Dan Patrick, Playoff Pee Pee And The Clippers Are Frauds Plus MNF

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Speaker 3 The road trip might be over, but dinner's just getting good.

Speaker 2 On today's part of my take, we have our friend Dan Patrick on the show. Great conversation with

Speaker 2 DP.

Speaker 2 He is now at the cock, the peacock, streaming service. Peacocking.
We talk everything: sports, hot takes, gambling. We're going to go up to Connecticut and play the Danettes three on three.

Speaker 2 Billy, you are in that game. Oh, sweet.
Yeah. So,

Speaker 2 which kind of our ace in the hole, considering the fact that we're all kind of old now. Have you ever, do you play basketball? Yeah, I play basketball.
Yeah, like a football player.

Speaker 2 That's what we said. No, I can shoot from the outside.
Oh, okay. All right.
Bonus. Yeah, better than playoff P.
We'll get to it in a second.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 we got hot seat, cool throne. We have guys on chicks.
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Speaker 2 Okay, let's go!

Speaker 2 No place to hang out, no washing,

Speaker 2 and then I can't pay all on the sun. Oh no, we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue.

Speaker 2 And then we'll take it higher.

Speaker 2 Oh, we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue. It's Pardon My Take presented by Bob Steel School.

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Today is Wednesday, September 16th.

Speaker 2 Hank has just made a mess of his desk. The board is

Speaker 2 completely ruined.

Speaker 6 Well, I tried to give Billy headphones headphones so he could hear himself so he could maybe talk into the microphone.

Speaker 2 Oh, no, no.

Speaker 2 In the process of taking that off,

Speaker 2 he knocked over a Red Bull. No, no, no.
You knocked it over before you got it. There's so many electronics where you knocked over the Red Bull.
It's insane. Was it sugar-free at least? Yep.

Speaker 2 There we go. Well, then it doesn't even get

Speaker 2 extra. All right, all right.
It's Wednesday. The Los Angeles Clippers are dead, defunct.
A clown show. Playoff PP is the worst ever.
What are you spraying? Jake is spraying the Red Bull before he's.

Speaker 2 Lysol. Jake is the perfect person to have around for these type of things.
He went into action.

Speaker 2 He got the stuff to clean up. He's trying to get back on Hank's good side, though, because of the result of

Speaker 2 Celtics Night. So Hank has been lashing out at Jake.
And fortunately for Jake, Billy just fucked up. So now Jake is thinking to himself, like, I got this made.
I didn't see Hank and I were fine.

Speaker 2 People forget that we have a heat fan in this room. Jake Cake is a huge heat fan.

Speaker 2 I don't think there's another podcast in the world that has a diehard heat fan on it so uh it's great that you're here pft's team too yeah pft my i like jimmy button i'm a jimmy butler guy too top top eighth player now in the nba i've moved i've leveled him up he is he is solidly in the top ten but yeah we respect for jimmy we respect jay button on this podcast and and jake was uh was very happy with the result we need to make a mare's bet on part of my take between jake and hank the celtics and the heat it's a good one i think it should be a cake related bet i think that the loser should have to bake a cake of the winner's choosing for the winner.

Speaker 2 And then they have to document the process, have to actually try, bring it into the office. That way we all, it's really just so that we can eat cake.

Speaker 6 Yeah, I was thinking like a live stream, someone has to eat the cake, like a full cake.

Speaker 2 I think you should bake a cake. Oh, you're baking a cake and then you have to pass a test until you make a good cake.

Speaker 6 No.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I think you have to try.
You have to

Speaker 2 follow the recipe.

Speaker 2 We can't fuck up the cake on purpose. We'll get a real chef.

Speaker 2 Donnie. We'll tweet it at Donnie.
We'll tweet it at Gordon Ramsey and have him rate it. Yeah.
Is it the season? It's rubbish, isn't it? Yeah. Speaking of cake.
Oh. What? Assing season.
Oh, okay. Okay.

Speaker 2 Thanks, Lisa. All right, and now to end that segment.

Speaker 2 You're right. The Clippers are frauds.
The Clippers are the biggest frauds

Speaker 2 of all time. He stinks.
He stinks. The fourth quarter, I don't think I've ever seen somebody be as bad at their job as, well, really, the entire Clippers offense was.
Wait, okay, all right. So

Speaker 2 I don't want to do what we usually do because obviously the story is, the big story is the fraudulent Clippers because all we told all we heard about was how great they were I bought into it I was like well how could you beat Kawhi Leonard and Paul and Paul George and and Patrick Beverly like this is gonna be insane Kawhi sucked too Kawhi was very bad six for 22 Paul George is four for 16 but let's at least give some credit to our nuggets we're a nuggets podcast they were incredible yeah they were they were awesome they essentially forced the Clippers to just quit and that fourth quarter like there's losing and then there's the way the Clippers lost, which was pathetic, disgusting,

Speaker 2 abhorrent. Like, I don't even know if we have

Speaker 2 word is appropriate in this. Frauds, frauds.
Yes, they quit. They look terrible.
They should feel terrible. They insulted my intelligence as a sports fan, believing in them.

Speaker 2 They made me sick to my stomach. I have diarrhea now, all because

Speaker 2 of you. Yeah, playoff poo-poo.

Speaker 2 Playoff L.

Speaker 2 Playoff P. It's crazy.
I don't know. This is going to be a hot take.

Speaker 2 Oh, my computer's making a noise, but I'm gonna say it anyway.

Speaker 2 Wait, wait. Ask me for permission to go there.
Can I go there? Can I have permission to go there? Granted. I actually don't know how you bring playoff P back next year.
I like that. Like,

Speaker 2 I don't know how you have what we just watched and be like, let's bring back the same core and hope that it's kind of the James Harden thing, where it's like, how many times you guys see it in the playoffs before you're like, all right, this guy just, he's.

Speaker 2 You know what I'm doing? Playoff P, you're not a second banana, dude.

Speaker 2 You're a third piece. You're a third piece at best.
I think that in this case, it was a little bit different because Jokic is like such a big physical dude that he was just biting him.

Speaker 2 That's just demoralized. Anytime somebody can just back you down and you can't do shit about it, because I think he outweighs him by what, 30, 40 pounds? Yeah.
I don't know what Jokic is.

Speaker 2 His weight fluctuates like yours. He can be like 260 on any given day or 220.
It's basically how much sodium did you have past midnight?

Speaker 2 Just doing the eyeball test on him, who, by the way, he does look like the Serbian Bosa brother.

Speaker 6 I can't get that out of my head.

Speaker 2 Yes, he does. He was just backing him down.
And eyeball test, I think he outweighs him by like 35 pounds, so it's tough.

Speaker 2 And when you keep getting back down like that and just dominate on the glass, then that affects you at the other end where you're like, shit, I must be, I'm not very athletic, am I?

Speaker 2 He had 16, 22, and 13. And the 13 is what I noticed.

Speaker 2 He's always making a great pass because they're running pick and roll up top, and then he just makes a great pass for one of his teammates to get a wide open shot.

Speaker 2 I'm not going to sit here and say that they're going to be a pushover. Oh, I will.

Speaker 2 I'll say it right now. Laker Dan's not going to say it.
Come on, Laker Dan. I think the Nugs, I mean, I became a Nugs guy.
Davis. He disrespected them.
It's going to be a sweep.

Speaker 2 No, no, no. It's a gentleman sweep.
I'm calling it

Speaker 2 four games to one. They're going to gentleman sweep their way.
I think probably through the entire playoff. Don't get me wrong.
I think the Lakers, I think they're going to win the series.

Speaker 2 I just don't. I'm not going to say

Speaker 2 it's going to be a sweep or five games. Anthony Davis.
Anthony Davis. There might be a moment.
Shuts him down. Dude, how did it...

Speaker 2 Not shuts him down, but I think

Speaker 2 we're up 3-1 in this series. I think Davis might outweigh Jokic, or at least they're close.
So I think that Davis can D him up. No, I mean, of course he can.

Speaker 2 Anthony Davis is a great defender, but this is not... I don't know.
We'll see. It's going to be...
I think it's going to be more fun. Everyone's just writing him off.
But the Clippers suck.

Speaker 2 The Clippers suck. Fuck the Clippers.
Yeah, I'm with you. Everyone hates the Clippers.
I'm with you. We're all out on the Clippers.
Are there even Clippers fans? I want to hear. Frankie Munez.

Speaker 2 Malcolm in the middle, the kid from, yeah, he's like the guy that has

Speaker 2 Billy Crystal. Billy Crystal and Frankie Munez.

Speaker 2 Penny Marshall, R.I.P. That tells you everything that you need to know.
But Jokic,

Speaker 2 I do like watching him playing in her grave. Except for the fact that I think he leads the league in leaving his jersey untucked.
That's fine. Clean that up.
I like Jokic.

Speaker 2 He's going in for his first job interview.

Speaker 7 AD 253.

Speaker 2 Ooh.

Speaker 2 Major weight advantage. Okay, but Jokic Jokic lost all that weight.
We're talking about him like they're boxers.

Speaker 2 Ooh.

Speaker 2 What about Reach? I need to know how to accurately mispronounce his name. It's Jokic.
Yeah. So it's

Speaker 2 Joker. Yes.
Nikola Jokic. There you go.
That was good. Why?

Speaker 2 All right. Other game.
Hank.

Speaker 2 Bam. You got bammed.
You got bammed. You got Imral Lagazi bammed.
That was an incredible, incredible block. I feel like

Speaker 2 because we went right to game seven, there wasn't enough credit to that block.

Speaker 6 I feel like a game seven, though, like something that happened in game seven, like game one.

Speaker 2 We led with game seven. Game one, Game Smond.
The Heat and the Celtics are going to... Every single game is going to be like this, I think.

Speaker 2 These two teams are so evenly matched, but that block was incredible. You have to admit, that block was incredible.

Speaker 6 It was absolutely crazy. I mean, it's like the Mitch Trubisky screenshots where it's like there's so many screenshots that

Speaker 2 was a masterpiece. No, I'm using it as an example.

Speaker 6 Like, there are screenshots of of Jason Dayton. It looks like there's no way that he doesn't do that.

Speaker 2 It was his left hand, too. Yeah, there's no way.
It wasn't even his dominant hand that blocked it.

Speaker 2 Now, what we have to do with a moment like that is figure out if it was the best block of all time in NBA history.

Speaker 6 Definitely better than the Chased Downs by LeBron.

Speaker 6 Those are just LeBron being lazy and waiting for his moment. This is actually an impressive block.

Speaker 2 It's more the Celtics were up 14 in the fourth quarter.

Speaker 6 And they just had some of the worst possessions. They had three possessions with a minute left in regulation where they just had isolation step back three.

Speaker 2 These James Harden possessions. And then it was bad.

Speaker 6 Listen, I love that. They should have won that game easily.
It shouldn't have been in overtime.

Speaker 2 I love the heat culture. Jay Crowder, I mean, what a role player that guy is.
How would you ever let that guy go from your team? That's a guy that you want to.

Speaker 2 I just can't speak because everyone's just tweeting me, like, how do you, why the Bulls trade Jimmy Butler? I don't know.

Speaker 2 God damn it.

Speaker 2 Great basketball. Great basketball.
I'm actually more excited for this Eastern Conference finals than I think I am for the entire NBA finals.

Speaker 2 If it's Lakers-Celtics, I think the Lakers win 4-1. If it's the Lakers-Heat, I think they win 4-2.
This series is my personal finals because

Speaker 2 it's going to be fun to watch. Like you said, they're so even.
They're very, very even, yes. And neither team ever has

Speaker 2 any second where they look like they're taking a moment off. Yes, yes.

Speaker 2 By the way, so, Hank, how are you feeling?

Speaker 2 Overall, you're like, oh, we're good?

Speaker 6 No, I mean, I feel like we should have won that game easily.

Speaker 6 We're going to fight back and win, like, three out of the next four

Speaker 6 for me to feel good. I don't feel good.

Speaker 2 Then

Speaker 2 you would

Speaker 2 still not have won the series. But I'd feel good.
If you won three in a row. But you'd feel better.

Speaker 6 I would feel good.

Speaker 6 I will not feel good until that's the case. I got a question.

Speaker 2 What's up with Kemble Walker's shot?

Speaker 2 It ain't good.

Speaker 6 No, I mean, he was good in the crunch. Like, he was kind of...

Speaker 6 He stepped up when he needed to step up.

Speaker 2 And Jason Tatum's a stud, but, like, what's up with Kimble Walkers? Oh, I loved all. So who was announcing the game today, Jake? Calling Marcus Smart 3 Smart Bombs? Jones and Doris Burton.

Speaker 2 Smart bombs? Yes, he called it a smart bomb. I love it.

Speaker 7 Yeah, it's a good description for you.

Speaker 2 How many children did that kill with that smart bomb? Jesus. That landed on a Yamini wedding.
Smart bombs.

Speaker 2 All right. That's basketball.
We had Monday Night Football.

Speaker 2 Big Ben is officially back. Yeah, he looks good.
And not only is he back in terms of finding his rhythm as a passer, but he's back. I think he designed that sleeve that he wore.

Speaker 2 The like custom-made one. I feel like Big Ben has an entire line of pharmaceutical devices that he just invents in his garage in his spare time.
I've never seen anything like that, but

Speaker 2 he looked like Big Ben of old, milking a couple times. He got knocked down.
He probably sits in his doctor's office and takes the meetings when

Speaker 2 the pretty little blonde. comes in and shows like all the new pharmaceutical things.

Speaker 2 He's like, hey, Doc, can I sit in your chair for the afternoon?

Speaker 2 Well, every athlete retires and they become pharmaceutical device salesman big ben is going to become a purchaser he's going to like work for giant hospitals just has an entire we need marie kondo to go over to his garage she opens up the door and it's just full of like walking boots with different sleeves what brings you joy ben to all of it all of it does i can't get rid of a single one of it everything but yeah he was uh it was a masterclass in ben he was limping like two plays in he had some great drives he looked good he even had a moment where uh his offensive lineman got hurt, which I think he's out for the year.

Speaker 2 And we were giggling about the clip. We didn't want to retweet it because the offensive lineman actually did get hurt.

Speaker 2 But Ben went down and fell and basically acted like he was more hurt than the offensive lineman, who had just torn his ACL. Yeah, well, he saw the other guy was hurt.

Speaker 2 And Big Ben has sympathy pains for anyone who's ever had an injury. Islanders, okay, okay.

Speaker 2 It continues. What is it? 3-2 now?

Speaker 2 Team of Destiny. Yep.
Barry Trots. Yep.
That was a huge one for the Islanders. And then the late game, Vic Fangio is a turkey.
Yeah. He is a straight-up turkey.

Speaker 2 That's the only word I can use to describe him because the clock management at the end was almost as big a story as future Hall of Famer Koskowski missing those, what, four kicks?

Speaker 2 But the clock management was just his philosophy was, I think he's going to miss another kick, and so I don't need any time on the clock for when he does that. Yes.

Speaker 2 Which still makes no sense because if he had missed that kick,

Speaker 2 even if there was like 55 seconds a minute left, it doesn't matter.

Speaker 2 It literally makes no difference. You can still run the clock out if you get it.
It was, I think this happens every year, though, with the second Monday night game.

Speaker 2 It just devolves into absolute crap.

Speaker 2 There was a moment at one in the morning where I was after Gostowski missed his third kick. Like, what am I watching right now? Like, Jerry Judy's dropping balls.
Gostowski's missing kicks.

Speaker 2 Melvin Gordon actually looked good, but like,

Speaker 2 I just said to myself, why am I still up? Because football is football, obviously. You know why we were all up watching it?

Speaker 2 It's because we just went through like six months where we would have killed a drifter to be able to watch a meaningless Monday Night Football game.

Speaker 2 But you know, you have those moments of clarity where

Speaker 2 you like almost have a 360 view of your life. And you're like, what are you doing? Yeah, I had that moment.
I was like, this kicks ass. Football's on TV.

Speaker 2 So that game was, yeah, it was something. Mike Trable,

Speaker 2 credit to him for bringing Guskowski out there for the last kick. It reminded me of the ending of Tin Cup.
I know that the young guys haven't seen Tin Cup yet. You haven't seen Tin Cup? No, no, no.

Speaker 2 No, no, they haven't. They definitely have.
I'm agreeing with you.

Speaker 2 But when Kevin Costner kept hitting his three wood into the water over and over and over until he got it right, that's what Vrabel was doing with his kickers.

Speaker 2 He's like, we're going to keep going out there. We're going to keep trying to kick.
I don't care how many you miss. I'm going to keep kicking.

Speaker 2 He would have kept Guskowski on the field until like 6 o'clock in the morning, just after the game was over, until he hit one. Yes, it's true.
It's true. It was thrilling.

Speaker 2 It was thrilling to watch him get out there and try to make it.

Speaker 2 All right, so what else do we have? Anything else? Any other cleanup?

Speaker 2 Well, I put this on Twitter because a lot of people were asking me about it last night, but I am still opting out of the NFL season. So stop asking.
But stop asking, but if Taylor and if

Speaker 2 Mike hit me up, if Rabes hit me up.

Speaker 6 They didn't already.

Speaker 2 And if, well, I talked to Rabes a little bit, but if Will Compton hit me up, there are colleagues, right?

Speaker 6 Shout out to Will Compton, by the way. Huge task.
He's actually the one that was the reason Kostowski hit it.

Speaker 2 And he also had to. Give him a hug.

Speaker 2 Hugs not. And he also had to play basically the whole game after Evans threw a punch in the first quarter.
Yeah. So big blow-up for Will Compton.

Speaker 2 But if our colleagues need my help, I'm not going to leave my colleagues behind. Yeah.
By the way, one last thing about Monday Night Football.

Speaker 2 How shitty was it of ESPN to

Speaker 2 put an unbelievable booth with Herbie and Fowler in game one and then be like, here's our new booth in game two. Hope you stay up for it.
Yeah, Herbie and Fowler.

Speaker 2 I mean, that's Sergio Dip. No, no, no, but they usually, the second game is usually the weird booth.
The second game is usually like Mike and Mike do it.

Speaker 7 Limited travel. Maria Taylor was already in New York for now.

Speaker 2 Still fucked him. Did you not agree, though, that it fucked him? They basically gave an incredible booth that everyone loves, universally loved.
Herbie and Fowler are consummate pros, great chemistry.

Speaker 2 And then not even saying that Greasy, Riddick, and Levy did a bad job, but to go to them, it's a tough act to follow. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Herbie and Fowler, the big knock was like, I don't know if they're going to be able to transition to the NFL.

Speaker 2 News Flash, like, they know every single player on the field already because they called them when they were in college. And also, the chemistry is the most important part.

Speaker 2 They could narrate Hank taking his shit, and I would watch it on TV. I know this is crazy, but like, why can't they do both? Is that too crazy? Remotely? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 2 They do the Saturday night game. They have

Speaker 2 the best private plane ever that basically

Speaker 2 should have a crew literally carry their bodies so they can

Speaker 2 hop on the plane. Like in Spider-Man, carefully, he's a hero.
Yeah, they give them Nyquil, then they land in the Monday Night Football City.

Speaker 2 They carry their bodies, lay them into bed, and then they wake up in that city, and then they have all Sunday to recover, and then they do Monday Night Blue.

Speaker 2 Put them in like a freeze chamber during the week. Why not?

Speaker 7 Football prep is by far the hardest.

Speaker 2 Darren, you got it. Jake, you already brought up Tap.
Flag on the plane. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Too much inside.

Speaker 2 Too much inside. But you're right, Biggie.

Speaker 2 Don't poo-poo this. I like how our brains automatically go back to the Mike and Mike game, which I think was 16 years ago.
But it was so great because it was Mike and Mike, and then another Mike.

Speaker 2 They added Mike Dip game together with it. It was three mics.

Speaker 2 That was incredible. It's also the Sergio Dip game.
Never forget September 11th, 2017. The pun is blocked.
Yes, it's the Berman block game. It's always a little bit more.

Speaker 6 Rex Ryan was one I remember.

Speaker 2 It was terrible. It's always crazy.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 so we all remember this, and then they just unveiled their new Monday Night Football crew after a great game with the A squad. I think they'll be fine once they get into a rhythm, but

Speaker 2 following that

Speaker 2 the college game day crew is tough. It's impossible.
They're the best. They're the best.
And then your Big Ten is back. Oh, wait, I'll have it on my cool throne.
Okay. Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 2 Actually, let's talk about it right now. I think it is.
I think it's... Well, we need to separate the rumors from the facts because there were a lot of rumors out there, not a lot of facts.

Speaker 2 So to clean it up, rumor, the Nebraska president was caught on a hot mic saying that the season was coming back.

Speaker 2 Rumor,

Speaker 2 fact, Sur Yacht is reporting that it's coming back. So,

Speaker 2 well, actually, first reported by Jeff Denew. Okay.

Speaker 2 No, not actually. He just said he wanted everyone to credit him after Nebraska was in a hot mic.
So I think what happened, and in Suryat, I trust.

Speaker 2 He's the only one who's given me hope, even though I'm pretty sure he's made up a lot of the things, but that's okay.

Speaker 2 I think Ser Yatta was started as a parody account just to try to get Big Cat interested in the fact that the Big Ten is retreating him too much. All right, so I think the Nebraska president,

Speaker 2 what has happened is I do think the Big Ten is going to be back. I think they're going to announce it tomorrow.

Speaker 2 There's a mini power play inside the power play that Nebraska feels like they are the team that spearheaded this. Remember, Scott Frost said, we're going to leave the Big Ten.

Speaker 2 We're going to play our own season. So they feel like they are responsible for the Big Ten coming coming back.

Speaker 2 So essentially, the quote-unquote hot mic, that guy knew it was a hot mic, said it to basically get the credit that Nebraska deserves, which I will absolutely say they deserve it.

Speaker 2 And now the Big Ten in a power play is being like, well, fuck you. We're not going to announce it tonight.
Well, Kevin Warren.

Speaker 2 We don't want you to make you look like you got it today because he said they were going to announce that the Big Ten is back tonight.

Speaker 2 So now they're like, all right, we'll announce it tomorrow just to make you look back. Yeah, you were wrong with your report.

Speaker 2 And also, Kevin Warren wants to save a little bit of grace in this because he's basically been the Roger Goodell of the Big Ten where he says what everybody else tells him to say and then he gets shit on for everything that happens.

Speaker 2 So he's trying to save some face. It's not going to work.
Everyone's still going to, like, it's going to make him look even worse now because it's like, oh, you flip-flopped on it.

Speaker 2 And then the Pac-12, I don't think anybody really cares that strongly. Like, there's, there's, oh, no, we got to get to work on the Pac-12.
We do. We got to send Suryan out to fucking

Speaker 2 California. There hasn't been a Nebraska of the Pac-12 yet.

Speaker 2 I'm pretty sure Oregon State has been trying to be the Nebraska, just nobody has paid attention to him.

Speaker 2 Keyan Slovis did write a letter to Gavin Newsom, so that's at least getting things moving for the state of California. Okay.
Hopefully. I do think.
The state's literally on fire. Yeah.
Well,

Speaker 2 maybe he'll forget about it. They play the Ace game in the middle of a fire.
Right.

Speaker 2 We just need to send Suryat.

Speaker 2 Suryat.

Speaker 2 What even is his name? Well, Suryat, his name is probably like Troy. Suryat is the least Big Ten name of all time.

Speaker 2 That should be a Pac-12 guy. Yeah.
He should go up to Washington. He should be Sir Pontoon if he's a Big Ten guy.
Yes.

Speaker 2 So, yeah, I do think the Big Ten is back. That's all I want.
It seems like it's going to be October 17th, eight-game season. That's fine.

Speaker 2 And I have, if I really want to get ahead of myself, and now we're sitting here, and it has not been official, but I did have a side conversation with some of my friends, from my college friends, and the conversation did end up being, if there's an eight-game schedule and we don't have Ohio State on the schedule, this might be the best chance that Wisconsin ever has to go to the college football playoff.

Speaker 2 That's a fact. That's how far back at night.
That is a fact. Eight games.
Anything can happen in eight games. Eight games.

Speaker 2 I mean, if we just play our division and then the crossover isn't like super hard, just got to win one in Indy. December 19th.
That's it.

Speaker 2 She's got to win one in Indy. She's got to win.
It's got to just be legends for

Speaker 2 60 minutes and then go to the college football playoff and get the shit kicked out of us by Clemson. I don't know what's going to happen.

Speaker 2 I'm just so excited that football is actually going to be a main part of our lives for the next four to five months. It feels great.
It feels great. I was worried, Big Cat.

Speaker 2 I was worried as recently as mid-August that football wasn't going to work. Guess what? Football always plays.
Football works. It's just going to knock on woods.
Yeah, we're still a little worried.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 There's still a little worry.

Speaker 6 Quick this league update. Clippers guard Lou Williams after the game said we had.

Speaker 2 Fuck playoff P.

Speaker 6 pretty much. We had championship expectations.

Speaker 2 We had the talent to do it.

Speaker 6 We didn't have the chemistry to do it.

Speaker 2 See a P.

Speaker 2 Hey, P. Should have had a team dinner up at Magic City.

Speaker 6 Maybe you shouldn't have signed a player who, you know, used to bang the coach's daughter.

Speaker 2 Oh,

Speaker 2 good point. How long do you think till P's

Speaker 2 getting teabagged by his dog? Happening right now. I forgot about that.
It's all I think about.

Speaker 2 Coming up short in the playoffs and accidentally taking a picture with his Pitbulls balls resting directly on his arm.

Speaker 2 That's the playoff Pete. That's my playoff P.

Speaker 2 Some of the guys brought their families in. Paul George just brought his dog into the bubble, just dragging his huge nuts behind him.
It's leaving a little trail. He's got playoff P in his house.

Speaker 2 You know, those like the kinky swingers?

Speaker 2 They have the actual swing, the fuck swing.

Speaker 2 He's got like a holder for his dog to elevate so his dog's balls can just rest on him at all times.

Speaker 2 Playoff P. You're such a clown, dude.
I can't believe that.

Speaker 2 I almost feel bad.

Speaker 2 I almost feel bad. You know what? We're close to feeling bad.
This could be a blessing in disguise.

Speaker 2 If he takes this really hard, he spends the next like five months doing nothing but just eating comfort food, mashed potatoes, and meatloaf all the time, and he puts on 60 pounds.

Speaker 2 Fat playoff P, I'm totally on board with. I actually, I wonder, can you...

Speaker 2 like give back your contract because if i were playoff pe i'm not even joking and i don't know how much money has playoff P made. By the way, I hope we never ever call him by his real name again.

Speaker 2 We just keep saying playoff P for everything. So, playoff P is has to have made

Speaker 2 he's all right. He's his contract right now is $139 million.

Speaker 2 Okay, so how much money has he made, though, in his career? Because what I would do, and I'm not joking, I would give my money back. Do you have it?

Speaker 7 217,812,725.

Speaker 2 He's made.

Speaker 2 Correct. Or he's going to make.

Speaker 7 That is since 2010 with the Pacers.

Speaker 2 Okay, so he has over $200 million.

Speaker 7 Including throughout this contract.

Speaker 2 Okay, wait, so that does count what he still has left. What has he made, though? Give me the number that he's made.
What does he have in the bank?

Speaker 7 Earnings in 10 seasons is $144 million,800.

Speaker 2 Oh, perfect. $144.40.
If I were him, I would be like, rip up my contract, throw it away. I don't want any of that money.

Speaker 2 And then go sign like a $2 million a year contract with the Lakers and be the fourth banana behind Anthony Davis, LeBron, and Caruso.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I mean, why not? And no one will care. Why not? No one will think about you.
All you have to do is just make one decent-sized shot in the playoffs on that team. Yes.
And then you're Mr. Klutz.

Speaker 2 Then you're the new Robert Ore. Or go to the Warriors.
Yeah. Imagine if he goes to the Warriors.
Oh, my God. That actually would probably ruin the Warriors.
He takes the David West deal. Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 Yeah. He should start ring chasing now, even though he's like 30 years old.
Just like, all right, I'm done. I'm done trying to be playoff P.
Oh, man. I do actually kind of feel bad for him.

Speaker 2 I'll say something nice about playoff P. I actually like his shoes.
Yeah. I like his shoes.
I wear them sometimes. They could be a lot.

Speaker 2 That's really the only thing that separates him from James Harden right now. Yeah.
He has better shoes. Yes.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's the unfortunate part. Playoff P really should get, he should have gone to his press conference in a Harden jersey.
Yeah. Yeah.
I'm like, remember this? Yeah, this guy stinks worse.

Speaker 2 This guy's a bigger display. This guy's a bum.
I've just been a recent bum.

Speaker 2 All right. Let's do hot seat cool throne.

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Speaker 2 Hank.

Speaker 6 My hot seat is love.

Speaker 2 Oh, no.

Speaker 6 Cardi B and her wet-ass P are divorcing offset.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. Oh, no.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Single. That is

Speaker 2 some news, Hank. That's some good news.

Speaker 6 You sound really sad, PSD.

Speaker 2 I mean, I'm sad that Love is on the hot seat, but Rebounds on the Cool Throne, it sounds like. Indeed.
Cardi B, hit me up.

Speaker 6 My other hot seat is Carol Baskin. Ah, damn it.

Speaker 6 Sorry, Billy. She was on Dancing with the Stars.
She was a horrific dancer.

Speaker 2 We're really playing fast and loose with the word stars on this one, aren't we?

Speaker 6 Yeah, it was something. She was an absolutely terrible dancer, and then her dead husband's family took out an ad that ran right.

Speaker 6 So it was like her dance, commercial break, her dead husband's family being like, Carol Baskin murdered our son.

Speaker 2 Fuck yes.

Speaker 6 So that was probably a bit, I'm sure ABC and Dancing with the Stars were not happy. That's kind of how optically it played out.
And that's all anyone was talking about was like the advertisement.

Speaker 2 Well, they took the money for it, right?

Speaker 6 I guess so, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I think ABC played this. They played both sides like a fiddle.
Yes. Absolutely.
Good for them. Absolutely.
I love it when corporations. They middled that for sure.
Good job, Disney.

Speaker 2 Carol Baskin's just, she gives off. I will murder you vibes.
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
She does. Like, Like, she gives off, we'll be fine.
And then

Speaker 2 one morning I'll make you some pancakes and they'll be

Speaker 2 the cyanide in it.

Speaker 6 Like the guy, Robert Durst. Like, it's like, I killed someone and I'm just kind of still going through life, but like, I'm not really denying it.
Like, I'm just like,

Speaker 6 I'm a killer.

Speaker 2 The thing that I can't understand.

Speaker 6 I'm a killer, and I got away with it.

Speaker 2 I can't wrap my head around whether she's a genius for doing this, like, hiding in plain sight, or this is all going to blow up in her face. Because

Speaker 2 if she killed them, which

Speaker 2 I would lean yes, allegedly, allegedly. Now you can say whatever whatever you want.
Allegedly. Murder.

Speaker 2 Doing Dancing with the Stars has to be the worst move. Yeah.
It makes a cold case hot as hell. I think you're underestimating the rush you must get if you get away with murder.
Right.

Speaker 2 I have to imagine that if you do that, like you kill somebody and for 20 years or however long it's been, you don't get caught, you probably feel like you can do whatever the fuck you want for the rest of your life.

Speaker 2 Yes. No, that's a good point.
That's a good point.

Speaker 9 Okay, but she creeps you out.

Speaker 6 Yes. Big time.
Then my cool throne is us, you guys, AWLs, PMT Twitch. We finally are set up in the studio.
We're going to start getting back on a more consistent schedule. Check that out.

Speaker 6 Part of my Take Twitch.

Speaker 2 I'm getting good at golf. PFT is playing PGA.
Watch out.

Speaker 6 Shout out to NZXT for the PC hookup. I don't know why we didn't set this up in our studio like a year ago, but we're Gucci now.

Speaker 2 Blake Kepka is tearing it up. Get it.
That goes nicely into. Well, that's my cool throne, so I'll save that for later.
But my hot seat is Insomnia because Pepsi is making sleepy cola. Do you see that?

Speaker 2 They're making a cola for bedtime. So it's got lavender in there.
I'm in it. Yeah, no more night terrors for Big Cat if you're drinking nighttime Pepsi.
Yep.

Speaker 2 I don't know. I feel like if you drink something really cold at bedtime,

Speaker 2 it's too refreshing. It would keep you awake.
Yeah. You got to warm it up.
Is yeah, like a bottle? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, put it in a baby bottle. I like

Speaker 2 it. It's just a nipple at the top of it.
Can I speak freely for a second? There's,

Speaker 2 so I moved a couple months ago, and I have a dick microwave.

Speaker 2 How have you hung on to that for this long? I kind of didn't really connect it because it's a little bit below the dick.

Speaker 2 But you're taller than Skip Bayless. Right, but

Speaker 2 it's more like kneecap. It's a belly.

Speaker 2 It's down.

Speaker 2 My apartment is not... I noticed it right away.
The one good benefit of having everything built lower is that it's great for pissing in the sink because it's like a trough for me.

Speaker 2 I mean, having a microwave at that level is also great if you have a toddler that's walking around that's learning to press buttons. No, you're right.

Speaker 2 So the problem is I put his bottle in, the microwave, to warm up his milk, and he fucking puts his head like right next to the microwave every time.

Speaker 2 And I'm pretty sure either I'm going to have a genius or his brain's going to be fried. He's going to

Speaker 6 be saying that

Speaker 6 like how much money you would put a baby in the microwave for?

Speaker 2 Yeah, oh, yeah. What was your answer?

Speaker 2 I think it was $30,000. Yeah, just to put it in.
Like two seconds. Oh, wait, and actually turn it on.
This now was... This was like a bad thing.
That's a different story. This was $10,000.

Speaker 2 I'll do it for free. I had significantly less money then, so yeah, I would have.

Speaker 2 I now would not. I now would not.
Although

Speaker 2 he's a toddler now, so he wouldn't fit in the microwave anymore. But when he was a baby,

Speaker 2 he would have fit.

Speaker 2 I mean, I just can't believe that you haven't made content out of the dick microwave yet. Yeah,

Speaker 2 we got to get you a Mitchell Trubisky jersey that you can put in there. I know.
It didn't dawn on me because it's small, it's shorter than my dick.

Speaker 2 Like, if it was truly dick level, I would have been right away like, hey, guys, check this out. It's a little too far down.
But yeah, I did hit it. It's a really bad point.

Speaker 2 It's a bad level for a microwave. Yeah, it is.
No, it sucks.

Speaker 2 What are you ever going to put in there?

Speaker 2 Baby's bottles. And maybe my baby.
But I think if I keep losing. I would just look down at it.
Even if I had, like, I think a popcorn in my hands, I would look down and be like, no, that's too far.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I can't be bothered to do that. Yeah.
Well, it's my old apartment, I had to,

Speaker 2 there was no, there was not enough counter space for a microwave, so we had to put it in, like, underneath, and then pull it out every time. So this is an upgrade.
Okay.

Speaker 2 That really will make you not eat popcorn. Yes.
To have to lift up a microwave and like plug it in. Yes.
Yeah. Yeah.
To plug in. My throne is the course.
The course is back. The U.S.

Speaker 2 Open is about to be played at Wingfoot this week. Yep.
And there's some videos coming out of caddies just throwing balls onto greens and watching them roll off.

Speaker 2 There was one that was on there for 40 seconds. It rolled for 40 seconds off the green.
So after getting emasculated the last couple years, the USGA has decided it's time to take back the open.

Speaker 2 I love it. And

Speaker 2 the Wingfoot, it looks like it has gone fully rogue right now. It's going to be incredible.
So that's actually a perfect segue. I'll do my Cool Throne first.

Speaker 2 I have golf fans on my Cool Throne because not only do we have the course, but we have Patrick Reed and Jordan Speeth teamed up.

Speaker 2 They're in a threesome on Thursday and Friday. Who's the girl?

Speaker 2 Those guys hate each other. Remember that? 2018? They had the big blow-up at the Ryder Cup.

Speaker 2 Well, I don't think you could put Patrick Reed in a pairing with somebody who'll be like, yeah, hell yeah, I get to golf with Patrick. Right.

Speaker 2 But remember, this was Speeth and Reed were awesome in the Ryder Cup. And then in 2018, Speeth was like, nah, I don't want to play with that guy anymore.
And then it was a disaster. The U.S.

Speaker 2 got smoked. And Patrick Reed and his wife went on a tour being like, Jordan Speech's an asshole.

Speaker 2 So they get to play together. That will be awkward.
Yeah. Keep your wallet in your front pocket, Jordan.
Watch your wallet.

Speaker 2 And then my hot seat is Adam Gace is officially on the hot seat because PFT, your man, ranted on him. Mike Greenberg said Adam Gace is unqualified to coach youth football.
Oh, man.

Speaker 2 You know a good greenie rant because a good greenie rant is enough anger and then nothing memorable about it whatsoever.

Speaker 2 Yeah, well, well the funny thing is like Mike Greenberg is the most unqualified person to say who's qualified to coach youth football.

Speaker 2 Mike Greenberg, he had like a permission slip from his parents to not come anywhere close to a football field until he turned 18.

Speaker 2 I just love Greenie rants because they're so scripted and they're like careful. What? Just careful.

Speaker 2 Greenie speaks from the heart.

Speaker 2 When you think about like content creators out there, you can think of something memorable they said or like some opinion they had where like, oh, they really put their, you know, nuts on the line for that.

Speaker 2 Greenie has zero. Well, yeah,

Speaker 2 Greene's waited until, what, week two of the Adam Gase, or is this week, is this year three? Year three. Year three, week two of the Adam Gase experience to say that he thinks he's not a good coach.

Speaker 2 Greeny,

Speaker 2 as Adam Gace is being escorted out, he's like, I've had enough of Adam Gase.

Speaker 2 But yeah, Greeny's still waiting to formulate his first opinion on like 808s and heartbreaks.

Speaker 2 He's a guy that will nest on it like it's an egg that he's keeping warm. He'll wait for a long time.
All right, Billy, finish this up and then we'll get to Dan Patrick.

Speaker 9 So I had two hot seats. One was Big Ben's Walking Boot, one was Carol Baskins.

Speaker 2 All right, my news. Thanks, Billy.
All right. Oh, go ahead.

Speaker 9 My new one is

Speaker 9 CJ McCollum roasted the Clippers and tweeted.

Speaker 2 So who's your hot seat?

Speaker 2 The Clippers. All right, nice.

Speaker 2 You got this.

Speaker 2 Jake's got a better one.

Speaker 10 Jake's got a better one. Oh, Jake's got a better one.

Speaker 7 Hot seat is tropical vacations because the 18s are full.

Speaker 2 has nothing to do with you. I know you're like, well, you're not happy with me right now.

Speaker 2 Why are you not? Oh, because

Speaker 2 Hank's very snappy.

Speaker 7 So the eight teams that are supposed to play in the battle for Atlantis, they're moving it from the Bahamas to the Sanford Pentagon in South Dakota.

Speaker 2 That's some difference of location. Sanford Pentagon? Including Duke.
Whoa. That's...

Speaker 2 That sucks. Watch out for Attorneys General up there.
Yeah, you might get cut by a car.

Speaker 7 Bahamas, South Dakota, same thing.

Speaker 6 Yeah,

Speaker 6 Bahamas, Mount Rushmore.

Speaker 2 By the way, Billy, you have an easy hot seat.

Speaker 2 Well, actually, Cool Throne. Cool Throne, your haters.
Why? Because you're going to be focused on school on Sundays, so you won't be here on Sundays. So the haters, Cool Throne.
Bye, everybody.

Speaker 2 But hot seat,

Speaker 2 the play school. The Billy Stands, which there are Billy Stans,

Speaker 2 you will not hear Billy on Sundays. This is really confusing.

Speaker 9 Let me just read this CJ McCallum. Okay, all right, do it.

Speaker 9 My last tweet before I finished this class, they did vote they ain't want to play no more, but I didn't think they was going to go out like that on the Clippers.

Speaker 2 Good for CJ. Oh, that's good.

Speaker 2 And it's funny because people are saying that CJ should not be talking that shit about the Clippers because obviously the Blazers are no longer in the playoffs, but I can't recall the Blazers ever looking as pathetic as the Clippers look tonight.

Speaker 2 Well, and CJ's having Dame Lillage back after Dame Lillard, remember, had that big fight with all the Clippers when he missed those free throws, and they were talking about them going to Cancun and and Paul George and everything.

Speaker 2 So I think this is fair play.

Speaker 9 And I wanted to put Aaron Rodgers on the cool throne because everyone gives him a lot of shit, but he went off past weekend.

Speaker 2 All right. Thank you, guys.
Very, very cool.

Speaker 2 Have you noticed his beard? I have a prediction to make about Aaron Rodgers' facial hair this year. So he's growing out the big hipster beard.
He looks like a bartender.

Speaker 2 And I think that at least by week 10 or 11, he's going to shave it into an ironic mustache.

Speaker 2 I even think he might do the curly cues. He's going to do the cowboy.
He's going to do the waxing thing at the end, and it's going to be like, oh, Aaron Rodgers, so goofy and funny.

Speaker 2 He's going to look like a guy who would give you some cocktail you never heard of in a steel mug in Brooklyn. Yeah, hey, check this out.
It's got fennel in it. Yeah.
It sucks. Yeah.

Speaker 2 We'll make our own ice cubes here. Yeah.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 2 I like that.

Speaker 2 That's going to happen. All right.
Let's get to Dan Patrick. Before we do that, our word, a word from our friends.

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Speaker 2 Okay, here he is. Dan Patrick.

Speaker 2 Okay, we now welcome on our good friend, recurring guest.

Speaker 2 It is Dan Patrick. The Dan Patrick Show is now on Peacock, streaming on Peacock.
You need to get Peacock. If you don't have it, do it right now.
The Dan Patrick Show is streaming every single day.

Speaker 2 Great to have you back on, Dan. Congratulations on going back to NBC.
Would you ever leave? No, you did leave, yeah.

Speaker 11 Sort of. Yeah, I sort of left.
And then when they gave me the opportunity to come back and be part of Peacock, then I thought, you know,

Speaker 11 I'm ready to go back in.

Speaker 2 Yeah, have you learned to not giggle when you say streaming on Peacock?

Speaker 2 Get Peacock.

Speaker 11 Yeah, that's all. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Grow up.

Speaker 2 It's real funny to me still. All right.

Speaker 11 Who came up with the set design there?

Speaker 2 We just kind of throw shit in the room. I like it.
It's like the mini. It's the mini Dan Patrick show.
You guys have a basketball hoop because you like to flop around and shoot hoops in low contact.

Speaker 2 And we have a bench press and a squat rack because we're real men.

Speaker 11 Well, I have a bench press and a squat rack as well.

Speaker 2 No one uses it. No one on your shoot.
Maybe the behind the scenes guys.

Speaker 11 Paulie does and McLovin does.

Speaker 2 Actually, I'm not surprised. Well, McLovin, I mean, Perloff does not bench.
What does he bench? He's Kevin Durant.

Speaker 11 No, he benched 225.

Speaker 2 Dow, get out of here.

Speaker 11 No, I swear he did. We had a contest.
I've never been more proud of the Dan Etz when McLovin he benched 225 three times.

Speaker 2 Wow. That's pretty impressive.
That is. Because his arms are like four feet long each.
Yes. Yeah.

Speaker 11 No, he is Durant-like in his size for our space there.

Speaker 2 All right. My first real question is, you promised me Big Ten football, and now I don't have it.
So we're not going to be able to do that. No, I didn't promise.
I didn't promise.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 You got me excited.

Speaker 11 I told you, well, you're not alone because everybody else was saying, I thought you said they're coming back October 10th. I said, no, the target date is October 10th.

Speaker 11 That allowed them to play 10 games and then they could get into the playoffs. Whether they get to the October 10th date, which I doubt, they are, that was what their plan was.
And

Speaker 11 it's a long shot, but that was the plan.

Speaker 2 So they have a target date. What if they miss the target? Is there a backup target date?

Speaker 11 Well, now I heard this morning that they're looking at now, it may be November. The doctor, the medical community and some of the Big Ten schools say, let's push this out to November.

Speaker 11 I don't think anything's going to happen here because you're looking at the states now have problems. State of Illinois with Illinois Northwestern.
Michigan with Michigan, Michigan State, Maryland.

Speaker 11 I don't know about Rutgers. So how many teams are you going to have that are going to be able to play? Eight, maybe?

Speaker 2 I'm fine with that. Just have Iowa and Wisconsin play every single weekend, and then Ohio State can just circle the rest of them and beat them up.

Speaker 11 Maybe just have an elimination tournament, and then Ohio State just waits for the winner.

Speaker 2 I'm fine with that.

Speaker 2 That's a great idea. I'm fine with that.
I'm okay with that. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I'm just, I know deep down that it's probably not going to happen.

Speaker 2 I know deep down what's happening is there is some posturing going on where teams, where schools are basically pretending that they're fighting for there to be a season when they could have had a season and they didn't.

Speaker 2 I just, you, you said October 10th, and I'm sticking to that, and you let me down. Let's just say that.
You let me down.

Speaker 11 I I apologize. The Pac-12 is not going to play this fall.
Just letting you know, I don't want you to have your hopes up.

Speaker 11 Even if your hopes were up before, they're not going to play football this fall.

Speaker 2 Is that breaking news? Are you breaking news? No, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 11 They're going to try to play in January. Yeah.
But yeah,

Speaker 11 they took all of the drama and intrigue out. There's no, hey, we might play, we could play.

Speaker 11 Big Ten is still holding out hope. And then when President Trump got involved and then talked to the commissioner of the Big Ten, I think people thought, oh, so this is really going to happen.

Speaker 11 And then he said, we're at the one-yard line. I said, we're not even in the red zone.

Speaker 2 Okay, but the SEC is definitely happening.

Speaker 11 Yes, they're playing ACC

Speaker 11 and Big 12.

Speaker 2 All right, so now this is more of an inside baseball question, but when you break a news story, I think you actually had the Big Ten canceling the season first.

Speaker 2 Do college football writers get mad at you because it's kind of their turf and you're getting in on it?

Speaker 11 Or do you hear anything back back from them are they like what how the hell did dan patrick get it before us no a lot of times what happens is somebody will confirm your story yep that's the old call that the shifter the espn way that you know if we didn't break a story we would confirm a story therefore we were able to take the story and make it ours but no for the most part i mean i i welcome if it's pat 40 or uh bruce feldman any of those guys if they have information i'm always open to having them on but no i i would hope that that they're not envious, jealous, or angry that I'm

Speaker 11 doing this show, but somehow able to

Speaker 11 break those stories.

Speaker 2 You've been doing this for a while, and this is really the first time that everything has been put on total hold in the sports world.

Speaker 2 Do you find yourself struggling to, I don't know, like it's obviously less fun to spend your summertime talking about this stuff than it would be to talk about, you know, that's Mount Rushmore season typically, which is a sacred time of year if you're in sports radio.

Speaker 11 radio but like you have to you know switch gears entirely do you find yourself not having as much fun talking about you know the real serious stuff i think it's not as much fun because you're talking about some pretty serious issues and then everybody wants to grab what you're saying and then twist it a little bit if i talk covet then i'm politicizing it or weaponizing it and all i did is personalize it because i have a compromised immune system i said look you know this is my world and this is how i see it and but it's it's not meant to be political but somebody grabs it and they go, oh, you know, typical, whatever, and then they run with it.

Speaker 11 But for the most part, we've had probably more things to talk about.

Speaker 11 You know, you talk about there was the draft, there was Brady, there was Gronk.

Speaker 11 I mean, you can go down the list and you realize there were so many things that were happening that didn't deal with the game itself, but there was so much news attached to it.

Speaker 11 Mahomes' deal, now Watson's deal. We dealt with Dak Prescott's potential deal that he was going to have.

Speaker 11 And I think it made us better as a show because you couldn't just take it for granted, hey, let's talk about what the Lakers did last night.

Speaker 11 You really had to think about who we were having on and what stories we were going to follow.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 11 I don't want to go through it again, but I'm glad we went through it from the perspective of it made our show better.

Speaker 2 How did all the DNS do? Was there any more extra infighting with, you know, not as much stuff to talk about? Everyone's got to come up with new ideas?

Speaker 11 No, because I said, you guys stay at home. I want you to be safe.
So Paulie stayed in here, my producer. We had a skeleton crew.

Speaker 11 So I said to Fritzie and Seton and McLoven, if you guys aren't comfortable being in here, stay in your home. And they did that for a few months.
Because I can't say you got to come in.

Speaker 11 I just said, if you want to come in, come in. But if you want to stay at home, I don't care how long you stay at home because you can still contribute.

Speaker 11 But, you know, they were glad, let's put it that way, to get back in the studio. So have meet meet Friday and be able to shoot basketball and

Speaker 11 get away from being confined.

Speaker 2 So they all talked about how Paulie was a suck up because he was coming in

Speaker 2 with the boss every day. Got it.
Not trying to start infighting, but that's clearly what happened, right?

Speaker 11 Paulie doesn't know how to suck up.

Speaker 11 He doesn't. Pritzy does.
McLovin does. But Paulie, no.
Paulie doesn't.

Speaker 2 He doesn't care. Who would you say loves you the most out of all the dentists?

Speaker 11 Like, loves you, single white female, love you.

Speaker 2 No, like, if there was an, if, if someone was trying to assassinate Dan Patrick, who would be the quickest to jump in front of the bullet?

Speaker 2 Oh,

Speaker 2 oh.

Speaker 11 I was going to say nobody, but I got to pick somebody here.

Speaker 6 Um,

Speaker 11 I'm going to guess Paulie.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 11 Just so he could then tell everybody that he did it. Uh, Fritzie, no way, McLevin, no way.

Speaker 11 Seton might, but I guess I'd say Paul.

Speaker 2 Okay. Well,

Speaker 11 yeah. I mean,

Speaker 11 that's probably it.

Speaker 2 Just

Speaker 2 elimination. He'd do it in the off chance that the bullet wasn't fatal, and then he could have that scar for the rest.

Speaker 2 He'd do the show, he'd take off all his flannel and just be doing a show with a bullet wound in his right shoulder, just being like, this is where I took one for Dan. Yes.

Speaker 2 He would probably try to negotiate with the guy and be like, hey, listen,

Speaker 2 I got a great property for you in Vermont. Why don't you move up here? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Your property's real cheap.

Speaker 2 I get that text from him probably once a month being like, hey, look at this place not too far from me. And I'm like,

Speaker 2 I love it, but I'm like, Paulie, I'm not moving to Vermont, man. Like, I'm not moving to Vermont.

Speaker 11 Well, he got Chris Mannix.

Speaker 2 He did move up there. Oh my God.
So he's been working on everyone. I think he just wants the whole sports media world to move to Vermont.
It's actually an ambitious undertaking. I like it.

Speaker 11 Well, he got Mannix to move up there, and they lived about a couple of hundred yards away, and they had walkie-talkies. talkies.

Speaker 2 These friends.

Speaker 11 They would talk to each other on walkie talkies from their homes.

Speaker 2 Sad. Listen, I hope he never stops sending me because that means he cares.

Speaker 2 So the minute he stops sending me the real estate listings in Vermont, that means that he doesn't consider me a friend anymore. So I hope they always keep coming.

Speaker 11 All right.

Speaker 2 I'll let him know. You do, jumping back to the assassination thing real quick, you do find yourself in a position where

Speaker 2 somebody that works for you could pay somebody to fake try to kill you and then they become the hero because I mean you like you control you control all the strings there Dan you're like you know you are the guy that's in charge so it is very worthwhile to try to get on your good side do you find yourself like looking at any present they give you or any compliment they give you with like an air of suspicion they don't give me presents and they don't give me compliments just letting you know it It's the most needy staff.

Speaker 11 When I walk out after doing the show, they wait to be told great show.

Speaker 11 It is never reciprocated i've worked with fritzy for over 20 years and i i said to him do you know that you've never complimented me first

Speaker 11 never

Speaker 11 because i if i go out you know if he let's say he books a you know a couple of great guests i'll always say hey fritzie hey great job today and then he'll go you too

Speaker 11 and i said fritzy you've never said hey great show And he said, I have to believe I've done it once or twice. I said, in over 20 years, you probably have done it maybe once or twice.

Speaker 11 So that's the audience I play to.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 How do you handle something like, for example, this morning in sports media? Because you have a respectable show, I would say. We don't have to worry about having the same level of tack that you have.

Speaker 2 But when the first thing that's trending all over social media in the morning is Odell Beckham Jr. and you find out why Odell Beckham Jr.

Speaker 2 is trending on sports media, like you probably can't really get into the weeds too much on why he's trending.

Speaker 2 Where do you draw that line? It's like, okay, well, the whole world's talking about it, but we can't.

Speaker 11 Well, there's a lot of things the whole world can be talking about, and I can't, but

Speaker 11 it's better to just touch on it in a little nudge there, or we know it. We can't touch it.
Because I said, I always thought Eve was a number one wide receiver

Speaker 11 and not a number two. And then Seton, of course, you know, then he laughed and Paulie laughed.
And then that was it.

Speaker 11 We didn't have to touch on it. And then we move on because it's not like I can go, hey, let's get a couple of, hey, let me get Shefty on the phone.
Hey, Shefty.

Speaker 11 Shefty, what do you think of the Sodio Beckham Jr.

Speaker 2 story? I saw it.

Speaker 2 I actually, that was one of

Speaker 2 my favorite parts about the story is that like a chef or a rapper for all these guys sitting there and not being able to get involved.

Speaker 2 And then you just know it's killing them that they can't tweet about it. It's like, no, this is us.
Like, we get to do this. You don't get to do this.

Speaker 11 But, Kat, I was waiting for Shefty to confirm the story.

Speaker 2 Confirmation that it actually happened. I'm hearing that it did happen and that she did not wipe.
Yeah, he would do

Speaker 2 my story. He adds like the little nugget on top of it.
And he's like, this is my part of the story. I'm going to plant my flag.
Yeah, per sources.

Speaker 2 I think last time we had you on, we asked you how long you're going to be doing this for. Now that you've re-upped with the cock,

Speaker 2 what do you think

Speaker 2 in terms of like Dan Patrick retiring in three to five years?

Speaker 11 What are we looking at i'm gonna guess in

Speaker 2 five years i'll be done five i think you told us five years

Speaker 11 ago i i've been on the five-year plan for about ten years okay i i this time i mean it no way i no i've i've done enough damage i've bothered enough people that it's time for somebody else so five years that's it i'm done doing a daily show so right when like right when peyton manning's son or no arch manning right when arch manning is getting to the nfl you're going to walk away at that point.

Speaker 11 And LeBron James' son.

Speaker 2 Yes. Yeah.
Yes.

Speaker 11 But I mean, I've been around doing this for such a long time, and I'm very lucky to have done it. But, you know, after a while, when you see somebody

Speaker 11 retires and then their kid comes in and then they're ready to retire, and then you go, that's a long time. But I've been fortunate.
I like it. I love doing this every day.
I could do without TV.

Speaker 11 Radio is so much fun because, as you guys know, you come in and you go, what what do you want to talk about? Right. And then you just start firing away.
And that's what's fun about it.

Speaker 11 And the reaction you get from people is real. They can call you.
They can tweet. They can email.
They can respond to you automatically or in real time. And you can't do that anymore.

Speaker 11 Newspaper columnist or TV host doesn't get to do that. So

Speaker 11 I enjoy it. I appreciate it.

Speaker 2 Now, when you say that, just to clarify, you mean like radio is fun, but also the streaming when you guys are just, yeah, not you're saying TV when it's like a big set, Football Night in America.

Speaker 2 Like Football Night in America. Right, that's a different beast in its own.

Speaker 11 Got it. Yeah, because it's so much time leading up to an hour of being on TV that you spend eight to 10 hours to get to, you know, Sports Center was the same way.

Speaker 11 We would get in, and then we'd have a three o'clock rundown meeting, and then we wouldn't be on the air till 11.

Speaker 11 And it's just all of that time, and then you get on. Like, who is asked to be their best at the end of the day?

Speaker 2 yeah that's awesome

Speaker 2 like midnight yeah no seriously football season being back well on sunday nights we literally take the show at like 1230.

Speaker 11 but it's it's hard though because you've got to gear up to that fact like sports center i would drink four 20 ounce bottles of coca-cola each night oh party animal geez

Speaker 11 because i wanted to be on fire when i got to 11 o'clock because you're tired yeah and then i would get done at, let's say, you're on 11, you're done at 12, and I'm home by close to 1, three beers, and then in bed.

Speaker 11 Yeah. And that would, you know, so you do that.
I was on second shift for 15 years.

Speaker 11 Not the healthiest way to approach your job, but that's what it was just about every night.

Speaker 2 That's like Keith Richards stuff right there. No, it's three beers, four.
Are we talking full sugar cokes or diet? Oh, yeah. He's hardcore.
Yeah, yeah. Heavy coke.
Hell yeah. No, you're right, though.

Speaker 2 It is, we do, we like,

Speaker 2 it's more the idea that you still have something left in your day. Like you could be sitting, when we're sitting here, it's not hard for us to get up at 12.30 after a full sleeve of NFL games.

Speaker 2 It's more that like you just know that no matter what, you still have like the work part of your day coming up.

Speaker 11 Yeah.

Speaker 11 And it's live. as well, so you add a little degree of difficulty there.

Speaker 11 But I love that. I love that part because you were always on edge.
You know, you had to be ready to go if you screwed up on a highlight or whatever it might be.

Speaker 11 And, you know, to be, it probably didn't help that I was all wired up from the

Speaker 11 soda that I was drinking. But yeah, I got amped up and then I had to quickly come down with three beers in less than an hour.

Speaker 2 And then when you're doing Football Night in America, you have to hang out with Peter King all day. And he's probably telling you stories of smoking doobies with the Doobie brothers.

Speaker 2 I was with

Speaker 2 Springsing up to 11 and driving 67 miles an hour up 95.

Speaker 11 I was with Peter King one night. We were at dinner in New York, and it's the Sunday night, guys.

Speaker 11 We would get there on Saturday night, and we'd have dinner, and we started telling stories, and Tony Dungy started telling his story, and Peter King says to Tony, Tony, you're wrong and here's why.

Speaker 11 And we just stopped because Tony was talking about something to do with coaching. And Peter just says, Tony, you're wrong, and here's why.

Speaker 11 And then we just went, holy shit, he's telling Tony doesn't know what he's talking about.

Speaker 2 That's Peter. That's Peter.

Speaker 2 So much information inside of his head.

Speaker 2 So, wait, when you're like five years from now, if you leave the Dan Patrick show and they inevitably give it, let's say, to Ross Tucker, Ross Tucker gets that gig and you're on the road and you accidentally tune in to the new Dan Patrick show with Ross Tucker, you're not going to listen and be like, I need to come and I need to take my show back.

Speaker 11 No, no. Once I go, I'm gone.
Like once I left Sports Center, I was gone. Football Night in America, once I left, I was gone.

Speaker 11 I won't look back. Absolutely not.

Speaker 11 But that would be funny, the Dan Patrick show featuring

Speaker 2 hosted by Ross Tucker. Yeah, and then you pull a Jay Leno and you come back like two weeks later.
Fuck this.

Speaker 2 I'm back, baby. We're going to get back to Dan Patrick in just a second.

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Speaker 2 And now back to Dan Patrick.

Speaker 2 When you were on with us a couple years ago, we talked about Pete Rose. You shared a bookie with him.

Speaker 2 Now that gambling has become legalized in a lot of states, and you actually see there's a new deal with the Cubs are doing a deal with

Speaker 2 legalized gambling. I'm not going to shout out a competitor here, but do you think that Pete Rose will get in the Hall of Fame in his lifetime?

Speaker 2 And since you shared a bookie with him, do you think you maybe give the speech?

Speaker 11 He shouldn't get in the Hall of Fame.

Speaker 11 He won't get in the Hall of Fame.

Speaker 2 Really?

Speaker 2 Don't you think it's hypocritical?

Speaker 11 Well, he was betting on his team.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 2 They bet on your team. But now they're taking in He's taking gambling money.
But they're taking in gambling money. That's hypocritical.

Speaker 11 I know, but he could manipulate the lineup. So what about the days that he didn't bet on his team? If you're a bookie, you're probably letting your friends know Pete's not betting on the Reds today.

Speaker 11 And then you may alter your pitching staff. You may use a pitcher, John Franco, more than he should because you want to win that day.

Speaker 11 I mean,

Speaker 11 if Pete would have stopped and never managed, Pete would probably be in the Hall of Fame. But, you know, all that information came came out about him gambling.

Speaker 11 And I believe it's like cheating in grad school. You know, the undergrad, Pete was, you know, magna cum laude.
But you cheat in grad school. Should that affect what you did with undergrad?

Speaker 11 And it does with baseball. I grew up loving Pete Rose in Cincinnati, and it's tough to say it.

Speaker 11 Unless they go, here's Pete in the Hall of Fame. I mean, he's benefited more by not being in the Hall of Fame.
True.

Speaker 11 If Pete was in the Hall of Fame, nobody would have talked about him the last 25 years.

Speaker 11 But because of this, he became a sympathetic figure. He gets the biggest ovations of all of these players.
You know, somehow that, you know, baseball has done this to Pete Rose.

Speaker 11 Pete Rose did it to himself. And it's unfortunate, but Pete, the baseball player, and Pete the person are the same thing.
It's like Barry Bonds was his own worst enemy, Roger Clemens' own worst enemy.

Speaker 11 A lot of these guys are their own worst enemy. That prevents them from, you know, kind of getting out of their own way.

Speaker 2 So why don't you punish Pete Rose by putting him in in the Hall of Fame? Like, we'll show you pets. Yeah, no one's going to talk about you ever again.

Speaker 2 Shut him up. I like it.
That'll do it. That actually probably would hurt him.
Like, six years from now, if Pete was in the Hall of Fame, he'd be like, Man, it sucks. No one's talking about it.

Speaker 2 I can't show up at Hooters and get paid $200 per autograph anymore.

Speaker 11 He made more money by not making it in the Hall of Fame.

Speaker 2 That's a good spin zone. I just think it's hypocritical.
And obviously, I love gambling.

Speaker 2 I think all sports should

Speaker 2 embrace it it because it's in the business.

Speaker 11 What's the most you ever bet on a sporting event?

Speaker 2 A lot. A lot.
Like how much?

Speaker 2 Thousands. We're going to probably have to cut this.
Thousands? More than thousands?

Speaker 11 I bet 3,000.

Speaker 2 I bet more than that. 5,000 is the most I've ever bet on a game.

Speaker 11 Well, I bet 3,000, and

Speaker 11 I was up 6,000, and I bet on the Orange Bowl years, years, years, years ago. Last bet I made.
And I lost the bet, so it cost me $3,300. And then I closed up shop after that.

Speaker 11 I've never gambled again.

Speaker 2 Out a winner. I bet.
Out of winner. I bet $2,000.
No, I lost.

Speaker 11 I lost $3,300.

Speaker 2 No, you're off $6,000 though, you know. Yeah.
Yeah. You're out a winner.

Speaker 11 I walked out with cash. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I bet $2,000 on

Speaker 2 the Broncos in the Super Bowl against the Seahawks.

Speaker 2 And then that was a mistake. And then

Speaker 2 I was like, okay, I'm never betting that much again. And then I bet $2,000 on the Panthers against the Broncos because the Broncos fucked me over.
I had to bet. So

Speaker 2 at that point, I was like, you know what? I'm done betting that much. So I've shaved quite a bit off that.

Speaker 11 Everybody has a bad beat, too. You know, like Floyd Mayweather's never lost a bet, which I find interesting.
He always tells us when he wins a bet.

Speaker 11 I lost a bet to, it was Bears Packers Chester Markle was the kicker. All he had to do was make the field goal, and I cover.

Speaker 11 Field goal blocked, he picks it up, and he runs in for a touchdown. And I lost.
That was probably the worst bad beat I ever had. But that's one of those where you go, I didn't enjoy it.

Speaker 2 That's fun when you get that pain when you're like, how the hell did this happen? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 I never enjoyed the winning.

Speaker 11 I never enjoyed the winning. The losing.

Speaker 11 I couldn't watch games anymore.

Speaker 2 Oh, see, I love it all. Like a real bad beat.

Speaker 2 That's shit you'll remember forever. I remember when they just magically put on time Utah versus Duke in like the second round, like seven years ago.

Speaker 2 Like there's shit that just sticks with you, and that's what it is. It's, you know, you tell those stories for the rest of your life.

Speaker 11 I don't need to tell those stories. I'm glad that I don't have any more stories to tell from that last beat I had.

Speaker 2 I mean, imagine if you were betting on, was it it 1976 Olympics and you had the USA against Russia in basketball and that entire ending sequence, even if you lost that,

Speaker 2 you would never ever forget where you're at. Get the story.
A bad beat is just so you just gain a good story.

Speaker 11 It is, but I'm okay. I've got enough stories to go around.
I don't need to go through that anymore. It was painful.
I used to call up, there was a score,

Speaker 11 like you could dial up a number and you could get all the scores. And

Speaker 11 I wanted to call up, let's say I had Army and 18 and they ended up covering. I would call up just to hear that score over and over again because it made me feel good.

Speaker 2 Yes. Oh, absolutely.
When you got a winner and you're like, and you got the no doubter, there's nothing, no better feeling in the world.

Speaker 11 Oh, it's no.

Speaker 11 I know gambling is going to be here really soon. And all these commissioners are looking for their piece of the point.
I mean, that was really the holdup.

Speaker 11 You know, they made it seem like, as Roger Goodell said, that gambling ruins families. And, you know, now everybody's changed their tune on gambling.
Like, no,

Speaker 11 everything's good. It's a good participation sport, you know, for the family to be all involved.

Speaker 2 Well, yeah, I mean, I'm, again, very biased, but I do think legalized gambling is a lot safer than people betting over their head with, you know, credit they don't have and all that stuff.

Speaker 2 Like, that's, it's, it's like a lot of things that once you take it out of the shadows and it gets regulated, you can, you can actually, it can a lot of times be a lot safer.

Speaker 11 Well, I wonder if we will get to the point where if we go back to, when we go back to stadiums, let's say you have sort of a gambling suite there that you can go in and place bets there, and it'll be governed by the NFL and the states where you have to have cash to be able to bet.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 11 And then you just go in. You could bet on like soccer matches in the Premier League where you can bet while you're there.

Speaker 11 I think that that's probably where we're headed, where we'll provide the bookie for you. Like, come on in and here's your winnings and that'll cost you.

Speaker 11 But I think there's so many billions and billions of dollars that are attached to this that the NFL is going to capitalize more than anybody, obviously. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So I know you're not on Twitter much, if at all. Are you ever on Twitter? No.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Do your guys ever freak out when Dan Patrick starts trending and it's the politician, not you?

Speaker 11 Well, if they say, Pauli will go, you're trending, and then I know that it's the other Dan Patrick in Texas, the lieutenant governor. And then I know that that's not going to be a good thing.

Speaker 11 But I'm to the point now where, you know, I just felt bad because I had people who I know who said, what do you have against old people? And I said, I don't know what, what are you talking about?

Speaker 11 They said, no, you're quoted as saying that, hey, old people die. And I go, oh, my God.
And then I looked at what the lieutenant governor of Texas said, and I go, no, I'm all for old people.

Speaker 11 You know, I hope they live long, great lives.

Speaker 11 And then I'm going, people think that I'm against old people here.

Speaker 2 You should just have your name switched back to being Dan Pugh.

Speaker 11 Well, it's a little late in the game.

Speaker 2 Clear that right up. No, it's not too late.
Just do it. Well,

Speaker 2 you should do Dan Peacock if you're a company man.

Speaker 11 How about Danny P? Then it could be Pugh, Patrick, or Peacock.

Speaker 2 Yeah, Danny Cox.

Speaker 11 Yeah, go Cox.

Speaker 2 Go Cox. Yeah.

Speaker 11 But if you grow up with a name like that, you're like, you know, I have six brothers and sisters.

Speaker 11 So it's, we just kind of grew up and we knew, all right, go ahead, make the joke, and then we move on from it. I got to CNN,

Speaker 11 and that was in the early 80s. And my boss said, you got to change your name.
And I go, I thought he meant my first name. I swear to God, because I'd like, and I'm attached to this name.

Speaker 11 Like, you know, at that point in my life, you know, so what? He goes, you can't go on the air, and then people make fun of you.

Speaker 11 And then I go, oh, so I just said, all right, well, I'll just take my middle name. And then that was it.
And oh,

Speaker 11 my sisters were mad at me. And I'm like, you got married.
You changed your name.

Speaker 2 What are you talking about? Right. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. That was a smart move.
That was a smart move.

Speaker 11 Yeah, I think so.

Speaker 2 I think so. It worked out well in the long run.

Speaker 2 One thing people don't talk, I think, enough about you, Dan, is is you have a great voice. Do you do voice exercises?

Speaker 11 No.

Speaker 2 You've never done like vocal training? Natural.

Speaker 11 No. Very lucky.
My grandmother had a great voice, grabbly voice. But that was probably from bourbon.

Speaker 11 But

Speaker 11 I was just lucky. I don't, you know, when people say, how do you get a voice like that? And I go, I don't know.
I just opened my mouth. So, no, I didn't.
Didn't do anything, no vocal training.

Speaker 2 It's very comforting. And I've also noticed that when I listen to your show sometimes, you are able to do like the pregnant pause.

Speaker 2 You really take your time in between words sometimes where you're obviously thinking about something. What's the longest you've ever gone between saying words?

Speaker 11 Probably a good six, seven seconds.

Speaker 2 Nothing.

Speaker 11 But you know what?

Speaker 11 There's something great about if you stop, then people stop as well. And there's something that, okay, now what are you saying after that is really important.
But

Speaker 11 I don't like to go a mile a minute. I like to let it breathe.
I like to slow it down sometimes, but I don't do it for effect.

Speaker 11 It's just sometimes you just do it where you're going, you know what, what is the right thing to say? Because everything is going to be examined.

Speaker 11 And you got to be careful, certainly in the last, you know, five months with what are you saying? And how are you saying it? And then how are people consuming it? So I've been probably even more

Speaker 11 aware of it than I have been in previous years. I almost paused for a little bit longer, though, but I didn't want to do that because you would have thought I was staging it.

Speaker 2 Alternatively, you could take our approach, talk fast, make a lot of mistakes, fumble over yourself.

Speaker 2 And people are like, you guys are fucking idiots, so we're not going to, like, whatever you say doesn't really matter.

Speaker 2 Well, there's probably some truth to that because since there are two of us, sometimes three when Hank's chiming in, doing a show at once, there's really not an opportunity to pause and collect your thoughts.

Speaker 2 There's long silences. Long silences.
If we can get everyone to be like, is is my phone broken? I actually think that we're incapable of doing it. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Because if both Big Cat and I stop talking for a second, Hank might think that we're waiting on him to comment on something. Billy might fucking think that we're making fun of him.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he'll start crying. The whole thing just falls apart.
The house just goes to shit.

Speaker 2 If mom and dad stop talking for three seconds, this room will catch on fire. Constant noise.
But we should try doing it.

Speaker 2 Like that. Yeah,

Speaker 2 that was uncomfortable. It felt weird.

Speaker 11 Can you close your legs, though? You're really distracting.

Speaker 2 Who, me? PFT. Oh, you can see PFT.
See my balls? Yes. We had to blur out my balls on the episode of Barcelona Van Flint.
I thought I'd heard it.

Speaker 11 Pixelate those.

Speaker 2 You're rolling those things out right now. Sweatpants.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Accent them sometimes. All right.
I got two last questions. Okay.
Two last questions. One, give us your hottest take for the NFL season.
Don't give us, you know, the peacock version.

Speaker 2 Like, oh, I think Tom Brady's going to have a good year. Give us something you actually feel.
The cocktail. and we can really hold it to you for the rest of the year.

Speaker 2 Like I said, the Ravens were frauds. I took a lot of shit and then I ended up being right, but I took a lot of shit.
Like, give us a take that you're going to have to be like, stand behind it.

Speaker 11 I can't give you my take until Thursday when the season starts.

Speaker 2 No!

Speaker 2 We're not going to wear this till after Thursday. Packers aren't going to make the playoffs.
There, I gave you mine.

Speaker 11 Okay.

Speaker 11 Patriots don't make the playoffs.

Speaker 2 Oh, Hank is mad. Okay, PFT.
Hank is real life mad. We're trading takes.
Trading takes.

Speaker 2 I think that the Panthers will be in the wild card conversation

Speaker 2 as late as mid-November. Teddy Bridgewater.
Wow.

Speaker 11 Wait, late November.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that way, since I used the term like late November, I can be very ambiguous

Speaker 2 and not really have to answer for my take. And it was in the conversation.
Yeah, no, here's my take. The Broncos are making the playoffs.
Denver Broncos making the playoffs this year. If they don't,

Speaker 2 I'll let some chick from Instagram shit on my chest.

Speaker 2 That's good. That's really good.

Speaker 2 Don't hold me to that. Hank's looking at me like, you said it.
You have to do it.

Speaker 11 Yeah. Again.

Speaker 2 Okay. Well, that was a pause.
I was actually reading. I googled

Speaker 2 Dan Patrick Peacock in this. You have Facebook comments.
You have one comment on your video. Susan K.
McQueen. She seems nice.

Speaker 2 She said, Dan, Peacock sucks video in and out, bad quality, reruns not available for days and days. Please go back or add YouTube.
I'm just telling you what the people are saying. That's one person.

Speaker 2 She seems angry.

Speaker 2 I would guess Susan McQueen does a lot of Facebook commenting.

Speaker 11 You know what?

Speaker 11 I'm going to find her number. I'm going to actually call her.

Speaker 2 Yes. Have her on the show.
Be like, hey, let's figure this out. I've actually watched it, and it's opposite.
Everything about the camera. I'm going to call her.

Speaker 11 I'm going to call her and just apologize because that's what I do. It's one person.

Speaker 11 It's one person at a time. That's how you build an audience like Barstool has.

Speaker 2 Yes. All right.
So my last last question.

Speaker 2 All right. So we are going to come up to Connecticut.

Speaker 2 We were planning on doing it, and then coronavirus happened.

Speaker 11 Who are you bringing with?

Speaker 2 So it's going to be our crew. Yes.
So it's meet PFT Hank. And then, so I think Billy Football, our intern, will be our fourth, and we'll play three on three.

Speaker 2 What do you put the line at? 21. Games to 21.
So we're going to play the game.

Speaker 11 How good is the intern here?

Speaker 2 He's tall, but I don't think he really plays basketball.

Speaker 2 He probably plays basketball like a football player. So probably doesn't really know what he's doing.

Speaker 11 Yeah, but that guy can be dangerous.

Speaker 2 All right, so let's say that he can, we'll pick a Danette, a fourth Danette that he can only sub in and out with.

Speaker 2 All right. So that's fair.
So what's the first to 21?

Speaker 11 Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's going to take days. Like, we're going to have to get a hotel.
We're going to have to create a bubble because

Speaker 2 21 will take a long time. Yeah.
But we'll do it. What are you, who, who do you, who are you betting on? Now that you bet.

Speaker 11 I'd have to see you guys shoot around here.

Speaker 2 I know that you love playing.

Speaker 11 And you, you've got an unfair advantage. You've seen the Danettes, you've seen us scrimmage against Adam Sandler.
You've seen us in the

Speaker 11 idea.

Speaker 2 It's been about six years since I've played a competitive game of basketball, but I just touched Rim over the weekend, so you should be afraid of that.

Speaker 11 Well,

Speaker 11 you're athletic because you I saw that when you were trying out as a place kicker.

Speaker 2 Yeah, true.

Speaker 11 And obviously you got meaty thighs because I'm seeing them

Speaker 2 in front of me.

Speaker 11 Damn.

Speaker 2 I think we would win. I actually think it would all come down to how

Speaker 2 Hank's stamina is.

Speaker 11 Honestly. How good is Hank?

Speaker 2 How good is Hank? Hank can be.

Speaker 2 Hank is like the perfect six-man. Like, he gets hot.
He's a microwave. He gets hot, and when he gets hot, he stays hot.
But if he's cold, he's just going to be throwing it out of the gym.

Speaker 2 But if his stamina is there, you guys would be, the Danettes would be screwed. But Hank also, he smokes weed, so we all do.
So that would be, that probably goes against us.

Speaker 11 I would say you guys might arrive as favorites here.

Speaker 2 Okay. All right.
Well,

Speaker 11 you guys would be like the Milwaukee Bucks.

Speaker 11 You'd be coming in as favorites. And then all of a sudden, maybe the pesky Miami Heat would show up.

Speaker 2 You think Giannis

Speaker 2 is a bust? You think he's a bum? Have you said that yet?

Speaker 9 No. So you're not doing your job.

Speaker 2 What about a fraud? Yeah. So you're fraudulent? What kind of show are you running?

Speaker 11 I had no problem saying the Miami Heat would win that series against Milwaukee. I had no problem saying that whatsoever.
Because

Speaker 11 in the playoffs, you can't just run up and down the floor like they do during the regular season. Miami has had a great philosophy here, but I think the great freak has got to get a signature move.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And

Speaker 11 it's one move that he's going to, he's got to have that because he doesn't beat you off the dribble.

Speaker 11 You know, he doesn't have a reliable shot. He doesn't shoot free throws well.
But if he gets run up and down the floor, then you will not stop him.

Speaker 11 But, you know, Miami's had a good defensive philosophy there.

Speaker 2 Sounds like you're saying he's a bust.

Speaker 2 I do like

Speaker 2 the way that you put it, though, which is a classic late 90s talk. He needs a signature move.

Speaker 2 Like I could imagine my my dad getting mad at the tv when i was a kid watching sports because this guy doesn't have a signature move reams got the sky hook yeah Jerry West had the logo move.

Speaker 2 The other dad thing to do is be like, you know what, Giannis?

Speaker 2 He has to go and work on his post moves. He's got to get his back to the basket.
He's got to learn how to

Speaker 2 learn his post moves in the summer. Yeah, spend a summer with Dwight Howard and work on his post game.

Speaker 11 No, he's got to go to like, who was it?

Speaker 2 Patrick Ewing.

Speaker 11 Doug Moe, Big Man Man Camp, or somebody like that? He's got to do like that. But, you know, when you think about it, how many players of the older generation didn't have a signature move?

Speaker 11 Like, they, it, very few guys, Will Chamberlain didn't have a signature move. Shaq didn't have a signature move.

Speaker 2 I would say Will Chamberlain probably had a signature move. We probably didn't see it.

Speaker 11 Off the court.

Speaker 2 Okay, I see what we're going here. Yeah.
Yeah. But no, I...

Speaker 11 I'm trying to be serious and be a goddamn journalist, and then everything is a joke to you.

Speaker 2 Well, because he won't fucking just say it. Giannis is a fraud.

Speaker 11 You were saying I had to have a second hot take or something with the football segment.

Speaker 2 I don't, I'm

Speaker 2 are we done? Okay, you're too measured.

Speaker 2 Here's what we have to do: just come up with the name of the move first, yeah, and then tell him he has to learn it. Like, I like the Euro step, the fraud buster, the G-Y-R-O step.

Speaker 11 Well, you've got to come up with a Greek dish, yeah.

Speaker 2 Uh, spanacopita, yeah, the Teramusolata.

Speaker 2 The flaming cheese. What's that called?

Speaker 11 You said a Solvaki or something like that?

Speaker 2 The flaming cheese. If he did that, if he like dumped on someone and then just lit a match.
Yeah. The tiramis Superman? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 11 Okay. See, this is what happened

Speaker 11 20 years ago at Sports Center when you try to come up with catchphrases. This is what would have happened if we were sitting around talking about a player like the Greek freak.
You'd go,

Speaker 11 hey, we got to do a Greek dish here. And then that'll be the catchphrase for the Greek freak.
Yeah. Sad as that was.

Speaker 2 Actually, that sounds like the best time ever. Yeah.

Speaker 2 It was. It was a lot of fun.
Now journalism is just calling people frauds. Yes.
Look how far we've come. All right, Dan.
Thank you as always. We really appreciate it.
Everyone, go download Peacock.

Speaker 2 Peacock. Can watch Dan every single day.
Dan and Danett's every single day. I'm happy you guys are back streaming.
You're always part of my morning routine.

Speaker 2 And make sure you do try to come up. I want you guys to.
We want to play.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 2 Hashtag we want to play. We want to play.

Speaker 11 What you want to do is come up on a meet Friday.

Speaker 2 Yes. I see that.

Speaker 11 We'll get the Traegers fired up, ready to go, and then we'll have some beverages. I got beer on tap here, so we're good to go.

Speaker 2 We should also have a wrinkle where we all have to play in Pauly's flannel shirts or something. That would be good.
I liked it. Yeah, yeah.
You have to have jerseys. He's definitely got three

Speaker 2 blue flannels and three red flannels, and we'll do that.

Speaker 11 He does love his flannel.

Speaker 2 He loves his flannels. Shirts for skins, but it's pants versus bottomless.
Yeah, you don't want to see us with our shirts. It falls off everywhere.

Speaker 11 I've seen enough skin here.

Speaker 2 Yeah, no, you don't want to see that. Yeah.

Speaker 2 All right, Dan. Thanks so much, man.
Appreciate it.

Speaker 11 Thank you, guys.

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Speaker 2 Okay, let's get some segments and then we will send you on your way.

Speaker 2 First up, we have Kicker Psychology Couch. So every kicker in the NFL sucks.

Speaker 2 That was what we found out. Except for Fat Randy.
He was hurt. Yeah, he's hurt, which he actually isn't hurt.
No. He's back to suck it.
He's even worse hurt.

Speaker 2 He has two leg injuries. We thought he just had the one.
Right. So he missed the kick, grabbed the right leg, and then after the game, he said, yeah, I felt

Speaker 2 my left calf

Speaker 2 cramp up a little bit. His left calf cramped up a little bit.
His left calf cramped up. And that's 10 times fast.
Left calf cramped up. Yeah.
Yeah, so he's. But he's back.
He's back.

Speaker 2 Eddie Parky's back. Because everybody else stinks just as badly as he does.
so you can't really point a finger at I'm gonna call him Lieutenant Randy I just love both legs I love the fact that

Speaker 2 like with no fans in the crowd you're thinking how's the game gonna be different how like what's the you know Will there be no home field advantage? How will offenses do?

Speaker 2 You know, you can audible, you can hard count, all this stuff.

Speaker 2 No, really, the only change that we can actually understand is that kickers are such mental cases that they can't kick when they're in an empty stadium. Yes.
That's it. That's literally the only bit.

Speaker 2 Like,

Speaker 2 if you looked at week one, it looked like real football, except for the fact that every kicker sucked. Even kickers in Mile High.
It's down 71.6% as opposed to 81.6% last year.

Speaker 2 So it usually hovers right around 80%, 83%. And so it's down over 10% this year.
I have a theory about why.

Speaker 2 Besides the fact that I think some kickers do like pick one person to aim for in the stands behind the net,

Speaker 2 I actually think that the touchback has a lot to do do with it. So all the kicks are, you know, they're all going for touchbacks.
There aren't as many returns.

Speaker 2 I think that kickers are such head cases that sometimes being involved in a kick return and getting hit a little bit, it kind of knocks them back into reality. But touchbacks haven't been

Speaker 2 around for a while. Touchbacks have been getting less and less over the last several years, and there's been like kind of a small downward trend.

Speaker 2 I would say it's more about the extra point, which has also been for the last few years, because that's the extra point used to be free throws.

Speaker 2 You used to go to the line, see the ball go through the hoop, see the ball go through the uprights and be like, okay, I got this. Now those aren't sure things.
And it feels like this is

Speaker 2 some nerd can figure out the stats. But if a kicker misses an extra point,

Speaker 2 they're like 95% chance they're going to miss their next kick. Oh, of course.
But the interesting thing is that extra points aren't down at all this year.

Speaker 2 No, but I'm saying that mentally fucks them up more than the kickoff. Yeah, if you miss what's supposed to be like a gimme extra point, then it does fuck you up.

Speaker 2 And you can't like turn your brain off and just that's, you know, when it used to be the one-yard, two-yard line, it was automatic.

Speaker 2 It was just get there, see, you know, almost like a nice practice rep that you get live practice rep.

Speaker 2 Now they don't have that. They have to be worried about it all the time.

Speaker 2 I'm just going to, I'm going to pull a Brazilian soccer coach technique and just no kickers are allowed to have sex until their percentage improves. I just love kickers.
Absolutely. It's always fun.

Speaker 2 It's always fun to see kickers fuck up.

Speaker 2 That the Monday Night game, we talked about it at the top, but like Kostowski, just the pressure that you feel when you watch a game, when you know that a kicker is spiraling on tilt, it just makes for such great theater.

Speaker 2 All right, our next segment: we had Trouble in Paradise, Chicago Bears. It only took two days for the Bears to totally fuck up

Speaker 2 one of the best comebacks they've had in a long time. Allen Robinson wants to trade.
Allen Robinson, this league, the hell out of his social media.

Speaker 2 He not only unfollowed and took out any mention of the Bears, he deleted every Instagram picture of him in a Bears uniform.

Speaker 2 How much time do you think that took for him to just go through and scrub his social media? A while? Probably a couple hours. Yeah, a while.
That's dedication. I guess he's.

Speaker 2 Is this supposed to apply pressure to a front office? Do front offices respond to that where they're like, oh shit, he untagged Ryan Pace in a team photo. He's dumb enough that he could do it.

Speaker 2 He I don't

Speaker 2 really understand why they wouldn't sign him, especially they gave some money, you you know, giving, this is what happens when you give $13 million or whatever it was to Jimmy Graham, and Robert Quinn gets a bunch of money, and he's 30 years old, and then Allen Robinson is, outside of Khloomack, is your best player, and you're not going to pay him.

Speaker 2 So I don't really, it's very confusing. You also saw

Speaker 2 the sign that you are fucking up, there's two signs. One, when other players start tweeting about it from your team being like, pay Allen Robinson.

Speaker 2 Because usually players kind of stay out of of all of that, right? They know. Right.
They stay out of it, though, usually.

Speaker 2 They don't talk about what, four against, they don't talk about another guy's money.

Speaker 2 And two, when fan bases, when fans from other fan bases start dreaming about trading for Allen Robinson, you're like, oh, maybe we shouldn't let that guy go when everyone's like, ooh, we got an extra second-round pick line around.

Speaker 2 Let's go get Allen Robinson. There's like, I saw 15 teams that are rumored to go after Allen Robinson.
That's the sign, Ryan Pays. Stop being a fucking idiot and sign Allen Robinson.
Dude,

Speaker 2 I saw saw some actual reports saying that the Washington football team, which is interesting, going all in. And it's like, since when did Washington become more functional than Chicago?

Speaker 2 That's an interesting one.

Speaker 2 Because they're definitely not yet at that point. But

Speaker 2 yeah, it's not good. I think that Allen Robinson, he likes to be a good idea.
He's the greatest wide receiver of all time. Yes, he's very good.

Speaker 2 There's a certain part of him that I think likes being known as the guy that is a really good wide receiver that doesn't have anybody that can get him the ball.

Speaker 2 And so now that Mitch has taken that next step and he's really good,

Speaker 2 Alan Robinson can't be. He has no more excuses being like, I'm, you know, a great player with somebody who can't, like, he played for in Jacksonville, he had Nick Foles.
And in Chicago, he didn't.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he had Nick Foles for a little bit. Didn't he? In Jacksonville? No.
Not even for two games? Allen Robinson has been on the Bears for a while. Who was his quarterback in Jacksonville?

Speaker 2 Blake Bortles. I was trying to.
Oh. I was trying to.
Okay.

Speaker 2 He had Christian Hackenberg in Penn State, and then Mitch Trubisky. So, yeah, Alan Robinson is the best wide receiver of all time.
Yeah, he's good. I should say that.

Speaker 2 Well, if he wants, there are an abundance of teams that would like Allen Robinson that have shitty quarterbacks. Every team wants Allen Robinson.
Any New York team would love Allen Robinson.

Speaker 2 The Jets, that would be such a Jets move. Be like, let's get Allen Robinson.
Oh, we still can't block anyone. So we can't get the ball to Allen Robinson.
Either way, figure it out, Ryan Pace.

Speaker 2 I just, it's just such, it's so classic Bears. Like, it doesn't even give you 48 hours to enjoy a win.
Nope. Can't even have that.

Speaker 2 He might have been hanging out with Jimmy Graham too much because that's a Jimmy Graham technique to remove one specific thing from your Twitter bio, hoping that that you'll get paid more money.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's uh fuck so stupid. Um all right, should we wrap up? We have guys on chicks,

Speaker 2 Hank. Hank is we're watching the the Celtics heat right now.
Hank is very Hank just did the travel motion very boisterously boisterously boisterous.

Speaker 2 Well, there's no sounds right. I couldn't tell if they called the gesticulating the travel or not.
Yeah, you're Italian. You're going crazy.

Speaker 2 Digging with your hands.

Speaker 6 PigCat, PFT, and Rhea's boyfriend. I keep having sex dreams about my best guy friend.
Not just a couple, but at least four times a week.

Speaker 6 It's getting so bad that I'm starting to wonder if I have actual feelings for him. Unfortunately, he has a girlfriend, so how do I get rid of these feelings? Serious inquiries only.
Thank you.

Speaker 2 I'm going to just go out on a limb and say you have feelings for him.

Speaker 2 You have to sex them four times a week in your dreams? Imagine dreaming about anything four times a week. No.

Speaker 2 Night terrors.

Speaker 2 Maybe food? Yeah. Screaming night terrors four times a week, easily.

Speaker 2 But yeah, that's...

Speaker 2 Can you say this to to women? Like, yo, bro, just go jerk off. Yeah.
I think she's just got to go jerk off. You got to jerk off before you go to bed.
Take the bullets out of the gun. Yeah.

Speaker 2 But that might make her more horny.

Speaker 2 That's a problem. I don't know.
Yeah, women misorgas forever. Of the female clitoris is that you never know what's going to heat it up or cool it down.
We're talking multiples now.

Speaker 6 It's getting so bad that I'm starting to wonder if I have actual feelings for him. I think.
You do. Yeah.

Speaker 2 100%

Speaker 2 you do.

Speaker 2 That's like dreaming of winning the lottery and being like, I'm starting to to think I'd really enjoy winning the lottery.

Speaker 2 I think you just, yeah, it sounds like you should just tell them, hey, we should fuck so I could figure out if I want to fuck you or not.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Just to find out.
Oh, he's got a girlfriend. Yeah, but just to find out.
Well, then you could daydream herself.

Speaker 2 Hey, maybe we should fuck to find out whether or not we should be fucking.

Speaker 2 Tell the girlfriend

Speaker 2 that you need to do it. Right.
Be like, no, tell the girlfriend. Be like, do you want your boyfriend to keep cheating on you in my sleep? Or we could just do it with your permission.

Speaker 2 There you go. Or you could go like real passive-aggressive and tell your boyfriend, hey,

Speaker 2 what would you say if I got mad at you for dreaming about fucking one of your female friends? And then see how he reacts. Yes, yes.
That won't make him suspicious.

Speaker 6 Speaking of night terrors,

Speaker 6 hey, Barso guys, I recently got married and my husband has vicious night terrors. He wakes up almost daily in the night screaming so loud but has no idea.

Speaker 6 And the next morning, I'm afraid to go to sleep. What do I do?

Speaker 2 Hmm. Jerk off before you go to bed? Yeah.

Speaker 2 I need to do a sleep study. I want to do a sleep study on myself because I sleep, walk, and talk.
What are you looking at, Billy? 3 Chi. 3 Chi.
Yeah, there you go.

Speaker 2 Before you go to sleep, knock it out with the melatonin. That's bad stuff.
Yeah, put them.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's tough. Maybe go to sleep with a weapon.
Go to sleep with a gun in your hand.

Speaker 2 A loaded gun. Here's what you do.
Just for safety. Right before bed, be like, hey, I want to get a little kinky with it.
Put a blindfold on him. And then handcuff him to the bed.
Every night.

Speaker 2 And then he's going to get real horny. And then you're like, okay, good night.
Yeah. And then guys are just so dumb, they won't realize you're doing that every night.
You can do it on repeat. Yeah.

Speaker 2 He's like, oh, tonight's the night that I'm going to get my dick sucked while I'm blindfolded and strapped up to the bed like I'm a prisoner in Alcatraz. Yeah.
All right, next.

Speaker 6 Sup, lads, what makes sex hardcore?

Speaker 2 The penetration. Whoa.
Choking, slapping? The viewing the penetration.

Speaker 2 So, I don't know.

Speaker 2 What do you think, Hank? Billy, what do you think makes sex hardcore? What's hardcore sex in your mind? Parkour. Parkour.
Okay, word association.

Speaker 2 I think, yeah, it's whenever, what's that guy's name?

Speaker 2 James Dean. That's hardcore.

Speaker 6 Johnny Sins.

Speaker 2 Johnny Sins. Yeah, that's hardcore.
That's all I know. That's hardcore sex.
My mind just went to figuring out the difference between hardcore porn and softcore porn.

Speaker 2 Yeah, no, I think hardcore sex is if you're.

Speaker 6 Softcore doesn't show penetration.

Speaker 2 Yeah, right.

Speaker 2 If the guy can make it through the first Charlie horse, that's hardcore. Anything past the first Charlie horse,

Speaker 2 that's hardcore. I would say longer than five minutes of continual penetration is hardcore.
That's crazy.

Speaker 2 Can you imagine?

Speaker 2 Couldn't be me. It's a marathon.

Speaker 6 Sup, boys. Two weeks ago, I went on vacation with my boyfriend's family, and while I was using the outdoor shower, the shower of the door blew open.

Speaker 6 I didn't notice at first because I was washing my hair, but when I finally opened my eyes,

Speaker 6 I caught my boyfriend's dad staring at me while I was in the shower.

Speaker 2 I've seen this before. We fucked.

Speaker 6 I quickly grabbed a towel, but he definitely saw me naked. We avoid each other for the rest of the trip, and I kept the incident to myself.
I haven't told my boyfriend, do you think I should?

Speaker 6 I feel like it might make things extremely awkward. Thanks.
Love the show.

Speaker 2 No!

Speaker 2 You know what?

Speaker 2 If it's an outdoor shower and he's a dad, he was probably just admiring. Definitely love outdoor shower.

Speaker 2 Yeah, the plumbing that goes into it and like the craftsmanship of constructing a quality outdoor shower. He's probably just like looking at the spigot.
He's like, I'm better than that.

Speaker 2 I'm seeing how the wood deals with the water. Is that like a 3/8

Speaker 2 washer on there? No, what you need to do is knowing that he's a dad and he loves outdoor showers, you got to just look at him in the outdoor shower and then be like, even.

Speaker 2 Never speak about it again. Then fuck.
No, but do never speak of that again. Do you? The last person you should mention it to is your boyfriend.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 If anything, mention it to your boyfriend's mom and be like,

Speaker 2 I saw your husband jerking it to me earlier and see what happens there. But do not, do not talk about this to anyone, especially a podcast.

Speaker 2 Everyone's thinking, like, I got a lake house. My dad's kind of horny.
He always stands right outside the outdoor shower.

Speaker 2 By the way, outdoor showers, that is, you know, some people dream of additions that they make to their house. Like, I know you've talked about putting in a full basketball court

Speaker 2 once you get insanely rich.

Speaker 2 I just want an outdoor shower. Yeah.
They are the absolute best. I don't care if it's wintertime, if it's snowing outside, if it's hot outside, you can't beat an outdoor shower.

Speaker 6 I don't think you can run the plumbing when it's cold.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you leave it on a drip.

Speaker 2 The only problem is that solves everything. You wrap a blanket in it.
You wrap a blanket in it. You wrap a blanket and then you leave it on a drip.
Yeah, right. And then your plumbing never changes.

Speaker 2 The problem with outdoor showers, I feel like everyone who's ever had an outdoor shower, they always cheap out on the soap in the outdoor shower. It's never good soap.
It's like, well, it's outdoor.

Speaker 2 Like, it's a fucking, it's like...

Speaker 2 PERT. Yeah.
My dad uses PERT. Yeah, or it's like dish soap.

Speaker 2 They're outdoors, they don't care. It's like dial,

Speaker 2 or it's the liquid stuff, palm olive, or like the old Irish spring bars that last forever. If you're lucky, it's been there since like 1984.
Yeah, it's like

Speaker 2 it's the size of a tooth, and you're trying to get it underneath your armpit and scrub around. You're right, you're right.

Speaker 2 They do cheap out, but I would have like a luxurious outdoor shower that has, you know what?

Speaker 2 I might even fuck around and put like the hotel thing that has the dispenser that goes into the oh, I like that. Yeah, I like that.
Yeah, this is my dream. Yeah, I don't have to

Speaker 2 mouthwash, like at the gym. That would be nice.
Uh-huh. And then shot a mouthwash every morning.

Speaker 2 No, no, no. They have the, you know, at the gym, sometimes they'll have the soap dispensers up at this, at the sink where there's a little, there's a little cup, and you can get it.

Speaker 6 Oh, I thought you were saying a mouthwash.

Speaker 2 Have I been drinking soap?

Speaker 6 Like, you know, like,

Speaker 2 I'm pretty sure I've been drinking mouthwash. Yeah, it's either mouthwash or the stuff that they put combs in at the barbershop.
Yeah, that stuff's delicious. What is that stuff? Barbasol.

Speaker 2 That always looks...

Speaker 2 That's like Chernobyl stuff. I've never tasted it in my life, but I can guarantee you it's got more electrolytes and Gatorade.
I was like, that guy's Mr.

Speaker 6 Peanut on the bottle, but it's just not. No.

Speaker 2 Oh,

Speaker 6 the green.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you also have the talcum powder. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's a quick way to smell like a six-year-old white dude.

Speaker 6 All right, this one's gross. Hello, Barcelona.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year, and he has one weird thing.

Speaker 6 Whenever we do the nasty, he makes me swallow his load. He tells me science has proved it will strengthen my immune system and increase our intimacy.

Speaker 2 I want to believe him, but I also hate swallowing his little soldiers.

Speaker 6 It tastes like warm ranch.

Speaker 2 Yeah, don't do that.

Speaker 6 This is becoming more and more of a deal-breaker for me. I don't think I should keep doing it and suck it up, literally.

Speaker 6 Or if I should find a different guy who will treat me in my throat with more respect and less sperm.

Speaker 2 Yeah, a guy that demands that you can swallow it. Yeah, no, just make out with him immediately afterwards.

Speaker 2 And then spit on him. Yeah.
Yeah, no, that's fucked up. You need to stand up for yourself.
Also, don't buy any of that pseudoscience. Billy, your job for friday is find pseudoscience anti that

Speaker 9 actually i have some okay go give it to us so there's like a study that says that by swallowing sperm your autoimmune response like the female's autoimmune immune response to killing the sperm actually gets lessened by the more exposure so it actually makes you more easily pregnant because the female body doesn't kill the sperm.

Speaker 2 Ah, okay. Okay, I don't think that's true.
That's right.

Speaker 6 No, you get pregnant from the mouth.

Speaker 2 Because you can't no, no, no, but like

Speaker 2 it's not in the mouth. But if you got it, if you swallow it and you keep it down, it's down in there.
Yeah,

Speaker 2 it's through. What if you swallow it so hard that it goes straight to your pussy? This is actually a thing.

Speaker 2 What if you drink so much of it that you pee it out so fast that the sperm is still alive when you pee it out?

Speaker 10 No, no, no.

Speaker 9 It's like you build up a tolerance for it, so then when it's actually for the baby making, it's how much do you have to

Speaker 6 drink? How many gallons per

Speaker 2 Billy gets questions? He's like, no, no, no. This is study.
This is actually something I read. It's like, okay, well.
It's like,

Speaker 2 that doesn't get it.

Speaker 10 Because then the immune system doesn't kill it when it's down there.

Speaker 2 God, who did this study?

Speaker 2 I read it. Okay, Billy read it somewhere.

Speaker 2 Yeah, Billy, you managed to actually strengthen that bad argument by making a worse argument on the other side. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I mean, it's pretty easy to debunk. Or you can just do, I've read that if you drink like a lot of pineapple juice, it tastes a lot better.

Speaker 2 So what you need to do is before you blow him next time, you need to chug a shitload of dull. Yeah.
And then his sperm will taste great. Yes.

Speaker 6 Hi, my boyfriend and I have been dating for five years, and he still won't let me touch his butt or anywhere relatively close to his butthole. Is this a red flag or something? I should just get over.

Speaker 2 No, he probably doesn't wipe correctly.

Speaker 6 Probably has no ass.

Speaker 6 People can be self-conscious about that.

Speaker 2 You need to get him some dude wipes. Yeah.
I didn't mean that ass.

Speaker 6 I've heard that if you have no ass and someone goes to squeeze it and there's nothing there, it's really embarrassing.

Speaker 2 Oh, really?

Speaker 2 I just want to. I read that.

Speaker 2 That was a study. Yeah, I read that as a study.
You're going to come up short.

Speaker 2 The butt's always

Speaker 2 goes through you. It's always been a bridge.
No, yeah,

Speaker 6 you're going to end up grabbing your own hand.

Speaker 2 It slides off like you're using a claw machine, and there's no stuffed animal there. It just scrapes the bottom.
Correct.

Speaker 2 Last one?

Speaker 6 Sure, last one. Hey, Big Cat, Tennessee Titans Kicker, PFT, Annoying Hank, and Animal Lover, Billy.

Speaker 6 My boyfriend and I recently adopted a puppy. Why are you shaking your head, Billy?

Speaker 2 I'm nodding. Super exciting.

Speaker 2 Animal fingerer.

Speaker 2 He doesn't love them. He has feelings of lust.

Speaker 2 You were the best sex last night with a toad.

Speaker 6 Frogs, dude. Frogs, sorry.

Speaker 6 My boyfriend and I recently adopted a puppy. Super exciting.
But my boyfriend is starting to become a dog.

Speaker 6 First, it was cute when he was playing with them, barking back, and lying on his back for belly scratches. But now he's looking my face like our dog and joke sniffs our puppy's butt.

Speaker 2 This is getting to be too much.

Speaker 6 Also, yesterday I found a shit in our yard that is about half the size of our puppy, so I know the puppy didn't do it.

Speaker 2 Should I be worried? He's turning into a dog. That's so cute.
Well, you need to treat him like a dog. Yeah, your dog needs a friend.
Leash him up. That's great.
The joke sniff in the butt.

Speaker 2 Make him drink out of a bowl.

Speaker 6 Yikes. Oh, wait, last one.
Stop belly football. I'm having trouble raising my chickens.
Got about eight of them. Maybe you can give me tips on how to raise cars.

Speaker 2 All right, tell us while we pick a ping-pong ball. Go ahead, Billy.

Speaker 2 62. What have you learned while growing raising chickens? 28.
One.

Speaker 2 18. 8.
1. 28.
28. 35.
1. Take care of of your chickens.
Take care of your mentals. What do I say to you?

Speaker 10 If you crush up oyster shells and put them in your chicken coop, it's actually really good for the egg shells.

Speaker 2 85. 85.
85. Hold that bitch.

Speaker 2 What just fell out of the ceiling? There's like something.

Speaker 2 Something white just fell out of the ceiling.

Speaker 2 Come.

Speaker 2 Is somebody jerking it on the third floor? Maybe. In the crawl space? Do we have a leaf? All right.
We'll see everyone on Friday. Love you guys.
God damn it, Pete.

Speaker 2 Don't kill away.

Speaker 2 The I don't love what

Speaker 2 to say, I've said any word.

Speaker 2 Today is a holiday to find you. Shy away.

Speaker 2 I'm all coming for your love of me.

Speaker 2 Shy away.

Speaker 2 I'm all coming for your love of me.

Speaker 2 Even to say

Speaker 2 what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 But being so loud,

Speaker 2 selling them in the mind is okay.

Speaker 2 Say unto me.

Speaker 2 It's the better to be safe than something

Speaker 2 Say unto me

Speaker 2 It's the better to be safe than something

Speaker 2 You are the things I've got to remember.

Speaker 2 You're shy and away.

Speaker 2 I'll be coming for you anyway.

Speaker 2 You're shy and away.

Speaker 2 I'll be coming for you anyway.

Speaker 2 Come

Speaker 2 on me.

Speaker 2 for

Speaker 2 me fire

Speaker 2 in your

Speaker 2 head

Speaker 2 only

Speaker 2 I'm in your

Speaker 2 all

Speaker 2 here.

Speaker 2 Take on me.

Speaker 2 It's pardon my tip presented by Bar Stool Sports.