Shark Tank's Barbara Corcoran, Deep Dive With Billy Football, ARod saved Sports + Mt Flushmore

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
On today's Pardon My Take, we have Barbara Corcoran, Shark Tank's Barbara Corcoran, who actually, after the interview, liked us so much, she got our personal email address and sent us an email saying that she loved us and wants us to come work for Barbara Corcoran Incorporated. This was probably about two months ago, so I don't know if that offer still stands.
We've been going back and forth, actually. Yeah, awesome interview with her.
We have Billy Football and new, instead of Monday reading, we're doing Monday deep dives with Billy Football while quarantine lasts. So this week we're going to do a deep dive on Bears.

We learned a lot of Bear facts.

This is the only place you're going to learn a lot of Bear facts on a Monday sports podcast.

Well, initially it was just straight up hibernation, but we found out, and you'll come along this

journey with us, Billy took us to a more interesting place overall.

Yeah, we got all deep into Bears.

We found out about everything about Bears. We have Who who's back of the week mount flush more and more and before we do that part of my take there's making a sandwich and then there's crafting a sandwich and when i want something perfectly crafted i go straight to boar's head for over a century boar's head has been dedicated to crafting premium deli favorites every Every ingredient is carefully chosen, every recipe made with a purpose.
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Today is Monday, March 30th. The Final Four is set.
No, it's not. Don't do this.
It's the weekends that really hurt me. I'm actually fine during the week because I keep myself busy and there's things going on.
It's the weekends. I told you guys.
There's no difference between the week and the weekend. Yes, doing nothing is dead because all i do is nothing so i get so bummed out on the weekends i wish the weekends didn't exist okay all right let's let's restart this because we're going down a negative path right now no i want to do my alternate i want to i want to hype you up real quick no i was going to do alternate.
It was just going to be that A-Rod Corp has solved coronavirus,

so we're fine.

We'll be back in a minute because sports will probably be back

before you even know because President Trump called up A-Rod

on Friday night and, I don't know,

two greatest business minds in the world getting together.

A little powwow.

Master of never, ever testing positive for anything himself, A-Rod.

Boom. Look it up.
Fact. That's a fact.
Yes. He earned his pinstripes.
He's the new Yankee captain. In fact, A-Rod, I think we could all learn a lot from A-Rod in these trying times.
And that's just like, go about your business, project success, you'll be fine. What do you mean project success? He doesn't have success? No, I'm saying when you're a-rod winners of all time a-rod was great at alienating his teammates so much that he was natural so let me tell you a little story about a-rod pft a little story about sports here a-rod people don't realize i'm just saying i'm giving him credit he is the one to go to a-rod uh every year would buy every new player on the team every rookie who was coming up three new custom made suits he would do that he'd take him to his tailor he'd buy him three suits and say this is how you have to dress you're in the big leagues now kid and guess what that didn't get publicity because that's just the type of guy a rod is how many suits he got you big cat what'd you say how many suits he got you like 15 20 well maybe a rod should do that a rod should do that for all the doctors and nurses get them brand new personal protective equipment sure he will i'm sure he uh how did people find out about him buying suits for everybody because it didn't get out there i just told the story i'm breaking the news right now okay that's huge can i just let me just gas you up real quick because you are i know that you and hank both had rough weekends and i want you guys to be okay so like five minutes before the show started just wrote down some things that i love about you guys you ready sure okay i love the cat cave derby no way will this be a joke i love it it's not i love the cat i haven't watched it but i love there you go there a lot of joy.
I love that. It's not.
I love the cat. I haven't watched it, but I love.
There you go.

There it is. A lot of joy.

But I love that it brings you joy.

I love that you do it.

Well, if you watch it tonight, I was not happy because I'm.

I actually.

Oh, what happened?

I'm just bummed.

Sunday's bummed me out.

All I can think about is the fact that we should be getting.

You take it on the horses?

No, we should be getting the final four right now.

I'm telling you, the weekends are what kills me. Big Cat's living room has turned into the new Santa Anita racetrack.
He's just like throwing horses all over the place. Hank, I actually realized this day I miss your yawns.
I really do. I miss the sound of them.
I miss how weird they are. It's like, you know, in Good Will Hunting when Robin Williams is like, you know, my wife's farts, that's the stuff that I miss.
I miss Hank's yawns. I miss Bubba's Johns.
I miss his fits. My wife is basically a giant series of yawns now, so I'll just FaceTime you one day.
Yeah, I actually – At 2 o'clock in the afternoon. I feel like I'm sick, but I'm not sick.
Because you know when you actually are sick and you stay home because you're sick for sick for like a week and you have that feeling of i haven't been outside i haven't really done anything i have that without being sick and it's just this weird like kind of no man's land that we're all just living in at this point there's one for me there's like a part of like the natural procrastinator in me like likes to push things off but if it's like too long of a break right then i have nothing to like push it off till it's like oh i'll push it off a week and do it next week okay i could push this off a month and nothing's gonna be going on in a month i'm happy you brought that up hank because i've been thinking a lot about this i like this this whole two weeks that we've had off and it's gonna go for another four, has made me realize that I might never be able to retire because I'm a worker bee that needs to be working, except do you think I could if I had the ability to still gamble on sports at night? Would that keep me working enough? Because that's the part that keeps missing. You have to pay your gambling debts.
No, no, no. You don't understand what I'm saying.
I'm saying, right now, I can't maintain this life. I need to be busy.
I need to be doing something. It's driving me crazy.
It's driving my brain crazy. But if sports existed right now and I wasn't working, would I be able to survive by just gambling at night? And I think the answer is yes, but I but i don't know yes no i i definitely think that it would make all the difference in the entire

world forget about forward to forget about even just sports but like any sort of live event

happening anywhere just like i need life to be happening around it's like god has put us all on

punishment like god has grounded america or just the world he's grounded the world because probably

we didn't take like 3 000 years of thou shalt not kill seriously he's putting his foot down

Thank you. America or just the world.
He's grounded the world because probably we didn't take like 3000 years of thou shalt not kill seriously. He's putting his foot down, but that's what it feels like.
It feels just like we're back in middle school when you weren't allowed to leave your room and you didn't have a TV in there. That's what this feels like.
Just an extended period of time. Yes, it sucks.
It sucks. So, so I haven't thought about reading, but no, well, I, so I thought about reading today.
I picked up a book and it's come to that I was about to tweet out.

Literally it's come to this. I'm reading a book and there are no pictures,

but then I realized that all I had done was picked up my book.

And then I was like,

I should tweet that I'm reading a book and I immediately put my book down to

tweet it out. And I was like, what am I, what am I doing right now?

I'm tweeting that I'm reading a book that I haven't started yet. Uh, so yeah,

life is what happens in between cloud chasing.

Thank you. down to tweet it out and i was like what am i what am i doing right now i'm tweeting that i'm reading a book that i haven't started yet uh so yeah life is what happens in between clout chasing yeah it sucks it sucks but here we are um the only other stories we had that are sports adjacent besides a rod saving america which i'm sure will happen very soon um james dolan got the the big c the rona and uh nicks fans everywhere now we're obviously not rooting against anyone who has the rona we want everyone to be healthy but nicks fans they did have like three minutes there where our guy shams tweeted that he had the rona and then three minutes later was like he is not suffering uh or experiencing any uh symptoms at this moment and is fine in his Uber mansion somewhere on Long Island or the Hamptons or wherever the fuck he lives.
And that was like Knicks fans you could feel collectively. New York City couldn't get lower, and then it got lower because they were raised for a minute.
I'll say this about James Dolan and the Rona scare. It was a good test of everybody just to see like how cold-hearted and cold-blooded we really are and i think that as americans we passed it there weren't as there weren't that many jokes about james dolan oh not not that i saw i don't think you're following up nicks fans no i do and the prevailing sentiment was uh i really hope that he's okay and i hope that he does everything that he can to possibly focus on his health, including stepping away from the team and just taking the time, getting the best – put him on a ship, take him to Antarctica, keep him totally in isolation.
He can't hurt us anymore. No.
I think this is one of those times that your Twitter feed might be too NFL-centric because there was a lot of people who are wishing for him not to get better off of it. A lot of Knicks fans that were like, hallelujah, we're free.
So I actually think they passed the test there. I was like, I would, I would actually be worried for Knicks fans if they didn't have that reaction.
It means that they still have sports hatred in their blood. They can still feel passion about the man that has given them absolutely nothing for the last couple decades i saw more people reacting to the tweet that said but he has no symptoms yes doing fine angrily than i did anyone else saying anything else well when the no symptoms tweet comes up that's when it's everyone's like okay we can joke about this a little bit and it's good we're good You need to have that, like, all clear from Shams.
And, yeah, I don't know. Maybe I do follow too many NFL accounts because most of the things I saw were just people being like, I'm not going to comment on this, but you know what I would say if I wanted to comment on it.
Or, like, Cam Newton really should be signed by now as James Dolan is fighting the Rona. But, yeah, no, I actually was happy that Knicks fans had the reaction.
Like, reaction like i was like good you guys still feel the passion because i've said this before but the farther we get away it's we're in this weird spot where life is so weird but every day that it's weird it becomes normal because like today was weird but it's the same as yesterday so now it's normal right it's a new normal right and i'm gonna go back to what we talked about last week how we're not getting any medals or anything like that for sheltering in place doing that sort of thing first of all i feel like we should create a part of my take pandemic response team and we can give out awards or t-shirts whatever people who are staying in place because we do need to pat on the back and it's not our fault because i blame i blame boomers for giving us participation trophies so we're used to getting rewarded for doing stuff we we need a participation trophy for not participating in anything like a non-participation trophy we need to be rewarded with something like that yeah i mean i agree i've been been, I've been mad about it for two weeks now. I want people to start telling us good job because I'm, my brain is simple like that.
I can't, I can't continue to do nothing and, and stay in my house. If, if Andrew Cuomo doesn't get in front of everyone in his, uh, in his golf polo shirt and tell me, Hey, you're doing a good job.
Keep doing it. Keep it up.
I need something. I need the attaboys in the form of his PowerPoints.
Correct. I need Andrew Cuomo to open up PowerPoint and have Clippy come out and Clippy be like, hey, it looks like you're confronting a global pandemic.
Would you like some help figuring out who to give a pat on the back to? Hit up the millennials. That's what I need to happen right now.
I need to feel better about myself. And I don't know.
I've been going to some weird places. I got into sleep podcasts yesterday.
Have you listened to any sleep podcasts? Can't say I have. Yeah, it's just a person that talks until you fall asleep.
The Matthew McConaughey one? Well, no. It's essentially the Jay Mariotti show, but intentionally he's talking and trying to it.
That was a Rick Riley. That's a big time.
Hank laid me up for that one. But if you listen to it, it's actually like bizarre stuff.
You keep listening to it and be like, is this guy hypnotizing me? And all he does is he just like rambles on and he's like, don't feel any pressure to fall asleep, but you're probably going to start falling asleep soon. Before I knew it, that's what I'm going to end up doing.
It's just like competing against myself to see how long i can stay awake listening to put you to sleep podcast no i've been doing the opposite where right before i go to sleep i hop on uh twitter and click the trends about coronavirus and then just fill my entire body with like crippling anxiety so then i don't sleep well that's why i need to go to sleep it's super healthy it's been really healthy it's a really good time yeah like hey hey did you see that story about the infant dying in illinois that was a i had no sleep that night that was fucking cool like that's basically what i do every single night so maybe i will try the sleep podcast um and then the only other story we had that was you know adjacent to sports what is sports uh Roger Goodell thank god who would have who would have thought we would be in this spot where even the most adamant Roger Goodell haters have to say thank you Roger Goodell for holding the draft in in in spite of a global pandemic Hank you have you went to jail fighting against Roger Goodell, and even you have to say thank you for giving us something in this next month. Yes, but the way that he acts like he's above reproach and says that if anyone comments on it or comes at him, they're going to face harsh fines or penalties.
How can you appreciate that? Because he's a wartime commissioner, dude.

We're at war against an invisible enemy,

and you need to have a unified front.

There's no time for dissent amongst the ranks in the NFL.

Jerry Jones is already going insane right now.

They're negotiating a long-term deal with Dak right after they franchise tagged him.

These owners are going nuts.

They need a strong leader to keep them on the path to the draft. And we need to, we need to have some sense of normalcy.
So give me the draft. Yes, I agree.
I'm pro the draft. I'm just anti Goodell being like, no one say anything to me or else that's fucked up.
That's exactly what he should be doing because guess what? Then little piss ants like you start being like, Hey Roger, we shouldn't be doing this little draft thing during a pandemic.

We got to swat you away and be like,

Hey,

you know what the people need?

They need something that's not crippling anxiety about coronavirus.

How is that going to look by the way?

Like,

how is that going to work?

It's going to look great.

It's going to look wonderful on television.

It's going to look like they're sports.

It's going to look really cool.

And as the son of United States Senator,

if there's something that he hates,

it's draft Dodgers like you,

Hank.

Okay. So straighten up, fly, right.
Respect the shield. Please.
Thank you. Fall line, Hank.
All right. Did you guys see the video of that old guy talking about Warren Sharp tweeted it? Yes.
The Super Bowl groundskeeper. Football guy of the century.
And he was talking about how, like, the NFL shield. He basically, like, risked going to jail for the shield.
So, in that shield so in that regard opposite of you that that inspired me to respect the shield and he said he said when he dies he wants the the nfl shield uh on his heart yeah i mean so it after that it's hard for me not to have a little bit more respect for shield not because of goodell but because of that guy thank you thank you do you really not want the draft to happen on schedule no i that's what i'm pro the draft i want the draft like everything about that is good i'm i'm all for it it's just the way that could tell then had to be like and if you have anything negative to say about it like don't bother that was the best part of it when goodell is like if you're going to have anything if anything, if you're going to say anything in the press that goes against what I want,

I'm going to find the shit out of you.

That's vintage Goodell.

That's great.

That's great, Hank.

Anything that's close to what normal life looks like, like Roger Goodell saying,

you better not say one bad thing about me.

I'm all for all of that.

We need an enemy.

We need an enemy.

We just need normal life to return.

Roger Goodell being a dictator is normal life.

That's true.

I'm sorry. all of that we need an enemy we need an enemy and normal life to return roger goodell being a dictator is normal life i need i need goodell to like deliver pizzas to every single general manager in the nfl for draft night and they're not allowed to take a slice until he has a bite of his that's what i want i want yes i want fewer goodell back and in charge of everything and by the way i think every general manager in the league is freaking out right now because if we're being honest it's a terrible idea from a talent evaluation side of things to like have this draft when you can't go see him it's impacting like pro days and shit it what's going to happen is it's going to give the teams that have that have their shit together such a huge leg up on every other team that might not of investing invested in their scouts, all that stuff.
So you're telling me PFT, the teams might screw up the draft. I'm telling you that there's going to be true.
More screw ups in the draft this year than usual. I mean, all these, no team knows what they're doing.
There's no, no team has like great drafts year in and year out. It's John always going to try to draft Jake Fromm twice.
It doesn't happen. It's actually, if anything, it's actually good because they now have an excuse for why they screwed up their draft, which they were going to screw up anyway.
So it is actually going to be very funny to watch all these football guys try to have a Zoom meeting from across the country live during the draft. Like, if you thought that the Minnesota Vikings couldn't turn in their draft cards on time before it was all done via gotomeeting.com or whatever, imagine Mike Zimmer trying to figure that out.
Yeah. No, this is going to be the greatest excuse ever because guess what? They always screwed up anyway.
I mean, everyone screws up the draft all the time. People, I mean, do you see that stat that was, it's a little different because Cam Newton obviously is, well, he might be a starter, but it was seven quarterbacks taken in the first five picks from 2010 to 2015 and none have a starting job right now.
Yeah. But the pandemic will probably screw up their evaluation.
Yeah. That's the pandemic is going to be a very convenient.
They're going to, they're going to try to be re-signing Drew Brees for the next, like, 15 years.

This might be a time for my boy Sam Bradford to get back in the mix.

What is – is he on a team right now?

No.

Yeah.

No.

But he was the best quarterback in the NFL two years ago.

Completion percentage-wise.

It was three years ago, I think.

But, yes.

Yes.

All right. Let's do who's back before we get to Barbara Corcoran.

Then we're going to do a Mount Flushmore and Billy Football on the other side of Babs. Hank, why don't you start? My Who's Back of the Week is the Ozarks.
Yes. I don't watch the show yet.
I'm going to start, I think, because everyone says it's a good show. But I see a lot of people talking about it.
I also – the same way where I couldn't stop my brain from calling him Exotic Joe, I can't stop calling it The Ozarks. Yeah, the Ozarks.
People get very frustrated. It's a good show.
The show is mostly comprised of just Jason Bateman leaving places and then his wife leaving a place and then them arriving at another place and them driving away from a place. It's mostly just like getting into your car and then driving driving down the street is most of the show and then when that's not happening someone's getting killed so it's a pretty good show yeah it's um it is one of those shows that it's entertaining and i'm not going to give any spoilers but it's i don't i don't like i don't feel for any care like i'm not attached to any character like when you watch the sopranos youos, you get attached to characters.
When you watch The Wire, you get attached to characters. I don't give a fuck about any of these people.
But you watch it, and it's like there's drama, so it's good. I like the old man that lives with him.
Yes. He's cool.
Okay, that's it? I've also been watching Hunters, if you're curious. Oh, is it good? Yeah.
I started that one pretty good. I've got to watch it.
It's good if you hate Nazis like us. We are the number one anti-Nazi.
PFT called it The Avengers, which still has made no sense to me as I've been watching it, but I enjoyed that comparison. Well, to be fair to me, I haven't seen The Avengers, but I was saying it's like The Avengers, but they fight nazis from what i've gleaned online from memes about the avengers yeah that makes the same show it's like uh it's it's like inglorious bastards if they were all superheroes but yeah none of them are it's like inglorious bastards if they were all batman basically just inglorious bastards as Bastards as a TV show.
I know. Oh, fuck.
All right, PFT, what's yours? Okay, my who's back of the week is Britney Spears. She set a world record in the 100-meter dash.
She ran 100 meters in 5.97 seconds on a treadmill, which is four seconds faster than Usain Bolt, I think, ever did it. So congratulations to our queen.
We don't need the Olympics right now. Britney Spears has won them probably for the rest of forever because no one's going to break that record.
That's incredible. That's very, very fast.
I mean, she's always been pretty athletic, and there are a lot of haters out there that are like, well, no, that can't be right because she just posted a screenshot of the stopwatch app on her iPhone. It's like, yeah, and it says 5.97 seconds on it.
And then she put a picture of her running on the treadmill. So I don't know what the problem is here.
Yeah, I fail to see the issue. So who wins a race, you or Britney Spears? I think she could beat me.
Let's put it this way. The Raiders are probably going to draft her first overall this year.
By the way, did you see – I think Mel Kuyper said Jordan Love to the Raiders, which would be awesome because Jordan Love is like the perfect huge hands, big arm guy that the Raiders – still don't change much. Keep doing you, Raiders.
Love it. I don't care why the Raiders don't have Cam Newton, but...
Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I guess because he can't do physical...
Yeah, it might have something to do with the fact that he's bad now. Have you seen his Instagram videos, though? He's physical as fuck.
Yeah, he is. He's so physical.
I actually... I don't know what...
Time doesn't exist anymore, but I did read an article where it was like Cam Newton's shoulder is not the problem. it was actually his foot injury last year i can't remember if i mentioned that on this show it's probably a combination of the two no it was actually like someone smarter than any of us did like the mapped out his throws and it was all his throws to the right were his inaccurate throws and to the middle and to the left were accurate so his shoulder was hurt, he wouldn't be able to throw to the left, you know, accurately.
It was basically his plant foot and the right throws that were screwing him up, which was the Liz Frank injury. Okay.
So I'm in. So Cam Newton, the problem was the foot.
If you're John Gruden, I think John Gruden's actually just shy about hiring any single nfl player that has an instagram account after what happened last year with antonio brown true like if he hears the term social media around a player that he's evaluating he's like i'm out that social media it's it's it's the devil's work i've been recorded against my will once i can't have this again which was the coolest hype video of all time but um wonderful all right uh My who's back is my health. I'm getting back, boys.
I'm all the way back. I'm done feeling bad for myself.
I got the vest. I told you guys I look kind of like a cop in the vest or like a Brinks truck driver.
Do you have it with you right there? I have the vest, yeah. Hold on.
I'll put it on. Okay.
So, yeah, I was saying it looks like a bulletproof vest last week. Yeah, this is it.
Okay, that's pretty sweet. How many pounds you got in that sucker right now? 60 right now.
But it can actually get up to 100. So why don't you have the 100 pounds? Because I'm working my way up there.
All right, so I got the vest. I got the tactical glasses for my eyesight.
Then I got my altitude training mask in yesterday. That's pretty sweet.
Like the Marshawn Lynch thing? Yeah. It limits the oxygen you can get in? It basically just limits all the oxygen to your brain, so you suffocate yourself, but you also feel like you're training at a really high altitude.

So you're getting high.

Right.

I like that.

I'm at 18,000 feet right now.

I'm at 18,000 feet.

Into thin air.

Big cat addition.

I like it.

That's cool.

I just ordered a sun lamp today off Amazon because I'm sick of being inside

all the time.

I feel like that's probably going to help a lot with the depression that we're all going through. Right.
Just like being able to see some sun. Fun story about sun lamps.
When I'm, I have the worst luck, professional luck pretty much of anyone in history, because I got into the casino business January of 2020 and then this happened. But my other bad luck was I got into the real estate business, uh, August of, uh, 2007.
And then the world came down. But when everything was going bad and I was working in real estate, uh, my boss got a sunlamp and he was like, he was like, no, I'm fine.
And he would just sit in front of the sunlamp. I was like, I feel like you're not that fine.
So it seems like the history is repeating itself. So you're fine.
What I did today. Yeah.
I got a sunlamp. I was walking to his office and he just had this huge lamp in his face.
I'm like, are you okay? Like, yeah, I'm fine. I'm just, you know, just trying to get a little extra.
I'm grasping at straws here. Okay.
I'm grasping at straws. I'm just, I thought that the sun lamp was going to be the cure to all my problems.
Like no sports. That's fine.
Just go stand in front of the sun lamp for 60 minutes and don't say a word.

Yeah.

So, yeah.

So, history repeats itself.

We're back here.

This vest is really fucking heavy.

I'm going to do my ad in the vest, though.

I can already feel.

My heart rate goes up so fast when I put this vest on.

It's fucking awesome.

And I got my Fitbit, too.

I forgot.

I'm back in the Fitbit game.

Nice. So, it's like all these things I'm just adding up.

I'm going to end up being Superman. And look at this.
Ready? Check this bad boy out. See this? That's it.
Terrible job. What is that? It's bad.
What is that? It's a head massager. Okay, yeah.
You told us about the head massager. You like that? Yeah, to get your brain going.
Yeah. That thing's definitely going definitely gonna kill me here's what we should get we should get the uh electronic shock thing that trevor bauer uses to learn stuff fast i'm down i'm down i mean this one that one i should have it's like you know the old saying like never buy a cheap suit because it's just you buy a cheap suit and it's a cheap suit and it's gonna gonna fall apart never buy like a cheap electronic thing that you have to attach to your brain because you'll probably die.
I think that's the same. You've got to invest and you get what you put into it.
Yes, exactly. Let's do Barbara Corcoran.
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Okay, ready, Hank?

All right, here we go.

You're a girl or a boy?

I'm a boy.

Keep that in.

Oh, no.

You want to see?

I told you she's spicy.

No, I don't want to see.

That sounds like a leading question.

This is Barbara Corcoran.

You know her.

She's the founder of the Corcoran Group, and she is an investor on Shark Tank.

She's also a podcaster.

Business Unusual is one of her podcasts.

888-BARBARA is her other.

So you have gotten into podcasting.

You just dissed PFT, which was...

I just asked the question.

This is the art of the deal.

You neg somebody right off the bat.

Now you feel like you have control over the situation, right? No, not at all. Is that what it is? What are you, a shrink or something? Oh, we'll get into it.
We'll do mine. Did you see a shrink? No.
I spent a lot of money on shrinks. They didn't help.
Yes. All right.
So your podcast. Tell us what made you.
Everyone's got a podcast now. Why are you trying to encroach? We're not going and selling houses.
We're not going and doing real estate deals. Why are you doing this to us?

Because I'm better at it than you are.

And that's the truth.

Okay.

Yeah.

You know, everybody's got their sweet spot.

You know, we're good at certain things.

We're bad at certain things.

My sweet spot is I give great advice.

I always have.

And I think the reason for that is I've walked in a lot of shoes.

So you could pay your local shrink for advice.

It's all theoretical.

I've walked it, eaten it, done it, gotten over it.

And I give great advice. I just give damn good advice.
I know that. What's harder to do? Make a million dollar real estate deal or record one podcast? Oh my God.
A million dollar deal is so much harder. You have to put in long-term effort.
You have to get a whole team of people cooperating. When you have a podcast, you're talking to one person.
You say whatever you want. It's easy.
Okay. So I got this question.
So the, um, putting in, doing like a million dollar deal, when you have it all set up and it falls through at the end, are you able to

get over it quickly? Is that part of why you've been successful or do those kinds of things linger

on you? Honestly, it's not just me. I've managed salespeople my whole life.
I've had a thousand

salespeople. I could tell you the top 10 outsold and out-earned, 10 to 1 what everybody else was doing.
And when I really analyzed over the years what the secret ingredient is, it wasn't their connections, it wasn't their personality, it wasn't anything. It was exactly what you just said, how long they take to feel sorry for themselves.
We all do. I mean, we have blood in our veins, but it's how long it takes them to say, oh, poor me, and get right back up.
It's like my best people, including myself, had average IQs, or maybe even on the stupid side, because you're too stupid to lay low when you get smashed. And that takes a certain personality type, and that is what gets everybody over all failure, not just real estate deals.
That's the magic. That's the magic of people who succeed.
I really believe that. That actually is very, that works for what our favorite sport, football.
We talk about it all the time that you want to have that perfect amount of intelligence where you're just dumb enough to think when you throw a bad interception that you can get back out there and it will be completely different. Really? And like to have a bad play and be like, you know what? I can just forget about this and not overanalyze it.
Sometimes there's quarterbacks or players that are too smart for their own good where they actually overthink it and it's paralysis by analysis. Of course.
Josh Rosen is like that. So I'd be a good football player.
Yeah, you would. You'd do everything.
I think you're not lacking in confidence. Has anyone said you're lacking in confidence? No, but I don't think I'm going to be a good football player good football player honestly okay i've always thought that so i i had a background in sales i sold pretty much anything under the map you name it i slanged it i was the best salesperson i could be right after i sold something else why was that because you were bouncing off a high and you thought i'm a mighty man pounding your check i can do anything yeah yeah you feel that work yeah worked really well before two deals maybe no, no.
I sold cats. I sold used dogs.
I sold Christmas trees. I sold portable air conditioners, software, used cars.
And you know, it's funny. I wouldn't have bought any of those things from you.
Yeah. Not a single one.
And let me ask you, if you were such a good salesman, let me challenge that. Okay.
If you're such a good salesman, why don't you hop from product to product to product? Good salespeople don't do that. Oh, because there's a cap on my commissions when i was selling cats and so then i moved up to dogs and then christmas the higher the ticket item the more money you get paid also i found that the higher the ticket item the higher the dollar sign on whatever it is you're selling a lot of times it's easier to sell the expensive thing than it is to sell the cheap thing and why is that because the customers that try to buy a cheap thing they're focused on the price and they'll just walk away at any given second customers that want to buy an expensive thing they're focused on the other stuff that you can highlight for them you gotta tell me something i'm curious about you're telling me that you went and sold high price shit to people with that haircut uh no no you look different back that's a good point yeah because i wouldn't buy anything right now my only customer would be Kid Rock.
If he needed a legacy software upgrade, then I could hook him up. Oh, yeah.
Of course you could. Does it work when you're trying to sell something, you're like, this is $1,001 or this is $999,999? Because it works on me.
Not necessarily in real estate, but when you're selling product, it works. It's magic points.
$49.99 is a perfect price. Yeah, all right.
But if you're going to sell real estate, $9.80 versus $8.80, no. When you go over a million dollars, it's in a different category.
People search differently online, so that's a problem. So I guess there's brackets in everything.
Do you think that it would be easier to sell an apartment for $1,005 as opposed to selling one for $990,005? I will tell you one thing. I negotiated many deals in my life and I would be advising the buyer and I never let them go in with a 990 offer.
I always said, put it in at $990,045 or some shit like that. Why? Because what do you think the seller always said? Why that price? Because they've given it so much careful thought.
They've really arrived at exactly the value. They want to really come in the sweet spot.

This is what they have to offer, and they mean it.

That's taken seriously.

Well, $45, but it made them credible, made it seem thoughtful, that offer.

So you're not far off in what you're asking.

You have to really be creative in what you offer.

I would assume that at some point – well, I'll give you an example.

So I worked in a bar at one point, and in this bar they had a margarita.

They had probably five different types of margaritas that ranged from $7 to $15. And then they had one that was $100.
Wow. Don't tell me they sold a lot of those suckers.
Well, I was talking to the owner and he was telling me like what went in it. It was all the most expensive ingredients, the most expensive tequila they could buy.
And in reality, if they had the same margin on that cocktail

as they did on the $15 one,

they should have only been charging about $70

as the market went on it.

But they would sell more of them if they charged $100

than if they did at $70 because people were like,

fuck yeah, $100 Margarita, let's go.

Bragging rights for the guy who paid the bill.

Look at me, man.

Exactly.

But there's an element of you want to,

if you pay more money for something, you feel better about your purchase sometimes. Oh, absolutely.
If you could afford it. Luxury items.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or you feel bad the next day when you charge it and you can't afford it and you go, what the fuck was I thinking? No, you call the credit card company and you're like, my card was stolen.
And you're fine. Did you ever do that, really? Yeah, you can do that easily.
I didn't know that. Dispute the charge.
Yeah, absolutely. Wow.
When is the next real estate recession going to happen? I'd like to get ahead of that one. You know, there's already a real estate recession in New York.
It's called the billionaire recession. Anything that's multi-million dollars right now is sitting still.
Prices are being negotiated a lot more than the developers will let you know because everybody's afraid of the market right now. But the interesting thing, there's always somebody who's willing to buy.
And part of the real estate market here in new york city clearly right now is under three million dollars and the more under three it is it's a middle class market you know if you're middle class in manhattan you buy between 950 and three million and that market is hopping being overbid it's steaming up that's middle class that New York. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And that gets you a one bedroom, by the way.

No, sometimes a two bedroom.

Greatest city in the world.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you can basically sleep with your head next to your oven.

Yeah, but you know, real estate recessions, nobody sees them coming.

I was wrong in the last one.

I said everything's great.

I lost my shirt.

I was wrong by a mile.

I was wrong by a mile.

Of course I was.

Yeah.

But you know what?

Nobody knows a recession, so you're looking back and thinking, oh my God, look at that. Nobody knows an uptick either.
Oh, I should have bought, should have bought. They didn't know it when it was upticking.
Except Christian Bale in Big Short. Yes.
Well, he's a genius. Not everybody's a genius.
I read that book too. Yeah.
No, did you, so when that happened though, did you have any, you had no inkling that kind of surprised you as well, 2008? You know, it surprised me, honestly. I'm embarrassed to me because I'm an optimist.
I always thought the future was bright. Oh, just this, just this.
So did I give the best advice to people? No. Did I hold on to real estate because of real estate holdings I had? Yes, I did.
Because I thought, oh, thank God, you know, it's only going to be worth more tomorrow. Did I lose the money? No, because I held on for another five years and now it's worth much, much more.
So no, I was pretty stupid about that because love is blind. I'm in love with real estate.
I trust it more than anything else in the world if you could hold on to it long term. That's the way it is.
You hold on to it long term, you come out a winner. If you're forced to sell at different points in the market, you can really lose a lot.
Why is it called real estate? It's real. It's real.
What would you trust? You could put your hands on it. You could step on it.
You could live on it. You could sleep on it.
It's real. Bitcoin.
Bitcoin. Bitcoin.
Fake. No.
You're not a Bitcoin? Are you on the blockchain? I don't trust it. You don't mine? What? Mine.
They mine for Bitcoin. You don't do that? No, I do not.
Too scary to me. Don't trust it.
If you're trying to sell a condo, just call it the blockchain condo. And whenever you add the word blockchain onto something, boom, that's an extra million dollars.
Wow. Easy.
You know what? I would not work for you if you're going to start a real estate company. I feel like we've uncovered a lot of different ways that you and I would not work together so far in this interview.
I'm going to find one eventually where we're going to find common ground. I'm dying to see your eyes.
That's why I'm staring at this guy because I'm trying to see this guy's eyes. Well, you also, we have a history and if we know what happens when you stare at me, you fall in love.
You are a good-looking guy, no doubt. It's a sales technique.
Barbara, you're too much. You did this last time.
I know, but it's true. You haven't gotten ugly.
Please, please. What is your best investment in Shark Tank? The one that you look back and you're like, that was the one.
I would have to say money-wise, the one that I made the most money. Give me money and also give me the one that was most fulfilling.
The one I made the most money on already in just a few short years, millions of dollars, is Comfy. It's a sweatshirt that everybody should have.
It's an oversized hoodie sweatshirt named Comfy. And it sells for $39.95.
I thought maybe they'd sell 100 of them, honest to God, when these two clowns came on the site saying, I got this idea. I don't know how I'll make it.
I don't know what it will cost. I don't know who will'll buy it, but it's an idea.
So I took just 30% of their interest, just because I like the guys. They've sold over $70 million.
Wow. I'm looking at it right now.
I have one of those. It's great.
It does. You have one? Thank you.
I have a Patriots one. Let's see.
What's my margin on that for my 30%? About $4. Thank you for my $4.
All right. So this might be a stupid question, but i'm looking at it right now what stops people from it can you patent a sweatshirt it is patent the design is patented but your real question i think you're going to ask is what's going to stop people from knocking off everybody's knocked it off right thousand imitators but this is the original comfy and despite all that they're making a ton of money okay it's a big sweat it does look very comfy and that's a great name for it.
Do you put that in your equation when you see a product and you're like okay that product works but people are just going to rip it off? No I didn't even think of that. You know what was on my mind when those two brothers came and pitched I thought well these guys drink way too much.
Are they even making sense? I don't get this product and who the hell would buy it? But they looked like they'd be fun to have a beer with. I said, what the hell? For $100,000, I'll take 30%.
And the deal was done. You could do, like, Comfy 2.0.
And it sounds like there's some party guys. There's some party guys.
And so you sew in little pockets on the inside to put flasks. Can I steal that idea? Yeah, there's an entire marketplace out there for kids that are trying to sneak flasks and beers into crowded events.
Wow. Beer pants.
I invented beer pants in college. You can get away with that going through the radar? Really? No, no, because it's that guy that just goes tap, tap, and then he just lets you in.
Oh, that guy. So if it's a metal detector, flask can be a tricky one.
But I did invent beer pants in college, which is maybe something that we can connect on. Good for you.
You sew little pockets into just the cuff of the pants. You just put a bottle.
Are you making this up? You can see the beer. No, no, not the bottom of the pants.
Oh, because you wore huge. But he walked like a duck.
Yeah, Jinkos. You have to wear Jinkos to make it work.
Yeah, you got to look ridiculous, but it works. I like the comfy.
That's the story of my life, really. The comfy also could do a chilled hood because you know when you're really hungover and you want to put your face on the tile in your bathroom? Wow.
That's what you need. A line extension.
Yes. You can have a little insert and freeze it.
Yes. I'm going to steal that idea.
Like you said, I didn't watch that particular Shark Tank, but the guys drink a lot and they made what looks like a hungover sweatshirt. And they sang a song.
Yeah. They basically sit around they basically sit around dying on their couch on the weekend.
They're like, you know what we really need is something to die inside of. Oh my God.
I like that. That's a good pick.
I'm going to steal both ideas and give you no credit. Yeah, that's fine.
Okay, that's totally fine. Have you ever invested in something just so that someone else that you didn't like couldn't invest in it? On the show? Mm-hmm.
All the time. It's ridiculous.
I did that for three years. It's like, I'll be damned if Mark's going to take this from me.
Okay. And then I compete with that billionaire.
What an ass I was. Yeah.
I didn't do that for long. He could outspend any of us under the table three times over.
What about the reverse? Because Kevin O'Leary doesn't really get into a lot of deals. When he does get interested, well, first of all, when he gets interested, it's always bullshit because he's like, I'm going to license it, and I'll pay you this, and then I'll just make all the money.
That's his thing. Do really get into a lot of deals when he does get interested well first of all when he gets interested it's always bullshit because he's like i'm gonna license it and i'll pay you this and then i'll just make all the money but do you get interested when someone who passes on so many deals is now all of a sudden like oh i see something well you know i've taken out a couple of kevin's deals simply because i thought he was taking huge advantage of a nice entrepreneur i had no interest in the deal but it was like watching him slaughter somebody right but i only did that for two years and then lost a few hundred thousand dollars and said, I'll shut my mouth in the future.
Interesting. What is the one product that you've invested in that you wish you could take back? Oh, there's a lot of them.
Okay, the lipstick that makes you lose weight. Wait, that's true? That sounds like a great idea.
Sounds like a great idea, but guess what? It doesn't make you lose weight. Even though this burns the crap

out of your lips

so you don't want to eat

a hot dog next time,

but it's terrible.

That's a real thing?

That's a real thing.

That sounds like a high idea

that we created.

Or the dentist,

if he uses toothpaste,

it's going to put you

to sleep at night.

I tried it.

I was having a hard time sleeping.

I never went to sleep

after I used this toothpaste.

Oh, melatonin?

After I invested,

no, not melatonin.

Melatonin toothpaste.

Oh, wait, maybe that's good.

Yeah.

There was no melatonin.

So what was it that knocked you out? Hank has this. Hank has Listerquil.
Uh-huh. NyQuil and Listerine combined.
He literally has that. That's his idea.
This is great. I'm going to try both these formulations.
Maybe my money's not lost yet. Yeah, Listerquil has been a long-time idea.
Holy shit, Hank. That was just proven that you're right.
Wait, you invested in Hank's idea? I don't know what to take what to take seriously. No, he Listerquill is a longtime idea of Hank.
It's in beta. It sounds like you invested in Listerquill, but it wasn't all the way thought out.
It was a wrong formulation. Yeah.
It didn't put you to sleep and it tasted like crap. The only sad part is that it was after her saying her least favorite investment.
Well, that's it. You might make it my favorite investment now.
It wasn't successful. The formula wasn't good.
Your formula worked. she likes the idea barbara loves it she's in love with the idea it's the people behind it who would think i'd come here today and make money yeah i never saw that coming correct has there ever been a product that you thought was a no-brainer and still think to this day is a no-brainer but the people that were leading it were just all wrong for it and didn't work out lots of of products.
I won't name the products because it would put everybody into a hole of shame,

but so many products.

Like the guy who invented a bicycle,

that was the most stunning bicycle I've ever seen in my life.

Had to have it.

I should have just ordered a bicycle.

Instead, Mark and I each invested $500,000 until it lost all of our money.

What was wrong with the bicycle?

The guy was an artist.

He had to have the exact right little, this right little that. He 000 skews on the cap on the on the tire okay a guy like that never makes money he's an artist okay i've learned those lessons all right mark hasn't he's still invested in artists interestingly enough but i like look and i go too bad on him okay so what about the reverse what about someone that you invested in and their idea ended up sucking but you were like this person is so good i want to keep them around for something else going forward well you got cousins made lobster their idea was they just want to sell lobster rolls off one truck okay and they were happy it was a side business a side kick but when i heard how much money they're making i knew it was a franchise empire today they have 70 trucks 16 17 restaurants i think now they're making a ton of money, okay? I invested in those guys.
They were so smart, I knew they could figure anything out. They're just so sharp and lovely people.
I knew they were going to be winners. How often does it happen when you're out? Let's just say you're buying a product or you're at a store, you're at a shopping mall, you buy something and you're like, you know what? I like this so much, I'd like to own the entire company.
then guess what never happens give it really i buy a product i say thank god i didn't have to invest in this i just pay my 4.99 and get a get a pack of gum or something you know yeah no i'm never jealous of that i'm thinking of the things i see on the shelves that are all over the shelves that i know are going to be returned to the manufacturer that week and i'm going to have to give the money back that's the stuff i. I don't go shopping hardly because I don't want to see.
And the worst part, I'll go to a store and I'll see Lori's great product. She's the best merchant on the show.
I'll see her stupid little nickel-dime shit that she's made millions of dollars on and hate her while I'm shopping for my food. It's just terrible.
Yeah, no, no. I try to keep out of the stores.
I've given up on stores now. I don't like them at all.
How much of Lori's products, though? Like, I've watched QVC late at night. There's something about watching it, like, past midnight where you're like, I got to have that knife that cuts through a shoe.
Yeah, you're tired, you're bored? Yeah, the extendable ladder that goes up three stories even though I live in a one-bedroom apartment. Like, I got to have that thing.
How much that plays into into it? That's part of it, but honestly, she's got a great nose for picking products. I can't even remember the name.
I exit out of my head. When that guy came peddling a sponge with a smiley face, I thought to myself, what a stupid-ass product.
Okay, Lori made like $7 million within three months on it. Like, why the hell would buy people on a sponge? What's the name of it? I think it's the most successful product, though, on Shark Tank.
Well, don't even mention that. I won't on it.
Like, why the hell would buy it? People want a sponge. What's the name of it? I think it's the most...
Don't say it. It's the most successful product, though, on Shark Tank.
Well, don't even mention that. You didn't invest in it? I thought it was the most stupid thing.
Oh, that's... Barbara, you should have.
Then the lady with the curlers, this Indian woman walks in gorgeous hair with curlers in, and I think, oh, who even uses curlers anymore? Did that make money? Not me. Yeah, like $30 million on that one.
Damn. I'm with you, though.
I wouldn't want to invest in that rinky-dink shit. I don't like the idea of buying a lot of cheap stuff.
Yeah. I want to sell one big thing.
I want to get in the business of selling football stadiums. You sell one of those, you're set for life.
Well, you let me know when that football stadium comes on Shark Tank. We haven't seen deals like that.
Well, there could be one in New York.

How much do you think, as far as the real estate market goes,

the Jets were thinking about building a stadium in Manhattan like 10 years ago.

I think out by Chelsea Piers in that part of town.

Yeah, too bad that didn't come to pass.

We need it.

Yeah, that would be great for traffic, right?

How much money do you think it would cost to buy enough real estate

in the west side of Manhattan to build a football stadium?

God.

Just a land alone?

I don't know what the footprint is.

I would say tens of billions of dollars just for the land.

And you couldn't do it anyway.

Where are you going to get raw land?

The only thing you could do is fill in the Hudson River or the East River and extend the land front.

Well, people have done it.

The stadium.

Yeah.

Ooh.

Yeah, the stadium island. Ooh.
I like that. That's nice.
But what happened to Randall's Island? That would have been perfect. I've got another idea.
What's the one thing that we're missing in New York that all these other places, all these other great cities in the world have that we don't? Manners. Yeah, that and a beach.
We don't have a beach in Manhattan. How much you just, how much would it cost to get a shitload of sand and just dump it on the south shore of Manhattan and just have that beach? Beach party.
You know, the Hudson River is pretty clean. Your idea sounds wacky because it's coming from a wacky guy.
But I'll tell you, it's not a bad idea. Every other city in the world, it finds the water.
You don't have to tell me I'm an idiot before you tell me I'm smart. You can just say that's a smart idea, PFT.
Okay, it's a smart idea. Thank you.
You don't want to make comments. Just say, hey, it's a smart idea.
But it's a water before you tell me i'm smart you just say that's a smart idea pft okay it's a smart idea you don't want to make comments just say hey it's a smart idea but it's a smart idea honestly people would welcome it uh what my point was going to be uh what and then you interrupted me but i'll keep talking so you interrupt me again a couple heavyweights every other great city you go to and when you're on the water you're aware of the water this is the only city you're not even aware of the water when you're on the island. It would be phenomenal on the Hudson River to have a lengthy, beautiful beach because the water's even clean enough to swim in now.
It is? Of course it is. What about the East River? I don't think so.
I'd have to check that. I've got another idea for that.
You are a bundle of ideas. This is actually Hank's idea.
He's stealing your idea, Hankgolf. Right? We build a Topgolf, but this is my spin on it.

You put all the balls that you hit into the water, you hit them directly into the East River,

and they disintegrate over time.

And on the inside of the balls, it's algae.

So it makes the river nicer as time goes on.

So you're making green, and you're keeping the environment green.

Well, I'm out on that one.

That will never go over. People won't like the trash in the water.
No, it's helping the water. It is.
Oh, what about Topgolf? You're saving the planet. What about Topgolf and the golf balls are ice cubes and we lower the temperature of the ocean? Oh, that's practical.
I love that idea. I'll put millions on that one.
Fixing global warming. That actually would work.
This is starting to sound like some of the wacky pitches we heard on Shark Tank. I do have a serious question about real estate in Manhattan because in my neighborhood, I'm walking down the street.
What neighborhood are you in? The West Village. Yeah.
And I see all around me probably three quarters of the storefronts are absolutely empty. Right? They've been empty for the last like two years, year and a half uh how are the people that own how are people making money if they own that building where they're not getting any money coming in from the storefront they're not making money but you have to look at a different way there's a great opportunity to buy those buildings cheap people only hold out losing money for so long and a lot of these smaller properties are owned by small landlords okay i have I have the same problem, two buildings I own in the East Village right off Fifth Avenue.
I lost my ground tenant. They had two floors.
Suddenly I'm losing money on those buildings, each of them. What am I going to do? I'm going to turn them into apartments.
Sometimes you could do that and make the money and save your ass. But most times you can't.
That's a great opportunity to solicit those people and get a great deal on real estate. Because whenever there's trouble, it's best time to make a killing but when there's trouble people focus on the trouble but there's always that flip side the underbelly of it right so you could become a giant land owner if you would just approach all those owners and you know what i didn't even think of it myself i'm going to do it the minute we leave here and i'm going to beat you to the punch because I have the wherewithal to get out there faster.
That's true.

But that's a great – another money-making idea here today.

That was a nice way of just like dressing up the old saying when there's blood in the streets, buy land.

Yeah.

I guess so.

That was a nice way of doing that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What if –

You're a funny guy.

Thank you.

Yeah.

He's like a –

Girl.

Girl.

Girl.

You think so quick.

How do you come up with all this stuff?

I got breasts, but they're actually muscle.

I'm not a girl.

I had one last question. A real question.
Seeky question, promo code take, put it in, you get $10 off. Work-life balance.
When you invest in people, do you expect them to, like, what's the balance that you expect them to have where they're just trying to kill themselves for their job? Or do you ever step in and be like, hey, you need to take a vacation or you need to chill out here's the funny thing about people the more you say to the people that work on your team don't work hard take a week off there's no vacation schedule here go home it's noon it's a rainy day go enjoy yourself take a personal day the more you do that the harder people work i mean i do that because i really want people to have a great life but the fact of, do I really get something from it? Yeah, I get a real dedicated people that work from their own volition. And what you get is a team that can't be beat.
It's the stupidest thing in the world to have a vacation schedule in any business in my book or to have hours. Let people make their own hours and their strength comes to the front.
I have phenomenal people because I do exactly that. I really want them to have a great life.
And you know what? They take care of you. What comes around goes around.
You love them, they love you back. That's how it goes.
Do you think people ever take advantage of the fact that you do? Not a one. I mean, if I hired a clunker, and I've hired a few clunkers in my day, but I get rid of them fast.
I love Fridays to get rid of a clunker. Good.
Could you see me at 11 o'clock on Friday? You're out, okay? But take the clunkers out of the equation which is a rare exception really because I'm careful letting people in but I'm telling you no one takes advantage people give you extra in every way they can from their heart and their soul to their hours to their uh intelligence brought to the fore and you know what happens they grow they grow because they're giving 150 all the time you can't help it to you push yourself out. Push yourself out.
You get bigger and bigger and better. That's the way life is.
There are a couple people around here that take advantage of a vacation policy. Send it to me on Friday.
Sometimes. You have a vacation policy.
It's a problem. Well, no, the thing is we actually don't have a vacation policy and some people in this room tend to use their vacation time.
It's him? That guy over there? I get shamed. I took one day off one time and I get shamed and I feel so bad what you just said where it's like give people love, nurture them, tell them, take as many days off as you want.
It is the exact opposite culture here and it just hurts. It's very hurtful.
You look like you could take it though. You look like the kind of guy who's bitching about it but you kind of enjoy it.
That's my read on you. No, I love vacations.
Yeah, we do vacation games. I work hard so I can take it though you look like the kind of guy who's bitching about it but you kind of enjoy it that's my real you no i like i love vacations yeah we do vacation i work hard so i can take days off whenever i take them i get shamed i'm taking you on my next vacation you'd be a blast because you just yak yak yak yak yak yak yak and i wouldn't have to say anything yeah and you just take in the end of the night you just down your list or cool and then boom sleep like a baby yeah there it is i can't wait i've got one one other real estate you're gonna promote my podcast before you finish yes it is uh business unusual 888 barbara got a question download it now got a question you can call 888 barbara i'm just gonna call in yeah you're calling what do you think the name is 888 barbara from 800 barbara was taken by a porn star i would have taken that one oh don't swear to god a true story.
Yeah. What was the porn star's last name? Oh, I don't know what her name is, but it was 800 Barbara.
Try it. Can I call it right now? You could do it.
Yeah. And if for some reason she's not doing it anymore, let me know.
I'll grab that number too. Okay.
Okay. Let's call her in a second.
Check out that. Oh my God.
I do have a question. That's fun.
I'm enjoying pitching you so much. I'm probably just going to call into your podcast all the time with these stupid ideas.
But my final one, what if I were to tell you that there's a business out there, the model that's been proven, it can be a $5 billion business. Yeah.
It's been proven already, but it's never been executed. What would you say to that? I would say who's running it.
Let me have a- Not me. I know you're going to say no if it's me.
No, no. I'd have to meet who's running it.
Give me five minutes with the person running it. I have not me i know you're gonna say no if it's me i'd have to meet who's running give me five minutes with the person running i'll tell you if it's gonna work so it's jurassic park the model's been proven the science exists to make dinosaurs we buy staten island and we just fill it with raptors no that's we got the the stadium oh no that's a different island there are two island ideas yeah two separate but combine them.
We could, yeah, maybe. Yeah, there we go.
Now you're talking about a stadium with dinosaurs in it. You drop the kids off at Dinosaur Island, and then you go to the game, have a couple cold ones, pick up kids.
MetLife has cats. We have, like, velociraptors.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
You want me to comment even on that? If the technology existed for Jurassic Park. If it did, you're saying, or you're saying it does.
Oh, it does. It does.
But I'm just saying, if you were confident in the technology behind it, would you or would you not invest in a Jurassic Park? No, not if it was owned by you. Not owned by me.
Again, not owned by me. Let's picture for a minute, you don't own it, but some fabulous guy who's really smart, who knows business, and is a hustler, good looking, charming, could raise additional funds because it always comes in on your budget.
You're just talking about me. You're just talking about me.
I get it. Yeah, yeah.
You know, it's exciting because it's new. But do I believe you could really bring dinosaurs back? I don't think I could write the check.
Sorry about that, even if I had a great entrepreneur. What about cloning humans? Would you do that? Oh, yeah.
I'd clone myself. My next five husbands, and they'd all be under 30.
They'd be rock solid. And I'd own them.
What's wrong with that? you would clone yourself and then hire yourself to work for you so you have more use but not get yourself vacation that would be good that would actually be a good way for your vacation that's actually a funny movie actually good idea for a movie well I think that's the Paul Rudd show oh it's already taken not too bad that's okay we can just steal just steal it. That's the first rule of business.
Just steal someone else's idea.

That's it. Is that right? What do you got, Hank?

Your last thing? Oh, you did a little

pump fake. Yeah.
What do you want to say?

I was going to say you remake it, not steal it.

Yeah, that's right. Remake.
It's homage.

That's a remake. An attorney in the room.

Yes. Alright, Barbara Corcoran.
Check it out.

Unusual business. No, business

unusual. Business unusual.
Get it right. 888-BARBARA, check it out.
Unusual business. No, business unusual.
Business unusual.

Get it right.

888-BARBRA is the new podcast.

Call in with questions.

If you want to get yourself ahead and the shit's in your way

and you don't know how to get past your own self,

give me a question.

I'll show you the way out.

Okay.

Perfect.

Give her a call.

Perfect.

Thank you so much.

Who are you going to call?

Barbara.

1-800-BARBRA.

No, no, no.

1-800-BARBRA. No, no, no.
If you have a question about your love life, 1-800-BARBARA no no no no 800-888-BARBARA I'm gonna call both okay that interview with Barbara Corkin was proxy by all protein bars generally taste the same but not one bars one made protein bars are actually delicious with Reese's and Hershey's only one Reese's peanut butter lovers protein bar's Protein Bar is made with Reese's Peanut Butter, and only one Hershey's Cookies and Cream Protein Bars is made with Hershey's Cookie Bits while delivering 18 grams of protein and 3 grams of sugar. One Bars are the perfect protein bar to get you through your busy day, whether you need a quick pick-me-up between meetings or you need some fuel to power you through your next workout.
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Okay, let's get some segments real quick and then we will do our Monday deep dive with Billy football. PFT, you have a high idea, but you're not a drug guy.

Not a drug guy.

Not a drug guy at all, but I did.

I enjoyed, as I said last week, a local small business reached out,

and they said, hey, we're taking extra precautions.

Make sure that you guys are safe.

Support small businesses.

I wanted to help them out.

So, yeah, I dabbled last night, and I came up with a billion-, maybe quadrillion or trillion dollar idea. It's water for dogs.
OK, humans are freaks about their dogs. They want to make sure that they're getting the best food, like whether that's grain free.
They want to treat their dogs to all the best nutrition wise stuff they possibly can. But our dogs are drinking the exact same thing every single day.
They've to be bored of water, right? So why not a little flavored water for your dog? So you can either go with the savory option and have it be like a bacon flavored water or a bone broth water. I don't know what bone broth is, but when you say it, it sounds healthy as fuck.
So bone broth water, and you say that it's got glucosamine in it, all these specific nutrients that your dog needs.

Plus it tastes better and your dog will love it.

Your dog's going to drink the shit out of it.

And, or you can even go something more refreshing.

You can say mint water, cucumber flavored water, and people will buy the hell out of this stuff because they want their dogs to have the best.

And they are probably thinking to themselves, yeah, I've been a bad pet owner. I've been feeding my dog plain water like a chump for the last 20 years.
So I feel like this is like a no-doubt smash hit for us. I mean, I don't really see a hole in it.
I'm Googling it to see if it exists, and I don't know if it does. So I think we're good.
Dog water. You can even call it like paleo water.
You be like it's going to take your dog back to the days real dogs used to drink nothing but just just blood when they were wolves all you have to do is say it's uh tests have been proven to show that the uh the pmt dog water has dogs living up to 12 to 18 months longer than the average dog and then then in fine print, say, tests have not been conclusive by science,

but this is just how we feel.

But also, Big Cat, it's not just the amount of years,

it's the quality of years.

Do you want your dog to be out there drinking normal water,

like some sort of pussy?

No, you want your dog to be drinking masculine, strong water

that's putting it more in touch with its ancestors. Here's a fun fact dogs dogs have only been domesticated for i don't know like a thousand years 1500 years and what do you think dogs were drinking before that they sure weren't filtered brittle water they were drinking the blood of their kills they're drinking whatever they could find out in nature so we've coddled their stomachs really aren't equipped to handle tap water and Evian or Perrier or whatever.
Everyone out there is feeding their dogs out of like a bottle. They want to be just sipping that raw stuff, you know? Yeah.
I don't see, I feel like we should put it, put it to market. Like right now, people got to spend once the Trump bucks come in, spend your 1200 bucks on dog water.
Ooh.

What if we made an extra special deal too?

We're like,

we make people think that we're putting on discount.

We'll give you a 12 pack of our dog water.

Uh,

if you use your regular dollars,

it's going to be $45.

If you use your Trump bucks,

it's 30.

Boom.

How about this?

If you spend all 1200 of your Trump bucks on dog water, we're just, we're going to give you $1,500 worth of dog water. So you get the extra $300 on the house.
No, actually. Okay.
Here's what we really should do PFT. Okay.
We should create, uh, some kind of patent patented, uh, nozzle that you can put on your sink, your sink, your, so, so you hook it up and then it's dog water for life. And we charge people like $7,000, but it really does nothing.
Okay. It just goes through a contraption.
Right. But we're like, Hey, this is the special dog water contraption.
So we're like, we will give you unlimited dog water for $7,000. You see, you have cash.
It pays for itself after like 15 years. Correct.
Correct. Or if we can figure out a way to develop the technology to inject dog whistles into water so that when dogs hear the water sound, they running to it like a dog whistle wait when the when the bottle opens no when the faucet yeah no when the faucet runs it also whistles yes yes or yeah the owners will be like holy shit my dog is like fucking coming running for this yes because the people can't hear it and then right they're like, oh, my God, this dog, they love water now.
They really need this water. Oh, my God.
That actually is an idea that I think we could scam millions of people out of their money. Absolutely.
Dog water. If your dogs, we should have pitched it to her.
Now, granted, we had her on, it was probably more like three or four months ago. Well,

but this is no doubter in my brain.

Like this is our,

this is our meal ticket out of this sports list.

Hell that we're living in right now.

And here's the thing with the nozzle.

You can,

like I said,

you can,

you can patent it.

So like,

if we just created dog water,

anyone else could rip that off.

Like there's this sunny,

there's Fiji,

there's all these other water.

If we actually make an instrument that you can put on your faucet no one can rip that off if we get the correct patents i'm sure we know there's got to be like a patent dude who listens to this show i think we have one that works for us done we've done we've done studies already and dogs given the choice of having dog water or nothing at all live 15 years longer if they drink dog water if you don't buy if you don't buy our uh faucet add-on your dog will die and if you do buy it maybe they won't we don't know we actually haven't done enough studies to know if they if it's actually tuck everlasting they live forever sidebar here um what if we included something in the mix that came out of the faucet that made the dogs addicted to it that works too so they just wouldn't drink water after trying dog water for the first time yeah yeah dog dog heroin that's a side brand you just put a little bit yeah there's like a it's like the everlasting gobstopper but it's just meat and you put it and it wrote the water runs over it okay hank we were editing that part out right okay yeah i think that this is like an absolute no-brainer let's make some money here okay and this is legally we have decided that we have just said this entire idea out loud. So if you steal it, you will be sued.
Actually, when we ever do these things, I kind of hope that someone does the legwork and then we can just sue them. Right.
Like, people always are like, oh, the poor Winklevoss twins. Dude, I would love to be a Winklevoss.
Just have the idea but no execution.

Then sue the guy who did the execution.

Yep.

That's the American dream.

It is the best.

Just sitting back on your couch and coming up with ideas.

And then someone else actually puts work into it.

You're like, yo, man, it's fucked up.

I thought about that already.

Yeah.

And then waiting until there's such a big company that they're like, fine,

we'll just give you $200 million to leave us alone.

It's like, deal. That's what Carole Baskin did.
Yeah, it's true. She was just mad at Joe Exotic for flexing on her, so she sued the shit out of him.
We need a new documentary, by the way. We got to figure that out.
It's true. We'll figure that out.
I'm going to watch King of Kong again. Oh, yeah, let's do that.
Let's do that for Friday. Let's do King of Kong Friday.
You got to watch on YouTube. We still need the field goal kicker movie.
Yes. Let's do that for Friday.
Let's do King of Kong for Friday. You got to watch it on YouTube.
We still need the field goal kicker movie. Yes.
We have that. Let's do – Let's do that.
That one people can't watch. That's them watching with us.
Oh, we put it on? We can. It's on YouTube.
Let's do King of Kong. That just got me so excited.
King of Kong is one of the greatest documentaries of all time. Yeah, King Kong, you can find the whole thing on YouTube.

You just type in King of Kong, Fistful of Quarters.

The whole thing is on YouTube.

Everybody knows the fight was fixed.

All right, so we're going to do that review on Friday.

We're going to do wide receivers on Wednesday.

Yeah, let's do it.

NFL Top 100.

Oh, we're going to get big mad about that.

No, should we ease it?

Let's do running backs. Let's do running backs.
Let's do running backs, and we'll do wide receivers next week. Let's do running backs.
Okay. All right, we're going to do running backs on Wednesday.
We're going to do King of Kong, Fistful of Quarters on Friday. Maybe the greatest villain character of all time in any documentary, Billy Mitchell.
Everyone watch it. We'll tweet it out.
We'll tweet out clips. I'm so excited for this.
You just PFT. You've got me back.
I'm back. I just need these things to look forward to and diving back into this.
I remember the first time I watched this documentary was probably 2004. And I was like, I can't believe these people exist.
And it's incredible. It's incredible.
It's incredible. So, and foul ball guy makes an appearance.
That's right. And the – Foul ball guy.
Sorry. Let's see.
It came out in 2007. Okay, so 2007 then.
Yeah, it was incredible. I just remember watching in college, so I didn't remember what year it was.
All right, let's do Mount Flushmore. Mount Flushmore of websites.
Hank, you're first? I am first. All right.
My first one is Barstool Sports 1.0. It was a website so bad that it managed to delete everything that was on it for the past like six years.
It was very bad. We have a good website now.
We have good tech people now, but basically we had different tech team from 2016 and prior and basically finding anything that was on the website before that even if i like remember exactly like the the blog title or exactly what was in the blog i just can't find it there was definitely a level of this site is so poorly done that you like have to keep going back to it because there's something about it like when when the web revolution came and it just skipped right over barstool sports we had that website where people were like oh this is how it's set up and it was just a constant scroll to it wasn't even different pages it was just like oh keep reading oh reading bitches i remember going to infinity well no there was a moment i think in like 2013 or 14 we were like hey maybe we should make it change so it's not like 40 blogs on one page maybe like cut it up so it's like eight and then you have to hit keep reading and our page views like quadrupled that's smart that's smart get that extra click in there it also used to be that you didn't have to click on the on the actual story it just be all scrolls. The website you didn't go to Barcelona was just every – Just everything was just there.
And then everything got lost. And then everything got lost.
All right, good call, Hank, for your first pick. All right, PFT.
Okay, for my first pick right at the gate, I think I'm going to go with Ble bleacher report 2007 until 2014 and that it was it was the landing zone for every single slideshow on the internet it was uh like 90 percent of bleacher reports website was look at the 50 hottest wives and girlfriends of this english soccer player and then it'd make you just click all the way through it. Click, click, click, click, click.
And then they went legit.

They're kind of like the mob.

They tried to go legit and pretend that their bootlegging pass

didn't exist at that point.

But from those years, it was an awful, awful website.

Yes.

And game start times.

I would always search for what channel games were on,

and it was always Bleacher Report.

And they didn't pay anybody to write for the website, so anyone could submit their writing to it. And their draft grades are always hilarious to go back and read because it was just done by some person with high-speed internet access.
And that's it. They gave Russell Wilson, and I think it was Cliff Averill, that Seahawks grade, they gave it an F.
And they rejected me from writing there when I tried to write the world's worst article to see if it would pass their quality filter. They actually caught that one.
That's pretty funny. That's pretty funny.
Good to know that they were able to stop you there. That was a big stop for them.
And they had some random dude just giving his draft grades uh that yeah yeah that's a good that's a good one uh the slideshows i mean it's so funny when you think about all those websites and and like what they started out and then just trying to pretend like you said like actually my my first pick would be the the original buzzfeed which was kind of the same where buzzfeedFeed literally just took everything from everyone, like unapologetically, didn't even add their own thought on it. So the original BuzzFeed, and it was huge.
Like it was huge. They were able to basically, they were I think the first true aggregator on the internet, were they not? Yeah, they just, they made lists, and it was like the 10 funniest tweets of 2011 or 2012 whatever and it would just be screen grabs like no links or anything hold on yeah they would just steal all the content i'm gonna try to find this real quick there was when buzzfeed came on the map dave uh got nervous that they were gonna like not nervous but he was like we got to keep up with the Jones.
And, uh, he would, he like sent us an email being like, we got to start doing lists. Like, let's start doing lists.
And we w we made a, uh, we made a calendar where everyone had to do a different list every day. And I think we made it like four days before we all just gave up.
Yeah. I remember stupid as Buzzfeed was coming out, Colin coward, he did a segment did a segment he was like i'm gonna tell you the secret to business after this break and then i was like well i gotta stay in my car during my lunch break to figure this out because i need to know what the secret to business is and he comes back and he goes guys love lists every guy will read a list i was like colin i knew that but thank you for saying it out loud.
Yes. Yes.
He is. Yeah.
Lists are what guys want to see. Yeah.
I'm looking at 2012 list blogs. He basically sent us an email being like list blogs are the way to go.
You gotta have a top 10 list, 10 gifts, 10 hottest little sisters of professional athletes that are just barely 18. And then they became like the moral arbiter of the universe about five years later.
Yeah. This was before the separate pages.
So Dave's idea didn't even make sense because it would have just all been one giant scroll. Correct.
Yeah, he said it wasn't a slideshow. We literally lasted like one week doing these.
It was just – he said people eat this shit up. It's also a great way to build a following following with our writers the bottom line is we're doing these lists just to add more work i think passing these assignments off to part-time guys is a major mistake so he basically was like we got to have our best and brightest minds on the list just got off the phone with the boys i got my top men on it in the back um all right uh my other one i don't know if this one counts counts.
Well, no, it should count. It's the sneakers app slash website.
I hate it so much. It's the bane of my existence.
It's the fucking worst thing ever. You never win anything.
So that is one of my worst websites out there. That's a good one.
I'm going to go with anything, any online education portal. So I would say blackboard.com.
Just awful, awful layout. And you know that whenever you're going there, you're going there because you're doing schoolwork.
By the way, did you guys see that the Ivy league is giving away like free courses? Should we take a course? I'd rather just, I'd rather just go to that fake college where you can buy a degree for $10. Okay.
All right. Well, we should think about taking a course, maybe not an Ivy league course but maybe a course somewhere i like pft's idea of just jumping into random courses and inspiring debate i don't know about actually taking a course yeah i've been crashing some zoom meetings just out of boredom this weekend it's pretty fun hank if you took one course at harvard when people ask like where'd you go to college you're like well i didn't graduate but i went to harvard i can already do that with bu though i can already say that i went to college somewhere in massachusetts well no i went to the the program i went to is a one-year program at the boston university center for digital imaging arts uh so i can just take off the like the last four words and just say yeah should just do it at Hartford.
You should get a degree from Hartford and just say it really quickly. I might take a class at Harvard just so I can say that I went to Harvard.
Actually, one of us should do a class at Harvard. The other should go to Yale so we can have like a rivalry going.
Yeah. We could just like all day just do cocaine and make homophobic jokes against each other.
That would be fun. All right, Hank, your two picks.
The Yahoo search bar. So whenever you type something in and you think it's Google and then the Yahoo search results come up, like that are just somehow somehow the shittiest aggregated results of all time.

It never makes sense to me.

And it's always websites that have –

they start with www215C34 and then the address.

It's like that's not even a real website.

How is this working right now?

Yep.

And then have you ever been to –

I mean I was searching.

I didn't really have a lot, but pftcommenter.com isn't great.

It's not?

No, there's not a lot going on there.

Pftcommenter.com.

What about profootballtalk.com, one of the worst websites?

Larry was an inside job.

Wake up, sheeple.

PFT is a connect-the-dots guy.

Big Cat is a connect-the-dots guy. I don't understand this website at all.
Oh, it goes to barstoolbigcat.com. It also says Larry was an inside job for you.
What the fuck? Who created that? I mean, it must have been made like three years ago, but yeah. Shit.
Okay. They're sitting on a gold mine.
Yeah, they are. All right.
Your next pick, PFT.

My next one, I'm going to go with Stormfront,

a neo-Nazi message port.

Oh.

I guess I'm the only one that –

I didn't even know about that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

How did you find that?

That's fine.

It's been the news, of which I read a lot.

So, yeah, Stormfront.

How often do you go there? I haven't put it on your list. How often do you go there? I've never been.
Oh, really? Uh-huh. So how would you know it's bad? Because you're an admin.
How would you know it's bad? Yes, Dan Katz, the admin at Stormfront.com. How many times have you been there, for real? Never been there.
Never been there. I just know that's a bad place.
Got it. Okay.
I find it interesting that you're attacking me for putting things on my list of worst websites. I didn't see that one coming.
I didn't see that one coming because I didn't even know it existed. All right.
My next one, so I got my last two, meatspin.com. Hilarious when you get meatspinned back in the day.
I don't even know if it still exists but uh you know the old change your change your home screen to it so funny um that was the original wood yes it was it was the original wood and then uh this one's more of a current one uh it's espn scoreboard uh with just nothing on it because I've been doing that

just out of reflex checking

clicking different like sports

and everything's been cancelled so it's the

worst website out there right now

yeah it's pretty bad

you remember ESPN.sportsnet.com

like the

original website that ESPN

had back in 1996 or whatever

vaguely vaguely

that place is really bad alright so my

final pick is going to be

Thank you. Like the original website that ESPN had back in 1996 or whatever? Vaguely, vaguely.
That place is really bad. All right, so my final pick is going to be twitter.com slash D-A-R-R-E-N-R-O-V-E-L-L.
Ooh, good one. Very good one.
Very bad. I've been noticing that he's not been tweeting a lot.
I don't know what's going on with him. Hoping that he's a sports business supporter.

There's no sports business going on, which I at least respect. It's true.
It's true.

So my last one? Yes.

TurboTax.com.

Good pick. Do you ever find

yourself on there? You're going to have a miserable experience.

Am I screwed up?

The funny thing is

Hank is probably owed thousands

of dollars by the federal government. Yes.

Oh, absolutely. I am.
Hank didn't

Thank you. experience in my experience.
You screwed up. The funny thing is Hank is probably owed thousands of dollars by the federal government.

Yes.

Oh, absolutely.

Hank didn't pay, didn't fill out his taxes. I did my taxes two years ago, but there was like two years where I was not making a lot

of money.

Correct.

Had the zero option where the most money got taken out of my taxes that I'm supposed to

get back.

And I just never did it.

Yeah.

Which is why I never did it.

You picked the worst years to not do your taxes by far.

I also think I'm going to have to do my

Thank you. taxes that I'm supposed to get back.
And I just never did it. Yeah.
I never did it. You picked the worst years to not do your taxes by far.

I also think I'm going to have to do my taxes during quarantine. Cause there's going to be a point where I have nothing else to do.

No,

they extended it though.

I know,

but like I might actually be proactive.

Oh,

come on.

That's not say things.

So we can't take back.

I might.

That was the dumbest thing said on the show today. By far.
You're going to start doing your taxes? Maybe. Maybe if we get to May.
Hank, listen. An investor is going to listen to this, and they're going to hear you say that, and they're going to back out of investing in dog water because they heard that coming from you.
They're like, this is not the kind of person I want to be involved in. crazy he's crazy um before we get to billy football monday deep dive uh reminder we're going to do king of kong fist full quarters on friday we're going to do nfl 100 running backs on wednesday and tomorrow night monday night or tonight monday night because you're listening to us on a monday uh we're going to go live with an old NFL game that we do not know the result of.

And no spoilers. We should probably not even announce what the game is until we get into it.
But we're going to go live from Pardon My Take, right? From Pardon My Take Twitter? If you go to Pardon My Take Twitter, you'll be able to see where we're live from. It will probably be from a different account.
Okay, 8 p.m. 8 p.m.
Monday night. Tune in.
We're going to go live. It will probably be only about a 45-minute.
We've condensed the game. It's a game we don't know, remember, or anything like that.
We're going to watch it, talk about it, live stream it. We'll feel like sports are back.
Get ready for that. 8 o'clock, Monday night.
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You will not be disappointed. And now for something completely different.
Okay, in place of Monday reading, while we're quarantined, we're going to bring back our intern, maybe someday, our colleague, William Football, our son. Our son, we're going to do some deep dives with Billy Football on Mondays in place of Monday reading.
So this should be fun. We're going to get our learn on.
We told Billy, whatever you want to dive into, we'll dive into as well. Billy, what are we starting with this week? So you mentioned the other day, if we put everyone into a hibernation state for two weeks, we'd be able to you know stop the spread of

corona and end the pandemic so uh you referenced an article that also had the same take by donald g meal i just want on the record he stole my take so he actually wrote that after i said it i just wanted on the record that he actually stole all of our take from after football season every year. We just want to hibernate

until March Madness.

So his quote that he actually stole all of our take from after football season every year.

We just want to hibernate until March Madness.

So his quote was,

if it were possible to wave a magic wand and make all Americans freeze in place

for 14 days while sitting six feet apart,

epidemiologists say the whole epidemic would sputter to a halt.

Anyway, so I looked into this.

So first things first, there is no known cases of natural human hibernation. They've been working on this for space travel for years, because they want to like put astronauts into hibernation so they can like not use any resources and just like basically fall asleep and wake up at another planet like a year.
Interstellar. Yeah.
Okay. What about though who's he she she um we'll dive into that later but what about when you black out if you just get really really drunk for a long time i mean how long have you blacked out i don't know because i was blacked out so basically uh hibernation states you have to slow your metabolism to a fourth of the rate and your heartbeat just beats a couple times per minute.

So. So basically, hibernation states you have to slow your metabolism to a fourth of the rate, and your heartbeat just beats a couple times per minute.
So there's a lot of cases of mammals in polar climates hibernating over the winter. So hibernation is only in a state of cold that they start hibernating.
So animals in zoos do not hibernate. Oh, so bears in zoos don't hibernate.
Bears in zoos don't hibernate. If they have plenty of food and water and warmth, they don't hibernate.
That's got to be exhausting, though. As a bear, it's got to be in your natural clock that you get to spend three months out of the year just napping.
Well, what Billy's saying is it's the other way's not they hibernate out of necessity not out of like what they are built to do yeah i agree but it's also like i shit out of necessity but like sometimes it feels good to go take a big shit right but but a bear it's not like a bear's like why am i not hibernating because they're just eating and warm the whole time okay all right here's recycle their poop and pee while they hibernate what do you mean recycle they don't poop and they turn it into more carbohydrate carbohydrates and protein while they holy shit so does that mean that their stomach just operates at a more efficient level or do they actually create shit and their body just the shit they they It goes through their digestive tract, but then somehow it goes back around the circle. What? It's like the snake eating its own tail.
That's incredible. Anyway.
And piss too? I just assume they just piss their pants all winter. No, they don't because the scientists would go into their caves and find nothing.
They check their your pants? So, but the thing is only female bears with cubs hibernate. Bears aren't actually the best hibernators.
Everyone thinks they're the best, but there's actually other animals. There's other forms of inactivity, not confined to cold weather months.
This is called astivation, which is done by a lot of reptiles and frogs and some lemurs in Madagascar. So if we were to do it, it'd be in the warm weather months, so we'd technically be astivation.
Wait, so who's the best hibernator? I think – actually, I have to go back to my notes. I kind of got sidetracked on bear facts because once I heard the poop one, I was like, let's see what else these guys can do.
That's fine. What's a good bear fact? Polar bear skin is really black underneath the white fur.
I knew that. Yep.
Let me get all the well-known good facts. Grizzly bears are as fast as a racehorse.
What color is regular bear skin? I think it's – I'm not sure. Also black, I think.
That'd be cool. Wouldn't it pick out if instead of horse races, they just had bear races? So my question for you, Billy, is it would be very cool,

but how long can they run as fast as a racehorse?

I'd imagine they can run as fast as a racehorse for 100 meters.

So they can reach speeds up to 42 miles per hour in a sprint?

That's like Marty Spears level.

So how long can they go for?

I'm not entirely sure. I've got to look that way.
They're probably sprinters. I don't imagine.
Yeah. But here's another fact.
Black, fight back. Brown, lay down.
White, say goodnight. What? Say it again.
That's fantastic. Black, fight back.
Brown, lay down. White, say goodnight.
So polar bear, you're fucked. You're absolutely fucked.
Yeah. And a black bear is a little bitch.
Black bear, you actually want to fight back? Well, you want to make a lot of noise. Get big.
Drop the gloves and be like, let's go, buddy. Black bears are whenever you see the Rex Chapman videos that says dogs brought.
It's like a little Pekingese that chases away a bear in somebody's backyard. It's always a black bear.
And brown, you're just so a grizzly bear, you just go on and lay down and pretend you're dead. Yeah.
But then polar bears, they're also scavengers, so they'll eat dead things too, so you're screwed. Got it.
That makes sense then. So, yeah, that's actually really good.
So, if you see – so, bear, you just probably just want to run. Honestly, just – I have no idea.
I've never seen one. How's their eye sight? Could you, like, get dressed in all white and blend in with the snow? They see in color.
I'm not too sure. Maybe just dig in the snow.
Okay. Burrow.
Dig in the snow. Burrow.
Hibernate. Just dig right in the snow.
Okay. Okay.
So, here's some more.-Cola and then they'll smile and wink at you. Oh, another fun fact.
Polar bears have never met a penguin in the wild. Oh, different.
Is it different? Wait, Hank, go ahead. Hop in, Hank.
Hop in whenever you want. No.
Yes. I see you.
I see you. Oh, I'm good.
Hey, get in there. One's North Pole, one's South Pole, right? Which one's which? Penguins are in the South.
Correct. Yeah.
Fuck yeah. They love the sun.
So that kind of ruins a lot of, I feel feel like children's books and cartoons like polar bears and penguins just kicking it together.

Yeah.

I remember there was a Far Side cartoon.

Did you ever read that one?

Where there was a polar bear on an iceberg wearing a beak like with a string around it.

And he was eating all the penguins one by one.

And I remember like two people wrote letters to the cartoonist.

It was like, actually, this can't happen. And then he published those letters.
Darren Revelle was one of them. It was absolutely Darren Revelle.
Yeah. So male bears are called boars while females are called sows, which is like pig terminology.
So I thought that was interesting. That is interesting.
This has kind of been circulating the internet, but a 175- pound black bear once ate 88 pounds of cocaine and died. Hell yeah.
We had 175 pound black bear. That's a small bear.
Yeah. Eight.
They call that hotter. Yeah.
It's crazy. I didn't know they made bad.
The craziest part of that story is 175 pound bear, not the 88 pounds of cocaine in my mind. Was it like he, he had like a hundred grams of cocaine andth gram that killed him or yeah that's a good question he was able to eat 88 pounds so there was turns out there was like a lot more like there was some drug runners who were dropping stuff into the woods and then the uh the da went out into the woods to try to find the drop drugs and found a dead bear with 88 pounds of cocaine in his stomach.
So what we know is that a bear can handle, a 175-pound bear can handle at least 87.5 pounds of cocaine. Yeah, black bears can party.
Well, I wonder if polar bears, how they handle the snow. What about the one? That's good.
That's good, Billy. Billy.
It's a. Get the flake going.
What about the I fucking love cocaine bear? What kind of bear was that? Probably this bear. Whoa, Hank, are you wearing underwear? Hank's nude.
We just saw his balls. Hank just put his balls on the live stream.

So there was a bear that fought for the Polish and worked against the Nazis.

I remember seeing this.

Wojtek.

Yeah.

That's a big podcast.

Yeah.

That bear's a badass.

We should write a movie, or we should write Wojtek into Boner Dogs.

Billy, how old do bears live to?

I think they get about 20, 25.

Oh, that's pretty cool.

Yeah, like dogs, you know?

No, dogs are a little bit younger. Yes, we all hope that dogs live to 20 or 25.

Now, can you put a saddle on a bear and ride it?

I saw that once in a Golden Compass movie. Okay.
Wait, what? The HBO show that Golden Compass is about is pretty good. What's Golden Compass? It's this book I read when I was little.
It was like supposed to be the next Harry Potter, but then the guy, the author kind of went nuts in the next book, so they couldn't really make it a children's thing. But they made it into an HBO series called His Dark Materials.
It's pretty good. He's like that YouTube, kids YouTube star, Blippi, who did the bukkake.
No, not the bukkake. Didn't he shit in the hot tub, right? No, he shit in his friend's face.
Okay. I thought it was Joey Salads.
No, Harlem Shake. Joey Salads drink his own pee.
Okay. My mistake.
We're down a little rabbit hole there. Billy, when it comes to these bears, are they in the dog family? No, bears have claws like dogs where they can't retract them, but they're their own separate...
Their ancestors branched off from dogs a long time ago. There was actually a cave bear from North America that was one of the largest land predator mammals on Earth.
That was huge. I think it was like six, five standing up or no,

that's a shit.

The cave bear.

I'm looking at right now,

Billy,

this thing is no joke.

Dude.

Yeah.

They said that it was the only thing that our ancestors feared like more

than anything on the planes.

So they were,

they were,

they got up to 1300 pounds.

Oh my God.

Oh no.

Two,

2200 pounds is the biggest one.

Think about how much cocaine that bear can do. Dude.
a lot that's like a keith richards bear that's like um wasn't there a movie that had a well that we had the the whatever the that movie the revenant but wasn't there another one where it was like a huge enormous bear prehistoric size i think maybe night at the museum. 10,000 BC was it in that? No, I think it was Night at the Museum

with Steve Burrell.

I don't know. bear prehistoric size i think maybe night at the museum 10 000 bc was in that no i think it was night at the museum i just found an awesome like 10 sign that you can hang up in your living room it says welcome to the man cave and it's just a giant grizzly bear and it says uh it says uh no responsibilities or empty glasses women allowed only to replenish food and drink.

That's pretty badass.

I might get one of those.

The governor of Moscow trained bears to serve vodka.

So that's another famous bear.

That's pretty cool.

Didn't Wojtek, the bear in Polish army,

the one that carried the artillery shells,

didn't he smoke cigarettes?

He knew how to salute.

I know that.

I'm pretty sure he maybe just ate cigarettes. Okay, what else we got? Polar bears mating last longer than panda bears by an hour.
Polar bears mating last longer than panda bears. But wait, don't panda bears only go like a minute?

Yeah, but polar bears go for like hours.

Oh, okay.

But it wasn't like it's pretty easy to last longer than a panda bear.

No, but those are the two sides of the spectrum.

Got it.

Got it.

Okay.

How long does it take like a black bear to nut?

I got to figure that one out.

That was the one fact I saw. I got to go look at the data.

Okay.

Do you think that has anything to do with the cold?

Like it takes a long time. like a black bear to nut? I got to figure that one out.
That was the one fact I saw.

I got to go look at the data.

Do you think that has anything to do with the cold?

Like it takes longer to bust because it's so chilly outside?

Got to ask the bears.

There is a polar bear

grizzly bear hybrid

that a couple people have spotted.

One was shot in Canada.

They actually look pretty cool.

A pisley?

It's a growler.

A growler bear.

Kind of.

It kind of looks like a pimp.

Isn't that a panda?

Yeah.

No, but like it's huge.

This thing's very cool.

It's like its arms.

It looks like it's got a farmer's tan.

So like the body is white and then the arms and the legs are brown.

We all watch Tiger King. You guys know Ligers? Yeah.
Yeah. The mix and you know how they're bigger.
Yeah. Yeah.
Well, growler bears have the same thing. So they're like, I love growler bears.
Although. Yeah.
I guess if you're going for like, what's the more intimidating name? Growler is definitely more intimidating than, than a Pizzley. Right.
Yeah. Next time we buy a lacrosse team, we should name it the Grohler Bears.
Yes. The bears' only predator on Earth, the only thing that hunts bears is tigers in Asia.
Well, and humans. True, but natural predators.
Got it. Okay.
Tigers in Asia beat bears? Yeah, like panda bears. Oh, panda bears are pussies.
Yeah. But like cloth bears.
Panda bears would be like the Brooklyn podcasters of the world. Like they live indoors.
They're only to be gawked at. They don't know what like a hard day's work is anymore.
That's a polar bear. Yeah, they're lazy all the time.
It's basically impossible to get them to mate with anyone.

We're just here for our

listening enjoyment or visual enjoyment.

Yeah, that's what a polar bear is.

What about koala bears? Are they bears?

I'm not so close.

I'm not bears.

That was very

dismissive of you guys.

That was so good.

You're like, don't be a fucking idiot, PFT. They're called koala bears, though.
You can at least agree that that's a little bit misleading. Polar bears are chads.
Pandas are... Yes, yes, they're verges.
Yeah, they're simps. All right, what else we got? This is good.
They're black bears with a genetic variation that they appear white. The Native Americans called these bears a kermode, and they call them the ghost bears.
If you see one, it's good luck or something. They're in a certain peninsula in Washington State or Canada.
Got to look that up. Okay.
Oh, that's close enough to around the same area.

What else you got?

What is the, uh, the regional distribution of bears in the United States?

Where are you least likely to find a bear?

Uh, you're least likely to find a bear in, well, black bears are honestly becoming a huge problem near New York state.

30 minutes outside New York.

There's like black bears in Connecticut.

Yeah.

Tony Soprano. They're everywhere.
And Tony Soprano. You remember that episode, Hank? It was after the ducks left him and then he got really depressed and he had to go see a psychiatrist because the ducks leaving reminded him of his dad and everyone else.
But he really wanted to fuck the psychiatrist. Yeah, Melfi, so he dreamed about fucking her.
And then eventually he actually did fuck her, right? I don't remember the ducks part. I don't remember the bears.
Did they fuck involved in that episode yeah they fucked oh they definitely fucked uh not even just been a dream but it was a dream it was a very vivid dream yeah I think they might have she had the dream that they fucked and then she woke up and she had to tell her psychiatrist and then I'm sure her psychiatrist had a dream about Melfi fucking him that That's all psychiatrists think about.

Yeah.

Okay, back to you, Billy.

Yeah.

There's bears on Long Island.

There are bears on Long Island.

Okay.

Interesting.

Yeah, how'd they get out there?

Oh, no, they... Bears are everywhere except Long Island, New York City.

Okay, so they can't get out on islands. Got it.
That's good to know. Can they swim? Polar bears can swim close to like 100 miles.
Whoa. So we shouldn't feel that bad about global warming because at that point, it's like polar bear, you had a chance to get off that iceberg and swim back to land.
Yeah, true. All the bad polar bear swimmers died.
What? All the bad swimmers died. Well, but also because they melted.
And also because it's like a lot of fat people go out on January 1st and jump in the water and like polar bear. Yeah, that's true.
Billy, you know, you've grown a lot like in the last couple of years and you've become more curious. And what one thing I appreciate, I just noticed this right now when I asked you if bears could swim and you said, yeah, polar bears, they can swim like a hundred miles.
If this was Billy from three years ago, I would have thought that you thought that polar bears can swim really well. And so your like instinctual measurement would have been like, yeah, they can go for like a like 100 miles but now i think that you actually know that their range is about 100 miles and it wasn't a guess wait let me just look at that up because i mean 30 miles 30 that's close that's like 100 yeah yeah that's close enough one case as far as 220 miles right that's tides if they get if they get a good tide, they're fine.
Currents? That's probably the one you were thinking of. Yeah, you can just sit in the current and just let it take you.
Lazy River? Body surf? Miles. We got anything else, Billy? Yeah, that's pretty much all my bare facts.
There's a couple ones that weren't as exciting. Well, I want to say thank you because you somehow did this without making a Mitch Trubisky joke, so that was good.
I fully expected something there. Bears can't throw.
Okay. They can't throw right.
I don't think there's any example. Actually, Mitch can't throw left.
He can throw right. That's why we actually, the Cam Newton, like Cam can't throw right.
It's interesting because Bears usually disappear for a while right around January, right? Again, I forgot to ask you this last night, but how mad are you that Cam isn't on the Bears? Like, those videos. I said that on Wednesday.
Then there's been more videos that have come out since then where Cam just looks like an absolute monster. i think he's going to have a a good bounce back year and people are going to be like wait why did we not uh pick him up he looks like an absolute freak i hope i mean patriots aren't going to get him but i hope you never know uh billy do you have do you have that hot take about quarterbacks you wanted to lay on us before we let you go? In order to be a good quarterback in the NFL,

you've got to be an absolute weirdo.

Okay.

All the cool guys burn out.

You can't be cool.

I think that was the psyche behind getting Daniel Jones for the Giants

was like they don't want someone who's like cool guys don't work out.

You want a guy who's either like Carson Wentz where he's just kind of like

forest guy, like doesn't

really think about all the noise. Like someone who

can't even process the noise.

Eli. Eli.

Whereas Baker Mayfield, he's taking on the

noise. Careful.

Real swag is no swag.

Yeah. Careful with Baker though.

What do you think? You don't think Patrick Mahomes

is cool? Well, he's got the whole Kermit

thing going. I mean, he's you know, But he's like – You know? Yeah.
Yeah. I feel like, too, if you're a cool guy, like you want to live that single guy lifestyle, too.
Mahomes has never really done that. Yeah.
Big Ben was kind of cool. I mean, not to like everyone, but some people.
He's also weird. Like, look at his beard nowadays.
True. That is weird.
He's become weird, yeah. Cam Newton.
Weird. Weird.
He's definitely weird. Peyton Manning? A little weird.
Uber weird. He's the closest to normal.
He wasn't cool until the end of his career. Let's not change history here.
If you look at the older quarterbacks, I feel like some of those guys were cool and good at the same time. Like Joe Montana, his name was Joe Cool.
Dan Marino. Yeah, John Elway.
John Elway was a cool guy. Different era.
One of the coolest guys. Only won one Super Bowl, and debatably, was it his? Did he carry the team? I'm a New York guy.
I'm even admitting that. Wait, for who? Joe for who joan amon oh got it yeah but he did win a super bowl but yeah you're right okay we'll have to go through it we'll have to just go maybe we'll do that list maybe next week when we do a deep dive we'll list all the quarterbacks that won a super bowl and we'll decide cool or not cool exactly or multiple super bowls because because, well, like you could make the argument that Tom Brady might have been cool at the beginning of his career, but then he got kind of weird.
Or he was cool during the years after the first three and then before the second three. Interesting.
Maybe you could also say that winning multiple Super Bowls makes you weird. And cool.

We're going to have to dive in.

We're going to have to set aside.

Put a pin in that one, big cat.

That's the parking lot idea.

We'll come back to that.

Wow.

All right.

Before we let you go, we were supposed to talk about hibernation.

Was there anything else about hibernation you wanted to share? We got kind of sidetracked on bears, as we tend to do. We can't hibernate.
It's not going to work. The science isn't there.
I'd like you to explore that a little bit further. What's the difference between hibernation and a coma? Hibernation, you're actually like brain is operating like in a coma.
Like your internal systems are operating too fast. Wait, so when you're hibernating, you're dreaming the whole time? No, it's actually different than sleep.
A lot of animals that wake up from hibernation actually don't – like they act sleep-deprived, like they haven't slept. Well, if you sleep too much, you can be sleepier.
Yeah. Interesting.
All right. So, Billy, can we have people send in ideas for what you should do for deep dives? We'll have them tweet us.
Should I set up a deep dive Twitter? Yeah, you might want to. I mean, kind of like a Wikipedia club Twitter.
Yeah, Jay kind of swagged on your old Twitter account. Yeah, he swagged.
He swagged you. Wait, don't we have the Tomaguchi Twitter account? We do have Tomaguchi.
I think we have Barstow. No, we don't.
I might have the password for Tomaguchi. All right, we'll get Billy set up with a deep dive Twitter, and we'll just have it because that's really where you always, like, thrived was facts.
That was kind of the beginning of the Wikipedia club. What do we want to call this, like Billy's Corner? Yeah, we can do something like that.
Billy's Deep Dives? Chalk Talk. Chalk Talk? Chalk Talk.
I like that. Okay.
Billy, thank you. We'll see you next Monday.
Thanks for having me, guys. All right.
And you feel better. Everyone should know Billy feels better.
Still stay inside, though. Stay inside.
Just looking up facts. All good.
Stay healthy out there, everybody. Yes.
Thanks, Matt. Love you, Billy.
Love you guys. Love you guys.
I'm talking away. I don't know what to say.
I'd say it anyway. Today is another day to find you shying away.

I'll be coming for your love of cake. Take on me.

Take on me.

Take me on.

Take on me.

Take on me.

Take on me.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Here we go. You take us all.
So needless to say. I'm sending my feet.
Someone let us wait. It's better than that life is okay.
Say of me. It's better to be safe than sorry.

It's better to be safe than sorry. Take on me.

Drink on me.

Take on me.

Drink on me.

Take on me.

Take on me.

Take on me. Dreaming on the air I'll be here I'll be here I'll be here I'll be here I'll be here I'll be here I'll be here All the things that you say Is it a lifeboat Just to play my worries away You're all the things I've got to remember When you shine away I'll be coming for you anyway.
Take me out. Take me out.
Take me out. Take me out.
Take me out. Take me out.
Take me me. Take me up.
Take me up. Take me up.