Ep. #591: Rep. Ruben Gallego (D-AZ), Bret Stephens, Chloé Valdary

Once upon a mundane morning, Barb's D got busy without warning.

A realtor in need of an open house sign.

No, 50 of them and designed before nine.

My head hurts.

Any mighty tools to help with this pike?

Aha!

Barb made her move.

She opened Canva and got in the groove.

Both creating Canva sheets.

Create 50 signs fit for suburban streets.

Done in a quick, all complete.

Sweet.

Now, imagine what your dreams can become when you put imagination to work at canva.com.

You're tuned into auto intelligence live from Auto Trader where data, tools, and your preferences sync to make your car shopping smooth.

They're searching inventory.

Oh, yeah.

They find what you need.

They're gonna find it.

They can make a budget for your wallet to help you succeed.

Pricing's precise and true.

So true.

Get smarter car shopping.

Oh, it's just for you.

Find your next ride at autotrader.com, powered by auto intelligence.

Welcome to an HBO podcast from the HBO Late Night Series, Real Time with Bill Maher.

Thank you very much.

How are you doing?

Oh, thank you.

I'm so.

Wow.

Thank you.

I appreciate that.

Thank you.

I'm so

glad you're here.

Thank you.

Okay.

Thank you.

Thank you for

putting up with everything.

The masks.

I appreciate it.

Thank you very much.

I hope this will be our last show with masks.

I think we're probably going to have hiatus next week when we come back, I think.

So that's great.

And I'm so glad you're in a good mood because a lot of heavy news, right, going on in the world now.

A lot of shit we've got to talk about tonight.

And, you know, there's war in Europe.

And,

you know, we didn't think this would happen.

But, you know, we thought it would not happen.

But Putin, god damn it, he did it.

He invaded Ukraine.

And that's the difference between Putin and a school kid in America.

With Putin, eventually the mask comes off.

We learned a lot about the Russians this week, do not make their figure skaters cry.

But I mean, you got to feel for these poor people in Ukraine.

I I mean, they are now being forced into a world they do not want any part of.

Kind of the way I feel about the metaverse.

Yeah, this

Putin, he ain't playing this motherfucker, right?

I mean, he said he had to do it because he thought that Ukraine was going to acquire WMDs.

Pathetic.

What kind of superpower makes up shit like that?

No, he's there.

Putin said the other day when he invaded, he said, if we butt in,

we're going to see consequences like we've never seen in history.

I don't know what that means, but the joke's on him because we don't know any history.

And if you don't, well, if you don't, that's what I'm here for.

And the reason why Russia is so pissed off about this and thinks they are justified to invade is because Ukraine used to be part of the Soviet Union, which fell 30 years ago,

and now Ukraine wants to join NATO, you know, and this makes Russia crazy.

Look, for those of you who only know me from the clips they show on TMZ,

and thank you, Harvey, for that.

It's like Russia is Kanye.

The Ukraine is Kim Kardashian, and

NATO is Pete Davidson.

And

it just drives Russia crazy.

Today they demanded Billie Eilish apologize to Travis Scott.

I mean, I don't know.

And it's interesting the way this war is now dividing the parties, even among themselves.

The Republicans, this is one in four Republicans.

You know who they blame?

Not Putin.

Biden.

They blame Biden.

Biden.

Biden also made them impotent.

And

he makes Mexican music play on the radio too much.

And

once a day, he dresses as a small dog and shits on their lawn.

He's a very bad guy, that Joe Biden.

Listen to this.

The things that Tucker Carlson and Trump have been saying, Russian, the Kremlin put Russian subtitles on these Americans, Trump and Tucker Carlson, and ran them right on state television as is.

I mean, that's pretty crazy.

This is the same week Trump launched, I love this, his own media app now.

It's called Truth Social.

Social because it's social media.

Truth because fuck you.

Truth social.

I love this.

This is his Twitter, yeah.

I mean, I don't even know how to describe it.

Do you ever see like a homeless nut talking to himself on the sidewalk?

Imagine if that guy could share.

And it's not exactly a dating site, but it is a great place to communicate with people who do it in all caps.

But

let's end on the positive note.

We have going to have a new Supreme Court nominee, and hopefully Justice Katanji Brown Jackson has been nominated by President Biden.

First black woman in the 231-year history of the Supreme Court.

Or as the Republicans call it, too soon.

Oh, yes, the Republicans are already raising red flags about this nomination.

Not because she's black, because she's not white.

It's a subtle difference.

It's a subtle difference, but

you know what?

That's what I love.

Politics in America.

It'll surprise you.

You know whose nomination she got?

Endorsement she got?

The fraternal order of the police.

The policemen's union.

These are the people who endorsed Trump.

Liberals were like, they went from fuck the police to fuck the police.

So look,

the confirmation fight is going to be rough as they always are, but one good sign, Clarence Thomas is already texting her about porn.

Anyway, we've got a great show.

We have Gret Stevens and Chloe Valderie.

And first up, he is a Democratic congressman from Arizona and author of They Called Us Lucky, the life and

afterlife of the Iraq War's hardest hit unit, Representative Ruben Gallego.

Okay, well you're a perfect guy to hear uh today because we're talking about war.

First off, you've been to war, you're in Iraq, you're in Harvard, and you chose to go to Iraq.

I think that's pretty didn't choose, but yeah, I got ordered.

You got ordered.

Yeah.

You were already in the uh

Marines, okay.

But, you know, Harvard, usually you can find a way out, and you didn't, you wanted to go.

Yeah, I was a poor Harvard student.

We don't really find ways out.

You go when you get told to go.

Okay.

But now you're on the Armed Services Committee.

That's right.

So Ukraine is part of your province.

Now, we're not going to send troops.

Sanctions is our biggest weapon.

But sanctions, boy, they seem to always hurt the people more than they hurt the people we're trying to hurt, which is the leadership.

So where are you on that?

Look, I do think that we have to have a certain amount of sanctions.

And yeah, it sucks that civilians are going to feel some of this.

At the same time, we need to have some type of pressure upon Putin, the oligarchs, and that regime.

But I don't actually think that's the only way we can attack this, right?

There is other ways to do this.

We should actually be giving the Ukrainians intelligence, like, hey, this is where the Russians are.

This is where you should hit them.

We should continue to give them supplies, weapons, and continue really giving them as much support we can, even if they have to get down to a resistance force.

Okay, but that army is not going to defeat the Russian army, right?

You don't need to defeat them.

You just need to really make them hurt.

And that's the history.

Can they even do that?

I mean, when I see pictures of them, their guns are made of wood.

That's what they're practicing with.

I'm not mocking them.

I mean, I feel bad for them.

I don't think we should throw them under the bus.

We can do what we can, but I don't know what we can do.

I don't know what fighting the Russian army.

is going to do except kill people, and then the Russians are going to do what they're going to do anyway.

Look, I was there in December.

I met with the Ukraine Special Forces.

I met with citizens.

These people want to fight.

They want to live.

They will fight for their independence.

You have, you just heard this amazing story about 13 men and women that decided to fight to the death instead of surrendering.

We heard about a corporal at the age of 26 decided to blow himself up and a bridge to stop the Russians from invading.

These are the type of people that want to live and they're going to do everything they can.

We need to continue to support them.

We give them the weapons, we give them the support, we give them the intelligence.

They can do this.

But does that ever work?

Where does it?

It didn't work in Vietnam.

I mean, we abandoned the Kurds.

Then you look at what happened in Afghanistan.

You know, our doctrine should be the animal house doctrine.

You fucked up.

You trusted us.

Well, at the end of the day, the question that we have to have here is, what do we morally want to do here?

Are we really going to allow another country, another democratic country which has chosen to be a democracy to be run over by these thugs?

This is not some normal country.

Putin has literally poisoned people.

He's shot down airliners.

No one thinks he's a good guy.

Well, actually, some people on Fox News do.

Yeah.

Some people on Fox.

Some of my colleagues do, yeah.

Yeah, some of the colleagues do.

It's amazing.

Look,

here's the thing.

I get what you're saying.

We have had our bad moments.

We have not been a perfect country.

But that does not excuse us from doing what is right right now.

That is backing a democracy that wants to defend itself.

I couldn't agree more.

I'm just trying to be real about what is the end game.

What can really be accomplished?

I mean, if we are not going to send the troops, and even when we did send troops, we didn't seem to do that well in places like Afghanistan and Vietnam.

We didn't win those wars.

Look, I fought an insurgency.

I understand you.

I know how it is.

Believe me, I have the greatest respect for that.

But this is what we need them to be doing.

We need them to fight their insurgency.

And we shouldn't be afraid to back freedom fighters.

We shouldn't be afraid of people that want to fight for freedom, fight for the family.

This is the one area where we can actually say there is right and there is wrong.

That country,

Vlad Raputin, is a bad man.

He's an evil man, and we are backing the right people.

So is Saddam Hussein.

There's just a lot of bad men.

It's Kim Jong-un.

I mean, the bad men in the world.

And there are some times where we have to understand that, yes, we messed up.

It does not excuse us morally from not doing the right thing right.

So what do you think about this is the

state of the

Biden's first State of the Union speech is coming up.

Yep.

What do you think is the state of the Union?

Look.

I think this country is on a recovery.

We have to admit things have not been great.

People really have felt this kind of overwhelming kind of grayness because of COVID, but we're coming out of it.

Unfortunately, I'm here probably the last day where we still have to wear a mask.

But people are going to feel, I think, a little more updated.

Well, they have to wear a mask.

They have to wear it as well.

We're the elites.

We're the elites.

We don't have to wear masks.

Exactly.

The virus knows whose mouth we're doing.

Like when you're in a restaurant.

It's crazy.

You have to wear masks.

But no, but we need to, we need to do that.

When you're standing, when you're standing at King George.

We need to accept.

accept.

But what we need to do is now we need to accept victory.

We've beaten COVID.

Time to take off the mask.

Time we're going to get back to life.

Let's open up our businesses and let's everyone go back to having as normal as a life as we can.

It's okay to succeed.

It's okay for us to say we have moved on from COVID.

I think there's some people that are still afraid of doing that.

But we can't continue living this life.

This is not the way Americans are meant to live.

And I think we can sense that right now.

You're preaching my prayer book, brother.

I don't think you pray, though.

No, I don't.

Okay, so that's the state of the union.

What about the state of the party, the Democratic Party, your party?

Now, I read recently that if you ran against Kirsten Sinema

for the Senate, that's your state.

You're the congressman from there, she's a senator, that you would beat her in a primary 74 to 16 was the number I saw.

You don't see those kind of numbers often in politics.

That's sort of begging you to do it.

I've been training for this.

Let's see.

It's just a cold cock stone wall there, right?

Just like, no, nothing.

You're not going to give me anything on that.

All right, well,

so if I do it, how much could I put you down for?

All right.

Ever since I gave that million to Obama, boy, they've got that.

They've never been.

Trust me, my fundraisers gave me the memo.

If you give me a straight answer now, I'll give you the full what I can give you.

It's not a million bucks.

I'm pretty sure we just violated a bunch of FEC laws.

But look, I'm going to focus on 2022.

I got to make sure my state turns out.

And that's what I do in my state, and that's what I've been doing for the last couple of years.

I don't know what laws we violated, but I must say,

some of your tweets.

Oh, Lord.

I really can't even blame staff.

Those are my tweets, yeah.

Right.

Look,

people have called me a potty mouth my whole life.

I've been known to swear once a week.

But I'm a comic.

You know, you're a congressman.

I mean, you respond.

Hey, some comics are presidents of countries right now.

That's right.

And doing quite well.

Right.

But, like, you responded to a Russian route.

I'm sorry you have me confused with some other politician that gives a fuck what you think.

I'd like to point out, I actually edited that tweet to take at least one swear word.

So

there's some credit here.

Ted Cruz, you said you finally stand up to somebody.

Where was that spine when Trump went after your wife?

By the way, your balls aren't in a jar in Cancun if you're looking for them.

Never mind.

I was going to ask you why you do it, but obviously it's very popular.

But it is very different from what we used to see

decorum from a politician.

And when Trump, you know, when Trump talked like this, you know, liberals, he was all, he was the bad guy.

But it's just the way people are now.

I mean, trust me, I'm not again it.

Well, I would say this, like, I don't go looking for fights, but I'm not afraid of a fight.

Right.

And every time someone is, you know, if you see them ever reacting to Twitter or anything else in life, it's because someone decided to come at me.

And I'm not that type type of person who just backs down.

I mean, you're the guy, I've quoted you on this show a number of times because you've been talking about this term Latinx,

which

sounds, I don't know what it sounds like.

It's something that white liberals made up, right?

It's something that's used largely by white liberals and small amount of Latinos, but largely it's to satisfy white liberals, not necessarily doing it.

Now, there are some people that

stop doing this because we have polling on it, and like an extraordinary number, sometimes up to 99% of Latinos either don't know it or when they hear it, don't like it.

Are offended by it, yeah.

Right.

Well, it's just, it's think about it this way.

Like, I had a little marketing firm when I was a little, uh, way younger.

If I was working for a firm and I said, I'm going to use this term that only 3% of the population identify with, and 40% of the population hate, that firm would probably get rid of me because, like, what are you doing?

How are you actually reaching out to people?

Why are you even reaching out to people in this way?

For some reason, the laws of gravity and rationality have skipped when it comes to Latinos.

You know, I'm being told, you know, a language that I had to, you know, forget in order for me to learn English.

Spanish was actually my first language, and I was told to forget Spanish so I could learn English.

It's something that they did back in the day.

I was made to feel embarrassed because I spoke Spanish.

I mean, kids used to make fun of me because I used to have a Spanish accent.

And now I'm being told that my language is wrong and my thinking about my language is wrong.

I don't need to hear that.

I love my culture.

My language is part of my culture, and I'm not going to have someone change that.

I respect that.

I think

Latinx offends you in that.

That's how it offends me.

Now, if someone says to me, that's what I prefer to be identified as, I will do that because I'm not an asshole.

You tell me how you want to be identified, I will do that.

But just don't throw this blanket on a culture that is now longer than 600 years on this continent that we somehow are wrong because we have chosen to basically stick to something that we've known for 600 years.

Don't you understand when white people know what's better for you than

what don't you get about it?

All right,

last question, it says, if we're longer on the subject of Latinos, that if there was a race between Biden and Trump now, it looks like the polls are saying, but evenly divided.

That he has lost more, Biden has lost more Hispanic numbers than any other group.

What's going on there?

Well, I mean, we'll have to look at all the points, but here's my theory on this.

And Latinos, we're working class.

We care about our families.

We care about getting back to work, starting a business.

We're aspirational.

We want to be rich someday.

So, number one, they will identify with a rich person like Donald Trump.

And that's America.

We love, you know, we want to be part of that.

Number two, because we are usually the first to be fired and the last to be hired, we're the first ones to lose our houses and we're the last ones to get our houses back, when COVID hits, it hits us hard and it throws us into, you know, a quagmire.

We can't afford to pay for our family and that's a pride issue.

When men and women can't bring food home and can't bring the American dream home to their families, it really impacts them.

And I think that's not just Latinos, that's Americans in general.

We are going to get out of this.

You know, the unemployment rate is finally dipping to a level that actually it's affecting Latinos.

We're going to start our businesses again and we're going to become the rich Americans we want to become.

I think that's where we're going.

Hope you're first in line with us.

Back to meet you, sir.

We're back to doing what you're doing.

So

Ben Diego, let's meet our panel.

Hey.

It's cool, huh?

All right.

Here they are.

The columnist for the New York Times.

I'd love to read.

Brett Stevens, right over there, not the only one,

but one of my favorites.

Well, Maureen Dowd is my favorite.

They're close to the Canara.

She's the founder of

Theory of Enchantment, a host of the podcast, The Heart Speaks with Chloe Valdery.

Chloe Valdery is right over here.

Great to meet you.

Okay, so we're going to talk about Russia.

I know.

We're talking about the Supreme Court.

I want to start with CPAC.

This always amuses me every year.

I don't know if people know what CPAC is.

It sounds like a course of antibiotics, but

it's the

conservative.

It's the opposite of antibiotics.

Well, it's anti-life.

Well, actually, it's pro-life, whatever it is.

It's like a convention, right?

It's where Republicans, if you're a conservative and you want to make your bones in the Republican Party, you got to score at CPAC.

This year, the speakers, Glenn Beck, Ted Cruz, Jim Jordan, Marjorie Taylor Green, Lauren Bobert, Papa John,

Donald Trump Jr.

I mean, it is a Woodstock of the mentally impaired.

Well, I mean, in a nice way.

I'm not being mean.

Anyway, I looked at, I'm just

the reason I'm bringing it is I feel like it's emblematic of where the country is, and we're going to measure this by the party.

Here are five of their seminars, their big events.

Fighting Woke Inc., Obamacare Still Kills, The truth about January 6th.

Sex changes aren't for kids.

Lock her up for real.

That's where this party is.

I look at that list.

I say, three of those things are total batshit crazy.

The problem is that two of them have a kernel of truth in it.

You agree?

Well, that's, I mean, but that's the stock and trade of every demagogue, which isn't that they're absolutely wrong.

It's that they are giving you half the truth, and that's why they're dangerous, because they have a whole...

I wouldn't say half.

Well, okay, I'll give it a third, but this was how Trump operated.

Trump was playing on real issues that people cared about, and that a lot of the elites were ignoring.

One of them was immigration, for example.

urban decay and so on.

But his solutions were vile and evil.

So you have to be, if you are the opposition party, you can't be giving those gifts to the demagogues in American politics.

And that, unfortunately, has been the relationship in the last few years between the Democrats and the Republicans.

So we agree Obamacare still kills.

That's wrong, right?

Well, I think that's the thing.

But Obamacare is doing better than ever, actually.

And in a pandemic, it was really a lifesaver for a lot of people.

Exactly, exactly.

Yeah.

But I think one of the issues here,

I don't think the majority of the American people are actually with CPAC.

83% of Americans are totally dissatisfied with the direction that the nation is going.

And I think that's in part because we're exhausted by the polarization.

We're exhausted by this mudslinging attitude that characterizes our politics at the moment.

And especially coming out of COVID-19, where there are all these byproducts in mental health, right?

We are suffering as a nation from things like depression and the feeling of loneliness and feeling disconnected.

And

it's

precisely in an environment like that where demagogues can come in and exploit the insecurities of people and turn people against each other.

So if there was ever a time for us to denounce that kind of rhetoric and also to try to stand for unity and reaching across the aisle and seeing each other, dare I say it as brothers and sisters, even though we don't always agree politically, I think now is the time for that kind of vision.

On a slightly more sour note,

CPAC is definitely not the American people.

I used to think years ago that it was not the Republican Party.

I thought it was the monkey show.

Turns out it is the Republican Party.

The monkey show is the party.

Right.

And that's about half the country.

The half that's going to win big in the next election.

So just let me keep going.

So Obamacare still killed.

That's one of my, okay, crazy just the truth about January 6th.

What they think is the truth is the opposite of the truth.

Right, okay.

Somehow in their view, the cops were the bad guys.

Right.

The law and order people, the cops are the bad guys, and the rioters were just innocent victims.

And then lock her up for real.

I didn't even know where to start with this one because, I mean, we just found out recently Trump's security breaches.

So much worse than her emails.

So lock her up.

Okay, so again, not half, three-fifths of your platform, you're crazy, crazy.

But then there's fighting woke.

Now,

woke is sort of an eye roll.

Yeah, woke is the progressive gift to the Republican Party.

If we mean the original definition, alerting people to injustice, I think we're all for that.

But when it veers off into the insane shit, this is where, oh, now you got your hook in.

Right.

So that's one.

And then, like, sex changes aren't for kids.

Well, that's a little broad.

But

again, this is where you get people because

it is kind of new.

We sometimes do kind of go to the bullpen early on changing a kid's, you know, we're bringing in the lefty.

Really?

At three?

Sure.

You know, this is new stuff.

And they act like if we just debate it, that itself makes you a bigot.

Just debating it, you're phobic.

And it's like, no, this is new stuff.

It involves children.

We get to talk about it.

So.

But it would be.

This is actually the responsibility, but also the opportunity of the sane, I believe sane majority of the Democratic Party to speak up.

And the problem you have now with the Democrats is that majority is cowed.

They're not woke, right?

They have questions, serious questions, the ones you just raised, about

sex changes

in minors, right?

But they're terrified of speaking up because social media will crush them.

They will be defenestrated.

They'll be humiliated.

They'll be made to apologize.

And by the way, CPAC will have its issues.

Right.

Well, I mentioned to Ruben that State of the Union is coming up.

Okay.

So

speaking of what the Democrats do, they're having Rashida Tlaib

issue a, what looks to me like a rebuttal.

It comes after the State of the Union speech.

Now, I've always seen the opposition party give a rebuttal.

This is from the same party.

This is like sacking your own quarterback.

I know, now, maybe she's going to say some nice things about Joe, but basically it's to present, they said,

articulate a progressive vision for how we, as opposed to what?

Joe Biden, Mussolini?

I mean,

first of all, bad idea, right, for the Democrats?

I don't know if it's a bad idea.

On the one hand, you want to show a unified front as a party.

On the other hand, one of the problems with the Republican Party is they actually don't hold their party's feet to the fire, right?

They're spending 85% of their time attacking their ideological opponents instead of making their party be everything that it could be.

So I think there is something to be said about

an aspect of the party

challenging, Democrats challenging the Democrats in order to make the Democrats be better.

That being said, the piece of advice that I would give to her is to avoid falling into the same us versus them rhetoric, right?

Because I think she will be tempted to do that, and she will attack members of her own party, and that could backfire.

She's very us versus them, I remember, because she's one of the squad members.

And I remember we talked about on this show one night, BDS, which is the boycott that some people want to do against Israel.

Yeah.

Because Israel somehow got to be the Nazis.

I don't know how that happened.

It didn't, but that's what they say.

And I said, no, that BDS is a bunch of bullshit.

I think you would agree with that.

I would.

Yes, I know you would.

And then

Rashida Talib called for me to be boycotted.

So, like, I was saying we shouldn't boycott, and then

her answer was, we're going to boycott you.

See, so when people say, you know, why are you so hard on the left these days, bullshit like that is.

You know what?

We have a different opinion.

We have a different opinion about this issue called BDS

and you want to just boycott it.

That's the difference between the Democratic and the Republican Party, which is the Democrats are hostage to their crazy minority and the Republicans are hostage to their crazy majority.

Right.

Did you write that already?

I just came up with that.

Really?

Put it in a collab.

It's good.

Okay, so let's talk about our new Supreme Court Justice Katanji Brown Jackson.

I was

surprised.

It took Biden a long time to come up with the name.

I guess he just wanted to do his due diligence.

She seems incredibly qualified.

I don't know why it had to be such a big deal to say, you why couldn't he have just said, I'm going to look at everybody

and then pick a black woman?

You know, because this way, this astounding poll that I saw, it was a reliable poll, 76% of Americans wanted Biden to consider all possible choices.

They didn't like that, including only 28%.

of non-white Americans wanted Biden to consider only black women.

That shocked me.

But then I read this article this week from Galston and Comrade, well, about them.

They're the two old Democratic hands who do polling.

They've done it for 30 years, analyzed the party, and they said the Democrats suffer from three big myths.

And the first one was that people of color all think alike.

Correct.

Is that correct?

Didn't you know we all think alike?

We all have the same skin color, so we magically come to the same conclusion about everything.

It's almost more racist thinking that way, isn't it?

I mean,

it's one of those that really works its way around.

That's exactly right.

So the other

three myths, the second one was that there's going to be a big progressive takeover

and they're going to take over the party.

And I don't know if that's in the works that we heard about a blue wave before and it didn't materialize.

Well, it's an interesting thing because

I was worried about Biden's

decision to pre-announce the race and gender of the nominee.

I thought thought the Democrats have a problem being seen as a party that's sort of hyper-racialized everything.

I now think I've somewhat changed my mind, not on the principle, but on the politics.

I think Republicans are going to look very ugly and stupid if they come out

demeaning and demagoguing what so far seems to me a totally qualified candidate who should be, who should be, barring some incredible disclosure, she should be confirmed 100 to zero.

And we already

have someone who doesn't agree with probably a lot of the positions.

A hundred to zero.

But we already have an example of that, right?

Lindsay Graham tweeted out this morning that her nomination is an example of a win for the radical left.

Meanwhile, he actually confirmed her in the

DC court.

He actually voted for her confirmation.

So you see this automatic, oh, the enemy of my enemy enemy is.

Lindsay sees a lot of things both ways.

You'll leave it on the side.

All right, so I mentioned we are

getting in trouble for that.

We're going on, we're taking, I can't believe this year has gone so fast.

We're up to our first hiatus.

I feel like I just got back from Hawaii and it was Valentine's Day.

Yeah.

And it was actually a month and a half.

Okay, so, you know, when life goes by this fast, I always like to do one of of our favorite departments here on the show called, I don't know it for a fact, I just know it's true.

Because

life is just

so much of life is just like that.

You can't know what's real these days, but some things I just know are true.

Like, here's our edition tonight.

I don't know for a fact that when Ghelane Maxwell tells her prison guards, see you in the morning, they say, we'll see.

I just know it's true.

I don't know it for a fact.

I don't know for a fact that every single person who thought there was a cosmic significance in the day 2, 22, 22, is also an aromatherapist on their third marriage.

I don't know for a fact that the year's Oscars death montage this year will include the Oscars.

I don't know for a fact that during next week's State of the Union, Joe Biden will say something no human could possibly disagree with, but every Republican will sit there and look at him like he just farted.

I just know it's true.

That's all right.

Thank you.

I don't need your pity.

Well, sometimes I will need your pity.

Keep doing that.

I don't know for a fact that despite what the ad on Pornhub says, there aren't actually hot milks in my area who want to fuck right now.

I just know know it's true.

I don't know for a fact that vegan toilet paper is the fancy phrase for your hand.

I just know it's true.

And I don't know for a fact that the person at Starbucks who says the wrong name on the cup knows damn well what the name really says.

All right.

So

what do you

twice the ever do that?

What are we niggas about?

Okay, so now let's talk about Ukraine.

I mean, it is pretty sad to watch what's going on.

And I must say, I've heard this before about, oh, this is the worst thing that happened in Europe since World War II.

Well, I heard that about the Balkan War.

It's, you know, but it's similar, and it's heartbreaking.

The question, as I was asking the congressman, is, if we're not going to send troops,

And the sanctions are going to hurt the people

more than they're going to hurt Putin because I mean I saw that in Cuba we've seen that in Iran Afghanistan is starving now the people in Afghanistan is starving and that's a lot of because of the way we're squeezing the regime what is the answer because I sure don't know

well first of all we should do everything in our power to help brave Ukrainian people stand up for their freedom and their independence and that should be a moral absolute in this country.

If people can't see that, maybe Tucker Carlson and others can't see that, then they're losing sight of what democracy is.

So there's a moral question.

But it's not.

It shouldn't end at sanctions because Putin isn't going to end in Ukraine.

All right?

I don't want to make the Hitler analogy, but this is Czechoslovakia in 1938.

He has just,

well, no, he's.

The question is, is Putin Hitler?

Is he strong enough to be Hitler?

Because I understand it's always easy to go to the now, and you're right.

A dictator in Europe who's biting off little pieces of a country.

Now, Hitler did it quickly.

This guy took Georgia in 2008, Crimea in 2014.

We'll be using Bitcoin on Mars before he gets to Paris.

Are you sure?

Well, I'm just saying...

This is not exactly a blitz, Krieg, if he's taking over Europe this slow.

I don't want him to take over Europe.

I'm just saying, if you bring out the Hitler analogy, behind that has to be the idea that Putin and his country are as strong as Germany and the Wehrmacht in 1938, and this is their intent.

Is Putin, is he going to take Poland?

But they will be strong if our stance is to do nothing.

And our stance has been to do nothing for a very long time, essentially.

For the past 20 years, actually.

I mean, this is obviously nothing.

Nothing about this particular.

About the different moves that Putin has made to signal to the the international order that if we don't stop him, he will continue to try to resurrect pieces of the Soviet Empire.

He's been on the record in saying that this is his vision.

And so I don't know if I personally would automatically say that troops are off the table.

This may very well be a harbinger.

You would send American troops to the Ukraine.

I don't know that I would send them to Ukraine specifically, but I

but I wouldn't I wouldn't you know, we're already sending troops to Poland right that's already happening we just sent 7,000 troops to Poland and so I would be careful with signaling to Putin that we will do nothing militarily to stop him because why wouldn't that just encourage him to continue doing what he's doing

the Bush administration made some statements.

We basically did nothing.

So he invaded Crimea in 2014.

The Obama administration made a few statements.

They basically did nothing.

So then he invaded and started a war that killed 13,000 people in eastern Ukraine.

We did nothing.

Now he's invaded

Ukraine as a whole.

Maybe he's going to have an Anschluss with Belarus.

Maybe he's going to talk about Russian populations that still exist in the Baltic states and how they're being oppressed.

He can have a provocation.

He can use his intelligence services

to stir the pot.

At some point, if you don't stand up to characters like Putin, you are letting down.

Never mind the Ukrainian.

Either you're going to send American troops or you're just fucking talking.

This is what I feel.

It's like, it's so easy.

Yes, morally, I agree.

Morally, we stand with the people.

But what are we really doing?

The Soviet Union came down because we didn't send American troops, but we sent Stinger missiles to Afghanistan and we humiliated them in Afghanistan.

So we are

Russia.

But that's not why the Soviet Union fell.

It had a hell of an effect on the collapse of the Soviet Union.

The Soviet Union fell because communism was a system that was going to impoverish the country.

Communism is a system that still operates in North Korea.

We should do

it.

But there's not going to be a silver bullet.

We are going to have to sanction their oligarchs.

We're going to have to kick them out of their mansions in London.

We're going to have to send NATO U.S.

troops to frontline NATO states and eventually some accumulation of this.

And we're going to have to expose Putin's corrupt wealth.

And at some point, the Russians will see their heads swindled by their leadership.

I have been a very

vocal critic of cryptocurrency on this show.

I don't believe in it.

I think it's a Ponzi scheme.

I don't think anybody really understands it.

It has no product behind it.

It is

incredibly horrible for the environment.

And I get some dirty looks at dinner parties or in restaurants from people who are big, you know, millennials who are big into crypto, and you just don't get it.

And then I ask them about the environment.

They've never heard of the fact that it uses more energy than some whole countries.

Yeah, that's true.

The other thing that's so shitty about cryptocurrency is that this is how people like Putin are going to avoid being affected by sanctions.

They can put cryptocurrency, you can't sanction cryptocurrency.

And there's a lot of money moving into it.

I think El Salvador uses it as their official currency now.

This is going to help people like Putin evade

the

come-up ins that we are talking about having him come up to.

Well, I will say, listen, I am one of those millennials who has no idea how cryptocurrency works.

No one does.

But I will say

my

very brief understanding is that cryptocurrency is a tool.

It could be used for good or evil.

Yes, the Russians are using it, but the Ukrainians are also using it.

$4.1 million has, and sorry, not dollars, cryptocurrency, Bitcoin has already been

added to the Ukrainian military.

Oh, that'll stop.

Listen, that's what it is.

I'm just saying, I'm just saying both both are using it.

And I don't think the infrastructure for crypto is at scale for Russia to be able to actually avoid crippling sanctions.

But if it's a bogus currency, as you've you've suggested, and I agree with you, and if the Russians want to move heavily into Bitcoin, I say let them do it.

I don't know what.

If it is a Kanza scheme that is not backed up

by sovereign power, has no insurance, is just basically a piece of imagination and code, then

Vladimir, let me steer you to a new investment.

Until it crosses.

The Republicans have been sort of like flirting with Russia for quite a while now, which is so interesting to me because when we were young, I mean, the Republican Party was so anti-Russia.

I mean, that's how Ronald Reagan became a hero, the evil empire and all that.

And we did an editorial on the show a few years ago about why did this flip so badly?

And I showed some quotes from people, and I'd like to show them now.

Ann Coulter said, in 20 years, Russia will be the only country that is recognizably European.

Matt Drudge, Putin is the leader of the free world.

And I think they all got this from David Duke back in 2004.

He said, Russia is the key to white survival.

And that was the point I was trying to make that night.

And I'm wondering if you could weigh in on this, that

the world has become a lot more diverse.

I talked about how the fact that when I was in the first time I went to London in the 1980s, it was a completely white city.

And now it's a beautiful, diverse city.

Russia is the one place in the world that says yet to diversity.

They, you know, and

I close it by saying, you know, it's the Russ, the Republicans don't see meddling in our election as a bad thing.

They see it as white people helping white people.

And they are just the people who are afraid of a diverse world.

Russia is their savior country.

So I think it's actually a little bit more complicated than that.

I think what's going on is that the Republicans are unconsciously, maybe consciously, imitating wokeness.

Because if you really unpack wokeness,

wokeness fundamentally disrespects the sanctity and the sacredness of the individual.

It assumes the lived experiences of people based upon skin color.

It encourages the segregation of people based upon skin color.

The Republicans, in many ways, are responding in kind, and they're imitating that kind of woke

sentiment.

And so

If we want that to stop, it is incumbent, it is even more incumbent upon the Democrats to get their act together and say no to elements of that because the Republican Party is seeing that as something with which to gain power and to gain influence.

And so I think in many ways there's an imitation going on here.

And

this is Joe Biden.

I think that's such an important insight.

It's also Joe Biden's opportunity to turn around his presidency and to remind us he is the leader of the free world and the free world means something.

And one of the things it means is an open society, open to people of every background and skin color and ethnicity and religion.

And he is going to champion that world against all enemies, foreign and domestic, the greatest enemies foreign being Mr.

Xi in China and Mr.

Putin in Russia, and domestic enemies who want to tear this country apart and turn it into a facsimile of what they imagine Russia to be.

All right.

A little bit of that.

Well said.

Thank you.

Very enlightening.

All right, time for new rules, everybody.

New rules.

Okay.

New rule, yes, it's fun to blame Biden for everything, but if Russia invading Ukraine causes gas to go up to six bucks a gallon, at least put Putin on that stupid sticker.

And never forget who cupped his balls.

Where'd that picture picture go?

New world, protesters must get back to carrying signs that tell us what they're protesting because it's so hard to tell anymore.

These folks walking across a London street in their skibbies are suing the city for charging a fee to swim in a local pond.

But this doesn't say protesting new fee.

It says worst Beatles cover band ever.

Dural, if we can put Rich Randoz in space, scientists have to make a power window that stops moving when I stop pushing the button.

Up, down, up, down, one more inch, one less.

I'm not looking for your G-spot.

I just want to get the pot smell out of the rental car.

New romantic comedies have to stop ordering me around.

Why are the titles always direct commands?

This month it's Marry Me.

But go back through the years and you'll see we've also had Kiss Me, Kiss Me Again, Shut Up and Kiss Me, Kiss Me for Christmas, Meet Me at Christmas, Marry Me at Christmas, Marry Me for Christmas, Marry Me This Christmas,

Take Me Somewhere Nice, Take Me Tonight, Surprise Me, Remember me, Dance with me.

Stay with me.

Sleep with me.

Talk to me.

Touch me.

And lie to me.

Here's my movie.

No.

What happened to that picture?

Where's the picture?

Okay.

I don't know what's going on up there.

I don't want to sound too harsh, but maybe you wouldn't be single if you weren't so bossy.

Okay.

New rule, this new product.

Oh, there it is.

20 minutes early.

This new product called the Satisfier Heated Masturbator for Men has to look less like a regular household appliance.

Make it pink or bedazzle it, something.

With lots of people still stuck at home, the last thing we need to hear is, Mom, Dad got his dick stuck in Alexa again.

And finally, new rule now that Trump's poll numbers.

Oh, and we're

who is stoned in the booth tonight?

Is my question.

What the joint turn

now that Trump's poll numbers are falling like a rock, Democrats must realize that the way to get his voters back is through graciousness.

A rare opportunity is presenting itself these days for America to return to the more

normal time we knew before Trump, because finally there are signs that the Trump fever is starting to break.

Attendance is down at his

rallies, and his press release brain farts don't make news like his tweets once did.

When he brays for attention now, it feels like Madonna singing, bitch, I'm Madonna.

If you have to say it, maybe you ain't it anymore.

And look at these recent poll numbers.

In October 2020, 54% of Republicans said they were more loyal to Trump than the party, and only 38% chose the party over Trump.

Now, those numbers have essentially flipped.

Okay, this all can't be coming from the raw animal magnetism of Mitch McConnell.

Trump has fallen 26 points among white Republicans without a college degree, down 21 among conservative Republicans, 18 among Republican men, 23 among Republicans over 65,

down 19 among white evangelicals.

That is a description of the very people who made him a star in politics: men, people over 65, Jesus freaks, and white guys who didn't go to college.

I like the poorly educated.

You saw that, right?

Thank you, Big.

Bloggy, it's not me who's down.

One of us is counted, and it's me or the booth.

I don't know.

But more and more,

even the poorly educated, are looking at Trump the way Leah Remedy looked at Scientology

with a mixture of anger and what the fuck was I thinking?

Even the QAnon shaman is now saying he was duped by Trump.

The outfit, he's got to own that one himself.

Let's just start with copying the rules.

It's going to be.

Well, I guess there's no choice now.

I think it's going to be Ray Gotta.

We've got to do it.

We can do it.

We're not live.

Let's make it fucking awesome.

From the beginning of new rules?

Yeah, because there's those two new rules that have to be done.

But they've already heard the jokes.

They're going to let it

Sorry.

All right, that thing before I said about I don't need your pity.

Completely forget that.

Was the show good up until then, though?

Okay, good.

It's time for new rules.

Okay.

Okay, new rule.

Yes, it's fun to blame Biden for everything, but if Russia invading Ukraine causes gas to go up to six bucks a gallon, at least put Putin on that stupid sticker.

And don't forget who cupped his balls.

Never all protesters must get back to carrying signs that tell us what they're protesting because it's so hard to tell anymore.

These folks walking across a London street in their skibbies are suing the city for charging a fee to swim in a local pond, but this doesn't say protesting new fee.

It says worst Beatles cover band ever.

New rule, if we can put Rich Randos in space, scientists have to make a power window that stops moving when I stop pushing the button.

Up, down, up, down.

One more inch, one less.

I'm not looking for your G-spot.

I just want to get the pot smell out of the rental car.

New rule, romantic comedies have to stop ordering me around.

Why are the titles always direct commands?

This month it's marry me.

But go back through the years and you'll see we've also had kiss me, kiss me again,

shut up and kiss me, kiss me for Christmas, meet Meet me at Christmas.

Marry me at Christmas.

Marry me for Christmas.

Marry me this Christmas.

Take me somewhere nice.

Take me home tonight.

Surprise me.

Remember me.

Dance with me.

Stay with me.

Sleep with me.

Talk to me.

Touch me.

And lie to me.

Here's my movie.

No.

I don't want this to sound harsh, but maybe you wouldn't be single if you weren't so bossy.

Makes sense when you put it all together.

Neural, yeah, Neurol, this new product called the Satisfier Heated Masturbator for Men.

Has to look less like a regular household appliance.

Make it pink, bedazzle it, something.

With lots of people still stuck at home, the last thing we need to hear is, mom, dad got his dick stuck in Alexa again.

I'm so proud of my vote.

And finally, new rule, now that Trump's poll numbers are falling like a rock, Democrats must realize that the way to get his voters back is through graciousness.

Yeah, a rare opportunity is presenting itself itself these days for America to return to the more normal time before we had Trump because finally there are signs that the Trump fever is starting to break.

Attendance is down at his rallies, and his press-release brain farts don't make news like they once did with the tweets.

When he brays for attention, now it feels like Madonna singing, Bitch, I'm Madonna.

If you have to say it, maybe you ain't it anymore.

anymore.

Look at these recent poll numbers.

In October 2020, 54% of Republicans said they were more loyal to Trump than the party, and only 38% chose the party over Trump.

Well, now those numbers have essentially flipped.

Okay, this can't all be coming from the raw animal magnetism of Mitch McConnell.

Trump has fallen 26 points among white Republicans without a college degree, down 21 among conservative Republicans, 18 among Republican men, 23 among Republicans over 65, down 19 among white evangelicals.

Okay, that is a description of the very people who made him a star in politics.

Men, people over 65, Jesus freaks, and white guys who didn't go to college.

I love the poorly educated.

But more and more, even the poorly educated are looking at Trump the way Leah Remini looked at Scientology

with a mixture of anger and what the fuck was I thinking?

Even the QAnon shaman is now saying he was duped by Trump.

The outfit, he has to own that himself.

Two-thirds of Republicans now even approve of Mike Pence certifying the electoral votes, which is why it's so important that we heard someone like Nancy Pelosi stating unequivocally that the January 6th Capitol riot was a violent insurrection for the purpose of trying to prevent the peaceful transfer of power after a legitimately certified election.

Oh,

wait, Nancy Pelosi didn't say that.

Mitch McConnell said that.

It was a violent insurrection

for the purpose of trying to prevent the peaceful transfer of power after a legitimately certified election.

And Mike Pence said.

President Trump is wrong.

I had no right to overturn the election.

Okay, something must be shifting if gutless wonders like Pence and McConnell

are daring to say out loud, finally, that the emperor has no clue.

Barack Obama was once asked in an interview by Jerry Seinfeld, what sport is politics most like?

And Obama said football.

Because there's a lot of hitting, a lot of attrition, you have to punt a lot, but once in a while, a hole opens up in the line, and you have an opportunity to run through it and gain ground.

This is that opportunity.

This is that hole in the line opening up.

The question now really is for Democrats.

How are you going to handle that?

Trump's bond with his supporters is hatred for people they think look down on them.

Now that these supporters are wavering, let's not nudge them back into Trump's embrace by showing no graciousness.

The Democrats' own committee responsible for getting Democrats elected this November is telling their candidates, you are losing because you come off as preachy and judgmental.

So sure, the temptation will be to humiliate Republican voters who are now finally coming to their senses about Trump, to shame them, call them deplorable, and say, what were you thinking, you stupid fuck?

I'm saying, don't do that.

Don't do that.

Don't do that.

I know it's, I made it sound good, but don't do it.

Don't do that.

That will drive them right back into Trump's arms.

Look, we've all had a friend who's dated a psycho.

And when they come to their senses, the last thing they want to talk about is how they dated a psycho.

It took Trump voters a long time to make it all the way down the MAGA rabbit hole.

To jump on them the second they poked their head out would ensure many more years of political winter.

Instead of saying, Nice work, you stupid racist shit kicker,

maybe try, hey, how you been?

Welcome back to the wonderful world of reality.

You got taken by a salesman.

Happens to all of us.

And don't

and don't talk politics at all.

Just say, I don't know, how about that Yellowstone show, huh?

Little things, little things that'll make them think, hey, maybe Democrats don't all eat babies.

Provide a face-saving path for them to become traditional indoor Republicans again.

Like the greatest Republican of all, Abraham Lincoln did when he said after the Civil War, with malice toward none, with charity for all.

When Lincoln

When Lincoln defeated the South, he didn't dance on their graves.

When he visited the front lines near the end of the war, he comforted the wounded on both sides.

He didn't humiliate them.

He told his generals, let them go home.

Let them have their horses to plow with and their guns to shoot crows.

Lincoln's approach was the one Truman adopted after World War II, and today Germany and Japan are peaceful, prosperous allies.

Similar policies were instituted in South Africa.

after apartheid and Rwanda after the genocide there.

It is a lesson Woodrow Wilson forgot at the end of World War I when the Allies chose to humiliate Germany and gave the world Hitler.

It's a lesson that perhaps America forgot when the Soviet Union fell and we continued to treat Russia as an enemy to be contained and not a new friend to be welcomed in.

In

Japan, after World War II, we staged wrestling matches between Japanese and American wrestlers and we made sure to sometimes make the American the bad guy, which was a huge morale boost to the Japanese people.

And in fact, made the matches so popular they almost single-handedly jump-started Japan's television industry, which led them to becoming the economic powerhouse they are today.

So, even though we dropped nuclear bombs on them, somehow much was forgotten simply by letting their wrestler kick our wrestler in the nuts.

We need hugs, not smugs.

And if that means having to swallow the impulse to say, I told you so, and take a couple of fake kicks to the groin, well then I regret that I have but two nuts to give for my country.

Thank you.

That is our show.

We are off next week.

Back on the 11th, I'll be at the Borgata in Latinx City, April 30th, at the MGM National Harbor in Washington, D.C., May 1st, and at the Mirage in Vegas, May 20th and 21st.

Or if Eggbud Stevens, Harry Valdery, and Ruben Da Ego.

Join us now on YouTube for Overtime.

Thank you, folks.

Catch all new episodes of Real Time with Bill Maher every Friday night at 10, or watch him anytime on HBO On Demand.

For more information, log on to HBO.com.