Could the Human–Dog Bond Be the Antidote for Loneliness? w/ John R. Miles | EP 690

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Speaker 2 Coming up next, I'm passion struck. Revolution one began 14,000 years ago in Germany, where archaeologists found the oldest known grave of humans and dogs together.

Speaker 2 A quiet pact of protection and belonging. Revolution 2 sparked when Darwin realized that our expressions connect us with animals, reaching back further than writing or the wheel.

Speaker 2 Revolution 3 is playing out now in our tech-driven world. Co-working, silent Slack channels, and Zoom grids, where connection fades into loneliness.

Speaker 2 But every dog already knows connection isn't a luxury. It's our original operating system.
Today, we script a counter-revolution. Welcome to Passion Struck.
I'm your host, John Miles.

Speaker 2 This is the show where we explore the art of human flourishing and what it truly means to live like it matters.

Speaker 2 Each week, I sit down with change makers, creators, scientists, and everyday heroes to decode the human experience and uncover the tools that help us lead with meaning, heal what hurts, and pursue the fullest expression of who we're capable of becoming.

Speaker 2 Whether you're designing your future, developing as a leader, or seeking deeper alignment in your life, This show is your invitation to grow with purpose and act with intention.

Speaker 2 Because the secret to a life of deep purpose, connection, and impact is choosing to live like you matter.

Speaker 2 Hey friends, welcome to episode 690 of Passion Struck. I'm your host, John Miles, and this is the place where science meets soul, where data becomes devotion.

Speaker 2 and where we turn the invisible threads of human connection into superpowers you can feel in your bones.

Speaker 2 Last week, we kicked off a brand new series called The Irreplaceables, The Human Capacities No Algorithm Can Touch.

Speaker 2 We started with emotional self-regulation and presence, the quiet art of showing up as you are without letting the moment hijack you.

Speaker 2 This week we zoom out from the self to the system, the relational web that decides whether we thrive or just survive. If you missed it, we already had two powerhouse conversations this week.

Speaker 2 The first was with Elias Wise Friedman, or as millions know him, the doggist.

Speaker 2 And he walked us through New York City streets with a camera and a rescue pub, proving that a three-legged pit bull can teach empathy faster than any TED Talk.

Speaker 2 Then, yesterday, Amina Altai flipped the script on Modern Work, showing how purpose, well-being, and contribution aren't perks. They're the new KPI.

Speaker 2 Today, in my solo deep dive, we're stitching their wisdom into a three-act relationship revolution.

Speaker 2 We'll travel from prehistoric caves to Mirror Neuron Labs to your next one-on-one meeting and we'll leave with a toolkit so practical your dog will high-five you. Here's the map.

Speaker 2 First, we'll go through Revolution 1 and we'll explore the co-evolution contract. Then we'll step inside Revolution 2 and we'll discuss the Empathy Gem.

Speaker 2 And then we'll dive into Revolution 3 where I will expose you to the purpose-aligned tribe and woven throughout the belonging equation, the two variables that turn strangers into a pack.

Speaker 2 If this podcast has ever inspired you or helped you live and lead more intentionally, here are two quick ways to help it grow. First, share this episode with someone who matters to you.

Speaker 2 A teammate, a partner, a friend, who could use a reminder that connection is still our greatest strength. Second, leave a five-star rating or review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.

Speaker 2 It takes less than a minute, but it's the single best way to help new listeners discover these conversations and join. this growing community of intentional leaders.

Speaker 2 And if you'd like to go deeper with today's episode, I've created a free companion workbook over on theignitedlife.net, my sub stack.

Speaker 2 It's called the Connection Compass, a simple but powerful guide to help you audit your relationships, strengthen your empathy muscles, and rebuild belonging in your everyday life.

Speaker 2 Inside, you'll find reflection prompts, science-back exercises, and conversation starters you can use with your team, your family, or your pack. You can download it right after the episode.

Speaker 2 But before we dive in, I'd love to hear from you. What's one small moment of genuine connection you've had recently that reminded you you're not alone?

Speaker 2 Maybe it was a friend who checked in at just the right time, a barista who remembered your name or a dog who rested their head on your knee.

Speaker 2 Share it in the comments on the Ignited Life or tag me on socials. I'll be featuring a few of your stories in the next week's newsletter.

Speaker 2 Because when we share our moments of connection, we remind the world and ourselves that we still matter. to each other.
All right, let's light the fuse.

Speaker 2 Thank you for choosing Passion Struck and choosing me to be your host host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin.

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Speaker 2 Picture two silhouettes on the edge of a Pleistocene forest.

Speaker 2 One is smaller, ears slightly flopped, eyes wide, a juvenile wolf with less aggression and more curiosity than any wild pack would tolerate.

Speaker 2 The other is you, hairless, tool-making, fire-stealing Homo sapiens scanning the tree line for movement. For one heartbeat, you lock eyes.
No words, no shared language.

Speaker 2 Just a pause between your gaze and the wolf's limbic system. A flicker of recognition measured in synapse and heartbeat.
Fast forward through millennia, that moment became a contract written in DNA.

Speaker 2 Although the origins are still debated, some whisper of 36,000-year-old wolf skulls in Belgium. 33,000-year-old remains in Siberia.

Speaker 2 But the oldest, undisputed proof lies in a gravel pit near Bonn, Germany. 14,200 years ago, a puppy, barely seven months old, milk teeth still in place, was laid to rest beside two humans.

Speaker 2 Red okra dusted their bones. Antler tools and polished stones cradled the grave.
This wasn't disposal. This was reverence.

Speaker 2 Geneticists at the Max Planck Institute sequenced 700 ancient dog genomes in 2023. Their verdict, dogs didn't just tolerate us.
They chose us.

Speaker 2 A single mutation in the WBSCR17 gene reshaped their facial muscles. In other words, their genes changed.
Their faces softened. Their eyes became invitation instead of threats.

Speaker 2 This is pedomorphosis, the evolutionary hack that makes a 70-pound shepherd look like a perpetual puppy.

Speaker 2 Translation, this was a contract between animals and humans that read, look at me and feel the same protective flood you feel for your own child.

Speaker 2 We signed the other half, our oxytocin receptors, upregulated in response.

Speaker 2 A 2015 study in Science magazine found that 30 minutes of mutual gaze between a human and a dog spikes ocytocin levels in humans by 300%

Speaker 2 and in dogs by 130%,

Speaker 2 mirroring the biochemical bond between a mother and her infant during breastfeeding. This is coevolution on steroids.

Speaker 2 When your dog tilts her head at your tone, she's running a real-time empathy simulation.

Speaker 2 When you apologize for being late, and he thumps his tail anyway, he's modeling unconditional positive regard, a skill most therapists charge $200 an hour to install. Archaeology doubles down.

Speaker 2 Neolithic sites in Arabia and the Americas revealed dogs with arthritis and healed fractures were living decades past wild lifespan because humans fed them, carried them, cared.

Speaker 5 These weren't tools.

Speaker 2 They were external prefrontal cortices, emotional regulators in a chaotic world. As Elias Wise Friedman, the dogist, told me earlier in the week, dogs don't wonder, what if I fail?

Speaker 2 They just move forward, leading with trust. In a world that trains us to earn belonging through output, Maybe that's the real intelligence we've lost.

Speaker 2 Or, as Amina Altai reminded us, our value isn't in our productivity. And dogs never forget that.
Okay, hold that circuitry in your mind.

Speaker 2 That same neural zipline that lights up when your dog sighs in his sleep is the exact zipline atrophying in our camera off culture. Silent Slack channels at 5.01 p.m.
Headphones as cubicle walls.

Speaker 2 14 black Zoom boxes staring back like tombstones. But every time your dog scoots closer in the dark, he or she reboots the system.
Because connection is not a nice to have.

Speaker 2 It is the original operating system, the one that built tribes, tamed fire, and taught us to matter by being seen. And that revolution? It starts with one gaze, one name, one I'm home.

Speaker 2 And that brings me to something I've learned through the years. From archaeologists, geneticists, and every dog who ever leaned in, the right gaze invites belonging.

Speaker 2 And belonging, not utility, is the currency of real connection. So here's a question for you to sit with.

Speaker 2 How can one small act of being seen, a name, a pause, a I noticed, rebuild trust in your world?

Speaker 2 You can share your story in the comments on the Ignited Life or post it on social using hashtag RelationshipRevolution.

Speaker 2 Also, I just announced my first children's book, U Matter Luma, a beautifully illustrated story about a little bunny who feels too small to matter until she discovers her light changes everything.

Speaker 2 It's a story about belonging, empathy, and self-worth, inspired by the same ancient bond we're exploring in today's episode. You Matter Luma is now available for pre-order at Barnes ⁇ Noble.

Speaker 2 When you pre-order, you're helping bring the message of mattering to families everywhere. Visit youmatterluma.com to learn more.
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Speaker 2 Thank you for supporting those who support the show. It truly helps us keep bringing you conversations that matter.

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Speaker 2 You're listening to Passion Struck on the Passion Struck Network. So far, we've explored how a wolf's gaze became our superpower.

Speaker 2 But what happens when that same circuitry powers empathy in the streets of Manhattan? That's where we're headed next, with Elias Wise Friedman. and the three-second pause that changes everything.

Speaker 2 Elias walks the sidewalks of Manhattan with a camera and a quiet rule. Not about aperture, not about light, about presence.
He calls it the three-second pause.

Speaker 2 It's his lift method, not a lab protocol. And here is how it goes.
You crouch, you wait, you hold eye contact until the dog looks away first. Elias has photographed 60,000 dogs.

Speaker 2 He says in those three heartbeats, something shifts. The dog's ears flick from orienting, threat or friend, to affiliative.
We're good. A tail wag, a soft exhale.
The door to empathy cracks open.

Speaker 2 Why three seconds, you might ask? It's the average window Elias has observed. Not a stopwatch study, but street-level truth.
Behavior science backs the rhythm.

Speaker 2 According to the Canine Cognition Center, dogs assess novel stimuli in under five seconds. But Elias isn't citing papers.

Speaker 2 He's citing Luna, the three-legged pit bull who froze on 14th Street until second 2.8 when she leaned in for a nose bop that went viral.

Speaker 2 Now, let's bring in the belonging equation, a narrative synthesis rooted in decades of social psychology. It goes like this.
Belonging equals perceived similarity plus repeated positive regard.

Speaker 2 So let's examine the first variable, perceived similarity. Mirror neurons discovered in McAchieve monkeys in the 1990s don't care about species.
They fire when you predict another's action.

Speaker 2 A 2021 Pinus study found that a dog's tail wag at one to five hertz synchronizes human heart rate variability in under seven seconds. That rhythm? That's the oldest I see you in the animal kingdom.

Speaker 2 Now let's look at variable two, repeated positive regard. One dopamine hit equals curiosity.
Seven hits in a week? That equals attachment. Elias's Instagram account proves it.

Speaker 2 Post the same rescue pup Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Engagement doubles.
Followers experience repeated positive regard by proxy. They're not just scrolling.
They're joining a micro-tribe.

Speaker 2 Now, translate this to humans. You walk into your neighborhood coffee shop.
You're greeted by a barista wearing a name tag that says J-A-Y. Your default move.
I'll take a medium latte.

Speaker 2 But here's the revolutionary move. You say, Hey, Jay, you nailed the Faux Mart last week.
Trying to top it today? That's perceived similarity.

Speaker 2 You remembered and repeated positive regard when you affirmed. The cost to you? Just four seconds.
The return on investment? Jay remembers you tomorrow. So say you want to scale it.

Speaker 2 Imagine you're walking into a dog park that you frequent often. Usually you walk in and you just mind your own business.
But today you decide to do something different.

Speaker 2 You make eye contact with someone you met a couple days ago and you use their name. Next, you give them a micro compliment.
Luna's Zoomies are legendary. Later on, you create a future pact.

Speaker 2 You tell them, I'll see you on Thursday. Then, seven interactions later, you've created your own micro tribe with no app required.
Or, as Elias puts it, before you get a dog, you know your neighbor.

Speaker 2 After you get a dog, you know your entire neighborhood. Now, the counterexample.
What happens when belonging fails?

Speaker 2 A 2023 Nature Human Behavior Meta-analysis found that zero micro-belonging moments per week resulted in a 38% cortisol spike and a 31% drop in creative problem solving.

Speaker 2 Now let's take this to the workforce. According to a 2025 Gallup report, hybrid workers averaging less than than three name uses per day report 79% higher emotional exhaustion.

Speaker 2 This is social famine, but dogs, they're the antidote. Let me tell you about the story when Elias met Milo, a shelter dog who flinched at shadows.

Speaker 2 When Elias met the owner, he told him Milo is unadoptable. But Elias decided to take matters into his own hands.
He crouched. Three second pause.
Milo froze. Then Army crawled forward.

Speaker 2 One nose bop, one photo, one adoption the next day. Sometimes a photograph is a kind of healing, Elias told me.

Speaker 2 He went on to say when someone sees their dog through someone else's eyes, it reminds them that love is visible. That's the empathy gem in action.
Here's the parallel in humans.

Speaker 2 Service dog training at canine companions. Handlers learn the three-second vulnerability window.
Hold eye contact. Name the emotion aloud.
I see you're anxious. I'm here.

Speaker 2 The result, according to a 2024 report in the Journal of Traumatic Stress, PTSD veterans report a 42% drop in hypervigilance within 90 days.

Speaker 2 Research shows that frequent positive social encounters reduce stress, boost immunity, and sharpen cognition.

Speaker 2 The exact seven moments equals a 42% cortisol drop isn't in one paper, but the directional truth is ironclad across over 40 studies.

Speaker 2 What this tells us is that dogs have been running this experiment on us for 14,000 years. Every time you linger with a stranger's pup, Every time you send, I noticed you crushed that presentation.

Speaker 2 You're flexing the empathy muscle evolution built. You see, the gym is open 24 by 7.
But how do you use the equipment? Your eyes, your voice, your willingness to be seen. Connection isn't fluffy.

Speaker 2 It is the original operating system, the one that turned caves into villages, strangers into allies, and loneliness into legacy. So step inside.
Hold the gaze. Speak the name.

Speaker 2 offer the micro affirmation. The revolution starts with three seconds, one heartbeat, one dog at a time.
But connection isn't only something from our past. It's what we're all trying to find again,

Speaker 2 even now, in moments that look nothing like community. It's 9.07 a.m.
on a Tuesday. Your laptop glows like a campfire.
You no longer gather around. Slack fires up.
47 unread messages scroll by.

Speaker 2 Updates, pings, and that endless streak of just circling back. But how many of those messages use your name? How many ask about you?

Speaker 2 Not just your output. Welcome to Modern Work.
Gallup's 2025 State of the Global Workplace paints the picture in drastic terms. 25%

Speaker 2 of fully remote workers experience daily loneliness. That's nearly double the 16%

Speaker 2 for on-site teams. The water cooler? Gone.

Speaker 2 Replaced by emoji reactions.

Speaker 2 How are you? Shrunk to circle back. In a world with more tools but less touch, how do we find our tribe? One that fights for us, not just with us.

Speaker 2 Today, we're diving into what it means to build a purpose-aligned tribe in a disconnected world. Yesterday on the show, we were joined virtually through Wisdom Not Wires by Amina Altai.

Speaker 2 She's a career alchemist, a burnout whisperer, and a woman who learned the hard way that chasing success without belonging will break the body before it builds the dream.

Speaker 2 Today, her mission is to help us remember that ambition isn't about doing more. It's about becoming whole together.
It starts with presence.

Speaker 2 Amina teaches that success and belonging aren't individual pursuits. They're realized in community.

Speaker 2 Her signature move, a simple but revolutionary six-question retro that turns any meaning into a mirror for meaning. So if you can, jot these down.

Speaker 2 Yes, even if you're driving, pull over for a second and grab a pen. They're that worth it.
Here are the six. Ready to write them down? The first, what energized me this week?

Speaker 2 The second, what drained me? The third, where do I feel most seen? The fourth, where do I feel most invisible? The fifth, who do I want to contribute to next?

Speaker 2 And who do I want? to become with.

Speaker 2 That last one, that's the revolution. Because purpose isn't a solo sport.
It's a pack activity bred into us like heartbeat and breath. So let's see this in action.

Speaker 2 Amina shared a remarkable story from Shopify's engineering team. On onboarding day, new hires aren't asked about code, and no one cares about KPIs.
Instead, everyone's invited to share three slides.

Speaker 2 None of them are about work. The first is a childhood photo.
The second is a personal mantra. And the third is a burning question for the team.
The result? That simple ritual changed everything.

Speaker 2 Psychological safety scores soared up 38% in just 90 days. Voluntary turnover dropped by 22%.

Speaker 2 Amina put it best. It was a culture shift born from curiosity.
not compliance. But belonging doesn't start with metrics.
It starts with meaning.

Speaker 2 I hope you still have a pen out to jot down this next exercise. In a world where meetings feel like battlegrounds, here's how to build a real tribe in just 90 seconds.
I call them the three Rs.

Speaker 2 Regulate, reveal, and reinforce.

Speaker 2 First are regulate. Start every meeting with one sentence that names your energy level so everyone can see you as human first and colleague second.

Speaker 2 For example, you might say, right now, I'm running on 60%.

Speaker 2 Pause.

Speaker 2 Let it land. That single act instantly lowers armor, raises trust, and turns a room of strangers into a circle of allies.

Speaker 2 The goal is to replace how are you small talk with real-time empathy in eight seconds flat. The second are reveal.
Drop one human detail. For example, my dog ate my AirPod

Speaker 2 again

Speaker 2 and laugh.

Speaker 2 Now the room breathes. Vulnerability isn't risk, it's permission.

Speaker 2 Third R, reinforce, and every one-on-one like this.

Speaker 2 One thing I appreciate about working with you is fill in the blank. Say it.
Mean it. 10 seconds, one week changed.

Speaker 2 Three hours, 90 seconds. A tribe that has your back, even when the camera's off.

Speaker 2 Maybe you're not a big company right now. Maybe you're building your dreams at midnight with a freelance Discord or sketching your next idea while your dog curls up at your feet.

Speaker 2 Your tribe is who you choose.

Speaker 2 Your mastermind group, your mentor, your family, even the friend who texts, hey, are you good when the world goes quiet? The equation doesn't scale with headcount.

Speaker 2 It scales with the courage to be seen. Amina knows this firsthand.
Before she became a coach and speaker, she was burning out at the intersection of big goals and little belonging.

Speaker 2 Chronic illness forced her to stop and ask, who do I want to become with? World transformation doesn't happen alone. It begins with connection.

Speaker 2 When she started rebuilding her life, she didn't just find her footing. She rebuilt her tribe.
That tribe rebuilt her in return.

Speaker 2 You see, every thank you text, every moment of honesty, every you matter to me resets the operating system.

Speaker 2 So as we close the speech, ask yourself, who helps you feel seen enough to become who you're meant to be? Because legacy isn't an individual highlight reel.

Speaker 2 It's a tapestry of courageous connections, woven one check-in, one appreciation, one act of presence at a time.

Speaker 2 We began today's discussion both in legend and in science, in a Pleistocene forest beneath open sky, when a wolf and a human locked eyes and the first bridge between species was built.

Speaker 2 That moment became a promise we've been trying to keep ever since. Today, we renew it, to notice, to name, and to nurture the bonds that make us human.
The relationship revolution won't happen.

Speaker 2 in code or clicks. It lives in the warmth of a three-second gaze.

Speaker 2 In the courage to say, I noticed what you did, and it mattered, in the small rituals that turn colleagues into allies and neighbors into chosen family.

Speaker 2 Elias reminded us, connection starts when you pause long enough for the dog or the person to lean in first. Almina taught us that belonging isn't built by doing more.

Speaker 2 It's born from becoming more whole together. So here's your three-day micro-revolution challenge.
Three small experiments to reboot your belonging circuitry. Do them all.

Speaker 2 Share your reflections with hashtag relationships revolution. I'll feature a few in next week's newsletter.
Day one, practice the three-day vulnerability window.

Speaker 2 In your next human interaction, hold eye contact one heartbeat longer than feels necessary. Use their name.
Add a micro affirmation, a simple truth about what you see and appreciate.

Speaker 2 Notice how empathy awakens in the pause. Day two, send the I notice text.
Choose one co-worker or friend. Then send this.
I noticed you fill in the blank about you this week. It mattered.

Speaker 2 No emoji, no filler, just your honest attention, the ultimate antidote to invisibility. And then day three, the pack walk.
Invite someone on a 15-minute walk and talk. Side by side, no agenda.

Speaker 2 If remote, call while you both walk. Shared moments sync your rhythms.
Silent companionship builds trust at a cellular level. Before the weekends, record a 60-second voice memo to your dog.

Speaker 2 Apologize for something silly. Then play it back as if you're the dog.
soaking in the kindness. That's self-compassion, extending the same positive regard you give others inward.

Speaker 2 This is how we start the micro-revolution. One gaze, one name, one act at a time.
The original operating system, connection, is waiting for you to log back in. And when you do, you won't just belong.

Speaker 2 You'll matter. If today's episode gave you a new lens on connection, or helped you feel less alone in the noise, here's how you can pay the fee.

Speaker 2 Share this episode with one person who needs more connection in your life. Leave a five-star rating on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.
It's how new listeners find the mattering revolution.

Speaker 2 Subscribe to theignitedlife.net, my free sub stack for key takeaways, workbooks, and behind the scenes.

Speaker 2 And don't forget to pre-order my new children's book, You Matter Luma, at Barnes ⁇ Noble, because every child deserves to know that they are seen.

Speaker 2 Next week, we continue the Irreplaceables with Scott D. Anthony, clinical professor at the Tuck School of Business at Dartmouth and author of the new book, The 11 Epic Disruptions.

Speaker 2 He joins me for a powerful discussion on the human side of innovation, why imagination, not iteration, drives the future.

Speaker 2 We'll explore what it means to lead as pattern breakers in an algorithmic world, drawing from Scott's 20 years at InnoSight, where he's helped triple revenues expand globally and advise CEOs on six continents.

Speaker 7 You need this duality, almost a paradox in your mind, where you are simultaneously thinking about long-term future and present reality, recognizing if you don't care and deliver for today, you don't earn the right to do tomorrow.

Speaker 7 But if you don't have a vision, a direction to which you're trying to go to for tomorrow, the efforts that you have in today are going to be misguided or even counterproductive.

Speaker 7 And the thing that I generally counsel leaders to do is make sure that you just stop and you apply different timeframes and mental models as you're looking at different things that you are trying to decide around.

Speaker 2 Until next time, remember: to matter is to be seen. And the revolution starts with one gaze, one name, one I noticed.
This is John Miles. You've been passion struck.
Now go start the revolution.