Drew Brees + The Warriors Are Dead (Probably Not)

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
On today's Pardon My Take, future Hall of Famer Drew Brees joins us. We have NBA playoffs, Russell Wilson just got paid, hot seat, cool thrown, and we're trying something a little different.
It's guys on dudes or guys on guys. We're going to give life advice to a couple guys.
or I don't even know what's going to happen.

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go.

Boy!

Boy!

Now in the

streets there is violence

And I'm not allowed to solve

what can be done

Thank you. Now in the street there is violence And then a lot of stuff

Work to be done

No place to hang

I don't wash in

And then I can't

Play all on the sun

Oh no

We're gonna rock down to

Electric Avenue

And then we'll take it higher

Oh we're gonna rock down to D-L-E-N-T-R-C-A-R-O-S-T is wednesday april 17th and patrick beverly is an instagram comment come to life. He is so far inside of Kevin Durant's head, it's awesome to watch.
I love Patrick Beverly. Watching that game last night, and I accidentally stayed up for the entire thing.
Oh, really? So I saw the comeback. They were down 31 points.
I kind of zoned out, and then I was checking Twitter and had the game on in the background. And then I saw people tweeting like they're back within 12.
Well, it all started with Patrick Beverly taking that offensive foul. They were down 25 in the third quarter.
Kevin Durant. Patrick Beverly gets in your shirt.
He is inside of Kevin Durant's shirt. I love the way that he plays defense.
The best way I can describe it is he's like if Gary Payton went to Duke. He's like a little pest that swarms around your midsection.
He gets lower than you do, which in basketball you wouldn't think means a lot, but according to Seth Greenberg, he said low man wins, and so did Jay Bayless, so I'm choosing to believe that short people are back in basketball, but he is one of my favorite players to watch on defense. If you gave a honey badger a dose of LSD and just had it attack itself in the mirror for six hours.
He never played for the Grizzlies, but he is the grit and grind Grizzlies. He's carrying the torch for the grit and grind Grizzlies.
He's Tony Allen, Chicago tough. Those guys, they just will get in your face and not let you up.
And the fact that he's doing it to Kevin Durant,

who is a future guest, Kevin Durant, of this podcast,

it is awesome to watch the Warriors crack.

Boogie gets hurt.

They blow a 31-point lead.

Draymond's mom is...

Hey, don't let that distract you from the fact

that the Warriors blew a 3-1-point lead last night.

That's great.

There was a lot of people making that joke.

It was great.

It was great to see.

So Boogie's mom... Or sorry, Boogie gets hurt.

They blow a 31 point lead.

Patrick Beverly gets inside Kevin Durant's head.

Draymond's mom retweets people bashing Kevin Durant.

The Warriors are breaking.

I think you forgot the biggest turning point of the game.

And that's when Steph Curry hit that three.

And then he kept saying, I'm a bad boy. Yeah.
I'm a bad boy. But then he got injured.
That was the turning point of the game. And that's when Steph Curry hit that three, and then he kept saying, I'm a bad boy.

I'm a bad boy. But then he got injured.

That was the turning point of the game. Then his ankle injury hurt.

Yes, I'm a bad boy.

That's intimidating as fuck.

He's a bad man. No, bad boy.

But I want to jump back

real quick to that sequence with Patrick Beverly

and Kevin Durant. At

one point in the game, over the course

of about four minutes of real time action, they had four fouls called on the two of them yes they were just like going back and forth at each other Kevin Durant you can get in his head and his head oh it was gotten into well he did it in the first game too they got it they got a G they both got ejected from the game in the first game Patrick Beverly also doing the thing at the free throw line you see him where he pretends that he's going to fall into the lane right before Kevin Durant shoots, and he missed a free throw from it. Obviously, the Warriors are still the odds-on favorite to win the championship, but this is the sign of a little, like, I mean, I'm of the mindset that Kevin Durant's gone the second the season's over.
So just a little bit of anything that can get in their heads.

Patrick Beverly, Draymond's mom, Boogie getting hurt,

which actually Boogie getting hurt probably helps the Warriors

because it's like one less crazy guy going crazy.

Draymond's already there.

He's already doing his crazy.

He's crazy in his own way.

But it is, let's just say, let's put him on alert.

It's a good thing we didn't make that bet with Hank.

Now we don't have to do it.

Here the stakes are. No, we'll still do the bet.
The stakes are we will give you a nice handshake if the Warriors don't win the title. Firm.
Sad. The firmest handshake we could possibly give you.
Oh, that's sad. Okay, what do you want? What do you want, Hank? I would like you guys to adopt a turtle.
We're going to kill the fucking turtle. No, not intentionally, but our track record.
Can someone else take care of it? Yeah, then I'm fine with it. Yeah.
We'll have a turtle in the office. I'm fine with that.
Do turtles give you... No, that's frogs, warts.
We will adopt a turtle, and you will... Shave your beard for an entire month.
No. That's a turtle and a beard? You know, we should name the turtle...
We have the turtle. We have a life, a turtle life.
We should name the turtle Fear. So its name is Fear the Turtle.
Yes. That's pretty cool.
Shout out to SVP. Hank, you should have to cut your hair into a mohawk and shave your beard.
I will shave my beard. I added one thing.
You guys. See, now, by the way, right there, that was fucking art of the deal.
That was art of the deal. You said shave your beard, and Hank said no.
I said shave your beard and cut a hawk. And you're like, all right, I'll shave my beard.
You just got fucking dealed, bro. Big head has to rock a soul patch for a month.
A soul patch. Soul patch is a good look.
And PFT, you can't shave for a month. Well, no, that's.
I'm basically doing that. Once the playoff season ends, you have to keep it going for a month, whenever that is.
Yeah, you're not going to like looking at it, so... All right, fine.
We'll go Soul Patches, and you have to shave your beard. Okay.
All right. Two weeks? For two weeks.
So it's Warriors versus the field. Warriors versus the field.
All right. All right.
Deal. Okay.
Deal. Virtual shake.
Handshake. All right.
Let's talk about some other stuff. Oh, we are taping before the Magic play, but we're just going to assume they won.
Oh, they kicked their ass. They kicked their ass.
Magic grew up 2-0. The Raptors stink.
The Magic are going to win the title. They beat their ass so bad that Magic Johnson logged on to congratulate his Magic counterpart in Orlando.
Yes. It's truly a night of Magic.
We are the number one Magic podcast. I got something in the works.
Maybe we're going to get a diehard Magic fan on to give us a little something. Wait, so what are the names of the Magic players that we know now? Michael Carter Williams.
Michael Carter, MCW, Aaron Gordon. Mo Bamba.
Mo Bamba. DJ Augustine.
DJ Augustine. We have four.
Okay, we have four. We almost have a starting lineup.
This could be the night that MCW earns his pinstripes.

Yes.

The other news we have.

Russell Wilson just got motherfucking paid, and he did the most awkward I just got paid video in bed with Ciara and a shitload of chains. probably post sex, $140 million, $65 million guaranteed, or sorry, $65 million signing bonus,

$107 million guaranteed. Or sorry, $65 million signing bonus, $107 million guaranteed.
It's one of those contracts that's both ridiculous and you have to do it. You do have to do it because he's proven that he's good enough to take your team.
Like the last couple years, it's basically been Russell Wilson and slash Chris Carson. That's it.
Except when they go into the playoffs and they're like, hey, let's just have Russell Wilson, our best player, not throw the ball and keep running for two yards of carry. You have to do it, too, because there are three quarterbacks in all the NFL that you would give this deal to.
Four years, $140 million. Aaron Rodgers already got it.
Russell Wilson just got it. Patrick Mahomes is the third.
There's not anyone else. Those are the three guys.
You can't think of any other guys. At this point, you would not give him a four-year deal.
Drew Brees, no. Phil Rivers, no.
Big Ben, you wouldn't give any of those guys that money. I'm also very dumb.
When Tom Brady says that he wants to play for four more years, I believe him. Therefore, when I hear that, I think that Drew Brees will try to play just long enough to outlast Tom Brady on the career passing yards list.
So I wouldn't be surprised if Brees stuck around for a little bit. But you wouldn't give them four-year deals.
I probably wouldn't give them four-year deals. No, and you wouldn't give them $65 million signing bonus guaranteed.
There really are only three guys, and those are it. And the quarterback bubble will burst soon.
You'll see it soon. It's just not going to happen with Russell Wilson.
Well, the thing is, the quarterbacks, I think, will turn into starter wives for the rich owners. Right.
So once they get to year five, the option thrown if they're a first-round pick, and then after that, the owners will just go dipping their wick back into college. It's like, let's go get a new one.
Right. Especially because college and pro are getting closer and closer and you're hiring college coaches and everyone's running the spread except for the Broncos.
They don't need to. Yeah, they don't need to.
With the new pass interference rules, I think Joe Flacco will be just fine. It's going to be interesting to see what happens with Jameis and Marcus Mariota this year.
Because now they're not franchise quarterbacks in the traditional sense, in the Russell Wilson sense, not even close. But they are the guys that are like, hey, this is now, they're going to be free agents.
What do you do? I think Mariota's gone. I don't think that Vrabel likes him.
I think both might be gone. He's not a Vrabel guy.
Arians loves Winston for whatever reason. I don't really know.
You know who the Titans also have now, right? Ryan Tannehill, right? That's right. Next step.
Time for him to make that next step. He will make the next step this year.
And Mariota will get hurt. Yes, he will.
With Winston, if Bruce Arians can make Winston's turnovers 25% less hilarious, got small hands, then they'll be able to re-sign him. Then they'll feel good about re-signing him or something.
But right now, as it stands, he is just so goddamn funny when he turns the ball over that you can't justify giving him that contract. I'd agree.
I'd agree. All right, so that's Russ Wilson.
Again, one of the weirdest videos. Like, he is – you know who that Russ Wilson is? So the video was NC State Russ Wilson, the guy who got the money.
That's Wisconsin Russ Wilson. I like to separate them in my brain.

I just want to say

it would be a wonderful time to open

up a Tommy Bahama or a Gap

store in Russell Wilson's neighborhood because you're about

to get a fucking come up right now.

Although, I think he's dressing a little differently

now that he's got Ciara.

He's still...

He's getting all cool, Russell Wilson. He's got the chains in bed.

Who wears... Oh, sorry, Hank.
Hank, you okay? I got an important thing in bed Oh sorry Hank Who wears those chains to bed Those are fucking chains actually That answered my own question Those are for sure his fucking chains I saw Future wearing this So now I have to wear more chains than Future in bed with Ciara I think that Ciara's got him dressed up Most nights of the week in ways that she approves of. But Russell Wilson on weekends is still dad time.

It's still like Hawaiian shirt tucked into acid wash jeans, maybe some Crocs on there.

Yes.

Just milling around the backyard doing some lawn work.

We had two of the best moments of sex that we obviously never got to witness.

But Tiger Woods, after 11 years of not winning a major sex and russell wilson 140 million dollars sex those are probably the two best sexes that you can do right i didn't think that it was going to happen either i thought the deadline it was by the way credit to russell wilson setting a fucking deadline at midnight on april 15th oh and also he just cucked the united states government yes also doing the uh jimmy fallon where jimmy fallon who i don't think asks sports questions normally was like hey russ you're gonna be the the highest paid quarterback aren't you like two weeks ago and just started the whole you know news cycle going like oh yeah he should get more money hey that's wild that's awesome let me fuck with your with your hair um crack an egg over your head yeah get it uh all right I got a question for you PFT it's a SeatGeek question promo code take put in promo code take you get ten dollars off your first SeatGeek purchase five to nothing you lost to the Hurricanes yeah a little bit of worry no not worried Also, Alexander Ovechkin beat up a minor. He beat the shit out of a 19-year-old.
That was pretty fucked up. The kid wanted to fight.
Yeah. The kid got what he wanted.
Yeah, I mean, like, everyone's a little broke. You know, like, your little cousin at, like, the family retreat.
Listen. Like, I want to fight.
Like, no, you don't. That was disgusting by Ovechkin.
If you can star on a film that's on you porn, giving somebody else a shot to the face, you can take one to the face on the ice. Guy can't even drink.
Well, you know Russia. He can't.
He's from Russia. Yeah, he's Russian.
He's been drinking his own blood, too. So you're not worried at all? Not worried at all.
And here's why. If it was a 4-3 overtime loss, I would be a little bit more worried.
But the fact that I was rooting for it to get worse and worse and worse as the game was going on. When it was 3-0, I was like, fuck, four.
Give them four. And then I was like, I hope they score another goal because 5-0, you can just wipe that one off.
You can just say, wasn't our night. Wasn't our night, fellas.
If you lose a close game where you play at your best or close to your best, that's demoralizing. This one, it's just like something weird must have happened, so let's just turn the page.
You know what I love about playoff hockey, and it's an underrated thing that happens every year? It's the hockey Twitter debate about hits. So whether a guy should get a suspension, whether he shouldn't, what's dirty, what's not.
Those are my favorite moments when everyone just spends an entire day going super slow-mo on a bunch of gifts to decide whether there was intent to the head or he left his feet, all that stuff. There's nothing like hockey hits in the playoffs being under the microscope and debated ad nauseam.
That's why I love playoff hockey. It is great.
Gifts are the worst thing, I think, to happen to the player safety department because you get Because you get second guess left and right. Everything.
Everything. Except unless it's Tom Wilson.
Unless Tom Wilson, because he's just clumsy. And you know that he's just accidentally hitting people.
Yeah. Yeah.
Agreed. Yeah.
So, no, I'm not worried at all. I'm actually not.
Because he beat, Ovi beat the fuck out of that guy last night. That was a big win.
19 years old. Oh, the kid wanted to fight.
19 years old. Yep.
Kid wanted to fight. Imagine a grown man beating up Billy Football.
Sad. Yeah, I can.
And it's probably happened. I'd probably be cool.
It's happened several times. He hasn't talked to us in forever.
Yeah, so beat the fuck out of him. I mean, you can execute kids in the United States.
So I think you should be able to dole out a little bit of fist-to-fist justice amongst Russians. All right.
Hot seat, cool throne. Hank, would you like to start? Sure.

Thank you.

You're sure?

You're welcome.

You look like a goddamn snack today, Hank.

Thank you.

My hot seat.

It would be a shame if you had to shave that beard.

First one is Leroy.

Little Russell Wilson.

Eh.

Uh-oh. What?

Now, did Leroy delete the tweet?

No, no, no.

Oh, so are you done deleting tweets?

Are you asking me if my dog is done?

I'll have to ask him. If Leroy deletes tweets still.
I don't know if he does or not. You'll have to talk to him.
Got it. My other hot seat is nerds.
Wait, wait. So you want to explain? Leroy tweeted out that Russell Wilson was going to sign in New York for $150 million.
That's not at all what he tweeted out. You are slandering and libeling my dog.
You tell me, PFT. My dog's going to sue you.
Hank, you ever been sued by a dog before? No. You're about to be because what Leroy tweeted out was that he rejected the Seahawks' latest offer, which would have made him the highest paid quarterback in the league.
And then I just tagged the Giants in it because everybody was saying that he wanted to go to New York. But he accepted the offer that made him the highest-paid quarterback.

They made him a new offer later on that day as the deadline approached.

Oh, got it.

So there were ongoing negotiations during the day.

That's weird because it seems like he probably just accepted the offer

that you were implying that he declined.

No, why would you say that?

And then you said Giants.

No, this is how negotiation works.

Got it.

Also, shout-out to the person that told me that bet me $12 that the information was leaked to Leroy by the Seahawks front office to make Russell Wilson look bad because that's what's happening now. Leroy can't be trusted.
GMs are- Leroy cannot be trusted. Dogs are loyal.
They cannot be. He cannot- That's why they're called Fido, Fidelis.
I have no problem with Leroy. I have a problem with Leroy's owner deleting the tweets that are wrong.
I don't delete tweets. Where's the Rick Pitino to Alabama tweet? I don't know.
It's gone. I have to talk to Jack about that.
It's just gone. Jack deleted it during one of his intermittent fasts out in Malaysia.
My other hot seat is nerds because 20 minutes of Avengers leaked and people are freaking out about spoilers, not getting spoiled. Freaking out.
It's kind of sad. You know, someone's so obsessed a fantasy movie, it's just a movie.
Yeah, doesn't even have dragons in it. Probably does.
Might, actually. I don't even know what Avengers is.
I think I did the Avengers. You explained it to me, and I still don't.
Every time someone tells me who's in and who's out of Avengers, I just get out of it. It's all the Marvel people.
You have to watch like 27 movies to fully understand. It's a lot.
Yeah, so I would understand why people get upset about a spoiler, but I mean, the reality is it's Superman at the end. Superman is Thanos.
Superman is Thanos? He's Thanos. That's how it ends.
Is that true? No, it's actually like seven tiny Power Rangers in a trench coat stacked up on each other and they're Thanos. Got it.
Actually, no, it's Hillary. I'm like her.
I just need, I'm waiting for one, like, series or, like, sequel of movie to end where just Hillary's the head person. It was me all along.
And it's just her next to a fax machine. It's burning.
My cool throne is Baby Blues. Yeah.
Chris Berman's favorite jerseys in all sports.

The Chargers Baby Blues are going to be their official.

They're not going to be their alternates.

They're going to be like their permanent home or whatever away jerseys this year.

Nice.

Love it.

Love it.

It's exciting.

Love it.

That is very exciting.

It is.

Phillip Rivers looks so much better in the Baby Blues.

The whole thing looks better.

Yeah.

They're never going to win a Super Bowl in the Baby Blues, but it looks great.

They're candy ass, but in a good way.

Yeah.

I'm done believing in the San Diego Chargers.

By the way,

have you heard

their theme song?

Their rally song?

San Diego Super Chargers.

It is the best song

in football.

Fucking love it.

They should go back

to San Diego.

What?

I'm not going to stop calling

the LA Chargers.

It's the dumbest

fucking thing ever.

They don't sing

that song anymore.

Super Chargers.

Well, if you're a real fan,

it's up to us

to keep it going. Yeah.
Bass are also on the cool throne. What? Your good friend Lil Uzi took a bath, had like 300,000 people watching him, and he was just sitting there taking a bath.
He wasn't even talking. Yeah? He didn't say anything? No.
That's how you get the people. That's how you get the people going.
He's a cam girl. Yeah, pretty much, without the ejaculation.
How do you know he didn't ejaculate? Might have underwater. Yeah, underwater.
That doesn't count. Under the sea.
Yeah. All right.
It's always better down where it's wetter. My hot seat is, first of all, my future employment with the FBI.
Okay. So I don't think I'll ever be allowed to be an FBI agent since I am now officially on film taking MDMA in the stands of Hong Kong in the rugby tournament with Donnie does.
You can go watch the video on, that's on the part of my take YouTube, right? So go check it out. It was, it was, subscribe, please.
It was quite an experience. Half of the Sunday, I don't remember.
I just remember feeling good. And then five hours later telling Chef Donnie, the intern, I said, man, I really enjoyed that.
But it was over so quick. And the guy was like, dude, you've been on the moon for like five hours.
Five hours. Five hours time.
The fact that they open the entire arena at 7 a.m. and just let everyone come for the entire day is insane.
Isn't that nuts to just open up a sporting arena and say, okay, it's time for you guys to come in. Let's do it.
It's Coachella for three weeks. Yeah, it is.
It's Coachella for rugby. Yeah.
And also because on Saturday I'm going to be out at the Cannabis Cup with the Hard Factor guys. So you're just a drug guy now.
Well, I'm considering faking the cannabis on Saturday. Don't tell anybody.
This is between us, all the award-winning listeners. So the rule is they're going to do a live stream power hour where they take a hit every single minute for an hour and go through the week's news.
I've got joints that are made from CBD that don't actually have THC in them. Don't tell anybody, but I think I'm done with drugs.
Sure. I'm entering the DARE program.
It is good for our courtship of Joe Rogan, though. Yes.
It is. Is he going to be there? Very true.
No, the MDMA. Got it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

That's true.

You know what I'll say.

We've still got a microdose with Darian Foster later this month.

We do.

I'll do that.

That's not really drugs, right?

No, it's not.

Mushrooms?

It's micro.

It doesn't count.

Micro doesn't count.

Okay.

My other hot seat is Jim Nance because John Kuhn is back.

He just signed on to get into the TV and broadcasting game.

Oh, wow.

So he's going to be doing Packers games.

He's going to be doing all sorts of multimedia stuff. Multi-weedia stuff because he's a teammate.
No me and team. So I'm very, very excited to see our good friend, John Kuhn, getting behind the microphone.
So where's Jim Nance come in? Just hot seat because John Kuhn is a new man on the block. Got it.
Got it. Yeah.
So is he going to be a play-by-play guy? I'm not exactly sure what he's going to be doing, but I'm sure whatever he does- Just watch out, Jim Nance. He's going to work harder than Jim Nance.
Don't go into dark alleys, Jim Nance. Coon might be lurking around any corner.
My cool throne is bees. Oh.
Because Pornhub is donating money to save honeybees for every view of a video that they have on their website about pollination, about bee pollination. It's narrated by porn stars in a very sexual way.
And so for every time- How did you find out about this? There was, I don't know, my friend told me. Okay.
My friend who goes to Pornhub, like a real weirdo. I think PFT needs to find God.
His entire hot seat, his cool throne has been drugs and porn. Oh, I found God.
Yeah. After about three and a half hours of MDMA.
So I'm pretty clearly. After people shamed you after your Notre Dame tweet.
Oh, wow. We're going there? We're going there? Also, I found God when I...
But you were fine because it didn't even burn. Yeah, it's fine.
Yeah, it's fine. It turns out I was right.

You were right.

I was right the whole time.

And I also made helpful suggestions for how they could improve it during the renovations

to make it more like an NFL stadium with a jumbotron.

Nice concessions where they got these big fucking confession wafers.

You got a craft cocktail instead of wine.

I did have a cool throw-in for when Notre Dame loses his going down this year.

Everyone's going to use that.

Oh yeah. Oh yeah.
That's going to be a live look at Notre Dame. For sure.

Anything else, BFT?

No, just the porn and the MDMA.

Alright, my hot seat.

It's called the B-Sexual campaign, by the way.

It buzzes with B-Rodica

to help save the bees.

They should slip their porn in the video. I'm going to open it up right now help save the bees So I'm gonna go ahead Is there porn in the video?

I'm gonna open it up right now and save some bees

So while you're going

Are you gonna play it?

Yeah

So there is no porn or there is porn?

Well we're about to find out

Nature is bee sexual

Not bisexual, bee sexual

Which means most plants and trees rely on bees

That's a bunch of bees just fucking flowers That But sadly... That flower's sucking that bee off.
Can I see? It's lights out for nature's sex life. And no more...
Look, these plants aren't having sex anymore. They're sad.
Pornhub presents B-sexual. There you go.
Hi, I'm Abella Danger. Hey.
And to my friend... She looks like a good beekeeper.
Everyone should be having great sex. Especially when that sex is so crucial to saving.
Why is it incest-related videos underneath? You're just making that up. No, I'm not.
I'm looking at it right now. You're you, porn.
Okay. This is Pornhub.
Oh, okay. Yeah, you can tell that you're lying.
Is this a late April Fool's joke? No, this is it. I'm saving bees while we're watching this.
Okay. All right, let's keep going.
How many single hornets do you think I've saved by watching this? A lot. A lot.
Easily. All right, my hot seat is elephants.
I'm going to save a few bees while you're doing this. So Kirk Cousins has a new playbook.
It is a huge playbook. He tweeted it out, which Kirk Cousins just stopped tweeting, dude.
Every single time you tweet, you just get roasted. And when asked about how he's going to learn the new playbook, he said, just like eating an elephant one bite at a time.
So, Kirk Cousins, what's up, dude? What is his deal? Let's just start with, how about you start with defeating a buffalo at home? Winning a primetime game. Before beating an elephant.
He makes no sense. He's one of those guys that just should not use Twitter.
Well, to me, what it sounds like is he heard this. He seems like a big TED Talk guy.
I bet you every night he falls asleep with his earbuds in to like a random TED Talk and just hope it gets inside his subconscious. But it only halfway registers with him.
So he wakes up with all these disjointed weird tech and like motivational theories that he doesn't

really understand so it's like

in this case I would say it's like

playing a game of telephone that ends

at Kirk Cousins that starts

at Mike Tomlin and goes through

Dr. Seuss and then he's like

it's like eating an elephant

it's a green elephant one bite at a time

yeah we just eat that elephant

he probably puts tinfoil on that elephant meat

before he puts it on the grill

100% alright my cool throne

and It's a green elephant. One bite at a time.
Yeah, we just eat that elephant. He probably puts tinfoil on that elephant meat before he puts it on the grill.

Yeah, wraps the entire thing.

100%. All right, my cool throne is prototypical quarterbacks slash white quarterbacks.

So we thought we were in trouble, guys.

We thought that the NFL draft was going to start failing us,

and the system was not going to work anymore,

and all the tall white quarterbacks were going to be a dying breed.

You had Kyler Murray going to go one. Dway duane haskins supposed to be the second quarterback taken oh no no no daniel jones from duke six five two twenty john always took off his pants is rocketing up the mock drafts which that sentence alone is hilarious because we are now taking mock drafts as real news because people are just using mock drafts to rocket some guy up.
But he might be the second guy taken, and he is 6'5", 220. Let me say it again, 6'5", 220.
Daniel Jones. Yeah, you can always tell that a player is really awesome if they get better and better and better the further time away spent from football that they are.
Actually playing the game. So, yeah, so it's been what, like, after two months in the first mock drafts, he was probably the fourth quarterback going off board.
He's in the second round. But he's climbing.
Yes. The more that you forget about what he actually looked like on the field.
But I have a conspiracy for you. Yeah.
You know who's behind this, right? Who? Very clearly. Who? Archie Manning.
Very very clearly archie manning because the manning family is fucking in love with duke duke's coach and yeah david cut and they're yeah he's a manning whisperer they love cut was it cutliff or cut cliff cut cliff they're in love with cut cliff they're in love with just sending their boys to duke university to do a passing drill once a summer um and this guy is just somebody that's been around Peyton

and Eli for long enough that

Archie's like, he's my third

boy that I never have

since Cooper died. He can

control this guy. Yeah.
He knows how to

keep this guy under control and not be good enough

to take Eli's job for at least five years.

Yeah. I have him at 17

on my mark. Oh, you have him at 17?

Okay. If I'm the Giants, I'm not making this pick, but the word is that the Giants like them and could very well end up using the pick they got from Cleveland to take them.
Plus, David Cutcliffe coached them in Duke, and Cutcliffe coached Eli and Peyton. That's some good analysis, man.
Your theory holds up here. That is good analysis.
You can write for a major media company like CBS or something. That was my fourth mock draft.
That was your fourth? You've done four? Damn. Did you have any in-betweens, like a 3.1 or a 2.5? No.
That's fantastic, Hank. The worst are the people online who just steal other people's mock drafts and try to pawn it off as their own.
Totally agree. That's the easiest thing in the world to do, but credit to you for not taking the easy way out, Hank.
Way to go. Thank you.
All right. Let's do Drew Brees.
Let's do him. That's kind of weird to say.
Let's just fucking do Drew Brees. Let's watch some more B videos, then we'll do Drew Brees.
Listen, I've got one more B video. I'm going to save one more B's life, and then we'll do this.
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All right, here he is, Drew Brees. Okay, we now welcome on Drew Brees.
You don't need a real introduction here. Super Bowl champion, starting quarterback for the New Orleans Saints, holder of basically every passing record ever but there is your introduction you are doing a new ad with Untuck It which we love Untuck It shirts we've been wearing them forever the ad is great because it is the first time I think you have publicly talked about the call in the NFC championship game so are we are we over it is this the last moment that you can kind of move on now that you've done the ad and profited off it? Or where are we at with the call being botched in the NFC Championship game? Well, on a professional level, it's something that we've got to let go of and believe that we have better things ahead of us and worry about the things that we can control and the opportunity that we have this offseason to get a little bit better and go into the end of the season with high expectations and, you know, hopefully deliver on that.
But on this note, you know, listen, this was an opportunity to deliver the core message, which is what Untucket is all about, but at the same doing it in in kind of a light and humorous way and i think we were able to do that i think it uh it's a it's a great reflection of what the untuck it brand is all about in uh in in having created the uh the perfect shirt that is is meant to be worn untucked but and then at the same time you know you deliver a little z at the end of the commercial that people can laugh about. Right.
What's so nice about playing for the Saints, I have to imagine, is your fan base is so passionate. They're like attack dogs, so you can kind of move on professionally and you can say, okay, we've got to take these steps to get better and focus on next year, but you still know that the fans are going to be doing crazy shit like putting up billboards in Atlanta, dressing up like blind refs during Mardi Gras.
Has there ever reached a point where you're like, okay, guys, I think it's time for us as a city to move on? Are you always kind of happy to see them kind of going after your enemies for you? I love our fans. I love our fans.
We've got the greatest fans in the world. And obviously they are a passionate group.
Listen, everybody was pretty upset after that game and after the no-call. And I think that will always kind of live as a little bit of a way to call it have fun, you know, for the New Orleans faithful.
But I think our fans are as excited about this upcoming season as we are.

Obviously, the expectations are high.

They always are.

But I feel like that's what makes it so much fun.

So we were talking before we hopped on about your coach, Sean Payton,

who we know and we've had him on the show before.

He said publicly that it took him a couple weeks to get over that call and kind of move on.

How long was it for you? How long before you kind of shook it off and didn't wake up thinking about it all the time? Well, it took a while. I mean, probably until I started really training again and getting my sights and focus set on this next season.
I always take some time just to get away and recharge the battery. You know, obviously it's a long and grueling season every year, especially when you make it that far in the playoffs and unfortunately fall short.
So I think for everybody, it's good, it's healthy to get away, try to clear your mind, and then reset your focus and your sights on what you've got to do to get better for next season. I've got a real tough question for you.
So we're going to get into the hard-hitting stuff right off the bat. What is the best uniform in all of football, the Chargers baby blue or the Saints all white? They're both pretty sweet, aren't they? Yeah.
I think the Chargers baby blue, the cool thing about that is that was actually their jersey back in the AFL days, the Lance Allworth Bambi days in the 60s. So that was their actual uniform.
I don't think the Saints ever wore the all-white. That just was the color rush version.
So while I love the all-white Saints, I think the Charger baby blue might go down in history, being that it was legitimately the jersey for them in the 60s. That's a good answer.
Chris Berman's favorite jerseys in all sports, so you can't go wrong there. Do you ever sit back and think about your sliding doors moment that you could have been a dolphin and somehow picked Dante Culpepper over you, which still is baffling? Well, you know, when I was coming out of college, I felt like they were going to draft me at that time too.
You know, at least that's what I was told. Going into draft day, I think the Dolphins had the 26th pick or something like that.
And, you know, there was a bunch of teams prior to them that I had done private workouts for. And, you know, I felt like there was a strong interest.

And I remember my head coach, Joe Tiller,

he was very good friends with one of the Dolphin scouts.

And he had come up to me before the draft and said,

listen, if you're at pick 26, the Dolphins are going to take you.

And so, you know, I'm going through the draft sitting there

in the back of my mind saying, all right, well,

that's where I'm ending up unless somebody grabs me before that and so here comes the dolphins pick at 26 and i'm standing by the phone and it never rings and they picked jamar fletcher a db from wisconsin who i had played against the bunch and was a great player but um no it was that and then obviously the free agency where where where theins were a possibility. There were two opportunities there.
Did you actually meet with Nick Saban when you were visiting the Dolphins? Yeah, yeah, I did. They picked me up on Wayne Huizinga's plane, actually from New Orleans.
I came to New Orleans first and then flew to Miami and did visits, both those places. Spent a lot of time with Nick Saban.
Has he ever reached out to you in retrospect and been like, Hey, Drew, I screwed that up, hand up, that's on me? No, here's the thing. I think we can only recognize that it's worked out for both of us.
Yeah. That New Orleans was where I belonged, and I was there for a reason.
That was truly's calling for for me and my wife and um for for saving I think that he's he's done pretty well for himself at Alabama so it's it's all worked out for everybody it is really crazy to think about how that sliding doors moment happens and you become such an like a an important part of New Orleans as a city post Hurricane Katrina and winning the winning the Super Bowl, and you're part of the fabric of the city now. Do you look back at that and say, I can't believe that Drew Brees and New Orleans have become synonymous in a way, and it's crazy what the Saints have done for that city? Yeah, it's been an incredible journey.
I mean, to think it's been 13 years, that's the crazy part because it's gone by really fast. And there's been some unbelievable moments, obviously.
Super Bowl and been a part of so many great teams. And I've had the same head coach the whole time, which I know is very rare in this day and age in this industry.
So I consider myself very fortunate, very lucky to not only be a part of such a great organization, but I think just the journey that we all embarked on back in 2006. You know, that was six months post-Katrina.
You know, and I know people recognize the devastation, you know, that Katrina inflicted on New Orleans.

But when we got there, I mean, it was like a war zone.

You know, so to get guys to come there back in 2006, 2007, that was a tall order.

And it took guys with vision.

It took guys with kind of that right mindset to know that they were going to be a part of something that was much greater than just football and it was certainly much greater than themselves and i think that's what made it so special with the people that we had a chance to share all that with now who was in that core group because you know we always hear about you and coach payton but i'm sure that there was you know a larger group of guys that kind of founded that core who are the people that don't get talked about as much as you two? Well, Scott Fujita. He was the first free agent signing, actually, and then I think I was the second.
So he was a huge part of that journey and was with us for four years, part of the Super Bowl team, one of our starting linebackers. John Stinchcomb was our right tackle.
He was an integral part of that. Will Smith, starting defensive end, who passed away three years ago.
He was a part of that. And, listen, so many others that came in, you know, through that 06, 07, 08 stretch.
Scott Shanley, Jonathan Vilma, Deuce McAllister.

We draft Reggie in 06.

There was just a tremendous group of guys that were a part of that.

I think it's safe to say both you and Coach Saban made the right choice.

I think you're right on that one.

But just allow me to daydream for a second that you had gone to Miami

and you teamed up with Coach Saban,

and you would have stopped Belichick and Brady in their prime. So that would be nice.
That would have been nice.

Listen, there's no question Coach Saban is extremely talented and gets the best out of his

guys. Yeah, I played against him twice in college.
People forget he was at Michigan State before he

was at LSU. And so that was the coach that we had to deal with in the Big Ten along with

Thank you. him twice in college.
People forget he was at Michigan State before he was at LSU. And so that was the coach that we had to deal with in the Big Ten, along with many others

that were really, really good.

Actually, so I went to Wisconsin.

I'm a Big Ten guy.

Say something nice about West Lafayette.

What's your favorite part?

Jake's is no longer there, so there are no more free hot dogs.

What's your favorite part about West Lafayette, knowing that Jake's is no longer there so there are no more free hot dogs what's your favorite part about west lafayette knowing that shakes is no longer there oh man um there's something about something about uh midwest in the fall you know leaves changing color walking through campus it was a great atmosphere listen i was a texas boy wanted to play football in the state of tex college and beyond. And, you know, so when I get the recruiting call from Purdue, I didn't have many offers.
It was Purdue and Kentucky. But I remember going up there on my visit, and it was like six feet of snow on the ground.
You couldn't even see the buildings. I was just like, man, what am I doing? You know, but it was obviously one of the best decisions I ever made.
The education I got there, I met my wife there, was a part of the resurgence of that program. You know, Purdue wasn't known as a football school back then.
We were a basketball school, right? Still are. But then that football program with Joe Tiller coming in in 97 really kind of sparked a 10-year run there of bowl games and winning seasons.
And then that's being carried on right now by Jeff Brom, who I think is doing a phenomenal job at Purdue. So I think the future is bright there.
We're still huge supporters of the program, and I know what Purdue has given me, and I'm just trying to give back. And I think it's a tremendous place and a tremendous environment.
All right, who's the most important Purdue alumni, you or Lance Armstrong? Neil Armstrong. Neil Armstrong.
Sorry. Now, bear in mind, Neil never threw a Super Bowl pass.
You might have walked on the moon, but like four other guys have done that. Yeah.
I'd say that's pretty significant, though, what Neil Armstrong accomplished. So I'd have to put him up there.
I'm going to throw another name in there, John Wooden. Okay.
Kyle Orton. All right.
Pretty strong. John Wooden, maybe only the greatest coach of all time at any sport, any level.
Here's one for you, Amelia Earhart. Oh, that's a good one.
I don't think she necessarily went to undergraduate school there, but Purdue has one of the best aviation programs in the country, if not the world, along with engineering and a bunch of other things. So that's a good one.
That's a tough name, though, to throw out there and be like, we have the best aviation program. Right.
Who else, what else you got there? Well put put out more astronauts than any other school I think it's like 22 astronauts I think we had the first person on the moon the last person and the person who had the most trips to the moon you guys just own the moon you literally own the moon Mike Ross we we were on the moon yes like wait yeah yeah uh way before elon musk started talking about going to mars we've we've got we got everybody on the moon um yeah that's that's a that's a big i mean mike allstott obviously all-time guy brad miller there's a bunch of guys who speaks three three super bowl winning quarterbacks, only one other school. Can you name that school and who they are?

Hmm. There's a bunch of guys.
Three Super Bowl winning quarterbacks. Only one other school.
Can you name that school and who they are? Michigan. No, we were just talking about this coach.
Who coach is there? Alabama. Alabama.
Really? Alabama. Joe Namath? Yeah, Joe Namath is the only one I'm thinking of.
Wait, are we talking starting quarterbacks? Bart Starr, Kenny Stabler, Joe Namath. Interesting.
And then for Purdue, it's Lynn Dawson, Bob Greasy, and myself. Oh, see, that's where I screwed up because I was thinking Bob Greasy Jr.
went to Michigan. I assume Bob Greasy went to Michigan, but I'm wrong.
I'm very wrong. Drew, you were picked 32nd overall, right? Yes.
Do we still have to refer to you as a second-round pick, even though in today's math, you're a first-rounder? Yeah, unfortunately or fortunately. I guess the good thing about it was the Chargers that year, their first-round pick, they took LaDainian Tomlinson.
That's a good pick. That's not bad.
And then I was there in the second round for them to take. So I'm okay with being in the second round behind LaDainian Tomlinson.
How much longer are you going to play? Because I feel like you are going under the radar. Tom Brady, everyone talks about him playing.
He's a little bit older, but you're basically the same age. Are you going to play until you're 50? Listen, I'm having fun.
I'm having fun playing the game. I still have a fire and a desire and things to accomplish.
And so I'm going to do that as long as I feel that way and as long as I'm having fun and able to stay healthy and play at a high level. And know my kids are in an age now too where they can enjoy this I got three boys aged 10 8 and 6 and a little girl who's four and man they love game day they love coming to the facility with dad and you know jumping in the cold tub hot tub whirlpool and going in the weight room and going in the indoor facility and just you know running around causing trouble stealing gloves out of Michael Thomas' locker and, you know,

Kamara and everybody else.

So it's, I mean, I'm enjoying myself,

and I'm enjoying these moments for my kids too. All right, so now give us a real number.

What are you thinking, 44, 45?

If you give us a number, Untuckett will get like a ton of publicity.

Like Drew Brees says that he wants to play until 44 in Untucket interview. I don't know.
I might have to put that into the next Untucket commercial. Okay.
That's smart. We need some residuals from that.
Yeah, we need some residuals from that. I know you're a hyper-competitive dude.
You want to keep playing as long as you're able to compete at a high level. is there a small part of you that steps to the side when Taysom Hill gets in and you're like that guy's fun to watch take snaps heck yeah man I love watching Taysom he's like the renaissance man he can do everything you know anywhere on the field you need this guy he can do it and he can do it at a high level and he embraces the role so um you know that started off with hey you know a couple times a game you know we're going to do this call it wildcat call it you know whatever you want to call it where tason comes in and i go split out a receiver and give my best you know randy moss impression out out there while he gets, you know, does the dirty work.
But that evolved into being a lot more as the season went on just because it was so effective. You know, he is such a strong runner when he keeps the ball and obviously a big threat, I think, to defenses.
And so then that opens up opportunities for other guys as well, both runners and receivers.

So, man, I think the sky's the limit as far as what we're going to be able to do with him just because he is so versatile. Do you ever get just like a little bit jealous and you're like, I think Coach Payton likes Taysom more than he likes me? No, I'm jealous because I'm not that big and strong and can't run that fast.
That's why I'm jealous. Yeah.
But no, he's a stud. I would actually argue that you are the most

beloved guy in the NFL

right now. Like, there's not, even, you know,

even, you know, Tom Brady or Aaron Rodgers,

there are guys who, their fans love them,

but everyone on the outside doesn't.

Whereas you are loved, I think,

throughout the league by everyone in the NFL,

fans, front offices, everything.

So with that said, I'm going to nitpick something with you, Drew. I was reading your Wikipedia, and you said you live your life, the four priorities are the four Fs, and the four Fs are faith, family, football, and philanthropy.
Do you know how to spell the word philanthropy? I do, but that's part of the humor. I don't know.
That's not funny. That's not funny.
No, listen. Hey, it's just like the end of the Yantucket commercial, right? I'm serious.
I'm serious. And then at the very end, there's just a little zinger just to make sure you're paying attention.
Okay. That's fair.
What about fun? You should just have fun be one of the Fs. Friends, like us, who you pay.
Or put football in there twice. Yeah, football double time.
So, but at some point, the length of Fs becomes too long, right? You can't say, I live my life by the 10 Fs. Or the 7 Fs.
The 4 Fs sounded right. There's four quarters in football.
There's four quarters in life. I live by by the four outs.
That is a true football guy thing to do, just split up your life into four quarters. I got a dumb question, but I think you have an answer for it.
What is your favorite pass to throw? Oh, man, everybody loves the go ball, right? Everybody loves to launch it. Yeah, just airing it out.
Maybe that uh it's that level of excitement like the minute a quarterback turns the ball loose and you know that ball is getting pushed down the field there's like that three four five second period of time where everybody just kind of holds their breath and their eyes immediately go down the field and and start thinking about you know how's this guy gonna make this catch, what's going to happen? Is it over the top? Is it a back shoulder? Is it, you know? So there's something exciting about that. Yeah, there's that moment where you grab the guy sitting next to you if you're in the stands.
You're like, here we go. Because you're like, something's going to happen.
I don't know what, but it's going to be cool. Drew, thank you so much for joining us.
You joined us through on Tuck It. Your new commercial is out.
You're not mad about the call. You're just going to make a commercial about it like three months later, right? Yeah, absolutely.
Life goes on, man. There's bigger and better things ahead, but we're certainly going to take the opportunity to have fun with it.
Yeah, that's the fifth F. Fun.
The hidden fifth F. Fun.
Right. Overtime.
Yes. Overtime fun.
All right. Thanks so much, Drew.
Good luck in the next season. All right, guys.
Have a good one. All right.
Have a good one. Thanks, man.
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Yeah. Insane.
The Capitals killed them. Also, thoughts and prayers to everybody in Columbus, basically just Mark Titus.
You're not allowed to bring— He's a Calibar. That's right.
Yeah, former Columbite. Yeah.
Greg Oden. Greg Oden.
And that's about—Thad Matta, does he still spend summers there? Yeah, probably. Probably, probably.
Yeah, you don't want to— Probably still has got his house. Yeah.
So to those guys, you're not allowed to bring a broom into the stadium tonight. Oh, damn.
Which sucks. That does suck.
I mean, does a sweep count if random dudes don't bring in brooms and then piss off their wives because they're like, hey, where the hell's our broom? Why would that piss off the wives? Because you're just taking shit out of their house. Are you saying that the wife would notice that the broom's gone? No, men broom too.
Yeah, but why would the wife be upset? Because they'd be like, why is there shit all over the house? You haven't broomed in a while, honey. Oh, so you're saying that's her responsibility to understand when the house is upset.
No, she sees shit on the floor. The house is dirty.
Yeah, most people notice it. Yeah, most people do.
You can't corner me here. I'm telling you exactly.
Just interesting the pronoun that you used. You're canceled.
So, oh, you've been canceled. Don't you cancel.
I'm not canceled. I uncancelled myself.
A canceled person can't cancel someone else. I uncancelled myself.
You can't cancel someone else when you've been canceled. I'm not canceled.
You were canceled for a minute. I was not canceled.
You were canceled for a minute. All right.
We have Way to Stay Relevant. It's a cancel off, folks.
It's a cancel off. I love people getting canceled.
You just can't root for anyone anymore because they'll eventually be canceled. Way to Stay Relevant baseball.
Blake Snell, Cy Young winner, got hurt getting out of his shower, which is just a classic baseball moment. This, it happens about this time every year.
Yep. So the annual rites of passage in baseball in the spring are opening day slash not knowing when opening day was and finding out that it was yesterday in Australia.
Yep. The first week of baseball where things are kind of cool and the first fight of the season.
Yep, and then the most ridiculous injury that happens. It's usually like a guy washing his car.
Yeah, sneezing, Sammy Sosa, ironing himself, John Smoltz. That was a great one, while wearing the shirt.
Carlos Zambrano, who's back, God talked to him and told him that he should come back and play baseball again. I don't know why Hank threw that at him.
Carlos Zambrano once had carpal tunnel because he was on the internet too much. Oh, yeah.
Yeah. Me too.
So, yeah, exactly. I gave myself a bad case of tennis elbow for being online.
Blake Snell wrote, I got off the plane, went home, took a shower, got out of the shower, and then there's like this big like granite thing that I don't like looking at, and I lifted it. It's like a three-piece.
And like this pole that comes up two and a half, three feet. And then there's a top you like put something on it.
I don't know what you would put on it in the shower. Like it's right outside the shower.
So I'm like, ah, I'm moving this. This is stupid.
Dry it off. Put my clothes on.
I start to move it. I lift it and I go to move it where the tub is just to set that down but i lifted it up thinking all right i'm going to lift this whole thing up and put it over here and get it away from where i'm always at and then i lifted it up and it wasn't glued to the pole and then the pole came crashing down and then yeah that was a story really dumb dude you're having sex in the shower yeah like that was a really long way of just saying hey i was having sex in the shower and i hurt i stubbed my toe yeah so the big takeaway from that was he made sure to include the fact that he put his clothes back on yes yeah so who is annoyed by something in their shower and then decides to get out of the shower get dressed and then move it yeah at the very least he was jacking off by himself and had a convulsion when he nutted and he hurt his toe that way.
Probably just having sex.

Probably just having sex with his shower.

But let's be real.

You were not fully clothed.

I don't think I've ever stepped into a shower fully clothed in my entire life.

Who does that?

Yeah.

Who does that?

That's good point.

Even plumbers.

Their pants go halfway down off their ass.

Yeah.

And then the woman walks in and is like, you need help with that?

Yeah.

Big boy?

He's like, yeah.

You like the top half of my ass?

The porn.

Pardon my take porn episode.

It makes no sense.

I love it. And then the woman walks in and is like, you need help with that? Yeah.
Big boy? He's like, yeah, you like the top half of my ass?

The porn, pardon my take, porn episode.

It makes no sense. I also love when world-class athletes somehow slip in the shower like they are now our 95-year-old grandmothers.

What are you talking about?

But even like other guys have done this in other sports.

We should do a dumbest, did we do a Mount Rushmore dumbest injuries in baseball? We should do an entire podcast interviewing people that have had the dumbest injuries. Glenn Allen Hill, when he has spider phobia, arachnophobia, is that what it's called? Yeah.
And he dreamt that he was getting attacked by spiders and slept walk and hurt himself. Really bad, right? Yeah.
I think he hurt himself pretty bad. There's all kinds of baseball.
Didn't Felix Pye or Felix P.A. have a twisted testicle somehow? He woke up in the morning and had done a 360? They just figure out ways to hurt themselves no matter what.
We should do a full podcast of the dumbest baseball injuries. The dumbest baseball injuries.
We'll do that this summer. We promise.
PR 101 staying on baseball. Christian Yelich will not stop hitting home runs.
It's a problem. It's a problem because...
Should we put the clip in? Yeah, let's do it. Here's the clip.
We may have said this. If you win the home run derby, what would you do? I guess we'd have to eat crow.
What do we want to eat? Someone already did that. Someone already did that.
Oh, yeah, we'll eat each other's ass. I'll a home run derby.
If you win the home run derby, we'll eat each other's ass. I'm not confident.
No, I'm going to lick a crow's butthole. That's what I'll do.
I'll one up the guy. You're never going to win a home run derby.
I'm fine with that. I'll just kill myself if you do.
You don't think? Yeah, yeah. That's fine.
I always have an out. Oh, man.
And so that was from this past summer. Listen, it's somewhat ambiguous.
Very. Because you said...
We'll eat each other's asses. You couldn't really hear what we said, but it's up for interpretation.
A crow's ass was thrown in there. We have to eat each other's asses whilst eating a crow's ass.
Right. So we'll figure it out if we get to it.
Not worried, but let's just say there was an honest conversation off air today about

PFT and I cutting a piece of our ass and making a chili out of it.

Fuck you, Christian Yelich.

Hopefully come on the show next week when he's in New York.

Here's the thing.

Real talk, it's going to mess up his swing if he competes in the home run.

I said that to him, and he was like, I do it every batting practice. Hasn't messed it up since then.
I was like, well, that's a checkmate. That's different because there are multiple rounds, and sometimes you just keep on hitting on forever in the home run derby.
You're going to fuck up your swing. Real talk, if he says that he's going to be in the home run derby, I will put steroids in his drink.
Spike that shit. I will absolutely do.
Real talk. We're not eating asses.
We will do everything. I'll get on the phone with Bud Selig.

I'll send him a telegram because he probably doesn't use phones.

Correct.

I'll get it.

I'll send him a telegram saying, hey, this is Christian Yelich's doctor.

I'm giving him HGH every single day.

And then have Bud really lay down the hammer on him.

I know Bud's not technically commissioner.

And also he doesn't care about steroids.

But yeah.

Yeah.

Anymore.

Well, no, he might be back to it. He kind of did.
But yeah, he got backed into a corner to care about steroids. Yes.
But for a long time he didn't. Either way, Christian Yellich, just chill out, man.
Stop. You know what we should do? You know what we should do? What? We should do a deep fake of Christian Yellich, of him actually eating somebody's ass.
We'll find a new ass-eating video and edit his face on there. So Christian, I not i'm not blackmailing you no we're not no i'm not but we're willing to go at lengths just know that i have far less to lose than you do far far less all right uh wrapping up here before we get to guys on guys who farted the max kellerman edition so the internet is saying Max Kellerman farted during first take.

Do you think he did?

Well, I think the gas bag on first take is usually Stephen A. Smith.

Ho-ho! Hey-o!

Yeah.

I love a good fart video.

Jim Tomsula, when he farted in his press conference all-time moment.

I think Chris Burt...

No, Dicka did it.

Dicka did it.

Oh, yeah, Dicka did it big time.

Dicka even did this.

He lifted his ass. The cheek lift.
Yeah, yeah. Get a little leverage on that fart.
I think he did fart, and I think it's because Stephen A. Smith has just been owning him with debates, and he's about to get $10 million, so Max has probably been, you know, I don't know.
Well, he's also, someone's been, like, taking videos. When Kellerman talks on first take, you can just see Stephen A.
not paying attention like he's just like he's just completely zoned out like doesn't give a shit right i love it i love it so that could have been a could have been a response no kellerman is scared of steven a smith yes he is absolutely frightened by the very sight of him he can't he it's like you ever see two dogs in a dog park and one just pisses themselves when they see the other dog because they're such a beta?

That's what Max Kellerman... Max Kellerman

steps into the ring on first take. He

hears Molly Kiram's voice and he immediately

just all body functions. Yes.

He goes number three.

He pisses, he poops, and he pukes

at the same time. But Stephen A.
Smith actually

should have just ended the show and been like, I need a new

co-host. I just made my co-host shit his pants.

Just by the sight of me. You know what? Stephen A.
Smith should just debate a pile of his own money. Burning.
That would be amazing. Like the Joker.
Just burning a pile of money and debating it. Just like Molly Kiram reaches over and she lights $5,000 on fire at the start of every show, and Stephen A.
Smith has to holler at it until the fire goes out. Oh, man.
All right, last up before we get to guys on guys, talking soccer. Roma has banned all their players from taking pictures with Drake for the rest of the season because the Drake curse has hit soccer.
I guess like five teams have lost recently that have all taken pictures with Drake. Smart move.
Also, talking soccer, Messi advanced in the Champions League, but Ronaldo did not. Okay, so Canis El Gote.
Messi. El Campeon, Messi.
Messi. And I was talking soccer.
And I was talking soccer. So I am totally on board.
This is an Italian team that did it, right? Yes. Totally on board with an Italian team.
I love it whenever these European soccer teams do stuff that in the United States would just be looked at as weird as shit. Like back in the 2006 World Cup, the French manager just held out some of his star players from the World Cup.
I think like Tredegere or whatever because he was a big astrologist and his players' birthdays didn't line up with the right signs of the Zodiac. It works.
And so he just kept them home. It works.
They made it to the finals. They lost to Italy.

That works. So I love it when these

French countries just do stuff that would make

American sports fans just their heads

go nuts. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
It's true.

They... Soccer

is a whole different world

but it is also not impervious to

Drake's curse. Like that's what we found out.

It's a whole different world. They have all

different ways of doing stuff but they too

are afraid of Drake's curses. Now if I'm Drake

I gotta find a way to get my picture taken

I'm Drake, I got to find a way to get my picture taken with one of these guys. Oh, yeah.
You got to sneak this in. Or just buy a full kit.
Be a full kit wanker. Yeah.
Drake. Show up to the game.
Does Drake care that he's this curse? I mean, he really, like the Raptors really have no chance. They should trade.
The Raptors should trade Drake. Yeah.
No, to answer your question, yeah, I think he's upset. He's mad? Is he big mad? I think he's upset.
Yeah. Go ahead, Hank.
Guys on guys. So we're going to try to do something a little different than guys on chicks.
We're going to do guys on chicks still. Yeah, first of all, I want to let all our female listeners out there know, hey, we care about you.
We still care about you a lot. We care about you so much.
But you know what? Sometimes you just gotta hang with the boys. Yeah, we gotta hang with the boys.
It's just time to chill with the dudes. Give some advice out.
Sup, boys? Especially SkinnyPFT. This is a little different now for the shout-outs, the specific shout-outs.
Oh, yeah. Wait.
Yeah, no, that's fine. Sup? Yeah.
That's fine. Alright.
I'll take them any way I can get them. It's guys on guys, but instead of the guys who are writing in pretending to be chicks, they're just being guys.
What if it's chicks writing in pretending to be guys because we took away the guys on chicks? We basically have time traveled to late 90s AIM chat rooms. Uh-huh.
We don't know who's who. My brother just broke up with his girlfriend, and she is telling everyone in our family that he cheated on her with another girl.
Turns out she was lying because she's pissed he broke up with her and she's a psycho.

Now she's saying that I'm Snapchatting other girls and that I'm cheating on my girlfriend.

How should we handle this situation?

Thanks, boys.

I think you got to sleep with her.

Yeah, prove her wrong.

Actually, you know what?

Here's the thing.

That was not good advice, but here's what you should actually do.

Sounds like this girl is a little bit nuts. She's very emotional because she probably cared about your brother um what you have to do is you have to make her seem way way way more nuts than she actually is so everybody will believe you so that means you have to start snapchatting her and sending her just like outrageous stuff just like stuff nobody would ever believe and then she'll start spreading the rumors.
Oh, he sent me a picture of, I don't know, fill in the blank here. I've already been problematic enough today.
No, you're good. No, I've been canceled.
You've got it. You have been canceled, but you can't double cancel.
Okay, here's a picture. You're actually in a perfect spot now.
He Snapchat me a picture of him having sex with a silkworm nest and jizzing all over and drowning all the tiny little butterflies. And then everybody would be like, this chick's crazy.
That would never happen. And there you go.
And then, boom, you're out of your problem. Just make sure she doesn't watch Gone Girl.
That would be my advice. That would get some ideas flowing.
Or just you could do my idea and come into a silkworm. That was one of those ones where I just let you talk, and you found your place to fucking a butterfly nest.
Yep. Going to New York in a few weeks to visit some people.
One of the people I'm visiting, a girl I went to high school with, has become best friends with a girl who's trying to make it as a model. She's probably going to be the best-looking person I've ever met in real life based off her Instagram.
How do I approach a girl who models considering she knows that I know that she knows how good looking she is? Do I just bring it up or not even mention it? You already lost. You're done.
It's over. Only way to salvage this is to hope that she's got a friend with her when you meet her for the first time and then go up to her friend and be like oh my gosh it's so intimidating to meet a model you're so beautiful no and have the model hear you say that to the friend and then she'll be like wait i'm the model and be like oh oh wow that could have fooled me the only way you can this can work is you have to actually realize that you've lost there's no chance but actually realize it and then you will be free to possibly be cool enough to not come across as this desperate dude who says this is the most gorgeous woman I'm ever going to meet.
I'm ever going to see in real life. You're out.
Based off her Instagram. You're done.
Which is never real life. But you're done.
You're gone. The tip is don't get your hopes up like you've gotten them.
Sup guys, especially MDMA commenter. One of my buddies is addicted to shaving his ass hair.
He is constantly grooming himself and ridding his body of any hair between his cheeks. How do we let him know this is weird and he doesn't need to shave his ass this much? Okay.
Thanks for that. Hold on.
I have a question. What's weirder, shaving your ass hair or knowing your best friend shaves his ass hair?

If he's your roommate, it's not weird.

Because he probably talks about it.

Or you see, like, when people shave, you know, it gets messy.

I think you probably...

Well, then that's how you address it.

Be like, bro, you make a mess.

Clean it up.

Unclog the drain.

Maybe get some asshole bleaching and put it right on the kitchen table. I feel like that's also dangerous.
Bleaching your asshole? No, shaving your asshole. Oh, yeah.
Oh, I would say so. He maybe uses that shampoo that makes your hair fall out.
Yeah. It's called Nair.
Also, could you have your roommate just shoot us a couple tips in case Christian Yelich wins the Olympic Derby? Yeah. A couple tips.
You're not a hair guy? It's just... I don't know.
It could be like two for one. If you get dinner...
You cleaned up for me down there. You get dinner and you get the floss at the same time.
Similar question. Sup, boys? Especially Got Cat.
Ooh. Game of Thrones.
Okay. I'm wondering how much I should be shaving down low in order to impress the ladies.
I've always been told that chicks like a little bit of hair, so it doesn't look like I've got a pre-subested now we're in a bad spot but where do you draw the line of also not that women do know that we don't know yeah that was kind of the whole point of guys on chicks yeah i know i know i thought i thought these also how important i didn't want these to be sex questions we really can't help with that we're not good at answering i wanted more to I have to do my taxes? No. Yeah.
Hey. You want to know about my ball theory, about how often on your calendar, how often you should shave your balls? I don't know.
My general rule of thumb is that you shave it once it starts to impede the natural movement of it. Yeah.
Once it gets lost in the forest. It's a real easy way to gain a couple inches.
All right, we'll end with this one. It kind of sounds like a rom-com plot.
Okay. Sup, boy.
Oh. All right, Hank's going through puberty.
There we go. I'm going to boys growing up.
Sup, boys, what happens if my voice cracks? Sup, PMT boys, especially Big Cat. I was good friends with a girl, period.
We both had the same major and often studied together. I thought we were just friends, but after a few months, I got a vibe that she was attracted to me.
The vibe kept getting stronger, and I was pretty sure she liked me. I wasn't sure if I wanted to date her, so I was taking time to think it over.
I was explaining the situation to a buddy of mine one night, and he asked if I was sure she liked me. I joked that I would bet my pinky that she liked me, and my buddy freaking told her that I would bet my pinky on her liking me.
Now she won't talk to me. I zoned out, sorry.
Is there anything I can do to save the friendship or my pinky? Yeah, bet on the Houston Texans. There we go.
So problem solved. You got it.
You got it. So that, listen, guys on guys need some work.
We tested it. Didn't really work out the way I thought.
Maybe we'll go back to the drawing board. We'll go back to guys guys on chicks next week and we'll figure out how to possibly maybe give real advice that isn't sex advice to the guys to the few guys that listen to this show because mostly women it's mostly female yeah uh all right that's our show I just want to say like an address address that last caller yeah or text or whatever yeah um that's a quintessential guy thing to do is like just know in your head that, oh, this girl must like me, but be so afraid of actually asking and following up on it that you're more likely to bet a body part than you are to just be like, hey, here's how I feel about you.
Do you like me too? Right. The rejection of a woman is far worse than cutting off your own finger.
Agreed. Yeah.
Easily. Alright, that's our show.
Go watch

PFT's Hong Kong video on our

YouTube channel. Watch Rough and Rowdy

on Friday night. Watch

Hard Factor and PFT smoke

weed. Slash CBD.

On Saturday. The Hard Factor guys

will be doing the actual stuff. Yes.

Alright. Yes.
And we will see

everyone on Friday. Love you guys.

Get it when I get back. Fuck that.
Yes. And we will see everyone on Friday.
Love you guys. We'll be right back.
Thank you. Get it when i came back

it's pardon my take presented by barstool sports