Bonus Bill – Ep. #475

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Welcome to an HBO podcast from the HBO late night series, Real Time with Bill Ma.

Thank you. Appreciate that.
How are you doing?

Okay, so are you following the Brett Kavanaugh hearings?

Oh my gosh, get your abortions now, ladies, because this, oh, this is

so as you when were we,

previously on Brett Kavanaugh,

at the end of last week, Trump said, okay, we're going to have an FBI investigation. And then he said it'll be a one-week, oh, it's even a week.
It was like a day.

And they had to turn in their report. Shouldn't there be a rule that the investigation has to last at least as long as the assault?

I feel like

there's,

you know, the... FBI was given no time to do it, no latitude.
Their hands were completely tied. And they still found evidence of Trump colluding with Russia.
Unbelievable.

They weren't even looking into that. Yes, he said, McConnell said, the time for delay and obstruction has come to a close.
What? Mitch McConnell invented delay and obstruction.

He has made an art of delay and obstruction. He's got dogs named delay and obstruction.

It's like Alex Jones telling you to get your facts straight.

Yes, such sensitive information, like the time, time, this was in the report, the time that Brett Kavanaugh and his good wingman buddy Mark Judge, they had a devil's triangle. You know what that is.

And then it was embarrassing. They realized halfway through it, the girl had left.
That's the

terrible part of the devil's triangle.

No, the FBI interviewed his wingman guy, Mark Judge, and he's the guy who had written a book. This is not the joke part.
He wrote a book called Wasted, Tales of a Gen X Drunk.

That's the title of the book. So I don't know how much his testimony is going to matter because when he he raised his right hand and then out of habit put his finger to his nose.

He did not plead the fifth. He asked for a fifth.
He's

a drunk. He's a

Trump's

Trump says the FBI could investigate a hundred times and it still wouldn't be good enough for the Democrats. You know what? If the FBI found nothing criminal and suddenly

investigated 100 times, we'd call that Hillary's emails.

Yeah, Trump said Dr. Ford's story, and now he's taking the gloves off, is not true.
He said, if it was true, we'd know because Michael Cohen would have given her $130,000 to shut up about it.

Trump reiterated that he doesn't drink. That is true about Donald Trump.
He does not drink. He causes others to drink, but he does not drink.

But he does like beer, because he says, you know beer, it goes right through my hookers.

They're peeing.

But, you know, Donald Trump, I always say, not just the worst president ever, maybe the worst human being

generally ever, because He was actually in his rally mocking Christine Blasey Ford, trying to make her look like a flighty idiot. The crowd was appalled into stunned silence.
I'm joking.

They laughed their asses off. They laughed so hard they dropped their tiki torches.

They were rolling in the aisles, because they're all on rascal scooters. I'm telling you.

And finally, his wife, Melania, did you know this, is in Africa. We assume she's there.
When she got off the plane, she just kept running. All right.
Thank you very much.

All right, so.

Catch all new episodes of Real Time with Bill Maher every Friday night at 10, or watch him anytime on HBO On Demand. For more information, log on to HBO.com.