Bonus Bill – Ep. #480

Welcome to an HBO podcast from the HBO Late Night Series, Real Time with Bill Ma.

Thank you very much.

How are you doing?

Thank you.

Hope you're all safe.

In California, of course, we have two giant fires that are only 50% contained.

And in Washington, there's a president who's only 10% contained.

But no, that's why we have our new Attorney General, Matt Whitaker, to protect him.

This guy, it turns out, is worse than we even thought.

Turns out before he took this job last week, he worked at a shady patent company, a company that promoted such things as Sasquatch dolls,

Sasquatch dolls, cryptocurrency for time travelers.

I'm not making that up.

And my favorite, a toilet with a deeper bowl for well-endowed men who don't want their dick to touch the water.

That's the Attorney General of the United States.

Everyone Trump hires is either a crook or a con man or both.

JFK had Camelot.

This guy is Ocean's 11.

And now my pick for Surgeon General,

the lady who's been injecting

bathroom caulk into women's butts.

Trump says the only reason the Democrats won is fraud.

He has this new theory.

This is just so insane.

He says people were voting by chain, voting more than once, cheating, by changing their clothes and then casting ballots in disguise.

He said this today.

He said they would go to their car, put on a different hat, put on a different shirt, come back into the booth, and vote again.

Isn't it great to get a lecture on disguises from a pasty, fat, bald guy who masquerades as a tanned man with a full head of hair?

And

yeah, it's all about fraud, voter fraud.

He said it again.

He said this before.

Remember, you need an ID to buy groceries?

What the fuck?

He said, quote, I'm quoting word for it.

He said, when you buy a box of cereal, you have to have a voter ID.

He also wants to see Tony the Tiger's birth certificate.

That's very important.

No, we've done this.

We've studied this over and over again.

They did a recent study of voter fraud.

There were only 31 incidents of it in a billion.

There are better odds of Megan Kelly winning a BET award.

But Trump, yeah, he's also pissed off because they're coming down at him because, you know, he refused to visit Arlington Cemetery on Veterans Day, something all presidents do.

He didn't want to take his hair out in the rain.

He had just had it martinized.

Also, he wouldn't go out in the rain when he was in Paris.

He was in Paris last week for the 100th anniversary of the end of World War I.

Doesn't go with the leaders, doesn't walk with them, attacked President Macron, mocked his poll numbers.

This is something you don't often see.

Someone visiting Paris who's ruder than the Parisians.

You know that statue of liberty you gave us?

It has a horse face.

No, Trump is not loving Paris at all.

He said the hook is there say we

the hook is there say we we.

But in Russia they actually do it.

Okay, thank you very much.

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