Von Miller, Super Bowl Storylines And Lebron Blames

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
On today's Pardon My Take, we have Super Bowl MVP, many-time Pro Bowler, Von Miller, in-studio, recurring guest. We've had him on a few times.
He's always great to be on. We also have a new deal with him where we're going to get paid, and maybe the listeners get paid if we can get Von Miller to run the ball next year in Vic Fangio's offense, which isn't really an offense.
Whatever. But if it involves running the football, then it is.
Then it is. We have Super Bowl storylines.
We have Hot Seat Cool Throne. We have Bachelor Talk, Guys on Chicks, a packed show for you.
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You would know. Clean the pipes.
Yeah. All right.
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And we're going to do some Super Bowl storylines. Storyline City.
Storylines before you even know that they're storylines. It's actually gotten pretty predictable the last couple years where they're going.
We usually get 33% of what we're going to toss out here is going to be put in your face by big national football media writers. So let's do it this way.
Let's knock out the low-hanging fruit. Let's knock out the ones that we know everyone's going to talk about, and then we'll get to maybe the more detailed ones that no one will be talking about except us.
So first one that we've got to get out of the way, it's the redemption, the revenge, whatever you want to call it for Kyle Shanahan, Andy Reid. Yes.
Big-time fuck-ups in big-time moments in Super Bowl history. Can they get over the hump? Can they get that big win? And I'm actually more excited for whoever loses this because now they're a choke artist.
That narrative is going to continue. It's going to be the Lamar-ification of what's going on.
If Kyle Shanahan, for whatever reason, decides to have Jimmy G throw the ball 30 times, that's all we're going to be talking about for now. I think I think luckily the way this offense is built, he's made it impossible for him to forget to run the football.
Correct. So he's taking that out of his own hands.
And also Andy Reid the other way. Andy Reid could throw it like 95% of the time and do the same thing to himself.
Yeah, that could happen again for sure. Timeouts.
I mean, the whole thing is going to be great. Also with Andy Reid, I don't think anyone's going to blame him if he has Patrick Mahomes throw the ball like 50 times.
No, true. True.
So they've kind of both gotten in the way of our narrative, which I don't appreciate, but good for them for both doing that. I think a no-brainer, this is probably going to happen real early in the week, Peter King's going to talk about the Cuban coffee.
Peter King's going to be writing about the Cortados, all the different sorts of Miami Arabica beans or whatever they're called. So that's going to be front and center.
The first thing he notices is that, and then probably Cigar City microbrews are everywhere. Ooh, nice.
Wait, under redemption, we also have to throw in Dee Ford. That's going to be a big conversation.
You know, fucked up them going to the Super Bowl last year. People forget Tom Brady would have had an interception on that play if Dee Ford's not off sides.
Dee Ford is now in this game going against his former team. Right.
That's a redemption. Now, likewise with Andy Reid, if he wins this Super Bowl.
Legacy. We're talking legacy here.
Two questions come along with that. One, Hall of Famer.
Is he a Hall of Famer if he loses? Yes. I think he is too.
But no doubter if he wins. Only three coaches in the Hall of Fame without a Super Bowl.
If Bill Cowher's in the fucking Hall of Fame, Andy Reid should be in the Hall of Fame. That's a good point.
Andy Reid's way better of a coach than Bill Cowher. I'm sorry, but that's a fact.
Bill Cowher, one ring. I understand.
Bill Cowher has lowered the bar for the Hall of Fame. Bill Cowher is basically like a few games over 500 lifetime, right? I don't know.
Jeff Fisher should be in the Hall of Fame. I agree.
Two wins away. From top ten of all time.
Yes. They should make Andy Reid's Hall of Fame bust out of butter, like they do at a state fair in Iowa or Minnesota.
Yeah, Minnesota State Fair. Yeah.
Also, with Andy Reid, if he does win, are we talking retirement? No. Not with Patrick Mahomes.
It would be nice. It would be one thing if it was like the end of the road, but Andy Reid can coast with Patrick Mahomes for a while.
But wouldn't that be great, though, to see him go out on top?

No chance he's going out with him.

On one hand, it would break my heart.

No.

On the other, I get it, Andy.

No, it's going to reinvigorate him.

He's going to be looking for more.

How about this one, Hank?

Best tight end in the league.

Yep.

Or like the most gregarious, most eccentric, cool tight end. Kind of big party animal.
Like meathead, but lovable. Best current tight end in the league.
Travis Kelsey or George Kittle. It's Kittle.
Greg Kittle. It's definitely Greg Kittle, but that will be a discussion that will be had.
Another obvious one is the quarterback connection between San Francisco, Kansas City. Looking back throughout history, you've got Alex Smith, you've got Joe Montana, you've got Bono, you've got Gerbach.
So for a while— And Steve DeBerg. It was what? John Boyce's article said it was what? 149 wins with the ex-49ers.
So a 49er that was a drafted 49er won 149 games for the Chiefs while a drafted Chief won zero for their three-decade That's so impressive. It's crazy.
I think it was like 200 I wrote it down. It was like 261 starts by 231 starts by a San Francisco 49er drafted quarterback for the Kansas City Chiefs.
That's incredible. It's like the pipeline goes straight from San Francisco to KC.
Steve DeBerg had 52 starts and 3 postseason starts. Joe Montana, 25 starts, 4 postseason starts.
I mean, I was too young, but Joe Montana going to the AFC Championship. Kind of forgot that.
Steve Bono had 31 starts, 1 playoff start. Elvis Gerbach 47.
One playoff start. Alex Smith, 76.

Five playoff starts.

So literally for three decades straight, the Chiefs only had quarterbacks

that were drafted by the 49ers.

The best part about that stat, though, Brody Croyle,

10 starts for the Chiefs, drafted by the Chiefs, 0-10.

Oh, no.

Yeah.

So he ruined it.

He could have had one in there.

Who was the combo breaker?

He could have had one. Was it Heward? I don't know who exactly.
Oh, no. Yeah.
So he ruined it. He could have had one in there.
Who was the combo breaker? He could have had one. Was it Heward? I don't know who exactly.
Wait, no. No, it was Patrick Mahomes was the combo breaker.
He was the first one to get a start? Yeah, because he started for Alex Smith. Right.
So they had their chance to get it. Right.
Yeah. Right.
Yeah, that's going to be funny. And also, because of the quarterback connection, we've got to mention Joe Montana.
Joe Montana doing a million interviews this week and saying, well, my team's going to win. Oh, God, that's going to be good.
I'm excited for that. The Joe Montana Bowl.
He already tweeted that, so we're good. He's going to be walking around like a NASCAR driver this week, just with all the different sponsors doing any interview.
Anyone that wants to stick a microphone in Joe's face just on the street, he will give you an interview what why if you're a 49ers fan and joe montana doesn't say i'm rooting for the 49ers that would piss me off maybe it's one of the situations where it ended poorly and he switched sides i would piss me off if joe montana shows up to the super bowl wearing anything but a 49ers shirt that would piss me off he should do the coin flip is he the coin flip? I'm sure he'll be involved. Okay, other stories.
Super Bowl, Hank mentioned this. Super Bowl, L-I-V, and Liv is one of the hottest nightclubs in Miami.
So they're going to get a ton of free promotions. Someone for like Sports Illustrated or maybe Wall Street Journal will do a The Real Liv is here.
Like interview people at 3 a.m. drunk.
We need to find out, Jake, if you're listening, how much free advertising is Liv getting this week? Expected free advertising. Let's get on that before other national sports media journalists.
On that note, I think it should be a Super Bowl story, but it won't be that it's bullshit that the Super Bowl logo sucks and has sucked for the last 15 years. Because they don't change it.
It was awesome. Now it's just the numerals in like steel and it looks terrible.
Yeah, it's like Roger Goodell found a font for the Super Bowl and he's not changing it. If you're under the age of 24, go look at what the Super Bowl logos looked like in the 90s.
It was cool. They were sweet.
It was cool. And you would buy a hat every year because it looked awesome.
It was cool when you used to be able to put the patches on your jacket. I love the guys, by the way, that walk around with the Letterman jackets that have the patches from every Super Bowl.
Their team's won. Someone's out there.
They look different. I think there's two guys that have gone to every Super Bowl there'll be a story about them but yeah there's it sucks now the industrial complex of the Super Bowl has taken over and it's just these these huge fucking numerals which I hate that part too just give me the numbers right because it always screws me up yeah that should be a story what else we have here we've got battle of the fullbacks yep that's a big story.
People are talking about it. No, they already are because it's Jushek and they always say he's going to be a story about himself because they're going to find out he went to Harvard.
Anytime you can write a story about a football player that somehow went to Harvard, they're going to be able to write that. So it's going to be Sherman, Jushek, our fullbacks officially back.
As first reported by part of my take last year, they are officially back. How about this fun stat for you? Ready for this? First time in seven years that the Super Bowl will not have LeGarrette Blount or C.J.
Anderson. That is a very fun stat.
Isn't that fun? That's crazy. C.J.
Anderson last year with the Rams, LeGarrette Blount with the Eagles in 2018, again in 2017 with the Patriots then C.J. Anderson with the Broncos in 16, Blount with the Patriots in 15 and then C.J.
Anderson 2014 with the Broncos. That's a fun one It's crazy they never played in the same Super Bowl Right, that's just a random one The Chiefs should sign C.J.
Anderson right now They can do it just to keep it going But Belichick used to cut a guy the night before the Super Bowl right that's just a random one I wish the the Chiefs should sign CJ Anderson right now I mean they can do it just to keep it going Belichick used to cut a guy the night before the Super Bowl just for fun yep that could happen this year you never know uh oh Sports Illustrated having a party on Saturday night even though they laid off half their staff yeah that's going to be a big storyline and see how many people from Sports Illustrated actually show up yes and think enough of their bosses to go to their own party Darren. Darren Revelle rating the quality of females at different Super Bowl parties.
That's right. Because that did happen.
At Playboy? It's all time sweet. Playboy used to be good.
The models at Playboy used to be good looking, according to Darren Revelle. But when he got his invite to the Playboy mansion, they were busted.
I'm going to pull it up. It's an all time.
All time. Oh, here it is.
Playboy not having gorgeous women. Hold on.
Playboy not having gorgeous playmates at its Super Bowl party does affect a brand that is already faltering. Hashtag reality.
That's a big hashtag. That's reality, bro.
That's just fucking, that's reality. Wouldn't happen if he was alive.
No. No, this was actually in 2012.
He was alive. Hashtag reality.
That really drives it home, actually. Yeah, you're right, Darren.
You're right. Playboy, back when you used to hide.
I guarantee you Darren never hit a playboy in his house. He probably walked up to a playmate and was like, can you do a quick spin for me? And took a quick note.
I was like, yep, not up to stuff. the d-man yeah let me see those heels okay uh robert sala his birthday is this week oh he's in birthday week uh so he's he was born on january 31st everyone's talking about his birthday wow uh so it's going to be really it's going to be robert sala and then eric biennemi going up against each other two coordinators that were not offered head coaching gigs this offseason.
Okay. Here's one I found.
CBS Sports posted this one. This one is very stupid, but I kind of like it.
If Andy Reid wins the Super Bowl, it will be his 222nd career win, his second Super Bowl title because he won with the Packers as an assistant coach, and it will come on 2-2-2020. Lot of twos.
Well, so dovetailing off that, the Super Bowl is going to be played on a palindrome this year. So it's 0-2-0-2-2-0-2-0.
Same forward as it is backwards. Wait, but it's not 2-0-2.
Wait. Yeah.
0-2-0-2-2-0-2-0. But if you go backwards, where do the other zeros come from? 0202-2020.
I still am missing if you go backwards. Okay.
So if you write this down on a piece of paper, do a little visual. Okay, ready? I got it.
0202-2020. Oh Two zero, two zero.
Two zero, got it. That's because I was looking at it without the zeros in there.
Oh, the zeros at the front. I was, yeah.
Yeah, February is the second month of the year. I don't put those zeros in.
I just go two, two. Also, it's being played on Groundhog's Day.
Speaking of Groundhog's Day, the last time the Niners played a Super Bowl. Wait, it's being played on Groundhog's Day? Yeah.
Speaking of Groundhog's Day, the last time the Niners wait it's being played on groundhogs yeah speaking of groundhogs day the last time the Niners played a Super Bowl in this stadium they won oh so is history going to repeat itself that's interesting 1994 95 95 Super Bowl 94 season Chargers monkey off their back Steve Young now means business that's right and that time, the Niners have not won a game in Miami Stadium, the Hard Rock Stadium, whatever it was called before. Damn.
They have not won a game since 1995, so it's been 25 years. Damn.
The Chiefs, on the other hand, are 8-3 in that stadium, which is a fun fact. That is fun.
Marlon's man, which is him in general. Yeah, Jeter.
Jeter. Marlon's Man's cats.
Cocaine. Someone will write a story about the cocaine.
Yeah. Jimmy Garoppolo's dad is named Tony, like Tony Montana.
Tony Garoppolo. Everything will be spelled using the Miami Vice text font.
You'll get everything. That would be cool.
Jimmy G is now in Miami, which is the home of Brazzers. So it's going to be like a kid in a candy store type situation.
Yeah, it's a home game for him. Yeah.
Some people are talking about this. I don't know if a lot of people are, but some people are saying this is the Big Ten Super Bowl because the teams that have the most players represented, Iowa has four players, Penn State has five, by far the most.
So that's another bowl victory for the Big Ten. Also, the Bears gave their best players to the 49ers and they took the worst play caller from Kansas City.
So now Kansas City's in there because you guys got their ships. And the Bears ex-players also played for Big Ten schools, Purdue and Penn State.
Good point. And the Chiefs wouldn't be in the Super Bowl if the Bears didn't draft Mitch Trubisky instead of Patrick Mahomes.
Actually, Will Brinson had a hot take. I got tagged on a tweet that he said that if Mitch Trubisky got drafted by the Chiefs and Patrick Mahomes got drafted by the Bears, Mitch Trubisky would be better than Patrick Mahomes.
That is quite a take. So it's an institutional failure, which I actually agree with that.
Yeah, I like that. That's a very, very good take.
Every quarterback, shit. Best take of the week so far, Stephen A.
Smith. Got to take your hat off to him.
He's the best in the business for a reason. He said this morning that if the Chiefs had Alex Smith, they would be in the Super Bowl as well.
So is Patrick Mahomes a system quarterback? Yes, he said he's great but it's really the skill players that make him great. He's good, but they make him great.
They're fast. Another one, we've got Texas Tech's own Patrick Mahomes in the Super Bowl.
Miami is the closest city to where Mike Leach lives. That is definitely going to be a storyline.
100% of the storyline. Someone will write that story for sure.
It definitely will. Also, congratulations to the municipality of Miami, the city, whatever it's called.
Dade County. Dade County, this is your 11th Super Bowl.
This puts you number one. Wow.
In the history of the universe. Number one in the universe.
Most Super Bowls. A lot of people are giving out number one in the universe these days um i will do you think anyone will write the enjoy this miami super bowl because with global warming there may not be another one yes yes we should write that we'll get that take and we'll get the uh the chiefs need to change their name take yeah like what is what is what has changed since the last time miami had the super bowl well the water And now, you know, all these houses are going to be submerged next time we have it.
They should actually give, like, the NFL should announce that the Super Bowl is going back to Miami in, like, 2060. So that we can then write all the stories and be like, probably not going to happen.
I like the Chiefs one. That one, for sure.
We've talked about that before. But if you get into a championship game, if you're the Indians, the Redskins, the Braves, Chiefs, you will get the score.
I actually think that there's only one way that those teams will change their names. And that's if there's a C-words, R-words Super Bowl.
Where they play against each other. I think at that point the NFL will be like, hey guys, it's fine to have one of you here.

Now it's like everyone's talking about it.

Too much of a good

thing, Mr. Snyder.

There'll be the zag

of everyone saying, well, this is

the first of many Super Bowls for Patrick

Mahomes, and then someone will say, well,

are we sure that it's the Chiefs that are going to

go on a run, or is it the Niners that are going to

go on a run? Because they might be

set up better. We are going to get some Dan

Marino never won a Super Bowl talk. Oh, poor Dan.
Let me just say, if you're thinking about going there, don't. Dan is a good player and an even better person.
He is so even-keeled, mild-mannered, happy-go-lucky. This is not on him, okay? The mayor of Miami.
Yeah yeah everyone thought he was going to go to multiple superbowls don't have don schula come out at some point oh mercury morris yep speaking of cocaine might be involved sometime this week call that his own superbowl um okay we got any others hank do you have any the first i gave a couple patriots aren't in in a while no that's i mean it is what it is everyone will be talking about the andy losing the Patriots. Yeah, that's true.
You do get a little bit of runoff by having both coaches have their biggest loss be against the Patriots. You're going to have Richard Sherman, the picture of him staring out onto the field after Russell Wilson threw that INT.
Richard Sherman bet on himself story. Oh, Richard Sherman is going up against a quarterback.
No, I was going to try to work in a Russell Wilson angle, but that's not working out here. The other thing with Patrick Mahomes and this will be the first of many is that you'll get that and then you'll get people immediately saying, well, they said that about Aaron Rodgers and Mike McCarthy and they never got back.
True, good point. That's okay.
Richard Sherman teaming up with Jimmy Garoppolo who beat him in a Super Bowl. There it is.
Yeah, I like that. There's some good storylines.
It's going to be a great week. I'm excited to watch all the people slip up on Greg Kittle.
Yeah, Greg Kittle, Greg Kittle, Greg Kittle, Greg Kittle. It's happened a couple times now.
Antonio Brown's going to work his way in there somehow. Oh, man.
No, he's going to be. He lives in Miami.
He got arrested today. Yeah.
Okay. Or he's about to get arrested as we speak.
Sure. Yeah, you could say that at any point.
And I'd be like, yep. He's currently being arrested.
Hey, did you hear about Antonio Brown? He's about to be arrested on Instagram Live. Yep.
Makes sense. Makes perfect sense.
The Greg Kittle thing, though, we are killing that. It is slowly seeping into the world.
And I like it. I saw Mike Golick Sr.
Mike Golick. BSPN.
Big Mike said it this morning. Like, editors.
There's morning. Like editors.
It's one of those things that I've actually started to question myself sometimes when I say his name. I'm like, is it? Oh, yeah, it is.
If Joe Buck, do you think we can get Joe Buck to say it? Yes, we're going to basically just do the meow game with Joe Buck. We'll have him on this week and we'll just say Greg Kittle so many times that he doesn't know up from down.

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Everyone's going to smell great. Hank, hot seat, cool throne.
My hot seat is UNC basketball. Oh, boy, they stink.
Things are real bad in Chapel Hill. They're dead last in the ACC.
Roy Williams. Behind Wake Forest, behind everyone.
Great coach. Has Coach K ever been last? Dead last, no.
No, definitely not. Good thing that's because Roy Williams doesn't cheat, and so he's being surpassed right now with everybody that plays fast

and loose with the rules.

Roy Williams, it's so bad.

It's gotten so bad that Roy Williams thinks he might die

before they ever get good again.

He had a quote where he said,

everyone says, well, you've got help coming,

and he said that I hope I'm going to live long enough to get there.

Wow.

Wow.

Tough times in Chapel Hill.

Real tough times in Chapel Hill.

Coach Case just keeps chugging along, right?

He wouldn't give up on a season like that. No, he would not.
Numbers never lie. That would be great if Roy Williams faked his own death.
That would be fantastic and then came back to life as soon as they started getting good again. Also, I don't think you can be accused of an NCAA infraction if you're dead.
That's true. He could pay people from beyond the grave.
Trust me. Yes, technicality.

What's that called?

Non-arbitration.

Abatement.

It's abatement if you get accused.

But I bet you that the NCAA has death goons that go after you even after you're dead.

Yeah, they definitely.

They remove all sorts of banners.

They take the rings that you take with you in the casket away.

Great hot seat, Hank.

Thank you. The cool throne is casket away.
Great hot seat, Hank. Thank you.

Yeah.

Cool throne is getting the gat.

Get the gat.

Getting the gat is, this could be hot in the streets,

but it's the new hot in the streets dance.

LSU's football team has kind of made it famous,

but they were the ones that were doing it,

that they had that video in the White House with the random,

I don't know if she was on the team.

What are you going to say?

I don't know.

Just random lady.

It was either random White House assistant aide or football team aide.

Random White House lady.

Hot lady.

Yeah, she was a smoke.

But it was like it was.

She was what?

She was a smoke.

Aaron Ruffell said that helps the program.

She looked polite.

So that video went viral and it's just like now all the teams are doing it.

It's the new dance.

Get used to it.

You'll be seeing it probably until like summer 2020.

What does it mean when they go get the gat

and then they put their fingers out like that?

What does this mean?

Guns.

I think it means like get the gun.

Oh, okay.

And then get ready to shoot it.

Then you get the gnat.

First you get the gnat, then you get the gnat.

I got it.

That's all it is right there.

Then you get the money, then you get the power.

Yeah, then you get the sat

because you're tired from getting the gnat. Then you sit down and just hang out.
Yeah. Exactly.
That's right. So getting the gat, cool throne.
All right. Good hot seat, cool throne, Hank.
So it was a great hot seat, good cool throne? No, both were great. Then why did you say good? Because the second one was good.
So, yeah. Right.
All right. Great.
Good. Okay.
My hot seat is iguanas. Iguanas on the on the hot seat big time.
Because it's going to dip below 40 degrees. What's up? There we go.
That's a different one. Those are iguanas.
The bug-wise. Yeah, those were iguanas, though, too.
I don't think the iguanas said, what's up, did they? The what's up iguana? I think so. Those were just dudes, I thought.
Oh, they were dudes. Yeah.
They were bros. I thought they combined them at the end.
You're forgetting which tagline goes along with which critter. No, but then they combined them all at the end.
Listen, I know that there are a lot of animals that drink beer in these commercials. Wives.
Okay, so iguanas. So the iguanas are falling out of trees in Miami now because it's so cold.
Oh, trees. So once the temperature drops below 40 degrees, iguanas, since they're warm-blooded, they just stop being able to move, so they get paralyzed and they just pass out and fall.
Wait, it's going to be cold there? Right now it is. Tonight it is.
So if you're walking under a tree in Miami. I love that.
So I can wear a sweatshirt. Bring your umbrella because an iguana might fall on your head yeah the iguanas did some what's up come on just once okay what's up oh that was horrible believe me oh man you think that's what's up that's what's up they basically combined them all because they're like this is all working really well yeah so iguanas a while.
There was like a 10-year period where Budweiser could do no wrong with any of their ads. Yeah.
No matter how bad they were, it's like that's a cool ad for Bud. Yeah, the guy's sitting at home.
They used to have a pit bull that just got fucked up all the time. Yeah, it was great.
God, beer ads are the best. Yeah.
My other hot seat is Chad Johnson. Oh, okay.
Chad Johnson because he didn't show up for his XFL trial, unlike me.

He had it booked for Monday.

No-showed because he knew that there was a superior alpha

that had already gone down there and kicked the shit out of balls.

He's a coward.

He's a coward is what he is.

So Tronte Cinco over Ocho Cinco.

That's Mr. 35 to you, Chad.

And then my cool throne is sex because Tim Tebow had sex, finally.

Our long-term care over. Tim Tebow got married, put his penis inside of his wife, and then they had sex until he orgasmed.
That sounds like a lot. Do you think that you are better? He might not have even made it inside before that happened.
That's true. I was going around telling people.
I'm like, I think I'm better at sex than Tim Tebow until he has sex the second time.

Yeah, he probably was better the first time than me.

Like, right now.

It'd be great if he was just like a starfish and he was just bad at it.

That's one thing that Tim Tebow is bad at. No, you know it.

He's not good at baseball.

Yeah, that's true.

He can't hit a fucking fastball.

He's not.

Yeah.

You're getting moved up to AAA.

He's better than Jordan. No, he's not.
Better than Jordan at baseball, yeah. No, he's not.
Oh, the stats will bear me out. No.
But, I mean, Jordan did it in the middle of his career. Tebow's already.
Tebow tried to start his own extra career. Jordan got suspended and had to go play it against his will.
Tebow is his love. Ever since I heard that Sean Payton won Tebow to beat Taysom Hill and he turned it down, that's changed my view of that is a big time.
It's true. So we know that he could not NFL and be playing as I am better at sex than Tebow because he won't switch positions.
It is crazy that he just wouldn't do anything but be a quarterback like dude you stink at being a quarterback, but you could be a quarterback slash athletic right quarterback slash 88 should have been a fucking tight. Yeah, he would have a beast.
What a shame. What a shame.
Well, now he's having sex. Yeah.
So he's just like us. He's confirmed not a virgin anymore.
All right. My hot seat is Andy Reid's diet.
So Andy Reid was going on a diet and then within 30 minutes said that his celebration was going to get a big cheeseburger on Sunday night. So that diet didn't last.
That's just dinner. Yeah, but that diet didn't last.
So I'm happy that it didn't last. Are you expecting, out of all the choices he could make in the Kansas City Stadium and Arrowhead Stadium concourse, a cheeseburger's pretty good.
Yeah, it's true, but it's just funny. He didn't get a chili milkshake.
He literally gave one interviewer, like, I'm going to go on a diet. And then someone was like, what are you going to do after this? He's like, cheeseburger.
Well, spin zone no fries spin zone that's keto if you eat the bun no fries he didn't say i just ate a cheeseburger with a bun yeah yeah no you're right he didn't say cheeseburger and fries cheeseburger with a bun he just said cheeseburger carb-free andy yeah absolutely he's i can could you imagine the visual of andy reed taking like the bun and throwing it out on a cheese. I can't.
The only way I can picture that is if it's whole wheat. Oh, man.
Or sesame. Even sesame picks every sesame off.
Was this a vegetable? A tiny little 100 vegetables on my bun? My other hot seat is books. Did you see the guy who rips his books in half? That was the dumbest thing ever.
Wait, like strong dude? No, this guy was like, hey, does anyone else do this? but I ripped my books in half that was the dumbest thing ever wait like strong dude no this guy was like hey does anyone else do this but i rip my books in half to the along the seam so that they're easier to transport so he reads half and then when he's done with the first half he takes the second half and reads that he takes both halves with him at the same time no no he leaves one half at home what if you get halfway done i would imagine thought he brought both. I thought it was like a pound of iron or a pound of feather situation.
I was so confused. There's only one specific point in time where you'd need both, right? I guess.
Like, if you can time it out. Yeah, but you'd time that out.
Like, I'm getting pretty close. Like, you're switching reels on a film projector.
Right, right, right. Yeah, that's too much.
Because for me, if you give me any bit of daylight to stop reading, I'm not going to pick up. No, it was a hilarious visual.
I think it did fall under the category of one of those fake viral things where someone's like, anyone else put mayonnaise on their, I don't know, fill me in here. Bananas.
In their toilet water? Anyone else wipe with mayonnaise as a lubricant? Yeah, anyone like to leave a thin layer of mayo out in the sun till it dries yeah right up and use it to wipe your derriere right and that goes viral so there was a part of that but he also was kind of a weirdo so maybe it was real but it was a very funny thing he just had all his books ripped in half just tearing the shit out of books yeah although that is pretty badass if you're walking around with books that are torn up yeah you're carrying them in your hands, that does look cool. It looks like you hate books.

There's this thing called the Kindle.

I don't know if you've heard of it. It has every book ever.
It just looks like you're frustrated trying to read. All right.
My cool throne is the NFL Draft because it's cool again. It has – is this real? Yeah.
100% real. I think so.
The NFL draft is going to have a stage in the Bellagio pool,

and players are going to be transported in a boat, which they should have to row. Breaking news.
Odell Beckham has just reentered the NFL draft. Well, there should definitely be props on which player is going in the water.
Yeah. This is Fred Smoot walked so the NFL could run.
That's right. A little love boat action going on.

You should be able to get your rocks off on that boat.

Yes, absolutely.

Let's see.

Who are going to be the top 10 picks?

Who's most likely to fall into the water?

Jordan Love has 10-5-8 hands.

Did you see those hands?

That's pretty good.

10-5-8?

Yeah.

Those are huge monster hands.

He's going up the draft board.

That's pretty sweet, though, getting a boat ride up to visit Goodell. Yeah.
I hope somebody pushes Goodell into the water. Just dunks him, gives him a swirly into Bellagio.
I saw Hank's O face. So this is what I'm worried about.
We're on the cusp of what could be a national nightmare here with this NFL draft because in the past we've had Chicago, we've had Philly, we've had New York, we've had Dallas. Every single one of these cities has gone out of their way to boo Roger Goodell.
We might not get a good boo in Vegas. I don't think the people in Vegas should boo Roger Goodell.
One, because he just gave them an NFL team. Two, because you're too happy in Vegas to want to boo anything.
Counterpoint PFT. You're just booing numbers that pop up next to a roulette wheel.
Last weekend, there was an event in Vegas. Who received the biggest pop in the crowd? Tom Brady.
What does that tell you? He's going to be the Raiders quarterback. No.
Oh. They're going to boo Roger Goodell.
Oh. Got it.
Okay. What about the Raiders quarterback? A plus B equals C.
Derek Carr. Him and Gruden.
I hope Mark Davis comes out. Mark Davis should be driving the boat.
He should be. Yeah, because it would definitely crash.
They should give him a duck boat, which is like a conversion van that he drives into the water that's been retrofitted with a motor. You guys won against me, though, when I said this, though.
If Brady, like, I wouldn't even be mad if he went to the Raiders. And if he went to the Raiders, like, everyone would the Raiders like everyone would be rooting for the Vegas Raiders you would John Gruden and Tom Brady if Tom Brady can do whatever he wants if Tom Brady is like I thought about it I made my decision and what I wanted to do was be my thing to go to Vegas like I you can't I would never be like Tom what the fuck fuck you whatever Tom Brady wants to do he can do and if he just decides to go to the Raiders which would be shocking that team would be electric be electric.
I would agree it would be very well liked. Absolutely.
You know what they need to do? They need to have Mark Davis as one of those gondola guys in Italy that's in charge of paddling a super long canoe. With the striped shirt.
The striped shirt. Skin tight.
Smoking a cigarette. He's got a bottle of wine, and he just takes you by gondola up to Rodgers.
Need it. Need it.
Need Mark Davis somehow involved. Alright right let's get to our interview with vaughn miller before we do that are you wearing your me undies i'm wearing them right now i'm wearing my me undies we're all yes let me see we're all wearing our me undies because roses are red violets are blue your butt is cute rhyming is dumb happy valentine's day everyone were you saying that my butt's cute no that's uh well yeah actually sure to show how much they love you me undies has not one but three valentine's day everyone.
Were you saying that my butt's cute? No. Well, yeah, actually sure.
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Okay, here he is, Vaughn Miller.

Do you want to bench after?

I'm good.

What?

It's off-season.

You haven't started your off-season program?

No, I haven't started it yet.

You probably don't even lift anymore.

Are we good to go? All right, well, this is Vaughn Miller. He hasn't started his off-season program? No, I ain't started it yet.
You probably don't even lift anymore. Are we good to go? All right, well, this is Von Miller.
He hasn't started his off-season program. We can run it in hot.
What's up with that? I actually have started my off-season program, but I haven't got into the weight room yet. Oh, it's a mental thing first? It's like in San Francisco, we do stairs and weight ball training and push-ups and pull-ups.

Got it.

I haven't really got on the weights yet, though.

I like that.

That's like my off-season training before I get in the weight room is just putting on gym clothes

and sitting in my car outside the gym and then going home.

You're getting your mind right.

That's the mind right for a month, and then you go in the gym.

Well, it's like a three-step process. It's like what Big Cat described, getting mentally prepared to be in a gym, seeing yourself in gym clothes first.
The second step, take a bunch of pre-workout, go to the gym, and then just sit on the toilet for an hour. Let your body acclimate to all the caffeine and stuff.
Maybe a sauna. That's basically it.
But I got the Pro Bowl and the Super Bowl that kind of interrupts it. So it.
Right. So I don't really go, like, too hard before then because I'm going to have to take time off to go to the Pro Bowl or the Super Bowl.
Then after that, I take another week off, and then I get back in. Are you going to go all out in the Pro Bowl this year? Yeah, I always do.
I mean, everybody else is just chilling. I mean, it's an easy MVP if I go hard.
That's probably a check, too, right? Yeah. Because the MVP gets, like, a car or something? It's a car and stuff.
I got a car already because I went hard. Did anybody say anything to you when you were going hard in the Pro Bowl? Yeah, I got a little bit and I had to apologize to a couple of guys, but I already told them before when I play I don't know anything else.
I would love to go out here and half-ass it with you, but I tell the guys beforehand, and this is like my sixth Pro Bowl. This is like my eighth Pro Bowl, so everybody already knows.
You forget how many Pro Bowls, sixth, eighth, whatever. I just got on the phone with Cortland.
Suddenly, he's going to the Pro Bowl. They just announced them today.
Or yesterday. They just announced them yesterday.
And he asked me what was his advice. I said, hey, just chill all week.
And then when the game comes, the game comes go hard go hard go hard i feel like that's a valid point though because if you don't play hard aren't you more likely to get injured uh no not in this game because they kind of they blow the whistle kind of quick you know you got to think about you got a lot of stars out there you don't really really want to see anybody get hurt right but um yeah like sometimes in a real game if you if you like half-ass it out there like you got a higher chance to get hurt. Right.
But, yeah, like sometimes in a real game, if you, like, half-ass it out there, like you got a higher chance to get hurt. But with the Pro Bowl, everybody's half-assing it, so it'll be good.
Yeah. All right, so we have Vaughn Miller.
He is an eight-time Pro Bowler, future Hall of Famer, Super Bowl MVP. You know his – he's been on three times.
He's here with MyGlaucoma.com. Go check it out.
We're getting some glaucoma awareness going on so that people can know more about glaucoma. How many people have glaucoma? 70 million people worldwide.
Of those 70 million people, 27% of those people go blind and one eye within a 10 year span. Can we get my glaucoma.com to maybe put a link to the podcast on their site.
So 70 million people go and then also subscribe. Maybe a little collab.
I mean, we got to talk. My back, we scratch yours.
We got to talk to them. But glaucoma is a real, real, like a crazy, serious disease.
It makes doing like everyday stuff, everyday lifestyle stuff, like cooking or driving, like really, really tough.

And is it treatable?

It is.

It is.

It is treatable.

It is treatable.

But like I said before, 27% of these people are going to go blind in one eye or another.

It's real serious.

All right.

So go to myglacoma.com right now.

Learn more about it.

Okay.

So Vaughn, you've been on the show many times.

I actually was going back and doing some research on what we talked about the last few times. I want to read a quote for you.
Maybe it's not a direct quote, but something you said March 2018. You said, Mitch Trubisky's going to be great.
Do you still think that? Yeah. Okay, great.
Great. Perfect.
I mean, he had good spurts, all right? Yes. There we go.
He had good spurts. I mean, I don't even think he would tell you that he's a finished product yet.
Yep. But he has a lot of potential.
Football young. And he's done a lot of great stuff for the Chicago Bears, so he's just got to keep going.
I like your attitude. So you also have – I know quarterbacks.
You have a young quarterback, so let's talk about Drew. I know quarterbacks, and I can see them.
I sack them, and I can see them, and I know the good ones from the bad ones. Mitch is definitely not bad, but our guy, we got a rock star.
Rock star. We got a rock star, like owning all the football.
Joe Flacco you're talking about. It's his birthday today.
Would you like to say hi to Joe? Joe Flacco? It's his birthday. I should FaceTime him right now.
Happy birthday, Joe. Yeah.
Happy birthday, big dog. But Drew Locke.
Drew Locke. We were early adopters of Drew Locke.
We just thought he had moxie right off the get-go. He does.
You know what it was? When you said he throws a hell of an incomplete pass after, like, one practice, I was like, okay, that's how you know. Yeah.
If somebody looks good throwing incompletions. He, like, scrambled out and, like, ran around, shook one dude, went to the side, and he threw it, and the receiver just barely missed, and I was like, bro, that's like.
It looked good. I was like, bro, that's crazy.
That's how I got it right there. Sometimes it's better to throw a good-looking incompletion than a bad-looking completion.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. 100%.
Yeah. Maybe not for, like, moving the football.
Not in a game, but in practice. Yeah.
If you throw, like, a duck and it's a completion, it's like, okay, it's just a matter of time. How many times can you do that? Somebody picked it off.
If you throw, a really nice pass, it's incomplete. You're like, okay, this guy got something.
He just missed. Okay, so he's a rock star.
So you guys are set there. When did you first know that he was going to be good? Man, to be honest, like, to be honest, like, when he came and I saw him, like, throw the ball.
And just, I saw his demeanor with the other rookies. Because when rookies come in, they don't really kick it with, like, the vets off top.
They got, like, their own, like, little cult that they kick it with and they, like, tell jokes and they're all, like, together by themselves and stuff. And I, like, watched him and, like, he was, like, the leader of the rookies, like, off top from day one.
And everybody just kind of gravitated towards him and I saw him in practice. You know, people might not see me, but I see everybody on the football team.
And, like, I just saw him, and I just knew it off top. Like, he was good in the locker room.
Everybody loved him. And that's the number one sign off top.
You got to be likable. You got to be likable.
And he was definitely likable. He was talented.
And when we got him on scout team, he was going crazy out there. And I'm like, yeah, this is the guy.
That and being able to sing along to the young, was it Young Jeezy on the sidelines?

Young Jeezy.

But he was doing that before he got to the Broncos.

It was just that day made it really, really big.

That and being tall, too.

John Elway likes him real tall.

He's not that tall, is he?

No, he's not tall enough.

6'2", 6'1"?

Yeah, he probably likes 6'1".

How tall are you?

Yeah, John Elway's going to give him that shin extension surgery.

I'm 6'3".

Okay, so John Elway, does he walk by and he's like, good job, Vaughn, you're 6'3".

And he likes that.

No, I mean, no.

He gives you an eye, he's like, okay.

But I tell you're like a young player. You're like, I don't want to.
It's John Elway, the legend, Hall of Fame. I want to stay out his way.
I hope he don't see me. Over time, he's like, bro, he's human just like everybody else.
He see it like how we see it. He's super cool.
You guys had a good end of the season. You kind of turned it around at the end of the season.
You've been in a lot of teams now. Does it carry over from year to year? Like, are you going to go into OTAs being like, hey, we had something cooking at the end of the season? Nothing carries over except experience, right? And we definitely had a lot of experience.
We definitely had our battles with adversity. And I feel like that adversity has really built character on our team.
We got a lot of young guys, and there's no way they would know how to do it right unless we went through what we went through. Right.
I feel like next year, everybody has confidence, everybody's excited. Everybody's excited.
Everybody knows what we can do when we're on. And we got a great offensive line.
Garrett Bowles played out of his mind towards the end of the season. We have Juwan James James back.
We'll have Bradley Chubb back. Phillip Lindsey is coming back.
Noah Fant was just crazy like all year. He was just like crazy in Spurs.
And he's going to be year two next year. Then we got Cortland Sutton, of course.
And on defense, we got Kareem Jackson. Hopefully we can get Chris back, Justin Simmons.
Then the draft is coming up. And we're going to all type of dogs.
We're going to be ready to go. Staying inside your division, you've had a rivalry for a few years now with Phillip Rivers.
You've been getting after him a lot. Are you going to miss it at all if he's not in the division? Yeah, I'm going to miss it.
He's a Hall of Fame quarterback in my eyes. He's a great quarterback.
It'd just be weird to look at the San Diego Chargers or the LA Chargers without Phillip Rivers.

He's just so intertwined

with the franchise and organization.

So that clip went viral of him talking

some trash in the

Jaguars game. Has he ever talked

trash to you? Has he ever said anything to you?

No. But like, yeah, I guess he has.

I guess he has. It was one game and I kind of like

yanked him up.

Like, hey, you know, but.

What did he say?

Because he doesn't swear.

So that's probably more annoying.

I forgot what it was.

He was just like, he hit me late.

Because I kind of, like to be honest, like I hit him late.

Yeah.

But the ref didn't call it.

Right.

And he was like in the ref face at first, and then the ref didn't listen.

He was like directed towards me.

And it was just like.

Like a rage splurge.

It was just one of those things.

Like my coach told me like my rookie season, and he was like, you would never get ejected if you just grabbed a guy. And I just grabbed him.
Right. That's how it was.
Mother freaker. God dang it.
Yeah. What you doing, Vaughn? You son of a gun.
How are your chickens doing? They're doing pretty good. Oh, take care of your chickens.
Greener Pastures chicken. You guys should check it out.
We got a humanely raised product. We got an organic product, pasture raised, non-GMO.
You know, in today's world, everybody wants to know where their food is coming from. At Greener Pastures, we got you covered.
When Marshawn said, take care of your chickens, were you like, yep. Like, I knew instantly.
I was like, I got to make a meme to this. Yeah.
Like right when he said it, I gotta make a meme to this.

Did you make a meme?

Yeah, I made a meme.

Take care of your mentals and your chickens.

It did pretty good, too.

I'll be the judge of that.

Let me look it up.

Was it on your Twitter?

Yeah, it was on my Instagram.

Instagram.

Did you do your own photoshops?

No, I got a group.

I got my guy right here to help me with it.

Okay.

Oh, here it is.

Marshawn Lynch.

Y'all take care of them chickens.

Vaughn Miller.

And there you are in the back of a pickup truck with a chicken and a laptop. That's a pretty good meme.
You, got it. Oh, here it is.
Marshawn Lynch, y'all take care of them chickens, Vaughn Miller, and there you are in the back

of a pickup truck with a chicken and a laptop. That's a pretty good meme.
You memed it pretty well. Yeah.
That's a pretty good meme. They told me, people on my social media team, they was telling me not to post it.
I was like, no, this is going to go crazy. Why? And I posted it and it went crazy.
So I got the vote on that one. Yes, absolutely.
Do you, when Vic Fangio has a kidney stone, passes it, goes to the hospital, then coaches that night, does that pump up the team? I never even realized it. Really? He's such a writer.
He's such a writer. He didn't show any facial emotion.
He didn't say anything to the team. He was just so gangster about it and like coached and then went to and just he was just there like nothing happened like jesus soldier did he eventually pass that thing yeah i think he did yeah yeah i know that it was uh it was night before the hall of fame game right and so he just coached that entire game just dealing with the pain just think about it walking you know head coaches don't sit down for three and a half hours right so he So he's just so stoic and gangster just walking around and he had a kidney stone.
Do you like playing for a guy like Vic who's old school defense, passing kidney stones, that kind of shit? Yeah, I love Coach Fangio. Really, I like the way that we've molded our coaching staff.
We picked up Pat Schumer. We got Mike Munchak.
We really got

three head coaches on the roster. And we got John Elway leading the ship.
So I'm pretty excited where we're going with our organization. Yeah.
We were at the national championship game on Monday night. Odell Beckham got in the news.
He was handing out cash there. If Texas A&M ever wins national championship, you're going to be in the locker room handing out some cash? I personally am in favor of it.
I mean, yeah, I probably would. I probably would.
Just look out for the cameras. Just don't do it on camera.
I had the same question, but it was phrased differently. It was, how much cash have you given out to the good players on Texas A&M? I haven't given out any money.
You sure? We're trying to get another headline. We're trying get that headline bump again I mean like But it was fake money It was fake money No it was fake money We had Joe Burrow on and he said it was real He said it was real? Yeah so we fucked that up Yeah it was our fault So that's really actually the only lesson Is that if you give away money Just make sure we don't do an interview With anyone on the day after And you'll be fine But we don't know if it was real money or fake money That's true, we don't know And then knowing Odell personally It was probably just a stunt He knew the camera was right there He's very observant He probably did that on purpose Like gave him money to make everybody go crazy.
Agreed. It was all fake.
That's the party line that we're sticking to, by the way. It's all fake.
It's all fake. Don't worry about it.
Move along. I actually think it's horse shit if the NCAA actually investigates it.
This should be a great example of one scandal they should choose to overlook. Just close your eyes to it.
It's probably, at max, $700 fake dollars. Yeah.
I heard it was $300 fake dollars. $300 fake dollars back.
I see everyone wearing these man purses now. Is that like the new...
Do you think I could rock one? It's a fanny pack around your... This is a saddle bag.
Oh, a saddle bag. So it's like a gun holster type.
Okay. So it's way more manly.
Yeah, no, but Odell had that. He had the fanny pack around the shoulder.
He had the green one, right? Yeah. Yeah, Odell's swag daddy.
This one is like, I'm from Texas. I want one of those.
It looks like I got a pistol in there, but I really don't. It's the second time you've mentioned.
Sandwich firearm. Are you carrying a firearm right now? No.
It's New York. It's New York.
I had a gun here for three years. I got these guns.
Oh. There you go.
Damn. Flexed on us.
We haven't been working out, so that wasn't even a flex. I mean, yeah.
Not really. Not real weight room working out yet.
Right. But if you wanted to right now, you could bench a shitload.
I'm not really a big bencher, though. Why does everyone say that? No athlete benches anymore.
You guys are all betas. I don't know what it is.
I just, whenever, like, I get under the weight, like, especially when people, like, watch me in the weight room, they're like, bro, like, Vaughn, like, I thought he lifted more than that. But then when we get on the football field, like, it's totally different.
It's all about bend. It's not about.
Would you say you're country strong? I would say I'm country strong. I would think, like, in the moment, like, I can pull it out.
I can, like, put it out there. But I just feel like in the weight room is just so much going on.
Loud music, pre-workout, guys yelling. I just really can't get into it, I guess.
Do you like going to practice and having a loud speaker system set up? I do, but with Coach Fangio we don't have any of that. It's quiet practice the whole time.
We play music when we stretch and stuff at the beginning, but when practice starts, there's no music. Have you been watching the playoffs? Do you watch football when you're not playing it? I watch the playoff football.
Okay, you watch playoff football. Derrick Henry, do you think that you could be Derrick Henry if things had gotten a little different? Because you guys are actually kind of the same size.
You both run a 4-4, 4-5-40, and you're both beasts. You just play on the other side of the ball.
maybe you should be a running back. I don't want to take anything away from what Derrick Henry has done and make it seem like it's easy to do because what he's doing is really special.
So I wouldn't say I could be Derrick Henry. That would be crazy.
But I feel like I would be the Von Miller of running backs if I was a running back because I always thought in my heart I would play running back or quarterback. It's funny because we were having the discussion a month ago how at some point, some coach wanted Derrick Henry to switch positions and he just didn't.
You probably had a spot where it's like, hey, I'm going to be a linebacker. But you guys kind of are the same size, speed, strength, all that.
You're a linebacker and he he's a running back. That's great.
And running backs do really well rushing the passer. Did you see last year in the Pro Bowl, like Zeke and Alvin Kamara, those guys went crazy rushing the passer.
I can see Derrick Henry really being successful rushing the passer. So maybe you need to get a couple play packages in there of you on the goal line.
I don't know, right? I should come up with something. Really, we should wait until the Titans win the Super Bowl, and then I'm going to see

the same thing.

We can do the same thing.

We're the same size.

We got the same name.

And also, you have zero carries on those knees.

No.

So you're fresh.

I'm ready to go.

You're ready to go.

All you do, you change your Twitter bio so it says linebacker slash RB, and then next

contract comes up, they have to pay you like a running back deal. They have to.
So back so you get that money you double dip on that and then here's how you make the transition you say coach let me get some reps in at fullback right you ease your way in there they let you play fullback and then one time they give you the ball on a fullback dive you get your one opportunity and then you break that off for 15 yards or 20 yards or more then they're going to to give you the ball more often. You know, I've had this pitch for about since we won the Super Bowl and I got like a new contract.
Like I went in and I was like, hey, like I should be playing offense in the goal line package. Yes.
I shouldn't be like, if you put me in there, they automatically don't think I'm getting the ball. Then you just scheme up the play to go the opposite way and it'd be crazy.
Like the offensive coordinator at the time, he kind of like at me and thought about it, and he was just like, no. Why? It's crazy.
Every year they shoot me down really quick. They don't even listen to my argument.
It's crazy. If you went through the roster, I'm sure there's many times in your career where you are the best all-around athlete on the roster.
Why wouldn't you want you on the field more? I'm with these guys. I'm with these guys on the field.
I practice with these guys. I practice

with Alexander Johnson

and I practice

with Todd Davis

and I just don't feel like they can cover me.

They can cover other tight ends, but I just don't feel

like they can cover me. Todd,

I said it. AJ, I said it.
I just don't

feel like they can cover me.

And those guys are really good linebackers, so

I know if they put me in the package, I would

kill other teams. Right.
The bad linebackers

you'd eat alive. I would kill them.
Von Miller

Thank you. I can play tight end, too.
Now, how much of your contract will we get if you do that? I mean, I'm sure we can set up something in the future. It's got to be like I score a certain amount of touchdowns.
Like incentive face? And then on the back end of it, man, I can come back to the barstool guy. Okay, how about this? How about this? As your agent, I'm going to give you permission to negotiate your own contract like Richard Sherman did based on incentives, but then I get 10% of all those incentives because I'm your agent and I told you to do that.
You lost me on that. Let's make it simple.
I'm going to make it very simple for you, Von. Exactly right.
Here it is. Ready? If you score a touchdown on offense.
It's got to be more than one. No, no.
Just every single touchdown you score, you give each of us $1,000. I like it.
Done. Now we have something to root for.
It's the four of us. So it's $4,000.
So what do I get if I score a touchdown? Are you going to score a touchdown? Are you going to dance, dude? In any good friendship, it's like give, receive. I'm giving you $1,000.
We talk about it on this show. We're like Vaughn and everyone's rooting for it now because all of our listeners, everyone who follows us will be like, give Vaughn the ball.
Give Vaughn the ball because they know that we can get money and so now we'll get you the ball. I'll send you a t-shirt.
Y' I can tag the clip and put it on your Instagram. You'll get clout.
We'll send you a shirt with a picture of you scoring the touchdown. I feel like $1,000 for marketing and putting.
Yes, easily. You're now getting the buzz.
Oh, that was so – I should have done more. Fuck.
I meant $5,000. I was just looking for something to say deal because I feel like $5,000 would have been a little much.
I know, we already signed a deal now. Yeah, we did.
We did. Everyone saw it.
Handshake deal. That's legal, Tinder.
It's legal. If you score a touchdown offense, now we've got to figure out a way to get into the offensive coordinator's head.
Who's your offensive coordinator? Pat Shermer. Yeah, Pat Shermer.
Pat Shermer. How do we get into his head? I've been very nice about the things I've said about Pat Shermer.
We all have. I love Pat Shermer.
And John Elway. He's tough when he punts.
Pat's tough. Yeah, no.
Yeah, John Elway, too. All right, so we got to figure out someone.
How do we get into John Elway's head? Just remind him that Vaughn's tall. Yeah.
Yes, Vaughn is tall. We're going to start a publicity campaign reminding John Elway that you're – Everything that Vaughn is taller than.
I really don't think, like – I really don't think, don't think like any of that stuff will bother like John. He's just like so like...
He's just like gangster and like Hall of Famish. Yes.
Walks around and got an aura to him. Yeah, he's special.
I don't really think like any of that stuff will really bother him. Do you still talk to Peyton at all? Yeah, I talk to Peyton.
I talk to Peyton probably like every four months whenever I see him. Alright, so we need to get you with Peyton and Peyton practicing some handoffs with you.
A little viral video. That's what I'm saying.
I like it. And then everyone says, oh man, Vaughn's looking explosive.
I should get that started. Do a whole Instagram Instagram TV video.
Make it like seven or eight minutes. Yes, Vaughn training to be a running back give Vaughn the ball hashtag give Vaughn the ball so we can get cash you know Peyton he doesn't have any social media so whenever they see him on Instagram or Twitter like those posts go crazy those posts go crazy hashtag give Vaughn the ball I like it oh man do I gotta pay y'all for that too? No, that's part of our deal.

You get our brains here for this.

Do you want to pay us for it?

No, I was good. How much cash do you have? I was just going back over the contract and I was just trying to see if that was in there.

Yeah, no. How much cash you got in there?

I got about $100.

And a firearm. That's a lie.
That was such a lie.

No, for real. I got like $100.

That was such a lie. I don't lie.

That was such a lie. He's opening his.
I got like a hundred bucks. That was such a lie.
I don't lie. Except the quarterback.
Except the his murse. I got.
His man purse. A hundred and thirty dollars.
So you lied. I was a little bit under.
I was a little bit under. All right, Vaughn.
I think that was all my questions and now we're going to get paid. Yeah, we're good.
They should also be able to draft you in fantasy football next year too. I know, right? Since you've stayed your intention of carrying the ball.
They should have them like their own little alternate or something. Yeah.
Wait, I have one last question. SeatGeek question.
Promo code take. Put it in.
You get $10 off. What's the new fashion trend that's coming up? Because I feel like you're always ahead of the curve.
I noticed you stopped. The glasses are a little bit smaller now, not the clear ones.

You're always kind of ahead of it where you got the next fashion.

So what should we be looking for?

Cargo pants?

Honestly, you know, I appreciate all that stuff about fashion and me being fashionable

and stuff, but I really just buy what I like.

Cargo pants?

I'm going to try to bring back cargo pants.

I feel like camo cargo pants. Oh.
Yeah, well, you got to get a Baltimore for that. Yeah.
Huge in Baltimore. Raven's flock.
I noticed that you're hatless now. Is hatless a thing? No, I just was going on the media stuff right here.
I've been traveling around. I was in San Francisco and then I went to New York and I'm going to Orlando and then Miami after the Super Bowl.
So just carrying around big hats is like a hassle. Well, you're invited to our Super Bowl party.
I appreciate it. Where's that? I don't know where it's at, but can I DJ? You could get behind the booth.
Yeah, we'll let you get behind the booth. Y'all let me do like 30 minutes, 20 minutes? Let me open up.
Yeah, why not? Fuck it. It'd be crazy.
I mean, like, Von Miller, Super Bowl. Sure.
MVP, former Super Bowl MVP at the Barstool.

You're going to want to be there anyway.

That'd be crazy.

We have Ruff and Rowdy, so we have the fights.

We have a boxing match, like 13 of those, and then it's a party.

Yeah.

So it's great.

Yeah.

So you'll be a DJ.

I'm serious, though.

Yeah, no, no.

I'm serious, too.

Like, I will make sure you get in Bronc Beach behind the booth for at least 15 minutes.

That's perfect.

I got a 15-minute set.

Easy to go.

Done.

Done.

And you're going to be an offensive player next year.

I'm sorry. Like, I will make sure you get in – Gronk Beach.
Behind the booth for at least 15 minutes. That's perfect.

I got a 15-minute set.

Easy to go.

Done.

Done.

And you're going to be an offensive player next year.

I like it.

This has been a very productive interview.

It has.

I feel like we got a lot of things done.

We both got a lot of things.

We should do them all of them.

Yeah, we're just scheming and planning and doing all this stuff.

We should get a live chicken in here.

Could you help us with that?

I mean, in New York, I'm not sure, like, where live chickens would be. But if we was in Miami.
Do chickens eat mice? Who wins a fight? A New York rat or a chicken? It depends. It's just one-on-one.
Wow, we have a lot of rats in here. Yeah, they're in the open.
There might be. Yeah, there might be.
So in an office environment with hallway, it's like half a dozen rats. I'd say the rats.
Fuck. All right, so it might not be the best environment for a chicken.
But we don't know if it's a rat, though. It could be a mouse.
I feel like a chicken beats a mouse, but a rat beats a chicken. Yeah, if it's a mouse, it's over.
But a rat, especially a New York rat, it's over. What about a cat that we will have? Are cats and chickens, can they be friends? I don't think cats are friends with anybody.
Yeah, that's true. They go crazy on everything.
The devil. Yeah.
All right, so we need to find a bouncer for the chicken to save him against the rats. No, Fox would eat the chicken.
But the chicken would run away from the fox. What about Snake? Would a snake eat a chicken? Yes, Snake would eat a chicken.
You're a snake guy, right? A chicken egg. I'm not sure like a like a whole like chicken i haven't seen it you might just have to move into the barstool headquarters to protect the chicken i am here yeah all right i'm sure i can i'm sure i can write a contract up for that too it would be funny if we just had like a battle royale what can what can survive a new york city rat and just leave different animals in our office? Rat fighting.
And just see how long they can survive.

All right.

Well, Vaughn, thank you so much.

I appreciate you guys.

Appreciate it.

Excited for those thousand bucks.

That's going to be great.

I'm pretty excited about it, too.

Yeah.

It's going to help me out, too.

It's going to be a big moment.

People will be going crazy if you actually score an offensive touchdown and we get paid.

It's going to be great.

And we're going to be rooting for it.

We're going to start a campaign, give Vaughn the ball. Every single week.
I like it. I appreciate it.
I believe you. All right, guys.
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All right, let's do some segments.

Hank, you got some Bachelor Talk for the show that you definitely don't watch?

Sure do.

Not?

No, I sure, yeah, I do have Bachelor Talk for the show I don't watch. But you don't watch it.
Correct. It's how the swan last night, of course.
Pete took the girl, so there's a lot of drama in the house after Champagne Gate. Oh, we didn't even talk about Champagne Gate last night.
Oh, God, we didn't talk about Champagne Gate? A girl had set up Champagne for a date, and then another girl came in and took that Champagne and then took the guy on a date. That was a huge, huge amount of drama.
Wait, she stole her drinks? Yeah, a girl had champagne out and was going to go on a date with Pete and drink it with him, and another girl cucked her, basically, took the champagne, took Pete, and took her idea. What did the first girl do? Did she swing on it? I mean, verbally.
She verbally swung. There's a lot of drama.
You gotta swing on that. That's on sight.
I like that. The house was at end, so the show started with a lot of tension, I heard.
So Pete took the girls on a group date to an underground pillow fight club. Yeah.
Aliyah. Who doesn't go there? Aliyah won the tournament and gets a kiss from Pete.
That's the winner of the tournament, gets a kiss from Pete? Mm-hmm. This show stink.
Sydney then snitched on Aliyah and told Pete that she shows him one side of her and the rest of the girls in the other house another side. What? She's two-faced.
She called her two-faced. Mm-hmm.
This causes all the other girls in the house to have to snitch on Aliyah saying she's fake. Oh.
Which one of these is? The lady doth protest too much. Yeah, who's the one with the burner count? Is it Maddie? Maddie.
Is Maddie still at it with her... You the man, Skip.
Love the new show on FS1. She...
I mean, she had the best date on the show, I heard. Pete doesn't give a lie a rose at the rose ceremony, but tells Chris Hansen right after that he regrets his decision and might bring her back despite all the other girls calling her fake.
Okay. Total hezy hey.
What's the difference between a professional pillow fight and an underground pillow fight? I'm not sure. You actually wear gloves in the underground.
Well, one's sanctioned and one's not. Yeah.
So what's the belt situation like there? You can't get a belt if it's underground. You need to be in a sanctioned pillow fight.
But yeah. If I was watching this show, I'd say Pete's acting like a mopey little bitch.
Who's this Pete guy anyway?

Pete the Pilot.

He's just, he's a little...

I don't like anyone named Pete.

He's like, you know, he's crying over the fact that these girls...

It's like, he's like, he can't handle the drama.

He doesn't want any of the smoke.

But he also signed up to be The Bachelor.

Yeah, I don't like him.

He's not cut out for the bright lights.

Nope.

Also, the girl that I predicted, I haven't seen her since the first episode, so I don't

know how she's doing.

She's laying low.

The Auburn coach. She died.

She's dead? Yep. Can't get fined by the

NCAA. True.
So yeah.

That's it. Auburn coach

for what?

The girl heard... So I thought

her dad was the coach of the women's basketball team

but her dad is actually an assistant coach on the men's

basketball team. Bruce Pearl?

Assistant coach on the men's basketball team.

It would have been cooler if it was Bruce Pearl. So did Bruce Pearl maybe kill this girl? Well, he snitched on whoever did.
That's what I'm saying. Yeah.
So she's been gone. He doesn't do the crime.
He just snitches on people. Right.
Oh, and then in the preview for the next episode, Pete takes a girl to a Chase Rice concert, and then at the date, the girls like me and Chase Rice used to date.

Fuck yes, get it, Chase.

Nice little end on a cliffhanger.

Of course they did.

Alright, we gotta embrace debate.

PFD, you have this embrace debate? Yeah, we're trying to figure out

who the real hot boys are.

Us. Yeah, us.
We'll get to that.

But there's a legal dispute going on

in the NFL right now. Demarcus Lawrence

said that he had trademarked the phrase hot boys for his defensive line mates in Dallas with one Z. Now, the Niners are going to the Super Bowl.
Their defensive line is selling merch that says hot boys with two Zs. Oh, no.
So Demarcus Lawrence is actually, he said, I gave them consistent warnings to stop using the name, according to Jane Slater. All I can say is thank the imposters.
Now y'all work for the real hot boys. To clarify, he's telling me that he is working with attorneys to prevent the use of it by anyone other than the Cowboys Hot Boys.
Wait, doesn't the Z thing resolve them? It's different. Also, it all originates from Lil Wayne and the Hot Boys,

which I'm looking at Wikipedia now, H-O-T-B-O-Y, money sign.

But that's where the inspiration comes from.

Cash Money Records, yeah.

And that started in 1997 in New Orleans.

They took over for the 99-2000s.

Yep.

What is it, King Midas, when they split it in half,

split the baby in half?

What is that?

Solomon's Riddle.

Solomon's Riddle.

They need to do that, where it's like, if you actually want to be called hot boys, you're not the real hot boys. Because a true hot boy knows that other people call hot boys.
That's a good point. Oh, so DeMarcus Lawrence, he's already thrown out.
Right. A real hot boy would settle this and be like, yo.
A real hot boy would get the gat. Guys, don't promote gun violence, please.
But that's a hot boy move. It is a hot boy.
We could. We should just take over hot boys.
We're the hot boys. All right.
With four Z's. Yep.
Four Z's and three money signs. The riddle of Solomon Thomas is what they're calling.
Yeah. Yeah.
Isn't he on the Niners? Yeah, he is. Good joke.
There it is. Thanks, PFT.
These hot boys. The hot boys album are just fantastic.
The block is hot. Chopper city in the Ghetto, Back That Ass Up.
Oh, yeah, all-time album covers from Cash Money Records back then. All right, so we're the real Hot Boys.
Everyone shut the fuck up. LeBron blames his son.
So LeBron blames his son. A new low.
A new low.

Even for LeBron, he has gone as low as possible.

He has blamed his son on his poor performance on Monday night.

What did he actually say?

He said that he was a little out of rhythm because he went and watched his son play basketball

in a tournament in Springfield, Massachusetts, and then came back to play the Celtics that night.

But they set him up to say no.

They're like, did you go into your son's game and affect your play at all? And he could have just been like, no. But he was like, yeah.
He's like, yeah, good point. Yeah, exactly.
He got dunked on too because he can't erase the footage. Usually when LeBron gets dunked on, he has everyone delete it.
Right. He can't erase the footage, so instead he just blames his son.
So he kind of dunked on himself with his answer. Wouldn't you say, though, that he's saying my choice to go visit my son made me play worse? He did the family over everything.
Right. He fucking did the Trump card, which is bullshit.
Also, I saw his son got hit with a starburst in the game, which was assault, but also that kid's got to be psyched to eat something that's not dirt and charcoal and rocks that LeBron always feeds him so he can taste the flavors and wine better. No, you're thinking of LeBron's three-year-old daughter.
That's who he gives the rocks and the wine and all that stuff. Bronnie Jr.
He makes his daughter make food for herself, and she's like three. That's good.
They've got to learn sometime, right? It was an all-time LeBron blames. Every kid, every child has to learn how to microwave saltines with American cheese slices on them.
All he had to say was like, that didn't affect me. I fucked the game up.
Yeah, I had a bad game. And he had to be like, well, yeah, you're right.
He literally heard that. Being a father was more important than not getting dunked on.
This is Ralph Tubo's going down if you keep having sex, buddy. LeBron blames.
Alright, guys on checks, let's finish it up. Sup, guys? What's the age where singing in the shower needs to stop? Like home alone, speaker set, no one's gonna know.
When's it too old for that to still be unacceptable? Never. I feel like singing in the shower starts later on in life, right? I didn't sing in the shower until I was about 20.
Never, ever, ever. Now, if you know someone else is in the apartment, maybe don't go ham, but if you know you're alone and you can sing in the shower, go for it.
Sup, boys, especially Erwyd, commenter, parentheses drug guy. Erwyd was an old message board where people would log on and describe their drug use.
You didn't know about that? No, they would say like, hey, I took... This guy writing in was awesome.
It's actually a very, very common thing. Oh, yeah.
Totally. Erwin is super common.
You guys just don't know your shit when it comes to finding out about the dark web. I'm sorry I'm more educated.
If you type in like acid and side effects... Yeah,'re right my favorite was this one this one dude had a colony of fire ants oh this one dude yeah this one dude a friend of yours had a colony of fire ants that built a nest inside his mr coffee uh-huh and he accidentally made coffee with fire ant poison drank it his face went numb he's like you know what the first thing i'm gonna do is log on to Arrowhead to describe how high I got off accidentally drinking fire ant poison.
Yeah, totally. This guy, whoever wrote this in, that was smart.
I like to sit down in the shower. It makes it easier to shave my legs.
My husband says I shouldn't do that because I might sit on his load and get pregnant. Is this possible? Good looking out.
And can he aim for the drain at least? It's better to do it in the shower than it is to do on the carpet right beside the bed, though. Yes.
Because you're definitely getting some swimmers there. You're sitting in this load.
Also, porcelain. Porcelain, it's too slick.
Nothing sticks to it. It is true.
You all right, Hank? Yeah, I just... What, that fucking just huge joint you ripped? No, I just drank some...
I'm having some soup pft style and I went run down the wrong I'm trying the wrong hole you can't get pregnant if you're pissing right so you can just pee while you're shaving your legs two birds one stone you can't get pregnant while you're pissing what do you mean you have you ever like you can't get actually the at the moment you're peeing you cannot be pregnant get pregnant well it's like it's like blowing on a on a dandelion that's in the seed mode. You get all the stuff away from you.
Right. So if you're pissing, you're telling the sperm move along now.
Yeah, yeah. The sperm can't swim uprooted.
You're not here anymore, yeah. Sup, Dad, Cat, Uncle PFT, and Henry.
My boyfriend and I were chatting the other day, and the topic of boners came up. He goes on to tell me that when he was in high school and would get a boner he'd just flip it into his waistband he then goes to tell me every guy in high school did this trick yeah is this actually something guys do thank you love you absolutely 1000 percent in fact i i did it the other week oh yeah i've got a real problem you're not controllable boners yeah yeah which is remarkable yeah like i usually don't get them high t i only get these random boners, and this might be illuminating to some female listeners.

Boners aren't always sexual.

Sometimes they just happen.

They used to just happen more often when you were in middle school and high school.

I've got a problem.

I usually get boners just riding to the airport.

Yeah, I'm getting uncomfortable.

When I get out of the airport, we've driven to the airport many times together. Hank, when we got out of that car, I had to do the waistband talk.
Damn, dude. No, not the one in Houston.
We go to many airports together. I was too tired.
But yeah, I don't know what that says about me. I enjoy planes.
You're excited about planes. I like air travel.
Okay. What's up, Baycat, Honk, and PF Ween? Honk.
What's that one mean? PF Ween? I got a Weenus. Oh.
So I've been dating my boyfriend for almost two years now. We get along great and starting to get pretty serious.
A few months ago, I moved in with a friend from high school who I consider a close friend. Last weekend when my boyfriend was drunk, he told me he hooked up with my roommate slash friend like seven years ago when we were all in high school he says it's not a big deal because he hooked up with tons of chicks in high school but i can't get this out of my head as the three of us hang out at our apartment all the time am i overreacting or is this a legitimate gripe to have i'd say it's semi-legitimate what his number in high school was man well yeah it man.
Well, yeah. It sounds like you're with, like, Wilt Chamberlain, so just deal with it.
What was your number in high school, Hank? One out of ten. Negative.
One out of ten people that you see on the street, your boyfriend probably fucked. Uh-huh.
Like, that sounds like what that's going on right now. You need, here's what you need to do.
Ask her if she wants to have a threesome as a trap. If she says yes, be like, get out of my house right now.
Get out. If she says no, then if he says no, no, no, no, you say that to her, to the girl.
If she says yes, you kick her out. If she says no, play this part of part of my take for gotcha to prove that you didn't actually want to have the three.
Yes. Got him.
Hey, guys, especially Honk.

Been dating a guy for 10 months now,

and last weekend after we got back from a dinner with his friends...

Whoa.

My computer fell asleep.

After a weekend we got back from a dinner with his friends,

we started to fool around,

and he told me he prefers it

when there's a little bit of funk when he goes down on me.

I told him that will never happen as I am very clean.

I was taken aback, obviously.

How concerned should I be? Should I end things

with him? Thanks, Jenna.

I like a little bit of funk.

I want a thing to say.

Maybe go to the gym

right beforehand? I don't know. I don't know what

to tell you. Go horseback riding

for a couple hours.

Sprint up the stairs instead of taking your time.

We got the funk. Ow! Gotta have that funk.
Yeah, do that. I don't know where that guy's coming from, though.
Uh, maybe... I mean, it's a big wide world out there.
A lot of people have weird shit. There are a lot of fetishes.
Maybe he was just trying to be polite. Maybe his last girl had some funk and he was like, just in case you are self-conscious about your funk, I could be interested.
No, his last girl had some funk. He got addicted to the funk.
Tough to quit funk life. Last one.
Sup, girls. I get an email for an Amazon order today and notice my sister's friend is using my prime to order Avid Love Lingerie Baby Doll Body Suit.
What is my best method of attack with this woman who is 10 years older than me?

Blackmail.

This is prime blackmail material.

Hold it in a file.

Who is she dating right now?

Print it out and file it away.

Was this her sister or her sister-in-law, Hank?

Her sister's friend.

Her sister's friend, yeah.

File it away.

File it away for later.

She might run for president, in which case that is jackpot.

In which case that will not affect her presidential campaign whatsoever. But you can still get money.
Remember when that was a thing? Yeah, just like, well, if that person did a little drugs in college, they'll never be able to run for president. Yeah.
Game has changed. Bernie Sanders smoked marijuana before he became mayor of Burlington, Vermont.
Everyone knew a kid in college who was, like, trying to be president. And was like, no, I won't drink at this kegger.
And it's like, dude, you had no idea what the future was holding where now anyone can be president. I had a friend that definitely cleaned up his Facebook after every single night out.
He would untag himself from stuff. Trying to not be, trying to not, you know.
That's not me. Trying to run for office.
Got to have a pristine record. Got to have nothing.
No skeletons in the closet.

No can.

Scrape me off that flight log with Jeffrey Epstein.

I was not there.

All right.

We'll see everyone on Friday.

We've got a recurring guest on Friday.

See you then.

Love you guys.

Talking away.

I don't know what to say.

Thank you. I'll be coming for your love again.
Take on me. Take on me.
Take on me. Take on me.
Take on me. Needless to say.
I'm upset. It's about to be something Thank you.
At least I'm better to be safe than sorry Take on me Take on me Take on me Take on me Take on me Take on me Take on me Take on me Take on me Take on me you Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I'll be coming for you. Hey, life.
Take me.

Take me.

Take me.

Take me. Take me.

Take me.