Bonus Bill – Ep. #423

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Speaker 2 Now it's time for Real Time 2.0. Your chance to listen in behind the scenes to the real-time monologue jokes America didn't hear.

Speaker 2 Thank you. All pleased.
What a crowd, huh?

Speaker 2 Thank you. Thank you.

Speaker 2 Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.

Speaker 3 I think people are happy because you're realizing that you will never again have to live through Donald Trump's first 100 days. They're almost over.

Speaker 4 And

Speaker 3 yes,

Speaker 3 I am very aware that it's the 100-day mark.

Speaker 3 Just from the notches in the wall in my panic room.

Speaker 3 I don't know how how

Speaker 3 I am building a bomb shelter, which, if he's impeached, can be converted to a wine cellar. So, you know.

Speaker 3 But a hundred days, it's so interesting, isn't it, going from the most respected country in the world to the country that goes to work every morning with its fly open.

Speaker 3 If you want to go by the numbers for the first hundred days, he signed 23 executive orders.

Speaker 3 He's fired 59 Tomahawk Tomahawk missiles, played 19 rounds of golf, and gone through 147 cans of final net hairspray.

Speaker 3 And he said, I'm not making this, I tweeted, he said, he's gotten, tweeted, gotten more done than any other president.

Speaker 4 Any other president?

Speaker 3 I've got way more Twitter followers than Abe Lincoln.

Speaker 3 Mental illness is sad, ladies and gentlemen, and we've become used to it.

Speaker 3 He was talking yesterday about the speech he gave to Congress a couple of months ago, like the, I guess it was like the State of the Union, and lots of people were like, oh, he became president that day.

Speaker 3 Oh, fuck you.

Speaker 4 He didn't president.

Speaker 3 But here's what Trump said the other day about that speech. He said, a lot of people said it was the single best speech ever made in that chamber.
Yes, a lot of people.

Speaker 3 Especially this one guy who keeps staring at me in the mirror.

Speaker 3 But

Speaker 3 my favorite quote, maybe the quote of the year, a senior White House worker was talking to Politico and said, I kind of poo-pooed the experience stuff when I first got here, but this shit is hard.

Speaker 3 Somebody really said that. Trump says when he finds out who says that, he's going to to get rid of that person and replace him with Jared Kushner.

Speaker 3 Who is

Speaker 3 he just been appointed to our new Secretary of Hard Shit?

Speaker 3 Yes, and then of course another thing they found out was hard, I guess it must have been their tax plan. He released his tax plan.
Tax plan.

Speaker 3 He doodled a dollar sign and a smiley face on a napkin and Amarosa said, I'll take it from here.

Speaker 3 You'll never guess who is one of the biggest beneficiaries of this tax plan.

Speaker 3 Donald Trump. You did it again.

Speaker 3 Donald Trump.

Speaker 4 Absolutely.

Speaker 3 Yeah, we kind of gave it away when the tax plan calls for eliminating the import tax on mail-order brides. So that was kind of a

Speaker 3 And, you know, they don't even pretend to pay for it. It's a giant tax cut for all the rich people.
Experts are calling it voodoo economics.

Speaker 3 You know, that's where you give big tax cuts to the rich people and then think, well, I'll make it back when they provide economic growth.

Speaker 3 Just like when you give your dog a hot dog and he shares it with the other dog.

Speaker 3 That's what you do.

Speaker 3 And finally, just to get away from Trump for one minute,

Speaker 3 this was in the news today. Bill Cosby says he is working on new material and he's going to be resuming his career.
That's right.

Speaker 3 He's going to go back into the small clubs. He said it's always been his dream to make the upright citizens brigade horizontal.

Speaker 3 All right, thank you very much.

Speaker 2 Catch all new episodes of Real Time with Bill Maher every Friday night at 10 or watch him anytime on HBO On Demand. For more information, log on to HBO.com.