Bonus Bill – Ep. #454

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Welcome to an HBO podcast from the HBO Late Month series, Real Time with Bill Ma.

Thank you very much.

We appreciate you, brave in the rain.

It is coming down harder than Facebook stock.

I tell you, it's, ooh.

Are you mad at Facebook?

Everybody's mad at Facebook.

I'm pissed off.

Today I had Eggs Benedict, and I sent a picture of it to myself, and that's it.

But yeah, it's so funny because Facebook users are like, man, how dare they use the information I freely gave them and agreed to let them use anywhere they wanted to.

These are the same people who go, wow, heroin is awesome.

Isn't there a downside?

It came out today that the former vice president Joe Biden challenged the current president to a fight.

Now, can you imagine an actual fight between Trump and Joe Biden?

All right, now keep it clean, fellas.

No rabbit punches, no hitting below the adult diaper.

Oh, and there was, of course, an election in Russia.

Don't tell me who won.

I'm binging it all weekend.

I don't want to know.

This is my favorite story of the week.

You saw this.

Everyone in the White House, all his national security people around Trump told him, whatever you do, do not congratulate Putin because the election was rigged and he's a crook and a thug and 12 other reasons.

They even wrote it on a giant card in big block letters, do not congratulate, under the mistaken impression that the President of the United States can read.

And of course,

what does Trump do?

He calls him up and congratulates him.

You know, every time I would see like, do not eat on a silica packet, or do not microwave on aluminum foil.

I think,

what sort of dipshit needs this?

The president of the United States, apparently.

That's exactly.

I found out.

Of course, what Trump did not bring up in his phone call, his congratulatory phone call to Putin, was meddling in our democracy, assassinating a British spy on the streets of London.

But you know what they say?

You don't bite the hand that elects you.

But the business of government goes on.

We have a new budget that is apparently about to be passed.

Bad news for the DREAMers,

no protection for them, but

also no funding for the wall.

So good news, kids.

If we kick you out, you can sneak right back in.

That's the best we can do.

And I guess the other good news is it's, you wouldn't know it by the weather, but springtime.

It's the yeah, we had spring sprung yesterday.

Today, the first sign of spring,

Trump faced new adult,

new adultery allegations from a stripper named April Showers.

Oh, and boy.

The douchebag doesn't fall far from the tree.

Like father, like son, Donald Trump Jr., of course, we heard last week, getting divorced, his wife filing for a divorce, found out why he was having an affair with Aubrey O'Day, who was a contestant on celebrity apprentice.

And Donald Trump Jr.

is an amazing man.

He's never worked in a day in his life, still manages to harass in the workplace.

It's like being a draft dodger and still finding a way to commit war crime.

Yeah.

And Donald Trump Sr.

now is facing three lawsuits.

Stormy Daniels, we know about that one, right?

Okay, and then another celebrity apprentice contestant.

And Karen McDougall, former playmate of the year, I guess, or something.

Remember Michelle Obama wanted us to lose weight by eating better?

Trump has a different way.

We're going to picture him having sex, and none of us will ever want to eat again.

All right, thank you.

Okay.

Catch all new episodes of Real Time with Bill Maher every Friday night at 10.

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