NFL Week 2 Recap, Fastest 2 Minutes & NBA Playoffs

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On today's Pardon My Take, we have NFL Week 2.

I almost said 3.

My brain is melting.

Don't do that.

Don't skip ahead.

It was an incredible, incredible Sunday, incredible weekend of football, incredible weekend of

sports. Sports are so back.
Holy shit. It was wall to wall.
I'm going to talk about all of it. We are actually in Philadelphia right now for the new Barstool Sportsbook app, so we do not have Dion on this week.
When we're in Philadelphia, we won't be getting him on, but we'll have him back on next week. So we have everything.
Fastest two minutes. Recap of every game.
Who's back of the week. Football guy of the week.
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Boy! Boy! Now in the street there is violence. then a lot of stuff, work to be done No place to hang out, no washing And then I can't lay all on the sun Oh no, we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue And then we'll take it higher Oh, we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue It's Part of My Take presented by Barstool Sports Welcome to Part of My Take presented by the Cash App Go download it right now, use code BARSTOOL You get $10 for free, $10 to the ASPCA.
Today is Monday, September 21st, week two. There's some scores in this house.
There's some scores in this house. We start in Dallas where Big D stands for Big Demeanor.
The Falcons want to gag, want to choke as the Dirty Birds did their best to crash and burn in the fourth quarter, and can't Calvin Ridley themselves from the curse of Arthur Blank. Jerry Jones said, when I ride this Dak, I'm going to spell my name on his paychecks, as Prescott led the boys back for an unbelievable win, and the Falcons' season is now riding dirty in a Hayden hearse.
That's right, they're dead, Tiege. Cowboys 40, Falcons 39.
There's some scores in this house. There's some scores in this house.
What? Up in Indy where Jonathan Taylor Thomas laid the hammer. On the Vikings defense and Kirk Cousins number eight my ass.
He's a bottom feeder. Minnesota said if I don't hang, then he can't bang.
You can't hurt my feelings, but I like pain. And the Vikings were gluttons for punishment on Sunday.
The deforestation of the Amazon Buckner had a few strip sacks. Brazilian waxes, that is.
And Jim Rousset closed the ceiling on Minnesota season. Colts 25, Vikings 11.
There's some scores in this house. There's some scores in this house.
In Chicago, where giant Khalil Mack truck got all up in Daniel Jones' garage, orange-haired Jason Garrett's head game was fire, making it clap on the sidelines, but not much else. The Bears offense said to Joe Judge, Your Honor, I'm a freak, Mitch.
Handcuffs, leashes, spanked the Giants' defense. Hold on, Is that a dog? Massey? What's wrong, Massey? You just caught a ball on third down to seal the win and the Giants season is stuck in a well? The Bears are no longer the door Matt Nagy of the NFC Norse, winning 17-13.
There's some scores in this house. There's some scores in this house.
We head south to Tampa Bay where Tom Brady is a certified freak seven days a week. And the Bucs are making that pullout game weak because reports of Tom Terrific's demise came way too quick.
Yeah, yeah, you bucking with some wet-ass pussy. Leonard Nimoy Furnette made the Live Long and Prosper sign and put two in the pink and two in the stinky end zone.
Bruce Springsteen Arians will have the media back on his side this week as the offense looks born to run. Buck 31, Panthers 17.
There's some scores in this house. There's some scores in this house.
In the frozen tundra where the cheeseheads are stirring up things in the NFC like macaroni in a pot, Aaron Thee Stallion-Jones said the Lions' pussy defense is wild. Come let me run a dive.
Balling out for 168 yards and two touchdowns. Matt Patricia Arquette is officially flirting with disaster as his head coaching career may not make it out of boyhood.
Packers 42, Lions 21. There's some scores in this house.
There's some scores in this house. In Nashville where Mike Vrabel is not afraid to let her hop on top to a kegel while he's inside and break it off for a chance at a Super Bowl.
Gardner, two and a half, Minshew, has that tiger blood coursing through his veins, leading the Jaguars to a second half comeback, only to see it go up in smoke with a late game picked by Harold and Kumar Landry. The Titans are Gostkowski-ing into first place.
33-30! There's some scores in this house. There's some scores in this house.
To the city of brotherly love where Sean McVay said, I need a Henny drinker. I need a weed smoker.
But sorry Rams and Eagles fans, Chris Long isn't walking through that door. Darryl Hall and Oates Henderson had the Eagles defense out of touch, man-eating his way to 81 yards and a touchdown.
Johnny Carson Wentz used to look good in prime time, but now he's dead. Too soon, boom.
Rams stay rolling, 37-19. There's some scores in this house.
There's some scores in this house. Staying in Pennsylvania where TJ, whoop, put that pussy on Drew Lockdown as the Broncos strive to win by grinding on that Vic Fangio defense.
The motorcycle madman, Ben, but don't break, Roethlisberger, kept his foot on the gas, as the Steelers don't have a LeGarrette Blunt in their backfield anymore, but they do have a LeBron James Conner Jr. to smoke the opposing defenses.
Steelers 26. The Broncos 21.
There's some scholars in this house. There's some scores in this house.
Out to LA where Mahomes may love ketchup, but Andy Reid likes the pussy with A1, just like Pat's credit. Bold and spicy, boom.
Justin Timberlake Herbert got dressed up after suit and tie rod Taylor was ruled out. Milf Hunter Henry tried to take it to the housewife, but it was Harrison, you could put it in my butker, who ended up splitting the uprights and winning the game 23-20.
There's some schools in this house. There's some schools in this house.
And we finish in Houston where J.J. Wop and Deshaun Wopson were no match for opera singer Justin Tucker, who had the dangly thing in the back of his throat wiggling around all afternoon.
Ingram II, Baby Mark, do-do, do-do-do-do. Tuck the Titans in and put them to bed with a fourth-quarter scamper.
People are starting to wonder if Bill O'Brien Cranston is getting high on his own supply after trading DeAndre Hopkins and losing to the Cardi B. Altimore Ravens to go to 0-2.
The Ravens 33. The Texans 16.
All right. And week two is in the books.
We still actually have the Raiders opening their new stadium. The big, what is it called? The big Roomba? No, the big Roomba.
It looks like a Roomba. It looks like a Roomba from hell.
It does look sweet out in the middle of the desert. Drew Brees will probably break 16 new records on Monday night.
But week two in the books, unbelievable. This last week we were back, but this week is when it was like, holy shit.
Chaos everywhere. Some insane endings.
And the beginning of new narratives. You never know what the narratives are going to be after week one.
Now we are starting to get clued in and we have some takes. Okay, so we'll have some new narrative alerts.
We, by the way, we have, so we're in Philadelphia right now. New Barstool Sportsbook app.
If you didn't see, we invented a new bet called the Hanson, which was just betting the over of all the points scored on Sunday. It won.
It crushed. So we're in Philly.
That's why we don't have Dion on this week. When we're in Philly Philly we're not gonna have Dion on because it's hard to Skype and do all that we'll have him on next week but we will be recapping every game and of course we're gonna start with the Sunday night game which was a classic Patriots lose the Seahawks 35 30 so Hank you walked upstairs look because because you were you were watching downstairs uh on a live stream and you were like I'm not so upset about that loss because we were in that game and losing to Russell Wilson at home is not like something that you can be ashamed of we were we were also down two scores true in the fourth quarter like it didn't really seem like it was it wasn't a game that they blew.
They came back. They fought.
Russell Wilson's unbelievable. Cam Newton played well.
Patriots defense is banged up, and half their players opted out. They didn't play well.
But I thought the game was good. I thought the Patriots were very promising.
It was a very, very promising game. I would watch these two teams play every single week.
Yes. The matchup in general, just like the names that you have on either side of the game, like delivered on all that hype.
It was an awesome game. And yeah, Cam Newton looks good.
He looks healthy. Well, he also looks – he threw the ball.
He had to throw the ball. Like week one, he ran it 15 times.
And everyone was saying, well, what happens if they're down? He kind of answered that question. Julian Edelman, certified deep threat.
Still gets open. Julian Edelman was exhausted at the end of the game.
Just like picking himself up off the ground. He looked like he was ready to puke on the field.
But, yeah, he played really well. Is Cam Newton too healthy might be the question you might want to ask yourself because everyone knew it was coming on that last play, right? You knew that Cam was going to run it, and they were able to stop it and get into the backfield on it.
Cam Newton, if he maybe has like a little – he has absolutely no hesitation running the ball or passing it. The shoulder looks really, really good right now.
They should have run the Tebow. They should have also just run it straight ahead.
I don't know, like, you know, running it to the side like that with that little delay i know it worked a few times but like pft said everyone in the world knew that was coming and i mean i yeah i guess i see what you're saying like you losing russell wilson's fucking insane he's insane five touchdowns and he does we we said it last week but the prettiest ball in all sports is when russell wilson throws drop in the bucket, touchdown, and he had a couple of them tonight. DK.
DK, and then the other one to the pylon, which was insane footwork. He's playing on a different level right now.
The Seahawks have, I'm convinced they have four Lockett. Lockett is everywhere on the field.
Yeah, but Lockett in particular, he's everywhere. They have to have multiple of them.
Jamal Adams is also everywhere, too. Jamal Adams is insane.
And we also have to, we can't just not mention the fact that Bill Belichick tasked Ernie Adams all week with cutting up a new mask for him. He looked like Birdman.
He was tiny. He looked like the Penguin.
He had a beat. Maybe, is the Penguin the new guy in the new Batman? Yes, or the Riddler.
Oh, what just happened? It's a ghost. We have a ghost in the room.
Are we okay? Yeah. What's going on? I'll just turn my volume up.
Okay. He looked like the penguin.
Unbelievable. He looked like when I wear that stupid high-altitude mask and convince myself if I sit on my couch and play video games in high altitude, I'll lose weight.
Yeah. That was him.
But it was tiny, though. It was, like small.
It was like Russell Wilson's, if you were a G-string. It covered up barely like the spot between his nostrils and the top of his upper lip.
Yes. So, yeah, Belichick looked awesome.
Steve Belichick looked great on the sidelines. That mullet is flowing.
Great hair. Absolutely great hair.
Great game. Just great game.
So, Ken Norton, he's the defensive coordinator for the Seahawks, right? Big time football guy. He had his fingers taped up.
Like he was going to go out there and play defensive line. I like it.
Very intimidating. It's like Harbaugh wearing his cleats.
Yes. I absolutely love that.
It was a great game. There's nothing better.
It's just, I don't know. You can't plan it because it's obviously random and it's the world's greatest reality show is sports.
But there's something about a great Sunday night football game that just puts a beautiful cherry on top of Sunday. Like when you have a shitty clunker for Sunday night, you go to bed and you're kind of like, okay, well, it was fun moments.
But an instant classic Sunday night just has you buzzing in your head.

Yeah.

After.

And you're just like, fuck, that was awesome.

Because I wait for next Sunday.

It makes you feel like you definitely didn't waste your day by sitting on the couch all day watching NFL football.

You know what?

It's never a waste to sit on your couch, obviously, watching NFL football.

But I did have a realization this morning because, like I said, we are in Philly.

So I was walking around today trying to get trying to suck in as much fresh air knowing that I was not going to get off the couch for 14 hours I think the two hours before kickoff they're not better than the football but they're pretty damn good you haven't lost the bad yet at that point and you also when you there's something about walking around before an nfl sunday seeing like people in their jerseys or their sweatshirts and giving that nod like yo it's on yeah it's like it's about to fucking get it's pre-football sometimes we're about to do this shit it's more potent than the actual football it's incredible it's just there's something about it that i just i we need to come up with a phrase for it because it's those, it's those like three.

I wake up early on Sunday just so I can have as much pre-football as possible.

It's pre-fun.

That's what it is.

Everything is coming.

It's pre-fun.

Yes, everything.

And the second cousin of that would be when you go out to like Las Vegas and you walk through the casino on a Saturday and all the dealers are already wearing their NFL jerseys on a Saturday.

Yes.

Just reminding you, hey. It's coming.
It's football time, baby. It is football time.
OK, next game. We have Packers at Lions.
I want to say this as respectfully as possible. I think Matt Patricia is eating his losses.
He looks large and those losses are piling up because they've lost now 11 in a row.

The Lions have lost 11 games in a row. They've also lost.
Why are you looking at me like that,

Hank? They've lost four straight losses, four straight losses where they've had double digit

leads. Well, well, let's let's give credit where credit's due.
Matt Patricia is also the architect

of the interception in the Super Bowl from the two yard line. Correct.
Put some respect on his

name. Correct.
So they've had four straight losses, 11 – I'm sorry, Lions fans – 11 – or sorry, 11 straight losses, four straight losses where they've had a double-digit lead. Week one, they're up 23-6.
They lose 27-23. Week two, they're up 14-3 on the Packers.
They lose 42-21. This is the guy who they hired for Jim Caldwell after firing Jim firing jim caldwell a nine and seven season which again i'm sorry lions fans but there is a level of you have to know what you are it's i mean it's similar i i can speak about it because it's when when the bears fired lovey smith for mark trussman it was like wait why right because what are we doing uh matt pat Patricia though he's doing the Brett Bielema where the losses pile up and the losses equal cheeseburgers and the cheeseburgers pile up and then they go to your belly he was certainly getting into layer season a little bit early he was all seven layer dip on Matt Patricia's body he looked like you know the kid in the Christmas story where they just bundle him up in every single, like, warm winter piece of clothing that they have.
And he can't really walk anymore. Matt Patrice is getting less mobile.
It's not. It's not.
But he's layering up. He's just – And this is also – I think if you could script, like, the perfect head coaching resume, never be a guru on either side.
be be uh john harbaugh be the special teams coach be the quality controls coach because then people can't like you can control special teams you could have great special teams by finding the right guys matt patricia his defense fucking stinks and he's a defensive guru yeah so i don't, like, I feel bad for the guy because I think it's over here. But, man, the Lions got absolutely gashed, like gashed on the run.
And Aaron Jones was all over the place. Aaron Rodgers, the fuck you tour is happening this year.
I've come to accept it, and I'm very, very scared. But they were just running all over him.
It's always weird to see the Packers with a competent run game. It always looks like a glitch because we haven't really seen that from them really in the last 15 years.
But they do need to figure out how to keep Aaron Rodgers pissed off for an entire season. They have to have a strategy because right now they're toasting off their master class of drafting Jordan Love.
Jordan Love's going to start dating Danica Pratchett.

So they need to set him up.

They need to absolutely get on her skin somehow like that

or just hire a bully to hang out next to Aaron.

Bring Brett Favre back in.

Make his brother who he doesn't speak to offensive coordinator.

Yeah.

Quarterback coach.

Anything to get a rise of him.

Just smash all the crystals that Danica left behind.

You need to keep him pissed off over the course of the season

because Aaron Rodgers, he does play better when he has that chip on his shoulder.

But if he was... Just smash all the crystals that Danica left behind.
You need to keep him pissed off over the course of the season. Because Aaron Rodgers, he does play better when he has that chip on his shoulder.
But it wasn't even him today, though. He was good, but the Packers ran for 259 yards.
The running game is sick. And again, it looks weird when the Packers are running the ball so very well.
But the Lions are just... I'm sorry, Lions fans.
This is... And you have to restart all over again.
Everything's got to be washed away. I don't even, like, what do you even do with Matt Stafford? Do you just say, hey, Matt, like, sorry, man, like, never really worked out.
Yeah, you should have retired five years ago. I don't know.
Like, maybe just go away. Yeah, you can't restart with him.
You can't bring in, like, a new regime. I like Matt Stafford.
I think I'm the one who's on the hook of calling him as a future Hall of Fame quarterback just based off his ridiculous stats. Yeah.
No, he's absolutely going to be in the Hall of Fame. But yeah, his future...
Matt Patricia, let's get real. He's probably not going to win more than five or six games this year.
And there's no chance... That might be too much.
There's no chance. That might be too much.
They do play the Vikings twice. But listen, so they got Cardinals and Saints in the next two weeks.
Does he survive that? Does he survive to week five? Because then they start 0-4. That might be tough.
Is it in New Orleans? It is not in New Orleans.

And then they play the Falcons in Week 5,

which will be hilarious.

Week 6.

Don't they notoriously not fire coaches?

No, they'll fire.

I mean, he'll be fired.

But just in this case, it's shocking that they haven't fired. Yeah, it's shocking that they haven't fired Matt Patricia yet.

But the Falcons-Lions game in week six is going to be hilarious.

It's like Mario Kart.

You don't want to lead.

Yeah.

Because whoever's behind is definitely going to win at all times.

They just play hot potato for 60 minutes.

The Falcons are – I would put the house on the Falcons in that game.

Yeah, but then the Falcons – we'll get the Falcons, but then they'll Falcon it away.

Yes, they'll Falcon.

All right, so that was that game. Yeah.
Just Matt Patricia, like, you don't have to eat your losses. That's all I'm going to say.
Respectfully. Respectfully.
All right. Titans, Jaguars.
Gardner Minshew is our – my two biggest takeaways was Gardner Minshew, maybe he's just going to be the guy who we always say, like, he's playing for a job, but he's always good enough to have the job. Because he's good enough to have the job, but the line is he's playing for his job.
And then Ryan Tannehill. So is Ryan Tannehill officially just good? Ryan Tannehill took the next step when nobody was watching.
Yeah, he is very good. Ryan Tannehill is – Shockingly.
There's no one that I think I've been wronger about in the last five years than Ryan Tannehill. No, no.
You don't. We were all wrong about Ryan Tannehill because he's.
I don't think you counted it as wrong. No, you weren't.
I was right. I was right.
Right. We were all right for so long.
Yes. He just finally.
We made so many jokes about taking the next step. He finally was like, fuck it.
You guys want to keep making fun of me for taking the next step? I'm going to take the next step. He went ahead and he did it.
I don't know if it's just that Titans offense or he likes the air in Tennessee better. Whatever it is, Ryan Tannehill is just like a top 10 quarterback right now.
He's four. So starts the season 44 out of 60, 460 yards, six touchdowns, zero interceptions.
And also Ryan Tannehill, I don't know what it is specifically, but he throws a really tall ball. I feel like all his passes are always high up.
You know what? He's got good shoulder height. I feel like if you measure just from the cleats to the shoulders, his shoulders are that of like a 6'8 person.
Doesn't it feel like every time they go to red zone, it's Ryan Tannehill in the red zone running a play action where then he throws a perfectly placed tall ball to a really tall guy he's got a lot of tall guys for sure and I mean it helps a lot having Derek Henry yes I think that's which we're not even in tractor Cito season we're not Derek Henry's not even going yet he's not he he will be get going later but he's not going yet and and Vrabel I guess guess, trusts his kickers now. Well, Gostowski is now the bizarro world Vinatieri.
So, Gostowski missed another extra point today and then hit a 51-yarder going to halftime and a 49-yarder to win it. So, he missed it.
Wait, no, Vinatieri missed all of them. Never mind.
Yeah, last year. Vinatieri was just bad last year Vinatieri was just bad last year.
Yeah, he was just bad all around. But Gostkowski is a future Hall of Famer, like Adam Vinatieri.
Yes, he... Gostkowski is essentially like a three-pointer who can't shoot free throws.
Yeah. He's a three-point specialist who can't shoot free throws at this point.
Yeah, I mean, he's very good for long distance. And in general, this week proved that kickers are back.
Yes. This is a big rebound week for kickers.
Did anyone? I feel like there was maybe two or three.

Nick Fulk had a bad miss, I think.

Okay, well, that makes sense.

Yeah.

He's been in the league for like 30 years.

Either way, credit to the Titans and Jaguars for playing a fun game.

Didn't see that one coming.

Yeah, I mean, I'm always shocked when I see the Titans score more than 30 points.

Yes.

For some reason, like Titans to me, I think it's their colors.

They scream like 19 to 13. Well, it's their colors.
They just, they scream like 19 to 13.

Well, it's also, what was his name a few years ago?

What was the football that he decided to install?

Fuck.

Oh, it was Mike Malarkey doing exotic smash balls.

Exotic smash balls.

Yeah, which meant that like they're going to run play action

occasionally on third down.

We're going to run the ball, but we're going to make it look sexy.

All right, next up, Bears-Giants.

I mean, the Bears are 2-0.

That's all I'll say.

The Bears are 2-0.

It hasn't been pretty.

We had the two different worlds of Mitch today.

We had good Mitch in the first half and then bad Mitch in the second half.

I think he only had like 30 yards in the second half. It was perfect Mitch weather, though.
It was 66 degrees, which as we've heard, that's where he has the highest quarterback rating by far. Because he had that one game against the Bucs.
But Mitch, okay, say something nice about Mitch. Well, first of all, the Bears are 2-0.
Second, it's not always pretty, but it's starting to get there more. more so he's throwing ducks but they're actually going to the right guys i saw so i'm cool with that yeah i saw him throw one pass today that looked like it was it was kicked off it was like spiraling it looked like an onside kick yeah i was going over it got there yeah and it got caught right so yeah and we're not getting any screenshot mitches where we're like oh he have thrown at this guy.
Or any of the passes that are thrown more than five yards either overthrown or underthrown. We didn't have any of those.
Maybe this is the key to Mitch. Maybe he's like a great knuckleball pitcher.
Yeah. Where the defense can't catch up with whatever he's throwing.
Do you think he's missing some ligaments like R.A. Dickey in his hand? I mean, again, it doesn't look pretty.
It's not going to make NFL films. Right.
You know, when they do the spiral he's missing some ligaments like r.a dickey in his hand it's i mean again it doesn't look pretty it's not going to make nfl films right you know when they do the spiral that's going over and you can see the top level of the stadium and the cool soundtrack hey hits it's not that but it got there in the first half and credit to matt nagy i have been a very vocal uh hater of matt nagy especially last year but he is starting to figure out the formula of run run run play defense because the bears committed to the run and they ran the ball a lot and it got fucking hairy but they're two and oh and yes you could tell me i look i'm a realist two and oh's two and oh but i also understand two and oh's probably against two of the bottom five teams in the NFL between the Giants and Lions. I understand that.
So I'm not going to go around parading myself. But I'd rather be 2-0 than 0-2.
Yeah, you're in the capper seat right now. With the Giants, I think we can officially say that Daniel Jones is not Eli Manning.
And so there was all last season, there was like this little, I want to believe that Daniel Jones is a good quarterback. One, because he got that sweet win against Tampa Bay that we all bet on and won money off of him.
And then second, everything that he does just looks exactly like Eli Manning version 2.0. I think we've seen enough to know that he is not Eli Manning.
You don't like him? No, I don't like him. Oh, I like Daniel Jones.
And he's not as fun as Eli Manning. No, I like him.
Okay, maybe I'm just incepted by the Giants fans in the office, but he has no talent around him. I mean, Saquon got hurt.
Sterling Shepard got hurt. He's probably going to be one of those guys who in year 10, you're going to be saying, if Daniel Jones can just limit the turnovers, he'll be great.
But I think I like him. I actually think he's a good quarterback.
I think there's a good quarterback in there. It's just going to – you have to figure out a way for him to stop fumbling all the time and throwing stupid interceptions.
But given what he has around him, like, if you put him on a talented team, you can go far with him. I really think so.
I don't think so. Oh, I think that.
I like Herbert better than I like Daniel Jones already. I think Herbert is a better version of Daniel Jones.
I mean, you saw Herbert play one game where the defense didn't plan for him. That's why I like Daniel Jones last year when he played against the Bucs, a defense that wasn't really planned for him.
But the Bears have a good defense, and Daniel Jones kept him kind of in it. He has no one.
He literally has no one. I mean, Herbert had guys to throw to.
Herbert has actually a lot of talent around him.

He's got a great offense.

He has a lot of talent around him.

Daniel Jones has no one around him at this point.

I haven't seen anything from Daniel Jones that makes me be like, oh, that guy's good.

Besides, like, he looks good when he's walking into the locker room.

I'm like, that could be a quarterback.

What about Monday night?

That 19-play drive that he had, of course, the interception was horrendous,

but that was an awesome drive against a really good Steelers defense. One drive, I mean that's a that's a that's one of the best defense in the league I don't know I mean I am a Daniel Jones naysayer I think Daniel Jones does not he has no one around him I'm not saying he's like incredible but I absolutely think if you're a Giants fan he's he all right Daniel Jones is a guy who you will you will give him his fifth year option I think it's too early to say that I would I mean I think he will be that guy like I don't think he's going to be a guy after four years and be like go ahead get out of here well yeah I mean the Giants won't because the Giants they're right no but I don't think most teams I like Daniel Jones I do um all right so that yeah I mean the Bears play the Falcons next week.
We'll see what happens there. But good Mitch, bad Mitch, whatever.
2-0 is 2-0. Speaking of Falcons, let's talk about that game.
So this was a doozy. This was a doozy because there's, so one team started the game, three and out, fumble, fumble, failed fake punt, fumble, and that team won the game.
The Falcons, this is the most Falcons stat of all time, and I really do feel bad because Falcons fans, I don't even know how you can just like – Falcons fans, I would assume, just wake up tomorrow and they just sigh, and then the Charlie Brown, like the sad trombone, the boom, boom, ba-doom. They just have – Just follows them around all day.
They have miserable falls. It's like a little autumn is a bad season for them.
Yeah. If you're a Falcons fan, you should get like a like a vest that you can wear to work on Monday.
Like when you see a service dog says do not pet like one that says Falcons fan. Do not approach.
Do not make small talk with breaking news. Giants.
Saquon Barkley just deleted every Giants post from his Instagram. What? This league.
What? Is he blaming the Giants for getting hurt? The Giants are a mess. They're terrible and they're a mess.
And this is going to go bad for Joe Judge very quickly because you can't be the hard-ass coach and have things be a mess. Bad weekend.
Be a judge. He didn't just delete Giants pictures.
He deleted everything except for one picture. Okay.
Maybe it's like a fresh start. Including Giants pictures.
Okay. So the headline stands.
Yeah. He deleted everything that had anything to do with the New York Giants from his Instagram account.
Yes. All right.
So back to the Falcons Cowboys game, which was insane. Probably game of the day in terms of entertainment.
So here's the this is falcons fans trigger warning the falcons had 39 points and zero turnovers teams are 440 and 0 with 39 points and zero turnovers and that's since 1933 which goes all the way back to when they started tracking turnovers.

It's so sad.

In the history of football, they didn't track turnovers before 1933.

So from 1933 until today, teams have scored at least 39 points and had zero turnovers.

440 times they won the game, zero times they lost.

And the Atlanta Falcons are now the singular loser in that scenario.

Congratulations.

I mean, it's a very Falcon stat. And the way that they lost this game, you're right.
They did everything perfectly. Like they did a lot of stuff really well.
But the stuff that they screwed up on was the weirdest part of the game. So they screwed up on that.
There was like a 50-yard touchdown pass to Julio Jones. From a wide receiver.
From a wide receiver, Russell Gage, who threw a dime. And Julio dropped it.
And then the onsides kick. And when they put the ball down, Bubba asked me, he's like, have you ever seen an onside kick get recovered when they do the thing where they kick it from its side? I was like, no, it never happens.
Never. It never happens.
And then just kind of trickled forward, trickled forward. It was like a snake charmer.
Everyone was just standing around it like, what do we do? It looked like the field was going downhill. It was crazy.
It was crazy, crazy, crazy. That must have really fucked with Skip Bayless, knowing that there were these weird kicks that just happened to bounce the Cowboys way, not only on that onside kick, but then on the field goal that was hit to win the game.
It was a classic Mason crossbar that started to the left, and then a mysterious gust or a Chris Christie fart or whatever blew it back dead center. So Skip Bayless, the stadium giveth and it taketh away.
29 to 10.5, up 15 with five minutes left. The Falcons have found a new low.
Like, that is just absolutely incredible that they lost this game and found a way to lose this game when the the Cowboys couldn't stop shit like the Cowboys defense is a dumpster fire their offensive lines hurt Dak was incredible in the second half uh but holy shit man like how do you lose that game how does Dan Quinn have a job and you know what really pisses me off is so I wanted the Cowboys to win because I had the can't lose parlay. But I also wanted the Cowboys to lose because I really wanted to do a rant about how Mike McCarthy.
People forget Mike McCarthy spent an entire offseason telling everyone that he got a subscription to pro football focus. And then in his introductory press conference, it was like, just kidding.
I'm lying about all that. I just wanted another job.
I don't do stats. I didn't change anything about how dumb I am.
I'm going to show you how little I do stats. I'm going to run this fake punt on my own 20-yard line.
This whole week had a lot of really shitty fake punts, not only in terms of circumstance when they're running it, but also like the designs of the fake punts. It was a lot of just snap it to the up back and have him fall forward and try not to kill himself.
Yes. That was basically what he did.
And also, McCarthy, a lot of people, they lose their jobs. They need to reinvent themselves in their next career.
And a big part of that process is they take some time to exercise, get in shape. Mike McCarthy got fatter.
That's his Wisconsin revenge body that he's got going on it it's um so you robbed me of that Mike McCarthy the fact that the Cowboys are now one-on-one in an NFC East that looks like that I feel like this has happened in the last few years we say this every year but the NFC East I think you might be able to win it with seven games Washington football team still tied for first place and you know what that's really pissed me me off because I did not think that Washington was necessarily going to win against the Cardinals today. But I just wanted that moment where I would know that no matter how badly we lost to the Cardinals, we were still going to be in sole possession of first place.
Now we're tied with the Cowboys, which I guess that's okay. But we talked about this game going into the weekend.
This was going to be the battle of which team is the Cowboys and which team is the Falcons because they're so similar. It turns out that the Falcons are still the Falcons.
They asserted their Falcons dominance on this game. Yes, they planted their flag into the Michael Vick, Deion Sanders-style black helmet and said, we are the Falcons and you cannot take our Falcons.
They found a stat since 1933. Yeah.
They're the first team to do this. It's insane how they find ways to lose.
The Falcons are the Falcons. Uh, and the Cowboys are going to be hilarious this year because the Cowboys, I love this version of the Cowboys.
I love my Cowboys to be just flashy enough that everyone buys into it including myself but so many holes that they're just gonna have terrible prime time loss after terrible prime time yeah like that is the that is Jerry Jones wants to think his legacy is the 90s no Jerry Jones this is your legacy your legacy is your Cowboys just have enough sizzle to just get everyone in love with the team and being like ooh the Cowboys are back only to fall flat on your face whenever you have a big time game I think Jerry Jones wants to pay Dak money I think he wants to pay him all the money in the world I think he doesn't want to leave a single cent that he doesn't have to to his son I think that Jerry Jerry's like for every touchdown pass or run. Stephen's been stealing.
Yeah. Oh, definitely.
Like he's been siphoning off into crypto. Yeah.
I feel like Jerry Jones doesn't exactly keep like a watchful eye on his bank account. He probably has a bunch of cash just underneath his mat in the walls.
Yeah. Yeah.
When you bulldoze that house, it's just going to be like a cash grab machine. But he wants to give as much of his money as possible to Dak Prescott, which is why you saw him like he was flipping out when Dak scored touchdowns today.
He's like, yes, this is more money that I don't have to leave to my shithead son. And Dak was awesome.
Dak is awesome. That should probably be paid.
Pay Dak. We'll see.
Also, Andy Dalton. We saw Andy Dalton for a play.
That's when the game turned around. Andy Dalton came in there.
He also, I think he called his own play. Yep.
Because there's no possible explanation when they were, I think it was second and goal. Dak gets knocked out of the game for a play.
And Andy Dalton threw a pass or had a pass play called for him, which I can't imagine. They were like, yeah, let's do it.
Let's have a pass play here for Andy Dalton. Yeah, let's give the keys to this offense to Andy Dalton to really unlock things.
I think Andy probably, he's got one of those escalators of contracts, right, for his touchdowns. Pass attempts.
Pass attempts, yeah. One.
Completion. Yeah, how many incompletions? If you can limit it to under two incompletions on the year, then you're golden.
One single pass attempt. Either way, that was an awesome game.
Awesome, awesome game. And the Cowboys, they're not good.
The Falcons, the Bears have to play the Falcons next week. I feel like I fell back in love with the Falcons, even in a loss with just how good their offense is.
They scored so many points. And Julio Jones didn't even have that good of a game i think he only had like 30 yards that one really was awesome that one should have been a touchdown yeah calvin we gotta actually ask who's the who's the one a who's man's who's the one a on the falcons who's batman who's rob yeah who is who's wide receiver one at this point i would say wide receiver one on the falcons is actually the one that puts up the more disappointing game who ever throws the pass that doesn't get completed on the big play.
Do you think that it's different to try to catch a 50-yard bomb from your wide receiver as opposed to catching one from Matt Ryan? Probably. Probably.
Yeah. It's like overthinking it.
Different spin rate, maybe? Yeah. They're overthinking it, but Dan Quinn, God love you.
I think Dan Quinn actually, if Dan Quinn cries enough, he might be able to keep his job still. I don't think that you can fire Dan Quinn after a game like this or multiple games like this because you look at the scoreboard and you're like, well, we scored 39 points.
Yeah, and we had no turnovers. Yeah, you can't.
Which, I mean, that's got to be a pretty good stat. Yeah, you can't fire a coach.
He put them in a position to win. Yeah.
All right, next up we have Colts Vikings. The Vikings suck.
I would like to say I'm going to dun-chain the Vikings again after week two. They're totally done.
Vikings are done. Well, not only are they done, but Kirk Cousins had a very un-Kirk Cousins-like game.
Oh, yeah. He was horrendous.
He should have thrown two touchdowns in the fourth quarter in garbage time just to make this a true Kirk Cousins game. But they are stinky.
They're stinky trash. I'm done chaining them right now.
What am I going to do if the Vikings win the Super Bowl? I'll get Creed lyrics tattooed on my body. There you go.
I'm still waiting for my pinky team. I've got to go week three.
Week three, I'll come up with a pinky team. Week two is like – I think that's my annual tradition.
I'm just going to pencil in the Vikings every single year. Week two, I'm going to cancel.
They've never won a Super Bowl, but they're bad. They're very bad.
They had a safety in back-to-back weeks, which is kind of cool because I always like how it throws off the whole score of the game when you get a two-pointer in there. It fucks everything up, yeah.
But it's impossible to celebrate a safety in a masculine way because the guys on defense end up doing the safety sign. Oh, I think it's all in the hips.
If you do a little hip wiggle with it, it's kind of sexy. Yeah.
Well, you really do need to throw the lower body into it. Cause just going like that.
Yeah. That's not cool.
And I actually think that a safety should be worth five points. Two points is not enough for safety.
It's hard to do. It's a, it's a change of momentum type play.
They should, it should be five points. And then you also get the ball the ball.
So I'm not into five points, but I would like a change in the safety rule where forward progress doesn't count because that's the most disappointing thing. When a guy runs out of the end zone and barely gets the ball out of the end zone and then gets fucking demolished 10 yards deep into the end zone, that should be a safety.
I would say that if any part of your body, throw the ball out of the equation, If any part of your body gets tackled and lands in the painted part of the end zone that should be a safety i would say that if any part of your body throw the ball out of the equation if any part of your body gets tackled and lands in the painted part of the end zone that's a safety yes yes dan orlovsky is is shuddering right now yeah about this conversation so the vikings suck kirk cousins was horrendous uh and the colts i don't know the colts are i mean jonathan taylor is good deforest buckner was an unbelievable trade for them i the The Colts are I don't know. The Colts are, I mean, Jonathan Taylor is good.
DeForest Buckner was an unbelievable trade for them. The Colts are back to being dark horse.
Colts are good. Are we going to say they're dark horse again? They could be a dark horse right now.
Yeah, I think that this was a classic game where the Vikings were worse than they looked in week one and the Colts were better than they looked. Yeah, and this also was our official first.
We had our first official red zone game that we forgot was happening. Because red zone did not go to this game for a solid hour.
And then it would flip to it, and it was like, oh, the Vikings did something stupid. Or Phil Rivers threw an incomplete pass.
Phil Rivers wasn't bad today. Yeah, he was good today.
His interception wasn't even his fault. He did have that hilarious one where they did, the one time they gave him red zone shine, Phil Rivers threw the ball and it hit the crossbar in the red zone.
Yeah, I don't even think it was a crossbar. It might have been an upright that he dunked it off of.
Yeah, yeah, that was funny. That was very funny.
It was like he was passing to Antonio Gates again. Yeah, so Colts back.
So narrative alert, Colts back into the dark horse. Yeah.
Because the AFC South's wide open. Well, not really.
The Titans are good. But still, the Colts are back into being a dark horse team.
Colts are good. I think they're officially good.
I'm not ready to say that they're better than the Titans, but I think that they're right up there. And the Vikings and the Lions suck.
Trash. Stink trash.
All right. Before we go to our next game, a quick word from our sponsor, Hooters.
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Dolphins 28. Or sorry, Dolphins 31.
Sorry, Dolphins 28, Bills 31. All you Josh Allen haters out there, suck our fucking dicks we called it this is this guy is so good he last week he had his first 300 yard game this week he had his first 400 yard game actually i forgot to mention that the going back to the vikings real quick because it relates to the bills the vikings had the mini deAndre Hopkins things going on where, why did you trade Stefan Diggs? Diggs is awesome.
You look so much different as an offense without Stefan Diggs, and the Bills look so much different with Stefan Diggs because it's the perfect receiver for Josh Allen's rocket arm. So all you haters, they're getting silent.
They're starting to get a little silent'm sure some nerd will fucking rank josh allen as like the worst quarterback because he he threw uh a pass that was completed for a touchdown but he threw it kind of uh a little higher the launch angle was yeah right it wasn't catchable it was a 50 catchable pass not 100 catchable but fuck you haters josh's awesome. Here's my stat for Josh Allen today.
He kicks ass. He kicked ass and he didn't stop kicking ass.
And you want to talk about getting the keys to the offense? I think we need to say the Bills have officially turned over their offense to Josh Allen. He was throwing the ball on third down.
He was throwing the ball on second down. He was throwing the ball on first down.
He was truck-sticking people. Yeah, and a play is never over when Josh Allen is running with the ball.
And when I mean never over, he will run over like three or four people, and then he'll fumble the ball out of bounds when he gets hit, like at the end of it. The play is not over until the whistle is blown because he's equally parts liable to do something really cool, equally parts liable to try to lateral it to his fullback.
Yes. So, yeah, Josh Allen was awesome today, and I think that the haters are fuckheads and they can suck our dicks yeah yeah so suck it like literally suck it i made a note during this game like i'm gonna write josh allen on my dick and you suck it keep sucking it right now i made a note during the game that cole beasley always has something fucked up with his uniform after a play his chin strap usually is fucked up the chin strap the helmet goes sideways uh He gets like a sock that gets pulled down.
He's the kid who has the, when he has a Popsicle, he's just wearing it for the rest of the day on his lips. Oh, yeah, like Kool-Aid lips.
Yes. Oh, for sure.
Yeah, Kool-Aid lip kid. The Kool-Aid lip kid was a scene.
Your Kool-Aid lip kid listening right now, dude, you deserve the ridicule. Yeah.
Just fucking eat a Popsicle and don't make a mess of it. And I don't know what's going on with his facial hair every single week, but it's different.
He can grow like an entire full chin strap over the course of five days. He's the Steve Belichick of Wes Welkers.
Just like a little janky, but also when he gets the ball in the open field, he's sick. Yes, we have Hank Yons, by the way, going on.
Hank Yons are what? Yeah, I no but they could probably turn your mic on next time they're that loud I want the people to share no they're that loud that you can you can hear it also in the Bill's Dolphins game there was a lightning break but before that people were mad the last time I yawned really yeah but I'll do it if you want me to yeah just do it once you don't have to do it the whole time but there lightning break, but before the lightning break, they had just lightning interference with the TV signal. So there was a good, like, ten minutes of that game that we couldn't watch.
Anything could have happened during that game. We don't know how many touchdowns Josh Allen threw during that time period.
We couldn't see it. God, no interceptions so far for Josh Allen this year.
He had a couple fumbles week one, but I don't care. The Josh Allen haters can suck our dicks because he is awesome Josh Allen for MVP get it get the people talking about it honestly I'll accept an apology from anyone at this point I don't care because you're missing out like you are missing out on the fun so I will if if anyone out there right now who was staunchly Josh Allen's a bust Josh Allen sucks Josh Allen Josh Allen isn't good, if you say, if you got a tweet, part of my take, myself and PFT and Josh Allen, and say, I'm sorry, I was wrong, Josh Allen is good, please don't make me suck your dick, then you are now in the Josh Allen fan club.
I'll consider not letting you suck my dick. Right.
You send that tweet tomorrow. I'm making no promises.
And we'll let you enjoy the fun that is Josh Allen. Because guess what? It's fucking fun.
Yeah. We're offering Josh Allen buybacks.
Yes. Like when they do a Jersey buyback program.
Yes. If you had bad Josh Allen takes, you can bring them to us.
And we will give you a full refund on your shitty draft take. Yes.
And all you have to do is just apologize. Yeah.
It's a gun swap. Yeah, exactly.
Come on in. No questions asked.
Yeah. You drop off your gun.
We're not going to say what happened, who you shot, whatever happened. Just give us your gun.
Get that gun off. Get the bad Josh Allen takes off the streets.
Okay. There was a yawn.
There was a yawn. That was a slip.
That sounded like Bronny Jr. hitting the split.
We'll get to that later. We don't want Josh Allen takes to be out there harming any innocent people.
Right, exactly. We can't have that anymore.
Come trade it in, no questions asked. Also, Dolphins, just start Tua.
Just fucking play Tua, man. Fitzpatrick is Fitzpatrick.
What are we doing? doing what are we doing every time we see him out there we're just like this should be to a and i i really i i don't i want fitzpatrick there's a net would be a lot more fun it would be i want fitzpatrick to stay in the league as long as possible but i want him as the backup i want him to come in when uh the starter gets hurt or the starter misses a game and it's like fitmagic yeah Fitzpatrick is the day one starter it doesn't feel the same it's more just sad yeah surprise Fitzpatrick is the best right when when they cut to it in the middle of the red zone and they're like hey guess what we have an injury look who's in that's right in his 17th season it's Ryan Fitzpatrick from Harvard right uh and, he's a guy that could hang out for another couple years. I hear he's really good at ping pong, so he keeps the guys in the locker room.
Rubik's Cube. Very good at Rubik's Cube.
Brian Flores, he might be doing the old, I'm going to hang on to this rookie quarterback for a year. Smart.
So going into next year, you have to give me a full season under Tua, and then he gets good at the second half of the season. Then can't fire him then because listen we're gaining some momentum with tua here yeah that's three years so he's smart brian flores on a three-year plan right now he's no dummy yeah you're really smart brian flores that is really smart but i want to i want to um all right 49ers jets so i guess there's some turf controversy did you see this this? Yes.
Yes. Some MetLife turf controversy.
Turf is sticky. Apparently, the turf is sticky.
We've seen multiple knee injuries. We had one week one with the Steelers offensive lineman.
And thank God, Big Ben didn't get hurt. Well, I would have liked bigger than Ben, part five.
But Joey Bosa gets hurt. I think he might be out for the year.
Fucking sucks. Garoppolo got hurt.
Who else got hurt? What's his name? Solomon Thomas got hurt. Yep.
Oh, guy drafted right after Mitch Trubisky. The 49ers when they got traded down.
Stanford. He balled out in that holiday bowl against Mitch Trubisky.
I remember that. Jordan Reed somehow perfectly healthy.
All, no more. Just stop yawning.
I'd like to make a rule for Jordan Reed. You guys asked for it for the record.
Yeah, no, PFT did. I did not.
I said do one also on the record for the record. When Jordan Reed scores his touchdown, there needs to be a rule telling all of his teammates do not go up to him and pat him on the head or do head butts to him because he scored a touchdown today which is great to see he's working on like a baker's dozen amount of concussions for his career yes and then all of his teammates one by one came up and gave him a head butt afterwards yeah i was it was like watching teddy bridgewater take a hit or slide i was like no no no no don't do that but uh yeah he survived the turf monster in in new y New York.
And the 49ers have to play there again next week. Do you think it's all a cat piss on the field? Oh, my God, that's so loud.
Just stop yawning. I think it's a cat piss in MetLife because they've got all those strays running around.
No, so it is new turf. So it's brand new turf.
That's what the controversy is about. They installed it this year.
Yeah, and since it's new, that makes the cats want to piss on it even more. I mean, more i mean this is bad so the 49 i wouldn't be shocked if they have to do something because the 49ers sounded like they don't even want to play on the turf um the jets the jets now the jets are in the running for worst team in the league i think it's pretty much now i actually wouldn't put the giants in that in that running i think it's the lions and, right? Who else is in there? I would put the Giants in the running, too.
I think the Giants are just frisky enough that they're not. Like, the Jets gave up a third and 31 run play.
They gave up a run play that converted a third and 31. It actually went for 55 yards.
The Jets, this game looks a lot like it't even look close 31 16 or no uh 31 13 the jets scored a touchdown with a minute and a half left to make that 13 so it was really 31 to 6 the jets are really really really really bad yeah at one point they were down by 21 points i think it was late in the third quarter and adamase kicked a sad field goal of the week. Yeah, so that was – I actually wrote that down.
Down 24-3, fourth and goal on the seven, kicked a field goal. That right there tells you that's like the death rattle for a coach.
That's the Pat Shermer when he's punting for the box score. That's a box score move.
That's not a football winning move. That's a – I just want to put up a few points so that when I'm going to look for another job, I don't – at least it doesn't fuck up my average too bad.
So here's how bad Adam Gase is as a head coach. I don't think I've ever seen him smile as a head coach.
He's never – I don't think he's ever been happy as a head coach. He's a two-time head coach.
That's the craziest part. Two-time.
Even if they squeak out a game 13-10 against the Dolphins, you never see Adam Gase enjoying his job. I don't think he likes being a head coach.
No. I don't think he's good at being a head coach.
I don't think that anyone likes seeing Adam Gase coaching their favorite football team. So it begs the question, why is Adam Gase doing this to himself? He's got money stop coaching you hate it pride i don't know no he definitely doesn't have any pride he coaches the jets yeah no i mean it's it's a disaster it's an absolute disaster i want to go back jake marsh here's a project for you this week i want you to go back and find all the times that adam gaze was called an offensive genius throughout like the last years.
Because I just want to laugh at it. I bet you it's a lot.
That's how stupid we are in the media, fans, everything. We've called this guy an offensive genius.
It was like after that one game where Peyton Manning threw seven touchdowns. It was like, this is Adam Gase.
Do you think that a guy like Adam Gase, I was thinking about this,

like what would I do if I was in Adam Gase's shoes right now?

And I think this kind of explains how we get to Adam Gase

having his team prepared so poorly.

If I were in his shoes,

I'd be like, I'm kind of just going to give up

and hope we get a miracle on Sunday.

Like hope for some reason everyone just,

I'm going to call the same plays. I know they don't work, but maybe just maybe they will this time.
And that's how you end up with Adam Gase. If I were Adam Gase, I would pull a full Tony Sperano and say, let's get weird with the offense.
All the crazy shit that you've ever drawn up and had somebody say, no, that's too dumb, it will never work. Let's run all of those plays.
Let's go Wildcat. Have Le'Veon Bell touch the ball every single time.
Just have Sam Donald take off his mask or take off his helmet and try to kiss people. Yeah.
There you go. Try to give him mono.
Split Sam Donald out wide. Have him do the play where you get down on like a knee and start barking like a dog.
Hope the defense looks over at him. And then just throw the ball to the opposite side of the field.
Or install sticky turf and then just injure the entire team until they have no impact players left and try to win the game that way. That might be exactly what he's doing right now.
Interesting. We're going to say, Hank, you are yawning your face off.
Yes. I mean, it's one o'clock in the morning.
Yawns happen. I'd like to quickly note that we've been in New York for like four years,

and they have two major sports teams for every sport,

and none of them are ever good.

That's a fact.

Yankees.

Islanders.

What, the division around to the playoffs?

Islanders made to the Eastern Conference Finals.

Devils.

Trash.

Do Devils still exist?

Yeah, the Devils are still around.

It's just a quick note.

You need two teams.

The Liberty.

And you're still trash.

The Liberty.

What's their tennis team, Jake?

They have a tennis team?

Didn't they try to make professional tennis?

That was the dumbest idea ever.

The New York Football United.

Let's take a really boring sport and then just make it a team

and then just hope people will watch it.

Just a quick little note I just wanted to throw in there. Good note.
Good note. That was a Hank note.
All right, next up, Rams-Eagles. Wait, one more thing with the 49ers-Jets game.
How many times did we need to see the replay of that Mostert touchdown run today? That was on the Red Zone channel I think nine times. Well, what happens is you get uh replay inception so what happens is they get like one or two big plays that they just run on loop on the fox yeah and then on red zone we'll be watching a game and they'll be running the replay on the local so then we're seeing it on red zone but red zone's not running it but it's never happened that many times in a game where we had to see it.
Like every other game, we jumped in on red zone while they were doing a look-in at what happened in the first quarter of the Jets-Niners game. And then I love when Scott Hanson sees those come up, and he's like, we already saw this play early on red zone.
These fucking assholes. Disgusted.
All right, Rams-Eagles,ams 37 eagles 19 the eagles might just be bad and no offense eagles fans but carson wentz might just be bad and i know he probably did a press conference because he carson wentz might be the king of press conferences where he says i gotta get better he's always got to get better he's very good at facing the music yeah i got i hey listen this one's on me i gotta get better and then next week comes out and he's worse and week one you could you could kind of understand it because he had no offensive line and the redskins have an incredible front four washington football team uh sorry washington football team shit this week they did a pretty good job protecting him he just misses guys yeah he just wrote we had that game on like the regular we watched that entire game he just misses guys and throws interceptions and kind of just isn't good right now he stunk he stunk today it's time to push the panic button if you're the eagle it's got to be better got to be better got to be better and you know what he'll be the first to tell you that it starts with him up front so you love to see accountability in a leader like that if you, don't tell everybody that you're good. Jalen Hurts.
Did he ever get in? He did. They showed him.
They used him as a decoy. I don't know what kind of decoy they thought they were using.
They split him out wide. Didn't really have him run many routes whatsoever.
I don't think he ever threw a pass or got. He never took a snap.
He just was there. But he was on the field.
He showed up. He was on the field.
He was delivering plays out to carson winston in the game that was such a i mean they're just and their defense that's the thing too is like i don't want to put it all on cars once their defense was not good and give credit to the rams i think the rams are kind of we're getting the rams from two years ago like they got their mojo back sean mcveigh's got his mojo back. Jared Goff's got his mojo back.

Probably all because of Cooper Cup.

I love when it's one guy.

Yeah.

Like, the straw that stirs a drink.

I'm obviously being a little facetious,

but Cooper Cup got hurt last year,

and their offense kind of fell apart,

and then he's back this year,

and they're like, oh, the Rams are back.

I can't wait to see the breakdowns.

They have to have another Sunday Night Football game

coming up at some point,

where they show the release that Jared Goff has,

and then compare it to what he had last year.

I'm going to be fine. I can't wait to see the breakdowns.
They have to have another Sunday Night Football game coming up at some point where they show the release that Jared Goff has and then compare it to what he had last year. He fixed it.
They're really big on that. Jared Goff has fixed his release and his throwing mechanics.
Split second faster. Yeah, split second faster, and they do the tracer that follows the ball down and then straight up.
He was awesome. Yes, his release looks good this year.
Ryan Tannehill throws a very tall Yeah. Jerry Goff also throws an extremely tall ball.
Listen, I don't want to go around parading, you know, this podcast too much, but our guys are starting to fucking look good. Yeah.
Josh Allen, really good. Jared Goff, really good.
Jared Goff was really good this game. Gardner Minshew, fun.
Really fun. Who else are we missing? That's about it.
Who else are we missing? Mahomes? Mahomes? Actually, the worst of the worst of the three we'll get to mahomes yeah mahomes stinks compared to jared goff and josh allen um yeah i don't know what wait what injury i just want to know for the record what injury are we blaming this loss on for the eagles we have to be on the same page um i think offensive line got hurt so the Eagles are, – my problem with the Eagles are is that if you win a Super Bowl this decade,

I just kind of assume you're still that team for that decade.

Like it's kind of like when we talk about the Seahawks' defense.

Like the Seahawks don't have a good defense anymore.

No, Legion of Boom.

Right.

Like, oh, man, they got guys out there. They should bring back that guy that they kicked out for having sex during training camp.
Yes, they absolutely should. The Eagles are similar where I can't accept that the Eagles might just suck.
But I think they suck. But I won't be able to.
My brain can't work fast enough to realize. The Eagles could just keep losing games like today.
Like, no, but Carson Wentz. They still got Carson Wentz.
Doug Peters is a great coach. Yeah, as long as those two are the same.
And then the year after they won the Super Bowl, they still made it back to the playoffs. So their Super Bowl hangover wasn't even that bad of a hangover.
So it is still this. Jim Schwartz is still around.
Jim Schwartz, his nipples still popping. And Eagles fans, the Super Bowl gravy period, the grace period is over because they we were around a bunch of them today they are motherfucking their team and i actually am like good you're back because i looked at smitty who you know i've known smitty for a decade now and he was fucking screaming at the eagles i was like smith you guys want a won a Super Bowl like three years ago.
I said, I don't give a fuck. These guys suck right now.
I was like, okay, good. Philly's got Philly back.
They've accepted it. Yeah, I like that.
I don't want my Philly to be happy. I want my Philly to have that edge.
There's no better way to make Philadelphians realize that their team's not good than it's really one of two losses. If you lose to the Dallas Cowboys, that's one great way of like that will throw the entire city into a panic right or if you lose to the worst team one of the worst teams in the league that people thought coming into this year in Washington week one but really we we need to wait until they play against the Cowboys because if they lose that game at that point they will be calling for Doug Peterson to be fired.
Yes, absolutely. All right, next game, we have Broncos-Steelers.
Drew Locke got hurt. I think he's out for a few weeks.
I saw this Schefter tweet. Can you actually play the Fox injury music underneath this? These tweets piss me off so much, PFT, because everyone got hurt today.
This is the everyone got hurt day. Schefter tweeted today.
Nick Bosa carted off with bad knee injury. Saquon Barkley carried off with knee injury.
Paris Campbell carted off with knee injury. Drew Locke in locker room with shoulder injury.
Man. Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot.
Damn. Adam's new to the NFL.
Schefter. Yeah.
That really hits home, dude. Every year, I feel like, has one week like this where the injuries.
People remember, oh, yeah, football is actually a pretty dangerous sport to play sometimes. But it's also so funny to just that tweet.
You're not breaking any news. You're just looking for retweets based solely off of guys getting injured.
That's true. Yeah, man.
Look at how much I feel for these guys. I took at least 25 seconds out of my day to craft this tweet.
Well, because he doesn't get to break injury news. Yeah, it's true.
Because the HIPAA? Yeah, yeah. He's a HIPAA felon.
He doesn't get to do that anymore. Yeah, he's a felon.
Yeah, they took away his, like, when you lose your right to vote or own weapons. Right.
Adam Schefter is not allowed to come anywhere close to injury news right news. He has to give it like a 30-minute grace period before he can comment on it to make sure that it's all squarely legal.
But yeah, Drew Locke, that sucks that he's hurt. But the funny thing is I could see John Elway falling in love with Jeff Driscoll.
Oh, yeah. That is prime.
Jeff Driscoll is Drew Locke without any of the flash. So that's perfect for John Elway.
He could talk himself into giving him the start once Drew Locke gets healthy. Also, Jeff Driscoll has a big-ass booty since we're booty guys.
Have you ever seen the picture where it looked like he was wearing a thong at Florida? I have not seen that, no. Oh, my God.
It's ridiculous. He had a thong ass like he's wearing a thong that is a thong yeah i remember that jeff driscoll's thong for a second i thought he was the guy that shit himself i don't we don't kink shame no it's fine but jeff driscoll wears a thong while he's playing football just never a good rule of thumb is never draft a florida quarterback yeah look that's a thong he's wearing a thong jeff driscoll's a thong wear on the football field.
How is it possible that Florida never has a Florida quarterback. Yeah, look.
That's a thong. Yeah, he's wearing a thong.
Jeff Driscoll's a thong wearer on the football field. How is it possible that Florida never has a good quarterback, though? Ever.
Who was the last good quarterback that they had? In the NFL? Rex Grossman. Yeah.
Cam Newton. We could count Cam.
Yeah. Tebow.
Tebow won a playoff game. Tebow.
People forget that he won a playoff game. I still can't.
I mean, he wears a thong. It's crazy.
He wears a fucking thong while he plays football. Do we have any pictures of him in the Broncos uniform? No, but he's probably wearing a thong too.
I just don't get it. How do you do it? The SEC message board is just like dudes in fucking Alabama and South Carolina and Mississippi, they go to bed at night and they get down on their knees.
They pray to God. And they're like, please let one of my rivals quarterbacks where get caught wearing a thong while playing football.
It's just so I can, I can escape this, this, this reality for a minute on the message board and have a day. I guarantee you, Steve Spur wore a thong while coaching and playing.
Oh, fuck. He golfs in the thong.
So Steelers, I don't know. Do we know if the Steelers are good? We don't know if the Steelers are good.
Their defense is very good. Their defense is awesome.
Big Ben, I think, is fully back to being Big Ben. He had one of those boneheaded interceptions where you can tell on a play when Big Ben starts to think that's when everything goes awry Big Ben does his best work when he's just naturally reacting to things or like when a chicken gets their head cut off and their body still keeps going if you can figure out a way to shut down Ben's brain during a play then you're going to have the best version of Big Ben but he had one where he had a little too much time to think and he was like uh i guess he got rid of it and like threw it across his body lobbed it up in the field got easily picked off but i think big ben is is fully back to being big ben yes i agree he also got assaulted when he just flopped and it was so funny yeah um the only other thing i wrote down for this game we don't talk enough about bud dupree being a great football player and also having an unbelievable name like bud dupree is an unbelievable name that's a guy bud dupree is is uh is paul bunyan's like best friend bud dupree yeah drives around in a ford and is like the best shot this side of you know the mississippi i was gonna say it sounds like bud dupree could get you a great deal on any pre-used Toyota.
Maybe a pre-used Chevy guy. He's a pre-used Chevy, really a truck man.
Bud Dupree is a song like Johnny Cash writes a song about Bud Dupree, the toughest man he ever knew. We don't talk enough about how great of a name that is.
He's going to get paid soon, he's fucking awesome but bud dupree we just the world needs to say more often like bud dupree there's a football player that's awesome at football named bud dupree come on down to bud dupree's uh pre-owned boat and f-150 emporium i'll we free trailer hitches installed on sundays bud dupree there's's five of us sitting in this room right now. Billy's not here.
There's five of us sitting in this room right now. Bud Dupree has more like machismo just in his name than all five of us.
If we ookie cookied something and be like, here you go. This is all our testosterone.
No, Bud Dupree. Yeah, he makes tom still alive uh for the purposes of this podcast yes okay but bud dupree would bitch slap tom sellick and tom sellick would say thank you sir it has been an honor to get bitch slapped by you bud dupree bud dupree's pubes are the tom sellick mustache of pubes yes exactly Yes, exactly.
So Bud Dupree, we might become a Bud Dupree podcast. It's fun to say.
Yeah, right. Isn't it? Bud Dupree, just great.
Shout out Bud Dupree's parents who were like, we have a last name Dupree. Let's name him Bud.
I wonder if that's probably not his given name. I mean, if it is, that would be, that would take this over the top.
Let's see. Bud Dupree, Alvin.
Anybody would be better. The fact that his name's Alvin, but his name's Bud.
Alvin Dupree. Whatever.
Bud Dupree. Let's go.
And he's a junior, too. PFT, you want to do the ad real quick? You want to do 3Chi? Yeah.
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All right.

I have to stand up because my back is going to fucking Die Alright Bucks 31 Panther 17 What Like these chairs Are a fucking joke I don't know what we bought Like they're Yeah my back feels fine What are these chairs They're terrible for your posture But they're great for Chillaxification I'm just slunk Like and I've been Eating like shit I'm just I'm just laid back Right now I'm just Nice relaxed on a Sunday night. It's just football time.
It's football season. You know when you're just like, part of my walk that I was talking about at the start of the show, I was just trying to inhale as much fresh air as possible, knowing that I'm like a caged animal on Sundays.
We should do our Philly shows from a dumpster. We should rent a dumpster and then just go out in the street.
Fill it up with water. Yeah.
Fantastic. Panthers, Bucs.
Panthers, Bucs. What I really love is that every single time that the Patriots lose, the Bucs win, or when the Bucs lose, the Patriots win.
That way we can keep debating for the rest of eternity who won this offseason. I was mad because Rosillo came up with a great just power rankings every week.
1-2. Tom Brady, Belichick.
I'm sure he has Tom Brady 1, Belichick 2 now this week. Yeah, that's how it's got to be.
Yeah, it's got to be. So, but yeah, I...
Does Matt Rule have dumb face? His glasses are too big. That's the thing.
He has glasses of someone who's 60 pounds heavier than he is. I'm starting to think he's got dumb face because, well, there's something special happening this year where football coaches getting mad that choose to wear the visor are so funny because they lift the visor to scream at their team, which the optics of visor i understand like they're trying to send the right message but when you lift it and scream at someone the visor is not what's the point of wearing the visor right and it also looks like a welder being like tapping on a welder's shoulder like what what they lift up their visor like what'd you say but matt rule i first thought thought of this when he went for a fake punt on fourth and two.
There's another dumb, dumb fake punt. On the 36-yard line.
The 36-yard line. The only person he was faking out in that scenario was David Shaw, the coach at Stanford.
Because he saw a punt from the opponent's 36, and he was like, good move, dude. Want to play the field position.
That's the only person. There's no one else in the world who thought an NFL coach was punting from the opponent's 36-yard line, and then Matt Rule did it, and then he pulled up his visor to yell at his punter for fucking it up, even though it was Matt Rule's stupid decision.
Why don't you just keep your offense out there? And I said to myself, I think Matt Rule might be dumb. Well, he definitely has the look where his mouth is open more often than it's not.
Yeah. So, yeah, and when he yells, he spits into the clear visor that's in front of him.
And so that's always a weird look when you get the spittle from the inside on it. Yes.
But, yeah, Matt Rule, I'm not ready to say that he's dumb just yet. Might have dumb face.
Why don't you – I'd like to see a coach try to fake a punt on, like,

first or second down.

If that's going to be your offense, if you're saying that we're at the 36-yard line,

we need, what, two yards?

Yeah.

And our best chance to get it is by having our punt team on the field to fake it,

why not just build the entire offense out of fake punts?

That's what Adam Gase should do.

I like that.

Just fake punt offense.

Yeah, just get fucking weird with it, man. Fuck everyone up.
Leonard Fournette fits better in an offense where he doesn't fall down at the line of scrimmage. Yeah, he had a nice big run.
I mean, I don't really know. I thought, because this was one of the games we had on, I thought Tom Brady looked good.
He's definitely not dead like people were trying to bury him after week one. But it's also a very weird fit at times in that offense.
And you could tell it was like there were moments where it worked and there was moments where it was clunky. I mean, I would imagine by week five, six, we can start grading.
By the way, just a heads up, the Bucs have like a super easy schedule coming up. So the Bucs are going to get some, wow, look at the Buc't think i'm gonna go look at right now but i don't think they're getting like truly tested again for a while so tom brady's gonna get fat on some teams and everyone's gonna be singing the praises of the bucks and i just don't know they play the broncos next week the chargers the bears like i said the packers which would be a good game Raiders Giants just don't know.
They play the Broncos next week, the Chargers, the Bears. I guess they have the Packers, which would be a good game.
Raiders, Giants. Like those, they're going to end up being 6-1 here.
You know, 5-2. 6-1, 6-2, somewhere around there.
So just get ready for that. And I just don't know if we're going to fully know what they are.
I just, I miss Robronkowski. Yeah, it's not stoked.
He's not. He's totally not having a good time right now.
No, it's yeah, it's sad. Did he catch a pass today? Let me see.
He's kind of like we have our own Rob Gronkowski who's doing schoolwork and whatever. How much streaming do you think Billy did today, Hank?

What do you think?

Six to seven hours.

How much video games did he play?

Probably played a good amount.

Yeah.

Did he get out of the gulag?

He's got to do school work, though.

Mike Evans is awesome, by the way.

Rob Gronkowski, zero catches.

One target.

Not stoked at all.

We're not stoked. We're not stoked.

We're not stoked about that.

Okay.

Yeah, that's all I had for Panthers-Bucks.

I don't know what to make of the Panthers.

I feel like they might be one of the worst teams in the league now,

depending on how bad Christian McCaffrey's hurt.

Oh, yeah.

Wait.

Schefter didn't even put that in the tweet.

He didn't include anything about Christian?

Man. Christian McCaffrey hurt.
Classic ESPN. Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot.
All right. Cardinals versus your Washington football team.
I'm going to throw a flag on something you said earlier. You did think they were going to maybe win this game.
You absolutely did. You did the bird alert.
Yeah. You took them.
You bet them plus seven. You thought that the Washington football team was actually a good football team.

I bet them plus seven and a half.

Right.

But you thought.

They are the best football team in the NFL.

I knew.

Name another football team better than the Washington football team.

When I get myself delusions of grandeur, I know.

I watched you watch that game.

You were excited for it.

You thought they were a good football team. They are a good football team.
They're the best football team in the league. Just by name, name alone.
Ron Rivera quit on this team. That was sad.
And that was very, he didn't use any of his timeouts. They were, it was a two score game.
If they stopped, which they did get the stop. Their defense is so good.
I just don't, I don't think Dwayne Haskins, like every time I watch Dwayne Haskins, it feels like he's good whenever they're down and everything opens up a little bit and it gets a little easier. But in the beginning of games, it just doesn't look good.
So it doesn't matter how fast your defensive line is. When you have a quarterback that is at least half a second faster than all of them in the 40-yard dash, then it's just impossible.
You can't get to him. You can't make him feel pressure because he'll wiggle out of it.
There were times where it looked like the TV was glitching because Kyler Murray would be here, and then half a second later, he'd go behind a defender or his offensive lineman, and then he'd be like seven yards downfield. You know what he's really good at doing? He's really good at wiggling.
He's the best wiggler in the NFL right now. He's also not like – I can't really describe it,

but he'll sometimes scramble,

and when he's clear that he's not going to get any yards out of it,

he'll just slide and take like one yard.

So it looks like a bad play, but it's just him not taking negative yards.

It's him not taking sacks.

So I think he's starting to figure it out more,

and I'm a believer in Kyler Murray. DeAndre Hopkins still like Bill O'Brien.
You're an idiot. You have the Browns next week.
Are you going to sell yourself on that? Yeah, I think we got the Browns. Okay.
And then you're going to get pasted by the Ravens. Yeah.
And then the Rams. Bird alert.
Bird alert. The Rams.
And the Rams. Yeah.
Probably get jacked up by them. You also thought that because your bird alert was right week one, you're like, this might be a thing.
Oh, yeah, it occurred to me. I looked up their schedule, and I saw that they play every bird team in the NFL besides the Falcons.
So they might just be the bird hunters. I don't know.
You have to sell yourself on dumb things like that. I'm not blaming you.
If you know that the season's not going to go anywhere, you've got to have little fun things that you figure out. The only reason I brought up was because earlier in the show, you were like, yeah, they lost.
We knew they were going to lose. I don't think you thought they were going to win, which I agree.
You have to sell yourself on something. You do.
It's a fan being a fan. You know what it is? I'm excited for the first time in years to watch Washington football.
Because their defense is awesome. So any glimpse that I get, I'm like, yeah, the defense is great.

They got rid of Bruce Allen.

So there are all these reasons why they got Ron Rivera and Jack Del Rio.

So I'm ready to be sucked in.

I'm ready to be hurt again, as Michael Scott would put it.

No, that defense is good.

And they're fun to watch.

Chase Young's awesome.

But I don't know. You've got to figure out the quarterback thing.
I also noticed that Kyler Murray, he, sometimes he just spins for fun. Yeah.
When he's in the open field, nobody's just getting close to tackle. He does it.
Yeah. Like when you see a spectacularly, uh, like graceful gazelle running in the open, uh, across the open plane and just doing these dances that, you know, he's just doing for fun.
That's what Kyler Murray does when he's in the open field, except he's got people chasing him. Yes.
All right, next up we have Chiefs Chargers. Okay, so Anthony Lynn, you're coaching losing football, dude.
I don't know what that was. That was the Chargers played their fucking balls off.
Justin Herbert was good. He made the one mistake that I think we all kind of were expecting, and it cost them because you just can't make mistakes against Patrick Mahomes.
But the Chargers defense made Patrick Mahomes look totally ordinary. Like, he struggled all day.
They had no rhythm on offense. Their offensive line didn't look good.
And then you get to the overtime, fourth and one. You have a quarterback who's been running the ball pretty well that day he's big dude and you punt and give it back to Patrick Mahomes who again their offense wasn't that good they had to kick a 58 yard field goal they'd do it three times to win the game but still Anthony Lynn you were coaching losing football that was such a baffling thing to do to just give the ball back to Patrick Mahomes.
The Chiefs found themselves in situations. I don't think I've ever seen the Chiefs more than once or twice in a game get to like third and six or third and seven.
That just does not compute to me, seeing that Chiefs offense on the field and then seeing those numbers next to it because it's like you should get – I'm used to seeing them get eight yards every first down right at the minimum but they were like scratching and clawing getting these like five six yard completions to Travis Kelsey in traffic in the middle of the field and yeah the Chiefs didn't look like the Chiefs it turns out maybe I don't know as much about the NFL as I thought that I think I said the Chiefs are going to score 100 points well I this is going to sound crazy less than 100 it's going to sound crazy because it was we're talking about the offense now but i really do believe that tyrod taylor starts that game the chiefs win by like 25 yeah because justin herbert he had two things going for him one he actually was taking shots and two we've talked about this before but you have rookie quarterbacks young quarter quarterbacks, when you can get it to that perfect level of they're just dumb enough to not realize they're bad, and they're just like, I'm going to go out and play. So he didn't fully realize the mistakes he might have been making, and if you can bottle that up, you can do something with that.
And he was running for some first downs. He took a couple shots.
He actually concussed that Chiefs defender when he got knocked out. He had several welcome-to-the-NFL-Rook Stephen Shea moments of the day where he just was not used to getting hit that hard.
And like you said, he's dumb enough to not know that that's not a bad thing yet or that that's a bad thing yet. Right.
So he's still putting his body there and taking shots uh like trying to try to get like meaningless couple yards at the ends of plays sometimes but yeah the chiefs they didn't look like the chiefs but they won they won ugly i guess we've seen the chiefs win every other type of football yeah except for ugly and andy reed has a mask that doesn't get fogged anymore it had technology yeah the technology no it was nh. Meaning, I don't know.
He probably rubbed it down with peanut oil or something on the inside. He soaked it up like scuba gear.
He cleaned it. I have a stat for you.
Justin Herbert was the first guy with a pass and rush touchdown in the first half of the NFL debut since Bob Clutterbuck. 1954.
I know when Bob Clutterbuck. You don't make names like that anymore.
Well, Bud Dupree is close. Yeah, no, Bob Clutterbuck's more like a vacuum salesman.
Yeah, Bud Dupree. Bob Clutterbuck is, that guy had a job.
That guy had a job outside of football, like, because the paycheck wasn't good enough. And he would just, he was just a regular, like, you live next door to Bob Clutterbuck.
Bud Dupree has fired Bob Clutterbuck no less than six times over the course of his career. Bob Clutterbuck was just a dude who just lived, like, oh, yeah, I live next to Bob Clutterbuck, starter for the Giants.
Well, fortunately for the Chargers fans out there, Terod's coming back next week as a starter. Anthony Lynn said that after the game was over.
Terod is our starter, even though I guess he hurt his chest in pregame warm-ups.

Yeah.

I don't know.

It sounded kind of serious because he said that he went to the hospital, right?

Oh, really?

Yeah, but he said that Terod is going to be the starter next week,

which is that is no one's ever gotten fired for starting Terod Taylor.

Well, Terod Taylor.

So Anthony Lynn's doing the smart thing of keeping his job

by keeping Justin Herbert on ice,

but it's the dumb thing of Justin Herbert showed that he's clearly capable of being in the NFL and playing. And why wouldn't you play him right away? Terod Taylor is a great lesson in life.
Like if you're just a nice enough person, people won't really be ever very critical of you because I saw it written a few times today where they're like teron taylor like really nice guy doesn't take a lot of shots down to he stinks it's okay to say he stinks we feel bad for him you know he never really got the he never he never kind of found his spot he's a good backup i'm sure he's a great teammate he's not a good quarterback he's not a good starting quarterback to me it's a red flag when you say somebody as good as they are of a football player they're an even better human it's like so they're not that good at this point if you're a starting quarterback you should be a way better football player than you are yes you should be a shitty human yes you have a great quarterback you pretty much have to have a nobel peace prize to be a better human than you are a quarterback if you're if you're an nfl player so yeah maybe he just needs to start being an asshole. Maybe Terod needs to say, you know what, fuck it, I'm going to go back to the old me.
I don't even know if he was ever an asshole. The new me, yeah.
I'm going to go back to the new me that has never existed before and just be a piece of shit. Maybe then I'll be a better quarterback.
Yeah. All right, last up, Ravens-Texans.
So the Ravens are just incredible the texans i actually i'm not ready to to shit on the texans yet because they had to play the chiefs in the fucking ravens like you can't start harder than that yeah that's a tough so i'm not gonna go like it's actually almost the reverse of like the bears or the steelers playing two terrible teams to start you can can't sit here and say definitively the Texans stink. They don't look good, but they played the Chiefs and the Ravens.
I think that this is no exaggeration. I think I could be the punter for the Ravens this year and not cost them any games.
Yeah, easily. They never go for it.
They always go for it. They always go for it on fourth down.
Carbos is addicted to going for it. He loves going for it.
Ever since he realized that, oh, yeah, fourth down is actually just another regular play. And we get like six yards every play anyway.
Ever since the computer folks told him that stat, he's been addicted to going for it. I think I could punt for the Ravens, and we'd still go, I'd say, 13-3.
The Ravens are Alabama. They're Alabama football.
They just run the ball

down your fucking throat.

Efficient passing game, but today

in that fourth quarter, they

almost, like we were all sitting here

rooting for the over, and I felt

more confident that the Ravens would maybe get it

than a team that can pass because

the Ravens just rip off these runs

that they look like college

football runs. In the NFL, you're

not supposed to be able to run the ball like the

Ravens run the ball. They run the ball

I'm sorry. Because the Ravens just rip off these runs that they look like college football runs.
In the NFL, you're not supposed to be able to run the ball like the Ravens run the ball.

They run the ball and they'll just fucking...

Like that fourth and one where Ingram scores.

I've seen that play in an Alabama game where I've covered a spread

because Alabama wasn't even trying to run up the score.

They're just so much better than you that they do it.

When are we going to get the conversation going for you should extend lamar jackson now now pay him now now pay him pay lamar yesterday right now because they're getting a hell of a deal out of him yes they gotta win though they gotta win the time is short uh so even as bad as the texans were that's the only the only second Deshaun Watson has lost by more than 14 points. Last time, Ravens last year.
So the Ravens kind of just own the Texans. They have their numbers.
They just kick the shit out of the Texans. All right.
Let's get to – let's finish up. So we're going to do Football Guy of the Week.
We're going to do Who's Back of the Week. And we'll do a little NBA talk.
I don't think there was – was there any other thing? I don't think there was any, like, tournaments or anything that happened today? No. Okay, so perfect.
So that will be the rest of the show. Let's do Football Guy of the Week presented by our friends at Phillips Norelco.
Football Guy of the Week presented by Phillips Norelco. Like I said, you got to get Phillips Norelco get the the one blade uh the one blade shaver it's the best it trims edge shave any length of hair football guy of the week presented by phillips norelco one blade the only tool that can trim edge and shave any length of hair i have the ad open now i have been using it though so i've been using the my uh one blade for i don't know two years now since phillips norelco on the scene with us.
And it's perfect. I'm telling you guys, there are a lot of times where you're saying to yourself, I want to have that movie star stubble.
I want to look good. I want to have that perfect.
The big beards are out. You need that nice stubble, that perfect length.
That's what we're going for. And Philips Norocco has that for you.
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They're the presenting sponsor for our Football Guy of the Week. Your style made simple.
Philips Noroco, one blade. So the Philips Noroco Football Guy of the Week, Jake Marsh, you sent us the email.
I'm looking for the email. You texted it to us.
It's texted, yeah. It's texted to us.
I got them right here. I can read them off.
Get us going. All right, first one was Syracuse quarterback Rex Culpepper.
Great, great quarterback name. He threw his first touchdown of his career, 69-yard score, after being declared cancer-free in 2018.
Oh, little heartstrings for us, Gene. He went through 100 hours of chemotherapy.
Hank is literally dead. Hank's dying.
He's dead. He was just lying.
Our poor boy. He was just laying back.
We're back to the grinder. I miss having American Ninja Warrior on TV right now.
Sunday nights suck. I also have to listen to this back, so this is like, you know, I can miss it the first time.
We're funnier the second time. But if we're flipping it, We, PFT and I also had to listen to this back.
So this is like, you know, I can miss it the first time. But if we're flipping it, PFT and I also had to work the last four.

We had to work during Sunday Night Football.

That's true.

Same.

Well, you had to watch the game.

We had to work.

On a stream.

True.

Work.

Work.

Grind.

Work, work, work.

I'm not even.

You can nap.

Okay.

Yeah, just fall asleep for the rest of the podcast.

You'll be good.

Wait, but should I wake you up when we want to make fun of LeBron? Because it's AD's team? Yeah, I'm ready for who's back. All right, okay, all right.
I'm listening. I'm just resting my eyes a little bit.
Then we have the parents of high school quarterback Jake Garcia are nominated. They had to legally separate from their son in order for him to be eligible to play after transferring.
So it's like a reverse blindside. They orphaned their own son and then sent him out to LA.

Yes.

Sandra Bullock needs to make that.

I love that move.

I love that move.

And then Colts owner Jim Irsay gave a motivational speech on Twitter while standing over the bench press.

I think we talked about that on Friday.

And then Desmond Pulliam, he's a high school senior in Texas with autism spectrum disorder

who scored his first career touchdown in a rivalry game. I saw the replay of this.
I saw the highlight of this. He's got wheels.
I would like to make a PSA to anyone who's ever involved in one of these types of plays where they have somebody come on the field who's maybe been associated with the team for a while and want to get them in a game before they graduate. Give them a good five yards worth of space as they're running the ball into the end zone his teammates came dangerously close to tackling him several times yeah on this run yes i know you want to be on sports and are like high-fiving on the way to the end zone don't trip him also do you think anybody in the stands had the under on that game yeah and then that play that's got to be tough and then you don't you just have to like bite your tongue and just be like.
No, you can bitch about it after. Yeah.
You can bitch about it after. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You can bitch it in private. What are you, Jake Rinaldi today? Trying to make us cry? Fucking sad, sad stories.
What the hell, man? We want the dudes who are like, who like, who, the guy who's got like cirrhosis of the liver and he's like, I'll play without a liver. Brett Favre.
Yeah, Brett Favre. I'll coach without a liver.
Not just actually sad stories. That's Bruce Arians.
Yeah, fuck. All right.
So, Phil Sorocco, Football Guy of the Week. Vote.
We'll put up the blog. Maybe we'll try to get in touch with him.
I mean, I'm just going to cry. We're just going to cry now.

Yeah.

We should have a cry episode of part of my take.

Yeah.

Where we just cry.

Yeah.

Where we just try to make each other cry.

We'd watch Marley and me.

Don't even say Marley and me.

Yeah, I know.

I just said it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right.

Hank wouldn't cry.

No, Hank's a dog owner now.

You ever seen Normie?

You ever think about Normie getting old?

You ever think about Normie getting old you ever think about normie no stop i was i mean he loves you so much i love him right he's my best friend best already there are boys damn how big is his dick i don't know you don't know that would actually be so funny if normie because he's like he's a wiener dog right uh-huh but if he just had a fucking hog he doesn't you know he doesn't really whip it out in front of me we got a good uh bro connection oh really he's really low to the ground ria though he'll like she'll he'll just get excited to start going hand likes chicks yeah does he ever does it ever scrape against the ground when he's walking uh yeah, sometimes after he pees, there'll be a little trail.

I'll be like, damn, Norman.

Oh, so he does have a little tripod.

Oh, he's so small to the ground.

Quad pod?

No.

Quinn pod.

Quinn pod?

His fifth leg?

All right, enough about Hank's dog's dick.

Who's back of the week?

Hank.

My who's back of the week.

You said we were going to do it later, but I'm just going to do it now. No, we're doing it.
This is the end of the show. We're going to end the show.
Gordon Hayward. Yeah.
And Anthony Davis. So go on.
Gordon Hayward's back. The Celtics beat the Heat.
He's looking good. The Celtics are looking good.
That locker room blow up, by the way, was way bigger than I thought it was.

Like, I was reading some of the tweets.

It seemed like they really were mad.

I told you, yeah.

I said it on the show. But they fought it out and they kept it in-house.

Yes, as first reported by me on the show two days ago.

Marcus Smart wedgied Brad Stevens.

Yeah, I mean, pretty usual.

I was trying to give you guys a fax.

You guys were trying to make jokes.

He hung them up.

I'm not really listening to what I was saying, but I told you all this the other day. I gave him a swirly.
All for the cause. You down for the cause? They kept it in-house.
Yeah, I'm down for the 18th banner, 18th ring. Sorry, Gordon Hayward, he's staying in the bubble, though, right? He's staying in the bubble.
He's having another child. Is it a boy? I don't know.
This one's a boy. Daddy's happy.
Daddy's really actually happy this time. Yeah, for sure.
I think he just realized if you're in the bubble, you can play unlimited amounts of video games. Yeah.
Whereas if you go home, then you have to go to the hospital with your wife and hold her hand while she gives birth. It's a big thing.
He's like, I'd be on the sticks the best was when we uh gordon hayward i think the bubble started right as doug's was ending but we stream rated gordon hayward one night and everyone just told him that doc rivers died and then he realized that like our chat just fucks with people and he was like why would you say that that's like so fucked up i felt really bad yeah dog it was also really funny dog rivers would be an excellent name for like for like an old bloodhound oh you should have named normie dog rivers dog rivers what's up hank why he's not a choker oh wow um that's my who's back okay okay my who's back ad it is his team Yeah. So, yeah.
I mean, I'm not going to say it, but let's just say, you know, I've thought about some things this weekend. Yeah.
No, LeBron's going to win a title. We have to get.
Yeah. We have to, like, get on the same page.
I'm not saying that, but I. Like, what's the line? What's the company line going to be? I ran some simulations.
I ran a lot of simulations, and they're all kind of coming out the same way. You just thought of it.
I think the simulations is Hank thinking too long about something. I think being a father should be the number one job that LeBron should have right now.
Yes, it's true. He should leave the bubbler.
Let's just say that was not the bubbler. That was not the first time LeBron James Jr.
has smoked weed. He knew his way around to Philly.
He knows what he is doing. Great caption, by the way, too.
What was the caption? It was like, we were smoking that Nuggets pack tonight, right after the Lakers beat the Nuggets. I would say something like that.
If we beat the Nuggets, and I was smoking a celebratory blunt, it's like, yeah, we're smoking the Nuggets pack. He's better at smoking weed than I am.
And he's only, what, 17 years old? Is he? How old? I think he's 16. He's great at smoking weed.
It is weird. I love Brian James Jr.
He's a fucking in the phase clan smoking weed every day. Clearly he's against his dad much like all of us.
So it's like... That part might be made up.
No, no, no. That's right.
He hates LeBron James. He hates his dad.
Just like us. Yeah, he's rebelling against his dad.
We all hate LeBron James, including Bronny. Bronny, open invite to come on this show whenever you want.
Yeah, you know what? We should be a Bronny podcast. I DM'd with him once, and then I was like, wait, I'm DMing with a 15-year-old.
Yeah, it's weird. This is weird.
But yeah, it is weird when he trends. That's kind of weird.
Yeah. Everyone's just like talking about him.
He's like, this 16-year-old. Yeah.
But then again. People making videos and stuff.
Yeah, that's weird. But then again, he also taped himself.
Yeah. So he clearly wants everyone to know that he smokes.
That's the thing. It's like, bro, we know you're cool now.
Right. He joins FaZe Clan.
He's doing all this shit. Yeah, he knows that he has to be in front of the camera.
Also, biggest clown move of all time was LeBron James just bitching and moaning about not winning MVP and not even congratulating Giannis. Right, right.
Saying it was bullshit voting? Is that what he said? Scum. Maybe be better and you win MVP.
Yeah. Maybe if you worry less about MVP, your're not going to win finals MVP if you win the championship.
No disrespect to families, though. No disrespect to families.
Yeah. Also, maybe if you didn't feed them wine all the time, they wouldn't smoke weed.
That's right. It's actually healthier.
They're probably just trying to get rid of the spins from all the wine they're drinking. This is Bronny actually going on a health kick.
This is his version of becoming vegan. It's just like, you know what? I'm not going to drink alcohol.
It's better for you if I just stay high all the time. In all honesty, it must suck.
It's probably great to be Bronny James Jr. because you're awesome at basketball and your dad's LeBron James.
But at the same time, it sucks. Because you're trending on Twitter after you do something that every fucking kid does.
Every kid smokes weed. Just don't post it.
Yeah. No, I say post harder.
Post through it. Yeah.
Because if you stop posting now, then you're letting the haters win. If LeBron James wins a title and LeBron James Jr.
hits a gravity bong on a live stream, I might actually become a LeBron James fan. Smoking that.
Through Bronny James Jr. as a portal.
Uh-huh. As a portal.
I might be like, if I ever met LeBron James, I'd be like, sir, I'm a big fan of your son. Yeah.
That's it. Straight up.
Like, I'm a big Bronny. And you know what? Whatever part you had in raising him, good job.
Yeah. You're an even better father than a basketball player.
Yes. You know what would be great is if they won the championship and then Bronny was just hanging out with JaVale and J.R.
Smith, just blazing it up. Oh, J.R.
Smith definitely DMed. Just hot boxing the Escalade at the front of the parade.
Yes. Just like crack the window, a little smoke comes out, all you see is shirtless J.R.
like cutting a milk gallon in half to start to make that gravity. No, J.R.
Smith definitely DMed Bronny James Jr. He's like, you're cooler than your dad.
That's what's up. You're already cooler.
Your dad says the same shit to me, don't worry. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
When he comes down on you, don't worry. It's all love.
You might want to rethink that LeBron James is not cool because my who's back was going to be LeBron's thoughts. Wait, before you do that, do the last ad, but I want to hear this.
Yeah, LeBron's thoughts are huge. The last ad, actually, this is great.
I'm not even going to call it an ad. I'm just going to say this is me saying that body armor is fucking awesome.
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All right.

Evo LeBron.

Yes, LeBron's thoughts are back this week.

So he's doing geometry right now.

Red alert, he's doing geometry.

He said, exactly why I have my closed circle,

because as soon as you try to expand a square, the people who you thought were in your corner are the exact opposite so you get do you get that yes so that's why he has a circle because if you open it up then no one's in your corner anymore i i thought that was about brawny james jr and by opening up he meant like having kids oh i thought you meant like circle like puff puff pass around the circle do you think LeBron didn't even understand the Bronny James Jr thing so he was like getting mad at the person who filmed Bronny James Jr not realizing it was Bronny James Jr yeah somebody went behind Bronny's back and posted this video of him on his own Instagram snakes in the grass man I tell you my thought and then did you see the correction no he just responded with an asterisk saying are a re instead of okay no but the philosophy of the expanded circle into a square that still stands yeah right we can all agree on that yes LeBron James teaching geometry but also imparting life lessons would be uh that'd be a TED talk I would be here for when he tweets like that i just i giggle to myself endlessly like where do you think he got this saying from though three-time nba champion or 14 year old girl going through a breakup yeah you decide when when you go off on a tangent no one will co-sign for you lebron james fat thoughts anyone who tweets sub tweets like super dramatic shit like this i mean we said last week dan orlovsky when he was like remember those and lied to you i won't like what what who are you saying this to either just tell us tell us who doesn't the square that doesn't fit in the circle or whatever the fuck you're saying lebron or don't i always don't leave us hanging i always assume it's kairi it's still kairi still kairi yeah i like that um or maybe ad because ad is it's clearly his team yeah i mean he got the shot he did get the shot he got the and lebron james passed up on his shot mm-hmm poor poor nuggets i like them they're fun all right my who's back is um the chris bear it's all the way back Do you guys get all the Chris Bear this weekend? Chris Bear is back I like it. They're fun.
All right. My who's back is the Chris Bear.
It's all the way back. Yeah.
Did you guys get all the Chris Bear this weekend? Chris Bear is back. I like it to a point.
I usually like this first week of the Chris Bear. This summer, it's a little bit different, though, because I spent the last six months inside air conditioning.
You know? And that's always a treat if it's really hot outside and you re-enter air conditioning. Yeah.
awesome. But I've had more than my fair share of crisp air.
I like some dank, musky air. No, that's manufactured air.
The real crisp air is officially back. It feels like fall.
Football's humming. I think I said this maybe the first year we did the podcast, but when you're a bigger guy, it's like a big dog getting their life back when the Chris Bear comes.
The summer's hard. The summer, like, slogs for anyone who's got breasts like I do.
And then that first taste of Chris Bear and sweatshirt weather, I feel like I could just run. I have the zoomies.
I just run like crazy. And I don't actually run.
I'm not saying I run. But you know what I mean? You feel like you could.
My brain could run. could run you feel like you could yeah and i just put on a little lumineers feel like a poet feel like i'm i walked around philly this morning i'm gonna say it this morning was like a movie you should start doing some emo tweets yeah it was like a rom-com i was a judd apatow yeah you've got taylor swift humming in the background yeah and all the whole time i was just uh like farting and thinking about what bets i was gonna make but that's the new rom-com yeah i i got into a car the other day and it had heat on and it felt good to step into the heat i just felt like it's too soon for this yeah it's too soon i don't i love the chris bear i i hope someday went many years from now when i die it's just sitting outside in the ch the Chris Bear.
I did that this morning. I was like a real Philly scumbag.
I took a chair, and I sat it right in front of the apartment. We were in a townhouse.
I just sat it on the sidewalk. I just sat in a chair on the sidewalk for an hour.
Just looking at people passing by? Yeah, all I needed was a hose to just hose kids as they walked by. Be like, get out of here, scram.
It felt great. I like the crisp air at night.
Not a fan. During the day, it should be hot.
At night, it should be cold. No.
So that way when we watch Sunday night football, you get the steaming heads and you get the steam coming out of the mouth when people exhale. I love that.
I don't like seeing hot air at night. No, I need crisp air all the time.

All right.

That's our show.

I think we missed.

We didn't miss anything, right?

That's it.

That's so when you think about the big major sports going on, we got basketball.

We talked a little bit of hockey.

We mentioned hockey at least.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

The stars look awesome.

And Stoolstream's Jenga today.

We forgot to talk about that.

Oh, Jenga's Jenga today.

That's a big sport. A bunch of people are playing.
Me, you, and Jake are playing on Thursday, Rivalry Week. Okay.
Let's go. Rivalry Week.
All right. So, yeah, that's our show.
Love you guys. Billy, do you have any fun facts? Oh, but it's cool.
Thank you, Mr. Commenter.
The 2020 U.S. Open is in the books, and let's just say it was a huge few days for the course.
143 of the 144 players in the field failed to shoot under par at winged foot, and only 29 players shot 10 over or better. Quick reminder that, quote, I root for the course, end quote.
Hats are available exclusively on stored at barstool sports.com right now.

Bryson DeChambeau, Hank Bleep, that name out emerged victorious to win his first ever major.

However, many are questioning the validity of this win as two-time U.S. Open champion Brooks Koepka did not participate due to injury.

Get well soon, Blake. That's your PMT PGA Sunday Night Update.
We will see you all on Wednesday. We'll see you next time.
Thank you. Take me on me.
It's Pardon My Take presented by Barstool Sports.