Bonus Bill – Ep. #501

Charlie Sheen is an icon of decadence.

I lit the fuse and my life turns into everything it wasn't supposed to be.

He's going the distance.

He was the highest paid TV star of all time.

When it started to change, it was quick.

He kept saying, No, no, no, I'm in the hospital now, but next week I'll be ready for the show.

Now, Charlie's sober.

He's gonna tell you the truth.

How do I present this with any class?

I think we're past that, Charlie.

We're past that, yeah.

Somebody call action.

Aka Charlie Sheen, only on Netflix, September 10th.

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Welcome to an HBO podcast from the HBO late night series, Real Time with Bill Maher.

And before the debate, Trump tweeted out that he wouldn't be watching.

He said, I'm on Air Force One, off to save the free world.

That's not even the unbelievable part that he's saving the world.

The unbelievable part is that he wasn't watching TV.

Save the world?

He's going to Japan.

Who's he saving the world from?

Godzilla?

But, of course,

he wasn't telling the truth, because an hour later he was watching, because he tweeted out boring in all caps,

as world leaders do.

And it was a little boring, the debate.

But on the plus side, no one was bragging about the size of their dick.

How about that?

And

speaking of his dick,

Eugene Carroll, an author we used to have on Politically Incorrect,

is the latest woman to accuse Donald Trump of sexual assault.

He gave his standard defense, she's not my type.

She says that she was shopping at Bergdorf-Goodman, ran into Trump.

He goaded her into trying on a neglige.

And then when she was in the dressing room, she says he forced himself on her.

I don't know, Donald Trump walking in on a woman who's changing.

It doesn't sound like the Donald Trump.

So

we have a new White House press secretary.

It is Stephanie Grisham.

She's going to be the new Sarah Sanders, new White House press secretary.

It will not become official until they have the ceremonial sipping of the Kool-Aid.

And

but maybe the most important and lasting news from this week was yesterday the Supreme Court voted to uphold partisan gerrymandering, where state legislatures of the party in power can draw voting districts to their advantage.

And someone shouted out, what about fairness?

And beer shot out of Brett Kavanaugh's nose.

That's right.

This is what this means.

The party in power can choose its voters, essentially.

And if you don't like it, you can vote them out.

Oh, yeah, except you can't.

And that's how it went in this landmark case, United States versus Sucks to Be You.

This is the court giving Republicans permission to rig elections.

And today, Vladimir Putin said, okay, cool, but I'm still here if you need me.

All right.

Thanks very much, folks.

Catch all new episodes of Real Time with Bill Maher every Friday night at 10, or watch him anytime on HBO On Demand.

For more more information, log on to HBO.com.