Billy Football, Mr Portnoy, And Mt Flushmore Season Begins

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It's your grandson, William. Tune in to 2604 uh for the interview thank you so much um let's take it back to big cat on today's part of my take we have the return you just heard him the return of the prodigal son it is billy football talking about coronavirus giving us tips from a zoomer on how to survive the pandemic.
We also have the other age range. We have Mr.
Portnoy calling in from Florida. So we have the only podcast that has a 21-year-old and a 79-year-old on the show, in the same show.
So we have Mr. Portnoy calling in with a complaint.
There's no sports, but we have new Mount Flushmore. So we're going to get into mount rushmore season the reverse the upside down world of mount rushmore season with mount flushmores little jamal murray pr 101 and uh who's back of the week before we do all that ever had one of those days when it's just too cold to keep working nah neither has ariat ariat work jackets and boots are packed with all the cold stopping waterproof protection you need to get the job done under any conditions so you can take any job out there and always deliver check out Ariat in your local workwear retailer or visit Ariat.com slash work to get 10 off your first order when you sign up for email and weather whatever in Ariat Work Gear.
Oh, no. We're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue.
And then we'll take it higher. Oh, we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue.
It's Part of My Take, presented by barstool sports welcome to part of my take

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ten dollars to the aspca today is monday it's monday it's monday it's march there were this

is march we sleep in april may june just knock knock us out until July. There were some sports over the weekend, though.
No. Yeah, a little bit.
There was virtual NASCAR racing and Todd Gurley. Yeah, Todd Gurley.
Todd Gurley. By the way, the Falcons, good starting point.
I'm already getting feels for the 2020 Falcons. I don't know if you guys saw that stat, but they're going to be the first team in history to have 10 starters on offense.
10 out of the 11 starters are going to be first-round draft picks. And I actually think I saw that stat before they signed Laquan Treadwell.
So they might be able to do all 11 for 11. Or you bring in Trent Richardson as a fullback, and then you have all 11.
And he's actually a great natural fullback because he runs directly into linebackers and not at holes. So that might be a good position switch on his way to a Hall of Fame career.
But yeah, Todd Gurley is – I mean, the Falcons look great on paper, but if you're bringing in all these new people from the outside, that's taking away dan quinn's best weapon which is just having a locker room full of guys that know him and like him and will stand up for him to arthur blank so you get these new voices in and they're not going to be going bad for you when you start four and seven but yeah there's uh there's no sports and uh life is just every single day is the same i showered today though so i want props for that because i I didn't do that on Saturday or Friday. I don't think.
And it's not really just a, it's not like cleanliness. It's just a kind of forgetfulness.
Like you don't have anything to shower for. So you just kind of passes by.
You're like, Oh, it's six o'clock. What's the point in showering now? I realized the last time I showered because I was like, I'll shower before we record tonight..
I realized the last time I showered was before we recorded the other night. Yes.
We should just start getting ready for work every morning like we have an actual job to go to. Like, put on a suit, get a briefcase, walk to your door, and then just drop everything.
Go sit at your computer and check Twitter for five hours. Yeah, that would work.
I mean, I watched old college basketball games that were on CBS. Shout out CBS for actually putting those on hilarious watching.
Um, I watched the 82 final with, with, uh, MJ and Georgetown and Patrick Ewing just basically had like, I think four out of five of the first possessions were goaltends and there was no three point lines. So the zone defense had four out of five guys with their feet in the paint it was it was

not the same sport it was fascinating to watch and then watching the Laitner game Duke Kentucky um it's just it was incredible to watch it and and forget because I remember some of these games obviously the the 82 we weren't born yet but like I remember watching Duke Kentucky and you forget that we just lived in a world where they didn't put the score on the tv at all like they would they would flash it every five minutes being like here's an update and here's how much time's left otherwise you just had to guess it's like the remaining time yeah yeah you didn't know how much time was left in the game and then in the morning uh if there was a game that finished past like 10 or 10.30 p.m., you had to call a number. And then a voice on the other end would tell you what the scores were from the previous night's games.
Wild stuff. So here's why I brought that up.
Because I'm down. I'll be honest with you guys.
I'm down. I'm kind of losing my mind.
I had the thought today, like, what if sports just never come back? I think you can just tell by my tweets, too. When I tweet something, it's coming really from feels.
I woke up this morning, and I was like, I really miss sports. Like, I just really miss sports.
But the silver lining is, watching some of these old games, sports used to be very different, and we've come a long way. So, if you told me right now we could have sports back, but we never ever get the score on the television for the rest of our lives, I don't know if I'd take that.
So let's just, you know, little bargaining. Maybe I can wait two more months if we can come back and actually have scores and time on there or a three-point line.
So I'm just trying to bargain with my own brain and tell myself, hey, you know what what's better than, uh, you know, like we don't have sports right now, but when they do come back, we will have, you know, sports that look good and have scores. And the game is like interesting.
And there's three point lines. Whereas if we were 20, 30 years ago, we wouldn't have any of that.
I'll even meet you halfway and say, I will take sports back back on tv i'll let you keep your bottom line score ticker the crawler you can take that away i can live without that but i do need a nice sleek graphics package on the bottom of the screen that that tells me at least how much time is left in the corner so right uh the the bottom line crawl actually i've seen some games where the bottom line's just like not working. Sometimes whatever little gerbil on a wheel passes out and ESPN isn't able to have that bottom line scroll going.
And the games, I think, are actually better without that, you know, eighth of an inch at the bottom of my screen taken up. Yes.
Yes. So so watching old games, we're in this really weird world, this like post apocalyptic world where you can't go outside, you can't talk to anyone.
We're here. We're going to get through it.
We're going to do some great interviews. We're going to do some flashmores.
They won't take our spirit. There were actually some sports on this weekend on FS1.
They had Australian Rules Football, and I was excited to have just some green grass on my television, and then they canceled the entire league at halftime of one of the games. Just took a way for me in real time.
Yes, yes, and I know everyone's got like marble racing and all these different things, and I appreciate it, but I just really miss sports. I just really miss sports, so that's where we are.
So Hank, how are we feeling about the Tom Brady stuff stuff because last time we talked he was not officially a buccaneer right he was just like getting closer and he was he did the world's longest physical he had like a two-day physical in new york city and uh then they finally cleared him and he joined the buccaneers so now that it's officially official where's your brain at i mean if we're in the trustee here and i know we are guys i, I always keep it a buck with you. Last time we talked, I was in, like, denial.
I don't know what the stages of grief, like what the numerical order is, but I was in denial the other day. I'm just in full-blown sadness.
ESPN played. I didn't leave my couch from 12 o'clock until 7.30 to take a shower because ESPN was playing the greatest Tom Brady games ever like back to back to back to back to back to back starting in 2001 all the way until uh they beat the Rams and I was literally basically tearing up at the end of every one when it's like they have the motivational like you know the Patriots came together and won a championship and just realizing that he's the greatest quarterback of all time he's not gonna be a Patriot it's just extremely sad especially and stuff.
It's like, it seems like they could have made it work. I don't know why they didn't.
I don't, I just, I'm sad. I'm sad.
I'm sad. Can I give you something that maybe you can, you can hold onto for a little bit longer? Because there are some rumors out there that the league might have to look into allegations of tampering because yeah, they were talking with him behind the scenes.
Apparently Tamper what i'm calling them that's why that's my headline hank you feel free to take that but uh tampa has been accused through anonymous sources of tampering with tom brady so you never know and that would actually the more i think about it that would be the quintessential patriots belichick move is to like let tom brady go with instructions like, hey, let them tamper with you and then comply with the league office when they do their investigation. So you get draft picks taken away from someone, and then you come back home to Papa, because I don't think Brian Hoyer is going to be the starting quarterback for the Patriots.
No, here's another one, Hank, because PFT gave you that, and I like that one, but here's another one I've been throwing around in my head. Is there a chance that the Patriots, Bill Belichick, is going to tank this year with Brian Hoyer as the quarterback? And hear me out, though.
Hear me out. Bill Belichick's the greatest coach of all time.
Would that not also make him the greatest tanker of all time and then they somehow get Trevor Lawrence and it's another 20 years? No, absolutely not it's not about a quarterback it's about to say you can't say every single big cat i would i would i would be running with you if i didn't watch all these every single at the end of every single episode it's all the players from over the beginning like it started with rabble and him being like you know bill just wants you to buy in the system everyone's got to do their job we had a collection of ragtag group of people it was that every single year and it's like everyone buys in the system they do their job they do their part they come together as a team and they win the super bowl there's no way in hell that bill belichick ever tells people to tank okay yeah i'm with you big cat though it would be the smart thing to do in our in our brains but bill belichick isn't wired that way i don't think but you're right like this is the year that they should tank, and I'm sure that if Belichick wanted to tank, he would be fucking awesome at tanking. He would find a way to lose every game by one point and have it be competitive and cover every spread and lose every game and then just have Trevor Lawrence be the quarterback for the next 20 years.
Hank, I have a little Monday reading I wanted to throw in there. It's from the Tampa Bay Times.
So this was the story about how the Bucs got Brady. And I thought this one was really, like, a lot of people don't know Tom Brady.
So I thought this really spoke to his character, and if it's going to work out for him in Tampa Bay. Here it goes.
Brady never asked for control of the offense. He knew that Arians offensive coordinator Byron Leftwich, quarterbacks coach Clyde Christensen and special assistant Tom Moore would collaborate with him on game plans.
He didn't ask for any specific players to join him. He didn't even ask to wear number 12, which for the moment belongs to Godwin.
In fact, there was only one request Brady had after he signed. He wanted the phone numbers of all his new Bucs teammates.

Let's sad. It brings a tear to my eye.
He's the greatest quarterback of all time. Damn.
And an even better person off the field. Yes, that's my sound of it.
Yes, exactly. All right, so we had that.
I'm also open. I think I wouldn't be opposed to, like, what do you guys think about – because they were showing the Edelman to Amendola catch, and I was thinking, like, what about a three-quarterback system and Edelman's, like, he plays, like, one or two downs.
Right, a throuple. I like that a lot.
Yeah, and, you know, I actually think that Belichick with Hoyer, he's trying to recapture that magic he had in, what was it 2009, when Matt Castle took over for a season. I think Belichick thinks, like, if I have an averagely talented or slightly below average quarterback and he knows my system, my system will will us to 11 wins.
Oh, he will. The Patriots will, with Brian Hoyer, or who's the backup? Stidham.
He might be the starter. We'll find a way to, likea-dope Jets and Bills and Dolphins fans into thinking they can win the AFC East and somehow win the AFC East with Brian Hoyer.
I think it's going to be Stidham, but I think Hoyer helps because it's like he's a backup that's going to be – he knows the system, so he can make Stidham better by competing harder. There you go.
There you go. The other thing we had – It's been a long weekend, all right? Yeah.
Yeah, the other thing we had a long weekend all right yeah the other thing we had was uh big ben showed his face and uh he has he was built for a quarantine he was built for a quarantine he looks like he's been in the woods for he looks like that guy that hermit who was in the woods for like 25 years without anyone touching him no no, no, not him. The guy, it was like a story.

I think it was like two years ago.

Christopher McCandless.

The guy in Maine, although he shaved, but he basically lived outside of society for like 30 years.

Terry Nichols.

I don't remember his name.

Was that his name?

Well, Terry Nichols, I think he was the guy that bombed the Olympics.

Got it.

Got it.

Not Richard Jewell. No, that was Richard Jewell.
The Grizzly man. Richard Jewell.
Yeah, the Grizzly man. He looks like him.
He's got a great beard going, and I do think that he's going to keep it going until he throws a pass in training camp. I think he's just going to show up just looking like the youngest member of ZZ Top.
And he's going to – Ben Roethlisberger, he's going to come back better than ever, I think. Next year it's going to be so, like, frustrating for defenses to bring him down when he's, like, 310 pounds.
There's also going to be so many injuries when people come back to sports. Don't say that.
Don't say that. Don't say that.
Sorry, take that. He also started the video with, hi, Ben Roethlisberger here.
Like, who else would be doing that video from the Steelers' main account?

But he looks so ridiculous that, yeah, maybe we actually didn't know it was Ben Roethlisberger.

Yeah.

Ben Roethlisberger, his face in that video is just an embodiment of the meme of

when you accidentally open the camera facing your face.

Mm-hmm.

When someone FaceTimes you and you're like, no, no, I can't take this. Yeah, it's a great beard, and I hope he continues to grow.
But you're right. He is built for quarantine life.
His offseason this far, like through January, February, March, ever since the NFL season ended, that's his typical workout routine is what everyone else is going through right now, which is just kind of stay in your house, eat chips, watch a lot of TV. And then, I don't know, maybe like mid-July, we'll get back outside for the first time and throw a football.
By the way, have you guys – I'm like – I'm now a supporter of FaceTime. The quarantine will make people do weird things.
I've always spoken out against FaceTime. I thought that it's ridiculous that people will just make you look at your own ugly face while you talk on the phone.
It's ridiculous to do phone calls anymore. But after seven or eight or nine, however many days we've done this, I've been FaceTiming like friends and like, hey, it's actually nice to see your face.
It's like nice to laugh and have human interaction. It's a weird world we're living in.
Wow, you've changed, big cat. Yeah, I know.
I agree. I've been crashing zoom meetings and just getting into sports arguments with strangers that that are foolish enough to like tweet out their zoom meeting id yeah then they mute me pretty quickly everyone becomes tone to reality when you've got someone trying to talk giannis versus lebron on your live stream um should we do our who's back of the week and then get to billy football what everyone is listening for let's do it all right hank who's your who's back of the week my who's back of the week and then get to Billy football, what everyone is listening for? Let's do it.
All right, Hank, who's your who's back of the week? My who's back of the week is Instagram challenges. Oh, yeah.
Every single person has taken it upon themselves. It's kind of the worst where it's like, I'm stuck in my house.
I'm going to do something. And so there's been all these challenges, whether they're push-up challenges, jumping jack you got to do the do the 10 push-ups and tag someone else and they got to do it draw a carrot draw an apple i've just been tagging so many challenges i've had no desire to do any of them and i know because you know that people are only doing them because they're bored big cat i just got yours i'm probably going to do that one yes because i'm like work pressure but no because it's easy so i'm doing the i'm doing the count to five challenge i tagged you as well pft all you're on tic tac or where no it's on instagram all you're gonna do is count to five with your fingers and then topanga's already in it roan got topanga in it oh so it's kind of going viral and all right it's going to change how we do fitness inside.

Yeah, grip strength.

Everyone's grip strength is going to be really good by the end of this anyways. People kept on commenting about my

knuckles because they're like bleeding. I've just

washed my hands so many times that I'm not going to have

hands in a week. Listen, people are

going to shame you no matter what. If you put a video

or a picture of yourself online, they're going to find something

to nitpick on it.

Hold on. Hank's trying to count to five.
This might take

a minute. No, I was trying to...
Yeah, it actually might. Do it by twos, Hank.
Count to five by twos. I've noticed whenever you put a picture of your thumb on the internet, there's no such thing as a good-looking thumb online.
Everyone's thumb looks fucked up. Yeah.
No, I agree. It's rare to have a good-looking thumb.
Remember that remember that guy we talked to we should actually i think we're actually going to start throwing in some uh barstool gold a couple old old ones but remember the guy we talked to who didn't have thumbs he had extra fingers and he didn't tell us till the end of the interview uh-huh that was fucking wild that was crazy these are the moments we got to think of when we when we get really depressed and we're like hey there's nothing left in life like hey remember that time we talked to a guy who had no thumbs and he didn't tell us till after we had talked to him for an hour i bet his hand size is huge though that probably adds another half inch onto your onto your hand wingspan it's true it's true um yeah he didn't tell us till we shook his hand right who was it I think it was the guy who created the Game of Thrones language. And when we shook his hand, we were like, wait, what's going on, dude? And he's like, oh, yeah, forgot to mention, was born without thumbs.
Like, yeah, you did forget to mention. I love it.
Who should I tag in my Instagram? Tom Brady. The Count to Five Challenge.
Let's see. Edelman.
We're doing this live, folks. This is riveting.
You should tag Brooks. Brooks, yeah.
I'm going to look like a fucking loser, though. I'm going to look like a cloud chaser if I'm just tagging people that don't even know me.
Tag JPP. Yeah.
Who's that?

Jason Pierpaw.

Tag.

All right, fine.

Then tag, I don't know, a couple people from the office.

Just throw in a few randos.

Tech guy, Andrew.

There it is.

Love it.

Tech guy, Andrew.

All right, PFT Witcher, who's back?

My who's back of the week is true love because it occurred to me that people are not going to be able to cheat during this whole lock-in shutout thing. Got into a big convo about that over the weekend, and it's like, yeah, you are going to fall back in love.
A lot of people are going to fall back in love, have new babies, rediscover the romance in their life because all their other options are, boom, out the window right now. Or what's going to happen to the people who have been telling their significant other or telling their, like, guma that they are single? That's the problem.
There's definitely someone out there right now who's married, who's been cheating on his wife and been telling the woman he's cheating on

with that he's totally single and living too long.

Bartolo Colon, that's going to fall down like a house of cards.

The double family situation is big time trouble.

Yeah, this virus is a homewrecker for homewreckers.

It's going to be a big, big time deal.

Is that it?

Yeah, just true love is back. I think that's a pretty big deal, though.
Like the world needs more of it. Yes, absolutely.
All right. My who's back is my hatred for Twitter is definitely coming back big time because we have a very combustible situation.
It's a love-hate relationship with you, Big Cat, though. Well, but here's the thing is without sports twitter has now become just uh terrible news and uh open mic night for for aspiring comedians and so it's it's a i'm gonna slowly start to hate it more and more i need some live sports to actually like mix it up because i don't know how often you guys have been going on twitter throughout the day but it's like you can't you can't go on twitter and within the first within the first five tweets, not see something that just says the world is ending.
Yeah, no, there's, there's a lot of like doom and gloom fear porn out there, a lot of like worst case scenarios. I think people, news organizations are starting to figure out that if they put the worst case scenario in the headline of any of the stories, they get more clicks, but then it just, it becomes a game of one-upsmanship.
Like Time Magazine, if they're going to want to get any hits to their website, they're going to have to put out an article that says like 90% of America is going to be infected and 40% of us are going to die. And if they don't, then they're not going to make their ad budget for the next month.
So it's like a race to the bottom. It sucks.
But, yeah, you're right. But that's what Twitter's been like.
Yeah, they're like the headlines like best case scenario.

We can leave our houses in six months.

Like I've read that.

I was like, okay, this is just the worst.

I need to phone away.

Medical science professionals predict that you will die

before you reach the end of this article.

I would click the shit out of that link.

Yes, absolutely.

And then my other who's back is suicidal big cat that everyone thought they were going to get for the tournament they're replaying old games on CBS and I was reading the schedule because I'm watching all of them they're going to I think next week start replaying Final Four and Final Games so they're going to play the 2015 final game Duke Wisconsin Hank I. Hank, I have not seen it once.
We were at it. I have not seen it.
So that will be my first rewatch of it. I will live tweet it, and it will be horrendous.
So I'm just waiting for that to pop up on the schedule. Hopefully it's at like 2 a.m., and I don't have to do primetime because I'm not looking forward to that.
It'll definitely be primetime.

It has to be, yeah.

One of the best games of all time.

One of the best games of all time.

All right, should we do it?

Should we get to our boy Billy Football?

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Okay, here he is, Billy Football. Okay, we now welcome on one of our favorite guests, former intern, set free into the world.
It is Billy Football. He is joining us from an undisclosed location somewhere in America.
He is quarantined. But we figured we had Dr.
Fauci on last week. Why not have a Gen Zer? Notice I didn't say millennial, a Gen Z-er that everyone is talking about in the news today to help us better understand coronavirus

slash we just wanted to see Billy's face and talk to him.

So Billy, welcome back.

It's great to see you.

It's great to hear from you.

How are you feeling?

I got a minor cough.

I'm currently quarantined due to being exposed to someone

with Corona. The person I'm with is showing a lot of symptoms of Corona without a fever.
So hopefully I can give you some tips on how to take care of someone with corona yes and just give you a little background

and kind of you know dr fauci is a legend in his own regard uh i nowhere have any sort of uh what you call it credentials i wouldn't say that billy i'd say that you're you're very well qualified to talk about that you're you're like resident zoomer health correspondent right now Yeah, you also have just like a strong, virile mind that is curious, intellectually curious and vivacious. So I think you're more than qualified to give us some answers on the Rona, the big C.
Well, I just want to have a little field research, I'd say, from being on the outside. But I first want to start this.
I promised a couple people that if I was going to go on, I sort of send the message. I know this is going to be about 10 minutes of your time.
I just need to be... No free-off.
Is this like you're inviting some girl to prom on part of my take? This is like, honestly, my grandma told me to say a bunch of this because she's kind of disappointed in a lot of the millennials and Zoomers. Yep.
So basically, this might be a rant. I hope it's more like a pep talk for the country.
Take a knee, America. Gather around.
So basically, everybody has a cause in my generation. Everyone's got some sort of thing that they got going.
They're a vegetarian. They love the earth.
They want to legalize pot or something. All of these things have in common.
The one thing that all these people, no matter if they want to solve global warming or whatever, at the end of the day, these people just want to help people. That's the main thing at the basis of all of these.
I'm not a big cause guy. I'm more of just kind of like a get through the day, sort of deal with what I have to deal with, and sort of just stay out of trouble guy.
But this is a cause, I think, that everybody who at the end of the day just wants to help people, that we really just got help people. You know, if you don't, at the end of the day, like I'm really calling upon my generation.
We got a lot of, we got a lot of flack from the old elders. Grandma's listening.
Yeah. No, almost swore.
A lot of, a lot of guff. You get a lot of guff.
Who, who, you know,, gives a hard time for being on our phones. But I think we have the potential to be one of the greatest generations looking at historical context.
The last time a pandemic hit the United States was 1918. 1918 was when the greatest generation of our time was born.
They grew up during the Spanish flu and the Great Depression. They fought in World War II and they helped us achieve this post-war debate, debatable, but boom, that brought, you know, a lot of bettered a lot of people's lives.
I think we have the potential if we really deal with this virus, we combat it, you know, the older people really have to, you know, sit on the sidelines for this one. Because at the end of the day, they're going to get sick and we got to step up.
And, you know, the younger ones are not going to do anything. So, like, we can't depend on preteens.
The TikTok generation aren't really doing too well. Oh, yeah.
Your generation's shaming out of the bat. I mean, I'm saying they're too young.
So we got to step up. We got to start helping out our communities.
You know, you got nothing to do. You're sitting inside.
You know, if you're healthy and you can, if you're an able body, go out with masks and gloves and disinfectants, you know, deliver for your favorite restaurant, help out your favorite restaurant, help out your community, deliver for old people, make sure you're disinfecting everything. We got to start taking care of the elders who have taken care of us for our whole lives, you know? So, uh, we can, this is our D day.
Yeah. This is like legit.
Like they're saying that like, you know, like honestly, like you could say that our lives were pretty boring before this, just in the general way. Like, now we have a cause.
So let's mobilize, motivate, and just get it going. Because we could really accomplish something here.
Now, I'm not saying this is no disrespect to the greatest generation on earth, but we could be the LeBron to their MJ, if you will, of we can get going and we really gotta look at our you know our privilege as being a citizens of the united states of america because you know debatably but pretty easily we could say that we you know our government will not get authoritarian with us and lock us in our homes and force quarantine us. So we have to take that privilege of, you know, them trusting us to do the right thing to go out and sort of make sure we do not spread this virus.
Billy, but don't go outside, right? Don't go outside. Just listen to directions and try to help out as much as you can, your communities and societies, because's pretty stretched thin right now.
If you're an able body, just do what you can to help out the situation. Basically, the Spanish flu, I'm looking historically, the Spanish flu hit worse the second winter.
Now, think about this. We got hit with this as America about, what, February, I'd say, January, February.
We only have the back end of winter. Summer, it's going to get better.
But if we don't act now, come the fall, we're going to get hit harder than we are now. So if we act now, we can do things like, you know, if you don't care about, if it's slipping your mind that you got to save elders, you know, your friend's little sister with asthma, we got to think about one thing.
We're not going to have football come fall. That's right.
For the first time since I think the invention of American football, we're not going to have football. And, you know, if that's your driving force, like I played 11 seasons of tackle football.
If I'm going to miss my senior season because people can't get their stuff together, I mean, and, you know, act like good citizens of this country, then I don't know what we're going to do. So if we can, and then if we don't, if football gets canceled, God forbid, and hopefully it's not this.
Just forget it after that. Yeah.
Because the second winter is going to like, it's not going to, I'm not going to say it's going to destroy us because we'll persevere because I'll get to that in a minute, but we need to, you know, get our stuff together so we can solve this. Like, listen, like stop partying.
I know it's spring break. Just stop because there will be no other spring break if you keep partying and that might actually that might sound like like we want another one yeah like but not if the coronavirus is still around yes right yeah so so no other reason just let billy have his senior night like i want billy to be walked across the field by his proud parents you know wearing roses and big buttons with his big smiling face on onto their chest if you don't let billy have that senior night then that's on you like i don't it might not float your boat right now to be like oh i'm gonna stay inside and not party but just think what you're doing to william football yeah like think think, if you're not going to, if you're not going to do it for the people you love and you're that sick in the head, I mean, maybe do it for me.
I don't know if that would attract. No, whatever it takes for you.
We don't want Billy football to graduate in a fucking zoom meeting. Come on.
Let's go people. Anyways.
Tell me more about the Spanish flu, Billyy the spanish flu was insane so actually it was the first swine flu oh it actually it was actually it started in kansas swine is pig right yeah so the the the hog farms in kansas were right next to a u.s military base and it spread amongst the U.S. service members who then went to Europe and spread it all during World War I.

And that was the first winter, and it wasn't that bad.

But then the second winter, it went nuts.

So if we're looking at pandemics, that's also a respiratory disease.

They say it killed more people than actual casualties in World War I.

I know I'm scaring people right now, but don't worry. there's a

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there's a there's a there's a there's a there's a there's a That's also a respiratory disease. They say it killed more people than actual casualties in World War I.

I know I'm scaring people right now, but don't worry. There's a silver lining at the end of this.
I'll get to it, but I don't want to scare any more people. We have enough people trying to scare people.
But at the end of this, listen to this. The plague in the Middle Ages led to the Renaissance.
The Spanish flu in America led to probably World War II, but it led to the post-war boom that we're all still practically enjoying. Well, you could say it led to the defeat of Nazism.
Yeah, the rise first. Yeah, but then also the defeat.
Right. Make sure you get that part in there.
Think about when we get out of this, when we do, not if, when we get out of this, because we're going to get out of this, it's going to take a lot. Think about what's going to happen.
It's going to be a renaissance of the 21st century. And when we get there, we can celebrate.
But right now, we've got to do the blocking and tackling to get it done

that's right what yeah before you do the touchdown dance you got to win in the trenches first what do you think the the 21st century renaissance is going to look like just a shitload more podcasts no honestly it's going to be content creation people are going people are creating content in their homes everyone has nothing to do but i think it's going to bring back a lot of stuff that we lost during the tech generation. Because if you're using tech, you can't film other tech unless you're playing video games.
But people are going to bring back traditions that they sort of lost because they're too busy on their phones and stuff. What are the people going to film? I've seen people like bringing back board games, more stuff, more stuff like crafts traditions that were lost.
Like amateur pornography. There's going to be a boom in an amateur, like just homemade porn, just kicking it with the guys.
Oh, sorry. Sorry.
Come on, dude. Nana's listening.
We're going to get to the fun stuff later. Yeah.
So anyway, we're hitting the point where McDonald's is closing 7 p.m. Eastern time on Monday.
We might not have football. America has never faced something like this in a long time.
So like think about it. I mean that you just – I'm going to say this right now, Billy.
Like we've talked to a lot of people. I've read a lot of stuff.
McDonald's closing at 7 p.m. That's a sobering thought.
Yeah. Like you can't get a Big Mac after 7 p.m.
on Monday, unless they're doing some delivery thing. I'm not sure.
I just saw that article. So what about breakfast? Are they, are they still going to be open in the morning? If you want to get us, by the way, if I'm wrong about anything i said please fact check me i've just been right all right no you're not you're not a scientist now do you suggest people knowing this mcdonald's is going to close 7 p.m do you think people should go and maybe hoard as many french fries beforehand i mean maybe you got till 7 p.m tomorrow all right yeah fact check billy give him some Billy.
Give him some Pinocchios on that. I think McDonald's counts as non-perishable.
So I think that's true. So it's interesting because when you reached out to us and we tried to set you up coming on the show, I was interested to know more about from your nutritional background.
You were our nutritionist when you first joined, pardon my take. What are are some things that people can do what are some good non-perishables that they can stock up on that will deliver you like long-term nutritional value um okay so my diet strategy for the i'm planning for the apocalypse i'm low-key like a closet wait what the guy you just us a pump up speech.
I know, but you got to prepare for the worst. Okay.
All right. So like I used to watch like doomsday preppers on like every channel when I was little.
And I was always like, Oh man, when it hits, I'm going to know what to do. So kind of had a whole plan and strategy in place.
So first off, this isn't a plug by any means, but I was looking at the non-perishables and I found Popeye's spinach. And this stuff is probably banned by the NCAA.
Like this stuff is going to get you jacked. I don't know if it's placebo, but we've all watched the cartoons.
It's going to do something. Yeah.
If you squeeze it directly out of the can into your mouth, you can feel your biceps getting bigger. I haven't gotten strong enough to do that yet, but if I eat more, I think we'll get there.
What about Billy? What about, I know I personally, I can feel my muscles atrophying. I can't go to a gym.
I can't do anything. I have a weight vest that I walk around in.
But other than that, it's really been bad for my health. So what should I do? Okay.
So what I've been doing is I've been having to deal with a lot of stuff. Actually, wait, let me just get one more serious thing and then one more serious thing.
Okay. So if you're taking care of someone who might have Corona, this is my strategy.
So I'm currently taking care of someone who might have Corona. So I'm giving them electrolyte water.
I'm giving them a gallon of it. And then I'm giving them another gallon of water after they finish that in one day.
So two gallons of water. First gallons of electrolytes.
Second gallons regular. Do you recommend sex to help fix the corona? No, no.
I'm recommending also hot green tea, lemon juice, and honey three times a day because the hot water washes down the virus. Okay.
Okay. Sounds legit.
Barrel hot water and salt three times a day and test your temperature, test the temperature of your patient every day. And if they have a fever, fever give them Tylenol anyway okay that's all I have to say the serious stuff grandma you can now uh close the podcast um thank you so much for listening uh sorry I haven't seen you in a long time I'll call you today grandma all right okay love you grandma love you grandma Billy's not gonna get you sick he's this.
He's staying away because he loves you. Yeah.
All right.

Now we can get to things. Anyway.

Okay.

So what I've been doing is I've just been ripping

Red Bull just 24 seconds.

It has B12.

It has B12 in it, which is supposed to keep

Corona away.

Yeah.

Whose phone is that?

It's my phone.

It's my buddy, Lang. Thanks, Lang.
Come on, Lang. Come on, Lang.
How's Dale doing, by the way? Dale's doing amazing. Dale is playing D3 lacrosse.
Oh, shit. He went that route.
He could have played football. Is he upset that his season got canceled? Yeah, he's upset.
I mean, it freshman season he wasn't gonna play anyway i mean no are you gonna take your extra year of eligibility if you get it i don't know how it's all gonna work i'm just sort of thinking about corona right now and staying in shape if i've been i've definitely been exposed to corona i definitely might have corona but i'm probably one of those people who like are spreading and have no idea they have it so i'm'm just like safely, like I have a small cough. So whenever I get like congested, I've been ripping smelling salts, been totally clearing me up.
So my workout plan is, so football coaches and strength coaches across the nation are freaking out because all their guys have put on so much mass over the winter, so much numbers. And now most of them don't have gyms in their house because you know, football players social lifters they like to lift as a team they don't really like to lift by themselves and they don't have to so no one really has at home gyms kind of because they don't go to their high school to lift so what i've been doing is i've been ripping 300 push-ups a day sporadically throughout the day i kind of like basically when i first got into quarantine i was worried about this.
So I looked up prison workouts because solitary confinement type stuff. Yeah.
Yeah. What did you find? Well, you see all the tweets.
Like I wish I could go to prison and focus on gym. Well, now's your time to focus on nothing else to do.
So planks, 300 pushups, planks in between every 25 or 50 depends on how in shape are. Wall sits, but you've got to put something heavy on your quads while you're doing it because that really gets your legs burning.
Pull-ups as many as you can. And then if you've got a buddy who's not sick, not aching.
Pull-up on what? Pull-up on something. Some random things.
Make sure you sanitize them first though. Yeah.
Yeah. I mean, if you can go outside, I mean, fire escapes, whatever you can do.
Yep. On the ground floor.
Billy, do you recommend just going around? Like you were talking about helping out people. Do you recommend just going around and just like maybe sanitizing random surfaces around like New York City?

Also, I mean, if they're public places.

Also, I have a couple of recipes for disinfectants.

I'd love to hear those.

Yeah.

Okay.

Whoa.

Oh, you're right?

Dude.

Yeah.

It's a wet cough.

I don't think that's.

No, the dry cough's a bad one.

The wet cough's a good one.

My cough is destructive.

You're the scientist.

My bad.

So if you,

so if you're running out of bleach,

rubbing alcohol,

you know, hand sanitizer, whatever,

go to your liquor store and buy Everclear.

It has a super high alcohol content.

Water it down,

and that can be a great disinfectant.

Like seriously.

This is great content, but like seriously.

You're right.

What else? And you can get fucked up

on it. I mean

hypothetically. Jungle juice.

Yeah. Jungle juice is

the best medicine for this virus it sounds like.

Yeah. So that's

what I've been doing. I mean I call it crisis fuel.
Red Bull, Big Will. You know, I'm in crisis mode right now.
What's in crisis fuel? Give us the... Crisis fuels, Red Bull, chocolate milk, Big Will.
Just like... I've been making some killer meals, though.
Just like, I'm going for like quarantine bulk because who knows hypothetically food runs out you want you want the extra blubber the same I've been looking around my apartment that would mean they would come after you first they go after the fattest now you want some weight on you yeah you need some mass you need some strength so wait so just so people at home know, crisis fuel is Red Bull, chocolate milk, Everclear, and Dayquil. Minus the Everclear.
Well, the Everclear is that's like a chaser. A little bit.
Just a little. Crisis fuel.
So, Billy, I've been looking around my apartment, and I've been doing some squats. I've been doing some planks.
I've been hitting the peloton hard. But I don't know how to get my biceps going because i don't have any just you know i don't have dumbbells there should i take a pillowcase and like fill it up with books and then use that or what so what i've been doing is i get a broom stick right i put two buckets of actually like this the water right painter buckets and then just curl that oh that a good pump.
This is like Rocky IV right now. Yeah, I mean, it's kind of...
Do you spill at all? Have you ever spilled? Yeah, but I do it in the garage. Yeah.
That's actually, that just helps with the crisis fuel. That's how you mix the crisis fuel.
We don't have garages in New York City. No, do it in your bathroom or something.
Get creative, yeah. I might just hang a couple a couple of chairs.
Yeah. That's pretty much what I've been doing.
All right. So, you know what else? No, you got to learn how to shop smart.
Everyone's panic buying. You got to get out of the box.
So what I've been doing is when I went, I'm buying smart. So the thing is people will buy spaghetti, right? Penne, like regular shaped pasta.
No one's buying the lasagna noodles. Completely the same, like pasta and like bread too.
Everyone's buying bread. No one's buying hot dog rolls.
You know what I'm saying? So I've been making PB and J's and hot dog rolls. And honestly, I'm never going back because the PB and J doesn't fall out of the sand.
Like PB and J falls out of sandwiches in the hot hot dog world, it's like a taco, you know? That's cheap. You never know.
Is it a PB&J hot dog or a PB&J sandwich? It's – I've got – yeah. Well, it's all a societal construct, so.
True. Good point.
That's true. You learned that in what, Philosophy 101? Yeah, everything's a construct.
Hot Pop, society. You've been exposed to some very dangerous ideas in college, Billy.
Yeah. Yeah.
What's the most practical thing that you've learned in college that you've been able to adapt to dealing with this coronavirus? That's a good question. I survived mono.
I'll survive this. I mean, I'm not going to go down with corona.
I gonna go down with corona i'm not right well isn't can you say that viruses are just a construct as well well no viruses aren't might not actually be life they might be aliens what that one yeah they don't have regular dna okay so like that's another thing we don't really know how these things work entirely right how did it how did it start what is your do you have any like well my opinion is so they so they did the dna let me look at my notes this is just opinion people so everyone thinks it's bats but the picture so it matches bat corona dna 96 or 98's different articles. But they can't directly link the bats to humans.
What I think is they needed a separate character in the middle. And what a lot of people think is it went from bats to a certain Asian yellow, I want to say.
Pangolins. I've been talking about these fuckers So the thing is according to Eastern Medicine Pangelins scales they look like that Pokemon the Armadillo Sand Charmander Pikachu Raphael it was the Rayquaza I Pikachu.
No, the one, it was like – Raphael. It was the Rayquaza.
I don't get it. No, but anyway.
The scales are – Palosand. Yeah, wait.
What was his name? Palosand. Maybe.
That's it. Yeah.
Palosand. Yeah.
So those things, if they think that they grind up the scales, like have secret properties so some of them are treating anxiety and the other one was devils and ogres and women that was the other cure probably makes your dick hard blood flow and circulation that's i feel like that most modern medicine is like this could cure disease or it could make your dick hard. Yeah, it's $600 a scale.
It's like gone insane. It's like the biggest traded exotic animal in China.
Anyway, I think it went from bats to pangolins to humans. That's the scientific answer.
Do you think that maybe there's any chance this has something to do with joe exotics like tiger and wild animal farm because we're getting like that documentary is getting so many ratings right now because everyone's sitting in their house yeah i just want to have a direct line to purchasing those things yeah i just watched episode three and it was nuts actually did you see that netflix conspiracy that um they had a documentary about pandemics that was the the trailer was released like two hours after the first case of coronavirus was reported in china geez that's hey i mean it's interesting the netflix of netflix built pandemic have you have you looked into bill gates at all billy no i i don't think he's he's losing a

lot of money right now okay check check that out what about epstein is he associated with this in any way hey who knows i mean i'm not is it appropriate for us to be happy that harvey weinstein has contracted this disease yeah i mean if i was harvey i'd pretend that i had it too because I just want to get on the gem pop real quick.

Do you think, think though that coronavirus kind of a bullshit move to go into harvey weinstein because then it's kind of getting a little bit of like a plus on the on the uh everyone's like hey go coronavirus go like i'm team coronavirus when it pertains to harvey weinstein well you know it's really messed up there's a whole group of people on the internet sick individuals who are rooting for corona because they think it's going to depopulate the earth and stop global warming damn that's those people that's just a bad opinion to have yeah i'm anti those i'm i'm anti-viral genocide i'm pro human race yeah what about harvey weinstein are you rooting for the corona anti anti so in that that see what i'm saying though like in that specific case we actually are team coronavirus yes well it's kind of fucked up exactly yeah i mean if anything the coronavirus has shown that we're all hypocrites exactly you Every rule every rule there's an exception yeah yeah that's true now i'm interested in when you say that this might be an alien virus like not just a zoonotic transmission like you were talking about with the bats and the pangelines and all that stuff because i've heard that theory too where like if you look at the percentage of life on earth it's like 97 of it it or whatever is uh you can't see it with naked eye it's like a microbe level or it's like a viral level or something like that so if you're thinking about alien life forms we're not why are we automatically assuming that they're all like little green or humanoids right they could be tiny little viruses no well what i heard this guy screaming on the side of the street about this he was like he was like this is the first part of an alien invasion they're using this to weaken us and they're coming right after and who knows what uh here what is it yeah what april has in store yeah what what were his uh do you was he sourced well or uh no i didn't check his credentials okay where's his cardboard signs peer-reviewedreviewed? We'll have to take a look at that. Okay, so Billy, I do appreciate, though, you speaking as a Zoomer, trying to tell kids, like, hey, you guys got to stay inside because this is going to get bad.
This is going to get worse. What other things can your generation do to try to pass the time to make staying inside cool that's really the like the code we haven't cracked how can we make staying inside a cool thing for people that just want to fucking party i mean honestly so here let me check my notes okay seebes i, it's definitely getting kids to stop vaping.
Yeah. That's a nice bonus, yeah.
I think people are quitting cigarettes, too. Yeah, I mean, like, there's – because think about it.
The countries that are getting hit hardest have the highest smoking rates. Right.
So, hey. Hey.
Billy, from a practical standpoint, I was thinking about going into the office over the course of the week at some point because we have the bench press in the studio and there's not going to be anybody around.

How how long would I have to wait?

Let's just say like I went in, knocked out a few reps on the bench.

I wipe it down with Clorox.

At what point does it become safe for Hank to get in there and throw some iron around?

Well, I heard the virus lasts three days without a host. That's what I heard.
Okay, but what about the Clorox? Well, it might kill it, but to be totally safe, you know? Okay. Yeah.
We'll have to schedule our workouts in that way, Hank. Yeah.
Three days apart. Yeah.
All right, anything else for us, Billy? This has been very very informative thank you um basically our new like month our new sunday ritual just have like really i mean if if you need me to do research on something i will come on the show yes we do the facts i can get yeah we're gonna have a lot of questions yeah are you scared am i scared um honestly like i, like, I'm kind of really comfortable in this crisis situation. It's like my mind moves real fast, and at a time like this, this is kind of the time for your mind to move fast.
So I feel like everyone's at my speed now. Yeah.
No, I mean, some people, they tend to get calmer in times of great crisis, and I you have that quality that's a sign of a good leader hopefully but uh let me think yeah i'm just i'm honestly just the product of someone who wasn't allowed to watch cartoons and only could watch sports the discovery channel history channel hgtv animal planet so that's a lot of channels yeah but just not cartoon network right no cartoons i like it i got to watch tv as a kid i watch a lot of tv like myth busters that's sick it's educational yeah and now you're our director of pandemic response i thought that guy wearing the beret like that was a little after a while i on, just take it off. I mean, if I was, like, what would you do if you were balding? You have to have, yeah.
Or you could do the Bret Michaels and just rock the bandana, the do-rag with the cowboy hat. Yeah.
I was driving through Chicago, and there's so many billboards of Brian Urlakis. Yes.
It's like ridiculous. Like, it's like.
Yes. The minute you get off a plane at O'Hare, it's like right in your face everywhere.
Brian Urlacher. Change your life.
New hair, baby. But it was like so many, so not spaced out.
It was like ridiculous. Yeah, well, they really want to let you know that you too can look awesome with new hair.
Hey. Hey.
I think I got good hair genes. You got great hair.
Also, my great-great aunt was supposed to die of Spanish flu. Oh.
But she survived. She said she wasn't supposed to live through the night, and she ended up living till 90.
So what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Hell yeah.
That's right. That's a great message.
And after this is over, you're going to be immune to having it, right? Basically, you're going to be able to like run all the errands for everyone. Yeah.
It's like a superpower, but you might also spread it to everybody. So you got to be careful.

True.

But I love that, Billy.

So we're all going to – we got to beat this thing, and then we all live to 90.

And we have a renaissance.

And a renaissance.

All right, Billy.

Well, thank you.

Thanks, guys.

It's great to see you.

Thanks, buddy.

We might give you some more research projects if this lasts more than a few months.

Hey, as long as it helps people pass the time and gives people a smile

and gets them through this time, that's still a good thing.

It does.

Thank you. research projects if this lasts more than a few months hey as long as it helps people pass the time it gives people a smile and gets them through this time it does i'll tell you what it absolutely does people will be very happy that you were on the on today and happy to hear from you crisis fuel you guys all right thanks billy thanks billy good luck taking care of your patient as well tell that that person that we're rooting for him.
Definitely. Thanks, boys.
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And now, our lawyer, Mike Portnoy Esquire. And now for something completely different.
Okay, we now welcome on our lawyer, one of our favorite recurring guests. We're doing a little throwback because we're going to be in Skype mode very soon with the coronavirus.
When we were talking about doing our show with Skype, I remember that's how I got started with you. You got canceled though, right? Your show got canceled? Oh no, we're going to be all over the place.
Y'all getting canceled, we're not.

Oh, seems like you're, okay, at least you got some fight left in you. Are you

nervous about

the coronavirus? Because I heard through the grapevine

you weren't respecting

the Rona. You weren't taking it

seriously. I figured

this is why you wanted to talk to me.

We haven't spoken in such a long while.

You probably figured this is the last time, maybe, that we'll ever speak. Yep.
We're going to hold this interview, actually, and hope that you survive. And if you don't, we'll run that.
I would honestly just like, if you do pass away, can you put in your will that we get access to all your mail that comes in, your burnt mail? I'm not ready to commit to that yet. Okay.
I'm talking about the mail. You can come okay i'll be there all right but no seriously are you are you staying safe we want to make sure that you're staying safe in all seriousness all jokes aside it is serious issue i'm i'm uh in beautiful florida it looks like for the longest period of time i'm looking at a beautiful sunset out of my balcony and this is the this is the longest time we've ever been here.
Because the only reason I really wanted to go back, I haven't seen my grandchildren, who are nine and five. Shout out Max B.
We went back. And Matt B.
And if we went back, we couldn't see him for 14 days anyway. So I will say the interesting part about this, which I, you folks really probably can't relate to this, but, you know, I'm in pretty decent health for my age.

But now that everybody's saying elderly, elderly, elderly, you start to think they're talking about me.

Yeah. Yeah.
Yes.

I don't, you know, I don't think of myself that way, but apparently I better start.

Thank you. and they're talking about me.
Yeah, yeah, yes. I don't think of myself that way, but apparently I better start.
Well, you're young at heart. I think you do have some feisty.
If I was the coronavirus, I would not mess with Mr. Portnoy.
Yeah, yeah. I don't know if I'm young at heart.
I have a heart. No, and you me, am I nervous? I think my son thought I would be apoplectic.

I mean, I just really, I guess it's a lot of times, you know,

you never think anything is going to bad physically.

You don't expect to have a heart attack unless there's some history of it.

You know what I mean?

Right.

It's just you don't think it's always going to happen to the next guy. That's what I'm trying to say.
Yes. Not to you, you know.
But whatever happens, I think my son was actually stunned that I wasn't crazy. Of course, he made up for it because he called me so incredibly stupid because I went to the airport.
Yes, that was stupid. Did you hear about that? Yeah, that was very stupid to you.
Why don't you tell us the entire back and forth that you did because it was incredibly stupid. He is right by saying that.
You need to take care of yourself and stay inside. But tell us what happened.
He misrepresented naturally some of the things that happened. What happened was we had a flight to go back on uh it was on a tuesday and uh the boss said why don't we see if we can get an earlier flight to get out of here before things really get totally out of control so of course i try to call the airline uh it was delta uh and i was the phone i couldn't get the line i tried like five times and I said, look, this is ridiculous.
I know I'm not going to get through. So the airport is not that far from where we are.
I mean, it's a 10, 15 minute ride. So I said, I'm going to go to the airport.
And I want to say this is where he started to say things that weren't true. This airport is not Logan Airport or Chicago.
It's, relatively small airport, and it's not nearly as busy most of the time as these major airports. So I get there, no problem.
I park the car, no problem. And I go in there, and it's not really busy.
Great pronunciation there, by the way. Great pronunciation.
Yeah, I tried that. I was trying to do that.
I did that intentionally. Yeah, you know it gets results.
Yeah. Yeah.
So then I forget what they called it, but it was an area where you go if you wanted to make a change, I guess, on the ticket. I forget what they called it.
So I get in that line. There's only about four or five people in that line.
And we're keeping our distance so nobody's going to get sick. And they were mostly people my age, I would say, in the line.
But I get it. So finally, it didn't take that long to get to the line.
At this point, I'm only there for about 15 minutes. It really worked very quickly.
So I get to the head of the line,

the woman who was older than me working for the airline, that's for sure. She was no kid, but very nice.
And so I tell her I want to change. We wanted to get a direct flight.
It didn't make any sense if it was going to be a stopover, you know, and there was nothing available. I thought When I went to the airport, I think it was on a Friday.

It was nothing available. I thought it was, when I went to the airport, I think it was on a Friday.
It was a Tuesday. And I thought maybe we could get out on Saturday, okay? But wait, it was a Tuesday.
Instead of, what's that? Oh, the ticket was Tuesday. Got it.
No, the flight was scheduled for Tuesday. But you went on a Friday to get out of there on a Saturday.
Right, right. Got it.
But there was nothing available. So the next thing we ended up, the only thing that was available was the day before, the Monday.
And at that point, I just took it because it was ridiculous. But then we got back here, and the thing that really convinced me is my son seemed to be actually interested in my well-being.
Whoa. And it would surprise me.
And he sent us a text or an email if you know what you want saying you shouldn't go you should not go you make a mistake and my daughter did the same thing uh you know independently saying the same thing and a couple other people that are close to me did the same thing and the more we thought about it I mean, you know, I had some reasons I wanted to get back, but they were outweighed, but I thought I might be dead if I go back. So that's why I'm here now.
And it looks like I'm going to be here for a while. So you're in Florida, you're staying in place.
Are you comfortable down there? Do you have access to enough food? And what's your toilet paper situation like that's a problem i was gonna we put that that is one problem we have you have guys have any extra i don't have a square to spare i have a few yeah i have a few no big deal i might be in touch with you yeah okay but the problem is you still like went outside like you need to stop going outside What do you mean by outside with other people? I can go outside. Yeah, but you went out, you went to the airport, you stood online and you interacted with people.
But I'm telling you that even with the thing now, as long as you can be in a fairly large area, there's only four or five people, which is what it was. But if one of them has it, it's curtains.
It's curtains for the Mr. Portnoy show did you now did you see uh your son and I discussing that coronavirus potentially would show up to your doorstep hear you complaining about god knows what turn around and be like no thanks like if it's gonna take if I'm gonna have to live here for 14 days it's not worth it I don't want this And you basically beat coronavirus off By just who you are That's possible You know one thing I don't know about you folks But I never realized how much I touch my face Yeah me too I mean it's just And of course cousin Linda she's giving me every time I go out, I'm not talking, you know, even if I'm just going downstairs at the condo here, and I get back in the elevator, she's giving me paper towels to, you know, put over the buttons, which is what you're supposed to do.
She's right. But I forget every single time.
How's that working out between the two of you? Do you have rules in place

that you guys don't get sick of each other?

I'll answer that question by saying

we're getting along as well as we ever did.

Really?

You can take that any way you want.

You just needed a pandemic to find

true love.

You jumped to the conclusion

of what that meant.

Do you have any other... I'll tell you one other thing, too.
Yes. You talk about...
So I'm here, and I'm probably one of the youngest people here. You're doing it again, where you're like, hey, don't worry, I'm good.
I'm a spry 78. Yeah, so I get on the elevator.
It's not a big elevator big elevator it's a small elevator and they're getting on the elevator there's a guy that gets on the elevator could be my father and so i'm trying to avoid him and it's a this is you're talking about a small area this is a small area so he gets off i get off and i go for my walk i'm gone for 45 minutes. I go back on the elevator.
He comes back on again. If I survive that, I can survive anything.
Okay. All right, yeah.
Now, what about from a legal standpoint? You are our lawyer. You've gotten us out of some hot issues in the past.
How are the court cases that are already in the system going to be proceeding? Is there just going to be like a freeze on trials across America? Well, in the courts in Massachusetts, it's a close. I mean, that's obviously this is a, you know, what do you call it? This is a unicorn.
This is this whole situation. I mean, this is crazy.
I mean, you know what? The thing about it is when you, you know, when we had the, and you had in Chicago and wherever, and you had these big snow storms and you know, you're going to be cooped up for even in the worst storms, you might be cooped up five days a week or whatever, but you know, that's going to come to an end.

Right.

All right. The problem here is who knows when this is going to end.
You know what I mean? I mean, they're talking about it. I don't know.
PFT, you're like me. You have no confidence in anything you hear from the government.
I don't know if you're like that big cat. It's true.
You got to be pegged. Big time.
I mean, yeah, you got to be figured out. Especially with the people who are in charge now.
I mean, there's no truth coming our way that I can see. I like Fauci, though.
Fauci is telling us how to flatten the curve. Are you getting mad at people that you see out in public? Have you yelled at any kids or teens that you might see in your neighborhood for socializing? There are no teens around here.
Okay. Okay.
I haven't seen a teen in three months here. Hey, all right.
That's good. That's good.
So what about your complaints overall? With this pandemic going on, I would imagine your complaints maybe like perspective-wise, you're like, hey, it's not a big deal. Is that true or do you still have something you like to complain about? that's one that affects how you think a little bit you know all this stuff looks small but i i'm not somebody that i give up on these things you know i sent you a while ago and i sent you i had a i i'm gonna tell it to you now this is this is this one i was i was triggered as the kids say, with this thing.

I'm not going to name the bank, but it's Bank of America, okay? Here's what happened. I get an email from them, and now this all seems like small potatoes, but I'm going to tell you anyway, in light of what's happened since.
This took place, I want to say, about two months ago now. So I get a notice from Bank of America that my credit card has been compromised.
And they're giving me a new credit card with a new number. And of course, when I first saw it, I thought it was a fake.
You know, they were going to try to get some information from me and whatnot. It was not a fake.
A few days later, I get a credit card with a new number. Okay.
And what happens is I have about, I learned a lesson, which I knew, but I didn't act on it. I knew this.
I have about six or seven things that are charged to this account every month, the credit card account automatically. Right.
So I, and I'll give an example. One of the companies is like a sprint, the cell phone.
It's up to me to call these companies and tell them about the new number. Because if they try to use the old number, it's not going to go through.

I've had that experience before.

And I started thinking, I had to make about six companies.

And I'm saying to myself, how come I have to do this?

They're the ones that gave me the new number.

Why don't they do it?

Why don't they call these?

You're upset that you have to tell people that your credit card's changed?

He's kind of right, though. The credit card company should have to go tell everyone because they're the ones who gave them the new number right exactly and i'm talking about some of these companies you know what it's like to call sprint and try to tell him tell them this whole story you're you're going to kill a half hour or an hour right i i got all the time in the world but that's besides the point so i'm getting progressively more upset about this so i call bank of america and i explained to what i just explained to you and i said why do i have to do this so i get a very nice lady and she says to me you know i've listened to this you're 100 right but there's nothing we can do about it she says i understand your complaint you're right you're right you're right so then and by the way now i'm not sure whether some of these might have been automatically changed or not because she indicated me maybe someone worked so now i don't know which number is the right one so after i made sure that i'm telling you it might have been about seven or eight accounts that they had been properly changed by me checking with each one of these damn creditors.
The next day, I get an email from Bank of America saying, we changed them for you. What? So they did do what you said? Yeah, but when I spoke to this woman, she said, we're not going to do that.
Fuck. Well, it's good to know that you still got complaints.
Yeah. Yeah, it's have complaints right yeah well that might be my last one no we're gonna we're gonna know that there's an issue if you stop complaining about stuff that's gonna be the canary in the goal line we're like there's something very wrong this report nor then i want to say uh you didn't look too happy the other day with pen the the Penn stock.
No, it's not going so hot.

It's not going so hot.

I'm going to say it right now.

It's, yeah, no.

I would like the stock market to go up, not down. I think my Econ 101 class that I didn't take would tell you that.

I want to tell you something, and this is what my son is doing.

He knows absolutely nothing about this, but it never stopped him before. Go and be a day trader.
tell you that i want to tell you something and this is what my son is doing he knows he knows

absolutely nothing about this but it never stopped him before go and be a day trader he's day trading and he's he's losing so much money i sent i sent lodge i sent lodge i said don't leave me inside on any circumstances who have you been talking to lodge Lodge

Lodge

Lodge

Got it

Lodge circumstances who have you been talking to lodge lodge lodge lodge got it lodge like he's okay he's losing so much money i think mr portnoy with the combination of tom brady signing with the bucks and the way the stock market's going i wouldn't be shocked if we're passing out newspapers in like two weeks and we're back to square one. Could happen.
It could happen. Could happen.
We're doing Skype rundowns again where we're all fighting with each other, which are very funny, but this is a weird, weird time. I'll tell you something, too, about the day trading.
You can lose money a lot faster than betting on games. Agreed.
A lot faster. Agreed.
Big time. Big time.
All right. Well, Mr.
Portnoy, please, for real, stay safe. We love you, and we don't want anything bad to happen, so we do need you to follow all the rules and all that.
Can you give us any tips that you might have, like things that you're doing to pass the time? I'm taking more naps oh nice that's that's actually an underrated way

to get through this crisis it's like pressing fast forward on life what time what time is a guy like you wake up in the morning yeah i i you want the truth yeah that's why i asked my first wake is anywhere between four and four-thirds and are you up well i gotta go to the bathroom Right, but then do you stay up? Do you stay up?

I go to the bathroom.

I used to go to the bathroom. Right, but then do you stay up? Do you stay up? I go to the bathroom.
I used to check the stock market, but I don't do that anymore. At 4.30 in the morning? What time did you go to bed? What's that? Oh, you're checking how it closed the day before, because you went to sleep before 4.30.
Right. So I generally, I don't go right back.
If I can, let's say I get up at 4.30, I'll get back in bed, say, but I won't sleep. Yeah.
If I can, between 4.30 and, say, 8, if I can catch another hour somewhere along the line, I'm in good shape. That's pretty good.
Yeah, it's not bad. And then what time do you go to bed at night?

Four in the afternoon.

We're actually talking to you while you sleepwalk right now.

No, I, you know, this is one of the things that I've been, forever I read, this is a

terrible thing.

If I'm going to check out early in my lifetime, one of the reasons would be because I only sleep five hours a night.

You're like John Kennedy, yeah.

So, I mean, you know, that's not good.

Yeah, it's not good.

You got to get more sleep.

Better for the immune system.

Yeah.

Drink lots of orange juice.

Emergency.

So, where are you guys right now?

Where is it?

Apple cider vinegar. We're in New York City.
Yeah, this is our last time. So we're basically doing like five interviews in two hours tonight so that that way we don't have to be together for the next.
Oh, I see. That's why you weren't too happy when I need another 15 minutes.
Yeah, we're trying to knock these out. But we are social distancing right now.
It's only four of us at the office. We're all six feet away from each other.
So other so yeah and then we're going to be sheltering in place after this you're in the off you're in the office yes right now we came in we came in after everybody else left today so we're not around a bunch of people at the same time it's the four of us we're spread out and then after that back to our respective apartments and uh just basically not communicating with anybody in real life for the next two weeks three weeks weeks, four weeks, however long. Most of this is not going to go on the air.
So when are you, tomorrow, you're not going to be able to get back in there? No, we can get in there, but I don't think anyone wants to. I think everyone's going to really, really try to hunker down and not go anywhere and get your social footprint as small as possible.
I also think that there's going to be a request from the New York City government for everybody to shelter in place for a while. But you don't usually listen to things like that.
No, I listen. No, no, no, I'll listen to that.
I'll listen to that. I'll absolutely listen to that.
I'll still go to, like, you know, there's a store next to my house that I'll go to. You don't like to be you don't like to have people tell you what to do.
I know that I don't. But I also like I don't like to have people die.
I don't want people like you to die. My preference for not murdering people takes precedence over my distrust of government.
That's good to hear. You know, I hate to tell you fellas this, but I just saw something in the news that they're starting to say that this may not be a situation where it's just the elderly and the infirm are going to have a problem.
I just saw that about an hour ago. No, I think everyone.
No, it's serious for everyone. I mean, there's a lot of people that it's not a big deal, but you can't take that risk.
There are young people dying as well. What are you trying to, like, basically be like, ha-ha, you guys can die too? Wouldn't it be something if I outlived the both of you? That would be something, yes.
Yeah, it would. It would be incredible.
Would you give the eulogy at both of our funerals? I promise I'll be there. How does that sound? Okay.
That's fair. That's fair.
Yeah, my word.

Perfect.

Perfect.

All right.

Well, seriously, do stay safe, and we're thinking about you.

I'm going to try.

Hopefully, we see you soon after everything's passed and sports are back and life is back to normal.

I didn't like the way you said everything passed.

That hit me another way.

Not everything.

Not everything.

Most things.

Like me.

Yeah. No, no, no, no.

No.

We want you around for many, many, many, many, many more years.

All right.

Well, same to you guys.

I hope everyone does well and your family does, your families do well. And you want me to say, what was it? It's a weird thing to say, I hope your families do well, when it's pretty much you're saying, I hope your family doesn't die.
Look, you get, you know, when these things happen, sentimental yeah it's true it's true be safe we're gonna count on you you're gonna be one of our first guests back when we get back into the studio yeah nothing seems all that important does it oh no sports are very very important to me still very very important what is your speaking of that i want to hear what your thing about brady is what's your attitude about that? I was pretty shocked, to be honest. Even though it's a weird thing to have happen where everyone tells you something's going to happen, then it happens and you're like, what? No way.
But that's kind of how it went, right? I thought he was staying. Yeah.
We did too. As a podcast, we just thought that there's no chance that he leaves and also that it's going to look really weird seeing him in those weird Bucs uniforms.
I say this to everybody when we talk about this, not just Brady, but these famous people. They're on such a different level that for us, the average peasants, to try to take what we would do in these various situations and transport it onto Tom Brady or whatever, they're totally

different. We don't know,

we can't know how they

even assess things, how they look at things.

Obviously, in his case,

it's not the money. It couldn't be.

The only thing the money could be

is that's how he keeps score.

You know what I mean? But we don't know how he thinks.

Well, I mean, he's kind of like you. You get towards the end of your career, you move down to Florida.
Yeah, I've been compared to him a lot. All right.
Do you kiss Dave on the lips? I caught the problem I have. Yes.
That's a no comment. Got it.
No comment. All right, Mr.
Portnoy, please be safe. Send our best to Cousin Linda, will you? Okay.
All right. All right, guys.
I'll send you a picture. I'll send you a picture of my baby, an updated one.
I would love to have that. Okay.
All right. Just don't do anything with it.
Don't be a creep, okay? I'm going to show it to Cousin Linda. Okay, all right.
I'm going to show it to my wife. That's fair.
That's fair. All right.
We'll talk to you later. Stay safe.
Take care. Bye-bye.
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So go to simplisafe.com slash PMT today. You're going to watch Tiger King.
We're going to review it on Friday's show. We've been watching.
We have a new one. By the way, we are going to watch Tiger King.
We're going to watch Tiger King.

We're going to review it on Friday's show.

We've been watching.

We have been watching.

Maybe Friday just becomes we review something.

Maybe that's what we have to do.

We have to review something every single Friday that we can give out every Friday.

We'll give you something new.

Maybe it's a documentary, a show.

I don't know.

Let's just do that.

Let's start doing that.

I'm deciding that.

Let's just do it.

The characters in Tiger King, incredible.

Thank you. a documentary, a show.
I don't know. Let's just do that.
Let's start doing that. I'm deciding that.
Let's just do it. The characters in Tiger King, incredible.
Incredible. All right, so everyone watch that.
We will review it in full on Friday's show. On Netflix.
On Netflix. We also have a new segment.
It is Mount Flushmore's. It is Rushmore season, but bizarro world.

We're in the upside down world from stranger things.

So who wants to start?

So we're basically picking the worst four of something, right?

It's just the opposite.

Mount Flushmore, the most toilet versions of whatever the category is.

So Hank, you want to tell us who's starting?

Sure, I'll start.

Okay.

Okay.

So it's going to go Hank and then. Let's go youngest to oldest.
Okay. Okay.
Perfect. Raisin Bran.
Mmm. Bad.
Cereal's tough because I think a lot of cereals are pretty good. Raisin Bran, never enough raisins, and I feel like you end up throwing away half of it or more because it gets so soggy.
Yeah. True.
It is an soggy cereal and when you have a when you have a bite that's got a good amount of raisins it's okay it's decent but that whole two scoops thing is such bullshit like two scoops of what it could be like two scoops from a shot glass of raisins that go into each box raisin bran is that one cereal that you i feel like once a year you're like i want to give this a try and you realize like, eh, that sucks. Yeah.
All right, that's a good first choice. My first choice is going to be I'm going to go with cornflakes, plain cornflakes.
Hate them, hate them. Well, you have like PTSD.
I do, but I think most people would agree with me that cornflakes, I think they were invented to prevent people in the Army from getting erections. Someone has to fact check me on that one, but I'm pretty sure that's where it came from.
And yeah, my dad did buy 70 to a hundred boxes of cornflakes because he found a deal at the grocery store where they paid him four cents a box to buy them. So that's all that I ate throughout my entire high school life.
And so I hate them worse than Satan. Like if you surround me in a room full of cornflakes, that is my own hell uh but yeah i've got i've got some history there but i think you'll agree cornflakes are trash yeah they're just like they're the one they're like why wouldn't you just get frosted flakes yeah cornflakes that's a classic cereal where it's like cornflakes are part of this complete breakfast and it shows like somebody like on the back of the box and they're just like sitting in a juice cafe surrounded by vegetables and in the middle there's like one tiny bowl of cornflakes um all right i got two i'm gonna go with uh kashi whatever that fucking thing is that everyone has the do you see it next to all the cereal it is a cereal right kashi i think it is a cereal yeah k-a-s-h-i i think i've had it once or twice and i hated it so much that I just tried to blink it out of my memory.
It's, um, Oh yeah. This is, it's so gross.
So, so gross. All right.
So that one, that one it's, they almost like need to separate it because I almost get offended when I'm buying cereal and I see it there and I'm like, that's like the fuck out of here. This isn't real.
Yeah. When you see that box, you're box you're like this is the wrong aisle right right this this box should be in the aisle that i intentionally don't go down every time i'm in the grocery the weird aisle yes exactly like the yeah the weird off-brand like locally produced shit you know where you can just get a bunch of granola and kashi all right so kashi and then hank i actually have a worse version of raisin brand i think and that's grape nuts grape nuts are so gross and it's like it's like hey hey you think raisin brand's bad try some grape nuts really bad agreed yeah grape nuts are trash but what you'll find is there are some weird grape nut stands out there it's like there's a fandom of people that love grape nuts by the the way, I'm just realizing this.
Should we, when we put this out, should we be like best cereals just to get the internet mad? Hmm. Yes, we should.
Yeah. Mount Rushmore season's back.
Yes. Yes.
We should definitely not for at least this one. We should actually do that for every single amount.
People who listen know what we're talking about, but for Twitter

and Instagram, we should always phrase

it like the best and

then watch people get really upset about it.

That's a perfect mouth flush mark.

Go ahead, PFT.

My next one, I'm going to go with

just plain Rice Krispies.

Plain Rice Krispies

are bad. They're more than good oh no that's frosted flakes shit no dude rice krispies are literally soggy on contact it's a great pick yeah they used to have the fire commercial songs though when i'm eating rice krispies i just it feels like something that you'd feed a horse the problem with Rice Krispies, BFT, is that they're such a bad cereal, but then they make the greatest treat.
It's such a bizarre... They should just discontinue Rice Krispies as a cereal and just make Rice Krispies treats.
Yeah. And I want to be clear on this.
Rice Krispies treats and Rice Krispies treats cereal is awesome. Yes.
But Rice Krispies, I i mean it just goes to show you that you can literally add sugar butter and marshmallow flavoring to anything and it becomes just like a stoner's delight yes yes good pick hank i will go with honey smacks oh good one damn gross honey smacks like whoever made honey sm, they were like the nerd at the lunch table. Like, hey, can I sit here? You know, Fruit Loops and Corn Pops and Lucky Charms and all the like everything else is just sitting and having a good time and Honey Smacks shows up.
It's like, hey, guys, what's up? I'm a sugar cereal. Another, I mean, this might be a controversial one, but my next one is corn pops oh agree that is controversial i like corn pops but i don't like them it just tastes like nothing it's just you're eating air basically well it's sugar but yeah sugary air yeah yeah i agree with hank and i had i had the honey smacks on my list too because i hate that fucking frog with the backwards hat it's like poochie fromie from the Simpsons, and they taste like pecan-flavored asshole, but that's another story.
But my next pick is going to be – I'm going to go with Wheaties. Great boxes, and they're great marketers because they just – they made everyone who wins an Olympic gold medal want to be on the cover of their cereal box, even though their cereal tastes like shit.
It tastes like an old person's, like, butthole. So, yeah, not a fan of the Wheaties.
Okay, good pick. All right, I'll go with kind of going off Wheaties.
Wheat checks. Wheat checks are gross.
I don't mind regular checks. You know, what is it, rice and corn? I always get them confused.
I don't really know the difference. But you see wheat Chex and you're like, what the fuck is this? And they're so dry and ugh.
Chex Mix, though, pretty good. Chex Mix, pretty good.
Chex Mix, very good, actually. How about this one? And this one's going to be, I feel like controversial, but it's the – because I actually – I like this, but I like it in a certain way because I add sugar to it.
So shredded wheat on its own, the big ones, have you ever seen the big ones? That's trash. But I do like mini shredded wheats with adding Honey Nut Cheerios.
Well, they have – ooh, but they also have frosted mini whe right that frosted mini wheat i love i love or i don't love but i eat

shredded wheat there's many ones with an added sugar cereal but the big shredded

wheat the like original shredded wheat are

insane they're like they're they're huge fucking blocks of shredded wheat

it's like nine per box it's disgusting it's disgusting it's like a loaf of bread

that'll cut the roof of your mouth yeah do. Do you like, Hank, you like that little shredded wheat honey nut cheerio combo? Yeah, that's a good combo.
That's a bowel movement cereal. That's where you just like, hey, I know this thing is healthy, but I can't eat it unless I add the unhealthy thing and they combine them and then you got the health.

It also might be unkosher, but I've always been a big cereal mixer.

No, I like that. I like that.

Cheerios, Apple Jacks. I mean, that Cheerios, Lucky John.

Oh, that's weird. Okay.
Never mind. I don't like that.

Whatever you got, mix it up. Like the soda dispenser.
Would you just do every soda?

Like sometimes I would just throw my cereals in.

That's insane.

This is the man who brought you buffalo sauce combined with barbecue sauce, so it makes sense. Barbecuffalo.
All right, PFT, your last pick. Total.
Easy. Total.
Total's trash. It's total garbage.
It just makes you shit. That's all it does.
That's okay, but it tastes just terrible. There are no redeeming qualities about that cereal.
Agreed. This is way more controversial than my last one, but easily my least favorite cereal, Frosted Flakes.
Oh, that's crazy. The worst option.
I never liked him growing up, and I'd go to my friend's house for sleepovers or whatever, and I'd go on Frosted Flakes. No.
Disgusting. Never.
Oh, man. That's brutal.
I like Tony the Tiger tiger he's a cool guy good what is it like good commercials songs frosted if your parent and hank comes over to your house for like a sleepover your son invites hank lockwood over and in the morning you bring out the frosted flakes and hank's like ew gross do you have honey smacks and honey nut cheerios and lucky kicks that I can mix together instead? I would just like drink the milk and then be like, oh, I'm done. The only one other one I had on my list that I honestly, and this is probably a little bit of quarantine brain, I can't remember if I don't like it or not.
I can't remember if I don't like life or not. I was, I was ready to, I was ready to defend life until I died.
Life is delicious. Is it? It's not bad.
Life is good. I honestly can't remember the last time I had it.
And I was thinking about it. I was like going through my brain.
I was like, do I like life? That's where we're at with the quarantine. Yeah.
Life is good. Life is good.
But it's, it's the most boring packaging that you could ever imagine. Like, whoever dreamed that up, they haven't changed the front of that box since, like, 1965.
It's kind of weird now that we're talking about this that there hasn't been, like, any new awesome new cereal. They just take candy bars and turn them into cereals now.
Right. Like Sour Patch Kid cereal.
It's like just take the the fucking comics and make them into movies give us a new cereal yeah there hasn't been any like any breakthroughs in the cereal game cheerios has come out with like 40 sequels and most of them are pretty good but yeah there hasn't been like a new staple in the pantry in a long time maybe we should change that i'm also happy that no one no one said Honey Bunches of Oats because that's the greatest, like, hack of I'm eating healthy, but it's really just sugar cereal. Agreed.
I love Honey Bunches of Oats. It's my favorite.
Like, oh, yeah, I'm eating healthy here. You know what I left out? Trix.
Trix is trash. Trix is trash.
Trix is delicious. Trix is good.
Trix is big time trash. I mean, I agree with Hank.
I think that Tricks would be good to sprinkle in as one of your mixture elements, Hank. Like a full bowl of Tricks.
Tricks and fruity pebbles? Forget it. All right, so that's our first Mount Flushmore.
We'll do them every show. So if you have something that you think we should rank the worst four options of, we will do anything.
The world is our oyster because we've never done it. So we can basically go forever for this, and we are going to tweet out that they're our favorites.
Imagine when we do this when we're like worst power forwards of all time, and then we just tweet out like the best four power forwards of all time. People are going to get so mad.
I love it. This is going to actually give me life i'm back on twitter i like i like twitter again just by watching people get upset about this i told you all right uh last up we have two two segments uh left we have embrace debate uh it can you drink beer during i-racing because they had the i-racing 500 this uh sunday which actually did you guys tune in it was kind of cool I still don't understand NASCAR so that's one of the main problems but that sounds that's more of a personal thing yeah PFT did you like it I flipped past it it looked okay it didn't hold my attention it when I say I watched it I watched it for about three minutes but it was, I think I was more mesmerized with how good the graphics were.

Yeah.

And When I say I watched it, I watched it for about three minutes, but I think I was more mesmerized with how good the graphics were. Yeah.
And I was like, holy shit, this is fake. And so the embrace debate is can you drink a beer while iRacing? Because I guess possibly a couple of the iRacers were drinking beers.
We also should mention that Denny Hamlin, AWL, won because he can't stop winning at everything. But P pft do you think that you should be able to drink a beer while i racing yeah well clint lawyer studies i need a beer right now it is it is just i racing right yeah there should there should be an exclusive event where all the drivers are hammered and call it dwi racing and then just see what they're like going 150 miles an hour hammer to show like you have to blow above a 0.16 to even qualify i like who who wouldn't tune into that i would absolutely watch that we should do drunk mario kart yeah plain rainbow road three sheets to the wind man okay write that down we're gonna do that all right last up we have pr 101 for jamal Jamal Murray.
Jamal Murray accidentally, and I'm going to put this on Quarantine Brain, put on his Instagram story a video of his girlfriend sucking his dick. Full video.
Very graphic video. Also, shout out, thoughts and prayers to Jamal Murray's nuts if you watched the video.
I didn't see the video. Did it go all the way until completion or was it like – It was a solid 15 seconds.
You didn't make it – Hank, you didn't make it all the way through the video? No, I didn't. I was asleep, but I didn't catch up on it.
No, it was not all the way to completion, but it was very graphic video. And then he said he got hacked.
And then his girlfriend, who I feel very bad for because she obviously didn't want this to happen, in one of the funniest, unintentionally funniest tweets out there of, I clearly don't understand the internet, tweeted, if you have the video, please delete it. It's federal crime.
If you post it somewhere yeah okay that's like when we when we like do like the like please don't retweet this like she did it but seriously right it's like when we have a picture where her belly is coming over the top of her waistband like please remove from the internet she actually asked for the internet's help in doing something good does that work i didn't i haven seen it anywhere else. I'll send it to you guys.
Well, it's federal crime. It's federal crime.
Please don't. But, yeah, also the internet roasted Jamal Murray's pubes.
So they said it looked like, I don't know, someone with syphilis' hair or like Kevin Durant's hairline or something like that. So, I mean, that's a pretty good spin zone for that girl is at least nobody's talking about the video of you giving head the video is like just showing off how awful jamal murray's pubes are it also is the worst possible time to do something like that because there's nothing to talk about so like if this was march madness imagine that if that had happened at 2 a.m on march madness weekend it might have gotten might have gotten a little buzz, but for the most part, people just wouldn't have paid attention because you would have upsets going on and just like March Madness.
He put out his own sex tape by accident at the worst, worst possible time. Yeah.
What's remarkable is that he was able to upload this to Instagram and actually accomplish it at two o'clock in the morning. Cause when you try to upload something to Instagram stories, at least for me, 50% of the time it doesn't work.
And I forget, I close out of Instagram and then I get back on later and I'm like, Oh yeah, that video is still uploading. Cause I, I exited the application eight hours ago.
Like he had, he had to see it through. And so it was longer than just the 15 seconds.

How many dots were there in this video of him getting his dick sucked? I think it was just one video that he put up there. But it had been on, like, I think he honestly, it was like multiple stories.
And he just accidentally put up a video that was on his phone. I actually, you know what? I can relate to this a little bit.
not that I have sex videos, that I have so many pictures of the big black cock meme that when I text someone, I'm so nervous now that I'm going to text them the wrong thing because my phone is filled with it. So I guess maybe that's what was going on, that he just has a couple of videos in there, and he accidentally published on one.

Maybe he thought that he was posting a BBC meme,

and he saw the picture, like the screenshot of that video,

and he was like, oh, yeah, that's what he should have said.

So he said that he got hacked.

No, PFT.

No?

He's not anywhere near the size.

Well, he said he got hacked.

What he should have said was that this is just another meme just another meme that's not his dick like this is another bbc thing it's hilarious so uh yeah pr 101 for him i don't know what you do you just actually say you have coronavirus there you go like that really is the only way out if you say you have coronavirus people will just feel bad for you and then kind of forget that that happened. His explanation of he got hacked, like some, yeah, some hacker stole and, like, logged into my phone and posted a picture of me getting my dick sucked.
That bastard. I can't believe.
What is the world coming to? Not again. Fuck.
All right. That's our show.
We have Craig Berube coming up on Wednesday. Great interview with St.
Louis Blues head coach. Guaranteed that's coming.
We also have some good ones in the docket that we have saved up, but we're going to keep going strong. And we also might just have Billy football on every Monday to, to research something for us.
That might be. Yeah.
What do you give me that look for Hank? Someone is wearing my doorbell. Oh, should we stay live while you figure out who? Yeah.
Who could that be? I'm waiting to see if Maria is going to come out and take care of this, but I guess I'll check it out. Oh, dude.
What if Hank got murdered right now? live on the show? We'd start a true crime documentary. This would actually be great for ratings.
I'm kind of rooting for something bad to happen here. No offense to Hank.
He won't hear this until after he edits it, so I'll be asleep. I won't care.
Who could it be? Did Ria order delivery without telling Hank? And if so, did she get him any? Because we might get a fight going. PFT, check your phone.
I texted you a video. It's totally unrelated to anything we were just talking to about.
I got a package. Oh, you got a package? Open it live.
Unboxing. Nice, yeah.
Let us know what you got. You got a video game? Fuck, drops a package off at 10 o'clock.
Dude, there's probably... How do you not fucking use gloves when you open that, Hank? Oh, let's go.
What is it? What did you get? It's a Nintendo controller. This is what we're at these days.
All right. I have no idea why that's a program.
I feel like that could be a good streaming thing we could do.

Yes, we will do DWI Racing at some point this week.

We'll do Mario Kart.

We'll have to figure it out.

We might be together.

If you guys get a Nintendo Switch, we can do Mario Kart.

It's fun.

You can just buy that?

Yeah.

And get online.

All right, I'm going to buy it.

Do it right now.

Hell yeah.

Hell yeah.

Okay.

All right, peace.

Wait, say love you guys.

Love you guys.

Love you guys.

Don't edit this out, Hank, because I do love them. I'm going to call it Uber.

I'm going to call it Uber.

I'm going to call it Uber.

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I'm going to call it over.

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