Bonus Bill – Ep. #509

4m
Listen in on the jokes only Bill’s audience got to hear.
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Runtime: 4m

Transcript

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Welcome to an HBO podcast from the HBO late night series, Real Time with Bill Maher.

Thank you very much. I appreciate it.
Thank you.

Wow, a hot audience, huh?

So maybe you're happy. I think I know why you're happy.
It's finally happened. 217 Democrats and one Independent have voted to open impeachment inquiries into President Trump.

But, you know, people want to know what it is about. Same thing it was about last time in 2016.
You can't try to get foreign help in an American election. We're Americans.
We fight amongst ourselves.

But when it comes to help, you can't get foreigners to do it. It's very fundamental.
And Trump did this again. He called the Ukrainian president, Zelensky, okay, and asked for a favor.

You know, it's always very mafia with him. All his phone calls sound like he's slicing garlic.

Trump said yesterday, no, no, quid pro quo, like he knows what that means.

Two days ago, he thought quid pro quo was the president of Vietnam.

But he

looks a little depressed about this one. I saw him yesterday at his press conference.
I dare use the term, but he looked low energy.

He really was sad, sad.

I think it looked like he finally lost the will to lie.

And

he keeps calling this phone call he had perfect. It was a perfect, what the fuck does that mean?

What is a perfect phone call? For him, it means he didn't drop the phone in the toilet. That's what a perfect phone call is.

But what's interesting about the call and the transcript that we read yesterday is this president of the Yuka Rein Zelensky.

He apparently got the memo that the way to get whatever you want from Trump is to completely kiss his ass. He talks about, he says to Trump, this great opportunity to learn from him.

And that he's using Trump's skills and knowledge to do his job, that Trump is a, exactly,

that Trump is a great teacher. I don't know if this constitutes treason.
I think it constitutes phone sex.

But

the Republicans just look desperate defending this. Devin Nunes, remember him? Remember Devin Nunes? Californians might know him because he's from here in California.

He claimed the Democrats tried to obtain nude photos of Trump.

Devin represents the San Joaquin Valley, which is famous for nuts. All right, thank you very much.

Catch all new episodes of Real Time with Bill Maher every Friday night at 10, or watch him anytime on HBO On Demand. For more information, log on to HBO.com.