NFL Week 2 Recap, Fastest 2 Minutes & NBA Playoffs

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Speaker 1 On today's part of my take, we have NFL week two. I almost said three.
My brain is melting. Don't do that.
Don't skip ahead.

Speaker 1 It was an incredible, incredible Sunday, incredible weekend of football, incredible weekend of sports. Sports are so back.
Holy shit. It was wall to wall.
We're going to talk about all of it.

Speaker 1 We are actually in Philadelphia right now for the new Barstool Sportsbook app. So we do not have Dion on this week.

Speaker 1 When we're in Philadelphia, we won't be getting him on, but we'll have him back on next week.

Speaker 1 So we have everything. Fastest two minutes, recap of every game, who's back of the week, football guy of the week.
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Speaker 1 Okay,

Speaker 1 let's go.

Speaker 1 Now, in the streets, there is violence.

Speaker 1 And then I love the sound of work to be done.

Speaker 1 Look at the hanger, love washing.

Speaker 1 And then I can't blame all on the sun.

Speaker 1 Oh, no, we're gonna rock down to electric avenue.

Speaker 1 And then we'll take it higher.

Speaker 1 Oh, we're gonna rock down to electric avenue. It's part of my tape presented by Barstool Sports.

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Use code Barstool to get $10 for free, $10 to the ASPCA. Today is Monday, September 21st,

Speaker 1 week

Speaker 1 two.

Speaker 1 There's some scores in this house. There's some scores in this house.

Speaker 1 We start in Dallas where Big D stands for Big Demeanor.

Speaker 1 The Falcons want to gag, want to choke, as the Dirty Birds did their best to crash and burn in the fourth quarter and can't Calvin rid Lee themselves from the curse of Arthur Blank.

Speaker 1 Jerry Jones said, When I ride this Dak, I'm going to spell my name on his paychecks as Prescott led the boys back for an unbelievable win.

Speaker 1 And the Falcons season is now riding dirty in a Hayden hearse. That's right, they're dead, Tege.
Cowboys 40, Falcons 39.

Speaker 1 There's some scores in this house. There's some scores in this house.
WAP!

Speaker 1 Up in Indy, where Jonathan Taylor Thomas laid the hammer

Speaker 1 on the Vikings' defense and Kirk Cousins number eight my ass. He's a bottom feeder.
Minnesota said, if I don't hang, then he can't bang. You can't hurt my feelings, but I like pain.

Speaker 1 And the Vikings were gluttons for punishment on Sunday. The deforestation of the Amazon Buckner had a few strip sacks, Brazilian waxes, that is.

Speaker 1 And Jim Russet closed the ceiling on Minnesota's season. Colts 25, Vikings, love it.
There's some scores in this house. There's some scores in this house.

Speaker 1 In Chicago where giant Khalil Mack truck got all up in Daniel Jones garage, orange-haired Jason Garrett's head game was fire making it clap on the sidelines, but not much else.

Speaker 1 The Bears offense said to Joe Judge, Your Honor, I'm a freak Mitch. Handcuffs, leashes, spank the Giants defense.
Hold on, is that a dog? Massey? What's wrong, Massey?

Speaker 1 You just caught a ball on third down to steal the win and the Giants season is stuck in a well?

Speaker 1 The Bears are no longer the door. Matt Nagy of the NFC North winning 17-13.
There's some scores in this house. There's some scores in this house.

Speaker 1 We head south to Tampa Bay where Tom Brady is a certified freak seven days a week. And the Bucs are making that pullout game weak because reports of Tom Terrific's demise came way too quick.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, you bucket with some wet-ass pussy. Leonard Nimoy Fournette made the live long and prosper sign and put two in the pink and two in the the stinky end zone.

Speaker 1 Bruce Springsteen Aries will have the media back on his side this week as the offense looks born to run. Buck 31, Panthers 70.

Speaker 1 There's some scores in this house. There's some scores in this house.

Speaker 1 In the frozen tundra where the cheese heads are stirring up things in the NFC like macaroni in a pot, Aaron thee stallion Jones said the Lions pussy defense is wild. Come let me run a dive.

Speaker 1 Balling out for 168 yards and two touchdowns. Matt Patricia Arquette is officially flirting with disaster as his head coaching career may not make it out of boyhood.
Packers 42, Lions 21.

Speaker 1 There's some scores in this house. There's some scores in this house.

Speaker 1 In Nashville where Mike Vrable is not afraid to let her hop on top to a kegel while he's inside and break it off for a chance in a Super Bowl.

Speaker 1 Gardner, two and a half, Minshew has that tiger blood coursing through his veins, leading the Jaguars to a second half comeback, only to see it go up and smoke with a late game pick by Harold and Kumar Landry.

Speaker 1 The Titans are Goskowskiing into first place. 33-30.
Does some scores in this house? Does some scores in this house to the city of brotherly love where Sean McBay said, I need a henny drinker.

Speaker 1 I need a weed smoker. But sorry, Rams and Eagles fans.
Chris Long isn't walking through that door.

Speaker 1 Daryl Holland Oates Henderson had the Eagles defense out of touch, man-eating his way to 81 yards and a touchdown. Johnny Carson Wentz used to look good in prime time, but now he's dead.

Speaker 1 Too soon, boom. Rams stay rolling.
37-19.

Speaker 1 There's some scores in this house. There's some scores in this house.

Speaker 1 Staying in Pennsylvania where TJ WAP put that pussy on Drew Lockdown as the Broncos tried to win by grinding on that Vic Fangio defense.

Speaker 1 The motorcycle badman Ben but don't break Rocklessberger kept his foot on the gas as the Steelers don't have a LeGarrett Blunt in their backfield anymore, but they do have a LeBron James Conner Jr.

Speaker 1 to smoke the opposing defenses. Steelers 26.

Speaker 1 The Broncos 21. There's some scores in this house.
There's some scores in this house. Out to LA where Mahomes may love ketchup, but Andy Reid likes the pussy with A1, just like Pat's credit.

Speaker 1 Bolton Spicy Boom. Justin Timberlake Herbert got dressed up after suit and Tyrod Taylor was ruled out.
Milf Hunter Henry tried to take it to the housewife, but it was Harrison.

Speaker 1 You could put it in my buttker who ended up splitting the uprights and winning the game 23-20.

Speaker 1 That's some skulls in this house. There's some skulls in this house.

Speaker 1 And we finish in Houston, where JJ Wopps and Deshaun Wopson were no match for opera singer Justin Tucker, who had the dangly thing in the back of his throat wiggling around all afternoon.

Speaker 1 Ingram the second, baby Mark, do, do, do, do, do, do. Tuck the Titans in and put them to bed with a fourth quarter scamper.

Speaker 1 People are starting to wonder if Bill O'Brien Cranson is getting high on his own supply after trading DeAndre Wopkins and losing to the Cardi B Altimore Ravens to go to 0-2.

Speaker 1 The Ravens 33, the Texans 16.

Speaker 1 All right, and week two is in the books. We still actually have the Raiders opening their new stadium.
The big, what is it called? The Big Roomba. No, the Big Roomba.
It looks like a Roomba.

Speaker 1 It's a big Roomba. A Roomba from hell.
It does look sweet out in a little bit. It does.
In the middle of the desert. Drew Brees will probably break 16 new records on Monday night.

Speaker 1 But week two in the books, unbelievable. This last week we were back, but this week is when it was like, holy shit, chaos everywhere, some insane endings, and the beginning of new narratives.

Speaker 1 You never know what the narratives are going to be after week one. Now we are starting to get clued in, and we have some takes.
Okay, so we'll have some new narrative alerts.

Speaker 1 We, uh, by the way, we have, so we're in Philadelphia right now, new Barstool Sportsbook app. If you didn't see,

Speaker 1 we invented a new bet called the Hanson, which was just betting the over of all the points scored on Sunday. It won, it crushed.
So we're in Philly. That's why we don't have Dion on this week.

Speaker 1 When we're in Philly, we're not going to have Dion on because it's hard to Skype and do all that. We'll have him on next week, but we will be recapping every game.

Speaker 1 And of course, we're going to start with the Sunday night game, which was a classic.

Speaker 1 Patriots lose to the Seahawks 35-30.

Speaker 1 So, Hank, you walked upstairs

Speaker 1 because you were watching downstairs on a live stream, and you were like, I'm not so upset about that loss because we were in that game, and losing to Russell Wilson at home is not like something that you can be ashamed of.

Speaker 1 We were also down two scores

Speaker 1 in the fourth quarter. It didn't really seem like it wasn't a game that they blew.
They came back, they fought. Russell Wilson's unbelievable.
Cam Newton played well.

Speaker 1 Patriots defense is banged up and like half their players opted out. They didn't play well.
But I thought the game was good. I thought

Speaker 1 the Patriots were very promising. It was a very, very promising game.
I would watch these two teams play every single week. Yes.

Speaker 1 Just the matchup in general, just like the names that you have on either side in the game, like delivered on all that hype. It was an awesome game.
And yeah, Cam Newton looks good. He looks healthy.

Speaker 1 Well, but he also looks,

Speaker 1 he threw the ball. He had to throw the ball.
Like, you know, week one, he ran it 15 times this, and everyone was saying, well, what happens if they're down?

Speaker 1 He kind of answered that question. Julian Edelman certified deep threat.
Yeah. Still gets open.

Speaker 1 Julian Edelman was exhausted at the end of the whole game.

Speaker 1 Just like picking himself up off the ground he looked like he was ready to puke on the field yeah but yeah he played really well is cam newton too healthy might be the question you might want to ask yourself because everyone knew what was coming on that last play right you knew that cam was going to run it and uh they were able to stop it and get into the backfield on it cam newton if he maybe has like a little he has absolutely no hesitation running the ball or passing it the shoulder looks really really good right now they should have run the t-bow they should have also just run it straight ahead I don't know, like, you know, running it to the side like that with that little delay.

Speaker 1 I know it worked a few times, but like PFT said, everyone in the world knew that was coming. And,

Speaker 1 I mean, yeah, I guess I see what you're saying. Like, you could losing Russell Wilson's fucking insane.
He's insane.

Speaker 1 Five touchdowns, and he does, we said it last week, but the prettiest ball in all sports is when Russell Wilson throws the like drop in the bucket touchdown, and he had a couple of them tonight. Deep

Speaker 1 DK, and then the other one to the pylon, which was like insane footwork. Like,

Speaker 1 he's playing on a different level right now. Um, and the Seahawks have, I'm convinced they have four Locketts.
Lockett is everywhere on this.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but no, but Lockett in particular, like, he's everywhere.

Speaker 1 They have to have multiple of them. Jamal Adams is also everywhere, too.

Speaker 1 Jamal Adams is insane, and we also have to, we can't just not mention the fact that Bill Belichick tasked Ernie Adams all week with cutting up a new mask for him. He looked like Birdman.

Speaker 1 He was insane.

Speaker 1 He looked like the Penguin. He had had a beard.

Speaker 1 Is the penguin the new guy in the new Batman? Yes. Or the Riddler.
Ooh, what just happened? It's a ghost. We have a ghost in the room.
Are we okay? Yeah. What's going on? I'll just turn my volume up.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 He looked like the penguin. Unbelievable.
He looked like when I wear that stupid high-altitude mask and convince myself if I sit on my couch and play video games in high altitude, I'll lose weight.

Speaker 1 Yeah. That was him.

Speaker 1 But it was tiny, though. It was like really small.
It was like Russell Wilson's if he were a G-string. It covered up barely like the spot between his nostrils and the top of his upper lip.
Yes.

Speaker 1 So, yeah, Belichick looked awesome. Steve Belichick looked great on the sidelines.
That mullet is flowing. Great hair.
Absolutely great hair. Great game.
Just great game.

Speaker 1 So, Ken Norton, he's the defensive coordinator for the Seahawks, right?

Speaker 1 Big-time football guy. He had his fingers taped up.
Yeah. Like he was going to go out there and play defensive line.
I like it. Very intimidating.
It's like Harbaugh wearing his cleats.

Speaker 1 Yes, I absolutely love that.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 it was a great game. There's nothing better.

Speaker 1 It's just, I don't know.

Speaker 1 You can't plan it because it's obviously random and it's the world's greatest you know reality shows sports but there's something about a great sunday night football game that just puts a beautiful cherry on top of sunday like when you have a shitty clunker for sunday night you go to bed and you're kind of like okay well it was fun moments but a instant classic sunday night just has you buzzing in your head yeah after and you're just like fuck that was awesome because i can't wait for next sunday it makes you feel like you definitely didn't waste your day by sitting on the couch all day watching NFL football.

Speaker 1 You know what?

Speaker 1 It's never a waste to sit on your couch, obviously, watching NFL football.

Speaker 1 But I did have a realization this morning because, like I said, we are in Philly, so I was walking around today trying to get trying to suck in as much fresh air knowing that I was not going to get off the couch for 14 hours.

Speaker 1 I think the two hours before kickoff,

Speaker 1 they're not better than the football, but they're pretty damn good. You haven't lost that.

Speaker 1 When you have that boys, and you also, when you, there's something about walking around before an NFL Sunday, seeing like people in their jerseys or their sweatshirts and giving that nod, like, yo, it's on.

Speaker 1 It's pre-football. It's about to fucking get pre-football Sunday.
It's about to do this shit. It's more potent than the actual football summer.
It's incredible.

Speaker 1 It's just, there's something about it that I just, we need to come up with a phrase for it because it's those, it's those like three.

Speaker 1 I wake up early on Sunday just so I can have as much pre-football as possible. It's pre-fung.
That's what it is. That's everything is coming.
It's pre-fun. Yes.

Speaker 1 And the second cousin of that would be when you go out to like Las Vegas and you walk through the casino on a Saturday and all the dealers are already wearing their NFL jerseys on a Saturday. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Just reminding you, hey,

Speaker 1 it's football time, baby. It is football time.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Next game. We have Packers at Lions.

Speaker 1 I want to say this as respectfully as possible.

Speaker 1 I think Matt Patricia is eating his losses.

Speaker 1 He looks large, and those losses are piling up because they've lost now 11 in a row. The Lions have lost 11 games in a row.
They've also lost. Why are you looking at me like that, Hank?

Speaker 1 They've lost four straight losses, four straight losses where they've had double-digit leads. Well,

Speaker 1 let's give credit where credit's due. Matt Patricia is also the architect of that interception in the Super Bowl from the two-yard line.
Correct. Put some respect on his name, big cat.
Correct.

Speaker 1 So they've had four straight losses, 11. I'm sorry, Lions fans,

Speaker 1 sorry, 11 straight losses, four straight losses where they've had a double-digit lead. Week one, they're up 23-6.
They lose 27-23. Week two, they're up 14-3 on the Packers.
They lose 42-21.

Speaker 1 This is the guy who they hired for Jim Caldwell after firing Jim Caldwell a 9-7 season,

Speaker 1 which, again, I'm sorry, Lions fans, but there is a level of

Speaker 1 you have to know what you are.

Speaker 1 I mean, it's similar. I can speak about it because

Speaker 1 when the Bears fired Lovey Smith for Mark Tressman, it was like, wait, why? Right. Because what are we doing?

Speaker 1 Matt Patricia, though, he's doing the Brett Bielima where the losses pile up and the losses equal cheeseburgers and the cheeseburgers pile up and then they go to your belly.

Speaker 1 He was certainly getting into layer season a little bit early. He was all seven layer dip on Matt Patricia's body.

Speaker 1 He looked like, you know, the kid in the Christmas story where they just bundle him up in every single warm winter piece of clothing that they have, and he can't really walk anymore.

Speaker 1 Matt Patricia is getting less cold.

Speaker 1 It's not, it's not, but he's layering up. He's just,

Speaker 1 it's,

Speaker 1 and this is also, I think, if you could script like the perfect head coaching resume, never be a guru on either side. Like, be

Speaker 1 John Harbaugh, be the special teams coach, be the quality controls coach, because then people can't, like, you can control special teams. You could have great special teams by finding the right guys.

Speaker 1 Matt Patricia, his defense fucking stinks, and he's a defensive guru.

Speaker 1 So I don't know what, like, I feel bad for the guy because I think it's over here, but man, the Lions got absolutely gashed, like gashed on the run, and Aaron Jones was all over the place.

Speaker 1 Aaron Rodgers, the fuck U-Tour is happening this year. I've come to accept it, and I'm very, very scared.
But they were just running all over him.

Speaker 1 It's always weird to see the Packers with a competent run game. It always looks like a glitch because we haven't really seen that from them really in the last 15 years.

Speaker 1 But they do need to figure out how to keep Aaron Rodgers pissed off for an entire season.

Speaker 1 They have to have a strategy because right now they're toasting off their masterclass of drafting Jordan Love. Jordan Love's going to start dating Danica Pratt.
So they need to set him up.

Speaker 1 They need to absolutely get under skin somehow like that or just like hire a bully to hang out next to Aaron. Bring Brett Favre back in.

Speaker 1 Make his brother who he doesn't speak to offensive coordinator. Yeah,

Speaker 1 quarterback coach. Anything to get a rise out of him.
Just smash all the crystals that Danica left behind.

Speaker 1 You need to keep him pissed off over the course of the season because Aaron Rodgers, he does play better when he has that chip on his shoulder.

Speaker 1 It wasn't even him today, though.

Speaker 1 He was good, but

Speaker 1 the Packers ran for $259. The running game is sick.
And again, it looks weird when the Packers are running the ball so very well. But the Lions are just...

Speaker 1 I'm sorry, Lions fans. This is...

Speaker 1 And you have to restart all over again. Everything's got to be washed away.
I don't even... Like, what do you even do with Matt Stafford?

Speaker 1 Do you just say, hey, Matt, like, sorry, man, like, never really worked out. Yeah, you should have retired five years ago.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 Maybe just go away. Yeah, you can't restart with him.
You can't bring in like a new retired. And he's a guy like Matt Stafford.

Speaker 1 I think I'm the one who's on the hook of calling him as a Hall of Fame, future Hall of Fame quarterback just based off his ridiculous stats. Yeah.
No, he's absolutely going to be in the Hall of Fame.

Speaker 1 But yeah,

Speaker 1 his future. Like, Matt Patricia, let's get real.
He's probably not going to win more than five or six games this year. And there's no chance.

Speaker 1 That might be too much. There's no chance.
That might be too much. They do play the Vikings twice, but listen,

Speaker 1 so they got Cardinals and Saints in the next two weeks.

Speaker 1 Does he survive that? Does he survive to week five? Because then they start 0-4.

Speaker 1 That might be tough.

Speaker 1 Is it in New Orleans?

Speaker 1 It is not in New Orleans. And then they play the Falcons in weeks

Speaker 1 five, which will be hilarious. Week six.

Speaker 1 Don't they notoriously not fire coaches? No, they'll fire. I mean, he'll be fired.

Speaker 1 Just in this case, it's shocking that they haven't. They're going to fire herself.
Yeah, it's shocking that they haven't fired Matt Butcher yet.

Speaker 1 The Falcons Lions game in week six is going to be hilarious. Like, who you almost, it's like Mario Kart.
You don't want to lead. Yeah.
Because whoever's behind is definitely going to win. No, I think.

Speaker 1 At all times. I just play hot potatoes.
I think 60 minutes. The Falcons are.
I would put the house on the Falcons in that game. Yeah, but then the Falcons will get to the Florida.
They can Falcons.

Speaker 1 All right, so that was that game. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Just, Matt Patricia, like, you don't have to eat your losses. That's all I'm going to say.
Respectfully, respectfully. All right, Titans, Jaguars.

Speaker 1 Gardner Minshew is our friend. My two biggest takeaways was Gardner Minshew,

Speaker 1 maybe he's just going to be the guy who we always say he's playing for a job, but he's always good enough to have the job because he's good enough to have the job, but he's all of his, like, he's the line is he's playing for his job.

Speaker 1 And then Ryan Tannehill.

Speaker 1 So is Ryan Tannehill officially just good? Ryan Tannehill took the next step when nobody was watching. Yeah, he is very good.
Ryan Tannehill. Shockingly.

Speaker 1 There's no one that I think I've been wronger about in the last five years than Ryan Tannell. No, no, you don't.
We were all wrong about Ryan Tannehill because he's...

Speaker 1 I don't think you counted it as wrong. No, you want to be aware of that.
When he was right for so long. Right.
We were all right for so long.

Speaker 1 He just finally, we made so many jokes about taking the next step. He finally was like, fuck it.
You guys want to keep making fun of me for taking the next step? I'm going to take the next step.

Speaker 1 He went ahead and he did it. I don't know if it's just that Titans offense or he likes the Aaron Tennessee better.
Whatever it is,

Speaker 1 Ryan Tannehill is just like a top 10 quarterback right now.

Speaker 1 So starts the season.

Speaker 1 He's 44 out of 60, 460 yards, six touchdowns, zero interceptions. And also, Ryan Tannehill, I don't know what it is specifically, but he throws a really tall ball.

Speaker 1 I feel like all his passes are always high up. You know what? He's got good shoulder height.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I feel like if you measure just from the cleats to the shoulders, his shoulders are that of like a six foot eight person.

Speaker 1 Doesn't it feel like every time they go to red zone, it's Ryan Tannehill like in the red zone running a play action where then he throws a perfectly placed tall ball to a really tall guy.

Speaker 1 He's got a lot of tall guys for sure. And I mean, it helps a lot having Derrick Henry.
Yes. I think that's which we're not even in Tractor Cito season.
Derrick Henry's not even going yet.

Speaker 1 He's not. He will get going later, but he's not going yet.
And Vrabel, I guess, trusts his kickers now. Well, Gostowski is now the Bizarro World Vinatier.

Speaker 1 So Gostowski missed another extra point today and then hit a

Speaker 1 51-yarder to go into halftime and a 49-yarder to win it. So he misses.
Wait, no, Vinatari missed all of them. Never mind.
Yeah, last year. Vinitieri missed all of them.

Speaker 1 Vinatari was just bad last year. Yeah, he was just bad

Speaker 1 round. Gostkowski is a future Hall of Famer, like Adam Vinatieri.
Yes, he Gostowski is essentially like a three-pointer who can't shoot free throws. Yes.

Speaker 1 He's a three-point specialist who can't shoot free throws at this point. Yeah, I mean, he's very good for long distance.
And in general, this week proved that kickers are back. Yes.

Speaker 1 This is a big rebound week for kickers. Did anyone? I feel like we didn't miss.
There was maybe like

Speaker 1 Nick Folk had a bad miss, I think. Okay, well, that makes sense.
Yeah. He's been in the league for like 30 years.

Speaker 1 Either way, credit to the Titans and Jaguars for playing a fun game. Didn't see that one come.
Yeah, I mean, I'm always shocked when I see the Titans score more than 30 points. Yes.

Speaker 1 For some reason, like Titans, to me, I think it's their colors. They just scream like 19 to 13.
Well, it's also, what was his name a few years ago?

Speaker 1 What was the football that he decided to install? Fuck. My brain.
Oh, it was Mike Malarkey doing exotic Smash Black. Exotic Smash Back.

Speaker 1 Yeah, which meant that they're going to run play action occasionally on third down.

Speaker 1 We're going to run the ball, but we're going to make it look sexy. Yeah.
All right. Next up, Bears, Giants.

Speaker 1 I mean, the Bears Bears are 2-0. That's all I'll say.
The Bears are 2-0. It hasn't been pretty.

Speaker 1 We had the two different worlds of Mitch today. We had good Mitch in the first half and then bad Mitch in the second half.

Speaker 1 I think he only had like 30 yards in the second half. It was perfect Mitch weather, though.
It was perfect.

Speaker 1 It was 26 degrees. Yes.
Which, as we've heard, is that's where he has the highest quarterback rate. Because he had that one game against the Bucs.
But Mitch, okay,

Speaker 1 say something nice about Mitch. Well, first of all, the Bears are 2-0.
Second,

Speaker 1 it's not always pretty, but it's starting to get there more. So he's throwing ducks, but they're actually going to the right guys.

Speaker 1 So I'm cool with that. Yeah, I saw him throw one pass today that looked like

Speaker 1 it was kicked off. He was like spiraling in the back.
It was like an on-side kick. Yeah, I was going in over his pass there, and it got caught.
Right.

Speaker 1 So, yeah, and we're not getting any screenshot mitches where we're like, oh, he should have thrown to this guy or like any of the any of the passes that are thrown, you know, more than five yards either overthrown or underthrown.

Speaker 1 We didn't have have any of those. Maybe this is the key to Mitch.
Maybe he's like a great knuckleball pitcher. Yeah.
Where the defenses can't catch up with whatever he's throwing.

Speaker 1 Do you think he's missing some ligaments like R.A. Dickey in his hand? It's, I mean, again, it doesn't look pretty.
It's not going to make NFL films. Right.

Speaker 1 You know, when they do the spiral that's going over, and you can see the top level of the stadium and the cool soundtrack hits. It's not that, but it got there in the first half.

Speaker 1 And credit to Matt Nagy. I have been a very vocal

Speaker 1 hater of Matt Nagy, especially last year, but he is starting to figure out the formula of run, run, run, play defense because the Bears committed to the run and they ran the ball a lot and it got fucking hairy, but they're 2-0.

Speaker 1 And yes, you could tell me, look, I'm a realist. 2-0 is 2-0, but I also understand 2-0 is probably against

Speaker 1 two of the bottom five teams in the NFL between the Giants and Lions. I understand that.
So I'm not going to go around parading myself, but I'd rather be 2-0 than 0-2.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you're in the Capird seat right now. With the Giants, I think we can officially say that Daniel Jones is not Eli Manning.

Speaker 1 And so there was, all last season, there was like this little, I want to believe that Daniel Jones is a good quarterback.

Speaker 1 One, because he got that sweet win against Tampa Bay that we all bet on and won money off of him. And then second, everything that he does just looks exactly like Eli Manning version 2.0.

Speaker 1 I think we've seen enough to know that he is not Eli Manning. You don't like him? No, I don't like Eli Man Manning.
Oh, I like Daniel Jones. And he's not as fun as Eli Manning.
I like him.

Speaker 1 Okay, maybe I'm just incepted by the Giants fans in the office, but he has no talent around him. I mean, Saquon got hurt.
Sterling Shepard got hurt.

Speaker 1 He's probably going to be one of those guys who in year 10, you're going to be saying, if Daniel Jones can just

Speaker 1 limit the turnovers, he'll be great. But I think I like him.
Like, I actually think he's a good quarterback. I think there's a good quarterback in there.

Speaker 1 It's just going to, you have to figure out a way for him to stop fumbling all the time and throwing throwing stupid interceptions. But

Speaker 1 given what he has around him, like if you put him on a talented team,

Speaker 1 you can go far with him. I really think that.
I don't think so. Oh, I think that.
I like Herbert better than I like Daniel Jones already. I think Herbert is a better player.
I mean,

Speaker 1 you saw Herbert play one game where the defense didn't plan for him.

Speaker 1 That's why I liked Daniel Jones last year when he played against the Bucs, a defense that wasn't really planned for him.

Speaker 1 But the Bears have a good defense, and Daniel Jones, I mean, he kept him kind of in it. He had no one.
He literally has no one. I mean, Herbert had guys throw to.
Herbert has actually got a talent.

Speaker 1 He's got a great offense. He has a lot of talent around him.
Daniel Jones has no one around him at this point.

Speaker 1 I haven't seen anything from Daniel Jones that makes me be like, oh, that guy's good. Besides, like, he looks good when he's walking into the locker room.
But that could be good.

Speaker 1 What about Monday night? That 19-play drive that he had, of course, the interception was horrendous, but that was an awesome drive against a really good Steelers defense. One drive.
Yeah. But I mean,

Speaker 1 that's one of the best defenses in the league. I don't know.

Speaker 1 I think Daniel Jones.

Speaker 1 I think Daniel Jones does not, he has no one around him.

Speaker 1 I'm not saying he's incredible, but I absolutely think if you're a Giants fan, he's he, all right, Daniel Jones is a guy who you will, you will give him his fifth-year option.

Speaker 1 I think it's too early to say that. I would.
I mean, I think he will be that guy. Like, I don't think he's going to be a guy after four years.
You're going to be like, go ahead, get out of here.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, the Giants won't because the Giants, they're rivals. No, but I don't think most teams.
I don't think most teams. I like Daniel Jones.
I do.

Speaker 1 All right. So that, yeah, I mean,

Speaker 1 the Bears play the Falcons next week. We'll see what happens there.
But good mitch, bad mitch, whatever. 2-0, 2-0.
Speaking of the Falcons, let's talk about that game. So

Speaker 1 this was a doozy. This was a doozy because there's, so one team started the game, three and out, fumble, fumble, failed, fake, punt, fumble, and that team won the game.

Speaker 1 The Falcons, this is the most Falcons stat of all time, and I really do feel bad because Falcons fans, I don't even know how you can just like do you even Falcons fans, I would assume, just wake up tomorrow and they just sigh, and then the Charlie Brown, like the sad trombone, the boom, boom, boom, boom,

Speaker 1 they just have just follows them around all day. They have miserable falls.
It's like a little autumn is a bad season for them. If you're a Falcons fan, you should get like a

Speaker 1 vest that you can wear to work on Monday. Like when you see a service dog, it says do not pet.
Like one that says Falcons fan, do not approach, do not make small talk with breaking news

Speaker 1 giants uh saquan barkley just deleted every giants post from his instagram what this league what is he blaming the giants for getting hurt

Speaker 1 the giants are a mess they're terrible and they're a mess and this is gonna go bad for joe judge very quickly because you can't be the hard ass coach and have things be a mess bad weekend

Speaker 1 he didn't just delete giants pictures he deleted everything except for one picture okay new maybe it's like our other pictures including giants pictures including giants okay so so the headline stands Yeah.

Speaker 1 He deleted everything that had anything to do with the New York Giants from his Instagram. Yes.
All right. So back to the Falcons Cowboys game, which was insane.

Speaker 1 Probably game of the day in terms of entertainment. So here's the stat.
This is Falcons fans trigger warning. The Falcons had 39 points and zero turnovers.
Teams are

Speaker 1 440 and zero with 39 points and zero turnovers. And that's since 1933, which goes all the way back to when they started tracking turnovers.
So sad.

Speaker 1 In the history of football, they didn't track turnovers before 1933. So from 1933 until today, team to score at least 39 points and have zero turnovers.

Speaker 1 440 times they won the game, zero times they lost, and the Atlanta Falcons are now the singular loser in that scenario. Congratulations.

Speaker 1 I mean, it's a very Falcon stat, and the way that they lost this game, you're right, they did everything perfectly.

Speaker 1 Like, they did a lot of stuff really well, but the stuff that they screwed up on was the weirdest part of the game. So they screwed up on that.

Speaker 1 There was like a 50-yard touchdown pass to Julio Jones from

Speaker 1 a wide receiver, Russell Gates, who threw a dime

Speaker 1 and Julio dropped it. And then the on-sides kick.

Speaker 1 And when they put the ball down, Bubba asked me, he's like, have you ever seen an on-side kick get recovered when they do the thing where they kick it from its side? I was like, no, it never happens.

Speaker 1 Never. It never happens.
And it just kind of trickled forward, trickled forward. It was like a snake charmer.
Everyone was just standing around it, like, what do we do?

Speaker 1 It looked like the field was going downhill. It was crazy.
It was crazy, crazy, crazy.

Speaker 1 That must have really fucked with Skip Bayless, knowing that there were like these weird kicks that just happened to bounce the Cowboys' way, not only on that on-side kick, but then on the field goal that was hit to win the game.

Speaker 1 It was a classic Mason crossbar that started to the left, and then a mysterious gust or a Chris Christie fart or whatever blew it back dead center.

Speaker 1 So, Skip Bayless, the stadium giveth and it taketh away. 29 to 10 and a half, up 15 with five minutes left.
The Falcons have found a new low.

Speaker 1 Like that is just absolutely incredible that they lost this game and found a way to lose this game when the Cowboys couldn't stop shit. Like the Cowboys' defense is a dumpster fire.

Speaker 1 Their offensive lines hurt. Dak was incredible in the second half.

Speaker 1 But holy shit, man. Like, how do you lose that game? How does Dan Quinn have a job? And you know what really pisses me off?

Speaker 1 Is so I wanted the Cowboys to win because I had the can't lose parlay, but I also wanted the Cowboys to lose because I really wanted to do a rant about how Mike McCarthy.

Speaker 1 People forget Mike McCarthy spent an entire offseason telling everyone that he got a subscription to Pro Football Focus, and then in his introductory press conference, was like, just kidding, I'm lying about all that.

Speaker 1 I just want another job. I don't do stats.
I can't change anything about how dumb I am. I'm going to show you how little I do stats.
I'm going to to run this fake punt on my own 20-yard line.

Speaker 1 This whole week had a lot of really shitty fake punts, not only in terms of circumstance, when they're running it, but also like the designs of the fake punts.

Speaker 1 It was a lot of just snap it to the up back and have him fall forward and try not to kill himself. Yes.

Speaker 1 That was basically what he did. And also, McCarthy, a lot of people, they lose their jobs.
They need to reinvent themselves in their next career.

Speaker 1 And a big part of that process is they take some time to exercise, get in shape. Nope.
Mike McCarthy got fatter.

Speaker 1 That's his Wisconsin revenge body that he's got going on.

Speaker 1 So you robbed me of that, Mike McCarthy, the fact that the Cowboys are now one and one in an NFC East that looks like

Speaker 1 I feel like this has happened in the last few years. We say this every year, but the NFC East, I think you might be able to win it with seven games.

Speaker 1 Washington football team still tied up with the game. Seven wins, Mike General.
And you know NFC East?

Speaker 1 That's what really pissed me off is because I did not think that Washington was necessarily going to win against the Cardinals today, but I just wanted that moment where I would know that no matter how badly we lost to the Cardinals, we were still going to be in sole possession of first place.

Speaker 1 Now we're tied with the Cowboys.

Speaker 1 I guess that's okay, but we talked about this game going into the weekend. This was going to be the battle of which team is the Cowboys and which team is the Falcons because they're so similar.

Speaker 1 It turns out that the Falcons were still the Falcons. The Falcons

Speaker 1 asserted their Falcons dominance on this game. Yes,

Speaker 1 they planted their flag into that, into the Michael Vick

Speaker 1 Deion Sanders-style style black helmet and said, We are the Falcons. They are just

Speaker 1 stats since 1933. Yeah.
They're the first team to do this. It's insane how they find ways to lose.
The Falcons are the Falcons.

Speaker 1 And the Cowboys are going to be hilarious this year because the Cowboys, I love this version of the Cowboys.

Speaker 1 I love my Cowboys to be just flashy enough that everyone buys into it, including myself, but so many holes that they're just going to have terrible primetime loss after terrible primetime loss.

Speaker 1 Like, that is, that is, Jerry Jones wants to think his legacy is the 90s. No, Jerry Jones, this is your legacy.

Speaker 1 Your legacy is your Cowboys just have enough sizzle to just get everyone in love with the team and being like, Lou, the Cowboys are back, only to fall flat on your face whenever you have a big-time game.

Speaker 1 I think Jerry Jones wants to pay Dak money. I think he wants to pay him all the money in the world.
I think he doesn't want to leave a single cent that he doesn't have to to his son.

Speaker 1 I think that Jerry's like for every touchdown pass. Steven's been stealing.

Speaker 1 Steven's been stealing. Yeah, definitely.
He's been siphoning off and

Speaker 1 I feel like Jerry Jones doesn't exactly keep a watchful eye on his bank account. He probably has a bunch of cash just underneath his match.
In the walls. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 When you bulldoze that house, it's just going to be like a cash grab machine.

Speaker 1 But he wants to give as much of his money as possible to Dak Prescott, which is why you saw him like he was flipping out when Dak scored touchdowns today.

Speaker 1 He's like, Yes, this is more money that I don't have to leave to my shithead son after this. And Dak was awesome.
Dak is awesome. Dak should probably be paid.
Pay Dak. We'll see.

Speaker 1 Also, Andy Dalton. We saw Andy Dalton for a play.
That's when the game turned around. And the Andy Dalton came in there.

Speaker 1 He also, I think he called his own play because there's no possible explanation when they were on, I think it was second and goal.

Speaker 1 Dak gets knocked out of the game for a play, and Andy Dalton threw a pass

Speaker 1 or had a pass play called for him, which I can't imagine they were like, yeah,

Speaker 1 let's have a pass play here for Andy Dalton. Yeah, let's give the keys to this offense to Andy Dalton to really unlock things.

Speaker 1 I think Andy probably has got one of those escalators of contracts, right? For his touchdowns. Pass attempts.
I mean, pass attempts. Yeah.
One. Completion.
Yeah, how many incompletions?

Speaker 1 If you can limit it to under two incompletions on the year, then you're golden. One single pass attempt.
Either way, that was an awesome game. Awesome, awesome game.
And the Cowboys, they're not good.

Speaker 1 The Falcons, the Bears have to play the Falcons next week.

Speaker 1 I feel like I fell back in love with the Falcons, even in a loss, with just how good their offense is. They scored so many points.
They're so far away.

Speaker 1 And Julio Jones didn't even have that good of a game. I think he only had like 30 yards.

Speaker 1 Calvin Ridley was awesome. That one should have been a touchdown.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 We got to actually ask

Speaker 1 who's the one A? Who's Manns? Who's the 1A on the Falcons? Who's Batman, who's Robin? Yeah, who's wide receiver one at this point?

Speaker 1 I would say wide receiver one on the Falcons is actually the the one that puts up the more disappointing game. Whoever throws the pass that doesn't get completed on the fake play.

Speaker 1 Do you think that it's different to try to catch a 50-yard bomb from your wide receiver as opposed to catching one from Matt Ryan? Probably. Probably.
Yeah, it's like overthinking it.

Speaker 1 Different spin rate, maybe? Yeah, they're overthinking it. But Dan Quinn, God love you.
I think Dan Quinn actually, if Dan Quinn cries enough, he might be able to keep his job still.

Speaker 1 I don't think that you can fire Dan Quinn after a game like this or like multiple games like this because you look at the scoreboard scoreboard and you're like, well, we scored 39 points.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and we had no turnovers. Yeah, you can't fire.
Which, I mean, that's got to be pretty good stat. Yeah, you can't fire a coach.
He put them in a position to win. Yeah.
All right.

Speaker 1 Next up, we have Colts, Vikings. The Vikings suck.
I would like to say

Speaker 1 I'm going to dun chain the Vikings again after week two. They're totally done.
The Vikings are done. Well, not only are they done, but Kirk Cousins had a very un-Kirk Cousins-like game.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 He was horrendous. He should have thrown two touchdowns in the fourth quarter in garbage time just to make this a true Kirk Cousins game.
But they are stinky. They're stinky trash.

Speaker 1 I'm dunchaining them right now.

Speaker 1 What am I going to do if the Vikings ⁇ if the Vikings win the Super Bowl, I'll get Creed lyrics tattooed on my body. Very

Speaker 1 good. I'm still waiting for my pinky team.
I got to go week three. Week three, I'll come up with a pinky team.
Week two is like, I think that's my annual tradition.

Speaker 1 I'm just going to pencil in the Vikings every single year. Week two,

Speaker 1 they've never won a Super Bowl, but they're bad. They're very bad.

Speaker 1 They had a safety in back-to-back weeks, which is kind of cool because I always like how it throws off the whole score of the game when you get a two-pointer or anything. It fucks everything up, yeah.

Speaker 1 But it's impossible to celebrate a safety in a masculine way because the guys on defense end up doing the safety side. Oh, I think it's all in the hips.

Speaker 1 If you do a little hip wiggle with it, it's kind of sexy. Yeah, well, you really do need to throw the lower body into it because just going like that, that's not cool.

Speaker 1 I actually think that a safety should be worth five points. Two points is not enough for a safety.
It's hard to do.

Speaker 1 It's a change of momentum type play.

Speaker 1 It should be five points, and then you also get the ball.

Speaker 1 So I'm not into five points, but I would like a change in the safety rule where forward progress doesn't count. Because that's the most disappointing thing.

Speaker 1 When a guy runs out of the end zone and barely gets the ball out of the end zone and then gets fucking demolished 10 yards deep into the end zone, that should be a safety.

Speaker 1 I would say that if any part of your body... Throw the ball out of the equation.
If any part of your body gets tackled and lands in the painted part of the end zone, that's a safety. Yes, yes.

Speaker 1 Dan Orlovsky is shuddering right now about this conversation. So the Vikings suck.
Kirk Cousins was horrendous.

Speaker 1 And the Colts, I don't know. The Colts are, I mean, Jonathan Taylor is good.
DeVoris Buckner was an unbelievable trade for them.

Speaker 1 The Colts are back to being dark horse. Colts are good.
Are we going to say they're dark horse again? They could be a dark horse right now.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think that this was a classic game where the Vikings were worse than they looked in week one, and the Colts were better than they would look in week.

Speaker 1 yeah and this also was our official first we had our first first official red zone game that we forgot was happening yeah red zone did not go to this game for a solid hour

Speaker 1 and then it would and then it would flip to it and it was like oh the vikings did something stupid or the Phil Rivers threw uh an incomplete pass Phil Rivers wasn't bad today yeah he was

Speaker 1 his interception wasn't even his fault he did have that hilarious one where they did the one time they gave him red zone shine Phil Rivers threw the ball and it hit the crossbar

Speaker 1 in the red zone. Yeah, I think that was funny.
I don't even think it was a crossbar. It might have been an upright that he doinked it off of.
Yeah, yeah, that was funny. That was very funny.

Speaker 1 It was like he was passing to Antonio Gates again. Yeah, so Colts back.
So narrative alert, Colts back into the dark horse. Yeah.
Because AFC South's wide open. Well, not really.

Speaker 1 The Titans are good, but still, the Colts are back into being a dark horse team. Colts are good.
I think they're officially. They're officially good.

Speaker 1 I'm not ready to say that they're better than the Titans, but I think that they're right up there. And the Vikings and the Lions suck trash.

Speaker 1 Stink trash. All right, before we go to our next game, a quick word from our Give It Up for Chicago.

Speaker 6 Sebastian Maniscalco's new stand-up special, It Ain't Right, is coming to Hulu on November 21st.

Speaker 5 30 years ago, Jeff Bezos, complete nerd. Bezos now ripped to shreds on his super yacht, and the boxes keep coming.

Speaker 6 Sebastian Maniscalco, It Ain't ain't right. Premieres November 21st, streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers.
Terms apply.

Speaker 1 Dolphins 28, Bills 31.

Speaker 1 All you Josh Allen haters out there, suck our fucking dicks. We called it.
This is... This guy is so good.

Speaker 1 Last week he had his first 300-yard game. This week he had his first 400-yard game.
Actually, I forgot to mention that

Speaker 1 going back to the Vikings real quick because it relates to the Bills. The Vikings have the mini DeAndre Hopkins things going on where, why did you trade Stephon Diggs?

Speaker 1 Like, you look so much different as an offense without Stephon Diggs, and the Bills look so much different with Stephon Diggs because it's the perfect receiver for Josh Allen's rocket arm.

Speaker 1 So, all you haters, they're getting silent. They're starting to get a little silent.

Speaker 1 I'm sure some nerd will fucking rank Josh Allen as like the worst quarterback because he threw a pass that was completed for a touchdown, but he threw it kind of a little higher.

Speaker 1 His launch angle was a little funny. It wasn't catchable.
It was a 50% catchable pass, not 100% catchable. But fuck you haters.
Josh Allen's awesome. Here's my stat for Josh Allen today.
He kicks ass.

Speaker 1 He kicked ass and he didn't stop kicking ass. And you want to talk about getting the keys to the offense?

Speaker 1 I think we need to say the Bills have officially turned over their offense to Josh Allen. He was throwing the ball in third down.
He was throwing the ball on second down.

Speaker 1 He's throwing the ball in first down. He's truck sticking people.
Yeah, and a play is never over when Josh Allen is running with the ball.

Speaker 1 And when I mean never over, he will run over like three or four people, and then he'll fumble the ball out of bounds when he gets hit. Like at the end of it.

Speaker 1 The play is not over until the whistle is blown because he's equally parts liable to do something really cool, equally parts liable to try to ladder it to his fullback. Yes.

Speaker 1 So, yeah, Josh Allen was awesome today, and I think that the haters are fuckheads, and they can suck our dicks. Yeah, also Cole.
Suck it. Like, literally, suck it.
I made a note during this game.

Speaker 1 Like, I'm going to write Josh Allen on my dick, and you suck it. Keep sucking it right now.

Speaker 1 I made a note during the game that Cole Beasley always has something fucked up with his uniform after a play. His chin strap usually is fucked up.
The chin strap, the helmet goes sideways.

Speaker 1 He gets like a sock that gets pulled down. He's the kid who has the, when he has a popsicle, he's just wearing it for the rest of the day on his lips.
Yeah, like Kool-Aid lips. Yes,

Speaker 1 Kool-Aid lip kid.

Speaker 1 The Kool-Aid lip kid was a scene. He is the scene.
If you're Kool-Aid lip kid listening right now,

Speaker 1 dude, you deserve the ridicule. Just fucking eat a popsicle and don't make a mess of it.
And I don't know what's going on with his facial hair every single week, but it's different.

Speaker 1 He can grow like an entire full chin strap over the course of five days.

Speaker 1 He's the Steve Belichick of West Welkers. Just like a little janky, but also like when he gets the ball in the open field, he's sick.
Yes, we have Hank Yons, by the way, going on.

Speaker 1 Hank Yons are.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I know, but no, but they could probably

Speaker 1 that loud. I want the people to share.
No, they're that loud that you can hear it. Also, in the Bills Dolphins game, there was a lightning break, but before that.

Speaker 1 People were mad the last time I yawned. Really? Yeah.
But I'll do it if you want me to. Yeah, just do it once.
You don't have to do it the whole time. But there was a lightning break.

Speaker 1 But before the lightning break, they had just lightning interference with the TV signal. So there was a good like 10 minutes of that game that we couldn't watch.

Speaker 1 Anything could have happened during that game. We don't know how

Speaker 1 Josh Allen threw during that time period. We couldn't see it.
God. No interceptions so far for Josh Allen this year.
Yeah, I had a couple fumbles week one, but I don't care.

Speaker 1 The Josh Allen haters can suck our dicks. MVP is awesome.
Josh Allen for MVP. Dude, it's a lot of people.
I keep people talking about it. Honestly, I'll accept an apology from anyone.

Speaker 1 At this point, I don't care because you're missing out. Like, you are missing out on the fun.
So I will, if anyone out there right now who was staunchly, Josh Allen's a bust. Josh Allen sucks.

Speaker 1 Josh Allen isn't good. If you say, if you got a tweet, part of my take, myself and PFT and Josh Allen, and say, I'm sorry, I was wrong.

Speaker 1 Josh Allen is good. Please don't make me suck your dick.
Then you are now in the Josh Allen fan club. I'll consider not letting you suck my dick.
Right. You send that tweet tomorrow.

Speaker 1 And we'll let you enjoy the fun that is Josh Allen because guess what? It's fucking fun. Yeah, we're offering Josh Allen buybacks.
Yes. Like when they do a jersey buyback program? Yes.

Speaker 1 If you had bad Josh Allen takes, you can bring them to us and we will give you a full refund on your shitty draft take. Yes.
And all you have to do is just apologize. Yeah.
It's a gun swap.

Speaker 1 Yeah, exactly. Come on in.
No questions asked. You drop off your gun.
We're not going to say what happened, who you shot, whatever happened. Just give us your gun.
Get that gun off.

Speaker 1 Get the bad Josh Allen takes off the streets. Okay?

Speaker 1 There was the

Speaker 1 ones that was good.

Speaker 1 That sounded like Bronny Jr. hitting a split.

Speaker 1 We'll get to that later.

Speaker 1 We don't want Josh Allen takes to be out there harming any innocent people. Right, exactly.
We can't have that anymore. So come trade it in.
No questions asked.

Speaker 1 Also, Dolphins, just start Tua. Yeah.
Just fucking play Tua, man. Like, Fitzpatrick is...

Speaker 1 He's Fitzpatrick. What are we doing? What are we doing? Every time we see him out there, we're just like, this should be Tua.
And I really, I don't, I want Fitzpatrick.

Speaker 1 Thursday night would be a lot more fun. It would be.
I want Fitzpatrick to stay in the league as long as possible, but I want him as the backup.

Speaker 1 I want him to come in when the starter gets hurt or the starter misses a game, and it's like, Fitzmagic. When

Speaker 1 Fitzpatrick is the day one starter, it doesn't feel the same. It's more just sad.
Yeah, surprise Fitzpatrick is the best. Right.

Speaker 1 When they cut to it in the middle of the red zone and they're like, hey, guess what? We have an injury. Look who's in.
That's right. In his 17th season.

Speaker 1 It's Ryan Fitzpatrick from Harvard. Right.

Speaker 1 And yeah, he's a guy that could hang out for another couple of years.

Speaker 1 I hear he's really good at ping-pong, so he keeps the guys in the locker room.

Speaker 1 Very good at Rubik's Cube. Brian Flores, he might be doing the old, I'm going to hang on to this rookie quarterback for a year.

Speaker 1 So going into next year, you have to give me a full season under Tua, and then he gets good at the second half of the season.

Speaker 1 Then you can't fire him then because, listen, we're gaining some momentum with Tua here. That's three years.
So he's smart. Brian Flores is on a three-year plan right now.
He's no dummy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you're really smart, Brian Flores. That is really smart.
But I want Tua. I want Tua.

Speaker 1 All right. 49ers, Jets.

Speaker 1 So, I guess there's some turf controversy. Did you see this? Yes, yes.
There's some Met Life turf controversy. The turf is sticky.
Apparently, the turf is sticky. We've seen multiple knee injuries.

Speaker 1 We had one week one with the Steelers' offensive lineman, and thank God Big Ben didn't get hurt.

Speaker 1 Well, I would have liked Bigger Than Ben part five. But

Speaker 1 Joey Bosa gets hurt. I think he might be out for the year.
Fucking sucks. Garoppolo got hurt.
Who else got hurt? what's his name solomon thomas got hurt yep oh

Speaker 1 guy drafted right after mitch trubisky the 49ers when they got traded down uh stanford he was he balled out in that holiday bowl against mitch trubisky i remember that jordan reed somehow perfectly healthy no more just stop yelling stop yelling i'd like to make a rule for jordan reed you guys asked for it for the record yeah no pft did i didn't the jordan i said do one also on the record for the record when jordan reed scores his touchdown there needs to be a rule telling all of his teammates do not go up to him and pat him on the head or do headbutts to him.

Speaker 1 Because he scored a touchdown today, which is great to see. He's working on like a Baker's dozen amount of concussions for his career.
Yes.

Speaker 1 And then all of his teammates, one by one, came up and gave him a headbutt afterwards. And it was like watching Teddy Bridgewater take a hit or slide.

Speaker 1 I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, don't do that. But yeah, he survived the turf monster in New York.
In the Fortnite, I have to play there again next week.

Speaker 1 Do you think it's all a cat piss on the field?

Speaker 1 Stop yawning.

Speaker 1 I think it's a cat piss in MetLife because they've got all those strays running around.

Speaker 1 No, so it is new turf. So it's brand new turf.
That's what the controversy is about.

Speaker 1 They installed it this year. And since it's new, that makes the Cats want to piss on it even more.
I mean, this is bad.

Speaker 1 So the 49ers, I wouldn't be shocked if they have to do something because the 49ers sounded like they don't even want to play on the turf.

Speaker 1 The Jets, the Jets, now the Jets are in the running for worst team in the league. I think it's pretty much now.

Speaker 1 I actually wouldn't put the Giants in their running. I think it's the Lions and the Jets, right?

Speaker 1 Who else is in there? I would put the Giants in the running, too. I think the Giants are just frisky enough that they're not.
Like, the Jets gave up a third and 31

Speaker 1 run play. They gave up a run play that converted a third and 31.
It actually went for 55 yards. The Jets, this game looks a lot like, doesn't even look close, 31-16.
Or no, 31-13.

Speaker 1 The Jets scored a touchdown with a minute and a half left to make that 13. So it was really 31-6.

Speaker 1 The Jets are really, really, really, really bad. Yeah, at one point they were down by 21 points.
I think this is late in the third quarter, and Adam Gates kicked a sad field goal of the week.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so that was, I actually wrote that down.

Speaker 1 Down 24-3,

Speaker 1 fourth in goal on the seven, kicked a field goal. That right there tells you that's like the death rattle for a coach.

Speaker 1 That's the Pat Shermer when he's punting for the box score that's a box score move that's not a football winning move that's a I don't I just want to put up a few points so that when I'm going to look for another job I don't I like at least it doesn't fuck up my average too bad so here's how bad Adam Gace is as a head coach I don't think I've ever seen him smile as a head coach He's never, I don't think he's ever been happy as a two-time head coach.

Speaker 1 Even craziest parts. Even two-time.
If they like squeak out a game 13 to 10 against the Dolphins, you never see Adam Gase enjoying his job. I don't think he likes being a head coach.
No.

Speaker 1 I don't think he's good at being a head coach. I don't think that anyone likes seeing Adam Gace coaching their favorite football team.
So it begs the question, like,

Speaker 1 why is Adam Gace doing this to himself? He's got money. Just stop coaching.
You hate it. Pride? I don't know.
No, he definitely doesn't have any pride. He coaches the Jets.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 No, I mean, it's a disaster. It's an absolute disaster.
I want to go back. Jake Marsh, here's a project for you this week.

Speaker 1 I want you to go back and find all the times that Adam Gace was called an offensive genius

Speaker 1 throughout the last 10 years because I just want to laugh at it. Just be like, this is, I bet you it's a lot.
That's how stupid we are in like the media, fans, everything.

Speaker 1 That we've called this guy an offensive genius. It was like after that one game where Peyton Manning threw seven touchdowns.
He was like, this is Adam Gase.

Speaker 1 Do you think that a guy like Adam Gace, I always think about this, like, what would I do if I was in Adam Gase's shoes right now?

Speaker 1 And I think this kind of explains how we get to Adam Gase having his team prepared so poorly.

Speaker 1 If I were in his shoes, I'd be like, I'm kind of just going to give up and hope we get a miracle on Sunday. Like, hope for some reason everyone just bought.
I'm going to call the same plays.

Speaker 1 I know they don't work, but maybe, just maybe they will this time. And that's how you end up with Adam Gates.

Speaker 1 If I were Adam Gase, I would pull a full Tony Sperano and say, let's get weird with the offense.

Speaker 1 All the crazy shit that you've ever ever drawn up and had somebody say, no, that's too dumb, it will never work. Let's run all of those plays.
Let's go Wildcat.

Speaker 1 Have Le'Veon Bell touch the ball every single time. Just have Sam Darnold take off his mask or take off his helmet and try to kiss people.
Yeah, there you go. Try to give him a bar.

Speaker 1 Split Sam Donnell out wide. Have him do the play where you get down on a knee and start barking like a dog.
Hope the defense looks over at you. Yep.
Yep.

Speaker 1 And then just throw the ball to the opposite side of the field. Or

Speaker 1 install sticky turf and then just injure the entire team until they have no impact players left and try to win the game that way.

Speaker 1 That might be exactly what he's doing right now. Huh, interesting.
We're going to say, Hank, you are yawning your face off.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, it's one o'clock in the morning.

Speaker 1 Yawns happen.

Speaker 1 I'd just like to quickly note that we've been in New York for like four years, and they have two major sports teams for every sport, and none of them are ever good.

Speaker 1 That's a fact. Yankees, Islanders.
What, the vision around the playoffs? Islanders made to the Eastern Conference Finals. Devils.
Do the Devils still exist? Yeah, the Devils are still around.

Speaker 1 Just a quick note. You need two teams.

Speaker 1 The Liberty.

Speaker 1 The Liberty. What's their tennis team, Jake?

Speaker 1 They have a tennis team. Didn't they try to make professional tennis? That was the dumbest idea.
The New York Football United States.

Speaker 1 Let's take a really boring sport and then just make it a team and then just hope people will watch it. Just a quick little note.
I just wanted to throw in there. Okay.

Speaker 1 Good note. Good note.
That was a Hank note. All right, next up, Rams, Eagles.
Wait, one more thing with the 49ers Jets game.

Speaker 1 How many times did we need to see the replay of that Mostert touchdown run today?

Speaker 1 That was on the Red Zone channel, I think, nine times. Well, what happens is, so you get

Speaker 1 replay inception. So what happens is they get like one or two big plays that they just run on loop on the Fox.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then on Red Zone, we'll be watching a game and they'll be running the replay on the local. so then we're seeing it on Red Zone, but Red Zone's not running it.

Speaker 1 But it's never happened that many times in a game where we had to see it.

Speaker 1 Like every other game, we jumped in on Red Zone while they were doing a look-in at what happened in the first quarter of the Jets Niners game.

Speaker 1 And then I love when Scott Hanson sees those come up, and he's like, we already saw this play on Red Zone. You fucking assholes.
Disgusted.

Speaker 1 All right, Rams, Eagles. Rams 37, Eagles, 19.

Speaker 1 Eagles might just be bad. And

Speaker 1 no offense, Eagles fans, but Carson Wentz might just be bad.

Speaker 1 And I know he probably did a press conference because Carson Wentz might be the king of press conferences where he says, I got to get better.

Speaker 1 He's always got to get better. He's very good at facing the music.
Yeah, hey, listen, this one's on me. I got to get better.
And then the next week comes out and he's worse. And week one,

Speaker 1 you could kind of understand it because he had no offensive line, and the Redskins have an incredible front forward. Washington football team.

Speaker 1 Sorry, Washington football team. Shit.
This week, they did a pretty good job protecting him. He just misses guys.
Yeah, he just throws.

Speaker 1 We had that game on like the regular, we watched that entire game. He just misses guys and throws interceptions and kind of just isn't good right now.
He's stunk. He's stunk today.

Speaker 1 It's time to push the panic button if you're the Eagles. It's got to be better.
Got to be better. It's got to be better.
And you know what?

Speaker 1 He'll be the first to tell you that it starts with him up front. So you love to see accountability in a leader like that.
If you suck, don't tell everybody that you're good.

Speaker 1 Jalen Hurts.

Speaker 1 Did he ever get in? He did.

Speaker 1 They showed him. They used him as a decoy.
I don't know what kind of decoy they thought they were using. They split him out wide.
Didn't really have him run many routes whatsoever.

Speaker 1 I don't think he ever threw a pass or got, he never took a snap. He just was there.
But he was on the field. He showed up.
He was on the field.

Speaker 1 He was delivering plays out to Carson Wentz during the game. That was such a, I mean, they're just...
And their defense, that's the thing, too. It's like, I don't want to put it all on Carson Wentz.

Speaker 1 Their defense was not good.

Speaker 1 And give credit to the Rams.

Speaker 1 I think the Rams are kind of, we're getting the Rams from two years ago like they got their mojo back Sean McVay's got his mojo back Jared Goff's got his mojo back probably all because of Cooper Cup like I love what I love when it's one guy yeah who like if the straw that serves a drink now I'm obviously being a little facetious but Cooper Cup got hurt last year and their offense kind of fell apart and then he's back this year and they're like oh the rams are back I can't wait to see the breakdowns they have to have another Sunday Night Football game coming up at some point where they show the the release that Jared Goff has and then compare it to what he had last year.

Speaker 1 They fixed it. They're really big on that.
Jerry Goff has fixed his release and he's just throwing mechanics. Split second faster.
Yeah, split-second faster.

Speaker 1 And they do the tracer that follows the ball down and then straight up. He was awesome.
Yes, his release looks good this year. You know, like Ryan Tannehill throws a very tall ball.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Jerry Goff also throws an extremely tall ball. I'm like, listen, I don't want to go around parading this podcast too much, but our guys are starting to fucking look good.

Speaker 1 Josh Allen, really good. Jared Goff, really good.
Jared Goff was really good this game. Gardner Minshew, fun.
Really fun.

Speaker 1 Who else are we missing? That's about it. Who else are we missing? Mahomes.
Mahomes? Look.

Speaker 1 Actually, the worst of the three. Yeah, we'll get to Mahomes.
Yeah, Mahomes stinks compared to Jared Goff and Josh Allen.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I don't know what. Wait, what injury? I just want to know for the record, what injury are we blaming this loss on for the Eagles? We have to be on the same page.

Speaker 1 I think offensive line got hurt. So the Eagles

Speaker 1 are. My problem with the Eagles are

Speaker 1 that if you win a Super Bowl this decade,

Speaker 1 I just kind of assume you're still that team for that decade. Like, it's kind of

Speaker 1 like when we talk about the Seahawks defense. Like, the Seahawks don't have a good defense anymore.
No, Legion of Boom. Right.
Like, oh man, they got guys out there.

Speaker 1 They should bring back that guy that they kicked at for having sex during training camp. Yes, they absolutely should.
The Eagles are similar where

Speaker 1 I can't accept that the Eagles might just suck, but I think they suck, but I won't be able to. My brain can't work fast enough to realize the Eagles could just keep losing games like today.

Speaker 1 I'm like, no, but Carson Wentz, they still got Carson Wentz. They had Doug Peters.
He's a great coach. Yeah, as long as those two are the same.

Speaker 1 And then the year after they won the Super Bowl, they still made it back to the playoffs. So their Super Bowl hangover wasn't even that bad of a hangover.
So it is still Jim Schwartz. Yes.

Speaker 1 He's still around. Jim Schwartz, his nipples still popping.
And Eagles fans,

Speaker 1 the

Speaker 1 Super Bowl

Speaker 1 gravy period, the grace period is over. Because

Speaker 1 we were around a bunch of them today. They are motherfucking their team.
And I actually am like, good, you're back. Because

Speaker 1 I looked at Smitty, who, you know, I've known Smitty for a decade now, and he was fucking screaming at the Eagles. I was like, Smithy, you guys won a Super Bowl like three years ago.

Speaker 1 I said, I don't give a fuck. These guys suck right now.
It's like, okay, good. Philly's got Philly back.
They've accepted it. Yeah, I like that.
I don't want my Philly to be happy.

Speaker 1 I want my Philly to have that edge. There's no better way to make Philadelphians realize that their team's not good than it's really one of two losses.

Speaker 1 If you lose to the Dallas Cowboys, that's one great way of, like, that will throw the entire city into a panic. Right.

Speaker 1 Or if you lose to the worst team, one of the worst teams in the league that people thought coming into this year in Washington, week one.

Speaker 1 But really, we need to wait until they play against the Cowboys because if they lose that game, at that point, they will be calling for Doug Peterson to be fired. Yes, absolutely.

Speaker 1 All right, next game, we have Broncos Steelers.

Speaker 1 Drew Locke got hurt. I think he's out for a few weeks.
I saw this Schefter tweet. Can you actually play the Fox injury music underneath this?

Speaker 1 These tweets piss me off so much, PFT, because everyone got hurt today. This was the Everyone Got Hurt Day.

Speaker 1 Schefter tweeted, today,

Speaker 1 Nick Bosa, carted off with bad knee injury. Saquon Barkley carried off with knee injury.
Paris Campbell, carted off with knee injury. Drew Locke in locker room with shoulder injury.
Man.

Speaker 1 Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot.

Speaker 1 Damn. Adam's new to the NFL.
Schefter. Yeah.
That really hits home, dude. Every year, I feel like, has one week like this where the injuries...

Speaker 1 People remember, oh, yeah, football is actually a pretty dangerous sport to play sometimes.

Speaker 1 But it's also so funny to just that tweet, you're not breaking any news, you're just looking for retweets based solely off of guys getting injured. That's true.
Yeah, man.

Speaker 1 Look at how much I feel for these guys. I took at least 25 seconds out of my day to craft this tweet.

Speaker 1 Well, because he doesn't get to break injury news. Yeah, that's true.
So he has to

Speaker 1 get to do that anymore. Yeah, he's a felon.
Yeah, he's, yeah, they took away his, like, when you lose your right to vote or own weapons. Right.

Speaker 1 Adam Schefter is not allowed to come anywhere close to injury news, right? He has to give it like a 30-minute grace period before he can comment on it to make sure that it's all square with legal.

Speaker 1 Yes. But yeah, Drew Locke, that sucks that he's hurt.
But the funny thing is, I could see John Elway falling in love with Jeff Driscoll. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. That is prime.
Like, Jeff Driscoll is Drew Locke without any of the flash. So that's perfect for John Elway.
He could talk himself into giving him the start once Drew Locke gets healthy.

Speaker 1 Also, Jeff Driscoll has a big-ass booty since we're booty guys. Yeah.
Have you ever seen the picture where it looked like he was wearing a thong at Florida? I have not seen that, no. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 It's ridiculous. He had a thong-ass.
Like, he's wearing a thong. That is a thong.
I remember that. Jeff Driscoll's a thong wear.
For a second, I thought

Speaker 1 he was the guy that shit himself. We don't kink Shame.
No, that's fine. But Jeff Driscoll wears a thong while he's playing football.
Just never. A good rule of thumb is never

Speaker 1 left a Florida quarterback. Yeah, look at Dr.
Faith. He's wearing a thong.

Speaker 1 Jeff Driscoll's a thong wearer on the football field. How is it possible that Florida never has a good quarterback, though?

Speaker 1 Ever.

Speaker 1 Who was the last good quarterback that they had? In the NFL? Rex Grossman. Yeah.
Cam Newton. We could count Cam.
Yeah. Tebow.
Tebow won a playoff game. Teebo.
People forget that he won a playoff game.

Speaker 1 I still can't. I mean, he wears a thong.
It's crazy. He wears a fucking thong while he plays football.
Do we have any pictures of him in the Broncos uniform? No, but he's probably wearing a thong too.

Speaker 1 I just don't get it. How do you do? The SEC message boards just, like, dudes in fucking Alabama and, like, South Carolina and Mississippi, they...

Speaker 1 go to bed at night and they get down on their knees and they pray to God and they're like, please let one of my rivals quarterbacks get caught wearing a thong while playing football.

Speaker 1 It's just so I can escape

Speaker 1 this reality for a minute on the message board and have a day. I guarantee you Steve Spurrier wore a thong while coaching and playing.

Speaker 1 Oh, fuck. He golfs in a thong.
So Steelers, I don't know. Do we know if the Steelers are good? We don't know if the Steelers are good.
Their defense is very good. Their defense is awesome.

Speaker 1 Big Ben, I think, is fully back to being Big Ben. Yes, he had one of those boneheaded interceptions where you can tell on a play when Big Ben starts to think, that's when everything goes awry.

Speaker 1 Big Ben does his best work when he's just naturally reacting to things. They're like when a chicken gets their head cut off and their body still keeps going.

Speaker 1 If you could figure out a way to shut down Ben's brain during a play, then you're going to have the best version of Big Ben.

Speaker 1 But he had one where he had a little too much time to think, and he was like, I guess I got to get rid of it and threw it across his body, lobbed it up in the field, got easily picked off.

Speaker 1 But I think Big Ben is fully back to being Big Ben. Yes, I agree.
He also got assaulted when he just flopped, and it was so funny. Yeah, the only other thing I wrote down for this game:

Speaker 1 we don't talk enough about Bud Dupree being a great football player and also having an unbelievable name. Like, Bud Dupree is an unbelievable name.
That's a guy. Bud Dupree is

Speaker 1 Paul Bunyan's best friend. Bud Dupree, yeah, drives around in a Ford and is like the best shot this side of the Mississippi.

Speaker 1 I was going to say, it sounds like Bud Dupree could get you a great deal on any pre-used Toyota. Maybe, no, a pre-used Chevy guy.
He's a pre-used Chevy, really a truck man. Bud Dupree

Speaker 1 is a song, like Johnny Cash writes a song about Bud Dupree, the toughest man he ever knew. Like, we don't talk enough about how great of a name that is.
He's going to get paid soon, by the way.

Speaker 1 He's fucking awesome. But Bud Dupree, we just, the world needs to say more often, like, Bud Dupree, there's a football player that's awesome at football named Bud Dupree.

Speaker 1 Come on down to Bud Dupree's pre-owned boat and F-150 Emporium.

Speaker 1 Free trailer hitches installed on Sundays. Bud Dupree, there's five of us sitting in this room right now.

Speaker 1 Billy's not here.

Speaker 1 There's five of us sitting in this room right now.

Speaker 1 Bud Dupree has more like machismo just in his name than all five of us if we ookie cookied something and be like, like, here you go, this is all our testosterone. No, Bud Dupree.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he missed that name. Makes Tom Selleck sound like a bitch.
Yeah, right. Bud Dupree would bitch slap.
Is Tom Selleck still alive? For the purposes of this podcast, yes. Okay.

Speaker 1 Bud Dupree would bitch slap Tom Selleck, and Tom Selick would say, Thank you, sir. It has been an honor to get bitch slapped by you, Bud Dupree.

Speaker 1 Bud Dupree's pubes are the Tom Sellek mustache of pubes. Yes, exactly.
So, Bud Dupree,

Speaker 1 we might become a Bud Dupree podcast. It's fun to say.
Yeah, right, isn't it? Bud Dupree. Just great.
Like, shout out Bud Dupree's parents who were like, we have a last name, Dupree.

Speaker 1 Let's name him Bud. I wonder if that's probably not his given name.
I mean, if it is,

Speaker 1 that would take this over the top. Let's see.
Bud Dupree. Alvin.
Anybody could be better. The fact his name's Alvin, but his name's Bud.

Speaker 1 Alvin Dupree.

Speaker 1 Whatever. Bud Dupree.
Let's go.

Speaker 1 And he's a junior, too.

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Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 I had to stand up because my back's going to fucking die. All right.
Bucks 31. Panther 17.
What? My these chairs are a fucking joke. I don't know what we bought.
Like, they're...

Speaker 1 Yeah, my back feels fine. What are these chairs? They're terrible for your posture, but they're great for chillax

Speaker 1 slunk like and i've been eating like shit i'm just i'm i'm just laid back right now i'm just nice and relaxed on a sunday night it's just football times football season you know when you're just like today i part of my walk that i was talking about at the start of the show i was just trying to inhale as much fresh air as possible knowing that like i I'm like a caged animal.

Speaker 1 We should do on Sundays. We should do our Philly shows from a dumpster.
We should rent a dumpster. Yes.
And then just go out in the street. Fill it up with water.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Fantastic. Panthers, Bucks.
Panthers, Bucks. What I really love is that every single time that the Patriots lose, the Bucs win, or when the Bucs lose, the Patriots win.

Speaker 1 I will trade. That way we can always, we can keep debating for the rest of eternity who won this offseason.
I was mad because Rossillo came up with a great just power rankings every week. 1-2.

Speaker 1 Tom Brady Belichick. I'm sure he has

Speaker 1 Tom Brady won Belichick 2 now this week. Yeah, that's how it's got to be.
Yeah, it's got to be.

Speaker 1 but yeah, I,

Speaker 1 does Matt Rule have dumb face?

Speaker 1 His glasses are too big. That's the thing.
He has glasses of someone who's 60 pounds heavier than he is. I'm starting to think he's got dumb face because,

Speaker 1 well, there's something special happening this year where coach, football coaches getting mad that choose to wear the visor are so funny because they lift the visor to scream at their team,

Speaker 1 which

Speaker 1 the optics of the visor, I understand, understand, like they're trying to send the right message, but when you lift it and scream at someone, the visor is not, what's the point of wearing the visor?

Speaker 1 Right. And it also looks like a welder being like tapping on a welder's shoulders, like, what, what? They lift up their visor, like, what'd you say? But Matt Ruhl,

Speaker 1 I first thought of this when

Speaker 1 he went for a fake punt on fourth and two. There's another dumb, dumb fake punt.
On the 36-yard line. The 36-yard line.

Speaker 1 The only person he was faking out in that scenario was David Shaw, the coach at Stanford, because he saw a punt from the opponent's 36, and he was like, good move, dude.

Speaker 1 Want to play the field position. That's the only person.
There's no one else in the world who thought an NFL coach was punting from the opponent's 36-yard line.

Speaker 1 And then Matt Ruhl did it, and then he pulled up his visor to yell at his punter. for fucking it up, even though it was Matt Rule's stupid decision.
Why don't you just keep your offense out there?

Speaker 1 And I said to myself, I think Matt Ruhl might be dumb. Well, he definitely has the look where his mouth is open more often than it's not.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So, yeah, and when he yells, he spits into the clear visor that's in front of him. And so that's always a weird look when you get the spittle from the inside on it.
Yes.

Speaker 1 But yeah, Matt Ruhl, I'm not ready to say that he's dumb just yet. Might have dumb punts.
Why don't you?

Speaker 1 I'd like to see a coach try to fake a punt on like first or second down. If that's going to be your offense, if you're saying that we're at the 36-yard line, we need, what, two yards? Yeah.

Speaker 1 And our best chance to get it is by having our punt team on the field to fake fake it. Why not just build the entire offense out of fake punts? That's what Adam Gates should do.
I like that.

Speaker 1 Just fake punt up. Yeah, just get fucking weird with it, man.

Speaker 1 Fuck everyone up. Leonard Fournette fits better in an offense.
He's better. He doesn't fall down at the line of scrimmage.
Yeah, he had a nice big run.

Speaker 1 I mean, I don't really know.

Speaker 1 I thought, because this is one of the games we had on. I thought Tom Brady looked good.
He's definitely not dead.

Speaker 1 Like people were trying to bury him after week one, but it's also a very weird fit at times in that offense.

Speaker 1 And you could tell it was like, there were moments where it worked and there was moments where it was clunky.

Speaker 1 I mean, I would imagine by week five, six, we can start grading. By the way, just a heads up, the Bucs have like a super easy schedule coming up.
So the Bucs are going to get some,

Speaker 1 wow, look at the Bucs. They're fucking awesome.
I don't think, I'm going to go look at it right now, but I don't think they're getting like truly tested again for a while.

Speaker 1 So Tom Brady is going to get fat on some teams and everyone's going going to be singing the praises of the Bucs. And I just don't know.
They play the Broncos next week, the Chargers, the Bears.

Speaker 1 I guess they have the Packers, which would be a good game. Raiders, Giants, like those,

Speaker 1 they're going to end up being 6-1 here.

Speaker 1 You know, 5-2. Yeah.
6-1, 6-2, somewhere around there. So just get ready for that.
And I just don't know if we're going to fully know what they are. I just, I miss Rob Gronkowski.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's not stoked. He's totally not having having a good time right now.
No.

Speaker 1 It's, yeah. It's sad.
Did he catch a pass today?

Speaker 1 Let me see.

Speaker 1 He's kind of like we have our own Rob Gronkowski who's doing schoolwork

Speaker 1 and

Speaker 1 whatever. How much streaming do you think Billy did today, Hank?

Speaker 1 What do you think? Six to seven hours.

Speaker 1 How much video games did he play?

Speaker 1 Probably played a good amount. Yeah.
Did he get out of the gulag? He's got to do schoolwork, though. Mike Evans is awesome, by the way.
Rob Grinkowski, zero catches. One target.
Not stoked at all.

Speaker 1 We're not stoked. We're not stoked about that.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's all I had for Panthers Bucks. I don't know what to make of the Panthers.
I feel like they...

Speaker 1 They might be one of the worst teams in the league now that they, depending on how bad Christian McCaffrey's hurt. Oh, yeah, wait.
Scheffter didn't even put that in the tweets.

Speaker 1 He didn't include it about Christian? Man, Christian McCaffrey hurt. Classic ASPM.
Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 Cardinals versus your Washington football team.

Speaker 1 I'm going to throw a flag on something you said earlier. You did think they were going to maybe win this game.
You absolutely did. You did the bird alert.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You took them. You bet them plus seven.

Speaker 1 You thought that the Washington football team was actually a good football team. I bet them plus seven and a half.
They are.

Speaker 1 They are the best football team in the NFL. I knew that.

Speaker 1 Name another football team

Speaker 1 better better than the Washington football team. When I get myself to Lusions of Grander, I know I watched you watch that game.
You were excited for it. You thought they were a good football team.

Speaker 1 They are a good football team. They are the best football team in the league.

Speaker 1 Just by name alone. Ron Rivera quit on this team.
That was sad in the future. That was very weird.
He didn't use any of his timeouts.

Speaker 1 It was a two-score game if they stopped, which they did get to stop. Their defense is still good.

Speaker 1 I just don't think Dwayne Haskins, like, every time I watch Dwayne Haskins, it feels like he's good whenever they're down and everything opens up a little bit and it gets a little easier.

Speaker 1 But in the beginning of games, it doesn't look good.

Speaker 1 So it doesn't matter how fast your defensive line is, when you have a quarterback that is at least half a second faster than all of them in the 40-yard dash, then it's just impossible.

Speaker 1 You can't get to him. You can't make him feel pressure because he'll wiggle out of it.
There were times where

Speaker 1 it looked like the TV was glitching because Kyler Murray would be here, and then half a second later, he'd go behind a defender or his offensive lineman, and then he'd be like seven yards downfield.

Speaker 1 Right. don't know how he, you know, what he's really good at doing? He's really good at wiggling.
Yes, he's the best wiggler in the NFL right now. He's also doing, he's also not like,

Speaker 1 I can't really describe it, but he'll sometimes scramble. And when he's clear that he's not going to get any yards out of it, he'll just slide and take like one yard.

Speaker 1 So it looks like a bad play, but it's just him not taking negative yards. Him not taking sacks.
So I think he's starting to figure it out more. And I'm a believer in Kylie Murray.

Speaker 1 DeAndre Hopkins still like Bill Bill O'Brien, you're an idiot.

Speaker 1 You have the Browns next week. Are you going to sell yourself on that? Yeah, I think we got the Browns.
Okay.

Speaker 1 And then you're going to get pasted by the Ravens. Yeah.
And then the Rams. Bird Alert.
Bird Alert. The Rams.
And the Rams.

Speaker 1 Probably get. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You also thought that because your bird alert was right week one, you're like, this might be a thing. Oh, yeah, it occurred to me.

Speaker 1 I looked up their schedule and I saw that they play every bird team in the NFL besides the Falcons. So I was like, they might just be the bird hunters.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 You have to sell yourself on something. No, yeah, no, I'm not dumping things.
I'm not blaming you.

Speaker 1 If you know that the season's not going to go anywhere,

Speaker 1 you got to have little fun things that you figure out.

Speaker 1 The only reason I brought it up was because earlier in the show, you're like, yeah, I mean, they lost. We knew they were going to lose.
Like, I don't know.

Speaker 1 I don't think you, I think you thought they were going to win. Which I agree.

Speaker 1 You have to sell yourself on something. It's a fan being a football.

Speaker 1 I'm excited for the first time in years to watch Washington football. So

Speaker 1 any glimpse that I get, I'm like, yeah, the defense is great. They got rid of Bruce Allen.
So, there are all these reasons why they got Ron Rivera and Jack Del Rio. So,

Speaker 1 I'm ready to be sucked in.

Speaker 1 I'm ready to be hurt again, as Michael Scott would put it. No, that defense is good.

Speaker 1 And they're fun to watch. Chase Young's awesome, but

Speaker 1 I don't know. You got to figure out the quarterback's thing.
I also noticed that Kyler Murray, sometimes he just spins for fun. Yeah.
When he's in the open field, nobody's

Speaker 1 getting close to it. He does it, yeah.
Like when you see a spectacularly

Speaker 1 graceful gazelle running in the open across the open plain and just doing these dances that, you know, he's just doing for fun.

Speaker 1 That's what Kyler Murray does when he's in the open field, except he's got people chasing him. Yes.
All right, next up, we have Chiefs, Chargers.

Speaker 1 Okay, so Anthony Lynn, you're coaching losing football, dude.

Speaker 1 I don't know what that was. That was the Chargers played their fucking balls off.
Justin Herbert was good.

Speaker 1 He made the one mistake that I think we all kind of were expecting, and it cost them because you just can't make mistakes against Patrick Mahomes.

Speaker 1 But the Chargers' defense made Patrick Mahomes look totally ordinary. Like, he struggled all day.
They had no rhythm on offense. Their offensive line didn't look good.

Speaker 1 And then you get to the overtime, fourth and one. You have a quarterback who's been running the ball pretty well that day.
He's a big dude. And you punt.

Speaker 1 and give it back to Patrick Mahomes, who, again, their offense wasn't that good.

Speaker 1 They had to kick a 58-yard field goal. They'd do it three times to win the game, but still, Anthony Lynn, you were coaching losing football.

Speaker 1 That was such a baffling thing to do to just give the ball back to Patrick Mahomes.

Speaker 1 The Chiefs found themselves in situations, I don't think I've ever seen the Chiefs more than once or twice in a game get to like third and six or third and seven. That just does not

Speaker 1 compute to me seeing that Chiefs offense on the field and then seeing those numbers next to it because it's like you should get I'm used to seeing them get eight yards every first down at the minimum.

Speaker 1 But they were like scratching and clawing getting these like five, six-yard completions to Travis Kelsey in traffic in the middle of the field. And yeah, the Chiefs didn't look like the Chiefs.

Speaker 1 It turns out maybe I don't know as much about the NFL as I thought that I did. I think I said the Chiefs are going to score 100 points.
Well,

Speaker 1 this is going to be

Speaker 1 less than 100 points. It's going to sound crazy because we're talking about the offense now, but I really do believe that Tyrod Taylor starts that game, the Chiefs win by like 25.
Yeah. Because

Speaker 1 Justin Herbert, he had two things going for him. One, he actually was taking shots.
And two, we've talked about this before, but you have rookie quarterbacks, young quarterbacks,

Speaker 1 when you can get it to that perfect level of they're just dumb enough to not realize they're bad, and they're just like, I'm going to go out and play.

Speaker 1 So he didn't fully realize the mistakes he might have been making. And if you can...

Speaker 1 bottle that up you can do something with that and he was he was running for some first downs he took a couple shots he actually concussed that chiefs defender

Speaker 1 he got knocked out. He had several welcome to the NFL rook Stephen Shea moments of the day where he just was not used to getting hit that hard.

Speaker 1 And like you said, he's dumb enough to not know that that's not a bad thing yet or that that's a bad thing yet.

Speaker 1 So he's still like putting his body out there and taking shots, like trying to get like meaningless couple yards at the ends of plays sometimes.

Speaker 1 But yeah, the Chiefs, they didn't look like the Chiefs, but they won. They won ugly.
I guess we've seen the Chiefs win every other type of football except for ugly.

Speaker 1 And Andy Reid has a mask that doesn't get fogged anymore. It has technology.
Yeah, it just had holes. The technology.
No. I think it just had a holes.
It was NHL technology. Okay.

Speaker 1 Meaning, I don't know. He probably rubbed it down with peanut oil or something on the inside.
He soaked it up like scuba gear. He cleaned it.
I have a stat for you.

Speaker 1 Justin Herbert was the first guy with a pass and rush touchdown in the first half of the NFL debut since Bob Clutterbuck in 1954. I know when Bob Clutterbuck is fine.

Speaker 1 He don't make names like that anymore. Bob Clutterbuck.
Well, Bud Dupree is close. Yeah, no, Bob Clutterbuck's more like a vacuum salesman.
Yeah, Bud Dupree. Bob Clutterbuck is...
That guy had a job.

Speaker 1 That guy had a job outside of football, like, because the paycheck wasn't good enough. And

Speaker 1 he was just a regular, like, you live next door to Bob Clutterbuck. Bud Dupree has fired Bob Clutterbuck no less than six times over the course of his career.

Speaker 1 Bob Clutterbuck was just a dude who just lived like, oh, yeah, I live next to Bob Clutterbuck, starter for the Giants.

Speaker 1 Well, fortunately for the Chargers fans out there, Tarad's coming back next week as a starter.

Speaker 1 Anthony Lynn said that after the game was over, Tarad is our starter, even though I guess he hurt his chest in pregame warm-ups.

Speaker 1 I don't know, it sounded kind of serious because he said that he went to the hospital, right? Oh, really? Yeah, but he said that Tarad is going to be the starter next week, which is that is...

Speaker 1 No one's ever gotten fired for starting Tarad Taylor. Well, Tarad Taylor.

Speaker 1 So Anthony Lynn's doing the smart thing of keeping his job by keeping Justin Herbert on ice, but it's the dumb thing of Justin Herbert showed that he's clearly capable of being in the NFL and playing, and why wouldn't you play him right away?

Speaker 1 Tarad Taylor is a great lesson in life.

Speaker 1 If you're just a nice enough person, people won't really be ever very critical of you because I saw it written a few times today where they're like, Tarod Taylor, like really nice guy, doesn't take a lot of shots down here.

Speaker 1 He stinks. It's okay to say he stinks.
We feel bad for him. You know, he never really got the, he never, he never kind of found his spot.
He's a good backup. I'm sure he's a great teammate.

Speaker 1 He's not a good quarterback. He's not a good starting quarterback.
To me, it's a red flag when you say somebody as good as they are of a football player, they're an even better human.

Speaker 1 It's like, so they're not that good of a football player. At this point, if you're a starting quarterback, you should be a way better football player than you are a human.

Speaker 1 You should be a shitty human. Yes, you should be.
And a great quarterback. You pretty much have to have a Nobel Peace Prize to be a better human than you are a quarterback

Speaker 1 if you're an NFL player. So, yeah, maybe he just needs to start being an asshole.
Maybe Tarad needs to say, you know what, fuck it. I'm going to go back to the old me.

Speaker 1 I don't even know if he was ever an asshole. The new me.

Speaker 1 I'm going to go back to the new me that has never existed before and just be a piece of shit. Maybe then he'll be a better quarterback.
Yeah. All right, last up, Ravens, Texans.

Speaker 1 So the Ravens are just incredible. The Texans, I actually, I'm not ready to

Speaker 1 shit on the Texans yet. because they had to play the Chiefs and the fucking Ravens.
Like, you can't start harder than that. Yeah, that's a tough tough draw.
I'm not going to go, like,

Speaker 1 it's actually almost the reverse of, like, the Bears or the Steelers playing two terrible teams to start. You can't sit here and say definitively the Texans stink.

Speaker 1 They don't look good, but they played the Chiefs and the Ravens. I think that this is no exaggeration.
I think I could be the punter for the Ravens this year and not cost them any games. Yeah.

Speaker 1 They never go for it.

Speaker 1 They always go for it. They always go for it, unfortunately.
Carbon's addicted to going for it.

Speaker 1 He loves going for it ever since he realized that, oh, yeah, fourth down is actually just another regular play. And we get like six yards every play anyway.

Speaker 1 Ever since the computer folks told him that stat, he has been addicted to going for it. I think I could punt for the Ravens and we'd still go, I'd say 13 and three.

Speaker 1 The Ravens are Alabama. They're Alabama football.
They just run the ball down your fucking throat. They could, efficient passing game.
But today,

Speaker 1 in that fourth quarter, they almost, like, we were all sitting here rooting for the over, and I felt more confident that the Ravens would maybe get it than a team that can pass because the Ravens just rip off these runs that don't, they look like college football runs.

Speaker 1 Like, you're not, in the NFL, you're not supposed to be able to run the ball like the Ravens run the ball. They run the ball, and they'll just fucking, like, that fourth and one where Ingram scores.

Speaker 1 That was, I've seen that play in an Alabama game where I've covered a spread because Alabama wasn't even trying to run up the score. They're just so much better than you that they do it.

Speaker 1 When are we going to get the conversation going for you should extend Lamar Jackson now? Now. Pay him now.
Now. Pay him.
Pay Lamar. Yesterday.
Right now.

Speaker 1 Because they're getting a hell of a deal out of him. Yes.
They got to win, though. They got to win.
The time is short.

Speaker 1 So even as bad as the Texans were, that's the only second time that Deshaun Watson has lost by more than 14 points.

Speaker 1 Last time, Ravens last year. So the Ravens kind of just owned the Texans.
They have their numbers. They just kick the shit out of the Texans.

Speaker 1 All right, let's get to, let's finish up.

Speaker 1 So we're going to do Football Guy of the Week. We're going to do Who's Back of the Week, and we'll do a little NBA talk.
I don't think there was, was there any other thing?

Speaker 1 I don't think there was any like tournaments or anything that happened today. No.
Okay, so perfect. So that will be the rest of the show.
Let's do Football Guy of the Week

Speaker 1 presented by our friends at Fitch.

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Speaker 1 Football guy of the week, Jake Marsh, you sent us the email. I'm looking for the email.
You texted us. It's texted, yeah.
It's texted to us. I got them right here.
I can read them all. Get us going.

Speaker 1 All right, first one was Syracuse quarterback Rex Culpepper. Great, great quarterback name

Speaker 1 uh he threw his first touchdown of his career 69 yard score after being declared cancer free in 2018 a little heartstrings for his he went through a hundred hours of

Speaker 1 dead hank style dead he just he was just

Speaker 1 our poor boy he was just laying back dead i'm this is we're back to this the grinder i missed

Speaker 1 american ninja warrior on tv sunday nights suck i also have to listen to this back so this is like yeah but i can miss it the first time we're fighting for it the second time. But

Speaker 1 if we're flipping it, PFT and I also had to work the last four hours. We had to work during Sunday night football.
That's true. Same.
Well, you had to watch the game. We had to watch it.
On stream.

Speaker 1 True. Work.
Work. Grind.
Work, work, work. I'm not even.
You can nap. Okay.
Yeah, just fall asleep for the rest of the podcast. You'll be good.

Speaker 1 Wait, but should I wake you up when we want to make fun of LeBron? Because it's AD's team? Yeah, I'm ready for his part. Okay, all right.
I'm listening.

Speaker 1 Rusting my eyes a little bit. Then we have the parents of high school quarterback Jake Garcia are nominated.

Speaker 1 They have to legally separate from their son in order for him to be eligible to play after transferring. So it's like a reverse blind side.
Incredible.

Speaker 1 They orphaned their own son and then sent him out to L.A. Yes.
Sandra Bullock needs to make that into it. I love that move.
I love that move.

Speaker 1 And then Colts owner Jim Ursa gave a motivational speech on Twitter while standing over the bench press. I think we talked about that on Friday.

Speaker 1 And then Desmond Pulliam, he's a high school senior in Texas with autism spectrum disorder who scored his first career touchdown in a rivalry game. I saw the replay of this.

Speaker 1 I saw the highlight of this. He's got wheels.

Speaker 1 I would like to make a PSA to anyone who's ever involved in one of these types of plays where they have somebody come on the field who's maybe been associated with the team for a while and want to get them in a game before they graduate.

Speaker 1 Give them a good five yards worth of space as they're running the ball into the end zone.

Speaker 1 His teammates came dangerously close to tackling him several times on this run. Yes.
I know you want to be on Sports Center, like high five of them on the way to to the end zone. Don't trip him.
Also,

Speaker 1 do you think anybody in the stands had the under on that game? Yeah. And then that play half.
It's got to be tough. And then

Speaker 1 you just have to bite your tongue and just be like...

Speaker 1 No, you can bitch about it after. You can bitch about it after.
Yeah, yeah, you can bitch it in private.

Speaker 1 What are you? Jake Grinaldi today? Trying to make us cry?

Speaker 1 Fucking sad sap stories. What the hell, man?

Speaker 1 We want the dudes who are like, who like

Speaker 1 the guy who's got like cirrhosis of the liver and he's like, I'll play without a liver. And

Speaker 1 I'll coach with a Brett Farm. I'll coach without a liver.
Not just actually sad stories. That's Bruce Arians.
Yeah, fuck.

Speaker 1 All right. So, Phil Snorocco,

Speaker 1 football guy of the week, vote. We'll put up the blog.

Speaker 1 Maybe we'll try to get in touch with him. I mean,

Speaker 1 going to cry? We're just going to cry now? Yeah.

Speaker 1 We should have a cry episode a part of my take. Yeah.
Where we just cry. Yeah.

Speaker 1 We'd just try to make each other cry. We'd watch Marley and me.

Speaker 1 don't don't even say yeah i know i just said it yeah yeah all right hank winner hank no hank's a dog owner now you ever see normie

Speaker 1 you ever think about normie getting old

Speaker 1 you ever think about normie no stop

Speaker 1 i was i mean he loves you so much and i love him right he's my best friend

Speaker 1 already they are boys damn how big is his dick

Speaker 1 i don't know you don't know that would actually be so funny if Norman, because he's like, he's a wiener dog, right? What if he just had a fucking hog?

Speaker 1 He doesn't, you know, he doesn't really whip it out in front of me. We got a good throw connection.
Oh, really? He's really low to the ground.

Speaker 1 Ria, though, like, she'll just get excited and just start going home. He likes the chicks.
Yeah. Does he ever, does he ever scrape against the ground when he's walking?

Speaker 1 Uh, yeah, sometimes after he pees, like it'll be the little trail. I'll be like, damn, Norman.
Oh, so he does have a little tripod. Oh, he's so small to the ground.

Speaker 1 No, uh, quin quin pod. Quinpod, his fifth leg.

Speaker 1 All right, enough about Hank's dogs, Dick.

Speaker 1 Who's back of the week?

Speaker 1 Hank.

Speaker 1 My who's back of the week. You said we were going to do it later, but I'm just going to do it now.
No, we're doing it. This is the end of the show.
We're going to end the show. Gordon Hayward.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 And Anthony Davis.

Speaker 1 So go on.

Speaker 1 Gordon Hayward's back. The Celtics beat the heat.

Speaker 1 He's looking good. The Celtics are looking good.
That locker room blow-up, by the way, was way bigger than I thought it was. Like, I was reading some of the tweets.
Seemed like they really were mad.

Speaker 1 I told you, yeah. I said it on the show.
But they fought it out and they kept it in-house. Yes, as first reported by me on the show two days ago.
Marcus Smart wedgied Brad Stevens. Yeah, I mean,

Speaker 1 I was trying to give you guys the facts. You guys are trying to make jokes and not really listening to what I was saying, but I told you all this the other day.
I gave him a story.

Speaker 1 All for the cause.

Speaker 1 He's down for the cause. They kept it in-house.
Yeah, I'm down for the 18th 18th banner, 18th ring.

Speaker 1 So Gordon Hayward, he's staying in the bubble, though, right? He's staying in the bubble.

Speaker 1 He's having another child. Is it a boy? Or is Daddy still always?

Speaker 1 This one's a boy. Daddy's happy.
Daddy's really actually happy. Really, actually happy this time.
Yeah, for sure.

Speaker 1 I think he just realized, like, if you're in the bubble, you can play unlimited amounts of video games. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Whereas if you go home, then you have to go to the hospital with your wife and hold her hand while she gives birth.

Speaker 1 It's a big thing.

Speaker 1 He's like, I'd just rather be be on the sticks. The best was when we, uh,

Speaker 1 Gordon Hayward. I think the bubble started right as Doug's was ending, but we streamrated Gordon Hayward one night, and everyone just told him that Doc Rivers died.

Speaker 1 And then he realized that, like, our chat just fucks with people. And he was like, why would you say that? That's like so fucked up.
I felt really bad.

Speaker 1 It was also really funny. Dog Rivers would be an excellent name for

Speaker 1 an old bloodhound. Oh, you should have named Normie Dog Rivers.
Dog Rivers. What's up, Hank? Why? He's not a choker.

Speaker 1 Oh! Wow, wow.

Speaker 1 That's my who's back. Okay, okay.
My who's back. Wait, AD,

Speaker 1 it is his team. Yeah, so yeah.
I mean, I'm not going to say it, but let's just say, you know,

Speaker 1 I've thought about some things this weekend. Yeah, Nolo Brown's going to win a title.
We have to get,

Speaker 1 yeah. We have to like get

Speaker 1 a lot of a dream. But I...
Like, what's the line? What's the company line?

Speaker 1 I ran some simulations. I ran a lot of simulations, and they're all kind kind of coming out the same way.
You just thought the simulations is Hank thinking too long about this.

Speaker 1 I think being a father should be the number one job that LeBron should have right now. Yeah, so Johnny.

Speaker 1 He should leave the bubbler. Let's just say that was not the bubbler.
That was not the first time LeBron James Jr. has smoked weed.
He knew his way around to Philly. Knows what he is doing.

Speaker 1 Great caption, by the way, too. That's the thing.
What was the caption? It was like we are smoking that Nuggets pack tonight, right after the Lakers beat the Nuggets.

Speaker 1 I would say something like that. We beat the Nuggets and I was smoking a celebratory blunt.
It's like, yeah, we're smoking the Nuggets pack. He's better at smoking weed than I am.

Speaker 1 Oh, and he's only, what, 17 years old? Is he how old is he? I think he's 16. He's great at smoking weed.

Speaker 1 I love Brian James.

Speaker 1 He's a fucking in-the-phase clan, smoking weed every day. Clearly, he's against his dad, much like all of us.
So it's like

Speaker 1 that part might be made up.

Speaker 1 No, no, no. No, that's true.
I mean, Brian hates LeBron James. He hates his dad.
Just like us. Yeah, he's rebelling against us.
All hate LeBron James, including Bronnie.

Speaker 1 Bronnie, open invites to come on this show whenever you want. Yeah, you know what? We should be a Bronnie podcast.
I DM'd with him once, and then I was like, wait, I'm DMing with a 15-year-old.

Speaker 1 That's weird. This is weird.
But yeah,

Speaker 1 it is weird when he trends. That's kind of weird.
Everyone's just like talking about him. He's like, this is a 16-year-old.
Yeah. But then again.
He's making videos and stuff. Yeah, that's weird.

Speaker 1 But then again, he also taped himself. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So he clearly wants everyone to know. I mean, he's like, smokes.
Well, that's the thing. Bro, we know you're cool now.
Right. He joins Foz Clan.
Like, he's doing all this shit.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he knows that he has to be in front of the Camberland.

Speaker 1 Also, biggest clown move of all time was LeBron James, like, just bitching and moaning about not winning MVP and not even congratulating Giannis. Right, right.

Speaker 1 Saying it was bullshit voting. Is that what he said? Scum.
Maybe it'd be better and you wouldn't MVP. Yeah.
Maybe if you worry less about MVP, you know, I'm going to win finals MVP

Speaker 1 No disrespect to families, though. No disrespect to families.

Speaker 1 Also, maybe if you didn't feed them wine all the time, they wouldn't smoke weed. That's right.
It's actually healthier.

Speaker 1 They're probably just trying to get rid of the spins for all the wine they're drinking.

Speaker 1 This is Bronny actually going on a health kick. This is like his version of becoming vegan.
It's just like, you know what? I'm not going to drink alcohol.

Speaker 1 It's better for you if I just stay high all the time. In all honesty, it must suck.

Speaker 1 It's probably great to be Bronny James Jr. because you're awesome at basketball and your dad's LeBron James.

Speaker 1 But at the same time, it sucks because you're trending on Twitter after you do something that every fucking kid does. Like, every kid smokes weed.
Just don't post it. Yeah.
No, I say post harder.

Speaker 1 Post through it. Yeah.
Because if you stop posting now, then you're letting the haters win. If Bronnie James Jr.
fucking, if LeBron James wins a title and Bronny James Jr.

Speaker 1 hits a gravity bong on a live stream,

Speaker 1 I might actually

Speaker 1 become a LeBron James fan

Speaker 1 through Bronny James Jr. as a portal.
Uh-huh. As a portal,

Speaker 1 I might be like, if I ever met LeBron James, I'd be like, sir, I'm a big fan of your son. Yeah, that's it.
Straight up. Like, I'm a big Bronny James.
And you know what?

Speaker 1 Whatever part you had in raising him, good job. Yeah, you're an even better father than a basketball player.
Yes.

Speaker 1 You know what would be great is if they won the championship and then Bronnie was just hanging out with JaVale and J.R. Smith, just blazing it up.
Oh, J.R. Smith.

Speaker 1 Just

Speaker 1 hot boxing the escalade at the front of the parade. Yes.
Just like crack the window, a little smoke comes out.

Speaker 1 All you see is shirtless J.R., like, cutting a milk gallon in half to start to make that gravity. No,

Speaker 1 J.R. Smith definitely DM'd Bronnie James Jr.
as like, you're cooler than your dad. That's what's up.
Yeah. Like, you're already cooler.
Well, your dad says the same shit to me. Don't worry, Bronny.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. When he comes down on you, don't worry.
Like, it's all love. You might want to read

Speaker 1 that LeBron James is not cool because my who's back was going to be LeBron's thoughts. Wait, before you do that, do the last ad, but I want to hear this.
Yeah, LeBron's thoughts. LeBron's back, yeah.

Speaker 1 The last ad, actually, this is great. I'm not even going to call it an ad.
I'm just going to say this is me saying that body armor is fucking awesome. We love body armor here at Part of My Take.

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Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 Emo LeBron. Yes, LeBron's thoughts are back this week.
So

Speaker 1 he's doing geometry right now. Red Alert, he's doing geometry.

Speaker 1 He said, exactly why I have my closed circle, because as soon as you try to expand a square, the people who you thought were in your corner are the exact opposite. So do you get that? Yes.

Speaker 1 So that's why he has a circle, because if you open it up, then no one's in your corner anymore. I thought that was about Bronnie James Jr.
And by opening up, he meant like having kids.

Speaker 1 Oh, I thought you meant like circle, like puff, puff, pass around the circle. Do you think LeBron didn't even understand the Bronnie James Jr.
thing?

Speaker 1 So, he was like getting mad at the person who filmed Bronnie James Jr., not realizing it was Bronnie James Jr.

Speaker 1 Yeah, somebody went behind Bronnie's back and posted this video of him on his own Instagram. Snakes in the grass, man.
I tell you, my thoughts. And then, did you see the correction? No, No.

Speaker 1 He just responded with an asterisk saying R, A R E instead of

Speaker 1 spelled like a square. No, but the philosophy of the expanded circle into a square, that still stands, right? We can all agree on that.
Yes.

Speaker 1 LeBron James teaching geometry, but also imparting life lessons would be

Speaker 1 a TED talk I would be here for. When he tweets like that, I just giggle to myself endlessly.

Speaker 1 Where do you think he got this saying from, though? Three-time NBA champion or 14-year-old girl going through a breakup?

Speaker 1 yeah you decide when when you go off on a tangent no one will co-sign for you LeBron James

Speaker 1 anyone who tweets sub-tweets like super dramatic shit like this I mean we said last week with Dan Orloski when he was like remember those that lied to you I won't like what what who are you saying this to either just tell us tell us who doesn't the square that doesn't fit in the circle or whatever the fuck you're saying LeBron or don't I always don't leave us hanging I always assume it's Kyrie it's still Kyrie still Kyrie.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I like that.

Speaker 1 Or maybe AD because AD is it's clearly his team. Yeah, I mean, he got the shot.
He did get the shot. And LeBron James passed up on his shot.
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Speaker 1 Poor nuggets.

Speaker 1 I like them. They're fun.
All right. My who's back is the Chris Bear.
It's all the way back. Did you guys get all the Chris Bear this weekend? Chris Bear is back.
I like it to a point.

Speaker 1 I usually like this first week of the Chris Bear. This summer, it's a little bit different, though, because I spent the last six months inside air conditioning.

Speaker 1 You know, and that's always a treat if it's really hot outside and you re-enter air conditioning. Yeah.
That feels awesome. But

Speaker 1 I've had more than my fair share of crisp air.

Speaker 1 So this is the best. No, that's dank nusty.
That's manufactured air. This is the real crisp air is officially back.
It feels like fall. Football's humming.

Speaker 1 I think I said this like maybe the first year we did the podcast, but when you have, when you're a bigger guy, it's like a big dog getting their life back when the crisp air comes the summer's hard the summer like slogs for anyone who's got breasts like i do and then that first taste of crisp air and sweatshirt weather i feel like i could just run i have the zoomies i just run like crazy and i don't actually run i'm not saying i run but you know what i'm feeling like my brain could run you feel like you could yeah and i just put on a little lumineers feel like a poet feel like i'm i walked around philly this morning i'm gonna say it

Speaker 1 This morning was like a movie. You should start doing some emo tweets.
Yeah, it was like a rom-com.

Speaker 1 Judd Appetow. Yeah, you've got Taylor Swift humming in the background.
Yeah, and all the whole time I was just

Speaker 1 like farting and thinking about what bets I was going to make. But that's the new rom-com.
Yeah, I got into a car the other day and it had heat on, and it felt good to step into the heat.

Speaker 1 I just thought it's too soon for this. Yeah, it's too soon.
I love the crisp bear.

Speaker 1 I hope someday,

Speaker 1 many years from now when I die, it's just sitting outside in the crisp air. I did that this morning.

Speaker 1 I was like a real Philly scumbag. I took a chair and I sat it right in front of the apartment.
We were like in a townhouse. I just sat it on the sidewalk.

Speaker 1 I just sat in a chair on the sidewalk for an hour. Just like looking at people passing by? Yeah, all I needed was a hose to just like hose kids as they walked by.
Like, get out of here, scram.

Speaker 1 I felt great. I like the crisp air at night.
Not a fan. During the day, it should be hot.
At night, it should be cold. So that way, when we watch

Speaker 1 Sunday night, we watch Sunday night football, you get the steaming heads, and

Speaker 1 you get the steam coming out of the mouth when people at sale. I love that.
I don't like seeing hot air at night. No, I need crisp air all the time.

Speaker 1 All right, that's our show. I think we didn't miss anything, right? That's it.

Speaker 1 So, when you think about the big major sports going on,

Speaker 1 we got basketball. We talked a little bit of hockey.
We mentioned hockey at least. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
The stars. Stars look awesome.

Speaker 1 And Stool Stream's Jenga today. We forgot to talk about that.
Stick

Speaker 1 it today. That's playing sport.

Speaker 1 A bunch of people are playing. Me, you, and Jake are playing on Thursday, Rivalry Week.
Okay. Oh, that's Rivalry Week.
All right. So, yeah, that's our show.
Love you guys.

Speaker 1 Billy, do you have any fun facts?

Speaker 1 Oh, that's cool.

Speaker 1 Thank you, Mr. Commenter.
The 2020 U.S. Open is in the books, and let's just say it was a huge few days for the course.

Speaker 1 143 of the 144 players in the field failed to shoot under par at Wingedfoot, and only 29 players shot 10 over or better.

Speaker 1 Quick reminder that, quote, I root for the course, end quote, hats are available exclusively on stored at barstoolsports.com right now. Bryson D.

Speaker 1 Chambeau, hank bleep that name name out, emerged victorious to win his first ever major. However, many are questioning the validity of this win as two-time U.S.

Speaker 1 Open champion Brooks Kepka did not participate due to injury. Get well soon, Blake.
That's your PMT PGA Sunday night update. We will see you all on Wednesday.

Speaker 1 Just a play that we're waiting for.

Speaker 1 You all think I've got to remember.

Speaker 1 Shine away.

Speaker 1 I'll come in anyway.

Speaker 1 Take on me,

Speaker 1 take on me, take

Speaker 1 me

Speaker 1 all

Speaker 1 in your

Speaker 1 way.

Speaker 1 take a meal,

Speaker 1 take a meeting,

Speaker 1 take my

Speaker 1 take presented by Barstool Sports.