Jay Pharaoh, Hard Knocks Is A Bummer, And Billy Has A Secret Only Fans

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
On today's Pardon My Take, we have comedian Jay Farrow. Awesome interview with Jay Farrow.
We got him to do a couple impressions. He actually just kind of did them.
We didn't really make him. Yeah, it was in the flow of conversation.
But really cool conversation about his career, SNL, other things. we have hard

not We didn't really make him. Yeah, it was in the flow of conversation.
But really cool conversation about his career, SNL, other things. We have hard knocks.
We have playoff basketball, hot seat, cool thrown, guys on chicks. It is a Wednesday show.
Before we get to all of that. The Barstool Golf Time app makes it easy for golfers to find the best tee times at the best prices.
Stop searching all over Google for your next tee time. Start searching multiple courses in your area from one app.
It's annoying to have to create accounts for each individual course to book online. Just make one account with us at Barstool Golf Time and book all of your tee times.
Plus, the new reservation sharing option allows you to take control and book

tee times for your entire group. Earn golf time rewards every time you book or leave course

reviews. And then you can redeem those rewards for free Barstool Golf Merch in our store.

Download the Barstool Golf Time app now. Start earning those rewards and booking those tee

times. Barstool Golf Time app now.

Okay, let's go. Boy! Boy! Now in the street there is violence And then a lot of stuff Work to be done No place to hang I love washing And then I can't leave all on the sun Oh no We're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue And then we'll take it higher Oh we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue It's Pardon My Take presented by Barstool Sports.
time lapse of a stadium being built. It's not that hard.
Set up a camera. Walk away.
It's not that hard. I'm dumb.
I want to see a time lapse. I have a theory.
So the first episode was obviously all coronavirus, and that was a bummer in its own right. And then I thought, you know what? Episodes two and three, they're going to get better.
We're going to be like getting our juices flowing. Football.
It feels back. Here's my theory.
Hard Knocks needs the preseason because you watch Hard Knocks on Tuesday nights and then you watch the actual games happen and you like see what's happening on the field. You're like, oh, there's that cornerback that we keep hearing about who's trying to make the team.
He had a, you know, he had an interception, whatever it may be. And then it's this mind fucked.
It's almost like when you look up at a Jumbotron and you see yourself and you can't understand how you're looking at yourself on the Jumbotron, but then the camera's looking at your face. The time warp of watching something filmed in real time, we've lost that element.
So now we're just watching like, oh, let's just check in with this training camp.

Yeah, when you see a guy on a field in a preseason game, first of all, it's on TV.

So it's at 30 frames per second, right?

When we're watching hard knocks, that's on film.

It's a little bit slower.

What is that, Hank?

24 frames per second?

60.

60.

Or 120.

Probably 240.

240?

The point is, it looks a little different. They should just play some of the clips of the scrimmages in that tv format so it looks like i'm seeing them in a different times or a different parameter but i know what you're saying it's like a blend of reality and then a show that you've already watched it's like i know that guy i saw that that's the guy oh that guy got injured oh okay yeah i watched that real life.
It's just our brains can't understand something that's being taped currently and then played for us, but now that we don't get to see the other side, it kind of ruins everything. Well, it's that, and then there's also moments in scrimmages and in preseason games where you watch it on TV and you're like, I can't wait to see that again on Hard Knocks from the other angles.
Right. How are they going to talk about this loss that I bet on? It was Sunday night football.
The Rams played, and I stupidly bet on the game. And I want to now watch and see if McVay actually gets as angry as I am.
Well, the field is fast. Jerry Goff said that several times.
Dude, I'm going to bet so many overs. The field looks so fast.
The field looks awesome. That green just screams points to me.
That green needs go, baby. Here's my question.
Do you think when will stadiums, like what's the peak of new stadiums? We have to get there at some point. I think we reached in the Roman times.
No, but like this new stadium. Chained to a post.
No, but every new stadium is like cooler than the next. I guess the Rangers kind of ruined that, the Texas Rangers.
But like this stadium is insane. It looked like a hotel in there, the video board.
Like, are we going to run out of stadium innovation? I don't know. It's just a question I ponder.
What we should do is there should be a turf that is the exact same color green as a green screen so that you can watch it back and then you can edit whatever type. You can make it into a snow game maybe if you're watching it on repeat by the way speaking of stadiums uh if anyone out there is like me who loves to look at empty stadiums empty stadium porn uh we are in the perfect spot for all the stadiums in brazil that the world cup was played in they're starting to fall apart and it's fucking sick to look at right in china right now yeah it's just dust it might as well be be the ancient pyramids from 2008.
Look it up. It's sick.
Yeah, it's getting good. They're getting overgrown with vines.
Like, holy shit, there was a World Cup game here four years ago. How is this possible? They look like the Astrodome.
Yeah. But yeah, you're right.
Like four years ago, they were the most happening place on Earth. Might have been eight.
Eight years ago. I can't keep track of time anymore.
Where's the World Cup last four years ago uh four years ago it was in france

one united states was it was as far away from the united states that was when i was gonna drive oh there was support oh yeah there was that was like 2014 i feel like no we had a world london two years ago france won two years ago mbappe where did they win was it germany then So the other one would have been six years ago.

It was Russia.

Brazil was six years ago.

It was Russia, right?

You had Bob Blake.

Russia.

Yeah.

And then...

And then so six years ago. So yeah, we're a prime, prime World Cup.
God damn it. Time just escapes us.
All right, other notes from Hard Knocks. The toothpick guy.
The toothpick guy, cool. I've been thinking about it.
Have you ever been a toothpick guy? Yes, I've tried. Being a toothpick guy, that guy's got all the answers.
Dude, Razor Ramon. There's something going on with a toothpick.
That's actually. Literally, who's the bad guy? So the guy that plays defensive back on the Rams, I still don't remember his name, but I know that there's an undrafted free agent who's a toothpick guy.
He stands out a little bit just like that for his coaches. They're like, oh, who's that guy? Oh, he's the toothpick guy.
Yes. We had Melvin Ingram with the rare sitting in.
Not sitting out. He's sitting in.
Holding in. Holding in.
Holding in, yeah. I feel like, I mean, it seemed like everyone loves him, but I don't know.
It feels like you're kind of playing your hand a little bit. What do you mean? Like, if you are holding in and they're just going to, one day, they're just going to put his pads and his helmet on his locker and be like, why don't you slip that on?

He's like, yeah, you know what?

I'm just going to put it on for right now.

And then all of a sudden, he's going to be playing.

They're banking on him just being close enough to the field

and seeing a guy playing better than him that he'll just be like,

you know what?

I'm in next rep.

He was very involved.

He did get his contract done.

Well, they gave him guaranteed money.

They reworked it.

So now he is practicing and playing.

So maybe it worked.

Yeah, I guess it worked.

Weren't you thinking the whole time when he was going through drills and stuff

Thank you. They gave him guaranteed money.
They reworked it. So now he is practicing and playing.
So maybe it worked. Yeah, I guess it worked.

Weren't you thinking the whole time when he was going through drills and stuff,

it's like they're just going to trick him and put a helmet on him and he's going to be playing all of a sudden.

If you just call his number, then he'll just go in by football guy instinct.

I also liked – well, we have our first guy in Hard Knocks

that the camera's falling in love with,

that they hope that you fall in love with at home,

who's probably going to get cut, Johnson.

Yes, Clay Johnson.

His dad was Brett Favre's best man.

Thank you. in Hard Knocks that the camera's falling in love with, that they hope that you fall in love with at home, who's probably going to get cut, Johnston.
Yes, Clay Johnston. His dad was Brett Favre's best man.
Papa Brett. Anytime Papa Favre pops on a Zoom with you, you got to make sure that he knows that the camera's on first, if you know what I'm talking about.
I think that Brett Favre is officially retired. Seeing him, he is old.
There's no dog. Officially, officially, like the Wranglers jeans ads that they probably taped seven years ago that they keep running.
The what's it called? The copper wire. All that copper fit.
All those old ads that made him look like he's still young. This was the first time I saw him.
I was like, and he even said it. He's like, I think Clay Johnson was like, you look like a million bucks.
Like, I feel like five. He's like, yeah, dude, you actually look like five.
Yeah, it is the first time that we've seen him without a golden retriever next to him or without him throwing a pass to a 17-year-old. Right, and his arms weren't busting out, and he just had gray hair.
So I'm going to call it Edwarder. You can leave Mississippi.
It's over. Brett Favre has retired.
Does Bus Cook have any more clients, or is it just Brett Favre? I know he was Jay's agent.

I think he's got a bunch.

Yeah, it's got to break old Bus' heart.

Yeah.

Finally not getting any more calls for him.

Terod Taylor, the cuck god, they brought that up, how he got cucked by Josh Allen,

then got cucked by Baker Mayfield, and now he's about to get cucked a third time.

By Justin Herbert. By Justin Herbert.

It's hot in the streets now, though, cucking.

Yeah, it is.

By the way, I'm staying up for cuck rights. Enough cuck shaming, okay? It happens.
People get cucked a third time by Justin Herbert. It's hot in the streets now, though, cucking.
Yeah, it is. By the way, I'm staying up for cuck rights.
Enough cuck shaming, okay? It happens. People get cucked.
Whether it's your pool boy, Justin Herbert looks like a pool boy, or a SoulCycle instructor. These things happen in real life, okay? So back off.
Yeah. We're not bringing that up for any reason.
Just back off. Just back off.
I mean, I think that there's been an overload of cuck shaming going on recently. Yeah.
Just back off, guys. Shit happens.
It's not a big deal. What, Billy? And don't cucker shame.
Yeah, right. If you're the one who's fucking.
Yeah, right. Don't shame.
Right. Right.
It takes two to tango. Three.
Well, it's not. Billy's not breaking up a family.
No. He fucked a milf over the weekend.
And a frog. All right, Hank, no, he didn't.
All I was going to say, I think I just kind of realized this. Billy's totally going to tell me to cut that later.
We're not going to. I think part of the reason is, like, obviously the COVID stuff, but I think the fact that there's so many NBA and NHL playoffs, like my dumb brain thinks it's April half half the time because i think that also true lens part of like it's still not even though it is preseason it's august it's like gearing up for football the fact that there's all these other sports on like it doesn't quite feel like it's pre like yeah preseason football this is a great point it is something that the nfl would do to another sports organization though like have their games bleed into a season that's not typically theirs just to dominate the spring but it is true like by by late August usually you know either your baseball team's in or out you kind of have a feeling about that and then it's like all right it's football coming up um wait a second are we just have we just been had for the last like 10 years has hard knocks always been like this no I've just been so star I think the Jumbotron thing I was talking about, where you watch it happen in real life, you're like, oh, shit, dude, how did they get that in there so quickly? That is cool, but Hank brings up a good point.
Hard Knocks is a lot better when you don't have any real sports to compare it to. Yes.
All right, so we do have real sports. Let's talk about it.
The Jazz and Nuggets, let's give some shine. People were upset that we taped before the end of the game on Sunday night.
I have to admit fully, I think the Jazz and the Nuggets are the exact same team. I agree.
Thank you for saying that. They're from the same area, both altitude, kind of similar colors.
Like, I just, if you tell me Jazz, Nuggets, Nuggets, Jazz, I'm just like, yeah, those are all the same guys. Like, if you just list the names, I'm like, you could donovan mitchell's on the nuggets i'm like sure i don't you know they just blend together and neither of them are winning the championship right correct let's be honest the jerseys are very similar too you're right they are if the jazz the whole if the jazz brought back the old school like john stockton uniforms that had the like icy mountains in them and shit that would be cool i could differentiate between those games they.
But right now... Yeah, they did.
They actually did. Tonight? No, no, no.
It was not tonight. A couple weeks ago.
Yeah, so they should bring them back for the playoffs because right now, Big Cat's right. It's like, yeah, each team has a couple talented big guys, one good guard, and that's about it.
Don Nelson and George Carl might as well be coaching these teams. The only difference, the only way that you can tell the difference between the two teams is the Jazz fans want to fight every player and the Nuggets fans are kind of chill because it's Denver and they're probably high.
They're really stoned. That's really it.
So when you don't have fans, it really blurs the lines. But the game was good.
The Nuggets obviously survived. Jokic, did you see his first quarter? 21 points.
8 for 8. 5 for 5 from the 3.

That's how you set the tone. And then Jamal Murray's

360 layup was fucking

sick. He had 42 points.

I think he's gone back-to-back 40 points, zero

turnovers. Hot take.
I like 360

layups, but in 360 dunks. Dude, it was sick.

It was so sick. So that actually is now

kind of a series.

And it has been a good series.

The Jazz have been just like shooting the shit out of

the ball. And I guess the

Nuggets, I mean, good. I almost did the thanks

I'm sorry. kind of a series uh and it has been a good series the jazz have been just like shooting the shit out of the ball and uh i guess the nuggets i mean good i almost did the thanks for coming out nuggets tweet i wish i had because then they came back and they look like they were dead in the water um we have so do we want to talk about the end of the blazers the re-emergence of playoff p the no let's talk about the end of the blazers okay it's over.
Yeah, well, because Dame Lillard got hurt. Yeah, right.
He's out. He's got a sprainty.
So the Lakers just shitting down their throats. This is a series that all hinged on Dame Lillard's health.
Yes, correct. Yeah, a fully healthy Blazers, I think, beats this Lakers team in three.
I often find myself in this spot where I have a take and I'm the only one who has anything at risk because everyone else can just be like, it was just a joke. When do you have a risk? I did actually bet the Lakers to win the series and also I said that the Lakers, there's no chance they'll lose this series and everyone gave me shit after game one.
I just like the Blazers and I think that Dame Lillard is a great point guard. Blazers in five.
It's too bad that we can't see both these teams at full health. The Lakers are so much better than the Blazers.
I'm sorry, Blazers derangement syndrome. It was a fun story.
It was a nice story. But holy shit, the Lakers kicked the fuck out of them in game four.
That was, I mean, that was an ass-kicking. Yeah, well.
It was Kobe night. It was Kobe night.
It was Kobe night. It was Mamba Day.
With the knee. Yes.
Well, Dame did play in that game. Yeah, but he got hurt in the game.
Right, after they were down. Yeah, hockey top.
Yeah, that's right, Hank. Did he get hurt in the first quarter when they were down 15-0? There may have been a pre-existing injury.
Got it. In fact, I think his other knee was injured, and that's what made the other knee get even more injured, overcompensation.
Look it up. So how do you feel about your Blazers in five prediction? I think we'll see.
I think history is going to be the final judge of that take. At very worst-case scenario it's better than Charles Barkley's Blazers and four predictions.
True. Good point.
I'm more of an expert than the experts. Doing the sweep after game one.
Listen, I'm not going to be petty, but I will absolutely be petty. I have some retweets I have to do after everyone tweeted me after game one and said that I was an idiot and the Blazers are better than the Lakers.
I'm just glad we got that one in.

You know, we won the most important game.

Yes.

When everybody was fresh.

Game one.

Yep.

So, yes, the Clippers are flexing their muscles right now on the Mavs.

This is kind of the disappointing thing about, like, when you have that underdog and they have an incredible performance.

And Luka was so fucking good on Sunday. And you're like, oh, could the Mavs do it? And then the Clippers are like, nah, we're way, way better.
We just need to focus a little bit. Ain't no poor Zingas.
And Playoff P is back. Yeah, Playoff P is back big time.
What does he have, like, 29 points right now? That was the easiest bet of all time. It was taking these Clippers.
Like, after all the slander, going at Playoff P, which is well-deserved. Don't get me wrong.
He figured out. He said he just needed to make more shots.
Yes, he made bad shots. 10 for 16 tonight.
He didn't make his shots last time. He said that after the game.
He corrected himself, saying, if I make more shots, I have a better game. Facts.
Sometimes it's not simple. Playoff P is back.
I just want this series to go 7. So far, I think this is my favorite series of the playoffs.
If this goes seven, then how are they doing the rest in between? I think they're playing pretty quickly. Because hockey is just advancing to the next round.
Yeah, I think they're going like two or three. I mean, the Celtics and Raptors played Thursday night, and that ended, what, Sunday? You know what's funny? The Bucs and the Magic still are going on.
That's weird. That is weird.
Because the Magic won game one, and then the Bucs have just killed them the last three games. So that's kind of a weird, hey, remember, that series is still going? Did you see Mike Greenberg's actual dumb rule today? No.
I can't hate on it too much because it's not that bad, but he thinks that every team in the lottery should have the exact same chance of winning the lottery. And he also thinks that if you lose in the first round, you go into the lottery also, and also they're getting rid of the lottery machine, and they should bring back the envelope.
That's actually not a crazy, crazy idea. That's actually been talked about because it would basically take away tanking.
It's the anti-tank rule. Because if you just get in the lottery, you just are in the lottery.
If you're in the playoffs, you shouldn't get a chance at the lottery. Yeah, no, I agree with that.
But I don't think that's that crazy to say, No, no. If you're in the playoffs, you shouldn't get a chance at the lottery.
Yeah, no, I agree with that.

But I don't think that's that crazy to say, like,

if you don't make the playoffs, everyone has the same odds so that no one can tank.

Yeah, I don't hate that at all.

I mean, it would suck if your team really sucks

and can never get good again.

But I guess that kind of happens all the time in sports.

Let's see.

Anything else?

Hockey Hank. We got a Hockey hank update bruins lost in overtime gotta gotta get the puck out of the check yeah yeah and there's the guy from the blues yeah what big rig i also think i'm starting to think i'm just gonna circle one islanders team of destiny i'm gonna circle it why say that i don't know just feeling it Barry Trotz.
Yeah, and I just, I don't know I'm going to circle it. Why say that? I don't know.
Just feeling it. Barry trots.
Yeah. And I just, I just, I don't know.
Just going to circle it. Just going to circle it.
Frank Borelli is going to be very upset that I said that, but I'm going to circle it. We have also more football guy news from Joe judge today.
Oh, Joe judge is a football gift that just won't stop giving. He did two different things today.
One. He said that he wants to take Daniel Jones, red Jersey off.
Just pop his pads a little bit. Just get him hit.
Let him know that he's playing football. I like that.
That would be an all-time Belichick disciple move if he did that and then Daniel Jones had an AC joint injury. Yes.
I did see that Joe Judge has support from Bill Parcells, so mission accomplished there. Yep.
You did a good job of getting the old-school football coach that's angry all the time to say, I like how he's coaching this team. Right.
If you had like a 90-year-old substitute teacher with George Patton's deceased heart in his chest, Bill Parcells would be like, that guy knows how to win. He's doing it.
Yeah. Get rid of one of these wide receivers.
Mm-hmm. Okay.
Oh, he also – this is also pretty good. He taped tennis balls to all his defensive backs' hands to encourage them not to hold.
I like that. That's the way they're going to learn.
I like that a lot. I fucking love Joe Judge.
Yes. And when the Giants play poorly and he gets fired after a year, it's going to be even funnier.
Yep. All right, let's get Hot Seat Cool Throne going.
Hot Seat Cool Throne is brought to you by Bud Light. Both on the Hot Seat and the Cool Throne this week is our friend Gardner Minshew.
Bud Light is on a mission to make Gardner Minshew the top pick in fantasy. If you pick him in the

first round, you can win a case of Bud Light.

Tweet a screenshot of your pick

with hashtag Bud Light

Minshew draft and hashtag

sweepstakes to enter. On top

of that, if you win your league with Minshew,

you can win an entire season's

worth of Bud Light. Holy shit.
I actually

love this deal. Head to Bud Light social

to learn more. So go right now, hashtag Bud Light Minshew draft and hashtag sweepstakes.
If you draft him in the first round and you win your league, you can win Bud Light for an entire season. That's a lot of pressure on Gardner Minshew.
That's a lot of pressure. We'll have to get him back on soon, and we'll talk to him about that.
Hank, hot seat, cool, Trone, go. My Hot Seat is a few Hot Seats all within this podcast.

Actually, I'm just going to do a Hot Seat for each of you.

PFT is in the Hot Seat because Dan Snyder joined Twitter.

Yep.

But he locks his account.

He's got a private account.

Also, that's Cool Trone because everyone can roast him.

Yeah, but he's just going to be lurking.

If you look at it, PFT has a potential buyer, future owner of the team.

PFT's got some cleaning up to do.

I have a lot of cleaning up, like my entire account, basically.

Okay.

Big Cat's on the hot seat because he stinks at Fall Guys.

Yeah.

Stinks is like subjective.

0 for 95.

Everyone stinks at Fall Guys, though.

89.

89.

And Billy's on the hot seat because he's meeting his hero tomorrow and he's like nervous beyond belief and is not going to know what to say. Jim Florentine.
Yeah, Jim Florentine's here. Is that your hero? How many heroes do you have? Because we just interviewed Jimmy Tatro today, and he was legit your hero.
Billy's a massive, massive Crank Anchors fan. He was, like, shaking earlier.
I have no idea who this guy is. Oh, yeah, that's bullshit.
You know exactly who he is. Way to play cool.
Smart. No, that's actually because you blew it today with Jimmy Tatro.
He actually said on the way out, he's like, who was that kid? And what's his problem? So, no, I'm just kidding, dude. He thought, yo, can I tell you something? He thought you were sweet.
Sick. Yeah.
All right. What was your cool throne, Hank? My cool throne is alive.
Tim, the two-man Taylor. Tim Allen.
Yo, he actually did say you were sweet. Dude, did Jimmy Tatero thought I was sweet? No, he legit said he was sweet.
That's like the chillest dude ever. I know.
He did say you were sweet. Like, seriously.
I'm not joking. He said you were sweet.
Tim Allen and the dude from the show, whatever. He's dead? No, Richard Karn are doing a History Channel show together.

Al Borland.

Al Borland.

Yeah.

Okay.

I'm in.

Sure.

Nice.

Is it going to be about the history of cocaine and Tim Allen selling it?

I would watch that.

I would watch Gangland Home Improvement.

Snitching?

Just a blacked out face of Tim Allen talking about how he'd just go backstage and blast

off rails in between takes.

Home Workshop competition show. Cool.
And then by the the cool throne is OnlyFans ah yes it's really just blown up in the mainstream these days Plaxico Burris joined today God knows what he's posting on there it came out that Bella Thorne the child actor she joined should we all made one million in one day should we all sign up for a couple just as a joke just for fun well I told Billy to sign up for Plaxico Burris' only thing. We should just get Billy a phone that he can keep with just a bunch of accounts on it.
Billy, that's a good joke. Billy, that's a good joke.
Say it louder. He's shooting his third leg.
Nice. You can say, is that a gun in your sweatpants or are you just happy to see me? Nice.
Oh, Billy's feeling good about that. I, OnlyFans, I feel so stupid every single time there's a swipe up on Instagram, like, check out this hot picture of me, and I swipe up and it's fucking OnlyFans.
I hit that roadblock four times a day. Fucking sucks.
Sounds like you follow a lot of porn stars. I do.
Are you a porn star if you don't have OnlyFans? Why wouldn't I? I mean, what's the point of Instagram?

Dogs.

Nah, it's porn stars.

Yeah.

I actually have a confession to make.

Yeah.

I have an OnlyFans.

You do?

Yeah.

And?

Well, ever since I wore my toe shoes, people actually started DMing me asking me for feet

pics.

Okay.

And they started offering money, and I actually set one up. It's Billy Feetball.
It's very entrepreneurial. Yeah.
No, I'm serious. Yeah.
Billy Feetball? Yeah, I actually like you go look it up. I've been actually making banks.
Good job. How much are you making? Like a good amount here and there.
No, tell us the truth. How much are you making? I've made around under $1,000, but over $100.
You've made like over $700? Dude, it was actually really weird. So like the one time that we were on the live stream and I was wearing my feet shoes, three people hit me up.
I noticed you stopped wearing those. Wait, so- That's the only first subscribe.
Well, because I can't get away that for free, dude. No, I'm serious.
You can look it up. Wait, hold on.
So you've made $800? Around there. Just selling feet pics to dudes.
Are they feet pics or the other things? They're just foot pics. Turns out.
Can I see one of the requests? Let me see your feet, Billy. Where's my phone? Oh, my God.
This is incredible. Good job, Billy Feetball.
You're going to get a lot of subscriptions. Head of the curve, yeah.
I know. Here, yeah, OnlyFans.
Are people like, hey, man, can you, do they make you put stuff on it? No, just legitimately pictures of my feet. Like, do they have you pose? Like, do they have you pose? Puppets on the toes? No, just, I just.
Like, make sure the lighting's good? Pictures of my feet. So, do you just pop off a pic, like, get out of the shower, boom, pic? Shouldn't you set up, like, tears, too? Yes.
Like, $1,000 for the full feet, like, extravaganza. Look, three feet, a foot fuck you.
Okay. Oh, my God.
This is so weird. Billy Feetball.
No, I'm not hating, dude. You're making money.
Dude, if one of these guys is going to track me down. You've got to make money somehow.
Do you do, like, Q&As? No, I I just take pictures of my feet how often do you have to update? legitimately like every night like before I go to bed and take my socks off I just take a snap of my fucking feet and that's the private pick for the night for these people are you dealing with like any subscribers who are getting upset like and asking to do more like hey where's tonight's update? like we're going to do that size 14 wide feet. That's what he has listed.
No, seriously, that's what they're down for. I don't give a fuck.
It's my fucking feet. Oh, shit, I just closed out.
Whatever. Let me see it.
I closed out. That's incredible, Billy.
There's no messages or anything. It just says Billy Feetball, size 14, wide feet.
Yeah, I get the subscription. Yeah, yeah.
You can't just get that for free. All right, PFT, what pft what's your hot seat cool throw my hot seat is my eyes because i'm looking at billy football oh my god yeah oh uh okay i've seen enough there you go billy my hot seat hot billy my hot seat is uh dogs dogs bro because bryson dechambeau got himmed up yeah big time in a massive, massive internet controversy.
He, I guess they're playing this week at the same golf course that he played at back in 2015 when he won the U.S. Amateur competition.
And so he took a picture with their golden retriever, Trigger is the name of this dog. And he said, this dog, this dog trigger was here and helped me win the amateur open back in 2015.
Well, record scratch. It turns out the trigger, the sweet boy was born in 2017.
So either Ryan Lochte owns this golf course and the dog has been one year old for the last five years or Bryson got himmed up trying to chase him. Internet clout, like a dog chasing his tail got caught big time.
I even did some research on this dog trigger. Cause I was like, maybe it's one of those, like maybe it's an Ugga situation where there's a trigger one, trigger two, trigger three.
No, no, no, no, no. The dog that was before trigger or the triggers.
Dad is named divot and divot works at a neighboring golf course. Okay.

So regardless of what happened,

and he's never been,

Divot, to my knowledge,

has never been on this golf course. So he's just lying.

So he's just lying.

For clout.

Got caught big time.

Dog clout.

For dog clout.

Fuck that guy.

Bryson DeChambeau.

Jesus Christ.

Liars.

Triggergate.

The worst.

The worst.

My cool throne is Earth.

Because remember that asteroid that we talked about?

Mm-hmm.

Turns out it's tiny.

Which one?

That's good. trigger gate the worst uh the worst my cool throne is earth because remember the asteroid that we talked about turns out it's tiny which one the asteroid that's going to hit on election day there's like a million it's tiny and it's not going to hit oh so uh that was we got freaked out about that yeah big time freaked out about it so scare tactics we're gonna survive mini mike they should call the asteroid mini mike bloomberg there you go that Yes.
It's small, and it won't hit on election day. There we go.
That was like 1.7 balls. That was good balls.
I don't know. Top of my head balls.
And Peng Zai. You know, Peng Zai, he's on my cool throne, too.
Wait. What's that? Cool throne.
Peng Zai. No, no.
Cool throne, Hank. I'll inform you, because Peng Zai, he's that Chinese guy that does a tornado chug.
Oh, yeah. The drinking guy.
Our friend Donnie does world. He is good friends with Pongzai.
Pongzai uploaded a video last night to the internet saying that he was going to probably be arrested. He's in big trouble.
He was crying, and he did one last chug. And then he went offline after that.
He was getting arrested for chugging, basically. The Chinese government doesn't support how viral he was going.
Too much of a bro. Yeah.
Too many beers. Yeah.
He yugs big time. Chinese government does not like that.
Well, as of two hours ago, Pengzai posted again to Twitter saying, he's fine. Don't worry about me.
I'm back. I'm good.
Totally wasn't arrested and brainwashed by the Chinese police to go back online and say that he's wearing a LeBron James jersey he was very excited saying how great China was he actually wasn't but I'm saying this could be like Pying Zai might be brainwashed now and he's now sent back with a green light to create content that is more China friendly so just keep an eye on that I can't imagine it's hard to brainwash a dude who just chugs for a living. He's just drunk as shit.
Yeah, just get him drunker. He can eat a lot too.
He's just got that. We should get him a Zillion Beer shirt.
That would be very funny. Yeah.
Okay, is that it? That's it. My hot seat is Chris Webber.
Chris Webber's on the hot seat. Chris Webber's getting roasted.
Chris Webber is out on an island. Chris Webber's a terrible announcer, and he's getting what they say as exposed because he's – I think it's just because there's so many games going on, and he's been calling – it feels like the important game every single night.
And holy shit, does he suck. Chris Webber is the Michael Scott.
Sometimes I start a sentence, and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope along the way I find it.
Like I find my way. That's it.
He just starts talking. So tonight he had two that were incredible.
He had he said he knew that Montrezl Harrell was going to have a good game. Why you ask? Because he was sitting on the bench without pants on.
Okay. And then the real Chris Weber.
He I don't understand how his brain works. it really is like he's the dude you just meet at a party

and he just starts talking

and you immediately are like how do I get out of this conversation

it's going nowhere

all like at the same time

he's just putting words together

run on sentences

and nothing makes sense please let me go

but then we get trapped with him for three hours a night

so his other one was Chris Webber

said the difference between Raptor Kawhi

and Clipper Kawhi.

I'll give you a guess.

What do you think?

Time zones.

Nope.

Hank, guess?

New operating system.

Raptor Kawhi and Clipper Kawhi.

Different uniform colors.

Nope.

Now he's much more of a veteran.

He's got that championship pedigree right now.

Another year.

That's what he needs.

He already had a title, but he had another title.

Thank you. Nope.
Now, he's much more of a veteran. He's got that championship pedigree right now.
Another year. He already had a title, but he had another title.
It's just another year. He's that much more of a veteran.
He's a conference title. Yes, that's true.
That's actually a huge difference. Chris Webber stinks, man.
It's tough to listen to. It's crazy, too, because Reggie Miller is actually the worst.
I was going to say, Chris Webber. He's living in the bubble so happy.
No, he's bubbling at Wendy's. Haven't you seen that commercial? Yeah.
Of course. Yeah.
So he's just been dodging a bullet watching Chris Weber. He said compartmentalize.
He said car compartmentalize last night. I was like, what is going on? I like it.
Sometimes I get the thought that maybe being a color guy on TV is a lot harder than we think that it is. But then you see other guys stepping so seamlessly.
Right. Shouldn't we be blaming that for his play-by-play guy? He actually is trending right now for the second time.
Like two nights in a row he's trending. Not good.
Not good. And it's hard to trend.
It's hard to be an announcer and trend two nights in a row without saying anything actually controversial. Like this isn't Tom Brenrenneman this isn't mike milbury he's just trending because he's bad just trending for stinking yeah like generally just everyone's tweeting about chris weber what are you gonna say jake yeah the job of the play-by-play is to steer the boat and then you're teeing up the call the analyst to make chris weber sits down every single night and looks at the at the play-play guy.
He says, I'm the captain now. And then just starts talking for two and a half hours.
Right. Chemistry has a lot to do with.
Who's his guy? What game was he doing? He's doing every game. It seems like every game.
In the ball right now, there's Brian Anderson and Spiro Adidas. Okay.
And Kevin Harlan. Do you have, like, playing cards with these guys? No, I've just followed them for a long time.
Alright, my cool throne is the Pittsburgh Pirates. Because the Pittsburgh Pirates got no hit tonight.
Lucas Giolito had a 13 strikeout, 101 pitch, no hitter, only one walk. The Pirates are 7-18.
They're the worst record in baseball. But guess what, Pirates fans? I'm going to help you out.
Nothing counts this year. You're good.
You are so bad. You're good.
Would it count as a no-hitter if you threw it in a 7-inning game? I don't know if there's rules for that. What if you had a pitcher that could go out there and throw, I don't know, 150 pitches, like a Max Scherzer or something like that, and you pitched him both both games of double header and did a double no hitter back to that would be and then they'd be like this is this is only the 15th time this has ever happened uh the first 14 times were satchel page yeah every single time uh 101 pitches though no hitter 13 strikeouts that's fucking impressive that's pretty good yeah that's really good uh i don't think i can name a couple pirates can you name any pirates uh andrew mccutcheon yeah it's they might be the least nameable team i all i all i got is josh bell and and gregory polanco chris archer there we go okay but it's it's it's tough when you just start listing pirates you're like wait uh barry bonds no yeah no there's no no one on the pirates how many years do you think the pirates could go drawing like 40 attendance never making the playoffs obviously and still be a functional team and not like have their owner have to sell because i feel like in pittsburgh you can get away with a lot in pittsburgh you're giving you're giving the citizens of pittsburgh a reason to drink during the daytime in the summer that's the Pirates are there for.
But Pittsburgh has long, long, long, long ago figured it out. If you have every single team have the exact same colors, fans will show up, watch the Pirates suck, and just be like, Stillers.
Yeah. They'll just look at the uniforms and be like, Stillers? If they happen to be good, then most of the people in town are already wearing those colors.
They're like, yeah, I suppose they're seeing. Yeah, right.
I feel bad for Pirates fans, but at least you have the coronavirus pandemic in this season being weird, so it doesn't count. The Pirates should just sell Steelers jerseys.
Yes. Steelers jerseys with their players' names on the back.
They probably sell more. Yes.
Billy, take us home. My hot seat, the spicy seat, literally, is chicken nuggets.
McDonald's is coming out with spicy chicken nuggets, and I think that's really cool. So why is that your hot seat, though? That is cool.
Because they're hot. Oh, your butthole.
The McDougats. Yeah, my butthole.
They give you a hot seat. Exactly.
Okay. That is cool.
That's awesome. Spicy nuggets sell all the time.
My cool throne is milk. Chase Winovich went off on a total rant about how much he loves milk and how much cows are beautiful.
He played for Jim Harbaugh. Exactly.
So he just went off on a press conference day about how much he loves milk and how his cousin's a dairy farmer. And I thought that was really cool.
All right. Bill, you're going to get a cow stern, aren't you? Maybe.
Chase Winovich is a pretty sweet dude, huh? Yeah, he's pretty cool. I actually have a theory about Billy.
He hits all the things. Plays football, sweet hair, named Chase.
Cool. I have a theory about Billy.
We hung out with him at Ruffin Rowdy, Billy. Yeah, he bleached his hairached his hair though.
My theory though is that Billy might be related to Kirk Cousins.

Because Billy tweeted out earlier

today, what was it? Creed's Greatest Hits?

What'd you say about it?

I said Alexa. Kirk Cousins is definitely

a toe sock, toe shoe guy.

Oh, he is. Oh, yeah.

But he's too much of a pussy to get an OnlyFans account.

You won't, Kirk. What'd you say about Creed?

I like Creed. You tweeted something out.
I said, Alexa, play Creed's greatest hits. Yeah.
So this was like four years ago. Kirk Cousins tweeted out famously, like, nothing hits like being in the weight room when Creed's greatest hits comes on.
You know what? Creed's good. So is Nickelback.
Yeah, I'm just saying, you guys both cook your meat like assholes. I think you might have some blood.
I've said before you look like if Kirk Cousins was like a Paul brother. You're the long lost Paul brother if Kirk Cousins dad cucked their mom.
We don't cuck shame here. I'm just saying you might be related to Kirk Cousins.
Well, I'll have to look into that. Look into it.
I actually kind of buy that. I like that.
I think that's racist. No.
Saying two people who look like just because we're white doesn't mean that we look like. No, it's not because you're white.
It's everything else. Okay.
It's the creed. It's the steak.
It's the toe shoes. Not being a very good quarterback.
Yeah. All the above.
The facial structure. Yeah.
them up that was a lot um all right you're wearing a you're wearing a fucking shirt of the state of minnesota right now billy you're kirk cousins you're kirk cousins you are kirk cousins um all right let's get to our interview with jay farrow awesome interview awesome awesome interview before we do that a word from our friends at cross-country mortgage cross-gage, America's crazy good mortgage company. They've been doing it since 2003.
You're probably sitting here right now. You're saying mortgage.
I can't afford a mortgage. That's a scary word.
Well, guess what? It's not when you use Cross Country Mortgage because they're here to help you. I used to work in real estate.
I know that mortgages might be something you're afraid of, but you'd be surprised how many of you out there can stop throwing money away, renting every single month, and actually start building some equity, some personal net worth by getting a mortgage, by buying a house, by having that American dream. And Cross Country Mortgage is here to help you see that through.
They can make it easier for more people to get the financing they need to own a place of their own, first-time home buyers military vets and people with less than stellar credit they're licensed in all 50 states and offer a broad portfolio traditional and niche loan products and when people buy a home or refinance they want speed and that's what cross-country mortgage delivers they deliver fast closings with a highly efficient process in most cases His underwriting is in 24 hours or less listen if you are thinking to yourself i can't afford a mortgage you should at least check them out ccmlens.com slash take check them out ask some questions they'll help you if you are sitting there and saying i you know maybe i should refinance is now the right time just check it out start finding Start finding out. Cause guess what? All the knowledge, that's the power here.
If you're, if you're going to sit on your ass and be like, oh, well, I can't afford any of this without even asking questions. You're never going to get ahead.
So CCM lens.com slash take CCM lens.com slash take. I was on a call with them a couple of weeks ago.
They are truly a mom and pop shop Really, really good people. Down to earth people.
And I can guarantee that if you hit them up at ccmlens.com slash take, they will help you out. They'll at least get you some more information.
Make sure that you know exactly your situation. Even if you're not ready to buy a home now, they'll get you on the right path.
Tell you what you need to do to buy a home and get that American dream. CCMLENDS.com slash take.
CCMLENDS.com slash take. Go to CCMLENDS.com slash take to learn more about your future home buying experience at CCMLENDS.com slash take to learn more.
Cross Country Mortgage LLC NMLS 3029 equal housing opportunity. Go to Cross to crosscountrymortgage.com for licensing and disclosures okay here he is jay pharaoh okay we now welcome on very special guest it is comedian actor uh former snl cast member jay pharaoh he's got a bunch of stuff coming out or out you're a busy busy man you have two minutes of fame which is out right now video on demand you have how to fake a war out right now video on demand and then bad hair that will be coming out October 23rd how I guess the first question is how are you like the busiest guy in the world right now when it feels like there's no movies coming out and you got three of them? I mean, dude, I mean, I've seen weirder stuff in 2020.
We just saw we just saw Meg Thee Stallion, who is five foot ten, get shot at by a man who is not finished puberty, who is five foot one. And people think she's lying about it.
So there have been more crazier things that happened 2020. I personally just feel like the blessings as far as I go are just showering down because I'm so appreciative of everything that has gone on.
This whole COVID, whole pandemic,

I've gotten a chance to sit down and really evaluate some things and really be thankful. And that's why I think, to answer your question, there's so many movies happening right now.
Just because I'm thankful. If I was pissed off, there wouldn't be any movies.
Karma. So Karma got you all these movies.
Karma got me the movies. I mean, Karma didn't film them with me, but I filmed them back then.
So in what order should people watch them? Because you just gave us three good things to watch. So is there a preferred order that we should go in? What makes you the most money if we watch it? I have, look, got i got moments i got fun moments in all these movies that are coming out man if if you want to if you want to take it and watch me in a different like a different different role i would say watch how to fake a war first i would say two minutes of fame second and then bad hair when it finally comes out you should check that out too in October.
And yeah, I think you should check them out just like that, bro. So two minutes of fame.
It seems like it's semi biographical, maybe not all the way, but it's, you know, you're, you're a comedian who's found doing a impression, you know, obviously people know you for your impressions, uh, or at least got introduced to you with your impressions is there an annoyance factor of people always being like hey there's jay pharaoh do uh denzel hey there's jay pharaoh do barack obama do jay-z does it do you sometimes feel like a tickle me elmo trying people trying to poke you to get the impression out I feel like that I feel like that in on Instagram when I do my Instagram lives people people in the street they don't really they don't really do they don't really do that a lot anymore it doesn't really annoy me um anymore it did for a moment but I had to like recollect and think about think about why people were coming to see me anyway. Like you, you're coming to see somebody.
I bought a ticket to come see you because you've done something that I enjoy. So as an artist, it is your job to be able to deliver that happiness to a person.
So if somebody came to my show and I didn't do Denzel Washington, they'd probably be pissed off. So of course I'd have to do that, but that's not the bulk of the act.
So I've learned how to use impressions to just bring people in to what I'm really trying to talk about and really trying to do. Because in the material, you can see who i really am and maybe before you couldn't see it because it was more uh character driven or whatever but now it's just like me talking about life and just sprinkling in the impression so i don't take it for granted at all and i don't get i don't get pissed off i just um i just accept it i'm like hey man you you want to see it it's fine you're gonna get these i'll give I'll give you some Eddie Murphy at the end, but you're going to get these jokes.
You know what I'm saying? It's a Jay Farrow gateway drug. You get hooked on Jay Farrow, and then you give everyone the, you know, you get hooked on the impression, which is probably like cigarettes or weed, and then you give them the hard stuff.
Then you get coke, and then I'll give you that, and I'll give you some eight balls,ets molly whatever i have that day before you know it you're like robbing your parents you're taking money out of their purse to go buy tickets to a jay pharaoh yeah all i did was see a jay pharaoh show now i'm addicted to everything yeah i like that is that different i imagine that's almost gotta be harder i would think maybe you can correct me but um if you're doing a show where you're sprinkling in the impressions, you can't have the impressions end up being the punchline. You have to actually work on, you know, what the, what the close of a joke might be.
Whereas before, if you just like knock a Will Smith out of the park, then that's the, that's the laugh, right? People are laughing at that point. You don't actually have to worry about, you know, making your point or bringing the audience back into the joke that you're writing.
Right. Because it doesn't at that because it doesn't matter.
It's like,

it doesn't matter if you're just doing an impression show. Like, and I respect artists that do that.
Like there's a few, there's a few people that just go out there and they just do,

they do an hour of impressions. I don't know how the hell, I don't know how the hell you can

consistently do that. Because earlier when I first, when I was first starting, that's what

We'll see you next time. of impressions.
I don't know how the hell you could consistently do that because earlier, when I

was first starting, that's what it

was. That's what it was.

I would have voices

and I would have them talking about current

events. That's what I did.

I would have Bernie Mac talk about

Justin

Timberlake whipping out Janet Jackson's

titty or some shit like that. Whatever was happening happening at that time that's what it used to be and it was it is like it is it's different now I don't say it's harder bro and the reason I want I'll say it's not harder is because it's dude I've been doing I've been I've been on the road for damn near 13 years now.
You know what I'm saying? So I'm used to, I'm used to the stage or whatever, but it's hard getting through your act when you have somebody who constantly yells out something for you to do and it can throw you off if you do not have the skill set to deal with it so what is that skill set do you do you then just in turn start making fun of that person directly yeah you gotta yeah you gotta yeah call them out say whatever like address them and get back to regularly scheduled programming uh-huh of the I mean, like, if you're on the stage and somebody is heckling you, like, nobody wants to get heckled, my G. Like, you wouldn't want to be at a freaking zoo and you shoveling elephant shit and somebody coming past you and they be like, hey, man, hey, hey, hey, hey, you got some shit on your pants.
Well, bitch, I'm shoveling shit. OK, yes, I'm a shit shoveler.
That's what I'm doing. So it's you.
Nobody wants to be heckled no matter what. But I will tell you that if you heckle me, be prepared because I will.
I don't have jokes. I have disrespectful statements.
And that's what i say yeah i love it i disrespectfully say shit yeah i want to go back to the beginning real quick with you because you're from you're from chesapeake virginia right the tidewater area chesapeake virginia yep 757 okay so uh i want you to tell me who you think is the best athlete to come out of southeastern there's one correct answer, and then there are two very good answers. Okay.
The best athlete to come. You know there's, like, mad athletes that came from, like, my area.
Yep. You got BJ Upton.
You have Plaxico Burris. You have Michael Vick.
Justin Upton. Well, I assume Justin Upton because BJ Upton.
Justin Upton. Marcus Vick.
You have Alan Alverson. You have Alonzo Mourning.
You've got – there's a lot of people. So to be safe, I'm going to say AI.
That's the right answer. I'm glad that you said that.
And then the good answer is Mike Vick and Marcus Vick. Yeah, no, it's Mike Vick and then Bruce Smith would be another good answer, too, there.
But, yeah. Bruce Smith is – yeah.
Lawrence Taylor came out of my area, too. Oh, I didn't know that.
I forgot about that one. I would put him above Bruce Smith.
Yes, that's probably the correct answer. People don't talk about how good Allen Iverson was at football, too, in high school.
He's like a legend down there, right? Yeah. I didn't.
Well, shoot. Shoot.
I didn't even know that Allen Iverson played football. Look, that's the difference between Chesapeake people and Newport News people.
We call Newport News bad news. That's what they call that.
You stay away from bad news. So I was in Greenbrier with all the nice, with the rich white folks.
So it wasn't none of that. I wasn't really thinking about what else Allen Iverson was doing, but I will tell you he's one of the greatest basketball players that we have ever witnessed with some of the quickest handles and some of the best, most precise pivot movements ever.
Yeah, i feel like ai is one of those guys that if he came along 10 years later and twitter and like highlights were more widespread we'd appreciate him even more not that we didn't appreciate him then but like you know when james harden does something and it's slow-mo and puts on twitter you're like holy shit that needs to be ai more oh yeah they definitely they definitely need to do that man just to how quick the man was he's so he's so quick he was he was so freaking quick and look good dude good dude gives back to the community you don't hear a lot you don't hear nothing you don't hear no negative stuff about ai ai is a ai is good he's a he's a good face for he's a good face for the tidewater area man i would definitely say that so for sure so you had um i mean i guess it was kind of public uh breakup with snl afterwards you said that you know uh you weren't so happy with how it all ended have you repaired that at all or you just did I say I wasn't happy with how it all ended um did I saw an article says Jay Farrow disses Saturday Night Live after firing yeah and that's where I'm gonna that's where I'm gonna correct you right now because those people that put out that article okay which which is clickbait the the headline is clickbait i didn't say anything in that anything in that thing like oh you know it was you know it was it was it was you know i just i didn't diss i did not diss anybody what i said and i will say it again i reiterate what I said. At a certain point,

you can be put... anybody what i said and i will say it again i'll reiterate what i said um at a certain point

you can be put in a box for doing one thing when you when you might be multi-talented

and you might not get a chance to show those other talents just because you've already been

typecast or put in a box hollywood does putting about Hollywood does that everybody doesn't that's they take they take what they think you are and they try to perpetuate that but you might not be that there might be so much more to you and you're not getting a chance to show those skills that's all I would say that's not even close to a diss yeah that's not even close to a diss. Yeah, that's not even close to a diss.
So we're going to fix that headline. Because that happens to everyone at SNL, or a lot of people at SNL.
You see the same characters over and over. You're this guy, you're that guy.
All right, so we're going to fix that headline. Fuck Variety for saying that.
You were wrong. Jay Farrow doesn't diss him.
You do understand we have to get our clicks in too so jake when you write up this interview for the blog put jay pharaoh this is snl on part of my take and then in the body we'll correct it we'll make sure that people listen the real reason i asked jay is because i was hoping that you were like yeah it didn't end great and then you could get to be such a big star that you then go back to host and then you intentionally bomb just to fuck them over that would be cool why would I do that just to be like haha fuck you guys F you alright Lauren I can't read I'm going to. All right, Lauren.
I can't read. I'm sorry.
Oh, we going online? I can't read.

I'm sorry.

I can't see the lines of the sketches.

Oh, I missed another joke.

All right.

So we corrected.

You would be so pissed.

Yes.

Yes.

So, all right.

So that dream is dead.

So we corrected it.

What was your, who's your favorite person to work with at SNL?

Cast-wise or host-wise wise why don't you both um all right cast wise you know it was me bobby moynahan love him taryn killum vanessa uh me and p work with each other sometimes loved working with keenan um a lot of the other players, you know, I mean, everybody was dope to work with. But the people I was closest to on that show had to be Bobby, Taryn, and Vanessa.
Because I came in with that class. Everybody else was newer.
As far as the host, I would say Drake. But he's not my number one.
Kerry Washington is my number one host to work with. I believe that episode that we did, you know, there was definite.
We broke some barriers and broke some records that episode. And what does my girl say? I wrote that one that episode and it was it was just she was and she was good she knew she her timing was great i would say carrie washington and then drake the drake episodes were were fun and then josh growling was fun too for me to work with when he came on the show was um i was just gonna say was it weird when it weird when you started working there and you immediately obviously took over doing the Obama impressions from Fred Armisen? Was that weird being like, hey, why have you been doing Obama impressions? Well, can you say it's weird? Can you say it's weird when I was on the cast for two years and I didn't even get to play Obama until 2012 because Fred Armisen was still playing him in 2010.
Oh, this is the juicy headline. Okay, cool.
Jay Farrow was mad that he didn't get to play Obama for two years. Right.
No, it wasn't. Like I said, it wasn't weird because they took their time with it.
They didn't do it immediately. The show, and rightfully so.
Fred Armisen, he's super talented, and it could have been anything for their apprehension. It could have been, oh, he hasn't been in front of the camera that much.
It could have been anything. I think things happened when they were supposed to happen.
Now, I tell you, I wish I was able to have more freedom with the Obama character when I was on the show, because I just that that that impression was something that they that they kind of locked down. You know, there was no there was no room for um room for kind of taking it and characterizing it you know yep yeah because i had a character called chock obama back in 2010 before jordan pu and michael keegan came out with the anger translator and i had brought it to snl and they didn't want to they they were like well how is that different from the rock obama and i said it's mad different from the rock obama first of all the rock's not playing obama second of all it would be just like it it's his subconscious it's barack's subconscious everything he can't say the rock obama is just throwing people around it's totally

different it's not the same and we never we we never got a chance to uh put that on the show and uh key and peel came out with the anger translator and they got emmy off it so i wish i was able to have more freedom with that character from the beginning to take it to where i wanted to take it. And

you know, and maybe I couldn't articulate

it well enough I don't know I was 22 man yeah come on you know what I mean I got that show when I was 22 right how does that work are there um like speaking outside of the SNL environment are there turf wars over like which impressions you can do and then like if

somebody else starts doing an impression that you're known for you got beef with that guy uh you mean you're talking about on the show right no no outside of SNL just like in comedy in general look there are a few people I wouldn't even say a few people there are some folks out there who view being an impression as a competition

type thing. Like, oh, I

gotta, oh, I got to compete with your old man. I do this while you do it.
I'm not that person. I don't give two shits if you do a Denzel Washington impression or if you do a Cat Williams impression or if you do a Jay-Z impression.
Because first of all, I know that my skill set is so elevated that you're not going to be able to touch it. Second of all, even if you do one better than me, I still have like 200 other ones.
So it's not, I don't feel ownership to any of my impressions because I'm more than that. I'm an actor, a comedian and a rapper who can do impressions.
And from that narrative and from that aspect in that regard, you as an artist will not take any money away from me if you do the same thing, because I have my fan base and i know my skill set i'm confident in myself and and there's no point for me to go back and forth with you unless we're unless we're on instagram live and i'm with my friends and we just having fun and we're going back and forth with impressions because i've done that we've done that but there's no there's no animosity uh with it there's not like man you you do get man you do this deal i do this ain't none of that shit and for people who think like that those people have probably still been in the same position for years yeah yeah what about if someone comes along and does a jay pharaoh impression doing a barack impression? Now we got a problem. I mean, that's called impression exception and also can be called a triple line tantra.
But either way, I hope that happens one day. I hope there's somebody who's able to do an impression of me.
Matter of fact, no. There's already that.
There's already that. There's already people who do impressions of me doing impressions, and they have literally told me this.
You can watch the video. Like Denzel Washington doesn't say all right, okay, two million times.
That is something that I took and exaggerated, and now everybody for Denzel template is all right okay my man my n-word and do the face i wrote the blueprint we wrote the blueprint i think when i do denzel i think i am doing an impression of you doing now that i think about it i just say come on jake come on jake that's just what i just over and over again but i'm pretty sure that's based on your impression of him it's definitely man it's spot on too spot everything spot on from the lip everything yeah you're good i just came up with a billion dollar idea by the way where you're talking a second ago you should do a rap album but every song is you doing a different celebrity's voice rapping that song already happening okay all right wait so you did you get have you ever been like called out by someone who you met because didn't kanye call you out at his own wedding uh about impressions kanye called me kanye called me on the phone personally but when he did the Made of America Festival back in 2014 and I had just done the MTV Awards he got on stage and said I called Jay Pharoah and told him about his impression he didn't do that he called me up and he talked to me he He literally had a conversation about himself to himself.

And I sat there the whole time.

Did you do the Kanye voice back to him?

Because that would have been incredible.

Hell no, I ain't do the Kanye voice back to him.

I said, shoot, if people got mentioned, I ain't.

No, hell no.

Hell no, I ain't do it.

Yeah, probably good.

Look, I am not a person, unless the person asked me to do the impression, I'm not going to do it like, yo, man, hey, Jay, I got a sick impression of you. Hell no.
Right. No.
No. So Kanye called me, and he talked about himself 15 minutes, and he went off.
And then that was it. And then I saw him again at the SNL 40th.
And he i remember him he was with kim kardashian and it was me michael chay and it was my agent adam genovician and we were sitting there conversing with kanye and all and two minutes into the conversation he breaks off and just goes okay me and kim are gonna go fuck goodbye I was like

well off and just goes okay me and kim are gonna go fuck goodbye i was like i was like well well you know i well you know kim i've seen her fuck but you it was just so it was so weird and obscure but people like that man i you know you know kanye's got kanye's got a couple of of mental disorders he has spoke about this i'm not joking about this i'm just saying you just have to be careful with how with how you talk to folks who are not stable sometimes i didn't know what state of mind he was in yeah i was just listening so i wasn't i wasn, oh, let me do an impression. Let me make jokes.
No, I wasn't even that. Because I was surprised he was calling me in the first place.
I didn't even know how he got my number. And then I found out I didn't.
And then the producers at SNL told me they gave him my number. I was like, oh, okay.
All right. Well, I know not to give certain people my address.
Yes, yes, yes. I had one last SNL question.
It was maybe the most relatable moment of your SNL career, and it wasn't a sketch. It was at the end of the show when Scarlett Johansson ruined the Mayweather-Pacquiao fight for you for you and you visibly i assume you had it on dvr and you were like what the fuck like i was saving that for after this is that what it was you were saving it um what happened during that time what was it yeah she I think I did.
I not know who won. Well, she goes, she goes up and she's at the end.

She's. what was it yeah she i think i did i not know who won well she goes she goes up and she's at the end she's like all right thank you everyone and she's like and and congratulations to floyd mayweather who apparently won and you're just like oh fuck are you serious and you like visibly i remember i remember that moment and i remember seeing it back and i remember w Wiz Khalifa putting both hairs on his face like Macaulay Calk in a Home Alone 2.
Yeah. And I remember being frustrated.
I don't know if I was frustrated because I put money on it and I lost. Or if I was frustrated that now I knew the outcome of what I was going to watch afterwards.
But either way, Scarlett Johansson, it ruined the moment. And I didn't want to know it.
And I think that's why I was pissed off. I think I didn't want to know it.
And she said it. And I was just like, God dang it.
And I want the money probably to somebody else. That's a messed up thing for her to do, though.
Like just minutes after the fight ends.

Yes.

She's on live TV.

You got to have more self-awareness than that. Yeah, but for somebody who doesn't watch, somebody who doesn't watch sports and probably isn't in that world, it doesn't matter to them.
Yeah. Now, me and you, if somebody told me the results of the Tyson fight with Roy Jones Jr.,

before, like, oh, Roy Jones got knocked the fuck, I'd be pissed off if I didn't watch it. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, absolutely.
But I cannot put somebody who probably watches, I don't know what Scarlett Johansson watches, but she looks like she watches you on Netflix. Yes.
She looks like one of them people. I can't get mad at somebody who don't know who's not a fan and just innocently said some shit.
It's like a little kid passing gas in front of you. He can't hold his butt cheeks together.
He's just loose. It's like your grandfather shitting on himself.
He's got a weak-ass cheek. He can you need to just yell it you need to yell it at everyone my dad is obsessed with not watching commercials so like if I call him he'll pick up the phone and be like don't tell me what happened in this game or that game like he'll say that before I can say anything because he's got shit DVR'd for weeks in advance like he's watching shit a week ago because he doesn't want to watch commercials.
So you need to start doing that. Just walking around being like, don't tell me what happened.
By the way, the Tyson fight, I can tell you right now. I'm going to spoil it for you.
It's going to suck. And we're all going to pay way too much money to watch two old dudes go around the ring and throw jabs at each other.
Hey, as long as somebody gets knocked down and I'm not as pissed off as I was when I was watching Conor McGregor versus Mayweather, I'm going to be freaking fine. Yeah.
That, to me, was like, it would have been more interesting watching Floyd Mayweather fight a dictionary than fighting Conor McGregor. Well, so the good news about that fight for us personally is we both were there, and when we walked into the stadium being fucking idiots, we were walking in, and the beer guy outside who was clearly trying to just get idiots like us to buy more beer started saying last call as we were walking in.
So we just started chugging and got so fucking drunk that the fight was awesome for us. And then the next day we we're like, wait, we're in Vegas.
There is no fucking last call. It was 7 p.m.
in Las Vegas on a Saturday night. We better stock up before they turn the taps off.
We drank so much before the fight. We thought it was the greatest fight ever.
And the next day, everyone was like, that fight sucked. Like, nothing really happened.
We're like, wait, we thought it was sick, dude. I was there, too.
Oh, okay. I was there.
It was a moment that happened there. I would say made me immortal to my father.
All right. We're sitting about six rows from about six rows from the ring, right? Six rows from the ring.
LeBron James walks in. LeBron James is big as fuck.
He's six, you can't miss him right literally if you throw a ball at LeBron James that you missed you have something's wrong with you you know what I'm saying he's a big dude he walks down the aisle he comes to me he says hey he goes what Jay? He walks away. My dad was like this.
He was like, LeBron James just talked to you. I was like, yeah, man.
I know him. He was like, I was like, you're so cute.
That's awesome. We had the same thing happen to us.
We were sitting next to Barry Pepper. In front of Barry Pepper.
In front of Barry Pepper. We couldn't remember his name, so we both turned around and were like, dude, remember when you killed all the Nazis? And he's like, yup.
Yeah. And we're like, okay, cool.
That was it. That was great.
I'm a big admirer of that. Yeah.
It's the same thing. And you bronzed your snapback cap from that day and also your whole outfit.
You did all of that. And the ticket, the ticket i think was like a hundred dollars itself it had holograms and shit on it and uh yeah but that was a fun night that was a fun night um yeah man i i saw on your wikipedia page that well it lists like all the impressions and shit that you do but there was one that stood out because i don't think i've ever heard it you do a stone cold steve austin impression oh yeah that seems like it'd be a very fun impression to do just like randomly not even like for people but just like for friends just to get a crowd go just get a room like amped up and energized give me a hell yeah what what give me a hell yeah you son of a bitch drink some beer kick your ass stone coat stun you what what Why?'s pretty damn good i was such a wrestling fan when i was a kid i used to three of them it was stone cold it was the rock it was the rock was one who's stone cold the rock and triple h when i tell you the amount of trash i talked to be wrong people it was it was it will blow your...
I told my deacon in church to know his role and shut his mouth and I was going to take the Bible, turn it sideways and shove it up as candy yams he thought he told my parents I said ass, but I said yams but I guess it's the same thing thing. You talking about taking a Bible, turning it sideways, and shoving up somebody's candy yams.
I guess me not watching SmackDown for the rest of the year was a good punishment. That's what I had to go through.
My mother took my television out of my room, and I couldn't watch SmackDown for a year. And mind you, we didn't have cable at the time.
So that was the only shit I can watch. And my mom took that from me.
Yep. Okay.
So that's your most relatable moment because we're around the same age and I've conservatively estimated that, uh, there was a stretch there probably from like 97 to 99 that i stone cold stunned like every single person that i encountered straight like like it was like an issue like he just keeps stunning people for no reason i'd say like 90 of my friends have been suspended for dxing a principal yeah right yeah that's walking around just when you're in like seventh and eighth grade you're just like no i dx him what does that. What does that mean? It means suck it.
What does suck it mean? I'm DXing him. Like, you don't, you don't think that far in advance, but yeah.
Principles principles did not like WWE. It's I actually, it's probably though, like our generation, there should be a study about like the attitude era on, uh, like nine to 13 year olds in that timeframe and and how we probably all have a great sense of humor because we go around telling each other to suck each other's cock.
Do you know how many times I 3D'd motherfuckers? Like me and my homeboy used to 3D'd people, yo. It kind of got bad.
We 3D'd the wrong person. They were in the class.
We didn't mean to we know but we 3d some prolific folks and when i tell you what i what i tell you every day we did it on hard surfaces like we i we 3d people on the on the gym floor it's hard as fuck it's hard you know you can't do anything you. So I'm surprised I didn't get in more fights when I was in middle school.
Because we're eating the shit out of people. We ain't care.
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Miss Danko. Hey, Miss Danko, come here.
I did a Bronco buster on somebody my freshman year of football. It was like during two days.

My coaches had some questions because they didn't watch WWE,

so they didn't know what – it looked like I was just wiping my ass on a guy.

Oh, shit.

It's so good.

It's so good.

God damn it.

It's so good.

Jay, I had – so everyone's got to go watch.

Jay's got a million movies.

He's the only one who's making movies right now.

Two Minutes of Fame out right now.

How to Fake a War out right now. Bad Hair coming out October 23rd.
I had one last question. It's a zip recruiter question.
Go right now. Zip recruiter takes care of your zip recruiting or your recruiting right now.
You can try zip recruiter for free at zip recruiter.com slash take. All right.
So we've had Kevin Hart on the show and I have a, I brought up something to him that he denies but i know it's real because i think i saw a clip there was a deleted scene in one of his movies where he had the line i just farted out of my heart okay i remember it because i remember watching it and being like this is the fucking dumbest but funniest line ever can you just please for me just do the kevin hart impression and say i just farted out of my heart he screamed it listen god listen damn first of all first of all uh listen I just farted out of my heart that's all I needed that's all I needed because now I could just be like no it's here here we go I'll just play it I might make that my ring. I don't even know if they have ringtones anymore.
They do, Akon. Yeah, that's true.
I had one last thing because one of the funniest things to watch, and you talked about growing up in a certain part of southeastern Virginia with all the rich white guys, right? Right, right, right. Watching Dave Chappelle, Richard Pryor, and I'll say probably Eddie Murphy, those were the three guys I think do the very funniest corny white dude voice impressions.
Between those three, who do you think is number one? Jeez, man. I would say now, just because he's still doing it, I would say it's between Eddie Murphy and Dave Chappelle.
But Dave Chappelle, he wins because he's active. If Eddie Murphy was actively doing stand-up right now, I would say his.
Oh, you son of a bitch. But to answer your question, the person who has the best white guy voice is me, motherfucker.
I have too many voices voices I can do John Mulaney I'm loving it Listen I have the best white guy voice And I'm going to take the crown in my next special I kid you not It's such an easy way to make me laugh Every time I hear that it's just so fucking funny Yes absolutely Wellay this has been awesome man we really appreciate it everyone go watch jay's new movies like i said you're the only one who's making movies so you gotta you're gonna just get everyone to watch it which is gonna be great uh i'm actually this is now perfect for me because i've been looking for something to watch so i'm definitely going to uh check out two minutes of fame this weekend but thank you man we really appreciate it really appreciate it. Thanks for having me on guys.
Yep. And also we'll cut the part where you said you hate SNL and Lauren Michaels can go fuck himself.
Right. That's exactly what I said.
All right, man. Thanks so much.
That interview with Jay was brought to you by three. Chi three.
Chi is the hemp-derived cannabinoid products. They sell a wide range of hemp products.
They've got CBD, CBN, CBG, and CBC vapes, lotions, and tinctures. All their products are the strongest hemp products on the market because they use more cannabinoids than just CBD to help you achieve the effects that you're looking for.
They've got CBN, CBC, and CBG. 3G is products designed specifically to help calm you, help you focus, make you happy, help you sleep, and soothe aches and pains.
All you have to do is go to 3G.com. That's the number 3, C-H-I.com, to shop for 3G's CBD, CBG, and CBN tinks, vapes, and lotions.
Use promo code PMT at checkout. Receive 5% off your order.
You have to be 18 to purchase. Go to the number three, CHI.com.
Use promo code PMT at checkout. Get 5% off your order.
The interview is also brought to you by Roman. Most guys have tried different ways to last longer, but thinking about baseball doesn't always work.
That's why the folks at Roman, they're an online men's health company. They're changing the game with Roman swipes.
It's the secret to longer lasting sex. Roman swipes are a clinically proven way to last longer in bed.
They're effective. They're easy to use.
They're fast acting, but they don't require a prescription. Roman can ship swipes to you in discreet, unmarked packaging.
And each swipes package is small enough to hide in your wallet for whenever you need it. The packet just goes in.
It's discreet. You take it out when you need it.
Swipe on. Go to town.
They're super easy to use. Take the swipes out of the packet.
Swipe it on. Let it dry.
You're good to go. That's it.
So go to GetRoman.com slash take to get your first month of swipes for just five bucks when you choose a monthly plan. That's GetRoman.com slash take.
All right, let's finish up the show. We have a little talking soccer.
Messi is requesting a transfer, and it looks like Man United is going to be the place. We talked about that last week, I think.
He was saying Man U or Man City. He officially requested the transfer today.
The transfer request has been put in. It's a Messi breakup.
Yes. I guess I'm going to have to be a Man U fan.
Well, we're going to follow Messi wherever he goes. It sucks.
I don't want to be, but I am a Messi guy through and through. If you're a Ronaldo fan, Ronaldo can never pull off a stunt like this.
You're a fucking loser. Imagine Ronaldo trying to leave in a contract.
Cristiano won a Champions League with Real Madrid and then left. Just saying.
So, Messi won a Champions League with Barca. I just saw Cristiano Ronaldo was trending and that was the first tweet I saw.
That he won a championship and then bounced. Is that good or bad? I don't know.
I see a lot of memes. Like, this guy said, how Cristiano left Real Madrid and it's him, you know, going out on top.
It says, how Messi will leave Barcelona with his head down. Messi can't do everything.
Cristiano Ronaldo left Real Madrid as a three-peat champion with a little Cristiano Ronaldo shrug. Yeah, they probably were all PKs that he kicked.
PKs and headers from the sixth. Yeah, why can't you find out how many? Messi's probably got like a billion.
He's got a bunch of everything except for World Cups.

Yeah, he's got a billion of those Champions Leagues, right?

How fast do you think an MLS team could win the MLS Cup

if Messi was on their team?

Just adding Messi on.

Two days?

Yeah, two days.

How long does the season last?

Well, the MLS is back now, and then they're starting again in September. A week tops.
He's got four Champions League titles. Suck on that.
I don't know how many Ronaldo has. I probably walked into it there, but I don't care.
But probably half those are Gareth Bales. Yeah, true.
Exactly. So four, and then he's got six Copa del Reyes.
Does Ronaldo have any of those? I don't think so. Ten La Liga titles? Should I keep going? Yeah, keep going.
Won a club record 33 trophies. He's got 6 European golden shoes.
How many islands? He's only cheating on his taxes. He's cheating on his taxes more than Ronaldo? He's better at cheating on his taxes.
He got away with cheating on taxes for longer than Ronaldo did. Mm-hmm.
All right. So Ronaldo has one, two, three, four golden booties.
And Messi has one, two, three, four, five, six. Count the booties.
Fuck yes. Count the booties, bitch.
Suck our dicks, Ronaldo. You bitch.
We might get killed for this. No, I think we're fine.
Soccer fans are crazy, man. Can you imagine how many golden boots that Messi would have if he was Ronaldo's size? Ronaldo probably wouldn't even have one if he was Messi's size.
Probably wouldn't have soccer anymore. Definitely not.
It would have been like UConn's women's basketball. It would just be as Messi bad for football.
Just ruin the whole thing. All right, now it's talking soccer.
Billy, anything that we missed on your sheet before we get to guys on chicks crispy cream worker runs donut through glazer 25 times creates monstrosity woman accidentally dies cat yellow i that wasn't an accident that's a fetish you pissed on that that's a fetish yeah you just wanted a yellow cat you wanted to you wanted to eat your cat like as a peep uh let's see joe judge mystery radio radio signal from space that's on 157 day cycle just woke up right on schedule so the same thing keeps happening yeah no fans you half the sheet is just no fans that's a bummer all right yeah cool good sheet all right guys on chicks let's finish up the show what's up big cat Honk, and your intern who definitely doesn't use steroids? My boyfriend's sister at the start of quarantine got bored and decided to get two baby ducks to take care of. The first few weeks, they were really small and cute, but now they're fully grown adult ducks.
My boyfriend got them a big swimming pool so they can swim around, and it's pretty nice. We've determined one is a male and one is a female because of their different sounding quacks and their size.
when we toss them in the pool, the big duck will try to get on the back of the small duck and try to mate.

But at the same time, the male will hold the female's head underwater to try and drown it.

When we first saw this, my boyfriend said to me, this is what I'm going to do to you if you like it like that.

At first, I thought he was kidding, but then he sent me a few pictures of large bathtubs and a question mark.

And he keeps trying to see if I want to come with him in the neighborhood pool.

Do you think he's being serious?

Should I be concerned?

Yeah, run away.

I'd say run far away and quickly.

Our resident Steve Irwin, do you have anything to say?

Paltry or tricky.

I recently got some chicks, and they do grow out of their chick stage,

and just don't kink shame. I don't know if this is a kink shame situation.
Ducks are very rapey animals, though. Are they? Oh, yeah.
They have corkscrew penises. Yeah, that's what I was going to say.
Sheesh. Got it.
Their genitalia are in an arms race against each other in evolution. Oh, wow.
Now the males have corkscrew penises. It sounds like it's an arm race against itself, though, because as soon as your dick gets too corkscrew,

you can't fuck anymore.

That's probably why the male ducks are so pissed off.

They have to deal with a crooked-ass wiener.

Duck vaginas are like mazes because they're trying to, like,

it's an arms race, literally, between male vaginas and stuff.

Okay.

You know a lot about animal vaginas, Billy.

I'll give that a chance.

No, it's really cool.

It's really cool with evolution.

You should be an option for animals.

Exactly.

Hey, boys, especially Cake and Henry.

Oh, shout out Cake.

Everyone loves Cake.

I'd bring it up to y'all.

I've seen some guys cross their legs and some guys don't.

So I've always presumed guys who cross their legs have smaller packages.

Am I just reading way too far into this or does that play a factor in I think sometimes it's just awesome to cross your legs. If I'm wearing shorts, I'll try to cross my legs sometimes because I don't want to put on a show.
I also think it's a fat thing. Like, if I'm sitting like this, it's just the fat.
It's like the fat show. Whereas this, it's like, who knows? He's got his knee in front of his fat.
Yeah. You know what? Like, half of being a guy is just learning to deal with the fact that your balls are always uncomfortable.
No matter what. I've never, no one ever has a good balls day.

Oh, I disagree on that.

No, I would much rather my balls be internal.

I've had balls, good balls days.

They just get in the way.

No, but you'll like, like if you're like in a pair of basketball shorts

and it's like, you know, 85 degrees, maybe you're free balling, good ball day.

The only time I have a good one.

A good balls showing for me is just if my balls make my dick look big at that particular time right but like when you're when you're when it's like nice and warm out and your balls have a nice size to them and they're just kind of hanging out you don't you're you're in the basketball shorts maybe a breeze there's definitely good balls days it's tough at work but there's good balls days hip flexibility hip flexibility is what i think the reason why some people cross their legs and some don't. So is it bad or? I have bad hip flexibility.
I don't cross my legs. Oh, so I have good hip flexibility.
Exactly. Nice.
I have recently contracted COVID-19 and one of my symptoms is I can't taste or smell at all. Drinking coffee and tequila and I can't taste or smell it at all.
Would you say that is a good time for me to start eating a lot of ass? I have never eaten ass, but I feel like this is the perfect time. Thank you.
Did the CDC said don't eat ass if you have corona? I can't remember what the guidelines were. I don't think they said do eat ass.
I don't recall that being distributed. It would be the time to like...
I would imagine if you can't taste or smell anything... But if your partner likes it, then once your smell comes back, you're fucked.
Just start making Shoe Nice videos. Eat like a shitload of glue.
Yeah, you can drink the nastiest stuff. Dude, people don't talk about Shoe Nice enough.
That dude. Takey presenter.
How does he do that? And his eyes are beautiful. You know who Shoe Nice is, Billy? You know who Steve Will Do It is? I know Shoe Nice once ate a whole thing of toilet paper.
He eats everything. It's incredible.
That kid. Yeah, no, I think so.
He presented the Takey Award. Yeah, but he's also one of those guys that if he dies, who cares? Because he's been eating just random shit.
It's not who cares. I didn't mean to Stan Liam there.
Shout out Mike Francesa. I meant if Shunice dies, no one's going to be like, wonder how he died.
It'd be really disappointing to find out that Shunice died at like 97 years old, peacefully in his sleep. No, he died at 97 years old choking on a tortilla chip.
Yeah. Like the ultimate irony.
Guy ate like 75 quarters once. I don't think that's how he'd want to go anyways.
God, Shoe Nise. We should do a deep dive on Shoe Nise sometime.
We should have him on. He must have been like the most popular kid at his elementary school lunch table.
I just Googled Shoe Nise. Shoe Nise eats two Elmer glues.
Yes, those are the ones that always stuck out to me. We should get him on.
Should we get Shoe Nise on? Yeah. Shoe Nice is...
I'm just going to read the most recent.

Shunice eats three lit cigarettes.

Shunice drinks rubbing alcohol.

Yeah, this guy is...

Shunice eats a stuffed bunny's ears.

Shunice eats a bar of dove soap.

Almish glue isn't that dangerous.

It says non-toxic.

Shunice is a legend.

It's non-toxic.

It's like marijuana.

Shunice swallows his earbuds. Oh, you know what would be sick? If he swallows his earbuds, then he just left the sound on so you could hear it digesting through his body.
Is that Bluetooth? Yeah. He, like, makes a call, and then you have to hear him shitting it out.
Oh, my God. Shoe Nice.
Way to go, dude. Good to see you out there doing it.
All right, last one.

I'm trying to get my boyfriend to dress up as you guys for Halloween, but he refuses to be Big Cat.

On PFT, our dog is the Grit Week fan.

Why is this?

He and I love the show, and he has never spoken poorly of anyone except Billy sometimes.

Tell him to dress up as Billy.

Just put a Kirk Cousins jersey on him.

Dude, just dress up as me.

I know that maybe put a pillow underneath and be like, ha-ha. Slap on a mustache.
Yeah, just do it. Your boyfriend sucks.
Wow. I don't think he sucks.
I think she picked a... You said Billy sometimes.
Maybe... Oh, maybe he doesn't want to dress up like me because he knows that if he dresses up like me and then he fucks PFT, that will ruin the podcast forever.
Disag me yeah if you guys listen do you and you only podcast better this way to go buffalo bill uh would you fuck me fuck me uh these people if you would like you can sign up for our me and pft's only fans and we'll make it not weird for you i love you guys billy you have any any closing thoughts for us? Someone asked for a poll the other day of like, how many people turn this off, turn off Billy's closing thoughts? Because I, he said, he was like, because I absolutely do out of principle. I really think we should stop doing this.
It's the easiest thing in the world. You just have to have one thing to talk about.
Could you imagine being like, hey, 21-year-old,

you have the ability to talk on the biggest sports podcast out there.

And then he's like, it's a lot of pressure.

Nah, I don't feel like it.

What are you going to say to Jim Florentine today?

I had no idea. Dude.

Again.

Progressive jackpot, $1,500.

Download the play bar slot.

Whoa, Jake.

Good job, Jake.

Very cool, Jake.

Love you guys.

We need to get Jake a mic. Talking away.
I don't know what to say. I'm saying it anyway.'s a love day to find you.
Shine. I'm coming for your love.
I'm coming for your Take on me Let's sing It's all I'm setting It's about me Some little way You Thank you. It's Pardon My Kid presented by Barstool Sports.