Bonus Bill – Ep. #477

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Welcome to an HBO podcast from the HBO Late Night Series, Real Time with Bill Moff.

Thank you very much.

How you doing?

A lot of suspicious packages were sent yesterday.

Boy, I long for a world where when I heard suspicious package, it referred to something at RuPaul's drag breaks.

Ivanka Trump tweeted today, America is better than this.

No, our side is better than this.

Your side is the side with the bombs and the tiki torches and the Nazi marches in Charlottesville.

Poor Ivanka, you know, all she ever wanted to do was create a lifestyle brand for working women.

But it's so hard when daddy's a fascist.

But if it's any consolation, Ivanka, Hugo Boss started out sewing clothes for the Third Reich, so there is a precedent.

And today Trump tweeted, in these times we have to unify income together.

And then the nation as a whole did a spit take.

Really, Donald Trump, we have to unify income together.

Yes, we have to get the Republicans together with the enemies of the people and the rapists and the low IQ losers, because we're all one people, aren't we?

That's right.

We're all equally guilty.

That's their argument.

We're all equally guilty.

Like when Hillary walks on stage during a Trump rally and chants, lock me up, lock me up.

Ann Coulter tweeted today, from the hay market riots to the Unibomber, bombs are a liberal tactic.

Okay, well if you don't remember your American history, the Haymarket bombers were anarchists.

They were not liberals.

They preached violence and said there shouldn't be a government.

Today we would call that Republican.

The right has two answers to this.

One is, yeah, but what about the time Sarah Huckabee Sanders couldn't eat her luncheon piece because you chanted her out of a restaurant?

And the other one is, it's this false flag operation.

It's a hoax.

It's really the Democrats doing.

I swear to God, if Trump did shoot somebody on Fifth Avenue as he said he could, the next day Sean Hannity would say, no, the dead guy shot Trump.

And then Trump came back to life.

And then the dead guy shot himself again to make Trump look bad.

They're all on this page.

All the conservative commentators, Lou Dobbs says it's a hoax, Rush Limbaugh says it's a Democratic operative.

Michael Savage says it's a false flag operation.

Everything is a conspiracy with these people.

This is third world shit.

Those Hondurans coming up from Central America, they're like, fuck, that's why we left.

Oh yes, you've heard about, that's their, that's their big thing to win the midterm election, the caravan.

They're calling it a national emergency.

Fucking paranoid Republicans.

Just shelter in place until the caravan arrives.

They're on foot.

They're mostly women and children.

They're over a thousand miles away.

They won't be here till December.

It's like getting freaked out because you're being chased down by a turtle.

And they're coming here with nothing but the shirts on their backs, which is not a good plan.

If you want to get into this country, bring some drugs.

Listen to this.

One Trump supporter in Minnesota said, we have a lot of people who live on lakes in the summer, but have a winter home someplace else.

And when they get to the lake house in the spring, they're going to find that it's been occupied by the people from the caravan.

Okay, this country has too many stupid people to survive.

It just does.

Calm down.

They're not coming to occupy your lake house.

They're coming to clean it.

Trump now says the caravan has criminals and unknown Middle Easterners.

This is intel he got from his most trusted source, his ass.

Everywhere Trump looks, he sees terrorists.

The only time he doesn't see terrorists is when he's in Saudi Arabia surrounded by actual terrorists.

I don't know if...

We were off last week, but all they were talking about was this Khashoggi story, this Jamal Khashoggi.

He's a Saudi national who was a reporter also for the Washington Post.

He was being very critical of the Saudi regime.

So they fucking killed him.

He walked into the Turkish, to the Saudi embassy in Turkey, and they murdered him and dismembered him with a bone saw.

Saudi Arabia sent an assassination squad of 15 people.

Talk about overkill.

I thought we had a blow to bureaucracy.

15 people?

What are they, Teamsters?

And the Saudis have changed their story like every two days.

First, they claim that Khashoggi died after an argument.

Just an argument.

He wanted to remain in one piece, and they argued.

That's the Saudis.

They're always bringing a bone saw to a fist fight, I tell you.

So

now America is warning the Saudis, we will not look the other way.

You're thinking of 9-11.

But here's the good part.

There's actually an audio tape of the murder as it was happening.

And when Trump heard that it was caught on tape, he said, Amarosa was there?

Okay, thank you.

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