Bonus Bill – Ep. #432

5m
Listen in on the jokes only Bill’s audience got to hear.
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Transcript

Welcome to an HBO podcast from the HBO Late Night Series, Real Time with Bill Ma.

Thank you very much.

Thank you very much.

Thank you.

Especially to the people who stood.

I like you better.

Are these fucking mooches down here?

No, we'll get to him.

Okay, so we've been off for a month.

Wow, usually July, you know, the summer, slow time for news.

This with Trump in the White House, it's like the news cycle is on meth.

You know, it's

so.

Let's do a little quick recap of what's been going on with the Trumpino crime family.

A lot of changes there at the White House.

Reince Priebus, out.

He was the,

what was he, the chief of staff?

He's gone.

Sean Spicer, remember him?

Press secretary, he's gone.

The mooch.

The mooch.

there are pizza delivery guys who've been in the Oval Office longer

he wasn't there long enough for me to teach my spellcheck to stop calling him Scarface

man these poor people who work there Sarah Huckabee Sanders she looks like a trailer park

Trailer park mom who takes in foster kids for the money.

What the fuck does that mean?

I don't even know.

No, I don't feel bad for the White House.

I feel bad for the other houses on Pennsylvania Avenue.

It's like when a crack house moves in next door.

Now, apparently the first thing General Kelly did was assure Jeff Sessions that he is keeping his job, because I'm sure you saw this over the break.

Trump spent a whole week shitting on his own Attorney General, Jeff Sessions, tweeting what a weak loser he is day after day.

Except Trump is the guy who appointed him the top police officer in the country.

It's like your wedding vows were, I take you, Dan, to be my dickless waste of space.

And then today the Washington Post leaked a lot of the calls, not really cricket, that President Trump has had with foreign leaders.

They leaked his first call to the President of Mexico.

And what Trump is saying to the President of Mexico is, hey, you got to stop saying you won't pay for the wall.

We know that's not really going to happen, but we're going to work it out.

I think we have found now the lowest form of life on earth, the insincere racist.

Yeah, that's apparently what Donald Trump is.

I'm not really a xenophobic racist monster.

I just say that to make people like me.

And then apparently he told this week the Mexican president that he won New Hampshire in the election, which he didn't, right?

He actually, okay, doesn't matter.

He doesn't know anything.

He thinks he won New Hampshire.

He says, because he won the state, because it's a drug-infested den.

I'm not sure how this is a brag.

You know, Mr.

President of Mexico, when rural people use so many opioids they're barely conscious, I start to make sense.

And

finally, for you, are you all from Los Angeles?

You can tell they are.

Well, we're getting the Olympics in 2028.

2028.

I don't want to say it's going to fuck up traffic, but they're telling athletes wishing to be on time for their events: leave your hotel now.

All right, thank you very much.

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