Dog The Bounty Hunter, Zion's Debut, Eli Retiring, And Listener Roasts

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
Today's Pardon My Take, we have recurring guest, Dog the Bounty Hunter, back in studio. He actually loved us so much.
He was in New York, and he was like, I gotta go see my guys. So, we're bounty hunters now, PFT.
Oh yeah. We are bounty hunters.
And we're bounty hunting the second season of his show right now. All right.

So we're bounty hunters now, PFT. Oh, yeah.
We are bounty hunters. And we're bounty hunting the second season of his show right now.
Right. So we're going to get that going.
We have some Zion talk. We have some Eli Manning talk, PFT XFL update, some Fyre Fest, and our good friend Uncle Chaps on for roast.
We have a packed, packed Friday show to get you ready for Super Bowl week. And we are brought to you, as always, by the Cash App.
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Almost birthday week. Almost birthday week, and Zion is a bust.
Wait. Parentheses.
I went to sleep at halftime. I could tell that you did.
Of course I did. Because I know that you would have been in that content game for the second half.
Dude, he was fat. Yes.
Fuck. He walked on the court, and Jeff Van Gundy and Mark Jackson especially started treating him like he was Lizzo.
They were playing the Jillian Michaels to his Lizzo, and it was getting ugly. And it was like, he's not that fat.
Yeah, I know he's the third heaviest player in the NBA. But you know what? He's muscly.
I truly believe, you know, some people when they say, I've got big bones. I'm like, yeah, okay, go try to float in water.
We'll see how dense you are. Zion Williamson, he has big bones.
Yeah, he has big bones. I've said it before.
He is not fat, but he's always a bad weekend away from being fat. A bachelor party, going on a trip.
Maybe a trip to New Orleans. Yeah, a trip to New Orleans, a little too much, you know, drinking, a little late night pizza.
Then you come into work on Monday and everyone looks at you like you got stung by a bunch of bees and they're like, whoa. What's the deal? Oh, you had fun last weekend and you know what they're saying.
You're fat. So he's not fat, but he's a weekend away from being fat and i think this three months off was that weekend where he might have he was just looking larger i also think it's weird he has like a weird gate that makes him look bigger you know what i mean like he's he the way he rocks big yeah he right it is like.
But with that said, he was electric. He had that 17 points in three minutes, which is exactly what you're buying if you're a Pelicans fan.
He also had those four threes were hilarious. They were pure.
They were the quintessential. I get those same threes.
I miss them. But those are the let me see you make one three and pick up basketball, except they did it four times in a row.
There was no one even close to it. Lightning can't strike five times.
It's great. I love those threes.
They're like, go ahead, take that. I'll give you that.
I'll give you that. I mean, we have to ask, like, this is Coach K's fault for not using his three-point game in college, right? It was Duke's year until he didn't.
He hit two threes in college? Is that right? No, he hit more than that. No, he hit two? I think three.
I thought he shot more threes. No, he was not a chucker.
And now he's wet. He's hitting, what, 100% of his three-point shots right now? I don't know if it's exactly 100%, but he hit four in a row.
Huge indictment on Coach K as an X's and O's guy. That's another feather in the cap of old Roy Williams.
He would never screw up his prospects like that. Who's going to die because his team's so bad.
I mean, we could get into the stats if you want to. I did look up some stats about Roy Williams and how dominant he's been over Duke and Coach K since he's been at UNC.
Would you like to discuss? No, I don't. Because you know that I'm coming prepared.
No, I just don't. I don't care enough about that.
I don't even like Coach K. It's also not relevant to this conversation.
We're talking about the New Orleans Pelicans and not North Carolina, who's in dead last place in the ACC right now. Thanks for stepping in to defend Duke Hank.
I don't even like Coach K, so I don't care. I'm just trying to keep this ship on board.
Thanks, Hank. Zion definitely made more than two threes in college.
If my computer worked, I would tell you. I also went to sleep at halftime, but I'm pretty sure I woke up and saw a stat that was like Zion Williamson hit four threes last night.
That's one more than he hit all last year. Oh, okay.
Maybe it is. And also more than Ben Simmons.
More than Ben Simmons. That's another good take that people have.
Yeah, he looked so good. That could be wrong, though.
That four-minute span when he was in the game, it was like, this is exactly what I want out of Zion right now.

Right now, Zion is must-watch television.

He's not, like, a top three player in the NBA yet,

but he's so electric that when he's on TV,

I want to tune in and watch him.

And the Z's on the side of his head,

swaggy as fuck.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

He had 24 made threes in college. I mean, I don't know what...
Zion? Yeah. What are you guys talking about? He shot threes all the time.
He shot two threes a game. I don't know about all that.
He had 71 attempts. Hank and I both heard...
We heard different. What's going on here? Maybe it was three...
I remember watching Duke all the time being like, that's a weird shot. Maybe it was threes in the game.
He would shoot line drives at the, yeah, two threes a game. He'd shoot line drives at the rim, and they would go in every now and then.
That's why I said two threes in a game was his most at Duke. Yeah, exactly.
Yeah. He definitely shot threes.
I knew that it could probably have been wrong. Yeah, right.
You did admit that off the top. But either way, Zion is going to be electric.
It's fun. There's nothing like having a like zion come into the league and be like oh this is going to be awesome and i mean john morant is john morant is the right of the year and he's also incredible is john morant sweating though is he looking over his shoulder at zion john morant is so fucking awesome and you were saying that uh you oh no hank you were saying that john morant and zion were on the same aau team and there's a third guy yeah he was on he's on like the JJ Redick podcast and they asked him they're like oh you guys were on the same AAU team like who was the number one guy and they were like actually it was neither of us and the kid now is just the kid now is just like a player at South Carolina like he's just a regular you know a regular D1 athlete that sucks yeah the moral of last night is don't fall asleep, ever.
Yeah, never go to sleep. Never go to bed.
Because you might see Zion do something in the middle of January in a game against Spurs. Mark Jackson was hilarious, too.
The breaking news, he needs to lose weight. Well, they also said that he put on eight pounds of muscle in a week, which is just impossible to do.
No, in a day. In a day, 8 pounds of muscle in a week.
Until LeBron loses in a game. No, no, he gains.
Yeah, he gains muscle while he's playing. They were saying that he put that on, I guess, in a day, which you can't.
Barry Bonds did it. I'll give it up to him.
But, yeah, you can't put on that much weight. At 285 pounds, he's the third heaviest guy in the NBA.
Yeah. And the jokes were happening.
But if he's good, and I think he will be good, it doesn't really matter. What's funny is that Booger McFarland weighs less than Zion Williamson does.
And they look identical. Yeah.
So he lost. He was at 285 right now when he came to the league.
I don't think he was that heavy heavy but we're going to start to get some takes coming out pretty soon

where every time you mention Zion's

weight it's going to do the thing that we do

with Kevin Durant's height where it keeps getting bigger

so people will start saying

oh he's 290 pounds

oh he's 295 oh we're going to

creep up into Zion Williamson's 300 pounds territory

he also is

Zion is like the perfect guy for

if you're not in the Zion camp

if you're the Zion is actually a bust

I obviously was joking at the top of the show because I believe in Zion, but if you are in that camp, you basically can hold steady for his entire career. Similar to Lamar Jackson, you'd be like, but with that weight, he could get hurt.
Like, he can't maintain a full career. They're teaching him how to walk different though, Big Cat.
They've got him watching Monty Python nonstop to figure out interesting ways to not put body weight on his knees and ankles. He walks with like a natural limp.
They should just give him a cane. How cool would that be? That would be cool.
Give him like a cane with a dagger that comes out of the top of it. All right.
Other news. Eli Manning retired, is retiring.
His press conference is today. It's sad to see him go go I think we all kind of expected this yeah he is a hall of famer he is he is I actually think for Eli Manning we always say there's no hall of very good people forget that there's no hall of very good they should make a hall of very good just for him just for well not for him but off the top of my head, it's like Eli, Romo, Carson Palmer, Aaron Rodgers, Jay Cutler.
These are all people that are not great quarterbacks, but were very good for a long time. My question to you, PFT, and he is a Hall of Famer, but there's people who will nitpick and be like he was never, and I agree with this statement.
He was never one of the top three quarterbacks in the NFL for a single season, for a period of time.

He was never that.

He was always consistent.

His start streak was crazy.

Never got injured.

All that stuff.

Well, no, no, no.

He definitely got injured many, many times.

Yeah, that's true.

But that's actually a knock against Eli is how many games in a row he started

in a way because he should have sat out at least two half seasons along the way when his shoulder looked like it got run over by a lawnmower and he had all sorts of rotator cuff issues. He was like, no, I'm going to keep playing because these are my guys.
I'm tough. I'm going to gut it out.
And he actually went out there and didn't play well. But that's what you're going to get with Eli.
Now, my question to you is, is his legacy seen differently and is he a surefire Hall of Famer if he beats teams not named the Patriots in the Super Bowl? No. Because that is really when you boil down what Eli is, consistent, tough.
Throughout the years, he was good, not great. And then he had two moments where he beat the best coach and the best quarterback in the NFL history and also I don't know why you guys have to bring the Patriots into every conversation because that's part of Eli's legacy like he's a great quarterback why don't you talk about something else other than the Patriots like can you have a conversation about I love Hank taking the horns in this show and just redirecting us have some respect for him as a quarterback on his teams Hank no I'm not an enc This is a good thing.
This is actually a good thing for the Patriots, saying that Eli Manning is elevated from being a very good quarterback to a Hall of Fame quarterback because the teams that he beat were so great. They were all-time teams.
If he beat the Steelers and the Broncos in the Super Bowl, I just don't think it's not the same. Or if he beat the Ravens.
I actually think it would be the same. No, I don't.
I think beating the undefeated Patriots. Two championships is more than Peyton, more than Aaron Rodgers.
That's a lot. But it's not more than Peyton.
Peyton won two. Oh, yeah.
Well, the Broncos didn't really count. Asterix.
That's an asterix per Hank. But beating the best quarterback and the best coach in NFL history in the dynasty that's lasted two decades matters.
Two dynasties, but yeah. Two dynasties.
That's right. It was a double dynasty.
Also, he actually was the divider of the two dynasties. Correct.
He beat Aaron Hernandez. He defeated Aaron Hernandez and Danny Woodhead.
Right. The best football player of all time.
You would have cut your hair. Yeah.
I would have cut my hair. I would be short.
I would look like a little drill right now. All right.
So that's Eli. Sad to see him go just because he's always funny.
No Mannings in the NFL for at least the next, I don't know. Ten years? Nah.
Arch is, I think, a freshman. So he's 14, 15.
So he'll be in the NFL in like seven years. Yeah, probably.
Seven, eight years. What do you think Eli's going to do? Some people said maybe he'll go into the booth.
I don't see that. No, I actually think, in a weird way, Eli's going to be the world's greatest suburban dad.
Yeah. Can't you see it? Can't you see him being a great assistant coach for his kid's soccer team? He's going to chaperone a lot of field trips.
Yeah. He'll probably get lost, like, left behind in certain rooms of the museum that he finds very interesting as the whole class moves on.

He's not like Peyton.

He doesn't need the spotlight.

He doesn't need to do these weird ESPN Plus, you know, shows.

I think he actually will kind of fade into Bolivian in a good way.

He spends all the time with his train sets.

Yeah.

He gets really into dinosaurs.

Bobby Bacala.

Fossils.

That's how he went out.

I could see eli sitting

in his basement getting into model trains for sure absolutely i could also see eli here's a sneaky one he might be the one that gets into coaching oh he might become like a quarterback guy i i wonder he loves it so much i'd have to look into it but i feel like there's a certain amount of money you make where coaching is just never even a possibility anymore because you'd have to work really hard and you already have like eli you like made more money than peyton

which is crazy. Not in endorsements, though.
No, no. But in contracts, I think he was the highest paid quarterback of all time.
Well, they're one and two. Yeah.
So I think it was Eli number one. So I think once you get to a certain level of money, you're like, why would I sit in and, you know, avoid my family and work 16 hour days? That makes no sense i can see eli's spending a lot of time in the kitchen trying out weird new recipes he saw on food network that day getting into barefoot contestant and his wife comes home and she's like eli you've absolutely fucked up the house again there's smoke in every single room we i need you out and he's like okay i'll go be quarterback coach at duke i i know i feel like eli is going to be a great stay-at-home dad and like every day all the kids come over and he's and he spends the entire afternoon like throwing them in the pool it's just every single day for four hours eli's just throwing kids in a pool and it's beautiful um all right other news before we get to our interview with dog the bounty hunter pft yes would you like.
Would you like to tell the world? Yeah, so we released a video earlier today. The conclusion of my XFL tryout happened last night.
I got a call from Coach Pep Hamilton, head coach of the D.C. Defenders.
Delivered the news. Unfortunately, I did not make the team.
Now, I can spin zone this. Wait, I have a spin zone for you.
Okay, go ahead. Do you want it? Go ahead.
I have, do you remember the movie Ten Things I Hate About You? Yes. I have ten things I love about PFT.
Okay. So I wrote some stuff down.
All right, hit me. I have a spin zone for you.
I'm going to pick you up as a friend. I'm sure they're all going to be really, really nice things.
Well, they are. They're all really nice.
Yes. Ten things I love about PFT to help him get over the fact he didn't make the XFL.
I do have low T right now. Okay.
Number one, you walk a lot taller than 5'7". I've always told you that.
That's true. You walk a lot taller than 5'7".
You're a big walker. That's true.
I'm 5'9". And you tower over today's guest, Dog the Bounty Hunter.
That's true. That was really nice.
Number two, ever since you stopped dying your facial facial hair i don't think it's been that gross thank you okay number three you're exceptionally talented and you said that you've dunked uh once so many times that i actually kind of believe it it happened there you go your body gets in there you go you've said it so many times that i actually do gotta tell the big lie like i oh, yeah, PFT's dunked. That's how I'll know that it's real, when you tell somebody else when I'm not around.
But you see that guy over there? He's dunked. Number four, I'm not mad at you anymore for the dip spit you left in the studio.
All right. Number five, you said sorry to Hank, and that was a really big moment.
It was. Number six, you basically brought an entire football position out of extinction, the fullback.
That's basically just all you. Well, that's us.
No, but that's a large part you. As a team.
You spearheaded that, and that's exceptional. Number seven, the pick of you in your pads when you were trying out was sweet.
We'll get that framed. That's a frame-worthy photo.
Sweet-ass picture. Number eight, you make a million people laugh, and myself, and Hank and Bubba, you make us

laugh every single day, and your dog is a legit news hound.

Thank you.

That's really nice.

Three times a week.

Three times a week.

Three times a week.

You make me laugh every day.

You make me laugh every day.

Every day.

You make me laugh every day.

Also on the radio.

You make me laugh every day.

Number nine, I actually didn't write down a number nine.

Thank you for the compliment to Leroy, too. Yeah.
Number nine, I didn't write down a number nine. So that's my bad.
That's fine. Number nine is blank.
I don't know why I forgot that. Number 10, as much as I don't care and I am ready, I don't care about this, but I am ready to say to you, I do actually think it's the Caps year.'ll take that 10 that's very nice i love about pft so in summation if the xfl can't handle you at pissing your pants and making dick jokes every day they don't deserve you at number one podcast and cultural icon thank you man that means a lot to me i think nine was you haven't made a lot of hitler jokes recently and i've noticed and you've made more than me there you There you go.
So that's number nine. That's great.
That's awesome. I feel like Heath Ledger in that movie.
10 Things I Love About PFT. There it is.
Heath Ledger. So you're good, dude.
I mean, what a role model. I love it.
Thank you, Big Cat. That did make me feel a little bit better.
Still a little down in the dumps. Anytime you get bad news like that, you're going to feel bad a little bit.
Yeah, a little bit. You're going to be crushed if you have expectations and you tried hard and you worked hard at something but i learned something from that which is it kind of feels good to get crushed over something that you care about oh there's a little bit of it where it's like it's better to try something and then have something that you care about taken away than to have never cared about it to begin with because i could have done the thing when we got down onto the field at the tryout the very first thing I said when we got on the grass is it's not too late to fake an injury I should probably just quit right now and I won't have to do it but I did it and I went four for six hit both my long kicks I think I did okay at the tryout and you know what I put some film out there I have been in touch with the XFL it sounds like they're offering me a practice squad position.
Fuck them. Fuck them.
I don't know what's going on. Fuck them.
Don't settle for it. I don't know what's going to happen to that.
Either they put you on an active roster or you say, fuck them. They've also offered me to be honorary captain for the DC Defenders opening game.
So I might do that because it would come along with perhaps being Pep Hamilton's holdback guy on the on the sideline fuck him so we'll see fuck him we'll see you know what i'm gonna do i'm gonna stay ready though because i put so much good film out there that i have a feeling i'll be getting calls if not from other xfl teams might not even clear waivers as a matter of fact i'm gonna say fuck him i might get some nfl calls i'm just putting that out there what if i. What if I get invited to a training camp this summer for an NFL team?

It'd be great.

I'll go with you.

It'll be great.

Training camp tour.

We do have to go on a tour.

I'm going to get my leg back up to 50 yards.

I'm going to keep working out.

I'm going to keep practicing.

HGH.

Keep at it.

Not doing steroids.

No, you should.

Oh, wait.

The Bustin' with the Boys guys were here yesterday, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Did they leave anything behind?

Probably.

I'll check the bathroom.

Yeah. Yeah, so.
I think Taylor had a dip spit, so it's like, you just drink that. You'll be good.
I'm going to try to get my leg up to 50 yards. I feel good.
I beat out Chad Ochocinco. Ochocinco got his ass kicked by me.
Yeah, fuck him. He didn't try.
He was a coward. Well, because he saw me.
Right. And he's like, fuck, I can't beat that guy.
Either way, you're an MVP in our eyes, so you made our team. Thank you.
Appreciate that.

And we needed a kicker.

We should start.

Hall of Fame of my book.

Hall of Fame of my book.

We should start our own football league.

That's my verbal meme.

That's my kicker.

T.O. crying.

Meme from the video.

PFT was so nervous that he walked by Cardell and goes,

that's my quarterback.

Tony Romo voice.

That's my quarterback.

Cardell, not here to play school.

Nope.

All right. Before we get to talk.
Wait, do I have any college eligibility left? Sure. If I never played varsity.
You can have some of mine. Yeah, sure.
You can have some of mine, too. I can steal your identities.
Play for like 12 more years. All right.
If there's a D1 college out there that wants to offer me a spot, I'll do some online classes. Let's do it.
And I'll play. Absolutely.
Yeah, you can be a grad transfer. Yeah, exactly.
You know what? Really grad. Alabama could do a lot worse.
Dude, I'm a better kicker than Alabama. Absolutely.
Absolutely. Saban would have another chip if he had you as a kicker.
That's a fact. Because when you kicked the run back, it wouldn't have reached the end zone.
So it would have fallen to the ground. Right.
And it would have been fine. It would have been downed.
Right. Right.
At the 15. It would have been fine.
History would look totally different. Yep.
Man, come on in. Also, if he had me running as a lead blocker, as all the time I've spent observing fullbacks, I could have taken at least one 300-pound guy out.
Without a doubt. Without a doubt.
Okay, before we get to dog the bounty hunter, quick word. We got the Pro Bowl on Sunday, and we've got two weeks left of football, and BetMGM is still the home for sports betting for PMT.
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Gambling problem, call 1-800-GAMBLER. Who are we picking in the Pro Bowl? I got the AFC.
So NFC is one-point favorites. Yeah, one and a half-point favorites.
I don't like laying that point. The over-under is 51.
Take the over. I feel like it's been under every single Pro Bowl the last, like, 10 Pro Bowls.
This is the over. Okay.
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Can I just say they need to move the Pro Bowl back to Hawaii? I agree. It is not nearly as special.
I need to see them with Lays and all that stuff. Although, the one thing I do like about Orlando whenever they go down there, aside from the rain that happens every single year, is I just know that it's so close to Medieval Times, which is my favorite non-Dave and Buster's evening of entertainment and dinner.
Yes. I fucking love the Medieval Times in Kissimmee, Florida.
Yes. It is so great.
The Green Knight for life, he always punishes. Oh, the Green Knight's fucking G.
How far away from Miami is Orlando? Like three hours. We should go to Medieval okay while we're down there for the super bowl probably not but okay i might go to orlando i might take a day trip to go to medieval that's how much i love it so you're gonna go to orlando it is it's the equivalent of of modern opera okay yeah all right we'll put it on the list okay it sounds like a no well when we have a usually have a very busy uh schedule super bowl week but we could take a whole day out and go to orlando for fake nights which one of the guests that we might be interviewing do you think we could kidnap and take to orlando gardener minchu 100 let's see if gardner wants to go to orlando yeah he'll compete yeah fuck yeah um all right before we get to dog the bountyounty Hunter, Phillips Norelco has the most innovative electric grooming tools to help you do what feels right.
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Okay, here he is, Dog the Bounty Hunter. Okay, we now welcome back on recurring guest, Dog the Bounty Hunter.
What's up, my brothers? Welcome. What's up, my brother? Aloha.
How's it going? Yeah, good aloha. It's like five degrees here in New York.
Yeah, it is cold as hell. The gloves.
We have to start with the gloves. You walked in with the gloves.
They look like badass gloves. What's going on with the gloves? Well, they have cushions so that it helps.
On your knuckles? Yes. So you can beat the fuck out of some ice head.
The first thing he did to me when he came up to me, gave me a high five and then punched me in my stomach. Yeah.
I'm telling you what, the glove padding did not do that much to my serve. All right.
So, dog, you're back on. Yes, sir.
Brother, brother brother it feels good to have you back on it feels like you're maybe also in a little bit better spirits we're going to get your show uh the second season we got to get it back going thank you so it has not been officially approved yet right correct all right so we got who do we have to muscle w who is on wgN? WGN. I want to muscle some people.

Tag WGN and say, I want my dog.

We need our dog, the bounty hunter.

Thank you.

Now, just because the show's not on, you're still bounty hunting, right?

Oh, yes.

We have to eat.

Yeah.

So what do you got going on right now?

Any big ones?

The same guy.

The one guy we've kind of located in an area of California, maybe, and maybe not, back and forth to Mexico. So the same lawhead.
Okay. Okay, gotcha.
So he's going maybe back and forth like Tijuana, San Diego, that area? Correct. Okay.
I have noticed, I'm glad Big Cat brought up the gloves, because I've noticed that on your show a lot of people wear gloves. It's like an everyday, all-day thing.
Right. Where it's either like the fingerless gloves that are usually leather some strap what is the uh what is the purpose of always well it's protection you know number one it's like wearing shoes instead of barefooted so it's protection and we don't want to leave fingerprints no i just had a now follow me along here this might be crazy, but I feel like I just had a genius idea.
You were mentioning before we started that in Colorado, when you were in the airport, people came up to you and like, hey, dog, love you on part of my take. And all these people were listening.
What if we had you on like every month when you had a big bounty hunt and we just gave misinformation? I think that would be a good idea. What happened left here new york yeah went to colorado was standing in the luggage area getting luggage and the people that came up to me it's more than saturday night live or more than good morning america they're like dog we saw you that's our favorite show you saw me i said i thought it was we weren't recording yeah so so that's what we need to do.
Like this guy who's in California, you need to come on and be like, I got this guy. He's located somewhere in Florida.
We got him for sure. Really, you have him.
He's in like New Mexico. You got his pinpointed location.
Right. You give him, send him off the scent so he feels safe.
Comes out, maybe goes and gets like a sandwich for lunch. Boom.
Dog swoops in, bear mace to the face, ziplock. You're going to jail, brah.
Well, California can use tasers and now pepper ball guns. I bought one the other day, and the police officer said I'd rather be shot with a real bullet than one of these.
Than a pepper ball gun. So I said, look, I need is what is a pepper ball it is a what it sounds like it's a gun but it shoots out pepper balls that hit you as hard as a mike tyson punch so the bruise looks like you've been shot with a 38 with a vest on it leaves it like that does not kill it does not penetrate the skin but it absolutely puts you on your knees okay so that you know as you we know america's getting more violent more guns more this and that so uh the last few shows we did the the choice vehicle was an ambulance i mean they all left like that alive but but not really it had to be put back together a little bit i got you drift have you watched The Mandalorian yet? No.
Okay, see, that's another tie-in that we could have. It's about a bounty hunter.
It's about an intergalactic bounty hunter. I haven't watched it either, but I'm told that's what it's about.
It's got Baby Yoda. I don't know if there's an opportunity for a crossover there.
Yeah, Baby Yoda. Cue as hell.
Oh, yeah? What do you watch? Just have a Baby Yoda ride-along. What do you watch? I watch a show called Dogs Most Wanted.
Yep. Season two coming soon.
Yeah. A lot of different shows.
You'd be surprised at what I do watch. Are you a sports fan? Yes.
Football mostly. Yeah.
Nice. Baseball somewhat.
Basketball a little bit, but football a lot. Okay.
So I read the New York Times article on you. It was great.
Did you like that? I liked it. I have to go to one part of it, though, and ask you about it.
Dog squirted fake cheese onto a Triscuit and ate it, then lit another menthol Marlboro and I had a pickup truck creeping into the parking lot. It's not all love, he said.
I'm tested once a week. Guys looking to see how tough the dog is.
That's what the taser is for. All right.
So we got to break this we gotta break this down first fake cheese on triscuit is that the snack of choice for dog it is for when you're fishing for trout because you could use the cheese as bait you know those little cans that you shake and they squirt i didn't know it was fake until i read the story i thought it was real i mean i you can sit down with the easy cheese the sharp cheddar, and like a sleeve of rich crackers and just mow through the entire thing. Oh, yeah.
It's like the kids love it, too. Dad, can I have one? You know, and you double it up.
But the trout also liked the cheese on the worm because I used it for bait. He didn't say, give away my secret bait.
Yeah. It's probably good for you then that not all the other fishermen know what you're doing.

Correct.

The menthol Marlboro, I also saw in this article, you're down to two packs a day. One pack now.
One pack. And I'm using the little tips that fit on them, the little plastic tip that goes on the end.
Okay. So we're making progress there.
Yes. I can feel it.
You know, some days I get stressed, smoke a little bit extra, but I can feel the difference in breathing and more wind and sleeping and everything. It affects everything.
Good, good. And then the last thing, the taser that you walk around with, because people want to test how tough the dog is.
How often does that happen? Probably once a month. The guy that came up was kind of mouthy to us, and so I had to put an end to that real quick.
The guy that came up, we were fishing. And he's like, you're a lot taller on TV.
I don't know if you did it. I said, well, get out.
Let's see, bro. Let's try it.
You might like it. Did he want to tangle with you? No.
No. But, you know, fishermen, they get, the mountain guys, mountain people get a little crazy.
The wildlings. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The wild, wild west. Yeah.
What do you do to relax besides fishing? Seems like you've, your profession by nature is pretty stressful, right? Well, if you can't find the guy, it's the most, it's the greatest thing. Hemingway said that the greatest thing in the world is to hunt another human being and catch him.
So that's the greatest feeling you could ever have. The stress is when you can't find him and you're waiting for a lead or something like that.
So you told us last time you were on that everyone that you've ever hunted, you've caught. And now this guy right now has been elusive for a while, right? Yes.

Yes.

He's really good.

Do you think he's going to break the streak?

Never.

Never.

Never?

Because there's too many.

No.

There's too many leads that he's a convicted ice head methamphetamine, so we can call him a drug user, dealer, scum.

And with that drug, he's got to be on the run he's got to be on the go right now if he changed his habits you know like became a cleaned up yeah maybe changed his sexual content and you know quit doing everything went to church joined you know uh billy graham's association or something he might be be able to get away. So now he's smoking ice and he's fucking everything in sight.
Yes. Okay.
This guy should be pretty easy to catch. No, he's not easy.
This guy with a boner walking around? Well, he's packing. It's not that what he's got in his pocket.
He's got two guns, as they say. And he said this time he's telling his mother he's going to get a life sentence and who knows he don't know right but he said mom i'm not going back alive she called me yesterday and said he's going to shoot it out dog and then he told his girlfriend i had a bad dream where dogs surrounded my house so that let out all the hotel rooms and all that so what number one he's paying rent somewhere and somewhere.
And this is what the meth heads do is they talk. Right.
I think I might have told you in the Korean War my father was in, well, the Koreans, when they captured RGIs, they used methamphetamine as a true serum. Interesting.
Because they just, you know, and in the old outlaw motorcycle clubs back in the 70s and 80s, if you did meth in the club, you're out because it's a rat drug. Unreliable, yeah.

Rat, okay.

Have you considered going to various Walmarts and just hanging out late at night?

Because I remember when I lived in a town that had a Walmart, it was just nothing but meth heads between the hours of midnight and 5 a.m.

We don't mean that Walmart.

We're sorry.

Just walking up and down the aisles. There goes our tapes at Walmart, right? No, it's a, no, because I've seen.
So I've got to go in stealth, you know, get a lead, find him, and take him out. You mentioned truth serum.
Are those wind chimes? No, I've. Oh, is that your phone? Your wind chimes phone.
That's actually very relaxing. Yeah, that is relaxing.
Yeah, that's Apache. That's okay.
You can take it. You want to take it on air? No, that's good.
Okay. It's a text.
It might be a tip. It's a text.
Oh, it's a text. So truth serum.
I think we talked about this last time, but truth serum works? Well, yes. I forget the name of what it is, but it's sodium something.
But that plus meth plus nicotine. Like what we was talking about was like if a guy, a baby's missing, okay, and you get the perp in the room and you go, where's the baby at? I'm not talking.
You know, well, here, take a shot of this. Or if you're spending $150,000 of the county's money to try a multiple murderer, you know, We don't know where none of the bodies are.
Hit him with truth serum. For $69.50, you find out everything.
So I think that's real justice. And we don't do it enough.
We don't use truth serum. Because they're afraid.
Lawyers got to make money. The courts have to make money.
The prisons have to make money. Let's get down to the real nitty gritty.
Hit him with that and find out what's really really going on. So it sounds like I don't know a lot about truth serum.
Truth serum basically is when we're having a presidential race coming up. When they say prison reform, it's just truth serum, just more truth serum.
I thought you were going to say just inject both candidates with truth serum before the debate. No, the prison reform seems like if you have truth serum, it pretty much clean up everything.

Yes.

Well, New York.

I like that.

New York, for instance, when the ball dropped, bail kind of went bad here.

Remember we were talking about that?

And the first thing happened is the courts here, crazy, let a three, the guy hit a bank three times, only got $1,000.

A kind of bank robber only robs for $1,000.

Perfect crime.

Yes. Don't touch the safe.
Just what you got in the drawer. Yeah, exactly right.
Get out of bank robber only robs for $1,000. Perfect crime.
Yes.

Don't touch the safe.

Just what you got in the drawer.

Yeah, exactly right.

Get out of there before they hit the alarm.

Exactly.

Three times, got him in front of a judge.

The judge said, oh, poor guy here.

You're just a misunderstood soul.

You can go home free.

Got out the next day for nothing.

Hit two mores on the run right now.

Damn.

He got away?

Yeah.

Are you going to get him?

No, it's New York.

All right. You don't screw with New York? Well, I'd like to, but once they change those rules back, on the run right now damn he got away yeah are you gonna get him no it's new york all right

you don't screw with new york well i'd like to but once they change those rules back every police commissioner every detective of sergeant and above is saying this is the worst scam the mob is in new york again in the criminal justice system cosa nostra yeah our thing yeah i mean that's just you know, for nothing can you go to prison or jail. If you do something, oh, poor guy, you're let out free.
The dumbest thing there ever was. Martin Luther King's birthday was yesterday and he said, if America doesn't have a penalty or a restriction, watch out.
So, you know, it's really dumb. And it's got to be the mob in there.

You can rob a bank.

Martin Luther King, he was a big bail guy?

Well, he was against crime a lot.

He was, you know, the guy that killed him was a bail jumper, was a fugitive.

So, yeah.

Sliding doors if you had been alive.

Kind of like Mark Wahlberg 9-11 kind of thing.

And it's amazing you say that because that's what I'd have wanted to catch the had his ass you would have had james or ray he won't yeah he would not like that um i got a question about the fan club you have the dog pound what what comes in that a bunch of crazy motherfuckers i need to be part of the dog pound i think i need to be part of the dog please yeah I think I need to be part of the dog pound. Please, brother.
Please, yes. Shit, I need in on the dog pound.
It's interesting that you brought up people that rob banks because I feel like I grew up watching old movies, and they come out occasionally where there's like an Old West movie about a couple bank robbers on the run, and you always root for the bank robbers when they're going from town to town. Right.
Usually it's fun to root for those guys. Do you root for those guys and the movies are do you root for like the law man that's trying to chase him down well it's amazing because i've had guys of course my age not not too often in the car and i say what movies did you like when you were young and they say james cagney come and get me copper you know stuff like that where i like the lone ranger you know i always thought i was kind of like him who was that mass stranger yeah well some people call him the dog so you know that was my hero but guys i arrest is completely different so television has a lot to do with our upbringing and who we become yeah it is crazy how tv just straight up made robbing banks cool yeah like when i hear bank robber my first, my first reaction was not, man, I hope they catch that guy.
I was just like, that is badass. Yeah.
Dude's robbing banks. Did you watch the documentary Don't Fuck With Cats? No.
Have you seen it yet? No. You should watch it.
Okay. It's basically internet manhunting.
Oh, is it? Yeah. They track a guy down with basically using clues off of pictures and random stuff.
So you would like that. Well, we do that.
We did it before it was lawful. Right.
I mean, you had to get a warrant before we just did it anyway. They would post something on Facebook, and you'd be able to surmise through all the clues.
Well, the guy sent a picture last month. He was at the zoo.
And so his girlfriend said, I know you're with another girl right now. He's like, no, baby, here it is.
I told her we were with her.

They keep sending you a picture.

And he's like, here's a selfie.

And then in the back it said, it's a zoo.

And an hour later we had him.

No way.

Oh, yeah.

I love it.

Even bad guys like the zoo.

Well, they just like that internet, man.

They got to brag.

They got to go on there.

We should do some sort of collaboration with you guys and body moving. And who the other guy from don't fuck with cats the real manhunter guy uh yeah john green so there are these two people that that hunted down this uh it was a cat killer and also the guy ended up becoming a murderer they hunted him down online like like big cat said looking at the clues and the photographs other like various clues that they left behind tiny little breadcrumrumbs that they were able to track down.
If we got some sort of collaboration, because this is a pretty big movie, pretty big documentary that just came out between you, Body Movin', and John Green, I think the kids would absolutely love that. It would be a hit.
We'll produce it. I'll watch it, though.
I took a mental note. Can we do a ride-along? I think we talked about this last Well, once we get into New York, yes, absolutely.
In the second season, we'll do a ride-along. We work, once in a while, I work for Empire Bail Bonds here, a female Michelle.
Okay. So she gets, once in a while, a really good jump.
So when she does, she, of course, is one of your fans. We'll, you know, we'll- We're in.
I'm in 100%. Yeah.
You got to wear a vest and sign of things. Oh, yes.
Do I get the zip ties? If you, whatever you like. Do I get a hot pepper gun? Whatever you want, brother.
Pepper ball gun? But you gotta sign a thing. If something happens, you can't sue me.
Will you let me... Oh, no, I wouldn't sue you for anything.
I will not let you drive. No, no, I wasn't gonna ask to drive.
I was gonna ask at the end when we get... Yeah, I do love to drive, but at the end when we get the guy or girl, will you let me give the speech? Yes.
Okay. Yeah.
And how did I know you like to drive? I do. I like to drive.
Oh, I know you do. Yeah, dude.
I'll drive us everywhere. How about this? Me and Big Cat will be in the backseat.
You'll load the perp up, have them sit in the middle. I'll hand them a cigarette, and then Big Cat gives them the big speech to clean up your life.
be like listen it's not worth it smash the smash the ice pipe go with christ bro this is easy i listen i've seen the speech a billion times i know how to give the speech okay i know how to do it i wanted to congratulate you because you defeated death yesterday yeah there was some fake news oh yeah he's done it like four times the bbc put out yeah it was a fake bbc account but They said RIP Dwayne again? Oh, yeah. He's done it like four times.
The BBC put out.

What the hell?

Yeah, it was a fake BBC account, but they said RIP Dwayne Dog Chapman, 1953 to 2009,

which doesn't make sense because it's 2020.

Yeah.

But then you just replied on Instagram, not so fast, haters.

That's happened.

It happened with TMZ.

TMZ's been doing it, too.

Yeah.

TMZ did it like a month ago.

TMZ, though, said if you're really alive, get this take a picture of the denver post i'm in denver now and uh what else did i have something you had like a piece of paper i said i am alive and held it right yeah and they did it again yesterday and then this guy wrote me this morning it's probably law lawhead and he said don't you get it it's a premonition die you motherfucker oh lawhead's trying to in your head but you know what you're already so deep inside his head he's having dreams about you so you're already haunting him so you're everyone's just predicting your death and we need to just say fuck that but it's a suicide I don't do that I'm too scared to do that right you're as alive as you've ever been you're smoking just one pack a day now you're getting closer and closer to cutting all that stuff out right you're you're kicking and screaming man you're ready to go thank you thank you yes i'm gonna catch some people and and fuck some people up i like your sunglasses do you wear the same pair every day no different style for different colors i noticed your shirt in the new york times uh article was looking pretty stylish. Oh, that green thing, yeah.

Yeah, that was stylish.

That was a stylish shirt.

The green shirt.

Yeah.

You didn't like it?

Quit wearing just black.

Yeah.

Well, you know, not really.

I just like black, but gray or black, but then-

Green pop.

My new assistant, or the assistant, I've got to wear different colors now.

When was the last time you put on a golf shirt

and tucked it into a nice sensible pair of khakis?

Ooh, caca.

That would be funny.

This never happened.

Golf, I can't play that.

Yeah.

What about you get dressed up ever in a tuxedo or a suit?

Tuxedo.

Bolo tie?

Not really.

I mean, I respect go to church,

or maybe I'm thinking of, oh, that's funeral but i don't not necessarily right yeah you can't you can't dog can't live in a cage no you gotta be out there roaming free yeah yeah there's a dog he's got a tie in that's a lot of could you imagine we should actually do that so so wgn make the second season and we will promise one episode where dog has to work work at an accounting firm in lower Manhattan for an entire week. That would be funny to watch.
Do I work overtime? You have to get a briefcase, get on the train, just be a schlub. Somebody try to rob me if I look like that.
Oh, my God. I'd love to see him try.
Yeah, he'll taste his ass. We'll put an Excel spreadsheet.
Have you ever used a spreadsheet before? Yes. Okay, so you might actually be able to be an accountant.
As far as I know, that's the only qualification. You can do it.
As long as I have my phone, my calculator. Yeah.
Let's rock. You got that.
All you need is just like, if your boss gives you any shit, you'd be like, you want to tangle with a dog? Yeah. How about Siri? Siri? Siri? Siri? You got the gloves on? You're typing with the gloves on? Siri? Siri, help.
Yeah. You got this.
All right. Well, I got one last question for you, dog.
Is it over already well we can hang out forever bro it's good i'm throwing the sea question though promo code take uh sea geek promo code take ten dollars off so the if there is a next there is going to be a next season there's going to be a next season wgn do the right thing um are we have you ever done like international besides Mexico, international bounding hunting? Yes. Where? Well, what happens like if I go to Canada.
Okay. I think we need to take this place like, we need to go to fucking Costa Rica.
We need to go to like. They bring me in though.
Okay. And they go sign right here.
You'll not catch Quaid. He's on the run in Canada.
Who else you got? Sign right here, dog. So I have to sign a thing that says I will not try to arrest it.
I tried to get into London, and they said, what if he comes here and does like he did in Mexico? And my person then answered said, well, let's hope so. And they, I can't get in there.
So most other countries, because of who I am, will not allow me in there because all the, you know, some of our baby rapers run to London. Yeah, let's get Roman Polanski.
Let's go find his ass. I thought he was back in America.
He is. He came back.
He came back. Yeah.
So then let's get his ass. He's in L.A., right? New York or L.A.
Or something. Let's get his ass.
Not New York. I don I don't think so oh we need to find Jeffrey Epstein

because he's still alive that motherfucker's still alive

dogged about season 2

on the trail of Jeffrey

you don't think he hung himself? no

oh bruh he's dead I don't think so

I don't think so so the first time he was

attacked in his prison cell

the cameras mysteriously go out

they put him in suicide watch after

he was there with a murderer in his cell

that tried to kill him he goes to suicide watch

he comes back into his own cell. The cops mysteriously fall asleep.
There's no video footage. He broke all three bones in his neck.
Usually maybe one. Maybe one is broken if it's suicide.
If you jump off a bed even or a bunk. All three were broken.
The guy was a billionaire.

He was in cahoots with the Trumps, with the Clintons.

Basically every single billionaire in New York City had some sort of tie-in with him.

He was a CIA asset for 20 years.

There's no way this guy's dead.

This guy is overseas somewhere.

Well, in prison, morality, all of a sudden you get morality.

And when you go in prison for that kind of charge, you are dead. Whitey Bulger, remember the story? Mm-hmm.
Number one, or was number one most wanted FBI list last year. 30-some years he's on the run.
Okay, I once in a while, I think I ran into his wife once on the boardwalk. So he was transferred to the most secure prison in America.
I mean, there's no way nobody could get him. He was alive two hours.
They got in his cell, plucked his eyeballs out, cut his tongue off. Whitey Bulger, tough mafioso.
That's how he died? Yes You Google it It is unbelievable In this prison There's no way You could have that happen Hmm Right You know Whatever It's just the convicts Hate those kind of guys You do that to a woman Or a child You are dead I think that there Is a possibility That he was murdered I don't think he killed himself himself. No, he was murdered.
He was either murdered or it was a different body and he escaped. But that's the one conspiracy theory that I actually believe, just because of the sheer amount of contacts he had with other billionaires.
He had the most powerful people. He had compromising material on all of them.
All rapists do not commit suicide. A person does shot someone else you know that's why these guys bah bah bah and then bah eat the gun themselves rapists are sissies they like that feeling with a girl please please please don't i've arrested a lot and they will not most of the time kill themselves no he didn't kill himself somebody hung his ass yeah Is there is there one justice one arrest that you look back on over your years and you're like that is my favorite arrest i'm really glad we got that guy oh wow he did get beaten to death my bad yeah that's crazy yeah bro i won't lie to you on no i i yeah i just see how long yeah yeah it was literally he was transferred uh Before dark.
Yeah, that day. That day.

Yeah.

Crazy.

Before dark.

Crazy.

So, you know, right when he went in, we're talking about Whitey Bulger again.

Right when he went in, all the guards, hey, Whitey, what's up, brother?

You know, all the inmates talking to him.

And then one guard turned his head, cut his eyeballs out, cut his tongue out.

You see the mutilation they did to his body.

Yeah, that's nuts.

So is there that one guy? Well, the one guy was Andrew Luster, 87 counts of rape from L.A. Yeah, the Max Factor great grandson.
Because some of the victims said to me, a girl, dog, every time the wind blows and the leaves are rustling, I think he's outside my window, and she was, like, freaking out all the time. Please catch him.
Please catch him and crying and made me feel really bad. And when I caught him, you know, the first one I called was her.
I said, here, Lester, say hi. Gotcha.
I mean, yeah, that's a pretty good guy to get off the screen. Yes, absolutely.
It would actually get some buzz going around season two. Just if you look into the camera and say, Jeffrey Epstein, if you are still alive, I'm going to find you.
Get your ass. Jeffrey Epstein, if you are still alive, beware of the dog.
He's coming for you. How long do you think it would take for you to catch us? Oh, stop.
You're my friends. I know, but like seriously, you know, so that plays a part.
Well, you're a driver, so I would. If you came up to me, I'd be like, dog, I thought we were friends.

And I'd play at your heartstrings.

I would have people calling you over and over, and I'd put a car outside your pad or where you're at running,

and you'd see that car because you're a driver.

Yeah, we'd probably just tweet something like super quick.

I would forget to turn my location off.

Yeah, we'd get caught pretty quickly.

It would say at Midtown Dave and Busters.

Damn, we should try that, though. Maybe that's an episode.
Now they ping you. You know what a ping is, right? Yeah, yeah, the whole where they can track you wherever you are.
You done. Fuck.
Yeah, so we're kind of addicted to social media in a bad way. Well, they hit your phone.
Yeah, we wouldn't be able to turn our phones off. Right.
It goes ping, and then they got exactly where you're at. Right.
If I'm going to be on the run, I might as well get clout out of it. So I'm going to be tweeting.
I'm going to be gramming. Oh, absolutely.
You've got to be like, hey, check us out. New Bonnie and Clyde.
Here we are. Selfie.
Oh, yeah. So I would shave.
I would put on a nice dress. And you wouldn't think we're looking for a guy.
You just basically have to go to a Buffalo Wild Wings on a Sunday. That's what I said.
If you change your sexual orientation, that's how to get away yeah we put on the skies and just never yeah okay if you were on the run where would you go oh i've never really thought about that uh let's just say you're framed somebody framed dog big time for a crime you did not commit somewhere where you don't know who you can go to somewhere where you can't be extradited from where you can still walk around and say hi america hi america yeah was that like ecuador i don't know i'm not gonna say i do know but i'm not gonna because my guys are all gonna start thank you dog and head there yeah don't go or it gets a good place to go if you want to be you know what about just hiding under the bed uh we always check the bed all right that's always All right. That's always my thought.
Like, are you that or like sitting in the closet with all the coats? Well, listen, the other day I caught a guy. It's amazing you said that.
You know how two mattresses are, right? Yeah. So she, the girl, cut out.
He laid down. They drew around him like you do a turkey with your hand.
And they cut it out. So when we went in, he laid in that.
And she was sitting on the mattress on the bed, right? No way. And I just started to leave, and I thought, you know what? Get up, honey.
Why? Oh, he's there. Well, just get up.
I want to look at him. Why? David Leland.
Oh, shit. And so when she got up, we raised the mattress, and he was like, I can't fucking believe this.
That is a genius.

No, isn't that great?

Yeah.

Well, Charlie Manson hid in a milk box, you know, little.

Yeah, I mean, it's amazing where they can hide.

Do you check the refrigerator?

Yes, and the washer and dryer.

Found them in there.

Really?

I go, turn that on, will you?

Oh, places that you, you know, or behind the door with the, standing like that when you open the door, or the closet. Inside the couch.
Underneath the couch, yeah. This is misinformation.
I'll check. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Dog never checks his inside the couch, guys. Never checks her for it.
Never. Frigerator, washer and dryer, on the roof, in the attic, like standing, or guys like different glasses, shirt real quick.
Hi, is this? That's you. No, it ain't.
You're like, wow, it is you. No, it's not.
And you got to sign this, right? Or let me see you. I mean, some guys are just really good liars.
And then finally, they're like, all right, it's me, dog. Do I get the cigarette, dog? And the speech.

Yes, need the speech.

I would say that you're looking for my twin brother.

Has that ever happened?

I have, on my application, it says, are you a twin?

Oh.

Because I have had that.

And not arrested the wrong guy, but that's what they try to do.

Wow.

So they can get you for false arrest.

Interesting.

And I had one time a Latino, two brothers,

and they both had identical tattoos around them

until I brought in the old lady.

I said, now listen, this is $10,000,

and $1,000 goes to you.

Which one is the real Jose Gonzalez?

And she said, oh, it's you, you fucker.

And she kissed him.

Boom, it was him. Love it.
Love it. Yeah, that's good though that's that's what i would say yeah you have a twin uh no i i used her he's dead he's dead oh i'm sorry that's okay really the truth yeah yeah oh i'm sorry about that not really it's kind of not really but it's a long story yeah uh when was the last time you cut your mullet? 63.
Wow. Geez.
I get it trimmed once in a while. Yeah, but when was the last time you didn't have the long hair? I haven't ever.
You trim hair Hawaiian style on a full moon. That's true? Mm-hmm.
Every full moon you do a little? Not every, but when you cut it, you cut it on a full moon. Half the way for a full moon? I'm going to start doing that.
Something about the gamma ray because then it makes it grow longer and longer and longer. I'm going to start doing that.
Now, do you do it just like on the day of a full moon? Yes. When it has the full moon that day, you can do a trim.
Okay. Yeah, I'm going to start doing that too.
Yeah, it really works. The Hawaiians grow their hair to their waist.
I believe it. Absolutely.
All right. Well, dog, thank you as always.
Love you both. Come by anytime you want.
Anytime you're in New York. Thank you.
And keep telling everyone that you're alive, because I'm sure there'll be some media outlets that want to get in on the Dog is Dead business. Fuck them.
Well, when it does happen... We won't update everyone.
That's not going to be a long, long time from now. Thank you very much.
You're on the fast track of being healthy. You got season two coming up.
You're going to be just fine. Yes.
Thank you, guys. You got this.
But we should maybe take a picture of you in front of a green screen. So even.
So they know for sure. Well, no.
In 40 years, when you do pass, we can fuck with everyone and be like, actually, he's still alive. He came back.
Yeah. We can put a newspaper behind you.
Let me tell you a joke. So this guy, this Jewish couple went to Jerusalem, right, together.
And the wife died. And he's like, oh, my God.
So they said, now, listen, we want to, I want to send her back to America. But it was $5,000 to send the body.
So the Jewish government felt bad. And they said, listen, we'll bury her here in Jerusalem.
We'll give you a good deal. He's like, no, I want to take her back to America.
So then war broke out, as it always does in Jerusalem, right? And it's a day later. So he went back in.
They said, listen, it's $25,000 now to send the body. We're going to do you a favor because you're here and you're Jewish.

We're going to let you bury it right here. And he goes, I'll pay the 25 grand.
And the one guy said, why would you do that? He said, listen, the last time you buried somebody here, they rose from the dead in three days. I'll bury the bitch in Oklahoma.
There you go. Aloha, you guys.
Thank you so much, dog. Appreciate it.

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Okay, let's get's get some segments finish up the show we have chaps coming up in a minute for some roast listener roast first up let's do some fire fest henry would you like to start daniel would you like to start uh my fire fest was falling asleep during zion last night yeah my secondary fire fest is stew Finer was just in the office, which is nice because we didn't have to deal with him. He wasn't here for us, so it's nice to just see him as the wrecking ball he is.
What do you mean? Well, sometimes it's like when he's going out of the control and you're like, Stu, we got a tape in five minutes. Can we get it together? Stu? It's nice to just see him as a wrecking ball and be like, hey, Stu.
And he just threw a bunch of weed at me. So that was my other fire.
Yeah, there's some marijuana on my side of the desk over here. Again, that's not me.
We'll get to this later. Because somebody that wrote in a roast correctly said that I take the cover for Hank being the real drug guy.
Oh, whoa. And this is what they're talking about.
There's marijuana. I take one-day trips to Hong Kong.
I'm not touching it.

Good point.

Counterpoint.

MDMA is not a drug.

It occurs naturally in your body.

Oh, okay.

Actually, that's completely false.

Yeah, I was going to say.

But it sounded good coming out of your mouth.

PFT, what's your fire fest?

My fire fest.

Actually, Hank's fire fest reminded me of something.

So you fell asleep during the game.

Big Cat fell asleep during the Zion game.

That actually dovetails very nicely with our new favorite recurring listener of the show, soon-to-be recurring guest, Saquon Barkley. Yeah.
Who said that his favorite podcast was part of my take, but we're pretty confident that he meant to say pardon the interruption. 100% meant to say that.
Because of his description. There's no way he listens to pardon the interruption on a podcast.
He said he likes it because of the sports debate and the disagreements. And how there are two sides that argue out their points.
Maybe he just listened to the podcast when we fought about the dip spin. Yeah, that's probably what he was talking about.
It's got to be it. But this falls right in line.
If we have two hosts that fall asleep during the game, you guys are Tony Kornheiser. Yes.
So how can I name? Were you watching the game? Yeah, I was watching it live. So my good friends, Tommy Alter and JJ Reddick, interviewed Zion before the game.
And so they had their new podcast come out, and they told me, be on the lookout, man. This Zion kid's really good.
He's really good. So, you know, shout out to them.
Boys, my face is going to be red next time I hang out with JJ Reddick. It's going to be like, yeah, you called it, buddy.
So that's my Mike Wilbon impression.

I have no problem that I went to sleep early.

It's all about resting before Super Bowl week.

I said to myself, you know what?

Time to lay it.

He's fat.

Mark Jackson said he was fat.

I know everything Mark Jackson says is correct.

Breaking news.

He needs to lose weight.

Once Mark Jackson said that.

You're like, all right, fine, Mark.

You say no more.

I'm going to sleep.

My fire fest, my actual fire fest of the week, shout out Saquon, is the coronavirus. Yeah.
So the coronavirus is active. Zillion beers? It is live.
It's over in China right now. They've shut down cities.
They've quarantined entire cities that have like a million, 11 million people in them. Can you imagine that? Like, that's basically shutting down New York City.
Yes. Quarantining the entire city because this thing is deadly.
And I guess there was one case of it in Seattle. And I've seen the movie Outbreak recently.
So I just think we're all fucked. It's good that we're not going to like a centrally localized city that everyone's going to be, you know, coming in from all different places.
No one gets sick in Miami. Dude.
Well, they get the coronavirus, but a different one. Yeah.
You throw in Lyme disease, it's the most refreshing pandemic of all time. A little twist.
All right. My fire fest is I started watching the show The Circle on Netflix and it's the worst show that's ever been created and I started watching it and I can't stop.
Why can't you stop? It's the worst show I have ever watched. Hank has watched it.
BFD, I cannot wait for you to start watching it. I'm not going to.
This is the worst show. It's the worst show.
For people who don't know what this show is. I'm balls deep in the Marvelous Maisel right now.
I cannot stop watching it, so I don't have time. They created a show where it's a competition.
You shouldn't be talking about it. Where eight people live in an apartment building but never meet and only converse over a social network called The Circle.
It is horrendous do they look at you're watching tiktok you're watching the i don't watch tiktok i tried i want the mentos video what's going on so i don't know man trying to stay hip so we'll get to that are they in different apartments in the same complex pt it's so that's pretty normal like i don't know i can't recall ever moving into an apartment complex after college where i like became friends with other people in that complex but they talk to each other and they say like they send text messages to each other but they talk it all out loud so they're like it's like siri it's like yeah so it's like a conversation that me and you would have that would take two minutes yeah they texted back and forth like so it's like 15 minutes of show time. Text Jimmy, what's popping, bro? And then they go back and forth like that for like 10 minutes.
He's like, what should I say back? Should I be like, what's popping my G? Or should I say, what's popping man? What's the point of the show? Each time, each episode, they vote. Yeah, there's a couple catfish.
So you can be real or you can be fake. You can be someone.
Like, there's a guy who's pretending to be a girl. There's also a woman who's pretending to be a more attractive woman.
That's a great move. That's really sad.
Yeah, that part is a little bummer. But they basically, after each show, like two of them become the influencers, verified influencers, and they vote someone off.
That's so bad. And then a new person comes in.
I don't know the point. They become verified influencers.
I don't know the point. It sounds awful.
I'm never going to watch it. No.
And it's confusing as hell because they taped it in London but then they show... Do they have accents? But no, it's...
It's a hard pass. It's Americans because then they show Skyline shots of Chicago but it's like weird because it's not Chicago and it's...
The whole thing is so fucked. I'm not going to watch it.
That's all I got to say. That's my fire fest.
I can't wait to watch the rest of the episodes. How many are you in to in.
Okay. I mean, Hank, you're going to watch the rest.
I will not start. No, I actually get upset when I watch.
You want so bad. People to be miserable.
It's so bad. My it's one of those shows that you watch and you say to yourself, I'm getting significantly

dumber as I watch this show.

And then you keep on watching.

Okay.

Okay.

That was my firefest.

Okay.

We have a pinstripe update on Tuesday night.

Derek Jeter was voted into the Hall of Fame.

Surely he was 100%.

Well, he kind of voted into the Hall of Fame.

Unanimous?

I would assume so. Oh.
Hank, do you know Surely he was 100%. Well, he kind of voted into the Hall of Fame.
Unanimous? I would assume so.

Oh.

Hank, do you know

if he was unanimous?

He was not.

Wow.

396 out of 397 votes.

That is fucking hilarious.

I'm happy that baseball writers

have got their groove back.

Because Mariano,

they slipped with Mariano.

Right, you can't let him in. Especially as a closer, you shouldn't be let in as a unanimous vote.
Someone has to be the turd in the punch bowl. Someone needs to claim responsibility for it.
This is like an attack. You're trying to send a message.
Message delivered. Now you have to claim it.
Yeah, I'm also firmly in the camp of the fact that Barry Bonds isn't in the Hall of Fame makes the Hall of Fame completely erroneous to me. Or Roger Clemens.
Barry Bonds is the best baseball player of all time. He should be in the Hall of Fame.
Even if you take out the years that Barry Bonds was definitely doing steroids allegedly. If you just take 1990 to 1999, Barry Bonds was still the best player that decade by a large margin.
Or just take out all his hits and just have it be on-base percentage. I think it still was unbelievable.
If you went up to bat without a bat in his hand, he still would have led the league in on base percentage. Right, so he should be in the Hall of Fame, and until that happens, I don't care about the Hall of Fame.
I do think that Derek Jeter should have sent probably everyone that did vote for him a nice little gift basket afterwards and then leave that one guy. The KY Jelly.
The KY Jelly and autographed baseballs. Yeah, Advil.
Whatever else was in that package. It's surprising that we never got a detailed what was in that package.
And itemized his rider. Yeah, I guess he just played in the right era.
Because if it was today, I feel like we would have gotten one of the packages. Oh, a million percent.
Yeah. That would be put on Instagram within probably six hours of him sending the first one.
Although he probably had them sign a Dan Bilzerian-like NDA. You can't even say that.
You can't even say that. I can't even say that.
Okay, the NDA. About a shitty NDA.
Yeah, the NDA. Right.
That's all we'll say. But yeah, Derek Jeter got voted in.
I'm sure everyone will cry. I can't wait to see him at his Hall of Fame ceremony and be reminded of the fact that every day that passes, he looks more and more like a penis.
But he is a Hall of Famer. A a hall of fame one of the best shortstops of all time second best shortstop on that yankees team yeah behind a rod right uh now you have to ask the question are his actions as an executive taking away from his playing career it's got to be asked would you think that maybe it's a writer from florida that didn't vote for him because they're so spiteful of how he's treated Marlon's man.

Do you think Marlon's man maybe wrote like paid off one of the writers to make sure he

wasn't unanimous?

Yeah, I think it's possible.

I think I think Marlon's man could show up at your house with all his cats and just say

it'd be real shame if someone just let all these cats.

I can't wait for next week with Marlon's man.

He's going. How many days do you think Marlonman will show up to radio? Every.
Front row? That's what I'm – you know what? Just flashing back to the XFL stuff, I'm upset that I'm not going to be able to kick in a game with Marlinsman sitting between the uprights for me to aim at. That would have been so amazing.
Yes. Didn't I offer you money if you hit him in the face? Yeah, probably.
Yeah, I think so. Alright, so last up before we get to the roast, we have a little stock tip from Mike Francesa.
So Mike Francesa tweeted today, what was the exact tweet? It was something like... The exact tweet was, it was something like, when TikTok goes public, buy it, buy it again, and get back in line three times to buy it some more.
So mike francesa has given out some investment advice i i think it's probably wise to follow what the sports probe tells you to do uh i actually think he probably just read about tiktok in the paper that morning no no no no this kid definitely is one of two things one million percent wait you go first i was gonna say he either read about it in the paper that morning or somebody told him, yo, Mike, you're blowing up on TikTok and had a bunch of videos of him with all these views. And he's like, that's a great app.
There was a New York Times article about TikTok earlier this week. I think those are connected.
I was going to say he has young kids. It's definitely like his kid got in trouble in school or they had to take his phone away.
And he's not playing sports or something. And it's like, what's going on? He's like, all he does is he's on TikTok.
It's just TikTok, TikTok, TikTok. So you're going with his kid got expelled.
Yes, his kid is obsessed with TikTok to the point where Francesca can't get him to do anything else. So he's like, get on this TikTok.
Get on this TikTok. I'm pretty sure Francesantly, I might have just made this up, I think he named all his kids after JFK.
Like one's John, one's Jack, one's Fitzgerald. You were named after JFK.
Yeah, I was named after JFK. You too, Hank.
Yeah. JFK? What? Right? Just kidding.
You were named after JFK, right? No. He died in 1963, and you were born in 1993.
So you were named after him. Ha.
Got it. I get it.
That was such a shit. That's a dad joke I should make because I'm a dad.
That was so bad. God damn it.
That was so bad. All right.
Let's go to chaps. We have a huge show, by the way, every day for Super Bowl week.
But on Monday, we have a big guest, former NFL quarterback. Very fun interview.
But here's Chaps to finish off this show. Before we get to Chaps, Barstool Store.
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Shop now. And now, our good friend, Uncle Chaps.
Big time Chapsy. That was such a dad joke.
Such a dad joke. Okay, we're going to finish up the show, the week, with our very, very, very, very good friend.
And very, good reader very good reader very handsome boy he kept his beard this time it is uncle chaps perfect eyes today from uncle chaps he hosts a show on sirius xm he hosts zbt the world's best military podcast we have a huge guest jocko wilnick is going to be on the podcast he was seal team three commander he was involved with chris kyle's command he was chris kyle's commander of the seal teams too he's out and he's that's our episode today that's zbt's episode today yeah and he also hosts pod fathers which i was on yeah you were for next week so go subscribe next week i sat down with chaps. We talked about what fatherhood has meant to me for seven months,

that I've been in the game, as they say, in the biz.

In the dad biz.

In the dad biz.

So go and listen to that next week, Podfathers.

But he is everywhere, and he's going to do roasts for us.

Listener roasts.

Can you do big time Tommy first?

I have an addiction.

Okay. Big time Tommy.
You've probably seen him. He's the meatball Italian guy on Instagram who constantly posts about keeping it old school, taking it at ease.
Pretty sure he lives in Hoboken. I don't know if he has a house.
He's got a car, a very nice car. Many cars.
That he just drives from place to place. It's him and his buddy DJ Vinny Dice.
And Chaps does an impression, and I have asked him to do the impression no less than 30 times today. My favorite way to do the impression is because he has these motivational quotes that he does all the time.
So I like to go to Pinterest and just find the first random one that shows up. So this is what it is.
Okay, Instagram, this is big time, Tommy. You can't go back and change the beginning but you can start where you are the change in the ending that's the old school way OS for life take it easy that's a big time quote you would say right when you're getting out of jail Yeah Listen the past The past is the past Take a Reese Take a ace Keep it old school Make sure you see your probation officer That's the old school way Fucking A I'm going to make you do that to end the show I hope you know that Can you read the first roast as big time Tommy? Sure, I can do it, yeah.
All right, here we go. Listen to a roast.
Here we do. And these are five-star reviews.
That's how you get to roast us. Yeah, you can still leave a five-star review for the next time we do roast, so do that.
Okay. Hey, what's up, award-winning listeners? It's Big Time Tommy.
I'm here to read your roast today. Chubby Tony Montana with a gambling addiction and somehow more feminine Jared Leto agreed to a chinless hoodie-wearing walking advertisement for Taco Bell about who put a Mountain Dew dip kit spin in bottle wear.
I'm Rayon. Okay.
That was good. Yeah, you want me to do another Big Time Tommy? Yeah, do it.
It's going to fuck my voice so much. Or if you want to save it for the end, do the last one.
Okay, save it for the end. Do the last one.
All right, here's another one. We'd like to hear you misread things in your own voice.
Okay. The only thing more upsetting than PFT's pro football career is Mitch Trubisky.
Hashtag sad cat. That's rough.
That's rough. Yeah.
Football young. Both football young.
Very football young. I don't have a lot of wear and tear on those joints.
Uh-uh. Here's the next one.
What do you get when you have a do with ED, Andy Reid's overweight stepson, and one of the stunt extras from Point Break? Well, you get this show. Sometimes they stay on track with topics, but then they either get high or drunk in the middle, then it's anyone's guess what the hell they're talking about.
That's fair. That's not necessarily we get drunk or high before.
Yeah. It only is every now and then.
We can't do it all the time. We're not Joe Rogan.
True. We should do DMT before an episode.
Drug guy. Yeah.
What is DMT? What's DMT? I don't know. Tell him.
I don't know what DMT is. Tell him.
DMT is called the God Particle because your body releases a little bit of DMT when you pass away. And it gives you that little oomph to get you into the afterlife and you feel like everything's okay.
It's quick acting so you can smoke it and it's out of your system. Well, it's in your system, but it doesn't affect you for longer than maybe like 10 or 12 minutes.
Don't you shit yourself too when you pass away? You could. That's also DMT.
I've never done that drug. Yeah.
I think that is like when you have a heart attack you just shit everywhere. It's the 21 grams from that movie.
Really? You had a heart attack? Yeah. No.
Yeah, I did. I did while I worked at Barstool.
A real one? Yeah. You remember that? I remember but it wasn't.
I texted. It was legit.
I thought you just texted too many push-ups. What would I do? A push-up? That's true.
20 and 20, baby. Did he check in on you? No.
I think so. No, you didn't.
Yeah, I did. I checked in on you.
You did? Yeah. Yeah.
That's my friend. Jay Cutler's Husky super fan.
I love Husky. Yeah, Husky's a good, like the Husky clothing line when you're a child.
That hurts. Yep.
A store brand, head and shoulders model, and an illiterate tax evader. Talk about football coaches, sexual experience they read about online, and their obsession with the genius Darren Revell.
They are about as likely to say something intelligent as the necroplatic lady, lackey, is catching a flight. And after recommending to my dad, he told me that he wasn't even mad i'm just he's just disappointing in me oh that's not true there's no way i honestly think that that our podcast has repaired so many relationships between fathers and sons absolutely got so many dads and kids close absolutely yeah tell your dad what's up motherfucker yeah have him listen tell your dad to subscribe so you have talk about.
If you have a son that listens to this show right now, text him, yo, what's up, you little bitch? You listened to PMT today yet? And then tweet and then show us his response. Tweet us his response.
This one from Keegan. It's about me.
And it is a thousand percent true. Thousand percent true.
Chaps looks like he's trying out to be on the cast of the Sam Lott reunion movie.

That is the TMZ.

Who?

Yeah.

Guess who?

Remember him?

Guess who it is?

I love when they do that on TMZ. You throw darts like a girl.

It would be like a four-year-old child actor and be like, remember him?

Look at him now.

That's like, well, yeah, of course.

He's 40.

It's always Ham from the big green.

Yeah, right.

You know, I think I look like I grew up froggy from The Little Rascals. Oh, okay.
Little Rascals, underrated. You look like Gritty's mugshot.
Yeah. Ooh, speaking of.
Or Gritty in court. You look like the courtroom animation of Gritty.
Gritty. Gritty when he takes his mask off.
It's like, oh, there's actually just a Gritty underneath the Gritty. People love Gritty, though, chaps.
It's a compliment. Yeah.
No, like when they do the human renderings of, like, Star Wars characters, like Yoda as a human. Yeah.
It's like, Gritty, imagine as a human. Everyone's like, no, no, no, please.
Like, we don't want this. Especially when I have banana-induced pink eye.
My eyes are all bulgy and stuff. It was gross.
Remember that? Oh, fuck. Fat Freddy Mercury and an elf princess with glaucoma ask a vet with worse tattoos than Paul Bissonnette to read reviews because their product doesn't know how to.
Or producer doesn't know how to. Oh.
Does Paul have bad tattoos? I don't know. I've never seen his tattoos.
I always can't. I can't look away from his nose.
Yeah, he seems like too big of a pussy to get tattoos, honestly. What are your tattoos? Tell us what a couple of your tattoos mean.
Okay. Fish.
The fish means that I was young and lived in Japan. Okay.
The yellow submarine. My daughter's name is McCartney.
Okay. Show me the Ronald McDonald.
Okay. The Ronald McDonald was because I was in canine school, like I was in a school for military working dogs, and me and my buddy Doc, we had a Chicken McNugget eating contest, and the loser had to get a tattoo.
I lost, so I had to get Ronald McDonald on my wrist. Okay, and what's this one? That one's John Bassalone.
He's a Marine who was killed in the Battle of Iwo Jima. Okay.
Middle of Honor recipient. Respect.
Is your grandfather? This one's Chesty Puller. No.
That guy looks like a badass. Just two famous Marines.
Probably the most famous Marine ever. I got a question about the Iwo Jima thing.
I don't want to be disrespectful because I know it was a very important battle. Did it really take nine people to raise that flag up? They did it several times, yeah.
It went over and over again. I think the actual photo has five, but that one was just created just for the picture's sake.
Gotcha. And then more and more people were like, I want to get in this picture.
Yeah, they were like, no, get down, do it again. Let's do it again.
It's kind of like a TikTok that we did earlier today in the office where it started out with three people, and then I was like, hey, can I be in it too? Yeah. That was very similar to the Battle of Iwo Jima.
Perfect. Next one.
Oh, I forgot we were doing this. Oh, we were just having so much fun.
I lost where I was at. Being us at being us i also like your jackson deville tattoo yeah that was a good one um here we go after you say that was a good one like you don't wear it every day you hung it up in the closet yeah that was a good one i did yeah sure he's wearing the uh the speedo let me see let me see oh that is fucking good yeah see that was a good one.
I don't regret that one. What are you going to do when they move the team to London? A big red X through it.
Okay. Nice.
Nice. Just put the big Birmingham castle or whatever.
What are the castle guards? Hat. Yeah, the big hat.
Or you could do the Joe Paw and put a halo over his head. No.
Yeah, that was problematic. If the Jags move to London seriously, because they're in talks right now, people in Jacksonville are buzzed that they're going to have two home games in London this year instead of just one.
People are like, if they do that, I'm giving up my season tickets. On a scale of one to ten, how much do you miss Blake? Zero.
You fucker. You miss him a little bit.
I don't. Honestly, chaps,

you would rather have Blake than Nick Foles on your team. Oh, like

is Blake going to be the backup? No.

Let's say Blake's year was

exactly like Nick Foles' year. He started

sure. Yeah.
He's much more interesting

than Nick Foles. At least like Blake

if we were bad, he's like a cool guy.

I like him as a person.

If he were bad. I don't think you like him as a person.
We're as a person. I do like him as a person.
I lost my place again. I don't remember where we're at.
I think we have like two more. Okay.
All right, here we go. PFT definitely smells like stale farts and cigarettes.
Big Cat, he's the type of guy to pull up his pants and leave without wiping when he runs out of toilet paper. That's really mean.
Definitely a drug guy of the group. PFT is just a cover up and Jeffrey Epps, I didn't, didn't kill himself.
Bubba, the type of guy to have two fists of a beer and then be blackout drunk with chaps. Thank you for your service.
Bubba? Bubba, what's your tolerance like? Thoughts? I can drink a lot. Would you say a zillion beers? We lost Bubba in New Orleans and Hank and I got back at like 3.30 in the morning and we got a key to his room because he had all the equipment in there and as we're standing in the front desk, someone with so much fucking food was trying to call his room and we're like, he was just totally passed out he ordered all this food passed out so i think that plays i like that move yeah what did they do with it we brought it up for him when i then he threw it out the next morning because he was too drunk to even wake a weird move happened we went down to the army navy game i went and i had a couple drinks at the hotel bar and went back to my room.
It was probably 10 o'clock.

I had like two or three beers and went back up to the room.

Somehow, the staff at the hotel was so sneaky, like the chef there was a stoolie, I guess.

I woke up in the hotel the next day.

They had different types of gourmet popcorn on the desk and like all this different beef jerky and shit like that.

Someone came in while you were sleeping?

Yes, and it was like a huge spread, and I was like, that's really nice. I was like, but that's also really weird.
Yeah. Some blackout fairy came in.
Yeah. Because I was like, I was basically naked underneath the sheets and I had no idea.
You could have been cranking off. Yeah.
What if I was fucking jerking my dick in there? Mm-hmm. That happens every now and then where someone will like, like someone who works in a hotel will leave like a night like a nice bottle of champagne but not yeah but now i think there's like dan cats is out there who've gotten yes like yeah just just by you know bank air in their favor yeah they're like they're like the michael bolton guy from yeah yeah right they walk up and they're like oh you're oh you're not the other michael never mind it's like some 75 year old dude they're like we're huge fans of the podcast he's like what going back to the first part of that roast when it said that Big Cat.
The other Michael Moore. Okay, never mind.
It's like some 75-year-old dude. Yeah, yeah.
They're like, we're huge fans of the podcast.

He's like, what?

Going back to the first part of that roast when it said that Big Cat was a guy that would

stand up without wiping and leave.

That actually, it's occurred to me.

I've thought, what would I do if I found myself in the situation?

You're in a bathroom stall in public.

Yeah.

Let's say you are wearing no underwear.

Well, you're me undies. No, for whatever reason, you're not wearing any underwear.
Okay? So just your jeans. There's no toilet paper.
There's no cardboard roll that even comes along with it. You take a poop.
What do you do in that situation? You bidet yourself. You just scoop it up.
You scoop it out of the water. That's a terrible visual.
You think you have to bidet yourself. No, you can't bidet yourself with you can't bidet yourself with pooped water.
No, you flush. No, you flush, and then you splash.
A flush isn't broken. Yes, you can do that.
You flush and splash. You put the poop back up in your butt and you carry on with your day.
I would say maybe you take a sock off. Yeah.
And just sock it up. Oh, yeah.
But what if you're wearing a flip-flop? Oh. That's an issue.
You're naked. Flip-flop is no underwear.
I get a job. You're at a pool party, and you have to go back in the pool.
How many wipes until you just give up and get into the shower? What do you mean? Like, if you have, like, just real thick. Oh, God.
Go on. Go to the next one.
What? Like, you spilled out. Now all the data.
Oh, you guys open the door. Not me.
Yeah, close it. Yeah, like you dump caramel sauce on a door.
Yeah.

Close the door.

Close the door.

Yeah.

Yeah, I think you just light the bathroom on fire.

All right, is this the last one?

Last one.

PFT is built like a twin-size mattress.

What?

I'm going to choose to take that as a compliment.

It's not.

Yeah, those mattresses are at least like six feet.

Yeah, I can't.

Like, I don't go head to toe on a twin-size mattress. Yeah.
That's a big upgrade. I don't either.
Yeah. You're good.
Thank you. You want to leave us with one last big time, Tommy? Yeah.
There's a couple you missed, too. You could go back.
Yeah. Go back, chaps.
Do one last one. We like having you so much.
Do one last one. Big time, Tommy.
It's hard. The way that I got it, I can't find where it is whenever I go out.
Doing another review. Hank looks like he works in a dispensary that lets 16-year-olds in with their older brother's ID.
PFT looks like he plays an unusual African instrument in the New York subways. Big Cat looks like a lesbian that holds hands with anyone that walks next to him that's pretty good that's a really good that's pretty good all right finish this off with the inspirational big time tommy and we'll see everyone on monday okay here we go hey what's up award-winning listeners another motivational quote to take you into your weekend.
If it's not going to matter in five years, don't spend more than five minutes being upset about it.

That's the old school way.

OS for life.

Take it easy.

Love you guys.

That's the old school way.

Not worrying about stuff I'm talking away I don't know what You say I'm saved anyway Today's our day To find you Show me the way I'll be coming for your lover. Take on me.

Take on me.

Take on me.

Take on me.