Ep. #594: Julia Ioffe, John Heilemann, Sen. Jon Tester (D-MT)

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Welcome to an HBO podcast from the HBO Late Night Series, Real Time with Bill Ma.

Start the clock.

People,

Thank you very much.

I appreciate it.

Thank you.

Thank you, people.

Thank you very much.

Thank you for coming out.

I uh

thank you.

I know you are you're excited because you probably have Oscar fever.

I have Oscar fever.

I have long Oscar fever.

Because really, that show, it's coming up Sunday.

It always makes me think of my mortgage because it

seems to last 30 years and I have a very low interest rate.

I don't know if you've seen, I haven't seen a lot of the movies.

A lot of remakes this year.

Dune was a big movie that was a remake, and Westside Story.

Nightmare Alley was a remake, but very current, because it's also the Republican plan for abortion.

He kidding.

But the big

exciting thing about the Oscars is there's a rumor that Zelensky

might make an appearance, I guess, by video.

Wow.

Boy, I tell you, he thinks Putin is a bloodthirsty maniac.

Wait till he sees Twitter on Oscar night.

But

he probably won't come.

But just in case they booked a Nick Cage, because he's also survived a lot of bombs.

I kid Nick.

I love Nick.

You know, here's the interesting thing about the Oscars.

You know, QAnon, where are my QAnon people?

I love the QAnon people.

Really?

Oh, fuck.

They think the Oscars, they think everything's a fake.

You know, they think the Oscars are not even real.

It's a false flag operation.

They

said, look at the audience.

It's a bunch of paid actors.

Oh, this was

an interesting week in America.

We have the Oscars to honor the best acting, and then we had the Supreme Court hearings that witnessed the worst.

Did you see this shit that went down?

I mean, the Republicans, yes, we're going to have Kentenji Brown Jackson is going to be our first black woman on the Supreme Court, so that's going to happen.

But wow,

to go through this charade,

I mean, I think the Republicans were still mad about Brett Kavanaugh from 2018.

I mean, if you took a drink every time they mentioned Brett Kavanaugh, you'd be Brett Kavanaugh.

No.

But

Judge Jackson answered

questions for 24 hours over two days.

Just breaking the record from a husband who was texting his ex.

I mean, she barely was able to keep the, what the fuck are you talking about face on by the end.

I mean, Josh Hawley, you know, all these Republicans, you know, implied she was soft on child porn.

Tom Cotton went on about how she was coddling drug dealers.

Ted Cruz was badgering about critical race theory, really?

Nothing about saggy pants and twerking.

I mean, if.

If you're the type of person who enjoys watching older white people yell at a black woman, this was Karen Heaven.

Marsha Blackburn of Tennessee actually said, word for word, she said, is it your personal

hidden agenda, your personal hidden agenda, to incorporate critical race theory into our legal system?

What do you say to that?

Yep, yep, you got me, Whitey.

That's what I'm here for, yeah.

I also want to put Kanye on

Rushmore.

I mean,

well,

Ted Cruz, of course, has to be the worst.

He asked her,

based on this book called Anti-Racist Baby, do you think babies are racist?

Which comes up all the time at the Supreme Court.

Do you think, and you know what?

Babies can be read.

That's actually kind of true.

There is, I mean, not racist the way we would define it, but there is bias.

And I know a baby who's racist.

Well, you can tell, because his first words were, I'm not a racist, but

Well, listen to this.

They did a poll.

They found out,

because of what's going on in Ukraine, they asked the poll here in America: if America was invaded by Russia, how many would stand and fight?

You know how many Americans said they would?

55%.

That's pretty scary.

Democrats, only 40% of Democrats said they would stay here and fight.

Of the other 60%, they said they would if they could do it by Zoom.

And

listen to this, but 40% of Democrats would stay in fight, 68%

of Republicans said they would stay and fight.

But most of them watch Tucker Carlson.

So the question is, which side?

All right, we've got a great show.

We have John Heilman and Senator John Tester.

But first up, she is a Russia expert, founding partner, and Washington correspondent for the media company Procket Julia Yaffe.

Julia.

Hey.

How are you?

Nice to see you again.

All right.

Okay, so Russia expert is exactly what we want at this moment.

I mean, we're talking a lot about Russia these days.

What do Russians really want?

What?

Is something going on?

There is something big going on, and you probably know more about it than anybody.

I hear all the time that the Russians don't really know what's going on in Ukraine, that Putin, I mean, obviously he's a dictator who can close off media outlets.

I find it hard to believe at this moment in the 21st century that information cannot get in to the Russian people.

Maybe if you live out on a beet farm in the middle of nowhere, but really the people in Moscow, you think they really don't know what's going on?

Well, it's hard to say.

I think the people who want to know what's going on, they know what's going on, and they know how to get information.

They have VPNs to get around.

And don't they talk to everybody else in the apartment building?

I think those people who who know what's going on, given the penalties that have been instituted, that are up to 15 years in jail, in a Russian jail,

for spreading fakes about the war.

And a fake, by their definition, is anything that deviates from the official line.

So I've been talking to friends and family who are still in Russia who oppose the war, who said they are starting to be very careful about who they speak to about the war and how they speak about it.

But they know.

Just like under the war.

They know, but not everybody.

They knew the system didn't work.

Not everybody.

They didn't know the system didn't work?

Communism?

I think some people know.

I think that.

Remember the old joke?

We pretend to work, they pretend to pay us?

Oh, I know some other jokes.

That was.

Dirty jokes?

Something that would amuse us?

Do you want to hear it?

Yeah, I'd love to.

So, what doesn't fit in your ass and doesn't buzz?

I don't know why I'm thinking that like, boy, am I going to get double how I am?

Oh, wait.

What doesn't fit in your ass and doesn't buzz?

I don't know.

A Soviet-made-ass buzzer.

Okay, well, I think I've proved my point.

But yeah, I guess.

I'm here all night.

I mean,

to go to your point, you know, here in America, where we do have a free press still and people can read pretty much whatever they want, certainly not everything, but that's a different story for a different night.

Still, a lot of people in this country think Trump won the election.

So,

you know, in a country like Russia, where he does control the media,

I guess, and all you need is, you know, as we see in this country, all you need is about a solid third of the people.

Because I think, you know, of all the people who claim that Trump won the election, I don't think a lot of them believe that.

It's just to troll the other side.

But probably a third of this country believes that.

Well, that's the thing is people ask me all the time, you know, how could Russians really believe this stuff?

Don't they know?

In fact, she just asked me.

But you know, it's actually, it turns out it's not that hard to fool people and to confuse people.

And here we've had what, it's been a year and change since January 6th.

We've had like six years since Trump was elected.

The Russians have been living under this kind of ever-tightening noose of censorship for over 20 years.

22 years.

So they've been kind of conditioned not to question, not to ask questions.

The people who do ask questions get punished.

The people who go out into the streets and protest get punished.

Sometimes they get killed.

They lose their jobs.

Not if they're also killed, but

and the legacy of communism,

when I hear people sometimes in this country who I don't think remember the history or don't care to learn it, talk about maybe that'd be a good idea to try that again.

This is the kind of cynicism.

I think we thought that when communism fell, well, it was going to be a whole new ballgame.

But it was much deeper than just the system.

And it was, it's almost like I think

like an abused child.

You know, I mean, when you grow up, that's still in you.

And I think the Russian people still have a tremendous amount of cynicism, more than I see in any other people in the world.

I think also a lot of trauma.

If you look at what the Russian people, the Soviet people, so including Ukrainian people,

lived through in the 20th century.

I mean, something like over 50 million Soviets lost their lives between 1914 and 1945.

In the four years that Russia fought or the Soviet Union fought in World War II, they lost 15% of their population in just four years.

And that followed, that was after waves of arrests and political repression.

So this is all

these are people's family stories, right?

And so when Putin comes out and says, you know, arrest 20 people or arrests 100 people, people immediately get the message.

He doesn't need to do mass arrests.

Is he still rational?

I mean, mean, I never feared him because, yes, he was evil, but he was not irrational.

And he didn't seem weak or stupid.

Now he seems dumb for going into this war.

And when I see him sitting at that giant table,

that's like a cuckoo person's thing to do.

I mean, you've seen that giant table.

Yeah, it's very Harold Hughes, right?

Yeah, Howard Hughes.

Howard Hughes.

Yeah, yeah.

Right.

I've seen him with people.

Like he, I saw him picture him with a bunch of flight attendants from the airline.

He was standing close to them.

But other people, you have to sit at the end of the big long table.

What is your assessment of what's going on in his mind?

He just turned 70.

That can fuck with your head.

He's about to.

In October, he'll turn 70.

And I think that's very important for him.

He's definitely, he's been thinking about his legacy for a long time.

But, you know, I think the question of rational and not rational is kind of is a difficult one because within his system of information, his system of references he believes he's acting rational rationally but his the information he's getting the circle of people around him is getting smaller and smaller and smaller and i think from the outside it looks like it was an irrational move to invade ukraine and to do what he's doing now but in his uh in his bubble where he's getting very bad information obviously right he was told ukrainians would greet Russians as liberators and that all Ukrainians are secretly Russians who want to be part of Russia.

If that's the information you're getting and that you believe to be true, then you are acting rationally in your little bubble.

Well, Bush said we'd be greeted as liberators in Iraq, so let's not go there.

But I understand your point, and I think you're right.

What does Ukraine look like

in a year?

He's not just going to lose gracefully.

It doesn't look like they're going to give in to all his points.

So

based on Russian history and the way they conduct wars,

it's grim.

I don't know if what do you think?

A year from now, two years, five years?

I don't know.

I do not have a lot of optimism.

Given the wars that Putin has waged in Chechnya, in Syria, the practice he's gotten there, bombing hospitals, terrorizing civilians, in some cases using chemical weapons like in Syria.

It doesn't look very good.

And I, because of this bubble that he's in and because of his pride and because of this legacy, I think he wants to press it till the very end.

He cannot seem to be losing to people he calls little Russians.

Yeah, he's got a, it's a strange mix in this man.

He seems so macho.

We see all the pictures of him with his shirt off and that kind of stuff.

And yet he seems to be very paranoid about COVID

and has had a lot of work done.

What's that about?

You're in L.A.

You should not have done that.

What's about?

But he's not.

Yeah, well, in Moscow, Moscow people love.

Love plastic surgery?

Oh, yeah.

It just seems odd that Mr.

Macho puts you at the end of a very long table

and

has Botox.

I mean, he'll poison you and then shoot the chicken botulism in his head.

Yeah.

I think image is very important to him.

This is somebody who...

But you don't look better.

You just don't know.

Again, I think people often people get work and they think they look better.

They never do.

Very rare.

He's just like you and me, you know?

He's just like you and me?

Tell me another joke sometime.

All right, thank you for enlightening us.

I appreciate you coming by here, Julia.

Julia Yaffe, thank you.

Let's meet our panel.

Okay, hey guys.

On a testosterone here tonight.

He is the host of executive direct producer of Showtime's The Circus and executive editor of The Recount.

John Heilman is over here.

And he is a Democrat from Montana and the Senate's only working farmer, Senator John Tester.

All right.

Now, I have to mention something.

I guess the cat is out of the bag.

All week long people are saying, Bill, do you have a podcast now?

Yes, I do.

I'm admitting it.

HBO, let me do this because, you know, for me, talking politics is my job.

So like when I'm high with my friends, it's kind of a busman.

I mean, I mean, when I'm in a friendly mood with my friends, it's kind of a busman's holiday.

I wanted a place I could talk to people, and it wasn't political.

While you were high.

That's probably why you forgot that you had one.

Exactly.

What's the name of your podcast?

It's called Club Random.

Because it's where we shot the show when we couldn't be in the studio because of the pandemic.

I have have a little place on my house called Club Random.

Anyway, I don't know how to get a podcast, but if you do and you like it, it's a lot of me talking to like people who would never be on this show, TikTokers and people, it's hysterical.

And then like William Shatner and Putin Tarantino were the first two because I want to just like get high and I mean have fun and talk with.

Anyway, we're not here to talk about that, but I thank HBO for letting me do that.

I want to talk about your workplace because Joe Manchin, who is your colleague, colleague, I assume you're friendly with him.

I am.

Okay.

He is going to vote yes for Judge Jackson, which means we will have Judge Jackson on the Supreme Court.

Well, there's 49 others, too, but yes.

But they're all, but he's the one that we had to be concerned about, right?

So it's a kind of a done deal, right?

Isn't that the headline?

I would hope so.

She's a good person.

So it's sad that we had to go through this charade, and we do every single time now.

I mean, it used to be in the old days that a Supreme Court pick was, you know, the Senate said, look, you won the election, you get the pick.

Unless they're really crazy, we pretty much go along.

That's all out the window.

I mean, Grassley came out and said, this is not going to be a circus.

And then the question started, I mean, the first question should have been, why aren't you under arrest?

That was, I mean, child molesting,

child pornography and terrorism and everything they could possibly think that had nothing to do with her.

So why do we even televise it?

Because it's all for the cameras that they're doing this.

I don't know how you work in that place.

I really don't.

But the cameras make it worse.

So look, the cameras absolutely make it worse and for a lot of other reasons.

But the bottom line is you go through this process so people can ask questions.

And there are some good questions that are asked by some thoughtful folks on both sides of the aisle.

And hopefully, and I am still of hopes that there will be some Republicans that vote for her.

Now, there's no guarantee of that.

And if they don't, it'll be a partisan vote.

And I think that'll be very unfortunate because this woman is very qualified to be on the Supreme Court.

And besides that, I met with her yesterday in person, eyeball to eyeball.

She's normal.

Normal.

That's something to be said for Washington, D.C.

She's normal.

You mean down to earth?

Yes.

Yeah.

But she's also, I know you know, I know you think this, she's normal in terms of her bearing.

She's also an extraordinary legal mind, incredibly qualified.

There's no standard by which she's not qualified for the job, right?

And, you know, it is a sad thing.

And not to be partisan about it, go back and look at the way the Democrats treated Neil Gorsuch when he went through his nomination.

It's like, what's not the same?

It's yes, there's partisanship now in this process, and there is grandstanding for the cameras, but there's nothing like the asininity of Ted Cruz that took place in Neil Gorsuch's hearings.

There's nothing like anybody saying, can you define what it is to be a man or a woman?

None of those things happen.

None of the stuff that child pornography happened.

None of that.

Democrats just, they sometimes are ideological, they can be political, they can sometimes be mean and tough, but

they're not just screaming assholes.

Let me, since there's not

a Supreme Court nomination game.

Since there's not a Republican here, let me, I know what they would say about this.

They would say, not only did this fight begin with Robert Bork,

but all of the bitter partisanship that we're seeing started with that.

Now, kids, if you don't know who Robert Bork is, because you know the kids, they're like, if it didn't happen before I was born, it didn't happen.

But you know what, kids?

It did.

Stuff did happen, and it's affecting your life now, because

this is what they would say for sure.

They would say, now, Robert Bork was nominated by Reagan in 1987.

He was far, far, far right.

But so the Democrats

made a big thing about blocking his nomination.

Some of the Republicans didn't like him either.

It was a bipartisan defeat for Bork.

Mostly it was the Democrats.

Most who was the Democrats, but there were Republicans adjoint.

Okay.

But there were probably moderate Republicans then.

But Ted Kennedy made a very famous speech, and I want to read some of it for you now.

This was, everybody knew this back then.

He said, Robert Bork's America is a land in which women would be forced into back alley abortions, blacks would sit at segregated lunch counters, rogue police could break down citizens' doors in midnight raids, schoolchildren could not be taught about evolution, writers and artists would be censored at the whim of the government.

We got Reb Bork's America without Bork.

Yeah.

Some of it.

Most of it.

Most of it, let's go through it.

Because a land where women would be forced into back alley abortions, that is coming to a state near you.

Check.

Okay.

Blacks would sit at segregated lunch counters?

No.

No.

Thankfully.

Right.

And we went quite a bit in the opposite direction.

Although we just did have a

United States Senator say that he thought that he'd be happy to have the issue of interracial marriage reopened and decided at the state level.

That happened this week.

Right.

But that's not reflective of most of America.

It's not, but it's kind of amazing that it's back on the table, Bill.

I mean, there is,

one of John's colleagues is out saying, hey, I think that'd be fine if states wanted to make interracial marriage a lot.

Who was that?

Senator Franklin.

From Indiana.

From Indiana.

South.

Mike Buck.

Or Braun.

Braun.

Senator Braun.

Never heard of him, and that's probably why.

Indiana Braun.

Yeah, Senator Braun.

Okay.

Yes.

But we would admit that that one was not a good prediction.

Interesting also, notice in this, didn't even mention gay.

In 1987, it wasn't even on the Democratic radar.

You know, you could have put that in there.

Robert Bork's America, but the Democrats weren't even there yet.

Okay.

Rogue police could break down citizens' doors in midnight raids.

Well.

We see worse than that.

Well, but that's exactly what happened to Breonna Taylor.

Yes.

And not just to black people in America.

I mean, that's a horrible law that we have, but because the Supreme Court got so far to the right and conservative, it was always backing more police powers.

Okay.

School children could not be taught about evolution.

That's kind of going on right now in the schools.

What can they be taught and what can't they?

That's kind of interesting.

Absolutely correct.

Yes.

Writers and artists would be censored at the whim of the government.

That's interesting because they are being censored, but it's not by the government.

Yeah.

That's happening.

Here's the thing about it.

Well, come.

Well, no, I mean, look, I think

I don't necessarily think Bork was the reason all this came about, but I will tell you that I think that there are some fundamental things wrong with what goes on in Washington, D.C.

when it comes to televising everything.

And I'm all about transparency in government.

But the truth is, is that a lot of these folks are getting up there asking questions like this that you talked about, that you talked about, simply for the camera so they can raise some money for a re-election.

Lindsey Graham

took a shot at me.

Yes.

He didn't say my name, but I don't know if we have that quote from

Lindsey Graham.

He said, just imagine what would happen.

Now, he's talking to Judge Jackson.

But again, they're mad about the last one.

Just imagine what would happen if people on late night television called you an effing nut.

speaking in tongues because you practiced the Catholics' faith in a way they couldn't relate to or found uncomfortable.

Okay.

Just imagine.

Not people on late night television, me.

Nobody else called,

well,

Amy also called me, what is her name?

By the way, why do Supreme Court justices have three names?

They're like serial killers.

They all have three names.

I mean,

at least there's an issue there that connects to the First Amendment.

Lindsey Graham basically saying, just imagine we lived in an America where you could speak your mind on television, like Bill Maher does.

I mean, what's the problem with that?

But Amy Comey Barrett.

Is that her name?

Whatever.

That's it.

That's the one.

She is a nut.

I'm sorry.

She grew up in the handmaid's tale.

That is nutty.

This is the thing.

This is the thing about the lessons of the Bork experience.

Like, if you go back and watch the Bork hearings, you'll find it was like a constitutional law seminar.

I mean,

you had Larry Tribe down from Harvard, and you had Ted Kennedy, and you had, at that time, Joe Biden,

who was leading that charge.

They were dissecting Robert Bork's constitutional views and trying to say if this became a prevailing view of the Constitution, America would go backwards.

It was substantive.

It definitely had an ideological edge, but it was substantive, not what we see now.

And I think, you know, you have people who say, well, it's all become a partisan circus because of Bork.

That's not what happened because of Bork.

What happened because of Bork was people decided that they couldn't ever, justices, one good thing about Bork was that he at least said what he was for and what he was against.

And that's why he lost, because he told the truth.

Right.

That he was retrograde, and he did want to take America back in time.

Now you have justices who just are coached to not say anything.

And so

where justices are like, if I speak my mind, I could get voted down.

They all, it's all performance for them.

It becomes kabuki.

That's the unfortunate legacy of Bork is that we now have substanceless hearings in a time when a televised hearing could be a great constitutional lesson for America.

But also what changed is that it's a foregone conclusion based on what party is in power in the Senate, who's going to get confirmed or not.

They're all just going to vote the party line.

No one's going to actually advise or consent or think about it.

It's just going to be, are you sitting at my lunch table?

Then I vote for you.

But if I sit at the other lunch table, I won't.

I mean, if the Republicans controlled the Senate right now, do you have any doubt that she would not be confirmed?

No, it might not even be brought up.

See, Merrick Garland.

Might not even be brought up.

Right.

But the truth is, look, I'm going to give them their due.

There's some good people on the other side of the aisle they may decide to vote for.

And I think that's what this process is.

I wouldn't uh I'm not gonna bet the farm on it two dollars and you won't and you have a farm

but but the truth is is that I still think I still think you've got to uh

you've got to have hope okay well um we have the first black woman let's go back if for some of the people who don't remember this also the first black we ever had we've only had two Thurgood Marshall 1967 when he died

It was George Bush I was president.

And so they accepted the idea that there was now a black seat on the court.

And that's how we got Clarence Thomas.

Now, I thought it was not exactly cricket to give the black seat to someone who didn't represent the majority of black thinking in America.

But here's the difference.

At least they accepted, George Bush did, the idea of

at least one black seat on the court, right?

I think today's Republicans would not do that.

I think they would be thrilled to have no black seats on the court.

Okay, a lot of them.

Okay.

So

judging by the way they treated this nominee,

which was racist top to bottom through the whole week.

But I want to ask about his wife.

If you don't know, Ginny Thomas, I mean, this is Clarence Thomas's wife.

Oh, there she is.

Yeah.

That picture, I don't know if that picture comes from that day, but she was at the January 6th riot.

She participated in what was basically urging on a coup.

She participated in something that was all about stopping the Vice President of the United States from certifying a vote, which they knew was a legitimate vote.

That's who is.

Now she always says, Clarence and I, we don't really talk about politics at home.

We don't, I can see that, that there's silence at the dinner table.

They are married.

And I can't.

But

now we have some of her texts where she was urging on, the Washington Post got a hold of her text, she's urging on Trump's chief of staff after November, after the votes have been counted, to overturn this election based on crazy QAnon theories.

Is there anything to be done about this?

Because Clarence Thomas plainly, he was the lone guy to,

the lone dissenting vote

when the court ruled that the January 6th Committee could get Trump's papers that were related to that.

I like to lay here.

Well, I mean, I think it's very disturbing because one of the things, one of the big qualities you need to have with a Supreme Court justice is independence and to be able to look at the facts and make a decision based on the facts.

And when you're being influenced by the person that's sitting next to you, and they might say they don't talk, I don't buy that.

Or they wouldn't be, well, maybe they would still be married.

But the truth is, is that you visit with your spouse.

That's a secret, a communication secret to a long marriage.

But I'm telling you, it puts his independence in question, and he should be recusing himself from any of these issues.

The woman has been a crazy, crazy right-wing activist

for the entire time that her husband has been on the Supreme Court.

More crazy in more recent years, as it's happened with the party in general.

You read the text messages, Bill, it's like, who's your nuttiest, most brain-diseased,

Trump MAGA following relative, the one who's been brain-alled by syphilis or whatever?

And they've completely gone around the bend and they do all their shit posting on Facebook.

That's what her text messages sound like.

She's writing about how the Biden crime family and reporters should be sent to military tribunals at Gitmo because of what

they were saying that the election was legitimate after the election, in addition to urging the chief of staff to be like a political consultant to the chief of staff.

It is possible that Clarence Thomas didn't know that, although they have both called themselves each other's best friends on many occasions in public.

But this is an issue not just of her craziness, it's an issue of corruption.

It's like there is a, there's a federal, the Supreme Court has no ethical guidelines on it whatsoever for judges.

There's no code of ethics on the Supreme Court.

But the rest of federal judges, and that includes them in some sense, are said that you can't rule in a case in which your spouse or family members can benefit in some way.

This was a case where she, as a member of a right-wing cabal that wants to overthrow the election, would benefit potentially from

not having Trump's communications come forward.

And also, she would personally benefit from not having those communications come forward.

He was conflicted out of this case.

Did he ever admit that his wife went to the Stop the Steel rally?

No.

Did he admit that there was any possible conflict of interest?

No.

He should not only be barred from ruling on any case related to the January 6th issue.

I think there's a pretty good case.

He should be censured in some other way.

Justice Roberts needs to get serious about this

because

he talks all the time about the fact and he's right that the court the supreme court's standing in american life now is worse than it's been any time in our lifetime americans do think the court has been politicized they think it's not credible this is the kind of shit that makes people think that and they're right to think that in this case you've got to do something about it well i don't know i don't know yeah i don't know what we can but

just

Just so that people don't think you're exaggerating or I'm exaggerating about this, let me read

the thing you were alluding to before about Gitmo.

She actually thought that was actually happening.

It wasn't their proposal.

She was looking at these QAnon conspiracy theory.

The QAnon believes that Trump put watermarks on the ballots so he could tell when fraud was happening.

So Biden crime, this is Ginny's, this is Ginny's text, Biden crime family and ballot fraud co-conspirators are being arrested and detained for ballot fraud right now.

And over the coming days, we'll be living in barges off of Gitmo to face military tribunals for sedition.

She also said, release the Kraken.

She's talking to his chief of staff.

I think she's smoking the Kraken.

Release.

Release the Kraken and save us from the left taking America down.

And then at one point, she also says, many of us can't continue the GOP charade.

I thought that was interesting.

The GOP charade.

In other words, Republicans are not nearly conservative enough, not that it's conservative, to want to take over the country.

She's cool.

She's so crazy that even shithouse rats think she's crazy.

Right.

Okay.

Yeah,

I don't know what to do.

I don't have a solution to that one either.

But it is Oscar weekend, so we thought we would note that because we are here in Hollywood.

Most of the shows are not here in Hollywood.

And, you know, the big one this year that they think is going to win all the awards is Power of the Dog.

It is the the second big movie of the century that is about gay cowboys.

We all remember Brokeback Mountain.

And you know Hollywood boy, when they see a trend.

So they're remaking some of the other old Westerns a little differently.

Would you like to see some of the movies that they have coming up?

There's Once Upon a Time in the West Village, I think, is going to be

Butch Cassidy and Some Trans Kid.

Django Uncircumcised is going to be

the Fabulous Seven.

The Outlaw Jesse Smollett.

Oh, that's going to be

310 to Fire Island.

Cat Fight at the OK Corral.

How the West was fun.

Our seven brothers for seven brothers.

And

the eclectic horseman.

And that's the,

almost what he looked like in the real movie, right?

Remember that movie?

It was terrific.

All right, I mentioned this in the monologue.

I want to ask you about it, this poll that says that only 55% of Americans would stay here and fight if we were invaded by Russia and it broke down into 40% of Democrats would stay and fight, 68% of Republicans.

Now, of course, this is just what people tell a pollster.

My first question is, if you're just talking to a pollster, why not say you'd stay and fight?

Who are these people who think, oh, that's something to brag about?

Or I'm not ashamed of that?

Or have the fucking good grace to lie?

Or

maybe it's not an understanding that democracy is the exception in this world, not the rule.

Maybe it's a lack of understanding that

for everybody's life, they haven't

had their civil liberties stripped completely away from them.

I talked to a lady a week ago today, as a matter of fact, that came out of the Middle East.

And her family is still there, and she said every week, every other week,

the folks, the totalarian government, come to their place, hold a gun to their parents' head while they search the house looking for money or any sign that they're traitor to the country.

Look,

we might not like democracy, but it's the best there is.

And I'm going to tell you that

when it comes to this guy, damn right I'm going to fight for this country because this is the best country you've ever had.

And if you take a look, and I don't have to tell you guys this, or anybody out here, or any of your viewers, if you take a look at what the Ukrainians are doing,

who would have thunk it after watching Afghanistan lay down the weapons.

And these people understand and when

Zelensky was on the phone to us in the briefing on the Saturday morning that he did, the very first one, he talked about freedom and he talked about progressive government and he talked about how Ukraine wants to have that.

Those people understand the value of democracy because it may be stripped away from them.

Yeah.

Immigrants in this country always appreciate this country more than the people who were born here.

We did a whole thing on it one day when the thing was going on in Afghanistan about how they look at us like, you people have no idea, you complainers.

I mean, where do these people think they're going, first of all, who are going to flee when the Russians invade?

You think, first of all, the sense of entitlement that I guess they assume any other country would just want them.

Oh, you're an American, please come in.

You know, you have to ask.

You just can't go.

Not even Canada allows that.

I think that points to the problem.

It's like there's some poll questions that are just kind of bullshit questions, right?

Where people,

they have a very hard time trying to actually absorb.

They think it's a game in some way.

I still think you should be embarrassed if you're watching Zelensky and the Ukrainians fight off the Russians and you're asked that question, even the hypothetical, to not give that answer that you wouldn't stay and fight.

But I do think for some people, this is, I think, what Senator's talking about, is that no one has, it's the notion that our way of of lives would be threatened in a direct way by the invasion of another country, because somebody comes over here, is so foreign to people at this point.

It's been such a long time since we've had a draft or there's been conscription where you've had to go and serve, or even national service of any kind.

People are at, basically, they have that sense of entitlement, which is that democracy is my birthright.

I don't have to fight for it.

I don't have to do shit for it.

And if somebody wants to come and take it away from me,

I'll go someplace else.

And

so I don't excuse it, but I think it's become a habit of mind where people take that question and go, ah, that could never happen.

What do do you make of the 28-point difference between how Republicans and Democrats react?

Don't you think that says a lot about Democrats for so many, too many years, too many of them have been shitting on the country?

Not that I've never been a rah-rah, let's watch the blue angels kind of guy,

but I'd like to have America in perspective.

And I don't think a lot of Democrats do at this point, because of what you were saying before,

and this sense of entitlement and

no sense of history or perspective of which, yes, we have a a lot of problems in this country.

Go somewhere else and see what it's like.

I come from Montana and I'm going to tell you the people that I associate with both Republicans and Democrats,

there's not that big of a divide.

I'll go back to what John said about how the question is asked and if the same question was asked, I'll even go so far to say who is the pollster?

And did they have an agenda before the poll was even taken?

Did they have an idea on what they wanted the results to be before it happened?

No, that's a cheap judge, you guys, to question the question.

No, no, no, no, no.

Look, look,

they asked a question.

It's not that common.

Back in 2016, every pollster in this country, some of them say not now, but every pollster in this country had Hillary Clinton win in that election.

They all screwed it up.

So it ain't like pollsters can't screw up all the time.

They do.

I'll tell you what, if the Russians come and they end up in Montana, anywhere near his house in Big Sandy, the battle for Big Sandy will be won by Testra and his team.

No doubt about it.

They'll take some with me.

There are

some badasses up there in Montana.

They'll fight.

Well, okay, so let me

offer one reason why people might be unhappy with this country, because some of it has to do with economics.

I still think we should fight for it.

But, you know, when I look at these inflation numbers, 7.9% in February, that's the highest since 1982.

A lot of people were not born when we had inflation like that the last time.

Gas prices, almost 40 percent up from what they were a year ago.

That's, you know, if you need the car, that's a hourly wages only rose 5 percent.

Beef prices, I know this is important to you, I think factory farming is a crime, but we won't go there.

But beef prices are up tremendously.

I think it's because there's only four companies.

That's correct.

Is that right?

That's right.

Four companies control 84 percent of the meat supply in this country.

Okay, so what do people do

at this point?

And rents.

60 Minutes last week had a thing on rents, and I looked it up.

The national median rent was $1,792 a month.

Wow, that's a lot from when I was living in an apartment.

If you make $15 an hour, which is

a good minimum wage in this country, which is about what a third of the country make, it would take three weeks' wages just to pay your rent.

We're going to become like Moscow, where there's eight people in the apartment.

No wonder they won't fight for this country.

This has been an issue.

I know that,

I know John Tesla is going to say a lot about this, but I'll say this first.

First of all, this great, this great, incredible ice tea tweet yesterday where you said, I was robbed at a gas station in New Jersey last night.

After my hands stopped trembling, I managed to call the cops, and they were quick to respond and calm me down.

My money is gone.

The police asked me if I knew who did it.

I said, yes, it was pump number nine, which I think is a a good line.

Great line.

It's like the Democrats have been in denial about this bill.

I think this is a place where I think Senator Tester and I agree, which is like inflation is, people, again, talk about lack of memory.

People do not remember in this country what it was like to have runaway inflation and have inflation that destroyed was one of the main reasons that destroyed Jimmy Carter's presidency.

If you look around the world over the last 150 years, there is nothing that has caused Bell's political ruin more than inflation.

And you've seen Democrats for the last last year basically, oh, it's going to be fine.

It's transitory.

It's going away.

It's like, guys, it's the only thing everybody's worried about around the country.

It's like,

it's the number one issue everywhere you go.

And if Democrats don't take it seriously, and Joe Biden doesn't take it seriously, and they don't figure out a way to message it or solve it, one or the other or both, they're going to get crushed in these midterms almost exclusively on this issue.

It's so much, so far ahead of everything else.

People's not being able to pay their bills because prices are just rising and they can see them rising week to week.

That is a road, a fast road to political rule.

And standard of living dropping.

I mean, that's what happens.

I mean, people

have to take two or three jobs.

And again, what I said about living in, I mean, I know people who do this.

They have to live in a place with two or three people.

And sometimes you don't have two or three rooms.

We have seen this in other countries.

And they, you know, that word roommate, it's such a nice sounding word.

It's not a nice, no one likes a roommate.

It's another person using my bathroom.

That's what it is.

Well, I'm not, no, no, I'm not wrong about Democrats having their head with sand on this, right?

I'm not wrong about that.

I think there is, people wanted to deny that this was going on, and it's going on.

It's a big issue.

It is the number one issue, and you're right.

If there aren't some concrete things that we do in Congress to help lower inflation costs, it's going to be a tough election in November.

But the bottom line is there are a number of bills that we've done and a number of bills that we're going to do.

You mentioned one on meatpackers.

This is a big problem.

We have an opportunity to solve a problem.

It's been around for over 100 years.

So let's solve it.

Pass my bills.

They're always the best ones.

As long as I have you here, Senator, I have one minute minute to ask you a question since the Supreme Court was the big issue this week.

What about this packing the court idea?

I mean, that's the word they use for it, the term packing the court.

I'm sure it's not.

Re-branding.

It's terror.

Re-branding.

It's the worst thing.

FDR chart.

There's nothing in the Constitution that says you can't add more.

It doesn't have to be nine justices.

Obviously, the Liberals are losing.

They're getting their ass handed to them because it's six.

Even when Brown gets in on the court, it's going to be six to three.

That's right.

Are you in favor of that or not?

I'm opposed to it.

Opposed to it.

Yep.

I think if you want to change the court, elect some people that will change the court.

And those people are in Congress.

They're in the Senate.

Except that it's such a crapshoot.

It's who dies when.

So it's not a good system.

You've got to plan a little better on that.

But

the truth is, is that

where does it stop?

Okay?

Let's say you allow it, then what happens five years from now?

You could wind up with a court with the city.

Pretty soon you've got to build another building with all the court justices in it.

The truth is, do it as the elections matter.

And this is one of those places where elections matter.

A lot of people who were in Senator's position and people who are like are institutionalists, didn't want to change the court, all of that would be 100% right.

And I think I probably still on the margin agree.

But watching the way Mitch McConnell fucked the Obama administration on Merrick Garland and then rammed Amy Coney Barrett through, that was the thing that made people think, wait a minute, this isn't on the level anymore.

It's not just who wins the election.

Barack Obama will win the election.

He got a right to appoint a for justice.

He got fucked.

He changed the rules, and it was so blatant.

Yes, I think that's why people have been open, a little more open to this than they would have been before.

And there's no disagreement here?

Right.

The real question is, is did he pay a price for that?

I would say no.

Right.

Okay.

Thank you, guys.

Time for new rules.

Okay.

New rules.

Stop saying these Russian cosmonauts aboard the International Space Station purposely wore blue and yellow to show solidarity with the Ukrainian people.

Maybe they have an endorsement deal with IKEA.

Although, it did feel like they were trolling Russia when they reported the space station was bogged down in the mud.

Neural, now that Maury Povich is retiring, someone else must take over as America's paternity tester.

Because nothing makes our day quite like hearing the five most beautiful words in the English language, you are not the father.

So my hat is off to him.

And by the way, leaving your hat off is how you get in this mess in the first place.

Neural, now that stained frontman Aaron Lewis said during a concert last week, you know, as fucked up as it sounds, maybe we should listen to what Vladimir Putin is saying, someone has to ask him, whatever happened to Cleveland?

Are you ready to rock?

New rule, don't stress about Kylie Jenner and Travis Scott changing their son's name a month after he was born.

If there's a family who can handle a transition on the fly, it's Caitlin Jenners.

My only concern is the kid's new name.

You don't think it's a little too trendy to call him Wertle Zelensky?

New rule, let's stop pretending this is what airplane cabins are going to look like in the future.

Seriously, what future are you people watching?

Never mind the giant cabin for two and the conference table.

I'm not even sure we're going to have apples.

You want to see the future of flying?

It's this.

And finally, new rule, if there's one thing we've learned from the crisis in Ukraine, it's that everyone everyone loves and the world still needs grown-ass men.

Thank you.

Guys,

look, you can go on about how masculinity is itself toxic, or you can be horny for

Vladimir Zelensky, but you can't do both.

If you haven't noticed, the internet these days is filled with posts like, every woman in your life now has at least a small crush on Zelensky, and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it.

If I'm being honest, Zelensky gives me a lady boner.

Badassery is sexy as fuck, and I want to bang Zelensky.

Could it be that, as much as women may want to create the perfect man, there's always going to be a little bit of toxic mixed in with our masculinity, and no amount of training will turn us into your favorite Twilight character?

Masculinity is like coffee.

Even when you decaffeinate it, there's still a little caffeine in there.

Now, there's certainly no denying that there has been a lot of toxicity associated with men throughout history.

Oceans of brutality, all of which is horrible.

And some of which is why our species still exists on Earth.

There are brave women fighting in Ukraine, but the images of people fleeing all seem to be women and children, while every able-bodied man in Ukraine is sticking around to fight and maybe die.

It's not always a great advantage being a man.

And toxic though we may be, we do sometimes come in handy.

As much as you may not want to admit it, there's a direct correlation between all these lady boners for Zelensky and the fact that he's what people used to call a man's man.

He can't share right now.

He's killing Russians.

Turns out after 200,000 years, there's still a lot of another tribe is coming to kill us.

And when that happens, you want a little big dick energy.

People magazine's search for sexiest man of 2022 is already over.

Last year's winner was cuter, but this guy gets women actually hot.

So, maybe now would be a good time for relationship gurus to stop saying that women just want a man who will listen.

Because Zelensky, he's not just listening, he's fixing the problem.

This is something I've heard for years: that women just want a man who listens.

Don't try to fix their problems.

Put that to the test sometime.

Go over to her house tomorrow and fix her radiator.

I bet she loves it.

When there's a noise downstairs, someone has to go into the dark.

And most women, yes, still, want a man to do it.

And if he doesn't, or can't, or won't, it's not sexy.

Ooh, a guy who can't perform.

I'm melting.

No, you want the guy who says, I don't need a ride.

I need ammunition.

Because I'm John Wick.

Who you also want to fuck.

And that's why we owe such a debt of gratitude to Zelensky.

Forget making America great again.

He's making America grind again.

I'd say wives are calling out his name during sex, but they aren't because wives aren't having sex, or husbands, or singles.

Researchers have found that Americans across the board are at a 30-year low for sex.

Half of Americans don't even have it once a month.

44% of adolescent males say they don't even masturbate.

Males?

What are they afraid to touch their own dicks because a gym sock can't give consent?

Since the 1980s, American men have literally been losing their testosterone, with average levels declining by about 1% per year, along with declining sperm counts.

One in four American adults have not had any sex in the past year, and you thought California was in a drought.

The question is why?

Why this sex drought?

Well, I think the answer might be that men are such pussies now that actual pussies want nothing to do with them.

It's the result of having it drilled into us in recent years that masculinity is itself toxic and scary and unevolved and women don't like it.

And the ones who think they do, they really don't and if you think you do you're wrong too what do you know about you

I think you're probably committing a microaggression against yourself right now you owe you an apology

even the act of just asking a girl out is now seen by many younger people as overly aggressive there's a feeling that the attributes traditionally characteristic of men are inherently problematic, which sounds a lot like men are born wrong.

Type the phrase men are trash into Etsy, and you can purchase a slew of swag with that phrase on it.

When the Obama administration was trying to sell Obamacare to a skeptical nation, they made an ad featuring someone who became famous as Pajama Boy.

This is what they put out as an image of the perfect man.

The only thing he loves more than affordable health insurance is his therapy cat and Emily in Paris.

That ad might as well say, ask your doctor if chemical castration is right for you.

Women have come a long way, baby, and the vast majority of that has been long overdue and very, very positive.

But maybe, in this one way, you're a victim of your own success.

You can win the battle and lose the war if you harangue men into becoming less like us and more like you and end up with someone you have absolutely no desire to fuck.

And that's not good for either of the 71 genders we now have.

Maybe what we need these days is more sex and less gender.

Women aren't attracted to these girly men they've created.

The guy you whipped into total sensitivity isn't sexy to you anymore.

There's a special place in a woman's heart for a man who learns to suppress his masculinity.

It's called the friend zone.

And men,

this is ultimately on you.

She's not holding a gun to your head and making you a pussy.

It's always your choice.

Stop sulking.

Stop complaining that it's hard to get laid.

Oh, you poor incels.

Girls don't want to have sex with you unless you put in a little effort.

So put in a little effort, you stupid lazy fucks.

All right, that's our show.

I'll be at the Smart Financial Center in Triggerland, Texas, April 9th.

Tulsa Theater in Tulsa, April 10th, and the State Theater in Minneapolis, June 4th.

I want to thank John Hundman, John Tester, Julia Yaffe, and now go to YouTube and join us on Overtime.

Thank you, folks.

Catch all new episodes of Real Time with Bill Ma every Friday night at 10, or watch him anytime on HBO On Demand.

For more information, log on to hbo.com.