Coach Lane Kiffin, Morten Andersen And Blake Bortles Is Back

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Speaker 3 On today's part of my take, we have a twofer, Coach Lane Kiffin on the show for the first time. Recurring guest now.
Coach Kiffin, we talked to everything with him, including visor wearing,

Speaker 3 USC, Alabama, Ole Mit, everything, literally everything. Joey Freshwater.

Speaker 3 We have recurring guest Morton Anderson on the show to get to the bottom of kicking problems in the NFL.

Speaker 3 We have a little Monday night football wrap-up. Blake Bortles is back.
Hot seat, Cool Throne, Guys on Chicks. Great show coming for you right now.

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Speaker 3 At participating, McDonald's. Okay, let's go.

Speaker 3 Now in the streets, there is violence.

Speaker 3 And then a lot of sound work will be done.

Speaker 3 Looks behind a low washing.

Speaker 3 And then I can game all on the sun. Oh, oh, we're gonna run down to Elite Trick Avenue.

Speaker 3 And then we'll take it higher.

Speaker 3 Oh, we're gonna run down

Speaker 3 Welcome to part of my tape presented by the Cash App. Go download it right now.
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Speaker 3 Today is Wednesday, September 23rd, and Blake Bortles is back.

Speaker 3 Hell yeah, he's back. Fuck you.
He's back with a vengeance. We did it.
We can take down signblakebortles.org.

Speaker 3 I'll tell you what. We'll change signedblakebortles.org from just the link to the box score from that Pittsburgh playoff game.
We'll switch it to just the mission accomplished, George Bush meme. Yes.

Speaker 3 We did it. We did it.
I had a little freaky Friday incident.

Speaker 3 I was driving up from Philly back to New York this morning, and I was listening to a podcast, and they were like, you know, Denver might go find a quarterback off the street because Drew locks out for a few days.

Speaker 3 And I said to myself, Blake Bortles is on the street, literally probably on the street right now, like hanging out, just hanging out on the street.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 not five minutes later, Schefter said that Blake Bortles was going to Denver to throw the ball and interview for the position. Boom, we're back.

Speaker 3 I hope we didn't make it awkward for our very good friend, Blake Bortles, by talking at length about Jeff Driscoll's thong.

Speaker 3 But if you remember, we've actually had this discussion before because Bortles and Jeff Driscoll are high school rivals. They're rivals.
Iron sharpens iron.

Speaker 3 Maybe Blake Bortles just go free ball underneath. That would actually be burgerdom.
That would be an alpha move if Blake showed up. He's like, you know what?

Speaker 3 I don't even need to wear underwear to show off this dumper. Yes.
It's just pure Bortles ass. And listen, I know like I saw that people are like, oh, Blake Bortles has a job.

Speaker 3 How does Colin Kaepernick not have a job? Or how does this person not have a job? Just let us have Blake because Blake, we just want Blake in the NFL. Yeah.
He's a great guy.

Speaker 3 We just want him in the NFL. You can complain about other people.
I'm totally by that.

Speaker 3 I can totally get behind some people having a job and being like, how does this guy have a job and this guy doesn't? But Bortles, the world is a better place when Blake Bortles is on an NFL roster.

Speaker 3 And I'm genuinely happy for him because the way the NFL works, if you go a year, it kind of can just be over. Yeah, so with Blake, he's going to Denver.

Speaker 3 I think he was going to get signed by the Broncos this offseason. They passed on him, I think, just in the idea of like, okay, you're a safety guy.
If we have an injury, if we have

Speaker 3 a COVID-related illness, we're bringing Blake there. So

Speaker 3 Schefter reported that they flew him in this morning, and then like 30 minutes later, they're like, yeah, the interview went well.

Speaker 3 I have to imagine the interview was like John Elway saying, how tall are you? Yeah, okay, yeah, you got the job.

Speaker 3 And he probably just walked in the room and was like, you seem like a pretty sweet dude. Yeah, you're a cool guy to have around.
So

Speaker 3 Blake is going to be everybody's best friend except for Jeff Driscoll because the rivalry is back on between those two. I think Blake is going to take that starting job from him.
What do you think?

Speaker 3 Do you think that there's any question about that?

Speaker 3 I have a vague memory of us just going at Jeff Driscoll.

Speaker 6 I think there was a Jeff Driskell and a boomer.

Speaker 3 Yeah, we did something where I said we made it awkward.

Speaker 3 Socially liberal but Driskell-y conservative was one that we did. So Jeff Driscoll, you seem like a nice guy, dude.
Not anymore. Whatever.
It's fine, but peace.

Speaker 3 Yeah, Bortles is going to be cooking up in Denver. I'll put it this way.
They're playing. You know who they're playing this weekend? The Jets.
They're playing the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

Speaker 3 The Tompa Bay Buccaneers. And Bortles, Bortles is a Brady killer.
True. A Brady killer in their last two matchups.
In the first half.

Speaker 3 In their last two matchups.

Speaker 3 You knew there was a catch to play.

Speaker 3 He has outscored Tom Brady in the second quarter, 21-10, in their last two matchups. So just give Bortles a shot in the second quarter.
Bring them in. You know what?

Speaker 3 I'll expand to the entire first half. In their last two matchups, Blake Bortles has outscored Tom Brady in the first half, 35-13.
Wow.

Speaker 3 How lucky are the Steelers that the Broncos got the Bortles the week after they played? Because Bortles actually is a Steelers killer. Dodged a major bullet for that one.
So let me be perfectly clear:

Speaker 3 Blake Bortles is getting this starting job. So, PFT, you are on the record as being a big Drew Locke guy.

Speaker 3 What happens when Drew Locke comes back? That's going to be an interesting quarterback competition because Drew Locke has it. The answer is Blake Block.
He has Moxie.

Speaker 3 He has poise, but Blake Bortles has the X Factor. Just say Blake Bortles.
Blake Bortles. Okay.

Speaker 3 Not a Drew Locke guy. Thin air, thin hair, don't care.
No hair. Thin air, no hair.
Well, we haven't seen a picture recently. I think he's just committed to that.
I hope.

Speaker 3 He might have grown it out like a lot of people in quarantine. He's like, Blake actually does strike me as the type of guy who would grow it back and be like, maybe it's...
Maybe it's back.

Speaker 3 Maybe it's needed a break. Maybe my hair just needed a break.
My hair was doing too much work. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Maybe it was just the helmet. Yeah, I just stop wearing helmets for a while and stop rubbing those follicles out.
But yeah, the NFL is a better league when Blake Bortles is back in it.

Speaker 3 And I think that this is a great scenario for him out in Denver. He's got the opportunity to prove himself.
Here's what happens. Blake gets in.
Maybe he performs really well for the next couple weeks.

Speaker 3 Drew Locke comes back.

Speaker 3 John Elway will probably want to go back to Drew Locke since he's been the quarterback of that team for the last year and a half.

Speaker 3 But what Bortles will have done, he will have re-established himself, and then the world is his oyster. Then he can go anywhere.
Yes. I just also realized that

Speaker 3 I would pay anything to be a fly on the wall when Jake Butt introduces himself to Bortles because I bet you Bortles gets kicked out of that. Just going to crack up.
What's your name?

Speaker 3 Jake Butt. Okay.
Like when he throws it to him in practice, first time is like,

Speaker 3 but okay.

Speaker 3 All right. So Bortles is back.
All is right in the world.

Speaker 3 Let's talk a little Monday Night Football.

Speaker 3 Trigger warning for Saints fans. There's going to be some Drew Brees talk.
Do you think,

Speaker 3 let's start here. Do you think Saints fans realize it that it's over? Or

Speaker 3 do you think they're still holding on to, oh, well, the Saints are good enough, which they do have a great roster, but they're being held back by their quarterback. And this isn't just this year.

Speaker 3 This has been the last like year and a half.

Speaker 3 It's much more evident right now, though. It was evident last year, though.

Speaker 3 Like, he put, Drew Brees is smart enough and cerebral enough to still be an okay quarterback, but he limits their offense because he does not have an arm anymore.

Speaker 3 And he even said afterwards, he scoffed at the idea that he was

Speaker 3 over the hill. And he said that this offense hasn't peaked yet.
And I have to agree with him because it will peak when Jameis Winston's the starting quarterback, which might happen this year.

Speaker 3 Start Jameis. That's my takeaway is the time is now.
It is Jameis o'clock in New Orleans. I think with Drew Brees, his arm, it definitely got worse over the offseason.

Speaker 3 It It was getting bad for the year. It got bad.
It got bad for two years. It got worse over the offseason.

Speaker 3 And I think it's more pronounced not having Michael Thomas, who's the guy that runs those like eight, 10-yard, like those dig routes.

Speaker 3 You don't have to throw the ball deep when you have Michael Thomas on the field. But you do have to throw the ball deep to beat good deep balls.

Speaker 3 You can throw an intermediate pass to Michael Thomas and still be a competent offense. But now that Michael Thomas is out of the game, you can't uncork that deep ball.
You don't have the deep ball.

Speaker 3 His arm strength, his daughter's probably psyched that he's not setting any more records, and she probably doesn't want to be pictured with him on the field when he's getting new certificates for these passing yard things because she's probably embarrassed that her dad can't throw the ball over 12 yards.

Speaker 3 In New Orleans, I think that everyone is kind of thinking the same thing, but nobody wants to be the first person to say it.

Speaker 3 Well, you need to say it. You need to say it, guys.
That's why they're relying on us. You need to say it.
They're relying on us to say it for. Someone to say it.

Speaker 3 33% of his yards on Monday night were in the air. That's insanely low.
So that means that

Speaker 3 two-thirds of the yards that he had passing were just yards after catch. Unleash Jameis Winston.

Speaker 3 John America.

Speaker 3 I disagree with you on the Michael Thomas thing.

Speaker 3 Of course, Michael Thomas makes him better, but if you play, like you, there's a limit to Sean Payton's offense when Jerry Brees can't make those throws.

Speaker 3 And I don't know, like, he's struggling with even 10-yard, 15-yard throws. Not even talking about deep ball anymore.

Speaker 3 No, that's what I'm saying. Like, with Michael Thomas running 10-yard, 15-yard routes, Drew Brees can get it there.

Speaker 3 It doesn't look great but Michael Thomas will make you look good on those passes and it'll it'll make you forget that he can't throw the deep ball there's a ceiling to all of this there's definitely and so that's why the offense last year and right now obviously is like a shell of what it has been in the past because he doesn't have that that thing that he does where he cocks his his shoulders back to like 45 degrees and unlaunches that deep ball 45 yards he doesn't have that anymore drew brees

Speaker 3 He's when you know when you go out like maybe Thanksgiving, you're going to like the one time a year you're going to throw the football around and you throw it as hard as you can and your arm feels like it's about to fall out of its socket and you're like, oh, I should have warmed up.

Speaker 3 That's every throw for him.

Speaker 3 It looks like last night he was actually shaking his arm like he had hit his funny bone. And I'm like, what's going on here? Like, is he hurt? Is he not? And I get it.
He's a Hall of Famer.

Speaker 3 He's, you know, the face of the Saints franchise, everything he's done for that city, it's incredible. But at some point, the Saints have a Super Bowl roster.
Their roster is awesome.

Speaker 3 And so at some point, I think what Sean Payton is doing, if you notice, Taysom Hill is just sneaking, like Taysom Mill played fullback, wide receiver, and quarterback last night.

Speaker 3 He's just going to slowly nudge Taysom Hill in there until all of a sudden Taysom Hill, like, hey, let's let Taysom Mill be quarterback for first down here and second down. And you know what?

Speaker 3 We'll do a third down too, just to see what it goes. And then eventually that's how Drew Brees will lose his job.
It's the frog in the boiling water that you gradually increase the temperature.

Speaker 3 And then the frog doesn't know that it's being boiled until the water is already too hot.

Speaker 3 Billy knows all about that.

Speaker 3 You don't get the finger at first. You don't get the finger at first, which is the problem with that theory.
But yeah, maybe just have Drew Brees start the game. Just like Drew Brees is a starter.

Speaker 3 He plays the first play. Then Tams comes in.

Speaker 3 Then you got a two-headed monster of Taysom Hill and Jameis Winston just finishing teams, just crushing them. So that's the Drew Brees part.

Speaker 3 We are taking credit away from the Raiders being actually good. Derek Carr looked good.
Their running game looked good. Their defense looked decent.
I don't know how to grade it against Drew Brees.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 you saw after, I think you know that things are going well when John Gruden and Mike Mayock did the like

Speaker 3 wrestling hugs/slash kind of hit each other move after the game in excitement where you're like, are these guys about to either kiss or punch each other?

Speaker 3 We don't know, but that's just football guy energy and nowhere to go. And they just kind of clash at each other.
That means it's rolling

Speaker 3 in Oakland. That's the optimal state to be in if you're a football guy with your fellow football guy.
It's like at any time, you should want to make out with them and also stab them.

Speaker 3 It's like a hug/slash full Nelson. Yeah.
You're just kind of like, oh, yeah, good job.

Speaker 3 If you hug somebody, but you're also not hurting them at the same time, that's sus. Right, exactly.
Major sus. Major sus.
So you got to want to kind of like choke your buddy out.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I saw that clip. I was like, these guys, they got something cooking here, and Gruden's got a little of that swagger.
I do think Derek Carr, even though his first drive,

Speaker 3 he looked lost, but he picked it all back up. And they have like half their offensive line, which is their strength, is hurt.
So if they get that healthy, I don't know.

Speaker 3 The Raiders might be good. John Gruden was in his natural element, just calling Spider-Two Wide Banana all over the field last night.
They ran it so many times, and you can't stop it.

Speaker 3 You cannot stop Spider-Two Wide Banana, especially if they have a good tight end, which they do. They've got an awesome tight end in Waller.

Speaker 3 And then Alec Ingold, obviously knocking heads as a fullback,

Speaker 3 got the game ball. Lowman Award winner, Alec Ingold.
And then we should talk about the new stadium in Las Vegas because

Speaker 3 I want to fuck the Las Vegas Raiders' new stadium. No, just like I want to grind on it.
I don't think that there's really a hole to be spoken for there.

Speaker 3 It's like a hockey puck in the middle of the desert, except it's shiny. I want to fuck it.
It is the most erotic stadium that I've ever seen.

Speaker 3 It almost looks better with no fans, although I think that it'll be awesome once they do start letting fans inside. But for right now, that thing is sexy as shit, and I want to fucking fuck it.

Speaker 3 Whoa, I do. Yeah, no, I know.
I mean,

Speaker 3 you have fucking your eyes. You thought I wanted to fuck the Atlanta Falcons stadium when it's got the little butthole that opens up.
No, I'm throwing that in the trash. That's yesterday's news.

Speaker 3 I want to just rub all my body in and around

Speaker 3 the Oakland, the Las Vegas Raiders' new stadium. Shout out Mark Davis, by the way.
What a classy move to not go to the game because fans aren't allowed to go to the game.

Speaker 3 Slash, he was probably at the PF Changs just dining and whining himself and enjoying that. That was so bizarre when they announced that.
And they're like,

Speaker 3 I thought there was a death or something because they're like, Mark Davis can't be here tonight. And then

Speaker 3 he thinks it's not right that if fans can't be here, he won't be here. In reality, it's probably Mark Davis doesn't have enough money to rent out the suite and get food catered to him.

Speaker 3 He can't buy a ticket and get the money that should be. No, well, you know how

Speaker 3 the sweets are there, but then you still got to pay for the food? Right. So he was like, what's the point of going if I can't get the dessert card?

Speaker 3 He was probably like, the dessert card is what's going to put me over the edge. Not worth going if I can't have that walk by.
But it's for the family.

Speaker 3 I do think that Mark Davis, he is the working man's owner. He is by far the work.
He doesn't have the money. Yeah.
He actually has to work. He's probably at his other job.

Speaker 3 Wasn't that the whole story about the Raiders contract with Gruden? Yeah. They had to put it all in escrow because he's like, we don't know if he'll he'll have that much.
And that's why E.

Speaker 3 Stanley Cronkey didn't want him moving into his neighborhood. He was like trying to keep his neighborhood gentrified.

Speaker 3 He's like, I can't have property value going down on this new lot that I just built. So let's get Spanos up here.

Speaker 3 Let's kick Mark Davis out to Las Vegas. I don't want Mark Davis having to go door-to-door introducing himself.
You know what I mean? Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 3 Like, Mark Davis, neighbors start moving out when you see a guy in an all-white tracksuit moving in.

Speaker 3 In his conversion van. Yeah,

Speaker 3 I can't have that thing parked outside my stadium.

Speaker 3 The NFL Films is going to move out of their office if that happens. So, yeah, I do like what Mark Davis is doing.

Speaker 3 I don't know the reasons behind it, but I choose to believe him that he's like, if the fans can't go, then I don't want to go. Because he is kind of a man of the people.
Yeah. He is.

Speaker 3 I just think that there's got to be another reason. He probably was like, I just, I got something else going on Monday.

Speaker 3 He should rent out the PF Changs and have his own watch parties or just get like a giant outdoor area that he can do, like how the Raptors do Jurassic Park. Yes.

Speaker 3 There should be like Davis Park, where everyone just gets dressed up as look-alike

Speaker 3 Mark Davis's, and they all sit out wearing their tracksuits, watching a giant screen, and scratching themselves with camel toes. I like that.
I think that would be awesome, actually.

Speaker 3 You should do that in Las Vegas.

Speaker 3 But again, I want to stress that I want to fuck the state. Yes, oh, we got it.
Okay. Yeah.

Speaker 3 So I guess we should. It is weird to not even at least mention there was game three tonight.

Speaker 3 We tape performed. The Lakers won.
One break. Yeah, the Lakers.
We're going to be back in on the Nut. I think the Nuggets won.
Oh, really? Yeah. No, I think the Lakers won tonight.

Speaker 3 I think the Nuggets won, but we had to pick our spots to take one day where we don't have to be here till midnight. We'll be back.
We'll be here till midnight for the Jags Dolphins game.

Speaker 3 Big Cat got all selfish and had a child, so he needs to spend time. That's not.
I'll come back. Wait, I'll come back.
I'll come back. After the game? Yeah.
I always do.

Speaker 3 Yeah. I did that like five times last week.
I was joking. I'll come back.
You want to come back? You want to come back tonight? Well, you just put, you fucking gauntleted me. God damn it.

Speaker 3 Made me seem like... Yo, it looks like you're the one who didn't want to come back.

Speaker 3 Interesting. All right, well, that's the game three.
Good recap. Just so you know, PFT is the one who wanted to go home early.
I was ready to come back.

Speaker 3 Alright, let's do Hot Sea Cool Throne.

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Uh, Hank, hot seat, cool throne, go!

Speaker 6 I have so many.

Speaker 3 Really? Yeah. Can I get one of your cool thrones?

Speaker 6 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Give me a hint.

Speaker 6 He's in this room.

Speaker 3 That's it.

Speaker 6 All right. Whoa.

Speaker 3 It's probably Hank. He wants you to say it's Hank.
No,

Speaker 3 I got it. Thank you.

Speaker 6 My hot seat is grammar. First, one of my first ones is grammar.
Agreed.

Speaker 6 Unfortunately, it seems like, you know, unlike us, it seems like they haven't taught America's youths

Speaker 6 proper grammar. Youth.

Speaker 3 Sentence structure. America's youth.

Speaker 6 What words mean, things of that nature.

Speaker 6 Zendaya,

Speaker 6 as you guys know, she's one of your favorite actors. Emmy winner.
She won the Emmy in 2020.

Speaker 3 What was she in?

Speaker 3 Euphoria. And Euphoria.
Oh, I remember Euphoria. That show was fucked.
Yeah.

Speaker 6 So she won the Emmy for Best Actress. And then New York Post wrote an article

Speaker 6 and it said, biggest upset. Zendaya wins Emmys 2020 over Jennifer Anderson, Laura Lindley, and more.
And there's a lot of Zendaya stands, Euphoria stands, whatever.

Speaker 6 They were all very upset because they're like, no one's upset about this.

Speaker 6 No one's upset. Like, this is a great thing, blah, blah, blah, blah.
They didn't understand that, like, biggest upset meant she wasn't favored to win the award. I do that.

Speaker 3 I thought that the New York Post was upset that Zendaya won the award. I do like that.

Speaker 6 There was an entire stand army being like, fuck you guys for saying this.

Speaker 6 It's amazing that she won.

Speaker 3 I like using the term biggest upset as a millennial or a Gen Z way to say, this is the reason why we're so pissed off this week. I like that.

Speaker 3 People need something to be mad about so much that they find this imaginary thing in the phrasing. Oh, I love trapping people, be like, you guys are fucking idiots.

Speaker 6 Yeah, there's just, I mean, reading the replies, I was like, I thought it was a joke. You're just like, this can't be.
I mean, I mean, how can you not understand grammar? It's great.

Speaker 3 This is how language changes, Hank.

Speaker 3 This is how it moves along, like, irregardless, is now in the dictionary because enough people misused it. 20 years from now, we're not going to have our biggest upset of the week.

Speaker 3 We're going to have, like, the game that makes me maddest of the week for the underdogs. 100.
Twitter is really the worst. It's now, by the way, the masks have gone to

Speaker 3 please vote, which you should vote.

Speaker 3 But every time you tweet to vote,

Speaker 3 every time you tweet to register to vote, you're tweeting it to the same people that probably have registered to vote.

Speaker 3 And good job, guys, you accomplished it. Depending on what people think, who people think you're going to vote for, you telling people to vote is either a good thing or a bad thing.

Speaker 3 Yeah, it could be a bad thing. So

Speaker 3 I say

Speaker 3 vote if you'd like. Please vote.
There you go.

Speaker 6 My other hot seat, one of my other hot seats is PFT.

Speaker 6 He was a part of a viral tweet yesterday as well. He tweeted about DK Metcalf on Sunday.
DK Metcalf responded, kind of dunked on him, said, learn how to at me. And that had like...

Speaker 3 How was that dunking?

Speaker 6 Well, it had like 70,000 favorites, like a few thousand retweets.

Speaker 3 Like

Speaker 6 considerably more action than your tweet got.

Speaker 3 He also didn't at Russ Wilson when he started the Russ for MVP thing. So he could have been saying any Russ for MVP.

Speaker 6 It just seemed like that, you know, I just saw that every time I went on Twitter, that that was at the top of my feed because there's so many people kept retweeting it.

Speaker 3 No, I got back to him on that. I clapped back big time.
Ooh, shut up.

Speaker 6 And not with the music.

Speaker 3 But everyone was just reading the original tweet, the one that Hank's talking about.

Speaker 6 The viral one, yeah.

Speaker 3 Doesn't surprise me that DK wants all communication to be as direct as possible.

Speaker 6 My other hot seat, Ellen Degenerates.

Speaker 6 She came back, tried to issue an apology, was really like a sorry, not sorry, and people aren't buying it.

Speaker 6 So she, I don't know. I don't know how she gets out of this one.

Speaker 3 She, that was such a bullshit apology.

Speaker 6 Yeah, it was like,

Speaker 6 yeah, it wasn't an apology. It was like, if you're upset, I'm sorry.

Speaker 3 I mean, you know what, though? I'm okay. Dave asked.

Speaker 3 I think Ellen should just lean into being the bitch of daytime TV because everyone on daytime television, their entire mission is to be as likable and as nice sounding as possible.

Speaker 3 So Ellen should just embrace that. Yeah.
And be like, I fucking hate all the people that are working for me right now. You behind the camera.

Speaker 3 Your request for time off to deal with your sick kid is denied. Like, really just becomes wedgie of the day.
She just brings out a fucking unpaid intern and wedgies him to a doorknob.

Speaker 3 Yeah, she should just become a dictator of daytime television. Yes,

Speaker 3 the world needs a heal. Yeah,

Speaker 6 she can do the charity thing, but she can do it between like two people, so one of them always loses, and they get that reaction of, like, you know, one person wins all this money, but then they also have the other person who's equally qualified.

Speaker 3 Well, it is, there is some, there would be some benefit in doing that because she, at this point, everyone who hates her, no apology would would have fixed it, right? Like, none.

Speaker 3 No, you can't apologize and expect people to be like, oh, she seemed properly remorseful. No, they hate Ellen.
They make sport out of it. So at least give them something to hate.

Speaker 3 Give them some red meat. Yeah.
Yeah. Lean into it, Ellen.

Speaker 6 And then my cool throne is our coworker, Deion Sanders.

Speaker 6 Got the coach at Jackson State going viral today. Apparently, you were saying earlier, he's trying to sniff out a rat, I guess, is your theory.

Speaker 3 That's my theory.

Speaker 3 So the initial tweet that was put out there, I forget who said this, who reported it, but they were saying what his staff was going to be. And they were saying he had T.O.

Speaker 3 signed up to be wide receivers coach, Warren Sapp to be the defensive line coach,

Speaker 3 which would be insane. And I actually do think that we should do a hard knocks on Jackson State University, if that's the case.
Yes. And we should produce it.
We should, like, with our brains.

Speaker 3 behind this, it would be insanely electric television.

Speaker 3 It can't miss having those personalities in the room. But apparently, it's not true.

Speaker 3 No duh. He said it's not true.
So I think he might be sniffing at a rat. He leaked that to somebody to see if that person was going to tell the press about it.

Speaker 3 Kind of like the whole Condoleezza Rice thing with the Browns a couple years ago.

Speaker 3 Just add, like, when you see that rumor,

Speaker 3 if you ran with it, it's like, ask yourself, do you think that Warren Sapp and Trell Owens are going to move to Jackson, Mississippi and be coaches? Assistant coaches? I don't think so.

Speaker 3 I could see T.O. doing it.
Warren Sapphance. I saw Warren Sapp on Punked 10 years ago, 15 years ago.
He does not handle new situations and new environments.

Speaker 3 Those guys are living the life.

Speaker 6 He also had his press conference, he had a full marching band.

Speaker 3 It was awesome.

Speaker 6 It was electric.

Speaker 3 Is that it?

Speaker 6 Yeah, well, my other one, the other clue is that he was also one of my hot seats.

Speaker 3 Wait, I thought you said I wanted a cool throne.

Speaker 6 Right.

Speaker 6 That's my second clue.

Speaker 3 He was also a hot seat. Okay.

Speaker 3 PFT, go ahead. Okay.
Huh. I'm trying to get inside Hank's head right now.
I think Billy's looking like we might be accusing him of something.

Speaker 3 My hot seat is the 49ers. This is it.

Speaker 3 No. My hot seat is the San Francisco 49ers.
They have injuries now to Solomon Thomas, Nick Bosa, Jimmy G, Greg Kittle, Mostert, Coleman. All the running backs are hurt.

Speaker 3 Their MRI truck broke down in West Virginia on the way to the Greenbriers, so the Mothman is now radioactive.

Speaker 6 And

Speaker 3 Shanahan got fined $100,000 for not wearing his mask correctly, and their plane got hit on the runway in New York when they came here. So they are in final destination.

Speaker 3 The snake-bitten team of the year.

Speaker 3 They're not hurt or injured.

Speaker 3 I think they're cursed. I think they have a curse on them.
We got to figure out if there's a way to get the curse off the 49ers. It's a Super Bowl curse.
I mean, this does happen, right?

Speaker 3 There is a curse for losing the Super Bowl. Teams do.
The hangover. Yeah, the hangover does kind of derail teams.
So how do they get rid of the hangover?

Speaker 3 They need to lose another Super Bowl real quick. They should, as a team and organization, opt out of the rest of this year and just opt back in next year, fresh as could be.

Speaker 3 I think they just need to, you know, it's like the hair of the dog. If you want to get rid of a hangover, you drink a little bit more the next day.

Speaker 3 Maybe they need to watch the Super Bowl tape tomorrow morning. Tear more ACLs.

Speaker 3 They need to tear one more ACL. Play more on

Speaker 3 playing on the turf, the sticky turf next week. That's true.
Oh, yeah. Fingers on the bottom.
Knock on board. I don't want to hurt.

Speaker 3 No one gets hurt. Maybe just sign Jake Button.
Let nature take its course. No, well, we need Jake Button, Denver.
That's absolutely true.

Speaker 3 Kill a black cat. Or actually sign Tim Tebow.
Find that black cat. Do we ever find it? There you go.
Find the black cat at the meadowlands and kill it. And kill it.
And then curse removed. Kill it.

Speaker 3 Done. The cat's probably got at least...
Two torn ACLs from running across that field. Yes.
I feel like it's stuck. It's probably like a big rat trap.
It's just stuck to the field.

Speaker 3 It's just in the blue injury tent. It's getting fixed out by a veterinarian.
Are they going to fix it? I don't know what you can do to fix sticky turf. Yeah, this just seems weird.
Like, this seems...

Speaker 3 If more injuries happen on Sunday, lawsuits, baby. And we will represent anyone who wants to sue.
Yes.

Speaker 3 My cool throne is Bob Kraft because he is going to have his charges dropped against him. I have two jokes that I've registered as trademarks that nobody else is allowed to make.
He got off again.

Speaker 3 That's joke number one. Joke number two,

Speaker 3 happy ending for Mr. Kraft.
Joke number two, both trademark. But Bob Kraft is not going to be facing charges any longer in the state of Florida for getting jacked off at a massage table.

Speaker 3 That's the, I mean, he had the most stressful hand job of all time. The stress that came from that hand job.

Speaker 3 Bill Clinton could probably beg to differ. Did he get he got sucked off? Yeah, but there was also a hand job.
Yeah, but if you get, I think you just always bump it up to whatever level.

Speaker 3 So the hand job never happened. Right, like

Speaker 3 if you got a blowjob but you had sex you had sex so but i would say that inserting a cigar would negate the blowjob that's even possibly you could say that so no hand job no hand job so yeah probably most stressful hand job of all time that's pretty much it right there i think it has to be

Speaker 3 he probably

Speaker 3 how quickly do you think he goes back to a new one maybe not that one but he's got to celebrate yeah or do you think he maybe he's like i just keep saying i'm gonna be yeah i'm gonna be safe now i'm just gonna run my own calls only.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Yeah.
I don't know.

Speaker 3 Like, if you're a rub and tug guy like that, you don't just stop. Or you might feel like you're above the law.
You might feel like I'm untouchable, except by massages. Yes.
Yes.

Speaker 3 What a ridiculous story. Do you have any comment, Hank?

Speaker 6 No, I mean, I think, you know, innocent until proven guilty, and he was never proven guilty.

Speaker 3 So there you go. So innocent.
Yeah. All right.
My hot seats is the Indianapolis Colts because they're playing the Jets this week. And Adam Gay said,

Speaker 3 quote, it's time to put this thing in hyperdrive.

Speaker 3 So, watch out, Colts. Jets might score 12 points.
Hyperdrive. Hyperdrive.
Okay, I'm not going to be.

Speaker 3 I like this. You know what? Yeah.
Fuck. I'm the Nazi.
I'm going to have to bet on the Jets this weekend. Dude, hyperdrive.
They're going into hyperdrive. Like, you thought the Jets stunk.

Speaker 3 Adam Gace was just in, he was in, like, third gear. Now they're in hyperdrive.
He went past fourth and fifth. Hyperdrive.
Did you see my tweet? What?

Speaker 3 I did not see your tweet, Jake. Sorry.

Speaker 3 What did he say? I found the oldest tweet, which I believe is is the oldest tweet. Former Dolphins receiver Leontae Carew calls head coach Adam Gase an offensive genius.
May 6, 2016. Okay.

Speaker 3 So he's been a genius for a while. And then didn't he only have like 30 yards receiving?

Speaker 3 Two catches in three years. Two catches in three years.
Offensive genius in the field.

Speaker 3 That guy's trying to get a job at some point. He's trying to.

Speaker 3 I mean, the Jets could probably use him. Yes.

Speaker 3 But yeah, hyperdrive Jets. Hyperdrive.
Take the over, take the Jets. That's what I'm hearing.

Speaker 3 I'm actually. actually, I've never heard a coach use the term hyperdrive before.
They're in hyperdrive. I have no choice but to bet on them.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 I just imagine if they come out and they run like Chip Kelly, Oregon offense. He's like, I told you, I tried to warn you guys, hyperdrive fucking with Sam Darnold and Braxton Berrios.
Yes.

Speaker 3 Hyper drive. Let's do it.
Frank Gore is just dying. Like, dude, I can't do this.
I'm 39 years old.

Speaker 3 All right, my cool throne is.

Speaker 3 It's got to be something with stool streams, right? Yeah, it always is. I think I know what it is.
I mean, it is. It always is.
It's got to be Jake. So, Hank.

Speaker 3 Jake's on Cool Thrones. This rivalry.
Hank put me on the hot seat for the slander about DK Metcalf, which, by the way, it's all love between me and DK. He knows that.

Speaker 3 He knows he needs some tough coaching sometimes. Well, he needs someone to just keep dunking on.
Yes. Yeah.

Speaker 3 He can't dunk on me. He's not that tall.

Speaker 3 I got rim.

Speaker 3 75,000 likes. So, who is it?

Speaker 3 Who is it compared to

Speaker 3 PFT? ADFT.

Speaker 6 For Stool streams. We're playing on Thursday, but I'm going to wear sunglasses because I always beat him.

Speaker 3 No, you don't always beat him.

Speaker 3 I've beaten you more often than not.

Speaker 6 And people say, well, the only reason you beat him is because PFT wears sunglasses, so I'm going to prove to the world that it has nothing to do with the sunglasses, and I'm just a superior ping pong player.

Speaker 3 Holy shit, he has 74,000 likes on this. Yeah, dude, he dunked on you.
Learn how to at me. An official dunking.
He just said, learn how to at me. I'll at you, DK.

Speaker 3 DK is just mad because I beat him in a race.

Speaker 6 There was also kind of like the Zendaya thing. There was a lot of people that didn't realize that you guys have a back and forth, and they're like, fuck these fucking journalists.

Speaker 6 I think they know what it's like.

Speaker 3 You guys do have a bit of a repertoire. Context.
DK and I, we...

Speaker 6 We don't know about the Instagram story.

Speaker 3 Buddies just plus balls. That's what we do.

Speaker 3 So wait, Hank, you're wearing sunglasses.

Speaker 6 I'm going to wear sunglasses on Facebook, and I'm still going to beat him.

Speaker 3 I'm going to beat you by nine points. Ooh, nine.

Speaker 3 Wait, in how many games? Each game, I will beat him by nine. All games.
Sweeps. Sweeps.
Get the button. Two-nothing sweep.
Nine.

Speaker 3 Aggregate 18 points. I'm better than Hank when I'm wearing glasses and he's not.
I'm going to crush him like a bug if he's wearing glasses. Very mean, but I like it.
Billy, you're back. What's up?

Speaker 3 How was school?

Speaker 3 Tedious. Tedious.
Okay, give us your hot seat, cool throne. People missed you.
Oh, really? No.

Speaker 3 How did you fall for that?

Speaker 3 My hot seat is sharks.

Speaker 7 Orca whales are ripping out their testicles off the coast of South Africa.

Speaker 6 Sharks have testicles.

Speaker 7 Yeah, didn't know that.

Speaker 3 Are they inside them? Yeah, inside them. Dude, they're just ripping them out.
Wait, orca whales are ripping shark balls? Yeah.

Speaker 3 What? Yeah, there's some sexual balls. For what reason?

Speaker 7 I don't know. There's some sort of war going on in the ocean.

Speaker 3 They're practicing eugenics.

Speaker 3 They're disabling their ability to breed.

Speaker 7 Dude, I have no idea. Also, they just found a tomb in Egypt that hasn't been opened in 27,000 years, and they just opened it, and there's a bunch of sarcophaguses.

Speaker 3 So, probably what's that?

Speaker 7 Those are like where they keep the mummies. Okay.
So, probably maybe the source of the...

Speaker 3 No, no, I know that. What are sarcophaguses?

Speaker 7 They're where they put the mummies.

Speaker 3 Oh. Like the actual, like, coffins.
Oh, coffin. You know, like the King Tut, like the gold thing? Yeah, I actually know the word coffin.
Yeah. Sarcophagi.
So who needs that word?

Speaker 3 Like that word is totally I don't need that word.

Speaker 3 I got other things I gotta worry it exists that word That's like a day in lesson planning for a third grade teacher is just sarcophagus yeah like that's all it exists that's a show-off word you don't need that you don't need that coming out of your esophagus exactly billy anyway someone's been hitting the books yeah you sound smarter i know i needed it oh how's your monologue going good can you can you start it for us okay imagination

Speaker 3 that's our only escape wait start it again imagination i don't think it's only that's our only escape i don't think only was in there last time that's our escape Yeah.

Speaker 7 Imagination is what teaches us our limits and teaches us to grow beyond those limits. Imagination says, listen to me.
I am your darkest voice. I am the voice that wakes you up at 4 a.m.

Speaker 7 I am what creates your nightmares. Okay, that's all I know.
But my hot seat.

Speaker 3 I know. It's a really dark monologue.
I don't know what's wrong. I'm the one who knocks.
My hot seat this week is

Speaker 3 the Costco Co.

Speaker 3 What? Did you just do Cool Throne? No, hot seat was sharks. No, my Cool Throne is the Costco co-founder.

Speaker 3 He

Speaker 7 got mad at the CEO of Costco who said, hey, we're losing money on our $1.50 beer and hot dog deal. I think we've got to change it up.

Speaker 7 And the former, the co-founder of Costco is like, if you change that deal, I'll kill you and threatened his life to defend the $1.50 hot dog and beer.

Speaker 3 Did you add beer into that? I don't think

Speaker 3 beer at Costco

Speaker 3 my entire life and I didn't know? No, so Billy did a really bad job of telling this story. I swear to God, it was not.

Speaker 3 No, no, no, no, I'm glad actually, because I would have just looked back at a wasted 35 years if they'd sold beer at Costco. So the price hasn't changed for 35 years.

Speaker 3 It's the hot dog and the Coke combo. Yeah.

Speaker 3 And it's a story that was told that, like, years ago, the Costco president complained to the co-founder and CEO that they were losing money on the famously cheap $1.50 $1.50 hot dog and Coke combo, and the guy responded, the CEO responded, if you raise the price of the fucking hot dog, I will kill you.

Speaker 3 Figure it out. And so then it just,

Speaker 3 from then on, it just became 150. It was $1.50 and never changed.
I like that, though.

Speaker 3 I like having a little bit of consistency in this world where, you know, no matter what else changes, you can always go

Speaker 3 to Costco and get an affordable hot dog for after you snack.

Speaker 3 Although I am more of a fan of the, they have like a chicken cordon blue blue pocket like their version of the hot pocket it's also very reasonably priced yes yes yes i i mean costco that's a smart move by them just go in there yeah dollar fifty a little bonus yeah something to bank on at ikea they sell you like horse meatballs right that's why i don't go to ikea i go to costco right um all right let's do uh oh we have two interviews so first we have coach lane kiffin before we get to that a word from our friends at i'm not going back to college to be your friend i'm going so i can get Uber One for students.

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Speaker 3 Okay, here he is, Coach Lane Kiffen.

Speaker 3 Okay, we now welcome on a very special guest. It is head coach of Ole Miss Football.
It is Lane Kiffin, someone we've wanted to have on for a very long time. Coach, great to see you.

Speaker 3 Great to talk to you.

Speaker 3 We're going to talk about everything, but let's start with this season. Saturday is finally getting here.
We're going to play some football. Are you excited? How's the team looking?

Speaker 3 How are we feeling?

Speaker 5 We're jacked. We're ready to go.

Speaker 5 A few days left here, but I mean, so much has been put into this by so many people, you know, going from the commissioner to, you know, administration, you know, players, doctors, everything.

Speaker 5 It's really crazy how much has been put into

Speaker 5 getting things done so that these players can play.

Speaker 3 It's been weird. I have to assume this is an off-season unlike any that we've seen college football ever.

Speaker 3 Like, how, what percentage of your time is invested in discussing medical things as opposed to, you know, working on the nuts and bolts and the stuff that you usually focus on?

Speaker 5 Well, Well, that is unusual.

Speaker 5 We get medical reports now three times a week on the test. So

Speaker 5 the test, the test comes back the next day, and you may get

Speaker 5 all of a sudden that morning, you're getting ready for practice and

Speaker 5 three guys have it and six are out with close contact. So

Speaker 5 it's really crazy trying to do that.

Speaker 5 Everybody wants, you know, normally talk about, you know, how big are you, how fast are you, how strong are you? And, you know, what kind of plays you're running, offense, defense, special teams.

Speaker 5 I think more important than everything to win this year is who handles COVID the best, who handles social distancing the best, you know, so that they can have the best players out there.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 So, have you guys been like, in terms of getting ready for a season, obviously it's starting a little later than usual, but have you noticed that like the team is maybe not as crisp, or does it feel like it's late August and we're about to get going?

Speaker 3 Like, you guys are ready to go sharp, coming right out of a a good training camp feel.

Speaker 5 I think we were slow initially. You know, we got hit initially pretty bad with positives.
And so they missed a lot of time during what I guess you'd consider training camp.

Speaker 5 And we've been very fortunate here the last two weeks and been on a great run. So

Speaker 5 hopefully we keep that up.

Speaker 3 So let's talk a little bit about the actual football team.

Speaker 3 Are you guys big this year? You got a big team? Strong? You fast? I'm more concerned about the bigness. How big are you?

Speaker 5 We are fast

Speaker 5 on that. I don't know that I would consider us really big, not

Speaker 5 as big as some of your typical SEC teams, but we have a lot of young talent, especially on offense, which was a part of taking this job, seeing the roster and seeing

Speaker 5 what had been recruited here.

Speaker 3 Are you going visor on Saturday?

Speaker 5 Yeah, of course.

Speaker 3 Okay. All right.
We've made fun of the visor. We should probably get that out of the way.

Speaker 3 Well, so, well, first of all, you look like you've lost weight. Is that true? Thank thank you that's nice yeah um you you did

Speaker 5 kind of weird like hearing a guy say that well

Speaker 3 we know it goes in yeah it goes into the visor talk because when you got first hired you're wearing a visor maybe it was the winter time whatever uh pft said uh the visor looks like a belt for your head and i said you look like a guy who invites you on uh his pawn tune and calls it the poon tune um so just want to get that out of the way got that out of the way Feels good.

Speaker 3 But you are.

Speaker 5 I'm not sure I'd have done the show if they would have told me that, but that's okay.

Speaker 3 Yeah. I mean, that's funny jokes.
Those are funny jokes.

Speaker 3 So are you, do you ever think that you're not going to be a visor guy? Because we've had these discussions like visor guys, are they just, did you know you were always a visor guy?

Speaker 3 Is it something that you're born with or is it something that you grew into?

Speaker 5 When I was young, my idol was Steve Spurrier. And so that's really where it started.

Speaker 5 You know, just trying to look like him. And then just kind of, now it's just a habit I mean I don't

Speaker 3 wearing a hat with for a game or for a practice would feel really strange yeah yeah have you ever considered just going like raw dog no hat no visor at all

Speaker 5 raw dog no I haven't because again I feel like the the headset doesn't fit right without the visor yeah I guess the only wild card is like if you follow me but But aren't you the guy that like followed all my jobs and like kind of to be me and get the different head jobs and wear a visor?

Speaker 3 Oh, yeah, for dogs. Yeah, I did that.
I did follow all your jobs. Yes.
Yeah, but I, the visor, like I'm not a visor guy. I tried to wear the visor.
I thought I looked stupid.

Speaker 3 I just am always.

Speaker 5 I saw you coming out of the tunnel one time with the visor on.

Speaker 3 It's just very, it's hard for me to like,

Speaker 3 I don't understand visor guys, but it's good to know that you're something that you're just kind of. Yeah, you're born with it.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 It's like there's very clearly a visor guy, very clearly a hat guy.

Speaker 5 Yeah, so I really hadn't thought about it that much. I guess I'm not really a visor guy outside of football because I really don't maybe fishing once in a while, but I usually don't ever wear a visor.

Speaker 5 I don't know why, why that is. I always wear hats.
So I like the feeling of a hat, but yet for a game

Speaker 5 or practice, I would not like the feeling of a hat.

Speaker 3 I think it's got to do with the headset. So does that mean that when you wear a hat like out on the street, do you feel like you're cheating on the visor?

Speaker 5 No, plus it draws less attention to me. I feel like if I put a visor on, I become more recognizable.
So the hat is less recognizable and I don't really like to be recognized. Yeah, so

Speaker 5 that's probably part of it, too.

Speaker 3 If I saw you wearing a hat, I would probably be like, That's Daniel Tosh or Ben Rothlessberger's second cousin, right?

Speaker 5 I did get at LAX, I got the Ben Rothlessberger.

Speaker 3 Yeah, if you grow the beard out,

Speaker 5 yeah, and I think Ben's like 260, so that didn't make me feel real good.

Speaker 3 No, but you've lost weight. So, if you were, so you wear the hat, and then if you were trying to like not be recognized, would you do anything else?

Speaker 3 Change your name?

Speaker 5 Headphones. Got it.
And then, like,

Speaker 5 airports or something. Mm-hmm.
So then it's like people are kind of like, all right, I'm going to go up and bother him, but no, I'm really not because he's on the phone.

Speaker 5 And I'm really maybe not on the phone. I'm going to just pretend I'm on the phone.

Speaker 3 Right. So I've recognized, like, in the last several years, you've become much more open with the media.

Speaker 3 You've been, you know, doing interviews like this, letting a little personality out, kind of like, you know, Tom Brady's now in Tampa Bay, and you can kind of get a little insight as to who who this person is.

Speaker 3 Are you a little bit concerned with all the rat poison that you're going to be getting from the media gassing you up?

Speaker 5 I'm not. I think I kind of naturally was open with the media.
And then I think, you know, you get burned a few times on that. So maybe you like close up a little bit.
So,

Speaker 5 you know, so I just decided when I got here to just go back to being myself.

Speaker 3 Is it

Speaker 3 you've had a career that like, you know, many stops and also you're kind of like a lightning rod where people like to talk about you.

Speaker 3 Was there a moment in time in the travels of your career where you're like, wow, like for some reason, I'm a coach that makes headlines. And like you said, the media likes to talk about me.

Speaker 3 Did you have that conscious thought? Like, oh, man, everything I do is going to be analyzed more than other coaches?

Speaker 5 Yeah, I don't know why that is. I'm sure it's a number of factors.
And,

Speaker 5 you know, but

Speaker 5 it's been that way for a long time. Pat Hayden at USC used to call call it like the kiffin effect like no matter what you do

Speaker 3 it's getting tagged in a story even if it's not even relevant to it you know like and and you can say something it's going to be spun good or bad but it's going to be spun for sure a certain way so i don't really know why that is but it's been that way for a while i have a theory i think it is so you were uh the youngest head coach in nfl history at the time when you were hired by the raiders you you know uh an ending at tennessee that caused riots on campus, the firing at USC, but everything that you've done, and you've had success, you had failures, whatever, but it's all nothing like truly bad.

Speaker 3 It's all kind of been in good fun. So it's like the fun part of sports, you know what I mean?

Speaker 3 So you, people feel like they can talk about it where there's not like some actual controversy that has followed you that it makes it not fun to talk about.

Speaker 3 So you're, I don't know what it is, but you're just kind of a fun guy to discuss and talk about. And I also think you have a level of

Speaker 3 you were said to be kind of an offensive genius. And so now everyone who gets attached to you, you're like, ooh, Lane Kiffin, like, he's got it in there somewhere.

Speaker 3 Ole Miss, like, going to score a million points this year, as far as I'm concerned.

Speaker 5 Yeah, well, I don't know if you saw our schedule before you say a million points. We don't really, we don't really have the non-conference schedule like they usually have here.

Speaker 5 So, um, but yeah, I don't know. I think sometimes maybe when people get a lot early,

Speaker 5 you know, maybe people, you know, people don't like them, you know, and so

Speaker 5 getting getting so much so early and,

Speaker 5 you know,

Speaker 5 having a name in coaching, which obviously helps you, you know, get that stuff

Speaker 5 for whatever reason, I think that that was probably part of it, too.

Speaker 3 So the SEC West this year is absolutely stacked with coaches, just like the most entertaining group of people I think that have ever led a single conference in a major sport here.

Speaker 3 You've got Pittman, Malzahn,

Speaker 3 Jimbo,

Speaker 3 Leech, yourself, Coacho, Nick Sabin. You get all those guys in a room.
Who's the alpha? Who's the one calling the shots? If you guys are out to dinner, who's making the order for the table?

Speaker 5 Well, that group's not going out to dinner, first off. I can promise you that.

Speaker 3 That's true. That's true.

Speaker 5 It'd be a very stiff dinner.

Speaker 5 So

Speaker 5 I don't know.

Speaker 5 I mean, in coaching, especially that, you got national championship coaches. There's a lot of alphas in there.

Speaker 5 So it'd probably be hard to order because everybody would try to order everything and try to be the boss because they're used to being the boss. So

Speaker 5 Coach O would probably win, though, because

Speaker 5 Coach State would probably be kind of scared when Coach O just starts yelling at around and stands up from the table, you know? So I would say Coach O probably would win in the end.

Speaker 3 Coach O would probably bring his own like 600 pounds of crawfish to the table too and just dump them on the table.

Speaker 5 That would, he's still swollen. I just saw that 60 minutes the other night.

Speaker 3 Yes.

Speaker 5 My man looks like he used to always tell me, he's like,

Speaker 5 the day will never come that I can't bench no three plates. 3:15, I will

Speaker 5 die no matter what. So he looks like he's still doing it.

Speaker 3 Are you, would you say that you're closest to Coach O amongst that group?

Speaker 5 Um, I think just obviously Coach O from you know, working with him at USC as assistants and Tennessee and then USC again,

Speaker 5 um, you know, we've been through a lot.

Speaker 3 Yeah, so what about the I read a story once uh before you

Speaker 3 Tennessee went and played Alabama, the famous Terrence Cody game.

Speaker 3 Coach O pumped everyone up before the game by throwing a projector against the wall and smashing it into a million pieces.

Speaker 3 Can you confirm that story? And how pumped up did you get after seeing Coach O do that?

Speaker 5 Well, that's really not that abnormal.

Speaker 3 So I don't even remember.

Speaker 5 But we've broken a lot of projectors.

Speaker 5 We used to be in the bill,

Speaker 5 you know, from the special and D-line meeting. And,

Speaker 5 you know, that's nothing. We had chandeliers in a hotel one time before I remember that he broke.
So

Speaker 5 that would, that probably happened.

Speaker 3 Yep. Yeah.
And it pumped up the team, I would assume. I mean, you guys played a hell of a game.

Speaker 3 Obviously, the ending wasn't the way you wanted it to go, but as big-time underdogs, Coacho, he always seemed like the type of guy that could get the most out of the players, even if you're overmatched in terms of Jimmy's and Joe's.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I mean, the players players love to play for him and his energy that he brings every day.

Speaker 5 I mean, it was neat watching that 60 minutes the other day, just seeing him still just as the same old coacho on the phone recruiting.

Speaker 5 It's awesome to see somebody that hasn't changed even with the success.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I'm going to give you a scenario here. Just say, hypothetically, Big Cat and I,

Speaker 3 we're 17-year-old five-star prospects. Big Cat's a holder.
I'm a kicker. We could really make the difference for your team.

Speaker 11 I thought you'd be a fullback.

Speaker 3 Okay, fine. For this purpose, I'll be fullback.
Big Cat, what do you want to be? I'll be a holder still. Still a holder.
But we're legit. We're like blue chip guys, okay?

Speaker 5 But you're infatuated with fullbacks, if I remember right.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I am absolutely infatuated with fullbacks. I think it's the best position in sports.

Speaker 3 But

Speaker 3 if we're in a living room, you come to our house, we're twins, and you're trying to get us. We're also being recruited by Nick Saban, by Coach O, by a lot of those guys in the SEC West.

Speaker 3 How do you differentiate your program?

Speaker 3 What is going to sell us on attending Ole Miss as opposed to going to a school that might have just won a national championship?

Speaker 5 Well, I think there's something too coming to somewhere at the beginning, you know, before it's established and before it's rolling.

Speaker 5 And some of those places, you got to wait a little longer, you know, because the rosters are more staffed like we will be in a few years. So

Speaker 5 I think sometimes you go with a new staff that hasn't had that success at the place in a few years.

Speaker 5 uh you know you got ability to play to play sooner as well and make a bigger impact especially with name image and likeness, you know, potentially coming up.

Speaker 3 And then how much money do you leave behind?

Speaker 3 That's going to be, I'll be honest, that's how I'm making my decision.

Speaker 3 Can I give you a tip, though, Coach? You need to

Speaker 3 bring the powder blues back and wear the powder blues all the time. And then just that would be, like, if you came into my living room and like, hey, you can wear these, I'm in.

Speaker 3 As long as UNC isn't recruiting me, I'm in.

Speaker 5 Yeah, well, we're wearing them for the opener, so for the first time ever. So,

Speaker 5 you know, I hear that from our players from recruits. So we're working that direction.

Speaker 3 Okay. All right.

Speaker 3 You've kind of been known as a quarterback whisperer. Do you like that term, a quarterback whisperer?

Speaker 5 I don't know. That's kind of, I don't even know.
That's kind of strange, but

Speaker 5 I've been

Speaker 5 be around a lot of really good quarterbacks, you know, with a lot of really good players around them, too.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Yeah, I don't know who came up with the term, maybe quarterback guru.
No, let's stick with whisperer for this case.

Speaker 3 So as a quarterback Whisperer, how important is it to you to have a quarterback whose name sounds like he's going to be an awesome quarterback?

Speaker 3 For example, like Blake Sims, that's a great quarterback name.

Speaker 3 John David Booty, another very strong quarterback name. I actually thought that Montana Murphy was the best quarterback name of them all.

Speaker 3 But how important is that to you to just hear a name and you're like, yeah, that guy sounds like my quarterback?

Speaker 5 I don't know. I mean, I think it is neat when it is, you know, just like an actor or something when they just have like the right name and it's just a name.
But

Speaker 5 I'm sure there's some boring names that have been really good quarterbacks before.

Speaker 3 You guys have one this year, John Rhys Plumlee, where if you go three names in the SEC, I immediately think you're good, kind of like the John David Booty. So you got that going for you.

Speaker 5 Yeah, that happens a lot here in the South. So you get a lot of three names here.
And a lot of times it's two first names to start.

Speaker 3 Yes, yes, I'm in for that.

Speaker 3 I have a question about your FAU. I don't even know if you even remember, but you did a hype video for FAU.

Speaker 3 What was up with that one?

Speaker 3 Did you think you nailed it? Because you didn't nail it.

Speaker 3 But did you think you nailed it? Was it one take?

Speaker 5 Yeah, we did that on purpose.

Speaker 3 Okay. All right.
Okay.

Speaker 5 When would FAU

Speaker 5 ever be on Sports Center for just some little commercial? So we did it so bad. all right that later that day it's on sports center went how else does that happen genius It's very special.

Speaker 3 Okay, so you genius. That's great.
That's great to know that that was, and it was just enough believable where it's like, I think they're not joking, but there you go.

Speaker 3 The answer to that is you did it on purpose and it worked perfectly because I agree. Like that one went viral.
Yeah, the owls. Yeah.

Speaker 5 FAU. It's really exciting here by your season.

Speaker 3 It's perfect. It's perfect.
And then not long after that, I remember you got obsessed with bitmojis for a while. Are you still obsessed with bitmojis?

Speaker 5 I grew out of that. Okay.

Speaker 5 Kind of matured out of that a little bit.

Speaker 3 Were you updating your own bitmoji? Because it looked a lot like you.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I don't know how to do that. Someone does that for me.

Speaker 3 You had a bitmoji guy. Yeah.
I kind of forgot about that. Yes.
It was like everyone's mom and Lane Kiffin were in on bitmojis for a period there.

Speaker 5 Cool.

Speaker 3 So

Speaker 3 I want to go back to USC. The first time you were at USC, when you have all that talent around you, you're tight end coach, wide receiver coach, offensive coordinator, passing game coordinator.

Speaker 3 Was it like when you have that much talent, does it make it easier or harder for a coach?

Speaker 3 Because harder in the fact that everyone's expecting something or easier, you can just roll it out and be like, Matt Leinert, Reggie Bush, go out and play.

Speaker 5 Way easier.

Speaker 5 I would never complain about having great players. And so,

Speaker 5 and I've said it. a bunch, you know, whether it's just Sarkeesian or other coaches that we had, like, or Coach O,

Speaker 5 you don't, especially when you're young, you can't appreciate something like that when you're in it.

Speaker 5 I try to tell our players, you know, when we're on a good run somewhere, you know, to really enjoy it, but you, you really can't

Speaker 5 because you're in it and you just kind of think, oh, yeah, this is neat. Like, but now that I look back years later, I mean, that run, 34 straight wins,

Speaker 5 you know, and

Speaker 5 one play here or there from, you know, beating Texas for three straight national championships. I mean, three Heisman winners in four years.
I I mean, that just doesn't happen. And so

Speaker 5 we knew it was needed at the time, but now that you look back, it really was amazing. Yeah, I've been part of

Speaker 5 two great ones. Then go to Alabama.
And, you know, when we left there, I think we'd won 26 straight or 26 straight games.

Speaker 5 You know, and then the national championship was later that month. But

Speaker 5 just really, really fortunate and so many cool players and

Speaker 5 great programs.

Speaker 3 You mentioned one or two plays that kept you just short. One of those plays, I would have to imagine, is the misguided downfield lateral.

Speaker 3 Have you thought that maybe incorporating some design downfield laterals into your offense would give you that next step that maybe some teams are going to come to copy five, 10 years from now?

Speaker 3 Because I actually think that if there's a smart offensive coach that can work out, you know, not just the hook and ladder play, but some other plays that incorporate downfield pitches, I think that that would really open up an offense and kind of be the future of football.

Speaker 3 Have you considered any of that?

Speaker 5 I have actually thought about it, but ball security, you know, for years has been taught, you know, and preached so much.

Speaker 5 But if you would play more like you play in the park or like people play video games, I bet you you'd be better in some areas.

Speaker 5 You know, like you catch it and the guys are there, you just throw it over there, you know, just like you would if you're playing football or playing in the park, you know, but we don't do that because, you know, ball security, but I do think there is something to that.

Speaker 3 So along that same line,

Speaker 3 it feels like football now, we were having this discussion on Sunday, actually, how it's changed, and coaches are more willing to go for it on fourth down because the analytics have been proven and the fan bases and the media accept it more.

Speaker 3 Whereas, like 25 years ago, you just never went for it on fourth down because you get killed for it. Have you felt that as a coach?

Speaker 3 The difference in like, if I go for it on fourth down, there'll actually be a lot of people who have my back here versus 15 years ago when you were coaching. It's like, no, we can't do this.

Speaker 5 Yeah, not even 15 or 25 i'd say four or five years ago people still weren't doing it so um we started getting some analytics actually at usc but it wasn't near what it is now and so i think the ability

Speaker 5 that you have it on paper and you can refer back to that say you know i just looked at the charts what you know is what the analytics say to do i think that makes coaches feel more comfortable and and Because people are doing that, the media is more accepting of it.

Speaker 5 And especially in college, I don't understand. I've never understood college media.

Speaker 5 You see some of the worst game management ever at major programs in college football, and it's like nobody says anything.

Speaker 5 In the NFL, you get killed that night for it, you know, and the next day in the paper and or during the broadcast. I've never understood that.
Why

Speaker 5 people get to slide with such terrible clock management and management of situations in college versus the NFL.

Speaker 3 Do you have a clock guy, a guy who just specializes in game scenarios and advises you when to use a timeout, when not to?

Speaker 5 No, I don't, I don't, I

Speaker 5 I don't have that, but I do have a book guy, a guy that is in the analytic book.

Speaker 5 So on third down, as soon as it goes to third, maybe it's third and eight on the minus 42, he says, hey, four or less, you're going for it, you know? So I do have that

Speaker 5 from an analytics standpoint, but

Speaker 5 the timeouts and stuff like that, I hope that I've got that figured out.

Speaker 3 You should just invent a clock guy, like a clock management guy.

Speaker 3 He doesn't even exist, but that way, if anybody questions you about your late-game clock management, you can be like, Yeah, that's Greg, my clock guy. So, he's an expert on all this stuff.

Speaker 3 I defer to him. And then, if things don't go well, then you can fire Greg halfway through the season and take over clock duties from him.

Speaker 5 That's actually a great idea.

Speaker 3 Yeah, just make employees up.

Speaker 5 Yes.

Speaker 5 I'll just name the guy Big Cat. We're like the big cat upstairs.

Speaker 3 That would work.

Speaker 3 Do you have a holdback guy?

Speaker 5 Yes,

Speaker 5 our strength coach is a get-back guy.

Speaker 3 Okay, that's a good choice. But you've been doing Pilates, like you said, before you came on.

Speaker 3 So do you think he's got a like you got to be worried that he's not going to be able to hold you back now that your core is just fucking rocking right now?

Speaker 5 Yeah, but he's like 26 and he's like really ripped. So he'll be all right.
And

Speaker 5 I usually don't need to get held back. It's usually defensive.
If you think about it, it's usually defensive coaches, defensive head coaches or defensive coordinators.

Speaker 5 They're usually the worst ones that go on the field.

Speaker 3 Yeah. I actually didn't think about that, but that's true.

Speaker 3 Do you get, do, you get excited? Like, does the hair stand on your arm, stand up on your arm when you call a trick play or a trick play is coming and you know, like, ooh, here we go.

Speaker 3 Let's do something special here.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I think more than trick plays is when it's something that, like, you call for an exact coverage, exact situation, and then you get that.

Speaker 5 That's when I think it's really cool because you help the player score versus just, oh, I handed off and the guy made the guy miss. That happens all the time to people.

Speaker 5 And I just say, you know, coaches get all excited. They're celebrating.
Well, we didn't even block the linebacker, but he made the guy miss.

Speaker 5 And I I still always say on the headset, I'm like, I don't know why you guys are so excited. That's called good recruiting.
That's not good coaching.

Speaker 3 Right, right.

Speaker 5 But the cool coaching to me is when, you know, you really scheme something up versus an exact thing, and you can tell before the snap, or you actually audible from the sideline, like you whistle, you check something for the quarterback, you audible it for him as a coach, and then it works to get to, you know, against what's being played.

Speaker 5 That's pretty cool to me.

Speaker 3 You mentioned fullbacks earlier. And yeah, it is my favorite position by far.
We're a big fullback podcast here.

Speaker 3 We invented the college football award, known as the lowman award, the lowman trophy, that goes to the nation's top fullback. Are you going to be utilizing a fullback in your offense this year?

Speaker 5 We are not, sad to say, and I really do, I really do appreciate the fullback. We had it forever.

Speaker 5 We had the best one ever. Tom Rathman, actually,

Speaker 5 the running back coach at the Raiders. And so, one of the great ones, Lorenzo Neal.

Speaker 5 Fresno State right before I did.

Speaker 5 But we've just moved to tempo and we're more spread now. And so we've just kind of fallen by the wayside, unfortunately.

Speaker 3 You should just get one really jacked guy, like have him just be a walk-on, the strongest person in the weight room on campus.

Speaker 3 List him as a fullback, give him a huge ass neck roll just for the intimidation factor. And all he does is just stand on the sideline.

Speaker 5 We've had that at Alabama, and he's actually works here now as one of our assistant coaches, Michael Neuswinder. He let he was the fullback for Derrick Henry and he was 46.
They called him Highway 46.

Speaker 5 He said,

Speaker 5 just drive behind Highway 46. He was a walk-on kid that works for us now here.

Speaker 5 Awesome story.

Speaker 3 That's fantastic. So talking about Alabama real quick, I want to go back, maybe not a great memory, but Western Kentucky, Alabama, 38-10, fourth quarter, 45 seconds left.

Speaker 3 Coach Sabin rips you a new one. Are you thinking in your head, like, this is going to get replayed a million times on Sports Center? And I'm going to be trending on Twitter in a minute here.

Speaker 5 I really wasn't because he does that all the time. So I really wasn't thinking anything about it being a big deal.
I was just like, oh, this is, you know,

Speaker 5 Saturday, and this just happened Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. So what's the big deal?

Speaker 5 I really didn't think much of it at all.

Speaker 3 Okay. Okay.
Because that one, yeah.

Speaker 5 If you actually pay attention to it,

Speaker 5 the fumble happens before they score.

Speaker 5 So he doesn't lose his mind when the fumble happens on me. He loses his mind when they score a touchdown against the defense.

Speaker 5 That's when he really loses his mind.

Speaker 3 Right. So that's more about results over process.

Speaker 5 That's affecting stats now. Now that he's just got affected.

Speaker 3 Yes. And I think that the reason why everyone talked about it was because it was 38 to 10 with like 40 seconds left.
The game had been over for a very long time and Saban is losing his mind.

Speaker 3 Was there ever

Speaker 3 ever a calm Nick Saban? Is there ever like like a

Speaker 3 chuckle hut Nick Saban like kicking it back with the boys and having a few laughs or is he just intense all the time?

Speaker 5 I would never say that I've seen him kick it back with the boys. That's for sure.

Speaker 3 Maybe

Speaker 3 turn the volume up on the weather channel.

Speaker 5 He does watch the weather channel every morning, actually, now that you say that, because he comes into the staff meeting in the morning and he'll already know the weather.

Speaker 5 It's like, well, on the weather channel, it said it's going to rain today. So he does watch that every morning.

Speaker 5 What was that interview process like with him him when when you're going down there i read that you spent about a week uh going over the offense watching film before you actually did the interview i don't know if that's true or not but um what was the what was the process like when you're trying to become the offensive coordinator at alabama uh well i had been there after i got fired at usc didn't have much to do so uh he actually offered that i could come out there like a lot of coaches do and just watch practice and hang around and stuff then after the season when they had a job opening then then he flew me back there for an interview and it's pretty extensive.

Speaker 5 And you meet with the whole staff and with him and have dinner with him. So,

Speaker 5 pretty extensive interview process.

Speaker 3 Like, are there actual questions about

Speaker 3 what type of plays would you run in this scenario? Or is it just getting to know if he can work with you?

Speaker 3 Because I have to assume that you have a pretty big body of evidence of what you've done for offenses in the past.

Speaker 5 Yeah, he's, you know, to his credit, that's not how coach works. It doesn't matter what you've done.

Speaker 5 So, you still come in there and you interview, you go on the board, he asks you, how do you attack this coverage? What do you do here? So that's why he's so good at things.

Speaker 3 The ending at USC,

Speaker 3 is there a part of you, like when you get on the team plane, you like try to run up the stairs to be like, all right, got on, like I'm on. They can't kick me off now.

Speaker 3 Or like, are you get, do you get nervous about being on tar max? Is there something that has psychologically left with you since that incident?

Speaker 5 Well, I had no clue. So I got on the plane because we were flying back after the game.
I had no clue what was happening.

Speaker 5 You know, I mean, we lost the game, but we were were still three and two and and we were down 30 scholarships and so you know i'd been told all along hey we understand this stuff's going to happen you know look at history look at miami when they had it you know you basically get the death penalty you know probation and 30 scholarships you ain't winning a lot of games so i we were 28 15 at the time i had no clue so um maybe i'm naive but um so that happened once we landed and then i got off to get on the bus to go back to the office to actually sleep at the office to get started on the next opponent and that's when i got pulled off the bus and

Speaker 3 and uh the rest of history yeah i mean that's kind of a bullshit way to get fired i would say that's not that's not really fair um i think you i think that makes you a sympathetic figure in that instance i also like the fact that you're about to sleep at your office that's the ultimate football guy yeah i mean

Speaker 5 you know i felt bad we lost and just it was whatever three o'clock in the morning so i used to go home just go back to the office sleep on the couch, and get ready to get going.

Speaker 3 Obviously, you're excited about this upcoming season right now. So am I.

Speaker 3 I'm wishing all the best for you at Ole Miss. I think that you guys will be fun to watch.

Speaker 3 We play this game with everybody. We ask every single guest that we have on the show this question.
Let's just say

Speaker 3 it is March 1st of 2021. Ole Miss is national champions.

Speaker 3 How does Lane Kiffen, head coach of the New York Jets, sound to you?

Speaker 5 Oh,

Speaker 5 terrible.

Speaker 3 That's the correct answer. Correct answer.
That actually tells me you've got great instincts.

Speaker 5 Yes.

Speaker 5 Have you seen their roster?

Speaker 3 Was it, is it, is it,

Speaker 3 you've done NFL.

Speaker 3 Are you a college football coach for life now? Like, is it, I would imagine that the NFL just being a different beast altogether.

Speaker 5 I would think so. I've always enjoyed college more, especially after, you know, coming back to it.
And as you get older, just working with kids.

Speaker 5 and you know there's a lot of neat things about the NFL a lot of people love it you know you get a lot of free time and don't work in off-season hardly at all anymore

Speaker 3 but you know I enjoy the recruiting I enjoy the different seasons of college football yeah my last question for you it's about a tweet that you had this was I think maybe a year ago you tweeted out a meme with Kim Jong-un it said breaking news Kim Jong-un has turned down the University of Tennessee job

Speaker 3 first of all great meme second of all you followed it up by saying you did not know who Kim Jong-un was. Do you now know who Kim Jong-un is?

Speaker 5 I just didn't know maybe what his title was. I just thought it was funny.

Speaker 3 I like your shoe from the hip guy on Twitter. That's what coaches need to be.

Speaker 5 Yeah, coaches aren't like that. I'm just thinking of myself as a normal person on Twitter.
So I know people make a big deal of it, but

Speaker 5 life's too short to really worry that much about what you retweet and is it proper and all that. I mean, come on, guys.

Speaker 11 Yeah.

Speaker 3 I mean, the state of Mississippi has a meme off on their hands between you and then, obviously, Mike Leach is a real big meme guy as well. Have you compared notes?

Speaker 5 I'm not. I love Leachy.
He's awesome. Always have.
You know, we were together in the Pac-12, so league meetings and getting to know him. And he's unique, but I do like that he don't give a shit.

Speaker 5 I do like that part.

Speaker 3 Yes. All right, my last question.
So you

Speaker 3 confirmed an alias, but denied the alias that everyone jokes about. You said that Joey Freshwater was not your alias.
Jimmy Chestnut was.

Speaker 3 I want you to be able to now, at this point, tell us that it actually was Joey Freshwater because Jimmy Chestnut sounds lame. Joey Freshwater is the coolest name out there.

Speaker 5 Yes, it is. If I said that, I was joking when I said Jimmy, I think I said it to you one time.
Yeah, and my buddy's name is Jimmy Chestnut. I think that's what I said.

Speaker 3 Okay, so you were Joey Freshwater.

Speaker 5 Joey Freshwater is a great name. Now, that name actually started when my kids were young.
And so

Speaker 5 dad, everybody turns around dad, and they're not going to say Lane, you know, obviously. So I said, and their friends would come over.
So instead of saying Mr.

Speaker 5 Kiffin, we're at the, you know, we're at Target or movies and everybody turns around like, you know, wants to talk to you and realizes, oh, there's a coach, you know, Coach Kiffin.

Speaker 5 So I told their, their friends, they all called me. I just said, hey, my name is Joey.
So they still to this day call me Joey, even though now they're like in, now they're like.

Speaker 5 in you know 10th grade now but they still call me joey when i come back around that's actually where that started i don't know where the freshwater part came up with

Speaker 3 i don't know i can't remember that part that's i i hope that you coached for long enough that you someday actually recruited joey freshwater because that like the odds are eventually you'll find one right and you'll have to give him a scholarship and then everything will be complete you win a national title with joey freshwater in 25 years and ride off in the sunset that would be that would actually be really cool somebody named someone read that story then named their kid Joey Freshwater.

Speaker 5 That'd be awful.

Speaker 3 It's probably happened.

Speaker 3 There probably is some kid.

Speaker 5 No one's last name is Freshwater, probably, but maybe like they have a last name, like Anderson, but then they name the kid Joey Freshwater Anderson. Yes, yes.

Speaker 5 He just goes by Joey Fresh.

Speaker 3 I bet you that there are at least six five-year-olds in the state of Alabama right now named Joey Freshwater XYZ.

Speaker 5 Probably animals for sure.

Speaker 3 Yes. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 5 I get all the time like, oh, I named my dog Lane. I'm like, oh, that's cool.

Speaker 3 It's a sweet compliment.

Speaker 5 I named my kitty Kiffin.

Speaker 3 Well, coach, this has been awesome.

Speaker 3 Best of luck this year. We'd love to have you back on.
Well, you have to come back on now whenever we ask because you're a recurring guest.

Speaker 3 We appreciate it. I'm so happy that you confirmed the FAU.
I don't know if you'd have done that before, but the FAU video, which is still one of my favorite videos. But best of luck this year.

Speaker 3 It was great talking to you, and we will be rooting for Ole Miss now. Well, we're rooting for LSU over Ole Miss.
I hope you understand.

Speaker 3 Coach O's still our guy, but I think you become number two in the SEC West. What? Who's number two? Leech? I think it's number.

Speaker 3 Yeah,

Speaker 3 I think you're number two. I think you're number two.

Speaker 5 I bet I stayed on longer than Leech. We had like technical difficulties, you know? Yeah.

Speaker 3 No. Well,

Speaker 3 Leech stayed on longer, but only because he pauses between every single sentence as he thinks of like another fact fact about an animal.

Speaker 3 Well, and Leach also stayed on longer because he wanted to talk about what's the law in Texas that he.

Speaker 3 Oh, the

Speaker 3 sovereign immunity. Sovereign immunity.
He did about 35 minutes about sovereign immunity with Coach Leach. He just wants his money from Texas Tech.
You know what? Here's what we'll do. All right.

Speaker 3 Here is it. Here it is.
LSU is our number one in the SEC West. That's clear because Coach O's our guy for a long time.
We're not going to change allegiance there.

Speaker 3 This year's Egg Bull decides if we're Coach Kiffin or Coach Leech, guys.

Speaker 5 Let's go. I'm on it.
I'll take the bet.

Speaker 3 Okay. Love it.
All right. Well, thanks so much, Coach, and best of luck, and we'll talk soon.

Speaker 5 All right, guys. Have a great week.

Speaker 3 All right. See you there, Coach.

Speaker 3 That interview with Lane Kiffin was brought to you by our favorite friends at.

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Speaker 3 And now, here's Morton Anderson, the great Dane.

Speaker 3 All right, we now welcome on recurring guest Morton Anderson, our good friend, PFT's coach. My guru.
Guru, whisperer. Morton,

Speaker 3 good to see you. Good to talk to you.

Speaker 3 We wanted to get you on because, well, it's been corrected, but we would, I think it's going to pop up again why every kicker seems to suck now in the NFL with no one in the stands.

Speaker 3 So can you give us at least a little insight into that?

Speaker 11 There's no adversity. There's no dynamic.
There's no, you know, you need a dynamic environment to excel in the world of suck.

Speaker 11 There's no world of suck. It's a sterile environment.

Speaker 3 So you're saying it's easier for kickers to go out there if they have, you know, 60,000 people that feel strongly one way or another about them?

Speaker 11 Yeah. Yeah, you want to, you want to have them, you want to get interaction.
You want people to react, whether it's good or bad, really is irrelevant.

Speaker 11 But the fact is that when you're out there, you should feel alive and not like you're in a mouse in a laboratory.

Speaker 3 But isn't it kind of similar to practice?

Speaker 3 You know, you don't have fans around at practice, and a lot of kickers, you hear about them being, you know, money during the week, not missing a kick, and then on Sunday they go out and they stink.

Speaker 11 Yeah, yeah, PFT. But do you remember when you came to Atlanta and worked out with me? Yeah.

Speaker 11 What did I tell you about practice?

Speaker 3 You said you can control the things things that you can control, your preparation and your effort level.

Speaker 11 I said you got to bleed in peace so you don't have to bleed in war. I said to you that

Speaker 11 you have to make it uncomfortable in practice. So what I did, okay, so to my point earlier, you got to tell your 80 teammates or whatever you have, 50 now, 50, a couple 50s, right?

Speaker 11 You got to yell and scream at you.

Speaker 11 You have six live kicks, let's say, doing practice they gotta they gotta talk about your mama they gotta whatever it takes

Speaker 3 they gotta make it uncomfortable so if you got a lineman right next to you when you're trying to you know make it make it through the pipes that's as real as it gets yeah so i mean you did bring that up when we were down in atlanta you would have me like put myself in a situation inside my own head okay here it's uh 30 yard line 12 seconds left quarterback just spiked the ball.

Speaker 3 You have to go out and take the kick right now. Like it's an actual game situation.

Speaker 3 So what you're saying is you should have the opposing defense in practice start screaming at you and yelling at you because I would imagine that you can hear more of that on the playing field right now during a game than you could ever before.

Speaker 3 So the kickers can actually

Speaker 3 hear the shit talk coming from the opposition.

Speaker 11 That's right. So

Speaker 11 just make it as tough as you can, as real as you can in practice. And it's actually going to be worse

Speaker 11 in practice for you. It's going to be more difficult for you in practice than it is in the games right now.

Speaker 11 It's a very sterile environment. It's very weird to watch as a fan.

Speaker 5 I mean, it's

Speaker 11 eerie, you know, and

Speaker 11 but it's good for a lot of other things, you know.

Speaker 3 What was the worst game you ever had? How many kicks did you miss in the worst game you ever had?

Speaker 11 Like, I missed three in one game. I think it was the opening season, 19.
It was right after our Super Bowl,

Speaker 11 which was was 99. So in 1999, we were playing the Vikings, which we had beaten the NFC Championship game.
And I think Gary and I together missed like five or six kicks in that game.

Speaker 5 It was just absolutely horrible.

Speaker 11 Okay. And this was at home in the Georgia Dome, so there was a lot of booing.

Speaker 3 So I ask that because we watched last week Monday Night Football, Stephen Gostowski missed three kicks, and it becomes, as a viewer, you're watching it, and

Speaker 3 it takes on almost, it's almost bigger than the game the plot of will the kicker miss the next kick so when you're in that spot and you've had a game where you're off are you standing on the sideline being like i i hope we don't ever have to kick again i hope my number doesn't get called because something's going on in my head right now and i don't know what it is

Speaker 11 no i'm salivating at that point because i i know that i you know i know i screwed it up so i i gotta get back in there i gotta get that nasty taste out of my mouth and so i'm salivating you know now it happens a second time and you're like hmm that's that's interesting that usually doesn't happen to me that's like not normal so i kind of chalked it up to that's not normal that's never going to happen again then it happened the third time

Speaker 5 and

Speaker 11 you know then i was kind of glad the game was almost over right

Speaker 11 at that point you know you chalk it up to an l it's it's just a bad day at the office yeah it does happen yeah but the weird thing was I missed three kicks all kinds of different ways you know it what I pushed one I pulled one I hit one like a knuckleball so it was a really weird day for me so how did you how did you go out of 382 games yeah yeah one yeah

Speaker 3 so how did you go into the next game to fix it or were you at the point where like you said chalk it up to an l it's never happened anything close to this before so i assume it won't happen again or did you take some sort of like active measure to to fix what was broken i just went back to basics, PFT.

Speaker 11 I just, you know what I did? I just went back and looked at the film. Very simple.
I went back and looked at film when I balled, you know, when I hit them, when I was piping them.

Speaker 11 And I just looked at like 10 to 12 kicks. I said, all right, that looks smooth.
That looks good. I didn't overanalyze because I knew it wasn't

Speaker 11 a pattern, you know, it was just one of those things. Can't explain it.
I didn't overanalyze. I didn't overthink it.

Speaker 11 I just said, okay, I'm 0 for 3 that game.

Speaker 5 I think I was one for four maybe that game.

Speaker 11 So that's a bad day at the office. Now everybody else is talking about it.
I can't do anything about that, but

Speaker 11 I can do a lot about game two, you know, when I'm coming back. And I think I went, I think I balled actually.
I don't know if I had a game winner in the next game. We could look it up.

Speaker 11 1999, game two, Falcons.

Speaker 3 So what about, though, with Kostowski especially? He, week two, he kicks, he misses an extra point, then he hits a 51-yarder, and he hits a 49-yarder for the game winner. What's going on there where

Speaker 3 the short ones are harder than the long ones? Like, that makes no sense.

Speaker 11 No, you know, when I've always, and I think I told you this, PFT, too, when we talked about 50-yarders. Oh, that wasn't really relevant for you.
No, I'm not trying to insult you or anything.

Speaker 3 Just a fact.

Speaker 3 Yeah, just a fact.

Speaker 11 I mean, it was 30. You missed a 30.
I told you you had to be money inside 40.

Speaker 11 But to answer you, big, big cat, to answer your question on the 51 and the 40.

Speaker 11 So I always thought about like to fool myself into thinking there was a shorter kick, I would always say like a 50-yarder

Speaker 11 is like a 45-yarder with a little bit of room to spare, you know?

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 11 So men,

Speaker 11 does that kind of make, you know, it's almost like you have a you have a 10-foot putt, but it's kind of,

Speaker 11 you know, it's kind of a, it's a two-foot putt.

Speaker 3 with an eight-foot lag. I like that.
I like that. That's a good way to mentally think about it because this stuff is fascinating to me.

Speaker 3 Kickers psychology, we joke about it, but when you are

Speaker 3 going bad, you probably have to play tricks on your own mind to figure out a way to get it going good.

Speaker 11 Well, you do. And you got to have a system.
You got to go ahead. You always have to have a happy place you can go to.

Speaker 11 And I, you know, so when you miss three in a game, you can go and look at some film or you can go and look at some experiences.

Speaker 11 That's why when you're a young guy, and you don't have skins on the wall,

Speaker 11 you know, it's tough to go back and look at successes because you don't have any. You might have some in college, and you can certainly go back and look at film from that.

Speaker 11 But until you get some skins on the wall, you know, it's tough to

Speaker 11 revert back to that happy place. And so I just had a few things, a few tools, a few coping mechanisms, if you will, that helped me when.

Speaker 11 you know, when everything, when the shit hit the fan, basically. And so,

Speaker 11 and it didn't do it that often, you know what I mean? It was basically pretty, pretty darn consistent, 80% throughout my career. So eight out of 10 times I stepped on the field, I had success.

Speaker 11 I'm pretty pleased with that. You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 Yeah. So you had your happy place was just memories of you doing things correctly on the football field.
Yeah, just looking at the film. You had a very full spank bank of successes that you've had.

Speaker 11 Just kinesthetics, feel. I was a big, you know, I liked looking at film, but I also knew it has to feel right on the foot.
It feels kind of effortless and the motion through the ball feels effortless.

Speaker 11 I mean, look at Butger with Kansas City the other night. It was almost like a jugs machine.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 11 I mean, he's got a 53-yard, he pipes it. Oh, there's a five-yard penalty.
Oh, he pipes that. Oh, there's a timeout or, you know.
He hits three in a row from 53 plus. I mean, it was huge.

Speaker 11 And it just looked effortless to me.

Speaker 11 And when you can go there and free your body up with breathing, and we talked PFT, we talked about the breathing part.

Speaker 11 You can't hold your breath when you're trying to do something like kicking a football in the NFL game. You got to exhale and exhale and then

Speaker 11 bring that breath control through the ball.

Speaker 3 That's what you want. So the end of that game, when Bucker hit those two 58-yarders back-to-back, the second one, I feel like it looked like it would have been good from 68 yards.

Speaker 3 Have you noticed that these kickers are making these field goals with so much room to spare?

Speaker 3 Do Do you think that there's going to be some coaches that start kicking 65-yard field goals the way that we used to kick 55-yard ones?

Speaker 11 I think we're going to see a 70-yard field goal. I wouldn't be surprised if it's this year.

Speaker 3 Ooh. Okay.
I like that. A mile high

Speaker 3 or anywhere.

Speaker 11 No, it doesn't matter. It's not going to have to be at elevation.

Speaker 11 I mean, the way Butker hit that 58, that had another 10 on it.

Speaker 3 Is it easier or harder to kick it on the new turf that you see in all these new stadiums you know i well actually vegas has grass but the new turf yeah it is beautiful the new turf that's open in la

Speaker 11 like what is that for a kicker is that easier or harder to uh kick off of i liked artificial turf we had astro turf right they don't have that anymore they have field turf now that mirrors grass a little more i loved the astroturf yeah because the ball set up high and tight and and uh it was just a clean surface you know what i mean you got a good look at the ball The ball didn't sink into the grass or the mud.

Speaker 11 And

Speaker 11 one of the things I was mostly concerned about when I kicked was my plant foot. Is my plant foot solid or is it sliding? Because if my strike point changes, which is, you know,

Speaker 11 whatever happens to my plant foot, if it slides, my strike point on the ball is going to change because it might go lower, you know,

Speaker 11 if my foot slits forwards.

Speaker 11 Now I'm in a position, you know, where at the moment of truth, when you have to hit the ball and your body position has to be perfect, it's not because of something that happened on your plant side.

Speaker 3 Typically.

Speaker 11 That's why there's a lot of moving parts, and that's why it's so fascinating. That's why the place kicking position is just as important as the quarterback.

Speaker 3 Maybe more. Yeah, more important.
Yeah, I would say more important. That's a nice thing.
You've told yourself. Patrick Mahomes would not be shit without Harrison Buckner.

Speaker 3 Patrick Mahomes needs to take at least $400 million of his contract and give it to Harrison. And give it to the kicker.
Absolutely.

Speaker 11 He should give $100 million to Butker because who won the game?

Speaker 3 Right. Good point.

Speaker 3 He bailed him out. Very good point.
When you were kicking, or just maybe in general,

Speaker 3 do you find that backup quarterbacks or punters make for better holders?

Speaker 11 Punters because you have more time with them.

Speaker 3 Yeah, they don't have to be practicing all stuff.

Speaker 11 Right. You can go, you know, the backup quarterback's going to hold the clipboard and hey, yes, no, the plays in case the starting guy goes down.

Speaker 11 So he's over there paying attention to offensive drills where the kicker and the punter and the long snapper will go off on their own and drink a Gatorade and, hey, man, how was your night?

Speaker 11 You know, what kind of move? What are you watching on whatever? You know, did you check out that podcast, you know, that Great Dane Nation man with Morten Aris? No, sweet, you know, stuff like that.

Speaker 11 So we have time as a kicker and punter. We'll just go and grind for an hour and a half and then we get called over for five minutes, you know, for our little moment of fame with the whole team.

Speaker 11 And that's where I want the guys to yell at me and

Speaker 11 tell me names so it can be as real as a game.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 All right, so I had one last question.

Speaker 3 Falcon, you live in Atlanta. You are a Falcon.
Are the Atlanta Falcons cursed?

Speaker 11 Well, they have to understand that when you're on the hands team and receiving an on-site kick, you don't have to wait for the ball to go 10 yards. You can go and get that ball.

Speaker 11 You don't dance around it like, you know it was a bonfire

Speaker 3 but you got your curse

Speaker 3 but but other than that yeah other than that even that like well that was just that that wasn't a smart play somebody didn't brief them on on the rules yeah but there's a lot there are several examples of things like that that have happened over the course of the last like 30 years of the atlanta falcons so i mean i think that a curse probably has to come into play at some point right

Speaker 11 i didn't go to the super bowl with them so we did okay that year in 99.

Speaker 3 well i mean you didn't win it

Speaker 3 i know but you know i mean he's still you know you're the best loser so i mean that's true that's true they are they are the world champions of losing i just look into the curse just try to figure out what's going on there so that maybe we can get this curse fixed like you can't if you don't know that you're cursed you're just going to keep being cursed I don't know if it's cursed or not, guys.

Speaker 11 I think a lot of it is self-inflicted and some circumstance.

Speaker 11 Are Are the Jets cursed?

Speaker 3 Probably. Yeah, definitely.

Speaker 3 I'd say yes.

Speaker 5 You know, I just think

Speaker 11 it's about performance, guys, and that happens on the practice field. I know it sounds kind of old school, but

Speaker 11 I do believe that, man. I believe that you earn the right to play the game at its highest level and on the practice field through the week.
And when you show up on game day,

Speaker 11 you have to bring it. You have to bring your full attention to that moment for those three hours.
I don't care what position you're playing. That's the high performance business, man.

Speaker 11 It's not pee wee football. And you got to know the rules and you got to know what your role is in specific game situations.
Football is so specialized now.

Speaker 11 And one game can, good or bad, can lose it for you. I mean, we've countless.

Speaker 11 situations and examples from each and every game every week where one stupid play or somebody didn't know it or you a defensive back decided to hook a receiver or tight end and got a stupid PI, you know.

Speaker 11 I mean, an on-site kick that's not recovered because do guys not know the rule?

Speaker 11 Or are they not taught to go to the football and recover it? And then the game's over?

Speaker 11 You know, so there's lots of things. The

Speaker 11 curse is put on yourself by bad performance.

Speaker 5 It becomes habitual.

Speaker 11 It becomes

Speaker 11 winning, just like losing, is a habit. And it can go either way for you.
You have to decide proactively if you want to be winning or losing.

Speaker 3 During week one, was there like a small part of you that thought, maybe I'm going to get a call? Maybe, maybe they're going to ask

Speaker 3 60.

Speaker 11 I just turned 60. That would be

Speaker 11 iconic, man, to get a call and then go out there and pull a hammy on the first one.

Speaker 3 Did you fantasize about it, though? Did you allow your brain to to think like, what if I get that call?

Speaker 11 No, I'm 13 years removed, guys.

Speaker 11 I'm sitting here with earphones on like you guys now. So

Speaker 11 I love what I'm doing. I don't know.
I mean, I love talking about it. Don't get me wrong.
I love having cool guests on and talking. you know, to Archie Manning.

Speaker 11 I love talking to like Trenton Green, who's really interested. He's in the booth now, you know, and I love to talk to, you know, Franco Harris and all the guests we're going to have on this year.

Speaker 11 I I just, I can't see myself playing anymore. I mean, that my knees won't do it.
And so when the physical limitation kind of tells you can't do it, then mentally, you know, you follow.

Speaker 11 There's so many other things, great things in life right now, right? Geez, the COVID, isn't that fun?

Speaker 5 I mean, you know, so. Yeah.

Speaker 11 So I'm just, I'm working out every day, guys,

Speaker 11 having a blast and

Speaker 11 doing my great day in broadcast on Vegasinsider.com/slash slash podcast. That's what we're doing.
Love it. And it's fun.

Speaker 3 Let's see podcast.

Speaker 5 Listen to you guys.

Speaker 11 Yeah. Listening to you guys, you know? Yeah.
And learning, learning from the best guys. And

Speaker 11 it's a lot of fun, man.

Speaker 11 You're never too old to learn, right?

Speaker 3 That's true.

Speaker 11 Never too old to learn, never too old to make mistakes, but never too old to improve. And I think as an athlete, it's the same thing.
When you stop improving,

Speaker 11 then you're cursed.

Speaker 3 You're trying to get into my job. I'm trying to get into your old job.
This is my last question because the XFL tryouts are coming up.

Speaker 5 I'm trying to get into your job.

Speaker 3 They are coming up. No, no, but listen to the Great Dane podcast.
You're an excellent broadcaster, obviously. I need to listen to the one with Archie Mannon because that sounds fascinating to me.
But

Speaker 3 I've got my tryouts coming up again in February for the XFL. It's under new management.
Don't know if you heard The Rock is involved. He wants to play.

Speaker 3 Billy is going to be my strength and conditioning coach here. He's our intern.

Speaker 3 I feel like I've lost some leg straight. I got up to 46 yards before the pandemic or at the start of the pandemic.

Speaker 3 I saw the virtual since then

Speaker 3 I was drilling the virtual kicks. Since then, I haven't been able to lift weights.
I've been on the Peloton exercise bike, so I've probably lost some distance. I'd like to get that back.

Speaker 3 Can you advise Billy as to like

Speaker 3 specific

Speaker 3 get in a pool?

Speaker 11 Yeah, and then start running. Get yourself a flotation belt and start doing some aqua jogging, interval interval training.

Speaker 3 Aqua Jogging. I thought you were going to say get a flotation device and just hang out in a pool.
Well, no,

Speaker 11 you need a belt and then you need these two helmets that water can flow through, and it gives you resistance.

Speaker 11 Google,

Speaker 11 I can't remember what the website is, but it's aqua jogging. Just Google Aqua Jogging, and you'll get a plethora of information.
Aqua jogging helmets.

Speaker 11 And get in a pool in the deep end and start moving around and do interval training. Combined with, you can keep the pedals on.
That's okay. Just don't do long distance.

Speaker 11 Do some

Speaker 11 explosive stuff. There's a test you can do to know to find out your power.
It's called the Bruce

Speaker 11 B-R-U-C-E Bruce test.

Speaker 3 I got to get a Bruce test.

Speaker 11 You got to get a Bruce test. Yes.
I want to see what kind of power you can create in three to five seconds. Actually, shorter than that.

Speaker 3 for kicking. That's perfect.

Speaker 11 We're just looking for explosive bursts from you.

Speaker 11 I'm not looking for steady state.

Speaker 11 I'm looking for you know quickness and power explosiveness because billy was telling me front squats do i need to do front squats and power clean don't load your spine don't don't have him load your spine no no no no no no my spine needs to stay clean

Speaker 11 i'm gonna do it i'm gonna do it do lunges i mean i told you do lunges the step-ups and side straddles and eric haydens you know the skating lunge skating lunges side to side to all that okay so i'm gonna get back up to 46 yards then i'm gonna be money i'll be in touch we'll be in touch about you'll get a 50 51 yarder which is a 46 yarder with five rooms.

Speaker 3 There it is. That's all it is.
That's the psychology. I love it.
I love it. Morton, thank you so much.
Everyone go listen to Morton's podcast, Great Day Nation.

Speaker 3 Be well, and hopefully we see you.com, guys.

Speaker 11 Please check that out.

Speaker 3 Love it. Love it.
Well, thank you so much. You guys.
All right. Anytime.
Take care, Morton.

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Speaker 3 Okay, let's wrap up. We got guys on chicks.
Billy's list is back. Thank you, Billy.
Appreciate that. We got actually to a lot of it.
Robert Kraft, Bobby Schmurda, reportedly denied parole.

Speaker 3 No more happy endings for Bobby Schmurda. Mask fines are being levied left and right in the NFL.
I don't really,

Speaker 3 I feel like they shouldn't even tell everyone that they're levying the fines because they should aren't they doing it for

Speaker 3 levying mean, like

Speaker 3 putting the fine down, like giving them the fine. So aren't they doing it, though, for the visual, like the optics? It's just for the visual.

Speaker 3 Right, but because all the coaches are tested, all the players are tested, the players aren't wearing masks.

Speaker 3 But so the coaches are just, it's just because it's not a good look in Roger Goodell's eyes. Right.
Which is the most NFL thing ever.

Speaker 3 But so then going under that like thought of it's it's all for visual, shouldn't they not publicly talk about finding people for max masks because they want to give the visual that the coaches are doing it on their own volition?

Speaker 3 Well, yeah. Like they're basically saying we're making you wear a mask or we're going to fine you $100,000.

Speaker 3 Now the visual's out the window. They should also just not talk about it because that way we won't all be thinking, oh yeah, that's right.
That coach wasn't wearing a mask. Right.

Speaker 3 You know, the visual, though, is gone now because they're basically saying we are forcing you to wear it, which I'm fine with, but just don't then say they're forcing you.

Speaker 3 I do like Andy Reid's new mask. Really, the coaches that have the visors, I think that they're the smart ones because you don't have to worry about pulling it up and down.

Speaker 3 I just, I hope the next step is Andy Reid should have like a heads-up display on his visor, like a fighter pilot has on the glass, where he has his plays that scroll up, like his play sheet is in front of him in like a teleprompter.

Speaker 3 Yeah, in like neon green, and he gets to like just talk to his mask and select through it like he's a minority report. He'll have like a windshield wiper eventually on that thing too.

Speaker 3 I just think like a fighter pilot heads-up display with a radar lock on certain plays would look awesome. Yeah, but that's um that's it.
So let's do guys on chicks. We'll get uh we'll finish up.

Speaker 3 We just teased it Friday. We're gonna have Neil deGrasse Tyson on, which is gonna be awesome.

Speaker 3 Really, really fun. And then also some college football with our friend Andy Staples.
But let's finish up with some guys on chicks.

Speaker 6 My boyfriend of two years is a casual gambler that works himself up to yelling at the screen every Sunday.

Speaker 6 He's been talking about gambling non-stop for two years, so finally I decided to try it, and now I'm hooked. Since I've started giving him picks, he's been pouting, saying I'm ruining the fun.

Speaker 6 Now he doesn't gamble anymore and says I should stop. Should I break up with him since he's being a sore loser, or should I stop gambling with him?

Speaker 3 I think

Speaker 3 you need to get on the same page with your bets. I think that...

Speaker 3 I'll put it this way. The biggest fights that we have ever had as a podcast on part of my take come when somebody is betting on the other side against the other person.
That's who.

Speaker 3 Oh, yeah, that's it. Betting against the other person.
You're right.

Speaker 3 The bets are what we're talking about. And besides that, we have a pretty good relationship on the show.

Speaker 3 But if you find yourself taking the same side of every bet, then you win together, you lose together. And the couple that loses together, I think, wins together.
Wins together long term.

Speaker 3 It's also going to suck if he's been betting for a really long time, and then now all of a sudden you're way better than him, which there is a beginner's luck in gambling that happens to pretty much everyone where they are hot at the beginning and they're like, this is the easiest thing ever.

Speaker 3 So yeah, he's going to lose his mind. I think you just stay with him, you stay gambling, and you have him lose his mind, and then he'll quit gambling and you'll be fine.

Speaker 6 Hey, dog, dad, PFT, future cat, dad, Hank, and dad, dad, big cat, whoa.

Speaker 6 My husband and I are expecting our first child on 11-12, 11-2-20. My husband has been great throughout the pregnancy with COVID and everything being so uncertain.

Speaker 6 But he's upsetting me with his new demands. We are having a girl, and he desperately wants me to have a Halloween baby.
I don't think he gets it. He says, have the kid on Halloween.

Speaker 6 It's my favorite holiday. And now we can name her Candy.
Thoughts.

Speaker 3 I think

Speaker 3 he's actively trying to get your daughter into porn already.

Speaker 3 That is a recipe for it. Like, my daughter, oh, her name's Candy with an eye, probably.
She loves putting on costumes.

Speaker 3 And she was born on Halloween. It's...

Speaker 3 I would check him a little bit. I would check him on that.
I think Halloween would probably be the worst day to

Speaker 3 have a child on. No, wait, wait.

Speaker 3 It doesn't matter. Hold on.
It doesn't matter to have a kid on Halloween. Why would it matter to have a kid on Halloween? Because Halloween is like my favorite holiday.

Speaker 3 Okay, well, if you're having a kid, you probably aren't celebrating Halloween anymore. No, no, me and Halloween, it's long-term.

Speaker 3 I think it would be the worst day to be born because Halloween is every kid's favorite day, and then it's your birthday stolen. Right.
That's it. You're thinking about it the wrong way around.

Speaker 3 Yeah. I think if you're having a kid,

Speaker 3 you can tell. Oh, man, I'm going gonna miss the rager yeah because i'm gonna go have a kid you can tell exactly who on this podcast has a child and who doesn't

Speaker 3 by that one wild thinking i mean the perspective you still go out on halloween uh yeah no you don't you kidding me no chance dude i go out hard i hit the gin bucket on halloween i got a sweet tiger king costume coming in yeah oh yeah i mean remember tiger king i'm gonna go with sander day o'connor that works

Speaker 6 uh hey hank husky cat and pffst

Speaker 6 my boyfriend's mom gave me a candle for my birthday it smells like his ball sack after he does leg to the gym. Can I throw a candle away, or is it not environmentally safe? Thanks.

Speaker 3 You can just burn it outside. Mm-hmm.
That's

Speaker 3 just what a candle does. Yeah, just burn it.
And be like, the candle's done. Uh-huh.
I used it all. It's over.
How many candles do you think have been burned? You can't, yeah,

Speaker 3 in life? Yeah. Well, let's see.
There's eight. Well, I mean, it was three nights.
It was electricity before.

Speaker 3 I would say

Speaker 3 probably like 500 billion. Whoa.
Whoa.

Speaker 6 Dude, if we think about rice, billion is so much more than million.

Speaker 3 That's a lot of candles. 500 billion, though.
No. How many candles get? I don't think 1 billion.
So I think between like 1900

Speaker 3 and,

Speaker 3 what, negative 60,000 BC, we use candles. That's a shitload of years.
That's 62,000 years. When were candles invented?

Speaker 11 I bet it was Egypt.

Speaker 3 200 BC. That's a lot of candles.
Oh, 200 BC. Well, never mind.
That's a lot of candles. So That's really only 21,000 years.

Speaker 3 2,100 years. How many candles have been burned ever?

Speaker 6 No one has that. Shit.

Speaker 3 We should ask Neil that.

Speaker 6 Hello, Mr. X-Professional Athlete PFT, Slim Cat, and Triple H.
Me and my boyfriend have been dating for a little over a year. Things are starting to move towards a potential engagement.

Speaker 6 There's one problem. He kisses so loud.
My housemates have complained to me multiple times about how they can hear us kissing in our room. It's not even like we're making out.

Speaker 6 It's just a small peck that can be heard from the living room. My housemates keep telling me I have to have a talk with him about kissing quieter, but I just don't know how to bring it up.

Speaker 6 If I ever say anything, my housemates will slowly hate me. If I do, my boyfriend will be in a mood and be afraid to kiss me.
Seems like a lose-lose. How do I handle the situation?

Speaker 6 I mean, if they're going towards potential engagement, you don't even live with them yet. That's that might be a little jumping the gun.

Speaker 3 Yeah. I think all things considered,

Speaker 3 there are worse problems to have in a relationship. Like, you guys don't kiss, you smooch.
Can you put a silencer on a kiss? That's smooching. Like, uh, tell them some lipstick or a chapstick.

Speaker 3 Tell them to grow a mustache and a beard. That's that'll muffle the sound a little bit.
Slow it down. Yeah, put a little bit of barrier in between the lips.
Yeah, it's like a speed bump. Uh-huh.
Just.

Speaker 3 The idea of just a loud kiss and like everyone being like, damn, you guys kiss loud is very funny.

Speaker 6 There they go again. This is just

Speaker 6 very specific.

Speaker 6 No name, no nothing. It just texted a text line that said, Be sure you flush the toilet before inviting us back to your apartment after a date.

Speaker 3 Just to men in general. Yeah.

Speaker 6 So I think that girl had a traumatic experience.

Speaker 3 I think you can just stop with be sure to flush your toilet. Unless it's P, then just don't worry.
Also, let it mellow. Yeah.
Also, save water, the environment. Mm-hmm.

Speaker 6 High fat cat and Marlon's man's stepson. A long time ago, I told my boyfriend that

Speaker 6 the day he proposes to me is the day I eat his ass. He's planning on a special weekend for us this upcoming weekend for our five-year anniversary, and I think he's actually proposing.

Speaker 6 He often brings up me eating his ass, and I'm scared that he might actually expect me to do it if he proposes. What should I do? Should I say I was just joking, or just do it?

Speaker 3 I think you have to make him... You got a plan for both occasions.
So you got to pick a lane and stick to it.

Speaker 3 So either feed him a bunch of raw meat and stuff that's going to just oysters all weekend to make him really sick so he will not even have the balls to ask you to eat his ass or go the other way and just basically treat his butthole to a spa day get him a wax maybe uh go to the local adult gift shop and purchase some flavored lube put some glitter on there some baby powder really getting into it uh have him spend all day just having his butt being fanned and washed

Speaker 3 you can't go middle ground here because that's where you run into trouble if he eats a normal diet and it's just another day for his butthole uh you're going to be in a sad state of affairs once he proposes i'd go with just a prank that's a perfect just a prank it was just a prank obviously

Speaker 3 He's not going to take the ring.

Speaker 6 Yeah, what if he says that's just a prank?

Speaker 3 The ring's not coming back.

Speaker 3 Yeah, well, the thing is, he can't complain to anybody if you say it was just a prank. Like, he's never going to tell that story.

Speaker 3 He's not going to be like, yeah, I had to break off the proposal, mom and dad. Oh, why? Well, she didn't lick my bunghole.

Speaker 3 Yeah, so you're good.

Speaker 6 All right, last one. My boyfriend checks his phone about every 30 minutes when we are together.
Scared.

Speaker 6 me that he's cheating, so while he was sleeping, I checked his phone and he has a group chat with the boys where they only only talk about gambling.

Speaker 6 Do most guys have this, or should I be worried about his addiction? Side note, seems like he loses a lot more than he wins. I mean, a lot more.
Should I set up an intervention?

Speaker 3 Hmm.

Speaker 6 First question is yes.

Speaker 3 I'd say just never go through the phone. Yeah.
Correct. You're not going to find anything.
Don't do it.

Speaker 3 No woman has ever picked up a man's phone, spent a good 15 minutes on it, and been like, this kicks ass. I'm really glad that I did it.
You know what? Everything's out of context, too. That's true.

Speaker 3 There's just a lot of context that gets missed.

Speaker 3 You need the context. You don't complain about your wins.
Right. You don't like brag about your wins in the group chat because somebody else might be losing.
Right.

Speaker 3 So you're getting a small sample size here. Yeah.
It's better to just leave him alone and just be like, hey, that was a good game, huh? When he does win, be like, you're so smart.

Speaker 3 You're so, so smart. Good job.
But also, just don't go through the phone. No, don't do that.
Don't ever do that.

Speaker 3 All right, that's our show. Friday, we have Neil deGrasse Tyson and Andy Staples.
Billy, do you have anything to let us go? Oh, we can't. Multiple animals use hallucinogens, such as jaguars,

Speaker 3 multiple species of antelope,

Speaker 3 just plants with hallucinogens in them. How do they use them?

Speaker 7 Reindeer, actually, are big.

Speaker 3 What number? They just eat them. I've heard about kangaroos that have

Speaker 3 eaten poppies and they get all stoned and hop around in a circle. Eight.
I love you guys.

Speaker 3 16. 16.
What is it? 16?

Speaker 3 16. 16.
Did anyone have 16? Sweet 16.

Speaker 3 Someone had 16. Someone out there, Dave.
Congratulations. Good job, dude.
You did it. Love you guys.
This just ended. Breaking news, Hank.

Speaker 3 Hank.

Speaker 3 Breaking news, Hank.

Speaker 3 Your Chicago Bulls have just hired former Oklahoma City Thunder and Florida head coach Billy Donovan as their head coach right now. All-time crew cut guy, big crew cut guy.

Speaker 3 And we have just received word from Big Cat, who just departed with his official statement. He sent it to my darling Jake.
My darling Jake, do you have that? Bulls are back.

Speaker 3 Let's go to Busters.

Speaker 3 We haven't been in life forever. Best day of my life.

Speaker 3 I'll give you all my prizes.

Speaker 3 Let's go to Busters.

Speaker 3 Let's go to David Busters.

Speaker 3 Keep me

Speaker 3 the Busters.

Speaker 3 Keep me a Buster.

Speaker 3 Let's go to Busters.

Speaker 3 We have been feeling like forever. Best day of my life.

Speaker 3 I'll give you all my prizes.

Speaker 3 Let's go to Busters.

Speaker 3 Let's go to David Busters.

Speaker 3 Best

Speaker 3 day

Speaker 3 of my the honey.

Speaker 3 Take on me

Speaker 3 Take on me

Speaker 3 Take on me

Speaker 3 take on me,

Speaker 3 take on me,

Speaker 3 take on me,

Speaker 3 take on me.