Coach Lane Kiffin, Morten Andersen And Blake Bortles Is Back

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On today's Pardon My Take, we have a twofer, Coach Lane Kiffin, on the show for the first time, recurring guest now. Coach Kiffin, we talked everything with him, including visor wearing, USC, Alabama,ama olman everything literally everything joey freshwater

uh we have recurring guest morton anderson on the show to get to the bottom of kicking problems in

the nfl we have a little monday night football wrap up blake bortles is back hot seat cool throne

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let's go. We've done no place to hang out or washin' And then I can't leave all on the sun Oh, no We've got to rock down to Electric Avenue And then we'll take it higher Oh, we've got to rock down to Electric Avenue It's Part of My Take presented by Barstool Sports Welcome to to Part of My Take presented by the Cash App.
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Today is Wednesday, September 23rd. And Blake Bortles is back.
Hell yeah, he's back. He's back with a vengeance.
We did it. We can take down signblakebortles.org.
I'll tell you what. We'll change signblakebortles.org from just the link to the box score from that Pittsburgh playoff game.
We'll switch it to just the mission accomplished, George Bush meme. Yes.
We did it. We did it.
I had a little Freaky Friday incident. I was driving up from Philly back to New York this morning, and I was listening to a podcast, and they were like, you know, Denver might go find a quarterback off the street because Drew locks out for a few days.
And I said to myself, Blake Bortles is on the street, literally probably on the street right now, like hanging out, just hanging out on the street. And not five minutes later, Schefter said that Blake Bortles was going to Denver to throw the ball and interview for the position.
Boom, we're back. I hope we didn't make it awkward for our very good friend, Blake Bortles, by talking at length about Jeff Driscoll's thong.
But if you remember, we've actually had this discussion before because Bortles and Jeff Driscoll are high school rivals. They're rivals.
Iron sharpens iron. Yes.
Maybe Blake Bortles would just go free ball underneath. That would actually be- Bortles burgered him.
That would be an alpha move if Blake showed up. He's like, you know what? I don't even need to wear underwear to show off this dumper.
Yes. Just pure Bortles ass right there.
And listen, I know like I saw that people are like, oh, Blake Bortles has a job. How does Colin Kaepernick not have a job? Or how does this person not have a job? Just let us have Blake.
Because Blake, we just want Blake in the NFL. Yeah.
He's a great guy. We just want him in the NFL.
You can complain about other people. I'm totally by that.
I can totally get behind, like, some people having a job and being like, how does this guy have a job? And this guy doesn guy doesn't but Bortles the world is a better place when Blake Bortles is on NFL roster and I'm genuinely happy for him because the way the NFL works if you go a year it kind of can just be over yeah so with Blake he's going to Denver I don't I think he was going to get signed by the Broncos this offseason they passed on him I think just in like, okay, you're a safety guy. If we have an injury, if we have a COVID-related illness, we're bringing Blake there.
So Schefter reported that they flew him in this morning, and then, like, 30 minutes later, they're like, yeah, the interview went well. I have to imagine the interview was, like, John Elway saying, how tall are you? Okay, yeah, you got the job.
And he probably just walked in the room and was like, you seem like a pretty sweet dude. Yeah, you're a cool guy to have around.
You're in. Blake is going to be everybody's best friend except for Jeff Driscoll because the rivalry is back on between those two.
I think Blake is going to take that starting job from him. What did we say? I don't think that there's any question about that.
I have a vague memory of us just going at Jeff Driscoll. I think there was a Jeff Driscoll in a Boomer.
Yeah, we did something where I think we made it awkward. So socially liberal but Driscoll-y conservative was one that we did.
So Jeff Driscoll, you seem like a nice guy, dude. Not anymore.
Whatever. It's fine, but peace.
Yeah. Bortles is going to be cooking up in Denver.
I'll put it this way. They're playing.

You know who they're playing this weekend?

The Jets.

They are playing the Tampa Bay Buccaneers this weekend. The Tampa Bay Buccaneers was my answer.

And Bortles is a Brady killer.

True.

A Brady killer in their last two matchups.

In the first half.

In their last two matchups.

You knew there was a catch to this stat.

He has outscored Tom Brady in the second quarter, 21-10, in their last two matchups. So just give Bortles a shot in the second quarter.
Bring him in. You know what? I'll expand to the entire first half.
In their last two matchups, Blake Bortles has outscored Tom Brady in the first half, 35-13. Wow.
How lucky are the Steelers that the Broncos got the Bortles the week after they played? Because Bortles actually is a Steelers killer. Dodged a major bullet for that one.
So let me be perfectly clear. Blake Bortles is getting the starting job.
So PFT, you are on the record as being a big Drew Locke guy. Yeah.
What happens when Drew Locke comes back? That's going to be an interesting quarterback competition because Drew Locke has it. He he has moxie he has poise but blake bortles has the x factor just say blake portals blake portals okay so he's not a drew lock guy thin air thin hair don't care no hair thin air no hair well we haven't seen a picture recently i think he's just committed to that i hope he might have grown it out like a lot of people in quarantine he's like blake actually does strike me as the type of guy who would grow it back and be like maybe it's maybe it's back maybe it's needed a break yeah maybe my hair just needed my hair was doing too much work yeah where i just it was just a helmet yeah i need to stop wearing helmets for a while and stop rubbing those follicles out but yeah the nfl is a better league when blake bortles is back in it and i think that this is a great scenario for him out in denver he's got the opportunity to prove himself here's what happens blake gets in maybe he performs really well for the next couple weeks drew lock comes back john elway will probably want to go back to drew lock since he's been the quarterback of that team for the last year and a half but what bortles will have done he will have reestablished himself, and then the world is his oyster.
Then he can go anywhere. Yes.
I just also realized that I would pay anything to be a fly on the wall when Jake Butt introduces himself to Bortles, because I bet you Bortles gets a kick out of that. Just going to crack up for a while.
Jake Butt. Jake Butt? Okay.
Like when he throws it to him in practice the first time, he's like, Butt? Okay. All right.
So Bortles is back. All is right in the world.
Let's talk a little Monday Night Football. Trigger warning for Saints fans.
There's going to be some Drew Brees talk. Do you think – let's start here.
Do you think Saints fans realize it, that it's over? Or do you think they're still holding on to oh well the saints are good enough which they do have a great roster but they're being held back by their quarterback and this isn't just this year this has been the last like year and a half it's it's much more evident right now though it was evident last year though like he put drew breeze is smart enough and cerebral enough to still be a okay quarterback but he he limits their offense because he does not have an arm anymore and he even said afterwards he he scoffed at the idea that he was uh over the hill and he said that this offense like hasn't peaked yet and i have to agree with him because it will peak Jameis Winston's the starting quarterback, which might happen this year. Start Jameis.
That's my takeaway is the time is now. It is Jameis o'clock in New Orleans.
I think with Drew Brees, his arm, it definitely got worse over the offseason. It was getting bad last year.
It's been bad. It's been bad for two years.
It got worse over the offseason, and I think it's more pronounced not having Michael Thomas,

who's the guy that runs those 8, 10-yard, those dig routes.

You don't have to throw the ball deep when you have Michael Thomas on the field.

But you do have to throw the ball deep to beat good defenses.

You can throw an intermediate pass to Michael Thomas

and still be a competent offense.

But now that Michael Thomas is out of the game,

you can't uncork that deep ball.

You don't have the deep ball. His arm strength.
His daughter's probably psyched that he's not setting any more records. And she probably doesn't want to be pictured with him on the field when he's getting new certificates for these passing yard things because she's probably embarrassed that her dad can't throw the ball over 12 yards.
In New Orleans, I think that everyone is kind of thinking the same thing, but nobody wants to be the first person to say it. You need to say it.
You need to say it, guys. That's why they're relying on us.
You need to say it. They're relying on us to say it for you.
You need someone to say it. 33% of his yards on Monday night were in the air.
That's insanely low. So that means that two-thirds of the yards that he had passing were just yards after catch.
Unleash Jameis Winston on America. I disagree with you on the Michael Thomas thing.
Of course, Michael Thomas makes him better. But if you play, there's a limit to Sean Payton's offense when Drew Brees can't make those throws.
And I don't know, he's struggling with even 10-yard, 15-yard throws. He's not even talking about deep ball anymore.
That's what I'm saying. With Michael Thomas running 10-yard, 15-yard routes, Drew Brees can get it there.
It doesn't look great, but Michael Thomas will make you look good on those passes, and it'll make you forget that he can't throw the deep ball anymore. There's a ceiling to all of it.
That's why the offense last year and right now, obviously, is like a shell of what it has been in the past, because he doesn't have that thing that he does where he cocks his shoulders back to like 45 degrees and unlaunches that deep ball 45 yards. He doesn't have that anymore.
Drew Brees, you know when you go out, like maybe Thanksgiving, the one time a year you're going to throw the football around and you throw it as hard as you can and your arm feels like it's about to fall out of its socket and you're like, oh, I should have warmed up. That's every throw for him.
It looks like last night he was actually shaking his arm like he had hit his funny bone. I'm like, what's going on here? Like, is he hurt? Is he not? And I get it.
He's a Hall of Famer. He's, you know, the face of the Saints franchise.
Everything he's done for that city, it's incredible. But at some point, the Saints have a have a super bowl roster their roster is awesome and so at some point i think what sean payton is doing if you notice tasem hill is just sneaky like tasem hill played fullback wide receiver and quarterback last night he's just gonna slowly nudge tasem hill in there until all of a sudden tasem hill like hey let's let tasem hill be quarterback for first down here and second And you know what? We'll do a third down too just to see what it goes.
And then eventually that's how Drew Brees will lose his job. It's the frog in the boiling water that you gradually increase the temperature and then the frog doesn't know that it's being boiled until the water's already too hot.
Billy knows all about that. You don't get to finger it first, which is a problem with that theory.
But yeah, maybe just have Drew Brees start the game.

Just like Drew Brees is a starter.

He plays the first play.

Then Taysom comes in.

Then you've got a two-headed monster of Taysom Hill and Jameis Winston

just finishing teams, just crushing them.

So that's the Drew Brees part.

We are taking credit away from the Raiders being actually good.

Derek Carr looked good.

Their running game looked good.

Their defense looked decent.

I don't know how to grade it against Drew Brees.

And you

saw after, I think you know that things

are going well when John Gruden

and Mike Mayock did the

wrestling

hugs slash kind of

hit each other, move after

the game in excitement where you're like are these guys about to either kiss or punch each other? We don't know. But that's just football guy energy and nowhere to go.
And they just kind of clash at each other. That means it's rolling in Oakland.
That's the optimal state to be in if you're a football guy. With your fellow football guys, at any time, you should want to make out with them and also stab them it's like a hug slash full nelson yeah you're just kind of like oh yeah good job like if you hug somebody but you're also not hurting them at the same time that's sus right exactly major major so you gotta want to kind of like choke your buddy out yeah i saw that clip i was like these guys they something cooking here.
And Gruden's got a little of that swagger. I do think Derek Carr, even though his first drive, he looked lost.
But he picked it all back up. And they have half their offensive line, which is their strength, is hurt.
So if they get that healthy, I don't know. The Raiders might be good.
John Gruden was in his natural element, just calling Spider 2Y Banana all over the field last night. They ran it so many times, and you can't stop it.
You cannot stop Spider 2Y Banana, especially if they have a good tight end, which they do. They've got an awesome tight end in Waller.
And then Alec Ingold, obviously knocking heads as a fullback. Got the game ball.
Lowman Award winner Alec Ingold. And then we should talk about the new stadium in Las Vegas because I want to fuck the Las Vegas Raiders new stadium.
No, just like I want to grind on it. I don't think that there's really a hole to be spoken for there.
It's like a hockey puck in the middle of the desert, except it's shiny. I want to fuck it.
It is the most erotic stadium that I've ever seen. It almost looks better with no fans, although I think that it'll be awesome once they do start letting fans inside.
But for right now, that thing is sexy as shit, and I want to fucking fuck it. Whoa.
I do. Yeah, no, I know.
You have fucking your eyes. You thought I wanted to fuck the Atlanta Falcon Stadium when it's got the little butthole that opens up.
No, I'm throwing that in the trash. That's yesterday's news.
I want to just rub all my body in and around the Oakland, the Las Vegas Raiders new stadium. Shout out Mark Davis, by the way.
What a classy move to not go to the game because fans aren't allowed to go to the game. Slash, he was probably at the.
Chang's just dining and whining himself and enjoying that. That was so bizarre when they announced that.
And they're like, I thought there was a death or something. Because they're like, Mark Davis can't be here tonight.
And then at the end, he thinks it's not right that if fans can't be here, he won't be here. In reality, it's probably Mark Davis doesn't have enough money to rent out the suite and get food catered to it.

He can't buy a ticket and gas money?

No, well, you know how the suites are there,

but then you still got to pay for the food?

Right.

So he was like, what's the point of going if I can't get the dessert card?

He was probably like, the dessert card is what's going to put me over the edge,

not worth going if I can't have that walk by.

But it's for the fans.

I do think that Mark Davis, he is the working man's owner. He is by far the coolest owner.
He doesn't have money. Yeah.
He actually has to work. He's probably at his other job.
Wasn't that the whole story about the Raiders contract with Gruden? Yeah. They had to put it all in escrow because he's like, we don't know if he'll have that money.
And that's why E. Stanley Kroenke didn't want him moving into his neighborhood.
He was trying to keep his neighborhood gentrified.

He's like, I can't have property value going down on this new lot that I just built.

So let's get Spanos up here.

Let's kick Mark Davis out to Las Vegas.

I don't want Mark Davis having to go door-to-door introducing himself.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, exactly.

Neighbors start moving out when you see a guy in an all-white tracksuit moving in.

In his conversion van. Yeah, I can't have that thing parked outside my stadium.
The NFL Films is going to move out of their office if that happens. So, yeah, I do like what Mark Davis is doing.
I don't know the reasons behind it, but I choose to believe him that he's like, if the fans can't go, then I don't want to go. Because he is kind of a man of the people.
Yeah. He is.
I just think that there's got to be another reason. He probably was like, I just, I got something else going on Monday night.
He should rent out the P.F. Changs and have his own watch parties.
Or just get, like, a giant outdoor area that he can do, like how the Raptors do Jurassic Park. Yes.
There should be, like, Davis Park, where everyone just gets dressed up as lookalike. Free haircuts.
Mark Davis's. And they all sit out wearing their tracksuits, watching a giant screen, and scratching themselves with camel toes.
I like that. I think that would be awesome, actually.
You should do that in Las Vegas. But again, I want to stress that I want to fuck the stadium.
Yes. Oh, we got it.
Okay. Yeah.
So I guess we should. It is weird to not even at least mention.
There was Game 3 tonight. We taped before.
The Lakers won. We needed one break.
Yeah, the Lakers. We're going to be back in on the Nuggets.
I think the Nuggets won. Oh, really? Yeah.
No, I think the Lakers won tonight. I think the Nuggets won, but we had to pick our spots to take one day where we don't have to be here until midnight.
We'll be back. We'll be here until midnight for the Jags-Dolphins game.
Big Cat got all selfish and had a child, so he needs to spend some time with it. That's not.
I'll come back. Wait, I'll come back.
I'll come back. After the game? Yeah.
I always do. Yeah.
I did that like five times last week. I was joking.
I'll come back. You want to come back? You want to come back tonight? I'll come back.
You just fucking gauntleted me. God damn it.
You made me seem like, yo, it looks like you're the one who didn't want to come back. Interesting.
All right. Well, that's the game three.
Good recap. Just so you know, PFT is the one who wanted to go home early.
I was ready to come back. All right.
Let's do Hot Seat Cool Throne. Hot Seat Cool Throne this week is brought to you by...
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Hank, hot seat, cool throne, go. I have so many.
Really? Yeah. Can I get one of your cool thrones? Yeah.
Give me a hint. He's in this room.
That's it. All right.
Whoa. It's probably Hank.
He wants you to say it's hank no i'll i'll do i got it thank you my hot seat is grammar first one of my first ones is grammar agreed uh unfortunately it seems like you know unlike us it seems like they haven't taught america's youths uh proper grammar youth sentence structure america's youth what words mean things of that nature. Zendaya, as you guys know, I'm sure she's one of your favorite actors.

Emmy, one of your favorite actresses. Emmy winner.
She won the Emmy in 2020. What was she in? Euphoria.
Oh, I remember Euphoria. That show was fucked.
Yeah. So she won the Emmy for Best Actress.
And then New York Post wrote an article and it said, biggest upset, Zendaya wins Emmys 2020 over Jennifer Aniston, Laura Lindley and more and there's a lot of Zendaya stans or Gloria stans whatever they were all very upset because they're like no one's upset about this like this no one's upset like this is a great thing blah blah blah they didn't understand that like biggest upset meant she wasn't favored to win the award they thought that the New York Post. The New York post was upset that Zendaya won.
I do like that. There was like an entire Stan army being like, fuck you guys for saying this.
Like it's, it's amazing that she won. I like using the term biggest upset as like a millennial or a Gen Z way to say like, this is the reason why we're so pissed off this week.
I like that, that they need something to be mad about so much that they find this imaginary thing in the phrasing. Oh, I love trapping people and be like, you guys are fucking idiots.
Yeah, I mean, reading the replies, it was like, I thought it was a joke. You're just like, this can't be.
I mean, how can you not understand grammar? But this is how language changes, Hank. This is how it how it moves along.
Irregardless is now in the dictionary because enough people misused it. 20 years from now, we're not going to have our biggest upset of the week.
We're going to have the game that makes me maddest of the week for the underdogs. 100.
Twitter is really the worst. It's now, by the way, the masks have gone to please vote, which you should vote.
But every time you tweet to vote,

every time you tweet to register to vote,

you're tweeting it to the same people

that probably have registered to vote.

Good job, guys.

You accomplished it.

And depending on who people think

you're going to vote for,

you telling people to vote

is either a good thing or a bad thing.

Yeah, it could be a bad thing.

So I say vote if you'd like.

Please vote. There you go.
My other hot seat, one of my other hot seats is PFT. He was a part of a viral tweet yesterday as well.
He tweeted about DK Metcalf on Sunday. DK Metcalf responded, kind of dunked on him, said learn how to at me and that had like...
How was that dunking? Well, it had like 70,000 favorites, like a few thousand retweets. Considerably more action than your tweet got.
He also didn't at Russ Wilson when he started the Russ for MVP thing. So he could have been saying any Russ for MVP.
It just seemed like I just saw that every time I went on Twitter. That was at the top of my feed because so many people kept retweeting it.
No, I got back to him on that. I clapped back big time.
I'm going to shut him up. But everyone was just reading the original tweet, the one that Hank's talking about.
The viral one, yeah. It doesn't surprise me that DK wants all communication to be as direct as possible.
My other hot seat, Ellen Degenerates. She came back, tried to issue an apology, was really like a sorry, not sorry, and people aren't buying it.
So she, I don't know. I don't know how she gets out of this one.
She, that was such a bullshit, like, apology. Yeah, it was like a, yeah, it wasn't an apology.
It was like, if you're upset, I'm sorry. I mean.
You know what, though? I'm okay. I think Ellen should just lean in to being the bitch of daytime TV.
Because everyone on daytime television, their entire mission is to be as likable and as nice sounding as possible so like ellen should just embrace that yeah and be like i fucking hate all the people that are working for me right now you behind the camera uh your request for time off to deal with your sick kid is denied like really just become wedgie of the day she just brings out a fucking unpaid intern and wedgies him to you know a doorknob yeah she should just become a dictator of daytime television. Yes.
The world needs to heal. Yeah, why not? She can do the charity thing, but she can do it between two people, so one of them always loses, and they get that reaction of one person wins all this money, but then they also have the other person who's equally qualified.
There would be some benefit in doing that because she, at this point, everyone who hates her, no apology would have fixed it, right? Like none. You can't apologize and expect people to be like, oh, she seemed properly remorseful.
No, they hate Ellen. They make sport out of it.
So at least give them something to hate. Give them some red meat.
Yeah. Yeah.
Lean into it, Ellen. And then my cool throne is our co-worker, Deion Sanders.
Got the coach at Jackson State going viral today. Apparently, you were saying earlier, he's trying to sniff out a rat, I guess is your theory.
That's my theory. Trying to find a rat.
So the initial tweet that was put out there, I forget who said this, who reported it, but they were saying what his staff was going to be. And they were saying he had T.O.
signed up to be wide receivers coach, Warren Sapp to be the defensive line coach, which would be insane. And I actually do think that we should do a hard knocks on Jackson State University, if that's the case.
And we should produce it. We should, like, with our brains behind this, it would be insanely electric television.
It can't miss having those personalities in the room.

But apparently it's not true.

No duh.

Deion said it's not true.

So I think he might be sniffing out a rat.

He leaked that to somebody to see if that person was going to tell the press about it.

Kind of like the whole Condoleezza Rice thing with the Browns a couple years ago.

When you see that rumor, if you ran with it, ask yourself, do you think that Warren Sapp and Terrell Owens are going to move to Jackson, Mississippi and, like, be coaches? Assistant coaches? I don't think so. I could see T.O.
doing it. Warren Sapp, no chance.
I saw Warren Sapp on Punk'd 10 years ago, 15 years ago. He does not handle new situations and new environments well.
Those guys are living the life. He also had a, at his press conference, he had a full, like, marching band.
It was awesome. It was electric.
Is that it? Yeah, well, my other one. The other clue is that he was also one of my hot seats.
Wait, I thought you said I wanted a cool throne. Right.
That's my second clue. He was also a hot seat.
Okay. PFT, go ahead.
Okay. Huh.
I'm trying to get inside Hank's head right now. I think Billy's looking like we might be accusing him of something.
But go ahead. My hot seat is the 49ers.
He doesn't see those criterias. No.
My hot seat is the San Francisco 49ers. They have injuries now to Solomon Thomas, Nick Bosa, Jimmy G, Greg Kittle, Mostert, Coleman.
All the running backs are hurt. Their MRI truck broke down in West Virginia on the way to the Greenbrier, so the Mothman is now radioactive.
Shanahan got fined $100,000 for not wearing his mask correctly, and their plane got hit on the runway in New York when they came here. So they are in final destination.
The stink bitten team of the year. They're not hurt or injured.
I think they're cursed. I think they have a curse on them.
We got to figure out if there's a way to get the curse off to 49ers. It's a Super Bowl curse.
I mean, this does happen, right? There is a curse for losing the Super Bowl. Teams do.
The hangover. Yeah, the hangover does kind of derail

teams. So how do they get rid of the hangover?

They need to lose another Super Bowl real quick.

They should, as a team and organization,

opt out of the rest of this year.

And just opt back in next year. Fresh as could

be. I think they just need

to... It's like the hair of the dog.

If you want to get rid of a hangover, you drink

a little bit more the next day. Maybe they

need to watch the Super Bowl tape tomorrow morning. Tear more ACLs.
They need to tear one more ACL. Play more on it.
They need to trade for it. Playing on the turf, the sticky turf next week.
That's true. Oh, yeah.
Fingers crossed. Knock on wood.
I don't want anyone to get hurt. No one gets hurt.
Maybe just sign Jake Butt and let nature take its course. No, well, we need Jake Butt in Denver.
That's absolutely true. So the Blake can laugh at him.
Kill a black cat. Or actually sign Tim Tebow.

Find that black cat.

Did we ever find it?

There you go.

Find the black cat at the Meadowlands and kill it.

And kill it.

And then curse removed.

Kill it.

Done.

The cat's probably got at least two torn ACLs from running across that field.

Yes.

It's probably stuck.

It's probably like a big rat trap.

It's just stuck to the field.

It's just in the blue injury tent. Are they fixing it? Getting looked out by a veterinarian.
Are they going to fix it? I don't know what you can do to fix sticky turf. Yeah, it just seems weird.
If more injuries happen on Sunday, lawsuits, baby. And we will represent anyone who wants to sue.
Yes. My cool throne is Bob Kraft because he is going to have his charges dropped against him.
I have two jokes that I've registered as trademarks that nobody else is allowed to make. He got off again.
That's joke number one. Joke number two, happy ending for Mr.
Kraft. Joke number two, both trademarked.
But Bob Kraft is not going to be facing charges any longer in the state of Florida for getting jacked off at a massage table. I mean, he had the most stressful handjob of all time.
The stress that came from that handjob. Bill Clinton could probably beg to differ.
He got sucked off. Yeah, but there was also a handjob.
Yeah, but I think you just always bump it up to whatever level. So the handjob never happened.
Right. Like if you got a blowjob but you had sex, you had sex.
But I would say that inserting a cigar would negate the blowjob. That's even one step further.
Possibly you could say that. So no handjob.
No handjob. So yeah, probably most stressful handjob of all time.
That's pretty much it right there. I think it has to be.
Probably. How quickly do you think he goes back to a new one? Maybe not that one, but a new one.
You gotta celebrate. Or do you think he maybe is like, I'm gonna be safe now.
I'm just gonna run my own. In calls only? Yeah.
I don't know. If you're a rub and tug guy like that, you don't just stop.
Or you might feel like you're above the law.

You might feel like I'm untouchable, except by massages.

Yes, yes. What a ridiculous story.

Do you have any comment, Hank?

No, I mean, I think, you know, innocent until proven guilty,

and he was never proven guilty.

There you go.

So innocent.

Yeah.

All right.

My hot seat is the Indianapolis Colts because they're playing the Jets this week.

And Adam Gay said, quote, it's time to put this thing in hyperdrive. Okay.
So watch out, Colts because they're playing the Jets this week. And Adam Gase said, quote, it's time to put this thing in hyperdrive.

Okay.

So watch out, Colts.

Jets might score 12 points.

Hyperdrive.

Hyperdrive.

Okay.

I like this.

You know what?

Yeah.

Fuck.

I'm going to have to bet on the Jets this week.

Dude.

Hyperdrive.

They're going into hyperdrive.

Like, you thought the Jets stunk.

Adam Gase was just in, he was in like third gear. Now they're in hyperdrive.
He thought the Jets stunk Adam Gase was just in he was in like third gear now they're in hyperdrive he went past fourth and fifth hyperdrive did you see my tweet what I did not see your tweet Jake sorry what did he say I found the oldest tweet which I believe is the oldest tweet former Dolphins receiver Leontay Carew calls head coach Adam Gase an offensive genius May 6 2016 okay so he's. So he's been a genius for a while.
And then didn't he only have like 30 yards receiving? Two catches in three years. Two catches in three years.
Offensive genius. That guy's trying to get a job at some point.
He's trying to. I mean, the Jets could probably use him.
Yes. But yeah, hyperdrive Jets.
Hyperdrive. Take the over, take the Jets.

That's what I'm hearing.

I'm actually, I've never heard a coach use the term Hyperdrive before.

They're in Hyperdrive.

I have no choice but to bet on them.

Yeah.

I just, imagine if they come out and they run like Chip Kelly Oregon offense.

He's like, I told you, I tried to warn you guys, Hyperdrive fucking with Sam Darnold

and Braxton Berrios.

Yes.

Hyperdrive.

Let's do it. Frank Gore is just dying.
Like, dude, I can't do this. I'm 39 years old.
All right. My cool throne is.
It's got to be something with stool streams, right? Yeah. It always is.
I think I know what it is. I mean, it is.
It always is. It's got to be Jake.
Jake's on Cool Thrones. Hank put me on the hot seat for the slander about DK Metcalf, which by the way, it's all love between me and DK.
He knows that. He knows he needs some tough coaching sometimes.
Well, he needs someone to just keep dunking on. Yes.
He can't dunk on me. He's not that tall.
I got rim. 75,000 likes.
So who it compared to? PFT. It's PFT.
For stool streams. We're playing on Thursday, but I'm going to wear sunglasses.
Got it. Because I always beat him.
No, you don't always beat me. I've beaten you more often than not.
And people say, well, the only reason you beat him is because PFT wears sunglasses, so I'm going to prove to the world that it has nothing to do with the sunglasses, and I'm just a superior ping pong player. Holy shit, he has 74,000 likes on this dude.
Yeah, dude, he dunked on you. Learn how to at me.
It's an official dunking. He just said learn how to at me.
I'll at you, DK. DK's just mad because I beat him in a race.
There was also kind of like this Zendaya thing. There was a lot of people that didn't realize that you guys have a back and forth, and they're like, fuck these fucking journalists.
I think they know what it's like. You guys do have a bit of a repertoire.
Context. ZK and I, we...
They don't know about the Instagram story wars. Buddies just bust balls.
That's what we do. So wait, Hank, you're wearing sunglasses.
I'm going to wear sunglasses on Thursday. And I'm still going to beat them.
I'm going to beat you by nine points. Ooh, nine.
Wait, in how many games? Each game, I will beat them by nine. All games.
Sweep. Sweep.
Get the broom out. A two nothing sweep sweep.
Get the broom out. Aggregate 18 points.
I'm better than Hank when I'm wearing glasses and he's not. I'm going to crush him like a bug if he's wearing glasses.
Very mean, but I like it. Billy, you're back.
What's up? How was school? Tedious. Tedious.
Okay, give us your hot seat, cool throne. People missed you.
Oh, really? No. How did you fall for that? My hot seat is sharks.
Orca whales are ripping out their testicles off the coast of South Africa. Sharks have testicles? Yeah, didn't know that.
Are they inside of them? Dude, they're just ripping them out. Wait, orca whales are ripping shark balls?

Yeah.

What?

Are they actual balls?

For what reason?

I don't know.

There's some sort of war going on in the ocean.

They're practicing eugenics.

They're disabling their ability to breed.

Dude, I have no idea.

Also, they just found a tomb in Egypt that has been opened in 27,000 years and they just opened it and there's a bunch of sarcophaguses. What's that? Those are where they keep the mummies.
Okay. So probably maybe the source of the mummies.
No, I know that. What are sarcophaguses? They're where they put the mummies.
Oh. Like the actual coffins.
Oh, God. You know, like the King Tut, like the gold thing?

Yeah, I just know the word. I'm pretty sure that's sarcophagi.

Sarcophagi.

Who needs that word?

That word is totally, I don't need that word.

I got other things I got to work on.

It exists.

Not that word.

That's like a day in lesson planning for a third grade teacher is just sarcophagus.

Yeah, like that's all that exists.

That's a show off word.

You don't need that word.

You don't need that coming out of your esophagus.

Exactly, Billy.

Anyway.

Someone's been hitting the books. Yeah.
You sound smarter. I know.
I needed it. Oh, how's your monologue going? Good.
Can you start it for us? Okay. Imagination.
That's our only escape. Wait, start it again.
Imagination. I don't think it's only.
That's our only escape. I don't think only was in there last time.
That's our escape. Yeah.
Imagination is what teaches us our limits and teaches us to grow beyond those limits. Imagination says, listen to me.
I am your darkest voice. I am the voice that wakes you up at 4 a.m.
I am what creates your nightmares. Okay, that's all I know.
But my hot seat. I know.
It's. I know.
It's a really dark monologue. I don't know what...
I'm the one who knocks. My hot seat this week is the Costco CEO.
Did you just do a reverse? What? Did you just do Cool Throne? No, hot seat with sharks. No, my Cool Throne is the Costco co-founder.
Yep. He got mad at the CEO of Costco who said, hey, we're losing money on our $1.50 beer and hot dog deal.
I think we've got to change it up. And the former, the co-founder of Costco was like, if you change that deal, I'll kill you.
And threatened his life to defend the $1.50 hot dog and beer deal. Did you add beer into that? There's a hot dog and a beer deal.
Have they been serving beer at Costco my entire life and I didn't know? No, so Billy did a really bad job of telling the story. I swear to God it was hot dog and beer.
No, I'm glad actually because I would have just looked back at a wasted 35 years if they'd sold beer at Costco. So the price hasn't changed for 35 years.
It's the hot dog and the Coke combo. Yeah.
And it's a story that was told that like years ago the costco president complained to the co-founder and ceo that uh they were losing money on the famously cheap dollar 50 hot dog and coke combo and the guy responded the ceo responded if you raise the price of the fucking hot dog, I will kill you. Figure it out.
And so then it just, from then on, it just became $150. It was $150 and never changed.
I like that, though. I like having a little bit of consistency in this world where you know no matter what else changes, you can always go to Costco and get an affordable hot dog for after you snack.
Although I am more of a fan of the, they have like a chicken cordon blue pocket, like their version of the hot pocket. It's also very reasonably priced.
Yes. Yes.
Yes. I mean, Costco, that's smart move by them.
You just go in there. Yeah.
Dollar 50. A little bonus.
Yeah. Something to bank on.
And Ikea, they sell you like horse meatballs. Right.
That's why I don't go to Ikea. I go to Costco.
um all right let's do uh oh we have two interviews so first we have coach lane kiffin before we get to that a word from our friends at mugsy jeans you've heard the name of uh from us before mugsy jeans are the only jeans we wear because they look like jeans but feel like sweatpants i wear them every single day that's no exaggeration i have 10 different pairs of mugsy jeans love, love them. We don't know how the guys at Muggsy did it, but their jeans feel like sweatpants that had sex with even more comfortable sweatpants and somehow had an awesome jeans baby.
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M-U-G-S-Y.com, use code PMT. Okay, here he is, Coach Lane Kiffin.
Okay, we now welcome on a very special guest. It is head coach of Ole Miss football.
It is Lane Kiffin, someone we've wanted to have on for a very long time. Coach, great to see you.
Great to talk to you. We're going to talk about everything, but let's start with this season.
Saturday is finally getting here. We're going to play some football.
Are you excited? How's the team looking? How are we feeling? We're jacked. We're ready to go.
A few days left here, but, I mean, so much has been put into this by so many people, you know, going from the commissioner to, you know, administration, you know, players, doctors, everything. It's really crazy how much has been put into getting things done so that these players can play it's been weird I have to assume this is a offseason unlike any that we've seen college football ever like how what percentage of your time is invested in discussing medical things as opposed to you know working on the nuts and bolts and the stuff that you usually focus on well that is unusual you know we we get medical reports now three times a week on the test.
So they test, the test comes back the next day, and you may get all of a sudden that morning you're getting ready for practice and three guys have it and six are out with close contact. So it's really crazy trying to do that.
You know, everybody wants to normally talk about, you know, how big are you, how fast are you, how strong are you, and what kind of plays you're running, offense, defense, special teams. I think more important than everything to win this year is who handles COVID the best, who handles social distancing the best, so that they can have the best players out there.
Yeah. So have you guys been like in terms of getting ready for a season?

Obviously, it's starting a little later than usual.

But have you noticed that like the team is maybe not as crisp or does it feel like it's

late August and we're about to get going?

Like you guys are ready to go sharp, coming right out of a good training camp feel.

I think we were slow initially. You know got hit uh initially pretty bad uh with positives and so they missed a lot of time uh during what i guess you'd consider training camp and we've been very fortunate here the last two weeks um i've been on been on a great run so um hopefully we keep that up so let's talk a little bit about the actual football team you guys are you guys big this year you got a big team strong fast i'm more concerned about the bigness how big are you uh we are fast um on that i don't know that i would consider us really big not you know as big as some of your typical sec teams but we have a lot of young uh talent especially on offense you know which was a part of taking this job you know seeing the roster and seeing what you know what had been recruited here are you going visor on saturday uh yeah of course okay all right we've made fun of the visor we should probably get that out of the way well so well first of all you've lost you look like you've lost weight is that true thank you that's nice yeah um nice.
Yeah. You did.
That's kind of weird, though, like hearing a guy say that. Well, we noticed these things.
Yeah, it goes into the visor talk because when you got first hired, you're wearing a visor. Maybe it was the wintertime, whatever.
PFT said the visor looks like a belt for your head, and I said you look like a guy who invites on uh his pontoon and calls it the poon tune um so just want to get that out of the way got that out of the way feels good um but you are not sure i'd have done the show if they would have told me that but that's okay yeah i mean that's funny jokes those are funny jokes um so are you do you ever think that you're not going to be a visor guy because we've had these discussions like visor guys are they Did you know you were always a visor guy? It's think that you're not going to be a visor guy? Because we've had these discussions like visor guys,

did you know you were always a visor guy?

Is it something that you were born with

or is it something that you grew into?

When I was young, my idol was Steve Spurrier.

And so that's really where it started, just trying to look like him.

And then just kind of now it's just a habit.

I mean, wearing a hat for a game or for a practice would feel really strange.

Yeah.

Yeah, have you ever considered just going like raw dog, no hat, no visor at all? Raw dog. No, I haven't because, again, I feel like the headset doesn't fit right without the visor.
I guess the only wild card is if you – It's funny to me, but aren't you the guy that like followed all my jobs and like kind of be me and get the different head jobs and wear a visor oh yeah for dougs yeah i did that i did follow all your jobs yes yeah but i the visor like i'm not a visor guy i tried to wear the visor i thought i looked stupid um i just i'm always i saw you coming out of the tunnel one time with the visor on i it's just very it it's hard for me to like – I don't understand visor guys, but it's good to know that it's something that you're just kind of – Yeah, you're born with it. It's like there's very clearly a visor guy, very clearly a hat guy.
Yeah, so I really hadn't thought about it that much. I guess I'm not really a visor guy outside of football because I really don't.
Maybe fishing once in a while, but I usually don't ever wear an vis an advisor I don't know why why that is I always wear hats so I like a hat but yet for a game or practice I would not like the feeling of a hat so it's got to do with the head so does that mean that when you wear a hat like out on the street do you feel like you're cheating on the visor no plus it draws less attention to me i feel like if i put a visor on i become more recognizable so the hat is less recognizable and i don't really like to be recognized yeah so so that's probably part of it too if i saw you wearing a hat i would probably be like that's daniel tosh or ben roethlisberger's second cousin. Right.
I did get an LAX.

I got the Ben Roethlisberger.

Ooh.

Yeah, if you grow the beard out.

Yeah.

And I think Ben's like 260, so that didn't make me feel real good.

No, but you've lost weight. So you wear the hat, and then if you were trying to not be recognized,

would you do anything else?

Change your name?

Headphones. Got it.
And then like airports or something. So then it's like people are kind of like, all right, I'm going to go up and bother him.
But no, I'm really not because he's on the phone. And I'm really maybe not on the phone.
I'm going to just pretend I'm on the phone. Right.
So I've recognized like in the last several years, you've become much more open with the media. You've been doing interviews like, doing interviews like this, letting a little personality out, kind of like, you know, Tom Brady's now in Tampa Bay, and you can kind of get a little insight as to who this person is.
Are you a little bit concerned with all the rat poison that you're going to be getting from the media gassing you up? I'm not. I think I kind of naturally was open with the media, and then I think, you know, you get burned a few times on that so maybe you like close up a little bit so um you know so I just decided when I got here to just go back to being myself is it uh you've had a career that like you know many stops and also you're kind of like a lightning rod where people like to talk about you was there a moment in time in the in the travels of your career where you're like, wow, like for some reason, I'm a coach that makes headlines.
And like you said, the media likes to talk about me. Did you have that conscious thought like, oh, man, everything I do is going to be analyzed more than other coaches? yeah I don't know why that is I'm sure it's a of factors, and, you know, but it's been that way for a long time.
Pat Hayden at USC used to call it, like, the Kiffin effect. Like, no matter what you do, it's getting tagged in a story, even if it's not even relevant to it, you know? Like, and you can say something that's going to be spun, good or bad, but it's going to be spun for sure a certain way.
So I don't really know why that is, but it's been that way for a while. I have a theory.
I think it is so you were the youngest head coach in NFL history at the time when you were hired by the Raiders. You know, an ending at Tennessee that caused riots on campus, the firing at USC.
But everything that you've done, and you've had success, you had failures, whatever, but it's all nothing like truly bad. It's all kind of been a good fun.
So it's like the fun part of sports. You know what I mean? So you, people feel like they can talk about it where there's not like some actual controversy that has followed you that it makes it not fun to talk about.
So you're, I don't know what it is, but you're just kind of a fun guy to discuss and talk about. And I also think you have a level of – you were said to be kind of an offensive genius.
And so now everyone who gets attached to you, you're like, ooh, Lane Kiffin, like he's got it in there somewhere. Ole Miss is like going to score a million points this year as far as I'm concerned.
Yeah, well, I don't know if you saw our schedule before you say a million points. We don't really

have a non-conference

schedule like they usually have here.

But yeah, I don't know.

I think sometimes maybe when people get a lot

early,

maybe people don't like

them.

Getting so much so early and

having a name in coaching

which obviously helps you you know get that stuff um for whatever reason i think that that was probably part of it too so the sec west this year is absolutely stacked with coaches just like the most entertaining group of people i think that have ever led a single conference in in a major sport here. You've got Pittman, Malzahn,

Jimbo,

Leach,

yourself, Coach O, Nick Saban.

You get all those guys in a room.

Who's the alpha?

Who's the one calling the shots?

If you guys are out to dinner, who's making the order for the table?

Well, that group's not going out to dinner, first off.

I can promise you that.

That's true. That's true.
it'd be a very stiff dinner um so I I don't know I mean in coaching especially that you got national championship coaches there's a lot of alphas in there and so it'd probably be hard to order because everybody would try to order everything and try to be the boss because they're used to being the boss so um coach would probably win though because um coach they would probably be kind of scared when coach just starts yelling at around and stands up from the table you know so i would say coach probably would would win in the end coach would probably bring his own like 600 pounds of crawfish to the table too and just dump him on the table. He still swore.
I just saw that 60 minutes the other night. He used to always tell me he's like, the day will never come that I can't bench no three plates.
No matter what. He looks like he's still doing it.
Would you say that you're closest to Coach O amongst that group? I think just obviously Coach O from, you know, working with him at USC as assistants and Tennessee and then USC again. You know, we've been through a lot.
Yeah. So what about the – I read a story once before you – Tennessee went and played Alabama, the famous Terrence Cody game, Coach O pumped everyone up before the game by throwing a projector against the wall and smashing it into a million pieces.
Can you confirm that story? And how pumped up did you get after seeing Coach O do that? Well, that's really not that abnormal. So I don't even remember.
We've broken a lot of projectors. We used to get the bill from the special teams and D-line meeting.
And that's nothing. We had chandeliers in a hotel one time before I remember that he broke.
So that probably happened. Yeah.
Yeah. And it pumped up the team.
I would assume.

I mean, you guys played a hell of a game.

Obviously the ending wasn't the way you want it to go,

but as big time underdogs coach, Oh,

he always seemed like the type of guy that could get the most out of the

players. Even if you know, you're overmatched in terms of Jimmy's and Joe's.

Yeah. I mean,

the players love to play for him and his energy that he brings every day.

It was, I mean, it was neat watching that 60 minutes the other day,

just, just seeing him still just as the same old coach. Oh,

I don't know. jimmies and joes yeah i mean the players love to play for him and his energy that he brings every day it was neat watching that 60 minutes the other day just just seeing him still just as the same old coach on the phone recruiting uh it's awesome to see somebody that hasn't changed even with the success yeah i'm going to give you a scenario here just say hypothetically big cat and i were uh we're 17 year old five-star prospects big cat's a holder i'm a kicker we could really make the difference for your team.
I thought you'd be a fullback. I could be.
Okay, fine. For this purpose, I'll be fullback.
Big Cat, what do you want to be? I'll be a holder still. Still a holder.
But we're legit. We're like blue-chip guys, okay? I thought you were infatuated with fullbacks, if I remember right.
Yeah, I am absolutely infatuated with fullbacks. I think it's the best position in sports.
But if we're in a living room, you come to our house, we're twins, and you're trying to get us, we're also being recruited by Nick Saban, by Coach O, by a lot of those guys in the SEC West. How do you differentiate your program? What is going to sell us on attending Ole Miss as opposed to going to a school that might have have, you know, just won a national championship? Well, I think there's something to come into somewhere at the beginning, you know, before it's established and before it's rolling.
And some of those places you got to wait a little longer, you know, because the rosters are more stacked like we will be in a few years. So I think sometimes you go with a new staff that hasn't had that success at the place in a few years.
You know, you got ability to play to play sooner as well and make a bigger impact, especially with name, image and likeness, you know, potentially coming up. And then how much money do you leave behind? That's going to be I'll be honest.
That's how I'm making my decision. You Can I give you a tip, though, Coach? You need to bring the powder blues back and wear the powder blues all the time.
And then just that would be – like if you came into my living room and like, hey, you can wear these, I'm in. As long as UNC isn't recruiting me, I'm in.
Yeah, well, we're wearing them for the opener for the first time ever. So, you know, I hear from our players who recruit so we're working that direction okay all right you've kind of been known as a quarterback whisperer do you like that term a quarterback whisperer uh i don't know that's kind of i don't even know that's kind of strange but i've been around a lot of really good quarterbacks that you know with a lot of really them, too.
Yeah. Yeah, I don't know who came up with the term.
Maybe quarterback guru? No, let's stick with Whisperer for this case. So as a quarterback Whisperer, how important is it to you to have a quarterback whose name sounds like he's going to be an awesome quarterback? For example, like Blake Sims.
That's a great quarterback name. John David Booty, another very strong quarterback name.
I actually thought that Montana Murphy was the best quarterback name of them all. But how important is that to you to just hear a name and you're like, yeah, that guy sounds like my quarterback? I don't know.
I mean, I think it is neat when it is, you know, just like an actor or something where they just have like the right name and it's just a pretty name. But I'm sure there's some boring names that have been really good quarterbacks before.
You guys have one this year, John Rhys Plumlee, where if you go three names in the SEC, I immediately think you're good, kind of like the John David Booty. So you got that going for you.
Yeah, that happens a lot here in the South. So you get a lot of three names here.
And a lot of times it's two first names to start yes yes i'm in for that um i have a question about your fau i don't even know if you even remember but you did a hype video for fau what was up with that one did you did you think you nailed it because you didn't nail it um but did you think you nailed it was it one take Yeah, we did that on purpose. Okay.
It was great. Okay.
When would FAU ever be on SportsCenter for just some little commercial? So we did it so bad, all right, that later that day it's on SportsCenter. How else does that happen? Genius.
It's very smart. Okay, so you're genius.
That's great. That's great to know that that was – and it was just enough believable where it's like, I think they're not joking, but there you go.
The answer to that is you did it on purpose, and it worked perfectly because I agree. Like, that one went viral.
Yeah, the owls. Yeah.
The FAU. It's really exciting here.
Buy your season ticket. It's perfect.
Yeah. It's perfect.
And then not long after that, I remember you got obsessed with Bitmojis for a while. Are you still obsessed with Bitmojis? I grew out of that.
I kind of matured out of that a little bit. Were you updating your own Bitmoji? Because it looked a lot like you.
Yeah, I don't know how to do that. Someone does that for me.
You had a Bitmoji guy. Yeah, I forgot about that.
Yes, it was like everyone's mom and Lane Kiffin were in on Bitmojis for a period there. Cool.
So I want to go back to USC. The first time you were at USC, when you have all that talent around you, you're a tight end coach, wide receiver coach, offensive coordinator, passing game coordinator.
Was it like when you have that much talent, does it make it easier or harder for a coach? Because harder in the fact that everyone's expecting something or easier, you can just roll it out and be like Matt Leiner, Reggie Bush, go out and play. Way easier.
I would never complain about having great players. And so, and I've said it a bunch, you know, whether it's with Sarkeesian or other coaches that we had, like – or Coach O.
You don't – especially when you're young, you can't appreciate something like that when you're in it. I try to tell our players, you know, when we're on a good run somewhere, you know, to really enjoy it.
But you really can't because you're in it and you just kind of go, yeah, this is neat. But now that I look back years later, I mean, that run, 34 straight wins, you know, and one play here or there from, you know, beating Texas for three straight national championships.
I mean, three Heisman winners in four years, and that just doesn't happen. And so we knew it was neat at the time, but now that you look back, it really was amazing.
Yeah, I've been part of two great ones. And go to Alabama, and, you know, when we left there, I think we'd won 26 straight games, you know, and then the national championship was later that month.
But just really, really fortunate and so many cool players and great programs. You mentioned one or two plays that kept you just short.
One of those plays I would have to imagine is the misguided downfield lateral. Have you thought that maybe incorporating some design downfield laterals into your offense would give you that next step that maybe some teams are going to come to copy five, ten years from now? Because I actually think that if there's a smart offensive coach that can work out, you know, not just the hook and ladder play, but some other plays that incorporate downfield pitches, I think that that would really open up an offense and kind of be the future of football.
Have you considered any of that? I've actually thought about it, but ball security, you know, for years has been taught you know and preach so much but if you would play more like you play in the park or like people play video games i bet you you'd be better in some areas you know like you catch it and guys are there you just throw it over there you know just like you would have playing football or playing in the park you know but we don't do that because you know ball security but I do think there is something to that. So along that same line,

uh, or playing in the park you know but we don't do that because you know ball security but I do think there is something to that so along that same line um it feels like football now we're having this discussion on Sunday actually how it's changed and coaches are more willing to go for it on fourth down because the analytics have been proven and the fan bases and the media accept it more whereas like 25 years ago you just never went for it on fourth down because you get killed for it have you felt that as a coach the difference in like if i go for on fourth down there'll actually be a lot of people who have my back here versus 15 years ago when you're coaching it's like no we can't do this yeah not even 15 or 25 i'd say four five years ago, people still weren't doing it. So we started getting some analytics actually at USC, but it wasn't near what it is now.
And so I think the ability that you have it on paper and you can refer back to that, you know, I just looked at the charts, what, you know, is what they like to say to do. I think that makes coaches feel more comfortable and because people are doing that the media is more accepting of it and especially in college I don't understand I've never understood college media you see some of the worst game management ever at major programs in college football and it's like nobody says anything in the NFL you get killed that night for it you know in in the next day in the paper or during the broadcast.

I've never understood that, why people get to slide with such terrible clock management and management of situations

in college versus the NFL.

Do you have a clock guy, a guy who just specializes in game scenarios

and advises you when to use a timeout, when not to?

No, I don't have that, but I do have a book guy, guy that is is in the analytic book you know so on third down as soon as it goes maybe it's third and eight on the minus 42 he says a four or less you're going for it you know so I do have that from an analytic standpoint but you know the timeouts and stuff like that I hope that I've got that figured out. You should just invent a clock guy, like a clock management guy.
He doesn't even exist. But that way, if anybody questions you about your late game clock management, you can be like, yeah, that's Greg, my clock guy, so he's an expert on all this stuff.
I defer to him. And then if things don't go well, then you can fire Greg halfway through the season and take over clock duties from him.
That's actually a great idea. Yeah, just make employees up.
Just name the guy Big Cat. We're like, the big cat upstairs.
That would work. Do you have a holdback guy? Yes, our strength coach is a get-back guy.
Okay, that's a good choice. But you've been doing Pilates, like you said, before you came on.
So do you think he's got to – think he's gotta like you gotta be worried that he's not gonna be able to hold you back now that your core is just fucking rocking right now yeah but he's like 26 and he's like really ripped so um it'll be all right and i i usually don't need to get held back usually defensive if you think about it choosing defensive coaches defensive head coaches or defensive partners they're usually the worst ones that going on the field yeah I actually didn't think about that but that's true um do you get do you get excited like does the hair stand on your arm stand up on your arm when you call a trick play or trick plays coming and you know like here we go let's do something special here yeah I think more than trick plays is when it's something that like you call for an exact coverage exact situation and then you get that that's when I think it's really cool because you help the player score versus just oh I hand it off and the guy made the guy miss that happens all the time to people and I just say you know coaches get all excited they're celebrating well we didn't even block the linebacker but he made the guy miss and I still always say on the headset I'm like I don't know why you guys are so excited that's called good recruiting that's not good coaching right right but the cool coaching to me is when you know you really scheme something up versus exact thing and you can tell before the snap or you actually audible from the sideline like you whistle you check something for the quarterback you audible it for him as a coach and then it works to get to you, you know, against what's being played. That's pretty cool to me.
You mentioned fullbacks earlier, and, yeah, it is my favorite position by far. We're a big fullback podcast here.
We invented the college football award known as the Loman Award, the Loman Trophy that goes to the nation's top fullback. Are you going to be utilizing fullback in your offense this year? We are not, sad to say, and I really do appreciate the fullback, and we had it forever.
We had the best one ever. Tom Rathman, actually.
Yeah, great fullback. Running back coach at the Raiders.
And so one of the great ones, Lorenzo Neal. Fresno State right before I did.
But we've just moved to tempo, and we're more spread now. And so we've just kind of fallen by the wayside, unfortunately.
You should just get one really jacked guy. Have him just be a walk-on, the strongest person in the weight room on campus, list him as a fullback, give him a huge-ass neck roll just for the intimidation factor, and all he does is just stand on the sideline.
We had that at Alabama, and he actually works here now as one of our assistant coaches michael newswinder he let he was the fullback for derrick henry and he was 46 they called him highway 46 he said everybody just drive behind highway 46 he was a walk-on kid that works for us now here um awesome story that's fantastic uh so talking about alabama real quick I want to go back, maybe not a great memory, but Western Kentucky, Alabama, 38-10, fourth quarter, 45 seconds left. Coach Saban rips you a new one.
Are you thinking in your head like this is going to get replayed a million times on SportsCenter and I'm going to be trending on Twitter in a minute here? I really wasn't because he does that all the time. So I really wasn't thinking anything about it being a big deal.

I was just like, oh, this is, you know, it's Saturday and this just happened Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. So what's the big deal? I really didn't think much of it at all.
Okay. Okay.
Because that one, yeah. If you actually pay attention to it, the fumble happens before they score.
He doesn't lose his mind when the fumble happens on me. He loses his mind when they score a touchdown against the defense.
That's when he really loses his mind. Right.
So that's more about results over process. That's affecting staff now.
Now the defense just got affected. Yes.
and i think that the reason why everyone talked about it was because it was 38 to 10 with like 40 seconds left the game had been over for a very long time and saban is losing his mind was there ever uh is there ever a calm nick saban is there ever like a chuckle Nick Saban, like kicking it back with the boys and having a few laughs?

Or is he just intense all the time?

I would never say that I've seen him kick it back with the boys.

That's for sure.

Maybe turn the volume up on the Weather Channel.

He does watch the Weather Channel every morning, actually,

now that you say that, because he comes into the staff meeting in the morning

and he'll already know the weather. He's like, well, on the Weather Channel, it said it's going to rain today.
So he does watch channel every morning actually now that now that you say that because he comes into the staff meeting in the morning and he'll already know the weather so well on the weather channel it said it's going to rain today so he does watch that every morning what was that interview process like with him when when you're going down there i read that you spent about a week uh going over the offense watching film before you actually did the interview i don't know if that's true or not but um what was the what was the process like when you're trying to become the offensive coordinator at alabama uh I had been there after I got fired at USC. Didn't have much to do.
So he actually offered that I could come out there like a lot of coaches do and just watch practice and hang around and stuff. Then after the season, when they had a job opening, then he flew me back there for an interview.
And it's pretty extensive. And you meet with the whole staff and with him and have dinner with him so um pretty extensive interview process like are there actual questions about what you know what type of plays would you run in this scenario or is it just getting to know if he can work with you because I have to assume that you have you know a pretty big body of evidence of what you've done for offenses in the past yeah he's you know to his credit that to his credit, that's not how coach works.
Doesn't matter what you've done. So you still come in there and you interview, you go on the board, he asks you, how do you detect this coverage? What do you do here? So that's why he's so good at things.
The ending at USC, are you, is there a part of you, like when you get on the team plane, you like try to run up the stairs to be like, all right, got on, like I'm on, they can't kick kick me off now. Or, like, do you get nervous about being on tarmacs? Is there something that has psychologically left with you since that incident? Well, I had no clue.
So I got on the plane because we were flying back after the game. I had no clue it was happening.
You know, I mean, we lost the game, but we were still 3-2, and we were down 30 scholarships. And so I'd been told, hey, we understand this stuff's going to happen.
Look at history. Look at Miami when they had it.
You basically get the death penalty, probation and 30 scholarships. You ain't winning a lot of games.
So we were 28-15 at the time. I had no clue.
So maybe I'm naive. So that happened once we landed, and then I got off to get on the bus to go back to the office and actually sleep at the office to get started on the next opponent.
And that's when I got pulled off the bus. And the rest is history.
I mean, that's kind of a bullshit way to get fired. I would say that's not really fair.
I think that makes you a sympathetic figure in that instance. I also like the fact that you're about to sleep at your office.
That's the ultimate football guy. Yeah, I mean, you know, I felt bad we lost.
It was whatever, 3 o'clock in the morning. So I used to go home, just go back to the office, sleep on the couch, and get ready to get going.
Obviously, you're excited about this upcoming season right now. So am I.
I'm wishing all the best for you at Ole Miss. I think that you guys will be fun to watch.
We play this game with everybody. We ask every single guest that we have on the show this question.
Let's just say it is March 1st of 2021. Ole Miss is national champions.
how does Lane Kiffin, head coach of the New York Jets, sound to you? Oh, terrible. That's the correct answer.
Correct answer. That actually tells me you've got great instincts.
Yes. Have you seen their roster? Is it – is it – you've done NFL.

Are you a college football coach for life now?

Like is it – I would imagine that the NFL just being a different beast altogether.

I would think so.

I've always enjoyed college more, especially after, you know, coming back to it

and as you get older just working with kids.

And, you know, there's a lot of neat things about the NFL.

A lot of people love it. You know, you get a lot of of free time and don't work in offseason hardly at all anymore um but you know i enjoy the recruiting i enjoy the different seasons of college football yeah my last question for you it's about a tweet that you had this was i think maybe a year ago you tweeted out a meme with kim jong- said, breaking news, Kim Jong-un has turned down the University of Tennessee job.

First of all, great meme.

Second of all, you followed it up by saying you did not know who Kim Jong-un was.

Do you now know who Kim Jong-un is?

I just didn't know maybe what his title was.

I just thought it was funny.

I like your shoot from the hip guy on Twitter.

That's what coaches need to be.

Yeah, coaches aren't like that. I'm just thinking of myself as a normal person on Twitter.
So I know people make a big deal of it, but life's too short to really worry that much about what you retweet and is it proper and all that. I mean, come on, guys.
I mean, the state of Mississippi has a meme off on their hands between you and then obviously Mike Leach is a real big meme guy as well. Have you compared notes? I have not.
I love Leach. He's awesome.
Always have. You know, we were together in the Pac-12, so league meetings and getting to know him.
And he's unique. But I do like that he don't give a shit.
I do like that part. Yes.
All right, my last question. So you confirmed an alias but denied the alias that everyone jokes about you said that joey freshwater was not your alias jimmy chestnut was i want you to be able to now at this point tell us that it actually was joey freshwater because jimmy chestnut sounds lame joey freshwater is the coolest name like out there yes it is if i said that I was joking when I said Jimmy, I think I said to you one time, yeah, and my buddy's name is Jimmy Chestnut.

I think that's what I said.

Okay.

So you were Joey Freshwater.

Joey Freshwater is a great name.

Now, that name actually started when my kids were young.

And so dad, everybody turns around dad and they're not going to say Lane you know obviously so I said and their friends would come over so instead of saying Mr. Kiffin we're at the you know we're at Target or movies and everybody turns around like you know wants to talk to you and realize so there's a coach you know coach Kiffin so I told their their friends they all called me and just hey my name is Joey so they still to this day call me Joey even though now they're like in 10th grade now, but they still called me and just hey my name is joey so they still to this day call me joey even though now they're like and now they're like in you know 10th grade now but they still call me joey when i come back around that's actually where that started i don't know where the freshwater part came up with i don't know i can't remember that part that's i i hope that you coach for long enough that you someday actually recruited joey freshwater because that like the odds eventually you'll find one, right? And you'll have to give him a scholarship, and then everything will be complete.
You win a national title with Joey Freshwater in 25 years and ride off in the sunset. That would actually be really cool.
If someone read that story and they named their kid Joey Freshwater, that'd be awesome. It's probably happened.
There probably is some kid. It's probably happened because someone's last name is Freshwater probably, but maybe they have a last name like Anderson, but then they named the kid Joey Freshwater Anderson.
Yes. He just goes by Joey Fresh.
I bet you that there are at least six five-year-olds in the state of Alabama right now named Joey Freshwater XYZ. Probably animals for sure.
Yes. Yeah.
Yeah. I get all the time like, oh, I named my dog Lane.
I'm like, oh, that's cool. It's a sweet compliment.
I named my kitty Kiffin. Well, coach, this has been awesome.
Best of luck this year. We'd love to have you back on anytime.
Well, you have to come back on now whenever we ask because you're a recurring guest. We appreciate it.
I'm so happy that you confirmed the FAU. I don't know if you'd have done that before, but the FAU video, which is still one of my favorite videos.
But best of luck this year. It was great talking to you, and we will be rooting for Ole Miss now.
Well, we're rooting for L for LSU over Ole Miss I hope you understand Coach O's still our guy but I think you become number two in the SEC West what who's number two Leach I think it's number I yeah I don't know I think I think you're number two I think you're number two I bet I stayed on longer than Leach you know we had like technical difficulties you, technical difficulties, you know? Yeah. No.
Well, Leach stayed on longer, but only because he pauses between every single sentence as he thinks of, like, another fact about an animal. Well, and Leach also stayed on longer because he wanted to talk about what's the law in Texas that he...
Oh, the sovereign immunity. Sovereign immunity.
Sovereign immunity. We did about 35 minutes about sovereign immunity with Coach Leach.
He just wants his money from Texas Tech. You know what? Here's what we'll do.
All right. Here it is.
LSU is our number one in the SEC West. That's clear.
Because Coach O is our guy for a long time. We're not going to change allegiance there.
This year's Egg Bowl decides if we're Coach Giffen or Coach Leach, guys. Let's go.
I'm on it. I'll take the bet.
Okay. Love it.
All right. Well, thanks so much, Coach, and best of luck, and we'll talk soon.
All right, guys. Have a great week.
All right. See you.
Take care, Coach. That interview with Lane Kiffin was brought to you by our favorite friends at 3Chi.
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You guys in the office? You guys in the studio right now? Use 3Chi? Oh, yeah. Hank? Hell yeah.
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So you can make your homemade edibles with those. And you can use promo code PMT at checkout get five percent off your order promo code PMT at checkout five percent off your order must be 21 to purchase and now here's Morton Anderson the Great Dane all right we now welcome on recurring guests Morton Anderson our good friend PFT's coach My guru guru whisperer morton uh good to see you good to talk to you we want to get you on because well it's been corrected but we would i think it's going to pop up again why every kicker seems to suck now in the nfl with no one in the stands so can you give us at least a little insight into that there's's no adversity.
There's no dynamic. There's no, you know, you need a dynamic environment to excel in the world of suck.
There's no world of suck. It's a sterile environment.
So you're saying it's easier for kickers to go out there if they have, you know, 60,000 people that feel strongly one way or another about them? Yeah. Yeah.
You want to, you want to have them, you want to get interaction. You want people to react, whether it's good or bad really is irrelevant.
But the fact is that when you're out there, you should feel alive and not like you're in a mouse in a laboratory. But isn't it kind of similar to practice? You know, you don't have fans around at practice and a lot of the kickers, you hearers, you hear about them being money during the week, not missing a kick, and then on Sunday they go out and they stink.
Yeah, yeah, PFT. But do you remember when you came to Atlanta and worked out with me? Yeah.
What did I tell you about practice? You said you can control the things that you can control, your preparation and your effort level. I said, you got to bleed in peace.
So,

so you don't have to bleed in war.

I said to you that you have to make it uncomfortable in practice.

So what I did,

okay.

So to my point earlier,

you got to tell your 80 teammates or whatever you have 50 now,

50,

a couple of fifties,

right?

You got to yell and scream at you. You have six live kicks, let's say doing practice.
They got to, they got to talk about your mama. They got to, whatever it takes, they got to make it uncomfortable.
So if you got a lineman right next to you, when you're trying to, you know, make it, make it through the pipes, that's as real as real as it gets yeah so i mean you did bring that up when we were down in atlanta you would have me like put myself in a situation inside my own head okay here it's uh 30 yard line 12 seconds left quarterback just spiked the ball you have to go out and take the kick right now like it's an actual game situation So what you're saying is you should have the opposing defense in practice start screaming at you and yelling at you because I would imagine that you can hear more of that on the playing field right now during a game than you could ever before. So the kickers can actually hear the shit talk coming from the opposition.
That's right. So just make it as tough as you can, as real as you can in practice.
And it's actually going to be worse, you know, in practice for you. It's going to be more difficult for you in practice than it is in the games right now.
It's a, it's a very sterile environment. It's very weird to watch as a fan.
I mean, it's, uh, it's eerie, you know, and, uh, but, but it's good for a lot of other things, you know, what, what was the worst, what was the worst game you ever had? How many kicks did you miss in the worst game you ever had? Like I missed a three in one game. I think it was the opening season 19.
It was right after our super bowl, which was 99. So in 1999, we were playing the Vikings, which we had beaten the NFC championship game.
And I think Gary and I together missed like five or six kicks in that game. It was just absolutely horrible.
Okay. And this was at home in the Georgia Dome.
So there was a lot of booing. So I ask that because we watched last week, Monday Night Football, Steven Gostowski missed three kicks.
And it becomes, as a viewer, you're watching it, and it takes on almost – it's almost bigger than the game, the plot of will the kicker miss the next kick. So when you're in that spot and you've had a game where you're off, are you standing on the sideline being like, I hope we don't ever have to kick again.
I hope my number doesn't get called because something's going on in my head right now, and I don't know what it is. No, I'm salivating at that point because I know that I, you know, I know I screwed it up, so I got to get back in there.
I got to get that nasty taste out of my mouth, and so I'm salivating, you know. Now, it happens the second time, and you're like, hmm that's that's interesting that usually doesn't happen to me that's like not normal so I kind of chalked it up to that's not normal that's never going to happen again then it happened the third time and you know then I was kind of glad the game was almost over right right at that point you know you chalk it up to an L it's it's just a bad day at the office yeah it does happen yeah but the weird thing was I missed three kicks all kinds of different ways you know it was I pushed one I pulled one I hit one like a knuckleball so it was a really weird day for me so how did you how did you go on 382 games yeah yeah one yeah so how did you go into the next game to fix it of 382 games, you know, one.
So how did you go into the next game to fix it? Or were you at the point where, like you said, chalk it up to an L, it's never happened anything close to this before, so I assume it won't happen again? Or did you take some sort of, like, active measure to fix what was broken? I just went back to basics, PFT. You know what I did? I just went back and looked at the film.
Very simple. I went back and looked at film when I balled, when I hit them, when I was piping them.
And I just looked at like 10 to 12 kicks. I said, all right, that looks smooth.
That looks good. I didn't overanalyze because I knew it wasn't a pattern.
It was just one of those things. I can can't explain it i didn't overanalyze i

didn't overthink it right i just said okay that was i'm over three that game i think i was once before maybe that game so that's that's a bad day at the office now everybody else is talking about it i can't do anything about that but i can do anything i can do a lot about game two you know when i'm coming back and i think i went i think i'm bald actually i don't know if i had a game winner in the next game. We could

look it up. 1999, game

two, Falcons.

So you know, when I'm coming back. And I think I went – I think I balled, actually.
I don't know if I had a game winner in the next game. We could look it up.
1999, game two, Falcons. So what about, though, with Kostowski especially? Week two, he kicks – he misses an extra point, then he hits a 51-yarder and he hits a 49-yarder for the game winner.
What's going on there where the short ones are harder than the long ones? Like, no sense no you know when i've always and i think i told you this pft too uh when we talked about 50 artists or that wasn't really relevant for you no i'm not trying to insult you or anything just you know you did yeah just a fact i mean it was 30 you're mr 35 i told you you had to be money inside 40. But to answer your question on the 51 and the 40, so I always thought about, like, to fool myself into thinking that it was a shorter kick, I would always say, like, a 50-yarder is like a 45-yarder with a little bit of room to spare, you know? Okay.
So, man, does kind of make, you know, you have a 10 foot pot, but it's kind of, you know, it's kind of a, it's a two foot pot with an eight foot lag. I like that.
I like that. That's a good way to mentally think about it because this stuff is fascinating to me.
Uh, kickers psychology, we joke about it, but when you are, when it it's going bad you probably have to play tricks on your own mind to figure out a way to get it going good well you do and you got to have a system you got to go ahead you always have to have a happy place you can go to and i you know so when you miss three in a game you can go and look at some film or you can go and look at some experiences that's why when you're a young guy and you don't have skins on the wall you know it's tough to go back and look at successes because you don't have any you might have some in college and you can certainly go back and look at film from that but until you get some skins on the wall you know it's tough to uh to revert back to that happy place and so i just had a few things, a few tools, a few coping mechanisms, if you will, that helped me when, you know, when everything, when the shit hit the fan basically. And so, and it didn't do it that often.
You know what I mean? It was basically pretty, pretty darn consistent, 80% through throughout my career. So eight out of 10 times I stepped on the field, I had success.
I'm pretty pleased with that. You know what I mean? Yeah.
So your happy place was just memories of you doing things correctly on the football field. You had a very full spank bank of successes that you've had.
Just kinesthetics, feel. I was a big, you know, I liked looking at looking at film but also knew it has to feel right on the foot it feels kind of effortless and and the motion through the ball feels effortless i mean look at uh butker with cancer city the other night it was almost like a jugs machine yeah yeah i mean he he's got a 53 yard he pipes it oh there's a five yard penalty.
Oh, he pipes that all those time out or, you know, he hits three in a row from 53 plus. I mean, it was huge.
And it just looked effortless to me. Yeah.
When you can go there and free your body up with breathing. And we talked PFT.
We talked about the breathing part. Yeah.
Can't hold your breath when you're trying to do something like kicking a football in the NFL game. You've got to exhale.
And exhale and then bring that breath control through the ball. That's what you want.
So the end of that game when Bucker hit those two 58-yarders back-to-back, the second one I feel like it looked like it would have been good from 68 yards. Have you noticed that these kickers are making these field goals with so much room to spare? Do you think that there's going to be some coaches that start kicking, you know, 65-yard field goals the way that we used to kick 55-yard ones? I think we're going to see a 70-yard field goal.
I wouldn't be surprised if it was this year. Ooh, okay.
I like that. Mile high or anywhere? No, it doesn't matter it's not gonna have to be at elevation the way i mean the way butker hit that's 58 that that that had another 10 on it is it easier or harder to kick it on the new turf that you see in all these new stadiums you know i actually, Vegas has grass, but the new turf.

Yeah, it is beautiful.

The new turf that's open in L.A., like what is that for a kicker?

Is that easier or harder to kick off of?

I like artificial turf.

We had astroturf.

They don't have that anymore.

They have field turf now that mirrors grass a little more.

I love the astroturf because the ball sat up hindside and it was just a just a clean surface you know i mean you got a good look at the ball the ball didn't sink into the grass or the mud or and more the one of the things i was mostly concerned about when i kicked was my plant foot is my plant foot solid or is it sliding because if my strike point changes which is you know whatever happens to my plant foot if it slides my strike point on the ball is going to change because it might go lower you know if the ball if my foot slits forward now I'm in a position you know where at the moment of truth when you have to hit the ball and your body position has to be perfect it It's not because of something that happened on your plan side. That's why there's a lot of moving parts, and that's why it's so fascinating.
That's why the place-kicking position is just as important as the quarterback. Maybe more.
Yeah, more important. I would say more important.
That's a nice thing you've told yourself. Patrick Mahomes would not be shit without harrison buckler patrick mahomes needs to take at least 400 million dollars of his contract and give it to harrison and give it to the kicker absolutely gave 100 million to but because who won the game right good point very good bailing him out very good point uh when you were kicking or just maybe in general do you think do you find that backup quarterbacks or punters make for better holders? Punters because you have more time with them.
Yeah, they don't have to be practicing all this stuff. Right.
You can go, you know, the backup quarterback is going to hold the clipboard and he has to know the plays in case the starting guy goes down. So he's over there paying attention to offensive drills where the kicker and the punter and the long snapper will go off on their own and, and drink a Gatorade.
And, and Hey man, how was your night? You know, what kind of move, what are you watching on whatever, you know, did you check out that podcast? You know, that great Dane nation man with more than us. No sweet, you know, stuff like that.
Um, so we, we have time as a kicker and partner.

We'll just go and grind for an hour and a half,

and then we get called over for five minutes, you know,

for our little moment of fame with the whole team.

And that's where I want the guys to yell at me and tell me names

so it can be as real as a game.

Yeah.

All right, so I had one last question.

Falcon, you live in Atlanta.

You are a Falcon.

Are the Atlanta Falcons cursed?

Well, they have to understand that when you're on the hands team and receiving an onside kick you don't have to wait for the ball to go 10 yards you can go and get that ball you don't you don't dance around it like you know it's a bonfire but you guys are cursed but other than that yeah other than that even that like well that was just that that wasn't a bonfire. But you guys are cursed.
But other than that, yeah, other than that, even that. Well, that wasn't a smart play.
Somebody didn't brief them on the rules. Yeah, but there are several examples of things like that that have happened over the course of the last 30 years of the Atlanta Falcons.
So, I mean, I think that a curse probably has to come into play at some point, right? I didn't go to the Super Bowl with him, so we did okay that year in 99. Well, I mean, you didn't win it.
Eugene Robinson. The curse.
I know, but, you know, I mean, you're still, you know, you're the best loser. That's true.
That's true. They are the world champions of losing.
I just look into the curse. Just try to figure out what's going on there so that maybe we can get this curse fixed.
Like, you can't – if you don't know that you're cursed, you're just going to keep being cursed. I don't know if it's cursed or not, guys.
I think a lot of it is self-inflicted, and it's some circumstance. Are the Jets cursed? Probably.
Yeah, definitely. I'd say yes.
You know, I just think it think it's about performance guys and that happens on the practice field i know it sounds kind of old school but i i believe i do believe that man i believe that you're in the right to play the game at its highest level and and on the practice field through the week and when you show up on game day you have to bring it You have to bring your full attention to that moment and to for those three hours i don't care what position you're playing that's a high performance business man it's not uh it's not peewee football and you got to know the rules and you got to know what your role is in specific game situation football is so specialized now. And one game, good or bad, can lose it for you.

I mean, we've... specific game situation football is so specialized now and one game can go to bad can lose it for

you i mean with countless situations and examples from each and every game every week where one

stupid play or somebody didn't know it or you know defensive back decided to hook a receiver

or tight end and got a stupid pi you know i mean an onside kick that's not recovered because

Thank you. Defensive back decided to hook a receiver or tight end and got a stupid PI, you know.
I mean, an onside kick that's not recovered because do guys not know the rule? Or are they not taught to go to the football and recover it? And then the game's over? You know, so there's lots of things. The curse is put on yourself by bad performance it becomes habitual it becomes winning just like losing is a habit and uh it can go either way for you you have to decide proactively if you want to be winning or losing uh during week one was there like a small part of you that thought maybe I'm going to get a call? Maybe, maybe they're going to ask more than just strap it up one more time.
I just turned 60. That would be, uh, that would be iconic, man, to get a call and then go out there and pull a hand on the first one.
Did you, did you fantasize about that though? Did you allow your brain to think like, what if I get that call? No, I'm 13 years removed guys. I'm, guys.
I'm sitting here with earphones on like you guys now. I love what I'm doing.
I don't know. I mean, I love talking about it.
Don't get me wrong. I love having cool guests on and talking to Archie Manning.
I love talking to Trent Green, who's really interested. He's in the booth now.
And I, you know, Franco Harris and all the guests we're going to have on this year. I just, I can't see myself playing anymore.
I mean, that, my niece won't do it. And so when the physical limitation kind of tells you can't do it, then mentally, you know, you follow.
There's so many other things, great things in life right now, geez the covid isn't that fun yeah you know so yeah so i'm just i'm working out every day guys um having a blast and uh and doing my my great day in broadcast on vegasinsider.com slash podcast that's what we're doing love it and it's fun the great podcast you guys yeah yeah guys you know yeah and and learning learning from the best guys and it's uh it's it's a lot of fun man it's it's uh you're never too old to learn right that's true to learn never too old to make mistakes but never too old to improve and i think as an athlete it's the's the same thing. When you stop improving, then you're cursed.

You're trying to get into my job.

I'm trying to get into your old job.

This is my last question because the XFL tryouts are coming up.

I'm trying to get into your job.

They are coming up.

No, no, but listen to the Great Dane podcast.

You're an excellent broadcaster, obviously.

I need to listen to the one with Archie Manning

because that sounds fascinating to me.

But I've got my tryouts coming up again in February for the XFL. It's under new management.
Don't know if you heard. The Rock is involved.
He wants to play. Billy is going to be my strength and conditioning coach here.
He's our intern. I feel like I've lost some legs.
I got up to 46 yards before the pandemic or at the start of the pandemic. I saw the virtual.
I saw your virtual workout. I was drilling the virtual kicks.
Since then, I have been able to lift weights. I've been on the Peloton exercise bike, so I've probably lost some distance.
I'd like to get that back. Can you advise Billy as to what specific? Get in a pool.
Yeah, and then start running. get yourself a flotation belt and start doing some aqua jogging, interval training.
Aqua jogging. I thought you were going to say get a flotation device and just hang out in a pool.
I can do that too. You need a belt, and then you need these two helmets that water can flow through, and it gives you resistance.
Google – I can't remember what the website is, but it's aqua jogging. Just Google aqua jogging and you'll get a plethora of information.
Aqua jogging helmets. And get in a pool in the deep end and start moving around and do interval training.
Combined with, you can keep the peloton. That's okay.
Just don't do long distance. Do some explosive stuff.
There's a test you can do to know to find out your power it's called the bruce the bruce bruce test i gotta get a bruce test you gotta get a bruce test yes i want to see what kind of power you can create in three to five seconds actually shorter than that for kicking that's perfect we're just looking for explosive bursts from you not i'm not looking for steady state i'm looking for you know quickness and power explosiveness because billy was telling me front squats do i need to do front squats and power clean don't load your spine don't don't have him load your spine no no no no no my spine needs to stay clean i'm gonna do i'm gonna lunges. I'm going to do it.
Do lunges and step ups and side straddles and Eric Haydn's, you know, the skating lunch. Yeah.
Skating lunches, side to side, do all that. Okay.
So I'm going to get back up to 46 yards. Then we'll be money.
I'll be in touch. We'll be in touch about.
You'll get a 50, 51 yarder, which is a 46 yarder with five. There it is.
That's all it is. That's the psychology.
I love it. I love it.
Yeah, Morton, thank you so much. Everyone go listen to Morton's podcast.
Great day nation. Uh, be well, and hopefully we'll see you soon.
Insider.com guys. Please check that out.
Love it. Love it.
Well, thank you so much. You guys.
All right. Take care.
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That's MeUndies.com slash take. Okay, let's wrap up.
We got guys on chicks. Billy's List is back.
Thank you, Billy. Appreciate that.
We got actually to a lot of it. Robert Kraft.
Bobby Schmurda reportedly denied parole. No more happy endings for Bobby Schmurda.
Mask fines are being levied left and right in the NFL. I don't really...
I feel like they shouldn't even tell everyone that they're levying the fines because they should... Aren't they doing it for...
What's levying mean? Like putting the fine down. Like giving them the fine.
So aren't they doing it though for the visual, like the optics? It's just for the visual. Right, but...
Because all the coaches are tested, all the players are tested, the players aren't wearing masks, so the coaches are... It's just because it's not a good look in Roger Goodell's eyes, which is the most NFL thing ever.
But so then, going under that thought of it's all for visual, shouldn't they not publicly talk about finding people for masks because they want to give the visual that the coaches are doing it on their own volition well yeah like they're basically saying we're making you wear a mask or we're going to find you a hundred thousand dollars now the visual is out the window they should also just not talk about it because that way we won't all be thinking oh yeah that's right that coach wasn't wearing a mask right you know the visual though is gone now because they're basically you're saying we are forcing you to wear it which i'm fine with but just don't then say They're forcing you to wear it I do like Andy Reid's new mask Really the coaches that have the visors I think that they're the smart ones Because you don't have to worry about pulling it up and down I hope the next step is Andy Reid should have a heads up display On his visor like a fighter pilot has On the glass where he has plays that scroll up. Like his play sheet is in front of him in like a...

Teleprompter.

Yeah, in like neon green.

Yes.

And he gets to like just talk to his mask

and select through it like he's a minority report.

He'll have like a windshield wiper eventually on that thing too.

I just think like a fighter pilot heads up display

with a radar lock on certain plays would look awesome.

Yeah, but that's it.

So let's do guys on chicks.

We'll get...

We'll finish up.

We just teased it. Friday, we're going to have Neil deGrasse Tyson on, which is going to be awesome.
Really, really fun. And then also some college football with our friend Andy Staples.
But let's finish up with some guys on chicks. My boyfriend of two years is a casual gambler that works himself up to yelling at the screen every Sunday.
He's been talking about gambling nonstop for two years. So finally, I decided to try it it and now I'm hooked.
Since I've started giving him picks, he's been pouting saying I'm ruining the fun. Now he doesn't gamble anymore and says I should stop.
Should I break up with him since he's being a sore loser or should I stop gambling with him? I think you need to get on the same page with your bets. I think that if I'll put it this way, the biggest fights that we have ever had as a podcast on Part of My Take come when somebody is betting on the other side against the other person.
That's who. Oh yeah, that's who, betting against the other person.
You're right. The bets are what we're talking about.
And besides that, we have a pretty good relationship on the show. But if you find yourself taking the same side of every bet, then you win together lose together and the couple that loses together i think would stay together it's also gonna suck if he's been betting for a really long time and then now all of a sudden you're way better than him which there is a beginner's luck in gambling that happens to pretty much everyone where they are hot at the beginning and they're like this is the easiest thing ever so yeah he's, he's going to lose his mind.
I think you just stay with him, you stay gambling, and you have him lose his mind, and then he'll quit gambling, and you'll be fine. Hey, dog, dad, PFT, future cat, dad, Hank, and dad, dad, big cat, whoa.
My husband and I are expecting our first child on 11-2-20. My husband has been great throughout the pregnancy with COVID and everything being so uncertain, but he's upsetting me with his new demands.
We were having a girl and he desperately wants me to have a Halloween baby. I don't think he gets it.
He says have the kid on Halloween. It's my favorite holiday and that we can name her Candy.
Thoughts? I think he's actively trying to get your daughter into porn already. That is a recipe for...
Like, my daughter, oh, her name's Candy with an I probably. She loves putting on costumes.
And she was born on Halloween. It's...
I would check them a little bit. I would check them on that.
I think Halloween would probably be the worst day to have a child on. No, wait, wait.
It doesn't matter. Hold on.
It doesn't matter to have a kid on Halloweeneen why would it matter to have a kid on halloween because halloween is like my favorite holiday okay well if you're having a kid you probably aren't celebrating halloween anymore so no no me and halloween it's long term i i think it'd be the worst date to be born because halloween is every kid's favorite day and then it's your birthday stolen right that's it's thinking about it the wrong way around. That too.
Yeah. I think if you're having a kid, you're not like, oh, man, I'm going to miss the rager because I'm going to go have a kid.
You can tell exactly who on this podcast has a child and who doesn't by that one. Wild thinking.
I mean, the perspective. You still go out on Halloween? Yeah.
No, you don't. You kidding me? No chance.
Dude, I go out hard. I hit the gin bucket on Halloween.
I got a sweet Tiger King costume coming in. Yeah.
Oh, yeah. Remember Tiger King? I'm going to go with Sandra Day O'Connor.
That works. Hey, Hank, Husky Cat, and Pfft.
My boyfriend's mom gave me a candle for my birthday. It smells like his ball sack after he does legs at the gym.
Can I throw a candle away, or is it not environmentally safe?

Thanks.

You just burn it outside.

Mm-hmm.

That's, yeah.

Yeah, just that's what a candle does.

Yeah, just burn it.

And be like, the candle's done.

Uh-huh.

I used it all.

It's over.

How many candles do you think have been burned?

You can't, yeah, in life?

Yeah.

Well, let's see, there's eight every night.

It was electricity before.

I would say probably like 500 billion. Whoa.
Dude, everything about rice, billion is so much more than million. That's a lot of candles.
500 billion, though. No.
How many candles get burned in 10? I didn't think 1 billion. So I think between like 1900 and what, negative 60,000 BC, we used candles.

That's a shitload of years.

That's 62,000 years.

When were candles invented?

I bet it was Egypt.

200 BC.

That's a lot of candles. Oh, 200 BC.

Well, never mind.

That's a lot of candles.

So that's really only 21,000 years.

Mm-hmm.

That's a lot of years.

2100 years. How many candles have been burned ever? No one has that shit.
We should ask Neil that. Hello, Mr.
Ex-Professional Athlete PFT Slim Cat and Triple H. Me and my boyfriend have been dating for a little over a year.
Things are starting to move towards a potential engagement.

There's one problem.

He kisses so loud.

My housemates have complained to me multiple times about how they can hear us kissing in our room.

It's not even like we're making out.

It's just a small peck that can be heard from the living room.

My housemates keep telling me I have to have a talk with him about kissing quieter,

but I just don't know how to bring it up.

If I ever say anything, my housemates will slowly hate me.

If I do, my boyfriend will be in a mood and be afraid to kiss me.

Seems like a lose-lose.

How do I handle this situation?

Thank you. I just don't know how to bring it up.
If I ever say anything, my housemates will slowly hate me. If I do, my boyfriend will be in a mood and be afraid to kiss me.
Seems like a lose-lose. How do I handle the situation? I mean, if they're going towards a potential engagement, you don't even live with them yet, that might be a little jumping the gun.
Yeah. I think all things considered, there are worse problems to have in a relationship.
Like, you guys don't kiss. You smooch.
Can you put a silencer on a kiss? That's smooching. Like maybe some chapstick?

Tell him to grow a mustache and a beard.

That'll muffle the sound a little bit.

Slow it down.

Yeah, put a little bit of barrier in between the lips.

Yeah, it's like a speed bump.

Uh-huh.

The idea of just a loud kiss and everyone being like,

damn, you guys kiss loud.

It's very funny.

There they go again.

This is just very specific. No name, no nothing.
It's just a text to the text line that said, be sure you flush the toilet before inviting us back to your apartment after a date. Just the men in general.
Yeah. So I think that girl had a traumatic experience.
I think you can just stop with be sure to flush your toilet. Unless it's pee, then just don't worry about it.
Also let it mellow. Yeah.
Also save water, the environment. Hi, Fat Cat and Marlon's Man Stepson.
A long time ago, I told my boyfriend that the day he proposed to me is the day I eat his ass. He's planning on a special weekend for us this upcoming weekend for our five-year anniversary, and I think he's actually proposing.
He often brings up me eating his ass, and I'm scared that he might actually expect me to do it if he proposes. What should I do? Should I say I was just joking or just do it? I think you have to make him – you've got to plan for both occasions.
So you've got to pick a lane and stick to it. So either feed him a bunch of raw meat and stuff that's going to – just oysters all weekend to make him really sick so he will not even have the balls to ask you to eat his ass.
Or go the other way and just basically treat his butthole to a spa day. Get him a wax.
Maybe go to the local adult gift shop and purchase some flavored lube. Put some glitter on there, some baby powder.
Really getting into it. Have him spend all day just having his butt being fanned and washed.
You can't go middle ground here. Yeah.
Because that's where you run into trouble if he eats a normal diet and it's just another day for his butthole. You're going to be in a sad state of affairs once he proposes.
I'd go with just a prank. That's a perfect just a prank.
It was just a prank. What if he says that's just a prank? What if he's not going to take the ring back? Yeah, what if he says that's just a prank? The ring's not coming back.
Yeah, well, the thing is, he can't complain to anybody if you say it was just a prank. He's never going to tell that story.
He's not going to be like, yeah, I had to break off the proposal, Mom and Dad. Oh, why? Well, she didn't lick my bunghole.
Yeah, so you're good. All right, last one.
My boyfriend checks his phone about every 30 minutes when we are together. Scared me that he's cheating, so while he was sleeping, I checked his phone, and he has a group chat with the boys where they only talk about gambling.
Do most guys have this, or should I be worried about his addiction? Side note, seems like he loses a lot more than he wins. I mean, a lot more.
Should I set up an intervention? First question is yes. I'd say just never go through the phone.
Yeah. Correct.
find anything no woman has ever picked up a man's phone spent a good 15 minutes on it and been like this kicks ass you know what everything's out of context there's just a lot of context that gets missed you don't complain about your wins you the group chat because somebody else might be losing. So you're getting a small sample size here.
Yeah, it's better to just leave him alone and just be like, Hey, that was a good game, huh? When he does win, be like, You're so smart. You're so, so smart.
Good job. But also just don't go through the phone.
No, don't do that. Don't ever do that.
All right, that's our show. Friday we have Neil deGrasse Tyson and Andy Staples.
Billy, do you have anything to let us go? Multiple animals use hallucinogens such as jaguars, multiple species of antelope. What kind of hallucinogens? Just plants with hallucinogens in them.
How do they use them? Reindeer, actually, are big.

What number?

They just eat them.

I've heard about kangaroos that eat poppies, and they get all stoned and hop around in a circle.

Eight.

I love you guys.

Sixteen.

Sixteen.

What is it?

Sixteen?

Sixteen.

Sixteen.

Did anyone have sixteen?

Sweet sixteen.

Someone had sixteen.

Someone out there, Dave.

Congratulations.

Good job, dude. You did it.
Love you guys. This just in.
Breaking news, Hank. Hank.
Breaking news, Hank. Your Chicago Bulls have just hired former Oklahoma City Thunder and Florida head coach Billy Donovan as their head coach right now.
All-time crew cut guy. Big crew cut guy.
And we have just received word from Big Cat who just departed with his official statement. He sent it to my darling Jake.
My darling Jake, do you have that?

Bulls are back.

Let's go to Buster's.

We haven't been in.

Life forever bears day in my life.

I'll give you all my prizes.

Let's go to Buster's.

Let's go to Dave and Buster's. Take me to Buster's.
Take on me. Take me to Dave.
Take on me. Back.
Take me to Buster's. Take me to Buster's.
Let's go to Damon Buster's.

Take me to Buster's.

Take on me.

Take me to Dave's.

Take on me.

Best day of my life.

Take me to Buster's. We'll be right back.
Thank you. We'll be right back.
Take on me

Take on me

Take on me.

Take on me.

Take on me.

Take on me.

Take on me Take on me