NFL Week 1, Recap Of Every Game, Fastest 2 Minutes, Plus Deion Sanders

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Speaker 4 On today's part of my take, NFL week, motherfucking one. We're back.

Speaker 4 We are are so fucking back we have so much football to recap feel it love it it is so so good it was incredible I forgot the experience of just having my eyes feel like they're gonna fall out of my socket I've watched football for 12 straight hours we're back we're gonna recap every single game every single game so your team's gonna get talked about maybe not in the way you want it to be but they will be talked about find another show that does that we have uh deion sanders for 20 minutes talking about what were the big takeaways from week one.

Speaker 4 We have Football Guy of the Week. We have who's back of the week.
And of course, we're going to start with the fastest two minutes.

Speaker 6 Before we do all of that, part of my take is brought to you by when cool creamy ranch meets tangy bold buffalo, the whole is greater than the sum of its sauce.

Speaker 6 Say howdy, partner, to new Buffalo Ranch sauce only at McDonald's for a limited time.

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Speaker 4 Okay, let's go.

Speaker 4 Now in the street there is violence

Speaker 4 And then I love some work to be done

Speaker 4 No place to hang a low washing

Speaker 4 And then I can't name all on the sun Oh no, we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue

Speaker 4 And then we'll take it higher

Speaker 4 Oh, we're gonna rock down to electric out. It's part of my tape.
Presented by

Speaker 7 school sports.

Speaker 5 Welcome to Part of My Tape, presented by the Cash App.

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You get $10 for free, $10 to the ASPCA. Today is Monday, September 14th.

Speaker 4 And we have week one.

Speaker 4 One.

Speaker 4 Week one.

Speaker 4 Football is back.

Speaker 4 We start in Hotlanta, and you're going to want to Carlos hide your kids, hide your wife, because Mr. Unlimited is in town talking to you, future.

Speaker 4 Matt Ryan Rossillo got quite an arm workout today, throwing 54 passes, and Calvin Cooley Ridley wasn't so silent with two touchdowns at 130 yards. Surprise, surprise.

Speaker 4 DK Metcalf ran a straight line as the crow flies to pay dirt in this bird fight.

Speaker 4 Good thing Dan Quinn was wearing a mask because Skeet Carroll dropped a load on the dirty birds in a touching tribute to Jamal Anderson. Seahawks 38, Falcons 25.
What?

Speaker 4 What? Whoop!

Speaker 4 In western New York, Frank Al Gore took his giant balls onto his private jet and landed in the L column.

Speaker 4 Everyone in the Josh Pit as Mosh Allen let the bodies hit the floor, running for 57 yards in a touchdown.

Speaker 4 The Jets offense looked terrible, but the one one guy they couldn't de-platform is Jameson Steven Crowder, who had

Speaker 4 115 yards and a touchdown. Hey, T.
Yaboom. First time all year.

Speaker 4 No one circles the wagons like the Buffalo Bills. Bills 27, Jets 17.

Speaker 4 We go west to Detroit, where David Fontgomery was a great ball courier and acted like a Times New Roman swipe, helping the Bears finish after a full 60 minutes of pounding.

Speaker 4 DeAndre Taylor Swift said, someday I'll be dropping a game-winning TD, and all these hands will ever be is beat.

Speaker 4 Jamie Cuties Collins acted very inappropriate for his age, and the videos of the incident have no place on American television. The Bears are back.
27, Lions 23.

Speaker 4 Some spread.

Speaker 4 Sticking in the NFC North, Aaron Rodgers and Matt LaFleur are hashtag fringles, but they should be hashtag throws before pros. After putting up 43 points.

Speaker 4 Bissy bisdemeaner Johnson tried to work it, but the entire Vikings offense would have liked to flip it and reverse it when it came to the scoreboard. You lost it, cousin's Thielen.

Speaker 4 Oh, that cousin's the land.

Speaker 4 You've lost that cousin's thealin. Now it's gone, gone, gone.
Oh, and one, and one, and one, oh, and one. PAX is 43.
The Vikings 34. What? What? What?

Speaker 4 In Foxborough, the New Look Patriots served up a bowl of New England cam chowder as Krill Belichick and James Great White game planned like a bunch of Japanese fishermen looking for two of fish, but slaughtered a bunch of dolphins instead.

Speaker 4 Ryan Fishpatrick was flopping around and Miles Gaskin Robbins played like 31 flavors of crap as the dolphins fall to the patch. 21-11.
What?

Speaker 4 Fumble!

Speaker 4 Gow 95 to Washington. Some call me Redskins.
Some call me Warriors. Some call me Red Wolves.
That's not my name. That's not my name.
That's not my name.

Speaker 4 The Eagles came out hot, but their play was Spotify in the second half as Joe Logan Thomas and the team put a three-hour long back-and-forth on tape until Carson Winch eventually tapped out from too many body blows.

Speaker 4 Like a Phoenix Suns hotel room, the Eagles were exposed to eight sacks. The Washington football team, 27.
Eagles, 17.

Speaker 4 In Jacksonville, where Gardner Min shooter McGavin continues his quest for a gold jacket, Colts' wide receivers Paris and Hilton were out of focus and might as well have been picking up phone calls when they were trying to score.

Speaker 4 Stop me if you heard this before, Tege. But Phillip Rivers was down late in the fourth quarter, needing a score, and Marlon's man Mac had to watch from the front row.
The Colts fall short to do

Speaker 4 all 27-20. What? What?

Speaker 4 Standing on the corner, Jameis Winson down in Nola. Such a fine sight to see.
It's TB-12, my lord, looking like a beat-up Ford. Maybe time to mix in a strawberry.
The wide-ass hamstrings loosey.

Speaker 4 He's throwing hands like Bruce

Speaker 4 Lee.

Speaker 4 Hey, Mike, Chris Evans, you're getting guarded like you're a pussy.

Speaker 4 The Saints go marching 34-23 out west where Kyle Juicy, Jay Jusek, and Jimmy Guapolo got caught in the trap as Kenyon anti-lock drakes made for a smooth driving experience for the upstart Cardinals.

Speaker 4 All the talk around the league this week was about Odell Beckham and Pooh Pooh, but it was PP Patrick Peterson that came up with a big play, making the Cardinals look like they're number one.

Speaker 4 The 49ers may have to clip Kingsbury of ball after this disappointing loss to start the season. Cardinals 24, Niners 20.

Speaker 4 We finish in Tinseltown where Coach Mike Jenny McCarthy looked like an anti-daxer refusing to take shots downfield. Jared Hasselgoff, that's a joke, Teach.
You get it?

Speaker 4 Jerry Jones might be needing his own lifeguard of his own after this loss. The Cowboys go down to opening night 2017.

Speaker 4 All right. Week one,

Speaker 4 Sunday. in the books.
Holy shit. Football is all the way back.
It felt normal.

Speaker 5 it felt normal i know the fans it's weird but it once the once the ball got kicked off and once everyone turned on red zone and they're like seven hours of commercial free football it felt normal right and that's what's great about football is that there aren't that many shots of the stands so you can suspend disbelief you can be like we're fine everything's good i was a little rusty at first because Dealing with my new cable service, I didn't know what channel the red zone package was on.

Speaker 5 I had a hard time this morning. I had to sit down for my TV.
I made sure to sit down 30 minutes early, early, get all my ducks in a row, get my computer streams pulled up.

Speaker 5 You do not want to miss a single second of the action. I had a great time today.
Fuck yes, football is back. And we've got two games.

Speaker 5 We've got the Sergio Dip game tomorrow, the bonus game tomorrow night.

Speaker 4 So we're not even done. They should always have two Monday night games.

Speaker 5 Football is just not going to stop this year.

Speaker 4 No, they should always have two Monday night games. All right, so we're going to go through every single game.
If this is, if you're new to the podcast, this is how we do our Monday football Mondays.

Speaker 4 We're going to go through the entire schedule, talk about each game. I'll say it.
We're the only podcast that does that. Maybe there's others, but we're the only one.

Speaker 4 We're going to say some things about your team. You're probably going to be upset sometimes.
You'll probably be happy other times, but it's Football Monday.

Speaker 4 We're going to have a great time, and we're going to start. So we're going to start with Sunday night, and then we'll go back to the one o'clocks.
Sunday night football, fast turf, Cowboys, Rams.

Speaker 4 Rams win.

Speaker 4 The fucking turf is a fraud. Let's just get that out of the way.

Speaker 5 I'm not so sure that it is. I think the turf is.

Speaker 4 It did look fast. It is the fast turf.
It did look fast.

Speaker 5 It's turf on turf.

Speaker 4 Mike McCarthy, you dumb fat fuck. Wow.

Speaker 5 Okay, we're going right in that. Yeah, I'm going to say it.

Speaker 4 I'm going to go right into it.

Speaker 5 He is dumb and he is fat, but I don't think that he has sex.

Speaker 5 He's a dumb fat virgin.

Speaker 4 I actually don't hate.

Speaker 4 I will never say don't be aggressive because I think most, for the most part in the NFL, there's too many coaches that are conservative and being aggressive in situations is always.

Speaker 4 I'm always for it, but I don't understand.

Speaker 4 Like you have Dak Prescott, you drafted CeeDee Lamb. I get, you know, as you can go, it's great, but you have Amari Cooper.
You're third and sixth. If you're going to go for it on fourth,

Speaker 4 throw the ball on third. You'll probably get it because you've been throwing the ball all night.
You've been getting chunk plays.

Speaker 4 And then also, when you have fourth down, don't have a route that is a yard short.

Speaker 5 Yeah, that's football one-on-one. He's been out of the league for a couple of years.
There was no preseason. So for Mike McCarthy, the one bonus for Mike McCarthy is he is not Jason Garrett.

Speaker 5 So he just, he's sat, he sits on the sideline. He looks like he's in bad health.
He never claps. And he always looks pissed off.
And he looks competent at times.

Speaker 5 So he is the opposite of Jason Garrett in every way. So it was a little shocking seeing that on the sidelines.
I don't think that this is that bad of a loss for the Cowboys. They're on the road.

Speaker 5 I think the Rams. It's also so good.

Speaker 4 The Rams are going to be very good.

Speaker 5 I think the Rams are going to be... pretty good this year.

Speaker 4 What does being on the road have to do with it? Yeah, the road has nothing to do with it anymore. But this is

Speaker 5 travel.

Speaker 4 This is a big thing. But you see, this is exactly the Cowboys from last year where it's like, like, oh, everyone's talking about how great you are.
Your offense is unbelievable.

Speaker 4 And then you just, you know, shit down your leg when you need it. And, oh, yeah, you lost a game that you could have won.
And I'm not taking anything away from the Rams.

Speaker 4 They look great in the uniforms. I love those helmets.
Jared Goff needs an asterisk on his one interception. Should not count.
That was hands to the face.

Speaker 5 I'm also going to throw a flag on you saying that the new Rams uniforms are awesome. Oh, I like them.

Speaker 4 The gray ones? I like them.

Speaker 5 They just look like they're dirty.

Speaker 4 I like their helmets. I like their helmets.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I'm okay with the helmets. I really like it.
I like the gray uniforms. It's like, come on.

Speaker 5 You look like the Padres on the road in 1992. Which is a great uniform.

Speaker 4 Yeah, it's a very good thing. Which they actually brought those back.

Speaker 4 They wear them now.

Speaker 5 It's an okay uniform. But yeah,

Speaker 5 I don't think it was that bad of a loss. I thought that the Rams,

Speaker 4 I think they're going to be a good team. Hold on, time out, time out.
It's preseason for everyone. We have, like, the whole...

Speaker 4 fun of the Cowboys losing is you have to be like, that's the worst loss ever. I think I'm just.
And Jerry has to get and stand in a hallway and

Speaker 4 not say that he's going to fire Mike McCarthy after one game, but at least imply it so then we can talk about it all.

Speaker 5 I think that I'm numb to the Cowboys because they're just destined to be the world's best 8-8 team every single year. Right.

Speaker 5 And sometimes they'll make the playoffs going 8-8, and then we'll be like, well, maybe this is the actual time they put it together. But I think that this is, it's classic Cowboys.
Jerry Jones,

Speaker 5 before the game,

Speaker 5 trying to locate his heart so that he could put his hand over it was very funny. And then they showed Stan Cranky, who, by the way, is not Stan Cranky anymore.
He's E. Stanley Cranky.

Speaker 4 Awesome two-page guy.

Speaker 5 Which is a great two-pack. Yeah, he's a great toupee guy.
And I think he was upset because

Speaker 5 he's the richest owner in the NFL, but nobody talks about him like he's the richest. So he's like, I have to come up with a name that sounds like I own a coal mine in the 1920s.

Speaker 5 So give me that first initial and then I'll put Stan Lee in there. Right.

Speaker 4 He went to war with the Rockefellers over who could control the railways. He's a baronet of the Vanderbilts.
Did he pay for his own stadium?

Speaker 5 No, he did not. This billionaire did not pay for his own fucking stadium.

Speaker 4 So I really do think, though, the Cowboys,

Speaker 4 you're right that if you're a Cowboy fan, you shouldn't freak out because this is going to sound stupid, but they only score 17 points, but their offense looked like it works. You know what I mean?

Speaker 4 There's times when... We'll get to the Bears, but they scored 27 points, and I'm like, that was hard.
That was hard to get.

Speaker 4 That didn't look pretty. Whereas the Cowboys made 17 points look pretty.

Speaker 5 Yes, they had a very good-looking 17 points.

Speaker 5 And this is like the classic mid-2000s Cowboys teams where they've got like three wide receivers who are all 6'2, 220 pounds, like big guys that can run really fast.

Speaker 5 And their offense is going to be fun to watch, but they're still going to find hilarious, interesting ways to lose these close games.

Speaker 4 Yes, who told Ezekiel Elliott that he should get that tattoo? The belly football tattoo? He said, Feed me.

Speaker 5 Yeah, feed me on your stomach. Yeah.

Speaker 4 I kind of like it. Cool.
Yeah. Cool tattoo.
I mean,

Speaker 4 that seemed to me like that was.

Speaker 4 Well, he unveiled it in in a loss, so that one sucks.

Speaker 5 Not great. And when he showed it after he got into the end zone,

Speaker 5 it looked like a six-year-old going pee at a urinal, where they like just where

Speaker 5 they lift their shirt all the way up to their nipples, and they're like, I'm peeing like a big boy.

Speaker 4 Yeah, so I don't know about that tattoo. I think that one was a misstep.

Speaker 4 I think when you put on a little weight in like 30 years, he retires. He's not going to play for another 30 years.
And he has a feed me and you're like at the beach. Yeah.

Speaker 4 And now it's not, like, it works when you have the feed or feed me tattoo and you have a borderline six-pack.

Speaker 4 Yeah, but when you let yourself go, it's not as it's not as funny because you know he's going to be like, I'm not fat.

Speaker 5 Right, but counterpoint, I think Zeke is a great fat guy name. I think it's going to work for him more in his old age when he's like 300 pounds.
He's like, oh, here comes Big Zeke.

Speaker 4 But you know he's going to be like, no, I'm not fat. Right.
He doesn't seem like that guy. He might just wear it, like going to be happy about it.

Speaker 5 He might just get a six-pack tattooed on his stomach. That would all be.
That was actually a pretty sick move.

Speaker 4 So congrats to the Rams. Again, we're not counting that Jared Goff interception.
Does not count. So everyone update your stats.

Speaker 5 A couple things about the turf out there.

Speaker 5 It is fast. It's sabermetrically proven to be fast.
The green zone is greener in L.A. I don't know if you noticed that, but the hue of green was, oh my God, it was sexual.

Speaker 4 Also, Alden Smith is back. I didn't realize that.

Speaker 4 After five years, that's crazy. Chris Collinsworth, maybe not using the best choice of words when he said Alden Smith's just trying to drink it all in.

Speaker 5 That's absolutely true.

Speaker 4 I don't think he just like, he didn't just connect that.

Speaker 5 He's trying not to bomb on his return.

Speaker 4 Yeah, whoops. But that's crazy.
Five years.

Speaker 5 Well, Jerry was like, I can't get Greg Hardy, so let me see if I can get it.

Speaker 4 He's already done that.

Speaker 4 Jerry could still get Greg Hardy. You think so? Yeah.

Speaker 5 I think Greg Hardy is having the time of his life kicking the shit out of people for a living.

Speaker 4 Or illegally kneeing people in the face. Yes.
That's that's the

Speaker 5 great time.

Speaker 4 I think Greg Hardy actually sucks now.

Speaker 5 Well, he because he loses by disqualification. Right, but his record is like one, seven, and one, and all of his losses are just from winning too hard.

Speaker 4 Yeah, from just being a total asshole and hitting someone when they're down. All right, so Rams, win column.
Next game, so we'll go in order. Just when I read it off ESPN, Seahawks, Falcons.

Speaker 4 God damn, it's the same old Falcons.

Speaker 5 Well, and also, Russell Wilson is.

Speaker 4 Oh, yeah, no, Russell Wilson.

Speaker 5 I'm calling it right now. Russell Wilson.
I don't care what he does for the rest of the year. He gets the MVP.

Speaker 4 Yeah, let Russ Cook worked because they had 38 dropbacks and 20 run plays. They're finally letting Russ Cook 31 for 35, four touchdowns.

Speaker 4 I think it's a, I don't understand QBR. No one does.

Speaker 4 Or no, passer rating. I'm sure it's a perfect passer rating.

Speaker 5 It's just some guy. It's like Nate Silver sitting in a soundproof room, and he just puts some decimals in there.
And in college, it can be higher than it is in the pros.

Speaker 5 But yeah, it was a perfect game.

Speaker 4 I should actually back up. He went 31 for 35 for 322 yards.
I think the way passer rating works is if he had gone 30 for 35, it would have been a perfect passer rating. Right.

Speaker 4 Because there is a point, whoever decided passer rating is such a mad scientist that there's like a diminishing returns where the more completions are like, well, that's too many completions.

Speaker 4 Now you get ding some points. Right.

Speaker 5 It's like, just chill out, dude.

Speaker 5 You're doing too much. Dan Quinn needs to chill out a little bit too because he's breaking into the Dan Quinn bag of tricks a little early after the game when they asked him about this game.

Speaker 5 He got into his like, I'm mad as hell and it hurts like hell and there's nothing worse and I'm going to do everything that I can to turn this damn team around. He dropped

Speaker 5 a lot of casual swear words that would be allowed on Stephen A. Smith's Twitter page right after the game, and that's how you know that Dan Quinn is starting to panic a little bit.

Speaker 4 Well, here's the question, which I never understand how this works, but you have a guy, Dan Quinn, who was on the hot seat all last year, fights for his job, wins his job.

Speaker 4 He starts week one back on the hot seat. You don't get off the hot seat.
It's not like you just hired a new guy and you're like, Dan Quinn, we love you, man.

Speaker 4 You got five years to turn this thing around. You're week one hot seat, so that's why he's going right back to his bag of tricks.

Speaker 4 He's basically starting the season midway through last season where he's fighting for his job week to week.

Speaker 5 Dan Quinn just might be the best second-half coach in the history of the NFL.

Speaker 4 Just enough to keep his job.

Speaker 5 Yeah, or just be an excellent interim head coach. Yeah.

Speaker 4 Wherever he goes.

Speaker 4 So when I say same old Falcons, they had 506 offensive yards and they were 0 for 4 in

Speaker 4 fourth down. And just like the few, the Falcons are the best team in the world to to put up stats and points and then always mess up the one or two game-changing winning plays.

Speaker 5 You know what it is? They're the Turbo Cowboys.

Speaker 4 Yeah. They're like a really good Cowboys team.

Speaker 5 They're everything that the Cowboys aspire to be, which also means that they lose harder than the Cowboys.

Speaker 5 So whereas the Cowboys will always finish like 8-8, The Falcons will be around 7-9, 6-10, but they'll put together a couple winning streaks here and there. But they are, yes, they're an awesome team.

Speaker 5 The Falcons are the best team in the NFL that sucks.

Speaker 4 I have a take because everyone loves the uh patrick mahomes no-look pass and oh my god patrick mahomes and that patrick mahomes is incredible i still for my money think that russell wilson doing the drop-in-the-bucket floater which he did to dk metcalf on fourth and five for a touchdown is the prettiest pass in football yeah and i don't care who catches that pass it's always doug baldwin yes yes yeah it is dk had some tylocket a little bit because they're he tyler lockett is doug baldwin right he's yeah he's the new doug baldwin they're the same but when dk caught that pass i was like that is a doug baldwin Baldwin catcher.

Speaker 5 Doug Baldwin's back.

Speaker 4 But it is the prettiest pass in all football. When he does that arc, it like scrapes the roof and drops right in a bucket, right in their hands.

Speaker 4 I love it.

Speaker 5 Do you see DK took one step to the side on that route? Yeah. He's learning.

Speaker 4 The robots are learning.

Speaker 5 It's like when Raptors in Jurassic Park figure out how to open doors. Watch out.
If DK figures out how to run anything but a nine route, the league's in trouble.

Speaker 4 Yeah, the Falcons are going to be.

Speaker 4 They're definitely in my tickler file for pinky teams. If they can get a couple wins, if they can get one win in the next two weeks, weeks, if they can go one and two.

Speaker 5 Were they your pinky team last year?

Speaker 4 Was it last year or the year before?

Speaker 5 I think it was last year, wasn't it? Yeah, it was last year. The year before it was the Texans.

Speaker 4 So the rule of the pinky team is that it has to be after week three, and it's got to be a team that had hopes of going to the playoffs and had a slow start.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I still think that the Falcons will be able to play.

Speaker 4 Yeah, but the Falcons didn't go to the playoffs last year. Wow, they've had hopes this year.
They had hopes. They had hopes.
Everyone has hopes. Because, hey,

Speaker 5 did you see the offense that they're going to be doing?

Speaker 4 They feel like a team that regressed.

Speaker 4 John can't be a team that regressed. 10 out of 11 of their offensive starters are first-round picks.
That doesn't mean anything.

Speaker 5 Todd Gurley. You don't know football.

Speaker 4 You don't know football. They scored.

Speaker 4 Yes.

Speaker 5 Listen, this guy over there. Julio Jones, 157 yards.
Calvin Ridley, 130 yards. Russell Gage, 114 yards.
That's the one who's not.

Speaker 4 He's the only non-first-round pick.

Speaker 5 Yeah. And he even got over 100 yards.
That's incredible.

Speaker 4 So

Speaker 5 he's played his way into being a first-round pick.

Speaker 4 Yes.

Speaker 4 All right. So next up, we have Jets Bills.

Speaker 4 The Jets fucking suck. I'm so sick of Adam Gase.
I'm so sick of the Sam Donald. I threw this out there on Twitter, and I actually, it was a lot of responses, but why

Speaker 4 we, we're Josh Allen guys. It might have started ironically, but we are truly Josh Allen guys.
I love watching him play. He's like, he goes full tilt all the time.

Speaker 4 Just everything he does is just full fucking tilt, which sometimes leads to fumbles, but whatever.

Speaker 4 Like, Twitter kills Josh Allen, and yet they think Sam Darnold is some prospect. And I get it.
The Jets have no offensive line. They have no weapons.

Speaker 4 But still, how can you say, like, how can you sit there and be like, Josh Allen is costing his team or Josh Allen is holding his team back, which is a take a lot of people throw out there and also be like, Sam Donald's going to be a franchise quarterback.

Speaker 4 Just you wait.

Speaker 5 Well, the reason why is because Twitter exists three years in the past.

Speaker 5 Everyone is stuck on Twitter defending things that they said three years ago at all times, which is why I love the website, which is why a lot of people think that Hillary Clinton is president on Earth 2.

Speaker 5 But in this case, I think that people are just hanging on to this one little theory that they had that Josh Allen would not be good in the NFL.

Speaker 5 And they had a theory that Sam Darnold would be good in the NFL. So they're busy fighting against ghosts of the present, and they're never going to be right, especially like during a pandemic.

Speaker 5 Are you going to trust a guy with Sam Darnold's immune system or a guy with Josh Allen's very robust immune system?

Speaker 4 Listen, you could tell me that there's something I'm just not seeing with Sam Darnold, but I just don't see it with Sam Darnold. And Josh Allen, yeah, sometimes it's a little raw.

Speaker 4 The fumbles were bad today, but he has all this fucking raw talent that's incredible. And it's starting to, you see it starting to come through where it's like getting more consistent.

Speaker 4 And I don't, it just baffles me that anyone,

Speaker 4 the thing that really baffles me is everyone makes fun of, or I'm not talking about everyone, but like draft Twitter and, you know, the

Speaker 4 draft. Living off their tastes in the past.
They make fun of Josh Allen because it's like, why would anyone fall in love with it?

Speaker 4 And then they fall in love love with Sam Darnold for the same fucking reason because he's a fucking tall white guy who went to USC.

Speaker 4 And he threw interceptions at USC.

Speaker 5 He's actually talking me into him right now.

Speaker 4 Is it just because he doesn't come on the show?

Speaker 5 That probably has a lot to do with it, yeah.

Speaker 4 Dude, I'm done with it. Listen, Sam Donald and Adam Gates are, they stink.

Speaker 5 The Jets are the Jets and will continue to be the Jets until they're no longer proven to be the Jets. That's just, they are, the Jets are never going to be good.

Speaker 4 Maybe I'm being harsh on Sam Darnold here. Maybe I should be more harsh on Adam Gace because I don't think Adam Gace actually practiced.
I don't think he held a practice in the offseason.

Speaker 4 The way the Jets started that game, I don't think they practiced.

Speaker 5 I think Gace is right up there for the first coach to be fired this year.

Speaker 4 Oh, he's

Speaker 4 in Matt Patricia.

Speaker 5 I could also see Adam Gace getting like two more head coaching jobs after this.

Speaker 4 We've said it before, but Adam Gace is the smartest man in the world because he put himself next to excellence in Peyton Manning, and everyone was like, whoa.

Speaker 4 Adam Gace must have had something to do with that.

Speaker 5 Well, a great thing that happened to Gace was last year when Sam Darnold went out sick with Mono for, what, like five, six weeks? Because

Speaker 5 you can't count last year of Sam Darnold's progression against Adam Gase. He gets this whole year.

Speaker 5 I wouldn't be surprised if Adam Gace went over to his house and made out with him. It was like, hey, I just gave you Mono.
Yeah. This is going to be good for both of us.

Speaker 4 I actually, and sometimes we'll say things on this show where you know that you're going to piss off. the fan base of that team.
I actually think most Jets fans probably agree with me right now. Yeah.

Speaker 4 They're sick of Adam Gates. They're definitely sick of Adam Gase.
They're probably borderline sick of Sam Dart. Like, they're probably still hoping, kind of like with me and Mitch.

Speaker 4 Like, you obviously hope for the best, and you know you invested in a guy. So you're hoping for the best.
But deep down in your head, you're saying, I don't know. I don't see it.

Speaker 4 Like, I just don't see it. He had 22 yards in the first half.
I swear to God, they didn't practice.

Speaker 5 Right. And what Adam Gace does so very well is he just, he doesn't get any good backup quarterbacks that people want to root for to see in the games.

Speaker 5 The only quarterback he got this year was Joe Flacco, who I think is paralyzed from like the shoulders down. He's there.
At least for the next two months. He's not even able to play yet.

Speaker 5 And so Gace is doing a very good job of being like, well, you know,

Speaker 5 I can't bench Darnold because I don't have anybody to put in for him. So I guess we'll have to ride this one out.

Speaker 5 And so it's what a lot of smart coaches do when they're just trying to keep their jobs.

Speaker 5 They pin all their hopes on like one guy, and then that one guy gets the blame if things don't go well.

Speaker 4 The Jets, I mean, the Jets are going to be, and we'll get to the Jags because everyone obviously thought the Jags were actively tanking.

Speaker 4 The Jets definitely have a chance chance to be one of the worst teams in the league this year. Also, playing the 49ers next week.

Speaker 5 Hats off to L'Avion Bell for getting all that money. Yeah.
Going to New York. And for some reason, like, New York is the media capital of the United States.
It's where all of us big city Jays live.

Speaker 5 And nobody really looks into L'Avion Bell not really being a difference maker up there right now. He's getting paid a shitload of money.
And I don't think he cares that much.

Speaker 5 And I probably don't care that much either.

Speaker 4 Well, everyone knew that at the time, too.

Speaker 4 Even Jets fans were like, we have way too much cap space. That's not a a good thing.

Speaker 4 We're just going to sign someone to sign someone, and it's not going to actually get us wins.

Speaker 5 Whatever happened to the Rams, because did the Rams ever get under the cap?

Speaker 5 They're just saying that. They're doing Bitcoin.

Speaker 4 Yeah. Crypto.

Speaker 5 They're in crypto for sure.

Speaker 4 All right. So, yeah,

Speaker 4 I'll soften my take on Sam Darnold slightly and lay more blame at Adam Gase's feet. I agree.

Speaker 4 bad coach.

Speaker 5 I'll put it this way. If Sam Darnold went to a new team, let's say Sam Darnold went to the Bears next year.

Speaker 4 You'd be like, I'd sell myself on him a second. You'd be like, he's a first-round.
Oh, my God. He's a tall.

Speaker 4 Did you watch the Rose Bowl? Yeah, dude.

Speaker 5 This guy can sling it in college.

Speaker 4 I know how biased I am.

Speaker 5 If Sam Donald goes to a new team, you'll talk yourself into him.

Speaker 5 If Adam Gase went to a new team, you'd be like, what the fuck is this team doing hiring Adam Gase?

Speaker 4 Yeah, no, Sam Darnold definitely has... He's not so bad.
He's not.

Speaker 4 And I still like Josh Rose, and I still wish someone would give him another chance, but he's not that.

Speaker 4 Sam Darnold will have either get the fifth year with the Jets or someone will give him another chance. And I'm okay with it because, again, his offensive line is trash.

Speaker 4 His weapons are trash, and his coach is an idiot. But still, I just don't understand how anyone would be like, Josh Allen's a joke and Sam Donald's a fucking up-and-coming guy.

Speaker 5 Adam Gace, man.

Speaker 4 Good for him. You know what?

Speaker 5 I'm always in favor of people getting money, and Adam Gace has gotten a lot of it just based off what, like, two years? Bail upwards.

Speaker 4 Yep, there you go. All right.
Bears, Lions. Lions.
The Bears are all the way back. Kind of.

Speaker 5 Listen,

Speaker 4 I know deep down that what I watched today was more about the Lions than it was about the Bears. Well, I don't know.

Speaker 5 Fantasy stud Mitchell Trubisky,

Speaker 5 he had more points than Patrick Mahomes and Deshaun Watson.

Speaker 4 Yes. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 4 Yes.

Speaker 4 He was three touchdowns, zero interceptions. He was six for six in 82 yards and two touchdowns in the fourth quarter, the last two drives when we needed a touchdown.

Speaker 4 I just know I'm not going to go crazy. Well, he's 11.
The Lions, Matt Patricia is unbelievable at blowing fourth quarter leads. Yeah.
Seven last year.

Speaker 4 And remember the last year, the week one, when they tied the Cardinals and they were up 24 to 6? That was an all-time.

Speaker 4 Essentially, just a repeat of that, except that they lost the game and like going for a 55-yard field goal, which was crazy. And of course, DeAndre Swift catches that ball.

Speaker 4 We're having a different conversation. Right.

Speaker 5 I mean, give credit to the Lions. They find out more heartbreaking ways to lose every single week.

Speaker 5 It's actually, on one hand, I feel bad for Lions fans because, I mean, you've gone through so much shit and the ways that they find to just blow it in the last second are endless.

Speaker 5 But on the other hand, they're very entertaining to watch them come up with these new creators. It's like art.

Speaker 4 There's a real saying in Detroit: same old Lions. Yeah.
The SOL. Like, that's actually something that Lions fans will say, will mutter to themselves, and you get it.

Speaker 4 Like, you get, I, our friend, uh, World of Isaac, had a tweet that was like, it was legitimately depressing. He was like, this team, it's unhealthy to root for them.

Speaker 4 Like, they, they caused me pain, heartache. Like, we, I deserve better.
I was like, damn, dude.

Speaker 4 It is true.

Speaker 5 It would be pretty hilarious if Adrian Peterson retired tomorrow.

Speaker 4 Dude, Adrian Peterson looked great. He did.
He looked good. He looked.
He's going to play forever. So

Speaker 4 I like that Matt Nagy still ran the ball.

Speaker 4 They committed a little bit more to the run. I understand.

Speaker 4 Mitch, the first three quarters,

Speaker 4 and he had clean pockets and he was just missing throws.

Speaker 4 Maybe it's just, maybe you just have to tell him that it's the fourth quarter right away and we're going to play up tempo. I still don't understand why the Bears aren't always going up tempo.

Speaker 5 How did the first 12 scripted plays go?

Speaker 4 Easily go play.

Speaker 5 Not good. That's a bad signal.

Speaker 4 Nope. They went three and out, and I want to say not good.
Yeah, so I don't know.

Speaker 4 I'm realistic. I know that there are big problems still.
All I'll say is, as a fan, all you want is to be able to keep the hope alive for as long as possible.

Speaker 4 We talk about it all the time, the In the Hunt graphic in December.

Speaker 4 So going 1-0 in that fashion was awesome, felt so good, and it keeps the hype. Like, next week, I'm legitimately excited to watch the Bears again.

Speaker 4 Whereas if they lose 23-6 to the Lions on week one, I'm like, holy fuck, this is the worst thing I've ever watched.

Speaker 5 Right. And, you know, we always say, like, if the season ended today, which is a real possibility this year, if the season,

Speaker 5 I'm just saying,

Speaker 5 more so than any other year, if the season did end today, the Bears, I think, would probably be first or second in the NFC.

Speaker 5 If we're going based off points scored as a tiebreaker, which we are in this discussion.

Speaker 4 Right. So congrats on your fourth quarter points scored.

Speaker 5 Fourth quarter points scored by the first one.

Speaker 4 My quarterbacks named Mitch Trabison.

Speaker 5 You are the number one seed by far.

Speaker 5 Did you see what Matt Patricia said after the game?

Speaker 5 They asked about his coaching.

Speaker 5 They should. And

Speaker 5 they asked him about blowing blowing these fourth quarter leads.

Speaker 5 And his response was, I think I've got one of the biggest plays in the fourth quarter in the history of the NFL where I think I did a pretty good job. So I don't think that it's my coaching.

Speaker 5 So he's talking about the Malcolm Butler interception.

Speaker 5 He's taking credit for the Malcolm Butler interception in the Super Bowl. 7-4.

Speaker 4 He's got the pedigree.

Speaker 5 He's got the pedigree.

Speaker 4 He was a defensive coordinator in that one.

Speaker 5 Yeah, he was.

Speaker 4 A defensive play.

Speaker 5 He single-handedly won the Super Bowl for Malcolm Brown.

Speaker 4 Matt Stafford deserves better. Lions fans deserve better.
Matt Stafford deserves better. But I'm not going to apologize for the Bears pulling one out of their ass today and keeping.
Club Dub was open.

Speaker 4 Club Dub was back up.

Speaker 5 They did it on the road again.

Speaker 4 Officially back up. Ryan Pace and Matt Nagy gave the entire team a new pair of Jordan 4s.
So we got some team chemistry going.

Speaker 5 Well, like it's a bowl game. Yeah.

Speaker 4 They go on the road they're going to be able to get. They're all in switches.
They're going to give you just the same.

Speaker 5 I can't think of anything worse for somebody to hand me when I'm already getting on a plane fully dressed than another pair of shoes.

Speaker 4 But this is what you have to do when you're trying to save your job. Matt Nagy and Ryan Pace know this is it.
So they're like, well, what can we do? And then everyone's

Speaker 5 shoes. Everyone's getting on the plane holding a shoebox.
There's no room in the overhead compartment. Then you just have to take a flight with a shoebox in your lap.

Speaker 4 The Bears are going to pay their players in Best Buy gift certificates and watches.

Speaker 5 Oh, yeah. Headphones too.
Yeah, headphones.

Speaker 4 Watches. And a gift certificate to Outback.
You guys are great.

Speaker 5 Shout out to Jamie Collins for getting kicked out of the game for head-butting a referee. Went full zip with NZ Don on it.

Speaker 4 Dude, that ref was so soft.

Speaker 5 The ref needs to stand his ground a little bit on that one. It was like...
like uh he initiated the contact

Speaker 5 have you ever like gone over to a house that has too frisky of a cat like a cat that comes to greet you and just bounces their head that's basically what collins did yes yeah just kind of try to nuzzle up in there

Speaker 4 um all right so mitch i'm back i mean i was already back in but i'm all the way back in guess what i'm all the way back in and also i i know there's probably new people out there but uh i had to do a psa i tweet with my heart not my head so when you think you got me, when I say the Bears fucking suck in the second quarter, they did suck then.

Speaker 4 And then when they're back, they're all the way back. Super Bowl, Super Bears.
Like, what do you want me to say? That's tweeting with my heart. That's being a fan.
Yes. All right.

Speaker 5 If you're the Lions, though,

Speaker 5 you never tweet out like the Lions are in. This is at Super Bowl.
No.

Speaker 4 Like, we got this.

Speaker 4 Because you are. Isaac was tweeting like, no,

Speaker 4 he tweeted that. Is that Super Bowl bound? Yeah.
It is.

Speaker 4 This is what you do if you're, and I kind of count the Bears and the Lions.

Speaker 4 We're like, there's a whole group of fan bases that what you have to do to get yourself through life and cope is kind of the false bravado.

Speaker 4 Enjoy the highs too much because you know the lows are coming and they're going to be abundant. I feel like even though recent years, Philly is in that category as well.

Speaker 4 Yes, especially like today, you see it. Yeah, you got to just get so over-the-top hyped about a win.
Like, I was so happy about this win, and I was so, like, I texted everyone.

Speaker 4 It's like, holy shit, dude, we're back.

Speaker 5 I know we're not back. Falcons are in that group, too.

Speaker 4 But I want to just say it. I want to say it.
Let me live. Let me say it.

Speaker 5 At least when the Lions lose, they lose hilariously. Yeah.
And in new creative ways that make you feel a little bit alive, as in, like, I can't believe this is happening to me.

Speaker 4 Same old Lions. Yeah.
Same old lions.

Speaker 5 You know, we talk about scoreigami. Yeah.
It's deplore a gami. It's the worst ways.
Oh, and but being creative with them. Yes.

Speaker 4 All right. Here's something that will bum me out.
The

Speaker 4 Packers kicked the shit out of the Vikings and Aaron Rodgers. I was very afraid of this.
I think he's going to go on the fuck you tour this year.

Speaker 4 It pretty much couldn't have worked out better for Aaron Rodgers today in the fact that he torched the Vikings and Mike McCarthy looked like a fat bumbling idiot on Sunday night football.

Speaker 5 He was definitely watching the game.

Speaker 4 Nice day for Aaron Rodgers.

Speaker 4 He looked very, very good. The Vikings defense has some big-time problems.
And Kirk Cousins, wow, it was, it's so funny when it's so transparent when a team's like, we have to do everything.

Speaker 4 I mean, the Bears do this all the time. Like, let's do everything to make sure our quarterback doesn't throw the ball.
Kirk Cousins threw the ball five times in the first half.

Speaker 5 And he would have thrown the ball four times, but they fucked up by mistake. So they ran the ball in that last drive of the first half.

Speaker 5 Before that last drive, he was two for four for 32 yards before halftime. That was their stat line.

Speaker 5 And then they tried to kill the clock with a running play, and they accidentally got like 17 yards off it.

Speaker 4 I love when that happens.

Speaker 5 And then they're like, I guess we better let Kirk try to throw. What's the worst thing he's going to do? Throw an interception at the 50 with five seconds left.

Speaker 5 He connected on, I think it was like a 25 or 30 yard pass.

Speaker 5 And then they ended up kicking a field goal, I think, to end the first half, which boosted his stats up to like three for five for 57 yards or something, something along those lines.

Speaker 5 But yeah, it was the perfect Kirk Cousins game because they were never, it never really felt like they were in it.

Speaker 5 But in the third and fourth quarter, Cousins got to go out there and throw a couple touchdowns.

Speaker 4 Well, they kept on scoring and then giving up touchdowns. The Vikings are going to,

Speaker 4 they're definitely going to miss digs, and that defense is young and not good. Like right now,

Speaker 4 obviously they have some guys injured coming back, and I trust in Mike Zimmer being a very good defensive head coach, but when you get torched like that, it felt like when we were watching Red Zone,

Speaker 4 the Packers would just go deep shot, deep shot, deep shot.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I mean, bad news for you is I think the Packers are going to be very good. Their defense stinks kind of, but Aaron Rodgers is pissed off.
I was really hoping this is the year that he sucks.

Speaker 5 Aaron's got those two moods, disengaged and then mad at everyone. And he seems to be in mad at everyone mood right now.
Right.

Speaker 8 Speaking of scoreigami and a palindrome. 4334 and a score gami.

Speaker 4 Whoa. Very cool.
Jake.

Speaker 4 Very cool.

Speaker 8 The 1055th unique final score in NFL history.

Speaker 5 We have to run out of these soon, right? How many numbers can there be in the universe?

Speaker 5 By the way, we shouldn't even be talking about numbers because when the Rockets got their butts whooped this weekend, I think that's the official nail in the coffin of combining numbers and sports.

Speaker 5 Daryl Maury, you're not allowed to talk about numbers. He should not be allowed to own a calculator.
You know how when you get convicted of a felony, you can't own a gun anymore? Yep.

Speaker 5 They should not let Daryl Maury operate a spreadsheet.

Speaker 4 Rayjon Rondo's brother being named William is also just the funniest wrinkle of that episode. Billy Rondo.
Yeah. Yeah.
When it's like a cool, interesting name, and then Bobby Roberts. Russell.

Speaker 4 Yeah, Russell was for the fighting with Rayjohn Rondo's brother, William.

Speaker 5 Larry Rondo.

Speaker 4 Bobby Rondo. Get the Rockets out of here.
They're done. Billy Rondo.
Get him out of here. James Harden is.
How could anyone be a James Harden fan anymore? Honestly.

Speaker 5 If you like numbers,

Speaker 4 if you

Speaker 4 don't have a lot of people,

Speaker 4 I think lefties, there's still some south paws out there that are like, they identify. Yeah.
But it's crazy.

Speaker 4 Like, Russ, I can still understand because Russ, he cares and his heart's in it, and he's going like balls to the wall, even if he's not very good anymore or not at that Russ, you know, MVP.

Speaker 4 Harden is just... You just know he's going to, in the playoffs, he's just going to loaf around, look fat, and not show up.

Speaker 5 It is pretty sick, though, when he does that thing where he dribbles between his legs 20 times in a row.

Speaker 4 Yes, and then shoots it and then passes it and then gets the ball back right away.

Speaker 5 Yeah, our shoots like a 35-footer.

Speaker 4 Was that not the most predictable thing ever, though? The Rockets like meekly going out of the playoffs? The gentleman sweep down by 20. I have a prediction all game.
Just like, yeah,

Speaker 5 we got to get out of here. For your Lakers, I think that the Lakers might go through the entire playoffs losing the first game and then gentlemen sweeping.

Speaker 4 We got to bet on them against, well, we'll get to the Nuggets or the Clippers. Game one.

Speaker 5 We got to bet against them remote remind us to do that um all right hey it's pft here reminding you that boars head makes game day entertaining elevated and effortless whether you order catering platters ahead from your local boars head retailer or you create your own spread at home with boars head premium deli meats and cheeses you are sure to impress your guests My favorites like oven gold turkey or blazing buffalo style chicken paired with their classic Vermont cheddar or creamy Munster cheese are sure to score big and help me elevate my entertainment every time whether it's for a tailgate or a home gating celebration.

Speaker 5 Seriously, guys, it's a game-changing flavor for every gathering. Boarshead, committed to craft since 1905.

Speaker 4 Okay, let's get back to the games. We have

Speaker 4 Patriots 21, Dolphins 11,

Speaker 4 Canary Cam. in the yellow tuxedo.

Speaker 5 He looked like Curious George's pimp.

Speaker 4 Yeah, he did.

Speaker 5 He looked like

Speaker 5 the mask, Jim Carrey from the mask getting on the Mayflower.

Speaker 4 Everyone should have seen that and been like, okay, well, Cam Newton's back because you don't wear that if you're not feeling 100% healthy and have a chance of losing.

Speaker 4 I was shocked with how much Cam ran the ball 15 times, and I'm very excited. You know it's coming, PFT.

Speaker 4 Someone in the media is going to say, well, Josh McDaniels did take Tim Tebow to the playoffs. So I think you just said it.
Yeah, I think someone's going to say it. I don't believe it.

Speaker 4 I don't believe it. I don't believe it.
But

Speaker 4 he didn't throw any passes, I think, on the outside.

Speaker 4 Ran Ran the ball 15 times. He's a lot better than Tim Tebow, a former MVP, but someone's going to say that.

Speaker 5 I mean, well, Cam didn't start over Tebow when he was at Florida. True.
So you tell me. Stole laptops.
Yeah, stole laptops. He got kicked out.
But Hank, did you say somebody suck me?

Speaker 5 Do you think that that's the line that the mask said?

Speaker 4 No, I was watching the little dickie show Dave this weekend, and he got in his show, he got dressed up in the yellow suit from the mask, and then like in the show, he's like, I got to go viral somehow.

Speaker 4 So he put on that suit and stood up and goes, Somebody suck me. Okay.
And then in the show, it goes viral. Blah, blah, blah.
Okay, gotcha.

Speaker 5 So, all right, that makes sense. Although, I was hoping that you thought that the mask said somebody suck me.

Speaker 5 That would have been a nice trick.

Speaker 4 Part we just didn't see.

Speaker 5 Cam had a great spike today.

Speaker 5 And it's actually got me becoming a spike truther because

Speaker 5 I think that there's something in the turf in New England that makes the balls bounce higher, which is why you saw Gronk dominate the spike. Don't tell me it's fast turf.
No, it's not.

Speaker 5 It's bouncy turf. I've already been hurt once.
It's bouncy turf. And then Cam goes in there and spikes it.
How high did it go?

Speaker 4 27 feet. Although there's a chance that that math is incorrect.
So, Hank, watching that game, Patriots are really, really good or the Dolphins suck? I think the Patriots are as good as they ever were.

Speaker 4 I think they're... Super Bowl.
Yeah, Super Bowl contenders. No reason why they won't win

Speaker 4 between 11 and 14 games. AFC championship.
Super Bowl contenders, barring injuries and such.

Speaker 4 I also, my big takeaway was I wanted to start taking the under because if Josh McDaniel is going to have Cam Newton run the ball, and Cam Newton is still,

Speaker 4 you know,

Speaker 4 all the injuries and everything that's happened,

Speaker 4 he's still probably the scariest guy to tackle. He's the biggest guy in the field.
He's insane.

Speaker 5 He's the biggest guy on the field. He's the size of defensive ends.

Speaker 4 When he goes through the way faster,

Speaker 4 how would anyone want to touch this? Yeah, it's insane.

Speaker 5 He did look 100% healthy today. Yeah.
In fact, I mean, the Patriots offense looked better with Cam Newton than it did with Tom Brady.

Speaker 4 But I am going to take the under because it feels like they're going to do a lot of ball control, play defense, run the ball, and yeah, give me the under.

Speaker 4 I don't know if they have like the weapons that like explosive offense, but they definitely have enough to win these games.

Speaker 5 They got Jules, which is nice. They're doing the thing where they run like seven different running backs.
They just get everybody a touchback there in the back.

Speaker 4 They're trying to make Nikhil Harry happen despite all his efforts to not make it happen.

Speaker 5 I think Nikhil Harry may have done the one thing that can get you you benched on the Patriots besides sleeping in. What did Gray do that one time? Yeah, what was his name?

Speaker 4 Gray.

Speaker 4 Jonas Gray. Jonas Gray

Speaker 4 showed up late to the bus. Sports Illustrated after scoring three touchdowns.
Four, I think. Four touchdowns.

Speaker 5 So the one thing besides sleeping in that will make Bill Belichick want to bench you.

Speaker 4 Well, and also Malcolm Butler for whatever reason.

Speaker 5 For, yeah, we're not going to talk about it.

Speaker 5 You can murder somebody, and Belichick will wait three days and be like, I don't know if we're going to bench him yet.

Speaker 5 But Nikhil Harry fumbled the ball in like the two-yard line and it went out of bounds for a touchback and Belichick fucking hates that.

Speaker 4 Still the worst rule in sports.

Speaker 5 Nah, I disagree. It's

Speaker 4 one thing.

Speaker 4 We've moved on from my hoop idea where they have mini hoops, but I really do think you should get to keep the ball, but you go back to the 25-yard line, you get first and goal from the 25 or whatever down it is.

Speaker 5 Because every rule out there benefits the defense. And there are special rules about controlling the ball in the end zone if you're on offense.

Speaker 5 Like all you have to do is just reach out and break break the plane. You don't need to get two feet in or anything like that.
So, everything favors the offense.

Speaker 5 So, why can't there be one weird end zone rule that favors the defense?

Speaker 4 It's just stupid that if you fumble out of bounds anywhere else on the field, it's just out of bounds.

Speaker 5 Yeah, but play is never over.

Speaker 4 I hate that rule. It's also an over-killer.
I like that.

Speaker 4 That's why you don't like it is because it kills the overs.

Speaker 5 I think maybe the reason I do like it is because everybody else hates it.

Speaker 4 Okay. So,

Speaker 4 I'm glad we're all putting our cards on the corner. We've gotten it out.

Speaker 4 Not great Fitzpatrick.

Speaker 4 Just put Tua in. Just put him in there.
I want to see Tua. Let Tua cook.
Fitzpatrick. We should TM that.

Speaker 5 Let Tua cook. Yeah.

Speaker 4 We should start tweeting that.

Speaker 5 I think that Fitzpatrick didn't even do anything fun and Fitzpatrick-y enough to make me want to see Tua.

Speaker 4 No, he didn't. He didn't.
He even had a chance to when they were driving late and he threw an interception.

Speaker 5 He scored a pretty cool two-point conversion.

Speaker 5 But it was only cool because nobody expects Fitzpatrick to be able to run. He didn't even do the thing where he picks the lightest defender and truck sticks him.
He loves doing that.

Speaker 5 He didn't even do that today. That's the one thing I want from him.

Speaker 4 Come on, Fitzy. If you're in there, do that.

Speaker 5 I'm sorry. I don't mean to be mean to you, Fitzy, because I love you.

Speaker 5 I don't even think you listen to the show, but I just want to put it out in the universe that I love you, Fitzy. But

Speaker 5 just do something stupid. Do something fun.

Speaker 4 We actually have to get him on the show.

Speaker 4 I have his number, yeah, from the from the Rubik's Cube.

Speaker 4 Wow. I didn't even, I mean, I've never, I think it would be weird to.

Speaker 4 That was one of those, you know, sometimes you'll get put on a text, but the other person doesn't really consent to it. Uh-huh.
That's what happened with that one.

Speaker 4 Where it's like, hey, we're linking you guys. And it's like, but he didn't really want to be on a text with you.
That's a text. So I've never texted him.

Speaker 5 That's a text that you can just ignore in perpetuity if you're that guy.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 5 Listen, I watched the Tua weird documentary/slash biopic slash

Speaker 5 sob story that they put out on Saturday night.

Speaker 4 What was the sob story then? That was Tua. That the house Saban got his family was only $2,000.
Well, they had $1,000.

Speaker 5 They had to pay taxes on the house that Sabin bought for them.

Speaker 5 It's pretty tough because it was a pretty sweet house. But I want Tua now.
Like, he got me hyped up for Tua this year. He's awesome.

Speaker 5 And he's going to look sweet in those candy-ass Miami Dolphins colors. He actually will make them less candy-ass because they'll just look sick.
They'll go from being candy-ass to being turbo.

Speaker 4 Also, Tua, low-key, fat ass. Yeah.
Real nice ass.

Speaker 5 Big time. Fitzy's got a fat ass, too, though.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 But it's like more like a dad fat ass. Yeah, it's a dad ass.

Speaker 5 Looks like he's wearing mom jeans.

Speaker 4 Yeah, he got that fat ass from washing all the cars every Saturday morning. Right.
Tua's just got a big one.

Speaker 5 Picking up his nine kids.

Speaker 4 Tua does the Instagram videos where he's just doing like a million squats with the leggings on.

Speaker 5 They should make a rule where they allow Tua's entire family to be the only people in the stands during games. So it'd be like basically what Kansas City had this year.
Yes, yes.

Speaker 4 It would be like 30%.

Speaker 4 All right. Next up.
The Washington football team with a huge win. Excuse me.

Speaker 5 The Washington football team.

Speaker 4 Riverboat Ron is officially back. We'll get to him for Football Guy of the Week.
But going for it, fourth and four, under six minutes, when he could kick a field goal, Riverboat Ron, baby.

Speaker 4 And the defensive line now, the Eagles had like no one on offensive line. Like Lane Johnson being out sucked.

Speaker 5 That was bad for them. I mean,

Speaker 5 the Eagles are also, that's like mid-season form for them, where they have all the, their starting running back was out, their left tackle was out. Now,

Speaker 5 I'm not going to ask for an apology. I'll accept one.
You don't have to give it, but I'm accepting it in your behalf because I told you that my Eagles pick was Bird Alert this week, right?

Speaker 5 I put them on Bird Alert. I'm going to do that for one bird team every week, I've decided.

Speaker 5 The Washington defense is fucking nasty.

Speaker 5 They are really, really good. And I think they had eight sacks on Carson Wentz.

Speaker 5 I didn't even know that was possible, but at some point, if you're Carson Wentz, maybe it's on you.

Speaker 4 Well, Carson Wentz.

Speaker 4 Carson Wentz is definitely good for like two or three spinning the wrong way sacks a game. Yeah.
Where he took that sack out of field to get him out of field goal range.

Speaker 4 That's a sack you take if you're this your second game in the NFL. You've been in the NFL for a long time, for a while now, Carson Wentz.

Speaker 4 You can't take a sack that gets you that far out of field goal range. I also, I was thinking about this.

Speaker 4 I'm so happy that Carson Wentz exists in Philadelphia under the circumstances that he exists because when the Eagles won the Super Bowl,

Speaker 4 They, you know, that was a franchise that was so passionate, that had been waiting so long for that big moment.

Speaker 4 And you always worry when a team wins something, when a franchise or a fan base wins like that, that they'll change who they are.

Speaker 4 But the fact that they did it with Nick Foles and then Nick Foles is out of town.

Speaker 4 So now they still have the quarterback who is technically on the team who won games that year, but they can still hate their quarterback. And their quarterback can still divide the city.

Speaker 4 Because if Carson Wentz had won that Super Bowl,

Speaker 4 you can't in the city of Philadelphia be like, Carson Wentz is a bum. Right.

Speaker 4 But it's so perfect that they won a Super Bowl and they still get to have quarterback conversations every fucking day in the fall about whether or not Carson Wentz is good.

Speaker 5 Yeah, like if Carson Wentz and Nick Foles walked into the same bar in Philadelphia, Nick Foles is getting all the drinks bought for them. Yes.

Speaker 4 And so the Philadelphia fan base getting to have a Super Bowl and still have a quarterback that they can be like,

Speaker 4 given how the game goes, they want to kill him or they love him.

Speaker 5 I just love it. Yeah.
I've noticed this about Carson Wentz. He's very bad at falling when he's getting tackled.

Speaker 4 Yes, he's a base. He's spinning out.
He spins the wrong way.

Speaker 5 Yeah, sometimes that, but also when he gets caught from behind, very awkward faller. Some quarterbacks are really good at falling.
Some aren't.

Speaker 5 Robert Griffin, I would say, is like the all-time worst falling quarterback ever where he'll dislocate a kneecap just taking a sash.

Speaker 4 Do you know who's actually really bad too? Teddy Bridgewater. Yeah.

Speaker 5 Every time he slides, I think he's going to pop his knee out. Yeah, me too.
Kyler Murray, good faller.

Speaker 4 Unbelievable slider. Great faller.
Russell Wilson, good slider.

Speaker 5 Very good slider. But yeah, Carson Wentz, when he falls, his limbs kind of splay out, and he always keeps the ball away from his body when he's falling down.

Speaker 5 So he gets a lot of fumbles when the ball is like an inch off the ground.

Speaker 4 He was not good. And

Speaker 4 it's especially cruel.

Speaker 4 The Lions had this, the Eagles had this, to start the season red hot in the first two quarters and then have it all fall apart because you have that brief moment where you're like, are we the best team in the world?

Speaker 4 Eagles fans were thinking that.

Speaker 5 Now, I might be severely overreacting to this because I think that the Eagles lost to the former R-Words when it was McNabb's first game on the team.

Speaker 5 Because, as we said, they always start out the season playing each other somehow. And then we overreacted and we're like, okay, I think that they're good, and I think the Eagles are bad.

Speaker 5 So this might be just a really shitty take on our part. The Eagles will probably end up being a pretty good team, but right now,

Speaker 5 the Washington football team, that defense, like,

Speaker 5 that's a very, very good defense.

Speaker 4 It's the Eagles' offensive line needs to get figured out because they, I mean, they had Lane Johnson going out. The minute that happened, it was like, okay, well, that's huge because he's,

Speaker 4 I mean, they just can't afford that.

Speaker 5 It's hilarious seeing the end zone in Washington now that says Washington football team, and then whatever the NFL, like, end racism sponsored by Verizon Wireless messages underneath. So much letter.

Speaker 5 But there's so much letter in the end zone. People are saying, like, the football team was coming up on some of the score bugs where it was just listing the logos or the mascots of each team.

Speaker 5 And then for Washington, it just said football team on it. I think it's great.
I've reached the point where I'm like, you know, we play football.

Speaker 5 We're not going to name our football team after some candy-ass bird. Like, we don't need a cartoon mascot telling us to cheer.
I cheer for a football team that plays football.

Speaker 4 Next week will be a real test against the Cardinals and Kyler Murray, who I'm now a full believer I'm done.

Speaker 4 We'll get to that. But yes, good start for the Washington football team.

Speaker 4 All right, next up,

Speaker 4 the Raiders and the Panthers. Teddy Bridgewater, I actually wrote it down.
Teddy Bridgewater, every single time he slides,

Speaker 4 I think he's going to, his knee socket's going to fall out.

Speaker 5 Which is weird because we never actually saw the video of his initial injury. But someone puked.
Someone puked. Confirmed.

Speaker 4 Everyone puked, I think.

Speaker 4 The Raiders, their running attack is awesome. Yes.
They have an awesome offensive line. Josh Jacobs had three touchdowns, but

Speaker 4 I think the Panthers are going to, I'm circling the Panthers as my scrappy underdog. They're going to be in every game team because Joe Brady's an awesome coach, what he did at LSU.

Speaker 4 And Teddy Bridgewater, like Teddy Bridgewater is not going to lose you games. So I'm circling the Panthers as a team that's going to be like,

Speaker 4 they're going to fuck someone up late in the season. And also like 10-point underdogs.

Speaker 5 And Matt Ruhl, he coached in the Big 12 so he can score. Yes.
That's all I know about Matt Rule. He does look very funny on the sidelines.

Speaker 5 Did you see his look today with the giant oversized sunglasses? Yes. He looked like Doug Marone if you just shrunk his body but kept his clothes the exact same size.

Speaker 4 They look like sunglasses that you'd buy for $15 at a gas station.

Speaker 5 Yeah, which I actually like on coaches.

Speaker 4 They break like two seconds after you pull out.

Speaker 5 Right. Like Cliff Kingsbury, I don't like his sidelines look where everything that he owns looks like it costs $500.
Agreed.

Speaker 5 Matt Rule got dressed on the way to the game that day, stopping in various rest stops.

Speaker 4 John Gruden had one of the worst visuals on the sideline ever. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 4 His hair was like blowing in the wind, and it just looked like he was bald.

Speaker 4 It was bad.

Speaker 5 It looked like he got run over by a lawnmower. Look at this.

Speaker 4 Oh my god.

Speaker 5 Yeah, it looked like somebody just took a weed whack off.

Speaker 4 Oh no, John Gruden.

Speaker 4 That's over, dude. Congrats.

Speaker 5 Congrats to Derek Carr, though. Derek Carr is just going to be living his life in one week spurts trying to make John Gruden not want to kill him.

Speaker 4 Well, good news. Next week's going to be fun because they open up the new Vegas Stadium Monday night football against the Saints.
Defense that looked very good today. Derek Carr is going to suck,

Speaker 4 and it's going to be awesome to watch John Gruden chew him out on Monday night Football.

Speaker 5 That's going to be great. Nathan Peterman.
But yeah, Mariota's hurt, right?

Speaker 4 Yeah, Mariota's hurt. No duh.

Speaker 5 Peterman is next in line, but all Derek Carr has to do is just not make John Gruden want to kill him. So he's going to play very conservative.

Speaker 4 Just audible the runs. Just hand the ball off.

Speaker 5 Just give the ball to Josh Jacobs.

Speaker 4 Yes.

Speaker 5 I guarantee you, Gruden will not bench you for handing the ball off too much. He will bench you if you throw a single interception.

Speaker 4 Yes. And this is also now they have

Speaker 4 a couple threats, deep threats. They have one of the best offensive lines in the NFL.

Speaker 4 I don't know if there's any, I think it's just, I'm pretty much just talking to David Carr right now, but this is as close to a perfect situation as you can get with an offensive-minded head coach.

Speaker 4 Like, this is it for Derek Carr. This is it.
This is the best situation because you know how we oftentimes do it with quarterbacks. We just did it with Sam Darnold.

Speaker 4 We were like, ah, well, the situation sucks. So, who knows if you could have everything right? I feel like this is just about as right as you can get.

Speaker 4 So, David Carr, if this doesn't work out for your brother, shut up.

Speaker 5 Yeah, you know, he is talking a lot.

Speaker 4 There's no real Derek Carr fans out there, are there?

Speaker 5 No, absolutely not.

Speaker 4 His kids. Are they? Yeah, you're right.

Speaker 5 I'm thinking back to Hard Knox last year.

Speaker 4 He just oils them up. What is it about Suntan lotion every day?

Speaker 5 It's something about Derek Carr more than it is about quarterbacks that just throw interceptions because what could it be that John Gruden keeps bringing back Nathan Peterman?

Speaker 5 Because he is the exact opposite of quarterback is what Gruden. I think it's like he's the one wild stallion that Gruden would would like to tame.
The one that throws all the interceptions.

Speaker 5 He's like, what if I could just make him change his ways?

Speaker 4 Yeah, Nathan Biederin also strikes me as not like, he's not boisterous.

Speaker 4 He's probably slightly beta, kind of just sits there and, you know, teacher's pet, like sit there and just take in the information, not really talk a lot.

Speaker 4 So that's probably got to bother Derek Carr because you have a guy who won't talk a lot just sitting there being like, I'm just here to do my job. Like, I'm just happy.
Thank God that I'm here.

Speaker 4 Like, actually, thank God. That's got to drive you nuts.

Speaker 5 Listen, I just, I consider myself lucky to go out there on Sundays and throw four interceptions in the first quarter.

Speaker 4 He was like, what the fuck? And you're right.

Speaker 5 Gruden probably can't be upset at a guy whose attitude is like that.

Speaker 5 Where if it was Carr, whose whole thing is like he wants to be that leader so very badly, that he will oil himself up and get eyelanter tattooed on his eyelashes, we're speculating.

Speaker 5 That like Gruden will get mad at that guy for making a mistake. But a guy who admits openly, like, hey, I'm in way over my head right now.
That's kind of lovable for me.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I'm just happy to be here.

Speaker 4 Like, if Gardner Minshew was the backup for the Raiders, it wouldn't work. No.
Because

Speaker 4 he'd be like, I'm going to have my shot soon. I'm the guy.
Nathan Peterman, every single morning when he pulls into the facility, he's shocked that his key card still works.

Speaker 4 He's just like, thank you so much.

Speaker 5 He's shocked that he wakes up in the morning.

Speaker 4 Yeah, he probably washes some dishes. Wow, this is awesome.
He probably washes some dishes at the facility just to chip in. Like, let me help out a little bit here.
I'll clean a couple toilets.

Speaker 4 All right. Colts, Jags.

Speaker 4 Phil,

Speaker 4 they really got to make the Colts games in the afternoon because it really, I thought it would be okay.

Speaker 4 But when he went down in the fourth quarter and it was during the true witching hour, it didn't feel the same because it was like half-focused.

Speaker 5 There was too much stuff going on.

Speaker 4 Yeah, you're right.

Speaker 5 In the afternoon games, when it's like him and then the Cardinals playing against somebody, and I don't know, maybe the Raiders losing to somebody else as your three options, then it's so much fun to watch, but it got swallowed up in the excitement of other quarterbacks doing the same thing.

Speaker 5 Right.

Speaker 4 So

Speaker 4 I think he had two interceptions and one was called back that was also very bad. But this is the Phil Rivers experience.
This is what you get. T.Y.
Hilton had some dropsies. And credit to the Jags,

Speaker 4 like, they are

Speaker 4 by every account tanking, almost actively tanking. And they win this game.
And Gardner Minshew was 19 for 20.

Speaker 4 19 for 20. He looked really good, too.
Jay Gruden, QB Whisper.

Speaker 5 I wrote down, I'm only going to do one thing that Gardner Minchie makes me want to do.

Speaker 5 And it's this week I wrote down, he makes me want to catch a squirrel with my bare teeth and then throw a Molotov cocktail at the moon.

Speaker 4 But he's starting to become a game manager, so I think you got to dial back what he wants you to do.

Speaker 5 But he still makes me. That's why I wrote one thing.
Yeah, okay.

Speaker 4 That's fair. That's one.
That's fair.

Speaker 5 That's totally fair. So that will be varying week to week.
But Philip Rivers, I don't want to exaggerate, so I'm just going to say what I truly say.

Speaker 4 No, exaggerate.

Speaker 5 He makes me believe in God.

Speaker 5 Philip Rivers makes me believe that God exists.

Speaker 4 I'm happy you didn't exaggerate.

Speaker 5 I'm not exaggerating because he's so perfect. I just love him so, so very deeply.
And seeing him on Sundays like this is just, it makes me feel alive inside. It gives sense to the world.

Speaker 5 Everything makes sense when Phillip Rivers is doing his Phillip Rivers fourth quarter thing. There are very few things in life that you can be absolutely certain of and set your watch to.

Speaker 5 And this Phillip Rivers struggling to win the game and then getting upset when he doesn't. It's just nice to have something that you can depend on.

Speaker 4 And he looks normal in the Colts uniform.

Speaker 4 Yes. Brady looked weird in the Bucs uniform.
I think it's a combination of the Chargers have blue in their color scheme, and he went to a blue team.

Speaker 4 And also, the Colts just always have big, tall, white, immobile quarterbacks. Right.
So it kind of works. I saw him and I was like, oh, that looks normal.
Phil Rivers is a Colt.

Speaker 5 What do you think Philip Rivers would do if he won a Super Bowl?

Speaker 5 I kind of don't think that he would like it.

Speaker 4 I mean, he wouldn't. Yeah, he's not going to, but

Speaker 4 he wouldn't win one. Right.
That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 5 Yeah, yeah. But if he did, I'm not so sure that he would really truly love it because he lives to get pissed off at stuff.
Yeah, it's true.

Speaker 5 And it's hard to get pissed off when you're king of the world.

Speaker 4 He would definitely retire and have like four more kids that night.

Speaker 5 And then come back like six years later.

Speaker 4 No, he's going to be a great. We're going to get a story about him 20 years being like the best high school football coach in North Carolina.

Speaker 5 Or like second best. Like he loses the state championship every single year.

Speaker 4 And he just loves it.

Speaker 4 Browns, Ravens.

Speaker 4 It doesn't seem like the Browns are going to be good again. Well,

Speaker 5 they are playing against the Ravens.

Speaker 4 The Ravens are very, very, very good. Mark Andrews is so good.
He made some catches. But yeah, the Ravens are really, really good.

Speaker 5 Silver lining, though, this is the exact opposite of how they started the season last year. They beat the Ravens in the first week last year.
Did they? Yeah. It was one of the first.

Speaker 4 The Browns have it won week once and so. Oh, that's right.
They lost the Titans.

Speaker 5 They lost to the Titans and then they beat the Ravens. Yeah.
But it was essentially the same Ravens team that they beat in week two. So maybe it'll be the opposite of last year.

Speaker 5 I do like Stefansky did in that first quarter when he tried the dumbest possible punt fake ever from their own, what, like, 15-yard line?

Speaker 4 So Browns. I mean, that's rugby's fault.

Speaker 5 Yeah, it is rugby's fault.

Speaker 4 The punter wasn't a rugby. But

Speaker 5 he would not have tried that. Because they saw Lamar Jackson do a rugby pass earlier in the quarter, and they're like, I'll see your rugby and I'll raise you rugby.

Speaker 5 But I kind of like the fact that he did it, even though it was dumb as shit and executed even worse than the idea.

Speaker 5 Because it was one of those, like, if you go to jail, you got to do something crazy and try to fight the biggest dude there on your first day.

Speaker 5 Stefanski's first week, he's like, Okay, we're going up against the Ravens, who are really good on special teams and a great team. So, I'm going to do the dumbest possible fucking thing.

Speaker 5 So, that way, every other week from now, when coaches are game planning for me, they're always like, This dude is liable to do something that's just insane as shit.

Speaker 4 Yeah, no, you're absolutely right. You just set it up where everyone's like, Whoa, we saw that on film.

Speaker 5 Yeah, you can't game plan for insane. Yes, yes, it's true.

Speaker 4 I'll do silver lining for Browns fans. They can run the football.
And if you can run the football, you'll at least be in some games. I mean, you played the Ravens.

Speaker 4 They're the best team, not named the Chiefs, in the AFC. That's very, very clear.

Speaker 4 I also...

Speaker 5 Wow, that was big of you.

Speaker 4 No, I've said that.

Speaker 5 You didn't even come close to the F-word.

Speaker 4 No, they're not. They're not this year.
I don't think they are this year. Although.

Speaker 5 You could be talked into it. Oh, yeah.
If they lose to the Titans, you will be talked into it.

Speaker 4 If the Ravens have a game game where they have to play from behind and their offense doesn't look like

Speaker 4 I'm not going to say the F-word,

Speaker 4 I'll say a different F-word. They're frontrunners.
Okay. They play with a, they're great with elite.
I would like to see them down late and see what it looks like. You know what I mean? Like down 14

Speaker 4 in the third quarter. Right.
The Chiefs have a totally different gear where the Chiefs are never out of a game.

Speaker 5 Right. They're backshotters.

Speaker 4 So that would be my only thing. But they're very, very, very good.
Harbaugh's, I mean, one of the best coaches in the NFL.

Speaker 4 Lamar Jackson, though, he is going to, by pure luck, someone is going to get him when he does the jump step back move. That's eventually someone's going to get him.

Speaker 5 You've got to try to hit where he was, not where he's going to be.

Speaker 4 Because that move makes everyone look so stupid. And I bet you someone's going to be like, I'm going to just sell out for that move and not even try to actually tackle him.

Speaker 4 And that will be quite a hit. Yes.

Speaker 4 Because he gets everyone on it.

Speaker 5 And also when he's running out of bounds and he just sticks the ball forward at the very end, his last step and a half out of bounds is very slow.

Speaker 5 I'm faster than Lamar Jackson in that step and a half between

Speaker 5 two yards away from the sideline and the sideline.

Speaker 4 So yeah, Lamar Jackson's awesome. The Ravens are awesome.
J.K. Dobbins is a...
sick addition to their team. They have like seven running backs.
Mark Andrews running everywhere. Hollywood Brown.

Speaker 4 They're good. They're very, very good.
But the Browns, don't get so down on yourself yet. If you lose on Thursday to the Bengals, time to panic.

Speaker 5 A lot can happen. If you're Odell Beckham, you have to come out and have a bigger game.

Speaker 5 After a week of people talking about you getting your chest shit on, you have to come out and have at least 50 yards.

Speaker 4 Yeah. Oh, and a special fuck you to your co-host on The Dozen on Sirius and also Tuesday and Thursday

Speaker 4 on YouTube and Twitter, Jeff D. Lowe, Browns fan, who

Speaker 4 10 to 6 muttered, or it was 10 to 6. The Browns just screwed said,

Speaker 4 This over is cruising.

Speaker 4 And

Speaker 4 they missed the extra point.

Speaker 5 That's a very Jeff D. Lowe word to use as well.

Speaker 4 They missed the extra point as cruising came out of his mouth.

Speaker 4 And

Speaker 4 you can't make those mistakes, week one. No.
You can't say an over is cruising.

Speaker 5 We didn't have a preseason. Gamblers didn't have a preseason game.
Brutal.

Speaker 4 Brutal. So he's on the hook for that one.
You owe me one, Jeff D. Lowe.
Chargers, Bengals.

Speaker 4 I have a question. So we'll talk about Joe Burrow, but did this game prove that Phillip Rivers is bad luck? Because the Bengals lost in a Chargers way.
That was a Chargers' loss. Yep.

Speaker 4 And Phil Rivers is no longer on the Chargers.

Speaker 5 I think so. I think we've established that just the Phillip Rivers-ness follows Phillip Rivers.

Speaker 4 Right. Like, if you said to me a week ago, the Chargers are going to get a pass interference call against them on a game-winning touchdown and then miss a 31-yarder in week one, you'd be like, yep.

Speaker 4 And that's already happened, hasn't it?

Speaker 5 That's a very Chargers' way to lose. That's completely different from a Lions' way to lose.

Speaker 5 A Lion's way to lose is you have the touchdown already and either by force of Roger Goodell or the laws of physics, it gets taken away from you.

Speaker 5 The Chargers, they always lose on strange technicalities. Right.
And so, yeah, it was a reversal, and then Randy Bullock went out there, missed the 31-yard fight. 31-yarder.

Speaker 5 I have a take about kickers. I think that the preseason, well, no, the whole lack of fans, I think, is going to affect kickers more than it's going to affect anybody else.
Right.

Speaker 5 Because sometimes kickers pick one person in the crowd to try to hit the ball at.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 5 Like, kickers not having those preseason reps, I think it affects them way more often than having like actual under pressure kicks. There were a lot of miskicks.
Yeah, a lot of miskicks today.

Speaker 4 Randy Bullock also faked an injury, I assume. Which I'm always, I'm always a fan of that move.
If you have something embarrassing happening, wait, hold on.

Speaker 4 I just put this in my hand.

Speaker 4 This literally was sitting right here. Are you kidding me? The key?

Speaker 5 So Billy Football handcuffed himself. He found a pair of handcuffs.
And what's the first thing that you do when you find a pair of handcuffs? You see if they work by putting them around your wrist.

Speaker 5 Billy didn't realize they were real handcuffs. So he's just stuck in these for about

Speaker 4 two hours. I just started playing with this with my hands like that.

Speaker 4 Dude, this was sitting right here.

Speaker 4 Billy had to... cut his way out of handcuffs.
No.

Speaker 4 Thank you for not telling me you had those.

Speaker 5 Billy didn't cut. Billy just broke the handcuffs to get out.
Dude, I didn't.

Speaker 4 This was sitting on my desk. I just started playing with it.
We can go back and watch. Okay, it's whatever.
I'm glad you... You mad at me?

Speaker 4 I'm glad that you enjoyed watching me struggle out of those handcuffs. Billy, this,

Speaker 4 we'll find the clip of the moment that I started just playing with this. I didn't pull it out of my pocket.
Who sees handcuffs and just handcuffs himself?

Speaker 4 No, I did not think there'd be real handcuffs on the table. I'm sorry, what was I talking about? Oh, the Randy Bullock.
I'm always a fan of a player who fucks up and then immediately fakes an injury.

Speaker 4 Yeah, I think it's the greatest move you can make as a professional athlete.

Speaker 5 And especially as a kicker, he had the best instincts ever because the second the ball left his foot, he just grabbed down towards like his mid-shin. Yes.

Speaker 4 He's like, oh,

Speaker 5 I think I pulled my tibia.

Speaker 4 There's something here, Doc. Yeah.

Speaker 5 I'd love to see pro football doc try to analyze what that injury was. He's going to be working for like 16 hours trying to figure out what's wrong with Randy Bullock.

Speaker 4 I bet you the,

Speaker 4 because I would imagine kickers don't have

Speaker 4 the actual friends? No, the team doctor.

Speaker 4 The team doctor doesn't look at a kicker. No, they've got

Speaker 5 like the water boy looks at a kicker. They've got a soccer trainer that has that wet Brazilian sponge in the bucket that they bring out.

Speaker 4 The team doctor's got way bigger things going on. So

Speaker 4 the ball boy came over and just looked at it, and Randy whispered to him. He's like, just milk this for a second.
Just like look at it. Like, I'm going to go down.

Speaker 4 Randy Bullock also, I hate to say this as someone who struggles with my weight, but when you make a mistake and you're fat, it's not funny anymore. You're just fat.

Speaker 5 You're just a fat kicker.

Speaker 4 It's not a funny fat kicker like the Georgia Tech Punter. Did you see that guy?

Speaker 5 Thick boy. Thick.

Speaker 4 He was like 280 pounds wearing shorts. That's funny because he didn't fuck up.
If he fucks up, now he's just fat.

Speaker 5 Randy Bullock is the thick boy, too. Also, just the name Randy is so perfect.

Speaker 5 If you hire anybody to do a job correctly and their name is Randy, you fucked up in the first place.

Speaker 5 This was such a shock for Joe Burrow, too, because going from Baton Rouge where every game felt like you had 90,000 people living and dying with every pass or every run that you made and then going to nobody in the stands in Cincinnati in Cincinnati, Ohio must have just been like completely bizarre world.

Speaker 5 But Joe played good especially in the second half. Yeah.
He played really good.

Speaker 4 Nice drive at the end.

Speaker 5 I guarantee you that if AJ Green went to LSU instead of Georgia and he did that little pushoff at the end, there's no chance that the refs calling for that in Death Valley because they are not going to walk out of Death Valley alive.

Speaker 5 So I think having no fans actually lets the refs get away with a lot more hanky-panky. True.

Speaker 4 True. That's a good point.

Speaker 5 No one likes to get booed.

Speaker 4 I will say the only criticism, it's not of Joe Burrow. It's

Speaker 4 of the coach Zach Taylor.

Speaker 5 Yep. By the way, he could coach in the NFL for seven years.
Yeah. And we'll say the Bengals coach Zach.
Tyler.

Speaker 4 Yeah, you could hear the confidence in my voice was at about 25% when I said his name.

Speaker 4 Seven seconds left on the 13-yard line. I know you have no timeouts, but Joe Burrow can, you can trust Joe Burrow that he'll give him one last shot.

Speaker 4 Seven seconds, you have enough time for one last shot. And Joe Burrow's the number one pick, and he's a smart guy.

Speaker 4 Like, let him take a chance there instead of playing it safe and trying to kick a field goal and having fat Randy show up.

Speaker 5 Fat Randy waddle out there and then tear his tibial plateau.

Speaker 4 Badass Randy. Yeah.

Speaker 5 God damn it, Randy.

Speaker 4 God, Randy.

Speaker 4 All right. Saints, Bucks.

Speaker 5 Is Randy short for anything?

Speaker 4 I think he got... Randall.
Randall Bullock. Randall.
Randall Bullock.

Speaker 4 I think he probably just, when he, I don't know what age you become aware of your name fully, but once he became aware of his name, he's like, I have no, I have to eat. I'm fat Randy.
It's actually.

Speaker 4 You can't be hot, Randy. And also hot Randy doesn't work.

Speaker 5 Also, Bullock is a good fat person's last name, Bullock.

Speaker 4 Yeah, Bullock. Bullock.
Yeah. It's very guttural.

Speaker 4 i'm randy bullock and i'm i'm an instagram model no that doesn't work like i just imagine second grade fat randy sitting there and they're like doing roll call and like randy bullock and he's ding i'm randy i might as well just start eating cheetos now i'm randy bullock and this is uh my diners dive-ins and drives episode about just different meat cutting stations at golden corral i'm randy bullock and johnny knox here's johnny knox will kicking me in the ball i'm randy i'm randy bullock and steve-o' is going to fire a t-shirt cannon filled with baked potatoes at my gut well i'm randy bullock

Speaker 4 We got a slow-mo camera. We're going to watch my fat ripple

Speaker 4 as they hit me with a sledgehammer in the stomach.

Speaker 5 I'm Randy Bullock, and I'm going to do a three-quarters gainer off this diving board into a kiddie pool full of gravy.

Speaker 4 They're not, they're not. I just want to make it clear: they're not laughing with me, they're laughing at me.

Speaker 4 Classic Randy, Randy, goddamn it, fat Randy.

Speaker 4 Saints box,

Speaker 4 Hank.

Speaker 4 Yes.

Speaker 5 How do you think your boy Tom Brady Brady looked?

Speaker 4 He looked pretty old. Hmm.
You use the O-word. It's the truth.
Did he look... I no longer have to, you know,

Speaker 5 mask my truth.

Speaker 4 Okay,

Speaker 4 let's do the exact same game happens last year.

Speaker 4 He's on the Patriots. They lose the exact same way, same stat line.
Hank. Offensive line stinks.
It does stink. He does have a really bad offensive fall.
It wasn't his fault.

Speaker 4 No, I mean, he's a good one. He had to throw the ball at Tickets.
Yeah,

Speaker 4 it's right. Right, you're asking me what I'd be saying.
I would be saying it wasn't his fault.

Speaker 5 It was the offensive line's fault. The pick six was a touching tribute to Jameis Winston, like seven yards behind the receiver.

Speaker 5 It was nice to see that coming from the Bucs, a little sense of like a throwback to last year. But yeah,

Speaker 5 he looked pretty old today.

Speaker 4 Well, it actually proved that Tom Brees. Drew Brees though, by the way.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 4 You're right.

Speaker 4 I am officially, Taysom Hill's the better quarterback there. Maybe even Jameis.
But Taysom Hill's electric.

Speaker 4 Drew Brees, he had one good deep ball, but I think they averaged four yards a play, which for Sean Payton, Drew Brees' offense, yikes.

Speaker 5 He figured out every single possible way to throw the ball within two yards of the line of scrimmage in the first half. Yes.

Speaker 4 So Tom Brady, I think, officially can convince America of anything because I thought all the Instagram pictures and everything that he posted in the offseason of him practicing with the Bucs, I said to myself, well, Tom Brady's basically been working with these guys non-stop.

Speaker 4 It's going to be that he knows the system. They know the system.
Everything's going to be great. I'm taking the box.

Speaker 4 Turns out that's not the case. Turns out running around in a field in Tampa is not the same as playing the New Orleans Saints in the Superdome with that defense.

Speaker 5 Also, shout out to Drew Brees. He broke another record.

Speaker 5 There can't be any more records left for Drew Brees

Speaker 5 to break.

Speaker 4 Are there?

Speaker 5 Like, Aaron Andrews had a football, and they're not even giving out the shitty paper plate awards that he got last year.

Speaker 5 It was just a football with a CVS receipt wrapped around it saying, you've had the most attempts of passes. Congrats, Rubries.
Your defense sucked for 10 years. Here's an award.

Speaker 4 At some point, he has to have the record for most records in the NFL, right? And I think that's what

Speaker 4 his brains will explode.

Speaker 5 He's in second place right now to Brett Farre. Yes.
He's coming up quickly.

Speaker 4 So

Speaker 4 Tom Brady didn't look great, but he also clearly isn't in tune with his wide receivers and offensive line. I don't know.
I mean, I don't really know.

Speaker 4 I did say before this game, I said, whatever's going to happen this game, the opposite's going to happen for us here.

Speaker 4 So under that circumstance, Tom Brady is going to look great for the rest of the year. Yeah, I'm just the overreaction.

Speaker 5 Right, absolutely. I'm just very glad that Tom Brady lost and that the Patriots won.
Like we talked about, I think it was last Friday.

Speaker 5 I needed some sort of opposite thing to happen with those two teams so that I could make a bold take on who made the right move, either leaving or moving on from Tom Brady.

Speaker 4 It's Aaron Rodgers, Mike McCarthy. We got friction going on.

Speaker 5 We have friction between those two franchises.

Speaker 5 What's up, Jake?

Speaker 8 I just command-f'ed the NFL individual records, and Breeze has 62 of them.

Speaker 4 And who has the most?

Speaker 8 I can do that research.

Speaker 4 Probably Sammy Ball.

Speaker 5 Sammy Baugh, probably for punts and interceptions.

Speaker 4 Favre has around 40.

Speaker 4 So, that might be. What about Peyton?

Speaker 4 46. Who? What about Brady?

Speaker 8 49. This is really good research.

Speaker 5 Look up Baug. Sammy Baugh.
How do you spell that? B-A-U-G-H.

Speaker 4 14. It's just not that many.

Speaker 4 Sorry.

Speaker 5 Look up Randy Bullock.

Speaker 4 Yeah, Fat Randy.

Speaker 4 Fat Randy.

Speaker 4 Yeah, so

Speaker 4 I don't think the Bucs are going to be as bad as they look today at times.

Speaker 5 They had a pretty hilarious weird play. A very, I don't know if it's a week one weird play, but

Speaker 5 they had a face mask on that Sanders touchdown. Yes.
And then the resulting kickoff, which was taken from the 50, they just kind of popped it up in the air.

Speaker 5 And the guy who wasn't supposed to run it back came over and grabbed, or tried to grab it, turned it over. And Bruce Arians is probably like,

Speaker 5 You're staying in New Orleans. You're not coming back with the team.

Speaker 4 Those are the plays that Tom Brady has to.

Speaker 4 What just happened?

Speaker 4 That's never happened to my team.

Speaker 4 He's not used to those type of things.

Speaker 5 Bruce is probably going to leave himself in New Orleans. Be like, I'm going to spend the night on Bourbon Street.

Speaker 4 Billy, as the number one Rob Grinkowski fan in the world, are you worried? I'm actually a little worried. He, one, he didn't run with the ball well.
Two, his blocking was subpar. He got blown back.

Speaker 4 He broke down the film? I was watching the game. How many plus plays did he have on blocking? Well, he got driven back a couple times.
Okay. So he was in the backfield a lot.

Speaker 4 He definitely, the weight loss is.

Speaker 5 What do you think he needs to do to fix that?

Speaker 4 I'm not sure.

Speaker 4 He's got to get his

Speaker 4 what are those pants called and get going. Zubus.
Zubu pants. We need you to be the Gronk film guy every single week.
I I will. So you can just watch the Bucks and just watch Gronk.

Speaker 5 I will. Did he do anything sweet today?

Speaker 4 No. Nothing sweet? That was kind of disappointing.
That's a bummer.

Speaker 5 Yeah. He's going to be bummed out about that.
Huge bummer.

Speaker 4 The Saints defense is awesome. It looks awesome.
And

Speaker 4 I don't know.

Speaker 5 I can't wait to go back.

Speaker 4 True Brees is going to just disappoint them in the playoffs.

Speaker 5 I can't wait to listen to all these takes that we have in six weeks and be like, wow. We nailed everything.

Speaker 4 Again. Yeah, duh.
All right. Last game is last game.
Cardinals, Niners.

Speaker 4 I'm on the Kyler Murray hype train. I'm officially, I wanted to see it once this year because I always am wary of the team that everyone talks about being like, oh my God, I'm picking the Cardinals.

Speaker 4 We had even

Speaker 4 this intern sitting in the gambling cave all day, like over my shoulder, just chit-chatting. And he was like, I love the Cardinals this year.
And they're my dark horse.

Speaker 4 And I was like, yeah, dude, you and everyone else. So that's not a dark horse.
But I'm still, I'm on the Kyler Murray type.

Speaker 5 He's fucking awesome. I'm not yet.
I'm leaning back in my chair and I'm waiting. I'm saying, Cardinals do something to impress me.

Speaker 5 I think Kyler Murray got shorter this offseason. He might have.
He looks shorter this year, harder to tackle. Yeah, that's true.
There's less of him to be hit, but yes, he's very fast.

Speaker 5 Yes, he's a good quarterback, but I don't still, I still don't think he's good yet.

Speaker 4 So,

Speaker 4 the two big takeaways I had from this game-well, three actually. Thank God Greg Kittle is not hurt.
Uh, I was very, very scared for him. He's a beast, built different.

Speaker 4 Brian Baldinger, do you think he has stopped coming from the Trent Williams block? No.

Speaker 5 Okay. He never will.

Speaker 5 He's going to be like Sting and just tantric nutting for the next 10 weeks.

Speaker 4 Yes. That's Jeff Schwartz is sitting there like, this is the greatest Diplo concert of all time.

Speaker 5 Yeah, it was an awesome hit. If I were the 49ers social media team, I would have done like the Quentin Nelson thing and added screams on it.
It was just like, it looked like he got shot out of a giant

Speaker 5 boomerang that Wiley Coyote would build for himself when he was lighting up rocket roller skates. He just went directly at this dude and laid him the fuck out.

Speaker 5 That's what Trenton Williams does probably like five, six times a year. And I don't want to talk about how he, how things ended in Washington because it makes me sad.
That's okay.

Speaker 5 When we should have gotten at least a first-round pick for him. But yeah, he is, he's probably the most fun left tackle to watch in the NFL right now.
Incredible.

Speaker 4 Incredible block.

Speaker 4 That's going to be, there's going to be a lot of Bicks, pens pointing at that, being like, look at this. Yeah, a lot of Tuesday.

Speaker 5 A lot of videos that are shot from a cell phone of someone's computer screen where you see like all the smudge marks and dirt and then a pin pointing at the screen, tapping on it, be like, I love this guy.

Speaker 5 I love this guy.

Speaker 4 Yes.

Speaker 4 And then my other big takeaway was:

Speaker 4 I don't want to just make this a Bash Houston show because we talked about the Rockets now, they have to blow that up.

Speaker 4 But Bill O'Brien, the reason why you don't trade DeAndre Hopkins, even if you hate him, even if you can't get along with him, even if you know you have to pay him, you don't want to pay him, the reason why you don't get rid of him is every time he has a good game, you get dragged because he had a career game.

Speaker 4 I think he had 14 catches for 151 yards, and everyone was like, Bill, reminder, Bill O'Brien's a fucking moron.

Speaker 4 So that, like, That should be reason enough to never let a guy like that go just because it's a constant reminder. Every time DeAndre Hopkins is going to do that, Khalil McEffect.

Speaker 4 Yes, Khalil McEffect. I mean, this is why Belichick is Belichick.
Whenever he lets someone go, he knows that they're on the other end, so he doesn't have to deal with that.

Speaker 4 You let DeAndre Hopkins go when he has years left, and every single game that he plays for the Cardinals that he does well, you're going to be called an idiot.

Speaker 5 How awesome do you think Larry Fitzgerald feels? That he knows that he doesn't have to go out there every Sunday and die and basically die so that they can lose by two points? Yes.

Speaker 5 Like now he's like, I got this dude next to me, and I'm going to chill out and let this guy go off.

Speaker 4 And his hair's off.

Speaker 5 And his hair kicks ass.

Speaker 5 He's got like a mohawk of dreads.

Speaker 4 It's incredible.

Speaker 5 I don't know how he did it. No, I could not pull that look off.

Speaker 4 Unless that's what all that money buys. Yeah.
Sick hair. Like that.
Damn it.

Speaker 4 Are we worried about the 49ers? No.

Speaker 4 I just did give him a problem last year.

Speaker 5 I'm worried about Jimmy Garoppolo.

Speaker 4 I'm worried about him.

Speaker 5 Jimmy, what's going on? What are you afraid of? Do you need to settle down? You can go to counseling. You can talk to somebody.
He's He's seeing ghosts.

Speaker 4 A little bit. A little bit.

Speaker 4 I noticed he looked uneasy at times in the pocket.

Speaker 5 I am also worried about Kyle Shanahan's hat. It's getting bigger.
It's bigger than it was last year.

Speaker 5 It looks like I'm pretty sure that Kyle is wearing the dad hats that MLB came out with that have the cargo shorts on the side.

Speaker 5 Because the girth on that dome, it looks like one of your pictures of Joe Buck. Yeah.
Just went it straight on on him.

Speaker 4 Good news for the 49ers is they get the Jets next week.

Speaker 5 That's the best medicine in the world.

Speaker 4 And we'll be like, damn, are the 49ers 49ers back? No, they played the Jets.

Speaker 4 Okay.

Speaker 4 That was great.

Speaker 5 I made one more note on this.

Speaker 5 This is an important note. There was too much red on the screen.
Yeah. Just too much.

Speaker 4 A lot of red. Chill out with the red.
A lot of red with those two. That was cool.

Speaker 5 I would smash my television.

Speaker 4 All right. Those were all the games.
That was fun. That was great.
Let's do Football Guy of the Week. Then we have Dion, then we'll wrap up with the couple

Speaker 4 who's back and Billy's list.

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Speaker 4 Football guy of the week. We have nominees.

Speaker 4 Actually, Jake, why don't you tell us the nominees? Why don't you go through it? We'll react. You did the research.
You get the shine.

Speaker 8 We're going to start off in Mississippi with Brennan Pugh. He's a high school coach who rented a lift to watch his team's game while in quarantine.

Speaker 5 Oh, now, was he sick?

Speaker 8 He was quarantining, so either contact tracing or him.

Speaker 4 This is the guy, fucking Revelle. Mm-hmm.

Speaker 4 What?

Speaker 8 He said,

Speaker 4 football guy. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 4 I saw that. Yeah, I was like, I saw that, and

Speaker 5 I got into it with Revelle because he tweeted football guy 30 seconds before I tweeted football guy.

Speaker 5 And I told him, this is not your content, Darren. And then he responded in some nonsensical fashion.
He's too busy collecting Abraham Lincoln's pubes.

Speaker 4 Drinking non-alcoholic pubs. Yeah, $81,000 via auction.

Speaker 5 For Abraham Lincoln's pubes.

Speaker 4 His hair.

Speaker 5 Darren tweeted out a picture of Abraham Lincoln's hair. I don't know what it is about this guy and collecting

Speaker 5 pieces of presidential hair with brain matter on them, but he's fucking like putting out Abraham Lincoln trading cards on Twitter on Sunday mornings, but I'm trying to get amped up for football season.

Speaker 4 Shout out to Darren Revelle though. I'm going to say something nice about Darren Revelle.

Speaker 4 On Friday, I was pleasantly surprised that he didn't put an HD 4K version of the Twin Towers coming down on his Twitter feed. Thank you, Darren.

Speaker 5 Thank you, Darren. Expected that out of you.

Speaker 5 What was the average ticket price on American Airlines that morning, Darren?

Speaker 4 I fully expected

Speaker 4 Darren Revelle to bum us all out like he did with JFK's assassination and HD

Speaker 4 at like 7.30 in the morning.

Speaker 5 But I do respect

Speaker 5 back to Brendan Pugh, the football coach.

Speaker 5 I like his resourcefulness that he went out there and rented a scissor lift. A cherry picker.
A cherry picker and went there. We're going to have...

Speaker 4 Scissor lift is.

Speaker 5 You can't say that anymore. Why?

Speaker 5 Scissoring. Okay.
It's hot, though.

Speaker 4 But you can't do it.

Speaker 5 Okay, I won't say the S-word.

Speaker 5 I do think that we're going to see a football coach at one point this year do like the lawn chair and balloons thing where he just ties a shitload of

Speaker 5 like birthday. Yeah, he goes up and just hovers above the football field

Speaker 5 so that he can watch.

Speaker 4 Hugh Freeze is so mad about this move. He's going to do it.

Speaker 8 Ron Rivera, probably the favorite in this week's contest, got a planned IV at halftime while fighting cancer in order to continue coaching and his debut with the Washington football team and following it up with an upset win.

Speaker 8 This is.

Speaker 4 You could have just said, hey, guys, you want to feel like a pussy this Monday morning? Ron Rivera's battling cancer and winning football games and getting IVs at halftime.

Speaker 4 You stubbed your toe and complained about it for a week. Yeah.
I mean,

Speaker 5 I'm telling you, this Washington football team, I don't know, it's all this crazy stuff going on at once. There's something going on there.

Speaker 8 Peter Agabi. the University of Charlotte 49ers linebacker for showing his excitement in insane fashion before kickoff to pump his team up.

Speaker 4 This is more of a visual, but this guy just, it was like the worm. It was like the worm on steroids.
Yes. He lost his mind.

Speaker 5 Like a dog rolling around in trash.

Speaker 4 It's like a street dance where they bounce on their back without using their arms or legs. Yeah.

Speaker 5 Was he crumping? Is that crumping?

Speaker 4 Yeah, crumping.

Speaker 4 Crimping. Crimp.

Speaker 5 We can't say that.

Speaker 4 Whoa, we can't. What's crimping? That's a gang shit.
Oh, what's the thing the chicks do with their hair?

Speaker 5 Blooding.

Speaker 4 Oh.

Speaker 4 No, what do they do with their hair?

Speaker 5 They cut their scalp so that they can.

Speaker 4 No, they create

Speaker 4 crimp. Crimp, yeah.

Speaker 4 Billy. You can't say that, Billy.
God damn it. Cancel Billy.

Speaker 4 All right, go ahead. Sorry.

Speaker 8 And then our final nominee, similar to Brennan Pugh, Denny Sheridan, a 71-year-old fan in Cincinnati who put up a ladder on top of his pickup truck in order to watch a high school football game.

Speaker 4 So good. So good.

Speaker 8 Interesting visual as well. Yes.
So, blog will be up, 9 a.m., and then we will tweet out for you guys, the AWLs, to pick who the Football Guy of the Week is.

Speaker 4 Thank you, Jake. That was great.
It's great to have Football Guy of the Week back. All these things are just.

Speaker 5 Makes me feel alive.

Speaker 4 It's so nice. It's so nice to just have this.
It's just so nice. We have this.
We've got two games.

Speaker 5 We've got two games. By the way.

Speaker 4 There should always be two games.

Speaker 5 If Mike Tomlin doesn't come out wearing a welding mask as his personal protective equipment, I'm going to be very upset.

Speaker 4 I forgot to mention, did you see in the pregame they were talking about Mike Zimmer has a tinted face mask, Andy Reed face mask, but he couldn't read the play cards, so he didn't wear it.

Speaker 5 He can't read the play cards anyway. Right.

Speaker 4 Yeah. But he looked like Donald Sterling's girlfriend.
Remember when she walked around?

Speaker 5 Yes, when she was hiding from the paparazzi? Yes.

Speaker 4 Yes. It was awesome, though.

Speaker 4 All right, let's get to Deion Sanders. We have Deion Sanders on for 20 minutes to talk about week one.

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Speaker 4 Okay, Deion Sanders.

Speaker 4 Okay, we now welcome on our good friend Deion Sanders. We're gonna have him on on Sunday nights for about 20 minutes.
Catch up on the NFL slate. Prime, good to talk to you.

Speaker 4 I want to start with what will probably be the big story coming out of Sunday.

Speaker 4 The Bucs losing to the Saints and Tom Brady maybe looking a little old. What was your takeaway from watching that game and how Brady and Breeze looked?

Speaker 10 I didn't think he looked old. I think they didn't execute.
I know what Brady demands from his receivers. I know what he likes from offense.

Speaker 10 And with the lack thereof, a running game. And remember when you were here, I told you those Saints corners, those two corners are really good.

Speaker 10 And Jenoris Jenkins paid dividends. I knew he would.

Speaker 10 They have two number one corners, man, and they made it hard on those receivers outside for the Bucs.

Speaker 4 Okay. And so a follow-up question, which I thought maybe he didn't look old, but I thought

Speaker 4 an interesting part of the game was the Bucs making mistakes that you never saw the Patriots make. And you probably played on teams that were,

Speaker 4 you know, buttoned up and didn't make the small mistakes. You probably played on teams that did make the small mistakes.

Speaker 4 How does that affect you as a player, especially one of the best players on the team, to maybe see those mental errors happen? We saw it on the kickoff.

Speaker 4 The mental errors happen that kind of deflate the locker room and deflate the

Speaker 4 momentum you're trying to get going.

Speaker 10 One thing about it, when you collect,

Speaker 10 what, 53, 50, or 60 men's in one room, it's going to be some stupidity that happens. I promise you, you're going to see some stupid stuff that happens.

Speaker 10 The thing that I'm alarmed at the most is, where was Gronk? Did any, have anybody seen Gronk?

Speaker 10 Can somebody find Gronk, please? Because there's no way you don't make him a viable asset to your offense, especially in game one.

Speaker 10 These guys can't deal with Gronk. He did a great job blocking, but you didn't bring Gronk back to be a darn blocker.
Put another lineman out there to do do that. Let Gronk be Gronk.

Speaker 5 And I noticed that almost right off the bat, they got into it with Mike Evans. And Mike Evans is a dude that he's gotten into fights against the Saints before.
That's kind of in his past.

Speaker 5 From your perspective

Speaker 5 as a defensive back, if there's a dude like that out there, are you thinking to yourself, like, I'm going to try to get under this guy's skin early and make him commit a dumb personal foul?

Speaker 10 Well, he was going against one of the pro bow type corner as well. And these guys have a personal battle.
They play each other twice a year.

Speaker 10 Anytime you play another person twice that's a caliber like Mike Evans, you got to try to get in it because you don't want him having the mental edge like, hey, man, I'm going to whoop you for the rest of your career twice a year, every year on the year.

Speaker 10 And that's the kind of battle that they have. I love it.

Speaker 10 It's respectful, but they go at it. Each and every game they play against each other, they go at it.

Speaker 5 It's always funny because those guys,

Speaker 5 they throw punches at each other while they're wearing helmets. And I always laugh when I see that.
Have you ever been hit like with a closed fist when you're wearing a helmet?

Speaker 4 It probably can't hurt. I have

Speaker 10 blows wearing a helmet. You see my hands?

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 10 You see the way these hands look? That means I'm putting them hands on some people.

Speaker 10 I'm pretty good with these things.

Speaker 5 Were you able to ever injure somebody just by punching them through their helmet?

Speaker 10 No, that don't. Because you're hitting the helmet.
You're going to break your hand on a face mask or something like that, unless you're real accurate up under the chin, Mayweather-like.

Speaker 4 Yeah. All right.
So the other big story, we're going to have Tom Brady's old team, Cam Newton, look good. Ran the ball 15 times, though.

Speaker 4 What was your takeaway from that game? And do you think, like, that can't be sustainable? It's good to see he's healthy.

Speaker 4 Running it 15 times means he's healthy, fully healthy for the first time in a long time. But if he's running it 15 times a game,

Speaker 4 that's a lot of times in the 16-game season.

Speaker 10 What I saw today, glaringly, was the defense, the Patriots' defense is not the defense of last year. And what I saw offensively, I love what they did with Cam.

Speaker 10 They allowed Cam to play the whole game between the hash marks. He barely threw the ball outside the hatch, barely took shots vertical.

Speaker 10 Cam played everything safe and sound right between the hash marks. And I love the great game plan.
That does not look nothing similar to the old Patriot offense.

Speaker 10 That's Cam Newton's offense that they're running. And I'm happy they made that adjustment for Cam.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I actually think with Cam Newton, he plays his best when he's having fun. And so you get him going by letting him run the ball.

Speaker 5 And by doing, you know, on fourth and one, when they had Tom Brady up there, they would just call that QB sneak over the center.

Speaker 5 With Cam, they were like, okay, we're going to snap it deep to you, let you get a running start, hit somebody, then you're going to start to be comfortable.

Speaker 5 Then, then maybe we can expand the passing game once you start playing with that sort of confidence. Did you see Cam start to come alive at the end of the game?

Speaker 10 Well, anytime you allow Cam, the RPOs, run past options, man, it's unbelievable. That's so tough.
You don't block the end. The end has to go with the back.
He got to stay out there for Cam.

Speaker 10 And Cam is just reading one. It's a one-guy read.
And they did.

Speaker 10 They executed it perfectly today cam was cam today that's what we wanted that's what we thrived on that's what's going to take this team to the next level but I pray to God that defense steps up even a little more they play good but not like we're accustomed to seeing them play right you and I uh straightened some stuff out last time that we talked you you are on the record as being an elite tackler so if you are faced with Cam Newton coming downhill at Deion Sanders a man who carries a hit stick in his pocket how are you taking out Cam Newton well most likely if I was playing against Cam, I'd probably be on the best receiver.

Speaker 4 That's what I was paid handsomely to do one-on-one.

Speaker 10 But if you want to take me off him to elevate my game even more so, I would try to just blow his kneecap out. That's what I would do.
Full speed.

Speaker 7 Let's go get it.

Speaker 4 All right. So what was your other biggest takeaway? Do you want to say that you were wrong about Mitch Trubisky if I say I was wrong about Baker Mayfield, at least for one week?

Speaker 10 First of all, that was a garbage game. That was a trash game.
Which one?

Speaker 10 That game that you just mentioned, Detroit versus Chicago.

Speaker 4 great game mr fourth quarter

Speaker 10 people who like scoring i'm a defensive guy i don't like all that scoring great game for mit trubiski you say i think it was a garbage game i think both teams tried to figure out who could out stink each other

Speaker 10 just like san diego i that that i i what's the quarterback name like

Speaker 10 tyrod taylor

Speaker 10 What does he break? I like Tyrod. I really do as a person, but I've never sat there and said, man, I can't wait to see Tyrod play today.

Speaker 4 Like,

Speaker 10 does he make them better? Why, why wait? Put the other guys in, like the Dolphins, man.

Speaker 4 Put the guy in. Yeah, that's

Speaker 10 why are we waiting with Fitzpatrick? Man, put Tua in the game. What are you waiting on?

Speaker 4 That's kind of already ain't nobody in the crowd.

Speaker 10 What, how worse can it be?

Speaker 4 That's true.

Speaker 5 That's what Fitzpatrick and Tarad do.

Speaker 5 They're like the perfect bridge quarterback while your rookie quarterback is learning a system for the first like three, four games.

Speaker 5 You put Tyrod in, and then you take him out, and then now your future's here. That's what Tarad's done for the last, what, like three and a half, four years.

Speaker 10 But you're not going to win.

Speaker 10 It's not like, it's not exciting.

Speaker 10 All the receivers are mad because they're not getting their numbers. They're not getting their stats.
Speaking of that, how's Baker doing?

Speaker 4 Okay, that was a bad game. The Ravens are really fucking good.
They're really, really fucking good.

Speaker 10 No, no, no. Don't just say the Ravens are good.
Can you say that guy that sits behind a center? Can you please say he's J.K.

Speaker 4 Dobbins? He's very good. I like J.K.
Dobbins. No, Lamar Jackson is very, very good.
Baker,

Speaker 4 Baker was not good. I don't, I mean, the Browns, I don't know why I believed.
Maybe, you know, that's a tough game to play.

Speaker 4 They're playing against the best team outside of the Kansas City Chiefs in the AFC, right? That's a tough game to start with.

Speaker 10 Not

Speaker 10 from what you guys said the other day. I tried to tell you that, but you didn't want to ride with me.
I had the horse and buggy all sitting over.

Speaker 10 You know, the big motorcycle with the little motorcycle seat on the side?

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 4 I was welcoming you to jump in there you didn't want to jump all right i'll hop in with you now can i hop in is that seat still there it's still there okay it's still there what what so so the uh

Speaker 4 the browns now play on thursday night and

Speaker 10 why why would we want to see them as a as a nation

Speaker 4 it's the uh

Speaker 4 it's a battle for ohio right yeah the idiot that put the basketball playoffs against the nfl ain't nobody care about basketball anymore right now seriously i had no idea that game was even being played.

Speaker 4 I was shocked when the Nuggets won. I was like, wait, five hours later, like, wait, the Nuggets won? That was crazy.

Speaker 10 Ain't nobody care. Who was an idiot that decided to go against the NFL in week one?

Speaker 4 I agree. I agree.
It's a lot of sports. There was hockey going on and everything.
All right. So what other big things did you notice? I mean, overall, did you think that the level of play was

Speaker 4 pretty good for no training camp?

Speaker 10 It was good. It was really good.
The level of play was really good. It wasn't a lot of this bad football.
It was some good football out there. I love the Bills.
I told you I love the Bills.

Speaker 10 I love what they bring to the table. I really think they're going to win that division.

Speaker 10 Shoot, Russell, last name Wilson. Did you see the fourth? Yes.
When you take a shot on fourth down, fourth and five, they took a shot for six. Oh my God, that was beautiful.

Speaker 10 He had the guy running a cross route on first down

Speaker 10 to get the first down, but he took the shot deep, man. I love it.
They're going to be tough to deal with.

Speaker 5 What about the Washington football team, Dion? I heard you speak a little disrespect on the Washington football team.

Speaker 5 You're very disrespectful. You're also disrespectful to the Eagles, to be fair.

Speaker 4 But the football team has.

Speaker 5 I also think that the football team has football players on defense. Eight sacks today.

Speaker 5 Am I going to hurt myself by getting my hopes up? Because

Speaker 5 I'm thinking seven, eight, and one minimum, maybe even eight and eight.

Speaker 4 So I've got very lofty expectations.

Speaker 10 No, stay right there.

Speaker 4 Seven, eight, and one. Stay right there.
That's where we're at.

Speaker 10 I told him about Philly and I told him why. I would not ride with Philly,

Speaker 10 unless you bring Foles back. I'm not riding with Philly, and you know why.

Speaker 4 Yep. And you see why.
Carson Wentz was very bad today.

Speaker 10 Sit back there and take eight sacks. Who sits back there and says, Hey, come sack me eight times?

Speaker 4 Yeah. Who does that? Yeah.
Go to the ball away.

Speaker 10 Now, I'm not going to even tell you the text, man. My phone is bouncing, man, right now with receivers.
Coding me.

Speaker 4 Coding me.

Speaker 4 All right, so, all right, I have one last question.

Speaker 4 Did you talk to Odell after today's game? Was it,

Speaker 4 did he say it was, it was similar to getting shit on your chest? Anything like that?

Speaker 4 I mean, it's got to be the same feeling.

Speaker 10 Hey, the kid wants to win, man, like, really bad. Like, it's frustrating when you constantly lose, and the kid wants to win.
That's all I will disclose.

Speaker 10 The kid really, really wants to win, and it hurts. Like, it really hurts.

Speaker 5 Yeah, maybe he's got to do something different. Maybe if he hasn't been getting his chest shit on, maybe now it's time to switch everything up.

Speaker 10 You know, they throw him the ball, you know, something like that.

Speaker 4 You know, that's true.

Speaker 10 Yeah, you know, accurately, something like that may help.

Speaker 4 One or the other, yeah. All right.
So, we're about to. So, Dion, thank you for joining us.
We're about to watch Cowboys Rams.

Speaker 4 I'm going to give you one last chance to say that the turf actually is, in fact, fast.

Speaker 10 Between you and I,

Speaker 10 Dave, I really think my picks are really going well right now. Because I don't know where we stand because, you know, so used to winning and everything.

Speaker 10 So I don't know where we stand, but I'm pretty sure my picks are really going well right now. Well, Dion, any pick that I lost, I think we both lost.

Speaker 4 Well, Dion has the old NFL network thing where he doesn't pick against the spread, he just picks winners. Yeah, and then one person gets like the top dog award.
Yeah, they're like,

Speaker 4 I went 90 and 5 on the season. I'm crazy.
I'm amazing at this. You win or you lose.

Speaker 4 Hey, give me a five-yard head start.

Speaker 10 Like, they don't race like that.

Speaker 4 They don't do that.

Speaker 5 All right. So, but, but you're on the record saying that the turf is not fast.
Is that what I'm hearing?

Speaker 4 Yeah, he doesn't think

Speaker 4 fast turf exists.

Speaker 5 You don't understand. It doesn't exist.

Speaker 4 People have done studies on this turf, Dion.

Speaker 5 They know the type of rubber pellets that exist in that turf. It's faster.

Speaker 10 I thought it was from tires, like old Goodyear tires.

Speaker 4 Yes. Yeah.

Speaker 5 From really fast tires. Yes.
From like race car tires.

Speaker 10 Why don't you put fast grass in your front yard then?

Speaker 4 I might. I might.
Just run laps back and forth and show off.

Speaker 10 You should do that. I think that'd be especially.
Why didn't you guys disclose that 40 that was run that I saw?

Speaker 4 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 4 Hey, Newsflash, Deion's faster than every blogger ever. Yeah.
Good job, Dan. I saw that one coming.

Speaker 10 Was he twisting?

Speaker 4 Did you see the running form, though, that he had?

Speaker 10 How can you guys not give me that tape before?

Speaker 4 That's not fair. You got to teach us how to run, okay?

Speaker 5 You'll teach us how to run. I don't need any help from Deion.

Speaker 4 I'm faster than DK McCaffrey. I would like you to teach me how to run.

Speaker 4 Dion, thank you, man. We'll see you later this week.
All right, buddy. God bless.
All right, Dion. See you, man.

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Speaker 4 All right, let's wrap up. We have Who's Back of the Week, and then we will finish up.
Probably running long.

Speaker 4 great to have monday football back hank you want to do who's back of the week real quick uh sure i got a bunch of who's backs uh we talked about it quickly but uh game seven basketball is back uh people for whatever reason they decided to schedule game six at one o'clock on the first nfl sunday of the year yeah shout out the nuggets Shout out to the Nuggets.

Speaker 4 I really hope they don't win, though. Like, that would suck.

Speaker 5 As far as I'm concerned, this game didn't happen, so I'm very confused if the Nuggets... What?

Speaker 4 If the Nuggets win, they deserve it. Yeah, but it would suck.
Why?

Speaker 4 Lakers, Clippers. Everyone wants it.
Yeah, but if the Nuggets beat the Clippers, they have... I don't know.

Speaker 5 Do they have the right? Do the Nuggets have the right to advance just because they beat the Clippers in a seven-game series?

Speaker 4 Fuck it, I'm rooting for the Nuggets now. Jeez.

Speaker 4 That would be a virtual guarantee for a five-game gentleman sweep. Yeah.
No.

Speaker 4 No. Yeah.
No. Yeah.

Speaker 4 That was crazy that they did that game then. How can you...

Speaker 4 How would you not do...

Speaker 4 It would be better to do that game on Monday afternoon. Yeah, a million other times.

Speaker 4 Also, with the NBA, NBA this league, just like Giannis, Giannis, unfollowing all his teammates on Instagram, Russell Wilsburg trying to fight Rayjon Rondo's brother.

Speaker 4 This league is back. This league is so back.
I actually had a This League as well that was not about this league. But did you guys see

Speaker 4 Dan Orlofsky's tweet the other day?

Speaker 4 I certainly did have missed it. It was ultimate.
Well, okay, I mean, I only noticed it because it was the ultimate this league. He, oh, fuck.
I got to find it.

Speaker 4 I've never seen someone tweet angsty or like teenager stuff.

Speaker 5 Was it about house?

Speaker 4 No, I've no, no one knows what it's about. It was, it was the cryptic tweet that everyone replied and be like, dude, someone got a radio show that he was watching? Yeah, something like that.

Speaker 4 Because it was like, everyone's like, what are you talking about right now? What's going on, man?

Speaker 4 I think it was like, don't ever forget those that lied to you, or something like that. And I was like, what? Let's go, Dan.
Yeah, this league.

Speaker 5 Emo Rolovsky.

Speaker 4 Yeah, get it, Dan. This league, baby.

Speaker 8 I have an update to why they may have made the one o'clock game basketball. They are not going to like this.

Speaker 4 No.

Speaker 8 The U.S. Open Final was always slated for 4 p.m.

Speaker 4 Oh, God. Who cares about tennis? Yeah, but it was a game seven.
Dude, tennis is so fast. Game five.

Speaker 4 Oh, it was.

Speaker 4 Never forget the ones that lie to you. I won't.
Oh,

Speaker 4 this league.

Speaker 5 Everything okay, Dan?

Speaker 4 Dude, this motherfucking league. Then my other last quick who's back is melatonin.
We were sitting in here in the studio earlier, getting ready for the show. No one was even talking.

Speaker 4 Billy just said this. No one even answered him or said anything to him, but I just wrote it down because I kind of wanted to wait to follow up.

Speaker 4 He just goes,

Speaker 4 Apparently, people are vaping melatonin now.

Speaker 4 I was scrolling through my Instagram and like one of those Instagram ads, and they were like, vape melatonin. Get tasty melatonin to your brain and faster than a pill.

Speaker 4 And I was like, yo, they're vaping melatonin.

Speaker 5 Melatonin is one of the greatest hoodwinks that

Speaker 4 you can't fall asleep without four pills of it.

Speaker 5 But they give you fucked up dreams.

Speaker 4 No, I guess you can vape it. You can vape it, dude.
And I definitely can fall asleep without it, but I tell myself I can't.

Speaker 5 I have never enjoyed a single dream that I've had on melatonin.

Speaker 4 Is that why?

Speaker 5 Does it fuck up your dreams? Yeah, it messes up your dreams big time.

Speaker 4 Yeah, some pumping melee.

Speaker 5 Three tree must better. Much better.
That's right, yeah. That's true.

Speaker 4 That's it.

Speaker 5 If a company wants to really get their product moving off the shelves and they're a sleep aid, just say like 90% of the time you have sex dreams on our product.

Speaker 5 Every night.

Speaker 4 Every single night. and during the day.

Speaker 5 Yeah, you'll just be it just turns you into a 13-year-old dude.

Speaker 4 It's virtual reality sex. Yeah.
Um, all right, PFT, who's your who's back?

Speaker 5 Uh, my who's back of the week is drunk ideas because I had a drunk idea when I wasn't even drunk. This is

Speaker 5 this is actually a good idea.

Speaker 4 I hope you guys weren't drunk.

Speaker 5 It's no, it's September.

Speaker 4 I didn't even order four beers. I drank one beer.
I had two of mine. Sounds like you've been drinking more than four beers.

Speaker 4 I had two of mine.

Speaker 4 There were IPAs. They were IPAs, double IPAs.

Speaker 5 I'm at two on the month, but the one that I had on Friday was 36 ounces. Okay.
But it was one bottle. True.

Speaker 4 My one on Friday was three high noons. Okay, nice.

Speaker 4 I drank it fast enough. Mine was just ever clear.
Oh,

Speaker 4 okay.

Speaker 5 That's one of my favorite types of beer. But my drunk idea from Friday was

Speaker 5 I'm getting really into eating full pints of the low-fat ice cream all the time.

Speaker 4 What is it called?

Speaker 5 There are like seven different types of

Speaker 4 that's one of them. No, that one's not doing free ads.
Don't eat that.

Speaker 5 I'm not doing free ads.

Speaker 4 No, just don't eat that. It doesn't taste.
It's like shaved ice.

Speaker 5 But here's what my idea was. This is a perfect idea.
Tell me how it could possibly go wrong. Come out with a low-fat ice cream.
Say it's like 250 calories per pint, but just put real ice cream in it.

Speaker 5 And people are going to eat it and be like, holy shit, this tastes amazing. Seinfeld episode.
For low.

Speaker 4 Yeah, it is.

Speaker 4 Who did that? Seinfeld. In what?

Speaker 5 What episode was that?

Speaker 4 Frozen yogurt. Frozen yogurt episode.

Speaker 5 Oh, well, I'm talking about the new low-fat ice cream crazes where it says that it's ice cream. Just fill it up with real ice cream.

Speaker 5 And then everybody would be like, hey, this tastes like real, real ice cream.

Speaker 4 Yeah, that's the Seinfeld.

Speaker 5 And nobody would ever catch you. Yeah, yeah.
That's a Seinfeld episode.

Speaker 5 All right, I just wrote a Seinfeld up there. There you go.

Speaker 4 I don't want to. I don't want to eat it.
Talenti is also what you're describing because it looks...

Speaker 4 Do you eat Talenti ever?

Speaker 5 What's that?

Speaker 5 It sounds.

Speaker 4 It's basically... I think it's...

Speaker 5 It's got the clear container.

Speaker 4 It's a clear.

Speaker 4 It looks like an ice cream container that shouldn't, that looks low-fat, but it's not.

Speaker 5 Okay, yeah, I have seen that. Mine was Breyers low-fat locale.

Speaker 4 Yeah, see, Talenti doesn't even say low-fat locale. It just looks it looks classier, so you assume that it's not, uh-huh, and you can see the ice cream.

Speaker 4 When you can see it, you're like, oh, that can't be ice cream. They would say it's basically water.
Yeah, right. Uh-huh.
And then it's like pretty much Ben and Jerry's pint.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I have seen that. I have seen that, Jake.

Speaker 4 Yeah, that's Talenti.

Speaker 4 Okay. I'm in.
I don't want to. Because you get to eat regular ice cream.

Speaker 5 Yeah, you can also do the same thing with non-alcoholic beer. Yes.
People be like, I love this stuff for some reason.

Speaker 4 Not drunk, but drunk.

Speaker 5 I can drive better on it. Feels good.

Speaker 4 We'll save it for another time. You guys remind me, but I'll just kind of give you the quick pitch.

Speaker 4 Tesla for tables.

Speaker 4 Tesla. So there's never any wobble.

Speaker 5 Wait, Tesla?

Speaker 4 What is Tesla? I'll explain later. Tesla.
Continue PFT.

Speaker 5 No, for tables. Think on.

Speaker 4 You can't just

Speaker 4 electric so it always balances.

Speaker 4 So you know what Tesla? Tesla can feel the road so it knows where to go. It's not like it goes right or goes left.
It feels like its surroundings.

Speaker 5 Adjustable tables.

Speaker 4 But it's technology, so it's not like adjustable tables where it's like you can raise it or you can lower it.

Speaker 4 The table itself feels the surface around it and then adjusts so that there's never any wobble. Okay, I don't want to be every restaurant,

Speaker 4 every restaurant has tables.

Speaker 4 All those tables wobble.

Speaker 4 All the ways that you have to fix it aren't as good as mine. But I don't want to be a

Speaker 4 wobble, baby, wobble. Pooh pooer here.
But once you have a table and you put it on, like you you don't really, it's just there, so you can fix it.

Speaker 4 Like, it's not like riding, when you drive with Tesla, you're driving new roads all the time. Like, if you buy a table, you put it down.
Oh, this isn't, this isn't flat. Okay, let me fix it.

Speaker 4 Then you fixed it for, that table will be flat for the next 50 years. How come every restaurant I go to have set a wobbly table piece?

Speaker 4 You got to go to better restaurants.

Speaker 5 Or yeah, start bringing your own sugar packets with you and put those underneath the legs of them.

Speaker 4 How about invest in Tesla? Hope the stock goes up and then you can afford better restaurants.

Speaker 4 No, it fixes the exact same Tesla

Speaker 4 or the next Tesla

Speaker 5 Chicago Italian beef sandwiches all the time and use your elbows.

Speaker 4 Yeah, just Tesla for elbows. You stand and you eat it kind of over.
How many restaurants do you know?

Speaker 4 How many of them have tables?

Speaker 5 I can eat seven restaurants off the top of my head.

Speaker 4 Five guys, Chili's, Dave, and Busters. That's two.

Speaker 4 Soon enough,

Speaker 4 you can't go to restaurants unless they have these tables. You can get in now.
What about just a matchbook?

Speaker 4 That's old. That's the old.
That's the old caveman way. You know what? Fuck it.
I'm not going to be able to do it. It sounds like Tesla.
It sounds like an apple. Fans are all timer.
Listen,

Speaker 4 part of the pitch idea is you've got to poke holes into it. I think that I've sufficiently poked all the holes in it.

Speaker 4 All right, Tesla for tables. Done.

Speaker 5 How much does each table cost?

Speaker 4 It depends on manufacturing. Okay.
We're working on that.

Speaker 4 I got a couple of tablets. Each table costs $15,000.

Speaker 4 And they all break right away. That would truly be Tesla.
All right, my who's back is no hitters. Alec Mills threw no hitter for the Cubs today, and no one knew because it was a no-hitter.

Speaker 4 Same thing as Dallas Braden. We actually are laughing because it was the least swinging misses for

Speaker 4 a no-hitter or perfect game since Dallas Braden. Five.
Which is such a backhanded way of saying, like, you got a no-hitter, but you kind of suck.

Speaker 5 Bapip was really low.

Speaker 4 Yeah, but credit to Alec Mills. The Cubs are back, and yeah, no hitter.

Speaker 5 Another bonus who's back is American Ninja Warrior being on TV while we're getting delirious at the end of playing part of my taste.

Speaker 4 Yes, yes.

Speaker 5 There's no way that they're making new episodes of that, right?

Speaker 4 Kristen Leahy, I've never seen on it. And she was just hosting that one.
No.

Speaker 4 You've seen her? Yeah.

Speaker 4 Always.

Speaker 4 Oh, I guess you're paying attention a lot more to her.

Speaker 5 Oh, there's that Zeke Miller.

Speaker 4 No, I just hear later on Sunday nights. I watch the runs and then the reruns.
Feed. Feed me.

Speaker 5 It looks like he got a fanny pack tattooed across his navel.

Speaker 4 Go, Billy. My who's back back of the week is chain snatching.

Speaker 4 There's been some chain snatching in the NFL. Crabtree and Tallieb, if you remember.
They tried it on Cam Newton. They tried it on Cam Newton.
Thank you for taking my who's back, Hank.

Speaker 4 Who tried it on? That was pretty mean, Hank. Yeah, I was waiting.
Who tried it on?

Speaker 4 I'll take that back. Thank you.
Okay, so Cam Newton, they tried to snatch his chain at the end of the game. Oh, is that the Paddleman noise? Did it work out? Yeah, no, they didn't take his chain.

Speaker 4 He said the two chains.

Speaker 4 And they were, you know, that's why Cam Newton was going nuts at the end of the game, if you saw, and he was getting, like, trying to fight half the team, and it was kind of like, what are you doing?

Speaker 4 But someone tried to snatch his chain.

Speaker 4 I think I'm on the side of the Dolphins here because if Cam Newton just runs over your face for 60 minutes, like, you'd at least want to take home something to remember it by.

Speaker 5 Yeah, grab whatever you can.

Speaker 4 So, good job, who's back to the week? Good job. All right.
That is our show.

Speaker 4 We have Dan Patrick on Wednesday. Get excited.
Big show. Football is back.
This has been an honor and a pleasure. I feel so reinvigorated, guys.
Yeah. Feels fucking great.

Speaker 5 God is real.

Speaker 4 Thank you for watching.

Speaker 5 Oh, yeah. We got to pick one number.
Pick one number.

Speaker 4 Billy, do you have a

Speaker 5 seven?

Speaker 4 I'm going to go big time PFT. We're playing Jenga today.

Speaker 5 Yeah, we're playing Jenga at what?

Speaker 4 1 p.m.

Speaker 5 22.30-ish. Got it.
Billy, do you have an animal fact?

Speaker 4 So sharks never sleep and they always swim. 37.
But dolphins sleep with half their brain and they use the other half to be awake and they shut off half at a time. so they also kind of never stop.

Speaker 4 Is that

Speaker 4 17? 77. Oh my god, I was gonna be so mad.

Speaker 5 That's a short seven on the bottom.

Speaker 4 I didn't say 17, I usually do.

Speaker 5 Love you guys.

Speaker 7 I'm getting that

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Speaker 7 Oh,

Speaker 7 your clip and switching back and forth,

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Speaker 7 Dick to my

Speaker 7 tongue.

Speaker 7 I'm switching

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Speaker 7 from my dick to my tongue.

Speaker 7 I'm getting there

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Speaker 7 by my tongue.

Speaker 7 Oh

Speaker 7 your clip and switching back and forth

Speaker 7 Switching back and forth for my dick to my

Speaker 7 tongue

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Speaker 7 Switching

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Speaker 7 with my dick to my tongue