CFB Mega Preview W/ Brandon Walker & Tom Fornelli, Waterdog CJ Kirst, Mt Rushmore Of Worst Favors, Micah Parsons Traded During Fyre Fest

Hey, pardon my take, listeners.

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Hey, everybody, it's Vibs, and this is my PSA to remind you that golf season is officially here.

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On today's part of my take, we have an awesome show for everyone.

We have our college football mega preview, Brandon Walker, our reigning college football expert, and Tom Fernelli, the greatest insider in all of college football, head-to-head on the couch, talking everything,

making their picks.

We also have our 1-1

draft pick for the Water Dogs.

CJ Kirst in studio.

He flew out here before our big semifinal game on Monday.

Yeah, the Water Dogs are in the semifinals.

Yeah, we're kind of working on a dynasty.

We are going to talk some football.

We're going to do the finale of the Mount Rushmore regular season.

We still could have a duel with the Mount Rushmore of Worst Favors to be asked.

And then we're going to finish off with Firefest and send you into a long weekend of football.

And it's all brought to you by DraftKings, the rivalries, the marching bands, the upsets.

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Okay,

let's go.

I love guys who like football.

And guys who like football, they like me back.

And I like them back.

And even guys that don't like football,

they try to avoid me because I'm always trying to get them to like football.

Football.

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The crown is yours.

Today is Friday, August 29th.

Hank, can I say it finally?

Sure can.

Football is back.

We did it, guys.

It's so bad.

Oh, memes is fist pumping.

Fuck yes.

Big, big weekend of football.

Football is so back.

I think it's the backest it's ever been.

Yeah.

Can you remember a year where it was more back?

Nope.

At COVID?

COVID.

After football.

When they did the,

I think it was Virginia Tech played that first game.

No, but

it wasn't fully back.

You're not talking about the COVID year.

No, I'm talking about the year after

the fans were back, and it was like, holy shit, now we're really.

Is that like Virginia Tech NC State, something like that?

Yeah, and it was just the crowd was going nuts.

Enter Sammy.

It's like, holy shit, this is, we're so back.

But yeah, football's back.

We're excited for the football weekend.

We have Brandon Walker versus Tom Fernelli for like an hour talking college football.

We might put together a little parlay here in a minute.

I'm going to say it right now because it popped in my head.

What is it called?

Intrusive Thoughts?

Intrusive Thoughts.

We're taping this in the afternoon.

Wisconsin plays tonight.

If something bad happens, we will have to record an update.

I'm rooting very hard for Wisconsin.

Yes.

Same.

Same.

Yeah, very hard.

Same.

Well, Hank will be at Oasis.

Yeah, blood.

That's how back football is.

Hank is going to a football stadium today.

Yep.

We're not.

We're not doing that.

We're not going to a football stadium today.

You are.

Now it is for a

concert, and you're not going to watch any football.

But I'm going to be doing that.

No, this is how back football is.

I will be doing a fantasy football draft at Oasis.

In a football stadium.

In a football stadium.

Holy shit.

Are you?

Do you have a bucket hat?

Yeah, obviously.

Okay, I can

you send the boys a group pick?

Absolutely.

I will be doing shout out to game time.

I'll be doing a game time ad read.

Love it.

And I'll be in a bucket.

So, if somebody asked you at the concert what your favorite city in Liverpool is, what's your answer?

I thought Liverpool was a city.

Okay.

So

I don't have an answer.

Also, shout out to the answer would be Everton.

Tottenham.

Shout out to Man Yu.

Yeah.

All-time choke.

Did they bottle it yesterday?

All-time choke.

Big bottling.

Man Yu lost to like a Division III team yesterday.

Love it.

You're a man Yu guy, right?

Zah was singing a song at Maresh.

We were doing a Barcelona After Darkstream, and he taught me the lyrics of the song and we were singing it.

So it was a great song.

He posted it, and people were were like, as a Tottenham fan, you should not be singing this song.

Wait, you're a Tottenham fan?

That's what I said the other day.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I couldn't keep track.

Yeah.

Those Washington Huskies.

No, no, no.

UNC.

Yeah, UNC.

So, Hank, this weekend, you're going to be so locked in on football that you're going to be just watching college football all day Saturday, right?

I'll watch some football Saturday.

Love it.

Going to see some volleyball.

You're going to be watching volleyball on Saturday.

And football.

But two favorite sports.

Football sandwich.

Yeah, that's just ball.

Ball is life for you.

So I was looking at the schedule.

I will not be leaving my couch all day Saturday.

I'm going to be watching, I might go to a bar and watch some, but I'm going to be watching football all day.

But if you had to leave for a little bit,

there's a window in the afternoon that would be optimal for that.

It basically,

there's a spot where is Alabama killing them or not?

Yep.

That's really the spot you're talking about.

Exactly.

Yeah.

And Alabama is playing against Florida State 13.5.

I think it's the new, I think

Florida State was one of those teams that I feel like they have doing construction on their stadium for about a decade, and I think it's done.

Yep, it's finally done.

You know what I love about week one?

The Buckeyes' helmets.

Nobody's got a sticker yet.

Yep.

Everything looks pristine and clean.

I always thought that the Buckeyes, they should, they could play a prank on everybody, give their worst players a bunch of stickers, and then during a game, you're like, oh, we got to guard that guy.

He's got a helmet full of stickers.

Yeah.

And then the guy without anything, he's the good player.

Yeah.

It's going to be kind of a genius move.

Arch's first big game on the road.

Ooh, football's back.

We're back.

By the way, speaking of football being back,

two programming notes.

One, as always, Labor Day week.

So Labor Day is Monday.

Remember to change your clocks.

That's Sunday night, right?

Sunday night.

Well, it's technically Monday morning.

Okay, Monday morning.

But it's at like 3 a.m.

Monday morning.

We go, you change your clocks back.

So make sure you do that because you don't want to miss any football.

And then, so we will have shows Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday next week.

We always do three shows.

We put it into four days.

And also programming note,

because the FS1 show is starting out of these offices, we are going to be releasing the part of my take YouTube an hour earlier every single show day.

So the YouTube will now drop at 6 a.m.

Eastern, 5 a.m.

Central.

So it has been, I know people have seen it.

It's an algorithm thing.

You've got to drop it at the exact same time every single show.

We started doing it at 7 a.m.

Central, 6 o'clock Eastern.

We're going to move it up an hour.

So that's actually confusing because you're going to move your clock back and then we're going to move our YouTube back or up.

Well, Max just has to be concerned about that more than anybody.

Yeah.

He's just got to press the button one hour early.

And you know what?

Let's get some people to subscribe.

Let's get some subscriptions, right?

Memes?

We're going to do a sub-a-thon.

Everyone subscribe.

subscribe.

Everyone, please subscribe.

Jerry O'Connell showed you that.

We got to do it.

Thank you, Jerry O'Connell.

Thank you for his service.

We were the number one podcast on Spotify and

Apple.

I love that.

Thank you, Jerry, a lot of times.

But we were specifically after Jerry.

Yeah.

Also, I'd like to apologize to Stavros.

Stavi, sorry.

I know there was some great tape of Stavi that came out today.

Did you see him?

He was like at some sort of film festival rocking a tux.

Two gorgeous women on each arm.

Look great.

Apparently, Travis Kelsey unfollowed him.

What?

And it might have had to do with us repurposing the clip where he was very upset at the Chiefs.

Oh, no.

I think Travis needs context behind that, which is that was fresh off the heels of beating the Ravens.

Stavi was saying a lot of things.

Oh, no.

We were in international waters.

Look at that picture.

Look at that man.

He looks great.

That is SEC boyfriend.

He looks great.

That is a man of class and leisure.

Oh, no.

So, So Travis, we're not going to ask you to follow us.

We're not going to ask you to come on the show.

Just re-follow Stavi.

Yeah, re-follo.

He was speaking from a place of pain.

Kill Trav.

Come on, dude.

Stavi looks great in that

tux.

Kind of looks like the Pringles guy.

Yeah.

No offense.

No, the Pringles guy was also the Monopoly Man.

Boncha Pop, you can't stop.

Yeah.

All right.

Should we talk a little football?

Let's do some NFL, then we'll do our picks for

a parlay for the people for college football.

And then again, we have a mega preview.

Henry?

Yeah.

Congratulations on Tommy DeVito.

Thank you.

Did you know that Tommy DeVito was a patriot?

I did know that he was a patriot.

I did not know he was from Massachusetts.

Oh, okay.

I thought he was from New Jersey.

I think he's from New Jersey.

Are you thinking of his agent, Sean Stilato?

Maybe.

Sean Stilato, recurring guest of the show.

That was

a

Mick Shea.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So congrats.

You're going to get Italian on us?

Nah, I don't, I'm not, I know this is a pro-Italian podcast.

I'm Irish.

Okay.

So no.

So you hate Italians?

No,

I'm not a, you know.

No, you are not a fan of Italians.

Yeah.

I think there's one Italian that's kind of soured the whole bunch for you.

No, it's just, I don't know.

I'm not going to be out here, you know, doing, doing this all the time.

Unless

he's hurt and he's playing,

I'll have no choice.

Hank, this is the second thing.

I'm not going to be a fake.

I feel like a lot of people just kind of like fake, do the Italian thing.

Like, I'm not going to be one of those people.

If he gets in and he plays well, he throws a touch on your own.

He's not going to

happen.

The best is that.

If he gets in, we're fucked.

Oh.

No offense.

Tommy DeVito.

No offense.

The best is that PFT just said it's one Italian you're thinking of.

Our entire production staff is Italian.

Yeah,

there's like 20 people you could be talking to.

I'm not even sure which one is.

Smack, Shane, Pug, all vowels.

All the henemies.

Yeah.

All the henemies have vowels at the end of their name.

A lot of Italian henemies.

I like this.

You got to get a war on Italy.

No, no, no, no, no.

No beef.

I've done a good job not, you know, just biting my tongue, but like, yeah, I'm not.

It is what it is.

No, Hank, you're just reliving World War II.

Yeah.

You're siding with England.

You're going to go against Italy.

We've got to get Germany in the mix, go against them.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Axis of evil.

Yeah.

All right.

Was that access?

Access.

Okay, right?

Who else?

It was access, you said.

How do you feel about Japan?

Hate them.

I love it.

Yeah, that's you.

Never forget Pearl Harbor.

Oh, there you go.

All right, so Tommy DeVito is Patriot.

Did you guys see LeBron's NFL players to watch this year?

I did not see that from LeBron.

Are you ready for it?

I'm surprised that it did not come across my desk.

I'll say right now,

LeBron, not a lover of ball because my NFL players to watch are all of them.

Fair point.

Wouldn't you agree?

His players to watch are CJ Stroud, Lamar Jackson, Debo,

Lad McConkey, Kyle Hamilton, and T.

Higgins.

Those are all good players.

Yeah, those are his players to watch.

Those are all, they've been really good players for a long time.

Don't know what the assignment was, but he must have just done a fantasy draft.

Yeah.

But no, Kyle Hamilton's defense.

That's true.

Yeah.

Do you think he saw Debo and he was like, he reminds me of Luca for some reason?

Yeah.

Got to get him shape.

Yeah.

But yeah, I don't really understand.

You know what?

Let's all do six players to watch.

Okay.

I'll start.

Caleb Williams.

Did you read the article today?

What was it?

There's an article that came out in ESPN today.

It was honestly eight paragraphs about why he stopped painting his nails last season.

Okay.

And the fact that he is back to painting his nails now.

Love that.

He needs to get back to basics.

Yeah, it's like the peak.

The basics here are painting your nails.

Yeah, the fluffy feathers are puffed up again for you.

Yeah.

All right, so Caleb Williams is my one to watch.

Malik Neighbors.

Okay.

Two,

Spencer Rattler.

Okay.

Three, starting quarterback of the Saints.

Let's go four,

RJ Harvey.

Five, although I'm kind of straying from the LeBron assignment here.

He's probably, I need to pick guys that are more well-known.

Yeah.

Five will be

Patrick Mahomes.

Six, Josh Allen.

Damn, you took two of them.

Those are my players to watch.

I've got two of those on the list.

Yeah.

Pretty good players to watch.

I'm going to go with Jaden Daniels.

Okay.

I'm going to go.

Good pick.

Thank you.

Thank you.

You should watch him.

He's good.

I'm going to go Debo Samuel as well.

LeBron knows better.

Oh, no, you can't.

You can't take LeBron's pick.

Okay, Terry McLaurin is two.

Bill Krosky-Merritt is three.

Matt Gay is four.

Okay.

Tress Way is five.

Mike Sandristil is six.

And Jonathan Jones is seven.

I have seven on my list.

Hank, are you Googling players?

Nope.

You just Google the players.

Take away.

Take that phone away.

Come on.

Come on.

Just give us six players to watch.

We're going to go Stephon Diggs.

Okay.

We're going to go with Joe Burrow.

Yep.

That's a good player to watch.

We're going to go Mark Andrews.

We are going to go with

Drake London.

Okay.

We are going to go with Tua.

What's he going to be like this year?

Is he going to be dead?

Is Is he going to be alive?

Who knows?

I don't think NFL fans want to watch London.

And then we are going to go with Christian Kirk.

Oh, okay.

Interesting one.

And what team is he on?

Christian Kirk.

Oh, man.

Is he on the Texans?

Yep.

He is.

Actually?

Yep.

Let's go.

Ball knower.

Snipe.

You know it.

We're going to do new.

Same faces, new players new places yeah uh zach you want to give us six players to watch uh six players you could watch this nfl season we're gonna go with the brock bowers you could watch i like that a lot better yeah these are our six players yeah make the graphic six players you could watch oh i've got another i got another iteration after zach's done yeah uh brock bowers

bucky irving

george kittle

Amika Mbuka.

I may have said that incorrectly.

That's fine.

We knew who you were talking about.

And CJ Stroud.

Is that five?

That was five.

But you took one of LeBron's.

You can't say CJ.

You're hard.

I'm hard stuck at four.

You're hard stuck at four.

No, we got two more players to watch.

Maybe we watch Tariq Hill if he's

him and the Dolphins get along.

Okay.

And then

if Tua Stay is healthy.

Nope.

That's Hanks.

I'm back to five.

This is not good.

Okay.

Hard five.

Josh Allen.

This is not good.

Sorry.

Christian McCaffrey.

There we go.

Yeah, that's good.

Nice.

Retired.

Memes, you got them?

You're six you could watch?

Poona Ford.

Yeah.

1-1.

Yeah.

Quinn Williams.

Nick Folk.

Okay.

Jets kicker.

Quincy Williams.

Okay.

Brother of Quinnen.

Jermaine Johnson.

Okay.

Will McDonald.

Okay.

And we'll go Javante Williams.

Oh, all right.

Good picks.

Nice.

Good picks.

What about five players?

As a podcast, we can all contribute.

Five players in the NFL you do not want to watch.

Oh, okay.

I think Dak.

Tua, Dak.

Tua, Dak.

Spencer Rattler.

Rattler's a good one.

Yeah.

Someone whose shit you're sick of.

Hmm.

I'm sick of their shit.

Kyler.

Yep.

And then we have one more.

Deontay Johnson.

Deontay Johnson is a good one.

Although he's not on a team right now, is he?

Good.

That's why the NFL is so bad because we don't have to watch him.

Yeah, that's a good one.

Deontays.

Deontay Johnson.

Okay.

All right, that's good.

There are five players that we don't want to watch.

All right.

The, let's see, what else we got?

Oh, Adam Thielen's back on the Vikings.

Yeah.

That was cool for him.

It was nice in Minnesota to just let Carolina hold him for a little bit.

Yeah.

Like, hey,

do you want to hold my baby?

Okay, I need my baby back.

Yeah.

Just release him.

Let him go.

Thanks for paying him.

Yeah, now he comes home because the Vikings need receivers.

Yeah, it was pretty cool that his family was pumped to go back to to Minnesota.

Yes, very, very cool.

We also had the new uniforms, which I

feel like an old man.

I don't like the new.

This is the NBA fuccation of the NFL.

Yeah,

I liked kind of the Seahawks one, and I kind of liked the 49ers black one.

The Seahawks was just Oregon.

Yeah, which is why I kind of like it a little bit.

And the 49ers black uniform, that's kind of cool.

The one with Josh Allen holding the snowball and like looking all iced out, that doesn't look like Buffalo.

Bring back, and I I know they're doing it this year, but the red helmet blue uniform combo is elite.

I'll say it again, though.

It's so the actual jerseys that they put out there are like, I don't like them, but they're fine, whatever.

The 49ers have a classic uniform.

That is football.

You close your eyes, that is football.

I don't need a new 49ers uniform.

The same goes for the Dolphins.

I do not need, like, being like, oh,

what if we made this classic uniform, this classic franchise and we just made their jerseys black yeah i don't that's what they did for the 49ers and dolphins i don't like it the uh the black dolphins uniform looks like the panthers yeah so that's really what it comes down to is like the actual uniforms okay you could sell me on a couple of these being okay i just i covet the nfl i want to hold it and i don't want them to do what they do with the nba and you have a bunch of you know jerseys that don't look like the classic jerseys that we love and also just changing color schemes like the dolphins shouldn't wear black.

Yeah, what about the Patriots, Hank?

They're all right.

I haven't liked a lot of the choices they've made with their jerseys the last five or six years.

They're kind of cool.

I like what they did with the number.

They kind of went to the retro, like, royal blue jerseys they wore in the 90s.

They copied that, like, italicized number style.

It's cool.

What would you like to see them wear?

I want to see them go back to the throwback, like, 1990s, Drew Bledsoe, Scott Zolak, Ty Law, like 1996 jerseys.

Or something like the blue ones or

do you like the red ones?

The red ones, those are like the 70s.

They'll do those, you know,

once every few years, like throwback.

I think they should just like go back to the blue ones.

It's crazy that teams just don't, like, teams have good jerseys in their past, and then they're like, ah, you know what?

Let's just make a new jersey.

And, oh, we can't figure it out.

We'll make it black.

Well, I thought with the Patriots, it was like once Brady left, it was like, it was time you could make a switch with jerseys where it's like the Patriots will always be remembered with the Tom Brady, those type of jerseys.

But you might as well make a switch now because

they're also trying to do it.

It's like a new initiative called Rivalry Jerseys, which is like they're going to have one game a year where you wear your rival jerseys.

And now that's going, you know what?

The week of, we're going to be all into it.

But I don't know.

It's rivalry jersey week.

But when I think of the rivalries, I want to think of the classic jerseys.

Yeah.

What means?

Did you like the Jets?

Not really.

Yeah.

Some of them are also just too similar.

Yeah, that's

week 14 is.

It's what's happening with

the Cracker Barrel.

Thankfully, they switched back.

Thank God.

But that's what all these new logo designs are.

They're basically taking all of the interest and uniqueness of a logo and making it this minimalist blah.

And we all live in this weird concrete world that it's Apple.

Apple just kind of has made everything uniform.

Yeah.

These woke new jerseys.

Yeah.

They stink.

It's Big Brother.

They're just trying to take away any uniqueness.

I don't know.

I don't like change.

Yeah.

I also like being at a stadium and looking around and everybody's wearing more or less the same jersey.

Yeah.

Like, yeah, maybe it's from 10 years ago when it was Adidas before it was Nike or whatever.

But by and large, it is the same color scheme that everybody's wearing.

Yeah.

I just like thinking of old football.

I mean,

we're going to have Michael Irvin on next week, so people should watch the Cowboys documentary because we'll do a quick review review of it.

Just like listening to Pat Sommerall and seeing, you know, Cowboys' jersey versus the 49ers' jersey.

That's football.

That's football.

Now, if the Dolphins had done what the Bills did, all white uniforms, and then they've got their players holding what appears to be a giant ball of cocaine, that would have been awesome.

I would be 100% in on that.

So in.

Okay, Hank, Ryder Cup.

Yep.

How do we think it went?

Not surprising.

I was hoping Keegan was going to pick himself.

He did not.

I really wanted him to pick himself.

So did I, but it's exciting.

It's exciting.

They posted the Ryder Cup did the call.

He had him with Sam Burns.

You could tell, you know, Keegan wanted to pick himself, but he's taking it.

It was the right move, I guess, to not pick himself for the team.

It's better for the team.

And everyone can kind of rally around.

Like, they all know that Keegan wanted to pick himself.

So it's like, you got to win one for the captain.

That's true.

So I like that.

I've spun it that way in my head, and I think that I like our chances.

Is it better, though?

Because I feel like if he had picked himself, then 100% of the pressure is on him.

But if, you know, they're all friends and stuff.

And if someone got overlooked, like, you know, people are like, oh, he should have not picked himself.

And then it becomes a distraction.

Right.

Yeah.

They're basically, he's basically saying, hey, guys,

I took one for the team here.

I could have picked myself.

I didn't pick myself.

Go win this for me.

Yeah.

Yeah.

They better win.

I don't like Patrick Cantley, but I kind of like the idea that he's he's on our side now.

Oh, yeah.

He's like cooler.

We get to weaponize him now.

Yeah.

What weekend is the Ryder Cup again?

It's the 22nd.

So excited.

I think that's the weekend with all the Alabama, Georgia, LSU Ole Miss,

Ravens, Chiefs,

26th.

26th to 28th.

Yep.

That's the weekend of everything.

It's going to be pants tightening.

Make sure that weekend is free.

Do you guys want to do a little parlay for the people?

Sure, do.

Okay.

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I'll start.

I'm going to go Toledo plus 10.

Going to Kentucky.

Kentucky has Zach Calzada.

Also, Kentucky has Mark Stoops, who keeps

saying

how motivated he is this year.

So he's never been more motivated.

Motivated Mark Stoops is what they're calling him in Lexington.

It's never good when you have to repeatedly tell everyone you're the most motivated, essentially being like, I wasn't really doing shit last year.

Yeah, I don't, I find that hard to believe that he's the most motivated right now.

Most, he's most motivated he's ever been.

That's impossible.

Yeah.

How long ago did he start coaching for Kentucky?

A long time.

Was that, I want to say 12 years, 10 years?

How long?

Been a long time.

I'm looking it up right now, but it's.

Just by the way the human body goes

2013 so about 12 years yeah you're getting older yeah you were way more motivated if you're at the same job and you've been there for 12 years you were more motivated motivated six years ago yeah for sure uh and yeah you probably had a better team too uh but yeah the motivated shout out to all the kentucky fans motivated stoops hashtag motivated stoops he's motivated to win uh

I just, this is also the best part about like college football being back, college football fan bases are back where they can get a sarcastic hashtag trending for motivated soup.

So I'm taking Toledo, plus 10.

They went to Mississippi State last year and won there.

They ain't scared of the Big Bad.

Hank, you have your fingers stuck in a certain way?

I will be taking Texas.

Horns up.

You believe in Arch?

Money line.

I believe in Arch.

Does it matter?

Ohio State doesn't want Barcelona.

They don't want Dave.

I don't want them.

I want them to lose.

I want them to lose handily.

Dave's rooting for Ohio State, though.

I don't care.

Oh.

Because the Big Ten.

He's kind of patting them on their head.

Yeah, I don't care.

Are you a little nervous that everyone in the world feels like has been on Texas?

No.

Sometimes the hype is real.

Some, you know, a lot of the times it's.

Sometimes the public wins.

Yeah.

Especially early in the year.

Yeah.

You're right.

PFT?

I'm taking the under in Maine Liberty.

Under 52.5.

Can't wait for that one.

Love that one.

That's a huge one.

I think there's going to be a lot of stupid penalties.

Maine, Liberty, false flag game.

I love that.

Yeah.

Think about it.

I think Memes gets it.

Memes definitely gets it.

No, I don't like Maine's offense.

Yeah,

we're rooting for no points.

Yep.

I mean, have you watched Maine?

Have you read any of the reports coming out of their camp?

It's ugly.

It doesn't look good.

It's ugly.

I also am doing something on Saturday night that I'm going to hate myself for.

I'm going to probably bet on LSU.

And then when Brian Kelly does a red face press conference, it's Groundhog's Day.

Brian Kelly's going to blow this game.

I'm going to bet on him.

They're going to do a press conference after.

He's going to be like, we just can't figure it out.

All this stuff.

And then on Tuesday's show, we'll roast Brian Kelly

and be like, I wish anyone else but Brian Kelly coached LSU.

I actually think this is going to be different.

I'm betting on him, so I know I'm going to be a good guy.

I think it's walking their track.

I'm well aware of what LSU does in week one, and I'm doing it again, and they're going to win this time.

Yeah.

And I like Garrett Nussmeyer.

And Cade Klubnik might have gotten in a car accident, which we'll get to with Brandon and Tom in a minute.

All right.

Anything else before we get to our Mount Rushmore and then Brandon and Tom?

Any other.

There's a tennis beef going on right now.

Oh.

I feel like we should address it a little bit.

So I don't know who these two players are, but they played yesterday at the U.S.

Open.

Wait, can I guess a name?

You're not going to guess the name.

I'm just going to guess as many tennis names as I have.

Okay.

Alcarez.

No.

Sinner.

You're not going to guess this.

Medved.

You're not going to guess this.

That's all the names.

Ostapenko.

Nope.

What does that name mean to you?

Nothing.

Well, she was upset because after the match, she got into a verbal dispute with her opponent because her opponent didn't properly say, I'm sorry, after hitting a ball that hit the net and bounced over.

A let?

No, like in the course of play, you know.

Oh, and I don't know.

You know, like in tennis, if you hit the ball into the net and it bounces over and you score, you're supposed to be like, hey, I'm sorry for that.

I personally,

of all the, and I've played a lot of tennis a lot, I will never apologize for that.

Yeah, so she was very upset about that.

She wrote two pages worth of Instagram stories about it.

Just a small update about the match.

Today after the match, I told my opponent she was very disrespectful as she hit a net ball in a very deciding moment and didn't say sorry.

But her answer was that she doesn't have to say sorry at all.

Exactly.

There are some rules in tennis, which most of the players follow, and it was the first time ever that this happened to me on tour.

If she plays in her homeland, it doesn't mean that she can behave and do whatever she wants.

In the beginning of the match, all players are supposed to start warm-up on the baseline.

The opponent came out, and straight away she started the warm-up at then, which is very disrespectful and against the rules of a tennis match.

Thank you for your attention to this matter.

I gotta say,

I wasn't familiar with this rule.

This is by far the dumbest

unspoken rule of all time.

Yeah, say I'm sorry for hitting a really good shot.

For scoring a point.

Yeah, my bad.

Holy shit.

You're not sorry when you score that point.

No.

You're like, you're so pumped.

You're pumped.

You're like, fooled you.

Gotcha.

Actually, you should start trying to intentionally hit it in the net.

Yeah.

The top of the net because the ball dies after you're going to win all those net, those points.

Yeah.

So sorry, Astapenko.

Oh, man.

You are the softest person in the world if you have to post a note about this after.

Yeah.

And she did like a, look at the font that she did.

Marty Fish, text us after when you hear this part.

Did you ever apologize for this shit?

I hope not.

I hope you were a man about it.

Look at all that stuff.

That's a weird font, too.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No, I hate this person.

I hate her.

Hate her guts.

Okay.

Let's get to our Mount Rushmore.

Then a mega preview of college football.

And then we have our guy, C.J.

Kurst, 1-1 pick for the Water Dogs getting ahead of semifinals.

And we'll finish with Firefest.

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Okay, let's get to our Mount Rushmore.

Okay, Mount Rushmore time.

It's the final Mount Rushmore.

It's a final rush more.

All right, final rush more of the regular season.

This is truly a must-win for me and Hank.

Yes.

Not a can't lose.

Here's where we're at with the standings.

Zach and I have clinched first place with 52 points.

Max, thank you.

Thank you, Hank.

That was nice of you.

Max and memes are at 47 points.

PFT and Hank are at 45 points.

There's now only one way for there to be a duel.

That is for PFT and Hank to win this Mount Rushmore, for Zach and I to finish second, and for Max and Memes to finish third.

There is a path.

There's a path.

Go to the polls.

If that occurs, we will be in a duel and we will do the duel next week, most likely in Wednesday's show.

So

let's...

I'm not, listen, we're not trying to say anything, but it would be great for a duel.

No, not trying to influence the vote whatsoever.

But a duel last year was electric.

I love the duel.

Yeah, and it would be for people who missed the duel last year,

this year it would be Zach and I coming up with Mount Rushmore topics that we then give to the boys and they don't have any time to think or game plan.

They got to go off the dome.

So it'll be completely off the dome.

And we threw out the idea.

I guess we can confirm or deny it.

I like the idea of doing

between the two teams a 1v1, a 1v1, and then a 2v1.

Rider Cups.

Yes, yes.

Maybe even a scramble, where we take the best answer that we give.

You say the first word, Hank says the second word.

Alternate word.

Alternate word.

An alternate word duel would be awesome.

That would actually be great.

That should be one of the formats.

Oh, man.

Okay.

So for the final Mount Rushmore in the regular season, Max is is via Zoom.

Memes, do you have the ball in this one?

Yeah, but Max, Max helped.

Max helped, okay.

And he is that ball.

Memes have the ball.

All right.

Your mic sounds like shit.

I don't know what's up with that, but that's fine.

Who has the ball in your guys' team?

That's Hank.

Hank.

Yeah.

Hank has the ball.

Okay.

I've got so much confidence in Hank.

Okay.

So

I could be like Keegan Bradley.

I could just pick myself and send myself out there.

And I've wanted to do it my entire life.

It's been my dream, but I got to go with Hank.

I think you should.

I think.

Okay.

No, I said, Hank, you got the ball.

All right.

Well, we'll see.

All right.

So you got to win.

We're going to do the

by the way, I was winning.

We never did the analytics, and I was thankful.

I knew it in the back of my head, and I was just not trying to say it.

I think if we looked at our stats for this Mount Rushmore season, the points per PFT picking versus the points for mine is like double.

So

has been better than you?

Way better.

Oh.

I was waiting for someone to bring it up.

And you just brought it up.

But yeah, well, the season.

I've been working on that story for an entire year over now.

But like, I know that.

I think you should take the ball, PFT.

But I will.

You know what, though?

You know what, though, Hank?

This is leadership, okay?

I want you to do it.

You know why?

Because I believe in you.

Just so we're clear, though,

are you saying I'm sitting out?

Like, are you Scottie Pippen here?

Are you?

No, this isn't Tony Keep Coach.

This is Keegan Bradley.

Okay.

This is like, I've wanted to do this.

There's nothing in my life I've wanted to do more than do this Mount Rushmore, but I can't, and Hank's going to do it.

I can't pick myself.

I don't know what Max is doing.

He's very distracted.

He's walking around.

I'm panicking.

I'm panicking.

Okay.

Okay.

It is the Mount Rushmore of worst favors to be asked of you.

Right?

Yep.

Worst favors to be asked.

So worst favors to basically be asked in life.

And Zach and I are first.

You guys are second.

Yep.

And then memes and Max are third third and coming around with the snake.

All right, here we go.

Worst favors to be asked.

R1-1.

In my mind, there's two really good picks at the top of this, but this is one that I really

still hate to this day, and it gets asked a lot.

Picking someone up at the airport.

And I know.

I know this is a point of contention.

It was a point of contention online, I think, like maybe a few months ago.

People were debating it.

Obviously, if you live in a small city,

it's not a big deal.

If you live in a big city, getting asked to pick someone up from the airport is fucking torture.

It can be a pain in the ass, yeah.

We have Ubers for a reason.

It's like, hey, instead of me having to commute from the airport in an Uber, why don't you give up two and a half hours of your day to go there and back?

It's a classic favor that you offer as an empty promise and then say, no, I'll just take a cab.

I don't even offer anymore.

And I don't even offer to take to the airport, too, when the trip's over.

I'm just, offer the farthest I offer is I'll take you to the L.

You'll take you to the blue line.

You're like Derek Jeter, here's your gift basket.

Yeah.

If they, first, in Chicago, I mean, Chicago airport's brutal with the

highway construction.

But New York was brutal.

Yeah, New York was brutal, too.

I don't even have a car.

But if they land, if they land after like 9 o'clock and it's like, you know, it actually is 30 minutes there, 30 minutes back, that's the only way.

Yeah.

You know what?

And as a passenger, I kind of like having that ride to myself.

Yeah.

You get, you, you like, collect your thoughts.

You had shitty Wi-Fi on the plane.

Now you can sit in an Uber, get to check up on everything.

Yeah.

Collect your thoughts.

Yeah, I agree.

All right.

That's our first pick.

All right, Hank.

We are going to go

with

helping you move.

Asking to help you move.

Yep.

That's classic.

That's a good pick, Hank.

Great pick.

Brutal favor to be asked.

And it's probably someone that you're close.

Like, if you're going to ask someone to help you move, you're very close with them.

So it's tough to say no because you're close with them, but it's, there's nothing worse.

Yeah.

Hey, do you want to work out all day and get really sweaty?

And then just after we're done working out, you can just sit in my house that doesn't have anything set up.

That's basically what you're asking somebody.

Yeah.

Oh, hey, don't worry, dude.

I'll get us a six pack of beer.

And pizza.

Yeah.

That's not coming.

Just, you're an adult.

If I was paying for this, I'd pay the people helping me like 500 bucks.

Correct.

But, oh, yeah, I'll get you some pizza.

Yeah, yeah.

Right.

If I, if I actually.

I owe you one.

Yeah.

It's you're an adult.

Go do the adult thing and hire movers if you have that much stuff to move.

Yeah.

Hey, you want to help me move and then we can eat pizza on the floor?

Because Because you know what it is about moving too?

It's always more than you think.

Yep.

And look in your house and you say, oh, there's not that much stuff.

There's so much shit in your apartment or house that just like when you actually like take it, like you think about the plates and all that shit and like the closets, everything just, it's so much.

We only have really one flight of stairs, not counting the stairs that go up into the house.

And it's only like probably five or six stairs.

We don't have anything heavy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Right.

Yeah.

Don't worry.

We can do this.

It won't take like an hour or two.

Okay, memes and Max are up.

Max is not here.

He is here.

Great pick, Hank.

Memes, are you going to take Queen Latifah at any point?

No, I still love her.

Okay.

Watch this Queen Latifah movie with me.

Yeah, that movie.

That's a bad favor to be asked.

Asking for a loan or somebody looking to borrow money?

Yeah.

Okay.

Good pick.

And can you babysit for me?

Can you watch my kids or dog?

That's something that you and Max have been asked a lot?

Wait, no, no, you can't do both, right?

I asked memes one time, dog or babysit?

Is it the same thing?

Totally different.

TFT references his dog as his kids.

Kids.

No, I have kids.

I have a kid, Chris.

Yeah.

And then my dog, Blake.

Yeah.

But do you kids?

I'm trying to watch some dogs kind of fun.

It's definitely kids.

Yeah, kids.

Okay, kids.

All right.

Max, way to clean it up for memes There.

Memes, are you feeling a little nervous that Max had to step in there?

No, I think both should be.

Okay.

All right.

You guys are up.

Let's go, Hank.

What do you think?

This is the draft.

This is the season.

This is a huge pick.

You go.

You got this.

No, Hank, you have the ball.

I don't want the ball.

We're gonna go

with

asking to stay at your place for an extended period of time.

Oh, okay.

Great pick.

Good one.

Great pick.

Can I crash with you?

Even now, like, it's

always when you're talking to your friends and you don't live in the same city, they're like, Oh, yeah, I'll come stay with you.

They're like, Great.

And then, when it, even like week of or leading up to it, you're like, I actually don't want to just have someone staying with me.

If it's one, two days, no problem.

If they're like coming for work or they're like, oh, yeah, I'll stay with you for the week and then we'll hang out in the weekend.

It's like, oh, yeah, they're coming for six days.

Like,

that's a lot.

Yeah.

I'll be clean.

I'll clean up after myself.

They never do.

One time I let somebody stay at my place in Austin because they were in town for a concert for like South by Southwest.

Didn't really know the person that well, like an old, old high school friend came back to my house one time.

They had people over.

Yeah.

They had like six people over at the house.

Commanded the TV.

I couldn't even watch my own TV.

It's and it's it.

This is a, if you're, you know,

college, recently graduated college, totally understand it.

There was a there was a phase in your life when you were like 23, 24, like, I want my friends to stay.

This is fun.

We're just going to kick it all weekend.

Once you become a little bit more of an adult, it's like, dude, can you just get a hotel?

We'll both be happier.

Like, we both will have a way better time where you have your space, I have my space, we hang out all weekend.

Big time.

Yeah, big time.

Okay.

Zach, I think we got to go with

seven.

What do you think?

Seven is good.

Okay.

Oh, or.

Okay.

Or 14.

We really shouldn't overthink this.

What are your thoughts on 12?

But we'd like to finish second.

12.

12.

No, I think that's a little niche, Zach.

Okay.

I think it's a little

niche.

We can maybe get to that in honorable mentions.

Okay.

But I think that's a little niche.

Okay.

Do you want me to just take the ball and go?

You got the ball here, yes, sir.

How about when anyone asks for you to lie for them?

When they're like, hey,

say I was here.

Hey, don't tell.

Just tell.

If your girlfriend are sitting in another ass, my girlfriend is sitting in another,

just say we were doing this.

It's like, come on, man.

Kind of a different story when it's parents, though.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

But this is more like.

Like, lie to a peer.

Yeah.

Yeah.

This is a really good pick.

Come on.

Like, why, why are you putting me in this spot?

I can't say no, but I also don't want to be like, now I have to lie to my significant other.

So

can you

lie for me?

Cover for me.

Yeah, cover for me.

Yeah.

Can you cover for me with a lie?

That's our answer.

All right.

And then

let's go with.

This doesn't happen to us because we don't have these, but I think it happens to everyone who has it.

Can I borrow your truck?

Yep.

I think every truck owner probably has to deal with this.

If they have a pickup truck, you're basically a big billboard in your entire neighborhood being like, hey, if you need to go to Home Depot to get something, just ask me and I'll do it for you.

Yeah, well, so I used to have a truck and that quickly turned into, can you also help me move with your truck?

So it was like a double whammy for me.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So I think owning a truck that

we're truck guys.

Yeah.

But just let's normalize not asking the people with the the sweet shit.

You know what?

Go buy your own Chevy Silverado.

You know what, though?

As a multi-time truck owner, you kind of feel like a man when one of your friends is like, hey, can I borrow your sweet truck?

Yeah.

No, you don't have a truck.

But you can't really.

It's like most of these are favors where you really can't say no and you feel like you're a shithead.

Yeah.

No one's really ever asked to borrow the El Camino, which is technically a truck.

You want me to do it sometime?

I mean, you don't want that.

I'll do it.

I actually, I live quite freely, just parking it wherever I want, knowing that no one's going to be able to start it.

Yeah.

Like, if you get this thing turned on, good luck driving it away.

Yeah.

But if you would like me to, I will ask at some point to borrow it, and you can say no.

I'll say no.

It is powerful.

But then it's been asked.

You guys are up.

Can I say, Zach's a niche one that was honorable mention?

Well, say it because it's crazy.

For honorable mention.

Yeah, I just want to say it now because it's in the top of my mind.

But I'll say it.

Just make a note.

Yeah.

Hank, I highlighted the one that I think would be a strong choice.

All right, we're going to go similar thing.

You really can't say no to this, but you never want to do it.

Write a letter of recommendation.

Yes, we had it.

Yep.

Dude, especially when you just don't know the person.

When someone asks, hey, can you write my kid a letter of recommendation?

It's like,

I've met your kid like twice.

Yeah, I just, I just lie the entire time in a letter.

Like, I say just the nicest thing, no matter who asked me to do it, I've never said no to this favor.

I probably never will.

But yeah, you just write the most glowing endorsement that you you can.

What little life hack?

Because I've done it a few times and been asked a few times.

I just say, yeah, you write it all side it.

Yeah, it's a good way to do it.

It's just like, do that.

But still, you know that

your name is now vouching for someone.

Yeah, but nobody, there's never any blowback on the person that writes the letter of recommendation.

Yeah.

Right?

Like, if you actually, let's say it's a hiring circumstance and you're asked to contact or send a letter to like this company, no one's ever going to go back to you later and be like, yo, what the fuck?

Why'd you write this letter?

If they ask you to like vouch for a friend,

that's when it becomes a problem.

Yep.

Okay.

Good pick, Hank.

Great job, Hank.

Thanks.

Our third pick,

can you cover my shift?

Okay.

I'm currently doing that for Max right now.

Oh,

Max, you shithead?

No, no, no.

People have reasons, but like college football is on tonight.

Want to watch college football by God cover shift?

No?

Pulling up.

Stuff like that.

But like when you work in the restaurant industry, somebody's like, oh, you have the early shift.

Yeah.

So I could go out at night and get fucked up or something.

And your day is just really like your production, but then you just do content, that type of thing.

No call, no show.

One of those things.

It's not describing me.

Okay.

No, no, yeah.

That's a general, like, that's a relatable thing.

Yeah.

All right.

Our final, our final pick.

Can you be the designated driver?

Oh.

Okay.

Yeah.

I mean, Ubers was like

15 years ago.

It's also the one you can just say no.

You can also say yes and then drink your way out of it and be like, well, I can't do it.

Yeah.

Sorry.

Something happened.

Something came up.

I had to have eight beers.

I think the better pick there would have been, can you switch seats with me after you crash your car?

Right?

Like, that would be a terrible favor to be asked.

Yeah, no, being the designated driver is bad.

Okay.

It's bad.

No, it's good.

It's good.

That's good.

It's really good, but

it's a bad

meme, Matt.

I think it's a great favor to ask somebody because you're being responsible.

Yeah.

And you're planning your night out.

Yeah, that's you're saving lives.

It's not a bad favor.

It's a great favor.

No, it's a bad favor to be asked.

No, no.

Because you're showing that you're like, take this seriously.

You're saving lives.

You just download the Uber.

You're before a first responder.

Okay.

We are going to go with one that seems simple, but always kind of stresses you out a little bit.

Can I borrow your charger?

Good pick.

You're never getting that back.

Good pick.

And it's like someone you like, even like Big Cat, if I ask to borrow his charger out, I can always tell he's like, he wants to say no.

Yeah, because you sometimes don't bring it back.

That's a fact.

But that's everyone.

When someone asks me, it's the same thing.

It's like, I guess, but also no.

I can't say no to it because that's a minor thing.

But you want to.

Did either of you boys grab the charger from the cabin at Camp Barcelona that I left?

Nope.

God damn it.

Can I say?

I had to do the thing where you buy a charger in the airport.

So I bought one in the airport because I didn't have my one that I left in the cabin.

Then I go to New Jersey.

Then Rossini shows up to the concert.

She's like, my phone's on empty.

Can I borrow your charger?

I'll give it back.

I gave her my charger.

She had a brick that was ready to plug into it.

She didn't even need my charger.

Damn.

She asked for it, just walked off with it.

Walked off with it.

Can I say that?

Memes, I agree with you about Rossini now.

A super, a super classy move that I I think this is just a level of wealth that

just exists.

But I stayed at Dave, our boss's house in Saratoga.

He just has a charger in every room.

Like the bedroom I stayed in already had a charger in it.

That's what I did.

It's like, I was like, holy shit, this is incredible.

In every room I looked, there was a charger.

When I moved, yeah, I mean, rich guy power moves would be a good, good morning, but I also think he does the thing where he just has wardrobes at all of his houses.

Yeah, he does.

So he doesn't pack.

Yeah.

Like that's that's a level of wealth.

Yeah.

When I moved to this new place, I put a new charger in each bedroom, the two like guest bedrooms.

And then now those bedrooms don't have any chargers because I've borrowed those chargers from those rooms and now they're gone.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Those are that that's brutal.

Zach, should we do the

I mean, this is

do you like two?

Yeah, I like two because it is the worst favor you could ever be asked, but

I don't know if any of us hopefully will ever be in this situation, but should we say it?

Hopefully not, but we would like to take hide this gun.

Yeah, hide this gun.

That's just, I, you don't want to be asked that.

We had borrow your gun on the list.

Can I borrow your gun?

Bar your gun's also bad, but hide this gun.

Yeah, we had hide the body.

Yeah.

Hide that body is, I feel like you can, you can be like, no, I'm going to call the cops.

Hide the, like, hide this gun.

You're like, I don't know what this is about, but.

I feel like that's the same thing.

No.

Yeah.

PFT says hide in my body.

If body's worse than gun.

Dude, a body.

A body?

Are we talking the same thing right now?

From a people?

It's the same thing.

PFD says, hide a body.

What do you do?

Okay.

What do you do, Max?

You wouldn't hide a gun to your head.

No, low-key, I've hidden a gun before.

I don't even.

This is a crazy story.

I don't even know if I've explained.

This is a.

Look at Max's face.

My mom is going to be shook right now.

So when I was in film school, I lived in Walt Ham.

I lived in like a I had a I had a room inside of a house and like I had a bathroom.

So it was like a one-bedroom little kitchen and a bathroom.

So I was secluded.

I could just go in this room and be separate from the people in this house.

And when me and my mom looked at it, she like, I guess, looked up the

history or if there was like people that lived there with crimes, signed, moved in, and then she realized after we moved in, like she typed in the wrong number of the house and like there was a guy that lived there.

It was all just public drunkenness.

Like he kind of looked like a homeless guy, but he was, he lived in the house.

And, like, I would walk in sometimes.

I was like, oh, what's that smell?

That smells weird.

It was crack.

Like, I literally was like, I, that's what crack smells like.

So, I was living in more or less a crack house or like in a house where some guy was smoking crack.

Crack house, yeah.

Then,

like, halfway through, another guy moved in next door, straight out of jail.

We were boys, good dude.

We would hang out, drink beer sometimes, whatever.

One day, I'm in my room, and like, he would, you know, he would just come over, we'd hang out, no big deal.

One day,

a bunch of cops show up at our house, and the guy that lived next door that just got out of jail comes running into my room and was like,

I need to hide this in your room.

What the fuck?

I was like, are they coming for you?

He's like, no, I don't know what's going on.

The cops were just coming for the other guy.

So it wasn't like, it wasn't a thing where they were looking for the gun.

It wasn't a murder weapon.

It was just.

He was just like, he's like, I'm not going back to jail.

I gotta, like, I don't know why these guys are here, but like, I gotta, I gotta to put this in here.

But we don't know that it wasn't used in a murder.

Correct.

No, we don't.

We do not.

But yeah, that was, that was, and like, we were, you know, we were, we were relatively friendly at the time.

I was like, yeah, nope.

I guess like, I just, I, I, I, I accepted it.

I hid, I hid, I had the gun.

And then you gave it back?

I never touched it.

He just, he, like, came in, kind of hid it in my place, went back.

The cops came, took the other guy out.

So once, once they saw they were coming for the other guy, and it was just, like, for like a public, public drunkenness or something.

The guy was a good guy,

Jimmy.

It wasn't a big deal.

But yeah,

it was quite a house, quite a living situation.

You're kind of a power move so that from that point on, you know that he has a gun.

Oh, I knew he had a gun.

Yeah.

He would just come over and tell me jail stories and he really romanticized jail.

One time he was like, I'll never forget it.

He was like

telling funny stories.

He's like, yeah, he's like, I'm not going to lie,

I kind of had boys in jail.

Yeah.

He's like, jail was kind of fun.

He's like, we'd all come together, mess with the guards, like everyone, you know, different days, different guys would mess with the guards.

I was like, this sounds fun.

It's kind of like high school.

He's like, I'm not going to lie.

He's like, I had boys in jail.

And I was dying laughing.

I was like, yeah.

So Hank hit a gun.

Yeah.

And apparently,

this makes this actually a somewhat relatable favor.

Yeah.

And I was so much a little pussy to be like, no.

And if I had said no,

what was going to happen?

I was just like, ah, yeah.

None of us have been asked to hide a dead body.

Zach, I'm going to double check with you.

No, sir.

No, no dead body.

Ever been asked to hide a gun no gun okay are you sure

yes okay

uh all right that was good Mount Rushmore we have you want to hear Zach's uh honorable mention tell me what you guys think if we had taken this with I think you did he say you wanted it for the second pick or second pick second pick um help mulch

Okay, mulch is here?

Helping somebody mulch in the heat of summer.

It's 103 degrees outside.

It's like grab the snow shovels, get the trailer.

We're going to mulch, like we're going to the surplus spot.

Let's go dump this mulch.

And they never have one of the trailers that dump.

It's always shovel work.

I just think

you've got to help them because that's a good pick.

You do get very dirty when you work with mulch.

It gets everywhere.

And

it's kind of the same vein of like,

it's just like, we'll grab a beer after this.

But it was eight hours of mulching.

Most yard work is a terrible favor.

Like doing the hedges.

You guys ever do the hedges?

Yeah.

That's like a chore.

Yeah.

Shoulders brutal ass.

Yeah.

We had, let me Meet get a Hit of Your Vape.

Yeah.

Bad favor.

Can you get the drugs?

Yep.

That's just always like an annoying thing where it's like, dude, you're just being a pussy.

Yeah.

Will you go on my podcast?

Yeah.

Yeah.

What about, oh, this was Zach's one that I liked when anyone asked for the Wi-Fi password and it's super long.

Yep.

That's a really good one.

Yeah.

Also, just, we didn't know how to phrase this because it's kind of like a feel thing, but just being asked to get anything for someone the minute you sit down.

Yeah.

Can you grab my can you grab me a water?

Can you do this?

Like right after you sat down, right after you get comfortable.

Yeah.

Switch seats on a plane.

That's annoying.

Especially if it's a downgrade.

Yep.

You go to the middle seat.

When someone asks you if you can be a wingman on a date with somebody that you really don't like.

Yep.

No interest in.

Yeah.

Can you get me a job?

Yeah.

At a bar store.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Can you save me a seat at a crowded bar?

Yes.

Where you have to be like, sorry, somebody's, they're not here yet, but they're going to be here.

Can you hold my place in line as well?

Yeah, that's a bad one.

Can you watch my stuff at an airport?

I know it's like that's not a bad favor, but I also like, so I'm not talking about if we were in the airport together, because we, you know, are sitting and we're traveling together.

But like that moment when I don't know if it's ever happened to you, but like you're sitting across from a stranger and maybe it's more like coffee shop and they're like, hey, can you just watch my laptop while I go to the bathroom?

Yep.

Asking to borrow a laptop too sucks because it's like your shit's like not really.

Yeah.

All your shit's on there.

Yeah.

But the one I'm talking about is like,

if you play it out in your head, if someone came and took a total stranger's laptop that you've been asked to watch, I would not step in.

No.

I would not say anything.

No, I would wait for the person to get back and be like, yeah, some guy took it.

Yeah, yeah.

It's like, I'm not.

I can describe it.

That's offending your laptop, dude.

Oh, should have.

Can I, can we, can you, do you mind switching seats with me on a plane?

That's what I just said.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, sorry.

I was looking for my roommate picture.

No, that's okay.

Um, will you be godparents?

Oh, it's kind of like that one.

It feels good, it's an honor, it's an honor, but also, like, hey, it could be a big responsibility.

Yeah, I have a very specific one.

Uh,

my kids are in a certain age where they're obviously two out of three of them are out of diapers, but we're, we're, it's a process.

But can you wipe my butt?

It's not fun.

They get asked it, I don't know, two or three times a day.

One time I asked Grant Hill if he could wipe my butt, he was my preschool teacher.

Yeah, yeah.

All right, what about when uh when Johnny Sachs asked you to sack little Carmine's like little helper cousin, and it's during his wedding when you should be asking him for a favor?

That's a good one, yeah, that's a good one.

Also,

this is probably specific to us.

Uh, when people ask us like for tickets, and we're like we don't have we don't have like hookups yeah like we we actually do buy most of our tickets how about you guys there's somebody that that will always ask me for uh san francisco 49ers tickets when they're traveling to san francisco yeah but they're like and if you can make it that'd be awesome yeah it's like i don't i don't live in california and like yeah we interviewed kyle shanahan but i i don't have his phone number yeah let me hit up kyle real quick yeah let me just text him and and see if he can get you tickets uh

all right i I think that was a really good Mount Rushmore.

What if, like, when a country asks you if you can sell them like billions of dollars in weapons to fund their war?

And you have to act like, oh, I'm not part of it, but here's all.

Yeah.

Here's all my ammunition.

Yeah.

That's a bad favor.

That's a bad favor for sure.

Okay, so we'll see what happens.

A duel will happen if PFT and Hank finish first, Zach and I finish second, and Max Amines finished third.

Not that we're influencing the vote.

Nope, we're just laying it out for the AWLs.

And

I would love a duel.

I'll just say it.

What does Cornaki say about this, Max?

I got Big Hat.

I don't know.

I got Big Hat and Zach.

Yeah, I don't feel good about it.

Whatever recommendation.

How many of those are you right?

That was us.

Yeah, I know, but I think that'll drop you down to two.

Oh.

You're a hater.

Big hat and Zach was really good.

That was.

Borrow Your Truck is just an alternate of moving.

Yeah.

We're in trouble.

We'll see.

We'll see.

Well, I hope we're good enough to get second.

That'd be nice.

All right.

Let's get to our interviews.

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And now, here is Brandon and Tom.

Okay, it's time our mega college football preview with our two very special guests.

It is Tom Fornelli, our good friend, and

Brandon Walker, reigning college football expert on the Pardon My Take podcast.

Not our good friend, but he is the reigning college football expert on the Pardon My Take podcast.

Brandon, you've been bitching and moaning about not getting anything for beating Tom in the pickoff last year.

So here is your thing.

The floor is yours first.

We sat here last year on this couch.

You had a competition.

You told me, you you promised me last year, you can be on PMT.

You're going to be our expert.

I walked in.

You had this guy sitting there as a surprise.

Yep.

Ha ha, funny.

Yay.

Everybody got to laugh.

Anyway, we had a competition on that show.

I won it handily.

I mean, handily.

And we haven't mentioned it for 365 days until this moment right now.

So is it like by two points, handily?

Yeah, no, it wasn't that handily.

It was handily.

He is correct that we haven't mentioned it.

Right.

Do you think people wanted us to mention it?

I thought that's what the competition was for, that I I actually won something.

Did I just introduce you?

Yeah, but I thought I would be referred to on PMT multiple times as that, not just the next time we did it.

We did talk about the experts being trivia champions.

Right, we did.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I carried us to that.

No, the

I'll be honest with you, the pomp and circumstance, the parade, all that stuff, that is kept for when Tom wins this.

Right.

I feel like this whole thing was just a sham to hold over my head just in case I lost.

We didn't expect you to win it the first year.

I'm so excited for you to fucking thank me.

I'm the one who got you on the show to begin with.

I don't think that's a good point.

That's good point.

That's a good point.

I was the one who contacted Dan and said we should have Brandon on.

Yeah, that just can't be what happened.

That is.

Tom invited you on the show.

Yeah.

He's like, hey, I've never invited you on the show.

So you're their guest and I'm your guest.

Yeah.

Yeah, we gave Tom a plus one.

Tom, do you have any questions for your guest?

Do you put out on the second date?

I won the first date.

I won.

No, I won the first date.

I won.

No, I think Tom was the better guest.

I don't think so.

I do a hell of a job that day.

I have seen like upwards of five tweets asking for Brandon to be back on the show.

Yeah, that's true.

Well, I think they assume they assume I'm going to be.

I was the reigning PMT college football expert.

Yeah.

I think I was here on bowl season, but it was brief.

Okay.

Okay.

Yeah, I mean, I don't really have a lot of money.

Mississippi State's only appearance in bowl season was Brandon.

Oh, this show.

We're going to be better this year, brother.

Better how?

Better, better, better in football.

How many?

Better.

Not that many because the schedule is is tough.

Schedule is.

Do you have to go to your second hand to count how much better?

I'll just use the one for now.

But I think we're getting further along that hand.

I like that you checked that to make sure.

Do I have six fingers?

No, we're getting further along that hand.

Okay, all right.

So let's get into it.

Let's just start.

Where you guys want to start?

You want to start SEC?

You know what?

You get to decide where you want to start, Brandon, because you are the reigning college football expert on part of my take.

I want to start with a take that I have put out there, and everybody seems to be allergic to, that when you pick a Texas to win the national title, everybody's fine.

When you pick an Ohio State to win the national title, everybody's fine.

I have picked Penn State to win the national title.

And all I have gotten is James Franklin can never win it.

They'll never do it.

They're just a joke.

They'll lose to Ohio State like they always do.

I think it's the most complete team.

I think the quarterback is fantastic.

And I think it doesn't matter that the coach has never broken through.

It only matters if he can do it.

I believe he can do it.

And what do you think about that?

I do not give a fuck about James Franklin's record in games against top five teams.

I don't think that matters at all.

He can't win the big one, though.

He hasn't won the big one.

But you know who hadn't won the big one?

Ryan Day hadn't proven he could win a national title.

Tommy Fleetwood, yeah.

Kirby Smart hadn't proven he could win the big one.

He couldn't beat Alabama forever.

Dabos Weeney had never proven it until he proved it.

You never break through until you break through.

I think they can do it.

Penn State's not Georgia, though.

Penn State's pretty loaded, man.

And they're not

pretty loaded.

Does Penn State have the dudes that Georgia has?

Not the dudes that they had on the 2021-2022 national championship.

Yeah, we're doing a dude off.

But I think they have as many dudes as anybody has this year.

Let me ask you a question about Penn State.

Yeah.

And either of you can answer it.

I believe in Penn State.

I think they're going to be very good.

Aller's a good quarterback.

I like that he came back.

Oh, Tom, maybe not.

Just look at Drew Aller's stats against good teams.

Yeah, yeah, all right.

If you still think he's a good team, but that's exactly what you just said about James Franklin.

But hold on.

James Franklin's not playing.

The player is who matters.

So it doesn't matter against good teams when it's a coach, but it does with this player.

Yes.

When Penn State needs a big play, will they be doing a bubble screen to a wide receiver?

So last year.

That's my only question about Penn State.

Yeah.

Last year they had two great running backs and a great tight end.

They threw the tight end often.

The receivers were garbage, and the receivers being garbage showed up the most when they were playing elite secondaries like Ohio State Notre Dame.

You need a dude.

You need a dude.

They didn't have any.

They went out and got dudes at receiving.

They got Pena from Syracuse.

They got

Kyron Hudson from USC.

That is a dude and a half.

And I think that's going to make the biggest difference this year.

He actually has, this is the first time in his career, four years, that he's had dude receivers to throw to.

If Penn State wins the national title this year, I don't think it's a tremendous upset.

What I think is completely overlooked is you talked about all the guys they have coming back.

And I think that in this year, where there's a lot of teams that we don't really have a lot of, you know, new quarterbacks, new offensive and defensive linemen, all that shit going on, we're kind of overrating the returning experience.

And the thing I would point out is, yeah, Penn State has a lot coming back, but you know what they don't have?

Their best player on their offense last year or their best player on their defense last year.

So those are two significant pieces that they have to replace in Tyler Warren and Abdul Carter.

That said,

they can win the Big Ten.

Their schedule is very easy.

In fact, if they aren't in the Big Ten championship, something went very fucking hard.

Yeah, their toughest game is going to Ohio State.

Yeah,

I think their quarterback coming back for a fourth year and being a three-year starter now is a big deal that can offset the loss of the tight end.

And again, Hudson can, I think he can equal the receiving threat that Tyler Warren was.

Yeah, he could.

I don't think that's

likely.

And yeah, they lost their best defensive player.

I also think they massively upgraded a defensive coordinator.

That is a very good point.

Or this is a huge upgrade.

I definitely think they...

He can win the big one.

There are so many.

He did.

With this year.

With Texas, with Ohio State, with Alabama, with Georgia, with all the other big teams.

they're all replacing quarterbacks.

Ohio State's replacing so much on defense.

They all tick down a little bit, and that allows a Clemson and a Penn State to tick up.

And really,

to me, Penn State's a national champion.

Okay, so since we started with Penn State, let's stay in the Big Ten, Ohio State.

They obviously, you know, Julian Sayen, who's, what, a redshirt freshman,

but he also has an incredible receiving core and maybe the best player in all of college football and Jeremiah Smith.

Do you think that that receiving core makes it like, hey, he doesn't have to be incredible.

He's going to have guys open because it's Ohio State and they'll be just fine.

I think to a degree, because I think of how Will Howard looked at Kansas State and then I think of how Will Howard looked at Ohio State.

Right.

It looked a lot different when you have all those guys to throw to.

But I also think that if you look at the way that they work, they are so talented on both sides of the ball that Julian's saying to me is he's my concern is he's not that big.

And if he's taking hits and he gets hurt, then you've got to go to Lincoln Kineholes.

Who the good news is at least the competition seemed to be close all fall going in.

They weren't.

That could be bad news.

What's his backup name?

Quarterback's name?

I will say you hear like Lincoln Kineholes.

That is the most Ohio State quarterback name I've ever heard in my life.

But like you, you hear whispers like when these competitions are going on, it's like, well, it's a good competition because the backup's just playing well, or it's a competition because the starter that we got that we want to win is not playing well.

From what I've heard, Ohio State was because they were both playing well.

So it was making the decision more difficult.

And also, Ryan Day is also kind of always a little ambiguous about his quarterback going in.

But if I look at Ohio State, I still see the team that is going to be the most talented team on the field pretty much every Saturday they go out there.

Not as overwhelming a talented advantage as they had last year, and they still managed to lose two games, and that was with a senior.

Called load management.

That's what we did.

That's not called load management.

Now that all you guys got your playoff expansion and losses don't matter anymore.

Ryan Day literally pretty much said to us that it was load management.

He did not lose to Michigan.

They don't load management against him.

No, they didn't lose Michigan because of it, but

the way they went about the regular season,

they were planning for the long term.

No, he was giving Oregon and Michigan everything he had.

His ego

was a big Michigan game.

Yeah, and Michigan gave them everything they had that game.

Tell me about the quarterback coming out of high school.

What were his stars like?

Saying?

Yeah.

Five.

Five stars.

Number

one, number one quarterback.

No, he's numbered in Alabama for like two weeks.

Yeah, but Nick Saban wanted him, is really

what people are going for.

Okay.

I mean, it does seem to me like I would rather have an average quarterback with the best wide receivers in college football than the other way, like have the best quarterback and then average wide receivers.

Yeah, it's like a great quarterback can elevate mediocre receivers, but like great receivers can also elevate a mediocre quarterback.

So I think it goes both ways.

And having Jeremiah Smith, and then, you know, Carnell Tate is another very good receiver who rarely gets discussed because of Jeremiah Smith's existence.

And last year, they still had a Mecca Buka, but he is another number two for them who would probably be the number one at 90% of the teams in the country.

So they're going to be stacked.

They're going to be loaded.

And they've added Max Clare at tight end.

And he's coming from Purdue.

And if you look at Ohio State over the recent years, even when they've been really good, they've had good tight ends, but they haven't had like a Tyler Warren kind of tight end.

Max Clare is a Tyler Warren kind of tight end.

So he's going to have free reign over the middle of the field because defenses are going to be worried about Smith and Tate on the outside.

So I think he's going to have a huge season, and they're just going to be even more difficult to stop offensively this year than I think they were last year.

Last year worked out pretty well.

Who's going to win the game on Saturday?

I think Texas.

I think Ohio State.

So when we come into this game and you have, yes, best receivers in the country, there's no doubt about that.

Offensive line took a lot of lumps last year because of injury.

They'll be better.

Running backs just kind of reload there.

Like, I'm fine with all that.

But if I'm looking at Arch Manning taking over the Texas offense and some things they got to replace and Ohio State having to replace the quarterback and everything, the surest unit out of all four units to me is the Texas defense.

I feel like they're going to be ahead of everybody.

They're bringing back the most,

they all got star power.

So we're talking about five stars across the board, but they bring back the most proven commodities.

I think that unit will be ahead of the other three units, and they win a close game on Saturday.

It's throwing darts at the board.

It's at like, what, a two and a half points rate?

Yes.

It's not a one and a half point, really.

Okay, well, I got to get on my phone here in a minute.

But just like

you mentioned that, but I look at Texas, and all the things we say about Ohio State as far as question marks are all the exact same questions we have about Texas, but the game's being played in Columbus.

Now, I know you guys can't go, but a lot of Ohio State fans will be there.

So it's just, it's, I think playing on the road for Arch Manning, and I don't think the hype around him is solely based on his name, although I don't think that has helped him very much because Manning.

But he's a very talented player, like San, a five-star quarterback coming out of high school.

He hasn't been a full-time starter yet, but you're going on the road and you're playing in a really difficult environment.

And it's the first fucking game of the year.

So you aren't really in any kind of rhythm.

so in a game that i expect to be close i wouldn't be shocked if texas gets off to a slow start and it's just too much of a hole for them to dig out yeah if we ever figure out what why did arch not go to ole miss oh probably because he's a good person yeah yeah or i mean texas offered more money yeah yeah

i just want to t-brand it up that's what we do for recurring guests here all right also no you know i will i will say if you're manning it's not like you're in desperate need of money yeah you know you're doing pretty well so if your concern is getting to the nfl and getting the kind of coaching and all that kind of stuff you want you also want to sit for a while to learn and develop, Texas was a kind of a better choice for you in that aspect.

And also, I think just making your own legacy somewhere.

It's kind of why Peyton went to Tennessee Park.

Like not having to live in the shadow.

I think our own path kind of throws in that family.

I give Stark a lot of credit for what he did last year because everybody wanted Arch to play by the end of the year.

There were some question marks with Quinn Euros.

It was like, okay, we know what he can do, but we don't think that he's the guy that's going to...

able to take us the way.

And I think he told Quinn, like, hey, yeah, we're getting Arch in just so you know, your job is safe.

I'm not going to, I'm not going to screw that around.

I'm not going to sell you a bill of goods and then bench you once things start to go bad.

I like what he did showing the rest of the team, like, hey, I will keep my word to you guys, even if it's kind of to the detriment of the team.

Well, Arch also started two games, right?

He started a couple games with an injury, and then he came in.

I think he came in a couple games down the stretch.

Like,

he was...

Probably solid, but it was clear he wasn't ready to be the guy.

And Quinn, you had the fourth year senior, whatever he was.

I think it was easier to Sark to go back to him than maybe we thought it was.

Yeah, you were still operating with a somewhat limited playbook with Arch last year than you were.

Because you would see when Arch did come in for those two games, it was a very, very kind of just five or six plays.

Way more running, right?

Yeah, and there was a lot more running in it.

But as far as the passing game, they were much more limited in what they were doing just because Arch wasn't really ready for it.

I don't like how fast Arch Manning is.

For a white guy, it's kind of off.

Mannings should not be that fast.

No.

But have you seen his Manning face?

Yeah, it's a good elite.

It's pretty good.

It's pretty good.

It's pretty good.

We got a new crop.

All right, so sick in the Big Ten, Oregon number three, although I don't know about Dante Moore.

We haven't seen him since two years ago, and it was not good.

I think this is the team that people are just assuming is going to be top 10 because of their recruiting profile over multiple years.

But

they're kind of starting over.

There's a lot of new guys here.

And the schedule is sneaky tough.

That last game at Washington,

I think Oregon, you can fuck around and look up and they're like 9-3 or 8-4 and wouldn't be shocked.

I have Oregon as the third-best team in the Big Ten, but I feel like it's more about questions about who the fourth-best team is.

Give us Illinois in the conversation.

Illinois in the conversation, Indiana's in the conversation, Michigan, USC, Iowa, Nebraska, like the Washington.

There's like 15 different teams in that league who could be the fourth best team this year, I think.

But with Oregon, I also feel like we're at a situation where we know Drew Aller is going to be the quarterback at Penn State, Julian Sane will be the quarterback at Ohio State, and Dante Moore is the starter.

But there's a kid behind him in Austin, Novosat, who Oregon really likes, who we've seen Dante Moore play.

He started at UCLA as a freshman, wasn't, you know, he was a freshman.

He looked like shit sometimes and he looked okay at others.

But if he's shaky to start, I wouldn't be shocked if by the time that Ohio or the Penn State game rolls around, that Novosat is the starter for them.

So that's going to be an interesting situation to watch.

And I also think Oregon's going to be kind of flipped on its head in that you mentioned like Lanning's been there.

They've recruited very well since he showed up.

And this is going to be the year where those kids finally start really having the major impact, whereas the last few years they've been reliant on transfers and like 24-year-olds, they don't have that anymore.

I think you're going to see a very defensive team that is probably going to be running the ball a lot more.

It's going to be like, you know, complimentary football, but with five-star talent.

All right.

So you mentioned a few teams there: Illinois, Washington, USC, Michigan, Indiana, Nebraska.

Of that group, who are you guys highest on?

Maybe give us your two teams that you're highest on of that group because there is kind of a, the Big Ten has some good density to it this year.

So heft.

I released my playoff 12, and I got Nebraska in it.

I think Nebraska is this year's Indiana in the fact that they will be better as a football team than they have been, and their schedule is fantastic.

I think catching Michigan at home in September, if they come out of September 4-0, like.

No, Sharon Moore in that either.

I think, not that that makes a big deal.

I think that Nebraska is the team quarterback has to take a big step, but he's going from his first year to his second year.

You kind of assume that has to happen for a five-star anyway.

I like Nebraska, I like the roster, and his third year of Matt Rule.

Everything to me adds up.

Like, look, they got neutral side against Cincinnati, and they go at Penn State is their toughest.

Yeah, yeah, but that's late, that's very late in the season.

You can build up a 7-0, 8-0 start here.

No problem.

Can I throw out something that I didn't?

Did you see Dylan Royola's quote the other day?

Is it about Patrick Mahomes?

Yeah, yeah.

He said, I can't get mad at God for making me look like him.

But he doesn't got it.

It's a pure quote.

He literally just dresses like him.

He acts as he does everything.

That's not God making it.

He was corn that way.

Yeah.

That's a red flag quote to me.

Does it bother anybody that the expert has to look at the screen?

Oh,

I'm working off the dome.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Tomorrow.

I told you what the schedule was.

When I used the timeout, then I leaned.

No, I don't need timeout.

I just leaned up to affirm what because I couldn't remember it was Houston.

I'm sure.

Hey, you know what?

Shout out to the guys in the booth for helping you out.

That's very nice.

All right, who's Nebraska's fifth game?

Nebraska's fifth game, that would be Iowa.

No, no, no, that's fine.

No, that's their last game.

I don't know their fucking schedule.

Fucking mine.

All right, so who of of that group do you like, Tom?

I do like Nebraska because you mentioned Matt Rule third year.

Like, he was 7-6 at Temple, won 10 games the next year.

He was 7-6 at Baylor, won 11 games the third year, and he went 7-6 last year with Nebraska.

So history suggests we're going to see a leap forward.

Whether it'll be enough, I don't know, but the schedule works in their favor.

They have the five-star quarterback.

The defense,

we'll see.

It could be Nebraska Overs might be a thing we're leaning into all season long.

I like that.

I like Illinois.

I think their floor is good.

I don't know if the ceiling is quite as high as what we saw last year because they do lose their top two receivers, and that's difficult to replace for anybody.

But for Illinois, a program that has not exactly been wide receiver you over the years, like there's nobody that's truly emerged as the alpha, and I think you have to have an alpha before you can be overly confident.

But having a third-year starter in Luke Altmeyer is good.

Having your entire offensive line back is good, and their defensive line will be one of the better units in the Big Ten again.

So there's a high floor, but there are also tough road games for them at Indiana, at Duke.

We'll see how it goes.

Let me throw something at you real quick.

Right.

Oh, in Illinois.

Altmeier, to me, is a good, solid quarterback, but not the type of quarterback who is going to drag a mediocre receiving core to greatness like you described earlier.

Like, I think he's a solid guy, but I don't see the ceiling isn't that high for him individually.

Would you agree with that?

I think he could play his way into like a late-round NFL draft pick, yeah.

Like a fourth, fifth, sixth.

Like, yeah, somewhere in the back end.

But it's also Bielam a ball.

Yeah, but he doesn't have to be

leaning, because they were not a running team last year.

They threw it all over the place last year.

This year, we could see them lean more into the run game if a receiver doesn't emerge.

But we're also going to see them in more 12-personnels because

they've got more tight ends.

Well, you can't play 12 guys.

It's only 11 allowed to play.

It's very funny, Brad.

Experts.

Expert over here.

All right, who's going to be?

How am I supposed to feel about Signetti this year?

Because I'm going into this year.

He's an asshole.

Well, I had to be a defender of Signetti.

Why?

Well, because I left you.

No, I'll explain.

I'll explain.

You can call me Cuck after this if you still think that.

But my theory is that I'm going to be a

stepping stone school no matter what at JMU, right?

Like coaches, if they get to the college football playoff, if they're winning the conference in the Sun Belt, they're going to get poached eventually by a big school, by a big state school.

And that's what happened.

I might as well want to be the best stepping stone that there is.

So you attract the next guy up, like Bob Chesney, great coach.

Happy to get him on board.

But he took also a lot of JMU's players last year.

So I also felt like I was rooting for JMU in a power conference.

That was fun.

But now that's like one year removed, I think I have to be like, fuck this guy.

He's no longer a Duke.

I think you should have done it last year because he took all your players.

He took your players and left you.

You want to be the best stepping stone school.

That includes having your players around for the next guy.

And he took all your players, went to Indiana, played a softer schedule than you guys played last year, and acts like he's Steve Spurrier all of a sudden.

He's an asshole.

Well, he has to do that to get attention on Indiana.

That's what you have to do as a coach.

I don't know if this has ever happened to any of you guys, but fun story about Kurt Signetti.

I was in Vegas last month, and I'm taking a piss at the stall.

stall, and all of a sudden, a guy pulls up next to me.

It's Kurt Signetti.

I don't know if you guys have ever had a celebrity piss next to you.

No, did he?

Was he able to pee?

No, I wasn't.

He was.

Yeah.

Strong flow.

Good flow.

Very strong

for a man.

Yo, Tom, that's where you and I met.

It was in the bathroom at Blogs.

Was it Blogs with Balls?

Yeah, I believe so.

Yeah, I think I was taking a leak and you were taking a leak next to me.

I said, hey, I'm PFT Commenter.

And you're like, holy shit, good to meet you.

And we crossed swords, and it's been friendship ever since.

Yeah, Bran's never done that.

Who of that group in the Big Ten is going to disappoint?

It could be Indiana.

It could be Illinois.

Oh, fuck.

It could be Illinois.

It couldn't be.

Yes, it could.

And you know it could.

Well, to be fair, you know what disappointment looks like.

I know what pure fucking heartache looks like.

You ain't been where I've been.

You're going to tell an Illinois football fan he hasn't been where you've been?

Listen, we played in a bowl a couple of years ago, and I haven't even seen, I don't even know what a bowl smells like.

Who'd you beat in that bowl game?

We beat Illinois.

Exactly.

So you're going to tell me I don't know what it's like to be on that bowl.

You guys have been in bowls ever since.

I can't even, my coach died.

You only get one more year for that, by the way.

All right, at least I get the one.

Yeah.

So

I just think with Indiana, like we saw it with Florida State last year.

When you build your team through the portal like that, it's a lottery ticket a lot of the times.

And last year they caught, you know, they caught lightning.

It all worked out.

The schedule was great.

Every single transfer hit.

They've got a lot of those guys back still, but you're going back to the portal.

You've got a brand new quarterback in.

You brought in a new offensive lineman.

We saw it at Florida State.

If it doesn't work and shit goes south quick, teams will check out.

Like when you hire mercenaries, mercenaries can only live to fight another day if they get the fuck off the field.

Yeah.

The only thing about that is I do think the profile of the transfer quarterback they got this year is even better than the one they got last year.

Yeah, but the one they got last year was very experienced and Mendoza.

And he played a week schedule.

This guy doesn't get to do that.

No, but Mendoza,

Mendoza, I think right now is far more projection than actual production.

I think people look at him, they see the size, they see the arm, and they kind of start drooling on what he can be in in the NFL.

I think at the college level, there's still some kinks that need to be ironed out of his game.

That if you watched Cal closely last year, there were good moments, but there were also a lot of what the hell is he doing moments.

And now that Indiana is going to be more in the spotlight, that could bite them.

Back to Nebraska real quick.

Dylan Rayola, just by just a pure vibe, gut reaction to having your leader dress up as another human being.

I don't like it.

I don't really like it.

No, I don't like it.

Tribute band.

I could make you check out.

But at least he's like Brandon last year.

He's doing Pastor Mahomes and not putting Rod Taylor.

Don't say God made you that way.

You're doing his celebrations.

You're doing his warm-ups.

When Desmond Watson cosplayed as you last year, how'd you feel about that?

That was good.

You're talking about the really, really fat guy?

The guy that didn't make the bucks, yeah.

Because he's so fat.

You also get upset about not making enough bucks.

Did you forget who he was the minute he went to the NFL?

No.

That would be an awesome bit.

If, like,

a player goes to the NFL and you're like, who's that?

I do sometimes.

Not my problem.

He's 460 pounds.

Who's Kim Ward?

Yeah.

All right.

We'll go to SEC.

Can we?

We've been talking about the damn Big Ten the whole time.

All right, let's start with the SEC.

Talk me off of Alabama to win the national title 10.

I have no problem doing this.

I did it last year.

Last year, I sat on this couch, and he's right.

Jalen Millrow.

Or Jalen Millbroad.

But this year, Alabama fans are going with the narrative, yeah, well, Kalen DeBoer came here, and he had to start Jalen Millrow or he was going to lose the team.

And that's why we were so bad.

Which Jalen Millrow took him to the playoff two years ago.

Like,

he an ability as a college quarterback to do it, and for whatever reason, the coach doesn't fit Alabama.

And to me, now they're turning to a guy who has been there for four years, and multiple coordinators and multiple head coaches have never believed in this guy.

Never once have multiple coaches and multiple coordinators looked at Ty Simpson and said, that's our guy.

And now all of a sudden, by default, he's the last one standing.

And we're supposed to say, oh, wow, everything that went wrong last year when they got boat raced by a bad Oklahoma, they got beat by a mediocre Vanderbilt, and they should have lost to South Carolina.

Everything that went wrong last year is is fixed because this new quarterback that nobody's ever believed in?

Counterpoint.

Not happening.

Ryan Grubb.

Ryan Grubb does make me feel a little bit more.

What if he is the Kalen DeBoer?

What if he is the reason?

He's the recipe.

Yeah, he's the recipe because he's followed Kalen DeBoer everywhere he's gone.

He obviously wasn't there last year.

Now he's back with him.

What if he's the offensive coordinator that I've seen?

We discussed it earlier when we were talking the Big Ten.

What can really great wide receivers do to an average quarterback?

They can lift him up.

Right.

What does Ty Simpson have?

A really, really good.

He has great receivers around him.

It's not like Jeremiah Smith grabbed all the attention, but Ryan Williams is pretty fucking young, too.

He's only 17 years old.

He's got plenty of weapons around him.

He's going to have a very strong offensive line.

And it's not like I know that Nick Sabin changed the format towards the end where it started becoming, I've got NFL quarterbacks now, so good fucking luck.

But they won plenty of national titles at Alabama just with a game manager quarterback.

I don't think Ty Simpson needs to be anything spectacular.

He doesn't need to be first team all SE.

Nick Saban ain't there anymore.

The defense is on first round.

Nick Saban ain't there anymore.

He just has to distribute the ball.

And Kalen DeBoer and Ryan Grubb are very good at putting together an offense that teaches their quarterback how to distribute the ball.

So he's going to be able to get it out, and he's going to let his receivers do all the work.

They got good running backs.

They've got a good offensive line.

Defensively, they're still going to be really, really good.

I've got them reaching the SEC title game.

I don't know if they can win the national title, but I don't know.

There are so many questions about everybody that I feel like there are eight or ten different teams you can make a logistical, logical argument for winning a national title.

And that's kind of how I did it because they were 10 to 1, where it's like Ohio State's 6-1.

Like, why would you want to bet the favorites favorites when there were so many?

I'm fair with that.

I do think there's probably 8, 9, 10 teams that can win it.

And even in the SEC, probably 4, 5, 6 teams are going to win the SEC.

Like, I'm good with that.

But to me, there were just so many bad signs in that first year.

Caitlin DeBoer goes to a national title game with Washington, switches to a roster that is loaded.

They were loaded last year.

I know they're loaded this year, but they were loaded last year.

They were loaded last year.

But Jalen Miller couldn't make the throw.

They didn't have Ryan Grubb.

They were loaded last year, and Caitlin DeBoer figured out a way to lose to Vanderbilt.

I don't care anything going going on in Alabama.

You just can't let an Alabama roster lose to a Vanderbilt roster.

Vanderbilt had the better quarterback then.

You can't do it.

You can't lose to that roster.

No, I'm not making an excuse for it.

I'm just saying they had the better quarterback.

You can't go to Norman, Oklahoma, and get beat by a mediocre team 24-3.

Like, there's something, there's a disconnect.

It takes a different kind of human to win in the SEC.

I'm not saying a better coach or whatever.

It takes a different kind of human, and I don't think Caitlin DeBoer fits Alabama.

Ryan Grubb is the connector.

Maybe he's seen him succeed.

We haven't seen him succeed the SEC.

I just bet it on Ryan Grubby.

You got to be a borderline criminal because I like the SEAL.

When you say you can't go to Alabama and lose to Vendy, they did.

They did that last year.

Right.

He's still the coach this year.

I feel like there's going to be a lot more pressure.

If he's 9-3 this year, his ass is on the hot seat.

You can't do that this year.

You get one year to figure out the SEC.

Agreed.

For sure.

But I also think part of it, too, just like you look at the kids on the roster, they've gone from Sabin to DeBoer, who are two very different kind of personalities.

I think kids were just trying to figure out what they can get away with last year.

And maybe DeBoer wasn't

doing it in year one.

I'm not going to stop?

Substitute teacher energy.

Yeah.

But, well, it's the second year.

He's still around.

But if he couldn't lead them in year one, if they were trying to get away, if he had to go with the quarterback he didn't like because he didn't want to lose the team, what kind of leader is that?

Well, James Franklin.

What kind of leader is that?

James Franklin's past performances don't matter when you pick Penn State winning a national title, but one bad season for Caleb DeBoer, who's had nothing but

everywhere he's fucking.

There's no way he can lead a team.

He was only in the national title game two years ago.

Hello, Braden.

You're in the corner.

Hold on.

It's a fair point.

It's a fair point.

But Calen DeBoer has never proven it in the SEC at all.

James Franklin's proven it in multiple conferences.

He's already won the Big Ten once, right?

He won in 2016.

Like he has proven he can get to this level.

He just can't open the door.

Calen DeBoer going to the SEC.

The SEC is a different monster.

I understand he did it at Washington.

Alabama fan base and the Alabama pressure is different and it fucks people up.

And it fucked him up last year.

I think it's going to fuck him up again.

He's not built for this.

Now he knows what to expect.

He had no idea what he was in.

He's got Ryan Grubb.

He's not built for this year.

He's not Ryan Grub.

Ryan Grubb is a fucking human shield.

He He will protect him.

You're not going to stop with Ryan Grubb.

Ryan Grubb will turn off the radio when he's listening to it so he doesn't hear any of the Talen DeBoer ain't built for this shit.

It is a nasty war.

Ryan DeBoar is one of the best fucking football coaches in the country.

That ain't what I said.

He ain't built for Alabama.

Alabama is a fucking nightmare to coach at.

Only somebody like Nick Saban could manage the expectations and the demands and all the fucking bullshit you got to deal with.

Nick Saban's the greatest coach of all time.

Agreed.

We talked.

They're supposed to be SEC.

They're supposed to be SEC.

I don't know.

I don't know that Kalen DeBoer is SEC.

I don't think they're.

But is the SEC still the SEC?

Yes.

Oh, shit.

You're still competing against Kirby Smart.

You're still competing against these motherfuckers down there.

Change the cost.

You change the cost of doing business.

All right, Georgia.

Gunner Stockton.

We're going to talk about Heisman at the end, but Gunner Stockton is something I've been looking at.

I'm going to shift back here.

Okay.

I just, I can't, you know.

Why did you shift in the first place?

Because you shifted.

Yeah, but I'm going to shift.

I'm a shifter.

And people know that.

Do I buy the Gunner Stockton stock?

Not to win.

Well, I'm looking for.

Listen, you're talking to the guys who had 40 to 1 Travis Hunter last year.

You look like an idiot.

I've never had more questions about Georgia under Kirby Smart than I have about them.

But Travis Hunter, I knew if he was a bad guy.

No, you talked about 40 to 1.

You tried to talk me out of Travis Hunter.

I did.

I said he's not going to be able to stay healthy, but he did.

He's 40 to 1.

So Gunner Stockton, are we going to say that?

And Kalen DeBoer is not billed for the SEC, but he will.

Is Gunner Stockton capable of leading this Georgia team, or is it, hey, he couldn't beat out Carson Beck and Carson Beck's stunk last year?

I don't know.

My biggest concern about Georgia, and it's not really a concern, it's just the question marks.

Like we saw when they were winning the two national titles, they were the best team in the country by far.

They were just able to rotate guys in and out along the lines of scrimmage because they were so fucking deep.

But the one thing that the portal has done is a lot of the guys who used to be sitting on that second or third string of the depth chart have moved on to go start other places.

So they don't have the same kind of depth that they've had.

And now, if you look at their offensive line last year, it was not nearly up to your typical Georgia standard.

And the best part of that line was the interior of it, the two guards in their center.

Those guys are gone.

So you've got pretty much a brand new offensive line as far as experience is concerned.

I mean, it's Georgia, so they're not going to suck there, but are they going to be elite?

I don't know.

And if you don't have an elite offensive line with Gunner Stockton behind it, I just don't think the margin for error for the Bulldogs is nearly as small as it was before.

I think that they could have problems.

But when I say Georgia could have problems, I mean it could go nine and three.

Right.

I agree with all that.

I'm not a big Georgia believer this year.

And not only the offensive line's a good point, but

Carson Beck wore it last year, but the receivers and running backs were average as hell, and receivers were garbage.

Yeah, they had no receivers.

They were garbage.

They led the country and dropped passes.

Carson Beck was bad in his own right.

He had something going on in his head or whatever.

Now he's at Miami.

I don't think Gunnar Stockton's the answer to fix all of that in one offseason.

And I don't see an improved receiver room or running back room.

To me, they're a solid 10-2, 9-3 team that can mess up somebody else in the SEC, but I don't see the national title contender I saw three years ago.

10 and 2 is a...

But if Georgia finishes 10 and 2, you're a playoff team.

Also, where you should keep your hands on the wheel.

Do they teach that at Georgia?

No.

Do you see Clemson suspended a guy for a game for DUI?

I was wondering what Kirby Smart was thinking when he saw that.

At what point does it become an actual issue

that the team has to force the guys to go to preventative driver's ed classes?

I think there would have to be multiple murders or something.

At some point, I don't...

Kirby Smart's not going to do anything, and George is not going to do anything to Kirby Smart as long as he's winning.

It doesn't matter.

Crimes don't matter if you're winning in the SEC.

That's 100% true.

That's America.

Crimes don't matter as long as you're winning.

If you're winning in football, crimes do not matter.

Yeah.

What even is crime?

Let's ask ourselves.

Speaking of crime, is it criminal what Auburn did a couple weeks ago and just gave themselves like nine more national championships?

My take is that you can try to pull this bullshit, but you have to do it within like two years of when that national championship would have been so that people can get properly mad at you.

You can't claim national championships from like, I don't know, 15 plus years ago.

It's bullshit what they did, but it is not fair to judge Auburn through a normal lens.

They share a state with the most egregious violators of this, of anybody.

They live next door to Alabama, who claims national titles where they finished number 20 in the AP poll.

1941, Alabama went 8-3, finished number 20.

They claim a national title.

Alabama's got like six or seven of those.

So if you're living with them, fuck it.

Just claim whatever.

Now, the 93 one, when they're in probation that's stupid yeah i am i don't like i think it's funny when schools claim national titles so i'm not gonna like get on them about it but i do think there needs to be a statute of limitations where you're claiming a title from over a century ago yeah because they now a computer rating of that season ran box scores through a simulation and said oh this team's great like there were some that they did that's great but it's also like no there were some that they did when when they lost to the eventual national champion and they're like yeah we're gonna claim that one too so i i think anything before like 1950 i think every school should just claim at least three.

Yeah.

Every school should claim because nobody fucking knows.

Can we talk about Auburn real quick?

Because

the other, no, I'm saying this current, not 100 years ago, Auburn, this current Auburn team.

Yeah.

Jackson Arnold is also someone I'm looking at for maybe a long shot Heisman.

Thoughts.

I think their offense is going to be good.

And also here.

All right.

So let me state my case.

Cam Coleman's very good.

Yes.

Yes.

Okay.

Great receivers on it.

Okay.

Jackson Arnold was in a bad situation last year against with Oklahoma.

Terrible situation.

And on top of all that, what has Auburn always proven to us is when you think they're down,

some crazy fucking year happens.

But it's been like, so if you go to the bottom, I know, but if you want to go chaos theory, I could see it.

But here's the thing.

I was a huge Jackson Arnold guy last year.

He was somebody I was very high on, and I felt like Oklahoma threw him under the bus.

He got blamed for a lot of the things that were wrong with that team, which were primarily all on a horrible offensive line.

I have not heard anything good coming out of Auburn Camp about Jackson Arnold.

Okay.

This is why we have our not expert, but insider.

It's just like...

Now, wait a minute.

He's our insider.

How did he get a title?

He just gave us a nugget.

They literally give me it.

He just gave us a nugget.

I'm curious how you don't hear anything good out of Auburn because those people never say anything bad about themselves.

Oh, I'm not talking to Auburn people.

I'm talking to, you know.

He's got insider people.

Even the people.

This is how you don't understand, Brandon.

Oh, I understand.

No, it sounds to me like.

What sources?

Do you want to have a source off?

When Brandon wants to report on a team, he just calls somebody from the team and then he just parents whatever they tell him.

He reads somebody on Twitter who's

handed on a message for him.

That's your

Hank does that.

Hank reads and excites me.

But I just, I've heard a lot of negative buzz coming out.

And also, Auburn, like, their plan last year was to kind of load up the money cannon to go into the portal this year to kind of do what Ole Mist did last year and make a run for it, except the kind of talent that was in the portal the last few years didn't show up in the portal this year.

So they kind of blew it on multiple quarterbacks.

So like, because they've got Ashton Daniels from Stanford, and who's the other kid that they got?

Well, they got the Deuce Knight kid out of Mississippi.

Deuce Knight, they paid for for it out of Heisman.

Great game.

So, Jackson, I don't know.

You look at Hugh Freeze's history.

I pair that with the kind of stuff I've heard coming out of camp.

I don't know that Jackson Arnold, like, it could be a quarterback carousel there.

It could be week-to-week fucking serious.

Hell, they've said he might play all three on the first and all three coordinators.

And I think, like, I forgot about it.

They have a play caller for first down and second.

They have nine different combinations.

You guys were trying to do the permutation.

Yeah,

Matt's not our strong suit.

No.

But, like, I just don't know if Jackson Arnold is going to be the guy there every week.

And it's going to be really really hard to win the Heisman if you're getting Steve Spurrier rotating quarterbacks.

Yeah.

I have two things about that.

Okay.

A, I think Hugh Freeze as an elite quarterback whisperer that he was at Ole Miss, and then even at Liberty, I think it's dead.

I think it's gone.

You want to know what that was?

People didn't know the offense yet.

Yeah.

It's a very simple.

Yeah, it's not that complicated an offense.

But number two,

let's paint the picture that Jackson Arnold at Auburn is very good, and you want him to be the Heisman Trophy winner.

Can I even come up with a world where he's better than Arch Manning at Texas or Lagway at the Council?

Listen, these are all long shots.

Can't come up better than Sellers at South Carolina.

I'm talking the top three of the SEC.

I know.

I'm talking long shots.

We're looking for value.

I'm probably not going to bet it.

I'm just throwing these out there.

It's just a thought.

I think a better long shot in the SEC, and I haven't looked at the Heisman odds as closely as I'm sure you have so far.

I don't know what Lagway is at Florida.

Can they get to nine wins?

Can Florida get to nine wins?

If he gets to nine wins, he's got it.

You've got to get to nine wins to win the Heisman.

I'll give you a long shot quarterback in the SEC.

Austin Simmons at Ole Miss.

Ooh.

Just because Lane Kiffen.

He's right.

He's right.

Lane Kiffen still is good at coaching quarterbacks, and he also has an offense that is still very good at getting their quarterbacks to put up numbers.

And if Ole Miss, like they missed out last year and it feels like they kind of missed their shot and so everybody's just kind of completely overlooked them.

And I understand why because I look at the team and it's not a perfect team.

But I think that offensively they are dangerous enough that if Simmons kind of overperforms what you would expect from somebody with his lack of experience at this point, like that's a team that could surprise people.

It could be in the playoff hunt like Miami was all season last year, where even if they come up short, Simmons might have an incredible season with the kind of numbers that allows him to, you know, end up getting in there.

Okay.

I don't mind that.

I mean, I think he's talented.

He looked good against Georgia in the drive that he got in.

Lane can obviously coach quarterbacks, but you're kind of poo-pooing something that I think is a great point.

They went 9-3 last year with the best roster in school history.

Yeah.

And Jackson Dart put up numbers.

What did he finish in the Heisman?

7th, 8th, 9th.

Like, he wasn't in the top echelon of Heisman.

If Jackson Dart in his last year there with a peak roster didn't do it, I don't see Lane magically throwing quarterback dust on this guy.

First of all, I don't think they're going 9-3.

I think they're going 9-3 at the very best.

And I just don't...

I think he's going to be good.

I don't think he rises to Heisman level good.

Yeah, you do need nine wins.

He's a half shot, though.

I think he's like 40 or 50 to 1.

Austin Simmons is 40 to 1 on the DraftKings ports book.

I didn't need to look that up, by the way.

I do.

My actual Heisman pick, I think, is on that screen right now.

Can you see it?

I can see the screen.

Yeah.

There it is.

Jeremiah Love.

That's mine.

Okay.

That's your highest.

25 to 10.

That's my high score.

The narrative doesn't.

You don't have to do a narrative when it's Notre Dame.

No, it's a Notre Dame running back who rushed for 17 touchdowns and over 1,000 yards last year while his quarterback vultured 17 touchdowns from him.

The question is, will he get enough carries?

That's it.

If he gets enough carries, he's electric, and it's Notre Dame and sports writers are going to go crazy for Notre Dame.

Max, you said that's down to 25?

Yes, 25 is a good one.

That was 40 at a week and a half.

Oh, fuck.

Brandon, what about Mississippi State?

Are people asking if Brandon Walker?

Nobody's asking about Mississippi.

He just did.

This is the number one podcast in America.

He just did.

Yeah, let me stress my question.

Is Brandon Walker to blame for Mississippi State being dog shit these last few years?

And here's why.

Brandon, you're probably what, the top, you're probably in the top 10 in terms of richest Mississippi State alumni.

Why would you ask this?

Why aren't you giving enough money to the program?

I'm doing what I can.

I got four kids, brother.

I got a private school to pay for.

My wife.

Aaron signed shit.

He's buying old newspaper fucking machines, but he's like, I don't have any money to give to Mississippi State.

Oh, you can't get a linebacker.

I got a good deal on that.

Remember 17th Greg Maddox memorabilia.

I got to say, Brad, is it like the end of Schindler's list when you're looking around at your little chair and you're like, oh, this Ron Gant poster, that could have been a linebacker.

Not familiar with the movie.

I'll watch it later.

I wouldn't expect that you would be.

I just, I, listen, our coach died.

And

is that a thing that I say on Twitter and people smile at?

Yeah, sure.

He died at the wrong time.

Oh, it's history.

He died right when the transfer portal and everything was happening.

And then we were called.

Is there ever a good time?

Never a good time for your coach to die.

I don't think so.

But this was particularly bad.

Are you seeing that link came?

I mean, maybe if you're losing a game and he dies on the sideline, and then we have to come back in the weekend.

Yeah, yeah.

No, like the transfer portal and then everything, NIL popped off.

And Leech had his own way of doing recruiting.

He wasn't going to play that game anyway.

So now we're two or three years behind.

We're fighting back.

The money's a lot better.

Took in 29 transfers this year.

You just got a new contract.

I just got a new contract.

There's some money in your pocket.

I'm working on Moore Cowbell, the NIL podcast that I'm going to do with Jake Mangum of the Tampa Bay Race.

Like, we're fine.

We're fine.

Things are going in the right direction.

Now, I don't even know if the NIL with the revenue sharing, I don't even know if the podcast needs to happen.

I fully support your Our Coach Died excuse, but again, you got one more year.

One more year.

That should be the name of your pocket.

One more year.

Our coach died.

Our coach died.

Yeah.

All right, top five teams in the SEC.

I like LSU a lot.

You do?

I do.

Hot seat, though.

What about Brian Kelly being a

It goes back to the James Franklin thing, right?

So

if I am going to believe James Franklin can bust through, I'm going to believe that Brian Kelly with the talent at LSU.

Now, the defense has to come a long way, but the receiver group,

the quarterback, I just think a lot is lining up for LSU.

They are a Peaks and Valleys team.

When they are good, they are national title good, and then they go away for a couple of years, and they come back.

I think this is a comeback year for them.

Texas, obviously.

And I don't really believe in Florida, and I don't believe in in South Carolina to the level of other people.

I think South Carolina is the biggest fraud in the SEC.

So I would probably go chalk there.

I'm going to do this game again.

No, I'd probably go chalk there with Alabama, Georgia, and then, I don't know, Ole Miss probably sneaks into that fifth spot.

I picked LSU to win the national title.

So I'm with you on that.

I picked him to win the SEC.

Yeah, I picked him to win the SEC, too.

And it's kind of along with what you just said.

The way that they work, it's like when you don't expect them to be anything, is when they're going to jump up and have a great year.

And they have a quarterback who might be a first-round pick.

They have excellent talented receiver.

They've got to replace damn near the entire offensive line, which could be a very big problem going up against Clemson in your very first game of the season.

But I thought that defense last year was improving as the year went on under a new coordinator.

You go into year two, you expect it to be better.

As far as after LSU, I got Alabama second, Georgia third, Texas fourth, and then fifth.

Yeah, I haven't thought about fifth that much.

I'm still going to go with Ole Mist because I'm with you.

Like Florida, every time you talk about Florida, everybody says, well, if DJ Lagway stays healthy, DJ Lagway has never been healthy, it feels like, since he showed up, and it's only been a year or so.

He's not healthy now.

Yeah, he got hurt last year during the season.

Then all offseason, it's like he's not able to throw in camp.

And then he's able to throw in camp.

And you head in the summer.

It's like, well, now it's like a calf injury or something.

And he's not, it's just until he shows the ability to stay on the field, which he could.

But if he, when he does, he is very, very talented.

I just need to see him stick it out before I'm going to buy into the Gators.

No, I have my fifth.

I'm my fifth in Missouri.

I like Missouri.

Okay.

Okay.

I worry about their offense this year.

You look at Missouri.

I think Eli is brilliant when it comes together to putting an offense and

just putting together a system and all that and gets the absolute most out of his guys.

But they lost two guys in their offensive line, both tackles.

And Mizzou just does not strike me as a program right now who is in a position where they can lose those two guys and just completely pick up the slack where they were.

Now, they got Ahmad Hardy, the running back transfer from Louisiana Monroe, who I think is very good.

So it's possible they could do like the Cody Schrader out a few years ago, where they just completely lean on the run game and what should be an excellent defense.

But I don't know.

I just don't know if they can score enough points this year to really be the fifth best team in the SEC.

No mention of Oklahoma yet.

How hot is that seat?

I love John Matier.

This is Brent Venables' last season.

Who's more pre-fired?

Brent Venables or

Billy Napier?

Pittman.

Oh,

Pittman's more.

I think we said Pittman was going at the start of last season.

Pittman's not tried to leave.

He was like, hey, just give me my buyout.

I'll leave.

And they're like, no.

I think Pittman is just they're waiting for a certain date.

Yeah.

I think his agent literally went to Arkansas and was like, please let us just go.

Don't sleep on stoops, though.

Stoops, I feel like he's like, yeah, they could be bad.

He's on, like, the pony at the end of the trail just slumped over.

He's been dead for a couple of days.

How is Zach Calzana still?

I don't know.

I don't fucking know.

It's crazy.

The list of A ⁇ M quarterbacks throughout this country, mediocre A ⁇ M quarterbacks starting in this country this year is crazy.

It's just infected the world.

There's six of them.

Wait, what was the analogy for Stoops?

He's the pony at the end of the trail.

No, he's a cowboy.

He slumped over on his pony at the end of the trail.

He's dead.

We just haven't told the herd yet.

I do feel like Stoops has run his course at Kentucky.

I just feel like that's...

When the A ⁇ M thing happened, that was the...

Yeah, I mean, I think he knew.

Like, he understood.

Like, I've taken this program to the highest I'm going to be able to get it.

And the natives are kind of getting restless because that's how it works.

Like, when you're in a program like Kentucky and you don't have a lot of success and then you start getting success, the fan base starts to expect that every single year.

So it's like, it's really fucking hard to do that at Kentucky.

So I think he was looking for a way out.

I do feel like if Kirk Ference retires.

And it makes it really easy for both parties because Stoops can just walk out the door and head to Iowa and Kentucky can move on.

And then Summerall can head to Kentucky.

Can we all

want that?

Let's just try to manifest Gruden and Coach O to Arkansas.

I want Gruden at Arkansas.

As a package deal.

You don't think SMU guys go to Arkansas?

I think Brett Lashley might feel like he could get a better gig.

But he's an Arkansas guy.

I don't think that matters that much.

I think it does to some.

I think you can look at SMU if you're Rhett Lashley and say, I'm better off here than I would be going to Arkansas.

Because if I go to Arkansas, I'm going to get five.

Can I throw out a name for Iowa Kirk Fernand's

Pat Fitzgerald.

That's certainly on the table now.

He's going to coach again and he's going to be good.

He wants to coach again for sure.

Yeah.

I mean, I think that at some point he will definitely get the opportunity to do so, and it makes sense.

Like, if I'm Iowa and Pat Fitzgerald is interested, I'm certainly answering the fucking phone.

Have we properly called out the bullshit that happened to Pat Fitzgerald?

Yeah, it was bullshit.

Yeah.

It was, yeah.

It's bullshit.

You know,

theory.

Again, you know, disclaimer, not inside info.

My theory is just Northwestern wanted to get the stadium done, and they did not want any of that shit possibly interfering with getting the stadium done.

That's just paranoia that

was stupid.

I'm not saying it was smart.

Okay, should we do ACC?

I mean, if you want to.

Are we worried about Cade Klubnik getting in a car accident?

So are LSU and Clemson engaging in who can come up with the stupidest rumor about their quarterback?

Yeah.

With LSU, it was their torn ACL, and now Clemson said, well, they took the football injury.

We're going to take car accidents.

So

some of us in this room might have bet LSU Moneyline just on the off chance it it was true.

I mean, it might not be a bad bet anyway.

Yeah.

I like the bet to begin with.

There was a message board.

It was two days ago.

My brother is a first responder near the university.

And, well, about 30 minutes ago now, someone T-boned a car at an intersection.

My brother just told me that it's Cade Klubnik inside the car.

Also, Spade spelled his name wrong.

Can you go a little bit more?

I like a little bit more of this.

That got T-bone and he couldn't move his arm and shoulder.

Right, exactly.

When they got there, he didn't text me anything else.

Lucky I saw it in time.

I'm 57-year-olds and don't carry my phone a lot.

He just told me that because I'm a diehard fan and I'm heartbroken and panicking.

Too much info.

Anytime a first responder comes to a car crash and the car's been T-bone, the first thing they check is the arm and shoulder.

Arm and shoulder.

The only injured is arm and shoulder.

Your arm's broken.

How's your shoulder?

That's the thing, though.

If you're going to do that, you have to just limited info.

Hey, my friend's a first responder.

I heard Kay Klebnick was in a car accident.

Just, you know, really banged up.

That's all I got, but just something to be on the lookout for.

And then you move on.

And you'll see that.

You start going into mic-tailed messages.

I'm 57 and I don't carry my phone around.

It's like media.

It's like, all right, this guy's full of shit.

Yeah.

So Clemson, maybe Miami?

I think Carson or Miami are nobody.

I like Miami as the second best team in the ACC.

I like Miami as a playoff team.

I think Carson Beck is way better than Georgia fans want us to believe and that most college football fans want to believe.

I think he's really, really good.

Whatever happened at Georgia, his head was, he's got some shit going.

He had some shit going on or whatever.

I think he's really good.

Now, the receivers, they got to rebuild the whole room in Miami, but I think they're significantly, easily the second most talented team in that conference.

And they get shit on last year, and Chris Ball hadn't made the playoff yet, but they went 10-2.

Their defense was really garbage, and defense lost them a couple games.

They transferred portal the shit out of that defense.

And they got a new coach, too.

Yeah, I mean, it's, I look at Miami, and I do feel, I mean, I look at the ACC in general.

To me, it's a two-team league.

Like, you can argue, you can talk about Louisville and SMU.

I think they're both going to be good.

I don't think either team is really what you would consider like playoff caliber.

I think SMU is coming way back to Earth.

Yeah, I think like 8-4 is far more likely than SMU being in the playoff hunt again.

But then after you get past those teams, I look at that league in general and I'm just like,

that's not a whole lot there that I'm a big fan of.

Pitt's got a chance.

They could be like 8-4 simply because the ACC sucks.

Yeah.

Like the bottom half of the league, and they can just pile up on them.

But I just don't look at Pitt as a team that I think is going to be any good, no matter what the record says.

I think Pitt might be the team that picks off someone to ruin their season.

Oh, like Holstein.

Well, that's a very Nardoozy thing.

Yeah, that's a Narduzi Nardoozi pit thing.

Holstein's a great quarterback.

Based on quarterback play?

Better cow than a quarterback.

Holstein isn't even that good of a cow.

It's a pretty good cow.

It's not that great of a cow.

I mean, it's a solid cow.

It's a solid.

It's your average cow.

You don't like the spots?

It's an average cow.

Depends on the spots.

Like, you know, it could be kind of a Rorschach test.

Yeah, I like a good Holstein cow.

There are better cows, but I think that's a

really good quarterback.

When you ask a child to draw a picture of a cow, what do they draw?

They're going to draw a Holstein.

It's going to be a Holstein cow.

Red cow time.

And they're like the Norman Rockwell of cows.

Yeah.

Okay, so Miami, you think you're leaning Clemson over Miami, though?

I like Miami over Clemson.

I just

tap Brandon's head.

I'm not a big tapper.

I'm not a big Kay Klebnik fan.

I'm just not.

Why not?

Because of the car accident.

Because of the car accident.

He's really fucking good.

He's okay.

36 touchdowns last year, 6 interceptions.

I don't know, you can't.

Playing against the ACC.

I know you can't tell.

Playing against the ACC.

What happened in the Georgia game?

Yeah, and also it's a game.

What happened against South Carolina?

What happened when he played a regular team?

He was way better against Texas.

He was better for a quarter against Technical Knights.

He He was way better against Texas anyway.

After the game was pretty much out of reach, he played great for a quarter.

I will grant you against elite competition, he has a ways to go.

But with the receiver talent around him, with the offensive line talent in front of him, I think he is a terrific quarterback.

And listen, we're not in the strongest quarterback year we've ever been in.

Like, there's a lot of turnover with the top teams.

I think he's in top three quarterbacks in the country.

I think he might be the best quarterback.

I think he's a top three quarterback to start the season simply because nobody knows who the other quarterbacks are yet.

I think that by the time November rolls around, Kay Clubnick's like a top 10-ish top three.

But you don't think quarterbacks take steps from year to year?

Like, this is what it's like.

I think some do.

I think more don't.

I think plenty do.

I think there are far more examples of guys who just kind of flattened out than who actually improved steadily.

I think experience is a big deal.

And in this transfer portal era, we kind of throw development out with the bathwater.

We just assume a guy who.

Do we throw development out or have the guys who've improved gone to the NFL?

I think there's still guys that stay around and develop.

Michael Pickup was in conflict.

I don't think the growth between junior and senior year is very significant.

I think when you've been starting since you were a freshman,

by the time you played 30 games, you can end up just.

I think he's being the best example recently of three average years and then bang.

I think this is a.

That was an offense.

That wasn't Kenny Pickett.

That was Kenny Pickett, though.

That was a Walt Bell offense.

And that's going to be Clemson's offense.

Okay, I just, I don't see it, man.

We've seen it for three years now.

Well, I haven't seen it.

So,

again, be clear.

I don't think Clemson's going to be bad.

I just would rather have Miami if I'm picking one of those teams to win because I think Carson Beck last year, obviously, he was banged up, didn't play great.

Turns out losing Lad McConkey and Brock Bowers mattered.

I don't know if you watch those guys in the NFL, but they were pretty fucking decent.

And I think that he kind of, you know, it just, it didn't look as good.

But I think now he's going to have better talent around him.

I think he's going to have a better offensive line than he had at Clemson.

And the one thing that's really sold me about Miami is defensively.

Like, the defense was horrible last year in the secondary, and they had a defensive coordinator who was insisting his guys play man on every single fucking snap, even though they always showed, we shouldn't be playing man.

We are going to get beat deep every single time.

They ruined a great defensive line that will be one of the best in the country again this year.

They've brought in a new coordinator who understands what zone is and will actually call it sometimes.

And I think that defense is going to be so much better than what we saw last year to where that offense doesn't have to be as good as it was.

I like Miami.

I'm with you.

But I just think

Clemson might have, what, six first-round picks?

This is a loaded team.

They've had a lot of draft picks in recent years, haven't they?

They haven't had this many on one team.

They went 8-4 last year.

Then they won the Big 12, the ACC.

They won the 12th 9-3, but they won the ACC.

So it's like.

They're going to kiss.

We're not.

What?

You guys are talking so much ball.

It's like when you guys start fighting.

I forgot y'all were here, to be honest.

What about week one?

Miami,

Miami.

Neither of Miami is going to beat Notre Dame.

So do I.

We can agree on that.

Experienced quarterback.

I have some breaking news.

That's good.

Holstein cow.

Holstein cow.

Breaking news, and this fits in perfectly because we can go to the Big 12 next.

Colorado announces Ralphie VI, its live Buffalo mascot named Ember, is retiring.

An indifference to running contributed to the decision.

Very relatable.

We all suffer from that.

I'm also retiring.

The school is training Ralphie 7 for her debut, but the team will take the field without its live mascot in the interim.

I don't like that.

Oh, they're fade, Colorado.

Screwed.

I hate that so much.

Yeah, people forget that Ralphie is a female Buffalo.

They don't have a backup, Ralphie.

You lose Shador, Travis Hunter, and Ralphie.

Ralphie, yeah.

If they win three games, Deion should get like coach of the year.

I love a Buffalo indifference to running.

Just didn't want to run.

I think they're breathing.

Fuck this.

I'm a buffalo.

How do you fight?

Like, does the buffalo?

Like, you're like, come on, girl, let's go.

And she just sits here like, oh, look, look at that clip right there.

Ralphie's walking?

Yeah, walking.

That's the last time that Ralphie Six ran, and you can tell that she's a fan.

Shout out to Ralphie's six.

He does not walk.

Running sucks.

That could be intimidating, too.

Yeah.

Running sucks.

I love that at some point, lawyers are involved in this situation.

They're like, hey, we got to replace the old Buffalo.

It's not dangerous enough.

And the lawyers are like, okay, I get it.

It's college football.

That's not even centering.

But I would say she walked onto the field, but as soon as they turned to go off the field, she started running.

She's like, finally, it gets home and gets it.

Maybe she hated it.

Maybe she's got like social anxiety.

Yeah, maybe she just wanted to get the fuck out of there.

I don't think she likes football.

Didn't like running.

Love that.

All right, so Big 12's chaos.

The chaos,

which I love.

I love that the Big 12 has stayed the chaos.

Let me ask you this.

Jalen Daniels, 60 to 1, Heisman, your thoughts.

Jalen Daniels' problem has always been staying healthy, and about four snaps or four plays into the game last week, even though they won, he's like limping off the field with his left arm hanging at his side like it had been dislocated already.

And they're not going to win nine games.

They could.

It's the Big 12.

They could win 11 games.

Who the fuck knows?

They were really good at the end of the last week.

Can I say a basic bitch answer to that question?

Yeah.

Can you picture the Kansas quarterback winning the Heisman Trophy?

Because I can't.

That's a good question.

I just can't do it.

Not with so many teams.

I just can't.

I can't.

I can't picture.

I'll put it this way.

If Arch Manning is in New York, there's a 0% chance that Jalen Daniels wins.

Yeah, well, somebody like an Arch Manning is going to be in New York.

It's 60 to 1, right?

Yeah.

Okay, well, 60.

If you look at it from the aspect of, can you bet it?

And then maybe I could cash it out later.

Like, don't expect him to win.

I'm still not sold.

I just, I just.

Well, you set that up like you were.

Yeah, you really did.

Did you know that his name sounds a lot like Jalen Daniels?

It does sound like Jalen Daniels.

In fact, I thought that's who you were talking about at first.

He did win the Heisman.

Yeah, he did.

Yeah, I blacked out there for him.

We bet on him.

Yeah.

Big 12.

Yeah.

ASU?

I think not.

I think

Sam Levitt, also not a terrible Heisman pick.

No, and I'll tell you another one.

I think Sawyer Robertson's really good at Baylor.

Yep.

But

I got Baylor.

Why didn't you guys hold on to him?

Because Mike Leach died, asshole.

Oh, you're getting he's dead.

God damn.

Brandon didn't answer that email.

He was the last Mike Leach.

No, but

you've got your Michael Jordan signed photo.

You could have had Sawyer Robertson.

I'd rather have the Michael Jordan signed photo.

So I like, you're just throwing darts at a board with the Victoria.

Yes.

Arizona State last year, I think when we look back, we remember Scataboo running crazy and Levitt playing well and then competing and should have beat Texas.

We remember that.

We remember him killing Iowa State.

They also had seven one-score games.

They had a lot of really close games.

They had a lot of tough losses.

Like this team was rolling at the end of the season.

I don't know that they're going to be able to do that for a 12-game schedule and so many close games.

I think they fall down the pack a little bit.

I picked Baylor, but it could be anybody.

One of nine teams, 10 teams?

Yeah, Yeah, I picked, like, in our preseason picks on the website at CBS Sports, I picked Kansas State.

I'm already fucked, it feels like, because they lost last week to either.

They're not out of it.

But they're not out of it because that's how the conference works.

Like, I'm more confident that whoever ends up winning the league will have a 7-2 mark in conference play than I am in who will win it.

Because I do feel like that will be how it ends up.

Because that's what we saw last year.

There were three teams that went 7-2 in the Big 12 and two ended up in the game.

But as for Kansas State, I think has a chance.

Iowa State has a chance.

Baylor has a chance.

Arizona State has

Utah.

Utah,

Devin Dean here won me money last year.

Big fan of his.

And they no longer have to do the will they won't they cam rising.

No, that's over.

Which is was torture.

That took forever.

Took forever.

And you know a team that like nobody's talked about in the Big 12 that I just feel like everybody's looking for this year's Indiana.

This year's Indiana.

You mentioned it.

Kurt Signetti leaves James Madison.

He goes to Indiana.

He takes the entire fucking roster with him.

Rich Rodd left Jacksonville State, went to West Virginia, brought brought the entire fucking roster with him from Jacksonville State, and he's in a league where there really isn't an elite team.

I think the schedule's easy, too.

And the schedule is pretty easy.

So I look at West Virginia, like if that's a future you want to take, instead of taking Jalen Daniels, it did West Virginia to win the Big 12.

What teams can't win the Big 12?

I think Houston

and Houston is really the only two where I would say that they can't win it.

I don't think Cincinnati's got it in them either.

I like Brendan Sourceby.

Yeah, I just,

I don't know.

Like if he takes.

Oklahoma State.

I'm not counting out Mike Gundy.

It would be the most Gundy thing ever, though, for him to just suddenly jump up and win 10 games again.

We said that like two years in a row.

I feel like it's time to maybe count him out.

I'm not.

But that's what he wants me to do.

He does.

That's what he wants me to do.

That's what the fake netties want you to do.

Texas Tech?

Yeah.

They're going to be good.

Yeah, yeah.

With the roster they put together, they should be in the mix.

It's a little believe it when I see it with Texas Tech because Joey Maguire seems like more more fantasy than fact right now.

I did some research this offseason with Texas Tech in mind and I was just trying to look at like transfer portal classes as far as like you know because they get ranked it's a very very inexact science because it's a very short track record and my the results of what I looked at were like when you look at the teams that rank among the top 10 in these transfer classes it's typically the teams that are already great who continue to play well with these transfer classes.

When you look at like the middle class schools that are in the top 10, they tend to improve by a win.

It's never really what you think just because we had a great transfer class.

So I think when you factor in the Big 12 and that anybody can win it, yes, you have to mention Texas Tech.

But when you look at how going that heavy in the portal usually works for most teams of their caliber, it's like 8-4 is probably what you're really looking at.

But 8-4 might be good enough.

Okay.

Notre Dame,

Independent.

Great.

Do we have them winning the Independence this year?

I think they've got what it takes to take down UConn.

Okay.

Yeah, they're going to be in the playoffs.

I think so, yeah.

Yeah.

I don't have them in the playoffs.

Really?

Yeah,

I think...

What's that?

You hate Catholics.

I don't hate Catholics.

I don't hate Notre Dame.

I don't hate anybody.

I'm simply

looking.

I know.

I've got sources that tell me you hate Catholics.

This actually makes me.

Your source says I hate Catholics.

You hate a lot of them.

From the guy who brought you Travis Hunter Can't Win the Heisman, I'm excited about Jeremy.

Do you know where the Pope is from?

Yeah, he's from somewhere in Chicago.

Yeah, I know him.

He told me that you hate Catholics.

You don't know the Pope.

I totally know the Pope.

He used to go to White Sox games.

You don't hang out with with the Pope.

Yes, I do.

Well, not anymore.

Now he's in the fucking data.

This is worse than hating Catholics.

You're lying about the Pope.

I would never lie about the Catholic Pope.

You just said I am Catholic.

You said Pope was slumped over on a...

No,

that stoops.

You were talking about the football coach.

I was talking about the football coach.

Notre Dame.

I think last year was a perfect storm of being a really good team, having a really good coach, and having an identity.

That defensive identity, the elite secondary.

I think it was a really perfect storm of that schedule kind of nursing them back to life.

They lost a Northern Illinois team, and then that schedule just gave them stepping stone after stepping stone after stepping stone.

And I think this one's sneaky mean off the rib.

I think at Miami to open up, everybody's assuming they're going to win.

Well, they're going to be bringing in a new quarterback down there.

Miami defense is way, way better than it was last year.

I think Miami beats them.

Then they've got to come home and play an AM team who's going to be really good.

That at Arkansas trip in the fourth week is really fucking tricky.

I don't think Arkansas is an elite SEC team by any stretch of the imagination, but talent-wise, that's going to be a team that is certainly going to be a step up from Purdue and everything.

They got Boise State on the schedule.

They got at Pitt on the schedule late.

When you think all the hay's in the barn, they got to go to Pitt.

He can say what he wants.

I think Holstein's a good quarterback, the receiver, the running back, they're all really good.

I think that's a tricky spot.

I think Notre Dame could fuck around and be a 9-3 team this year.

In fact, I think they will be a 9-3 team this year.

I don't.

I look at this team compared to last year, and I think that with Riley Leonard gone and now C.J.

Carr taking over as starter, what you you could possibly see is a far more dynamic offense that will actually be capable of throwing the football.

Are they going to let him?

Yes.

They don't seem like the team that's just going to let them go out there and rip.

I think they will.

I think they haven't in the last few years because they haven't had a quarterback they felt comfortable doing.

Well, Sam Hartman could.

Yeah, and they threw him around, but Sam Hartman's arm was not exactly what I would call NFL caliber.

Yeah.

There's a reason he got cut today, but I think C.J.

Carr is an NFL caliber kind of arm.

And I think that they had good receivers the last years that they haven't really been able to utilize.

The defensive line, they got got to replace some guys on, but they also brought in, they've had some young talent on that side.

I think they'll be fine.

I think the secondary will still be fine.

We talked about Jeremiah Love earlier, and I think to your point about the earlier games,

I have Miami winning this week, and I wouldn't be shocked at all if Texas A ⁇ M beats them.

Like, we didn't mention them, but Texas A ⁇ M could be the fifth-best team in the SEC.

Yeah, they could.

But I think that plays to their advantage because if they finish, even if they start 0-2 and they win out, nobody's going to give a shit about those losses from September.

By the time you get to the end of the year, it's going to be putting them in the playoff, and they're Notre Dame.

So if they're 10-2, they're getting in no matter what.

And they're going to have the Heisman.

And they have the Heisman.

They're starting out 0-2.

I think they're in some trouble.

Well, they have to be perfect.

I think they're in some trouble.

And I don't think that schedule is as forgiving as it was last year.

And I said that there was no way they should be in the playoff last year after losing to Northern Illinois.

And then look what happened.

Yeah, they almost did it last time.

Is PFT going to go to the college football playoff?

James Madison?

I put a bet on it earlier.

Number five.

Have you just bet on every team and every playoff?

Listen, when you win a Tommy Fleetwood bet,

you've got some stuff that you can spread around a little bit.

I bet on James Fuel.

If you put that money on James Madison's NIL, all the players wouldn't leave for Indiana.

Well, when I win this bet, then I'll kick it back at the set.

I'm not a Brendan Walker.

Why did I think about that as a retort?

I'm social.

Because I'm smarter than you are.

Agreed.

Yeah.

So with JMU, I think that they've got a good shot.

I really do.

I think Boise State obviously is the frontrunner for it.

But if J-MU can win the Sun Belt, I see no reason why they wouldn't be that 12th team.

I think James Madison can win the Sunbelt.

I think what you have to overcome is how the Sun Belt is viewed in a lot of ways, like with a lot of the metrics that they use to figure out the field.

And I think the other thing working against you is like week zero is week zero.

You never want to take too much from it.

But my one big takeaway from watching the games last week was the Mountain West might be truly horrible.

So like Boise State might absolutely run to a 12-0 record in that conference.

And if Boise State's got a great record like that, I just don't think any G5 or other G6 team is getting in.

What if we beat Louisville?

I think we'll be in the L Rane, by the way.

What if we beat Louisville week two?

I think that would certainly help, but you really need Louisville to be very good.

And again, I'm not a huge, I'm not really high on anybody in the ACC outside those top two teams.

And yes, I guess if Boise State does beat Notre Dame, that would count.

So I'm sorry.

Boise State's only 11-1 with the lost.

Because you did say, after saying that.

And you didn't bring up NIL with him.

No,

I got Sluka.

I got Mr.

NIL.

I dropped that ball, but you made an error, too.

Is Sluka James Madison?

Yeah.

Oh, shit.

Yeah.

That should put to bed all the rest of JMU's notebooks.

You better make sure that check cashes or he'll leave halfway through the the season.

We'll pay him in meth if we have to in Harrisonburg.

That's not a problem.

You wouldn't get any of that out in Vegas.

Nope.

Nope.

No.

All coke.

Can't do it.

Do you guys want to do your picks?

What are we picking?

You did the same thing as last year.

But that didn't matter.

Yeah, it did.

It did.

It won college football exercise.

That was what the metrics.

It didn't win me anything.

Yes, it did.

I won you the chance to come back here.

You got introduced.

I've worked here for six years.

You got introduced as a part of the business.

And it took them that long to get you in here.

And who got you in here?

Me.

What would you like us?

I've literally been down the the hall for five years before I got you in here.

What would you like us to put on the street?

What do you think the winners should get?

I should get.

No, the winner.

I won.

No, this year.

What do you think the winners should get?

What do you think the winners should get?

We're in the competition together.

I think they should get a wrestling champion belt.

Okay.

Tom, by the way, in the spirit of college football, you could just claim last year's title.

Don't bring up wrestling.

I will.

20 years from now.

Don't worry.

Don't bring up wrestling as a sore subject.

Why?

What's wrong with wrestling?

Brendan had a podcast.

You took it away from him?

I didn't.

Who took it away?

Hulk Hogan died, so.

Yeah.

Hulk Hogan.

All right.

So we're going to do the podcast.

That should be the day of the podcast.

All of my podcasts are people that died.

All right.

So we'll finish with Roback question.

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What would you like to put up for it, Brandon?

What do you want to, what do you want, like, what do you want to have?

I like y'all creating a championship belt.

Okay.

And then we have to.

Done.

Now I will parade it around all year.

Yeah, that's fine.

I will put it on my wall behind me so that way every time I'm on my show, you'll see it.

That's perfect.

I've never seen your show.

I know.

That's fine.

Okay.

We actually cater our show to people who know ball.

Ooh.

The Thinky Man's podcast.

Not me.

All right.

So who wants to go?

Brandon, you won.

I would like to go to the next one.

I'd like to go first.

I'd like to have pick second and two thirds.

Second and third.

Okay.

That's fair.

So how we did it last year, each of the guys is going to pick 12 teams to make the college football playoff and win the national championship.

And then what was our scoring?

Was it ⁇ I can't remember.

Last year it was just one for one.

That's what it was last year.

Now, if you don't want to improve it, where nominate scoring teams are going to be a good one.

I think we did do.

I think we did wait it.

It was like three and five for.

Yeah.

But Tom didn't get anybody past the fucking semifinal.

You should get extra points for getting a team that gets a buy.

Oh, okay.

So one point for a buy.

And then one point for a first-round win.

I like that.

One point for a first-round win, two points for a second-round second-round three, and then four for the national champion.

That works for me.

Is that good?

Like it's agreeable?

All right.

Can't wait.

There we go.

All right, so here we go.

You put it on your knee.

That was a good one.

Here are our picks.

This is what we did last year.

Sorry, I just found it.

Okay, so it was one point for make playoff, one point for first-round win, two points for second-round win, three points for semifinal win, four points.

Yeah, see there's a win.

So it should be one point for a buy?

Yeah.

Yeah.

So you don't get a point for making the playoff.

You just get a point for getting a buy.

But looking at the record, it looks like Tom.

But technically, you would get two points for for getting him.

Got it.

You basically get the point.

So I would have won.

You get the first-round win.

Pretty much.

Yeah, Tom had two more playoff teams than Brandon.

Yeah, I know.

But I got fucked by the scoring.

But I agreed to the scoring of it.

So that's the point.

I don't think that was there.

Yeah, he was more accurate than you.

That was an asterisk.

You had five, you had three.

That is an asterisk.

No.

That didn't look right.

That looked exactly right.

Pull it up again.

Tom had five.

Brandon had three.

But I had.

No, yeah.

Brandon had Ohio State, Texas, and Notre Dame make the playoff.

Tom had Georgia, Oregon, Tennessee, Pennsylvania.

My quarterback time.

My quarterback died.

All the time.

We're just skipping Clemson.

Why is Clemson not greened?

Clemson did make the playoff.

Fucking assholes.

See, this is how y'all do it.

But see, my quarterback died, which is why I lost.

Because if we

play, they beat Notre Dame and get to the finals.

I was just looking up a reference of what our scoring was.

I wasn't looking up those.

You can't look up stuff around us.

Shit will go crazy.

My bad, my bad.

My bad.

All right.

You don't get to yell at our producers.

I didn't yell at Max.

Max has plenty of producers.

You were kind of yelling at him.

You have lots of producers around me.

Do you feel like I yelled at you?

I feel all right.

I apologize.

Thank you.

I'll still take the apology.

Max, I thought you were a great captain.

Shut the fuck up.

I was bad.

Okay.

Tom, you have the first pick.

Ohio State.

Ohio State.

What a bitch-made pick.

What a bitch-made pick.

Buckeye Brandon.

Penn State.

Penn State and

Texas.

Okay.

So, Texas, Penn State, Ohio State off the board.

Tom, you now have the next two picks.

Give me Clemson.

Okay.

And Georgia.

Fuck, why did I pick Clemson?

I don't know.

You're the Clemson guy.

I thought you were going to take him.

I'm thinking of who I got my playoff.

I'm thinking of who I got in my fucking playoff.

I'm thinking of who I got in my motherfucking playoff.

I'm thinking about who I got in my motherfucking goddamn playoff.

I feel like if you're, you should know.

You're doing Bernie Mac right now?

I'm thinking about who I got in my.

Bernie Mac voice.

I was hanging out at the bar, you know, chilling, all cool.

Woman's gonna come up to me.

She's gonna say, Brandon.

I said, Yeah, that's my name.

Have you heard this bit yet?

No.

She said, Brandon, does pussy taste like pumpkin pie?

I said, Don't ask me a damn question like that.

I ain't never had no pumpkin pie.

Kick it.

Nice.

All right.

It's like he was in the room.

It's like he's right here.

That's the most racist thing I've ever heard.

No, no, it's not.

Oh, don't ruin his Brandon Mac.

Oh, don't come after Brandon Mac.

All right.

You got Georgia.

Well, now I got to pick teams that I don't believe are going to make it.

Why wouldn't you?

There's only two teams off the board.

Yeah.

I know.

I know.

This is still make-it territory.

Give me Notre Dame.

Okay.

Notre Dame.

But I don't think it's going to make the playoff.

But there's more sure bet than like.

No, no, no.

No, no.

Go back to Brandon.

Go back to Brandon.

And I'm clearly missing somebody in my mind.

LSU.

Yeah, give me LSU.

He's right.

That's who I was.

You picked Cat.

Yep.

Thank you.

If LSU wins at all, I'm the college football expert.

Miami and Alabama.

Miami and Alabama.

Good.

No, no, no, no, no.

See how ready Tom is for this?

Yeah.

Do you need me to tell you the teams that are still left?

Oregon.

Yeah, Boise State.

Oh.

That's a good pick.

That's a very solid value.

Yeah, thank you.

I don't need your approval.

And you notice we're both like terrified of going to the Big 12.

It's just a guess.

It's just a pure ass.

What's he doing?

That's not what he's saying at all.

If they win it all, I'm the expert.

This is, goddamn.

See, we're raiding the Big Ten and the SEC because those are far and away.

But it's also, I feel like game theory-wise, you want to just take some shots on other teams in those conferences.

Max, it's not proficient at Excel.

No.

I'm going to do it.

Give me Michigan.

Ooh.

Chris Underwood.

Okay.

Just forfeit your pick, then.

Yeah, I know.

Teams with five-star quarterbacks.

And shit.

All right, I'm going to do it.

I'm going to break the bubble.

Give me Utah.

I like it.

I like it.

Okay, since he did it, I'll also do it.

And give me.

Give me Baylor.

Okay.

It's kind of Tom's pick, too, because he broke the bubble for you.

Yeah.

Well, I broke the

I am the reason he's here.

Notre Dame is also Tom's pick.

Not true at all.

You have two picks that you've made on your own.

None of this is true.

No, that's not Tom Spick.

And PFTUs live in Austin, so Texas is PFTU's.

Baylor.

Baylor.

Fuck.

I know.

We're getting to the.

Yeah, it's getting nasty out there.

Give me a motherfucking.

Give me Missouri.

Fuck it.

I like them to go 10-2.

Okay.

I had them last year, I think, in this.

We can stop it after.

Oh, no, we're close.

Yeah, we're like 24 now.

Yeah, well, we've each got what, how many more picks?

You've got four.

Four.

Four.

Give me

AM.

Which one?

Texas.

Okay.

The one in College Station.

I already have Texas.

Okay.

And then give me.

Nebraska's still out there.

You need me to write down some teams for you?

Yeah, yeah.

Do you not know Arizona State?

You don't know the teams, do you?

I'm just trying to figure out all the SEC teams that don't have a shot.

So far, I've only got Mississippi State.

Well, obviously, Kentucky doesn't have a shot.

No, I mean, I feel like Kentucky's got a shot.

They've won 10.

Kentucky, Laura.

No, no, no.

Maybe in the later rounds.

This is a later round, Tom.

This is the mid to late rounds.

It's round 10.

South Carolina.

No, no, no.

I don't want South Carolina.

Fuck that.

Give me, you know what?

Fuck Brandon.

This way, so he's right.

Fucks him.

Give me Nebraska.

I'll kick you in the.

Okay.

Give me Arizona State

and give me.

Fuck.

Illinois.

That's fine.

I win either way.

That's Tom's pick, too.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, since I have a degree from there, I feel like I should get half those points.

Yep, yep.

Those are, that's in the Bible.

How come all of Tom's, my picks are somebody else's?

Yeah.

All right.

Great question.

So I've got two left here.

Give me Kansas State because I'm not totally off of them.

I thought they actually played well even though they lost there.

They certainly didn't play well.

I think they played better than Iowa State.

Well, they didn't, or they wouldn't.

Well, no, you could play better and lose.

They were down 10.

Especially in the Big 12.

Go watch the tape, buddy.

I watched the all-20.

I did.

It was not impressive.

Name four players on the team.

Let's see.

Avery Johnson, Avery Johnson's dad, and Avery Johnson's brother.

I mean, those guys are fighting for their team.

Yeah, that's my brother.

That's the kind of team unity I want.

Dylan Edwards and then the receiver.

So let's see.

You took Illinois off the board.

Give me.

Hmm.

Give me Tulane.

Oh, yeah.

You needed to take a G5.

That would have been an asshole move if you did.

Yeah, it just felt like it's.

Yeah.

Give me to round it out,

to finish it off, to cap it to USC, to make it whole.

Give me the Washington Huskies.

You like that?

I do.

My only concern about Washington, who we didn't talk about much, is just I met DeMond Williams in person.

Not the largest human being you're going to run into.

They don't make big quarterbacks.

He's a running quarterback, though.

Got to have some meat in the bones.

Yeah.

Got to have some density, some heft.

That's two.

Yeah.

Okay.

Good job, boys.

Thank you.

I think

we have 11 picks each.

That's 12, right?

Well, no, I fucked that up.

I fucked that up.

First tackle is Tom and Brandon.

Oh, so we need one more?

So it's my fault.

That's true.

No, you know what?

It's Max's fault.

It's Max's fault, not ours.

Yeah, no, it's definitely not ours.

I take one more.

Jalen Hurts isn't even a top 10 NFL QB.

You know what?

I'm taking away all the credit season.

It would be my pick.

I know, it's tough.

There's not a lot of people.

Pickle Miss.

Fuck you.

Why not?

Louisville.

Ooh.

I don't hate it.

Take James Madison.

No, it's not.

I feel like they're racist against the Sunbelt.

You think James Madison's racist?

I think

that's what the whole institution is.

He lived in the 1700s.

Yeah, like the school or the man.

Harrisonburg feels like a racist place.

I would agree with that.

When you drive through it.

Yeah, there's some truth to that.

A lot of golden corrals.

That's always a sign.

Always a sign.

They got the old cracker barrels.

We're not giving up our old logo.

They're holding on to the logo.

From my dead hands.

Let's see.

You can't name 24 teams.

I'm just trying to figure out what other big 12 teams.

Give me Texas Tech.

Fuck it.

They straight.

So no old miss on there.

We didn't miss like a top five team, did we?

If we did, we'll find out.

No, I don't think you guys did.

I think you're good.

I'm looking at the odds right now.

All right, boys.

Thank you.

It's always great.

Always fun.

To get the invite to walk down the hall three doors to be on a show for the third time ever.

That's not true.

Fourth time ever.

That's not true.

Seventh time ever?

I don't know.

You did three different.

How many times have I been on?

A lot.

A lot.

You've been on.

A lot of shit time.

I'm just trying to remember.

My burners used to fucking kill you.

Your burner hit.

Hank's on every show, so Tom's got representation.

Is Hank here, by the way?

I've never seen Hank.

Brennan, you've been on a bunch of the Takey Awards.

Yeah.

I was awarding things to Ben Mintz.

Yeah, no, but this year we illegally taped you and ran it.

How did that?

Hold on, so what you're saying is like the only time you're on the show is when you're connected to somebody else.

Correct.

Tom Fernelli, 11 times.

I don't stand on my own.

How many times am I for real?

Like one?

Two?

Five.

Five.

I'm at five?

Yeah, that's pretty good.

Dingers only has helped.

Yeah,

that's true.

Which, by the way, I'm a lead at.

Yeah, you are good at it.

Who's?

One of you guys that drafted the utility second baseman of the diamondbacks who was only up because the guy was injured uh that was Stephen Shea the fantasy expert yeah he did it because his name was funny

so uh all right boys you're the best thank you both oh one of us is

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Okay, we now welcome on a very, very, very special guest.

He is our star player for the Philadelphia Water Dogs, 1-1 overall from Cornell, national champion.

What's the Heisman called again?

Towartan.

There it is.

He won that.

It's CJ Kirst.

CJ, thank you for joining us.

We figured maybe it's a good time to have you come in, get you pumped for the semifinals coming up.

I don't know if you know this, but we've won a championship as owners of the Water Dogs.

We'd like to add to our ring collection, even though we lost the first ring that we were given.

We are like Jerry Jones.

Yeah.

And you are like Micah Parsons.

Yeah.

So let's get a deal done.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Who signs your checks at the end of the day?

Does it say Paul Rabel on the checks?

No, I don't think so.

Okay.

How much more money do you want?

Because we'll get it for you.

Can you?

Yes.

Whatever you want.

Wow, I would love an NFL deal if it's possible.

Yeah, done.

So, how's the season going?

I mean, you obviously, like, we were very excited when we got the first overall pick.

Watched you at Cornell.

Incredible season.

Most goals ever.

Is that correct?

Yes.

Most goals ever is pretty sick.

Pretty cool.

But how's this season going?

Has there been a transition from college to the pros?

Yeah, definitely.

I mean, I broke my hand towards the end of the college season, so I had to take a couple weeks off once I finished up on playing in the championship and then been playing for the last five five games.

So it was 0 for 4 to start at the end of the regular season.

So wasn't really contributing, I guess, too much for the team.

But then we got it thrown in the playoffs.

So we're still dancing.

Is there a difference between college speed and PLL speed?

Yeah, 100%.

There's a new shot clock.

So after a face-off, you got 30 seconds to go, take a shot, and then

I guess a regular shot clock resets 52.

And then in college, it's 80.

So

much faster.

Yeah.

Do you think it's bullshit that you are so good at lacrosse and then you also can can be like, I went to an Ivy League school?

Yeah, I think, I mean,

I guess in lacrosse, it's not the worst look in the world where people are like, oh, you went to an Ivy League school.

But I guess compared to in the outside world, the other sports people always

give you some crap.

Yeah, you got it all.

You literally have it all.

Did they have like special lacrosse courses at Cornell, or did you take like the full student load?

Full student load.

Yeah, yeah.

So it was tough.

Was that hard?

Yeah, I would say so.

I mean, just like any other school, though, you figure out the easy classes.

So I

can't complain about the five years I took to graduate there.

Yeah.

You guys have been, you've been on a little tear right now.

Nobody wants to see the Water Dogs win.

We are the underdogs right now, and we're playing Cinderella.

So tell me about the matchup that we have coming up this weekend.

Yeah, so we're playing the New York team, and actually, my roommates on the team, and a couple other Cornell guys that I've had the opportunity to play with.

So, you know, a lot of we've been talking a lot about this matchup, but we had a tough loss to them a couple weeks ago by one, 2019.

It was probably the coolest PLL game I've been a part of.

So fired up to play them again.

And Philly, too.

So home crowd, hopefully,

hopefully a lot of purple there.

Yeah.

I hate them so much.

Yeah.

I hate New York.

It's like I always have, I've got two favorite teams, the Water Dogs and whoever's played New York.

Yeah.

Or no, whoever plays the Whipsnakes, too.

Well, yeah, fuck the Whipsnakes.

Yeah, fuck the Whipsnakes.

All right, so your brother, you have three brothers also in the PLL?

Yeah, three.

Okay.

So this is like a saving private Ryan situation where if like one of you goes down with an injury, then another one goes down, we got to save C.J.

Kirsters is like, that's, that's pretty crazy.

Four brothers in the, in the, uh, PLL.

Are you the best by far?

I wouldn't really say that.

No, you can say that.

I mean, you had the best college career.

Uh, yeah, I guess so.

I mean, you scored the most goals in college lacrosse history.

I, I'm going to say that you had the best college career.

I appreciate that.

Yeah.

So, but is it like, are you still trying to catch your older brothers, even though you've been very accomplished yourself?

Uh, I mean, yeah, now playing in pros, I mean, it's totally different.

So, like, they're pretty accomplished themselves.

They've been a part of world teams, so try to follow their footsteps and hopefully in a couple of years have a, I guess, better resume in that regard.

Yeah.

Where were they drafted?

So, two of them play for the Boston Cannons, and then one plays for the California Redwoods.

Okay.

Were they also taken, like, really high up?

No.

Oh, but you were.

So I got them on that.

Yeah, 1-1.

Yeah, so you are, yeah, you're like the Rob Gronkowski of the Gronkowski Brothers.

Oh, wow.

I mean, means a lot.

Yeah, yeah.

Have you been in a fight this year?

No, I haven't.

I feel like that is a level that I could definitely jump on my brothers because

they play indoor lacrosse as well, which is huge than fighting, I guess, compared to some of the other styles of lacrosse.

So

once I get to that fighting level, I think then I have an upper edge on them.

When was your last fight?

Last fight.

Wow.

I don't think I've ever

legit fight.

You got guys that handle your business for you.

Of course.

Yeah, that's the name of the game.

That's just sports.

Are you soft?

No, I wouldn't.

Come on now.

Listen, we're the owners.

We got to ask the hard question.

I like that response.

Yeah, that was a good game.

That was a good job.

And obviously, you're not soft.

You literally played with a broken hand and scored the most goals and won the national championship.

But that was a good answer.

Yeah.

You got a little offended by that.

I like that.

Yeah, yeah.

Are you soft?

Answer the question.

No.

Okay, good.

So why aren't you fighting?

Because I don't want to be suspended for, I mean, come on, I want to be playing for

other good answer.

That's a very good answer.

If you you were to say we had an enforcer on the Water Dogs, who would you say?

Enforcer.

Yeah.

Wow.

I would say a guy who's been living in the penalty box, Jimmy Freehill, another rookie.

He's trying to make a name for himself by,

you know.

sitting in the sin bin.

So it's been impressive to see.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I like that.

Every team, if you have a Michael Jordan, you have to have like a Dennis Rodman.

Exactly.

He's ready to throw down at all times.

Yeah.

I like where we're at right now.

I really do because I feel like the rest of the league underestimated us after the regular season.

What changed?

What changed?

I would say

within the older guys, I don't know if you guys are familiar with the veterans that we have on our team.

For sure, we own the championship.

Where are the rings, though?

Where are we?

Panchasm.

Panchasm.

Well, we moved offices when we got the ring, and then we have them somewhere, I'm sure.

Yeah.

But yeah, we are, come on, man.

We're owners.

We know this whole,

we basically picked the roster ourselves.

Honestly, like, the rings are a flex for us, but we don't don't need to show them off all the time.

Like, you guys went out there, like, the team earned it.

Yeah.

So I don't need to act like I was a part of the team, even though I did put the team together and galvanize the team and give them words of inspiration and really will them to victory.

I don't need to act like I'm part of the team.

So, like, the rings, I want to see you guys wearing the rings.

Yeah, you're good.

But the most important ring for me is the next one.

Yeah.

But you, well said.

You were talking about our veterans.

Like, you're talking about Mike Schlosser,

Connor Kelly.

Yep.

C.K.

Zach Curry.

Yeah, like, are you talking about these guys?

Kieran McCartle as well.

Dylan Ward.

Those are our guys.

Those guys stepped up big.

So that's where the difference is coming now?

That's where the difference is coming.

Yeah.

I mean, they're taking control of the locker room.

And so it's been a huge difference from the past couple of games to now being in the playoffs.

So you guys are playing the semifinals on Monday.

Our game is at 11 a.m.

Central, noon Eastern.

Like, you played the, have we played the Atlas?

How have we done against the Atlas this year?

Yeah, so we're 0-2, so it's

hard to beat the team three times.

Exactly, yeah, yeah.

So we got that going for us.

But yeah, no, I said it a little bit earlier, but we lost them 20 to 19 a couple weeks ago in Boston.

So I feel like we know them well and fired up to play on Monday against them.

Yeah, I'm definitely fired up to watch.

How fast can you shoot a lacrosse ball?

Wow.

I would like to say close to triple digits.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

Do you have a favorite goal you've ever scored?

Favorite goal I've ever scored

in the pros?

Yeah, or overall.

It can be overall.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I would say so.

I want to say like my freshman year against Yale.

It was like off

a clear.

Got the ball on the ground ball and ran a couple, ran like 50 yards and then put it in the back of the net on one-on-one.

So, yeah, I would say that that would be my favorite goal.

I like that.

What about the longest goal you've ever scored?

Longest goal I've ever scored?

I want to say I've scored like a couple empty netters from like 20 yards away, but nothing too special.

Two deep?

Yeah.

Yeah.

No two bombs yet, so I'm trying to hunt for that.

That's coming this weekend.

Yeah, exactly.

They don't think that you can shoot from distance.

Yup.

Yeah, it's on the scout.

So we'll see.

What's the vibe in the locker room about the owners?

Are they like, hey, fuck these guys?

Or are they like, hey, we love our owners?

Thank God they're so hands-off.

that we never see them.

What's the vibe?

I would say the last part.

Thank God they're just kind of pushing it towards us, letting us run with it.

And then they have conversations like this to make sure they're still in the loop at the right moment.

Yeah, well, I mean, we're players first.

We always have been players first.

We take the

perception here that, like, you guys are professionals.

You know what to do.

We're just going to step back and you guys are going to do your thing.

And we're going to just do our thing.

And we're going to win.

Then we'll claim credit for it after.

Yeah, right.

Yeah.

Then we'll be like, yeah, our team won.

But yeah, it's really up to you guys.

Like, you guys are controlling your entire destiny right now.

We don't want to interfere with anything.

We're not, you know, the best lacrosse minds in the world, but we will talk shit.

So, is there anybody out there, whether it be a player or an organization or another owner, that you would like to make our enemies?

We'll get in their shirt, like, big time.

Yeah, no, I appreciate that.

And, um, you know, I think it's much needed at this time of the year.

So, uh, but I, I, I don't have anyone specific that comes to mind.

Okay, what about this?

So, we're owners of the Water Dogs.

We're about to play the semifinals.

We guarantee victory.

We're going to kick the shit out of the Atlas.

Hell yeah.

Okay.

I like that.

Print it.

Put it on the paper.

Fuck the Atlas.

Fuck the Atlas.

All my homies hate the Atlas.

Let's go.

We just wrote a check that hopefully you can cash for us.

Yeah, I mean, we got to get it done, though.

Yeah.

Are you thinking about the Olympics at all?

Yeah, I would say that's kind of the biggest goal and

biggest dream and being a lacrosse player and hopefully have that opportunity to be pretty special.

How does that process work?

How are they doing like tryouts, Team USA?

How does that all go down?

Yeah, so it kind of started last summer.

Just kind of, it's a new form called Sixes.

So they tried, you know, getting a group of guys together and figuring out what's the best way to play, play the game.

So then this summer is kind of like the first real round of tryouts.

So invite another group of guys down to Sparks, Maryland, where the USA lacrosse headquarters is, and then figure it out from there.

So I guess the process starts in,

you know, a couple of weeks.

So there's a chance.

It's an outside chance.

We have a guy here who actually works down in Florida now, but he is the goalie, i think backup goalie for the czechoslovakian team wow i have privately funded the czechoslovakian team in certain ways uh and if they qualify for the olympics i will walk with them into the stadium in la

is that stolen valor you're you'll be there i will be an olympian i will get the tattoo i will be an olympian is that stolen valor i don't think we're it's gonna be a long road because i think there's only what eight teams six teams i don't know the total teams actually it's small they they kind of screwed us on that but would you think, like, if we're walking down the street and we both are like, hey, we're Olympians in lacrosse, would you be like, no, this guy is bullshit.

He just paid a little money for the Czech team and I played.

Would you be upset at me?

No, I would tip my cap.

Yeah.

I would say any way you get there.

Yeah.

I'd say respect.

You're doing your part.

I would say it's not stolen color.

It's treason.

If you're funding a foreign country,

the Olympics.

They're not going to beat the.

I'm going to roof with the U.S.

You're going to walk out.

I'm still going to roof with you.

Czechoslovakian flag on your

going to

say that you're an Olympian?

Yeah.

I don't know about that.

I don't know about funding the Czechs.

I'd like to fund USA Lacrosse.

Wow.

How much, five,

$10?

What do I have to do to be able to tattoo the rings on my arms?

I think a little bit more than that.

Yeah, we can talk about that.

Do you have like a thing that you would do if we won the PLL this year?

Like,

would you shave your head?

How bad do you want it?

I would shave my head.

I would get a tattoo, maybe.

Okay, I might get a tattoo tattoo if we win.

Would you?

Yeah.

There's a couple guys who have it from the 2022 season.

It's a pretty cool one.

Do you guys have anything on the table?

We didn't get.

Oh, you guys didn't get the

ring.

Just the ring.

Just the ring, which we took great care of.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'd maybe get a water dog tat.

It's an awesome logo.

It's a great tat, right?

Do we know what kind of dog that is?

I think it's a great Dane.

I think it's a great thing.

Great Dane.

Yeah, we'll go with Great Dane.

It looks like a Great Dane.

If you guys do win, when you win, sorry.

Got to talk like an owner here.

Beer's on us.

Full tab, whatever we want to do.

So just maybe send that back to the boys and be like, hey, listen, beer's on the guys.

Wow, we appreciate it.

And we'll give you every single member of the team a free subscription to pardon my take.

Wow.

Yeah.

Pretty bad pick, yeah.

And Tussie.

And Tucsie.

If you want Tucsie.

You probably can't accept the Tussie.

I'll do the Tussie for you.

All right.

I'll celebrate for you guys.

Steve gets all the free Tusie.

I bought you a bunch of Tusi.

Unfortunately, it's against the law for me to give it to you.

I guess I just have to do all the Tussie.

Okay.

Okay.

All right.

So we're going up against the Atlas.

Who's on the other side of the bracket?

It is the Outlaws and the Redwoods.

Yeah.

Okay.

You knew that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Who would you rather face?

My brother's on the Redwoods.

Oh,

I like that.

That would be pretty cool.

That'd be good.

That'd be like the Harbaugh Super Bowl.

Exactly.

You guys would tune in for that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, no doubt.

What was it like?

So it's five of you total, right?

Your youngest brother is playing where?

Rutgers.

Okay.

Sophomore.

Is he going to get drafted, you think?

Is he good enough?

Hopefully.

He's got to earn it.

So what was it like growing up with four other brothers and you guys are playing?

When you were like four years old, you're like, I'm going to be awesome at La Crosse because all my brothers are awesome and we're just doing this together?

Yeah, it wasn't even just lacrosse at the start.

I feel like we played everything and played basketball, football.

I mean, loved playing baseball as well.

So it was great just having so much going on all the time.

And I feel like we all enjoyed it, which is the best part.

So going to sit at a field for a whole weekend, just watching your brothers play, and then you get to do it the following weekend.

It was pretty special.

And then as we got older, everyone was taking it a lot more serious.

So, yeah, it was unreal.

What's your second best sport?

I would say basketball.

See, all right, can I give you a little just tip here, media training?

Yeah.

You got to say lacrosse.

Because then it's like, whoa, shit.

He's better at something else.

Even better.

Yeah.

A little illusion.

Like, yeah, lacrosse is actually my second best sport.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's a good point.

Yeah.

Just say, hey, listen, we do media training for all of our players.

You can see this.

You're a rookie.

Did you get rookie hazed at all?

I mean, a little bit.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Good.

Yeah.

We are pro-hazing on our team.

Well, that's good.

Yeah.

You guys were in a part of talking to the veterans?

No, we just say we're pro-hazing and just go with whatever you want.

We look the other way.

Yeah.

I mean, yeah.

I think that a small amount of hazing can be good for camaraderie.

You just got to watch out that, you know what it is?

At the pro level, I feel like you don't ever have the guy that takes it it too far because usually the guy that would take it too far would be the guy that sucked on the team.

And so he was like, okay, I'm going to nominate myself as being in charge of hazing because that's all I'm going to do.

But you don't have that when you're all really good.

So with you and your brothers, where did you all go to school?

What's the breakdown for colleges?

Yeah.

So COVID kind of

mixed it all up.

So my oldest brother Connor went to Villanova and then fifth year at Rutgers.

And then my brother Colin went to Lehigh and then went to Rutgers with Connor.

And then Cole went to Lehigh, played with Colin, then went to Cuse

for his fifth year.

And then I went to Cornell and Caden's at Ruckers.

Okay.

What is historically the best college for La Crosse?

Johns Hopkins?

Johns Hopkins, very good.

Syracuse, Maryland.

Yeah, so I would say those schools are up there.

Cornell's not bad, though.

No, Cornell is not good.

Cornell's pretty good.

Cornell's great.

How often do you guys quote Andy Bernard to each other?

It's funny.

People, when they're asking around the office, we're like, oh, where'd he go?

I was like, Cornell.

They're like, oh, there it is.

Yeah, Yeah, he kind of ruined the whole Cornell thing, right?

Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't say ruined it, but definitely that's the first thing people think of now, which is, which is all right.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I can't complain.

Why do you run around with giant spoons?

And what does that question mean?

Giant spoons.

Are you referring to lacrosse sticks?

I think so.

Yeah.

Is that what do you guys call it spoons?

I would say that was a little joke when I was younger.

Okay.

Calling it spoons.

Okay.

Yeah.

Do you have a bigger net than most guys?

No.

Okay.

I don't know where that question was going.

I thought I'd take take a shot.

What about the sticks?

Do you guys have like different, are they all the same, like

uniform or are they different like baseball bats where one guy's like, I like a bigger stick?

No, they're much different.

Yeah.

I mean, like, people put softballs in their stick to make it wider.

I use Nike.

I'm a big Nike guy.

But there's so many different companies with so many different styles that you can change it up.

So it's kind of like a hockey stick.

There's different curves on it and people like different things.

And great players use weirder things.

So it's impressive to see yeah how much does it hurt to get hit by the ball oh a lot yeah

i bet yeah

it really wasn't a good question yeah you just shoot it like at the goalie just to hurt him be like i don't care if i i just want to i want to hurt the guy there's a couple of my buddies who are canadian love doing that so that's yeah

yeah it's very funny that it's a great strategy yeah no you hit them they're they're hurting for the rest of the game and it's smart especially when you hit it hit him in the dome it's like wow they're they're out for it now you just dome them up real quick then the next time you shoot he's like getting out of the way he's like i don't want to get hit again exactly our big thing is we just need to shoot more because i always and this might be stupid you can tell me if this is dumb but i feel like you it's really hard to save a like a 90 mile an hour shot yeah just shoot more uh-huh no i'm with you i totally agree does a coach ever say that to you guys yeah i would say uh shot location is probably the more uh i guess coaching point there but uh trust me i'm I'm a huge shooter as much as you can.

Yeah.

We want to take the analytics out of the game with the whole like shot location, what's a quality shot.

We just want to go just,

yeah, we're a big quantity over quality guy.

Yeah, what would be your number in a game?

I want it, I want more

shots.

100 shots.

Yeah.

Twice, how many, how much do you usually shoot?

Me personally.

Well, your team.

Team?

I would say around,

what,

40, maybe?

Yeah, it's double.

So 100 seems

double it.

Minimum double it.

Yeah.

40 might be a lot, too, but yeah, okay.

Double it.

40 shots.

80 shots, 80 goals.

Yeah.

That's the team motto right now.

Yeah.

All right.

Do you have do you have like a celebration that you're known for?

No, I wouldn't really say,

I mean, kind of just get fired up.

He's just screaming a little bit.

What is he going to do?

He just scores so many goals.

You get exhausted with all the celebrations that you do.

Yeah, that's smart.

Conserve your energy.

Exactly.

I don't know.

I mean, if you have any ideas, I'd love to hear them.

Yeah.

Maybe, I always like it when they pretend to drink out of the football, when they crack it open.

Yeah.

So maybe you could have a football with you that you could pretend to drink out of.

Yeah, I mean, I don't have a football out there on the field, but I was thinking about football.

Maybe like taking the cross stick as a sword.

Yeah, that's common.

Like, you know,

stabbing the goalie in the face or something.

I don't know.

I like it when Mississippi players crawl on all fours and then they lift up a leg and pretend to pee.

That's a good one, too.

Yeah, pretend to pee on the net.

This is my net now.

Yeah.

Bow and arrow, the goalie.

Yeah,

bow and arrow is common.

Do they have like gun restrictions

in the NBA?

Yeah, you might get fined for that.

Yeah.

We'll pay.

You got to talk to Rabel about it.

You'll pay for that one.

Yeah, what if you guys started picking up our fine?

How much is a fine for using your lacrosse stick as a gun and shooting it i mean i haven't done it so i don't know the number there what is the average fine because i'm actually interested in this we could become like the the al davis raiders yeah just pay all the fines i haven't been fined but i would say a couple hundred bucks oh yeah i'll start picking up i'll pick up your fines

in the semifinals and the finals if you get fined That's coming out of our pockets.

Don't worry about that.

I want you guys playing loose, not worrying about the man upstairs looking down, trying to nitpick your celebrations.

You guys do what you do and let me and Big Cat take care of the tab.

Yeah, let's get some clips going.

Like, let's get some viral clips going of you guys being just cocky assholes if we're winning this game.

All right.

I feel like we will give up an edge now.

Yes.

This is what we needed.

Yes.

Yes.

I have a real question about your championship run with Cornell.

Awesome season.

Obviously, like I said, you, you know, most goals in college lacrosse history and you first championship since 1977.

What was it like going into that game?

Did you feel some extra pressure?

Like, hey, I've had an unreal career.

I've done all this stuff, but if I don't win this, it's going to be a little different.

You know, the story will be different about me for better or worse.

Yeah.

No,

I would say going into that weekend, we were there my freshman year in 2022.

So we were like as a senior class, we're like, all right, this is, this is great.

Like we're here.

This is exactly what we wanted to be.

And,

you know, in the semifinals, we beat Penn State.

It was the only loss we had that year.

So then we were like, when we beat them, we're like,

I think we got the momentum that we need.

Everyone had a chip on their shoulder going into Maryland who beat us in 2022 for the championship.

So I would say

we had a different

feeling, different confidence going into that game.

And Coach Busick gave a pretty good speech beforehand about that, referencing that.

And

yeah,

once first whistle blew, I went off sides, which kind of sucked.

And then we were manned down first 10 seconds into the game.

And then once we got through that, I feel like we were all

knew that we were going to get it done.

And you played this game with a broken hand.

How long were you?

Did you have your broken hand in the season?

I did it

like after the third game.

Holy shit.

Yeah.

And did it hurt every time?

Like, were you able...

What is that like?

A broken hand?

Yeah.

Just stop playing.

I mean, I don't know if, like, it's pretty common in football, but guys play through injury.

They get some help in that regard.

So,

yeah, I would say our trainers did a great job getting me ready for game day with some extra help.

You got two hands, anyways.

Yeah, exactly.

That's why God gave you the second one.

Yeah.

Yeah, you'll be okay.

What about the color of Gatorade you guys like to drink on the sidelines?

What color is that?

I don't know if there is a certain color that was every time, but I would say we did a mixture every week.

It was called Bug Juice.

Okay.

Yeah.

I like it.

It would end up being like green

before games.

What's in bug juice?

It's just a mixture of all the Gatorade powder in like a huge five-gallon bucket, and our trainers just mix it up.

That's sick.

It's like every flavor.

It's like sugar.

So, yeah, it was great.

That's awesome.

That's like going to a restaurant when you're a kid and getting every single one.

Yeah, 7-Eleven, then all the slushies together.

Mixing all the powders into one and drinking bug juice.

Yeah, I like that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

All right.

CJ, this has been awesome.

I have one last question.

Roback question.

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I'm actually going to give my last question to Zach.

Zach, do you have a question for CJ?

Zach's in the booth.

Oh, memes, too.

Memes played lacrosse, Division I lacrosse.

I did not.

What did you play?

I did not play Division I I Lacrosse.

Put on those headphones

on.

Sorry, Division II.

Division two.

Slash three.

Slash three.

Go for it.

All-American, though.

All-American Division III Lacrosse player.

There you go.

Yeah.

How are you doing today, man?

A quick question for you.

I'm just curious.

Have you ever given any thought to later on in your career possibly getting into ownership, getting into team management, and scooping up a team in the PLL?

Yeah, I mean, you look at the ownership now in the PLL, it seems like a pretty sweet role to have.

So I feel like I would love to follow in their footsteps and maybe get involved and stay in the game.

I feel like pretty unreal.

That's a good question.

You got a question about video games?

After a game, tough loss or a great win, you guys heading back to the hotel or to the apartment?

You guys ripping any games?

Video games.

Yeah.

If you're into that, yeah.

Yeah, I mean,

I don't think guys have been bringing their consoles on the away trips to hotels, but in college,

yeah, it was more NHL at night before going out.

Just a thought could be a little bit of a momentum shift, some good bonding.

Four or five guys

hop into a party afterwards, hop on the game.

Yeah, I feel like that would be huge, especially with

being in the same hotel.

I feel like that would be good team camaraderie.

Just something to think about.

And it's safe fun.

Keeps you inside.

You know what I mean?

Exactly.

All day up late doing that,

which sounds fun.

Yeah.

Us owners don't have to worry about what they're getting into if they're all just having some safe fun on a video game.

Good point, Zach.

Memes, you got a question?

Who's on your Mount Rushmore of Cornell lacrosse players?

Oh, good question.

Wow, that's a great question.

Great question.

So I would put Amon McEnaney.

So I'm going way back to the 70s.

So I would put Amon McEnaney,

attackman, won the national championship with my second guy, Mike French,

Canadian.

Then I would put

Rob Pinnell up there, Whipsnake.

Boom.

Yeah, yeah, but

he was Unreal Player.

and then I would also put Max Siebold.

So Rob Pinnell and Max Siebold also won the Torton as well.

So

that's my four.

What about yourself?

I mean.

No, we got to have some confidence here.

You're on the Mount Rushboard.

Get yourself on there.

Yeah.

All right, so who's off?

Who's off?

Yeah.

The Whip Snake.

The Whip Snake?

Yeah.

I guess so.

All right.

Who's that?

Paul?

Rob.

Rob.

Rob.

She Rob.

Sorry, Rob.

Rob.

Brutal.

Do you think could could lacrosse players from the 1970s compete with the modern day?

I mean,

the game, the technology of the sticks, night and day now, but I would say

they were a different breed.

So, yeah, I would say athletically for sure.

Yeah.

What was the difference of the game back then?

I mean, it was no shot clock.

The sticks were barely made out of plastic at that point.

So, I don't know.

I mean, it's just like every...

I just like hockey, like I said earlier, the sticks are just a completely different game.

Change the sport.

Yeah, I feel like any sport like that back in the day, probably some really tough guys because you just get hit in the face, spitting out teeth, spitting blood, and you're like, I don't care.

I'm a lacrosse player, I'm going to keep playing.

Yeah, exactly.

Not to say you guys aren't tough right now, but it's like that whole mentality of playing back when there was not any attention at all on lacrosse and doing it just for the love of it.

Like, that's a different breed of guy.

Yeah, they were all in frats at that time, too, at Cornell.

So I even tipped my cap a little bit more to those guys and those alums.

Yep, yep.

All right, CJ, best of luck.

Monday, noon Eastern, Water Dogs, Atlas, semifinals.

We are covering all fines that are incurred in that game.

Let's go win another chip.

And then beer's on us.

The tab is on us if we can win a championship.

Let's do it.

Let's do it.

Thanks for having me.

All right.

Thanks so much, man.

Yep.

CJ Curse was brought to you by Mountain Dew.

Mountain Dew.

That was a dude.

That was a Chris.

Hank, pop me.

Oh.

Yeah, pop off for the boys, Hank.

Hell yes.

Love Mountain Dew.

Nothing says summer like daytime baseball games.

Nothing says summer like going to camp.

And nothing goes better with hanging out outside and hanging with your friends than the refreshing citrus kick of Mountain Dew.

I've got the Mountain Dew diesel right here.

OG flavor.

Beautiful can.

Look at this retro can with the retro sunburst.

It's got the mountains right there.

I want to go climb a mountain.

I want to drink a Mountain Dew on top of it.

I want to hang out with the Mountain Dewed.

Chill guy.

That tastes so good.

Mountain Dew presented Camp Barstool for us a couple weeks ago.

That was the best time ever.

Loved hanging out with the guys.

Love competing.

Loved drinking Mountain Dew the entire time.

The Mountain's Calling.

Experienced the refreshing citrus kick of Mountain Dew.

Grab one today.

And now, Fire Fest of the Week.

Okay, Fire Fest of the Week.

Henry.

Yep.

What do you got?

I told a story about hiding a gun on a podcast earlier.

Yeah.

It's a good story.

Statue of limitations.

Yeah, hopefully.

And then yesterday

we did a Barcelona After Dark.

We talked about it.

Was it ATV, the pro volleyball tour, Chase Buttinger, San Diego Smash?

I was like, pros versus Joes.

We got smoked.

And going into it, my whole time, I was like, I just want to not, you know, get injured.

Like, we're old now.

I'm always constantly thinking, is this something where if I tried too hard, I could get hurt?

Taking, you know, spikes from professional volleyball players was like, yeah so i was like i'm not going to put myself in the line of fire did a good job during that at volleyball our softball team uh they needed a sub i didn't play in the summer because we weren't here but i was like yeah i'll sub in for the game didn't get hurt during volleyball went to softball and

i got stepped on fully stepped on with a spike basically punctured through my cleats and into my toe And my toe has just been absolutely throbbing all day.

The worst.

Is it bleeding?

It was bleeding last night.

It wasn't bleeding today.

How did you get stepped on?

Show feet.

It was like,

I was playing first base.

Memes was playing catcher.

It was, you know, play it first.

A little bit high.

I jumped up, and when I came down, it was a bang-bang play.

The runner didn't do anything wrong, but my foot came down at the same time as the runner was running and just ran over.

See the toesies.

I'm sorry, Hank.

If you think if the throw was there, would you have been okay?

Hmm?

If the throw had been good, would you have been okay?

Yeah, you got stepped on pretty good.

Did memes do something to screw you over?

No, no, it was, it's the game.

The ball slipped out of my hand and I just immediately went, oh no.

And it went 10 feet over his head.

So he had to jump, come down, and the kid went full speed into Hank.

Yeah.

And I then gave him a speech like a disappointed father.

I launched it.

I was like, fundamental baseball, dude.

That's what I said to him.

Like, literally, after he threw the ball, I was like, fundamental baseball.

He threw behind two runners with one out.

There was a guy on second and third both scored.

Oh, no.

And then

that led to like seven other runners.

We were the bad news bears.

We were the bad news bears.

So the other team kicked our ass.

But Hank, you're going to be okay?

You're going to make it through Oasis?

Yeah, I mean, it's going to be, you know, we're going to have to battle.

Are you going to sing to all the songs?

Not all the songs.

I think I've seen this at list, I think, the last like 10, 10 or so.

I'm not like a, I don't know.

I'm going with Robbie Fox.

I think he's going to be singing every single lyric to every single song.

I'm excited for the, you know, the last like 10.

What's your favorite song?

My favorite song?

Probably Master Plan.

Oh, Master Playing.

Don't Look Back in Anger.

Nice.

I'm fired up.

It's going to be awesome.

80,000 people singing these songs.

It's going to be biblical.

And you're going to be in a football stadium.

Football stadium.

You're going to be as close to football as much as you love football.

You're going to be there.

Yeah.

Okay.

PFT.

Bucket hat, Hank.

Bucket hat.

Fuck it.

Can I, instead of Firefest of the week, can I do Jordan of the week?

Sure.

It's the same Jordan that it's always been.

Did you know that?

That would be great if it was different.

No, it's the same Jordan.

She's putting up a dynasty right now.

We also, we screwed up by not talking with Tom and Brandon at all about Bill Belichick at UNC, which would be a very interesting thing to follow.

Jordan and Bill.

have trademarked the phrase gold digger.

I thought that was interesting that they did that.

Very interesting.

Why do you think they did that?

I don't know.

Hank, do you know why they

can you even can you trademark that?

Yeah, they did.

No, they tried to.

Did they officially do it?

I don't know.

File for trademark.

I don't think you can just

trademark a phrase like this, can you?

It's yeah, I mean, Kanye probably owns it.

It's very well known.

He's not getting along well with his lawyers, though.

No.

Okay.

So shout out to Jordan.

She's got a number of things that she's filed for.

They're They're being very industrious.

Jordan's looking out for the future of her maybe husband.

Yeah.

I feel like husband is coming soon.

I think they might be secret married.

Is this your addiction to secret

agreements?

Yeah, secret agreements.

I mean, Travis and Taylor were secret engaged for a couple weeks.

Terry signed the secret extension.

I think maybe they're secretly married.

Be classic Belichick.

Would be classic Belichick.

My other Fire Fest of the week is just that I lost three laptops within the span of about 30 hours.

How?

All right.

So I have my original laptop back from 2016 that I got when we started part of my take.

That's what I've been using, even though Pete's tried to give me new laptops before.

I'm like, I kind of like my old one.

I like the keys.

Wait, yeah, whose laptop is this?

All right, so I'll get to that.

I just noticed the stickers.

I'll get to that in a second.

And

I took that on the road with me and I left it in the hotel in New York City, yeah, on uh on Friday.

And I was already out of the city when I realized that I left that, I left the laptop behind.

I didn't really feel like calling the place and then having them ship it back to me because it's and it also is a bad laptop now, it doesn't really work that well.

So I just whoa, whoa, breaking moves

the cowboys traded Michael.

Oh, Micah Parsons.

Is this real?

Yeah, it's real.

Micah Parsons to the Green.

Do you see how I thought it was fake?

Because Schefter said Cowboys are trading three-time all-pro Micah Packers to the Green Bay Packers.

Yeah.

They've reached an agreement on a four-year, $188 million coverage.

Fuck!

Fuck.

Fuck.

That's bad.

I'm very happy.

I am not happy.

I'm extremely happy.

Hey, great deal by Jerry Jones.

Probably getting a haul back from that.

Rebuild the entire franchise.

Let's see.

What are they being?

What did they trade him for?

This is bad.

Highest paid non-quarterback in NFL history.

This is bad.

Great.

Great trade by Jerry Jones.

This is bad.

He's done it again.

God fucking damn it.

How do you let the fucking Packers get him?

Packers got fleeced.

This is awesome.

Great job, Jerry.

Fleece, you said?

A great trade by Jerry Jones.

How many picks?

I want to encourage this type of activity from him.

We don't know yet.

Oh, man.

And you know what's worse is I saw a tweet earlier today that was like Micah Parsons just started following Caleb Williams.

Like, literally?

Yeah, no, that was.

Now it makes sense in the bad way.

So he knew where he was going to go, and he started following all the ops.

Yeah.

God damn it.

All right.

Processing, processing, processing.

Processed, bad.

Processed,

great.

You know what?

They probably overpaid.

That's what I'm going to say.

They don't have any first-round picks for the next Infinity.

Yeah.

Yeah.

This is bad.

This is bad.

Okay.

All right.

Yeah.

That's fine.

We're fine.

Piquet, do you have a firefight?

Fine.

Yeah,

mine was going to be that my daughter started watching K-pop show that's on Netflix now, and I want to kill myself.

But now, Michael Parsons is a packer, and I really want to kill myself.

All right, back to the computers.

God damn it.

How many picks?

Tell me how many picks.

I have a question.

How many fucking picks?

Do you think it's a possibility that Jerry talked to Nico?

Maybe.

Maybe.

Nico, I got a question.

How do I handle this guy?

Fuck Nico.

How do I handle this guy?

I haven't said it in a while.

There's a little rascal here.

Oh, dude, that's so much money.

Wait.

Parson has nine, and that's only two first-rounders?

Why wasn't it three?

You know what?

I'm going to just go.

I'm just going to go with Packers Fleeced

and just mute that tweet.

Right?

Yeah.

Okay.

Packers Fleeced.

Does everyone feel like that's a good question?

No, that was my initial reaction because I want to encourage Jerry Jones to keep doing this stuff.

All right.

Everyone agree, memes, you cool with that?

That's good.

Yeah, I'm shocked.

I don't know why you would trade him in the NFC.

Yeah, and also, like, he's really fucking good, and he's 26 years old, and he's going to be really good for a while.

And

now, these first-round picks are probably going to be late-round picks.

I want to know what other teams reached out because if it's just two first-round picks, I feel like other teams would have offered that, right?

All right, I'm going to do you know what?

I'm going to go, I'm going to go all caps fleeced.

What do you guys think about that?

And then I'm going to follow it up with saying, Yes, this is a cope, and then I'm going to mute the whole thing.

This is crazy

first, so it stands.

All right, you got our live reaction.

Fuck.

That's my Firefest.

And also the K-pop stuff.

The K-pop stuff, it sounds tough.

It's tough.

Aaron was telling me about that yesterday.

It's his biggest enemy.

I don't know why Netflix did that.

They did it to all of us with children.

There's just a K-pop animated show that is now, what is it called?

It's

K-pop

All-Stars or something.

I don't know.

It's...

Oh, K-pop Demon Hunters.

That's it.

Yeah.

Hank, talk.

I have the hiccups.

Damn, this is.

Micah Parsons, the Packers, gave me the hiccups.

Micah Parsons, Luka Doncich, both 26 years old.

Both traded away from Dallas.

Tough.

That's wild.

Tough for Dallas.

I feel like you're going to suck.

If you're Jerry Jones, you should probably want to trade him out of the conference.

You want to trade him out of the NFL.

Yeah.

We really could have used Micah Parsons on the Bears.

Really could have used him.

Really could have used him.

Okay.

I feel like every team should have been calling about him.

Yeah.

He's 26 years old.

I said three first-rounders.

No problem.

It was a conversation we had when this first started when people were like, we should do the Khalil Mack thing again.

Khalil Mack was good.

Khalil Mack was the right move.

It was the quarterback that didn't progress in the right timeline.

When you can get a player that is this good and this young, like, like ask yourself this, and now I'm defending the Packers, but will there be a player in the next two drafts in the

call it 15 to 25 range where the Packers will most likely be picking that will be better than Micah Parsons?

The answer is no.

I got to see what Skip Bayless has to say.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, let's look this up real quick.

Come on, Skip.

Yeah.

All right.

Our good friend Tom Fernelli is texting me.

He said, fuck.

So there we go.

We're on the same page.

Okay, back to the laptops, please.

Just tell me about your laptops.

Let's think about something else.

Okay, back to the laptops.

So I leave one in the hotel room in New York.

It's been, I've had that laptop for the last

nine years, so it's not really working that great.

Leave it there.

Then I'm just like, you know what?

Maybe it's just meant to stay there.

Maybe this is a good way for me to just move on from that laptop.

Clean break.

So I just don't inquire about the laptop.

Yep.

I think to myself, I've got another laptop that I've used from time to time back at the office.

Okay.

Come back to the office.

I don't know where the laptop is.

I don't know where I put it.

Sometime in the last two weeks, I've misplaced that laptop.

Then I've got a third laptop.

So I'm like, okay, I've got one at home.

I can bring that in.

I'll bring it in, go to a gas station on the way in, get out, walk inside, and while I'm inside, somebody steals my laptop.

What?

Yeah.

Didn't realize somebody stole it until.

Did you just leave it sitting on like the front seat?

It may have been very visible, but I don't like to lock the El Camino.

Yeah.

Can you lock the El Camino?

Yeah, yes, you can lock the El Camino.

Good question, hey.

You have to lean over and press the thing down.

Oh, and you can't reach.

And then that's not what I meant by it.

It's just a pain in the ass.

I have a wand that I use for my car locking wand.

And so I know exactly who stole my laptop.

The problem...

Oh, because you have the tracking?

No.

Oh.

The problem with...

Me knowing exactly who stole my laptop is I don't want to describe the person to anybody because the person looks exactly like me.

Oh,

the guy was inside the gas station in front of me trying to return a phone charger, at least the case to a phone charger that he had removed and tried to return it to get like 15 bucks cash from the cashier.

And she was like, No, I can't take this back.

You very clearly just stole the thing out of it.

Now you're trying to get money out of it.

Right.

This guy was not,

he was not there for any good reason.

Right.

And he looked exactly like me.

And so I can't be like, yeah, be on the lookout for me.

For me, a white guy, approximately approximately

close to six feet tall, mustache, glasses, long hair.

That's your man.

I can't describe that guy to anybody.

So whose laptop is this?

So this is a laptop that Pete gave me to do streaming on.

Probably a lot of come on it.

Back in 2020, the keys are very sticky, and nothing is saved on this.

So I'm having to log out, log back into everything.

So we're making do on this.

This is an away game, but I think this is now my laptop that I'm going to be using.

Oh, man.

So that's kind of a fire fest.

That is kind of a fire fest.

And then you have that moment when you go through like a real bad.

Do you have your laptop or Micah Parsons on your rival team?

I would trade every computer I have to get Micah Parsons off my rival team.

Yeah.

Like there's no

better feeling in the world than when Micah Parsons leaves your rival team.

It's awesome.

I highly recommend to everybody out there try it at least once.

Perspective.

Yeah.

So Big Hat, you might get get that joy one day.

Yeah.

True.

When he's like 35 in a Hall of Famer.

Yeah, when he's gone.

Zach, great trade, Jerry.

Firefest.

My Fire Fest of the week.

I guess a little bit of backstory.

Yesterday night, I did go on a date.

It was a lot of fun.

We played mini golf, got some drinks, but my firefest is that I shot a 51 on 9.

All right.

I went into it.

Solid score.

Yeah.

Really wanted to be like, you know, golf is a man's sport.

I'll look so sophisticated as a man if I can sink these putts.

And then I just,

none of the holes went well.

So how was the date, though?

Date was a lot of fun.

Great time.

The mini golf, not so much.

Will there be another date?

There could possibly be another date, yes, sir.

Exact question?

Yes, sir.

Was this date number two or was this date number one?

This was a second date.

Let's go.

It was.

All right.

So how did you manage that?

Because I know that there were some questions about reaching back out to schedule the second date.

There were just some scheduling conflicts the last couple weeks.

People were out of town.

I was out of town.

They were out of town, but they just circled back to

a datable scenario.

So, did you apologize for not reaching back out?

Certainly.

I was very transparent about being terrible at texting, and we might pivot to phone calls.

Love that.

Second play.

Pivot to phone calls.

Second play.

Maybe a first-time situation.

The most important question here: what did she shoot?

She shot, I think,

she had a couple of rough holes as as well because

the digital scorecard only let you log six holes each each hole, but I think she was like high 20s.

So I got smoked.

Okay.

So, yeah, you let her win with a gentleman.

She beat you by 20 strokes.

High teens, I don't want to say 20, but

way more strokes than you would like to get beat by in a mini golf tournament on a date.

So many more strokes.

Oh,

man, that's good.

I'm happy he went on a date.

Thank you, Big Kat.

Yeah.

We have a statement from Micah Parsons now.

Okay, let's hear it.

Let's see.

Growing up in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, I was one of a few kids in my neighborhood who cheered for the Dallas Cowboys.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

You embrace me.

My family is my own.

I never wanted this chapter to end, but not everything was in my control.

My heart has always been here.

It still is.

Through it all, I never made any demands.

I never asked for anything more than fairness.

I only asked the person I trust to negotiate my contract to be part of the process.

It's a sad day, but not a bitter one.

I'll never forget the joy of draft night, the adrenaline of running out of the tunnel, or the brotherhood I shared with my teammates, coaches, and staff who prepared me for every single game.

Those memories are mine forever.

North Texas will continue to be my home in the offseason.

I'll still be here, giving back to the community that gave me so much.

And no matter where the next chapter takes me, the bond we've built will never break.

Thank you, Cowboys Nation, for every cheer, every moment, every ounce of love you showed me.

Wearing the star has been the honor of my life.

With gratitude and love, 11.

Wow.

You should have stayed.

If you loved it,

no.

Listen, sometimes this is business.

NFL is a business.

The Cowboys are just going to suck?

They are.

As a Cowboys fan, how does this affect you?

I think they are.

They're going to be terrible.

I don't know about terrible.

The offense is still good.

It's good for the commies.

The offense is very good.

Take the team away from Jerry Jones.

No.

He's senile.

No.

Give him more responsibility.

He's senile.

Take it away.

Let the man do what he loves.

You know how much money Jerry Jones has made the NFL?

We have to be supportive of Jerry.

It's so nice if you have a rookie QB knowing he's not in your division anymore.

Yeah.

Or young QB, second-year QB.

Yeah, it is.

It's really good.

Like, it's so awesome.

It's so.

What are you laughing about, memes?

No, Hank is making a great point.

Hank's just making points.

Hank knows ball.

This is great.

Because all is going to be two times a year for the next.

Twice a year, for forever.

And like, that's a guy that even if you have a quarterback that you're really happy about, like I'm not looking forward to Dallas week.

I'm not looking forward to Micah Parsons getting out.

Even if they're bad, even if the team is bad, he's numbers three.

He's still great.

I'm going to take 11.

I'm going to take number 11.

22.

I'll allow this one.

No hate towards you.

College football is all I care about right now.

We'll deal with this later.

It's a next week problem.

This is totally a next week problem.

I don't think we play the Packers for a while anyway.

Who knows?

All right.

What do you guys got?

Numbers.

I have three.

I took 11 for Micah.

I think we play,

I can't remember what the first.

Yeah, December 7th, and then the end of the season.

We got a long time to worry about this.

A long time to worry about this.

I'll do 50.

I see it behind PFT.

46.

76.

19.

Also found a home for Mr.

Pear

45.

What'd you guys say?

You had 46?

Oh, man.

So close.

Tough break.

Love you guys.

Love you, Jerry.