Bonus Bill – Ep. #436

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Thank you, folks.

How are you?

Get all these these people.

Thank you very much.

What a crowd.

You know why they're happy?

Because they're in California where

we're just on fire.

No one's drowning here, right?

No one.

Oh, what a time.

We've had Texas, right, last week, and now Florida.

Have you seen that?

Hurricane Irma bearing down on Florida.

But we are prepared.

FEMA is ready.

Trump is ready.

They have moved Eric Trump indoors so he doesn't look up with his mouth open and drown.

He's not one of the brighter Trumps.

So

until Irma passes, regular Florida stories, sex with your teacher,

calling 9-11 for pot,

and robbing the Piggly Wiggly with a dildo,

will be suspended until the storm passes.

But Florida can take solace in the fact that they are soon going to get a visit from the the Comforter-in-Chief, as we call the president.

Because you saw Trump in Houston.

At one point, he said to the group of people, these bedraggled hurricane-drowning survivors, what a crowd, what a turnout.

He also said, have a good time.

Have a good time.

He's the MC of the disaster.

Hey, hope you like seafood, everybody, and

remember to tip your rescuer, would you?

Trump has decided to end DACA.

That is the program that allowed dreamers, what we call them, these are kids.

Kids, they were brought here by their parents, mostly from Mexico.

And, you know, the average age was like six years old.

It's not their fault, and it's not even illegal.

But Trump says, nope, Mexico is not sending us their best toddlers.

They're pants poopers.

They're droolers.

They have cooties.

And some, I assume, are good people.

But it's so funny, the Republicans.

Whatever he does, this seems to be okay with them, but yesterday he met with Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer, two Democrats, and they are livid.

So get rid of DACA, what the fuck.

That doesn't matter.

No problem with that.

Grab pussies, that's okay.

Sell your country to the Russians, not a problem with that.

Praise Nazis, that's fine.

Work with Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi, monster.

This is what makes him a monster.

And of course, finally, I'm sure you know this: North Korea tested another missile.

This is their most powerful one, could be a hydrogen bomb, and their program really is working.

Now, apparently, Kim Jong-un is very pleased with this.

Yesterday, he awarded his scientist North Korea's highest honor: lunch.

All right, thank you very much.

Okay, so.