Blake Griffin, NBA Finals, And Chris Mannix On Andy Ruiz's Big Night

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.

Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. On today's Pardon My Take, we have our good friend, recurring guest Hall of Famer, and Blake of the Year nominee, Blake Griffin, on the show, in the van.
Always fun to talk to Blake. We also have Chris Mannix who called the unbelievable fight Andy Ruiz shocked the world with his frumpy body for big boys everywhere won the heavyweight title on Saturday night we talked to him how that happened it was insane he was there we have game two recap of the NBA finals Monday reading and's back of the week.
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Hey! Rock down to Electric Avenue And then we're taking higher Oh, we're gonna rock down to Electric Avenue And then we're taking higher Welcome to Pardon My Take presented by the Cash App Go download it right now, use code BARSTOOL You get $5 to the ASPCA using code BARSTOOL.

Today is Monday, June 3rd, and Andre Iguodala has ice in his veins. Yeah.
Well, embrace debate. Was that a dumb shot or a smart shot? Yeah, that was so stupid.
I mean, I guess you could have waited a little longer, but no one's been more wide open and the warriors that was an ultimate like championship team uh win with kevin durant hurt clay thompson going out with the hamstring which by the way like that that wasn't talked about after but that's a huge huge injury because he went he went out and he looked really pissed yep steph curry with the runs yeah that was great and boogie cousin having to be relied on it was so funny in the first half especially when they were doing the updates on Steph Curry on his butt because the butt is a very it can throw off your entire rest of your body oh yeah butt's not feeling right and if you're an outside shooter uh you can't be squirting you can't be you you can't be jumping up in the air with your ass cheeks clenched together it is funny because we joke about about the whole Steph's injured when he's not shooting well. And it was so perfect because he did start really bad.
And I think he was like one for seven at one point. And instantly the reports of diarrhea, the finger, everything, going to the locker room, taking a shit.
It all came out. But there's no pun intended there.
No whatever intended. Yeah.
But it did all come out. Yeah.
Yeah, it absolutely did. And he looked uncomfortable in the first quarter for sure.
It's feeding him energy chews. Did you see that? They were giving me energy chew Steph Curry updates.
Like a little monster energy chews? Yeah, I think he saw Fred Van Vliet sucking down that placenta and was like, I'll just do a synthetic energy chew. I've been thinking about that with Fred Van Vliet, how he's been on fire since he had his kid.
What if I never lose a bet after I have a child? I think the placenta is the trick to it. A lot of people do that.
Yeah. It's energy gel.
Okay. Eating that placenta.
I always get placenta and paella mixed up. Pretty much the same thing.
Not the same. Well, you can make one out of the other.
Right. Yeah.
You can't put one into the other. It's an excellent stock.
By the way, speaking of Energy Choose, Hank is podcasting under the same. Not the same.
Well, you can make one out of the other. Right.
Yeah, you can put one into the other. It's an excellent stock.
By the way, speaking of Energy Chews, Hank is podcasting under the influence right now. So everyone be careful.
That's not true. Yeah, you are.
I banged a monster. Yeah, you banged a fucking monster at 11 o'clock at night.
It's the ultra sunrise. Trying to pop it up.
Now you won't stop saying. It's one of those ones where the jokes become reality and it's like we're're just now a fucking banging a monsters podcast.
Yeah. Hey, yo, pass me that white.
That's how I got started vaping. Yeah, that's true.
As a joke. And you've quit.
So that was, though, like, I love it because, you know, people hate the Warriors online. They hate seeing them win over and over and over.
And I get it. But they'll always be like, oh, yeah, like classic Warriors.
They get bailed out by andre goddala they get bailed out by quinn cook who wanted to uh take every single three until like the last four minutes but that's what championships teams do like these guys step up in big moments they're down 11 or 12 in the first half it looks like the raptors are gonna cruise and they just come out third quarter warriors do their fucking thing the raptors didn't score for like seven minutes no it was crazy draymond showed up and draymond and iggy uh shut down pascal siakam after that after a game one performance the third quarter warriors are the most fun team in the nba to watch they're insane i absolutely love them they're the ultimate vince youngs that actually that's when they start going the fuck off that actually answers our hypothetical from friday's show if it was us versus the warriors up 100 would they come back only if it was the third quarter yeah our bet was the fourth quarter yeah so we probably would still win that yeah so we would fucking punish them yeah but it was uh i mean that's just what championship teams do like they like they everything's against them they have injuries left and right and they're on the road and it felt like it really did feel like in the first half is like left and right, and they're on the road.

And it felt like – it really did feel like in the first half,

it was like, all right, Warriors are going to just pack it in

and go out to Oracle and probably even this series in game three and four.

But now, as long as Klay's not actually really hurt, which he could be,

the Warriors have –

Hamstrings are weird, man.

Yeah, they did.

Hamstrings are very weird.

They won one on the road.

Then they probably have Kevin Durant coming back. They don't have to play again until Wednesday.
I feel like, Kevin Durant, this is the perfect time for him to come in because no matter what, they lost game one, so it can't be like, oh, well, he's fucking everything up. He can come in and win finals MVP and take it from Steph.
I'm talking myself into the take that Clay Thompson is actually the most important piece of that Warriors team. Ooh, okay.
Well clay did do his classic thing where they don't work if he so clay will come in and he'll shoot like seven for ten i love clay thompson so much because what he does is he like there will be games where he just disappears and there'll be games where like tonight where he just said i'm gonna score every single point and when i've said this before but when clay gets hot it is more fun than even when step Steph gets hot because it's there's something about the way he gets hot it's almost like a he his mood doesn't change he just it's just one of those things just happens and it just happens to Clay Thompson he doesn't fucking move the net when he hits threes and everything goes in for him he doesn't have to dribble and it's awesome and he plays great defense I think we figured out that sabermetrically heetrically he has the most points per dribble in NBA history just by the eyeball test. Yes.
So, I mean, the Warriors are going to be, I don't know, this is going to be pretty tough for the Raptors. Like, I feel like that was, I don't want to get, like, knee-jerk and say that's a series.
Let's get fucking knee-jerk. Okay, I'll say knee-jerk, you have to win that game.
It's over. Because you basically had that game going into the third quarter.

You had Steph with the flu or whatever the fuck he had.

You didn't expect Boogie Cousins to come in and do what he did

because he was pretty damn awesome,

especially considering the fact he hasn't played in forever.

And I'm going to make the early pitch for Draymond to get finals MVP

because he had 17, 10, and 9. He had triple-double game one.
He almost had a triple-double game two. He's everything for their team.
Yeah. What about Andrew Bogut? I think he was two for two.
I think he was two for two. I think he was two for two.
Yeah, he had two on all the ups. Lobs up there.
Yeah. High percentage efficient player.
Yes. Yeah.
I think that this is where the Warriors take over. Yeah.
I put a nice little bet on them to win the series going into this game. I feel really good about that.
It was one of those, like, that's my last move that I have. I had to fire a missile at it.
It's just, it also is one of those things, where's Drake now? He had the, did you see that this league, he had his sweatshirt, had a home alone, Kevin McAllister on the back. It was supposed to maybe be a shot of Kevin Durant? Yeah, just like Kevin on the back.
I have no idea. No, it was a shot of Kevin Durant, kind of, because it has his name.
Like, where is he? But he doesn't know the plot of Home Alone because Kevin was there the whole time. His family just left him.
And he kills the bad guys. If he was at a Packers game when Aaron Rodgers was playing, it would make more sense to have him.
And he wins the finals MVP of the movie. Yes, exactly.
So Kevin Dur yes exactly durant's gonna come back and do all that it was a classic this league because this league has gotten so out of hand with the petty wars that you can just put anything on a sweatshirt and everyone be like what well let me say what does that mean the real key to this is that guy fieri showed up tonight yeah guy fieri and obama sure obama went up to toronto and tampered with the entire nation of canada right in adam silver's face. I don't think that Canada can – they don't have any bullets left in the chamber.
You can't respond to a one-two punch of Guy Fieri and Obama. How sweet must it be to be like that level of virtue? He's like, yeah, I just want to go to this game.
I'm just going to go to this game. I'm just going to show up and fly private to this game.
That is – it's the Marlins' man dream where he wasn't there tonight. I don't think he goes to NBA games anymore.
No, he texted me. Oh, okay.
Thanks. There's actually a great Marlins man update today.
I didn't even know he texted you. He texted me a picture and then afterwards said, there goes the no-hitter.
Perfect game. Right after I took that picture, the very next pitch broke up the no-hitter.
What inning was it? I don't know. Bottom four.
Oh, there goes the no-hitter. Damn, there goes the no-hitter.
I was about to say, wasn't there like 13 runs scored in that game? Should have talked about it. Also, a few people sent me screenshots and videos of Marlins man tonight.
He was taking pictures behind home plate with a flash on. Classic Marlins man always shined the light on somebody else, not focusing on himself for the troops.
Marlins man, when I went to a Cubs-Mets game with him last year, and Jon Lester had a no-hitter through like five, I was like, man, this is awesome. The game's going really fast.
And he was like, yeah, that's what happens when there's no hits. It goes really fast because there's no one on base.
He's like, thanks, Marlins man. I get it now.
So, yeah, I don't know. The Warriors, I feel like this is going to, especially if Kevin Durant comes back.
I guess Klay is the big question mark now because Klay Thompson's out. That is a huge, huge loss.
That's stating very much the obvious. But I still feel like the Raptors could have done it.
If they had won tonight's game, it becomes a real, real hard hill to climb for the Warriors and they had uh Siakam played well tonight again well not not as I mean I think he only had like 12 points so yeah but he was but he was a five for 18 oh really yeah oh I guess no in the first half early on Siakam that's why I'm on is so good too like you know what it was figures guys out I I got deceived by a gif earlier in the game so he played pretty well in the first and second quarters yacham okay but he had that alley hoop where he could like he was so high up he could have bit the rim yeah to hang on and i was like he had an awesome game he had an awesome game no they put a good all on him i that's the thing the warriors like the the way they lose game one they're not going to lose that way again you You know what I mean? They're just too smart and they're too good.

And credit to Steve Curry, even though no one wants to ever give him credit.

He coaches a fucking good team.

I hope for some chaos when Kevin Durant comes back.

That's all that I have left to do for.

Yeah, that's what we've been hoping for the entire series.

All right, so the other two big stories we've got to get to.

We have Chris Mannix coming up.

He was at the fight on Saturday night, so we talked to him about the stunner andy ruiz 14 to 1 uh underdog beat anthony joshua for all the fat guys in the world but we need to talk about andy ruiz and like our king he is the common man king i love him i've never seen anything like this he is so out of shape even though he's still in like good shape he's one of those he's in pretty good shape i saw some videos of him training and he's not slow he's quick he's got good feet so we say he's out of shape compared to most people right that aren't in shape like us podcasters he's in bad and you can look flabby as a boxer and still be an incredible shape but it is funny watching a guy like that when he was so happy some of his

quotes were incredible just the contrast of his body against the his opponent joshua it was just insane like yin and yang the fact that uh so the the someone posted it on instagram anthony joshua winning the gold medal and uh andy reese in 2013 he had an instagram post that just said me chilling after I took a shit.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

And it's just a selfie in his bathroom. So that's where they were like five years ago.
And then the fact that Andy Ruiz got this fight on five weeks notice through an Instagram DM to the promoter. It works, people.
Incredible. Incredible.
He also said that he said for people were like going at him about the fact that he got the you know like hating on him whatnot he said since no other heavyweight wanted to take the fight was i supposed to not believe in myself this fight is for all my underdogs who are always counted out all my fat boys who are never given a chance uh overlooked simply for their weight hashtag snickers there you go hashtag snickers i love it also one thing that we're not talking about here yeah yeah he's a big dude right he's a chunk boy oh yeah but he's also a big representative for those of us in the third nipple community he's got a massive you're in the fourth yeah but i'm just saying like you know we'll take representation wherever we can get it the extraneous nipple community yes he's got. Yes.
He's got a big fucking third nipple. He does.
Right underneath the left one. It's like almost as big as his normal ones are.
That's the first thing I saw. It's great to see some representation out in the open.
The other thing I love about his nipples, there are two things I love about his nipples. One is the extra.
The second is that he's got the business tats, except the business tats just don't cover his nipple at all. Right.
He's got nipple-less bra of tattoo yes he got yeah he's got a whole chest plate he's got everything he said uh he said ever since i was seven years old fighting in amateurs my dad used to give me a snickers before every fight so the night so the pre-fight meal was a steak and a snickers for him so he does that and he like that's his only sponsor as far as I know. Snickers.

They call it a Mexican knife fight if it's a Corona mixed with a tequila.

What's a steak and a Snickers?

That's an Andy Reid knife fight.

Yeah, pretty much.

A double steak and a Snickers is an Andy Reid knife fight.

And Andy Reid's also a guy's guy because on his Instagram,

his third most recent post is him behind the Wall Street Bowl

just holding his nuts and saying, what all Mexicans have. Ha ha ha ha ha.
Fucking love this guy. I love this guy.
He is awesome. He is unbelievable.
Wait, was he talking about bull testosterone? Yeah. Because that's what Canelo testified.
Yes, that's true. We gotta check his pitch.
That's true. So we have more about that fight, the actual fight itself, not just how much we love Andy Ruiz, our king.
I do. Yeah.
Like, from an aesthetic point of view, I hope that he can defend his title because I want this. This guy's good for boxing.
Also, if he can stick around. Someone tweeted me last night, which was a good point.
He's going to be so fat for his 30 for 30 in like five years. It's going to be awesome.
He's going to put on a ton of weight. It's going to be.
But that's. He got paid, too.
That is the common man dream. Like, you have one night of absolute and then just live off of it.
I need to see what he spends this paycheck on because he's going to make some awesome purchases. He's going to get, like, four above-ground pools instead of getting one.
He's the man. He looks like Farva's stunt double.
Yeah. Yeah, if they did, like, a Mexican version of Super Troopers, he would be in it.
Who's the guy that dresses up in full pads for Cardinals? Is that Cortez? Yeah, Cortez. He looks like Cortez's lawyer.
Yeah, he's actually got a pretty nice goatee. He's pretty shaped up pretty nicely.
Yeah. And he had the Knicks jersey on.
And fuck, man, this guy is the man. So we have Chris Mannix coming up more about the actual fight.
Hank, aggro Hank, Monster Energy Hank. I can't believe Hank's been quiet this whole time.
Yeah. Cat got your tongue, Hank? Your Bruins shit pumped the Blues in game three.
Shit pumped. Shit pumped.
Shit pumped. It's over.
Series is over. You think so? Yeah.
The Blues have come back after every loss pretty well in these playoffs. But their goalie is the third worst goalie in the playoffs.
He looks very, very shook. He's rattled.
They let in seven goals. Three of them were goals he should have saved.
There's something so funny about a goalie getting pulled in a big moment. He's just like, I just don't have it, guys.
I'm out. I'm just out of the game.
I can't do this. Who was that goalie? Well, it was Patrick Waugh that gave up seven goals and they just kept him in the game.
And then immediately afterwards he requested a trade? I don't know. Or he demanded a trade? It's just so funny to see.
One bad day can totally ruin you as a goalie in any sport. I'm looking it up right now.
I think it's Patrick Waugh. Really? I think he got pulled after like seven goals.
And he was pissed off that they let him in so long. So he went over to his coach and goes, I'm not playing another game for you.
Oh, yeah. He gave up nine goals.
Nine nine goals on 26 shots yeah and got and then demanded a trade from the montreal canadiens yes while while the game was still going on they've been cursed ever since they have uh let's do some who's back oh before we get to who's back if you want to watch our interview with blake griffin we did it in the van and you can do that at barstool uh gold.com slash pmt so you can watch all of our interviews, BarstoolGold.com slash PMT. We got more coming up.
We did a bunch of interviews during Grit Week, so check them out, BarstoolGold.com slash PMT. All right, who's back of the week? Hank, you start.
You want me to start? Yeah, you start, Aggro Hank. Thank you.
My who's back of the week? I have a few. Oh, great.
Good. My first one is bee delays or bug delays.

Oh, fuck.

Sorry, PFT.

Oh, damn.

Dang it.

Anyway, everyone knows how much I love bee delays and bug delays and things.

What?

That's my – I love bees.

Trying to do my who's back of the week.

Yeah.

Keep going.

Bee delays.

What happened?

There was a bee delay in the Padres game.

Oh, nice.

Just a swarm of bees had a delay.

That time of the year, the summer, you know, you're going to get bug delays, bee delays, gnats. Oh, yeah.
Midges. I love a good one.
There's nothing. I love a good bee delay, bug delay.
It's great. I agree.
I love it. Thanks, Hank.
Thanks, Hank. You do too? Yeah, I do love bee delays, and it's like the first rob in the spring.
Every time there's a bee delay, you're good for about two of them a spring in baseball.

That's what really gets you.

It's those and the fights,

like an early season fight that'll get you to the All-Star game.

So yeah, big fan of bee delays too.

Thanks for bringing that.

Hank's a big fan of bee delays.

Hey, good news.

We watched enough porn to the point where there are enough bees

to cause delays in baseball.

True, true.

My other who's back of the week is Texas football.

Oh, good.

Oh, nice. Good.
I had that one one too hank a perennial back candidate they posted their highest gpa in team history this past semester oh wow 2.89 that's a good way to get everyone uh be like oh wait 2.89 yeah no you gotta see the graphic totally went over my head? You got to see the graphic they tweet out, too, because it was like, this is a big accomplishment for us. And then big letters, 2.89.
I would love to see what their lowest was. Prepared off the field.
Yeah. There's also definitely the 10 guys who don't get a scholarship are getting like 4.0s.
Uh-huh. And then everyone else is getting a nice little anchor from that.
Yeah, they've got like three backup kickers.

They've got two backup kickers they signed just so that they can bring up that GPA.

We've got to see the lowest.

The lowest would be so funny.

I was going to make fun of them for this because I had this as my who's back of the week as well.

Well, it was Hank's who's back.

But I had it as mine, but I decided not to use it because that's my GPA.

2.89?

Yeah.

Nerd.

Damn. Wait.
Embrace the bait. Nerd or yikes? That's exactly what I...
Yeah, because Hank used it. That's my GPA.
2.89? Yeah. Yikes.
Nerd. Damn.

Wait.

Embrace the bait.

Nerd or yikes?

That's not a nerd.

Okay.

That's to me.

It's true.

It's all relative.

Yes.

Book them.

That was your GPA?

2.89.

Yeah.

Damn.

Pretty good.

Yeah.

Doesn't matter.

Counted.

Yeah.

C's get degrees.

Got that piece of paper.

Right.

Is there anything else of mine that you'd like to take in? are back okay yes yes it's jewels jewel i'm in nothing like there's nothing you know like jewel just jewels rules wake up in the morning and just you know pft just no i don't know i'm in jewel of denial right now because i'm not sucking down any vapor uh i've been living that clean life how's I smoked a couple cigarettes. Oh, okay.
But again, like I said, that's to wean me off. Yeah.
Tools run the world. Ned Stark is back, too, because I've decided to wear my hair.
Like Ned Stark. Yeah.
Yeah, PFT came in today with the Ned Stark hair just out of nowhere. Yeah.
Well, Hank asked me to do it last week. Oh, okay.
Or like two weeks ago. He said, or you suggested it.

He said, have you ever thought about wearing your hair like Jon Snow?

I was like, did you kill someone this weekend?

Because when you change your hair that drastically, it's like, what's going on?

This is my jewel-less Joe Jackson hair.

Got it.

It reminds me.

Keep things in perspective.

Yeah.

All of a sudden, you could be back in the...

When was the Game of Thrones?

500s?

I don't even fucking know.

Well, it was actually Fantasy.

No, it was Fantasy. Whatever.
300 AD. Or maybe it was in the future.
No, 300. Like Star Wars.
Breaking news, we just saw a clip of Steph and KD walking in the tunnel together. They're back.
Best friends. Yeah.
My only who's back of the week, because Hank took all of them, was Ping. Ping's back.
Oh, because of baseball. Because of baseball.
Yeah. Because it's college World series season and i love the sound and and college softball world series yes which by the way i was actually going to do this in talking soccer going to do a quick talking softball but did you see the uh woman on ucla maybe like the greatest sporting performance of all time rachel gar, she's the pitcher.
She pitched 10 shutout innings, 179 pitches, 16 strikeouts, and then hit the walk-off home run. That's pretty cool.
That's insane. That's Bartolo Colon.
That is insane. That's like all time up there with performances that you could put up on the mantle.
That's just the plot from that movie with Gene Hackman, right?

Which one?

Brendan Fraser?

You talking about Hoosiers?

That's a basketball movie. No, I'm talking about the...

What is it?

It's basketball, yeah.

It's Indiana basketball.

And they win the state title, Deion, because he measures the nets.

He's like, still 10 feet high.

Brendan Fraser's still 10 feet high?

Yeah.

And then Brendan Fraser?

What's his name?

Comes out and is drunk all the time.

Shooter. What's his name? Comes out and is drunk all the time.
Shooter. What's his name? Mark Wahlberg.
Not Dustin Hoffman. Johnson.
No. What's the guy's name? Wait, the scout.
Yeah, it's the scout. That's what I was thinking of.
Yeah, it's Hoosiers. Albert Brooks and Brendan Frazier.
Oh, okay. Okay, yeah, that's basically the plot.
So he's this guy that the Yankees sign, and he's the best pitching prospect of all time. Are you talking about Steve Nebraska? Yeah.
Yeah, Steve Nebraska, dude. And then he pitched a perfect game.
Then he mashes ding-dongs. Yeah, 27 strikeouts.
He rappelled out of a helicopter like Barry Grylls to start the game. Greatest performance of all time.
All right, is that it? Until Rachel Garcia. Until Rachel Garcia.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, no, that's the only one that I have. Okay.
All right, I got a couple who's backs here. The state of Illinois is back because they legalized gambling and marijuana all on the same weekend.
That's like the greatest come up on a weekend that you could ever have. That's a mad chill.
Yeah, that is mad chill. Thanks, Hank.
He's not even paying attention. Hank is at the 15-year-old monster energy level right now where he's just not focusing and going through his Instagram.
And just annoying his parents at dinner together. So would you say that they're more like Las Vegas or Atlantic City now? Is it Chi Vegas? Is that what we're calling it? I think they're going to build a monster casino, too.
Like, it actually said monster casino. Hell yeah.
Yes. So that's a huge, like, a weekend win to have weed and gambling legalized in one weekend.
Here's the problem. What? Chicago is about to become the new bachelor party capital.
I know it kind of is. It's already a dark horse.
But it's about to reach Nashville, Austin, Charleston levels. Everyone's going to get gambling.
I feel like everyone's going to get gambling in weed eventually. So it will for a little bit.
But but once Nashville and Charleston catches up, then those guys will reclaim the throne. All right.
I also had curses. Curses are back because ever since Aaron Rodgers didn't chug his beer, which we'll get to in segments, the Bucs didn't win another game, and Matt LaFleur tore his Achilles and is going to be coaching out of a cart this spring i hope he coaches out of a golf cart yeah i think that's what he's going to do because once you become a golf cart guy you're never coming back yes once you taste the sweet nectar kind of driving every every every high school in america had one like pe teacher that got to use a cart because they got type 2 diabetes.
And there's no coming back from that. Kind of a smart move, though, to get injured, like, the first, you know, first year on the job.
Because they can't fire an injured guy. Everyone feels bad for them.
Like, oh, no, coach got injured. But Aaron Rodgers cursed their team.
100%. All right.
Let's get to our interview with Blake Griffin.iffin when your home system or appliance breaks down american home shield will help fix or replace the covered item no matter its age visit ahs.com slash listen for 20 off any plan cahs.com slash contracts for coverage details limitations and exclusions okay here he is Blake Griffin. Okay, we now welcome on our very good friend,

Best Friends. Okay, here he is, Blake Griffin.
Okay, we now welcome on our very good friend, best friends?

My best friend.

Best friend, recurring guest, Blake Griffin, nominee for Blake of the Year coming up soon.

Couldn't get the Blakes together, but we will eventually.

Thanks for inviting us over to LA.

Yeah, of course.

Anytime you want to come to a city, just let me know. any city yeah i mean for the most part yeah yeah you got a few places uh detroit yeah done done okay can we house sit in la you're here yeah if you want do you have a house sitter i have no i don't have a house sitter oh you should just empty i got somebody that goes by you know checks it you know i greased the police a little bit.
They go by once a day. I got a question for you right off the bat.
Are you intimidated that we have another Blake emerging for Blake of the Year and Brooks Koepka? A lot of buzz. Huge buzz.
A lot of buzz. Blake and I, when you've been doing this for so long, i don't know you see guys come and go yeah you know you you hope that you know they can bring out some competition and and um you know make things interesting but i mean we're we're veterans yeah you've been a blake all your life i yeah it's for 30 years now yeah have you got 30 oh you did hill.
Thank you. Yeah.
Have you ever thought about maybe teaming up with Blake and taking on the newcomer together? Teaming up with which Blake? With Blake, not Brooks. Take on a Brooks.
It's like a Blake union. Yeah, like a little, what they do, like the little packs.
Yeah, Survivor we should we should actually do have them vote

and you can't vote for yourself yeah a little intrigue because if you get rid of blake right away right well with only three people you're really in a tight pickle there's there was a part of me like a real conversation that was had like hey should i just name my upcoming child blake to just steal it, but it's not a good name.

So it's like it would be for a joke but then the joke would be like hey you have to be named blake for your whole life i don't know that many blakes i know two i actually know three and yeah two of them two of them are professional athletes yeah that's true yeah if you grew up playing lacrosse you probably know several more blakes that's true all right so there's a private school so steve blake steve blake there's another one world champion um blake shelton oh blake lively oh all right so that was us doing the blakes all right let's do a real question ready how's the knee knee's great yeah great. Yeah? That's great, yeah.
I saw you just willing yourself up and down the court in the playoffs. That was impressive watching.
A little mustard on my hot dog. You were milking it, though.
Yeah, a little mustard on my hot dog. They didn't have to wrap you from your ankle to your balls.
Oh, my God. You had the biggest fucking knee brace on I've ever seen in my life.
It was my other knee. I just put the brace on my good knee, and everybody's like, wow.

He's really doing it.

Yeah, no, that was actually impressive.

I mean, credit to you.

I mean, as impressive as a sweep could be.

Yeah, well, listen, Milwaukee's lucky.

We played him four times in the regular season, lost all four.

But, like, I guarantee you if we play a ninth.

Is Giannis, like, I mean, obviously we have no idea how unbelievable he is, like when he does his euro step is it just unguardable yeah we actually sort of played janice like somewhat well in like a couple of the games um but like game three he had like 11 points with like four minutes left in the fourth quarter and they were up 25 right and then the next game he had 40, and they were up 25. So it's just like Giannis is really good.
Their team is very good as well. Yeah.
It's demoralizing to have a good game against somebody defensively and then kill. Yeah.
How do you plan against Giannis, though? You back up. You try to let him get ahead of steam, and then as soon as he picks an angle, try to take a charge.

But he's so long, sometimes he gets around you.

What about, so I was thinking about this.

You know how he does that big?

He does the big right and then left.

As soon as he's going right, just turn around

and try to block him when he's going left.

Turn around.

Turn around, you face the basket, and block him from behind.

Like you're boxing out?

That seems like an easy way to do it.

I don't think that that's allowed.

Yeah, I could show you later.

You guys might have won a game if I had been on the staff.

There's a 100% reason why that hasn't been done before. You just turn around really fast.
You've got to anticipate it, and then you just block them on the line. You mean like a full pivot.
You're not talking about playing give it to the back. So you're facing such a surprise.
You do a spin move on him. Giannis is coming at you, and you're like, uh-oh, here comes the Eurostep,

and you just basically do it with him.

You mimic the Eurostep.

If I am aligned with him, he's going to make that layup because his arm would—

Well, then you've got to foul him.

Or just go to where Giannis is going to be.

He gets fouled every fucking play.

It's insane.

Oh, you mean they call it. They call it, yes.
They call it every play, yes. They call it a lot.
No, no, no. He shot eight more free throws than us in the game four, and then our entire team.
He shot eight more free throws. Blaming the refs? No, no, no, no.
The refs are great. Very, very, very good.
It's a hard job. So what happened with that video, the chant that was going on in Detroit? Honestly, no clue what I was doing.
It just got stuck in my head. It's a good song.
It was a refs you suck chant. It's a good song.
You just hopped in. That was a very, very funny clip.
They can't bust you for chanting along. If somebody else starts it and you just go along? The ref that was standing right there, I know well and I have a good relationship with him.
So he wouldn't give me a tag, but there's some that probably would have given me a tag if they'd heard. Did you get a letter from the league about that? No, not about that, but I got a few letters.
Did you get a contract from the Houston Rockets for that? They hate the refs. Yeah, they do.
No, they haven't reached out yet. Do you think that, like, we're conspiracy theor're conspiracy theorists, the whole NBA.
Every time they throw out a ref there, they explain that the refs have been decided before the series starts. But are there certain games where you're like, all right, this ref calls it completely different than the last ref? Oh, 100%.
Yeah. Like when I'm watching the games now, like as soon as the game started, I look to see who the refs are.
And I'm like, all right, that's not good for this team or this team. This style play, yeah.
Like, refs are human. Like, you know they like certain guys or they don't like certain guys.
It's weird. Like, I left the Clippers, and now some refs really like me and our team, and some refs, like, don't.
It's just like coaches, like, it depends on everything. Yeah.
I'm going to pivot real quick to the draft. We're real draft nicks on this podcast.
Oh, yeah. We get real deep into the weeds on it.
Do you think that it's a smart idea to try to build a franchise, like if you use a very high draft pick, around a big power forward with tremendous leaping ability? It seems like that's never going to win in the playoffs. Yeah.
Well, I mean, it could win. Well, not this year.
It could win some games. I don't know.
It got to the playoffs. Oh, I wasn't talking about you.
Oh. You were talking about Zion.
Zion, Zion, Zion. Wow.
You're so narcissistic. You always think we're talking about you.
Here I am sitting here thinking everything's about me. Yeah.
So they got two big guys down there. But that's like going against what the rest of the league is doing right now.
Right. They're building from the inside out.
Is that possible to win nowadays with that? Depends on who you put around. Like this makes me sound really old, but when I came in the league, the league was completely different.
I never like really went that far outside the paint. Dirk was the only big shooting threes.
Kevin Love, but he was like young then, so he wasn't like shooting like he is now. So like I used to average like 12 rebounds because I'd always be down there.
And fours, I'm, like, on the perimeter more than I am in the paint. Yeah.
You're money from three. Thanks, Doug.
You are. No, you are.
I told you that. I've been telling you that.
You're wet. Just keep shooting.
Oh, nice. Yeah, I'm trying to keep you up.
Wet money. Keep shooting that.
Soggy Bill. That's what they call you.
How sad were you when... That's pretty good.
That is a great one. That is Soggy Bill.
How sad were you when the Rockets lost? Your good friend Chris Paul. I would have rather seen them in the conference finals.
Oh, you're sick of the Warriors. No, but I love good basketball.
That was our best chance for good basketball. No offense to Blazers, but we saw.
Yeah. Wait, no, no.
The Rockets lost to the Warriors. You're saying that you would have rather seen those two teams meet.
Yeah, I would have rather seen the Rockets play the Warriors in the conference finals. That makes perfect sense.
You know what I mean? Has Kevin Durant been in touch with you about maybe coming to Detroit? No, not yet. But I was letting his season get over with, and then I'm sure he loves Detroit.
I'm sure. I don't know for a fact.

Chris Broussard said he loves Detroit. Yes.

Oh, that's a good feud.

Whose side do you take on that one?

Not Chris Broussard.

Why, dude?

Brew Crew.

He's got sources.

What does that mean to me?

It means that you're part of a select group of newsbreakers that break news first and ask questions later.

What was the shirt?

Brew Crew.

I just did a photo of his wonky-eyed.ed and it's just got a bunch of MSP all over the place and I sold like a hundred of them. I can't go with that.
I can't go with that. You know what you should do is right after the season is over, just tweet eyeballs at Kevin Durant.
Or just eyeballs in general. Oh yeah.
You can just do that anytime you want. Yeah.
Now you can you can free agency time you can start getting cryptic yes and just firing off just the most random i'm i think i'll i think we should pick like three emojis that i tweet every every day leading up to free well let's do this when before we put out this podcast can you tweet uh i'll we'll text you before the podcast comes out the day before can you just tweet eye emojis and then everyone be like what is he doing what is he doing and then he listens to this and you're like oh he's we're literally just punking you right now like you've just gotten to this part of the podcast yeah you thought that blake griffin was was doing something crazy what's up one horse we we are just idiots sitting here right now planning this and it worked you walked right into it. You idiot.
You idiots. God damn it.
That was good.

Fuck. Dude, the Amun wrote a story about it.
It was you. Yeah, you guys are idiots.
One story, they did a slideshow about it. What does this mean? Blake Griffin, eyeballs.
Oh, man, that was good. It's like when, like, no one cares.
It just doesn't get retweeted at all. No, we'll care.
We'll care. We will always get'll care.
Everybody retweet it. We'll get out there.
Oh, that's embarrassing. You left the tag on your shoe.
It's a classic zip tag. He hit me with that.
It's a fashion thing. It's LA.
Oh, speaking of shoes, I hit you up a couple weeks ago when I was getting my jump shoes. The jump soles, yeah.
So I got them. I've been walking around.
I didn't bring them on Grit Week. That's a perfect shoe to wear in Grit Week.
Yeah, they do look good. Look at that.
You think I'm going to be able to dunk? No. Yeah.
They work, right? Yeah, they do. It wasn't Larry Hughes, by the way.
Remember when I said Larry Hughes? It was somebody else in the NBA wish it was larry hughes larry hughes was a dunker yeah um we had matt barnes on the uh show that's my guy he said that he calls you big cat yeah what's up with that were you ever gonna tell me that this was like a while ago and it's really just him and you know a couple other people and then all my other friends now it's really just him i can't remember how he started calling me that. We should do Big Cat of the Year.
And you're in the running for it. You're in the running for both.
So hopefully you win one of those. If you lose both.
So honestly, we're getting close to Blake of the Year. I think the fair way to do it is we're going to hit up both you and Blake Bortles and tell you the week.
This is the week.

You'll have to be ready.

Yes.

Do you have travel plans coming up?

I do. When are you going away?

We'll work around your schedule.

I have to go to Europe for a Jordan thing.

Okay. Oh, wow.

You have to go to Europe.

That sucks, dude.

It's not for vacation. I'm going to be going to see...
Where is it? Europe. South of France.
Oh, my God. Monte Carlo? Is it? Barcelona.
No, no, no. It's Paris.
Paris for like a thing, and then there's... You know what? Stop in Nice? This is France.
God damn it. You stop in Nice for a couple days? We stop over in Nice, and it's a whole grueling thing.
Oh, man. You think Cleveland's bad.
Go to Nice. Jesus.
You guys don't want this live. No, you absolutely don't.
It's rocky on the beach there. You might hurt your feet if you walk.
It's not that great. Yeah, like, I can't relax.
No. Be careful.
Be careful. So, do you watch all the playoff games? Yeah, most of them, yeah.
Really? Yeah. You should do that thing where you just live tweet them and everyone's like man blake griffin's such a great analyst yeah don't go i wouldn't go inside there like nitpicking every little decision it's like all right why are they shading so much yeah i've noticed that's like the majority of the halftime breakdowns is kenny smith being like they didn't switch correctly here like this guy was a quarter second late i'll tell you what though i what, though.
I'm a sucker for that giant screen. Oh, when they run to the screen.
When Kenny starts to walk in. Yeah.
Shaq beat him. They do the race.
It's just like every time. It's just like that's just funny.
It is. Guys racing in suits, that's good humor.
It is. It is.
What do you guys, like when Charles Barkley calls people out? Because I feel like he calls someone out every other week.

Do you guys actually care?

I don't care anymore, but I think some guys care for sure, yeah.

Yeah.

Well, how did you get over that?

I just got to a point where I was just like, I don't care.

It's his job.

It's just Charles.

Yeah.

And I think it's just the voice, too, that he has.

It's tough to be mad at Charles.

Oh, Blake Griffin was terrible tonight. He was pretty good.
terrible you know you know kenny let me tell you something kenny but it does but it does piss some guys off is it just because like you're an old man yeah because he i think it's like the way he says it like he'll like when he like is going at somebody he like really like goes at him it's not just like he's like taking just like a small shot he's I think it's like the way he says it. When he's going at somebody, he really goes at them.
It's not just like he's taking a small shot. He'll never, you know.
Yeah, it's personal. Yeah, absolute.
Yeah. He was wrong about a lot of stuff, though.
Remember he was wrong about Yao Ming? And he had to kiss Kenny Smith's ass? That was a bet that they made. So Kenny Smith brought a donkey.
And then he kissed the ass of the donkey, and Kenny Smith was like, you didn't have to kiss my ass's ass, Charles. Fuck that one up.
Good old choice. I did like the mug shot that they showed him.
Yes. Is that when he got arrested in Milwaukee? How close are you to getting your own podcast? Because I'm worried about that.
I'm very close. Are you serious? I'm right on you guys' heels.
No, seriously, though. No, I think I actually might actually i know you are not but it won't be like sports and like it'll be it'll i'm gonna go a different direction you have guests yeah i'll have guests i'll have recurring guests and uh that sounds great i'll have a of the year contest so it's gonna be a sports podcast with guests no not sports other stuff not sports at all but some smart might talk some sports yeah yeah yeah all the guests first guest lebron james.
We won't talk sports, though. Kevin Durant, LeBron.
You ever hang out with LeBron? No. One time, we were in Vegas for USA, and he was playing Blackjack, and I was standing behind the table.
That's pretty cool. That was cool.
Kind of like a little remake of The Shop. Yeah.
Did you say anything? Did you cheer for him? No, I mean, of course, man. I was cool.
Team USA. Yeah, right.
Just hanging out. How do you think...
Blake. We're going to have Kevin Durant on the podcast this summer.
Are you really? I think. I think.
How do you think it's going to go when I call him a baby back bitch to his face? I wouldn't suggest doing that, but if you do... I think we have to.
I don't think there's a choice. I think you'll be very pleasantly surprised.
About what? Just like him, like your interview. Oh, I already like him.
Yeah, I've done a turn on him. We like him a lot.
But we do have to say it. Right, right, right.
And I think maybe I'll just lean back and be like, oh, maybe I'll just, if he hits me, I'll sue.

That's a good strategy.

I mean, you should just really lean into it, like, right up front.

Like, do the thing where you're like, can you clap for us?

And then he claps and then just bam. All right, we welcome on our baby back pitch, Kevin Rand.

The thing is, if we didn't say it to him, especially Big Cat, if Big Cat didn't say it to him, then he's more of a coward.

I'm like, that's a problem.

I take the throw.

Because he's been saying it behind his back the whole time.

Well, he listens to everything.

So not- Big Cat didn't say it to him, then he's more of a coward. I take the throne.
Because he's been saying it behind his back the whole time. His little baby back.
He listens to everything, so not really behind his back. Blog boys are in his head.
Always online. Is he an award-winning listener? No.
I think he's probably listened to some... Yeah.
He's listening to clips. Yes.
He's Revelle. Yeah.
Revelle passes along the clips that get edited for him to Kevin Durant. Yeah.
It's like a big, it's just like a snowball, a reverse snowball melting as it goes down the hill. How online are you compared to Kevin Durant? Do you look at the comments? Like right now, I'm like, I'm very online right now.
Yeah. You're just eyeballs.
But during the season, like I said, I think we talked about it. I try not to be online.
Do you just deactivate? No, I don't deactivate. Unless I go zero, dark, 30, 23.
Yeah. In the playoffs, that's why.
I haven't done it yet, but I could. It's always in the back pocket.
That would probably help. Do you like perfect booties? Yeah.
Too hard. I mean, be careful when you go zero, dark, 30, 23, and then you get accidentally like a perfect booties account.
I love that that's a thing. Oh, yeah.
Zero dark 30, 23. Yes.
The movie is about capturing Osama bin Laden. Correct.
Yep. You throw the 23 on there, it transforms it into locked in for the playoffs.
Yeah. I love it.
Yeah, it's great. It actually screws up the time, doesn't it? Because it would be like zero, dark, 30, minus 23.
So everyone's showing up at the rate at 7. I think it's 23 seconds.
Oh, yeah. It's 23 seconds.
Okay. Yeah, so if they had waited 23 extra seconds, he would have been out the window.
Yeah. Jumping his tall ass over the fence and run away.

The whole thing gets screwed up. Do you agree with Terry Rozier when he says that Osama Bin Laden should have hooped because

he's tall as hell?

Was that Terry Rozier?

Yeah.

He said it like seven years ago.

He's like, damn, he's tall as hell.

I didn't know.

I've seen that quote.

I didn't know that that was Terry Rozier.

Yeah.

That's a great quote.

It is a great quote.

Honestly, yeah, I probably should have hooped. Hand your kid in basketball.
Would have saved a lot of lives. Not a suicide.
Proof it. Yes.
Just like loving basketball. Osama Bin Laden was like a ball is life type guy.
He just like can't get enough of it. Played hand one shorts and shit.
Instagram of his wet fucking sky hook. He's got like the Instagram account where he does player impersonations.
This is Russell Westbrook and he actually just becomes a terrorist. Yes.
Yes. Oh man.
Alright I got one last question. Seeky question.
Promo code take. He actually looks kind of like...
Never mind I'm not going to. No yeah yeah.
We went all the way on that joke. We went exactly where we needed to go.
Nice try, brain. Yeah, nice try, but it's not today.
Not losing sponsors. I think SeatGeek is going to love that they're in the middle of this.
It's brainstem. All right, promo code TAKE, $10 off, SeatGeek purchase.
I actually don't have a last question. All right.
What do you do when you run out of questions? When I run out of questions? That's the question. It's practice for your podcast.
Oh, for my podcast? Mm-hmm. When I run out of questions, I'm going to – I haven't thought of that yet.
Yeah. Yeah.
See, it's tough. It's really tough.
Cross them up. You could ask somebody a really dumb question just like about passport day and then hold on to that for the next three months.
Yeah. And then it becomes a shtick.
Yeah. Did you guys get your shoes yet, by the way? You never sent them.
Oh, no, but you know, I used the service that you guys sent my recurring guest thing. Oh, you fuck.
You put it on that guy's back, huh? Yeah, there's somewhere. I'm actually really upset that we asked for shoes because now it makes sense that you did this.
I will send it. No, yeah, yeah, no, you will.
Did you ever get your recurring guest shirt? No clue. I've moved six times.
Somewhere, it's someone's dish rag. It's like underneath their sink.
We found like 20 of them, and we were going to give them out to everybody. And we were cleaning up the pile.
We found 20 of them in every size. And we're like, what should we do with these? Hand them out.
And we're like, no, let's just donate them to're like so now there's gonna be some some homeless people on the streets of new york i'm gonna walk by like what the fuck man come on yeah his name's gonna be blake yeah we seriously found him and we're like yeah we're like oh shit that's where they went like because we had a great idea we're like everyone who comes on we'll send them a shirt and then we sent like two people a shirt and then we lost all the shirts in the pile yeah well i'm i was in that pile so those shoes though i can't believe you guys fell for that yeah that sucks that was a nice long con last time for the context i don't even think we did it on air and then i thought you guys were gonna like ask about it during this we forgot yeah so after the show we're like hey blake can we i don't even i think you might have offered well you know you you asked on on the show yes when you were gonna get shoes and i said i'll get your shoes and then we went around the room and everybody said their size and remember and we give you our address and everything it was a whole fucking thing and i just remember that we don't have shoes So I'm going to be doing hilarious hijinks like that on my podcast. Blake's takes.
That's pretty good. Blake.
Are you going to be wearing clothes like that? 100%. Is this your new thing? No, I just saw this.
I just got a shipment of new Jordan stuff and I was like, oh oh, I got to wear that in the van. Yes.
Shaking Blake. Shaking.
Are we still doing podcast things? Oh, yeah. Blake to the future.
Boo. Honey, when are you going to go out and Blake those leaves? And it could be just a place where you can talk about a safe space for guys to get nagged.
Yeah. Yard work.
Yeah. Hey, you want to come up to my room and Blake out? Ooh, that's good.
That's a good name for a podcast. Blake out session.
Yeah, Blake out. Ooh.
That's good. That's really good.
No, I think I'm going to go. Blake, isn't this name shitty? Hey, welcome back to Shitty Ranks.
I'm Blake, obviously. Tomorrow we're going to be talking about the name Oliver.
That really sucks. If your name is Oliver, I feel bad for you.
So this is the part in Grit Week where we've just completely hit a wall. They were hallucinating.
They were hallucinating. Not high.
Again, not high. Yeah, it's crazy.

Can I just share something?

Yeah, please.

Before we started, they were like, yeah, for this episode, we didn't do any notes or anything.

Mm-hmm.

What?

You know what?

I'm sorry, Blake, but have you ever been to a Phish concert or a Grateful Dead concert?

Those guys know each other so well, they can just riff.

Right now we're jamming.

They fucking jam. I just think they always tell us, hey, don't get bored with the process during the regular season.
Oh, damn. This is the grittiest of the grit weeks.
Damn. You have to dig in and find something within yourself.
Mm-hmm. Okay.
No, no, that's fair. Tell you what.
I did prepare earlier for Manny Pacquiao. I mean, I'll read my notes.
For Manny Pacquiao. I can ask you Manny Pacquiao.
Just ask me a Manny Pacquiao question. Oh, okay.
If I answer the same as Manny Pacquiao. All right, we'll ask you the Manny Pacquiao questions we didn't ask.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I've got some extra ones here.
Why do you hate gay people? Next. Okay.
Okay. That was a question from Manny Pacquiao that we didn't ask.
Smart. You inch wrists Yes I do Boy that's a lot of girth Feel bad for your wife Yeah It helps me when I fight Because my wrists are so girthy Alright here's one When you you retire, are you going to run for

president of the Philippines?

Yes, I would like to now take this opportunity

to formally announce my

candidacy.

Candidacy.

I said my presidency.

My candidacy for president of the Philippines.

Thank you for your support.

Why don't you call out Fulbright Mayweather Jr.

What, are you going to call him? I don't have the number. Oh, call him out.
I thought it was Manny Pacquiao. Oh, yeah, yeah, no.
Why don't you call him out? Yeah, you Manny Pacquiao. Oh, damn.
You have no friends. I'll shoot you one right now just so that when you get up you can be like, oh, damn.
I'm going to shoot you one right now so that when you get up you're like, oh, what I meant. Hey, Manny, how come you only drink hot water and room temperature water? Well, because the body is obviously 96 degrees, 97.
98.6. Oh, you didn't go to college for very long.
That's what they call the Oklahoma flu. In the Philippines, we use a different metric system.
You know what the real answer to that is? I'm going to educate bit. This might help you out.
So if you drink room temperature water or like 90, not probably not 98 degree water. What room were you staying in? Just like a hot, if you drink hotter water, it uses less of your body's energy to warm it up.
Right. To process it.
Right. That's actually true.
Yeah. But I also heard that my dog trainer was saying you got to give your dog cold, cool water because it restricts something and they don't have to pee as much.
Okay. That's weird to hire a dog trainer for yourself.
Dogs are 96. That's what I got.
What kind of dogs do you have? Humans are 98. What? What kind of dog do you have? I have a German Shepherd.
You could just let your dog outside and let it use the bathroom. His name is Rook.
Rook? Yeah, like rookie but take off the I and the E. I like that.
Okay, so you're not that bad with names. You know who else owns a German Shepherd, though, right? Who else owns a German Shepherd? Okay, well, let's end the podcast here.
We've run out of stuff to talk about. Thank you, Blake.
As always. Blondie.
Real bitch. We're going to get right back to driver availability.
Fees vary based on purchase. More terms apply.
See Lowe's.com slash same-day delivery for details. Alright, back to part of my take.
And now... For something completely different.
Okay, we now welcome on Chris Mannix. He was there ringside on saturday night when the world was stunned he's gonna be there again next saturday night for triple g when he fights on uh days and you can go buy the app you can download it and watch all these great fights uh chris we gotta start obviously with with uh joshua versus ruiz saturday night people are saying it was like Buster Douglas versus Mike Tyson.
Not as much of a long shot, probably a little overreaction. But what the hell did we watch when we saw an out-of-shape, fat guy basically shock the world and beat the champ off of, like, out of nowhere? Yeah, I mean, biggest upset that I've've ever seen you're probably right that that the buster douglas upset was a bigger one but in today's you know multimedia world when you have so many visuals of you know this chiseled sculpture that is anthony j, you know, the dad bod of Andy Ruiz.
It just it's just hard to fathom a bigger one. There are a couple that that are more comparable upsets that people might remember.
You had a seam Rachman knocking out Lennox Lewis a couple of decades ago. Corey Sanders stopping Vladimir Klitschko, which I like better because Corey Sanders also had kind of that flabby torso that we saw with Andy Ruiz.
But, I mean, you just had one guy that looks like a great championship boxer and another guy that looks like he's pulled off the couch to fight him. So, aesthetically, you're not going to find many bigger upsets.
It was great. It was a great visual.
And with Andy, is there any truth to the idea that having a little bit of cushion can be an advantage to absorbing some of the body blows? I don't know, man. But I don't even know that it's an advantage because he didn't get hit.
And the one thing I love about Andy Ruiz is he came into that fight, and we would ask him in the fighter meetings,

how are you going to stand up to the body shots?

How are you going to stand up to the big power of Anthony Joshua?

He's just – I don't know if I'd use the word oblivious,

but that's kind of the best way.

He's kind of this guy that sort of nods his head and smiles and says,

all right, whatever.

I mean, I'm just going to come forward.

I'm going to swing, and he's going to swing,

and everything's going to be okay.

Like, he just doesn't – he didn't sort of fathom that Anthony Joshua could hurt him. I mean, he was down in that fight, but that's the first time he's ever been down.
I mean, this is a guy that gets hit a lot but, you know, doesn't seem to be hurt by it. So he's – I just don't think it ever occurred to him that Anthony Joshua hurt him with some of those punches.
So, like, the story is also insane. The fact that he basically got the fight because he Instagram DMed Anthony Joshua's promoter.
You know, there were people who were going back to his Instagram history, and it was like Anthony Joshua winning a gold medal, and Andy Ruiz, like, posting on Instagram how he just took a big shit and he was laughing about it.

Like, it's so funny watching them side by side.

So you're calling the fight.

You're talking to these guys beforehand.

Was there any part of you that thought this could happen?

No, honestly.

You know, Ruiz, like, I didn't dump all over Ruiz as much as kind of other people did because, you know, covering boxing, you know who Andy Ruiz is.

And I'll see he was coming up the ranks that he was once a pretty good prospect. And watching him fight over the years, you knew that he had fought some really good fighters.
The only loss he'd ever taken was in his first title shot. He lost it by, like.
It was a tough loss to Joseph Park. So I knew he could fight a little bit, but I didn't think he'd be able to take the power of Anthony Joshua.
And you saw it in the third round of the fight. He took that massive left hand, put him on the canvas, and you're watching it.
He gets up, and it's like, wow, he got up, but there's no way he's going to be able to stay up i mean anthony joshua one of the the best aspects of his game is that he is this kind of composed and patient finisher he doesn't rush in wildly he takes his time and he picks you apart and that's how he gets knockouts uh throughout his career he came in and i thought he'd land something big and andy ruiz got up sure as shit, he just punched right back and landed those big shots that changed the course of the fight. You talk about the best things I've seen.
That third round was one of the best rounds I've ever seen. Watching Andy Ruiz with his big, fat midsection getting off the deck and coming back and blasting away at Anthony Joshua was really a sight to see.
Is that, in your opinion, that's like, was there a light bulb that went on for Ruiz where he's like, I can, you know, I can do this when he got up and he was able to kind of fight back when it was a make or break scenario for him in that round. Was there, was there like a moment where you saw him like gain a little bit of that confidence? He's like, I can do this.
Oh, a hundred percent. I mean, I think it's when he landed.
I think there was a temple shot to Anthony Joshua there, and you saw Joshua stumble a little bit kind of sideways, and you knew he was discombobulated in that moment. And one thing Ruiz had confidence in coming into the fight is that it's not like Joshua's got this great reputation of having a granite chin.
I mean, his biggest fight to date was against Vladimir Klitschko, and Vladimir put him on the deck. But in previous fights, he'd been buckled pretty badly.
You know, he fought Dillian White in one of his bigger fights earlier in his career, and he got wobbled. His last fight against Alexander Povekin, first round, he was buckled pretty badly.
Andy Ruiz knew coming in that if he landed the right shot, he could hurt Anthony Joshua. And, you know, the one thing about watching Joshua is that he's 6'6", but he fights like he's 5'10".
Like he doesn't use that height to his advantage. And people that follow boxing, whether it's Lennox Lewis, who's like 6'6", 6'7", Vladimir Klitschko, same thing.
They fought like big men. They used that jab and they kept you off them.
Anthony Joshua just couldn't keep Andy Ruiz from charging in Adam. And once Ruiz landed that first big shot, I just think he knew that there was blood in the water.
I like that saying that you use because anytime there's an upset, you usually get a handful of people that say, like, those of us who follow the fight game aren't surprised by this one. I't heard a single person say that about this fight everyone's surprised oh yeah but i mean the biggest surprise though is just that it's just what ruiz's chin was like he in one thing andy said coming in he said in his last championship fight the one i mentioned against joseph parker he was really upset with himself that he didn't let his hands go towards the end of the fight.
If he had, and his promoter had told me the same thing, his previous promoter, he believes he would have won that fight. Everybody else that knows him believes it.
He said over and over to us coming in, I'm not going to have that problem this fight. I'm letting my hands go.
So sure, as I'm sitting there listening to him say that, I'm like, all right, we can let your hands go. You're going to catch something big coming back, and there's no way that this block of cheese here is going to be able to stand up to Anthony Joshua.
But when he got off the deck and took that first punch and rallied after it, that was the one thing I don't think anybody expected. I think we expected him to give Joshua problems with his speed and his skill, because like I said earlier, he is and has been a pretty pretty good prospect but I don't think anyone believed he would take that big shot and be able to keep coming forward so the one thing that is kind of like uh Buster Douglas and his upset with Mike Tyson which was again 42 to 1 which is a lot different than it was anywhere from 11 to 1 to 14 to 1 last night but the one thing that is similar is the Douglas Tyson fight was supposed to be a tune-up for Tyson to fight Evander Holyfield and you had the two undefeated guys going in the prime this one feels like we got robbed again because it was supposed to be Anthony Joshua and Deontay Wilder at some point fighting being you know the the kind of big time heavyweight fight that you don't get very often, and now that luster has been taken away.
Do you think, like, did boxing lose a little bit last night? Obviously the story is unbelievable, but not having those two guys be able to fight undefeated. Yeah, I mean, I would be more disappointed if the Wilder fight was set up for the next one, if this was, as you said, kind of an official tune-up.
We knew coming in we weren't going to get the Deontay Wilder fight until at least 2020. So in a way, it kind of makes the rest of 2019 more exciting because we're going to get a rematch with Ruiz, and I think there'll be a lot more hype for a rematch with Ruiz than there would be for whatever Joshua's next fight was going to be.
You had a mandatory defense against a guy named Kubrak Pulev or somebody else fighting overseas. This at least creates more intrigue, but long term, yeah, I mean, you're just pissed off because we were deprived of what would have been the biggest fight in boxing that can be made today, a fight that I thought would be the biggest fight in the heavyweight division really since some of the big fights they had in the 1990s.
We're not going to get that. The aura of invincibility around Anthony Joshua is gone.
And look, it was always a big risk. One thing about these heavyweights that we love and what makes this division more fun than it's been in a while is that they're all vulnerable.
I mean, Deontay Wilder went on social media and was acting like a pretty big dick when he was going after Anthony Joshua, but he's vulnerable. Like, he's got a chin that's been suspect.
Tyson Fury, great personality, but he's got a chin that's been suspect. You knew that if these guys waited too long to face each other, something like this could happen.
And sure enough, you know, here we had last night. Yep.
So for somebody who's not a student of the fight game, like a hypothetically myself, I'm just asking about myself, uh, who, who is the last big upset, uh, you know, somebody that, that gained a title that went on to defend that title in the rematch oh that's a good question uh on this level i don't know i don't know that there's been i don't know there's been somebody that that has been this big an underdog and has been able to defend it that next time out. I mean, the fragness here, guys, is that if he's able to defend it, it wouldn't be that big a shock.
I mean, they're going to have the rematch in November, December, probably in Wembley Stadium, 80,000 strong in the U.K. I mean, one thing about Anthony Joshua, when he constructs deals with opponents, he has you by the short hairs with some of these.
You know if he loses, he's going to have you on his home turf, in his hometown, in a rematch type of fight. But it goes back to what I said about Andy Ruiz.
He's just kind of oblivious. I mean, there were 18,000, 19,000 fans in the Garden on Saturday night, and Andy Ruiz didn't seem aware of any of them.
He just sort of rolls into the ring, big smile on his face, yada, yada, yada, and just goes out and just boxes the fight of his life. I think he's going to go into the UK sometime later this year and have that same type of attitude.
And I think if Anthony Joshua doesn't substantially change, and I go back, I mentioned the fight with Corey Sanders and Vladimir Klitschko. After that fight, Vladimir Klitschko hired Emanuel Stewart, and Emanuel Stewart changed the career of Vladimir Klitschko.
He taught him how to fight like a big man. Anthony Joshua might need something like that because this is a career moment.
If Anthony Joshua loses the second time to Andy Ruiz, I don't know how it's recoverable, but I don't believe that it would be a stunner is what I'm saying. If Andy Ruiz is able to do it and, and repeat what he was on Saturday.
The biggest, the biggest thing Andy Ruiz has to go against is the Buster Douglas. Like don't put on too much weight and get, you know, get all those, get all the endorsements and everything.
All right. last question.
We were talking to Chris Mannix. He called the fight on Saturday night for days, and you can go download it right now.
They've got a great fight coming up next Saturday with Triple G, who's also a recurring guest. So my last question is, Chris, you obviously know about our Rough and Rowdy League.
You wrote a story about it. We talked in the past.
Does Andy Ruiz winning open the door for future Rough and Rowdy champions for possibly getting the heavyweight championship? Should we make the heavyweight championship unify the belt with the Rough and Rowdy belt? Because this was Andy Ruiz is basically a Rough and Rowdy fighter. He's 100%.
I swear to God, I thought of that during the build-up. Yeah, I was down there.
What was it, in Charlotte a couple years ago. And I got to tell you, no bullshit.
That was one of the more fun experiences that I've had, going down there and just watching these guys blast away each other. How fast you guys move them along, where it's like one big knockout, and here comes the next guy in the ring.
I met the milkman down there for the first time, which is one of the great experiences of my career. Andy Ruiz looks like a guy that should be down there.
It's like an opportunity to market, to bring Andy Ruiz to the next barstool thing, especially if you have one out in California. If you have a big heavyweight and you have guys down there that look like Andy Ruiz and a big heavyweight who wins by dominant fashion, if you interview him, he should call on Andy Ruiz.
Sometimes your next one over the next six to eight months is going to take that long to have Ruiz defend that title. Either bring Andy Ruiz to Ruffin Rowdy or have that, your champion, call out Andy Ruiz.
But obviously Andy Ruiz is a far superior athlete than anything we've had in Ruff and Rowdy. But the one thing that is similar is that we have had heavyweight fighters at Ruff and Rowdy who have similar chins.
And that they'll just eat punches and eat punches and eat punches and not move. And there is something about those type of guys that if they can just eat punches eventually they'll they'll they'll connect with one and it's lights out yeah of course it it is the biggest difference is that one thing i noticed being down there is all of my notebooks like 45 seconds in these guys were gas oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah they all think they all think they know what it's like to be in the red over and it And it's funny watching these guys.
I did a bunch of interviews down there.

One guy's a Marine, and one guy's the Anthony Joshua type,

guys that look like they're in tremendous shape.

All of a sudden, at the 50-second mark, they're just dragging ass down there.

Yes, it's true.

It's true.

So I think if Andy Ruiz fought a rough and rowdy guy,

he could just move around the ring for 50 seconds

and then knock the guy out at 61 seconds.

Yeah, push him over. All right, both these guys in their primes, Andy Ruiz, Butterbean, who wins? Oh, yeah.
One thing I thought was a lot of stuff out there. Like, Andy Ruiz compared to Butterbean, which is so stupid.
Why, because Butterbean's a legend? Oh, oh. Okay, never mind.
No, but Andy Ruiz is like a butter—I think Andy Ruiz flattens Butterbean, I think, at some point. I think in a professional boxing match, you know, 12 rounds, I think Andrew Ruiz puts Butterbean down.
Butterbean, you know, knocks out Johnny Knoxville and Jackass in the middle of the store. Like, that's...
Andrew Ruiz flattens him in the ring. No, he knocked out...
Who did he fight again? He fought Ken Shamrock, I think. He did.
He had a couple of days. He has no neck, so he can absorb those punches.
Yeah. It's just the distance.
You put the guy in there for longer than one round, I think it would go badly for Butterbean towards the end of that fight. I think he fought Bart Gunn.
I can't remember. He fought a bunch of people.
He knocked out a bunch of people. It was the best when he would fight somebody.
They would just set up fights against somebody that was really attractive because it was so much fun watching butter being just like out of a kindle yeah he got hit a lot though didn't mean it took the end like oh yeah he got blasted on there i don't know if he'd hold up to andrew ruiz andrew ruiz's greatest strength they're not in this hypothetical like who cares but andrew ruiz's greatest strength is hand speed man like joshua didn't see any of those punches coming like he just threw themes. And when he connected with one, he connected with four or five.
That's how he put Joshua down. It wasn't, like, Wilder two weeks ago, we saw him just put Dominic Brazil down with a brutal right hand.
Andy Ruiz puts you down with, like, five, six punches that just gets you before you see any one of them coming. Yeah, I mean, again, it's definitely tongue-in-cheek, but it is true boxing even compared to to mma when you look at the ufc versus boxing the hand speed is just night and day that's why the boxers are boxers because they can fucking punch as fast as they can it's insane to watch uh chris manix thanks so much this was how about a start for for uh days and i know you guys have been around for a little bit, but man, some might even be asking questions.
Was this a

setup?

I left that fight.

You always want to see

the marquee attraction.

If you're a zone guy, see the marquee

attraction win and

move on, but that highlight was

everywhere. Everyone's

talking about it on social media in the

aftermath. We're talking about the biggest upset

in maybe 30 years.

It's hard to think that

Thank you. Like, you know, everyone's talking about it on social media in the aftermath.
I mean, we're talking about the biggest upset in, you know, maybe 30 years.

It's hard to think that that wasn't a good idea.

Yeah, and the watermark was on all those videos immediately, too.

Also, so I just heard you pronounce it DAZN.

Yeah, I keep fucking it up.

That's a long-embraced debate that we've had here.

Is it D-A-Z-N, DAZN, DAZN?

What is the correct nomenclature? Officially, the zone yes the zone okay we're never gonna get that right

as fast as they can in the u.s all right we got it to zone that was actually that that's an

important distinction that we got there chris manix thanks so much man appreciate it hey fellas

now that i'm back at sports i have already pitched a chance to go back and write something

new about ruff and rowdy let's go back there Back there at the next one soon. Hell yes.
Hell yes. Thanks, man.
Okay, let's get to some segments. We have, starting off, problematic.
So we mentioned this in Who's Back, but every quarterback in the National Football League is chugging beers irresponsibly. Mitch Trubisky did it very fast, might I add.
Patrick Mahomes did it. Josh Allen did it.
Well, no, Patrick Mahomes chugged a white cloth. A truly.
It was a truly. He went claws up.
It was a truly. Thanks for truly being a great sponsor.
It was pretty quick. Patrick, I'll be frank.
Patrick Mahomes was faster than I thought he'd be. Yeah.
But still not great. everyone's sex life yeah that's pretty much that's about it for me well no I agree though like come on quarter you're supposed to be the face of a franchise not the liver right TB12 is going to show up to game 5 at Boston and just put all these poor boys I hope not Mitch chugged it pretty fast the only problem what Mitch did was you can't chug it next to an offensive lineman.
Because an offensive lineman, Kyle Long, friend of the program, was like he just sucked that thing. His was still slightly horizontal though.
You gotta go full vertical. Alright, so then what if TB12 doesn't go full vertical? Well, Tom Brady can chug a beer.
We've seen it. That's true.
No, he've heard. No, he did that on the Tonight Show.
Oh, that's right. Yeah, and then we got John Tafferty to analyze whether or not it was real beer.
That's right. According to him, it was.
That's right. But it's problematic.
I'm waiting for this. Someone's going to do that.
Someone's going to be like, this is a bad tone to set for the children of America to drink their beer so fast. I agree.
It's binge drinking. No coincidence.
You're being a bad leader. You're supposed to represent an entire city, and all these kids at home are going to be like, wow, hey, maybe if I can drink beer, I'll be cool too.
Well, yeah, you will. That's kind of how it works.
They should really work this into the game. Instead of a two-point conversion, your quarterback just has to chug a beer faster than their quarterback.
Then you get the two points. Or maybe that's how they – yeah.
I don't know how they need to do it but they need to have it in in the game so that we not only get like actual plays get decided by chugging beer but then we get like a drunk Kirk Cousins off two beers also maybe he's like Peter Griffin when he gets drunk he's just a genius he actually completes passes well then Johnny Manziel would be signed immediately that's true yeah you Yeah, you'd have that. Jamarcus Russell, impact player.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

I want a quarterback that can chug a 40 faster than they can run one.

Yeah, I like that.

I mean, wouldn't it be great, though, if football figured out a way?

Like, I don't know, maybe just preseason.

Test it on the preseason.

Instead of extra points, it's chugging beers.

Get rid of kickers, or I'll have the kickers chug the beer.

Oh, my God, that would be fun.

Well, it's Sebastian Janikowski.

Actually, they should just bring Seabass back as a quarterback if that's the rule.

Yeah, and just let him chug for everything.

Doesn't even have to be a rule.

He's just chugging.

He actually strikes me as a guy that would have just an IV of vodka on the sidelines

just wheeling around with him if it was acceptable.

Oh, breaking moves.

Breaking moves.

Hank, what do you got for breaking moves? Blake Griffin is officially not being traded. Oh.
Okay. I hope you listened to the Blake Griffin interview because it was hilarious, but we put in a little nugget there for everyone when he tweeted out the eyeballs emoji on Sunday.
Which he did. Yeah, he did.
Which he did. He did earlier today.
And everyone started freaking out, and people said, well, he's been asking for a trade,

so it makes sense for the Hawks.

Yeah.

And there were message boards and everyone.

I don't know why the Hawks.

We got you dorks.

We're the hot team, but that's just kind of how the weird world of NBA Twitter works.

Yeah.

It's because Trey Young also tweeted, like, separately from that, he was like, it's crazy

how fast things change.

Whoa.

Okay.

So people were connecting dots that didn't exist.

This league.

Damn. What was the Breaking Moves brought to you by uh what was the breaking moves brought to you by uh the breaking moves was brought to you by chocolate milk isn't that right pft yes well hank now that you have i'm trying to figure out how the fuck what is this ad read i don't get it keep all this out keep all this in do it read it this is good ad space for chocolate milk all right now so here's the ad well hank now that you've gotten the hang of reading words for the most part let's see how you do stringing a sentence together at bill with chocolate milk we love stories about recovery so let's play a little game we'll give you two words you tell us a story about recovery using those words okay we'll start easy this week's words are colloquial and thirst quenching.
Ooh. Okay.

Go.

I was at the gym in my building three days ago.

Okay.

Crushing some shoulders, a little bit of bi action. Oh, you're going back to the boulders for shoulders?

Permanently.

I'm in a permanent state of searching for boulders.

Boulders?

On your shoulder?

About that rock life?

I'm about the boulder acquisition life.

Okay.

And I had a colloquial stress in my right shoulder. But thankfully, afterwards, I was able to have a thirst-quenching chocolate milk to help repair my colloquial stress in my right arm.
And now I feel great. So thank you to chocolate milk.
I like how Hank used the word colloquial to mean collar and like local. Yes.
Like a local injury to my collar is colloquial. And like a light strain.
What would you say Clay Thompson's hamstring? Minorly colloquial. I'd agree, doctor.
Learn more at builtwithchocolatemilk.com. Oh, man.
Actually, speaking of the prognosis for the doctors, did you guys see one of my favorite things in all sports is when fans will say their injury and be like, well, if he's not back fast enough. Some guy tweeted me, calf injuries are no joke.
It took me a month to come back from mine, but I'm 75% fatter than Kevin Durant. If he's not back by game four, he's officially soft in my book.
Yeah. No, listen, if you sprained your thumb playing Halo, then you know exactly what Steph Curry's finger injury is.
It was the best when Derrick Rose got his first injury. People would call into Chicago Sports Radio and be like, well, I tore my ACL and I was playing golf within eight months.
So he should definitely be able to cut on a dime. And that's the same guy that's just like back.
If you go back in history like 30 years, we didn't have terms like ACL. You just died.
You got your ACL. It was my knee blew out.
Yeah. And then it was it.
You were like, I was all state, and then my knee blew out.

Yeah, I blew my knee out.

Or it's like I threw my arm out.

Yeah.

It's like, no, that just means you don't have a UCL anymore.

Tommy John just hasn't been invented yet.

Yeah, my hand is just permanently tingling at my side.

It's like the stranger from now on.

Yeah, yeah.

Once you blow your knee out, back in the day, it was over.

Blew it out.

I threw my back out one time.

Yeah, boom, done. Just shoot him like a horse.
I threw my back out one time. Yeah.
Boom.

Done.

Just shoot him like a horse.

All right.

We have talking soccer.

Liverpool won.

And that was talking soccer.

Also, there was a streaker who was attractive.

Yeah.

It was a nice little change of pace.

It was a very nice change of pace.

Motion to not qualify them as a streaker if they're wearing clothes.

She might have had a slip.

I don't think so.

I think the nipple.

There was a little nip slip, I think. I think if Mr.
Nipple shows up. Now, this is an advantage to those of us of three.
So I could be wearing a sports bra as long as my third and fourth, I'm still a streaker. Yes.
But I must confess, I did not examine the woman streaker to see if she had four nipples. Yeah.
So she could have been a streaker. That was a terrible game, by the way.
I'm sorry. I love Yogo Benito, but that was a gross game.
Agreed. It was kind of cool in the first 30 seconds.
He was paying attention. When he just kicked the ball out the guy's arm.
Yeah. His arm was out, and he was like, I'm just going to aim at it.
And then, of course, you're like, oh, a goal? Because, like, soccer, if you get a goal early, then everyone presses and all this stuff. And you're like, this is going to be awesome.
Nope, not another goal for another fucking 86 minutes or whatever it was but liverpool good job yeah you want yes you want you won one of the things yeah you want a big no this is the big one wait pft what happened uh with the usa rugby usa interesting usa rugby good point hank won second place not in the world and so they are now no that's in the world we're still in first no that's the end of the entire season we're in first so we finished second second all that for fucking second we finished second jesus christ hey i thought we had it's way higher than we've ever finished yeah all we do is beat fiji by a little bit and we would have won yeah fiji's the best country in the world oh so that okay got it well good point hank not bringing this it was very mysterious that that wasn't brought up. It would have led the show.
It would have been like, hey, today is Monday, June 3rd, and USA Rugby is number one by finishing two all year long. We had a tough injury.
What was going to be funny was if the U.S. No, we didn't actually want to talk about rugby.
I'm sorry. No, but listen.
If the U.S. had beaten Fiji and Fiji had finished fourth and the U.S.
had finished second, we would have won the entire thing

by finishing second.

What if?

All we had to do was win and we would have won, right?

Yeah.

All we had to do was win one and we would have won.

In rugby, I say this all the time, in rugby you can't win and lose

at the same time.

Right.

You can just finish second all the time.

You can win second.

And then maybe sometimes have Fiji finish low enough to win it all. You can win second and sometimes still lose first.
Right. And that's what happened to us.
That sucks. Just learned a tough lesson that way this weekend.
All right. Before we get to our Monday reading, trouble in paradise.
Odell Beckham is already upset at the Browns. Maybe.
Well, yeah, that's a spicy take. Yeah.
So he's not at OTAs. Freddie Kitchens is not happy.
Nope. He's like like I wish he was here to learn the offense it is a little weird it's one of those things that uh Odell Beckham I do think he gets like lumped in to when everyone's like oh yeah the prima donna wide receiver and the guys who detract from the team he's very emotional but he doesn't really he doesn't do the Antonio Brown like throwing the ball at Ben Roethlisberger and then showing up for Week 17.
I wish he would throw the ball at Ben Roethlisberger.

Yeah, that would be great.

But he will have a chance probably with a trick play maybe this year.

But it is weird that he's not showing up.

And it's like you kind of want your guy to show up.

Yeah, it's OTAs.

So Kitchens doesn't know that you're not allowed to say the quiet part loudly.

Right.

Which is he needs to be here for OTAs.

Wasn't there a quote like they're optional but so is winning Or something like that? That's true. That's very true.
I want to use this occasion to point out maybe a more serious issue, and that's that Tom Brady isn't at OTAs either. Oh.
So is this the beginning of the end for the Patriots? Did you see his Instagrams? He's been putting on a fucking clinic. Yeah, can you really? An off-season clinic.
Yeah, like on the beach. He's like out in California.
You can't accomplish any sort California. You can't accomplish any sort of event with Julian Edelman, Guy Fieri, helping the kids out.
You can't spend a week in California and accomplish anything, Hank. You don't like charity.
Best buddies. Come on, man.
The videos of him on the beach in full pads and a helmet are as inspiring as it gets. Did you guys see? Like it takes vacation to the next level.
It's like, damn, he he's still grinding did you guys see the nfl network ran the qb competition uh marathon on saturday it was incredible jim harbaugh took it way too seriously and like some of these like scott mitchell was so fat i forgot like i like kind of because he got really fat after yeah i saw him on biggest yeah he's on biggest loser so you're like oh man that's really fat scott mitchell but you forget that he was really fat in the game yeah while he was playing and sometimes you lose track of how fat some of these guys are because in the mid-90s everybody wore a quadruple xl white t-shirt yeah like with graphics printed on the front they look you know how sorority girls dress now yeah the giant baggy t-shirts and the nike shorts that was actually the standard issue for a starting quarterback. And it looks good.
From like the NFC Central between the years 1992 and 97. By the way, while I was watching it, there's a Blake of the Year nominee that we need to get in touch with.
Jeff Blake. Forgot all about him.
Yeah. It was hilarious because the quotes were like, we found our quarterback.
Quarterback of the future for the Bengals. He was okay for like a year.
Yeah, he made a Pro Bowl. Yeah.
So, all right, let's do our Monday reading. This one's a doozy.
Let's start. So it comes from – it came from the Twitter relationship text.
So I think it came from a Reddit forum. And it's – the title is, My boyfriend, 28 male, wants me, 27 female, to take a dump in front of him to prove that I'm not cheating.
Okay. Respect.
Set the table there. Respect.
All right. We start with, I've been with my boyfriend for just over a year now.
I live alone and he frequently spends the night at my apartment. We have a healthy trusting relationship.
However, I'm aware that his previous girlfriend cheated on him. Red flag.
Number one prior to this week, he has never expressed any lack of trust in me. My apartment is fairly old, so it takes a while for the water to heat up.
Sometimes, while I'm waiting for the shower to get warm, I take a dump. That's weird to say I take a dump for a girl, but whatever.
That's fine. I don't want to flush the toilet and screw up the water temperature.
My butt pukes. So I'll take a dump.
No, a little flower comes out of my tuchus. So I'll take a dump, shower, and then flush the toilet.
A few days ago, I spent longer than usual washing my hair. That's a dangerous game real quick.
Yeah. So it's a very dangerous game, especially if you're at a stranger's house or in-laws or something like that, and you do the move where it's like, I'm not going to flush the toilet after I'm done pooping because I don't want to affect the water.
Right. Probably 40% of the time, you're going to forget to flush that toilet.
And then the next person in there is going to be in for a whole bowl of Hershey's treats. The grossest thing ever is to walk into a bathroom and just have a shit there.
Yep. It's like where you feel like you're at a bar at 2 a.m.
I've done that before. And let me tell you, just make sure, just deal with the hot water.
Yeah. So, yeah, it's definitely a good tip to just deal with the hot water.
So she says, yeah, a few days ago I spent longer than usual washing my hair and just completely forgot to flush when I left the shower. I know.
I know. I am a wild animal who deserves to live in a barn.
Let's move on. She even, like like we're gonna actually like stick on this part too long yeah because we just did because we did but yeah but you're fucking psycho but you left behind evidence you left your poop that you pooped i don't think you realized you left your poop let's move on all right anyway my boyfriend came over later that night he went to the, stayed in there for a few minutes without making any sound,

and then emerged with a completely dead look on his face.

He asked whose shit was in the toilet.

That's, this is, the boyfriend, like, you just gotta flush it and pretend it didn't happen.

Yeah, but I understand what the guy's going through because if it was a really gnarly one and he walked in,

he's like, what?

It's actually a compliment to you that he didn't believe that something so vile right out of his little girlfriend's butt right i was mortified and explained that i had forgotten to flush but he just kept on asking whose shit it was to the point where it became obvious he wasn't trying to tease me then he said what guy shit in your toilet that must have been a hell of a shit a hell of a dump you should have taken a picture yeah i guarantee and send it to your friends well he probably took you want to be a real guy yeah yeah i bet everyone everyone has had that moment uh and this is going to probably end up getting me more poop texts but everyone's had that moment in their group text chain with some of their friends where you get that phase of people sending each other shits and you're like this has got to end sometime i've been on multiple threads that are basically just devoted to sending pictures of your shit to your friends yeah the one i'm thinking about right now that's why snapchat was invented right to send your buddies pictures of your shit that will disappear and now that they have like millions of people using it they're like we need to figure out how to improve the world with an app that was designed just to show pictures of the inside of my butthole yes to my fr brother. This part was a bad decision on my part because I am thinking of one of my best friends right now who's probably listening to this moment and is going to shit and then send the shit to the group text.
And I'm like, we were over this five years ago. We moved on.
I'm laughing thinking about the boyfriend walking in there looking at the bowl filled with shit and the first thought is like, this is a guy's shit. Yeah.
Who? I can spot a guy's shit. I've been making a guy's shit my whole life.
He got like right up to the bowl. He probably took pictures and then started like getting different angles of it so he could make a 3D model of the shit.
It's like a Chipotle burrito extra meat. Going like CSI forensic on it.
All right. So we're back to the guy saying, what guy shit your toilet toilet i don't remember her eating corn earlier today she replies by now i was completely bewildered i told him again that i had just forgotten to flush he replied that i was a liar and that no girl could take a dump that big he was completely serious it's like the salem witch trials i love this guy no chick could take this fucking dump uh i couldn't believe i was in this conversation i couldn't even get upset or angry i just said like an idiot but it's my shit this is the greatest conversation i mean that's that's the only response you can have yeah but you don't understand it's my shit look at my underwear i still got runs prove it my boyfriend walked out with another without another word and ignored my calls for the rest of the night he logs on to webmd to try to find pictures of girls how what what is google what is the biggest shit a girl can take uh the next day he agreed to meet for lunch wow that's very uh nice of him yeah wow so he's still letting you eat yeah after you shit that much yeah he apologized for leaving in such a rush but said he still couldn't believe me when I said it was my own shit.
He said he was willing to give me a second chance. That's very nice of him.
If I could prove it. I didn't really understand what he was getting at.
So he elaborated that he wanted to see me take a dump in front of him to prove that my shit actually looked like that. Fuck.
It is the Salem witch trials. what's going to happen is so he was so disgusted by seeing that shit so what he's going to do he's going to make you prove like they used to throw the women into the water right yeah and if the woman sunk it was like ah that's too bad but at least she's not a witch yep so he's going to have you take that shit and one way or the other it's either going to come out too small he'll be like i knew it i knew you were a witch yeah or it's going to come out huge and be like fuck i have to break up with you yeah i can't i can't thank you but thanks for not cheating on yeah yeah right uh that was yesterday i have absolutely no idea what to do i guess we could compromise and i could take a dump in the toilet then call him in to see it it's a good compromise this is just too weird and bizarre and gross it's win-win.
I seriously love this man. You do love this man.
The fact that you're even contemplating staying in this relationship. But I'm honestly at a complete loss.
He's made it clear that this is a deal breaker for him. Oh my God.
Just show him two girls one cup. That proves that some girls can take some nasty cake farts.
Yeah, you can do that. Bubba, you've seen two girls One Cup, right? Yeah.
Yeah, we showed it to him. No, I don't think he has.
Delete that. We did not show our intern at the time Two Girls, One Cup.
Yeah, we never did that. This is going to be a great, great toast at the wedding.
Oh. Be like, I knew that she was the one for me.
When I saw that fudge dragon crawl on its way out. When she took another dump to prove to me that she wasn't seeing another guy.
I want to know what happened to this guy in his past. How he caught his girlfriend cheating on him before.
Because it sounds like it definitely had something to do with shit. Yeah.
Oh, yeah. Some dude.
The dude who cucked him the last time was taking monster dumps. A guy came over and took the most impressive shit he's ever seen in his life in his toilet.
He had no chance but to turn the girl over. The real question is, what do you eat now? Like, the girl has to perform.
This is the biggest shit of her life. Yeah, listen.
I've got a little formula that's worked for me in the past. Okay.
It's the number six value meal at Taco Bell. Whoa.
No, I'm just saying it makes it for an impressive exit.

Mm-hmm.

Hank?

It feels just as good going out as it does going in.

Hank, thoughts?

I had Taco Bell this weekend.

It was delicious.

Yeah.

No days off.

Did you poop your pants?

No.

I didn't poop my pants because of Taco Bell.

Never have.

Yeah, you hanked yourself.

Only in and out.

That's actually what we call it.

Just in and out.

When you poop your pants, it's called the Hank.

It's called the colloquial Hank. I wasn't saying that it makes you poop your pants.
I'm just saying, like, you can have some real impressive dukes with it. But what you really need to do is you need to go back and replicate your diet from the day that you dropped that one huge one.
What a... Like, and you'll remember that day for the rest of your life.
Because it was the day you got accused of cheating because your shit was too big. That's not something you just forget.
Like, that's the weirdest part about this. You take the dump.
He agrees to stay with you. And forever in this relationship is just like hovering over everything is that day that you took a big dump and he thought it was a dude.
Yeah. Let me tell you, honestly, the formula that you should use.
Denver omelet in the morning. Okay.
Have a snack. Some handful.
Some steak.

You need some meat.

A couple handfuls of almonds.

Yep.

Keep the metabolism going.

Then for lunch, do maybe a steak sandwich.

Ooh.

And rare.

Rare steak. No cheese.

Don't do the cheese.

And then what you're going to want to do for your afternoon snack, instead of a handful

of almonds, just a handful of Adderall.

And then you go home and you just shit your brains out.

Yeah.

No matter what you had to eat earlier in that day. You'll be good.
It's going to be an impressive feel that you got. Smoke a cig, yeah.
You're ready to go. All right.
Well, I guess that's our show. That was one of the wildest Monday readings we've ever had.
Have you ever taken a shit and it doesn't stop? Like ever? Well, so are you still shitting? Like a log. There's a normal size.
Oh, yeah. yeah those are yeah that's when that's when you send it to your friends yeah that's when you send it to your friends when it wraps 360 degrees it's like a soft serve machine yeah it's a work of art yeah dude that's that's worthy of a picture there's almost something zen about taking a crap that doesn't break along the way yeah it requires it requires a mint it's like peeling like peeling your skin.
You just try and peel it off in one way. Oh, wait.
Your skin? Dude. Dude, when you get sunburned.
I was going to say it's like peeling a clementine and getting the perfect peel. Get the entire thing off.
Yeah. Now your skin, dude.
You guys don't know this vacation shit, but you get a sunburner and you just like. What are you, a lizard? You shed your exoskeleton? PFT and I haven't been tan in three and a half years where Hank is just just fucking he's on so many vacations he's got to peel also i was doing some math thinking about after we did 500 episodes i've been here for 97 of the show 97 well guess what pfc and i have been here for for 100 of the shows okay but well okay actually i'm not gonna do it whatever okay okay all right 97 that's pretty good good luck with your skin yeah should we get you a nice warm rock that.
Okay. All right.
97. That's pretty good.

Good luck with your skin.

Yeah.

Should we get you a nice warm rock that you can just rub your face on?

I'll take a vacation shortly and I'll show you guys just so I can show you.

Like a field.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

So that will actually be.

So field research.

Actually, it won't be a vacation because you're making content.

Right.

Hank peels his skin off in one full perfect peel.

I want you to be wearing full pads, though, on the beach when you do it.

Oh, man.

All right.

That's our show.

I don't know where the fuck this ended.

Love you guys. Thank you.
It's part of my 10 presented by

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