Jay Pharaoh, Hard Knocks Is A Bummer, And Billy Has A Secret Only Fans

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Speaker 1 Experienced on today's part of my take, we have comedian Jay Farrow. Awesome interview with Jay Farrow.

Speaker 1 We got him to a couple impressions. He actually just kind of did him.
We didn't really make him.

Speaker 3 Yeah, it was in the flow of conversation.

Speaker 1 But really cool conversation about his career,

Speaker 1 SNL, other things.

Speaker 1 We have hard knocks.

Speaker 1 We have

Speaker 1 playoff basketball, hot seat, cool throne, guys on chicks. It is a Wednesday show.

Speaker 4 Before we get to all that, the Pro Football Football Show is presented by the Chevy Silverado. Built for the hustle, ready for the game.
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Speaker 1 Okay, let's go.

Speaker 1 Now, in the streets, there is violence,

Speaker 5 and then I love the sound of perfume.

Speaker 5 No place to hang out, low washing,

Speaker 5 and then I can't blame all on the sun. Oh no, we're gonna rock down to Elite Trick Avenue,

Speaker 5 and then we'll take it higher.

Speaker 5 Oh, we're gonna run down to Elite Trick Avenue.

Speaker 1 It's Pardon My Take presented by Barstool Sports.

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Today is Wednesday, August 26th.

Speaker 1 And Hardnox is a bummer.

Speaker 3 Dude, they can't even give me a goddamn time-lapse of a stadium being built. It's not that hard.
Set up a camera, walk away. It's not that hard.
I'm dumb. I want to see a time-lapse.
I have a theory.

Speaker 1 So the first episode was obviously all coronavirus, and that was a bummer in its own right. And then I thought, you know what? Episodes two and three, they're going to get better.

Speaker 1 We're going to be like getting our juices flowing. Football, it feels back.

Speaker 1 Here's my theory.

Speaker 1 Hard knocks needs the preseason because you watch hard knocks on Tuesday nights and then you watch the actual games happen and you like see what's happening on the field and you're like oh there's that cornerback that we keep hearing about who's trying to make the team he had a touch you know he had an interception whatever it may be and then it's this mind fucked it's almost like when you look up at a jumbotron and you see yourself and you can't understand how you're looking at yourself on the jumbotron but then the camera's looking at your face right the the time warp of watching something filmed in real time we've lost that element so now we're just watching like oh let's just check in with this training camp yeah when you see a guy on a a field in a preseason game, first of all, it's on TV.

Speaker 1 You're a kid guy.

Speaker 3 So it's at 30 frames per second, right? When we're watching hard knocks, that's on film. It's a little bit slower.
What is that, Hank? 24 frames per second?

Speaker 6 60. 60.
420.

Speaker 1 Probably 240. 240.
The point is,

Speaker 3 it looks a little different. They should just play some of the clips of the scrimmages in that TV format.
So it looks like I'm seeing them in a different time zone or a different parameter.

Speaker 3 But I know what you're saying. It's like a blend of reality and then a a show that you've already watched.
It's like, I know that guy. I saw that.
That's the guy from the.

Speaker 1 Oh, that guy got injured. Oh, okay, yeah.
I watched that real life. Like, it's just our brains can't understand something that's being taped currently and then played for us.

Speaker 1 But now that it's not, we don't get to see the other side, it kind of ruins everything. Well, it's that.

Speaker 3 And then there's also moments in scrimmages and in preseason games where you watch it on TV and you're like, I can't wait to see that again

Speaker 3 from the other angles.

Speaker 1 How are they going to talk about this loss that I, you know, I bet on? It was Sunday night football.

Speaker 1 They played the Rams played, and I stupidly bet on the game, and I want to now watch and see if McVay actually gets as angry as I am.

Speaker 3 Well, the field is fast. Jerry Goff said that so many times.

Speaker 1 I'm going to bet so many overs. The field looks so fast.
That field looks awesome.

Speaker 3 That green just screams points to me.

Speaker 7 Do you think things go, baby?

Speaker 1 Here's my question. Do you think, when will stadiums

Speaker 1 like, what's the peak of new stadiums? We have to get there some point.

Speaker 3 I think we reached in the Roman times.

Speaker 1 No, but like this new stadium.

Speaker 3 Turn into a post?

Speaker 1 No, but every new stadium is like cooler than the next i guess the rangers kind of ruined that the texas rangers but like this stadium is insane there it looked like a hotel in there the video board like are we gonna run out of stadium innovation i don't know it's just a question i ponder what we should do is there should be a uh there should be a turf that is the exact same color green as a green screen so that you can watch it back and then you can edit whatever type you can make it into a snow game maybe if you're watching it on repeat by the way speaking of stadiums stadiums,

Speaker 1 if anyone out there is like me who loves to look at empty stadiums, empty stadium porn, we are in the perfect spot for all the stadiums in Brazil that the World Cup was played in.

Speaker 1 They're starting to fall apart, and it's fucking sick to look at.

Speaker 3 Right. In China right now, it's just dust.
It might as well be the ancient periods, pyramids from, what, 2008?

Speaker 1 Look it up. It's sick.

Speaker 3 Yeah, it's getting good. They're getting overgrown with vines.

Speaker 1 Like, holy shit, there was a World Cup game here four years ago. How's this possible?

Speaker 3 They look like the Astrodome. Yeah.
But yeah, you're right. Like, four years ago, they were the most happening place on earth.
Might have been eight, eight years ago. I can't keep track of time.

Speaker 1 Where's the World Cup last? Four years ago?

Speaker 3 Four years ago, it was in France won. United States was as far away from the United States as well.

Speaker 6 That was when I was going to drive.

Speaker 1 No, there was supposed. Oh, yeah, there was.

Speaker 6 That was like 2014, I feel like.

Speaker 1 No, we had a World Cup

Speaker 1 two years ago.

Speaker 1 France won two years ago. Mbappe.

Speaker 1 Where did they win?

Speaker 3 Was it Germany?

Speaker 6 So another one we're missing.

Speaker 1 It was Russia. Brazil was six years ago.
It was Russia, right?

Speaker 1 You had Bob Lake. Russia.
Yeah. And then, and then, so six years ago.
So, yeah, we're in prime, prime World Cup. God damn it, time just escapes us.
All right, other notes from Hard Knocks.

Speaker 1 The toothpick guy. The toothpick guy.

Speaker 3 I've been thinking about it. Have you ever been a toothpick guy?

Speaker 1 Yes, I've tried.

Speaker 3 Being a toothpick guy, that guy's got all the answers.

Speaker 1 Dude, razor remote.

Speaker 3 There's something going on with a toothpick guy.

Speaker 1 That's actually. Literally, who's the bad guy?

Speaker 3 So the guy that plays defensive back on the Rams, I still don't remember his name, but I know that there's an undrafted free agent who's a toothpick guy.

Speaker 3 He stands out a little bit just like that for his coaches. They're like, oh, who's that guy? Oh, he's the toothpick guy.

Speaker 1 Yes. We had Melvin Ingram with the rare sitting in.
Not sitting out. Sitting in.
Holding in. Holding in.
Holding in.

Speaker 1 I feel like, I mean, it seemed like everyone loves him, but I don't know. It feels like you're kind of playing your hand a little bit.
What do you mean?

Speaker 1 Like, if you are holding in and they're just going to, one day, they're just going to put his pads and his helmet on his locker and be like, why don't you just slip that on? Yeah, just play.

Speaker 1 He's like, yeah, you know what? I'm just going to put it on for right now. And then all of a sudden he's going to be playing.

Speaker 3 They're banking on him just being close enough to the field and seeing a guy playing better than him that he'll just be like, you know what? I'm in next rep.

Speaker 1 He was very involved.

Speaker 3 He did get his contract done.

Speaker 1 Well, they gave him guaranteed money.

Speaker 3 They reworked it. So now he is practicing and playing.

Speaker 1 So maybe it worked.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I guess.

Speaker 3 I guess it worked.

Speaker 1 Weren't you thinking the whole time when he was going through drills and stuff? It's like, they're just going to trick him and put a helmet on him, and he's going to be playing.

Speaker 3 If you just call his number, then he'll just go in by football guy instinct.

Speaker 3 I also liked, well, we have our first guy in Hard Knocks that the camera's falling in love with, that they hope that you fall in love with at home, who's probably going to get cut.

Speaker 3 Johnston.

Speaker 1 Yes. Clay Johnston.
Clay Johnston.

Speaker 3 His dad was Brett Favre's best man.

Speaker 1 Papa Brett.

Speaker 3 Anytime Papa Favre pops on a Zoom with you, you got to make sure that he knows that the camera's on first, if you know what I'm talking about.

Speaker 1 I think that Brett Favre is officially retired.

Speaker 1 Seeing him, he is old. There's no dog.
Officially, officially, like the Wranglers jeans ads that

Speaker 1 they probably taped seven years ago that they keep running, the, what's it called, the Copper Wire,

Speaker 1 all that Copperfit, all those old ads that made him look like he's still young. This was the first time I saw him, and I was like, and he even said it.
He's like,

Speaker 1 I think Clay Johnson was like, you look like a million bucks. He's like, I feel like five.
I was like, yeah, dude, you actually look like five.

Speaker 3 Yeah, it is the first time that we've seen him without a golden retriever next to him or without him like throwing a pass to a 17-year-old. Right.

Speaker 1 And his arms weren't busting out and he just had gray hair. So I'm going to call it Ed Werter.
You can leave Mississippi. It's over.
Brett Favre has retired.

Speaker 3 Does Bus Cook have any more clients, or is it just Brett Favre?

Speaker 1 I know he was Jay's agent. Yeah, but he's got a bunch.

Speaker 3 It's got to break old Bus's heart. Yeah.
Finally, not getting any more calls for him. Tarad Taylor, the cuck god.
They brought that up, how he got

Speaker 3 cucked by Josh Allen, then got cucked by Baker Mayfield, and now he's about to get cucked a third time.

Speaker 6 By Justin, he's taught in the streets now, though.

Speaker 1 Cucking. Yeah, it is.

Speaker 3 By the way, I'm staying up for cuck rights. Enough cuck shaming, okay?

Speaker 1 It happens.

Speaker 3 People get cucked.

Speaker 3 Whether it's your pool boy, Justin Herbert looks like a pool boy.

Speaker 1 Very personal.

Speaker 3 Soul cycle instructor.

Speaker 7 These things happen in real life, okay?

Speaker 3 So back off. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Just we're not bringing that up for any reason. Just back off.
Just back off.

Speaker 3 I mean, I think that there's been an overload of cuck shaming going on recently.

Speaker 1 Yeah, just back off, guys. Shit happens.
It's not a big deal. What, Billy?

Speaker 8 And don't cucker shame.

Speaker 1 Yeah, right. If you're the one who's fucking

Speaker 1 shame. Right.
Right. It takes two to tango.
Three. Well, it's not.
Billy's not breaking up a family. No.
He fucked a MILF over the weekend.

Speaker 3 And a frog.

Speaker 1 All right. Hank, no, he didn't.

Speaker 6 All I was going to say, I think I just kind of realized this is.

Speaker 1 Billy's totally going to tell me to cut that later. We're not going to.

Speaker 6 I think part of the reasons, like, obviously the COVID stuff, but I think the fact that there's so many NBA and NHL playoffs, like, my dumb brain thinks it's April half the time because I think that

Speaker 6 blends part of like it's still not, even though it is preseason, it's August, it's like gearing up for football.

Speaker 6 The fact that there's all these other sports on, like it's doesn't quite feel like it's pre, like, it's preseason football.

Speaker 1 It's a great point.

Speaker 3 It is something that the NFL would do to another sports organization, though, like, have their games bleed into a season that's not typically theirs just to dominate the spring.

Speaker 1 But it is true. Like,

Speaker 1 by late August, usually, you know, either your baseball team's in or out. You kind of have a feeling about that.
And then it's like, all right, it's football coming up.

Speaker 1 Wait a second.

Speaker 3 Are we just, have we just been had for the last like 10 years? Has Hard Knocks always been like this? No. It's just been so starved.

Speaker 1 I think the Jumbotron thing I was talking about, where you watch it happen in real life, you're like, oh, shit, dude, how did they get that in there so quickly?

Speaker 3 That is cool, but Hank brings up a good point.

Speaker 3 Hard Knocks is a lot better when you don't have any real sports to compare it to.

Speaker 1 Yes. All right, so we do have real sports.
Let's talk about it. The Jazz and Nuggets, let's give some shine.
People were upset that we taped before the end of the game on Sunday night.

Speaker 1 I have to admit, fully, I think the Jazz and the Nuggets are the exact same team.

Speaker 3 I agree with you. Thank you for saying that.

Speaker 1 They're from the same area, both altitude, kind of similar colors. Like, I just, if you tell me Jazz, Nuggets, Nuggets, Jazz, I'm just like, yeah, those are all the same guys.

Speaker 1 Like, if you just list the names, I'm like, you could tell me Donovan Mitchell's on the Nuggets. I'm like, sure.
I don't, you know, they just blend together.

Speaker 6 And neither of them are winning the championships. Yes, correct.

Speaker 1 Let's be honest.

Speaker 3 The jerseys are very similar, too. You're right.
They are.

Speaker 3 If the jazz brought back the old school, like John Stockton uniforms that had the icy mountains in them and shit, that would be cool.

Speaker 3 I could differentiate between those two.

Speaker 1 They did. But right now.
Yeah, they did. They actually did.
Yeah, we were. Tonight, no, no, no, no.
It was a couple weeks ago.

Speaker 3 Yeah, so they should bring them back for the playoffs because right now, Big Cat's right. It's like, yeah, each team has a couple talented big guys, one good guard, and that's about it.

Speaker 3 Don Nelson and George Carl might as well be coaching these teams.

Speaker 1 The only difference, the only way that you can tell the difference between the two teams is the Jazz fans want to fight every player, and the Nuggets fans are kind of chill because it's Denver and they're probably high.

Speaker 3 They're really stoned.

Speaker 1 That's really it. So when you don't have fans, it really blurs the lines, but the game was good.
The Nuggets obviously survived. Jokic, did you see his first quarter?

Speaker 1 21 points, 8 for 8, 5 for 5 from the 3. That's how you set the tone.
And then Jamal Murray's 360 layup was fucking sick. He had 42 points.
I think he's gone back-to-back 40 points, zero turnovers.

Speaker 1 Hot take.

Speaker 3 I like 360 layups better than 360 360 Donks.

Speaker 1 Dude, it was sick. It was so sick.
So that actually is now kind of a series.

Speaker 1 And it has been a good series. The Jazz have been just like shooting the shit out of the ball.
And I guess the Nuggets, I mean, good. I almost did the Thanks for Coming Out Nuggets tweet.

Speaker 1 I wish I had because then they came back, and they look like they were dead in the water.

Speaker 1 We have,

Speaker 1 so do we want to talk about the end of the Blazers?

Speaker 3 The reemergence of playoff P?

Speaker 1 No, let's talk about the end of the Blazers. Okay, it's over.
Yeah, well, because Dame Little

Speaker 1 got hurt. is

Speaker 1 right. So he's out.
He's got the Lakers shitting down their throats.

Speaker 3 This game is a series that all hinged on Dame Lillard's health.

Speaker 1 Yes, correct.

Speaker 3 A fully healthy Blazers, I think, beats this Lakers team in three.

Speaker 1 I often find myself in this spot where I have a take and I'm the only one who has anything at risk because everyone else can just be like, it was just a joke.

Speaker 3 What do you have risk with?

Speaker 1 Well, I did actually bet the Lakers to win the series, and also I said that the Lakers, there's no chance they'll lose this series, and everyone gave me shit after game one.

Speaker 3 I just like the Blazers, and I think that Dame Lillard is did.

Speaker 1 Blazers in five.

Speaker 3 Great point guard. Blazers in five.
It's too bad that we can't see both these teams at full health.

Speaker 1 The Lakers are so much better than the Blazers. I'm sorry, Blazers' derangement syndrome.
It was a fun story. It was a nice story, but holy shit, the Lakers kicked the fuck out of them in game four.

Speaker 1 That was, I mean, that was an ass-kicking. Yeah, well, it was Kobe Knight.

Speaker 3 It was Kobe Knight

Speaker 3 with the knee.

Speaker 1 Well, Dame did play in that game.

Speaker 3 Yeah, but he got hurt in the game.

Speaker 1 Right after they were down.

Speaker 1 That's right. That's right, Hank.
Did he get hurt in in the first quarter when they were

Speaker 1 when they were down 15-0?

Speaker 3 There may have been a pre-existing injury. Got it.
In fact, I think his other knee was injured, and that's what made the other knee get even more injured. Over compensation, look it up.

Speaker 1 So, how do you feel about your Blazers in 5 prediction? I think

Speaker 1 we'll see.

Speaker 3 I think history is going to be the final judge of that take. At very worst case scenario, it's better than Charles Barkley's Blazers in 4 prediction.

Speaker 1 True, good point.

Speaker 3 I'm more of an expert than the other.

Speaker 1 Chuck doing the sweep after game one.

Speaker 1 Listen, I'm not going to be petty, but I will absolutely be petty.

Speaker 1 I have some retweets I have to do after everyone tweeted me after game one and said that I was an idiot and the Blazers are better than the Lakers.

Speaker 3 I'm just glad we got that one in, you know?

Speaker 3 We won the most important game. Yes.
When everybody was fresh. Game one.

Speaker 1 Yep.

Speaker 1 So, yes, the Clippers are flexing their muscles right now on the Mavs.

Speaker 1 This is kind of the disappointing thing about like when you have that underdog and they have an incredible performance and Luca was so fucking good on Sunday and you're like, oh, could the Mavs do it?

Speaker 1 And then the Clippers are like, nah, we're way, way better. We just need to focus a little bit.

Speaker 6 And no Porzingas.

Speaker 1 And playoff P is back.

Speaker 3 Yeah, playoff P is back big time. Wizzy have like 29 points right now.
That was the easiest bet of all time. This is just taking these Clippers.

Speaker 3 Like after all the slander, going at playoff P, which is well deserved.

Speaker 1 Don't get me wrong. He figured out.
He said he just needed to make more shots.

Speaker 3 Yes, he took, yeah, he made bad shots. 10 for 16 tonight.
He didn't make his shots last time. He said that after the game, he corrected himself, saying, if I make more shots, I have a better game.

Speaker 1 Facts. Sometimes it's that simple.

Speaker 3 Playoff P is back.

Speaker 3 I just want it to be, I want this series to go seven. So far, I think this is my favorite series of the playoffs.
If this goes seven, then how are they doing the rest in between?

Speaker 1 I think they're playing pretty quickly.

Speaker 3 Because no, hockey is just advancing to the next round.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think they're going like two or three. I mean, the Celtics and Raptors played Thursday night, and that ended, what, Sunday? You know what's funny? The Bucs and the Magic still are going on.

Speaker 1 That's weird. That is weird.
Because the Magic won game one, and then the Bucs have just killed them the last three games. So that's a kind of a weird, hey, remember that series is still going?

Speaker 3 Did you see Mike Greenberg's actual dumb rule today? No.

Speaker 3 I can't hit on too much because it's not that bad, but he thinks that every team in the lottery should have the exact same chance of winning the lottery.

Speaker 3 And he also thinks that if you lose in the first round, you go into the lottery also. And also, they're getting rid of the lottery machine.
What? And they should bring back the envelope.

Speaker 1 That's actually not a crazy, crazy idea. That's actually been talked about because it would basically take away tanking.
It's the anti-tank rule. I'm more likely to be able to get a lot of people.

Speaker 1 Because if you just get in the lottery, you just are in the lottery.

Speaker 6 If you're in the playoffs, you shouldn't get a chance at the lottery.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, I agree with that. But

Speaker 1 I don't think that's that crazy to say, like, no.

Speaker 1 If you don't make the playoffs, everyone has the same odds so that no one can tank. Yeah, I don't hate that.

Speaker 1 I mean, it would suck if your team really sucks and can never get good again, but I guess that kind of happens all the time in sports.

Speaker 1 Let's see. Anything else?

Speaker 1 Hockey, Hank. We got a Hockey Hank update.
Bruins lost in overtime.

Speaker 6 Got to get the puck out of it.

Speaker 1 Pulse check. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 6 And there's a guy from the blues.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Big rig. I also think I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 I'm just going to circle one. Islanders, Team of Destiny.
I'm going to circle it. Why you say that? I don't know.
Just feeling it. Barry Trots.
Yeah, and I just,

Speaker 1 I just, I don't know. Just going to circle it.
Just going to circle it. Frank Rally's going to be very upset that I said that, but I'm going to circle it.

Speaker 3 We have also more football guy news from Joe Judge today. Joe Judge is a football gift that just won't stop giving.
He did two different things today.

Speaker 3 One, he said that he wants to take Daniel Jones' red jersey off to just pop his pads a little bit. Just get him hit.
Level that he's playing football. I like that.

Speaker 1 That would be

Speaker 3 an all-time Belichick disciple move if he did that and then Daniel Jones had an AC joint injury.

Speaker 1 Yes. I did see that Joe Judge has support from Bill Parcells.
So mission accomplished there. Yep.

Speaker 1 Like you did a good job of getting the old school football coach that's angry all the time to say, I like how he's he's coaching this team. Right.

Speaker 3 If you had like a 90-year-old substitute teacher with George Patton's deceased heart in his chest, Bill Parcels would be like, that guy knows how to win. Doing it.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Get rid of one of these wide receivers.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 3 Oh, he also, this was also pretty good. He taped tennis balls to all his defensive backs' hands to encourage them not to hold.
I like that. That's the way they're going to learn.
I like that a lot.

Speaker 7 I fucking love Joe Judge.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 And when the Giants go, like, play poorly and he gets fired after you, it's going to be even funnier. Yep.
All right, let's get Hot C Cool to run.

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Speaker 1 That Hank, hot seat cool terone, go.

Speaker 6 My hot seat is a few hot seats all within this podcast, you know, family. Actually, I'm just going to do a hot seat for each of you.
PFT. PFT is in the hot seat because Dan Snyder joined Twitter.
Yep.

Speaker 3 No, that's his account. He's got a private account.

Speaker 1 Oh, so he's just throwing him because everyone can roast him.

Speaker 6 Yeah, but he's just going to be lurking. Like, if you look at PFT, as a

Speaker 1 potential

Speaker 6 buyer. Seed Hank,

Speaker 6 future owner of the team.

Speaker 6 PFT's got some cleaning up to do.

Speaker 3 I have a lot of cleaning up, like my entire account, basically.

Speaker 6 Okay. Big cat's on the hot seat because he stinks at fall, guys.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Stings is like...

Speaker 6 Offered 95.

Speaker 3 Everyone stinks at falling.

Speaker 6 89.

Speaker 6 89. And Billy's on the hot seat because he's meeting his hero tomorrow, and he's like nervous beyond belief and is not going to to know what to say.
Jim Florentine.

Speaker 3 Yeah, Jimmy Florentine's here.

Speaker 1 Is that your hero? Yeah, Billy. How many heroes do you have? Because we just interviewed Jimmy Tatro today, and he was legit your hero.

Speaker 3 Billy's a massive, massive Crank Yankers fan.

Speaker 1 He was like shaking earlier. Yeah.
No idea who this guy is. Oh, yeah, that's bullshit.

Speaker 3 You know exactly who he is. Way to play cool.
Smart.

Speaker 1 No, that's actually. Because you blew it today with Jimmy Tatro.
He actually said on the way out, he's like, who was that kid? And what's his problem? So,

Speaker 1 no, I'm just kidding.

Speaker 1 Yo, can I i tell you something what he thought you were sweet sick yeah um all right it was your cool throne hank uh my cool throne is alive tim the two man tailor tim allen yo he actually did say you were sweet dude did jimmy tatrio thought i was no he legit said he was like

Speaker 1 due to everything i know he did say you were sweet

Speaker 1 i'm not joking he said you were sweet

Speaker 6 uh tim allen and the dude from the show whatever he's dead no richard carn are during uh doing a history channel show together al borland al borland Ah.

Speaker 1 Okay. I'm in.
Sure.

Speaker 3 Nice. Is it going to be about the history of cocaine and Tim Allen selling it?

Speaker 1 News. I would watch that.

Speaker 3 I would watch Gangland Home Improvement. Snitching.
Just a blacked-out face of Tim Allen talking about how he just go backstage and blast off reels in between takes.

Speaker 6 Home Workshop Competition Show.

Speaker 1 Cool.

Speaker 6 And My The Cool Throne is OnlyFans.

Speaker 3 Ah, yes.

Speaker 6 It's really just blown up in the mainstream these days. Plaxco Burris joined today.
God knows what he's posting on there. It came out that Bella Thorne, the child actor,

Speaker 6 one million in one day.

Speaker 1 Should we all sign up for a couple just as a joke?

Speaker 3 Just for fun. Well, I told Billy to sign up for Plaxico Burris' OnlyFans.

Speaker 1 We should just get Billy a phone that he can cheap, which is your reality.

Speaker 1 Oh, I like that.

Speaker 3 Billy, that's a good joke.

Speaker 3 Billy, that's a good joke.

Speaker 1 Say it louder.

Speaker 6 Say it louder.

Speaker 1 He's shooting his third leg. Nice.

Speaker 3 You can say, is that a gun in your sweatpants or are you just happy to see me?

Speaker 1 Nice.

Speaker 1 Oh, Billy's feeling good about that.

Speaker 1 OnlyFans,

Speaker 1 I feel so stupid every single time there's a swipe up on instagram like check out this hot picture of me and i swipe up and it's fucking only fans i hit that roadblock four times a day fucking sound sounds like you follow a lot of porn stars i do are you a porn star if you don't why wouldn't only fans i mean what's what's the point of instagram

Speaker 1 nah it's it's a dumb star yeah i actually have a A confession to make.

Speaker 8 Yeah. I have an OnlyFans.

Speaker 1 You do? Yeah.

Speaker 1 And?

Speaker 8 Well, ever since I wore my toe shoes, people actually started DMing me, asking me for feet pics. Okay.
And they started offering money, and I actually set one up.

Speaker 1 It's Billy Feetball. It's very entrepreneurial.

Speaker 1 No, I'm serious. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Billy Feetball? Yeah, I actually like

Speaker 1 it up.

Speaker 8 I've been actually making banks.

Speaker 1 Good job. How much are you making? Like a good amount here and there.
No, tell us the truth. How much have you making? I've made around

Speaker 10 under $1,000, but

Speaker 1 over $100. You've made like over $700.
It's really weird.

Speaker 8 So the one time that we were on the live stream and I was wearing my feet shoes.

Speaker 7 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Three bands. You stopped wearing those.
Wait, so that's only for you. So you can see that.
Well, because I

Speaker 1 can wear that for free, dude. No, I'm serious.
Like, you can look it up. Wait, hold on.
So you've made $800?

Speaker 1 Around there. And so we're just...
We're just selling feet picks to show you picks to be. Billy feet all feet dudes.
They're just foot pics. Turns out it.

Speaker 1 Can I see one of the requests? Let me see your feet, Billy. Where's my phone? Oh, my God.
This is incredible. Good job, Billy Feetball.
You're going to get a lot of

Speaker 1 people. Yeah, I know.
Here, yeah, OnlyFans.

Speaker 1 Are people like, hey, man,

Speaker 1 do they make you put stuff on it?

Speaker 10 No, just legitimately pictures my feet.

Speaker 1 Like, do they have any toes?

Speaker 6 Do you have any puppets on the toes?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I just make sure the lighting's good.

Speaker 1 So do you just pop off a pick, like, get out of the shower, boom, pick? Well, should you set up tiers too? Like, like,

Speaker 1 $1,000 for the full feet, like, it's actually travel games like look all three feet a foot fuck you okay this is oh my god this is so weird billy dude like legitimate no i'm not hating dude you're making money dude if one of these guys gonna track me i'm gonna make money somehow do you do like q a's no i just take pictures of my feet how often do you have to update legitimately like Every night, like before I go to bed and take my socks off, I just take a snap of my fucking feet and that's the private pick for the night for these people.

Speaker 3 Are you dealing with like any subscribers who are getting upset and asking to do more? Like, hey, where's tonight's update?

Speaker 1 Like, no, no, size 14 wide feet.

Speaker 1 That's what he has listed.

Speaker 8 No, seriously, that's what they're down for.

Speaker 1 I don't give a fuck. It's my fucking feet.
Oh, shit, I just closed out.

Speaker 1 Let me see it.

Speaker 3 I closed out.

Speaker 1 That's incredible, Billy. There's no messages or anything.
It just says Billy Feetball, size 14 wide feet. You gotta get the subscription.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 You can't just get that for free. Yeah.
All right, PFT, what's your hot seat cool throwing?

Speaker 3 My hot seat is my eyes because I'm looking at Billy Football. Oh, my God.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Okay, I've seen enough. There you go, Billy.

Speaker 1 That's hot, Billy. My hot seat is

Speaker 3 dogs.

Speaker 3 Dogs, bro. Because Bryson DeChambo got him up big time in a massive, massive internet controversy.

Speaker 3 I guess they're playing this week at the same golf course that he played at back in 2015 when he won the U.S. amateur competition.

Speaker 3 And so he took a picture with their golden retriever, Trigger, is the name of this dog. And he said, this dog, Trigger, was here and helped me win the amateur open back in 2015.

Speaker 3 Well, record scratch, it turns out that Trigger, the sweet boy, was born in 2017. Uh-oh.
So either Ryan Lochte owns this golf course and the dog has been one year old for the last five years,

Speaker 3 or Bryson got hemmed up trying to chase some internet clout, like a dog chasing his tail, got caught big time.

Speaker 3 I even did some research research on this dog trigger because I was like, maybe it's one of those, like, maybe it's an UGA situation where there's a trigger one, trigger two, trigger three.

Speaker 3 No, no, no, no, no. The dog that was before Trigger, or the Trigger's dad, is named Divot,

Speaker 3 and Divot works at a neighboring golf course. Okay.
So, regardless of what happened, and he's never been, Divot, to my knowledge, has never been on this golf course. So he's just lying.

Speaker 3 So he's just lying for

Speaker 3 dog clout. Fuck that guy.
Bryce and DeShambeau. Jesus.
Liars. Triggergate.

Speaker 1 The worst.

Speaker 3 The worst. My cool throne is Earth.

Speaker 3 Because remember the asteroid that we talked about? Turns out it's tiny. It's one.
The asteroid that's going to hit on election day.

Speaker 1 There's like a million.

Speaker 3 It's tiny and it's not going to hit.

Speaker 6 So that was

Speaker 1 freaked out about that.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Big time freaked out about it.
So scared to have it. You're going to survive.
Mini Mike. They should call the asteroid Mini Mike Bloomberg.
There you go. That would be very funny.

Speaker 3 It's small and it won't hit on Election Day.

Speaker 1 There we go. Boom.
That was like 1.7. That was good balls.

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 3 Top of my head balls.

Speaker 1 And Peng Zai.

Speaker 3 You know, Pang Zhai, he's on my cool throne, too.

Speaker 1 Wait, what's that? Cool Throne. Pang Zhai.

Speaker 3 No, no, Cool Throne, Hank. I'll inform you because Pang Zhai, he's that Chinese guy that does a tornado chug.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 He's a drinking guy.

Speaker 3 Our friend Donnie. Donnie does world.

Speaker 3 He is like good friends with Pang Zhai. Pang Zhai uploaded a video last night to the internet saying that he was going to probably be arrested.
He's in big trouble.

Speaker 3 He was crying and he did one last chug and then he went offline after that.

Speaker 6 He was getting arrested for chugging basically.

Speaker 1 The Chinese government doesn't support just how viral he was going. He's too much of a bro.

Speaker 3 Too many beers. Yeah, he yugs big time.
Chinese government does not like that. Well,

Speaker 3 as of two hours ago, Pang Xai posted again to Twitter saying he's fine. Don't worry about me.
I'm back. I'm good.

Speaker 3 Totally wasn't arrested and brainwashed by the Chinese police to go back online and say that he's wearing a LeBron LeBron James jersey. He was very excited saying how great China was.

Speaker 3 He actually wasn't, but I'm saying, like, this could be, like, Pang Zhai might be brainwashed now, and he's now, like, sent back with the green light to create content that is more China-friendly.

Speaker 1 So just keep an eye on it. I can't imagine it's hard to brainwash a dude who just chugs for a living.

Speaker 3 He's just drunk as shit. Yeah, just get him drunker.

Speaker 6 He can eat a lot, too. He's just got that.

Speaker 3 We should get him a

Speaker 3 fur shirt.

Speaker 1 That would be very funny. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay, is that it? That's it. My hot seat is Chris Weber.
Chris Weber's on the hot seat. Chris Weber's getting roasted.
Chris Weber is out on an island.

Speaker 1 Chris Weber is a terrible announcer, and he's getting what they say as exposed because he's, I think it's just because there's so many games going on, and he's been calling, it feels like the important game every single night.

Speaker 1 And holy shit, does he suck? Chris Weber is the Michael Scott. Sometimes I start a sentence and I don't even know where it's going.
I just hope along the way I find it, like, I find my way.

Speaker 1 That's him. He just starts talking.
So tonight he had two that were incredible. He had, um, he said he knew that Montrez Harrell was going to have a good game.
Why, you ask?

Speaker 1 Because he was sitting on the bench without pants on. Okay.

Speaker 1 And then

Speaker 1 the real Chris Weber, he, he, I don't understand how his brain works. It really is like.

Speaker 1 He's the dude you just meet at a party and you're, and he just starts talking, and you immediately are like, how do I get out of this conversation? It's going nowhere.

Speaker 1 All like at the same time, he's just putting words together, run-on sentences, and nothing makes sense. Please let me go.
But then we get trapped with him for three hours a night.

Speaker 1 So his other one was Chris Weber said the difference between Raptor Kwai and Clipper Kwai.

Speaker 3 I'll give you a guess. What do you think? Time zones.

Speaker 1 Nope. Hank, guess.
New operating system. Raptor Kwai and Clipper Kwai.

Speaker 6 Different uniform colors. Nope.

Speaker 1 Now he's much more of a veteran.

Speaker 3 He's got that championship pedigree. Another year.

Speaker 1 He already had a title, but he had another title. It's just another year.
He's that much more confident.

Speaker 1 Yes, that's true.

Speaker 6 That's actually a huge difference.

Speaker 1 Chris Weber stinks, man. It's tough to listen to.

Speaker 6 It's crazy, too, because Reggie Miller is like

Speaker 1 actually the worst. Would you rather die?

Speaker 6 He's living in the bubble like so happy.

Speaker 1 No, he's no, he's bubbling at Wendy's. Haven't you seen their commercial? Yeah.
Reggie Miller. Yeah, so he's just been dodging a bullet watching Chris Weber.
What was it?

Speaker 1 Car, he said compartmentalized. He said car part mentalized last night.
I was like, what is going on?

Speaker 3 I like it. Sometimes I get the thought that maybe being a color guy on TV is a lot harder than we think that it is.
But then you see other guys step in so seamlessly. Right.

Speaker 3 Shouldn't we be blaming that for this play-by-play guy?

Speaker 1 He actually is trending right now for the second time. Like two nights in a row, he's trending.
Not good. Not good.
And it's hard to trend.

Speaker 1 It's hard to be an announcer and trend two nights in a row without... saying anything actually controversial.
Like this isn't Thom Brennaman. This isn't Mike Milbury.

Speaker 1 He's just trending because he's bad.

Speaker 3 Just trending for stinking.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Like, generally, just everyone's tweeting about Chris Weber.
What were you going to say, Jake?

Speaker 11 Yeah, the job of the play-by-play is to steer the boat. And then you're teeing up the analyst to make

Speaker 1 Chris Weber sits down every single night and looks at the play-by-play guy. He says, I'm the captain now.
And then just starts talking for two and a half hours.

Speaker 11 Right. Chemistry has a lot to do with it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, who's this guy? On what game was he doing? He's doing every game. It seems like every game.

Speaker 3 Right now, there's Brian Anderson and Spiro Didas.

Speaker 11 Okay. And Kevin Harlan.

Speaker 1 Do you have playing cards of these guys?

Speaker 11 No, I've just followed them for a long time.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 All right, my cool throne is the Pittsburgh Pirates because the Pittsburgh Pirates got no hit tonight. Lucas Giolito had a 13 strikeout, 101 pitch, no hitter, only one walk.
The Pirates are 7-18.

Speaker 1 They're the worst record in baseball. But guess what, Pirates fans? I'm going to help you out.

Speaker 1 Nothing counts this year. Yeah.
You're good. You are so bad.

Speaker 3 You're good.

Speaker 3 Would it count as no hitter if you threw it in a seven-inning game?

Speaker 1 I don't know if there's rules for that.

Speaker 3 That would be sick.

Speaker 3 What if you had a pitcher that could go out there and throw, like, I don't know, 150 pitches, like a Max Scherzer or something like that, and you hit, you pitched them both games of a double header and you did a double no-hitter back to back.

Speaker 1 That would be, and then they'd be like, this is, this is only the 15th time this has ever happened the first 14 times for Satchel Page. Yeah.
Every single time.

Speaker 1 101 pitches, though. No hitter, 13 strikeouts.
That's fucking impressive. That's pretty good, yeah.
That's really good.

Speaker 1 I don't think I can name a couple of pirates. Can you name any pirates?

Speaker 3 Andrew McCutcheon.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 they might be the least nameable team.

Speaker 1 All I got is Josh Bell and Gregory Polanco. Chris Archer.
There we go. Okay.
But

Speaker 1 it's tough when you just start listing pirates. You're like, wait.

Speaker 1 Barry Bonds. No.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, there's no one on the Pirates team.

Speaker 3 How many years do you think the Pirates could go drawing like 40% attendance, never making the playoffs, obviously, and still be a functional team and not have their owner have to sell?

Speaker 3 Because I feel like in Pittsburgh, you can get away with a lot. In Pittsburgh,

Speaker 3 you're giving the citizens of Pittsburgh a reason to drink during the daytime in the summer. That's what the Pirates are there for.

Speaker 1 But Pittsburgh has long, long, long ago figured it out. If you have every single team have the exact same colors, fans will show up, watch the Pirates suck, and just be like, Stillers.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And if they'll just look at the uniforms and be like, Stillers?

Speaker 3 If they happen to be good, then most of the people in town are already wearing those colors. They're like, Yeah, I suppose.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 right.

Speaker 1 I feel bad for Pirates fans, but at least you have the coronavirus pandemic in this season being weird, so it doesn't count.

Speaker 3 The Pirates should just sell Steelers' jerseys. Yes.
Steelers jersey. Their players' names in the back.
They probably sell more.

Speaker 1 Yes. Billy, take us home.
My hot seat, the spicy seat, literally

Speaker 8 is Chicken Nuggets.

Speaker 8 McDonald's is coming out with spicy chicken nuggets, and I think that's really cool.

Speaker 3 So, why is that your hot seat, though?

Speaker 1 That is cool.

Speaker 8 Because they're hot.

Speaker 1 Oh, your butthole.

Speaker 10 The McDonald's seat.

Speaker 3 They give you a hot seat, exactly.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 That is cool.

Speaker 8 That's awesome.

Speaker 1 Spicy nuggets sell all the time.

Speaker 8 My cool throne is milk. Chase Winovich went off on a total rant about how much he loves milk and how much cows are beautiful.

Speaker 1 He played for Jim Harvard.

Speaker 8 Exactly. So he just went off on a press conference today about how much he loves milk and how his cousin's a dairy farmer.
And I thought that was really cool.

Speaker 3 All right. Billy, you're going to get a cowstone, aren't you?

Speaker 1 Maybe. Chase Winovich is a pretty sweet dude, huh?

Speaker 8 Yeah, he's pretty cool.

Speaker 3 I actually have a theory about Billy.

Speaker 1 He hits all the things. Plays football.
Sweet hair. Named Chase.
Cool.

Speaker 3 I have a theory about Billy.

Speaker 1 I came up with this.

Speaker 6 We hung out with him at Raffarati, Billy.

Speaker 3 Yeah, he bleached his hair, though. My theory, though, is that Billy might be related to Kirk Cousins.

Speaker 3 Because Billy tweeted out earlier today, what was it? Creed's greatest hits? What'd you say about it?

Speaker 1 I said, Kirk Cousins is definitely a toe sock, toe shoe guy. Oh, yeah.
Oh, he is. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 As much as a pussy get an OnlyFans account, you won't, Kirk.

Speaker 3 What'd you say about Creed?

Speaker 10 I like Creed.

Speaker 3 You tweeted something out.

Speaker 8 You said Alexa plays his face.

Speaker 1 Play Creed's greatest hits. Yeah.

Speaker 3 So this is like four years ago, Kirk Cousins tweeted out famously, like, nothing hits like being in the weight room when Creed's greatest hits comes on.

Speaker 10 You know what? Creed's good. So is Nickelback.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I'm just saying you guys both cook your meat like assholes.

Speaker 1 I think you might have some same blood. Hey, look,

Speaker 3 I've said before, you look like if Kirk Cousins was like a Paul brother, Jake, you're the long-lost Paul brother if Kirk Cousins' dad cucked their mom.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 3 we don't cuck shame here.

Speaker 1 That's right, we don't.

Speaker 3 I'm just saying you might be related to Kirk Cousins.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 8 I'll have to look into that. Look into it.

Speaker 1 I actually kind of buy that. I like that.

Speaker 8 I think that's racist.

Speaker 10 No. Saying two people who look like

Speaker 1 it's not like white. No, it's not because you're white.
It's everything else. Okay.

Speaker 3 It's the creed.

Speaker 1 It's the steak. It's the toe shoes.

Speaker 3 Not being a very good quarterback.

Speaker 1 Yeah, all the above. It's the facial structure.

Speaker 1 Yeah, all these things. When you add them up.

Speaker 8 That was a lot.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 3 You're wearing a fucking shirt of the state of Minnesota right now, Billy. You're Kirk Cousins.
You're Kirk Cousins. You are Kirk Cousins.

Speaker 1 All right, let's get to our interview with Jay Farrow. Awesome interview.
Awesome. Awesome interview.

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Speaker 1 Okay, here he is, Jay Farrow.

Speaker 1 Okay, we now welcome on very special guest. It is comedian, actor,

Speaker 1 former SNL cast member, Jay Farrow. He's got a bunch of stuff coming out or out.
You're a busy, busy man. You have two minutes of fame, which is out right now, video on demand.

Speaker 1 You have How to Fake a War, out right now, video on demand, and then Bad Hair that will be coming out October 23rd.

Speaker 1 How, I guess, the first question is: how are you like the busiest guy in the world right now when it feels like there's no movies coming out and you got three of them?

Speaker 5 I mean, dude, I mean, I've seen weirder stuff in 2020.

Speaker 5 We just saw Meg the Stallion, who was 5'10, get shot at by a man who has not finished puberty, who is 5'1.

Speaker 5 And

Speaker 5 people think she's lying about it. So there have been more crazier things that happened in 2020.

Speaker 5 I

Speaker 5 personally just feel like The blessings as far as I go are just showering down because I'm so so appreciative of everything that has gone on.

Speaker 5 This whole COVID, whole pandemic, I've gotten a chance to sit down and really evaluate some things and really be thankful.

Speaker 5 And that's why I think, to answer your question, there's so many movies happening right now just because, just because I'm thankful. If I was pissed off, there wouldn't be any movies.

Speaker 1 Karma. So Karma got you all these movies.

Speaker 5 Karma got me the movies. Now, I mean, Karma didn't film them with me, but, you know, I filmed them back then.
So, you know,

Speaker 1 in what order should people watch them?

Speaker 3 Because you just gave us three good things to watch. So is there like, is there a preferred order that we should go in?

Speaker 3 What makes you the most money if we watch it? Yeah.

Speaker 5 I have, look, man, I got, I got moments. I got fun moments in all these movies that are coming out, man.

Speaker 5 If you want to take it and watch me in a different, like a different, different role, I would say watch How to Fake Award first.

Speaker 5 I would say Two Minutes of Fame second, and then Bad Hair when it finally comes out. You should check that out too in October.
And

Speaker 5 yeah, I think you should check them out just like that, brother.

Speaker 1 So, Two Minutes of Fame, it seems like it's semi-biographical, maybe not all the way, but it's, you know,

Speaker 1 you're a comedian who's found doing an impression. You know, obviously, people know you for your impressions, or at least got introduced to you with your impressions.

Speaker 1 Is there an annoyance factor of people always being like hey there's jay faro do uh denzel hey there's jay faro do barack obama do jay-z does it do you sometimes feel like uh a tickle me elmo trying people trying to poke you to get the impression out i feel like that i feel like that in on instagram when i do my instagram lives people

Speaker 5 people in the street they don't really they don't really do they don't really do that a lot anymore it doesn't really annoy me um anymore it did for a moment but I had to like recollect and

Speaker 5 think about why people were coming to see me anyway. Like you, you're coming to see somebody.
I bought a ticket to come see you because you've done something that I enjoy.

Speaker 5 So as an artist, it is your job to be able to deliver that happiness to a person.

Speaker 5 So if somebody came to my show and I didn't do Denzel Washington, they'd probably be pissed off. So of course, I'd have to do that, but that's not the bulk of the act.

Speaker 5 So, I've learned how to use impressions to just bring people in to what I'm really trying to talk about and really trying to do because,

Speaker 5 in the material, you can see who I really am.

Speaker 5 And maybe before you couldn't see it because it was more uh character-driven or whatever, but now it's just like me talking about life and just sprinkling in the impression.

Speaker 5 So, I don't take it for granted at all, and I don't get, I don't get pissed off, I

Speaker 5 I just accept it. I'm like, hey, man, you want to see it? It's fine.
You're going to get these. I'll give you some Eddie Murphy at the end.
But you're going to get these jokes.

Speaker 1 You know what I'm saying? It's a Jay Farrell gateway drug.

Speaker 1 You get hooked on Jay Farrell and then you give everyone the, you know, you get hooked on the impression, which is probably like cigarettes or weed. And then you give them the hard stuff.

Speaker 5 Then you get coke yup and then I'll give you that. And then I'll give you some eight balls.
I might get Percocet, Somali, whatever I have that day.

Speaker 3 Before you know it, you're like robbing your parents. You're taking money out of their purse to go buy tickets to a Jay Ferraro show.

Speaker 1 Yeah, all I did was see a Jay Farrow show, and now I'm addicted to everything.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I like that. Is that different? I imagine that's almost got to be harder.
I would think.

Speaker 3 Maybe you can correct me, but if you're doing a show where you're sprinkling in the impressions, you can't have the impressions end up being the punchline. You have to actually work on, you know,

Speaker 3 what the close of a joke might be. Whereas before, if you just like knock a Will Smith out of the park, then that's the laugh, right? People are laughing at that point.

Speaker 3 You don't actually have to worry about, you know making your point or bringing the audience back into the joke that you're writing right because it doesn't at that because it doesn't matter it's like

Speaker 5 it doesn't matter if you're just doing an impression show like and i respect artists that do that like there's a few there's a few people that just go out there and they just do they do an hour of impressions i don't know how the hell i don't know how the hell you can consistently do that

Speaker 5 because

Speaker 5 earlier when i first when i was first starting that's what it was like i would that's what it was i would do i would have voices and i would have them talking about current events that's what i did

Speaker 5 i would have like bernie mac talking about

Speaker 5 uh uh justin timberlate whipping out janet jackson's titty or you know what i mean some some like that it was just whatever was happening at that time that's what it used to be and

Speaker 5 it was it is like it is it's different now

Speaker 5 I don't say it's harder, bro.

Speaker 5 And the reason I won't, I'll say it's not harder is because it's,

Speaker 5 dude, I've been doing, I've been, I've been on the road for damn near 13 years now. You know what I'm saying? So I'm used to, I'm used to the stage or whatever, but

Speaker 5 it's hard getting through your act when you have somebody who constantly yells out something for you to do.

Speaker 5 And it can throw you off if you do not have the skill set to deal with it.

Speaker 3 So, what is that skill set? Do you, do you then just in turn start making fun of that person directly?

Speaker 5 Yeah, you gotta, yeah, you gotta, yeah, call them out, say whatever, like, address them and get back to regularly scheduled program.

Speaker 1 Uh-huh.

Speaker 5 Other comedian, like, if you're on the stage and somebody is heckling you, like, we, nobody wants to get heckled, my G.

Speaker 5 Like, you wouldn't want to, you wouldn't want to be in a freaking zoo and you shoveling elephant shit and somebody and somebody coming past you and they be like, hey, man, hey, hey, hey, hey, you got some shit on your pants.

Speaker 5 Well, bitch, I'm shoveling shit.

Speaker 1 Okay,

Speaker 5 I'm a shit shoveler. That's what I'm doing.
So it's, you, nobody wants to be heckled no matter what, but I will tell you then, if you heckle me, be prepared.

Speaker 5 Cause I will, I, I don't have jokes, I have disrespectful statements. And that's, and that's what I say.
Yeah. I love it.
I disrespectfully say shit. Yeah.

Speaker 3 I want to go back to the the beginning real quick with you because

Speaker 3 you're from Chesapeake, Virginia, right? The Tidewater area?

Speaker 5 Chesapeake, Virginia. Yep, 757.

Speaker 3 Okay, so

Speaker 3 I want you to tell me who you think is the best athlete to come out of southeastern Virginia because there's one correct answer and then there are two very good answers.

Speaker 5 Okay.

Speaker 5 The best athlete to come. You notice like mad athletes that came from

Speaker 5 my area.

Speaker 1 Yep.

Speaker 5 you you got bj upon you have plaxico burrish you have michael vick justin upon well i think justin upon because bj justin yeah justin upton market marcus vickerson yeah you have alonzo morning you've got it is a lot of there's a lot of people so to be safe i'm gonna say ai that's the right answer i'm glad that you said the good answer and then the good answer mike vick and marcus yeah no it's uh mike vick and then uh bruce smith would be another good answer, too.

Speaker 5 There, but yeah, Bruce Smith is, yeah, Lawrence Taylor came out of my area, too.

Speaker 1 Oh, I didn't know that. I forgot about that.
I worked with him above

Speaker 1 Bruce Smith.

Speaker 3 People don't talk about how good Allen Iverson was at football, too, in high school. He's like a legend down there, right?

Speaker 5 Yeah. I didn't.
Well, shoot. Shoot.
I didn't even know that Alan Iverson played football. Look, that's the difference between Chesapeake people and Newport News people.
We call Newport News bad news.

Speaker 5 That's what they call that. You stay away from bad news.
So I was in Greenbrier with all the, with all the, it's Greenbrier, with all the nice, with the rich white folks. So

Speaker 5 it wasn't none of that.

Speaker 5 I wasn't really thinking about what else Alan Ivison was doing, but I will tell you, he's one of the greatest basketball players that we have ever witnessed with some of the quickest handles and some of the best, most precise pivot movements ever.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I feel like AI is one of those guys that if he came along 10 years later and Twitter and like highlights were more widespread, we'd appreciate him even more.

Speaker 1 Not that we didn't appreciate him then, but like, you know, when James Harden does something and it's slow-mo and puts on Twitter, you're like, holy shit, that needs to be AI more.

Speaker 5 Oh, yeah, they definitely, they definitely need to do that, man. Just to how quick the man was.

Speaker 5 He's so quick.

Speaker 5 He was so freaking quick. And

Speaker 5 look,

Speaker 5 good dude.

Speaker 5 Good dude gives back to the community. You don't hear a lot.
You don't hear nothing. You don't hear no negative stuff about AI.

Speaker 5 AI is good.

Speaker 5 He's a good face for the Tidewater area, man. I would definitely say that.

Speaker 1 For sure. So you had,

Speaker 1 I mean, I guess it was kind of public breakup with SNL afterwards. You said that, you know,

Speaker 1 you weren't so happy with how it all ended. Have you repaired that at all? Or are you just...

Speaker 5 Did I say I wasn't happy with how it all ended?

Speaker 1 Um, did I saw an article that says Jay Pharaoh disses Saturday Night Live after firing?

Speaker 5 Yeah, and that's where I'm gonna, that's where I'm gonna correct you right now. Okay, because those people that put out that article, okay, which which is clickbait, the headline is clickbait.

Speaker 5 I didn't say anything in that, anything in that thing, like, oh, you know, it was, yeah, it was, it was, it was, you know, I diss essence. I didn't diss, I did not diss anybody.
What I said,

Speaker 5 and I will say it again, I'll reiterate what I said.

Speaker 5 At a certain point,

Speaker 5 you can be put in a box for doing one thing when you

Speaker 5 when you might be multi-talented and you might not get a chance to show those other talents just because you've already been type cast or put in a box. Hollywood does that.

Speaker 5 Everybody does it in Hollywood. That's they take they take what they think you are and they try to perpetuate that.
But you might not be that. There might be so much more to you.

Speaker 5 And you're not getting a chance to show those skills. That's all I would say.

Speaker 1 That's not even close to that. That's not even close to a diss.
Yeah, that's not even close to a diss. So we're going to fix that headline.

Speaker 1 That happens to everyone at SNL too, or a lot of people at SNL. You see the same characters over and over.
You're this guy. You're that guy.
All right. So we're going to fix that headline.

Speaker 1 Fuck variety for saying saying that. You were wrong.
Except Jay Farrow doesn't diss him.

Speaker 3 You do understand we have to get our clicks in too. So, Jake, when you write up this interview for the blog, put Jay Farrow disses SNL on part of my take, and then in the body, we'll correct it.

Speaker 3 We'll make sure that people

Speaker 1 listen. The real reason I asked, Jay, is because I was hoping that you were like, yeah, it didn't end great.

Speaker 1 And then you could get to be such a big star that you then go back to host and then you intentionally bomb just to fuck them over

Speaker 1 that would be cool that would be cool why would i do that

Speaker 1 just to be like ha ha fuck you guys

Speaker 5 f you all right lauren i'm gonna all right i can't read i'm sorry oh we're going online i can't read sorry uh i can't see the i can't see the lines of the sketches oh i missed another joke

Speaker 5 all right so we probably we corrected

Speaker 1 yes yes so all right so that dream is dead so we corrected it um what what was your who's your favorite person to work with in snl um cast wise or or host wise why's you both

Speaker 5 um all right cast wise you know

Speaker 5 it was me

Speaker 5 bobby mondahan love him taryn killum vanessa

Speaker 5 uh me and pete work with each other sometimes loved working with keenan um a lot of the other players you know i mean everybody was dope to work with but the people i was closest closest to on that show had to be Bobby, Taryn, and Vanessa because I came in with that class.

Speaker 5 Yeah, everybody else was, everybody else was newer. Um, as far as the host, I would say Drake, but he's not my number one.
Carrie Washington is my number one host to work with.

Speaker 5 Okay, I believe that episode that we did, um, you know, there was definitely, um, we broke some barriers and

Speaker 5 broke some records that episode. And

Speaker 5 what does my girl say?

Speaker 5 I wrote that one, that episode. And it was just, she was, and she was good.

Speaker 5 She knew she, her timing was great. I would say Carrie Washington and then Drake, the Drake episodes were fun.
And then Josh Brolin was fun too for me to work with when he came on the show.

Speaker 1 Was it weird?

Speaker 3 I was just going to say, was it weird when you started working there and you immediately, obviously, took over doing the Obama Impressions from Fred Armison?

Speaker 3 Was that weird being like, Hey, why, why have you been doing Obama Impressions?

Speaker 5 Well, can you say it's weird? Can you say it's weird when I was on the cast for two years and I didn't, I didn't even get to play Obama until 2012 because Fred Armison was still playing him in 2010.

Speaker 1 Oh, this is the juicy headline. Okay, cool.
Jay Farrow was mad that he didn't get to play Obama for two years, right?

Speaker 5 Um,

Speaker 5 no, it wasn't, like I said, it wasn't a

Speaker 5 it wasn't weird because they took their time with it. They didn't do it immediately, you know, the show.
And, and rightfully so, like, like Fred Armison is a, he's super talented.

Speaker 5 And, you know, it could have been anything for their apprehension. It could have been, it could have been, oh, he hasn't been, he hasn't been in front of the camera that much.

Speaker 5 It could have been anything.

Speaker 1 Right. But

Speaker 5 I think things happen when they were supposed to happen. Now, I tell you, I wish I was able to have more freedom with the Obama character when I was on the show because I just

Speaker 5 that

Speaker 5 that impression was something that they that they kind of locked down. And you, you know, there was no, there was no room for

Speaker 5 um room for kind of taking it and characterizing it, you know, yep, yeah, because I had a character called Chuck Obama back in 2010 before Jordan, PU, and Michael Keegan came out with the Anger Translator.

Speaker 5 And I had brought it to SNL, and they didn't want to,

Speaker 5 they were like, well, how is that different from The Rock Obama? And I said, it's mad different from The Rock Obama. First of all, The Rock's not playing Obama.
Second of all, it would be just like,

Speaker 5 it's his subconscious. It's Barack's subconscious.
Everything he can't say. The Rock Obama is just throwing people around.
It's totally different. It's not the same thing.

Speaker 5 And

Speaker 5 we never got a chance to put that on the show. And Key and Pill came out with the Anger Translator and they got Emmy off of it.

Speaker 5 So

Speaker 5 I wish I was able to have more freedom with that character from the beginning to take it to where I wanted to take it. And, you know, and maybe I couldn't

Speaker 5 articulate it well enough. I don't know.
I was 22, man. Come on.
You know what I mean? I got that show when I was 22.

Speaker 3 Right. How does that work? Are there, like speaking outside of the SNL environment, are there turf wars over like which impressions you can do?

Speaker 3 And then like if somebody else starts doing an impression that you're known for, you got beef with that guy?

Speaker 5 You mean you're talking about on the show, right?

Speaker 3 No, no, outside of SNL.

Speaker 1 Just like in comedy in general.

Speaker 5 Look,

Speaker 5 there are a few people. I wouldn't even say a few people.
There are some folks out there who view.

Speaker 5 being an impression as a competition type thing like oh i gotta oh yeah i gotta i gotta compete with yo, man, I do this while you do it.

Speaker 5 I'm not that person. I don't give two shits if you do a Denzel Washington impression or if you do a Cat Williamson impression or if you do a Jay-Z impression.

Speaker 5 Because first of all, I know that, I know that my skill set is so, it's, it's so elevated that you're not going to be able to touch it. Second of all,

Speaker 5 Even if you do one better than me, I still have like 200 other ones. So it's it's not, I don't feel ownership to any of my impressions because I'm more than that.

Speaker 5 I'm an actor, a comedian, and a rapper who can do impressions.

Speaker 5 And from that narrative and from that aspect in that regard, you as an artist will not take any money away from me if you do the same thing. Because I have my fan base and I know my skill set.

Speaker 5 I'm confident in myself. And

Speaker 5 there's no point for me to go back and forth with you unless we're unless we're on instagram live and i'm with my friends and we just having fun and we going back and forth for the pressures because i've done that we've done that but there's no there's no animosity uh with it there's nothing like man you you do get man you do this ill i do this ain't none of that

Speaker 5 and for people who think like that those people have probably still been in the same position for years.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 What about if if someone comes along and does a Jay Farrow impression doing a Barack Obama impression? Now we got a problem.

Speaker 5 I mean, that's called impression inception and also can be called

Speaker 5 a triple line tantra. But

Speaker 5 either way,

Speaker 5 I hope that happens one day. I hope there's somebody who's able to do an impression of me.
Matter of fact, no, there's already that.

Speaker 1 There's already

Speaker 5 already people who do impressions of me doing impressions. and they have literally told me this.

Speaker 5 You can watch the video for like Denzel Washington doesn't say all right, okay, two million times. That is something that I took and exaggerated.

Speaker 5 And now everybody for a Denzel template is all right, okay, my man, my N-word, and do the face.

Speaker 5 I wrote the blueprint. We wrote the blueprint.
I think my blueprint has been written.

Speaker 3 When I do Denzel, I think I am doing an impression of you. Now that I think about it, I just say, come on, Jake.

Speaker 1 Come on, Jake.

Speaker 3 That's just what I just over and over again. But I'm pretty sure that's based on your impression of him.

Speaker 5 It's definitely, man. It's spot on, too.
Spot everything.

Speaker 5 Spot on from the lip, everything.

Speaker 3 I just came up with a billion-dollar idea, by the way, where you were talking a second ago. You should do a rap album, but every song is you doing a different celebrity's voice rapping that song.

Speaker 5 Already happening.

Speaker 1 Okay, all right. Wait, so you, did you get, have you ever been like called out by someone who you met? Because didn't Kanye call you out at his own wedding

Speaker 1 about impressions? Kanye called me.

Speaker 5 Kanye called me on the phone personally.

Speaker 5 But when he did the Made of America Festival back in 2014, and I had just done the

Speaker 5 MTV awards, he got on stage and said, I called Shay Pharaoh and told him about his impression. He didn't do that.

Speaker 5 He called me up and he talked to me. He literally had a conversation about himself to himself.

Speaker 1 And I sat there the whole time.

Speaker 1 Did you do the Kanye voice back to him? Because that would have been incredible.

Speaker 5 Hell no, I ain't do a Kanye voice back to him. I said, shoot, if people got mentioned, I ain't, no, hell no.
Hell no, I ain't do it.

Speaker 5 I'm probably going, look, I am not a person, unless the person asked me to do the impression, I'm not going to do it. Like, yo, man, hey, Jay, I got got a sick impression of you.
Hell no. Right.
No.

Speaker 5 No.

Speaker 5 So Kanye called me and he talked about himself 15 minutes and he went off. And then that was it.
And then I saw him again at the SNL 40th.

Speaker 5 And he said, I remember him. He was with Kim Kardashian.

Speaker 5 And it was me, Michael Ch, and it was my agent, Adam Genovisian.

Speaker 5 And we were sitting there conversing with Kanye. And all in two minutes into the conversation, he breaks off and just goes, okay, me and Kim are going to go fuck.
Goodbye.

Speaker 5 I was like, well,

Speaker 5 you know, I, well, you know, Kim, I've seen her fuck, but you.

Speaker 5 It was just so, it was so weird and obscure. But people like that, man, I, you know, you know, Kanye's got.
Kanye's got a couple of mental disorders.

Speaker 5 He has spoke about this. I'm not joking about this.
I'm just saying, you just have to be careful with

Speaker 5 how you talk to folks who are not stable sometimes. I didn't know what state of mind he was in.
I was just listening. So

Speaker 5 I wasn't in no, oh, let me do an impression. Let me make jokes.
No, I wasn't even that because I was surprised he was calling me in the first place. I didn't even know how he got my number.

Speaker 5 And then I found out. I did.
And then

Speaker 5 the producers at SNL told me they gave him my number. I was like, oh, okay.
All right.

Speaker 6 Well,

Speaker 5 I know not to give certain people my address. Yes.

Speaker 1 Yes. Yes.

Speaker 1 I had one last SNL question. It was maybe

Speaker 1 the most relatable moment of your SNL career, and it wasn't a sketch. It was at the end of the show when Scarlett Johansson ruined the Mayweather-Pacquiao fight for you.

Speaker 1 And you visibly, I assume you had it on DVR, and you were like, what What the fuck? Like, I was saving that for after this. Is that what it was? You were saving it.

Speaker 5 Um,

Speaker 5 what happened during that time? What was it?

Speaker 5 Yeah,

Speaker 5 she, I think I knew, did I not know who won?

Speaker 1 Well, she goes, she goes up, and she's at the end, she's like, All right, thank you, everyone. And she's like, and and congratulations to Floyd Mayweather, who apparently won.

Speaker 1 And you're just like, oh, fuck, are you serious? And you like visibly,

Speaker 5 I remember, i remember that moment and i remember seeing it back

Speaker 5 and i remember wis khalifa putting both hands on his face like macaulay caught at a home alone too yeah and i remember being frustrated i don't know if i was frustrated because i put money on it and i lost or if i was frustrated that

Speaker 5 that now I knew the outcome of what I was going to watch afterwards. But any, either way, Scarlett Johansson had ruined the moment, and I didn't want to know it.

Speaker 5 And I think that's why I was pissed off.

Speaker 5 I think I didn't want to know it. And she said it, and I was just like, God dang it.
Yeah. And I lost the money probably to somebody.

Speaker 3 That's a messed up thing for her to do, though. Like, just minutes after the fight ends.
Yes. She's on live TV.
You got to have more self-awareness in that.

Speaker 5 Yeah, but for somebody who doesn't watch,

Speaker 5 somebody who doesn't watch sports and probably isn't in that world,

Speaker 5 it doesn't matter to them. Yeah.
Now, me and you if somebody told me the results of the tyson fight with roy jones jr

Speaker 5 before like oh

Speaker 5 oh roy jones got knocked the fuck i'd be pissed off yeah if i didn't watch it you know what i'm saying yeah absolutely but i cannot put somebody who probably watches i don't know what scholar johanson watches but she doesn't look she looks like she watches you on Netflix.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 5 She looks like one of them people. I can't get mad at somebody who don't know who's not a fan and just innocently said some shit.
It's like a little kid passing gas in front of you.

Speaker 5 He can't hold his butt cheeks together. Yeah.
He just is loose. It's like your grandfather's shitting on himself.
He's got a weak ass cheek. He can't do anything.

Speaker 1 You need to just yell it. You need to yell it at everyone.
That's the my dad is obsessed with not watching commercials.

Speaker 1 So like if I call him, he'll pick up the phone and be like, don't tell me what happened in this game or that game.

Speaker 1 Like he'll say that before I can say anything because he's got shit DVR'd for weeks in advance like you know like he's watching shit a week ago because he doesn't want to watch commercials so you need to start doing that just walking around being like don't tell me what happened by the way the tyson the tyson fight i can tell you right now i'm going to spoil it for you it's going to suck and we're all going to pay way too much money to watch two old dudes go around the ring and throw jabs at each other Hey, as long as somebody gets, as long as somebody gets knocked down and I'm not as pissed off as I was when I was watching Connor McGregor versus Mayweather, I'm going to be freaking fine.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 5 That to me was like, it would have been more interesting watching Floyd Mayweather fight a dictionary than fight than fighting Conor McGregor.

Speaker 1 Well, so the good news about that fight for us personally is we both were there.

Speaker 1 And when we walked into the stadium being fucking idiots, we were walking in and the beer guy outside, who was clearly like trying to just get idiots like us to buy more beer, started saying last call as we were walking in.

Speaker 1 So we just started chugging and got so fucking drunk that the fight was awesome for us. And then the next day, we're like, wait, we're in Vegas.
There is no fucking last call.

Speaker 3 It was 7 p.m. in Las Vegas on a Saturday night.

Speaker 7 We better stock up before you drink

Speaker 1 so much before the fight, we thought it was the greatest fight ever. And the next day, everyone's like, that fight sucked.
Like, nothing really happened.

Speaker 1 We're like, wait, we thought it was sick, dude.

Speaker 5 I was there too.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay.

Speaker 5 I was there. It was a moment that happened there that I would say made me immortal to my father.

Speaker 5 All right.

Speaker 5 We're sitting about six rows from about six rows from the ring, right?

Speaker 5 Six rows from the ring.

Speaker 5 LeBron James walks in.

Speaker 5 LeBron James is big as fuck. He's 6'8.
You can't miss him, right? Literally.

Speaker 5 If you throw a ball at LeBron James, you miss, you have something's wrong with you. You know what I'm saying? He's a big dude.
He walks down the aisle.

Speaker 5 He comes to me. He says, hey, he goes, what's up, Jay? He walks away.
My dad was like this.

Speaker 5 He was like, LeBron James just talked to you. I was like, yeah, man.

Speaker 5 I know him. He was like,

Speaker 5 I was like, you're so cute.

Speaker 1 That's awesome. We had the same thing happen to us.
We were sitting next to Barry Pepper. In front of Barry Pepper.
In front of Barry Pepper. We couldn't remember his name.
So we both turned around.

Speaker 1 We're like, dude, remember when you killed all the Nazis? And he's like, yup. Yeah.
And they're like, okay, cool.

Speaker 1 That was great. I'm a big admirer of that.

Speaker 1 It's the same thing.

Speaker 5 And you tell, and you bronzed, and

Speaker 5 you bronzed your snapback cap from that day and also your whole outfit. You did all of that.

Speaker 1 And the ticket that was like, the ticket, I think, was like $100 itself. It had holograms and shit on it.

Speaker 1 But that was a fun night. That was a fun night.

Speaker 1 Yeah, man.

Speaker 3 I saw on your Wikipedia page that, well, it lists like all the impressions and shit that you do, but there was one that stood out because I don't think I've ever heard it.

Speaker 3 You do a Stone Cold Steve Austin impression.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 3 That seems like it'd be a very fun impression to do, just like randomly, not even like for people, but just like for friends, just to get a crowd going, just get a room like amped up and energized.

Speaker 5 Give me a hell. Wad, what? Give me a hell yeah, you son of a bitch.
Drink some beer, kick your ass, stone coat, stun you. Wad, what,

Speaker 5 what?

Speaker 1 That's pretty damn good.

Speaker 5 I was such a wrestling fan when I was a kid. I used to, three of them.
It was Stone Cold. It was The Rock.
It was The Rock was number one. It was Stone Cold, The Rock, and Triple H.

Speaker 5 When I tell you the amount of trash I talk to the wrong people,

Speaker 5 it will blow your freaking. I told my deacon in church to know his role and shut his mouth.
And I was going to take the Bible, turn it sideways, and shove it up as candy yams.

Speaker 5 He thought,

Speaker 5 he told my parents I said ass, but I said yams. But I guess it's the same thing.
You talking about taking a Bible, turning it sideways, and shoving up somebody's candy yams.

Speaker 5 I guess me not watching SmackDown for the rest of the year was a good punishment. That's what I had to go through.

Speaker 5 My mother took my television out of my room, and I couldn't watch SmackDown for a year.

Speaker 5 And mind you, we didn't have cable at the time. So that was the only shit

Speaker 5 I could watch, and my mom took that from me.

Speaker 1 Yep, okay, so that's your most relatable moment because we're around the same age, and I've conservatively estimated that there was a stretch there probably from like 97 to 99 that I stone cold stunned like every single person that I encountered straight.

Speaker 1 Like, it was like an issue. Like, he just keeps stunning people for no reason.

Speaker 3 I just feel like 90% of my friends have been suspended for DXing a principal. Yeah, right.

Speaker 1 So you suck it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's walking around just when you're in like seventh and eighth grade.

Speaker 3 You're just like, no, I DX'd him. Well, what does that mean? It means suck it.
What does suck it mean? I'm DXing him. Like, you don't think that far in advance.
But yeah,

Speaker 3 principals did not like WWE.

Speaker 1 It's, I actually, it's probably, though, like, our generation, there should be a study about like the attitude era on like nine to 13 year olds in that time frame and how we probably all have a great sense of humor because we go around telling each other to suck each other's cock.

Speaker 5 Do you know how many times I 3D motherfuckers? Like, me and my homeboy used to 3D people, yo.

Speaker 5 It kind of got bad. We 3D the wrong person.

Speaker 5 They were in the class. We didn't mean to.
We didn't know. But we 3D some prolific folks.
And when I tell you,

Speaker 5 when I tell you, every day we did it on hard surfaces. We didn't care.
Like,

Speaker 5 we 3D people on the gym floor. Gym floor is hard as a miss.
It's hard as fuck. It's hard.
You know, you can't do anything, you know.

Speaker 5 So I'm surprised I didn't get in more fights when I was in middle school. Yeah.
Because we 3D the shit out of people. We didn't care.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 5 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 5 Miss Daco. Hey, Miss Daco, come here.

Speaker 3 I did a Bronco buster on somebody

Speaker 3 my freshman year of football. It was like during two days.
My coaches had some questions because they didn't watch WWE, so they didn't know what it looked like I was just wiping my ass on a guy.

Speaker 1 Oh, shit. It's so good.
It's so good. God damn it.
It's so good.

Speaker 1 Jay, I had, so everyone's got to go watch. Jay's got a million movies.
He's the only one who's making movies right now. Two Minutes of Fame out right now.
How to Fake a War out right now.

Speaker 1 Bad hair coming out October 23rd. I had one last question.

Speaker 1 It's a ZipRecruiter question. Go right now.
ZipRecruiter takes care of your Zip Recruiting or your recruiting right now. You can try ZipRecruiter for free at ziprecruiter.com slash take.

Speaker 1 All right, so we've had Kevin Hart on the show, and I have a

Speaker 1 I brought up something to him that he denies, but I know it's real because I think I saw a clip. There was a deleted scene in one of his movies where he had the line, I just farted out of my heart.

Speaker 1 Okay,

Speaker 1 I remember it because I remember watching it and being like, This is the fucking dumbest but funniest line ever.

Speaker 1 Can you just please for me just do the Kevin Hart impression and say, I just farted out of my heart? He screamed it.

Speaker 5 Listen, God, listen, damn. First of all, first of all,

Speaker 5 listen. I just fought it out of my heart.

Speaker 1 That's all I needed. That's all I needed.
Because now I can just be like, no, it's here. Here we go.
I'll just play it. I might make that my ringtone.
I don't even know if they have ringtones anymore.

Speaker 1 They do, Acon. Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 3 I had one last thing because one of the funniest things to watch, and you talked about growing up in a certain part of southeastern Virginia with all the rich white guys, right? So

Speaker 3 watching Dave Chappelle, Richard Pryor, and I'll say probably Eddie Murphy. Those were the three guys that I think do the very funniest corny white dude voice impressions.

Speaker 3 Between those three, who do you think is number one?

Speaker 5 Jeez, man.

Speaker 5 I would say now,

Speaker 5 just because he's still doing it,

Speaker 5 I would say it's between Eddie Murphy and Dave Chappelle. But Dave Chappelle, he wins because he's active.
If Eddie Murphy was actively doing stand-up right now, I would say his.

Speaker 5 Oh, you son of a bitch.

Speaker 5 But to answer your question,

Speaker 5 the person who has the best white guy voice is me, motherfucker.

Speaker 5 I have too many voices. I can do John Mulaney.
I'm loving it. Like, listen.

Speaker 5 I have the best white guy voice, and I'm going to take the crown in my next special. I kid you not.

Speaker 1 I love it.

Speaker 3 It's such an easy way to make me laugh. Every time I hear that, it's just so fucking funny.

Speaker 1 Yes, absolutely. Absolutely.
Well, Jay, this has been awesome, man. We really appreciate it.
Everyone, go watch Jay's new movies.

Speaker 1 Like I said, you're the only one who's making movies, so you gotta, you're gonna just get everyone to watch it, which is gonna be great.

Speaker 1 I'm actually, this is now perfect for me because I've been looking for something to watch. So I'm definitely gonna check out Two Minutes of Fame this weekend.
But thank you, man.

Speaker 1 We really appreciate it. Thanks for having me on, guys.
Yep, for sure.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 also, we'll cut the part where you said you hate SNL and Lauren Michaels can go fuck himself. Right.

Speaker 5 That's exactly what I said.

Speaker 1 All right, man. Thanks so much.

Speaker 1 Give it up for Chicago.

Speaker 13 Sebastian Maniscalco's new stand-up special, It Ain't Right, is coming to Hulu on November 21st.

Speaker 1 30 years ago, Jeff Bezos, complete nerd. Bezos now ripped to shreds on his super yacht and the boxes keep coming.

Speaker 13 Sebastian Maniscalco, It Ain't Right. Premieres November 21st, streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers.
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Speaker 1 All right, let's finish up the show. We have a little talking soccer.
Messi

Speaker 1 is

Speaker 1 requesting a transfer, and it looks like Man United is going to be the place.

Speaker 3 We talked about that last week, I think. You know, he was saying Man U or

Speaker 3 City.

Speaker 1 He officially requested the transfer today.

Speaker 3 The transfer request has been put in. It's a messy breakup.
Yes,

Speaker 1 I guess I'm going to have to be a man you fan.

Speaker 3 Well, we're going to follow Messi wherever he goes.

Speaker 1 It sucks. I don't want to be, but I am a messy guy through and through.

Speaker 3 If you're a Ronaldo fan, Ronaldo can never pull off a sound like this. Loss.
Imagine Ronaldo trying to leave in a contract.

Speaker 6 Cristiano won a Champions League with Real Madrid and then left.

Speaker 3 Just saying.

Speaker 1 So, Messi won a Champions League with Barca.

Speaker 6 I just saw Cristiano Ronaldo was trending, and that was the first tweet I saw.

Speaker 3 That he won a championship and then bounced.

Speaker 1 Is that good or bad?

Speaker 6 I don't know what that is. I see a lot of memes.
Like this guy said, How Cristiano left Real Madrid, and it's him, you know, going out on top. It says, How Messi will leave Barcelona.

Speaker 1 Listen, Messi can't do everything.

Speaker 3 Listen, Byron.

Speaker 1 Cristiano Ronaldo left Real Madrid as a three-peat champion with a little Cristiano Ronaldo shrug yeah he probably they probably were all PKs that he kicked PKs like headers from the six yeah I why can't you find out how many

Speaker 3 messi's probably got like a billion he's got a bunch of everything except for world cups yeah he's got a billion of those of those champions leagues right how fast do you think an mls team could win the mls what is it the mls cup if messi was on their team.

Speaker 3 Just adding Messi on.

Speaker 1 Two days? Yeah, two days. How long does the season last?

Speaker 3 Well, the MLS is back now, and then they're starting again in September. A week tops.

Speaker 1 He's got four Champions League titles. Suck on that.
I don't know how many

Speaker 1 Ronaldo has. I probably walked into it there, but I don't care.

Speaker 3 But probably half those are Gareth Bales.

Speaker 1 Yeah, true. Exactly.
So four, and then he's got six Copo del Reyes.

Speaker 1 Does Ronaldo have any of those? I don't think so. Ten La Liga titles.
Should I keep going? Yeah, keep going. Won a club record, 33 trophies.
He's got six European golden shoes.

Speaker 6 How many con moments? How many islands?

Speaker 1 He's only cheated on his taxes. He's cheating on his taxes more than Ronaldo.

Speaker 3 He's better at cheating on his taxes. He got away with cheating on taxes for longer than Ronaldo did.

Speaker 1 All right, so Ronaldo has one,

Speaker 1 two, three, four golden booties. And Messi has one, two, three, four, five, six.
Count Count the booties. Fuck yes.
Booties, bitch. Suck our dicks, Ronaldo.

Speaker 1 You bitch.

Speaker 1 We might get killed for this.

Speaker 3 No, I don't think so.

Speaker 1 Soccer fans are crazy, man.

Speaker 3 Can you imagine how many golden boots that Messi would have if he was Ronaldo's size?

Speaker 3 Ronaldo probably wouldn't even have one if he was Ronaldo.

Speaker 1 He probably wouldn't have soccer anymore.

Speaker 3 Definitely not.

Speaker 1 It would have been like UConn women's basketball.

Speaker 3 It would just be, is Messi bad for football?

Speaker 1 Just ruined the whole thing. All right, now it's talking soccer.

Speaker 1 Billy, anything that we missed on your sheet before we get get to guys on chicks?

Speaker 3 Krispy Kreme worker runs donut through glazer 25 times creates monstrosity.

Speaker 1 Woman accidentally dies cat yellow. That wasn't an accident.
That's a fetish.

Speaker 6 That's a fetish.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you just wanted a yellow cat.

Speaker 1 You wanted to eat your cat like it was a peep.

Speaker 3 Let's see. Joe Judge.

Speaker 3 Mystery radio signal from space. That's on 150 seven day cycle.
Just woke up right on schedule. So the same thing keeps happening.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no fans.

Speaker 6 Half of the sheet is is just no fans that's a bummer all right yeah cool good sheets all right guys on checks let's finish up the show what's up big cat pft honk and your intern who definitely doesn't use steroids my boyfriend's sister at the start of quarantine got bored and decided to get two baby ducks to take care of the first few weeks they were really small and cute but now they're fully grown adult ducks my boyfriend got them a big swimming pool so they can swim around and it's pretty nice we've determined one is a male and one is a female because of their different sounding quacks and their size when we toss them in the pool the big duck duck will try to get one, will try to get on the back of the small duck and try to mate.

Speaker 6 But at the same time, the male will hold the female's head underwater to try and drown it.

Speaker 6 Yeah, when we first saw this, my boyfriend said to me, This is what I'm gonna do to you if you like it like that.

Speaker 6 At first, I thought he was kidding, but then he sent me a few pictures of large bathtubs and a question mark. And he keeps trying to see if I want to come with him in the neighborhood pool.

Speaker 6 Do you think he's being serious? Should I be concerned?

Speaker 3 Yeah, run away. I'd say run far away and quickly.

Speaker 1 Our uh resident Steve Irwin, do you have anything to say?

Speaker 8 Paltry are tricky. I recently got some chicks

Speaker 8 and they do grow out of their chick stage and just don't kink shame.

Speaker 3 I don't know if this is a kink shame situation. Ducks are very rapey animals though.

Speaker 1 Are they? Yeah, oh yeah. They have corkscrew penises.

Speaker 3 Yeah, that's what I was going to say.

Speaker 1 Sheesh.

Speaker 8 They're genitalia and an arms race against each other in evolution. Oh, wow.
The males have corkscrew penises.

Speaker 3 It sounds like it's an arm race against itself, though, because as soon as your dick gets too corkscrew, you can't fuck anymore. That's probably why the male ducks are so pissed off.

Speaker 3 Well, they have to deal with a crooked-ass wiener.

Speaker 8 Duck vaginas are like mazes because they're trying to, like, it's an arms race, literally, between male vaginas and stuff.

Speaker 1 Okay, that's it's it's you know, you know a lot about animal vaginas, Billy.

Speaker 10 It's really cool with evolution.

Speaker 3 There should be an you should be an obgen for animals, exactly.

Speaker 6 Hey, boys, especially Cake and Henry.

Speaker 1 So I've always

Speaker 1 shouted Cake and Thompson.

Speaker 6 Almost Cake.

Speaker 1 I'd bring it up to y'all.

Speaker 6 I've seen some guys cross their legs and some guys don't. So I've always presumed guys who cross their legs have smaller packages.

Speaker 6 Am I just reading way too far into this or does that play a factor in it? Do some guys just find it comforting and some not enjoy it? Thanks.

Speaker 3 Well, I have a small dick and I do cross my legs, so I guess guilty is charged over here. I think sometimes it can it's just awesome to cross your legs.

Speaker 3 And sometimes if I'm wearing shorts, I'll try to cross my legs sometimes because I want to put on a show.

Speaker 1 I also think it's

Speaker 1 a fat fat thing. Like

Speaker 1 if I'm sitting like this, it's just the fat, it's like the fat show. Whereas this, it's like, who knows? He's got his knee in front of his fat.

Speaker 3 Yeah. You know what? Like, half of being a guy is just learning to deal with the fact that your balls are always uncomfortable.
No matter what.

Speaker 3 No one ever has a good balls day.

Speaker 1 Oh, I disagree on that.

Speaker 3 No, I would much rather my balls be internal.

Speaker 1 I've had good balls days.

Speaker 3 They just get in the way.

Speaker 1 No, but you're like, like, if you're in a pair of basketball shorts and it's like you know 85 degrees maybe you're free balling good ball day the only time i have a good one a good balls showing for me is just if if my balls make my dick look big at that particular time right but like when you're when you're when it's like nice and warm out and your balls have a nice size to them and they're just kind of hanging out you don't you're you're in the basketball shorts maybe a breeze there's definitely good balls days it's tough at work but there's good balls days hip flexibility hip flexibility is what

Speaker 8 i think the reason why some people cross their legs and some don't.

Speaker 3 So, is it bad or?

Speaker 8 I have bad hip flexibility. I don't cross my legs.

Speaker 1 Oh, so I have good hip flexibility. Exactly.

Speaker 8 Nice.

Speaker 6 I have recently contracted COVID-19, and one of my symptoms is I can't taste or smell at all. Drinking coffee and tequila, and I can't taste or smell it at all.

Speaker 6 Would you say that is a good time for me to start eating a lot of ass? I have never eaten ass, but I feel like this is the perfect time.

Speaker 1 Thank you.

Speaker 3 No, did

Speaker 3 the CDC said don't eat ass if you have Corona?

Speaker 1 I can't remember what the guidelines were.

Speaker 3 I don't think they said do eat ass.

Speaker 3 I don't recall that being distributed.

Speaker 1 It would be the time to, like, I would imagine if you can't taste or smell anything.

Speaker 6 But if your partner likes it, then once your smell comes back, you're fucked.

Speaker 1 Just start making Shoe Nice videos. Eat like a shitload of glue.

Speaker 3 Yeah, you can drink the nastiest stuff.

Speaker 1 Dude, people don't talk about Shoe Nice enough. That dude...

Speaker 6 Take a presenter.

Speaker 1 How does he do that? And his eyes are beautiful. You know who Shoe Nice is, Billy?

Speaker 6 You know who Steve Will Dewitt is?

Speaker 8 I know Shoe Nice once, like, ate a whole thing of toilet paper he eats everything yeah he's it's incredible that kid that kid yeah no I think

Speaker 1 he presented the take you war yeah but he's also one of those guys that like if he dies who cares because he's been eating just random shit for like it's not not who cares I didn't mean to stan liam there shout out Mike Frances I meant if Schoenice dies No one's gonna be like, wonder how he died.

Speaker 3 It'd be really disappointing to find out that Shoe Nice died at like 97 years old, peacefully in his sleep.

Speaker 1 No, he just he like each. No, he died at 97 years old choking on a tortilla chip.
Yeah. Like the ultimate irony.

Speaker 1 I ate like 75 quarters once.

Speaker 3 I don't think that's how he'd want to go, anyways.

Speaker 1 God, Schoenice. We should do a deep dive on Shoe Nice sometime.
We should have him on.

Speaker 3 He must have been like the most popular kid at his elementary school lunch table. Just call on.

Speaker 1 I just googled Shoe Nice. Shoe Nice eats two Elmer Gloos things.
Yes,

Speaker 6 those are the ones that always stuck out to me.

Speaker 1 We should get him on. Should we get Shoe Nice on? Yeah.
Shoe Nice is. Shoe Nice.
I'm just going to read the most recent. Shoe eats three lit cigarettes.
Schoon ice drinks rubbing alcohol.

Speaker 1 Yeah, this guy is.

Speaker 1 Shoe nights eats a stuffed bunny's ears. Schoenites eats a bar of dove soap.
Almis glue isn't that dangerous.

Speaker 3 It says nontashi.

Speaker 1 Shoonice is alleged.

Speaker 1 Shoenaice swallows his earbuds.

Speaker 1 Oh, you don't be sick if he swallows his earbuds and then he just left the sound on so you could hear it digesting to a call. Yeah, Bluetooth? Yeah.

Speaker 1 He like makes a call and then you have to hear him shitting it out.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. Shoe nice.
Way to go, dude. Good to see you out there doing it.

Speaker 6 All right, last one. I'll try to get my boyfriend to dress up as you guys for Halloween, but he refuses to be Big Cat.
I'm PFT. Our dog is the Grit Week fan.

Speaker 6 Why is this? He and I love the show, and he has never spoken poorly of anyone except Billy sometimes.

Speaker 3 Tell him to dress up as Billy. Just put a Kirk Cousins.

Speaker 1 Dude, just dress up as me. I know that maybe put a pillow underneath and be like, haha.

Speaker 6 Slap on a mustache.

Speaker 1 Yeah, just do it.

Speaker 10 His boyfriend sucks.

Speaker 3 Wow.

Speaker 3 I don't think he sucks.

Speaker 3 I think she picked a

Speaker 6 Billy sometimes.

Speaker 1 Oh, maybe, maybe he doesn't want to dress up like me because he knows that if he dresses up like me and then he fucks PFT, that will ruin the podcast forever.

Speaker 3 Disagree. I would fuck me.

Speaker 1 Yeah. If you guys,

Speaker 1 listen, you and you guys.

Speaker 3 You'll make the podcast better.

Speaker 1 This is the way to go, Buffalo Bill. Would you fuck me? Fuck me.

Speaker 1 These people, if you would like, you can sign up for our me and PFT's OnlyFans, and we'll make it not weird for you.

Speaker 3 Love you guys.

Speaker 3 Billy, you have any closing thoughts for us?

Speaker 14 Someone asked for a poll the other day of like how many people turn this off, turn off Billy's closing thoughts.

Speaker 3 Because he said, he was like, because I absolutely do out of principle.

Speaker 10 I really...

Speaker 14 I think we should stop doing these.

Speaker 1 It's the easiest thing in the world.

Speaker 3 Just having one thing to talk about.

Speaker 1 Could you imagine being like, hey, 21-year-old, you have the ability to talk on the biggest sports podcast out there? And then he's like, it's a lot of pressure. Nah, I don't feel like it.

Speaker 6 What are you going to say to Jim Florentine today?

Speaker 1 I had no idea.

Speaker 11 Again, progressive jackpot, $1,500. Download the Playbar slot.

Speaker 1 Whoa, Jake. Good job, Jake.
Very cool, Jake. Love you guys.
We need to get Jake a mic.

Speaker 1 I'm talking away.

Speaker 1 I'm the one

Speaker 1 to say I'm saying anyway.

Speaker 1 Today's a motherfucker to find you shining away.

Speaker 1 Oh, I'm coming for your love of the dream.

Speaker 1 Oh, I'm coming for your love of the dream.

Speaker 1 Take on me.

Speaker 1 to be less to say.

Speaker 1 So I want to say it is

Speaker 1 buried somewhere a little way.

Speaker 1 Slowly learning that life is okay.

Speaker 1 Say after me.

Speaker 1 And I still stopped it to be safe and sorry.

Speaker 1 Take my

Speaker 1 love,

Speaker 1 take my

Speaker 1 It's hard in my kid to present five farm stool sports.