Raptors Win The Title, Blues Win The Cup, And Rose Lavelle From The USWNT

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
On today's Pardon My Take, we have two championships to recap. Two! Two championships, back-to-back nights.
We have crowned the NHL and the NBA champions. We personally have crowned them.
We personally have crowned them. And we have U.S.
Women's National Team star Rose Lavelle. When's the next game? That would be Sunday at noon, I believe.
Fuck yes. So we have Rose Lavelle.
Talk to her about playing for the U.S. Women's National Team World Cup Fever.
Catch it. Firefest of the week.
And, of course, license to Jill. Jilly Football is back.
She tells us what she's not mad but disappointed in. It's a packed Friday show.
I don't think we've ever had two championships in one show. I don't think we have either.
So here we go. We're breaking history on today's part of my team.
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Okay, let's go. Boy! Boy! Now in the streets there is violence And then a lot of work to be done No place to hang out or wash in And then I can't blame all on the sun Oh, no.
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Today is Friday, June 14th, and the Toronto Raptors are NBA champions. I think we can actually say world champions for the first time because they are Canadian.
They have stolen our trophy. It'd be a real shame if the Larry O'Brien trophy got held up in customs.
Man, so we're going to get to the Stanley Cup final. Don't worry.
I'm sure there are blues fans who are like, why haven't you talked about that? Well, guess what? We're going from chronological order backwards. So we're starting with what we watched most recently.
The NBA Finals have concluded. It was a wild, weird, so random NBA Finals with all the injuries, the Raptors being in it to begin with.
I don't know where you want to start. I mean, let's start.
I think the big story, and people, our Canadian listeners, will be upset, but I think if you want to tell the story of this series, you have to talk about the injuries first. Okay.
It kind of sucks because it was a major storyline. Obviously, Kevin Durant being out and then Clay Thompson with the MCL willing himself back on to take his free throws.
And then he went to the locker room, had a little Colt McCoy father-son moment, and they said, we're not going to let you play. Probably the Warriors staff.
Probably the medical staff. The right call.
They didn't want to fuck another thing. They were like, well, here's the best part.
They got down to the point where their best player out on the court, their most reliable finals player besides Steph Curry was Sean Livingston and we know about his iron knees. I'd say Draymond Green.
We know that his knees are just fantastic. Andre Modala.
Boogie Cousins was... Speaking of...
Yeah. Speaking of...
That was just a Sean Livingston knee joke. Yeah, but speaking of AI, Iggy, and of Draymond, when they were shooting their three-pointers tonight, they looked like they would rather be anywhere else in the world.
Well, yeah, they can't shoot anymore. So, all right, so I want to...
If we're going to talk about the injuries first, I want to read you something, okay? Yeah. You can tell me who said it and when they said it.
Okay. I apologize for us being healthy.
I apologize for us playing who was in front of us. I apologize for all the accolades we received as a team and individually.
I'm very truly sorry and will rectify that situation this year. Hmm.
Hmm. Would that be Steph Curry? Steph Curry, 2015, after winning the title.
He said it actually in the fall, so there you go. That's when Kyrie's knee exploded, right? Kyrie and Kevin Love didn't play in the finals.
Injuries happen. I'm not saying that the Warriors, with Kevin Durant and Klay Thompson, they'll probably win that series.
That's pretty apparent, but injuries happen. Kawhi hurt his ankle when, what's his name? Zaza.
Zaza ran underneath him. Chris Paul got hurt in the Rocket Series last year that went seven games.
Injuries happen. They help you.
They hurt you. If you're going to complain about it now, you then have to go back to Steph Curry saying, I apologize for playing the team in front of us and being healthy.
Because guess what? Being healthy is part of it, and there's nothing you can do. So the Raptors deserve everything they got.
They are willing NBA champions. And I hate when people do the asterisks.
Being healthy is part of winning an NBA championship. It is.
But I was saying the story of tonight was probably No, I know people are going to do that. They're going to do that.
They will do that. And to take nothing away from Kly.
But it's just funny, Steph did the same thing. Well, let's talk about Steph because Steph had a charley horse tonight.
He did. So he was injured.
So that's another major asterisk. Bad shooting night for Steph.
I think he was 6 for 17. I don't blame him because, like you said, the best player.
Like, no one out there wanted to shoot. He had all the focus of the Raptors' defense.
It was essentially like when they already had just clay, it was hard enough because you exactly nailed it. I mean, Draymond and Iggy do not want to shoot three-pointers.
Draymond at least tried to shoot them tonight. You know what they looked like? Have you ever been to the ocean and you have to go in and pee but the water's really cold but you got to do it anyways and you're just about to take that first dive you're like i guess i got to do this that's what they looked like every time they were shooting a three-pointer yes so and then speaking of role players and draymond actually had i think he had 19 rebounds holy shit he had 19 rebounds 13 assists and 11 points.
So he played pretty well. But the role players for the Raptors, Fred Van Vliet, or as Jeff Van Gundy kept on saying, Fred Van Vliet.
Unreal. Nelly.
So good. Yeah, Nelly with the Band-Aid.
So good. Hubie Brown, his old ass voted him for MVP of the NBA Finals.
I like that. The only one.
Kawhi was going to get a unanimous MVP vote, and Hubie was like, wait, is this a vote for the whole series or just tonight? Because Fred Van Vliet was unbelievable and hit shot after shot. And Kyle Lowry, who I think everyone has trashed on Kyle Lowry in the past, he was unbelievable too.
He basically came out. I think he hit, like, his first four shots.
He was on fire. So, I mean, the Raptors were – I just don't want to do the thing where we take away from the Raptors because the Warriors, everyone gets injuries, and everyone has to deal with injuries, and the Warriors had an unbelievable run.
They almost won tonight, too. Yeah, they did.
They could have won at the end. They had the shot from Steph Curry.
That stat came up saying that Steph Curry is 0 for 7 in lead-changing shot opportunities

in the last minute of a game in the playoffs.

But that's kind of a misleading stat because in the amount of playoff games he's played,

there have only been seven times that he's had the opportunity to take the lead on the last.

So, yeah, he's just really fucking good the rest of the game.

Right.

And this is the funniest thing that we do with sports. sports fans.
We wait until a team loses to start like heaping the praise on them and being like, you know what? The Warriors were the better team, but they had the injuries and like the words have had an unbelievable run. They've been incredible.
They've won three out of the four. They've, you know, the 73 win season obviously didn't end in a title, but they've had this like historic run and everyone threw shots at them the charles barkley you know jump shot teams can't win a title and then we wait till they lose to be like the warriors are so fucking good they would have won this title they were great we always do this yeah so stupid as sports no you're definitely right it's like now that they've officially lost it's like shit we uh we should have appreciated them for granted didn't we well now you know what we get to do we get to start the narrative of were the warriors a dynasty were they a true dynasty i count anything three and four i think yes i'd say three out of four absolutely three out of five is when you really start to have the conversation three and also three out of four and five straight finals yes so but also does this diminish uh diminish LeBron James' earlier victory over the Warriors? Because now Kawhi went ahead and he did too.
It's true. It's a good question.
And is the true dynasty Patrick McCaw, who now has a three-peat. So he won with the Warriors the last two years, and now he won with the Raptors tonight.
I like that. So he has his own personal three-peat.
I like that. You try to guess who said this about Kawhi Leonard.
You ready? Okay, yes. I still can't figure out how No.
2 won his first finals MVP. We're not even talking about tonight, okay? His first finals MVP.
He wasn't the Spurs' leading scorer in that finals. Tony Parker was.
No. 2 was the third leading rebounder.
Duncan averaged 15- number two is third and plus minus manu was first

number two held lebron to 28 again mvp question question question fuck steph is that bitter that was also steph yeah it was uh our friend skip bail is number two the number two um yeah people are i mean you can't take anything away from kawaii i think kawaii now, this conversation has already happened, but he is now officially the best trade ever for a one-year guy. Like, not talking about career-wise, because I'm sure you can find trades that, you know, ended up working better career-wise, but going all in for one year and being like, let's just do it.
Let's have Kawhi come to Toronto. He might not stay.
He probably still won't stay, which is going to be hilarious if he doesn't, and just throw all of our chips in the middle, and it worked out. There's never been a trade like that that has worked so perfectly like this one, and now everyone's going to try to do this.
Everyone's going to talk themselves into like, ooh, Anthony Davis for one year. The Knicks are going to give everything for Anthony Davis and just put him out there with no one.
This does change the rent-a-player concept. Yeah.
Like, it worked for this one team, so everyone's going to go on. I agree with that.
You know, if it does work, it's awesome. It's perfect.
Yes. Because I guarantee you every Raptors fan out there would absolutely trade like one year of giving up all these assets for this one title.
Flags fly forever. Yeah, that's right.
As a Capitals fan, I know. Flags fly forever.
DeMar DeRozan is sitting in San Antonio right now, and man, that sucks. That is – That's really all I got to say.
You got the churros, and you got the chips. You got the chips.
And Spurs fans in general, like, you have to think, like, holy shit. Kawhi Leonard, who now everyone is going to – because this is what we also do, especially with Kevin Durant getting injured.
But whoever wins the title is the best player in the world, and so Kawhi will be the best player in the world for at least a year, and Spurs fans get to be like, oh, damn, that was our guy. And guess what? There is no offseason at all in the NBA? Nope.
Because as soon as they were handing out the Larry O'Brien trophy, as the microphone is being handed to the general manager of the Raptors, Messiah Rigi, Woj dropped the Woj bomb. Perfect timing by Woj.
Yep. Can't let the guy have his moment.
Boom, the Washington Wizards are going to make a godfather offer, which means everyone's going to get killed. Yeah.
And they're going to try to get him to the Wizards. And I don't know.
The Wizards. Wait, who's trying to get him to the Wizards? Who are they trying to get? They're trying to get the general manager.
Oh. Messiah Regi.
Oh, got it, got it, got it. So they're trying to get him to the Wizards to rebuild the team.
The guy who just won a title and they're like, he's in the middle of champagne and everything. Well, yeah.
The Wizards, say what you want about the franchise, but they could use somebody that knows how to get their opponents all injured instead of their current players. So it might work.
I thought the Wizards were going to make a godfather offer for Kevin Durant and be like the all-injured team and just be like, let's just play for 2021 or whatever the fuck. Just have him and John Wall rehab together all year.
Become best of friends. So that sucks, by the way.
That was another thing that happened. Kevin Durant is confirmed, torn Achilles, and he's going to be out for basically all i think all next year right yeah that's what they said like there's not yeah so it's a nine month injury which doesn't mean he's going to be out for all next year but everyone's saying as a pregnancy yeah he's gonna be all out next year uh that was a little thing with the i don't this might be me being too woke but when when clay thom Thompson gets hurt and he goes back in the locker room and he's running around like he looks like he can come back in do you think there's a little bit of the Warriors they're like wait Clay is the guy that we're gonna sign to a max deal he's staying Kevin Durant was leaving no matter what or as we as far as we know yeah Kevin Durant is not our problem injured or healthy Klay Thompson injured like they probably sat there and they said if Klay Thompson gets re-injured and tears his ACL this is not losing this year this is losing next year I don't know if it was as much that as it was just like we can't let this happen twice in a row it's like fool me once shame on you fool we can't get fooled again yeah but it is a little bit of it there's a little bit of it where it's like, yeah, this is the guy that's supposed to be on the team next year, so we have to protect him.
Kevin Durant, who knows what his future is going to be. Yeah, I don't know if it was as much that as it was just like, we'll be extra careful this time.
So Jurassic Park, no longer the factory of sadness there. Drake curse.
Drake curse over.

Damn.

I didn't even think about that. That's a real shame.

These guys right after the Raptors.

One, you were in the other room.

But Liam and Hank just started talking to each other.

Like, do you think we're going to get some new Drake?

The new Drake's going to be fire.

No.

I've never felt.

We better get some new Drake.

I've never felt older.

I was just like, this is what we're talking about?

I'm trying to laugh at Kawhi not smiling here.

Yeah.

I hope that there will be a new Drake just so we'll have something to talk about. Yeah, we should name the song Jurassic Park.
That's not bad. And sample the music.
That would be really good. And the Kawhi laugh.
That's good, too. The little beat right there.
Yeah, when the spitting dinosaur opens up its things, it's just the Kawhi. I, I never saw it.
Nick Nurse's buttons almost popped. I wrote that down.
Okay. That was a...
Shout out Nick Nurse, man. Worst name ever for a coach.
Wears the NN hat. Has his bottom button almost burst.
Calls a terrible timeout in game five. Wins a title.
That's a hell of a run. Listen, I like Nick Nurse he's like he's a glow up joe pronte and and he was able to get it done and he's i mean he's got to be fucking pumped tonight this is as good as life's gonna get for a guy named nick nurse yeah so now raptors fans uh i don't know you're gonna be annoying we're gonna probably hate you soon enough but yeah we enjoy it we turn on everyone yeah yeah.
Have fun. I mean, this was I'm not taking anything away from the Raptors.
The Kawhi also first player in NBA history to win finals MVP in both conferences. That's kind of a cool stat.
Well, the first one he shouldn't have won. We already established that.
Yeah, that's true. That is one and a half.
Yeah. Now and the Oracle is closed.
That's too bad. The Oracle is done.
By the way, that was kind of weird. When they had like the Kevin Durant, like win one for Kevin and all the KD things, like he didn't die.
Right. It's always weird when we do these things with the injuries.
He's also leaving. He's also probably leaving.
Yeah. And he did put his heart on the line and his leg leg on the line for the team and maybe if they had that attitude like beforehand he just wouldn't have played and got hurt again right but just there you go win one for kevin is like did he die like it was like this big graphic they put up on the jumbotron it just felt a little weird it did it was like they they jumped into the kd strong thing a little too quickly right yes yeah so uh Heed into it.
Shame on the Warriors for having too many players with legs. Yeah.
And FDR was in a wheelchair and he won World War II. True.
And then we get Kevin Durant. His legacy is now supplanted there by basically being like it was his team all along.
That's true. Not Steph's team.
Even though Steph had no help at the end. But still.
I made one note here. I loved watching Boogie towards the end of the game.
he was just rumbling, stumbling, bumbling. He was just throwing his body around.
You know what I noticed about him in the fourth quarter? Boogie gets so tired that when there's a pass coming into him, he's so late getting his arms up. His arms are tired.
It's like, have you ever been hanging out at a house or something and you've got your hands down your pants and someone tosses you a beer and, like, stuck reaching up to grab it. It's a very unique situation.
Of course. That's what it looked like when he was trying to grab a ball that was being, like, thrown into the key.
Very specific. What's happened to me a lot.
Jack-off parties? Yeah. You're just at the Rain City Jacks in Seattle, and some dude's like, here, dude, Zima.
And you're like, fuck, got to pull my hand out. Listen, it happens a lot happens a lot you gotta make adjustments on the go you could just say he was winded he he them running zone in the first half was ridiculous like so funny because of boogie and then he was he was at the situation where every time he caught it down low he just turned around and tried to barrel through people yeah he like someone if if that was a pickup game someone would be like dude we're not trying to get injured here right just stop throwing your weight around all the time on every play and it wasn't malicious it was just what like when big guys get tired they get sloppy yep and that's what happened with bogey yeah they should have put uh bogut in bogut didn't get any minutes night yeah bogut i mean he's another one where it's like this is it's so funny watching the nba now all tall guys are like you throw them in there and they're like well that guy's gonna get fucked on the pick and roll yeah when you look at the Warriors they've succeeded by zigging while everybody else zags all the time they basically changed how the game of basketball is played in the NBA I expected Steve Kerr to just be like you know what fuck it let's go big let's get Boogie in there let's get bogey i call him jj reddit yeah just get everyone in there yeah just throw post possessions exactly make sure everyone gets a touch little kick get the hook shot back i that would have been a nice little i mean they really had no answers because how what do you do when you lose everyone and steph curry has to dribble around and he's got a dislocated finger and he's got the thigh contusion.
Did you see the stat that he's like 0 for 20, though, for go-ahead or game-winning shots in the fourth quarter? Yeah, I heard that about five minutes ago on this show. It was 0 for 7.
But that's okay. Yeah, no, the Steph haters will definitely be out.
Again, we're going to do the reverse. The pendulum just swings back and forth.
It's so stupid. Everyone, you know, and myself included, I hated that.
You know, I would throw stones at Steph and do the whole thing. And now I'm like, man, I respect his greatness.
Yeah. So enjoy it.
Enjoy it tonight, Canada. We're not going to bust her, but we're not going to turn on you yet.
Yeah. You guys already have done enough self-harm.
We will. With your hating of U.S.
women's national team and all that stuff. Speaking of which, coming up, Rose Lavelle.
Barstoolgold.com slash PMT if you want to watch it. If you want to watch it.
Yeah, and we have a new episode of the extra, the bonus episode. Yes.
Came out two days ago, and it's with the head groundskeeper of Fenway Park. It was an awesome interview.
And his dog. Crazy story.
Crazy story. Guy got hit by a car three times.
All right. Let talk about stanley cup final hank running out of time would you like to start so would you were there i was there i was in the barn thank you uh i was in the barn shout out to harry listener for inviting me it was an unreal atmosphere once in a lifetime opportunity the second goal that they scored at the end of the first period that was basically the game there is nothing more crushing in playoff hockey than giving up goals in the final minute of a period and as a person who is admittedly not a hockey fan when i am like pointing something out being like what are you doing what are you doing no no no and they scored it's like that that must be really bad and obviously it was it was it was brutal because they scored with under 10 seconds left, and I know the 2-0 leads the worst lead in hockey, but the game was basically over.
The Bruins should have scored. Letting up two goals out of four shots is just deflating.
Craziest stat would have been if you guys had won, if the Bruins had won that game, that would have meant that the Patriots would have had the least amount of championships of any Boston team so spin zone Patriots are still not the worst team in Boston history the the fact that so we just had the Raptors win with the Kawhi trade and go from like a joke of a franchise where everyone laughed about them getting bounced every year I wish an NBA title and then we had the Blues who had never won a Stanley Cup And I don't like the Blues, but I'm going to give them some credit here because the fact that they went from the worst team in the NHL January 2nd to winning the Stanley Cup is insane. That's an insane run.
Binnington was insane. Like, that whole thing is just crazy that they were able to put that together and have that type of run and then win.
Did they win three games on the road? Yeah. Yeah, they won three games on the road in the Stanley Cup final.
I mean, they were as impressive as impressive gets. And Hank, do we have a soggy sorrows? Yeah, I mean, it's not much.
It's just me taking – there was a security guard. I had like a beer.
I was going to go full soggy, but he was like – he saw what I was doing. I asked someone to film me, and he was like, don't do it.

Don't do it.

So I kind of just had to do the PFT Soggy Sorrows.

Wait.

It's not great.

What do you mean it's not great?

The PFT Soggy Sorrows was amazing.

It was amazing.

I gave full credit for it.

So I was standing by the glass, and I was like, all right.

I gave the guy my phone, and the security guard saw me

and kind of picked up on the situation.

I was like, don't pour that on your head.

He just didn't want to say you waste beer. Yeah.
Yeah. So great so do you have it can we play it can we play it i mean it's just me pouring beer on my head but sure did you talk during it not really so what our whole direction was make sure you talk into a video camera right after i mean the silent soggy sorrows that that also conveys an emotion Play it into the mic.
I feel like we're back there. That's it? That was it? Hey, don't pour that kid.
Hey. Hey, you got it.
Is that Mick Oltra? Did you say anything? Don't you dare do it. No.
Henry. Let me see it.
Turn around. This is the worst.
Oh, you actually did pour a little on your head. You looked like a marathoner just like tossing a cup of Gatorade in your face.
Hank, I want to talk to you real quick, though, because you did say that you stayed and watched, and you said the Stanley Cup presentation is the coolest thing ever. It was nice.
I mean, they literally had the red carpet, the music. They play up the dramatics of it.
It was a very – I took some pictures where it's like, these are great pictures that I just don't want, but they're awesome pictures. Like, it was a very – it was one of those things where, like, this is cool.
I got you. Yeah.
You don't – you're not happy, but you're like – Your inner sports fan takes over, and you're like, fuck. Yeah.
Like, I'm seeing the Stanley Cup in person. And the way they do the dramatics where it's like the slow walk out and then they finally give it and everyone just goes nuts what i really appreciate is boston's commitment to booing commissioners because when bettman came out there to present the trophy they let him fucking have i know i'm admittedly a little bit behind on why everybody oh they always boo him so hard but it was like a roger goodell type yeah it's one of one of my favorite things every year is Batman getting booed to, like, just as hard, as hard as possible.
First of all, we should make sure that we credit the St. Louis Dispatch because they reported this first.
Yes, they did have this all first. That's true.
That is true. They did have the Blues winning the Cup, like, a week ago.
The Stanley Cup presentation and, like, the trophy and how they, you know, skate around, it is the best in sports. That is the best celebration in sports.
And they always do. And Doc Emmerich always does an awesome job where he just has little tidbits.
He's like, and here comes this guy. His dad taught him how to play hockey on the lakes of Alberta.
And then his mom drove a truck every single night so that he could afford pads. Yeah.
And he's lifting this cup for these people. How about Adam Silver kind of taking that this year though and tying it all into Canada? Yeah.
Saying that the first NBA championship was won by a Canadian team. Really? And it was invented by a Canadian.
Oh yeah, that's true. Trying to make the global game.
Yep. I forgot that it wasn't meant to buy a Canadian.
So, Hank, overall, pretty shitty time? I mean, I don't really know. I mean, talk about the worst soggy sorrows was waking up.
It was my birthday. I was like, damn, I got to go all the way back to work.
I'm kind of hung over. I had to get on a train.
It's fucking pouring rain. This would be a million times better if the Bruins won.
Also, last two games of the Garden I've been to was Game 7 against the Cavs when Celtics lost, and Game 7, Stanley Cup Finals. Now, did you...
What is that noise? The cleaning people are here. So it's like 1 in the morning.
Sorry, the cleaning people are here. Yeah, so the Blues, I hate you, but you deserved it.
It was a hell of a fucking win. And you know what? I would rather see a team that has never won a title get their first because that's always a little bit special, right? Just like seeing the Raptors win one, seeing the Blues win one.
If I have to choose between the two. I was rooting for the Bruins just for Hank because I like a happy Hank.
A happy Hank is a good Hank to be around. Too happy is a little dangerous.
And it was his birthday. I like overconfident, cocky Hank because then you can kind of...
You like ultra sunrise monster energy Hank? Yeah, because he overextends himself sometimes, and you can take advantage of that on the other side. Also, the worst part was that the Bruins never had a chance.
It was never. There was like in the first period, they had a few chances where they should have scored and people were going nuts.
But after they went down to nothing, the whole building, like you could just feel the anxiety. There was never any like really like let's get behind them and hopefully we can score one and win it was just like oh shit like yeah we're behind the bruns time's going down the first period was was like i said those get living giving up a goal under a minute to go and playoff hockey is the worst feeling in the world but on top of that having a team uh score more than you but you out shoot them 2-1 and dominate the action.
It's like 5-1. You just know bad shit's going to happen.
By the way, you mentioned first team to ever win. Shout out Rich Eisen because he put together a list.
We've had a hell of a run this past decade. The Kings won their cup ever the caps won their first cup ever the blues won their first cup ever uh the mavericks won their first title ever the calves won their first title ever the raptors won their first title ever and uh there was another one oh well we had obviously like a bunch of baseball stuff you know with the cubs obviously winning and then the giants breaking breaking a long time thing and and so Falcons wonder oh no no okay that was really mean um you know what I'm really you know the narrative I'm gonna go with like I don't care that the Caps lost this year the Caps are the new Giants so we got the even every two years even your bullshit is now the cat what is he's gonna play forever uh probably I mean well there's I can take solace in the fact that whatever the Blues do with the Stanley Cup, it's not going to touch the Caps celebration last year.
Although I did see some citizens of St. Louis trying to push over the arch.
Yeah, that was actually kind of funny. That was pretty cool.
That was pretty funny. You guys can do it.
It was the other part of the Seahawks' first title ever, Eagles' first in 57 years, Astros' first title ever. Yeah.
I mean, it's decade for uh teams kind of breaking the popping that curse or popping the cherry it is it is cool to watch those teams do that even though I hate the blues all right that was really nice of me I thought I was very uh mature that was good you know what it is it's just like seeing the majesty of the Stanley Cup kind of brings out the best in all of this it's that and also also the Cubs winning in 2016 changes the dynamic of like, it's kind of just the reverse. Like the Blues had never won one, so it's just like now everything's kind of even.
It was a great handshake line too. It was.
Amazing. Fantastic.
The start of it, it was Chara and who shook his hand first? Ryan O'Reilly. That handshake lasted for at least three patinos.
You could. Yeah, feel it.
Players swear on the hot mic at the end.

Oh, yeah.

And Ryan O'Reilly saying, oops, sorry.

Right.

Like instantly after.

Yeah.

There was a lot of F bombs.

Hopefully people weren't listening.

So, yeah, we don't do it at home.

We're in the show.

Yeah.

Fuck shit.

Motherfucker.

Fuck.

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay.

Hey, fuck you. Hey, let's do our fire fest of the week.
Shit. Motherfucker.
Fuck yeah. Fuck hey.
Okay. Hey, fuck you, hey.
Let's do our Fyre Fest of the week. Hank.
Okay. I mean, I feel like that whole situation was basically a Fyre Fest, but to add another one, I'm looking for new apartments and shit.
I found a place online, saw it, liked it, put a down payment on it, and then after going through all the paperwork and shit,

the person who I was dealing with was like,

oh, by the way, there's a broker's fee.

It's going to be like fucking a shitload more money.

That's how they get you.

So I'm not going to the apartment.

Yeah.

I don't know how anybody moves.

Oh, you're not?

No, I don't know.

You were going to be buddies with PFT.

That was actually...

Turns out Hank didn't know the geography of New York.

Nope.

PFT didn't know the geography.

No.

He was like, I'm going to move into geography.

He goes, I'm going to move in. You got a geography off? He goes I'm going to move into right next to your favorite wing place and I was like oh that's awesome and then he's like yeah it's going to be great I can see the water and I was like well no you can't see water from my wing place.
You mean the toilet when I puke after I eat too many wings? There's a second wing place that's like a mile south. Same name.
So Hank would have been down

in the financial district just moving

and shaking with all the Wall Street guys. You just

grab those big balls

and just take New York by storm?

But not anymore. So what are you

going to do? Greed is good, Hank. I don't know.
Figure it out.

Fuck, man. I have to

August, but... Okay.

Brokerage fees are a fire fest.

Saying you have to August

makes me nervous. Hank, if it's a fire fest...

That doesn't...

Thank you. august but okay yeah brokerage fees are a fire that's all right you have till august makes me hank if it's a fire fest that doesn't you're gonna be living on long island in august i mean we got a couch in here you just been like i got this august if it's a fire fest you could always just be like andy and just be doing you know willing to do whatever it takes to waive those brokerage fees yeah that's true i mean if this is if this is a month from now that might broker trees do suck you got to find a building that doesn't have those it was also that's what i thought i was doing and it was at the very end of the process where the guy was like oh by the way like there's a 15 brokerage fee and i was like oh that's why it was so cheap that's why you motherfucker yeah you should just buy a house that way you don't have to pay for it you should just offer them You should actually just bring us to the negotiation out of the deal.
No big deal. We'd just be like, hey, how about instead of that brokerage fee, $300 cash.
Boom. People always take cash over anything else.
If you say cash, like, if you just say it really forcefully, hey, Hank, brokerage fee, or how about I give you $50 cash? Isn't it just New York that does brokerage fees, though like that's what i don't understand yeah i literally walked me into apartment was like hey this is a living room this is the bedroom all right you like it see you later right what is the fee for i think that producers should pay for their own fucking apartment yeah but yeah most places the the owner pays the broker no no it's it's a little bit of both but do is on, like, the Craigslist ads and the apartment hunting ads, they say no brokerage fee. They just click the option for no brokerage fee, and then you meet them, then you like the place.
And they're like, by the way, there's a huge fucking brokerage fee, bitch. Yeah.
Pay me. That sucks.
Or, Hank, how about we do this? We set up one of those giant inflatable scabby the rat things that they use for strikes and union protests. And we just tell the guy, we're going to put this outside the building unless you let my man hang out.
Oh, there's been one down the street from me recently, and there was a big fucking union brawl. Yeah.
It was awesome. Is Steven Crowder there getting punched in the face again? No.
Fuck that guy. PFT, why don't you go? My personal fire fest of the week is that Mike Allstott, one of my heroes, all-time fullback, I think I had him listed as number one fullback of all time on my power ranking list.
As you should have. Is a sellout.
Uh-oh. He's a fullback sellout.
So The Athletic wrote a big piece about the dying position of the fullback, which is actually not true because it's made a comeback the last couple years kind of. And they interviewed interviewed all start he's a high school coach and he doesn't use a fullback what his offense that motherfucker does not use a fullback i was wondering where this was going and that is truly shocking it's it's like i thought that is i thought you were gonna say like mike allstott lost 100 pounds or something no super that.
My only theory, I have two theories of maybe why he's doing this. They're like an internal spin zone in my mind.
One, he doesn't want anybody to be a better fullback than him. Fact.
So he doesn't want to coach anybody up too high. Yep.
Number two, maybe it's like you're not allowed to throw a curveball in Little League. You got to wait until your elbow develops.
Maybe he's like, I have to wait until my player's intangibles develop until I can allow them to play fullback. Yeah, or a third one could be maybe he's just trying to make it as difficult as possible for him to coach football.
Like, hey, I want to coach on a curve here, not using the most important position in the world. That's a good point.
Basically, I'm going to fight you guys with one hand tied behind my back. He's being a fullback of a coach by not having a fullback on a seat.
That's a good spin zone, too. Yeah.
But I'm not happy about it. That's brutal.
It is. I actually feel really bad for you.
I think fullbacks are being more and more encouraged to become more glamorous positions these days, like general manager or holdback coach. Yeah.
No, it's true. The holdback coach.
That is a fullback. How the whole back coach killed the fullback.

Yeah,

that is this definitely an article coming.

Absolutely.

By you probably.

Yes, I think I might just go ahead and write that.

But yeah,

fuck my calls.

I don't want to say fuck.

Don't say it.

Don't go that far.

You can always.

We'll smooth it over.

Mike,

let's talk.

Yeah,

it's you guys are just going through some things.

We're going through a rough patch right now.

You're sleeping. You're you're sleeping on work.
Dunn couch. That's fine.
Right now. Okay.
That's fine. All right.
My personal fire fest. Have you guys heard of this thing called, you probably have because I'm very late to it, but I think it's pronounced Acai bowls.
S-I-E bowls. Okay.
So I found out about them. They're awesome.
It's basically ice cream. But then I found out they make you fat.
Yeah. So that's how they get you.
So yeah, sounds very. I ate like six of them in the last probably seven days.
And I was like, this is sick. This is so good.
It tastes. I would eat a whole meal.
Then I'd eat my acai bowl for my little dessert and be like well it's got strawberries it's not ice cream it's great boom turns out it basically is ice cream they're labeled as superfood yeah but i think you have to eat like one and a half of them like one and a half berries and then that's good for you but what they do is they just make it like this big paste yes they include it's ice cream yeah with a bunch of honey and syrup and bananas and yeah i should have I should have been tipped off when the chocolate came in. But it is one of those things where if you buy, like, if they fancy up, like, a French fry place and they make you think that it's not, like, a McDonald's, you'll go into it and say to yourself, this is actually great for me.
This is superfood, like you said. So I got tricked.
I thought I had cracked the code. I thought I had found something that I could eat in replacement of ice cream because I eat a lot of ice cream.
Turns out I'm wrong. So that's my personal fire.
You know what they do in those those restaurants that serve bowls is they just have everybody that works there look like a yoga instructor. Yeah.
And then if they if everybody's serving, it looks healthy. Then you're like, oh, yeah, then I'll look like that if I eat enough of this because this is what they eat.
They're playing that music that you hear when you go to a spa. You know, the little bit of the...
Yeah, the ambient sound. It's ambient slash jazz slash windpipe thing that's going on.
Yeah, they'll mix in an acoustic Jackson Brown song once an hour. Yeah, you just feel good going in.
And then, yeah, you're right. Everyone's wearing the Lululemon.
And you're like, damn, these people are fit. It's acai time, baby.
Yeah. And then you just walk out of there and you realize that you're just eating like 1,500 calories for my dessert again, not my actual meal.
I think you're supposed to eat it as a meal, not as a dessert. You can also spin it to be like, oh, it's a good breakfast food because it jumpstarts your metabolism.

That's every time I eat something really shitty for breakfast.

Like this morning I had three donuts, and my rationalization was it's early in the morning,

so I'm kicking that metabolism into high gear by spiking my blood sugar.

You're supposed to eat all your calories in the morning.

That's right.

So I tried to do that, but then I just ate more of all my calories throughout the entire day. Your reasoning was right.
It was sound. Thank you.
It was sound. Quick update.
Drake has announced he's putting out a song tomorrow called Omerta, Money in the Grave featuring Rick Ross. Great.
So was it made for the Raptors? Yeah, probably. I mean, Omerta.
I'm not a... Omerta is theian code for uh for silence not latino it's the thing that big pussy broke and then he got shot on the boat yeah yeah it doesn't even flinch anymore you got to that part what the hell it means stop snitching Yeah So you're good Okay Yeah That was actually the worst death for me Pussy Really Yeah You don't fuck anymore Well no then all the other ones like Ha That was a good one That was a layup Yeah all the other ones That one really threw Hank off Yeah all the other ones that we told you weren't as impactful.
Yeah, well, then I stopped watching. Okay.
All right, let's get to our interview with Rose Lavelle, U.S. women's soccer team star.
She scored two? She scored two. Two goals against Thailand? Yeah.
Which actually, adjusted for inflation, is not that many goals. But still, she's a star.
I want to clear that up real quick because many people are saying

that we shouldn't have scored that many goals.

The first tiebreaker is goal differential.

Yeah, exactly.

So if we lose to Chile by 15 goals, then we're fucked.

Yeah.

Well, no, because we scored 13 against Thailand.

Maybe.

Yeah.

But it's just good that we scored a Baker's dozen.

We're going to get right back to the show.

To realize the future America needs, we understand what's needed from us to face each threat head on. We've earned our place in the fight for our nation's future.
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All right. Back to part of my take.
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Okay, here she is, U.S. Women's National Team Superstar Rose Lavelle.
Okay, we now welcome on a very special guest, member of the U.S. Women's National Team who's going to be playing in the World Cup this summer.
It's Rose Lavelle, also number 10. Does that mean you're the best player on the team? I'm actually not number 10.
Oh, wow. Bad research.
Your Wikipedia's wrong. You're number 10 on the Washington Spirit.
I don't know. There you go.
Let me rephrase it. Do you aspire to someday be number 10 on the U.S.
women's team? I think there's a long line of people who want it before me who will get it before me. Yeah.
But I do love the number. Yeah.
I mean, that's like that's the goal scorers number, right? I know we're limited soccer knowledge. I own a team.
But other than that, I own Swansea. No big deal.
They were in the EPL. Yeah.
No longer. But number 10 is a big deal yeah i i love the number it's messi's number okay 10 and said oh who's the goat yeah we i wrote that down too no actually it's me and ham i was asking about the women's national team so yeah our acres who is it i was obsessed with me and ham that was my that was my idol the whole world was yeah yeah uh so wait we we were gonna get to that but let's just do it right now you you're firmly messy versus ronaldo messy yeah i'm a messy fan okay good because we are too we're a messy podcast okay good yeah i'm glad you guys brought me in today yes absolutely um i was reviewing your social media before you came in you have a good account good clean twitter account.
You have a very nice bulldog. She's a thick little chunk girl, huh? She's actually very slender.
Oh, has she lost weight? Because I know that you had her on a weight loss journey. I did have her on a weight loss journey, but she has slimmed down.
Her physique is like unreal now. Yeah.
Is she going to make the trip over to France? Unfortunately not. Yeah, no.
I actually also went through your Twitter and I noticed a very problematic tweet about your bulldog. You said, still cannot believe I have the world's cutest dog.
Yeah. I'd actually say I have the world's cutest dog.
That's weird because I actually have the world's cutest dog. It seems like you're excluding a lot of people when you say something like that.
Just be careful with Twitter these days.

You know, people find problematic things in everything.

Yeah, no, I actually have found it very problematic seeing people say that they have the World T-Series.

Yeah, exactly.

Exactly.

Because I do.

Yeah.

All right, let's talk some soccer.

First question, are you guys going to win the World Cup?

Well, that's the plan.

Okay.

Guarantee it so that we get headlines.

Yeah.

I don't want to jinx anything. Okay, all right, all right.
Fine, fine, fine. But that's the plan.
You're guaranteeing it's the plan to win the World Cup? Yes. Would you rather win a World Cup or a gold medal in the Olympics? Well, I'm going to say a World Cup right now because it's about a month away.
Yes. Okay.
Are you guys in the group of death? Actually, not this year. Okay.
I feel like the U.S. always draws the group of death.
I feel with like the youth teams every time like all across every age group we draw the group of death but um no i i don't think we have it this year so this year it's uh your group is usa i said i should say our group because we are americans as well thailand chile sweden thailand as hank would say who's the best out of that group besides you guys obviously yes um sweden they actually usually like u.s has drawn them a lot in the groups and um that's who knocked us out when um we were in the olympics um so i would say that they're gonna be they're probably gonna be the toughest one but i feel like you can't sleep on any team when guys, so I'm always curious about this. Like a team, US is obviously, the women's team is very, very good.
You guys, I feel like you win the World Cup every single year or every single four years. They should do it every two years.
Do you get frustrated though? Do teams oftentimes park the bus to prefer a real bus on the US and basically make it impossible for you guys to score? I mean, I've only been on the team for, this is my third year now, and there's definitely some teams that park the bus, but I think a lot of teams have gotten a lot better, and they don't need to do that now. Right.
China's a big bus parker. Yeah.
They put like 10 people in the box. But I've always been curious.
from on on your side if a team is like we

are basically gonna just play a game that is completely boring and put everyone in the box and just hope they don't score is that frustrating as hell yeah yeah it is very frustrating um but i mean i think at the same time you can't you can't let your frustration show like you got to find a way to score. And it's kind of a mentality.
So if you let your emotions get, like, too wrapped up in it, then that's your problem. I would definitely let my emotions get the best of me.
Just start screaming at people throwing them out of the box. I'm trying.
They're not even trying to score a goal. It sucks.
The thing I like about women's soccer more so than men's soccer is there's actually less flopping in women's soccer why do you think that is um i don't know i think because we want to keep playing yeah yeah i don't know yeah i i don't enjoy watching the flopping and i there actually is some um some countries that flop more than others yeah or a little more brazil i'll let you guys i'll let you guys figure it out yourself yeah but um yeah i feel like women are much less theatrical they are they're tougher soccer players in my opinion and if you if you look at the group we're in you said it's chile thailand hank and sweden when you get ready to play a team like thailand or sweden um where you might i'm assuming maybe you you've picked up on some Spanish along the way playing soccer as long as you did. But no, not really? None.
Do you prepare at all, like a little bit of trash talk for any of the teams in these new languages? I've actually never been a trash talker. Ever? Ever.
Okay. Yeah.
It's the meanest thing you said to someone. You stink.
We need to get you trashed. Yeah.
Yeah, I know. You guys might have to prep me before I head out.
We'll maybe send you a list of the weaknesses of all the other teams. Yeah, could you? Tu no es bueno, Chile.
Yeah. You're not good, Chile.
Oh, speaking of Chile, you're from Cincinnati. Do you like Skyline? Yeah.
Do you like Skyline? That is absolutely disgusting. Well, PFT actually likes it as a joke.
I like it once a year as a joke, but yeah. It's good once a year to warm up the guts a little bit.
It's Stockholm Syndrome. The entire city of Cincinnati.
You guys all are raised to think that it's good chili, and then you go out in the world. It's so good.
You should actually bring some Skyline chili to France, see how that plays. I will.
had some skyline chili dip what was that it's just skyline chili that you're just trying to figure out a different way to maybe eat skyline chili oh you guys you put some cream cheese on the bottom then you put the chili on top and the cheese so it's seven layer dip except six of the layers are just skyline chili yeah that's awful i don get on it. I don't like this.
No, that's awful. So a big thing on last World Cup that was in North America was the grass versus the turf controversy.
Do you play on a lot of turf in the regular league? In the NBA South? There's a couple teams that have turf field. I'm trying to think.
Actually actually it might just be one now is it noticeably

different um how much like harder it is on your body or whatever it may be i mean i we're not i'm

not really an athlete anymore so i'm retired but i wouldn't i would assume that it sucks to play on

the turf yeah it does it's a lot harder so like it feels like you're you're just running on such

hard ground and then the turf burns like anytime you slide you're getting all types of cut up yep

So, let, it feels like you're just running on such hard ground. And then the turf burns, like, anytime you slide, you're getting all types of cut up.
Yep. So, yeah, it's definitely – I feel way worse the day after if I play on turf.
And then you've got the pebbles. You've got the black tire pebbles that get in your shoes.
What about the actual, like, passing of, like, when you try to pass, is the ball obviously moves a lot differently? It depends on the turf but yeah sometimes it's like it's a lot faster yeah um sometimes it's a lot like bouncier too so yeah i mean it depends on the turf but um there's no turf in france right heck no all right there we go regular regular grass love it love it how would you describe the u. style of play? Because I feel like really elite teams have to have like a

phrase that they're associated with like in men's

soccer. It's what? Tiki Taka for

Spain. Oh, I think for the U.S.

U.S. just did not

participate. But for you

guys, how would you describe the U.S. women's national team

style of play?

I think we're kind of just

like we're very transitional and we want to to wear you down okay okay goal scoring now this is a gambling question because we will be gambling on the u.s women's world cup do you like to score goals i like to score goals okay good question that's a good so great question take the over on every single game they're trying to score goals got it there are some teams that do not try to score goals, and I hate those teams. They park the bus.
They park the bus. But we are the bus.
Yeah. What's your favorite set piece? Like? Like corner kick or like 10 yards outside the box? I do.
I like the shooting free kicks. Okay.
One where you can kind of got to play with the goalie a little. Direct kick? Yeah.
What's the spot where you're like, I got this? What's your zone, your heat map zone? If Rose gets a free kick at this point in the field, lights out, you're getting scored on. Oh, gosh.
Well, that's a lot of pressure on me. I don't know.
I like the ones where I can just curl it with my left foot. Nice.
Bend it. Away from the goalie.
Away from the goalie. So a kick that swings out, not in.

Yeah.

How do you curl it?

Dumb question.

You hit it a certain way with your foot.

So can you basically just tell the ball where to go at this point in your career?

Yeah, I like whisper to it usually before I pass.

At what point, like high school, college, to the pros, were you like, I can basically just do whatever I want with this ball? I don't know if there was ever a moment where I was like. You were just born exceptional.
I think maybe I just got better every year. So it didn't seem like it was sudden.
It was more gradual. Well, I love that part of soccer.
Like, I mean, we're a messy podcast.

You're a messy fan.

Like, the way he can basically just dribble and it looks like the ball is attached to his foot.

Yeah.

It's insane.

Yeah, I love that.

Yeah.

When you get up to take a penalty shot, do you know where it's going?

Do you know where you're going to put it before you even step in?

Like, before the game, you're like, if I get a PK, I'm putting it top left?

Or do you make that decision based on how shook the goalie looks?

It depends because I feel like the goalie a lot of times is reading off of me too.

A lot of times I'll have my decision made already.

But if I see that the goalie is cheating a little, then I might switch it up.

So do you switch it up like last second?

Yeah, if they're cheating that hard, then yeah.

Okay.

Take what they give you.

How many have you missed career-wise um i don't know maybe i have no clue maybe four or five if we were in goal how many could we stop i used to play goalie so keep that in mind yeah wow i own a team uh-huh he owns a team my first move would be put him in goalie. I can leap.
You wouldn't know if I'm going to go. But my vert, I think, is like 29, 29 inches.
What's your wingspan? Not very. Six feet.
I got long arms considering I'm only 5'10". 5'8".
But yeah. All things considering, I think, maybe you could get your fingertips on one.
Maybe. Okay.
I'll take that. That's a moral victory.
Here's something good for PFT. Why does it seem like most soccer players are shorter? Like it's a short person's game.
Is it a short person's game? I feel like really tall. Because I'm short and I don't feel that way.
I don't understand the training. Okay, so why are there no 6'6 soccer players?

Yeah, that's a great question.

I have a theory about it.

Jump up and do headers, but maybe I'm way wrong.

So they do.

A lot of defenders are a little bit taller.

But the shorter guys, you take long strides.

You can't dribble the ball as much to use sacrifice control.

That's true.

That's my theory.

That's a good point.

I'm going to run with that.

What's your favorite method of recovering from an injury?

Is it the sponge that's soaking in the bucket of water? Or is it the ice spray that doesn't do anything? Or is it the K-T tape? Yeah, I actually love the K-T tape. Did you mean to do that? Because that's what she's plugging.
Oh, the K-T tape. Of course.
I love it when they bring the bucket with the sponge in it out of the field. Some guy has just suffered a severe knee injury, and they put the sponge on his leg.
He's like, oh, perfect. And then they're like, put on the KT tape.
Now the KT tape will actually fix it. Yeah.
Yeah, I actually don't do that spray stuff. I do do the KT tape.
It helps keep – I tore my hamstring like a year and a half ago. Sheesh.
I broke my foot. It wasn't fun, but the KT tape was great.
I feel like it kind of gives me a little extra boost on the field. Can you just put it anywhere on your butt? Like, I have a bad back.
Can I just put KT tape just to walk? Yeah, go ahead. I've gotten fat recently.
Can I just put it, like, on my stomach? It's magical tape. I'll try.
Yeah. I'll get back to you and let you know how that works.
Did you bring any of it? We do have some of it. Oh, yeah.
Strap me up. Okay, nice.
I'm going to get some after this. I will definitely try out the KTT.
Do you have to wear those GPS things during the games? We do. That must suck because you can't slack off and get away with it.
More so, it doesn't suck, but like in practice, if we don't hit certain numbers, then we'll have to do extra runs yeah really yeah see i was really good at at uh running when the coach was looking at me and then we turn away i just start walking yeah see that's probably why i didn't get away with that now yeah when you're walking on the field though because that is part of soccer is walking are you ever like this is kind of nice i'm just walking um yeah sometimes when i'm really tired i'm like wow what a nice break yeah um so i don't understand spacing in soccer is there ever a time where you're like fuck it i'm just gonna go off like kobe and i'm just gonna run everywhere uh do you have to stay in your zone no there's like definitely freedom with what you do okay i think you just have to read the game got it so like all right do you get yelled at though you ever get yelled at because like hey rose what the hell was that you just went off script there well if it was really stupid of me then yeah yeah but i feel like most times when people go off script there's a re like there's a reason they right there's like something they see but i like the part of soccer that's interesting to me is when you're watching it and like someone goes off script and maybe loses their formation. And then like the team will score two minutes later.
And it's like, yeah, because he went out of position two minutes ago. Yeah, that's definitely happened to me.
Yeah. Oh, it has.
Yeah. And they're like, what the hell? Like that was you screwed everything up.
Well, yeah. But then the times that it works, it works, you know, that's the Kobe mentality.
I like that. And you look really good in film when you're watching that.
You're like, you took a chance here and it worked off when you freelance. Like Patrick Willis used to do that a lot.
He had a nose for the ball. Yes.
And so when he'd do it, he'd be right. I got a question about the video review system.
That they just really are. That seems like it's really gone off in a direction that nobody really anticipated.
They're taking goals off the scoreboard now, like 30 seconds a minute after they're scored. Have you noticed a difference? Does that annoy you if plays slowed down because of the VAR system? We haven't actually experienced ourselves yet.
It will be in the World Cup, which will be super nice, but I haven't had a game where that's been implemented but no i think it'll be great because i feel like um pk calls like will change the game um and like have changed the game before so i think it's like nice now that you have something that can review it and like make sure it was or wasn't a pk and then at the same time it's also like gotta be careful in the box because you can go back and like get you yeah yeah yeah yeah have you ever gotten a red card no ah why not so here's are you soft get a red card in the first game establish a little bit of a bad girl street cred yeah people like don't fuck with rose yeah and then i can't play Perfect. Oh, yeah, it's next game.
Shit. All right, don't do what I said.
Don't do it in the very first game. Yeah.
That way you can come back and you'll have fresh legs for the quarterfinals. Yeah.
I like that. I love it.
Impact still. Do you have an EPL team? I've been cheering for Liverpool recently.
Okay, that's convenient. What are they, top of the table? Real convenient, isn't it? Interesting.
Okay, got it. You're a Badger.
I'm a Badger. Why don't we just talk about how awesome it is to be a Badger? Oh, my God.
Okay, I love this. Yeah.
Let's go. It's the best.
Did you win a lot of games? We did win a decent amount of games. Did we win any Big Ten championships? We did.
My sophomore and junior year. Yeah.
I need to update the standings so I can let everyone know. Yeah.
We've won a lot of... Who did we beat the shit out of? Like, did we beat Ohio State? We beat Ohio State, yeah.
Good. Good.
Yeah. Michigan? Who is...
I hate Michigan. I hate Michigan, too.
I hate Michigan. Michigan's the worst.
They think they're better than everyone. They do.
It must have sucked, though, playing in Madison in, like, I don't know, March, April. We actually had my sophomore year one of our NCAA games.
We were playing, and it was, like, torrential snowboard. I think we were playing in, like, three inches of snow, and they had to shovel the lines at halftime.
That's ridiculous. Yeah, I can't imagine playing a spring sport in Madison.
Yeah. Well, this was a fall sport.
A fall sport. Wait.
Is it spring? Soccer? It's fall? Depends on where you are. In college.
In college, it's fall. I screwed that up.
Oh, fuck. I fucked that up.
Why did I think it was spring? I don't know. It seems like a spring sport.
It does, doesn't it? I remember that we... Well, fall's not great either, weather-wise, so it works.
The U.S. men's team played a game against Costa Rica one time in like six inches of snow.
I actually... This is not soccer.
Yeah, this is my problem. Nobody can pass the ball.
My problem with soccer is that I just never know. The season starts and ends.
The EPL starts in August and goes all the way till May. I just never really.
And there's tournaments all the time. It's like 24-7 soccer.
Yeah, I mean, listen, it is great, but it feels like we need to get a little bit more on the same page as a country of when soccer season is. We're very dumb.
Right. If you that out we're trying to sell the sport you mean you too or no no we are the perfect like you know embodiment of i would say a regular sports fan that likes soccer but doesn't fully understand it uh-huh you know what i mean yeah i enjoy it yeah but a lot of times i'm watching being like why aren't people scoring like why don't you kick from like 30 feet out or 30 yards out meters like you should just kick that and score just score yeah i never understood that it's like no one's around you just fucking kick it in the in the goal here yeah but then i realized it's probably a lot harder than it looks yeah i mean you probably do it you own a team hell's learning, yeah.
So when the refs bring out the spray, I assume that you like the new spray thing where... You're obsessed with spray.
No, this is a different spray. Oh, the other spray.
The spray where the wall can't... Yeah, the free kick spray.
Yeah, where the wall can't inch closer to the ball anymore. You probably like that a lot, right? I mean, yeah, I guess it's a good marker.
For you, like if you're taking the kick it's like i can bend it around these guys but if they if it was you know five years ago they would creep up where it was five yards away from me and cut down the angle on me yeah yeah so you've done a lot of interviews are we the dumbest interview uh people you've had today no no what What are the other questions they've been asking? Similar. They also have been asking me about the foam spread.
Yeah. Yeah.
Okay, shit. Well, then I guess we're not unique.
What's the best question you've been asked today by anybody? The best question? This is a trick we do. Then you say it, and then we cut it, and then we re-ask it.
Oh. Yep.
This part's never going to air. The best question? Probably something best question probably something about my dog how's your dog doing um oh is your dog single i'm a minister so i can marry your dog to somebody if you want what's your dog's name wilma wilma that's a great name for a bulldog i think actually it's kind of a cheat code people get bulldogs because bulldog names are so much easier and they're always great you just get a bulldog you name it george and you're like that's fucking awesome yeah that's a good point it's kind of a cheat no you have to be smart with what you name your bulldog it can't be something lame like no it's gotta be a fat name no i'm i'm serious it does give me an example of a bad name for a bulldog like um steve it's no great, Steve's good.
Steve is good. It's not fair because bulldogs are like this.
Minnie. Sarah.
Minnie? No, Minnie's a great name for a bulldog. Are you kidding me? That's...
Minnie? Minnie, that's funny. That's funny, yeah.
That's like a Biggie Smalls kind of thing. No, no, no.
I want someone to tell me the name of the bulldog and me be like, oh my god. Rebecca.
Oh my god, I love that. See, this is not fair.
Bulldogs. I love it.
Bulldogs owners cheat because if you see a bulldog and you just say the name, you're like, that's awesome. I know.
It's bullshit. Chester.
Chester. Chester's an awesome name.
Chester's a great name for a bulldog. Yes.
Oh my gosh. I know a bulldog named Walter.
Oh my God. Great name.
I feel like that's a classic bulldog name. Yeah, Walter, Winston.
Yeah. Winston, uh-huh.
Leroy. It's just a great name for a dog.
I have a dog named Leroy. He says, what's up, Wilma? I got one last question.
It's a SeatGeek question. You put in promo code, take you at $10 off.
10 euros in France on euros? Quid. Yeah, 10 euros off to go see the U.S.
women's team play in France this summer.

Cool.

Seat Geek.

I think they have Seat Geek in France.

I don't know.

All right.

This was a terrible ad transition.

Can you actually, though, just say real quick, I guarantee that we win the World Cup?

I really don't want to jinx anything.

I'm superstitious.

Where are the games all in France or is it another country too?

No, it's all France. Just different cities.
That's awesome. Do you know where your first games are? Where are you guys going to be located? Like where's the camp? That's a great question.
Oh, you haven't even made the team yet, have you? It'll get announced this week. Oh, okay.
Best of luck. Exclusive.
Yikes. Uh-oh.
This will be awkward. No, I actually looked it up before, and you were under the virtual lock category.
Thank God. Thanks for letting me know.
There's virtual locks, then there's maybes, then there were probably nots. Wow.
So you were virtual lock. Well, thank God you told me that.
I feel a little more secure now. My last actual soccer-related question, as a relative newcomer to the team, as one of the younger players, how do you go about trying to break into that lineup to get some playing time, like in practice? Are you separated mostly to, you know, you've got the starters and then you've got some of the newer players, and you have to really show out on the B squad, for lack of a better term? Or how do you get that crack at the top level? Yeah, I mean, I think it's such a deep team and there's like such a big talent pool um and i think every practice is like super competitive so it's kind of like what you're bringing during practice and like if you're making the most of the opportunities you get if you go in the game too um i think a lot of things play into it yeah who who are your friends on the team? Sonnet, Sam, Lindsey, Mal,

Andy Sullivan. Who's your enemies? I have no enemies.
She said it's hyper-competitive. Who's the fiercest competitor on the team? Kelly O'Hara and Sonnet are both very competitive.
They go for it. Yeah, they go for it.
I like that. They're the people you look to, and when these cards go down, you're like, all right, let's go.
Yeah, Sonnet's kind of psycho. Love that.
You need one. Yeah, who's the enforcer on the team? The enforcer.
What do you mean by that? Like when Thailand starts coming at your knees. Yeah.
You need someone to fight back. When Marks is flopping out there, and you need somebody screaming her face.
Yeah. Oh.
JJ is like the ankle. Like she's going to tackle the.
She's taking it all. And the ball.
And the ball. Yeah.
Ball first. Yeah.
Yeah. Watch out for JJ.
Don't even try to beat her. Don't even try.
I won't. I was going to.
No, I'm not. Yeah.
Don't even bother. Not even you.
You own a team, but don't. try.
Yeah, yeah. I won't.
Maybe I'll sign her. All right, last question.
Say where you like to shoot your penalty kicks, but do it reverse where you actually do it. So that way when Thailand and Sweden and all these people listen to this podcast, they think they got the book out on you, but they don't.
You love to kick it right at the goalie. at the goalie every time no matter what over the goal or right at the goalie you don't even have to move when rose is getting up there for the pk yeah perfect oh i do have one last question this is our trick by the way we just say we have one last question we just keep going it's yeah um where does the hand start for a handball like is this a handball on Like, is this a handball on my shoulder? Is this a handball? I feel like, honestly, it's at the discretion of the ref.
Or the robots now. Are these French refs? They'll be from all over the place.
Okay. Yeah.
I know. Remember that when they had the Olympics and the ice skating? And wasn't it the French refs through the whole thing? The Russian judges.
The Russian judges. But wasn't the French ref part of it? That was the Canadian thing, right? Yeah, something like that.
The Canadians won? I don't trust them. I don't trust them.
Just watch them. Yeah, the fraud.
I don't trust them. Yeah.
All right. We incompetent.
Yeah. That was the last question.
Thank you so much for coming in. Appreciate it.
Best of luck. Thank you heard it here first you heard it here first guaranteed victory best of luck though this will be a lot of fun we're very excited for the world cup and to gamble on you yeah perfect yes i hope i make you some money thanks that interview with rose lavelle was brought to you by roman Swipes.
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Okay, let's get to some segments. First up, Hard Knocks was announced.
The Raiders are hosting Hard Knocks. Hosting? Featured? They are the featured team this year.
Featured team. I'm excited.
You're excited. Real sex Hard Knocks.
It is going to be something else to watch. There are so many characters, so we're going to just talk about some of the storylines we expect from Hard Knocks this season.
You want to start? I'll go first. I am very excited to see both John Gruden and Mark Davis getting a haircut.
Possibly just cutting each other's hair at the same time. Like the 69 equivalent of haircuts.
Like maybe a nice James Brown song underneath, and they do that cool thing where Liev Schreiber hops in, and he's like, these two brothers have been getting their hair cut together for the last 30 years. That's Mark Davis and John Gruden.
They just have butter knives just swiping madly at each other's heads. Yeah.
I'm excited for Tom Cable to fight someone, probably Richie Incognito, on the offensive line. That's definitely going to happen.
That's 100% going to happen. Have you ever looked at Tom Cable and his offensive line ratings? Oh, yeah.
He's a really bad coach. When he was with the Seahawks, he didn't even...
His way of not having a bad offensive line was to take players that didn't play offensive line and then try to teach them how to block. And fight them.
And fight them, yeah. Punch the biggest motherfucker in the room.
Yeah, he is a very bad coach. I remember when he was on the Raiders a while back, didn't he punch? Yeah.
Did he punch Hugh Jackson? He punched one of the members of the coaching staff. I think he punched one of the players, yeah.
I can't remember. But, yeah, he's a very bad coach, and he also will be great hard knocks fodder

because he basically has a job simply people are scared of him.

Yep.

That's really it.

His job is to be a football guy.

Yeah.

I'm looking forward to the montage of the new stadium built in Las Vegas.

Yeah, that's good.

So if you like stadium montages where they're changing from hockey to basketball

and back to hockey, a brand-new stadium from the ground up

is going to just give me six to midnight in my pants.

Yes, that's going to be good i'm very excited to see uh antonio brown and derrick carr have an awkward relationship where they try to convince everyone they're actually friends when they really aren't and then throw in the mix john gruden also hating derrick carr and not knowing what to with Antonio Brown not understanding Antonio Brown because he's insane yeah and so he's going to show up with that the gold milk mustache like he's been chugging paint like he's an offensive lineman at a hockey game yeah a lot of new rookies too so there's gonna be a lot of rookie storylines one of them probably yeah one of them probably uh just got married or is engaged and we'll get one of those scenes where they always, you know, they're just trying to figure it out in this new city. I was looking at the list of players of the undrafted free agents on Big If True yesterday.
There's Alec Ingold, the fullback from Wisconsin, finalist for the Loman Trophy. Gruden is going to love him.
Gruden is going to find a way to get that guy playing time somehow. And then there was some guy who he was already a senior.
So it means that he's got a kid and hard knocks cameras love it. And undrafted free agent with a, with a child.
And they always get cut. Yeah.
They always get cut. I hope he doesn't.
We're also going to see Deuce Gruden somewhere in the background. Deuce.
At some point, hopefully. And Mike Mayock being, I don't know what Mike Mayock is going to do.
Just try not to get yelled at by John Gruden. Just hiding from John Gruden in the hallway.
My big prediction from this is people are going to be like, man, John Gruden really does have a good handle on this. We gave him a bad...
He's got a bad rap. I don't think that John Gruden's going to allow cameras anywhere.
Well, he has to. But I don't know what the rules are, like where he has to allow them.
He's going to fuck up. He's going to fuck up.
We actually might get a scene where he attacks a cameraman. Yeah.
There's actually a few people on this roster that will attack a cameraman. For sure.
Yeah. Either way, it's going to be.
They're going to sign Dennis Rodman. It's the perfect Hard Knocks team.
Like, I didn't know how they would one up from the Browns. This is it.

This is going to be perfect.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And they do it all in Napa too,

which is great.

A lot of people are saying that Leroy messed up because he reported it was going to be the Detroit lions.

But what my sources are telling me and Leroy about this is that it was going

to be the Detroit lions and the league got so much blowback.

They're like,

no,

they're,

they're a boring team.

Nobody wants it to be Detroit that they decided to switch it up. Oh, that's how inside he is? Yeah.
No, he's plugged in. He's plugged in.
Yeah. He's very plugged in.
Also, he's having surgery right now as you're listening to this. So boop it.
Shout out, Leroy. Boop.
Yeah, one boop. Unsubscribe and resubscribe, one boop.
Just for Leroy. For Leroy.
All right. We need to talk a little U.S.
Open, talking golf. Brooks Koepka, our guy, didn't finish great, wore an awesome hat, but most importantly, the course is being a little bit of a wussy, a pussy.
Baby back bitch. Yes, maybe because the course got run up and down.
Many guys under par. I think minus five is leading right now.
Not my U.S. Open course.
No, the players ran a train on the course. If I'm the course right now, I'm having a players only meeting tonight.
I'm regrouping. Maybe like release a pack of wild dogs out there.
Let them just tear the place up a little bit. Yeah, it was a record amount of Eagles score today.
Disgusting. Not my U.S.
Open. Now they're going to do the thing where they make the

pins way in the back

right by a bunker and everyone complains

about that, but I don't care.

I want even par to win my U.S.

Open. I want shitty golf.

I want awful golf. I want one

guy that figures out how to use the course and the

rest of them just threatening to kill

themselves in their own clubs out there.

Yeah, some, I don't know, Ernie Els or what's the other guy that everyone fucking hates? People don't hate Ernie Els. Kuchar.
No, no, no, no. No, people don't hate Kuchar.
His caddies do. Oh, Poulter.
He would complain about it. He would definitely complain about it and be like, this is bullshit.
The USGA is bullshit. It's a Mickey Mouse course.
Right. I like it a lot better when we're playing over in Scotland where the greens are made out of sand.
Yeah. So there would definitely be some foreign guy would definitely complain and be like, well, the course is too hard.
That's what I want for the US Open. I like my golf link style where it's just wheat everywhere and bunkers that you could fill with radioactive waste and not discover for another 20 years.
Recurring guest Ricky Fowler is the lead right yes wow that's true could ricky win win his first major so i have a theory of how they can improve the court especially if it's in northern california humboldt county is right next door get some of those farmers to come over set a fescue plant a bunch of cannabis a bunch of hemp i'd be tough to whack your way out of that yeah i also this like showing like the deer running around those are fake deer they're just fucking putting the deer in there right and there was a deer literally running like down the like there's no chance i've been to a u i've been to us opens there's just so many people deer don't just run around now are you saying that they're added in cgi deer no i'm saying that they're anim deer suit? No, I'm saying a guy's standing on the beach with a big fucking truck of deer and just letting them loose. I don't mind that, actually.
That's all that's happening. I don't mind that.
I would say bring more deer. Bring some gators out.
It's not golf until a gator gets involved. Gators, maybe get a couple of whales to jump up in the ocean right there.
I'm sure they'll do some shit like that. Well, they did have dogs on the beach next to like the 17th hole.
That was sick. That was pretty cool.
That was really cool. I want to see it all coming down to like the 17th, 18th hole on Sunday afternoon.
Brooks is trying to putt, and there's just a big Great Dane taking a huge shit on the beach in the background. And like some naked fat dude with a tiny wiener just walking around.
And then Joe Buck looks at the dog taking a shit i have never seen anything more disgusting in my life god people lambo are shocked uh all right before we get uh license to jill quickly we need to introduce something that we're going to bring back uh around for football season but explain to people because it took over twitter for basically half the day today yeah so the big cat and i got tagged tagged in a tweet this morning, and it was from a listener at NadsNotNurbs, award-winning listener, and he was taking over a desk from a coworker who had retired and going through some of the old paperwork that was being left behind, and he stumbled across a 3x5 index card. No big deal.
Some people take notes on things. He looked at at the three by five index card it was a list of the most random group of quarterbacks that you could think of and we love random quarterbacks yes from the year 2011 to about 2015 with different tally marks john skelton and ryan linley and he he tagged us in this and asked us if we could figure out what the common thread was, what this 3x5 index card could possibly mean.
I'll read you a couple. Mark Sanchez, he had three tally marks next to him.
Tim Tebow had one. Tom Brady had one.
Phillip Rivers had five. Cam Newton had four.
John Skelton had one. Sexy Rexy had one.
Colin Kaepernick had two. Aaron Rodgers, not on the list.
Russell Wilson, not on the list. Alex Smith, not on the list.
E.J. Manuel, one tally mark.
Andrew Luck, two tally marks. So we were looking at this.
I probably spent a good hour and a half just staring at it. I got so far that I was counting.
I counted 65 tally marks, and I was like, well, wait a second. Charles Woodson had 65 interceptions.
Maybe that has something to do with it. No, that's not true because Peyton Manning's on here twice.
Yeah, Peyton Manning's on here once, and Charles Woodson picked him off twice. And so I couldn't figure out what the fuck was going on with this thing.
I literally Googled, what do John Skelton and Phillip Rivers have in common? I was like, this will figure it out. They're white guys that have never won a Super Bowl.
That that's how dependent on google i am yeah so uh we spent a lot of time thinking about it eventually the guy got in touch with his old co-worker who retired and uh the co-worker said that this was a list from a weekly kind of i don't know what you want to call it it was a game that they used to play or or an award that they used to hand out just in the office called the Jake. And the Jake award went out every week to the quarterback that played the worst.
So usually it was the most interceptions per week. Now, why was it called the Jake? That's because it was named after Jake DeLome when he threw that four interception playoff game, had all those turnovers on his birthday.
That was on Jake DeLome's birthday. So they decided to create an award named The Jake.
Bonus points for the quarterback if they fucked up really badly on their own birthday. Then they would automatically win the Jake award for that week.
So I think we have to continue this tradition that has been lost to the ages. Yeah, we will be giving out The Jake now in the football season every single week and doing a little bit about it.
But it is – that is – the reason why I love this is not only because this guy tweeted us and was like, crack this code. And we couldn't – and essentially everyone that follows us spent their time trying to figure this out.
But more than that, this is just quintessential, I hate my my job let's come up with something stupid that we can have that's ours for five minutes every monday yes and that's the jake exactly it's like you remember that old espn commercial they play shelf ball yeah where they you bounce a ball into a shelf and one's a single double triple home run every office has this like stupid game that you get into to. Yeah, you know the people, literally the guy would drive into his office Monday morning, probably hated his life, hated everything, but he knew for five minutes he was going to get to talk to a couple of his coworkers about the Jake.
Did you see the Jake this week? Who's getting the Jake? Who's going to get the Jake tomorrow? Monday night still. We still got Monday night.
Someone might not get the Jake. That's right.
You have to award it on Tuesday.

There are probably some side bets going on in the office of who they thought the guy was going to award the Jake.

Yeah, we'll nominate.

We will do that.

We'll nominated.

Everyone will have to pick a Jake every week and see how many we can get right.

Yep.

So that was that was fantastic.

We'll tweet it out again.

But it is fucking hilarious.

Like just one of those weird quirky things.

It's very relatable,

trying to pass the time with football in the fall.

And also just some of the names on this list.

Just crack me.

Ryan Lindley and John Skelton.

That's all you need right there.

Tyler Palko.

Tyler Palko was on there.

That was insane.

He was one of the keys.

It was like if you can figure out what Tyler Palko, Jake Locker,

Josh McCown, and Matt Schaub all have in common,

then you can figure out what the meeting behind this three-by-fif is. Fuck.
That's awesome. All right.
Let's finish up with our intern, Jilly Football. Okay.
Let's wrap up Friday's show with our intern extraordinaire. Senior intern.
Senior intern. Not because of her age, but because of her experience.
And she has been lighting up Twitter. She's a phenomenon.
How many Twitter followers do you have, Jill? 40,000? That's pretty good. 39,000 maybe? I don't know.
That's pretty good, starting from scratch. That's pretty awesome.
My favorite was the lineup of the remotes, trying to figure out how to get the TV to work for Stanley Cup. You were able to watch Stanley Cup Game 7.
Yes. Very happy that you were able to do that.
All right. So, Jill, we're going to do our License to Jill segment.
Before that, you are our ombudsman. I can never say that word.
Ombudsman. Ombudsman.
Things that you were not mad about but disappointed in this week on part of my take okay so you know boys I really like you thank you this is going well I'm not mad but I'm a little disappointed very disappointed last week my first day on the show yeah i shared it with a lacrosse player oh it could have been zach afron but no lacrosse oh who the fuck cares okay i'm sorry i thought you're gonna be mad mad that we were talking about Phil Mickelson spitting on his dick. No.
I'm getting there. I'm getting there.
Let's do one at a time, big cat. Paul Rabel.
So you're mad that we made you share with the seventh sport in America? I do like this, though, because we always used to tell Billy Football, we don't want this going to your head, Billy. Yeah.
With you, I want you to become just a queen. I want you to come in here with a robe on, Boston people on.
I want a Jill hot, like a Bay hot. I want people to just attack and don't come at Jill.
She's a queen. But it's lacrosse.
It's not even a real sport. I'm sorry.
You're making facts. I like Paul Rabel a lot.
But you're right. Guess what? Tomorrow you'll be sharing a podcast with your favorite sport, which is women's soccer.
Oh, NASCAR. Rose Lavelle.
Oh, NASCAR. I could go NASCAR.
Okay. You got NASCAR.
Rose Lavelle. Awesome.
You've been watching the Women's World Cup all week. Yes.
Yes. There you go.
We'll make up for it. Yeah.
Oh. Okay.
We good now? We're good. We're good.
We're good okay no longer disappointed the phil mickelson dick thing oh and you tweeted this out i'm again i can't be mad but disappointed were you disappointed in just how accurate we were with the description of phil mickelson because i i stand by the fact that he just hawks loogies on his hog whening. And he's like, damn, look at this.
But I couldn't follow it. I mean, I didn't, you know.
Okay, you probably haven't watched as much porn as we have. What a skittle spit.
I'm sorry. That's the part that you got lost at? Okay, all right.
No, spitting on your dicks. Spitting, you know, what, filling in the holes or acing the holes i mean i you know whatever i couldn't follow and i don't think i want to i'm gonna show you i'm we're gonna show you skittle spit not anything skittle skittle skittle is when you get the gross like sugary and it's it's very sticky and then you just spit and then you like, a long...
This is terrible. Yeah.
Forget it. Well, no, it's like if you eat a bunch of candy, your saliva becomes, like, easier to suck back up.
So you can do the thing where you drop it all the way down to the ground, and then it comes back up. It's gross.
You can't spit as easily. We'll do it.
We'll make a video of it. Please do.
No, you're going to be in the video. Yeah, you're going to be in it.
You're going to have to try it. Actually, Jake, why don't you, Jake Marsh, PMT Sports Biz, why don't you go get us some Skittles right now? We'll do this right after this.
So Jake is going to go get, your darling Jake is going to get us some Skittles. Thank you, darling.
And we'll make the video right after this. All right, so let's do License to Jill.
Okay, well, we got to get Jill's phone up. Okay.
There she is. Jill, what were you telling me about the voices earlier? Oh, you know, when I listen to you guys on podcast, I can't tell you apart.
Oh, really? Interesting. But you know our voices.
You know who we are. I'm the white guy that was born in late January.
Yeah. Okay.
That's how you can tell. You cleared it up.
That cleared it way up. Okay.
All right, wait. Close your eyes and we'll both say the same thing ready give me the fucking keys of cocksucker phil mickelson spitting on his dick okay here we go that was one in the same let's let's do license to jill okay what's up jill who are you rooting for in this year's Blake of the Year? Oh.
I want to be Blake of the Year. Well, unfortunately, you're Jill, so you're already eliminated.
So the people up for Blake Griffin, who plays for the Detroit Pistons, Blake Bortles, who plays for the Rams, and then Brooks Koepka, which is confusing, but he is a Blake who is playing in the U.S. Open right now.

Your phone.

Bortles.

Okay, that's one for Blake.

I mean, they're all fan favorites.

He's the returning champion, so a bit of a front-running vote on your part.

He's going for back-to-back.

How do you keep this on?

Yeah, your phone, yeah.

We've got to change the power settings on that.

Okay.

Hey, Julie Football, no one noticed your hairstyle is dangerously close to may I speak to a manager haircut. Oh.
Have you ever insisted to talk to a manager? Interesting. That's a good question.
Yeah. Do you do that? Oh.
When I first got a haircut, I had long hair. Yeah.
I had it shorter than yours. Mm-hmm.
I spoke to the manager. What are they going to do? Glue it on? Oh, you mean you spoke to the manager at the hair store? Yeah.
This is different. This is a little bit different.
This just means if you're in a customer service situation or if you're at a restaurant and things don't go your way, are you somebody that frequently would say, may I speak to a manager about the situation? Yeah. No.
Okay. I don't do that.
Good. I'm all about – no.
Okay. No.
You're all about just going with the flow. Go with the flow.
Yeah. You know, if the waiter – it's not their fault probably.
It is really just, there are certain people who have that personality trait where they just complain about everything and they're like managers and they're the president of their homeowner association they're the worst i'm more of a if i have to talk to a human being fill out any paperwork i just don't want the refund you don't like to talk to people no the refund is not worth it if you make me fill out anything like forget it yeah it's over you got me also in homeowner associations when they're like oh you can't paint your door green oh your fence is actually uh five eight and it's you know well no i'm not gonna make a joke please don't thank you okay i've done the homeowner association i didn't know all that i just no well you stopped. I didn't.
I stopped myself. Because you knew I was 5'9".
And that joke wouldn't have made sense. Okay, good boy.
Yes. If you had to spend an entire day locked in the room with either PFT, Big Cat, or Hank, who would you choose? This is from Levi.
Okay. Hey, Levi.
Good genes. Oh, God.
Not knowing you well yet. Yeah.
Can I pick Liam? Yeah. Perfect answer.
Bubba. That was good.
Yeah. He doesn't.
Bubba is the ultimate go with the flow guy. Because he can continue to film me and I can dance.
Yeah. There you go.
Exactly. You guys have become thick as thieves.
I like that. Okay.
Good answer. Partner in crime.
Jill, my mom has been out of the country. She's Bolivian, so she's kind of nuts, but hates tattoos.
She gets back in November. Wouldn't you be Bolivian, too? Person writing in? Yes.
Yeah. That's a good point.
So you only have tattoos on your lower half. Maybe only half.
My mom's a Bolivian. She's crazy.
Okay. She gets back in November, but I've already gotten six tattoos since she left a month ago.
Oh. Anything I can say to avoid ass whooping, still live with my mom.
Mm-hmm. Ooh.
See, this is tough. So it seems like you kind of wanted to get caught if you went on a tattoo spree like that.
Yeah. So what would you do if you were very anti-tattoo and one of your kids got a bunch? Well, they could leave.
Okay. That's option one.
That's option one. They could pay rent.
What if, now hold on, let me throw a little something else out there for you. What if it's six tattoos and oh, he got a seventh and it just says, I love mom.
Right on his heart. All is forgiven.
Okay, so there you go. There's your answer, buddy.
Get a mom tattoo. Get that, maybe a I love mom in the shape of Bolivia.
Perfect. I don't know what Bolivia looks like.
Just have La Paz as your nipple. Yeah, there you go.
Okay. That's a good...
Good. That's how I would...
If they did get the I love mom. Yeah, yeah.
What's big in Bolivia? I just think of Bolivia as Mike Tyson. Fade into Bolivian.
Go off into Bolivian. Yeah.
Okay. That's about it.
Bolivian.

I know they have very dangerous roads.

Oh, Bolivian marching powder.

They have very dangerous roads and cocaine.

Yeah.

Yeah.

They have the most dangerous road in the world.

So maybe your mom will just be very happy that she survived.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay.

Next one.

I'll go for that.

Yeah.

Hey, Jilly.

Hope you're enjoying your internship so far.

How many of the other interns have tried to make a move on you? Good question And which of the PMT guys Needs the most parenting? Oh good question Second question's good Well It's gotta be Jake He's the youngest. But who needs the most parenting? I think it could be Hank.
Yeah. He just turned 26.
He just did. He's still a baby.
He is still a baby. What do you think Hank could use the most work on as far as becoming an adult? It's his birthday.
Yeah, be nice. Oh.
Oh. That was...
That really... That stopped the train right there.
Never mind. there never mind never mind alright do the next question because now you've been neutralized I would say maybe not skateboarding through the office yeah very dangerous oh is he a skateboarder yeah well just in the office because he doesn't like to walk yeah but I mean I don't blame him you should actually call the police on Hank when he's skateboarding the office.
We can make a meme out of you. Oh, there you go.
Yeah. That'd be cool.
Okay. Will do.
Longboard Becky. See, I'm not into that.
Okay. Knowing what that is.
Okay. After the Skittle spit.
Sup, Julie Football and PMT boys. I'm going to Chicago this weekend for a Dead & Company show at Wrigley with my dad.
Nice. And I've never done talked about doing He's going to talk about an acid or mushrooms.
Oh, LSD. That wasn't a marijuana call in.
Around my father. And I'm somewhat afraid to.
But I love tripping. And in a weird spot.
What a conundrum. I love to my balls off.
But damn, I think I'm going to be freaked out by my dad. I love to hallucinate.
Not sure how to do this in front of my dad so that I don't freak out. I'd say take it easy.
Maybe a few mushroom caps. Maybe don't go all out because I feel like tripping with your parents might be weird.
Well, offer dad some, the gummies.

Yeah.

The edibles.

The edibles.

So start out with some weed.

Get the cookies.

Yeah.

And work it up.

I agree with that.

If you do LSD with your parents, you might have an, your ceiling is having not a bad time.

Right.

Your basement, your floor is freaking out and irreparably damaging your relationship with your parents. Right.
That's going to be something we don't talk about forever. Yes.
Yeah. The time you trip balls at Wrigley.
Irreparably. Yeah.
So you got to ease dad into it. Ease dad into it.
Ease dad into it. Or if you are maybe staying at the new hotel across from Wrigley, you can just trip your balls off knowing that you can just go back to your hotel room there you go at any moment because that's actually like the fail scene and just get a lot of water before will dad notice uh yeah i think all i think wouldn't you say all parents know like when you think that you got one over your parents growing up when you were high or drunk you like oh man i i got they didn't know they know right you knew Yeah, you know.
What about when your kids nowadays come home and they're a little inebriated? Can you always tell? Well, you're getting hammered with them, right? You're sheesh-ing up. Yeah, you're getting sheesh-ed up.
Jilly gets sheesh-ed up. Sheesh off the vino? Yeah, you sheesh.
Oh, I do sheesh. Yeah, you sheesh.
You sheesh mid-time. I love it.
Okay. Yeah.
Next one. Any more? Locked out again.
That damn phone. I know.
You need to teach me. Blake of the Year competitor, Brooks Koepka, just chipped in for another birdie.
Nice. Why are nonstick pans never actually nonstick? Good question.
That is a good question. Because you use the wrong utensils in them.
There you go. Perfect.
Yes. Great.
That's a real answer. You scrape off the.
You use a real fork instead of the. Yep.
The plastic spoons. You do.
You scrape it off. So you're not supposed to use the metal on the nonstick.
Yes. Now, what about cast iron? Because I'm told that cast iron is the best way to cook everything.

It's a real cookers cook.

Yeah, but you have to, like,

massage it with calf oil,

like Howie Long did in that movie Little Giants to his son's calves,

in order to make it work right.

Like, how do you get a cast iron

to perform like a good cast iron?

You talk to it.

You talk to it?

Just slap it around a little bit?

Yeah, you just let him know who's boss.

Skittle spit on it. Yeah, you got to spit on it.
Yeah, Skittle spit on it. Yeah.
Yeah. That's right.
Last one. If I can get there.
Here we go. Okay.
I'm just going to pick one. Okay.
Like I was saying. If you had the opportunity, would you rather go 50 years back in time to redo some things from your past?

Oh.

Or would you go forward 50 years into the future?

To be dead?

To see what it's like. No, no, no.

No offense.

My bad.

I will be dead in 50 years.

Yeah, you will.

You never know.

We'll be honest.

No, 119 is the new 110.

Listen, Jill.

I believe in you.

I'm not going to be alive in 50 years.

You're healthy as a horse.

Well, yeah, we're definitely not going to.

So would you want to? No chance. No, regrets.
I've had a few, so I'm not going be alive in 50 you're healthy as a horse well yeah we're definitely not going to so would you want to no chance no regrets i've had a few so i'm not gonna go back you know i had sing it frank woohoo yes but then again two feet to mention okay anyway i'd go ahead yeah you'd go ahead i would features like features like you know like back to the future wait so okay so this is actually a this is actually a fun hypothetical. You go 50 years ahead, but you stay the same age.
Would you want to do that? I would not. You wouldn't.
No, because the fucking Earth's going to blow up. I wouldn't want to be 34 when the Earth's going to blow up.
I think it'd be pretty cool to be young while the Earth blows up. I don't know.
You can run away faster from it. It's going to suck in 50.
In 50 years, the world's going to suck. No, you're going to want to be able to swim in 50 years.
Yeah. Right now, me and you, we're both great swimmers.
That's true, but I just think it's gonna be too hot. There's gonna be, it's gonna be a shit show.
I'll have a kayak. Everyone's gonna move to, do you kayak? That's a good plan.
I love to kayak. Ocean kayaking is great.
Where do you kayak? The East River? In the pond in Rhode Island. Oh, nice.
Like, we're supposed to know where that is. The pond in Rhode Island.

Wait, is that a pond in Rhode Island?

Is that Walden?

Is that where Thoreau wrote his thing?

Is that where Thoreau stayed for a year to jack off

and pretend he was doing a great psychological experiment?

Well, it's not too far from Taylor Swift's house.

Oh, okay.

So you and the artist formerly known as Billy Football,

you guys both vacation in Rhode Island. Yes.
Wow. Interesting.
We should get you guys in a double kayak someday. Okay.
How's your kayaking? Do you know how to do a roll? If you tip over, do you know how to tip yourself back? Well, I've never done it. Do you wear a skirt? Do you wear the spray skirt? No.
Oh, okay. Well, you're not real kayaking.
Do you know if you tip over, do you know how to do the thing where you somersault out of the kayak so you don't have to worry about flipping it back over? Yes. Okay, good.
Got it. I've done that.
What's your paddle situation? Fiberglass? We talking, how much weight do you think? I don't know the weight. How many knots are you pulling out there? You got a rudder on that thing? You're asking too many questions.
Seven, eight knots?

Yes.

Okay, good. Damn.
You get maybe a two. I can call ass.
There you go. That's perfect.
All right, Jilly. Jilly Football, thank you.
Another great week. We'll try not to disappoint you next week.
Thank you, boys. Second week in the book.
I feel like you're getting your flow. You show up with a big smile.
You go around, ask people questions. You sat on the edge of the couch For two hours today

Watching Women's World Cup and just enjoying, like, you're kind of just hanging out. Yeah, just hanging out.
I do have a question for you. Out of everybody that you've met in the office, besides, we'll say besides the interns and besides us here on Part of My Take, who do you think is the most delightful oh that's that's hard since i don't remember names okay you've been delighted a lot though i've noticed describe them well you gotta come on ebony yeah that's a good answer good answer always greets you with a smile on her face good unless you're not supposed to be there in which case, in which case she will beat the shit out of you.
Stun gun. She has a stun gun.

So be careful.

Don't get on the wrong side.

And I will never take any of those things off the shelves.

Nope.

Yeah, exactly.

All right, Chili Football, thank you.

Thanks, guys.

Yeah.

See ya.

That was great.

Bye.

Love you guys. Take me on me Take me on me Take me on me Take me on me Take me on me Take me on me Take me on me Take me on me Go! Thank you.
I so bet it took you safe and saw me I so bet it took you safe and saw me

Take on me

Take on me

Take on me

Take on me

Take on me

Take on me

Take on me Take on me Take on me Take me off