Bonus Bill – Ep. #488

What up, y'all?

It's Joe Button here to talk about PrizePicks.

PrizePicks is the best place to win real money while watching football.

You can get up to 100 times your money.

PrizePicks will give you $50 instantly when you play your first $5 lineup.

You don't even need to win to receive the $50 bonus.

It's guaranteed.

Just download the PrizePicks app and use code Spotify.

That's code Spotify on PrizePicks to get $50 instantly when you play a $5 lineup.

PrizePicks, run your game.

Must be present in certain states.

Visit PrizePicks.com for restrictions and details.

This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance.

Fiscally responsible, financial geniuses, monetary magicians.

These are things people say about drivers who switch their car insurance to Progressive and save hundreds.

Visit progressive.com to see if you could save.

Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates.

Potential savings will vary, not available in all states or situations.

Welcome to an HBO podcast from the HBO Late Night Series, Real Time with Bill Maher.

Thank you very much.

How you doing?

Thank you.

Well,

welcome to this fucking country.

That's the name of my new NPR show.

All that and more today on this fucking country.

Good timing there.

Well, this is the week we found out that Nancy Pelosi does not want to impeach Donald Trump and we rolled up Lori Laughlin.

We got

well everyone's talking about this.

Have you seen this?

The college admission scandal.

Federal prosecutors this week charged 50 people in this massive scheme to bribe coaches at colleges, admissions officials.

These are at elite schools to get their kids in.

I think this is wildly unfair to other rich kids who got in because their parents donated directly, the old-fashioned.

But the schools involved, you know, we're talking about Yale, Stanford, Georgetown, you of San Diego.

Here's a little tip.

Instead of bribing that school, just apply.

Really,

you don't need to break into that house.

The door is open.

It's like stealing a car and picking a PT cruiser.

I mean, it's just.

But boy, the FBI does not kid around.

Lori Laughlin was arrested yesterday, TMZ said at gunpoint.

She was supposed to go to the county jail, but she pulled some strings and got into sing sing.

Her safety prison was Alcatraz.

Her safety prison.

No, listen to this.

Her bail was a million dollars.

And her crime was paying half a million dollars to get her idiot kid out of the house.

R.

Kelly said, I would have taken her for free.

No, this is very, very bad.

This is very bad news for these two fine actresses.

But

the good news is it's going to make a great lifetime movie starring Felicity Huffman and Laurie Loffman.

But

I tell you, these Hollywood scandals are just killing me.

I mean, last week, now I can't listen to Michael Jackson anymore.

Now I can't watch Lori Laughlin movies.

I mean.

But I think that it's perfect that this comes after the week when Kylie Kardashian said that she was the first self-made billionaire.

Yeah, about as self-made as a snowman.

Right, Kylie, self-made, like

Mount Rushmore.

And in other news, let's get to some other news.

Do you know who Cindy Yang is?

She was the owner of those massage parlors in Florida where they caught Robert Kraft.

Okay, she's also a big Trump supporter.

She was watching the Super Bowl at Mar-a-Lago at the time with Donald Trump.

She says she's now being persecuted for being a big Trump supporter.

And she was a big Trump supporter.

She's not denying that.

In fact, to get a happy ending at

one of her massage parlors, you had to use the code phrase, make my penis great again.

That's what you had to do.

Trump finally came around yesterday and did what every other country in the world has done now, which is ground the Boeing 737 MAX 8, the one that crashes.

Boeing insists the plane is safe.

It's just a bug in the software.

Yeah, that makes you feel good.

It makes you feel good when you're about to take off and the pilot says, we'll be taking off just as soon as I finish downloading this update.

And Trump was tweeting this week about he was very upset about the rumor that's going around that there is a Melania body double out there.

She is not a body double.

When he ordered her, it said, buy one, get one fruit.

That is not the same thing as a body double.

And if you're following the Democratic politics, there are now 15 because Betto O'Rourke is in.

He has declared, wow, look at that groundswell right here.

But Beto O'Rourke, you know, he ran for Senate in Texas.

On the upside, he is a great campaigner.

On the downside, he lost a popularity contest to Ted Cruz.

So,

and the other one who we're waiting for now, Joe Biden.

Anyone who wants Joe Biden to run for president?

Oh, look at that.

Joe Biden's got some fans, yes.

Well, Joe, I mean, look,

I'm not going to lie, he would be the oldest president ever.

In fact, he's so old, his mother lied to get him into Plato's Academy.

That's pretty good.

Crowd knows Greek history.

That's a great crowd.

And finally, Sunday, St.

Patrick's Day.

And get this.

As a tradition, Trump had the Prime Minister of Ireland to the White House.

His name is Leo Vardikar.

Doesn't sound Irish, but believe me, he is.

And he is the first openly gay Prime Minister Ireland has ever had.

And he met Mike Pence

and brought his partner,

which is a reminder that all Irish people are drunk.

All right, thank you very much.

Catch all new episodes of Real Time with Bill Ma every Friday night at 10, or watch him anytime on HBO On Demand.

For more information, log on to HBO.com.