Ep. #563: Fran Lebowitz, S.E. Cupp, April Ryan

Charlie Sheen is an icon of decadence.

I lit the fuse and my life turns into everything it wasn't supposed to be.

He's going the distance.

He was the highest paid TV star of all time.

When it started to change, it was quick.

He kept saying, no, no, no, I'm in the hospital now, but next week I'll be ready for the show.

Now, Charlie's sober.

He's gonna tell you the truth.

How do I present this with any class?

I think we're past that, Charlie.

We're past that, yeah.

Somebody call action.

AKA Charlie Sheen, only on Netflix, September 10th.

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Welcome to an HBO podcast from the HBO Late Night Series, Real Time with Bill Maher.

How are you?

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.

Thank you for coming and masking up.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I appreciate it.

Thank you for being in a good mood.

Yes, well, look, we're not going to have a riot.

So people are in a good mood.

We thought we were, you know, well, the good news in the Derek Chauvin trial, they found him guilty.

So

there was justice for George Floyd.

The bad news, if you want something at Footlocker this weekend, you're going to have to buy it with money.

So America, come on, it's coming back.

Biden is going to do this, they're not calling it, but it is the State of the Union address.

He's going to join session of Congress next week.

That's pretty good.

Low bar there, there in the Capitol, because the last big speech in that room was from the QAnon shaman.

So,

you know, if you can't beat that.

But no, Biden's making moves.

He was,

this was Earth Day, right, this week, to celebrate.

Okay.

Celebrate our remaining few years on the planet.

But he's trying to do something.

He had a virtual summit with 40 leaders around the world, and they were, I must say, much more impressed with him than the last guy.

Trump thought climate change was when the sun went down.

That's as far as we got on that issue with him.

And also the, now this is not going anywhere, but it's a step.

The House voted that Washington, D.C.,

our nation's capital, should be a state.

At least we're bringing this up now.

And Matt Gaetz, remember Matt Gaetz?

Oh, he's in the news.

He was all over this issue.

He had a big question.

He said, if BC was a state, what would happen if a teenage girl had to get from Delaware to Virginia asking for a friend?

But you're probably all jazzed up because it's Oscar's weekend and America can barely contain its apathy.

I am telling you.

No, I always get excited at Oscar.

I do.

I write down every year my predictions.

This year I'm predicting I'm not going to watch.

Well, I mean,

we did a whole thing on this a couple of weeks.

No one heard of these movies.

You've heard of me too?

This is me neither.

No, me neither.

I mean, no one is

no one.

There's eight nominees for Best Picture, no one has seen them.

One is just a picture in your Netflix

of a campfire.

Might not have worked anyway, but I certainly didn't give it a chance.

But this is the thing I don't really understand about this year's Oscar ceremony.

It's coming to you from Union Station here in Los Angeles.

Really?

Because nothing says glamour like come to a train station to cheer on a movie about date rape.

That is the night of my life.

But

a train station?

How is that going to work?

And the Oscar for a best picture goes to now morning, the 845

to Fresh News on track 13.

But

how about this for news?

Caitlin Jenner is running for governor.

Let me finish my whole monologue on this and maybe

take that one back.

No, I know you think of her as a reality show star, but come on, people change.

She is trans rested and ready.

I mean, she's got

a great slogan, take the sack out of Sacramento.

Because

she

because you know, this is only happening because our governor, there's a recall, which is stupid, but we're probably going to do it because in California we do stupid things like that.

But Caitlin Jenner is a very died-in-the-world lifelong Republican.

I love that about her.

You know, wasn't always sure about the whole man-woman thing,

but low capital gains, taxes, born that way.

And a lot of people, of course, are saying, isn't it strange for a trans woman to be in a party that is passing anti-trans laws all over the country?

And Caitlin said, yeah, I get that.

It's just something about being in a party that doesn't respect me that makes me feel like I'm home with the Kardashians.

All right, I've got a great show for you.

We got Estee Cup and April Ryan.

And first up, she is the subject of the seven-part Netflix series.

It was fantastic, Pretended to city.

And in April 2022, she'll be performing at the Broad Stage here in Santa Monica.

Fran Leibowitz is with us.

Fran Leibowitz,

so great to see you.

It's been too long.

It's great to see anyone.

Been anyone.

Been too long.

How was your pandemic?

There were certain things I liked about it.

I know you're not allowed to say that.

I thought maybe you would because you like staying home reading all day.

Yeah, but not all night.

Right.

So that was good.

I mean, many things that I always wished for, you know, I got in a certain way.

Like, I wanted the, you know, tourists out of Times Square.

But then when I saw it at the height of the pandemic, when I was walking around, I thought, yes, but not this way.

Right.

Like, you know, wasn't there some way they could leave without, you know, half a million people dying?

I didn't mean that.

I don't mean die.

I mean, just don't come.

Well, they will be back because New York will be back.

I know.

Oh, there's no

question.

But you know, it's not surprising to me, but they're trying, you know, they're people in New York, not me, the people who own stuff like theaters and buildings.

And how can we make it like it was, as if it was perfect?

You know, like, how about there were things wrong with before?

You know,

whenever there's a disaster, no one can think past a disaster.

You know?

Well, that's not true, because a lot of people are not going to go back to going to an office.

Certainly, not like five days a week.

Yeah.

Well, luckily, I never did that.

Did you?

Yes.

Yes, I came, and I miss it.

But I will compromise with the staff who wants to stay home interminably.

They never want to see this building again.

I like a writer's meeting with writers in it.

Well, in the same fucking room.

I do.

I like to see the fear on their faces.

The The show is always fun.

It's just influenced.

But so how was the flight?

I'm very curious if you are as bothered by the inconsistencies as I am in how we handled this, you know, like the fact that planes were always okay, but I couldn't do a concert.

Really, a plane is safer than an outdoor venue to do a concert or even an indoor venue.

How about dining?

You know, you put the mask on when you walk in, but when you're sitting, the virus would never think

of jumping in you when you're...

It's please, he's with people, he's eating.

Does this bother you?

Well, I mean, there's, there,

there seems to be a lack of understanding of what air is.

I mean, in other words, in New York, they put...

What air is, yeah.

Yeah, and other places, I'm sure, they put these plastic dividers between tables.

I know.

And I said to, the first time I saw it, I said to the waiter, and you know, it's not a pleasant feeling.

You know, you feel like, you know, I didn't kill anyone.

Do I have to be behind this plastic?

Right, you feel like Eichmann at the end.

So,

you know, what is this for?

Well, this is to keep the air from going from table to table.

I said, really?

Can I smoke?

Right.

He said, no, of course you can't smoke.

I said, if this worked, I could smoke.

I said, because it would stop the smoke right here.

I said,

air doesn't do that.

Air goes up, it goes down.

I mean, not a meteorologist, but I know air doesn't just go this way.

I remember I said the same thing with planes.

I took you to that Met game.

You did.

And to smoke,

you had to walk around the entire stadium.

No, I had to walk.

And first of all, that's the only time I've been to, I know it's not called Shea Stadium anymore, whatever it's called now.

City Field.

Yes.

It is.

That's the only time I've been there.

I haven't been back.

The distance to the base.

No one has been back, by the way.

I'm sorry?

No one has been back.

Really, was that the last baseball games?

No, but we had no fans last year.

Almost drove me into bankruptcy.

Anyway, go on with your story.

I went, but I was not a fan.

So

to walk to the place you had to smoke.

Yeah, right.

I felt I was getting more exercise than the baseball player.

I felt that when I finally got there and lit up, I should have gotten like a run or whatever you call it a baseball.

So yes, I do.

I remember vividly the way that I did.

Okay, so I must tell you, your show on Netflix was so fucking fantastic.

Well, thank you.

So hysterically funny.

And

you and Marty together, I mean, but you know, I say Marty together, you're the show.

I did three nights with you, as you recall.

That's right, in Silicon Valley.

Silicon Valley, we did.

You are the fastest gun in the West.

Even the comedians

would give that to you.

Really?

Even the comedy.

Whoever is on stage with you is going to be the straight man.

And I'm pretty fucking funny.

And you're pretty straight.

Right.

Not true of all the men I've been on stage with.

And I see now,

can I make a prediction for your this decade, you just turned 70?

I did.

Okay.

Your 70s, you're going to be the hottest ticket on campus.

Well,

truthfully, I already have like a billion dates for 2020.

I know.

I'm saying.

It's about time.

I get it.

You deserve it.

You're the funniest one out there.

And the kids are catching catching on.

No, it's going to be great.

And, you know, you always are complaining about being impact unias.

You will not be able to lean on that anymore.

You're going to be flush.

And of course, because this is the year that if you make a lot of money, they're going to take it all in taxes.

When I saw that, I've always been advocating for this.

And then I thought, not this year.

No, don't do it this year.

But I mean, I kept thinking of you when you were a cabby.

I mean, you were in the 70s, was it?

I wasn't in my 70s.

No, but in the 70s.

That's a sad thing.

I was like 21, yes.

Weren't you like one of only two women cabbages?

Well, I heard that, I was supposedly, but I never saw the other one.

So I thought the other one might have been a myth.

And truthfully, I wasn't really a woman.

I was a girl.

I was a kid.

I don't mean I wasn't a woman the way that Bruce, no, whatever he's called.

Caitlin Jenner's.

You're already probably in enough trouble on that one, don't you?

I was a girl.

I was a kid.

And I kept hearing there was a woman cab driver, but I never saw her.

So, you know, I mean, I looked for her because the men cab drivers wouldn't talk to me.

But you still have.

Right.

And it must have been a rough gig, but you have

a deep love of cabbies because you bought a cab, right?

Did you not have a checker cabbage?

I bought a checker.

A checker.

Okay, that's an odd thing for someone to do, especially who is penniless.

Yeah, I wasn't penniless when I bought it.

It's when my first book came out.

So

after I bought it, I was penniless.

I bought it

because the checker company made also a passenger car called a marathon.

That's what this is.

It's the shape of a cab.

I bought it because I wanted to buy like an old Bentley, and I couldn't afford it.

So everyone said, this car kind of looks like an old Bentley, which it kind of does.

It's round.

They never changed the design, the body design.

Who told you this?

That is ridiculous.

I like the way it looks.

It looked kind of really like a comic book car.

You know,

you expect like a family of ducks.

That's what it does look like.

You expect a family of ducks to get out of it?

Anyway, I still have the car.

You do?

I do.

Oh.

Do you ever take Uber?

Well, if someone else takes it, because I had no phone, you need a phone to take Uber.

That's right.

So if someone else says I'm calling an Uber, I say thanks.

Do you know?

I mean, I take it very rarely, but the last time I took one, I saw, it said,

the thing come up, you know, they have like a screen.

I'll take your word for it.

And it said, you know, do you want conversation with the driver?

I had to pick that before.

It's like, could we just wing it?

I'm just wondering what you think about that generation's fragility, that they can't like even get into a car without knowing what's coming.

You know, there's trigger warnings outside of Broadway shows now.

There should be.

No, there are.

Really?

You really want to see this?

Did you ever see this like 40 years ago when it first opened?

Anyway.

What do you think you would have been like if you had texting when you were a teenager, as teenagers do today?

Because you're so literate.

Couldn't you have like

wouldn't that have been good for you?

You know, truthfully, the idea that I would ever want to sit there and write all day long for free is out of the question.

Well, that's, that's,

no, that's tweeting.

But texting is writing.

Yeah, but that it's to a person.

Wouldn't it have changed your love?

Well, writing is to a person, Bill.

But wouldn't it have changed?

To some people, you know?

I feel like it would have been good for me, because I was very shy.

But, you know, I was Sirano.

I could have been, you know, I could say the right thing.

But I had the big nose, so I didn't want to.

No.

All right.

So, um.

But very straight.

Let me ask you this about the last question about the pandemic.

Did it make you think of...

Yes.

What was I going to say?

It doesn't matter.

Okay, I was going to say, did it make you ponder like the big questions?

Because you're home, it did with me.

I don't know if other people.

Did what?

Make me think about things like

the pandemic.

Oh, like being like, like, have you seen recently that they say UFOs, the first time the government is talking about how, yes, there are these things that our pilots have seen.

These are not crazy people.

These are people in the military.

They've seen these things.

We can't explain them.

I can.

It's the Delta flight that was supposed to leave three days ago.

No, it's not.

No.

That's what it is.

No, it isn't.

No,

they think it's pretty real.

I mean, now some of them say, well, it could be another country.

Another country that is stuff that is, as they say, the military is saying, behaving in ways we can't explain,

you know, violating laws of physics we can't explain.

What other countries got that?

You know, truthfully, I'm sure I behave in ways the military could not explain.

In looking for profound explanations, I wouldn't necessarily go to the military.

All right.

All right, Miss Smarty Pants.

What about something like the Big Bang theory?

Not the show.

The actual theory.

Can you explain it?

No.

Let me

know.

But you know what it is?

Here's what I could.

What is the Big Bang theory?

I only know it vaguely because here's the thing.

What you, come on.

If the ultimate reader, you don't know what the Big Bang is.

I only have half a brain, okay?

That other half, that math half, you know, I do not have.

So, you know, I have had...

I would say a dozen actual physicists explain to me what physics is.

I still don't know.

So I don't have opinions about the Big Bang Theory because I don't really understand.

I'm going to tell you basically what it is and then you tell me your opinion.

This is the Big Bang Theory.

That the entire universe at one time fit into something the size of like a marble.

Like picture the Earth condensed just to be in a marble.

And then picture, okay, not just the Earth, but the Sun.

and all of our planets.

And not just that, but the entire galaxy, which has 100 billion stars.

And then there's like 2 trillion galaxies.

Well, now it's getting crowded in there,

and then that exploded

and in its present condition.

Yeah, well, there's one thing.

No, that happened 14 billion years ago.

Were they still doing construction next to my hotel?

No, no, no.

That happened 14 billion years ago.

Then the shit cooled, and you know, planets formed.

You know, I mean, come on, you know.

You're asking me if I agree with this?

I'm saying, that is, I'm saying, like,

not a single thing you said could I follow

the whole universe fitness something little and then it exploded and then shit happened for a lot of years and yes that's what all the smartest people in the world think now to me I agree with them because I realize they're smarter than me but it does sound stupider than virgin birth on the surface I'm not saying it's counterintuitive I don't think virgin birth it's more picturesque let's look at it that way.

Okay.

I don't understand either one of them.

All right.

So you're going to be the biggest star of the next decade, the Roaring 20s.

Right?

You agree?

I don't agree.

You're going to be the biggest star on campus.

All right.

Friendly wits, everybody.

Thank you.

Thank you.

My prediction: let's meet our panel.

Okay.

Hey!

Hey!

What goes here?

Oh my gosh, all women today.

People.

I know.

Women people.

She's the nationally syndicated columnist and CNN commentator SC Cup is back with us.

And she's the D.C.

Bureau Chief and White House correspondent for thegrio.com and author of At Mama's Knee, Mothers and Race in Black and White.

April Ryan is back with us.

How are you doing?

I'm doing good.

How are you doing?

It's good to be out.

It's great.

Yeah.

The first time for you I flew in a year.

Thank you so much.

Really appreciate that.

Yes.

For you.

I know.

But we didn't pay for the ticket.

Come on.

Yeah, I mean.

All right.

And you did want to get out of the house.

Come on.

You could go anywhere they paid for the ticket.

Come on.

All right, come on, but no for you, for you, only for you.

Okay, so

listen, let's talk about this.

Let's change the happy mood and talk about

horrible

trial.

But, you know, people have been talking about this verdict as if it's the beginning of a precedent.

I just want to say the left loves its narratives.

It's actually part of a trend that's been going on since 2014.

In Chicago, the cop who killed LaQuan McDonald went to prison six years, nine months.

2015, Charleston, the guy who killed Walter Scott, got 20 years in prison.

2017, the cop who shot into a car car filled with black teenagers, got 15 years.

April Amber Geiger in Dallas, 2018, 10 years in prison.

This is something that has been changing.

This is another brick in that wall that we're building.

It's too slow.

This is, it's very slow.

You know, talking about a trend since 2014, let's go way back then.

Let's go back 402 years to slavery, from patrolling, okay?

Yes,

then you go to Jim Crow, then you go to civil rights, then you go to today.

This is not even a victory.

This is a small movement towards what should be.

It's not right that black people have to have the talk to their children.

Me as a mother of black girls, it's not just about our black men anymore.

I have to talk to my children about when you're out on the road.

Okay, so let me.

But no, no, no, but there are different rules.

And you have to understand that this is a scenario that when black people, a lot of black people are at the wheel and out in the street, they fear police coming to them.

And they are fearful of what?

Street corner justice.

You're tried and convicted and killed on the spot versus a white person who gets a chance to go to court.

Well, no one's arguing with that.

But I mean.

You're saying that things are different than they were five years ago.

I think it's important.

It's an important point.

It's important to point that out.

It is.

I just don't think there's much solace

in that.

Especially with this verdict.

All right, let's move on to some of the relief.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, this is important.

No, no, no, no, to this another point about this.

This verdict was so was so obvious.

We all saw what happened with our own eyes.

Right, and things that it didn't used to happen when it was obvious.

That's my point, is that it was always obvious and they didn't used to do this.

But the fear, Bill, is that we're not always going to have the evidence that we had with the Chauvin case.

We're not always going to have prosecutors.

But you know, even a job.

Evidence, even with the cameras, the police video, they're still going to do it.

Look at what Chauvin did.

It doesn't matter if a body cam is on you.

They're going to do it.

But when we talk about accountability, let's go back to my hometown of Baltimore.

Freddie Gray.

Freddie Gray.

Freddie Gray died in police custody.

He should have never been in police custody.

And who?

Accountability is not.

Who was the mayor?

A black woman.

Who was the head of the police?

Who was the DA?

It was an entirely different.

I'm just saying it obviously is something beyond race then what's going on.

That suggests to me it's more about policing.

Everybody in the upper rechalon in the Freddie case was black.

True.

You couldn't replace that.

But the system is the same.

Well, that's true.

The problem is police have, what is it, qualified immunity.

They get the burden of the doubt, the benefit of the doubt before the average citizen.

Well, not so much anymore.

I pray that's true.

That's why I pray that's the truth.

So what about this?

Now, only like 30 minutes after this verdict came in, a young woman, Makia Bryant, was killed in Columbus.

The police fired, the cop fired four shots.

And this has been one of my issues for a very long time.

Why do we always have to empty the whole clip?

Now, maybe they have an answer, but I've been asking that for a very long time.

One shot could not possibly...

But, okay.

But here's an interesting case.

She was stabbing another person.

She had a knife.

This is a black girl who was about to stab another black girl.

Black lives matter, which one.

Because a lot of people are saying the cop did the wrong thing.

I'm saying which is the same.

He could have tased her.

He could have shot her in the leg.

He could have de-escalated in a different way.

He did not even have to use a bullet.

He could have done something differently.

He could have done that.

It should not be that if there is a police officer coming to your home, someone dies.

There are ways they are trained to de-escalate.

And there are some people who don't use the TASEN.

No, they're not deescaling.

They don't die.

They are not.

That's the problem.

Is that they are not trained to deescale.

Well in Baltimore, they're changing.

It's heavy in Baltimore.

If you're looking at, look, no one should die during a traffic stop.

No one should die for passing a counterfeit $20 bill.

No one should die for selling loose cigarettes.

However,

a lot of the cops and analysts that I've been listening to over the past couple of days have said

what the cop did in that situation to save another girl from being stabbed was the right thing to do.

I don't know if that's the case.

No one wants any kid to die at the hands of cops.

But I think the problem is they are not trained to de-escalate.

And so the problem is systemic in policing as well.

Yeah, I've never been a cop.

I don't know what

could actually be done when someone's got the knife

up here.

I'm not going to pass.

I don't know if that taser works.

Maybe it does.

So did you see those videos?

I know they should be better marksmen.

Did you see that?

They don't spend enough time on the range, that's for sure.

I remember that the Sarnaev kid in Boston,

the whole Boston police department fired their entire clips into the boat and couldn't kill the motherfucker.

He was hiding in that boat.

It was like 10 feet away.

I mean, they've got to spend more time on the range.

That's the one that's going to be my number one to me.

And then maybe just one shot.

But they'll tell you they're not trained to aim for the leg.

It's too small a target.

they are trained to aim for the chest they're trained but let me know and that could be a problem but they'll be very

i'm gonna go back to my my my premise there is a difference in policing with one group versus the other yes did you watch did you watch those i know but but i need to make this point as a black woman in america i have to make this point um did you see the videos this week on social media where there was a young man a white man had his gun open and told the police i got a gun i'm gonna shoot you and the police officer i see your gun.

He got away.

You can also find a zillion videos of cops killing white people.

They do that too.

They do it.

I agree.

But there is a change in the world.

To the same degree.

I agree.

It's a very sensitive and hard issue that this nation is dealing with.

Well, then let's talk about something fun like climate change.

Because

Biden is making big moves.

He said at the climate summit yesterday that we are going to reduce, or this is our attempt, greenhouse gas emissions by 50% by the end of the decade.

That seems reasonable, difficult but reasonable.

We have to set the bar high, I think.

People like Lindsey Graham, this is him a few days ago, I've come to conclude that climate change is real.

Well,

welcome to 1990, Lindsey.

Pull up a beanbag chair.

He says, goes on to talk about the oceans and okay, he says, so count me in on the idea that the science is real.

Okay, great.

But

so we have people like that, but I feel like the Republicans still dithering.

I know you agree climate change is real,

but you also say how we handle it is still debatable.

Isn't what Biden is doing not debatable?

Isn't that what we just should be doing?

What's the debate?

I'm not sure how long we can keep debating about what we should be doing.

Yeah.

Well, I think, and I mean I first here was I was first here 11 years ago and I think you and I have been talking about climate change and in those 11 years I've evolved a lot in my position not because you've yelled at me for 10 years, right?

Not because change doesn't happen at the barrel of a gun.

I've evolved in my position because the science is indisputable and I've watched the science and I've even evolved in the ways to solve it and I agree with you.

But I think the problem is is when you try to make change at the barrel of a gun and tell people who have questions that they're stupid and tell people that they can't have questions and you can't have a debate in science, right?

Which is supposed to be about asking questions and getting to the truth.

I just don't think that gets a lot of converts to a cause I know is really important to you.

But the science is settled on this one.

Yes, I agree with you about science in general, but not in this.

But not this, right?

Well, you know what?

Texas, Texas

has trumped science.

Forgive the pun.

What does that mean?

Texas, what happened in Dallas?

What happened this last winter?

You mean losing electricity?

The power grid.

The power grid, yeah.

Yeah, the power grid.

And they had temperatures below zero.

Come on now.

The polar bears can't find places to live anymore.

And let's talk about Katrina.

Let's talk about what happened in New Orleans

on the Gulf Coast.

I mean, at some point, it's not just about, oh, at the barrel of the gun, if you watch the severity of storms in Washington.

But that's how it should be.

You watch the science happen, and that's

how watching me evolved on that issue.

But don't you want people

to keep watching?

It's too late.

So now we're at the point.

I know when, believe me, I've covered a lot of issues.

You want change fast, you want it immediately.

I get that.

I've wanted change on gay rights before people were ready for it.

I understand that.

But long-term, meaningful change doesn't happen by berating people and telling them you got to believe, and if you don't, you're stupid.

Well, okay.

I don't remember saying stupid, but yes, I mean.

I'm sure you have.

Oh,

okay, man.

I'll concede that point.

I know you have.

Because people who don't believe in this are stupid.

Okay.

And here's one who is stupid.

There's this guy,

Steve Koonin.

He's got a new book out.

Now, look, he had a serious job.

He was the Under Secretary of Science in the Department of Energy under Obama.

So he's got credentials.

He's a professor.

He's not a moron.

He also used to work for British Petroleum.

Okay.

Always a red flag with me, because the only people who don't yet get on the board with the science on this are the people that work for oil companies.

But he's got a book out that I think is just going to be, I hope no one reads it.

Please don't.

It's called Unsettled.

But it's not fucking unsettled.

And here's his stupid points.

Maybe it won't be so bad.

We don't know.

Yes, we don't know.

Nothing is for sure, obviously.

Dumb point.

There's lots of carbon already in the atmosphere.

Yes, of course, that's part of the problem, dummy.

We might invent something that would sequester carbon.

Yes, we might get ice cream in the mail tomorrow.

It won't work unless all the countries sign on.

Okay, let me attack this one most specifically.

I've been hearing this forever.

Yes, it won't.

But the way to do that, apparently, is not just to wait till everybody signs the same paper.

The way to do it is just to do it.

Start doing things, to lead.

France banned all two-hour flights within the country, two hours and less.

In other words, take the train.

Okay?

Let's just start somewhere.

You don't have to fly if it's less than two hours.

Stuff like that.

And Amsterdam has done it.

Germany has done it.

You just have to do it and make everybody else look like the pariah, and they will.

But what do you do with China that is dealing with just coal?

They love themselves some coal.

Yeah,

so do we.

Well, but

we're cutting back.

Right.

Well, I mean...

We're looking for more cleaner ways to

have made, right?

I mean, this is an argument a lot of people on the other side of this issue have made.

And what's the alternative?

Well, I guess we can't do anything then.

Okay.

I don't think that's the answer.

I think that's a good question.

You know what?

If China is deciding to buy a lot of our coal, maybe we just say no more.

I mean, that's really that's

you know, maybe we just say no more.

No, we couldn't do that.

I don't know.

All right.

So just to button this up, Earth Overshoot Day.

I never heard of this, but I did this year.

This is the day when humanity has used all the biological resources the Earth can renew during that year.

We hit ours in 2020 on August 22nd.

We are currently using 60% more than what the planet can renew.

Now for some comedy.

So

it was 420.

Did you celebrate 420?

What time at what time?

No, it was

specific time of the day?

You gave me the day.

What time?

Was it like 8.05?

No, no, it's all day.

It's the day we celebrate.

You know what, 420.

And it's always.

You know,

it's the pot holiday.

That's the thing, you know, it's always been called the pot holiday.

It's always about marijuana.

I just want to say to to the people who celebrate this, as I do,

it's about so much more than just pot.

It really is.

It's about getting fucked up on all kinds of drugs.

It's true.

And

mushrooms

are having a moment.

They really are.

Right now, mushrooms, they are legalized in Oregon.

That's pretty great.

And a study just came out.

Could you show this headline?

Turns out in studies against the pharmaceutical antidepressant bullshit, the mushrooms do better.

So

they're already starting to make commercials to sell them.

We found the first one.

Would you like to see it?

All right.

All right.

Are you not feeling you?

Do you suffer from a general malaise brought on by being connected to reality?

Does smoking weed just make you feel normal now?

Maybe it's time to try Tripitor.

Tripitor comes from mushrooms, like the kind you pick off pizza, only better, because these mushrooms contain psilocybin.

When taken on an empty stomach in a dark room, Tripitor goes right to work on the uptightian, the part of the brain that makes you wear clothes and hold a job.

Mushrooms go right to the source of your depression by helping you realize that we're all the same organism, man.

When the fire hydrant turns into a frog, that means it's working.

Don't ask your doctor if mushrooms are right for you, just try them.

Side effects may include becoming a wizard in a black light poster, petting a dog the wrong way, thinking your poetry rocks, tolerance of jam bands, being able to smell the color red, corduroy pants, running into traffic to escape a fire witch, insisting people call you the QAnon shaman, and a bad trip where Stephen Sagala is doing it with your own lady and all you can do is watch because you're a tree.

If you stare at your hand for more than four hours, call your doctor.

Depression is a serious medical condition.

Do not take mushrooms if you were a member of the Doors.

Do not talk to the coyote.

Do not operate heavy equipment as it has heavy right in the name.

Do not look at the coyote.

Do not take mushrooms when meeting your significant other's parents.

Don't do anything with the coyote, okay?

Psilocybin, try it once and never stop talking about it.

Have you ever done mushrooms?

I eat them.

I mean, the ones that you cook.

I mean, the fun ones.

No.

No, you never would.

No.

I'm a serious journalist.

That's right.

I knew there was a difference between us.

You're a serious journalist.

And I'm me.

Exactly.

All right, me is going to be.

I have not been able to promote a show.

I'm going to get proclamed here

in over a year, but I'm going to be playing in Florida in June.

On the road again.

I can't wait to get on the road again.

Sarasota and Clearwater.

I think it's a 19th of the 20th.

I'm going to read it at the end of the show.

Anyway, things are opening up, and I just feel like, you know, we've all had a rough five years.

Trump plus COVID was such a one-two punch, right?

I mean.

Punch in the dick.

Right.

A punch in the dick.

Punch in the what?

Punch in the dick.

She said it.

She's not a serious journalist like you.

That's right.

I forgot how to do this.

I forgot where I was.

All right, Esther.

So, you know,

exemporarily, I forgot where I was.

No, you're in exactly.

As long as this is on us.

You're exactly in the right place.

So, you know, we all deserve a breather, which we got after the election and so forth, and now things are getting better.

We need to have some fun for a while, but I just...

I just want people to understand that we have not moved one inch in solving the fundamental problem that we had six months ago, which is that the people of the United States hate each other

and will not work with each other.

This is the essential problem.

There is some new polling.

Well, first of all,

78% of Republicans say Biden was not legitimately, did not legitimately win the election.

That's just from April 10th.

78% are often.

And that's ridiculous.

Well, of course it's ridiculous.

45% think the attacks at the Capitol went too far but had a point.

51% say the party's leaders did not go far enough to support Trump, its contention that he won the election.

Back in December, there was a survey I read, the biggest threat to America's way of life.

The results from Americans.

8% think foreign,

biggest threat to our way of life.

17% natural disasters, viruses.

Obviously, that was on their minds.

20% think economic forces.

54%

biggest threat to America's way of life, other people

in America.

Other people in America.

I don't know.

I'm saying, take a breather, enjoy yourself, but the right wing has not self-deported.

They're not close to being interested in rebranding.

And as far as January 6th and the attack on the Capitol, the lesson they took from that was we must never let that happen again.

And by happen, I mean democracy.

Yeah, exactly.

And it's,

if your biggest idea, your biggest problem is that there's too much democracy.

And so too much voting, we got to crack down on that.

Too much speech and protesting, we got to crack down on that.

Too much access to information, let's crack down on that.

I mean, what a punch in the gut.

And for a party, the Republican Party, that makes pornography of patriotism and practically fallates the founding fathers.

It is jarring and disorienting to watch attack America.

But we know where my mind is tonight.

Falate the founding fathers.

I felt the founding fathers.

I think I lost

all my F's.

I think I lost all my Fathers.

I can fillate the Founding Fathers.

I can't do that.

No, but you.

I didn't.

That's exactly what they do.

But you know, but this is the party of Donald John Trump.

Gone are the days of Reagan.

Gone are the days of H.W.

Gone are the days of W.

Oh, yeah.

This is Donald John Trump's party.

Yeah.

What does it look like still?

But he's not gone.

Right.

The Trumpism mentality is there.

We saw it January 6th.

The only reason why there are

people trying to, I guess, say that, oh, it happened because of this is because they got caught, is because they found out it was wrong.

But I'm going to say this, and

I'm trying not to be a prognosticator of doom.

I'm not going down the sex road that you've gone, but I'm trying not to be a prognosticator of doom.

But I'm going to tell you something.

2022,

watch what happens at the polls.

Trumpism still is here.

No, he's still here.

I keep saying it.

He's still here, but

it's like the shark that went back out to sea.

But we need a bigger boat because we did not kill the shark.

It just went back out to sea.

No, it's going to come back.

Republicans are still being rewarded for doubling down on Trumpism.

And he's still going to run again.

Oh, yeah.

That's if he's not in jail.

He's not going to be in jail.

We'll see.

I'm going to tell you something.

Those lawsuits about January 6th, you know, if you have a proud boy calling Benny Thompson, Congressman Benny Thompson, who started the lawsuit, he wants to talk to him, you know.

You did what you did.

Why do you want to talk now?

The lawsuit, you cannot talk to him.

There is a problem.

They're falling on an old civil rights law, and they may may have some teeth.

More people are joining in.

Do you realize, and I cannot express this anymore, do you realize

the executive branch of government waged war on the legislative branch of government?

Of course.

They not only waged war, they were looking to kill people.

The vice president, they erected a noose with a gallows because President Trump said he didn't like him.

Yes.

Yes.

This is serious.

But the problem is that I haven't met many who are ashamed of it.

I have no problem.

I have not met many who are embarrassed by it.

And that's what I'm always trying to focus on, the future here.

Not just the past.

Right, but what's going to happen next?

That's my future.

The fire in the belly of the future.

That's the future.

What's going to happen next?

Okay, well, let me just tell you.

Why don't you tell me the movie was forward thing?

Come on, tell me.

Tell us about that.

Well, it was 2020 last year.

We had a census.

Okay, so they're counting.

So that means redistricting.

Republicans will drive the redistricting process process in 20 states, Democrats in just 11, because they got the legislatures, they have federal judges.

You know, this is the kind of stuff that goes on behind the scenes that people don't notice that's going on right now that actually changes your life in the future.

They could get the House just in newly created districts.

Jerry Mayor.

They will be.

Yes, New York, Illinois, and California are expected to lose congressional seats.

I mean, that's just population moving out.

I know why they leave here.

Texas is expected to gain three and Florida is expected to gain two.

So

that's the reality.

And put that in combination with this idea of how much they just did not accept the loss.

I mean, does anybody ever say to these people, you're just fucking sore losers?

You know, elections,

elections, it's always a...

Pretty much a 50-50 proposition.

You win some, you lose some.

But no, you'd rather hypnotize yourself into believing you won this one to the point where now for protests, you mentioned protests.

They have these, we're going to run you over laws.

Yeah.

We are in, where is it?

Iowa?

Yes, Iowa and Oklahoma.

And Florida already had it.

Of course, Florida always ahead of the nation.

We have immunity.

If people are protesting in the street, immunity for running your car.

You'd rather run people over that admit you lost an election.

Tell that to Heather Heyer,

who died died in Charlottesville from that.

He would have had a great case.

He used that car as his death mobile.

He ran that, he not only killed her, but he injured other people.

And you're going to give someone immunity?

You know, and let me say this.

I hate to say this, but Republicans love to use the quotes of Dr.

Martin Luther King Jr.

But before he died, before he became a martyr, he was a marcher.

And they don't remember that.

He marched like Heather Heyer and all these other people did he marched and they want to use cars

to intimidate it's an intimidation

not only that republicans have 81 new anti-protest laws around the country against

stuff that's already illegal violence is already illegal right looting is already illegal stuff stuff that's already on the books they want to make it like super extra illegal or you know more more punishable misdemeanors become felonies but this is what it looks like when you're out of ideas this is this is what it looks like when you'd rather rape democracy than come up with your own ideas.

And they're done.

They're done with ideas.

But you've given up on ideas.

But this is not anti-World.

That's your party, is it not?

This is not anti-black.

So what is your solution to your party being out of ideas?

Well, I mean, I'm voting with my wallet.

I'm voting with my mouth.

I'm voting with my feet.

I voted for Joe Biden, and I'm not supporting this party.

You know what?

I saw George.

I'm calling out this party in any way.

No one's listening.

George W.

Bush I saw was in the news this week.

He's got a book he's selling.

And he said he wrote in Condoleezza Rice,

which is such a cowardly thing, I feel like.

Just don't vote.

Okay, I get it.

But writing it, there's only two choices.

That's America.

You get two choices.

One's better than the other.

It wasn't even hard this year.

It wasn't even hard.

But

he's got an approval rating now.

Wow, it was 33% when he left, and it's 61%.

Among Democrats, he went up from 11%

to 54% approval.

What's going on there?

You know what?

People are starting to see.

Is that just because Trump, we saw what the worst could be?

Well, yes, juxtapose Trump to W.

But, you know, people are starting to see more of him, hear more of him, hear his heart.

They see him coming together with the other living presidents who happen to be Democratic.

Right.

And he's working with them.

And I'm going to be honest with you, and this might seem trite, but the way he falls into the arms of Michelle Obama, that shows you kind of a humanity thing.

But I think, yeah, I mean, I don't think anyone's got increased affection for W's policies.

In fact, a lot of them look worse today.

But I think there's a lot of renewed affection for him personally.

And I think that is Trump's last answer.

He was not trying to enrich himself like Trump was.

I think he truly believed in what he was.

He was just raised in that mindset.

Cruelty.

He went painting.

No, he started painting for his mind.

But I'm not going to give up on the idea.

He was a shit president no no I'm sorry I'm not too hard on him

I mean I realize I see it

recession yes he left war in recession

the worst ever we had war we had financial talks we had death toll but he was always on that he was a shitty president but I hear from Democrats

all the time

man we did Romney dirty that was a good man who we called a monster I hear that all the time because I think after Trump

everyone looks at flip-flops a lot Romney walked in on the bed bed next to trump i'll take it thank you i gotta go to new rules okay

okay new rules someone needs to tell women's magazine editors to stop inventing lists of sexy places to touch your boyfriend trust me it's not a list

And it's been popular for about 300,000 years.

New, the inventor of shittens, the toilet paper shaped like a mitten,

has to tell us what happened that gave him the idea.

I have so many questions, so yes, I do want to meet you, but no, I don't want to shake your hand.

Neural, from this day forward, this look will be known as a resting bitch face.

New Roll, now that arch conservatives Jim Caviesel and Lynn Wood are sounding the alarm about adrenochrome, which is the belief that liberals literally drink the blood of terrified children for a psychoactive effect, I have one thing to say to you.

Don't knock it until you tried it.

It's...

It's really good, man.

The only downside is sometimes after you drink the kids' blood, it takes forever to kick in.

So you get impatient and drink more children's blood and then oh this is gonna be a night.

New rule Matt Gates' spokesman Harlan Hill has to prove he's not underage.

Who is this guy?

He looks like the accountant for the Lollipop Guild.

But as Matt Gates' spokesman, Harlan has two questions.

Doesn't it behoove us to reinstate due process to its rightful constitutional standing?

And do you guys want to ride bikes?

And finally, new rule three months into his presidency.

It's time to admit that Joe Biden has been a huge disappointment to comedians.

All the jokes we were stockpiling about ancient doddering sleepy Joe, useless.

The man has been nothing short of sharp, focused, and completely on top of things.

We were expecting a font of comedy gold about a senile geezer showing up to work in his pajama bottoms and plowing his motorcade into a farmer's market.

Forget the dog, he was going to bite someone on the South Lawn.

But a funny thing happened on the way to the old age home.

Biden slayed the orange dragon and is now spearheading the most transformative administration since FDR with an approval rating of 59%.

Even the Joe Biden ticks and gaffes that used to bug us, the hair smelling and the getting lost in a sentence and the challenging of random people to a fight in the parking lot.

Gone.

Gone.

Biden stepped up his game.

Yes, he got better at 78.

What a mind-blowing concept that must be to the younger generations for whom writing someone off simply for their age is the last acceptable prejudice.

Oh yes.

They hate every ism except ageism.

It's completely forbidden to tell any joke about race, gender, religion, weight, but age, have at it.

You ever go down the greeting card aisle at CBS?

Every card for anyone over 60 is the same joke.

Happy birthday.

I'm surprised your dick hasn't fallen off.

Now,

the excuse for this prejudice has always been, well, we're a young country.

I've been hearing that my whole life.

America is a young country.

Well, tonight, I'd just like to say this: America.

You're not that young anymore.

Powdered wigs was a long time ago.

It's time you grew up.

It's time to stop doing stupid, teenage, immature things.

And number one on that list is not getting the most fundamental trade-off in life.

You're beautiful when you're young, wise when you're old.

This is.

This is the only country in the world dumb enough not to get this most basic, intuitive, obvious, filet under duh concept

that if, as they say, you learn something new every day, it stands to reason someone who's logged 10,000 more days is going to be in general a little wiser.

Life is a series of patterns.

You don't see it at first because it's not a pattern yet.

But by the third time, yeah, okay, I get it now.

Yes, societies need youthful energy and fresh eyes on problems, and it's true, it takes young people to start a revolution.

But Biden is the right man for this moment precisely because he is old, been there, done that.

It's a virtue.

He's getting things done.

on wealth inequality in Afghanistan and racial justice and climate change that keyboard warriors only dream about while muttering, okay, boomer.

Young, dumb, and full of cum?

Yes,

there is a season for that.

But right now, I'll take old, stooped, and full of soup.

And yet, instead of finding Biden's age an asset, in America it was his biggest obstacle.

In the run-up to the last election, 37% of Americans were unabashed about telling pollsters they flat out wouldn't vote for someone over 70.

Is there anything more piss ignorant than not using old people as a resource?

Not taking advantage of their accumulated knowledge?

Everywhere else in the world, elders are sought for guidance.

In America, elders are sought for TikTok pranks.

In Greece, old man is a compliment, not something you scream after, get out of my way.

In India, young people touch old people's feet to show reverence.

Japan has a national holiday called Karonohi.

respect for the aged day.

You know the reason why advertisers in this country love the 18 to 34 demographic?

Because it's the most gullible.

Yeah.

A third of people under 35 say they're in favor of abolishing the police, not defunding, but doing away with a police force altogether, which is less of a policy position and more of a leg tattoo.

36% of millennials think it might be a good idea to try communism.

But much of the world did try it.

I know millennials think that doesn't count because they weren't alive when it happened.

But it did happen.

And there are people around who remember it.

Pining for communism is like pining for Betamax or MySpace.

So when you say you're old, you don't get it.

Get what?

Abolish the police and the Border Patrol and capitalism and cancel Lincoln.

No, I get it.

The problem isn't that I don't get what you're saying or that I'm old.

The problem is that your ideas are stupid.

If you say, let's eat in the bathroom and shit in the kitchen, yeah, that's a new idea.

But I wouldn't call it interior design.

You think someone 80 is hopeless because they can't use an iPhone?

Maybe the one who's hopeless is the one who can't stop using it.

You think I'm out of it because I'm not on Twitch?

Well, maybe I get Twitch, but I just think people watching other people play video games is a waste of fucking time.

20% of Gen Z agree with the statement society would be better off if all property was owned by the public and managed by the government.

And another 29% say they don't know if that's a good idea.

Here's who does know.

Anyone who wasn't born yesterday.

All right, that's our show.

We'll be back next week.

I'll be at the Ruth Eckert Hall in Clearwater.

There it is, June 19th, and at the Van Wiesel Performing Arts Hall in Sarasota, June 20th.

I want to thank April Ryan, Fred Leibowitz, and SC Cup.

Thank you, folks.

Catch all new episodes of Real Time with Bill Maud every Friday night at 10, or watch him anytime on HBO On Demand.

For more information, log on to HBO.com.