. Why doesn't everyone roll through their four picks real quick? Wait, Nick Mullins had started nine games? Yeah, remember last year? No, two years ago when Garoppolo tore his ACL.
Shit. Yeah.
Good job, Nick. Just go through your four picks.
Favorite Ravens, underdog pretty much every other game, but I guess I'll take the Patriots. Over in Jacksonville, Cincinnati.
Oh, I like it. Under Saints-Lions.
Okay, favorite Baltimore, underdog Panthers at home. They're getting three and a half.
Under Giants-Rams, 48.

Over Indy Chicago, 43.

I like the Giants-Rams under 48.

And I like the Ravens minus 13.

Bears plus two and a half.

And I have an over.

I'll take the over.

Fuck it.

I'll do the Seahawks and the Dolphins.

No one's going to play defense in that game.

Sprinkler game, 53 and a half. Oh, and my can't lose parlay.
Niners, Rams, Bucks, Cardinals. 225 boosted to 270 on the Barstool Sportsbook app.
It's 2-0 in the last two weeks, Hank. What are you going to do? Are you going to fade it? Yeah, I'm going to fade it hard.
The whole thing. I think Hank's going to fade on sight.
Not only is he going to fade it, he's going to fade it money line. Yeah, no, you have to.
Yeah. You have to fade it money line.
I am going to. Are you going to parlay it? Yeah, I'm going to tell you what it will pay.
Okay. A parlay fade of the can't lose.
You realize it's can't lose, right? This is my woof-woof parlay.

Your woof-woof parlay.

It's a straight fade.

13 out of 10 parlay.

It's my Norman parlay.

I mean, Hank, if you hit this, it'll be quite impressive.

You have to bet it.

We don't deserve this parlay.

100 to win what?

If you don't bet it, you're an idiot.

Parlays, bro.

100 to win.

Now Billy's getting real excited. $100 to win.
Now, Billy's getting real excited.

$100 to win $19,000.

Oh, fuck yeah.

Billy just looked at me like, what?

Did you see?

It's not going to.

Dude, the can't lose parlay is going to win.

But you also have to be responsible, Billy.

Always responsible gambling.

You can lose technically.

Of course you can.

Responsible gambling.

Gambling should be for entertainment.

1-800-GAMBLER if you have a problem.

That actually is for real.

This all should be fun entertainment.

Don't bet more than you can afford.

The can't lose parlay cannot lose, though.

It can, but it cannot.

Did you see what the Drake parlay hits at?

Yeah.

So if you put $100 on the Lakers to win the NBA championship, what's that, Hank? Well, you can't anymore. Yeah.
So if you put $100 on the Lakers to win the NBA championship,

what's that, Hank?

Well, you can't anymore.

But you can still bet it.

But it's not the same anymore. It's not the same, but

two days ago, you put $100 on the Lakers

to win the NBA championship, and

Alabama football to win college football,

Duke basketball to win

college basketball, the Dallas

Cowboys to win the Super Bowl, and Tiger Woods to win the Masters. And is there one that I'm leaving out here? And the Yankees to win the World Series.
$100 pays out $26 million. Wow.
That's not a bad return on that investment. Now it's probably down to only $22 million.
Yeah, ashtray money. It's really $13 or $14 after taxes.
That'd get you a studio in San Fran. Not even really worth it.
Before we do, what do you got, Billy? I got a Friends of the Program parlay. Yeah, go ahead.
Once we meet Broncos, but since that's done after this airs, Bengals, Browns, Rams, Bills. Nice.
Friends of the parlay. All of our friends Well not Hank's friends Hank hates like half of those people Hank hates all those people Hank's enemies Hank hates them all The English language And then every quarterback You just named Are Hank's biggest rivals In the world Yeah he hates Jared Goff Literally love him He hates Josh Allen Best friend It's brutal Josh Allen's a division rival Alright We going to do Fancy Fuck Boys in a second before we do that.
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Fantasy Fuck Boys, let's do it. Yeah.
Let's go. What's up, boys? It's Frankie Fabricola.
My stardom is Savage Moe too yeah

Savage Metro Boomin wants to mow

22 Savage baby

shit's gonna be a banger

fuck yeah

do you know who they are

Frankie pretend like

I don't know what you're talking about

my sit him is Ben Roethlisberger

yes he's not

playing this week well if you're on your fantasy squad

sit him down cause he's not playing

fuck Corona that's a good reminder Thank you. My sit-em is Ben Roethlisberger.
Yes. He's not playing this week.
Well, if you're on your fantasy squad, sit him down because he's not playing.

Yeah.

Fuck Corona.

That's a good reminder.

Thank you.

It's not fair.

It's not fair.

My sleeper's apple cider. Wear a mask so.

John Rochke said so.

My sleeper's apple cider donuts.

Big cat, big fat, love to get donuts.

Whoa.

One in on this Saturday.

Tis the season for apple cider.

Warm them up under your butt. You your bird with a little egg.
What's up, fuckheads? This is Antua Tagliavola. I'm starting this week.
ACDC. That's right.
The bad boys are rockin' back. If you like songs about fire, fucking, rockin', rollin', partin', and hell, you're in luck.
They're back. It's the same album they made for the last 30 years.
Repeated over and over again. But it still kicks ass every time you hear it.
ACDC, or as I call it, the perfect report card or rock and roll band. R.I.P.
Angus Young. I'm also, Angus still alive, baby.
Malcolm's, R.I.P. The other guy.
Malcolm's... I'm sad about the other guy.

Malcolm Croke big time.

I'm sitting...

Elvis.

I'm also sitting Big Ben.

Good call.

Good call for Bricio.

Cease and fucking assist.

I'm also sitting him.

That's right.

I'm very excited to see Ben on Sunday when he shows up to the game in a portable iron lung

because of his near scare with the coronavirus. Brought some praise to Ben Roethlisberger.
He almost caught Corona this week. My sleeper is Oktoberfest beer.
Oktoberfest. That's right.
It's two beer. Two beer October.
We're drinking deuces, boys. Oktoberfest is the best seasonal variety of beer.
There's no ifs, ands, or busts about it. Time to suck down a couple cool Germans just like our grandfathers.
Love it. Love it.
All right, what's up, guys? It's Fettuccine Alfredo. It's a fetty wap.
I'm starting TikTok. I'm starting TikTok because the Mafia is on TikTok now, and I knew Billy was going to take it on his fantasy fuck voice, I wanted to make sure I got it for her that was pretty easy that would be a fucking sweet episode of Sopranos my sit-em is the Giants Frankie loves the Giants that's the dumbest fucking pick ever the Giants suck they're They're gonna get killed.
You're a moron. Bet the Rams.
Bet Jared Goff. Stop being a fucking idiot.
Moneyline Duff. Use your head.
Use your head. Christopher.
My sleeper is Jimmy Hoffa. My sleeper is Jimmy Hoffa.
Jimmy Hoffa's sleeping. 40-yard eyes.
Under Giant Stadium.

Put on the concrete.

That's right.

I want a teammate, not a teamster, baby.

All right, go ahead.

Finish.

My name is Tony Tamaguchi.

What the fuck's up?

My stardom is diets.

Start your fucking diet, you fat fucks.

And my sit-em is gingivitis.

You scurvy ass needs mouthwash.

And my sleeper is Mike Gesicki.

Good night.

On the Dolphins?

On the Dolphins.

Nice.

That's actually a good pick.

Did he get hurt last week?

No, he played really well.

Yeah?

How many points?

No one gives a fuck about a fantasy team.

I have him.

Sorry.

No, no, I have him.

I actually have him.

Oh, we... No, no, you can stop.
The music's still playing. No, we stopped the music.
Now it's up. I didn't know the music was playing.
Should we do our interviews? We have an awesome interview. Big trust.
Cam Jordan and Mark Ingram. Levels.
Big time levels. I love these guys.
Mark Ingram, awesome. PFT, I had a real quick question for you beforehand.
I do have an ad read. Do you have any shorts or pants that you love more than anything else? You know that I do, and you know that I'm wearing my shorts.
It's still short season for me, even though it's October. I'm wearing my bird dogs right now.
It's always appropriate to wear shorts. I'm wearing my bird dogs right now.
They are my favorite shorts. I basically only wear bird dogs between March and October.
It's kind of just a seasonal thing for me. But bird dogs also recently stepped into the pants game.
I was wearing their pants. The other day when we were doing the stool streams, I was doing the sidelines.
I was wearing these dress pants, and they feel like they're sweatpants. They feel super comfortable.
You can move around in them. They actually stole Lululemon's designer, and now they're just doing it better.
They cucked Lululemon. They said, guess what? All your pants belong to us now.
Bird Dog's got them. They're super comfortable.
I love wearing them. I love their shorts.
They're my work pants. I could play golf in them if I chose to play golf.
I could do anything in these pants. They are multi-purpose pants and they do everything.
They're the Swiss Army Knife, the Taysom Hill of Pants. That's what Bird Dog's is.
They're my happy hour pants. They are multi-purpose pants and they do everything.
They're the Swiss Army knife, the Taysom Hill of pants. That's what Bird Dogs is.
They're my happy hour pants too. They look exactly like khakis or chinos.
They feel like silky, soft pajamas. Bird Dogs are pants, but they have the underwear built in.
It solves a lot of problems when you don't have to worry about what pair of underwear you're putting on. Bird Dogs pants.
Go check them out at birddogs.com. Enter promo code TAKE at checkout.
They're going to throw in a free pair of nunchucks. That's right.
They're bringing back the nunchucks. You heard that right.
It's nunchuck time. Birddogs.com.
Promo code TAKE and boom, you get a free pair of nunchucks with your pair of bird dogs. You're not going to want to take these things off.
I promise you them out bird dogs they do pants now and now trust levels increasing okay we now welcome on a very special guest it is cam jordan from new orleans saints it's mark ingram from the baltimore ravens former teammates now co-podcasters they have a new podcast calleds. You can find it everywhere.
You can find podcasts. Guys, thank you for joining us.
I think we should start with, like, PFT and I are pretty cool. We know what trust means.
But for, like, our fans that maybe aren't cool, like, what is trust? Trust is like, yeah, trust is just big, big. It's always's always big everything we do we do it big so it was big trust right yeah trust is just like for sure like i feel you like for sure like yeah i got you like yeah like trust like yeah yeah i got a fire podcast you know we y'all got a fire podcast we trying to make our podcast fire like y'alls.
Trust. Big trust.
So is our podcast trust? Big trust. Big trust.
Big trust approved. Levels.
It's trust levels. Y'all got them levels and it's trust.
Trust. We want some more.
Speaking of podcast Is our trust level

Higher than your trust level when it comes to podcasting?

I mean

Y'all started off before us

Y'all really got that trust between y'all

Y'all big trust between y'all

There's levels to it all

So we steadily climbing

We're thick trust

Have you guys ever been in a situation where

Maybe the trust levels have diminished a little bit since you guys aren't on the same team? Never that. Never that.
We blood. It go way deeper than football.
It go way deeper than in between the lines. No doubt.
The trust levels keep leveling. Okay, all right.
The trust levels keep leveling. They keep leveling, but I'll ask you, Cam.
Actually, no, I'll ask you, Mark. Saints versus Ravens in the Super Bowl.
You run the ball. Maybe there's a fumble.
You don't fumble, but maybe there's a fumble. And Cam Jordan's in the pile, and he's maybe big trust in your nuts and grabbing and gouging that.
No, no, no. Does that bring the trust levels down? Hey, we played the right way.
I don't know what they had to do with being in a pile. That's not what we do.
If you trust the nuts, that's not what's happening. No trust on the nuts.
That's no trust. That's no trust.
Yeah. The scrotum is a no trust run.
Got it. Negative trust.

Yeah.

Okay.

That was –

nothing would make me more excited than to play the Ravens in the Super Bowl.

That means we both reached the pinnacle of winning.

That being said, if we're in a pile and we're fighting,

we're looking for the football, the leather-bound football.

We're not looking for any other –

Yes.

I'm looking for leather.

You know what I mean?

Yes.

I got you. All right.
So, Cam, I have a bone to pick with you for two things. One is your Blake Bortles quote.
What's your problem, man? Blake's a good guy. He's our friend.
There was a Blake Bortles quote? Yeah, there was a Blake Bortles quote. Cam always snapping on somebody.
What you say about Blake, man? I have no idea. He just got back in the league, right? Yeah, he's back in the league.
You caught Kyler Midgett on his top 100. What you say about Blake, man? You said – It came off the cuff.
That wasn't my fault. Okay.
You said about Blake – I think it was – Hold on, I'm going to try to find the exact quote, but I think it was something along the lines of we're practicing against Drew Brees. He makes us better.
It's not like Blake Bortles out there throwing picks. That's not trust.
That's not trust. What you just did is not trust.
That's being trust right there because it's all factual. Blake Bortles hasn't done the interception in like two years.
That's all I'm saying. The facts won't lie.
People lie. Facts do not.
Blake Bortles never lost any snaps to Taysom Hill. Actually, that's a good point.
Are you ever jealous because you know that no matter what you do, Sean Payton will never love you as much as he loves Taysom? Luckily, I've never been and looked for love from a head coach. All my head coaches have always been offensive-minded.
I wouldn't know what to do with a defensive-minded head coach. I would be big lost.
Okay, okay. And then the other one was when you said Big Ben's not a Hall of Famer.
What I really meant, they were like, hey, it's Big Ben, a first ballot Hall of Famer in my mind. He said first ballot.
I was like, Ben will probably get there. But in my mind, I heard first ballot.
I was like, nah, he's going to take him a year or two. He might be two years out.
Two ballot, three ballot. My daughter said he's Hall of Fame, but just not first ballot.
That's what he said. Yeah, absolutely.
I mean, the numbers that he's put up, he's going to get in there. I was like, you can fight to put him in your top five of his era, and then I went through it.
Again, facts lie. People don't.
But you know what? It's going to be awesome when he gets in the Hall of Fame. He's going to have some sort of injury when he's walking up behind the podium.
He's going to be on crutches or in a walking boot, maybe have one of those old-timey fever things, like bags filled with ice on his head because he's got a headache. Big Ben's induction speech is going to be worth the price of admission.
I mean, look, what are they, like 3-0 this year? Look, at this point, you know, he's back, and apparently he's throwing really well. And, I mean, you knew what Big Ben has been in this league.
I mean, he's been a force to be reckoned with. Super Bowl champion.
I'm just trying to get there. Yeah.
Mark, you got to have it. Well, it seems like you guys have a pretty good handle right now.
You know how to like stir up some controversy. That's podcasting.
Lesson number one is like, say something inflammatory to get people talking about you. So I'm going to give you a chance right now, Mark Ingram, if you want to say that you think that James Winston should be the starter in New Orleans.
Do I think he should be? Yeah. just get people talking about the podcast.
He said he's already going for divisive statements. We're not here.
I need you to stop being presidential elect number 45 and come over here to the calmer side of life. That boy said, do I think he should be? Yeah.
I think he's exactly where he's supposed to be at the time and place where he's supposed to be there. I don know I can't just throw Drew Breesy to the wolves he's still Drew Breesy he's cold and he's a bad mother you know what I mean so I can't just excommunicate my dog like that you gotta put some respect on Drew Breesy we struggle with that at that at times.
Although, I mean, I respect his career. Big time.
He's a first bout Hall of Famer. Mark, sticking with you, how mad do you get every time they post the Derrick Henry, Mark Ingram picture? And can you explain why you look so small? Bro.
Bro, that shit is so lame, bro. Like, they literally, like, screwed me like screwed me on all levels for one to do six four 250 power running back alien dn and um you know and they put the camera closer to him i'm further away so i'm already shorter and then you let the camera adjustment angles trick you to make me look shorter than i actually am i'm not five one shit like that's what it make you look like, 4'11".
But nah, he's just a big dude, man. I mean, shit, I'm 5'10", he's 6'4".
I mean, what is it supposed to look like? Yeah, I mean, it's an all-time picture, and I agree. Like, if you post that, you're lame.
Whatever, that's not big trust. Never done it.
Yeah, actually, verbal meme. That's weak trust.
Weak trust. No trust.
Verbal meme, Mark Ingram, weak trust, Derek Henry, big trust. We wouldn't post that.
That's an example of something. We wouldn't post it.
Y'all going to make me, but where y'all at? You wouldn't post it. You don't have to come see me.
Me messed up. I don't really like that.
I'm really about that. The craziest thing.
I don't care about none of thing, I couldn't believe this when I looked this up, but the fact that, Mark, you're the first Alabama player to ever win the Heisman, that's crazy. So it's just you and Derrick Henry.
When you won that at Alabama, you won a national title too, but was there a moment where you're like, I'm set for life because I'm in the records book. I'm a legend no matter what happens just for this.
Man, I think like, you know, I always try to elevate, man. So like, yeah, I won that.
Like, it was crazy because just all the championships, all the great players that came through there. And they never had a Heisman.
So just to be able to bring that trophy and fill that void in the legacy of Bama, you know, I was proud to do that. But, you know, I'm just – they trying to level up.
They trying to do more. They trying to accomplish more.
But I know if all else fails, I can go back to Tuscaloosa and live like a king. Right.
I am. You know what I mean? But, you know, I just appreciate the love.
You know, that's always home for me. Did Saban smile when you won the Heisman? Because we're convinced he never smiles.
I'm not sure that he smiled, actually. He might have grinned, winched.
I don't know. But I'm not sure that he actually cracked a real T-smile.
You know what I mean? Yeah, I know he was proud of me, though. But he wanted us to win a championship.
He was just trying to get over that obstacle so we could go focus on winning a championship. That's all he worried about.
So Cam, we just watched the Packers and the Saints on Sunday night. Aaron Rodgers seemed to really take advantage of there being no crowd in the Superdome.
And the announcers kept talking about how great his hard count was. What's the difference between a good hard count and just a normal hard count is it just like saying certain words strangely or at higher volumes what's how do you become good at at doing a hard count probably the opposite of those two whatever you just said the opposite of that i mean it's it's like it's long lines of keeping the same cadence like you know you couldn't tell his his real his real uh cadence from you know a fake or elevated pitch, you know.
There was no, like, emphasis, like, oh, this is, like, how he's going to get you off sides. It's just like this normal cadence.
And he'd take it all the way down to the wires on a couple of them. I mean, you've got fake counts going with the play clock going down to, like, three, and then he'd just, like, rally it up and still call it.
So, I mean, that's all that was. I mean, it got on the offsides two times and really even the second time I was like, bro, he was like, the play clock was at zero.
That should have been a penalty on them before it was on us. I was like, what do we, at the end of the day, that's why he's Aaron Rodgers, you know? He does a great job of commanding his huddle.
Is it really weird? And we'll start with you, Cam. How weird is it? We haven haven't had a player on yet uh this season how weird is it to be in the stadium with no fans and no sound like does do they play the sound over the speakers does it feel like anything or are there moments where it's hard to get hyped up because there's no juice in the stadium i mean you definitely feed off the fans so you don't have that aspect to it.
But anytime you touch the field, I mean, it's not like a summer practice

where you're just going against guys that, you know,

you've been going against for the last 20-something days.

It's a new opponent.

I mean, every time we touch the field, it's like we still have that same mentality.

It's like, hey, we've got to impose our will.

We've got to do this.

We've got to take away X players.

We've got to, you know, be three yards in the backfield.

So, I mean, there's always juice there.

But there's just not that escalated level that you feel from the fans, right. Where you can just like on third down, you can't hear yourself or talk or whatever.
So if anything, it just makes every game sort of like an away game where the offense is able to adjust, readjust, check defenses, you know, whatever it is. And everybody had this, this clear line of communication where normally they wouldn't have that.

Yeah.

Has it been easier for you, Mark, on the offensive side of the ball,

like just communication,

and does it feel like the offense runs smoother

when you don't have to deal with the crowd on the road?

Yeah, I mean, definitely.

You know, that's one of the challenges in overcoming, you know,

an away game is being able to navigate and function at a high level with crowd noise, you know, going on silent count, all of that. But now that you don't have that, you're able to use cadence.
You're able to hear, you know, the cause clearly in the huddle more times than not. And, yeah, but once you – once that ball kick off and once that, you know, you line up against another team, it's go time, man.
It's ready to go. Really trying to, you know, make something happen, trying to make plays to help the team win.
And, you know, we had 250 fans, I think, just only, you know, household, family, people that live under your roof at the stadium. And, like, you know, we was down seven in the fourth.
And, you know, we could hear them all, you know, going defense and stomping on the bleachers. I was like, man, let's fill out high school a little bit.
Back in high school, you only had your parents and a couple students in the stands going crazy. So it was even exciting to have just 250 people there last night.
So it's definitely different playing in an empty stadium, but you've got to make it happen regardless. I saw that Steve Young was the only person who was allowed in the stands last night because he was there doing Monday Night Football postgame stuff.
So Steve Young was like, I think he was second row, and nobody else was in the entire stadium. Was he yelling at the field? Could you hear Steve Young? Well, no.
We had 250 family members at the game. So I guess he was one of those.
He was amongst those family members. He was 249 plus Steve Young.
Plus Steve Young. I ain't hear Steve.
I ain't hear Steve at all. I ain't hear Steve at all.
We're big fans of Sean Payton and his motivational techniques. We've had him on the show before.
We like to talk about the different things that he does. I remember one time he put a gas can in everybody's locker to remind everybody to to keep enough fuel going through that throughout the season but i think my favorite one was he like showed you videos of rats dying of rats like getting caught in in traps uh to eat the cheese right what was that about yeah it was uh i think we must have been on a winning streak and it's like you know when everything's going good everything's positive you're gonna have all these these yes men in your life you're going to have everybody like yeah like there's no way you guys can lose all these people going to pump you up with all these random stats like hey you know every every time you get a sack and a half that saints never lose or some like you know some openly like weird situation like oh like it's impossible for Drew Brees not to throw 300 yards a game or whatever whatever it is it's like don't eat the cheese don't don't into all this hype.
Just keep the locker room within the locker room was really the moral of the story. Got it.
That makes sense. So who's the bigger, Mark? Who's the bigger football guy? We've had both coaches on our show before.
Who's the bigger football guy, Harbaugh or Payton? Man, they both, you know, great, great coaches, man. They both great coaches.
They both love football. You know, Harv's all about defense, special teams.
He loves his offense, but he's a defensive coach, special teams guy. And Sean Payne is straight, offensive genius.
But they both love the game. They both put their heart and passion into the game.
So I'm just thankful. In my career, I've played for two of the best coaches in the league, two of the best organizations in the league.
So that's something I'm proud of. Okay, so you didn't answer that question.
Ooh, that real regal answer. That's what I'm talking about.
My boy, Mark, MVP. That was lame trust.
That was lame trust. You can't get me to turn on my peepees, man.
No doubt. MVP.
Mark V for president. Okay, so Mark, I would feel like a fraud if I didn't say this.
And I'd like your take on this. I've called the Ravens frauds until you guys win a big game.
Is that fair? From the media perspective, is it fair that I'm keeping you guys motivated by saying you're frauds until you win a game where either you come back from a big deficit or win a playoff game? Is that fair? Hey, you know, you're entitled to your own opinion. And to say that it motivates us, I wouldn't necessarily say that because we really don't care what people think on the outside.
So, you know, you're entitled to that opinion. And it is true.
We do need to win big games. We do need to play our best football on the biggest stages, but we're growing and we'll learn, and we will strive to be that and win those big games and to become champions and to become Super Bowl champions because we have the guys in the locker room.
We have the characteristics in the organization to accomplish those things. So that's what we're striving for, and it's not because of you saying that or anybody else saying that, but it's just because of how we are on our team and in our organization.
He's heard it now, though. Yeah, he's like, you've heard it now.
I've said it. I just said it to your face.
So now it is in the locker room. He's not giving you cheers.
I don't care, though. I ain't about to just be like, oh, yeah, guess what Buddy said.
You feel me? Like, no, we ain't rocking like that. But it's in your head.
You're thinking about it. It's nice that he's doing it because there's no cheese going on right now.
You ain't in my head. You just put it in the universe.
That shit go one to one ear, not the other of me. Like, I don't hear that.
You're thinking about it. You know what I mean? You're thinking about the F word.
I hear you, but I ain't listening. I hear you, but I ain't listening.
You know what I mean? Okay. Mark, if it were up to you, would you guys ever punt on fourth down? There's sometimes, you know, fourth and eight, fourth and nine, you might have to punt.
But, you know, fourth and medium, fourth and three and less, I like Ravens. Yeah.
Does it now – does it reverse, though? Because most of the time coaches will punt on fourth and three. When you guys do punt on fourth and three, is it kind of a mind fuck where it's flipped? Like, why aren't we going for this? Not necessarily necessarily it just depends on the ebbs and flows of the game we have a strong defense and if we have the opportunity to pin somebody back and let our defense you know put pressure on somebody with their backs against the wall you know that might be the you know the correct decision at that moment in time depends on the ebbs and flows the games depends on how the offense is playing how the defense is playing how the flow of the game is going so know, when it's time to be aggressive, we'll be aggressive.
When it's time to play conservative and play the field position battle, we'll do that, whatever it takes to win. So we'd be remiss to not at least mention it, Cam, the NFC Championship game.
The Rams, the worst call of all time, which, by the way, you guys then ruined football last year because you made everyone throw flags for pass interference and slowed the game down. But I'm not mad.
I'm not mad. You had to do that.
What was the locker room like after that? And was there any moment when people were taking this to legislation and you were like, maybe they will let us come back out and play the end of this game again? Yeah, I don't recall if we were even thinking about whether we played the end game. At the end of the day, you know, the Saints have been on the – You're talking about the P.I., the no P.I.? Yeah, the no P.I.
That shit was dead. They ruined us.
Yeah, you were in that locker room too, Mark, yeah. Right in the helmet, yeah.
There could have been multiple calls on that one, but at the end of the day, we all know that the refs aren't going to, you know, actually do their jobs when it comes to us. We put that on our shoulders as well, knowing that we can't ever let a team get close.
As you've seen in the last two playoff runs, if we let them get close and we have to, one, do our jobs and make sure that we have something that's going to happen our way, we have to take off with it and never look back. And that's any game that we go into.
You can't look for outside excuses. You have to put it on us.
So we lost that game. We looked inside and said, hey, we're going to be back in the playoffs.
We have to make more big plays. The following year, we were back in the playoffs and ended up losing in overtime to the Vikings.
And now here we are sitting where we're at, and we're like,

hey, we've got to come together as a locker room.

It's not about where we've been or what we've done before.

It's about what we're doing right now.

Right now it's not good enough.

Now we have to take it to another level.

So which loss, not to be like this sucks to talk about,

but which loss hurt more, the Minnesota Miracle or the Rams P.I.?

I don't know.

That's an off-season question.

At this point, I'm so focused on trying to improve our record today, trying to improve our record now. I don't really recall those last three seasons.
If you ask me what happened the last season, I know we ended up losing to the Vikings. I can't even tell you what game that was, where we were in the hash, because I'm worried about this opponent we got coming up Sunday.
Okay, that's a good answer. Mark, you have, I think, the coolest mouthpieces in football.
Is that something that you set out to accomplish when you became an NFL player? You're like, I'm going to change the game. I'm going to leave my stamp on the NFL, and I'm going to be known because I have really kick-ass mouth guards.
I see you pay attention to the details. This man started off trending in college.
He was the first one to throw up the Alabama A's on the hands stamp. He comes into the league.
What does he do? He makes another stamp of what he does. And yet, nobody would follow it if he wasn't a pro bowler of his caliber, an elite player.
If he was just a random special teams guy in college, not that there's anything wrong with him, but if he wasn't the Heisman Trophy winner that year, nobody would remember those gloves. If he wasn't a multiple-time pro bowler, nobody would take his mouthpiece for anything.
This guy right here, not only does he stamp with his style, he stamps with his personality and his play. I appreciate you.
That's my dog. That's my brother from another right there.
That's my brother from another right there. But, Mark, it might go the other way.
Like, what if you stepped onto the field and you had a mouthpiece that was, like, swag level negative three? You would probably, like, play a little bit worse, don't you think? Because you need, like, you know, you look good, you feel good, you feel good, you play good. If there's a mouthpiece swag level negative three, it is not touching.
it's not going near my game bag it's not going near my locker that's going into the middle of the locker room and somebody else can choose it you know i mean but i'm not dealing with it i'm sorry i got this for you guys if you want it if not just leave it there but only the only the fly stuff you know you gotta have the drip you gotta have the details i'm glad you paid this to'm glad you paid attention to it. I didn't set out to be mouthpiece king when I was a rookie, but you always try to look good, feel good, play good, all that razzle-dazzle.
Appreciate you noticing, man. You're a real one.
I am a real one. He said I am.
I am. Do you think Alvin Kamara is swagger jacking you, though? Because he's got some nice mouthpieces, too.
Well, he got... Grill.
Let me see your grill. What? What? Your grill.
What? What? Your grill. Paul Wall grills.
That's not mouthpiece. That's real deal, Holy Finn.
No, that's real. That's a real mouthpiece.
That's You Fear Me. That's flawless.
Diamonds. Dancing.
That's how I'm saying. Are those real diamonds when he's wearing them during a game? Flawless.
That's not a mouthpiece. That's him.
Oh my god. That's amazing.
That's custom teeth mold. You don't see the boy just...
He's wearing Invisalign. He's wearing Invisalign.
Boy, don't never smile like that.

Boy, don't never smile like that except to show you the flawless VVC.

You don't never see AK smile like that.

What are the details?

Because you always tell us to look at the details.

Man, the details are mandatory.

It could be the accessory to a fit.

It could be your bag. It could be your shoes.
It could be the drawn butter on a fresh, broiled lobster tail. The fried lobster tail.
It could be anything. It's the important things.
It's the small things that matter. The details.
That could be the fresh cut with the waves dipping. It could be all that.
It's just the details. However may tickle your fancy, it's the details.
Okay, so the fact that I have nose hair every day. Details? Them is details you need to get corrected.
Okay, I think I understand what details are now. It's the little things, right? Yeah.
Little things turn into big things. And they matter.
Yes. They do.
Essentials. Growers, not showers.
Right. Like you get a Mark Ingram, it can grow into a Derrick Henry.
Lord Jesus, it's a fire. My goodness.
Y'all. I ain't going to put this fork in between me and my dog.
I respect what you guys do on the field, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little protective of you stepping onto our turf in the podcast game. Now, that being said, we're trying to grow the game.
I think the more good podcasts, the better. You know, a rising tide lifts all boats.
Do you guys have any questions for us on how to optimize your podcast and make it elite? What season is this for you guys? Season, we're in the year five. Well, we started on leap day, so really just a year.
I think like four and a half out of five, number one in sports, no big deal. That's big trust.
Big. Huge trust.
Million trust. No, dude, I just – Hey, man, we're like sponges, man.
Give us some advice, man. Tell us how to take it to a new level.
Tell us how to challenge y'all for that number one spot, because that's what we always shooting for. Look, year one, just to get to year five, that's longevity.
I see him play in the Himalayas yeah seasoned veterans here's here's a tip uh when i ask who's the bigger football guy uh harbaugh or payton you answer it okay so i make my guest answer i don't necessarily have to answer it but i make my guest answer it there we go yeah yeah okay okay okay okay i got you i got you Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. You won't get me, but I'm going to get them though.
Right. Right.
Right. Do you have any questions for us along that line? I mean, I'll answer the question.
I think Sean Payton is a slightly bigger football guy. Well, I think Harbaugh is.
But I think Tom Crean has Harbaugh's ear too much. I think Tom Crean's coming over whispering little basketball plays into his ear.
The Harbaugh's is a football family, man, so I think you count out the Harbs. The Harbs is a football family from, you know, Harbs, their dad to the brothers.
You know what I mean? That's a football genius. That's football legacy.
Me and Cam know about their legacy. Yeah, legacy, big legacy, and that's on the B, on me.
I swear, folks. Okay.
All right, So I got, I got one last question. Final question brought to you by cross country mortgage, America's crazy good mortgage company.
Go to ccm lens.com slash take to learn more about your future home, buying experience or refinancing needs, equal housing opportunity. Sean Payton, who both of you guys obviously played for when he had his, we'll call it a year off, because it was not fair what happened to him, and we consider him a friend, he took up CrossFit, got an insane shape.
I've once done CrossFit and gotten an insane shape as well, and then I just stopped doing CrossFit and put on some pounds. Has anyone said to Coach Payton, like, hey, you still doing CrossFit? Because maybe you should get back to doing a little CrossFit.
You're going to take that, Cam. Nobody said that.
Nobody said that. If anything, if you don't know some of these CrossFit stories and how he brought that into our conditioning test life, we're a little bit more excited that maybe he's not doing as much.
He's transferred into our conditioning test life. My goodness.

We're a little bit more excited that maybe he's not doing as much.

He's transferred into boxing now.

So now he's –

It was the worst day of my life.

But he made you guys do CrossFit.

Wait, wait.

That doesn't sound like a CrossFitter.

He tells everybody about his workouts and makes them do it.

So he had us do a CrossFit conditioning test,

and then he had some CrossFitters come try and do the conditioning test that he made up for us. And they did not complete it.
They did not complete the test, bro. Remember that count? They did it.
They was not making none of the times we was making, bro. We was making legendary times.
The CrossFitters got up and was failing dramatically. I love it.
Yeah. What was it? What was it? It was 10 power cleans.
It was 10 power cleans. It was 15 burpees, 20 ball squats.
Air squats, 10 back, 20 back, 30 back, 40 back. Four sets of that.
Four times? Four times. And you guys killed them.
Oh, yeah, yeah, absolutely. We didn't know we were killing them until the CrossFit people did it.
I love that because CrossFit really is for people who aren't good at sports. When you boil it down, it's people who want to be competitive, but they're not good at sports.
They really try hard. Yes.
They really try hard. Yes.
I hear you, but I've seen some of those elite guys. Those elite CrossFitters? the ones that are out there like at the top of the tops.

And then, yeah.

And then ask them to dribble a basketball.

I would, I would probably ask them to go like, go join cross country before I did that.

Like they could probably kill a marathon.

Like it was probably the guys who were killing marathons that were like, you know what?

This is too easy.

Let's throw in some kettlebell weights.

And climb up this front.

Like, you know what I'm saying?

It's just, it's like, it's like, if you could do a marathon, you might be able to then evolve into CrossFit. And then do a pull-up and pull myself up all the way up.
No doubt. All the way up.
Yeah, the cheating pull-ups. Yeah, where they use the body weight.
You're doing half a pull-up. They're just swinging.
They're in a swing. Well, you guys are awesome.

You're welcome on anytime. Trust Levels

is your podcast.

Everyone go listen. Cam and Mark,

they've gotten into the podcast world.

But yes, you're now recurring guests, so you have to

come on anytime we ask.

I got one

last question to Mark.

Mark, you know

as a running back that certain numbers are

fast numbers and certain numbers are

slow numbers, right? like what numbers would you not wear as a running back because you're like no that jersey is gonna make me slow um anything in the 40s i can't wear you know ak makes the 41 look magical you know i mean yeah you know uh darren sproles the 43 he made a, he made some 40 numbers look great, but I don't think I can pull the 40 off. Anything over...
I'm really a 20 guy. It got to be 20, 21, 22, 23, 28, 28, 27.
You know, them 30s, I don't really want to touch them. But 34, Walter Payne, legendary.
Ricky Williams, legendary.

But I'm a guy that likes to stay in the 20s, man.

I like to stay in the 20s.

I think it's 35 and under.

You can't go over 35.

But I also like how he skipped 24.

Yeah, you can't go 36, 37, 38.

Yeah, 38's slow.

24 is nice.

24 is nice, but it's a little boxy.

But I also think of legendary DBs when I think 24.

You know, Champ Bailey,

you know, Charles... Did Charles

Winston wear 24? He wore 21, didn't he?

I think it was 21. But anyway,

yeah, yeah, yeah. But, you know, Champ

Bailey, 24. My OG,

triple. You know what I mean? So, I think

of, you know, some legendary DBs when I see 24.

You know, Chubb wore 24. He running that thing

properly. But I think the 20

numbers are good for a bag. You know, 30, 31, 32, 34, Ricky Williams, Walter Payton.
But I'm a 20s guy. Yeah, agreed.
Lower 30s, you're getting into free safety, strong safety territory. You don't want that.
Yeah. Or a big goal line back type.
Right. Yeah, right.
All right, well, thank you guys. And, Mark, try not to think too much about me calling the Ravens frauds because I know it's in your head.
No, you're good, bro. I appreciate you, man.
I appreciate you. You know it's all love.
It ain't. I promise you.
I ain't going to lose no sleep. Okay.
But maybe a little. I'm going to eat good.
But maybe a little. I'm going to go run some war zone later.
Oh, we got to link up. Yeah.
You know what I mean? Meet us in the Gulag. Man, add me.
Deuce getting loose. You know what I mean? I'm a Gulag champion.
You know what I mean? A.K.A. Revive King.
A.K.A. Down King.
A.K.A. Sniper Gang King.
A.K.A. Just Come See Me.
I got big dubs in that too. Come see me.
I love it. All right, yeah.
Trust levels. Check it out.
Thank you, guys. Hopefully, we're Big Trust now, but we appreciate you coming on.
No, y'all love, bro. We appreciate y'all having us on.
Man, keep plumbing us, man, so we can be battling for that number one spot. What, what, what? Yeah.
That's what we'll do. We'll pump you up until you get close, and then we're just going to start a podcast war with you.
Mm-hmm. We're just going to be ruthless.
Yes. The Trust War.
Big. Big beach.
Trust only goes so deep when it comes to the top of the iTunes charts. Yes.
Verbal meme. I appreciate y'all having us on.
Part of my take is Derek Henry. Trust levels is Mark Ingram.
That's where the podcasts are right now. Oh.
Oh, he's done it. I see what you're trying to do.
That's just starting the war. We're trying to help.
We're trying to lift everyone up. That's just starting the war.
Now here's what you do. Yeah.
You publicize your next podcast that comes out by saying, we respond to allegations that big trust is Mark Ingram, and that part of my take is Derek Henry. Yes.
And then people listen to that. Then we feed off each other.
Iron sharpens iron. Okay.
All right, guys. Thank you so much.
best of luck the rest of the season see you guys all right thanks you guys take it easy that interview with big trust was brought to you by our very good friends over at zip recruiter when it comes to scoring great hires for your business you're going to be up against some obstacles like lots of applicants but difficulty finding the right ones for your job or finding the time to hire while running your business, plus trying to ensure workplace safety. That's why you need ZipRecruiter on your team.
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The smartest way to hire. All right, let's finish up.
We got FireFest. FireFest of the week.
We do. I know we have a FireFest from Jake too.
Actually, let's start with Jake. Jake, you're FireFest.
Why don't you start? And then we'll go around the room. We'll wrap up a great week, a part of my take, and then we'll wish everyone a happy football weekend.
Thank you for the toss, Mr. Katt.
Why are you sitting up so... That was one of the worst of the Shots I've ever seen in my life.
Jets are back. Adam Gase is back.
Jets are back. Damn.
I love watching the games while we're recording. Like, you started the show and you're like, I'm sure the listeners are out.
No, they like this. You know what? I know they love this.
Billy is very bad. Fernando Tatis has hit six home runs during this show.
Because he spoiled it earlier. My firefest earlier for some background noise was, it was cake day and I ain't getting cake.
And then's like oh that would be a shame if Hank really oh Billy just like pulled out a fake cake that he was gonna take him with Billy that's good to do on a podcast I was getting but Hank had a smirk on his face before I saw so there's something going on but bottom line is I will make your cake I for I honestly forgot. Maybe lay off the doobies, Hank.
Yeah. You're going to make it for tomorrow? If I can make it here, yeah.
I'll make it tomorrow. You're going to make it here? Do we have an oven? He's going to make it in the microwave.
Do we have an oven? I think we have an oven. Yeah, we've got an oven.
He's going to make it in the microwave. This cake is going to stop.
He's going to make it in the microwave. You know he's going to make it in the microwave.
This cake is going to be hilarious. It's because it's September and the NBA finals are on.

It's like I forgot basketball was even going on.

Yeah, that's it.

That's my bad.

Right, right, right.

It's October.

I agree.

It's all right.

The Lakers are going to win.

I don't need the cake.

I'm going to make you the cake, Jake.

Don't worry.

But everyone here wants the cake, too.

You can eat whatever you want, too.

Oh, wow.

Jake's giving you permission, Hank.

I'm going to make a weed cake.

Hank, you should make a three-cheat cake.

Oh, that would be good. I'm going to.
Yeah. But don't tell anybody.
I'm going to certainly not be eating this cake. Oh, Jake, you have to eat the cake.
No matter what, you have to eat the cake. No.
Make an ecstasy cake. Watch Jake just rub off.
I'm going to make a Roman cake. You know what? I'll bring in some pacifiers for my son's crib, and you make an ecstasy cake, and in the middle will be pacifiers, and Jake will just suck on a pacifier for the rest of the day.
Bring out some glow lights. I won the bet.
I shouldn't be the one. Yeah, you're going to get a cake, a fire-ass cake.
Dude, you're going to feel great. It's going to feel great.
It's Friday. Yeah, it is Friday.
Better not eat that cake, Jake. What if Jake took MDMA, and everybody else gets super happy, and Jake just can't stop cussing? Oh, that'd be awesome.
That'd be awesome. Just unlocks the part of his brain that had been previously dormant.
Jake, if you swear right now, I'll make sure that Hank doesn't put any drugs in the cake. Oh, man.
No, because I don't have to eat the cake. Okay.
All right. Hank, your fire fest.
Yeah. My fire fest is that the person that lives above my apartment left their bath on.
Oh, yeah. Dude, this is.
Wait. Hold on.
That sounds cool. We've been doing fire fest for a long time.
This actually might be the first real fire fest. It's pretty bad.
This is crazy. This is Monday morning.
I woke up and it literally looked like in the movies like when someone is trying to sneak in

the ceiling and they fall through

the ceiling into the living room

and they're like, oh, didn't expect

to see me here. There's just a giant

hole in my bathroom. I can see into the

person who lived in the Bosby apartment because they

left their bath on.

At first, it was just a...

I walked in on Monday morning and there was a

five to six inch bubble

of water and then it just all

Thank you. like left their bath on.
And at first it was just a, you know, like I walked in on Monday morning and there was like a five to six inch bubble of water. And then it just all fell all the way through.
So you can see the person when they're taking a shower now? No, I don't, they haven't been there. I haven't, I haven't seen anything, but like, it's awkward.
Where did it fall through to your bathroom? Into my bathroom. And so what is, uh, there's been like people coming in and out of my apartment all week.
Norman's going crazy. I had to bring Norman to the office.
Also, I was walking Norman last night, and he's a little dog. And so if I do a small jog...
Cat, that's what they call it. If I do a small jog, he sprints and gets really tired, and I was doing that.
I was in my slippers, and I just tripped and fell. And it was the most embarrassing thing.
Luckily, no one was around me. It's been, what, a good two weeks since you've had an incident where you just fall over and get road rash? It was basically the same thing except I wasn't going like 30 miles an hour.
Did Normie come up to you and like sniff you and was like, Hank, are you dead? No, I literally just got up and was like, what the fuck? That would have been awesome if Normie thought you were dead and like started to eat your ears. You could have fallen.
We got a sustenance. I'm going to be here a while in the middle of Manhattan.
All right, PFT, you got a fire fest? Yeah, my fire fest of the week is that the XFL just announced that they're coming back not this year but next year. So on one hand, I don't have to get into shape yet.
On the other, I'm just going to get fat. I was actually like in the back of my head, I was thinking, okay, tryouts are in four months.
I should probably try to get strong. I was asking Billy to start training me soon.
Now I've got like an entire year extension on my big final project. So obviously like I'm just going to get I'm just going to use that year to get fatter.
Enjoy yourself. Cheat day.
Cheat year. Cheat year.
Cheat year. It starts right now.
You should do a cheat year. But I also realized that I'm going to be 37 years old when it kicks off.
Oldest NFL player ever. Yes, that's right.
I'm the oldest rookie in the history of football, I think. But like 37, when I said that out loud, I was like, at that point, I felt old for the first time in my life.
That was when you first felt old? In the back of my head. I've been feeling old for a while now.
I've been telling myself that I'm like 28. My brain feels like it's 28.
The Halloween conversation we had last week. Yeah, exactly.
I feel like I'm a 28-year-old still. And just knowing that in a year, in like four months, I'm going to be 37.
I'm due for a midlife crisis. Yeah.
So will you stop thinking you're 28? Which is probably just actually thinking that I can be a football player and trying out for a professional that is my okay now it's starting to make perfect sense to me so are you going to still think you're 28 or you're going to graduate to 29 i think i got to jump to 30 oh wow that's how it's a huge because that's old i did that five years ago yeah it's scary i'm going to be 37 which means i'll feel like i'm 30 which means i'm going to feel old yeah which is basically like in is basically like in your late 20s. 37 is the first time in your 30s, though, that it sounds like you're old as shit.
Yeah, I think 35 felt old. Yeah.
35 felt old. Am I old? Yeah, when you run for president.
Am I old? Be honest. Be honest, Billy.
Okay, you guys are kind of old. Yeah, we're very old.
My first met you, it was kind of like, oh. Yeah.
Early 30s, now it's kind of like. We were born in the 80s.
That's old, especially in this office. I feel even older.
Hank remembers the Challenger. That's how old he is.
Hank was cried for the Challenger. It's my first, yeah, my first memory.
It's a crazy documentary, honestly. It is.
I did see it. It pisses you off.
My firefest is my my ongoing um need for public confrontation that goes nowhere i got mass shamed oh really yeah so i had a i had it i had it around my neck and i was walking outside which i'm pretty sure if you're walking outside and you're like i was walking outside the person was six feet away from me she she scolded me and was like i'm wearing wearing a mask to protect you. You're not wearing yours to protect me.
But isn't outside and six feet away totally good? I think it probably depends on what level of Karen you're running into. Yeah.
Can you just say I'm a father? Well, I had my baby with me, but the best part was, so this is where I got my real high. She was wearing a Cleveland Indians hat, and I went back to her and i said your hat offends me and we had a fucking moment and it was awesome did she respect that was she like okay that was she was like what are you talking about it was fucking awesome it felt so good my my thing is i i try to remember all the time but sometimes i forget because i'm a forgetful guy right and i was walking in an area where there weren't many people at all and like it wasn't on the side oh another pick jets might be back it wasn't like on a sidewalk it was like in a nice like park area where there weren't a lot of people's early morning so there weren't a lot of people out i had it around my neck i was very far away from everyone she scolded me so what the problem is is that when people catch you in a moment like that they make a lot of assumptions that you're like an anti-mask right when i had it around my neck i just was i was just walking around a more appropriate conversation would have been hey would you mind putting your mask on but now everyone's so pissed at each other all the time it's like you assume that because there's one thing about somebody that doesn't match up with what your preconceived notions are that they're on the opposite side of an argument with you when in reality you're like oh yeah i usually wear a mask right but you just caught me in a second where i didn't happen to have it up right and then i went up there with the indian and it makes you want to wear it less because she yelled at you about right right now i'm like fuck this you don't tell me what to do yeah but she she her brain locked up when i Kecko's hard stand by and stand down.
Yes, exactly. You stand back, baby.
All right, Billy, your fire fest. My fire fest is that I'm in the middle of writing an essay, and I've lost all motivation to write the essay.
It's only two letters. That's a dad joke.
I'm getting older. You guys are at that conversation.
I cannot relate to it all. The one we had like two seconds ago where you guys were talking about masks and stuff.
Yeah. Why? Because you never wear one? No, no.
You spit on people and you go to Walmart with your iPhone out being like, kick me out. I know my rights.
No, it's because you guys sound old as hell. For wearing masks? No, for that whole conversation about just like people and stuff.
Wearing shoelaces is old as hell. Am I right, Billy? Yeah.
What was the mask thing? What was old about that? What was old? You guys would be like two different people's sides. Oh, talking about like Billy, it's because I was able to complete a thought without making a dick joke.
Billy's like No. Oh, what the fuck? No, it was just an older conversation.
Like, I would not have that conversation with my friends. What would you give us conversation with my friends.
Let's finish the show.

Can you read us some of your group texts?

Yeah, read us your group texts.

I want you to tell the story that Big Cat told,

but pretend it happened to you.

I'm in a lobby playing Call of Duty with you.

Yeah, we're going to do a number while we do it.

But go ahead.

Read the group text.

What's up, man?

30.

17.

18.

8.

65. Some guy said no one will believe him, but? 30.
17. 18.
8. 65.

Some guy said no one will believe him, but he's guessed it right two days in a row.

Yeah, right.

I believe him.

What is it?

92.

92.

Albert Hainsworth.

All right.

Have you recently arrested?

Probably, yeah.

I think so.

Rich?

I mean, yeah, probably.

I saw him in the news.

That guy.

Yeah, Albert Hainsworth, arrested on domestic assault charge.

Garter snakes have orgies.

Disavowed.

Not the garter snakes.

No, give us your bros.

Let's pretend we're your bros.

Like, bro, what do you want to do tonight?

You want to rip some box?

And then you don't know if I'm talking about Xbox or pussy?

Give us the group me.

Give us the group me.

That's where everything goes down.

I'm not giving them the group me.

Oh, wow, Billy just finstagrammed us. Yeah.
You won't show your parents the real one. He's not going to find anything that he's going to say.
Billy, just act like you had that exact same experience that Big Cat had. So, like, a lady says, put on a mask.
And I'm like, okay, word. Sorry I didn't put it on because I'm a respectful young man.
Word. You sound so old, Billy.
Yeah. No, that was respectful.
Okay, boomer. Respecting elders.
All right. Everyone enjoy your football weekend.
We will see you Monday, Sunday night. And wear a mask.
And the Jets are back. Adam Gase, you have a contract extension.
I think you have to at this point. Got to lock that team in the offensive talent up.
When a game like this happens in primetime, it means about 10 times more for your financial security with that team.

I've been watching the quarterback play from the Broncos.

I think John Elway just watches the mechanics

and never watches the result of the play.

He's like, yeah, that was a good-looking throw.

You stood tall in the pocket, young man.

Well, it's like being wrong.

If you show your work, you can still get partial credit.

That's true.

Right.

Love you guys. I'm talking away I don't know what to say I'll say it anyway Today is another day to find you Shying away I'm coming for your love, okay? Bye.
Oh, yeah. So needless to say I'm all descended

But I'll be the stone

Well, in a way

I'm slowly learning

The fight is okay

Say after me

A place for them to be safe