Dan Patrick, Playoff Pee Pee And The Clippers Are Frauds Plus MNF

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On today's Pardon My Take, we have our friend Dan Patrick on the show. Great conversation with DP.
He is now at the cock, the peacock streaming service. Peacockin'.
We talk everything, sports, hot takes, gambling. We're going to go up to Connecticut and play the Danettes three on three.
Billy, you are in that game. Oh, sweet.
Yeah. So, which kind of our ace in the hole, considering the fact that we're all kind of old now.
Have you ever, do you play basketball? Yeah, I play basketball. Yeah, like a football player.
That's what we said. No, I can shoot from the outside.
Oh, okay. All right.
Bonus. Yeah, better than playoff P.
We'll get to it in a second. Playoff P.
Yeah, we got hot seat, cool throne. We have guys on chicks.
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It's going to be Christmas soon. Yeah.
Why not? No, you're right. It will be sometime soon.
It's basically Christmas next month. You're going to blink? Did you spill something, Hank? Oh, Hank really spilled something.
We've got six t-shirts being used to clean up right now. It's all over his desk.
He's got a drill and a fucking chest.

Fair warning, Hank is in a bad mood leading into tonight's show.

I am, too.

Because of the Celtics.

Yeah, all right.

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Bye! store today okay let's go now in the street there is violence and then a lot of stuff work can be done no place to hang out or washing and then i can't name all on the sun. Oh, no.
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Today is Wednesday, September 16th. Hank has just made a mess of his desk.
The board is completely ruined. Well, I tried to give Billy headphones so he could hear himself, so he could maybe talk in the microphone.
Oh, no, no. In the process of taking the headphones, he knocked over a Red Bull.
No, no, no. You knocked it over before you gave me that.
There's so many electronics where you knocked over the Red Bull. It's insane.
Was it sugar-free at least? Yep. There we go.
So it's fine. It's basically index.
All right. All right.
It's Wednesday. The Los Angeles Clippers are dead defunct.
A clown show. Playoff PP is the worst ever.
What are you spraying? Jake is spraying the Red Bull before. Jake is the perfect person to have around for these type of things.
He went into action. He got the stuff to clean up.
He's trying to get back on Hank's good side, though, because of the result of Celtics night. So Hank has been lashing out at Jake, and fortunately for Jake, Billy just fucked up.
So now Jake is thinking to himself, like, I got this made. I didn't fuck up.
People forget that we have a Heat fan in this room. Jake Cake is a huge Heat fan.
I don't think there's another podcast in the world that has a diehard Heat fan on it. So it's great that you're here.
PFT's team, too. Yeah, PFT.
I'm a Jimmy Butler guy. Me, too.
Top eight player now in the NBA. I've leveled him up.
He is solidly in the top ten. But, yeah, we respect.
I'm just rooting for Jimmy. We respect Jay Butt on this podcast, and Jake was very happy with the result.
We need to make a mayor's bet on part of my take between Jake and Hank, the Celtics and the Heat. It's a good one.
I think it should be a cake-related bet. I think that the loser should have to bake a cake of the winner's choosing for the winner.

And then they have to document the process, have to actually try bringing it to the office.

That way, it's really just so that we can eat cake.

Yeah, I was thinking like a live stream.

Someone has to eat the cake, like a full cake.

I think you should bake a cake.

Oh, you're baking a cake and then you have to pass a test until you make a good cake. No.
Yeah. I think you have to try.
You have to follow the recipe. You can't fuck up the cake on purpose.
We'll get a real chef. Donnie.
We'll tweet it at Gordon Ramsay and have him rate it. Yeah.
Is it the season? It's rubbish, isn't it? Yeah. Speaking of cake.
Oh. What? Ass eating season.
Oh, okay. Okay.
Thanks for listening. All right.
And now to end that segment. You're right.
You're right. The Clippers are frauds.
The Clippers are the biggest frauds of all time. He stinks.
He stinks. The fourth quarter, I don't think I've ever seen somebody be as bad at their job as, well, really the entire Clippers offense was.
Wait. Okay.
All right. So I don't want to do what we usually do because obviously the story is the big story is the fraudulent clippers because all we told we heard about was how great they were i bought into it i was like well how could you beat kawaii leonard and paul and paul george and and uh patrick beverly like this is going to be insane kawaii sucked too kawaii was very bad six for 22 paul george is four for 16 but let's at least give some credit to our Nuggets.
We're Nuggets bad. 6 for 22.
Paul George is 4 for 16. But let's at least give some credit

to our Nuggets. We're a Nuggets podcast.

They were incredible.

They were awesome.

They essentially forced the Clippers

to just quit. And that

fourth quarter, there's losing

and then there's the way the Clippers lost

which was pathetic, disgusting,

abhorrent. I don't even know

if we have... The F word is appropriate in this case.
Frauds, yes. They are frauds.
Yes, they quit. They look terrible.
They should feel terrible. They insulted my intelligence as a sports fan believing in them.
They made me sick to my stomach. I have diarrhea now.
All because... Playoff poo.
Of you. Yeah, playoff poo poo.
Playoff L. Layoff pee.
It's crazy. I don't know.
This is going to be a hot take. Oh, my computer's making noise.
But I'm going to say it anyway. Wait, wait.
Ask me for permission to go there. Can I go there? Can I have permission to go there? Granted.
I actually don't know how you bring playoff P back next year. I like that take.
I don't know how you have what we just watched and be like, let's bring back the same core and hope that it's kind of the James Harden thing where it's like, how many times you guys see in the playoffs before you're like, all right, this guy just, he's, you know what I'm doing? Playoff P you're, you're not a second banana dude. You're, you're a third piece.
You're a third piece at best. I think that in this case, it was a little bit different because Djokic is like such a big physical dude that he was just bodying him.
That's just demoralized. Anytime somebody can just back you down and you can't do shit about it because I think he outweighs him by what 30, 40 pounds? Yeah.
I don't know what Djokic is. His weight fluctuates like yours.
He can be like 260 on any day or 220. Yeah, it's basically how much sodium did you have past midnight? Just doing the eyeball test on him.
By the way, he does look like the Serbian Bosa brother. I can't get that out of my head.
Yes, he does. He was just backing him down and eyeball test.
I think he outweighs him by like 35 pounds, so it's tough. And when you keep getting back down like that and just dominate on the glass, then that affects you at the other end where you're like, shit, I must be.
I'm not very athletic, am I? He had 16, 22, and 13, and the 13 is what I noticed. He's always making a great pass because they're running pick and roll up top, and then he just makes a great pass for one of his teammates to get a wide-open shot.
I'm not going to sit here and say that they're going to be a pushover. Oh, I will.
I'll say it right now. Laker Dan's not going to say it? Come on, Laker Dan.
I think the Nugs, I mean, I became a Nugs guy. Davis.
He disrespected them. It's going to be a sweep.
A sweep? No, it's a gentleman's sweep. I'm calling it four games to one.
They're going to gentleman's sweep their way, I think, probably through the entire playoffs. Don't get me wrong.
I think the Lakers, I think they're going to win the series. I just don't.
I'm not going to say it's going to be a sweep or five games. Anthony Davis shuts him down.
Dude, how did I mean? Not shuts him down, but I think Anthony. The Clippers were up 3-1 in this series.
I think Davis might outweigh Djokic, or at least they're close. So I think that Davis can DM up.
No, I mean, of course he can. Anthony Davis is a great defender.
But this is not...

I don't know.

We'll see.

It's going to be...

I think it's going to be more fun.

Everyone's just writing him off.

But the Clippers suck.

The Clippers suck.

Fuck the Clippers.

Yeah, I'm with you.

Everyone hates the Clippers.

I'm with you.

We're all out on the Clippers.

Are there even Clippers fans?

I want to hear from you.

Frankie Munoz.

Malcolm in the Middle.

The kid from...

Yeah, he's like the guy that...

Billy Crystal.

Billy Crystal. Billy Crystal and Frankie Munoz.
That in the Middle. The kid from...
Yeah, he's like the guy that... Billy Crystal.
Billy Crystal.

Billy Crystal and Frankie Munoz.

That's great.

Penny Marshall.

RIP.

That tells you everything that you need to know.

But Jokic...

She's not alive anymore.

I do like watching him play.

She's rolling in her grave.

Except for the fact that I think he leads the league in leaving his jersey untucked.

That's fine.

Clean that up.

I like Jokic.

He looks like going into his first job interview.

Yeah.

AD 253.

Ooh.

Major weight advantage.

Okay.

But Jokic lost all that weight.

We're talking about him like they're boxers. Ooh.
What about reach? I need to know how to accurately mispronounce his name. It's Jokic.
Yeah. So I'm calling him Jokic.
Joker. Yes.
Nikola Jokic. There you go.
That was good. A Y.
All right. Other game.
Hank, bam. You got bammed.
You got bammed. You got Emeril Lagazi, bro.
That was an incredible, incredible block. I feel like because we went right to game seven, there wasn't enough credit to that block.
I feel like a game seven, though. Like something that happened in a game seven.
Like game one. We led with it.
We led with game seven. Game one, game schm game seven game one game the heat and the celtics are going every single game could be like this i think these two teams are so evenly matched but that block was incredible you have to admit that block was incredible it was absolutely crazy i mean the it's like the mitch trubisky screenshots where it's like the there's so many screenshots that why did you do that that was a master no i just i'm using it as an example like there's screenshots of jason data it looks like there's so many screenshots that seem like that.
Why did you do that? That was a master class. No, I'm using it as an example.

There's screenshots of Jason Dayton.

It looks like there's no way that he doesn't dunk the ball.

It was his left hand, too.

It wasn't even his dominant hand that blocked it.

Now what we have to do with a moment like that is figure out if it was the best block

of all time in NBA history.

Definitely better than the chase downs by LeBron.

Those are just LeBron being lazy and waiting waiting for his moment this is actually an impressive block uh it really it's more than something's rough 14 in the fourth quarter and they just had like some of the worst possessions they had three possessions with a minute left in regulation where they just had like isolation step back threes james harden possessions and then it was bad listen i They should have won that game easily. It should have even been in overtime.

I love the heat culture.

Jay Crowder, I mean, what a role player that guy is.

How would you ever let that guy go from your team?

That's a guy that you want on your side.

I can't speak because everyone's just tweeting me, like,

why did the Bulls trade Jimmy Butler?

I don't know.

God damn it.

This is great basketball.

Great basketball.

I'm actually more excited for this Eastern Conference Finals than I think I am for the entire NBA Finals. Oh, what? If it's Lakers-Celtics, I think the Lakers win 4-1.
If it's Lakers-Heat, I think they win 4-2. This series is my personal finals.
That's your personal finals? Because it's going to be fun to watch. Like you said, they're so even in the match.
They're very, very even, yes. And neither has like any any second where they look like they're taking a moment off yes yes uh the by the way so hank how are you feeling overall you're like we're good no i mean i feel like we should have won that game easily uh we're gonna fight back and and win like three out of the next four yeah that's for me for me to feel good.
I don't feel good. Then you would, you would still not have won the series, but I feel good if you want three in a row, but you'd feel better.
I would feel good. Okay.
I don't, I wouldn't, I will not feel good until that's the case. I got a question.
What's up with Kemba Walker shot? It ain't good. No, I mean, he was good in the crunch.
Like he he was kind of he stepped up when he needed to step

up jason tatum's a stud but like what's up with kemba walkers oh i loved also who was announcing the game today jake calling marcus smart three smart bones and doris burke smart bombs yes he called it a smart i love it yeah it's a good description for how many children did that kill with that smart bomb.

That landed on a

Yemini wedding.

Smart bombs.

All right.

That's basketball. We had Monday Night Football.
Big Ben is officially back. Yeah.
He looks good. And not only is he back in terms of finding his rhythm as a passer, but he's back.
I think he designed that sleeve that he wore. The custom-made one.
I feel like Big Ben has an entire line of pharmaceutical devices that he just like invents in his garage yes fair time i've never seen anything like that but he he he looked like big ben of old milking a couple times he got knocked down he probably sits in his doctor's office and takes the meetings when like the uh pretty little blonde comes in and shows like all the new pharmaceutical things that's like hey doc can I sit in your chair for the afternoon? Well, every athlete retires and they become pharmaceutical device salesmen. Big Ben is going to become a purchaser.
He's going to work for giant hospitals. We need Marie Kondo to go over to his garage.
She opens up the door and it's just full of walking boots and different sleeves. What brings you joy, Ben? All of it does.
I can't get rid of a single one of it. Everything.
But yeah, it was a master class in Ben. He was limping like two plays in.
He had some great drives. He looked good.
He even had a moment where his offensive lineman got hurt, which I think he's out for the year, and we were giggling about the clip. We didn't want to retweet it because the offensive lineman actually did get hurt.
But Ben went down and fell and basically acted like he was more hurt than the offensive lineman who had just torn his ACL. Yeah, well, he saw the other guy was hurt.
Big Ben has sympathy pains for anyone who's ever had an injury. Islanders, okay, okay.
It continues. What is that, three to two now? Team of destiny, yep.
Barry Trotz. Yep, that was a huge one for the Islanders.
Okay. Okay.
It continues. What is that? Three to two now? Team of destiny.
Yep. Barry Trotz.
Yep. That was a huge one for the Islanders.
And then the late game, Vic Fangio is a turkey. Yeah.
He is a straight up turkey. That's the only word I can use to describe him because the clock management at the end was almost as big a story as future Hall of Famer Gostkowski missing those, what, four kicks? But the clock management was just, his philosophy was, I think he's going to miss another kick, and so I don't need any time on the clock for when he does that.
Yes. Which still makes no sense, because if he had missed that kick, even if there was like 55 seconds a minute left, it doesn't matter.
It literally makes no difference. You can still run the clock out if you get it it was uh i think this happens every year though with the second monday night game it just it just devolves into absolute crap yeah like it was there was a moment at one in the morning well after goskowski missed his third kick like what am i watching right now like jerry judy's dropping balls gustowski's missing kicks melvin gordon actually You looked but like i i just said to myself why am i still up because why am i watching yeah because it's you know why we were all up watching it is because we just went through like six months where we would have yeah killed a drifter to be able to watch a meaningless monday night football game but you know you have those moments of clarity where you where you have where you like almost have a 360 view of your life and you're like what are you doing yeah i had that moment i was like this kicks ass football's on tv um so that game was uh yeah it was something mike rabel uh credit to him for bringing gaskowski out there for the last kick it reminded me of you know the ending of tin cup i know that the young guys haven't seen tin cup yet you haven't seen tin cup no no they no no they haven't they definitely i'm agreeing with you but when kevin costner kept hitting his three wood into the water over and over and over until he got it right that's what vrabel was doing with his kickers he's like we're gonna keep going out there we're gonna keep trying to kick i don't care how many you miss i'm gonna keep kicking he wouldn't kept goskowski on the field until like six six o'clock in the morning just after the game was over until he hit one yes it, it's true.
It's true. It was thrilling.
It was thrilling to watch him get out there and try to make it. All right, so what else do we have? Anything else? Any other cleanup? Well, I put this on Twitter because a lot of people were asking me about it last night, but I am still opting out of the NFL season.
So stop asking. But stop asking.
But if Taylor and if Mike hit me up, if Rabes hit me up. They didn't already.
Well, I talked to Rabes a little bit. But if Will Compton hit me up, there are colleagues, right? Shout out to Will Compton, by the way.
Huge tackle. He's actually the one that was the reason Kosowski hit it.
And he also gave him a hug. Hugs, not drugs.
And he also had to play basically the whole game after Evans threw a punch in the first quarter. Yeah.
It's a big low up for Will Compton. But if our colleagues need my help, I'm not going to leave my colleagues behind.
Yeah. By the way, one last thing about Monday Night Football.
How shitty was it of ESPN to put an unbelievable booth with Herbie and Fowler in game one and then be like, here's our new booth in game two. Hope you stay up for it.
Yeah. Herbie and Fowler.
I mean, that's Sergio dip. No, no, no.
But they usually, the second game is usually the weird booth. The second game is usually like Mike and Mike do it.
Limited travel. Maria Taylor was already in New York for Fowler was still fucked him.
Do you not agree though that it fucked him? They basically gave an incredible booth that everyone loves. universally loved.
Herbie and Fowler are consummate pros, great chemistry. And then not even saying that Greasy, Riddick, and Levy did a bad job, but to go to them, it's a tough act to follow.
Yeah. Herbie and Fowler, the big knock was like, I don't know if they're going to be able to transition to the NFL.
Newsflash, they know every single player on the field already because they called them when they were in college. And also, the chemistry is the most important part.
They could narrate Hank taking a shit and I would watch it on TV. I know this is crazy, but why can't they do both? Is that too crazy? Remotely? No, no, no.
They do the Saturday night game. They have the best private plane ever.
They're basically... The Dilfer plane.
They should have a crew literally carry their bodies

so they can hop on the plane.

Like in Spider-Man.

Carefully, he's a hero.

Yeah, they give them NyQuil.

Then they land in the Monday Night Football City.

They carry their bodies, lay them into bed,

and then they wake up in that city,

and then they have all Sunday to recover,

and then they do Monday Night Football.

Just keep them in a freeze chamber during the week? Why not? Football prep is by far the hardest. Sorry, Jake.
Got it. Jake, you already brought up tennis.
Flag on the play. Too much inside.
Too much inside. Don't poo-poo this.
I like how our brains automatically go back to the Mike and Mike game, which I think was 16 years ago. It was so great because it was mike and mike and then another mike yeah they added mike dick it was three mikes uh that was incredible it's also the sergio dip game you never forget it's september 11 2017 the pun is blocked yes it's the punter the berman block game it's always a little rex ryan was one i remember correctly it was terrible it's always crazy i think yeah and that So we one I remember correctly.
It was terrible. It's always crazy.

We all remember this and then they just unveiled their new

Monday Night Football crew after

a great game with the

A squad. I think they'll be fine once they get into

a rhythm, but following

the college game day crew

is tough. It's impossible.
They're the

best. They're the best.
And then

your Big Ten is back. Oh wait, I'll have it on my cool trunk.
Okay. Yeah, I don't know.
Actually, let's talk about it right now. I think it is.
I think it is. Well, we need to separate the rumors from the facts because there were a lot of rumors out there, not a lot of facts.
So to clean it up, rumor the Nebraska president was caught on a hot mic saying that the season was coming back. No, that's.
Suryat is reporting that it's coming back. So, well, actually, first reported by Jeff Dindu.
Okay. No, not actually.
He just said he wanted everyone to credit him after Nebraska president on a mic. So I think what happened, and in Suryat I trust, he's the only one who's given me hope, even though I'm pretty sure he's made up a lot of the things, but that's okay.
I think Suryat was started as a parody account just to try to get Big Cat interested in the fact that the Big Ten is coming back. I'm reaching out to you.
All right, so I think the Nebraska president, what has happened is I do think the Big Ten is going to be back. I think they're going to announce it tomorrow.
There's a mini power play inside the power play that Nebraska feels like they are the team that spearheaded this. Remember Scott Frost said we're going to leave the Big Ten.
We're going to play our own season. So they feel like they are responsible for the Big Ten coming back.
So essentially the quote-unquote hot mic, that guy knew it was a hot mic, said it to basically get the credit that Nebraska deserves, which I will absolutely say they deserve it. And now the Big Ten in a power play is being like, well, fuck you, we're not going to announce it tonight.
Because we don't want you to make you look like you got it today. Because he said they were going to announce that the Big Ten is back tonight.
So now they're like, all right, we'll announce it tomorrow just so we'll make you look back. Yeah, you were wrong.
And also Kevin Warren wants to save a little bit of grace in this because he's basically been the Roger Goodell of the Big Ten where he says what everybody else tells him to say and then he gets shit on for everything that happens. So he's trying to save some face.
It's not going to work. Everyone's still going to make him look even worse now because it's like oh you flip-flopped on it and then the pac-12 i don't think anybody really cares that strongly like there's there's oh no we gotta get we gotta work on the pack we gotta send surya out to fucking what i'm saying is there hasn't been a nebraska of the pac-12 yet i'm pretty i'm pretty sure oregon state has been trying to be the nebraska just nobody has paid attention to them.
Keaton Slovis did write a letter to Gavin Newsom,

so that's at least getting things moving for the state of California, hopefully.

I do think—

The state's literally on fire.

Yeah, well.

Maybe he'll forget about it.

They played the A's game in the middle of a fire.

Right.

We just need to send Suryat.

Suryat, what even is his name?

Well, Suryat is— His name's probably like Troy, Suryat is the least Big Ten name of all time. That should be a Pac-12 guy.
Yeah. He should go up to Washington.
He should be Sir Pontoon if he's a Big Ten guy. Yes.
So, yeah, I do think the Big Ten is back. That's all I want.
It seems like it's going to be October 17th, eight-game season. That's fine.
And I have – if I really want to get ahead of myself. Now, we're sitting here and it has not been official.
But I did have a side conversation with some of my friends, from my college friends, and the conversation did end up being if there's an eight-game schedule and we don't have Ohio State on the schedule, this might be the best chance that Wisconsin ever has to go to the college football playoff. That's a fact.
That's how far back it now is. That is a fact.
Eight games. Anything can happen in eight games.
Eight games. I mean, if we just play our division and then the crossover isn't super hard, just got to win one in Indy.
December 19th. That's it.
Just got to win one in Indy. Just got to win.
Got to just be legends for 60 minutes and then go to the college football playoff and get the shit kicked out of us by Clemson. I don't know what's going to happen.
I'm just so excited that football is actually going to be a main part of our lives for the next four to five months. It feels great.
It feels great. I was worried, Big Cat.
I was worried as recently as mid-August that football wasn't going to work. Guess what? Football always plays.

Football works.

It's going to knock on wood.

Yeah.

We're still a little worried.

Yeah.

We're still a little worried.

Quick, this league update.

Yeah.

Clippers guard Lou Williams after the game said,

Fuck playoff P.

Pretty much. We had championship expectations.

We had the talent to do it.

We didn't have the chemistry to do it.

See you, P. Hey, P.
You should have had a team dinner up at Magic City. Maybe you shouldn't have signed a player who used to bang the coach's daughter and then left her for a stripper.
Good point. How long do you think until P's getting teabagged by his dog? Happening right now.
I forgot about that. It's all I think about.
Coming up short in the playoffs and accidentally taking a picture with his pit bulls balls resting directly on his arm. That's the playoff pee.
That's my playoff pee. Some of the guys brought their families in.
Paul George just brought his dog into the bubble, just dragging his huge nuts behind him, leaving a little trail. He's got playoff pee in his house.
You know those, like, the kinky swingers? They have the actual swing, the fuck swing. He's got, like, a holder for his dog to elevate so his dog's balls can just rest on him at all times.
Playoff pee. You're such a clown, dude.
I kind of feel bad. I almost feel bad.
I almost feel bad. You know what? We're close to feeling bad.
This could be a blessing in disguise. If he takes this really hard, he spends the next five months doing nothing but just eating comfort food, mashed potatoes and meatloaf all the time, and he puts on 60 pounds.
Flat playoff P, I'm totally on board with. I actually, I wonder can you give back your contract? Because if I were playoff P, I'm not even joking, and I don't know how much money has Playoff P made.
By the way, I hope we never, ever call him by his real name again. We just keep saying Playoff P for everything.
So Playoff P has to have made, his contract right now is $139 million. Okay, so how much money has he made though in his career because what i would do and i'm not joking i would give my money back you have it 217 million 812 725 he's made correct or he's gonna make that is since 2010 with the okay so he's has over 200 million dollars including throughout this contract okay wait so So that does count what he's going to make.
That is since 2010 with the Pacers. Okay, so he has over $200 million.
Including throughout this contract. Okay, wait, so that does count what he still has left.
What has he made, though? Give me the number that he's made. What does he have in the bank? Earnings in 10 seasons is $144 million.
All right, perfect. $144.
$144. If I were him, I would be like, rip up my contract, throw it away.
I don't want any of that money, and then go sign like a $2 million a year contract with the Lakers and be the fourth banana behind Anthony Davis, LeBron, and Caruso.

Yeah.

I mean, why not?

And no one will care.

Why not?

No one will think about you.

All you have to do is just make one decent-sized shot in the playoffs

on that team.

Yes.

And then you're Mr. Clutch.

Then you're the new Robert Ory.

Or go to the Warriors.

Yeah.

Imagine if he goes to the Warriors.

Oh, my God.

That actually would probably ruin the Warriors.

He takes the David West deal.

All right. on that team.
Yes. And then you're Mr.
Clutch. Then you're the new Robert Orr.
Or go to the Warriors. Yeah.
Imagine if he goes to the Warriors. Oh, my God.
That actually would probably ruin the Warriors. He takes the David West deal.
Oh, my. Yeah.
He should start ring chasing now. Yeah.
Even though he's like 30 years old. Just be like, all right, I'm done.
I'm done trying to be playoff P. Oh, man.
I do actually kind of feel bad for him. I'll say something nice about playoff P.
I actually like his shoes. Yeah.
I like his shoes. I wear them his shoes.
I wear them sometimes. That's really the only thing that separates him from James Harden right now.
He has better shoes. That's the unfortunate part.
Playoff P really should get he should have gone to his press conference in a Harden jersey. Yeah.
Remember this guy? This guy stinks. This guy's a bigger disappointment than I am.
This guy's a bum. I've just been a recent bum.
All right, let's do Hot Seat Cool Throne. Hot Seat Cool Throne this week is brought to you by Bud Light.
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Hank. My hot seat is love.
Oh, no. Cardi B and her wet-ass pee are divorcing offset.
Oh, yeah. Oh, no.
Okay. Single.
That is some news, Hank. That's some good news.
You sound really sad, PST. I mean, I'm sad that love is on the hot seat, but rebounds are on the cool throne, it sounds like.
Indeed. Cardi B, hit me up.
My other hot seat is Carole Baskin. Oh, damn it.
Sorry, Billy. She was on Dancing with the with the stars she was a horrific dancer really playing fast and loose with uh the word stars on this one aren't we yeah it was something she was an absolutely terrible dancer and then her dead husband's family took out an ad that ran right so it was like her dance commercial break her dead husband's family being like carol baskin murdered our son fuck yes so that was probably a bad i'm sure abc and dancing with the stars like we're not happy that's kind of how optically it played out and that's all anyone was talking about was like the advertisement well they took the money for it right i guess so yeah yeah i think i think abc played this they played both sides like a fiddle yes absolutely good for them absolutely i love it when corporations they middled that for sure good job disney carol baskin's just she gives off i will murder you vibes yeah oh yeah she does she gives off we'll be fine and then uh one morning i'll make you some pancakes and they'll be yeah like the cyanide and like the the guy robert durst like it's like i killed someone and i'm just kind of still going through life but like i'm not really denying it like i'm just like i'm like i'm a killer i i the thing that i can't understand i'm a killer and i got away with it i can't wrap my head around whether she's a genius for doing this like hiding in plain sight or this is all gonna blow up in her face because if she killed them which i i would lean yes allegedly allegedly now you can say whatever you want allegedly murderer doing dancing with stars has to be the worst move yeah it a cold case hot as hell.
I think you're underestimating the rush you must get if you get away with murder. Right.
I have to imagine that if you do that, like you kill somebody and for 20 years or however long it's been, you don't get caught, you probably feel like you can do whatever the fuck you want for the rest of your life. Yes.
No, that's a good point. That's a good point.
Okay you out yes big time uh then my cool throne is us you guys awls uh pmt twitch we finally are set up in the studio we're gonna start getting back on a more consistent schedule check that out pm part of my take twitch i'm getting good at golf pft is playing pga watch out shout out to nzxt for the pc hookup uh i don't know why we didn't set this up in our studio like a year ago, but we're Gucci now. Blake Koepka is tearing it up.
Get it. That goes nicely into, well, that's my cool throne, so I'll save that for later.
But my hot seat is insomnia because Pepsi is making sleepy cola. Do you see that? They're making a cola for bedtime.
So it's got lavender in there. I'm in it.
Yeah. No more night terrors for Big Cat if you're drinking nighttime Pepsi.
Yep. I don't know.
I feel like if you drink something really cold at bedtime, it's too refreshing. It would keep you awake.
Yeah. You got to warm it up.
Is, yeah, like a bottle? Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Put it in a baby bottle.
I like a baby. It's just a nipple at the top of it.
Can I speak freely for a second? So I moved a couple months ago, and I have a dick microwave. How have you hung on to that for this long? I kind of didn't really connect because it's a little bit below the dick.
But you're taller than Skip Bayless. Right, But it's more like kneecap.
It's a belly. It's down.
My apartment is not. I noticed it right away.
The one good benefit of having everything built lower is that it's great for pissing in the sink. Because it's like a trough for me.
But having a microwave at that level is also great if you have a toddler that's walking around that's learning to press buttons. No, you're right.
So the problem is I put his bottle in the microwave to warm up his milk and he fucking puts his head like right next to the microwave every time. And I'm pretty sure either I'm going to have a genius or his brain's going to be fried.
He's going to be on the record saying that like how much money you would put a baby in the microwave for. Yeah.
Oh, yeah. What was your answer? I think it was $30,000.
Yeah. Just to put it in two seconds.
Oh, wait. And actually turn it on.
This now was this was like that. That's a different story.
Yeah. I'll do it for free.
I had significantly less money then. So, yeah, I would have.
I now would not. I now would not.
Although he's a toddler toddler now so he wouldn't fit in the microwave anymore but when he was a baby he did he would have fit i mean i i just can't believe that you haven't made content out of the dick microwave yet i yeah i you got it we gotta get you we gotta get you a mitchell trubisky jersey that you can put in there i know it didn't on on dawn on me because it's shorter than my dick. If it was truly dick level, I would have been right away like, hey, guys, check this out.
It's a little too far down. But yeah, I did.
That's a really bad level for a microwave. Yeah, it is.
No, it sucks. What are you ever going to put in there? Baby's bottles and maybe my baby if I keep losing.
I would just look down at it. Even even if i had like i think a popcorn in my hands i would look down be like no that's too far yeah i can't i can't be bothered to do that well it's at my old apartment i had to there was no there's not enough counter space for a microwave so we had to put it under in like underneath and then pull it out every time so this is an upgrade okay that really will make you not eat popcorn.
Yes. To have to lift up a microwave.
And like plug it in. Yes.
Yeah. The plug in.
My cool throne is the course. The course is back.
The US Open is about to be played at Wingfoot this week. Yep.
And there's some videos coming out of caddies like just throwing balls onto greens and watching them roll off. There was one that was on there for 40 seconds.
It rolled for 40 seconds off the greens. So after getting emasculated the last couple years, the USGA has decided it's time to take back the open.
I love it. And the wing foot, it looks like it has gone fully rogue right now.
It's going to be incredible. So that's actually a perfect segue.
I'll do my cool throne first. I have golf fans on my cool throne because not only do we have the course, but we have Patrick Reed and Jordan Spieth teamed up.
They're in a threesome on Thursday and Friday. Who's the girl? Those guys hate each other.
Yeah. Remember that? 2018? They had the big blowup at the Ryder Cup? Well, I don't think you could put Patrick Reed in a pairing with somebody who would be like, yeah, hell yeah, I get to golf with Patrick.
Right. But remember, this was Spieth and Reed were awesome in the Ryder Cup.
And then in 2018, Spieth was like, no, I don't want to play with that guy anymore. And then it was a disaster.
The U.S. got smoked.
And Patrick Reed and his wife went on a tour being like, Jordan Spieth's an asshole. So they get to play together.
That will be awkward. Yeah.
Keep your wallet in your front pocket, Jordan.

Watch your wallet.

And then my hot seat is Adam Gase is officially on the hot seat

because PFT, your man, ranted on him.

Mike Greenberg said Adam Gase is unqualified to coach youth football.

Oh, man.

You know a good Greeny rant because a good greenie rant is enough anger

and then nothing memorable about it whatsoever.

Yeah, well, the funny thing is Mike Greenberg is the most unqualified person

to say who's qualified to coach youth football.

Mike Greenberg, he had like a permission slip from his parents

to not come anywhere close to a football field until he turned 18.

I just love greenie rants because they're so scripted and they're like... Careful.
What? Just careful. Greeny speaks from the heart.
When you think about content creators out there, you can think of something memorable they said or some opinion they had where like, oh, they really put their nuts on the line for that. Greeny has zero.
Well, yeah, Greeny's waited until, what, week two of the Adam Gase. Or is this year three? Year three.
Year three, week two of the Adam Gase experience to say that he thinks he's not a good coach. Greeny, as Adam Gase is being escorted out, he's like, I've had enough of Adam Gase.
Yeah, Greeny's still waiting to formulate his first opinion on, like, 808s and heartbreaks.

He's a guy that will nest on it like it's an egg that he's keeping warm.

He'll wait for a long time.

All right, Billy, finish this up, and then we'll get to Dan Patrick.

So I had two hot seats.

One was Big Ben's walking boot.

One was Carole Baskins.

All right, thanks, Billy.

All right, oh, go ahead.

My new one is CJ McCollum roasted the Clippers. Nice.
So who's your hot seat? The Clippers. All right.
Nice. You got this.
Jake's got a better one. Jake's got a better one.
Oh, Jake's got a better one. Hot seat is tropical vacations because the eight teams are supposed to have nothing to do with you.
I know you're like, well, you're not happy with me right now. Why are you not? Oh,? Hank's very snappy right now.
So the eight teams that are supposed to play in the battle for Atlantis, they're moving it from the Bahamas to the Sanford Pentagon in South Dakota. That's some difference of location.
The Sanford Pentagon? Including Duke. Whoa.
That sucks. Watch out for Attorney General up there.
Yeah, you might get hit by a car. Bahamas, South Dakota, same thing.
Yeah. Yikes.
Bahamas, Mount Rushmore. By the way, Billy, you have an easy hot seat.
Well, actually, cool thrown. Cool thrown your haters.
Why? Because you're going to be focused on school on Sundays, so you won't be here on Sundays. So the haters, cool thrown.
Bye, everybody. But hot seat.
I thought you didn't come to play school. The Billy stands, which there are Billy stands.
You will not hear Billy on Sundays. This is really confusing.
Let me just read the CJ McCollum. Okay.
All right, do it. My last tweet before I finished this class, they did vote.
They ain't want to play no more, but I didn't think they was going to go out like that on the Clippers. Good for CJ.
Oh, that's good.

And it's funny because people are saying that CJ should not be talking that shit

about the Clippers because obviously the Blazers are no longer in the playoffs.

But I can't recall the Blazers ever looking as pathetic as the Clippers look tonight.

Well, and CJ's having Dame Lillard back after Dame Lillard, remember,

had that big fight with all the Clippers when he missed those free throws.

And they were talking about them going to Cancun and Paul George and everything.

So I think this is fair play.

And I wanted to put Aaron Rodgers on the cool throne

because everyone gives him a lot of shit, but he went off past weekend.

All right. Thank you, Billy.
Very, very cool.

Have you noticed his beard?

I have a prediction to make about Aaron Rodgers' facial hair this year. So he's growing out the big hipster beard.
He looks like a bartender. And I think that at least by week 10 or 11, he's going to shave it into an ironic mustache.
I even think he might do the curly cues. He's going to do, yeah, the cowboy.
He's going to do the waxing thing at the end. And it's going to be like, oh, Aaron Rodgers is so goofy and gonna be he's gonna look like a guy who would give you uh some cocktail you never heard of in a steel mug in brooklyn yeah hey check this out it's got fennel in it yeah it sucks yeah we make our own ice cubes here yeah um all right that i like that that's gonna happen uh all right let's get to dan patrick before we do that our word word from our friends at Cross Country Mortgage.
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That's ccmlens, L-E-N-D-S.com slash take to learn more about your future home buying experience at ccmlens.com slash take to learn more ccmlens.com slash take do it right now uh and you will not be disappointed cross country mortgage llc nmls 3029 equal housing opportunity go to cross country mortgage.com for licensing and disclosures okay here he is dan patrick okay we now welcome on our good friend recurring guest it is dan patrick the dan patrick show is now on peacock streaming on peacock you need to get peacock if you don't have it do it right now the dan patrick show streaming every single day uh great to have you back on dan congratulations on going back to nbc would you ever leave no you did leave yeah you sort of yeah i sort of left and then when they gave me the opportunity to come back and be part of peacock then i thought you know i'm ready to go back in yeah have you learned to not giggle when you say streaming on peacock get peacock yeah that's all yeah grow up it's very funny to me still all right who came up with the set design there uh we just kind of throw shit in the room like it it's like the mini it's the mini dan patrick show you guys have a basketball hoop because uh you like to flop around shoot hoops in low contact. And we have a bench press and a squat rack because we're real men.
Well, I have a bench press and a squat rack as well. Who? No one uses it.
No one on your sheet. Maybe the behind the scenes guys.
Paulie does and McLovin does. Actually, I'm not surprised.
Well, McLovin. I mean, Perloff does not bench.
What does he bench? He's Kevin Durant. No, he benched 225.
Oh, get out of here. No, I swear he did.
We had a contest. I've never been more proud of the Danettes when McLovin, he benched 225 three times.
Wow. That's pretty impressive.
Because his arms are like four feet long each. Yes.
Yeah. No, durant like in his size for for our space there um all right my first real question is uh you promised me big 10 football and now i don't have it so no i didn't promise i didn't promise you got me excited i told you well you're not alone because everybody else has said I thought you said they're coming back October 10th.
I said, no, the target date is October 10th. That allowed them to play 10 games, and then they could get into the playoffs.
Whether they get to the October 10th date, which I doubt, that was what their plan was. It's a long shot, but that was the plan.
So they have a target date. What if

they miss the target? Is there a backup target date? Well, now I heard this morning that they're

looking at now, it may be November. The doctor, the medical community and some of the big 10

schools say, let's push this out to November. I don't think anything's going to happen here

because you're looking at the States now have problems. State of Illinois with Illinois,

Northwestern.

Michigan with Michigan, Michigan State.

Maryland, I don't know about Rutgers.

So how many teams are you going to have that are going to be able to play?

Eight, maybe?

I'm fine with that.

Just have Iowa and Wisconsin play every single weekend,

and then Ohio State can just circle the rest of them and beat them up.

Maybe just have an elimination tournament,

and then Ohio State just waits for the winner. I'm fine with that, too.
That's a great idea. I'm fine with that.
I'm okay with that. Yeah.
I'm just – I know deep down that it's probably not going to happen. I know deep down what's happening is there is some posturing going on where teams – where schools are basically pretending that they're fighting for there to be a season when they could have had a season, and they didn't.
You said October 10th, and I'm sticking to that, and you let me down. Let's just say that.
You let me down. I apologize.
The Pac-12 is not going to play this fall, just letting you know. I don't want you to have your hopes up.
Even if your hopes were up before, they're not going to play this this fall is that breaking news are you breaking news no no no no no it's going to be they're going to try to play in january yeah but yeah they they took all of the uh drama and intrigue out there there's no hey we might play we could play right uh big 10 is still holding out hope and then when president trump got involved and then talked to the commissioner of the big think people thought, oh, so this is really going to happen. And then he said we're at the one-yard line.
I said we're not even in the red zone. Okay, but the SEC is definitely happening.
Yes, they're playing ACC and Big 12. All right, so now this is more of an inside baseball question, but when you break a news story, I think you actually had the Big Ten canceling the season first.
Do college football writers get mad at you because it's kind of their turf and you're getting in on it? Or do you hear anything back from them? Are they like, how the hell did Dan Patrick get it before us? No, a lot of times what happens is somebody will confirm your story. that's the old call that the shefter the espn way that you know if we didn't break a story we would confirm a story therefore we were able to take the story and make it ours but no for the most part i mean i i welcome if it's pat 40 or uh bruce feldman any of those guys if they have information i'm always open to having them on.
But no, I would hope that they're not envious, jealous, or angry that I'm doing this show but somehow able to break those stories. You've been doing this for a while, and this is really the first time that everything has been put on total hold in the sports world.
Do you find yourself struggling to – I don't know, it's obviously less fun to spend your summertime talking about this stuff than it would be to talk about Mount Rushmore season typically, which is a sacred time of year if you're in sports radio. But you have to switch gears entirely.
Do you find yourself not having as much fun talking about the real serious stuff? I think it's not as much fun because you're talking about some pretty serious issues. And then everybody wants to grab what you're saying and then twist it a little bit.
If I talk COVID, then I'm politicizing it or weaponizing it. And all I did is personalize it because I have a compromised immune system.
I said, look, you know, this is my world and this is how I see it. And but but it's, it's not meant to be political, but somebody grabs it and they go, oh, you know, typical, whatever.
And then they run with it. But for the most part, we've had probably more things to talk about.
What, you know, you talk about, there was the draft, there was Brady, there was Gronk. I mean, you go down the list and you realize there were so many things that were happening that didn't deal with the game itself, but there was so much news attached to it.
Mahomes's deal. Now Watson's deal.
We dealt with Dak Prescott's potential deal that he was going to have. And I think it made us better as a show because you couldn't just take it for granted.
Hey, let's talk about what the Lakers did last night. You really had to think about who we were having on and what stories we were going to follow.
So I don't want to go through it again, but I'm glad we went through it from the perspective of it made our show better. How did all the Danettes do? Was there any more extra infighting with, you know, not as much stuff to talk about? Everyone's got to come up with new ideas? No, because I said, you guys stay at home.
I want you to be safe. So Paulie stayed in here, my producer.
We had a skeleton crew. So I said to Fritzie and Seton and McLovin, if you guys aren't comfortable being in here, stay in your home.
And they did that for a few months. Because I can't say you got to come in.
I just said, if you want to come in but if you want to stay at home i don't care how long you stay at home because you can still contribute but uh you know they were glad let's put it that way to get back in the studio you'll have meet meet friday and be able to shoot basketball and you know you get away from being you know confined so they all talked about how paulie was a suck-up because he was coming in with the boss every day. Got it.
Not trying to start infighting, but that's clearly what happened, right? Pauly doesn't know how to suck up. He doesn't.
Fritzie does. McLovin does.
But Pauly, no. Pauly doesn't.
He doesn't care. Who would you say loves you the most out of all the dentists?

Like, loves you single white female love me?

No, like if someone was trying to assassinate Dan Patrick,

who would be the quickest to jump in front of the bullet?

Oh.

Oh.

I was going to say nobody, but I got to pick somebody here. I'm going to guess Paulie.
Yeah. Just so he could then tell everybody that he did it.
Fritzie, no way. McLovin, no way.
Seton might, but I guess I'd say Paulie. Okay.
Well, yeah. I mean, that's probably it.
Just as elimination. He'd do it in the off chance that the bullet wasn't fatal and then he could have that scar for the rest he'd do the show he'd take off all his flannel and just be doing a show with a bullet wound in his right shoulder just being like this is where i took one for dan yes he would probably try to negotiate with the guy and be like hey listen i can uh i got a great property for you in vermont why don't you move up here? Your property's real cheap.
I get that text from him probably once a month being like, hey, look at this place, not too far from me. And I'm like, I love it, but I'm like, Paulie, I'm not moving to Vermont, man.
Like, I'm not moving to Vermont. Well, he got Chris Mannix.
He did? Oh, my God. So he's been working on everyone.
I think he just wants the whole like sports media world to move to Vermont. It's actually an ambitious undertaking.
I like it. Well, he got Mannix to move up there and they lived about a couple of hundred yards away and they had walkie talkies.
They would talk to each other on walkie talkies from their homes. Listen I hope he never stops sending them because that means he cares.
So the minute he stops sending me the real estate listings in Vermont, that means that he doesn't consider me a friend anymore. So I hope they always keep coming.
All right. I'll let him know.
Jumping back to the assassination thing real quick, you do find yourself in a position where somebody that works for you could pay somebody to fake try to kill you and then they become the hero because i mean you like you control you control all the strings there dan you're like you know you are the guy that's in charge so it is very worthwhile to try to get on your good side do you find yourself like looking at any present they give you or any compliment they give you with like an air of suspicion? They don't give me presents and they don't give me compliments. Just letting you know, it's the most needy staff.
When I walk out after doing the show, they wait to be told great show. It's never, it is never reciprocated.
I've worked with Fritzie for over 20 years. And I said to him, Do you know that you've never complimented me first? Never.

Because... over 20 years.
And I said to him, do you know that you've never complimented me first? Never. Because if I go out, you know, let's say he books a couple of great guests, I'll always say, hey, Fritzie, great job today.
And then he'll go, you too. And I said, Fritzie, you've never said, hey, great show.
And he said, I have to believe I've done it once or twice. I said i said in over 20 years you probably have done it maybe once or twice so that's the that's the audience i played to yes how do you how do you handle something like uh for example this morning in in sports media because you have a respectable show i would say we don't have to worry about having the same level of tack that you have but when the first thing that's trending all over social media in the morning is Odell Beckham Jr.
And you find out why Odell Beckham Jr. is trending on sports media.
Like you probably can't really get into the weeds too much on why he's trending. Where do you where do you draw that line? It's like, OK, well, the whole world's talking about it, but we can't.
Well, there's a lot of things the whole world can be talking about, and I can't. But it's better to just touch on it in a little nudge there.
Or we know it. We can't touch it.
Because I said I always thought he was a number one wide receiver and not a number two. And then Seton, of course, you know, then he laughed and Paulie laughed, and then that was it.
We didn't have to touch on it, and then we move on. Because it's not like I can go, hey, let's get a couple of – hey, let me get Shefty on the phone.
Hey, Shefty, what do you think of this Odell Beckham Jr. story? I actually – that was one of my favorite parts about the story is that, like, a Schefter or a Rapaport or all these guys sitting there and not being able to get involved.
You just know it's killing them that they can't tweet about it. It's like, no, this is us.
We get to do this. You don't get to do this.
But, Cat, I was waiting for Shefty to confirm this story. Confirmation that it actually happened.
I'm hearing that it did happen and that she did not wipe., he would do that. My story.
He adds like the little nugget on top of it. And he's like, this is my part of the story.
I'm going to plant my flag. Yeah, per sources.
I think last time we had you on, we asked you how long you're going to be doing this for. Now that you've re-upped with the cock, what do you think in terms of like Dan Patrick retiring in three three to five years what are we looking at i'm gonna guess in five years i'll be done five i think you told us five years like three years ago i i've been on the five-year plan for about 10 years okay i i this time i mean it no way i i've done enough damage i bothered enough people that it's time for somebody else.
five years that's it i'm done doing a daily show so right when like right when peyton manning's son or no arch manning right when arch manning is getting to the nfl you're going to walk away at that point and lebron james son yes yeah yes but i i mean i've been around doing this for such a long time, and I'm very lucky to have done it.

But, you know, after a while when you see somebody retires and then their kid comes in and then they're ready to retire,

and then you go, that's a long time.

But I've been fortunate.

I like it.

I love doing this every day.

I could do without TV.

Radio is so much fun because, as you guys know, you come in and

you go, what do you want to talk about? Right. And then you just start firing away.
And that's

what's fun about it. And the reaction you get from people is real.
They can call you, they can tweet,

they can email, they can respond to you automatically or in real time. And you can't do

that anymore. Newspaper columnist or TV host doesn't get to do that.
So I enjoyed it. I appreciate

Now, when you say that, just to clarify, you're, you mean like radio is fun that, but also the streaming when you guys are just, yeah, not you're saying TV when it's like a big set football night, like football night in America, right? That's a different beast in its own. Got it.
Yeah, because it's so much time leading up to an hour of being on TV that you spend eight to ten hours to get to.

You know, SportsCenter was the same way.

We would get in, and then we'd have a three o'clock rundown meeting,

and then we wouldn't be on the air until 11,

and it's just all of that time, and then you get on.

Like, who is asked to be their best at the end of the day?

Us.

Yeah, that's us.

That's our share of story.

We tape it like midnight.

Yeah.

No, seriously.

Football season being back.

On Sunday nights, we literally tape the show at like 1230.

But it's hard, though, because you've got to gear up to that.

Like SportsCenter, I would drink four 20-ounce bottles of Coca-Cola each night. Oh, party animal.
Jeez. Because I wanted to be on fire when I got to 11 o'clock.
Because you're tired. Yeah.
And then I would get done at, let's say you're on 11, you're done at 12, I'm home by close to one, three beers, and then in bed. Yeah.
And that would, you know, so you do that. I was on second shift for 15 years.
Not the healthiest way to approach your job, but that's what it was just about every night. That's like Keith Richards stuff right there.
No, it's three beers, four. Are we talking full sugar Cokes or diet? Oh, yeah.
No, hardcore. Yeah.
Heavy? Coke heavy? Hell, yeah. No, you're right, though.
It is. We do.
It's more the idea that you still have something left in your day. Like, you could be sitting.
When we're sitting here, it's not hard for us to get up at 1230 after a full slate of NFL games. It's more that, like, you know that you, no matter what you still have like

the work part of your day coming up. Yeah.
And it's live as well. So you add a little degree of difficulty there and it, but I love that.
I love that part. Cause you were always on edge.
You know, you had to be ready to go. Uh, if you screwed up on a highlight or whatever it might be And, you know, to be – it probably didn't help that I was all wired up from the soda that I was drinking.
But, yeah, I got amped up. And then I had to quickly come down with three beers in less than an hour.
And then when you're doing Football Night in America, you have to hang out with Peter King all day. And he's probably telling you stories of smoking doobies with the Doobie Brothers.
Iuce springsteen up to 11 and driving 67 miles an hour up 95 i was with peter king one night we were at dinner in new york and it's the sunday night guys we would get there on saturday night we'd have dinner and we started telling stories and tony dungy started telling a story and peter king says to tony tony you're wrong and here's why and we just stopped because tony was talking about something to do with coaching and peter just says tony you're wrong and here's why and then we just went holy he's he's telling tony doesn't know what he's talking about that's peter yeah that's peter yeah so much so much like information inside of his head so wait when you're um like five years from now if you leave the dan patrick show and they inevitably give it let's say to uh to ross tucker ross tucker gets that gig and you're on the road and you accidentally tune in to the new dan patrick show with ross tucker you're to listen and be like, I need to come and I need to take my show back. No, no.
Once I go, I'm gone. Like once I left SportsCenter, I was gone.
Football Night in America, once I left, I was gone. I won't look back.
Absolutely not. But that would be funny, the Dan Patrick show featuring Ross Tucker.
Yeah, listed by Ross Tucker. Yeah, And then you pull a Jay Leno and you come back like two weeks later.

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Get off your order have to be 21 to purchase and now back to dan patrick uh you when you were on with us a couple years ago we talked about pete rose you shared a bookie with him uh now that gambling has become legalized in a lot of states and you actually see there's a new deal with the cubs are doing a deal with uh you know legal I'm not going to shout out a competitor here. But do you think that Pete Rose will get in the Hall of Fame in his lifetime? And since you shared a bookie with him, do you think you'll maybe give the speech? He shouldn't get in the Hall of Fame.
He won't get in the Hall of Fame. Really? Don't you think it's hypocritical? Well, he was betting on his team.
Right. But if you bet on your team, he could manipulate.
But they're taking in gambling money. That's hypocritical.
I know, but he could manipulate the lineup. So what about the days that he didn't bet on his team? If you're a bookie, you're probably letting your friends know, Pete's not betting on the Reds today.
And then you may alter your pitching staff. You may use a pitcher, John Franco, more than he should because you want to win that day.
I mean, if Pete would have stopped and never managed, Pete would probably be in the Hall of Fame. But, you know, all that information came out about him gambling.
And I believe it's like cheating in grad school. You know, the undergrad, Pete was, you know, magna cum laude.

But you cheat in grad school, should that affect what you did,

you know, with undergrad?

And it does with baseball.

I grew up loving Pete Rose in Cincinnati, and it's tough to say it.

Unless they go, here's Pete in the Hall of Fame.

I mean, he's benefited more by not being in the Hall of Fame. True.

If Pete was in the Hall of Fame,

nobody would have talked about him the last 25 years.

Yeah.

But because of this, he became a sympathetic figure. He gets the biggest ovations of all of these players.
You know, somehow that, you know, baseball has done this to Pete Rose. Pete Rose did it to himself.
And it's unfortunate, but Pete, the baseball player, and Pete, the person, are the same thing. It's like Barry Bonds was his own worst enemy.
Roger Clemens his own worst enemy. A lot of these guys are their own worst enemy.
That prevents them from kind of getting out of their own way. So why don't you punish Pete Rose by putting him in the Hall of Fame? Like, we'll show you Pete.
No one's going to talk about you ever again. Shut him up.
I like it. That'll do it.
That actually probably would hurt him. Six years from now, if Pete was in the Hall of Fame, he'd be like, man, it sucks.
No one's talking about it. I can't show up at Hooters and get paid $200 per autograph anymore.
He made more money by not making it in the Hall of Fame. That's a good spin zone.
I just think it's hypocritical, and obviously I love gambling. I think all sports should embrace it because it's inevitable.
What's the most you ever bet on as sporting event? A lot. A lot.
Like how much? Thousands. We're going to probably have to cut this.
Thousands? More than thousands? I bet 3,000. I bet more than that.
5,000 is the

most I've ever bet on a game.

I bet 3,000 and I

was up

6,000 and I bet

on the Orange Bowl

years, years, years, years ago. Last bet I made.

I lost

the bet so it cost me

3,300 and then I closed up shop after that didn't i've never gambled again out of winter i bet out of winter i bet 2 000 i lost 3 300 no you're on 6 000 though yeah yeah you're out of winter i i walked out yeah with with cash yeah i bet yeah i bet two grand on uh on the broncos in the super bowl against the seahawks. And then that was a mistake.
And then I was like, okay, I'm never betting that much again. And then I bet $2,000 on the Panthers against the Broncos because the Broncos fucked me over.
I had them too. At that point, I was like, you know what? I'm done betting that much.
So I've shaved quite a bit off that. Everybody has a bad beat, too.
You know, like Floyd Mayweather's never lost a bet, which I find interesting. He always tells us when he wins a bet.
I lost a bet. It was Bears-Packers Chester Markle was the kicker.
All he had to do was make the field goal, and I cover. Field goal blocked.
up and he runs in for a touchdown and I I lost that that was probably the worst bad beat I ever had but that's one of those where you go I I didn't enjoy it like I didn't need that's fun when you get that pain when you're like how the hell did this happen oh yeah i never enjoyed the winning i never

enjoyed the winning the losing i couldn't watch games anymore oh see i love it all like a real

bad beat that's that's shit you'll remember forever i remember when they just magically put

on time utah versus duke in like the second round like seven years ago like there's shit that just

sticks with you and it's that's what it is.

You tell those stories for the rest of your life.

I don't need to tell those stories.

I'm glad that I don't have any more stories to tell from that last beat I had.

I mean, imagine if you were betting on, was it 1976 Olympics,

and you had the USA against Russia in basketball,

and that entire ending sequence, even if you lost that,

you would never, ever forget where you were.

I don't need to go through that anymore. It was painful.
I used to call up, there was a score, like you could dial up a number and you could get all the scores. And I wanted to call up, let's say I had Army in 18 and they ended up covering.
I would call up just to hear that score over and over again because it made me feel good. Yes.
Oh, absolutely. When you got a winner and you got the no-doubter, there's no better feeling in the world.
Oh, no. I know gambling is going to be here really soon, and all these commissioners are looking for their piece of the – I mean, that was really the holdup.
They made it seem like – I think it was Roger Goodell said that gambling ruins families, and now everybody's changed their tune on gambling. gambling like no everything's uh everything's good it's a good participation sport you know for the family to be all involved well uh yeah i mean i'm i'm again very biased but i do think legalized gambling is a lot safer than uh people betting over their head with you know credit they don't have and all that stuff like that's it's it's like a lot of things that once you take it out of the shadows and it gets regulated you can you can actually it can a lot of times be a lot safer well i wonder if we will get to the point where if we go back to when we go back to stadiums let's say you have sort of a gambling suite there yeah that that you can go in and place bets there and it'll be governed by the nfl and States where you have to have cash to be able to bet.
And then you just go in, you could bet on like a soccer matches in the premier league where you can, you can bet while you're there. I think that that's probably where we're headed, where we'll provide the bookie for you.
Like, come on in and, you know, here's your winnings and that'll cost you. But I think there's so many billions and billions of dollars that are attached to this that the NFL is going to capitalize more than anybody, obviously.
Yeah. So I know you're not on Twitter much, if at all.
Are you ever on Twitter? No. Okay.
Do your guys ever freak out when dan patrick starts trending and it's a politician not you well if they say paulie will go you're trending and then i know that it's the other dan patrick in texas the lieutenant governor and then i know that that's not going to be a good thing but i i'm to the point now where you know i i just felt bad because i had people who I know who said, what do you have against old people? And I said, I don't know what what are you talking about? They said, no, you're quoted as saying that, hey, old people die. And I go, oh, my God.
And then I looked at what the lieutenant governor of Texas said. I go, no, I'm all for old people.
You know, I hope they live long, great lives. And then I'm going, people think that I'm against old people here.
You should just have your name switched back to being Dan Pugh. Well, it's a little late in the game.
Clear that right up. No, it's not too late.
Just do it. You should do Dan Peacock if you're a company man.
How about Danny P? Then it could be Pew, Patrick, or Peacock. Yeah, Danny Cox.
Yeah, go Cox. Go Cox.
Yeah. But if you grow up with a name like that, you're like, you know, I have six brothers and sisters.
So we just kind of grew up and we knew, all right, go ahead, make the joke. And then we move on from it.
I got to CNN and that was in the early eighties. And my boss said, you got to change your name.
And I go, I thought he meant my first name. I swear to God, because I'd like, you know, I'm attached to this name.
Like, you know, at that point in my life, you know, so what he goes, you can't go on the air and then people make fun of you. And then I go, oh.
So I just said, all right, well, I'll just take my middle name. And then that was it.
And my sisters were mad at me, and I'm like, you got married. You changed your name.
What are you talking about? Right. Yeah.
Yeah. That was a smart move.
That was a smart move. Yeah, I think so.
I think so. It worked out well in the long run.
One thing people don't talk, I think, enough about you, Dan, is you have a great voice. Do you do voice exercises? No.
You've never done, like, vocal training? It's natural. No.
Very lucky. My grandmother had a great voice, gravelly voice.
But that was probably from Bourbon. But I was just lucky.
You don't, you know, when people say, how do you get a voice like that? And I go, I don't know. I just opened my mouth.
So no, I didn't, didn't do anything. No vocal training.
It's very comforting. And I've also noticed that when, when I listen to your show, sometimes you are able to do like the pregnant pause or take, you really take your time in between words.
Sometimes where you're obviously obviously thinking about something what's the longest you've ever gone between saying words uh probably a good six seven seconds nothing but you know what there's there's something great about if you stop then people stop as well and and there's something that, now what are you saying after that is really important. But I don't like to go a mile a minute.
I like to let it breathe.

I like to slow it down sometimes, but I don't do it for effect. It's just sometimes you just do it

where you're going, you know what, what is the right thing to say? Because everything is going

to be examined and you got to be careful. Certainly in the last five months, with what are you saying and how are you saying it and then how are people consuming it.
So I've been probably even more aware of it than I have been in previous years. I almost paused for a little bit longer, though, but I didn't want to do uh because you would have thought i was staging it alternatively you could take our approach talk fast make a lot of mistakes fumble over yourself and people are like you guys are fucking idiots so we're not gonna like whatever you say doesn't really matter there's probably some truth to that because since there are two of us sometimes three when hank's chiming in doing a show at once there's really not an opportunity to pause we should's thoughts.
There's long silences. See if we can get everyone to be like, is my phone broken? I actually think that we're incapable of doing it.
Yeah. Because if both Big Cat and I stop talking for a second, Hank might think that we're waiting on him to comment on something.
Billy might fucking think that we're making fun of him. Yeah, he'll start crying.
The whole thing just falls apart. The house just goes to shit.
If mom and dad stop talking for three seconds, this room will catch on fire. Constant noise.
But we should try doing it. Like that.
That was uncomfortable. It's so weird.
Can you close your legs, though? You're really distracting me. Who, me? You can see PFT's Yes.
We had to blur out my balls on the episode of Barstool Van Talk. I got to pixelate those.
You're rolling those things out right now. Sweatpants.
Yeah. Accent them sometimes.
All right. I got two last questions.
Okay. Two last questions.
One, give us your hottest take for the NFL season. Don't give us the peacock version.
Like, oh, I think Tom Brady's going to have a good year. Give us something you actually feel.
The cock take. And we can really hold it to you for the rest of the year.
Like I said, the Ravens were frauds. I took a lot of shit and then I ended up being right, but I took a lot of shit.
Like, give us a take that you're going to have to be like, stand behind it. I can't give you my take until Thursday when the season starts.
No! No! We're not going to hear this until after Thursday. Packers aren't going to make the playoffs.
There, I gave you mine. Okay.
Patriots don't make the playoffs. Oh, Hank is mad.
Okay, PFT. Hank is real-life mad.
We're trading takes. Trading takes.
I think that the Panthers will be in the wildcard conversation as late as mid-November. Teddy Bridgewater.
Wow. Wait, late November? Yeah, that way, since I used the term late November, I can be very ambiguous and not really have to answer for my take.
It was in the conversation. Yeah, no, here's my take.
The Broncos are making the playoffs. Denver Broncos are making the playoffs this year.
If they don't, I'll let some chick from Instagram shit on my chest. That's good.
That's really good. Don't hold me to that.
Hank's looking at me like, you said it. You have to do it.
Yeah, again. Okay.
Well, that was a a pause i was actually reading i i googled um dan patrick peacock in this you have facebook comments you have one comment on your video susan k mcqueen she seems nice she said dan peacock sucks video in and out bad quality reruns not available for days and days please go back or add youtube i'm just telling you what the people are saying that's one person she doesn't she seems angry i she i would check i would guess susan mcqueen does a lot of facebook commenting you know what give me i'm gonna find her number i'm gonna actually call her yes have her on the show be like hey let's figure this out i've actually watched it and it's it's opposite everything i'm gonna call her i'm gonna call her and just apologize because that's what i do it's it's one person it's it's you know one person at a time yeah that's how you build an audience like barstool yes um all right so my last last question uh all right so we are going to come up to connecticut uh we were planning on doing then coronavirus happened who are you who are you bringing with so it's gonna to be our crew so it's me, PFT, Hank so I think Billy Football our intern will be our fourth and we'll play three on three what do you put the line at? 21, games to 21 so we're going to play the Dan X how good is the intern here? he's tall but I don't think he really. He probably plays basketball like a football player, so probably doesn't really know what he's doing.
Yeah, but that guy can be dangerous. All right, so let's say that he can – we'll pick a Danette, a fourth Danette that he can only sub in and out with.
All right. So that's fair.
So what's the three? First to 21. Yeah, it's going to take days.
Like, we're going to have to get a hotel. We're going to have to create a bubble because 21 will take a long time.
Yeah. But we'll do it.
Who are you betting on? Not that you bet. I'd have to see you guys shoot around here.
Because I know that you love playing. And you've got an unfair advantage.
You've seen the Danettes.

You've seen us scrimmage against Adam Sandler.

You've seen us in the – so you know.

I'll put it this way.

I have no idea.

It's been about six years since I've played a competitive game of basketball,

but I just touched rim over the weekend.

So you should be afraid of that.

Well, you're athletic because I saw that when you were trying out as a place kicker yeah true and obviously you got meaty thighs because i'm seeing them oh yeah so i put those away in front of me damn i think we would win i actually think it would all come down to how uh hank's stamina is honestly how good is hank how good is hank hank can be hank can get hank is Hank is the perfect six man. He gets hot.
He's a microwave. He gets hot.
And when he gets hot, he stays hot. But if he's cold, he's just going to be throwing it out of the gym.
But if his stamina is there, the Danettes would be screwed. But Hank also, he smokes weed.
So we all do. So that probably goes against us.
I would say you guys might arrive as favorites here. Okay.
All right. You guys would be like the Milwaukee Bucks.
You'd be coming in as favorites. And then all of a sudden, maybe the pesky Miami Heat would show up.
You think Giannis is a bust? You think he's a bum? Have you said that yet? No. So you're not doing your job? What about a fraud? Yeah.
Is he fraudulent? What kind of show are you running? I had no problem saying the Miami Heat would win that series against Milwaukee. I had no problem saying that whatsoever.
Because in the playoffs, you can't just run up and down the floor like they do during the regular season Miami has had a great philosophy here but I think the Greek freak has got to get a signature move yeah and I it's one move that he's gonna he's got to have that because he doesn't beat you off the dribble uh you know he doesn't have a reliable shot he doesn't shoot free throws well but if he gets to run up and down the floor, then you will not stop him. But Miami's had a good defensive philosophy there.
Sounds like you're saying he's a bust. I like the way that you put it, though, which is a classic late 90s talk.
He needs a signature move. I could imagine my dad getting mad at the TV when I was a kid watching sports because this guy doesn't have a signature move.

Kareem's got the sky hook.

Jerry West had the logo move.

The other dad thing to do is be like, you know what, Giannis?

He has to go and work on his post moves.

He's got to get his back to the basket.

He's got to learn his post moves in the summer.

Yeah, spend a summer with Dwight Howard and work on his post.

No, he's got to go to like, who was it? Patrick Ewing. Doug Moe, big man camp.
in the summer. Yeah, spend a summer with Dwight Howard and work on his postgame.

No, he's got to go to like, who was it? Patrick Ewing.

Doug Moe, big man camp or somebody like that.

He's got to do like that.

But, you know, when you think about it,

how many players of the older generation

didn't have a signature move?

Like they, very few guys,

Will Chamberlain didn't have a signature move.

Shaq didn't have a signature move.

Well, I would say Will Chamberlain probably had a signature move. We probably didn't see it.
Off the court. Okay, I see we're going here.
Yeah, yeah. But no, I'm trying to be serious and be a goddamn journalist, and then everything is a joke to you.
Well, because you won't fucking just say it. Giannis is a fraud.
You were saying I had to have a second hot take or something with the football segment. Are we done? You're too measured, Dan.
Here's what we have to do. Just come up with the name of the move first and then tell him he has to learn it.
I like the Euro step. The fraud buster.
The G-Y-R-O step. Well, you've got to come up with a Greek dish.
Yeah. Spanakopita.
Yeah. The taramussalata.
The flaming cheese. What's that called? Is that a Slovakie or something like that? Yeah.
The flaming cheese. If he did that, if he, like, dumped on someone and then just lit a match.
Yeah. The tiramisuperman.
Yeah. I like that.
Yeah. Okay.
Okay. See, this is what happened 20 years ago at SportsCenter when you try to come up with catchphrases.
This is what would have happened if we were sitting around talking about a player like the Greek freak. Hey, we gotta do a Greek dish here and then that'll be the catchphrase for the Greek freak.
Yeah. Actually, that sounds like the best that sounds like the best time ever.
Yeah. It was.
It was a lot of fun. Now journalism is just calling people frauds.
Yes. Look how far we've come.
All right, Dan, thank you as always. We really appreciate it.
Everyone go download Peacock. Peacock.
Can watch Dan every single, Dan and Danettes every single day. I'm happy you guys are back streaming.
You're always part of my morning routine.

And make sure you do try to come up.

I want you guys to play.

Hashtag we want to play.

We want to play.

What you want to do is come up on a meet Friday.

Yes, I see that.

We'll get the Traegers fired up, ready to go.

And then we'll have some beverages.

I got beer on tap here.

So we're good to go. We should also have a wrinkle where we all have to play in Pauly's flannel shirts or something.
That would be good. I like it.
Yeah, we have to have jerseys. He's definitely got three blue flannels and three red flannels, and we'll do that.
He does love his flannel. He loves his flannel.
Shirts for skins, but it's pants versus bottomless. Yeah, you don't want to see us with our shirts off.
Just balls off everywhere. I've seen enough skin here.
Yeah, no, you don't want to see that. Yeah.
All right, Dan. Thanks so much, man.
Appreciate it. Thank you, guys.
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Get them at MeUndies.com slash take. Okay, let's get some segments, and then we will send you on your way.
First up, we have Kicker's Psychology Couch. So every kicker in the NFL sucks.
That was what we found out. Except for Fat Randy.
He was hurt. Yeah, he's hurt, which he actually isn't hurt.
So back to suck it. He's even worse hurt.
He has two leg injuries. We thought he just had the one.
So he missed the kick, grabbed the right leg, and then after the game, he said, yeah, I felt my left calf cramp up a little bit.

His left calf cramped up a little bit.

His left calf cramped up.

So that's 10 times fast.

Left calf cramped up.

Yeah.

Yeah, so he's...

But he's back.

He's back.

Cody Parkey's back.

Because everybody else stinks just as badly as he does.

So you can't really point a finger.

I'm going to call him Lieutenant Randy.

I just love...

Both legs. I love the fact that with no fans in the crowd, you're thinking, how's the game going to be different? Will there be no home field advantage? How will offenses do? You can audible, you can hard count, all this stuff.
No, really the only change that we can actually understand is that kickers are such mental cases that they can't kick when they're in an empty stadium. Yes.
That's it. That's literally the only – if you looked at week one, it looked like real football except for the fact that every kicker sucked.
Even kickers in mile high. It's down 71.6% as opposed to 81.6% last year.
So it usually hovers right around 80%, 83%. And so it's down over 10% this year.
I have a theory about why. Besides the fact that I think some kickers do pick one person to aim for in the stands behind the net, I actually think that the touchback has a lot to do with it.
So all the kicks, they're all going for touchbacks. There aren't as many returns.
I think that kickers are such head cases that sometimes being involved in a kick return and getting hit a little bit, it kind of knocks them back into reality. But touchbacks haven't been around for a while.
Touchbacks have been getting less and less over the last several years. And there's been kind of a small downward trend.
I would say it's more about the extra point, which has also been for the last few years. Because the extra point used to be free throws.
You used to go to the line, see the ball go through the hoop, see the ball go through the uprights, and be like, okay, I got this. Now, those aren't sure things.
And it feels like this is some nerd can figure out the stats. But if a kicker misses an extra point, they're like 95 95 chance they're going to miss their next kick oh of course but the interesting thing is that extra points aren't down at all this year no but i'm saying that mentally fucks them up more than yes the kickoff yeah if you miss what's supposed to be like a gimme extra point yeah it does fuck you and you can't like turn your brain off and just that's you know when it used to be the one yard two yard line it was automatic it was just get there see you know almost like a nice practice rep that you get live practice rep uh now they don't have that they have to be worried about it all the time i'm just gonna i'm gonna pull a brazilian soccer coach technique and just no kickers are allowed to have sex until the percentage improves.
I just love kickers fucking up.

It's always fun.

It's always fun to see kickers fuck up.

The Monday night game we talked about at the top,

but like Kostowski,

just the pressure that you feel when you watch a game,

when you know that a kicker is spiraling on tilt,

it just makes for such great theater.

All right, our next segment,

we had Trouble in Paradise, Chicago Bears.

It only took two days for the Bears to totally fuck up

Thank you. It just makes for such great theater.
All right, our next segment, we had Trouble in Paradise, Chicago Bears. It only took two days for the Bears to totally fuck up one of the best comebacks they've had in a long time.
Allen Robinson wants to trade. Allen Robinson, this league, the hell out of his social media.
He not only unfollowed and took out any mention of the Bears, he deleted every Instagram picture of him in a Bears uniform. How much time do you think that took for him to just go through and scrub his torture? A while.
Probably a couple hours, right? Yeah, a while. That's dedication.
I guess he's... Is this supposed to apply pressure to a front office? Do front offices respond to that where they're like, Oh shit, he untagged Ryan Pace in the team photo.
He's dumb enough that he could do it. I don't really understand why they wouldn't sign him, especially they gave some money.
This is what happens when you give $13 million or whatever it was to Jimmy Graham and Robert Quinn gets a bunch of money and he's 30 years old. And then Allen Robinson is, outside of Khalil Mack, is your best player and you're not going to pay him.
So I don't really, it's very confusing. You also saw the good, the sign that you are fucking up.
There's two signs. One, when other players start tweeting about it from your team being like, pay Allen Robinson.
Cause usually players kind of stay out of all of that. But they know.
Right. They stay out of it though.
Usually they don't talk about what for or against. They don't talk about another guy's money.
And two, when fans from other fan bases start dreaming about trading for Allen Robinson, you're like, oh, maybe we shouldn't let that guy go when everyone's like, ooh, we got an extra second-round pick line around. Let's go get Allen Robinson.
I saw 15 teams that are rumored to go after Allen Robinson. That's the sign, Ryan Pace.
Stop being a fucking idiot and sign Allen Robinson. Dude, I saw some actual reports saying that the Washington football team is interesting going all in.
It's like, since when did Washington become more functional than Chicago? That's an interesting one. Because they're definitely not yet at that point.
No. Yeah, it's not good.
I think that Allen Robinson, he's the greatest wide receiver of all time.

Yes, he's very good.

There's a certain part of him that I think likes being known as the guy that is a really good wide receiver that doesn't have anybody

that can get him the ball.

And so now that Mitch has taken that next step and he's really good,

let's cool down with that.

Allen Robinson can't be – he has no more excuses being like,

I'm a great player with somebody who can't –

like he played in Jacksonville, he had Nick Foles. No, he didn't.
Yeah, he had Nick Foles for a little bit. Didn't he in Jacksonville? No.
Not even for two games? Allen Robinson has been on the Bears for a while. Who was his quarterback in Jacksonville? Blake Bortles.
I was trying to just. Okay.
He had Christian Hackenberg in Penn State and then Mitch Trubisky. So, yeah, Allen Robinson's the best wide receiver of all time.

Yeah, he's good.

Let's just say that.

Well, if he wants – there are an abundance of teams that would like Allen Robinson

that have shitty quarterbacks right now.

Every team wants Allen Robinson.

Any New York team would love Allen Robinson.

The Jets, that would be such a Jets move.

Be like, let's get Allen Robinson.

Oh, we still can't block anyone.

So, we can't get the ball to Allen Robinson.

Either way, figure it out, Ryan Pace.

It's just such – it's so classic Bears. Like.
Like doesn't even give you two, 48 hours to enjoy a win. Nope.
Can't even have that. You might have been hanging out with Jimmy Graham too much because that's a Jimmy Graham technique to remove like one specific thing from your Twitter bio.
You're hoping that you'll get paid more money. Yeah, it's so stupid.
All right. Should we wrap up? We have guys on chicks hank hank is we're watching the the celtics heat right now hank is very hank just did the the travel motion very boisterous boisterously boisterous well there's no sound sorry i couldn't tell they called the uh gesticulating the travel or not yeah you're italian you're going crazy speaking with your hands PFT, and Ria's boyfriend.
I keep having sex dreams about my best guy friend. Not just a couple, but at least four times a week.
It's getting so bad that I'm starting to wonder if I have actual feelings for him. Unfortunately, he has a girlfriend, so how do I get rid of these feelings? Serious inquiries only.
Thank you. I'm going to just go out on a limb and say you have feelings for him.
Four times a week. You're having sex with him four times a week in your dreams?

Imagine dreaming about anything four times a week.

No.

Night terrors, I have those.

Maybe food?

Yeah.

Screaming night terrors four times a week, easily.

But yeah, that's...

Can you say this to women?

Like, yo, bro, just go jerk off.

Yeah.

I think she's just got to go jerk off.

You got to jerk off before you go to bed. Take the bullets out of the gun.
Yeah. But that might make her more horny.
I don't know. Yeah, women can orgasm forever.
The great mystery of the female clitoris is that you never know what's going to heat it up or cool it down. We're talking multiples now.
It's getting so bad that I'm starting to wonder if I have actual feelings for him. I think.
You do. Yeah.
100% you do. That's like dreaming of winning the lottery and being like, I'm starting to think I'd really enjoy winning the lottery.
I think you just, yeah, it sounds like you should just tell him, hey, we should fuck so I can figure out if I want to fuck you or not. Mm-hmm.
Yeah. Just to find out.
Well, he's got a girlfriend. Yeah, but just to find out.
Well, then you could daydream about it, too. Hey, maybe we should fuck to find out whether or not we should be fucking tell the girlfriend official that you need to do it right be like no tell the girlfriend be like do you want your boyfriend to keep cheating on you in in my sleep or we could just do it with your permission or you go or you could go like real passive-aggressive and tell your boyfriend hey uh what would you say if I got mad at you for dreaming about fucking one of your female friends?

And then see how he reacts.

Yes.

Yes.

That won't make him suspicious.

Speaking of night terrors.

Hey, Barstool guys, I recently got married and my husband has vicious night terrors.

He wakes up almost daily in the night screaming so loud, but has no idea in the next morning.

I'm afraid to go to sleep.

What do I do?

Hmm.

You jerk off before you go to bed?

Yeah.

I need to do a sleep study.

I want to do a sleep study on myself.

I sleep, walk, and talk.

What are you looking at, Billy?

Three cheat.

Three cheat.

Yeah, there you go.

Before you go to sleep.

Knock it out with the melatonin.

That's bad stuff.

Yeah, put them. Yeah.
Yeah, that's tough. Maybe go to sleep with a weapon.
Go to sleep with a gun in your hand. Loaded gun.
Here's what you do. Just for safety.
Right before bed, be like, hey, I want to get a little kinky with it. Put a blindfold on him and then handcuff him to the bed.
Every night. And then he's going to get real horny and then you're like, okay, good night.
Yeah. And then you can't do shit.
Guys are so dumb they won't realize you're doing that every night you can do it on repeat yeah he's oh tonight's the night that i'm gonna get my dick sucked while i'm blindfolded strapped up to the bed like i'm a prisoner in alcatraz yeah all right next sup lads what makes sex hardcore the penetration whoa choking slapping viewing the penetration so i don't know. What do you think, Hank? Billy, what do you think makes sex hardcore? What's hardcore sex in your mind? Parkour.
Parkour. Okay.
Word association. I think, yeah, it's...
Whenever, what's that guy's name? James Dean? That's hardcore. Johnny Sins.
Johnny Sins. Yeah, that's hardcore.
That's all I know. know that's hardcore sex my mind just went to figure out the difference between hardcore porn and softcore porn yeah no i think hardcore sex is if you're softcore doesn't show penetration yeah right the guy can if the guy can make it through the first charlie horse that's hardcore anything past the first charlie horse that's that's hardcore i would say longer than five minutes of continual penetration is hardcore.
That's crazy. Can you imagine? Couldn't be me.
It's a marathon. Sup, boys.
Two weeks ago, I went on vacation with my boyfriend's family, and while I was using the outdoor shower, the shower of the door blew open. I didn't notice at first because I was washing my hair, but when I finally opened my eyes, I caught my boyfriend's dad staring at me while I was in the shower.
I've seen this video. We fucked.
I quickly grabbed a towel, but he definitely saw me naked. We avoid each other for the rest of the trip, and I kept the incident to myself.
I haven't told my boyfriend, do you think I should? I feel like it might make things extremely awkward. Thanks.
Love the show. No! Why? Never! You know what? If it's an outdoor shower and he's a dad, he was probably just admiring the plumbing.
Dads love outdoor showers. Yeah, the plumbing that goes into it and like the craftsmanship of constructing a quality outdoor shower.
He's probably just like looking at the spigot. He's like seeing how the wood deals with the water.
Was that like a three-eighths washer on there? No, what you need to do is knowing that he's a dad and he loves outdoor showers, you got to just look at him in the outdoor shower and then be like, even, never speak about it again, then fuck. No, but yet do never speak of that again.
Ever. The last person you should mention it to is your boyfriend.
Yeah. If anything, mention it to your boyfriend's mom and be like, I saw your husband jerking it to me earlier and see what happens there.
But do not, do not talk about this to anyone, especially a podcast. Everyone's thinking like, I got a lake house.
My dad's kind of horny. He always stands right outside the outdoor shower.
By the way, outdoor showers, that is, you know, some people dream of additions that they make to their house Like I know you've talked about putting in a full basketball court Once you get insanely rich I just want an outdoor shower They are the absolute best If it's winter time, if it's snowing outside If it's hot outside, you can't beat an outdoor shower I don't think you can run the plumbing when it's cold Yeah, you leave it on a drip The only problem is I think that solves everything You wrap a blanket You wrap a. Yeah, you leave it on a drip.
The only problem is

you wrap a blanket in it.

You wrap a blanket and then you leave it on a drip

and then your plumbing never freezes.

The problem with outdoor showers,

I feel like everyone

who's ever had an outdoor shower, they always

cheap out on the soap in the outdoor

shower. It's never good soap.

You're like, well, it's outdoor.

It's like... My dad uses pert.
Or It's never good soap. You're like, well, it's outdoor.
It's a fucking... It's like...
Pert. Yeah.
My dad uses Pert. Yeah, or it's like dish soap.
Always. It's just a lie.
Just throw some dish soap out there. They're outdoors.
They don't care. It's like Dial, or it's the liquid stuff, Palmolive.
Or like the old Irish spring bars that last forever. If you're lucky.
It's been there since like 1984. Yeah, it's like the size of a tooth, and you're trying to get it underneath your armpit and scrub around.
You're right, you're right. They do cheap out.
But I would have like a luxurious outdoor shower that has, you know what? I might even fuck around and put like the hotel thing that has the dispenser that goes into the water flow. Oh, yeah.
I like that. Yeah, this is my dream.
Yeah, I don't ask for much. Do my hotel cocktail.
I want one of those with mouthwash, like at the gym. That would be nice.
Uh-huh, andwash every morning. And a beer too.
Go underneath it? No, no. They have the, you know, at the gym, sometimes they'll have the soap dispensers up at the sink where there's a little cup and you can get it yourself.
Oh, I thought you were saying a mouthwash or dispenser. Have I been drinking soap? Like, you know, like.
No, it's mouthwash. I'm pretty sure I've been drinking mouthwash.
Yeah. It's either mouthwash or the stuff that they put combs in at the barbershop.
Yeah, that stuff's delicious. What is that stuff? Barbersoft.
That always looks... No.
That shit is... That's like Chernobyl stuff.
I've never tasted it in my life, but I can guarantee you it's got more electrolytes than Gatorade. Uh-huh.
I was saying that guy's Mr. Peanut on the bottle, but it's just not.
No. Oh, the...
The green... Yeah, they also have the talcum powder.
Yes. Yeah, yeah.
That's a quick way to smell like a six-year-old white dude. All right.
This one's gross. Hello, Barstool.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year, and he has one weird thing. Don't do this.
Whenever we do the nasty, he makes me swallow his load. Oh, what? He tells me science has proved it will strengthen my immune system and increase our intimacy.
I want to believe him, but I also hate swallowing his little soldiers. It tastes like warm ranch.
Yeah, don't do that that This is becoming more and more Of a deal breaker for me I don't think I should Keep doing it and suck it up Literally Or If I should find a different guy Who will treat me and my throat With more respect and less sperm Yeah A guy that like demands That you swallow Make him swallow Yeah no just make out With him immediately afterwards Spit on him Yeah Yeah no that's fucked up You need to stand up for yourself. Also, don't buy any of that pseudoscience.
Billy, your job for Friday is find pseudoscience anti-that. Actually, I have some.
Okay, go. Give it to us.
So, there's like a study that says that by swallowing sperm, your autoimmune response, like the female's autoimmune response to killing the sperm actually gets lessened by more exposure, so it actually makes you more easily pregnant because the female body doesn't kill the sperm. Ah, okay.
I don't think that's true. So you can get pregnant from the mouth? No, no, no.
But when it's not in the mouth. Got it.
If you swallow it and you keep it down. What if it gets down in there? Yeah.
Can it seep through? What if you swallow it so hard that it goes straight to your pussy? This is actually a thing. What if you drink so much of it that you pee it out so fast that the sperm are still alive when you pee it out? No, no, no.
It's like you build up a tolerance for it so then when it's actually for the baby making, it doesn't die. How much do you have to drink? How many no no this is actually something I read it's like okay well it's like because then the immune system doesn't kill it when it's down there who did this study I read it Billy read it somewhere yeah Billy you managed to actually strengthen that bad argument by making a worse argument on the other side.
Yeah. I mean, it's pretty easy to debunk.
Or you can just do, I've read that if you drink a lot of pineapple juice, it tastes a lot better. So what you need to do is, before you blow him next time, you need to chug a shitload of dole.
Yeah. And then his sperm will taste great.
Yes. Hi, my boyfriend and I have been dating for five years, and he still won't let me touch his butt or anywhere relatively close to his butthole.
Is this a red flag or something I should just get over? No, he probably doesn't wipe correctly. Probably has no ass.
Yeah, he doesn't wipe people can be self-conscious about that. You need to get him some dude wipes.
Yeah. Clean that ass up.
I've heard that if you have no ass and someone goes to squeeze it and there's nothing there, it's really embarrassing. Oh, really?

I read that.

There was a study.

I read that as a study.

You're going to come up short.

The butt's always been...

My hand just goes through you?

It's always been a bridge too far.

No, yeah.

You're going to end up grabbing your own hand.

It slides off like you're using a claw machine and there's no stuffed animal there. It just scrapes the bottom.
Yes, correct. Last one? Sure, last one.
Hey, Big Cat, Tennessee Titans kicker, PFT, Annoying Hank, and animal lover, Billy. My boyfriend and I recently adopted a puppy.
Why are you shaking your head, Billy? I'm nodding. Super excited.
Animal fingerer. He doesn't love them.
He just has feelings of lust. You had the best sex last night With a toad No It's frogs dude Frogs sorry Dude My boyfriend and I Recently adopted a puppy Super exciting But my boyfriend Is starting to become a dog First it was cute When he was playing with him Barking back And lying on his back For belly scratches But now he's licking my face Like our dog And joke sniffs our puppy's butt.
This is getting to be too much.

Also, yesterday I found a shit in our yard that was about half the size of our puppy,

so I know the puppy didn't do it.

Should I be worried?

He's turning into a dog.

That's so cute.

Well, you need to treat him like a dog.

Yeah, your dog needs a friend.

Leash him up.

That's great.

The joke sniff in the butt.

Make him drink out of a bowl.

Yikes.

Oh, wait, last one.

Stop belly football.

I'm having trouble raising my chickens.

Got about eight of them.

Maybe you can give me tips on how to raise cocks. All right, tell us while we pick up ping pong ball.
Go ahead, Billy. 62.
What have you learned while growing, raising chickens? 20. 1.
18. 8.
28. 28.
28. 35.
1. Take care of your chickens.
Take care of your mittels. What did I say? If you crush up oyster shells and put them in your chicken coop, it's actually really good for the egg shells.

85.

85.

Hold that bitch.

What just fell out of the ceiling?

There's like something,

something white

just fell out of the ceiling.

Come.

Is somebody,

somebody's jerking it

on the third floor?

Maybe.

In the crawl space?

Do we have a leak?

All right,

we'll see everyone on Friday.

Love you guys.

God damn it, Pete.

Take on me Take on me Thank you. I'll be coming for your love again.
I'll be coming for your love again. I need what you say.
I'm all set in. But I'm feeling so let us wait.
Something learning in my life is okay. Stay with me.
I'm out. Thank you.
Dream on the air.

Dream on the air. Dream on the air.

Dream on the air.

Dream on the air.

Dream on the air.

Dream on the air.

Dream on the air.

Dream on the air.

Dream on the air.

Dream on the air.

Dream on the air.

Dream on the air.

Dream on the air on me. Take me out.
It's Pardon My Take presented by Barstool Sports.